#I’m tired of how they keep failing yet are meant to be intimidating

[gaybutterflynerd]

Ok hot take: The Eggpire should’ve won at the banquet.

Gonna be honest I really want the Eggpire to win in a major stream. It’s just... I guess I’ve always had trouble taking them seriously and antagonistic force? Let me explain why.

One of the things I love about The Dream SMP is the fact that the antagonists have a long history of winning. When it’s a battle between 2 conflicting sides it feels like battle, and (in the older streams especially) because of the improvised status people didn’t hold back, and it felt like if someone managed to win organically there would be no chance of retcons. Anything can happen. That’s the best part of it being streams, there’s no “oh there’s a bunch of episodes left with ‘insert thing here’ in the title, so they to win”. There are real, unpredictable stakes. Not to mention, every major antagonist has done something tangible, and had something that makes them a real threat. Let’s look at the antagonists thus far:

Dream (l’mansburg independence war):

Actively prevented L’mansburg from becoming a thing. He was the admin, it was his say.

Had stolen the Discs back in the disc war

Got Eret to betray everyone, causing all of the members to die

Blew up the nation itself

Killed Tommy in a duel

Got power over Tommy via the discs

Basically won the war

Final Explanation: Though this was back when there was less roleplay there was still tangible acts and reasons to take him seriously. Not only did he have a past with conflict with the current “protagonist”, he basically won at every step of the way. He was bad, because he stood in the way of the “protagonists” getting what they want, and he had real power to do that.

Jschlatt:

Had the presidency, and by the viewer vote rather than a simple power seize (legitimacy as a threat)

Had the charisma/intimidation to get the citizens of L’mansburg to enforce an exile of Tommy and Wilbur

The speech. You know the one.

 Was abusive to Quackity

Killed cats

Taxed Niki (and got her to pay said taxes)

Caused Wilbur’s downward spiral

Manipulated Tubbo, and purposefully kept him from Tommy

Had the intimidation/charisma/perceived power to get Techno to kill Tubbo (his ally) at the festival.

Was directly responsible for Tubbo loosing his cannon lives, this would later be one of the reasons he was so vulnerable to Dream

Warped the nation into something that felt wrong

Got Dream to betray Pogtopia

Final Explanation: While Jschlatt didn’t have a lot of power tangibly, he had a ton of power in convincing others to do things, and was very good at seeming powerful. That being said the effects of this persuasion had the tangible consequences of lives lost, and lost allies. Not to mention he wasn’t even the main antagonist on Doomsday, I’d argue that goes to...

Wilbur Soot:

Blew up L’mansburg

Lied to Tommy, and betrayed him on Doomsday

Was someone the audience saw as a good person before Wilbur’s downward spiral (legitimacy)

His speeches were some of the most iconic in the series

Was someone Tommy looked up to

Worked with Dream, a known antagonist

Actively egged on Tommy’s anger in the pit

Kept trying to pressure Tommy to do things he repeatedly said he didn’t want to do

Actively staged the blowing up if L’mansburg so that Tommy would be onstage when it blew up. Tommy who also only had one cannon life. Even if it didn’t succeed, attempted murder to prove a point is not okay.

Didn’t care when Tubbo died in the festival

Didn’t care that Tubbo was onstage

Didn’t care that Tubbo was onstage when he blew up L’mansburg

Final Explanation: Even if you don’t view Wilbur as a bad person, he has done some bad things, and was most certainly an antagonist. He destroyed the nation we worked to build, and his paranoia caused him to do actions that could be described charitably as questionable.

.

Dream (exile conflict and beyond):

(Oh boy, this is gonna be a long list...)

Did everything himself (legitimacy x10, especially after Jschlatt’s power and downfall being reliant on others)

Previous history as an antagonist

Super skilled and powerful. One of the best fighters on the server. Extremely powerful. (legitimacy)

Took 2 of Tommy’s cannon lives. Eventually took all 3.

Used the threat of Tommy’s death to get him to go what he wanted. A threat caused by said taking of 2 cannon lives.

Built walls around L’mansburg, and forced Tubbo to exile Tommy for him to stop

Blew up Tommy’s armor (and other stuff) every day in Exile

Manipulate Tubbo into thinking he was his friend.

Told ghostbur to go into the forest and leave Tommy so he would be alone at the party

Kicked George off the thrown

Payed Sam to make Pandora’s Vault to imprison all his enemies. Actively helped with the construction.

Telling Tommy his friends hated him

Telling Tommy that Tubbo never actually visited to make him question his sanity

Just, his entire abuse and manipulation of Tommy

Overall, just exile (I’m not going to list everything, there’s too much)

Seemingly having no points of attack against him (legitimacy)

The scenes of Techno to get Techno to hand over Tommy (legitimacy)

Getting Techno to team with him to blow up L’mansburg (legitimacy)

Blowing up L’mansburg for a final time

The fact that him, Techno, and Phil won against the entire rest of the server (legitimacy)

His manipulation and control of Ranboo

The Vault, and him getting Tubbo and Tommy into a vulnerable position despite their preparations

The fact he was going to force Tommy to be completely isolated in a prison with the only think he could do is think about how it’s kind of his fault his friend died

The fact he was going to kill Tubbo

The fact he was going to keep Skeppy in a 1 by 1 cage to blackmail BBH

The fact he was going to steal all the server’s most valuable possessions to control them

Manipulating Sapnap during his prison visit, so he could facilitate further manipulation of Ranboo

Killing Tommy in the prison

Laughing after her killed Tommy in prison

Saying he was going to kill him again as an experiment

Saying he was going to brung back Wilbur, specifically after Tommy begged him not too

His reaction to people finding out about Tommy’s death and revival was “do they think it’s cool”

You get the point, Dream was done a lot. Its a very long list.

Final Explanation: Dream is powerful because he physically does everything himself. He has no apparent weakness. He’s manipulative, seemingly obsessed with hurting Tommy, physically powerful, and is the primary antagonist to the server. He wins the majority of the time, and when he wins it doesn’t feel like anything could be done to prevent it. He also relies on himself for basically everything. Overall, Dream does an amazing job of being an effective threat.

While I could go into the other characters that are more controversial as being classified as “antagonists”, I think you get the point. What makes antagonists on the sever intimidating is the tangible things they do. Every good antagonist on the server has a list of mostly irreversible tangible effects of the plot. Jschlatt got Tubbo executed, Wilbur blew up L’mansburg, Dream did... a lot of things. Every major antagonist has succeeded in some way at successfully irreversibly hurting or destroying something the audience had an active attachment to. However in my eyes the egg has not done this as well as the other antagonists.

What makes the egg different from any other antagonist as its fundamentally a bunch of blocks, rather than an actual person. Not to say the egg can’t work because of it, but in general selling the audience of the idea that it’s am actual dangerous force is extremely important. Unfortunately, it doesn’t really succeed in doing so.

Let’s attempt what we did for all the other antagonists, but this time apply it to the Eggpire. Let’s see what they have they done:

The Eggpire (feel free to add anything I miss):

The egg warps the mind of those on the server. It can generally influence people into either loving or seemingly into hating it.

It twisted Bad (an previously wholesome character, but with hints of a darker side) into someone willing to do some pretty bad things, including murder (legitimacy)

It brainwashes its members into working for it

The Egg took Skeppy, this is likely why Bad is willing to work for it

They tried to kill Tommy multiple times simply for the fact he’s immune to the egg

They celebrated Tommy’s death due to his connection with the egg

They tried to feed Puffy (someone originally a part of the Eggpire) to the egg. They eventually send a mercenary after her as well.

They put Sam in a hole with The Egg overnight. Though he did not join, he ate his own skin, however this has not been mentioned as a persisting injury, or even been mentioned again to my knowledge.

They stuck Ranboo in the hole near the Egg. This caused him to freak out and later try to destroy it.

They stuck Hannah in a box near The Egg despite her allergy to it.

The egg blew up a statue in the Foolish confrontation.

They trick and trap everyone at the Red Banquet

They planned to execute a room full of people

They Killed Foolish

So on the surface, it looks like they’ve done a lot of bad things on par with the others. However upon a closer look you will realize something: almost everything on this list either failed, or was something that had no importance established before The Egg plot started. Let me explain why with all the corresponding bullets:

The egg warps the mind of those on the server. Yes, it technically does, but when you think about it no one who actively was against the egg has been forced to join it. The only person was Bad and it wasn’t The Egg’s control, it was Skeppy. Even those left overnight with it haven’t joined. We can only conclude it’s abilities are fairly weak.

It twisted Bad. Actually this is a fair one, though it should be noted Bad had basically no plot relevance before this arc. However, though this one is a legitimate source of legitimacy for The Egg, it’s a bit counteracted by all the other points.

It brainwashes its members into working for it. Does it really though? Basically everyone but Bad was influenced by it offering power. No one who actively hated the idea of joining the Egg has joined it, despite Bad’s claims. They mostly all joined for power, power they seemingly have no gotten. But still not much has changed as The Badlands was already power hungry before The Egg. It can be argued that thats the point, but it still fails in relation to all the other Eggpire failures.

The Egg took Skeppy, this is likely why Bad is willing to work for it. This is another good one... except it happened 4 months ago...

They tried to kill Tommy multiple times. Yes they tried. And failed. Multiple times.

They celebrated Tommy’s death due to his connection with the egg. While this is bad as an action, it’s more of a “look how x has effected these characters” than an actual tangible bad act. It’s more of a dick move than evil.

They tried to feed Puffy to The Egg. They eventually send a mercenary after her as well. Yes they tried. And failed. And yes they did try to send a mercenary. A mercenary who not only failed, but betrayed them.

They put Sam in a hole with The Egg overnight. You know this could be good if it left a scar, or became a big thing in Sam’s character. However it was never mentioned again.

They stuck Ranboo in the hole near the Egg. He got out after immediately, they didn’t even close the hole. Also I don’t see “one of the most rich people on the server now wants to destroy you” as a win. They seemingly gained nothing from this.

They stuck Hannah in a box near The Egg despite her allergy to it. Okay finally they turned someone. Someone completely new to the server. Someone who was not involved in any events before this. You know, like every other Eggpire member.

The egg blew up a statue in the Foolish confrontation. This is the only display of power we have ever gotten from The Egg, and Foolish out completed them with the “Totem of Death” thing. It wasn’t even an important statue.

They trick and trap everyone at the Red Banquet. They do that. Then they loose and get The Egg itself captured by all of their enemies directly after pissing them off.

They planned to execute a room full of people. They did plan to do that. Then they failed. They failed partially to do with the act of poking Techno with a stick that was his visit with Ranboo.

They Killed Foolish. This would be a lot more impressive if Foolish didn’t have all 3 cannon lives left, and if it wasn’t followed by them failing to kill an entire room of unarmed people, and having one of their own members loosing a cannon life. And they lost the godamn egg itself

Basically everything done was either to something newly introduced to the roleplay, or it failed. The Eggpire keeps repeatedly failing every step of the way, and has yet to have a major success. What makes it not work it though it may win some battles, it’s never at a state of winning the war. It makes it so hard to take them seriously when they make a threat. They have the success rate of Team Rocket from Pokemon, and seemingly every stream has them blasting off again. There are plenty of things that could be done to remedy this: they could get someone with heavy plot armor previous establishment to the lore under their control, they could make a plan that actually succeeds, they could successfully pull of an execution like the one at the banquet, or anything that physically effects the characters on the server. However they need to succeed in something. The problem with the failure at the banquet was that it further proved that the Eggpire will never succeed. It could’ve been a killing on par with Doomsday, yet instead we got deus ex Techno and Quackity.

I rest my case. Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk.

(But anyway that’s just my view of why I never could really be intimidated by the egg, I’m open to counter arguments and suggestions. Lol I really just want the egg to successfully do something)

[minty-fanfic-corner]

Hi! Could i please request (if you open;;) female reader with Xiao, Venti (you can add someone else if you like!) , when reader is Lumine/Aether's (you can choose!!) Adventure partner but not as popular like Lumine/Aether! It's like all people attention goes to Lumine/Aether and not you. Even though you also doing your best helping people but they're only thanking Lumine/Aether :(

I'm sorry if this confusing you ;; i'm kinda bad at english;;

Dear anon,

IVE BEEN WANTING TO WRITE SOMETHING LIKE THAT FOR SO, SO, SOOOO LONG! So watch me also make more parts of this with other characters hehehehehe. Also it wasn’t confusing at all! Your English is great ^^

Hope you’ll like it!

A/n: I’ve never wrote Venti before, so I hope it’s okay! It’s not the type of character I usually write ^^’ and as always tell me if I made any big mistake aaaaaa

[Kazuha and Albedo version is here!]

Xiao

“What were you thinking??“

Xiao was standing in front of you, anger shining in his eyes. You took a step back, intimidated by his sudden outburst. You had just came back from a mission with Aether, where you hurt your leg. It wasn’t anything too bad; you’d just need to rest for a week at most. Yet, Xiao made it look like you had almost died. You furrowed your brows, confused by his action.

“I was just doing my duty! I was just helping!”

The adeptus sighed and rolled his eyes at your answer. This just made you even more confused. If you weren’t supposed to help, what were you supposed to do?

“You should have let Aether do it, (Y/N).”

“So… I’m not supposed to help him? I should have let him do all the work?” You took a few steps in his direction. You blood was starting to boil with anger. “Am I just supposed to stand to the side and let him work?”

Xiao didn’t move as you moved towards him. Then he answered, looking you straight in the eyes:

“Exactly. Aether is stronger than you. You’re going to be a burden to him if you keep acting like that.”

The blood that was boiling in your veins was now frozen. You felt as if Xiao had stab you in the heart with a cold blade, then freezing your blood inside your own body. You stayed there, looking at him with a pain expression. Xiao slowly realised what he said, and panic flashed quickly in his eyes. He tried taking your hand, but you dodged his.

“(Y/n)… I-“

“Is that how you see me Xiao? Is this how everyone see me?” you asked, looking at him. Tears were pooling in your eyes, threating to fall at any moment. “Am I a burden because I try to help?”

“(Y/n), that is not what I meant!”

“But you said it! You said that I was weak and that I was a burden!” Tears were now rolling on your cheeks. “I am not weak, and I am not a burden! Why can’t anyone see it?”

By now, tears were cascading on your cheeks and sobs were getting caught in your throat. Your head was dizzy from all the thoughts spinning inside. Lately, you’ve been training like crazy, just so you wouldn’t be a burden. Did you fail at that too? You were in so much pain from all the physical training you were putting yourself through. And you were in so much pain from being ignored all the time by everyone.

“Didn’t you see how hard I’m trying Xiao? I’m training daily, so that I won’t be a burden. I’m in pain from all this training! I’m in pain from everyone ignoring how hard I’m trying! Because no matter what I do, people only see Aether! They never see me! Even if I’m helping him all the time!”

Xiao stayed silent, looking at you. Of course, he had noticed how hard you were trying and how hard you were working out. But he never thought of telling you how proud of you he was. And now, the guilt was eating him up. He took a step forward and put his hand on your shoulder. This time you let him do so and he felt relieved when you didn’t move away. Slowly, he pulled you into a hug. He hugged you close as your body was still shaking from the sobs.

“It hurts Xiao… It hurts so much. I’m so tired…” you whispered between sobs.

“I know (Y/N), I know… I’m sorry, I didn’t notice everything you were going through sooner…”

“It hurts Xiao, it really does… Why does no one notice how hard I’m trying? Maybe I should just give up…”

Xiao shook his head and you felt his hug becoming tighter.

“You don’t have to stop entirely. But you do deserve to take a break. You don’t have to push your body over and over like that. You’ll just hurt yourself even more if you continue! You’ll get sicker, and then… And then… Maybe you won’t be able to help anymore… You are so important to me and to Aether (Y/N). We don’t know what we would do without you. I do not know who I would be without you. So please, take a break. You deserve it… I’ll go grab some food from YanXiao and I’ll be back before you know it, okay?”

You nodded slowly, still not looking at him. You felt guilty for feeling this way, because you knew how hard Aether was trying as well. But you couldn’t help but feel your heart hurt when people were always thanking him and ignoring you. Xiao then spoke up, as if he had read your mind:

“You’re doing amazing (Y/N), you are amazing. But let me take care of you, okay? You deserve it.”

Venti

You had met Lumine a few months ago when she first arrived in Mondstadt. You weren’t a high ranked knight or anything, but you two often crossed paths during your respective commissions. This led to you helping each others quite often. And so, Lumine and you decided to team up to take care of some business together. You were not the strongest person out there, but since you started working with the traveler, you definitely felt that you were getting stronger.

But you were the only one noticing the changes. No one else ever did. And no one else acknowledge your presence in this teamwork. It was always all about Lumine.

Tonight, you and the blonde were staying in an Inn near the Dawn Winery. You had to track down some Cicin mage that was roaming the area. The mission was successful, but as the Sun was going down, you and Lumine decided to stay in the small inn. Lumine stayed downstairs with the employees and other guests of the small house. You quickly made your way to your assigned room to the second floor. There, you try to tend to your wounds. You could have asked the inn’s healer, but of course their attention was all focused on the girl. So you were once again left alone, to deal with the pain yourself. As you were trying to wrap some bandages around your wrist, you heard laughter bursting from the first floor. Until then, you were able to ignore them. But now, they just seemed to get louder and louder, and you couldn’t ignore them anymore. You were now forced to listen to their words.

“Ah Lumine! You did such an incredible job today!”

“We truly don’t know what we would do without you!”

“Always fighting all by yourself… You really are the strongest person out there!”

As more praises and laughs spilled from their mouths, tears started spilling from your eyes. You only realised that you were crying when the tears started to fall on your bandaged hand and when they left a wet spot on the fabric. Realising that you were crying, you couldn’t help but feel even more horrible. Were you jealous of Lumine? These thoughts were now spinning in your head, and guilt was starting to consume you. No, that’s not… That’s impossible, right? Your thoughts were interrupted when you heard the window opening suddenly and felt the cold wind entering the bedroom.

“Eh, (Y/n)! I heard Lumine was here, so I figured you’d be here as well!”

You quickly wiped your tears with your hand before turning your gaze to Venti. He was sitting on the windowsill, his usual smile displayed on his lips. Of course, he knew you were here only because of ­Lumine. You shook your head slightly to chase those thoughts and offered him a small smile.

“Well, your intuition is always right, isn’t Venti?”

“Mh-hm! But my intuition also tells me that you’re not okay (Y/N).” He got up from the sill and closed the window before walking to the bed, where he sat. “Did you get hurt during the commission? Do you want me to go get a healer?”

“No… That won’t be necessary… They don’t have to lose their time with me.” You answered, shaking your head.

Venti lost his smile at those words. He furrowed his brows and looked at you with clear worry in his eyes.

“Why would they be losing their timewith you (Y/n)?”

You felt your lower lip trembled a little at his question. You were no longer able to look at him, so you cast your gaze on your hands, resting on your knees. The wet patch on the bandage made it clear that you cried earlier. You didn’t want to tell Venti how you felt. You felt so horrible for being jealous of Lumine, and you knew he’d see you as someone horrible if you told him. Yet, the answer slipped out, and you couldn’t stop it.

“Because I’m not Lumine.”

Your eyes widened when you realised what you said. You squeezed them shut quickly, ashamed of your words. Venti wasn’t saying anything, and it just made you more and more stressed. Was he despising you now? Was he mad at you? Was he going to leave you here? Was he going to-

“(Y/n)… Is that why you were crying?” he asked, gently cupping your cheeks with his hands.

Fresh tears started to fall from your eyes again. Venti carefully wipped them with his thumbs, still talking to you.

“Of course you’re not Lumine… But that’s why I love you! You’re the one I love, you’re the one I absolutely adore(Y/n)! Lumine is great, but not as great as you. I know how you feel, love. But you work so hard, I know how hard you work. You’re the strongest person I know (Y/n), and you deserved to be loved, okay?”

[thoughtfullyrainynightmare]

Heyy, i hope you're doing well and that i don't disturb you or anything.

I would like to request some angst for Fuegoleon and Jack please ? Smth like a fight between them and their s/o or them crying and s/o conforting them ? Idk-

Thank you in advance !

(Don't feel presured and just ignore this if you don't want to do it-)

Btw your writing skills are intimidating-

Hiya~! ^-^

I'm doing good, thank you for asking. And no worried, you're not bothering me ^^

Oooo some hurt-comfort! Yay! And you're very welcome. 

DSUDASFDSA Thank you! T^T <3

Pairing: Fuegoleon x gn!reader, Jack x gn!reader

Fanfic type: Oneshot

Genre: hurt-comfort

Total length: ~1.5k

Tag list for Fue and Jack: @the-fuegoleon-fluff @axching

Fuegoleon

The air, outside of the window, was grey, as if the heavens themselves would have pulled a banket over the earth, keeping sunlight away. Rain… it didn’t feel like rain. Perhaps even the clouds were trying to hold back their tears, or perhaps even they were unable to shed them.

The clouds, you felt that they understood you as you looked at them through the thin sheet of glass. At least they understood you. The feeling of pressure building up inside of you; the weight of the various emotions that twisted and turned, and yet you were unable to shed them.

The tears, simply wouldn’t roll down your cheeks.

Not even if the back of your eyes were burning. Not even if the lump in your throat refused to go down; instead getting lodged in, no matter how much you tried to swallow it. It felt as if there was pressure from all around, just looking to push you down.

Just looking to press whatever warmth that resided in your body to seep down into the ground beneath you…

You didn’t fight with Fuegoleon often. But when you did, it hit twice as hard. Thrice as hard… Maybe even more. You couldn’t tell. You didn’t care to tell. Because it didn’t really matter if it was twice or thrice, or perhaps some other weight that was too heavy to tell.

And this fight… You hadn’t meant it like that; asking him if managing his right arm was difficult during the wee hours of the night when he should have been asleep, rather than working. Much to your dismay, you had only heard how insensitive the question could be, after it had fallen from your lips. But by then, it was too late.

There had been that glare in his eyes, and the question, like frost, that had pricked through the air, reached you. The question of “what is that supposed to mean?” But the worst hadn’t been the words he had spoken, it was the tone, to which even the freezing air of combined winter months couldn’t compare.

The frost that had sparked fire; the most unpleasant kind.

Even thinking about it made your lips quiver, the burning sensation behind your eyes grow, but still… the tears wouldn’t come.

The bedroom door opened, and Fuego entered the room, glancing at you. His eyes were tired, much more so than you could remember seeing. His eyes were tired in ways beyond compare.

And his steps were heavy. Every single one of them, until he sat down in his chair. He leaned forward, propping his upper body against his knees as he stared into the depths of the floor. “Honey I… shouldn’t have…” he searched for the right words, hesitating and wondering, but in the end, what left him was: “I’m sorry…” quiet and simple.

But you knew that it wasn’t all on him. There was the pricking, gnawing feeling of guilt within your chest too.

So, your steps carried you to him without a word.

Silence lingered in the air, the ticking of seconds that felt like an hour. And at the end of that hour, you knelt by his chair, searching for his gaze. “I shouldn’t have asked it the way I did…” you admitted. “So… I’m sorry too…”

Your gaze turned to the side, but his… in turn searched for yours. There was a moment of anticipation that tasted like regret hanging in the air.

Then there was a tug of his hand, asking you to come closer. No words, just a simple, silent tug, since all words had failed him. The syllables that he could utter, didn’t seem quite enough. Everything after the apology just… seemed obsolete.

Thus, all he did, was tug, and pull you into his lap on the arm chair, wrapping his arms around you. But. Before he managed to embrace you fully, you straightened your back and wrapped your arms around his head.

For a moment he tensed, just a moment; but it was ended by the gentle sensation of you running your fingers through his hair. The vermillion strands flowed past your fingertips like the softest of silk, and that alone was enough to bring a faint, hopeful smile onto your lips.

But the best part… was the low, rich, decadent exhale that left his lungs with the touch.

Yeah… it’d be alright.

Jack

You sat outside on a bench, hunched forward. One of your hands were wrapped around your middle, as the other covered your mouth, hiding your tense jaw and clenched teeth. But the trails of tears still glittered on your cheeks, even if the tears had run dry by now. It still felt like there was an ocean of sorrow twisting and turning inside of you.

The sun, the warm summer sun that had decorated the sky just a moment ago, had disappeared behind a cloud, hiding you into a shadow. And you didn’t mind the shadow, the blanket that was there was if to shield you from the sorrow.

Or at least it tried.

It… tried… But despite it, your pain didn’t lessen.

Sure, every relationship had its ups and downs… And you had always known that Jack wasn’t necessarily the easiest to deal with, but this… this fight you had had… It felt definite. Even if you weren’t sure if it was supposed to feel definite.

Quite frankly, you weren’t sure anymore what had started the fight. Something… trivial, forgettable. Which had far too quickly turned into you pointing out how he wasn’t exactly the most responsible captain our there, and how a good amount of the responsibilities had fallen onto your shoulders. Even if you had taken them upon yourself.

But… he had never asked for it; none of it. So, he had said how he couldn’t be blamed for you deciding to do those tasks. With which… he had a point. Even if you wouldn’t have taken it on yourself if it wasn’t with his reckless behaviour and… it just… was a cycle.

It was a cycle…

Something would need to be done about it. Because of it. And you couldn’t stay out here indefinitely.  So, you headed back indoors, only to be welcomed by a lingering scent of food… a familiar scent, but … with a twist.

Perhaps out of hunger, or perhaps out of intrigue, you followed the smell into the kitchen, only to find Jack there. There was a burning spike of anger that pricked through you as you thought about him simply deciding to try out a new recipe for the festival cook off with Yami, right after a fight as big as that.

But… as he turned around, eyes turned to the depths of the floor… There was no smile on his face.

“Look I’m… sorry… sweetness…” he uttered, the nickname rolling from him with a delicious hiss. At least it had been delicious. You were uncertain about what it was now. Because his tone was sweet, it was apologetic, but it wasn’t quite… how it had been.

If you were honest, you didn’t know what to tell him, which made your gaze turn to the dinner he had made. Which… you only then realized to be your favourite.

“I know you have my back in a lot of things, keke…” he rubbed the back of his head. “So, it’s…”

There was a pause that lingered in the air, just long enough for you to glance to him from the dinner. “But you don’t expect me to do that work, I know,” you replied. “I just…” you breathed out, wondering if you should continue this conversation or not, for a moment. “Of course I’m there to support you…”

“I know…” he uttered, hunching forward, which made him, perhaps for the first time ever, look small. He might have towered over you, but right there and then… he seemed small. “I thought I’d make your favourite food, but it’s…”

He didn’t finish the sentence, but you knew what he was thinking; about how it wasn’t enough. How the simple gesture wasn’t enough in the grand scheme of things. And how… he was failing as a spouse.

But the truth was that he wasn’t all that bad. He was thoughtful in his own way, just like this. He always held you close. He made you laugh, and made sure that he was there to listen all your worries and woes.

There was so much good in him too.

So, you made your way to him, and wrapped your arms around him, squeezing him tight. You pressed your head against him, and let your hand caress his back with a gentle, delicate motion.

“I’m sorry…” he still uttered while wrapping his arms around you, and pulling you close.

His tone broke for a moment in a passing whimper. Passing only because you were there, assuring him that it’d be alright. Your mere presence made it alright; made it all alright.

And his hold of you, the tight embrace spoke of just how much he appreciated you, but the droplet that fell on your head, spoke of his gratitude.

[timextoxhajima]

Boundary [Dana’s 700 Special]

Track: Fever - Enhypen / TiO - Zayn / Close - Nick Jonas, Tove Lo

➣ Member: my og bias owo

➣ Genre: idol! ju x stylist! [fem] reader

➣ Warnings: swear words and if you squint, some smut

➣ Word Count: i’m like 100% sure it’ll be as long as accelerate [i was wrong it’s nowhere near but whatever]

➣ A/N: Thank you for 700 followers. You are all nothing but amazing ♡

➣ Taglist: @taesty-wander-lust​ @tbzzhoe​ @suzy-rainbow​ 

He’s going to be the absolute death of me.

The thought is loud in your head, and you were almost sure you would’ve blurted it out had the filming studio been empty. Breaking Dawn was blasting from the speakers behind the MV director, experimenting with some strange angles that you’ve never seen any other MV director try with the group before. 

If you thought Reveal was dangerous, this might be worse.

“Okay! Let’s do that hook into the chorus first and we’ll see how that angle goes!”

“Breaking Dawn, I see-”

“Cut! Juyeon-” The director snorts while staring at the monitor from the camera. “That was great but um, we’ll need to rate the video if we release this one.”

Never mind. It is worse.

“Yah, Juyeon!”

“Ahh... seriously?”

“You already have enough screen time, why are you so greedy?!”

The members crowd around Juyeon and shove him playfully as the director films that part from the monitor, and brings his cellphone over to the group to see. You can barely hear the music from the phone, given how far you were standing from the filming area. 

The group of 11 burst into loud yells and frustrated groans, with Younghoon and Chanhee giving their iconic ‘OoO’ faces to Juyeon. The main man chuckles, embarrassed, and shakes his head while waving it off.

“I didn’t intend to make it so suggestive, sorry!”

“It’s alright, that was great, really!” The director assures him. “It’s just that we can’t release that without rating the MV, and you guys don’t really have that kind of reputation yet so, we won’t do that for you guys now. But anyways, can we get a 10 minute break and we’ll pick up where we left off?”

The boys celebrate in unison, Eric immediately rushing off for the washroom, some members going to the staff to ask for their phones, others going for the monitor to check their progress and the remaining approaching their stylists for appearance maintenance.

So, when Juyeon approaches you with that sly-mixed-with-shame smile, you can’t help but to shake your head at him. 

“Really? He asks you to go all out and you look like you want to eat the camera,” Pulling open your little kit, you set it on the table next to you. You pull out the comb and hairspray and start adjusting his hair again - all that dancing’s pushed some strands out of its rightful position.

“Aw, so you agree that I looked good enough?”

“What?” The pitch is higher than expected, but you hope your feigned annoyance camouflages the pinch of jealousy. “Please! The director said it’ll be rated!”

Juyeon laughs, standing with his feet a little more apart than natural for you to have easier access to his hair. 

“Well, you’re the one who did my hair and makeup. If it’s anybody to blame, wouldn’t it be you?” 

His words halt the sharp end of your comb in his hair, and you poke it into his scalp for good measure while puffing out your cheeks. He chuckles it off. 

“Excuse you, sir, Cre.Ker gave me a color palette and a set of reference pics. Ever since they cracked the code with you with Reveal, they just won’t stop with this genre of style on you.”

“I mean... I definitely prefer my current style over what they did to me in Boy.”

The memory cooks up a bunch of images in your head, and you fail to stop the giggle that runs off your tongue when you return the comb to the kit. 

“Aw, come on, that was cute,” Picking up a brow pencil, you fill in the tiny fade-out. “You were, what? 19? No reason for you to look as raunchy as you do now.”

“It’s a pity you only met me just before I become ‘raunchy’.”

“Why? I mean, ‘Juyeon’s not a good boy’ though. Raunchy’s closer to that than what you did pre-Reveal.”

“I meant it!” Juyeon widens his eyes and his brows shift up his forehead just as the tip of the brow pencil lifts off his skin. “I’m happy Cre.Ker’s letting us show what we want to.”

“And I’m happy for you too,” You finish up on his foundation where it’s starting to wear off. “But one day, you’re gonna cross a line and break some hearts.”

Juyeon smiles as you cap on all your equipment and close your kit. Resting one hand on your hip, you quickly give his hair one last poke before he resumes his normal standing position.

“What if I only want to break specific hearts though?”

A frown befalls your face and you forge an ugly look by crooking your lips. “What? Was that an attempt to flirt? Please stop,” Waving him off, you turn and pick up your kit, walking away on your heels as Juyeon tails you.

He’s just practising flirting on me at this point. Best friends and best friends for what? Get MY heart broken? PLEASE.

“Flirt with Kevin if you want, he’ll give you better advice,” You turn to the film area and sure enough, Kevin was busy twerking into the camera and Changmin’s just face palming himself. 

“Oi Kevin! Stahb it!” You yell across the space and Changmin points to you, turning to yell at Kevin.

“Yah, even y/n’s telling you to stop!”

Chuckling, you turn into the dressing room as another hair stylist finishes with Sangyeon in the mirror. 

“Hello sir, you look kinda tired today, are you resting well?”

“Don’t get me started. Schedule’s packed into June,” Sangyeon subtly shakes his head, but his stylist holds his cheeks and shifts his face back to face the mirror.

“Sangyeon, please face the mirror. It’s not my fault if your hair gets messed up again,” The hair stylist grins as he picks up the hairspray.

“Sorry,” Sangyeon blinks at him and purses his lips. Juyeon crashes into the two seater-sofa in the corner of the dressing room and groans tiresomely, resting his head on the top surface of the headrest. 

“Well, you should get some rest before Kingdom kicks in,” You place the kit on the dressing table and sit down in the two-seater next to Juyeon. “It’s not going to be an easy fight, y’know.”

“Right! You used to be ATEEZ’s hairstylist!” Sangyeon’s eyes widen and you can see him struggling not to turn to you directly instead of trying to find you in the strangest angle of the reflection in the mirror. 

“Yeah. Those guys are intense, and I mean intense! Six out of eight are known for performance skills and the other two... one produces 99% of their tracks and the other belts out notes even I can’t reach.”

“You sound like you were sent from KQ to intimidate us-” Sunwoo struts in and waves an annoying finger in your face.

“I’m not-” Swatting his finger away, Juyeon leans forward and pulls Sunwoo’s hand. “I’m just saying for good measure- it’s not going to be easy. Stray Kids is also going to be great competition, not to mention iKON and-”

“AhHH, we get it!” Sunwoo shushes you, swinging his hand with Juyeon’s.

“No matter the outcome, you all need to know that you guys were stellar last year. I was new then, but it was absolutely stunning to watch you guys work and put so much effort into your performances.”

“Oh my God, yeah, you could not shut up about the Danger performance,” Sangyeon cooes, letting his stylist finally finishes and shifts to pack the hair equipment. 

“I’ll bet it’s cause your best friend over here got the most screen time,” Sunwoo perks up a mischievous brow and smirks at you.

Juyeon’s eyes widen and stares at the youngest, “I didn’t get the most screen time.”

“If not you then who?” Sangyeon butts in as he stands.

“Uh... Changmin?”

Sunwoo and Sangyeon go quiet. 

“Yah, you had a good amount of screen time too!” Sangyeon turns and blurts out at Sunwoo, playfully shoving him. 

“Y’all are being loud in here,” Kevin’s head pops out from beyond the door frame, one of his stylists tagging behind him and struggling to pat down his clothes. 

“No, tell me if Sunwoo had more screentime than Changmin in Danger from last year,” Sangyeon wraps an arm around Sunwoo and slowly walks him out. 

“What? I don’t know, Changmin had the opening and the dance break...”

Sangyeon’s hairstylist follows closely, and by instinct, he shuts the door behind him, leaving you with Juyeon in the dressing room. It’s humid, from all the lights turned on in the room, and the leather seat wasn’t the most comfortable thing to sit on.

Turning to Juyeon, his eyes are gently shut, and frankly, he looked like he was about to fall asleep. The backrest of the sofa sinks when you lean back, mimicking his position.

“You have like four minutes left so don’t even think of falling asleep.”

“I’m not sleeping,” He offers a tiny smile on his lips, eyes still shut. 

“Sure, you’re not.”

“Wake me up when the director needs me.”

“You wish,” The leather under your legs squeak when you push yourself off, but he sticks out an arm at your stomach and pushes you back down. Judging by the miniscule smirk on his face, he’s just messing with you. “What do you think you’re doing? I have a job to do and you have a music video to film.”

He remains quiet. Someone shouts at Eric outside.

“You’re being fucking weird today, sir,” You lift a hand and grab his arm to move it away, but he swiftly wraps his fingers around your wrist and yanks you forward instead. 

Using your palms to keep the distance between your faces, you’re hovering above him now, breath on his upper lip. The sweat’s begun to collect in the lines of your palms, stuck to the arm rest by his side and the cushion he’s leaning on. 

Your vision immediately darts to his face upon the bold move, and he’s got that slight smile prancing on his lips when he’s thinking of a joke or something funny and doesn’t want to say it. It’s been a good year of being Juyeon’s best friend (apart from the members), so you’ve definitely grown to know how to read him by his actions.

You sigh, rolling your eyes and removing your legs from next to his thighs.

“Juyeon-”

And then he cuts you off by holding you in position with his arm around his waist, challenging your knees to hold you up - because if they buckled, you’ll land right on top of him. 

“What the Hell do you think you’re doing?” 

Knock knock

“y/n, are you done with Juyeon’s hair? Filming’s resuming!”

There’s an awkward tension between you and Juyeon now, with his eyes wide open and staring into yours, arm still around your waist. But having his nose just inches away from yours and his breath breathing down on your philtrum feels so surreal. It feels like it’s a dream that you’ve failed to pull yourself out from.

He parts his lips, then purses them, and sighs through his nose. 

“Yeah, she’s done! I’ll be out in like, two seconds!”

Your gaze finds his and you’re panicking when he’s moving again. Within two seconds, you’re flat on your back on the length of the couch - and this time, he’s holding himself above you.

“What the- I-”

“We’ll continue this later back at the company, I promise,” Then he rounds your cheek and presses a kiss into your cheekbone instead.

He pulls back, offering you his kind smile and a ruffle into your hair for good measure. Nothing in your body is working when you hear him shuffle for the door, and it clicks shut behind him, with Breaking Dawn already blasting in the filming space.

Sucking in a deep breath, you don’t realise how hard your heart is thumping in your head until you hear your own shaky exhale. You don’t know where to look, you can still feel his grip on your waist and his breath on your upper lip, and everything’s just a mess right now.

What the Hell just happened?

“Eric - Dior Shirt Size M...” You mumble under your breath, fingers gripping the pen to the clipboard so hard, your writing would probably leave a mark in the sheet under. 

“I think this is the last luggage!” Younghoon’s stylist drags the black case in, lining it up with the last unopened one. “Need help?”

“Yeah, just open the luggage for me and separate Sangyeon’s clothes from Jacob’s, but otherwise I can handle it on my own.”

She nods, laying it down and unzipping it for the clothes to spew out. “How’s working here? It’s been over a year, right?”

“Mhm,” You glance at her, obviously tired. “It’s alright, but thanks to your advice since last year, I don’t think it could’ve been better.”

With a kind smile, she looks up at you, placing Sangyeon’s pants over his stack. “You’re experienced from ATEEZ, so it wouldn’t have been that hard anyway.”

She stands, resting her hands on her hips as you walk over, squatting to check Sangyeon and Jacob’s clothes. 

“So... what’s going on with you and Juyeon?”

I’d like to know too.

“Huh?” You look up at her, head tilted to the side with a sneaky cocked brow. “What do you mean?”

“Oh, please- All the stylists here know you and Juyeon are like- hanky panky nowadays. Pretty sure the boys know too, or at least have some idea.”

A cackle runs your throat dry as you graduate your attention to Jacob’s clothes. “Is that what they’re calling it? ‘Hanky-panky’? Cute.”

“Do you know why they’re still in a meeting this late?”

“No, why would I bother? As long as I don’t lose my job, it’s none of my concern.”

“They’re in meeting to be informed that their dating ban has been lifted.”

Your grip around the pen tightens, but halts abruptly. 

“Ah...” She sighs, contemplated with herself. “Cat got your tongue? Or should I say... Juyeon got your-”

Interrupted by the practise room door being pushed open, both of your attentions immediately flit to the new commotion. 

“Oh, Juyeon! Meeting’s over?”

“Yeah,” He turns and closes the door behind him. His hair was still waxed up from the day’s schedule, makeup still on but fading. Clothes snug around his shoulders with his belt tight around his hips. Those stupid jeans never did you any good since day 1. “Sangyeon said he left a ring in one of the luggages so he sent me to come get it while he counsels Kevin for twerking.”

“y/n’s just going through Sangyeon’s wardrobe, so she might find something,” Your colleague’s begun to take small, insignificant steps towards the door, and your anxiety begins to increase with every inch she places between the two of you.

“Which is why I’m here,” He stuffs his hands into his back pockets.

“Right, right,” Now, she’s already got her hand on the door knob, glancing past him and at you with wide, glistening eyes. “I gotta go check your wardrobe for tomorrow so... I’mma go now, and uh... security comes by around 12am. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

“What-” You blurt out, receiving a sharp, surprised look from Juyeon.

“Bye! Bye Juyeon!”

“Bye,” He waves. 

“No, wait-” 

And so, the door clicks shut behind her, and her shadow behind the translucent material disappears down the corridor. 

The whir of the air-conditioner in the practice room fills all the awkward openings in the room, but all you can hear is the rapid thunk of your heart in your brain - as if that was even possible. 

Thunkthunkthunkthunkthunkthunkthunkthunkthunkthunkthunkthunkthunk

“About earlier today-”

“Give me a moment while I look for Sangyeon’s ring. What does it look like?” Standing up too fast, your vision goes white and a second of dizziness throws you off your balance.

So, of course, Juyeon rushes over and holds you by your waist before your ankles or knees give way. The incessant blinking makes you wish you could actually pass out right now, because your weight’s in his arms and you can’t bring yourself to look him in the eye.

“Iron deficiency much?” The corner of his lips curl up into his cheek before releasing you. “Do you need to sit down?”

Clearing your throat, you turn away first. “No, I-”

“Good, because I have some points to make and you’re gonna stop running away from them like you’re doing now.”

The change in tone runs chills down your spine and goosebumps erupt all over your skin - thank god you were wearing a blazer, safe from his observation. 

“How have you tolerated it so much?” He folds his arms across his chest, tilting his head innocently but his eyes say otherwise. It’s always his eyes that tell a whole different story from the person he’s known to be. 

“Y’know, being around me but you’re so calm and collected and I just...” He shakes his head, and to your dismay, takes a step forward - which drives you backwards. “How?”

His voice is too sing-songy. It’s too calm and collected for you because you’re about to barf up your dinner, which was a good 4 hours ago now. There’s nothing left in your stomach to barf up. 

He takes another intimidating step and you wince at your inability to look him in the eye.

Another step back. 

“Like, I know we’re friends but my God-” Shaking his head, he sinks his teeth into his bottom lip.

Another step forward. Another backward.

“It’s upsetting that I can look ‘raunchy’ and it doesn’t seem to do anything to you... But seeing you the way you are every other day makes me want to- just-”

Another step forward. 

One more one back.

And your breath halts.

Your back hits the wall, the rear of your skull lined with the pillar. 

Oh, no.

Gritting your teeth so tight, your jaw starts to ache and your temples are throbbing. 

“I’m not seeing things, right?” A flicker of curiosity sparkles in his eyes when you muster up the courage to look at him - only to regret it instantly. “It’s not in my head that you feel the same way I do, right?”

“I... Don’t know what you’re talking about- You’re an idol... and I’m- I’m just your stylist and I-”

“‘Just my stylist’?” The comment forces his brows into a slight frown, before he lifts his hand and covers the bottom half of his face with his palm. “Rethink what you just said.”

Sucking in a deep breath, your chest wells with a horrid mix of desire and self-discipline. Those two don’t go well together. 

“We can talk about this some other day,” You choose to say, dragging your body along the pillar in a bid to shift out from the wall-Juyeon sandwich like a fool. He lifts his arm and presses his palm into the pillar behind you, caging your poor, poor soul in this fateful corner of his stupid practice room.

“Juyeon, we need... boundaries in this industry. One scandal and it’ll destroy your career.”

“Boundaries?” He buckles his elbows, shrinking the gap between your noses. “Boundaries are for idols who still have a dating ban.”

Breathing down your nose, he’s too close for comfort. You can smell his cologne, the scent of his hair wax and see the bumps on his cheek under the faint layer of makeup. You don’t realise you’re trembling until he tilts his head ever so slightly, free hand reaching up to your chin to steady your face.

“Stop running from me,” Shaking his head painstakingly subtly, he whispers into your lips. “You were mine from the start and you know that.”

The adrenaline rush through your nerves sets off fireworks all over you when he slots his body against yours, lips fitted with yours like puzzle pieces; against the wall, with his palms on your cheeks. There was no care or consideration with how much strength he was channeling into this kiss - it feels so pent-up, so frustrated. Without warning, your body resigns as you circle your arms around his shoulders.

Gripping the rim of his collar in your hands, his hands drop to your waist and holds you closer, if it were even possible. A million thoughts race through your head - and at the same time, none. This moment was something you didn’t even know you needed. 

Juyeon’s hands roam the small of your back as he keeps you against the wall, relaxing into the kiss and sighing into it instead. 

This bliss comes in the form of him. Him who provides you all the sinful wants deep down inside you. 

But this bliss doesn’t last, for the practice room door swings open violently and tears Juyeon off you.

“I told you to find my ring, not hook up with your crush!”

[bukojuiice]

this is how you fall in love ━ levi ackerman

ೃ pairing: (levi ackerman x  gn! reader)

ೃ  the entire division of the survey corps are not convinced that you and levi are absolutely actually together. however, it took a small expedition outside of the walls and an abnormal titan incident for everyone to coo adoringly at the soft and loving demeanor that levi holds around you and only you.

ೃ genre and warnings: canonverse, fluff, and strong language.

ೃ  my nav  →  my aot masterlist  →   sign up for my taglist

ೃ 1.6k words

ೃ dedicated to one of my first uni friends, @ryscenery because if the two of us didn’t yell (affectionately) at each other for our love for levi, this fic may have never been birthed. i hope you enjoy! 🥺

Love certainly makes you do the wacky. But in a world where chaos is imminent, war is always looming, and people die to giant man-eating humanoid monsters, how can one possibly make their life akin to that of a romance novel?

Well, unfortunately, you can't.

It's a Live and Let Die world, after all.

But... to the remaining few of humanity who are strong and lucky enough to be still wandering the faces of the unknown world, love is a treasure. A gift only a few can find.

And somehow, and someway, you were lucky enough to find comfort in someone you never thought you'd expect to find.

Levi Ackerman.

The stoic and blunt smart-ass captain of the Survey Corps? Yes, him.

Honestly, it's quite a surprise. No one would have ever thought that someone could shake the world of Humanity's Strongest Soldier. It almost felt like a dream, honestly. Your subordinates and co-captains can't even get their heads wrapped around the fact that there's something between the two of you. Well, it's not like either you and Levi were bold enough to rub it in other people's faces.

Even Hanji, who made it seems as if they were utterly convinced over the fact that the two of you are together by teasing the two of you every time that you were within a few feet of each other, has their doubts.

It didn't take long until a minor expedition outside the walls made everyone in the division finally realize how much you and Levi were pining lovestruck dorks when hidden from the eyes of prying and spying soldiers.

An attempted attack from an abnormal titan had forced you to stray away from the rest of your squad's formation. Baiting the abomination away from your subordinates led you to get lost in the outskirts of an abandoned town. With a terribly injured leg, none of your essential equipment with you, and with no means of communication, you had no choice but to wait for the rest of the scouts on patrol to find you.

However, you were afraid of one person.

Levi knows how strong and how much you can hold up in a fight (Your Titan kill count is one of the highest in the Corps), but he hates how reckless you can get. How stubborn. How irrational your decisions can be at times and how much you hate the fact that he reprimands you for the littlest mistakes. Even if those mistakes could ultimately be the cost of your own life.

Catching sight of a shadowy figure and the sound of the clopping of horses from beyond a steep hill, you brace yourself for another long and agonizing lecture from Levi as he continues to approach.

"Captain (Y/N)!" Armin, a rookie soldier from your fleet, calls out. A look of relief forming on his face. "We brought Captain Levi! He's just behind us!"

"Oh, great." You whisper, grimacing to yourself. "Just great." Your wounded leg fails you as you try to prop yourself up onto your horse, falling back down on a mound of rubble.

You only wish you could know what Levi is feeling right now once he sees the predicament you've brought upon yourself once again.

"Captain (Y/N) has strayed away from our formation!" Jean reports sternly, a tinge of worry straining his voice. "They have diverted an abnormal titan from ruining our formation! As of now, none of us in the fleet know of their whereabouts! Neither do they have a flare gun nor any kits in case of an emergency, as they have left them with Krista before the expedition!"

Erwin clears his throat, shaking his head to try and keep his calm facade. "We'll send some soldiers to scout the-"

Before he could even finish his sentence, the distinct cry of a nearby horse could be heard. As the rest of the surviving soldiers turn their heads to where the sound came from, they could do nothing but stare agape at Levi's fleeting figure cross through the safe area and again into dangerous territory. No one could dare to stop him, after all. There was no way.

All they could do was stare in awe at the dramatic yet sweet gesture of the stone-hearted captain that happened right before their tired eyes.

Maybe now they're finally convinced that the two of you are actually together.

(Levi's POV)

I sprinted through the vast fields with all the remaining strength I could muster. After a long exhibition, I didn't expect I'd have to drag my ass around to find (Y/N). Yet, I could not recall the last time I found myself so short of breath.

Dammit. Please be safe.

I am only vaguely surprised to feel an icy trickle of sweat on the back of my neck and my wringing hands as I hold onto the saddle.

Hurry... I must hurry.

There was not a moment to waste. If there were a titan to cross through these shitty grasslands ever again, I'd have to kill these fuckers as fast as I can. Whatever it took to reach them.

....How unlike me.

I hated this feeling. I knew it was inevitable and could happen anytime, but my body launched forward before Erwin could even give his command. Duty decreed that I should have informed him, but the thought came far too late.

I have no doubt Erwin will conjure some excuse for me. After all, this is what everyone wanted, right? Didn't they want to see more proof of my undying love for them? Just because I don't make goo-goo eyes at them doesn't mean I wouldn't defy everything just to keep them safe.

Perhaps I am being irresponsible... but I have no choice but to put my trust in him.

For now, I have someone more important than anything else, someone I cannot fail. Someone I must save.

At the end of the maddeningly long field of nothingness and stark skies, my destination hoves into view.

As (Y/N)'s weakened figure appears closer and closer to me, I abruptly halt my steed and dismount from it. With all my strength once again, I rush to their side.

Moments later, you hear Levi's voice, whom you had seen off just this morning. Wincing in pain due to your injuries, you mentally prepare yourself for another scolding.

"Keep safe" were the words he'd never fail to whisper every time the both of you are forced to depart from each other. It wasn't the most romantic saying out there, but it meant a lot. Especially coming from Levi. He was not the most physically affectionate beau out there, but these little sweet nothings were enough to make your heart flutter.

Observing his looks as he approaches, Levi almost seems panicked. Out of breath, even breaking a sweat... you can't even remember the last time you saw him like this.

His piercing gaze bore into yours, and you felt as though you might fall into it.

Levi takes one step towards you and then another.

"I-I'm fine... okay?" You puff your chest and tug at his hand reassuringly. "Don't worry. I kicked that titan's ass before it could even get a hand of me. How about you? Are you alright? You're breathing so heavily."

He doesn't answer your question but instead drops his gaze into your shaking hands.

"(Y/N)..." His voice was barely audible, a whisper. There's this exasperated look in his eyes that you can't quite describe. And yet, through that faintest movement of his lips, you knew what he meant to say.

"Levi, listen. I'm-"

---And yet... he did not allow you to finish.

Soft warmth pressed against your lips. And his embrace... so intense yet so gentle.

He didn't have to say it with words; This is the first time Levi has shown such love through his touch. Kind, yet powerful. His kiss felt like the wings of butterflies, beating softly upon lips of crushed petals.

You remain in his arms, held tight to the Captain's chest.

The suddenness of his actions came as a surprise, of course... but even so.

The heat radiating from your bodies brought such a wellspring of happiness to you. You were so happy. So very, very happy.

It was so profound that you wished that it might never end.

"Tch. I thought I was going to lose you..." He trails off, squeezing your arm in slight annoyance. "W-why do you always have to be so damn reckless? Why can't you just stick to the plan?"

"Reckless is my middle name after all." You giggle, the kiss ever so deepening.

You're suddenly brought back into reality when a flustered cough echoes from behind you.

You and Levi took it as your cue to finally let go, releasing one another.

"I hope we're not interrupting something..." You turn to see Armin Arlert, a rookie from your fleet, approach the two of you awkwardly. "I'll be tending to Captain (Y/N)'s wounds... if you'd allow me." He clears his throat, clearly intimidated by the cold and striking facade emanating from Levi.

"Captain Erwin sent us." Mikasa added stoically. Ah yes, the ever so tactful commander.

"Were you brats watching?"

"No! Of course not!" Jean, Sasha, and Connie who were lagging from behind, dismiss Levi's claims with a dramatic wave of their hands. "We totally weren't-"

Levi sighs, "Look. Even if you were, I wouldn't get mad." There's a slight blush that slowly creeps on his face yet quickly fades away. "Just... don't get into details once Hanji or Erwin tries to bug you about it, alright?"

"Yes, Captain!"

"Thank you for coming to pick us up." You smile weakly as you let Armin kneel to tend to your wounds. "Who knows what could have happened if we were left here alone?" You nudge Levi's shoulder suggestively."

He smirks, chuckling to himself. "If we were, then they'll finally have more proof that the two of us are actually together, won't they?"

taglist: @crapimahuman @hu-tao-main @smg-valeria​ @moonless-abyss @midnightangelfox @dukina @chibishae34 @arvinrusselisbae @kenmakeii  @eissaaaa @yummyyumi​ @the-one-that-lurks @prxttyguardian

[robininthelabyrinth]

Same universe as the one where LXC kills JGY on a boat to not-Japan. JRS-centric as he grows up in the Nie clan and deals with his reputation as an inbred son of a traitorous bastard.

so I don't think I've ever written a fic in which LXC kills JGY on a boat, and definitely not one where JRS is a character? I mean, I've written a lot of fics, so possibly I did and I forgot, but I'm pretty sure about this one.

That being said, I don't think I've gotten any Jin Rusong prompts before so I'm reinterpreting this to be a prompt for a fic about JRS growing up in the Nie clan. Fic below!

ao3

-

Nothing ventured, nothing gained, Nie Huaisang reminded himself. Risk is proportionate with reward. Your spine should be made of steel, just as your saber is.

He licked his lips, thought of his brother who had loved him, and threw himself forward with tears in his eyes.

“Oh, gongzi!” he blubbered. “Can you help me? I’ve gotten completelylost, I don’t even know where to begin –”

Xue Yang blinked at him, the lids of his eyes moving slowly like a reptile.

“Maybe you know where my san-ge is? Lianfeng-zun?”

The feeling of immediate threat lessened. It seemed he’d gambled right, and the rabid dog that was Xue Yang could still be controlled by reference to Jin Guangyao.

“I’d really appreciate it if you could just give me some guidance on where to find him,” Nie Huaisang said, lowering his voice confidentially. “I’d be sure to pay you back! If there’s anything you want –”

“Do you have any snacks?” Xue Yang asked.

Nie Huaisang, who had come prepared based on the rumors he’d painstakingly collected, produced some dragons’ beard candy.

“Not bad,” Xue Yang said. “Okay, sure.”

Nie Huaisang smiled, and even meant it.

-

“Hey, good-for-nothing,” Xue Yang said, and Nie Huaisang turned to look at his least favorite but nevertheless highly useful source of information in Lanling Jin. The fact that Xue Yang had no idea that he was functioning as such just made it more satisfactory. “You like kids, right?”

Nie Huaisang blinked. “Yes?” he hazarded, not so much because he actually did – he’d never had strong feelings about children one way or the other, though perhaps he was being presumptuous in thinking that the reference did not involve goats – but because that seemed to be the answer Xue Yang was looking for.

Xue Yang wrinkled his nose in distaste, though not, Nie Huaisang thought, at him.

“Theoretically,” he said, and he wouldn’t know ‘theoretical’ if it hit him in the face, “if there were, I don’t know, a whole bunch of them hanging around somewhere without parents, you’d be able to do something about that, right? Especially if they had a talent for cultivation?”

It took only a moment to piece together what must have happened to lead to such a question, given the ruthlessness of the cultivation world and of Jin Guangyao in particular, and Nie Huaisang marveled briefly at the idea that Xue Yang might draw a moral line in the sand over something. Presumably he felt some kinship to the children, being similarly utterly infantile, amoral, and fond of sweet things.

“Oh sure!” he said, playing up the brainless idiot who didn’t know to ask questions. “My sect is always recruiting, you know. We took some losses in the war and, well, I feel like adult cultivators aren’t really all that interestedin joining ever since I took over…”

“Because you’re a waste of space,” Xue Yang said, and Nie Huaisang pouted at him. “Whatever, the important thing is that you have space for kids. Orphans. Think, like, a whole orphanage getting shut down or whatever – anyway, not important. You’d take them back to Qinghe, right?”

“Oh, that would be so wonderful!” Nie Huaisang clapped. “That would suit everyone, wouldn’t it? They don’t have to worry about the children, and we get new disciples. I should tell san-ge – no, on second thought, he might be too busy –”

“Definitely too busy,” Xue Yang said quickly. “Wouldn’t it be nice to accomplish something yourself? You could casually show him that your numbers went up at the end of the month instead so he gives you the credit, without explaining that it’s kids making up the increase.”

“That’s a great idea! He’ll be much more impressed by that, I should definitely do that. Where is the orphanage?”

“…uh, in the forest. The back forest.”

You couldn’t come up with a better lie?

“You already brought them here?” Nie Huaisang asked, batting his eyelashes. “You’re so nice, Xue-xiong! I’ll go tell my second in command to go deal with it right away!”

-

It was in the fifth round of kids getting picked up – small cultivation clans being massacred and there was nothing Nie Huaisang could do about it, because there was either no evidence or else Jin Guangyao had come up with some motive to justify his actions and, inevitably, Lan Xichen would be there behind him, soothing over tempers and providing explanations because he believed him, every time – that something unusual happened.

“Sect Leader Nie,” one of his most trusted subordinates murmured into his ear. “There’s a problem.”

Nie Huaisang found a reason to leave the party early, a reason to go to the rendezvous point, and, once there, found the reason for the problem.

“Oh, hey there,” he said with a smile fixed onto his face by sheer force of willpower, crouching down to make himself seem less intimidating. Not that he was ever particularly intimidating, though given the rage coursing through his veins right now, he thought he might be able to pull it off if he tried. “What a lucky chance! It’s so funny, finding you here, Songsong. How are you?”

Jin Rusong wiped his eyes and looked tearily at him, recognized that the person asking was his Little Uncle Nie, and threw himself into Nie Huaisang’s arms with a howl.

This was pretty typical – Jin Rusong wasn’t much of a crier, but when he did he definitely took Nie Huaisang as his model, something all the other adults in the cultivation world had a tendency to give Nie Huaisang dirty looks over.

The only problem here, of course, was that Jin Rusong was dead.

Or, rather…he was supposed to be dead.

And if Jin Rusong was here – here, in the rendezvous point where Xue Yang put those of his prospective victims that happened to be a little too young for even him to stomach killing, at least without the personal grudge that had driven him to slaughter the Chang clan in its entirety – that meant only one thing.

Jin Guangyao had ordered his own son to be murdered.

Through demonic cultivation, no less, which was a pretty nasty way to go. There was a reason everyone implicitly countenanced Jiang Cheng’s vendetta against demonic cultivators no matter where they were, even when he ignored all territory lines and forgot to not ask for permission – the things a demonic cultivator gone bad could do were just so much worse than what anyone else could that they couldn’t risk any delay in dealing with the problem.

Well, shit, Nie Huaisang thought, even as he comforted Jin Rusong, petting the toddler’s back to try to get him to calm down. What do I do now?

-

“There has to be a reason,” Nie Huaisang insisted. “He’s not rabid. Songsong was his son!”

“Sect Leader Nie, we can’t find anything that might explain it.”

“Look harder. I don’t care how minor it is, I want to know everythingto do with Songsong. Every little detail – every person who saw him – every medical report, every compliment, every good grade –”

“He placed last in one of his classes,” one of his spies volunteered.

“What?”

“He placed last in one of his classes. About two months before his ‘assassination’, and shortly before his father started collecting evidence against the other sects that were in his way, which he later used to ‘prove’ that they had been involved in the alleged murder.”

“He wouldn’t kill his son for failing a class,” one of the others objected. “The kid’s barely more than a baby. What’s he expecting, genius from birth?”

“He’s a genius himself. Why not?”

“If everyone inherited everything directly from their parents, he’d be a whore.”

“He’d be a Jin. They’ve all got that nose, every one of them…”

“I heard he’s having the other Jin bastards killed. All of them, even the women…”

Something snapped in Nie Huaisang’s hands.

They all turned to look at him.

“Investigate Qin Su,” he said, looking down at the mess of wood and paper that had once been a fan. “Come to think of it, she has a Jin nose, too.”

-

“I don’t want to go!”

“I don’t want you to go, either,” Nie Huaisang said, feeling tired and also much more in sympathy with his poor older brother than he’d ever been while Nie Mingjue had been alive. “But you disobeyed me, and that means we don’t have a choice. You have to go.”

Nie Songsong looked down at the ground, his lip quivering. “I didn’t mean to…”

“You did,” Nie Huaisang said. “You have to own your decisions, Songsong. You can’t take them back once they’re done, no matter what the consequences. Not even if you feel bad, but definitely not because you feel bad for having to pay for what you did.”

“But…”

“No, Songsong. You cannot be in the Unclean Realm when – when he’s here.”

Nie Songsong hung his head.

“He’s not your father anymore,” Nie Huaisang said. “You know that, right?”

Nie Songsong nodded.

Nie Huaisang sighed and held out his hands, and his arms were full of a teary-eyed child a moment later.

“He loved you once,” Nie Huaisang murmured into his child’s hair. “I love you now. I wish I could give you more than that – I wish I could give you an answer, tell you why he didn’t love you enough to keep from doing what he did. But I can’t. All I can do…”

Is what I’m already doing.

“You’re enough, er-ge,” Nie Songsong whispered back. “You’re enough. I promise.”

-

“When will I get to go night-hunting?”

“You go night-hunting all the time,” Nie Huaisang grumbled. “You’re a fraction my age, and already my height, my weight, yet you wield a saber like my brother was around to raise you properly. You’re ruining my reputation, you know; now no one will believe that my incompetence comes from how short I am…”

“Not night-hunting with the rest of the sect, er-ge,” Nie Songsong said, rolling his eyes. “With other juniors!”

“Not long now,” Nie Huaisang said, looking down at the paper beneath his hands. It was all finally coming together. “Not long now. Just give er-ge a little more time to finish taking care of matters for da-ge, and you’ll be able to go night-hunting with anyone you like.”

-

“Er-ge! Are you all right? You look so pale…”

“I’m sorry,” Nie Huaisang whispered. “Songsong – I’m sorry. I’m so sorry –”

“What happened? Are you injured?” Nie Songsong demanded, already starting to pat him over, looking for wounds. “Er-ge, what’s wrong –”

“Your mother’s dead.”

Nie Songsong’s hands stilled.

“I told her about your heritage,” Nie Huaisang said, his lips numb. He’d never tried to hide it from Nie Songsong, although he’d introduced the subject very gradually and only once he thought that he’d be able to handle the revelation. “About your father – your grandfather. What they did. I wanted her to be angry at him, to turn against him, to distract him…instead, she killed herself.”

“Er-ge…”

“I shouldn’t have told her. If I knew –”

“Er-ge.”

“I should have brought her in earlier – told her about you surviving – I kept her from you for years –”

“Er-ge!”

Nie Huaisang looked at the child he had raised as a little brother the way his older brother had raised him, a father in everything but name, and who he had the constant feeling of having failed.

He wondered, as he always did, whether his brother had felt the same about him.

“Er-ge, it’s all right,” his little brother, his adopted son, said, and took his hands in his. “It’s all right. You tried, remember? Time after time, you tried to talk to her, but every single time you concluded that she would’ve told her husband instead of trusting you. She would’ve ruined everything. If she did that, I’d be dead all over again, and you with me.”

That had been what Nie Huaisang had concluded. That was why he’d never told her.

But…

“She’s your mother.”

“And you’re my er-ge. As long as you don’t die on me, too, it’ll be all right. Okay? It’ll be all right. It’ll be worth it in the end.”

Nie Huaisang shook his head. He’d already done so much, caused so much chaos and strife, and yet this moment – this was the step too far.

This was the first time he realized that he wasn’t sure he believed that it would be worth it anymore.

But by now…what else was left to do? There were no ways out of the plan he’d made himself; he’d designed it that way on purpose, because he’d known that if there was a way out, that snake would find a way to slither through it. He just hadn’t thought that he would be the one looking for it.

It didn’t matter.

He had to keep going.

His older brother deserved it, even if the younger one didn’t.

-

“I represent the Nie sect,” the young man – just about their age, though shorter than either of them – said with a smile. He seemed kind, gentle and polite, easy-going, but Lan Jingyi and Lan Sizhui looked at each other, and then at Jin Ling, who just scowled. “Can I come in?”

“Were you even invited?” Jin Ling asked in bitten off words. He was still bitter about some of the things that had happened in the Guayin Temple a month before, and of all them the one he was most bitter about was his second uncle’s retreat into seclusion – they were all upset about that.

“But it’s a discussion conference,” the young man said, blinking in confusion. “We’re a Great Sect. Why wouldn’t we be invited?”

In the face of such profound ignorance, there really wasn’t very much they could say, and eventually Lan Sizhui stepped forward with a smile, welcoming the young man – Nie Songsong, he introduced himself – into the Cloud Recesses.

Everything seemed fine for a little while. Lan Sizhui was able to talk to the people in charge of arranging juniors into finding another place for Nie Songsong to stay, although it would be a little delayed – Nie Songsong assured them that there was no issue – and as recompense they even showed him, at his request, a few of the main landmarks.

And then they turned around and their guest had disappeared.

“I knew he was up to no good!” Jin Ling exclaimed.

“Don’t jump to conclusions,” Lan Sizhui told him.

“I’m with Jin Ling,” Lan Jingyi said. “He seemed so nice and understated – just like you know –”

“Don’t talk about my little uncle,” Jin Ling hissed at him. “I know it’s true, but just – don’t, okay?”

“We should find where he went,” Lan Sizhui decided.

It took them a while, but in the end they found him in the most unexpected place: in the rooms their sect leader had chosen for his seclusion, sitting on the bed with Lan Xichen’s head on his shoulder, sobbing as if his heart had been broken.

“What are you doing?” Lan Sizhui exclaimed, unnerved even out of his own habitual politeness.

“I came to greet my uncle,” Nie Songsong said, his manner just as gentle and polite as it had been from the beginning, although it was now evident that he was as stubborn as a rock and not easy-going at all.

“Your uncle?” Lan Jingyi gaped. “How can he be your uncle?”

“You’re Sect Leader Nie’s son!” Jin Ling accused.

“I’m Sect Leader Nie’s little brother by adoption,” Nie Songsong corrected. “It’s through my father that he’s my uncle – and you my cousin, I suppose.”

“Your – father?”

“Oh, yes. My birth name, you see,” Nie Songsong said, “was Jin Rusong.”

-

“Why did you choose to reveal yourself?” Lan Sizhui asked. “Given that everyone knows – well –”

Nie Songsong finished the character he was writing and put down his brush. “Wondering if you should let it be known that you were born with the surname Wen?”

Lan Sizhui jerked in surprise, then flushed. “How did you – that didn’t come out in Guanyin Temple.”

“No, I knew it before,” Nie Songsong said. “My er-ge is very clever, you know.”

“Yes, I suppose I do...why do you call him brother? Shouldn’t he be uncle, or – or –”

“Uncle is probably right,” Nie Songsong said. “But he raised me like a son, just as his brother did for him.”

Lan Sizhui looked down at his hands.

“Why did he publicly reveal your background, knowing that you were still around?” he asked again. “Everyone will know. Who your father was, all those terrible things he did, his relationship with your mother –”

“Why shouldn’t he? He did do all those things, and he did have that relationship with my mother.”

“But what about you? What about your reputation –”

“Are you planning on sweeping Wen Ruohan’s grave?”

Lan Sizhui stared at him.

“He’s your grandfather, isn’t he?” Nie Songsong looked calmly back at him. “Who he was, all those terrible things he did –”

“That’s nothing to do with me!”

“And the crimes of my father are nothing to do with me. My er-ge gave me his surname, just as Hanguang-jun gave you his, and for the same reason – to cut us off from the sins of our original family.”

“I suppose that’s true. But – no one knew about you, just as no one knew about me until I told them, and I only told them because they were my friends. Why’d you tell us? Aren’t you worried we’d tell more people?”

“Of course I am,” Nie Songsong said. “I hope you don’t, of course, but you would’ve found out regardless – second uncle wasn’t exactly subtle in his grief. And I had to tell him.”

“Why? To bring him out of seclusion?” Lan Sizhui hesitated. “Do you care so much for him?”

“Of course not. The last time I met him, I was a small child, and my father was just about to order me murdered; that’s not much of a basis to build a relationship. But having him lock himself away like that, as if he were in mourning…it hurt er-ge. And I won’t let anything hurt my er-ge. Anything, or anyone.”

They looked at each other for a long moment.

“I understand,” Lan Sizhui said.

“I’m glad you do,” Nie Songsong said, and then smiled. “I would’ve had to escalate to threats next, and I’m given to understand that I’m too short to really pull them off properly.”

Lan Sizhui snorted. “I think we’ve all learned that that’snot true.”

-

“Should we talk about this?” Jin Ling asked, arms crossed over his chest and glaring.

“What do you want to talk about?” Nie Songsong replied.

“How about the fact that your father tried to kill me?”

“Sure. Can we talk about the fact that you got all of his affection for years and years after he tried to kill me?”

Jin Ling blanched.

“I wonder if he would’ve gotten me a dog, too,” Nie Songsong mused. “I was too young for that when he ordered his demonic cultivator to feed me to fierce corpses and have my body ravaged until it was barely recognizable…but sure, let’s talk about how he tried to kill you.”

“I was talking about Sect Leader Nie!”

“Well, then, you should have been more specific. Sect Leader Nie’s my brother, not my father.”

“He’s a whole generation older than you!”

“My little uncle, then.”

Jin Ling flinched. “That’s worse. Go back to calling him your brother.”

Nie Songsong shrugged. “Would it help if we fought?”

“…what?”

“It makes me feel better, sometimes. Besides, I may be short, but I’m pretty good with the saber. I bet I could match your sword…maybe not your arrows. But I’ve always wanted to try.”

Jin Ling looked at him suspiciously for a long moment.

“Okay,” he finally said. “Sure. Why not?”

-

“I really hate that you’re kind of cool,” Lan Jingyi told him.

“I am so cool,” Nie Songsong said, and passed him another jar of wine. “Want to see my spring book collection?”

“…yes please.”

-

“Thank you for taking care of him,” Lan Xichen said to Nie Huaisang, who shrugged. “I’m sorry that you couldn’t trust me to help.”

“It’s only what I should have done,” Nie Huaisang said, not for the first time. He’d said it so often these past few days that it felt like a new refrain, an alternative to the old I don’t know, I don’t know, I don’t know. He preferred the original. “I was his little uncle, remember? I held him on his first month party. How could I do any less?”

He did not say that Lan Xichen, who could be classified as Jin Rusong’s older uncle, had done much less, but from Lan Xichen’s expression, he’d taken it that way anyway.

“You never…” Lan Xichen hesitated. “Did you ever have any – concerns?”

“That he’d turn out an idiot? No. I figured he’d be in good company, with me.”

“That’s not what I meant!”

“Oh, you meant whether I was worried that he’d grow up longing for his blood family over his adopted family and turn against me in favor of his real father?” Nie Huaisang asked mildly. “No, not really. The memory of your father ordering you to be mauled by fierce corpses and to make sure your face is destroyed so that there’s a reason to refuse to let your mother see the body, as it would only upset her, is a fairly effective panacea against things like that.”

“No,” Lan Xichen said, though he looked sick all over again at the reminder of how considerate Jin Guangyao could be when it came to those he thought of as people, and how monstrous he was towards those he didn’t. “No, just – your brother always took such a hard line against the Wen sect…”

“Because they were raised with the philosophy that they were superior to the rest of us and my brother purposefully made himself into the symbol of their fallibility, thereby making himself and all the rest of us the primary target for their traumatic realization that they’re just as weak and vulnerable as everyone else,” Nie Huaisang said, rolling his eyes. “Our Nie sect cultivators were always especially targeted whenever we were captured – our survival rate as prisoners of war was less than half all the other sects, and it wasn’t just because we were usually more injured when we got caught. Even the civilians surnamed Wen would pull out knives and try to stab us in the back if they had half a chance! We were in a blood feud with them, er-ge. You don’t put down blood feuds just like that, not even if you want to. That’s not how it works.”

Lan Xichen nodded slowly, thoughtful.

“Anyway, Songsong is mine now,” Nie Huaisang said. “Just as Lan Sizhui is your brother’s, and Jin Ling Jiang Cheng’s. Can’t we all just agree to not care about the rest?”

“I suppose we have to,” Lan Xichen said, bowing his head. “Huaisang…did you ever think about what happens now? I mean – what should we do next?”

“I don’t know,” Nie Huaisang said, and smiled humorlessly when Lan Xichen looked at him. “I’m not joking. I didn’t know what to do when I got Songsong for the first time, er-ge, and I don’t know what to do now, either. I just wanted to see justice done for my da-ge, and I did, and for the rest – I don’t know.”

“That’s fine,” Lan Xichen said. “I don’t know, either.”

Nothing ventured, nothing gained, Nie Huaisang thought. Spine as steel as your saber.

“Would you like to come visit the Unclean Realm sometime?” he asked, pretending to be casual. “Perhaps we can figure out what we don’t know together. If you like.”

“…perhaps I will,” Lan Xichen said.

[seokstrivia]

Neon Lights | dpr live

↬ Summary: You and Dabin work in a club, that’s it, that’s the fic

or, a cute moment between two friends 

↬ Club!AU | word count: 2.4k

↬ DPR Live x Reader: friends to lovers au, slowish burn, it takes place in a club where the two of you work, confessions, one-shot, fluff, minor angst, it's just short and sweet 

↬ A/N so this is my first khh fic on this account, if you have any questions don’t hesitate to ask, I hope this was enjoyable and you all welcome my love for khh to this blog, thank you <3 

A long and tiring sigh parted your lips as you dragged your feet towards the cloakroom. Sure, getting paid meant that you could buy food and feed yourself, pay bills and stay warm through winter, but you were 100% certain that it did not mean never getting any time to rest.

You were putting your jacket away when you heard a small chuckle behind you, one that you knew all too well. A pout formed its way onto your lips while you turned around to face the one person you would do absolutely anything for.

Hong Dabin— your work best friend.

“Good to see you’re happy to be here!” His tone was chirpy, but as usual, laced with sarcasm.

It made you roll your eyes before straightening your shoulders and crossing your arms. Almost in a way to intimidate him or stare him down, but he only smiled in return and you sighed in defeat.

“Do you know how hard it was to stay awake during my last lecture today?” You moaned as you followed him to his spot at the bar. “Clarkson’s monotone voice seeps right through me, I don’t know if I can take it anymore.”

Dabin shook his head before laughing at the forlorn expression etched into your face. Sometimes he wished he could take a picture so he could keep it forever, but you would probably threaten him and force him to delete it.

He knew you well. Maybe, a little too well.

“You’re just being dramatic as usual,” he told you, earning a scoff in return. “I’ll treat you to a nice meal once we’re out of here.”

That was enough to lighten your mood and get you situated at the front door, minutes before opening, with a smile on your face.

The rest of the night was nothing more than a blur, your job was to sit at the register by the front doors making sure anyone who walked in paid before going any further into the club. But it got boring and quiet after a certain time and, to be honest, the only thing keeping you going was the thought of getting something to eat with Dabin.

Hence, as soon as you were done with work and as soon as the place was vacant, you frantically sped towards the cloakroom to find Dabin. He was already there, tugging his jacket over his shoulders before twisting around to face you with a sheepish smile.

That’s not good. You sighed.

“No food?”

He went to open his mouth to speak; probably to spout out a reason or two, but you'd beat him to it.

“It’s okay! There’s always a next time.”

The smile on your face didn’t falter, it wasn’t fake— it was genuine and that was something he loved about you.

“I’ll make it up to you, I promise!” That was the last thing he said before hurrying out the door.

You watched his figure disappear with pursed lips, wondering what came up—did something happen within his family? Did his friend finally break up with his snotty girlfriend? Did his goldfish die—wait, he doesn’t have a goldfish?

A giggle parted your lips as you laughed at yourself while moving for your jacket and bag. It was finally time to go home after a long and somewhat exhausting week.

Your bed was calling your name.

>

"You know what we should do?" Your friend urged, face way too close to yours.

"Sleep forever?" You mumbled in question while moving your face away from hers.

She chuckled in return, full and hearty before playfully bumping your arm with hers, "no silly! We should go clubbing this weekend."

A grunt left your lips, you knew this was coming from the second you'd informed her of your first weekend ever off work.

"That's far from what I think we should do this weekend," you told her before moving your chair slightly away from hers.

Mina was always bursting your personal space bubble without fail.

However, you could never stay mad at her, she was your best friend since birth and had never left your side. She was also extremely supportive, albeit annoying.

"I think it'll be fun."

You turned to stare at Mina, there was a pout on her face as if it would help convince you to say yes.

Unfortunately, it did help.

"Okay, fine! We can go clubbing."

A shriek of happiness emitted from her lips in excitement, it had been a while since you two hung out on the weekend and truth be told, she missed being able to spend time outside of University with you.

But, so did you.

Okay, so maybe you wouldn't be able to sleep the whole weekend away, but at least you'll have a good time.

Plus Dabin would be tending the bar.

The rest of the week was spent talking about what to wear, what time to be ready by and what drinks to buy to get a little tipsy before going to the club.

Mina wouldn't stop talking about, 'the best weekend ever,' it was annoying sometimes, but you couldn't bring yourself to get mad at her since it had been a while since you got the weekend off.

You missed it.

"Is Dabin working tonight?" Mina asked while finishing her makeup.

You were ready half an hour ago, but you never really dressed up. Comfort was always the way to go.

"Yeah, he should be unless he calls in sick," you told her while sipping on your drink.

Mina's eyes met yours through the mirror, the smirk on her lips had you rolling your eyes as she bounced her eyebrows up and down in a teasing manner.

"Shut up," you snorted.

She shrugged her shoulders before returning to her makeup, "I didn't say anything."

A chuckle parted tour lips making her smile.

"You didn't have to."

Sometimes you thought you could read her mind, but in reality, you just knew each other that well.

***

The club was already bouncing with people, most of the crowd was already drunk but, that was a given with cheap drinks.

Mina stretched for your hand and proceeded to skillfully advance through the crowd to get to the bar. A smile made its way to her lips when she noticed who was working at the bar.

"Will you buy me a drink while I quickly go and pee?"

You rolled your eyes at her before telling her to be careful and quick.

When you turned to face the bar after watching Mina disappear towards the toilets, you were met with Dabin's big, cheesy grin.

"Hi! I'm surprised to see you here," he teased, moving closer so you could hear him better. "I thought you would be in bed sleeping."

You flicked his forehead with your finger causing him to grimace in pain, "Mina said she wanted to go out, so... very reluctantly, I said yes."

He chuckled in response, feeling sympathy and understanding that you would much rather be asleep than somewhere loud and crowded.

"Well, can I get you anything?"

You shook your head, 'no,' before glimpsing at the direction Mina was standing, "he's gonna keep her distracted for a while, so I think... I'll just hang around here."

"And keep me company?" Dabin replied as he glanced away from the two now making out. "I'm flattered."

A chuckle parted your lips as you made yourself comfortable on one of the many empty bar stools.

The majority of the night was spent talking to Dabin, catching up and talking about how Uni was going for the two of you.

It was nearing 1:30 am when Dabin finally asked you if you were ever going to get off your ass and enjoy your night.

"You think there’s a reason that I sit at the counter talking to you all night while you bartend... No, of course, there isn't- WHO’S THAT GIRL AND WHY IS SHE WINKING AT YOU?"

You were drunk.

Dabin rolled his eyes and shook his head, "that's my ex."

You gasped in return, this was your first time hearing this, "you have an ex? But you told me that you'd been single all your life."

"I told you I was single most of my life."

"What's the difference?"

Dabin shrugged his shoulders, annoyed that you thought he'd been single forever. Did you think he was ugly or something? Maybe you thought he would only ever make it as a friend.

A sigh parted his lips as he stepped away to serve others at the bar.

You stopped staring at his ex only to find Dabin was on the other side of the bar—with a frown etched on his face.

Was it something you said?

When he came back towards your end, he handed you bottled water before turning to leave again, however, you were quick to grab for his arm, a look of concern lazed across your features.

"I'm sorry if I upset you."

Dabin removed your hand from his arm, he glanced over at his ex before making eye contact with you, "it's not like you would understand. You're the one who's been single their whole life."

His words didn't hurt because they were true, and they didn't mean anything to you. You just hadn't found the right person yet, but it wasn't difficult to understand that Dabin was upset.

And that it was most likely your fault.

>

"Are you working tomorrow night?" Mina asked.

You nodded.

"Is Dabin working."

An exhalation parted your lips as you shook your head, 'no.'

"He's off this weekend," you told her.

Mina knew you were still beating yourself up over the whole ex ordeal with him, even if you couldn't pinpoint exactly what you had said that upset him.

This is why she spoke to Ian, Dabin's best friend, and asked him if they were going out clubbing Friday night. Let's just say she was over the moon when he said yes, and you were slightly freaking out when she told you.

"Wow," Mina exclaimed when she reached the bar. "So, you're bartending tonight!"

You chuckled at the excitement in her tone and nodded your head, "someone called in sick, so I'll be stuck here tonight."

"This is great!" She shouted before going off to find the friends she'd come out with.

It wasn't long before the bar was filled with people asking for drinks, it kept your mind busy and distracted from Dabin.

It kept you so distracted that you didn't even notice him sitting on the stool at the far end of the bar. The very seat you'd taken just last week.

It made you smile, but also made you feel nervous.

"Hi," you spoke softly, but loud enough for him to hear. "What can I get you?"

The scowl on his face caught you off guard, but the slur in his voice told you that he was very drunk.

"Do you think I'm ugly?"

You stared at him for a solid minute before pinching his cheek, even though he was drunk, he could still feel the pain.

"Of course I don't think you're ugly!" You argued. "What gave you that idea?"

He shrugged his shoulders with a pout on his lips and stroked his cheek, hoping the pain would quickly subside.

"You thought I'd been single my whole life."

"That's only because you'd never spoke about your ex before," you told him. "I don't think you've ever told me anything about your personal life, to be honest."

Dabin stared into your eyes with his red and tired ones.

"I'm sorry for jumping to conclusions," you added.

And then, he smiled.

"If you liked me more than a friend," he slurred in a serious tone. "I would have confessed my feelings by now."

His words caught you off guard but you couldn't ask him what he meant since he was gone and, well, you had a job to do.

However, his words lingered endlessly in your mind for the rest of the night. Was this his way of saying that he liked you? Dabin liked you this whole time and you didn't even know?

Your mind was reeling by the end of the night, Dabin filled your mind with endless thoughts. Wait, if he liked you, why didn't he ask you out on a date?

A sigh parted your lips as you wiped down the bar, watching groups of people huddle together as they were all ushered out of the club.

Mina hurried over to the bar before leaving, her footing was clumsy, but it made you laugh. You assumed she's forgotten the keys to the flat and that's why she was rushing over, however, you were in fact, wrong.

"Did you speak to Dabin?"

You frowned in confusion, "I did, but he was drunk so it wasn't for long."

She nodded her head in response before leaving and waving goodbye.

You rolled your eyes, watching her stumble towards the male she'd met last week. A potential boyfriend she had told you, which didn't surprise you.

It didn't take you long to finish cleaning, but you were exhausted and couldn't wait for your bed. It was nearing 3:30 am when you left the club, the area was empty and quiet as you walked towards your car.

Dabin, who you thought had gone home hours ago, was leaning against the car door. Staring at the night sky, admiring the stars, something in your stomach churned, and you felt your heart begin to beat faster the closer you got.

"Hey," you smiled, keys in hand as you unlocked the car. "You need a ride home?"

His eyes finally met yours, he appeared to have sobered up as a smile rose across his lips, "if you don't mind," he chuckled. "Honestly, I just wanted to apologise."

"For what?"

"For being an idiot," he said. "Selfish, mostly. I got upset that maybe you'd never see me as anything more than a friend."

You punched his arm causing him to wince in pain, "you're an idiot, Dabin."

He shrugged his shoulders while rubbing the pain away.

"If you'd just told me how you felt or I dont know? Asked me out on a date," you argued. "You would have found out that I feel the same."

"You like me?" He asked carefully, eyes searching yours for answers—for anything.

"Yeah, I do."

A wide smile adorned his lips before his arms found your waist and lured you in for a hug, you giggled in return while coiling your arms around his neck.

"Will you go on a date with me?" He asked as he drew back to look at you.

You rolled your eyes, "took you long enough."

[lokiskitten]

Will you do a sequel of the Valentines Day fic like you mentioned at the end of part 4?

Loki Laufeyson | affliction pt1

Loki Laufeyson x fem!reader

A/N : this imagine is meant to follow the events which occurred in my previous series :”Valentine’s Day”!! You can find it lower on my page.

plot : A couple of weeks have passed since you’ve first slept with Loki. However, after learning that you are pregnant, you find yourself forced to reveal it all to your partner. Unfortunately, his reaction doesn’t turn out to be the one you expected.

warnings : very light smut, angst, fighting/arguing.

Loki and you had been seeing each other since a couple of weeks now. You had managed to keep it a secret, and that from anyone in the kingdom which obviously- and certainly- included your parents. You couldn’t truly explain why and how Loki never failed to make you feel so good, but you knew that you did not wish for those sensations to end any time soon. You two were meant to be together, wether the royal family wanted it or not. Though, shortly after your little unprotected frolics occurred, you had progressively started to become sick here and there. Your doctor had easily established a diagnostic which he promised to keep to himself for now, and that no matter if Loki was Prince. You were pregnant.

Pregnant with Loki’s child. What worst could potentially happen? Now, it was sure that you would have to annonce that to you respective families- something you didn’t feel ready to do. Or at least, certainly not alone. Therefore, you felt like the young man should be the first person to learn about it, especially as he was the father and you trusted him more than anyone else. Little did you know, there was still a lot of things you needed to learn regarding your boyfriend.

[ ... ]

It was a lovely spring afternoon. You and Loki had decided to reunite in his room in order to spend some time together. As you laid down on top of the young man, lovingly grinding your hips against his in order to make sure that his member would be coming in and out of you at a pleasurable pace, Loki had his arms wrapped around your back. His hands were soon to move down to your bum, digits digging into the soft flesh as if he wished to guide your hips through the intercourse. His thick thighs tensed upon sensing his nearing orgasm, soles now resting against the mattress instead of being on the loose.

It didn’t take long for white sperm to spray out of his urethra, staining your walls and cervix as both of you moaned in harmony. It was nothing too intense, but you always enjoyed spending time with him in that way no matter what technic or pace you two used. You allowed Loki to fully wash out his orgasm before you could get off him, your silhouette slipping underneath the covers as you pulled the sheets all the way up to your chest. Your breasts were now covered, as well as everything which came underneath.

Turning around, the male’s arm wrapped around your body as his chin rested onto your shoulder, his lips pressing delicate kisses against your warm flesh in order to let you know that he loved you. As his eyelids closed, yours remained clearly open as your brain wouldn’t stop thinking about how you were meant to annonce such a tragic piece of information to him. “Loki?..” you finally found the strength to speak up, though it would probably take you a large amount of time to finally arrive to the point where you would annonce your unwanted pregnancy.

Opening his eyes upon hearing his name, Loki was now ready to dedicate his entire attention to your seemingly tired self. You turned around and allowed your body to face his, the tip of your fingers nervously tracing shapes against his bare chest. “Yes?” He asked face to your lack of constructed sentence. “When we make love.. what happens?” You asked shyly, hoping that he would understand that you were hinting towards the natural fertilization process. Ending face to face with such a peculiar question didn’t seem to disturb the demigod who, instead of answering you right away and as seriously as he could, simply lowered his body in order to rest his head against your chest. A smirk displayed on his features.

“A lot of good things~” Loki purred, hand squeezing your waist in a possessive manner. You couldn’t help but sigh face to his answer, though you remained aware that getting mad at him so soon probably wasn’t such a wonderful idea. Instead, you tried to explain the matter in another way. “No. Look, when two persons make love, what happens to the woman? Inside of her body.” You asked him on a determined tone, hoping that he would understand that you weren’t joking around. Though Loki remained silent, cluelessly looking up at your face. Again, this sight managed to irritate you.

“Jesus. I’m pregnant!” You announced on a frustrated tone, staring right into Loki’s eyes to make sure that he would understand that it was an absolutely serious matter. An awkward silence settled in the room, the two of you making eye contact as you desperately waited for your boyfriend to say something. But instead of speaking up about the matter, he calmly turned around and sat down on the edge of the bed before getting up and walking over to the window. Face to this peculiar yet thankfully passive reaction, you sat up and frowned. “Loki?..” you solicited him shyly, scared that any of your words could now cause an outburst.

“It’ll kill you.” He ended up affirming, back still facing your silhouette. You frowned even harder. “What do you mean?..” you answered hesitantly, suddenly becoming scared of the situation due to your partner’s remark. You couldn’t seem to understand how a fetus could be responsible for your death. “It’ll kill you, freeze you from within.” Loki explained further, causing chills to appear on your back face to this terrific announcement. However, you decided to carry on fighting his statements. “Loki this is our child... Nothing will happen to me.” You affirmed softly, hoping that this would manage to make him change his mind about all those rather creepy thoughts and suppositions. You obviously had no idea that he was a frost giant.

Loki knew that in order to prove you wrong, his only remaining option was to show you what he truly was. A monster. Turning back around, his eyes were the first part of his body which switched from green to red, skin and hair soon following as the young man turned into a frost giant before your bare eyes. It was an unexpected, impressive, and intimidating sight all at once. You didn’t know how to react, fearing that any negative remark would cause the young man to get offended. “See me as I am. The monster your mother used to tell you about back when you still were a child.” Loki spoke sternly, which betrayed the fact that he felt ashamed of what he truly was.

Gasping anxiously, your hands gripped onto the bedsheets in order to contain the amount of fear which travelled through your organism. However, your brain was soon to remember that the man who stood before you, and who you loved, would never do anything to hurt you. Meanwhile, Loki made sure to regain a normal appearance as himself felt ashamed of his true nature and didn’t wish to remain in that form for too long. Now this managed to reassure you entirely. “Get rid of it. And try to stay discreet. I wouldn’t want the entire kingdom learning about our frolics.” He finished, words as cold as his birth specie.

Those statements broke your heart. You could barely believe that such cruel words had escaped Loki’s lips- though little did you know it all came from the personal and internal sufferance he was forced to deal with. Instantly you got up from the bed, taking decisive steps towards the man who found himself backing away out of surprise. Your hand harshly landed against his cheek, his head turning to the side in a rather violent manner. “How dare you! You’re talking about our child..” you spoke, tone turning from angered to saddened. Your voice was filled with sorrow.

A harsh sigh escaped Loki’s lips, his green eyes landing onto your face again as he barely managed to find the words to express himself face to such unexpected violence. “You’re acting just like your father.” You ended up adding whilst taking a step back, body soon crouching down in order to reach for your clothes as this statement managed to pull Loki out of his shocked state. He was now as angered as you were. “He’s not my father, and I’m nothing like him! How dare you-“ the demigod began, though only to be stopped in his track by your silhouette which moved back up on its feet.

“Then why are you acting like him?” You responded sadly, pulling the straps of your dress over your shoulders before turning around and beginning to take decisive steps towards the door. Again, the raven haired man was left in a state of shock before he finally managed to get back to reality face to your departure. “Where are you going?” He questioned calmly, muscles flexing underneath the sun of Asgard which penetrated through the large window. “To see your mother.” You answered, hand reaching for the door knob before you opened the door and exited his room.

You believed that if Loki refused to understand, his mother surely would manage to feel empathy face to your distress. The young man was left alone with nothing but his own distress as painful company, stomach growing knots due to anxiety taking possession of his organism. He didn’t fear his mother’s reaction at all, and expected her to be happy for her son. However, Odin surely wouldn’t appreciate to learn that the girl who was formerly meant to go to the ball with Thor had been stolen by his youngest son, and that on top of that she was pregnant.

I hope y’all enjoyed this! Feel free to let me know what you’d like to see in part 2! Sorry for being kinda inactive. Love y’all ❤️ requested tag : @delightfulheartdream

[sonoftatooine]

Whumpay 2021

DAY 25: AMNESIA

Characters: Anakin Skywalker, Padmé Amidala.

Warnings:  Brainwashing, implied/referenced torture

Summary: Sequel to Day 19 (Winter Soldier AU). Captured by the Rebellion after his failure to kill the Jedi Obi-Wan Kenobi, Darth Vader, Imperial enforcer and Sith apprentice to Emperor Palpatine, is visited in his cell by Padmé Amidala, the woman claiming to be his wife.

***

“How are you feeling, Anakin?”

Darth Vader did not move from where he lay, staring blankly up at the ceiling above his cot in the high security cell that the Rebels had placed him in after his failure to eliminate the Jedi, Obi-Wan Kenobi, some weeks ago. She asked him that each time she visited—Padmé Amidala, one of the founders of the Rebellion, and the woman who claimed to be his wife. Everyday, she came to see him, though he could never be quite sure of when her visit would be. She was quite late today—the droids that attended him had already given him his evening meal and his nightly dose of Force suppressants, and he had just reached the stage of feeling vaguely woozy from the renewed sensation of being cut off from his power when he heard the hiss of his cell door opening and closing, and the soft voice that had seemed ever so slightly familiar to him even as he heard it for the first time speaking in soothing, gentle tones. Here. The same as ever.

“I didn't think you were coming today” he said in lieu of an answer. His voice was hoarse and cracked from tiredness—a far cry from the intimidating bass that his mask's vocoder afforded him. It had been slashed in two by Kenobi's saber before he had been brought here. Kenobi, whose smug self assurance had turned to abject horror the moment he had seen his face. Kenobi, who had pleaded with him to remember him as he had tried to get his hands round his throat upon waking up in an unfamiliar cell surrounded by enemies—

“I'm sorry,” Amidala said. There was a rustle of fabric as she moved closer, coming to perch beside him on the cot. “There was some urgent business that I had to attend to. But I'm here now.”

Yes, Vader thought. You are. He turned his head to look at her—though she barely came up to his shoulder when they were both standing, lying prone as he was, she seemed to fairly tower over him. His instinct should be to flinch away, he thought, to keep his distance from his jailer, trapped in this cell as he was. But somehow, it wasn't. There was something, something— Besides, he had neither the will nor the energy to lift a finger, let alone anything else.

That was it. Yes, that was it.

“Are you alright?,” Amidala asked with a frown. “You don't look well.”

Alright? If he had been asked that before his capture by the Rebellion, he thought he could have said what that meant. Alright was a day that he hadn't made his master angry, hadn't brought any punishments on himself—no lightning, no choking, no dark cell. But now, here, everything was getting muddled up in his mind. He couldn't think like this, not when he was cut off from the Force and had no way of knowing lie from truth. She was close—so close—and he wished he could sense her intentions as he could with everybody except his m— No, so that he could escape this place and return to Lord Sidious with the leaders of the Rebellion in tow. That was what he wanted. It was.

And if he hadn't tried as hard as he might have done to escape, well, that was just because the Force suppressants were making him feel strange and it was hard to concentrate or— His eyelids drooped, heavy with exhaustion. He couldn't think about this right now.

“Tired” he replied, then froze. He hadn't intended to say that. Don't admit weakness. Sith don't have weakness. But there was something about Amidala that made him want to trust her, and he was far too exhausted and empty to fight against the urge.

“Did you not sleep well last night?” Amidala asked. Her hand twitched oddly at her side, as if she had instinctively started to reach for him and aborted the action before she could. She looked very sad, but she always looked sad.

“I don't sleep well” she admitted. He'd never slept well, for as long as he could remember. Nightmares plagued him—of his master's punishments, of his missions, and other, more elusive things that left him shaking and crying with terror but could never recall beyond vague impressions of deep darkness and red light and a vicious cackling in his ears once he woke. It was the latter that had haunted him last night, chasing him back into wakefulness whenever his eyelids so much as drooped shut. In the end, he had decided to forgo rest entirely, bundling himself up in the warm robe that Amidala had brought him, and waited for morning to come.

“You never did before, either,” Amidala said. “The war...”

She trailed off, suddenly distinctly misty-eyed. The war. He knew that she meant the Clone War. They told him he had fought in it as a General. A Jedi General. Jedi Knight Anakin Skywalker. He had met the man who had claimed to be his captain, briefly. Rex. And the woman who had supposedly been his padawan—Ahsoka Tano. She had cried when she'd seen him, even as she held him back from attacking her.

“I don't remember the war,” he murmured. He knew, vaguely, that he shouldn't be telling her all of this—if she was lying, revealing anything about his situation was only giving her further fodder for her deception, and that wasn't even taking into considering the general principle of not revealing information that could be used against you to your enemies. But there was something, that strong urge in his mind that he could neither identify nor understand, that was telling him he should be honest with her, should trust her. That it was both good and right to do so. Well, Lord Sidious had always said he was far too trusting, that it would be his downfall if his master were not there to prevent it. “My master told me I fought in it.”

He saw her flinch at the word “master”, biting down so hard on her lip he thought she might make it bleed. She looked as if she were about to cry. Of course, he knew what she thought of his master (she was wrong, naturally; his master had done everything for him, she was wrong, she had to be wrong), what she claimed he had done to him. If she was lying, he thought, she must be an excellent actor.

“Is that...all he told you?” She sounded like she was trying to stay calm, but he could hear the tremor in her voice.

“He didn't tell me much about...before,” Vader replied flatly. He had asked, sometimes, but his master didn't like questions. His hands shook at the memory of purple lightning burning through his veins. “He didn't think it was important.”

He certainly hadn't cared to tell him that he had once been a Jedi Knight. Which he wasn't. He had never been a Jedi. He hadn't. He was getting muddled, confused after weeks on end in this cell with no company but various Rebels regarding him with earnest looks and filling his head with equally earnest words about how he had been used and deceived and that they loved him and wanted nothing more than to help him heal from what the Emperor had done to him— No. No, it wasn't true. He wouldn't believe it. He wouldn't betray his master like that—his master to whom he owed everything. Everything. And yet...

And yet. There was something that didn't sit right in all of this. If he had fought in the Clone War as a powerful Force sensitive, surely he must have been a Jedi? If he had been a Republic soldier at least. All the Darksiders that fought in the war, as far as he was aware, had been Separatists. Surely he couldn't have been a Separatist? They had been evil, spreading chaos and carnage across the Galaxy to the point where his master had been forced to create the Empire to restore order and security when the ineffectual Republic proved less than capable, bogged down by its bureaucracy and over-reliance on the Jedi Order. But if neither were true, then surely he couldn't have fought in the war—not in an official capacity at least. But then, that must mean that, whichever way he looked at him, his master had lied to him and if his master had lied to him once—

No. He wouldn't allow himself to consider it. He wouldn't. His master hadn't lied to him. There was a reasonable explanation. There must be. There must be. Biting back the distressed little noise that was building in his throat, he squeezed his eyes shut, twisting his fingers together beneath the sleeves of his robes. His master hated it when he did that—he'd struck him on several occasions when he failed to suppress the nervous gesture—but Amidala didn't seem to mind it.

“Can I get you anything?,” she asked. “Anything that might help—?”

Vader shook his head.

“I don't need anything.”

“But do you want anything?”

The question had his eyes shooting back open as he turned back to stare at her, incredulous. Want anything? Want anything? He wasn't supposed to want things. He wanted what his master wanted, because he was to serve his master in all things and he owed his master everything—it would be low and ungrateful to want more than he was given—

He wanted...

He wanted...

He looked up at Amidala's beautiful face hovering above him, and he wanted more than anything for what she was saying not to be a lie. That he was her husband, that she loved him, and wanted him to be safe and well and protected from any who would try to hurt him—

No.

“I can't—” he gasped out. He could feel the edges of panic coming upon him, and with great difficulty, he forced himself to breathe slow and deep, counting the seconds as he did when these attacks came upon him. His master didn't like it when he— It was weakness and Sith didn't show weakness— He couldn't— “I...I don't know.”

The admission made him feel small and weak and pathetic, but it didn't seem as frightening with her as it would have done with his master. That, despite the fact that he knew it wasn't the answer she wanted, she wouldn't lash out like Lord Sidious did when he was displeased. All she did was smile at him sadly through a film of tears, giving him a tiny, barely perceptible nod.

“That's alright,” she said. “Would you like me to leave you to rest?”

“I...” Vader swallowed. He was suddenly aware of the fact that, faced with the prospect of her leaving, he really did not want her to go. He shouldn't, of course he shouldn't—his master would be so angry if he knew—but he didn't want— He couldn't ask her to— “Will you...will you stay?”

Amidala's eyes widened at the hesitant question, and for one long moment, he was sure he had made a horrible mistake, but then her face split into the first true smile he had seen upon it. Small though it was, and as hesitant as he felt, it seemed to him to be blinding in its intensity.

“Yes, Ani.” She reached out, slowly, carefully to cradle his flesh hand in both of her own. They were small and strong, the warmth of her touch pleasant against his skin. He did not pull away. “Yes, I'll stay with you. Try and get some sleep. I'll be here with you.”

That night, for the first time he could remember, he slept soundly, still holding onto her hand.

[extremelyblackandwhite]

willow

pairing: mob!bucky barnes x reader

warnings: violence, harassing

a/n: part two of cardigan, hope you enjoy xx

CARDIGAN - INVISIBLE STRING

     - I’m not going to work wearing this. - Y/N stepped out of her bedroom in the dress Pietro had brought her. When he told her he had a black dress laying around she thought he meant maybe the sort of dress you’d wear for a first date, not what she had on at this moment. The dress was short, very short, barely hitting her mid thigh in a fashion that made her have to push her dress down every time she walked in fear she would be flashing someone yet that wasn’t the worse part, no, the worse par was the décolletage. It was plunging, hitting the end of her sternum leaving little to no imagination about the shape and size of her breasts. 

     - Well hello Y/N’s breasts. - he joked, receiving a slap in the back of his head from his twin sister. - I’m sorry, Y/N. They’re staring at me, I had to say something. 

    -  What kind of dates are you having? - Wanda asked dumbfounded as she started to search for a safety pin to help mend the situation and make it look a bit more work appropriate. Walking up to her, she pinned two sections of the fabric, successfully diminishing the size of the décolletage.  - It looks ... nice.

    - Is he going to kill me if I show up like this to work? - she pointed at the whole ensemble which was very foreign to her. She was cold and uncomfortable and although the bar tended itself to be very warm once the lights were on, she was already plenty uncomfortable working there. The two twins shared a look that she could only described as “I have no idea” which did little to no good in aiding her nerves. With nothing else to do, she grabbed her worn out bag from the hanger and waved her goodbyes to the twins. Surely it couldn’t be that bad. 

It’s just a dress, Y/N. She told herself as she padded the cobblestone grounds that led into the town centre, the dreaded town centre where she was needed to work. At least you have some cute shoes, she reassured herself, looking at her plain black Mary Janes with a buckle which made the shoe extra snug. Adding to the nerves of her dress, she kept convincing herself today she would get some information for her father, even if it was Bucky’s shoe size. It didn’t matter, she was going to get some information and make her father proud.

As she stepped into the bar, she noted the absence of Bobby. Probably it was her due turn to open shop which she wouldn’t mind would it not be for the fact she could barely move in that dress. Nevertheless, she quickly got to work, wiping the surfaces clean and placing the plastic menus on them followed by a few bowls of peanuts which Bobby always told her to keep her eyes on and not let go empty. The whole thing took less than five minutes and as she finished, she leaned against the counter watching the inside of the building. Everything was so meticulously placed, arranged in shades that matched. It was perfectly linear, symmetrical even and probably the work of a perfectionist architecture. It was peaceful when no one was around but that emptiness was soon interrupted by the door being open and in stepped the notorious Mr. Barnes.

Y/N pushed her dress straight, trying not to look professional and somewhat invisible so that he wouldn’t stare her in the eye. That tactic immediately failed as once the door shut behind him and his pristine suit, his head turned to the bar. 

    - What are you doing behind the bar? - his hands stood against his hips, touching the holster where a very shiny revolver laid, a warning sign not to mess with him.

   - I’m opening. 

   - You’re waitressing today. 

   - I’m not a waitress. - he slightly widened his eyes, taking a step forward, grin on his face. He leaned against the counter, finger under his chin. 

   - You are today. 

   - I don’t know how to wait on people. 

   - You don’t know how to bartend them either now step behind that bar and go grab a tray. - he barked the orders at her but Y/N remained still. No, absolutely not, she was not going to wait around in the tightest, shortest dress created by man.

   - I would rather ... I would rather not, sir. - she pulled at the front of her dress, eyes moving from his inspecting and scaring gaze. 

   - I didn’t ask you what you would rather. You have five seconds.

Y/N didn’t like being scolded by anyone, specially by a man like him but the shiny revolver on his hip made her act more sensibly and as such she shyly stepped behind the bar, stopping a few meters away from him. His gaze followed her legs, from her hips to her toes and he himself took a step back. 

   - You could’ve told me you didn’t have a dress. 

   - I have a dress. - she put her hands on her waist, defensively. - What do you think I am wearing?

   - I was hoping you would tell me. 

   - Can I just bartend today, Mr. Barnes? Please.

   - Absolutely not. 

She wanted to argue with him, she really did, she thought she could change his mind but yet again she wasn’t stupid enough to argue with him and as such, she walked slowly to the back of the bar to grab one of the sticky metal trays. Fantastic, she went from having a counter separating her from everyone to suddenly being in the middle of them. The lights were on, the music was loud and suddenly every table was putting their hands up for her to come take their orders. 

Now Y/N had done several things she wasn’t a fan of and seen even more than stomach churning evidence from her time at university but walking back and forward in the damned was officially the worse thing to have come out of her early 20s and as she leaned against the bar to cool off and take a break, someone was yelling her name for more drinks. She had officially become “Hey you” rather than Y/N. Mid shift she had decided to start hiding away from most tables, getting lost in the middle of the crowd dancing which was proving to be effective until the table she could not ignore raised their hands. James Barnes’ table. Why he was in a table surrounded by other men when he usually stood safely in his back office she didn’t know but what she did know was that whatever they were talking about was surely something her father would like to know. So, with a smile in her very tired face, she made her way towards the table. 

James Barnes sat with two other men who were equally as intimidating than he was yet there was no question as to who held the most power. Holding the tray on her left hand she waited to be shouted the orders through the music. 

   - Hey, you’re new! - the blonde man sat to James’ left pointed at her, smile on his face which immediately dissolved whatever sort of intimidating nature used to decorate his features. - I didn’t know we had a new waitress. 

   - We don’t. - James corrected, not even turning to look at her. - Y/N is on the floor tonight to cover for someone. She’s usually a lousy bartender. 

   - Can I get a beer? The coldest one you can find, please. - the other man sat next to James asked, charming smile on. - Steve will have the same. James ...

   - Glenlivet, I know. - Y/N interjected, forgetting for a second of who she was dealing with. As she remembered, she immediately walked away from the table to go grab the orders before they took her hostage. 

   - Two cold beers and a Glenlivet on the rocks please Bobby. 

   - The floor’s giving you a rough time, kid? - he placed two beers on her tray and turned around to grab the precious 1862 Glenlivet only Mr. Barnes was allowed to drink for. In Y/N’s opinion, it was a weird drink older than both her and him together yet she guessed owning old scotch made him somehow powerful. 

   - Dress’ giving me a rough time. - she gave him an exasperated smile before taking her tray back to the table, placing it into the centre. James still didn’t meet her eye, instead grabbing the coloured liquid and downing it as if it was water in a manner which even surprised the two men accompanying him. - Can I get you anything else? 

  - No, thank you. - Steve, or at least she guessed was his name, replied handing her a folded black leathered cover. Y/N took it, not ready to make any questions before returning to the bar. Once there, she opened the cover to reveal at least 300 pounds. Did they want more drinks? Did she mishear the song again as a drink order?

  - Nice tip, kid. - Bobby peaked at the money she was holding. - Rogers and Wilson always tip well.

  - This is a tip? I get to keep this? - she looked dumfounded at the money on her hand which was enough to pay her half the rent and she had just made in less than a minute.

  - All waitresses get to keep their tips. Did you not know?

  - No, I thought people wanted more drinks.

  - You’re adorable, kid. If you don’t tip your waitress here, you get kicked out. Barnes doesn’t like cheapskates in his club, ruins the image. 

  - Oh ... I ... can you keep it while I finish my job?

  - Just put it with your things.

She placed the money safely with her bag and returned to the dance floor. Surely they were gonna ask her for something, no one just gave 300 pounds as if it were nothing and didn’t expect something. Nothing is free in life, her father had told her and she whole heartily believed him yet there were 300 pounds more to her name in less than one minute so she wondered if maybe some things were for free. Nevertheless, Y/N continued with her shift plan by hiding in the middle on the dance floor and every so often peaking out to serve some tables. As she exited the dance floor, someone pulled her in and she hit what she thought was someone’s chest, hands holding her hip in place.

   - Get off me. - she tried to walk forward, but she was pulled back once more. Turning around she grabbed her tray with both hands and hit whoever was holding her and trying to grind on her over the head. The man blinked slowly, hand resting on his head and she repeated her motions. - I said take your hand off me, RIGHT NOW!

  - Hey, what’s wrong here? - of course. The man must have hidden mics arounds the dance floor so he can sense when someone isn’t adhering to their strict patterns of conduct. 

  - He was grinding on me. - Y/N kicked her way fully of the man’s embrace. She thought it’d be best to put her defence forward first before she got to be the second person to have their head smashed against the counter. 

   - I don’t have the time for this. Steve, get him off here. - he motioned to the blonde who came up from behind. She hanged onto her tray as if it were her life source, expecting whatever punishment was coming her way. - And you go back to the bar and stay there. 

Y/N wanted to feel sorry for the poor soul who was being pulled out of the club for Steve yet all she could feel was grateful for the fact she no longer had to stay on the floor. The rest of the night was uneventful, all she could hear them talk about was some exchange yet nothing else of importance to her, or something which would create a breakthrough in the case. Soon the monotonous voice came through the speakers, warning people of the imminent end of the night. 

Everyday was the same thing. She would go into the club, collect whatever breadcrumb information she could get from her father and return them to the police. Everyday she would come in, prepare the same drinks, ignore the same comments and for a month all she could get was nothing but the fact that Barnes, Wilson and Rogers constantly spoke about a trade taking place later on the year which as good as nothing but it was something strong enough to keep her undercover. Today was no different, she had come in a few hours early, it was only a mid shift and she wanted to set things the way she liked when Mr. Barnes came stumbling into the bar, holding his hand against his forehead, red liquid running down his pale hand. 

  - Where the fuck is Bobby? - he barked, pulling a chair with his foot to sit down. 

  - He’s on holiday. - she spoke calmly but her heart was beating against her ribcage like a drum as her shaking hands grabbed the first aid kit from under the bar and rushed over to him. Whoever had the guts to cause a wound to the mob boss would surely be okay with following him in and that was all she could think about. Nevertheless, she was a nurse in training, she should be calm. She wasn’t calm. - Can I see?

  - Don’t you have something to do?

  - Let me help, please. - her touch was soft, softer than any touch he’d ever felt as her hand laid upon his, slightly yet effortlessly pushing his hand away from the gash close to his hairline. Her lips tightened as her finger pushed some of the hair away from the wound, it wasn’t bad. It was deep but not deep enough it would require any immediate stitching, some cleaning and maybe butterfly band-aids and he’d be able to go back to intimidating people. - I’m going to clean it and then I’ll bandage the wound. It might sting, please don’t shoot me if it does.

  - Is that what you think I do? - he furrowed his eyebrow, forgetting about the wound just above it as she rummaged through their first aid kit for something that would suffice in disinfecting his wound as she was sure health, safety and cleaning procedures weren’t something a mobster would consider when picking their weapon of choice. - You think I shot people just because they hurt me?

  - That’s what I’ve heard. - she shrugged it off as if they were having a casual conversation, as if he had asked her if she enjoyed the weather. She heard rumours, several of them coming from Wanda, Pietro and other people she surrounded herself with and while she would’ve discredited them in any other situation, she had her father’s confirmation that one does not mess with James Barnes and comes back whole. - Big bad mob boss … it’s what they show in mobster books and movies.

  - Trust me petal, if I hurt someone they’ve had it coming. - he leaned upon his own shoulder inspecting her. - Besides, I don’t do the dirty work.

  - Enlighten me, then. - she loosened up. Make the patient comfortable was always rule number one as her lecturers and superiors would tell her and although the man in front of her was the furthest thing from someone who’d become comfortable with someone, what she was doing would eventually sting and she’d rather have him happy than upset. James grabbed the salt and pepper sets laying on top of the table, pulling the salt to lay in front of every other container.

  - In your regular mob you have an hierarchy. - he moved the salt and pepper around in almost chess-like manner. - You have your boss, your underboss, capo, consigliere and soldiers. Soldiers do the dirty work, they do the shooting.

  - What do you do then? - she cocked an eyebrow at him, drenching the cotton round in the alcohol filled liquid which always made her feel slightly sick.

  - I’m the boss, petal. Your question should be what the other’s do.

  - Okay, I bite. - she got closer to him, hand resting on the side of his face as she started to dab the dried and wet blood away from his wound.  - What do the others do?

  - The underboss is … I guess what you could call a vice-president. They make decisions but ultimately answer to me, not that Steve listens to me anyway. Your consigliere is impartial, he comes in whenever you need an impartial decision either between capos or families. Your capos are the heads of their own families and have their sort of hierarchy, they are the lieutenants and can be or not be related to the boss and finally you got your soldiers, they do the dirty work. Although, I must say that sometimes I do enjoy applying the punishment.

  - So Steve’s your underboss… - she continued to clean the wound, waiting for the moment he would hiss and throw her away but he remained still, comfortable even. - Is Sam one of your soldiers?

  - Sam’s a consigliere and a damned good one although he is a pain. - she went back to her sit, putting the cotton round in the bin and grabbing some bandaids. - But I know about it, why don’t you tell me about you?

  - Bobby said you run a background check on everyone. I don’t think I would be much surprising. - much of her profile was real yes, but most important details have been altered so he wouldn’t suspect her or wonder why the Capitan’s daughter was applying for a position in his bar.

  - What do you fear most in life?

  - Why would you ask me that?

  - If you know people’s fears, you’re normally in control of them. Fear controls everyone, if you control their fears, you control them.

  - Do you wanna control me, Mr. Barnes? Is that it? - she had a little smile gracing her features as she bandaged both sides of the wound together.

James wondered what she was smiling about. People like to believe they’re uncontrollable or if they’re controllable that only themselves hold that people yet Y/N just seemed to mindlessly agree with that control, something which her actions forcibly went against. Nevertheless, she still had this peaceful smile on as she finished patching him up. 

   - You’re all ready. 

   - Thanks. - his voice rumbled in a tone low enough it could be considered both menacing and thankful at the same time. Nevertheless, this was probably the first time she had heard him say thanks to anyone. - What are you doing here anyway? Phoenix covers over Bobby’s shifts when he’s on holiday and you don’t start in five hours at least.

    - Oh ... my flatmate is going on a date with this guy and she wants to bring him home so I have to finish early to check into the motel near campus. They said they only check in people until midnight. I asked Phoenix and he said it was okay.

   - What motel near campus? The Love Locket?

   - Yes, it’s close to university and I have class at 8AM so I can’t go anywhere further. 

   - That’s where you take your prostitute or mistress not where you spend a night.

    - Thank you for the warning, I guess? - she shrugged. Of course she knew that, she would even hear some of the younger students bolster about how they brought their one night stands there but if it made Wanda happy, Y/N would sleep on the street if necessary.

   - You’re not staying at the Love Locket, Y/N. You’ll get robbed or kidnapped.

   - I don’t have anything precious or valuable enough to get stolen and if someone kidnapped me they would soon get bored of me. I’ve been called the human equivalent of vanilla ice cream before. 

   - You’re not staying there, that’s final. I’m not in the mood to hire another lousy bartender if you go missing.

   - Where do you suggest I stay then? - she packed the supplies onto the small blue box, walking up to behind bar to put it back. 

  - Don’t you have any other friends?

  - Her twin brother is keen on having company every night too and I wouldn’t want to be asked to join it or even listen to it.

  - You can stay with me tonight. Next time have arrangements done.

  - I’m not staying with you.

She didn’t mean for it to sound ungrateful, she would never want to be ungrateful but she also knew not to go into the house of strangers although her father would probably tell her too. How funny, normally a father would do the opposite but being in the mob boss’ house had their own perks. Surely he would keep some sort of valuables, information maybe contact numbers of bottom feeders who’d be willing to collaborate for a chance to put their boss behind bars and gain his spot. Anything. Yet Y/N’s most forceful and convincing side was telling her no. It wasn’t she was particular untrusting of him, after all he had been nothing but civil with her for the past days and would always drive her home. She guessed if he wanted to kill her, he would’ve done it already but every single day her heart weighed heavy with the thought of him discovering her lie and putting an end to her life.

  - I might not know what you fear the most, but I do know what you fear. 

He strolled from the table to the counter, hands buried in the pockets of his tailored trousers. Y/N looked at him through her eyelashes, hands behind her own back as he took the revolver off his holster and placed it on the counter.

  - You are really afraid I’m going to kill you. Aren’t you, petal?

  - It’s not an absurd fear, Mr. Barnes. 

  - Have you ever seen me kill someone?

  - No.

  - Have I ever threatened you?

  - No.

  - Have I put you in danger?

  - No.

  - Then it is an absurd fear, petal. - he slide his gun off the counter, returning it to its usual place near his hip. - Come find me after you’re done with your shift. Don’t cause any trouble.

  - Yes, Mr. Barnes. - she had soon learned there was no use in saying no to him. He got his way all the time, he was used to getting his way so she wondered why she even contested him. 

The shift was the same as per usual yet all she could think about what spending the night at a mob boss’ house. She had messaged her father during her break and he was ecstatic, telling her to take photos and videos and collect whatever she could find of use. In all honesty, Y/N had expected him to tell her to be safe but instead it was just a lead. She was scared, she was so scared that all of this was a veil of comfort he was casting over her to make sure she was a dumb little sheep walking into his trap. She begged for the clock to turn back as it hit 11PM and Phoenix told her it was okay to go. 

She held her purse against her chest, pulling onto the leather strap as she moved through the dance floor and into the VIP area where Mr. Barnes was chatting with Steve who smiled once he saw her.

  - Hey Y/N. Waiting on us tonight?

  - No ... I’m just here for Mr. Barnes. - she played with the hem of her bag, cheeks hot as she thought of the implications her word might have.

  - Is your shift over already? - he placed his half empty glass on the table and got up, hand holding his jacket. She nodded hesitantly, she was going to be fine, she was going to be fine. - Alright, then.

  - Well, it was nice to see you, Y/N. We’ll speak about this later, Buck. 

  - Let’s go. - he put his hand on her back, driving her through the sea of people kissing, dancing and drinking. He wondered if that what she liked to do on her free time, if she was like the girls who came up here on the weekends and Fridays looking for a good time yet she seemed to shut everything out. 

As they got deeper into the back of the club, she felt him drape something soft and warm over her. Looking to her left she recognised the fabric of her old cardigan, the one she had left in the same car she was now entering. The driver was mostly silent, Y/N mostly looking for the comfort given to her by the old garment while he kept his wild eyes on the road. 

The drive was a short one, stopping at a high building of thirteen floors if the elevator was to be believed. Despite being surrounded by luxury, her eyes were gazing the gun to his hip. She knew he had other weapons, she knew he kept a knife hidden and other guns with him but this one seemed to taunt her, as if she knew she was walking into her own trap.

    - Stop. - he hooked his finger under her chin, pushing her face upwards. - I don’t stain my home with blood. 

    - I’m sorry.

    - Stop that too. 

    - Stop what?

    - Apologising. You walk as if you’re apologising to the world for your existence. No one’s gonna take you seriously if you don’t take yourself seriously. 

    - It’s funny a man is asking me to stop apologising when it’s your own institution who taught me and my gender to apologise for merely existing. 

    - You have an edge to you. You should use more often. 

    - I don’t have an edge, I’m definitely not the type of person you think I am.

    - You’re definitely the type of person I think you are, petal. - he strutted into his home as the lift door’s open.

It was wide, spacious, modern, in shades of white and grey. Nothing like the stuffy, old rooms she saw in movies or the drug den picture he father painted when speaking about the mob’s place of living. No, this was a modern design, with glass hardware and marbled surfaces which belonged in a cover of a design magazine. It was pristinely clean; after all, a man of his calibre could possibly hire a maid for whenever he needed to get rid of blood but blood stains and his white carpets and blankets were spotless. She wondered if she should trust his words but that thought escaped her mind as she noticed the glass set of chess laying perfectly arranged on the coffee table in the middle of two black couches. 

   - You play? - he asked, noticing her gaze on the board. 

   - My dad only had a chess board while I was growing up. I’d like to think it was my first friend. 

   - None of my associates play. Probably the reason why they’re associates and not the boss. - he sat in one of the couches, pointing at the other one for her to sit in. 

   - Do you chose a boss by their ability at playing chess?

   - Play with me. - he placed both elbows on the table, hands folded under his chin. 

James Barnes was a brilliant player, she had to admit and he too knew it himself. The previous boss had taught him the game, sitting him down and making him win a match against him for the chance to eventually win his spot whenever his demise came.

   - You see petal, everyone thinks chess is about planning ahead. - he took another one of her white pieces, putting it on his side. - I don’t discount that, but it’s really about intimidation. You can be the best player in the world, at the end of the day if you can’t intimidate someone, you’re not gonna win.

   - Do you think I’m intimidating?

   - Why do you ask?

   - Because ... - she moved her king placing it to the right and down of her white queen, successfully trapping the black king. - Checkmate

I'm begging for you to take my hand, wreck my plans ...

taglist: @lookiamtrying @mariamermaid @sebastianstansqueen @unmagically @buckybarnes1982 @mela-noche @lowercasegenius @randomweirdooo @projectcampbell​ 

[bright-molina]

Emergency Contact

synopsis: Sometimes it takes an accident and the revelation that Buck is Luke's emergency contact to really bring the Buckley-Mercer (et al) Family to the same page.

fandoms: Julie and the Phantoms x 911

relationships/characters: Buckley!reader (gender neutral), Alex Mercer, Evan Buckley, Luke Patterson, Athena Grant, Maddie Buckley (all relationships are familial/platonic)

word count: 2503

warnings: mentions of minor injuries (and I mean minor, sprained ankle, minor concussion is all)

a/n: @biqherosix surprise! Catch me pushing the Buckley-Mercer family agenda cause I can. For anyone wondering, we're running with the idea that they're cousins. I honestly have no idea where this came from, I wrote it at like midnight yesterday. And it only figures that the first thing I post in forever is a crossover that is mostly self-indulgent but I promise I'm trying to get the hang of things again.

For those of y'all that haven't seen 911 but still wanna read: one, I appreciate you so much oh my gosh, two, I highly recommend it and three, all you really need to know for this one is that Buck is a firefighter with the 118, Athena Grant is a police officer, and Maddie is Buck's older sister and a 911 dispatcher. If I missed anything and you wanna know feel more than free to ask!

The absolute last thing you expected was your phone ringing well past midnight.

“Don’t answer it.”

Alex’s voice sounded from beside you, muffled by the pile of blankets he was buried under. You rolled your eyes and reached for your phone only to have him snatch it out of your grip and stuff it under the blankets alongside him.

“Give it back!”

“No,” Alex crossed his arms tighter, ignoring the second ring completely. “It’s probably Buck checking to see if we’ve gone to sleep yet, if you answer he’ll know we’re still up.”

“Like Buck would voluntarily be up right now. He’s fifteen hours into a twenty four hour shift,” You leaned back against the couch, knowing there was no tearing the phone away from Alex. “Will you at least check who it is to make sure it’s not Maddie?”

Alex groaned, loud and exaggerated, before sticking his head underneath his blankets to check your phone. You were just barely able to hear his panicked ‘uh oh’ before he put on his best fake tired voice and answered, “Hello?”

“Alexander Mercer, what are you doing awake at this hour?”

“I wasn’t awake.”

“Sure you weren’t. Give the phone to y/n.”

He was handing you the phone in a flash and you could see his wide eyes in the dim blue light coming from the living room tv. “It’s Athena.”

“Thanks, I heard. And I told you so,” You smacked him with your pillow when he stuck his tongue out and he quickly ducked back under the blankets. Whether he was hiding from you or Athena was up for debate. “Hi Athena.”

“Y/N,” Uh oh was right. You recognized the tone in her voice immediately. Exasperated and tired with a little bit of worry laced through. “You wouldn’t be able to get ahold of Buck would you?”

“I could,” You sat up straighter and Alex peeked out from under the blankets again, craning his neck to listen in on the conversation. “Is something wrong? Can’t you call Captain Nash?”

“I could,” Athena echoed your words back to you and you heard muffled shouting in the back. “But Captain Nash isn’t Luke’s emergency contact.”

“His what!”

“It’s not a big deal!” Luke’s voice. It was him who had been shouting. “I’m fine!”

“The cast you’re wearing says different,” There was a click on the other end of the line and Alex tripped over the discarded blankets and pillows as he rushed to look for the car keys. “We couldn’t reach him and Maddie was his second emergency contact but May said she went home early today.”

“Yeah, uh, she -” You put on your shoes as fast as possible and reached for the nearest sweater, one you were sure wasn’t yours. “Jee’s teething so she - she’s probably busy with her. What happened? Luke -”

“Is fine. You just focus on getting to the station and bringing Buck to Med cause he’s gotta fill out some papers. I’ll stay here with him until you do.”

“Okay. Okay we’ll be there soon.”

“Y/N put me on speaker,” Athena must’ve been able to hear the panic in your voice. She knew both you and Alex well enough to know every emotion that was running through you both at that moment. “I want both of you to listen to me. Luke is okay. A little scratched up. Maybe a bruised ego. But he’s just fine, I promise you.”

If there was anybody you trusted it was Athena Grant. So you and Alex shared a look, thanked her, and sprinted out of the apartment wondering what on earth Luke had gotten himself into.

“What do you mean you don’t know!”

“Athena didn’t tell us anything!” You shouted right back at Buck despite knowing it probably wasn’t the best idea given the time or the circumstances. Alex was a few feet away, talking quietly to Chimney to have him relay a message to Maddie. She’d be less angry if the news came from him.

“I thought he went back home,” Buck shook his head before jogging down the stairs and you followed him. He all but charged to the locker room and started shoving all his things in the duffel he always carted with him from the apartment to the station and back. “I thought he was okay.”

It wasn’t until then, until you caught a glimpse of his reflection in the little mirror in his locker surrounded by pictures, that you realized something. Evan Buckley, the firefighter, your brother who always seemed so fearless, was scared.

Buck’s mind was racing at a million miles an hour. He kept going through every piece of information he could from the last two days. Luke had promised him. Sworn he was going back home to his parents. He should’ve known better. They were too much alike and he should’ve known better.

He supposed the worrying came with the territory. The anxiety and panic and not knowing were all things he didn’t like but things he would bear if it meant making sure one of his own was okay.

He had always been protective. You were the youngest Buckley and he took it upon himself to make sure you had a better life than him and Maddie had had. Alex was family and he didn’t hesitate to give him a home when he needed one, metaphorically and literally.

And somewhere along the way the Buckley-Mercer family had grown without him realizing it. Alex had brought his band, his friends, over for dinner once and from that moment on they became a fixture in his life.

Bobby, who was surprised the first time Maddie grinned and hugged him, telling him how proud she was of him. Reggie, who was the first to accept a place in their makeshift home, needing the support and love they offered more than anything. And Luke, who was stubborn and wore his heart on his sleeve and fit right in with them.

And Buck couldn’t believe he had let them down. He couldn’t believe that he tried so hard to let Luke know he was there for him and he had failed. If he had just paid a little more attention then -

“I know what you’re thinking,” Your voice cut off his thoughts and he paused for a moment before continuing.

“No you don’t.”

“You’re blaming yourself. It’s what you always do,” You watched as he pocketed his phone and zipped up the bag. “It’s what you did when I thought I could jump off the swing and ended up with a broken arm even though you couldn’t have stopped me. It’s what you did when Alex had that really bad allergic reaction even though none of us knew he was allergic in the place. It’s what you’re doing now.”

Buck slammed the locker shut without meaning to and silently wondered how you seemed to know everything about him when he seemed to know nothing about any of you, not really. He wasn’t like you or Maddie or Alex and that had never been more clear.

“I’m not blaming myself. I just -” He sighed and walked out of the locker room, past you and Alex, and around to the drivers side of the car. He didn’t get in yet. Instead he glanced between the two of you. “I’m not Maddie. I don’t know how to tell what you guys are thinking. I don’t know how to do the things she does. I can’t help how she does. But - but maybe if I could then -”

“You’re right,” You cut him off, already knowing where he was going. “You’re not Maddie. But we don’t need another Maddie, we need Buck.”

“Y/N’s right,” Alex leaned against the top of the car and gave an easy shrug. “Maddie does family dinners every week and helps us with homework and keeps superhero bandaids around for when Reg and Bobby come back from the skate park with scrapes all over them. But you host game nights and come to every one of our practices when you’re not here and tell really bad jokes when you know we need to hear them.”

“They aren’t bad -”

“Yeah they are,” Both you and Alex answered in sync, successfully pulling the faintest laugh from Buck.

“You’re Buck,” You repeated and finally opened the door of the car. “And when Luke left home he came to you. Athena said you’re his emergency contact because he trusts you more than anyone else. We all do.”

It took less than a couple seconds for Buck to nod and get in the car, the two of you following his lead. Moments later he was speeding away from the 118 and in the direction of the hospital, determined to be where he was needed.

“You’re an idiot, Luke Patterson.”

“Wow thanks,” Luke rolled his eyes from where he sat on the couch, an action that earned him a scolding from you, and kept picking at the fabric of the pillow he was holding to him.

It was nearing mid morning and you had all gotten back to Buck’s apartment only a short while ago. The combined insistence and intimidation coming from both Buck and Athena meant the doctors had no choice but to run as many tests as necessary until they were positive Luke was fine.

Your eyes scanned his face again, a habit you’d picked up from Maddie, in an attempt to assess the damage once more to be sure nothing had gone wrong in the last ten minutes.

A butterfly bandage on his forehead above his left eye. Some scrapes on his arms from the fall. The brace around his right ankle propped up on the coffee table and some pillows. A tear in his favorite flannel that you were already patching up.

“What were you thinking?” You sighed and dropped your hands, turning in your spot beside him to look at him and read all the expressions flashing across his face. “You got hit by a car, Luke.”

“I did not!” He flinched when Alex, fast asleep across the other couch, shifted a little at the noise. Buck did the same thing upstairs in the loft, though he recognized the sound of talking and opted to listen in. “I swerved out of the way. The bike lost control and I hit the pavement but I’m fine.”

“The mild concussion and sprained ankle beg to differ,” You stared again. Luke refused to meet your eyes, refused to look anywhere around the apartment that wasn’t the pillow on his lap. He’d been doing the same thing since Buck had nearly busted down the door of the room he’d been sitting in at the hospital. “What were you thinking?”

“I don’t know,” Luke finally sighed, knowing you wouldn’t let it go any time soon. “I just - I did go home. At first. And i-it was okay until my mom started doing that -that thing she does. The voice, talking down, asking when I was gonna start getting serious, telling me I should do better. I tried but she wouldn’t stop saying all of it so I -” His shoulders sank and his head hung low and you moved closer. “I left.”

“So why didn’t you come back here?” You reached out, hand on his arm in an attempt to get him to hear you. To listen to you. To talk to you. “What made you think you couldn’t?”

It took a few moments but when Luke finally looked up his eyes were watering and he looked unsure. He looked scared and he was never scared. “I didn’t want to disappoint anyone else.”

“I don’t know if you know this,” You gave a sigh and leaned against the back of the couch on one arm. “But we are, historically, a pretty messed up family.”

You successfully pulled a laugh from Luke and a muffled ‘shut up’ from Alex only made the two of you laugh more. But when the laughter faded away you were left with the ghost of those doubts. Present and needing closure. To be acknowledged and reassured.

“There is nothing you could do that would disappoint Maddie and Buck, believe me,” You gave him a faint, sad smile and for a second he wondered what memories were the source of it. “And you never have to be scared. We’re your family and we’re here for you. Me and Alex and Buck and Maddie. Athena who stayed with you until we got there and after. Chimney who’s breaking the news to Maddie to save us all. Albert. May. Bobby. Reggie. You have all of us. I hate to break it to you but you’re a part of our weird little family and we aren’t going anywhere any time soon. So please, please never feel like you have to hide from us. You’re home here, Luke.”

And he believed every word. For a moment he wondered why he ever doubted it in the first place. It was evident in the way he had a designated spot at the dining table at Maddie’s place. In the way his clothes took up a good amount of space in one of the dressers upstairs. In the pair of house keys that hung on a chain around his neck. Reggie and Bobby were also given a pair long ago.

“Does one of you want to explain to me what the hell happened!” The sound of the door being thrown open startled all of you. Alex sat up quickly and Buck came barreling down the stairs to meet Maddie at the door.

Bobby and Reggie came in after her, holding piles of various items she’d insisted on bringing with. They were followed moments later by Albert carrying bags filled with takeout and then Chimney with Jee-Yun in her car seat.

It was dead silent for a moment as Maddie looked between her siblings, her cousin, and the boy she considered one of her own. They were all her family and that was that.

Finally the silence was broken by Luke leaning over in your direction and quietly asking, “Hey, does home have a place I can hide from Maddie until she’s less mad?”

“Oh, Luke,” You offered him a smile he recognized as a slightly sympathetic yet playful one. “There is nowhere you can hide where Maddie’s anger, love, and aggressive post-injury nurturing won’t reach. Good luck.”

She sat in your spot the moment you stood up and was immediately making sure Luke was okay. Her eyes scanned each injury just as yours had and when she finally let him take a breath he looked around.

All of this, the chaos that was unpacking the various takeout boxes. Setting up a little station on the kitchen island with various medical supplies. Chasing Jee-Yun around as she crawled and wobbled all around the place. Music playing softly in the background as everyone smiled and talked and felt relieved that he was okay.

This was home. Luke was sure of it.

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[whatifxwereyou]

Ashes Chapter 6: Level-Headed

Pairing: Liu Kang x Reader

You meet Nightwolf. Turns out that he's a really good dude. Liu Kang is still having a tough time but he is seeming at least a bit more like himself. He's got a level-head but now you're the one who can't keep it together. And who could blame you?

A/N: I am just so happy that other people like reading the nonsense I write. I know it's not the best but I'm having fun writing it and it's even more fun getting to enjoy it with people <3 Sorry I'm so sentimental lately. Just feeling really loved and I want to spread that love~

First Chapter << Previous Chapter Next Chapter >> Chapter Index

The next day was awkward but you weren’t biting each other’s heads off at least. You were both too tired, it seemed. Liu Kang had a big red comical handprint on his face that morning but it faded by the afternoon. You were both unhappy but you supposed this might have been progress since you weren’t snapping at each other. Either that or you’d taken ten steps backwards and said things you didn’t mean and had done irreparable damage to your friendship.

By the evening you were drawing close to the spot on the map, or at least you thought you were. “Look.” You gestured to a cabin in the distance. You could barely make it out between the trees. Then there was the howling of wolves and you heard their footfalls running toward you, the shadows of the hulking beasts flittering between the trees. It was only seconds before you were surrounded by wolves enveloped in green mist.

You drew closer to Liu Kang and summoned a sword with your ink. Liu stood at the ready but didn’t summon his fire yet. Neither one of you liked to hurt animals, even when they were aggressive. Besides, the floaty green mist made it seem like you were out of your league with these wolves.

They didn’t attack. Instead the voice of a man broke through their howling and the dogs silenced as he walked amongst them. Tall, with messy dark hair, dark eyes and tan skin, the man’s presence was commanding. This had to be Nightwolf or at least someone in close relation to him.

“What brings you to this place?”

Liu made to speak but you grabbed his arm to silence him. He’d caused more than enough trouble with his mouth the past week and you no longer trusted him. “We’ve come to talk.” You dug in your bag and one of the wolves growled. Intimidated, you felt Liu Kang step before you defensively. You reached into the bag and dug for the wolf charm you’d been given. Then you presented it to the man and the wolves disappeared. The man turned away from you.

“Come.”

You exchanged a nervous glance with Liu who remained tense after you’d interrupted him. He nodded to let you know he was okay and you followed the man into the cabin. “You’re Nightwolf.” Liu Kang wanted to make sure.

“Yes, that is what they call me now. You must be trusted to have been given this location and that trinket.” He addressed you and you offered a polite bow.

“I’m Y/N and this is Liu Kang. We’ve come a long way to talk to you.” For a while, the conversation went smoothly. Liu Kang explained the dragon marking and its significance, showing off his own and having you express that you had one too. He explained the nature of the realms, of Lord Raiden, of the war that was likely coming and that you needed him to speak with Lord Raiden and come train in his temple. You were grateful that Liu Kang had somehow managed to have a civil conversation with someone. One point in the win column against a thousand in the lose column. That was something.

But Nightwolf didn’t seem eager to join you and instead mulled over your information. You couldn’t blame him. This was a lot and some of it was beyond belief without proof. If you hadn’t been thrown into the whole mix against your will, then you would have struggled with it too. You’d had nowhere else to run at the time and had been in over your head with unruly arcana and visions from the past.

“I have a duty here in America. I’ll have to think about it.” At least he was honest.

And reasonable. Leaving everything that he’d ever known was a huge decision. It didn’t mean that he wouldn’t return someday but there was also a chance that he would die. What you did was dangerous. Your lives tended to be short. You held your bag a little closer.

“I’m to bring you to Raiden’s Temple. I won’t leave without you.” Liu was sounding harsh again so you sighed. Maybe that was why Raiden had sent you together. Liu Kang was too grief stricken and angry to do his job on his own and you were too swept up in guilt to stay focused. You balanced each other in a horrible way.

“That decision is not yours to make, friend.” Nightwolf was incredibly respectful considering Liu Kang’s tone but the air became tense.

“I understand your hesitation, but would you give me a chance to try and convince you? You have a little time to think about it but we’re not sure how much. The longer you get to train the better off we’ll be. We have no idea how long before Outworld strikes again.” You tried to play mediator. Liu Kang’s hand grasped your arm and you nearly snarled in anger but somehow managed to get yourself together.

“We don’t have time for this, Y/N.” Liu scolded you.

“We do. You’re being impatient. Take a breath.” You narrowed your eyes at him dangerously.

“Excuse me, then.” He gritted his teeth and walked out the door, slamming it behind him. His temper was out of control. You winced at the sound of the door slamming. You missed him. You wanted him to be okay.

“I’m sorry. It’s been difficult. This war has taken a toll on us all.” You offered an excuse and a smile.

“He seems troubled.”

“He’s a good man, I promise. Just having a hard time right now.”

“You seem troubled.” Nightwolf added with a knowing glance. He was a good judge of character. He was calming and you were grateful for that because you had enough frustration from Liu’s attitude. If you snapped, it would have made Liu Kang’s poor attitude look like child’s play.

“And I’ll be okay too.”

“So, tell me, Miss Y/N. Why do you think that I should help you?”

“Well, it’s not me that you’re helping, that’s why. It’s not us. Earthrealm is our home, warts and all. If we have any strength then we have a responsibility to protect it in any way that we can, no matter what that means.”

“A wise answer.” He smiled and you were relieved. “Is that why you do this?”

“Ultimately, yes.” You had found, over the years, that honesty was the best policy. There were plenty of times where it didn’t work, but Nightwolf seemed to be looking for honesty. You had a feeling he would be able to tell if you lied. “I was sort of thrust into this at first. I had nowhere to go after my mark and so I was brought to Raiden’s Temple, which I fought, and then I was too sick to leave. I fought at first because I didn’t know what else to do. I was lost. But with time and understanding, I found that no matter what other reasons I had, I would fight to protect the place and people that I loved. This is my home, and I am willing to die to keep it safe.”

“But you weren’t at first?”

It felt like a test, and you hoped beyond hope that you were passing. You’d failed enough the last few months, you couldn’t risk another check in that column.

“I was overwhelmed with the scope of the danger and truth of all this. In the beginning, I treated it kind of like a joke because I didn’t understand. I knew, deep down, that it was the right thing to do but I had no other reason than that. That changed, of course. I think it’s normal to want to think it over. Liu Kang thinks it is too, he’s just not himself right now. I hope that you don’t judge him too harshly for his temper. It’s not like him.”

“I appreciate your honesty, Y/N.” He stood and walked to the counter, picking up a clear bottle filled with tan liquid. “You look like you could use a drink.”

“You have no idea.” You laughed and he joined you in having one. As long as you weren’t with Liu, there was no risk of you making another stupid mistake. And as long as one didn’t become ten, the risk of that was even lower.

Nightwolf turned out to be a kind and interesting man. He had struggled with his mark because the mark meant that he was special. You understood how that felt. Embracing the fate of something beyond your control had scared you too, but it had been worth it in the end. You listened to him as he shared his story and you shared a drink. You were a good listener. You always had been, and he seemed to appreciate the ear.

When your glasses were drained, he took them and set them aside which you were grateful for. “There are couches and some blankets that are open to you and your friend. I’ll make my decision as soon as I can, but I make no promises as to what that decision might be. You have been patient with me, and I appreciate that patience. I will do what I can.”

“This is a big decision but time is of the essence. Still, I want you to take that time.” You wouldn’t push him into giving up his life as he knew it to travel halfway across the world. You wouldn’t push anyone who didn’t deserve pushing. You also had the feeling that he was going to help. He seemed like a kind and powerful man whose motives were morally aligned with yours. You were grateful for that. So many with the dragon marking had wound up being scumbags.

“Thank you. Get some rest, Y/N.”

“I will. You too.” You watched him leave and then were left alone in the kitchen. You set your bag down on the smaller couch and walked outside. There was a firepit near the house and several overturned logs that served as benches. You sat on one of the logs and faced away from the firepit. The sky was overcast that night so you couldn’t see the stars but watching the clouds was soothing too.

Then Liu Kang sat next to you.

This was all too familiar now. You watched the clouds and were at peace for a short time.

“I’m apologizing again.”

“Oh. What for now?” You couldn’t help it. The sarcasm came out. He mulled it over as if to be thinking through the list of nonsense that he’d done in the last few days that he had to apologize for. Then he gestured back to the cabin.

“Being a jerk about this whole thing, for one.”

“That is just not specific enough, I’m afraid.” You turned to him.

“Being short with Nightwolf. He deserved time to mull it over.”

“I know he did. You know he did. You’ve got to figure out this temper that you’ve developed, Liu.”

“I don’t know where it came from. I always had such control.” He slumped his shoulders.

“You’re grieving.”

“Yeah, but so are you and you aren’t jumping down everyone’s throats for no reason.”

“Not when you’re looking, at least.” You were still angry with him even if he seemed willing to talk. He’d upset you. An apology wasn’t enough.

“I’ve got to get it together.” He held his head in his hands and pushed his hair back, disgusted with himself. The sound he made would have been funny if you hadn’t been a terrible mixture of mad at him and worried for him.

“Do you know what I keep thinking? What I keep wishing for?”

“Kung Lao to be back?” He said in a tired drone.

“No. I keep hoping that you find peace. I’m crushed by his death, Liu, but you’re broken.” You watched the clouds again. You wanted him to be okay, but you couldn’t be an emotional punching bag for him to figure it out with. He watched you and you could feel his eyes taking you in longer than they should have. He scooted closer. He probably didn’t believe you, and you couldn’t blame him.

“Your being here helps.”

Bullshit.

You laughed in disbelief. Liu Kang radiated with fire and you knew that feeling all too well and scooted a little away.

“Really? Because I feel like I’m actively making it worse.”

“Well, it’s complicated, isn’t it?”

“That’s a good word for it.”

“You remind me of him. You make it real. But also, you’re my friend. You were more than that.” He shrugged, clasping his hands in front of him, elbows on his knees. “We never really talked about it and it made things so hard.”

“We’re talking right now. We’ve talked and yelled a lot the last few days.” You were tired of talking about your grief in vague niceties. You were tired of being comforting. Of fighting.

“Not Kung Lao. Not grief.” He gestured between you and then returned his hands to his knees as if he had more control of them there. “About this.” You sighed heavily. Hadn’t you slapped him real hard about it the night before? “About what it was before you decided on Kung Lao.”

“I didn’t decide anything, remember? We did talk about it, Liu Kang. And you said that it wasn’t like it meant anything. That I didn’t owe you anything. A keep the change sort of comment. Remember?” You didn’t want to talk about it. You were so tired of fighting with him. It felt endless. How could Raiden do this to you? Why? Had you offended him in some way? Had your grief over Kung Lao not been loud and sad enough? “It doesn’t matter what you meant then, Liu, because that was what I was left with and so that was what I believed for years.”

“Except that I did that for Kung Lao. Do I not get to talk about it?”

“Sometimes it’s better to leave the past in the past and move on.”

“Except that it isn’t the past anymore, Y/N.” He grabbed your arm and urged you to look at him. You stiffened up. “I guess that you were hoping we’d just never talk about the other night. You keep running off. I tried to say something in the motel but you shut me down hard.”

“You can’t do this.” You struggled to speak without your voice trembling. His eyes were so dark and sad and full of fire, his lips twitching in a way where you couldn’t take your eyes off of them. “You can’t just bring it up whenever it’s convenient for you. You can’t just… wreck my emotions on repeat because you’re grieving. I’m grieving too.”

“Yeah, well you can’t just crawl into my bed and leave a bunch of scars down my back and then fuck off because it’s convenient for you.”

You were exasperated and threw your hands up in frustration. “We were drunk! Obliterated!”

“I wasn’t that drunk. I remember, Y/N.”

“Yeah, well I was. It was a mistake, Liu Kang. A grievous, drunken error that has only made things exponentially more difficult. I was sad and vulnerable and wasted. I made a mistake, okay? So maybe, just maybe, you can eat some of those lies you told me years ago. It’s not like it meant anything.” You spat with some venom and were surprised with yourself, covering your mouth after you’d said it. Oh, that hurt.

“I’m done lying, Y/N. I was never good at it. You’re not either.” He hadn’t yelled at you, which surprised you. In fact, he seemed to have a level head on more than you did. “It wasn’t a mistake for me. I knew what I was doing. I get that you’re trying to hurt me because you’re mad and grieving.” He said that in such an annoying way that you could have smacked him again. “But I’m saying now what I should have said all those years ago. It meant something. It meant something then and I knew what would happen if I went through with it the other night and I chose to anyway.” Liu was going to kill you at this rate. You were just going to drop dead. “Maybe I needed to feel something other than angry and sad. Maybe I thought I should try and undo something I regretted.”

Why was he so level-headed? Why, in this moment, had he managed to keep back his temper? If you could just yell at each other and hate each other it would be so much easier. But you didn’t hate him, you were torn between wanting to shake some sense into him and kiss him and it was so frustrating. Kissing him would only leave you more hurt but it seemed like the easier option too. You didn’t. You fought it, even if he seemed to be drawing closer. The tension of Liu Kang was so thick you could barely breathe.

“It was a mistake, Liu.” Your words were shaky but you tried to stand your ground. You’d beaten yourself up over this for too long and there he was, making it so much more complicated.

“Was it, Y/N? It didn’t feel like it was. It didn’t sound like it was.” His voice was low and serious and you felt your stomach twist into knots. “Look me in the eyes and tell me it was a mistake. That it was all a mistake. That it didn’t crush you when I said that all those years ago? That it had ever stopped being passionate between us even when we weren’t together. Tell me that. Look me in the eye and tell me that’s your truth and I will drop it.” He grasped your cheek and urged you to look him in the eyes.

You tried.

You couldn’t.

You were going to burst into tears at this rate and then he’d hold you and kiss you and you’d end up making this even more complicated and you couldn’t do that. Not right now. Not when he’d taken everything you’d known as truth and thrown it out the window. “I’m grieving Kung Lao and...” You couldn’t finish it. You couldn’t because it had never been a mistake to you back then. He was the one who had drawn the line in the sand. You’d just believed what he’d wanted you to believe for Kung Lao’s sake. And the other night was not something you remembered. There were only flashes of hot and sweaty lovemaking and all that version of you had felt was pleasure. Liu pulled his hand back and sighed.

“Figures that you would honor his memory more than think about yourself. He’d remind you that you were a terrible liar.”

You wiped your eyes as they betrayed you with tears and struggled to find words that didn’t involve crying or sobbing. You didn’t want to cry in front of him, damnit. You didn’t want to cry because of him. “This isn’t fair. It isn’t fair, Liu Kang. You can’t just… I can’t take much more.”

“I’m not trying to mess with your head, Y/N. I’m not trying to hurt you. You feel guilty but you don’t have any reason to. You think I don’t feel guilty? It’s eating me up. But we owe it to ourselves, don’t we? To figure it out?”

“Why are you being like this? Why now? Why?” You wiped furiously at your eyes. Stupid tears. You were so tired of your eyes being puffy and painful all the time. Stupid Liu Kang and his stupid emotions and his stupid whirlwind of honesty and misplaced anger. Stupid Kung Lao, dying and leaving you to deal with this. Stupid Raiden not sending you alone.

“I think that you turned down Kung Lao’s proposal because you were worried that maybe you still had feelings for me and had to figure that out first.”

That was the last straw. You broke.

You hated that it was partially true. You’d never stopped being attracted to him and that had become painfully obvious. What a selfish reason it had been to turn down the love of a man who had been dedicated to you and you alone. You swore that your heart was shutting down, it was beating so hard. He had you confused. Was that part of the reason? You didn’t know because you hadn’t been given the chance to figure it out. The truth was that you probably would have married Kung Lao. You would have talked about your plans for the future, what he saw of it, what you saw of it, and then accepted his proposal. You hadn’t turned it down because you didn’t love him. You had turned it down because you’d needed to talk. You were less spontaneous than Kung Lao had been. The only reason he’d needed was love and you’d needed to know more details. That was it. Liu Kang was making you overthink in ways you hadn’t in years.

“I can’t do this.” You stood and Liu grabbed your arm before you could leave. His fingers brushed down your wrist and to your hand and he gave you a look as if begging you to stay. It was killing you.

“We can’t avoid this forever.”

“I let you have your time to process this bullshit, Liu Kang and you are going to let me have mine.” He didn’t let you go. His grip tightened on your hand as if afraid to let you walk away, as if you would never come back. “Liu Kang?”

“Don’t go, Y/N.”

“You will let go of me right this instant.” You avoided his eyes. “You have ignored my feelings in favor of yours for long enough tonight. Let me go.”

Liu’s grip tightened but then he very suddenly let go and turned away with a bow of his head. “Of course, Y/N.”

The panic as you marched back inside the cabin and sat down on the couch was killing you. You held your head in your hands. What were you supposed to do with this? You had to calm down, first and foremost. Thankfully, Liu didn’t follow you inside and you had some peace and quiet but your thoughts weren’t much better than his argument had been.

You’d fucked up.

It would have been so much easier if neither one of you felt anything. It would have been easier if he had been as drunk as you had been. It would have been easier if you could continue believing that it really had meant nothing. It had never meant nothing to you. It had crushed you and taken you months to recover from that sadness with no one to talk to about it. You may not have remembered the other night but you remembered him from all those years ago.

The hot nights, the times you’d spent devoted to each other’s bodies, tangled up in his sheets or in yours. He’d made you feel sexy and forbidden, something beyond desire that no one else had ever made you feel. You hated those memories for so long that it was hard to feel any way other than that.

You loved Kung Lao.

But would you have even gotten the chance to if Liu Kang hadn’t said what he’d said? You had this connection, this fire that you couldn’t put out even after years of letting it simmer down. Even now when you’d fought, you had known that if you didn’t get out of there then you would have given into that passion, that instinct. What a mess of a human being you were. You curled up on the couch and this time you didn’t pull your bag close to you. You couldn’t think about Kung Lao when you were like this.

Next Chapter >>

[acraftedmistake]

A Person Who Has Never Played MCSM Writes A Story About MCSM Chp. 18

Jesse stared at his breakfast. He hasn’t touched it. It was pancakes. He loved pancakes, but he wasn’t hungry. He hasn’t been hungry for a while. Everything looked so unappetizing. Everything’s been making him sick.

His friends were all around him, talking to each other as they ate their breakfast, but he wasn’t paying attention.

The Gatherings have been ruining his sleep. He used to hate being dragged to the shrine so late in the day, he hated forcing himself to stay awake as the Visions spoke, he hated giving them so much of his time and energy, but now? He’s adjusted to it. And he hates it. He’ll find himself lying wide awake in bed, staring at the ceiling or squeezing his eyes shut, trying to fall asleep so he doesn’t drift off in the middle of the night, making his friends worry again.

Some nights he’ll be absolutely exhausted. He’ll stay up all evening, his mind and body begging for him to sleep, but whenever he’d finally slip into bed, he’d be wide awake.

Anytime his friends questioned him about it, wondering if there was anything going on, Jesse would tell them he’s been having nightmares. He wasn’t completely lying. The days he could fall asleep, he’d dream of Lukas. He’d always try to get close to him, but something would always pull him away. He’d try to cry out and run towards him, to hug him, but something would hold Jesse back, and Lukas could never hear him. Sometimes he’d watch Lukas get dragged into the ground, or ripped apart by the members of The Awakening, and there was nothing he could do.

Other times his dreams would be another friend. Aiden disappearing and never being seen again, Gill getting impaled, Cassie burning in the Nether, Olivia falling…

Then there’d be the dreams about himself.

They’d start out so normal, he’d believe he was actually awake. He’d be downstairs with his friends, talking, maybe Hadrian and Mevia came over, then someone would brush their hand against his neck. He’d never comment on it, he wouldn’t even notice it at first. Then another would run their fingers through his hair, hold his shoulders, an arm would wrap around him and hold him close to whoever was nearby until more and more hands were feeling around him, like they were searching for something on him. In him. They’d keep touching him, trying to pry his hands open to hold them, they’d tear his clothes and search his skin, and Jesse would be trying so hard to escape that he wouldn’t notice the living room had distorted into the shrine.

There’d come a point where the hands were feeling all around him, and he couldn’t do a thing. Just let them feel him. He hated the fingers crawling across his skin, he hated the warmth of the palms on his face, he hated the touching, he hated--

“What do you think, Jesse?” Olivia asked.

Jesse blinked. He tore his eyes away from the food and looked at Olivia. She looked back, plate in her hands as she waited for his response.

Jesse quickly glanced at his food then back to her, “It’s good! Thanks.”

Olivia frowned, nose scrunching up as she walked past Jesse and into the kitchen.

“You can ask me to repeat myself, you know.” She said, placing her dirty dish in the sink.

“Yeah, sorry.” He gave a crooked smile, “What was the question?”

“I was saying how weird it is that The Awakening’s been attacking our house less.” She turned on the water and started scrubbing. “I mean, not that I’m complaining! I just think it’s odd, you know?”

“They just threw a couple’a rocks and vandalized it a bit, I wouldn’t really call them ‘attacks’.” Aiden said, laying across the couch while Cassie sat on whatever space was left, eating her pancakes.

Stella stood behind the couch with her arms folded, “Oh, and I suppose the time they tried to set our house on fire was also a minor inconvenience?”

“I mean, to be fair, they didn’t really get too far with that. Gill found them while getting the mail and they didn’t even make smoke.” Cassie commented before taking another forkful of her breakfast, syrup and fruit spilling off the plate.

Stella’s mouth hung open, “They still tried to set our house on fire!”

“Could’ve been making s’mores.” Maya added from the armchair with a mouth full of food.

“Oh, stop!” Stella sounded frustrated, but everyone could see the grin on her face. Cassie and Aiden laughed.

No one was really sure if it was actually Awakening members targeting them. With the exception of the men who tried to burn their house down, they’ve never seen who was breaking their windows, marking their house, or mailing them strange, broken relics, but who else had such a burning hatred towards them? It was obvious to them all.

“Let’s be real here, they were clearly intimidated by how strong I am.” Aiden smirked as he flexed his arm.

“Oh really?” Olivia raised her brows.

“Maybe it’s got somethin’ to do with Lukas.” Gill said, sitting back down beside Jesse at the bar table with his third helping of pancakes. He peeked up from his plate and saw how everyone’s smiles dropped. He shrunk, face turning red.

He cut into his cakes, looking away, “Sorry. Didn’t mean to ruin th’mood.”

Everyone was silent for a moment, unsure of what to say next.

Maya spoke up, “He could be right. After we had his funeral, they’ve been slowing down.”

“That is a good point.” Olivia kept her head down as she turned the sink off, “It’s only been some months, but I’ve noticed it too.”

“Maybe they got what they wanted.” Gill picked at his food. He ruined his own appetite.

“Maybe.” Jesse mumbled.

His fingers twitched on the table top, his food was getting more repulsive by the second as a nauseous feeling rose in his stomach. The world began to blur again, and his friends’ voices faded, until all that was left was his thoughts.

This was his fault, wasn’t it?

Maybe the attacks did have something to do with Lukas. Or maybe The Awakening saw Jesse as an actual member. Maybe they didn’t want to attack another member’s home now that he was on ‘their’ side. Why would The Awakening suddenly stop targeting them after one of their enemies ‘disappeared’? Why wouldn’t they go for more? Why wouldn’t they keep trying to tear their home apart?

Jesse stared at his friends. If The Awakening was slowing their attacks because of him, then it’d be best if he drew out his stay, wouldn’t it?

He failed to find out about Lukas. He failed to get information, but if staying for a bit longer meant it protected his friends, then that’s what he’ll do.

He can’t stay forever. He knows he can’t. He doesn’t want to, but he can’t just suddenly leave. What if the attacks worsened? What if they come back stronger than before? What if another one of his friends got taken? It’d be his fault. He’d never forgive himself.

He needed to slowly leave. Bit by bit. One day he’ll arrive a little late to a Gathering, the next he’ll claim he’s sick, and eventually he’ll leave and never look back. He’ll find a way out. There’s always a way out.

There was also that bit of fear, the bit of worry that after he leaves, a member in Obsidian Town will find him. They’ll make a scene. They’ll keep asking him over and over why he wasn’t coming back, and then they’ll spill everything to his friends. They’ll tell them everything. Then his friends will hate him.

What would they think of him? How would they react?

They’d never forgive him. They’d all be so sickened and--and they’d turn him away. They would never look at him again, they’d never trust him again. Aiden, Maya, Olivia, everyone would hate him. They can’t know about this. He can’t tell them. Not yet, maybe not ever. Not until he finds a way out. There’s always a way out. There’s always a way. There’s always a way--

“Hey, are you feeling alright?”

Jesse’s eyes widened and he shot his head to the side. Olivia was sitting beside him, a worried expression on her face.

“You look pale.” She mumbled.

“Yeah, I’m fine!” Jesse lied with a smile. “Just a bit tired.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

“Hopefully we didn’t wake anyone up.” Jess mumbled as he picked up the fallen books. He and Olivia have been spending all afternoon trying to block off the windows and the backdoor. They were trying to adjust the bookshelf, but one thing led to another, and now there’s books everywhere.

“Again, I am so sorry.” Olivia said, hurriedly placing the books back onto the shelf. Why did she even suggest moving the shelf in the first place? It was fine where it was before, but no, she thought it’d be better to push it around and press it against the window. She’d slap herself if her hands weren’t full right now.

Jess slid a few books back into place, “Hey, these things happen. I’m just glad you didn’t get crushed.”

Barricading the first floor has been mostly trial and error. At first they thought it’d be best to block the living room’s window with the armchair and the coffee table placed in front of it, while the backdoor was blocked by the bookshelf. However, Olivia pointed out how easy it would be to push the armchair out of the way--along with the fact that Aiden and his friends might want to access their backyard--so they had to rearrange. Now, they’ve put one of the dining table’s chairs against the backdoor’s knobs, they moved the bookshelf across the floor for the second time, and after they finish picking up all these books, they’ll move the armchair in front of the shelf and finally be done.

Jess grabbed the last book and approached the shelf.

Olivia’s hands were on her hips, she skimmed the hundreds of titles before turning to Jess, “These weren’t placed in alphabetical order, were they?”

“I… Hope not? You know what?” Jess shoved the book into a random spot, “Nothing wrong with changing things up. They’ll be fine. Why don’t we move that chair over and call it a day?”

The two got to it. They pulled the armchair across the living room’s rug, pushed it against the bookshelf, then stood back to get a good look at their work.

Jess smiled, “Gotta say, moving the shelf over here was a good idea. Nice thinkin’!”

Olivia smiled back. She was about ready to plop herself onto the couch and let her aching body rest, but then she noticed the front door from the corner of her eye. It was still unprotected.

Jess watched her move closer to it, studying it.

“Thinking of blocking that too?” He tilted his head.

“Perhaps. We could just use another chair…” She tapped her chin, thinking to herself before her eyes lit up, “Or we could make an intruder system!”

They didn’t have to make it, of course, but Olivia hasn’t worked on a single contraption since she’s been here. She’s so used to having a little side project to keep her busy in her spare time, but in this universe she’s had nothing.

“We don’t want to make it impossible for Aiden and his friends to leave the house, and we hardly have any redstone to work with…” She started pacing back and forth, playing with a strand of her hair as she thought out loud. “Maybe if we make a pressure plate, a trapdoor, and tripwire, it’d be enough to work with. We don’t want anything elaborate.”

Jess took a few more steps back, trying to envision what Olivia’s trap would look like.

“We could make a dispenser! Oh, we could place it over there,” He pointed right beside the shelf, “And--and maybe we could have it fire some arrows! I bet Stella and Gill wouldn’t mind lending us a few!”

“Sure, but I don’t know if they’d let us use the little redstone they have for a dispenser. I’m also afraid that we’ll end up shooting the others.” Olivia had also remembered Cassie hadn't returned from the Nether yet. The last thing she wanted to do was welcome back Cassie Rose with an arrow to her leg.

“Ah, it’s just a few arrows.” Jess said jokingly.

Olivia rolled her eyes, “Either way, I don’t know how effective a dispenser would be if it can’t tell the difference between us and the intruders. Could you imagine if we--”

A sudden knock caused the two to jump back and scatter in different directions.

Jess hid behind the bookshelf. He peeked over and saw Olivia looking right back at him from behind the bar table.

“Why are you over there?” He whisper-shouted.

Olivia sputtered, genuinely baffled over his question, “The same reason you’re hiding over there!” The knocking didn’t scare her too much, it was Jess suddenly taking off that frightened her.

“Sorry, sorry, I was all caught up in the ‘intruder’ thing. Didn’t want us getting spotted, you know?” Jess said. There was another knock.

“But why would an intruder knock on the door?” Olivia asked.

The two blushed, realizing how ridiculous they were being, and stepped out from their hiding spots.

Jess crept closer to the door, leaning forward and peering into the eyehole. The glass had smudges on it, making it tricky to figure out who was on the other side, but he perked up when he recognized that familiar shade of green.

Jess unlocked and swung the door open, a big smile on his face, “Hey, Radar!”

Jess was about to ask why Radar was dropping by, if he wanted to come inside, but he started to see the panic rise, and before he had the chance to reassure Radar, Olivia grabbed his arm and yanked him aside.

“That’s Jess! Jess! Not your Jesse!” Olivia exclaimed.

Radar was clenching his jaw, hugging onto his clipboard, doing whatever he could to hold back his scream. He was probably seconds away from making a run for it.

Olivia clasped her hands together, “We are so sorry about that, we didn’t expect you coming over so early, and--and do you need me to get you something? Water?”

Radar put a finger up, trying to speak, but all that came out was shaky, unfinished sentences.

“I’ll, uh… We’ll give you a moment.” She gave him a small smile, he nodded in return.

She stepped aside, dragging Jess along with her before setting him in place.

“Jess, you can’t just jump out at him like that!” She went off, “You know how he reacts around you, you should know this by now!”

“I know, I know, I’m sorry! I got excited, I wasn’t thinking, I didn’t mean to scare him!” He threw his hands up. He really didn’t. He just got so happy seeing a friendly face after everything that’s happened that he could hardly contain himself.

What was Radar doing here at this time anyways? It’s 6PM, that’s like the crack of dawn for him, isn’t it?

“I understand, but please, you need to slow down. He’s… He gets on edge.” Olivia wouldn’t say it directly, but her tone said it loud and clear. Radar’s afraid of him. It doesn’t matter how nice Jess is, Radar can’t look at him without seeing the other, horrible Jesse.

“I…” Jess started slowly, “I could apologize, but…” He hesitated. Olivia held his hands and lowered them.

“I can apologize for you.” She said, “I think it’d be best if you weren’t... In his view.”  She let go of him and hugged herself, “I know you mean well. I’m sorry.”

“No, you’re right. It’s the least I can do for him.” He glanced at the door, “I’ll sit way back in the living room, hopefully that’ll be outta sight for him.”

Olivia watched Jess walk away before going back to Radar, “Hey again, Jess is really sorry about scaring you.”

Radar was fixing the sleeves of his suit, he was still a bit pale, but seemed much better than he was moments before, “It’s--it’s quite alright. I was caught off guard, that's all.”

“Do you want to come inside?” She wasn’t sure if she was allowed to let other people in, but it’s Radar, he’s friends with everyone else.

“Actually, something had happened yesterday and I… I’d like to talk to Aiden. Is he awake? Or Maya? Stella? I need to talk to them, please.” He fixed his posture and placed his arms behind his back.

“Oh, sure! I can get them for you. I’ll be right back.” She nodded before rushing off.

“He needs Aiden.” She told Jess as she passed him.  

Olivia hurried up the stairs and turned to the left. She knocked on Aiden’s door, saying his name, making sure not to be too loud. She didn’t want to wake up the others. Though if Aiden didn’t respond, she wouldn’t really have any other choice.

“Come in…” A tired voice called out.

Olivia stepped inside and found Aiden sprawled all over his bed. His legs hung over the edge, sticking out from the blanket that bundled up the rest of his body. His pillow was on the ground beside some dirty clothes and torn papers, so he rested his head on an open journal, where the ink of his latest entry was smeared across the pages.

Aiden raised his head slightly, eyes half closed and hair an absolute mess, “Hey, Liv, whaddaya need?”

Olivia raised her brows at the nickname, but decided not to comment on it.

“Radar stopped by, he needs to talk about something.”

Aiden pushed himself up, his bed shifting and groaning, “Sure, sure, gimme a few… I’ll be right there.” He started combing his hair with his hand.

“You got it.” Olivia quietly left his room and tip-toed down the steps. She got back to the first floor and peaked at Radar, “He’ll be down in a minute!” She told him.

Radar waited outside while Jess sat in the back corner of the living room, flipping through one of the many cookbooks. Olivia decided to join Jess and scanned the recipes with him; she wasn’t sure how Radar felt around her. It’s safest to stay out of his way. She didn’t want to make him stressed.

Aiden soon joined the two downstairs, yawning, adjusting his green top, but stopped when he saw the new arrangement of the living room. He slowly studied the room as he walked towards the entrance, kind of nodding to himself as he took mental notes on the layout.

“Hey Radar, come in.” He opened the door wider.

Radar cautiously stepped inside, scanning the room, “I see you’ve done some… Redecorating.”

“Yup.” Aiden yawned, leaning against the door, closing it. “So what’s up? Don’t mind you comin’ over, but it’s pretty early, even for you.”

“I apologize, but I couldn’t sleep after what I saw yesterday.” Radar fidgeted with his pen, “It’s about Jesse.”

That woke Aiden up.

Radar continued, “I saw him run past my windows. He wasn’t armed, but I know he’s a threat regardless. Were you awar--”

“Yes.” Aiden cut in, “He broke in yesterday.”

“He did?” Radar whispered, eyes widening. “He… Did he…?” He waited for Aiden to tell him more, to explain what happened, but Aiden stood stiffly, facing away.

“Sir, what happened? Did someone get hurt, did you find out why--”

“I don’t want to talk about this.” The aggression in his tone threw Radar off.

Aiden turned away and started heading towards the kitchen, leaving Radar shocked. Jess and Olivia watched from the side.

No.

Jess wasn’t going to let this happen. Aiden’s not getting off that easily.

He shot up from his seat, “If you won’t tell him what happened, I will!”

Aiden and Radar whipped their heads around; a determined and angered look in Jess’ eyes.

“Jess, listen--” Aiden started defensively, “what happened yesterday was out of my control. I didn’t know any of that was going to happen! I just… I wanna move on and find a way to make it up to the others.”

“Move on?” Olivia repeated, “Aiden, it was your fault it happened in the first place! I know you feel bad but--but--have you even apologized to your friends yet?”

Aiden threw his arms out, “I just woke up--!”

“Aiden!” Olivia folded her arms.

“Hold on a moment! Please! Please stop!” Radar stomped his foot down. “Sir, what do they mean it’s ‘your fault’?” He could hardly believe his ears, and seeing Aiden’s guilty expression was making the sinking feeling in his stomach worse.

Aiden stepped back, he bit his lip as everyone watched him, “I lied to Jesse, okay? Remember when I had to get Olivia’s hat back? I told him Stella was looking for it. I couldn’t let him know they were here, or that we somehow found what was left of Olivia. He’d be crushed ”

Radar’s pupils were pinpricks. He didn’t know whether to be scared or repulsed.

“Sir…” He said in a hush, “What--I--I don’t understand why you would do such a thing!”

Radar felt himself shake, he didn’t know if it was because of fear or fury, but he couldn’t make it stop, “Why would you lie? Why would you do that to our friends? To secure the feelings of that--that maniac?!”

Aiden and Radar were going back and forth, neither of them bothering to keep their voices low at this point. Jess and Olivia could hear footsteps coming down the steps, and out came Stella--who froze at the sight of her two friends arguing.

“I’m just trying to help Jesse and everyone else! Things just got out of hand, I didn’t know that was going to happen!” Aiden argued.

“Jesse’s done nothing to prove that he wants your help! All he’s been doing is hurting people and helping The Awakening! He needs to be straightened out first, he needs to get better, even YOU know that!” Radar raised his voice. The main reason Radar and his friends were able to convince Aiden to put Jesse into prison in the first place was because he understood Jesse was a danger to everyone, including himself! Did Aiden think Jesse would somehow become more reasonable the moment he stepped out of his cell!?

A part of Radar feared something like this would happen. He and the others knew all too well how Aiden felt towards Jesse, how he wanted to ‘make it up’ to him, but at what cost?! Radar knows Aiden wants to give him a second chance, he gets that, he does! Aiden and his friends even gave him a second chance. But why… Why did Aiden have to do this?

“How could you put that deranged man’s feelings over your own friends' lives!? He’s horrible! Vile!” Radar snapped.

Radar kept arguing, he kept talking, but Aiden stopped. Aiden stopped listening to Radar. All he did was stare. An anger he’s never felt before was building up inside him. He didn’t shout, he didn’t talk back, he only stared.

Aiden felt his hands curl into fists.

What gave Radar the right to lecture him? To berate Jesse? To act like he knew this situation better than him? That he understood the hardships? How did Radar react when Jesse came around? What did Radar do to help Jess and Olivia? Did he try collecting the items? Try talking to Jesse? Did he try to help them? No. No, all he did was panic, ramble about The Awakening, and cry. He doesn’t get what Aiden’s been through. Jess and Olivia, the stress of The Awakening, Jesse, his friends being furious at him… Radar doesn’t understand a thing.

Aiden stepped closer.

You think out of all the people in this situation, Radar would be the one most willing to try and help Jesse, but no, all he does is accuse Jesse of being ‘ruined’ by The Awakening. Did Radar think having experiences with The Awakening meant he knew everything that’s going on in Jesse’s mind?

He took another step.

Aiden’s been trying to help Jesse for so long, and all he gets are lectures like he’s some damn child. Why? Because he wants to help? To make things better? To get his friend back?

He grew closer.

Radar noticed just how close Aiden was getting. He saw the look in his eyes; he wore an expression Radar's never seen on him before. He saw how stiffly Aiden moved towards him. His eyes darted down to Aiden's hands. They were curled into tight fists; their knuckles white. He hesitantly took a step back.

“Sir, that’s enough.”

Aiden didn’t respond.

Radar took another step back, “Please we… We can’t do this silent treatment right now. Not with something like this!”

Jess and Olivia got to their feet, calling Aiden’s name, but he wasn’t listening. Stella ran back up the stairs. Jess tried to pull Aiden away, but he hardly budged.

Radar felt his back hit the wall.

“This--this isn’t funny!”

Aiden didn’t care.

Radar watched with terror in his eyes. His mind was begging for him to run. He can run. Why isn’t he running. His heart was pounding, he needed to escape, but his body wouldn’t listen. All he could do was watch.

Brenner stepped closer.

The world was starting to spin. Radar shrunk down. Everything was blurring together. His eyes darted around, desperately searching for something, anything familiar. He could make out the vague silhouettes of people, columns, benches. People. There were so many. There’s so many people. Why are they looking at him. Why aren’t they helping. Why are they watching.

They’re on him.

Their eyes are on him.

He can feel them.

He felt the palm of his hands press against the cold wood of the stage. Sweat dribbled down his face as the heat of the redstone torches grew stronger. He could hear the creaking of the floorboards as Brenner came closer. His shadow looming over him.

Radar curled in on himself, shielding his eyes from the people, from the Vision, but he could still feel the eyes. The rows upon rows of benches filled with members, their faces filled with disgust, disappointment, and betrayal. He tried to keep his eyes on the ground. Only the ground. Anytime he’d peek up he’d see flashes of the shrine’s old columns, the carvings, the red glow that consumed the room, the eyes.

Why was he here?

Why was he here?

How did he get here? He shouldn’t be here. Why was he here. He shouldn’t be here. He shouldn’t be here.

Radar hugged himself, trembling as tears spilled down his face. Please. Please he’ll do anything. Please forgive him. Please, it’ll never happen again. Let him be safe. He didn’t mean to run away. He won’t leave again. He’s so sorry. Please.

Brenner raised his arm.

Aiden was suddenly jerked back. He stumbled and looked behind. Maya was gripping onto his shoulder, glaring.

“What the hell are you doing?” Her grip tightened.

Aiden slowly blinked. He turned his head to Radar, who was on the floor, nails digging into his skin as he sobbed, apologizing over and over.

“I don’t…” He started, but his words fell apart. What was he doing?  

He stared at his hands then back to Radar. He wasn’t even thinking. He scared him. He scared his own friend.

“Radar…” Aiden tried to kneel down and comfort him, but Radar flinched and hid his face.

Maya pulled Aiden away, her glare unwavering.

Aiden didn’t know what to say. He couldn’t defend himself. There wasn’t any excuse. He… He made Radar break down. He ruined him. He felt like he was going to vomit.

“Radar, can you hear me?” Maya said carefully, letting go of Aiden.

She took slow steps, barely being able to make out his apologies and pleas. “Do you know this place? Do you know where you are?”

Radar shook his head. He couldn’t tear his hands away from his eyes. People were staring at him. He hated the eyes. He hated them.

Maya sat down, the floor groaning under her weight, “You’re in the living room.” Jess, Olivia, Stella, and Aiden watched from afar as she continued, “You’re in our house, in the living room. There’s a shelf nearby, we still got all those books you gave us as a thank you gift, the armchair’s leaning, the kitchen is nearby, your friends are here. You’re not in a shrine, you’re nowhere near one. You’re safe. Nothing can hurt you here.”

Aiden sharply inhaled hearing those last words. His heart ached.

Radar’s breathing was finally slowing. They were still shaky, but they were slowing. With a trembling hand, he felt around for his glasses, which Maya helped him find.

He lifted his head off the ground, his face red, hair ruined, and eyes puffy. He scanned the room as he put his glasses back on. His vision was blurry with tears, but he could make out the colors of Maya, Aiden, and Stella.

“I… I… I need…” He hiccuped, “T… To g--go… Go to…”

“Deep breaths. Take your time.”

Radar inhaled, “Y… Your ro… Your room… Pl… Please. Please.”

“Course you can go. I don’t mind.” Maya was about ready to help Radar to his feet, but Radar had already gotten up and made a run for it, leaving his clipboard, pen, and friends behind. They could hear his steps hitting the boards above, then Maya’s door slamming shut.

It didn’t take long for another set of steps to come downstairs. Gill came in, his injured shoulder banaged, with a confused expression on his face, “Was that Radar?”

Maya sat on the floor for a moment, nodding slowly. Her quiet breaths turned heavy as she stood back up, gritting her teeth, trying to hold back her fury towards Aiden, her pain for Radar. She and Stella stormed over to Aiden and didn’t waste another second. Stella raised her voice, demanding to know what was he thinking--what was WRONG with him?! And each word Maya hissed out hurt Aiden more than the last. Aiden didn’t try to argue--what could he even say? He could barely process his own actions.

The girls were tearing into Aiden, Gill tried to settle everyone down despite being completely lost, while Jess had his eyes on the stairs. There was a tugging feeling in his chest.

He needed to go to Radar.

He had to check on him. He’d never forgive himself if he didn’t.

Jess was about to take off, but Olivia pulled him back.

“Where are you going?!” Olivia asked, getting the others’ attention.

“I gotta--I need to make sure Radar’s okay!” It didn’t matter if it was ‘his’ Radar or not, he hated seeing him--seeing anyone--like that.

“Jess, he’s scared of you!”

“I know, but--” Jess shook his head, “He’s still a person!” He slipped out of her grasp and rushed up the steps. He heard footsteps from behind. His eyes flickered over his shoulder and saw Maya, a scowl and a frigid glare on her face. He didn’t know if she was angry at everything going on or just at him, but she looked mad.

When Jess reached the top, he skidded to halt and quickly turned around, “Maya!” He said through quick pants, “Please--Please don’t stop me. I just… I need to check on him, please!”

“I’m not gonna stop you.” Maya’s brows lowered, “I want to be there for him too. I know you mean well. You can try to talk to him, but I’m gonna be standing by. To be safe.” Her shoulders slouched. She didn’t sound too sure of her decision, but she couldn’t back down from it now.

Jess nodded. There was that part of him that knew he could make things worse. That he could make Radar worse, even if he wanted to do something good. The mere thought of it was already forming a lump in Jess’ throat.

He walked down the hall, Maya followed behind, her long pajama pants dragging across the floor. He didn’t even know where Maya’s room was, but he didn’t need to ask. He followed the sound of sobs, hiccups, and nonsense until they stopped in front of the door where the noise was loudest. Enough light was spilling through the cracks to illuminate a portion of the hall. They could see Radar’s quivering shadow; he was sitting against the door.

The two could barely make out what he was saying. Mumbles of reassurance and descriptions of Maya’s room were merging together.

Maya leaned against the wall and motioned her head, urging Jess to take the next step.

Jess swallowed and extended his arm. He knocked on the door.

“Radar?” He pressed his head against the wood, “Are you doing okay?”

Radar’s rambling stopped. Jess could hear his loud, uneven breaths.

“N… Ye--Yes. I’ll be fine.” He stuttered, “I need--I need to collect myself. I’m sorry you… I’m sorry you saw… You saw me like that.”

“What? No, Radar, you have nothing to apologize for.” Jess said, “What Aiden did back there was horrible. I’m sorry he did that to you. I’m glad Maya was there to help us just in time.” He gave Maya a small grin.

Radar mumbled a weak ‘Yes’, and it was silent for a moment.

Jess’ hands rested against the door, “Do you… Do you wanna talk? It doesn’t have to be about this, we can talk about anything. And--and I know you’re not all that comfortable around me, so I can get one of your friends if you’d like!”

“We can. We can talk.” Radar’s frightened tone didn’t reassure Jess, “I left… I left my clipboard. They’re not here. Talking is… It’s better.”

“I could get them for you--”

Radar cut in, “No, no. No, I want to. I want to talk. Please. Please, I want someone.”

“Alright. I’m not going anywhere. I’m staying right here.” Jess sat on the floor, “What’s been on your mind?”

“I had--I had to turn all the lights on. It’s such a waste. I’m wasting it all.” Radar sniffled, “Maya will hate me.”

“Hey, don’t say that. Maya’s not gonna hate you for using her lights. Has she gotten mad about that before?” Jess tried to steer the talk to a more positive light. Anything to get Radar’s mind to a better place.

“No. No, she hasn’t.”

“See?” Jess smiled softly, “Do the lights help you calm down? Do you not like the dark--?”

“No.” If only Jess could see how wide Radar’s eyes were.

“Is it…” Jess paused, thinking carefully about his next words, “Is it because of… The group?”

“Yes, and--and it’s ridiculous!” Radar banged his head against the door, making Jess and Maya jump. “It’s childish, it’s been--it’s been years! How incompetent am I!? It’s been half--it’s been--it’s been nearly five years, and I’m behaving like a child!” Radar pulled on his hair. He’s acting worse than a child. He’s an adult crying over the past. How can he behave like this? It’s embarrassing. It’s unforgivable.

“No, no it’s not!” Jess exclaimed. Maya was about ready to step in. “People have different reactions to these situations! To memories--heck! I can get real defensive and snappy! It’s okay! It’s not… It doesn’t make you incompetent. Don’t tell yourself that.”

Radar stopped thrashing. He had to. He didn’t want to hurt himself.

He did what he could to steady his breaths, slowly letting go of his hair, “I’m sorry.”

“You got nothing to apologize for.” Jess said. Maya was still standing straight, still on edge, not taking her eyes off her room.

“I don’t think it matters how long ago it was.” Jess brought his knees to his chest, “It still affects you. Something could’ve happened years ago, and even when you think you’ve moved past it, it comes back.” He stared at the floor, thinking of the Witherstorm. Thinking of the countless stormy nights where he laid wide awake in bed, too afraid that if he were to drift off to sleep, his friends would get taken and the world would wither away. He thought about Sky City, about the White Pumpkin, the Games, the Admin. He’s been through so much, he’s faced  and defeated so many enemies, he’s become the mayor of an entire town, yet he’s terrified at the sound of thunder.

“I don’t know how or when you joined that… That group, but they hurt you. They’re still hurting you, and I’m sorry for what they’ve done.” Jess hugged his knees.

It was silent for a minute. Radar took off his glasses, being careful with the tape holding onto one of the hinges, and rubbed his eyes.

“You wouldn’t mind if… If I rambled, would you?”

“Hey, I’m here to listen.”

For a moment, Radar didn’t respond. He didn’t say anything else. Then, the doorknob clicked. He cracked it open and cautiously slipped his hand through.

Jess stared at it. Hesitantly, he reached forward and held onto Radar’s hand, and Radar gently squeezed back.

Maya took a step away, making sure she wasn’t in Radar’s sight.

“I joined after… After my mother’s death.” Radar said softly.

Jess’ mouth parted. A burning feeling filled his chest.

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be, it was years ago.” His voice quivered.

“You don’t gotta talk about this if you don’t want to.”

“It’s all that’s on my mind.”

Radar’s hand twitched in Jess’ grasp. He took a deep breath and slowly exhaled.

“I don’t remember who convinced me, I don’t think I ever knew them, but--but they were so nice.” Saying that out loud made Radar feel disgusting. Vile. “They were so nice, Jess. All of them. When… When I first came in, they all treated me so kindly, like we were already so close. Like I was a real member.” Radar vividly recalled the magic he experienced walking into the shrine for the first time. The decor, the liveliness, the friendly smiles. He remembered how bright and warm the shrine was despite being below ground. He remembered how everyone wanted to greet him, wanted to know him, how everyone was able to cheer him up and sympathize when he first stuttered on stage, he remembered it all.

“I know it’s--it sounds terrible. It is terrible, The Awakening’s done so many awful things, but they helped me. I--” Radar stopped. He tugged at his tie. It felt so tight. “I’m not sure if the care was ever genuine. Maybe… Maybe it was, or maybe it was a lie I fell for, but it was nice.” He paused, “Other members had experienced the same loss, or they had been left by loved ones, or some just… They wanted a friend.”

“And The Awakening was like a community for lonely people?” Jess mumbled.

“For anyone.” Radar replied. He heard Jess move around on the other side, getting into a more comfortable position. “Any one was welcomed. Citizens, guards, children, people came from all over. It was like a family. Everyone would come in, say hello, talk about their weeks, they’d all hug each other, and…” He swallowed, “If someone ever looked down, we’d all get close and offer our support.” Radar thought back to those moments and how… Unsettling they seemed now. He thought back to the moments he’d cry in the shrine, and how slowly, more and more members would surround him, letting him weep as they held onto him, hugging him, their hands on him as all he did was wept. Radar felt a shiver of discomfort run down his spine.

“Did you have any friends back there before Aiden and the others?” Jess asked.

Radar stopped.

“Just one.”

Jess waited for Radar to add on, but he didn’t want to.

“How long were you with The Awakening?”

“A few years,” Radar replied, “but it felt much longer than that. I always stayed after the Gatherings to speak with the Visions. I helped them--I loved helping them. Isn’t that awful?” Of course it was awful. He didn’t need Jess to tell him that. “Ce--Th--The friend and I, we always did what the Visions told us to do. We’d get so happy when they thanked us. I worked so hard for them, even when I knew how dangerous it was, I pushed myself.”

Radar thought back to the days where he stood before the Visions, proudly declaring his accomplishments, and how the Visions would praise him. Even the days where he’d return torn and bloody, the Visions didn’t care. They wouldn’t judge him. They wouldn’t scold him for getting blood on the shrine’s floors, they focused on him. His abilities. What he was capable of.

“I hardly know a thing about these Visions.” Jess spoke, “They’re the leaders, right?. Were they good? Well, nice? Nice to a point?”

“Until I left, yes.” His grip weakened, “They never cared about the trivial things. My height, my horrible vision, how weak I seemed, they couldn’t see it.”

“They’re blind?”

Radar nodded, “They are. They are.”

Radar’s lip quivered, “They always listened to me, they--they’d let me cry and--and--they’d give me guidance because they believed in me.” He tried to control himself, but tears were starting to spill from his eyes again, “No one’s ever told me that before. No one. They-th--they couldn’t see it. How happy it made me. No one ever believed in me.”

Memories of the Visions were pushed away as soon as they arose. From Mahlon’s kind words, Antonin’s uplifting spirits, and Brenner’s support, any ounce of positivity was pushed back inside the depths of Radar’s mind. That’s who they used to be. They don’t love him anymore, and he can’t love them. That’s not them anymore. He left them. He had to.

“I wanted to prove myself and--and prove that I was worth their time. I--I’d push myself and I was so terrible. I’m still so terrible.”

Jess tried to help him, “Radar, don’t say that--”

“You don’t understand! I miss them!” Radar cried out, pulling his hand out of Jess’, “I know it’s wrong, I know I--I shouldn’t, but I--I’ll… I’ll stay up some days and… And I’ll feel so awful for leaving. The Visions are disappointed and I left--I left--” He covered his face, “They all despise me. I shouldn’t--I shouldn’t care, they’re horrible! They don’t care about me! They hurt me and--and my friends, I shouldn’t miss them! I shouldn’t. I just--The thoughts come to me, and--and I think--I don’t want to think this way. I don’t want to think about them! I don’t want to!” His words devolved into sobs. 

“H… How… How selfish can I… Can I get?”

Jess and Maya listened to him sob on the other side. There was a pained expression on Maya’s face as all she could do was stare at the floor and listen.

Jess slowly looked up at Maya, blinking before turning back to Radar.

“Do… Do any of your friends know about this?”

Radar wiped his tears, speaking through gasps, “No, Heavens no. I could--I could never tell them about this--about any of this.”

“Radar, they’re your friends.” Jess said, “They’re here for you, they care about you.”

“I know.” Radar answered.

“If you can tell me, you can tell them, right?”

Radar shook his head, “It’s different with you.” He fixed his glasses, “You won’t be here forever. You’ll be leaving eventually. You’ll take all of this with you.” That sounded horrible, didn’t it? “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be.”

Radar opened his mouth, debating on whether to say his next words.

“I think… I think they hate me.”

Maya’s nails dug into her arms.

Before Jess could ask, Radar went on.

“They hate the Awakening. They hated me when I was a part of it--I--I don’t blame them, but I’m waiting.” Radar sounded so weak. Jess watched Radar’s hand slowly come back out of the crack.

“I’m waiting. One day they’ll… They’ll all tell me they’ve never liked me. They were just pretending to. Then they’ll finally leave, and I’ll never see them again.” His voice cracked, “How could they… Why would they accept me? How could they love someone like me?”

“Because they forgave you.” Jess gently moved his hand back on top of Radar’s, “Because you worked hard to change and get better, and they see that.” At least, that’s what Jess believed. He wasn’t there to witness any of this. He didn’t know what happened. He didn’t know what Radar went through or what he was like before. “If they didn’t like you, they would’ve said something, they would’ve made it clear, but from what I’ve seen, they care about you.” He wrapped his fingers around Radar’s hands, “I know we haven’t been around each other much, but you’re a good person, Radar. Anyone can see that.”

“Thank you.” Radar didn’t sound like he believed him.

Jess didn’t want to leave Radar like this.

“Is there anything I can do to help?”

“No, no. You listened. That’s all I could ask for. Thank you.”

“Of course.” Jess got to his feet, Radar’s hand gently slipping out of his. He moved slowly, trying to think of any way to make Radar feel better, to say one last positive thing, but nothing came to his mind. What a terrible feeling that filled him with.

Radar began to close the door again, but stopped when just a sliver remained.

“Please don’t tell the others about this.”

Jess and Maya locked eyes, “I won’t. Will you… Will you try to tell your friends eventually?”

“I’ll see.” His hands trembled at the thought, “I’ll rest and… And I’ll think about it. Thank you again.”

And with that, he closed the door.

Jess and Maya stared at it, listening to Radar’s steps grow farther, hearing the creaking of a bed, then silence.

Jess looked over to Maya, raising his hand slightly, wanting to say something, but she kept her head down and made her way to the stairs. Jess followed.

“He needs some time alone.” Maya muttered. Jess could hear the quiver in her voice. “I’m gonna talk with Aiden. I’ll check up on Radar in a few.”

Maya then stopped and leaned against the wall, rubbing her eyes, “Thanks for talkin’ to him, Jess. I mean it.”

[gopeachllama]

Someday, Nyx

well i guess beacuse i like to emotionally abuse myself i wrote this lil fic. i got the idea for it from a post i saw about baby nyx being named after rhys' little sister.

sorry for any typos and errors.

Fandom: A Court of Thorns and Roses by Sarah J Maas

Warnings: None

Word Count: 1660

Rhysand stared out into the open field before him as he bounced the restless babe in his arms. He supposed he was too. In the weeks leading up to this, he had tried desperately to postpone this day. Scheduling fruitless visits to Illyrian training camps and even the Gods-forsaken Hewn City, just to delay the inevitable. By reflex, Rhysand hid his increasing nerves under a mask of cool indifference but judging by the knowing smirks his brothers’ and Mor were sporting, he was failing spectacularly at that. Unsurprisingly, it was Cassian who decided he couldn’t wait any longer.

“Okay, that’s it. Hand Nyx over, Rhys.” Cassian stepped forwards and held out his arms awaiting.

Instinctively, Rhys’ hold on the child only tightened, and a soft snarl emerged from his throat, “back off, Cass.”

“Mother’s tits Rhys! We haven’t got all day.” He exasperated.

“Cassian,” Mor’s sharp interjection was softened by the ghost of a smile.

“Sorry,” Cassian had the decency to look ashamed, before sending the babe a saccharine smile, “I meant Mother’s hips.” He looked to Rhys’ expectantly again.

“You know, the winds today are stronger than I anticipated. Maybe we should do this tomorrow.” Pathetic. It was a pathetic excuse, and he knew it. But every time he thought about the little thing he held in his arms, flying clumsily, and exposed through the sky, he only further cemented his feet into the ground. The babe only grew more restless.

“Scared by a tiny, little breeze, High Lordling? See look, even Nyx is getting tired of your sh-stuff.” He coughed, before adding, softer this time, “it’s time, brother.”

Rhys just spat back, with more venom than he intended, “come any closer, you bastard, and I’ll rip your arms from their sockets.”

Cassian’s powerful wings rustled behind him, and Mor and Azriel tensed, cautious shadows gathering in near their feet. But to Rhys’ surprise, Cassian didn’t take the bait. He continued to stare unflinching at the agitated male, hazel eyes blazing, “Nyx is my sister too Rhys. Do you think I’d ever let anything happen to her?”

Rhys was startled. It was only because he remained dumbfounded by Cassian’s sudden seriousness, that he allowed his little sister to be lifted from his arms.

“Hello, Starlight.” His brother cooed, “are you ready to fly, darling?”

Nyx, the traitorous little thing, only gushed and prattled on delightfully in the way she always did when she was in Cassian’s arms. If it were any other situation, Rhys’ brotherly instincts would go into overdrive and he’d protest at the sight. But, for a moment, he could see it. He could see the way in which Cassian and Azriel and Mor watched over her, the steadiness in their gazes and the sureness of their movements. Yes, here, surrounded by her family, there was nowhere else in the world, that Nyx would be safer. Rhys' aggression instantly dissolved into guilt.

“I’m sorry, Cass.” He was. Truly. Without taking his eyes off the babe, his brother just nodded in understanding. Azriel stepped up to them this time and poked a scarred finger into her pudgy cheek.

“Can you show me how you move your wings, little one?” He asked the babe with a soft smile, flaring out his own wings as a demonstration. Even Rhys couldn’t help stop the smile that was forming on his face. A month ago, it was one of those rare nights that they were all together at the town house in Velaris, when war and politics were the furthest things from their minds. The three brothers began Nyx’s flying lessons by demonstrating the correct wing movement. The babe sat on the carpeted floor; head tipped back to look at the three imposing Illyrians towering over her.

“It’s like this, Starlight.” Rhys had demonstrated first, of course. With his back to her, he flared in and out, his large, membranous wings. His little sister, not intimidated in the least, simple marvelled at her older brother, her little wings motionless at her back.

“No, you prick,” Cassian had interrupted, pushing Rhys aside, “You have to do it like this!”. The second male went through his motions, but Nyx only laughed in glee and babbled incoherently, no doubt her encouragements for more.

“You’re doing the same Gods-damned thing I was doing, you brute!” Rhys had scowled, elbowing his way back into the baby’s line of attention.

“Both of you are idiots. Move.” Azriel had gone into the centre fold then. Cutting off the other two's muffled protests with his trademark cool demeanour. Not ten minutes later, Mor came bursting into the room. And when she took in the scene before her: the Prince of Darkness, the Lord of Bloodshed, and the Sypmaster, three terrible and awesome warriors she fought and killed beside, bickering and ruffling their wings like mad males, she had laughed herself hoarse. And soon, all four of them followed. Completely unaware, but utterly mesmerised by the sight of her family’s joy, baby Nyx’s happiness seemed to bleed into the rest of her body, and she fluttered those beautiful little wings at her back.

She was a quick study, but that was no surprise to anyone. When Rhys’ mother was still in the early weeks of her pregnancy, they were all shocked when their healer, Madja, told them the unborn child had wings. Shocked, because not even Rhysand, born with immense power that cautioned all the other High Lords, was born with wings. They knew then, that Nyx, still inside her mother’s belly, would be flying sooner that any normal Illyrian child. It still didn’t give him much comfort, however, the fact that they had been anticipating this day for an age before she was even born. To distract himself, Rhys, once again cast his gaze to his surroundings.

The day was so unlike the one just over a year ago. Rhysand’s mother was making preparation to go back to Velaris. Where she would spend the remaining month of her pregnancy, when the storm came in, vicious and unrelenting. The winds howled their protests, demanding to keep her in her cabin in the Illyrian mountains for the birth. And the very earth shook, like Ramiel Himself knew. Knew the way the Illyrians; lords, soldiers, and females alike, stopped to stare whenever they were near. Not to sneer at his mother’s untamed wings, but the life inside of her. Like the babe not yet born, was seasoned general, commanding everyone’s attention with her mere presence. Rhysand and his family knew it then, that like he, his little sister possessed power that none of them could possibly fathom. But in the way that he triumphed over night, perhaps she would command the sky itself.

And when labour came that very night, swift and far too many weeks early, they had no choice but to stay. His mother, Rhysand, Cassian, Azriel, Madja and her assistant. The High Lord’s son, had faced countless battles, had once been nailed to the ground by his wings, and forced to watch as his own soldiers were tortured. But never, had he felt such helplessness as he heard his mother’s cries of pain. Never, he had felt such fear as his mother bled and begged him to save his sister’s life no matter what. And when the child’s first wails pierced through the air, his mother still very much alive and crying from joy, all at once, the storm settled. Like Ramiel had let out a breath of relief, for the birth of their Illyrian princess.

So much had changed in the year that his little sister came into this world. In those first few weeks, when Rhys could barely keep himself away from her. When baby Nyx, still unaware of most things around her, kept absentmindedly reaching out a delicate, little hand towards him. For the first time in his centuries-old existence, he felt like he finally had something was truly his. His little sister. This innocent, pure little thing. Of all the horror he had seen and was for responsible for in his years, that he could be given such a precious gift, astounded him. Even his sanctimonious prick of a father, changed considerably. Rhys was never sure about his father’s feelings towards his son, and even though he was more than capable, he was too afraid to use his daemati gifts to look into his mind and find out. Not because Rhys was afraid his father didn’t love him. He was afraid that he did. That in his own callous, twisted way, he loved his son and that was how he showed it. Rhys swore to himself out of fear, that he would never turn out like him. And when his sister was born, he became fearful for a different reason. But it was different with Nyx. His father doted on her, though he never outwardly showed it. Rhys could sense the way his demeanour changed whenever she was around. The way his eyes melted when she would smile up at him with those endless violet eyes. His violet eyes. Rhys knew without a doubt his father loved his daughter, but for the first time, he wasn’t afraid.

Looking at her now, with eyes that resembled their father’s, alight with excitement, and the soft midday breeze ruffling through her wild, curly hair that resembled their mother’s. Rhysand could see the future as clear as the warm winter sunlight. He knew her true power would not lie in battle, but in making real change. He believed that this babe, who would someday grow into a strong, brilliant female, with Illyrian blood flowing through her veins and Illyrian wings to take her to the skies. Someday she could be a symbol for what was possible. Someday, they could ensure other females like her, can hear the songs of the wind. Someday, when he is High Lord of the Night Court, and she, the General Commander of the Illyrian armies. Together they could build a future that was good for all. Someday, Nyx. But today, she will learn how to fly.

~~~

I am so sorry for this. I don't know what kinda fucked up feelings i was in to conjure this but i was in dire need of some pre-acotar IC fics so i decided to make one myself.

Bonus: THINKNING ABOUT CASSIAN CALLING RHYS' BABY SISTER DARLING HAS ME SOBBING!!! HE IS SUCH A GIRLDAD YOU CAN'T CONVINCE ME OTHERWISE.

[onlysarah235678]

A Little Bit Part 3

Pairing: Billie Dean Howard x female reader

A/N:  So damn…this happened fast. I don’t really know what to say. Other than I’m obsessed with Billie Dean. Anyway, I hope you enjoy. This part has a lot more Billie in it so hopefully that’s a plus. ❤️

Warnings:  Brief mention of death. Otherwise, the normal gay panic and kitten cuteness.

When Billie Dean realized that Bit wasn’t going to take care of Mickey beyond occasionally feeding him, she took it upon herself to keep him warm. She’d sent you an update a while ago, but hadn’t heard back, so she was keeping Mickey with her at all times.

She still had things to do today, so she’d changed into more comfortable clothes, she’d had to dig around her closet for a while to find something appropriate for carting Mickey around. She’d eventually settled on a hoodie she hadn’t remembered keeping and made her way downstairs to work some more with Mickey wrapped in a smaller blanket, in her pocket. It wasn’t ideal and she’d have to take him back up at some point to try and nurse more, but for now she had to figure out what her week was going to look like.

She had talked to her assistant, Michelle, about finding a more suitable pet sitter. She needed them to take care of Mickey like she was now. It was a pain, but she needed to find someone who would actually do it. She was willing to pay however much she needed to until he was out of the woods. Hopefully that wouldn’t be too long, but finding someone meant she could focus on work again.

She had just finished 2 months of filming in Europe for her show. She was tired and glad to be home. Luckily now that things had been finished up last week, she would have more free time. Still, she had a lot of promotional things to do such as interviews and she might have to rerecord some things. Honestly a lot of her responsibilities at this point just involved making decisions. That could mostly be done from home.

Most of it could be done by her assistant, but Billie was keeping Michelle busy with finding her a pet sitter. For this reason, she sat down in front of her computer and answered more emails than she had in a while. She sighed in relief when she was done and reached for a cigarette without thinking. It was already in her mouth when she looked down to Mickey who was sleeping in her pocket. She sighed in defeat before putting it down so she could check on him. He looked comfy so she didn’t want to bother him now. It had only been about an hour, but it was almost dinner time.

When Billie realized this, she reached for her phone to check and see if you responded. It had been a while and she wondered what you were up to. She really had no idea what you did in your free time, outside of watching movies.

Billie scrolled through her unread texts before she saw one from you that must have come in while she was on the phone earlier. She frowned at your first message because it confirmed what she feared. If Bit didn’t want to take care of Mickey that could mean that she might have to bottle feed him. That sounded like a giant pain. She decided not to worry about that until she had to.

The second message made her curious. She wondered who Milo was. Maybe a boyfriend? She disregarded the thought quickly because she was pretty sure that you were single. She had a feeling you wouldn’t have flirted with her, let alone asked her out without mentioning that you were dating someone.

Billie hadn’t been subtle when they’d met. She had been flirting and Y/N had flirted back. You didn’t strike her as the dense type, you were clearly smart, but she supposed she couldn’t know for sure. At least not until Saturday.

She considered the place they’d chosen for lunch. It was closer to her than the vet’s office which she was grateful for. She also knew that it wouldn’t really have mattered. She was eager to see you again, so much so that it should be embarrassing. She couldn’t really explain it. She just wanted to see what happened between you two.

Billie’s attention was pulled from her phone when Mickey shifted slightly in her pocket. She decided it was time to check on the other kittens, so she texted you back quickly before heading upstairs yet again.

Not a problem. Did you and Milo have a good time?

Milo was asleep on the couch when this text reached you and you laughed out loud as you looked to see how he was positioned. The dog was curled up on top of one of the throw pillows that was way too small for all of him to fit on. That said, the rest of him was slung over the armrest in what looked like the most uncomfortable position ever. You rolled your eyes before snapping a picture and sending it to Billie.

We did. He tired himself out.

You go to the kitchen to figure out dinner after sending the message. You don’t expect an answer quickly but only a few minutes later your phone buzzes from your pocket. You were in the middle of cooking, so you finished up before looking to see what Billie said.

He’s so adorable. Mickey and the other kittens are sleeping too.

You squint slightly at the picture that she sent you, trying to figure out where it was taken. It’s obviously Mickey sleeping somewhere dark, but it’s a weird angle and you’re at a loss. So you text her back asking where she’s keeping him. Hopefully she was taking your advice to heart and she was keeping a close eye on him.

Where’s Mickey sleeping?

In my pocket.

You laugh so loudly that you wake Milo up.

The next couple of days are a little less hectic for Billie Dean. Michelle found someone qualified to take care of Mickey and company, she needed to come up with names for the rest of them, while she was at the studio. They didn’t seem to have any troubles and they sent her text messages every so often which she appreciated.

It seemed ridiculous to be so nervous about these kittens, but she couldn’t help it. She wanted them to do well so they could go to good homes. She had decided that once they were old enough, she would take them to the clinic to be adopted out. She trusted you to send them to good homes. Even Bit who would definitely be fixed before going off to her next home. Hell, Billie might even have it done sooner. The idea of her getting out and doing this all over again made her physically and mentally exhausted.

You and Billie exchange text messages every day, but you’re back at work and busy for most of the day, so they’re pretty spotty. Once you get home, you barely have the energy to make yourself dinner, but you somehow manage to check in on Billie and the cats. So far, so good. They’re all getting bigger and one is close to opening their eyes according to Billie.

It isn’t until Friday night that you allow yourself to freak out about your lunch ‘date’ with Billie. You’ve been keeping yourself busy so that you’re not stressing too much. However, your method for keeping busy was watching her show after work, and even on lunch one day. Erin, who had helped you with Billie’s appointment, had actually caught you and you’d been able to play it off easily enough, but you’d been frazzled around her for the rest of the day. Erin had been glad that you were finally watching it because it was great and Billie was amazing and inspiring and the idea of seeing this woman, this celebrity again was growing more and more intimidating.

Sometimes you wished that you could just enjoy things and not stress about them up until they happened. Unfortunately, that wasn’t who you were, and you were still a little tense when you got in your car Saturday to meet her.

It was a pretty popular place that you two were meeting at, but it wasn’t hard to spot Billie once you realized where you should look. She was tucked away in a back corner outside. You stopped to talk to the hostess for a moment before you were pointed in the right direction. Not that you noticed.

You took a deep breath as you headed for Billie, watching as she noticed you from a couple tables away and stood up. You only had a moment to take in her appearance, a knee-length floral dress with heels that made her much taller than you.  You were a little surprised when she hugged you, but you didn’t complain when you recognized the same perfume she’d been wearing at her appointment. You don’t have time to question how you remembered that before Billie was speaking.

“Good to see you again, Y/N. Goodness you’re so tense.”

She chuckles under her breath while you blush slightly at the reminder about how you’d failed to calm down on the way here. You sit down across from the blonde before shrugging slightly. You looked down to where the medium’s nails-a different color this time-were fiddling with a cigarette.

“Yeah, sorry. I’m just a little—it’s good to see you too.”

You cut yourself off before you can say anything too embarrassing, but Billie Dean, clearly realizing what you were going to say, shoots you a questioning look. You watch as she brings her cigarette to her lips, a lighter not far behind it before shooting you a different kind of look.

“Do you mind, sweetheart?”

You usually don’t like it when people smoke around you, but you can’t bring yourself to say no to her. You shake your head before watching as she lights it and takes a drag. You know you’re staring, but you can’t help it. You never really saw smoking as attractive. Until now of course.

“You’re a little what?”

You pull your gaze away from the cigarette now over the ash tray between you before looking back to Billie’s face to see that look is still there. You shake your head remembering what she’d asked before shifting slightly in your seat.

“Um—nothing—nervous. Just a little.”

You take back the lie when Billie raises an eyebrow in disbelief at you, and you briefly wonder how anyone gets away with lying to this woman. She’s still eyeing you in a way that makes you feel like you’re under a microscope, so you look back to your hands that are fidgeting in your lap.

“Why are you nervous, sweetheart?”

Okay. You feel a blush rise to your cheeks at the question and the damn pet name again. You almost want to ask her to stop, but you’d never do that. You would never mean it. It was just damn distracting and you almost forgot to answer when Billie speaks up again.

“You don’t have to be nervous, Y/N.”

You nod to yourself and try to summon your courage as you sit up straighter. You open your mouth to agree and maybe apologize for being such a mess when the medium adds something that stops you cold.

“I won’t bite. Yet.”

You feel your brain short-circuit at the thought of biting-oh god and your face flushes as red as a tomato. You hear her chuckle, but you miss the almost apologetic look she shoots you as you shake your head to clear it of those thoughts.

“Right, uh. I guess I just didn’t know what to expect.”

Billie nods in understanding as she takes another drag before offering you a smile.

“I don’t expect anything from you, Y/N. I just wanted to get to know you a little better.”

Any response you were going to give was interrupted when your waiter, Rick, came to take your drink orders. You just ordered a soda before taking the menu handed to you. You missed what Billie ordered as you busied yourself with looking for something to get. Despite the fact that you’d looked at the menu beforehand and knew exactly what you were getting.

“Okay. I can do that.”

You smile shyly as you duck behind your menu when Billie laughs. She takes another drag of her cigarette before putting it out and moving the tray from between the two of you. You watch over your menu curiously before you hear her voice again and your attention snaps back to her face.

Her hair looks a lot like how it did when you first met. It looks so soft and you really want to run your fingers through it.

“How long ago did you move to L.A?”

This question surprises you a little bit and Billie just smiles as you put down your menu before answering. You smile slightly as you do the math in your head quickly.

“Almost 6 weeks.”

You pause before asking, “How did you know?”

Billie’s smile widens as she thought back to your conversation earlier this week. “You didn’t seem to realize that it doesn’t get very cold here.”

You laugh before nodding. That’s what you thought had tipped her off. That and the fact that you had no idea who she was. Not that you’d told her that yet, or planned to.

“That makes sense. All I really looked into when I got my job offer was housing. I figured the rest would sort itself out later.”

Billie waited until your waiter came back with your drinks before responding. When he asked if you were ready to order, Billie told you to go first and she watched you curiously as you spoke with Rick. She smiled when you turned to her once you’re finished and she orders before handing her menu off to Rick.

“Did you and Milo make the trip together?”

You smile at the mention of your dog. You had sent Billie at least three more pictures of him throughout the week since he was always with you. Even at work, there was a doggy daycare so he was hardly ever home alone. You hoped that he wasn’t ripping anything up as you speak.

“Yeah, we drove here since he would have lost his mind on a plane, but it was a nice, long trip.”

You told Billie about how the day after graduation, you packed up your car and drove cross country with your dog. It took you about a week because you stopped a lot to sightsee, but it was relaxing and you definitely were glad you did it. You didn’t mention any family, but Billie didn’t ask so you decided to save that for later.

“I’d lived there all my life, but L. A’s a nice change. Not that I’ve seen much of it.”

Billie smiles at this and she bites back a flirty comment as she watches something change in your expression. It’s gone so quickly that she doubts she even saw it before you shoot her a smile, your dimples making you look adorable.

“Enough about me. What about you Billie?”

Billie smiled before she shot you a surprised look. “You mean you didn’t Google me?”

She had been kidding, but when she saw you blush slightly, she was glad that she’d said it.

God you were adorable.

You searched for a distraction and settled for taking a sip of your drink as you tried to figure out what to say. The truth was embarrassing, but you didn’t really want to say anything else. So you sighed in defeat as you put your glass down, and met Billie’s smug smirk.

“I actually didn’t Google you until you agreed to lunch. I honestly…I didn’t know who you were until about ten minutes before you arrived at the clinic.”

This surprised Billie, but she didn’t say so because she didn’t want to sound like a narcissist. Instead, she decided to see what you were willing to tell her.

“Really? Well did you learn anything interesting?”

You laughed before shrugging in faux disinterest. You’d read a lot about Billie Dean, but that didn’t mean you were going to tell her that. You didn’t simply want to tell Billie her life story. You’d rather hear it from her.

“Nothing as interesting as what you could tell me, I’m sure.”

You smile as you watch Billie stop short of reaching for her cigarette. She turns to you looking faintly surprised before she just laughs.

“You’re full of surprises, aren’t you?”

Instead of offering a verbal response, you just smile widely only to break out into a laugh as Billie rolls her eyes at you.

“Well, I just got back from Europe last week. We’d been filming there for the past couple of months.”

This piqued your interest because you’d been to Europe a couple of years ago, but you hadn’t gone much further than Germany and Italy.

“Really? Where in Europe?”

Billie Dean spent up until your food came talking about the months she’d spent in Europe. She talked about what she’d seen and a little about the spirits she’d encountered. She made sure to check periodically to see if you were actually interested, but there was really no need. You were so invested in what the medium was saying that you didn’t pay your food any attention once it arrived. You were starving, but you didn’t want to miss anything that Billie said.

“I’m just glad that it wasn’t a complete waste of time. Sometimes that happens and it’s frustrating.”

You nod as you think about how this must work. You supposed that it was a common occurrence for Billie to run into stubborn souls who didn’t want anything to do with her. You had heard her say in one of her episodes that she could sense spirits without seeing them, and if they wanted to be seen they would reveal themselves. Otherwise, she was just talking to air and that was difficult to make entertaining.

“Can I ask a potentially dumb question?”

Billie nodded before she took a bite of her lunch. You watched as she swallowed before offering you an encouraging smile.

“Of course, Y/N.”

You nod before taking a moment to figure out how to best word this. It was bound to sound generic and like something she’d been asked a million times before, but you were genuinely curious. You knew very little about mediums. Unless the one or two episodes of Long Island Medium you’ve seen counted.

“Does it ever get difficult to tell who is a spirit and who isn’t? If they appear around you anywhere, how do you differentiate between them and just another person at this restaurant?”

You look around the crowded area as you say this, missing how Billie looks over your other shoulder instead. She takes a deep breath before closing her eyes briefly. She doesn’t notice that you’d turned back until she opens her eyes to see you looking at her curiously. Billie immediately shakes her head with a small smile despite her slight unease.

“It’s not a dumb question, honey. The best answer would be that it was confusing at first, but now that I’ve learned to pick up on their energies and hear their thoughts, it’s easier.”

You try to imagine this, but you fall short because how can you? The idea of living your everyday life and being able to feel and see dead people was overwhelming. You looked back to Billie to ask one final question when you notice she’d fiddling with the cigarette she put out a while ago.

“What’s your favorite part about your gift?”

This question is a little unexpected. Billie immediately stops fidgeting and smiles at you in admiration. Most people see her gift as a burden, or as a way to make money. Some even see it as an opportunity to exploit spirits for the sake of entertainment. She can see that you are truly just curious, and that you aren’t put off by the idea like a lot of people are initially. Or worse, fawning over it and asking her to sense the room or anything like that.

“I love when I can help people who don’t realize that their loved ones are still with them.”

Billie’s answer strikes a chord in you and you try to hide it, but you are a terrible liar. You knew you’d failed when you saw Billie frown slightly, but you spoke up quickly so you didn’t have to talk about that. You weren’t ready and the idea of doing so now, especially with someone you’d just met was terrifying.

“You must find that very rewarding.”

Billie doesn’t answer immediately, but you pretend not to notice as you busy yourself with your food. Billie can tell you don’t want to talk about it, so she just files your reaction away for another time before nodding in agreement.

The rest of lunch goes smoothly and by the time it’s over almost three hours have passed. It’s practically dinner time.

You don’t want to leave. You’ve enjoyed the time spent with Billie so much. She’s so easy to talk to, and you could honestly listen to her speak for hours and hours. It wasn’t until Billie looked at her watch that you realized she needed to go. You figured she had to get back to work, but she shook her head when you asked.

“Duty calls?”

Billie smiles before shaking her head. She’d finished all of her work this morning so she could spend as much time as possible with you. She hadn’t told you that and probably wasn’t going to, but she did need to get home.

“Not quite. I just need to check on the kittens soon.”

She watches you smile at this before sitting up slightly to lean in a bit in interest.

“Oh right. They’re still doing okay?”

Billie confirms that all of the kittens are doing well. They’re all growing and nursing and despite the extra attention that Mickey requires, he’s doing well too.

“They are. They’re getting so big. I swear they’ll probably be walking around soon.”

You laugh at this before trying to imagine 6 kittens wandering around Billie’s home. You picture all of them sitting on the medium and that’s just too adorable. You’re pulled from your daydream when Rick comes back with the check. You grab it before Billie can and smile victoriously when you see her pout.

“Sweetheart I was --.”

“Nope, I’ve got it!”

You quickly hand your card to Rick, trying not to freak out at the idea of him hearing Billie call you sweetheart. You feel your cheeks heating up so you just smile as you look back to Billie with a wave of your hand.

“Don’t worry about it. I asked you here after all, so my treat.”

Billie was still frowning as she shook her head and you opened your mouth to offer some sort of reassurance. You didn’t get a chance before she was smiling at you in a way that made you swoon.

“Alright, but next time, it’s on me.”

You can only nod dumbly as you try to process the fact that Billie Dean just implied that she wants to see you again. You barely notice Rick bring your card back as you frantically try to think of when you’ll be free next.

“Have a good rest of the day, ladies.”

You look up at that point a little caught off guard, but before you can stumble over a response Billie speaks for you both. You just focus on doing a little math and signing your name before putting your card back in your wallet.

“Ready to go, Y/N?”

You nod and stand-up following Billie’s lead out to the parking lot. You realize she’s just following you to your car, and you turn to ask her where she parked, but a hand on your lower back stops you.

“It’s okay, I’ll walk you to your car.”

You were so focused on just getting out of there with some semblance of your dignity that you hadn’t realized that people were taking notice of Billie. You just nod and start digging in your pocket for your keys. You unlock your car, leaning against it before you turn to Billie with a smile.

“It was good seeing you again, Billie. We should do this again sometime.”

You say this kiddingly, but at the same time you’re completely serious. Billie chuckles under her breath before nodding in agreement. She brushes some loose hair behind her ear and shoots you a dazzling smile.

“We should. When are you free next?”

You don’t even pretend like you hadn’t been thinking about it since the check came and responded immediately.

“My next days off are Thursday and Friday. What about you?”

Billie’s slightly disappointed that she’ll have to wait that long, you are too, but she mentions that her nights are pretty free next week. So you decide on dinner next Thursday night, since you work next weekend before you part ways.

Billie seems a little more on edge than she was when you arrived, and a quick glance around confirms why. Of course people will take notice of Billie Dean Howard. You just smile before reaching out to squeeze her hand.

“I’ll see you at some undisclosed location Thursday night?”

Billie insisted on surprising you for next time and you couldn’t help but find it both romantic and nerve-wracking. She merely nodded before letting you know that you’ll just have to be patient.

“I’ll let you know Wednesday, Y/N. Thank you for lunch.”

With one last squeeze, Billie released your hand and left you a little dazed. You watch her walk away until you realize you’re staring, so you quickly get in your car and shut the door. You take a deep breath before getting buckled and heading home.

You leave the parking lot and are a couple blocks away before you start screaming.

You have a date with Billie Dean.

You’re going on a date with Billie Dean Howard.

When you get home, you’re eternally grateful that Milo didn’t tear anything up. After a quick run through of the place to confirm this you retreat to your room to change clothes. You’re antsy all of a sudden, not that it takes a lot of thought to figure out why. You’re excited, terrified and you feel like crying a little which seems ridiculous. So instead of doing all of these things you decide to take Milo on a walk that will probably turn into a run to burn some energy and hopefully calm yourself down.

“Ready for a walk, Milo?”

As you predicted, your adorable dog runs to find his leash and bring it to you. You make sure you have your keys and phone safely tucked away before heading out.

You’re not typically someone who likes exercising in front of people, and if you didn’t have Milo you wouldn’t be going out for a run right now. Luckily your insecurities and paranoia are the last thing on your mind as you lock up and take off down the street, Milo right beside you.

You were too busy thinking about your date with Billie Dean.

Holy shit, what were you going to wear?

Part 4

[spicysoftsweet]

Chapter 11

Masterlist

The days following the funeral had been extremely lonely for Kaksi. While she knew she wasn’t the only one who was suffering from losing Baji, she felt like she shouldn’t bother anyone, attempting to overcome her own grief by herself. Eventually, she decided to pay a visit to her best friend despite the fact that she hadn’t called or texted ever since the ceremony.

But that had only worsened things, adding to the loneliness and sadness as she returned to her place after learning that Kumi had left Tokyo just a few days prior. Part of Kaksi was hurt that she hadn’t given her any notice, not even bothering to say goodbye, but another part of her knew that it was for the best and could only wish her a good recovery.

She felt useless being unable to help her but she figured that if she couldn’t be there for Kumi she would be there for anyone else that needed her. One of those people happened to be Chifuyu - while none of them wanted to address their feelings outright, they found each other’s company comforting. Kaksi could never replace Baji, the Toman member remembered painfully when he was with her, but they would still share a laugh together from time to time.

It had always been evident to Kaksi that Chifuyu’s feelings for Baji went beyond friendship and she wondered if the first division captain had been aware. She hoped he did not, keeping Chifuyu so close yet so far seemed cruel to her, especially when Kumi had entered the picture. But that was none of her business and she didn’t exactly want to broach the subject of romance with her friend even if he did seem to want to be involved with that side of her life.

“Are you going to see Kazutora soon?”

Kaksi let out a sigh, knowing she would regret it if she didn’t.

“I guess so.”

“He’d be happy to see you,” Chifuyu reassured with a little smile. “Heard Takemichi and Draken are going to see him soon too.”

Takemichi.

Kaksi couldn’t figure why but it still bothered her that he was always so involved in everything that was related to the gang. While she had nothing personal against him (at least she thought so), she couldn’t help feeling strange about his role in all of this.

“Why is he everywhere?”

“Who?” Chifuyu asked, confused. “Takemichi?”

Kaksi nodded.

“He says he wants to be Toman’s leader,” he explained.

“What the fuck?”

Chifuyu laughed at Kaksi’s evident confusion.

“I know. He’s insane.”

“Why does he want to become Toman’s leader?” she asked. “He was a nobody months ago.”

“I don’t know,” Chifuyu admitted. “But he’s pretty damn determined to achieve his goal. Besides, Baji trusts him.”

Kaksi smiled at his last words but that wouldn’t be enough to convince her that Takemichi’s motivations and behaviour were normal.

“So you trust him?”

Chifuyu nodded.

“He’s weird,” Kaksi pointed out. “Don’t know if I do.”

Kaksi had good intuitions and she had learned in the past to always trust them. She needed to talk to Takemichi, there was clearly something she was missing in all this chaos. If someone was to be Toman’s leader after Mikey it certainly would not be Takemichi, she was convinced and even if it was, why would he want that?

As Kaksi wondered about that she was reminded of her previous conversation with him. Something didn’t add up once again - why would Baji trust Takemichi? They barely knew each other. While she knew Baji was as, if not more, intuitive and perceptive than her, there must have been more than linked them. Maybe there was something Chifuyu was unaware of? No, that didn’t make sense; she remembered Takemichi coming to Kumi and her looking for intel about Kazutora and Baji, as the Valhalla conflict had been brewing.

Takemichi really was a nobody and despite suddenly appearing in their lives, he somehow played a key role in the gang. Kaksi didn’t know why she felt the need to investigate him and thinking about it now, she realised that all the people she held dear were related to him. Perhaps it was out of desperation for something to distract her, but for her peace of mind, she needed to know more about him.  

---

Takemichi had been surprised to see Kaksi, still in her school uniform, standing by his school’s entrance. His blue eyes widened as he caught her brown ones. Her face wore a neutral expression as usual and he couldn’t help feeling intimidated as she walked over to him. She didn’t smile or wave at him but she greeted him and quickly asked if she could have a few words with him.

Takemichi agreed and awkwardly, he and the taller girl walked together for a little while. They didn’t have a specific destination in mind but he figured they could just sit at the playground right around the corner and talk. He hadn’t seen her since Baji’s funeral and he couldn’t tell how she felt, finding Kaksi rather unreadable. He did however note that she looked more tired than he had usually seen her.

“What exactly are your motivations, Takemichi?” she asked suddenly, catching him off-guard.

He stayed silent for a moment, wondering what a good answer would be to that question.

“What do you mean?”

“A few months ago I had no idea who you were,” she explained. “Then suddenly you became the most talked-about person among my friends for some reason.”

It was true that Takemichi’s involvement with Toman had evolved very quickly and he felt himself sink deeper into its core every day. So Kaksi’s confusion was founded as someone who had watched most things unfold on the sidelines.

“And now I’m told you want to become Toman’s number one?” she continued, a frown on her face. “What is it that you know that you are not telling us?”

Kaksi’s voice wasn’t threatening in the slightest, but Takemichi couldn’t help getting nervous. There were so many things that he knew that he wasn’t telling anyone and the burden of his secret was getting harder to carry every day. Part of Takemichi carried the guilt of Baji’s death and while he had prevented Mikey from killing Kazutora, he had still failed his original mission.

It didn’t matter that Baji technically killed himself, Kazutora had inflicted to him fatal injuries that Takemichi failed to anticipate despite knowing more about the events that were meant to unfold than anyone else. He stayed silent. What would Kaksi think if she knew the truth? Would she hate him for failing to save Baji?

“What do you want, Takemichi?” she asked, filling the silence once again as Takemichi found himself unable to answer.

“I just want to save everyone.”

It felt good to say it but seeing the look on Kaksi’s face he realised that he had only confused her more.

“How?”

Takemichi didn’t know. He wasn’t smart, he wasn’t strong, and he was breaking too. Tears filled his eyes and he realized that the pressure was unbearable under Kaksi’s gaze.

“I don’t know, Kaksi,” he replied, tears rolling down his cheeks. “I have no idea.”

The girl could feel her vision blur as Takemichi started to sob.

“I wish I could save everyone too.”

Her voice cracked and she was happy no one was there to witness them.

“I wish I could have done something,” she continued, frustrated and tears falling uncontrollably. “I knew Kazutora was unstable but I didn’t know what to do. I should have insisted and talked to him the moment I knew what he was preparing. Baji…”

Kaksi, finding it hard to speak, paused for a moment. It was sickening to watch her like this, Takemichi thought, the guilt he felt amplified.

“Fuck I didn’t even talk to Baji. I just let him push me away like everyone else.”

“Please don’t blame yourself,” Takemichi begged her. “I’m the one who failed to protect Baji.”

Kaksi shook her head. Takemichi couldn’t have known how far Kazutora could go. But Kaksi did, as much as she loved him, she knew that Kazutora was never only the boy who gently kissed her knuckles. No, she knew there was a much more violent and aggressive side to her love. She had believed that it was under control, that she could keep him under control but she had failed.

“You didn’t know.”

Takemichi cried louder at those words. He wanted to scream and he did, unable to contain his feelings.

“I did,” he admitted, the words barely making it out. “I knew Kazutora would stab Baji and I couldn’t stop him. I couldn’t save Baji.”

He slammed his fist on the table they were sitting on and kept weeping. Kaksi’s eyes widened slightly, surprised by the sudden movement but more importantly by what he said.

“What do you mean you knew Kazutora would stab Baji?” she asked in horror and confusion.

“Forgive me, Kaksi.”

That was all Takemichi said for a moment along with repeated apologies. Kaksi asked him again, feeling her heartbeat increase. What did he mean?

“I knew Baji was going to die,” he started confessing.

But all Kaksi could do was cry harder as she listened to Takemichi’s secrets. He did not think anymore, telling her everything from the day he was meant to die, to Naoto, to Hina, to all the events he was able to change, to the guilt that crushed him and to his helplessness regarding Baji’s death.

By the end of his explanation, both of them sat quietly. Takemichi felt good for having gotten this all out of his chest but now he had to deal with how this could possibly affect Kaksi. Despite her initial shock, Kaksi figured this was way too serious for Takemichi to lie and it did explain how he had climbed Toman’s ranks so quickly and why he was so persistent. She felt a little guilty for thinking that his intentions could have been bad before they had talked.

So she apologised to him and reassured him that Baji’s death was in no way his fault and acknowledged that the weight of the responsibility he held was crushing.

“What are you going to do now?” Kaksi asked, having dried her tears.

“I’m going to go back to twelve years in the future.”

“Do you think the future will be fixed this time?”

“I hope so,” he said with a little smile.

Kaksi stayed silent for a moment.

“I don’t want anything bad to happen to him anymore,” she said, eyes filling with tears again. “I’ll help you protect Mikey.”

Mikey who she hadn’t talked to in weeks. How terrible she felt, the memory of their fight still fresh in her mind. Takemichi smiled at her, the love Kaksi held for Mikey was always so evident to him but was it as evident to her and Mikey? He couldn’t tell but he hoped he could offer them the happiness they deserved.

Takemichi kept the girl company for a while longer and she promised his secret was safe with her before bidding him goodbye. They weren’t sure they would see each other again before Takemichi next time leapt, so she told him she would be meeting Kazutora and watch out for Mikey as much as she could.

This definitely wasn’t the motivation she had expected Takemichi to have but maybe she had been wrong about him. Takemichi was strong in his own way and a lot of people counted on him. She hoped he would be fine.

---

As days passed, Mikey remained on Kaksi’s mind, but he was usually quickly joined by Kazutora. What was even meant to happen to him? As much as Kaksi wanted to be angry with him, she couldn’t. She missed him already and she knew this was only the start of their troubles but what even was left of their relationship? She was unsure.

Chifuyu said he would be happy to see her and he had also told her about the rage and renewed energy that had taken over Kazutora when Mikey had hit her. She knew he still cared and she did too, so very much. Kaksi’s feelings for Kazutora never faded but she worried if he would ever believe that. All he seemed to think about was Mikey.

Kaksi didn’t know what to expect, making her way to the detention centre. She could feel tears blurring her vision at the thought of Kazutora and her being separated again as well as the reason why. He carried so much guilt that she was worried about how this would affect his fragile mental health more than anything.

She followed the police officers leading her to face her ex-boyfriend nervously. As soon as she saw him behind glass windows she couldn’t prevent her tears from falling. Kazutora watched her quietly, his own eyes filling with tears at the sight of her pain. They didn’t have that unfamiliar glimmer she was scared of and they displayed sadness more than anything else.

What could he ever say to make all this better? He didn’t think there was anything that would.

All Kazutora felt was guilt and regret. He had killed one of the most precious people to him and hurt the dearest to his heart. Kaksi was too kind to visit him especially after what he had done and accused her of. He hadn’t expected her to visit him, he hadn’t expected anyone. He had already felt like he had used all his luck when Draken had delivered Mikey’s message to him, therefore seeing the face of the girl he loved truly felt like one last blessing before his punishment started.

“Kaksi,” he started. “I’m so sorry.”

She didn’t say anything, drying her tears instead as Kazutora’s fell down his cheeks.

“I won’t ask for your forgiveness. You have every right to hate me.”

“You know I could never hate you, Kazutora,” she said with a sad smile.

He didn’t say anything for a moment, then murmured, “You should.”

At that moment Kazutora wished that Kaksi had moved on with Mikey. He didn’t want to be a burden to her anymore, she didn’t deserve any of that.

“How long are they expecting your sentence to be?” she asked, nervously.

“Ten years.”

Kaksi clenched her teeth at the thought, the words repeating in her head. She wanted to scream in frustration but this was probably the best outcome, she was aware. So she decided to hide her distress, not wanting to worry Kazutora.

“It will be lonely without you,” she said. “But I’ll wait.”

Kazutora’s eyes widened in shock.

“What?”

It was as crazy as it sounded. Kaksi would wait for him again.

“I’ll wait for you,” she repeated. “I can do it.”

Kazutora wondered if those words were meant to convince him or herself.

“Kaksi,” he begged. “Don’t do this. I don’t want you to wait for me.”

Those words hurt her.

“What am I supposed to do then?” she asked, voice breaking and tears blurring her vision again.

Kaksi was tired of everything she had ever known falling apart. Baji was dead, Kumi was gone and despite her promise to Takemichi, she didn’t even know if she could fix things with Mikey. She didn’t think she could handle Kazutora leaving her too. Ten years would be torture without him but the idea of one day reuniting with her boyfriend was enough right now to comfort her.

He didn’t know what to tell her. Kazutora had already harmed her so much he wondered if having a proper breakup now wouldn’t be best for her. But seeing her cry despite trying to stay strong he couldn’t afford to break her heart a second time.

“Kaksi, I don’t want you to waste any more time for me,” he explained. “Ten years is a long time. You can’t wait that long, especially not for me.”

The girl took a moment before answering.

“I’m not giving up on you, Kazutora,” she said, a new wave of determination overtaking her. “You said you wouldn’t ask me to forgive you but why? Because you don’t think you deserve my forgiveness or because you don’t want to earn it?”

Kazutora’s sandy eyes widened. Of course he wanted to earn Kaksi’s forgiveness. He would do anything for her.

“Because I don’t think I deserve it.”

“Well that’s up to me to decide, Kazutora,” she replied, her voice colder.

Despite wanting to argue, Kazutora stayed silent.

“If you feel guilty, then fix your mistakes,” she told him. “Get proper rehabilitation and let me help you once you’re out.”

Kazutora gave her a sad smile.

“I will.”

It was a promise that he couldn’t break, he thought. Kazutora hoped that despite her words, Kaksi would move on. He hoped she stayed away from Toman, made new friends, fell in love and pursued the career she wanted to. Whether she was there to welcome him or not when he would come out didn’t matter. Her feelings would fade; they had to. The idea of her moving on with Mikey felt like knives in his stomach but he would not blame her for any decisions she would make without him this time.

“Promise you’ll be happy for the next ten years,” Kazutora demanded.

Kaksi couldn’t guarantee that.

“I’ll try my best, Kazutora,” she said with a little smile.

He smiled back at her before leaving, their meeting ending.  

---

Kaksi couldn’t tell if she was satisfied with their conversation or not but she would be welcoming Kazutora back into her life in ten years, that was a promise to herself. She wondered what other promises she was going to have to make and if she would be able to keep all of them.

The most urgent one was probably watching out for Mikey but in order to do that she needed to mend their relationship. Having been kept busy with school, she was struggling to find the right moment to talk to Mikey and the fact he wouldn’t answer her texts only made her more anxious. What if it was too late? What if he just didn’t want to see her again?

This would not be surprising after their last interaction. She hated that she would rather run away from her problems than confront them head-on. Still, she found some free time on a Saturday afternoon to pay a visit to Mikey.

He beat her to it, however, and it was with confusion that she had found him on his CB250T waiting for her not too far from her apartment block, a Thursday afternoon as Kaksi came back from school alone. She made her way over to him, rather nervously despite it not being visible on her features. Mikey’s deep black eyes didn’t leave her and while he realized he had missed her terribly, this was not what he came to tell her.

They greeted each other more awkwardly than two friends should, but a lot of things had changed since their last interaction.

“I wanted to apologize for what happened at the junkyard,” Mikey said, bowing in front of Kaksi. “I’m sorry I hurt you while you tried to protect Kazutora.”

Kaksi’s brown eyes widened.

“I know you didn’t mean it,” she reassured him. “It was an accident.”

“It doesn’t matter. I hit you.”

She watched as Mikey remained in the same position.

“I forgive you, Mikey,” she told him, not wanting him to feel guilty about it anymore.

He stood straight again, his face expressionless before walking back to his bike. Despite sincerely feeling awful for what he had done to Kaksi he couldn’t help remaining angry. The day Baji died, Mikey would have had to kill Kaksi if he had wanted to kill Kazutora - this was how much she loved Kazutora and not him. This was a selfish thought considering everything that had happened but that realisation hurt Mikey.

Kaksi watched him, even more, confused by his behaviour than when he had first appeared.

“Mikey, wait!” she exclaimed as he started his engine.

She quickly walked over to him, not wanting the conversation to end here.

“I’m sorry for what I said the last time we had lunch together,” she told him. “I di-”

“There’s no need for you to apologise,” he cut her off, coldly. “I know you only care about Kazutora.”

Kaksi looked at him in shock. This was far from true and it angered her to think Mikey believed that.

“This is false,” she protested. “How could you say this?”

Mikey took a moment before answering. He didn’t want to argue with her but this was probably the best way to make sure she would never talk to him again. While it was true that Mikey’s feelings had been hurt, this wasn’t the only thing that drove him to cut Kaksi out of his life so abruptly. Things were getting far too dangerous these days and even he was unsure about Toman’s future. For her safety, he needed to push her away even if it hurt both of them.

“What am I to you, Kaksi?” Mikey asked.

What was she supposed to answer? She didn’t have a clear answer other than her friend but before she could say anything, Mikey spoke again.

“I don’t want to be Kazutora’s placeholder.”

“This is not what you are, Mikey!” she replied, growing frustrated. “You were never Kazutora’s placeholder! You are my friend.”

“Then I don’t think I want to be friends anymore,” he said, the pain he felt was imperceptible at surface level but palpable at his very core.

Kaksi stood in silence and Mikey decided he didn’t have anything else to tell her. So he left, the noise from his engine filling the girl’s ears as he drove away, accelerating as if that would make it all go away. Maybe Kaksi loved him as he loved her, maybe she didn’t. No matter the answer though, Mikey knew he had to keep her safe and that could only be possible by exiting her life, as heartbreaking as it was.

Mikey didn’t drive back home, instead, he kept wandering the streets with his older brother and his childhood friend in his thoughts. What would they think of this?

There wasn’t any other solution, was there?  

---

Heartbroken over Mikey, Kaksi realised that it was one by one that she was losing her friends. The wound Baji had left her was still too fresh and she wondered if loneliness wouldn’t be better, after all. She had spent the following days visiting Kazutora while she still could but his trial had ended quickly and his sentence had already started now.

After that, it felt like everything had started to slow down. Despite spending most of her time studying, Kaksi’s days seemed endless. She didn’t talk to any remaining Toman members except for Chifuyu but she had the feeling that eventually, they would be parting ways too very soon. She assumed Takemichi had time leapt since the last time she had seen him he hadn’t even returned her smile.

She also noticed Chifuyu avoided mentioning the gang at all around her and it became obvious that something was wrong. Kaksi wondered for some time, maybe too long, if she should investigate by herself or not. Eventually, she had decided to talk to Mitsuya, one of the most reasonable people she knew and although he welcomed her warmly and didn’t hold it against her that she hadn’t talked to him in a long time, he only gave her a warning.

Like Chifuyu he looked too exhausted for a middle schooler and it appeared to her that he had matured even faster if it was even possible for someone in his predicament. All he was able to tell her was that Toman was changing and he was confused as to where all of this was heading. She tried to get some answers to her question but Mitsuya told her frankly that she would be better off without knowing.

So it was Yamagishi that she had recognised on her way to cram school that had given her more details about what she wanted to know. As expected the few rumours she had heard were true. Toman had gotten bigger and that involved more trouble, Kisaki was now one of the most influential members and all that mattered now was blood and money.

Kaksi had tried to know what all of this meant exactly but Yamagishi told her that his position didn’t allow him to disclose more information. He had given her a warning too but with new irritation, she had cut him off and left. She didn’t know what to do. Was there anything she could do? In a few months what used to be a kid's playground had turned into one of the most dangerous and feared gangs of Tokyo.

As much as Kaksi still cared for some of its members, she knew when to give up on a pointless battle but before doing that she had to try one last time to spare those she loved.

“Chifuyu, you should leave Toman.”

The boy stayed silent for a moment.

“It’s not that easy,” he told her.

“But it will be harder if you wait.”

“Don’t worry about me, Kaksi,” Chifuyu reassured.

He should know that was impossible.

“Well, I can’t do that. I know you won’t talk about it but Toman changed,” she replied, voice louder as her frustration built up. “These are not people you want to be involved with.”

“I’m aware but I know what I’m doing.”

Chifuyu remained calm but this wasn’t how he felt. He appreciated that Kaksi looked out for him but he could never leave Toman. This was Baji’s legacy and if it wasn’t him, then who would fight for its sake?

Kaksi chuckled, but it was bitterness and pain that had her speaking this time.

“This is what Baji thought too before fucking dying.”

Chifuyu clenched his fists, his patience running thin.

“What do you think you are going to achieve by yourself?” she asked, her words pointed.

Chifuyu’s jaw tensed even further.

“More than you ever will, Kaksi.”

She wasn’t hurt by those words. Chifuyu was right, all Kaksi could do was run away. But some things weren’t worth fighting for.

“I know what all this meant to Baji,” she said with teary eyes. “But he is dead, as painful as it is and you will end up joining him if you’re not careful, Chifuyu.”

This hurt but Chifuyu didn’t expect Kaksi to understand.

“Well then I hope I do,” he replied, coldly. “I’d rather die trying too hard than not trying at all.”

Kaksi chuckled again, a sardonic, almost soulless sound.

“Living then dying for someone that could never return what you gave to them looks painful.”

There was a pause as Chifuyu let those words sink in, and considered exactly how much Baji may have understood his feelings.

“If this is what you think this is then you should leave,” Chifuyu finally answered, angry and hurt.

The girl stayed quiet and decided she had said what she had to. Maybe she had been too harsh, maybe she hadn’t been harsh enough but this was as hard as she would try. She liked to think she was devoted to the ones she loved but she figured she had been wrong. If Chifuyu wanted to live for the ghost of his past then so be it, but this was something Kaksi refused to do.

Still, there was something she was afraid of and that was regrets. Walking away from Chifuyu after warning him was something but giving up without trying was something else which was why abandoning Mikey for good felt different. While he was the one who had ended their relationship, Kaksi thought that maybe she hadn’t been insistent enough. So it wouldn’t be without having him hear her out that she would put Toman behind her for good.

---

Waiting for Mikey to open the door of his home felt like the last goodbye. How stupid Kaksi felt for having told Takemichi that she would help him protect Mikey. Who was she kidding? She was never a hero. Maybe loneliness, grief and sadness killed her empathy or maybe she was just tired, she wasn’t sure.

When Mikey finally opened the door she was afraid he would immediately close it again but he didn’t; his deep black eyes studied her instead. He looked different, to say the least, while his features hadn’t changed, like Kazutora, there was something unfamiliar and slightly frightening about him now. Kaksi had anticipated this, however. She wondered if it was really a stranger she faced now?

“Can we talk, Mikey?” she asked, in a neutral voice, hiding her uneasiness.

“We have nothing to talk about.”

As straightforward as ever, Mikey was ready to close his front door but Kaksi stopped him, blocking the door with her hand and foot, begging him to listen, for once.

“I thought I was clear, last time,” he warned. “Get out of my sight.”

“What the fuck is wrong with you, Mikey?”

She didn’t expect an answer, she just needed to get her frustration out.

“What are you even doing? Quit pushing me away!” she barked at him. “I just want to help you.”

“I don’t need your help. I don’t need you.”

Mikey’s tone was icy and he remained unimpressed by Kaksi’s outburst. This was so unlike her, he thought still. She was always so calm and composed but he figured that too many things had been testing her patience lately, one of them being him. Her expression remained unchanged at those words and he wondered if it was defeat that he saw in her eyes.

“What a fucking joke Toman is,” she told him, a bitter smile on her lips. “A new age for delinquents? A gang that’s all for one, and one for all? What happened to that? Did it just die with Baji?”

Mikey’s eyes widened slightly but it was almost imperceptible. With one swift movement, he pushed away Kaksi’s arm and had her stumble back.

“Don’t talk about things you don’t understand,” he snapped at her. “And mind your own fucking business.”

“Fuck you,” Kaksi yelled at Mikey, using all her strength to push him away from her before walking away.

She didn’t want to cry, she was too furious to allow that. Kaksi had so many things to say but she figured it was better to run. Clearly, there was no reasoning with any of her friends.

She did what she could, she would never try again.