#I’m also taking an additional day next week to take my mom to the hospital for her wrist injury

[french-unknown]

𝖍𝖔𝖗𝖗𝖔𝖗 𝖜𝖎𝖙𝖍 𝖑𝖆𝖜

𝖈𝖍𝖆𝖗𝖆𝖈𝖙𝖊𝖗: law 𝖈/𝖜: war, angst, little sibling!reader 𝖜/𝖈: 4.2k + 𝖘𝖚𝖒𝖒𝖆𝖗𝖞: You were entertaining your sister at Flevance Hospital during the festival when Law, your older brother, burst into the room. From there, everything turned into nightmares.

| m a s t e r l i s t | - | e v e n t . s u m m a r y |

𝖑𝖆𝖜

You were snuggled against the shoulder of your 8-year-old big sister's on her hospital bed. Your black stuffed cat, Virus, was tightly held against your chest.

Since she had been affected by the Amber Lead Syndrome—as your father called it—a few days ago, you saw your sister's state of health gradually deteriorate. While she was with you at the festival a week ago, she was now too weak to even leave her room. All you could do to help her was dab her sweaty forehead with a cloth like your mother had shown you. So, wanting to prove that you were reliable for a 5-year-old child, you stayed by her side every evening by coming directly to the hospital after school to take care of her and keep her as occupied as you could.

“I’m scared.” she told you two days ago, in the middle of the night, while your parents were in their laboratory looking for a cure for her illness. Her skin, where snow-white patches appeared as if by magic, was almost cold as she held you in her trembling arms. You didn't dare tell her but her dark circles had become so purple that they scared you a little.

“Mom and Dad will find out what you have.” However, you replied confidently before placing Virus between you so that she could also benefit from its comfort.

Today, you were telling her about your day while hoping to distract her from the pain, when your big brother came rushing into the room.

He first took a quick glance at the closed shutters and then leaned against the door for a few seconds to catch his breath. As soon as he approached and was close enough, you jumped on him. However, the moment your hands touched his neck, you felt an instinctive recoil as you touched his sweaty skin under your palms. You also noticed that he smelled pretty bad from the sweat and his breathing was extremely ragged as his heart raced at the speed of light against your ribcage.

“Yuck!” You cried, starting to struggle in his arms. “You stink!”

You heard him growl at your childishness but he still held you briefly before putting you back on the bed next to your sister. The cough that suddenly escaped her lips cut short any beginnings of an argument.

"Big brother, I'm in pain" she moaned weakly between coughs. “My skin turns completely white.”

You crawled over to her to come back and snuggle against her shoulder while retrieving your precious stuffed animal along the way.

"Hold out." he encouraged her confidently while taking one of her hands in his. "Our father is the best doctor in the country. He will cure you."

Yet he was cut off by fireworks coming from outside. The sounds of the festivities were accompanied by the parade with its footsteps and people shouting with joy. In addition, you also heard the big drums of the marching band that accompanied them.

“What’s all the noise outside?” Lammy asked.

“There's the festival.” Law replied as if it were obvious. "Flevance is still prosperous. Get well soon, and we'll go see it."

Under your happy gaze, your sister began to smile despite the white spots that appeared on her face. A powerful wave of happiness tickled your stomach as you were reassured: if Law said so, then there was no doubt that Lammy would soon be back on her feet and you could finally all go to the Flevance's festival together.

You then went to snuggle your head back into your stuffed animal but you suddenly heard a loud drumming sound before people started running in the corridors. The steps were so coordinated with each other that they formed a very rhythmic two-step melody, like the parade.

tap - tap

tap - tap

tap - tap

A cloud of fireworks echoed in the corridors and a laugh rose up your throat, caused by the rise of the happy memories you had from the festival of previous years, but everything suddenly went black in your field of vision.

Panicked, you immediately jumped up on the mattress to look everywhere around you.

You thought for a few seconds of calling your big brother, still a little reassured to feel Lammy's body under your fingers, but a slight beam of light appeared before you could make the slightest sound. A long vertical opening opened in the bedroom shutter and a flickering orange glow seeped into the room to shower the floor with a thin rectangle of light.

The color quickly caught your attention because the street lamps normally cast a soft white light.

However, you didn't pay any more attention as soon as you noticed the round shadow of Law's hat blocking part of the lighting before approaching you. Arriving at the bed, you saw that he had his finger placed against his sealed lips.

A new burst of fireworks exploded in the corridor.

Except this time, you felt the wall shake slightly against your back.

Now that there was no more noise behind the wall and your older brother didn't seem to want you to talk, you listened. It was the first time since your very first visit to the hospital that you heard such silence in the corridors. And, considering you came almost every day to see your parents at work, that was pretty impressive.

Then, after a while without the slightest sound, you heard the parade moving away again.

tap - tap

tap - tap

tap - tap

Law’s breath brushed your cheek as he released his breath. You noticed at the same time that, without knowing why, you had also retained yours.

Your big brother got up from the mattress and took your hands to pull you from the bed towards the large wardrobe. He gently pulled the door open, in order to avoid squeaking the hinges that all three of you knew were noisy, then lent his hand to Lammy so that she could obediently climb inside.

You shook your head in refusal when he came closer to you, still locked in his silence, but he still picked you up by the waist before putting you directly in the closet.

You too, when you will be 10, will be strong enough to carry him like that!

“Hide here for a while!” He ordered in his I-am-the-eldest tone before closing the door.

And, even though you didn't see why you had to stay in the closet, you agreed to stay there without a sound. It didn't seem like hide-and-seek so it shouldn't have been a game. You stayed listening to the big drums that resonated outside with the fireworks.

They didn't make the same sounds as in previous years so you couldn't wait to see what they looked like. Were they a different color? You prayed in your heart that it would be black fireworks because, like your big brother, you loved this color.

Unfortunately, at this thought, a shiver of fear went up your spine.

You began to desperately feel around in the complete darkness of the closet. On your knees, you repeatedly placed your hands all over the floor but you couldn't find your stuffed animal. Tears welled up in your eyes. Immediately, you crawled as best you could to the door which you pushed very slowly.

If Law knew you disobeyed him, he would be angry at you.

But the little flickering orange light from outside also brought a small ray of light to your cubby, so, already seeing more, you turned over on your stomach before wriggling to get one leg out of the furniture. You let your lower limb hang in the void outside the cupboards, the floor of which was too high for your little legs.

"What are you doing?" asked Lammy, of whom you could only see part of her face as she grabbed your wrist.

“Virus is on the bed.” you explained to her.

The flu on your wrist eased and you let yourself slide to the floor thanks to the weight of your leg stretched outside the closet. Your heart beat a little faster as you fell, only to calm down again when you had both feet on the ground again. You took a quick look around—only to realize that Law was no longer in the room—before rushing to the bed. However, your problem did not end there because, very quickly, you realized that your cat was no longer in the blankets.

So you returned to the wardrobe, where you leaned your head inside.

“Virus isn’t here,” you declared in the darkness of the closet. “I’ll pick it up and come back!”

Then, without waiting for her response, you closed the door before heading towards the hallway. Your cat was on the bed before the lights went out. You only saw one reason for its disappearance: Law had taken it from you.

Slowly, you opened the bedroom door and entered the silent corridor.

You quickly realized that it was as dark as the room you had just left and, moreover, what little you saw seemed quite murky. It was a bit like looking through a veil. A smell of grilling tickled your nostrils but you didn't pay attention to it. You also noticed that it was oddly warm all of a sudden.

You found yourself alone in the dark in the hospital which was not as usual. In a word, you were terrified.

Not wanting to stay there for too long, you were relieved when you heard footsteps echoing down the hall. You were so relieved that you started running towards them without thinking while trying not to look around. You were too scared and you just wanted to find your brother and your cat.

You then ignored as best you could the unhinged doors which, instead of being well installed as usual, were now lying half torn off against the walls like overturned shelves. You also avoided turning your eyes towards all the little black holes on the partitions that you saw showing through in the darkness.

Finally, at the end of the hallway, you noticed your older brother crying.

The ball of terror that had already been eating at your stomach until now began to nibble at your belly even more. Your legs picked up the pace, not wanting to be alone anymore.

You then arrived in front of another door, which was not like usual, and you saw your big brother lying there. Light shone through the broken window in front of you while the torn purple curtains did nothing to stop it. You also noticed almost immediately the other black holes that were everywhere on the walls here. A repetitive puck-puck echoed in the room from the bag of liquid punctured a few meters from you. You saw Virus' head sticking out of Law's back pocket before really taking in the scene that was unfolding before your eyes.

And what struck you the most was your trembling big brother's body in front of you while enormous moans of agony were heard in the room.

You moved closer, terrified and not understanding what was happening, until you found yourself a few steps away from him and saw what he was lying on. You first perceived your mother's brown hair and her eyes closed against your father's shoulder, while he was on his back with his empty eyes rolled back.

Your stomach knotted painfully, making you double over in pain, and tears welled up in your eyes.

This was sadly a bad idea because, as you looked down, you noticed a pool of dark red blood extending from beneath your parents until it quickly approached your own shoes. Panicked, you took a step back so as not to get any on your soles.

"Mom! Dad!" your big brother yelled next to you, lost in his world.

“Law?” you uncertainly called him with the ridiculous hope that he would reassure you. All of this was just a bad dream and you were going to wake up in your bed to the smell of waffles or pancakes made by your mother.

But you only saw your big brother jump before turning towards you with a horrified face. His wide eyes and his pale complexion were enough to tell you that he was in no better condition than you. His distorted mouth also didn't have time to yell at you for escaping from your hiding place when the footsteps of the parade quickly returned.

tap - tap

tap - tap

tap - tap

“There’s one left!” yelled a muffled voice, no doubt alerted by Law's previous cries.

He then moved so quickly that it was as if he had been electrocuted. He immediately jumped off the motionless, embracing bodies of your parents before lunging towards you. He pulled you violently towards the window then, without waiting, he climbed onto a chair and held you by the waist before pushing you through the broken window. However, he didn't throw you hard enough because you hit your knees quite deeply against the broken glass.

You nevertheless manage to land on the other side.

And it was at this moment that the fireworks started again, whistling painfully in your ears while your knees began to burn as well. But Law landed next to you and quickly took your hand before starting to run at full speed.

His pace was so fast that you sometimes felt your legs give way under you but the grip on your arm was such that, even if you were no longer touching the ground, your brother was carrying you with him. Your chest began to ache from the effort and it was like your lungs were turning into dried raisins, unable to fill themselves with air. Your breathing sounded like a whistle, but you were still unable to stop.

Too caught up in fear, you heard footsteps crossing behind you as well as fireworks being fired in your direction.

"Don't let them get away! Eliminate them!" shouted an almost imperceptible voice in the hubbub of the explosions.

One brushed against your leg and, despite the pain, you continued running.

Law eventually took you back to the town bridge and, as you went to cross it, he instead guided you towards the river it overlooked. He suddenly pulled you towards his foundations then pressed himself against the white stone wall while pressing you against him. With your back against his stomach, you felt his hand slip in your neck before pushing against your mouth. He covered it for you like this until your wheezing was completely muffled against his palm. Despite the fear that twisted your stomach, you were even more petrified the moment you felt his hand tremble against your face just as his chest trembled like a leaf against your back.

The footsteps reappeared again, but before you could react, you heard them pass across the bridge above you and quickly move away.

When your brother released you, the pain from your cuts was excruciating. Where they burned you before, they now scratched you as if a whole tribute of ants had taken up residence there to swarm everywhere under your skin. The blood that ran down your legs before drying into crusts also made you feel tight after having tickled you.

But Law ignored this and began to leave toward downtown Flevance.

A lump of anxiety settled in your throat as you didn't want to be alone in these conditions that you didn't understand. So you started to trot, ignoring your pain, in order to reach your big brother who was walking straight in front of him. He seemed anesthetized. You joined him after several steps which tired you much more than expected.

You then crossed all the streets with their buildings that you knew like the school, the house of your friends or even the ones of other members of your family further away.

You were shocked to see the immense flames that rose from the houses to devour the walls until they collapsed with immense crashes. The black smoke escaping from it was also so dark that it blended into the fire-illuminated night sky.

Everything around you was red: the ground, the walls, the reflections in the water and the sky.

Distracted by the infernal picture that surrounded you, you stumbled against an irregularity in the ground. You then suddenly came across the obstacle and, when you looked down, you found yourself face to face with some little blonde pigtails that you had already seen before. You reached out a trembling hand and used it to brush the hair out of the girl's face. Unfortunately, her position must have been unstable because her body, until then curled up pitifully on its side, rolled limply onto its back.

You were then able to recognize this expressionless face and these eyes where no light was shining through.

Extinct, you saw her again as she accompanied you home every Tuesday and Thursday evening, as usual, to help you with your homework afterwards. You recognized her with her characteristic pigtails with which you always saw her, whether it was sunny or rainy.

And now she stood there, as gloomy as an empty shell, staring at the stars without seeing them in her uniform wich was torn and stained with blood and dust. Dark patches of blood had also spread into her hair where it dyed them a darker color while holding them like straw. Additionally, her skin was a strange bluish color with purple spots on her hand and her shoulders had been pinned against the ground.

Nearby, you heard Law start to cry and scream again in front of all the corpses around you. It didn't take long for you to recognize them all as his classmates. After all, Flevance was a small town where everyone knew each other from birth.

Suddenly, a huge commotion sounded behind you. The sound was so loud that you had to cover your ears.

You then turned towards the origin of the noise and, in the distance, you saw that the flames were starting to spread across the landscape from where you had come. Immediately, you noticed Law's back running in that direction.

You tried to follow him but your weakening knees refused to get up.

"Big brother!" you called out to him as loud as you could, panicking.

But your scream was lost in the crackling flames and the silhouette of your brother moved away until it completely disappeared in the chaos. Tears then flowed freely down your soot-covered cheeks.

You were alone in the middle of the flames.

You didn't know what was happening to you

Your father and mother were dead.

Everything you had ever known was burning.

Sobs choked your throat so, in search of comfort, you grabbed in despair the first hold that came to hand: that of the girl who used to help you with your homework.

Her fingers were stiff and her skin cold as snow but, despite how disgusted it made you, you desperately needed a reassuring touch. You squeezed her hand into yours and it was almost like squeezing a stone.

Cold.

Hard.

Impersonal.

The heat of the furnace slowly began to become more and more unbearable. The skin on your face was so tight that you felt like it was going to break on your cheeks any minute. Your tears in your eyes also made it difficult for you to see anything besides the blur.

Finally, after a while, you saw a black silhouette appear in your field of vision.

However, you no longer had the strength to do anything for yourself so you remained frozen in place. The body got closer little by little and gradually darkened everything you saw through the blur. A hand suddenly touched your shoulder and, terrified, you jumped before raising your head.

"Please!" You didn’t even know what you were begging for. "Please!"

And, instead of responding, the figure fell to their knees in front of you before taking you in their arms. With your nose in the stranger's neck, you immediately recognized the smell of your big brother mixed with the ones of sweat and fire.

You immediately closed your arms around him.

It was then that you felt wetness on your neck with drops of water tracing their path to your collarbones. The grip around you tightened until it was painful but you didn't care.

Your knees hurt from the injuries, your legs refused to move from running, your head and eyes throbbed from crying, and last but not least, your heart was in pieces. So your brother's embrace, even though painful, was completely welcome.

“Lammy is-” he started in a shaky voice before he cut himself off and a fresh burst of tears fell down your neck. "She's-"

Pain exploded in your chest as you understood roughly what Law probably meant.

“The hospital burned down.” he declared painfully.

Understanding then fell like a sledgehammer to your head.

Devastated, you remained crying among the corpses until early morning. You were then interrupted by new footsteps, which returned much more calmly than the day before. Law was the first to hear them and, without waiting, he lifted you onto his back before starting to run.

Thus tossed around, you did not immediately notice when you later saw a horse harnessed to a cart a few meters from you.

No one else was in sight.

Law thus went around the means of transport but froze when he arrived at the back. In front of you stood a pile of corpses thrown pell-mell into the cart. Arms, legs and heads could be seen here and there in the melee. Everything was covered in ashes, soot and blood. The smell was also unbearable, making you nauseous, while a large number of large black flies were circling around them.

You recognized a hand with nails painted a familiar color but you couldn't remember its origin.

You leaned back, anticipating Law's turn around but, to your surprise, he continued his way towards the cart. You widened your eyes before tapping his shoulder several times out of nervousness.

"What are you doing?" you asked hurriedly.

"It's the only way." he announced to you before placing you next to the cart.

He turned towards the pile of bodies then lifted one of them on top as best he could before looking towards you expectantly.

"Come on!" he hurried to you with fear clouding his gaze. He looked around you several times. “They could come at any time!”

But, since you still didn't move, he kept the corpse raised with one hand in order to grab you by the arm with the other. He pulled you violently towards the pile of bodies and made you climb it brutally before almost throwing you under the dead body which he released on you. A shiver of disgust went up your spine at the feeling of the cold and rigid weight crushing against your back.

Beneath you, an elbow dug into your ribs.

You suddenly felt Law shove something soft into your outstretched hand and, looking in, you saw Virus resting quietly there. You immediately brought your hand—and your stuffed animal—back to your face and buried your nose in his warm, cozy stomach which still smelled like home.

Disconnected, you barely noticed when Law lifted another corpse a few bodies away from you to stand under it and not move.

After an interminable wait, someone finally arrived and you heard a snap before the cart started moving. Little by little, you noticed that you were leaving the city center, then the barbed wire walls that had been installed around the city a few months ago.

You then passed near a forest.

Something warm and soft came into contact with your hand and gave it a light pressure. You then felt the contact break before noticing your brother slipping out of the pile of dead bodies to the ground even though the horse was still moving.

In your turn, you let yourself slide.

As soon as you had both feet on the ground, he grabbed your hand and started running towards the trees.

Miraculously, no one noticed you.

You were saved.

/!\ 𝖔𝖕𝖙𝖎𝖔𝖓𝖆𝖑 𝖘𝖆𝖉 𝖊𝖓𝖉𝖎𝖓𝖌 /!\

A few weeks later, Law returned to your hideout with his arms full of provisions of all kinds such as berries, mushrooms and a rabbit. He carefully placed them on the ground near the entrance before approaching the back of your hiding place with haste.

He had left you there while he had left looking for something to eat, lying on the ground and agonizing.

Your little five-year-old body had been pale and sweaty for several days while your temperature had skyrocketed. Law knew that every time he lifted the thin blanket covering you, he would find two gaping, infected wounds on your knees.

He recognized all the signs, having learned them from his father, but he didn't have the equipment to treat you.

He had the theoretical knowledge but he was doomed to watch the skin around the wounds become more and more red and swollen until, a few days ago, it began to ooze.

Unfortunately, when he came back to you that day, it was to find your pale and cold body waiting for him with your stuffed animal resting on your chest as your only comfort.

Your chest which no longer showed any movement.

He knew in that moment that you would never open your eyes again.

He collapsed.

°˖✧ Salut ✧˖°

I just wanted to warn that this is the first times that I have written texts with a somewhat horrific style, so I am sorry if you got excited about the title for nothing and were disappointed. I'm also not a consumer of horror material because I'm a big—huge, you can't even imagine how much—sissy, then the stories risk not being very original.

So, if you see points that can be improved, don't hesitate to let me know so that I can get better. Thanks! ~

𝕴𝖙'𝖘 𝖆𝖑𝖘𝖔 𝖙𝖍𝖊 𝖊𝖓𝖉 𝖔𝖋 𝖙𝖍𝖊 𝖍𝖆𝖑𝖑𝖔𝖜𝖊𝖊𝖓-𝖙𝖍𝖊𝖒𝖊𝖉 𝖔𝖓𝖊 𝖕𝖎𝖊𝖈𝖊 𝖙𝖍𝖊𝖒𝖊 𝖜𝖊𝖊𝖐. 𝕴 𝖍𝖆𝖉 𝖆 𝖑𝖔𝖙 𝖔𝖋 𝖋𝖚𝖓 𝖜𝖗𝖎𝖙𝖎𝖓𝖌 𝖊𝖛𝖊𝖗𝖞𝖙𝖍𝖎𝖓𝖌 𝖆𝖓𝖉 𝕴 𝖘𝖎𝖓𝖈𝖊𝖗𝖊𝖑𝖞 𝖍𝖔𝖕𝖊 𝖞𝖔𝖚 𝖊𝖓𝖏𝖔𝖞𝖊𝖉 𝖎𝖙 𝖙𝖔𝖔!

𝕿𝖍𝖆𝖓𝖐𝖘 𝖋𝖔𝖗 𝖗𝖊𝖆𝖉𝖎𝖓𝖌 𝖆𝖓𝖉 𝖘𝖊𝖊 𝖞𝖔𝖚 𝖓𝖊𝖝𝖙 𝖙𝖎𝖒𝖊!

𝖏𝖔𝖎𝖓 𝖙𝖍𝖊 𝖙𝖆𝖌𝖑𝖎𝖘𝖙 𝖎𝖋 𝖞𝖔𝖚 𝖉𝖔𝖓'𝖙 𝖜𝖆𝖓𝖙 𝖙𝖔 𝖒𝖎𝖘𝖘 𝖆𝖓𝖞 𝖚𝖕𝖉𝖆𝖙𝖊

𝖙𝖆𝖌𝖑𝖎𝖘𝖙: @iheartamora @bontensh0e @opchara @lys-ada @xomingyu @dozcan123

[crippleprophet]

hi! i have a question regarding. doctors being shitty/being incredibly invasive and controlling

some background: ive had neuromotor symptoms since i was a toddler (i was 'bad enough' to have the school district pay for my pt/ot as a toddler) which was (badly) diagnosed as dyspraxia by a neurologist who then never saw me again after i completed pt/ot.

i still have all of those problems now despite on and off pt since then and consistent pt for over a year currently. we went back to my current hospital trying to see a neurologist to discuss the results of an mri i had at a different hospital and set up 2 appointments.

we had an appointment scheduled with a neurologist which we went to regarding my neuromotor issues + mri as well as migraines. all he talked about during the appt was the migraines and told me i wasnt drinking enough water despite me having pots and drinking more than 100oz a day and that i was just stressed. he did not ONCE mention any of the neuromotor issues and dismissed me when i brought them up. he also told us seeing the other neurologist would be unnecessary and that we should cancel the appointment. at the appt me and my mom agreed with him, but we were unhappy with the outcome of the appointment with him and decided we should keep the second appointment to act as a second opinion.

the day before the 2nd opinion, we get a call from the first neuro saying that he cancelled the 2nd opinion appointment after talking to the 2nd neuro. this is technically not prohibited in the hospital im at as far as i understand, and my mom is planning to call the ombudsman to file a complaint at the very least but both of us are at a loss for what to do. i know i am probably in a different hospital system than you are so the logistics of reporting this will be different, but do you have any advice for what to say? i am at a genuine loss and as long as this neurologist is my current doctor i have no idea if ill be able to see a different neuro for a second opinion lest he cancel that appointment too.

[tl;dr: i scheduled 2 appointments with 2 different neurologists to discuss neuromotor symptoms, a mri i had done at a different hospital, and migraines. i saw the first one and he was incredibly dismissive and told me to cancel the 2nd appointment i had scheduled. my mom and i agreed at the time but decided to keep it for a second opinion after the appt was over. the first neurologist canceled the 2nd opinion appointment the day before the appt without consulting me or my mom.]

disclaimer that i am in the US and also a minor. if you or your followers have any advice it would be greatly appreciated!! thank you and sorry this is so long!

god, that’s such bullshit, i’m so sorry. you don’t deserve to be dealing with this & that’s incredibly inappropriate behavior. i’m obviously just some guy on the internet so take all of this with a grain of salt / weigh it against your preferences & experiences - i don’t think there’s any one right or wrong way to handle this & i’m sorry you’ve been put in such an awful position. (also no need to apologize for being long - i’m about to write you a novel lol)

i definitely think contacting the ombudsman is a good idea & i’m really glad your mom is on your side; you can also find the complaint process for the medical board in charge of his licensure by searching [your state] medical board complaint. here’s an overview of what happens with that process:

if you’re on medicaid or medicare there are additional specific avenues of complaint through that.

i’m going to file a complaint against a doctor in the next couple of weeks for some fucked up shit of my own so my thought process for that has been like, i don’t expect anything to happen to him, but it might help some future person who complains for there to have been previous issues on file. you might be in a different emotional position, though - if your complaint going nowhere would be devastating, for example, it’s okay to factor that into your decision of whether to file one.

i also recommend checking your state laws around your rights to your medical records, and while there are ways to obtain it after filing a complaint, i’d personally try to get any test results or other documentation that you’d need to show a different physician before filing a complaint just to minimize the risk of somebody giving you grief & dragging it out. i went in person to ask for my bloodwork results from the shit doctor & let the rest of my record with them rot bc i don’t need to read the bullshit he wrote & certainly don’t want it impacting my care with someone else.

as far as getting a second opinion i think there are a few things to consider:

i’d personally be super careful when deciding whether to try to make another appointment with neuro#2. it could be that shitty neuro#1 just talked to the scheduling department or something, but if he talked to the doctor themself, it’s unfortunately really fucking likely that neuro#2 is already biased against you. most (not all - my pcp is fabulously untrusting of his peers) doctors will take a fellow doctor’s word over a patient’s any day.

do you have options that are outside of that hospital network, or something like a private practice that’s technically part of the network but uses their own scheduling system? if it’s an option i think getting as far away (in terms of connection, not literal distance) as possible is your safest bet; one of the very few good things about the US medical system is the lack of a centralized database, so in a lot of circumstances your medical record can’t follow you unless you let it. i’m a huge proponent of giving my doctors information on a need-to-know basis; my rheumatologist doesn’t know my pcp gave me tramadol while i was trying to get an appointment, for example, because i don’t want to be labeled drug-seeking.

if your only options are where neuro#1 would be able to see the appointment, it’s more dicey - hopefully the ombudsman has better / more specific advice, but if it were me, i’d probably try to make an appointment in person to get a sense of the vibe & if the person scheduling seems kind/decent, explain that i had a doctor cancel my appointment against my wishes & ask if they could make a note or something to only cancel it if i (or in your case maybe your mom) says so. kind of risky but this whole thing is a clusterfuck so it could be worth a shot.

is there any reason this neurologist needs to stay your current doctor? because like, if not, get your records and get the fuck out. usually i just ghost my providers but in this case it sounds like you’ll probably need to formally break up with him - if you have a follow-up scheduled then if you cancel that you can inform the front desk when doing so that you’re no longer going to be a patient at that office. heads up they’ll probably ask why, it’s up to you whether you want to be honest.

if you’re comfortable doing so, after you’ve extricated yourself from this provider, i’d recommend writing a public-facing review anywhere you can - google reviews for his practice / the hospital, your insurance website, healthgrades, etc - so other potential patients are warned. i’d basically say what you told me here about what happened.

as far as writing your complaints themselves, i’d try to found them on as much documented evidence from other providers as possible, because the system only respects itself. so for the complaint i’m working on, i’m going to include:

what the doctor did that was against current diagnostic guidelines, & cite those

previous diagnoses & medications he ignored

what i was subsequently diagnosed with & medicated with

statements he made that were factually incorrect, & citations of research disproving them

if he didn’t talk about your imaging you should definitely mention that too.

i hope some of that is helpful! i’ve been researching & sorting through my own neurological stuff so if there’s anything else i can do to help or support you feel free to send another ask or dm me! best of luck to you & you’ll be in my thoughts 💓🖤💓 other folks feel free to respond if you have further advice!

[rinkrats]

🥺 that mike lange story. But also those tags #sid loooves christmas #he loves giving presents #looks good in red #piles on the pounds fast #post hockey career as santa 😂😂👌🏽👌🏽

he loves his mementos and presents and is COMMITTED to them. scrapbooking. matching jackets. little pills with hidden motivational messages~*~ his love language is gifts and neck smooches and stalking geno. relevant right now are some anecdotes i sent a friend earlier this year for dorky sid gifts fic fodder:

1. Crosby's constant thoughtfulness would be impressive from anyone, much less someone of his stature.

"Sid always texts me happy birthday, he's always asking me like, how's Russia?" Evgeni Malkin said. "We talk and message all summer. He asks me how my skates are. He knows, like, everything. He follows my Instagram, I think (laughs)."

In addition to having a handle on those little details, Crosby is constantly providing those around him with memories and mementos. If the team is on the road and goes, say, sightseeing or to a sporting event and takes a group photo, Crosby will later send a framed copy to everyone.

When Ron Hextall and Brian Burke watched their first Penguins game in person, Crosby is the one who approached head equipment manager Dana Heinze and asked for two used game pucks to give to the new GM and president of hockey ops. 

After the Penguins won in 2009, Crosby had jackets made for the three players on the team who had scored a Cup-clinching goal in Game 7: Talbot (Pittsburgh), Ruslan Fedotenko (Tampa Bay) and Mike Rupp (New Jersey).

"They were blue jackets with gold buttons, and each one had a patch on it that said 'GWG Game 7,'" Talbot said. "At one of our first team meals the next season, he presented us with the jackets and did a big ceremony with the music and stuff. We had a private room in the restaurant. I still have the jacket."

-The Consummate Teammate, Captain and Ambassador, Feb 2021

2. Merz: My first interaction with Sid was when we were on the bench, guys were talking about a teammate, and the first thing this 15-year-old says is, “Hey, guys. Let’s keep everything positive. Don’t talk about your teammates that way.”

Salcido: When we were getting ready for nationals, he found these little pills that you could put a hidden message inside. They unscrewed, and inside was a tiny scroll. He gave one to every teammate. … He had everyone fill one out. He didn’t tell anyone what to write, but he made it known that we all knew what the goal was: winning nationals. So we wrote on our scrolls, rolled them up and put them in the pill thing. We kept them with us everywhere we went.

-‘Is this real?’: Stories of Sidney Crosby’s year at a Minnesota prep school, May 2020

3. On “Butterfly Boy” Jonathan Pitre:

Though the Senators are his team, Sidney Crosby has always been Jonny’s favourite player. After the TSN documentary airs, Tina gets a call from the Penguins. Sid needs Jonny’s measurements. He wants to have a suit made for him by his personal tailor, Domenico Vacca.

“It’s the kindest, sweetest gesture,” Tina says. “Sid heard that Jonny went to a lot of games, so he wants him to look like he’s one of the guys.”

“I want him to feel like a pro,” Crosby says. “Here’s a guy who is going through something so painful, and his first thought is always, ‘How can I help others?’ When I was young, I’d watch on TV the players coming to the rink in their suits. That was a cool part of being an NHL player. I want him to feel that, to make it as real as possible for him.”

Tina tries to discreetly measure Jonny while she’s changing his dressings. But he’s way too smart for that.

“Um, Mom, why are you measuring me? Am I going for surgery again?” he asks.

“No, no!” Tina replies, trying to reassure him and come up with a good lie, all in the same breath. “The doctor needs them just to make sure they have proper dressings next time you are in.”

A few weeks later, the sharp navy blue suit shows up at their front door, along with a couple of ties, an autographed stick and a handwritten letter from Sid. 

“His eyes just light up,” Tina says. “Jonny always liked to be well-dressed, and he just loves having his own suit. It fits perfectly. He looks so good in it.”

-Beauties by James Duthie (2020)

4. Pascal Dupuis inspired his Pittsburgh Penguins teammates on their run to the Stanley Cup, and Sidney Crosby found a special way of driving that message home.

Dupuis retired in December with lingering health concerns because of blood clots. Despite his NHL playing days coming to an end, the veteran forward remained an integral part of the Penguins and was in uniform to hoist the Cup after Pittsburgh's six-game win against the San Jose Sharks in the Stanley Cup Final.

On Sunday, Dupuis brought the Cup home one last time as a player to share a special day with his family, friends and hometown fans.

"Yes, it does feel bittersweet a little bit," Dupuis said. "You get the Cup, you want to celebrate. But at the same time I got a gift by the mail [Saturday]. Basically, it's a book of all the pictures of all the good stuff we went through. It came from Nova Scotia, so you guys can figure out who it came from (Crosby), but he couldn't give it to me during the season, he saw me skating a little bit.

"And he sent it [Saturday], before my day with the Cup, so he knew what he was doing to get me right here," Dupuis said, putting his fist over his heart.

-Pascal Dupuis shares Stanley Cup with family, friends, Aug 2016

5. In 2011, Crosby was out of the lineup with a concussion, and the Penguins made their annual visit to Children’s Hospital.

Crosby got along so well with one boy there and was so touched that he later asked Bullano to go back... just the two of them, no cameras, no attention.

When Bullano and Crosby met for the follow-up visit, Crosby appeared clutching a pair of Toys “R” Us bags, filled with a Transformer toy the two had discussed.

“He literally bought every type of this toy they make,” Bullano said. “[Crosby] had never seen it before and thought it was so cool.

“There are no pictures of this. There’s no video. He was laying in the bed with the kid. They were just playing. We were there for over two hours. I got to know the mom really well because we were just sitting there.

“The kid had no idea. Didn’t expect it. They had no idea he was coming. We got there and he said, ‘Hey buddy. hope you don’t mind that I came back.’ The kid couldn’t believe it.

“[Crosby’s] crazy cool about stuff like that.”

What’s crazy is trying to recount the many times stuff like this has happened with Crosby:

• The Little Penguins Learn to Play program has been around for nine seasons, outfitting now 1,200 kids with free head-to-toe hockey equipment. Not only does Crosby serve as the face of the program — which the NHL has now adopted — but he helps fund it, too.

“There’s an awareness of what a person in his position can bring,” Penguins vice president of communications Tom McMillan said. “I think he activates that as much as anybody I’ve seen during his playing career.”

• After a recent practice, Crosby noticed a local family in the Penguins dressing room, approached them, introduced himself, learned their story and wound up giving them a signed stick.

Nobody asked Crosby to do that, and he wanted zero credit when discussing it a couple days later.

“For people who have the opportunity to come in here, people dealing with certain things, if you can brighten their day a bit or spend some time with them, it’s something that’s special for all of us,” Crosby said.

• A few years ago, through a team charity event, Crosby befriended a 4-year-old Amish boy with cancer. Crosby remarked to Bullano how much he loved talking to the boy because of how engaging the boy was and how he wasn’t consumed with technology. Crosby even tried to visit the boy but learned he had passed away.

• He learns the first and last names of the kids who attend his hockey school in Cole Harbour, Nova Scotia.

“Two kids came from Japan its first year,” Bullano recalled. “He was so blown away by that. He couldn’t wait to meet them.”

• Earlier this season, the Penguins welcomed Grant Chupinka, 24-year-old cancer patient, into the dressing room. Crosby chatted up Grant and his parents, Steve and Kim.

He spent his usual time — about two or three times the requirement. Gave the tour. Then found out the Chupinkas didn’t have tickets for that night’s game and decided he would pay for them to go.

“I’m sure he could just give them an autographed puck or something, but he takes his time to go out and see them and talk to them and get to know them,” Brian Dumoulin said. “It speaks volumes for him and who he is as a person.”

Spend any length of time with Crosby during his visits with those less fortunate, and a few things become obvious.

One, Crosby is really good at these. Smooth but not in a slimy way. Sweet. You know how when you’re around someone talking and they go out of their way to make eye contact with everyone around? That’s Crosby.

He’s also humble, always introducing himself like those he’s meeting don’t already know. Holding a hand is no issue. And Crosby is the rare 20-something pro athlete without kids who acts every bit like he does.

“It is not an easy situation to talk to someone with terminal cancer,” McMillan said. “A lot of people couldn’t do that. He has an amazing ability to do that and make that person feel good.”

Crosby has welcomed several Make-a-Wish kids and tries, if at all possible, to schedule such events for practice days — to maximize the time he’s able to spend.

He’s developed a special friendship with Patrick McIlvain, a soldier who nearly died when he took a bullet to the head in Afghanistan. McIlvain actually does physical therapy with one of Crosby’s sticks.

A former club hockey player at Cal U, McIlvain comes by every year, and the Penguins don’t even bother to tell Crosby. Either he already knows or immediately stops what he’s doing to come say hello.

“He’s not doing it to leave a legacy,” said Terry Kalna, Penguins vice president of sales and broadcasting. “His numbers leave the legacy. He’s just a down-to-Earth, good guy.”

Before a visit, Crosby has Bullano email him what is essentially a scouting report on who he’s going to meet. He likes to learn about them, their situation and what they’ve been through. As much information as he can ingest. Crosby never just swoops in, shake a hand and leave.

“As much as anyone has ever seen, he accepts the responsibilities of being not just a professional athlete but a star professional athlete,” McMillan said. “He views it as part of the job. Like coming to the morning skate. That’s just what you do.”

Put another way, “he owns those moments,” says Kalna.

Said Bullano, “He’s just a good human being.”

-When it comes to giving, Sidney Crosby does as much as he can, Feb 2017

6. When Crosby received a generous signing bonus on his Reebok deal, he wanted to share it with everyone.

“He gave everyone on the bus gifts,”  says Oceanic radio commentator Michel Germain. “Him sharing his bonus with all the people he’d been travelling with for two years, that impresses me greatly. I think the most important thing about Sidney Crosby is his personality and the kind of human being he is. What he exuded. The inner richness he’d already developed.” 

-Superstitious and generous, Dec 2006

7. also this simply because it makes me ;w;

Even in defeat — no, especially in defeat — Sidney Crosby proved why he wears the "C" for the Penguins.

After the game, with his heart sinking and his season over, the Penguins’ captain bent over, sank to the ice to pick up the puck, took it to linesman Tony Sericolo and then skated to his team’s handshake line.

I immediately thought of a View from Ice Level I’d written on Crosby making sure a retiring official was sent away from PPG Paints Arena properly. I knew picking up the puck wasn’t for the same reason that was, but I also knew, in some way, it was connected to Crosby’s awareness and respect of the game.

“It was for the Islanders,” Crosby told me after the game, his eyes swollen from a first round exit – by way of a sweep to make it worse. He told me how the winning team always wanted the puck, and it was his way of providing it for the Islanders.

Crosby looked me right in the eye as he told me this, just as he did with every other member of the media to come to him after the loss.

I could tell from those swollen eyes and the way he sat at his stall, by himself with his hands folded as he stared blankly, that Sidney Crosby is much more used to being on the receiving end of a puck when a series ends than he is at retrieving it for the winning team.

That scene. His swollen eyes. Staying in the locker room until most had left – talking to anyone who needed him. Most of all, though, picking up the puck that prompted my question in the first place and making sure the right people got their piece of their own history.

It all adds up to one thing: In victory and in defeat, Crosby respects the game above all else – just as he’s always done.

-Even in defeat, Crosby shines, April 2019

[obviouslygenuinely]

Babygate Analysis/Conclusions: A Non-Larry Perspective

(Image Credit: Hollywood Life)

I'm prefacing this post with a few disclaimers:

After some consideration, I chose to write this without factoring in Larry whatsoever. No Larry-related points, proof, or speculation in any way. This is solely analyzing babygate from an unbiased perspective. 

I don't claim to know the entire truth. It is impossible for any of us to know.  What I conclude is based on direct evidence, circumstantial evidence, research, and analysis.

I am willing to discuss opposing views. I’m happy to talk about the topic in a civil, kind, and mature matter. I will dismiss any discourse that is aggressive, immature, and so on.

I did not include every single opinion/conclusion/piece of evidence I found. I condensed my thoughts as much as possible (and this is still a novel-length post). There are so many more points I can think of. However, babygate masterposts cover all of that; I’ll link to some of those at the end.

The conclusion points aren't in a very specific order. I aimed to list related points one after another. Aside from that, it's not in order of "hardest to weakest" evidence.

Please read “Author’s Notes” for additional clarity/input. They interject thoughts/etc. that I feel are necessary to include. 

Lastly, I included links to every source I cited in this post. However, I did not tag the Tumblr users. I’m not sure if they are comfortable with having Babygate questions/comments directed to their blogs. If you are a linked source and want to be tagged, please let me know! 

My Initial Reaction To Babygate

In February of 2020, I received several messages on LateToLarry requesting that I analyze something called “babygate”. I had no idea what babygate meant at the time. 

I learned what it meant, and prior to any research I felt the theory was so absurd. I also felt uncomfortable analyzing it because I believed I’d feel bias as a single mom. The idea of discussing a random child in depth initially bothered me, too. I declined to analyze it last year.

However, I did a LOT of research over time. My opinion has changed significantly. Below, I’ve shared my main conclusions and analysis about babygate. Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoy my post! 

1. No Paternity Test Was Performed Prior To The Pregnancy Announcement

Louis was/is a prominent celebrity and has a current net worth of $70 million. From legal, financial, and practical standpoints, it makes no sense for him to choose not to get a test. 

It’s unheard of in Hollywood and the entertainment industry. Any sensible team -lawyers, PR reps, managers, advisors, etc. - would not just go along with it. They are employed to protect his career and image. 

The Opposing Views

A. “Briana/Louis didn’t want to risk miscarriage with prenatal testing.”

Non-invasive testing is completely safe for fetuses and pregnant women, so there’s no medical reason for the lack of testing.

B. “Louis chose not to get the test done because he wanted to be a father and was invested in the pregnancy/parenting.”

Time has shown that this is not true. Louis does not have custody; there was a brief custody case in 2016 that led nowhere. He does not have a consistent or prominent role in the child’s life.

Conclusion

There is no logical reason for the lack of paternity testing prior to the announcement unless Louis knew he was not the father and all parties knew this to be true.

2. There Was No Confirmation Of A Paternity Test After The Birth

I’ll keep this section fairly short. A quick Google search returns dozens of conflicting reports. Many of them state that Louis demanded a paternity test shortly after birth. Other reports state that he has never pursued a paternity test. 

Here are a few examples:

“Louis Tomlinson not interested in paternity test” - Business Standard

“EXCLUSIVE: Louis Tomlinson Demanded a DNA Test “As Soon as the Baby Was Born”” - InTouch Weekly

“Louis Tomlinson: No DNA Test Needed ... Positive Freddie's His Son” -TMZ

“Louis Tomlinson & Briana Jungwirth: WhyHe Had DNA Test Done on His Newborn Son” - Hollywood Life

This Twitter thread discusses TMZ reports that - as of 2020 - no DNA test was done.

Conclusion

There is no reliable confirmation that Louis pursued a paternity test. The media cannot come to a general/factual consensus.

Again, there is no reasonable explanation for the lack of paternity testing unless Louis knows he is not the father of the child. 

3. The Conception-To-Birth Timeline Is Inconsistent/Unreliable

Pregnancy and conception as a whole can be rather confusing; timelines from conception to birth are unique to each person. Having said that, Briana’s timeline is full of glaring inconsistencies that don’t add up. 

I’ll begin with this timeline based on bulletprooflarry’s post and my own research. Dates I’ve added myself include linked sources:

May 5th, 2015 - Louis and Briana were first seen together in public.

May 6th to May 31st, 2015 - Briana and her mom followed baby-related social medial accounts.

May 12th, 2015 - Louis and Briana were pictured together in public.

July 3rd, 2015 - Louis is seen with Briana’s brother in Hollywood.

July 14th, 2015 - The first pregnancy report is published.

August 4th, 2015 - Louis confirms pregnancy on GMA.

January 21st, 2016 - The child is reportedly born.

Based on the dates above, these are the possible dates/milestones for her pregnancy:

Scenario A - If conception occurred on May 5th, Briana was 37 weeks and 2 days pregnant on January 21st, 2016. This is considered an early-term birth and about 26% of births occur at 37 weeks.

Scenario B - If conception occurred on May 12th, Briana was 36 weeks and 2 days pregnant on January 21st. This is considered a late-term or late premature birth and about 10% of births occur at 36 weeks.

These dates matter because Briana’s alleged hospital stay was not consistent with a premature or early-term birth. She was pictured in public - healthy and holding a baby carrier - within one week of giving birth. 

(Image Credit: Daily Mail)

(Image Credit: larrysbbrbb28)

If she gave birth based on the dates above, it’s extremely unlikely that she or the baby would be out in public so soon.

Below are screenshots of an additional timeline from an archived Tumblr post. It provides excellent points about more timeline inconsistencies: 

The main inconsistencies and red flags are bolded in the post. It supports the unreliable conception timeline, and it also mentions my next point - the official pregnancy announcement. 

The post above mentions that the Jungwirth family followed baby-related accounts before Briana could possibly know she was pregnant. Here’s one screenshot from skepticallarrie proving it:

I’ve also seen several posts that show inconsistencies with the size of Briana’s baby bump. Unfortunately, the most reliable post no longer exists. You can view a web archive of Briana’s pregnancy photos, but most of the image links are broke. 

The only post I have saved is a web archive of a long babygate post. The beginning of the post contains photos showing discrepancies in the size of Briana’s baby bump. 

The Opposing Views

“Pregnancy looks different on everybody, everyone recovers differently, etc.”

Yes, this is true and a valid point! As a woman who has gone through multiple pregnancies and two live births, I truly understand this argument. 

However, the sheer amount of inconsistencies are what make this a red flag. There are too many unreliable and contradicting points to brush this off. It goes beyond the point of “well, each person has a different experience”.

Conclusion

There are a few conclusions/scenarios I believe you can draw from the information above:

Briana was pregnant prior to meeting Louis.

Briana was never pregnant in the first place. 

Both are valid to consider, but I personally believe she was never pregnant. 

(Author’s note: My calculation for dates are based on the date of alleged conception. Most due date calculators, by default, use the date of a woman’s last mentrual period - LMP - to provide estimations.

I also used Date Duration Calendar for my calculations. Accessible due date calculators only allowed me to input dates from 2019/2020. Depending on the tools and dates you use, your mileage may vary.)

4. The Announcement Itself Was Highly Unusual

This point ties into the first and third points. I don’t consider it a major piece of evidence, but it’s noteworthy due to the other points. 

So, there are a few reasons why the Good Morning America announcement stands out. 

A. If Briana got pregnant on May 5th, then she was approximately 10 weeks pregnant when the first pregnancy report was published. This also means she was approximately 13 weeks pregnant at the time of the GMA announcement.

If Briana got pregnant on May 12th, she was approximately nine weeks pregnant at the time of the first report and approximately 12 weeks pregnant at the time of the GMA announcement.

B. The public announcement on Good Morning America raises a lot of questions. I’ve had multiple issues embedding the video; the bolded link takes you to the GMA announcement on YouTube. 

Anyways, these questions/thoughts - disregarding any Larry theories -  come to mind when watching the video: 

This is a segment for promoting/discussing their album/music.

The baby announcement is the sole non-album/music related topic that is mentioned during the segment.

The announcement is not organically worked into the segment as a natural talking point.

Louis’ reactions - such as bringing the microphone to his lips and not talking - is very unlike his standard interview demeanor.

The male interviewer and the band members have noticeable facial expressions and body language that suggest discomfort, stress, or awkwardness. 

A post by skepticalarrie draws similar conclusions. Her post is much more detailed than mine, and I highly recommend reading/viewing it. 

(Author’s Note: I’ve touched upon this on LateToLarry and will make a post here eventually, but body language and facial expressions are valid. They’re valid to the point that they are used in court cases.) 

Conclusion

My conclusions here are twofold. One is that: 

Announcing a pregnancy - especially a celebrity-related pregnancy - this early is extremely uncommon and unlikely.

The announcement itself seems out of place and very forced. 

This particular point, to me, is not extremely strong evidence. I still think it’s worth keeping in mind and is relevant to other points here. So, I’ve included it either way.

5. Briana Posted Stolen Pregnancy/Baby Photos On Social Media

(EDIT: I wrote this piece before the recent release of Briana’s alleged ultrasound and don’t have time to add it. It’s pretty strong proof and can easily be found in recent babygate posts.)

Babygate posts often point out that Briana and the Jungwirth family used stolen/fake pregnancy and baby photos on social media. It’s a well-known topic that’s often discussed. 

I’m condensing this section to a few examples. I encourage additional research if you’d like to see more. 

A. This Tumblr post shows stolen baby bump photos that Briana’s cousin Ashley posted on Twitter: 

B. This Tumblr post and Twitter post show a stolen baby photo that Briana posted on Instagram:

(Author’s Note: Since I was not active in the fandom at the time, I am relying on information from other blogs and social media posts. I vetted my sources pretty well, but any false information is my own mistake.)

Conclusions

The only word that sums this up is “suspicious”. Using stolen photos of a pregnant woman/baby is not necessary if you are legitimately pregnant. That’s really what it boils down to. It lends to the conclusion that Briana was never pregnant. 

6. Photos And Videos Of The Child Are Heavily Altered And Manipulated

It is indisputable that many photos and videos of the child are heavily manipulated to alter his appearance. This goes beyond filters, lighting, and angles. 

Several detailed posts show the manipulations; here are some examples:

A web archive of all Photoshop evidence from tellmethisisnotlove

An in-depth post from genuineconspiracy that includes detailed photo evidence.

A video post from freefreddiereign that shows Photoshop evidence based on photos the child. 

There is no doubt that his facial features are frequently altered. This is easy to conclude using any free software that detects Photoshop. As a photographer myself, I can easily spot the manipulations.

(Author’s Note: I know that directly discussing the child is controversial. When I first heard of babygate, my initial reaction was discomfort about analyzing a child.

I quickly learned/concluded that his family members are responsible for heavily putting him in the public eye. All content I’ve used for research is based on the family’s posts.

Still, I have personally chosen not post pictures of the child, but the links I am sharing contain photos/videos of him.

Additionally, I used FotoForensics on photos of myself prior to writing this. It was important to me to feel absolutely certain about this point. I’m fine with sharing my own FotoForensics images if anyone is curious.)

The Opposing Views

A. “Freddie looks like Louis in pictures that aren’t Photoshopped.”

Parentage cannot be based on whether or not a child looks like his mother/father. I understand the viewpoint, but it’s simply not evidence. Additionally, thinking the child looks like Louis is a matter of opinion. 

There’s also the fact that appearance means nothing overall. Science backs up this statement very well. Examples and references:

“How can children from the same parents look so different?” by HowStuffWorks

“My Baby Looks Nothing Like Me: A Genetic Explanation” by FamilyEducation

Additionally, here is a personal anecdote. I have two sons close to Freddie’s age. One of them looks exactly like his father and nothing like me. The other looks exactly like me and nothing like his father. Despite how they look, they are both of them are our biological children. 

Conclusion

There is no reasonable explanation for altering the child’s appearance - particularly to make him look more similar to Louis. 

I cannot think of a single argument as to why the Jungwirth family would do this unless they need/want the child to look a specific way. 

7. Johannah Deakin’s Official Obituary Does Not Mention The Child

When looking into babygate, I read the argument that the child is legitimately Louis’ son because he is listed as her grandchild in Internet-based obituaries and announcements. 

I also read the counter-argument that Louis’ mother’s official newspaper/print obituary does not mention the child.  I recall seeing proof, but I did not save it at the time. I did some research and this appears to be true. 

The Doncaster Free Press is a local weekly newspaper in Doncaster, and it published an article about the funeral. The article is NOT an obituary itself, but it does list her obituary details. The publication does not list the child among the surviving family members. 

If a mistake is made regarding these details, it’s typical for newspapers to post a correction addressing a misprint. Upon further research, the Doncaster Free Press did not issue a correction at any time. 

(Author’s Note: I lost my own mother and am personally familiar with how local obituaries are written. Immediate family members - i.e. spouses and adult children - provide information regarding surviving family members.) 

Conclusion

The conclusion here is straightforward. Louis and his family chose not to include the child in his mother’s official obituary. This strongly suggests that he is not legitimately related to Louis. 

My Opinion-Based Conclusions

Update: After some consideration, I am saving my opinion-based conclusions for a separate post. I originally intended to include them here; transparency is important to me.

Unfortunately, the section became rather long and took away from the main post points. So, I’ll be working on a post that’s just my opinion-based conclusions. In the meantime, feel free to message me with any questions. 

Final Thoughts

If you’ve made it this far, thank you for taking the time to read my post! I appreciate the interest expressed for it, and I hope it lives up to expectations. 

Again, I want to reiterate this is:

Not an all-inclusive post; I narrowed down my findings to seven points.

Not a masterpost on babygate.

Purposely omitting any potential Larry-related points to remove bias. 

I’ve reread this quite a few times, and it’s as error-free as possible. If you spot any mistakes/errors, I’m completely open to making corrections. Just kindly let me know. 

This list contains references/research about babygate that I consider the most reliable. It includes Larry and non-Larry related Babygate content.

Tumblr posts tagged with babygate by Tumblr use genuineconspiracy.

A web archive of babygate posts by Tumblr user tellmethisisnotlove (her account was deactivated by staff).

Tumblr posts tagged with babygate by darkrainbowlouis.

Tumblr posts tagged with babygate by skepticalarrie.

Lastly, if there’s interest in an opinion-related post or Larry-related post, I’ll consider writing them. Feel free to let me know as you all did with this post. 

Thanks!

Amy (obviouslygenuinely/latetolarry)

[wishuhadstayed]

It Takes a Village

Pairing: Aaron Hotchner x reader

Word Count: about 3000

Summary: when the Hotchner fam is in need, it’s a good thing to have many helping hands. Part 9 to Begin Again.

Warnings: mentions of blood and pregnancy complications

Author’s Note: I really am sorry for that cliffhanger y’all. 😬 I’m just glad you still love me after being gone for like, a literal year. Shoutout to @agent-laufeyson you’re the best 💜 (PS, please ignore Haley in the below gif, also please picture Hotch in the hospital in casual clothes.) 😌

Previous Chapter

Masterlist

For a moment, Aaron’s whole world stopped turning. A cold, familiar sense of dread settled into his chest at the words, “You all may want to sit down for this.”

“Not again,” he thought. “I can’t do this again, we can’t do this again.”

“God please,” he begged internally, slumping into a chair, “if you’re listening, please don’t take her. We need her.”

Suddenly, the voice of a surgeon cut through the silent room like a knife.

“Sir, your wife lost a significant amount of blood. We had no choice but to perform an emergency c-section. Although your daughter is slightly pre-term, she seems to be in good health. However, we would like to keep her a while for monitoring.”

“And my wife?” He inquires, voice trembling with fear.

“It was touch and go there for a while, but we were able to locate the source of bleeding and get it under control. Your wife is out of surgery. She’s stable, but she is very weak and currently asleep. She will also be hospitalized for recovery. At least a week most likely, maybe longer.”

“Mama’s gonna be okay?” Jack pipes up.

“Yes, she is buddy,” Aaron replies, ruffling his hair. “Thanks to that doctor.”

“Thanks for making my mama feel better.”

“You’re most welcome,” the surgeon replied. “You and your dad can go visit her now. The rest of you will have to wait. She needs her rest. I’m sorry.”

“Thank you doctor,” Aaron says, shaking his hand with a sigh of relief.

“You go Aaron,” Rossi encourages, clapping him on the shoulders before he even had a chance to turn around. “Go see your wife and baby. We’ll wait.”

——————————————————————————

Entering your hospital room, Aaron thought your sleeping face was the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen. Sitting on the side of your hospital bed, he grabbed hand as you stirred awake.

“Hello Angel,” he murmurs as you take everything in. “You gave us quite a scare,” he mentions, softly caressing your face.

“The baby,” you whisper, touching his hand.

“Ssssshhhh,” he soothes. “The baby is fine. She’s in the nursery. You just rest okay?”

Instant relief washes over your face. “Jack?”

“I’m right here mama!” he exclaims, scrambling into Aaron’s lap.

“I want to see the baby,” you tell Aaron.

“I know darling, but you really need your rest.”

“I NEED to see her, Aaron.” You plead.

Taking the hint, he begins to rise. “Jack why don’t you stay with mama, while I go talk to the nurse, okay?”

“Okay Daddy,” he agrees, climbing in the bed next to you.

“I’m glad you’re feeling better mama,” Jack says, looking up at you with the sweetest face.

“Me too, baby,” you reply. “Are you ready to meet your sister?”

“Yeah!” he exclaims with a look of excitement. “Can I hold her?”

“Of course you can buddy, as long as you’re careful,” Aaron replies as he re-enters the room. “The nurses are bringing her down.”

A few minutes later a nurse arrives holding a tiny pink blanket. “Who wants to hold her first?” She inquires.

“You should hold her first, Aaron,” you suggest.

“I wouldn’t dream of it,” he insists. “You’ve been the strongest, bravest mom I know already. You should hold her first.”

As the nurse places the tiny, squirming bundle with her father’s dark hair in your arms, all the stress and chaos of the day seems to just melt away.

As you free a tiny hand from the swaddle so she can grasp your finger, her eyes flutter open.

“She’s perfect, isn’t she?” you wonder aloud.

“Absolutely lovely,” Aaron muses, draping his arm around your shoulders. “Just like her mother.”

——————————————————————————

Meanwhile, cooped up in the waiting area, the BAU team began to grow restless.

“Maybe we should get out of the hospital and go shopping while we wait,” Garcia suggests. “I think Y/N deserves all the gifts and pretty things today.”

“Are you thinking what I’m thinking?” JJ questions.

“TARGET RUN!” all three women exclaim in unison.

They all wandered the aisles like kids in a candy store.

“I’m getting her balloons,” Penelope says. “Like so many pink balloons. Nobody can feel bad with that many balloons.”

“Flowers,” Rossi chimes in. “We should get her plenty of flowers to make the room cheerful.”

“We’ll have to get those from hospital gift shop,” JJ comments.

“I’d want chocolate,” Emily suggests. “Chocolate helps everything.”

“Look,” Morgan says, showing a pink stuffed bunny to Garcia. “It’s cute right? For the baby?”

“It’s perfect, Derek,” she assures, grabbing his hand. “Very cute.”

“Oh, a memory book,” Reid mentions. “So they can write down details every day.”

“Leave it to the genius to pick out a book,” Morgan jokes with a playful shove.

“Settle down, boys.” JJ cuts in. “As much as I’m sure she’ll appreciate the pretty gifts, she did just have a baby,” she reminds the group. “She needs some practical things too, trust me.” As she picks out a blanket and a pacifier, Henry begins to grow restless. As she picked up a snack for him, another idea crossed her mind.

“We should get something for Jack, too,” she thought aloud. “LEGOs. He loves LEGOs. And some gummy bears.”

A sudden ringing startles everyone.

“Ssssshhhhhhh,” Garcia commands as she puts the phone on speaker. “It’s Y/N! Quiet!”

“Hello my angel dear,” she lilts, “How are you feeling?”

“I’m very tired, but otherwise happy and healthy,” you report. “Is everyone with you?”

“We’re all here,” JJ chimes in.

“Hi everyone!” You reply. “In that case, I have news. The nurses have said that we’re allowed to have visitors first thing in the morning, if you’d like to see our newest addition.”

“Oh, wild horses could not keep us away, ma’am.” Penelope assures. “We’ll see you all bright and early.”

“Not too early, Penny,” you remind her. “You gotta give me a chance to wake up first.”

“Right, sooooo 10am then?”

“It’s a date.”

——————————————————————————

That evening, you soaked up as much family time as possible before the wave of visitors began. Aaron was a natural, as you’d known he would be from seeing him with Jack.

Watching him with the baby was quickly becoming your favorite pastime. The look of sheer enchantment on his face as he held her close and rocked her made you fall a little more in love with him every moment.

“Daddy loves you so much,” he coos to the tiny bundle in his arms.

“What?” he questions as he catches you watching.

“Oh nothing,” you reply, ruffling Jack’s hair as he slept by your side. “Just wondering how I got so lucky.”

“I think it’s me who got lucky. I thought I’d never love again. I was so closed off. I was prepared to spend the rest of my life as a single dad, doing everything on my own. Now,” he chokes out, “now I’d fall apart without you.”

“Good thing you’ve got two of us now to keep you boys in line then,” you return with a wicked grin. “She’s got you wrapped around her finger already.”

——————————————————————————

When you awoke the next morning, you were greeted by the most beautiful sight. Aaron still asleep in the recliner next your bed, his arm cradling the sleeping baby on his chest. While you hated to disturb the peaceful scene, you knew the team would be arriving as soon as the clock struck 10.

“Aaron,” you whisper. “Aaron, wake up,” slightly louder this time. He stirs awake, moving slowly so as not to wake the sleeping child.

“What is it babe?”

“The team will be here soon,” you inform him.

“Ah. I should go get ready,” he replies.

“Mama, can I hold her while dad gets ready?” Jack asks, startling the both of you.

“Oh buddy, I didn’t realize you were awake,” you say to him. “Of course you can hold her if you want.”

Jack scrambled into your lap as Aaron rounded the bed.

“Just be really careful with her bud,” Aaron reminds him as he settles the baby on his lap.

“I will dad,” he replies.

As Aaron walked away, the baby’s eyes fluttered open and she let out a small cry.

“Here, why don’t you give her a pacifier?” you suggest.

“Sssshhhh, don’t cry,” he says, giving her the pacifier, and then softly stroking her head.

“What do you think about your baby sister, Jack?”

“She’s pretty, Mama, just like you.”

“Thank you baby,” you reply. “That’s very sweet. I love you.”

“I love you too, mama.”

“And I love you all,” Aaron adds.

——————————————————————————

A short while later, a knock at the door alerts you that your visitors have arrived.

“You ready for this?” Aaron asks as he walks to the door.

“I’ve never been more ready. I just know they’re gonna be so in love with her.”

Aaron opens the door and the team flows in with their myriad of gifts.

Penelope hands off her bouquet of balloons to Derek and rushes over to hug you.

“Oh Y/N,” she gushes, cupping your face. “You look beautiful. It’s so good to see you, we were all worried sick.”

“Thank you Penny,” you reply, eyeing the room. “I’m assuming the shopping spree was your idea.”

“Oh shush woman,” she scolds. “You deserve it. We wanted your room to cozy and pretty because we heard you’re going to be here for a while. Sue us.”

“Thank you all for the gifts, you really didn’t have to do any of that,” you reply, tearing up as you address the whole room. “Just being there for us when we needed you the most was all we could ask for and you’ve gone above and beyond.”

“This is the least we could do, really,” JJ assures, softly rubbing your hand.

“Oh fine, be modest if you insist,” you reply with an eye roll. “I’d open all the gifts now, but I imagine you’re all much more interested in our slightly earlier than anticipated arrival.”

Seemingly for the first time since they came in, everyone notices Aaron’s presence and the little pink bundle in his arms.

“Ladies and gentlemen,” you continue, “the announcement you’ve all been waiting for. Introducing Miss Savannah Rose.”

“What a lovely name,” Emily chimes in.

“Thank you,” Aaron cuts in. “We would have told you all sooner but we actually just decided on it while we were here,” he says beaming down at his perfectly content infant daughter. “You can all hold her if you like.”

“I’m sure we’d all love to,” JJ replies, “but i think we should leave that you for now. I’m sure we’ll have plenty of time to spoil her rotten just as soon as she gets home.”

“Right! We just wanted to check on everyone and make sure you have everything you need,” Garcia adds.

“Well thanks to you guys, I think our hospital room is pretty well stocked. I just wish I could say the same for the nursery,” you say with a shrug.

“What’s wrong with the nursery?” Rossi inquires.

“I’m afraid that’s my fault,” Aaron admits. “Between me traveling so much for work and Y/N being pregnant and taking care of Jack, it got pushed to the wayside. I thought we had a bit more time.”

“Aaron, how many times do I have to tell you it’s not your fault?” you soothe, reaching for his hand. “We’ll figure it out together.”

“I know, I just wanted everything to be perfect for you.”

“It already is dear,” you assure him with a smile. “Why don’t you go get some coffee, you look exhausted.”

“Good idea babe,” he says, settling the baby into your arms.

“I could use a cup myself,” Morgan adds.

——————————————————————————

“Derek, I need your help,” Aaron pleads, once out of earshot of the room.

“Of course man, anything you need.”

“We’re going to be in the hospital for about a week while Y/N recovers and I’m desperate to have a nice nursery for her when we get home, but I obviously can’t leave her alone. I know it’s a lot to ask, but is there anything you could do to help?”

“Sure thing man, don’t worry about it. That’s the best gift I could hope to give you.”

“You’re the best,” Aaron replies, slapping him on the shoulder. “Just don’t let Y/N find out, okay? I want it to be a surprise.”

“My lips are sealed,” Derek promises.

——————————————————————————

That afternoon Derek had the whole team assembled in the nursery to get started.

“Alright everyone,” he begins, “We’ve got one week to make this the best surprise gift possible. Let’s make it happen.”

“What color should we paint it?” Penelope inquires.

“Got that covered already,” Derek replies while opening a paint can. “Purple. Hotch said it’s Y/N’s favorite color.”

“Oh Derek, it’s perfect!” she squealed, squeezing him tight. “She’s gonna adore it.”

“While the two of us are painting,” Penny addresses the group, “why don’t the rest of you do some some shopping?”

“Great idea, baby girl.” Morgan chimes in. “I think they’ve got the basics from the baby shower and I saw a crib and changing table in the garage, but I’m sure you guys can find things they’re missing.”

“Oh I think we’ve got this,” JJ states confidently. “Let’s get this show on the road,” she commands, herding Emily, Rossi, and Reid out the door.

When the group arrived back at the Hotchner house several hours later, the nursery walls were covered in a soft shade of lavender; as were Morgan and Garcia.

“I don’t know how you two managed to get any paint on the walls,” JJ said with a grin.

“Smile for the camera, you two,” Emily cuts in, snapping a picture on her phone as the couple hug and smile in their paint splattered clothes.

——————————————————————————

The next day conversation flowed as team was busily assembling furniture. Rossi, Reid, and Morgan worked on the crib while Penny, Emily, and JJ tackled the changing table.

“Let me know if you ladies need any help,” Morgan mentions casually.

“Oh right,” Emily grumbles, “because OBVIOUSLY the women need a big, strong man’s help, right?”

“I didn’t say that,” Derek counters. “I was just offering.”

“Oh not only will we get ours done without your help, we’ll get it done faster,” Emily challenges.

“Oh yeah?”

“YEAH!” all three women reply in unison.

“You’re on,” Morgan accepts.

“Oh you’re so going down,” Penny taunts, throwing pieces of plastic wrapping at Derek.

“Losers buy sushi for lunch?” Rossi suggests.

“Oh that could be pretty expensive for you Dave,” JJ comments. “You sure you’re up for that?”

“Ha ha, very funny,” Rossi says, rolling his eyes. “We’ll see about that.”

Two hours later, as JJ and Emily were finishing up the crib, the men came dragging in, arms full of takeout bags.

“Say cheese!” Penelope squeals as she takes their picture. “For the bragging rights.”

——————————————————————————

The next days were spent putting the finishing touches on the room.

A purple gradient butterfly mobile above the crib from JJ.

A bookshelf with a fully stocked library, specially selected by Reid. Emily places her floral covered photo album on top.

Lavender curtains with a shimmery overlay, Penelope’s contribution.

Derek’s stuffed bunny, carefully laid in a white gliding chair with purple cushions, which was generously paid for by Dave.

Derek lays a soft shag rug over the hardwood floor and drapes a plush floral blanket over the edge of the crib.

“I think that about does it, guys,” he says with a look of pride.

“You know, I bought them that photo album,” Emily comments, “it would be a shame if we didn’t put a few in there as a gift.”

“Yeah, but how do we get a picture of the whole group?” JJ wonders out loud.

“We could set a timer,” Penelope suggests.

“Yeah, but who sets the timer?” Reid asks, as he turns to see the whole group looking at him.

“Seriously guys?”

Between the camera falling over, closed eyes, and Spence not making it back before the timer, it took a few tries before there was a good group shot.

“And now a funny one,” Penny insists.

Once the photos, including the bloopers, have been printed and arranged in the album, JJ makes sure to write descriptions for each in the margins before setting it back on the shelf.

“Good job team,” Derek announces. “Our work here is done.”

——————————————————————————

After all the chaos surrounding the birth and a full week in the hospital, nothing felt better than standing at the door of your house with the love of your life and your two beautiful children.

“You ready to finally get some rest, baby?” Aaron asks as he ushers you inside the house, one solid arm arm around the small of your back and Savannah in her carrier on the other.

“Yeah,” you sigh, dropping your purse on the coffee table and slipping off your shoes. “I just wish we didn’t still have to worry about the nursery,” you groan, plopping down onto the sofa.

“About that,” Aaron says with a mischievous grin, offering you his free hand.

“What are you up to, Aaron Hotchner?” You muse as he leads you down the hallway.

“Just trust me,” he assures, coming to a halt in front of the nursery door. “Close your eyes,” he requests.

“What is going on here?” you inquire again.

“Just close your eyes please, darling,” he asks. “For me.”

“Alright, alright,” you comply, “this better be good.”

“Don’t open them until I say so, okay?”

“Yes sir.”

With eyes closed and Jack close by your side, you hear the door open and the rustling of paper inside the room.

“Alright,” he whispers, sliding his arm around your shoulders. “Open your eyes.”

—————————————————————————

Taglist: @ange-must-die @agent-laufeyson @poetsacademia @hotchners-slut @arganfics @ladyreapermc @rousethemouse @less-intelligent-spencerreid @tgibstan @themanip @word-scribbless @quillvine @glizzieborden @miss-united-ace @samayoshito @hotchnerundercover @pedropascalian @thenewnormalforensicator @crowdedimagines @sagittarianwolf @kleff03

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 309: Gotta Go My Own Way

Previously on BnHA: Muscular was all “well if it isn’t the protagonist on his solo journey of self-discovery, for some reason I’m unironically glad I get to fight you!” Deku was all “hey Muscular before I finish kicking your ass would you please take a moment to answer these two survey questions? Question one, do you regret being a total piece of shit? And question two, if you could do anything at all in the world other than being a total piece of shit, would you?” Muscular was all, “pfft, no and no.” Deku was all, “thanks buddy, your feedback helps make me a better hero, here’s a coupon for fifteen percent off your next ass-whooping.” Then he whooped his ass.

Today on BnHA: Deku is all “what up All Might can you believe you’ve been here this entire time?” All Might is all “I sure can since that’s literally my catch phrase, anyway how are your magic movie 1 gauntlets holding up?” Deku is all “they’re holding up fine, how are Hawks, Endeavor, and Best Jeanist doing?” Hawks, Endeavor, and Best Jeanist are all “we, your fellow co-conspirators, are also doing fine, thanks for asking!” Flashback!Deku is all “anyway so I secretly have All Might’s quirk and the most dangerous people in the world are after me, so sorry mom but that’s why I’m dropping out of school.” Inko is all “I CAN’T ACCEPT THAT” while totally accepting it. All Might is all “I GUESS WE’LL JUST HAVE TO GO ALONG WITH IT SINCE I DON’T FEEL LIKE TRYING TO STOP HIM.” Hawks, Jeanist, and Endeavor, as previously mentioned, are all “yeah that sounds like a good plan”, and Gran is all “see ya kid, don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.” So basically everyone in the entire world has suddenly teamed up with Deku to defeat AFO, except for the one person whose entire foreshadowed endgame is “teaming up with Deku to defeat AFO.” O Kacchan where art thou.

dear tumblr image limit: okay look. you don’t like me, and I don’t like you. but just as an experiment, I’m gonna try writing this recap with as few images as possible and we’ll see how it goes

(ETA: spoilers for how it went: it didn’t, lol.)

oh my god WHY ARE WE OPENING WITH MORE KETSUBUTSU ACADEMY KIDS.ffs we’d better at least finally get some Ms. Joke content out of this

(ETA: seriously who do I have to bribe.)

so these two KB kids who no one cares about are watching Deku leap away from the scene after dispatching Muscular. but more importantly wtf is this chapter title omg. “I can’t stay being a child” so that’s how it is huh. we’re gonna have feels and we’re going to like them. well then

oh my god he’s hauling Muscular away dhfksklfkh okay this is gonna have to be our first image because I can’t fucking help myself. look at this

just. Deku is so tiny and he’s carting away this massive unconscious lump of a man like it’s nothing why is this so funny to me. it’s like when people buy furniture, and they don’t want to pay extra for delivery and so they’re like, “I can definitely fit this king-sized mattress in the back of my compact sedan if I fold the fucking seat down, idk.” and they refuse to be talked out of it, and the next thing you know you’re watching them drive home with their open trunk door haphazardly tied down with bungee cords, and somehow it fucking works. because it turns out the compact sedan has super strength

anyway for SOME REASON now Horikoshi is all “have fun with that Deku, meanwhile we now return you to your regularly scheduled SHINDOU CONTENT” whyyyyyy

look at this. we’re really using up a whole fucking entire page on everyone arguing over who gets the honor of carrying Shindou

love how the civilians are all, “shit lol is this actually our fault?? quick, how do we play this off all casual like we were the reasonable parties here all along”

turns out all it took to finally get them to listen was making them watch while a kid got his insides ground into a pulp because of their stupidity!! what a heartwarming conclusion to this little standoff

anyways THANK GOD we’re cutting back to Deku now!! well actually we’re cutting back to Muscular who is being dropped off at the police precinct, good bye and good riddance lol

so Deku’s leaving him there and bounding away and okjdlSKFJLKJDSL OH MY GOD

no fucking way. no fucking way this little jaunt is All Might-sanctioned and approved. are you serious?? then who else is in on this?? what the hell is going on

so All Might is just WAITING FOR HIM IN AN ALLEY FFF WHO ARE YOU, JIM GORDON. or would Alfred be a better analogy here?? but like, Alfred if he ditched the suit for a moto jacket and shades

this new ensemble of All Might’s may or may not severely impact my ability to take this forthcoming conversation seriously; please stand by

also, quite the spectacular landing there, Deku. seriously lol what was that

“HOW ARE YOUR LIMBS” “THANKS TO YOU THEY’RE COMPLETELY FINE” I’M SORRY WHAT

LOL WHAT. “THANKS TO THE POWER OF THESE MAGIC GLOVES” OH I SEE THAT EXPLAINS IT

are these the same gauntlets from the first movie, then? well that’s all well and good, except that now there’s going to be more Deku Discourse than fucking ever lol. so if it’s all the same to you guys, I’m gonna once again go ahead and declare this week’s post a discourse-free zone, at least when it comes to the specific discourse of Deku’s merits as a MC, and the impact that him kicking ass and having working arms has on said merits. this has been something of a low mental energy week for me, so I’d rather reserve the energy I do have for more fun topics, such as All Might’s bitchin’ leather jacket

anyway so All Might’s saying that the gauntlets will help reinforce Deku’s arms, but they can’t withstand OFA at 100%. so basically it’s a support item designed to maintain the status quo lol. we’re basically in the same situation we were before, arm-capability-wise

homg All Might’s getting a call. time to see who else is in on Operation: Deku Alone?? or not so alone for that matter

omg

HI HAWKS, WHERE ARE YOUR WINGS

(ETA: seriously are they really gone for good?? why would he even be back on active duty then?? does he have his own American ex-boyfriend who can hook him up with exclusive support items?? dammit Horikoshi we want answers.)

looks like Jeanist and Endeavor are teaming up as well, just like they said they would. I would gladly follow this trio around all day long tbh

is this the same giant villain from the very first chapter??

looks like it to me, and it would tie in with that callback from the end of chapter 306. we all thought that was Muscular, but maybe it was this guy, and Deku left these three to deal with him while he ran off to take Muscular down

oh my god now Deku is running off again just like that

kids these days

ffffff I have not had nearly enough sleep to follow along with whatever tf Hawks is talking about here sob

like, is he trying to say that All Might is keeping Deku’s whereabouts unknown to anyone except for him?? in order to keep him safe?? but Hawks is pointing out that that’s a bad strategy and probably won’t do shit against AFO and it’s better if he lets Deku work with the rest of them?

(ETA: so @hanashimas​’ translation makes a lot more sense -- it’s not All Might who’s being overprotective, but Deku. in other words he’s trying not to drag All Might into his battles. and in addition Hawks is saying that their strategy is to take the offensive and go after AFO themselves rather than wait for him to come to them. which I’m not too sure about myself, but that’s another topic for another day.)

btw I can’t help thinking how much better this entire conversation would be if All Might was still wearing his sunglasses. put them back on my dude. it’s not too late. embrace your inner badass

DKLJSLDKFJL FLASHBACK ALERT, FUCKING FINALLY

“turns out, we were just trying to scare you straight. fuck lot of good that did though lol”

also what is this. one true love: the hospital bed. is that a scanlator joke or is Horikoshi actually that funny omg

SKLJDFLJLK

ITSA ME!! omg I love this hospital so much. though it’s sure not helping me in my quest to try and keep this post below ten images. I’m already up to eleven haha r.i.p. to me if tumblr doesn’t get its shit together

whaaaaaat, so he’s saying that Deku’s injuries were external (i.e. Tomura beating the shit out of him) rather than internal this time?? whaaaaat. excuse me but that’s some bullshit lmao. believe me, I was there

okay now he’s going on to explain that Deku’s “internal structure” seems to have been protected from the inside and out, and the corresponding panel seems to be implying that using Blackwhip as a brace paid off. huh

and also that his body is just stronger now?? so I guess he’s better able to withstand the quirk after an additional year of training?? I’M NOT SURE IF I BUY ANY OF THIS LOL but I’m willing to suspend my disbelief

OH MY GOD RED ALERT, INKO IS ASKING ALL MIGHT TO EXPLAIN WTAF DEKU’S QUIRK IS, IS IT FINALLY THAT TIME OMGGGG

SO HE’S EXPLAINING IT TO HER OFF-SCREEN, AND INKO IS JUST LIKE

I GUESS THAT’S FAIR LOL. IT’S TRUE INKO I’M SO SORRY, YOUR SON IS A PROGATONIST R.I.P.

AHHKKJH DEKU ANGST IS IT FINALLY THAT TIME OMGGGGGG

what is this soft pop beat that’s suddenly being pumped in over the speakers. I’VE GOT TO MOVE ON~ AND BE WHO~ I~ AM~~~, I JUST DON’T BELONG HERE, I HOPE YOU UNDERSTAAAAAAAND. also, follow-up question, when is Kacchan finally going to come back so he can jump in with the “WHAT ABOUT US~~~” bridge, huh. come the fuck on, Horikoshi

lmao All Might jesus christ

but given that it’s a stupid-ass decision...

anyway, yes!! finally that sweet, sweet “I don’t want to put anyone else in danger” angst!!

mmm that’s good angst Brent. Kacchan with center panel honors as usual, you love to see it. anyways though who do I have to yell at to get Deku a goddamn HUG around here seriously

so Inko is of course reacting with panic, and sensibly saying that she doesn’t approve of Deku’s “RUN AWAY AND FIGHT THE BAD GUYS ALL ON MY OWN, DON’T WORRY MOM I’LL JUST GET STRONGER, EASY AS PIE, IT’S A FOOLPROOF STRATEGY” plan

son of a bitch this manipulative green asshole is really gonna sit here and smile fondly at his mom and try to convince her that he’s Not A Little Kid Anymore. the hell you’re not mister

y'all are really just gonna sit there and let him talk you into this?? surely it can’t be that easy??

OH MY GOD

THE FEELS oh my god oh my god. BUT ALSO YOU’RE SERIOUSLY JUST GOING TO COLLAPSE INTO HIS ARMS SOBBING AND LET HIM DO WHATEVER THE FUCK HE WANTS LKJLJLFK. WHERE ARE ALL THE STRICT PARENTS AT?? AIZAWA, GANG ORCA, MITSUKI, SOMEONE PLEASE COME AND TELL DEKU TO SIT HIS ASS THE FUCK DOWN. NOW LISTEN HERE YOUNG MAN!!

“EVEN IF I TRY TO STOP YOU YOU’LL STILL LEAVE” WELL SURE, IF BY “TRY TO STOP HIM” YOU MEAN POLITELY TRY TO TALK HIM OUT OF IT FOR THREE SECONDS. HE’S SIXTEEN WTF WHEN DID HE BECOME THE BOSS OF YOU ALL. SOMEONE NEEDS TO COME AND TELL HIM HE’S GROUNDED

anyway sob so that’s the story of how Deku talked his parents into letting him drop out of school, and even convinced All Might to be his own personal Guy In The Chair. holy shit. this kid really went and rolled a nat 20 and the rest of them had no choice but to fold without argument

meanwhile here’s a panel of Best Jeanist trying to braid his phone into his hair just cuz

I’m dying to know which part of his language he considers to be crude here. you literally didn’t even use a contraction my guy

so now flashback!Deku is talking to Gran in the dark, and Gran is all “can you believe I’m not fucking dead yet lol that’s too funny. anyway, you sure I can’t interest you in killing Tomura after all?? no?? okay then here’s my cape.” truly a heartwarming scene

I’m kind of torn here tbh. on the one hand, my adhd ass wasn’t all that interested in sitting down and having an extended scene between these two when there’s so much else that I want to get to. but on the other hand, even I can admit that cramming this entire reunion into a single page seems just a BIT rushed. idk. like maybe someone can let Horikoshi know it’s a marathon and not a race. Deku didn’t even get any dialogue here, some of us want to know his thoughts!! but anyway

AND JUST LIKE THAT?!

how did all four of them let him con them into this. I literally just watched it happen and I still can’t figure out how. “I GUESS THIS SIXTEEN-YEAR-OLD HIGH SCHOOL DROPOUT IS OUR LEADER NOW” ffflfjf. when Aizawa finds out he’s gonna go apeshit. AND DON’T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON BAKUGOU KATSUKI, WHO I HAVE BEEN ASSURED DOES IN FACT STILL EXIST. WHAT ABOUT USSSSS, WHAT ABOUT EVERYTHING WE’VE BEEN THROUGH. WHAT ABOUT TRUST???! YOU KNOW I NEVER WANTED TO HURT YOUUUUU

btw lol don’t get me wrong, I am enjoying this, and I’m honestly glad Deku’s not alone because that would suck for him! but that said, Hawks and Jeanist have lost any credibility they might have once had as far as being The Responsible Ones, and as for All Might and Endeavor, fucking hell lol. everyone just deposited all of their fucks in a bank somewhere for safekeeping and decided to never look back. godspeed you mad lads

[winterscaptain]

permanent.

Aaron Hotchner x Fem!Reader a joyful future fic

a/n: just in case you missed it, i published a family tree for the hotchners! at this point, jack is married to bella and living in d.c. she’s a journalist for the washington division at the new york times and is generally pretty awesome. as always, lemme know what you think!

words: 3.1k warnings: language, hospital setting, canon-typical injury

summary: “write your injuries in dust, your benefits in marble” - benjamin franklin. au!december 2035

masterlist | a joyful future masterlist | ajf faq | taglist | what do you want to see next?

“Come on, Soph! Go, baby, go!”

Your daughter is a vision. She streaks across the field, her green and yellow uniform almost melding with the grass as she keeps control of the ball. You can’t see her face too clearly, but you know she’s scanning the field with the same intensity you see in Aaron’s face beside you. 

Isaac plops down on the bench behind you, home from Los Angeles for winter break. “How’s she doing?” 

Aaron half-turns his head, keeping his eyes on the field. “Going for a hat trick - if she makes it, it’ll be her third this season.” 

“Excellent.” 

Caroline, down the field with her choir group, lounges happily between the legs of one of her friends, eating popcorn. When she sees you looking, she waves at you.

You wave back for a moment before your attention’s caught by a collective gasp and Aaron’s hand shoots to your forearm. You turn back to the field, but you missed it. 

Everyone’s moving and you don’t know why. 

With shocking agility for his age, Aaron all but leaps down the bleachers and onto the field. Your eyes search for Soph, but there are too many people on the field, all of a sudden. 

Caroline’s standing on the seat of the bleachers, her friends steadying her with their hands on her arms and ankles. 

There’s a hand, soft and scared on your shoulder. “Mom?”

You open your arms, and your nearly-grown son ducks under it, curling into you as you stand. “Do you want your earbuds?” 

You feel him nod and you pull them out of your bag. His trembling quiets a little after he fits them in his ears. 

There’s a clamber, and Caroline appears at your side. “What happened?” 

“I don’t know. I wasn’t watching.” 

She exhales, shaky and worried. “Where’s Dad?” 

“On the field.”

But where? 

You find Aaron, his salt-and-pepper hair stark in the autumn light. He’s talking to the referee, his brows low. 

You hear sirens. 

+++

“Oh, hey! What’s up, Mom?” 

You almost hate to ruin his mood. 

“Jack, honey, can you get down to the house at any point tonight?” 

You try not to grip the handle above the car door too tightly as Aaron races through the suburban streets, following the ambulance. Soph was definitely lucid when they loaded her up, but definitely in a lot of pain. 

“Ye - Yeah...Why?” 

“Soph’s headed to the ER - something happened on the soccer pitch today and her knee…” You shake your head. “I dunno. Her knee looks really bad.” 

“Fuck. Okay.” You hear him shuffle around and click his mouse - checking his schedule. “I can get down there after my last meeting at four - I’m headed there in a few minutes, but won’t be able to swing any earlier. I’d cancel it, but it’s literally SecDef and the Joint Chiefs and -” 

“That’s fine - I just need someone at the house with the kids until one of us can get back. Elliot’s at baseball practice until six and I’m not sure if -” 

“I’ll be there. I’ll get El and then I’ll swing by for Isaac and Caro if they’re still with y’all down there.” 

You glance over at Aaron and nod. He heaves a sigh of relief and mouths Thank you. 

“Thanks, Jack.” 

“Yeah. See you soon. Love you.” 

“Love you, too.”

+++

When you’re finally allowed in to see Sophia, her eyes are red and puffy with tears. Her right leg is braced and elevated at the knee. 

Her doctor explains the situation - dislocated knee and splintered patella with a torn meniscus and ACL. “This kind of traumatic knee injury poses a couple of issues…” 

He explains that the rehabilitation and surgery needs for both the ACL and meniscus are exceedingly different, and “It’s entirely possible Miss Sophia will experience permanent joint damage. However, we won’t know that until we have an orthopaedic surgeon look at it tomorrow.” 

“What about sports? Can I still play?” Soph tries to sit up farther, but Aaron’s arm shoots out, locking her against the bed across her shoulders. 

The doctor looks hesitant, and it’s all she needs to burst into tears again. Aaron moves, sitting on the side of the bed and wrapping her up in his arms. He looks over her head at you and your lower lip disappears into your mouth as you meet his gaze. 

You shift your attention to your other children sitting patiently behind you.

Caroline’s practically bit her nails to the quick - her hands looking more and more like her Aunt Emily’s as the moments pass. 

Isaac’s been sitting in the wide windowsill for the entire afternoon, his headphones on, staring out the window, his mouth tight and fingers tearing into the foam stress ball you keep in your purse. 

We’ll need another one of those. Or five.

 You get a phone call, and you step out. “Hey, Jack.” 

“Hey. Just got Elliot. We’re headed over to the hospital now. How’s she doing?” 

You sigh and press a hand to your forehead. 

“Oh, shit. That bad?” He asks. 

You don’t comment on his tell pickup. It’s in his blood, at this point. “Yeah. She’s definitely out for the rest of the season, and we’re looking at some long-term stuff, too.” 

“Fuck.” 

“Hey! I’m still here and she’s gonna kick your ass if you keep swearing in front of me, dude.” Elliot shouts from the back and it almost makes you smile. 

“I’m actually inclined to agree with you, Jack. We’ve got a dislocated and splintered patella in addition to a torn meniscus and ACL. It’s going to be a long rehab.” 

You hear a deep sigh into the bluetooth system in Jack’s car. “Well, I’ll stay here for the duration.” 

“No, no honey it’s alright. Your dad is home full-time and you’ve got a huge project reaching critical stages. Your room is all ready for you, but you really don’t have to hang around if you can’t manage the drive every day. And Bella -”

“Bells is looped in. She’s fine. She’s more than happy to tag out if we need to. Her deadlines are really loose right now what with the whole ‘nothing going on in Arlington’ thing this week. She’s heartbroken for Soph and wants to help where she can.” 

“Alright.” 

“Hey,” He huffs, sounding a lot like his dad. “I’ll let you go. I’ll text when I’m outside.” 

“Okay. Thanks, bud.” 

“Of course,” he says, like it’s the simplest thing in the world. “Anytime.” 

+++

Sophia’s sleeping when Alice and Hank come to visit later in the evening. Aaron went home a couple hours after Jack, planning to tag out with you later so you could get some sleep in your own bed before work tomorrow. 

Alice immediately embraces you, all but falling into your lap as you hold her. She’s shaking.

“Is she okay?” 

You push her back, smoothing some wayward edges at her hairline. “She will be.” 

Alice’s dark eyes fill with tears, and you brush them off her cheeks as they fall. 

“She’ll need your help, though. It’s gonna be a long time before we figure out what’s permanent and what’s not.” 

Alice nods and retreats, sitting in the plastic chair by Soph’s side, folding her arms on the mattress and laying her head on them. “Hey, Sofa,” she whispers, though Soph can’t hear her. 

“I haven’t heard that one in a while,” you tell her. Sofa is a nickname Derek gave Sophia when she was little. No big meaning to it, but it stuck. 

You wouldn’t be surprised if she stayed there all night. 

Hank lingers by the door. In the shadow of the room, you could easily mistake him for Derek, but that concerned pull at the corners of his eyes screams Savannah. 

Eventually, he crosses the room and sits on the little lounger beside you. 

He takes your hand and you kiss his knuckles. “I bet this isn’t how you wanted to spend your winter break, huh?” 

A little laugh leaves him. “Maybe not, but little Miss Thing over here dragged me out the door before I could get two words in edgewise.” He gestures vaguely toward Alice and you actually smile. 

“Yeah. In my experience, Morgan women don’t fuck around.” 

“You got that right,” comes a voice from the doorway. It’s Savannah, fresh off her shift and still in her white coat and scrubs. She scours over Sophia’s charts and checks on her before sitting on your other side. 

“Do you want the bad news or the good-but-also-kind-of-bad news?” She asks, almost inaudible. You glance up at Soph but Savannah shakes her head. “She’s out - those pain meds will leave this entire visit a blur.” 

You sigh. “Fine. Hit me with the bad shit.” 

“You sure?”

“Yeah.” 

Savannah rests her elbows on her knees. “I’ve seen a knee injury like this exactly once before. No matter what you do, they can’t and don’t always heal right. She could need a mobility device permanently, even after she’s healed, and I can tell you now she won’t play again.” 

That’s okay. She’s okay. 

Better soccer goes than her life. 

Soccer is her life. 

You only know that Alice can hear everything when her shoulders start to shake. She doesn’t make any noise as she cries. She’s like her dad that way. Hank stands and places a hand between her shoulder blades, but says nothing. 

“Is that the worst of it?” 

Savannah nods. “Yeah.” She takes a breath. “The kinda good news is that she’ll be totally fine no matter what obstacles she may run into. She’s tough. I wouldn’t expect anything less from a Hotchner.”

She snorts. “Hell, I watched you bounce back from crazy life-threatening shit with a quip and a grin.” 

You raise your eyebrows and shrug. “I do what I can.” 

+++

Caroline curls into her father’s side, her double bed big enough to manage the both of them. It feels a lot like when she was little - she’d have nightmares or couldn’t fall asleep and Aaron would come and sit with her until her breath was even and slow.

“Dad?”

“Mhmm?”

“What’s Soph gonna do about college?” Caroline’s voice is small, nearly smothered in Aaron’s shirt. “She already has scouting offers and stuff.” 

“Yeah,” he says with a sigh. “I’m not sure. We’ll all have to figure it out together, won’t we?”

+++

Aaron steps into the room, closing the sliding glass door behind him. Alice, just as you predicted, snoozes next to Sophia, her head pillowed on her arms. Sophia’s upper body almost arcs around her and she managed to snag one of Alice’s hands in her adjustment. 

Those two…

Maybe he won’t escape the inevitable after all. 

Morgan-Hotchner? Hotchner-Morgan? 

He really only ever prepared to lose his name with Caroline. Soph always seemed far too… herself to take on a new one. 

We’ll see.

You’re asleep in the pull-out chair, your brow drawn and arms crossed over your chest. He approaches you as quietly as he can, putting his go bag down and sitting beside you. 

Much to his chagrin, you startle awake. 

“Sorry,” he says in a whisper. “I didn’t mean to wake you.” 

You shake your head. “You didn’t.” Talking through your yawn, you add, “Just had a weird dream is all.” 

Aaron pulls you close and you relent, tucking into his side with a hand pressed to his chest. 

“Did Savannah come by?” He asks. 

You nod. 

“What did she say?” 

You sniff a little, more from the antiseptic smell than any emotional response - that will come later. “Soph won’t be able to play again unless fuckin’ divine intervention or some shit comes along and fixes her knee from scratch, but she’ll be able to move around just fine with a cane or brace or something after a while.” 

Aaron can only imagine it now - fits and righteous anger about getting around the house, watching games from the bench - the list could go on forever. “She’ll hate that.” 

You hum in agreement. “Just another parenting challenge. Already have the rest of the gamut covered neurodevelopmentally, so we were bound to get a physical challenge at some point.” 

“Never more than we can handle.” 

Shaking your head, you note, “This one just might do us in.” 

+++

“I swear to God, if I see you in the office at all this week I’m gonna smash your kneecaps in.” Emily pauses. “Sorry. Too soon?” 

“No, no, it’s fine.” You laugh a little and Soph sits up, her brow asking a question. 

You answer, pulling the phone away from your mouth. “Your Aunt Emily told me she’d smash my kneecaps if she saw me at the federal building this week.” 

Soph snorts. “Nice. We could match.” 

You reach over and tweak her nose. “We already match.” 

“Hey.” Emily grabs your attention again and you put your cell back to your ear. “I’m serious. I don’t want you to be here. Stay home for Soph right now and I’ll sign off on it and turn everything in for you.” 

You roll your eyes. “I can’t believe you turned into Rossi, Miss I’m Past Retirement Age But Twisted the Bureaus Arm to Let Me Work Myself to Death.”

She laughs and hangs up, leaving you and Sophia alone again in the hospital room. She tucks back into her Jello, taking bites that are way too big. 

“How are you feeling, bug?” You brush her cheekbone with your thumb and she shrugs. 

“Can you hand me my headband?” 

You reach over and dig around in her back until you find the wide swatch of colorful fabric. She takes it from you and shoves it over her head, pushing her hair back with practiced ease. 

She’s just like her dad. 

What? Loyal? 

Yeah. But also chronically avoidant. 

“You didn’t answer my question.” 

She huffs, playing with her fingers. “I’m fine. I think.” Her breath is shaky. “I can’t really tell with all the meds I’m on, but it feels… really bad.” 

When she looks over at you again, her eyes are glassy, tearful. “I know I can’t play again, maybe not even run.” 

You reach out for her hand, but don’t say anything. 

“Momma…” She pauses, looking down at her blanket. “Momma, I don’t know what I’m gonna do. I feel like I only know how to play soccer. I don’t know how - I don’t know if I want to do anything else. I’ve never thought about it before.” 

You run your thumb over her knuckles. “Soph, you can do so much. You have a great strategic mind - you think in these big, creative webs. It’s such an asset.” 

“Don’t profile me.” 

“I’m not profiling you, baby,” you tell her with a smile. “I just know that about you because you’re my daughter.”

Her mouth twists. “Right.” She looks down when her phone buzzes. 

“Who is it?” 

The corners of her lips tip up. “It’s Alice. She’s asking me if I want anything from the drive thru.”

You mirror her little smile. “That’s nice of her.” 

“Yeah.”

+++

“Alright so you have twenty nuggets, large fries,” Alice digs around in the bag, taking things out as she speaks. “And… a vanilla milkshake.” 

“God, I love you.” Sophia wraps her hand around Alice's head and pulls her close, pressing a kiss to her temple. 

Alice laughs, deep from her chest. “Shit, Soph, if all I have to do to secure your love is get you crap chicken, sign me up.” 

“You could get damn close.” 

Aaron watches the girls sit beside each other in the bed, taking turns dipping their nuggets in the sauce. They’ve always been this way, exchanging barbs and affection in equal measure. Symbiotic in the extreme, one is never far from the other. 

You’re home, getting everyone else in bed and settled for the evening. Isabella drove in a night early - Jack’s headed back to D.C. apartment for a series of days-long meetings at the Pentagon regarding his latest project. 

Aaron’s excited to see her. It’s been a helluva thing to see his son married, even more surreal to know and love his son’s wife like his own daughters. 

His phone rings. 

Speak of the devil. 

“Hey, Bella.” 

Sophia looks over at the mention of her sister-in-law, and Alice looks beside herself with delight. As well as being a hit among the parents, Bella’s a winner with the kids, too. 

Some days, Caroline likes her more than she likes Jack. 

“Hey, Pops. Want to tag out?” 

“Sure. I’ll switch with you. How long do you want to be here?” 

He can almost hear her shrug. “Eh. I’ll spend the night. My column isn’t due until the end of the week and I’ve got it covered. Don’t need to work, don’t really need to sleep. Win-win.”

“If you say so.” 

“I do. I’ll be there in twenty.” 

She hangs up before Aaron can respond, so he just pockets his phone and takes the loss. Sophia, after taking a sip of her milkshake, asks. “Is Bella here all night?” 

“Yeah, bug. She’ll be here.” 

Soph and Alice share a look. 

+++

“Well, Bella has more patience than I do,” Aaron says, dropping his go bag at the bedroom door. “She’s stuck with H&M for the rest of the night at the hospital.” 

You laugh, wrapping your arms around him. “I’m glad the girls have company, and fun company, at that.” 

“Fair enough.” 

The two of you quiet for a moment, and you tuck further under his arm, placing your hand over his heart. 

“Aaron?” 

His hand traces up and down your back, slow and steady. “Yeah?” 

“What can we do for her? She sounded so… defeated today.” 

And it’s true. You’ve never seen Soph like that, even at her lowest. If you were honest, it scared you a little. 

“We can be her parents. That’s all. And she’ll figure something out. If she needs to take a gap year, she’ll manage. She and Alice can search for programs together.” He sighs before he continues, leaning back to look at you. 

“All we can do is ask her what she needs and support her as best we can.” 

+++

tagging: @avengersbau @ambicaos @angelsbabey @arganfics @averyhotchner @bwbatta @capricorngf @cevanswhre @crazyshannonigans @criminalsmarts @deagibs @forgottenword @genevievedarcygranger @hotchsflower​ @hotchslatte​ @hurricanejjareau @joanofarkansass @kelstark @kerrswriting @little-blue-fishie @lotties-journey-abroad @mandylove1000 @missdowntonabbey @mrs-dr-reid @pan-pride-12 @popped-weasels @quillvine @qvid-pro-qvo @reidingmelodies @reids-mismatchedsocks @roses-and-grasses @shesbiochem4 @ssahotchnerr @ssaic-jareau @ssareidbby @starsandasteroids @stxrrywildflower @sunflowersandotherthings @sunshine-em @teamhappyme @this-broken-band-girl @ughitsbaby @unicorn-bitch @venusbarnes @violet-amxthyst @word-scribbless @writefasttalkevenfaster @zizzlekwum @iconicc @avatarkorraswife @mooneylupinblack @ssworldofsw @nuvoleincielo @kaemarie23 @violentvulgarvolatile @abschaffer2 @ellyhotchner @rousethemouse @baumarvel @reidtomestyles @dreamsonthewall @jhiddles03 @willlemonheadsupremacy @infinity1321 @messyhairday-me @itsalwaysb33nyou @finnologys @hotch-meeeeeuppppp @hothothotchner @happyvol7 @ssa-holmes @mac99martin @ssahotchner99 @triangularroses @vagabond-ing @itsmytimetoodream @magic_in_the_eyes_of_the_beholder

[woah-were-halfway-there]

Just What I Needed: Part 3

A/N: get ready for this freaking rollercoaster. As many of you know, this is the next part in the AFTR series and in typical me fashion, turn out way longer than I intended it to be. Enjoy. ☺️

Thank you my dear @andrei-svech​ for beta reading and listening to me yell about this.

Word Count: 12.8k... ffs

You knew you were awake. You sensed too much going on for you not to be, and yet, you still were unable to open your eyes.

"Do you know how far along she is in her pregnancy?" A female voice you didn't recognize spoke up, sounding much louder than the various beeps and shuffles you also heard.

"14 weeks," Auston replied, his voice husky. The way his voice sounded whenever he was really upset about something. "Closer to 15 weeks now. Do you know what caused this?"

"Fainting isn't uncommon with pregnant women," a male voice stated. "Dehydration, drops in blood pressure, there's a couple of different reasons as to why this could have happened. We won't know for sure, what exactly, until she sees a doctor."

"I'm more concerned over the fact that she hasn't woken up yet," the woman said.

That's when you decided you needed to open your eyes, and as soon as you did, your gaze fell on Auston.

He looked rough, and that's putting it nicely. His hair was messy, it was evident that he'd been running his hands through it like he always does when he's anxious, and his eyes were red and puffy. He was gripping onto your right hand as he watched another man and woman that were also in the small space as they did something off in a corner.

It was then you realized the man and woman were paramedics, and you were lying on a stretcher in an ambulance. Panic didn't take too long settling in after that.

"Auston?" Your voice cracked as you went stiff in realization and immediately gripped onto his hand for reassurance, his gaze moving to you right away. "Wait. Where's Mia?"

You went to sit up, suddenly on high alert after realizing your daughter wasn't with you but had to stop when you felt the now-familiar wave of lightheadedness wash over you again.

"Woah, take it easy, baby," Auston said as he gave you a look, silently pleading that you didn't fight him on this. You didn't. Instead, you slowly laid back down because you trusted that he would answer your question once you weren't so worked up, and he did. "Mia is ok. She's at home with my family. My parents are going to meet us at the hospital once you get checked over. I asked them to stay at the house to make sure Mia was ok after everything."

You nodded in response. What he said made you feel better in a way, but you were unable to keep your emotions from taking over still.

"Did she see me faint?" You asked quietly, blinking back the tears you felt welling up in your eyes as you did.

Auston paused, then sighed.

"She did."

"Shit."

Before Auston could respond again, and you could get too in your thoughts, the female paramedic approached the two of you cautiously and cleared her throat. Once you looked at her, she smiled softly before looking to Auston and nodding.

"Hi, Y/N," she greeted. "How are you feeling?"

"Not great," you admitted as Auston lifted your hand that was still linked with his up to his lips and gently kissed your knuckles. "Tired. Kind of just want to be back home, to be completely honest."

"That's understandable. We're almost at the hospital. As soon as a doctor sees you and makes sure everything is ok, you should be able to go home very soon."

You smiled and nodded at her reassurance.

"Thank you. How long was I passed out for?"

"We weren't very far from your house when we got the call for you," the male paramedic chimed in. "Auston said you fainted, maybe five or six minutes before we got there. So about twenty minutes, give or take."

"Lovely," you sighed, then looked at Auston tiredly.

"You scared the shit out of me," he told you, not in a way to make you feel bad, but to let you know how genuinely worried he was about you. "Mia is probably pissed at me right now."

"Why would she be?"

"When she saw you faint, she was worried about you, but I panicked. I asked Bre to take her out of the room so she wouldn't have to see you like that, and she was so upset, babe. She was still crying when we left the house."

Your heart broke hearing that. Not only at the thought of Mia being upset after seeing you faint, but also how hard the entire situation must've been on Auston and his family.

"I'm sorry," you whispered, not being able to stop the tears welling in your eyes again. "I-I should've just gone to the hospital earlier when my doctor said she couldn't get me in until tomorrow. I knew something was wrong. I had that feeling, fuck!"

"Y/N, you had no way of knowing this is what would happen. Please don't be so hard on yourself," he reasoned with you while giving your hand another little squeeze. "I, uh, I kind of dropped a bomb on everyone too."

"What do you mean?"

"I'm sorry. I know this isn't how we wanted anyone to find out, but, in my panicked state, my mom was trying to calm me down, and without even thinking, I told her that you were pregnant again."

"To be fair, it's best that you did because we needed to know to be able to tend to her properly," the male paramedic spoke up again. "And, sorry to interrupt, but we are approaching the hospital."

"You ready?" Auston asked and reached towards you to gently push your hair out of your face. He then tried to give you a reassuring smile, although you could easily see through his facade.

It was apparent that he was as anxious as you were, but he had already been so brave and strong for you. The least you could do was be the same for him.

"As long as I have you by my side, I'm ready for anything."

Once you were taken into the hospital, it wasn't long before you were seeing a doctor. She was a lovely woman, but you couldn't help but feel a little uncomfortable because you hated going to the hospital. You much preferred going to your own doctor. You always felt comfortable with her regardless of the situation, whereas anything else felt foreign. But luckily, you had Auston there.

At first, the E.R. doctor was a little confused by what would've caused your fainting. She was able to see how your last doctor's appointment went and that you seemed to be in perfect health. She then read how low your blood pressure was from when the paramedics checked it in the ambulance while you were still passed out. That was pretty concerning.

She explained to you and Auston that your fainting could've been caused by Dehydration, which was most common, but she wanted to test your blood to see if anything else came up. And sure enough, something did.

The doctor was able to get you a rapid test, so about half an hour after she finished taking some blood, she came back into the room and explained that your blood had a lower than average amount of red blood cells, which is tied to iron deficiency. In other words, you were diagnosed with anemia.

Being told that absolutely terrified you. It was the last thing you wanted to hear, and with the way Auston was physically pale when you glanced over at him, you could tell he was feeling the same way.

However, the doctor then explained how your anemia was more than likely just related to your pregnancy. It was more than likely that it would no longer be an issue once your baby was born, but it did pose some possible negative effects on the baby if not treated properly.

Your chances of having a premature birth, a baby with low birth weight, as well as postpartum depression, were much higher because of this. Again, not something you or Auston wanted to hear, but the doctor quickly said how the addition of an iron supplement with your prenatal vitamins should help keep things relatively at bay. She said it was likely that you may still feel dizziness, fatigue and other symptoms at times throughout your pregnancy, but keeping your iron levels up would help that. She then told you to see your doctor still the following day and said to take things easy before running a quick ultrasound to check on the baby.

Roughly an hour and a half after you arrived at the hospital, you were allowed to finally go back home, which was the best news you'd heard all night.

Not many words were exchanged between you and Auston as the two of you sat in the waiting room until his parents got there to pick you both up. There wasn't much that could be said. The two of you were still processing everything you had just been told, and it was a damn hard pill to swallow. So, instead of talking about it, the two of you sat in silence. You leaned against each other for the support neither of you could give verbally at the time.

The moment Ema and Brian entered the emergency room, you broke down. You knew, as a mother herself, Ema would understand how you were feeling, and it was not long before she was rushing over to you and Auston, then pulling you into her embrace.

Auston was the one to explain the news as you just cried it out a little bit, while Ema let you hold onto her. She kept assuring that everything was going to be ok, but for the first time in a long time, you were almost positive it wasn't.

That feeling of dread you already had was much more prominent than before, and now Auston was feeling something similar as well.

You both apologized to his parents for them finding out about the new baby the way that they did, but Brian quickly shut that down by telling you and Auston that it didn't matter how they found out. All that mattered was that you were ok, and so was the baby.

Neither of you could argue with that, and soon after, the four of you agreed it was time to go home and headed to the car.

When you all got back to the house, you were surprised to learn that Mia was asleep. It was close to an hour before her usual bedtime, but after you and Auston walked through the front and entered the living room, you found her passed out while laying against Alex on the couch.

"She just fell asleep," Auston's older sister spoke quietly as she greeted you both with a small smile and started gently rubbing Mia's head. "She was so exhausted. I didn't have the heart even to try to keep her awake."

"No, it's ok. Thank you," you replied softly, but before you could say anything else, Bre was bursting into the room and pulling you into a hug.

"Oh, my god, Y/N," she said as you hugged her back, then pulled away to look at you again. "How are you feeling? Are you alright?"

"Better now that I'm home with you guys," you told her, then bent down to pet Frank, who was looking up at you excitedly.

As you talked with her, Auston hung both of your coats up in the foyer's closet before coming back into the living room and gently picking up Mia.

Even in her sleeping state, Mia cuddled right up against her dad as he held her against his chest and your heart swelled when he turned back to look at you and Bre.

"I'll go put her to bed," he whispered, trying hard not to wake her up. But, before he walked past you and Bre, he stopped when he saw you looking at Mia. You smiled at him thankfully, because you knew that he stopped so you could kiss Mia goodnight, like you always did.

When you looked at her all snuggled in Auston's arms as she slept, you could feel yourself getting emotional. Immediately, you noticed how her eyes were still a little wet from what you assumed was her crying, which absolutely broke your heart. You hated that with everything you went through that night, Mia also suffered from it and some way. However, as you felt yourself beginning to get worked up over it, you took a deep breath to let yourself calm down, then leaned in to push some of Mia's little curls away from her face and placed a soft peck on her forehead.

"Goodnight, baby girl," you said quietly, then looked to Auston before reaching up to peck his lips too. "I love you."

"And I love you," he responded before kissing you again then glancing at his two sisters. "I'll be right back."

You watched him leave the room, then you and Bre joined Alex on the couch and began properly catching up, seeing as you hadn't been able to do that yet.

The two of them, along with Ema and Brian, were thrilled about the news about you being pregnant, which you knew they would be, but you were still really bummed over how they found out about their new family member. However, no one dwelled on that at all or pressed you about what you were told at the hospital. Instead, you were able to cuddle on the couch with your husband as you watched ELF with his family before eventually calling it a night.

~*~

The following day, Christmas Eve Eve, was rather hectic. But not necessarily in a bad way.

When you woke up, no one else was awake yet. The house was quiet, and there was no sound coming from Mia's room through the monitor. All that could be heard was the small breaths Auston let out as he slept next to you and the groan Frank made as he shifted his position from where he laid at the end of your bed.

Everything was peaceful and felt right. It was exactly what you needed after everything that happened the night before, but that soon changed.

As you waited for a sign of someone else being awake, you reached over to grab your phone from where it rested on your bedside table and opened up Twitter. You were scrolling for all of three seconds before realizing that 'Auston Matthews' was trending.

Curious about what could be trending regarding your husband, you clicked on a thread to see what it was all about. Surprisingly, a lot of it was about you.

It turned out that your trip to the hospital the night before didn't go unnoticed. A handful of tweets said how you and Auston were seen at Toronto Western Hospital, including one saying how the two of you arrived in an ambulance and how you were on a stretcher.

The majority of the tweets were people commenting, wondering what happened, and wishes that everything was ok. But, there were also some downright mean ones. Some people commented on your appearance, saying that you looked awful and how you were lucky to be Canadian; otherwise, Auston would've probably been covering the hospital bill.

Usually, you never paid attention to anything that was being said about you. These people knew nothing about your life and were indeed in no position to be saying anything, which you knew, but reading those things made you feel like shit. And you hated that you were actually letting them get to you.

But, soon enough, someone diverted your attention.

"Baby?" Auston asked, sounding very sleepy as he shifted next to you but still managing to make you jump at the sudden noise. "Everything alright?"

"Oh, uh, yeah," you lied and quickly closed out of the app before moving to face him. "Everything's fine."

"Are you sure? You seem a little flustered."

"Yes, babe, it's nothing to worry about."

"Ok," he responded unsurely, but dropped it as he subtly wrapped his arm around your waist then pulled towards him forcefully.

"Auston!" You gasped as you gripped onto his shoulder with one hand and bicep with the other so you could balance yourself out, but quickly realized he did that so you'd be hovering over him with very little space between the two of you. "Smooth."

"Always," he replied with a smirk, then began placing kisses along your shoulder, collarbone and neck.

He didn't stop until he reached your jawline and was able to see how much what he was doing affected you in the best way possible as your eyes fluttered close and you leaned into his touch. Feeling rather smug with himself, he then put his arm around your waist again and quickly flipped the two of you over so that your back would be on the mattress and he would be on top.

As soon as you looked up at him, he gave you a playful smirk and was about to continue, but then a noise began filling the room.

"Mama?" Mia's voice sounded through the monitor resting on Auston's bedside table as you and him both froze and looked towards the device. Sounds of shuffling and the odd grumble could be heard, making it rather apparent that your daughter was awake, but then she started crying. "Mommy!"

"Shit," you and Auston said at the same time as you both scrambled off the bed then rushed down the hall to Mia's bedroom, even gaining enough of Frank's attention that he followed after the two of you.

Once you pushed open the door to Mia's bedroom, you found her standing up in her crib, sniffling as she cried and tiredly rubbing at her eyes. Without a second thought, you beelined right for her and picked her up, making sure to give her a comforting squeeze as she immediately clung to you.

"It's ok, sweetheart. I'm here," you soothed as you began gently rubbing her back. "Mommy's here."

"Where go, mama?" She asked as she leaned against your shoulder and hugged you closer, then looked to where Auston was standing nearby but said nothing more.

"I just needed to go see a doctor, Mia. But it's ok. I won't leave you again, ok? I promise."

"Ok."

Auston watched the two of you interact and couldn't help but smile. He loved that you and Mia loved so much. Seeing the two most important girls in his life being as lovey and soft as you and Mia were made him feel all types of ways. You both were his entire world, and he was content just seeing a moment like that forever if he could, but then he remembered all that had to be done that day.

"Hey, Mini," he spoke up and reached towards her. "Why don't we go brush our teeth, then go eat breakfast?"

"No, daddy," she stated firmly as he went to take her from your hold, but she held onto you even tighter, instead. "I stay with mommy."

Both you and Auston were shocked by this. It was probably the first time Mia had ever just flat out denied any type of snuggles from her dad, and it was just so strange to see. Without even voicing it, you and Auston gave each other a look as if to say you knew she was giving him the cold shoulder because of what happened the night prior.

It sucked because you knew that your daughter didn't understand what was going on and that she still wouldn't even if you tried to explain it all right then in there. Telling Mia about pregnancy and how she was going to be a big sister soon had to be a gradual thing. So, with one more glance at each other and a slight nod, you and Auston silently agreed to just move on from the subject.

"Why don't we all go brush our teeth, and then I'll make you some pancakes, little miss," you suggested and kissed her head. "We have a long day ahead of us."

And you really did.

After the three of you got ready to go downstairs, Auston's family helped the two of you cook a huge breakfast for you all to eat. It was a great way to start off the day, but soon after, Auston had to leave for practice in preparation for the Leafs game that night.

Once he was gone, you planned to see your doctor, then pick up your family from the airport before you all were supposed to go to the game together. You were really excited, and Mia didn't leave your side for any of it.

Your doctor's appointment ended up being ok. You were told more about your anemia condition based on the doctor's bloodwork done at the hospital during it. Once that was established, your doctor then recommended some iron supplements for you to take with your prenatal vitamins and explained how she'd be checking your blood pressure very closely at every appointment from then on.

She also took time to check in with you and how you were doing. Her main question was if you'd been in contact with your therapist at all lately, to which you replied with how you talked to your therapist at least once a month still, but more frequently if you felt the need to. Your doctor was happy to hear that. She was the one that recommended you to your therapist almost ten years ago when you were a teenager, after all. You first met your therapist when you were seventeen and had been going to her ever since.

Then your doctor went on to tell you how she hoped you continued going to therapy, especially if everything going on with your pregnancy or just life, in general, was too much. You promised her that you would, and your appointment concluded soon after.

Having a conversation like that usually would make you uncomfortable. But since it was your doctor, the one you'd been going to since you were a kid, it made it all a lot easier. Having Mia and Ema there for moral support helped, too, especially with Auston being at practice.

Once you were done there, it was time to head to the airport and finally see your family.

Since the summer of 2017, when you and Auston had been dating for about six months, you've been the only one of your family that still lived in the Greater Toronto Area, and even then, you were only there during hockey season and a little bit at the end of offseason. You and your family loved Toronto. You always have.

Growing up, you lived in a small town on the outskirts of the GTA, then moved to downtown Toronto in 2015 when you were 18 and starting school at UofT. A year later, your younger sister Mya moved to Vancouver to begin school at UBC, then a year after that, Nate, the baby of the family, regardless of him only being two years younger than you, moved to Montreal. As your brother was in the process of moving, a job opportunity came up for your dad in B.C. and soon after, he was moving out west as well.

However, Ontario has always been home to your family. Every year at Christmas time, your family always finds a way to be together for the holiday season and continue your tradition of going on your annual skiing/snowboarding trip.

Two years prior, while you were still very pregnant with Mia, you all went to Mont-Tremblant in Quebec. The year after, during Mia's first Christmas season, everyone was in Vancouver for a few days, but now it was time for your family to be back home again, and you were so ready.

Although you kept in constant contact with your family when you weren't with them, it wasn't even comparable to how you felt when you were all together, so to say you were excited as you drove to the airport to pick them up would've been an understatement.

After your doctor's appointment, you took Ema back to the house just as Auston was getting home from practice, then headed to the airport with Mia to see your family.

You were holding Mia as you waited at the gates, telling her how her grandpa, auntie Mya and uncle Nate would all be there very soon and couldn't keep the tears from welling in your eyes when you saw them walking through the gate with their luggage. Mia started squirming in your hold excitedly, and for the first time that day, she bolted away from you as soon as you set her down and beelined towards your dad.

"Pa!"

"Ah, there's my girl!" He greeted as he let go of his suitcase, then leaned down to pick Mia up. "How are you, Miss Amelia?"

"Good," Mia replied with a smile, then hugged him tightly. "Christmas!"

"Yes, Merry Christmas!"

"Uh, excuse me, what are you still doing over there?" Mya said to you and held her arms open so the two of you could hug. "Hey, babe. Missed you."

"I missed you more," you told your little sister as you squeezed her, then pulled back to see Nate looking at you expectantly.

"Ehm," he cleared his throat and opened his arms too. "Are you forgetting about your favourite brother?"

"You're saying that like I have many choices in the matter," you told him with a pointed look, then moved away from Mya to go hug your brother too. "Missed you too, kid."

"Tee!" Mia then squealed as she reached towards Mya and Nate shortly after.

"Mia!" They exclaimed excitedly as they took her from your dad's hold, then you were able to hug him too.

"Hi, Dad," you smiled as he held you close for a minute.

"Hi, sport. How're you feeling?" He asked, making you smile hearing the nickname he's called you for as long as you could remember, but then gave him a knowing look.

"Auston told you, didn't he?"

"He called me while you were in the ambulance last night," your dad replied, then glanced at Mya and Nate as they started bickering over who was going to hold Mia and lowered his voice. "Congratulations, kiddo. Auston also filled me in on what the doctor said. I want you to know that we're all going to be here to help out if you need it, especially with Mia. Those two still don't know. I haven't said anything either. I figured you wanted to tell them about Mia's little sibling your own way."

"I do," you told him. "I wanted to tell you and Auston's family differently too, but I'm glad Aus called you when everything happened. I want to tell Mya and Nate tomorrow when we're with Mitchy and Steph too for Christmas."

"Fair enough, I'm sure they'll give you shit."

"I'd expect nothing less."

You then drove your family to where they'd be staying for the next two days. Usually, they'd stay at your house. Even with Auston's family, there was still room for the three of them, but this year, they stayed with Alice, your dad's girlfriend. You have adored Alice since you met her during your first Christmas with Auston as boyfriend and girlfriend back in 2017. Sadly, your mom passed away when you were thirteen, and it took years for your dad even to begin putting himself out there again in the dating pool. He always stressed to you, Mya and Nate that no one could ever replace your mother, which the three of you knew. Still, you all also understood that he was lonely and with the fact that he had given the three of you the world, the least you owed him was to not get in the way of him possibly finding happiness again.

Even with that, it took seven years after your mother's passing for him to find someone even worth considering bringing around his kids. However, Alice was amazing. You and your siblings have loved her since you met her, and now six years later are all still very glad to have her in your lives.

Your dad and Alice began their relationship shortly after he moved to Vancouver. They had worked together in Toronto a couple of years earlier until she moved to B.C., and they just so happened to cross paths again. However, Alice's family still lives in the GTA but vacation in Florida every winter.

This year, for a Christmas gift, you, Auston, Mya, Mya's boyfriend Seth, Nate and his girlfriend Sydney all pitched in so your dad and Alice could go to Florida for a few weeks and visit with her family a bit while they were there. The six of you told them what their gift was early, so they were prepared, seeing as the flight was booked for Christmas Day, and then your dad and Alice ended up booking a little beach house to stay in during those three weeks that had three extra rooms. Unfortunately, Seth and Sydney were unable to join, and the plan was for you and Mia to go for a week as well, but you decided against it because of how poorly you'd been feeling and lied, saying it was because you were swarmed with work.

Your dad understood and now gets it even more since he knows of your pregnancy, but Mya and Nate thought you were full of shit.

However, the timing was still perfect.

Alice arrived in Toronto the night before and was staying at her relatives' vacant home, which had more than enough room for your dad, Mya and Nate to stay at as well. The four of them were joining you, Mia, Auston's family and Steph in a box you booked at SBA to watch the game that night. The next day, everyone, including Mitch, Steph, and your cousin Chris, trekked up to Collingwood to stay at Blue Mountain Village and continue your family's snowboarding tradition during the holidays. Even Auston's family was joining, and you were so excited to have the most important people in your life around this Christmas. Late on Christmas Day, your dad, Alice, Nate and Mya were all to catch a late flight to Tampa and begin their vacation.

You were pretty excited about it all but more so happy to share your news about the new little babe you were growing with the loved ones who didn't find out because you fainted.

After a brief visit with Alice, you told your family you'd see them at the game, then you and Mia headed back home again. Auston was there once you arrived, and it wasn't long until he and Mia were having a quick nap on the couch together while Alex and Bre took Frank for a walk, and you chatted with Brian and Ema in the kitchen.

The rest of the afternoon was pretty chill, but soon enough, Auston had to leave to get to the arena, and the rest of you had to start getting ready to go there as well.

Before you went to the arena, you got yourself and Mia all dressed up in your matching Matthews jerseys and Maple Leafs Santa hats before you joined everyone else downstairs and headed out. But not without getting a few pictures taken in front of your massive Christmas tree first.

Your evening at the Leafs game was nothing short of amazing, even though you most definitely felt a little tired.

You loved every moment of being able to cheer on your man and the other guys with both your family and Auston's together. The fact that they all got along meant the absolute world to you, too, and your time at the game was just really enjoyable. Steph came and watched the game with all of you. Still, the two of you dipped for a few minutes during the third period because other wives and girlfriends of players who were also present at the game wanted to get one last group picture before the New Year—seeing as everyone got pretty messy at the girl's Christmas party a couple of weeks earlier. You were sober for that, and even you still looked like a hot mess.

After the game, you all waited for Auston and Mitch before heading home. The guys you saw as they walked by were all in good moods after the win they'd just got, but all stopped and made sure to say hi to you, Mia and Steph as they passed.

A couple of minutes later, Auston and Mitch entered the hallway at the same time and lit right up when they saw everyone. But then you observed as Mitchy glanced at Auston briefly then started racing towards where you stoop with Mia.

"Hi, Meems!" Your cousin said excitedly as he picked his goddaughter up and made her start giggling like crazy as she hugged him. He then smiled at you and gave Steph a quick peck before turning to face your dad, Mya and Nate and greeted them excitedly, still holding onto Mia.

"Why must everyone just steal our daughter before I even get the chance to see her?" Auston grumbled teasingly as he came up beside you and smoothly wrapped his arm around your waist to pull you in for a kiss, then leaned down to smirk at you. "Hi."

"Hi, yourself," you smiled back, then leaned against him. "To be fair, Mitch was just faster than you there."

"I can honestly say I wasn't expecting him to break out into a sprint just to get to her first."

"Would you expect anything less, though?" Steph asked with a chuckle from where she stood beside you, then resumed her conversation with Alex.

"Valid point," Auston said with a nod, then kissed your head before moving away and walking towards your family. "Time to visit my favourite in-laws."

You felt as though your heart could burst watching him interact with your family, even feeling yourself getting a little teary-eyed as you observed them. Sure, it was more than likely the pregnancy hormones, but you were also just so freaking happy. Moments like this made you forget about everything else going on, and you loved it.

It seemed that Ema noticed this too because a few short moments later, she was standing next to you, nudging your shoulder with hers and smiling before pulling you in for a little side hug.

Shortly after that, everyone grouped together to discuss the plans for Christmas Eve and then soon called it a night. You hugged Mitch, Steph and your family goodbye, telling them you'd see them tomorrow at Blue Mountain before heading to the parking lot with Auston, Mia and his family, still smiling because everything just felt right. And you really needed that.

~*~

Everyone was awake early in the Matthews house the following day, full of excitement for Christmas Eve and for what the day's events entailed before embarking on the almost two-hour drive to the ski resort.

You, Mia, Auston and his family were the first ones to arrive at Blue Mountain out of the entire group and immediately started getting settled into your accommodations. Your little family of three had a room to yourselves, with Alex and Bre in the room across the hall and Auston's parents in the one next door on the left. The room next door on the right was going to be where Mitch, Steph and Chris stayed and had a conjoining door that could be opened up to connect the two rooms. It was pretty obvious those two rooms would be where everyone was hanging out later that evening. But further down the hall were the two rooms your dad and Alice, Nate and Mya would be staying in.

About an hour later was when everyone else began arriving.

Mitch claimed they took forever because when they stopped by his parents' house to drop off Zeus, your aunt Bonnie just wouldn't stop talking. She had to catch up with Nate and Mya right then and there even though she would be seeing them and your dad the next day for Christmas. You understood, though, because when you were talking to her that morning as you dropped off Frank, lucky that she agreed to watch him for the night, the two of you talked for quite a bit, so you could only imagine how badly she wanted to speak with your brother and sister who haven't been back in town for months.

Once everyone was settled, Nate, Mya, Mitch, Chris, and Steph were dead set on getting to the slopes to begin your family's tradition properly, and that's when you started panicking. When you didn't start getting ready right away, they knew something was up, and the fact that you stayed quiet confirmed that even more.

"Y/N, why aren't you getting ready?" Nate asked as he peaked his head through the doorway connecting yours and Mitch's room.

"I, uh, I think I might sit this one out, guys," you replied sheepishly. To be completely honest, you didn't know if it was safe to snowboard while pregnant or not. Sure, you were pretty good at snowboarding and didn't think you'd wipe out, but that didn't mean there still wasn't a chance that you could and end up causing harm to yourself and your baby.

"Excuse me?" Chris said before sticking his head through the doorway too. "The hell do you mean you 'might sit this one out', Y/N?"

"Well, I-."

"It's tradition," Mya cut you off from where she sat on the couch in your's and Auston's room.

"I, I don't know," you responded. "I guess I can go down one hill, but maybe just an intermediate one and no racing."

"That's no fun," Nate groaned dramatically before disappearing out of sight.

"Babe," Auston spoke up from where he stood a couple of feet away, putting on Mia's snow pants and coat. "Are you sure that's a good idea?"

He then gave you a look, silently asking you to reconsider because you knew he'd be stressing out the entire time you were up on that hill.

"I think if I stick to an easy hill, I'll be fine, Aus," you explained to him softly so no one else besides Bre and Alex, who were sitting next to you, would hear. "If I was earlier in my pregnancy, I wouldn't even consider it, but I'm 15 weeks, babe, and not to sound cocky, but I don't think I'm going to wipe out."

"But-."

"I promise I'll only do one. If I didn't feel well enough to do it or was worried, I wouldn't. Ok?"

"Ok," he sighed and nodded in agreement. "But if something happens, babe."

"Try not to think about it like that," you replied and stood up to walk towards him and Mia. "Have a little faith in my skills."

"I do. And I mean, you're definitely better at snowboarding than I am."

"That's because you're my Desert Boy," you told him, then leaned down to peck his lips before he could say anything else, smirking because you knew he hated when you called him that.

"Why do you only want to do an intermediate hill?" Mitch asked as he strolled into the room but stopped briefly to compliment Mia on her puffy pink coat before looking back at you. "Pretty sure last year you said, and I quote, 'it's too easy. Where's the challenge?' Right?"

You didn't know how to respond. There was no way you were just flat out going to say it was because you were pregnant, and you struggled coming up with an excuse. But luckily for you, Bre saved your ass.

"It's because us Arizonians aren't used to this, and Y/N promised she wouldn't show us up," Auston's younger sister spoke up, then winked at you.

"Thank you," you told her quietly.

"Ok, that's fair," Nate replied and came into the room too. "The Canadians have a bit of an advantage here, I guess."

"Speak for yourself," Steph scoffed from the other room. "The only reason I'm no longer afraid of the ski lift is because you all have dragged me on it so many times now."

"You and me both, Steph," Auston piped in, then stood up from his kneeling position in front of Mia. "Wow, Mini, you look great. Are you ready to go on the mountain coaster?"

"Yeah!" Your daughter replied excitedly, then ran into the other room.

"I guess we shouldn't keep her waiting," Alex suggested, to which everyone agreed with, and you all soon made your way outside.

Once the group of you were all dressed for the cold, you went down to the resort lobby and dispersed. The kids made their way to the ski hills while Ema and Brian wandered around the village with your dad and Alice.

As soon as you arrived at the foot of the hill with all of your gear, Auston asked if you were sure you would be ok doing this, and you assured him that you would be.

You then made your way over to the ski lift and braced yourself for what was to come. Mia stayed at the bottom of the hill with Alex, but not without cheering you and Auston on, of course.

"Go, mommy! Go, daddy!" She called after the two of you and waved with Alex as she watched you go.

You then got on one of the ski lift chairs with Auston and Bre and waited patiently to be taken up to the top. Once you got off the lift and everyone was grouped together, you, Nate, Mya, Mitch and Chris all took your annual hilltop cousin group picture, as well as some others.

There were some nice photos taken of you with your siblings, a couple with Steph, as well as a few with Bre. Nate managed to capture a typical picture of you and Mitch where he was laughing, and you looked like you were ready to throat punch him. But your favourite photo was one that Bre took.

As everyone was figuring out which hill they wanted to go on after this one, you shuffled over to Auston, then wrapped your arms around his waist and leaned against his chest as you waited. He responded by wrapping his arms around your middle too so that he could hold you close. Then he leaned his head on top of yours and looked down towards the bottom of the hill. Steph then went over to Bre and pointed out the cute little moment happening between you and Auston, and your sister-in-law was quick at snapping a picture so that the moment would be saved forever.

Shortly after that, you all snowboarded down the hill. Mitch and Nate showed off a bit, and Auston tried to but got a little shaky in doing so. You made it to the bottom without issue but didn't want to risk going down again because, realistically, you didn't know what could happen out there and would much rather be safe than sorry.

The rest of them went down different ski trails while you hung out with Mia and let Alex have a turn going up the hill as well. As you and Mia waited, you noticed the rental spot for skis and snowboards, and since there wasn't much else to do, you decided to go rent a tiny snowboard for Mia to see how she would take to the activity.

After you got her all geared up and standing on the board, you started pulling her around.

"Look at you go, Mia, you're a natural," you told her with a smile.

"Look at me, go!" She repeated while giggling as she continued staying firm in her standing position while you pulled the rope attached to the board.

About twenty minutes later, you found a very tiny pile of snow that barely had a slope, but it was still something and gave you an idea.

"Alright, babe, want to try all by yourself?" You asked and looked down at your daughter. She didn't answer you. Instead, she just looked up at you unsurely. "It's going to be ok, sweets. I won't let you fall."

"Ok, mama," she replied hesitantly but did not indicate that she didn't trust you.

You then pulled her up the small snowbank and positioned her at the top where the slope began. Once you were done doing that, you crouched down next to Mia so that the two of you would be face to face.

"Are you ready?" You asked and couldn't help but smile as she lit right up and nodded.

"Yeah!"

"Ok, give me five," you replied and held out your hand, which she quickly smacked her mitten-covered hand against in attempts to give you a high-five. "Full send?"

"Full send, mommy!"

At that, you chuckled, then leaned over to kiss her head before shuffling down the slope. Once you reached where the rope ended, you looked at your daughter again before grabbing it and started tugging slightly.

Once Mia was over the edge of where the slope began, you let go of the rope and let her slide down all on her own. You shuffled down the hill backwards, making sure to be there if she did fall, but she made it to the bottom without issue and was so proud of herself.

"Woah!" She gasped and looked at you, excitedly.

"Good job, baby!" You told her, but loud cheering and hollering sounded from nearby before you could say anything else.

"Shred-it, Mia!" Nate exclaimed, making you look over to see everyone approaching the two of you again, all of them grinning widely.

"Good job, Mini!" Auston beamed as he was the first to reach you, then quickly scooped up Mia and held her close. "And here I thought you might act more Arizonian than Ontarian."

"Well, she was born here," Mitchy argued. "Don't downplay her half-Canadianness."

"She's already better at snowboarding than I am," Alex added in, making everyone laugh.

"Pretty soon, she's going to show all of us up," Chris stated.

Mia couldn't stop smiling while being surrounded by all of her people and hearing their compliments. Shortly after that, Mitchy pulled her back up to the top of the snowbank so she could go down once more, then you all headed back into the resort to warm up and get ready to go find the rest of the family.

A couple of hours later, after the whole group got together for dinner, everyone was gathered in your and Auston's room just hanging out. Your room was pretty big, but with Mitch and Steph's room being connected, it allowed much more space, and no one was cramped.

No one stayed dressed up for this. You all changed into comfy clothes without having the need to impress anyone but still managed to pull off a surprise when yours and Auston's family arrived at your room to find you, him and Mia all dressed in matching Christmas pyjamas.

Everyone then started sipping on some alcoholic beverages, minus you and Mia, of course, and as the night progressed, you started feeling more and more ready to tell the rest of your family that you were pregnant again.

Your siblings, Mitch, Steph and Chris, were all aware that you hadn't been feeling well lately, and they never pressed you about it, even though they didn't know why. They knew that whatever wasn't making you feel well was more than just one thing, but they knew you'd tell them when you were ready to. So, when you expressed that you didn't want to drink that night, none of them gave you a hard time even though Steph had a gut feeling about something.

It eventually got to the point where you just didn't want to wait any longer. You were having so much fun with the people you loved the most and were unable to keep your secret anymore.

You subtly made your way over to where Auston was standing, holding Mia as he talked with Chris in the corner of the room by the Christmas tree, and wasted no time cuddling right up next to him.

"Hi, mommy," Mia greeted, noticing you before anyone else but soon had Auston turning to look over his shoulder, smiling as soon as he saw you.

"Hey, babe," Auston said and welcomed your cuddles.

"Sorry to interrupt," you stated, then looked to your cousin, who also just smiled in return while watching you, Auston and Mia together.

"You didn't interrupt," Chris replied. "But I'll be right back. I'm going to go grab another drink."

Once it was just your little family of three, you looked up to Auston and bit down on your bottom lip while trying to contain the massive grin you could feel forming.

"What's up?" Your husband asked, knowing that you were getting excited about something.

"I want to tell them."

"Right now?"

"Yeah," you answered. "I think I'm ready."

"Then I'm ready, too," he stated, which made you feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

"What are you three over there talking about?" Mya spoke up as she approached the three of you.

With one final glance at Auston, the two of you nodded at each other, then you moved away from him slightly so that you could both face everyone else.

"Well, there's something that we wanted to tell all of you," you told Mya but managed to capture everyone else's attention too.

"Wait!" You heard Mitch yell from the other room, then a moment later, he was bursting through the doorway and letting out a dramatic breath. "Ok, proceed."

You smiled and braced yourself for what was to come.

When it came to announcing your pregnancy with Mia, it was all a little chaotic and nothing was planned well. Which was fine, but you wanted the announcing of this little bean to be more fun and exciting. Unfortunately, that plan was partially ruined when you fainted in front of Auston's family, but you knew they were excited and knew that your family would be just as stoked, which is why you wanted to get creative with how you told them.

Growing up, for the longest time, you didn't really understand pregnancy, seeing as you were so young when your mom was pregnant with both Mya and Nate. You were never able to remember who put that idea in your head, but you used to believe how a woman got pregnant was by eating a watermelon seed, and then a baby grew in their belly because of it. Eventually, you grew out of that and understood what it actually meant to become pregnant, but your family has never let you live it down.

When you showed Mya and Nate your pregnant belly when you were expecting Mia, one of the first things your brother asked was if you ate watermelon, and it's also just something members of your family will always bring up just to tease you about.

You told Auston this story when he was confused by why so many people talked about watermelon as you were pregnant the first time, and he found it absolutely hilarious. His family did, too, so you thought that would be a fun thing to incorporate into announcing this pregnancy.

A couple of weeks prior was when you attempted to tell Mia about how she would be a big sister in a few months. She didn't understand, and both you and Auston knew you'd both have to be gradual and patient when it came to helping her understand what that meant. After you told her, she asked how you were pregnant, and before you could even say anything, Auston told her that you ate watermelon and you wanted to die of embarrassment because you knew that was just something you'd never be able to live down.

"The anticipation is killing me," Steph spoke up, snapping you from your train of thought but also making you grin even wider than before.

"Mini, can you tell everyone what your mommy ate?" Auston asked your daughter as he looked down at her, then pointed to her tummy so that she'd understand what he was referring to.

"Mommy ate watermelon," she said casually, then jumped when a series of excited gasps sounded from around the room.

"SHUT UP!" Nate was the first to say something, making Auston's family and your dad laugh, while everyone else looked at you completely flabbergasted.

"Are you kidding?" Mya asked and stepped even closer. "This isn't some kind of sick joke, is it?"

"It's not," you confirmed, your voice cracking as you let out a small laugh and started crying as your sister engulfed you in a tight hug.

Soon enough, another pair of arms were wrapping around you and Mya, holding you both tightly as they did so. They laid their head right on top of yours with ease, and a deep laugh rippled through their chest. You knew it had to be your brother.

"This is insane. Congratulations, Y/N," Nate said.

"Meems, you're going to be a big sister!" Mitchy told Mia as he took her from Auston's arms so your brother and sister could move on to congratulating him too. Once he had Mia, he looked at you and shook his head but had the biggest smile as he pulled you in for a hug. "Congrats, twin. Oh, my god."

"I knew something was up!" Steph squealed as she tackled you in a hug next. "Please, I'm so happy for you, babe."

You then received a hug from both Chris and Alice after that, who were extremely happy for you and Auston. Shortly after that, Ema ran to her room to bring back bottles of wine for everyone to crack into for a congratulatory toast kind of thing. She made sure to give you a glass of sparkling cider instead as everyone cheered on your growing family, making you even more emotional as you leaned into Auston's chest as a way to hide the fact that you were bawling your eyes out.

Later that night, after everyone had wandered off to bed, you and Auston were still awake wrapping the Christmas gifts you brought to give to your loved ones in the morning. Mia was passed out on her little travel bed on the other side of the room next to yours and Auston's bed, while the two of you were all giggly and teasing with each other as you attempted to get everything done.

Auston was a little buzzed from the alcohol he consumed earlier, and even though you were sober, you just fed off his energy, and the two of you were just having a lot of fun.

"Would you quiet down?" You whispered after he made a particularly cheeky but loud comment. "You're going to wake Mia up."

"It's Christmas, babe," he replied as he stuck his tongue out at you. "Loosen up a bit."

You rolled your eyes at him but still smiled as he leaned over to change the song that was softly playing from his phone nearby. Whenever Mia was going to sleep, she always preferred to listen to music as she did. So, you and Auston made a little playlist she listens to fall asleep to every night that's made up of very soft and soothing music and songs that you both love.

Even after Mia fell asleep, the two of you left the music on so it would somewhat cover up your voices as you did your wrapping. It just all very much so fit the vibe of the two of you still in your matching pj's talking with each other as you sat on the ground next to the Christmas tree seeing as that was the only light source you could use in the room without waking up your daughter.

The intro notes of Lover by Taylor Swift started playing next, and Auston let out a pleased sigh as he looked back at you.

"Ah, Miss Swift," he said, then gave you a look.

"What?" You asked and narrowed your gaze at him.

"Can I not just admire my beautiful wife?"

"You can, but I know the look you're giving me. It's the one you give when you want something. So, what is it?"

"You know me well," he told you then smirked, before extending a hand towards you. "Dance with me."

At that, you chuckled a little bit, but then Auston stood up and kept his hand extended as he looked at you expectantly.

"Wait, are you serious?" You asked, surprised.

"Why wouldn't I be?"

You didn't know how to respond. You were so caught off guard but soon found yourself slowly reaching for his hand and letting him help you stand back up. Once you were upright, you then let him pull you in close and rested your head on his chest as the two of you began swaying to the music.

As you did this, you couldn't help but think about dancing with him like this at your wedding that happened a year and a half prior. That was one of the happiest days of your life. Dancing with him at that moment next to the Christmas Tree made you feel like that all over again, and you soon found yourself snuggling closer to him as he began humming along to the lyrics.

No words were exchanged. There was no need for them to be. The two of you were in your own little world and just wanted to stay there for a while longer. Even as Lover faded out and Ed Sheeran's Perfect began playing next, the two of you stayed holding onto each other and continued swaying as the night seemingly faded around you both.

~*~

Christmas Day morning, although kind of chaotic, was everything you could've hoped it'd be.

You, Auston and Mia, had a very soft morning that was just the three of you before everyone piled into your room again and kicked off the day's events. Your entire family all got breakfast together, then went back to the rooms to exchange gifts but had to check out of the resort and head back to Toronto soon after.

That evening, you drove Nate, Mya, your dad and Alice to the airport, then went back home to have Christmas dinner with Auston's family. It was a very chill way to conclude the holiday, and you loved every minute of it.

A few days later, Auston's family flew home to Arizona, hockey started up again, and things just started feeling weird to you.

You would've been lying if you said you didn't experience a bit of post-holiday depression. Going from a full house of people and having all your loved ones together to having the house basically empty besides you, Mia and Frank hit really hard. The Leafs' schedule after Christmas sucked and had Auston constantly coming and going, which also didn't help because it was brief when he was home.  

It was like you were coming down from a really good high, but instead of things eventually feeling normal again, they just gradually got worse without you even realizing it. And on top of it all, you just felt so tired and weak all the damn time, finally noticing how badly your anemia absolutely kicked your ass and would continue to do so for the months to come.

However, as soon as you acknowledged how down you were feeling mentally, you booked an appointment with your therapist. Gradually got in the routine of talking to them at least once a week again. But even in doing that, you never discussed how you were feeling with anyone else and were unintentionally pushing them away.

Your loved ones noticed, though. It was very easy for them too. But, there wasn't much they could do to help if you didn't let them.

During those weeks after Christmas, Mia barely left your side because she knew you weren't feeling well, and neither did Frank. Mitch and Steph were able to pick up on something bothering you, too, because you distanced yourself from them. They knew about you having anemia and how that definitely affected you a lot, also that you were just bummed, but you wouldn't let them even try to help you. Steph tried to invite you over for days the two of you could just chill together with Mia, Frank and Zeus while the guys were away and was even ok going to your house instead, but you never gave her a straight answer. So, nothing came of it, and she and Mitch started genuinely getting worried about you.

They weren't the only ones who realized you weren't feeling like yourself either.

When you Facetimed your dad, Alice, Nate and Mya while they were in Florida, they could easily tell you weren't doing good and just wished they could be there to help. Auston's family was able to tell too, and it even got to the point where Ema was about to fly back to Toronto but didn't because she knew if that wasn't something you wanted to happen, it wouldn't help the situation.

Naturally, it was Auston who noticed just how much changed with you after the holidays. He saw it first hand when he was home and could hear it in your voice during your calls while he was away. However, you just never expressed what was bothering you, and other than the obvious things that triggered this, not even you were sure why you felt as gross as you did.

Unfortunately, this took somewhat of a toll on your's and Auston's relationship. You didn't realize you were pushing him away, and he couldn't help but blame himself for it. He wished he could be home all the time, and so did you, but that just wasn't possible, and it was the first time that a form of mental and emotional distance between the two of you added to the physical distance that was already there and it just made everything so much harder.

Miscommunication between you and Auston occurred more during these few weeks than it ever had throughout your entire relationship. How both of you felt just wasn't addressed because neither of you knew how to approach the topic and were utterly oblivious to how bad it truly was.

Both of you hated it so much. But then, around the middle of January, about two weeks before Mia's second birthday, there was a slight shift, and things briefly started looking up.

You were happy and more energetic all of a sudden, and for a few days straight, you just seemed so much like yourself again. There was a day that you and Mia grabbed lunch with Steph then hung out for the remainder of the day for the first time in almost a month. Your dad, Alice and Nate were due to fly back to Toronto in the upcoming days and stay for a night before going home themselves, so you were excited to see them even though Mya was already back in B.C. And even with Auston, you were gradually coming out of that wall you unintentionally built around yourself and letting him back in as well.

Although not every day was perfect, things seemed better. Little did anyone know they were about to go to complete shit and how easily it could've all been avoided too.

During a couple of days where Auston was home, he decided to plan something special for you. The weird scheduling of him seemingly being on the road more than he was at home was coming to an end just in time for Mia's birthday, and he couldn't wait. He was so excited to have longer stretches at home. Even though he'd still have to come and go, it wasn't going to seem as bad as it had been previously. And the best part was that he'd get just to be there and spend time with you and Mia.

To kick that off, on the 15th, exactly ten days before Mia's birthday, he booked a reservation for the two of you to grab dinner at one of your favourite restaurants downtown.

You weren't feeling 100% that day, but after Auston proposed the idea, explained what restaurant the two of you would be going to, and how he'd already arranged for Steph to watch Mia that night, you got pretty excited about it.

The thought of having a nice evening with your husband sounded so good to you. After how shitty January had been so far, you felt that you really needed this one on one time with him and could tell that he felt the same.

There wasn't a Leafs game that day, but Auston did have practice and some media stuff he had to do before meeting you for dinner. It was a long and hectic day, to say the least, and it ended up being way longer than he was expecting, but he eventually finished what he needed to do and couldn't wait to get home and see his girls.

However, when he got home, you weren't there. But Steph was.

"Hey, Steph," Auston greeted as he walked through the front door and looked at her curiously. He was lucky, though, because Mia was very focused on the show Steph had put on for her and didn't even notice him. But before he could make his presence known to her, Steph told Mia she'd be back in a second, then rushed into the foyer.

"What are you doing here?" She asked, looking at him as if he'd grown a second head.

"Uh, this is my house?" He chuckled in response.

"I'm aware of that, but weren't you supposed to be downtown getting dinner with Y/N an hour ago?"

Auston froze and went completely pale at that.

"Oh, fuck," he said and immediately started putting his coat back on. "Oh, my god. I completely forgot about the reservation. Fuck!"

Without saying another word, he booked it out of the house and back to his car, but Steph understood and just hoped that this wouldn't become a whole thing, even though she had a feeling it definitely wasn't going to end up good.

Auston tried calling you as he drove back downtown and got more frustrated with himself when you weren't answering. About twenty minutes later, he parked the car and rushed to the restaurant. However, when he went to go inside, you walked out.

You looked surprised to see him, but that quickly changed to a look of hurt and disappointment, which didn't go unnoticed by your husband.

"Y/N, I am so sorry," Auston tried to explain while taking in how dressed up you were. You looked stunning in the dress you decided to wear that night, and it made him feel even worse about how badly he fucked up. "I got so caught up with everything today, and I know that's no excuse, but please know how sorry I am. We can go back in there. I'm sure they'll still take us."

"I already ate," you told him, then glanced away. It was then he noticed how glossy your eyes were with unshed tears and could feel his heart shatter. "I just want to go home."

"But, baby-."

"Please, Auston. I'm embarrassed enough as it is."

He didn't know what he could say to that, so with a nod and another apology, the two of you walked to his car and headed home.

The original plan was for Steph to drop you off at the restaurant to meet Auston, then the two of you would drive home together afterwards. That's exactly what happened. But the entire drive home was so painfully silent, and Auston knew it was all his fault.

"Babe, you don't understand how sorry I truly am," he eventually spoke up, which had you shifting awkwardly in your seat before responding.

"I understand. But please, let's just drop it."

You didn't leave much room for argument as you mindlessly started rubbing your 18-week pregnant belly and moved to look out the window, so Auston didn't bother fighting you on it and continued the drive home in silence.

Steph could sense the tension when the two of you walked into the house but knew it wasn't her place to ask about it. So, she gave Mia a quick hug goodbye, then told you and Auston to have a good night as you both thanked her for watching Mia, then made her way home for the night.

There weren't many words exchanged between the two of you as you put Mia to bed and got ready to sleep yourselves. Although you still cuddled up against Auston as you began falling asleep, just like you did every night, he still knew that you were so upset with him. However, the issue wasn't resolved or addressed, and the two of you soon fell asleep for the night.

The next morning, Auston had to be up early to catch a flight out of Pearson with the team to go to New Jersey for a game against the Devils that night. He was due to be back home in three days after a game against the Capitals the following day, and then was going to be home for four days before having to go to Montreal.

You didn't express that you were still upset with him as he got ready to leave, but he knew you were still hurt. As he was about to walk out the door, you still wished him luck with his games and told him that you loved him, because even though you were upset, that didn't change the love you always had for your husband.

But, Auston was already overthinking the entire situation and had begun planning a way he could make it up to you again as both you and Mia kissed him goodbye. That night after the game against the Devils was when he decided he'd fly home the following night after the game against Washington to surprise you, rather than going back to Toronto a day later with the rest of the team.

However, the day he was planning on flying home, you called him to explain how Mia wasn't feeling good.

You were pretty sure she was getting an ear infection, and she was just so fussy because of how uncomfortable and in pain she was. It broke your heart seeing her like that, and you just really needed to tell Auston about it, hoping he'd remind you that everything was going to be ok and of course, he did.

During that conversation, he managed not to bring up the fact that he was coming home that night but said to call him still if you needed anything or if Mia got worse.

Unfortunately, Mia did get worse, and it was too overwhelming for you.

When Auston was playing hockey that night, you got to the point where you were about to have an absolute breakdown because it was all too much. Your doctor was closed, and Mia didn't even consider the idea of going to the hospital, getting even fussier whenever you mentioned it. You couldn't call Auston and were about to call Steph because, on top of everything, you felt like trash too. Although you really didn't want to inconvenience anyone, you knew that you needed help and couldn't do this independently.

But, before you called Steph, you remembered that your dad and Nate were in town with Alice for the next two nights before they flew back to Vancouver and Montreal. You weren't even sure if they'd landed in Pearson yet, but without thinking about it any longer, you brought up Alice's contact in your phone as you held Mia with your other arm and hit the call button.

"Hello?" Alice greeted you with her usual cheery voice, which made you let out a loud sigh of relief.

"Alice, are you guys back in Toronto yet, by chance?" Your voice cracked as you sniffled, trying to keep it together but simply unable to.

"Oh, honey, is everything alright? We're in an Uber right now, about ten minutes away from my cousin's house."

"Would you mind if I came over? Auston isn't here, Mia is sick, and I need help. I don't know what to do anymore."

"You do not even need to ask, sweetheart," she replied softly. "But take a few deep breaths for me, ok? I know it's tough, but it's going to be alright. You go pack a bag for you and Mia, then get her and Frank loaded into the car and come over. Ok?"

"Ok," you responded, taking a deep breath as you did so. "Thank you, Alice. We'll be there real soon."

After you hung up the phone, you continued taking deep breaths so you could calm yourself down. You then looked down at Mia as she leaned against your shoulder, fighting to stay awake, and could tell that she felt probably as gross as you did.

"I'm sorry you're not feeling good, sweet girl," you told her softly, then brushed some of her curls away from her face. "We're going to stay with Pa, Alice and Uncle Nate for the night, ok? We're going to get you feeling better very soon."

"Ok, mama," she replied, then held onto you a little tighter as you started packing a bag for the two of you, then got both of you all bundled up to leave the house for the night.

As soon as Auston's game was over, he called you to check in with how Mia was doing, but the call went straight to voicemail. After a few more attempts to contact you and the same outcome, he started getting worried. He texted his mom, Steph and even a couple of the other Leafs girlfriends that he knew you were pretty close with to see if anyone had heard from you, which none of them had.

Not being able to keep himself from getting a little anxious, Auston still went to the airport and got on the conveniently short flight back to Toronto, hoping that everything would be fine once he got there.

As soon as he landed, he called you again, and there was still no answer. Yes, he knew that you were still mad at him, but he didn't think you were angry enough just to ignore him entirely and seemingly fall off the grid, especially after telling him that Mia was sick.

He started getting frustrated and sent a quick text to Nate to see if he'd heard from you, but never got a reply back. So, he ordered an Uber to take him home, and when he got there, his heart dropped into the pit of his stomach.

Your car wasn't in the driveway, there wasn't a single light on in the house, and there wasn't a single sign of you, Mia or Frank once he went inside. It was past Mia's bedtime, so it didn't make sense for you not to be home, but surely if you'd taken her to the hospital, you would've told him and not taken Frank. So, he called you again and still wasn't able to get through.

He stressfully pushed his hand through his hair as he called his parents in an attempt to figure out what the hell was going. As he did this, he took his boots off, hung up his coat and went upstairs to your's and his bedroom. When he entered the room, a mix of your and Mia's clothes was strewn all over the place. It looked that you left in a hurry and only grabbed what you could, but Auston couldn't figure out why.

While on the phone with his parents, he expressed what he saw to them and felt himself getting more and more upset. Ema tried to keep him level minded, but he was already too worked up for her to be successful in doing that.

"Mom, I think she left," he finally stated, acknowledging the worst-case scenario that had been eating away at his mind since the moment he entered the house. Ema was confused by what he meant when saying that because she was already well aware that you weren't there, but then Auston elaborated on what he was thinking. "Me, mom. I think she left me."

[jobrookekarev]

Baby’s and Mom’s First Day

Chapter: 1/1

Words: 3897

Summary: It’s Jo and Alex’s first day back from maternity leave at Grey Sloan, but Jo has a hard time leaving Helena in the daycare.

Fandom: Grey’s Anatomy.

Relationship: Alex Karev/Jo Wilson.

Characters: Alex Karev, Jo Wilson Karev, Helena Karev.

Rating: General Audiences.

Additional Tags: Fluff, Light Angst, Comfort, Daycare, Fluff and Angst, Separation Anxiety, Jo’s Abandonment Issues.

Read at AO3

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AN: I wrote this one day after being in the nursery to help out. I got to spend time with a baby girl who spent her first day there. I know her two older siblings, and I know the family and was excited to meet her, but she was not happy to be there. Luckily, she didn't scream the entire time, but she did pretty much fussed for the first half-hour. Then I got her distracted with a musical toy enough so that she calmed down and chewed on a car for the rest of the time. Luckily for her, fussy and crying babies don't freak me out at all, but the separation anxiety is still hard because I know they don't trust me yet. I just started thinking about how Jo would have a hard time if it were her kid, due to her abandonment with her birth mom, but that Alex would be there and would help her through it and so this idea popped into my head, and I just had to write it.

……………………………………………………………………

It was Alex and Jo's first day back at work after four wonderful months of leave with their new baby, Helena. Things were finally getting back to normal as the Pandemic had officially ended, and regular surgery schedules were resuming at the hospital. It was Alex’s first day being away from his girls for more than an hour and he missed them a lot. So the first chance he got to take a lunch break, he went straight down to the daycare center. His intention was to pick up Helena and pop up over to the OB floor and grab Jo for lunch. 

However, when he got to the daycare, the lead teacher, Sonia, informed him that Jo had come in with Helena and stayed with her for an hour. They had planned for Jo to get her used to the daycare and to Sonia and then leave. However, Sonia said that the first time Helena had cried, Jo had swooped in and taken her back. Alex sighed and thanked Sonia before he headed back up to the fourth floor. 

He knew that this would be hard for Jo, especially with her abandonment issues and separation anxiety stressing the situation. At first, she didn’t let anyone other than him hold Helena, not even Meredith or Link. They had been working through things in therapy together and it had gotten better over the past few months. Jo had gotten more comfortable with other people holding Helena, but if she cried, it was all over, and Jo needed to have her back. Alex knew that Jo's anxieties about leaving her at daycare would be an ongoing thing, but they had talked that morning, and Jo had said she was ready.

Despite this, Alex still smiled when he saw them on the OB floor together. Jo had Helena wrapped in the moby and was talking with the nurses. He knew she and Carina had a surgery planned for later this afternoon. It was a laparotomy for an endometriosis case she had that would take less than an hour. With Jo busy in surgery, it would be a great opportunity for him to put Helena in the daycare as Jo would be focused on something other than her separation anxiety.

Helena squealed and waved her hands, smiling as she caught sight of Alex. All the nurses smiled at him as they left, and Jo turned and smiled as well, grabbing Helena's hands. “Look, it's Daddy.”

“There are my girls,” Alex said as he leaned in, kissing Helena’s head before greeting Jo with a quick kiss to her lips. “So, no daycare today?”

“No, I thought it'd be better for her to join me on my rounds, and she has charmed all of the nurses so far, isn't that right, baby girl?” Jo said, smiling down at her as Helena reached out with her chubby fingers to grab Jo's chin.

“Jo,” Alex sighed before she cut him off.

“We’re just not ready, okay,” Jo insisted, raising her voice as she folded her arms protectively over Helena. “She cried ceaselessly after I left and I just can't let her cry. I know that it’s good for her to be with other caregivers and to be around other kids, but I’m just not ready to be away from her for a whole day.”

“I was going to say that if you think Helena’s not ready and you need more time off, then maybe we should go home?” Alex said, wrapping his arms around her waist and leading them down the hall to a more private setting. 

Jo bit her lip and looked away from Helena and him. As much as she loved her baby and loved being with her, Jo also missed working, and he knew it. This surgery had been all she could talk about for the last week. 

“I don't want to put her in daycare, but I want to do the surgery this afternoon. I just wish that I could bring her in there with me, as silly as that sounds.”

“It's not silly at all,” Alex said, tilting his head as he rubbed his hand up and down her back. “Why don't you and I get lunch and you can feed her and then I’ll hold her while she naps. Then maybe I will take her to daycare with me and just hang out and see how she does. Then after your surgery, we can trade off for the rest of the day, or if you want to go home, we can go home.”

“What about your patients? I thought you had a surgery today too?” Jo asked as her brows creased together. 

“It got pushed to this evening because the parents fed the kid breakfast,” Alex said with a shrug. Despite their clear instructions, this did occasionally happen, and they had pushed the surgery to the evening.

“Okay,” Jo said with a nod, still not entirely on board with the idea, but at least she looked more relaxed.

They got situated in the cafeteria with lunch. Alex took Helena for a minute as she began to fuss and pulled at Jo’s pink scrub top, squealing when she couldn't get it down. Helena whined and cried as she was eager to nurse and was frustrated with him and his inability to feed her. Jo finally took her back and got her latched on her breast, much to Helena’s delight. As she nursed, her fussing turned into happy little eating grunts that Jo always said he made when he was happy. As they ate lunch, several of the nurses and other doctors came over to say hi and coo at Helena. After Alex burped her, Helena's eyes quickly dropped as she fell asleep in his arms. 

After lunch, they went up to the surgery floor as Jo met with Carian, and they prepped for their laparotomy. Together they walked to the door of the OR’s scrub room. Jo wiped away Helena’s drool from her chin and adjusted the blanket again before pulling back and just staring at her. Jo bit her lip and swayed back and forward as if she was swaying with Helena and her arms. 

“Say it again,” Jo insisted, her eyes glued to Helena. 

“I'm going to hold her while she naps so that she wakes up with me there,” Alex said, going over the plan with Jo again as he watched her continue to sway. “Then we're going to go down to the daycare and play with Scout and if she feels comfortable, I’ll leave, but I'll make sure that she's okay before I do. Then I'll meet you back here after your surgery and we will go down and pick her up from daycare together.”

“Okay,” Jo said, but despite her words, Alex knew she was hesitant about it, and to be honest, so was he. However, he wasn’t worried about how Helena would do in daycare, but rather how Jo would be with her separation anxiety.

“Jo,” Alex said, waiting until she looked up to catch his eye to demonstrate a deep breath. She mirrored his breath, slowly coming down. “Raise the arm of the patient.”

“Raise the arm of the patient,” Jo said, kicking off her shoes and planting both of her feet on the ground before she continued the steps aloud. “Count down to the 4th intercostal space. Prep and drape in a sterile fashion. Inject with lidocaine, make an incision above the rib...”

Alex nodded and they went over the procedure together. As Jo talked, she stopped swaying, and Alex could see her take deeper and more steady breaths as she calmed down. When she finished, Jo paused and nodded. Alex smiled and leaned in to kiss her before she put her shoes back on. 

Jo gave Helena's head one last kiss before she turned around to face the door. Alex saw her shoulders rise again as she took another deep breath and opened the door. Jo turned around and Alex gave her a reassuring smile and a thumbs-up before the door closed. He waited there watching as Jo scrubbed in as she occasionally glanced back at him. After she finished scrubbing, Alex gave her one final wave before she nodded and walked into the OR. Alex took a deep breath as he realized how nervous he was for her before he took a few steps back, taking another deep breath as he finally walked down the hallway. 

Alex took Helena up to the pediatric ward and rounded on a few of his patients, all of whom were intrigued by the baby in Alex's arms. Even the teenagers who always complained about the other screaming babies on the ward were interested to see one that was cute and asleep, but more so to poke fun at Alex for being a dad. 

Alex had one of the nurses texting him from the OR and they told him Carina and Jo's laparotomy surgery was running longer than expected. Helena slept for almost an hour before waking up and promptly spitting up all over him. Alex sighed and changed into a new pair of scrubs before taking Helena down to the nursery.

Sonia welcomed him back, but he didn't check Helena in just yet. Instead, he laid her down next to Scout and played with them for a few minutes. Then he tentatively let Sonia take his place and hold Helena in her lap. Helena kept looking back at him every few minutes to double-check that he was there before returning to her play. Eventually, though, she started to check in with Sonia as well, and it was then that Alex knew he could leave. 

Alex looked up at the clock, he knew Jo would be out within the next few minutes, and if he was going to do this, he had to do it now. He leaned down and placed a kiss on Helena’s head before quietly leaving the daycare. Then he turned around the corner and froze as he heard Helena start to cry and Sonia gently trying to reassure her. Alex knew that she was taken care of, that Sonia was holding her, rocking her, and comforting her, not just letting her cry it out. Alex told himself that he would just wait for a few minutes to see how she would do.

Ask any parent, and they will tell you that the worst part of leaving your kid was hearing them cry as you left. It broke his heart. Alex was good at remaining calm in the face of a crying baby. If you're going to be a Peds surgeon, then you have to get used to crying babies. At a certain point, you learn to remain calm no matter how hard they cry, but that didn't stop him from rubbing a hole in his scrub pants as he sat on a gurney in the hall. Alex rubbed his hands up and down his legs, desperately trying to resist the urge to go in there and comfort her. 

When her cries stopped after the longest minute of his life, he sighed in relief. He tiptoed over to peek through the window to check on her. At first, he didn’t see them, but then he spotted Sonia with Helena in the rocking chair with a book. He watched them for a minute more as they read together until Scout walked over, and Helena smiled as he waved a ring toy in her face. 

Alex tiptoed away, content that Helena was okay, and went back to the OR gallery to watch Jo and her surgery. Jo was in her zone as she commanded the OR. As she finished, she even let the intern finish closing, overseen by Carina, of course. Alex rushed down to meet Jo as she exited the OR. Still wearing her blue scrub cap, Jo's smile fell the second she saw that his arms were empty. 

“Where is she?” Jo asked, instantly panicking.

“She is in the daycare playing with Scout, but she’s not crying, and she’s been there less than an hour,” Alex reassured her, putting two hands on her shoulders and rubbing up and down her arms. 

“She's okay. She’s in the daycare, just like we planned,” Jo said, still swimming with a far-off look in her eyes as she took a few deep breaths. 

“Yes, I kept her with me while she napped, and we went and played with Scout for a little while. Then I left her with Sonia, but before I left, she was happily playing with Scout. She was fine, Jo.” 

“Okay, this is a good thing,” Jo said, nodding, still trying to convince herself of it. 

“It is. It’s good for her socially and developmentally to be around other kids and with other caregivers,” Alex nodded, giving her shoulders a squeeze.

“I still hate it, though,” Jo said, looking like she was going to cry and Alex questioned whether it was the best thing to do.

“Okay, then let’s go pick her up, but before we get her, let’s just look through the window. I want you to see how well she’s doing,” Alex said, putting his arm around Jo’s waist as they started to walk down the hall.

“Okay,” Jo said, slipping out of his arms and taking off to run down the hall. 

Alex ran after her, and he knew that she wouldn’t calm down until she saw Helena. Jo looked like she was going to throw up as they both ran down to the daycare. He thought that it would be better for her if he dropped Helena off. That way, it would be easier for Jo to get used to it if she didn't have to leave Helena herself. However, watching now as she panicked in the elevator, he second guessed himself. Alex wrapped his arm around Jo’s waist as they turned the corner, pulling her back before she entered the daycare in a panic. He held Jo against his chest and pointed at Helena through the window as he saw her laugh from her spot on the carpet. 

“Look.” 

Helena was sitting with Sonia, playing peek-a-boo and laughing every time Sonia dropped the blanket to smile at her. Her full belly laugh rang through the room and it was like music to Alex’s ears. Finally, Jo let out a breath, relaxing back into his arms, and he put his head on her shoulder. They watched their baby laugh for a moment as Jo squeezed his hands.

“She’s laughing,” Jo said with a smile.

“Yeah, she is. She’s happy there,” Alex said, smiling and tilting his head to kiss Jo’s cheek.

“I still need her back though,” Jo said, taking a step forward and pulling Alex with her.

“Okay then, let’s go get her.”

Jo ran forward into the daycare and Helena squealed and smiled as she started bouncing when she saw her mom. Jo leaned down to pick her up and planted a dozen kisses on her cheeks. Helena grabbed onto her hair and giggled as she looked at Jo. As mother and daughter were reunited, they seemed to stare into each other's eyes and have a silent conversation. Alex loved the bond that Jo and Helena had. They seemed to be completely mesmerized with the other at times as if it was just them alone, despite the crowded room around them.

Alex thanked Sonia, who said she did really well, and they enjoyed their time together. Jo only had eyes for Helena though, as Alex wrapped his arms around her as he led her towards the attending’s lounge. They settled down on the couch together and Helena was babbling as Jo talked to her in a back and forth conversation. Alex pulled out a couple of teether toys, and their conversation paused as Helena started chewing on one of the wings of a butterfly shaped toy. 

“It was good that she was in daycare today,” Jo finally said, looking over at him with a solemn nod. 

“Yeah?” Alex asked, looking at Jo, as he hugged her shoulders and he could tell she was still struggling.

“I just don't know if I'm ready to do this. From the moment she was conceived, we’ve never been apart for more than an hour,” Jo said, her voice breaking as she pulled Helena closer. “I don’t want her to think that I’ve left her. My mother left me. One day I cried and she picked me up, and the next, she put me down and she never picked me up again. She never wanted to touch me again.”

“You are not your birth mother, Jo,” Alex said, wrapping his arms around her. “You want to hold our baby. You will always pick Helena back up and you will always come back for her.”

“She doesn't know that!” Jo stressed, looking over at him.

“You’re right. She doesn't know that, at least not yet,” Alex said, remaining calm and using a slow and steady voice. “But she will learn to depend on her new caregivers and know that we will come back for her. We're not abandoning her Jo, she's just learning to trust us more and trust someone else too.”

Helena grabbed at Jo’s scrub top as she laid her head on Jo’s shoulder. Jo closed her eyes and wrapped her arms around Helena, completely enveloping her. “Every time I set her down, I can still feel the weight of her on my chest. I ache for her and I know she aches for me too.” 

Alex nodded, he felt that ache too, and sometimes after Helena fell asleep, he’d just hold her, even if it was late at night. He just couldn’t take the feeling of the emptiness in his arms. At this point, he knew that there was nothing he could say or do that would make Jo feel better about leaving Helena at daycare. All he could do was give her time and if Jo decided that she needed more time, then he would support her. 

“But I did enjoy my surgery this afternoon. It felt so good to practice medicine and talk to other adults and not just spew medical jargon at my child while she drools and spits up on me,” Jo teased Helena and wiped away a spot of drool on her chin with her thumb.

“Well, then maybe we can work something out and do alternative shifts?” Alex said with a shrug. 

“But then we'd never see each other,” Jo whined, looking over at him with a frown.

“So, what do you want to do?” Alex asked, letting out a breath and trying to figure out a way that Jo could have the best of both worlds. Medicine and motherhood. Maybe he should ask Meredith, as she had a good work-life balance. 

Jo looked back at Helena, who looked up at her and smiled before burying her face, mouth first in Jo’s shoulder and chewing on her pink scrub top. “I can't leave her if she cries and I don't know if I'm ready to be away from her for a full twelve-hour shift, but I'm ready to go back to work. I miss work.” 

“So we'll talk to Bailey and Carina get you on a part-time shift and you can see her on all your breaks,” Alex said with a shrug, trying to seem nonchalant and make this easy for her.

Jo nodded and took a deep breath before lifting Helena up and putting her in Alex’s arms. “I can't leave her if she cries. However, if you’re okay with dropping her off at the daycare and making sure she’s okay, then we should do that, and I'll be okay. Then after your shift’s over, we’ll meet you and then we can all go home together.”

“That sounds good and you could always bring her to see me on the Peds floor. I’d never turn down a visit from my girls,” Alex said, as Jo laid her head on his shoulder, and he held Helena as she reached for a toy. “It will get easier.” 

“I know,” Jo said with a sigh. “And I will always pick her back up again.”

“Yeah, you can pick her up until she's a teenager and she’s screaming at you to leave her alone,” Alex said with a laugh that Jo shared, and he was happy to see her smile and laugh with him.

“As long as I'm living, my baby you'll be,” Jo said, leaning down to kiss her head.

Alex smiled as he held his girls. They both giggled at Helena as she swung her toy around, almost taking off Alex’s nose. Jo had both of her hands on Helena’s waist, almost holding her.

“Do you want her back?”

“Yes,” Jo said, already taking her out of his arms.

Alex just laughed, he didn’t mind that Jo held her every waking hour because at night, it was his turn. He could hold her for as long as he wanted. Ever since she was a newborn, he would take on the majority of her night time care so Jo could get some extra rest. He would stay up and just hold her and sing to her, even after she fell asleep in his arms. 

Alex watched as Jo held Helena and talked to her, completely enchanted and in love with a little girl in her arms. Jo tried her hardest to do right by Helena and give her everything she needed and more. 

“She’ll be all right, Jo, because you are an excellent mom and you make me a better Dad. Helena has everything that we didn't as kids. She has a mom who wants to spend every minute with her and a dad who adores her. If she has to be in daycare for a few hours a day, she’s going to be fine. She will be a well adjusted, emotionally stable kid. She’s going to be okay because she has us looking out for her.”

“Yeah?” Jo asked, a little hesitant as she looked up at him.

“Yes,” Alex said for sure with a single nod.

Jo nodded and leaned in to kiss him. “You help me be a good Mom, thank you.”

“You’re the reason I’m a Dad at all and you help me be a good Dad too,” Alex said, leaning his forehead against her head. “We help each other, that's what we're supposed to do. We help each other so that we can help her.”

Jo laughed and pulled back. “Since when did you become so wise and all-knowing.”

“I'm a Dad now. I've got Dad wisdom,” Alex said, tilting his chin up.

“You've also got Dad jokes,” Jo said as she giggled and bounced Helena in her lap. “And they're not even good ones.”

“Excuse you,” Alex said, swatting her shoulder, but she just kept laughing.

Alex loved the sound of her laugh, even if it was at his expense and he pulled her in for a real kiss. He kissed her long enough that Helena started to squawk and demand their attention as she grabbed at their cheeks with chubby hands. They pulled back with another laugh and looked back at their little girl. Helena and Jo were going to be just fine, Alex would make sure of it.

[dramaqueeenamby]

Waves: Wild Hearts

A/N: This is sorta a follow up to Fighter that I’ve had on my computer for months. I have included the ending of that oneshot at the beginning of this one to help refresh memories, but if you want to read Fighter, you can do so here. Yes, there will be a part 2 to this one. 

Warnings: Angst

Words: 2K

-GIF from Google-

TAGS: @babe-im-bi​ @notacamelthatsmywife​ @queenoftheworldisdead​ @tashawar​ @valkryienymph​ @letsshamelessqueen-m​ @lettytheletdown​ @hello-therree​ @toni9​ @kpizzletrash​ @missdforever​ @missyperle​ @mani-lifes​ @koko-michelle @liquorlaughslove​

-----

Previously on Waves

“Now back to the news that broke headlines just last night. Academy Award-Winning Actress Summer Hemsworth was allegedly attacked in her Georgia hotel room last night. Hemsworth suffered two gunshot wounds and reportedly collapsed in the lobby as horrified onlookers called 911 and attempted to stop the bleeding.”

“She was rushed to the local hospital where doctors performed emergency surgery, and as of now, we are hearing reports that she is in stable condition.”

“While details are still unclear, what we do know is that the attacker is now deceased, reportedly at the hands of Summer, who fought him off. In addition, the perpetrator has been identified as Myles Hampton, the same man who stalked and attacked Mrs. Hemsworth almost six years prior.”

“Hampton was sentenced and serving a 15-year sentence which has the world wondering. How did he get out? How was he able to re-traumatize his victim? How--”

“Mommy.”

His son’s voice ripped Christopher from his phone where he was watching the news for reasons even he couldn’t explain. Well, rather, didn’t want to explain.

Elysha glared at her brother, bringing her index finger to her mouth. “Shh. Papa said we gotta be quiet.”

Summer moaned, finally waking up from another nap. They had her on heavy painkillers that made her sleep, much to the chagrin of all four individuals occupying the private hospital room. For the twins, sleep meant she couldn’t talk to them. They needed to hear her voice to know that she was going to be okay.

For Christopher, well, even awake, he still worried.

And for Summer, she just hated to be unconscious as she recognized the concern that it caused her family.

“Did he now?” She whispered, blinking a couple times as she managed to lift her hand, bringing it to Emmett’s cheek. “Well, mama says you don’t have to.”

Both kids responded with a smile, quickly grabbing the sheets on either side of the bed, where they’d remained the entire time.

They wouldn’t leave her side.

“Look, mama,” Elysha chimed as they lifted the papers. “We drew you pictures. Mines is bestest.”

“Nu uh!”

“Uh huh!”

She smiled, ignoring the pain she was still experiencing. It mattered not though. She’d take the pain of survival over the finality of death any day.

“They’re both the bestest,” Summer shared, making both of them grin for a few seconds when she noticed Elysha drop her head. “What’s wrong, baby?”

Elysha took a few seconds, her voice barely above a whisper. “We’re glad you’re okay, mommy.”

“Yeah,” Emmett agreed. “Why’d that mean man try to hurt you, mama?”

Summer closed her eyes. Her pain was no longer a concern. Her priority was the hurt she saw and heard in her children, her beautiful babies prematurely forced to encounter the evils of this world.

“I-”

“Well, it’s about time you woke up, lil’ missy.” Helen spoke with a warm smile as she walked into the room.

Seeing their grandmother raised their spirits just enough to eat away some of Summer’s guilt. Helen walked over and gently felt her daughter’s head. “How you doing, baby?”

Summer, conscious of the watchful set of blue eyes on her, smartly replied. “I’m good, mama.”

Helen nodded. “I see you’re getting some of your color back. Good. You was getting a lil’ pale on me, lil girl.”

Elysha gasped. “Can I have some of mommy’s color, grandma!”

“Me too, grandma!”

The twin’s excitement and naivety made Summer smile. Their uplifted spirits nursed her soul.

“I don’t know about color, but how about you two come with grandma to the cafeteria, and we’ll see what kind of ice cream they have.”

The promise of their favorite dessert quickly dimmed when they realize it meant leaving their mom.

“But-”

“Ya’ll go. Mama has to talk to papa,” Summer referenced Christopher who’d sat silent while allowing the children time to bond with their mother. “Please?”

Emmett groaned but relented. “I’ll bring you ice cream back, mama.” He looked back at Christopher. “You too, papa!”

“I’ll bring you some too, papa!”

Careful kisses on either side of her cheeks preceded the kids finally walking out hand in hand with Helen.

The sound of tiny footsteps repeatedly diminished until they could be heard no more, replaced by heavy-footed strides and the creaking of a chair. Summer closed her eyes at his warm touch, his hand clasped over hers, the other going to her forehead.

He laid his head against her shoulder, Summer angling her own so that she could kiss the top of his head.

She gently tightened her grip on his head. “I’m fine, Christopher.”

“Don’t.” She licked her lips, concern shifting from her kids to her husband. “Don’t give me that shit, Summer. You are not fine.”

“I’m alive, Chris,” she croaked, wanting desperately to stress how grateful she was. “He shot me. Twice. And I’m alive.”

“This never should have fucking happened. If they’d been watching him, he would have never-”

“Hey,” she forced some bass into her voice. “We can’t do that. It happened, and it-it sucks, but-”

“How can you be so calm about this?” He forced out bitterly, finally lifting his head to reveal glazed eyes that burned with fear and rage. “After everything he did, what he tried-”

She attempted the comedic route, something that typically worked for them. “Well, it’s not like this is the first time I’ve almost died.” The dark joke fell through, possibly increasing his irritation. She swallowed. “I-I think-I still don’t know what to think, Chris. I-It’s a lot to process, but I can’t do that right now. Emmett and Elysha are watching us, watching me, and every time I look at them, look at you, I’m reminded of everything I stood to lose, and I’m just-I’m thankful. And the last thing that I want is to further worry the twins…or you.”

He lifted their conjoined hands and gently kissed her fingertips. Summer recognized the gesture as acknowledgment.

“I love you,” she breathed as he moved his mouth to kiss her inner forearm. “So much.”

He brought his hand to her cheek, their eyes meeting with a burning and moving meeting that conferred the ardent love between them but was now tinged with a new emotion.

Fear

Wild Hearts

“Just a few more seconds. Come on, Summer.”

Face scrunched up in discomfort, the actress swallowed her pain and scraped for every bit of resilience that she had left, successfully completing the set before relaxing as soon as her therapist gave her the okay.

Dropping onto the floor, Summer crossed her wrists and placed them over her head. Deep, relaxing breaths abated her nerves and aching muscles as Rene attempted to offer words of encouragement and praise that Summer was only halfheartedly listening to.

It wasn’t that Rene was bad at her job. No, far from it. She was a wonderful physical therapist who pushed Summer in ways that were both challenging while also welcoming. It was that Summer still hadn’t come to accept that she was back at square one. She felt like she was preparing to become Storm all over again. Relearning suddenly replaced years of maintenance. Her schedule had been disrupted, and it created cognitive dissonance.

Hand unconsciously falling onto her core, her fingers slid over the dark scar that still bled with remnants of trauma and regrets. One of two, it was the most prominent and noticeable. Folks rarely paid attention to feet, but the stomach, it was the area that generally garnered a decent amount attention based solely on the level of flatness.

Rene noticed the way Summer’s fingers stroked her slick skin and cleared her throat. “Why don’t we call it a day?”

“The day has been called, ma’am.”

The ginger grinned crookedly and complimented her client. “You did great today.”

Summer snorted, groaning quietly as she sat up and braced her palms against the mat. “Now you’re just kissing my ass.”

“While you do have quite the ass,” Summer rolled her eyes. “I’m not quite sure how my wife and your husband would feel about that.”

Summer rolled her eyes as Rene reached a hand to help her stand up. “Noted.” Rolling her shoulders, Summer walked over to grab her pink Blender Bottle, downing down the water mixed with lemons and limes. The typically acrid mixture was welcoming because of the addition of ice cubes that quenched her parched throat, assisting in the cooling down of her warm body.

“I think we could even maybe move down to twice a week instead of three.”

Swallowing a couple more ounces, Summer lowered her cup and wiped at her mouth. “Seriously?”

Rene nodded as she crossed her arms. “I meant it. You’re doing great.” A beat. “Physically.”

And just like that, Summer rolled her eyes and turned her body to start packing up her items. “Here we go again.”

Rene already knew that she was going to be met with apprehension, but that didn’t dissuade her. “I can only help you rehabilitate your body, Summer. But your mind—”

“—is fine.”

Rene stilled, her green eyes softening. “You can say that until you’re blue in the face, but it makes no difference if you don’t really believe it, and I don’t think you do.”

Summer stilled, her back toward the tall woman. A part of her, a very small part of her, wanted to switch things up. She wanted to entertain the conversation, just to see how it would play out, but another part of her knew exactly how it would play out, so she did as she’d done a lot lately.

“So, same time next week?” She spun around, swinging her bag over her shoulder. Before the other woman could offer a response, Summer shot her a wink and walked past her. “Thank, Rene.”

As if on cue, Phillip’s large frame appeared in the doorway, and Summer’s grin fell.

Arms clasped in front of him, he nodded in acknowledgment. “Ready, Mrs. Hemsworth?”

An elongated sigh escaped as she approached him and managed to reignite her previous smile. “I told you, Summer is fine, but yeah, I’m ready.”

A grunted response that she couldn’t really make out proceeded him opening the door for her only to quickly move back in front of her so that he was blocking her view. For a man his size, he was impressively quick on his feet.

A few more doors, elevator ride down, and Summer was met with the blistering Australian heat as a firm hand moved to her backside and escorted her out the building. Out the corner of her eye, she spotted the photographers who snapped away, a few inching close to the star but not enough where they were in arms reach of Phillip.

They weren’t stupid.

Phillip had served as a bodyguard for some of the most important figures across the world, celebrities and royals included. His resume was impeccable, and he was damn good at his job, a job that, while she respected, Summer felt suffocated by at times.

The fact that she even had a full-time bodyguard was something that she still hadn’t swallowed. She’d always been vocal and open about the fact that she loathed the whole “barrier” between celebrities and “regular degular” people. Her occupation, in her option, shouldn’t place her on a pedestal.

Plus, she was far from hopeless, and so a bodyguard was something could never get with unless they were provided by the event she was attending.

But a certain husband of hers was absolutely adamant about hiring the 24/7 protection following the attack, and while Summer understood his reasoning, she still wasn’t in agreement.

Not that it mattered…

The drive was short as the outpatient treatment center was only about twenty minutes away from the Hemsworth residence. Once they reached the mansion, Summer relieved Phillip from his duties. She had no plans on going out again. Christopher was picking up the kids from school. She’d maybe take Doggy out for a walk on the beachfront, but that didn’t require the 6”3 giant’s presence.

Not even three seconds into the door, Christopher was in front of his wife, hands on her hips as he pecked her lips.

“Hey, honey.”

Summer faltered only for a second before chewing on her bottom lip. “Damn, waiting for someone?”

“Always.” He winked and smacked her ass, prompting her to try to push him away.

“I need to shower,” she protested with a small pout as he brushed her comment off and slyly lowered his mouth down to her ear.

“I’ll join you.”

Summer grinned, momentarily contemplating his offer. “Doesn’t that defeat the purpose?”

“We are married, aren’t we?”

“I mean….” She laughed at his scowl and managed to pull away, walking past him to make her way up the steps. “Can you make us—”

Summer stopped and turned around on the second step only to see that was directly in front of her, on the first step.

She lifted a brow. “Sir?”

“What?”

She crossed her arms. “I’m pretty sure that I said n—Christopher!” She squealed as he silenced her by picking her up and throwing her over his shoulder. “Put me down!”

“I am going to put you down,” he responded while continuing their track up the stairs. “On my dick.”

“Christopher!”

————

Summer rolled over on her side and ran her hand over her face, eyes shut as she struggled to catch her breath. Holding onto the pillow, she pulled the blanket up to her neck, depriving her nude body of the chilly air that the AC caused to consume their room.

She smiled softly as her husband kissed her temple. Feeling the bed creak, he peaked and saw him moving out the way as he started to pull on his clothes. Leaning on her back, she grabbed her phone off the nightstand and saw that it was time for him to leave to pick up the twins.

How long were we?

“Phillip will be here in a few minutes—”

Summer frowned. “What?” She sat up, not caring that the sheet fell down, exposing her breast. “Baby, I told him he could go home for the day.”

Christopher stood up, pulling his pants on. “Why would you do that?”

She looked from side to side. “Because I don’t need him? I didn’t plan on going out today.”

“But you knew that I had to go pick up the kids, so you’d be alone.”

Summer closed her eyes. “Christopher….”

The chime of his phone interrupted her as he glanced at the screen to see that Phillip had arrived and entered the house using the key that Chris thought was a good idea to provide him with. “He’s here. I have to get going.”

Summer frowned and leaned back against the headboard. “Okay.”

Looking back over to see that she was still dissatisfied, he walked over and sat on the bed, reaching out to cup her cheek. “Why don’t you come with me?”

Her brows furrowed. “Seriously? Christopher, you’ve already called the man over here.”

“And?” Chris didn’t see a problem. “He’s staying the night—”

“Again?” Summer was no longer so disappointed. She was irritated. “That’s the third damn time this week.”

“Okay?”

Summer scoffed and moved away from him, crossing her arms. “You know, I would appreciate it if you would actually, maybe, communicate with me before you make these decisions.”

“What is there to talk about, Summer?” He watched her move to the other side of the bed as she kicked the blanket off and scurried around to gather her clothes. “You need pro—”

“No, Christopher, what I need is for you to stop treating me like a child!” A beat. “I can take care of myself!”

“Like you did with Myles?”

Summer clutched the shirt in her hand at the same moment Chris closed his eyes. “Fuck, Summer—“

“You can go to hell,” she whispered, yanking her shirt over her head and marching past him, snatching her arm away from him when he reached for her. “Don’t—“ she stopped, eyes closing as she fought the sob in the back of her throat. “—touch me.”

Christopher recognized that tone. It was rare, but when present, he recognized that nothing he could say or do could penetrate the impenetrable exterior that was Summer’s wall.

The slamming of the bathroom door indicated what he already knew. Walking over to the door and placing his ear against it, welcoming it to the quiet sobs of his wife confirmed it.

He’d fucked up.

-----

A/N: So....whose side ya’ll on?

[aperrywilliams]

Something to Say (Spencer Reid)

(Not my gif!)

Masterlist

———————

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Fem!Reader

Main characters: Spencer Reid, Fem!Reader, Diana Reid.

Summary: Spencer and Reader has to deal with bad news and they support each other in the process.

Word Count: 7476.

Warnings: Contains mentions to illnesses, death and grief. Angst the most part, but some of relieve in the end.

A/N: Hello again lovely people. I wanted to write this fic a time ago, wasn't easy, but hope you appreciate it. Again, all the love to my beta @imagining-in-the-margins​ . Please, impressions, comments and any reaction for this one are welcomed. Thanks for reading. Thanks to @emilouu​ for suggesting the nickname for Reid’s daughter.

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That Thursday I was finishing my shower when (Y/N) came into the bathroom. The water was running but I could hear when she opened the door and said my name, trying to get my attention. I closed the faucet and peeked out the curtain.

“The Day Care Center called. There are problems with the water supply and they aren’t going to receive children today. We have to decide what we are going to do. We could take her to my parents' house, but it's still early.” (Y/N) told me with concern.

"Oh. This is… unexpected.” I replied, grabbing a towel and coming out of the receptacle to dry myself. "Wait, isn't today the presentation you have with Prentiss about the BAU on the FBI’s Board?"

“Yes, it’s today at 9:00, exactly. But perhaps Prentiss could go with JJ…” said (Y/N) pondering the options.

"No way. You've prepared yourself a whole week for that. Don't worry, I'll stay with Emi. If a case comes up, I don't think it'll be a problem. I can assist from here.”

"Spencer, are you sure? I don’t want…"

"Of course. Don't worry, I'm staying with Emi today. I’ll come up with some activities to keep her busy.” I said with a smile.

"You’re an angel and I love you, you know that, right?"

"Yep. I know. I love you too". (Y/N) came up and gave me a quick kiss on the lips.

"I'm going to make breakfast while you get dressed and I’m going to wake up our Sleeping Beauty."

Our little Emily Diana was already 3 years old. It felt like it was only yesterday when I took her in my arms for the first time. Now she was a smart and... very active little girl. In my opinion, a good combination between (Y/N) and me. And while my staying with her that day was unplanned, in my head I managed to organize a short list of things we could do together. 

I dressed her after breakfast and a bath, and later we concentrated on solving some animal puzzles that JJ had given Emi for her birthday. Then we took a coloring book and reviewed some letters and numbers. Of course, my daughter already knew all of them and named them without any problems. We had a mid-morning snack and then played, running around the apartment. It was certainly her favorite activity with me - in addition to the stories I read to her before bed. I'm sure I got ridiculous enough running and running away from a 3- year-old girl, but I didn't care.

The next activity was the 'tickle war'. I was lying on the couch and she was struggling against my tickling attack when my cell phone rang. I looked at the clock on the wall and it was close to 12:30. I was sure that it was (Y/N) to remind me Emi should have lunch at 1:00 p.m, so when I picked up the phone, I didn't even notice the caller ID.

"Reid ..." I replied, laughing even in my role as the 'ticklish monster'.

"Dr. Reid. Good afternoon. Addy Moller speaking." I immediately recognized the voice and the name. She was my mom's caretaker in Brookfield.

"Addy, good afternoon. Tell me how I can help you… did something happen with my mom?” My laugh passed and turned into concern.

"I'm sorry but I must say yes. Diana suffered a physical decompensation earlier today and we transferred her to the hospital. She is being monitored and tested, but at the moment everything is quite uncertain. That's why I’m calling you; I think it would be good if you could come…”. I could hear a certain caution in her voice.

"Which hospital?" I was quick to ask.

It was becoming common that my mom suffered decompensations in her physical health, but this was the first time that led her to the hospital and made them call me with that kind of urgency. I felt something in my stomach made me uncomfortable. I had the phone in my hand and was sitting on the edge of the couch. Emi stood on the sofa and clutched at my neck as if she suspected something was wrong.

"Daddy?" she asked as she tried to climb onto my back.

"I’m sorry pumpkin. Daddy was distracted by the phone. We’ll need to stop playing for now. Daddy will make you lunch while he calls mommy, okay?” She nodded. While I handed her one of his books so she could continue coloring, I dialed (Y/N), who quickly answered.

"Baby, hello! So good you called me. I was just going to call you back to remind you Emi’s lunch…” She stopped talking when she heard a sigh on the other side of the line. "Spencer...? Is something wrong?"

"My mom... is in the hospital. They just called me… and they need me to go there… now.” My voice should hardly have been heard on the other side of the phone.

"Oh, baby. Calm down. I'm coming right now”.

***

After a short brief to the team, I ran out to the parking lot. I got in the car and drove as fast as possible without being reckless. Upon arriving at the apartment, Spencer was finishing feeding Emi. Dropping my purse and jacket to the floor, I immediately went to hug him. I could see his eyes were filled with worry and stress. His body tense and his brain somewhere else. He hugged me back, holding me tight.

"I'm here. Tell me, do you want us to go with you? If you don't want Emi to go, we can leave her with my parents. I called them on the way here and they said she can stay with them.” A stifled sob on my shoulder came first before he could speak again.

"I don’t know..."

I knew that his brain was fighting beyond logic. We finally decided Emily would stay with my parents.

The trip started quietly. I could see Spencer staring out the window, phone in hand, as if he was expecting it to ring at any moment. Occasionally I took his hand, and he squeezed it hard before releasing it. Reid, being cautious as always, didn’t want to distract my driving, but his silence was killing me, knowing his brain was working at 1000%.

"Spencer, talk to me. Tell me what's going on in that head of yours. Please, don't leave me out now.” I felt like he was having a hard time swallowing. After another silent moment, he began to speak.

“It's just I always thought I was ready for this moment. But I realized I’m not”. His voice was still, but I could feel the fear in him.

"Baby, you are anticipating an outcome that we don't know will even happen." I said, trying to get him off the ledge in his head.

"Rationally I know there are possibilities. But something beyond the rational tells me exactly what is going to happen, (Y/N), and I'm not ready to let her go.” I could feel how he was trying to hold back the tears.

"I know. But if there is any hope, I think it's only fair that we can hold on to it. Can you do that?”

He nodded and returned his gaze to the window.

***

We got to the hospital and I immediately asked for my mom at the reception desk. I was referred to the 4th floor of Intensive Care, where they told me the treating doctor would explain the details. I took (Y/N)'s hand and went to the elevator. At Intensive Care they told us to wait a few minutes for the doctor to come out to see a patient. There I saw Addy in the waiting room. When she saw me, she came closer.

"Dr. Reid. It’s good you were able to come so fast”. That was her perception. Mine, on the contrary, was that I could never get there fast enough.

"How is she? What are the doctors saying?” I hastened to ask.

"Diana has been dealing with kidney problems for a long time, as you know..." She said trying to contextualize the situation.

"That's correct, I know. That’s the reason we agreed to limit medication last time."

"Indeed. But prolonged exposure throughout her life brings consequences sooner or later. Until now they were manageable, but her body is not working properly anymore. That’s why the doctors want to evaluate possible alternative treatments. But that could also alter her mental state more.”

I was silent. My mother was fighting a battle between her body and her mind now, and nothing I could do or say could help her. "We should wait for the doctor then..." I said, trying to buy time to think and assimilate what I was hearing. Addy nodded. I sat next to (Y/N) to wait. She took my hand, squeezing it every now and then to let me know she was there with me.

My mind took me to the last time that I was in a hospital waiting for news. It was when (Y/N) gave birth to Emily. Although her pregnancy had been relatively uneventful, she had to undergo an emergency c-section. I was nervous, thinking about all the odds associated with the possible outcomes. I thought that my life was about to change dramatically, and I was scared. Although JJ and Prentiss were with me, trying to calm me down, I just couldn't. I remembered my phone ringing at the time. When I saw Addy's name on the identifier, I panicked, thinking something had happened to my mom. Fear that cleared when I heard her voice.

"Mom…?”

"Spencer, honey, I know you're nervous. Your voice gives you away. I also know that my granddaughter is about to be born and you’re surely thinking of all those things that could go wrong. Just stop doing that."

"How do you know (Y/N) is giving birth ...?"

"I just know. I can feel your fear from here... and all the things that are going through your head right now."

"Mom, I don't know how to react. I'm scared, I don't know if I can do it…”

"Honey, I know that. But you need you to focus on the life that is about to see the light. Just let it happen. Don’t overthink it. Feel it and live it.”

"I don't know how to turn off my brain..."

"You can't. But you can make your heart speak louder. Honey, your wife and daughter need you, and you need them. That is all that matters.”

"Dr. Reid?”

A voice saying my name and (Y/N)’s hand squeezing me tight pulled me out of my memory. When I raised my head, I saw the doctor in front of me.

"Doctor... how is my mom?" I asked.

“We have done several tests on Diana and some results are already available. We did a few more tests to be sure. I'm so sorry to have to give you this news Dr. Reid, but Diana is not physically well. She is not reacting to the medication and internal damage will start causing her more problems within the next few hours. We can keep her sedated for as long as necessary, but her condition is unlikely to improve. It is only a matter of hours that her body stops reacting. I'm truly sorry…”

Basically, she was telling me that my mom was dying and I couldn't do anything about it. I felt dizzy. I had a hard time swallowing. I started breathing heavily. I could feel (Y/N) hugging me around my torso and resting her head on my back. It was really happening. Addy, seeing my dismay and my inability to react, began to speak to the doctor.

"Is she conscious? Can we see her?" Addy asked.

“She is sedated for now, but she’ll wake up in a little while. If you want you can be with her in the room.” Replied the doctor.

"Dr. Reid. You should be there…” Addy told me, trying to get me out of my trance.

"Baby. Addy is right. You have to go see her.” Said (Y/N). I couldn't manage to do or say anything; I just nodded, looking for the most coherent words to say.

"Thanks doctor. I'll go. Can I … can I have a moment before?” The doctor and Addy nodded and walked away. I sat on one of the benches with my head buried between my legs and my arms covering my head. (Y/N) hugged me and squeezed tight.

***

It broke my heart to see him shattered like that. I also felt guilty for giving him hope during the trip to the hospital. In 60 minutes everything had turned 180 degrees, and I watched Spencer sink deeper and deeper into anguish and sadness. I would have given anything to not see him like that. I knew there were no words of comfort to ease the powerlessness and pain of that moment, but I needed to let him know that he was not alone; that whatever happened, I was with him, and we could share this burden together.

“Spence. My love, I'm so sorry. I know I have no right to ask you for anything right now, but your mom needs you now. I’ll be with you at all times, for whatever. You know you can count on me…"

"I'm not ready..." He managed to say between sobs.

“Baby, I don’t think we’ll ever be ready for this. But look at me." I tried to pull away the arms that covered his head. "I’m with you. Please, you don't have to carry this alone. Let me be your support, please.” That was how I felt him wrap his arms around my neck and sink his face into my shoulder, crying heartily.

After a few minutes I felt his breathing begin to slowly calm down and the sobs changed to sighs. He raised his head and stared at me with a nod. "Let's go see her". He took my hand and we walked down the hall looking for her room. The reception nurse told us it was 418. We stopped in front of the glass door. From there, Diana could be seen with her eyes closed, connected to machines that monitored her vital signs, as well as her intravenous line in one of her arms.

"Do you want to be alone with her? I can stay here until you tell me." He nodded and kissed me on the forehead, entering the room. I took my phone out of my pocket. Although I still had a lump in my throat, I had to notify the team. They had to know what was going to happen.

***

I approached slowly and saw how her breathing synchronized with the sound of the machines that she was connected to. She was still sedated. I took one of the chairs in the corner of the room and pulled it over to the side of the bed. I sat up and took one of her hands, squeezing it gently. She looked so peaceful. If it weren't for the noise from the machines, I could even imagine that it was a normal day in the sanatorium, and that I was just watching her nap. I didn't know if she could hear me, but I started talking to her, anyway.

"Hi Mom. It's me, Spencer. I came as fast as I could. (Y/N) is here too. She didn't let me drive this far. You know how she is; she worries a lot when she sees me nervous. Yes, I’m nervous. I'm... I'm sad. You know I don't like to see you like this…” Clearly, I received no response. "I’ll be here until you wake up. Don’t worry. Just... rest. We can talk when you wake up... "

A frustrated sigh left my body. Everything seemed so futile to me at the time. Surreal. I looked towards the door and saw (Y/N) on the phone, scratching her forehead and then rubbing her neck. Signs of concern. I couldn't have wished for a better partner in this life; despite all the things we’d faced in our relationship, both before and after we were married, not a day went by that I wasn’t grateful to have her by my side. I remembered when I told my mom. Sure, I had already told her about (Y/N) in my letters, but it wasn't until that moment that I realized what I felt for her was true love.

"You really love her, don’t you? In your letters you always talk about her like a teenager in love.”

"I don’t know. To love I think is... a big thing. But yes, I think so. I love her. It's been like this for a while now…”

"And why didn't you tell her yet?"

"I don’t know. What if she doesn't feel the same way?”

“Honey, of course she won't feel the same. We are talking about another human being. But doesn't mean she can't love you. I think we have talked about this several times. I know you fear rejection and your father is responsible for that. We have not made your life easy, Spencer, but that doesn't mean you should run away from the possibility of being happy.”

"Should I tell her?"

"Certainly, yes. Tell her. Be honest with what you feel and what you want. I’m sure she’ll appreciate it. Honey, life is long and hard. And you deserve to have someone you can share that with. All of it. The good and bad."

It was after that talk that I confessed my love to (Y/N). To my surprise, she laughed, saying that she felt the same way about me for a long time. Thus, we began our relationship. Apparently, I just needed a little "push." The memory made me smile. My mom always had wise words for me. In her way of seeing life, she has helped me build mine; with the good and the bad.

When I got married to (Y/N), we managed to get my mom to be at the ceremony. I couldn't even conceive of the fact she couldn't be there. Although it did mean postponing the date a few times. Logistically it wasn’t a big deal either, we never wanted to have a great ceremony or many guests. Her family and mine, which included my mom and the entire BAU, of course. When the ceremony was over, she approached me to speak to me. Surely my smile and happiness reached to heaven.

“I’m so happy to see you like this. I think it's been years since I've seen you smile like that. Not even when you were little kid. I want you to know that I’m proud of you, of what you have achieved and of the man you have become. Today you have a new mission in your life: to make that woman as happy as she makes you feel now."

"Thanks Mom. Thanks for being with me right now. I really needed you here."

"I know darling. I'm just sorry the fact because of me you had to postpone the date so many times."

"Don´t. Don’t say that. (Y/N) also agreed that and there was no problem with that.”

"Just make her happy, Spencer. Because I already know she makes you happy. Just don't take anything for granted. Build your love day by day. Don't let the routine end up killing the love you feel for each other.”

And of course there was a lot of sense in her words. Four years had passed since our wedding, and it has not been easy. Having a relationship with our jobs was not a piece of cake. Nurturing our relationship was also part of the day to day. We had our ups and downs, but every time some obstacle came between us, I remembered those words and repeated to myself what really matters.

Deep in that memory, I didn't see when (Y/N) entered the room. I only realized her arms go around my neck as she kissed me on the head.

"Do you want me to bring you something? A coffee?" She whispered to me. I shook my head and clung to her arms.

"Stay with me for a moment, please."

She gave me another kiss on the head as a way of agreeing to my request. "Of course, as long as you need to."

We were silent for a while. She knew tears were running down my cheeks, but she didn't want to stop them, so she just hugged me tight. I'm sure tears ran down her cheeks, too. For me, for her, for both of us. We were in this together. I couldn't help but break the silence by verbalizing my thoughts.

"What if she doesn't recognize me? If I don't have the chance to say goodbye to her?" I felt my own voice break.

"Don’t think that. You are her son. Although her mind may not recognize you, surely her heart does. She has told you many times.” Said (Y/N) trying to comfort me.

It was true. On her good days and her bad days, I'd never stopped thinking about it. The last time she was lucid, a few months ago, she repeated it to me again.

"I just want to thank you for being my son. For being with me even if I'm not with you most of the time. Although my mind can't even remember your name or your face, know that in my heart, I’ll always love you as I have never loved anyone else in this world.”

"You don't have to thank me... I'm the one who is grateful to be your son."

“I know. It's just that I wish I could tell her so many things now." Although at that minute, I didn't know exactly what, but I did know that I needed to tell her things.

"Will you be able to do it? Of course you can do it.” replied (Y/N), trying to encourage me as she sat on my lap and stroked my hair, still hugging me.

We were like that for a long time; silent. This time I had neither the strength nor the interest in looking at the clock, but at one point I saw my mom's face contort, a sign the sedation was wearing off.

When I saw her open her eyes, I was afraid. On the one hand, I was relieved to see her awake again, but I was afraid that she wouldn't recognize me, and it would be the same as if she were sleeping... or worse.

"Spencer?" Hearing her voice, even if it was almost in a whisper, was a relief. (Y/N) and I immediately got up from the chair.

"Mom, I'm here." I moved closer so she could have a better view of my face.

"Sweetie. I’m sorry I scared you. I don't know why Addy called you; I feel good now."

Damn it. Hearing that broke my heart. Was she deliberately lying to me? Did she really believe it? How could I tell her something? I looked at (Y/N) with pleading eyes. I didn't know what to say. She just stroked my back as she whispered in my ear.

"Give her time. Just stay with her. I’ll go to inform the doctors she is awake.” She kissed me on the forehead and left the room. I knew it was a moment that I had to have alone with her.

***

I left the room towards the nurse's desk to report that Diana had woken up so they could contact the doctor. I didn't want to go back to the room. I knew I had to give them space and let them be alone. Despite all his fears and apprehensions, I knew Spencer would do and say the right things.

I went to one of the coffee machines and by inertia, I placed a few coins to extract perhaps the worst coffee I’d ever had in my life. But that didn't matter; at least having the feeling of doing something kept my head busy. With the cup of coffee in my hand, I sat for a few minutes on one of the benches in the waiting room.

With my eyes fixed on the dark liquid, I remembered the time I told Spencer I was pregnant. He was ecstatic. We hadn’t been consciously planning to have children, but we certainly both wanted it. The first things he said to me after "I love you" was "no more coffee," followed by "we have to tell my mom."

After our appointment with the doctor and knowing that things were going well with the pregnancy, we went to the sanitarium to see Diana. The first time we were not very lucky. She was on one of her bad days. Thankfully, she was able to recognize Spencer at the end of the visit. He was frustrated and sad, but I told him we had a lot more time to tell her and to that we could try another day. So we did; that second time we had better luck. She was much more lucid than the previous times.

“So it is true that you’ll give me a grandson or granddaughter. You haven't wasted your time…” She said, laughing.

"Mom, please." Spencer was still embarrassed by those kinds of comments.

"Spencer, no 'mom, please.' I just want to tell you both one thing: I know you’ll love that son or daughter with all your heart, but you’ll have to learn so many things! And I don't mean just learning how to change diapers or how to make a bottle – I mean how to live and let live another person who came out of your own womb, who may be the exact reflection of yourself. I think it is one of the most difficult things for a mother or father to experience. I tell you from my own experience…”

Being that Emily was still little, I didn't know if I could understand those words at their best yet, but not a day went by that I didn't remember them. Instinctively, I brought my free hand to my belly. Surely we would not only live this process with Emily. A couple of days ago I found out I was pregnant again, but I hadn't told Spencer yet. It was very recent, and I wanted to go to my first appointment before I told him. Well, there will be time for that later, I thought.

"(Y/N)?" JJ's voice brought me out of my thoughts. When I raised my head, the entire BAU team was in my view. There I realized that I hadn’t  even taken a sip of the coffee in my hand, and the smell was starting to bother me.

"Where's Reid?" Prentiss asked.

"He is with his mom now." I said, pointing to the hall where the room was. “She woke up very recently. She was sedated." Everyone gave me an empathetic look. I got up from the bench so that I could talk to them.

"How is Reid?" Rossi asked.

“Shattered. Powerless. Frustrated… I don't know what else could I say…” I shrugged and dumped the coffee in the trash can.

"And you? How are you doing?" Tara asked.

I could only scratch the base of my neck in despair. "I don’t know. I wish I could do much more... but I can only be there for him. There isn't anything else I can do.” I had not wanted to cry openly in all those hours because I was supposed to be my husband's support, but the situation was overwhelming me. In that moment, I released everything. Prentiss hugged me tight to comfort me.

"That is why we are all here, for whatever you need. We will stay here as long as necessary,” said Penelope.

"Thank you, guys. I know Spencer will appreciate it as much as I do," I said between disguised sobs on Emily's shoulder.

***

I took a deep breath and looked at my mom with a warm smile before continuing to speak.

"It’s okay, Mom. I wanted to see you anyway… that's why I'm here.” I tried to say something non-specific while finding out where we were.

"But look at this mess! These machines, these tubes… they should take all of this away from me,” she said in a frustrated tone.

"Mom... they can't. The doctors say they are necessary to monitor how you are doing and give you your medicine.” I tried to reason with her.

"The 'doctors,'" she murmured sarcastically. “Spencer, could it never be on my terms? Not even my own death?” She said, almost in a plea.

There I heard it; the proof that she knew. She was fully aware of what was going on. Would I to lie to her? I couldn't think of anything else to do.

"It’s necessary, so that you can recover."

Yes, I lied, trying to omit what had just come out of her mouth. It seemed the easiest thing to say. She looked at me with those eyes that rebuke you for lying. I felt like a child again.

“Honey… don't do that. We both know I’m not leaving here unless I’m in a coffin.”

Why did she have to be so rude while saying it? She said it as if it were the most natural and obvious outcome. Didn't she know it hurt me? Didn't it hurt her to say it?

"Mom, please... don't say that." I replied in protest.

"Do you want me to lie to you? I never liked lying to you, Spencer. You know that." Although her voice was soft, given her state and the narcotics traveling through her body, she denoted the same determination of her habitual character.

And yes; Diana Reid had never lied to me in her life, and she wasn’t going to start on her deathbed. Her ‘deathbed’. The thought of it made me finally collapse in front of her. I could see tears in her eyes too.

"Honey, look at me. I know this is difficult. Not that I have experienced it before, but we both knew this moment would come.”. I took her hand and squeezed it hard so that she knew I was listening, but I didn't want to open my eyes.

"It’s… just ... I'm not ready." My words were barely more than whispers.

"Me neither... but here we are." She squeezed my hand, and I finally opened my eyes. She had a wistful smile drawn on her face. “Sometimes we just have to let things happen. And don't think I 'm despising my life. Especially my life after having you. I have always told you that… that you are the best thing that could have happened to me in life. It would never be otherwise."

At that moment, the doctor in charge entered with some nurses. They checked the machines and brought a folder with papers that I assumed were my mom's medical records.

"Diana, how do you feel?" Asked the doctor.

"I've been better. Although at least I can recognize my son; I guess that puts me on one of my good days.” The sarcasm – my favorite inheritance. The doctor looked at me as if wanting to move away from her to talk to me.

"Mom, I'll be back in a minute, okay?"

"No. Whatever you have to discuss, do it here, in front of me. I don't want anything hidden from me. And if possible, I wish I could make decisions for myself too. After all, it is me who is dying.” Her tone was serious, but her voice trembled. A deep sigh ripped from my body. Yes, I owed her. It had to be on her terms. I looked at the doctor and nodded. She understood and began to speak.

"Well. Dr. Reid, Diana. Final examinations confirm the diagnosis of failure we had detected earlier. In the last hours we have tried 3 different routes of treatment to see if we can control the damage, but… none have worked. Sedation has helped with the pain, but it’ll start to get more intense in the next few hours. We have two options. We can maintain high levels of narcotics that will lessen the pain but keep you sedated, or we can work at lower levels, but that will bring more discomfort... but you will be conscious."

Before I could say anything, my mom stepped in. "How many hours?" Asked my mom looking at the ceiling.

"It is difficult to know exactly, but our estimate is between 4 and 6 hours." The doctor tried to explain.

"I want the second option," my mom said without even grimacing. I looked at her immediately.

"But mom, that means you will feel pain and be uncomfortable..."

She cut me off immediately. "Spencer, please, I'd rather take advantage of every hour  I have left with you than be some kind of Sleeping Beauty."

"Do you agree, Dr. Reid?" The doctor asked me. I couldn’t disagree; she wanted it. I nodded.

“Well, we’ll prepare everything for dosing and monitoring of your condition. Any changes you experience and needs that appears along the way; we can make adjustments for."

"Thank you." My mom and I said at the same time. The doctor nodded empathetically and left the room.

"Spencer, I know what you are thinking now, but I thank you for letting me make this decision.”

"I know, mom. I know." I leaned down and kissed her on the forehead.

"Well. I want to know. How is my granddaughter? How are things going with (Y/N)? Is she here? Tell me as if you were writing one of your letters. I love your letters, you know that".

I sat in the chair next to her and, without releasing her hand, I began to summarize the past few weeks just as if I were writing her a letter, with all the details I knew she wanted to know.

***

The waiting room was silent. With what little I had eaten, I began to feel sick. I had to go to the bathroom. The morning sickness had started, and in addition to the stress, it seemed to get worse. My cell phone vibrated. It was a message from Spencer: He wanted me to come to the room. I got out of the bathroom and informed the guys I had to go back. They nodded and said they would stay there and wait for news.

When I stepped inside, I saw Diana awake and with a smile on her face. Spencer saw me and got up from his chair.

"Mom, I told you that (Y/N) was here." He took me by the waist to bring me closer to where she was.

"Hello my dear. I'm sorry you have to see me this way. I hope you don't mind,” said Diana, as if it were a very normal day.

“Diana, there is nothing to apologize for. How are you feeling?”

"I think so far they have been quite balanced with the doses." She said, pointing to her intravenous line. I gave her an empathetic smile. She stared at me like she was analyzing me. That was not unusual for her, but given the circumstances I didn't think she would do it.

"How are you? How have you been feeling lately?" She asked me. I looked at Spencer, confused. I thought maybe he had said something to her about being stressed from work or my isolated headaches. He looked back at me just as confused.

"Fine. Well, there is plenty of work at BAU. And Emily is also quite amount of work.” I said, laughing. She gently nodded.

"And you’ll have more work with the new one." She said nonchalantly upon seeing my belly. I froze, immediately feeling Spencer's eyes on me. I don't know what Diana saw, but she knew immediately.

"Are you…?" Spencer asked to me.

"Honey, it's obvious. Apparently you are not paying too much attention.” Diana said. I just nodded before she looked at me again, “Darling, I'm sorry I ruined the surprise, but I'm glad to know that your family is going to grow, even though I won't be there to see it.” She spoke with a sigh.

At that time the nurses came back in to check on Diana's condition. They asked us to leave the room for a moment. In the hallway, Spencer looked at me with puzzled eyes.

"Baby, I didn't want to tell you because it's so recent. I only took the tests a few days ago. I have an appointment with the doctor next week. I’m sorry.” I tried to apologize.

"It's okay. I’m not reproaching you for anything. Come here." He pulled me with one of his hands and hugged me tight. "Sorry that I can't be more animated, but it really seems like fantastic news to me."

"You don’t have to apologize. It's not the right time now either, I know.”

"As you can see, my mom always has other plans." He said muffling his voice in my hair.

"How she is doing?" I took advantage of asking to him. He related what was coming. He looked much calmer than at the beginning of the day. Resigned? Perhaps.

Although the passing of the hours meant a painful countdown, Spencer managed to share with Diana the most intimate of her mother-son relationship. I must say I always admired the way they cared about each other. Spencer trying to be the protective son while Diana, in her role as mother, always looked to teach him new things; advise him, support him, even if they didn’t see each other on a daily basis. The kind of bond that many families, no matter how much time they spend together, never achieve.

The last medical check-up showed Diana was declining, and that pain was not so subtle without the medication. The doctor again offered the option of sedation, which Diana refused.

***

I could see her face more uncomfortable than in the prior hours. You could tell she was breathing harder and her eyes were heavier. She insisted on being conscious as far as her body would allow. I never abandoned her side. Neither of us could speak. She didn’t because it was more physically difficult; I didn’t because I felt a lump in my throat from the powerlessness of seeing her in pain. We were silent. It was early morning, but the first ray of daylight hadn’t yet appeared. She opened her eyes and looked at me.

"Honey, what are you thinking...?” She asked softly.

"That I don’t like to see you in pain..."

She could barely smile. "I don't care about pain. I’m happy that you are with me. That is enough for me.” She said, closing her eyes and giving a deep sigh. You could tell it was more effort than she was willing to admit.

"Mom... I..." I wanted to be honest with her, but it was hard for me to get out of my 'I'm fine' role.

"Just say it, Spencer. Don't keep it. Especially not now…” She said in an almost inaudible voice.

"Mom, I'm scared. I’m afraid to let you go, and it's not just because I love you, it's because I don't know who I am in this world if I'm not your son. If I'm not here to protect you." I started crying again.

"Spencer... that's a role you've had for a long time." She told me in a whisper.

"It’s what I am..."

"No. You, my dear son, you are more than that. What we are in the world... can change. It's part of life. You have to move forward. You have to keep going. Do it for me, for you, for your family… Please.”

"How do I do that...?" I asked almost rhetorically.

"Just do it. You've been a wonder boy for many years. You are an adult now. A loving husband, an exceptional father… Just keep going.”

"I promise I’ll try. I swear, I’ll try… ” I said, squeezing her hand.

"I know. And I know you’ll succeed. Because you are my son, and I know you and I love you.”

Those were her last words.

The next few minutes were silent. All I could do was take her hand to try and comfort her through the pain. When the grip of her hand became languid, I realized she had passed away. The constant, deafening sound of the machines was only a confirmation of what I already knew.

A sob tore from my throat. Within a second the room filled with doctors and nurses. I couldn't let go of her hand. I didn’t dare; I couldn’t. (Y/N) took my arm, helping me to release my mom's hand. Helping me let her go.

“Spencer. We have to get out of the room. Come on love, let's go.” Nodding, I followed her into the hall. (Y/N) started talking to me to get me out of my shock. "It's okay. Everything will be fine. She is fine now. She is no longer suffering. You could be with her to the end. You let her go on her terms. I’m proud of what you did, Spencer, and I'm sure that she is even more proud.” I managed to hug her and sank my head into her shoulder.

***

"I'm going to miss her so much..." He told me as I gently stroked his head, trying to calm him down.

"I know, baby. I know. But you’re not alone; we’re not alone. We are together in this. We’ll get through it, I promise."

Those were the only words that came out of my mouth. I knew the pain was not going to go away quickly. I knew this would be slow, but I was willing to do whatever it took to help him. I sincerely hoped that he knew that.

We held each other for a while. Then it was him who broke the embrace, looking me in the eyes and resting his hands on my shoulders to make sure I was paying attention to him.

“I couldn't be luckier to have you by my side. And if I have to repeat it every day of my life, I’ll do it, because I don't want to take anything for granted between us. Thank you for being with me. I love you, (Y/N)”. His words were accompanied by a warm little smile; a promise that things would be okay, eventually.

"Always. Never doubt that I love you, Spencer Reid. And I’ll be forever grateful to Diana for raising such a unique and wonderful person like you."

Before walking to the waiting room, I told him that the entire team was there. I didn't want to disturb him with a surprise at a time of such vulnerability. He nodded, taking my hand, and we continued toward the waiting room. Seeing them, he couldn't let the tears run down his cheeks. I released his hand so that he could receive everyone's affection. Another way to show him that he was not alone in this; that there were people who would always be there for him.

***

I never expected to see so many people on the day of her funeral. In addition to my current BAU team, Derek, Aaron, Alex, and Kate were there, along with some of my mom's ex-students, part of the Brookfield workers, and others I didn’t recognize. I received many hugs and words of reassurance.

It was time for my speech. I looked at (Y/N) and our little Emily, who could hardly understand what was happening. I cleared my throat and started to speak.

Of course, Diana Reid would not have liked it all to be sadness, so when I saw the audience laugh at some of the anecdotes I told, I felt that she was smiling at me from where she was now. It was my time for the last words.

“… she always had something to say… something to say to me. In her own way, she taught me to be the man I am now. I’ll forever be grateful for that. And if there is something I aspire to in my life, it is to be able to teach my daughter and my next child so many things, as my mother taught me. And I know that she is proud of me; she told me that many times. But I want to continue to honor that pride for the rest of my life. I want to continue being the worthy son that she deserves, even though her body is no longer here. Now I only have one more thing to say... something to tell you, mom. Thank you for letting me be your son. I love you."

——————–

[jazy3]

Thoughts on Grey’s Anatomy: 17X14

SPOILERS AHEAD!!!

So, if you read my review from the previous episode you know I turned out to be mostly wrong about this one. That being said, I really enjoyed the episode. I was never a ride or die japril shipper so I don't think this episode was as emotional for me as it was for other fans, but I enjoyed it. It was nice to see Jackson and April back on screen together! They always had great chemistry and I really enjoyed their scenes. And how cute was Harriet in this episode? She was SO adorable! I like that Jackson went to go visit his father to try and figure out what his Mom was talking about and I'm glad he got some closure there. That was nice to see. The scene where Robert tells Jackson why he left was super emotional and the acting was sublime!

I'm glad that Robert is giving lunches to people who need them in the community and is helping in his own way. It doesn't make up for what he did, but it's nice to know that he's making a go of the life he has with the diner and his coffee blend. It did bug me a bit that they played with time so much because it was difficult for me to figure out in the beginning what order the events went in which kind of took me out of the episode a little bit.

My biggest pet peeve with this episode was the whole thing with the meat slicer. Let me explain. It would have taken Robert a few minutes maximum to teach Jackson how to use it, but instead Jackson acts like the entitled pretty boy that he is and says he can operate it no problem. It's because of attitudes like this that people get hurt in workplace accidents because they assume that because it looks easy that it is. Anyone CAN operate a meat slicer, but you shouldn't without proper training.

Attitudes like that perpetuate the idea that people who work in hospitality, retail, construction, and other such fields are "simple" and that anyone can do it. It devalues the important work that so many people do, and it often results in untrained people getting hurt. So yeah as someone whose worked in both hospitality and retail and whose family works in construction I could have done without the harmful stereotype that we are all simpletons and Jackson's BS elitist attitude and him cutting himself on the meat slicer. Jackson's clearly never worked a day in his life outside of being a doctor and it shows.

I too was surprised when April agreed so suddenly to go with Jackson to Boston. I didn't think it was fair for her to agree without talking to Matthew first, but then she revealed that they split up. Going into this episode I really thought they were faking us out because April, a deeply religious woman, leaving her husband and step-daughter for Jackson didn't make any sense to me. But finding out that April and Matthew split up changes that. At first, I thought that would be impossible because getting a divorce in the early months of the pandemic was pretty difficult but the fact that they've separated but not officially divorced makes more sense.

Jackson says in the first half of the season that Matthew is spending more time with Harriet than he or April are because they've both been taking so many COVID shifts which at the time came across as them being a happy family. But taken in context with what April says in this episode it makes it sound like Matthew was spending time with Harriet because Jackson and April were working all the time and that put strain on their marriage. What Jackson is talking about would have happened in March or early April and this episode takes place sometime in June. Sadly, a lot of couples have split up during the pandemic in the way that April describes so while sad it was realistic.

While it would obviously be sad and confusing for the kids April makes it clear that Matthew and Ruby have the support of his sister and mother and her and Harriet have Jackson. I’m sad that April and Matthew’s relationship didn’t work out. I really liked them together. I do think it was nice though that they had Jackson ride off into the sunset with April and Harriet having left the door open for reconciliation the way they did with Arizona and Callie when Arizona moved to New York with Sofia.

Also let’s talk about the big elephant in the room. I get that this is Jackson's send off, but I still don't understand why Jackson couldn't run the Foundation from Seattle. That's what Catherine has been doing on and off for the last few years. Tom and Richard the previous and current Chief Medical Officers of the Catherine Fox Foundation are both based in Seattle. Why is moving to Boston necessary? It's their foundation can't they just move the Headquarters? Also were in a pandemic wouldn’t Jackson be working remotely anyway? Why do they have to move to Boston? What’s in Boston that they need so badly?

That being said, I'm glad that Jackson is getting a proper send off and will have time to say goodbye to everybody and have some heart to hearts and do it properly. We don't get that with every character. What in the heckity heck is Jo going to do next season? She doesn't have anyone to sleep with or date and she's leaving general surgery for OBGYN. That doesn't leave a whole lot of story for her. What is she going to do? Talk to Levi about his relationship problems and deliver babies? You could make a reoccurring character out of that sure but not a main character which is what Jo is currently billed as.

I'd like to see Jo adopt Luna and I think that could be really interesting so if they go that route, I could get on board but if not, I don't know what she's going to do. To be honest Jo isn't my favourite character, but I still feel bad for her. She has serious abandonment issues and every time she heals someone else leaves her! Jo's mother left her at a fire station as a baby. She wanted nothing to do with her as an adult. She did the work to get all whole and healed and was finally ready to have kids with Alex when finds out about the twins and leaves her for Izzie.

Jo does the work to get better and work on her issues and begins a friends with benefits relationship with Jackson only for him to disappear to the woods after Jo called him out on it at the beginning of their relationship and has now decided to move to Boston with April and Harriet to head up the Foundation. Girl can't win. Also does April know that Jackson has been sleeping with Jo? I mean she didn’t tell him that her and Matthew separated so I guess she can’t be too mad at him, but still. Awkward.

I think Jackson loves camping more than anyone else ever loves camping. His departure means he won't be attending Maggie's wedding. I have to admit I was looking forward to the awkwardness. I’m curious to see what Catherine is going to do now. Will she retire? Will she go back to being an attending surgeon full time? Does this mean they are going to have to find someone new to head up Plastics? Are they going to introduce a new character for Season 18?

I feel like finding a replacement for Jackson could go either way. Because I didn't think I would like Hayes when he took over Peds but now I love him and he's one of my favourite characters! I still miss Alex, but Hayes has been a great addition. I root for him and Meredith so hard and he was one of my favourite parts of Season 16.

Also, poor Bailey! This woman is just trying to keep the hospital afloat and she's losing surgeons and doctors left, right, and centre. Alex moved to Kansas. DeLuca died. Jackson is moving to Boston. Jo is switching specialties. Meredith's out with COVID! And let's not forget that Bailey lost her Mom to COVID not that long after she suffered a miscarriage after having a heart attack way too young and she deals with OCD which the pandemic is doing nothing to help! This poor woman!

Onto next week’s promo, I'm glad that they are doing a proper send off with Jackson. I'm also super excited that Meredith is up and talking and moving around! I've missed her! Although I am mad we have to wait another two weeks!!! I mean come on! We waited two whole months for the show to come back and then we waited for two weeks between episodes 13 and 14 and now we have to wait another two weeks for episode 15. Come on! Meredith and Hayes better rise as a couple when the show returns because if they don’t I will be so disappointed.

Until next time!

[wrienne]

My Cheating Amnesic Fiancé

Chapter 4: The Accident

He didn't follow you. But you knew he had seen your tears. You attempted to wipe them away as you hurried out of the stadium. You didn't know why you were crying. You should be shouting in glee and celebrate Jungkook's betrayal. You were free.

Why then, did it hurt so much?

Se-Eun’s face immediately turned serious when she saw you, and she silenced her tired, irritated mother and Min-Ji and Yeon-Woo. Something in your expression must have warned her and the others not to speak to you, for they remained quiet the whole ride home. Se-Eun’s mother made sure to drop you off first even though the ride to Gangnam would take the longest in addition to being a detour from the stadium.

“Call you tomorrow?” Se-Eun asked after you thanked her mother. Her eyes held concern.

“Sure,” you told her as you exited the car. You found yourself sounding much harsher than you had wanted, so you added, “thank you very much for the ride.”

Her mother nodded with a face so similar to Se-Eun’s that, when you had first met her, you had thought they were far-apart sisters. She was quite young too, having become a mother at 22. “You sure you don't want to sleep at ours? I know it's school tomorrow, but Se-Eun told me your parents are in Japan and would be there until next week.”

“I'll be alright,” you said quickly. “I'm used to it.” You obviously didn't feel like hanging out at the moment. Even though Se-Eun was more tactful than most, she wouldn't be able to stop herself from asking you what had happened.

And you definitely didn't want to have a repeat of Jungkook’s not-really-yet-actual infidelity. Although, it wasn't as if you could talk about it even if you wanted to.

“See you!” Se-Eun and the others said. You could see the curiosity brimming over in her friends’ eyes.

You managed a weak smile. “Yeah.”

It was empty in your parents' apartment. A note on the refrigerator door reminded you that they were away on a combined work and vacation trip in Osaka together with Jungkook’s parents. All four of them were gone until Saturday. That meant that if you told your parents now, Jungkook's parents would also know and they would have six days to argue.

You hesitated to dial your dad. Perhaps you should tell him and your mom face to face. Although that wasn't really a valid excuse since there was something as simple as a facecam option on KakaoTalk. Still, you found yourself reluctant to make the call.

With a tired exhale, you went to rummage your cupboards for a packet of noodles. You had missed dinner due to Se-Eun’s sudden invitation and your stomach had given up growling hours ago. Also, you just felt like eating something bad.

You refused to acknowledge the reason why, though.

While you waited for the water to boil, you readied a tray with chopsticks, a spoon, some water and a tiny serving of kimchi, so you could bring the food to the living room. You were used to eating alone. When your grandparents on your father’s side had been alive, you had almost always dined with them whenever your parents were away. It was the least they could do after having grown too old to travel, thus passing on the responsibility of being the head representative of Phoenix Inc. to your father. But ever since your grandma had passed and your grandpa had become sick due to his grief before slowly slipping away five years ago, you had dealt with food yourself. You had never known your grandparents on your mother’s side, for they had passed before you were born, and none of your other relatives lived even nearby Seoul.

It didn't matter much, though. Loneliness had been your companion through life as far back as you could remember. The curse of fortune, you reckoned.

You placed the square of noodles into the steaming hot water and poured the packets of spices and dried vegetables in after. The tiny screen on the microwave said 23:31. You would hate yourself for eating that late into the night instead of sleeping, especially since you were supposed to go to school tomorrow at eight in the morning. But as you stirred everything around, watching the noodles and the vegetables soften and the clear water turn reddish, you found yourself feeling eerily awake.

You reluctantly recalled the expression on Jungkook’s face. It had almost seemed like he had wanted to add something to your conversation. Something vital. What could it have been? He wasn't stupid enough to think he could get away with a girlfriend while being engaged to another, was he? No, you didn't think so. There had to be a reason - no matter how bad or unexpected - why he decided to remain with you if now his heart belonged to her.

“Stop it,” you mumbled underneath your breath. “Get him out of your head, he's not worth spending brainpower over. Just call your parents tomorrow morning, since they’re probably sleeping now anyways. Let them handle this poor investment of their only daughter.”

Your voice sounded bitter. Your face probably looked bitter. But hey, at least you were out of a potentially devastating marriage. You didn't know what you would have done if you found out about Park Yi-Jae after the walk to the altar. Let's just say, a packet of noodles in the middle of the night would have been the least of your concerns.

You were seated in front of your TV, absentmindedly flipping through channels when you finally felt sleep creep over your eyelids and body. Your saucepan had cooled since long and your glass of water had been emptied and filled, twice. Turning the TV off, you headed toward the kitchen with your dishes when an unexpected sound pierced through the silence.

Ring, ring, ring.

It was your phone. You darted the last meters into the kitchen, having forgotten the phone on the kitchen island, and picked it up. You didn't recognize the number.

Why would someone call you in the middle of the night?

Scratch that, it was past the middle of the night, you realized as you eyed your microwave. However, there wasn't really that much time for you to think, so you, without considering the possibilities, simply answered.

“Hello?” you said hesitantly.

“Er...” a low, male voice began. “Who is this?”

“Shouldn't you know since you called?” you parried, instantly growing suspicious. The person sounded vaguely familiar, though you couldn't put your finger on who it was.

“Well, it’s the only number I haven't already called on this phone and it doesn't exactly say the proper name of a person.”

You frowned. “What?”

You suddenly heard some voices in the background near you - or rather, the speaker on the other line - and you discerned, “He actually cracked the code!” and “Who are you talking to?” until finally: “Taehyung, give me the phone.”

There was some rough scratching in your ear. Your frown deepened when another male’s voice spoke to you.

“This is Kim Sejin, one of the head managers of the Bangtan Boys.”

“Okay?” you said slowly.

“Are you related to or friends with Jeon Jungkook?”

“I wouldn't say either of those applies,” you answered, feeling cold at the mere mention of his name. “But I do know a guy with that name, who just happens to be in Bangtan.”

The voice sighed. It was a long, weary exhale, and suddenly you tensed.

Suddenly, you knew something was terribly wrong.

“There… there has been a severe accident. If you could come to Asan Medical Center as soon as possible, that would be very helpful. Do you need help getting here?”

You simply stood there, numb.

An accident?

“What kind of accident?” you heard yourself ask.

“It'll be easier to explain once you're on place,” said Sejin impatiently. “When can you get here?”

“I... I can be there in twenty if traffic is good,” you heard yourself say.

“I'll meet you at the front desk.”

The whole ride there, you were so concerned you couldn't even sit still. You hadn't even bothered calling your parents chauffeur. The cab driver gave you odd looks while you fidgeted, scratched your arm and did and undid your hair. You couldn't care less that you looked like you had taken a dose of something, and something cheap and really poorly made at that. You were too busy worrying.

What had happened? Why was Jungkook at the hospital? No matter how much you enjoyed seeing him lose his composure or fumble, you would never even consider wanting him hurt. Not even once, not even a little. It didn't matter what he had done to you - you would never ever, ever wish harm upon Jeon Jungkook. Scumbag and cheater aside, he was the son of your parents' closest friends - and one of few constants that existed in your life. Even if he was an unfriendly one.

Also, there was that one time when you were both children that you had yet to repay him for.

After paying the driver, you sprinted into the main doors of AMC. A middle-aged man in quite a good physique stood by the front desk and furrowed his brows at your abrupt entrance until recognition lighted his eyes.

“(Y/F/N)?” Creases appeared in his forehead, and he raised an eyebrow. “Was it you I was speaking with?”

“Yes,” you quickly replied. “Though don't say my name too loudly.”

There were a surprisingly low amount of visitors or patients, though considering the time of the day - or were you supposed to say night? - perhaps it wasn't that odd. Yet, considering the guy hospitalized, you had expected some kind of paparazzi.

“Pleasure meeting you finally,” the man said and reached out his hand. “If only the situation had been different, I might have actually meant it. I'm Kim Sejin.”

“Likewise, and yes, I figured. Where is the media?” you asked after shaking his hand. His hand was heavy, calloused. “Shouldn't they be here, being vultures or parasites or whatever else they call journalism?”

Sejin let out a tired chuckle before turning sober. “It happened privately, and much too sudden. We were fortunate with that, at least.”

You swallowed hard as your heart started beating faster. “Where is he? What happened?”

“Follow me, I'll tell you meanwhile.”

He began walking down the eastern corridor, which fortunately didn't say critical care. You obeyed, walking next to him while you tried not to think about what horror might have befallen Jungkook.

“I don't know why he acted the way he did,” began Sejin, then gave you a sharp glance. “But after you two had 'talked', the kid was devastated. I thought he would cheer up after some drinks in celebration of the concert. He did, too - at least for an hour or so he seemed happy. Then, all of a sudden, he decided to bolt out onto the street, shouting something about ‘making things right.'” Sejin grimaced. “He didn't see the car, or at least I don't think he did.”

“He would never commit suicide,” you told Sejin firmly, remembering a scene from years back. “He loves his singing and dancing too much for that.”

“I really hope so.”

“Believe me,” you said as you did your very best to fight back the anger rising within you at the memory. Old bruises on young skin. Alcohol and smoke-laced words. “Jungkook has been through some terrible things in order to reach where he is today. He wouldn't give it all up just like that.”

Sejin gave you an inquisitive look but you shook your head. This wasn't your story to tell.

"Besides," you added with a half-hearted smile. "He would never die for me."

“Very well.” He paused outside a room. Again, his features turned serious. “This is it. He is awake and although the tests and scans aren't completely finished, the doctor thinks he's fine. She said he could count himself lucky that he only broke his arm, even if it was his right one.”

“Well then,” you said and put your hand on the metallic door handle, feeling a wave of relief sweep over you. “Why did you sound so worried earlier then? You told me it was a severe accident.”

“There is this one detail…”

You rolled your eyes. “A scar on his pretty face won’t dissuade any of the fans’ from supporting him. In fact, it’ll probably make him look a bit tougher and even more desirable. That’s nothing to be ashamed of - on the contrary, actually.”

Kim Sejin pursed his lips before speaking. “It’s not his face that’s the issue.”

And the next few words he said would come to permanently change your life. For better or worse, you didn’t know. At least not yet.

“He is amnesic, (Y/N).”

[thepipsqueakery]

As you all know, we have been driving the struggle bus here at The Pipsqueakery and this next week is probably going to be the biggest struggle of them all. Most of our employees are out this week (vacation and continuing education) and my mom is being discharged from the hospital on Thursday. While this is awesome, it's also an additional strain on The Pipsqueakery because Jason will be going to stay with my mom for at least a month to help with her recovery. She's very physically capable but she has some short term memory deficits for now and that's a safety issue. So, I'm a little nervous because The Pipsqueakery definitely isn't a 1 person show and for the next month at least 16 or so hours of the day will be me alone. Luckily we have some awesome people in our corner and thanks to a generous anonymous donor (who is not me even though it looks like me matching donations on the Facebook fundraiser) The Pipsqueakery will receive up to $6,215 in matching funds for donations made from now until September 6th! There are lots of ways to donate including: ❤ Venmo: @ThePipsqueakery ❤ CashApp: $ThePipsqueakery ❤ Zelle: 574-993-2235 ❤ Paypal: Paypal.me/thepipsqueakery ❤ www.facebook.com/donate/6236746749699340/ Let's take advantage of this generous offer and raise $6,215 by September 6th so that The Pipsqueakery gets $12,430 to keep saving animals! #bunny #rescue #sanctuary #rabbit https://www.instagram.com/p/CTNAB4HsLCr/?utm_medium=tumblr

[minyoongiest]

Positions || KNJ (M)

• pairing: Namjoon x reader

• rating: MA/18+

• type/genre: smut, fluff, multichapter, idol!au, established relationship, nurse!reader/single mom!reader/stylist!reader

• word count: 5.7k

• summary: After a long day working at the hospital in Seoul, you’re ready to spend some alone time with your man, and since your daughter is staying with her aunt for the night, Namjoon has some ideas for how to work off the stress of your day.

• contains: explicit language, explicit sexual content, oral (both receiving, not simultaneously), vaginal sex, multiple sex positions, multiple orgasms, creampie

• note: a commission for K. Thank you so much! I loved doing this, and I hope you like it!

(translations are at the end)

|| ao3 ||

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

As soon as I shut the door to my car, I let out a sigh of relief. I like my job. (I like more that it pays my bills.) But no matter how much I like it, being on my feet all day and trying to do a million things at once so patients are taken care of and the doctors and my supervisors are happy is exhausting. I am so glad to be off and that I don’t have another shift for forty-eight hours because I need a break.

Checking my face in the sun visor mirror, I’m pleased to find my eye makeup is still intact. I was pretty sure by this time I’d look like as haggard as I feel, but my eyeliner is still perfectly winged, and my mascara isn’t even smudged. Tilting the mirror, I turn my neck to check my hair. It’s in a tied back for function, but practicality doesn’t trump style. Not for me, which is why it’s sleek and straight rather than just haphazardly thrown into a ponytail.

“Time to go home and get out of these scrubs,” I murmur, starting my car.

My phone rings as I’m pulling out of the parking garage, and my heart flutters when I see his name on my car screen. I use the button on the steering wheel to answer.

“Hey, I’m just leaving the hospital.”

“Oh, good. Are you on your way to pick up my angel?”

“Actually, I have two days off, so my sister is picking her up and keeping her for the night.”

His angel is my daughter from a previous relationship. Her dad split before she was born, so it was just me and her until Namjoon and I randomly matched on Tinder. At first, I wasn’t actually sure it was really, truly him because Namjoon being Namjoon it seemed like it was definitely a hoax, but I agreed to meet up with him just to see, and what was supposed to be a hookup turned into a fancy dinner date followed by a casual lunch date and then drinks at his apartment after work which turned into a naked sleepover…

That sort of went on for a few months, in which I introduced him to my daughter through pictures and stories, and then they met in person, which was exciting and nerve-wracking for me, but she adores him, and he adores her. So on the night of our sixth month anniversary when he asked how I felt about us moving in with him, there wasn’t much for me to think about.

“Oh,” he says softly. “So, we’re alone for the night?”

“Yes.”

“And you don’t have to be up for work?”

“No.” I bite my lip as I stop at a red light and flip on my turn signal. “I do have to go get her before noon though, so I can’t be in bed all day.”

“That’s okay,” he answers quickly. “I have a schedule before that, so I’ll be up.”

“Are you still at the studio?”

“Yeah. I want to get a few more things recorded before I head home. Do you want me to pick up takeout on my way?”

“That would be great. I have some stuff to do around the house, and I had an email about a styling job I want to look into, so that works for me.”

“Okay. I’ll see you at home. Later, baby.”

“Bye.”

He hangs up, and my phone switches to a Spotify playlist. As I drive the last few miles, I do a mental rundown of the things I need to get done before he gets home. In addition to looking into the styling contract, I want to get the dishes in the sink washed first and then cut up the fresh fruit in the fridge for my girl’s lunches next week, and if I have time go ahead and fold some of the clean laundry sitting in the basket in the laundry room.

The actual first thing I do when I walk into the apartment is take off my scrubs and hop into she shower to wash off my day, literally, since I work in healthcare. When I get out, I pull on a pair of sweatpants and a tank top before I go to the kitchen to start loading the dishwasher. While it’s running, I do the fruit which isn’t my favorite thing to do since it gets boring, but it’s so much easier to pack lunches when the fruit is done and ready to grab from the fridge.

Finally, I settle down on the couch with a glass of champagne and my computer to go over the details of the styling job. Since I already knew it would require the most of my time I have before Namjoon gets home, I saved it for last. After I skim the entire email, I take another sip of my drink before setting my glass aside and scrolling back up to the details that pique my interest—what designers their looking for, what the concept of the style is, and how soon they need it done. If those things work for me, the next thing I’ll look at is compensation, but I have to be interested enough to want the job first.

“Gucci…Balenciaga…Dior…” I mutter to myself as I make notes in a separate window on my computer.

As I look slowly through the email again, I’m thinking of what connections I have with which designers and if I can put something together. Before I had my kid and went back to school to be a nurse to support her, this is what I did. During that time, I met a lot of people in the industry, so I know someone pretty much everywhere.

“Oh, if that’s the concept…” I close my eyes for a second to picture different pieces from different collections.

“Dior.”

As soon as I say it, my phone starts to ring, making me jump. I see my daughter’s face on the screen and realize how late it is. She must be going to bed.

“Hey babe,” I answer, closing my laptop and setting it aside.

“Hi, Mommy.”

“Are you having fun at your sleepover?”

“Yes, Mommy. We made cookies and then we went outside and then we had pizza and played games and then we watched Rapunzel and had ice cream.”

“Wow. That’s a lot of things.”

And a lot of sugar. I’m not mad at my sister. She can spoil her if she wants. I’m just surprised she’d do that to herself knowing my kid is going to be bouncing off the walls until she crashes.

“Mommy, when are you coming to get me?”

I sigh and ignore the way my heart gets all soft. “Tomorrow at lunch time.”

“Okay, Mommy…” I can hear her frown, and I hate it.

“Do you have your pillow?” I stand and start to check her bedroom. If she doesn’t have it, she won’t sleep, and as much as I want a night to myself, I also need my kid to sleep.

“Yes, Mommy, and my pajamas.”

“Oh good.”

I start to ask her another question when I hear the door open, and I turn to look as Namjoon comes in holding a paper sack with our takeout order.

“Hey, baby,” he says quietly, his stupidly pretty face splitting into a grin.

Fuck. Those damn dimples. I can’t.

I see his eyes go to the phone in my hand before he asks, “Who are you talking to?”

“JOONIE!”

I jerk the phone away from my ear as my daughter shrieks into it.

“Oh, let me talk to her,” he says as he rushes to put the food down on the bar top and hurries over to me.

I hand him the phone and watch as he lifts it to his ear.

“How’s my angel tonight?” he asks gently, sitting down on the arm of the couch. “Oh really? … Well that’s good. Did you have fun at school?”

I press my lips together as I wander over to the food and start pulling things out of the bag.

“Well, maybe Monday it’ll be easier,” he says quietly. “Okay?”

He laughs softly, and I can’t help but look over at him. God, he really loves my baby.

“Goodnight, angel,” he whispers. “Do you want to tell your mom goodnight? … Okay, I’ll tell her.”

He hangs up, and I pretend I wasn’t spying as I set out the rest of the food.

“She said she misses you,” his low voice rumbles into my ear as he comes up behind me, his arm sliding around my waist.

“She’ll be okay.”

“She also told me to kiss you goodnight for her,” he says softer.

“Oh yeah?” I tilt my head back to look at him.

“Mmhmm.” He leans down a few inches and his lips brush mine, a pleasant shiver running down my spine.

Damn those soft lips. Why do they feel so good?

“I don’t think that’s the goodnight kiss she meant,” I whisper.

“Oh, you want another one?”

He smirks and leans down to kiss my cheek, his arms squeezing tight around my stomach.

“Quit. Quit!” I pull away. “We need to eat still.”

“Hmm. Okay, but I’m coming back to this later.”

“Sounds good to me,” I mumble as he walks around the counter to the fridge where he grabs a beer.

“What do you want to drink?” He glances over his shoulder at me.

I sort of finished the champagne already, so I shrug and say, “I’ll have what you’re having.”

“Cool. Do you want your own or some of mine?”

“Some of yours is fine.”

He nods, and I wait for him to grab his food and head to the couch before I follow him, setting mine on the coffee table while I get comfortable before I reach for it again.

Namjoon talks to me while he eats. About anything. About everything. He tells me about work (at least vaguely), about what memes the members are talking about in the group chat, about changing his hair color… Aside from the occasional comment, I eat and listen to him. I could say more, but just listening to him talk makes me happy.

When we’re finished, he gathers up our trash and then decides to take the bag out because it’s too full to close the trash can. While he’s gone, I go to empty the dishwasher. I mean, normally, I would leave it especially since we’re alone for the night which is rare and usually means something very naughty and very fun is going to happen, but the cabinet has literally no plates or cups in it, and I don’t want to forget and have to rush to do them later. Plus, I have a bunch of nervous energy, and I need to do something until he gets back.

The top rack is empty and I’m halfway through the bottom rack when Joon comes into the kitchen.

“I figured you’d be in the bedroom,” he says in a low tone.

“I was killing time.” I shrug. “And now that I started I might as well finish.”

“Let me help you.”

He reaches down and grabs the rest of the plates and moves behind me, reaching over my head toward the cabinet, so close his chest touches my back.

Which is when I feel it.

Feel him.

Thick and hard and pressed against my ass.

I suck in a breath and bite my lip.

“Baby, you okay?”

“Fuck the dishes,” I whisper.

“What?”

Turning around carefully, still pinned between him and the counter, I look up at him, while at the same time sliding my hand down between us, cupping his firm bulge.

He winces, and I see his eyes flash.

“I want this,” I murmur as I give it the faintest squeeze.

He grits his teeth and grabs onto the counter next to my hip.

“Shit,” he mutters.

I start to ask what that means when suddenly he grabs my waist and lifts me onto the counter.

“What are you doing?” I whisper.

“You started this,” he says roughly as his eyes darken with arousal and he steps between my thighs, reaching for the waistband of my pants.

“Wait, right now?” My voice gets higher, and I bite my lip.

“I’m starting right now.”

I don’t get to ask what that means because his hands start pulling on my sweats and I almost slide off the counter before I reach back and push up on my wrists so they’ll slide off.

My panties go with them.

Oh God. My bare ass is on my kitchen counter. And Namjoon is between my knees. Cool air glides over my exposed pussy and I bite my lip, fighting a whimper.

“Mmm.” Namjoon’s eyes travel over me, landing on the now-pulsing place between my thighs.

Instinctively, I try to close my legs, but his hips are in the way.

“Don’t hide from me,” he says softly, his fingers trailing over my skin, from my knee toward my hip, along my inner thigh. I stop breathing as the edge of his fingertip traces the outside of my lower lips.

He leans closer, bending so his face is right there. My hands grip the edge of the counter tightly as a rush of wet saturates between my legs.

“I think I want dessert now,” Namjoon says softly as he straightens.

“What?” I blink.

I—He just—I thought we were going to—

All of the sudden he drops to his knees, and my spine goes rigid. He moves closer to the counter, his large hands on my legs, his eyes on my pussy. He pauses, and my eyelids flutter closed. I try not to moan as he exhales, a warm stream of air hitting directly against wet slit.

“Joon…” I swallow. “What are you–”

“Eating,” he rumbles, his mouth brushing against me as he says it.

My back arches instantly as his tongue dips in between my lips and runs the length of me.

“Namjoon,” I gasp as his large hands slide under my thighs, lifting them, pulling them apart as he tilts his head and plants a gentle kiss right there.

He kisses again. Harder.

And then he starts sucking.

First on one side. Then the other. And slowly from the front to the back. My back arches, forcing me further into his mouth, and I moan loudly. Without missing a beat, he tilts his head and sucks deep, his tongue darting out again, teasing me. I swear under my breath and one of my hands slides down into his hair.

His eyes lift to mine, and I feel the heat of them where his thumbs are slowly pulling me open. He smirks, and I feel it in my nipples, which tighten painfully right before he lowers his head again, his soft lips rubbing over my throbbing ones before the flat of his tongue laps them, the tip flicking across my clit.

“Son of a bitch,” I whisper.

He laughs against me, and I swear I almost come. Except he stops.

“Namjoon, what are you waiting–”

I choke on my question when he suddenly sucks hard, his teeth grazing my lips before his fingers pull me open and he tongue drives inside.

I swallow a scream as my head flies back as he fucks me with his mouth. Sucking and licking and his tongue moving in and out of me. He quickly adds two of his long ass fingers, which only makes me crazier. My hand on the edge of the counter is holding on so tight it might be cutting into my palm. The other is fisting his hair, my thighs clamped around his face as he devours me.

He grunts against me, and I whimper at the sensation. I’m so close I could cry.

“Joon,” I plead softly. “I want… I want to–”

One of his thumbs rolls over my swollen clit at the same time his tongue and fingers thrust deep. I come instantly, exploding in his mouth as I fall back on my elbows, moaning his name. His hands move to my ass, pulling it off the edge of the counter and against his face as he continues to suck and lick my wildly spasming pussy. When I come down, his tongue runs along my slit one last time before he puts my bare ass back on the counter and climbs to his feet.

“I can’t feel my legs,” I whisper as he rests his hand by my hip, leaning in to kiss me.

“Mmm.” He smirks against my mouth, and I realize I can taste myself on his lips.

I get wet instantly at the thought, and reach up to put my hands on his shoulders.

“I guess that means you’ll have to carry me to the bedroom,” I murmur.

He makes a low growling sound as his large hands yank my hips against his, my trembling legs instantly locking around his ass, as he lifts me off the counter and starts down the hall. My lips land on his neck (because how can I resist?), and I suck gently as my hands slide over his massive pecs down over his abs, toward his—

“Ah!” I gasp as my back hits the wall.

“You just came in my mouth,” he grunts into my ear as my hands pull at his belt. “And you’re still this horny?”

I can’t answer because his lips land on mine, pushing my head back against the wall, distracting me completely from unbuttoning his pants. I nip at his plump lower lip, and he grunts, taking control of the kiss. My lips part in surprise, and I whimper as his tongue slides over mine. My arm curls around the side of his neck, one of my hands driving into his messy hair. His fingers dig into my ass as he tilts his head to deepen the kiss even more.

He presses forward, pinning me completely to the wall, before his hands let me go. I let out a small scream, tearing my mouth from his, my hands going to his shoulders to keep from falling.

“Namjoon, what are you doing now?”

“Clothes,” he curses.

His fingers curl into the hem of my top, and I jerk as he yanks it over my head, leaving me completely naked.

“Better,” he whispers, his eyes traveling over my exposed skin with awe.

“The bedroom is so close,” I remind him, looping my arms around his neck and teasing the curve of his ear with my tongue.

He grunts and his hands return to my ass, lifting me higher, causing my boobs to bounce. I moan softly when my nipple grazes his lips.

“Bedroom,” he says softly.

“Yeah,” I tilt my head down and kiss the side of his jaw. “The faster the better.”

His soft lips press against my neck, and I quit breathing for a second as he moves us out of the living area. My eyes flutter closed as he begins sucking on my skin. Gently at first and then harder. My hand moves down again, over his chest and abs, zeroing in on his fly. I’m already naked, so my first priority is to even the playing field.

I get his zipper down and his teeth sink into my neck in surprise when my fingers brush against the feverish lump behind it.

“Shit,” he groans. “Let me get to the bed first,” he grunts. “If you keep that up, I’ll drop you.”

“Don’t you dare.”

I try to sound threatening, but it’s hard when his fingers are clenching at my bare ass, holding me tight to his hips, the bulge of his erection grazing against me. Instead it sounds weak and desperate. Which is exactly how I feel right now.

“Mm.”

He moves faster, his lips abandoning my neck as he pushes into the bedroom and throws me on the bed. A small cry leaves my throat, and I whirl around on all fours to look at him.

“What the hell, Namjoon?”

“’Bouta come in my pants,” he swears softly, reaching over his head to pull his shirt off with one hand.

“What?” I blink.

“Nothing,” he says as he swallows, tossing the shirt aside. “Come here.”

He stalks toward the bed, and I scrambled backward.

“Hey, whoa, slow down.”

“Slow down?” He stops at the edge of the mattress and raises a single eyebrow.

A jolt goes through my pussy, and I feel hot all over.

“You were all about going fast two seconds ago,” he says in a low tone.

“Well, yes, but you’re being really…”

“Horny?”

“Aggressive,” I whisper.

Fuck. It’s so hot.

Both his eyebrows rise, and I bite my lip.

“You want me to stop?”

“N-no…” I slide off my side of the bed and walk around the foot.

His eyes follow me, and then his body as he turns to face me when I stop in front of him.

“What are you doing?” He frowns in confusion.

“I just was thinking…” I reach down and unto the button of his pants. “You got dessert on the kitchen counter…”

A throb hits between my legs as I say it, and I clench my thighs together.

“Yeah, so?”

“Well, what about me?” I look up at him as I edge my fingers into the waistband of his pants. “I don’t get some?”

He opens his mouth and I slide my hands into his underwear, my fingertips instantly finding burning, turgid skin.

“Fuck,” he groans, his hands reaching out to grab my wrists. “Hold on.”

“I want to blow you,” I whisper.

“I guessed that.”

His face twists in pain, and for a second, I almost feel guilty.

“Let me sit down first.”

I pull my hands out and wait while he shoves his pants down and off and reaches for his underwear.

“I want to do that,” I pipe up, putting my hand on his shoulder.

“Oh?” His eyes flick up to mine, and I gently push his torso, urging him to sit.

His fine ass lowers to the mattress, and I slide my hands down his chest and abs and over his thighs as I get on my knees in front of him.

I reach for the band of his underwear and tug, squirming as his mammoth cock springs free. He hisses and his hand on the bed fists the sheets.

The longer I look at it the wetter I get. It’s not just big, it’s angry. Red with veins everywhere, the thickest one running up the underside. I swear I can see it throbbing. The head is visibly swollen with precum glistening at the slit. I’m a little surprised his zipper didn’t bust open trying to contain it.

I reach out to touch it, and he tenses.

“I’m not going to bite it,” I mumble.

He makes a low sound, and I put one hand on his thigh as I reach out with my other one and run my fingers from top to bottom.

God, it’s on fire.

The heat of it shoots straight from my fingertips to the aching spot between my legs.

“Ppalli-ga,” he grunts, and I know I have to move faster.

From  how hard he is, I can tell he’s already close. It won’t take much for him to blow.

Moving closer, I bend my head and lick up one side. One of his hands lands on my head, and I immediately repeat the motion. His grip tightens, and I begin licking everywhere. It doesn’t take long before he’s ready. (Not to mention he’s leaking precum like crazy.) When I’m done licking him, I sit back to catch my breath.

Fuck, it’s thick. I always forget how sore my jaw is after I blow him. Probably because I enjoy it so much that I don’t care.

“Goddammit, baby, suck me,” he groans, and I look up to see his head thrown back and the veins in his neck popping.

Wetness floods between my legs, and I gasp, gripping his thigh tighter.

His hips come off the bed, and I jerk back to avoid being smacked in the face with his dick.

“Okay,” I murmur. “I’m starting.”

He nods, or rather, jerks his chin forward, and I lower head, the bulbous tip sliding between my lips.

“Oh my God,” he groans.

I suck slowly at first and then harder as I move up and down. I use my fingers to toy with his balls and to tease the base until I’m ready to take all of it.

I hold my breath as I tilt my head and open my mouth as wide as I can, forcing his massive length between my lips. My jaw pops, and I wince.

His fingers slide into my hair and grip tight as I start to slide up and all the way down again.

“What are you doing?” he grunts suddenly. “Stop. Stop.”

I do but only because he sounds worried.

“I want to do this,” I tell him instantly. “Don’t make me stop now.”

“I’m hurting you. I can feel it,” he murmurs, letting me go.

“Well stop feeling it.” I frown at him, straightening my spine. “All you should feel is orgasmic.”

“Baby–”

“Let me deep throat you, Namjoon. I want to make you feel good.”

He sighs, and I lick the tip of his cock again.

“It does feel good, doesn’t it?”

“Yeah,” he mutters. “It feels fucking amazing.”

“Then don’t stop me, okay?”

“Fine.” He leans back, presenting his big dick to me again. “Go ahead.”

Before he even has the whole word out, I have him in my mouth again. I have to figure out my breathing as I go, making sure to suck deep and not graze him with my teeth. I move faster and suck harder with every entrance, ignoring the way his tip feels ramming into the back of my throat.

He starts swearing softly. And then louder. And then all at once in a mixture of Korean and English. His hand goes back to my hair and holds tight as his hips start bucking into me.

He’s going to come soon. I’m certain of it. Bracing for his load, I continue to suck and lick at his thrusting cock.

Suddenly he pulls out, practically standing as he fists my hair and holds my head still where I can’t get my mouth on him.

“I’m gonna come,” he gasps, his raspy voice sending small vibrations through my whole body.

“Okay, so?” I ask hoarsely. “Let me swallow it.”

“Don’t wanna wait to get hard again,” he explains gruffly. “I want to come inside you but not in your mouth.”

“You have a long refractory period,” I remind him. “You could still fuck me even after I suck you dry.”

“Not this time,” he shakes his head, the veins in his neck still popping. “I’ve been thinking about this all day, and I have things I want to do before I come.”

“Can you last that long?” I ask softly, my eyebrows rising as I glance back at his swollen, wet cock.

I’ve gotten him off enough to know he’s at his absolute limit right now.

“I just need a minute to come down a little,” he says breathlessly. “Then I can keep going.”

“Mmm…okay.”

“Get up on the bed.”

I climb off of my knees slowly, ignoring the tiny bursts of pain in my knees as I crawl onto the mattress. He stands next to the bed, and I watch him inhale and exhale slowly as he regains control over his urge to come.

“Namjoon, if you need to finish, I can–”

“I got it,” he interrupts gruffly. “Lie down on you back for me.”

I blink as he starts to climb on the bed.

“Now, baby. Spread your legs.”

He’s still close, I realize, but he wants to do this anyway, that’s why he’s in such a hurry.

Quickly moving up the bed, I turn onto my back with my head in the pillows like he said. Before I can breathe, he’s on top of me, his giant pecs in my face, his fucking huge biceps on either side of my head.

“You ready for me?” he grunts softly, his fingers dragging through the wet between my legs even as he asks it.

I gasp instead of answering.

“Mm.” He nods, biting his lip. “That’s a yes.”

“Joon…”

“This is going to be rough,” he says quietly. “Can you handle that?”

“Yeah. I can handle—ah!”

My words dissolve into a sharp cry as he suddenly drives into me. My legs lock tight around his hips as I feel it—the fat tip, the thick shaft, his balls against my lips. All of it hot and pulsing and stretching me wide. My pussy squeezes around it, and I hiss his name like a swear word as my back bows off the bed.

“Fuck, your pussy is a miracle,” he groans.

“You’re so thick,” I moan at him. “A little warning next–”

He moves again. Pulling out and thrusting back in. I choke on my sentence and grab onto his broad shoulders. He keeps going, fast, rough just like he said, pounding into me.  One of his hands slides around my thigh under my ass to hold me steady. His other slides inside to the front of my slit, his large thumb zeroing in on my clit which he begins rubbing furiously.

“Namjoon!”

I don’t even feel it building before I’m coming as he continues to growl and jerk against me. I’m not done when he pulls out.

“Wha-what are you–”

“Next position,” he gasps as he grabs my legs and flips me onto my belly.

“I’m still coming, Joon. Wait–”

He doesn’t. Instead, he hooks an arm under my hips and pulls them up, forcing my knees open with his own before he puts a hand on my back and gently pushes my cheek into the pillows.

“Oh God,” I whisper.

His other hand rests on my ass squeezing lightly before I feel him pushing into me again.

“Oh God!”

He slams back into my still-coming pussy, and I whimper into the pillow. It feels so good and so deep—even deeper than before.

“You okay?” he leans over me, his hand coming up to cup my breast. “Too much?”

“Don’t stop,” I murmur. “It’s too good.”

I hear him laugh in surprise, and I feel it in my nipples, which he’s doing a fabulous job toying with. Suddenly, he grabs my whole boob in his hand and starts rutting into me. My knees spread wider on their own and I grab onto the pillow with both hands, my mouth parted in a silent moan.

“Baby?”

“I’m coming,” I hiss. “Again. Harder this time.”

I squeal when he sits up suddenly taking me with him. I’m still full of him, straddling his thighs, which are resting on his heels as he continues to jerk into me, his hands on my chest holding me to him. I grab his wrists with both my hands without thinking. My head falls back on his shoulder, and I press my lips to his neck. My body feels exhausted and overstimulated and like I’ll never stop orgasming.

He grunts sharply, and I feel his hips tense.

“Come with me,” he whispers, his lips landing on my shoulder.

“I can’t,” I choke.

Or I am. I can’t even tell now.

“Just one more,” he bites out. “Now. Now!”

He drives up into me as he comes. My walls spasm at the hot fluid spurting inside me, and I gasp as I another orgasm hits below my belly, racing up my  spine, down my aching legs and up into my nipples. He buries his face in my shoulder, and I struggle to catch my breath as I finally come down. He’s still coming even after I’m finished, probably because he kept bringing himself so close to an orgasm only to delay it again and again. When he finally relaxes, he lifts me off of him slowly, and I lie down on my stomach in the bed next to him.

“I need to clean up,” he says gruffly. “Clean you up too.”

I nod because I’m so exhausted I’m not sure I can speak. When he comes back with a rag, I roll onto my side and wince at the ache in my legs.

“What?” He frowns instantly. “Did I hurt you? I was too rough, wasn’t I? Fuck.”

“No.” I shake my head at him. “I really liked that.”

“Oh…” He blinks. “You did?”

“I came like four times or something,” I remind him. “I definitely liked it.”

“Well…good.”

He runs the rag between my legs and over my thighs, and when he walks away, I grab his pillow and pull it under my cheek.

“Are you going to sleep now?” he asks softly when he comes back.

“Mmm. I don’t know,” I whisper. “I could. You wore me out.”

“I was hoping to watch a little TV first.”

“Okay,” I mumble, “but body is a puddle, so, if we’re going to cuddle, you’re going to have to pick me up.”

He yanks on some sweat pants and climbs in bed beside me.

“I can read if you want to just go to sleep now,” he says quietly.

“Mm.”

“You have to sit up though while I put this shirt on you.”

“Why?” I yawn. “I can sleep naked.”

He clears his throat, and I watch his eyes skim over my body.

“Trust me,” he says hoarsely, “you need to put on this shirt.”

I bite my lip as he reaches over to help me into the oversized FG shirt. I collapse into his pillow again as soon as it’s on, the warm, soft fabric that smells like him making me even sleepier.

“Goodnight, baby,” he murmurs as he reaches over me to grab his book off the nightstand.

“Goodnight, Namjoon.”

My eyes flutter closed as I feel his soft lips press against my temple, and then I fall into a blissful, post-orgasmic sleep.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Translations:

Ppalli-ga - go fast

[junggoku]

Lemon Curls and Latte Art - Ethan Ramsey x f!MC

book: Open Heart

pairing: Ethan Ramsey x f!MC (Nina Valentine)

word count: 6,679

summary: Ethan’s been having a tough time with a case and desperately needs some coffee and time away from the hospital. His small impromptu trip to his favorite coffeeshop may just become more than he expected. (Alternatively: local doctor man goes to get coffee. Gets roasted for 5 minutes straight by cute barista.) A coffeeshop au

A/N: Soooo first and foremost, I’m super excited about this. I’ve been surprised at the lack of coffeeshop au’s in this fandom so I decided to take matters into my own hands. I’d like to give all my love to the wonderful @namkook​ for keeping me sane through this whole project and for helping me every step of the way. I love you and I can’t tell you how much I appreciate you for putting up with my constantly annoying you with this. I typically don’t like my writing, I’m so proud of this one and I hope you guys enjoy it as much as I did when working on it. Without further ado, buckle in and enjoy! She’s a long one wheew

Sometimes it was easier to just drown it all out. The rustling of the nurses as they moved about. The moans and groans of patients as they anxiously waited for their diagnoses. The shrill voices of interns trying to suck up to him to better polish up on their resumes, instead of focusing on their damn jobs.

On that particularly busy afternoon, Dr. Ethan Ramsey felt it was especially crucial that he drown out all the background noises and forget about his surroundings for a moment, if he was going to hang onto his sanity.

He had been pouring over a patient file all morning, having reached an impasse. When something like this happened, it was best for him to go out and clear his head. Sighing heavily, Ethan pushes out of his leather chair, leaving the mountains of scans and paperwork behind him as he closes the door to his office with a resounding thud.  

-----------------

Day 1

The chime of the bell above the door signaled his arrival into Derry Roasters, a soft click of the hinges punctuating through the air as his eyes adjusted to the gentle lighting in the quaint coffee shop.  

The scene was completely opposite the hospital, with almost all of the tables here being empty save for an elderly man in the corner with his book. It seemed the cafe was experiencing a quiet afternoon, soft music playing from the small speakers lodged in the ceilings.

Whenever Ethan was stuck with a case he couldn’t quite figure out, he found himself wandering to the coffeehouse, a humble mom and pop establishment that made decent coffee. It was a step up from the caffeinated dishwater the hospital cafeteria served and he didn’t hate it at the very least. It was also close enough to the hospital that he could get to it by foot, but far enough that none of the gaggle of bright-eyed parrots interns would follow him to kiss his ass.

Crossing the distance of the room up to the front, Ethan stops right before the register. Having seen not one soul behind the counter, his hand found its way to the small silver bell waiting by the tips bucket, ringing it albeit impatiently. There was normally always someone waiting up at the front, the usual barista－a short and kindly old lady, her slightly stout face adding to the welcoming atmosphere－felt it necessary to be present at all times to best serve customers so they did not have to wait long. So much for that. Their service is going to shit.

A bright ding reverberates throughout the shop, ricocheting off the walls. With a purse of his lips, he waits for a few minutes for someone to respond to the bell, the dimple in between his eyebrows growing more prominent the longer time stretches.

About to forgo the coffee and just head back, his ears pick up a foreign sound coming from somewhere. Is that...singing?

Singing was perhaps too generous a term. There was a faint humming emanating from behind the door that led to the back, and his ears tickled as it continued for a few more seconds, before the door swung open and a figure stepped out.

Ethan’s train of thought stutters for a brief second as ice blue eyes meet a warm chocolate brown, wide and doe-like staring up at him in surprise.

She’s new.

Silence envelops the room and Ethan finds himself studying the woman in front of him as he does with everyone, an occupational habit he’s honed over the years.

Long, dark brown hair cascades over her shoulder like a wave, a pair of chocolate brown eyes to match the curtains as they peer up at him, a hint of curiosity in them. The new barista is donning a polo the color of mustard paired with the black apron of the coffeeshop. His eyes glance over the silver name tag that brandishes the name “Nina”. Next to the tag, a small frog pin sits crookedly, the silver lining a bit dim from what he expects comes from overwear.

In his musings, he doesn’t notice the barista, Nina, pursing her lips, “Are you going to order something or are you just gonna stare at me all day?”

Shaken out of his thoughts, he raises a brow at the bland tone of her voice, before deciding to ignore it, “The Vienna.”

Slipping his card from his wallet, he sets it down on the counter as she rings up his order, sliding the piece of plastic back to him once she’s finished.

Wordlessly, he starts moving over to a table nearby when she pipes up, “What? No ‘thank you’?”

He spins around, a brow quirked as he meets her eyes. The slight curl of her lips tells him she’s mocking him and his lack of a response.

“Thank you.” He speaks, voice flat and face unimpressed. Her lips twitch.

“Gee, you’re a real charmer, aren’t you. I do need to know if you want this here or to go,” Eyes lit with mirth, Ethan itches to end this interaction and head back to the hospital. So much for that break.

“To go.”

The smirk doesn’t leave her face as she turns around and gets to work, and Ethan is eternally grateful for the conversation being over.

A few minutes pass by before he hears his name being called. Striding to the pick up station where the barista placed his order of Vienna in a styrofoam cup, her cheeks lifted into a winning smile, one she must use on all her customers.

Ethan picks it up promptly, the desire to get back to work coursing through him strongly the minute he glimpses at her face (his mistake) and finds that she’s still staring at him with a strange amusement lighting her eyes.

“Hope it's to your liking, Dr. Ramsey.”

“How do you know my name?”

Nina raises her brow, and throws a look at the elegant Dr. Ethan Ramsey, etched into the fabric of his white doctor coat, “I’m assuming that’s your name since it says so on your coat. If you were trying to go incognito, maybe lose the coat next time.”

With a wink, the barista spins around and disappears behind the door to the back, not giving him time to answer to her quip. Something pricks at the back of his mind as he watches her go. Casting a quick glance down at his coffee cup, the letters Ethonk are scrawled on the curved surface, and he couldn’t tell if he wanted to laugh or groan. More the latter probably.

Sighing for what was possibly the millionth time today, Ethan tightens his grip on the cup and makes his way out, feeling more annoyed than when he had come. I’m not coming back here.

--------------

Day 2

Why am I here?

He sincerely had no idea why he found himself lingering at the front of Derry Roasters a few weeks later, shoes avoiding the crunch of leaves under his feet as a delicate autumn breeze curls through his hair and rustles the pages of the book he had nestled in his arm.

Ethan had initially planned to not come here again for a long while, having no desire to run into that impudent barista from last time, Nina, her name was.  

Annoying.

Shaking away the thought, he pushed the front door open and strode into the cafe, the click of the latch bolt falling back into its frame announcing his arrival once more. The shop was fairly empty again at this time, being so long after the busy lunch rush hour.  

As usual, Ethan made his way up to the register, but his steps faltered for a half second when he noticed a new addition to the counter by the pick up area: a small potted cactus, its thorny arms appearing almost golden bathed in the gentle autumn light streaming in through the windows.  

A little curious, he continues walking and taps the bell once when he makes it to the front.

Unlike before, the door leading to the back whipped open almost immediately after the ding, and out came the petite barista, long brown hair tied into a loose ponytail today. Small specks of what looks like cream powder dotting her cheek and on the sleeves of her peach-colored blouse, the brunette saunters over and plants herself directly across him.  

Chocolate doe eyes instantly find his blue ones and Nina flashes him an amiable smile. Or it would be amiable if it weren’t for the twinkle of mischief he catches in her gaze. He bites back a mental groan.

Ethan opens his mouth, prepared to just tell her his order quickly so he could leave, when she beats him to it.

“Did you see Henry?” Her voice is a little hushed, conspiratorial. Bemused, his eyebrows furrow in place of a question.

“...Henry?”

The barista nods her head in the direction of the pick up station, eyes darting to the potted plant he saw earlier and back to him, “Henry!”  

He’s not sure how to respond. Nina waits for a few beats before crossing her arms across her chest, ogling him for a reaction, “We just got it yesterday. I thought it’d be nice to spruce up the place,” She leans forward, her apron brushing against the register.

“You don’t feel a connection with it?” She pursed her lips, brown eyes twinkling with mirth. The furrow in his brows deepens, not quite enjoying the way she was eyeing him.    

“Why would I feel any connection to a cactus?”

“Well, you are one emotionally,”

Ethan lets out a short scoff, his expression wholly unimpressed, “We’ve had a grand total of two interactions.”

“And the two were all I needed to know everything,” Nina tosses him a tiny smirk, seemingly relishing in getting under his skin, a frown beginning to mar his features. How tedious.

Sighing deeply and already feeling exhausted, Ethan ignores the quip and barrels forth, “The Vienna.” He tosses his card on the surface of the counter, almost impatient as she gingerly grabs it and rings him up, saying nothing more all the while.

Not giving her an opening, Ethan snatches his card out of her grasp the minute she’s done, and turns around to find an empty table far away from the register.

“I’ll bring it over to you when it’s done,” He hears behind him as he continues moving.

Settling into a table in the back corner of the coffeeshop, Ethan sinks into the leather chair and opens his history book, determined to ignore and forget his interactions with the barista so he can take a break. Why he came back here when he already predicted this happening was beyond him. He won’t repeat the mistake again.

A few minutes later, Ethan feels a presence in front of him and peeks from his book to find Nina placing his cup of Vienna on the table. Turning his attention back to his pages, he reads another line from Robert Service before glancing back up.

She was still standing there. Hands clasped together in front of her chest, Nina was peering down at him, blinking innocently.

“...Is there something wrong?”

“No,” She answers, giving a slight shake of her head in emphasis. She still didn’t move.

“...”

“...”

“...Did you want something?”

Her expression shifts promptly, fixing a saccharine smile his way and a sense of dread creeps up his spine.

“Well you see,” Nina sweeps an arm around the expanse of the room, where only one other patron beside him was sitting in the opposite corner, tapping away on their laptop, “no one’s really here.”

He feels a budding headache pricking, “And what does that have to do with me?” He asks, tone flat.

Her large smile widens a little more, “I’m bored and you’re the most entertaining thing here.”

There’s a brief moment where the two of them did nothing, a staredown ensuing with the only sound coming from the ceiling speakers and the tap, tap, tap of the laptop.

Pressure behind his eyes growing, he brings up a hand to scratch at his stubble. Yes, he really regrets coming here today.

“Well what do you want to do then?” The defeat in his voice is evident as Nina starts shuffling over to the chair opposite him, appearing so pleased with herself Ethan could only breathe out another sigh.

“If it’s cool with you-”

“It’s not,”

“-I’m just gonna hang out here with you,” She plops into the leather recliner and beams at him, eyes scrunching into two crescent moons. Huh. “Besides, I’m doing you a favor really.”

His annoyance fading just a smidge, he eyes her, distrustful. Closing his book with a small thud, Ethan leans back, sinking further into the plush material.

“How on earth is you neglecting your work and bothering me when I’m trying to read you doing me a favor?”

Nina flicks her chin at the cover of his book. The glossy surface catches the warm rays of sunshine drifting in through the windows, the text Comrades!: A History of World Communism almost swallowed whole by the natural light.

“I am doing you a favor,” The steam from the coffee mug wafts up and swirls in the air between them, “I’m sure you’re already busy being a doctor full-time, I’m giving you a chance to take a break from your communist endeavors so you can actually enjoy your down time.”

Seeing no point in disagreeing when she looked determined to stay there, Ethan takes a sip of his Vienna, the liquid still warm and settles pleasantly on his tongue. Over the top of the cup, he catches Nina leaning forward slightly as though waiting for his reaction.

Putting the mug back down, he turns his head to the window, content on ignoring her still and watching the people strolling up and down the street outside.

Her quiet voice breaks him out of his reverie, “What’s it like? Being a doctor?”

At the question, Ethan turns his gaze on the barista, finding her peering at him with a mix of curiosity and...admiration?

He shrugs, “It’s alright.”

“...That’s it?” Her head tilts to the side, eyes widening as she silently urges him to elaborate. He’s not sure why he’s humoring her, but he relents and continues.

“It’s...it gives me opportunities to figure out the mysteries of the human body. To find ways to conquer and defeat the things that defeat us,” He keeps his gaze on her, watching as the brunette follows his every word like he’s telling her some universal truth.

Nina nods, seemingly soaking in his explanation and satisfied with it, “That sounds really cool. You’re like a hero,” She laughs a little, a tenderness in it that confuses Ethan, but he doesn’t say anymore on it. Hardly.

A beat of silence falls over them again. There’s no awkwardness in it though and Ethan’s content to let it stretch on.

“I wanted to be a doctor when I was younger.”

The spell is broken and Ethan’s attention is now directed solely at her, the barista tucking a loose strand of hair behind her ear. When he doesn’t speak, she continues, “Always wanted to help people. It just seemed like the perfect job for me to defend those who were fighting for their lives. For their second chances.”

The small frog pin on her apron gleams as she fidgets, light from outside hitting its metallic surface.

“Why didn’t you?” He finally asks, albeit hesitantly, “Become a doctor.”

A wistful look crosses her face and she smiles, “My brother’s health deteriorated and he  collapsed as I was graduating from high school. Things just never worked out,” Nina pauses and considers the room, Ethan noticing for the first time that the other customer had left, no more tap tap-ing sound to be heard.

“But it’s whatever. I like working here. And at least I get to keep my sleep schedule,” She jokes, eyes landing on him again.

Ethan doesn’t speak for a long moment, holding her gaze. At the lack of reaction, Nina begins to squirm, appearing nervous, but doesn’t prod him.

Finally, he finds his voice, uncharacteristically timid, “This place is lucky to have you.”

A blink and a beat later, and a glowing grin stretches across Nina’s face. She chuckles, a soft pink flush dusting her cheek.

Waiting another beat, Ethan clears his throat and begins to move, grabbing his book and nudging the now-drained cup of Vienna away, “I should head back. I have work. At the hospital.” He holds back a grimace. Moron.

Nina tilts her head, the action releasing a couple of strands to fall from her ponytail, “I would hope so, since you’re wearing your white coat,” She snorts when she sees the unimpressed expression on his face, “Go save lives, Dr. Ramsey.”

With that, the barista turns and heads back to work, humming softly as she goes.        

A feeling he can’t place courses through him, sending a slight shiver up his spine as he steps out into the street. Just a chill. With that, Ethan makes the familiar walk back to Edenbrook, the gentle breeze returning and dances through the soft locks of his hair the whole way.

---------------------

Day 3

“Quit stalling already and drink!”

Grumbling, he lifts the cup to his lips, taking a cautious sip.  

The silence settles throughout the room, and Nina leans forward just a little bit, in an attempt to gauge his reaction. He tries to keep his expression blank.

“...Well?”

“...”

Ethan lets the silence linger for another moment before bringing the cup back to his lips. Slowly, a smile begins to bloom across Nina’s face, bright and smug, “Heh. So what’s the verdict, Doctor?”

He refuses to give her the satisfaction of a reply, instead determined to keep his eyes trained on the inside of his coffee cup. His ears pick up a tinkle of a laugh.

“I told you you’d like it,” The barista giggles, her eyes forming crescent moons, as she attempts to stifle the full force of her laughter. Placing a hand on her hips, Nina gazes at him, her self-satisfied grin making a home on the corner of her lips. Ethan decides, right then and there, that he hates it endlessly.  

He especially hates how that cheeky ass smirk makes her eyes sparkle more.

Releasing a bone-weary sigh, Ethan sets the mug down on the table and leans back in the chair, training ice blue eyes on the brunette across from him, “I tried it. Are you going to tell me what it was now?”

Still beaming, Nina sinks down into the soft leather chair opposite him, hand coming up to tuck a stray lock of dark hair behind her ears. Crossing her legs, she glances down at the drained coffee cup, “Espresso Romano. As you can probably guess, it’s a shot of espresso with a slice of lemon served on the side and rubbed on the rim.”

A soft calming song plays in the background, the notes resonating through the air and floats around them, framing the little pocket of the world they were occupying. Nina looks back up at Ethan, holding his gaze as she continues, “The lemon’s zestiness brightens the drink and cuts off the bitterness. Which, no offense, but that looks like something you could use some help with.”

Biting back a retort on the tip of his tongue, he picks up the discarded lemon curl, long fingers absentmindedly playing with the garnish. The silence settles once more between them as he takes in what she said.

In a voice so quiet he’s hoping she doesn’t pick up on it, the words leave his lips: “It’s decent.”

The crescent moon smile she gifts him with tells him that she heard it loud and clear. He doesn’t say anymore, but he doesn’t need to. She hears the rest of what he left unspoken.

“Such a way with words. You really should’ve been a poet instead of a doctor,” Amusement never leaving her eyes, she leans over to pick up his mug and plucks the lemon peel out of his hands, dark brown hair falling over her shoulder at the movement. Soft afternoon sunlight streams in, bouncing off the tan of her skin and for a brief moment, she looks like she’s glowing. Ethan frowns, averting his attention to the space behind her instead.

Humming quietly, Nina stands up and turns, the soles of her white Converse squeaking in protest. Tossing him one more knowing smirk, she begins her trip back to the register, the arm of his empty cup resting on the crook of her finger. A minute later, she disappears through the door into the back area, the gentle music from the ceiling filling up the room in her stead.  

Ethan releases a breath he didn’t know he’d been holding and glances back out the windows overlooking the street, the faint taste of lemon still sitting on his lips.  

---------------------

Day 4

The coffeeshop feels a bit different in the mornings, fresh dew and the gentle rise of the sun blanketing the room, wrapping it in a peculiar warmth. The lack of customers at this time adds to the ambiance, though Ethan doesn’t pay much mind to any of that at the moment. Instead, his attention is aimed at the disheveled barista in front of him and the mayhem surrounding her.  

The next time Ethan walked through the doors of Derry Roasters a week later, he was met with what he could only describe as chaos. A collection of discarded coffee cups littered the counter and drops of milk and cream dotted the floor all around Nina. The brunette ran a hand through her long hair frustratedly, apron stained with liquids.

A quick explanation told him that she had been attempting to perfect the craft of latte art, though Ethan would argue that you can’t perfect something you didn’t even have the basics for. Recognizing that her skills were abhorrent and wanting to please customers, Nina had made it a habit to arrive at the cafe very early in the mornings, where she could practice in solitude. And that was what he had walked in on when he dropped by, having thought to get coffee before his shift later that day.  

He watches her struggle with the milk for another minute, bumbling around like a newborn, before peeling off his white coat, a strand of hair falling just over his eyes at the motion. Nina turns at the rustle beside her and is greeted with Ethan’s tall figure peering down at her handiwork.

Startled, she takes a half step back, eyes wide in surprise, “What...are you doing?”

In place of a response, he rolls up the sleeves of his button down shirt and helps himself to one of the aprons hanging on the coat rack by the back area.

“Watching you spill milk on yourself like an infant is getting painful. I used to work as a barista through undergrad so I remember some things...” He pauses, gazing inside one particular mug that was housing what resembled more creamy vomit than coffee, “...though I’m skeptical if it could even help you at this point.”

The flat tone of his voice must have irritated her, as she shoots him a mild glare, a cool determination flashing in her eyes, “That sounds like a challenge, Doctor.”

“It definitely will be.”  

A couple hours later, the work area resembles a battlefield, thermometer and portafilters thrown haphazardly all over the counter, milk and coffee powder strewn across its surface in reckless abandon.

Ethan shakes his head, arms crossed over his chest and focused intensely on the mess she’s making, “You’re not doing it right.”

Nina groans, the sound tickling his ear. Her grip on the pitcher slackens which promptly spills more of its milky contents all over the counter.  

“I’m doing it exactly as you said. You just suck at teaching,” She mumbles, tsk-ing a little at the new addition blooming on her apron. Taking in the growing clutter decorating the counter, Nina lets out a sigh before turning to Ethan, “This feels hopeless.”

“Giving up already, rookie?” He quirks up an eyebrow, a corner of his lips twitching.

She stops and blinks at the nickname, but doesn’t comment on it further, “No!...Just. Ugggh,” With a loud whine that sounds awfully like a puppy’s, Nina sets the pitcher down, knocking it into the thermometer that was sitting nearby. Placing a hand on the surface of the counter, Nina leans into it, sagging with disappointment. The chagrin expression on her face so directly contrasted her usual bright grin that it makes his chest throb strangely.

Clearing his throat, Ethan glances back down at the mugs, highlighting all her failed attempts. Despite the mess, he could still see her progress, the more recent works showing slight improvements.

With a flick of his fingers, he starts selecting some of the cups out of the batch, “These aren’t too bad. The shape is starting to take place.”

Not looking entirely convinced, Nina skeptically eyes the attempts he singled out.

“You sure?” She points to one, “This one looks like a bad rendition of the Scream.”

Gently, Ethan nudges the pitcher and the thermometer towards her, voice quiet but firm, “It’s an upgrade from the foamy blob you made earlier. You’re getting there. You just need to keep working on your technique.”

Releasing a sigh, Nina relents and pours more milk into the pitcher, readying for another round.

Delicate sunshine slants through the windows and catches on the tips of her hair as she bends forward, eyes narrowed at the face of the thermometer. Ethan keeps a watchful eye on her movements, leaning towards her a fraction more.

Despite the intensity coming off of Nina as she tackles the task, Ethan feels curiously light, as though the usual restlessness humming under his skin was dimmed. Hovering a little closer, the weak scent of apples from Nina’s hair tickles his nose, as she turns to heat the milk. Grabbing the steam wand, she inserts it into the liquid and turns it on, the thermometer clinking onto the side of the pitcher.  

When she gets to the part of pouring the milk into the coffee, the hand holding the steamed milk trembles slightly as she tips the wide-mouthed cup of the espresso forward in her non-dominant hand. Stepping ever closer and settling right behind her, Ethan leans his head down until it practically rests on her shoulder, her back to his chest, and brings a hand forward to steady her grip.

At the contact, the warmth of her skin spreads through his fingers, scalding in a way that wasn’t entirely unpleasant.

This close to her he can hear the intake of breath, the slight shudder in her voice as she continues, concentrating on the feeling of his hand and the milk as it spills into the espresso.

Morning light grows warmer as the sun rises up higher in the sky, and Ethan loses track of time as he watches Nina pour the foam, successfully forming an asymmetrical flower. The minute she finishes with the last drop, the barista sets the pitcher down, staring wide eyed at her work.

Turning her head slowly, she fixes her stare on him, a look of utter disbelief on her face, “...I did it.”

Ethan’s lips quirk and he nods once, “You did.”

There’s a pause as it sinks in.

“...Oh my god! I did it!” Elated, Nina leaps towards Ethan, throwing her arms around him in a bone-crushing hug.

“Oof,” He braces himself at the force of her knocking into him. Letting out a snort, Ethan finds himself chuckling at the brunette’s joy, a small feeling of pride spreading through his chest, having spent all day trying to get to this point.

The moment lingers, Nina’s arms still wrapped around Ethan’s broader frame, the thumping of her heart beating against his rib cage. In a tiny, slightly muffled voice, “Thank you.”

Tilting her head up at him, she awards him with a gentle smile, the softness of her face accentuated by the tender curl of her lips, “Seriously. It was thanks to your help today. Guess you really are a good teacher,” Nina quips, a levity about her now that made it difficult for him to look away.

Ethan smirks, “Of course I am. I’m good at everything.”

The barista rolls her eyes all the way up to the ceiling, “Glad to see you’ve got a strong ego.”

“Was it not earned?”

“...Okay yes, but it doesn’t mean you have to be annoying about it,” She grumbles, lips forming a pout.

It takes Ethan another minute to realize that neither of them had moved, the both of them still wrapped around each other. The warmth of her skin bleeding through his shirt, the faint apple scent of her hair tickling his nose once more and he unconsciously leans down.

Nina’s eyelids flutter as she moves towards him, and soon he’s close enough that he can count every speck of caramel in the brown pools of her eyes. The pink of her lips. The small shudder of her breath. Every second that ticks by is another he’s falling...Wait, what?

Ethan jolts, his thoughts crashing to a stop, his entire body tensing. Sensing the change of mood, Nina halts as well, pulling back slightly to look at him, brows furrowed in concern, “Are you alright, Ethan?”

No. He doesn’t respond as he starts extricating himself from her grasp, peeling away from her. The groove in between her eyebrows deepen as Ethan hurries to place some distance between them.

There’s another moment of silence that blankets over them, but this one is different. It’s tense, making Ethan’s gut churn a little.

“...Did I...is something wrong?”

Unable to meet her eyes, he holds back a grimace, hearing a tremble of hurt in her voice as she asks. He stays silent for another beat before glancing in her direction, not meeting her gaze, “No, it’s just. It’s...I gotta go. My shift starts soon.”

Not waiting for a reply, Ethan yanks off his apron, roughly throwing back onto the rack before hastily grabbing his white coat and rushing out the door, never once turning back to look at the barista, whose eyes never left his back as he briskly walked off back to the hospital.      

-------------------

Day 5

“You’re still here, Ethan?”

At the sound of the voice, Ethan looks up from a patient’s x-rays he’d been examining, finding his colleague, Dr. Baz Mirani, standing in the doorway of his office.

Throwing a quick glance at the wall clock, it read 11:54 p.m.

Damn. It’s this late already? He’d completely lost track of time.

Rubbing a tired hand over his chin, Ethan releases a sigh before packing up his things, and leaving his office for the night, brushing past Baz on the way out. He wasn’t going to be able to do much more tonight.

A full effect of autumn had taken root and blanketed across the town in the past month. Stepping out in the night, Ethan lifted up his face, the scent of the fall leaves and cool evening air caressing the tip of his nose. As he moved closer to his car, a restlessness buzzed under his skin and he was unable to shake it no matter how much he tried.

He’d been feeling this way for about a month now. Ever since then.

A flicker of brown eyes and soft smiles crosses his mind and a gnawing apprehension sits in his throat, one that feels suspiciously like guilt. Guilt and...something else Ethan doesn’t want to define yet.

Sighing once more into the autumn night, he reaches his car door, ready to go home to his bottle of scotch waiting for him. The feeling continues to nip at him though, and he pauses when reaching for the handle of his car, the weight in his backpocket feeling much, much heavier.  

Maybe...He suddenly...felt an urge for some coffee.

Before he could talk himself out of it (this is a bad idea), he leaves behind his car and takes off in the direction of the coffeeshop, his footsteps slow and effortful.

The lights are still on when he reaches Derry Roasters, the blinds of the windows all pulled down save for two that overlook the counter. His eyes immediately land on the barista, sweeping away at the floor on the other side of the register, expression tight and disappointed.

The guilt started to creep back in at the look on her face.

This really was a bad idea. He wasn’t sure if he was ready to talk to her yet, after his abrupt exit last time. He wasn’t sure if he’d ever be ready, but he certainly wasn’t today.

Backtracking, Ethan began turning back in the direction from which he came, but the movement catches her eye and right away, Nina glances up, brown eyes connecting with blue ones. Ah shit.

Seeing him, the barista’s expression tightens a fraction more, a cool gleam flashing across her eyes, and she frowns before beckoning him to come in with a quick nod of her head.

A weary sigh leaves his lips as Ethan ambles over, the ding of the bell ringing out like it was announcing his execution. The minute he walks in, Nina folds her arms across her chest, still wearing her black apron over the pale blue sweater she donned today.

“Did you need something?” She asks after a long, tense moment.

He doesn’t reply, the lump in his throat growing as he hears the familiar line, ones uttered by him not too long ago. The circumstances in which they were said so different.  

She presses forward when he doesn’t speak, “You haven't been around much lately.” It sounds a little like an accusation.

“My coffee machine’s working again. So I didn’t really need to come here anymore,” He tries to hold back a grimace at how calloused he sounds.

Nina’s frown morphs into a glare and Ethan’s sure he’d rather be toughing it out in the Amazon right now than having to be the object of this woman’s current woe and ire. He’d rather be anywhere else.

He regrettably continues to dig his own grave, “There wasn’t much else this place could offer since I could just get coffee from my office now,” Why the fuck-  

“Well sorry I don’t have much to offer a world renown doctor,” A tinge of bitterness laced in her tone and he holds back a wince.

It was strange how easy it was for him to deal with the people at the hospital, never finding any need to mince words with idiots with fat pockets, and vultures trying to increase their profits at the expense of others. With his patients, always doing his best to be honest with them as they faced their own battles everyday, fighting for their lives. But here, in front of this woman who miffed him and intrigued him to no end, Ethan always found himself hesitating and clumsy with his words.

He stays quiet for too long and his silence, his lack of anything annoys her.

“You really are a cactus,” Nina mumbles, tightening her grip on the broom, keeping her eyes trained to the ground.

Taking a steadying breath, the barista glares pointedly at the crack in the floor before speaking up again, “You’re always like this, you know. I’ve talked to you like five times, and even I can tell you what you’re like.”

He doesn’t speak, the tension in the air making it difficult for him to cut through, his throat closing.

Nina holds up her hand, dainty fingers curled into a fist before she begins counting, “You always have to be sarcastic or ironic about something,” She lifts up a finger, “You’re always grumpy and kind of an asshole,” She puts up another finger, “You’re so closed off it’s sometimes so hard to talk to you because I have no idea what you’re thinking,” She pauses, ticking off another finger as the edge of her glare starts to fade, “...You never say what you mean. You’re so emotionally constipated and you make a habit of running away. You can’t just admit you like something and you always have to find a roundabout way to-”

During her tirade, Ethan had inched closer to her, slipping out what he had hidden in his back pocket. In one swift motion, he presents it to her, shoving it right under her nose and effectively cutting her off mid-rant.

Nina blinks, staring down at the trinket. A small frog keychain sits in the palm of his hand, the plush material appearing velvety under the beam of the ceiling light.  

“...What?”

His other hand reaches up to scratch the back of his neck as she peers up at him, wide-eyed and confused at the gesture, “I saw it a while ago. I don’t know why I thought of you but I bought it.” He nods at the pin clipped dutifully on her apron, right next to her name tag.

A long stretch of silence envelopes them and Ethan’s not sure what to classify this one. It didn’t feel comfortable nor was it tense like before. The brunette continued to stare at the item in his hand before gingerly, almost shyly taking it into her hands, rolling it a bit between her fingers.

After another long moment, she speaks up, “My brother...always liked frogs,” Voice airy, she keeps her eyes on the plush and continues, “He got sick a lot, and they always made him feel better. So I would always be wearing them and bringing them to him whenever he got sick again.” Nina glances up at him finally and he notices her eyes glistening with emotion.

“He’s alright now, but I guess old habits die hard. I’ve grown attached to frogs myself,” She chuckles.

Ethan watches her, blue eyes lingering on her frame before finding his voice again, “I’m glad your brother is fine now. You’re a wonderful sister.”

Nina remains quiet, eyes still fixed on the gift and Ethan’s not sure why he feels the need to keep going, “I found it in the gift shop at the hospital.”

There’s another pause as Nina freezes again. As the seconds stretch on, Ethan’s worried he overstepped. Maybe don’t tell her that. Preparing to backtrack and excuse himself from this scenario, he readies an apology on his lips, when he’s interrupted by the sound of a snort.          

She’s...laughing?

Bemusement takes over his face as he blinks, watching as the barista starts curling over, laugh growing in intensity and volume. One peek at his face and she’s launched into another fit.  

Nina continues to laugh, her body shaking as the amusement runs through her small frame. Ethan stands there silently, not sure what he should be doing as the barista keeps giggling, hand clutching the keychain tight in her grip.

Finally, after what feels like ages, Nina’s laughter subsides, fixing her posture and settling her gaze on him, something that Ethan can’t define sparkling in her eyes.

A fond sigh leaves her lips as she regards him, “You make it hard to stay mad,” She lets out, voice delicate like a whisper.  

Nina links her hands behind her back, expression happy and radiant, and he can’t seem to tear his eyes away from her. In his daze, he doesn’t notice her moving, approaching quicker than he has time to form a coherent thought.

Nina practically skips towards him, closing the distance between them. Ethan almost reflexively took a step back, the sudden proximity shocking him speechless as he catches the caramel flecks in her eyes, sparkling and utterly captivating.

“So,” Drawing out the one syllable, Nina’s eyes crinkle into those familiar crescent moons, as she lifts herself up on her tiptoes and leans towards him, noses almost touching. Ethan finds himself rooted to the spot, completely at a loss before her as her eyes reflect like stars.  

“Are you gonna ask me on a date or what?”  

Fin.

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