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foone · 2 years

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Concept: fursonas with non-human senses. Not just canine "can smell better" ("My fursona has no nose." "How does she smell?" "Terrible!"), but actually different senses. (Under a readmore because big surprise, I write a lot)

Sharks who walk into a dark room and go "hey guys!" to the people about to shout "surprise!". Electroreception, yo. They can feel the electric fields in bodies. They have a good job as an electrician, because they can tell which wires are active and which aren't, without needing a tester. One of the guests is a snake who says "I told you this wouldn't work", as they can see in the dark through thermoception.

Corvids who don't watch human movies, especially not in theaters. They're just flickery slide-shows to them. Their vision is too fast, persistence of vision doesn't kick in until like 200 FPS.

I know the mantis shrimp colors aren't real (it's actually just a thing where they have extra cones to make up for not having enough brain to merge them. Like, humans have red/green/blue cones, and we see "yellow" when the red and green cones are both activated, but shrimp can't do that merging. So they have a yellow cone) but fuck it, this is fantasy. Make your fursona have access to all the forbidden colors.

Hell, have them able to see outside the "visible" spectrum! Imagine a furry working at a human-majority office who gets pulled into a meeting with her manager one day, who has to tell her that even if she's covered in fur, she can't wear a top that revealing, they have a dress code. She goes "what? But.. Sally in accounting wears that semi-transparent blouse most weeks!" and then they both come to realize that humans can't see near-IR and therefore don't realize that a lot of their clothing choices are transparent to that wavelength. The furry has just been seeing all these exposed chests and going "wow, I had heard the humans could be prudes about nudity, what with not having fur, but apparently not." and decided to join in one day. Whoops.

Hell, let them see radiation! Who needs a giger counter? They're digging through an junk shop and WHOA, shouldn't this be in the back or in a safe or something? The owner (a Shetland sheep dog) is like "what do you mean?" and they go "it's pretty radioactive, man! Can't you tell?" "uhh.. No. Why don't you put that down quickly and I'll go grab a lead bucket."

An octopus that goes to see a 3D movie but turns down the glasses. No need. They can see circularly polarized light just fine on their own.

You go over to visit a bat's warehouse to get an old computer they offered to loan you and they sheepishly (is that offensive to sheep?) admit that they never bothered installing any lighting inside. Why would they? They can see fine with echolocation. And their friend Skippy never complained, either! Mind you, they are a dolphin.

A park ranger who is a jewel beetle. They can detect fires miles away, but only if pine trees are involved. They're a firefighter in a pine tree forest, so that's fine.

A bee who keeps giving directions in terms of cardinal directions and forgetting that not everyone has an innate sense of North/South thanks to being able to sense the magnetic field of the Earth. And this is after they went to all the trouble of giving the directions in words, instead of dancing!

Tangent idea: a bee pirate who writes a pop song, and it's not until another bee hears it years later that they realize that the dance instructions in the song are actually a treasure map.

Creatures who can sense RF directly. Some of them can't even get near human-style cities, as they're "too noisy". It takes the more mundane inhabitants a while to realize they aren't talking about sound, and earplugs won't help.

Others can pull off amazing mental tricks like the Scramblers from Peter Watts' Blindsight, and the first time they get near a human city they figure out how to decode all these FM signals and within minutes they can watch TV, listen to the radio, or log onto the wifi. They're not robots or cyborgs, they're just unholy smart and frighteningly fast.

And there's no reason it should be limited to natural things... The supernatural is there as well. A furry who mentions they hate going to some human cities because they're so crowded with ancestors. It's not for a while until someone realizes that word isn't being translated exactly right, and they don't just mean "old humans". They mean the ones who lived there before, but are dead. They still see them, and are surprised that the humans can't.

Hell, how about a fursona with an asymmetric design? Different fur patterns, heterochromia, things like that. But it swaps sides from time to time. It's not an art mistake, they really do that. No one understands why until they casually point out a missing item is in the drawer of there, the locked one. Then they reach around all six sides of the drawer and pull it out. What, you can't see in four dimensions? Yeah, sometimes their body swaps left/right because they rotated through the 4th axis and inverted their body. No big deal, but they have to be careful with what food they eat sometimes. All those chiral molecules... You don't want them backwards. Fortunately they've got a pretty strong digestive system so it's not a big deal. And vodka always goes down smooth, alcohol is symmetric!

Speaking of which, fursonas with vulture-like digestive systems. They yell at their roommate for throwing out that expired meat. It's only expired by human standards, and they're just a bunch of wimps who can't handle a little putrefaction in their lunch.

And I know I said "not like canines with just better senses of smell" but there's some interesting options for having beings who can smell things humans just can't. A fursona that detects a gas leak because they can smell carbon monoxide, not just the bitterants added to help humans detect it. Or can pick up on human pheromones, although that one is often covered in werewolf media, I hear. But instead of just arousal/fertility/pregnancy, they can also be like "hey you smell different... Have you talked to your doctor about testing for diabetes? I think your a1c might be high."

Speaking of pheromones, how about fursonas that do things like ants, who automatically put down invisible scent trails and follow them? They are a pain to go hiking with, since they just assume you can follow them if they get out of sight, and you gotta remind them to slow down sometimes.

Hell, fursonas who have quorum sensing, either type. The bacteria-like type have gene expression that changes based on population density. Members of their species in the wild, in rural areas, and in urban areas have radically different phenotypes. The social insect type make decisions with an implicit silent democracy, bordering on a hive mind. They are always surprised when humans and similar want to talk out decisions. Can't they just tell what the majority want and just do that? It seems so much similar.

Speaking of which, ACTUAL HIVE MINDS. You're dating a nice worker bee and and another member of the same hive comes by and says "hello love!" and gives you a big kiss. Your partner is surprised you had any problem with this. They're the same person, basically? And they feel their love for you just as much. (obligatory A Miracle of Science reference: Mars thinks you're cute)

Combine that with insect-like lifespans for some extra weirdness: the one you're dating isn't even the one you started with. The bee-people only live a month or two, and you've been dating for nearly a year now. Hell, even when your first partner was still alive, it wasn't always the "same" bee that came by to visit. Of course, that's putting a human-like kind of perspective on if it's the same bee. To the hive-mind bees, it is. It's the same hive. They have the same mind, just in 70,000 separate bodies. So of course it's the same person. Just not the same body.

Heh. How about magnetic sense? This may be overly specific to my interests, but you hand a furry a floppy disk and they hold it for a few seconds and then hand it back. "Thanks!" "oh, don't you want it?" "oh yeah. But I already got all the data off it." "but... You didn't put it in a floppy drive?" "no? What's the point in that? I just read the flux transitions off the surface. It's not hard."

More esoteric senses, too. You're driving down California one with your partner, listing to some Decemberists and they idly go "huh, Diablo Canyon is still running? I thought they had shut it down!" You're like "what?" They point out the window at the two cooling domes. "The power plant! It's still running. Can't you taste all those neutrinos?" "uh, no." "what, really? They're quite fresh compared to the usual solar ones." "I can't 'taste' those either" "oh. Weird!"

Your plasma-lifeform boyfriend who evolved in space sometimes has dizzy spells where he nearly drives his containment vessel into a wall. "sorry, that was a big one. Those gravity waves must have been from, like, an 80-90 solar-mass black hole merger? A close one too, only a few dozen megaparsecs."

You've long since given up explaining that you have no way of detecting events that take place over 30 million light-years away.

The atemporal energy being who proposes the first time you meet. You're shocked, but they point out why? You have/are/will spent/spending (tenses are hard) over 60 years of your experience of years with them. They just don't really see how this time is different from all the times you have/will spend together. They thought humans liked this "till death do us part" ceremony, even though death has no meaning for them. They're not immortal, but their death is just like their birth (or the energy being equivalent): a discontinuity on the edges of their lifeline. They don't exist past there, just like you don't exist outside of the 3D volume of your body. So what does it matter? Besides, we've had this conversation before, or is it later? Either way.

A hive mind being who only has one body you can see, because they're actually a hive mind across themselves in different timelines. They sometimes get mixed up which version of you they're talking to, and ask odd questions like how your son is doing in college. You don't have son, or any kids for that matter. "whoops, that's the other you. Lemme... You're married to Tony, right?" "Who's Tony?" "Obviously not. Uhh, is Sarah your girlfriend?" "no? I'm not a lesbian!" "Not this you, at least. Oh, I've got it. You work at the newspaper?" "yeah. I'm an editor" "oh cool. Got it. Sorry, it's easy to get all the yous confused sometimes."

Later that week, your boss introduces you to a new reporter, Sarah Torres. You can't help but wonder of this is the Sarah another you is dating. You don't see it. But apparently another you does.

And that tangent makes me think of another one: mind reading, either full or just empathic, isn't that unusual in aliens and such, but imagine a race that doesn't go around reading minds unless given permission, but they have a persistent problem with pronouns. See, they can just tell what your gender is. And closeted trans people keep getting outed accidentally. Sometimes outed to themselves, because they call you by your "true" pronouns, not the ones you're using now.

And the same goes for orientation. Like your coworker will be like "why don't you ask out Steven on a date?" and you're like "Steven? I don't even know if he likes guys, I've never gotten any hints from him..." and they go "what? No, of course he does. Can't you tell?"

(I just invented a species with perfect gaydar. That's weird, right?)

Someone who has that ESP "there were strong emotions and events here" sense, but it goes both ways. They would never visit Hiroshima for the same reason they will never visit Chicago. They don't want to explain to you what will happen there, but they go a bit teary-eyed when you bring it up.

A species that magic tricks just don't work on, and no one can figure out why. They can't see through solid objects, they don't seem to have a super-fast vision, they can't read minds, but everytime you show them a magic trick they're like "the ball is in your hand" or "you have a fifth ace in your sleeve" or "there's another rabbit under the table". They don't even seem to realize it's supposed to be a trick. They're just slightly confused at what you're trying to do.

A species that has the equivalent of a spectroscope/chromatograph built into their body. You hand them a drink and they can list the molecules in it and their concentrations. You'd think they'd mainly be scientists, but a lot of them are bartenders. They make perfect mixed drinks (down to the nanoliter of exact composition) and they can spot a spiked drink from across the room.

A species that can taste your DNA when you touch them. They're a weird blob that rewrites their own DNA on a daily basis, and find static-DNA beings "weird and unusual" and always want to help you with that. Wouldn't you be happier if you had a couple extra arms? Maybe claws? How about switching sex? Just for the weekend, they can put you back to "normal" if you want. Or maybe you'd like to spend some time as a dog? Your two species are pretty close, evolutionary speaking. It shouldn't take more than a day or two to rewrite every cell in your body. Sometimes you "humans" are so boring. They can't imagine staying in the same form for more than a few days, and you fuckers do that for, what, up to a century? Before you "get old and die"? You know, that's a choice. They can fix that. You don't have to age, if you don't want to.

Speaking of which, species with radically different lifespans and approaches to life.

The Dragon's Egg beings occasionally give humans gifts, of books of poetry about their unrequited love for you. There's no point in responding, even if you do come to love them from their writings. By the time you have opened the first page of the book, they're dead, their children are dead, and their grandchildren are getting old.

Similarly there's a race of trees where you can be dating one for 40 years before they reveal that they've considered this just a minor flirty bit of fun. They don't get involved with humans and human-likes, they'll be gone in the blink of a century, so what's the point. You ask them their age one time and have trouble grappling with the fact that when they sprouted, your ancestors hadn't yet mastered the written language. Their still-living parent remembers visiting earth before it had any life outside the seas. You had dinner with them last Thanksgiving. They liked your broccoli casserole.

So... yeah.

#Furry #Senses #my creations

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krysmcscience · 5 months

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Aww, look at these cute lil kiddos, they couldn't possibly be-

-oh, wait, no, never mind. They're evil.

I'll clean up and color these sketches eventually. Also, goofy headcanon stuff under the readmore if anyone cares. XD;

The Mystic Seller's mention of Leshy's ascension to godhood got me wondering what sort of mortals the Bishops used to be before they were gods, and how the five of them are even siblings. Unless some Real Weird Genetic Fuckery is going on, I have severe doubts they're related by blood, so...Found Family...? Yes, please~ OuO

So now in my brainspace they start out as a bunch of wretched orphan kids, relying on each other to survive with their own unique skillsets, which they utilize with Extreme Prejudice against anyone who happens to be unfortunate enough to have what they need (food/gold, generally).

Shamura is the leader and tactician (and has some spellcasting know-how as a treat), Kallamar is the lookout and stealth killer (with poisons, though he'll resort to Weaponry Panic if things get dicey), Heket is the thief and explosives fanatic (watch out - she'll steal all your food and then go scorched earth on your crops to make sure you STARVE), and Leshy is the distraction master and trap-digger (and general menace who will bite people's faces). Meanwhile, Narinder gets the short end of the stick as usual, in that his only real skill is Kill People Dead - a silent assassin most times, following Shamura's lead to avoid putting him or his siblings in danger, but if he has to, he's equally fine with just rushing in and going ham with whatever weapons he can get his rude little hands on.

I haven't put much thought into most of their meetings - mainly just that (as the seemingly perpetual outlier of the five) Narinder was the last to be brought into their little family. He was already pretty decent at killing to survive, unwittingly massacred a camp of the quartet's latest targets on his own, fell into one of Leshy's pit traps on the way out, and was later found by both Leshy and Heket, who only resisted firebombing Narinder's fun new pit-home when Kallamar found their targets already dead, after which Shamura saw the value in offering Narinder a place in the family. Naturally, he accepted, since the choice was a logical one for survival's sake, but inwardly, he latched onto Shamura pretty hard as a source of guidance and companionship - and, eventually, comfort. Because I gotta add that lovely source of OOF.

The biggest OOF this headcanon creates, though, is that Narinder used to be the one protecting his siblings. :3c Until...ya know. They needed protecting from him. >:3c I do tend to headcanon the whole betrayal thing to be rather less unprovoked on his part, though, because I read too much into the few details canon gives us on that front, and this fucker has become my precious little meow meow, okay??? >:[

I needed to be in bed hours ago lol, why do I do this

#sketches #fanart #cult of the lamb #cotl #cotl bishops #cotl narinder #cotl leshy #cotl heket #cotl kallamar #cotl shamura #the marks on narinder's forehead are scars that eventually become his third eye i guess because why not? idk man i just work here #look- i can't be told that the bishops also betrayed narinder without immediately thinking there is so much more to his lashing out at them #because it just doesn't read like he's talking about them trying to seal him away for eternity after he literally attacked them all #granted - he COULD be lying - he IS a bastard like that #but given his quest line and general tsundere vibe i have my doubts #also LOOK i know kallamar is the one with the holy hand grenade - but hear me out #heket attacked me with bombs first and i took that very personally

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gin-juice-tonic · 7 months

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can i ask how youre able to make so many comics or if you have any tips for aspiring internet funny comic makers? your gag comics are always so creative and funny and well-executed, and your longer form stuff is just a delight to read, i would love to know if u have any advice/insight into yr process

I'm not good at advice so you will have to bear with me here. Also I'm putting it under a readmore cause images make it into a long post. The like first 3/4th of this I talk about specific comics I did, but if you scroll to the end I tried to give some general advice.

My stuff is unfortunately very inspiration-based as opposed to planning-based. So my process might not be helpful if you're looking for something structured... The first thing I should say is I write down basically anything that pops into my head ever. I have a bunch of nonsensical tumblr drafts,

I have stuff in my phones notes app,

I have pages and pages of papers and post-it notes littering my apartment (if you want to know the extent, my sister asked me how I could live with my apartment being so "messy". The only messy thing in it is my papers scattered about). I find the paper stuff the best, because I can draw instead of just writing down concepts.

This is the page I did for the comic about Stan "comforting" Dipper over his unrequited crush on Wendy. (The tumblr version being here)

You will notice aside from the order on the page being strange and some scratched out dialogue, there's not really evidence of a 'plan' here. That's because I was just drawing this as I was thinking it. You will also notice there are two random unrelated Ford drawings in the middle of the page. That's because I was drawing ANYTHING that I was thinking of.

And when I say write down anything, I do mean it. Write down something you did that week, something you remember from when you were 8, something you said out loud and laughed at, things you thought about in the shower, a fact you learned, what your friend had for dinner. See if you can apply it to something. I've mentioned before that this comic only exists because I ran out of toilet paper and went to buy a large bulk pack of it...

When I already have a base idea and just want to expand on it, I usually draw first ask questions later, and things seem to just snowball into being a story. As an example, for the comic I did about Dipper's swimsuit, the base idea was just "Dipper and Stan both wear fully covering swimwear - because they're trans and its what they're comfortable with." But when I went to look up what Dipper wore to the pool, i noticed mabel had a Star one piece suit

Dipper has a star hat in the first episode that he loses, right? SO why don't we give him a matching star one piece that he abandons.

Of course then that single drawing CREATES the story, because we have to explain how he eventually ends up in what he's wearing in the episode. And then I just draw and draw and draw until either the comic ends or I can't continue for whatever reason. The outline for the full thing usually forms while I'm drawing. If I'm worried about forgetting, I'll write down what comes next.

Some of this stuff I didn't stick to, or greatly expanded upon. It's good to be flexible with what you're doing. If something you originally intended only to be a throwaway bit inspires you, roll with it and keep going. (If it ends up being nothing, you can always discard it or turn it into something else later anyway)

I did the swimsuit one basically fully on my computer, but if you want to see another paper based one, a lot of the comic with the kid stans and crampelter I'm doing currently is down on paper.

If you can make out my writing, you can see it says "Crampelter has found out about Stan and Ford's boxing identities" at the top there, which was the general main idea of this part of the comic. This one was a lot more planned than the dipper swimsuit one. There's multiple pages of this sort of stuff, and I knew the idea I wanted was "If Ford and Stan are trans, why would they still be called those names as kids?" (So I guess the takeaway from this one is if you're wanting a structured comic, write down the main idea on the top of a page and brainstorm dialogue and drawings on it?)

There's a lot of sort of floating heads with dialogue, all that matters is I get the emotions or general idea drawn. They're important for me to draw out because being able to "see" the scene (even if I'm seeing it heavily unfinished) is what usually inspires the next bit of the comic.

And I know I talked like a lot already but some general other advice:

Draw, ask questions about what you've drawn, draw more to answer the questions, see if those new drawings ask any new questions, continue this process till you come to a satisfying resolution.

It's fine to not draw something immediately after you've thought of it. I have a lot of things I've just squirreled away for later. And in the same vein its okay to drag something old up that you've never used and try to work with it.

I almost always put on music while I'm trying to think of things. Something I feel fits the mood of what I'm doing tonally. And then I usually just put the same song on repeat, though some people im sure would feel like that is psychological torture. But its helpful to me.

This might sound silly if you're someone who leaves the house a societally normal amount, but I try to go out into the world and do things so I get new ideas and experiences I can build on. Sometimes those things are literally just "go to the park", but sometimes it's venturing out somewhere several hours away or doing an activity i'd never care to do normally... I try to take note of anything that stood out to me and write down thoughts or feelings I had during.

When it comes to trying to be "funny", you should try to make yourself laugh first. Not only because you want your comics to bring yourself joy, but also because its just hard to make stuff you don't care about (And harder to be consistent about it). Though if you think of something and you don't really think its funny, you don't have to throw it away! You might be surprised what other people end up liking. So don't kill yourself to write jokes you yourself don't really get, but if your brain spits out something on its own you dont care much for, it still may be gold to someone else.

It's okay to make comics about simple and relatable things. People love relating. And depending on what you're writing about, that relatability may be really needed!

Everyone has something of value to say. Even if you yourself don't feel like the things you're saying matter, or that they're too silly or un-serious to matter. They matter.

#ask stuff #sorry its so long and probably largely unhelpful

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saunteredserpent · 3 months

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I don't want Aziraphale and Crowley to become human, when all is said and done, in the finale of series 3 and the show as a whole. Because it's

in my personal opinion going against who they both are in terms of who they've both been all along, and

not at all what they deserve for an ending to begin with.

Most specifically, Crowley.

Hear me out, because I was just talking about this with a good friend of mine.

It is stated, verbatim in the book itself, that "Crowley [is] an optimist." Now granted, sure, that the sentence following that one also mentions him being an optimist strictly in terms of believing the universe itself will always turn out in his favor; that "he [will] come out on top; that the universe [will] look after him".

Is this arguably selfish of him? Maybe. But we'll (probably) come back to that. If not, and I forget to circle back to it in this particular post, I'll probably just talk about it in a different post later on.

That being said: buckle in, because not only did I just talk about this with a good friend of mine, but I'm fairly certain I talked her ear off about it as well. I have a feeling the rest of this post might possibly get lengthy, so I'm putting it under a readmore as a courtesy to the rest of you. you're welcome xoxo /lh

Crowley is a demon, right? An optimistic demon, who loves listening to Queen, and driving his Bentley, and collecting plants, and drinking wine and Talisker whiskey, and indulging in spy thrillers, and watching humans fall in love (this last one I DEFINITELY will come back to), sure... but still a demon nonetheless. I mean for fucks sake, one of his very first assignments as one, is to "get up there and make some trouble" — 'up there' being the Garden of Eden, and 'make some trouble' being, arguably, to tempt Eve.

I say 'arguably' because as far as I know, we don't... actually know that he was really told to tempt her in the first place. For all we know, 'make some trouble' could have meant anything. It could have meant 'tempt the first woman into disobeying her creator', sure. Or it could have meant causing rain clouds to downpour over a garden where no rain had yet fallen, and in doing so ruin that perfect little image of paradise. Or it could have even meant terrorizing the other animals in his Serpent form.

It could have meant any of those things, and more.

I believe Crowley chose temptation, for a reason — and hear me out: I believe said reason in him choosing to tempt the first humans into a little rebellion, a little disobedience in learning right from wrong after all, actually has to do with why he, himself, was cast out.

Unless I'm remembering wrong we haven't actually been given the reason Crowley was cast out; but our best educated guess, as a collective fanbase, is that he was given such a punishment for daring to ask questions. For wanting to know things. And I won't say this next thing is a good thing of him to have done so, per se, in terms of potential pettiness and whatnot, but.

What if Crowley tempted Eve into wanting to gain the knowledge she did... all because he was denied answers, himself? All because when he wanted to know things, himself, he was also punished? I don't know if anyone else has brought this up as an arguable point already — please free to point me in the right direction if they have — but Crowley being cast out for knowing, but doubting and/or wanting to know more things could very, very much be a direct parallel to Adam and Eve being cast out for possibly having doubts and/or questions, themselves, on top of having gained new knowledge they weren't supposed to have gained in the first place.

What if this very first little temptation of his (and again, I'm not saying it's a good thing, per se) was also the first means of him finding a connection with humanity, despite his position and nature as a demon?

Because as we move on, over the course of the next several thousand years, Crowley remains on Earth almost the entire time, only reporting back to Hell whenever he absolutely needs to; otherwise, at least as far as we've been shown, avoiding Hell if he can help it. He remains on Earth — by doing so, acting on self-indulgence by partaking in the many delights and pleasures (and even some of the vices) that humanity ends up having to offer.

Not only that, but in doing so he as an immortal demon also allows himself the joy of watching us, humanity as a species, evolve, grow, adapt, and change, every step of the way... and in doing so, falls in love with us, humanity, as a whole. He falls in love with us (though of course in a much different way than he falls in love with a certain angel), and all we have to give.

Crowley, as a demon, watches us, as humans, in everything we come up with, in everything we invent, and also watches us in everything we do — the bad and the good, for all of the above.

He watches us hate. He watches us go to war with each other, and destroy each other and ourselves, over the thousands of years. And I like to imagine that, frankly, it always breaks his heart watching us do so.

However—

I also like to imagine that at the same time it's broken his heart watching us destroy, and hate, every time, it's given him happiness and hope watching us not only create and fall in love... but also inspire.

I like to imagine that for the latter, specifically, we've not only brought him hope that things can and do get better (because at this rate he's seen it all from us) — but also that we've inspired him as well.

Because what if that's the beauty of it. What if it's him having fallen in love with humanity not only for the little things and little gestures that we have come up with and invented as a whole that have brought him, as a demon, joy — but also the thoughts and feelings, the sheer number of complex emotions, we've over the course of our very existence become capable of rendering not out of each other but also out of him as an entirely different being.

What if we're the reason he's an optimist in the first place.

What if all of that is the other big part as to why Crowley, alongside Aziraphale, was against Armageddon in the first place. Not just the material things we've invented that he enjoys — but everything we've made him feel for himself, and inspired him with.

Of course none of this is to say that it isn't or can't be the same to be said of Aziraphale. I'm more than convinced that he has also been inspired by us, and felt several emotions of his own, in watching us over the thousands of years.

My point for this post is specifically about Crowley, because in my opinion, as stated already... is what if he's not only connected with us all along, but had somehow found a (albeit, arguably, flawed) way to connect with us from the very start, and will continue to do so?

I don't want him and Aziraphale to become human because I feel that in having been given the opportunity to fall in love with and feel inspired by humanity, and all the ways we've grown, and all we've ever had to offer, as a whole, they also deserve the opportunity to continue to fall in love with us, and continue to be inspired by us.

TLDR; if they're written off as either willingly giving up or being stripped of their immortality in the end, then sure, yes, that's them being provided the opportunity to grow old together and pass on together., etc etc etc. Arguably, that could make for a decently happy ending in and of itself. But. That's ALSO them being robbed of the opportunity to, for the rest of humanity's existence, continue to watch us grow, and to continue to appreciate us and all we've ever been capable of inventing, and will continue to invent, as well as any and all other things we also become capable of causing them to feel as time passes — all while we ourselves, proceed to evolve and grow, and create, and love, even more as a species.

And being robbed of getting to continue to witness such a thing out of humanity isn't what they, in my opinion, deserve.

Thank you for coming to my TED talk, y'all. xoxo ✌🏻✌🏻

#anthony j crowley #aziraphale #good omens #aziracrow #good omens meta #meta #hadley.txt

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robotsandramblings · 7 months

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me reading the "new" "canon" heights for the Bad Batch on starwars.com:

nooo thank you, don't like those, i'll stick to the wookiepedia + my headcanons version lol ✌️

i'll save my overall analysis & ramblings for under the readmore

(here's the og thread that brought it to my attention. make sure to read op's corrected version!)

(p.s. the height chart was done by me on heightcomparison.com, it's not an official star wars image -- but the data matches starwars.com)

first off, i will acknowledge that visually, in the show, their heights are always a tricky thing. i've been referencing a bajillion screenshots since i came upon this thread. their comparative heights change in like every screenshot, due to camera angles and/or where they're standing relative to each other. we never get to see all five (5) of them standing shoulder-to-shoulder, side-by-side, in a single straight line, with an eye-level camera shot*.

i'll also acknowledge that i've always just gone off of what wookiepedia says, because it's the closest to an 'official' source that we've ever had -- but it's still not the official source. Here's the wookiepedia version, btw:

and you know what? depending on what screenshot you look at, these can both seem right. sometimes, Tech looks as tall as Crosshair; other times, Tech looks close to Echo's height. (Tech is also rarely at full height -- he's usually got his head and shoulders bent down to read his datapad. i think he slouches too.) i also find Hunter's height varies a lot too, depending on the shot.

Personally, i will be following the wookiepedia version. i think the starwars.com numbers are way, way off. (Warning: here's where the ranting part begins lol)

Wrecker has never, ever been a full head taller than Tech, Echo, or Hunter. what the actual fuck lmaooo

and 7 inches taller than Crosshair?? i don't think so lads

they're tryin' to tell me Echo is shorter than reg height??? bullshit lol. and Tech too??? also bullshit lmao

i refuse to believe Tech is only 2cm taller than Hunter; Tech should be, at minimum, 2 inches taller than Hunter.

i feel Omega's height can vary in the show, like Tech or Hunter as i mentioned. sometimes she seems very small, sometimes she seems taller than i remember.

that all said, i think the height for Omega is correct... for Season 1**. but S2? and now in S3? she's definitely grown a bit.

so i guess if i had to come up with my own numbers, i'd go primarily with the wookiepedia data, with a few tweaks...

Omega**: at least 140cm / 4' 7''

Hunter: 180-181cm / 5' 11''

Echo: 185cm / 6' 1''

Tech: 190-193cm / 6' 3'' - 6' 4''

Crosshair: 193cm / 6' 4''

Wrecker: 198-200cm max / 6' 6''

(i will hold onto Short King Hunter with a death grip until i die. even though i'll admit he looks reg/Echo height in a lot of shots. but i just really love the idea that's he's juuuust under 6' !)

**My headcanon is that in S1, Omega was approximately 10 years old. (which would match with starwars.com data, since average height for a 10-yr-old = 127-137cm.) i'm assuming we're at least 2 years later by S3, so she should be 12, which should put her height at 140-162cm.

i think in the show, they're keeping her closer to 140cm, but i'm equally onboard with her being on the taller side, closer to 162cm. i like the idea that she will eventually grow to reg clone height of 6 feet, thus she'd be on the taller end of "average" child height.

*there is one singular screenshot i came across which might be the closest. however, it's only properly showing the OG four -- Echo is in the shot, but disproportionately in front of them. it's also from their pilot in Clone Wars S7, which arguably was just a beginning stage for them, and changes were made before their own show aired, including the animation style/models.

it would explain where many of us got our idea of Tech = Crosshair same height. but Hunter is also nearly as tall as them?? certainly not 180cm lmao. so idk. take that as you will.

#the bad batch #crosshair #tech #hunter #echo #wrecker #omega #star wars #analyzingsw #sw headcanons #i spent WAYYY too long on this doign research and looking at screenshots lmaooooooooo 😅

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wrestlezon · 3 months

Text

Best Friends & Orange Cassidy vs Miro & Kip Sabian and Penelope Ford Feud (Oct 2020 - Mar 2021)

Hey, I finally finished putting this together! (its just tv stuff, i missed any twitter tweets)

I've supplied (brief) summaries, hyperlinks, and timestamps for each show, mostly to fite/triller where you can directly watch them if you have an AEW+ sub. If you don't, I tried to include some youtube/twitter alternative links where applicable. I've also left the bilibili video ids from before I got fite/triller, they're in blue.

(My advice: feel free to skip straight to Jan 06 2021.)

It's a looooong post, so its under this readmore. You can also find it as a separate page on my tumblr here. if i end up hosting it anywhere else i'll edit the original post and put a link here as well maybe

by zon :)

-----------------------------

OCT 14 2020

https://www.f4wonline.com/news/aew/results/aew-dynamite-anniversary-show-live-results-four-title-matches-322571

The feud begins. The first match of the show is Best Friends vs FTR. Kip and Penelope are… playing… on an arcade cabinet in the arena. Trent accidentally destroys the cabinet while fighting FTR. Kip and Penelope to run off. After the match ends, they return with Miro who beats up Chuck and Trent. After a commercial break, Miro/Kip have a tag match (squash) against Lee Johnson/Sean Maluta and then do a promo about the broken arcade cabinet.

0:16:21 arcade break | 0:20:00 Miro Appears | 0:26:00 Miro/Kip/Penelope postmatch promo

https://www.trillertv.com/watch/aew-dynamite-episode-42-20/2p88b/ BV1Rp4y1r7y9

(later on in this show, Orange has a match against Cody for his TNT Championship.)

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OCT 28 2020

https://www.f4wonline.com/news/aew/results/aew-dynamite-live-results-world-title-eliminator-semifinals-323741

Returning from supporting Orange Cassidy in his lumberjack match, Best Friends bump into Miro, Kip, and Penelope (MKP, if you will) in the halls. MKP are pretty chill about the whole broken arcade thing and offer them some presents and halloween treats. Chuck and Trent are unamused. MKP then reveal that it was merely a halloween trick™ and beats them up.

1:17:00 best friends + MKP backstage promo

https://www.trillertv.com/watch/aew-dynamite-episode-44-20/2p8ac/ BV1j5411L7GM

Also, Orange has a rematch against Cody for that TNT championship since their last match ended due to the time limit. This time its a lumberjack match. Best Friends are present and also take part in the chaos.

54:28 Orange’s match entrance | 57:50 Cody’s entrance (and the rest of the match)

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NOV 2 2020

Excalibur interviews Trent and Miro ahead of their upcoming match on Wednesday over webcam. It’s 6 minutes long, and mostly Excalibur bearing witness to Trent and Miro arguing. Gonna give a shout out to their distinct webcam setups, lol (Trent is using workout earbuds and sitting in what has to be a large dim empty room, Excalibur is in his bedroom, and Miro is in his gamer office with a headset)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3N1SZTP8ywc

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NOV 4 2020

https://www.f4wonline.com/news/aew/results/aew-dynamite-live-results-full-gear-go-home-show-324296

Trent vs Miro. During the entrances they show a clip from the interview from Nov 2nd. Orange and Chuck are hanging out ringside, as well as Kip and Penelope. Eventually Chuck runs off stage while fighting Kip. Dark Order appear to beat up Orange since hes fighting John Silver at the upcoming Full Gear. Miro scares them off and then defeats Trent with his submission hold. After the match, Miro puts Trent back into his Game Over submission and Chuck runs in to save him. Kip was following close behind. Chuck and Trent get both of their asses kicked. Orange attacks MKP and the two sides split off.

0:23:25 Trent vs Miro | 0:28:00 Chuck leaves | 0:31:00 Dark Order appears | 0:37:23 Match Ends | 39:40 Postmatch ends

https://www.trillertv.com/watch/aew-dynamite-episode-45-20/2p8cy/ BV1wV41117E7

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NOV 6 2020

https://www.f4wonline.com/news/aew/results/aew-dark-results-daniels-vs-sydal-taylor-vs-johnson-324511

Chuck Taylor fights Lee Johnson on AEW Dark. Nothing MKP-related happens, but at the start Excalibur briefly brings up the ongoing feud Best Friends are having with Miro/Kip/Penelope. Plus its a fun match for AEW Dark.

43:56 Chuck Taylor vs Lee Johnson

https://youtu.be/S_ShrIJ4hVQ?t=2636

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NOV 7 2020

www.f4wonline.com/news/aew/results/aew-full-gear-live-results-five-title-matches-omega-vs-page-324571

Full Gear! Orange has a match against John Silver. Later on, he gets interviewed by Dasha alongside Best Friends. MKP interrupt the interview– Kip’s mad that Orange’s beef with the Dark Order caused them to show up at the Trent vs Miro match, and that they could’ve hurt Penelope. He asks for an apology from Orange and then immediately slaps him anyway. Best Friends get mad on his behalf but Orange casually says everythings cool and walks with the two of them offscreen. Everyone is confused at how chill he is.

3:09:53 Backstage Interview

https://www.trillertv.com/watch/aew-full-gear-2020/2p83a/ BV18K4y1E7uE

-----------------------------

NOV 11 2020

They play the segment from Full Gear on this Dynamite and announce Kip vs Orange for next week.

1:36:45

https://www.trillertv.com/watch/aew-dynamite-episode-46-20/2p8ef/

-----------------------------

NOV 18 2020

https://www.f4wonline.com/news/aew/results/aew-dynamite-live-results-pac-returns-world-title-contract-signing-325391

Kip Sabian vs Orange Cassidy. Best Friends accompany Orange for his entrance, but return to the back. Miro’s on commentary calling Trent his Young Boy. JR brings up Kip and Penelope’s upcoming marriage. After Orange wins the match, Miro sprints from the commentary table to punch out Orange. Best Friends show up immediately after and MKP run off.

0:26:53 Match Start | 39:50 Match End

https://www.trillertv.com/watch/aew-dynamite-episode-47-20/2p8ft/ BV1jK4y1j79q

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NOV 24 2020

https://www.f4wonline.com/news/aew/results/aew-dark-results-dark-order-vs-janelakiss-vs-chaos-project-325946

Trent vs Michael Nakazawa Chuck and Orange are hanging around ringside. Not necessarily MKP-related, but Excalibur mentions their feud. The Wrestling Observer article says that Nakazawa sabotaged Trent during his match against Miro way back when, but I’m not sure where that’s specifically mentioned. It’s really just in service of facilitating this goofy comedy match.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=pf1mr41FoLQ&t=1123s

-----------------------------

NOV 25 2020

Miro & Kip’s game livestream is interrupted by OC. Its a trap by the Best Friends!

twitter.com/AEW/status/1331783338214961153

or:

1:11:03

https://www.trillertv.com/watch/aew-dynamite-episode-48-20/2p8h6/

-----------------------------

DEC 1 2020

Best Friends have an AEW Dark match against Sean Maluta & Adam Priest. Unrelated to the feud, it seems? https://youtu.be/oLW9pywcIYI?t=2722

-----------------------------

DEC 2 2020

https://www.f4wonline.com/news/aew/results/aew-dynamite-winter-coming-live-results-moxley-vs-omega-326461

The show starts off with the Dynamite Diamond Battle Royale, and it has Orange Cassidy in it. It comes down to him, Wardlow, and MJF, and Orange eliminates Wardlow to end the match and qualify for the dynamite diamond ring match next week. Best Friends come out to pick him up congratulate him. Orange flops to the ground like a sack of potatoes. MKP come out to antagonize them and are held back by every referee.

13:45 Match End | 15:03 Postmatch End

https://www.trillertv.com/watch/aew-dynamite-episode-49-20/2p8i3/ BV1KK41137KR

-----------------------------

DEC 9 2020

https://www.f4wonline.com/news/aew/results/aew-dynamite-live-results-sting-interview-omega-title-win-fallout-327116

The dynamite diamond ring match! Best Friends accompany Orange and hang around ringside along with a group of others to even out the odds as MJF has the entire Inner Circle backing him up. This is a pretty fun match. At the end, Miro comes out to knock Orange out while the ref is preoccupied by ringside chaos, and then MJF takes advantage of this to pin Orange for the win. Best Friends fight with Miro & Kip, but the refs get them away. Miro proceeds to kick the shit out of every security guard.

1:43:36 Orange’s entrance + match start | 1:57:35 Ringside Chaos + Miro Appears

https://www.trillertv.com/watch/aew-dynamite-episode-50-20/2p8jf/ BV1QK41137mb

unrelated, but MJF has a short promo against Orange at 14:40

-----------------------------

DEC 15 2020

https://www.f4wonline.com/news/aew/results/aew-dark-results-best-friends-vs-chaos-project-shida-vs-king-327711

Best Friends vs Chaos Project fight on this episode of AEW DARK. Miro comes out at the end to yell at them, but the refs keep him away.

1:42:00 Match intro | 1:53:00 Miro Appears

https://youtu.be/7_xHd64xeeQ?t=6171

-----------------------------

DEC 16 2020

https://www.f4wonline.com/news/aew/results/aew-dynamite-live-results-omega-vs-janela-no-dq-match-327716

(trent had a fight against jericho earlier, and had a staredown with ortiz/santana…)

Best Friends do a promo– They’re unhappy about Miro sabotaging Orange Cassidy, and hear that Kip and Penelope’s wedding date is being announced next week, and warn that they’ll also be at that show.

1:41:20 Promo

https://www.trillertv.com/watch/aew-dynamite-episode-51-20/2p8ka/ BV1bt4y1k7SC

-----------------------------

DEC 23 2020

Wedding date reveal segment. Best Friends’ intro starts, but its just a prank. They then show Trent being loaded into ambulance.

1:11:00-1:14:55

https://www.trillertv.com/watch/aew-dynamite-episode-52-20/2p8l5/ BV115411H7PA

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

JAN 06 2021

Chuck and Orange give an update on the status of Trent’s injury, Miro and the gang show up. Miro tells Chuck that he needs to stand up for himself instead of hiding behind his friends, or better yet be Miro’s friend and do all his chores. Chuck challenges Miro to a match next week, and Miro accepts with the stipulation that if Chuck loses he’ll have to be his young boy/rookie. Chuck agrees just to get this stupid beef over with faster.

0:24:27-0:26:18

https://www.trillertv.com/watch/aew-dynamite-episode-01-21/2p8ne/ BV1c54y1s71A

-----------------------------

JAN 13 2021

chuck vs miro. we know who wins– obviously. how would there be a butler segment otherwise?

0:15:20 chuck entrance | 23:02 match ends

https://www.trillertv.com/watch/aew-dynamite-episode-02-21/2p8oj/ BV1xh411y7XX

You can also just watch the last 3 mins of the match on youtube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9vRsizDs838

-----------------------------

JAN 21 2021

We get the Charles Taylor butler reveal during Leyla Hirsch vs Penelope Ford. Orange is in the crowd, rather unhappy. After the match, Miro commands Chuck to enter the the ring and bosses him around. He then forces Chuck to look at Orange in the crowd and say into the mic that Miro is his best friend now.

1:25:22 Penelope Ford Entrance | 1:34:55-1:37:33 Postmatch Promo

https://www.trillertv.com/watch/aew-dynamite-episode-03-21/2p8pk/ BV14v4y1f7tr

-----------------------------

FEB 03 2021

Miro and Kip have a short backstage promo about being excited for the wedding. Chuck is standing next to them, miserable. Vickie Guerrero then fetches them for the big wedding.

Miro gets Chuck to bring the champagne, then drinks Chuck’s glass cuz he is working. Miro gets mad at the person sized present hanging round the ring. Chuck says its a wedding gift from him. Miro is on to him, and trashes the gift. Chuck cuffs Miro's leg while he isnt looking, then Chuck turns on them. Orange also appears :)

1:00:12 Wedding Stage Setup | 1:00:56 Backstage Promo + Wedding | 1:12:08 Wedding… Ruined | 1:16:23 (segment end)

https://www.trillertv.com/watch/aew-dynamite-episode-05-21/2p8sj/ BV1vU4y1x7E8

-----------------------------

FEB 10 2021

Recap of last week’s events.

47:35-49:24 MKP's promo, then Orange and Chuck

https://www.trillertv.com/watch/aew-dynamite-episode-06-21/2p8tp/ BV1ur4y1N7Fd

-----------------------------

FEB 17 2021

Orange Cassidy vs Luther on dynamite. Chuck and Serpentico are ringside. Neither Miro nor Kip Sabian make an appearance.

-----------------------------

FEB 24 2021

Tony Schiavone has an interview with MKP. They’re very very mad about the wedding. Miro wants to beat up Orange. He says he likes Chuck Taylor and wants him to come back and be a butler for him again. Someone gives tony a note. Its one of those little “will u wrestle us at revolution? y/n/maybe :)” asking-someone-out-in-highschool kind of notes. Miro gets mad and says its childish and that Orange Cassidy is such a bad influence on him. But if Chuck comes home he’ll teach him how to be a man. Miro then crumples up the note and eats it, and then spits it back out at Tony.

37:13-39:35 Promo Segment

https://www.trillertv.com/watch/aew-dynamite-episode-08-21/2p8w5/ BV1cp4y1H7Qv (0:37:25 ?)

alternatively: https://twitter.com/AEW/status/1364752741889900545

-----------------------------

MAR 03 2021

Revolution 2021 Miro + Kip vs Chuck + Orange match announcement, plus a short backstage promo from Miro.

1:43:26 Miro Promo

https://www.trillertv.com/watch/aew-dynamite-episode-09-21/2p8xm/ BV1MK4y1D737

-----------------------------

MAR 08 2021

The Match At Revolution. feat. a lightly bloodied chuck

1:21:54 Marvez backstage interview w/ Chuck and Orange (that leads into the rest of the match) | 1:33:26 Match End

https://www.trillertv.com/watch/aew-revolution-2021/2p8rn/ BV1Pf4y1t7GL

-----------------------------

MAR 10 2021

Chuck and Orange requests a rematch. Arcade Anarchy!

31:30 Promo Start

https://www.trillertv.com/watch/aew-dynamite-episode-10-21/2p8zg/ BV1rN411Q7c2

alternatively: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0SGY6GgdLJU

-----------------------------

MAR 17 2021

Marvez interviews Miro about how Chuck and Orange challenged them to a rematch. Miro’s not interested, says he is over it. Kip interrupts and says he super isn’t over it, and is mad that Miro doesnt care and also hurt his wife! Kip accepts the rematch.

1:33:27-1:35:01 Backstage Promo

https://www.trillertv.com/watch/aew-dynamite-episode-11-21/2p90p/ BV1Cf4y1s7uv

-----------------------------

MAR 24 2021

Video package about the upcoming Arcade Anarchy match: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QwRMbFy4SU8

-----------------------------

MAR 29 2021

AEW DARK miro shows up at the end of orange/chuck’s match. :O https://youtu.be/d2hjXKRuHVY?t=94

-----------------------------

MAR 31 2021

The Arcade Anarchy match! By pinfall or submission only.

1:39:29 Match Intro / Miro + Kip Entrance | (commercial break) | 1:43:34 Orange + Chuck Entrance

https://www.trillertv.com/watch/aew-dynamite-episode-13-21/2p93m/ BV1yf4y1x7Kq 1:26:40 (?)

supplemental material for the arcade match lol: https://twitter.com/callmekrisstat/status/1377705137792290821

ah damn wtf hold on the tweet’s deleted. here: https://web.archive.org/web/20210914041200/https://twitter.com/callmekrisstat/status/1377705137792290821

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

what happens later?

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

APR 07 2021

Best Friends interrupt Death Triangle's in-ring promo and start shit up with them (again):

15:18

https://www.trillertv.com/watch/aew-dynamite-episode-14-21/2p94w/ BV16K411w7Ug 0:16:00 (?)

-----------------------------

APR 14 2021

Kip Sabian is nowhere to be found, which Miro finds pretty annoying! He just wants to talk, cmon. Well, since he can’t find him, he’s moving on to challenging anyone in the company holding gold. https://twitter.com/AEW/status/1382498000484851713

-----------------------------

APR 21 2021

miro promo again: https://twitter.com/AEW/status/1385035045799448585

-----------------------------

APR 26 2021

Kris Statlander started feuding with Penelope Ford, too. Here’s a Road to Dynamite where Chuck, Trent, and Orange support Kris through a promo video package. It’s one of my favorites.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zYScNUG1ego

-----------------------------

APR 28 2021

Kip goes to see whats up with Miro :) https://twitter.com/AEW/status/1387583461939101698

-----------------------------

Over the course of 2022 you’ll occasionally see a guy in the crowd with a cardboard box on his head. That’s Kip Sabian, out of kayfabe he was dealing with recovering from a shoulder injury? It lasted a while and when he recovered he came back as a my chemical romance lookin’ dude who may or may not have thought the cardboard box was controlling him? The gimmick didn’t get over so it got dropped pretty fast. He also had a short feud again against Orange Cassidy in 2023 when Orange had the All-Atlantic Championship– he got under Orange’s skin so bad! Anyway thats neither here nor there. Thanks for reading!

#aew #best friends #chuck taylor #miro #kip sabian #orange cassidy #i hope i never have to format a post like this ever again lmao wtf 😭 tumblr's rich text editor sux!!!!#this feud is also not that great really. it drags. but it has some moments and is responsible for my favorite aew best friends promo later #anyway at least i can put this out there now #its just stuff from tv or the official aew accounts-- if any of the wrestlers were tweeting extra stuff then i missed it.#a lot of that stuff wouldve been lost to time anyway #(i cant even fully blame notorious tweet deleter chuck taylor-- i found out a tweet i saved from kris statlander was deleted at some point)#postzon #feud timeline

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puppypuppypuppypuppy · 11 months

Note

How did your human spam and jevil meet?

OK. This took a while I had to scour the underground cave system of me and yashas dms to find all the relevant convos and such. I'll put them under a readmore bc. Yeah.

Also, the moment of first contact as depicted by the magnificent @naggingatlas

So, surrounding info: The au takes place in Hometown ofc. Eugene, after being released from jail (no murder here just manslaughter. he does tell ppl it was murder tho) has lived there for maybe like, 5 or 6 years (seam pulled some strings (hehe) to get him the place and peaced tf out) He's since been living as a hermit in the forest in this decrepit spooky house. He was once a prolific poet/philosopher/whatever and ig kind of still is? but he has a complicated relationship with his old work and resents how misinterpreted its been by the majority of his fans. His only real friend is dess. He's also a ukrainian immigrant, came to the us before the collapse of the soviet union. No desire to go back bc he had no attachments...

Meanwhile Esteban's deal is much more similar to canon... was once a big shot, the powers that be abandon him, he loses everything, now he's homeless, so it goes. He was once in a super bowl commercial with spuds mackenzie and is VERY proud of that fact, don't bring it up. At this point, h'ed been living in the streets of new york freakin city, too proud to go back home (el paso, texas, second generation mexican immigrant), getting by taking shady gigs and reselling garbage, scrap, old electronics, etc... One such gig being what brings him into hometown thus beginning our au. I've got some screencaps abt the gist of it all

(these are so funny bc some aspects of it get immediately retconned. also the reason I say he finds eugene familar is because they've technically "met" before multiple times in their lives just very informally. might go into that later idk)

(Here is where yashas images above the cut take place ^^)

(his door knocker is shaped like a dragon btw. very cool.)

(We wrote more of this encounter but frankly it's incomprehensible and this post is getting way too long just know that they're engaged in spamvil typical psychic warfare.) (it's like this.)

And thaaaat's basically it. Some details prone to change but overall this is how their first official meeting goes. Esteban comes by every day trying to sell shit but other things happen too like they go fishing, sit in a dusty abandoned car, smoke weed, eat cherries... .. ., lot's of fun stuff. Maybe I'll even make another post abt it if there's interest.

If you've read all of that have this in consolidation:

#stebjek #spamvil #sure.#this took way too long sorry... ill answer more asks soon but ill be sure to make them more brief

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aqours · 11 months

Text

anyways if i'm going this deep in lemme share this teen mom Ashley fic idea i had i'd love feedback on the idea

this is completely unrelated to my other idea regarding this this is an entirely different can of worms i'm putting this under a readmore just bc it's a bit long and also filled with dead doves so only open and eat it at your own discretion

so basically the idea goes like this- when they were teenagers (her 14 and him 16) Andrew and Ashley got into some kind of big fight (still working on it) most likely due to him having a girlfriend in hs at the time. during this period, in an effort to make a point and piss him off, Ashley gets a boyfriend of her own (who just so happens to have messy black hair and green eyes wow what a coincidence) who was in a class with Andrew. some incident happens where Ashley "accidentally" leaves her phone with explicit texts on view (but also tis like the 90s so maybe i'll redo that) and Andrew talked with his classmate and then uh there was another second missing person, and after an intense argument Ashley and Andrew "slept in the same bed" and anyways a month later Ashley announces she's pregnant casually at the dinner table putting the pregnancy test she put right on it.

"Huh. Not the reaction I was hoping for."

"Forgive me for not being particularly fucking thrilled at the idea of being a grandmother at 32, Ashley."

"You know, if my kid has a kid at 15 and their kid ALSO has a kid at 15 you could be a great-great-grandma at only 75."

"Please shut the fuck up, Ashley."

and Andrew is in complete denial it is. it's been 6 years and every single person except Julia refuses to believe it isn't. at one point when Alexis "Alex" Graves is a baby she makes a comment she has her father's (green) eyes with a wink and grin at Andrew. during the Burial Route when Mrs. Graves is trying to plead with Andrew she finally says "... If you won't do it for yourself, do it for your ------------------" and it's like his brain physically blocks out any insinuation with he's the father with white noise. so he's been living as the kid's uncle officially and has no idea how to act around this kid most of the time.

Ashley is not a good mom by any means and has had CPS called on her more than once but incompetence won't remove the child entirely and she does like. actually love this kid but her obsession with Andrew is clearly more important to her, the fact this kid keeps him tethered to her even if he won't admit, and also because she spoils the kid however she can to try to prove she's a better mother just because her daughter is happier than she was, when learning Alex hit another kid to get their candy she was outright like fuck YEAH if you want something take it!!! girlboss gatekeep gaslight to this four year old and Andrew at least tried to teach the kid right from wrong in response. during her first birthday Mrs. Graves asked Ashley if she was gonna do anything and Ashley didn't see a point the kid is 1 they won't remember the birthday there's nothing they'd want and she doesn't seem to process the point of a birthday for a baby isn't about toys and fun but to celebrate their life. when Ashley suggests they can get by on mugging people Alex says she can pose as a homeless sad kid and for the first time in a while at her Ashley lights up and says THAT'S why you're mama's favorite <3333

babies don't make everything better the co-dependent toxic satanic demonic summoning cannibal incest game's plot now also includes a 6 year old that has also eaten people now with two of the most awful parents imaginable around her and if anything Ashley might get colder once her mom is dead because now there's no way

thoughts? i really want to write this but i'd love feedback

#the coffin of andy and leyley #andy and leyley #andrew graves #ashley graves #gravecest #coffincest #ashley x andrew #i have. no idea how to tag this otherwise lmao #dead dove do not eat #there #starposts #long post

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storiesofsvu · 2 years

Text

A Dangerous Game Ch 11

Emily Prentiss x reader warnings: language, alcohol consumption, smut, kinda semi public/very public smut, daddy!emily, two idiots in denial but slowly realizing it, minor talk of past hurt/angst/relationships. some more foreshadowing and parallels from previous chapters (v interested to see if y'all pick up on them...) sergio being a little shipper/instigator. House pictured is yn's, i have a real estate link i'll add later thanks to the constant glitching from earlier. Also the triple stars *** mean it’s the next week. The * means time passage same day. I AM PUTTING A READMORE IN, IF IT DOESN'T WORK AGAIN THAT IS NOT ON ME IT IS ON THE HELLSITE AND I AM SO SORRY.

It was incredibly easy to fall into a routine with Emily in the following weeks.

You’d leave work on Fridays, sometimes at the same time, but never together, always making sure to say goodnight to everyone as if you weren’t about to spend the night together. The first week Emily had left Sergio extra food, and since your place was closer to the BAU, you spent it there. The following you ended up back at Emily’s and the habit was made to make the trip to D.C every Friday.

Emily would claim it was because Sergio destroyed a couch cushion and puked on the entry way rug in retaliation of being left out of take out night but you knew it was because she liked her own bed better. You had to admit, you weren’t complaining about it at all, her bed was comfier, bigger too and she had a larger selection of toys. The unspoken argument was that because it was further in miles from Quantico, it felt it, you felt less like you were breaking the no fraternizing rule, when you were there you were still wrapped in the safety of your Vegas bubble.

***

You were fresh out of the shower, wrapping yourself in a fluffy towel, hair pulled up to keep it out of the way when your phone buzzed on the basin counter.

‘I dunno about you but after that fucking hell I am absolutely not cooking tonight.’

‘Are you still at work!?’

‘Last minute budget meeting.’ She inserted an eye roll emoji, ‘I’m just getting in the car now.’

‘Well you just take your pretty ass home, uncork a bottle of wine and relax, I’ll worry about dinner. What’re you feeling?’

‘You were in field training all day; I’m not making you cook.’

‘Never said anything about cooking. I drive right past Carmine’s on the way to your place.’

‘Sounds perfect. See you in forty?’

‘Maybe a teeny bit longer, I’m literally still dripping from the shower.’

‘Won’t be the only time you’re dripping tonight.’

‘Emily!’

Dinner was eaten on the couch that night, a little bit of extra relaxation for everyone, more physically for you and mentally for Emily. Leaning forward she picked up her wine glass from the coffee table, replacing it with the mainly eaten container of carbonara before she settled back against the couch, propping her feet up on the coffee table. You had your back resting against the arm of the couch, your legs extended across her lap, container of classic spaghetti and meatballs in your lap. You let out a small groan, shifting your legs and stretching out one of your calves before it cramped and Emily chuckled.

“Morgan put you through the ringer?”

“Honestly not as bad as I expected.” You laughed, letting out a happy hum as she began to gently massage the muscles.

“Probably helps you guys work out together.”

“Yeah. And my cardio is better than his, I can run circles around him.”

“I’ll make sure I don’t work you too hard tonight then.” She said with a grin and you scoffed, playfully rolling your eyes.

“How kind of you.”

You were distracted momentarily when Sergio leapt up onto the couch beside you, crawling into what open space your lap had and you greeted him with a gentle scratch behind the ears. He leant into it with a soft meow and your hand shifted to under his chin while you cooed at him for a moment. Emily watched with a soft smile, her hands still gently rubbing at your skin, not only could she get used to this, she already had and it was after only three weeks. Your gaze had drifted from Sergio back up to the television, your fingers absentmindedly picking at the leftover meatball on your plate, handing off little bites of it to Sergio who eagerly scarfed them down.

“Hey.” Emily pinched at your leg and you let out a squeak, your eyes shooting over to her, “you keep doing that and he’s gonna like you more than me.”

“Sorry.” You felt your cheeks heat, closing the lid to the takeout container and Sergio batted at your hand with his paw, “mom said no.” You muttered, booping his nose as you shifted on the couch and you directed back toward Emily, “and that is literally impossible. Emily Prentiss is number one in everyone’s book.”

“Oh please.” She laughed, easily handing off her wine glass to you to be topped up while you stood from the couch.

“First in mine.” You said with a shrug, not really realizing what you’d said, padding through the apartment. Wine glasses found home on the breakfast bar while you tossed the leftovers into the fridge, pausing to check something on your phone and Emily felt a warmth spreading through her, watching the way you tugged your lip into your mouth before pocketing your phone again. “You want the gelato now or should I leave it in the freezer?” You asked, breaking her from her trance.

“Oh, now for sure.”

“Kay.” You shot her a grin, refilling the wine, grabbing a couple of spoons and the gelato containers from the freezer before you made your way back over to the couch. “Glad you said that ‘cause I do believe I deserve a treat after today. Remind me to make Derek pick up the tab next time he insists on drinks.”

“You guys go out a lot?” She asked, scooping into her dessert.

“Every couple of weeks.” You shrugged, moaning over your food for a moment, “god this is good. But yeah, Savannah’s a gem, Derek seems to always forget that if I come out for drinks it’s two against one, but it’s all in fun.”

“You don’t feel like a third wheel?” She asked and you bit back a loud laugh.

“No.” The laugh remained on your cheeks and Emily couldn’t help but smile, “hell, a couple of weeks ago Derek was bragging about being hit on at the bar so we bet that either of us could get more phone numbers from girls than him.”

“And?” She raised a brow with a smirk.

“Derek got three, Savannah got eight girls, three dudes, and I ended up with six girls, the bartender and our server… and Savannah’s, but I don’t think that counts.” You let out a little laugh, “oh.. I don’t think I can stay too late tomorrow; we’re going for manicures.”

“That’s fine.” Emily smiled in response, softly squeezing at your leg, “I’ve got more than enough errands to catch up on.”

“You know if you’ve got shit to do we don’t actually have to do this every week.”

“Nah.” She smiled and you could tell there was a tease coming by the look on her face, “I like not having to pay for dinner once every two weeks.”

“Well at least you’re getting some kind of benefit out of this.” You shot back and she laughed, spoon digging back into her gelato.

Your gazes redirected back to the television, old sitcom reruns playing to keep you occupied through the silences. You were halfway through your dessert when the commercial break started, the first a movie trailer, the second for a fast food joint, the third a very over the top jewelry ad complete with obnoxious fake public proposals and crying.

“Gross.” You muttered over a bit of gelato and Emily chuckled softly, though she was mainly in agreeance with you, it was just a little too much for her style.

“Says the one who’s been engaged.” She teased, nearly wanting to take it back the moment your body tensed at her words. She watched the way you froze in your movements, spoon still in your mouth as your brow furrowed before you slipped it out, digging into your food for a second, lost in thought.

“When did I tell you that?”

“Couple of weeks ago.” She shrugged, squeezing at your leg softly, a wordless way of telling you that you didn’t need to talk about it if you didn’t want to. “Well, you mentioned something about nearly marrying a lawyer, I’m just taking liberties.”

“Well you’re right.” You admitted quietly, suddenly very distracted with picking out the cherries in your gelato. It wasn’t that you were avoiding talking to Emily about it, you didn’t mind, it was just that you could feel your chest tightening already with the thoughts of your past.

“Anyone else know?” She asked softly, her fingers tracing patterns on your bare legs.

“Nope.” You finally looked up at her, “wasn’t exactly my star shining moment… can’t say I’m proud of it.”

“What’d’you mean?”

“It was… one of those relationships that when you get out of, everyone around you is all ‘oh my god, it’s about time, she was so terrible to you, I’ve been waiting for you to break up for years, I’m not surprised’ kinda thing.”

“Meanwhile the entire time you’re together they’re telling you how cute you are?”

“Yeah.” You sighed, “Skylar was… something else. I mean she already had the unfair advantage of me in a new city where I didn’t know a lot of people and certainly no family. She proposed in the middle of one of her family dinners, I couldn’t exactly say no in the moment and it sparked a huge fight when we got home.”

“Did you want to marry her?”

“I loved her.” You replied with a huff, “I thought she was the love of my life. A couple of weeks later was when she got the job offer in LA, I coincidentally sat in on a couple of lectures about profiling while we were working a DV case and it kinda all clicked, started to realize just how manipulative she had been the entire relationship. How terrible she’d been treating me. I was blind to all of it, made me realize that if I couldn’t see the real motivations of someone I saw everyday, someone I thought I knew inside and out, then how was I supposed to be able to see through psychopathic serial killers?” You risked a glance up at Emily, the tightness in your chest relaxing when you found her attention on you, a soft encouraging look in her eyes, “It was part of why I decided to specialize in profiling when I moved to Florida after breaking up with her.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Thanks. But there’s no need for you to be, you’re not the one who fucked me up when it comes to understanding love.” You let out an ironic laugh, finally digging back into your gelato.

“You ever talk to her? I know how feelings can get stuck deep down inside you no matter how much you want to ignore them.”

“God no.” You scoffed, “the only thing I feel when talking or thinking about her is the urge to shoot things.”

“You wanna go to the range?” She offered and your head tilted in her direction.

“Isn’t a little late?”

“Oh c’mon, I’m a unit chief! I’ve gotta have some kind of pull.”

“Really?” You looked over to her with a wicked grin that made her smile for real.

“Yeah.”

“Well then fuck yes.”

“Okay but just one question.”

“Shoot?”

“You pawned the ring right? Didn’t give her the chance of getting it back?” She asked, raising a brow and the look on your face had her instantly wondering what happened as you bit back a laugh.

“I fed that piece of shit to a gator my first day in Florida.”

Emily howled out a laugh, swatting at your leg, the two of you both laughing so hard tears had started to blur into your eyes at the sheer thought. There truly was no better way to win a break up than the path you’d ended up on. By the time you were done at the range you were both feeling much more relaxed, any frustration or build up of emotion lifted from your shoulders as you returned to Emily’s apartment.

But just in case, Emily did still drag you into the bedroom to remind you just how special you were, worshipping every inch of your body, her lips and fingers not leaving any of your skin unexplored until you were completely exhausted, curling into her arms into a deep sleep.

***

Paperwork days were usually loved around the BAU, a little bit of a break, time to spend with friends and family rather than chasing serial killers around the country. This one would be, but it was involving a lot of wrap up from a tricky case out in Salt Lake and everyone was already tired from the week out of office. You’d been paired with JJ that week and the two of you had taken down the unsub together, but alone, so your reports were needing just that much more detail for the deputy director to be satisfied. Then JJ got the call that Henry had a school emergency and she had to take off for that, she apologised profusely and said she’d try to finish at home but you assured her to just email what she had to you and you’d finish up.

You’d done as said, reports sitting in your printer while you got distracted looking through case files. Part of you was always waiting for Dewald’s signature to pop up somewhere other than Florida, you knew he was still out there and were sure he wouldn’t be able to resist this long. The office had started to empty out, you, Derek and Spencer left in the bullpen while Emily worked away in her office, though her voice suddenly broke through the room, causing the three of you to nearly jump.

“Wilson are you done with those reports? I need them asap.”

Your head shot up in the direction of her office, worried that she was mad but you could tell by the look on her face that she, just like the rest of you, wanted to get out of there for the weekend.

“Yeah, sorry!” You scooped up the papers from the printer, quickly jogging up the stairs to her office it was nearly out of instinct you swung the door shut behind you, ready for a lecture for your superior. “Sorry, I should’ve filed them earlier, I just got sidetracked.”

“It’s fine.” She let out a small laugh, turning back to you, “I just wanted to make sure they were done. I’m only an asshole when someone above me is an asshole, promise.”

“Okay.” You laughed, sliding the papers onto her desk, watching the way she paused, her eyes dragging up your body and you nearly gulped, feeling yourself flutter around nothing. “Anything else?”

“You never wear skirts…” you glanced down at your outfit, she was right, you were normally ready for field days but had been running out of work clothes today, throwing on a pencil skirt suit and heels. “And to be honest it’s kind of driving me insane.”

“Oh?” You raised a brow, a small grin taking over your cheeks as she stepped toward you.

“Yeah.” She murmured, her fingers cascading up your neck before pinching at your chin, “thinking about pushing it up, sitting you on my desk so I can get a taste before bending you over it, stretching you out over my cock.”

“Well it is Friday…” You murmured back, your lips nearly brushing against hers as you spoke “office desk? Kitchen island? Same difference to me, I have an imagination.”

“Good girl.” She praised, her lips ever so briefly meeting yours before you could both hear the sound of high heels outside her office door and stepped apart before Penelope knocked and darted through the door once Emily gave her the go ahead.

Once you were home that night Emily wasn’t about to forget your words, propping you up on the island while she ate you until your legs were absolutely shaking, pussy clenching around her fingers and you were practically crying for her cock. She wasn’t about to let you down, flipping you over and bending you over the counter, cock plunging into you as you moaned, fingers scrambling against her skin as you could never get enough. No matter how she fucked you, you were almost always left aching for more, her touch burning into your skin as you fell asleep curled in her limbs.

***

You let out a quiet groan, your eyes scrunching as you shifted in the bed, you didn’t want to wake up yet, especially as you felt Emily’s body next to you. Her breath was warm on the skin of your throat, her face nuzzled gently into your body as the two of you slept. You could feel her body raising and lowering as she breathed, still completely asleep and something inside of you softened, knowing she was that comfortable and safe with you by her side. You dared to crack open an eye, hoping you’d be able to keep a hold of the sleep afterwards and your lips broke out into a grin.

She was absolutely stunning, the sun peaking through her curtains, bouncing colours off her hair splayed against the pillows. She looked absolutely peaceful, like she was as relaxed as she possibly could be and that made your heart swell in an entirely different way. You couldn’t help but reach out, your fingers ever so lightly tracing over her skin, trailing around her lips, up her jaw before they ran down the bridge of her nose. No matter how much you didn’t want to move you shifted slightly, pressing a kiss to the tip of her nose and you nearly winced as you watched it scrunch up, her lips twitching up into a grin.

“You’re staring.” She mumbled, her arm wrapping tighter around you.

“Lies.” You murmured, your lips ghosting over hers and she chuckled softly, stealing a kiss without opening her eyes.

“I think you’re the one lying.” She yawned softly and it was your turn to let out a sleepy laugh.

“Maybe if you weren’t so cute when you’re sleeping I wouldn’t have to stare.”

“You ever wonder how I feel?” She murmured, pressing a kiss to your lips and you felt you chest swell, a giggle bursting from your lips before you nuzzled back into her and the two of you were back off into dreamland.

***

When Emily slipped the g-spot vibe into you after your morning session you thought it was to keep her cum buried inside your still dripping pussy, remind you who you belonged to while you went about your day.

You were proven very wrong when you got to the farmer’s market.

Up at a candle stand the tiniest gasp escaped your lips as the toy began a dull buzz inside you. A moment later and Emily’s hand was on your hip, her lips teasing your neck, her words hot on your skin,

“Think of it as a training exercise, gotta keep your poker face sharp. This should do the trick.”

“Yeah, right.” You muttered back, with how close to you she was you could feel the bulge in her pants, you knew exactly what her intentions were.

“Be a good girl for daddy.” She whispered into your ear, nipping at your earlobe before she pinched your hip and stepped away, pretending to look at something else in the stall.

It was a torturous hour and a half at the farmer’s market, every time you Emily picked up her phone you felt your skin prickle in anticipation. The vibrator would pick up speed, change to a more intense pattern before slipping back down. It only took the first three times before she noticed she had a tell, a smirk taking over her lips and she set it to a pre set edging pattern so it would change without her having to touch her phone. Though that didn’t stop her from picking up her phone to pretend she was about change things up, smirk practically plastered on her lips the entire afternoon.

By the time you got back to Emily’s apartment you were certain you were about to explode. The door swung shut, the bag in her hand dropped onto the kitchen island and she was on you. Her lips met yours in a fiery kiss, one that she was in complete control of as her hands made quick work of your clothes, pulling your panties down your legs as she did so.

“Daddy please….” You whined, collapsing against the wall behind you and she could see your thighs trembling.

“Oh princess…” her hand caressed at your cheek, “I never said you weren’t allowed to come. Poor thing. You must be incredibly pent up.” She stepped toward you, slotting her thigh between your legs and you let out a shriek as it nudged the toy deeper into you, the denim of her jeans brushing against your throbbing clit. “Go ahead, make a mess of daddy’s pants.”

Her hands clutched at your hips softly, rocking your body and you cried out as pleasure shot through you, your entire body trembling, gasps leaving your lips as your juices dribbled around the toy. Emily couldn’t help but smirk as you rode out your orgasm on her thigh, the damp spot on her jeans getting darker and bigger with each twitch of your body.

“Fuck.” You swore, a hand clenching at Emily’s shoulder like a life line and she chuckled darkly. Nudging you up off her thigh just enough to pull the toy out you let out a whimper as the rest of your juices drenched her leg.

In an instant she had you spun around, your forearms bracing against the wall. Her hands sunk down your body, pulling down the cups of your bra as she went, your nipples hardening in the cool air of the apartment. You knew she wasn’t done, especially with the tell tale sound of her belt clinking as she undid her pants.

“Just want one more from you angel.” She said, “want you to come around daddy’s cock, okay?”

“Yes!” You practically shrieked, her fingers toying with you already before she coated the dildo in the mess of your juices and her leftover cum from that morning and slid it into you with ease. “Oh fuck…”

It was almost embarrassing how quickly your pussy was fluttering around her cock, the tip of it nudging against you with each thrust of her hips. The sounds coming from your cunt were ones of absolute sin, sopping wet, each time Emily pulled her cock back it was covered in more of your cum, completely drenched.

“Oh god daddy!” The cry left your lips louder than you expected and Emily urged you on with a particularly rough thrust, her hand coming to spank at the curve of your ass.

“That’s it princess. Let everyone know just how good daddy fucks you.”

“S’close!” You whimpered, your eyes scrunched shut as your fingers clawed at the wall, wishing for some sense of balance while your legs began to shake. Fire prickled under your skin, pleasure building deep in your gut, a moan leaving your lips with each thrust of Emily’s cock. “oh god… god! Please!”

Emily’s free hand found your chest, pinching at your nipple, rolling it between her finger and thumb and you practically screamed, your pussy clenching down around her. Your body shook as you hit your peak, your legs began to give out and Emily’s arm wound around your waist, keeping you upright and pulling you to her. She kissed up your neck gently, stilling her thrusts while you whimpered, shivering every couple of seconds until you could finally open your eyes again.

“Jesus Christ.” You muttered and she laughed softly, kissing your shoulder as she pulled out, watching the mess drip down your thighs.

“How about we get you in the bath angel? I’ll start on dinner.” She suggested, nudging you in the direction of the bedroom once she was sure your legs weren’t complete jello any longer.

You were particularly blissed out post bath, wrapped in cozy hoodie and stolen pair of Emily’s sweatpants sat at the kitchen island. Sergio quickly took place on your lap, purring loudly as he curled up to wait for treats while you ate dinner. Emily had taken a few of the super fresh ingredients from the farmer’s market to make pasta pomodoro with chicken and goat cheese and to be honest it was one of the best dinners you’d had in a while. You’d offered to help with the clean up considering she’d cooked but she waved you off, insisting on you continuing to relax and refilled your wine instead.

You couldn’t help but watch her as she flit through the kitchen, placing leftovers in the fridge, a pan into the sink to soak before loading up the dishwasher. It was all very menial, almost boring daily tasks but there was something about being around while someone was doing them that made a warmth bloom through you in a completely different way than earlier. Sure, it had been another six weeks of your no strings situation, being in each other’s company on the weekends was a very regular occurrence and nothing new. And honestly? You wouldn’t change it for the world, being able to watch Emily in the comfort of her own home, underneath the shell of the FBI agent was something you adored.

“What?” Her voice broke through your thoughts, a small laugh evident on her lips and you laughed yourself.

“Nothing.”

“You that blissed out?” She teased, coming around the island to wrap an arm around your waist, pressing a kiss to your temple.

“Kinda.” You admitted with a little giggle, “guess I’m just used to days that are either all sex, or all casual. You took me on one hell of a rollercoaster today.”

“Sure did.” Smirking, she leant down, kissing you softly. “You let me know whenever you want to do it again.”

“Think I’m pretty wiped right now honestly.”

“Not tonight.” She laughed, kissing you quickly again before she swiped both your wine glasses off the island, nodding toward the couch, “but you’re welcome to stay over tonight too. I think I might just owe you some cuddles after how well you did today.”

***

Your house was split into three floors, the entry level being home to a small office, storage room and half bath, safe to say the least lived on floor. You were currently on the second level, home to the kitchen, dining space and living room, the tv on in the background for noise as you finally had the chance to curl up on the couch with a book. It was the middle of the week, the team had gotten back from San Antonio midday Saturday so you’d taken some time tonight to toss some laundry in and tidy up around the house. You heard a noise from downstairs, glancing toward the window, wondering if it was your neighbour getting home when you suddenly heard it again, this time you were certain it was knocking. Tossing back the blanket you scooped up your phone, it was nearing ten thirty and you had no notifications but there was definitely someone at your door. You meandered down the stairs, flicking on a few lights here and there before checking the peephole to find Emily on the stoop.

“Hey…” You greeted, pulling open the door.

“Hey.” She smiled meekly at you and your head tilted in confusion, “oh god… this is so much more awkward than I expected…”

“Well if you’re gonna be awkward can you be awkward inside? It’s freezing.”

“Sorry.” She nearly winced, quickly stepping over the threshold, toeing out of her shoes.

“C’mon.” You’d already flicked the lock behind her, nodding towards the stairs before you jogged back up them. “Wine?” You asked as you approached the kitchen island, turning back to her.

“You got anything stronger?” She asked with a sigh.

“You okay?” You asked, pulling down the bourbon from the top shelf, pouring some into a tumbler for her.

“It’s, ugh, God! This is so stupid.” She groaned, grabbing the glass to take a hefty swig before starting off on a mini rant, “I just, it’s been a hard week and I feel even dumber because it’s only Wednesday and it’s not even like the last case was a rough one. I’m just… tired… ya know?” She glanced in your direction and you nodded, “I don’t know where I am but it’s stuck somewhere between wanting to shoot someone and wanting to curl up into a ball feeling sorry for myself. Apparently I’m crap company too because Sergio wanted nothing to do with me, every time I tried to pick him he’d run off so if I’m bringing the mood down you’re free to kick me out. Oh, and you left a shirt at my place that he’s stolen so I don’t know if you’re ever getting that back”—

“Okay,” you interrupted with a giggle, hands grasping gently at her forearms, “now you’re rambling.”

“Sorry.” She mumbled, ducking her gaze, “I guess I just wanted some company, even if I’m garbage at it.”

“You’re not.” You assured her, your fingers curling under her chin so gain her gaze before you leant in, kissing her softly, “trust me.” You squeezed at her hand, “and you don’t need to feel stupid. Just because you’re this big bad ass FBI Unit Chief doesn’t mean you always have to be in control and know what you’re doing. We’re only human, you’re allowed to feel vulnerable.”

“Even if I hate it?” She asked, her nose scrunching in distaste and you laughed.

“Yeah. You’re even allowed to cry, but I’m honestly not sure if you have tear ducts.” She scoffed, but you saw the smile flash across her face and you knew it had worked. “Everyone needs a little bit of comforting sometimes, doesn’t matter how tough you are.”

“I think…. That’s what I want.”

“Then c’mon.” You squeezed at her hand again, guiding her over to the couch where she collapsed down beside you, letting you wrap an arm around her as you tossed the blanket over your laps, your fingers gently coming to comb through her hair.

An episode or two later and you could feel her body while still stiff wasn’t as tense, her fingers were tickling at your skin and you found yourself climbing into her lap, lips meeting hers tenderly, tongues slowly exploring each other’s mouths. You broke the kiss, eyes dark as you looked down at her, tilting her chin up to you,

“Let me take care of you daddy…” you whispered, slowly sinking to your knees between her legs, “would you like that?”

You were practically pouting back up at her and Emily felt like she could explode at just the sight of it alone. Her hand reached out, caressing at your cheek gently and you leant into it before turning your head to press a kiss into her palm.

“Yeah angel.” She nodded.

“Just relax for me. You’ll feel better, promise.”

A moment later and she was kicking her pants off her legs and your face was buried between them, bringing her to the full point of relaxation that she hadn’t even realized she’d been needing.

____________________

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#emily prentiss #emily prentiss x reader #a dangerous game #daddy emily prentiss #emily prentiss series #criminal minds #criminal minds fanfic #emily prentiss fanfic

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mekanikaltrifle · 9 months

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Styrofoam Scots and why the fuck I don't like American takes on Scottishness/Celticness/fairies/whatever else and wish they'd leave us well enough alone

OKAY. so. I want to preface this by saying I am in no way the Last Word in All Scottish Shit Ever, and there actually are other Scots around who probably don't give much of a fuck about this. Or Changeling. However, they were not asked and so that's their business! :D

This is also gonna be really fucking image-heavy so watch out for that.

Part 1- Styrofoam Scots: What the Fuck Are They? So, the name as implied is a colloquial term used to mean North Americans (usually) who boast some Scottish ancestry, who act as if this makes them special in some sort of way. Usually in a disturbing blood-and-soil, aggressively possessive of land they've likely never fucking seen kinda way. They will henceforth be referred to as 'Styros' for simplicity's sake. Follow under the readmore for the full scoop...

If you're diaspora Scottish and are interested in the country to a normal degree, you are not a Styro. Even if you're a bit over-eager about kilts and tartanry and ceilidhs and shit. If you're part-Scottish and were born or raised elsewhere, you are also not a Styro. You may just be a bit out of the loop. That's fine, you have your own shit to do.

Now of course this is Urban Dictionary, but elsewhere (often Facebook) there's groups online about actually showing and discussing-- and often chiding-- these Styros on their attitudes regarding Scottishness and their perceived claim over it.

We don't like this shit lads. 5.7K is quite a lot of folks in a country with 5.5 million people.

The stupidity of this assertion, as you can guess ranges from the incredibly fucking silly/incoherent:

(I have honestly no fucking idea what this one's trying to say. A 'gealtachd' i think is meant to be Gaeltacht, which is not a person or a speaker of any Gaelic language like he is attempting to do... but actually is a district of Ireland? Generally an Irish-speaking one? More than one Canadian gael uses this term incorrectly and I really have to wonder what they're doing out there.)

Anyway they run the gamut from there to, uh DOWNRIGHT HOSTILE and xenophobic/bigoted and truly fucking ABHORRENT (antisemitism, racism and white supremacy warning)

I'm not gonna put too many more of these nastier posts on here cause I think we get the picture. So, a Styro is generally someone who acts as if their distant and historic family relationship with Scotland makes them somehow educated to speak on it, often over actual Scots, and regularly they engage in a few unpleasant thing such as:

Conflating the Scots and the Irish in the same group, which is not appropriate in the slightest despite the similarities and shared history between the countries (and I'll explain that later)

Aggressively promoting misinformation regarding 'tartanry', clans, Scottish history and its place in the British Empire

Claiming modern Scots are somehow 'lesser' than they are for 'not stucking to traditions' and 'forgetting our culture'

Hopefully you're starting to see a pattern here-- this is all very clearly sounding like Scottish-flavoured white supremacist LARP.

That's cause often, it fucking is.

There's a North American picture of Scottishness which is permanently frozen in a hazy, nightmarish portmanteau of Braveheart and Outlander-type green-hills-and-heather fantasy, and the timeperiod of intense religious and socioeconomic upheaval the ancestors of these people left behind-- unwillingly more often than not--or were forced out of for religious extremist views.

This frozen sick-saccharine hellscape is in no way indicative of a real Scotland that exists, or has ever existed. Much like this hellscape 'AI' picture floating around the Styro facebook group that haunts the everloving shite out of me.

The longer you look at it, the worse it gets. I can't stop staring... FUCK the pipes Danny Boy, the GIGANTIC BISCUIT calls...

Part 2- So How Does this Relate to Other Weird CeltyShit Online/In Real Life?

Good question. I'm glad you asked. This is where properties like Changeling: the Dreaming and whatever other American fantasy fairies thing you can think of come in.

So, while I don't think the creators of 'fairy' media are actively Styros, or insane racist bigot thundercunts, I do think they hold that same falsified mishmash fake idea of what Scottishness/Celticness is. Scottishness (and Irish- and Welsh-ness) have been mysteriously conflated into one big mixed up generically Fantasy cultural mash that, while these three individual cultures share similar myths and some with the same origin point, has absolutely zero bearing on the real stories anyone in these countries could actually tell you. The mythology has been so thoroughly ripped away and dissolved over time to the point of not really mattering that much (for better or worse) that not only is the American idea of 'fairies' kind of alien in the first place, the insistence on using generic 'celtic' fonts and art styles, boiled down ideas and very derived misuses of endangered languages becomes kind of an insult.

'Endangered?'

Yep. Irish is currently being learned by more people than actually can speak it, and the same holds true for Scottish Gaelic (or its proper name Gàidhlig)

Bad times for the Gaels, but things are very steadily on the upswing. These languages, as well as our individual cultures, are endangered by colonialism (whether oppressed by it, or a participant in it), and the homogenisation of all cultures on the British Isles into one neatly-controllable 'British' identity that surprise surprise... is mostly English. So, this shit is bad for the public image of Scotland and Ireland and so on as individual, modern countries with people currently living in them and trying to move forward with everyone else. This has been a tough battle, especially for Scottish Independence seekers who have been fighting to maintain Scotland's image as a modern and thriving country with real potential... rather than a heather-covered backwater fairyland for rich people to use as grouse moors...

oh did I not mention that too? Asides from spiritually fucking stealing our land, a disturbing amount of our physical land is also owned, often by people who don't fucking live here , often to make themselves fucking look better environmentally and in total fuckin secret because apparently we don't get a fucking say.

lovely shit, love being a fucking grab bag for a bunch of cunts.

Not a pretty sight, huh? We're not the only ones going through this, mind, but when the only image of Scottishness online is dominated by Outlander, ScottishPeopleTwitter, Fairy Shit and The Fatal CeltyShit Stew, you can see how it's harder and harder to convince anyone that we're a modern fucking country that should be treated as such. Not when we're apparently just here to be taken for a ride, taken apart for someone's fantasy land, and we can't even appreciate our own home or history because what isn't dominated by fantastical bullshit is pervaded with white supremacist bullshit.

If I'm not mistaken isn't this some weird fake native american/shamanist thing? I am deeply fucking confused Part 3: Okay that Sucked.

It really did. Side note: FUCK Outlander. and Diana Gabaldon. I could go on a rant about her actual heaping shite rambles about Scots, and how much I loathe that her fake CeltyShit Doctor Who fanfic has somehow pervaded even the 'Scottish History' section of my own fucking local library here in fucking Dundee what the FUCK. BUT. I digress. This fake image of Scottishness as some tartan-and-warrior nobility clan shit is an aggressive and dangerous image which gives a pass to hide just how fucking horrific Scotland was as part of the Empire. Nowhere here do you see any acknowledgment of who we actually are, what we've actually done and who suffered at specifically our imperial hands. Actually, one of those is the Irish!

Fairies are fun and all, but I personally find them to be a deeply unappealing diversion attached to an internet culture of intensely rancid shit which just cannot seem to accept modern Celtic nations as even existing. We do, we're trying to do better-- mostly-- and we're not some mystical fae people who exist in the far flung pipe backed mists of time with no relation to real life.When Changeling: the Dreaming turns around and calls their 'fairy homeland' of Scotland Alba, they step over and erase not only the historical Alba, but also the modern one, the name for the country as said by the Gaels. It's real, and it looks nothing like the thing they're tacking fairies onto and more to the point, Scotland isn't even really covered anywhere else other than as a nice backup home for a Fianna character, or the orogin of the main villains of WtA, the Black Spiral Dancers. (Scotland also briefly makes a mention in Wraith the Oblivion 20th as having a major Necropolis in its Shadowslands and I actually do like that one cause it finally reads accurately to the real myths of the area) Also, every Scot I know has a story about an American asking us if we have internet access, drinking water, electricity in our homes...

I always have a lot more to say on this subject and can elaborate as and when, but I think this will do for now... thanks for coming with me on this weird wee journey. :D I hope this makes sense as to why the fake Scottish 'Fairy Kingdom of Alba' Changeling thing is... Just not for me. It rings immensely ill informed and shallow, at the end of the day.

#scottish life #scottish culture #styrofoam scots #antisemitism #bigotry #xenophobia #white supremacism #all around badness #fairies #celtic mysticism #othering #exotification

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