#I'VE JUST BEEN REREADING THIS OVER AND OVER AGAIN IT MAKES ME SO HAPPY

[coloursflyaway]

i'm finally going through the comments on heaven to no one else but me (i'm so sorry for the delay, btw, but i was gone over the weekend and you guys were SO sweet that i wanted to take the time to reread everything and make sure i'd respond properly) and i just had A Thought.

i've been putting charles through the ringer lately, which i love doing, because that boy suffers so prettily. but how about a fic in which through magical hijinks charles loses his memory, and edwin is the one left behind?

and charles is like he always is, which is bright and happy and clever and wonderful, and he takes to edwin like he did last time ("so we're best friends? that's pretty cool, i never thought i'd get a best friend this clever! how do you put up with me?") and he's the same, but also, he's not.

because all the time they had together changed charles, just like they changed edwin, and there is something impossibly nostalgic about seeing charles like this, like a snapshot of thirty years ago, but at the same time, it's the most painful experience of edwin's life, because charles has forgotten everything about what made them them.

the synergy isn't there anymore, the ease they usually move with together, the references to older cases and the inside jokes they have.

one time, edwin holds out his hand on instinct; charles asks, "huh? what do you need?" instead of putting their magic screwdriver into it.

edwin doesn't do it a second time.

and there is a beauty, maybe, in watching charles get to know him again, but god, it breaks edwin's heart every second of the way.

and they go through remedy after remedy and nothing works, and edwin has to face the possibility that he might still have a best friend, but he'll never get His Best Friend back, and it's not enough to destroy him, because charles is still there, but god, it is close.

(charles, at the same time, is baffled by everything edwin knows about him and how close they must have been and is this really everything, is edwin keeping something from him? did they - he can hardly think it, because surely it can't be true, this doesn't happen to him, he's not worth of this happening to him - kiss? is this why edwin looks at him so dejectedly when he thinks charles doesn't notice?)

and charles keeps asking questions, like he is trying to figure something out, until one day, he kisses edwin. straight on the lips, a hint of a question in the curve of his mouth, and edwin is both overwhelmed and devastated, because this is what he had been hoping for before charles had lost his memory, and yet he cannot enjoy it now, because it's not His Charles; and yet he cannot pull away, because it is Still Charles and edwin loves him in any way he can.

it feels like cheating somehow, but what if he'll never get charles back, what if this is all that is left of their friendship now?

so he kisses back anyway, and when charles smiles against his lips, edwin thinks maybe, just maybe, it could be okay.

only that a few days, or maybe a few weeks later, something happens and charles suddenly looks at him and he's Back, edwin can see it in his eyes, and -

-and how can he explain this to charles now, that he let himself be kissed by charles when he was not himself, how can he look charles in the eyes when he knows that he has taken advantage of him like this, has he gotten his best friend back now only to lose him again because he couldn't control himself around charles and-

-and charles smiles at him, says, "hi. good to be back. i missed you."

and he takes edwin's hand, who still cannot speak, cannot think, and presses a kiss to the back of it.

"guess i just had to start all over again to realise i could absolutely fall in love with you, huh?" he says, and he looks at edwin like he used to a week ago, like he used to a decade ago, and edwin is crying before he knows it, fingers curling around charles' to hold onto him.

"did you?", he asks, and charles just laughs, sweet and happy and safe.

"oh absolutely. although i think i might have started thirty-odd years ago."

[seventeencryinghorses-blog]

Hello~ I was wondering if you could do a headcannon for a Crocodile x reader who has worked with him since Alabasta. As of late, after forming Crossguild, he's realizing that he has feelings for her and it pisses him off.

It's good I reread this because I almost starting writing you having feelings and it annoying him. Anyway I know headcanons are usually formatted different and worded different so I just tried to copy what i've seen. Sorry if it's weird, it's my first time. Be gentle 🥺. If i did something wrong just tell me. Also my first ask that isn't me squeee!

Crocodile the love struck (reptile) fool

Crocodile x fem reader. Crocodile isn't happy that this is an x reader because he's a control freak. 821 words.

You’re a hard worker, a competent worker, and a loyal worker. Those are facts, viable facts that could be proven in the fact that you work just as hard now as you do in Alabasta despite having less incentive to; despite having the opportunity to leave him when he was in Impel Down. It’s why he’s so in denial about these unwanted feelings at first, then angry that he has them. Things are already so hectic, he doesn’t need anything else to be out of his control.

• It started with your smile, as cliche as it is, the one you wore even though work can be anything but fun.

• He found it irritating at first, work is something to be taken seriously, but came to appreciate it.

• First because it meant you enjoyed your job well enough, something he likes since it means more loyalty.

• Now that he'a formed Cross Guild, it's because it brightens his own day; and to the point where now it’s like some sort of drug.

• One where if he doesn’t get it he gets on edge, making work even duller.

• It’s embarrassing, a fully grown old man like him getting cranky because doesn’t get a smile from a pretty girl he likes. Pathetic.

• It ends up putting him in an even worse mood when he notices it.

• Another thing that annoys him is how much he likes your voice.

• You’ve even started having to repeat things to him because he was too focused on how nice it sounds and feels to hear you talk to him.

• He wouldn’t be surprised if you thought he’d gone senile at this point…

• Thankfully you don’t show it if you do feel that way.

• Something he does wish you’d show is distaste for when any of the other men talk to you.

• He knows it’s mostly good work ethic communicating with them well, it helps now that you’re allied with other people, but sometimes he wishes you’d sneer at Mihawk or scoff at Buggy rudely.

• Show that you dislike talking to them, hate talking to anyone that isn’t him.

• There are the childish thoughts again…

• He’s 46 for gods’ sake, someone who’s killed both with his own hands and from his indirect actions.

• Not some schoolboy getting fussy that his crush is talking to someone else.

• Maybe feelings like “fussy” would be better though, would be safer for you; because they’re not always so childish.

• He wants you all to himself, you’re his anyway.

• You worked with him in Alabasta, waited for him while he was in Impel down, and work with him again in Cross Guild even if the work is more taxing; and less rewarding.

• You stayed with him, so loyal for him, so it makes sense that you’re his

• He wants to shower you with things you’d like, not just to dress his pretty girl up, but to guilt you into staying with him.

• To give him more of an excuse to be protective over you than just having feelings.

• What a terrible thing to think, but he’s never been a morally correct person.

• Either way, it’s not like he could actually do anything to hurt you.

• He’s tried, you can become a serious weakness for him.

• But everytime he tries there’s always an excuse.

• “She’s too useful.” “She’s a good worker.” “l still need her for this.” “It’d be a hassle.” “She makes my work easier.” “I’ll do it once I get my power back.”

• Though those are viable reasons that stop him, they aren’t truly the core reason.

• The reason is because he loves you, and it drives him mad.

• As mad as when you smile for others, or your hands brush together, or you call his name while looking up at him with those pretty eyes he wants looking nowhere else.

• You’re so beautiful, he loves you.

• He wishes that the feelings would just go away with time, with the fatigue he gets from working days straight.

• But they don’t, and they only get stronger.

• Especially when you do things to make even the smallest things easier.

• Making sure his cigar drawer is always full, bringing him water, telling him the time when he loses track of it.

• When he notices you telling him the time while looking sleepy yourself, he almost grabs you to pull you into his lap.

• Hold you, cage you into his arms and give you a kiss with all the emotion he’s been building up.

• But he can’t lose control, so he doesn’t.

• He just sends you off with a “Thanks, get some sleep yourself before you pass out on the job.”

• Once you turn, you can’t see the way his eyes follow you with a warmth he didn’t even know he had.

• And once the door is closed behind you, you don’t see the way he puts his head in his hands with a “Fuck.”

[mythicmanuscripts]

oh my goodness! okay, first and foremost -- thank you for all the stuff you write, it is SO hard to get good sub!HOTD boys content, you are literally an oasis in the desert. i've binge read and then reread all you stuff and it is FANTASTIC!!

what about sweet, sensitive sub!jace already in subspace or even in subdrop? maybe you find him that way when you walk in, and you give him all the cuddles and comfort and touch him how he needs with all the love?

I love this idea!! I’m so so glad to hear that you like my stuff, I started this blog specifically because I was struggling to find sub!hotd characters content so I am very happy to hear you’re liking my stuff.

This idea is brilliant and I definitely would love to discuss Jace in subspace and subdrop more so if anyone has any ideas let me know!! For now I’m gonna write you walking in on Jace in subspace and teetering on the edge of subdrop. So angsty NSFW sub!jace below the cut! But I don’t worry, there’s a happy ending!!

So firstly, as we’ve said before, Jace wouldn’t like jerking off at all. Sure it felt good and he went through being a horny teenager, but he didn’t like it because of how sensitive and overwhelmed he got afterwards. Jerking off always resulted in him crying himself to sleep and trying desperately to make sure nothing touches cock.

Of course this all changes when he meets you and he experiences how good things can feel and how safe he can be when there’s someone there to help him. He can hide in your chest every time he cums and you’ll hold his hand afterwards and you’ll never ever be disappointed in him for not being able to continue.

All of this is to say that after he married you he masturbated even less than before. Now that he knows how it is with you, he never wants to experience it alone again.

So even if you were away for weeks, I don’t think Jace would be able to bring himself to do more than grind against your pillow until you return.

However, I think this scenario could happen if you get called away? Like maybe you and Jace are spending the morning in bed, having a very rare relaxed moment together. You’ve been kissing for a while, hands wondering all over each other’s body. Jace is so plaint in your arms, letting you do whatever you want and trying his best to actually kiss you back instead of just whining into your mouth.

You start to palm him through his briefs then, listening to the way he whimpers your name. You’re gentle with it, because you don’t want to overwhelm him. You stick to just softly palming his bulge and praising him for being so so good for you.

He’s starting to get really worked up when a messenger knocks on the door. You know it must be serious because Jace told everyone not to either you two that morning unless absolutely necessary. You go talk to the person at the door, and they tell you something has happened that needs you or Jace, or preferably both.

Jace is in absolutely no state to be in public whatsoever, so sending him or coming with him are both out of the question. But you can’t avoid this, someone needs to handle this.

So as much as it pains you to do, you go back to Jace and explain what happened, telling him that you’re going to go sort it out and that he doesn’t need to move or do anything at all. Jace, bless him, is as understanding as he can be. He knows this is a war and any of you could be called upon at any time, but damnit he was so enjoying the slow morning make out session.

You give him a kiss on the forehead and tell him that you’ll be be back as soon as you can. You also tell him that he can cum on his own or just jerk off on his own because you don’t want Jace to become too desperate to stop himself and then he feels like he’s done something very bad even when he really hasn’t.

So with all that done, you race off to handle the chaos, and when you rerun the sight that greets you is heartbreaking.

You realise pretty quickly that Jace jacked off and came, not only because of how you found him but also because he didn’t have his underclothes on anymore.

He’s curled up on the bed, hugging your pillow with tears down his cheeks. Every now and then his hips will twitch and his poor cock will be subjected to even more stimulation, causing him to whine and shake even more.

When you call his name, his head shoots up and instantly he’s sitting up and holding his arms out to show he wants you to join him. You can see by the look in his eyes that he must have gone into subspace at some point.

You were sure he wasn’t in subspace when you left, but you realise he must have been on the brink of subspace when you had to leave and that jerking off is probably what made him go into subspace.

Jace is always needy in subspace, and just feels everything so much. He’s so sweet and giggly and playing when he feels safe in your arms, but he’s prone to spiralling if you aren’t there.

You’re quick to sit on the bed and motion Jace to sit with you. He all but dives into you lap, his legs dangling over your lap with his torso leaning sideways against you.

You just stroke him and kiss his head not promise him that you’re right here. When he calms downs, he looks up at you and whispers that he touched himself while you were gone. By this point there’s no point in trying to remind him that you gave him permission to do it, right now he won’t listen to reason and just needs comfort.

He’s so close to subdrop and he’s so overwhelmed and he feels so so bad that he couldn’t even wait for you today to finish your duties and instead had to touch himself when you left because he was too worked up not to.

You manage to just about keep him in subspace and not in subdrop by ensuring he knows you’re not angry with him and he’s still so so so good for you.

In the end he ends up sliding down the bed to eat you out, and just floats there for a while.

[ellieluvr420]

Friends? Never. Pt.5 (Ellie Williams x reader)

SYNOPSIS: You and Ellie had been bitter enemies for years now but before that you were best friends. You had always planned to be roommates one day but when that becomes a reality the situation isn't exactly how you both imagined it.

You had been strolling around the market looking for food to grab for you and Ellie for well over an hour now but you loved to walk and look at all the stalls and you easily spent 30 minutes in the fruit section alone, you had also spent too long looking at all the crafts Mabel had made. Mabel was a sweet elderly woman that always had a stall full of candles and jewellery, even makeup sometimes, she had always been so kind to you, slipping you little gifts whenever you'd visit. You were thinking to yourself about all the food you could make this week and what Ellie would want when you hear a familiar southern twang behind you.

"Hey kiddo, long time no see." You turn to see Joel's crooked smile as you face him and you find yourself returning it without a second thought despite the burning in your cheeks as you're faced with the man that witnessed so closely how you treated Ellie all those years ago. You were shocked he was talking to you but you remembered Ellie going round there for dinner one night last week so you thought maybe she had told him you were both okay now.

"Hi Joel, no kidding, how you been?"

"Same old, same old, how are you liking the new house?"

"Oh it's so beautiful, we've got the woods right behind us so there's no complaints about the view. Ellie's a pretty good roommate too I guess." You say jokingly and your heart flutters just a little when he joins you with a chuckle.

"Yeah she's told me a lot."

"She has? I would say good things I hope but I doubt it." Your tone is playful but you mean what you say.

"Are you kidding? She only has good things to say about you. I'm getting sick of listening to it to be honest. How about you both come over for dinner tonight and you can both annoy me instead of just her?" You're completely taken aback by his offer but the thought of having dinner with Joel makes you remember the dinner with your parents, it still plays on a loop in your head and all you want is to think of something different when you imagine dinner with parents so you agree before you even ask Ellie. You say your goodbyes and finish up at the market before starting a pleasant stroll back to your home.

As you get closer you notice Maria striding towards you. You're shocked by the sight because there's only about 3 houses within a close distance of where you are right now as you and Ellie live right on the outskirts of Jackson, but you smile at her anyway which she returns as she continues pacing towards her next destination.

Ellie had been rereading some of her favourite comics while you went out to the market until a knock at the door interrupts her. She knew it couldn't be you because you had a key and you also knew that Ellie never locked the door because you had scolded her for it many times so her interest piqued as she rushed towards the blurry figure she could see behind the pane of glass in the middle of the front door.

"Hi Ellie sorry to just stop by like this, can I come in?" Ellie freezes as she sees Maria standing before her with a smile that didn't often grace her face.

"Oh yeah, hi Maria, what's up?" She asks as she steps aside to let Maria in.

"I wanted to come talk to you both in person because there has been an opening in one of the flats so if either of you want to move out you can."

"Oh er well she's not here right now but I'll definitely tell her but me, I'm good here, I've unpacked now and I'm settled so I'm happy to stay."

"Are you two actually getting along?"

"Well we haven't killed each other yet."

"Well that's good to hear, anyway I've got to run, let her know to come talk to me if she wants to move okay?" She smiles and opens the door to let herself out again as Ellie waves her off. As soon as the door shuts she breathes a sigh of relief that you weren't here when Maria came over, she'd feel utterly defeated if after everything you moved out and away from her just like that but then she started to wonder if you would want to move out and if she should tell you and if you'd be mad if she doesn't tell you and you find out. The thoughts were overcrowding her head as she stands frozen in the entryway until the click of the doorknob tells her you're home and she immediately lurches at the door to swing it open for you.

"Oh! Jesus Ellie you scared me."

"Sorry I heard you at the door and I thought you might want help with the bags." Her voice breaks and you raise an eyebrow at her suspiciously.

"Oh because I'm so weak I can't bring everything through to the kitchen?" Your face is sour but your voice is playful.

"You are so annoying, I said if you want help not need it." She rolls her eyes and fights the smile threatening her lips.

"Oh well in that case, that would be lovely." You smile and place the bags in her arms before strutting off to the kitchen leaving her with all the food.

"Hey I said I would help not do it all for you!" She yells.

"Can't hear you!" You drag out the last word in a sing-song fashion that prompts her to roll her eyes and just accept defeat as she starts carrying the bags to where you were in the kitchen before placing them down on the small table where you both have breakfast most mornings.

"On my way back I saw Maria round here walking back to town. Did she come here?"

"Errrr" Ellie froze, she didn't know if she should lie and deal with the consequences later down the line or tell the truth and hope you feel the same way as her but there was not enough time as the look of confusion on your face grew so her instincts kicked in. "No, no she didn't. Must've been going to one of the others."

"Hm okay, she actually smiled at me when she walked past, how crazy is that? She hasn't smiled at me since me and you have been getting sent to her for fighting every other day."

"Ha yeah that is so weird." Ellie doesn't sound convinced, she knows that, but her heart is beating way too fast for her to care, she should've told the truth but she's dug the hole now, no going back.

"Oh um by the way I have a confession, I don't think you're gonna be happy about it."

"Oh great."

"Joel invited us both to dinner tonight at his and I kinda said yes." You smile sheepishly at her as her face drops.

"Seriously? Oh my god I'm gonna die."

"Oh come on, it won't be that bad."

"Whyyyyy did you say yes? You should've said we were busy."

"You know I can't lie to that man's face and besides this is as much on you as it is me."

"Excuse you?"

"If you hadn't been saying all those lovely things about me at dinner last time he wouldn't have approached me and invited me sooo..." You trail off and end your sentence with a sickly sweet grin as her face blushes and her jaw clenches.

"I am going to kill him." You giggle as she rolls her eyes and storms off before comically running back into the room. "What time did he say?"

"Six."

"Oh my god he is so old." You laugh as she storms off again like a child before unpacking everything you had got this morning.

"Hello! Come on in, you're actually on time, I assume this was down to you and not Ellie?" He eyes you and then Ellie as you giggle at her rolling her eyes for about the 50th time today already. She had been grumpy and whiny all day about going to Joel's and it only made you laugh more each time. He beckons you into the small cabin that he had moved into, it was similar to yours and Ellie's and not too far either but his had only one bedroom and no second floor, he moved when all the housing got changed because of the influx of new arrivals as his old house had 3 bedrooms and Ellie's garage that just weren't being used anymore. You think back to the times you had spent in Ellie's garage with her and it makes you sad at the thought of someone else living there and making it their own, you feel selfish for it but you don't care, you had the best memories from when you and her would hang out together there and now its not yours or even hers anymore.

“Ellie you know where everything is, get our guest a drink and you,” he looks at you with a cheeky smile knowing how it’s going to annoy Ellie. “come sit down and relax.” Another huff and eye roll from Ellie before she walks off to the kitchen.

You and Joel had been catching up and exchanging small talk while Ellie grabbed some drinks until she joined you.

“So how’s it been living together? I see Maria’s plan worked.” It was your turn to roll your eyes now.

“It’s been fine.” “Good.” You both blurt out at the same time before exchanging an annoyed look with each other.

“Oh come on, can you really not admit that you’re friends again?” There’s that word again that made Ellie’s heart clench a little, friends, it’s true but she still doesn’t like it.

“Not if it means proving Maria right.” Ellie crosses her arms and leans back into the squishy sofa you were both seated on.

“Yeah I just can’t do that.” You agree.

“You two are way too stubborn for your own good.”

“Look who’s talking.” Ellie snipes and he laughs before slapping his knees that popped as he stood before ushering you to the table.

“You sound like you’re getting old.” Ellie laughs.

“Shut up and sit down.” You reply.

“You’re supposed to be on my side.” She whisper-yells at you.

“Since when?” You smirk at the displeased look on her face before sitting down as Joel brings out the pasta bake he had made and sets it down in front of you both.

“Joel this looks amazing, thank you so much!” Your mouth is actually watering at the sight of it and Ellie can’t help but smile at the childish excitement of your expression.

Dinner was perfect, the pasta bake was one of the nicest things you had eaten in awhile, neither you or Ellie being the best cooks, and Joel’s company was so refreshing you had almost forgotten about your previous dinner experience.

“I saw you chatting with your parents at the tipsy bison the other day. Glad to see they’ve come to their senses.” You don’t miss the glare Ellie shoots at him or the small thump under the table accompanied with a hiss from Joel. You pretend to not notice the obvious kick Ellie had delivered his way as you chuckle a little.

“Not quite actually, it’s okay though really. I’m happy with how things are at the moment.” You smile but it doesn’t reach your eyes and Ellie’s face tells of the pity she feels towards you. You mouth ‘I’m fine’ to her and look back at Joel. “Really, it’s no biggie.”

“Oh well I’ll sorry anyway.”

“Thanks.” You recover from the awkward moment well and the rest of dinner went smoothly.

You’re standing in the kitchen helping Ellie tidy up, you had both already done the washing and drying so now you were just putting everything away. You were standing at the cupboard where the plates go and as you bent down to put them away Ellie reached over you to put a glass away above your head. You gasp as you feel Ellie’s hips pressing into you from behind and immediately snap up turning to face her. “Sorry.” You mutter.

She smirks and cocks her head as she grabs onto the counter on either side of you, boxing you in. “For what?” She leans in a little and you can smell the fresh scent of her body wash that always made her smell of washing that had been dried outside. You savour it before meeting her eyes that had a mischievous sparkle.

You can’t find any words, you weren’t really sure there was an answer to her question and even if there was, you certainly wouldn’t find the words now when her nose is brushing against yours as she ghosts her lips over yours that were taking quick, shuddering breaths. You search Ellie’s eyes and despite the proximity you can still see the uncertainty and insecurity that cast a film over them and knitted her eyebrows together. All Ellie wanted to do was lean in and close the gap but something was holding her back, maybe it was the shock on your face, or the possibility you might push her away, maybe she just wants you to be the one to make the first move, maybe she needs it after everything that’s happened between the both of you.

“All done tidying up?” Joel’s voice sounds as he walks into the kitchen causing you and Ellie to both jump away from each other like you were magnets that repelled when they got too close. None of you make eye contact, all standing staring at the floor in silence until Ellie clears her throat.

“Thanks for having us old man but we should probably get back. I’m okay but she needs her beauty sleep... bad.” She points a finger in your direction but shields it from you with her other hand as if you wouldn’t see.

“Well alright.” He leads you both to the door and as Ellie walks down the steps of the porch he turns to you in a hushed manner. “I know you’ve had it rough with your parents but I promise you’ll always be accepted here.” Tears brim in your eyes and all you can think to do is hug him, you squeezed him until his back clicked which prompted you to let him go with a small apology as he laughed.

The next morning you’re standing making a drink in the kitchen when Ellie walks in with her backpack and beat-up converse on.

“Hey I’ve gotta go on patrol but I should be back by five-ish I think. Wanna watch a movie when I’m back?”

“Yeah sounds good.” You smile and she returns it before moving to walk out the door. “Be safe!” You call out and she smiles at the sentiment although you can’t see.

“Always.” You roll your eyes knowing that is a complete lie but go back to your drink as you hear the door slam shut as it always does when Ellie is entering or exiting, she had always been so heavy-handed and it’s clear that’s still the case.

You were sitting trying to read your book but it had only been an hour since Ellie left and it was still 6 hours until she came back, and all you could think about was if she was okay and safe. The thoughts spiralled until your skin was crawling and a lump in your throat had appeared. You knew Ellie was good on patrol, she was one of the best, she hadn’t grown up in Jackson so she had the knowledge of the dangers of the real world far more engrained in her than most, yet you still couldn’t shake the feeling that something was wrong, it was a feeling deep in your gut that made you feel nauseous and you just couldn’t shake it no matter how much you tried to rationalise with yourself.

The hours went by painfully slowly but five pm had finally rolled around and you were sitting expectantly on the sofa waiting for the signature slamming of the door against the wall to tell you she’s home. But it never came. Five turned to five-thirty and then to six but there was no sign of Ellie. You had begun pacing well over fifteen minutes ago and you were starting to become dizzy enough that you either needed to sit down or walk in a straight line. So you walked in a straight line all the way to the gates of Jackson where you’re met with a commotion you hadn’t ever seen before, you immediately run to Jesse who has a forlorn look on his face.

“What’s going on? Why aren’t they back yet?”

“We don’t know.”

“YOU DON’T KNOW? WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DON’T KNOW? ISN’T THAT YOUR JOB?” He looks shocked at your sudden outburst before dragging you away from the crowd whose eyes had now all fallen on you.

“I’m sorry you’re worried but we all are and freaking out doesn’t help anyone. I’m sure they’re fine, they might’ve just got held up okay.” As he speaks you hear yelling from the men standing at the guard posts on top of the wall and you breathe a sigh of relief when the gates begin to open. The first thing you do is run straight to the front of the crowd pushing and shoving past people to get there to try and get a glimpse of her auburn hair.

Your heartbeat quickens until you see the flash of red you had been waiting for but as she gets closer you see her hunched over form and the array of bruises and cuts littering the skin you could see. Two men walk over to her and Shimmer and help her down before holding her up as she hobbles away from the horse and directly at you. Her eyes meet yours and the relief turns to anger, anger at the anxiety she had caused you. You knew your reaction wasn’t fair on her but you couldn’t stop yourself regardless. You rush towards her and she smiles.

“Where the fuck were you?” You shove at her and she winces as she stumbles a little. “What the fuck happened?” You slap and hit at her chest, releasing the frustration and fear that had been pent up inside you and she let you, until she started to see black spots in her vision from your assault on her already wounded body which was when she caught both your hands in a tight grip and held them to her chest.

“I’m sorry, I’m really sorry, the horde came out of nowhere. We lost three and the rest of us barely made it out.” Her words hit you hard as you shrunk back from her realising the irrationality of your outburst. “It’s okay, I’m fine but can we please go home?” She pleads and you immediately replace the guy that was holding her up with her arm over his shoulder as you start to walk her back home. Every hiss and wince, every stumble, every shaky breath made you feel worse for your initial reaction but it drove you to get her home as quick as possible so she could rest.

As Maria and Jesse watch you both walk away arm in arm they exchange a look of confusion.

"What was that about?" Jesse questioned Maria.

"No idea, but that was weird." Maria replied.

They watched you both until you were out of sight as Maria smiled to herself knowing exactly what was going on and knowing she was right to move you in together.

tags: @emiliabby @readbydayana @radioheadfan699

[harrystylesfan2686]

Pieces Part 5

Pairing: Azriel x Reader

Summary: Az finally gets his chance but not without warnings.

A/N: first of, I wanna say thank you to everyone who supported when things went down with that anon. I love you all so much and I'm so happy you guys are with me. I admit I was a 🤏tad demotivated to write this part but when I reread all your comments and reminded myself how much you guys love this story, I put on my thinking hat and got to work again. I hope you guys like this part!! And plzzzz don't put hate comments on someone's account, for you it just takes like a minute to type and send but for that person it will be stuck on their mind for a long time.

Pieces Masterlist

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Standing in front of your mate's room should be happy and exciting, not anxious and scary.

I finally built up enough courage to come to River House and meet Azriel. See how he's doing and figure out if he deserves another chance. When I told my friends about this, they told me I should do this only if I feel ready to do so, not because I'm felling sympathetic over Azriel.

They're right. And I'm doing this because I'm ready.

I remind myself that when I raise my hand and knock on the door. Cassian told me which room he was staying in, he didn't need to though, I could guess which room it was judging from the fact that it's in the end of the hallway and is covered in darkness when it's still day outside.

Maybe I should've given him a warning before coming and burging in so suddenly... Oh well.

I knock again when the door doesn't open and wait for another five minutes. I frown and step closer to that door. "Azriel? It's me." I hesitantly speak and go to knock again but the door abrutly opens and I flinch back.

There he stands.

The most beautiful male I've ever seen. With bright hazel and wide wings on his back. He's shirtless, standing just in his pants.

Breathing heavy he takes me in, observing me just as I do him. I see exactly what Mor was talking about. His face looks sucked in and body more lean, covered in shadows just as I thought.

But he's still the most amazing male I've ever seen.

I smile softly. "May I come in?"

His eyes widen as though he doesn't believe what I'm saying. I don't too.

I chuckle. "I just wish to talk."

"I-uh. Yes. Of course." He clears his throat and opens the door wider for me come in. He hurriedly tries to fix the room a little, picking up cloths or dishes that were on the floor and quicky takes out a shirt to wear it while I close the door behind us. I stand in the middle of the room and he comes in front of me when he deems himself more presentable.

The room seems a little brighter. He clears his throat again while we stand in front of each other. The awkwardness is clear to the both of us as we wait for the other to speak. He decides to go first.

"You look beautiful." He speaks softly and my heart instanty melts. I mumble a small thanks and stand a little straighter, ready to say what I came here to say. I look into his eyes with a firm expression.

"I've been thinking. This month has been, well, different to say the least. It's taught me that if I have to, I can perfectly live happily with myself. I don't need you to go on with my life." His face falls but he nods. "But I want you." His eyes snap to mine.

"I won't lie. I love you, Azriel. But I will not take you back unless you make it up to me. You broke my heart. You broke my trust. And now, as foolish as I am," I shake my head."I'm giving you another chance. One Last Chance. If you mess up again, that will be it. I will leave and I will never come back. Doesn't matter how much our hearts and sauls ach. Understand?" He nods.

"Words, Azriel."

"Yes! Yes. Of course. I promise you I will never do anything like this again." He looks at me with hopeful eyes.

"Alright. Now rules, first you don't get me back. You have to win me back. Court me, properly. And I will think about it evertime you do something meaningful." He spills out an of course.

"Second, no talking to Elain. I mean, you can talk but you have to make time for me too." I frown.

"You don't have to worry about that. I've already pushed Elain out of my life. The second I came here and she asked of me, I firmly told her that I will never speak to her again. She cried but I don't care. I kicked her out of this room and slamed the door at her face. You're more important." He breaths.

"Third, final rule, this is not a one week thing Azriel. You have to understand that you will have to make up for a long time. I had suffered for an entire year, you have a year to make up to."

"I promise you, my love. I will make up to you. I will win your back. And this time, I won't let you go."

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Tag list: @cleverzonkwombatsludge @going-through-shit @wallacewillow0773638 @kalulakunundrum @cat-or-kitten @pricklepearbloom @bxm-1012 @peachcontour-blog @fxckmiup @ohthemisssery @crazylokonugget @anuttellaa

[i-literally-cant-with-this]

A/N ♕ This is gaudy as shit and I don't care. Idk. There may be inconsistencies with the story, so, sorry. I've been working on this all day. 8 pages on Google Docs so you're in for a read. Good stuff starts at page 3 (mind you, this is from Google Docs perspective.) I read, reread, rereread, rerereread, rererereread .... until I couldn't. This is a little headcanon-y and a little fic-y. It's just what I was feeling. I know you know what to do if there's anything horribly wrong. For real, though. This is so fucking long I never want to see my laptop again.

C/W ♕ Unprotected P->V, F->M & M->F Oral, M->eating his cum (sorta) from F, kinda rough sex but they like it. I'm so brain dead right now that I can't remember everything. Soft broken Hanma eventually. I like you, no shit? I like you too. Kiss kiss. Snooze snooze. Happy happy.

Funsies ♕ A link of the playlist I made while I was writing this in case anyone wants to check it out. I don't think the read will exhaust the playlist so pick any song you want and it should, theoretically work at any point?

WC ♕ 3,915 (ISH - I change things once I get it here on Tumblr, but it's around that.

♕ You'll never forget the first time you rode on the back of Hanma's bike with him.

♕ He wasn't really keen on the idea of taking you home. You weren't even his responsibility.

♕ But it was a favor for one of his captains.

♕ Hanma put his helmet on you, tightening the strap under your chin carefully so he wouldn't pinch your delicate skin.

♕ He was so pissed when he noticed how pretty your eyes were, staring so intently back into his. He had to shake himself out of the distraction.

♕ "You're not wearing a helmet, Shuji?" You asked.

♕ "This's the only one I have, obviously. And you're going to wear it, got it?" He was so adamant about that.

♕ He got you settled in the helmet and threw his leg over his bike. Looking at you impatiently, waiting for you to get on, he put his hand out and you took it.

♕ You hopped on behind him and wrapped your arms around his straight waistline. And you're not sure if your heart skipped a beat because you were so nervous about being on the back of a motorcycle with him for the first time or if it was how you felt with your cheek pressed to his back

♕ He also noticed how nice your arms felt wrapped around him. He turned his head before he took off and told you you'd better hold on tighter, he doesn't drive like a 30 year old.

♕ Hanma thought he turned his head enough from your line of vision before he smiled. But you saw it.

♕ So you did what he asked and squeezed him tighter, pressing your chest harder against his back.

♕ He started the engine and the vibrations sent shockwaves throughout your cunt body like you've never experienced.

♕ Both you and Hanma thought it wasn't possible for you to get any closer to him, but you both somehow managed to impress the other.

♕ He was at a stoplight about 3 blocks from your house and he reached back to give your thigh a little pat.

♕ "Hold on to me, hana. I'm gonna go like hell when I see that light turn green."

♕ His hand stayed on your thigh even after he took off. Stayed there for so long, actually, that you were getting concerned about the upcoming turn in the road. But he pulled his hand forward just in time to take it with ease.

♕ The wind against your face that carried his scent - which you could NOT place, (Sandlewood? Cedar? It was DELICIOUS to say the least) was starting to make you feel drunk.

♕ You could just barely hear the music playing through the small (but strangely loud) speakers --- Be Quiet and Drive (Far Away), Deftones. You had heard the song before and liked it but now it held a certain heaviness over you. Everything about this moment felt right. The night was warm. The stars were out.

♕ How the fuck had you not realized this before?

♕ Hanma is ... he's fucking sexy.

♕ He pulled up to your place and he stopped the bike, letting it idle while sitting in your driveway.

♕ "Ok, you have arrived at your destination. You're welcome, for the ride of your life." He seemed a little more lighthearted now than when he first was roped into taking you home.

♕ "Yeah. Yeah, thanks. Um, thanks. Do you - maybe ... want some ..." you just couldn't fucking talk. He looked so handsome in the soft yellow lights that lined the street.

♕ "You got some food? I could eat, yeah." He kicked the bike stand out and turned it off and reached up to remove his helmet from your head.

♕ If he missed the blush that washed over your face he'd have to be a blind man. But you noticed a faint smile on him, too. So you think he caught it.

♕ "What do you feel like? I just went shopping and I'm fully stocked." You stood with your back to him, he was in the living room looking around at the shit you had all over your walls. Weird art that made him feel things. Stuff he's never thought himself capable of feeling - not bad things, either. But new things.

♕ And you felt comfortable with all of this. Knowing he was in another room than you. Except, he wasn't in the living room anymore. He was right fucking behind you. You stopped to look up into the cupboard you stood in front of to see what was there, if it was easy and quick to fix up.

♕ He reached out and traced the curve of your waist and leaned in, putting his face to the back of your head. "You going to feed me, y/n?"

♕ Your first thought was who's going to perform CPR on your right now because you're about to die. His breath was so hot on the back of your neck you were able to document the time that your heart actually stopped beating for a second.

♕ Hanma put his hands on your shoulders and ran them down your arms. When he got to your wrists, he pulled them behind your back more roughly than you've ever been touched by any man before.

♕ And he's so much taller than you, so he has to bend over so he can talk right into your ear.

♕ "I'm sure it's ready for me to eat right now. Not much prep is going to be required. I guess, in a way, you could almost call it fast food?" He yanked you so you were standing up straight and your back was flush with his front.

♕ You didn't know what to do with your hands so you just left them where he placed them. He had his free hand back on your waist, squeezing and exploring.

♕ "I don't think I've ever wanted something so bad as I do right now, hana." He said, letting his fingers dip lower and lower. You threw your head back and it fit into the dip between his neck and shoulder.

♕ You couldn't help but think he was such a fucking gentleman, waiting for your permission before he took anything. You leaned back against his chest and turned your head to kiss him. "Then take ... take it. Take what you want, Shuji. Take it all."

♕ Hanma's hand went back up to your throat and squeezed just enough to make you gasp.

♕ He leaned around and pressed his mouth to the corners of your lips, teasing you into giving yourself fully over to the kiss and sliding his tongue down your jawline to your neck. Ending up at your ear once more.

♕ "Good girl, hana. You're so wet for me right now, I can fucking smell it. Tell me what you want me to take. Hm? You want me to take you? You're going to be so good for me. Or maybe not? Maybe you're just going to be a nasty ... little ... bitch. I think I'd like to see that. This sweet girl act you put on. I've seen you walking around like you're just the best thing around here. Well? You going to prove that to me, hana? Huh?" He said, his voice dropping an octave as he ran his hand down your stomach and dipped his fingers into your panties.

♕ He moaned into your ear, "Oh fuck, hana. You're dripping for me. I'm going to fucking ruin you."

♕ He turned you around more roughly than he had to and hoisted you onto the counter, yanking your pants down and kneeling down before you, inhaling your scent. Deeply.

♕ Hanma looked up at you with such fire in his eyes, you couldn't help but feel a little intimidated. He traced his finger over your pussy, feeling your wetness before leaning forward and dragging his tongue over the same invisible line his finger forged on your trembling skin.

♕ You arched your back and gasped as he brushed his lips against your thighs. You could feel how heavy his breathing had gotten. He pushed one finger passed your folds, then two, and you could feel yourself tightening around him.

♕ "Shu, f-fuck. Please, I need ... I need ..."

♕ He looked up at you with his eyebrows raised. "What do you need, hana. Use your words."

♕ You reached down and grabbed him by the ears, pulling him up to your face. "I ... fuck me, Shuji." You kissed him, tasting yourself on him.

♕ Hanma didn't waste a second. He pulled you off the counter and dragged you into your bedroom. You turned around and yanked at his belt buckle, pulling it from the loops all at once and threw it across the room, unzipping his pants and pulling them down.

♕ He leaned you over the bed, spreading your legs and reaching up to squeeze your ass. You looked back at him, wanting him to fill you up.

♕ Hanma rubbed his tip up and down your slit, teasing you. "Shuji just ... just fuck me."

♕ You were so whiny and needy. It was making him so hard. He wanted to fuck you right then and there. To give you what you were so desperately and metaphorically, on your knees for.

♕ But the sadist in him, found it hard to acknowledge your pleas so soon. He didn't want you to work for this, per se. But he wanted to make good and damn sure you wanted him as much as he wanted you. So what if he had to deny himself instant gratification. The look on your sweet, flushed face was already worth having to drag this out.

♕ "You've been so good for me, hana. I'm going to give you exactly what you need. But I don't want you to come too soon." He said, smirking as he pulled you back to your feet and turned you around, pressing his hands into your shoulders until you were on your knees.

♕ Hanma reached down and pulled his cock out of his boxers and he patted your chin a few times. Urging your mouth to open so he could slap it on your tongue before pushing his tip into your mouth. You let him guide you as you took him down your throat. He kept his eyes on you, watching as you struggled to take him all the way in.

♕ "Fuck, y/n. Look at you. Taking me like a good little slut. I knew you were going to act like a little bitch in heat. Choking down my cock like that." He praised you through gritted teeth. Despite sounding so volatile, it made you feel so good to be used by him this way.

♕ He pulled out of your mouth and pushed you back onto the bed, flipping you over onto your stomach. He pulled your hips up and guided his tip into you, slowly pushing himself in until he was all the way inside you.

♕ Hanma held himself there for a minute, feeling you tighten around him. He started moving again, in and out of you.

♕ You felt like you were on the edge of an orgasm with every thrust. The disgusting way he used you for his own pleasure and the way he spoke to you was driving you mad.

♕ "Shuji, fuck ... I'm gonna cum."

♕ He pulled out and turned you onto your back. He spread your legs apart and leaned over you, pushing himself back inside you and pressing his lips to yours.

♕ "Yeah? How close? How close are you?" He dragged his teeth over your ear and on down to your visibly beating pulse point and left a purple mark in his wake. You clenched up around his cock so hard when he did this that he had to stop moving and pull himself together. "Fuck! Hana! Keep that shit up and this is over. I'm fucking finished."

♕ He thrust into you harder, his balls slapping against your ass wasn't helping you hold off cumming all over him. You felt your orgasm building up inside you. You reached down to rub your clit, but he saw where your fingers were aiming and he brushed your hand aside and started rubbing soft circles on it for you. It made you moan - the most whorish, slutty sound you have ever let out.

♕ It was out of your control at this point. His dick pounding inside of you, hitting all the right spots at all the right times was making you more cock-drunk than you have ever felt. If you could even consider yourself aware of anything other than his golden eyes burning holes into yours and the rise and fall of his hips against your spread legs.

♕ Your cunt swallowed his cock so perfectly. The thought crossed your mind that you were made for each other. But that's ridiculous. Hanma hates you. Right? He didn't even want to take you home. So why, then, is he balls deep inside of you right now. Don't fucking ask, you thought to yourself. Doing any and every little thing you could to stave off your imminent crash.

♕ He could see your eyes start to roll back and he knew what was happening. He pressed his thumb harder against your clit and started circling it faster.

♕ "Cum for me, hana. Show me how much you wanted this, how much you wanted my cock inside of you." He sucked on your nipple as he fucked you. Balancing over you on his left hand, his right hand still trifling with your pulsing clit. You tried to buck up against him for any extra stimulation but he only pulled back. "Aht! I make you cum. You ... you let me. Understand, hana? I ... make ... you ... cum." He growled through his clenched jaw directly into your ear. Punctuating each word with driving his hips harder and harder against you.

♕ You couldn't hold it in anymore. You came so hard and you didn't even care that he was watching you so closely. You let your body relax and gave in to the moment. You'd pretty much checked out mentally, but whatever connection remained between your brain and your body was otherworldly. You felt his cock sliding in and out of your soaked cunt. It was so thick and long. Nothing like you imagined it would be by just looking at his tall, thin frame. (But aren't those guys always the wildcard?) It was all you could focus on.

♕ Hanma was ready to cum, too. He pulled out of you and turned you over onto your stomach again. He slapped his wet cock against your ass before pushing back into your pussy, making you moan into the sheets.

♕ You were still twitching against him. As close as he was to blowing his sticky load of cum inside of you, as hard as his cock was twitching, he was so transfixed by how you felt around him. So fucking hot. So fucking soft. So fucking beautiful. Like a goddamn flower. Your pussy made him think of the most beautiful flower and nothing would ever change his mind about that. (And he would never figure out why - but he wondered if it had to do with the weird art in your living room).

♕ "Fuck, hana. Fuck!Fuck!Fuck! You want me to cum inside this pussy? Want me to cum in my pussy, huh? Yeah? Fuck, cumming so fuck- hard, holy shit. Fuck!" Hanma came with such force, you could feel his cum pouring into you. And soon after, seeping out of you from around his cock still inside of your stretched hole. He collapsed on top of you, both of you breathing heavily. He didn't want to move, not yet.

♕ And he felt like it should bother him that he was still here with you. Still, physically, a part of you, as much as you were a part of him. But he couldn't think of a single reason why he should leave. Let alone why he'd want to leave.

♕ "Shu, you ... I ... well," you tried to speak but couldn't form a coherent thought just yet. "Um," it was useless. You couldn't think. So you just laid there underneath him. Feeling more and more empty with each passing second as the sadness of this being over filled you instead feeling full from Hanma. It was not a good placeholder for him. It was not feeling nearly as good as he did. And you felt like crying.

♕ Whether because it was just too much for you or it was just nothing to him. What if it were both? Shit. You're starting to cry.

♕ He felt you tremble underneath him and he rolled off of you, turning you over to face him.

♕ "Hey, what's wrong? Hana? Look at me, now. Did I hurt you? Did I do something?" He looked more concerned that irritated. And that's probably what surprised you the most. You tried to hide your face, but he grabbed your chin and pulled you back.

♕ "No, it's ... it's nothing. I just ... it was too much. You were too good." You said, laughing hard through the tears, wholly embarrassed by your generous assessment.

♕ "Oh, what now?" Hanma smiled and kissed you on the forehead. He reached down and grabbed your hand, bringing it to his mouth and kissing it. "You say I was too good? Were you even here? I mean ... I guess it's impossible for you to feel yourself. But, I guess ... I guess I'm only as good as who I'm with? And, hana," he cupped your face in his rough, slightly grease stained and scarred hand, "you were good, too."

♕ You laughed again, shaking your head. "Don't ... don't be nice to me. I can't handle it. And that's not even ... you don't have to say that to me. I know you don't like me. You can't fucking stand me. I knew all of this when I asked your captain to make you give me a ride. How embarrassing is that. I fucking am so pathetic sometimes." You rubbed your eyes with the heel of your palm. "God. You can go. You don't have to stay. It's alright. I'm ... I'll be ... fine. I always am."

♕ Hanma sat up on his elbow, looking down at you with his brow furrowed. "Hana. I can't believe you're this stupid." He rubbed the back of his neck and looked out into the hallway.

♕ "Shuji! Who the fuck is Hana? And why do you keep calling me that? My name is-" great, now you look sad and insane.

♕ "Chill, crazy. Hana means blossom. And I think, ffffuck. Ithinkyou'reprettylikeaflowerplusyourpussyispretty." His words ran together but you heard every single separate syllable. You're pretty sure you fell in love with him a little bit, too. The fucker.

♕ He leaned over you again, pressing his lips to yours. You moaned against his mouth and reached to grab his cock, but he stopped you. "No. I wanna make you feel good. It's your turn." He kissed your neck and made his way down to your pussy, licking up his own cum that had dripped out of you. You bucked your hips up into his face, reaching down to grab a fistful of his hair.

♕ He looked up at you with wide eyes, smirking. "Hold on, hana. I got you." He sucked your clit between his lips, pressing his tongue against it and making you cry out in pleasure. He pushed two fingers into your pussy and started pumping them in and out of you, hitting your g-spot while he circled your clit with the tip of his tongue.

♕ "Fuck, Shu! Fuck me!" You screamed.

♕ He looked up at you with his eyelids still heavy. "That's what I'm trying to do, baby." He said, chuckling. "Just this time, it's with my mouth. Ok? So sit back and enjoy the ride." He leaned back down and continued sucking and licking and pumping you until you couldn't hold on anymore. You came for him, all over his face. And he didn't seem to mind one bit.

♕ He crawled up to you and laid beside you again. You looked over at him and smiled. "You're such an asshole. But I kind of like you."

♕ He leaned over and kissed you, letting you taste yourself on him. Again. "No shit? I've liked you for a while. But I ... hell, I don't know. I guess I thought you were too good for me or something." He put his head against your chest, subconsciously counting the heartbeats coming from your body. "That's usually what people tell me. The guys and stuff. They always give me shit about anyone I like. Except ... except for you. They respect you."

♕ You nodded slowly, spacing out on the chunk of blond hair above his forehead. "Yeah, it helps having a cousin who's a captain. But Shuji, I do. I really do like you. I just wanted you to know that."

♕ Hanma looked up at you with a softness in his eyes you had never seen before. "I know, hana. I know." He kissed you again, pulling the sheet over both of you. He didn't want you to see him get worked up. Not over you. Not emotionally. Not just yet. But he was pretty sure he was starting to fall in love with you. And that was just something he wasn't prepared for. Though he'd have to face up to it. Sooner, rather than later, he thought.

♕ He turned over onto his back and let you snuggle up next to him, throwing your arm over his chest. He closed his eyes, thinking about how much he'd like to do this again. Just like this. Just you.

♕ You reached over and turned off the lamp, laying your head against his chest and simply being in the darkened room with him. It was so easy, you thought. And you hoped it would always be that way, though you knew better than to believe that. Because Hanma was a very complicated man on the outside and inside. And you wanted to be the one who could be there to understand him. The one who could get to know him. The one who could make him laugh and cry and feel any and everything he ever wanted to feel. You wanted to be the one who'd be there to listen to anything he had to say. Softly spoken or screamed out.

♕ And that's all you wanted. To be there for him. And with him. And with him.

♕ "Good night, little hana." He said, pulling you tighter against him.

♕ "Good night, beautiful Shuji." You smiled in the darkness and drifted off to sleep.

♕ And you didn't care how much you'd regret saying it or how much you'd try to deny it. It was true. You were in love with him. And you knew it would be some time before he could admit he felt the same way. But you would give him whatever amount of time he needed.

♕ He hoped he would be worth it. Hanma wasn't necessarily a good man. He has never been called a good man. Never has he ever really felt like one.

♕ But he heard you talking to him in the morning before you got out of bed to fix the coffee. Telling him how you'd be there for him as best you could. No matter what.

♕ He thought to himself that he hoped he'd never disappoint you. No matter what.

Taglist ::: @katkitkats @darkstarlight82 @arlerts-angel @viburnt @kazutora-kurokawa

[jolapeno]

PSA

re: hope they caught us

EDIT NEW MASTERLIST HERE

so, after a lot of thinking, i've decided to take hope they caught us down from AO3 and will be taking it from tumblr down today.

this isn't because im abandoning it, but rather because i want to refresh and rewrite it, with me uploading it back here and on AO3 soon.

lately, i've been learning a lot about myself and one thing I've noticed is that when i'm giddy and happy about something, it feels infectious in my work. i feel it even when i read it back.

this series is missing that in it's current form and i think it's because when i began writing it, i wasn't that happy in myself. while the beginning feels like me, it quickly doesn't by chapter three, and rereading it back made that so obvious to me. i think it's why i began to feel on edge about the series, why it was so easy to put it on hiatus.

but deep down, i love them. i want the best for these two characters I've spent a lot of time with. but the piece misses my voice, the one you love, the one I LOVE and the one i'm proud of. and that's why I've made the decision i have.

at the core, the story will be the same. so if you loved the premise and the ideology, that won't change. but that romcom-esque charm in the first part of the series that got lost along the way will be back. because that isn't an accident, that is me at my core.

that is my writing voice.

and i want to reclaim that back, and the only way i can think of doing that successfully (and by making myself happy) is to knock the house down and rebuild it all over again.

this does also mean I'll be changing the name, more for my own headspace than anything else.

i know that some of you will be disappointed, and it's okay if you don't understand my reasoning, just as it's OK if you're disappointed - they're both valid feelings for you.

but, i need to do this for me. and i'm pretty confident in thinking that you'll support me regardless (and i think it's okay to say i think you'll love what I've been concocting).

if you've reached the end of this message, thank you for your time. i don't usually do tag lists, but if you're interested in being notified when the first chapter is re-uploaded, please let me know and I'll be sure to let you know. it's the least I can do. AN: i won't be committing to a weekly schedule, but it will be more routinely posted and I'm hoping the first chapter will be up soon.

[petrichor-idyllic]

HiI would like to request two Minho x female reader please.

1. Minho gets in the shower ro relax and reader joins him and they are starting fluffy but when they start cleaning each others body things get heated and it turns into smut.

2. Reader and Minho liked each other but noone had time to explore the feelings. But when Minho gets back from that night with Thomas in the maze the reader is so happy hes still alive and there is some tension building up...later on the keepers meeting (book scene) where Minho is a total hottie and says the most iconic stuff as usual reader cant help herself and once the meeting is over she suddenly kisses him.

Thank youuuuu <333

Okay, yes I can totally do this, however I am still new and bad at tumblr so idk how (or if it's even possible) for me to respond to something twice. So, here is the first one and I will try to write both and post them at around the same time, so keep your eye out for the second :))

REWARD AFTER A LONG DAY'S WORK

MASTERLIST | MINHO MASTERLIST

SUMMARY: See above- 1. Takes place before the arrival of Thomas.

WARNINGS: Inappropriate language, guess I've put it off long enough so have some actual smut. Unprotected intercourse. Reader is on birth control because I said so, we ain't having any Glader babies running around. Unedited because I refuse to reread my own sex scenes- cope. Minors DNI 18+.

You and Minho have been dating for a while now. Everyone in the Glade knows because, well, it's kind of hard not to notice.

When Minho isn't out in the Maze, he's clinging to you like there's no tomorrow. Probably because for him, there might actually not be. His job is dangerous, and he could literally die every single time he heads out there.

So, he spends as much time as he physically can with you.

Not that you're complaining. You love Minho- I mean, who wouldn't? He's basically your personal guard dog, not to mention he's passionate and caring and does everything he can to make sure he's not making you uncomfortable.

He's literally the perfect boyfriend, much to the other Glader's dismay- it means you're probably not going to be single again anytime soon. And with you being the only girl, there's definitely some pouting in Minho's presence.

Speaking of your boyfriend, you haven't seen him since you greeted him at the Doors. He's been pretty busy recently, especially with Alby doubling down on the workload.

"Newt," you spot the blond from a mile away as he sits in a group of boys but that doesn't stop you from approaching him. People are starting to settle down for the night. The Doors are closed, dinner has been and gone, and the dim light of numerous flames is the only thing keeping the Glade alive. "Have you seen Minho?"

"Hm?" He blinks for a second, pulling himself out of his current conversation and processing what you just said. "Oh, yeah, he's in the shower- he got stuck in the Map Room late. 'Said sommet about needing to relax." The boy shrugs, clearly having not paid that much attention to his friend.

"Alright, thanks," you flash him a smile before heading in the direction of the shower block. The showers are actually normally empty at this time, because this is around the time that you take a shower, and the boys respect that.

"Minho?" The sound of running water fills the rows of showers, covered with curtains.

"Hm? Yeah?" He responds, voice gravelly and tired.

"Is everything okay? Newt said you needed to relax?" You creep further forward, not wanting to startle him as you stand outside of the closed sheet.

"Yeah," you can hear the smile in his voice, "yeah, I'm alright, just a rough day."

Silence settles as you can hear Minho quietly hum to himself out of satisfaction. You smirk to yourself for a second before you speak.

"Yanno, I also need to have a shower," you pause slightly, "do you mind if I join you?"

The curtain moves, not exposing Minho but he does stick his head out, smirking at you. "You wanna shower with me?"

You shrug, feigning innocence, "Might help you relax, yanno?" He rolls his eyes, dropping the curtain and letting it fall back in place.

"Get your ass in here." You snort a laugh, doing as you're told. You strip from your clothes, hooking them over the top of the curtain bar with Minho's clothes. There's no way you're leaving them on the floor. You're already taking a risk getting undressed in an open area- though the Gladers know better due to routine.

You move the worn piece of fabric, slipping into the small area as Minho has his back to you, hogging the water. Though, you take a second to admire your boyfriend's perfect form.

His back is muscular and toned- he's obviously got an athletes build. He runs the Maze all day, every day. But even so, seeing his perfect body us more than enough to have your heart racing, even if you see it pretty much every day.

"Are you gonna move, or what?" Minho scoffs as your blunt tone, stepping aside to let you squeeze next to him, allowing the luke-warm water to hit you both.

He looks down at you, his smile is soft as he drinks in your appearance. It's not like he hasn't seen it before- you guys struggle to keep your hands off of each other most of the time. But still, he always feels so lucky to have you, and he thinks you're gorgeous.

They could dump a bunch of girls in the Glade tomorrow and Minho wouldn't care.

You picked him- him! He at least has something good going for him.

"The shuck you staring at, pervert?" You joke and he jabs you in the ribs, causing you to squeak.

"Uh, my girlfriend? I'm allowed to look at my girlfriend last time I checked."

"I'm allowed to look at my girlfriend," you mock him, making him push his tongue into his cheek. "What happened today, anyway? I've barely seen you."

"Sorry," he mumbles, throwing his head back and letting the water wash through his hair, running down to the front of his neck and down his defined chest. "A couple of Runners are getting frustrated and have started causing problems. It happens every now and then after someone becomes a Runner, and they think they're gonna change the world or some shit, and then they throw a tantrum when nothing happens."

"That sounds pretty klunky," he hums in agreement. You and Minho are long past the honeymoon phase, but that's not a bad thing. You're comfortable with each other, and it also means you know one another, and your bodies, pretty well. "You want me to wash your back?"

"Of shuckin' course, I do," you roll your eyes at him, but you still take the soap off of the shelf. You run your hands over his back, letting your nails sink in, but you know Minho doesn't mind.

You trace your fingers over the occasional white line; the scars are old, and it's been a while since Minho's been seriously hurt. But they're still a bitter reminder that he's literally risking his life on a daily basis.

"Alright," Minho turns to face you, pressing a quick peck to your lips, "your turn- spin."

"You're not at scary as you look, you know that, right? The other boys would never let it go if they saw you acting like this."

"Yeah, yeah, but they're never gonna see it, are they?" You turn around, facing the wall as Minho's hands start to run along your back. "It's all for you." Minho has you rolling your eyes a lot, but you do release a snort as well at his cheesey behaviour.

You let yourself relax, melting into his touch as you lean back, resting your head against his shoulder. You let him massage you, feeling him press light kisses against your shoulder and the side of your neck.

"Minho.." You murmur, letting out a satisfied breath, feeling heat starting to surge between your legs. Minho had always been an expert at doing so little to get so much out of you. It's almost annoying, but definitely a skill to be sure.

"Hm?" His teeth graze against your throat from behind as his hands come to your hips. He's not forceful by any means, but you take the opportunity to push your ass back against him. He quickly reciprocates the action, as you feel him getting hard against you.

Likewise, it doesn't take much to get him going either.

His boldness grows as he very gently drags his fingers down your mid-drift. Your head starts to feel fuzzy, and you gasp as his hand only travels lower.

"Can I make you feel good?" He mumbles mainly into your hair as his warm breath catches against your ear. "Can I touch you?"

You nod, your words catching in your throat as you suddenly forget how to function.

"Use your words for me," it takes you a second, but overwhelmed by need in the growing steamy room, you manage to squeak out a vaguely strung-together sentence.

"Please, touch me, Minho."

He's more than pleased to oblige, dipping his fingers lower and between your folds. You breath hitches, becoming heavier as he starts to gently rub circles over your bundle of nerves.

His rhythm is painfully slow as he teases you, knowing exactly how to make you melt under his touch. You whimper, clinging to his arm for some kind of support.

Your body already aches for him, but with his current actions, he knows you're not going to achieve anything.

"Minho, please," you stress, grinding against his hand to try and desperately get some more friction. Well, he can't say no to you, so he increases his movements.

He adds a little bit more pressure, touching you exactly as you need to be touched. It doesn't take long for you to feel tense in your lower stomach, your body trembling, mumbling gasps escaping you.

And then Minho pulls away.

You whimper at the lack of contact, turning to face your boyfriend. An attempt of a pout is quickly dispersed as Minho pushes his lips to yours. You hum into his mouth as you let him push you against the cool wall of the shower.

One of your hands comes to the back of his neck as he holds your face and you hip. Your other hand brushes against Minho's hardened dick, breaking the kiss for a second.

"Can I-?" You ask.

"Please." He begs.

You run your thumb over the tip, feeling him shivering against you as you connect again. Slowly, you start to touch him more, but he doesn't let it last long.

"We've, uh, we've been un here a while- you wanna hurry this up before someone comes looking for us?"

You smirk. "Sounds like a good idea."

Minho's mouth goes to your neck, hiking your leg up and wrapping it around his waist. His teeth nip at your skin as you gasp, feeling him fill you.

His pace starts slow. Probably because you're not exactly in the most natural position. But with your soft mewling into his ear and nails carving into his back is more than enough to make him rougher.

He knows your body perfectly, and he can tell you're close simply from the noises you're making. As much as he'd hate to admit it, he still hasn't quite built up a resilience to your vagina just yet, which is why he puts more attention on you. Finishing too early is natural, but he's still embarrassed by it.

His fingers once again reach for your clit, and very quickly waves of pleasure are washing over you, leaving you trembling and moaning as Minho holds you in place.

After a few more thrusts, he groans, trying to use the crook of your neck to stifle his noises. His body relaxes, falling limp. You listen to his heavy breathing for a short while, taking the time to compose yourself.

"You good?" You chuckle as he pulls back, also pulling out of you. In response, he kisses you again.

"I shucking love you," he mumbles as he presses your foreheads back together.

You, once again, roll your eyes, but you can't help the soft smile playing on your lips. "I love you too, slinthead."

Yeah, okay, I've actually finally wrote smut. And it's not even good smut- I am not proud of this. But I also refuse to reread it because I cannot read my own sex scenes without cringing so y'all are just gonna have to deal with it.

I'm definitely better at writing spice and fluff- but I am here to entertain the people and ask and you shall receive.

Bit dramatic lmao, but anyway I hope y'all kinda enjoy :))

I am sorry.

[atypicalamortentia]

it's akready 1am and I've been re-reading all your written works are so chefkiss, wish you can write a spicy Gareth oneshot though, rereading your headcannons made me just so AHHHHHH😩

Shouldn't || Garreth Weasley

Synopsis - You meet up with Garreth in Hogsmeade after promising yourself you wouldn't...

Warnings - NSFW.

Notes - Characters are aged 18+!

Word Count - 2.9k.

{Caffeinate Me} || {TikTok}

Your relationship with Sebastian Sallow started five years ago: five long, yet blissful years. You were engaged to him, living together and overall extremely happy with your relationship.

Since leaving Hogwarts, after everything that had happened, you had developed some issues with your mental health - everything seemed like a chore to you and your mood was constantly up and down. Sebastian was nothing if not supportive, always reassuring you that everything was okay and that he was there for you through thick and thin: he wouldn’t have put that ring on your finger otherwise. So why was it, when Garreth Weasley got in contact with you again after all these years, did you find yourself suddenly unhappy in your relationship? Garreth was all you could think about and you found yourself talking to him constantly, even when Sebastian was sitting next to you. It was definitely getting out of control. 

“Garreth, we shouldn’t meet,” you had said to him over the phone. 

“Why?” Came his voice, angelic like. 

“Because I don’t trust myself,” you replied honestly. Your response had taken Garreth back, but he had agreed. He didn’t necessarily trust himself either. 

Garreth had always had a crush on you, even when you were at school. He knew he should leave you alone, being engaged to Sebastian and all, but he couldn’t help himself. When you texted him first thing in the morning, it made his heart swell. When you updated him on your day, it made him smile. And when you texted him goodnight, he yearned for you. He simply couldn’t get enough. He spent so many lonely nights with his cock in his hand, jerking himself off to photo’s of you on social media and listening to voice notes you had sent of you just explaining how you felt. He had it bad for you, and he knew it. Equally you were no better. Fingering your tight cunt to his voice notes back to you, his soothing voice like music to your ears as you came undone. Sebastian just wasn’t cutting it for you anymore and you felt so guilty. 

Despite agreeing that you wouldn’t meet up together, you found yourself stood in Hogsmeade playing with your fingers nervously as you waited for Garreth. Your engagement ring on your finger, a reminder of what you were betraying by indulging in your fantasies. “Y/N?” His voice came, pulling you out of your guilt-filled trance. 

“Garreth!” You forced a smile and immediately wrapped your arms around him, hiding your face in his chest and inhaling his scent. 

“You okay darling?” He asked, the pet name rolling from his tongue was as sweet as honey. You nodded, looking up at him, that same forced smile on your face. Garreth kissed the top of your head, forcing a blush to rise to your cheeks. “How are you really?” Garreth asked, raising an eyebrow at you. He knew you had been struggling lately and wanted to make sure you were doing okay. 

“I’m okay,” you said softly as you returned to playing with your ring. There was something about him that had butterflies fluttering around in your stomach. “How are you?” You asked back. 

“I’m good now that you’re here,” he grinned down at you, watching intently as you bit your bottom lip nervously. 

“What should we do?” You asked as you looked around at the shops in Hogsmeade. There were so many things you could do together, but your mind was on one thing and one thing only. Being this close to him was intoxicating, especially after all the back and forth flirting you had been doing over the phone.  

“We could go to The Three Broomsticks. Grab a drink?” Garreth suggested. 

“That sounds like a good idea,” you nodded as you began to walk in the direction of the pub. 

You felt Garreth grasp your hand, intertwining his fingers with yours as you walked. You immediately felt your heart skip a beat upon the contact and your palms began to get slightly sweaty, but Garreth didn’t seem to mind. Instead, he just held your hand tighter as you walked to The Three Broomsticks. When you entered you found a spot in the corner, somewhere you couldn’t be seen unless someone was really looking for you. Even though you were simply just ‘meeting a friend’ your intentions felt seedy, especially since the wetness between your legs continued to grow at Garreth’s touch. “So,” Garreth smiled as you sat down in the booth. “What shall we have? Firewhiskey?” 

“That sounds delightful,” you smiled. 

Garreth walked away and went to the bar to order your drinks. Within moments he was back holding two glasses of firewhiskey. “Here you go beautiful,” he said, sliding the glass to you with a wink. You couldn’t help but blush as you immediately sipped on the fiery liquid. It burnt down your throat and you pulled a funny face that had Garreth smirking at you. “Burning?” 

“Yeah,” you replied, sticking your tongue out in disgust. 

“That’s the best part,” he smiled, taking a sip of his own drink. “Have you never had a firewhiskey before?” 

“Only once back at Hogwarts with Sebastian,” you replied honestly. Garreth rolled his eyes at the mention of your fiance, jealousy bubbling slightly in his gut. The fact you chose to marry Sallow over anyone else really grinded his gears. “Have you?” 

“Oh all the time,” Garreth responded. “It’s one of my favourites to drink on a night out in Hogsmeade.” 

“Really?” You asked, taking another sip. 

“Yeah,” Garreth replied. He continued drinking until there was nothing left in his glass, placing it down rather loudly on the table. “Oops, sorry!” He said, laughing slightly. 

“How on earth did you drink that so fast?” 

“Practice,” Garreth grinned. You rolled your eyes and placed your half empty cup down onto the table next to Garreth’s empty one. You both decided to chat about your time at Hogwarts, laughing and joking at some of his failed attempts to impress during potions class. It was always the way with him: experiment after experiment. 

You were now three glasses of firewhiskey in and your vision was starting to go blurry. “I didn’t think you’d want to meet with me,” you slurred.

Garreth grasped your thigh under the table and gave it a slight squeeze. “Why not?” He asked, leaning in towards you. 

“Well you said you wouldn't trust yourself if you met up with me,” you whispered, eyes drifting down to his lips. 

“So did you,” he pointed out. 

“Trust yourself with what, exactly?”

“I don’t trust myself to not fuck your brains out,” his voice came out like a whisper in your ear, making the hairs on the back of your neck stand up. Arousal grew in your stomach at his words and you knew in that moment there was no coming back from this. 

“Oh really?” You asked, raising an eyebrow. You knew you shouldn’t start something, but you couldn’t help it. 

“Yeah. Really,” Garreth’s voice was still a breathy whisper against your earlobe: something that drove you mad. His hand on your thigh tightened its grip and his thumb gently stroked your exposed skin. Of course you chose today of all day’s to wear the new skirt you had bought. “Do you want to fuck me as badly as I want to fuck you?” He asked. You couldn’t respond with words, not trusting them to come out in a calm and cool manner, so instead you just nodded your head. Garreth let out a slight chuckle as he moved his face even closer to yours, lips skimming your cheek. Your heart was beating a million miles an hour at this point and despite the alcohol that had clouded your senses, you could clearly see where this was going to end up. “Kiss me,” he begged, his lips chasing yours within an instant. You closed the gap completely, pressing your lips against his firmly. Butterflies continued to explode in your stomach as Garreth’s tongue licked your bottom lip, clearly wanting entrance into your mouth. You opened your mouth slightly, giving the ginger-haired male exactly what he wanted. A groan of approval left his lips the second his tongue brushed against yours. The kiss was passionate, dominant, something you hadn’t realised you had needed in a long time. 

When you pulled away, you looked at Garreth through your lashes, blinking rapidly at him. You were most certainly swept away by the kiss. “Do you want to leave?” You asked seductively. Garreth just nodded his head, removing his hand from your thigh and standing up. Like the true gentleman he was, he offered you his hand to take once he had stepped out of the booth before dragging you outside The Three Broomsticks. 

“Where do you wanna go?” Garreth asked, looking you up and down while biting his lip. 

“Anywhere,” you replied breathlessly. Sebastian wasn’t home today, he was working, providing for the small family you had together, but you didn’t think you’d be able to make it back to your house before you passed out from the sheer amount of arousal you were feeling. “How about down there?” You asked, pointing to a secluded alley. 

Garreth led you down the secluded alleyway, immediately pushing you against the wall when you were out of earshot, and sight, of the others in Hogsmeade. His lips attached against yours so rapidly that you let out a little squeak of surprise before wrapping your arms around his neck and pulling him closer to you. It felt so wrong and yet so right at the same time. The pair of you wasted no time: Garreth had bunched your skirt up to your waist, pushing your underwear to the sides of your puffy, soaking folds while you unbuckled his trousers, feeling the strain of his erection through his boxers. He was hard, oh so painfully hard. “Merlin, I want to taste you,” Garreth whimpered, dropping to his knees and forcing one of your legs over his shoulders so he could get at the perfect angle. The one leg holding you up buckled the second his tongue came into contact with your slit, hands flying to his hair almost immediately in a futile attempt to stop his ruthless assault. 

“We - ah - we don’t have time for this!” You pouted, watching as his tongue darted into your tight hole and out again, returning to your clit. You were embarrassed to admit you were almost close to cumming. 

“Just a few more seconds,” came Garreth’s muffled voice as he slurped at your sensitive nub. “You taste so good.” 

“You really think so?” You asked, one of your hands covering your blushing face. Garreth just nodded, licking you with as much fever as he could. The way he was going at it just did something to you: no one had ever eaten you out like this before. Garreth prodded a finger at your entrance, teasing you before pushing it in slowly, his lips still attached to your clit. “Oh Merlin!” You cried out, covering your mouth with your hand to muffle the sounds escaping your lips. 

“Cumming already?” Garreth teased as he pulled away from you for a split second, allowing your juices to squirt from you like they never had before. Your legs shook violently, back arching against the wall in an attempt to keep yourself upright as your orgasm washed over you. Shamelessly, Garreth opened his mouth, catching as much of your squirt in his mouth as he could as he pumped his finger in and out of you, clearly pushing you over the edge. You were overstimulated for sure. When you had stopped squirting, Garreth placed a chaste kiss to your now throbbing clit and looked up at you. “Are you ready for me baby girl?” 

“Yes, oh please,” you begged, voice babbling. Your brain was fuzzy. 

Garreth unhooked your leg from his shoulder and stood up, grasping your hips and turning you around to face the wall. You stuck your arse out as much as you could as your companion pulled his aching cock out of his boxers. He spread your cheeks, admiring the way you clenched around nothing as you anticipated his cock. You were practically shaking. Garreth grabbed the base of his cock and gave it a few experimental pumps before lining himself up with your entrance and slowly inserting himself inside of you. The pain of the stretch felt too good and a wanton moan left your lips. Garreth’s hand quickly placed itself over your mouth to cover up the noise, not wanting to gain any attention from the passersby. He took a second before beginning to move, his hips slowly snapping against yours. Not even Garreth could help the moan that fell from his lips. You felt better than he’d ever imagined. You were so tight and warm and wet, and were sucking him inside of your body. 

“More,” your voice croaked at him. 

“More?” He asked teasingly. You nodded your head as Garreth continued to thrust against you harder, hitting that sweet spot inside of you already. All thoughts of your fiance were out of your mind, there was no guilt at the current moment and it felt good. You grasped the wall tightly, nails dragging down the stone as Garreth’s hand fell from your mouth to your hips, angling you in a way that had his cock pressing deeper inside of you. You wanted to yelp, but you couldn’t. You bit your lip, hard, and squeezed your eyes shut as his movements sped up. His cock was huge, definitely not what you had imagined from the somewhat nerdy potions boy from school. His cockhead kissed your cervix as he continued to pound against you, lips tracing your exposed neck as he breathed heavily. “Fuck Y/N, you feel so good.” You wanted to say that he felt good too, but all that came out of your mouth was a string of “fuck”’s and “shit”’s. Tears welled up in your eyes as his pace became more and more ruthless, all that desperation and wanting had left him so pent up the last few weeks that all he could think about was cumming inside of your sweet cunt. A hand fell from your hips to strum your clit once again, pushing you to the brink of a second orgasm. Garreth could tell from the way your walls were clenching around him. “It’s okay baby girl, let it go,” he cooed against your neck. 

Almost on command you did. Your second orgasm washed over you. Your head slumped against the cool brick of the wall as you bit your lip once again to stop yourself from screaming. This time, your entire body shook, pleasure shooting up your form as you came. It was an experience like you had never had before, but the guilt hadn’t set in yet. “Fuck, Garreth!” You whimpered pathetically, hand slapping at the wall in front of you. 

“I’m gonna cum now baby girl, okay?” Garreth asked. You nodded in response, feeling the force of his thrusts become more brutal by the second as he reached his own release. “Shit. Fuck. Shit!” Garreth called out, his cock twitching ruthlessly inside you as thick ropes of cum spurted deep into your womb. As his hips stilled against yours, your mind began to process everything that had happened. You felt his hot mixture inside of you, something you hadn’t felt in years. Sebastian was always insistent on wearing protection to prevent pregnancy, but Garreth didn’t seem to mind the possibility. Either that, or he just didn’t care. He pulled out of you slowly, the cool air against his now softening cock made his entire body shiver. Within seconds he was fully zipped up and pulling your underwear back over your cunt, and your skirt back down over your arse. He turned you back around to face him, pulling you close against his body and kissing the top of your head. “I love you,” he mumbled. 

Your eyes went wide as you looked up at him. “You… Love me?” You asked, slightly confused. 

“Yes, fuck yes I do. I love you,” Garreth chuckled. He pressed another kiss to the top of your head and smiled. “Come on, let’s get you home.” 

“I don’t wanna go home yet,” you whispered, nuzzling into his chest. 

“Then why don’t you come to my home?” Garreth offered. Again, you looked up at him in surprise. 

“Really?” You asked. 

“Yeah! My parents are gone for a few days, why don’t you come round for an hour?” He suggested. 

You looked at the time and nodded, knowing Sebastian wasn’t going to be home for a few more hours. You took Garreth up on the offer. You used Floo Flames to travel to his home and quickly nestled yourself in his bed. The warmth of the covers soothing you as the guilt began to eat at your gut. You practically made your bed, and now you had to face the consequences. But you were stuck with what you were going to do. You loved two men, how was that even possible? You sighed as Garreth lay down next to you, pressing a soft kiss to your lips before pulling you close yet again. He stroked your hair until you finally fell asleep, dreaming of your adulterous escapade. You’d figure out what to do later, but for now, you just wanted to be in Garreth’s arms.      

[mezzy303]

So I've been rereading skip beat from the beginning for the first time in uhhhhh almost 10 years and I'm going inSaNE over characterizations and development that I have to write it down

At this point I'm only at the Heel siblings arc so I haven't gotten to the Guam or Saena arcs which are very big for Kyoko and Ren's character development and healing which I haven't reread since those chapters came out

Can we just take a moment to appreciate Nakamura for basing Kyoko and Ren's childhood struggles and trauma on very real things that aren't often, if at all, dealt with in anime/manga and also writing them with utmost care (Not only do the traumas inform their personalities, but their healing arcs aren't just a one and done thing!! It's a very slow process) Like starting with Kyoko, her single mother neglected her so much that she was raised by a family friend. On top of that, nothing Kyoko did was ever good enough for her mother, and both of these things are so apparent in Kyoko's character. She attaches herself to fairytales and magic as an escapism and because she relates to stories like Cinderella. She literally cannot function if she messes up and no one criticizes her. She can't properly acknowledge her own talents and beauty without it being attached somehow to fairytales; she never quite believes shes good enough. Similarly, she didn't want to bother anyone with her troubles, so she always dealt with them alone/in private spaces. Pretty sure she also has lowkey abandonment issues. And this is all parental trauma!! Things she already has before the series starts and she gets so utterly heartbroken she swears off romantic love entirely so she can never get hurt the same way again.

(I don't think I'll ever get over how Kyoko told all this to Kuu and he was literally like I'm adopting you. Your mine now. Sorry I don't make the rules ��\_(ツ)_/¯ And Kuu going home to his wife like hey we got a new kid 😂 Like Kyoko freezing up when she made mistakes and then Kuu showing her love instead of reprimanding her makes me go 🥹😩💖✨😭💝 Kyoko getting all fluffy from head pats🥹🥹 But on the downside she literally can't bring herself to call him dad unless she's in acting mode sjdfhsf)

When I really consider it, I wonder if Kyoko really loved Sho as a person or like.... the idea of him. Like he was just a convenient guy via proximity bc Kyoko needed someone to be her "prince". We haven't been shown exactly why she fell in love, but it would explain why she stuck with dedicating herself to him despite his terrible personality and knowing he never saw her the same way. It's portrayed like the concept of hatsukoi in anime where its ✨pure✨and innocent✨It seems very idealistic. Whereas Kyoko's love for Ren is more mature. She sees every aspect of Ren and doesn't sugarcoat it, she sees him as he is (she does him up on a pedestal but partially bc she admires him but also as an extreme measure to protect her heart and hide her feelings imo)

And REN. trauma to the max. He had to deal with the hardships of making a name for himself when his parents are already famous, extreme racism from being biracial, his friend/mentor dying from an accident he unintentionally caused???? Like boy hates himself so much he's literally disassociating 24/7 he needs a fucking therapist. I get how being Ren has helped him in some capacity but he needs a professional asap. Though deep diving into this is so interesting because Ren/Kuon compartmentalized his issues and the parts that he hates about himself so much he created its own persona ("Dark Kuon"), to the point he's rarely ever just himself. And he buried it so deep that as soon as he cracked the lid open, those emotions just spilled out. He can't even allow himself to be happy, and when he does feel truly happy, his automatic response is acting nonchalant,,,,,,,,,,,, he didn't even realize he was doing it at first 😢

Also the symbolism with Ren's watch makes me go a little feral. I don't remember if it's originally his or Rick's but it obviously stopped when the latter died and Ren keeps it as a reminder of what happened and why he went to Japan. It's a weird item since it grounds him but also represents his heavy trauma, and I think having those two things in one kinda showcases Ren's unhealthy coping mechanisms (like grounding himself to something traumatic isn't... great...). But that scene where he realizes he took it off and he has a moment of whether it to keep it on as Cain Heel or not??? *clenches fist* it was so good. (To recap it, he had his watch so he wouldn't lose himself in the role of BJ and then forgot it in the bathroom after an unexpected trauma response) Ren narrates his thoughts as choosing between Rick or Kyoko but interpreting this, he's choosing whether to keep himself stuck in his past trauma or move forward and let himself be happy AKA stick with unhealthy coping mechanisms vs try something healthy and rely on people he trusts. Kyoko essentially becomes someone Ren grounds himself to 🥺 He still needs therapy though lmao. He's so mentally unstable in this arc,,,

As I'm writing this I'm seeing a parallel between Kyoko and Ren and how they both had an experience that completely and utterly broke them, and it was this that pushed them onto their current paths in showbiz. And they likely would never have met each other again if those things never happened (they had to lose themselves to find each other?? 😭). It's so funny to me that Ren is all like ThEiR fAtEs ArE iNtErTwInEd with Kyoko and Sho when you have to consider the fact that him and Kyoko meeting again was like. a chance in a billion. It was fate 😂

KyoRen is such a poetic ship to me. The fact that they're different people when they meet and don't recognize the other. How Ren starts falling in love AS SOON AS HE REALIZES KYOKO IS THE SAME GIRL HE MET (Ren being gray/demiromantic.... more at 5). Kyoko lowkey starting to crush on Ren when she witnesses a bit of his real personality. These two things happening around the same time??????? And Ren being SO afraid of being Kuon, his true self, because of his bad qualities, but Kyoko pulling out the good qualities without him fully realizing it?? (I'm 100% referring to Kuon being a mischievous little shit and I live for how he teases Kyoko) tbh they treat each other differently from other people without even realizing it lol. And Kyoko being surrounded by toxic and possessive men pursuing her, and Ren being anything BUT. Like my man is a gigantic green flag. He recognizes that he can't seriously pursue Kyoko bc she's a minor and he really tries his best to only be a friend and mentor in her life and keeping her trust and never crossing her boundaries despite the stereotypes of men being "unable to control themselves." Y'all take point this should be the standard at minimum☝️

I have to talk about Sho bc this boy is so fucking toxic but he makes such a fascinating character. As much as I hate how Kyoko got heartbroken in the way she did, I think it was necessary so that she could leave Sho's sorry ass and cut him out of her life. Seriously,,,, he took advantage of her and used her as a servant. she literally dropped out of school, moved to a different city, and took on two jobs for the sole purpose of helping his career and then he threw her away like a used rag (JUST THROW THE WHOLE MAN AWAY). And then he has the audacity to fall in love with her smh. Anyway the fascinating part about him to analyze is how he's so possessive of Kyoko. Like she was a mere fly in his life, but she was always his. Until she wasn't. And I think those twisted thoughts kinda morphed into feelings for Kyoko. Ig in a way he still cares about her, but it could never hide how toxic he is. Anyone who's like I don't care how this person thinks of me as long as I take up the biggest space in their heart is egotistical and narcissistic. BUT he and Kyoko bickering like siblings will always be funny. Like epitome of two people who've lived with each other for way too long so they know how the other ticks and also get on each other's nerves 😂😂Sho does makes a good foil for Ren though. Like he's basically everything Ren is not: immature, temperamental, possessive, vain, the list goes on. His only redeeming qualities as a character is providing good drama and humor and being an example of what Ren isn't.

Skip Beat is really a story about healing and learning to love yourself and letting others love you and Nakamura is such a good story teller 🥺

[x-liv25-jamieswife]

my long ass avery rant that might not make sense but i love her and needed to make this.

a huge rant about my love for avery (i swear im not hating on anyone (except for avery haters... sort of. i respect your opinion but...)) i think the end of my rant makes more sense than the beginning...

IVE MADE A POST ABOUT THIS BUT ILL SAY IT AGAIN. STOP OVERLOOKING AVERY'S TRAUMA. SHE IS SO UNDERRATED AND SUCH A COMPLEX CHARACTER AND I CAN'T STAND PEOPLE IGNORING HER. PEOPLE IN THIS FANDOM BARELY POST ABOUT HER AND IT'S UNBEARABLE (LIKE NO HATE CAUSE I LOVE ALL THE LYRA POSTS BUT HOW ARE PEOPLE POSTING MORE ABOUT A CHARACTER NO ONE KNOWS ABOUT AND NOT AVERY??? LIKE I SAID NOT HATE, I EAT THE LYRA POSTS UP).

she's literally the best character in the series. the brothers don't even come close to her. people who are mad at her for not picking grayson can actually just shove it up their ass bc gray and avery would've never worked out in the long run. avery is a queen and i see people hating on her for so many stupid reasons. not picking gray? giving away the money? being an emily 2.0????????????????????????????? don't even dare compare my queen, my love, my everything to that wretched beast who is now rotting in a coffin underground. some people making reviews on goodreads seriously need to get a life and touch some grass.

as im rereading the main trilogy, i'm writing down quotes from avery so i can make an in depth analysis of her character. it might suck and it will definitely be multiple parts but if no one is gonna acknowledge her trauma, i will. i'm sick and tired of people constantly ranting about grayson and other characters when avery is literally the main character. none of this series would exist if it weren't for avery. the fact that some people are willing to defend their favorite characters when they hurt avery is so so sad to me. like, i love jameson with my entire heart, but treating avery like a puzzle and messing with her self esteem was not cool of him. same goes for grayson and him treating avery like a shitty gold digger who 'hasn't struggled like he has'

i've made posts about this before but i feel the need to make another one. i've seen people defend grayson for treating avery like shit in the first book (some people do it as a joke which is fine but some people are actually serious and it confuses me??). i get that grayson was mad and disappointed that his grand father disinherited him after a lifetime of being told he was going to inherit. his feelings were 100% valid. did he have the right to take it out on avery though? no. not at all. this girl is even more confused that he is and has been nothing but kind to him. him invalidating her feelings and treating her like crap is just so shitty of him. don't get me wrong. he has redeemed himself and i do love him, but seeing people defending him (in a serious way) just gets on my nerves. would you like to be treated the way avery was in tig? i think not.

i'm not as mad about jameson bc 1. he apologized on 'screen' and 2. i don't see people defending him as much as grayson (i don't think i've ever seen a post defending him which is good). i love him too, and what he did was also horrible. i better not ever see a post defending him. his actions are explainable but that doesn't justify them. he really messed with avery's self-esteem, so much as to make her doubt his feelings towards her. the only reason i'm not as mad as with the grayson situation is bc i don't see people defending him as passionately (if at all).

i see this happen in so many fandoms. people gush over the male love interest or the male main character and completely ignore the fmc. the only fandom i don't see this happening in is the folk of the air fandom. jude is getting the attention she deserves which makes me so happy. people willingly ignore what the fmc goes through at the hands of their favorite male character just bc they love them and that is just so absurd to me.

anyways, avery has been through so much fucking trauma it would take me hours to go through it all. she grew up with almost no one by her side, learning how to take care of/protect herself, lost her mother at 15, her best friend moved away a few years before her mom died, her father treated her like dog shit and completely ignore her for her entire life until she inherited the money, she lived in her car, worked her ass off at school and at work to simply keep herself alive, had to deal with drake (although she wasn't his girlfriend, he clearly affected her if she was willing to move into her car bc of him), was almost killed by drake (and, indirectly, skye), sheffield, and eve (and kidnapped by sheffield), it was mentioned in tfg (i believe) that there were other attempts on her life in between thl and tfg, dealt with people constantly belittling her trauma (and her) and saying horrible things about her, she deals with horrible panic attacks after everything she's been through, also deals with crappy self esteem (that was made worse by some of the hawthornes), her privacy was constantly invaded, and, this one is more subtle, but there are instances where she thinks (or does) self harm (like the scene in thl where she's purposefully trying to hurt herself by punching the brick wall blocking off toby's wing. both oren and jameson had to step in to help her). all of these things clearly affected her but barely anyone talks about it? i'm probably missing some things but i just wish she got more attention. she is one of the most forgiving (literally too forgiving. she's willing to forgive people so easily bc she wants to be wanted (but doesn't want to want to be wanted) and have friends)

this girl is much stronger than anyone gives her credit for (the hawthornes would never survive in the 'asylum where they raised her' (whos afraid of little old me by taylor is definitely her song)). this rant is probably all over the place and is really long (but definitely won't be the last). thank you for attending my ted talk.

[sublimecatgalaxy]

Ahhh it’s been so long since I’ve been on here n I saw ur writing for PEETA?! I’m currently rereading the series n On Mockingjay and want to cry everytime he’s mentioned. Anywhoo can I request telling Peeta ur pregnant (obviously after the war is won and all that) in honor of baby #2 I’m due with in a October?<3

GIIIIIRL CONGRADU-FUCKING-LATIONS!!!!! I'm so so so happy for you, so so so so so happy omg. I hope this is exactly what you wanted it to be.

I also wanna reread all the books before the next Hunger Games movie comes out, so excited for that one.

There's a haze across the lake outside our house, steam rising up from the warmer water as dusk settles upon the surrounding acreage. The sky is a pale orange, like Peeta's favorite color, and the stars are already out, speckling across bare sky like freckles.

My hand wanders down to my belly, though it's not growing yet, I know what's growing in there as I think to myself now, sitting on the edge of the peer as I take a deep breath in, filling my babies lungs with the most genuine of oxygen.

He doesn't know yet, I didn't want to tell him until he finally had a break from all the stress he's been under the last few years, finally bridging the gap of his therapy and coming up perfectly clean from all the capitals torture.

He's finally him again.

"Hey, there you are." Peeta's voice behind me makes me smile to myself, realizing this is a better time than never to finally rip the bandaid off and tell him our big secret. "I've been looking for you."

"I'm right here. Where I always am." I smile up at him and I watch his eyes trail over me as he sits down beside me, legs swinging off the dock beside mine. It's so still, everything is quiet except for the frogs singing their song.

"You okay?" He asks quietly, pressing a kiss to the side of my head while he wraps an arm around my shoulders, pulling me into his side. He smells like the pastries he was just working on inside, warm hazelnut and caramel wafting all the way from the open kitchen window to the pier.

"I've never been better." I grin, looking up at him with heart eyes, my whole body buzzing with love as I stare up at him through my lashes.

"What's got you so happy?" He asks, brushing some hair from my face as his thumb brushes against my bottom lip and I giggle giddily, giving his knee a gentle squeeze.

"I have a secret."

"Oh yeah? Can I know what it is?" He asks with a silly smile, eyes flickering from mine, all the way down to my lips.

"I'm nervous," I say through a small, worried smile and his expression softens to something so wholesome, so caring as he worriedly looks across my expression.

"Don't be nervous. It's me."

There's a pregnant (pun intended) pause between us as I think of how to bring this up in a way that's not just blurting out 'you knocked me up', even though that would probably make him laugh. My mind wracks the conversations we've had about having babies, making a family, and he's never given me one ounce of fear that he may not want it with me.

"You always wanted to have babies right?" He pauses, brows furrowing together as he gives me a slow, drawn-out nod.

"It was always the plan after I was de-conditioned... right?" He asks, leaning a little away from me so he can get a good look at me and for a moment I think that he's connecting the dots in his head.

"Right." I huff, giving him a bright smile. "So..."

"Oh my god." His realization is sudden, eyes widening and his smile spreading across his lips as quickly as the thought comes into his head. "Really?" He asks and I giggle, head tossing back in laughter as Peeta grabs my shoulders and shakes me. "You're joking? You can't mess with someone like this-"

"I'm pregnant." I squeal and he throws his arms around me, tugging me to his chest as a small cry escapes him and suddenly, all of the pain of the last few years closes like a book just as another one opens.

[itsnotaphasemomitsanobsession]

My favorite fics of all time

For my birthday this year (I'm turning 30!!!) I thought what better way to celebrate the day I was born but also ✨ the day all my favorite characters died ✨ by giving you all some good fics! Happy May 2nd!!!

Running on Air (T): An oldy but a goody! I remember reading this a couple years ago when I rediscovered my love for drarry! I had spent my formative years on fanfic dot net obsessing over drarry and this brought it all back in one fell swoop.

Way down we go (T): I stumbled upon this one 2 years ago and I've been rereading it ever since. It's silly and lovely and they are in Alabama. What more could be said about it? A fantastic and beautiful story and I love it so much.

A big black sky (M): if I had to pick only one fic to read for the rest of my life, it would be this one. I love everything about this fic. It's sweet and loving and kind and wholesome and so sad and just wretchedly the best thing I've read. I reread this at least 2 times a year. And every reread it just gets better and better!

A pulled down shade (M): this one is newer to my list but I can already say this is a great and phenomenal fic! The author put their soul into this fic you can really tell, the effort and the love and the hard work. Truly an amazing read and an amazing story!!!

Nice things (M): I'm a sucker for an eighth year fic and this one is very good. I love a pot smoking draco something about it really gives me the vibes I don't know why. This whole fic is wholesome and it deserves so much love!

You've got the antidote for me (M): listen. Soulmate fics. I need more of them okay? I need so many. I love them so much they make me physically ill. Read this it's so good and sweet with a touch of sad.

Burn the witch (E): big fan of the bodyguard trope! This one also has Scorpius in it and I love when Scorpius is in things it makes me happy every time! But a good fic, very interesting plot and the characterization is very good and the ocs are super good too!!

I was late (you were early) (E): one of those "if we both aren't married in 10 years" fics and it's so good! There's also one in draco's pov I'll find you again (I always do)! It's a very cute story and I loved it a whole lot!

Everything a word can mean (T): a short and sweet little ficlet! It's of course a soulmate fic where they have names that their soulmates call them written somewhere on their bodies. And Harry's just so happens to be savior.

10:37 PM on the Floor of the Seventh Floor Corridor Near the Dancing Trolls (G): another short and sweet ficlet! Takes place during 6th year outside of the room of requirement! Very good and I love the characterization and I enjoy the authors take on this part of the books!

Say anything (M): professors au is one of my favorite aus!!!! And mic it with a French speaking draco and a secretly French speaking Harry! It only gets better!!

Little Deaths and How to Avoid Them (or Draco Malfoy's Guide to Stop Dying and Start Living Instead) (T): I loved this fic a whole lot and really enjoyed the dynamic between Harry and Ginny in his oddly enough. I thought it was a very real and thought out fic that also at the same time was wholesome and sweet while going over sexuality and desire. I loved it a whole lot and it made my demisexual heart sing when I saw asexual rep.

Nearly lost things, carefully tended (E): antiques dealer draco and home owner Harry! Harry has some weird things for Draco to look at and he certainly doesn't pick the weirdest things he can find just for the blonde. Nah. Read it. It's great and silly and overall very fun!

I can't think of any more but make sure you leave comments and kudos if you like a fic!!

[veliseraptor]

April Reading Recap

Stars of Chaos vol. 2 by Priest. I'm not quite grabbed by this one yet. I'm not not enjoying it, but the main relationship doesn't quite have me compelled, and the politics aren't quite sharp enough to get me either. I'm not totally sure I'll keep buying the published volumes, at least not at this time, and just read the rest online to see how I end up feeling about it as a whole before making the financial commitment.

Medea by Eilish Quin. Listen, I'm a Medea apologist, but I'm a Medea apologist who is very much of the "she absolutely did all the awful things she's accused of and she is valid" and the author here is going "she did all the awful things she's accused of but it's not as bad as you thought it was because she didn't mean it!" and I'm just. I'm not mad, just disappointed (again). I was so hoping for a book that would do something interesting with a Medea retelling but I probably should've known better than to think it'd be this one. Why, you may ask, do I keep reading myth retellings about my problematic faves when all I do is complain about them? Hope springs eternal, I guess.

She Who Became the Sun and He Who Drowned the World by Shelley Parker-Chan. Exceptional. Might be my favorite books I read in April. I'd already read She Who Became the Sun back when it was first published and knew I'd enjoyed it (was rereading to refresh my memory for the sequel), but I felt like I enjoyed it more the second time around, and I might've liked He Who Drowned the World even more than its predecessor. If you're looking for works of just-barely fantasy with delightfully fucked up queer characters, come get 'em here. I won't say most of them are happy (they're not) or that things end well (they don't), but boy is it good reading.

The Death of Jane Lawrence by Caitlin Starling. Decent horror but not particularly outstanding, in my opinion. I liked The Luminous Dead more.

Untethered Sky by Fonda Lee. I continue to struggle with novellas. This was a perfectly good novella but it felt like it could've been a stronger short story, which I guess is better than the other way I usually come out of novellas, which is "this was a fine novella but it should've been a novel."

The Mountain in the Sea by Ray Nayler. I really liked this. It has more of a thriller-ish edge than I expected, but for all that I think it's a thoughtful book with some interesting things to say, and I feel like it's one I want more people to read so I can talk to them about it. It's set in a sort-of spooky, near-future dystopia, but a lot of it is about, like, the nature of thought and consciousness. Anyway, I found myself compelled.

Islands of Abandonment: Nation Rebounding in the Post-Human Landscape by Cal Flyn. I found myself reading this thinking a lot about The World Without Us, a book I read many years ago and would kind of like to reread, and which I think I liked more than this (at least in my memory). I was hoping for more analysis than I got from this book, which was beautifully written but more nature/travel writing than science. One thing I did appreciate was the attention paid to the human cost of the "abandoned" places examined in this book - the pain that abandonment often signifies, and the trauma it indicates, in spite of the beauty that may come after.

Emperor of Rome: Ruling the Ancient Roman World by Mary Beard. I really liked the way that Beard chose to do this one - namely, taking it by theme rather than by emperor, and breaking down different areas of the emperor's life over time rather than trying to tell a linear narrative. It also let her do some of the better "skeptical" reading of sources that I've read in a popular book on ancient history, where she was actually digging into the "rather than what this says about what this person may or may not have actually done, what does it say about expectations, beliefs, and tropes that people had" kind of reading. And after some of the other popular histories of Rome I've read, thank god for that.

Metamorphoses by Ovid, trans. Stephanie McCarter. Continuing on with my "reading new translations (by women!) of classical epics" run (started with The Odyssey, The Iliad is on my list). It was fun to reread Ovid! As usual one of my favorite parts of this was reading the translator's note and introduction, and I wanted about 500% more of that through the text (tell me about the assonance you're preserving in the Latin!) but did get some of (thanks for the information on the penis/pubic hair puns!). Overall would recommend as a good translation of Ovid that very much does not flinch away from - and makes/keeps appropriately uncomfortable - the sexual assault.

Dark Rise by C.S. Pacat. Slightly more YA than I usually like, but I enjoyed it! I was a little :\ about it for a while, very much feeling the YA cliches of it all, but the late hour twist got me interested again, and I will be picking up the sequel. Did miss the full balls-to-the-wall iddy joy of Captive Prince, though, since I probably wouldn't have picked this book up without the author recognition.

Subversive Sequels in the Bible: How Biblical Stories Mine and Undermine Each Other by Judy Klitsner. I really liked this one, particularly for its commentary comparing and contrasting Eve, and the other women of Genesis, with later Biblical narratives. I don't know how much I buy all of her arguments when it comes to intentionality of all of the comparisons she's drawing, but it certainly makes interesting food for thought, and a good sampler for me of what literary-based Biblical scholarship can look like (and an indication that I'm interested in trying more of it).

Use of Weapons by Iain M. Banks. I read most of my way through this book continuing to really appreciate what Banks does with the Culture novels and planning to continue on reading the next one, but not enjoying this specific one as much as I did The Player of Games in particular, and then I got to the very end of it and went "hang on what the fuck???" but in a decidedly good way. And I'm still kind of thinking about That even though it's been a while, which I think is a positive. Anyway, I don't think I'd recommend this as a starting place for anyone to read the Culture novels, or as a must read, but it was on the upper end of a three star rating.

Juniper & Thorn by Ava Reid. I wanted this to be more gothic horror and less romance and it ended up being more romance and less gothic horror, was my feeling. Not necessarily the book's fault, but if anyone else is eyeing it wondering...now you know.

A Deadly Education by Naomi Novik. I really enjoyed this one! I was kind of skeptical going in - I'm not a big magic school person, as a rule, and the more I feel like something is hyped to me the more I tend to drag my heels about it - but Naomi Novik is really good at what she does and she clearly had a lot of fun here. It's tropey for sure, but I enjoy the narrative voice (very important, in a first person narration), and the action moves along with what I felt was pretty good momentum. The other thing I was worried about - that it'd feel too much like this was just ~commentary on/against Harry Potter~ without saying anything for itself - didn't materialize for me. I'm looking forward to reading the next ones.

The Monster Theory Reader ed. by Jeffrey Andrew Weinstock. I'm so rusty on my academic/theory reading and I felt it reading this collection, some of which was definitely better than others. Kristeva's essay on abjection was particularly rough as far as "I'm reading words and I know all the words but something about the order they're going in is just not making sense to me." Overall...it was a decent primer? There were a few very interesting essays in there; my favorite might've been the one on tanuki in modernizing Japan's folklore, but there were a couple on "monstrous" bodies that made me wish I had someone to discuss them with. That's probably my main problem reading academic works these days: I want a seminar to dissect them afterwards and I just don't have that.

The Sabbath: Its Meaning for Modern Man by Abraham Joshua Heschel. I'm trying to read something Jewish on Shabbat now and finally getting around to reading some Heschel after years of meaning to. I thought "oh, I'll start easy with something nice and short" - yeah, no, Heschel's got a very particular style of writing and there's a lot of theological depth packed into a very short volume. I'm looking forward to reading The Prophets, though.

The Husky and His White Cat Shizun vol. 5 by Rou Bao Bu Chi Rou. I think we're juuuuust about caught up now with the official translation to where I started reading the machine translation, so I'm very excited for (a) things I don't remember as well (b) reading it not in machine translation. Also looking forward to everything about what happened with Nangong Liu and Nangong Xu making more sense this time around, on account of not reading it machine translated, because I didn't follow it so well on my first read and I feel like I'm already doing better. (Though that could also be because it's a reread, no matter how different an experience of one.) Still feel real bad for Ye Wangxi, on so many levels. Mark that one down for 'characters I'd love to know more about what they're thinking.'

The Water Outlaws by S.L. Huang. I really enjoyed S.L. Huang's other work with the Cas Russell series, and I liked this book a little less than those. It felt like an almost winner, for me. Certainly I read through it quickly enough, and I can say I enjoyed it, but I'm not sure I'd give it an enthusiastic recommendation. It falls somewhere in the middle between "a fun action/adventure story" and "something I can sink my teeth into" in a way that didn't quite satisfy either itch. Still, it did make me curious about the source material, which is one of the Chinese classics (Water Margin) and I might go and find a place to read that, if I can; if I'd had that background going in I wonder if my experience of this work would've been more edifying.

--

I'm currently rereading A Memory Called Empire so I can (finally) read the sequel (A Desolation Called Peace); I also checked out from the library the next two Scholomance books so I'll be reading those. I'm going to try to throw some nonfiction somewhere in there (maybe The Genius of Birds by Jennifer Ackerman, which I also have out from the library, but maybe something else), but I've still got the sequel to The First Sister sitting on my shelf (also from the library).

Outside of that I've got no big reading plans - I'm working my way through some of the unreads on my own shelf (despite what it may look like, about the library books) and eyeing The Doors of Eden by Adrian Tchaikovsky or a reread of Foundryside by Robert Jackson Bennett so I can continue that series.

[mythserene]

I've been rereading The Beatles' sections of Cellarful of Noise in between re-listening to the episode while I make a ring, and I disagree with Phoebe that “[Brian] also seems to be offering a bit of a mea culpa" in his version of the story, because I don't think there's a way to read this anecdote as anything other than Brian using it as an example of how he messed up early on by showing favoritism, leading to Paul getting upset and himself overreacting and all of them missing a show... and then calming down, them working it out, and Brian picking everyone back up at their homes to play the last show. (Happy ending.)

So it's more than a bit of a mea culpa.

I mean the thesis statement is, “I have no favorites among the Beatles and this they realize now, but it wasn't always so.”

I have no favorites among the Beatles and this they realize now, but it wasn't always so. A manager dealing with a close-knit foursome has to be as fair as and as cautious as a father of four children. And one night very early in my management of the Beatles this was brought home to me with an unpleasant thump.

It neither acquits nor condemns Paul for being late because the point of the story—bookended by others about the other Beatles—is the different personalities and bumps in the road with each one. (Except George, who he says he's never argued with.)

They're all, essentially, “we can work it out” stories.

The next example is the story of John in the studio telling him, "We'll make the records. You just go on counting your percentages,” and how Brian left the studio afterwards “in a sullen rage” and never got an apology.

"We'll make the records. You just go on counting your percentages." And he meant it. I was terribly annoyed and hurt because it was in front of all the recording staff and the rest of the Beatles. We all looked at one another and felt uncomfortable and John turned away, indicating that there was no apology coming. I left the studios in a sort of sullen rage.

Ringo's anecdote seems worse than Paul's, or at least as bad. (And a train is involved again.)

It was January and the Beatles were due to tackle a country in which —compared to, say, Scandinavia or Germany, they were an unknown quantity. Therefore I was anxious to make a good initial impact. This can be achieved, and the U.S. trip proved it, at the arrival airport.

But fog descended over Liverpool and Ringo Starr could not leave for London to catch the connecting aircraft to Paris. The other Beatles and I and a score of journalists were in London when we heard the news. Naturally I was very disappointed that three Beatles instead of four would descend the steps at Le Bourget Airport in Paris. I telephoned Liverpool and asked Ringo to catch the train so that he could join up in Paris as soon as possible.

He refused, possibly because he believed that a Beatle shouldn't travel by train, and said he would catch the first available plane. I didn't want this because I didn't trust the weather and I said so.

I said, "Ringo, I have never asked you to do anything especially for me before," and he replied: "Oh yes you have. You know bloody well you are always asking me to do things— to see the press, or travel for this or that. I'm not doing it and if you don't like it you can do the other thing." ...

Why was Ringo trying to sabotage Brian?? (Could it be because of Stu?) 🤔

...I was very angry and when, eventually, he arrived in Paris there was quite an atmosphere. But sulking has no place in a group like the Beatles and with just a couple of meaningful looks and a grin, all was well. And, as with other difficulties, a frank talk helped.

But all the little stories end with them understanding each other better and a compliment for the Beatle he's telling a Bump-in-the-Road story about.

Which is, of course, how his Paul story ends:

This was the only time any one of the Beatles refused to play and it could never happen now. But it was not the only time one or more of the Beatles fell out with me. It would not be normal or reasonable to expect four artistic men to glide through life without a clash of views, and although rows are rare, they happen.

So, Brian's takeaway is that “a manager dealing with a close-knit foursome has to be as fair as and as cautious as a father of four children.”

But Lewisohn's takeaway is:

John saw a bigger picture, and it would be surprising if it wasn’t equally obvious, or made obvious, to Brian and George. He likened Paul’s enduring snag with Brian to his other long-standing difficulty: “[Brian] and Paul didn’t get along—it was a bit like [Stuart and Paul] between the two of them.”

Inevitably, this wouldn’t be the only dispute to arise between Brian and a Beatle in their years together, but it is one of the few to be known, and its timing is telling. Brian devoted more than a page to it in his autobiography, saying how “worried, angry and upset” he was.

What?

One of the few to be known except the other two on the very next pages??

John causes Brian to storm out of the studio in a “sullen rage” and with Ringo he was “very angry” and there was “an atmosphere.” But Lewisohn makes it sound like Brian singled Paul out to tell this one story, so it must be a big deal.

I thought I had a very quick point to make, but somehow the moment you start to unravel any part of this you discover it's like a bottomless plate of spaghetti. (I should probably say, “the moment I start to unravel...” but from listening to the podcast I feel pretty confident that I am not alone in this.)

But at some point you just have to cut it off.

💡 🌚

[naffeclipse]

Hi Naff. Here to bother you and go on a rant again with DTT/OHG.

Can I just say that I love the way Sun, Moon and Eclipse communicate? All sweet words and compliments. Gentle touches and whispers. It exudes such passionate love no matter how that may look. Makes me want to punch the air, throw things around, kick my feet and scream "Surely NOT!" every time.

I picture Sun being a wild fire in his passion. One that builds unsatiated by mere grazes and pecks upon cheeks. Someone who, once given a taste, can't help but take just one more, just one more, just one more! One that hopes and plans to consume you should you only give the word.

Moon I feel is more charming. Whispered promises and sweet nothings grazing an ear should you only hear him out. It would be oh so saccharine to please you if you would let him. He only wants to hold you close speak praises into your skin like it's the only thing keeping him alive. It very well could be.

Eclipse, now, I see as more cunning but no less desperate. How can he spin you in his arms? What must he do? What can he say? To be close is his only desire and nothing short of death will keep him away. Let him in, and he will fulfill all of your wishes to please you. A bond between the two of you, of power, of passion would bring him to his knees and he would happily go. What more could he want?

Or something like that, idk.

This is my favorite series of yours outside of CS and SJ/BF and I could be way off in the interpretations for these three but THAT SHOULD BE ME! *cries*

Anyways, carry on.

Ah, I'm melting over this! I want to say so much but I've got to hold back because I need to get out more chapters, but this is just so divine and lovely! I'm so happy you love the demon boys and how lovely-dovey they all are! The ways they love and like to adore the witch are unique but I won't get into it further than that because of spoilers hehe

Thank you so much. I've been rereading this over and over <3