#I’ve heard the owners are very…not queer friendly

[lenacopperleaf]

I am wearing my Travis Dermott jersey this Avs pride night

[popculturebuffet]

Sparkshortstravaganza! (Commissioned by WeirdKev27)

Well this was a needed kick in the pants. When I first heard of the Sparkshorts program I was excited. As a kid I loved PIxar, as an adult I love pixar and as an old man dealing with the loss of his partner floating away in my balloon house, i’ll still love pixar. So the idea of a program focused on giving new fresh talent the room to do whatever they wanted and make content that would be on Disney Plus, a platform BADLY bereft of original animation? It was a dream come true and the first one I saw Kitbull is easily a masterpiece and something that I can vividly recall every part of to this day, which for my terrible short term memory recalling EVERYTHING is a rare feat few works have achived.  But given I have a REALLY bad habit of letting things I want to watch sit there if I don’t jump on them immediately.. I let it sit there and didn’t touch any of the shorts and mostly forgot about the program until now. Until Kev, my patron and the only person paying for reviews at the moment, though others are more than welcome wink wonk, just decided what the heck and to test out comissioning shorts picked these ones because why not. And given I had been dragging my feet and reading the descriptions found creative and suprisingly heavy premises... I was fully on board And better late than never because along with Soul this program has EASILY restored my faith in the company after Onward really disapointed. Granted they’ve done worse, while there are pixar films I haven’t seen I need to like Coco or Cars 3, I’ve vowed NEVER to watch Cars 2 unless I have to and that vow has served me well so far. The shorts here are as a whole beautifully animated, have a ton of wonderful concepts and even the two weaker ones are still gorgeous to look at and a decent watch regardless and both come from a very well meaning place with a very well meant message. So yeah i’m thankful for this comission and to show you why let’s go through every Sparkshorts so far and see why their so awesome.. after some background of course. 

Sparkshorts, for the uniniated, is a program by pixar where animators are given six months and a limited budget to create a film based on personal experince. The program was designed to test out new ways of animating, directing and creating and to find a creative “spark” in it’s employees. Thus each film feels unique, has it’s own style.. and is utterly charming. I’ll be looking at them chronologically as while this wasn’t my watch order, I feel it’s a bit neater that way. I’ve already taken long enough to get to watching these, let’s open these films up and see what makes them tick shall we?

Purl: An Adorable Yarn Ball Vs Toxic Masculinity  Purl.. was better the more I thought about it. The first short released, it DOES have a good message and killer animation. The film takes place at B.R.O., a dude broey brockerage firm that’s painfully relasitic both in how broey it is and in how it looks. That’s to contrast our heroine: Purl, an adorable ball of yarn who just wants to be accepted but is instead ignored by the rest of the company till she changes herself up, donning a suit like her co workers she badly wants to fit in with and adopting their wolf of wallstreet esque douchebaggery. She finally gets accepted.. but ends up shedding her new self to help another Yarn Ball starting up.  Director Kristen Lester drew from personal experince, starting work at animation in a mostly male dominated workplace and thus having to adapt and only letting the femine side she’d repressed out when she moved to working at pixar, which had more female employees. The film DOES have a good message about toxic workplaces and toxic masulinty and learning the personal story did raise it a few notches as it made it clear to me that what SEEMED like an over exageration.. was probably just a light exageration given the kind of bro antics we’ve heard about at companies like Ubisoft. So while I didn’t like the film much at first honestly.. it’s over the top because it NEEDS to be because even though it’s 2021.. some idiots STILL don’t get it and kids are better off learning it now so it’ll hopefully stick when their entering the workforce. So we’ll get more people like perl willing to make a change and stick up for those like her and less dude bros. Still a decent and clever short with Perl’s bro form looking really neat and the animation on her in general is really fucking gorgeous. All in all not the best of these but still pretty good and while a bit thick on the message.. it kinda has to be. 

Smash And Grab: A Jaunty Ride to Freedom

This was a really fun one. Directed by Brian Larson and inspried by his need for a break from routine this follows two robots, the titular smash and grab who are designed to well.. smash and grab coal-like energy things for a train and have for years and years. The two long to high five, but can’t because their hooked to tubes so they can’t escape. But one day Smash looks out the window and not only sees fellow robots living a better life.. but a way to power him and his buddy/love intrest? I mean bromance or romance, either way it works. Point is our heroes escape, and have to fight security.  It’s just a really damn fun and creative movie. While robots wanting a better life isn’t new, the crisp art deco animation, breakneck pace, fun gags and heartwearming relationship between the two bots is just charming as hell. It’s just a fun ride the whole way through with a lot of heart and creativity with the two’s way they throw coal to one another used to take out the guards, and all together just some really good set pieces. Easily one of my faviorites here and that’s a high water mark to pass. 

Kitbull: Tiny Orphan Kitty + Big Abused Doggo = Best Friends

As I said this is the only one of these I saw before today and as I said it’s stuck with me. I love dogs. I have one of my own named Yoshi whose just a sweet boy. So i’ve always loved ALL DOGS.. and was thus horrified years ago when I learned about the stigma Bulldogs get. Seen as “agressive’ and “Mean’ and victious.. when really a lot of them, including my grandpa’s own pitbull when I was little, are just loveable as any other dogs. And having also known a former fighting dog my friend owned, if a much smaller min pin rather than a pitbull, who by the time I met him had become the sweetest dog you’d ever meet.. yeah.. don’t mistreat a dog just because some assholes force it to fight to the death because their sick, horrible, ghastly human beings.. if they can even be CALLED human beings after doing that to these poor animals.  My point is it’s nice to have a short about such a needed subject. Director Rosana Sullivan actually had the idea for the short for years and intended to do it as a side project, but when the program cropped up she moved it to pixar and the result is one of the most popular and easily one of the best of an already bright bunch, brought on by her love of animals and working in a shelter. It’s also one of Pixar’s first 2d animated projects and proves their just as good at that as cgi.  It’s the touching story of a kitty whose alone in the world and initally mistrustful and hissy at a big dog she finds and is naturally scared of.. until she grows to bond with the dog, realizing much like a LOT of fucking people need to that pitbulls.. are just dogs and often victims of circumstance and the poor, sweet pooch who just wants his owner to love him.. is instead thrown into a fighting pit, nearly killed and forced to make a daring escape with their new forever friends help. It’s through this wonderful, heartrending friendship that the dog finds freedom and the cat.. finds them both a home, no longer running from people but instead making sure they both get a person. It’s often brutal at times, with the scene of the dog being forced to fight being one of the most striking: while we thankfully don’t see the action, we HEAR IT, as does the poor kitty, and we see the aftermath: a friendly harmless dog thrown out into the cold just because it dosen’t WANT to fight. It’s just really heartrending stuff that makes the happy ending all the better. It’s also gorgeiously animated which I mentioned but i’ll say it again; the animation here is GOREGOUS, unqiue and stunning. Go watch this if you haven’t. 

Float: This is Why Krakoa Exists

This.. has easily been the hardest to review of the bunch. While ALL of these stories are very personal, very inclusive and very intresting, this one.. is a bit rougher than most of them and hits REALLY close to home. See this one was built out of director Bobby Rubio’s experinces raising his son who has autisim. 

It’s about a dad who discovers his infant son can float... and thus gets stares of fear or judgment from eveyrone around him slowly getting broken down by this. So he makes a HORRIBLE judgment call and rather than just accept some people are assholes, weighs his son’s backpack down with stones despite him hating it then drags him away when he ends up floating off, before screaming at the poor kid WHY CAN’T YOU BE DIFFRENT.. He DOES instantly regret this and the ending is genuinely touching as the father finally accepts his son is different and throws him into the air while on a swing, letting his son soar as he always should’ve. It is a beautifully animated and well meant film and the filipino representation is truly great: Rubio originally was going to have the characters as white but his fellow animators convinced him to go for represntation and be true to himself and honestly in a time when disney itself has had to be fought to get queer representation most of the time, it’s nice that pixar at least is a part of it that throughly encourages representation and will gladly put diversity and representation over any bullshit “risk factors”.  That being said.. while this was a decent short with a very well intentioned message and it clearly connected with a lot of people.. it wasn’t for me and I say this as someone who has autisim. As someone who has worn down people’s patince and been starred at by a freak for something I was way too young to properly deal with.  I’ve been in this Kid’s shoes. 

And that’s the problem: The metaphor dosen’t really work for me. While auitism CAN have some benifits and I wouldn’t be any other way i’d be lying if I said it was easy having trouble commuincating, constnatly misreading people, constnatly worrying if someone’s going to like you, and hyperfocusing on a problem instead of being able to set it and forget it for a bit to my own detriment. There’s other problems and not ALL of my issues come from anxiety disorder: I also have anxiety and depression. They just bleed badly INTO said autisim sometimes, as it’s hard to effectively combat anxiety sometimes when your mind won’t let you. 

What i’m saying is... there aren’t any FAULTS in his powers. See i’m a fan of x-men, so I can only see this boy as a mutant, and yes I know they usually manfifest at puberty but there have been exceptions so don’t at me.. and one of them who has no real downsides other than the unfair stigma of being a mutant. He’s more like storm, who can control the elements and whose power only enhances her life nad lesss like say Rogue, who looks normal.. but can’t touch anyone without knocking them out at best or horribly abosrbing them into her head at worst. There’s no downside other than the fact people judge him and his dad is a dick about it.  And the dad part is hard because I get what Rubio is going for: parents make mistakes, parents mess up and their only human even if they should embrace their kids anyway. That’s a good message and one I support.. I just think Rubio was way TOO hard on himself and thus made his stand in into an unlikeable asshole, one whose more concerned with how everyone ELSE thinks and does the horribly abusive action of basically tying his son’s wings down so he can’t fly. He mans well, it’s so his son dosen’t float off.. but instead of finding a way to help him and work with him on it.. he just stuffs rocks in his back and forces the kid to be miserable so other people can be happy. It just goes way too far in the other direction to work. As I said I think it’s the guy being too hard on himself, manifesting his worst moments with his kids and his biggest regrets and making himself into a very hard to like character because he has trouble forgviing himself for how he acted. So I want to say if you ever read this bobby while I wasn’t hte biggest fan of your film.. I do wholly support you and your son.. and the fact you made an entire FILM just to show your sturggle and show people there not alone was a beautiful act. You are not a bad person , we all make mistakes and we’re all just human. You are a good man Bobby Rubio. I may of not liked your metaphor... but your message is beautiful. 

Wind: Immigration by Way of Rocket Science

Thankfully moving on.. this one is tied with Kitbull for my faviorite. It has a truly intriguing premise, a great metaphor, stunning animation, and is just really moving, gripping and fun to watch. This one was by Edwin Chang, and as is usualy by now, it was built on personal experince.. but not his. It was built on the fact his father was an immigrant who had to leave his mother, Chang’s grandmother, behind to a better life. She rejoined them eventually but it left an impact on his father and thus serves as the core of this story. And honestly knowing that only STRENGTHENS an already impresssive sci fi short.  It’s the story of a boy, apparently named Ellis so i’ll use that, and his grandmother who live in a bizzare, hauntingly beautifuly stygian sinkhole that has floating rocks and debris. The two spend their day farming potatoes and grabbing whatever they can to hopefully make their way out. But it becomes clear to young Ellis after they find a plane his grandmother wants HIM to go alone and escape and is willing to sacrifice herself.. and ends up having to trick the boy into thinking sh’es going along in order to get him to do what he needs to surivive and thrive. It’s a truly gut wrenching story as even when she seems to have found a way for them both to leave.. it’s very clear she’s simply training him with all the welding tools and what not so he has skills to make it out there on his own in the unknown. So he can live without her.. but more importantly.. so he CAN LIVE. Away from the darkness, not having to scrape and to surivive and hopefully find something better out there. While the old parental figure sacrifciing thsmelves so the youngun can start hteir journey isn’t new.. it’s the unique, beautiful and haunting setting and the emotoin, conveyed only through the utterly beautiful animation that make this story feel fresh, along with it’s great metaphor. This short is just haunting, beauitful and really damn sad, and I only dont’ have all that much to say because it’s all in the visuals. The only thing I have left is like all of these really, watch it. But especailly this one. 

Loop: Enough Said

This is part of the reason I didn’t like Float all that much. Loop is just.. way better at conveying the experinces of having auitism. While Renee is a more severe case than me I can relate to what kicks off the film: Renee, usually paired with an adult at the camp she at, is forcibley paired with a chatty boy named Marcus. While Marcus is eager to go home and has no idea how to interact with the two the two genuinely bond, with Marcus slowly getting into Renee’s world. The key scene for this and the one that clinches the film is Renee waving her hands over the reeeds in the water, throughly enjoying it with marcus not getting it.. till he tries himself. Director Erica Milsom, whose worked with autistic children and picked this medium entriely because i’ts perfect for a non verbal character and is one that can tackle heavy issues like this in a way to help people understan, really wanted to counter most depections of severe autisim, paticuarlly sensory issues. While we see the good in them instead of JUST her freaking out or being overwhelemed: how her sounds and the things she feels truly relax her and how she really DOES enjoy nature and is perfectly at home there. It’s just a beautiful way to show this disablility is not ALL bad, as many works tend to focus soley on the drawbacks. While I had my issues with Float part of it was it had too much good.. but Loop is superior at this simply because it shows both with unflinching honesty: The beauty of something that calms and relaxes your brain or a touch or sensation that just FEEELS really good, things that while again i’m not on the same level as Renee.. I can still fully relate to.  But what puts it over float besides not having a messy metaphor is it DOES show the issues that come with it.. but does so WELL and with nuance. It shows how isolating autisim can be, especially for someone like Renee who can’t talk, how people are sometimes freaked out by you and don’t know how to interact with you and how adults can MEAN WELL, and the counsler setting them off was a good idea in the end... but can also be misguided and not fully know how to handle you without overwhelming you. It shows just how bad a panic attack can be, how you can just.. shut down and drive away. It was easily the sequence that hit the hartest and resonated the most as I’ve had those, and i’ve just shut down with no one able to reach me.. and it makes it all the more touching as Marcus eventually realizes how to handle things, and gives her space despite the setting son and the peril of being stranded.. because he realizes she needs it and offers to simply be there when she’s ready. It’s a touching, wonderful gesture, capped by him giving her a reed.. and the two heading home finally udnerstanding one another.This one is very close to wind in my heart and I think I found even more love for it writing this review and realizing just how much it hit me. And that ain’t bad. 

Out: Be Proud of Who You Are.. with the help of a gay cosmic space cat 

Speaking of hitting close to home and really resonating with me, we have Pixar’s first short with a gay main character, with his sexuality being the center of this. And as a bi person who had struggle accepting his sexuality let alone telling anyone, even when you know someoen will likely accept you.. this naturally hit hard. I took some time to realize I was bi, and when I did I was terrified of telling my mom, despite her being loving, supportive and just wonderful, same with my brother. Both fully accepted me as I figured and had no issue with it, esepcially sine my romantic history is nearly non existant anyways, but I related to our hero Greg’s fears of coming out to his parents despite them being utterly wonderful, well meaning people. It’s hard to come out, it’s hard to admit that about yourself, and it’s hard knowing you may not be accepted or things may change. I had an even harder time coming out to my dad, who I fully expected being a trump supporter and having said “if gay marriage is leagal I should be able to marry my cat”, to not support me and to loose him.. and was proud and suprised when nope, he was utterly supportive and happy for me.. if a bit awkward with the “be careful with sex” advice.. to someone whose had none and may never will due to being awkward as shit. But he meant well and the point is I really related to this, and it’s easily one of the best coming out stories of this kind, tied handily with Schitt’s Creek’s episode about Patrick coming out to his parents that dealt with the same theme.  And naturally given the nature of these shorts it was a story close to Stephen Clay Hunter’s heart, as he group up a gay nerd in the 80′s a time when homophobia was even worse and representation was near non-existent. So when given the shot he wanted to make something for a young him, something they can look at and point to and tha’ts me. And the behind the scenes short for this one sold just how... big this felt for him. To draw two men in love and embrcing, to see guys mo capping that. To see someone LIKE him on screen. It shows just how important representation is and how dumb it is it took 20 goddamn years at pixar for them to get gay. 

The short itsel is delightful as we open with a gay space cat and dog appearing in a rainbow. The Cat and Dog are watching Greg, a nice young man whose moving out of his small town with his boyfriend Manuel.. only to panic when his parents who he hasn’t come out to show up to help move and try and hide the one photo he has of them. And despite Manuel seeing it as a very easy thing to do to come out.. it’s not for Greg. He knows it’s hard and a scene of him practicing shows the poor guy breaking down at the thought of telling them despite getting every indicatio their nice people.  It’s then the whole Space Cat thing comes in as the cat enchanted Greg’s dog’s collar, so when greg puts it on as  a jest, it’s a body swap! So naturally we get tons of REALLY well animated shenanigans as Greg has to get his body back. Seriously the animation here is gorgeous with director Hunter choosing the painted on , impercet style to give it a storybook feel which fits the story perfectly.. seriously if Disney hasn’t made a story book of this do so.. and if they won’t someone on etsy do it because Etsy is apparently where the merch companies should be making happens.

The point is it’s fun, furious and leads to some great gags.. and then we get the emotional punch to the godnand as Greg bites his mom’s hand in order to prevent her finding a photo of him and his boyfriend. He instnatly regrets it, and breaking the photo in the process and goes to comfort her.. and we get easily the most emotinal, most beautiful part of it as Greg finds out his mom is hurt as she can clearly tell he’s keeping her at arms length and dosen’t want to loose him.. and she’s known all along he was gay.. just like the Schitts Creek example it’s clear she’s hurt a bit her son is scared to tell her but just wants him to be happy. So with a brilliant use of a squeaky toy greg switches back.. and comes out, with his dad warmly hugging miguel when he introduces himn and the space dog crying. Just a beautiful, charming, fun, and gorgeously animated short with some badly needed representation.

Also... one last note. This isn’t related to the short.. but Disney, who once again proves they can’t be progressive without stabbing themselves in the foot and no I will not stop giving out about this. This time’s especailly bad as while Out was heavily promoted.. the descripton DOSEN’T mention it having Pixar’s first gay lead and goes out of it’s way to hide Greg being gay despite the fact the short dosen’t and his being in the closet is the whole conflict of the short. And the not mnentiong the first gay lead thing is noticable because Loop DID rightly point out it was their first non verbal proganist. You can’t.. brag about being progressive about one thing and then try to hide your being progressive about another you idiots. Plus the “pleasing the bible belt” ship has sailed and left port. Ducktales is gay as hell with Penny being gay, even if Disney won’t let her just come out and say it, the crew still had her say it as much as they could, Violet’s dad’s being gay, Della being bi and Webby and Lena being as close to a couple you can get without disney screaming at them no. Andi Mack is fully avaliable on D+ as well.. well okay not fully because the dad turned out to be a pedophile, but still a series with a fully gay character is out there. And finally Owl House got TONS of press for having a bi progatanist and having her love intrest be a girl. Even if Dana Terrance had to FIGHT for that, and rightly so good on her, the point is you have queer characters already. The groups that hate you for that aren’t going to magically stop hating you because you hide the fact a short anyone can see from minute one is very , beautifully gay, I mean it starts with a very swishy space cat emerging from a rainbow atop a pink dog. COME ON. I only have a few words left for disney..

Okay whew, one more and we’re out of here. 

Burrow: It’s Okay to Ask for Help and To Bang a Willing Salamander This was the first one I watched today. In hindsight had I properly researched the shorts and realized how heavy they were I probably would’ve saved this one for later to help balance out the deep feels of some of these. While Burrow is VERY VERY good, as all these shorts have been even Float, it’s subject matter is a lot lighter. I mean so far we’ve had stories about toxic masculinity, animal abuse, issues accepting your child is diffrent, sacrficing yourself so your loved one can have a better life, autisim and coming out of the closet. Even Smash and Grab which is light and breezy.. still has a disney death, and is still about a heroic rush to freedom from slavery whenyou think about it. This one.. is about an insecure bunny whose afraid to ask for help and ends up learning to get it while ending up plumiting through a bunch of comedic set pieces. It’s basically if Winnie the Pooh and Bugs Bunny had a baby comedy wise, it has the warm feeling of pooh art wise, a storybook quality tha’ts utterly adoring.. but director Madeline Sharafan specifccally wanted the animators to take after chuck jones, using lots of great expressions and reactions. It has a real classic theatrical screwball comedy vibe and given The Looney Tunes, Droopy, and Tom and Jerry mean the world to me and i’m glad nto reocnnect with 2/3 thanks to HBO Max.. I fucking loved it. 

Burrow is still a personal story and is based on Sharifan’s experinces having trouble colaberating, wanting something to be fully baked before showing it off, something I agian relate to. She often hid from the others and refused to show her work until it was done while everyone else was happy to help. And as the previously used to slam disney hard with something they own Hickman Era of X-men has shown.. colaboration is just better and more freeing. By having friends and colleuge s to bounce off of you refine ideas, see how people react to them and grow a bit and that’s what the shorts about. 

The plot is easily the simpliest of these: A young bunny wants to build her dream burrow but gets self concious when she runs into a friendly mole and rat living next door to where she wants to build and keeps digging to find both privacy and her own place.. and instead ends up digging into various shenangians and other burrows from frogs, to hedgehogs to most memorably some Salmanders taking a sauna.. and in the best and most ‘how the fuck did they get away with this bit of it”, one of the salamanders ends up .. gladly removing his town and being liike “You wanna do this? I mean I got an hour free” And i’m just saying while now wasn’t the time and the offer was a little awkward i’d go for it if I was her. I mean at least ask him out for coffee later. He seems nice enough if low on boundries. Then ride him until the morning light girl, ride it. She also finds the Demon Bear from New Mutants at one point.. so that’s where he retried to after danny kicked his ass again. Neat. 

But eventually our heroione digs herself too deep and ends up hitting water before finding a 

Who sees her crumpled plans and then does the stygian call of the badger to call all the other animals to help and after they escape the flood, the bunny finally realizes their good people and lets them see the plans. So we end on our heroine and her new friends and possible salamander lover helping her settle in as she finallyg ets the home she wanted, complete with disco. I mean every home should have a disco. If I didn’t have a ceeling fan i’d have a disco ball.. and I still want one just to set somewhere or hang away from the fan . Let me dream dammit. Overally a fun, hilarious, mad dash short with a good message and a good note to go out on.

Final Thoughts: Overall.. the Sparkshorts program is fucking spectacular, a great way to let some of Pixar’s staff get into the directors chair and really shine, and a way to tackle issues that they may not be able to get greenlit into a full film. Lushily animated, well produced, Pixar has announced MORE are coming and I cannot wait. Thank you kev for comissioning this, and thank you all for reading. If your new and liked this review, follow this blog as I talk disney all the time: when they come back i’ll be doing regular coverage of Amphibia, Ducktales and the Owl House as new episodes come out every week, and i’m currently doing a retropsective on the three cablleros kev also paid for, with the finale of it, an episode by episode look at the legend of the three cablleros, starting this week. I’m also covering LIfe and times of scrooge mcduck (though infrequently for a bit), and finishing up a look at darkwing duck’s just us justice ducks, started with looks at all the players involved and finshing next week with the episode itself.  So if any of that sounds good to you, check out the archives, but goodbye, goodbye, goodbye for now. 

[mortuaest]

WARNING:

Because of the actions of the Case Managers that were and are supposed to be helping me (I have Autism, have help through programns in my state) and because of the owner of the building I am moving out of the apartment Im in because of retaliation from the owner of the building when I stated I am possibly moving out the weekend of September 20th.  He personally made it a very hostile living situation, and because of how he treats minorities/people of color/us Queer and disabled has made it ungodly almost impossible to live here and the main and only reasons why he gets away with it is because he has the local judge in his pocket and can skirt the law by doing things barely legal.   I also work 7 days a week with two different jobs while doing this so please be patient with me. Im trying my best to get over 2600 dollars for security deposit, first months rent and moving expenses all by myself.

So I just figured out how to pin a post but.  For the people who come here and see my RP blog.

~Heya, my name’s Garrus, I’m a 32 year old Autistic Non-Binary, Ace/Demi-Romantic who worked in healthcare, now had to step back start of summer 2022, severely mentally ill/trying to get better.  Im trying my best tbh my mental health is fucking trash rn.

~Please don’t make any Mass Effect jokes about me being your husband, I’ve never played the game, the jokes will go over my head, and Ive heard enough of them.

~If my IMS dont work and youre trying to send me a message regarding like, Sanako or any other of the muses listed (Ive linked Sarah and Sanako below because they’re my main muses) I don’t bite!  Please send me an ask.

~I have my queue either filled with memes, character related stuff, and or Headcannons.  Mainly memes.  Don’t be afraid to send me memes or ask if I wanna plot!  That, and if I seem active because of it, I’m not

~I am not a reblog source.  Please reblog any memes, or items that I have reblogged regarding aesthetic, clothing, weapons, etc of my characters from the source.

~I love asks.  I love threads.  I am here as a hobby, and I assume we’re all adults here even though I say don’t assume.

~Im OC friendly, and semi selective.  It doesnt mean I wont rp with you but Ill occasionally follow and unfollow.

~I prefer semi-literate to literate writing, and I prefer more than a few paragraphs. I don’t require Icons, and IDGAF if its one word if its crack.  Im trying to make icons slowly for Sanako at least (5/29/2021) so yall need to hold me to making the rest of them LOL.

~Im probably also high half of the time when I have weed, I use it to help me with my period pains (I have PCOS) mood, or sleep.  If you cant understand my reply please ask me to explain or fix it, and ask me to do it sober because legit I will and more than likely apologize for being high as balls.

~Also remember!  This is a hobby like my cosplay and I do this for fun please have fun as well ;-;  Also muse doesnt equal mun, mun doesnt equal muse.  I am not Sanako and Sarah and theyre not me, Im not nasty like they are

~Please also don’t forget, if you have a question about starters/replies and think I was high af while writing that dont be afraid to ask about it!

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[hyperfixateandchill]

aaand because I can’t stop thinking about it i’ve written down my ranking of post-finale deancas scenarios including a non-exhaustive list of pros and cons for each. read on at your own discretion.

1st place: Deancas open up the new Roadhouse. My personal favorite because, again, Dean’s canon dream. I think Dean would LOVE running his own bar and playing host and serving people food and drinks is basically his love language. Cas isn’t as into the bar vibe specifically but he enjoys seeing people come and go and getting to know the locals who come by and just being with Dean. They get to stay connected to the hunting world without being actual hunters which is probably the perfect win win situation for them.

Other Pros of the Bar scenario (i’ve thought about this a lot): Claire and Kaia come by increasingly often to visit until eventually Claire basically works part-time at the Roadhouse when she’s not off hunting and Dean starts only semi-ironically calling it the “family business.” Claire puts up pride flag stickers on the front door and Dean makes a thing of it at first but then warms up to the idea. People start catching on and now local queer people will come from several towns over to visit the bar because there aren’t exactly that many queer friendly spaces in their corner of Kansas. Then it’s pride month and Claire and Kaia secretly update the bar’s online info to explicitly draw in queer customers and on the evening of the nearest pride march the bar is PACKED with all the local gays and Cas has the pop music blaring and he will NOT let Dean change it but it’s ok because Dean’s made friends with a drag queen who’s a professional comedian and now they’re comparing calendars to see when she might be able to come do a set at the Roadhouse and basically their bar is now a gay bar. “LGBT friendly”, Dean insists, because 1. he’s not gay and 2. he still caters to the local straights and the hunters. but now hunters come in and end up sitting 2 stools away from a flamboyant!gay and some are slightly weirded out but most don’t care at all and all of them end up making some kind of comment about how they’d heard about Dean Winchester and his angel... guess it’s true huh? And Dean shoots them a cocky grin and says ‘yep’ but he still holds to the rule that pop music is only allowed on tuesdays and thursdays and maybe very late at night on the weekends when everybody’s drunk and dancing. The Roadhouse is a second home to Dean and it’s the perfect mix of middle american dive, hunter’s hangout and lgbt space, and that’s literally DEAN so it’s perfect and he gets to work with his family by his side and be a part of a community (or several) and he feels useful and happy.

Cons of the Bar scenario: Doesn’t work great with having a small child or hobbies. very long hours and unusual work schedule. would encourage Dean’s drinking habit. I.e. it might be more intense than some alternatives (unless the bar is more cafe/diner during the day and Claire/Kaia/whatever other youngins can mind the place on their own if deancas aren’t in and the bar is located quite close to their house to they can come and go).

Overall works pretty well for a more active/energetic take on deancas’s lives post-finale. 8/10

2nd place: Mix of mechanic!Dean and retired!deancas. Dean’s never had a proper job before or much of a social circle who aren’t hunters, so I find it hard to imagine Dean working at an autoshop and playing mr. normie with his coworkers. Same with Cas and a regular job.

What I can imagine, however, is Dean having his own small business where he fixes up old cars (for like, vintage car enthusiasts). It starts as a hobby but then he realizes people would pay him to do it so now it’s a business. Deancas obviously have a a house on a big plot of land near the woods and a lakeside, so there’s plenty of outdoor space for him to set up a small shop and most of his customers call ahead so he doesn’t have people just coming in anyway. The work is not quite enough to pay all the bills but again, Charlie’s magic credit card, so who cares. Cas gardens and beekeeps and occasionally sells the extras at the local farmer’s market. Dean cooks and fishes and uses Cas’s ingredients whenever possible. They spend their days on their own property, doing their hobbies on their own time and making enough money from them that they don’t feel useless and still have plenty of time left to get over-involved in Jack’s pta. It’s a very calm, contented life. the millennial hipster dream, fulfilled by two 40-some year old dads.

Pros: deancas getting to spend their days doing what they love, being ridiculously domestic and married (even if they’re not officially married), both being absolute malewives in their own ways and it’s disgustingly sweet.

Cons: this scenario doesn’t have quite as much excitement and opportunity for shenanigans as the bar scenario. Less connection to a community, more living like hermits. Dean might appreciate the more social atmosphere of a bar. Cas might be equally happy either way, but he’d probably like having Claire help them out at the bar so that’s a plus for him.

Overall a good scenario for a more placid semi-retired life. 7/10

3rd place: a bait and switch. Cas is the one who ends up still having something you could call a ‘job’, Dean is the househusband. It starts with deancas still helping saileen with HOL (hunters of letters) stuff but eventually Dean is very decided that he wants out now that things are in good hands. Cas agrees with him but still consults with the hol network since he’s got all that lore knowledge. Dean very occasionally helps with research/strategy for a hunt but that’s IT no more hunting for him, and so it ends up that Cas still comes by the bunker fairly often and works from home the rest of the time on research and translations etc and Dean’s 100% amateur chef-in-training and papa bear because now nobody can look down on him for being a housewife (or nobody he gives a shit about anyway) so he’s gone all in. and whenever he comes by the bunker these days is after he’s picked up Jack from school and he comes to join their family to cook them all dinner while they finish up the work.

Pros: love me a Dean who’s gotten over his hypermasculinity and is now comfortable with doing whatever he likes even if (sometimes specially if) that thing is considered stereotypically feminine. It’s his big fuck you to his dad and it’s the life mary had wanted when she was young and dean is mary and therefore he’s honoring her memory when he spends his days on a bright airy kitchen making lunch for his 4 year old and waiting for his ex-soldier husband he adores to come home and doing not one bit of hunting. except dean never had to lie about his past and cut ties with his hunter family to get this. which is why this time for him it works, when it didn’t for mary or sam. love that energy.

Cons: Dean is not in fact just a malewife and would probably still want some more action in his life. might feel kinda useless with Cas having a ‘thing’ to do when he doesn’t. Cas would be perfectly happy regardless though.

Overall heartwarming and sweet but not as realistic: 6/10

4th: Disheveled-magic-shop-owner!Cas (+ Sam and Dean). Just thought of this. Cas knows his shit about spell ingredients and magical objects and supernatural weapons, probably more than even Sam. And Cas gardens. And Cas most likely enjoys pinterest and mom blogs and finds out about etsy... So Cas may or may not start growing/hoarding specific goods he knows are useful in the hunting world. at first it’s just to help HOL out but eventually Dean realizes like... we could profit off of this? And Cas eye-rolls because he doesn’t care but then again he knows his shit so he sets up a poorly-designed website to sell hunting stuff. and maybe Sam goes in on it with him because Sam also knows his shit and it’s kind of cute because they work together and Dean probably does the mechanic/barkeep/househusband thing though he does help with making the special bullets and dropping off parcels at the post office and so on. And maybe eventually they open up a small magic shop where they sell their shit. And maybe the shop is next door to the Roadhouse and it’s all become ‘your one-stop shop for everything a hunter might need’ (and you know the gays like their new age shit too so it all works), and the bunker isn’t even far away either and all three business are interconnected, the ‘family business’ that AU John Winchester of Hunter Corp wished he’d created.

Pros: Cas gets to do a thing he’s knowledgeable and passionate about and Deancas get to leave hunting while staying adjacent to the community. Cas as a disheveled shopkeep who’s not particularly nice to customers but who provides them with insights and mysterious comments that make people certain he must be legit.

Cons: Cas using his knowledge of the supernatural to profit off of hunters sounds too capitalist and not very Cas-like. He would be the type to gladly give people stuff for free and methinks that Dean and Sam would feel that way too. Cas helping with HOL stuff is basically established in options 1-3 already and so is him gardening for potentially useful ingredients. He doesn’t need to sell this stuff in a shop.

Overall makes sense theoretically but doesn’t vibe well for me. 5/10

5th: full on retirees, doing basically the same things as no 2 except with maybe some more travelling and less caring about making money from any of it.

Pros: the “and they lived happily ever after” they deserve after all the shit they’ve been through.

Cons: boring. uneventful. Dean and Cas are still quite young and neither’s had a chance at something even resembling a normal life for more than a couple of months at a time. They should get more of a middle aged married life experience before moving on to full retirement.

Overall valid but less interesting: 4/10

6th: Cas gets a job at a local library or shop, Dean is either a mechanic or a househusband. To preface, if Cas were to get a job out there in the world, my favorite would be like a magic shop or a bookshop with *unique* books. But I find that unlikely unless Cas is running his own shop (see 4th place for that). So here we’re talking about a regular normie shop.

Pros: Cas has a job he likes and feels useful in? And he’s not completely tied down to Dean all the time (though not sure that counts as a pro). More of the ‘normal life’ vibes.

Cons: Cas working at a random bookstore or library or shop or whatever would be passably interesting but not as fulfilling or useful or fun as any of the other options.

Overall valid but not interesting or all that heartwarming. 2/10

6th: deancas don’t know any life outside of hunting so they keep on doing it, except now with lower stakes than before and they go on less actual hunts.

pros: umm... consistency? they keep working closely with saileen and the new hunters who start coming by/moving into the bunker.

cons: everything. Dean’s wanted out and he should get it. Cas literally died several times over and he should get to experience a human life with the man he loves and not just do more dangerous shit.

Overall a terrible idea. 1/10 (because 0/10 would be the Cas never comes back and Dean dies and goes to heaven scenario)

[my-aeipathy]

Hello everyone! It’s your friendly blog owner, Anthony, here :)

I wanted to share something. I don’t speak often of my personal life on this specific blog, but one aspect of Tumblr of which I’m so very grateful is the ability to forge community bonds and friendships with like-minded individuals and people of backgrounds similar to my own.

As a gay Asian man (affectionately termed “gaysian” by some), I’ve been fortunate to use Tumblr as a writing outlet, sharing my own experiences and finding common threads with individuals around the world. Out of this endeavor, I’ve become acquainted with two projects that attempt to create communities of gay Asian individuals and to spotlight their stories. 

GaysianThirdSpace (a.k.a. G3S)

Gay Asian and Pacific Islanders (gaysians) represent a unique “double minority” population in many western countries - we are not only a minority in ethnic background but also in sexual orientation. Growing up and dealing with both institutionalized discrimination and the stigma against homosexuality can be an incredibly challenging and isolating experience. Unlike many of our friends who do not share the same minority status, many gaysians lack proper role models to learn from at a critical time during the development of their self-identities. In fact, for the vast majority, our first contact with other gaysians and gay social groups are facilitated through dating apps and the clubbing/raving scenes . Yet too often, the apps and gay bars are platforms that prioritize physical beauty, instant gratification, objectification, and sexual prowess at the expense of more meaningful connections.

In light of this reality, we decided to create the Gaysian Third Space, an alternative global platform for individuals looking for Community. A Community that is a safe and supportive environment where members encourage each other to grow and mature as they explore their identity. A Community where we can share our stories and struggles on coming out, family, school/career, romance, body image, and relationships that perhaps only other gaysians can understand. A Community that gives voice to the “double minority” on timely issues because our perspective is valid and deserves to be heard. That is our vision for Gaysian Third Space.

Gaysian Diaries

In a social setting, it can be hard to open up about personal issues. I wanted to create a space where we can let our walls down and share each other’s experiences. If my story reaches even one person out there and makes them feel less alone, then I don’t regret telling this story.

I invite you all to share your stories as well. As queer and transgender API’s, our stories are largely invisible to mainstream media, online content, and even our personal conversations. We all have so many stories to share that are unique to us as individuals but still relatable to the entire community.

I ask that you check them out for yourself if you are so inclined, share them with your peers who may be interested, and give them a follow+like+reblog for the outstanding content they create. I would be most grateful for your assistance in helping me foster the community with which I have become acquainted.

[santamonicaday]

🌈 SaMo PRIDE: Get to Know Kathleen Rawson, Leo Garcia and Brandy/Emily

In honor of Pride Month, we are celebrating the diversity of our community by asking different members of the LGBTQA community to share their story, ideas and perspective on Santa Monica.  These bios originally appeared in the June edition of Seascape. 

Kathleen Rawson CEO, Downtown Santa Monica, Inc.  1) How do you identify?

I came out as a lesbian in my early 20s, during my last years of college. I grew up in a small, central Minnesota town and the LGBTQ+ community was very invisible. I didn’t even tell my family until I moved to California.

2)What else can we do to make our City welcoming for LGBTQ people? 

As you can imagine, it was a significant change from Minnesota. Not only was I in a new town, just out of college and trying to find my way, I was also involved in my first real romantic relationship where I was living with someone, sharing our lives together as a couple. I remember those early days walking down the boardwalk, holding hands and there were plenty of times where that felt unsafe. So you stop holding hands. It was 1988, and I wouldn’t say I was overly comfortable, but certainly more so than in Minnesota. There were plenty of times when we had a conversation at work and the gender of the person I was living with was omitted. I was concerned about how my co-workers would react. People could be hostile. It wasn’t safe. Now, it’s completely different. When my partner and I decided to have our first child, we had no choice but to be true to ourselves and who we are as a couple. It was a conscious decision and the right one. For every job, every scenario, I was definitely out. And, generally speaking, people have always been very open and accepting. It has changed dramatically, as the world has changed. But Santa Monica has always been more accepting than other places I have lived.

Leo Garcia Executive Director, Highway Performance Space and resident 1) How do you identify?  As a gay Latino man.

2) What brought you to Santa Monica? I feel that in 1991 Santa Monica was a forgotten beach community and so it was perfect. The promenade was manageable in terms of traffic and shopping and community. Now, I’m concerned about its growth and how that growth is changing Santa Monica. I prefer to be positive about Santa Monica and there many conversations that can take place about growth, diversity, affordability and all that is important to me.

3) What’s your experience in Santa Monica, and how has it changed since you arrived?  I was a multi-hyphened artist who settled here. I was bi-coastal between NYC and Santa Monica for about four or five years, until I stayed here longer than I stayed in NYC. Travel became very complicated and so did the bicoastal life. I chose to stay in one place for a while and Santa Monica was that place. There’s no place I’d rather be.

4)What else can we do to make our City welcoming for LGBTQ people?  Though Santa Monica is generally gay-friendly, I don’t think anyone thinks of Santa Monica as a place for LGBTQ people to connect. It’s a seemingly liberal California beach community and I believe LGBTQ people, like all people, enjoy the beach and the climate, so like all others, they find there way here to enjoy the city. I’ve no doubt that there are families with gay children here. I know there are LGBTQ home and business owners and renter, but I don’t think of Santa Monica as a gay enclave. I’ve heard a little about the gay community Santa Monica in the past and would love to learn more.

Brandy & Emily  Resident 1) How do you identify? She / Her / Hers

2)What else can we do to make our City welcoming for LGBTQ people?  Coming from San Francisco, the lack of Santa Monica queer-friendly venues, bars and events was surprising. We hope the addition of this Pride event, and the Birdcage will help encourage more of an LGBTQ community

from The Insider's Guide to the Beautiful City of Santa Monica https://www.santamonica.gov/blog/samo-pride-get-to-know-kathleen-rawson-leo-garcia-and-brandy-emily

[hottytoddynews]

Jaime Harker, owner of Violet Valley Bookstore in Water Valley, wants her little nonprofit shop to serve as a safe place for members of the LGBTQ community and anyone else who loves books. Photo by Olivia Wells

For Jaime Harker, her LGBTQ-friendly bookstore in Water Valley is more than a business—it’s a mission.

“It feels good to give something back,” said Harker, an English professor and director of the Sarah Isom Center for Women and Gender Studies at the University of Mississippi. “I want a kid to come in, get a book and find hope and a future here. This is what I can do. I can open an LGBTQ bookstore that suggests, ‘There’s a place for you here. We want you here. Stay here.’”

The little bookstore, sandwiched into an alley on Water Valley’s Main Street, has housed a barber shop and art gallery in the past. Photo by Olivia Wells

Opening a bookstore has always been Harker’s dream. After a small space in an alley on Main Street obtained a roof and went through several identities—from a barber shop to an art gallery—this 10×40 window of opportunity practically fell into Harker’s lap.

“I always thought it was something that might happen eventually after retirement, but never this soon,” she said. “I brainstormed with some buddies on a name, and when it was suggested, I immediately knew that was it: Violet Valley. I loved the alliteration, and violets are a symbol of lesbian communities. It was perfect,” she said.

Harker added that the “valley” in the name also relates to Water Valley—her home of nine years.

The idea for what Harker has described as a “queer feminist bookstore” came to her last spring after her friend, Coulter Fussell, who utilized the space as an art gallery, started making textiles and quilts. Fussell realized there wasn’t enough space to comfortably lay out her work, leading to a conversation with Harker about taking over the space.

In addition to running Violet Valley, Harker is an English professor and director of the Sarah Isom Center for Women and Gender Studies at Ole Miss. Photo by Olivia Wells

“I knew I needed to seize the opportunity,” Harker said. “The rent was extremely affordable, and I knew it would bring a notable overflow of Main Street traffic. I thought that with my other job, I might not have the time, but, soon after, I decided I should just go ahead and do it. It all seemed to just come together.”

Harker and an informal board of three other members are in charge of the bookstore.

“I’m the president, so I guess that makes me the owner and the one legally responsible,” she said, with a laugh.

The board members form a strong network; one works with OUT Oxford, another has worked for Square Books, and the third one is a member of the American Association of University Women, which gave a huge donation of books to the fledgling bookstore.

A Kickstarter campaign helped spread the word about the new business. “We put together a little video about the bookstore idea, and we had no idea how or if we’d raise any money at all,” Harker said. “We thought we’d at least try, and within four days, we’d reached our goal,” she said.

While not everyone has welcomed Violet Valley to town, owner Jaime Harkin said the generally positive reaction has renewed her faith in humanity. Photo by Olivia Wells

Soon after the bookstore’s stance of inclusion of the LGBTQ community became publicized, backlash and false rumors started to build in the community and surrounding area.

“It was a real bummer and was very distressing,” Harker recalled. “Some who didn’t understand what this was were going to social media. They assumed, after hearing ‘gay,’ that it meant porn. My personal favorite, though, was a rumor circulating that there was a lesbian gang rolling into town who were going to take over. I heard that and thought about how I’ve been looking for a lesbian gang my whole life.” Harker laughed. “Where are they?”

Harker said the rumors seemed to have subsided lately, but the rush to judgment—and the tendency to assume the worst—reminded her why opening this bookstore was such an important thing to do.

“It provided the opportunity to correct the misconceptions and say, ‘Hey, this is what it really is—calm down.’ I realized if there could possibly be this much misunderstanding of what this bookstore is, that’s why it’s so necessary to have it,” Harker added.

The bookstore, which has earned publicity around the state and the nation, had a “soft opening” the weekend after Thanksgiving, and Harker joked that it was really just an unannounced trial run to make sure they knew how to work the cash register. Violet Valley’s official opening, however, took place the first weekend of December.

Children’s books keep the little ones entertained at Violet Valley. Photo by Olivia Wells

“What’s special about this place is that we welcome everyone,” she said. “We have such a wide array of books that don’t just fall into the LGBTQ category. On opening night, we were buzzing. People were bringing in their kids, and children’s books were sprawled all over the floor. Of course, it made me smile.”

Since opening Violet Valley, Harker said she has been overwhelmed with the positivity surrounding the bookstore. Her faith in humanity, she said, has been renewed.

“I’ve gotten boxes of book donations, cards from people I’ve never met, letters thanking me for my courage, and even some telling me about their personal stories of growing up in Mississippi, saying they could’ve really used a place like this as a kid,” Harker noted. “They talk about how happy and hopeful it makes them.”

Harker said several people have unexpectedly reached out to help, including a minister who made a financial donation and asked for a shelf to be named in his daughter’s honor, since she was the person who educated him about feminist and gay issues.

Harker hopes the bookstore creates opportunities for enlightening conversations.

“Most people have gay kids, grandkids, aunts or uncles, but many live elsewhere and don’t feel comfortable here,” she said. “I’ve even noticed that the bulk of my students have moved away because they feel there’s no place for them here or that they’re not welcome. We’ve been sending our best talent away for decades. We talk about the ‘brain drain’ of Mississippi but not the cultural steps we should take to fix it.”

Finding solutions to this vexing problem became Harker’s mission when she took over the old barber shop with the blush-pink sink tucked away behind the counter.

“We have rainbow flags on the wall, and you’re welcome here. Here’s a space you can feel safe in. That goes for not only the LGBTQ community, but everybody,” she smiled.

Althought Violet Valley is a LGBTQ-friendly bookstore, its book selections run the gamut from literary fiction, romance and mysteries to comics and cookbooks. Photo by Olivia Wells

In fact, Violet Valley has book selections for everyone, from genres like literary fiction, mystery, self-help and romance to comics and cookbooks. Harker said she’ll even place special orders for customers if they have something in particular they’re looking for.

The bookstore is labeled “education nonprofit,” meaning the sole purpose is to put books in people’s hands inexpensively. Some of the books cost only a dollar or two.

In the upcoming year, Harker has decided to start holding events, including readings and reading groups, as well as adding paid staff apart from current volunteers.

Violet Valley is located on Main Street in Water Valley and is open on Fridays and Saturdays from 10 a.m. to 4 p.m.

Olivia Wells is a freelance writer based in Oxford, Miss.

The post How a Gay-Friendly Bookstore Restored Jaime Harker’s Faith in Humanity appeared first on HottyToddy.com.

[dcnativegal]

Learning the lingo

After 6 months in the Oregon Outback, I am slowly learning the lingo:

·        Cali refers to California. Washington is usually Washington state.

·        A rig can be anything from a tiny pickup to an enormous truck hauling cows. The latter is also referred to as a cow can.

·        Ontario is not in Canada and Albany is not in New York. They’re both in Oregon.  

·        PCS refers to a legal charge, possession of a controlled substance. And unless you have a medical marijuana card, you WILL be busted if you are in possession of weed. Every single one of my new clients who see me for substance use disorder is court mandated. I’m getting to know the probation officers.  Nice people, although one is a scary badass. I’m glad I’m not under his scrutiny.

·        The ‘nun’s cap’ is the white thingie that people pee into so as to pour more neatly their pee into a small plastic container.

·        Tameeka and Lattigo are white girls.

·        “Meadow maggots” is a derogatory term for sheep. Apparently, cow ranchers look down on sheep ranchers. Who knew.

·        I can tell a heifer from a bull or steer. I just learned how to tell a hen from a rooster. I recognize an owl call including a baby owl which is very different. I still know nothing about cuts of beef. All I know is my favorite is filet mignon, always has been. Medium well done please.  If you like beef, Lake County is the place to be. We ate steak at a friend’s house that was one of the “Murphy cows.” Now that’s eating local and organic.

 Things I’m getting used to:

·        Traveling on a road all by myself for dozens of miles before there is another vehicle.

·        Not locking anything

·        Not recycling anything. Sorry. It’s a huge hassle here… I’ll work on that, especially cans…

·        Bad teeth. Many people here have missing teeth. I do wonder what they can eat and how they accommodate the missing ones.

·        No one, but no one, dresses up. I’ve been to a funeral. One person besides me wore dressy black. This is a very casually dressed place. I might end of giving away all my dressy stuff.  

·        Horseshoe art. I am the proud owner of a horseshoe Christmas tree.

·        Actual tumbleweeds, blowing across the road.

·        The lack of ethnic food. I like a couple of diners that are run by Mexican people, and the food is delish. There’s a Chinese food place in Lakeview­­. A fabulous Thai place in Klamath. In Paisley, we prefer the pizza at the Pioneer to the pizza at Homestead Café, but the beef au jus is better at the Homestead.  I dream of tekel gomen and doro tibs with injera, but even the Ethiopian place in Reno NV has closed.

·        The old air raid siren in Lakeview that rises up and into everyone’s awareness (everyone who can hear with their ears) every weekday at noon. Same sound that I heard once in Brooklyn when visiting Jonah. It was Friday early evening and the air raid siren goes off. I’m startled and probably cursed: what the hell is that? Jonah says, oh it’s the beginning of Sabbath for the Hasidim. In Lakeview, it’s a test of the volunteer fire department. Which tries very hard.

·        Ahem, everyone has medical flight insurance.

Things I can’t get used to:

·        Watching for deer on the road. They spring out of nowhere. I saw a pickup truck hit a deer right in front of me. The deer was so young I thought it was a dog. It hit the front and flew into the edge of the road. The truck stopped and I road on past, shaken. Minutes later, I was helping Valerie feed the cows. I’m sitting in Old Blue, odometer north of 475,000 miles, with the seat coil pinching my left flank, and I’m driving it through an eager and hungry crowd of yearlings. I was panicked that I’d hit one, and the damn fools are going counterclockwise around the truck as I lurch forward with the clutch and the gas. They’re wondering, is the hay coming off the other side? Am I missing some alfalfa?? I didn’t hit any but I was terrified. I’ve already killed a chipmunk and a rabbit…

·        People take serious lunch breaks and whole operations shut down for 90 minutes. The post office, the library, the DMV. If it’s a one-person show, of course they need a break.  Just a TAD inconvenient, and I often forget.

·        Listening to Oregon Public Radio and the strongest station is in Portland so the weather has nothing to do with our weather, east of the Cascades. When I listen to the Lakeview station there’s a bit of a mention, but I seem to miss the local reports. I’m used to living in the capital city of the most powerful country in the world. Oh and most of the weather is the same through large swaths. Here there are microclimates every 10 miles. Weather.com says it’s 31 but my thermometer tells me its 36. I’m told Paisley is in a banana belt. I’ve yet to see any banana trees.

·        Howling winds. Pretty normal around here apparently, especially in North Lake where I work now, but when there is a wind advisory, which is frequent in winter, we’re talking 80mph gusts. I wait for the roof to fly off. So far, still there. I’ve never before been kept awake by wind.

·        The almost complete absence of black people. One of my addicts told me, when I mentioned how few there are here, said wait ‘til the July 4th fireworks. There’ll be something like 20 black people!

 Things I’m getting more used to but is still hard:

·        Conservative points of view. Anti-immigrant especially. Which I don’t understand. I’ve heard this opinion from several people, spontaneously, like when I was getting the computer all tuned up to start an assessment, and this loquacious client says, what do you think about Trump and his immigration stuff? I think it’s great: not enough jobs for Americans. Those wetbacks come here and jump on welfare…   All of which is so not true. But what I do is give him a look and say, so, what brings you here?  Another time I was hanging out in the only pharmacy in all of Lake County (does that not boggle the mind??) and there are three women of a certain age hanging out at the register, and one says to another, those immigrants sure don’t have a work ethic. I couldn’t help myself, I said, at the register, That’s not true! And the woman who turned to tend to me didn’t look at me, rang me up, and wished me a nice day. Right. I came out to her sidekick on another visit. I’d picked up Valerie’s medication and the woman says, Oh so YOU’RE the Little! And I said, no, I’m the Lincoln, Valerie Little is my partner. Again, no eye contact, and “oh, I’ve got it now!” I’m just coming out willy nilly. I really can’t be bothered. We’re here (in tiny numbers in Lake County), we’re queer, and I’m not hiding that fact from you. My timidity from my early weeks here has vanished.

·        Terrible internet. There’s still a wait list for new accounts in Paisley and in some other parts of Lake County, and there’s some delay. If I had more energy I’d do some research and then bug the shit out of one of my elected representatives. Of course, we the internet-less are maybe 50 families? But still….  One blessing: getting to know the library, which has wifi and an amazing librarian. We use a MiFi gizmo which maxes out pretty quickly when I stream, so I don’t. No more binge watching. Another blessing: I’m actually reading books again.

·        It’s way harder to see the people I love. I have to ship my kids in at great expense, with long drives to retrieve them, and a motel room at either end. I hope my sister and some portion of her family can come visit. Any friend who wants to see the Oregon Outback on the way to Crater Lake and then the coast of Oregon has a bedroom in my house, and I’ll come get you from Reno or Portland. Preferably Reno.  There are also tiny airports in Eugene and Klamath, if you have the money.

·        My church. Hard, but I still go.

What I love:

·        The broad vistas everywhere, even looking toward the end of the street, there’s a field, and mountains in the distance. The changing sky, and sun and clouds. The look of the animals in the fields, mostly cows, but also horses, sheep, goats and llamas or are they alpacas? And there’s that Shetland pony farm by Klamath Falls.

·        I’ve discovered some amazing podcasts which keep me awake during the long drives around here. This American Life, Moth Radio Hour and Modern Love are my favorites.

·        The clean air. It’s so windy that it’s always fresh. Except in Lakeview which has some sort of air pattern that holds smoke and fog close to town.

·        The lack of sirens. I only think about them when I’m in a city like Eugene or Bend and hear one.

·        The lack of pretension. I’m talking about yards and houses. Whatever shelters you from the wind can be a home. Fifth wheels or recreational vehicles can be a ‘tiny house’—I believe others have pointed out the difference in class between tiny houses and mobile homes. (Sorta like erotica is for rich people, porn for everyone else.) A whole lot of people out here live in mobile homes, or rather, manufactured homes. Cozy, affordable housing. There may be chickens in the yard, 5 vehicles in various stages of disrepair, a wagon full of bark (as in our front yard), or a fence made of wagon tires. Whatever. The chair of any DC area homeowner’s association would have a heart attack here.

·        Friendliness. The tiny waves from drivers in cars (a flick of the fingers up from the steering wheel.)   People holding doors open for you when you’re not that close to the door. Even when they don’t approve of your ‘lifestyle’ as I know one storekeeper most vehemently does not, I am waited on courteously.  I figure that much of this is because of the monoculture and the general scarcity of humans. George Lakoff calls this “in-group nurturance.”  Still, it’s nice. In DC, I was so tired of being honked at by the car right behind me at every green light. Here in Lake County? No green, or yellow lights. There are two blinking red lights that I know of just so you’ll wake up from your long drive stupor and notice there’s another tiny highway intersecting.

·        I live in a lovely loft-home made cozy from Valerie’s Korean furniture and my art. I’ve made a life here. I work 3 days a week, which is in my opinion an absolutely ideal schedule, especially when the work is so demanding of heart and mind as mine is for me. I have a writer’s group, a church, and a couple of friends. I’m grateful for a generous coworker who’s helping me get acclimated to Christmas Valley: another planet in the solar system of Lake County. Talk about off the grid….and not hippies either. More like burnt out and traumatized veterans. I live with my lover and friend, Miss Valerie, when she isn’t a ranch hand. She gets ‘sirred’ in Lakeview restaurants, but so what, we share the huevo rancheros without skipping a beat. She’s funny, practical, and creative. Girl has a work ethic that puts me entirely to shame. Also frugal. This is one of our power struggles. I’m like, buy the damn thing. She’s like, ‘make it, fake it or do without.’  This frontier world is about that for real. I make her laugh, she demands kisses as I walk by, and when I’m eating solid food, she makes me eggs every morning and scrapes off ice from the windshield. The cross-continent relocation was well worth the schlep.

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