#I’m mostly embarrassed I can tell my grandpa is like ‘girl really? and your supposed to live abroad for two months?’

[gatorinator]

One of these days being an idiot is going to get me killed smh

[wizardcommune]

zenitsu agatsuma sfw alphabet

pairing - zenitsu x reader

warnings - none

word count - 1.8k

a/n - i want to beat the shit out of zenitsu while simultaneously giving him a hug.   also zen’s theme song is cariño by the marias no i will not be debating this

(reader is a demon slayer)

a = affection (how affectionate are they? how do they show affection?)

he’s extremely affectionate. he likes physical and verbal affection the most, because he can show it at any time!! he definitely does not give a shit about PDA and will sit in your lap at any and all times

b = best friend (what would they be like as a best friend? how would the friendship start?)

inosuke was actually the first one to meet you first, as he accidentally barreled into you when he ran too fast on a curvy road. when zen saw what happened, he was like “inosuke just ran into someone again and jesus christ they’re cute abort abort”

he definitely got really mad at inosuke as he stood there like 

tanjirou helped you up and zen got mad at him too since that was supposed to be his job; get it together guys

as long as you don’t do anything to embarrass him, he’s very sweet as a friend!! he’ll always bring you little things he found to make you happy

c = cuddles (do they like to cuddle? how would they cuddle?)

he loves cuddles!! even before you started dating, you, tanjirou, nezuko, inosuke, and him would all have cuddle sessions (it was tanjirou’s idea, obviously)

after that, he warmed up to the idea of platonic cuddles!! it made him like cuddles even more when you got together

d = domestic (do they want to settle down? how are they at cooking and cleaning?)

settling down is definitely something he wants!! as much as he likes the other demon slayers, it stresses him out a ton and he’d rather get to have a family with his s/o.

very minor spoilers for the end of the manga for the rest of this letter:

when the main four all moved in together, zenitsu was so fucking excited. he wouldn’t have to worry about getting mauled to death and he gets to live with you? he was bouncing off the walls the entire time everyone was setting up.

e = ending (if they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

i think he’d be the type to want to break up if he thought he was gonna die on a mission. he’d be very solemn and quiet, saying that he didn’t want to hurt his s/o, but if something were to happen to him it would hurt more. (remember how he acted when he saw kaigaku again?)

if it was forced upon him, he’d definitely be a crier. you can barely make out was he’s trying to say because he’s blubbering so much; after he gets it out he’d immediately hug you and sob into your shoulder. :(

f = fiance(e) (how do they feel about commitment? how quick would they want to get married?)

have you seen zenitsu? king wanted to marry that poor girl after 7 minutes tops

when he first started crushing, he would wanted to get married immediately. even if you weren’t together yet, tanjirou + inosuke would have to pull him off because he wouldn’t stop clinging to you.

especially since you’re a demon slayer, after the final arc he’d get a lot more serious about it. obviously he would never lose his personality, but he would finally officially confess (like you didn’t know before DHFJGKBFDHK) and maybe give you some space. 

once you were older and had been together for a few years, every once in a while he’d be like “so uh... s/o..... howwouldyoufeelaboutgettingmarried” and then promptly leaving because poor boy was embarrassed

g = gentle (how gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

zenitsu is pretty gentle physically, but not as much as someone like genya or tanjirou. especially since he’s the type to tackle you into a hug HAHA

he’s very emotionally gentle!! he’s really sweet to you and is really sensitive 

h = hugs (do they like hugs? how often do they do it? what are their hugs like?)

king LOVES hugs. he’s so clingy he’ll randomly jump at you and just. latch on. good luck leaving

when he’s softer, like if one of you gets hurt, he’ll hug you really gently and won’t say anything for a while. he’ll probably sniffle into the crook in your neck a lot. booger haori :(

i = i love you (how fast do they say the L-word?)

immediately. he doesn’t really understand how much it means, but tanjirou probably explains it to him because him and nezuko couldn’t handle the secondhand embarrassment

j = jealousy (how jealous do they get? what do they do when they’re jealous?)

oh god he gets jealous so easily. you can just be waving at inosuke and he’ll start crying 

when he gets jealous, he’ll get even more clingy than normal and will start crying a ton. you’ll have to cuddle him for a while to get it through his head

k = kisses (what are their kisses like? where do they like to kiss you? where do they like to be kissed?)

he loves kissing you and being kissed everywhere!!! he doesn’t have a favorite place to kiss you, but he loves being kissed on his cheek :^) his kisses are really soft!

l = little ones (how are they around children?)

please for the love of god don’t put him near children

m = morning (how are mornings spent with them?)

he’s not a morning person at all. right when he wake up he immediately snuggles more into you. if you have to get up early for training, he won’t stop whining oh my god

if you bring him tea in the morning he’ll love you forever (he will anyways shh)

n = night (how are nights spent with them?)

it normally takes him a little while to fall asleep. he prefers to cuddle with you though because it helps a bit!! also because he’s touch starved

explained more in z, he moves around a ton. he likes talking about small stuff before bed too, since it distracts him a little.

o = open (when would they start revealing things about themselves? do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)

it would take a while. kaigaku isn’t something zen brought up to tanjirou or inosuke, and i don’t recall him mentioning it after the final battle. his grandpa is also a very sensitive subject to him, so his s/o would have to have his complete trust to talk about it.

i think he would reveal things slowly unless you asked him about it more.

p = patience (how easily angered are they?)

with you, it takes a while for him to get mad. even if you embarrass him, he’d mostly get really dramatic and teary. 

if you get hurt, though, he’d definitely get mad at you for putting yourself in that position. losing you is something he doesn’t want to think about

q = quizzes (how much would they remember about you? do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)

i think he would take mental notes without even realizing?? like he’d remember the stupidest stuff you said just because he’s so head over heels. chill

r = remember (what is their favorite moment in your relationship?)

zenitsu’s favorite memory was the day he confessed.

it was right after the final battle, and he was physically and emotionally exhausted from the losses. he just kinda went “fuck it” and went to go confess to you!! 

he was really blunt since he was half knocked out on his feet. once you reciprocated, he kinda just. collapsed onto you and giggled really tiredly before passing out LMAOO

he gets embarrassed whenever you bring it up, but it still makes him really happy. 

s = security (how protective are they? how would they protect you? how would they like to be protected?)

i mean... it depends? when he passes out during a fight, he subconsciously gets really protective. when he’s awake, however, he’d rather be protected HAHA

seeing you fight to protect him is his favorite!! it makes him feel really safe (despite being two seconds away from getting clawed in the face)

t = try (how much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

u = ugly (what would be some bad habits of theirs?)

he moves very fast in the relationship. he still has that underlying fear of dying at any time so.. “fuck it i should marry s/o”

until he gets through that, you and the others will probably have to help him. he’s stronger than he realizes and while being cautious is good as a demon slayer, his paranoia is only stressing him out further :(

also he picks his nose

v = vanity (how concerned are they with their looks?)

not very much? when he first started crushing on you, he was checking to make sure his haori was straight and his hair wasn’t messed up and his shirt was tucked in and and and

but after he started dating you, he let up a little bit as he got more comfortable.

w = whole (would they feel incomplete without you?)

honestly? yeah. zenitsu is dramatic as hell and won’t hesitate to tell you that he would die instantly if something happened to you FBHDJGFH

x = xtra (a random headcanon for them.)

he really likes the smell of flowers, so if you ever wore deodorant/cologne/perfume that smelled like daisies or some shit he would follow you the entire day

y = yuck (what are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?)

he would really want you to like his friends, and if you didn’t, he’d be so sad. they’re the people he respects the most, so to hear you don’t like him would hurt a little bit.

he’d also like someone who didn’t tease him much, just because he’s a little sensitive.

also he is absolutely horrified of bugs

z = zzz (what are some sleep habits of theirs?)

whether you fell asleep touching or not, you will always wake up to zenitsu clinging to you. especially if you get up before him, he won’t even realize he does it unless you bring it up

he’s an active sleeper!! i’m so sorry if you’re a light sleeper because he won’t stop fucking moving. he also talks a lot in his sleep, and more often than not will snore lightly. 

sometimes, though, after a long mission, he’ll just hold you while mumbling some slurred “love you, s/o” and then passes out instantly. on those nights, he won’t move at all or make any noise.

[ddaenggtan]

chasing butterflies | jjk

you never meant to be a jock in school. the volleyball team had just needed people and you were there and then you had a knack for it. you just happened to be good at it and went with it. similar to how you saw jeon jungkook in your friend’s orientation group and thought he was absolutely radiant and just went with it. for two years. you’ve spent the entire time pining from afar, mostly because you always seem to make a fool of yourself when he’s around, but also because jungkook is part of that exclusive crowd, the ones that you never can seem to penetrate: the weebs. that is, until your friends get sick of your hopeless pining and decide to do something about it.

pairing | jeon jungkook x reader

genre/warnings | fluff, college au, coffee shop au, pining, somewhat idiots to lovers, jock!reader, nerd/weeb/otaku!kook, swimmer!kook, jock!jimin, kook smiles a lot, reader is a dumbass, jungkook is a dumbass, everyone’s a dumbass tbh, love confessions, profanity, like a lot of profanity, smut: oral (f receiving), face riding, grinding, hickies, unprotected sex (wrap ur willy before things get silly kids!), creampie, soft!kook except when horny, this is somewhat crack-y, there’s also a very fair amount of secondhand embarrassment in this just fair warning i cringed a lot while writing it

word count | 12.8k | cross posted to ao3

a/n | i busted literally all of this in one day because i couldn’t sleep and had the idea for a coffeeshop au with pining nerd/jock, but i didn’t want to do the trope of pining nerd and i also kept seeing @strawbxxymilk‘s tags saying she was going to fight jungkook, so you can partially blame her for his (love u reni xx) i’m honestly REALLY in love with this fic, it was so much fun to write and even edit, like i honestly have never been happier with how a fic turned out.

If asked, you don’t think you’d be able to point to one exact moment that led to this. You aren’t sure why anything about your college life has been the way it is. You went through almost all middle school and part of high school intending on coasting through under the radar. You didn’t have many friends and you didn’t mind that, citing quality over quantity, and you definitely expected that to continue into your extended school career.

Somehow, though, you ended up on the volleyball team - the captain had seen you playing in a gym class and recruited you. She was adamant that with practice and training, you’d be great, and also they needed at least one more person if they were going to have any chance at competing that year. So you agreed, started practicing, got good, and…kept doing it. You were a talented player, and you made several close friends through the game, ones that had lasted you until even now.

You only got better and better, too, earning you more than one offer from various universities. It was exciting when you finally chose one, and even more exciting that your friend group almost tripled overnight. University teams were large, you discovered, and while that meant more competition, it also meant more friends. More friends that had more connections to people on other teams, in other sports, who were also fun and extroverted and threw really good parties. 

You like to think you’re still that little nobody from middle school. You enjoy your readings and your coursework, and a lot of nights you choose to stay behind in your shared apartment instead of going out. As much as you like to think that, though, you can’t help but face the truth every time you look in the mirror after practice or a game or a workout.

You’re a jock.

You don’t even know why. The labels were supposed to end when high school did, and yet here you were. You pretty much only hang out with other sporty people, since no one has much time to make friends with anyone they didn’t see five times a week and every other weekend. You have a strict workout regimen that you run through with other girls from the team. Your class schedule is built around your volleyball schedule. You call yourself an athlete. You get looks sometimes, from the smart kids who think they’re better because you’re ‘only’ an athlete and they’re not. It reminds you of the people who look down on other sports because theirs is the only ‘true’ sport. Those people used to piss you off, but you’ve grown used to them now; there would always be people who thought they were better because of some imagined divide.

Realistically, there is no divide. People are free to associate with whoever they want, fuck the social norms that become ingrained in high school to contrast class differences. Okay, your Societal Influences class may have skewed your thinking a bit, but your point stands. You had no good reason to conform to the antiquated ideas of high schoolers.

So why, why, are you still standing by a waffle maker and staring helplessly at him?

Jisoo nudges you and you move to let her at the waffle, not looking away from him. She follows your line of sight and laughs when she sees him. “Seriously?” She asks, shaking her head.

“Shut up,” You groan, popping part of a roll into your mouth.

“It’s been almost three years,” She teases. “How have you not worked up the nerve to talk to him?”

“Two years, three months,” You correct as you follow her to where the chocolate syrup and fruit await for her waffle monstrosity. You can’t even look at it anymore, sickened by the mere sight of all the sugar stacked atop it.

“That is not helping your case the way you think it is.”

“I can’t just…talk to him, he’s gonna think I’m weird. Who just walks up to someone and says ‘hi, I saw you in my friend’s orientation group two years ago and thought you were the most beautiful man in existence, and still think that in fact, would you mind going out with me?’” Jisoo levels you with a look that could make cacti wilt.

“Uh, plenty of people do that every day. That’s how relationships happen. I know you’ve got this big hard-on for this whole…pining, lovesick idiot look,” She barrels on, ignoring the squawk of defiance you let loose, “But it’s getting kind of hopeless. That one guy asked you out, like, last month, and you literally laughed at him.”

“In my defense, he was like way older than us! I don’t want to go out with a grandpa!”

“I cannot believe you just called Kim Seokjin a grandpa, the entire team is going to revolt against you for this.”

You huff and lead her to the table you picked out, which she very kindly does not mention gives you a perfect view of him while you pick at your food. She continues to rant at you about your hopeless crush, but you don’t even hear her anymore, because he’s laughing at something across the dining hall and it makes your chest tighten.

God damn, you don’t know how in the hell someone so fucking nerdy can make you so fucking weak in the knees.

Across the room, Jungkook adjusts the round lenses that have been sliding down his nose, and it makes your heart flutter. He laughs again at something someone beside him said. His nose scrunches as he does it, and the cute bunny teeth are obvious, and it makes you want to die a little inside but also throw him off a bridge a little bit. He starts talking, animated and excited, and you wonder what it is he’s talking about. You can almost pretend that he’s talking about you for a second, until he pulls something out of his bag and sets it on the table, covering it with his hands before pulling them back in a dramatic effort to reveal–

God, it’s a fucking Hatsune Miku figurine. 

You feel like sobbing at the sight. “God, he’s such a fucking weeb,” You say, hatred for yourself rolling off the words in absolute waves. Jisoo huffs, probably annoyed that you haven’t been listening to her rant, and waves a hand.

“You knew this,” She tells you bluntly. The issue is that she’s 100% correct; the first time you ever remember seeing Jungkook, he was in a God damn Naruto cosplay, dumbass wig in his hands while he adjusted his ninja headband, and he was still the most beautiful human being you’d ever laid your eyes on.

His eyes dart over like he could hear your thoughts and he makes eye contact; you get whiplash, you look away so fast. Your face is burning, you can feel it, and you’re actually in danger of staring a hole into the table with how hard you’re looking at it.

“You’re safe, he isn’t looking anymore,” Jisoo eventually says. You chance a glance to see that Jungkook is focused on whatever conversation he’s having, Hatsune Miku nowhere to be seen and replaced with a very pretty red flush across his cheeks. You audibly coo over the sight and Jisoo pretends to gag.

“Don’t you have class?” She says. It’s obviously an attempt to distract you, she’s always so transparent about those things. Jungkook looks over again and suddenly your phone becomes the most fascinating thing in the entire world. You balk at the time, because fuck, you really do have class in two minutes.

“Bye Jisoo, love you, don’t gorge yourself on waffles, or Rose will kill you at practice!” You shout over your shoulder as you bolt from the dining hall.

You don’t see nor feel the eyes on your back as you go, too focused on making the five-minute walk into a sixty-second sprint.

Work is boring. It always is. You work the overnight shift, 9 pm to 4 am, so that you can balance your volleyball schedule and your classes and your bills. If there were less 24-hour coffee shops around, it may be busier, but alas, the trend of having spaces for haggard and exhausted college students to roll into at all hours of the day had caught on, and thus, you work at one of four all-night coffee shops. And that’s only on this side of campus. There were even more on the other side, where the dorms were, and they see much more traffic than yours. Kids never want to go very far to get caffeine, so the ones across the way were always bustling and packed full of people writing last-minute papers and emailing for sources and who knows what else. 

Which meant that only the stray customer wandered in after dark, usually people getting off work and wanting to unwind for a second before heading home. You got a lot of homeless people, camping out in corners away from other people and sipping on one coffee for hours at a time. Some of the other workers complained about them, but you didn’t really care one way or another. If it kept them off the street and out of the cold, then you’d let them sit there as long as you could. It wasn’t like there were many people around to complain, anyway.

Of course, the few customers meant that there were fewer interruptions to the daily tasks you had to do, so it only takes an hour or two, max, every night to get everything clean, stocked, polished, and counted. Which left another five for you to fill.

You sigh, staring at a blank page of your notebook. You’re lucky your boss doesn’t care if the workers do schoolwork on the job, so long as the work gets done and the customers are happy, but just this once you curse him for being so kind. You’ve been procrastinating this essay for a week and it was due next class, but you had absolutely no idea where to even start. You sigh again and straighten as the bell over the door rings, the customary 'Welcome to Brew’d Awakening, what can I get for you today?’ already halfway out before you actually look up.

You choke on air as Jungkook smiles at you, small and shy and sweet, and you can actually feel part of your soul shrivel up and die along with every single one of your brain cells. You stare at him for a solid six seconds as he peruses the menu hanging above your head, and you’re so focused on memorizing the way he looks this close up that you nearly miss his order.

“A large iced black, please?” He phrases it like a question and it’s adorable, despite the countless times you’ve bitched to Jisoo about people doing the exact same thing in the past. You tack on your customer service smile as best you can and ring him up.

It’s a relief to turn away from him to actually make his drink. He’s gorgeous, even with the dumbass hoodie with some naked anatomy model on it that has to be from some anime, that it makes it hard for you to breathe. He’s not even wearing the nerd glasses and it just makes his eyes so much more obviously beautiful, and you know Jisoo is going to whine about hearing you wax poetic over them for weeks after this. Your hands shake as you pour the coffee into the cup and click the lid into place, but you force yourself to steady them as you hand it to him.

He’s blushing again, and you want to kiss it so badly, and he waves. “Thanks,” He says as he starts to leave. Your brain is torn between responses, one half reverting to your generic response and the other wanting to assure it him it was absolutely not anything he needed to thank you for, and you can feel the stupidity coming, but you cannot stop the words as they claw up your throat and you nearly shout–

“Your problem!”

He falters in his steps, turning to give you a confused look, and you’re honestly disappointed the earth doesn’t quake and part to drag you directly to the pits of hell, because even that would be less painful than having to maintain your professional demeanor like you didn’t just say the absolute stupidest thing you’ve ever said in your entire fucking life.

Jungkook just nods and strides out of the coffee shop, bell dinging in his wake.

The screech you unleash in the break room a few seconds later is inhuman and chilling, and yet Rose doesn’t seem at all fazed.

“I would say you should just talk to him, but clearly you can’t even do that like a normal person.” She pats your arm as you bang your head into the table, and you consider the option of getting new friends.

You’re no stranger to wild Jungkook sightings. You both go to the same university, you both have similar classes, you both take full advantage of the dining hall at every opportunity, you both use the library. It’s hard to go ten feet on campus without seeing someone you know, and it’s even harder when you’re actively looking for that person everywhere you go.

So you’ve already seen him a couple of times after the Your Problem Incident - and you may have turned around and completely avoided even thinking about it, but who’s going to judge you for that, really - when you walk into an extra-credit lecture for one of your science classes to immediately zero in on the familiar grin.

You’d foolishly believed this would be a popular lecture and as such would be held in one of the big lecture halls, the ones that seat 100+ people, but no. Of course not. This was in a regular ass classroom, with regular tables and regular students and regular everything, including the dumbass that regularly stars in every single one of your daydreams. The impulse to turn and run jolts through you, but before you can do exactly that, Nayun is calling your name and waving you over to the seat she saved just for you.

Right in front of him.

Several people turn at her call, but you focus your gaze on the chair and refuse to look to see if he’s looking at you. You refuse, you will not be that girl, you have standards, dammit, and grades to keep up, and immense public humiliation to pretend never happened.

You have to pass him to sit at your chair since Satan himself designed the classroom and put the door at the back of the room, as only a literal demon would do. You focus on not falling flat on your face, as you’ve been prone to do when Jungkook is in your range of vision, and as such you’re wholly unprepared for the way his scent floods through your brain.

You’re able to sit before you collapse entirely, legs shaking because he smells so fucking good. You’ve become accustomed to the boys’ volleyball team, who’re known for always wanting to hang out right after practices but not ever wanting to shower after practices. You’ve been friends with guys before. You are very close with several of the guys on the volleyball team. You’ve been around college dudes for three entire years. You know how guys smell, you know they all tend to get wrapped up in whatever boys think about and neglect their own hygiene unless gently reminded that no, Taehyung, girls do not like it when a guy is sweaty.

Apparently, one dude didn’t get the memo, because Jungkook smells like fucking heaven. Clean linens and summer flowers and rainstorms, with a lingering and faint whisper of chlorine that shoves you into the nostalgia of high school summers at the pool with your friends. It’s glorious and wonderful and you’ve never been close enough to smell him before, which you also never thought would ever go through your brain.

You wish you could say you’ve never thought of how he might smell, you really do. But the truth is you are a girl in love, with an overactive imagination and a lot of time spent not writing essays. You’ve imagined a lot of things. And yet. Even in your wildest daydreams, there is no possible way you ever could have expected it to floor you the way it did.

Nayun is saying something and you’re nodding along, but she could be telling you the secret to life itself and you would never know. You’re too focused on him. You can’t look at him - a blessing and a curse, because now you may be able to pay attention to the lecture, but you’ll also be too distracted to think about anything but if he’s looking at you - but you can hear him. You’ve heard him speak before, you’ve built up somewhat of a resistance to his voice and the way it slides along the air, which is such a sappy romantic thing to think but here you fucking are.

You have not, however, heard him speak for such a long period of time about the continuity errors in Boku No Hero Academia. You don’t even know what the fuck that is, never heard the phrase in your entire life, but he’s so passionate about it that you can’t help but listen. He’s making all sorts of points and giving all kinds of examples and you want to nod along just to encourage him. For all you know he could be wrong about every single instance he mentions but fuck, he just sounds so sure of himself and so absolute that it has you wanting to agree.

The sheer confidence in what he’s saying has you getting weak in the knees. He’s such an absolute fucking weeb, and yet it’s always been so sexy to you when someone knows their shit and can prove it. You could have gone your entire life without knowing that that particular kink extended to fucking anime.

The professor walks in shortly after and you are blessedly saved from more of Jungkook’s rants about anime inconsistencies. You’re impossibly wet and you curse yourself for the millionth time for somehow falling for the biggest dork the planet has possibly ever seen. You focus all of your attention on the lecture, doing your best to take notes even as you find yourself doodling the best (read: atrocious) representations of Jungkook in the margins of your notebook.

You groan on the way out. You’d spent the full hour and a half taking sporadic notes between doodles of Jungkook as a prince. You still couldn’t decide if you were imagining the feeling of someone watching you, either. Nayun just laughs and leads you to the dining hall for dinner before you both had to head to practice.

You are blessedly free of Jungkook for exactly four days. It is, in fact, a new record, since the first time you saw him.

It’s turned your life into a hellscape and you hate it.

You look for him around every corner and past every door, and more than once you’ve caught yourself expecting him to walk through the door at the coffee shop for absolutely no reason. You’ve only ever seen him there the one time. There was literally no reason to expect him to show up ever again, and yet each time someone walked in, you responded as if it was the 1500s and the king himself had entered the building.

If you’re being honest, though, your biggest issue with not seeing Jungkook’s dumb ass for four entire days is that it is just long enough for you to start to expect not to see him. It’s just enough time for you to get so accustomed to not seeing him around that you stop turning corners and looking for him immediately. You don’t immediately think 'this is it’ when the bell above the shop door rings. It takes a second to kick in, a delayed response that is still habit but one on its way out.

You miss him, that is definite. You find yourself wishing that he would show up out of the blue one day, spouting some nonsense, just for the sake of hearing it again. His rants about which Bleach character would actually win a fight because 'well, according to the manga,’ his tirades about how the revamp of Voltron is nowhere near as genuine as the original and is clearly pandering, you just…miss it. You never understand a goddamn thing he’s saying but it’s so fucking attractive. He’s so passionate about all of it and he’s so knowledgeable that even the discussion you overheard in the library about the top ten most powerful moves in the entirety of YuYuHakusho had you dripping and running for your apartment, and you miss that.

At this point, though, you should know the universe fucking hates you.

It’s late, close to 2 am, you haven’t slept in too long because you had an away game that afternoon that you lost on a fucking bullshit call and then had to stay to watch the boys’ team play. They, of course, crushed their opponents, which you were proud of, but it only made your defeat that much more bitter. You were still pissed about it when you rolled into work that night, Rose lagging behind to talk to the coach and Jimin glowing beside you with how well his team had done.

You’re tired, you’re pissed, you’re starving, you have a test in six hours that you haven’t studied for, the cafe is mercilessly dead, there’s a guy in the corner building an actual literal scale model of a castle, and all you can think about is the bullshit ref insisting that the ball touched Jisoo’s elbow after she made contact and completely fucking over the last serve of the game in favor of your opponents.

Jimin, the light of your life and angel among men, had gotten your food before your break. It isn’t fancy, two quick drive-thru burgers with fries and a drink, but it may as well be the nectar of the gods with the way you’re inhaling it. The angel and future father of your immaculate conception babies sits on one of the stools against the counter, chin in his hand as he watches you eat. He looks torn between horror and fascination and you can’t blame him for it. It must be a sight to behold: you, behind the shop counter, elbows planted for maximum efficiency, mouth stuffed full of French fries, ripping viciously into a burger as you continue to go off about the bullshit that was your match that day.

Really, you wouldn’t be this mad any other day. But the combination of so many shitty things - hunger, exhaustion, stress, frustration, not having seen the love of your life Jeon Jungkook in y e a r s - has you absolutely livid. You’re well past the end of your break by now, but Rose knows all too well how you are and is graciously letting you vent until you’re less ready to rip the head off the next person that comes in the door.

You express the sentiment to Jimin, who laughs, the fucker, and fail to realize that someone has, actually, just walked into the coffee shop. You’re halfway through your sentence - “I swear to God, Park, if I see that fucking ref again, I’m gonna rip his balls off and shove them so far up his ass that he starts to digest them, what kind of bullshit even was that, her elbow was nowhere near the ball, that foul never would’ve stood if we had been on our court,” - when it registers that Rose is taking an order. You glance over, out of habit more than anything, and proceed to attempt to inhale the food crammed into your mouth as you gasp.

Of course, of fucking course, Jungkook would show up while you’re like this. Your hair is a mess, still damp from the post-game shower, you’ve got some kind of stain on your shirt from the food that’s absolutely smashed into your mouth, and you’ve just been basically shouting expletives all over your workplace, which he definitely heard. It’s made worse because he’s staring at you, eyes wide behind his stupid round glasses, and his striped shirt with fucking ridiculous overalls. You’re torn between planting one on him since he looks so fucking cute and bewildered, decking him straight in the face because where the fuck has he been, and just bolting straight out of the shop because the guy you’ve liked for two fucking years witnessed all of that and you want to die.

You stare at him and he stares at you, looking as shocked as you feel. Jimin is just looking between the two of you, a shit-eating grin overtaking his face as he starts to connect dots you never ever wanted him to connect, because-

“Jungkook-ah, I didn’t know you came here!” Jimin says, grinning at the younger boy and one of his very best friends. He’s got a glint in his eye that you recognize and you contemplate not for the first time if you could actually impale him with a coffee stirrer.

“Oh, yeah, well…” Jungkook stutters and you hate that it’s so cute. “The others close to my dorm are all really busy at this time of night, y'know, so I like to get coffee on this side of campus so it’s still coffee and not watered down when I get back to my dorm.”

“Why don’t you just drink it here?” Jimin asks as he stirs his own coffee that had long since gone cold, as if he had every right in the world to offer up your coffee shop to a literal God among men. “It’s quiet, you could probably get more work done here than in your dorm. I remember you said your neighbors have been keeping you up.”

Jungkook turns red and looks away. Rose takes the opportunity to slide his iced coffee across to him and he takes it with a smile that makes your heart melt. You watch the exchange with more focus than you probably should, and the food is forgotten in lieu of your future husband right there in front of you for the first time in days.

“I guess I could,” Jungkook eventually says, eyes darting all over. They rest on you every few minutes before quickly flying away, and it makes you even more self-conscious of the stain on your shirt and the way grease has no doubt pooled around your mouth. You grab a napkin to try to clean yourself up as Jungkook continues. “I just don’t know if I could focus here, y'know, there’re a lot of…distractions.”

The silence that follows the statement is deafening, only broken by the quiet huffs of the guy building a castle in the corner.

Jungkook turns even redder and ruffles the back of his hair. It’s impossibly cute and you’re halfway to offering to ruffle it for him, either between his sheets or in the alley out back, when Jimin cuts you off.

“Well, you should consider it, at least. I always have the best times here, even with all the distractions.” Jimin sips at his coffee as he speaks and you get the very distinct sense that he’s teasing Jungkook about something you don’t know. The younger boy just smiles and gives a quick bye to Jimin and Rose. You like to think his smile softens as he looks at you, and the way he says your name as he waves will forever be embedded into your mind.

He’s gone before you can respond and you’re glad, sure you must be at least as red as the strawberry syrup. Jimin whirls on you the second Jungkook is out of sight, Rose doing her best to pretend she isn’t mortified for you.

“I cannot believe that you didn’t tell me - me - that the guy you’ve been pining after all these years is Jungkook.” Jimin sounds scandalized and betrayed and his face just makes you think of- “Top Ten Anime Betrayals, really.”

“Fuck, this is exactly why I didn’t want you to know! I used his codename for a reason.” You whine, dropping your head to the countertop with a resounding thud.

“Oh, yes, because Dumb DumbDook is oh-so-subtle,” Rose mutters. You ignore her.

“I could have been doing wingman work this whole time, though! Imagine how much further along you’d be if I’d been able to hype you up every time I hang out with him. You’d be able to talk to him, five words at least.” You smack Rose when she laughs.

“No, absolutely not. There’s no way it’s gonna happen, Jimin, I can’t set myself up for that failure.” You shake your head and go back to your food, though you’re much less angry after seeing your weeb. “Besides, we’ve got like…nothing in common, what would we even talk about?”

“Are you serious?” The deadpan is what catches your attention, and when you glance up, the look Jimin is giving is scathing. “I’ve heard you gush about his nerd rants, alright, you said yourself you could listen to him talk for weeks without getting bored of hearing his voice.”

“Conversations are a two-way street, Jimin. What the fuck could I contribute to that?”

“Uh…you’re kidding me, right? You didn’t see that face he made while you were doing your whole 'I’m gonna shit talk the ref because he made a call I didn’t like’ thing.”

“It was bullshit and you know it, he never would’ve done that shit for the other side.”

“Point stands, dude. Kook could listen to you go off about your sports shit for just as long as you could with his anime shit. I’d put money on it.”

“You’re delusional, Park, but I’m gonna let you live in this fantasy world because it’s nice to have company here.” He scoffs but doesn’t press the topic, which you’re thankful for. Instead, you fish your study guide out of your bag and hand it to him so he can quiz you about the test you have in four hours.

It seems that Jungkook takes Jimin’s word as law because he starts to show up more and more often. At first, it was just the coffee shop, where he would order his iced black and then leave with a shy smile that had you melting. Then he was at the library at the same time you were, one table over and typing furiously away at his laptop. You assumed it was for a class until he disappeared and returned with a printed copy and you caught the “Neon Genesis Evangelion: A New Order, Chapter Five” at the top.

You won’t lie, you did judge him just a bit for that because you don’t even know anything about the show but no way in hell would you be caught dead printing your fanfic on wireless school computers when cloud hacks are a thing.

He appears at your favorite takeout place, too; not that he saw you since you dove behind a fish tank to avoid getting caught. You’d watched carefully through the water as he waited, looking around in the meantime as if in search of something. He almost looked dejected when he left, though you didn’t know why until you got your food and found out they were out of crab rangoon like you hadn’t just been playing peekaboo with one in the fish tank for twenty minutes.

The thing that really gets you, though, the one that grinds your gears, is how he makes the coffee shop his thing. He just keeps showing up, night after night, and while at first he just left with his coffee, he apparently decided that wasn’t enough, because now he stays. He parks himself at the corner table near the outlet and taps away at his laptop while you try to do any semblance of work. He’s so distracting. He makes the most adorable faces - the brow furrow and slight frown when he’s focused and trying to figure something out, the clenched jaw with tongue in cheek when he’s irritated or frustrated, the cute ass bunny smile that makes you want to jump off a bridge and/or push him off a bridge.

Honestly, if you’re being truthful, you could’ve gotten used to that. He’s quiet and doesn’t talk much and even though you can feel him nearby like a sunflower to the sun, you could’ve managed eventually.

The issue is that his nerd friends start joining him, and they are not quiet. They are loud and argumentative and enjoy debating their dweeb things and they especially enjoy dragging Jungkook into said dweebates, if you will. Which in and of itself is not terrible. You’ve had a literal debate team in here practicing, you’re accustomed to that kind of thing.

No, the issue is that Jungkook is like the king weeb. He seems to know everything about everything complete with sources to back it up and even if he doesn’t know something he can either find out in ten seconds or he can bullshit his way to being right. And it’s so goddamn sexy. He just fucking…owns the other nerds, no matter what the subject is, and he’s so confident and sure and he gets sassy with them when he knows he’s right and they’re wrong. The body language, the expression on his face, the way he just stomps them into the dirt…it gets you hot and bothered every fucking time, and it’s a problem, because you’re at work. It is not socially acceptable to kidnap someone into the break room to fuck their brains out because they just won an argument about whether Yu Gi Oh or Pokemon was a more successful trading card game.

It’s made even even worse because Jungkook has started to pay attention to your rants. Every time you have a game or watch one with the team, you and Rose spend at least part of your shift talking about the ups and downs, what can be improved, what you specifically need to work on and how you can do it. One night the two of you spent upwards of an hour debating whether Lang Ping or Mireya was a better overall player and why, and when you finally stopped to restock the coffee beans, Jungkook was staring at you with a look in his eyes that you couldn’t place.

Of course, that was when you turned and hid in the storage room for the rest of your shift, but the point fucking stands.

Jeon Jungkook is a menace and he is taking over your life and you really should be more mad about it. It almost comes to a head when Jimin drags you to a swim meet, which you have attended exactly zero times in your entire life because who the fuck cares about swim meets.

“Trust me,” He had pleaded. “I want to go to support some friends, but I’m gonna be bored if I have to sit alone on the bleachers.” You’d eventually caved when he promised to buy you food, and now your ass was planted on the most uncomfortable stand seats you’ve ever been on and you were about to pop a blood vessel because Jimin was being so fucking infuriating about everything. He’d pulled you straight from practice, not letting you change or shower or anything, and he’d been trying to goad you into a debate the entire time you’d been waiting for the meet to start. It was legitimately starting to get you riled up, even as you stretched your legs out, thighs spread wide as your fingers massaged the muscles in your familiar post-game routine.

“For the last fucking time, Jimin, no, the Canada/Mexico save was not better than the fucking Italy/France save!” He rolls his eyes, but he opened this can of worms so now he has to suffer with you. “It was flashier, sure, with the sliding and the moving of the barriers, but the Italy/France save was more technically sound and less likely to result in any kind of ref interference. They were both good, sure, but there is no way you can truly believe that the flashier and less technically sound and less safe of the two is actually better.”

“Oh, your boyfriend’s waving,” Jimin says as he smiles and waves, eyes turning into crescents as he does.

“What? I don’t have a-” You stop when you look. You really should have expected this because life is a cruel mistress and the universe itself is even crueler, but here you were. Rendered speechless by the sight of Jungkook. In swim pants. Shirtless.

“You’re drooling,” Jimin comments dryly.

“Fuck off, it’s not my fault he’s sculpted by the gods.” You don’t even bother to look at Jimin, too focused on the way Jungkook’s back flexes as he pulls himself out of the water. Time legitimately slows, water falling off of him and trailing down abs you did not know were there, and your heart honest to God stops beating. “What the fuck is he even doing here?”

“He’s on the swim team,” Jimin smirks and calls Jungkook over before you can shove your hand over his mouth. “Kook-ah, good luck! You’re gonna do great!”

“Thanks, hyung,” Jungkook says with an excited grin as he jogs over. You don’t think you take a single breath in the five minutes they chat. Your chest may actually explode, and you’re tempted to dive into the pool not two feet away to cool off. Jungkook steps back like he’s going to leave, giving you a small smile as he does.

“Wait, Jungkook, remind me, how did you get into swimming? Someone was curious,” Jimin nods ever so subtly to you but you can’t even find the strength to be upset because Jungkook’s chest is right there and you want to run your tongue along his muscles.

“Oh, there’s actually this anime called Free! I don’t know if you’ve heard of it, it’s really good, but it’s about these swimmers. They complete and a lot of it is them learning how to get better at their techniques so I thought, 'well, that can’t be that hard can it?’“ You let out a quiet sob. He’s just…you clench your fist in your lap and sigh. He’s just such a fucking nerd. Jungkook shoots you a somewhat worried look but continues. “It’s how I learned archery and boxing, too. I saw them in manga and got really interested and figured if the characters can do it, why can’t I?”

“God, that’s so fucking nerdy,” You mutter. It doesn’t register that you spoke out loud until you see Jungkook’s reddening face and hear Jimin’s soft choke. “In a good way! I mean, I think it’s…it’s really awesome that you just saw it and did it, that’s really…” Don’t say sexy. “…cool.”

Jungkook stares at you, cheeks reddened, and you struggle not to start digging your own grave here and now in the middle of this indoor pool area. You’re about to stand and do exactly that when Jungkook’s face brightens and his nose crinkles and the most blinding grin you’ve ever seen in your life takes over his face as his shoulders bunch up. Your eyes are probably actual fucking hearts now, it’s easily the most adorable thing you’ve ever seen on a human male as tall and buff as he is, and it kind of makes you want to shove him in the pool.

You really don’t have to, though, because he just shakes his head and turns to go back to the swimmer’s benches or whatever they’re called in swimming. He’s ruffling the back of his hair again and watching the ground, but he keeps turning back to beam at you and Jimin. You see it before Jimin does, and both of you start to call for him when his heel slips and he falls completely back into the water.

Every face in the area turns to look at where Jungkook is surfacing, wiping his face and slicking his hair back out of his face. The sight of it nearly sends you into heart palpitations because you honestly didn’t think he could get more fucking attractive but you were wrong. You force yourself to calm down because Jimin is too busy rolling on the ground beside you to be of any use in resuscitating you if your heart actually gave out.

“Ah, nani,” You hear Jungkook mutter as he climbs out of the pool and you wish you had a brick to hit yourself with because of course, of fucking course, he looks so fucking good and is so fucking bone-meltingly hot and still says weeb shit like ‘ah, nani’ when he falls into a goddamn pool.

You’re honestly legitimately fucked and the fact that you don’t even care anymore says a lot more about you than you want it to.

It all actually comes to a head nearly a week after the swim meet. The sight of a wet and dripping and half-naked Jungkook doesn’t leave your mind, forever burned into your retinas, but even more wonderful is the shy, bashful Jungkook that greets you the next day at the coffee shop. It’s almost like he thinks you’re going to tease him, as if he didn’t see you shoving your whole mouth full of junk while cursing out a ref, as if he didn’t fully hear you tell him ‘your problem!’ with a happy grin and death in your eyes the first time he came into the shop.

It’s just…it’s so fucking cute that you physically cannot contain it anymore, and you find yourself bemoaning your state of perpetual adoration with Jisoo and Rose while you all shower after the latest match.

“I’m just going to suffer for the rest of my life aren’t I?” You say, speaking louder than you typically would in order to be heard over the several showerheads currently running. “It’s too much for my heart to take, absolutely too much, he’s too fucking…ugh, clenches fist, he’s too fucking cute.”

“Did you just verbalize the ‘clenches fist’ meme?” Rose shoots from her own stall. You shoot a face at the wall separating you, not that she can see it. “Listen, you know how I feel about this. You need to make a move because that boy never will. He’s a mess.”

“Wow, who else do we know that’s also a mess at all times for the guy they’ve liked for years?” Jisoo comments from her own shower across the way. You groan and kick your stall door, which only results in a muffled curse and you cradling your toe as you balance precariously on one foot.

“Do not injure yourself, we have a tournament next weekend,” Rose says offhandedly. You huff.

“Why would I even make a move? He’s got…Hatsune Miku and anime girls and shit.”

“Oh, of course,” Rose says. “I forgot, every guy would willingly give up a gorgeous, real-life girl willing to fuck him senseless for a pretty cartoon. Silly me.”

“What I don’t get,” Nayun calls from the locker room proper. “Is why you think he isn’t interested. He gets a chub every time he so much as looks at you, and don’t think Jimin didn’t tell me about the swim meet. The boy fell into a pool.”

“Yeah, because he’s a goddamn idiot.” You shake your head and wash the conditioner from your hair.

“What if we dare you to do it?” Rose’s voice echoes from too close. You turn and see her silhouette against the plastic shower curtain. She takes your confused silence as permission to continue. “Seriously, if we dare you to ask him out, will you?”

“What the fuck,” You say, sticking your head out of the curtain to level a glare at her. “I’m not ten years old, why the fuck would I do something just because you dare me to?”

“Bet, then,” Jisoo says as she wraps her hair in a towel. Your eyes must be wide as saucers because she laughs. “Bet on it. If the boys lose this game, you have to ask him out.”

“No no,” Rose says, and a familiar and all-too-dangerous grin spreads on her face. “If the boys lose this game, you have to confess. Do the gift and the letter and the whole fucking anime thing for him. If they win, we’ll drop it, and listen to your moaning and groaning for the rest of forever without complaint or comment.” Jisoo and Nayun look much too excited at the prospect, but you’ve been watching the boys play all season.

“What kind of bet is that? The boys haven’t lost a game all season.”

“Then you don’t have anything to worry about, do you?” Rose says, grinning as she saunters over to put her street clothes on. “Five minutes before game start.” You curse and rush to finish your shower, determined not to run laps for being late again.

As fate would have it, you do have reason to worry, because apparently, the rival university recruited some fucking professional athlete super mutants or some shit. It’s a close game, the boys only losing by one, but with the level of skill they’ve been playing with all season, it should’ve been an easy win.

And yet.

You’re standing outside the boys’ locker room, waiting patiently for Jimin. It’s a routine you got into when you first met, just after you’d both joined the respective teams. He would wait for you and you would wait for him, as long as it took, especially after a loss. You’re still in shock, still reeling from the game itself. You would almost think Jimin had found out about the bet and thrown the game, just to get you to shut the fuck up about Jungkook, if you didn’t know him.

If you didn’t see the dedication he put into the game, the perfection he expected of himself and his team. It rivals even Rose’s, and you can hear him yelling from where you stand, slamming what is probably his fist into a locker several times before he falls silent. As much as you had riding on this game, as pissed as you are that you lost the bet, you know it’s minuscule in comparison to the way Jimin feels, and you can’t even summon up enough energy to fool yourself otherwise. You’ve known him too long.

When he finally does emerge, you help wrap his knuckles with a clean bandage and ruffle his hair. “It’ll be alright, Park,” You tell him, quiet. He doesn’t say anything, just nods, and you sling your arm around his shoulder to lead him to your car. He’s quiet the rest of the night, even as you eat shitty fast food burgers in your car, even as he sits at the counter at the coffee shop, textbook open in front of him but not reading it.

“So I bet the girls that I would do an anime confession for Jungkook if you lost, you wanna help me plan it?” You ask him towards the end of your shift, long after said dork is gone from the shop. It’s the only time you see Jimin smile all night, but it’s worth it for the way his eyes crinkle and he starts outlining ideas.

“Did you even sleep last night?”

“I’ll sleep when I’m dead,” Jimin responds as he chugs the rest of his coffee. Calling it coffee is generous, if you’re honest because it smells like he put twenty espresso shots in a cup and added some sugar. You force back a gag and shudder at the thought. “Everything’s in place?”

“This isn’t a bank heist, Jimin, I’m giving him a fucking box and a letter.” Even behind sunglasses you can tell the look he’s giving you is withering. “Whatever, yes, everything’s in place.”

“Good. Target sighted. Commence mission.”

You huff, grumbling as you move forward to the door. Of the cafe. Where you work. Where Jungkook is sitting, surrounded by his dork friends and heatedly arguing about something you no doubt have no clue about. Looking absolutely delectable, despite just being in a regular ass fucking jacket and a beanie that almost matches his skin and his hair looks so soft that you want to rub your face in it and also maybe bury your fingers in it while he’s between your legs.

You open the door and are immediately hit with the sound of Rose choking on her drink, the sudden conversation about which dps character is better - what the fuck that means, you don’t know - screeching to a halt, and every single person in the shop staring at you. Which is only like three people that aren’t Rose, Jungkook, Jimin, or the six people around Jungkook, but still. You force yourself not to throw up and move, cursing the itchy and uncomfortable dress the entire way.

Really, it was Jimin’s fault. You’d been brainstorming ways to confess and how to make it so perfectly Jungkook that he at least had to respond. He’d been the one to suggest dressing up as Hatsune Miku, which you, of course, nixed immediately. You weren’t about to spend who knows how much on a fucking wig and costume of one of the most popular cartoon characters of the modern age, not when you were only going to use it one fucking time.

So here you fucking are, dressed up like god damn Haruhi Fujioka, in an itchy yellow dress that doesn’t move where it should and feels like fucking sandpaper against your skin, that Jimin just happened to have on hand, like that wasn’t super fucking weird, and now everyone at your place of employment is staring at you and the small white box in your hands with a little pink envelope on top of it and you can hear Rose’s muffled laughter as you step further into the shop.

You stare at the ground as you walk, determined to get this over with as quickly as possible. It doesn’t take more than a few steps before you’re staring down at Jungkook’s Timbs. You take a deep breath, and then another, and then another before you look up. He’s openly gawking, jaw nearly on the floor as he looks you up and down. Not a single soul is making a noise in the shop, so your voice rings out loud clear as you say–

“My chest hurts when I think about this person. When this person is happy, I am happy. When he smiles, I feel like crying. I distinguish his voice better than other people’s. I think this person is respectable. I want to become this person’s strength. I have scored more than 80 points, and it’s official. I-” You stop, cursing the fact that you’re doing this at three in the fucking morning on your day off in your workplace all because of a fucking bet and the fact that you couldn’t shut up about Jungkook’s stupid fucking face for more than two minutes without being in danger of combustion. “I like him, and I hope that he feels the same.”

You shove the white box into his hands and turn on your heel. Without looking back, you march out the door, grabbing Jimin on the way even as Jungkook calls after you. You keep going, walking quicker than you ever have to get to your apartment as fast as possible. Jimin just laughs as he follows you.

“I can’t believe you actually did it, holy shit. I hope he likes the chocolates, you worked really hard on them.”

“This is going to end up on the internet, I just know it, and I’m stating right now that this was not how I ever wanted to fucking tell him.” Jimin laughs again and hands you the coffee Rose had made you. When you finally make it back to your apartment, he helps you take the dress off and gets the pint of ice cream out of the freezer so you can wallow in peace.

“You don’t even know what he’s going to say,” Jimin protests, though he heaps his own spoon with ice cream in the process.

“I walked up to him in a jank cosplay of a shojo manga character and confessed my fucking love for him, Jimin.” He balks at the look you give him. “I don’t care how much of an otaku he is, he’s gonna think I’m fucking weird.”

“Well, don’t count yourself out just yet, alright?” Jimin ruffles your hair and you swat at him. “You never know. Maybe he’s really into Ouran and you just don’t know it.” You groan and bury your face in a pillow in an attempt to smother yourself. It doesn’t work.

It still hasn’t worked the next day when you wake up around noon to find Jimin gone and your dishes done for you. You grumble about it since you had every intention of doing your own dishes, but you send him a quick ‘thanks for washing my grime bitch’ because no matter how capable you are, you never want to do them.

It’s later that night when you’re fresh out of the shower and getting ready to head to your practice except for the fact that you can’t find your fucking keys that there’s a knock on your door. You open it without looking and dive back into the couch, bent nearly in half while you dig through the cushions. “Hey, Nayun, I’m almost ready, I just have to find my keys. I think Jimin threw them somewhere last night, after that fucking debacle at the shop-” A choked noise that definitely does not sound like Nayun reaches your eyes and you bolt upright, eyes wide.

Jungkook stands in the doorway to your apartment, wide eyes darting up from where he most definitely was staring at your ass and his face bright red. “Jimin gave me your address. Um…can we talk?”

You really want to say no. You want to tell him that no, you can’t, because you have volleyball practice, as he can tell from your uniform, and you absolutely cannot be late because Rose will literally use your entrails to make a new net.

Instead what comes out is, “Sure!”

You wave him in and close the door behind him, shooting off a quick text to Rose to let her know you might be late or may not show up at all, you’re not really sure because motherfucking Jeon Jungkook just showed up at your door. All you get back is a string of the cry-laughing emojis, and you curse whatever deity decided she should walk this earth with mortals.

“So,” Jungkook says. It’s long and drawn out, like he doesn’t really know where to go from here, but you’re distracted because he looks so good. Matching grey hoodie and sweats that are just the right side of baggy, standard Timbs, hair pushed to the side slightly to show off a bit of forehead. God, what is the world coming to that you’re this worked up over some fucking forehead?

“So,” You echo.

“Did you mean those things you said yesterday?” You hesitate and he takes it as an answer in itself. “Listen, I…I get it, y’know? You’re this super cool volleyball star, and I’m a big nerd who swims, haha, let’s tease the kid about his crush, but…it didn’t really seem like you were teasing. And now I’m confused because I can’t tell if you actually meant any of that or if you were just…dared to do it.”

“I was. Kind of. It was a bet, actually.” Jungkook’s face falls and you wince. “No, not like that, it wasn’t. Fuck, okay, it wasn’t a mean bet. I made a bet with the girls on the team that if the boys lost their game, then I would confess my feelings to you in some big dramatic anime way, like all that shit you like, right, and then the boys actually lost their game, so I had to do it, and then, wait.” Your brain catches up. “Did you say you have a crush on me?”

Jungkook’s face is still slightly pink, but he’s got the most tentative bunny smile on and he looks so unbearably fond that your heart is breaking. “I did,” He says softly. “So you really have feelings for me?”

“I’ve been in love with you for more than two years,” You blurt. You immediately want to take it back, want to suck the words back in before they can escape and embarrass you further, but it’s too late. “I mean…I was an orientation leader with Jimin right before my second year and you were in his group, and I saw you talking to some people and you were just really super cute and you have a really nice smile and I was kind of hooked and then later that year we were both at the dining hall and I was sitting near you and this guy said something about some anime and you were all, ‘really, because if you’d bothered to watch the show then you’d know blah blah blah’ and it was the single hottest anime takedown I’ve ever seen.”

Jungkook is silent through your babble, though his smile just grows and he fluffs the back of his hair. He looks around your apartment briefly, like he’s looking for words, and he’s got the prettiest flush on his face and you want to kiss it but he hasn’t said anything.

“I went to your first volleyball match that year, and you spiked a ball into a girl’s face,” He admits. You remember that match, mostly because- “And then you argued with the ref for almost ten minutes about whether or not you deserved a penalty for it because technically she was the one that tried to hit the ball with her face, you hadn’t tried to hit her in the face. I’ve never been so turned on by sports in my entire life.”

“I once spat water out my nose because you said hi to me in the dining hall.”

“I fell into that pool because you looked really fucking hot in your uniform and I couldn’t process the fact that you thought my anime shit was cool.”

“I want to lick your abs.”

He stops at that, and for a second, for a single second you think maybe you went too far, but then he’s glancing around at the apartment as if he’s actually looking for something now. “Is there anyone else here?” He eventually asks. You can’t even finish shaking your head before he’s on you, pressing his mouth to yours in a feverish kiss.

You want to say that it was soft and sweet and gentle at first, but it wasn’t, at all. The two of you had too much pent up sexual frustration for that. Instead, his lips move against yours with a ferocity you didn’t expect, and his hand on the back of your neck is unforgiving as he tilts your jaw to get deeper into your mouth.

“Fuck, Kook,” You moan, hands already roaming along his sweatshirt. “Please take it off, I’m begging you.” He chuckles, the sound low and rumbling against your lips and it sends a wave of arousal crashing through you even as he strips his hoodie off to reveal nothing underneath. You feast your eyes on the muscles he keeps hidden away, hands hesitating as they start to run along the skin. Jungkook doesn’t seem to mind, seems to actually bask in it, and he chuckles again as he lets his hands fall to your hips.

“Do you have any idea how long I’ve waited for this?” He whispers in your ear, and you find yourself shaking at the way it feels. Erotic and sensual and hot as fuck, you want to return the favor, but you find yourself at a loss.

“Do you have any idea how long I’ve waited for this?” You ask, pushing against his chest and walking back with him until his knees hit the couch. “Do you know how often I’ve thought of this?” You push again and he falls back onto it, hands coming to grip your thighs as you straddle him, and you make sure to grind your hips against his as you move to whisper into his ear. “How often I’ve touched myself thinking of you?”

Jungkook moans, and you want to etch the sound into your fucking skin, it’s absolutely glorious. He says your name like it’s a curse and you’ve never wanted someone more. You grind yourself against the stiffness you can feel through his sweats, your own volleyball shorts leaving little to the imagination. You’re absolutely soaked, and you know it’s going to be a bitch to wash but you could not give less of a fuck right now.

He rolls his hips up to meet yours and it’s your turn to moan, hands coming up to brace on his shoulders as your tongue slides along his neck and down to his throat. His breath hitches when you graze the skin there with your teeth, so you repeat the action. His hands tighten at your hips and slide to palm your ass; you never thought a guy’s hand on your ass would feel as good as it does, but you also never thought you’d be making out with Jeon Jungkook on your couch instead of going to practice.

“Fuck, Kook,” You moan into his mouth as he slides his right hand up your shirt to cup your breast. It’s more difficult than it usually would be, as you wear your sports bras to practice, but it doesn’t seem to faze him. “Need you.”

“Don’t wanna fuck you on your couch yet,” He replies between the slide of his tongue against yours. “Your room, wanna make you come in your bed first.” Your legs tremble at the thought and you push yourself up. It’s hard to stand, your legs are wobbly, but Jungkook doesn’t even seem to notice it as you turn. His chest is pressed against your back immediately, one arm wrapped around your waist to keep you steady while the other gropes your ass. His mouth is harsh on your neck and you can feel the bruises forming but at this point, you don’t even care.

You press yourself into him, and you can feel him. He curves, you can already tell; the heat radiating from the hardness pressed into the swell of your ass is delicious, and another wave of wetness seeps into your shorts as you think about what it’s gonna be like with him inside.

“You have no idea what these shorts do to me,” He whispers, nipping at the skin of your neck one last time before he slaps your ass - hard. You yelp, more in surprise than anything, but before you can say anything he’s pushing at your hips to force you through the apartment.

You’ve only made it to your bed faster once before this, when you thought you were being chased by an ax murderer that turned out to be a coat rack.

Jungkook isn’t gentle when you get to your room. He doesn’t even pause, just flips you around and shoves you onto the bed. It shouldn’t be nearly as hot as it is, and you’re quivering a little because of it. He slides between your legs, hands running slowly up your thighs, and it seems that now he’s decided to take his time.

His touch is feather-light against your skin. You can barely feel his hands as they slide up your thighs and over your hips, around your waist, and between your breasts, but you can’t ever deny where they are. You’re hyperaware of him, and the smirk on his face tells you that he knows it. The competitive side of you, the one that makes you so fucking vicious during games, swells; he needs to know you’re not one to take it lying down, and he needs to know now.

Your legs move up around his waist and you push, using all your weight to flip the two of you so he straddles you once more. He’s rock solid against your ass and you grind back into it. His hands slide along your waist again and he pouts a little.

“Wanted to taste you,” He whines, fingers dipping just below the waistband of your shorts. You hook your thumbs in alongside his and pull, letting the material slide down just enough to tease.

“So do it,” You tell him. He looks confused for a second before recognition washes over him. His dick twitches behind you, but you pay it no mind. You rise up enough to slide your shorts off, a true feat of excellence considering how tight they are, and when you settle back down on your knees, his tongue runs across your slit. You gasp at the feeling and he takes this as permission to continue.

Whatever you expected him to be like in bed, every sexual fantasy you’ve ever had about him, none could ever live up to the reality of Jungkook’s tongue sliding between your folds to flick your clit. You moan, nails digging into your thighs.

“You like that, princess?” He asks, muffled by your thighs and pussy. You nod before realizing that he may not be able to see you.

“Yes, I do,” You tell him, and your nails dig in harder when he flicks it again. He continues, tongue darting out to tease you but not giving you enough to get you where you want to go. You growl, and he laughs.

“Maybe you should be kitten instead if you’re going to growl at me.” You shudder at the name, and when you look down with red cheeks, he has one brow raised. “Really? Kitten?”

“Shut up, I know you have a Hatsune Miku body pillow,” You tell him. He looks ready to protest but you lower yourself so his lips brush your folds. He takes the hint, thankfully, and lets his hands curl up to grip your hips. “Put that fucking mouth to work, Jungkook, or so help me-” You’re cut off by an unexpected moan. He slides his tongue along you once more, from clit to hole, and you whimper.

You can literally feel the smirk against your pussy and you rock down onto him. He laps up your juices, swirling his tongue around your clit and back down to your hole. You grind your hips down into his mouth, desperate for more friction, and you feel soft breaths against you as he chuckles. You whine and he takes pity, angling himself better before sliding his tongue tantalizingly slow into you. You clench around him and are left unsatisfied. As wonderful and skilled as it is, it’s not nearly big enough to do what you need it to. Still, it feels damn good as he thrusts it in and out of you, good enough that when he starts to pull away, your hands dart down and tangle in his hair to keep him right where he is. You can feel your orgasm coming, it’s so close you can taste it, and when he slides a finger over your clit, you break.

Your hips stutter in their rhythm and you slide yourself to the side so he can breathe properly once more. He’s got a grin on his face and looks entirely too pleased with himself. He moves to lay between your legs, pressing soft kisses to your torso and thighs with every breath, and the fondness in your chest swells.

You can see him straining his sweats, it has to hurt, and yet here he is, showering you with kisses and sweet nothings instead of immediately trying to get off himself. What a refreshing change of pace.

“Thank you,” He mutters with a laugh, and you realize you’d been talking out loud. “I do really, really want to fuck you, though.” He trails kisses up your neck to your ear and you shiver. “Would you like that, kitten?” You whine and arousal courses through you once more. He trails kisses back down and unsnaps your bra; you would have to remember to thank Jisoo for suggesting you get a clasped sports bra, because it’s never been helpful before but thank God you don’t have to try to peel yourself out of a regular one now.

Jungkook presses his lips against your nipple lightly, fingers ghosting over the other to stiffen it. “You didn’t answer me, kitten. Do you want me to fuck you? Do you want me to slide into that pretty pussy?” You whimper, doing your damndest to pull him far enough that you can grind against something that isn’t air, but he holds his body just far enough away that you can’t. He gives your nipple little kitten licks, his saliva making the air that much colder and your nipples that much harder.

“You’re so wet for me, kitten,” He mutters as he lets his free hand rest on your thigh, thumb swiping lazily over your hipbone. “Can you feel it? Because I can, even from here. You’re absolutely soaked, I could probably just slide right in. Do you want that, kitten? You want me to pound that little pussy of yours until you can’t walk straight?”

“Fuck, Kook, please,” You moan. Your hands slide along his body, looking for any kind of purchase and finding none. He’s enjoying himself too much, and you’re too desperate right now to do anything about it. “Please, Kook, please fuck me already. I swear to god, I’m gonna send your fucking Evangelion fanfic to your professors if you don’t get in me soon.”

“How do you even know about that?” He asks, momentarily stunned out of character. You give him a satisfied grin.

“Wouldn’t you like to know?” You lift your hips off the bed completely, letting them brush lightly against him. He stifles a moan and closes his eyes for a moment. When he opens them, your entire body shivers with delight; he’s still that dumbass weeb but fuck, he looks like he’s going to absolutely wreck you.

“I’m gonna fuck this slut pussy of yours until you’re gushing, you hear me, kitten?” He says, kicking his sweats off. You don’t even get a chance to appreciate the sight of his dick before he’s lining up with your hole, the tip brushing against your clit in the process and making you moan. “I’m gonna fucking pound your pussy until it’s so fucking full you can’t remember your own name, let alone random shit about me. You’re gonna be begging for my cock, all day every day.”

“Fuck, Kook, yes, please, I want that,” You grind your hips up again and he moves, sliding inside of you in one easy movement. The stretch burns at first; he’s fucking huge, and he does curve, and it presses against every inch of you in such a phenomenal way that you never want him to stop. Your eyes must have rolled back in your head because when you open them, Jungkook has one hand stroking your cheek as the other supports his weight.

“Are you good?” He asks, soft and gentle. You nod, rolling your hips in a quick circle to let him know how good. He lets out another groan, soft and muffled, as if he’s containing himself. “You’ll let me know if you need me to stop?” You nod again. “Fuck, kitten, you’re so good for me.”

He starts to move then, dick dragging against your walls as he pulls back out slowly before slamming back in. Your moan echoes through the apartment, but all you hear is the soft call of your name from his lips as he repeats the motion. You raise your hips to meet his thrusts and it only takes a couple of minutes before you’re both panting. Your legs lock around his hips to bring him in deeper and he moans at the contact. He sits back on his knees and brings you up with him.

You’ve wanted to ride his dick for years, and it’s so much better than you ever thought. Every drag of his cock has you clenching, every thrust with this new angle has him hitting your g-spot and you’re seeing stars. He’s got one hand on the small of your back to keep you steady and the other on the back of your neck so he can bring you in close and kiss you deeply, whispering sweet nothings in your ear when he has to breathe.

The two of you move in tandem, hips gyrating against each other’s as you chase that high together. Having him inside of you feels like heaven and you never want it to stop. He starts to pull out and you shake your head, slamming your hips down onto his with renewed vigor.

“Gonna cum,” He huffs, and you press a kiss to his cheek.

“Good,” You tell him. His grip on you tightens and he slams into you harder. “Fucking cum inside me, Kook, please.” He moans, loud and unashamed, as he hits deeper inside of you with more force than you expect. You’re bouncing on his dick now, there’s no other word for it, and you fucking love it.

“Fuck, kitten, gonna fill you up so good,” He mutters. You nod, feeling the pressure inside of you tighten. “Gonna paint you with it gonna cover your pussy with my cum, want you to feel me inside you for days. Fuck, take it, kitten, take my cum inside, all of it, don’t let a single drop fall out.” He slams into you, again and again and again. Your throat is raw from the screams, you’re pretty sure he has scratch marks on his back, but you can’t bring yourself to care because, fuck, he feels so good.

He slams into your g-spot again, at the same time he kisses you deep and moves his hand to rub against your clit, and your orgasm slams into you like a freight train. You can’t even say anything, moans swallowed up by Jungkook’s mouth, but he knows by the way you clench and spasm around his cock, you can tell, because it only takes a few more shallow thrusts and he’s over that edge with you. You can feel his hot seed settling inside, spreading to fill you completely.

He lays you back on your bed, gentle, and slides out. His cum starts to seep out of you, you can feel it on your thighs, and when you open your eyes, he’s staring at the sight.

“Is this…something to be worried about?” He eventually asks. You shake your head and tap your bicep.

“Implant,” You tell him. “We’re good.” He nods and leans forward, and you feel his finger slide up your slit once more, gathering all of his cum before he pushes it back inside of you. When he’s satisfied that you’re as full as can be, he lays down next to you and tugs you into a lazy embrace. You take his hand and lick it clean, surprised at the fresh wave of arousal that hits despite your exhaustion. He smiles, cute and bunny-like, with the nose scrunch and everything, and you let yourself get lost in it.

He traces invisible shapes on your skin with his hands, all over your thighs and belly and arms and chest, and it’s an intimacy you’ve never had before. You watch him, eyes following each curve he makes, and trying to figure out what he’s drawing.

“It’s not Hatsune Miku,” He eventually says. You raise your brows at him and he grins. “I don’t have a Hatsune Miku body pillow.”

“Oh,” is all you can say. “Well, then, I’m sorry I misjudged you.”

“It’s Nami from One Piece,” He admits. You roll your eyes and grab a pillow to smack him.

“This is why we can’t have nice things, Kook.”

“I disagree.”

“What do you mean, you disagree?”

“I’ve got you, don’t I?”

The blush on your face gives you away even as you suppress the smile, but Jungkook lets you pretend, content to continue drawing on you with his fingertips. It’s the first time you’ve felt content and at peace in two years, and - you can’t believe you’re about to think this - you’re glad you put on that fucking cosplay.

[killiansprincss]

Never Forget You Ch.10

Summary: Season 6A Canon Divergence.

Emma is happy. Finally happy with her parents, son and boyfriend. But this happiness is taken away from her when the Evil Queen curses her and turns her into a toddler.

Heartbroken and angry, Killian and Henry run away to Neverland to wait for Emma to break her curse. But when she does break it and comes looking for them 25 years later, she soon realises this Neverland is very different now it is no longer under Pans rule.

Will she be able to save Henry and Killian in time, or will this new ruler of Neverland keep them hostage forever?

Also on A03

CHAPTER TEN

Henry Mills was sick of Neverland. He wants to go home more than anything. So when Killian said he wanted to meet him, and then Emma somehow magically contacted him, all the pieces just fell into place.

And now Killian Jones was standing just a few feet away from Emma Swan and the entire Charming family for the first time in 25 years.

“Swan”

“Killian!”

Killian takes a look at Emma and the little brother he had met a few hours ago.

Emma looks the same as she did before she was cursed. A little more polished and not a strong lost girl in her eyes anymore. But it was still his Emma. Then he looks to David and Snow, who look a lot more mature than he remembered them.

“David. Lady Snow. Dave, you look..” Killian begins.

“If you say old, I will cut off your other hand.” David cuts him off leaving a smile on Killians face.

“It’s good to see you.” He settles on saying, still in awe that they were all here.

“Uncle Neal, come upstairs with me, I wanna hear about the uncle I never got to know” Henry says sensing the tension between his mother and Killian, gesturing for his grandparents to follow to leave the two alone.

“Swan. It's really you?” Kilian asks, still scared it’s some cruel trick.

Emma nods, trying to stop herself from tearing up. “It’s me. I’m really here.”

“You have no idea how long I have been waiting for this day.” Emma thinks he’s going to come over and kiss her, or wrap his arms around her. But he doesn't.

“Killian. I missed you so much.” Emma tells him, taking a few steps closer.

Killian takes a step back. “I can’t. This. I thought it would just be Henry. I didn't expect to see you here.”

Emma understands he’s hurt and confused, but that doesn’t mean seeing him back away from her hurts her any less.

“Henry told me everything. I know about the fairies and why it’s hard to leave the island. But we can figure it out together. Like we always do.” She tells him, slowly taking a step towards him. “We took down the Snow Queen together, we defeated Pan together, and we defeated our darkness together. Hell we even went back in time and made sure my parents met each other, we did all that together! And now, I’m here and we will do whatever it takes to take down that fairy bitch and go home. Have the future we always planned.”

She takes another step towards him and takes his handed hook in hers. They were so close they could hear each other's heartbeats.

“Killian I missed you so much.” Emma tells him, wanting nothing more than to feel the taste of his lips on hers.

“Swan. My years on this blasted Island have been the worst years of my life. But I can’t go back with you. If you take the boy, you’ll stand a chance of escaping. It’s not in my fate that I return.” Killian says despite how much it hurts.

Emma just shakes her head. “No. I can’t accept that. There is no way I am leaving this Island without you. To hell with what you think about fate, I know that is not what fate has in store for us. Zeus brought you back for a reason, okay. He would not have brought you back just so you can be in the place that makes you feel like you’re the worst person in the world.”

Killian can barely look at Emma. “You wouldn’t want me anyways. After all I’ve done. I’m not the man you deserve.”

Emma wants to laugh, “Are you being serious right now? After all we’ve been through? I made you a Dark One because I didn’t want to risk the possibility of losing you. I did lose you, twice! I came down to the Underworld to save you! And then I lost you, and that broke me. I didn’t know how I was going to survive without you, but then by a literal miracle, you came back to me! And then we were slowly planning our future together. And then I was cursed. I understand how you feel, but think about how I feel. I woke up one day with two lives in my head, not like my parents; their lives were mostly based on false memories.”

Emma takes another step towards Killian who tried to walk away. “I was having visions for years. I kept seeing this tall dark haired stranger with blue eyes. I didn’t know it at the time, but I was seeing you. I saw our moments together. I saw you because you’re my soulmate Killian my true love. If you don’t want to come back to Storybrooke with me, then that’s on you. Not me.”

“I need some air.” She says as Killian doesn't respond and goes outside.

_______________

“You doing okay kiddo?”

Emma looks up to see her father coming down the ladder, plopping himself onto the ground beside her.

“Let me guess, you heard our argument?” She asks, slightly embarrassed.

David chuckles, “walls in Neverland aren’t exactly thick like in Storybrooke. You want to talk about it?”

“What was it like?” She asks, “when you woke up from your curse? When you realised you had 2 lives in your head.”  

“Well I can’t say I know what you’re going through seeing as I was in a coma for 28 years til you finally showed up.” He says causing them both to chuckle. “But I think I know where you’re coming from, I remember you telling Alex a few times that you were seeing your soulmate in your dreams, I assumed it was Hook you were seeing. It’s like when I was cursed, I knew I was married to Kathryn and we had a life together, but anytime I saw your mother I saw visions of her, of us, in the Enchanted Forest, and I didn’t know what I was seeing, but I knew it meant something, which is why I kept going after her. Though I remember you trying to stop me!”

“Hey don’t blame me! You sent me through the wardrobe, how was I supposed to know my 10 year old sons fantasies about you two being my parents was real!” Emma says laughing. This was exactly what her father did, he would make her laugh to forget about her problems. “But did you feel bad, at all? About the things you said and did when you were cursed, how did you manage it?”

“Ah so this is what it’s about. You feel guilty that you grew up loved with your brother, whilst Killian and Henry suffered.” David says stroking his daughters hair, the way he always did to calm her down in the past.

“Yeah that and also I don’t know how to deal with these two lives. It’s not like when me and Henry were in New York, those were all false memories. I was an orphan, I know I remember that, but then I also remember my life where you raised me and I was surrounded by love.” Emma was feeling so lost since waking up, and she didn’t exactly know what the plan now was.

“Well, I know that after we broke the curse, I went to Kathryn and she felt the same, guilt over something we couldn’t control. But with you, you were in control of your life with us, you made friends and bonds on your own, you need to realise that your friendship with Alex and Phillip, that is still real. But Henry and Killian are also real, they didn’t forget you. It’s been a traumatic 25 years for them, give it time and we can figure out a plan on how to defeat the fairies of this realm.”

“And what do I do about Killian?” She finally asks.

“Give him space. He knows how much he loves you, it’s clearly been hard on him. True Love never fails, always remember that.” He whispers, and Emma knows he’s right. Love always wins.

_____________

Henry was eager to get home to Storybrooke, but he was aware 25 years had passed since he was last there and wanted to know how it had changed, and if it was finally safe.

“Wait so you and my mom have matching scars because of a sword fight?” Henry asks his uncle, fascinated to know all about him.

Neal nods, “oh yeah, mom and dad were not happy. I accidentally cut her first and she started bleeding, so she begged me to let her cut me so we’d be matching and they’d be less likely to be angry.”

Henry’s smile is animated, he loved hearing stories like this. “We’re they less angry?”

Neal looks to his mother. “No. I believe you were both grounded for 2 weeks, and swords were locked up. Though I believe your grandpa, Henry gave in and gave them sword fighting lessons whilst I was at work.”

Henry smiles, he remembers when his grandpa gave him lessons, and Killian too. “Awesome! Now I’ve got a cool uncle to teach me how to sword fight too!”

“What else do you want to know? I’m enjoying getting to know the nephew I had no idea I had!” Neal asks. He was similar to Henry in the way he just accepted the fact he had a nephew and was eager to learn all there was about him.

“Do you have a girlfriend?” Henry asks.

Neal does a silent chuckle, of course this is what he wanted to know. “I do. Her name is Thalia, I’ve known her since I was younger and we were rivals during High School, we hated each other, but it was after we’d graduated we realised maybe we don’t hate one another.”

“Sounds like my Mom and Killian.” Henry says looking down at them arguing. They’ll resolve whatever issue they have going on soon enough, they would never stay mad long.

“I’ll tell you about Thalia, if you tell me about Killian-he’s so cool!” Neal whispers to his nephew.

Henry grins. “Deal.

*****

“Thalia Cameron , you’re late .” Mrs. Groves, their History of the Enchanted Forest teacher, said as she saw Thalia tried to sneak in at the back of the class.

Thalia sighs. “I’m so sorry Mrs.Groves, I was working the breakfast shift at Granny’s and I lost track of time. It won’t happen again.”

Mrs. Groves walks over to her desk and hands her back her paper. “Maybe you should be focusing on your studies instead of your work. I expected better of you.”

Thalia rolls her eyes and turns her paper over. 67 out of 100. That was her worst score in a while. She wanted to do well in this class, she loved learning about where she came from and how Storybrooke was never meant to exist-but unlike most of the other kids in this class, her father didn’t have the greatest respect for Storybrooke or the Enchanted Forest.

“Hey don’t worry about it, she’s in a bad mood today. And that quiz was so hard, I only got a 73.” Neal Nolan whispers to her.

“Thanks Charming.” She smiles back.

God dammit Neal Nolan. Son of the Charmings, son of the family her father hates most.

Thalia’s father was a knight of King George, who was in charge of finding Prince James’, David, or Prince Charming as his kingdom came to call him. Thalia's father swore his allegiance to King George, and therefore hated the shepherd in disguise. Growing up she was taught to hate his family.

She was raised by her father and never knew her mother. All she knew was that her father was married to a woman in his cursed life, and when time started to move again but their memories had not returned, her mother fell pregnant. But then the curse broke and her mother abandoned her father and went back to her real husband. Thalia was born in the Enchanted Forest and when everyone was cursed again, baby Thalia turned up on her father's doorstep and was told it was his problem.  

Thalia's father hated what this curse had given him, and so he raised Thalia but he didn’t love her. Thalia was a reminder that he was much happier cursed, at least he had someone who loved him.

That evening Thalia was working at Granny’s again, a double shift. She wanted to work so she could save enough money and move out when she graduated High School. She loved this town, despite her father, and loved its quirks and magical mishaps.

Although she groans when she sees the Charming Family on table 7, her section. She better get good tips.

“Hi guys, what can I get for you?” She asks as she approaches their booth.

She can see Neal grinning as she takes out her notepad.

“What specials do you have?”  He asks with a cocky smile.

Thalia rolls her eyes.

“Don’t be a dick Neal, she’s just trying to work.” Emma, his sister tells him, causing him to roll his eyes.

She liked Emma, she was always really nice when she served her, she was so different from her brother.

“2 cheeseburgers, 2 grilled cheese with 2 potions of onion rings and 2 portions of fries please Thalia.” David, the prince tells her. Despite what her father told her growing up, he didn’t seem all that bad.

As she’s clearing up their table, Neal lingers. “You know I can lend you my Enchanted Forest History notes if you like.”

She looks perplexed. “What’s the catch Charming?”

Neal shrugs, “no catch. Just thought you’d need them, if you’re working here a lot and you’re getting good grades again it’ll get Mrs. Groves off your back. And then we can go back to competing on who can get the highest mark.”

Thalia smiles, “thanks, that would be great. And don’t worry I’ll be sure to whoop your ass on the next quiz.”

——

Neal's biggest regret was not having the courage to ask Thalia to Prom. They had always been rivals, but their senior year was different, they were being nice to each other and Neal hated to admit but he thinks he has feelings for her.

He ended up going alone, Robin took Alex of course and he decided he didn’t really want to go with some random girl he didn’t know that well.

“Hey Charming, couldn’t get a date?” It was Thalia. She looked beautiful in a crimson red dress and her brown hair tied up.

“No, I had a line of girls ask me and I had to turn them down.” He replies causing Thalia to roll her eyes.

“I’m gonna regret this, but do you want to dance?” She asks, Neal is as shocked as anything. “I shouldn’t mock you, I don’t have a date either. I was holding out for this one guy but he never asked.”

Neal kicked himself for not realising until years later she meant him. “I’d love to. Just don’t step on my toes” he teased

So Thalia took her hand and laced it with Neal's as they stepped onto the dance floor. The song was slow, so she wrapped her arms around Neal’s neck as they slowly moved to the rhythm.

“Wow you’re actually pretty good at this.” Thalia comments as their bodies are pressed close together as they dance.

“Well I am a prince, it’s expected of me.” Neal teases.

“God you never let that go, do you Charming?” Thalia teases back.

Neither know what happened next, except all of a sudden their lips were on each other. It’s like they’ve been waiting for this moment all their life, maybe it’s the alcohol, or maybe they’ve been avoiding their feelings for a while. But it feels right.

Thalia breaks the kiss. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that.”

Neal, still flustered, just says, “it’s fine. I-I liked it.”

Whatever he said or did, it wasn’t right, and Thalia ran off and he didn’t see her for the rest of the night .

___

“Wait you’re telling me you kissed her at Prom and then you didn’t go after her? And yet you���re still together?” Henry asks after Neal had finished telling his story.

Neal laughs, “it was pretty complicated. We were kinda stubborn and wouldn’t admit that we actually liked each other. It was only when she was moving out of her father's home that I had the guts to talk to her about that night and asked her out for real.”

It was actually Neal that managed to get her out of her house. When he saw her in Granny’s and her makeup didn’t quite cover the shiner and bruised lip her father so clearly had given to her, he made her come to Emma’s house for a couple nights until they managed to find her an apartment. But Thalia’s abusive shitbag of a father was her story to tell.

“Stubbornness is a Charming family trait, you and your sister get it from your father.” Snow comments. “Let’s hope you haven’t inherited it Henry.”

“I can’t wait to hear more!” Henry smiles.

“There’s plenty where that came from, now I want to hear about my pirate brother in law!” Neal says

And so Henry launches into one of he and Hook's adventures, when they save Emma from the alternate reality.

[purplesurveys]

1142

survey by tickticktmr

Do you have a digital camera? What color is it? No, haven’t held one in years. The last digital camera we had was a bit of a magenta shade; it actually belonged to my sister but I borrowed it occasionally.

Did you like the movie Juno? It was ok, though to be honest I’ve mostly forgotten what it’s about. I remember fairly liking it but it’s not the type of movie or genre I’d rewatch.

Name something you think is way over-rated: Big Macs, which I’ve never found tasty.

Do you remember your first friend? Yes, it was a girl named Kaye that I sat with in preschool. She didn’t stay too long in my school, so I haven’t been able to reconnect.

Would you rather live with your mom, dad, a friend or on your own? On my own.

Name something your pet(s) like: Walks.

Do you listen to country music? No, I don’t.

What does the color white remind you of? Peace, serenity, doves, minimalist homes.

What show/movie/song makes you cry every time? Show: From Brooklyn Nine-Nine - either the episode where Rosa Diaz comes out as bisexual or the episode where Terry gets racially profiled.

Movie: La vita e bella.

Song: There isn’t one song that makes me cry 100% of the time, but I suppose Why We Ever by Hayley Williams had this effect on me for a time.

What was your last fight about? I spilled a drop of our dinner’s soup on the dinner table last Thursday and my mom did a sufficient job making me feel incompetent and a dumbass about it, so I was hurt by it and didn’t speak a word for the rest of the evening. Not really a fight, but y’know.

Do you text a lot? I used to not but anymore. I usually get prepaid for LTE now, not to have credits for texts.

Have you ever been screamed at by a teacher? Many times. A number of them didn’t like me for whatever reason...

Do you smile or scowl more? I definitely try to smile more, but idk for sure if that’s what I do more frequently.

Obama or Bush? Idk, maybe Obama? Considering we were colonized by the US at one point and imperialism remains to linger in my country, I generally don’t take kindly to any US president, though.

Batman or Superman? I don’t like comic books.

Are you excited about Blink 182 getting back together? I don’t follow the band so I’m not sure how recent or relevant this news is, but  generally speaking I don’t remember ever being stoked for a Blink-182 comeback in particular.

Would you rather be a teacher, a stripper or a hairdresser? I’d go with teacher, and preferably of history, so that I at least can have an hour or so to talk about my passion with other people lol.

The last person you spoke to: how many times have they made you cry? Just once.

What's your favorite kind of gum? The classic bubblegum flavor is fine with me.

Have you ever failed a class in school? Just exams, but never altogether an entire class that required me to retake.

Are you even in school? No, not anymore.

Are you taller then your best friend? No haha, I’m slightly tinier than both of them.

Are you scared of spiders? I’d be scared probably of the larger kinds, but all we get here are the super small spiders so this isn’t an issue for me for the most part.

You can't eat anything ever again except for jello or apples: which one? Probably apples. I cannot stand the texture of jelly/Jell-O, and I guess I can move past my dislike of fruits for this situation since apple is kinda decent anyway.

Have you ever cheated on anyone? No, never man.

If you answered yes to the last question, do they know about it?

Do you paint your nails often? I never do and I never have them done either.

Mascara or lipgloss? Er lipgloss I guess, since I literally don’t care how my eyelashes look.

Who’s the last person you called? I think it had been Denise, a co-worker. 

Describe the last person who sent you a text: It was just the delivery guy who brought Ysa’s gift to my place, so I don’t know enough about him to be able to give a sufficient description.

Do you ever watch TV shows or movies on YouTube? No, because for the most part they would be high- or low-pitched, in a tiny screen, sped up, zoomed in, or altogether fake. I also don’t understand why buying movies individually on YouTube is still a thing when Netflix exists for literally cheaper.

Myspace or facebook? Uh Facebook, I guess.

How old were you when you lost your first tooth? I was around 5 or 6, I think.

Have you ever embarassed yourself in front of someone you like? Yeah. But when I started dating them, fucking up in front of them became less embarrassing, of course.

Describe your hair right now: Wet and slightly dripping since I just stepped out of the shower.

Do you like it when it rains? Yes, it’s my favorite weather.

Does anyone miss you right now? I hope my friends do...but I can’t say for sure.

How many funerals have you been to? None. Just wakes.

Where's your favorite place to hang out? Depends on the vibe I’m feeling for the day and the company I’ve got.

Have you ever laughed so hard you peed in your pants? Oh gee, never.

Do you like video games? What's your favorite one? I was raised around video games and so much of my childhood was watching my kuya, dad, and a number of my uncles completing games, so I definitely hold a big appreciation and fondness for them. I never inherited any skills of my own though lmao, so I mostly watch walkthroughs; and the only video games I’ve ever met considerable progress on are Nintendo games marketed for all audiences HAHAHA.

Have you ever worn something your parents wouldn't approve of? Yeah I’ve gotten chided by my mom a handful of times, telling me to cover up with a jacket or something. But her reasoning was always men, so I’m usually able to defend myself and say that that’s not my problem and that’s something fucking men have to deal with themselves. We both know I’m right so she ends up begrudgingly letting me go out with whatever outfit I choose on that given day.

Where are your sibling(s)? They are in their respective bedrooms.

When's the last time a friend got dumped/dumped someone? September. That friend was Gabie and the dumpee was me hahahah, does that count?

Do you celebrate Valentine's day? If I have a significant other, yeah. I like keeping our activities lowkey though because from all my past experiences, malls and restaurants tend to get fully booked on February 14 and it ends up being more of a (very crowded) hassle than a celebration.

Do you celebrate Christmas? Yep.

Does it snow where you live? Never.

Have you ever wanted a pet unicorn? I never did, actually.

Would you like to work to earn money, or simply have money given to you? The latter is obviously the ideal situation, but I recognize the importance of hard work too and constantly working on my skills.

If you could be on any game show, what one would it be? Jeopardy or Family Feud.

Do you know anyone whose famous? Yes, at least locally.

Do you read those gossip magazines? I used to, lol those were my guilty pleasures back then. I still keep up with celebrity updates, but I’ve moved to social media now. I also filter which publications I consume and avoid the tabloid-y ones like Daily Mail.

Summer or winter? I’d go with winter so that I can actually experience it for once.

What do you hear right now? I’m watching an archived Facebook livestream of a senior citizen who had held a virtual piano concert to raise funds to afford his maintenance medicine. The media ate it up like crazy and it’s since gone viral, so I was able to I read about him earlier tonight. He reminds me so much of my late grandpa so I quickly searched for the finished concert on Facebook and now I have it on :)

When's the last time you saw a cousin? Around two weeks ago.

Where were you the last time you left your house? I can’t remember exactly. I think I went to Feliz...OH OK I remember now - I originally went to the nearby SM to handle an LBC delivery for work, and to stay at Starbucks for a few hours also to work. After that I went to their vape stall to buy new pods but they didn’t have any for the vape brand I use, so I went to Feliz as well to try my chances there. They ended up having a few flavors but not what I usually get, so I decided to try a new one - grape lol.

Describe the room you are in: Dark, filled with the lovely sounds of piano music, and the faint smell coming from my scented candle. Overall, light and peaceful.

What shoes did you wear today? I wore my Onitsukas when I walked Cooper this morning.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #264

I did tell y’all WoW would devour my life again when I got my laptop back lmao. But I’m still alive!!

When you wake up to pee at night, do you turn on the light? You mean like, in the bathroom? Uh, yeah? When was the last time you got a fresh box of crayons? Damn dude, I don't have a clue. What color is your favorite towel? I don't have a favorite. They're all just random colors. Do you know anyone’s phone number by heart? Actually no, not since Mom got a new phone. I really need to learn it. Do you wear hoodies? Yeah, one Pikachu one. Something your mother said or did that shocked you: We were arguing and she tried to kick me out of the car once. Obviously I didn't listen. It was one of our worst arguments. How many different homes have you live in?We're in our fourth house now. WELL there's another if you count the apartment, but I didn't officially live there, I was just... always there even though it was against policy lmao. Then when we were technically homeless I "lived" with my former best friend, but again, that was not an official thing. Did your mom go to college? She is, though cancer has thrown a wrench in the plan... She's on her final semester of a bachelor's degree in social work. With cancer now plus this wild quarantine, we don't really know what's going on. Where is the best place you know to take a dog for a walk? We have a park maybe like 15 minutes from here that's pretty decent. Nice fountain, fishing docks, plenty of ducks. Are there any crazy sandwich combinations you like to eat? It's not "crazy," as I know it's actually tasty to some people: having lunch meat, cheese, mustard, and potato chips. I haven't had that in yeeeaaars. Which food do you think you have the most cans of in your cupboard? Uh. I'm not sure. We usually have fruit, beans, and soup in there, but I'm not sure which there's more of. Do you save fortunes from fortune cookies? No. Are you offended when Christmas is spelled Xmas? No. Do you prefer rugs or bare floors? Rugs. Describe your favorite mug or glass to drink from? I don't really drink from any. Your bad habit that you love the most: Heh, drinking soda... Do you name your pets after tv/movie/book characters: I have before, yes. Had a guinea pig named Harry Potter lol, rats named Tezzeret and Rhoka, and... that may be it. I am not positive, had a lotta pets... Have you ever died in one of your dreams? Yes. Which is tastier: fruity gum or minty gum? Fruity. Be honest, have you ever bullied anybody? Who was it? Oh my god, I was about to say no, but wait. When I first started RP at around 9, I had the impression you were supposed to always be in-character. Me, at the time my account being just "mozart2" (I don't count her as my first RP character though, she turned into Ruby and was drastically changed) on the Animal Planet forum, wanted to be the "dominant female," and one of the girls whose name was like Angelkiss or something was "mean" to me and so I reciprocated until I GOT FUCKING BANNED ON THIS ACCOUNT I'M WRITING THIS AND IT'S SO EMBARRASSING WHAT THE FUCK WAS WRONG WITH ME I HATE YOUNG ME SO MUCH. What is the cutest Halloween costume for a baby to wear? Idk. Is it a turn-off if somebody’s teeth are stained yellow? Not necessarily. Yellow doesn't mean dirty + everyone is supposed to have some coloration, and I can't say shit anyway 'cuz mine are kinda yellow from poor self-care in the past anyway. I just care that they're clean. Which of your friends is the tallest? Which of them is the shortest? Girt is a damn giant lmao. I only reach his chest. Shortest, I'm unsure. Do you know any quotes from Forrest Gump? Well besides the famous ones, no. HA, fun fact that cracked me the fuck up though, someone in the government in NC that is running for... something, there are sometimes like three signs in a row along the road that say "RUN FORREST, RUN" and I fuckin died the first time I saw it. Do you believe in demonic possession? How about ghosts? Angels? I don't believe in angels or demons, so. Ghosts, yes. Would you rather judge a singing or dancing competition? Why? Dancing, for sure. I'm more educated on the form and techniques, plus it's way more entertaining. What was the mascot at your elementary school? A bulldog. It was super cute, and in art class, the art students all worked together to make colorful, clay models that were in the principal's office. Everyone loved them. Have you ever fallen down in public? Did anybody see you? Yes and yes. Do you scream when you go on rollercoasters? Do you close your eyes? I'll probably never know 'cuz my ass is afraid of them lmao. I get dizzy too easily and I'm terrified of the potential of getting sick. Do you think home-made cards are better than store-bought ones? They're more thoughtful imo. What is one romantic movie that you enjoy enough to watch more than once? The Notebook. Who was the last person to walk out of your life, and why? By their volition, probably a Facebook friend. How did you decide upon your favorite colors? I didn't know you could pick your favorite color. Are you less likely to approach people that look/dress a certain way? Wow no. I mean unless they look obviously dangerous, like if they had blood on them or something like that. What is your favorite Starburst candy flavor? If you say anything but pink, you're wrong. Do you prefer schedules and plans, or spontaneity? Schedules. Sponteneity, usually, stresses me out. How do you let someone know that you like him/her? I mean idk. Act like it or say it. Do you think that you act like yourself while online? I'm more myself online. Have you ever lied about something to get someone to like you? Hell no. I'd want them to like me for who I actually am. Would you rather buy presents for others, or receive them? BUY, so long as I'm happy with what I bought and know it'll make them happy. How did you meet your current best friend? YouTube. The last song/poem/story you wrote - what was it about? I haven't finished it, but I'm writing a poem about the strength of cancer patients following Mom getting her hair shaved off. Are you a mostly blunt person? No, because I'm too afraid of starting an argument. Do you have any talents that come naturally? I guess writing since I've been applauded for it since I was very little. Do you go out often? Even before quarantine, not at all. I go out so little that my eyes seriously hurt when I step outside; I always have to squint or entirely close my eyes for a few seconds. What's the best Valentine's Day gift you've gotten? There was one year Jason got me a really pretty heart box of chocolates plus the game Heavy Rain and a pink rose. May still have a picture of it on my old phone... Is there anyone who is overly nice to you? No. It's hard to be "overly nice" in my opinion. Would you prefer internet or television? Internet. What is something you lose often? I'm not sure. Not a lot. Do you enter a lot of sweepstakes? I never do. How old is your oldest sibling? 30-something. Have you ever considered writing a novel? Yes. Who's the last person you said I love you to? Mom or Sara. What's your stance on spooning? What a question. It's comforting, but I usually can't actually fall asleep like that because I get too hot. Have you ever been "popular?" Nah, not really. Well, I was pretty well-known in the meerkat YouTube community as an editor, but not like, Yelozo level. Has someone ever tried to convert you? Well, I was a Christian when my sister's friend's grandpa made me like, SUPER uncomfortable by talking to me all the way home from school (he had to drive us this day) about the Bible and stuff because it was his "job" as a religious man and I kinda had to take this little Bible from him just to be nice. Even when I was a Christian I wasn't VERY religious and really really felt like he was hardcore shoving his beliefs down my throat. Are you thin? Ha ha no. Do you like big earrings? Heavy/big earrings ruined my ears, so no. The holes are too stretched now and is why I'm putting very small gauges in so it doesn't look as stupid when I put an earring in and it just barely hangs on because my ear lobe literally looks like it could tear. Animated character that was your gay awakening? HA, there's been a few that looking back, I definitely thought were more than pretty, even as a kid, like Sheego from Kim Possible. But #1? Holy mother of fuck, Bayonetta. That is one fuckin HOT MAMA. What show/YouTube video(s) do you put on in the background when you don’t have anything to watch but you want something on? Hmm. It really does depend on what I feel like semi-watching. Maybe like, a let's play where I'm not THAT interested in the game, but I still do listen and glance over. Your go-to bar order, if you drink? I've never been to a bar, but when I go out to eat and I feel like getting a drink, it's usually a margarita. What’s your favorite pair of shoes that you own? UGGGGHHHHH my tall leather boots with all these buckles and stuff. They're hot. What was your first word as a child (that wasn’t a variation of “Mom” or “Dad”)? I don’t know. What’s a job that you’ve had that people might be surprised to find out you’ve had? Nothing that's really "surprising." Just three ordinary minimum wage jobs. What’s directly across from you? My snake's terrarium. Do you own any signed books/memorabilia in general? No. ;-; I wish. What do you get on your bagels? What WOULD you get if you had access to anything you wanted? I've only ever had cream cheese. NO WAIT, I tried jam once and it was fucking repulsive. One bite and I was like "fuck no." I think it was strawberry jam though, which I hate. I'm not sure what else I'd try as idk what would taste good. Fruity or herbal teas? Neither. What’s that one TV show that you’re a little bit embarrassed to watch but you still like nonetheless? None. It's funny, as a kid when I thought I was "too old," I tried to hide the fact I still adored Pokemon, but for years now I've just been like "lol fuck yeah man Pokemon." What was your “phase” when you were younger? (i.e., Mythology Nerd, Horse Girl, Space Geek, etc) Being an emo/goth/metalhead thing was NEVER a phase, Mom. Goddamn do I wish I could afford a gothic wardrobe laksjdfawde. What’s that one outfit in your closet you never get the chance to wear but want to? There's no telling. I rarely check my closet for "special" clothes, but rather my dresser. Where do you sit in the living room (we all have a preferred spot, and you know it)? The couch. Are you a “Quote that relates to the photos” caption-er, an “explanation of where I took the photos” caption-er, or a no caption kinda person when you post pictures online? I'm all of them, plus sometimes song lyrics I find relevant lmao leave me alone. Name a classic Vine: YO that one of the dude looking for his berries with a WILD outfit, expression, and voice and then scares adventurers away from his tree made me fuckin cry for about 1,000 repeats. I miss Vine, man, good shit. What’s the freezer food that you stock up on when you go to the grocery store? We don't really "stock up" on any particular food. We do, however, tend to get a large box of frozen rats for Venus, if you can count that, but obviously that's not from the grocery store lol. How do you top your ice cream? Chocolate syrup mmmMMMMMMMMMMM Do you like Jello? Yeah. Do you have a fear, even only a slight fear of insects? I do. Do you have a favorite poem you like and can recall? If so, what is it? I don't have a favorite, no. Have you ever resided in a home that was haunted: *shrugs* I do think paranormal things happened in my last house, but idk about calling it haunted. Do you ever play any MMORPGS: Just WoW. What’s the closest river to you? Tar River. Have you ever been in a building with over 100 floors? I don't think so. What bird is the cutest? Oh, I don't know. Something small and pudgy lol. Are you scared to look at your own organs on x-ray or ultrasound? No, that shit is so cool. Have you ever held a real sword? No. What do you think about most? PTSD is v fun. My brain naturally drifts to relating topics when I don't know what to think about, which is most of the time. Certainly don't try to, but it just. Happens. Most attractive singer of your opposite gender? Hell man, idk. I do have a weakness for Kellin Quin though; he's the first to come to mind. What was the last film you saw in the cinema? The Lion King. What are you currently listening to? "Saturnalia" by Marilyn Manson. How many people have you kissed, that you can HONESTLY say you loved? Two. The last person to be under covers with you? Sara. What's the compliment you get the most? Uhhh I think it's "I like your tattoo" (referring to my Mark one). BITCH just wait til it gets tidied up for four hours. Have you ever disliked someone just because a friend disliked them? If they have good reason to, yes. I can't deeply dislike someone I don't know/have personally seen be a piece of shit, but I can sure not be fond of them until they prove unworthy of that judgment. Have you ever won a lot of money in a slot machine? How much? Never gambled and don't plan to. Do you eat/drink at your computer? Yes, oops. How much do you overeat at special occasions? (Birthdays, Christmas, etc) Actually, I tend to under-eat at most special occasions because odds are I'm not going to like the food. This isn't always the case, but yeah. Do you think it's important to enjoy your job or do you just work for money? I think it's very important to enjoy it. If you had to, which record would you go into Guinness World Records for? Probably the longest consecutive hours of not leaving the computer laksdfjawe I hate myself. Do/Did you enjoy school? Why (not)? From the very beginning, I hated school. It's why I was a goddamn monster to get up in the morning, even in high school. I only enjoyed (to a degree, anyway) my most recent college because it was a way to get out of the house and work towards my future. Do you find it difficult to sleep at night? Any reason(s) why? Boy, do I. Most recently, after being put on a medication for my nightmares/terrors (which works!), I have intense muscle spasms in my legs, oddly only when I'm falling asleep. Apparently it's a very rare side effect of it, but I'm willing to tolerate it in place of having nightly terrors. Then there's my PTSD and just general poor self-image that can both send me down a total spiral. Have you ever wished you were born the opposite gender? Why? Not legitimately. Like I've wondered what it would be like, but I've never truly wanted to be a guy. I'm just content with being what comes with being genetically female. Do you think you'd make a good model? Would you ever want to be one? Hell to the fuck no. Have you had an argument with anyone recently? If so, do you still have issues with that person? Not recently, no. Who was the last person that asked to hang out with you? Tell me the story of how you met that person, everything you remember. Hell man, I don't have a clue. Have you ever worn colored mascara? If not, would you ever think about trying it? And if you have, what is/was your favorite color to wear? No, but I guess, if I had a reason to? What do you remember about your first day of secondary school? Were you more nervous or excited about it? I very faintly remember I had no desire to be there. Before Facebook became popular, did you use any other social networking site, like Bebo or Myspace? Yeah, I had Myspace. Has anyone ever asked you out, and you turned them down? If so, did you feel guilty about it? Why do you think you said no? Yes, and not *really*, as I'm very strict with myself about whom I date. It's just awkward. And I just didn't like one guy romantically in elementary, my best male childhood friend was black (mind you I haven't been racist in the least since I was a tiny kid, I was just raised like that), and I knew Juan had a bad rep. Have you ever asked anyone “Do you love me?” If so, did you get the response you wanted? Do you think when someone says “I love you”, you feel obliged to say it back? Ugh. Let's not. I feel obligated only with family. Has someone of the opposite sex ever sang to you? If so, how did you respond to it? LET'S. FUCKIN. NOT. If you’ve had a bad experience in a past relationship, did you find that you were scared to get into another relationship, in case the same thing happened again? Terrified.

[slothgiirl]

shadowplay ch 2 (alex turner x reader)

Your phone rings, vibrating on the sette while you try and decide what to order for dinner. 

Work had run late and you had really just wanted to finish to jacket tonight and not have to pick up where you left off tomorrow. Not expecting any calls, you hit ignore and decide on chinese. Fried rice and pot stickers sounding heavenly. 

Your phone rings again and you decide to answer just to see who could be calling you. 

It can't be work. And your friends would've texted you. 

"Hello," you answer. If it's some telemarketer you can always hang up. 

"It's Alex." 

"Who?" You don't know anyone named Alex. 

"ugh you pretended to be be my girlfriend that one time," he trails off. 

"Oh yeah. Sorry my brains at like half charge right now."

"Long day at work," Alex asks. 

"Basically," you answer, "my hands are beyond cramped. You know you could've texted. Who calls anymore?"

"If I can't do something face to face," he counters, "callings the next best thing."

"Okay grandpa."

"I just wanted to well. . .ask if you would mind much doing it again." He pauses as if working up the courage to say the words. Taking so long I think he might have hung up. "Pretending to be my girlfriend that is."

"What happened," you can't help but asks, already wondering what kind of situation he got himself into. 

"Arielle sort of told some mutual friends and now. . ."

"Your friends think we're dating."

"Exactly," Alex finishes. 

"You could just come clean. No shame in that." Though the idea of seeing him again alone is worth considering faking a relationship. 

"Yes," he protests, "it's embarrassing. Arielle's getting married and I pretended I have a girlfriend. I 'fink I'd 'ave to live under a rock after that."

"Are you free right now?"

"Why," Alex asks.

"So we can talk things through. Oh and can you pick up food on the way. That'll save me the delivery fee."

"So you'll do it Love," sounding so hopeful you almost say yes on the spot. 

"Well what's in it for me?"

Alex snorts, "I'll grab you dinner or something. Anything you want for saving my bloody arse." 

"Well like I said, you can start by picking up dinner." You give him your address. 

A small flat at the top of some old building with a tiny balcony that was the main attraction. You had been looking at houses but had yet to find something in your range and one that you also wanted. So here you still were. 

You buzz Alex in, looking dapper in blue jeans and a strokes shirt with a different leather jacket on. This time sans glasses. 

"Thank you so much," you tell him as you unpack the food onto your coffee table, but not before making sure he takes off his leather boots with more of a heel than you could walk in. 

"No problem love," Alex says with a smile, "least I could do right." 

"Your learning."

He chuckles, taking a seat next to you on the sette. The great british bake off plays, an old episode. You haven't paid enough attention to know what's going on. 

"So. . ."

"Yes Al," you grin playfully. 

"Would you like to be my fake girlfriend?"

"Not until you explain what's actually going on."

He ducks his head as you start on the fried rice. Shoving forkfuls into your mouth without a care about how you look. Lunch seems to have been ages ago for how hungry you feel now. 

"Like I said over the phone. Arielle told a bunch of our friends and now Jaime invited us over and I said yes. And now I can't just fess up."

"You could though," you note, offering him a fork too. 

"I'd look so bloody pathetic."

"So if we were to do this," you ask carefully, not meeting his eyes, wondering what you were getting yourself into. But as the weird girl in college with only one good friend, you knew a thing or two about being embarrassed. And it sounds amusing. 

Not to mention Alex is beyond hot. 

He sighs, relieved. "It's just be once or twice. Then we break up and no one ever has to be wiser."

You sit up straighter, studying Alex. His well defined bone structure, his expressive brown eyes, and the way he couldn't quite meet your eyes, unsure as you felt about the whole thing. He looked like a proper douche with all the hair gel and habit for wearing sunnies when the sun had gone down, but you'd enjoyed talking to him. 

You still can't imagine it being hard for him to get a girl. And yet here he was. "Alright. I'm game if only because I think this whole thing is ridiculous. They're your friends. Not to mention I'm such a nice person." 

Alex laughs, which has you smiling hard enough that your cheeks hurt and for once not caring that it might look weird, might make your face look fat. 

"Oh thank god I was about ready to book a flight to LA and pretend I had work or something along those lines."

"I wish I could do that whenever I didn't want to deal with my aunt. My cousin got married last summer and now everyones looking at me every time we get together. I'm twenty six. Practically a child bride!"

It makes Alex laugh again. 

"If we're going to do this though," you tell him, opening up a fortune cookie, "we have to like establish details and have our story straight. Like I still don't know what you do. That'll raise eyebrows."

"True enough," Alex acknowledges. "I can already tell you'll be the smart one in this relationship."

You snort. "Tell that to my maths teacher."

"I was thinking, we've only been seeing each other for a weeks. I've flying back and forth quite a bit. It adds up," he states casually, like people just flew back and forth from one home to another all the time. "Haven't told anyone because we we seeing where this was going."

"Makes sense. So where did we meet? Musicians are supposed to be creative aren't they?"

"Are you really going to make me come up with everything by myself love?"

You roll your eyes, "I really should stop getting take out. It's bad for the planet but I'm so out of it after work."

"How about you tailored some clothes I needed fixin'," he suggests with a dangerously flirty grin. 

"That's so unprofessional Al," you protest, "I'd get into so much trouble for something like that."

"Which is exactly what you said when I asked you out," he continues, looking gleeful as the whole scenario plays out in his head, "but I was persistent. And said I'd never be a customer again if you'd give me a chance."

"And you pouted so much I just couldn't say not to that face," you add with a giggle. "I work at Hargreeves by the way. Mostly suiting through there are quite a few dressmakers there too."

"I have a little band called the Arctic Monkeys," Alex offers, watching you carefully. 

You shrug, "never heard of them."

"The last shadow puppets too," he adds, still studying your reaction carefully.

"You any good?"

"We're signed love so I 'fink we're doing all right."

"I don't think you're being a reliable source Al," you note, googling Arctic Monkeys instead. "much too humble."

"I'd sound like a twat otherwise."

Your eyes widen at the number of results and articles right off the bat. "doing all right my arse! You're bloody famous!"

"Only a little," Alex protests, running a hand through his hair, pink dusting his cheeks. 

You tell him about going to trade school and your apprenticeship  "Something right out of the devil wears prada! Kept pricking my fingers so badly!" Your friend Sam who does dresswear and complains about how, "everyone wants the same boring sillouttes! Can you believe dropping ten thousand pounds on a dress you could get at Harrods!" 

He tells you about growing up in Sheffield, about his band mates and old friends who have all gotten together or married by now, about his love for the strokes and Miles Kane. 

Alex talks about moving to New York for a girl, about moving to Los Angeles for a different girl. "I guess I'm a romantic at heart," he confesses. 

You blab about wanting to work for an Atilier like Valentino and how you still feel weird about spending money on things like a Chanel bag though you can justify it. About devouring magazines while your mum shopped. 

It had been that initial love for fashion and your grandmothers own seamstress skills that had led your down the path you'd taken. "Poshmark is bad for the environment and the clothes don't even hold up," you ranted. 

Old clothes done by hand had lasted much longer and there was something about making things. "It was always just fun to design something and then see it come together through I nicked myself a lot and my mum made sure I finished my assignments before spending hours in my room." 

Alex asks you about your taste in music which is, "hasn't really changed since college I mean Britney spears still slaps and who doesn't love the spice girls." 

Your shamelessness has him laughing again."I mean your not wrong about the spice girls love."

It's past ten when he finally makes to leave. "So next week at Jaime's," Alex asks once more, worried you might have changed your mind. 

"Yes. Text me the details. Or I guess call if that's more comfortable for you." 

He smiles, resting against the doorway, looking down at you with his soft brown eyes. "Can I kiss you? For practice I mean. . .they'll be expecting us too. . ." 

If you let him go on, it might take two years for him to get to the point and you've already set boundaries. Hand holding, hugging, all the typical couple stuff except for sitting in his lap. 

That was too much for you. A kiss here and there for believability but obviously you wouldn't be making out in public. 

Or at least, if this was real you wouldn’t go overboard in public so there was no reason to with him. 

So you kiss him on his lips, light and quick, just a goodbye kiss. And send him off.

[xmagicxshopx]

Moon Monsters - Chapter 5

Genre: Fantasy Adventure, Romance (smut later), Comedy Rating: PG-13 Warnings: none at this time Pairing: Jungkook x reader, Jimin x oc, Taehyung x oc Notes: werewolf!bts au. Not idol!bts. Same goes for GOT7. Single quote marks ‘ ‘ are for thoughts and double “ “ are for talking. Additional Notes: Not crazy about the beginning but eh. Didn’t proof read most of it. And now I wanna watch The Emperor’s New Groove. XD

Tagging: @och-ako @jiminnies-baby @kfictionstories @justbangtanandjams @lizardsocial @breadcaaat

Summary: You’re the CEO’s new personal assistant. But there’s something strange about him and the company you work for.

SERIES MASTERLIST

“You got me a Hyundai Palisade?!!?”

“Yah. Yah. Pipe it down. You wanna wake the whole neighborhood?”

You paid Yoongi no mind as you stared at the group in awe. They all stood there with almost identical smiles. Well Taehyung’s was a bit boxier but that was just his signature way of smiling. Seeing all of them standing there, these people, they were your coworkers but in this moment they felt more like family. Brothers, sisters, cousins. For the first time in quite a long time, you felt like you had a real family who loved you and cared about you.

“Guys......I.......I don’t know what to say. This.....Everything. It’s too much. I can’t accept----”

“Finish that sentence and I’ll make you swallow that key fob.”

“Wow. We definitely need to get hyung home. He gets cranky when it’s past his bedtime.”

“Guys, I don’t have the money to make the car payments for this thing. Surly you were only able to put a down payment on it.”

You were about to ramble on but it was Namjoon who walked up to you and started gently waving his hands in front of himself before speaking softly in a warm and reassuring tone,

“Listen, listen. We knew this would be overwhelming and we probably could have done this in steps, but you see........the thing about us........that’s just not how we roll when it comes to taking care of others. We go big or go home. And after everything you’ve been through today, we weren’t about to go home. Not till we set the record straight. Not till we make things right.”

“But----”

“No buts. The car is paid for. In full. No payments. All you have to worry about is the insurance which if I understand right, you were already paying on your previous car. All of these expenses have been paid for and all we ask for in return is that you’re happy and healthy.”

“Guys----”

“To add onto that, the title is currently in my name but Monday we can work on getting the title transferred over into your name.”

You were about to try again when you watched Jungkook walk up beside you and traded you the keys for Swiper. You stared down at the orange kitten as he mewed up at you; staring with his large round eyes. It turned you soft. So soft that you could have melted. Sniffling and feeling tears lightly trickling down your face, you looked back up at everyone with Namjoon having since stepped back into his spot in the small crowd.

“We’re here for you, beautiful. I told you it’d get better soon.”

You stared up at Jungkook and sniffled with an apologetic smile. The feeling of his large warm hand rubbing your back was definitely soothing to you as you tried to find your words.

“Sorry. I just-----This was so selfless of you guys. Spending your hard earned money on me like this. Me. Why? Some of you don’t even know me very well.”

“Sometimes you don’t have to know the person to be able to help those less fortunate.”

It was quiet for a few minutes before Yoongi decided to break the ice in his own unique way.

“Well you’re welcome. It’s late. So let’s all turn in.”

“Come on, grandpa. Let’s get you home.”

While Jin, Namjoon, Hoseok, Jaebum, and Yugyeom all escorted the grumpy male to their cars, the youngest two stayed behind with their mates. Jimin had Mama Bird’s hand in his while Taehyung had his arm slung over Widow’s shoulders. Jungkook stood there beside you with his one hand still on your back but content with rubbing his index finger of his other hand back and forth across the top of the kitten’s head; Swiper loving the display of affection.

“Guys......all of you.......Thank you so much. I can’t possibly repay you for everything you’ve done today. Gosh.....I’m just really overwhelmed. I’ll be able to formulate better sentences when this all settles in.”

“Well you did drink quite a few cocktails tonight. That’s probably not helping you.”

You laughed at Mama Bird and felt your face warming up. She had a point. The alcohol in your system probably wasn’t helping you. Smiling from the group to down at Swiper, you leaned down and kissed the top of his tiny head once Jungkook had removed his finger. And that was when you had released a rather long and very open mouthed yawn.

“Oh my. Looks like someone’s sleepy. With all that supposed alcohol, you’ll be sleeping like a baby tonight.”

Jungkook stared at you lovingly but of course you didn’t notice because you were too busy cooing over the orange kitten. However, that didn’t stop him from correcting his hyung.

“Nah. She’ll be sleeping like a princess tonight.”

“Well then let’s not keep the princess up. Shall we go, my love?”

Widow smiled just as lovingly up at her mate as she nodded and glanced over at Mama Bird and Jimin. They too nodded in silent agreement. Turning towards you and Jungkook, the small female said happily,

“Widow and I had a great time today with you, Miss Korea. We definitely need to do that again soon. Oh! That reminds me! Everything is in our cars.”

And as if they had done this like a dance routine, you watched both girls turn to their boyfriends and bat their eyelashes dramatically with almost identical pouts. It was Taehyung who spoke up first.

“For the love of all things Gucci. Put that pout away. All you have to do is ask. My heart can’t take it.”

As the group chuckled, you followed them to the girls’ cars where your purchases were. Making sure you weren’t going to run into anything or anyone, you quickly stole a glance down at the kitten in your arms. Swiper had since started to try and climb up your body as if wanting to perch himself on your shoulder but the protective side of you wanted him safely in your arms instead.

Upon arrival, Black Widow unlocked her car and opened one of the back seats. For some reason, your cheeks started to warm up. Was it because they’d see the shopping bag that clearly stated you had went and bought lingerie? Or was it perhaps the lack of shopping bags you had compared to the trunk full the other two girls had?

“Ooouuu. Kook you gotta see what’s in this bag I-----Ouch!”

You were blushing like crazy as you watched Black Widow come to your rescue by smacking her mate on the back while he was hunched over and inside the back seat; apparently looking through your bags. Oh how you wanted to sneak a glance at Jungkook but you resisted. Mostly because you weren’t sure you could handle what you might find. Was he blushing too? Or did he find it funny? Gah.

With Jimin having opened the other back door, he too was also helping carrying the bags. However, your embarrassment only intensified when you watched the two coming out from within the back seats and easily carrying what purchases you had made; not even needing the third boy’s assistance. If anyone was going to make a comment, you were grateful that they seemed to be keeping it to themselves. It was Jimin who broke the silence by saying happily and casually,

“Let’s head back to her royal majesty’s new bed chamber, shall we?”

While Jungkook never spoke up, it was painfully obvious that he was going to have to take you on an additional shopping trip. There was no way you had enough in these bags to sustain a proper wardrobe. He knew you’d go kicking and screaming, but that was definitely one of the things on tomorrow’s agenda. Thank goodness tomorrow was Sunday. At least they’d have all day, for he also wanted to go grocery shopping so that you’d have all your favorites in the apartment.

The apartment.....their apartment. Just thinking about it made him giddy with joy. His mate was finally where she belonged. Home with him. Where he could protect you and care for you. Love you. Even though you currently weren’t returning his feelings, he could tell you were feeling the tug. That powerful force of nature from the Moon Goddess herself. That little incident in Namjoon’s office hadn’t went by unnoticed. He knew you were already starting to feel the effects even though you weren’t even turned yet.

Which meant he could only hope that one day you’d fall in love with him just as much as he had fallen in love with you. Hopefully living under the same roof would make that even more probable. He felt like the odds were in his favor despite how uncomfortable you still seemed with living in the same quarters as him.

With all the bags carefully placed in the little foyer section of the apartment, it was time to say goodbyes and see you laters. You had handed Swiper over to Jungkook so you could give each girl a proper hug and a proper thanks for everything they had done. It almost brought tears to your eyes as you felt them returning your hugs with genuine love and care. You had never had female friends so this was a big moment for you.

“You be good to our girl, okay Kook?”

“Yes, m’am. Of course, m’am.”

You were a timid, blushing mess as you watched Jungkook reply to Mama Bird’s words with a cheesy salute while Swiper was held protectively in the male’s other arm. Good lord. You wanted nothing more than to run to your room and hide; never to come out again. Boy was it hot in here all of a sudden. Resisting the urge to fan your heated face, you said with a whine,

“Yah yah. It’s late. You guys should be heading home. It’s always more dangerous to drive in the dark, anyway. Shoo. Shoo shoo.”

With the small group of four giggling and cooing over how cute you were, you closed the door and locked it before turning around to lean your back against the structure. Now openly fanning your face, you watched Jungkook chuckle while holding Swiper with both arms now. He knew you were embarrassed and flustered so he decided to take pity on you and left things at that. Instead, he asked casually,

“Want me to show you to the bathroom so you can freshen up before bed?”

“That would be wonderful. Thank you.”

And so after plucking the bag that had your nightwear in it, you followed the young male down the hall and watched him point to a door closer to the end. After giving a soft thanks, you shyly ducked into the bathroom to get ready for bed. After hearing his footsteps fading, you took a deep breath and exhaled to help calm yourself down. Gathering yourself up, you moved to stand in front of the huge lit up mirror.

Wow. Those cocktails really roughed you up.

To say you looked exhausted would be an understatement. The woman staring back at you definitely looked worn out. With another deep breath to help calm you, you reached for the faucet and turned the cold water on. Giving your face a good couple splashes, you cursed when you realized that.......you had absolutely nothing on you that could help with your nightly skin routine. Softly cursing for not thinking about purchasing that stuff while you were out today, you decided to move onto brushing your teeth........which you also couldn’t do.

Tears were starting to well in your eyes. You were stupid. Stupid stupid stupid. You weren’t even thinking of stuff like toiletries when you were out shopping today. All you could think about was having fun with the girls. Your new friends. You had been so wrapped up in having friends for the first time in your life that you weren’t thinking like an adult. An adult who had just lost everything.

Sniffling and trying not to bawl your eyes out, you slipped out of the clothes that Mama Bird had given you and changed into your conservative babydoll nightie. It was dark navy blue and went about mid thigh. You were too upset to even think about approaching Jungkook in it. Jungkook......god you were going to have to tell him......But how? How could you? God this was so embarrassing. You felt so pathetic. You didn’t even have a brush for your hair or hell----You didn’t even have shampoo or body wash for that matter. You had nothing.

You had nothing.

Jungkook had just set Swiper down in his cat bed when he immediately became alert. His mate was upset. Extremely upset. Why? He needed to find out and fast. Quickly rising to his feet, he was met with a tear stained face. Your face. It broke his heart. So much so, that he couldn’t even enjoy the nightie you were wearing. He watched as you sniffled and approached him; promptly stuffing your face into his chest. Your smaller hands gripping the back of his shirt.

“Hey, hey. What’s wrong, beautiful?”

“I’m stupid. So stupid.”

“Yah. No you’re not. Come here. Let’s take a seat.”

With his help, the two of you took a seat on his fancy off white couch and you tried to collect yourself. Gah you were working his self restraint already. You weren’t wearing a bra under that nightie and it showed. Good gravy. Trying not to audibly gulp, he put his focus back on you and taking care of you. In a soft and soothing tone, he asked while stroking the back of your head in a petting fashion,

“Why do you think you’re stupid?”

“Because I didn’t buy anything important today. All I bought was a bunch of clothes and shoes.”

“That doesn’t make you stupid, beautiful.”

“Yes it does! I have no toothbrush, toothpaste, hairbrush, shampoo, body wash. I don’t have anything for my daily skin routine. I have no makeup. Kook I have none of that stuff. Because it went up in flames like the rest of my stuff. I have nothing. It’s all gone.”

By this point, you were crying your eyes out and Jungkook had you wrapped up in his arms. Truth be told, he wasn’t thinking about those things either. Hell, he was sitting here thinking about how you needed more clothes than what you bought. But he definitely hadn’t been thinking about the hygienic stuff. Welp, it was definitely going to be another busy day tomorrow. Rubbing your back, he spoke softly,

“Well how about this.....tomorrow we’ll head back out. Just you and me. We’ll make a day out of it. We can have three nice meals out while we shop and get the things you need. And we can take your nice new car so we’ll have plenty of space for the shopping bags. We can even buy Swiper a couple cute cat toys. How does that sound?”

With a hiccup, you replied almost grumpily, “You’re too nice for your own good, Kookie. You know that?”

Flashing you that bright bunny smile that never failed to make your heart flutter and your cheeks turn pink, he chuckled and said in a tone that sounded an awful lot like he was teasing you,

“I knew you’d like the idea. So for tonight and in the morning, you can use my stuff. It’s not a big deal. I do believe I have an extra toothbrush unopened for when I’m an idiot and forget to charge my electric one.”

You flushed even more pink when you heard him mention that so casually. Gosh. Electric toothbrushes were expensive. The only thing you could gather was that he must make an awful lot more than you. Or maybe he’s obtained some kind of inheritance? Wherever he was getting the money, you had no idea. But there must be a lot of it.

Upon hearing a soft but high pitched sound, you both looked over to see that it was just the orange kitten stretching in his cat bed that was two times too big for him. Jimin had explained that the little guy would grow bigger before anyone could blink so it just made sense to buy the big bed now verses waiting. After a good stretch, the kitten went back to sleep; looking absolutely precious in your eyes. It was then that you felt a large warm hand rubbing your upper arm as Kook spoke up softly,

“I think Swiper has the right idea. Let’s get some rest for our big day tomorrow, yeah?”

“Okay. But what about all the bags at the door?”

“Eh. They can stay there. They aren’t going to go anywhere.”

“May I have a glass of water to take with me before I go to bed?”

“Beautiful, you can have anything you want, okay? You don’t even have to ask.”

You looked up to see him smiling down at you with that charming smile of his. He looked gorgeous while you looked like a train wreck. Sniffling, you nodded and he took that as the cue to help you up from the couch. His hand had slipped from your upper arm to where he could protectively wrap his arm around your waist to help keep you steady.

After pouring you a glass of water from his purifying pitcher, he handed it to you and even took it upon himself to escort you to your bedroom. Your new bedroom. Thankfully when you walked in, it no longer smelled like lingering paint fumes. Carefully setting the glass on the nightstand, you turned around to see Jungkook leaning against the door frame.

“I hope you’ll like it here, princess.”

Princess. That was new and different. You weren’t sure which made your heart flutter more. Beautiful or Princess. Smiling shyly from behind the canopy that surrounded your bed, you felt a blush coming on as you spoke in a small, shy voice,

“I don’t think you’ll have to worry about that, Kookie.”

Hearing those words made him smile with relief. So you were going to like it here? Perhaps that meant you’d stay. He couldn’t help but be hopeful of that. Oh how he wanted to gather you up and lay you in his own bed. Where he could protect you and keep you happy and healthy. But for now, he’d give you your space. He could be a patient man when he wanted to be.

“Well, then I guess this is good night. Sleep well, princess. If you need me, I’m just down the hall.”

“Thanks, Kookie. Good night.”

And with that, the two of you parted ways with him closing your door for you. Taking a couple slow sips of your water, you sighed gratefully at how cold it was. All that blushing had really warmed you up despite your thin nightie. Yeah. You probably should have worn something even more conservative but you could never sleep if you were on the warmer side during the nights.

When you went to lay down, a moan just about filled the room and then some. Wow. This mattress was freaking amazing! You had no idea who picked this particular one but if you ever found out, you were going to kiss their feet. Getting comfy, you tugged the covers up to your nose as you were one who liked to bury yourself in comfort. After everything you had been through within the last 24 hours, you definitely wanted to drown in comfort. The sheets smelled so good. Wow. They must have been washed before hand. You wonder if this was Jungkook’s fabric softener you were smelling. Had to be.

Speaking of.........

Feeling his mate’s heart rate slowing down and sensing you were on your way to dreamland, Jungkook was finally able to relax in his own bed. There was no way he was going to risk sleeping until he knew you were comfortable and resting properly. Since walking into his own room, he had changed out of his clothes for that day and was now lounging in a t-shirt and shorts. Normally he’d ditch the shirt but just in case you needed him, he wanted to be.....dunno.....decent?

“Okay, so what else will she need? Help me out here.”

‘Well......wait why are you asking a dog what a human female needs???’

“Good point.”

‘What’s on your list so far?’

Scrolling back to the top of his cell phone screen, he started listing off all the items he thought you’d need. The items you had listed earlier, more clothing, more shoes, groceries. He suddenly thought about things like medicine. Were you on any kind of medication? Oh! And were you a pads kind of girl or tampons? Just from his own heat cycle, he knew you’d be starting your period in a couple weeks. Wow. Women needed a lot of stuff.

‘Females are gorgeous, precious, but complex creatures, little one. You’ll learn that more and more as you spend time with her. Tis why we as the male need to care for our mates. They work hard and carry our offspring. The least we can do is care for them like the beautiful gems that they are.’

Jungkook could feel his chest swelling with masculine pride. Yes. He was going to take care of his mate. He was going to nurture her and care for her. Tomorrow would be a good day. He was going to treat you like the goddess you were. However, he could only hope that you’d allow him to treat you to nice things. It felt like a battle and a half just to convince you to take his credit card. Yeah.....you’ll probably put up a struggle tomorrow but he could handle it. Hopefully.

After adding a few more items per his inner wolf’s suggestions, the male finally decided it was time for him to sleep. It was hard though. His mind was just racing with everything that had happened today. Not to mention it was hard for him to sleep knowing you were just down the hall. Probably looking absolutely angelic all curled up in your new bed sleeping peacefully.

Or so he had thought.

After setting his phone on charge on his nightstand, he had just turned on his side and gotten comfortable when he felt.....something was off. Surly he would have noticed it sooner, right? No. Something wasn’t right. He could sense your discomfort. Fear. He smelled fear rolling up from under his door. It was you. You were scared. Maybe sleeping in a foreign home was making you nervous?

And then he heard your screams. Your blood curdling, hair raising screams and he was out of bed in a flash. Faster than the blink of an eye. Most of the time he was a clumsy bun, but in this moment, he was a graceful and swift canine ready to attack whatever was causing his mate pain. Barreling down the hallway, he wasted no time in opening the door to your room. The sight broke his heart.

There you were sat up in your bed patting yourself frantically. The sound of your hand practically slapping your skin sounding louder than it really was. You were crying and whimpering as you continued to pat yourself down for whatever reason. The only thing he could guess was that you must still be somewhat asleep and still in your nightmare. Carefully approaching you, Jungkook spoke softly,

“Hey....beautiful? You there? Hey. It’s me, Jungkookie. Are you awake?”

You must have been more awake than he originally thought because as soon as he started to speak, your head shot up and your eyes full of fear focused on his form slowly approaching you. It would seem that you were coming back to reality though as you suddenly started looking around the room. It was then that you slumped forward with your face in your hands; shoulders shaking from what.....he wasn’t sure of.

“Do you want to talk about it? Is there anything I can get you?”

You sat there hunched over with the nightmare still playing in your mind’s eyes. Dear god it had been awful. So much so, that there was no way you were going to risk falling back asleep. As you sat there remaining silent, Jungkook could feel the anxiety rolling off of you in thick waves. He felt helpless in this moment and it killed him. Surely there was something he could do?

“I’m sorry. I probably woke you. I’ll be fine. Sorry to bother you.”

“Hey hey hey. Let’s hold up a minute.”

While his voice was soft and almost like a whisper, he still felt the need to sit you down and get something straight. Sitting down on your bed in front of you, he turned and gently removed your shaking hands from your tear stained face. Gosh he was so tired of seeing you cry. But he also couldn’t blame you either. It just really broke his heart, though.

“You are not a bother. And you’re definitely not fine. You don’t have to talk about it, but you also don’t have to pretend like it was nothing either. What do you say we fix some warm drinks and watch a movie, hmm?”

“I......I was on fire, Kookie.......”

At first he didn’t quite know what you meant. But then it clicked with him. The way you were patting yourself all over earlier......you were patting yourself because you were trying to put out the fire. His heart clenched painfully in his chest and tears were threatening to well up in his eyes. You had a nightmare, alright.

You had a nightmare that you were burning alive.

“Okay. Ice cream it is.”

After helping you to your feet, it seemed like no time at all that the two of you were on the couch watching a Disney movie. After insisting that you pick, it was decided that you’d watch The Emperor’s New Groove as it was one of your favorites and it never failed to make you laugh. As soon as he heard that little tidbit, Jungkook was sold and immediately purchased it to rent.

Your giggles. Dear god your giggles were like music to his ears. Watching you take a spoon full of ice cream only to giggle around the spoon made his heart soar to the ceiling. You were adorable in every way. Precious. Absolutely precious. He had to fight the urges to kiss the top of your head or run his fingers through your hair. But thank the Moon Goddess you were subconsciously cuddling him. He at least got that much.

They were at the scene where Yzma was asking Kronk her famous line of “Why do we even have that lever?” when your giggles tried to turn into a yawn. There it was. The moment he had been waiting for. It would seem you paid it no mind as you went back to watching the movie, having since had your fill of ice cream. Your head was resting on his chest and he was pretty sure you had no idea what you were doing at this point. But he wasn’t about to stop you. No way.

Jungkook was pretty proud of himself. Since that first yawn, he had ever so carefully inched himself lower and lower till the two of you were practically laying down on the couch with you on top of him; using him as a literal body pillow. Not that he minded. Good lord he was in heaven right now. This definitely had to be what heaven felt like.

Needless to say, neither one of you saw the ending of the movie.

[morikothehalfangel]

Holding on by a Thread- Ch 2

Read chapter 1 here!

2,862 words

@keichanz @artistefish @cstorm86 @maikosan3 @dyaz-stories @coquinespike @eternalnight8806-3 @umacaking @stuckinthewrongworld

ENJOY! Ch 3 will be up soon! 

Also know that I totally love reading y’all’s reactions whether in comments, reblogs, or tags. Like, bless. 

(I apologize for the secondhand embarrassment y’all are about to receive) *cackles*

___________________

“I never want to talk about that again.” Kagome whines.

“Agreed.” Inuyasha says sullenly. “Besides, you’ll have to do the same if I have to take a piss.”

“Don’t remind me.” She groans.

She glances back down at their ‘entwined’ hands. Her left and his right. They were so close, it was almost as if they were holding hands, and she didn’t even know the guy!

And she’s still reeling at the fact that she had to pee… So close to him! Sure, he was on the other side of the tree, both of their hands stretched out beside the trunk for adequate privacy, but he could still hear everything! It was so embarrassing, not to mention that there’s no toilet paper here!

She wanted the ground to swallow her whole.

Thankfully, he agreed to put it behind him, so she’ll try and do the same, and, no she will not cry about it!

He’s currently leading her to the village to meet this miko. From what she’s learned, this is Japan, but probably quite a few centuries ago.

She wishes she didn’t sleep through most of history.

And apparently that’s what Inuyasha’s been doing, too, cause he doesn’t know anything, either! He just knows what goes on in ‘his forest’ and in this single village.

Sounds boring, she muses.

They finally reach a hill that connects to some rice paddies down below, a dirt path leading straight from the forest through the village. He keeps walking, not really minding the strange looks given to him by the villagers. He’ll nod occasionally, acknowledging them when they greet him with an awed look. Quite a few of them gawked at her as he led her down the path. A blush continues to reside on her face when he stops them in front of a small hut.

“Oi, babaa! I’m coming in!” He shouts, and he pushes aside the reed mat that acts as her front door. In the back of Kagome’s mind, she thinks that what he just did was probably a form of breaking and entering.

“Inuyasha? What a… Pleasant surprise. And to what do I owe this intrusion?” The old woman calmly turns to him with an amused glint in her single eye, which widens when she spots the scantily dressed girl next to him.

“Cut the chit-chat, Kaede, I’ve got a problem.” He holds up his hand, dragging Kagome’s slightly with it.

She peers at the string that attaches them to each other, then clears her throat, “Well, what exactly is the problem?”

He growls, “It won’t fucking come off! And we can’t even stand more than this far from each other!” He turns to Kagome and motions with his free hand towards Kaede. “Well? Tell her what ya told me!”

She dumbly nods and walks forward a bit, giving Kaede a small wave. “Um, hi, I’m Kagome, and uh, well, we both woke up with this string wrapped around our pinkies, and we can’t… Get it off.” She finishes quietly.

Kaede holds back a grin at the suddenly shy girl. “That does sound like quite the predicament. Tell me, did either of you tie this string?”

They both shake their heads no.

“Interesting.” She mumbles. “Well, if it makes you feel any better, it’ll come off at some point, but even I can’t remove such a powerful force like that.”

Inuyasha chokes as Kagome lets out a keening wail. “W-why not?!”

“What do ya mean a ‘powerful force’?! It’s a piece of some cursed string, not some damned will of the Kami!” Inuyasha goes to move forward but the saddened Kagome prevents him from moving.

“Inuyasha and, Kagome you said it was?— have either of you ever heard of the ‘thread of fate’?” Kaede continues calmly stirring her breakfast for the morning.

They answer in unison.

“Thread of what?”

“I have!”

“So, you have, Kagome? And what do you know about it?” Kaede asks, motioning for the two to come and sit.

Kagome moves forward and Inuyasha follows directly behind. “Actually, I only just learned about it yesterday when my grandpa gave me this ball of red thread for my birthday.” She kneels across the fire from Kaede, and Inuyasha sits cross-legged next to her. He resists the urge to stuff his hands in his sleeves, and it annoys him that to do that, he’d have to sit closer to Kagome.

He likes his personal space, thank you very much.

Kagome continues, “He said that this string would lead and connect those who are far or lost to their soulmate, but I thought it was just a story!”

Kaede chuckles, “As would any, child, but does your situation seem like a lie?”

Kagome gasps and glances over at the silver haired boy next to her. “Are you saying…” Kagome points a finger at him, turning back to Kaede with an incredulous gaze. “That he’s my soulmate?”

Kaede’s answer is interrupted by a livid snarl from said hanyou. “No.” He grinds out. He glares at Kagome. “I don’t do that lovey-dovey shit. I spend my time alone, and I’d like to keep it that way!”

Kaede frowns at him, “Do not be foolish, Inuyasha. No one can take that thread off,” Kaede pauses. “Then again, no one can make you love her, nor her love you. Even still, you’re stuck together until…” She hesitates at Inuyasha’s grumbling, but continues, “Until you two can… Sort this out.” She finishes.

“B-but I have school! And family and friends back at home! How can I explain this to them?” She asks hurriedly, twiddling her fingers.

Kaede raises a nonchalant eyebrow. “I suppose they’ll understand, if you explain the circumstances, and of course, if they aren’t against those with youkai blood,” Inuyasha flinches and quickly avoids her eye at that. “Though I’m not sure what this ‘school’ you speak of is.”

Kagome sighs, “It’s fine, don’t worry ‘bout it…” She goes to stand and lightly tugs the string to bring Inuyasha with her. “Thank you, Kaede-sama, we’ll leave you now.”

Kaede gives her a wrinkled smile, “Of course, Kagome. And please, don’t fret, Inuyasha is not as rude as he may seem.”

“Hey! What’s that s’posed to mean?!” He raises a fist.

“Honestly, Inuyasha? I said you aren’t rude,” She turns away and mutters under her breath, “Then again, I’ve been wrong before.”

“I heard that, ya old hag! You wanna say somethin’, then say it!” He barks.

“Inuyasha, she’s complimenting you, goodness!” Kagome intervenes by putting a hand on his chest. “I’m disappointed, too, but it’s not her fault we’re in this mess!”

He stops growling and lays his ears back at that, a momentary look of shame crossing his features. It quickly disappears, replaced with an annoyed frown. He forces out a goodbye, “I’ll see ya later, babaa.”

Kagome’s face scrunches up in displease. He is so disrespectful! How can this jerk be my soulmate?

She’s forced out of her thoughts as Inuyasha begins walking back to the forest. As they walk to some unknown destination in silence, she begins to not only worry about her situation, but about her family. They’re probably worried sick!

After moments of her trying to keep up with him because her bare feet keep stepping on twigs and rocks here and there, he finally stops and lets out a harsh sigh. He whips around and without hesitation, picks her up bridal style.

Kagome, not expecting this, lets out a shrill squeal, “What’re you doing?! Put me down!”

“Quit yer blabbering! I live kinda far, and I don’t want to end up there at fucking midnight!” He retorts. He then gives her a sly smirk, and it makes her skin crawl at the look of amusement. “If it makes you feel any better, I can’t drop you.”

“What do you mean by ‘dropping me’?” She whispers in slight fear.

Her answer is a rush of air as he starts sprinting at break neck speeds. She yelps and holds herself close to him, not wanting to fall, nor wanting to get whiplash.

After only a few minutes of running and leaping, he begins to slow down.

After setting her down in an exaggeratingly gentle manner, she lets out a frustrated growl and smacks his arm. “You’re such a jerk! I could’ve died!”

The hit doesn’t even faze him, his fanged grin never even wavering. “But you didn’t, did ya?” He replies matter-of-factly.

She continues to glare daggers at him, her cheeks red from her near heart-attack on the ride here.

Speaking of… Where exactly is here?

She looks around the wooded area, taking in her surroundings. A narrow stream cuts through the small clearing, and if she didn’t know any better, it almost seems man-made.

While wondering if that was even possible, Inuyasha walks past her towards a curtain of vines, adjacent to the mouth of the creek. She’s forced to follow him, trying to prevent herself from being de-fingered by keeping fairly close to him. She glances up at his face, his expression somehow looking both annoyed and bored.

Her eyes begin to roam her supposed soulmate. He’s quite a few inches taller than her, but that’s all she can really tell body-wise. His form is mostly masked by his billowy red outfit. A slight movement at the top of his head catches her attention, and for the second time today, she tries to figure out how those ears ended up on his head. They look like puppy ears…

And despite his awful personality and rude attitude, she can’t deny that his ears are oh so adorable.

I really wanna touch ‘em…

_______________________

What a damn nightmare.

Here he is dragging around a helpless human girl, that he is literally attached to, and he has to just deal with it?!

He can’t hunt, he can’t have any privacy, Hell, he can’t even sleep in his favorite tree anymore!

He knows that she more or less feels the same way, but that doesn’t make him any less furious about the whole situation. Thankfully, they can probably get by on fish from his stream, rice from the village, and vegetables he has stored in his cave. At least, until this whole mess is sorted out.

He dares to peek at her from his peripheral and nearly growls at her awed stare. It’s not aimed at him, no. She’s staring at his ears.

His most obvious label as a freak.

An involuntary twitch of one grants him a surprising reaction, and that self-depreciating voice in the back of his mind shuts up. Her mouth opens slightly, and she giggles, her lips curving into a small smile.

This was different from when he told her his name, though. The first one was more awkward, but this? He feels as though she thought they were cute.

Does she think they’re cute?

One half of him is annoyed with the thought. She better not! I’m not cute.

The other half sounds almost hopeful. Does that mean she doesn’t mind them? Maybe she likes them?

He breaks out of his internal argument when they reach his humble abode. Pushing aside the vines, he hears her mumble to herself behind him.

“… almost like a bead curtain…”

“A what?” He asks.

“What? Oh, you heard that?” She laughs under her breath. “It’s nothing, just something I wanted when I was a kid.”

He hums in reply, and the cavern becomes nearly pitch-black when the last vine covers the mouth of the cave.

Kagome halts to a stop, “Uh, Inuyasha? I can’t see where I’m going…”

He sighs and tugs on what feels like a lead at this point. “You don’t have to, I can see just fine. I’ll get a fire started, so just stay behind me until then.”

Warily trusting him to be her eyes, she lets him lead her through the darkness. She uses her right hand to hold on to the middle of thread, using it as a sort of measurement for how far she is from him.

She hears the clattering of what sounds like wood, and suddenly she’s being pulled down. She crouches next to him; not even sure which way is up or down now.

Inuyasha gives the string a slight tug to make her let go. She does, but from the look on her face, she doesn’t seem too fond of the idea.

“I’m gonna strike up a flame, you should move back a little.” His utterance echoes softly through the darkness, and he can see the wave of relief wash over her face. She obeys, holding her arm out for his own to move freely.

It takes him two strikes to get the small flame started. He picks up the hot kindling and places it into his fair-sized fire-pit, the heat not even bothering him.

The fire quickly grows until the orange hue lights up the entire ‘room’.

He watches her face closely as she quickly surveys his little home, curiosity the only emotion present on her face. Blue suddenly meets gold as she turns to give him a tiny smile.

“What a homey little cave you have here!”

He raises an eyebrow. “Homey?”

Her smile falters at his lack of reaction, but she powers through and tries again. “Yeah! You’ve got everything a home could need. I mean, I see you have all of your food stored in one area, along with baskets and bowls, and those pots and pans you must use for cooking!” She raises a hand and points towards the back of the cave. “I see a bunch of furs and a quilt mes— I mean, neatly piled, so I’m guessing that’s where you sleep,” She switches her aim behind them, towards the pile of firewood and a few other cloth covered baskets. “And I guess you keep all your miscellaneous stuff over here, right?”

He thinks over her words and finds that, yeah, she’s not wrong. “I never realized that’s how people set up their homes,” He says softly. “Are they all like that?”

Kagome grins at the sound of his current mood. “Yep! I mean, you saw Kaede’s home, right? Hers was pretty similar, and mine is sorta the same, too!”

He debates over where this conversation could venture and decides to play along. He’d rather her not be angrily screaming while in his secret cave. Just because he keeps his forest quite clear, doesn’t mean roaming youkai don’t show up.

Some search for him specifically to fight over the territory, but he’s stubborn. If he lost this forest and died in the process, he’d be proof that half-breeds are weak. If he lost this forest and lived? Sesshomaru would never let him hear the end of it.

“So, what’s your home like?” He decides to ask her questions to keep her calm. Better to learn about her than her learn about him. Besides, she already knows about his home. Fair is fair.

She rests a finger on her chin and cocks her head to the side, “Weeeelllll, my house is a little different from the huts you’ve seen. It’s like, multiple huts put together, and some are also stacked on top of each other for more rooms in a smaller area.”

Despite wanting to keep his façade of ‘not caring about anything she tells him’, this little fact catches his attention. His ears perk in interest, and he urges her on, “Really? How does that work?”

Surprised, but pleased, to know that he’s listening, she continues, “We use stairs! Oh, I guess you all call them steps.” She mutters the last part with a chuckle. “And we have to use a lot of planning and building materials to do it. It takes a long time to make them.” She decides to divulge in her own description of her home, even if he doesn’t ask. They both seem to be in a good mood at the moment, why not keep it? “My own room is, and now I’m a little embarrassed to say this, almost entirely pink and purple, and it has been for nearly my whole life,” A strange look comes over him, and she suddenly feels self-conscious. “They were my favorite colors as a kid, and I was so used to it, I kept it that way.” She finishes nervously. Does he hate the color pink or something? What gives?

“You said your room was almost entirely pink and purple?” He asks, sounding dumbfounded.

She blushes under his odd gaze. “Y-yeah, what of it?” She shoots back, feeling a little defensive.

His eyes widen, and he quickly raises his hands in a placating gesture. “Easy! I was asking cause, well,” He avoids her eyes, thinking about how crazy it may sound. “Never mind, you’ll think it’s stupid.”

She realizes that he genuinely wasn’t trying to be rude, and quickly readopts her earlier bright smile. “It’s fine! What was on your mind?”

He looks back at her and has a weird duel feeling of both unease and calm at her smile.

This’ll take getting used to.

“W-well…” He starts, looking away again. “I had a really strange dream last night…”

[somuchkdrama]

My Girlfriend is a Gumiho

Episodes 3 & 4

Dae Woong the Man-Child

@rocknghorss: Daewoong is such a frustrating man-child!!! I get that Miho is.. screwing up his game with noona but why can't he treat her more nicely?

@dramajib: I think he's being plenty nice as it is actually. Like he could just ditch her entirely, but he's put up with her (until now anyway). Mostly out of fear, but still. It's not just noona she's screwing up for him, basically since he met her he's got no money, can't go home for (misguided) fear of her eating his family, he's discovered that most of his friends were fake friends..

rocknghorss: I know :( I'm just biased...

dramajib: Ahahahaha aren't we all. 

That whole ship thing at the end of episode 3 took me by surprise though, I was like... Dae Woong is a selfish manchild, sure, but he hasn't been MEAN up to this point. And that was really mean

rocknghorss: it was! He'd had a pretty disappointing day, but still, that was downright mean.  I guess from his point of view, everything was Miho's fault. So why not? Especially since as far as he knows, the water can't actually hurt her.

dramajib: It's awful. I hope he gets very contrite and fixes it somehow. Preferably NOT by diving in the water and swimming after the boat and getting pneumonia

rocknghorss: Lol.

The Greatest Love Story: Aunt and Elevator Guy

rocknghorss: Speaking of fixing things, I like how Miho is inadvertently fixing Daewoong's relationship with his Grandpa

dramajib: And helping his aunt and the elevator guy

rocknghorss: Oh yes lol. Although! I was a bit confused about why elevator guy thought that aunt was married?

dramajib: In the previous episode, when she runs away cos she thinks his daughter is his gf, he sees her standing in front of the mannequin at the men's underwear section of the department store, and when the sales woman asks her if she's buying undies for her husband she says yes, cos embarrassed

rocknghorss: Oh. I'm glad you remembered, b/c I was completely lost.  That said, I was quite amused just how EXTRA they both are. The soft lit sunset behind elevator man as he was (I guess) wallowing in despair was ridiculous and I loved it.

dramajib: It's so cheesy I can't stand it but I also simultaneously love it

Dramajib Goes Off On Noona

dramajib: Kristin have you finished episode 3? I haven't watched 4 yet but I have an itch to talk about noona and all her noona issues

rocknghorss: I’m down for discussing noona (and continuing to call everyone by their title rather than their name for the rest of the drama lol) whenever

dramajib: Hahaha sorry I'm just useless with names!

rocknghorss: No worries Ekta :) It’s all good! I can’t be bothered to learn names of characters nowadays... I’m too lazy

rocknghorss: I was wishing the other day that Seunggi’s character had a shorter name lol

@triangularlily: Doesn't Miho just call him Woong a lot of the time?

rocknghorss: Ooh you’re right.  Kristin you’re awesome. My thumbs thank you lol

triangularlily: Hahaha you’re welcome.

<note: at this point some of us hadn’t yet finished watching episode 4…>

dramajib: Since we're all done with three: KRISTIN, I TAKE BACK everything I said about noona. What a cunt!

rocknghorss: LOL

triangularlily: LMAO EKTA.

triangularlily: Like she is horrible but I kind of like her actually? When she is tired of waiting for Woong so she just drives away??

rocknghorss: Man-child Woong and Noona kinda deserve each other right now…

triangularlily: I guess I like that she isn’t like bending over backwards to get the guy like a lot of second leads do she is like super confident and scheming about it instead. But maybe I will take back my words too cause I really don’t remember her character at all

dramajib: I was SO PISSED with noona's dress scheme in episode 3, hence my indignation. Like, fine, I was all on her side at first because it IS ridiculous the way Dae Woong is behaving out of the blue and not giving legit reasons. I did love how she drove away.

But when she pulled the dress thing, when she KNEW she wasn't wearing that dress, and she let him lose his chance at auditioning, she lost me as a fan cos that's just cruel. You know this is the big break he's been working towards, and if you really cared about him you wouldn't sabotage that just to throw shade on your competition

rocknghorss: I both hated and enjoyed her pettiness.  Just like Kristin said, I kinda liked that unlike many “villainous” second female leads, she was unrepentantly nasty to her “competition” and wasn’t shy about it. I hated it of course, because it was just gross and had the consequence of more meanness thrown Miho’s way

<...some time later…>

dramajib: Okay I just finished episode 4, and I'm wavering again about Noona. Like, everything she says to Dae Woong about wanting him to be clear about his feelings is totally valid and fair. But the way she behaves about getting this lead role in the film is horrendous - and I don't quite understand why she calls him when she finds out that Mi Ho is the girl elevator guy had his eyes on

Hip Hop Guy, Guest Starring Ma Wang

dramajib: I am epicly confused by incongruent hip hop ost second male lead's deal. Is he just trying to restore balance? Kill Mi Ho? Steal her bead? Is he falling in love with her? Like what is going on there

rocknghorss: I’m watching 4 now. When you guys watched it did it seem like the monk knew that hip-hop guy was some sort of Demon Hunter/supernatural being?

triangularlily: Hmmm idk like he seemed very matter of fact about it like oh u can put the fox back nice!

rocknghorss: Right? It was kind of weird but I guess if the monk does actually believe in a nine tailed fox, why wouldn’t he believe that some random veterinarian could bring the fox back to the painting? Lol

dramajib: I love that his name is now hip hop guy. We’re so good at naming characters

rocknghorss: Lol. We are

dramajib: But didn’t Mi Ho call him a fake monk?

rocknghorss: Ooh, you’re right! But maybe that was supposed to be an insult, since he’s been keeping her captive in the painting?

dramajib: Yeah, that’s what I thought at first too. Also cos he keeps telling her story potentially incorrectly?

triangularlily: Oh true yeah

dramajib: Maybe hip hop guy gave them the painting in the first place? Cos he also gave them to the temple dog to guard it?

rocknghorss: I don’t know guys. Hip-hop guy’s backstory is the most confusing so far

dramajib: Right?? Cos I’m like.. Who even is this guy? He’s been passing as human since before Mi Ho got trapped in the painting, which means the girl he killed was even before that, so is he like in exile now? Is he good? Bad? On a different moral scale altogether?

triangularlily: I’m really trying to remember but can’t

dramajib: lol not the most memorable villain I guess. If he even counts as a villain.

triangularlily: I think he’s technically the second male lead lol

rocknghorss: Hm. Maybe he’s being punished like in Hwayugi.  The way Iron Fan was?

dramajib: Oh noooo the Iron Fan thing was TRAGIC I don’t want to sit through that again!! Ma Wang being mopey in his little throne room ugh

rocknghorss: Ugh yeah. Everything about Hwayugi was tragic.

dramajib: Well not everything. Ma Wang’s fashion gave me life

triangularlily: Lmao

rocknghorss: Lolol Fashion was good, it’s true. But how is he the second lead if he’s trying to kill/capture Miho is what I want to know

triangularlily: Lmao

dramajib: Well he loved Mi Ho’s lookalike, so I can see him starting to grow fond of Mi Ho. And like, try to keep spiritual beings together instead of letting her fraternize with humans

triangularlily: Yeah I think its something that develops and maybe we should talk more after u finish 4 Marie

triangularlily: Cause there is some development in that area in ep 4

rocknghorss: Ah. Oky doky!

<...some more time later…>

rocknghorss: I finally finished episode 4 you guys! And started episode five!

rocknghorss: And I find it super cute that the way the audience is supposed to know Miho is falling in ~love~ is that she wants to feed/eat with Woong, not just freeload off him

dramajib: I love her interaction with the neighbourhood mean girl ahjumma. And the whole hunting down coupons thing

rocknghorss: Yes! Mean girl ahjumma was hilarious.  Her voice was perfect lol

dramajib: Did finishing episode 4 give you any further insight into hip-hop guy?

rocknghorss: Ehhh. Hip hop guy is pitiful. I’d like to understand why his role appears to be “monster hunter” because that was still not cleared up unless I missed something.  But I can definitely see why he’s billed as the second male lead. He’s got it bad for her, in his own way

dramajib: I assume we get more of his back story? Because as it stands, it seems like the way he's hunting her down is probably the big plot point, and I don't really get it yet either

rocknghorss: I think we do? I can’t really remember.  He seems to lack a lot of urgency in getting her back to the temple tho.  Like if it was that big of a deal why is he slowing around and letting her decide on her to go back?

triangularlily: Yeah I cant remember either I think we do

triangularlily: *get more backstory I mean

dramajib: At first it seemed like he'd been waiting to catch her forever. Then it seemed like he was guarding society and making sure she's safely locked up. Now it's like he's hunting her for his own pleasure. So confused

rocknghorss: That’s exactly why I said hip hop Guy was pitiful btw. I think he likes her or is confusing her with her previous incarnation(??) and is struggling not to confuse his feelings for the other girl with Miho. So he’s got this artificial choice of duty or love, but he doesn’t even know Miho really.

triangularlily: Yeah he also has been by himself for so long. Like the whole can’t make human connection thing

rocknghorss: Yeah!

dramajib: The connection thing - was living with humans his choice, or forced on him? And if it was his choice, he's also chosen to live isolated, soooo… Not that I don't feel bad for him, I'm just being contrary for the sake of it

triangularlily: Yeah I just mean I can see how he became a bit twisted is all

dramajib: That whole scene where he's sitting with her in his house and telling her what her options are was sad. But I also don't trust him so I'm like... Are you just telling her things so that she'll choose to do what you want her to?

Ending On A Less Angsty Note

dramajib: But I also love that grandpa loves Mi Ho without even meeting her yet

rocknghorss: Yupo.  He’s just super enamored that someone was able to make his grandson grow up.  Grandpa doesn’t want much lol Also! I like that he doesn’t rib Aunt too much about her crush. Even though she’s wayyy too into it (again apparently lol)

dramajib: Lol aunt and elevator guy are great though. I can't wait for his daughter to find out that Dae Woong is going to be her cousin

triangularlily: Looool I didn't think about that

rocknghorss: Hah

[eohl]

Out Of Time

Arthur was the salt of the Earth, and probably also the pepper. My father would describe Arthur as frugal, honest, hardworking, and my mother would remind me that Arthur had a hard upbringing and was like the black sheep of his family. Since Arthur was her father, I trusted that she knew him better.

My father likes to tell the stories of when he was dating my mother and had to win the approval of his future father-in-law. Arthur was very protective of his daughters. He was a well-driller, a machinist, and a farmer. There were never stronger hands or harder days than Arthur’s. One time, when my father was in his twenties, he accompanied Arthur to drill a well in the thick of Virginia’s countryside. 

“The first twenty feet of drilling were easy,” my father recalls, “until you hit the sedimentary rock under all the topsoil. It was like concrete. And there’s Arthur, manually working the machine, getting through it all. ‘Chris, get up here and give me a hand,’ he’d say. And then I was up there, manually working it, while he went on to the truck. We worked hard that day, and I mean hard. And we worked all day.”

But that’s just the middle of my father’s story about drilling a well with my grandfather. “So as we’re driving away from the site, Arthur turns to me and says, ‘You know Chris, I’m going to charge that man $5,000 for drilling that well today, and he’s going to be grateful for it.’ And I’m sitting there thinking, ‘$5,000 wow! I know I’m not in charge, just a day’s helper, but I deserve to have a cut of that for working with him all day!’ So I’m daydreaming about what twenty-two year old me would do with some of that money when we pull into a gas station, and Arthur turns to me and says, ‘Why don’t you go on in and get yourself a hot dog, on me.’ And that was it! An entire day’s work for a gas station hot dog! I mean, can you believe that?”

“That and the honor of marrying mom,” I add. 

“Well, yeah, but that came later,” says my dad.

I suppose “gas station hot dog” is not a bad way to remember my grandfather’s work ethic, but he was strong and silent in the ways that generations of men have ceased to be. He had dark hair until it turned grey, but it never thinned. His fingernails were permanently stained with oil, and he would only speak up at dinnertime to tell everyone else to quiet down so he could hear the TV. 

Arthur and Mary Ann, my grandmother, lived in a white house in the country for as long as I’ve been alive. It is the house where they raised their children and where all their grandchildren have come to visit. Four years ago, when they repainted their kitchen, they finally painted over the pencil marks of everyone’s heights dating back to the 80′s. That was the year that Arthur's cancer treatment failed and his health gradually began to deteriorate in a way that could never be cured but could only thereafter be managed.

In October, my mother called. “We’d love to spend Thanksgiving with you. Would you host?”

“Of course. I’d love to have you guys. I’ll check with Paul.” 

By Halloween, my father called. “Arthur’s cancer is getting worse. Have you called them lately?”

“I haven’t,” I confessed. “Should we go to them for Thanksgiving?”

“Yes. Your mother thinks it might be his last one.” 

That moment always seems so far away until it is knocking at your door. A modern life can easily keep you from the complications of ageing and death, and when it happens in your family it happens so far away. And when it happens to strong, silent men like Arthur, you secretly believe it can’t be happening at all. 

The Thanksgiving arrangements were made: Paul and I would go to work on Tuesday morning, leave by lunchtime, and arrive at my parents’ house Tuesday night. On Wednesday we would drive together to my grandparents’ white house in the country, and spend Thanksgiving Thursday with them. 

Tuesday, at 6:15 in the morning, my mother called. I was still getting dressed for work. She wasn’t crying, but sounded like she wanted to be. “He passed away this morning,” she said.

“I’m sorry mom,” I said. “I’ll see you tonight.” 

Paul looked at me from across our bedroom in the dim dark-morning lamplight. “What is it?” he asked.

“He died,” I said. “A few hours ago.”

Silence held us still in that room, and held us all the way to work. It was surprisingly effortless to say nothing to my colleagues. Saying it aloud to Paul was simple, but it was difficult to say it aloud to anyone else, as if saying it would make it true. 

Earlier that summer I had visited my grandparents by myself. My grandmother had insisted on going into town together, and Arthur silently complied as I drove them around. She wandered around an antique store while Arthur and I sat in the car outside, waiting, mostly in silence.

“What did you teach?” I asked him, reaching for a connection.

“Eighth grade Earth Science,” he said. His voice was gruff, not from the cancer treatments but from a lifetime of providing through hard work.

“For how long?”

“Twenty-five years,” he said after a pause.

“And the well drilling?”

“On weekends and summers.”

“Did you like teaching?”

He was quiet for a moment. “It was alright.” 

After twenty-five years in any profession, I suppose the best I could hope for is that, at the end of that relationship, I could eventually conclude that it was ‘alright.’ There are so many worse alternatives to a relationship that long. 

The silence endured. 

“Do you want an ice cream?” I asked, reaching again.

His face changed: not much, just in the subtle way that, in a manner that was uniquely his, indicated approval. “I guess that’d be pretty good,” he said.

On the Wednesday before Thanksgiving, I passed by the same antique store and ice cream stand. The ice cream was closed for the season, and the gray November sky cast everything with a feeling of gloom. After winding through the country roads we came to the long gravel driveway of my grandparents’ house, and at the end of the driveway were cars with license plates from everywhere.

The small white house was a flurry of activity. My aunts Margaret and Marjorie were by the only computer in the house making funeral arrangements. Arthur’s brother Laurence sat on the sofa in the living room giving directions to his daughter, Molly, who was setting the table. Alyssa, my cousin, was at the sink doing dishes, keeping up with my brother who was serving as a sous chef to my mother, who was at the stove. The TV was on. Uncle Patrick was outside with aunt Marjorie’s boyfriend, trying to set up a canopy tent in the front yard. My family became an ant colony: all chaotically moving in different directions at once but each playing a vital part in the big picture.

My grandma inserted two leaves in the dining room table to fit all fifteen family members who had descended upon her the day before Thanksgiving, and after dinner when the table was cleared, the stories began.

“I remember,” said my brother, “when grandpa called me on my 17th birthday. He called and said, ‘Hello Tom. There was something I wanted to tell you.’ And after a pause he said, ‘Mary, what did I want to tell Thomas? Oh yeah, Tom, I remember the day you were born.’ And I asked, Do you really? and he said, ‘No.’” 

“That’s not as bad as when I had to go well-drilling with him,” chimes my father who seizes the opportunity to remind everyone of his gas station hot dog.

“At least you got a hot dog!” said my aunt. “I was fifteen and helping him drill wells, and mom didn’t let us have long hair because it was too much to take care of. So one morning I’m with him picking up some equipment from the hardware store and the store manager says to daddy, ‘Do you need a hand loading that in the truck or can you and your son handle it?’ And daddy just looks at me, pauses a moment, and says, ‘Nah, me and my son can handle it.’ Can you believe it! He wasn’t going to embarrass me by saying I was actually a girl, but you could tell he knew I looked rough.”

The more stories flowed, the more retrospectively humorous my grandfather became. He was frugal in his stories, and hard working, and strong, and through his work he loved his family well.

It didn’t take long for Arthur’s brother Laurence to find room for stories of his own. Laurence was the youngest in his family, but still belonged to a generation that is racist out of time. His stories immediately silenced the entire rest of the family, peppering the room with racial slurs that no one outside of Mississippi after 1940 would ever say. But behind closed doors, we all become different people.

I got up to address my family that Paul and I were going to the hotel in town. My grandmother stood up, her height reaching only to my shoulders, and hugged me close. “Arthur said,” she recalled to everyone with her arm around me, “’I love everyone in this room.’ He said that Monday night before he went to bed. He said it right here in this room. And he did. He loved everybody here.” She took her time to make eye contact with all of us. “And that night he died in his bed. He died full of love, surrounded by people who loved him. And that’s all anybody can ask.” 

I ran out of time to tell him I loved him, too. 

[qveensbury]

ch 3: don’t fuss over me

summary: a college au iwaizumi x reader fic. slow simmer/mutual friends/meddling friends/meet cutes/“not date” dates

AO3  | just a little oh a little bit | ko-fi

You saw Kaede sitting on a bench scrolling on her phone. You grinned, walking over quietly.

“Boo!”

Kaede jumped clutching her heart. She whirled to face you. “____!”

You laughed, doubling over. “Sorry I couldn’t resist.”

“How c—“

“Miki-chan? Everything ok?”

You straightened.

Iwaizumi looked at you and you saw his eyebrows rise.

“I’m fine Iwaizumi-kun, thanks. Do you know my roommate, ____?”

“We met at Matsun’s party.”

You hastily blurted out, “Nice to see you.”

Iwaizumi nodded.

“Right. The girls told me. Matsukawa and I went to the same middle school before my family moved to Osaka.” Kaede turned to you. “Iwaizumi-kun and I are studying if you want to join us.”

You stammered, staring at Kaede and feeling your cheeks heating up. “Ok.”

“Is it okay with you if ____ comes to study with us, Iwaizumi-kun?”

“Yea.”

His response was gruff and you glanced at him. He’d already started to turn. His ears were a little pink.

“C’mon,” Kaede stood and followed Iwaizumi. She smiled at you.

Iwaizumi opened the door to an empty study room in the library and sat across from Kaede. You stat next to Kaede.

Kaede smirked as she opened her books and started to read. It was the same face she’d make successfully substituting an ingredient or when she discovered an opponent’s pattern of play.

Meanwhile, your brain was a scratched DVD. Your thoughts skipping and stalling.

You jolted. Pull out your books dummy.

You placed your notebook on the table and started studying for a lit quiz you’d have on Thursday.

 I wonder if Iwaizumi is looking at me.

You glanced up and he was looking at his book. You blinked, realizing you’d never seen him so close before.

His eyelashes are so pretty.

Kaede nudged your foot with her foot.

You glanced at her before returning to your notebook.

Maybe he’s checking me out now. You peeked up again.

Kaede cleared her throat and you realized it was meant for you.

“____, do you mind taking a look at this to see if it looks right.”

You looked at the notebook Kaede held open.

<<I’m gonna need you to get a grip.>>

You swallowed. “Yea, it is.”

“Do you want me to check it?” Iwaizumi looked up.

“No, that’s fine. Thanks, Iwaizumi.” Kaede smiled at him.

He nodded in return.

You looked at your notes, reigning in your thoughts.

And studied.

You were pulling out your lit textbook when Kaede clicked her tongue.

“Sorry, I have to answer this call. Okay?” She looked at you, and you nodded. “I’ll be right back.” She stood up, looking at her phone.

You looked at your book.

“Oh, ____, before I forget, I remember where I know you from.”

The three of you crafted the perfect story in case Iwaizumi brought up where he really knew you.

“Yea, I go to volleyball games, so I can wait for Kaede,” you said, reading a sentence for the eighth time.

“That’s not it either.”

Your heartbeat was like an angry wasp in a jar. “You had a shirt that said you were Kamado University’s 12’s Number One fan.”

“Y-yea. Kaede made it for me as a joke.”

Iwaizumi’s eyebrows went up. “So, it was about me?”

You inhaled so quickly, you thought your back would straighten like a slap bracelet.

“I…” You could feel your face and neck and chest climbing toward nuclear temperatures.

“I thought maybe you knew Takenaka who had Number 12 before I did. But, if it was about me,” Iwaizumi rubbed the back of his neck.

“Yea. I—."

“I don’t know. It’s really flattering.”

You exhaled, a little defeated. "I’m glad it made you happy,” you replied, figuring what was another embarrassing blow before you were finished off.

He chuckled, “I’m used to not being noticed.”

 How? How could anyone see that smile and look away?

“Why?” You frowned.

He shrugged. “I’m just complaining.”

“I don’t mind if you want to vent.”

Doubt crossed his face. But you held his gaze, nodding for him to continue.

“You’ve met Oikawa.”

“Yea.”

“He’s this magnet for attention. Growing up, it was like living with a celebrity. And, one of the top aces in the country was living in our prefecture which meant playing against him every tournament and losing. No one cared if I got an all-time best. Ushiwaka would absorb all of the limelight.”

“But, you’re playing in university. Someone noticed.”

Iwaizumi sighed, crossing his arms. “That’s true. I don’t wanna burden you with all my grumbling.”

“It’s not a burden.”

He paused, before smirking. “Right. Number one fan.”

“I’m burning that shirt when I got home.” You pouted.

“What? You won’t wear it to our next game?”

“I’ll go to the game just not in that shirt.”

“But, you looked so cute in it,” he said, earnestly.

“Are you making fun of me? Kaede worked really hard on that shirt.”

“What?” Iwaizumi sat up, his face flushing with blotches of red. “No, I was– never mind. Forget I said anything.” He bowed his head, covering his forehead with his hand, and stared at his book.

You frowned.

Why would he say I looked cute—

Oh. He was flirting.

Your stomach twisted in knots.

“Iwaizumi.”

He didn’t move.

“Iwaizumi.” You waited for a response before tapping his shin with your foot.

He looked up.

“I’ll go to your game.” You leaned forward, “especially because you asked so nicely,” you smiled.

He smiled back. “I’m counting on your support. What are you reading?”

“Literature. I have a quiz on Thursday.”

“Is that your major?”

“No, I’m still unsure. What about you?”

“I’m doing physics homework. I want to study engineering but it’s pretty intense. So, that and volleyball might crush me. Plan B is sports medicine. It’s mostly physical therapy and injury prevention.”

“That sounds great.”

“Just a lot of work.”

“I’m sure you’ll do fine. Kaede never complains about you so I’m sure you’re capable enough.”

Iwaizumi smiled again and you wanted to press the image in amber to save it forever.

“How do you know Miki-chan?”

“We went to high school together.”

“It’s good you know someone in this big city.”

“Osaka isn’t that different from Tokyo.”

“Right, I forgot Miki-chan’s a city slicker.”

“What about Miki-chan? I leave for a few moments and you two are gossiping behind my back.” Kaede reclaimed her seat.

“How was your call?“ You looked at your roommate.

“Stupid athletic department. They misplaced paperwork, so I had to track down one of the player’s doctors to email over a form.” Kaede rolled her eyes.

“Why are they calling you and not your coach?”

“Because I’m the manager. And, I’m better at the bureaucracy than Sawamura.”

You hummed.

“I have class in another half hour and I should get something to eat.” Iwaizumi stood. “Nice to actually meet you, ____. Miki-chan, I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Bye Iwaizumi.”

“Bye, nice to meet you.”

You opened your literature book back open.

“Look at you getting friendly with Iwaizumi.” Kaede’s grin split her face.

You fought a smile. “Maybe.”

“Maybe,” she repeated, rolling her eyes.

+

You looked at your nails again.

Iwaizumi won’t even notice you did them.

You crossed your arms and looked at your shoes.

You started to gather fabric from your t-shirt hem into your hand, pulling them into your fists.

 He wanted you to be here.

You exhaled, letting go of your shirt.

And, Iwaizumi played well.

You smiled.

“____!” Kaede waved at you. “How was going to a whole game?”

“It’s so long.”

Kaede laughed. “These are just best of three’s. And, no one really wants to break the thirty-point mark in a regular-season game. Wait until we have best of five sets.”

“Thirty points? I thought twenty-five took forever.”

“Iwaizumi did really well today. He surprised us with that toss in the second set but it was beautiful.”

“He did great.”

“Oh hey, Miki.”

“Sawamura.” Kaede turned and waved. “Everything ok? Do you need help.”

“Nope. Just letting you know we’re all in order.”

“Great! Sawamura, do you remember my roommate? ____, this is Sawamura. He’s my co-manager.”

“Nice to meet you.”

“Likewise.”

“What were you planning on doing?” Kaede asked.

“My afternoon is open.”

“Hey, you came.”

You turned to Iwaizumi. “You asked me to.” You smiled.

“Ooh, we should get something to eat to celebrate the win!” Kaede brought her fist to her palm. “Iwaizumi, are you free?”

“Yea.”

“Sawamura?”

“I’m in.”

“____, that’s cool, right?”

“Yea,” you glanced at Iwaizumi. “Let’s go.”

Kaede led the way to a restaurant you often went to after your night class.

“Kachan, your favorite waiter doesn’t work on  Tuesdays,” you said sympathetically, putting a hand on her shoulder.

She stuck her tongue out at you. “The pork katsu here is really good. I usually get the soba.”

“I like their rice dish. I think it’s supposed to be like bibimbap,” you suggested.

“I’ll need to see a menu,” Sawamura closed his eyes and crossed his arms, probably to think.

You laughed.

“He looks 75 years old, right?”

“Miki, stop telling people I’m older than I actually am,” he said, eyes still closed.

“Here’s a menu, grandpa.” Kaede handed Sawamura a menu. “Do you need one, Iwaizumi?”

“I’ll try the rice dish.”

“____ does have good taste.” Kaede nodded her head.

“You’re so lucky that waiter isn’t here or I would embarrass you,” you said under your breath so only Kaede could hear you.

“I see a table for four.” Kaede led you all over.

“____, let me get your chair for you.” Iwaizumi reached for the one closest to you.

Your eyes grew a little. “S-sure, thank you.”

Kaede’s eyes sparkled. She sat across from Sawamura, who sat next to you. Iwaizumi sat next to Kaede, across from you.

“____, you and Miki-chan went to the same high school right?” Sawamura looked up from the menu for a moment.

“Yes.”

“What are you studying?”

“I haven’t decided. You?”

“Education. Our volleyball adviser thought I’d have a knack for it.”

“You used to play?”

“Yea,” Sawamura chuckled, crossing his arms. “We can’t all be like Iwaizumi and break into college athletics.”

“It’s their loss. When Sawamura was in the back row, it was like they had two liberos.”

“You played each other?” You glanced between the two.

“Yea, we were in the same prefecture.”

“Oh, with the top ace?”

Sawamura shivered. “What is Ushiwaka up to?” He looked at Iwaizumi.

“That’s a question for Oikawa.”

Sawamura paused and chuckled. “I take it they’re not friends.”

Iwaizumi smirked. “Don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

“Noted,” Sawamura returned to his menu. “I think I know what I want.”

“And you know what you want right, Iwaizumi?“

You looked at him and he held your gaze for a second before looking away.

“I’ve got it.”

Kaede waved her hand and a waitress came over.

“Hello, are you ready to order?” Once you shared your orders, the waitress repeated it back. “The gyoza will be out soon.”

Kaede nodded, “Thank you.”

The waitress walked away.

“Ok, so, Sawamura you wouldn’t manage the team unless Kaede co-managed?” You turned to him.

“I wanted to quit but Kaede convinced me otherwise. Coach didn’t give a good reason to justify making Miki-chan the assistant manager when she was more qualified than me. Maybe if he had said managers need to be former players, ok. But he said it was because she was a girl. Our high school manager was a girl and kept us afloat. Miki has the experience and frankly does a better job than me. I should be the assistant.”

“Sawamura, you definitely were the boy everyone wanted to bring home.” Kaede grinned at him. “Such the gentleman!”

He chuckled, waving his hand.

The waitress set the gyoza on the table.

“These gyoza are great.” Kaede took a piece. “Guys dig in.”

Sawamura hummed. “I can’t wait for the udon if the gyoza’s this good.”

“And it’s all affordable,” Kaede gushed.

You reached for your glass.

“Let me pour you some water,” Iwaizumi offered.

You froze. “Thank you.”

Iwaizumi nodded.

Your chest started to feel fuzzy. You took a deep breath and smiled, dipping your gyoza in the sauce.

“Iwaizumi, such a gentleman. Sawamura, you better keep up.”

“Kaede, he’s just glad I came to his game. Don’t tease him.”

“No, I—“

“I won’t let you beat me, Iwaizumi.” Sawamura poured water for the rest of the table.

You giggled.

Iwaizumi pouted, crossing his arms.

You laughed, sending him a soft smile.

His shoulders relaxed and he smiled in return.

“The gyoza are actually good.”

“Imagine what your bibimbap will taste like,” Kaede smirked.

“You say it like you cooked it,” Iwaizumi jabbed.

“Hey—“

“Yea, Kaede, tone down the ego,” you added.

Sawamura laughed.

“Hmpfh.” Kaede put two gyoza on her plate. “Fine, I’ll just shut up.”

You looked at Iwaizumi again and smiled.

He laughed, leaning forward on the table.

+

The four of you left the restaurant after paying. Sawamura and Kaede discussed an upcoming practice. You hooked your chin over Kaede’s shoulder, half-listening as you looked at Noa’s text messages.

“____.”

Pulling away from Kaede, you turned to face Iwaizumi. “Yes.”

Iwaizumi rubbed a hand on the back of his neck. “Thanks for coming to the game.”

“Of course, you invited me.”

He raised his eyes to meet yours. Clearing his throat, he lowered his hand. “Is it okay for me to ask for your number?”

You raised your eyebrows and giggled at his expression. Why does he look so afraid? Of course, I’d say yes. “You can have my number Iwaizumi-kun.” Handing your phone to him and accepting his phone, you smiled to yourself.

“Well,” returning his phone to him, you said, “I’ll keep in mind that you’re pretty busy.”

Iwaizumi frowned at you. “Don’t—I’d make time for you.”

A/N: title from Hozier’s Cherry Wine. can i offer a flirty iwaizumi in this trying time?

[traumaticexperiences]

anonymous: i think it's abuse, but i'm not quite sure.

so, years ago, middle school-early high school, my mom got more physical.  Used to grab me by the arms or shoulders, if she grabbed by arms + dug her nails in i would too. one time she slammed me against a wall and started hitting/punching? me (cant remember entirely).  didnt leave marks like bruises or anything, just red fr little while. eventually she got less and less physical, and then hasn’t hit me in… idk, awhile.  at least a year probably.  But was this physical abuse?

aside from that, ever since i can remember, she has a horrible temper.  Calls us all names.  When I was younger, elementary school-ish, I remember calling my cousin a bastard.  I didn’t know it was a bad word because my mom called me + my brothers that sometimes.  I figured it wasn’t as bad as “bitch” because she said it less, or something.  She has called me names like that, and worse things like “cunt” countless times.  Same w my brothers.  But a lot of times we get into a screaming match and I say mean things too.  but I think that’s a newer development.  Eventually I got fed up of taking it and started yelling back instead of crying and just letting her make me feel like shit.  I remember a time in elementary school she told me to go drown in the shower.  I remember because I was in some fandom chat room thing and I was sad, and I told them what she’d said and they (mostly older kids, teenagers) were all horrified and comforted me and stuff.  

Also I’m a lesbian, and this was a five-ish year long ordeal that began with her first stealing my phone in 8th grade-ish and reading my text to a friend saying I thought I was bisexual.  It was turned into me “hurting her” because she couldn’t handle it being in “her family”.  She wanted me to just try being with a boy.  I never have and never will.  After getting a girlfriend in senior year of highschool, and after she talked to some close friends of hers, she became more accepting.  But before then, and even after that point sometimes, she’d still call me a dyke when she was mad, usually over my appearance.

Which always has been and apparently always will be a huge thing for her, too.  I don’t like makeup much.  I’m pretty feminine but I don’t really do my hair or makeup ever.  I just brush my hair, that’s about it.  This always upsets my mom.  My grandpa who recently died was in the hospital a year or two ago, and she yelled and screamed at me before we went to visit him the first time because after she asked me, I told her I wasn’t intending to put on makeup.  She was telling me she never wanted to be seen in public with me if I didn’t have makeup on, telling me I “look like a piece of shit without it,” etc.  In high school she’d often have to pick me up because of doctor’s appointments (I have many physical disabilities/ am chronically ill / have mental illnesses) and so often she wouldn’t even say “hi,” or “how are you,” but rather her first thing would be “Wow, all these other girls come out of school looking so wonderful, I want to cry when I see that disheveled mess is my daughter.”  I remember so many times doing my best not to cry in the car, looking out the window at the clouds or the sun thinking it would help me not to cry because that was letting her win or whatever, or at least I thought so.  I would just say “I don’t care” over and over again because arguing with her obviously did no good and just made her yell more.  But even though I really have no desire to do my hair and makeup every day and look super pretty, her comments did get to me.  I’m a freshman in college right now and sometimes I’ll apologize to my best friend / roommate for looking like shit and she’ll have to really convince me that I don’t.  My mom’s disparaging comments really stick with me even now.  I’ll walk out the door and feel super self conscious and have my mom’s words echoing in my head but still not actually do anything about it (do my hair, or makeup, that kind of thing).  

But I’m not perfect.  I forget things a lot.  Like if she tells me to do something I might just forget to do it.  Or if she wants me to clean and I just can’t find the motivation to do it.  Or if I do it but I don’t do it well enough.  It gets into this awful cycle where I don’t do something and she gets mad, and then I get depressed so I just lay on my bed and do nothing, therefore making her more mad, etc etc.  It’s hard because she has chronic pain too from a surgery that went wrong like 16 years ago that messed up her leg.  

And when she’s nice to me, I really do love her.  She’ll help me calm down from panic attacks and she brings me to doctors and gets me the medicines that I need.  I was in the hospital a month or so ago and she drove down to my college (4 hours away) at midnight just to be there with me since I had to stay overnight.  

It’s like, I know she loves me.  And the first few weeks of winter break back in December were good.  But if I stay home long enough she goes back into how things were before I left for college.  Eventually the honeymoon sort of phase wears away, and she’s back to treating me like shit, and I’m back to wanting to go away to college again.  Right before I went back to college I remember she said something about how I do nothing for her no matter how she talks to me, “whether she’s nasty or sweet as pie to me”, and I responded in frustration that she was always nasty to me.  And at that moment I was doing dishes as she told me to do, and she came up next to me and started slamming dishes down and told me to get out of her sight, to not do the dishes and to do them later when she was gone so she didn’t have to see me.  But at that time, she was trying to get off of cymbalta, which apparently has horrible withdrawal symptoms.  So I guess it made her temper even worse.  When she was slamming stuff I flinched, I really thought she was going to hit me (she hadn’t in a while).  But she didn’t.  But I still flinch at sudden movements in daily life–yesterday in the dorm bathroom as I walked out, someone walked in, and I flinched really violently just because I hadn’t seen them coming (pretty embarrassing lol).  

Also not sure how common this is, but when other people around me get into arguments I get really anxious?  My best friend’s family treats me like their own, and her cousin+cousin’s husband took us out for dinner, and on the way home they got into a disagreement and I got unbearably anxious, I actually had to do deep breathing exercises to try and keep myself calm.  I get kinda anxious just thinking about it.  The people involved have never yelled, they’re always super nice to me and each other–it was a perfectly civil disagreement that they were in, just very passive-aggressive tbh.  But it never escalated.  They just kinda bickered and then we got to our destination and they solved the problem, and that was that.  

I don’t know where I’m going with this.  That first thing I mentioned, about her shoving me against the wall, happened like 5 years ago.  I thought I was over it until I tried explaining it to my best friend and ended up a sobbing mess in the process–I couldn’t even talk.  I angrily mentioned it to my mom at some point more recently and she laughed at me, saying she “barely touched me” and making fun of me in front of my brother, who joined in saying how ridiculous I was being and laughing at me.  That experience has made me really question everything, to be honest.  My mom has a lot of shit to deal with, and I’m not the best daughter in the world, far from it.  I get good grades but that’s about all I’m good at, all I can be counted on for.  Or at least that’s how it seems to me.  I can’t tell if how she treats me is normal, and I’m overreacting, or if it’s abusive, or if she’s just angry at me and I deserve it.  Any advice on that front?  I’m sorry this got so long.  

It would be nice if this is anonymous.  But could you tag it as “mint” so I can find it if you make it anonymous?  Thank you.  And thank you for running this blog.

////

yes, what you're describing is abuse! grabbing you, and punching strikes as a really hateful and cruel physical abuse, only a person who really wanted to hurt you would do such a thing. Being called names also comes from a hateful place, and it can hurt so much when it comes from a parent, because they're not supposed to hate you, they're supposed to care, calling you names shows that they didn't care at all, they saw you as something that is there for them to hurt. Presenting your sexual orientation as something hurtful to them is so cruel and vicious, they wanted you to feel horrible about who you are! As if something is wrong with that! I'm really glad you never want to be with a boy. Calling you names for merely being who you are is really hurtful, again, something she does only to harm you. Hatred over your appearance is also something really abusive and crushing, it can affect you really deeply that people can hate you merely because they don't approve of the way you look, and that's terrifying, even more when it comes from a family member. She made you feel like she'd rather have someone else for a daughter, merely because of your looks, that is just too cruel. It doesn't matter if you're perfect or not, you haven't deserved this kind of abuse, someone who cares about you would never do any of those things, because they shouldn't think that you deserve to be hurt. Helping you calm down and bringing you medicine are such basic things, it's really not much, even if it means much to you because you don't really get much affection so even the smallest gesture can feel like love. You deserve more than that. Your mom is abusive and a few basic things she does can't change that. I don't believe a person who hurts you that badly can truly love you and care about your well being. You can't just love a child when you feel like it, and then hate it when you feel like hating it. That's sick. It seems you recognized the cycle of abuse and you know what's going on. I'm glad you're so bright and know a lot of things are wrong. You are scared of her. You're anxious in arguments. She's obviously capable of hurting you a lot, and you know it's not safe for you around her. It's really painful to live around a person like that, and you shouldn't be subjected to that.Probably the most scary thing is how she pretends nothing happens, minimizes the pain she caused to you and tries to excuse her actions and gaslight what you know happened. That kind of psychological abuse can drive a person crazy, and you shouldn't be put thru that, just for the sake of her getting away with it.

[hitachi-grill420]

a month of poems

disorder/chaos/mess

 organization is overrated,

in my opinion.

a necessary evil at best.

 perhaps my need

for clutter to burrow in

is an indirect method of self-harm,

by means of

 managing the Sisyphean task

of prying loose the memories

and forming the treasure map

leading me

to where the hell

I left my glasses cloth.

   $19.99/month

 do not doubt

for a single, solitary second

that if they commodify the sky

they would do so.

 black it out,

darken it,

allow us starlight

as a subscription service.

  Forgetful

 sometimes my brain

functions like a cell phone

with only two bars.

 constantly dropping thoughts,

buffering memories,

and whatever does make it through

is choppy, blurry, and

distorted.

  chewed up tin foil

 run me through the gears

like a penny

in one of those

souvenir shop

flattening machines.

 render me a

useless novelty

destined to be forgotten

in a sock drawer,

or at best

slowly succumbing to the

entropy of a souvenir box,

alive and dead

like Schrödinger’s cat.

  extremely gay

 i am

a (barely) animate

heart-eyes emoji,

staring forever

at the tough,

beautiful,

creative,

powerful,

inspirational,

incredible

women and non-binary people

and trans people

in my life.

 this is

less a poem

and more a declarative statement.

 my heart is not a fireplace,

but a signal fire.

  holler

 you ever just wanna scream?

not particularly out of anger,

or fear.

 just out of a desire

to be heard

and acknowledged

for once.

 it’s why I admire birds:

they let us know

they exist

and are entirely

unashamed.

 Finger

 in a very literal sense,

I saw inside myself today.

as it turns out,

introspection becomes easier

(and less productive)

when you put a fine point to it.

 it’s funny—

getting bloodwork done,

seeing that plastic tubing filling up

crimson

made my stomach turn.

 but there, in the kitchen?

seeing the blood paint the paper towel?

 I felt fine.

  probability

 assuming an infinite number of universes

there has to be

at least one

where

I didn’t just

roll over and let

you pull everything good from me.

 in that universe,

I wonder what I’m like,

not having had to rebuild

my heart with scrawled recipes

and gummy multivitamins.

 would they recognize me?

recognize this

patchwork Frankenstein?

 is the act of rebuilding

transformative enough

to exceed them?

 do you think they’d help me

gouge out

these final traces you left behind

on me?

  artistry

 while cleaning my room,

 I found a number of

coffee mug stains.

 a series of interconnected,

concentric rings.

 i do not think

there is any sort of lesson here

(besides that I need to learn

how to drink coffee)

but i thought it was

neat.

 a brief pause

to appreciate

happy little accidents

can’t ever be a bad thing.

 an anthem of sorts

 sometimes,

I psych myself up

in the bathroom

at work.

 only when I know

there’s nobody to hear me

(because, I suppose,

some part of me still thinks

any praise or encouragement

directed towards me

is shameful).

 the noises of the building,

only really audible when things

are quiet and calm,

become the melody to

my self-made self-help mix tape.

 I have grown to love

the soundboard of modernity,

of planes landing,

the hum of pipes

and of distant radios.

  Decade/decaid

 ten years

is a lot of time.

 I thought I would be

in my career by now

maybe married

(probably not, though).

 time

makes fools of us all,

though.

 I hope that

if I make it

to 2029,

it hurts a whole lot less

to look back.

 I would like rose-colored glasses

with the thorns trimmed off.

  a shorter poem

 I’m bad at

letting things end

when they need to.

 I grip on with

white knuckles,

dig my fingernails into

every single thing

 because loss

and being forgotten

scare me more than

anything else in the world.

  Dichotomy

 a friend once told me,

“Jay,

you’re awful smart

to be such a clueless bitch.”

 I have a hard time

focusing,

not tripping over my own feet,

saying things properly,

holding on

and/or

letting go as needed.

 The real world

is hard to concentrate on

sometimes.

The mental tinnitus

of my neuroses

and my thoughts

occupy my

mind’s bandwidth

like trying to torrent

on dial-up.

 I suppose it’s for the best, though.

 Imagine what I could do

with fiber optics.

  ghosts are real

 I believe in ghosts.

 Not for any particular reason.

I just think the idea of

leaving some sort of trace

(even a solely metaphysical one)

is nice.

 but today,

I do feel like a ghost.

Translucent and hollow

leaving nothing but echoes

and messes

as I glide around.

 I do believe in ghosts

just not all of them.

  creatures of habit

 every morning,

I make coffee,

feed my dog,

take my Buspirone.

 it’s simple

 but it’s a good way to start my day.

 i like these small

islands of order

in oceans of chaos.

 yet,

even within these islands,

lurk that great huntress

probability.

 sometimes, my dog has already been fed

or we see a new bird outside

or I’m out of coffee

or I take time

to prepare a pot of pour-over.

 one time,

a small family

of deer pranced through our yard.

 sometimes,

these little compromises in our routines

can make the routines

a little less dusty.

  Oceanic

 beaches are nice.

 (except for that one time

a bunch of mostly eaten fish and

manatee corpses washed up

on a beach

when I was little)

 they are

a liminal space—

the boundary between

the quantifiable, land

and the infinitely, unknowably massive

seas.

 crossing that boundary,

we are swallowed

more and more

by the mystery,

by the unknown,

and if we are not careful

it will eventually fill us,

consume us,

recycle us.

 at the bottom,

no light reaches

(save for the bioluminescence

of the quasi-xenobiological

fish(?))

and the weight of every drop of water

above you pushes downwards.

 i always wonder—

assuming one could survive—

what would that feel like?

would it crush you?

would you sink further down?

 one day, I’ll meet you

there among the coral,

the vents,

 and we will face the pressure

and we will either

drag Atlantis from the muck

or we will die.

  poem for the lines in our palms

 some people say they can

read your personality

or your future

by looking at the lines on your palm.

 when I trace my own,

I see the curves of

a bull’s head,

of the biohazard symbol,

of the calloused pinky

from holding my phone so often.

 and the lines in yours?

long and never ending,

curving at the edge like the horizon,

patient and soft like

cotton candy plucked out of time.

 there are worlds between us,

separated by dermal layers.

yet, our lines compliment the other’s.

 I can’t say I’ve ever

put much stock in palm reading,

but, hell

 I’ll give it a try.

  well, alright

 my grandpa

was a greyhound bus driver

and a very good one at that.

 his customers loved him

his bosses varied.

 they bugged him to wear his hat,

and he, in turn, refused

until the day

he got a speeding ticket.

 his dispatcher was furious.

Dispatch tore into him,

screaming for minutes into the phone.

 my grandpa just says,

“I don’t know what happened.

I was wearing my hat and everything.”

 I tell every boss I have this story,

to illustrate two important points:

One, I have an excellent work ethic.

And two,

 I have the stubborn orneriness

of hillfolk

chicken-fried into my DNA.

  streamed live from Kentucky, 11/12/2019

 a human body strides forward,

each step heavy with

purpose, leaving blackened,

foot-shaped scars in the cement.

 the heat radiates outward,

melting snow,

soft hissing joining the ambient sounds

of traffic on 238,

the wind,

the sounds of night.

 the body is covered in thorns,

wreathed in crackling fire.

 yet still it walks.

 in front of it stand armed men,

a judge’s bench,

walls and laws and

every other obstacle.

 behind it frolics other bodies,

some bright and rosy

others grey, dirt stuck to their faces

and under their nails.

 yet still it walks.

  poem for cold pizza

 there are things to be said

for small comforts.

 people assuming

I am incompetent

ignorant

or otherwise irrelevant

 is a little less

painful

with the weak anesthetic

of cold pizza

and my antidepressants

and a brief forgetting

of shame.

  poem for a morning run

 “there is no such thing

as a free lunch.”

 I repeat that in my mind as

i stumble into a stop sign,

hanging onto it

as the cul-de-sac warped beneath me.

 my legs wobble,

reverberating upwards into

my stomach, empty

save for coffee

and acid

and a piece of leftover Halloween candy.

 a neighbor,

in a wifebeater and boxers,

puffs on his cigarette while his dog

stares at me as it shits in the grass.

 the earliest steps of any journey

are embarrassing

painful

and subject

to strange and critical audiences.

 but today, I ran.

 not far,

not for long,

and not without watching eyes, but

 I ran.

 poem for a day I didn’t feel like writing a poem

 sometimes, poetry is easy.

 it’s like riding a bike after you’ve learned:

muscle memory,

your innate familiarity,

your own balance,

all coming together.

 today,

it was like I

Eternal Sunshine’d

bike riding out of my head

drug a scalpel through that part of my brain

and hopped on to do the

Tour de France.

 maybe the bike

is also on fire?

  reciprocity

 it’s a lot easier

to give other people

good advice,

 to give them

kind words, pieces of yourself

wrapped in love,

with care.

 unfortunately,

i am a one-way road.

I spew forth care

but receiving it?

 unthinkable.

far too busy.

 after all,

I have gifts to deliver;

 things to spew

  anticipating

 breathless, I sat at the bottom

of the waterfall, staring up

to its source, waiting patiently.

 my chest felt like a rope pulled taut.

i feared you’d fallen on your climb to the top

(i had sat out, since I’d hurt my back

falling drunk off the porch

a few nights prior).

 damn,

if I don’t wish that tension

hadn’t been in vain now.

  quarantine

 I am, essentially, the sum total

of a billion viruses.

poxes of sadness,

the belligerent fever of mania,

this infectious anger that bubbles

in my guts like stomach acid.

 A splash of cool girl bacteria,

a shattered Petri dish of septic anxiety.

 Inoculate yourselves against me.

I am a pestilence,

a plague,

an outbreak of rebellion

and sadness

and anger

and the radical desire

for the freedom of solitude.

  victory

 celebrating small wins

(even if, ultimately, their impact is limited)

keeps your spirit ignited.

 we may have only taken

one mile out of a hundred,

but damn

if this mile ain’t a pretty one.

  poem for colloidal silver

 colloidal silver,

in excess,

turns you blue.

 this is a more direct

cause-and-effect

than a lot of us can ask for.

 hucksters passed it off

as a cure-all, the

hypothetical snake oil,

a panacea.

 exploiting suffering for profit,

under false pretenses,

earns you a special place in hell

and I hope that place is a vivid cyan.

  poem for a scab

 I’ve never been sure how scabs work.

 i know what they do

 and that platelets are involved, I think

but beyond that, I’m stumped.

 I assume it’s something like patching a hole

or sewing a button on.

 with or without our knowledge,

our understanding,

our bodies repair themselves as needed.

our skin knits itself together,

diseases are fought off.

 we fight off a lot without knowing.

 perhaps it is better that way.

  an impulse

 don’t ever assume I know anything.

first mistake: I am a reaction.

vinegar and baking soda,

pouring up and over the rim,

spilling on the porch

on a hot April day.

 First mistake: i was prepared.

the ant stored up food all spring.

the grasshopper laid around.

in winter, the ground froze

and both of them died.

 first mistake: we cling too hard.

do you remember?

when you drank my savings,

slept with your space heater,

couldn’t spare a blanket?

i had six arms then, could lift

anything set in front of me,

but you left me outside and

now the frostbite’s set in.

 first mistake: we hold on.

I feel the phantom pains of

those six strong arms, of

the space left when I dug you out of

me, of

the cold morning air

and the lingering taste of

Kentucky Gentleman

and the smell of vinegar.

 first mistake:

not expecting you to jump

the day the cold blew in.

  poem for the embers

 anger is a good way to fuel yourself

especially when you don’t have

anything else

 to run on.

 but now I’m tired.

now all my insides feel burnt up,

the undergrowth in my guts

black and withered and smoking,

devoured by gluttonous rage

and my acid reflux.

 there are two wolves inside of us

and mine are both picked clean,

their bones bleaching in the dazzling light

of the thorium reactor that’s taking up

the scar tissue where I used to mine for joy.

 if I keep this bonfire going,

until I reach where I need to be,

will there be anything left inside me?

 is the fuel to move worth it

if only wreckage arrives?

[gwassysworld-blog]

knocked up

back in 2000 before online dating was cool there were these things called chat lines that you would call into to meet people. It was really a way for prostitutes to work from home before craigslist. but it was also fun when ur bored to get fucked up and mess with people in the middle of the night.. well at least for me it was..

well one night on there i some how started talking to this guy from Cleveland, and he just wanted to talk, i don't remember details but i told him to come up to my work the next day so i could have a look at him.. and he did.. and i left with him.. He took me back to his house in Cleveland and told me his whole life story on the way out there.. how he was 26, surprisingly the same age i had told him i wouldn't date older than. that his grandma raised him because his mom was a “wall licker” and was in a mental hospital.. that he was married, and had a 4 year old son, but the mother had taken him and moved away and he hadn't seen him in 2 years. he went on to tell me that this caused him to have a vasectomy so he never had to go through this experience again.. ya know pull at the heart strings.. i don't no really what he was trying.. but hey it worked, he was in me unprotected that night.. i hung out with him for about a week or so, until we went to get beer one night and he was carded.. I heard that cashier say “you don't look 32.” .....32? but u said u were 26... we got out to the car and i told him i wanted him to take me home. Theres one thing i don't like in life and its liars, u can lie about knowing me to other people, but don't lie to me. Instead of taking me home he drove back to his house. and told me to go in and get my things. good thinking, don't want to leave those behind. We got inside and he sat down and told me he wasn't going to take me home that i needed to get over it ... you don't tell me what to do.. its just never worked that way.. my parents tell me enough what not to do, i wasn't going to have a man tell me.. it escalated very quickly.. but like i said i hadn't know this guy that long.. right out hes lying about his age.. and i wasn't that interested either.. so i went to grab the phone to call my mom, a struggle happened and my head went through a wall.... i ran out of his house down to this convenient on the corner and called my mom and had her come pick me up... one psycho down..

me and my mom had a great talk on our way home. i think it was just like a tipping point.. i knew things were out of control and i didn't no what to do with my life. and she was my mom i should be able to talk to her about these things.. not so much.. i even told her i was cutting and she looked at me like i was crazy, i told her about a night when i was about 15 and out in the garage with my dad and one of his friends, they were partying and his friend grabbed me and kissed me and grabbed my ass, right in front of my dad, my dad laughed, i bit his lip.. yup her response, even to this day.. that never happened... My parents were swingers with this guy and his wife so i think it was more of a we cant open up any can of worms talking about this guy... or she just didn't care. which was shocking to me because in her crazy night time talks she would have with my dad when they thought we were all sleeping, i had heard her talk one night about how she had an uncle that forced her to do things to him. i figured she would definetly get it.. well this solidified the fact that i can never talk about what happened when i was younger.. this shit just had to stay bottled up.. she didn't care.. i stayed up the whole night crying and cutting the shit out of my arms. i just wanted to figure something out, i just wanted to get out of my parents house, i just wanted someone to want me, someone to talk to.. everything around me was falling apart, danny had pulled a knife on lisa cause he found out she cheated on him.. and i was like their kid stuck in the middle until they both quit and forgot about me. and slight friendship i had with anyone from school was over, either cause i slept with their boyfriend or they had left for college.. and here i am working in a pizza shop, walking to work..

So i go to work the next day and its just me and billy working the afternoon shift. All through high school our “sex” was a big secret but he was my friend, we would sit and talk for hours every night and he knew.. he knew me.. he knew everything. He also knew it was strange when i walked in with a long sleeve shirt on a 85 degree day to a pizza shop with no air conditioning.. he said something .. half joking half not asking if i had moved onto heroin and was covering my tracks..  no man, and the tears just started again, i pulled up my sleeves and fell to the ground, like someone please just hold me I'm cracking up.. and he did, he ran over and took the phone off the hook and he got down on the ground with me and wrapped his arms around me and just held me.. and then we had sex.... on the floor..  dignified.. right.. even in my weakest moments all i was ever seen for was sex.. but that was life and that was normal.. afterwards he told me about how he had an older sister that also would cut and told me of a place to go to get help and to call him whenever i needed someone.

well you know after you have an extreme lava flow of emotions sometimes you see things more clearer... well i do.. it always feels like when i finally let it all out i feel so much better.. i called that place and went to one counciling meeting.. but it was an eye opener i guess.. like time to figure some thing out.. partying like ur parents isn't going to get you anywhere.. so i started to make a plan.. stopped going out and stayed home with my sisters every night. i had this great plan that i would move out and get custody of them, but i needed to at least be there for them for now, they were still young, and it wasn't fair i was running away from them all the time because i didn't want to be stuck in that house, but i forgot they were there by themselves to see it.

alright so I'm on the right track, a month or so goes by and i start getting really sick to my stomach .. a lot! oh, let me think about this.. i haven't had my period in a month or so... oh shit.. i took 3 different pregnancy tests in various fast food bathrooms.. all coming back the same.. damn girl your pregnant...

my mom was the first one i told.. i couldn't keep it from her very long... she cried, but not in disappointment, she cried because she was so excited she was going to be a grandma.. then my brother called and she told him “guess whos pregnant?” i guess he had an ow shit moment, like who called you, who did i knock up, but was greatly releaved when she told him it was me.  My older younger sister didn't really care, but my youngest sister was really embarrassed and didn't want anyone to know... my mom also told my dad who didn't speak to me for almost 4 months... but that was it.. no talk about future, no talk about what i should do.. your pregnant, your pregnant, will figure it out, get up time to go make the pizzas.

it was starting to get colder out so the general manager picked me up for work.. i got in and he offered me a cigarette and i declined.. hes like what the heck your not pregnant are you... totally in a joking way.. he had no idea.. and i could tell by the look on his face when he saw the look on my face when he asked.. he was like holy shit.. you are...? and he quickly followed with.. its not billys is it?

what? i mean? we don't sleep together?

he was like stop seriously everyone knows..

well ya its billys and i guess i have to tell him..

great... i think i told him that day.. i don't really remember.. he didn't take it horribly.. i mean he didn't get pissed off or bring up abortion.. mostly like hey ur 18, I'm 19, our lives are kinda crazy right now, i still have a girlfriend.. what the fuck.. he also asked if i was sure it was his..

think back.. yup its yours.. i hadn't been with anyone else.. since that creepy guy and he had a vasectomy, yup sorry its yours.. ok will get thru this..

he didn't want his parents to know tho, not right away anyways, and i totally respected that, so did everyone we worked with, and outside of my family, no one really knew.

I got a full time job working for this electronics distributor. My parents were swinging with the owner of the company and his wife so it was an easy in...so i did that  during the day and was slinging pizzas at night. It was kinda funny cause after i told billy about the job he made me aware that his sister and aunt also works in the building so don't get chummy with the wrong people... this job sucked... but i was making money, and i was pregnant, so i was doing things right.. i didn't have anything to spend my money on so i just saved and bought a car. all i did was work and spend time with my sisters. Billy was around he would take me to appointments, but he had a girlfriend.. and that wasn't me..

Eventually my dad started talking to me again, after coming home drunk a shit one night and asking me to drive him to a different bar.. we never made it out of the driveway .. he just broke down in tears telling me how shitty of a dad he is and how hes going to be the best grandpa and always love this kid.. i had heard my dad cry several times to me like this about being a shitty dad.. it was always when he was drunk and supposibly moving out.. secretly back then i always hoped he just would already, but then he would pass out and the next morning things would be back to normal.. this situation wasn't much different.. i really didn't care about the things he was saying to me.. he never really talked to me anyways so this wasn't that big of a deal that he hadn't been.. i wasn't affected anyways.. but he said he would always love this baby and i hoped he meant it..

shortly after that my dad called billys parents and let them in on all the news as well... I guess they took it well.. i met his mom and his sister for the first time at dinner at applebees.. by this time I'm like 6 months pregnant.. she was the sweetest lady and i cant say that enough about her.. it was kinda weird that i had never met her before.. but when i was at billys it was for parties when they were out of town.. so.. we didn't cross paths i guess.. she told me that night though that her and billy had a long talk about the baby.. that billy still wasn't positive if it was his but that her family wanted to be very supportive through the rest of the pregnancy but they wanted a paternity test.. so i guess u can see where this is going.. billy continued to take me to my appointments.. his family went out huge for the baby shower... and at 3 oclock in the morning when my water broke they were the first ones i called and they were at the hospital before  got there...

well mainly because at 3 oclock in the morning by brother and his friend were just walking in drunk.. and my mom and dad followed... drunk... both my sisters woke up from all the commotion so theres all of us standing in the kitchen and I'm like ok ass holes my water broke whos sober enough to get me to the hospital. so my dad drove me, with my mom in the front and i laid in the back and my dad had my brother and his friend follow him with my sisters and gave him instructions to stay close and not let a cop get behind him, because got forbid someone gets a dui tonight, just get me to the hospital.

the labor was so quick, i remember getting there and they gave me an epidural right away which made me shake uncontrollably and scared my sisters because they though something was wrong.. and then minutes later i felt like i had to poop and they were like shit here comes the baby.. he was born by 6 in the morning.. and there he was .. my beautiful little boy.. my little boy that i knew had just joined me on this journey against the world.. living in my parents basement.. but i wasn't scared.. i knew no matter what things would work out.. i would figure it out.. at least i really freaking thought so.. he was mine and i had to get through this..

being a mom became more routine than anything.. i went back to work and dropped the weight right away.. i was back to me.. not pregnant.. T would be up every night.. all night.. he was so colicky.. then i would get up, go to work and he would be with my mom during the day. i quit the pizza shop so i could be at home with him in the evenings, and billy was taking him every weekend. things went pretty easy for the first 4 months.. i had this working mom thing down..

then the paternity test results came back... Billy you are not the father...