#I'm not writing anything straight

[inkskinned]

you're grabbing lunch with a nice man and he gives you that strange grimace-smile that's popular right now; an almost sardonic "twist" of his mouth while he looks literally down on you. it looks like he practiced the move as he leans back, arms folded. he just finished reciting the details of NFTs to you and explaining Oppenheimer even though he only watched a youtube about it and hasn't actually seen it. you are at the bottom of your wine glass.

you ask the man across from you if he has siblings, desperately looking for a topic. literally anything else.

he says i don't like small talk. and then he smiles again, watching you.

a few years ago, you probably would have said you're above celebrity gossip, but honestly, you've been kind of enjoying the dumb shit of it these days. with the rest of the earth burning, there's something familiar and banal about dragging ariana grande through the mud. you think about jeanette mccurdy, who has often times gently warned the world she's not as nice as she appears. you liked i'm glad my mom died but it made you cry a lot.

he doesn't like small talk, figure out something to say.

you want to talk about responsibility, and how ariana grande is only like 6 days older than you are - which means she just turned 30 and still dresses and acts like a 13 year old, but like sexy. there's something in there about the whole thing - about insecurity, and never growing up, and being sexualized from a young age.

people have been saying that gay people are groomers. like, that's something that's come back into the public. you have even said yourself that it's just ... easier to date men sometimes. you would identify as whatever the opposite of "heteroflexible" is, but here you are again, across from a man. you like every woman, and 3 people on tv. and not this guy. but you're trying. your mother is worried about you. she thinks it's not okay you're single. and honestly this guy was better before you met, back when you were just texting.

wait, shit. are you doing the same thing as ariana grande? are you looking for male validation in order to appease some internalized promise of heteronormativity? do you conform to the idea that your happiness must result in heterosexuality? do you believe that you can resolve your internal loneliness by being accepted into the patriarchy? is there a reason dating men is easier? why are you so scared of fucking it up with women? why don't you reach out to more of them? you have a good sense of humor and a big ol' brain, you could have done a better job at online dating.

also. jesus christ. why can't you just get a drink with somebody without your internal feminism meter pinging. although - in your favor (and judgement aside) in the case of your ariana grande deposition: you have been in enough therapy you probably wouldn't date anyone who had just broken up with their wife of many years (and who has a young child). you'd be like - maybe take some personal time before you begin this journey. like, grande has been on broadway, you'd think she would have heard of the plot of hamlet.

he leans forward and taps two fingers to the table. "i'm not, like an andrew tate guy," he's saying, "but i do think partnership is about two people knowing their place. i like order."

you knew it was going to be hard. being non-straight in any particular way is like, always hard. these days you kind of like answering the question what's your sexuality? with a shrug and a smile - it's fine - is your most common response. like they asked you how your life is going and not to reveal your identity. you like not being straight. you like kissing girls. some days you know you're into men, and sometimes you're sitting across from a man, and you're thinking about the power of compulsory heterosexuality. are you into men, or are you just into the safety that comes from being seen with them? after all, everyone knows you're failing in life unless you have a husband. it almost feels like a gradebook - people see "straight married" as being "all A's", and anything else even vaguely noncompliant as being ... like you dropped out of the school system. you cannot just ignore years of that kind of conditioning, of course you like attention from men.

"so let's talk boundaries." he orders more wine for you, gesturing with one hand like he's rousing an orchestra. sir, this is a fucking chain restaurant. "I am not gonna date someone who still has male friends. also, i don't care about your little friends, i care about me. whatever stupid girls night things - those are lower priority. if i want you there, you're there."

he wasn't like this over text, right? you wouldn't have been even in the building if he was like this. you squint at him. in another version of yourself, you'd be running. you'd just get up and go. that's what happens on the internet - people get annoyed, and they just leave. you are locked in place, almost frozen. you need to go to the bathroom and text someone to call you so you have an excuse, like it's rude to just-leave. like he already kind of owns you. rudeness implies a power paradigm, though. see, even your social anxiety allows the patriarchy to get to you.

you take a sip of the new glass of wine. maybe this will be a funny story. maybe you can write about it on your blog. maybe you can meet ariana grande and ask her if she just maybe needs to take some time to sit and think about her happiness and how she measures her own success.

is this settling down? is this all that's left in your dating pool? just accepting that someone will eventually love you, and you have to stop being picky about who "makes" you a wife?

you look down to your hand, clutching the knife.

[lilacpaperbird]

maybe my most controversial headcanon is that I see dean as a straight man and sam is his only exception

[willowser]

getting to a point with nerd bakugou where you're not even playing games online together anymore, you're just — chatting, all day 🥺

and you've gotten close enough that you'll send him a mirror selfie and even if your phone is mostly covering your face, he's ZOOMING IN ON THAT BABY and over-analyzing the hell out of it 🥺 trying to figure out what you look like 🥺 and every single photo he sends in return is assessed for a minimum of 20 minutes, because he wants to make sure his reflection isn't showing anything or his body doesn't look weird, that his posture is right 🥺

and the first time you send something back like, "you look nice today 😊🩷", even though he's just showing off his shirt from a movie you both like — he's having to put his phone down on his desk and put his hands over his face because he feels so airbruqoabdka about you !!!!!

[maeamian]

It's important that everyone understand that JD Vance did not write about fucking a couch in his career launching semi-fictional pseudobiography: Hillbilly Elegy. It is simply not true that JD Vance has written about fucking a latex glove that he inserted between couch cushion. There is, at this point, no evidence that JD Vance did actually fuck a couch although importantly, he is also not on record denying it so we can't know for sure until he answers questions on the record about if he fucked a couch or not, but we do know that the tweet that claimed he did it and wrote about it was just a joke and the specific book pages cited in it contain no stories about JD Vance fucking a couch.

[bumblingbabooshka]

[TUVOKTOBER: Day 15] At First Sight. [Patreon | Commissions]

[cluescorner]

Arlecchino's whole deal is unbelievable

Arlecchino: Huh I wonder what's causing my weird powers? I can't really worry about that right now tho, I've gotta become King and then kill my "Mother".

*Kills Clervie and "Mother"*

Arlecchino: Huh I wonder why I was able to defeat a Fatui Harbinger when I'm like 17 or so? I can't really worry about that right now tho, I've gotta be in jail and become a Harbinger.

*Is in jail for a while and becomes a Harbinger*

Arlecchino: Huh I wonder why I am-

Pierro: Hey what's up hello, anyways you're descended from the Crimson Moon Dynasty of Khaenri'ah. I'm sure that this is a lot for you to take in so-

Arlecchino: Ok.

Pierro: ...You're just cool with that?

Arlecchino: IDK maybe? I can't really worry about that at the moment, I'm a father now. This orphanage full of children I love (who also are child soldiers and are not allowed to leave or else I'll execute them except maybe now I'm just gonna wipe their memories IDK I'm morally complex) isn't gonna run itself.

*Runs the orphanage/spy recruitment initiative*

Me, the fucking player: WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU ARE KHAENRI'AN? WHY WASN'T THIS BROUGHT UP IN YOUR FUCKING QUEST?? OR ANYTHING ELSE????

Arlecchino, talking to me through my phone: I honestly don't know why you care, I'm too busy to give a shit. Anyways, I'm gonna go fight fate itself I guess. I'm sure that I don't share any thematic parallels with any other Khaenri'an characters (particularly as it relates to acting and family angst) and that I haven't made the idea of 'curses' on Khaenri'ans and what they entail even more complicated than they already were. See ya.

[antiyourwokehomophobia2]

I think I might get into the thriller/mystery genre. I've always been a huge fantasy fan, but I've recently run into three problems.

I used to read fantasy books where Sapphic (I'd say 'lesbian' but let's be so fr) romance was the focal point/end game. However, they are often so damn disappointing and I'm honestly really tired of feeling that way. I love lesbian books but they're either actually bi books or like. Memoirs. Or, worse, depressing/don't end how I'd like.

I can't take straight romance seriously at all so that's a no go.

Fantasy without romance often doesn't catch my eye. I'm not saying I wouldn't enjoy such a book, but just that none have really jumped out to me as a must read.

It's been a while since I read anything, and I miss it quite a bit but I don't feel like the "well-written fantastical lesbian romance" genre is a long list (believe me, I looked) and straight romances are corny. I'd be willing to read a no-romance fantasy book but ones that suit me are so hard to find.

All that to say that I think I might like the mystery/thriller genre? I'm actually currently making my way through "the girl on the train" audiobook and I like it a fair amount. This may be the right direction to go in to get back into reading.

[politemagic]

dabbling in writing a little bit of slasher iii👀 it's not much, but i've had this idea for months and figured it's about time i did something with it. written while listening to deadrose by unprocessed. not necessary but it's currently topping my slasher iii song list

632 words

Time had muddled in their brain, they had no idea how long it had been since he’d disappeared from their sight, but they knew they were running out of time regardless. The rope binding their limbs had been tied with expert hands. As they struggled against their bonds, the rope’s grip only tightened, the fibers rubbing their wrists and ankles raw until it began to turn pink with their blood. Their eyes frantically searched the room for anything that might help them escape, but they found little that could be of assistance. 

The room he imprisoned them in was almost entirely bare, save for a pile of discarded, bloody clothing heaped into the corner and the black journal the masked man always carried with him. When he left the room, the journal had fallen from his pocket, haphazardly forgotten by the door.

Their curious nature overtook them as they scooted across the grimy floor, nudging the cover open with their toe. Their blood ran ice cold as a pair of vibrant blue eyes stared back at them from the first page. A photograph of a handsome man was paperclipped to the page, partially obscuring what they knew were the events of the final hours of that man’s life. They felt bile creep up their throat as their eyes scanned across the page.

17:43 He believes crying will help him, that his tears will compel me to release him. It’s pathetic, really. I thought he would be stronger. But the tears make his eyes look so pretty, maybe I’ll keep him a little longer.

The horrors of the first page had done nothing to prepare them for the next, as they found those same vibrant blue eyes staring back at them, cold and devoid of life. They tried not to stare too long at dark red blood oozing from the gaping wound in his throat. The pages that followed were all the same format: a photograph of some poor unfortunate soul accompanied by a horrifically detailed account of their final moments, followed by another photo of their corpse. On some pages, he had even smeared blood across the page in vaguely artistic patterns. 

As they flipped the final page, they bit down on their lip to stifle their scream as their own face smiled back from this book of horrors. Despite his poor attempt to crop the image before printing it, they could tell it was a screenshot from their Instagram, a photo they had posted in a moment of self-confidence. A photo that this deranged man would use to remember them by, a juxtaposition for the horrific photo they knew would occupy the next page soon enough.

The door creaked open, and they lifted their gaze from the photo to meet his darkened eyes, crinkled from the grin he hid beneath his mask.

“I see you’ve found my scrapbook,” The smile in his voice told them that he had always intended to drop the journal, that he wanted them to read it, to see what was in store for them. 

He crouched before them, plucking the journal off the floor and thumbing through the pages before returning to the image of the blue-eyed man. He stroked the image tenderly with his index finger before turning it around to once again display the image of his lifeless corpse.

“He’s still my favorite, I think. But you… I believe you’ll be a close second,” His other hand gently traced the contours of their jaw. “You’re going to be my masterpiece, darling.”

He stood then, chuckling to himself as he tucked the book underneath his arm and spun on his heels, striding back out the door as they crumpled to the ground, terrified of what other sick games he might be playing with them.

[warped-paranoia]

[shikai-the-storyteller]

I'm rewatching Spreen's Egg event day VOD and taking notes because, as is the case with Fit and his original thoughts about the Eggs and Ramon, a lot of people don't do a Great Job depicting him in fanwork (q!Spreen was kind of a dick, he wasn't straight up Evil like some people make him out to be) but o o f... There are some things he says that are such gut-punches.

When Spreen talks to Vegetta and Foolish and finds out they don't have an Egg (they hadn't received Leo yet) Spreen turns to Ramon and says (approximately): "Well Ramon, I can tell that you're a lucky guy. There are people who could not be born, and you are here with us today."

[maeum-your]

i'm posting tomorrow 🫶🏻🫶🏻

[gabbingwaves]

PSA!

Spoilers under the cut but GUYS. GUYS. Do NOT skip through the "Wait for Godo" quest! This is for your own good!

This quest is so creepy and for WHAT

This is a two second overworld quest! Run into a random NPC who asks you to go see about the missing guard literally one building over! Standard open world stuff! Easy peasy!

Oh, and also just go ahead and say hi to the random eldritch shadow being while you're at it. NO BIG DEAL??? (I missed capturing the first two text boxes where you casually notice a 'massive looming shadow' over the beach demanding your 'attention and submission' and this doesn't concern you at all. You get your memories back but you can't actually remember what you're remembering as you remember it. Just that of course you know these shadows. You remember how they'd dance at your command.)

(Like.)

(WHAT.)

And then you fight some super easy mobs and the quest just ends. There's no turn-in - the quest giver won't even talk to you. It's like it never happened in the first place.

Kuro, what the hell.

I love it.

(Also the implications of the 'I still have work to do' line. I picked '...I should wake up.' because I thought it was a better wham line if this were a book or movie or something but the implications of the second one are ruining me. That's a 'But I have miles to go before I sleep' kind of line line. That's the kind of thing you say to keep from going toward the bright light. WHAT was HAPPENING here.)

EDIT: THE QUEST NAME IS A WAITING FOR GODOT REFERENCE. WHO DID THIS.

[rethcore]

sometimes i feel like i'm getting so invested in palia lore that it's breaking my heart and driving me insane :'Dt

[summertimemusician]

Honestly I don't know if I'm remembering it wrong due to sleep deprivation, but out of everything in TOTK one of my favorite little details is that Zelda's eyes in her Divine Noodle (affectionate) form when Demon King's flames hit or graze her tremble a little, more so around the pupils than the iris

The implications are absolutely delicious when you think about it, either it's an expression of deep seated, primal fear which she would probably feel as a dragon even if her main instinct is to help Link, it makes sense she'd feel distressed when faced with a bigger predator if we assume the dragons actually work like wild animals (I mean have we looked at Demon King's full size and length? He absolutely overshadows her and he's clearly going in for the kill, what with that initial bite, he's clearly not only gunning for Link and for Hyrule but also for her specifically), because Zelda by nature is not a warrior, she will fight for her people and to defend her people but she's not one to start the conflict, she's not one to HUNT, so when faced with something actively doing so it makes sense she'd be a little afraid, just because you are made to fight the divine threat from birth doesn't mean you can't fear death in the process('Courage is not the absence of fear but the will to rise against it even when you're afraid' and all that), immortality or not and trust me I'm getting to that part-

And arguably the more interesting implication: that dragons can feel pain/get hurt from other beings in a similar status, which also puts their immortality into question. Because that little twitch can also be because the flames actually hurt her.

One thing I always found interesting in TOTK is the dragon skeletons deep down in the Depths, they're parallel with the Leviathan skeletons, sure, but the fact that the dragons that we know can come and go from the depths and that there are actual skeletons there makes me look at them side by side and think "Oh those are dragons" rather than Leviathans, which begs the question: what could have killed them if dragons are immortal and can live for such long periods of time? What could have killed them when none of our weapons (including the Master Sword mind you) can't hurt Naydra, Dinraal, Farosh and Zelda in a way that matters?

I think the best answer in this case is given to us by Zelda's reaction (assuming I'm not wrong and didn't just imagine it due to sleep deprivation) to the Demon King's flames.

Maybe, just maybe, what caused them to die was likely another dragon. Which means that dragons can actually die, just not through age or natural means, but have to actively be killed through the right means/being for it to stick. Which also tracks with a lot of divine lore in LOZ in general, Demise/Ganondorf only being able to be brought low by the Master Sword wielded by someone who posseses the Hero's Spirit (or that has become worthy of it is we see in Wind Waker) because it's quite literally a divine blade, Hylia actively giving up her immortal form to become a mortal but still slumbering/existing in a separate realm outside of time can also be considered a form of divine death, not to mention Bellum being in the process of killing the Ocean King in Phantom Hourglass. Divine beings have always had an element of mortality to them in LOZ, and it's not too much of a stretch to think that pattern might hold true in TOTK.

(Personally I think maybe the dragons we know might have killed the others in a territory/route dispute, if we go with the fact that a person loses themselves when they consume a secret stone and is guided by their base instincts/whatever goal they had before becoming a dragon, I don't think territory disputes would be all that far fetched, or some other goal which would motivate possible aggression.)

Although there's also the other possibility to consider: we get the armor set of the wild on the heads of those skeletons in TOTK, and we know for a FACT there was a hero before BOTW/TOTK Link, not only through the Ancient Hero's Aspect (which I have so many thoughts/headcanons about) but also through the tapestry in BOTW no matter what the heck happened to the lore in between games, you can still work with the information that there was a hero before BOTW/TOTK Link, and possibly one even before that one if we assume the armor set in the depths isn't from the Original Calamity Hero.

What I'm pitching here basically is, Original Calamity Link/another possible Link was likely a dragon slayer (not uncommon among Links, but how many Links killed an actual possibly divine dragon?), and possibly the one to kill the dragons in the depths and that maybe, just maybe we should have a game one day or a manga which either clarifies or debunks that- wait I know it sounds insane but listen stop walking away-

(Also if it's indeed a sign that Zelda feels pain it honestly ramps up Wild's/TOTK Link's motivation to kill Ganondorf WAY up because I too would want to eviscerate anyone who hurt Zelda even if she can't outwardly show it.

Also also- divine flame scars on Zelda where the gloom fueled fire grazed/hit her in her dragon form, you wouldn't be able to see it normally, but once she turns back into hylian they're there as another showing of how her time as a dragon will always stick and haunt her.)

[prolibytherium]

Writing and suddenly realizing I have unwittingly established a coherent metaphor that ties several plotlines together thematically COMPLETELY by accident

[standfucker]

not gonna lie yall, it feels like all I do is either work or recover from work and it's bumming me out big time