#I’m just venting rn but I just have almost no energy to post things | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

angelaiswriting · 3 years

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It’s nostalgic bitch hours 🥰😂 under the cut because I might decide to delete this post one day lol

Idk if there’s any Italian around, but back in the 2010s we used to have this sort of Facebook world we called ‘the fake’. I accidentally logged into it this morning and boy, the wave of nostalgia that hit me... :’)

We shared the fics we were writing and posting online (EFP, the memories :’) and we made friends on there. We posted so much bs, but it was also a great outlet when we needed to vent. I was 15 when I joined in 2012, and I was still friends with my then best friend and it was the peak of our 1D phase and I thought we’d be friends forever and we had so many issues with teachers in high school and bs we didn’t like. It was the age of long ass phone calls locked in the bathroom and the tightness of the friendship was established according to what business you did on the toilet while on that phone call—I remember her saying “I’m pooping rn, I guess this is what real friendship is like lol.” She ended up hurting me deep inside and I already had trust issues, but she made them worse. But back then it felt so good, and even now I look back at it and I can’t but smile because damn. It truly must be friendship when you’re not embarrassed of the person on the other end of the line hearing you taking a shit 😂

But now I logged back in that account and I read some of the posts on my feed and despite the fact that many changed their names and I don’t know who the hell they are anymore, I was suddenly brought back to this part of my teenage years and I’m so fucking nostalgic it shouldn’t even be this funny :’)

I remember being that age and feeling like that age would never end, that I’d forever be 16 and I’d forever have those friends and I’d forever be writing fanfic (I still am, I’m just not writing in the same language anymore). And although I’ve always found Facebook to be a toxic place, that ‘fake’ was such a safe haven—and while I’ve never been afraid or embarrassed of posting shit on my tumblr, it’s not exactly the same feeling somehow, is it? And although I’m glad I’ve grown—and outgrown some people and situations and social media places, apparently—and that I’m doing my thing now and I’ve realized what friendships are and I have some great friends now, I’m glad I had that phase growing up. And it’s a pity I had almost completely forgotten about that :’) but I guess that’s what good accidents are for, sometimes.

Now I’m still writing fanfiction—on a different site than when I was in high school. And I’m still posting in the same kind of community—although it’s also completely different from the one I had back then, at the same time. And I still feel like I’ll be in my 20s forever and that I’ll go nowhere and that the problems I have now are the worst I’ve ever had. (You never truly change, I guess 😂). But it’s so weird to think that one day, ten years from now, I’ll be looking back at all this and I’ll be like. Damn. I truly was young, and look at the way I’ve come, at the people I’ve met, the things I’ve done.

2020 and 2021 have been weird years. I’ve been fighting with my mind a lot and I’ve also been silent a lot because I feel like I don’t have the energy for many of the things I used to do before (being social included, and I feel I’ve ruined some friendships because of the disconnect between what I want to do and what I’m actually able to do). But I sure do hope that I’ll manage to carry some of the friendships I have now into my future :’) now I’m alone looking back at how my ex bff and I used to write fanfic and all that happened back then, but hopefully this time I’ll have some of y’all to do this with :’)

#the things that hit you on a bright sunday morning. go figure 🥲😂#bookmarking #bc im sure ill want to look back at this one day and remember the stuff ive done. bc not all memories are good but theyre still memories #and its nice to see how much ive grown and how things have changed #nostalgic bitch hours babyyy

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evans-heaven · 4 years

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I'm just....so tired lmao

(If rants aren't your thing then just scroll on by and continue w your life thanks cause this is exactly what that is)

I'm writing this at 2 AM so if it doesn't make sense please forgive me lmao

This isn't a post calling anyone out who simply thinks it may be PR. And this absolutely isn't a post calling out anyone who thinks it may be real. But, after the level of dissection and over analyzing I've been seeing, I figured it was time to open my mouth. Or rather, a new text post lmfao. I'm not saying anything I state here is right or fact, I just have as much of a right as anyone else to state my full on opinion (and it well remain clear that it is an opinion).

It's honestly amazing to me the way a fandom can be *so* divided by some photos. And by amazing I mean completely unsurprising. I've been down this road. Twice in the same fandom. The second time was enough to make me leave. I know how "fake" relationships, or simply paparazzi photos, can cause differing opinions to flood tumblr.

But honestly? With the way some of y'all are reacting to Chris and Lily? Over photos in a park? It almost scares me thinking of the wildfire that would've started if they were anywhere near Shawn and Camila's level. Honestly....yikes 😅

Anyway. Hate to break it to y'all, but we aren't on Chris' team. We don't work for Dailymail or backgrid and we weren't called to hide behind a bush and take some photos. We're outsiders, looking through a phone screen and drawing our own conclusions. Which is fine. But it becomes a problem (for me at least) when those conclusions are stated in a very factual way.

I don't see why backs need to be broken looking at every detail in those photos through a damn microscope. He's wearing a Patriots bandana? Cool. He pulled it down to eat icecream? Well...yeah, otherwise he would've ended up w a pretty dirty bandana. Hes laughing and smiling and laying on the grass with his potential girlfriend? What's the big fucking deal? Why are these simple ass things being picked apart? Why are y'all trying to prove something when we have little to no facts?

This is how I feel: Is it fake? It has the makings of it. Do I want to believe it's real? I already partially do. I'm not jumping through hoops wondering what this potential PR stunt could be for and why it could be happening. I saw those photos and took them for what they were. Two people who seem to be a couple taking a walk and having some ice cream. I didn't dissect their body language like a fucking dead frog. I'm mot looking at that fucking bright ass smile and calling it fake. They look ridiculously happy and cute together because what can you expect when you have two of the sweetest angels in the world in a photo??? I MEAN lmao

Yes, I talked to some people about the possibility of it being PR, as I said I do believe it has the makings of it. But I didn't immediately jump on that bandwagon. Why? Because I don't know shit. And I don't know Chris. And that should be something y'all admit instead of the overdone theorizing.

But, I'm not claiming to be better than anyone bc I understand this. No one who does should. Honestly, considering a few years ago on tumblr, I definitely felt like i knew shit. Like I knew Shawn. And, I didn't. So that current nasty ass PR stunt sank in easier than it did the first time bc I realized, favorite celeb or not, no one is above the industry standards and norms. It doesn't change who they really are, but it can change who we made them out to be. Granted this really is PR, of course. But reverting to this being what it seems on a surface level, without the psycho analyzing, well still don't fucking know. I think that's the only thing I'll admit I (and other people I'm sure) know to be a fact about this whole thing.

Please know I don't want drama, theres enough of that in the fandom rn. I'm just venting my frustrations and feelings on my blog and I'm not asking anyone to agree with me. I just wanna offer a new perspective (okay I got a lil snarky but can u blame me lmao) on what's happening. Sometimes, you just need to take things as they are and admit you're on the outside.

P.S. I'm not really in his fandom, but I think this can apply for Sebastian as well. If we're talking the PR speculation. But! If you insist on ripping into Chris, maybe keep the same energy for Seb bc these situations are very similar lmao.

#chris evans #lily james

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ambersky0319 · 4 years

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Note for this post: Poorly just stating my feelings about this, feel free to disagree but I'm not here to argue about anything in this post. Just really needed to get my thoughts out :/ I'll try to be open to discussion but this is really more of a vent post so it's not guaranteed that I'll reply, running really low on energy lately

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Is it just me? Who doesn't care all that much that Thomas is gonna focus on the next sides episode?

Don't get me wrong, I'm probably gonna be happy when it comes out. But I'm sorta worried that, , , it's not gonna be... Great? Like, obviously it's gonna be visually great bc of how much time it's taken to produce, how much effort is being put into it, etc. But that's just the thing that's getting me worried.

It's taken this long, and what if things aren't gonna be as good as anyone hoped? Like, what if it's not really story-driven, and the only thing that's taken so long is the fact they wanted to include so much animation and/or special effects? Or just.... Fjnhdgftwygjfjgj

Idk

Really difficult for me to get my thoughts together rn and I've no idea why but... Yeah

I guess my fear is that they got lost in all the added affects of the episode or something.

Done right, the video could be absolutely fantastic and it won't suffer one bit. Everything will seem really, really well done.

Done wrong, and the episode could end up feeling like overkill and just be kinda boring to watch

Then again, this is also coming from someone who mainly watches GrayStillPlays, Buzzfeed Unsolved, and The Try Guys so what would I know, right? Plus, Thomas and Co. can't please everybody, and maybe this will just be one of those episodes that I've gotta skip(I literally could not watch Embarrassing Phases)

But yeah, sorry I'm awful at explaining my feelings/opinions- don't really do this often, do I?

Am I alone in not feeling excited? Like, just feel kinda meh about this?

Probably not but I honestly doubt anyone else will actually say they're excited or not bc of the way the fandom's been lately

WHICH REMINDS ME OF SOMETHING ELSE ID LOVE TO VENT ABOUT-

Listen

I love this fandom. It's great, for the most part. Relatively kind individuals, and awesome creators who make just fantastic things

But like, why is it so hard to share an opinion? Or like stuff that's not in the majority's favor?

I've met a multitude of people who are scared to share their unpopular opinions simply because they're unpopular opinions. And it's like, they have to try so much harder to defend their opinion or like, idk, sometimes when people in this fandom don't share the same opinion, the unpopular one always feels like it's being mildly tolerated

Or like, the majority claims they're willing to listen but it feels like they're just brushing it off instead of anyone having a genuine discussion? Maybe? Idk- again difficult for me to get my thoughts organized and actually typed

Good example is how people have been frustrated about the almost 1 year wait for this upcoming episode. Not gonna dive into that bc that's a whole other can of worms that I'm pretty tired of talking about, but it's a good example of people trying to share their opinion on something and then needing to like, fiercely defend their opinion

Anywho

If you read this far

Wow

Can't believe you have the patience to read through my bullshit and unorganized/poorly explained thoughts

Hope your day/night is going well and that you see like, a cute animal pic or something soon

#ts discourse #fandom critism #discourse #(gonna use all three just in case)#amber's shit you can ignore #ambersky vents

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bucketofchum · 3 years

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I'm gonna post some negativity vent stuff under the cut that I reflected on last night. I don't need a response or anything - it's just for me to have here

I’ve been yoyo-ing between extremely deeply depressed and like cheerfully blissful these past couple weeks

I know why I’m super depressed but there is nothing I can do about it and every time I think about it I just get really sad

On the other hand, I know why I’m super stressed and it’s a shitton of other things that I can also name. and then the things that make me really happy are also things I can name. It’s just like thinking about each of these specific things immediately recalls that feeling, and it just happens that for the moment, a lot of it is negative

That said, the weather helps a lot because even though I’m really severely stressed and depressed rn, when I look outside and the sky is stunningly blue and the grass and trees are strikingly green, I can’t help but feel happy seeing how beautiful it is outside. Anyhow I’m just a sad sad lonely skressed person rn.

It’s the sort of thing like I can really appreciate the role everyone else plays in my life but there’s The One Person™️ whom I want in my life that I just can’t have and if I’m being honest they’ve definitely brought more grief in my life than happiness over the past few years but they still mean more to me than almost anyone else and ehhh

It’s like the wanting the one thing you can’t have type of deal I guess. There’s just this enormous hole in my heart that’s carved out in the shape of them and that’s my problem not theirs

I’ve got so many stressful things going on in my life regarding work and the government and my physical health and stuff and I just want someone to come back home to as like my grounding point. And for me, that was this person. But while they were like a home for me, over the past few years, they have been drifting further and further away. Not deliberately so, but also they have made absolutely no effort to be more present.

I’ve expressed my feelings of them being less and less present and they just respond with a sort of “sorry you feel that way” and then continue with their absentee behaviour. or with “I’m forgetful! You have to remind me!” So I do. I do remind them. Repeatedly. And then they ignore my reminders. “I’m sorry you feel like that. I don’t mean to make you feel like that. I just always forget.” Okay, so tell me what I need to do then!!

Over the past few years, the amount of work I put into this has increased and increased and theirs has proportionally decreased. I need more and they are giving less.

Several weeks ago (2? 3?) I asked them what they would suggest as a solution since I have been the only one spending months and months making suggestions that are amenable to them and their schedule and their life. I always drop everything for them and I know they always tell me that they don’t make me do that, but I want them in my life and if I don’t make the time for them, I know they will never make the time for me. So I had been thinking of solutions and working harder and harder to make it work.

And it was clear that anything coming from me, as much as I tried to always make it suitable for them - as little work on their part and me doing most of the work - it was still not working out. All I needed was their 1% and I would provide the other 99% but they wouldn’t even give me that 1%.

So I asked them for their suggestion - what do you think we should do? What can I do?

And their answer was to stop talking.

That’s the last thing I wanted, because I was working so hard just to keep them in my life. But that’s the solution they gave.

So I said okay. I don’t want this but I want to try. I’m willing to try anything honestly. And idk maybe it can be healthier, for you and for me. I might not want it, but maybe it’ll be good for me?

It’s been weeks now and I don’t feel better about it. I still feel the deep unsatisfied pit of loneliness. It’s not much different than when they were around tbh because they were so absent, but there’s something even sadder about knowing that I can’t even talk to them even if it’s one sided now.

I’m just so fucking sad and lonely.

I feel like they were my home and even though they were never all that present for me, at least they were there. And now they aren’t even there in the smallest capacity. I don’t feel better. I know I have other things to stress out about in my life so I shouldn’t be wasting energy on this, and trust me I know and I’ve tried to not think about it or feel about it. But I do. And it’s just this gut wrenching soul crushing loneliness and misery. I am so fucking lonely.

All I have rn are the little things that make me smile that get me though day to day. And the immediately stressful things like work, my ID, the shit with the jury, changing deadlines, art, etc. It’s the patchwork of stuff that’s like pebbles and stones tossed haphazardly on wet cement in a halfhearted effort to make a cobblestone road, but the cement, the foundation, is my misery and lonely depression.

Things like my funny Chinese colleague and my weekend art friends and the nice weather get me through the days and weeks. Things like my thesis, my two articles, and the stressful bureaucracy give me drive and force me to move forward.

But what do I come back to at the end of the day? Nothing. It’s just me and that gaping hole in my heart.

#vent #negativity

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nyrator · 3 years

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another long vent post about depression/anxiety

extremely depressed tonight

first made the mistake of driving myself to the grocery store at 6pm, first I had to try scraping the ice off the windshield with nothing but a broom and bare hands, then driving itself was nightmareish, the car feels like a death trap to me, very loose and sloppy compared to my last car, so loud and uncomfortable with no audible music to calm my nerves. My eyes have worsened to the point where I can’t see anything at night- glare takes up my whole vision, even with anti-glare shades. I was driving well below the speed limit the entire time and still almost hit three pedestrians who were all recklessly out on the roads in all black for whatever reason. My nerves are completely shot from it, my chest feels like I’m in a vice and can’t breathe, my eyes are wide open and hunched over the steering wheel, and my body feels both like I’m about to wet myself at any moment and that I’m too stiff/tense/frozen to function as a human at all, it’s that fight-or-flight response at its extreme. Meanwhile, my skin must be weak- my knuckles bleed when driving, and my wrists bled just from carrying in bags of groceries.

then getting home and just dealing with personal drama of someone I know who is so depressed and self destructive and too smart to reason with, who refuses/is unable to seek professional help, who just doesn’t understand or just can’t help venting to me nonstop, no matter how much I beg them not to over and over- their life is so terrible that suicide seems like the only option to them, and I don’t want them to do so, but I can’t keep suffering like this either and I feel like the only thing preventing them from doing so, as poor a job as I do as a human being anyway. But I can’t help them if they can’t help themselves, even if they were just ate a bit better, or just had a journal or someone anonymous they could talk to, but it seems inescapable and impossible to change anything and all we do is argue over it until I snap at them to leave me alone. That person is probably reading this right now and probably hating it, but I doubt anyone on this site even knows who they are.

Tuesday morning, I couldn’t sleep at all from anxiety- it was so severe and inescapable, I laid in bed for four hours feeling like I was dying until I was finally able to sleep for two hours. I can’t seem to stay asleep longer than two hours anymore. Was supposed to hang out with friends that day, but between lack of sleep, depression, and my absolute terror at driving in a snowstorm, I ended up just staying home.

Anxiety has gotten so bad again. I know a lot of how the mechanics work behind it, I know a lot of pains are from tension and lack of breathing. But my old coping mechanisms don’t work anymore. I can focus on breathing for several minutes straight and then fall right back into suffocating. Music, counting things, meditating, none of it helps anymore.

One way to describe the feeling of anxiety- it’s kind of like when you fall asleep on your arm, and you feel all the blood rushing back into it and that tingling sensation. Imagine that, maybe a bit less, but throughout your entire body (especially chest), your body is stiff and not numb, and your entire body is vibrating or shivering/shaking or something.

I still spend 16+ hours laying in bed every single day. When I got home from shopping, the walking around (and the stress of driving) was enough to send me straight to bed, I was so tired and weak. It’s probably why I don’t sleep properly, I’m half awake in bed all the time, what need is there for sleep

I have mail I haven’t opened, taxes I still have to do, messes to clean, and don’t care for any of it. Can’t even talk about some things I’ve been doing to myself out of spite or general depression, the way I’ve been abusing. I promise to try not to do anything too crazy or directly harmful, but even then I worry about slipping up- I tried one thing I shouldn’t talk about, which wasn’t too serious, but still seriously concerning how easy it was to try doing

still haven’t contacted a therapist, my fear of calling someone is so strong I can’t overcome it, especially not after just waking up. Talked to some friends, some agree that I should, at least one thinks it’s a waste of time and money- up to $125 per session to just get a glorified phone call thanks to covid restrictions. I just don’t see the point if I’m still stuck in my apartment at my computer, especially if I have an internet addiction already.

The lack of doing anything is driving me insane, I think. I’ve played four single player games in 2020- ACNH, KH MoM, Panel de Pon, and Picross. In terms of things watched on my own, probably just Japan Sinks and whatever else was on Netflix the few months I had it. Don’t feel motivated to play or watch anything anymore, nothing seems interesting, and mostly just do things with friends if at all

Even ACNH, the game I play the most, I barely do anything in it- mostly just get new items from stores, that’s it. My island decorating has come to a hard halt, mostly because I barely have any furniture I’d like to embellish it with, and mainly because I have no ideas to layout most of it

I want to create, but don’t have the energy to make anything at all. Rotten Nyan is still my current goal, but anxiety has made it next to impossible to work on. I’ve tried several times the past few weeks, all met with failure- the anxiety’s too much, half the time I don’t even know what’s causing it, but my body just gets too tense and cramped without even doing anything, and I just can’t breathe at all while working on it.

Thought about making an omake comic for it, then realized what a terrible idea it was, and how hard it is to draw comics in general. Or anything in general. Wrote down the entire comic while laying in bed one day, went to draw it, was unable to, tried making it a yonkoma, gave up, and felt sick thinking of all the gross things in it that I just made a vent description of Middle Lave and just posted that to the RN tumblr instead.

I can’t think of any ideas, I feel like my art has regressed- I’ve taken more shortcuts for the sake of my hands tensing so fast from anxiety, and I’ve gotten decent at drawing middle Lave I feel, but anything besides a character standing is impossible for me- any environments or character interactions that I’d love to do just feel impossible, let alone my inability to write good ones. Anything I try to think of writing-wise always ends up the same gross content that burned into my memories that I just can’t feel comfortable talking about much at all, nor do I think it’s content people want to see at all.

There’s a lot of detailed kind of art I’d like to do. I kind of want to loosen my restrictions on myself and just draw whatever suffering I feel like, maybe once I use the RN twitter more I might get a little more courage to do so. I see many artists draw detailed scenes in single images, and no matter how hard I try, I just can’t capture that feeling.

Part of me feels torn about it being an autobiography for people to relate to, and being a suffering experience for people to find some weird enjoyment out of. I feel like I’ve lost sight of what it was originally meant to be and now just enjoy “bullying” Middle Lave half the time I guess, but unfortunately for me, bullying makes me feel like vomiting and is hard to draw consistently- maybe I’m too nice. I don’t know, I’m just rambling at this point. The comic is still laid out and just meant to explore the life of Lave, but it’s just so hard to work on.

In terms of other things, I have no idea what to do

Vtuber/streaming? Hate my voice, can’t focus on learning what I need for it in terms of rigging and texturing models. I only know the basics of making 3D things and nothing else.

Console art? I already designed all the ones I’m mainly interested in, but like I mentioned before, can’t think of any character interactions at all that I feel like drawing.

Making a game? I know 2k3 well enough to make anything in it event-wise, though never got over my map failings, and I can’t commit to anything long-term. Godot or another program, or programming in general? Good luck.

I just want to make something, work on a project without losing steam or letting anxiety prevent me from learning. Can’t focus on anything long enough to learn it- Japanese, making a game, programming, a new hobby, anything. I just don’t have the drive to do anything and will give up anything I even try to start, so what’s the point in even trying anything. I have books I haven’t read that I’ve been meaning to read for years, and still don’t have an ounce of energy to want to even organize them on their shelf, let alone open it

At the very least, I got my first big commission (second one ever), designing an OC for someone, and it’s going well, though tonight I’ve lost steam to finish it, and I hope I can get it back tomorrow to try to finalize it.

I’ve mentioned it before, but I really wish I just had someone guide me with art- I miss doing those 30 day challenge kind of things, or “send a number/emoji” kind of asks for OCs, but tumblr’s so inactive that I don’t see them on my dash anymore, and don’t know how to even look for them, especially not on sites like twitter these days. Though, the problem is, no one knows exactly what I like, and I feel awful letting people down if they ask for something I don’t want to draw

I can’t focus on exercise long term, and I’m so out of practice that exhaustion is too strong to beat. I’ve been trying to walk up and down on a step stool for exercise to get me back into basic movement, but even that’s too tiring. Want to do it while watching something, then I realize, I don’t watch anything at all, not even youtube, just an occasional artist stream that I mainly chat with rather than watch

I feel like I’m going to collapse if I turn or move too suddenly, and my eyes are absolutely terrible- glasses are okay, but without them I’m completely blind now- not just blind, but it’s like my eyes see at two different angles sometimes, like one is slanted or something, very disorientating.

It’s 7:30AM, and no desire to sleep at all. Terrified of laying in bed and letting anxiety take over me again. Part of me wants to become completely nocturnal and just avoid everyone during the day and just respond to messages in the AM hours, just wake up at midnight each day and avoid dealing with people. Go to sleep when everyone starts to get active and just isolate myself entirely from society.

I feel like I exist with no purpose whatsoever, and it’s driving me insane- not that life is meant to have a purpose, but I could at least be doing something more than laying in bed all day every day for a year

#text stuffs #nyrants

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reylo-solo · 4 years

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I have thoughts.

About what happened last night and on nye. If I don’t write them up somewhere I may explode. Don’t read if you don’t want to. I just need to vent. Also I’m on tumblr mobile and it’s still not letting me insert a read more break so I apologize if this clogs your timeline. :/

1. Arrogance. It reeks of pure “I’m famous and can do/say whatever I want” arrogance. Sucks that I thought he was better than that. Disillusionment to the extreme on my part.

2. How is he gonna put out an ad he did with a company, the slogan of which is to “put down your phone” and enjoy life, then turn around in 24 hours and upload something so immature and inflammatory? That’s quite contradictory. I wonder what the company he did the ad with thinks of that? If he keeps behaviour like that up he’s going to find himself losing brand deals and job opportunities. Any director worth their stock knows fans build an empire. How’s it going to look when they see him harassing a group of fans just for a little ego boost? I get a feeling the words “don’t you know who I am? I was in star wars!” may end up being something of a common refrain in the future if that’s the case.

3. He knew what would happen, because it happened on nye. He knew he’d get people upset, get antis and even people with no clue about any of it riled up and shouting “racism” in his name, thus making him trend on twitter. And all the noise made on that platform would flush out the truth: that it all started bc he made a gross misogynistic joke that people didn’t like. It wasn’t specifically reylos that called him out on it either, it was rightfully unimpressed and uncomfortable women, but it’s the shippers he decided to deflect with.

4. Because he did this, and because the truth got drowned out by a bunch of people using us as scapegoats, reylos are being blamed for being racist towards him and Finn since the casting for TFA was announced, when anyone who was actually around at that time knows the racism came from old, white male fans, who said there couldn’t be a black stormtrooper. (And I have to ask - how can reylos be at fault for this particular instance of nastiness when ‘reylo’ as a ship wasn’t even a thing yet? We only had the trailer! We didn’t even know these characters yet! Make it make sense, luv). Don’t get me wrong, though. The racism he faced and has faced through this has been truly awful and unjust. But it wasn’t specifically reylos spewing it, which is somehow what many people seem to have taken away from all of this. The fact that he has done nothing but push this false narrative rather than turn the mirror on the real problem (i.e. the older generation’s “fandom m*nace”) is...haunting to me. It feels spiteful. It feels cruel. I’m sat wondering why. Why use your 1.5 million follower influence to harass a group of people shipping two fictional characters online, when you could put that influence to good use for, idk, a charity against cyber bullying perhaps? Or some other cause he supports? It’s baffling. Almost as baffling as the fact that no one else who’s feeding into this with any kind of public influence cares to look behind the curtain.

5. That being the case, celebrities and other news outlets with large platforms are reporting that we’re a toxic fandom based in racism and bullying. Continuing to spread that toxic narrative that he built to deflect from his own mistake. And why? Because we’re a fandom largely comprised of women, to be sure. We ship a pretty gentile (and canon) enemies to lovers couple. And because we’ve been dogpiled and attacked for four fucking years as it is so he likely knows we can get defensive when wrongfully accused or targeted. This enlarges the conversation; it makes it trend. This inflates his ego. This is why we should not engage.

6. Lastly, I must have been following the right people on all platforms these last four years, because I have never come across a reylo who was racist towards him (or anyone else for that matter) and wasn’t immediately called out and exiled from the fandom for it. That says something.

In short: I’m glad Star Wars is over because I’m tired of being a scapegoat just because I ship two fictional characters in an online fandom space, where it should be safe to do so but apparently isn’t. I’m tired of the bullying and the death threats, and it still isn’t enough to get people to leave us alone. I just want to read and write fic about these two fictional space nerds, and reblog art of them, and talk to the friends I’ve made bc of it all in my own space, where I’m not inviting anyone who doesn’t like reylo to look at or engage with reylo. That’s it. So for someone like him to come in and act that way, with his platform and his connections...it makes me sick. I’ve lost all respect for him. Not that it means anything to him, clearly. Just sucks.

With that out of my system, I continue my day reblogging great posts and writing fic. (Side note: Please don’t reblog this post - I don’t need unwanted attention brought to it. No matter what we say or do, they will not listen. They will not relent. And I don’t have the energy to deal with it rn. I may end up just deleting this later anyway, but I needed to say it somewhere and twitter is REALLY not the place, for so many reasons.)

#fandom wank #discourse #venting #long post #fandom drama

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twinklecheeks · 5 years

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Friends With Benefits (Jeff Wittek Imagine) Part 2

Summary: Jeff and Y/N have been hooking up for a while. The whole vlog squad assumes they’re dating and Y/N does too but Jeff doesn’t like labels. He eventually starts to express interest in Natalie.

Note: Planning on making this a multiple part series, depending on how good it does. You’re 21 & Latina in this (maybe) series. Also, I’d like to apologize for the typos, if there is any. I’m just illiterate lmao.

Warnings! pregnancy, abortion? mentions of sex.

Part 1

Word Count: 2.4k

Y/n doesn’t know what to do. A million scenarios were going on in your head. “What if I tell him and he doesn’t want it? What if I never tell him and I get an abortion? I mean my body, my choice, right? What if I leave youtube, pull off a Kylie Jenner and reveal it to the world when it’s born? What if I put it up for adoption? Would I choose a closed adoption or an open adoption?” As all these scenarios are running through your head, the doctor asks if you want pictures. “Ummm yeah sure.” This just feels like a nightmare to y/n. The doctor is ready to discharge you and you take an uber home. You feel a buzz in your pocket and it was a text from David. “Hey you should come over and film tonight. We’re messing around with helium and stuff that messes with your voice.” You were about to say yes until you remembered that you were with child. Helium is probably not the best for pregnancy…. “Sorry I can’t come today. Not feeling too well.” “Damn maybe tomorrow. I pulled a prank of Jason’s new tesla and I need some reactions.” “Sure, I’ll be there.” You finally arrive home and you just feel super overwhelmed. Your anxiety already fucks with you at random times and now add the pregnancy hormones, that just sounds like a recipe for disaster. You decide to text Carly and Erin in y’alls gc. They have basically been you best friends since you’ve been a part of the vlog squad but you don’t know if they’ll be pissed once you reveal your secret relationship w/ Jeff. “Heyy, can you guys come over rn? I have to tell you guys a secret and you’re the only people I can trust at the moment.” Erin: “Sure. Well be there in like an hour or so. Carly and I are filming a bit with David. Probably won’t take long.” “Okay great. See you later.” Carly reads the messages from her phone and whispers “sounds serious, what do you think she’s gonna tell us?” “I don’t know. Just hope she isn’t dying or something.”

You say to yourself, “Since Carly and Erin are gonna be here in an hour, I should get pregnancy tests from the store. Just hope no fans recognize me.” You try to dress incognito and you remembered you had some expensive ass wigs in you closet (you’re a boujee ass college student lol) Once you glue the wig on, you get in your tesla (like the tesla Carly has) and you head to target. You have your hood up and sunglasses on like you’re some sort of fbi agent or something. You head to the aisle the pregnancy tests are in and see the condoms right by there and you mumble to yourself “if you woulda just taken the time to come to target and buy those, you wouldn’t be in this mess you dumb bitch.” You grab a couple of the electronic pregnancy tests cause like my bio says “i radiate dumb bitch energy.” You get home, take off the wig and read the text that says they’re 5 minutes away.

*Carly and Erin pov*

“How much you wanna bet that she has a thing for someone in the squad.” “CARLY.”

*Y/n pov*

You hear a knock at the door “heyyy” you say in an awkward tone. Erin sees the hospital bracelets on your wrist. “Oh god you are dying” Y/n: “ERIN WHAT THE- NO ARE YOU CRAZY” All of you head to the couch and you have a hard time telling them so you say it really fast “SooooIjustfoundouti’mpregantandyou’regonnabeauntsmaybe.” Carly didn’t catch any of that but all Erin heard were the two big words. Both of them start screaming out stuff like “YOU’RE PREGNANT” “WHAT” “WHO’S IS IT.” Y/n: “Okay okay okay. I’m gonna tell you guys everything.” So you ended up telling them the saga of you and Jeff’s relationship. Carly: “ITS. JEFF’S.” Y/n:“That’s all you have to say?” Erin: “You have to take another test. This can’t be right.” You go to the bathroom and 5 minutes later, the test says ‘pregnant.’ Erin: “ummm how about you go to a doctor so they can run some tests.” Y/n:“I already got a blood test done in the ER. Nothing is more accurate than a blood test.” Carly: “when are you due.” Y/n:“Early April I think.” Erin:“So you’re not gonna make it to my wedding?” Y/n:“Oh shit you get married in April. Dammit.” Carly: “So what are you gonna do?” Y/n:“I honestly have no idea. I just feel like he’s gonna deny everything and say its not his. He’s the only guy I’ve been sleeping w/ since New Years.” Erin: “well, whatever you decide, we’ll support you. Hopefully I’ll have a newborn baby to be my ring bearer or flower girl.” You smiled just thinking about that. Before you knew it, It started to get dark and both of them left. You didn’t want to be alone tonight, so you decided to facetime one of your other best friends. Y/n:“Hey Stass. You wanna have a girl’s night? Stassie: Sorry, I’m already having a girl’s night at Kylie’s house. You hear Kylie yell in the background “YOU CAN COME TO MY HOUSE.” Y/n: “Thanks, I’ll be there in a bit.” Two years ago, you would’ve never thought that you’d be friends with Kylie Jenner. You two hit it off when she invited the vlog squad to a roller rink to celebrate her becoming a billionaire.

You arrived at her mansion, finding both of them upstairs sitting on the floor in the nursery, playing with Stormi. You’re thinking about telling Kylie and ask her for advice. She’d completely understand; she had a baby at 20 and the whole world had eyes on her not knowing whether she was or wasn’t pregnant. You don’t mind if Stass knows because she helped keep Kylie’s pregnancy a secret, so you know she won’t tell anyone. Y/n:“I have to talk to you guys about something.” Kylie: “Sure. About what?” Y/n:“I’m pregnant.” Kylie and Stass: “YOU’RE WHAT.” Y/n:“Why is it so surprising that I’m pregnant.” Kylie: “who’s is it.” Stass: “it’s probably Jeff’s.” Your eyes go wide as she said that, Stass: “and just by the look on your face, you just confirmed it.” Kylie: “is Jeff the fit one with the New York accent?” “Yeah.” Kylie: “Ooooo he’s hot. So what about pregnancy did you wanna talk about?” Before you ask about pregnancy, you had to tell the whole saga for the second time today. Y/n:“I just don’t know what I should do. How did you feel when you found out?” Kylie: “well, I was shocked at first but then I got excited. Did I plan on getting pregnant so young? No. But I know I’ve always wanted to be a mom. Yeah, motherhood came earlier than expected but I honestly can’t imagine my life without Stormi. Hiding it from the public wasn’t easy but I’m lucky that I had people I could trust to hide my secret. And if Jeff doesn’t accept the baby as his, then screw him. He’ll look like the asshole for leaving. So what do you want to do?” Y/n:“I think I want to keep it a secret but that gonna be really hard because 1. I’m a youtuber and people are gonna see me gain weight, 2. I’m a college student and I have to go on campus for classes. Stass: “Can you look and see if they’re offering online courses for the classes you need to take?” Y/n:“Probably but I don’t want to die of boredom and stay in my house all the time.” Kylie: “I didn’t stay in my house all the time. I just had a lot of security around me 24/7. I bought more cars and switched between them all the time so the paparazzi would be confused. I made sure to wear baggy clothes all the time. I really didn’t start to show that much until I was almost 5 months pregnant.” Y/n:“I’d be 5 months by the time the semester ends for winter break. Should I risk it? Kylie: “I don’t know. Every body is different.” Y/n:“Thanks for the advice Ky.” Kylie: “No problem. You can always come to me for baby advice. I can help you prep. Stormi might not be right baby to start off practicing with but you’re lucky Kim just had a baby in May.” Y/n:“Are you sure she’d be okay with you borrowing Psalm to teach me how to be a mom?” Kylie: “Are you kidding. She’d love it. She has 4 kids under 6 years old. She needs a break. Oh and when it’s time to find out the gender, you HAVE to let me plan the gender reveal and baby shower.” Y/n:“haha okay.” Kylie then takes a vid of y’all playing with Stormi and posts it on her insta story captioning it ‘girls night❤️’

You wake up the next morning not feeling great at all. Kylie: “Drink ginger ale or really bitter lemonade. It helped me with my morning sickness.” Y/n:“Thanks. I should get going. I have to get to class in a couple of hours. I’ll text you later.” Kylie & Stass: “call us as soon as you figure out what you’re gonna do” Y/n:“k, bye”

Y/n talking to herself while driving home:

It probably wasn’t the best decision telling 4 people that I’m pregnant cause I’m not past the 1st trimester yet but I just couldn’t keep it in. I had to vent to someone! I’m scared of telling Jeff but I’m 1000x times more scared of telling my parents. When should I tell them? I mean, I’m flying to Seattle next month for a couple days for my moms birthday…. is that a bad time to tell them both?? I mean, my mom has been begging for grandchildren for the past couple of years. There was one time in high school where I was typing an essay in my room and my mom randomly comes in and says “mija, cuando tu tienes un hijo, nombrarlo después de mí” like who tf says that to a 17 year old? What was I gonna do today? I have class later but- Oh shit. I said I was going to David’s today to film a prank reaction. I hope I don’t have to be in the same clip as Jeff. Luckily your class is only an hour long and so you got home, quickly showered and went to class.

As you got out of class, you hear a ding from your phone. David: “Are you on you way?” Y/n:“Yeah I’m like 30 minutes away.” As you’re driving down David’s street, you see 4 people. David, Jason’s mom, Erin and?.... Of course it would be Jeff. You get out of your tesla and David is getting the camera ready. He opens the gate and you see Jason dressed as Carmelita, showing his genitals all over the car. Everybody is screaming. “NOOOOO OH MY GOD” Jeff: “HOW CAN YOU SHOW THAT TO HIS MOTHER?” Jason’s mom is laughing hysterically. After a couple of minutes, he stopped recording and invited us all in. You haven’t been to David’s house since the incident with Jeff but you were acting as if nothing happened. You were just acting really quiet around Jeff because you’re literally pregnant with his child and have no idea how to tell him. Jeff: “Hey y/n haven’t seen you around lately” all you said was ‘hey” while looking at your phone. Jeff: “What you’re not even gonna look at me? You think cause you’re hanging out with Kylie Jenner, you’re too good for us?” Y/n: “Us? You’re literally making no fucking sense rn, I’ve talked and hung out with everyone except you. Plus why would you care? You kicked me to the curb like I was a piece of trash. Not sorry that I wanna be treated right.” Jeff pulls you to the backyard. Y/n:“Get the fuck off me” Jeff: “why the fuck are you acting like this?” Y/n:“like what? A person who’s finally standing up for herself? I don’t need you and why would you care what i’m doing? Last thing I remember is that you’re with Natalie. I hope you treating her like an actual person, unlike how you treated me. Playing around and fucking me like I was you’re toy.” Jeff: “You consented.” Y/n:“Yeah but now I realize I was dumb as fuck saying yes so many times.” At this moment, you were contemplating whether you should just tell him. You were about to tell him until the last sentence he said left you livid. Jeff: “You said yes cause you were desperate sweetheart. You fucked like a whore. I probably wasn’t the only one you were sleeping with.” At this point, you just wanted to run him over with a car. You didn’t want to be the stereotypical raging Latina so all you said as you were walking away was “Goodbye Jeff.” You didn’t even turn around. Everybody in the house from David, Jason’s mom and Erin heard every single word. On the drive home you made your decision. You’re not telling Jeff it’s his and you’re raising this baby alone. Since you’re still in the first trimester, you’ll keep it to yourself just a little bit longer before you tell the rest of the vlog squad.

*One Month later*

Y/n is officially past the 1st trimester. I’m now 13 weeks. You look in the mirror and see a tiny little bump forming. You telling your parents last week wasn’t the best… Your mom was excited but disappointed; your dad couldn’t even look at you. Your older siblings stuck by you. But now that you have the biggest obstacle out of the way, you have to tell the vlog squad... I wonder how this will go...

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I’m surprised at how many people liked chapter 1! It was confusing for me switching back from saying you & y/n but I think I did better in this part. Oh and I’m not sure if I’ll be writing as much as I am in the future. I think the minimum will be 1k words but I’ll probably write more than that.

Oh and just a heads up, I’m starting school at the end of the month! I’ll try to release as many chapters as I can write in the next 3 weeks.

Taglist: @elvlogsquad @siemprestan @zavidzobrik @irisindigonightmare

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bassiter2 · 4 years

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and here i am venting to such a small fucking fraction of the audience that i used to have that it’s just gonna feel like screaming into a fucking void! i dont’ even need ppl to resond to these posts bc chances are no one’s gonna say anything the slightest bit useful to me but god if my posts in general just got LIKED by more than 5 fucking people....... idk what to do with myself getting this little attention for even shit that i put SO much fucking effort into, like i’m using the LAST of my energy and capacity for passion to create things that still almost no one cares about. it feels so hard to believe that almost anyone other than myself exists at all lately and i’m not blaming that on any of you but i’m just saying that every aspect of my life rn is giving me a bad fucking time

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luobingmeis · 5 years

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okay so bc i need to vent and also bc we all know the old song and dance of “jords is unable to vent post anywhere else,” i’m just gonna rant under the cut and i apologize to mobile users if mobile fucks up the read more :/

also i’d appreciate it if this wasn’t reblogged

also also feel free to ignore

i feel like i’ve kinda just officially hit a point in my life where, for the most part, things are not good or, at the very least, stagnant

like, it’s so easy for me to get sad and stressed and it’s, like, almost every day. like, i think the only day that i haven’t gotten down was wednesday bc it was my birthday, but even then, i kinda had to Work On It

and, like, beginning of september, things were alright!! but then, u know, all good things must come to an end

and i feel like i’ve been like this for months but honestly idk (tho, tbh, i think may and june were iffy, july was bad, august was exhausting [i think idk i can’t really remember but i also know parts of august were bad], the first two weeks of september were good, and now things feel consistently bad)

and like. things so easily set me off now?

and i feel tired and a bit sad and stuck and suffocated and, honestly? really lonely, and like it’s my own doing. like, i feel like i’ve just completely isolated myself

and tbh i think that’s why found family tropes always make me a bit sad underneath all the love bc i feel like i dont have that like everyone else does. like i have friends and best friends but i feel like i’ve just been pushing some of my closest friends away bc i rarely have the energy for shit anymore??? like idk, just last weekend, two of my best friends were home and i love them so much but i was so tired and so bad last weekend that, like, within an hour or two, i’d be ready to go home. and i still had fun!!!! but there was a part of me with this underlying exhaustion

and swim is kinda fucking me up bc i do love swimming and i love being on the team but i never want to go to practice anymore and the season only just started and i’m already waiting for january to come and for the season to end which is Bad bc i don’t wanna rush swim season and ik that i love it but i’m just,,,, so tired and unmotivated all the time and idk

and then with schoolwork, i feel like i just can’t do it anymore. i procrastinate on everything that i do. last year, i would be doing homework for hours every day to get everything done early and, last night, i nearly had a breakdown over having to do a discussion post (for readings that i did not do) and almost emailed my teacher at 10pm to ask for an extension

and, like, once i get my work started? i’m going!!! i’m doing it and it’s decent!!!!! but it’s the getting there that sucks, bc it takes me so long now

and i feel so pressured to do well and get a 4.0 again and just do everything perfect but i can barely bring myself to do shit anymore that i just feel like i’m going to let everyone down and people are going to realize really quickly that i can’t do all that i’ve wanted to

also my memory has been so bad lately and like!!! shit’s wild

and my sleep schedule is so fucked and i need to fix it bc i’m getting, like, on average, 5 or 6hrs a night, which isn’t enough for me, but like!!! i can’t get myself to be going to bed before 11 or 12. sometimes it’s bc i don’t want the next day to happen, and sometimes it’s bc i say that i’ll go to bed earlier and then i just don’t

also i have so many fun things coming up in the next week and being excited is so hard. like tm i’m going out for a very nice dinner w/ my parents for my birthday and, in my mind, it’s just like another Task i have to do. i have the taz and mbmbam shows next week and i am excited for those but my stress is currently outweighing my excitement

and like, all in all, things feel so shit rn like it feels like every day i’m making dumb posts like “ahaha time for sad o’clock” or whatever bc i can’t take myself seriously even tho i so badly Want To be taken seriously but!!! idk

like basically i’m at the point where if, like, every single week is like this, idk what i’m gonna do bc i’m not gonna be able to handle that

and also i feel stagnant and stuck and isolated and i feel like it’s all on me but like. idk how to fix that!!

anyways this is my rant post and it’s very embarrassing and i’m sorry if you stuck around to read all of this bc this basically became a pity party for myself bc i can’t talk to the people i care abt in my life abt my issues but i sure can scream into the ether as strangers read on. so, like, yeah.

#i wish i had a vent post tag so that u guys can blacklist it i feel bad bc this is an every day occurrence now ajkskjdjk

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ldoismoving · 5 years

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ok so the rest of the drama story from the last post

Uh yeah

Things have been good but a little I think toxic is the word with Loki the past two months. I've had two world breaking things happen the first was my Mothers death on thanksgiving (I sensed something bad coming thirty mins before she passed part of my oracle status I guess) and then being diagnosed with type 2 diabetes and the after math of all this and the after math is still happening and now my dog decides to get sick but I digress. He warned me that getting closer to Christmas something was going to happen and boy was I so not prepped for it.

Now back to the high school drama

I was hella depressed and messed up mental a few days ago because of having to clean out my mothers horder house which btw is a bio hazard and I lived in that house from age 10 till she passed so 11 years literly half my life. Anubis showed up and calmed me down from my panicked state but Set showed up and uh well let's just say he's kinda known as a bit of a horn dog in Kemetic circles and things happened and Loki was not pleased about that cause the next night he busted into my room with Thor and ran Set out.

Their energy was oof and made me uncomfortable and they just would not leave when I ask then commanded so Sehkmet showed up and picked them up by their collars and belt and tossed them out the door (my interacts with the divine is never anything but drama central) I didn't even call her. Anubis also showed up again and just death glared Thor (and the face Thor made was one I've never seen on him). So Thor and Loki were just standing out my door try to get back in eventually Thor walked off pissed (apparently he hates Set btw). Loki just stood there scratching at the door very upset. I'd say Thor was trying to be protective and was just pissed and Loki was more jealous and heart broken (I think I don't lean on him as much as I should I guess) than anything.

The whole interaction along with my feelings and the red flags and mostly Lokis behavior I was so upset and angry I snapped at them and tbh more at Loki (this wasn't the only time I've fought with him but this was the last straw) I gave him my mind about his actions and how of relationship has been sour and toxic and that I need my own autonomy cause as much as I love the bastard I felt trapped and part of this was the oath we had. He tried to argue but eventually he saw I was right. And he broke the ring of runes that repped our oath and the look on his face. I didn't like that face it was so heart broke that I instantly want to take everything back and hug him and be like don't be sad as I hate hurting ppls feelings.

The next night and a little bit of the night before he tried to convince me to take him back. He was doing puppy eyes but it was like his whole body (he also kept trying to lay on me like when your dog knows your sad and tries to cheer you up.) and he was saying he knew messed up and wanted a second chance but I wasnt having it I told him to stop and leave that I was still mad at him. Eventually he did and I won't lie I want to forgive him right then and have our relationship again but I couldn't live with my self if I forgave that easily. He seems panicked

Last night I expected him to show up again but he didn't and I was kinda sad at that but I guess he thought I wouldnt listen or talk to him and idk if I would have. I've told him multiple times during this that after this goes away he can pop up and visit but I think he just wants to stay my patron and be a friend (I guess we are a little more than just friends but still) I think I should try reaching out we need to fix this, the both of us

So I feel I need to clarify our relationship. You see Loki refuses to allow the words worship, devotee/God be labeled to our relationship ( rn now as I type my body is shaking and losing control of my emotions and starting to try and cry. I'm an extremely emotional person) he actual gets mad when I use those terms. Our relationship is more that of friends, good friends who've seen hell and back. I know most or it seems like like ppl here see him as goofy,crazy loud . Kinda memey trickster side of him the most if only that part. I personally see mostly his “blue” side the one that's used and abused, had see his kids tortured and caged and tied, the on earth that bound by his sons inners and burned by acid. The version o Loki that just wants to be loved and liked and that's the point I think we really bonded one other than our chaotic brains. Yeah he still pranks and be silly but there's a lot sitting in silence and talks in the dark. He always comes at night and early morning. We show each other our scars and vent about our bullshit and relax around each other for the most part though it seems it's been five year and I still get tense around him sometimes but maybe it's because I haven't forgotten that he is a god and he can't be controlled easily if at all. He can be dangerous as a wild fire as a riot if he wants too. He's a world breaker and even though I almost never see it I haven't forgotten.

The bastard has my heart and I call him a bastard lovingly. I think I have his too

One point before this I tried to take a break and separate from him and I didn't last 3 hours before my body just started screaming and the chest pain started and I came back to him crawling. My body reacted violently to being removed from him.

I also have this toy fox that's connected to him and acts a physical extension of him and when I don't sleep with it I can't sleep. I toss and turn and wake up multiple times in the night. Like after this fight I didn't sleep with the fox. I woke every three hours from my sleep all night. I usually sleep with fox on my chest or next to it over my arm and under my chin. I basically sleep with it near my heart

I wonder if he's watching this? Ian he reading it?

#lokean #lokideity #shit this was a long ass post

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liliumwallichianum · 3 years

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every other night started with a good day ((((:

Life is sooooo weirdly cyclical yall it’s almost annoying but then again everything is kinda annoying and maybe I’m just annoyed with myself right now LOL. anyways

ummmm yeah I feel like a warrior rn. Lemme go thru sectors of my life and just update

school/research/career

BIG things and breakthroughs happening! I dont even wanna talk about it bc I am spending so much time/energy on this throughout the day that I’ve depleted this energy source. I would also like to stop telling people of my goals of becoming an o**** s****** because the negativity i get is just so discouraging and people dont understand that I ltrly dont give a fuck if it’s a hard specialty to get into/BE in but it’s my fucking passion and I want it and imma give it to myself. that’s what july-jan is gonna be. it’s gonna be a gift from me to me to have the life that I know I want and belong in :)

therapy

god therapy is so fucking exhuasting i hate all 50 minutes of sitting on that fucking couch i hate my therapist and i hate that it’s basically me PAYING A SHIT TON OF MONEY to SPEAK. i DONT EVEN WANNA SPEAK. i just wanna hear someone else speak and tell me what to do!?!!? okay therapy vent for this week is done i hope this means next week I will have a breakthrough lmfao. like cmon chop chop lets get to the childhood traumas and fix that so i can move on (y)

men

uhh ppl dont believe me but i’m literally so man less rn besides like a few guys i’m texting very innocently. me and M decided we need to stop looking at men as sexual objects/opportunities and just focus on being their friends bc then we get their true personalities and true intentions!! which makes so much sense right ha ha we were just dumb horny biatches but yeah celibacy is nice ish i just cant stand Lax crying about me getting a bf lmfao

fitness

BRO i am so fat rn i hate it. i hate whatever injury i had (which i cant even self diagnose bc the injury is so skewed in my head) bc i feel like it really threw me off but again we only have self talk here so I am DOING FINE w my body and gonna start half marathon training soon which im excited for okieeeee gonna do a quick glow up before summer starts

health

um.... psych wants me to get adhd meds and i’m like sitting here not knowing what the fuck to do? do i rlly wanna take meds?????? no. but am i struggling out here? in p much all aspects of my life bc of this? yes... idk. Gonna pray on this and have god tell me what to do cause i sure as hell donut know.. also reading “The F*ck It Diet” and it’s honestly so good hahah my body weight makes so much sense now post stress dieting but yeah gonna try and reverse that and just do my best to raise my metabolism and get nutrients in. also wtf is up w the cramps from nuvaring this shit is annoying but after talking to my amazing obgyn seester we decided it’s the best/easiest thing to be on for a med student/future resident so yea lets see it’s been like 4 months i’ll wait at least 6. besides that i feel great and strong and healthy (Y)

spirituality

I would really like to start praying more and praying with focused goals in mind. I would also really like my grandpa to come home and pretty much pray every day for this. Meditation is going well? and I just wanna up my time to 20 min/day instead of just 10. ummm I feel intune w myself and the universe ish and yoga def helped today and was amazing... what else hm. yeah idk i just wanna pray more.

ok done bye xoxo

#feels

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riskeith · 3 years

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hi babe ! its snowing so much here today i’ve been cold all day :( but i got some chai latte and made snow angels so i’m feeling a bit better,.. <3

i wish there was a way to trade objects or send them away!! ik it would spiral into hacking, scamming and would probably defeat the purpose of the game by making it much easier but still :( it would be nice to help out friends with some objects.. :(

actually the most annoying thing about mobile is the camera. it sometimes glitches especially during battle and i find myself stuck facing a mountain bc the camera. so i see why people might complain. also sadly NO :( i wish!! i have an old laptop i thought of using but idk if it can handle it. i think i wanna try it out though. do you use a laptop or pc?

that’s true. i wish we could like... unable easy mode and just chill LMAO hsjshdhdk. but combat does get more fun the more you progress, i’ve started to really enjoy it. now i get why you started to like dragonspine.... i think.... i’m still iffy about that place... 🤔 fuck the cold.

dude. they’re sooo good. i love how they just.. angrily reassure each other constantly. kageyama’s just ARGH *literally smacks sense into hinata’s head* and hinata’s just EEE *takes the compliments and spikes like a mf*

i actually didn’t know much about voltron when i first started watching. i only knew about shiro because an acquaintance had posted about his gay announcement but i never checked it out. i actually got into it in a funny way... i was on yt one day and i saw a video titled ‘are keith and lance gay?’ and i was like who the fuck are keith and lance? then because i’m such a gay person myself i decided to check it out and i saw keith and was like... wow that’s a cute boy... then i saw their dynamic and said WOAH. and well... i just started watching and got hooked and i thought everything was neat and fun so i watched up until season 3 without engaging in any fan activities so i had no idea what people were saying...,, then i did and i was greeted with the shit storm. and the rest is history. but i can imagine it must’ve been so fun... the excitement of not knowing where the story will go and getting new content and being in the fandom while it was alive despite everything.... ahhh how did you find out about the show?

dude YEAH!!! do you feel like university affects the way you handle your fandoms? we talked a bit about hobbies and stuff but what about fandoms?

(MAKES A SECOND REROLL ACCOUNT JUST FOR THIS.... 🥺 omgggg imagine how cute that would be wait omg i’m actually like ahhhh.. we could go on dates at liyue... or watch the sunset at cape oath.... or have picnics at any mountain top... 😳 YEAH PLS that would be so nice... help is anyway nice to have and you’re such a op now you’d just murder the villains in a second... 😳 oo. although i checked earlier and my server is in america for some reason? i really hope they do the cross-server thing life would be SO good. i’d ask you on a date in a heartbeat. 😳 which characters would we use on this co-op date?)

KOSMO!!! BEST PART OF VOLTRON???? kosmo... come back to us please.. please. ok maybe second best part after keith in the bom suit..... god keith in purple just sits so right <3333 sooo right <3333 I VOTE FOR KEITH BECAUSE HE’S HALF-GALRA SO I GUESS THAT MAKES HIM THE FUTURE *LOVE-SICK SMILE* yeah... hahaha fucking fools. ‘rewrite where lance was looking for keith to confess to him bc they were going back to space’ CRIESSSSSSSSSSSS... CLUNAAAA... 🥺👉🏽👈🏽 hi.. 🥺 now i’m just gonna think about this all night and clutch my heart. thank you for that. btw how would you feel about a voltron movie ?

(i love how our topics just jump from genshin to voltron to genshin to voltron again lmao)

lots of kisses from your m.a. <3333

(okay this ended up being very long bc i combined your second ask too and talked a lot so i hope it’s okay i put it under a read more fkdsjhfks)

omg snow!!! is it all pretty and fluffy 🥺🥺 also ‘chai latte’ and ‘snow angels’ in the same sentence when you said you were cold made me fhfksfjs but i’m happy you’re feeling better! muwah 🥰

yeah same!! i said that to my brother when i first started playing i was like ‘i wish you could trade characters’ and he just gave me a deadpan look and was like.. why would they allow that FHDSFKHD sigh but it would be fun!

ah yikes no! sometimes the camera fucks up even on pc so I can’t imagine what it’s like on mobile in the pivotal moments fhdkfjsd. and i use a laptop! i don’t have a pc ahaha. ahhh i hope you somehow manage to find a laptop/pc to try it out thoo

AHAHAH come on m.a. give dragonspine another shot 🤪🤪 but yeah the challenge is fun sometimes! tho i tried to do a domain like 3 times today and kept failing so... it’s also not fun. (i also tried to find some vids about how to build my characters and got overwhelemd fkhsdfks i feel like i’m going about it all in the wrong way ahhhhhhhhhhhh)

FSHDFKJSDHFKSDHJF THAT DESCRIPTION OF KAGEHINA YES 💯💯💯💯 the accuracy omg.. they’re such chaotic idiots i love them!!!!

!!! what a story that is ahah omg it’s like fate... icb you got that vid recommended to you lolol iconic... and i found out about it from my dash!! someone reblogged a screenshot and i was like “legend of korra?” FHSKFJHSKF so basically i thought it was a korra comic or something bc the art style was so similar fhskdfjd. and then i went searching and gave it a shot! and fell down the rabbit hole..

ooo wdym by handle my fandoms? i do know that last year when uni got overwhelming i locked my twitter and made a priv to vent and just. didn’t really go on social media if that’s what you meant FHSKJSDHKF but yeahhhhhhh uni fkn sucks. sucks out all the motivation i have for anything... i type so many words for lectures that i don’t have the energy to write fic :// FJKDSHKSDHFKSHF don’t meant to get so negative but yeahh lol. hbu?

(all those options got my heart going doki doki 😩 who needs real life dating when you can date in the gorgeous atmosphere that is genshin? AHAH. and oh? america??? maybe they just did that as default hm. as for which characters.... i don’t know that we have any that make up the popular ships fhdskjfj (xingqiu/chongyun, zhongli/childe, beidou/ningguang).. tho i see xiao/aether and xiao/venti on the rise so when the time comes ... AHAH you can be the venti to my xiao <3 LOL)

!!!!!!!!! okay i’ll list that down as the fic idea.. but no promises once again sdjfhksdf but i’m also very 👀👀👀 at the concept so! will def keep it in the back burner.

hm. i honestly don’t know if i would even pay any attention to it hfksdhfjds like voltron left such a sour taste in my mouth i don’t even know that i could consume any canon content ever again. but it’ll also depend on what the plot would be? lol. would you be okay with it?

(lmaooo we be balancing many convos at once look at us 🤪)

ALSO!!! i’m watching spirited away rn and omg. i love haku sm. i love no face too!!! (at least in the beginning when he (?????) was helping sen <33) all the characters are really good as well tho and ofc the art and music!! i really wanna draw something for it now...... and it makes me very excited to watch howl’s moving castle!!

‘I saw the person my younger self had been enraptured by. I saw someone who took my breath away. And when I blinked, I saw the present you. A soul which, slowly but surely, I’d started to fall in love with.’

UMMMMMMMM CLUNA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! explain yourself right now.........., what is this goddamn beauty you hide ? why is that so beautiful..,,, i take it the last klance fic is a multiverse fic???? literally everything good in one????? i saw hints of royal au as well? 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 you do us so good i literally love you sm just reading those small snippets just Ahhhhhh..... i love them they sound amazing i just wanna exist in them yk... 😭😭😭😭😭😭

FHDSKJFHDSFKJ IF YOU THINK THAT IS GOOD JUST WAIT UNTIL YOU READ THE LAST SECTION!!!!!!!!! but at the same time i’m surprised by myself too... me @ past me you ain’t bad! shdfkds I legit have no recollection or writing the snippet you sent but i’m glad you like it 😩😩 and thank you for being so kind always ilysm too 😭❣💓💖💫💞💘❣💖

oh and to answer your question (oops almost forgot) yes it’s a multiverse fic!! that’s why i thought it’d be good for the last one ehehe. just shoved in everything i loved and made klance in love in them!!

hope you’re treating yourself!! loveeeeeee your c.r. <3

#since it's under a read more.. it can be like those 'open for a surprise' things HAHAH #marriage anon #wowclunaanswers #long post

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