#I'm learning a lot about myself writing

[sysig]

Greetings, human! ♥ (Patreon)

[meownotgood]

chapter one word count = 34k, chapter two word count = 36k

that means finally, 70k word count in total 🫡

[afniel]

Realizing that I went and wrote a bunch of intentionally aro relationships and my partner was like, "Idk, it seemed like normal relationships to me," and I was like, "I mean yeah it's not that different from ours, I guess, I was kind of going for 45° off from 'normal' romance," and they're like, "Okay, but ours is also pretty much like that," and I'm like, "Yeah, true," and now I'm like, damn hold up, are we both some kinda arospec and THIS is how we figure it out? Because I wrote a long-ass fic about intentionally queer-coded (among other things) robots? Life is weird, man.

Like I've been prone to extreme long-term crushes on a very few (mostly unattainable) people over the years, but I wouldn't have known what to do with them even if they worked out, and cough my ex was not even one of them. I just kind of assumed I was failing to feel a thing I was totally supposed to feel, there, and quite a lot of that relationship emotionally was me going, "Okay, I care like This, but I think I'm supposed to care like That? I'm pretty sure he cares That way. I'm not sure I do, but I mean, there's really only one way*, so maybe I'm just misreading this and actually I do care like That, I'm just bad at it."

*This was me being very incorrect, it turns out. There's all kinds of ways to love someone. It's a very inadequate and nonspecific word.

When I confessed my feelings (which I'd been sitting on for a year) to my partner, their reaction wasn't to be particularly romantic about it. In fact they told me they'd help me move to California if I wanted to. And after I got over my initial confusion of being kissed on the forehead (which is also not super romantic as a gesture and I couldn't decide how to even read that so I kinda skipped over even trying for a while), I was thinking, Awesome, that is a yes. They have promised to assist me with difficult stuff, and said nothing at all about emotions, because that's not a big deal anyway. The important thing is that I can rely on them and vice versa. Cool. We are basically together forever now. Which ended up being true. I just never moved out and now it's like 13 years later, go figure. But that's not what I think actually passes for reciprocating feelings for most people? Worked great for me though.

Anyway I feel like I have accidentally learned something about myself, lol. I guess romance is okay I guess, like it's not repulsive, but seriously, it's WAY more satisfying to me to guess someone else's Quiplash answer because you know they know you would think it's fucking funny, and you do, and because you think it's funny and you're well aware they know your type of humor and you know theirs and that you wouldn't expect them to use "cum" as an answer because that's not usually how they roll, so of course that is the only answer they can possibly give, which is instantly evident to both of you with no conversation whatsoever on the topic. When you got just one brain cell and it's quantum entangled with their just one brain cell so you have a lot of null discussions where nobody has to say anything but it's fully understood anyway, that's The Dream, if you ask me. And like I don't really think that's romantic by the usual definition. You can have that with friends and family, too. But that is what it turns out I prioritize in relationships, which I'm starting to feel like isn't what the majority of people are here for?

TFW it's hard to tell because I've been assuming I'm totally alloromantic so everything I experience must be typical totally alloromantic stuff too, but I'm starting to think it isn't maybe? But how do I even tell, this is like being colorblind, lmao.

[goldkirk]

as I'm going back over my past history and items and journals and years, I come across all sorts of things, like the pencil I saved from that so-precious memory from second grade, and a pair of flip flops I've been missing for two years, and [checks notes] the modern-high-school-AU-kidnapped-by-a-serial-killer story I wrote in late high school jdfsjdfsjkjlksfd

[boxwinebaddie]

an uncle nina check in <3

hi team! thanks for sticking around! i know my blog isn't always the most exciting and enriching place in the world in terms of content, but i am very /content/ to have you all here. <3333

i promise, oddly enough, i have A TON of inspiration and ideas for all my weird styles ( if you're curious about anything please lmk! i've been trying to flesh out my aus out lately ), i've just been in a major bummer depression era lately, so it's hard for me to get my asks done and i'm having a hard time committing to finishing my writing. :<

i think it's because of stress and my bipolar, but i am trying to get back on the horse! ( are we all laughing at the idea of me trying to get on a horse? i'd start crying help city girl fail moment for me ) yeehaw!

and while, unfortunately due to the instability ( fabulous legendary iconery ) of my pretty girl popstar personality, i do not know whether i will be answering almost no questions or one million, regardless of that, i just wanted to let you know, i'm still here, still kicking my feet, twirling my hair, cooking...i'm just really trying not to force myself to put out anything i don't like...and only do what makes me truly happy.

however, nothing, my dear sweet e-darlings...

makes me happier than coming home to all of you. <333

so thank you for flooding even the darkest corners of my life with bright light, supporting my phantom fics and being wonderful,

uncle nina xx

[a-darling-thing]

So, I finally got back to the point in Act III where Astarion broke up with my Tav in my first playthrough (I missed the drow at Moonrise, and didn't do enough long rests, either, so missed his confession in Act II, and I finally realized that I had to slow down, explore more and rest more), and wow, what a lovely experience I'm having with this relationship.

I'm not sure if it's made some sort of difference that I have had very high approval since Act I, got the post-drow confession and/or that I chose the 'we can have this relationship without sex for now if you like' option during the post-drow confession, but having an Astarion who trusts and feels so safe with your tav this much, is a treat. He's incredibly sweet. His masks are up less. And he's even sort of transparently vulnerable at times.

I mean he's still a disaster when it comes to his insistence that the only way he can be safe and free is to gain as much power as possible, consequences to himself and others be damned, but like he is open to my tav's urgings to the contrary (even if he still refuses to agree wholly), and even gives her approval when she is kind to strangers sometimes, which is just wild to me.

I'm so glad I chose him as my romance-able character the first time through the game. The whole experience has been REALLY challenging, but also really rewarding (and honestly somewhat healing), and I'm not even all the way done yet (just getting into Act III proper).

I've been sort of spoiled for a lot of the stuff coming up, but that's okay. I still get surprised, and I'm having an amazing time!

[deadn30n]

i haven't abandoned this blog or anything, sorry for the unannounced disappearance!

lately i was struggling to really find the energy to sit down and write, && decided since i couldn't, i'd just throw my attention into other things and take a lil break. so i've been playing video games, hanging out with friends, and focusing writing the smaller, less stressful stuff on discord && it helped a lot.

plus, i picked back up learning Japanese & Chinese, as well i'm learning how to draw like i've always wanted. i'm also putting a lot of energy into my waning health; it finally feels like i'm getting somewhere with it too.

basically i've just been focusing on other stuff, doing things that make me happy and it's slowly brought me out of that weird, creative rut i was in.

i should be back to writing starting next week!

miss u guys ♥ i'm available on discord if you wanna chat / plot!

&& if anyone's curious, i've further upgraded my gamer room and i'm healing my inner child. when i tell you the amount of sheer joy i've had since acquiring all this stuff, and how much happier it's made me....

got my taxes back yesterday and added the ps2 to my collection. i now have two devices that are backwards compatible w/ playing ps1 games hehe. yes i did buy a bunch of crash bandicoot games bc inner kid me missed those terrible ps2 & ps1 graphics LMAO

[mortellanarts]

2023 go bye bye

[pyrriax]

ANYWHO goodnight tumblr i'll be back on the art grind tomorrow i think 🙏

[emmenai-kalliston]

Happy with my crochet today because I had the most work done on my ongoing project (a scarf for my long distance best friend) in percentage since I started :) I'm becoming faster and more precise wooh

[enjomo-arch]

happy ramble in tags

[wytchsbrew]

Happy One Year Anniversary to the Thing That Changed My Life.

Writing Starfall has been the single best experience of my entire life. I've had dreams come true doing this, met amazing people who really enjoyed the story, and saw fanart of my ideas for the first time. All this came at a point in my life where I was at the lowest I had ever been, and this single piece of writing, this experience, kept me going, and kept me alive.

This single piece of writing made me realize I am really a writer, the thing I dreamed of being my entire life, and made me believe I can write everything I want, anything I want, made me expand my horizons and no longer fear people reading my work.

Though things have changed in the last year, and the faithful readers have dropped to just a few, I'm still in it for the long haul, Starfall, and I can't wait to see you until the end. I can deeply and very much say Starfall and GLTAS changed my life for the better, and I owe them so much.

If you talk to me about Starfall, if you have stuck in there this long, if you are still a fan, just know, I love you, and I would not be here if it weren't for you guys helping me push through in the beginning. You guys are flat out fucking AMAZING, and I love every single one of you into the depths of my soul, new readers and older readers, those that stuck around, and those that left.

I owe you, and Starfall, everything.

[01tsubomi]

i'm taking the jlpt this sunday and had a stress dream last night abt it bc it sort of snuck up on me and now it's kind of a question of how much my actual japanese abilities will carry me (versus if i should've been cramming on flashcards this past month) but the listening portion is far simpler conversation than my coworkers and i have so. i think that maybe instead of "damn i should've been studying japanese" my perspective should just be "i speak japanese"

[cloud-somersault]

i was working on chapter 5 and almost started crying????

[tokyoteddywolf]

22 isn't very much at all, I think.

[ghwosty]

sometimes i miss how i engaged with my interests before i started being more online, there was a purity and authenticity to it