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#I'm not completely done with my projects for the year but I'm close.
kirby-the-gorb · 2 years
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sysig · 10 months
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I'm almost finished with this notebook with it's horrible paper, and I just finished the first page of my Big Project
#Oh yeah - it's all coming together#Hgggg I am so sick of this notebook! It's wack as fuck!#It has made editing a Chore for the past eight months >:0 Not fun or meditative At All#Even worse is that the paper feels good to draw on but the cleanup is just! Awful!#I've just been completely ignoring my non-lined homemade notebook because it feels bad to draw on lol#The rest of the doodles for this year - yes that's how far the queue is backlogged rn lol - are still on that paper#But at least I'm like ><this close to being done with it ugh#I've got two blank pages and then like three half-doodled on pages that I'm planning to just knock out#It looks so weird 'cause the pages are all out of order lol - the first page was in March and the last in November#But like the next page after the first is /also/ November lol#Like it's largely in chronological order but it jumps around quite a lot! It was an interesting experiment#I also think it's funny since the first page got some fandom stuff that didn't come back around until now but it Looks chronological lol#I think I'll do it again but with some modifications - if I run out of steam/interest/motivation then I can fill it in however I want#Keeping it on-theme is fun but I find myself pushing ideas when I don't actually have any :P That's no good#It's not Always bad - I like quite a few of my spacefiller ideas! But if anything that just proves that finishing things out to make room-#Well like I said it was fun lol#And! As stated! I finished the first page of my big behind-the-scenes project! >:3c#Man I haven't worked on a comic proper-like in uhhhhh#It's gotta be at least five years lol geez#It's been a weird rhythm to try to fall into lol I'm Way out of practice - but it's nice to see it come together!#Lotta steps to get it into the shape I want - hard to sustain - but slowly and surely I've got this one :)#It'll be good to finally have it Out haha
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magentagalaxies · 2 years
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idk why my brain decided folding laundry while listening to rollercoaster by bleachers at 11:26pm was the perfect conditions to finally process the fact that other girls is going to be finished in less than three weeks but im genuinely gonna lay motionless on the floor letting all these feelings wash over me rn????
#i'm just. no one will ever be able to comprehend how much this show truly means to me#even *i* can barely comprehend how much this show means to me#i keep trying to put it into words. the show itself is me trying to put that feeling into words#but it always sounds like hyperbole when i say other girls is the most important thing i have ever done and may ever do#most of my audience is only seeing the final 1% of what this project has been for me#and that's the part people should see bc it's the finished product#but also like. this is the same show i thought was going to genuinely kill me when i was eighteen#i worked on this for three years because every time i got close to completing it something took it away#and i realized it's more empowering to remake it on my own terms than give up on it even when it hurts#this show has seen me through my school almost being shut down. my first major depressive episode (and my whole recovery process!)#and that's not even to mention having to cut off multiple toxic friendships with the very first cast i had in 2020#when i got into my dream school senior year all i felt was anxious because i thought other girls was never going to happen#and i thought that meant i would never make it as a comedian (don't ask me how that works depression makes you believe weird things)#and in the years since i've found my way at this school and realized my worth as a human being doesn't depend on other girls#and that other girls belongs to me and not the other way around#and i was able to take this source of shame. this perceived failure#and turn it into a production far bigger than i could've imagined back in 2019#it gave me a chance to connect with a cast and crew full of some of the most incredible people i've ever met#and most importantly i'm able to make the show i wish i could've seen when i was young and alone#other girls is just a love letter to my younger self. like even though i know you can't hear me i just want to tell you you'll be okay#anyway side note i'm gonna get to talk to paul bellini again tomorrow#SPECIFICALLY because he said he wanted to talk to me before other girls is out bc he thinks it's really cool and wants to hear more#and he asked me to send him the video as soon as it's up#so year other girls is honestly the wildest ride i've ever been on. going from crying in my room at 3 a.m. over hating the ending#to chatting about the production in less than 3 weeks with one of my comedy heroes#nothing is ever going to top this
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sorobochi-eng-archive · 3 months
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Memory of No.----- has now been completed.
Below are the last four chapters of the comic.
Chapter 31-32 (⚠ Warning for gore)
Chapter 32.5
Chapter 33
Chapter 34 (ENDING)
Story and artwork by sorobochi English translation by rassicas and trisloshr Typesetting by merrodi SFX Redraws by roachgore
We received permission from sorobochi-san to translate this splatoon fan comic. Please look through this blog if you want to read the earlier chapters. Out of respect to the original author, please do not repost any part of this comic.
There's also really awesome ending art for chapter 34 that will be released later.
Thank you for reading.
This multi-year team project has finally come to a close. I wanted to get everything done by the anniversary that sorobochi wrote their last letter, so I'm really happy that everything came into place. (past the last chapter credit art)
Special thank you to the team: Rassicas, Trisloshr and Roachgore, who go above and beyond in the quality of their work. They've been extremely receptive to my demands and without them this translation could not have been possible. And of course a thank you to you, the readers, for your unending support.
Since we first decided to start translating this manga, there's so much I've learned and such cool people I've been able to meet because of it. It's been a wonderful, terrific ride.
We still intend on translating more Sorobochi stuff in the future - I'll be getting to older chapters to update its quality. There's a cool Agent 4 comic I'm intent on typesetting. So keep an eye out. And get your friends to read this comic now that it's finished.
Okay, bye now.
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empty-movement · 21 days
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GOGAI, GOGAI!!! COME GET UTENA KIBBLES
It's September 3rd. It's 1997. Princess Diana just died, and that's very important to lots of people. You, however, are chewing your nails to nubs waiting for the climax of Revolutionary Girl Utena's Black Rose Saga. It's going to air today.
But like any good fan, you're already one step ahead, because you've spent the last couple days thumbing through Animedia's September issue supplemental, the 100 page Duelist Bible. Strangely, it appears to be in English??? Wow! Thanks Nagumo for translating, Ayu Ohseki for Japanese editing, teasot for proofreading, and ME, FUCKIN' VANNA, for scanning and scanlating this massive booklet!
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We've got duel summaries! We've got character design sheets! We've got a school directory! We've got THE DUEL RULES. We've got cast interviews! WE'VE GOT THAT CHU-CHU DOLL CRAFT GUIDE. Check it ALL out here, in the Something Eternal Bibliothèque! You can flip through it page by page here, or you'll also find on the page a link to a PDF version for your at home viewing/archiving needs!!
This gargantuan tome really gets it across that in 1997, you didn't have a fandom wiki or on demand viewing. If you didn't catch and record the episodes, a booklet like this becomes a critical tool for keeping track of everything that's happened up to now, and is also a way for the series creators to tap fans on the shoulder and draw attention to details they want seen but not explained in the show directly. For example, this drops at the close of the BRS, but points out Touga's sword isn't the same in Keiko's duel and in the opening sequence. A thing we don't see cashed in until MUCH later!
This has been a true and absurd labor of love on my part. I even rescanned the booklet from my originals because their quality (decades old lmao) was not worth scanlating. This took a ludicrous amount of time, and has been a main project of mine for over a year now!! I'm so happy to have gotten it done in time for the Something Eternal Watch-Along thread, and I really really hope everyone finds something cool and interesting about it! The really cool thing is this now completes the set of magazine supplementals by the big three magazines made for Utena during its run. We now have fully scanlated this, as well as Animage's June Utena Dossier, and Newtype's November Utena? (Oh My!) UTENA! Take a stroll through memory lane, be they yours or someone else's!
As always, if you like this kind of content, consider supporting us on Patreon! Especially right now, a holy grail acquisition is in the works that I will bleed to share with y'all. More on that later, lmao.
Revolutionize the World! Love, Vanna
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ashtxrie · 3 months
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submitted 11:59 pm
— alternatively, enhypen maknaes as your typical high school crush!
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PAIR. high school! enhypen maknaes x gn!reader (rest under cut) GENRE. fluff, high school au, bullet points WORD COUNT. 1.8k total HYUNG LINE VER.
김선우 — kim sunoo
candy hearts, spotify playlists, good morning texts, easy laughter, crescent smiles
in high school, sunoo's known as being super friendly and sociable
and because of that, he has a ton of friends
like he basically knows everyone
you and sunoo have definitely talked before, and you may have had a teensy tiny crush on him from your... downward of five interactions
he's kind of like your hallway crush!
however, you DON'T know that he has had a crush on you for FOREVER
like a MASSIVE one! SINCE MIDDLE SCHOOL
and his friends are SICK AND TIRED of hearing about it
man's dedicated because he really saw you in every single one of your phases and STILL decides to like you. he's a real one
he's so whipped like he's hitting up the group chat (named "en- gang" by riki btw) at 1 in the morning being like
"GUESS WHAT?!!! she smiled at me today ☺️ i forgot to tell you all"
everyone is so done
"did you talk to her though"
"NO. i'm getting there"
"all you did was make eye contact for the past month be srs rn"
so one day jay and jungwon (your mutual friends), who were in the same english class as you both, were feeling DEVIOUS
it was the fall semester final project, and it was supposed to be worked on in teams of 2 to 3
"bro you are NOT working on it with us the love of your life is literally RIGHT there"
jay and jungwon took matters into their own hands and forcefully excluded sunoo ("you guys are so fake")
so now, with no other option, he had to approach you!
"do you have a group already? if not, we could work together?"
wait wtf he didn't say that
hey....
it was YOU???
you approached him first??? he was SHOCKED
tried to play it cool but his smile gave away how happy he was
"yes!!!! let's work together!!!!! :)"
the project actually went so well he has literally never been happier typing away on that document every night
updates the group chat periodically too
"when we were working on the google doc at 2 am in the morning our cursors went over each other’s & it was like we were holding hands :>>"
"how do i unsubscribe"
"you're just mad because you've never been in love <333"
secretly sunoo's thanking his friends though because now you guys are basically close friends!
while doing the project together you started talking about school, friends, life, and everything in between
talking with you just seemed so natural, and sunoo wonders why he was so afraid of it before
i'd like to think that with you, sunoo doesn't feel the need to always put on the bubbly and outgoing side of him
sometimes, he can just be quiet and calm sunoo with you, and the silence feels so comfortable and safe
you start hanging out more and more, and soon you've met so many people through sunoo that they think of you whenever they think of him too
it's like a package deal!
throughout this time he's still madly in love with you btw
he just wants to take things slow! he didn't want to scare you away or anything
and yes, the gc is STILL getting their daily sunooyn Down Bad News Network
"today during lunch she gave me a yakult bottle, i think she’s starting to like me back! :D"
he does Not know you've liked him all this time
the mutual pining is crazy
he (finally) confesses after a whole YEAR
he's super nervous about it, has possible plan b's scripted and sat through 30 minutes of youtube subliminal audios the day before for extra good luck
after he says his whole heartfelt confession, he gives you this handwritten letter with all of his favorite moments with you in the past year, complete with spotify codes next to each one that links to a specific song he thought of at the time
you teared up a bit because oh my gosh it was so cute he was so cute and your heart just melted
you told him you've liked him since forever too and he was FLABBERGASTED
you both also reveal that you've BOTH had hidden spotify playlists dedicated for each other???
let's just say that even years later, the 'en- gang' group chat would NEVER let sunoo live down his digital footprint
양정원 — yang jungwon
strawberries, honors classes, coming of age, familiarity, inside jokes, paper rings
your childhood best friend
who just so happens to also be mr student council president, king of extracurriculars, resident academic powerhouse
and also a LITTLE SHIT about it
since elementary school, you've got some friendly (and not-so-friendly) rivalry going on
"we both know who’s going to get the higher score for this chem final” 
“yeah, and it’s going to be me”
“NAH” 
but the drive you get from the competition is really what brought you guys together
it's what keeps you motivated, it's what keeps you going
and he's funny! (though you'd never admit it)
because yes, you're both trying to beat each other for the top spot in class rank
but you also get each other
you've been study buddies since the beginning of time, and he keeps the two of you accountable
sometimes he's TOO responsible
"jungwon don't let the pomodoro timer dictate you life can we PLEASE take a snack break right nowww"
"we literally did that FIVE MINUTES AGO"
outside of studying he's really chill though
one summer he started to get really into alchemy of souls and you binged the series twice together, effectively destroying both of your sleep schedules right before school started
he just loves existing in the same space as you tbh
definitely loves calling you for hours during the school year, whether to review for an upcoming exam or to just have the two of you do your own things while connected on the phone
it's pretty common for the two of you to fall asleep while on call with one another
late night yapping sessions (hello??? his weverse addiction??)
he feels like he can just let his responsibilities go and you're the only person who really understands him and everything he does and why he does it
lowkey.... he also just wants to make you proud :(
he was so happy that one time you offhandedly mentioned how you've seen and appreciated all the hard work he was putting in for one of the school events
when he eventually confessed to you, everything just made sense
like the way your eyes always lingered on his bright smile when he showed up on your doorstep at the crack of dawn
and how even when you tease each other, you never miss how he would reach for your hand with his own before retracting it hurriedly as if changing his mind
now, oh he just makes you feel so loved
texts you at random times of the day just because, sending you the most random images and captioning them with "us"
he's still got the silliness in him though!
"i want to try every strawberry with chocolate combination with you <333"
西村力 — nishimura riki
neon lights, school dances, sunglasses, finger guns, playful banter, shared hoodies
honestly he's just at school for the vibes
however, he DID take homecoming very seriously
with one goal in mind: to DOMINATE the dance floor
and dominate he did.
he partied in the USA so hard that by the end of the night, everyone was talking about that freshman who left everyone speechless at a HIGH SCHOOL DANCE
among those witnesses of how riki out-danced the entire school population, were you
and you thought he was literally the coolest person ever
fast forward two years, and you're a junior now
it's all good! you've definitely outgrown your month-long admiration of the Guy From Hoco
but yo what guess who sits right next to your seat in class???
it's the Guy From Hoco himself
honestly, you're a pretty chill person so you turned to him and were like "hey aren't you that guy that got famous back during hoco freshman year?"
but now? he’s EMBARRASSED to admit it
"oh uhhh that wasn't me haha"
boy bffr you would know his face anywhere
you kind of gave him a questioning look and shrugged
"oh well, i thought it was really cool though"
he instantly backtracks, because you thought it was cool and NOT an aura loss????
"wait i think i remember now haha that WAS me!!!"
you guys match energy so well tbh
he started to catch feelings for you because of how funny you were and how you two just clicked, but he was stuck in denial FOREVER
"I DON'T CHASE I ATTRACT" (desperate)
heeseung also tried to give him "rizz counseling" but that just ended up with them both saying "mb gang" at everything
which was..... not very rizzy!
you had convinced him to audition for the competition dance team at your school, which he obviously made
he texted you the day he got in too, typing in all caps in everything which he NEVER does
"why would you scream about things in caps lock when you can be cool and nonchalant" YEAH SURE RIKI
updated all his social media bios to @[school]varsitydanceteam the moment he got the acceptance notif
“[name] is my instagram bio tuff”
“WHY ARE U ALR PUTTING IT IN YOUR BIO"
"because i’m committed and it lets them know i’m part of a professional community"
(heeseung told him that it would show his commitment to the sport and thus his potential to commit to you.)
at this point, riki was ready to fire heeseung and switch to jake as his ghostwriter 💀
but little did he know, you started liking him too once you saw how genuinely hardworking he was when he has a goal
like those hours he spent on call with you asking if you thought this one move was clean enough?? he really put in his all (he also wanted to impress you)
you kind of had the idea that he liked you back, because let's be honest he was being a bit obvious about it
the way he almost choked when you hugged him congratulations??? he looked DAZED for a whole hour
you had to confess to riki because his heejake rizz courses consisted mainly of heeseung and jake arguing about whose approach was better
even when you two became a couple, you still had teasing as a love language LMAO
"HAHA 🫵🫵 YOU'RE SO SHORT i still love you though <3"
it's just how he shows his love, but he also loves draping his arm across your shoulders when walking around
made sure to emphasize to heeseung and jake that this was all his doing and they did not help him at ALL
but let's be real, YOU were the rizziest of them all
and riki agrees <3
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TAGLIST : @star-sim @boyfiejay @jlheon @jwsdoll @dimplewonie @suneng @en-gelic @mygnolia @asteria-wood
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jaylver · 7 months
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ROCKLAND — P.SH
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synopsis: almost like a nightmare, park sunghoon plagues your present just as much as your past regrets had done. however, this time around, you and him decided to right your wrongs one last time.
pairings: non-idol!sunghoon x afab!reader
genre: exes to lovers, miscommunications, angst, second chance romance
warning(s): profanities, brief mentions of smoking, drinking, partying and alcohol
wc: 8k
a/n: i'm BACK. this has been in the works for far too long because of the constant writer's block so i'm not sure if it's good or not, plus it's my first exes to lovers so please be nice <3 greatly inspired by gracie abram's "rockland", so do give it a listen too! please leave a feedback and reblogs are greatly appreciated! muah xx
masterlist | © jaylver all rights reserved.
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If there was one thing you’d regret forever in this lifetime, it would be ending things with the love of your life.
You admit it, you’re selfish. Selfish for wanting to leave the town you grew to hate, selfish for prioritising yourself and chasing your dreams, choosing to leave the people you loved instead. Painted a villain in the eyes of many close to the person you once went home to and even the man himself. But, how could he fully blame you when he was equally selfish too?
Park Sunghoon thought keeping you in the cage of this small town was going to make him a happy man. He often fantasised about the possibility of you and his future together, completely pushing aside the thought of you leaving, until it actually happened.
He was angry. He let himself be consumed by his own feelings and mindlessly projecting his anger and blame on you, while you regretfully did the same.
Pools of tears and venomous words spewed out of impulse left you scarred and broken down. It was a bad ending that you’d see in movies coming to life. The moment you had everything packed and goodbyes said, you figured leaving was for the best, now that your ex hates you and his friends who probably felt the same. 
It was a shame, though. Heading to somewhere far from home with a heavy heart knowing you didn’t have the chance to see him once more. Frankly, you were a coward, and so was he.
That explained why returning back home was the scariest thing you had to face in a while. 
It was ironic, wasn't it? Coming back to the place you wished for years to escape and actually doing so, but eventually having to return after you dropped out of the college that you've been praying and praying to get into, only for it to be overwhelming and the city lights couldn't compare to the starry night of your hometown.
You suppose you got the thing you wanted, but it just wasn't what you imagined.
Freshly twenty-two and out of school, you figured home was what you needed in your next step before deciding if you should re enrol. However, you find yourself not having the guts to face your family and friends, not after the promises turned out to be empty. 
"You should quit smoking," 
Yunjin, your cousin and practically your closest friend growing up, was just a distance away when you spotted her, leaning against her car with a cigarette in hand. You found it amusing how she didn't cave into vapes instead in this day and age. 
"Y/N!" She pushed the bud of her half smoked cigarette into the wall, then started jogging towards you, her dress flowing in the wind and boots making obnoxious clicks against the ground. There was a sense of relief in her eyes, her usual smile that you missed graced your presence. "God, I missed you, things aren't the same without you here,"
In the span of a few seconds of her hug, you took the chance to digest her words. Did that mean the traditions you've upheld are now gone? Parties, trips to the beach, all those? 
"What?"
Yunjin pulled away, still managing a small smile. "I don't think things were ever the same since you left … and after you broke up with Sunghoon,"
You blinked, looking away into the distance. "I don't think I'll be welcomed,"
Yunjin scoffed, slapping your arm and scurrying to get your bags. "Don't say that! So not true. Everyone in the family is waiting for you to be back—"
"And talk behind my back about my failure in graduating? Yeah, no,"
‘‘That’s not going to happen,” Yunjin sighed, struggling with your bags and declining your help, but you still forcefully grabbed some knowing she’d eventually crumble. “I think they’ll get it,”
Would they?
Once you are settled into the car, bags successfully loaded into the trunk, you let yourself melt into the comforts of Yunjin’s passenger seat, finally getting to close your eyes and drift away. You thought it was best before having to face everything and everyone once again.
“What’s your plan now, anyway?”
Without opening your eyes, you envisioned a distant image in your head. “Take my time off and see if I’d like to re enrol or not. If I don’t, I’ll just go plan B,”
“Which is?”
“Accept the job offer in London,”
Yunjin almost hit the brakes out of shock, the news that came from you felt like it had hit her in the face, but somehow, she managed to keep her cool and not get you both killed. “What?” she shrieked.
“What?” you questioned back, sounding nonchalant as if this was just another normal offer that didn’t seem particularly significant. But it was.
“You have a job offer in London and you’re coming back here,”
“I left the city for a reason, it’d be stupid to go to another one right after,”
Yunjin exhaled, blinking in stupor. “Right,”
“How’s … everyone?”
Yunjin knew you weren’t referring to your family. Of course you’d know how your own family was doing, that’s a no brainer. What you were trying to mean was your old friend group. You couldn’t blame them for being mad at you, after all you were only a part of it because of Sunghoon.
“Heeseung’s graduating soon,” this was the first update you’ve gotten from Yunjin after those years away. It took you every will not to ask her about them, but here you were now, finally giving in. “They’re still the same, nothing’s changed,”
“What about him?”
Yunjin seemed hesitant, obviously holding back something that she didn’t want you to know. “I’m not going to explode upon hearing, you know that, right?” you joked lightheartedly, but secretly dreading hearing about him.
“I think he’s seeing someone,”
“Good for him,” 
Would it be a crime to admit that you still missed your ex? Something in you was wishing you could rekindle a connection again now that you’re back, but all that hope shattered. If he had already moved on, why couldn’t you? Even after knowing how he probably hated and resented you for doing what you did, you still couldn’t bring yourself to hate him back. 
“That’s all?”
“You want me to go full crazy ex mode? You’re insane,” you shook your head, smiling a little, hoping Yunjin didn’t notice the speck of sadness swimming in your irises. “Whoever she is, I’m sure that I would like her … if I were slightly nicer,”
She let out a ‘tch’ in response, though grinning. “What are you going to do with them around? There’s no way you’d be able to fully avoid them,”
“What can I do? I’ll just have to coexist.”
Coexist was a funny word. How were you able to do that when you couldn’t even fully get over Sunghoon in the first place? Thinking about meeting him in flesh already made you feel like doubling over and projectile vomit. That was how pathetic you were, what a shame. 
Settling in was easy. It was natural to be back home, way better than being in the noisy city and constantly surrounded by a bunch of fake friends. The question of why you left in the first place started burning your mind as you tossed around trying to sleep, but it only persisted to bug you. Then came the thoughts of Sunghoon and the friends you left behind, which prompted you to be fully awake, sitting up in bed.
It wasn't the greatest idea to reach for your phone and search for his contact name, just to recall the day you deleted his number. Yet, your memory never failed you, remembering the digits like it was first instinct, fingers already typing his number. Your thumb hovered over the green call button, a haze in your mind.
Inevitably, you shut your phone and dug your head into your pillow. He would've laughed then, if he had seen this happen, the exact moment of you almost caving in and finally saying the sorry you never gave him.
The pictures you saw of him on social media here and there made you wonder how he was and if he had already forgotten about you. There were a few recurring appearances of a girl that seemed to linger by his side in group pictures that caught your eyes. Who took your bed when you left? Who laughed at everything that he said? Was it that girl?
Just like the time you first had a crush on Sunghoon, you stayed awake thinking about him, except this time around, you were filled with regret instead of hope. 
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"Heeseung asked me about you,"
Yunjin's random confession in the middle of the day had surprised you. Lee Heeseung, the best friend of your ex who you swore hated your guts, asked about you? Shocker.
"What did you say?"
"I said something along the lines of you figuring out life and just chilling here until the time comes," Yunjin shrugged, and you nodded slowly. "But there's something he said that made me a bit … confused?"
"What?"
"He said they wanted to see you again," 
You raised your eyebrows, a hint of scepticism flashed over your eyes. "They want to see me? Tell me a better joke next time, thanks,"
"I'm not joking! I mean, he did say excluding Sunghoon, but the other guys wanted to know how you were now that you're back," Yunjin winced a little at the mention of your ex, but you waved it off.
"Are they treating me to dinner or something?"
"Well … no. But Heeseung asked me to bring you to their next party, which is in a few days," Yunjin's gaze softened, hand patting your back. "You know you don't have to come if you don't want to. I mean, after all that happened with you and them and Sunghoon,"
You let out a small sigh, absentmindedly fidgeting your fingers. "It's all in the past now. I'm sure Sunghoon has moved on with another girl, and maybe—just maybe—the guys do hate me less."
You never went to that party Yunjin mentioned.
It was hard to admit but you knew, deep inside you, you were afraid, too cowardly to face the people you once knew. Instead, you chose to linger around like a lost soul in a town full of the ghosts of your past. 
It didn't help that the party was also in Sunghoon's house. How did they expect you to go in the first place? You thought you'd never step foot in there after you broke it off with him, and you were adamant on keeping it that way, but your heart got the worst of you.
On the night of the party, you drove around the neighbourhood, eventually stopping across the street of his house. You didn't know what got to you to do so, but you guessed reminiscence and bright lights coming from the house were the reason. The music was loud, people were coming in and out of the house, and the only thing you could think of was him.
That thought alone was enough to have you drive away, leaving the house further and further away into the background just as the memories of him being pushed into the back of your mind.
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Rotting in your bed wasn't how your early 20s were meant to be spent, and avoiding almost everyone most definitely wasn't the case either.
Your family and Yunjin were the only people you saw daily, as for the friends you once had, they were long forgotten or didn't even bother to reach out. Except for Heeseung and the others.
That, to you, was a really funny thing to think about. People who stuck by you after the break up and swore to be your closest friends didn't try contacting you once you moved back, knowing damn well word traveled fast in the town; whereas the friends you thought hated you were the first to reach out.
"I'll go to that party," you said to Yunjin on a sunny afternoon tanning session by the pool, sunglasses sitting on the bridge of your nose, hiding the apprehension in your eyes.
"Really?" Yunjin almost jumped out of her seat. It was a party she had brought up days ago, still persistent on taking you out. At least this time around, it wasn't in Sunghoon's house, but her friend Chaewon's. "That's great! Chaewon and the girls are super nice, you'll love them. Let's pick a nice outfit for you, okay?"
Yunjin was by far the most enthusiastic one between you and her. She was picking out dresses and tops, literally rummaging through your closet for anything, and you had to remind her it was just a college party. So, you settled for a skirt and a plain top. 
"Will you be okay? I'll stick by you," Yunjin had her arms around you, standing by the front door of Chaewon's house, hearing the music blaring from the inside.
"I'm fine—I think I'll be fine—I just don't want to run away from everyone anymore," it was mostly true, you thought it was inevitable to hide all the time, that wasn't how you're going to spend your life living.
"If there's anything, tell me, okay? We'll leave if you're getting sick," Yunjin gave your arm a final squeeze of assurance before crossing the threshold. 
It was the same as every party you've gone to. Loud music, drunk college kids, liquor and beers strayed around, it reeked of your nightmare in a nutshell there. 
Yunjin's friends were all as lovely as she had promised. The host herself was wobbling on her feet but managed to grace you with her humour. There was Sakura and Kazuha that you learned were foreign students. 
Throughout the night, you were stuck by Yunjin, going from circle to circle and introducing yourself or recognising some of your past school mates. But, almost inevitably so, Heeseung, Jay and Jake had made an appearance too.
"Y/N," Jay was the first to call your name, causing you to turn your head at the familiar voice. 
Your thoughts during then were jumbled into a mess. The people you were fighting to avoid were standing in front of you, all of which were much different than the memories you had of them in mind. 
Three of them had grown taller, gained some muscles and matured in many ways. Jay's hair was dyed pink, Heeseung got new piercings and Jake had a tattoo on his finger. It was strange to admit they're the same people you knew despite feeling the complete opposite of familiarity.
"Hey—" you were cut off by Jay closing in and pulling you into a hug, this for once was something you remembered about him.
"We're so glad you're back," he whispered into your hair, squeezing you tight. It reminded you then that you were friends with him and the guys before you even dated Sunghoon, that connection was deeper than it seemed, and for it to be severed just because of a breakup was gut wrenching to realise. "We're sorry, Y/N, we're so sorry,"
His apology was genuine, that's for sure. Once you pull away, you let both Heeseung and Jake take turns to hug you, whispering apologies into your ear. It was odd, to accept their apologies and having to start afresh. You held onto them, just taking it in. To forgive was a big step, but maybe it was your first step.
You sat there, catching up with them and slowly getting comfortable just like the old days. Heeseung graduated and got a good job offer, Jay and Jake were still studying, both of which were in the same university. You were relieved there was nothing too awkward between you and them, or else you would have regretted your choices.
The night continued on with a few small talks and eventually you had to excuse yourself to the toilet. You wondered how Chaewon's house was so big, with halls that seemed to never end, or it could just be the effects of alcohol.
Stumbling around, you held onto the walls, passing by rooms occupied by people probably doing something unspeakable. You thought your peace of mind would be intact until the end of the night, but you were wrong. Upon turning a corner, you froze.
It was Sunghoon. It was him.
Grief was a funny feeling, especially when it comes to someone you once knew. You stared at him and there he was, like a ghost from your past coming back to haunt you. He was the shell of the person you loved, and you couldn't help but grieve the person he once was. What was he like now? 
Before you could even turn around and make a run for it, his wandering eyes landed on you. He had the same thought process as you. Realisation, panic, sadness, confusion all mixed into a heap of feelings. 
Your feet started moving on its own, as you stepped back, he took a step forward. Your breath became ragged, heart thumping hard and blood pumping in your ears. He was nearing, and you were running away, it was the same as before.
"Y/N!" He called out, and all it took was him to say your name again to have you stop in your tracks. Gosh, you were pathetic.
He was standing before you now, closer than he was a moment ago. It was then you realised how much he had changed too. 
He was taller, smile lines etched much deeper into his face, almost changing along the same wavelengths with the others. There was something different about the way he looked at you, however. From love in his eyes that eventually changed into hatred was now filled with longing and confusion.
"Y/N," he repeated, disbelief evident in his voice, as if he couldn't believe you were there. 
"Sunghoon," you blinked, a frown unknowingly making its way to your face. You let a few beats of silence pass, conflicted and nervous. "I—I should leave,"
"No—!" his hand reached out for you, but you didn't feel his touch. He didn't dare to touch you, letting his hand linger before pulling it back to his side. "I mean, you don't have to leave,"
"I thought you hate me,"
Sunghoon's gaze fell to the floor, jaw clenched and eyebrows furrowed. He met your eyes once more. "I should hate you, shouldn't I? But I don't think I do, I never did,"
You blinked, a little surprised, a little hurt. All along he had made you think he hated your guts but he actually didn't? "Oh," you seemed to have lost the ability to talk or to compute a proper sentence.
You thought of the things you wanted to ask him. If he was still angry at you or if things were working for him. But, what came out was the question you've stored in the back of your mind instead.
"Are you with someone new?"
You figured he didn't expect such a question from you, much as you didn't expect yourself saying it. It was an itching thought, one that made you look like a typical ex, but you couldn't help it.
"I'm not," he sounded almost exasperated, as if having to squash down this rumour for the thousandth time.
"Oh … oh," you didn't know what to say, averting your gaze away from him and finding comfort in the wall behind him. 
Sunghoon paused, gaze following yours, looking reluctant whether or not to continue the conversation, but alas, he did. "How have you been?"
"Bad," you laughed a little, and Sunghoon's ears perked at the sound of it that he hasn't heard for ages. "You?"
"I quit skating,"
That was surprising. How could he have? Skating was his dream, his past, present and supposed future, but now, it came crashing down. You didn't know if you should feel sorry for him, as you have been a part of his journey, but one bit of you also seemed to have started mourning the changed Sunghoon that stood before you.
"Why?"
He shrugged, hands slipping into his pocket with a solemn look. "I lost interest. I'm into music now, I'm in a band with the guys,"
You heaved a breath, a deep one. Ironic it was that he was doing music now when he was the one criticising you in the past for wanting to pursue it. Who even was this person? With a new appearance came a new personality, he was much further away than you thought despite the physical distance.
"You've changed," you didn't know what prompted you to say that, maybe it was the disbelief or the denial that he was someone new, but whatever it was, neither of you could deny the fact that he did change. "I'm scared of the person you've become,"
A beat passed, an unreadable expression on Sunghoon's face that you couldn't distinguish even though by now you thought you'd know every one of them. 
"And I'm scared you're still the same."
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Seeing Sunghoon that night seemed to have altered something in your life. Somehow, he was everywhere you went. 
Who was working at the register? Sunghoon. Who was at the park? Sunghoon. Who was at the party Yunjin managed to drag you to? Sunghoon.
It was haunting.
All those little encounters didn't mean you talked to him like normal, though. The awkward tension in the air still remained, seeing each other only reminded you and him both of your pasts, and you hated it. That explained why you were having a hard time seeing him at another party you were at.
Yunjin was much more of a party goer than you expected, and she successfully convinced you to go to all of them. It was fun until you got drunk and started being emotional. Your efforts of hiding from Sunghoon that night failed when he barged into the empty room you were sobbing in, whether it was accidental or not, you didn't know, you wished to not know.
"Y/N?"
His voice brought back the times he called your name. Both the good and bad ones. You stared up at him from the ground, tears welling your eyes. The person you were looking at was someone you thought was a soulmate, but now stood as someone closer to a stranger than a friend.
"W–what are you doing here? Why are you crying?"
The alcohol messing with your brain was processing his words, but what came out from your lips was the total opposite of an answer. "I'm sorry, Hoonie," 
Sunghoon's eyes widened at the nickname, the privilege that only you had. He kneeled down, taking a seat on the ground opposite you, a visible distance in between.
"I hate this—us—I feel like if we gave it one night, to talk, to just feel—you'd hate me less and make it alright," you choked back the sobs building up in your throat, the dizziness making you unaware of how Sunghoon reached out only to hesitate and pressed his hand back to his side. "Just wish that we could fight now, I'd hold you on the comedown …" your voice faltered, head leaning onto the wall.
"Y/N, you're drunk, we can talk this out another day," Sunghoon striped off his jacket and covered your exposed thighs with it. "Just … don't avoid me. I–I don't hate you, I just hope we can have a decent conversation without thinking about the past,"
He admitted it, how the two of you had secretly been thinking about the past, letting it be a big wall in between instead of growing from it. Yet, you could tell the unspoken anger and sadness still lingered, choosing to pour out gradually and unknowingly.
"Bet you wish you never even met me," you started slurring, hand gripping onto his jacket tightly. "I can't blame you, I broke your every heartbeat," your eyes were shut, images playing in your mind, not knowing the saddened look dawning on Sunghoon's face.
"Let's get you back."
In your sleep that night, you saw him. He was there, so far yet so close, and just like reality, he was hard to reach, harder to understand compared to before. He was a knife cutting deep, leaving a mark that constantly reminded you of the past. 
How could you even make everything go back to the way it was?
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Sunghoon was on your front door step the night everyone was out for dinner except you. 
You hadn't expected him to turn up, thinking it'd be you that stood at his doorstep instead as you still had his jacket from that party (which you do not want to think about again).
"Sunghoon. Hey," the door was opened and you leaned against it, trying your best at hiding the hint of pining in your gaze. 
"Oh, hey," he greeted back rather stiffly, dressed in a simple attire with the classic white Lacoste sneakers that he always wore. "I–I wanted to—"
"Take your … jacket?" You cut him off half way, nerves wrecking your brain.
A beat passed, Sunghoom visibly gulped. "Y–Yeah, my jacket,"
"I'll go grab it for you," you jerked your thumb over your shoulder, awkwardly scurrying back in to retrieve his jacket and coming back to see him chewing on his bottom lip, seemingly nervous. "Here. Thanks for it,"
"No problem," Sunghoon coughed, grabbing the jacket but absolutely paying no mind to it. His stare was straight at you.
"That's all, right?"
"Yeah,"
"Yeah," you echoed, hating the sudden rigidness between the two of you. "Bye then, Sunghoon,"
"Bye," Sunghoon said, looking dazed. Weird.
You saw him backing away and decided to close the door, but before you could even do so, a force had stopped you from closing it. Not a force, much rather a hand, his hand. The door was pushed open, and you physically jumped at the suddenness of it. Your eyes met Sunghoon's sorrowful ones.
"Don't push me away, Y/N, not again,"
"Sunghoon," 
He made his way in, closing the door behind him and you let him. Was this seriously happening?
"You said you wanted to give us one night to talk, so I'm here now. I didn't care about the jacket, I cared about you. I hate seeing us like this, it's like we're strangers," Sunghoon let out a frustrated huff, eyebrows furrowed.
"We can't just pretend nothing has happened between us,"
"So you want me to hate you instead? You're saying as if it's easy, Y/N, feelings don't work that way!"
"Then how do we go back to how it was? We can't, that's the truth. You're not the same person I used to know,"
"Cut the bullshit. I'm the same as I was, maybe just a little different than I was years ago, but that doesn't change anything. When does that ever stop you from loving?"
Were you too scared to love?
Sunghoon ran his hand across his face, wetting his lips. "You’re scared of change, and I don’t think that’s something new about you,” 
Ouch.
“But I really wish you could let it all go. I don’t hate you, nor do I harbour any anger regarding the things that happened years ago. It hurts, it did, but seeing you now made me feel the opposite of all those emotions,” Sunghoon took a deep breath in, and you were holding yours. “I think about you a lot, actually. I regretted a lot of the things I said and done, and I wanted to say I’m sorry. I’m sorry for not being there for you and giving you the support you needed. I should've fought for us and not leave, I–I—" Sunghoon choked, unable to hold in his overpowering emotions anymore.
You didn’t say anything, instinctively closing in and pulling him into your arms, letting his head lie on your shoulder, ignoring the feeling of his warm tears soaking the fabric of your shirt. "I'm sorry too, for leaving you so easily,"
You stood there with Sunghoon in your arms, inevitably crying along and sobbing out your own apologies, the ones you had owed him and hidden all these years. He held you tight just as you did, and it felt like the nights he had you in his arms whenever you cried. You eventually calmed down whereas Sunghoon was still composing himself, avoiding your gaze.
You took the opportunity to hug him again, tighter and firmer this time, as if trying to stop him from running away. 
"Can we start over? I don't want us to be strangers," 
You heard a sniffle, then a shaky breath of relief. "I'd love to,"
Pulling away, you locked eyes with him. They were twinkling brighter than the stars in the skies outside, filled with a spark of hope. "I'll make us some hot tea. Do you want to … stay over?"
"Can I?"
"I really want you to."
It didn't take more to convince Sunghoon to stay, all you had to do was ask and he'd listen. 
That night, you and him hid in your room, talking for the whole night until the break of dawn. Nothing about the way he talked had changed, nor his laughter or the crinkles around his eyes when he smiled. He told you about the band and some side gigs, offering to bring you to some too. 
You laid there in bed laughing all night, occasionally peeking over the side of your bed to check up on him who slept on the extra mattress, only to meet his eyes and freeze. 
The red string of fate tying you and him together was beginning to reform.
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Not feeling dread every time you saw Sunghoon was a new start for you. In fact, you were glad to see him. 
The misunderstandings and complexity built up over the years were finally addressed, leaving you to peace and a small hope of rebuilding what you had with him. But you kept that thought away for now, holding onto the pieces you had at the moment.
"Come to one of my gigs," Sunghoon made a trip to your house on a random afternoon, a box of your favourite chocolate covered strawberries in his hand. He never forgot anything about you, didn't he?
"Are you bribing me or asking me?" You said despite accepting the box, your heart squeezing at the thought of him remembering the littlest details about you.
"I'm asking you but also offering a gift," he let himself in, almost like always, and you didn't even notice, just letting him do so. "I saw it and I thought of you so I got it,"
"Thanks," you waved the box a little, setting it down on the table and leaning slightly against it. "You still remember," 
His gaze softened. "Of course I do," his hand by his side was itching to reach out, but it never did, instead, he played it off by giving you a smile. "So, what do you say? This Saturday, watch our gig at the pub," 
"Are you singing?"
"I wish I did," he laughed, and you momentarily recalled the times you had karaoke sessions with him. Curse reminiscence. "I play the bass, Heeseung's the front man," 
You nodded slowly, picturing them as a band and smiling slowly. You've missed them, and it was then when you realised it. "I'll go,"
"Really?"
"Obviously, do you want me to say no?"
"Well, no," Sunghoon chuckled, quite literally unable to hide his excitement from the way he's grinning widely. "I'm just … glad, and surprised, and happy,"
You bit back a smile, shaking your head at him. "Text me the details, will you? I don't want to miss it."
Saturday rolled around quickly. You and Yunjin were sitting in a corner of the pub, beers on the table and whispering gossip about some of your high school classmates. High school might've ended years ago but gossip never stopped.
"Alright, folks, the next act is someone you already know, they are not strangers," the manager of the pub stepped onto the small stage, announcing Sunghoon and the guy's band. "Please welcome … April Nights!"
April? 
You bit your tongue, an odd feeling boiling in your stomach. April was the month you broke up with Sunghoon and left for university, it was more than just a coincidence for him and his band to have 'April' in their name. All you knew was the sinking feeling never went away.
"You alright?" Yunjin noticed your silence, casting a worried glance at you.
"April …" you mumbled, eyes staring straight ahead at Sunghoon who was setting up his bass on stage. "There must be something behind it,"
"What?"
"Nothing,"
You shook away that feeling currently eating up and put your focus on Sunghoon instead. It wasn't your first time watching him perform. It has always been him on ice in a big arena, but now it was him on a small stage at a dingy pub.
Sunghoon's eyes wandered all over the room, finally landing on you, a smile spreading on his pretty face. You managed a small smile, waving a little to let him know you're there, you're actually there and not a figment of his imagination, a dream that he has been wishing on for far too long.
The first song they played was an ABBA song. To be specific, it was your favourite ABBA song that you would listen to with Sunghoon in the past. Was it a coincidence?
You knew Heeseung had a vocal of stars, but to hear it for the first time in years was sending you into heaven. However, you failed to keep your focus on him, redirecting it to the bassist. You couldn't stop looking at Sunghoon, and his gaze wouldn't leave yours either. 
The second song soon came by, and at that point onwards, you knew it wasn't a coincidence. It only took two songs for you to realise that Sunghoon had prepared a set list of your favourite songs. The band was currently playing Iris by The Goo Goo Dolls, a song you had loved ever since forever.
You shouldn't be feeling light headed, but you were.
The set ended almost a few hours later. It was filled with your favourite songs, undoubtedly. The whole time, you were truly holding your breath, especially when Sunghoon was holding your gaze.
While people were filing in and out of the pub gradually, you stayed. It was well past midnight and Yunjin's cheeks were pink from the alcohol, wandering off to join Heeseung and the others. You, on the other hand, were sober as hell, waiting for Sunghoon with nerve wrecking anticipation.
"Hey, hey, hey. How did we do?" Sunghoon slid into a seat like an apparition appearing out of thin air. You jumped a little, but melted into a smile at the sight of him.
"You guys were great," it was genuine, because they did do amazing, probably more than just amazing. "'April nights', an interesting name,"
Realisation dawned on Sunghoon's face, he swallowed thickly. "I—yeah. April was an interesting month,"
"The set list …"
"Right, the set list," he chuckled, shifting on his feet a little nervously and stiffly. "I figured since you're here I'll play some of your favourite songs,"
"Oh," you let out softly, not knowing what else to say, this was something you found yourself acting around Sunghoon now. "That's … nice,"
Sunghoon gouged your expressions and the tone of your voice, a slow frown etching onto his tired face. "Did you not … like it? I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable,"
"No, it's not that! I'm just—" you paused, thinking of an appropriate word to describe how you felt. Frankly, you didn't know your exact feelings. "—surprised and … confused?"
"Confused?"
"Sunghoon, we're exes, and you pulling this isn't exactly helping—this—" you gestured to the space between you and him. "Us,"
Sunghoon was silent for a moment, occasionally opening his mouth to say something just to close it before he could. "I—maybe I read it all wrong, I thought—you know what, forget it,"
"Don't. Just tell me," you reached over for him, but didn't touch his hand. "What are we? We're not exactly best friends nor are we enemies. I don't want any tension between us and I don't want you to think you have zero chance at all," you breathed, searching for his eyes. "I would want us to work out again, if that's what you want too,"
Sunghoon's eyes glistened with a spark of hope, relief washing over his face. It was an answer to his question. "I want us to work out. I want us to have another chance," his hand reached out for yours the first time since you've seen each other, feeling the warmth of his touch that you were no stranger to. He carefully and gently intertwined his hand with yours.
"We'll always find our way back to each other."
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It was odd but comforting to know that nothing has changed when it came to you and Sunghoon.
Sunghoon brought you to your favourite places, ate your favourite dishes, did your favourite activities as an attempt to rekindle everything back. Safe to say it was working.
Just like the first dates you had together, you felt yourself having the same bubbly feeling internally, the same giggles you caught yourself having after a stupid joke he made. Despite all that, over the course of a few weeks, it had you wondering about your relationship with him.
"Will you date him again?" Yunjin could tell you were struggling, even if you didn't say it, it was still quite evident.
"What's with the sudden question?"
"Well, considering he has taken you out on so many dates and still hasn't asked you to be his girlfriend again, I could tell you're troubled,"
"Okay, mind reader," you grumbled and shifted in your seat, hating how right she was. "He said he wanted to give us a chance again, so I was expecting that—you know—we'd get back together soon,"
"Your 'soon' seems a bit urgent, but I don't blame you," Yunjin shrugged, gaze softening at your words. "I can tell how much love there still is between the two of you. It's natural to gravitate towards each other, but time, time is what you need to heal the scars, Y/N. It's been years, give yourself time."
You suppose giving yourself time truly was what you needed. But when you mentally said you needed space, you didn't mean wanting Sunghoon to ignore you. 
That's right. He was ignoring you.
How did you know? Apparently, the hard way.
Calls, messages were all brushed aside. You didn't even see him physically. At one point, you considered him dead, but seeing him at a party proved to you that he wasn't.
"What the fuck is your problem?"
Cornering him was a challenge, but being headstrong and slightly buzzed, nothing could possibly stop you.
"Y/N?"
"Wow, I'm surprised you remember my name," you seethed, almost stumbling forward and throwing a punch at him. "So, we're playing the game where you get back at me and ghost me after all that we've been through lately? Sweet! Could've given me a head's up though,"
"What? You're the one who's planning to abandon me just like before!"
"What are you even saying?" 
"Your email, Y/N. I saw your email. How you have a big job in London and you just can't wait to join, throwing me away like a summer's fling right before you leave,"
"You're not making any sense, I'm not accepting that role!" You were heaving at anger at this point, matching the fumes emitting from Sunghoon's ears. "You dickhead! I'm literally throwing my dreams away and you're here thinking I'm leaving you again? Is that what you thought of first? Oh, maybe you could've just asked me, but you didn't, just like the past,"
Bringing up the past had triggered something not only in you but him. He blinked, keeping silent but chewing anxiously on the inside of his cheek. 
"You never changed, huh?"
You heaved a deep breath, shaking your head a little, not to answer his question, but at him. 
"Well I guess that makes the both of us."
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"I fucked it up, didn't I?"
The night after the confrontation, you woke up on Yunjin's couch with a hangover thanks to your habit of drinking your problems away. Remembering Sunghoon's face and the feelings you felt literally had you shrivelling back into the couch, a deep frown etched on your face.
"Partly, yes, but mostly, no," you felt the couch dip beneath Yunjin's weight as she joined your side, a warm cup of coffee in her hand. "He fucked up first, but I think it's all just a big misunderstanding,"
"I don't we've healed from it," you took the cup from her and drank from it. "He's scared of me leaving and I was considering leaving again. Maybe we're just not meant to be,"
Yunjin sighed, moving her body closer to you and placing a comforting hand on yours. "If you're not leaving, that means you're staying, which also means you get to make it right. You get to have time to mend it all unlike the last time,"
"I have to make it right, don't I?"
A nod of confirmation from Yunjin was all you needed to know your next step. So, you decided to show up at his gig in the same exact pub without thinking through it twice.
"He's not here tonight," Heeseung looked thoroughly puzzled by your sudden appearance, and it seemed none of them knew about the small altercation you had with Sunghoon. 
"Really?"
"Yeah, he's been acting a bit … off. We asked him to take a night off, maybe you should give him a call."
If only it was that easy. 
Walking back home with a dejected heart was not the plan you had in mind. A part of you even thought this was truly the end, maybe he reached the conclusion of going no contact and you have no choice but to accept it. Was this karma?
It didn't help that you walked past the park that you and Sunghoon used to run off to back in the past.  The exact bench which you and him sat on still resided there. Your curious mind led your legs towards it, taking a seat and remembering all the memories you shared with him. 
Being alone under the night sky and getting accompanied by the dim light coming from the street lamp had given you a chance to rethink your choices about coming back home, whether it was worth it to see Sunghoon once again and try for the closure you never got. Well, look where it got you now.
The ruffles of the leaves got you snapping your head towards the direction of the noise, but it only landed on a figure.
"Y/N?"
You squinted, waiting until the figure walked under the streetlamp to distinguish that it was … Sunghoon. You should be feeling glad now that he was there in front you, but why were you feeling the exact opposite?
"Sunghoon? W–what are you doing here?" You stood up, watching him getting closer, the anguish in his face was clear.
"I–I … I went to look for you," he started, carefully and slowly inching closer until there's a comfortable distance between you both. "You weren't home and I thought … that was it,"
That was a fatal flaw you and him shared, wasn't it?
"I went to the pub to look for you too," your voice came out in a hushed whisper, breathing becoming ragged. "And you weren't there, so I thought … I thought it was the end too,"
"Fuck's sake, I know I said this many times but I'm sorry, Y/N," he sounded desperate, apologetic and almost exasperated. "I'm sorry for assuming things and ignoring you, I guess I never really got rid of the avoiding thing. I'm just … scared of you leaving me and I can't accept it again,"
"I'm not leaving, Hoonie," you were the first to reach out, to touch him and pull him into your embrace. "I didn't think you'd see that email so I never said anything about it. But I'm not leaving, okay? Not this time, never again. I'm here and I'm staying,"
You heard Sunghoon's quiet breathing next to your ear, his calming heartbeat thrumming against your shoulder. "I'm sorry, I really am, Y/N. I said I wanted to make this right but why does it feel like I'm fucking it all up?"
"You're not, Hoon, trust me. If I have to be honest here, both of us have past scars that aren't healed yet. It takes time, one step at a time, and that was what I learned. I think we're not fully healed from the past," you held onto him tighter, spilling all your hidden truths. "We can make it right, but first, we have to forgive ourselves, forgive each other and move on,"
Sunghoon pulled away a little, but his arms still remained around you. It was the first time you were ever so close to him since the split, wholly vulnerable and showing him your truest emotions. 
"I forgive you," he whispered, pearly tears threatening to spill from the edge of his eyes. "And I'm sorry again,"
"I forgive you too," your grip on his jacket tightened, a small comforting smile appearing on your lips, one that Sunghoon reciprocated. 
"I don't think I'll ever stop loving you," he confessed, a little out of the blue, but it was something he needed to get out of his system before he burst. "Those years when you were away, I see you in everyone else, I don't think anyone could ever compare. I still love you even after this long,"
Your mind was in a haze upon hearing his confession, sincerity and longing hidden in his words but evident in his eyed. For a moment, you thought of what you could say, but nothing came to mind, so you did the first thing your body told you to. You kissed him. Actually, it was more of a peck, a simple quick peck that was enough to shock both him and you.
"I'm sorry!" You saw his wide eyes and wondered if it was a good time to have even done that.
Sunghoon melted into an expression of adoration, a wide smile etched on his lips, as if in both disbelief and relief that you kissed him. "Don't be sorry," he stepped closer, only an inch measured the distance between you and him. The space became smaller when he leaned down, eyes flickering down to your lips. "Can I?"
Was this happening? "Yeah," 
Sunghoon didn't waste any moment in meeting your lips with his. It was natural, easy, for you to kiss him just like first instinct. The amount of desperation, sadness, anger and love were poured into the way he kissed you. There wasn't any urgency, but it spoke louder than intended.
It was short, but it was enough to let the both you know the true feelings you harboured for each other. By the time you pulled away from him, you felt his eyes on you, a giggle erupted from you unexpectedly, and he started joining in.
You really looked like a lovesick fool standing under the streetlamp with your lover. 
"Do you want to stop by that old spot we used to go to?" Sunghoon suggested, a little shyly this time.
"The one nearby?"
"That one,"
"Let's go then." you nodded, casting him a soft smile. 
Sunghoon didn't say much, but his hand did the talking by reaching for yours. He held onto it tightly, intertwining his fingers with yours and swinging your interlocked hands as you walked. He might've not said much, but you could tell how he felt.
Feelings might be complicated, and  making amends with the history behind a broken relationship was equally challenging, but what mattered most was getting back with the one who you called your soulmate, your lover, your best friend.
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( © jaylver all rights reserved. do NOT copy, plagiarise or edit my work and repost whatsoever. once discovered will be exposed and blacklisted. )
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galaxysugarr · 9 months
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Hi All! I thought it was time i gave a lil update from this game and how its been going.
I'm one that tends to keep to myself till a project is fully complete or close to complete, but I've gained a lot of asks about this over time and more as of late lol. So thought I'd cut the radio silence a tad and answer a few repeat questions id gotten!
Are you working on the game?
Surprisingly, yeah.
Will this be a completed game to buy?
Definitely not, least not now. My plan is to make a basic demo of the game as building a complete game with the script and everything would take a very long time and a lot to learn!
It would also be a free to play game, as Its a fan game.
When can we see it, are you almost done, videos and updates!!!
Well... 2023 was a busy year for me personally. And as a person who is still learning to animate along with barely any knowledge of game coding. Led to me needing to learn a lot and do trial and error.
A lot of things are temporary placeholders and incomplete textures with testing. So I didn't feel they where good to share progress of.
a lot of it was me learning, trying different styles to work with the game, and sketches throughout.
Can i help with the project????
I do appreciate you all asking for help,But I don't know much about game development and working with a team on this. So it's more of a passion project for me, and so far what I have learned has been nice :>.
I didn't wanna rely and give up on the project or delay it so much due to factors so I'm workin on it alone right now till the project is farther along and more stable.
Will it look exactly like the trailer, what kind of game is it, what all do you have planned for the demo?
Admittedly I had originally made sprites and everything to match the video, but i ended up going for a more chibi type style as its easier to work with.
Its a side scrolling game with rpg like elements.
The current plan is to have two fully completed stages, a mini game, 4 playable characters (2 being Sun and Moon), and some extra features.
Will the demo be out this year?
I can't say, it all depends on how much time i work on it and learn ;o! I don't like to get hopes up, but I work it on it when I can.
Crumbs, please
Some of the daycare and model updates. It's not much, but I find it fun to run around and interact with things lol
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So all and all for those really wondering about the project, its still a heavy work in progress. A fun and frustrating one for sure, but Its been nice actually learning to code and design it so far.
Hope this answered a few questions and of course you can ask other stuff about it, I don't mind.
Thank you!
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Baby fever
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AN: I'm sure your shock has been imagined that I wrote this. I haven't even watched the video fully yet because I should be have been trying to work on my final assignments for the semester but, I've seen enough to prompt me to write this very impulsively. Apologies to all of the fics I was actively working on (glances at my 2Min drabble with apologetic eyes).
Synopsis: Seeing pictures and videos of your boyfriend with a baby inspires a stronger reaction from you than either of you could have anticipated.
Heads up: Hwang Hyunjin x Fem! Reader, established relationship, the plot is barely there if I'm being honest, dirty talk, usage of pet names, nipple play (f. receiving), oral sex (f. receiving), fingering (f. receiving), unprotected piv sex for the first time, both Reader and Hyunjin cry at points, one mention of Reader worrying she'll draw blood from Hyunjin but no actual blood and it isn't referenced beyond that, very apparent breeding kink and talks about breeding, Hyunjin says mommy once in reference to making Reader a mum, creampie and dacryphilia kink if you squint.
Word count: 3765
I will block you if you are a minor and have no easily visible indication of your age on your blog if you interact with me in any way.
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You don't expect much when your phone buzzes with a notification from Felix. He always sends you messages throughout the day, even when he has a pretty packed schedule. Asking you how your day is, telling you about his and sending you short videos and funny pictures of the rest of the members that he manages to catch.
So when you open his message, you expect maybe a selfie with him and Chris or a video of Minho feigning annoyance at being recorded.
What you don't expect is to see Hyunjin. Well, that's not entirely true. Felix sends you pictures and videos of Hyunjin all of the time. What you don't expect is to see your boyfriend awkwardly and carefully holding an incredibly adorable, chubby baby.
He did mention a while ago now that he, Felix, and Jeongin were going to be on some variety show with children, but it had honestly slipped your mind. University has been eating you alive for the past month or so, so any space in your brain for anything that isn't response papers and projects has been minimal.
Now, as you as you sit at your desk with the Word document left untouched, all you can do is stare at the video of Hyunjin trying his best to soothe the baby. His hold on him is very clumsy and it makes you a little anxious but, it's all dwarfed by how softly your boyfriend looks at him and how his massive hands cradle the baby's tiny body to his. The smile on his face is positively radiant, and the little cooing sounds he makes do eventually draw a smile and giggle from the baby comfortably in his arms.
You don't think you've felt your heart constrict more in your chest ever in your entire life. Not even when he told you he loved you for the first time or when the two of you went on your first date or the first time you had sex. Sitting here, seeing him fumble his way through interacting with this baby and the unadulterated softness in his face, completely derails any other train of thought than wanting to have a baby of your own with him.
Which is absolute insanity.
Not only are the two of you nowhere near ready to be parents, your relationship is also not even a year old yet. You've spoken about children, and while you are on the same page, now is nowhere near the time.
Still, the more carnal part of your brain can't find it to care as you continue to scroll through the barage of pictures and videos Felix sent to you. An audible 'aw' leaving your lips when the baby's tiny hand wraps around your boyfriend's finger.
Yeah, there's no way you're getting any work done today.
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You practically lunge at Hyunjin when he opens your front door. You swallow his noise of surprise greedily, wrapping your arms around his neck and pressing him to the door he just barely manages to close. Despite being caught thoroughly off-guard, he kisses you back. His hands coming to rest on your hips.
"Not that I'm complaining," he breathes out once he separates himself from your lips, "but, what brought this on?"
"Lix sent me pictures and videos of you with a baby," you mutter against his neck as you kiss along the sensitive skin there. Your blood turning into molten heat in your veins as he squirms and whimpers against you. You're sure you're wet enough already to take him. You've been wet for what feels like hours now.
"Okay?" He says, blinking at you in confusion through the lust induced haze he was momentarily in.
"You looked really cute and happy."
He still doesn't seem to quite understand what about that would cause you to react like this.
"Seeing you with a baby was really attractive," you finally spell out for him.
"Attractive?!" He squeaks out, and you'd usually find that endearing and cause to smush his cheeks between your hands, but you're too highstrung right now.
"Yes," you breathe, resuming your kisses along on his neck, on part of his jaw until you reach his ear, "it was really, really attractive. I couldn't even focus on my work because all I could think about was you cumming inside of me and, putting a baby in me."
You're sure Hyunjin would have crumpled to your floor if he wasn't leaning against your door. He was blushing so hard you could feel the heat radiating off of him. You don't think you've ever seen him get this red, especially so quickly, ever.
"Wh-what?" Is all he can respond with and, in all fairness, you did drop a nuclear bit of information on the poor man, so this reaction isn't exactly unexpected.
You take one of his hands and slip it into the waistband of your shorts and panties, moaning quietly when his fingers come into contact with your soaked slit. Hyunjin isn't unaffected either if the glaze in his eyes and bob of his adam's apple are anything to go by.
"I've been so wet for you all day, Jinnie," you whine, your eyes fluttering slightly and your walls clenching when his fingers run along your folds all on their own.
"Fuck," he grits, catching you by surprise this time around and slamming his mouth into yours. This kiss is more carnal than the last one. It's all teeth and tongue and spit and, all you can do is fist his shirt to steady yourself while his nimble fingers stroke you. You're barely aware that he's pushing you backwards until you find yourself hitting your couch. His mouth remains firmly on yours as you two tumble onto it.
A disappointed whine leaves you when his hand leaves your panties and shorts. Your walls throb borderline painfully, and you feel acutely empty. "I'm sorry. I promise I'll make it up to you," he has the audacity to laugh, albeit hoarsely.
"Jinnie, I'm ready. Please, I want you inside of me. I'm beyond ready," you whimper, clutching onto his biceps. Giving him your best puppy dog eyes and pout while he clenches his jaw at your words.
"You're trying to kill me," he groans, resting his forehead against your shoulder. From the pressure you feel on your thigh right now, you're sure your suggestion sounds tempting right now.
He kisses you more slowly this time. Savouring every brush and press of your lips against his own and, the two of you moan into each other as your tongues caress one another. You thought you'd won until you feel his hands impatiently tug your shirt up, exposing your breasts to the cool air of your apartment. His mouth descending down your neck, lavishing your throat with kisses and licks while you arch into him. Your hands tugging on his dark locks while he kisses down your body.
"Hyun-Hyunjin," you whimper, your hips jolting up into him when his breaths ghost over one of your hardened nipples.
"Are you sure you still want me to just fuck you?" Is all he says before you find your nipple enveloped by his mouth and your other breast in one of his hands.
You're sure you've soaked through your panties and are close to ruining your shorts from the way your wetness trickles out of you with every lick and suck of your boyfriend's sinful mouth. The vibrations from the groans he presses into you only make it all so much worse, along with the precise way his fingers tug and lightly pinch your other nipple.
Hyunjin would happily spend hours with his mouth and hands all over your breasts if history is any indication. However, as eyeroll and toe-curl inducing as this all feels, you're determined to get your way.
Your hands cup his face and pull him up to you. The frown on his thoroughly kissed lips almost makes you laugh, but you kiss him before the giggles get the better of you, and he complains about you ruining his time with your tits.
"Want you," you mutter against his lips, palming his erection through his jeans. The evidence of his want for you clear as day and heavy in your palm. You're tempted to just flip him over and sink down on him yourself.
"An-And I'm the one always being called impatient," he retorts with an affectionate roll of his eyes and kiss to the corner of your mouth.
"It's not my fault you looked so attractive," you respond with a shrug, biting back the complaint on the tip of the tongue when he peels away from you to tug off his shirt. God, you really must be the luckiest woman alive.
"I didn't think you'd be so into it," he says distractedly, impatiently tugging down his jeans and leaving him in nothing but his black boxers that cling in a horribly tempting way to his slender hips and, outline his hard cock.
You're not sure whether your mouth or pussy waters more.
Hyunjin flushes under your intense gaze, as if you haven't seen him naked more times than both of you could count. It still boggles your mind sometimes how your boyfriend can turn from confident, sexy and suave to an awkward, flustered mess in an instant. Well, that duality is among the multitude of reasons you're so irrevocably in love with him.
"You're staring," he mumbles, avoiding your gaze.
"It's not my fault you're so hot," you retort, delighting in the deepening blush on his cheeks. He's just too easy for his own good.
He just huffs in parts exasperation and embarrassment, choosing instead to focus on getting you naked. The playful atmosphere quickly dissipates as he hooks his thumbs into your shorts and panties, and you lift your hips to help him tug them off.
Once he's tossed them somewhere to join the heap of clothes littering your floor, Hyunjin settles himself between your thighs once more but, on his stomach this time. You really, really wish he'd just fuck you and before you're able to verbalise that thought, your boyfriend takes a slow, deliberate lick at you.
A strangled gasp flies from your lips and your hips jolt but, his large hands hold you firm. "Just let me do this for you, okay?" He asks, his stupid, pretty brown eyes boring into yours through his dark hair. His mouth hovers above you, as if waiting for some sort of response from you.
"Fuck, fine Jinnie, okay. Please, just do some-" your words are cut off by a choked sob when Hyunjin takes your words as a green light. His lips attached themselves to your poor clit, licking and sucking in ways that tighten the knots in your gut and causes your toes to curl. Your fingers weaving themselves into his hair and tugging, which prompts a whimper from your boyfriend. The vibrations making your eyes roll into the back of your skull.
A pitchy moans of his name fill the air of your apartment when his slender fingers toy with your entrance. Barely breaching your hole and you want to scream.
"Hyunjin," you whimper out, impatiently tugging on his hair.
"I'm sorry," he mutters against you with a smile and, pushes two of his fingers into you gradually.
They don't fill you nearly as much as you need but, they're better than nothing. That thought is particularly bolstered when he curls them inside of you, only needing a few moments before he finds the spot inside of you that makes your thighs quiver and your mind to go blank. Combined with his unrelenting ministrations on your poor, sensitive clit and how needy you've been for him all day, it all becomes too much so quickly.
"Hyun-Hyunjin, Jinnie. I- I'm-" You're not even sure what you're trying to articulate but, the jumbled mess of words seem to only motivate your boyfriend further. He curls his fingers harder and laps at your clit with renewed enthusiasm.
That's all it takes for everything to fracture.
You're sure the grip you have on Hyunjin's hair hurts but, you can't help it. Everything seizes and your walls spasm viciously, clamping down so harshly on Hyunjin's fingers he can barely keep curling them inside of you. Still, he tries. He's not as intense as he was moments ago but, still fingers you through your orgasm while his tongue gently laps up everything you give him.
You sag against your couch once your body relaxes. You're half certain you'd float up into the air if Hyunjin's grip on you wasn't still so strong. Speaking of your boyfriend, he does eventually unlatches himself from your hypersensitive clit. His hair is completely dishevelled, and you could already see a thin sheen of sweat on his flushed skin. His tongue pokes out to chase every bit of you he can on his bruised lips, his eyes dark.
You're sure he feels the way you clench around his fingers despite quite literally just cumming. He leans down to hungrily kiss you, tasting yourself on his tongue that he pushes into your eager mouth. As if your mind isn't muddled enough. You moan into him when he very slowly pulls his fingers out of you. Now you feel so empty that it physically hurts.
"Jinnie," you plead, your fingers reaching down to toy with the waistband of his boxers. The muscles of his abdomen jumping with every brush of your fingers against them. One of his hands comes down to cup your jaw, pressing a delicate kiss to your lips.
"Fine, fine," he says after pulling away from you and tugging his boxers down. His cock bobs in the air between the two of you as he drops his boxers on your floor. Your heart hammers against your ribcage, and even more of your wetness leaks out of you, smearing your inner thighs.
Hyunjin gets up, and that kicks you out of the stupor you were in. Your hand shoots to grab his wrist, stopping him dead in his tracks.
"Where are you you going?"
"To uh...get condoms?" He asks, confusion evident in both his voice and handsome face.
"Why?"
"Wh-Why?"
"Yeah, why? I'm okay with not using them if you are. I wasn't kidding when I said I really want you to cum inside of me."
Hyunjin closes his eyes then. Gritting his teeth before responding, "What about...y'know? Not that I don't want to have children with you eventually but-"
"Jinnie, I'm on the pill. I have been since I was a teenager."
That stops Hyunjin. His big, brown eyes blinking at you as if he can't quite believe that this is real. That this is happening.
You soften then, slipping your hand downwards to intertwine your fingers with his longer ones, "Hey, we don't have to if you don't want to. We can use condoms if that's what you're comfortable with."
That seems to only make your boyfriend flail harder, "No, no. It's not that I don't want to. Honestly, I've thought about it a lot," that makes you raise an eyebrow, "I've just never- I've just never done it without a condom before."
"Neither have I," you respond easily.
"Really?"
The look you give him is enough for Hyunjin to recognise what a dumb question that was, "Right, okay, sorry."
That seems to ease his anxieties significantly, he doesn't look nearly as tense as he did when you suggested the idea. You tug him down into another deep kiss, wrapping your arms around him as he resumes his place between your thighs. Gasps leaving both of you when his cock nudges at your very wet folds, the barely there pressure and searing heat causing your nails to dig into his shoulders.
"You're 100% sure about this right?" He asks once more, his eyes swirling with nervousness and desire.
While you appreciate how sweet he's being, you're seconds from pulling out your hair if he doesn't just fuck you right now. However, an idea comes to your mind to finally entice your boyfriend into fully letting go.
One of your hands reaches down until you reach the apex of your thighs, spreading your pussy for him to see just how sure you are.
"Yes, Jinnie. Fuck me, please."
Something in Hyunjin snaps then. His mouth swallowing your whimpers as he finally sinks into you. You can feel him practically vibrating with the effort to keep himself composed.
He's so hot inside of you. You're not sure sex has ever felt so intense. You've had him inside of you hundreds of times but, this...this is completely different. You swear you can feel everything. Every twitch and every throb and every vein as your walls melt around him. Before you know it, you're blinking away tears from how overwhelming it all is and pull him closer to you, wrapping your legs around him.
"Fuck, wait. Shit, don't do that. Don't move," he chokes out into the hollow of your throat, his own hold on your hips growing harsh and his cock twitching repeatedly inside of you.
"Jinnie, move," you whine into his ear, you can barely recognise yourself. You sound so foreign to your own ears but, from the way Hyunjin's hips slightly jolt and he mutters a string of curses against your skin, he might be into this new state of fucked out you've managed to achieve.
You thought it couldn't be even intense, but then Hyunjin moves, and you're pretty sure your visions goes black at the edges for a few seconds. There's no way to tell who moans louder but, you both press your noises into each other's skin all the same. Your nails drag down his back so hard that you're briefly worried that you might have drawn blood.
"Baby," Hyunjin whimpers out, thrusting into you slowly and shallowly, barely satisfying either of you, "Baby, I need you to relax. I-I won't last if you don't."
His words only instinctively make you tighten around him, made all the worse since he's so deeply nestled of you. Your walls massaging him and generously coating him in your slick.
"I want it, Jinnie. I don't care, please," you don't know what's possessed you but, the realisation that he very really could fill you with his cum hits you like a train. You pull him even closer to you, "Fuck me all you want. Cum inside of me all you want. Breed me all you want, Jinnie."
Something broken and feral slips from his lips, his teeth ghost over your throat as he fucks into you without abandon. The sounds of your skin colliding and your respective sounds of pleasure echoing all throughout your living room, and probably throughout your entire apartment.
"Yeah? Want me to fuck my baby into you?" He grits out possesively, "Want me to make you swollen with my ba-baby and make you a mommy?"
"Please, yes, Jinnie," you moan, holding onto him for dear life as he seems determined to make his words a reality. Both of you completely lost in each other and delirious.
"Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck," he moans against your shoulder in-between kisses that are more spit and tongue than anything else. "Fuck. Gonna cum. Gonna fill you up with my cum until it's leaking out of you for days. Gonna breed you so good," he slurs, his heavy pants joining the symphony of sounds currently playing through your living room. You're certain you'll have bruises on your hips in the morning but, you couldn't care less. You want it. You want it more than anything.
It's always easy to tell when Hyunjin is about to cum. Your boyfriend isn't exactly great at hiding his emotions, and from the increase in the frequency of curses and moans and the way he holds onto you, you know he's teetering on the edge. You are, too, if you're being honest, but you're more invested in him falling apart. A choked sob of your name is the only warning you receive before you feel his cock twitch inside of you incessantly and warmth flooding your awaiting pussy.
You're surprised to feel some wetness on your shoulder and, concern trumps any other emotion when you register that. Your hands reach to cup his face, a few stray tears streaking his flushed cheeks.
"Hey, Jinnie baby, is everything okay?"
It takes him a few moments to find the words to respond to you, and you rub your thumb soothing on his cheek while you wait for him patiently.
"I-I-I don't think I've e-ever cum so hard. It-It was really i-intense," he hiccups out, nuzzling into your grasp.
Oh.
Well, that puts the tears on his face into a very different light and, perhaps you've discovered another new thing about yourself today.
"I'm sorry. I got a little...out of control at the end there," he mutters, his face speeding from pink to red as he avoids your gaze studiously.
"Jinnie, you have nothing to apologise for," you tug him towards you and plant featherlight kisses on his cheek, "It was really fucking hot, if I'm being honest."
That only makes your boyfriend blush harder and seek refuge in your shoulder after groaning in embarrassment. The movement quickly reminds you that he's still very much inside of you right now and that his cum is slowly starting to trickle out of you but, you feel too boneless to even entertain the idea of getting up right now.
"I'm still surprised seeing me with a baby resulted in all of this," he says after his embarrassment subsides, his fingers tracing nonsensical patterns on your thigh.
"Wouldn't see me with a baby make you feel the same way?"
He seems to ponder on that for a little bit before replying, "Fair point. You know, when we do eventually have one of our own, I hope they have your eyes."
This stupid man and the way he makes your heart race.
"Well, I hope they have your eyes and your pouty lips and your dimples," you retort, feeling very, very shy all of a sudden as though this isn't happening because of you.
"We'll just have to have more than one then. You know, just to make sure they get all of the traits we want them to get," he has the nerve to grin at you.
"Hyunjin!" You cry, scandalised, warmth flooding your face. However, you can't deny that a bunch of children with his smile and kind eyes doesn't sound like the such a bad idea.
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Reblogs are greatly appreciated.
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wanderingxiao · 10 months
Note
hiii, its my first time asking hehe, i have a nsfw request tho i'm not sure if you're up for it (inspired by a conversation i had with my bestie when we're flirting as a joke)
basically, scara and y/n flirting and then says "are you ice cream? cause i’d lick you up till your done" and laugh about it thinking it'll make scara flustered, but he just smirks are y/n and says "Oh that was smooth. Although, I must admit... I have a feeling I would be the one doing all the licking." hehehehe
i hope you have a good day/night!
Filthy Flirt~
Scaramouche x Reader *NSFW*
Warnings: Lewd flirting, Oral (Female receiving), male masturbation, cursing, overstimulation, Scara being slightly mean and suggestive~
A/N: Bro, how tf did this get away from me so fast oml 👀 I should be studying for my final tomorrow but here I am, indulging deeper into my love for Scara 😍💜 Thank you for the request! Hope it’s too your liking! <3
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It was supposed to be a study date. Key words: supposed to. Of course, Scaramouche knew you couldn’t go one interaction with him without flirting playfully with him. It irritated him honestly. How dare you flirt so casually with him without making a move on him? Sure, you’d been best friends for years, but he had wanted more than that for a long time, and your constant flirting was beginning to get the better of him.
“Mm, are you ice cream, Scara? Cause I’d lick you up until you’re finished~” You teasingly cooed to him, putting your chin on your palm as you gazed at him mockingly. A smirk played on your lips when you saw his face flush lightly. Despite his embarrassed blush, he sneered and gave you a scoff, before he stopped and looked back at you. It startled you seeing him smirk so confidently.
“Hmm, smooth. Although, I must admit…” He leaned across the table, his smooth and warm hand coming to pull your shirt forward. His hot breath fanned over your ear, making your cheeks rise in color and your eyes widen in surprise and embarrassment. “I would be the one doing all the licking, wouldn’t you say, (Y/N)?”
You pushed him away flustered, your face completely red. The sexual tension began to rise between the two of you. Your eyes darting all over the place while your face refused to get rid of the glowing blush. Scaramouche was beginning to get frustrated, his mind unable to focus on your project and instead imagining how lovely your voice would sound having him tongue fuck you into oblivion.
“Tsk, forget this stupid fucking assignment.” He slammed his laptop closed, shoving his and your things into his own bag quickly before he snatched up your hand and pulled you out of the booth at the cafe. You were too surprised to even process what was going on before he drug you by your wrist out to his car in the parking garage. “And fuck your stupid teasing. It’s so annoying my ears threaten to fall off every time you say one of those cheesy fucking pick-up lines.”
He yanked the back seat of his car open before he pushed you inside, throwing his things into the floor before he climbed on top of you. His fingers grabbed your face roughly, pulling you into a sloppy and heated kiss. It was no surprise to him how you kissed him back eagerly, it just proved to him that you wanted him to do this. It was all he needed before he began to tug on your skirt and panties, his tongue flicking and swirling over yours as he deepened your passionate kiss.
“A-Ahh, Scara-“ He suddenly clamped his hand over your mouth, his eyes glaring down into yours with a fiery pit of lust pooling from his gorgeous indigo eyes. “Shut up. All I want to hear, are your moans of pleasure from how well I tongue fuck you.” Your body shivered beneath him, nodding obediently at his demanding tone. He smirked, his hands pushing your knees apart eagerly. “Good girl.”
Scaramouche groaned at the sight of your glistening folds on display for him. So wet just from one suggestive little comment from him. “What a fucking whore, I love it.” He keeled down, his breath blowing over your pussy, eyes rolling back at the way your hole clenched around nothing in anticipation. With a sexy groan, Scaramouche flicked his tongue between your folds, the tip gliding up and down your entrance.
A moan tore through your throat, your legs trembling beside his head as you struggled not to close your legs on him. Your neglected clit pulsated under his teasing licks, your hips unconsciously bucking into his mouth for more. His hand came to smack your butt roughly, causing a surprised squeak to leave you as he looked up through his dark beautiful lashes.
“Don’t you dare. You’ll take what I give you. Be a good girl and stay still.” His voice was full of authority, his expression demanding you obey him. He was in complete control right now and there was nothing you could do. Best thing to do is just be a good girl and listen, or else he wouldn’t give you what you were desperately aching for. “M-mhm, I-I’m sorry…”
“So pathetic…” A dry chuckle resonated from his chest, his tongue going back to work against your drooling cunt. His nose came to lightly brush against your puffy clit, his tongue dipping back and forth against your entrance, teasing you cruelly. Your hands gripped against the headrests of his car seats, your teeth grit as you struggled not to move and stay still beneath him. It was proving much more difficult as his nose pushed harder against your clit.
“S-Scara! P-Please- ngh! -n-need more!” Another laugh came from below, his lips vibrating against your pussy. You shuddered in response, looking down between your legs to see him sitting there so comfortably and smug. “Look at you.” He scoffed lightly, bringing his fingers to trace up and down your slit before spreading your folds to see your gaping hole. “So weak and desperate. All at my fingertips. You look good like this. Maybe this will make you be quiet from now on and learn not to tease me, you filthy fucking flirt.”
“Ahh!” You gasped and cried out in bliss from his lips enclosing around your clit, his tongue flicking quickly against it while he occasionally sucked on it. Your back arched, moans picking up in volume, hands flailing and clawing at the headrests in overstimulating bliss. Before you knew it his fingers were knuckle deep inside, pumping quickly inside your pussy. Lewd squelching and sucking noises came from below you, overwhelming your senses and pushing you closer to the edge.
Scaramouche pushed his face further into your cunt, his tongue coming down to flatten against your hole and lick his way up to your clit before giving it a sloppy kiss with a smack of his lips. His back and neck began to ache from the little space in the car, but he didn’t care, your taste was absolutely divine. He didn’t want to stop. Not when the sound of your moans and the taste of your cunt sent him to cloud nine.
“Scara-! Hah! Mmgh! Wait, wait, wait!! Mmhh! I’m c-cumming! G-Gonna- ngh-! Cum! Scara! Scara!” Your beautiful voice grew desperate beneath the sinful touch of his tongue and fingers. Your lips chanted out his name like a mantra, only making the painful stiffness in Scaramouche’s pants more and more unbearable. His unoccupied hand slid down quickly to pull his cock out, quickly stroking it to relieve himself of his aching arousal.
His fingers pushed deeper to hit your sweet spot, his tongue curling over your throbbing clit to send you over the edge. You cried out his name loudly, your hands coming to entangle into his neat indigo hair, pushing his face harder into your cunt as you whined out his name again. He groaned lowly, the movements on his throbbing cock becoming all the more agonizing. He could feel himself getting closer to the edge, getting off on your taste, your touch, and your sexy noises.
You couldn’t hold yourself back anymore, your thighs coming to clamp around his head while your body twitched violently as an intense orgasm washed over your frame, creaming all over his face and his fingers. He quickly pulled his fingers out and pried your thighs off him with one hand before he slammed a hand beside your head, stroking his cock feverishly above your cunt as his climax approached rapidly.
“F-Fuck! (Y/N)! Ngh-!” He let out a few ragged breaths before cursing loudly with a moan following close behind, his cock twitching as he spurt cum all over your slippery cunt. Your juices mixed together, some even dripping against the car seats that slid off your glistened folds. Scaramouche felt light headed, his body burning with pleasure, his face sticky and wet with your fluids and his legs shaky from his intense orgasm. “Shit…” He breathed out. “That was… fucking amazing.”
You were too weak to reply, your legs falling limply beside him as you gazed up tiredly at him. “M-M’ sorry for teasing you… I-I just… like you… a lot.” With a weak smile you leaned up to peck his lips lightly. Your heart almost skipped a beat seeing his slightly flushed face and ghost of a smile. “Tsk, it’s about time you told me…filthy flirt.” He scoffed, turning his head away from you in attempt to hide his flustered expression. He brought his sleeve up to his mouth before he grabbed your skirt and panties and handed them to you embarrassed.
“Now hurry up and put these on. My apartment is 15 minutes away. I suggest you recover quickly, because I’m far from done with you.”
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Thank you reading! Hope you enjoyed! 🥰💜
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church-gets-pegged · 4 months
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AITA for not leaving the military with my friend of 20+ years?
I (39m) have been serving in the military alongside someone I've grown very close to (40m) for over 20 years now, and don't give me any of that "thank you for your service" bullshit because it all sucked and we kept getting tangled up with the repercussions of this top secret failed military project or whatever that almost got us killed MULTIPLE times. The details aren't important, all that matters is that it eventually led to our Sergeant getting killed recently and leaving me as the team leader.
Anyways, throughout these 20+ years, the guy I mentioned earlier has expressed the entire time how much he hates it and wants out. He complains a lot but he actually has accomplished a lot, although neither of us would ever admit that to each other. But he's clearly pretty miserable here, so as the new leader, the very first thing I did was discharge him. It's what he's been begging for since basic and I figure after all the shit we've been through, he's earned it. I expected him to pack his things and leave right then and there, but no, he immediately asks me to come with him. This threw me off completely; I figured he'd want out with no reminders of any of the past 20 years, but no, he wanted me to come with him.
I didn't know what to tell him. Our sergeant had just died, and I felt like abandoning the position he'd left me would be a dishonor to his memory. I owed it to him to stay after everything he'd done for me personally, and besides, I felt like I was finally doing something with my life, like after all these years I'd finally found success. So I said no, and I stayed. He's long since home by now spending time with his sister, and I can't help but start to feel like I made the wrong choice. I mean, I'm literally the only member of our team left now aside from the robot that our sergeant made who only speaks Spanish (long story) but I'm pretty sure he hates me and wants me to leave. So AITA for not leaving?
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natriae · 3 months
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Best friend omi and reader where it’s like mutual pining but one day omi just loses it and kisses reader and they make out filthily✨??
So i may be back from my mini (mega) hiatus... :0
I miss my omi-omi <3
CW// she/her pronouns used, reader is described as having hair (but no details on the hair itself), 14+ , reader is described as introverted (i'm projecting), please let me know if i missed any!
1.8k words
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To say the majority of MSBY was shocked to see a woman bring Sakusa Kiyoomi a hearty meal and scold him about not taking care of himself would be an understatement. Meian genuinely thought he woke up in another timeline, and it definitely didn't help that Atsumu had barely reacted.
With the season just beginning many of the MSBY had not had time to meet their new teammates. Yes, they knew who they were, and yes, they had made light conversation with them at VBA events, but they didn't really know much about the new members. Barnes honestly had assumed Sakusa was celibate, or completely shut down anything that included sharing germs, yet here their new opposite hitter is letting this girl, no woman, sit him down and grab his leg to put in her lap. The man barely reacts. He just let her examine his ankle before listening closely for her next words.
‘There's no way she’s his girlfriend’ Tomas thinks, but the way Sakusa watches her makes him question everything. Didn't Bokuto comment on Sakusa never being able to pull. There's no way Sakusa could pull her, especially with his attitude.
"Hey, Miya-san," Meian calls over. Atsumu stops practicing sets against the wall to jog over to his new captain.
"’es, Captain," Miya quickly bows to his superior. Even out of college the older twin still has his boyish charm.
"Just Meian-san is fine," Meian quickly responds, watching Atsumu's face light up (oh will Meian regret that later). "Who's the girl with Sakusa?" he nods his head towards the two of you. Now you're fixing Sakusa's hair while he drinks his water.
"whatta' ya mean?" Atsumu asks, face scrunching in confusion. Sure, he has a few theories on what Meian is implying, but he wants to hear it outloud so he knows he's not delusional.
"Is that Sakusa-san's girlfriend?" Tomas interjects. The three men watch as the two of you converse with light blush on your cheeks.
"Y/N?" the finally toned-blonde laughs at the thought, "Sakusa couldn't pull her even if he had a fishing rod," the twin continues, "the two of them have known each other for years. I always thought Sakusa had a thing for her, but it doesn't seem to be going anywhere".
While Atsumu yaps, Meian can't help, but watch his new teammate in awe. Compared to the others, Sakusa was more introverted. As a captain he wants to know his teammates - friends - inside and out. Be able to build a bond with them that will last, yet Sakusa has proven to be the hardest of all. You make it seem so easy. The curly haired man will beg at feet if he must. How did you dig your way into him?
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"Kiy," you poke your head through the locker room door, "it's getting late you almost done?" Behind the wall you hear the shower turn off and the soft wet steps of Kiyoomi. He's always been a gentle giant. On the outside he seems intimidating, but honestly he’s just trying to protect himself.  "Can I come in, yet?" you smile waiting for his response.
Ever since Kiyoomi joined the big leagues you can't help but bask in the joy with him. He's wanted this forever, and you're so happy you were able to watch him succeed. Kiyoomi's family was proud of him, yes, but not in the way you were. They didn't see all the highs and lows. They didn't notice the small changes in his mood, or how he would continually work himself to exhaustion. They always saw him at his best, but their Kiyoomi was not your Kiyoomi. Actually most people's Kiyoomi isn't your Kiyoomi. You know him better than most. You know how he struggled in highschool socially, and how he struggled again moving out. How he wasn't used to someone not commenting on his every move. So imagine his surprise when you didn't fill that spot in college. You always made him feel valid in his thoughts.
"I'm dressed," his voice responds. For most people they would be shocked to know that Sakusa now bathes after everyone else. It wasn't a germ thing. It simply just made more sense to shower before the chaos. Also, who wants to share germs with a teenage boy anyway. He changed his habit so it allowed some time to decompress before driving home, plus it allowed more time to spend with you before he drove you back to your apartment.
Walking in you round the corner to see the rows of lockers. It wasn't long before you spotted him. His sweatpants hung low on his hips as he began rubbing the moisturizer on his face. This was always your favorite time. Watching Sakusa perform his night routine always motivated you to do more. He's always been so disciplined.
"So how was that party with your friends," his voice cuts through your thoughts. Looking up you notice how his eyes remained on you through the mirror.
"it...it was okay," you responded, rolling your lips in between your teeth. It was much easier to direct your thoughts to caring about him than your own social life.
"it wasn't. Tell me," he says. The demand in his voice was one you still haven't mastered not being affected by. Something about talking to him was so easy, allowing the words to flow out like his words were a truth potion. 
"There were some new girls there I haven't met before, and we were telling stories to get to know one another, and um," Kiyoomi's eyes never leave your face through the mirror, "the topic of our first kisses came up, and when it got to my turn-"
"you froze," He finished for you.
"Yeah," you say looking down. You watch as his feet turn and begin walking to your position on the bench.
"So what did you end up telling them?" By the way he softly looks at you, you're sure he completely trusts you. He knows you would have told him if something had changed. You’re sure he already knows your answer before you tell him.
"the truth," you respond solemnly. He doesn't need you to say it to know how embarrassed you are. “Having a horrible first kiss is one thing, but being 23 and never having kissed anyone is a completely different situation.”
The way Sakusa turns back around to pack up his stuff isn't one of rejection, but in a way that tells you he'd rather finish this conversation when you have his full attention. "You know, at least you've never kissed anyone you would later regret," he shrugs, zipping up his duffle.
"look at you being on the bright side," you state, partly in shock, and partly in the hopes that the two of you can change the conversation. A smile breaks out on your face just from speaking to him. With his bag now on his shoulder he watches you, silently telling you to get up.
"hey, you’re more likely now to have a memorable kiss than before,"
"Sure, but everyone is way more experienced than me," you sulk trailing behind him out of the stadium.
"not everyone," He quietly says, just enough for you not to hear. 
The walk to the car was silent for the most part. The only noise heard were the late night crickets chirping and the occasional sound of a car passing on the main road. No matter how many times Kiyoomi explained it to you, it never made sense why he always parked at the very back of the parking lot. Which is quite far considering this is an official stadium. His long strides were no match for you, so while attempting to catch up you continued speaking hoping to remind him of your presence. “It’s just I’ve always received compliments from girls, which honestly is still pretty limited, but the best compliment a guy told me was, get this, ‘you’re not pretty now, but you’ll be prettier when you're older’. Well guess what I’m older and still nobody wants me,” you sigh.
While you yap the car the lights blink once, and a small beep is heard. His trunk pops open and surprisingly he carelessly throws his bag in slamming it shut. It all happens before you have time to comprehend it. His long, lean body swiftly turns around and presses you to the side of his car. His forehead resting on yours while his hands grip your arms tightly. “You don’t get it do you?” he whispers before leaning in. 
His lips press on to yours with inexperience. Your eyes widened as he continued to chase your plump lips. You may have found the one thing Sakusa Kiyoomi is not skilled at, yet his passion is at an all time high. You want to laugh. There is so little time to wonder if it’s nervous laughter or if you genuinely find this funny. He’s clumsy and you swear his body begins to shake with nervousness, but he’s trying. It’s more than just a kiss. Your heart connects with his. You’ve never felt this type of euphoria before. Nervous, definitely nervous laughter.  His hands begin to loosen as he draws back from you. The sparks connecting the two of you begin to break. It hurts in a greedy way. You want nothing more than to just grab his collar and slam him back into you, but he’s your Kiyoomi and he knows exactly what you want without you having to ask. There’s only one way to describe the way Kiyoomi kisses. It’s messy and unskilled. Two words that he would never want to associate with. The second kiss is wet and the sounds are vulgar. His hand moves from your arm and wraps lightly around your hair as he presses into your head. He wants more. The greed has consumed you both and simply kissing is not enough. Finally gaining control of your arms you slowly run your arms up his chest feeling the soft cloth of his t-shirt, but like always he’s faster than you. Both of his hands grip your wrists to push them up to his shoulders as if begging for you to latch onto him. Everything about this moment is rushed. Even though your introverted brains are yelling at you, the chance of anyone seeing you two is all too exciting. Your tongue shy pokes out first. A small lick on Kiyoomi’s bottom lip to know if he wants it too, and just as everything else Kiyoomi’s tongue is licking into your mouth before you have time to process it. Your tongues dance through kisses just as the wind does the same between both of your bodies. Pressed so close to one another that you can feel his rapid heartbeat, but all good things will eventually come to an end and the black haired male draws back first. 
“I meant something like that,” he whispers, still holding you tight to his body.
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A/N: I really hope y'all got my new girl reference. Also, FUN FACT I actually did receive that 'compliment' from a guy once (the only time a guy complimented me). Anyway, I really have not been in a good head space so I'm sorry for just kind disappearing, but writing does give me joy so i'm going to try and answer my asks.
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writer-in-theory · 1 year
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inspired by a conversation i had with @serenity-lattes over a fic i'm writing
--
"Hey, Steve, why didn't you tell us you had a brother?"
There were a lot of things that Steve still didn't know about his family. He didn't know his great-grandparents moved to the United States from Italy until he had to do an ancestry project his senior year, and he'd just learned last week that there were others on his mother's side with hearing loss like him. Still, Steve knew that despite all the secrecy, there was no way he had a secret brother.
"I don't have a brother," Steve told Robin as much, coming back into the living room to see Robin and Eddie huddled over something. "What makes you think that?"
"Harrington, I think dear ol' dad's lying to you," Eddie teased, handing over the paper they were staring at.
Birth Certificate
This is to certify that Robert Steven Harrington Jr weighing 8 lbs. 13 oz. was born on the 13th day of December to Robert and Theresa Harrington in the year of 1967.
"How the hell did you find my birth certificate?" Steve balked, watching his best friend and boyfriend stare at him like he had two heads.
"Your birth certificate?" Robin repeated, eyes drifting back down to stare at the paper in his hands.
"Who else's would it be? Am I missing something?" It wasn't too uncommon for Steve to miss the joke, especially with people as quick-witted as Robin and Eddie. Still, this one seemed particularly confusing to even the others, with all three of them staring at each other in complete cluelessness.
"No, no, no," Eddie spoke up then, snatching the certificate out of Steve's hands and holding it up to the light like that might make reading it easier. "There is no way I'm dating a Robert."
Wait...
"You thought my legal name was Steve?"
Was that all this was? Steve didn't fully understand the big deal, especially since he'd never once gone by his legal first name. Even as a kid his parents were calling him Steven, eventually caving and calling him Steve as he wished by the time he entered middle school. He thought everyone had known by now, what with Tommy choosing to call him 'Robert' whenever he was upset with Steve.
"Why would I think anything else? Steven Harrington, how could you not tell me!" Robin shouted, playfully hitting his shoulder when all he did was laugh.
"Robert Harrington," Eddie corrected, immediately pulling a groan from his boyfriend.
"Uh uh, you're not calling me that," Steve decided, taking the certificate back and tucking it away in the drawer where they'd found it. Tomorrow he'd have to dig through the house and hide anything else he didn't want them to see, including any pictures his mother might have left lying around.
"How about Junior?" Robin tried, bursting into laughter at Eddie's responsive cackle. "I mean, who knew someone would go by a nickname of their middle name?
"Are you two done yet?" Steve groaned, tipping his head back to look at the ceiling.
"Aw, c'mon, Robbie, you love us." That was Eddie judging by the arm quickly slung over Steve's shoulders and the kiss planted firmly on his cheek. "I just can't believe you didn't tell us that Stevie isn't your name."
"Stevie has never been my name," Steve laughed, stepping away from Eddie's hug and laughing when the man's arms reached out to hold onto him tighter. "I'll take it over Robert."
"I knew you loved it, baby," Eddie teased, laughing at Steve's expression.
Then Steve grinned, turning to face Eddie so he could lean in close. Right as Eddie licked his lips in anticipation of a kiss, Steve patted his cheek and said, "Baby, you didn't even know my name."
He and Robin laughed until they could hardly breathe, but Eddie was the one laughing when he had the entire Party calling Steve "Rob" the next morning.
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venusmage · 4 months
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Commission/Life update for 2024
EDIT 9/16/24
As of now I've resolved around 15 commissions since this post was made at the start of June! This is much faster than I was going the past year. They're going well and I thank everyone again who has been so patient and kind. I've gotten nothing but kindness as a response to the wait, even from those who have been waiting for over a year by now. Thank you.
I recently started two new jobs and school again, so I'm a little busy. BUT everyone is (albeit not at a super fast speed) moving up in queue! Once the owed "Full" commissions are done, I expect to get through Sketch Coms even faster and currently I'm at a good pace to be done by the end of the year.
The best days to reach me are Mondays, Wednesdays and Thursdays at the moment. Otherwise it might take me a day or so to get back to you. I work on my own projects on the weekends to preserve my sanity, lol! Just know if I'm drawing something else, I haven't forgotten my queue!
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Original post:
Just want everyone to know I AM okay now and life has gotten better recently. However the past year and a half have been extremely difficult and I'm only now getting back on my feet. I generally don't like sharing life details publicly, but as a freelancer with clients that have been waiting for a while I feel like transparency is key.
If you don't want an explanation for the delays and just want to know my completion timeline, that's totally okay. Here is all the info up front. I'm going to continue updating my commission queue as usual and will not be accepting any more orders until ALL of the queue is completed. I'm working on finishing the half and full bodies first since they've been the longest waiting in queue. Then the rest. I don't have a set date in mind for when they'll be all done for good but the goal is by the end of the year. I think that's more than doable for me now. If you're a client of mine and have questions/concerns, please message me either here or on Discord and I'll do my best to help you. My username on discord is the same as my Tumblr username. Twitter and Ko-Fi are also options but I don't check them as frequently. I usually work Monday-Thursday so that will be the best time to shoot me a message or expect an update to the queue.
Information on what's been going on is below.
CW for mentions of death, financial hardship and homophobia.
As a few of you might remember, in 2019 I was disowned by my mother for being a lesbian. I made the choice to go no-contact. Since then, up until LAST YEAR, she's routinely harassed me or had other family harass me, stalked me on social media, tried to get to me through the website I take commission orders, and threatened me multiple times. I was forced to move across the country both because I felt unsafe and because my partner had family elsewhere that were more accepting. I've had to change my phone number twice.
It's been extremely difficult both financially and mentally to keep my head above water. In 2021 my grandfather died and I still haven't felt like I've been able to properly grieve. I wasn't able to see him due to her and I wasn't invited to his funeral. We were very close and he meant the world to me. In 2023 my grandmother passed away very suddenly as well, and my mother used it as an excuse to harass me over ko-fi/my professional email. It was such a horrific experience that I fell into a months long spiral that I only just now feel like I'm climbing out of. This is when commissions first stalled. I was also starting to get overwhelmed, as I had to take on more work than I could realistically handle in order to pay bills and rent. That's really it - I just had to take more orders so we weren't kicked out of our apartment, and as my mental state deteriorated I couldn't keep up.
The good news is that my wife and moved earlier this year we're living with supportive(!) family now and our financial burden is much lighter. This gives me time to work on my backlog without re-opening. I'm also going to school again, back in college starting this summer for a second degree. For my own health after commissions are finished I'm likely going to take a break on opening them for a good while, even though I really enjoy doing them.
In the past two months amazing and not-amazing things have happened. The amazing thing is I got an ADHD diagnosis, something I didn't even know had been ruining my life for years. I'm still getting used to the proper medications but I'm already seeing a big improvement. It's as much of a relief as it is frustrating. My mother also reared her head again (like she usually does at least once a year) - this time, though, I learned she'd had a stroke. While I'm not involved with her anymore, I think most people could understand how it would still be a very weird and upsetting situation. As of right now I'm free of her once again, she seems to be making a good recovery and will hopefully continue to live a happy life far away from me. Still, those two things back to back have been a LOT to deal with on top of just trying to get better in general. I stepped away from the internet for a while for my own sanity.
The downside to being a freelancer is that there's not always a safety net. That's what happened to me. Thank you all very much for being kind and patient, I genuinely have had nothing but polite interactions with all of you and I really appreciate it. I'm sorry my personal bullshit got in the way of getting my work done for you. This is the longest I've ever taken to complete commissions and it's something that I'm deeply ashamed of. I promise they will get done. Being medicated and starting to recover from the family drama has revitalized me a bit. If you have any questions or concerns please reach out.
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bluejayblueskies · 1 year
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the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the ambition of the world | phynoma
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[ID: Two pictures of two hand-bound books, the first of which shows their front covers and the second of which shows their spines and part of their front covers at an angle. The leftmost book is bound in yellow bookcloth and has a hand-embroidered smiling mouth with bloody teeth on the bottom portion of the front and back cover. The title, "the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the ambition of the world" is in the top right corner in black as well as the words "volume one" in maroon. The rightmost book is bound in red bookcloth and has a hand-embroidered ribcage on the lefthand side of the front cover and the righthand side of the back cover. The title, "the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the ambition of the world" is in the top right corner in black as well as the words "volume two" in white. Both volumes have stitching across the spine that joins the embroidery on the front and back covers so that the design stretches across the spine. /End ID]
It's finally time to share the books I made for the 2023 Rusty Quill Big Bang, hosted by @pilesofnonsense! This year, I was paired with the wonderful @phynoma, who wrote a post-circus AU entitled the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the ambition of the world where Jon is marked by an entity known as the Consuming that feeds off hunger and desire and focuses, in Jon's case, around sexual hunger and desire. It's a truly spectacular fic with excellent worldbuilding, spot-on characterization, and a wide variety of sexual encounters of all flavors, and I highly recommend it!
As this fic is written in transcript format, I wanted to go with an open-spine binding style that would have the advantage of both lying extremely flat when opened and giving the fic a more screenplay-like appearance. Also as a consequence of the transcript format, the final page count ended up being large enough that I split the fic into two volumes, the first of which covers season three and the second of which covers seasons four and five.
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[ID: Two pictures of the same hand-bound books, the first of which shows volume one and the second of which shows volume two. Both books are fully open to display their front and back covers touching. We can see that the embroidered design, half of which is on the front cover and half of which is on the back, forms a complete picture when the book is fully open. /End ID]
Each volume has hand-embroidered front and back covers, with titles done in black, white, and maroon gel pen. The covers were designed so that when the book is fully open, the front and back cover designs come together to form one single cohesive image. Additionally, when the book is closed, the spine stitching was done so that the design stretches across the spine, thus making the full design complete whether the book is fully open or fully closed. I'm really proud of how these covers turned out, and even though the embroidery took much longer than I anticipated it taking, it's definitely something I would do again!
More description and pictures of the interior of the books are below the cut:
I went with a visually simple yet technically complex design for the typeset of this fic. Microsoft Word's styles were very much my friend, as well as its advanced find-and-replace feature, to automate a lot of the formatting for this fic. The most complex bits were the group chat excerpts and making sure all the profile pictures were positioned correctly, as well as the email chain excerpts in volume one. The text messages were done separately in an HTML workspace and then included via screenshots, and because I had an HTML/CSS text message code already sitting around from a previous project, those were relatively simple to format!
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[ID: Eight pictures of the interior of the hand-bound books from previous photos. The first picture shows the title page of volume one, which has the title and author name in black and "volume one" in red, as well as a picture of a ginko tree. The second picture shows the title page of volume two, which has the title and author name in black and "volume two" in red, as well as a picture of a cherry blossom tree. The third picture shows the colophon and table of contents for volume two, highlighting the binder logos--a bluejay and a bookpress--and the faux-label table of contents title. The fourth picture shows the chapter header page for the chapter "voyeurism" in volume one, featuring brackets around the notes, content warnings, and pairings for the chapter as well as a quote from the confessions of augustine, which is separated from the warnings with an open eye graphic. The fifth picture shows the beginning of the chapter "hunger in the garden" in volume two, displaying the transcript formatting of the text as well as the faux-label chapter name on the top left. The sixth picture shows text messages in volume two, which are formatted the same as text messages on an iOS system with blue and gray bubbles and a name header that says "Jonathan Sims." The seventh picture shows some chapter text as well as a faux-office memo, done in a sans serif font, written from Elias Bouchard to the Archives team. The eighth picture shows on the left page faux emails, done in an iOS style with profile pictures for each email, and on the right page a faux-group message with profile pictures for each member and a header that labels the groupchat as the Snarkivists. /End ID]
The fonts used for this typeset were chosen based on those used for the unofficial Magnus Archives transcripts--DejaVu Sans Mono for the chapter intro pages and Libre Baskerville for the body text. I'm not 100% sure that those are the actual fonts used for the unofficial transcripts, but based on the reverse font search I did, those seem to be a close match for it.
This was a big project for me, and I'm so happy to finally see it to completion! Once again, a big thanks to Phynoma for being such a wonderful partner to work with--I'm excited to send you these books so you can see them in person 💜
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riizebabie444 · 1 year
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𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙙𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙫𝙞𝙗𝙚𝙨 𝙥𝙖𝙘 🌠
🌠 ─── hello and welcome, today’s tarot reading will be a sort of vibe check, basically what vibes me and my cards are getting from you at the moment.
🌠 ─── picking your pile: take a deep breath and allow your soul to centre itself. when you feel your mind balanced and cleared, allow yourself to be drawn to an image. your eyes may gravitate to one, or you may close your eyes and feel which image is calling out.
🌠 ─── be sure to check out my other readings and don’t forget to share and give feedback. disclaimer: all readings done are for entertainment only. please do not use my tarot readings as a replacement for legitimate advice.
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🌠 ─── masterlist. paid readings. exchange rules.
donations. games/events. feedback.
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𝙥𝙞𝙡𝙚 𝙤𝙣𝙚 🌠
firstly, i'm getting pile one that you are in creative energy right now. you could be experiencing a bout of inspiration and expressing yourself creatively, such as with art, writing or music. it could also be creativity with problem solving or coming up with a project idea. but i'm sensing there is something playful and personal to you, whatever creative thing you are doing or are planning to do is something you will enjoy. perhaps it is something you did when you were younger. it's going to bring out your inner child, help you understand your deepest passions. it's very nostalgic.
for some of you, you may be spending too much time daydreaming. you have a vast imagination which is a wonderful thing but too much of your time is being spent on what if's and unrealistic desires, such as fantasising about your life as a celebrity when in real life you have homework due that you've not yet completed. like i said, it's great to have a wild and creative imagination, but this is your check in to get control of your mind because it's affecting your productivity and efficiency. you can be ambitious, but be practical also instead of doing things in your head but not in real life.
𝙥𝙞𝙡𝙚 𝙩𝙬𝙤 🌠
for some of you who chose pile two, you may be feeling like your life is chaotic right now. i think for a number of you, not all of you, you may have experienced some conflict recently. perhaps an argument with a family member or falling out with a friend. because of this, you feel like your life is falling apart. for the most part, you guys are going through a strengthening experience. you're stronger than you've been before, and more confident. you may also be struggling to adapt to a new change in your life.
overall, there is shifting energy, like changes are happening in your life. they could be big or small but the majority of you will get through this quickly. even still, you're feeling quite balanced. some of you might be learning something also, or getting ready to learn, such as preparing for the new school year or investing in personal classes. you might be feeling restless, like in an excited way but still nervous for something new. but again, you're handling your anxiousness well. i'm getting calm and balanced energy, but for some of you, you need to get over this tower moment before you can find balance and clarity again.
𝙥𝙞𝙡𝙚 𝙩𝙝𝙧𝙚𝙚 🌠
some of you are stuck in a shell, others are coming our of your shell. have you been feeling introverted lately? those kinds of moods where you don't want to leave your bedroom or home. you kind of just want to wallow in your own energy and avoid people and situations. i feel like most of you who chose this pile are homebodies anyway so you don't mind being stuck in this energy. but at the same time, you're looking forward to a positive energy shift. you're ready to finally leave your bedroom and see the sun. you're energy is being renewed, you're ready to let go of the loneliness and gloominess.
there is enlightening energy walking away from this isolation. i think some of you might be feeling disconnected from the world and from the people around you. maybe some of you got caught in this energy because of a breakup or a falling out. there is separation involved with some of you which has caused an imbalance in your life but you are slowly finding that balance again and putting effort into making things up to yourself. i don't feel this energy is too depressing, or too sad. however, it's definitely lonely and the decision to escape isolation is in your hands. make those plans you've been thinking about all week. focus on those projects that have been begging for your attention. it takes one small step start the shift in energy.
𝙥𝙞𝙡𝙚 𝙛𝙤𝙪𝙧 🌠
are you preparing for something right now, pile four? quite ambitious about something, you're excited for it. i feel like it's taking up your mind for most of the day. you've been looking forward to this. i think for some you're feeling quite practical and productive. i'm getting starting a new job or starting the new school year vibes. you've been looking forward to it. you feel confident. you have in your mind the exact type of person you want to be. you're excited to learn new skills and accomplish what you've been wanting. but you may be having issues with concentration.
for some, i think you have an exam or a project due but you've been neglecting it and it is making you feel frustrated. it's immature on your part. you've also been very materialistic lately, like you want to buy the new trendy thing you saw on the internet or you want to buy a new tech product like a phone or a laptop. you're having thoughts that you won't be happy until you own that thing but the problem is that materialism is like an addiction. you can't keep buying new things that aren't worth the money, it will hold you back. start asking yourself if you really need these things or if you need to start controlling your urges and take time off from the internet.
𝙥𝙞𝙡𝙚 𝙛𝙞𝙫𝙚 🌠
pile five, i think you are feeling quite stubborn art the moment. are you refusing to apologise for something? do you feel like others are ganging up on you? you're very determined but you are experiencing energy that is overbearing. it could be you're attitude to others, or others attitude towards you, or even your attitude to yourself. you want to get away from it all. you're feeling quite detached, however you are also feeling great awareness. you understand that with freedom comes vulnerability, but still, you're willing to make sacrifices as long as you can get away.
the energy and thoughts you are having are very much a double edged sword. for example, you're thinking of doing something which will benefit yourself but at the cost of those around you. be mindful of your ambitions because they can be damaging to yourself also. there is a hint of betrayal here, it's not for all of you. are you feeling defeated? do you feel like you're being forced to surrender? it's quite heavy energy, i think you're really going through it, pile five. but my message to you is to not stop planning for your future. despite all that is holding you back, you need a plan for if you ever decide to make the move to get away from it all. things will brighten up eventually.
𝙥𝙞𝙡𝙚 𝙨𝙞𝙭 🌠
i think some of you are entering a celebratory period. it doesn't need to be for you necessarily, perhaps you are celebrating for someone else's occasion. but i think those who chose pile six are in a mood to be social and meet with friends and family, maybe dance to music and so on. some of you might be feeling weary of others' intentions. perhaps you don't feel comfortable with the way someone is treating you or you're getting a weird vibe from someone. you shouldn't doubt your intuition but at the same time, don't let it hold you back. go forth and meet with your people, celebrate whatever it is knowing that if anyone tries to hurt you, it's a reflection of their own insecurities, not yours.
as much as you want to, don't go picking for drama or calling people out. remain comfortable in your own wise energy and focus on the positivity in your life and of those around you. that is what will make them shut up, because they know their negativity or toxicity can't affect you. you have dreams and you want to reach them, so go for it. don't let anyone hold you back. let things remain a mystery. you don't need to know every single thing. i'm feeling that you want to be a high energy/high vibe person but you're not cutting out the things and people that lower your vibe. you're feeling afraid but just remember, you'll have so much more to celebrate when you do.
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