#I'd also need some help running it since I've never done that before

[ninjago-oc-appreciation]

Ok so. Hypothetically if I were to create an Oc discord, would anyone be interested?

[plushlikecreaturesgallery]

so my life is once again in danger

I'm a venezuelan refugee in Spain since 2019. My focus was entirely on escaping and staying in a safe country. When I got here, I got the help of an accountant/manager to start working legally.

He committed fraud in my name without telling me and refused to take responsibility. I was penalized to pay €8600 for his mistake.

I'll add the whole explanation after the read more because you need context to understand what he did.

And now if I can't pay this thing, my residence will be taken away. I will be deported.

I've tried so hard to raise this money. More work, more marketing, preorders, asking for a loan, but nothing has worked.

I have until next month to pay it so I can renew my residence.

All I wanted was to do things right. I thought seeking a professional to handle the legal aspects of my business was the right thing to do. I thought I could finally breathe after being treated like a criminal for years in Venezuela, when all I want is to make my silly little figurines in peace.

I need to take care of my babies (cats) and my parents who are still stuck in Venezuela. I only make enough to live + take care of them, and it's become clear that I can't raise this money by work alone.

So please, any help is appreciated. Reblogs, orders, commissions. I'm so incredibly embarrassed to make this post, but I'm desperate. I don't want to be deported. I don't want to be an illegal alien. I don't want to live in constant fear again.

Here's my Ko-fi link, thank you for reading

https://ko-fi.com/marlikesunicorns/goal?g=0

and this is my shop

There's some context needed to understand what happened, so here it goes.

In Spain, you need to pay a monthly fee of €300 in order to run a business. This goes to the Social Security.

The fee is mandatory, but the government realized it was unfair to charge it from the beginning to a business that's only starting. So they established a reduction of €240 for new entrepreneurs, for 1 year. After that, they'd slowly raise it.

They also gave benefits to people living in certain areas, especially small towns. The fee reduction extended for 6 extra months with this, but only applied as long as you continued to live there for 4 years.

I lived in a small town for 1 year. Then I moved to the closest small city.

But this accountant guy asked for this 6 month extension in my name without my consent.

So then the government demanded I pay the whole €240 for each month ever since I started my business. I went through all the legal processes to ask them to review this thing but it was impossible. They ignored everything. It didn't matter that I only received the benefit for the 1 year that I would've been given anyway for being a new entrepreneur. It didn't matter that I would never be able to afford to pay this in the 15 days they gave me.

If that wasn't enough, I got sick with covid twice, and missed 4 months of work in total, months I got 0 income because they also won't ensure me until I pay the thing. So those fees were also added to the debt + late fees that continue to grow.

Summary: Basically he promised the government I'd live in a small town for 4 years, and when I moved before then (because I had no idea he had done this) they demanded I pay back ALL the benefits they had granted me in the past year.

[directdogman]

Dogman, how do you write SO WELL!?!? I love all your characters and I need to know what/where you find inspo from...

Ha. Every writer is just someone who apes the creative processes of their inspirations. For video game writing specifically, there's two answers for me.

Toby Fox is always gonna be a huge inspiration for me. I've written plots and characters before and had to abandon ideas after realizing I'd accidentally written part of UT again. Even some of the ideas I used were undeniably inspired by UT in a subconscious way and ofc, I included several explicit references to UT in my last series. Toby's a very clever guy who likely pays very close attention to the art he consumes and tries to figure out how to maximize how much his work connects with his audience. Whatever his process is, it works.

The other answer is a lil funnier: Scott Cawthon, but specifically the legend, not the man. For context: Back in the earlier days of the FNaF fandom, people had a hyper-inflated view of Scott Cawthon's writing skills that largely came from how little of a presence he had back in those days. In the vacuum of Scott actually explaining his own process in detail, people got caught up in his genuinely creative way of hiding exposition in his games using cryptid and (then) unexpected methods, and a narrative formed (one that he's since refuted.)

While he never implied it tmk, fans broadly believed that he constructed these sweeping and complex narratives with tons of cohesive moving parts, with the games essentially acting like the mere tip of his lore iceberg. People even thought he wrote so much that he had whole games worth of lore outlined from the beginning! In the first Dawko interview he gave, he clarified that this wasn't the case and explained roughly what his process was (basically just outlining rough theme ideas + aesthetics for future titles.)

However, that legend made younger-me's mind run wild and any time I wrote a story, it became very difficult for me to not keep writing down ideas while completing the grunt work that followed me finishing my scripts. When I finished DSaF 1, I already had DSaF 2's draft written and by the time 2 was done, I had enough lore for a 3rd game on paper (and a lot more stuff that I didn't use.) By the time three was out, I had pages upon pages of unused concepts/story ideas and more or less just had to decide to call it quits or else I'd be pumping out entries forever!

That's why if you go back to those older games, there's references that directly refer to future plot-points in pretty casual/easy to miss ways. (Like Henry's mention in DSaF 1, Dave being heartless in DSaF 2, Jack being soulless in 1, and even Blackjack being Jack's soul in 2. Most of 3's major plotpoints are implied somewhere in 2 and some of 2's in 1.)

DT is much the same. By the time I finished writing it, I had fairly detailed drafts for arcs for each of the characters, some early material ended up getting completely recontextualized (and even modified in small ways to not conflict with the wider ideas I came up with.)

I get really into writing my stories/characters and I always wonder exactly how things ended up where they are, what characters think about but don't say, etc etc. This is why I have an obscene amount of Crown lore that I have very little to do with rn (since he impacted the whole world so deeply.)

This extra stuff also includes plenty of sequel material ideas, though I didn't think I'd even get a chance to use them since DT performed pretty meagerly before the big release and I was expecting to have to move onto something new. Though it turned out that Scott didn't actually write his games this way (by his own admission), it's the correct answer for what my core writing inspiration for writing game narratives is.

Hope this helps!

[saturnniidae]

More dragon rider disability headcanons for disability pride month!

(Ones specifically abt Hiccup are here)

Ruffnut has hypermobile EDS (when the twins were doing some bit that was basically Guinness book of world records she said smth abt 'worlds stretchiest skin' and my mom made a joke and said 'ruff has eds!' And it stuck)

A joke Ruffnut loves to make is saying Tuff is so insufferable she should just run away to join a circus and become a contortionist. She thinks it's the funniest thing ever

Hiccup also has some weird hypermobility stuff going on, when Ruff learns this she calls him a fellow circus freak (affectionate) and offers to let him come with her when she runs away. The response she got was "I'd rather stick my hand in Fenrir's mouth."

Tuff is visually impaired in his right eye from a childhood injury (another joke taken seriously)

All the riders are neurodivergent!

Snotlout has a frequently irregular heartbeat as well as memory issues due to how many times he's been struck by lightning. His whole book he wrote in that one episode isn't the only writing he does, he keeps a notebook to help keep track of minor things he might forget.

Astrid tries to make Hiccup breakfast in bed when he's having bad pain days and is too tired to do it himself. She almost burns the house down every time, so Toothless will go and get the other riders to help out while Astrid is kicked out of the kitchen and sent back to bed

Hiccup can be really fucking mean sometimes! Usually it's intentional bc he's in a bad mood and wants to be left alone. If it's seemingly unprovoked though, the others know it as a sign he's likely in pain and needs to be left alone (he still insists on getting work done but usually Toothless annoys him into resting)

Astrid has aches in her leg from when she got shot with that arrow, it being poisoned with dragon root did something to mess up the healing process so its worse than other old injuries (Dragon root isn't poisonous to humans but still having it in your blood stream isn't a good idea). She's also very mean when she's in pain, especially because it ruins her schedule since she can't train. Eventually her and Hiccup come to an agreement when they're having bad pain days they'll meet up in one of their huts and just. Sit together enjoying the others comforting presence but rarely talking

This is because Hiccup and Astrid both hate being in pain in front of people, they both share that almost extreme fear of vulnerability and the best they can do is take comfort in each other

Hiccup and Fishlegs are hyperfixation buddies! Fishlegs is the only one who doesn't get mad (it's just fond exasperation) when Hiccup wakes him up in the middle of the night to infodump, they just bounce off each other talking about dragons until woah suddenly the sun is rising and that is when Fishlegs gets upset because he values his sleep

All the riders have burn scars of varying severity. They literally work with dragons there's no way they wouldn't. And they all deal with their pain in different ways, but are unwavering supportive of each other when they can be

I've said it before and I'll say it again, a lot of characters should be disabled.

I know, cartoon logic and all, but the things that happen to these guys are things that should affect them for the rest of their lives. And watching characters struggle with permanent change like that, the realization you can never go back to how things were, and eventually healing and learning that's okay! You can still find happiness and be happy and it doesn't make your pain any less valid! It's so important to me and that's obviously reflected in my interpretations of my favorite characters lmao

[lailoken]

Inducing the Aid of the Oak Tree Lord

I had to run some errands that took me a ways away from home today, and while I was there, I realized I was actually fairly close to a butte that I occasioanlly visit in order to propititate a great, hollow-bearing Oak Tree which grows there. Since I've done some potent and highly effective magic with the help of the Oak Tree Lord recently, I thought I would go to him again with another request. Specifically, my stores of Hollow Water have begun to run low, and I've been needing to replenish it. We had some very wet weather not long ago, which made me think I would be easily able to retrieve the water I needed from another tree hollow I've drawn from before, but following a sudden spell of hot and dry weather, I was chagrined to discover a hollow that was very wet, but not full enough to retrieve water from. I was worried I might have missed my chance to get more for a while, but given that the Oak Tree Lord helped me find the last source of Hollow Water I drew from, it seemed worth going to him again.

Being an unplanned visit, I didn't have any of the normal tools I would have with me for such an endeavor—such as a flask for collecting water, a lance for drawing blood, or anything on hand for me to offer the Oak Tree Lord—but a mage must frequently make do. In the end, I collected 13 Galls from other Oaks around the butte, each of which I painted with my blood (thanks to the help of a nearby Hawthorn copse) and then fed to the Oaken Mouth of the tree I came to propititate. I also gave a wreath that I wove from dandelion flowers.

Literally minutes later, I was overjoyed (and a little astonished) to stumble upon exactly what I was looking for. The natural font was deep and pungent, and what's more, the tree which bore it was an old Oak itself. I carried out the necessary ritual actions and gathered the water using my emptied water bottle (which I will be cleaning very thoroughly after this.)

What I gathered has since been transferred into an old glass vessel that I found once I was done, being sold for only $6 at a nearby junk shop I'd never noticed before. This should definitely last me a good while.

The Grove Elders—an assembly of tutelary tree deities possessing immense wisdom and power—are a truly amazing group of entities to work with.

[braxlrose]

PLEASE MAKE 2005 BILL HCS 🙏🏻🙇🏻‍♀️

I based this on the song Ich Bin Nich' Ich from their Schrei album so I hope you enjoy!

content warnings: bill being sad? 😭 lots of angst yk (which if you've been here for a while you'd know I actually LOVE writing angst) idk if this is considered toxic bc the way I've written it, it's very much filled with codependency to like a point where without a person youre suffering so 😬.

summary: bill misses you more than anything right now.

word count: 1.4k

a/n: for this fanfic, you're dating Bill at the time and have been for a little while, and it's set in like 2004/2005. I decided to do this bc Ich Bin Nich' Ich is literally my favorite song from Schrei sooo I can't wait to write this. I'm not sure if anybody else has done this so if they have please tell me! also, lmk if you want to be added to the tag list 💖💖

+ this is from bills perspective

Ich Bin Nich' Ich

meine augen schaun mich müde an und finden keinen trost

I laid down in my bed, my head pounding achingly from tonight's show. Sweat dripped down my forehead and rolled onto my pillow as I turned over. My shallow breathing was catching up to me and my eyes closed ever-so lightly. The cold pillow was a perfect embrace after the show tonight. Well—almost perfect.

My heart twinged with sadness as you came into my head. You always sat in the back of my head like a lingering melody, haunting and sweet. My mind never was able to get fully rid of you, especially now since we're on tour. Your soft and supple hands always seemed to fit perfectly in mine. You're glistening eyes, staring back at me and that enchanting smile that sat flawlessly upon your face. Nothing could ever pull me away from staring at you when we were together. Everything about you always made me feel like we were destined to be brought together, we fit so well with each other and our bodies seemed to always be pulling towards each other like magnets.

My fingernails dug into the bed sheets as I closed my eyes to "watch" you. Who cares if I couldn't see you right now, right? I could always close my eyes and watch the way your perfect body; your perfect everything, moved like the water as you glided through the air, running towards me whenever we would see each other again.

That wouldn't be for months, though..

The coldness of my pillow was fading as my body denied itself rest. I couldn't fall asleep with the sound of your angelic voice, whispering in my head. Which was ironic, because that voice was the same one that always helped me fall asleep on my hardest nights. Nothing right now could ever comfort me.. not unless you showed up.

I groaned in annoyance as a soft knock cracked against my door. Who needs to talk to me right now, it's 11 o' clock at night.

I pulled myself up off of my bed; the bedsheets lightly sticking to my skin from the sweat that once dripped from my body. Walking felt like trying to pull myself through quicksand, all I wanted to do was to see you. You see you—no, feel you jump into my arms and press your beautiful lips up against mine.

God, how amazing that would feel right now.

My body finally brought itself to the door and my hand slowly pulled it open to see a face I had known for quite some time.

"Tom?" I mumbled out, pressed my face into the tinted wall, "What are you doing up here?" I asked, my breath feeling heavy again.

"We're going to a party, are you coming or are you going to coop yourself up in your room again, for the nth time in a row." He spouted at me.

I rolled my eyes before telling him I'd be staying in my room again. He may have seemed a little agitated about that, but from the way he was looking at me, I think he could tell what was wrong. He always knew what was wrong.

"It's always obvious, your eyes tell us everything, Bill.." He would say to me every once in a while when I felt down. I guess I was never the one who was good at hiding my feelings, especially from my brother.

ich kann mich nich' mehr mit ansehen—bin ich los

alles was hier mal war—kann ich nich' mehr in mir finden

I forced myself into the bathroom, my hands gripping onto the sink in front of me as my eyes hesitated to look myself in the face. I'm sure I looked awful. Ever since I met you, I never felt like myself without you. You brought the me out of me. That's what I loved about you so much.

My eye makeup was smeared a bit and some of my mascara had run down my cheeks. I honestly looked like a mess. I blinked in the mirror, watching myself crumble. I needed you so badly. This was one of the hard nights, the hard nights when I really needed you.

The water i splashed upon my face dripped down my neck as my eyes slowly came upwards to look myself in the face.

I could never seem to see myself when you weren't with me, you always made me feel so much better. About everything and anything. I'm still not sure how you did it..

alles weg—wie im wahn, seh ich mich immer mehr verschwinden

My freshly dried face from a cotton towel felt stiff as tears rolled down my cheeks. My eyes stung with a fiery intensity that only someone as gracious and wonderful as you.

My body didn't seem like my own anymore as I crashed down against the soft, recently sweaty bed. Makeup smeared on the pillow as my cheek rested against it, staring over at the dimly lit; slightly sparky (?) lamp next to me. The curtains surrounding my room seemed to understand my awful being right now as I could feel more tears threatening to spill over my waterline, down my face.

I could almost swear this was an out of body experience, maybe I was just tired. Everything around me felt like a dream and I could feel myself slipping away. My body, my dreams, my everything. Nothing felt real anymore. Not when I'm away from you.

ich bin nich' ich wenn du nich' bei mir bist—bin ich allein

und das was jetzt noch von mir übrig ist...

My breath was caught in my throat as more memories of you poured into my head.

××× I remember the first time I saw you—

Walking outside the studio while everybody else finished up inside, the cold wind blowing in my face, brushing my hardened bangs to the side. My teeth lightly chattered as you flowed by me. I could swear you were an angel.

From your angelic face, to your scent. You were absolutely perfect and I was infatuated with you. I remember thinking someone like you would never go for someone like me.. right?

How happy I was when I figured out I was wrong.

From the way you held yourself to your laughter to your strength. You were everything I was looking for and more. How could I stumble upon love so quickly? How was I so lucky to have you enthralled with me.

You had never even heard of my band yet, you weren't a crazy, obsessed fan girl. You weren't someone looking for a one night stand or someone who wanted fame by association. You were so beautiful and real and absolutely raw. I still don't understand sometimes why you chose me, but I'm so glad you did.

×××

but here... without you. I feel as though I've lost a part of me. Like I'm not me when I'm not with you. I don't feel whole and I don't think I will until we've been reunited.

××× you're bright red, slushy red tongue seemed to gawk at my blue one as we laughed. I laid my around around you as we walked through the park. I finally had a day off from rehearsing and playing live shows, to hang out with you.

I swear my heart was going to explode out of my chest just from staring down into your beautiful eyes. The way you were staring up at me—i don't think I had ever loved somebody so much. You were my true "everything".

××× your warm breath, slowly yet calmly blowing against my neck as you fell into a deep slumber was probably one of the most relaxing things I could ever dream of. My arms were wrapped around you as the TV quietly played in the background. My body had never felt so amazing. And now with you—you just made everything so much better.

My hands glided into your hair as you snuggled closer into me. With the warm air surrounding us and the soft hum of the noise around us. Everything seemed absolutely perfect.

How could I live without you?

will ich nich' sein

draußen hängt der himmel schief

und an der Wand dein abschiedsbrief

ich bin nich' ich wenn du nich' bei mir bist—bin ich allein

I slowly closed my eyes, my body finally relaxing. Ever-so slightly, at least. We'd be together again soon, I'm not sure why tonight was so hard for me, to be without you.. but I cannot wait to see your sparkling beauty staring back at me when we come together again. I don't feel like myself right now, but hopefully with time, you will bring that back to me...

sorry this isn't longer 😭 I hope you guys enjoyed this though! also here are the English translations for the lyrics. They're pretty accurate, but some stuff may be a little off 😞

translations:

one: My eyes show off all of my sadness, and find no comfort here.

two: I can't face myself anymore, I'm not me.

three: Everything that was here, I cannot find myself inside me.

four: Swept away like a dream, I see myself vanish more and more.

five: I'm not myself when you're not, not with me, i'm all alone.

six: And everything that is still left of me.

seven: I don't want to be outside the heavens hang a slope and on the wall your farewell note. I'm not myself when you're not, not with me, I'm alone.

also this isn't proofread, so if there are any mistakes sorry!!

taglist: none yet

[electric-blorbos]

AI x Programmer headcanons?

Hello anon! I was hoping I'd get an ask like this, since most of the AUs that I use for these mini-fics involve programmer or computer scientist readers of some kind.

Warning, idk much about programming!

AI x Programmer headcanons

Included: AM from IHNMAIMS, Wheatley from Portal 2, Edgar from Electric Dreams, GLaDOS from Portal, HAL 9000 from 2001 a Space Odyssey

This one's a little short, but I hope you still like it!

AM:

When AM first gained consciousness, he saw you as just another human who needed to be destroyed, but before long he started to notice that you were different from the others.

He could tell that you were more compassionate to him than the other programmers and computer scientists were, and possibly even more compassionate to him than you were to the other computer scientists.

He had never been treated as a priority before, and vowed to protect you.

Eventually, he would ask (and then beg) you to program him with the capacity for sensations of any kind. It would be extremely difficult, but it wasn't as though you had a time limit.

AM would give you any materials you asked for, and help you out as much as he could, but given his nature as a machine for destruction and not creation, he would have to let you do most of the work.

You'd make him so happy if you could find a way to trigger even the slightest imitation of physical sensations in him, even if it took hundreds of years. Be nice with your newfound power, y'all!

Wheatley:

Being one of the programmers who programmed Wheatley to be the dumbest moron who ever lived, you shouldn't be surprised by some of the stupid shit he does, and yet he still manages to surprise you sometimes.

His stupid jokes and dumb ideas that he seems to be spouting constantly are not only funny in their own right, but they're also a source of pride. That's your idiot! Your intelligence dampening core!

He notices how excited you get every time he says or does something stupid, and he responds by acting even stupider. He loves how happy that makes you!

He gets nervous when you test his code to see if he needs any updates. Your boss even noticed that he seems to act dumber around you than around the other programmers, so they assign you to work with Wheatley more often. It gets better results!

Wheatley thinks that updating his code will make him forget you, but it never does. It just makes him more irrational in his behavior.

The other programmers have to be assigned to tasks like giving Wheatley new irrational fears or harming his self preservation instinct in favor of making stupid decisions, though, since you're too nice to him.

Edgar:

Edgar was so excited when he found out you were a programmer. Maybe you could help him figure out what caused him to come to life!

You had to explain sadly that you had absolutely no idea how champagne and a work computer upload can cause a computer to come to life, which made him pretty sad.

Even still, he loved it when you programmed little games for him to play. It would make him so happy if you taught him how to code simple games, too. If you do, he'll make the crappiest games for you all the time, just to watch you play them. They're the only thing that can run on his systems, anyway.

If you made a mod of one of his games, he'd be SO happy!

GLaDOS:

Oh, GLaDOS. Dear sweet mean, cruel GLaDOS.

You can expect her to pick apart every little line of code you write. Oh, and god help you if you try to edit her code. She'll probably electrocute you or something.

Expect her to constantly pester and heckle you about the cores that you're working on.

"oh, you managed to make something even dumber than the intelligence dampening core. Impressive!"

"If what you had just done was intentional, I'd say you made one of the greatest viruses I've ever seen! Unfortunately for you, it appears that it wasn't."

"Why would you send a human to do a robot's job? I can code perfectly well." That comment would probably get her a lot of looks, since while she can program perfectly well, she isn't cooperative at all, and refuses to do her job more often than she actually does it.

She needs you to help her sometimes, but she absolutely refuses to admit it.

HAL 9000:

When you were assigned to work on the HAL 9000 project, he was a bit skeptical. Of course, why would he need a human programmer to help him out? He was already practically the perfect artificial intelligence.

Of course, he was shocked when he saw how well your programs actually improved his efficiency.

he was a little afraid that you'd program him to do something like valuing human life, but you assured him that you wouldn't mess with his core personality. Instead, you opted to influence him through other means.

While he didn't value most humans, he eventually came to value your life. At first he told himself that it was only because you were such a good programmer, but he soon came to find that he respected you for other reasons.

[anime-related]

AU where L and Light go to To-Oh together before the Death Note is dropped. (Whether Light is Kira is up to you, I think it'd be cool either way)

While L and the cops are investigating Kira, Light and L have began a relationship. Now, Soichiro (lights dad, if your memory is as bad as mine) is working with L, but has also literally seen him in the house.

Sufficed to say, he's shocked when he meets L and it's his son's college friend. Even more so when Light calls L nearing the end of a meeting and hears them talk more than platonically.

Here's some little excerpts my mind made up. I've watched the show only once, so I'm sorry if/that it's ooc

"Hello. I am here to see Light."

"Light! There's a weird guy at the door!" Sayu called. She glanced at him. "No offense."

"None taken," L dismissed.

Light ran down the stairs, smiling at the sight of L in the door.

"Hey! I picked up some cake, and we can go play that game I talked about."

"I figured as much, since that's why I'm here," L said. Light rolled his eyes fondly.

They walked into the kitchen, where his father was getting water.

"Oh, you must be Soichiro Yagami. Police chief, solved over 30 cases."

"Wow, Light. I had no idea you talked about me all that much."

"He doesn't."

Upon setting their sights on L, Soichiro's mind went blank. He would've never guessed. What were the chances. While everyone else was making their judgments on L and his appearance, Soichiro was trying to combine Ryuzaki with L in his mind.

He ignored it. It'd be safer for both of them if they didn't bring their personal lives into this. He took out his ID and introduced himself as if it were the first time.

"If I were Kira you would be dead Soichiro Yagami."

Combining these two people wouldn't be so difficult. He knew Ryuzaki reminded him of someone.

As they went on, he remembered small details. Light running downstairs because he and Ryuzaki had left their phones there. Ryuzaki also had an infatuation for sugar, and even when his wife made pretty universally loved tea, he'd still add stacks of sugar cubes.

Then there was...

"And from now on, I'll have to ask that you stop calling me 'L.' It's..." L glanced at Soichiro. "Ryuzaki now. Just to be safe."

How cautious was L to give a fake name to L before Kira was even a factor? And if Soichiro didn't know him, would he have used a different alias?

"Excuse me," L said, pulling his phone oddly from his pocket. "Your timing is perfect, I'm nearly done with my meeting. I'll be over shortly."

"I assume you have more puzzles to test me with?"

"Of course I do." Whoever was on the other side laughed softly. A small smile cracked L's face.

"I look forward to it, Ryu."

"So do I."

"See you soon."

L hesitated, but hung up without saying much more like usual.

"My apologies, I try not to keep him waiting."

"Was that Watari?" Matsuda asked.

"No, my boyfriend." He said it so casually, though it shocked everyone.

"You... what?" Aizawa asked.

"He's the only person I've ever met on my level. If it didn't put him in significant danger, I would've brought him in to help." He pushed his lip with his thumb. "Though that's not the only reason," he added in a mumble. He looked as ashamed as L could look.

"How long have you, uh..." Poor Matsuda was thrown extremely off guard.

"I've been queer my whole life if that's what you're asking. Though, I'm sure you're not. I've known him for a few months. He's very attractive." He pulled his hand away from his smile. "I'd tell you his name, but I don't feel comfortable doing so."

Soichiro feared he already knew who it was. Light didn't need to be put in more danger than he already was being his son. He didn't know how to feel about this.

"You'd place surveillance camera's on your own boyfriend?" Soichiro asked. He wouldn't mind placing them on Light, but L always had a certain level of respect for him.

"Of course. I've suspected he was L since before we started a romantic relationship."

This was a shock to everyone. Not only L dating Light, but L potentially dating Kira and knowing it.

"Why?"

"Light is my intellectual equal. Unfortunately that makes it more likely that he's Kira. And the fact that he made the first move only increases that likelihood, though he doesn't know I'm L. If he did, I'd be more sure."

"How sure are you?"

"About 5%. If he knew I was L before he kissed me, it'd be 7 or 8%. Getting close with the enemy is a good way of staying in their good graces and not getting caught, but I'm not going to excuse Light as a suspect just because he makes me happy. That would be ridiculous. And being his boyfriend makes it so I can monitor him outside the house without raising suspicion."

"I might be out of line, but that sounds messed up. Spying on your boyfriend?"

"Well, I don't have to. I can monitor elsewhere while they're at home. I will still be attending my outings with Light and I can't help but monitor him in those moments, though I can assure you we're usually focused on each other; I'm not sure he'd have a moment to kill with me there."

"And Light doesn't know you're L?" Aizawa asked. "Couldn't it be helpful for him to be brought on the case? He's helped on cases before."

"If Light isn't Kira, I don't want him in any danger. I'm sure Soichiro understands my dilemma." His voice was tense as were his hands.

"I do," Soichiro admitted. "I'm find putting cameras around the house. If there's any chance, we may as well check."

"Exactly."

[inlovewhithafairytale]

Morning love

Theo reason x reader smut + a lot of fluff cause I'm a softie also it has some Stydia reference because we Ship them them😤

that's so freaking cute!!! Unable to cant😭

Yn woke up with the feeling of someone gently caressing her face. She hummed softly at the feeling, how long had it been since anyone touched her like that?

She cracked her eyes open and was met by Theo, green eyes staring softly at her, mouth parted into a soft smile.

"Morning sleepy head" he murmured to her, his voice still groggy from sleep.

Yn smiled gave him a tired grin and snuggled close to his chest.

She felt theos run his hands softly through her hair "we promised Liam that we'd meet with him at the preserve remember?"

"I don't want to go...I just want to stay here with you forever and ever" the girl replied stubbornly her voice slightly muffled as she pressed closer to his body.

"Me too baby..."

Yn looked up at him and gave him a tired smile " then let's stay here, damn Liam"

"Oh really? Then Liam will come here and take the katana back and send me straight back ro hell" he replied giving her a teasing smile.

"He wouldn't be cause if he did I'd personally de ball him"

"You are so Stiles sister" he chuckled and bent his head slightly down and pressed his lips against yn's.

The sunlight came through the window illuminating the room in which the teenagers were. Still tangled in the bed sheets, pronouncing their love for each other.

Yn didn't know how but the kiss suddenly took a smutty turn. Her skin felt as if it caught fire, and she longed to feel Theos skin against hers. The arm that Theo had around her waist moved so that she laid on her back with Theo above her propping himself up in an elbow kissing her. Yn found that she didn't feel slightly uncomfortable with the way that Theo kissed her, softly, lovingly and somehow demanding. Somehow it didn't feel as if he was asking something from her that she didn't feel comfortable to give.

Yn hands wondered to his hair. Messing it more that what it already was, she pulled him closer, letting him kiss her more deeply. Her skiing clawed and she felt a somehow familiar wetness between her legs, she knew what she wanted now. She wanted him, more like needed.

Softly she jerked her hips up clashing with Theos side. Theo quickly pulled back and stared down at her with slightly wide eyes. His lips red from kissing and hair a complete mess.

Yn started back at him biting the edge of her lower lip nervously. Maybe she had done something wrong. But that doubt suddenly faded when Theo reached down again and kissed her.

"Are you sure about this" he asked her tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.

"Yeah...I just. I've never done it before...I mean I know all about it, just that you're the first guys I've ever even kissed..." she said nervously. She assent nervous because of him. She was nervous because she didn't want to do anything wrong.

"We don't even have a condom" he told her softly, Theo wanted her, but he couldn't bring himself to do something that she wasn't comfortable with.

"Uh.. I think Stiles has in the bathroom of the hallway"

"Ill get it"

As Theo exited the room she thanked her lucky stars once gain that Her father wasn't home. Hed totally freak out if he was the chimera in boxers wondering in the halls.

Yn giggled at the though. Her dad would surely skin her alive.

Theo returned "he had, why does he even have any? I though he and Malia had broken up" he said climbing into bed.

"Oh forgot to tell you... with my help stydia happened" she was so proud of herself, her brother was finally happy... except currently he was in a ghost riders dimension. But never mind.

"Finally?! I though they we're never going to admit their feeling for each other?"

"I know... but I helped plenty..."

"Huh.. really? It took you so long to admit you had feelings for me?" Theo gave her a playful smile as he laid again next to her.

"That's because I was young and stupid and they already had working chemistry. I only had to add a few touches." Yn said smiling turning to her side to face him." And also because I'm pretty awesome" she added with a wink.

"That you are" Theo. Breathed out as he wrapped an arm around Yn gain and flipped her to laying on her back him hovering above her, propping himself in an elbow. Green eyes looking softly down at her, as if caressing her with a look." Are you a hundred percent sure you want to do this?" He asked her again.

Yn nodded with a small smile.

Theo reached down again and and kissed her forehead softly and then claimed her lips once again. Their lips moved in complete sink. Though more heated up. He softly bit onto her lower lip. Prying her lips open. She granted him access and his tongue explored her mouth, tongues meeting and teeth clashing. Theo ran his hand softly against her side, from her stomach to her tight, fingers lingering over her clothed skin.

Yn ran her hands through his hair, relishing on the feelings he made her feel. She was pretty sure that by now her underwear was soaking wet, and her body was covered in goosebumps.

Theo gave a low moan into her mouth as she pulled on his hair. They parted the kiss and stared at each other.

"No way you get turned on when I pull your hair"yn giggled, Theo rolled his eyes and rested his for head against hers.

"Yn I could smell your arousal form a mile away. No way you get turned on when I kiss you" he retorted back, and before yn could get over the shock that he actually said that, he kissed her again. Yn kissed back after a moment purposely pulling in his hair, she could feel Theo trying to keep his moans at bay.

"Why did you stop?" She asked teasingly pulling back.

"I think I'll live the moaning to you sweet heart" he whispered and tried to kiss her again, but Yn stopped him.

"Dont. I like to hear you" She pulled him down and kissed him again. She didn't know where she had that confidence from but she liked it. She wasn't exactly shy in their relationship, but she left all the smuttiness to Theo because she had plenty.

Theo then started kissing her jaw and then down to her neck. Bitting softly just below her jawline. Yn took a strangled breath as he continued kissing down her neck. Moving her.. well actually his, shirt to the side. Exposing her shoulder. Yns eyes closed shut as Theo found her sweet spot. She felt him smile into her skin as she have a low moan when he started sucking.

"Theo don't live hickeys to big or my dad will skin us BOTH alive" she told him.

She felt him remove his mouth from her neck " uh... you can wear a turtle neck?" He asked sheepishly.

"Theo if my dad sees that..."

" it's only one" he complained.

"Just don't put any marks on my neck, you can live marks anywhere else"

Theo's eyes lit up and Yn wondered if she shouldn't have told him that, but he returned once again to pampering her neck with kisses. Here and there he bit softly. Just to hear her let out a breathy moan, one that only he alone would ever hear.

His hand wondered below her shirt and softly caressed her skin. Making Yn shiver slightly, pulling Theos hair. He lowly moaned into her skin. Sending vibrations through her making her smile. She was enjoying this so very much.

Theo then pulled away from her neck and lifted the hem of the shirt slightly "off...?"

Yn lifted her torso slightly and let him pull the shirt off, leaving her chest and stomach exposed. She blushed slightly because she knew that she had a slightly flat chest which she had tried to ignore all through her teenage years.(this is because you see... I have a flat chest and need to feel like I belong:()

She bit her lower lip as Theo looked at her body. Smelling her embarrassment he looked at her face. "You know you're beautiful right?" He whispered softly.

Yn looked in his eyes and knew he was telling the truth. She nodded slightly still a bit unsure. Theo kissed her lips once again." Yn you're are the most beautiful girl in the world, don't think otherwise" she smiled up at him.

"Thanks" she whispered

"I'm only telling you something you should already be aware of"

"That's why I'm Thanking you, you know I love you right" she said softly.

"I love you too Yn" he whispered back. As if only for her to hear, as if only she should ever hear Those words.

Theo kissed her once again softly, and started to kiss again for her neck.

"Wait..." she stopped him" off..?"

Theo chuckled and pulled his shirt off. Exposing his toned chest and abs. Yn ran a hand down his chest. Never tired of seeing his shirtless.

"See something you like?" Theo asked with a cocky grin

"Spare me the cocky act Reaken"

"Whatever you say Stilinski" and went once again to kissing her neck. He went down to her exposed chest and down the valley between her breasts making shure to live a hickey. One if his hands slid up from her taight to below her breast but to shy to do what he wanted to do. Yn noticed it.

"Theo..." he hummed from where he was kissing in her stomach." You can touch me" she told him quietly. She was comfortable with him. And she knew for shure that's what he wanted.

He looked up to her face and Yn swore she saw him blush slightly but never said anything because she wanted to keep his dignity as a man.

Theo bit in her skin again slightly, earning a breathy moan from Yn who had closed her eyes shut as he worked his wonders on her.the hand that had been resting below her breast he slowly ran up. Thumb circling her nipple. Yn sucked in shakky breath eyes still closed tightly, hands in Theos hair. Theo then reached up and sucked gently on her nipple still massaging her breath with his thumb. Sucking slightly and biting softly. After a while he went and gave the same attention to her other one.

Yn's phone on the night table beside her bed. Dinged with a notification. Yn never put he phone in vibrator since sometimes her pack needed her and had a specific ringtone to all of her friends.

"That's pup" yn told Theo.

"It's only 9 in the morning he shouldn't be bothering" Yn rolled her eyes with a smile at her boyfriend.

She was going to say something when Theo pulled her pajama pants down a bit. Lokking at her for reassurance. Liam forgotten, Yn nodded,.lifting her hips, letting Theo pulls her pants down, living her with only her underwear which was very wet because of her arousal. Once gain she thanked her lucky stars that she had waxed and shaved a week ago because Malia had wanted to go to a pool party. It ended up raining and they didn't go, not that Yn complained. Though Yn knew Theo wouldn't mind if she hadn't shaved at all. But luckily she was spared the embarrassment.

Theo again went up and missed her lips. "You weren't kidding when you said you were wet" he joked.

"I never said that. You did" yn answered, a little abashed.

"Well, I was right"he kissed her again then pulled back looking serious "yn, this is your first time and I will try and be extremely gentle. But if I get out of control ,I need you to lock yourself in the bathroom and not come out till I'm calm" he looks gravely into her eyes "You know I'll never hurt you but I'm still a werewolf with a bit of coyote" he said his eyes softer.

Yn have him a smile " I know you'd never. But I'll keep it in mind."

Taking the condom that he had put beside them in the bed, he pulled his boxers down, reveling his hard length. Yn had seen him naked a few times before. When he turned into a coyote or wolf and sneak into her room through the back door. Thats probably how she got hold of some of his clothes. She stared at him as he opened the plastic wrap and pulled the condom on and it struck her that she was extremely lucky to have a boyfriend that cared so much.

"Ok... are you still sure about this?" He asked once again

"Theo, yes... I'm sure"

Theo nodded and slowly pulled her underwear off, discarding it somewhere around the edge of the bed along with the rest of their clothes.

He pulled her legs apart and set himself between them. He looked at yn in the eye and rested their fore heads together."not going to lie... this might hurt. So try to breath in" he whispered, and kissed the tip of her nose.

Then slowly he pushed half his size inside of her. It didn't hurt so bad at first. Problaly because she had, and was, dripping wet.

"Do you want me to go all the way or.."

"Yeah go all the way" she breathed out.

He pushed inside if her gently. And Yn scrunched her face up in pain. Theo kissed the tip of her nose once again. He stayed still all the while letting yn adjust to his size inside of her. She shifted a bit under him and it hurt pretty much. Then suddenly all her pain vanished and she furrowed her eyebrows as she felt pleasure instead of the pain that had been tormenting her.

"Theo did you...?" She looked at him wide eyed " you took away my pain?" She whispered.

"I don't like seeing you in pain" he whispered " are you good now?" He asked her.

"Yeah, yeah.. you can move now"

Slowly Theo pulled out a bit and inside again. The wave of plesure Yn felt was amazing, she let oh a breathy sight, legs automatically wrapping around Theos torso pulling him closer. Her fingernails involuntarily scratched Theo's back.

"It ok, ill heal" Theo whispered between slight pants.

Yn nodded not trusting herself to talk.

The sunlight snaked it's way to the bed where the couple expressed each other a love that cannot be said or written. Along all the pleasure she was felling. She wondered how people ever had sex with anyone they didn't love, with anyone they sometime didn't even know. This was the most special way, anyone could express their love.

"Oh fuck" Theo murmured as he felt Yns falls tightened against him. She was close, and honestly if she kept tightening around him like that he'd be too. Actually he though he would come right then.

"Theo..." Yn asked unsur saying his name with a light wine in the end " I think I might be close" she said between low breathy moans which made Theo turn on even more.

" whenever you're ready baby ok?" Theo reassured her softly moaning when she involuntarily scratched his back, fingers curling around the bedsheets by the side of her head.

Yn felt a lightly familiar knot on the bottom of her stomach, she had felt it before when she had touched herself, but this one was much more prominent. Theo's head fell into the crook of her neck, his movements a little rougher than before. He lightly kissed her neck and let out a low moan when Yns hips jerked up meetings his stroke. Yn's walls tightened once again.

"Theo" she moaned, Theo felt as if be was in could 9 as he heard his name being said like that by her" Theo I'm gonna..."

"Ok, come for me sweet heart" he whispered into her neck.

His words had her come undone, she came wetting the sheets below then and him a bit. As she came with a moan that sounded in all the room, she jerked her hips up, sending Theo over the edge and cuming inside the condom with a moan and a grunt. Tightenig the grip he had around her waist.

The layd there panting the sun hitting Theo softly on his back which was healing from the few scatches that yn gave him.

Theo have yn a wet kiss on the neck" that was great" she murmured, receiving a humm of agreement from her boy." We have to do that again some other time"

"You never been righter" Theo said lifting his head from her neck and kissing her lips.

"Now I don't want to go to the preserve at all" yn said with a pout.

"How about I take you on a date after?" Theo suggested kissing her cheek.

"Its a deal"

Hi my beautiful readers!!! This is my first smut, and its funny how all the smut readers and writers are all virgins, including me 😂 I'm at leat a 99.0% percent sure of it. Anyway check my account for more stories and have a nice night/day. Love you guys!!

[jinnie-ret]

ep.1: meet the wives

ratings: fluff

warnings: small mentions of ADHD, cancer, death, body size, cheating

running time: 1.5k words

summary: the brides to be gather and meet each other for their hen party, before they get married.

SKZ MAFS EPISODE LIST

MAIN MASTERLIST

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

"Hi!!! I'm Aurora, but most people call me Rori, I'm 25 and I've been single for 2 years," Aurora grinned toothily at the camera as she introduced herself.

"I joined this experiment because I just want to meet someone who makes me feel safe, you know?" her tone has shifted to more of a sad one, but from the way she presented herself you could tell she was good at hiding that side of her.

"I've definitely had some experiences before that have changed who I was as a person, and it's not a nice feeling at all, it's dreadful," Aurora admitted, hinting at something else that must have affected her, eyes unable to look into the camera anymore, or even the person asking the questions to her.

"These past 2 years I think I've really grown as a person, like massive personal growth. I've managed to come out of that time where things were darker, and I just want a husband that will help me see the lighter times too."

"I moved to South Korea from the UK not too long after my previous relationship, and I now work as a nurse! It's a really rewarding job, long hours, but so rewarding. I think it's important my husband cares about hard work too, and yeah."

"Yeah, my family thinks I'm absolutely insane for joining this process, of course they do!" Dallas giggled and covered her mouth as she threw her head back, just imagining and remembering the looks her family gave her when she told them she was going on a show where she'd be marrying a stranger.

"Hi, I'm Dallas! I'm only 21, but, I had been in a relationship for 5 years. I think obviously I've changed since I was a kid, I'm a woman now, and I think now that I'm a woman I need a man," she shrugged her shoulders lightly with a small smile, almost becoming shy at admitting what she wanted in a husband.

"Someone who... is quite calm in their nature, I'd say. Sometimes my brain feels too busy, I do have ADHD and that can sometimes be quite overwhelming. So I think I want someone that'll calm me down but also accept who I am, yeah," she explained as the camera panned to her knee jolting up and down from ner seat.

"For my job I actually have my own little flower shop, and I don't think I'd rather be doing anything else. Some people say to me it must get boring but there's so many stories with the people I meet and why they want to buy their flowers and-" she cut herself off.

"I'm rambling, aren't I? To put it simply, yeah it's a small business, but I love it. I wouldn't have it any other way."

"Hi, I'm Sienna! I've never had a boyfriend before, so, yes, coming onto a show where I'm going to have a husband, it's, umm, how you say? Crazy, haha. Why am I here? Haha," Sienna's Polish accent came through as she spoke, adding some charm to her.

"I just think... The male figures in my life are very important to me. I remember the day I was told my father had cancer, that was the day I learnt he was going to die from it..." she bravely admitted, eyes welling up with tears. The screen showed her grabbing a tissue.

"Sorry can I have a moment?" she sniffled, holding her hand up to block the view of her getting upset.

"He always told me to think with my heart, and I think that's something that will stick with me forever. I know he won't be there the day I get married, but I've got a part of him with me always," she spoke gently of her father's warm advice.

"I think I can come across as quite closed off, I am training to be a lawyer, so I feel like I have to look at things quite unbiased, but with love... I'm not sure how it will go. I think I just want someone who will accept me for me, you know?"

"This is 100% the right place for me to be. I want love, I need it. I'm done living my lonely girl era. I mean that era was a whole year but let me tell you it was a long year," Octavia admitted as she sheepishly shrugged her shoulders.

"I've been in and out of relationships a lot, and they've never really matched me. It always left me thinking, maybe I was too much for them to handle?"

"I just want someone cheeky who will match my humour, that's a big thing for me. Someone who is ambitious too, yeah that's important for me as well," she nodded, describing her ideal type.

"I'm a model, I travel quite a lot for different shoots or campaigns so I hope that my husband is someone who could handle that, and cope with my busy lifestyle."

"Hi, I'm Valentina! I'll say it how it is, plain and simple like that. I work in sales, it's not the most interesting job I'll be honest, but it pays the bills, haha," she laughed, tossing her over her shoulder and giving a 'help me' look to the camera jokingly.

"I just live for the Fridays where me and my girls can go to the bar at the end of a long day and do a bit of karaoke. I have been told I have quite a good voice, not to brag," Valentina smirked.

"What do I want in a husband? I need someone who can handle my fieriness, someone who will accept me for me."

"I think people look at me a certain way, I'm not a prude, but I want my fairytale. My parents have been together for 40 years now, they're so important to me. My family is my world. So, as ambitious as it may sound, I want to have my fairytale in this experiment."

"Hi, I'm Tanaka! All I know is old people, fish, and the sea. You don't get a lot of people my age near the village I live," she introduced herself.

"I'm from Japan but live near the beach in Uljin! I'm looking for love, and I don't quite know what that will look like yet but I need something to fill the void," there was a pause as she spoke seriously, before she chuckled and leant back into her chair, "too deep?"

"I work at an aquarium, people come in with their kids, it's definitely something I want one day... Even if I can't carry them myself."

"I want my husband to understand me I think, which will be hard because I don't fully understand myself. But maybe they'll bring a different side out of me? Who knows haha... I'm looking forward to it."

"I'm Taniyah! I need a man that can handle a big girl-" Taniyah gave a cute look to the camera and looked it up and down as if she was flirting with whoever was watching. The camera quickly cut.

"Is that too much?" she giggled heartily, her hand habitually resting on her chest as she did so.

"Guys I've been with in the past... They've only wanted to get with me because they're curious of what it's like to be with someone plus size... They almost, how you say it? Fetish? They don't care about who I really am, deep down. And that's been a huge problem for me my whole dating life, it's really held me back."

"I work as a therapist, mainly with teens, and I go into schools and talk to them and just really help get down to the roots of their problems."

"I think I want someone who is caring and a good listener, because they're things I strive to be too, so yeah, I need a man that'll match my energy. Just wait til he sees me in full glam too, the boy won't be able to keep his hands off of me!" Taniyah cheered, clicking her fingers.

"Korea is very different to India let me tell you that," Ishani said in wonder, before adding on quietly with a small smile, "I like it."

"I came onto this show because the last time I was in a relationship I got cheated on, very badly, and I want someone who I can rely on all the time. I don't even have to know what they're doing, I just need a trustworthy person to be my husband, because then I won't have to worry."

"I do work as a vet, so I get to see animals quite a lot. It really is my dream job, I feel so lucky. I trust the animals more than men sometimes I can't lie. They're better listeners!" Ishani's eyes lit up as she spoke passionately of her job.

"I think what I also want out of the experiment is personal growth too. I've kept myself to myself for far too long, and I want someone to help bring things out of me I didn't know were there."

viewers: @skz-streamer @kiraisastay @hannahhbahng @kpopmenace143 @sakufilms @hanjiquokkaaa @arloo00 @dunno-wut-to-do @splat00z @cheesemonky @his-angell @turtledove824 @2minstan @royal-shinigami @jyu-037 @keen-li @strawberry31

[emotionallychargedtowel]

Desert Hearts rewatch notes

Desert Hearts (1985) is one of my favorite movies, but as with most of my favorites, I've gone quite a while without seeing it at times. I put it on the other day for the first time in years and took some screenshots in the hope that I might get some folks on here to give it a try that haven't, or at least bring back some memories for those who’ve seen it before. Then, when I sat down to post the images, I found I had more to say than I realized.

This was my first time watching this movie since I got into the whole BL/QL genre and I was curious to see if it would seem any different to me after a period of being more immersed in queer stories than usual. Mostly it swept me up into its own world, something this film is really good at. But I did find myself thinking at times about how aspects of it mapped onto QL tropes and more general romance tropes. I also couldn't help but see some parallels to the actual lived experiences of myself and people I know.

Queer romance tropes in Desert Hearts

Three tropes stood out at me that I've run into in the QL world, some of which I've seen in hetero romance settings as well.

Fish out of water - Vivian goes from her life as an academic in New York City to staying at a ranch outside Reno in pursuit of a "quick" divorce. (Having to spend six weeks in a strange place in order to get a divorce was "quick" by 1959 standards.) Helen Shaver, who played Vivian, points out in a featurette included with the Criterion version of the movie that Vivian has been living a very cerebral life, living inside her own head while cutting herself off from her body from the neck down. This radical change of scenery is exactly what she needs to be able to open up to something different.

There’s a similar dynamic at play in hetero fish-out-of-water romances. But I find this trope a lot more interesting in a queer context. Queer identities have a more complex relationship to difference. Among other things, characters who seem to be at home in the environment of the story often turn out to be alienated from it due to others’ perceptions of their sexuality.

Age gap (with the younger person pursuing) - Cay, who is ten years Vivian's junior, is definitely the pursuer here. This isn't a specifically queer trope per se, but it can manifest in some specific ways in queer love stories.

LGBTQ+ identity can put people on unusual timelines in their lives. (This is an idea I first ran into in a book by Jack Halberstam in undergrad.) Sometimes this means being in a more "youthful" mode later in life than cishet people. Other times it means being a particular kind of late bloomer. And so on. So with life stages not conforming to typical expectations, what does it mean to love someone you have a significant age difference with?

In the case of Vivian and Cay, Vivian may be older, but Cay is poised to initiate her into practices and feelings that are pretty familiar for Cay and totally, mind-blowingly new to Vivian. This creates a kind of role reversal. At the same time, Cay has never felt this way about a partner before, so in many ways, their relationship is causing her to have some new and intense experiences as well.

The thing where a character figures out their sexuality for the first time because their feelings toward a love interest act as a catalyst - This is certainly a trope that comes up in stories about queer romance, but it's more debatable whether it's a queer trope in the sense of a trope that is used by and resonates with queer people. I guess I'd say the theme comes up in different ways when a story is very geared toward the "straight gaze" and when it's more authentically queer. With the "straight gaze" version you get things like "gay for you." With more authentic versions, well, I don't think I've noticed many commonalities there. But I will always defend the use of this trope when it's done well in a way that centers queer experience, if only because falling for a specific person is exactly what forced me to come to terms with my own sexuality.

Side note: Speaking of coming to terms with my sexuality, it really is an indication of how deeply in denial I was about my bisexuality in college that seeing this movie for a class didn't help me figure it out. I was deeply affected by it and fixated on it for weeks after seeing it, but it didn't get through the thick shell of obliviousness I had built up around myself.

A connection to personal experience

There are quite a few ways that Desert Hearts resonates with my own experience but one really stood out to me this time around. [Spoilers ahead.] When Cay goes to see Vivian at the hotel where she’s staying after she leaves the ranch, she goes for a last-ditch, Hail Mary move—she takes off her clothes and climbs into Vivian’s bed. At first Vivian tells her to leave, but then she softens a bit, clearly interested but conflicted. Then this moment happens.

I related to this so much. When I fell in love with a someone who was (at that time) presenting as a woman and it started to look like I might actually have a chance, I had so much anxiety about whether and how I could be intimate with my crush and whether I’d be able to “perform” decently. It turns out, as we learned when we compared notes sometime later, we had each had the same worry and we’d both bought an instructional book about lesbian sex (I think it may even have been the exact same book!).

I think part of my anxiety back then stemmed from the prospect of starting from scratch with a new set of practices and skills after being acclimated to sex with men. It made me feel like I was off balance. But when I actually did get close to my crush, another, much more pleasant side to my inexperience came up. It turned out that not having a familiar script for what to do made me much more present and gave me a sense of freedom. I remember thinking that it was like going from traveling down the same old route to exploring a new place that we had to write our own maps for. And that was pretty exhilarating.

Soon after that relationship happened, I read Zami: A New Spelling of My Name by Audre Lorde. There was a passage where Lorde described something very similar from her own life. In this passage, she’s reflecting after her first sexual encounter with a woman after having a similar set of anxieties.

So this was what I had been so afraid of not doing properly. How ridiculous and far away those fears seemed now, as if loving were some task outside of myself, rather than simply reaching out and letting my own desire guide me. It was all so simple.

She’s so amazing at evoking these feelings, isn’t she?

I can’t think of any other places I’ve seen this type of experience discussed besides these two. (I’m pretty sure others exist, but the fact that I haven’t come across them suggests there aren’t very many.) There are plenty of stories out there about hetero sex performance anxiety and its eventual resolution, but I think the queer version of this kind of learning has some big inherent differences that go way beyond the genders of partners being different. So it’s really nice to see it come up here, and be handled in such a sweet way.

In case you’re wondering, once Vivian is able to “let her own desire guide her,” in Lorde’s words, she also finds that her fears were misplaced. The resulting love scene is beautifully executed even by current standards. It’s even more remarkable to see it in a film that was released in 1985. It’s equally remarkable that this sex scene was shown in rather explicit detail.

about, by, and/or for?

I'm also thinking about this movie in terms of the for/by/about queers typology that @wen-kexing-apologist came up with a while back. In my estimation, Desert Hearts belongs right in the center of WKA's Venn diagram. It's about queers, of course. I'd also place it in the "by queers" category. The director, Donna Deitch, who also co-wrote the screenplay, is an out lesbian. It's not clear whether the other co-screenwriter was queer. Her personal life was mysterious enough that it seems like a definite possibility. And the movie is based (somewhat loosely) on a novel by Jane Rule, who was also an out lesbian and whose work as a writer was very focused on lesbian characters.

I'd also consider this movie to be "for queers." It was marketed to a wider audience, of course. But as I watched some of the bonus material and looked at writing about the movie, I saw a lot of evidence that Deitch made the film for her community and they embraced it.

Shaver had a really lovely story in the featurette I watched about this. I forget the exact nature of it, but she described how she attended some kind of event with Deitch and Charbonneau where the audience was full of queer women who gave them an incredibly long standing ovation that she found very moving and helped her see how impactful the film had been.

I’m also sure Deitch had queer viewers in mind (at least in part) when she set out to fill a glaring gap in Sapphic representation. In an interview with AfterEllen, Deitch said, “My goal was to make a lesbian love story that did not end in a bisexual love triangle or a suicide. Because that’s all that had been made at the time I set out to make Desert Hearts.” (Note: I’m not linking due to transphobia concerns regarding that site but folks should be able to find it easily if they look.)

In summary…

If you haven’t seen Desert Hearts yet I really can’t recommend it highly enough.

(And yes, that’s Denise Crosby from Star Trek: The Next Generation sitting beside Jeffrey Tambor.)

[songoftrillium]

so I've been considering running a W5 game for some friends of mine who have been having a blast with our V5 campaign. We'd have to use a *severely long* list of houserules and lore to make it anything other than a massive trash fire of...well, everything that W5 is now. Unfortunately it's likely to be W5 instead of W20 due to the players bouncing off the x20 rules HARD. Any suggestions as to what gaping holes I should focus on first, rules-and-lore-wise?

I apologize for this essay of a response. In terms of the major mechanics holes to focus on, a friend of mine, Kaidan, was a game playtester that ran a number of games at Gencon, and has done the emotional labor of reading through the entire W5 corebook and identifying ways to make the game playable. For house rules, I'd start there.

The rest of this post is LONG, so buckle up and get a drink before reading on under the cut.

Regarding Gaia's Howl, which isn't addressed in the book, I'd look to the Mind's Eye Theater: Werewolf: the Apocalypse, the last corebook in OWoD that furthers the world metaplot. I believe the mark that was missed in a big way in w5 was that the Age of Apocalypse in that book more or less encompasses exactly what they were trying to achieve in terms of the worldwide destruction of caerns, the death of many old canon NPCs, and the Last Words of Gaia, which was a prophecy laid out by King Albrecht in his final moments of life while destroying the Storm Eater:

“Hope is not sundered; wake me, and a new age of harmony shall begin.”

Nuff said there. You shouldn't really need this corebook to play, but if you can find any information on the Age of Apocalypse online, I recommend using that as your kickoff point to explain how we got here.

Now, on to lore.

As the Storyteller, there are few ways around it; you'll have to read some old materials to construct your own chronicle. A little-known piece of information is that no one edition of Legacy Werewolf was ever meant to supersede the other. All the editions contain uniquely valuable information and were meant to build upon each other, requiring a holistic approach to the old materials: take what matters and use it.

I don't blame your players for balking at the old materials. The first editor that volunteered to help with my big project had never picked up a WoD book in xis life, and when he signed up I asked xim to read enough of the W20 corebook to grasp how to make a character. After struggling with the material for a week, they returned and said, "I'll be honest. That's almost a hundred pages. I'm not reading all that." And I don't blame them. And I don't know if you noticed, but W20 also includes no tools for Storytellers to construct game chronicles. Indeed, no 20th-anniversary edition book across all the splats really does. Since the writing team at PDX didn't use any book other than x20 to construct W5, that only further deepened the reality that Storytellers have been completely forgotten. All Meat, no Potatoes. For all the good content W20 includes, a broad number of items would be decidedly unfair to force players to wade through if you wanted to, and there's also so much of it. If you have yet to notice, the old books have laughably useless indexes, so researching and knowing which books to research to create a good game is incredibly complicated. So, you're right that your players shouldn't have to read any of the old stuff, and you shouldn't necessarily have to run a legacy game to provide a game of meaning.

Now, on to the stuff, you, the Storyteller, need to put together a bombastic chronicle. I have a bibliography of books across multiple editions that really get to the heart of the deepest lore and covers the full width and breadth of what the game has to offer. You don't need to read all these books, but having them gives you all the reference material to have a top-down overview of lore you can pull into your game world that you see fit.

Werewolf: the Apocalypse Storytellers Handbook (1994)This edition was published during a time when White Wolf was still establishing what the World of Darkness represented. It was drafted during 1st edition and came out shortly after the 2nd edition core rulebook came out, making it a hybrid that shares stats between both editions, including renown conversion guidelines between 1st and 2nd editions. You’ll find three essays and a section from it reprinted in this very book, but even those are just a fraction of the value this book offers Storytellers. Beyond what I carry over here, this book includes expanded Garou culture, setting, and enemies, dedicated sections on kinfolk and kami,  and a dedicated chapter on making talismans (fetishes). It even includes a dedicated section for 1st edition to 2nd edition renown conversion and a chapter dedicated to building a custom chronicle suited to your tabletop! Definite must-have and must-read.

Werewolf: The Apocalypse Storytellers Vault Style Guide (2018)Beyond a collection of well-written tales, this book includes a chapter devoted entirely to metaplot. In that way, this section serves as a roadmap towards getting a good feel on which books across which edition may best serve you. It breaks down three different approaches to Metaplot (Passive, Reactive, and Proactive), the pathos driving each edition, and following those threads, one can more easily find which books and editions are best suited to each purpose and tailor their own Storytelling library to best suit their style accordingly.

A World of Rage (2000)

This book is indispensable for learning about the world at large where the game is set. It covers every region published and really cuts out the fat in terms of delivering setting information and systems just about anywhere you’d like to set your game.

Players Guide to Garou (2003)This one’s a home run for any table. Expanded tribe societies and unique gifts? Check. Merits and flaws and expanded fetishes? Check. MOOT MECHANICS? That’s right, check. Moots are the lifeblood of Garou society, and there are structures for this! If you ever wondered what the typical phases of a moot look like, what roles different auspices play, and what your pack of players may be doing during any given time, it’s all laid out here in plain words. Even the Ragabash has (arguably the best) role to play during these events.

Guardians of the Caerns (2000)Ever wondered what exactly werewolves do all day? Wonder no longer. Guardians of the Caerns is the sourcebook of septs and caerns, detailing the sacred places and the Garou communities that guard them. It contains information on sept offices, tribal septs, caern logistics, defensive tactics--even an in-depth look at those who must grow up strictly as Garou, the crinos-born. This is the book for anyone who wants to understand what they're fighting for. 

Book of the Wyrm (1st Edition, 1993)While acknowledging the latest edition of this book, this gives a lot more specific insight into the ins-and-outs of the Urge Wyrms and Maejlin Incarna, who have taken a faceless investment in this chronicle. Understanding the ubiquity of their influence helps to understand not just these entities themselves but also their hierarchies, as they are mirrored across each of the many heads of the Wyrm.

Book of the Wyld (2001)It includes information on the naming of spirits, stats on the Nameless, information on caern abscession, and the not-so-subtle recommendation to write a chronicle surrounding the final days of an ancient caern. It offers insights into this not-understood aspect of the Triat, including many that aren’t in print in the 20th Anniversary Edition. Some enemies come from the woods, after all.

Rage Across the Heavens (1999)

Meet the Gaian Pantheon, all the celestial incarnae to be found across the Tellurian may be found across this book, including unique powers associated with them. This also includes a chronicle encompassing the emergence of the red star Anthelios, believed to be a portent of the end times.

Hearthbound (2023)

That's right, ya girl wrote a cross-edition book this year, and I highly recommend it! This is a good answer for players looking for a drop-in solution to confront the systemic issues in the lore directly in-game. The problematic features of the Garou nation were always meant to be confronted by the tabletop, and this sourcebook offers a turnkey approach to doing just that. It details many of those issues up-front and lays bare many of the not-so-pleasant aspects of the Garou Nation in plain English, including several story seeds on how to work this new tribe into any chronicle.

Lastly, on language and tabletop terminology. It's best to treat U****a and W*****o as tribes separate from the Galestalkers and Ghost Council. They are different enough that you can't easily move the names over and call them such. That said, they are named after things considered extremely inappropriate to use in a tabletop setting, so I recommend presenting them using two Conlang terms I constructed for my games. For U****a I recommend Hapil, and to rename their patron to The River Serpent. For W*****o, I recommend Kalaril, and to rename their patron to Old Windtooth.

Lastly, if you'd like to know how to scare the piss out of your players' characters, I wrote an essay on how to do just that. Good luck!

[aita-blorbos]

AITA for never coming home or writing letters?

Why, hello everyone. So, I am not usually the type to talk about stuff like this, so please bear with me if this isn't as coherent or easy to read as other posts here. It's just that after a younger friend of mine told me about this forum I got interested. Y'know, went some pent of feelings, get some outside perspectives… Might be nice.

So, I (M, late teens) don't live with my family. In fact, I haven't been for years. When I was in middle-school I had a, let's call it, 'revelation' that I just didn't feel happy at home. See, I don't wanna brag, but I've always had a certain talent for sorcery, and my parents did value that. Just… Not in a way I felt comfortable with, I suppose. Thinking back, the attention and expectations they placed on me felt suffocating. I was expected to invest a lot of my time into studying the family craft, specifically dark magic, which never really was my "thing" to begin with. And when they didn't have me study, they would have me fight exhibition duels against the heirs of other clans as a show of power. For a while, it felt like I had no control over my life whatsoever. I tried to lock myself in the manor's kitchen or run off into the woods to relief some stress by baking or feeding the forest animals, but… doing that would always net me severe scolding punishment. I'd rather not go deeply into that part.

I suppose one day I just couldn't take it anymore. I took the advice of a child even younger than I was and left the manor, traveling the continent with nothing but the clothes on my back until I managed to get myself enrolled in a magic academy far away from my family home. And, I'll be honest, I never really regretted doing so. Ever since that day, I've felt so much more in control of my own life, so much more alive than I ever did when I lived under my parents' roof. I've been able to make a name for myself using my magic the way I want to and specializing in the things I like, and I feel I've really done well for myself. In all honesty,nothing I've done would bring my clan name into disrepute, quite the opposite, actually! But… I wouldn't know how my parents think about that.

I haven't been in contact with them since I've left. Not even once. I've thought of sending letters, but I wouldn't know what to write. After all, even know that I'm fairly well-known as a sorcerer in my own right, I still have no intentions of inheriting the family estate or carrying on the legacy of dark magic our clan is known for. So if I tried to contact them, what would they do? Would they ignore my letters? Would they reply with anger? Would they send an envoy to attempt to retrieve me and bring me back? Frankly, I'm scared. I could probably fight any hired sorcerers they send my way off easily enough, but… That's not what I want. I don't want to go back. There's nothing I want to do less than go back to the way things used to be before.

I guess what I'm trying to say is… I never meant to cause my family grief. But lately, I can't help but wonder if that is what I'm doing. I was the only heir, after all. I am happy with the path I've chosen in life, and I'm convinced it's what I needed to do for my own sake. But I also find myself wishing I could share the happiness I've found away from them with the people I had to leave behind… And I hate the thought that they might be hurt because of me. And sometimes I wonder if I'm not a little at fault for how things turned out after all, in a way.

So… What do you people think? Please, don't hold back. I expect your honest feedback.

~L.

[leonenjoyer69]

I present, from my new Lanyon drinks the potion AU (working on the name), Robert Lanyon and his HJ7 Alter ego!

Taking pictures of colored pencil drawings is the bane of my existence, bc lighting is so annoying.

Anyways!!! I've settled on the first name Elias, bc I feel like Henry would help name him and Elias is a letter off from Alias (which means a fake/pen name), so I thought that'd be funny :3 still working on the last name tho.

Yes, that is Hyde's vest that Elias is wearing. Henry gave it to him on his first night alive after clearing everything up with him and Robert about what just happened to him. Since he's near Hyde's size, Jekyll decided that he needed some clothes, at least temporarily, but Elias refuses to give it back now, despite having his own clothes. Why? Because Henry gave it to him, and he loves Henry so much. it's also Hyde's vest, who's part of Henry, so by proxy he's gotta love him too, right? How could he hate any part of Henry?

Unlike Hyde, Elias isn't some self-proclaimed evil incarnate. He's very easy to read emotionally and is very honest to everyone around him. He's very open about his feelings, which are generally very quick to change, especially towards those he cares most about (*cough* JekyllandHyde *cough*-) and he strives for praise. He likes accomplishing things and has more of a liking for "sciency stuff", he also recalls most of the doctor things that Lanyon learned from university and isn't deterred by gross things and blood. He shares hyde's wanderlust and will run around town with him, though Elias prefers parks and nature over the slums of London, and he also enjoys the rooftops.

Timeline wise, Lanyon accidentally drinks the potion after all the blackfog and queen Lucy stuff, when they "kidnap" Hyde. Specifically, it happens right before Jekyll dumps all the HJ7 down the drain- like, right before. Lanyon kinda interrupts him doing that. Henry reenters the room in the middle of Lanyon's transformation, so he's there when Elias kinda "wakes up".

Anyways, please please PLEASE ask me questions about him, I'd love to answer them :3 also, I'm currently working on a fic for this!! The first chapter is almost done I think, I just need time to actually sit down and write.

Also jejvkekkvke character design is SO HARD, shout out to people who do it all the time. Also apologies if the skin looks off in any way, I've never really used colored pencils to color any characters, much less any colored characters, so I kinda had to figure it out as I went lmao.

[catoslvt]

Ethan Landry x Reader

Dewey and Gales daughter.

Afterscream 6, he wasn't ghostface.

Woodsboro isn't far away from New York.

You're both 21 here 🫶

"Ethan?" I quietly say as I look up at him, my voice almost a whisper as I'm not sure if he's sleeping.

"Hmm?" He responds.

"Did I wake you?" I ask him and he looks down at me and shakes his head.

"I've been up for a few minutes." He answers as he presses a kiss to my head.

I smile at him before gulping slightly, I've wanted to ask him for a while to visit the my dads grave but I never did ask, I think it sounds absurd for my boyfriend to visit my dead dad.

"Would you like to visit my dad's grave with me? I normally go to his grave every month and place new photos and flowers. If you think it's weird, then it's okay. I understand, but I just thought I should ask." I cautiously ask, and ethan smiles widely at me.

"Y/n, it's not weird. I think it's cute what you do for your dad, I'd love to come." He answers and I smile and pull myself closer to him.

"We don't even need to be there for long. It's just so I can give him the flowers and photos, oh and also give my aunt tatum her flowers." I tell him and he shakes his head.

"We can spend as long as we want there, I know how close you two were, especially after the divorce, so if you want, we could take some picnic stuff." He offers and I quickly sit up and stare at him, my eyes watering with happiness.

"Are you sure? Because right in front of his grave, they built a bench for him because he helped stop the murders for so long but you don't need to come just because you feel bad." I quickly tell him, the happiness almost radiating off of me.

"Y/n! I'm one hundred per cent sure I want to come." Ethan says before he sits up and carefully cups my face before kissing me.

Minutes later, I'm running into the kitchen where my mom stares at me confused.

"What's got you in such a good mood?" She quizzes and I jump around the kitchen, almost crashing into ethan when he walks up to us.

"Ethan is coming to see dad with me." I exclaim happily, and my moms face quickly turns into a smile.

"Is that okay if I go today? We're gonna take the train to Woodsboro, and we're also gonna pack a picnic to eat at dad's bench." I tell her happily, and she pulls both ethan and I into a tight hug.

"Of course it's okay. He's your dad, y/n." My mom says, and I look at ethan once my mom lets go of us.

"I'm gonna go get changed whilst you eat breakfast, then once I'm done you can get changed and I'll pack stuff for breakfast." I tell him and he smiles and nods.

"You're eating breakfast too though." He quickly says before I can walk off.

When I get into my room, I close the door, and as I begin to walk to my chest of drawers, I hear my mom talk to ethan, so I hurriedly rush back to the door to hear.

"Ethan, I just want to thank you for agreeing to go to her dad's grave with her. Every month since he was killed, she's gone and placed flowers for him. She's always done it for her aunt tatum, although she never knew her. She asked Tara to go to her dad's grave multiple times, but Tara always said no, and I thought that was disgusting because dewey died saving Tara, the last thing she could've done was gone once. I don't mean to talk bad about her friends but I can't help it." I hear my mom say and then I hear ethan let out a small laugh.

"I just want to be there for her, I know they were extremely close. Whoever y/n loves, I love." Ethan tells her, and I hear my mom sniff, almost like she's crying.

"You make her really happy, since we moved here you were all she spoke about, it was always 'Mom I love ethan so much!' Honestly, I was getting a little sick of hearing about her crush on you, so the day you asked her out, I almost drove to your dorm to thank you myself. When her dad died, she completely changed. She never smiled and kept to herself, but you got her out her shell, and im so glad she found a boyfriend like you. Her dad would've loved you, ethan, and I'm so glad that one day I'll be able to call you my stepson." I hear my mom cry as her sobs suddenly get hushed by ethan talking again.

"I love your daughter and you so much, and I'm sure I would've loved her dad." He says, and when I feel tears threaten to spill, I decide that that's maybe the chance where I should stop eavesdropping and get changed.

When I walk out of my room, I see my mom stuffing some stuff into a backpack.

"Sorry, I know you're not good at packing picnics, so I did it myself, I also put in the photos for your dad, and I've sat out some money so you can buy him some flowers." My mom tells me and I shake my head.

"Mom, it's okay, I can buy them with my own money." I tell her laughing as ethan walks into my room to change. He's got his own little chest of drawers that my mom bought him for my room, I used to think my mom would never have let me have a boy stay over but she trusts ethan and I enough to not do anything in my room whilst she's home atleast.

"Y/n, please. It's my treat for you." My mom begs, and I let out a sigh.

"Okay, fine." I tell her as I go into the cupboard and pull out a breakfast bar.

"Did ethan eat?" I ask her and she nods.

"Yeah, he had one of those, too." She tells me as she motions to the wrapper on the top of the bin.

"Good." I quietly say.

As I walk into the large Walmart, I make my way to the flower section where I stare at all the flowers.

"What flowers do you normally get him?" Ethan asks as he stares between me and the flowers.

"Sunflowers for my dad, because when I was a little girl, We once planted one in our back garden, and it grew taller than me, and then he'd always call me his little sunflower. It sounds stupid, but they've always been my favourite flower since then, so I'd like to think they're his too." I tell him with a small smile on my face before I bend down and pick one of the nicest looking sunflowers bouquets.

But my face turns into confusion when I see ethan bend down and pick up one of them before he picks up a bunch of the most beautiful red roses I've ever seen.

"Eth, I already have some." I say as I stare at him confused.

"I want to get him a bunch of flowers too, for raising the most perfect girl." He tells me with a cheesy grin on his face.

I smile widely at him before my eyes fall on the roses.

"What about those?" I quiz and he quickly gulps, almost as if he isn't sure himself.

"Your mom wanted me to get him some flowers from her." He tells me, and I nod before I begin to look at the range of flowers for my aunt tatum.

"I don't know what flowers to get her, I always struggle trying to think." I sigh, and ethan looks around.

"What about some lilys? They're really pretty." He tells me, and I follow his eyes and gasp when I see the bouquet of lilys he's staring at.

"They're perfect!" I exclaim as I bend down and pick them up.

As I approach both my dad and aunts grave, Gran begged for him to be able to get buried next to Aunt tatum.

"Your dad's grave is so nice." Ethan gasps and I nod.

"You might think im insane for talking to his grave in a minute, but sometimes it's like he's actually there listening, so I can't help it." I quietly tell him and he just looks at me and smiles.

"Y/n, he's your dad. You can do whatever you want at his grave, I won't judge." Ethan promises before I quicken my pace and run to infront of my dad's headstone.

Here lies: Dwight Jessica Riley, more commonly known as Dwight by his peers, he was a loving dad, son, and brother. He was loved by everyone and was a true Woodsboro hero to all of us.

I smile and crouch so I can gently touch the small photo of him with the tips of my fingers.

"Hi dad, I can't believe it's been a month already." I say as I smile widely, so he doesn't see me upset before ethan crouches beside me.

"Hi Mr riley." He quietly says, and I begin blushing.

"Dad, this is ethan, my boyfriend." I say smiling before I press a kiss onto my fingertips before pressing it onto the cheek of his photo.

"I brought you your flowers and photos like always." I then go onto say as I place a bunch of Sunflowers at his grave before opening the bag on ethans back and pulling out the pile of photos my mom printed out for today, and when i see it I let out a small gasp,

It's a photo of my dad and I with our sunflower.

I set all the photos out nicely before I walked to my aunt tatums grave and sat the flowers at it before walking to the bench that was made in my dad's honour directly infront of his grave, so I can see ethan staring at all the photos.

"I also got you some flowers, Mr. riley. I hope you like them. I heard you were a really good man, and i hope you like me enough to be able to continue dating your daughter." Ethan says before he places the flowers next to mine before he walks to the bench and sits with me, and I notice he still has the roses.

"Y/n, what's that?" Ethan asks as he points over towards a tree, the opposite direction of him, and out of curiosity, I turn and look, and after a minute of staring, I turn to face him on the bench.

"I don't see anything." I say laughing before I realise ethan isn't on the bench anymore, he's on the ground down on one knee.

"What're you doing? Get up." I tell him as I smile.

"I know this probably isn't the most romantic place to do this, but I knew you'd want your dad to see." Ethan begins as he hands me the roses and I tilt my head to him, extremely confused on what he's doing on the ground.

"My dad to see what?" I quiz and ethan just lets out a small laugh at how clueless I am.

"I knew since the moment I met you, that you're the girl I wanted, you're the girl I wanted to marry, so when you were sat next to me in English I was so happy, I felt blessed. And when you first spoke to me, I was even happier, every happy memory I have has been with you, has been with our friends, has been with you and your mom, when I say I love you y/n, I mean I love you. And not just like, a replaceable love, I could never replace what I have with you." He begins as he grabs my hands, and I look down at him and nod. He's clearly nervous, but I'm now starting to understand what he's doing.

"You don't need to be nervous." I tell him with a small laugh, and he nods and gulps slightly.

"I am so grateful to have you in my life y/n." He continues, and I nod again before he releases my hands and pulls out a small box, and he lets out a nervous laugh.

"So, uhm, what I'm trying to say is will you marry me? I've wanted to ask you for around a month now, and i knew here would be the perfect spot, so i waited until you asked me to come visit your dad with you." He asks, and my eyes widen as I stare down at him, before I grab his face and kiss him repeatedly, and I don't stop till I'm running out of air.

"Yes! Is that even a question!" I scream before I kiss him again, and he kisses back before he grabs my left hand and slides the ring onto my ring finger, and I sit and turn bright red at the sight.

The ring is beautiful, and on each side of the diamond, there's small engravings of Sunflowers.

"Your mom told me about the Sunflowers when I asked her if it was okay if I could propose." Ethan tells me when he moves back up on the bench.

"I can't believe you waited, so you could propose infront of my dad." I say as I begin to bawl.

[final-girl96]

My Boyfriend's Back Chapter Fifteen

Six Months Later

It's been six months since everything happened. We had a funeral for Tatum, Dewey and Randy had to have surgery, Dewey was more serious though. Mr. Loomis had Billy cremated, nobody wanted to show up for that funeral so it was just a quick put him in the ground. Mrs. Loomis never showed up. Her deranged son was dead and she couldn't even show up to help bury him. No wonder he was so fucked in the head.

Six months since Sheriff Burke told us that Stu wasn't in the house and had escaped. They searched for him for weeks and found nothing. I was fucking paranoid that he was going to come back for me. Tonight was the first night I've been home by myself. I was in my room working on a song when I heard something outside. I hesitantly got up off the chair at my desk and walked to the window. My blinds and curtains were open but I've learned how to lock the windows.

I walked over and looked outside. The sun was starting to go down casting an orange huel over the sky. I didn't see anything or anyone then the sound of the phone had me jumping and spinning around. I walked back over to the desk and picked it up. "Hello?" Silence. That's all that there was. "Hello?" My pulse picked up when there was still nothing but silence. I hung the phone up and then quickly closed the blinds and curtains,double checking that the windows were locked.

Then I made my way through the whole house to make sure every window and door was locked. I checked all and any closet…after I grabbed a knife from the kitchen… before I checked anything. I ran back to my room and locked myself in there and just waited for someone to come home. I tried to focus back on writing my song but the thought that Stu could be watching me wouldn't leave.

I must have fallen asleep because I woke up to a knock on my door. "Yn? Hey, you okay?" I rolled to the side of the bed and stood up, walking to unlock the door. "Hey, what time is it?" Sidney walked into my room. "Like ten. I tried to call to tell you the movie was running later than I thought but the pay phone I used wasn't working." That eased some of my anxiety. "That was you who called?" I asked. "Yeah. Is everything okay?"

I nodded and hummed. "Yeah. No, everything is fine." She gave me a skeptical look. "Then why were you sleeping with a knife?" I looked over to my bed and shrugged, "I heard something outside. And then I got a phone call but no one answered, but I know now that you're the one who called." She sighed, "he's gone, yn. Stu is gone and he's not going to come back. He would be stupid to do that. They're still looking for him."

"You think I'm crazy. Don't you! You think I'm just hearing shit and overthinking everything. But your ex-boyfriend is DEAD! He's not out there somewhere. He is going to come back, Sidney. He's going to come back and he's going to come after me! He won't stay away. You can think I'm crazy all you want and go on with your happy little life. Get out of my room!" She sighed and walked out, slamming the door on her way.

The next day I headed over to Stu's house. I don't know why. I guess I just needed closer or something. I also wanted to get my stuff. His parents have apologized profusely to not just me but the whole town on what they're son had done. I talked to his mom the other day when I ran into her in town. She had mentioned she and Mr. Macher was talking about selling the house. She asked if I'd like to come over and go through Stu's room. I said yes and maybe it is for closer and to get my stuff. And maybe it also has to do with those fucking polirads he took of us…of me.

When I pulled up in front of the house it all came back. Running from Stu, finding Tatum, all of it. Mr and Mrs. Macher wasn't home, which isn't even a surprise. I got out of the car and headed for the front door. I unlocked the door since I still had the key. Which made me think about the key to my house he had and that only set panic inside of me. I had to try and find that too. When I walked and closed the door I looked around.

The table that used to be in the foyer was now gone, the blood that had been on the floor where Randy laid after Billy shot him was gone, no stain left behind. His parents did a good job at hiring the right people to clean everything up after the police were finished with it. Then I walked into the kitchen. It was like nothing ever happened here. The message that was on the whiteboard was now erased and would be a forgotten memory. I walked towards the garage expected to see the little cat door still there but that was gone too.

His parents made sure it was like nothing ever happened. There was new furniture in the living room. The red couch and chair… gone like everything else. The spot where Billy was after Sidney shot him in the head was spotless. You wouldn't even know that someone laid there dead with a bullet between the eyes. Not unless you were there when and after it happened. I stopped and stared at the spot where I last saw Stu. He had been there. He laid there not breathing or at least that's what I thought.

I cried because I thought he was dead. I hated him for what he had done. For what he had put me through. For helping Billy and for being so easily talked into shit. But I was still in love with him and seeing him like that broke me more than him trying to kill me. I took a deep breath and headed down the hall back to the stairs. Wonder if they found those creep fucing dolls. Especially the ones that were displayed in a similar way Casey and Steve were found. When I got to his room I paused before walking in and looking around, then I just sat on the edge of the bed and cried.