#I'm not saying a breakup is easy but get some self respect

[scentofpines]

my sister broke up with her boyfriend for the second time 3 months ago and moved back in with us and now he's already visiting her again every weekend?? And she talks about him very adoringly ughhh this guy openly admitted to her that he doesn't like it when she is happy if he is not the cause for her happiness. He was mad at her for going out to work (besides her fulltime studying at uni) on weekends bc she didnt have "enough time" for him anymore but in the same breath complained that she didn't pay enough rent for her part of the house THAT HE DIDNT PAY A PENNY FOR bc he inherited it. Then he indirectly accused her of cheating on him bc she had a male friend help her move out of his house 3 months ago. And now it looks like they might get back together I'M GONNA LOSE MY FUCKING MIND

[pandemellia]

Ugly Thoughts #4: Idiots surround themselves with other idiots🤡

So there's this artist my ex's partner is mutuals with.

I visited his Twitter page a few times. Talented artist. That's cool.

Until one day, (I think this happened around early October) I noticed my ex's partner liked a tweet he posted about getting into a new relationship.

I'm thinking like, "but didn't he drew art of his girlfriend, like a few months ago?"

Then the thread mentioned how he didn't care about how he was moving too fast, how he didn't care who it affects, yadda yadda.

I looked at the artist's ex girlfriend's Twitter for clues on when they broke up because I got a little curious. It was around late September. This guy jumped into another relationship around a week after his last one ended.

As I mentioned before, it's a huge pet peeve of mine when people rebound.

It shows how desperate they are; and let's be honest, they're only using the rebound to fill a void within them because they can't stand to be alone. This is unfair to the new partner. That being said, I don't feel sorry for the rebound partner if they know they're dating someone who just got out of a relationship. Actions have consequences. They're asking to be used. Rebounding instead of shows weakness, and that's just unattractive to me.

I hate how some people are like, "pEoPlE hEaL aT dIfFeReNt pAcEs". Shut the fuck up, you're just letting your emotions control you.

I say as I let my unhealthy attachment to my ex have me stalk his socials lol—BUT at least what I do is not at the expense of anyone else's mental health.

Rebounding also proves how little they respected their prior relationship. Did they really love them in the first place if their ex was so easy to replace? Like you already abandoned them, why you gotta rub salt in the wound by dating someone else so soon? Maybe the dumper had an ex who was a huge asshole, and did deserve being broken up with. Still, why use someone else's energy and time to fulfill your hedonistic urges? Being single for a while to heal isn't gonna kill ya. Trust me, I should know.

Moving too fast really shows some people's need for instant gratification and how quick some people are are to swap out partners like they're objects (it's already bad enough that this is easy to do with dating apps).

I don't know, something about rebounding feels so wrong. I really hate breakups and abandonment that much, I guess.

I'm not gonna sugarcoat it; I judged the fuck out of this person, especially when he said, "I don't care who it affects". I don't have the slightest idea on who initiated the break up, or what happened. But that comment rubbed me the wrong way. That phrase didn't sound like a self care type of selfish, it sounded more like a malicious type of selfish.

Then they tweeted about how in love they are with this person, which is something else I hate about people that rebound.

Bitch, you are not in love with them. You're infatuated with them, or you're thinking with your privates. Yes, attraction does lead to love, but it needs to develop first. Which takes TIME.

I feel like these are the type of people that think love is a feeling, and not a choice, so that's why they dump people because they simply "lost feelings for them".

Fucking idiots. You're obviously not gonna be in love with your partner 24/7. The honeymoon phase is not gonna last forever, so stop chasing it by going from relationship to relationship as soon as the infatuation ends. Keeping the love alive is an effort both parties in the relationship will have put into long term. Love doesn't work the way it does in these fake ass romantic fairytale movies. You'd think these grown ass adults would know that by now.

The homewrecker even commented the first tweet saying that it's great they both found happiness. 🤡

This makes me seem like a bitch; but God when I read that, I wished this guy's new relationship failed. XD

I know, I'm so miserable, that I wish bad on people who have nothing to do with me lol.

But listen here, it's homewreckers and people that move on too fast that enable each other and think their selfish actions are appropriate like these assholes are doing.

It's an echo chamber.

It's idiots surrounding themselves with other idiots.

The more idiots there are with this selfish ideology, the more pain they spread and waste other people's time.

So my wishes came true. This guy and his new girlfriend broke up about a week ago.

I like how he tries to play it off saying that it wasn't gonna work anyway because she was problematic.

Which is unfortunate that people like that still exist, but this is what happens when you rush into a relationship without getting to know the other person. That's yet another problem with jumping from one relationship to another.

You had it coming.

Now if only my other wishes came true.

That's what I'd call a Christmas miracle. XD

[yourmoonmomma]

hi Alex, how are you? It’s breakup anon. firstly, a huge happy belated birthday 🥺🩷 I hope you had an amazing day, I wish you all the happiness and love for the year ahead!

my ex won’t return my stuff, and we were supposed to have a closure conversation yesterday in person. He didn’t show up so I had a self care day instead. It was really difficult not to cry in public though. I’m getting really tired of replaying all the events, I’m not upset that we’re not together, I’m hurt by what happened and how much I put up with..I have a lot of people telling me “it’s just a breakup move on”. Firstly, I don’t have a large social circle, i live in a rural area and I wfh. secondly, this goes deeper than just a breakup… things happened that have really messed me up. Of course I don’t share these details with anyone other than my best friend but therapy doesn’t seem to be helping either. My boundaries, self respect and trust all gone :(

I lost even more self respect by messaging him again yesterday and today. I asked if he was showing up and that I needed my stuff back. Silence. Today I messaged him the “closure” which was just a long ass paragraph detailing how I felt about the relationship. Stupid I know. I feel ridiculous :( idk if he’ll even read them but I’ve blocked and deleted him number now. I feel so dumb for stooping so low and continuously messaging him when he held his position and kept silent.

Hi! I'm doing alright, on day 2 of feeling okay, if not good. Let's hope it lasts a few more days! Thank you for the birthday wishes <33

I'm sorry to hear you've been having such a rough time! I'd ask how you are in return, but I think it goes without saying <33

You are grieving, lovebug. It sounds like you're grieving a lot of different things too; him, perhaps a loss of self-identity, the time that has passed, even those feelings of humiliation & lack of self-respect can lead to your grieving your past self perhaps. Grief is difficult and hard, and there's no easy or right way to handle it. And nobody seems to talk about the grief that comes with breakups. But it IS there and it hurts. Please know that it is okay to not be able to move on. As you said, there's a lot more to this situation than people realize! You are allowed to grieve and be angry or hurt or sad for as long as you need to be. And even if there wasn't more going on, and it was "just a breakup"... That's still a breakup!! You are losing a person you loved. In your case, it sounds like you are losing a person you loved, "despite" how small you made yourself for him (I could be assuming there of course so I'm sorry if I'm wrong!). If I'm reading your message properly, you're likely feeling that "I did whatever you wanted/became the person you wanted, and you still couldn't love me back/stay with me." feeling, and with that comes anger and confusion and shame and potentially feeling not good enough for anyone again. AGAIN I could be wrong with these assumptions, I'm so sorry if I'm accidentally putting thoughts into your head that weren't there before!! But speaking from personal experience, I know I've definitely felt that way before. And if that IS how you're feeling, know those feelings of inadequacy are lying to you. You are good enough. It will take time to discover who you are again, and learn to be okay, but you have time. There is no rush to healing (even if we wish there was sometimes). Feel your emotions, you're allowed <3

Do you mind me asking why you feel therapy isn't working? I'd love to talk about that more, if you wanted! I'm a huge advocate for therapy haha!

I'm sorry he isn't returning your stuff. I don't know where you live, but I have heard of people calling non-emergency police lines to have an escort to get their possessions back. I don't know if that's an option for you or not, but wanted to make you aware of it! Your therapist may also have some ideas for you <33

Lastly, you are NOT stupid for what you've done. I would have done the same. I have done the same. I am INCREDIBLY proud of you for blocking him (and I will not judge you if that changes by the next time you reach out!). You are hurting. The things you do when you are hurting are not stupid. It is you trying to cope. No one can fault your for that.

(Oh also I want to have an anon name for you, and I'll use breakup anon for now, but is there any other identifier you want to use? I know OUR connection started because of this breakup, but this breakup is NOT what defines you & I hate to diminish you just to that!)