#I'm balancing this plus my first job so bear with me

[megxplryxb]

As Bad As You Are

I tapped my nails nervously on the back of my iphone as our uber approached the driveway of an all too familiar house. I bit my lip and closed my eyes thinking about the last time I was here. I swore I'd never be back here. But I'd said that before and here I was...again. This time would be different though. I was stronger, smarter and more importantly, I was no longer his little toy to play with when he was bored.

"Dude are you ok?" Tara asked squeezing my hand as a concerned Devyn turned her head back from the passenger seat.

"Mmhmm." Is all I could manage to mumble out as I gave the girls a reassuring smile. I had to get my shit together and fast. I had been cool about this all day but now as the driver slowed down and suddenly stopped right outside the front door my stomach began to do flips. It always happened when I knew he was close by. Fuck.

We paid for the uber and made our way to the house. "Damn, are we late?" Devyn questioned hearing the loudness of the party through the inside of the door.

"I don't think so. Jake said ten right?" I questioned looking at Tara who rolled her eyes.

"Yeah but Jake's a fucking idiot. He's lucky he's hot or I'd be so done with his stupid shit." She huffed as we laughed. She always said that but we all knew she loved Jake more than anything. Must be nice. Just as we were about to knock on the door it opened in front of us. My heart skipped a beat as I waited to see who was going to be the one to greet us. Please don't be him. Anyone but him.

"Oooooooh! Look who it is!" Sam yelled excitedly running straight to me and lifting me in to a huge bear hug.

"Hey Sammy, happy birthday!" I smiled hugging him back feeling pure relief that it was Sam who had answered the door to us. I had missed him so much.

"Yeah happy birthday Sam!" The girls echoed before making their way through the party to find their respective boyfriends.

"I didn't even know you were back from the big apple. Did you just get here?" He questioned as I nodded a yes. Liar. I closed my eyes knowing I had just lied to Sam. I had been home for a couple of weeks but I wasn't ready to see everyone. I wasn't ready to see him.

"Wow, I'm so glad you're here. I thought you'd be too embarrassed to hang with us now that you're famous." He nudged.

"Sam, I starred in a music video, not a Hollywood movie. Plus you're way more famous than I am." I stated as he shook his head.

"You starred in a music video for a song that you wrote the lyrics to. That's a pretty big deal." Sam said taking a drink from the red cup he was holding. "Kat's gonna freak when she sees her bestie!"  She wasn't the only one.

"KATRINA!" Sam called out as my pink haired best friend skipped through the hallway. Her eyes widening in shock as she saw me standing there.

"Look who it is!" Sam grinned like a child.

"Surprise!" I shouted.

"Oh my god! You're back!" She said jumping in to my arms almost making me lose my balance.

"I'm gonna get you a drink. Just the usual?" Sam asked as I nodded.

"You know it." I smiled politely as Katrina continued to wrap herself around me.

"Is he gone?" She whispered.

"All clear." I giggled as she finally let me go. "Do you think he bought it?" I asked as we both fixed our outfits. "Of course." Sam has no idea you've been back for a while. I promise."

"Thanks for not saying anything." I said wrapping my arm around her. Kat had been the only one out of the whole group to know that I had been home for a bit longer than I let on. She was also the only one who knew why I had stayed away so long in the first place.

"What are best friends for?

"The place looks great. You did such a good job decorating." I stated looking at all the balloons and banners Kat had bought for Sam's birthday. She had been talking about it for so long. She just wanted to give Sam the best night possible.

" I'm so glad you came." Kat grinned placing her head on my shoulder.

"I promised you didn't I? Plus I wouldn't let Sam down. I couldn't hide away for the rest of my life because of....." I paused.

"I know." She whispered holding my hand.

"Here you go ladies!" Sam danced over to us with our drinks placing his arms around both of our shoulders.

"Thank's babe." Kat said kissing him on the cheek. "You're the best Sammy." I said cuddling in to him. As one of his oldest friends I was one of only a few people that always got away with calling him Sammy.

"Am I allowed to say how hot she looks right now?" Sam asked Kat who playfully shoved him towards me. "I think you just did!"

"Sam are you drunk?" I questioned as he looked at me offended. "Why do I have to be drunk to say that you look good?" He fought back. "You do look hot girl." Kat admitted sipping her drink.

"Boy I can't wait to see Nate and Colby fight over you later." Sam joked as I shifted uncomfortably hearing the name of the boy I was trying desperately to forget about.

"Hey babe, I think I heard the door. You should go get it." Kat said pushing Sam towards the door as she caught my hand and led me to a quieter part of the house. "I'm sorry about that." She said with concern in her eyes.

"Kat stop! It's fine honestly. I have to get used to this again. Hearing his name, seeing him. I mean I'm in his fucking house." I said placing my hands on my head.

"He is gonna drop dead when he sees you though." Kat said giving me an evil grin. I laughed a little shaking my head. I wouldn't admit it to anyone but a part of me was aiming to show him what he was missing. I was wearing a little black off the shoulder dress with black fishnet tights. I knew I looked good, I knew exactly what to wear to make him crazy, what not to wear to make him even crazier. I wanted to bring him to his knees like he had done to me.

"Where is he anyway?"

"Upstairs."

"Oh." I laughed rolling my eyes. Typical.

"He's not with anyone if that's what you're thinking. He's finishing up some editing. Actually, Sam mentioned he hasn't seen him with anyone since before you left. That's a long ass time for Colby to go without hooking up." Kat confessed. She was right. Colby had a new girl almost every night.

"Doesn't matter to me anymore. Tonight isn't about him. It's about Sam so let's go find him and get drunk." I said taking her hand as we made our way to find her boyfriend. 

A couple of drinks later and I was finally starting to relax. Corey and I had just beaten Jake and Tara at beer pong and we were happily sitting on the kitchen counter taking shots and selfies.

"That's a good one. That's going on insta right now!" He announced uploading the photo and tagging me. "Yeah I liked that, its cute." I agreed.

"Have you seen Colby yet?" Corey asked as I took a shot and shook my head. "Not yet." Hopefully never.

"Well he's gonna be stoked to see you. You don't wanna know how many times I caught him stalking your socials." Corey said stuffing his face with a pizza roll. I looked at him in shock. He had to be messing with me.

"What?"

"Yeah seriously bro."

"Shut up." I half laughed pushing him."

"Dude, for real. I teased him about it once and he got really fucking defensive too." Corey said shaking his head. "Did I miss something? Is there something going on between you two?"

"Are you serious?" Me and...? Why can't I say his name? "No. God no." I chuckled playing with my hair.

"Ok, but I could have sworn......You know what, forget it." He said blushing.

"Forget what?"

"Nothing." He laughed as his eyes widened.

"Corey?" You asserted as he rubbed the back of his neck nervously chuckling. "I could have sworn I walked in on him......jerking off....."

"And? I'm sure that's happened more than once you do live in a house full of testosterone" I teased.

"Yeah but....I'm pretty sure it was to the music video.....you were in." Corey admitted as I almost choked on my drink.

"Okay now I know you're joking because that hasn't even been released yet." I confirmed crossing my legs.

"Wait, you didn't send it to him?" Corey questioned as I shook my head. Surely this was a prank.

"Why would I send...You're messing with me right now."

"Bro I swear down!" He said holding up his hands. "If it helps you looked fucking incredible in it..you and that guy had some amazing chemistry and choreography." Fuck my life. I cringed thinking about Corey and the others watching that video. I was practically in my lingerie for the whole thing.

"That doesn't help Corey." I fumed.

"Sorry but I really thought you sent it to Colby."

"I need another drink." I admitted jumping off the counter finding a bottle of vodka on the island and walking outside to the pool area for some air. I took a swig from the half full bottle as I tried to calm myself down because tonight was Sam's night and I wasn't going to let Colby ruin it. Not for Sam, not for Kat, not for me. I hadn't even seen him yet and somehow he had still managed to make himself known. A part of me wanted to leave but I knew I couldn't. The stronger part of me knew that if I did, I was back to square one again. Running from him wasn't an option anymore. I'd both been there and done that.

"It cant be...." I heard a voice gasp behind me. I hadn't even fully turned around before I was swept off of my feet and begin spun around.

"It is you!" The long haired brunette cried excitedly. 

"Nate stop! Do you want me to get sick all over you?" I yelped closing my eyes until the spinning was over.

"I'm sorry I just..I didn't even know you were back!" He said pulling me in for a hug. I wrapped my hands around his waist keeping him close for a moment. Nate was great. He was one of my favourite people in the whole world. Plus he was incredibly sexy. He had asked me out a long time ago but I turned him down because... Well because I was sleeping with Colby and although it wasn't a relationship and we were seeing other people our friends were off limits. That was one of the "rules".

"Yeah I just got back a few days ago." I said as we finally parted.

"Well you look good. I mean.. you look way better than good, you look uhhh." He looked at me sighing heavily as he rubbed the back of his head. "You look hot...I mean...you look beautiful." He admitted as I blushed and laughed at the same time.

"Thanks Nate. You don't look so bad yourself." I confessed as we stood silently for a moment.

"So...you planning to drink all that by yourself?" He asked pointing to the vodka bottle in my hands.

"That was the plan but seeing as I like you I guess we can share." I winked. The air had started to hit me hard and I could feel the alcohol start to take over.

"Awesome."

"We should dance." I suggested grabbing his hand and taking him back in to the house where people were dancing.

"I'm not very good at this." He said throwing back some vodka.

"Nate, you're a singer. If you can sing, you can dance." I argued as he laughed. We spent the next few minutes dancing with Corey, Jake, Devyn, Tara, Kat and Sam. All of us taking pictures and videos on our phones. Kat grabbed me as we danced together while she was on Instagram live. "Myyyyy bestie is sexxxxxy." She slurred in to her phone kissing me on the cheek. We continued dancing to the loud music until I heard Sam yell.

"Yooooooo!"

It sent a sudden shiver down my spine because I knew what it meant. I could already feel his presence. I turned around to see him slowly walk down the stairs with a glass of Jack Daniels in his hands, wearing a black tank top that tightly carved his abs through the material, his signature black pants and vans. Well he's still fucking beautiful.

"About time brother!" Sam shouted embracing his best friend as Kat grabbed my hand tightly. I smiled gratefully at Kat. I could see that she thought I was going to fall to pieces upon seeing Colby again but truthfully, I just wanted to hurt him. Like he had hurt me. Maybe it was the alcohol but I had so much anger built up inside of me and it had only gotten worse since Corey had told me about the video. Who did he actually think he was?

"Sorry brother but one of us had to work on your birthday. I'm working on catching up though." He grinned downing the glass of jack with ease as he took his final steps down the stairs. He still hadn't seen me as he walked with Sam over to the group.

"Just so you know Nate's been dancin' with your girl bro.." Sam joked patting Colby on the head.

"Who's my gi......" Colby froze finally seeing Nate and I leaning against the wall. This was it. I could either walk away or I could face him. I bit my lip in contemplation before choosing the latter. 

"Hey stranger." I smiled sweetly pulling him in for a hug. Thank god for alcohol.

"Hey!" He said wrapping his muscular arms around me. "Long time no see." He muttered still holding me in his grip.

"You can say that again." I said as he finally let go. A silence grew amongst the group and I could only guess that they could sense a change between Colby and I. I didn't exactly jump in to his arms as I would've usually done when I got back from work trips that were long than a couple of days. "More shots!" Katrina called nervously sensing the uncomfortable vibe between myself and Colby.

"Fuck yes! Time to get you shit faced brother!" Jake yelled grabbing Colby by the shoulders. His eyes never leaving me as he was being pulled away.

"You ok?" Kat whispered.

"Totally." I smiled as we walked back towards the kitchen where the guys were taking shots.

"Did you guys get one for us?" Kat huffed as Nate turned around with two shots.

"I knew we could count on Nate." Kat smile batting her eyes playfully at Nate.

"Such a gentleman." I flirted standing beside him. I could see Colby gritting his teeth from the corner of my eye. He really hated me flirting with Nate. "You can't fuck any of my friends. Especially Nate. I know he's in to you." I don't know why it bothered him so much. Colby had made it clear he didn't want a relationship with me so I could never understand why it bothered him that Nate was in to me, if he really was.

"Ok. We ready? Happy Birthday Sam!" Colby shouted downing the shot as we all repeated his sentiments before swallowing our own.

"Oh and welcome back!" Colby said winking at me taking a swig straight from the bottle of whiskey.

"Thanks Cole." I smirked. Asshole.

2 hours or so had passed and I had managed to avoid having to talk to Colby again. At least we were being somewhat civil for Sam's sake because neither of us wanted anyone else to know that things were not okay between us. I looked around at the house and yard thinking about all the memories I had here. All my favourites being with Colby. All my worst being with him too. No matter where I went in this house I could tell a story about something we had done. This was where we had first kissed without it being a dare or us being drunk. It was where we had slept together for the first but not for the last time. It was where I realised what I felt for Colby wasn't just lust anymore and that I was falling in love with him. Something we promised we wouldn't let happen. A promise I wasn't able to keep.

I sat on the sunbed by the pool texting on my phone when I felt a body take a seat beside me.

"So are we gonna cut the friendly bullshit now that no ones around?" Colby questioned his blue eyes piercing me with sheer cockiness.

"Gladly." I replied not looking up from my phone.

"Good cause its exhausting." He sighed as I locked my phone getting up from where I was sitting not willing to give him the argument I knew he was looking for.

"Trust me, If it wasn't Sam's birthday I wouldn't waste an ounce of oxygen on you." I stated smugly walking back in to the house and away from him.

"Hey, I've been looking for you." Nate said walking towards me. "I've just been around." I smiled refusing to show any pain or anger.

"Were you with Colby all this time?" He asked with a slight frown pointing towards Colby who was still sitting where I had been, looking directly at us.

"No I haven't really spoken to him all night."

"Are you guys ok? Usually at a party I can't get you away from him." Nate questioned as I looked back at Colby.

"I guess, things change." I admitted shrugging my shoulders. "Do you wanna...." He choked for a second trying to finish his sentence. "Dance with me again? We didn't get to finish the last one?" He asked as I smiled and took his hand and guided him to the floor once more.

I wrapped my arms around his neck as we danced to the beat of the music. He stood nervously until I laughed. "You can put your hands on my waist Nate. I don't bite." He chuckled and slowly placed his hands on me. The floor began filling up as more and more people joined the party. Kat shot me a cheeky grin as she danced with Sam.

"Are you having a good time?" Nate asked as I nodded.

"Of course. Are you?"

"The best." He admitted grinning like an idiot.

"Good." I said hugging him tightly before we went back to dancing. Babydoll by Ari Abdul played through the speakers as I froze... That was our song...the song that was playing the first time Colby and I decided to become more than friends but less than a couple.

"Good you're so fucking beautiful..."He whispered kissing my collarbone as I closed my eyes.

"Colby... I don't want to ruin our friendship. I can't lose you like that." I admitted biting my bottom lip, placing my hands gently on his chest.

"We were never just friends, you have to know that." Colby whispered lightly pressing his lips to mine.

"Hey you ok?" Nate asked waving a hand over my face escaping me from my thoughts.

"Yeah, sorry I just got lost there for a second." I said reassuring him. I closed my eyes trying not to think about what this song had represented. What it had meant to me. Just then I felt someone burning a hole through me from somewhere in the room. I opened my eyes to see Colby staring straight at me leaning against the wall with a bottle of jack in his hand. He gave me a strange smirk and nodded at me never moving his eyes away from me. He couldn't possibly remember this song...could he? Colby didn't think like that. He wasn't sentimental. That wasn't him. Why did I even care? Why did I want to know if he remembered? Why was I still thinking about him when Nate was in front of me? Why hadn't I looked away from Colby yet? What the fuck was I doing?

"Hey ,can I ask.." Oh no.... "Nate I'm sorry. I just need a minute." I said quickly pulling away from him and headed towards the bathroom. I felt a hand reach for me, the cold clad rings were all too familiar on my skin.

"I could be wrong but I think you had more fun with me the last time you heard that song." He did remember...

"Fuck you." I spat.

"That you did." He grinned smugly. I wanted to slap him. I ripped my arm from his grip and slammed the bathroom door shut before I shed any tears in front of him. I took a deep breath as I leaned over the sink. Do not cry. Do not cry. You will not waste any more tears on him. I took a couple of more deep breaths as I got my composure back.

"Fuck this." I cursed looking at myself in the mirror. I had enough of feeling this way, being treated this way by someone I would have once given my all to. This wasn't the Colby I had known for years before we started this toxic relationship. I wasn't who I used to be either and I needed to find her again. My blood was boiling as I exited the bathroom. All I could see was red as I went in search for Colby. It didn't take me long as I walked towards him and the black haired girl he was flirting with. I grabbed his arm and began to pull him away as the girl tried to grab him back. "Wait your turn bitch." She spat as I grinned looking at Colby. "Oh I've been waiting for this for a long time."

She tried to grab my arm but I shot her a killer look. "FUCK. OFF." I warned as she finally walked away defeated. I continued dragging Colby up the stairs and towards his bedroom. I could see Nate frowning at me as he watched Colby and I make our way up the steps. "You know I'm pretty sure your boyfriend saw you pulling me up here. I don't think he's gonna be too happy." Colby teased in my ear as I shoved him hard shutting the door behind me.

"What is your problem!?" I screamed. I knew the music was too loud for anybody to hear me and I couldn't wait any longer.

"What's yours?" He fought back.

"I'm looking at him."

"I love it when you're feisty." Colby grinned trying to cup my face, the smell of alcohol lingered on his breath as I slapped his hand away.

"Don't. Don't you dare touch me."

"You never complained before."

"This is all just a game to you isn't it? You just get off on hurting people."

"You used to get off on me hurting you too." He teased moving boldly closer towards me.

"How fucked up must I have been?" I admitted standing my ground. I sensed he could see the seriousness in my eyes because he took a step backwards.

"Why are you here?" He questioned as I raised an eyebrow. "Because it's Sam's..."

"No. Why are you here with me...right now?" He challenged folding his arms.

"Because you've treated me like shit for too long and I'm over it."

"And you had to drag me all the way to my bedroom to tell me that?"

"I'm not going to fight with you down there and ruin Sam's night. Unlike you I actually take other people in to consideration."

"You sure it wasn't to get me away from the girl downstairs?" Colby quizzed as I scoffed. "I'd be doing her a favour."

"You never could hide your jealousy."

"And what about you huh? Like you haven't been watching me all night with Nate." I teased as his face changed.

"If that's what you need to believe to make yourself feel better then by all means..." He replied trying to act unbothered but I knew Colby better than that. His whole demeanour changed at the mention of Nate's name.

"It still gets to you doesn't it? That I could have him in a heartbeat."

"You don't want Nate. You never did." Colby stated confidently.

"How would you know what I want?"

"If you wanted Nate you'd be downstairs with him. But here you are in my bedroom with me." He grinned.

"You're so cocky. It's sickening."

"I always thought that was one of the things you loved about me?"

"I don't love anything about you. I can't even stand being around you anymore."

"Oh so that's why you've been lying about being in New York still when you actually got home almost two weeks ago. Because of me?" I paused for a slight second wondering how he knew I had been home. I knew Kat would never tell him and she was the only one I had told. Then it hit me. Colby knew the producer of the music video I had appeared in. That's how he knew I was home and more importantly that's how he got his hands on the music video before it was officially released.

"You know what? You're right. You are the reason and what makes me sick is that you look almost proud of the fact that you pushed me so far away. You were my best friend!" I yelled. I didn't care anymore. I needed to let it out. The hurt, the frustration..."I made such a mistake in thinking sleeping with you wouldn't change anything between us. I thought I was strong enough to just hook up with you and not feel anything."

"I always told you I didn't want a relationship."

"Yeah you did. But you also made it impossible for me to be with anyone else. Every time I tried to walk away you let me believe that we could be more and I fell for it every single time."

"I'm sorry that I didn't feel that way about you." Colby mumbled looking to the floor as I couldn't hold back a laugh.

"You know, I really believed you didn't feel anything for me. You did such a good job pushing me away, saying all the right things to hurt me and boy did you hurt me." I paused for a moment. "But I see how you look at me or how you don't look at me, like right now. Because a part of you knows that you feel something for me and it terrifies you." I said confidently.

"You think you've got it all figured out huh? You don't know anything! I don't feel anything for you and I never did. You were just a good fuck...helped pass the time." Colby shrugged but I knew him better than that. Everything was starting to make sense now.

"That why you haven't been with anyone else since I left? Because they weren't as good a fuck as I was? Or was it just the fact that they actually weren't me Colby?" I asked finally letting his name escape my lips. His blue eyes widened as he pushed his body against mine. "You really think you're that fucking special?" I swallowed hard pushing my body right back on his, never taking my eyes off of his.

"Special enough for you to jerk off watching a video of me instead of just fucking someone else." I whispered as Colby stood in silence tensing his body.

"Yeah, I know things too Colby. So go ahead, down a few more glasses of jack and maybe you'll get drunk enough to find a girl who resembles me just a little bit because I promise you that is as close as you'll ever get to me again." I stated pushing him away and grabbing the door knob when I felt him grab my hand.

"You really must hate me." He muttered as I pulled my hand away. Why did his touch still set my skin on fire? I opened the door and leaned my head against the side looking at him one final time.

"No Colby, I just hate myself for still loving you" I admitted my eyes welling up with tears as I finally turned away from him and the toxic relationship that had cost me a friendship which had meant more to me than anything. 

I walked down the stairs in what felt like slow motion steps looking up when I heard my name being called.

"I was about to send a search party for you." Nate smiled taking my hand and guiding me down the last few steps of the stairs. I smiled at the boy standing before me wondering why I had always chosen Colby over him.

"Aww were you worried about me?" I teased wrapping my arms around his neck but I could sense a hesitation in his body language.

"I saw you go upstairs with Colby and I just assumed you guys were...hooking up." Nate frowned rubbing the back of his head.

"We weren't hooking up. We just needed to talk about some stuff." I reassured him with a smile.

Suddenly there was a loud crash upstairs in what sounded like a mirror smashing in to a thousand pieces.

"What the hell was that?" Sam shouted from the hallway as he began to run for the stairs. "Colby what the fuck happened dude?" I heard Sam yell from the top of the stairs. "Woah woah!" Sam yelled as Colby pushed his way down the stairs. I could see blood dripping from Colby's hand and it was all but confirmed that he had punched the mirror upstairs.

"Colby, you ok man?" Nate asked concerned as Colby paused to look directly at me. I said nothing. "Colby, what happened bro?" Nate spoke again as Colby finally broke his gaze from mine. "Like you give a shit "bro"." Colby spat heading for the front door and slamming it behind him. Sam stood in shock as Kat put her arm around him. "I should go after him." Sam spoke clearly upset by the sudden situation. "Babe, maybe leave him be for a while huh?" Kat suggested but Jake headed for the door and began to follow him ignoring everyone else.

"You wanna go after him?" Nate asked as I was still looking at the door. I was holding every inch of my body back from going with Jake to find Colby.

"N...no. I don't."

"I'm assuming the stuff you had to talk about didn't go so well?" Nate questioned as I frowned.

"No. Not really. But he's not my problem Nate. I'm right where I want to be." I said smiling at Nate who lifted my arms from around his neck and pulled away. I frowned seeing the look that was now firmly across his face.

"I can't."

"Can't what?" I asked as he shook his head.

"Can't be here, can't be with you." He said placing his hands on his head.

"Why not?"

"Because whatever is going on between you and Colby is way too complicated for me to get involved in."

"There's nothing going on between me and Colby!"

"I really want to believe that."

"Then believe it. Nate you know I like you."

"And you know I like you too. Christ! I've wanted you to like me for so long, to look at me the way you looked at Colby."

"But you're not Colby!" I smiled trying to cup his face.

"Exactly! And I never will be." He yelled letting out a sigh. Just then the door opened and Jake walked in with Colby in tow. Nate shook his head and laughed catching Colby's eyes move straight towards me again. He grabbed my hand and kissed it before he reached for his jacket and headed towards the open front door. He stood beside Colby and smiled pointing at me.

"You're his girl. Always have been. Always will be." He said as Colby and I looked at each other. "Maybe it's time you both just admit that your feelings for each other go way past hatred, friendship or fucking. Just figure it out before it completely fucks you both up." Nate said exiting the house as we stood in utter silence.

"I knew they were screwing!" Jake yelled excitedly breaking the silence between Colby and I as the rest of the trap house family remained in complete shock.

Looks like I was just as messed up as Colby after all.

[itisbop]

And now... the moment you've all been waiting for (or not, which is fine)! Let's talk Brawl Talk because OH BOY am I excited.

This is gonna be a pretty long post, so bear with me! I'll go over one section at a time and go over what I liked and disliked. Spoilers ahead! If you haven't watched the latest Brawl Talk, go do so! One more reminder, these are just my thoughts! You don't have to agree with me!

Without further to do... let's talk!

New Brawlers (Angelo and Melodie)

Now, when I first saw Angelo, I immediately went, "HE'S UGLY LMAO." After getting used to him, though, he's actually not that bad. His design is really good and is somewhat of an anti-cupid (perfect for a gal like Willow). Also, his voice actor did such a good job so much energy was put into him.

He doesn't seem like he's gonna be incredibly busted, but he is gonna be good in the right hands (while I'm at it pay your respects to Mortis Mains ya'll, they just took a major l with this guy). Sorry Larry and Lawrie, but you two are gonna have to step aside, I NEED this man as much as I need the next brawler.

I. LOVE. MELODIE!!! I did think she was a League of Legends character at first, lol.

Apparently, I've heard people say she is the first female assassin, which is very interesting! Out of the two, I feel she poses more of a threat. She might be broken, though her main attack is WEAK.

I've been through the Reddit and have seen so many people talk about how she looks like Janet, and I'd like to take the time to bring up a little theory... what if she was Janet and Bonnie's mom? I would go into this further, but we have to keep going!

Overall, I really like these two! Their designs are really good, and the character designers did a great job! Their pins and profile pictures show SO much personality! Expect some art of these two soon! However, if I may say something, I wish their skins were cooler. Why couldn't Angelo have a Sands of Time skin too? 😭

Speaking of Sands of Time...

Sands of Time and Ragnorok + Skins

Out of both seasons, I'm very hyped for Sands of Time. The "Sands of Time" is a very interesting concept that can be used very creatively. Can't wait to see what the animation brings! Though I think we all know why I'm hyped...

My best guest was that this skin was gonna be a Epic/Mythic skin, but a LEGENDARY?????? WHAT?????? Chuck fans we just fucking WON. I've seen the sneak peaks and heard his voice lines, Nicolai did an INCREDIBLE job as always. I'm am SO READY to go broke for this skin, but first, I must purchase some seasonal skins since they've been on my agenda for a while.

Loki Chester has to be the one I'm looking forward to getting the most for the Ragnorok seasons/skins. Plus, it's free! (If you have good luck).

Side note and honorable mention, Thor Bibi was just the icing on the cake for Bibi Mains this update. While I feel like a few more details could be added for this skin to make in truly "legendary," everything else about it great, including the voice acting! Poor Bull, he's the only one in his yet to get a Legendary Skin.

Ranked and The Report System

Okay, not related, but I love how they disses on the community a bit in this section, LOL. They know what, at least Reddit and Twitter are doing (and let's keep it that way, they don't need to know what's going on over here lol).

Anyways, while I'm excited (and scared) for Ranked with modifiers I wanna take this time to talk about a concern... the report system...

Now, I know there's a reason why we have 10 reports; but what's gonna stop so angry guy from reporting me if I didn't do anything? I feel like there's a chance this could backfire, that's all.

Hypercharges and Balance Changes

No Mortis or Poco hypercharge :(

Cordelius was definitely unexpected and very scary. Getting slowed in the shadow realm is a death sentence.

I wish Belle got a little more this update, but I'll take the hypercharge.

Move over Charlie, there's a new spider person in town, and he's a DINOSAUR.

Onto to balance changes. 84???? GOD DAMN. Adrien wasn't fucking around this update. Edgar is dead (and rightfully so FUCK HIM) and Doug might actually stand a chance in this Meta. I'll miss the days when Hypercharges were game breaking just for the community's rage, but it's probably for the greater good.

Whatever the Fuck the Random Skins Were

Now Primo Shark, I can take (though I'm definitely not gonna be able to take Baby Shark as a in game theme, I'm muting music for that entire time period). Pitcher Fang is a good skin too. Squeaky note is very... meh, but it's a rare skin so you can't expect much.

BUT POOP SPIKE.

POOP SPIKE.

What

the

FUCK?

It was tolerable until I saw the losing animation, and to that, I say EWWWWWWWWWW 🤮🤮🤮. WHYYYYY!?!?!? THAT'S SO NASTY!!!

I get that this is an April Fool's skin, but WHYYY THAT??? Thank GOD this skin is expensive. If I catch any of you with this skin, I'm gonna need to ask if you're okay. I don't wanna show a picture of this skin to you all, or else I'm pretty sure Tumblr would kick me to the curve. This is easily what I was least excited for for this update.

Overall Rating and Final Thoughts

Now, it's time to throw the final ratings on screen and say anything else that's on my mind.

New Brawlers - 9.5/10, definitely getting both! Let's hope they get some cool skins soon!

Sands of Time - 7/10, the concept and Chuck carry this season don't fight me on this. /j

Ragnorok - 6.5/10, I'm not as hyped, but I will grind for that Chester skin!

Ranked - 8/10, now I have a reason to actually play this mode. Hopefully, the report system is fair enough...

Hypercharges - 6.5/10, again not as hype, but I will be snatching that Belle Hypercharge since she's the only one out of the 6 I maxed out. She deserved more, though. :(

Balance Changes - 10/10, bye Edgar begone. F for the twins, however; I liked them.

Random Stuff - 3/10, not even Pitched Fang can save us from whatever the devs were on.

Overall Season 24/25 is...

8/10! (Poop Spike ruined it >:( )

And that's it. For those who have read to the end, thank you so much for heating me ramble it means so much. Expect some headcanons and more little theories soon (as in some time this week). Until then, ciao!

[governmentissuedclone]

6 years ago I dropped out of high school. I had a lot of fucked up shit going on in my life and it made finishing school just,, not an option. Abusive home, absent parents, severe mental health issues involving multiple suicide attempts that went completely unaddressed, working over 40 hours a week to help pay rent, parentification and being forced to take care of my sibling, taking drugs to cope, etc etc. How tf could I have been expected to balance a full high school workload on top of that??

It's not something I really tell people but it's not something I will lie about. There is a couple of people who know because it directly came up in conversation but most people in my life have no idea. When other people find out it always just sort of shifts the way they see me even if only a little bit. It doesn't matter that there was extenuating circumstances. It doesn't matter how much I can prove how smart I am. It doesn't matter that I have put a continued effort into continuing my education in the past 6 years in a self directed manner in an environment I can handle. It doesn't matter that my life is fine without out and that they and I are in the same boat.

The second you have the label "high school dropout" attached to you they will see you as slightly lesser. There will always be a part of their eyes that sees me as 'that dumb broad that couldn't even finish high school'. The world has decided that I am of an inherent lesser value because of it.

I'm fine! My life is fine! I have a stable job, my own apartment with my partner, friends and family and pets. But there is always this dark fucking cloud that hangs over my head and every survey or job application or anything that I apply for exists to remind me of it. I would give anything to never have it and to have just finished school the first time around but that's not the hand life dealt me. I want this stupid weight on me gone.

I haven't gone back sooner because it took time to get my life into a more stable position. I didn't want to start the process before I was ready because I knew I wouldn't be able to handle it.

I have been thinking about it a lot lately and realized that I'm kind of okay rn and I would like to work on tackling this and getting it done. I haven't told anyone, not even my partner, and I initially had no plans to until I had that fucking diploma because I can't bear the thought of fucking it up again and everyone knowing I failed twice at smth that came so easy for everybody else. I want to be able to put that dumb piece of paper on my wall so I could point at it and go "look! Look what I worked hard for for 17 fucking years! I earned that!!".

And I can. I can enroll and start an ABE course in January. There'd be shit to work out but I have the option now. I'm so fucking scared. I'm terrified. Now it's real instead of pipe dream and all of that buried school anxiety is rushing back into my head plus every adult anxiety and stress I deal with on a daily basis. I'm fighting every instinct in my body that's telling me to bail and run away and keep the status quo. But I want to do this. I have to do this. For me. I don't have anything I need to prove to anyone. But I need to prove it to myself. But I need to remind myself it's okay if I fail. It's okay if shit happens and gets all fucked up and I can't finish it. My life won't fall apart. I have to at least try.

If you read this far and are in a similar boat of being a lowly little drop out I just want you to know that it's okay. Realizing that life is different for everybody and some people do things later and that's okay and you're not a failure is a hard thing to accept and I struggle with it a lot still and probably always will. There's a bizarre value people place on things like this all "oh you have to complete X Life Goal by X time or you're a failure who will amount to nothing and die!!!" But they're wrong. Every day of my life is proof they're wrong. My life is fine and stable and happy. But it's so deeply ingrained in our culture and society that it's hard to ever move past it. I promise you'll be okay, just keep on chugging 👍.

[countrymusiclover]

Coded Letters

Gif by @antiqone

Part 5

"Dear Y/n, I miss you and I know for a fact you'd love to be here. Seeing the British planes fly into the sky. Sorry the envelope had Danny on it. I - know I can't address them to you. Because of you're father. I can't wait to see you again, I love you Rafe." I had to read it over again because this is the first time he's been able to send something. Folding the letter I put it inside my army jacket grabbing a pen and paper starting to write a response back to him. "Dear Rafe, I've started flying at night on my own since you've left. Thankfully I haven't got caught yet. My father has been teaching me how to lead my own unit of pilots for a few days. I hope you can return home soon, I love you Y/n." The office door opened and I slightly jump seeing its my father. "Who's the letter for honey?" I quickly closed it so he doesn't see Rafe's name. On the envelope I'd written Danny's name since he was okay getting all of our letters, plus the ones he writes to his best friend.

"It's for piolt Daniel Walker. He wanted me to send it to the office since he's busy with training today." Dad simply nodded reaching into his uniform pocket. He stepped up to the desk laying a gold badge designed to look like an airplane down in front of me. "Dad, what exactly is this?" He grins brightly tapping his fingers on the pin. "When I retire I'm assigning you to my ranking office as the Army's airforce captain." I nearly fell out of my chair at hearing him say it without hesitation. Women barely have any jobs right now. There's never been a woman in listed in the military. I've only been allowed here because my father is in charge around here. I never thought I'd get the feeling of excitement like I do about flying for anything else in my life. But knowing I'll be caption one day, flashes through my mind at rapid speed. "Dad I - I don't know what to say. How did you even get this approved." He stares down at me explaining as I get to my feet. "It wasn't easier babygirl. But I convinced management and if anyone has issues. They'll go to the president of USA."

Tackling him in a bear hug I squealed and he hugs me back with the same level of excitement. "Thank you dad. I'll make you proud one day I promise." He brushes hair behind my ear smiling down at me since he's taller than me. "I know you will, kiddo." Hours later I'm sitting outside the post office reading more of Rafe's letters he'd sent. It takes forever for letters to arrive from England to here. But everytime I received one it warms my heart to know he's still alive. I'm not sure if I could handle the idea of Rafe not being around anymore. Opening his most recent letter I snorted at him mentioning our first dance together where I wasn't very good at slow dancing. "Dear Y/n, One of my fellow pilots accidentally tripped on his pack and grabbed the wings plane to not lose his balance. Somehow during this time you flashed through my mind. The memory known as our first dance together as a secret couple. I want to be able to hold you in my arms like that again. Feeling you pressed up against me where you're afraid of falling the wrong way. I love you Y/n and the skies will keep us together always." Brushing hair from my face I can still see the moment playing in my head.

It has only been a week after Rafe protected me from that jerk piolt. Rafe could only wait a week before asking me to be his girlfriend, even though it's in secret. Danny and Evelyn were dancing the night away with the others. While I snuck Rafe up onto the roof of the bar so we could star gaze. I started to sit down in my light orange dress and flats but he holds out his hand offering another idea. "Care to dance, ma'am?" Placing my hand in his he slowly pulls me to my feet. His freehand rests on my waist and mine resting on his shoulder. One other hands intertwined together. The wind slowly blows around us and we can hear the music blaring from all the way up here. But it feels like it's just the two of us and there's no possibility of a war for one night.

"You're shaking why?" Rafe spoke up making me look into his brown eyes searching for why I'm nervous. Tilting my head to the side I lightly blushed at how silly this may sound. "I'm not very good at slow dancing. You're um - this is my first one." I wait for him to laugh at me and say something like how can a beautiful girl like you not have every guy asking to dance with you. "I'm suprised but also honored to be your first." Rafe smiles before I felt raindrops hit my head. Rafe doesn't seem to care as we kept moving our feet and bodies to the music without a care. Although shortly after the rains picked up and my feet slip out from under me.

I released a scream thinking I'm going to hit concrete but instead I feel muscular arms wrapped around my back. Shooting my gaze up I see Rafe's face is closer to me than I expected so I get a lump stuck in my throat. This is the first night he and I have been this close with each other. "You caught me, Rafe." I breathe out in shock hearing him chuckle a little. "I don't think it would've been right to let you fall." He helped me back onto my feet to stand and it's at that point I blurted something out. "Rafe what if there comes a day when you're not there but my side anymore. Not there to protect me or catch when I start to fall?" He wraps his arms around me laying my head onto his chest. "That won't ever happen, Y/n. I'm not going anywhere or leaving you anytime soon...I'm not going to die."

Heading out onto the front porch of my house I struggle to stay awake seeing Danny standing by his chair in the middle of our driveway. A letter in his hands with heavy tears in his eyes. "Danny, what's wrong it's the middle of the night?" I asked my boyfriend's best friend, wrapping my jacket tightly around me more for warmth. Danny can hardly get the words to leave his mouth and I can hardly breath when I hear them. "Y/n, I'm so sorry. Rafe is - Rafe is dead."

Comments really appreciated ❤️

[athena-is-a-chaotic-lil-shit]

Of Ice and Blood

Part 6

Part 6~ cuz I love y'all <3 don't forget to drink your vitamins and keep hydrated! Stay safe and healthy my loves :)

Word count: 3k+ words

Pairing: Tai'chi Kashharzol (Orc) x Pearl Blackbell (Human OC/Reader)

Warnings: None. (tis a fluff-filled chapter)

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5

* beware of little shifts in perspective from two characters, we will be jumping casually from their minds.

*

You caught the orc staring at you again, with a smile that made his tusks jut out more. "H-Hi!" you blurted out, waving.

As you began walking towards him, you found yourself losing balance, your legs giving out. You closed your eyes reflexively and expected to land face-first on the tiled floor.

Only you didn't.

You felt a strong arm around your waist and a large hand on your back, nearly covering the expanse of it. Instead of the floor, you found yourself smushed against something warm, and that thing, you figured out a second later, was Tai'chi's chest. You became flustered and felt your cheeks and ears redden. Your nose was practically inhaling his scent now, all that musky and rich smell of his making you light-headed. Stuttering, you pulled your head back.

"I-I-I— Ta-Tai'chi???"

Congratulations self, that was perfect, wow.

"Hm? Oh, uh, sorry. I acted on impulse when I saw you collapse." He said as the grip he had on you slackened and moved to hold your shoulder to support you in case you fall again, his other hand, though, remained in its place behind you.

"Don't w-worry about it. My legs just gave out, haha."

That came out awkwardly.

Damn, he is fast.

"Are you sure you're okay?" He asked, his words filled with genuine concern. Your ears were sporting a tinge of red, he noticed. Your scent also changed, signaling you were flustered.

"Ye-yep! We should uh, head back to class now. Oh! We haven't eaten anything for lunch." You said and as if on cue, your stomach grumbled to agree, followed by another grumble but louder, it wasn't yours but Tai'chi's.

The two of you laughed from the sounds they made.

"You're right. How about we go to the cafeteria first to grab something before we head back to our classroom?" He asked, smiling down at you.

"Great idea!" You agreed, a little too eager than you would've liked.

"We should get going then."

He straightened up and removed his hand from your shoulder when he was certain you wouldn't stumble again. Though, he let his hand on your back linger a bit longer even after you left the office.

**************************************

The trip to the cafeteria was peaceful, minus the sounds of muffled talking coming from the rooms. Tai'chi was beside you as you walked down the halls, thankful that your legs found their strength again.

Arriving at the significantly less crowded canteen, both of you went ahead and ordered some food before finding a place to eat. Spotting a vacant one a few tables from the main entrance, you trudged to it, Tai'chi following close. You sat down and got a clearer look at his tray.

It was a lot, though you expected it to be. There were more vegetables than meat though.

"Not a fan of meat?"

He looked at you and laughed, echoing through the whole cafeteria, which resulted in some students glancing in your direction.

You were a bit taken aback, not expecting that sort of reaction from him.

"I'm sorry. I just- I don't know why I found it funny. I meant no offense."

"None taken."

"To answer you, I'm a huge fan of meat, red meat to be exact. This was the only portion that's left when I asked for more. And I'm still growing so I made up for the lack of meat with the vegetables. We orcs love a healthy and hearty meal."

What he said made you smile even more.

"What about you?" He glanced at your tray to see a portion almost similar to his albeit more assorted. This made him look back up and you, flabbergasted. "You can eat all of that?"

You looked down to inspect your food choice, and you instantly felt self-conscious.

"I...Uhm yes. I can." You replied, albeit meekly.

Tai'chi noticed the sudden change in your voice and made himself clear; "No, no I didn't mean it like that. I'm just, well, as you already know I haven't met many humans aside from the ones in a village back home, so I was just surprised." Watching him explain himself made you smile again. The thought of you being repulsive vanished out into thin air.

"I eat a lot. Though sometimes I eat more junk than healthy food. Anyways, let's begin, shall we? We're already late and I'm starving!" Laughing, you both know today's attendance in class isn't much of an issue. They did say there won't be any lessons today to give time for 'socializing' instead.

You stopped in your tracks when you realized you haven't shown him your face ever since you met. You looked around to see if anyone was watching and stole glances at the one in front of you. You slowly removed your mask and revealed your face. Not many have seen you without it, only those who are close to you, specifically your family.

"I guess this is the first time you've seen my face, huh?" Nervous, you asked.

Tai'chi stared at you so intensely you felt self-conscious once again. "I-Is there something wrong?"

'Shit, does he find me unattractive? Weird? Not that I expected the opposite but —'

"No. No, there's nothing wrong. You-"

"I'm what?"

"You're beautiful."

'Did he just—'

Your face heated up again and this time you had no mask to hide it.

Hastily, you covered your face with one hand and looked away.

He was snapped out of his thoughts when you did, coughing into his fist before he started eating.

Once you cooled down, you did the same. Trying to focus on the savory food they served in the uni.

Eat, damn it.

You barely noticed the orc, or perhaps you chose not to, as you wolf down your food like you haven't eaten for weeks. Another thing he found admirable and attractive. You ate cleanly, not letting a single piece of food go to waste.

He'll have to find some time later to formally introduce himself, along with other...things.

***********************************

You leaned back on your chair, noticing Tai'chi doing the same, as you let the feeling of content wash over yourselves. The food was great! You made a note to thank the cook later.

You sat up after a moment and arranged your dirty utensils. You were against the thought of making the cafeteria's job of cleaning harder than it is. So you cleaned up, stacked plates properly in your tray with concentration, you didn't realize until later that you did the same to his dishes. You didn't spare a peek up into his eyes or else you'd make a fool out of yourself again. Taking a napkin, you wiped your mouth clean before you quickly put on your mask, much to Tai'chi's dismay.

You stood up but before you could walk away, a hand reached out to grab your arm, stopping you. He stood up from his seat.

"Pearl."

"Uh, yes?"

"There's still time before our next class starts. Would you mind taking a stroll around the campus with me?"

"Y-Yeah— sure. I wouldn't mind." You replied, avoiding his gaze.

The two of you strolled around the quiet grounds of the campus. There were trees, younger than the ones in the forest. You took in the nice scenery before you, feeling the fresh, cool air, the gentle rustling of leaves, calming, and the scent of your companion to your left, relaxing and sweet. You were in a daze, barely paying attention when Tai'chi said your name and stood still.

"Hmm?"

He chuckled lightly at your response.

"I want to continue where we left off in the forest."

"Oh. Oh, of course."

"I want to know more about you, Pearl. So I'll start with my true name." He knelt down which startled you momentarily.

.

"I am Tai'chi Kashharzol, eldest of five siblings, son of Durog and Gala. I come from the Northern stronghold of clan Fatof'san. Before I came down to the city, I was trained and taught basic socialization by an old human who lived in the village under our protection.

"I went through one of my clan's traditions and hunted down my first Snow Bear. The elders gave me an honorary title to carry, right after my kill."

You stood there listening to him earnestly as he told you all of this with pride, taking in each word and committing them into memory.

"I was given the name, 'Frostbreaker'. It is my warrior name." He took a breath before he asked. "Will you honor me of becoming my friend?"

All of this sounds like a confession— technically it is but there's something, intimate about it. The way his eyes shone with such determination and something you can't figure out.

Should I ask? He stopped talking, snap out of it–

"Oh, wow. I mean yes! Yes I'll be your friend. I'd be more than happy to. The honor is mine!"

You beamed as he returned a toothy grin.

"Right. I should also say something like that, well, uh, wait." You were slightly nervous as you removed your mask, offering a shy smile before speaking.

Breathe in.

And out.

"I am Pearl Blackbell, only child and daughter of Leon and Athena Blackbell. I'm from a town, West of here, Red Springs is its name. My parents taught me martial arts, and, uh, the use of self-defense weapons." You paused and showed him your crimson knuckles. "This is my favorite one to use, I'm sure you noticed already. My father... didn't want me to leave home without any assurance that I can defend myself. You were right when you said I have experience in combat. A decent amount of it," you sighed.

"I always, almost every day, get into trouble standing up for someone, bullied, or abused. I also held my own when someone tries to harass me, smashing their faces in."

Tai'chi in turn listened closely, his gaze intense on you. He was concerned about what you implied. Many attempted to assault you? How many times? Did they hurt you? Your smile faltered as you told him the next things about yourself.

"I... didn't have friends as I grew up. People tend to be afraid of what they do not understand, y'know? They didn't want me near them, finding me weird for wearing a mask, plus my reputation for punching humans didn't help," you laughed self-deprecatingly. "So I spent my whole high school years training, mastering my art with the help of my father, who was of course, very strict and hard on me." Finding nothing else comfortable to say at this stage, you went quiet.

"Can I ask you a question?" The orc said a moment later. He was bothered by the fact you had no friends, not even one. And training, training meant pain.

"Only if I can ask one in return." You replied, feeling bold all of a sudden. He grinned at this.

"Why do you always wear a mask?"

There was no trace of ulterior motive in his scent, not the usual annoyance you smelled every time someone asked the same question. So you answered him, honestly.

"Promise you won't get weirded out?"

"I swear on my name."

"Oh. oh, okay that's good. You see, my nose, or my sense of smell specifically, is err, not normal."

Now this made Tai'chi's eyes widen. Did you have an illness of sorts? Is your health in danger? Were you h–

"I can tell how someone is feeling based on the changes in their scent. My nose is very sensitive to odors so I keep wearing a mask every time I go outside. It has been like this since I was born. My doctors say it's rare for a human to possess, they say it's special, a gift from a higher being."

"When we went in the cafeteria after our first class, "—Tai'chi inserted— "Was the reason you stopped advancing inside further, the sour and disgusting smell of the students in there?"

"Yes, actually— Wait, how did you know?" you asked.

How does he know??? Did he just smirk?

"I can smell them too."

"You can?!"

"Yes."

"So you mean to tell me, my nose functions similarly like yours?"

"Yes, perhaps, a little bit differently. Or maybe it's because you didn't hone it."

"How can you say so?"

"I can block out certain smells if I want to. And based on your reaction early on, you're having a hard time doing so, is that right?"

"W-Well, yes. You're right. Usually, I'd wear a mask with a basic filtration device, but that doesn't work when I'm inside a closed space and the scents are all mixed up and concentrated."

Tai'chi nodded in reply. He began to stand up and you were met with his towering form once again. You took a step back so you can put less strain on your neck from looking up.

"You still owe me an answer to a question by the way."

"Go on and ask then."

"So, uh, is it just me or when you told me about you...it kind of felt different from how talking to a friend sounds like..." You fidgeted, a certain heat slowly creeps up your face again as you looked around not wanting to meet his gaze. You felt your heart rate increase as you noticed his scent change, telling you you were right.

Tai'chi sighed heavily and rubbed his temples before gathering the courage to talk.

"Yes, it was different."

"So..."

"We use that kind of formality, usually towards someone we want to court."

Did he say 'court'?!

"C-Court??" you squeaked. Pretty sure your face is redder than the color of your brass knuckles, your heart hammering in your chest you believed he could hear it.

"Courting, or dating, or whatever everyone calls it down here." Breathing in deeply, he returned to kneel before you and took your hands into his, large palms caressing your small ones.

"I'll have to rephrase my words."

He locked his gaze into yours, deep blue eyes to your mahogany ones.

"Will you allow me to court you, Pearl Blackbell?"

"W-Why would you want to court me?"

The hell would someone want to court me? I'm seen as a freak by most people and I'm not soft or girly like the others. I don't like skirts or dresses. I hate makeup. I have calloused hands, scars hidden under my clothes. I don't understand —

He gave you a soft smile, cutting off your train of self-deprecating thoughts. "I can hear your mind, Pearl. Don't think low of yourself. You are amazing, y'know that? The first time I saw your eyes, and the moment you fought for my sake, I knew I was smitten. You are graceful, each motion fluid and filled with strength, people would never expect you possess until they feel it through a punch you throw. You are kind, righteous, beautiful, strong, with a heart of gold. It is a shame how most people do not see it. I want to prove myself to you, and win your heart properly."

You were about to pass out from his confession when you remembered you need to respond! Gathering what courage and energy you have left, you answered.

"I...Oh my God... I don't know what to say— I've never experienced this, ever! I'm afraid I won't know what to do- what if I mess up? What if I—"

"Listen, liga ni..." He cut you off as he rubbed circles on your hands, that small shift of language sent his voice into a guttural one. "This is also a first for me, and I share your fears in this. But my wish to pursue you remains unwavered. I will try my best to woo you, and if I do something you didn't like, it is up to you to end the courting, any time you want, and I will stop immediately. I hope we would stay friends if it comes that..." He said as he broke eye contact and looked down.

"Tai'chi..." Seeing him sad like this made your chest twist in discomfort.

Steadying yourself, you studied him, his scent was pure, no malice within his words, he was speaking from his heart. With renewed confidence, you finally decided.

"Tai'chi Kashharzol...I wish to court you as well."

He snapped up his gaze back to you and saw you smile. He scented you just to make sure you weren't doing this out of pity. The moment he realized it was genuine he lifted you in the air and spun you around. You were surprised at the sudden outburst but laughed together with him once you got over it. He set you down after a while and moved his face close to yours but halted immediately when he saw your eyes widen.

"Too forward?" He asked.

"Y-Yeah." Your heart was doing backflips, even if that sounds so ridiculous.

He understood. "I apologize, I got carried away." But before he pulled back you pressed a quick kiss on his forehead. He almost purred from the gesture but suppressed it as not to scare you in any way. You were new to this after all. He cleared his throat and reached out a hand to you.

"We should head back, our class will start soon."

"O-okay." You moved to wear your mask again before taking his hand, enjoying the rest of the walk in silence. You were still nervous, but you decided to focus on the now.

I've never felt like this before... Is it a good thing? I think it is.

And with that on your mind, you let yourself relax.

*

A pair of cruel eyes witnessed the whole exchange, remaining unnoticed as he hid behind a tree, a good distance from where you stood. They watched you and the orc walk away before they went the other direction.

"She will be fun to break. A female, human Blackbell, tempting. This will be a great chance to demonstrate and prove how monstrous an orc could be." They snickered. "I will enjoy this, exceptionally."

"In time, Pearl. In time."

****************************************

Now now who is this suspicious person?!

Liga ni — means 'little one' (as an endearment) in Orcish

Tags: @crackinanutshell @kokokatsworld @mitchiesdungeon

[creepypastashavecomittedtaxfraud]

mind if i ask for some good soft stuff w Jeff and Toby? or Ben ! ...or EJ.........or Nina.... I'm sorry I will take literally anything I love ur hcs So Much and also Jeff needs more love uwu ((Gee Jeff how come u get to have so many bfs and a gf))

ILL DO SOME FOR EVERYONE!!! Jeff has50 billion partners we know this

this post got SUPER SUPER long i am so sorry everyonebut these r all like my favorite pairings ever SO…i wanna do them justice. under the cut because of the length!

Jeff x Toby

oh they just Love to mess with eachother and pull pranks on each other. toby especially loves to get at jeff withem. usually ends up making the other one just SO MAD

which then sometimes leads to playfighting .which then might lead to one of them getting pinned to the wall.which might end up in semi-angry makeouts .who knows hehe

parts-of-our-mouths-are-rotting-awaygang . toby likes kissing jeff a lil bit on his exposed teeth cus he thinksit’s funny. jeff acts annoyed by it but it makes him blush a little bit.

they both have the tendency to bekind of self destructive and just in general not doing basic self care stuff. sothey Try to keep a little bit of an eye on each other .they both hate to beover bearing but idk. they just care about each other a lot. And love eachother when they cant love themselves

toby and jeff both can be prettyemotionally explosive , so they try to keep each other as level headed aspossible. distracted and mentally ok so one of them doesn’t completely spiralout of control, though if that were to happen the other one will be there toget a hold of em.

The best way to calm either of themis grabbing a hold of them physically and holding their head in your arms untilthey chill out. Ungraceful maybe but effective and relatively easy.

they’re both pretty troubled, butthey’re trying to get it under control. They’re there for each other no matterwhat.

they like to go up to the humanworld late at night and fuck around. climb on stuff that shouldn’t be climbedon. play in fountains. vandalize shit. that’s date night for them. One day jeffgot ahold of some spray paint and they both went nuts with it, THAT was a goodday

Toby didn’t used to smoke till hemet jeff but now they’re both in it unfortunately aha..jeff kind of regretsgetting him into the habit but not much can be done about it now.

Since meeting Jeff toby’s definitelypicked up his kind of harsh sarcastic humor streak, and jeff’s actually gotten atiny bit nicer, though whether that’s of tobys influence or just the sideeffect of being in love is up for debate. So I guess there was a small exchangethere. They balance out nicely.

they both get beat up and injured alottt on the job, probably the most reckless ones of everyone. despite this,whenever the other one comes home all messed up the other one gets so freakedout and concerned, asking what happened and trying to take care of it. kind ofhypocritical but…they cant help it. 

they really really love each other.they wish they could both be healthier

Jeff x Ben

evenbefore they’re in a relationship they are Very close to each other. So whenthey actually get to dating, you know that’s solid. Nothing can tear themapart.

theywere very much, deeply in love with each other before ever admitting it . theyboth never wanted to say anything in case it ruined their close closefriendship but they both completely gave in eventually

they’rebest friends and best boyfriends at the same time. They’re each othersemotional and mental support. They love and care about each other so much, andare able to take care of each other so well because they so . deeply and intimatelyknow each other already. Yknow from being close for so long already. They reallydo trust each other with everything

it’slike they’re constantly together. They eat and sleep together, spend all daytogether, stay up all night together. It makes them happy, keeps them calm. The longest times they’re apart are when Jeff’s out killing or so injured he has to rest in his own room. 

Jeffhas his periods of really bad depression, and ben makes sure to be there forhim and take good care of him during these times. He’s very very calming andgentle and it keeps jeff calm and safe.

Ben,likewise, has long periods of bad depression too, which jeff helps himthrough. Takes care of him, keeps him distracted and comforted. Keeps himcompany.

Theyreally like to just hold each other and talk each other through things. Theyreally know how to communicate and what the other needs to hear and neverfeel lonely with the other around

Theylike to go out on the roof and smoke weed/cigarettes and kiss, sometimes they talksometimes they don’t. they could spend days alone with just each other.

They’ve known each other longer than they’ve known anyone else who lives there. that bond is special. and honestly, Jeff really is ben’s whole world. ben doesn’t know at all what he’d do without jeff. and jeff doesn’t know what he’d do without ben either. it feels like no one knows them like they know each other.

i guess the one little disconnect they have it ben doesn’t do the regular killing stuff like jeff does. doesn’t really get it. just stays home and does his own thing. sometimes he’s self conscious about it, like since he doesn’t do the same work as everyone else maybe he’s…weaker for it..or something. he doesn’t like to talk about it.

they’ve both been aloneand lonely for so long. Most of their lives really. So now that they have eachother they never ever want to let go

Jeff x EJ

Justas, a first things first, the moment ej sees jeff he already gets such a crushon him right away. It sounds so corny but he thinks jeff’s really the cutestguy he’s ever seen. A real love at first sight moment, even though hedefinitely doesn’t say anything about it at first.

EJ,also, is very much the caregiver type, and jeff desperately needs someone totake care of him, so they are really perfect for each other.

Jeffcan’t help but have a real soft spot for being taken care of , which ej is supposedto be doing for him anyway being the medic and all but still. Since ej’s been basicallyin love with jeff since forever he’s just so extra gentle and caring with himwhenever he’s hurt, it makes Jeff just melt…

I think ej’s very calm comforting level-headed logical personality is the main thing that makes jeff fall so hard for him. While he has other friends who try to help and support him ej actually seems to be the only one out of everyone who isn’t as badly effected by it. like he actually has the mental and emotional capabilities of supporting him. and slowly he just becomes so attached to and dependent on him, and he’s happy to love and support jeff

ej however has his really low points too, which jeff tries to help him through too. he holds ej in his arms and pets his hair or gently pats his back and listens to whatevers bothering him. which is all ej really needs. someone there with him. yknow

ej’svery casually affectionate, Jeff gets plenty of space if he wants but if they happento be around each other he loves to stand behind him and wrap his arms aroundhim, be close to him, touch his hair a little, run the back of his hand overhis cheek…really into light physical affection.

Couplevoted most likely to be caught making out in the closet randomly during the day

Ej isjust so completely in love with jeff, flaws and all, loves giving himattention, talking to him, taking care of him, giving him kisses. It is just embarrassinghow in love he is, even if he tries to only express it in private.

Jeffgets flustered and embarrassed easily with how sweet ej is to him, it stillgets him a little bit pink in the face even after being with him for so long, and tries to reciprocate it too. getting all cuddly and sweet with him when he feels the need to

Jeffloves bringing out ejs more outgoing social side. When they first met he wasvery reclusive and you know, loner-type, but jeff’s very outgoing andcenter-of-attention, so after some encouragement they’re both 100% party boystogether, which ej really needed. Being alone all the time was bad for him

Otherthan all that…They’re very strongly bonded and connected in a way they havetrouble describing. Ej just thinks jeff’s the most perfect man in the wholeworld , and Jeff thinks ej is just. perfect . so understanding and loving and caring and patient. he’s never met someone who puts up with his bullshit so well. and he is in Love

Jeff x Nina

Omg when nina finally gets to see him in person for the first time SHE IS SO EXCITED !!!! Runs up to him and gives him a huge hug, practically scooping him up off the ground !!!

He’s, very stunned at first, but gets his bearings back soon enough

After the initial rushed introduction, he learns why she’s here and he’s actually really flattered?

“You’re here??? For me??? you came all this way here to meet me???”

compliments really are the way to his heart lololol

and while he’s still kind of shocked from the whole thing….she is really cute….so that’s a plus

They spend a long time getting acquainted with each other, but nina naturally probably already knows a lot about him, which really just makes jeff more interested in her 

oh once they actually date for real nina is so happy!!! He’s everything she was hoping for and more!!! the guy of her dreams!!! he’s handsome and protective and cool but also sweet and caring and lets her cuddle up to him!!

Jeff has to come around to the idea first but once they’re dating for real he’s actually really happy too!!! She’s so energetic and sweet. its a much needed brightness to his life, he cant help but kind of fall in love with how affectionate she is. and how absolutely smitten she is with him

at the beginning she is very very clingy, goes everywhere with him,!! and he really does not object. honestly its a bit of an ego boost in addition to how much he really has accidentally fallen for her .

 but she does dial it down after a bit! she’s always just as sweet with him as ever though, as long as he allows it 

she’s actually a tiny bit taller than him, and uses that as an excuse to pick him up a little bit from time to time , which he protests, but she thinks its the cutest thing

she’s a very nurturing type girlfriend, she remembers all the stuff he has to do in a day and is checking in to remember if he’s done it. whenever he’s injured she insists on taking care of him

 EVERYONE notices after they start being together that he’s really cleaned himself up. like he showers regularly??? he’s started brushing his hair??? dressing?? semi-nicely??? he acts the same as ever, he’s just. cleaner. and everyone thinks she’s forcing him to be but actually he’s just started putting more effort in himself to impress his beautiful girlfriend, because he just reasons that she always puts so much care and effort into her appearance he should do, almost the same right?

[writingtipsandtricks]

Hi, you know the plot point structure of a novel? Where you have the two plot points, pinch points, midpot and climax? I think i've handled these points but i'm unsure of how to write my chapters to get to the plot points, and what to write in between major events (like the first plot point). I feel like if I write too much scenes based around battles or getting TO the plot point it'll be boring. Also, writing scenes like going to the park and eating ice cream seems pointless. How do I balance?

Hello! So basically it sounds like you’re looking to fill in the gaps in your story. 

Sometimes filler chapters are necessary. However, they don’t have to be pointless. 

Personally, my main goal for filler chapters is character development. If I decide to include something arbitrarily pointless, it’s because, before the next plot point, my character needs to learn something they’re going to need to know before they jump through the next hoop that I’ve placed. 

Continuing with the ice cream in the park example you gave, your first thought should be: what do they need to learn? If they need to learn something about someone else they know that is vital to the next plot point, why not have it in the park with ice cream? It gives you a clear setting that almost everyone can relate to, plus, it’s cute.

So, in my mind, this scenario is in a romance piece. (Bear with me, I write fantasy mostly and this is going to be cheesy as heck and probably weird cause I’m me…) 

Let’s imagine our heroine lives near the park and every Saturday, she goes there with one of her friends to eat ice cream while they gossip and talk about their lives. 

Recently, at work, the heroine has been really irritated with the New Guy™️ because he’s such a suck up with the boss and he’s acting like he wants her job. She’s feeling insecure about this and resents him because he IS really good at what he does. (So is she, but remember, she’s insecure.) 

She’s enjoying a pistachio ice cream cone and complaining to her best friend about this dude, who is listening sympathetically when New Guy™️ walks by, also with an ice cream cone. It’s chocolate for no reason. She points him out to her friend and they watch him while she rants about him under her breath. 

They see a child, clearly, from a lower income family, drop their ice cream cone. cue the waterworks. His mother clearly can’t afford to buy him another one and looks distraught. Our heroine watches in shock as New Guy™️ sees this as well and goes to buy the kid a new ice cream cone and is really cute and friendly about doing it toward both the child and mother. 

An innocuous enough of a scene, but what did our character learn? That New Guy™️ is compassionate and generous? That her initial perception of him as a selfish, ladder climbing jerk was perhaps wrong? This can set us up for a confrontation scene between the two in the future where she makes accusations out of frustration, maybe after he gets a promotion? If New Guy™️ handles it well, is kind and confused about her vitriol, blah blah blah, she can reflect on that later, which may lead to an apology and voila! He asks her out to dinner. They date. Some more stuff happens, probably a fall out at some point, the get back together and then live happily ever after. All because of eating ice cream in the park. (Probably some other stuff, but hey, it can be a contributing factor at the very least.)

So the whole point of that long, drawn-out explanation was that a scene or chapter is only pointless if there’s no character development, the plot bus isn’t pushed forward in some way or that the reader learns nothing about the characters. 

Something to try to exercise this could be to rp with a fellow writer friend where you put your characters in random and potentially hilarious situations and figure out how they react. Or if you are a solitary writer (Shameless Discord Server Promotion Goes Here), you can do this on your own. As I just did. Probably with more thought and fewer cliches. This will go a long way in making sure ANY of your chapters always have a point. 

Sorry that this is so long, but I sincerely hope this was helpful.

-Amanda

*edited to actually add the Discord link. 

[t1dlikeme]

Sofie's Story

“When you recognize that failing doesn’t make you a failure, you give yourself permission to try all sorts of things.” ~ Lauren Fleshman, is one of my favorite quotes, and something to remind myself in terms of diabetes management, training, and life! 

Diagnosis 

As a shy high school multi-sport athlete (track, soccer, and skiing) in Albuquerque, NM, I was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes at age 16. I went from 2nd in state in the 800 my Sophomore year, to struggling to staying awake in class as a 4.0 student and barely making it through practices and workouts. With no history or knowledge of T1D in my family, we didn’t recognize the symptoms—I had a head-to-toe rash after swimming in waterfalls in Hawaii (may have triggered it) followed by months of losing weight despite eating jars of peanut butter and food each week just to keep energy—which my doctor at first thought “she’s a growing athlete” but we got bloodwork anyways. A week later, after yet another frustrating track meet, I was in the hospital with a blood sugar of 586, and was pumped to finally figure it out (until about 3 hours later when I remember eating a pear and seeing my blood sugar skyrocket, I burst into tears realizing how much of a change it would be!) 

Fast Forward…A Few Years 

After basically wanting to forget about high school (hiding in the bathroom to take shots, self-conscious and developed anxiety about weight gain post-diagnosis and just wanting to fit in), I needed something different. Although being a perfectionist and being shy / hiding from others gave me time to master my A1C early, it wasn’t sustainable and I internalized it all—until I got to college. 2000 miles from home, I chose Marquette 1) for the biomedical engineering program, and 2) for receiving a D1 Soccer Scholarship as a goalkeeper, but what I didn’t realize, is it would teach me to open up about my diagnosis and become a better athlete and advocate. I confided in my athletic trainer, who helped me with check-ins during practice (which could sometimes go 1-2 hours over the scheduled time!), and realizing we needed about ½ cup of gatorade + water every hour, supplemented with pedialyte during preseason. It was nice having my trainer, since I could get around going straight to the coaches (at first I didn’t want it to be seen as a weakness!) and she could carry around my gear for me, if needed.  

While goalkeeping allowed for easier access to management during games, practices, etc. I continued to find myself gravitating towards running, strength, and conditioning. My senior year, I began to go for runs while we were on away trips and started to become hooked—I found new ways to manage my BG’s and low intensity running basically was ‘insulin in my back pocket.! After finishing my collegiate soccer career, I joined the ‘Run with the President’ running group at Marquette with Dr. Michael Lovell (our MU President). It was around this time that another faculty member, John Klika, took me to coffee and was fascinated by my thesis research of designing a lifestyle computer algorithm and model to predict glucose and hormonal levels based on activity, stress, diet, etc. It turns out he was Type 1 himself—and a multi-ironman athlete.  

With a newfound confidence and support group, I gradually built my mileage and learned so many things from John about management, who also joined the running group and convinced me to run my first half marathon. It went really well—until, the group said next step: “the marathon.” I was like absolutely no way, I came from sprints up and down the field and have Type 1 Diabetes—I'm not sure I’m ready for that!  But, I’m not one to step down from the challenge, and I had the group helping me through the whole way. I remember my first 18-miler—5 miles from the end, I couldn’t run more than 5 steps as I couldn’t keep my blood sugar up, even with having the proper supplies, and I was just defeated. My body wasn’t used to this, having to rely primarily on glucose as fuel, instead of an intensity and fuel mix. But, I kept going—my track workouts got faster, and my next long run, 20 miles, no stopping! (It’s also important to note that I was also doing some triathlon training too, which helped keep a balance).  

I was ready and excited. Dexcom in my shorts pocket, 3 gels and gummy bears (of course), and friends cheering every step of the way! It couldn’t have been more perfect—flat line BG’s, fuel every 45 min to steady, the adrenaline rush at the 22-mile mark (the furthest I’d ever run in my life!), all propelling me to a 3rd place finish in 2:52. That was one of the best beers, post-race, I’d ever had in my life. This finish created numerous opportunities for me, including becoming a founding member of Diabetes Sports Project, JDRF Keynote talks, and more training—I wanted to try and qualify for Olympic Marathon Trials (2:45).  Unfortunately, along with these positives, came a very long string (~2-3 years) of off and on injuries—I walked 13 miles of the Boston Marathon in 2017 with a tibial stress fracture, the first of a few, and just could not catch a break. These times had a lot of lows, but taught me the resilience of having other outlets, support communities, and managing my diabetes without the ability to exercise all the time (I had started to rely on this as a form of natural ‘insulin’ all through college and into running).  

Looking back, these years of ups-and-downs were crucial to my development of outreach and community, my career, and finding the right balance of strength and running to stay healthy (turns out, soccer weight training had a lot to do with my injury free 25 years of my life!). I like to call this time falling not failing, something my therapist came up with (yes, I was seeing one, for anxiety and some low grade depression, which is something I will talk about now, since I think it is incredibly important that if you have any of these feelings, especially as a T1D, you are not alone!).  I took a job as a medical device engineer at Dexcom and moved to San Diego, CA, acting as a liaison between clinical, regulatory, quality, design and systems engineers, which was the perfect place for me as a T1D! I started the Dexcom Running Club, and from that, have some of the fondest memories. San Diego is also where I joined Prado Racing Team (PRT), and found my coach, Paul Wellman, who I still work with today.  PRT helped me find the love of running again, and I PR’d in every distance while training with them, and having a lot of fun doing so!  

My time in San Diego culminated with making an attempt at running an Olympic Trials qualifying time at CIM 2019, which I just missed in 2:49. It was such an incredible experience, however, even with missing my goal—3-minute PR, running with teammates, HEALTHY and injury-free for an entire training period, and friendships. I did have a diabetes learning experience, though, which I will take forward with future races—not all nuun is ‘carb-free’! It was on the course, and I assumed it was the zero-carbs flavor, so I took it at almost every aide station, causing me to sharply rise at about Mile 11 (especially coupled with adrenaline), which unfortunately caused some cramping around Mile 15 and slowed me off my 2:43 pace. Luckily, I was able to power through, and I will be more prepared next time.  

Current:  

I have recently moved back to Albuquerque, NM, where I grew up.  After looking for an opportunity to grow my career and move into management, this was the right move for me, and is now allowing me to explore altitude training and new heights, literally and figuratively! My family is still here, and with COVID, it has been nice to be close (and living with my boyfriend, Steve). While I am not training for any races in particular, I’m making attempts at a sub 5:00 mile (currently at 5:05 at altitude) as a ‘mini’ goal, and just trying to enjoy the simplicities of running! I am getting back into the volunteering scene, particularly with my non-profit, Diabetes Sports Project, and of course, JDRF.  

Some Tips, Tricks, and Life Lessons! 

Always be prepared—gummy bears in my sports bra are my favorite! I’ve learned many lessons along the way, including one of my first solo long run experiences with a low blood sugar and having to ask gas stations for a Gatorade that I would come back and pay for later (not my finest moment, but turns out, people can be very helpful!). Always carry a card or cash and know your numbers. Plus, some great times of having snacks on hand: my running buddies favorite line is “Hey Sof! How’s your BG?” “Great!! Why?” “Can I have some of your snacks….).” They need it too, and are thankful for it when they bonk! 

Train with people who know you at your best and at your worst, and your symptoms—those are the ones that can push you through tough workouts to the end when you don’t think you can run one more rep or mile, or can more importantly, tell you when you need a break and to take a step back. It’s often trial and error in knowing what intensities affect your blood sugar the most, but with a community, you can’t fail—you learn. As unpredictable as it is sometimes, Type 1 actually can give you an athletic edge. You have to know what your blood sugar is at all times, and how your body is feeling. No one else has to do that! 

Sofie Schunk