#I'm sick so i barely have any energy to draw

[zxoaii]

Touch

fem! reader x bodyguard Choso

Summary: After the being sent to attend an event, Y/n and Choso find themselves more caught up with each other.

SMUT

WC: 2k

Wattpad: _Bolter

[ Y/n ]

"You look good in a suit." Choso looks at me while I adjust his tie. "You are stunning. No one is going to notice me with you right next to me." He's always so sweet.

"Thank you."

The elevator door rings out and the doors open. Choso offers me his arm. I take it as we walk into the foyer of the ballroom.

"Good evening." The host draws our attention to him. My bag clicks open as I retrieve the invitation. "He's my plus one." Of course, if he knows who I am he'd know that.

Money and Jujutsu Sorcery don't usually meet but somewhere, they did. I wouldn't say my clan is completely good but we are a force to be reckoned with.

My mother is the current head of the clan and because of my apparent lack of cursed energy, I was assigned a bodyguard.

I've had several throughout my life but this one is my favorite. Choso is a gentleman. He's caring and friendly. Not to mention, he is not bad-looking at all.

He isn't even a Jujutsu Sorcerer. He's a half-curse.

We walk into the crowded ballroom together. I love parties. They're a nightmare for him. He wouldn't ever say it out loud though.

Choso instinctively takes his arm away from me and falls two paces behind me. Technically we're supposed to act like he isn't here.

Still, it saddens me to lose his touch.

"Ms. Y/l/n, you look incredible. The last time I saw you, you were only a teenager. It's been so long!" I'm thrown into a conversation before I can tell Choso he should stand with me.

The night starts to drag on with insignificant conversations one after another. Being polite is exhausting. Especially when it's spent being polite to people who can't help but be self-obsessed.

As soon as I get a chance I excuse myself to go get a drink. I take Choso's arm and lead us to the drink table. "Do you want some?"

Choso shakes his head. Oh well. I take a glass of champagne for myself. It's a shame this is all they choose to serve. Still, it's better than nothing.

"How long have we been here?"

"45 minutes."

I want to spit my drink out. Only 45 minutes? It feels like we've been here for hours. I've been talking for hours. It's impossible.

"Seriously?"

Choso nods and scans the room. "Come on, there's not actually anyone here who's going to do anything to me." He gives me an unsure glance. "How long do we have to stay for?" My feet ache already. It's freezing in here. I would rather be anywhere else and I'd rather it just be him and I.

"You're supposed to stay for an hour and a half at least."

"What if I say I'm sick?"

Choso takes my empty glass from me and returns it to the table. "We came all this way just for this." He reminds me.

He looks so good in his suit. If I could have a picture of him dressed up like this I'd keep it in a locket.

"Y/n!" A voice calls out excitedly from behind me.

I really hate parties.

.  .  .

Choso sits in the front seat of the car as we're driven to our hotel. I can't stop admiring him. My cheeks flush when he looks at me through the rearview.

We hold eye contact until I look away.

The driver eventually stops in front of our hotel and opens my door for me. "Thank you." I step out of the car. Warm humid air wraps itself around my bare skin.

Choso follows behind me as I make my way inside. I can't come up with any valid reasons as to why I'd need to go to his room.

The walk through the lobby, then the elevator ride, and finally the walk to my room are all too short. I don't have enough time to think of something.

I stop at my door to give myself a second to think.

"Are you ok?"

My hand lingers on the doorknob for a moment before falling to my side. "Choso, you should come in with me."

I turn to look at him after I ask. "What?" This is the first time I've seen him so caught off guard. Maybe that's because he usually stands behind me.

"I want you to come in with me."

"We have our own rooms." Despite his now hardened reaction, his cheeks are red with blush. "Ok." I stop pushing and unlock my door.

"Goodni-"

Choso's hand lands on the door to stop it from shutting. He looks down at me from his place in the doorway. I step out of his way and he walks into the room. The door shuts behind him, leaving us in darkness. Some of the city lights illuminate parts of the room.

Just enough so I can see him.

My heart beats heavily in my chest as I reach out to touch him. Choso steps closer to me and allows me to start undoing his tie.

It falls to the floor but my hands remain on his chest. I have to stand on my toes to reach his lips. Choso leans in and meets me in a kiss.

My hands grip his shirt in fistfuls. Our kiss becomes increasingly desperate. My back meets the wall with a thud. One of his hands lands on the wall next to my head. The other finds its way onto my back.

Choso follows my spine with his fingers. He reaches the nape of my neck and takes the zipper of my dress. The straps fall from my shoulders as the zipper is drawn lower and lower.

When the entire thing is unzipped I let it pool around my ankles. Choso lifts me and carries me across the room. He handles me so gently. I'm laid carefully onto the bed.

My heels are slipped off my feet and then tossed across the room. Choso's lips start at my ankles and trail upwards. Each kiss leaves me more and more entranced by his touch.

As his lips meet my thighs he starts to linger longer. My fingers reach out and grab his hair. He continues up to my hips and for a moment I think he might keep going until our lips meet again.

Instead, he hooks my underwear with his fingers and gives himself more access to me. His touch runs hot across my skin as he pulls my underwear down completely.

"Is this ok?"

"You don't have to ask."

My hands encourage his movements. Choso's lips meet my core in a heated kiss. The kiss feels starved like he needs me to live. He shifts my left leg over his shoulder to give himself better access.

"Oh my god..." I sit up, resting on my elbows to look at him. Choso is still completely dressed. Despite how good-looking he is in his suit, I want it off.

"Take your shirt off."

Choso doesn't falter or stop. Instead, he works his jacket off and lets it fall to the floor. He starts working on the buttons down his shirt until he can take that off too.

His back is painted with scars that remind me of where he came from. My eyes are drawn down by his. Choso watches me through lustful hooded eyes.

His tongue presses against my clit causing my legs to bend instinctively. The dim lights from the window draw harsh shadows across his body.

Choso's hair is a mess from my hands. It falls into his face and tickles the inside of my thighs. Still, he deepens his movements.

The graze of his teeth against sensitive flesh causes a gasp. My hips grind against his mouth as he presses his tongue flat against me. Choso lets out a deep moan that vibrates through my body.

Pleasure starts to build up within me overwhelmingly quickly. "Don't stop." My pleas are answered by Choso's quickened kissing.

He moans once more. My eyes fall lower, following his arm. Choso masturbates as he eats me out. "Shit." The sigh drags on with my orgasm.

Choso doesn't stop until I fall back onto the bed. He pulls away breathlessly and fully removed his pants. His toned chest is also littered with scars that only continue to turn me on.

"Can you continue?" He licks his lips and runs his hand along my thigh. "Yes." Choso nods and reaches up to remove my bra. "You're fucking beautiful." His hands run along my body as if to memorize the feeling.

I shift to the edge of the bed, sitting on my knees so I can kiss him. This kiss is soft. Choso's hand carefully holds my chin. I follow him blindly as he sits down on the bed.

We pull away for a moment. Gentle hands guide me onto his lap. Choso holds my back as I fit him inside of me. The pain turns to pleasure within a minute.

Our eyes stay locked as I roll my hips. My nails dig into his back as I move against him. "Y/n." My name comes out as a plead more than a statement.

My desperate movements become quicker at his unsaid request. Choso peppers kisses along my neck and shoulders. He finds a spot and begins to suck on it to leave a mark.

I tilt my head to the side to give him more access. "Ah- Choso!" He bites down on my neck. I don't know if he drew blood or not but his tongue traces the bite mark several times before he moves on.

Choso's hands grip my ass. He guides me vertically in addition to my horizontal movements. Our moans grow louder together as I follow his movement.

"You're so fucking perfect." Choso catches my lips after his comment, only for a moment. He watches me with such loving eyes my heart flutters in my chest.

Has he always looked at me like this?

The buildup of my second orgasm comes along with his. His grip on me tightens, I feel the twitch of his cock inside me, and his head falls forward onto my shoulder.

Choso mumbles words I can't hear over the sound of my own moans. My orgasm washes over me so intensely that my legs twitch at his side.

We hold each other for a minute before I shift off of his lap to lie down. Choso collapses down next to me. My hand finds his, intertwining our fingers.

"You're... Unbelievable."

The smile on my face feels like it might never go away again. "Do you like me, Choso?" I look over at him from my spot.

"Like you? Of course I like you." He meets my eyes for a moment before shyly looking away. "Do you have deeper feelings for me?"

If the lighting was better I think I'd be able to see that bright red blush all across his face. "I do." His eyes search the ceiling for anything to look at other than me.

"I have deeper feelings for you too." I sit up so he can't avoid looking at me. "You do?" I brush his sweaty hair from his face. "Of course." Choso doesn't return my happy grin.

Instead, he sits up and meets my lips in another passionate kiss. My arms lock around his shoulders to hold him closer. I'd stay like this forever if I had the choice.

Choso pauses for a moment then pulls away. He rubs my thigh as his eyes trail along my neck. He stops at the spot I assume he had bitten. My fingers feel across the skin for a moment before finding the mark.

"I'm sorry. You just tasted so good."

"Don't talk."

I lean back in and happily take another kiss from him. The bite mark will be hard to hide, especially since nothing I packed covers my neck.

Still, if he wanted to bite me again he could.

We could do this all over again as many times as he wants.

[lovelyladyabsinthewrites]

Hi please can u write Edward Cullen x sick reader. Where the reader is stubborn and still shows up at school despite being sick. (I’m sick rn and can’t find any Edward fics) hope u have a nice day

Thank u :))

Nurse

Warnings: none really, sick!reader, potentially getting other people sick 😅, stubborn!reader, firm and patient edward, thank you for the request btw and sorry it took so long for me to get to it ❤️

Words: 1307

Edward knew immediately when you sat in the front passenger seat of his car that you were sick.

His brows draw heavy with concern. "You're-"

"I'm fine." You croak and buckle up. Moreso lying to yourself than to Edward. Your head felt like it was stuffed with cotton and you were pretty sure a small fever was beginning to rise on your forehead. Like hell you were missing school that day. You'd studied day and night for your test; was finally confident that you were going to pass.

Reading your thoughts, Edward sighs and leans back into his seat. "(y/n), a test doesn't matter when your health is in question. Your teacher will let you take a makeup test. You need to go back to bed."

There was no energy in you to roll your eyes. "After I take my test then I can rest. I just want to get it over and done with."

"You won't do well if you're si-"

"Edward, please. I know my body. I can survive until second period." Arguing did nothing to help you feel better.

He could just grab you and take you back to your room. Doing that would further enrage you.

"You promise to let me take you home after second period?" The pleading in his voice softens you.

"I promise."

Exhaulting another sigh, Edward nods to himself. "Alright. I'm holding you to that."

A part of you doubts that you'll be able to make it to second period, but you would try to.

Edward may not have fought you more, that didn't mean he was pleased watching you struggle that morning. You were bumping into other students and walls as you lost your balance several times.

Alice pulled Edward aside, her honey eyes narrowed. "Why would you let her come to school like that? She's obviously sick, Ed!"

"I know. Believe me I tried. She promised to let me take her home after her test in second period." Edward lowers his voice, he doubts you can hear him. His gaze is on you as Jasper helps to steady you.

"I don't think she'll make it." Alice frowns and folds her arms in front of her chest. "I don't have to look into the future to see that."

"You try telling her then. See how easy it is."

She wouldn't even try, having experienced your stubborness before. You always wanted to appear tough to the Cullen family as you were selfconcious of being the only human among them. Compared to them you were weak. You compensated by doing whatever you could as a human to appear strong. Including refusing help when you were sick. Edward knew it would wound your pride greatly if he forced you home. So did Alice.

You didn't share first or second period with Edward. He kept tags on you via his mind reading to see how you were faring.

Struggling to stay up in your chair, your eyes were fighting every second to remain focused on the whiteboard at the front of the class. You don't remember much of what the teacher was talking about. Conserving your energy and mentally going over things for your test the following period. You were fading fast. Chugging water helped a little.

When the bell rang, finally alerting of the end of the first period, you were slow to get to your feet. If you tried to move any faster than your current pace, the world would slip from under you.

You use desks to coast your way to the classroom door. Barely making it to the door, there appears Edward. Frazzled when he takes in your flushed face.

Before he could object to you continuing the school day, you stop him by placing a hand on his chest. His mouth closes as he quietly surrenders.

Help me to my next class. Please. You ask him via your thoughts. Doubting you could talk without feeling vomit rise up your throat.

Edward breathes through his nose but doesn't complain about you overworking yourself when you needed rest.

Ever the gentleman, Edward cups your elbow and guides you.

"The moment the class ends, I'm taking you home." He whispers to you as he helps you through the scattering of students running late.

You'd smile if you could. I love you.

You catch the quirk in the corner of his lips and the brightening of his eyes.

It cost you the rest of your strength, but you did it. You fucking did it. All questions answered to the best extent of your knowledge.

There were few steps that were between you and the teacher's desk.

You suck in a breath and stand, hand gripping the edge of your desk for support. Navigating through rows of kids bent over their paper's, you focus ahead of you.

When your teacher notices you, she pauses at the waxen sheen of your face. The moment your test is on the surface of her desk you quietly croak "Can I go to the nurse's office?"

Edward was right outside the door, prepared to take you into his arms. You wanted to laugh.

The thought of a mother hen pops into your mind, making Edward scoff. "If I'm a mother hen so be it." You were unable to protest when he easily scoops you up and dashes to his car. Alice is waiting, rocking back and forth on her feet until she spots the two of you. There's a plastic bag in her hand that looks overly full.

"I'll tell the office." Alice takes Ed's car keys to opening the passenger door for you. Then she places the grocery bag in the back seat. "I googled what made people feel better when they're sick."

"Thank you Alice." You manage to get out as Edward opens the door with just one finger. He sets you down and straps the belt across your chest but not before tossing your backpack into the back seat.

Wondering what Alice had bought you, your forehead presses against the passenger side window, you momentarily fall asleep.

Only waking up when Edward is carefully picking you up from the car's passenger side. He's so careful with you. Always.

You realize when he opens the door that he's brought you to the Cullen house when the front door doesn't match your's.

"I don't want to leave you sick and home alone." He explained while hurrying up the stairs.

And. . .

"Ed. . ." Are you scared?

His jaw clenches. In his room he makes sure you're comfortable with whatever you needed. Water. Pillows. Blankets if you got cold.

Then he settles next to you. His face unreadable. You curl up closer to him and just that mere contact melted him.

"My mother and I. . . we were very sick when I became a vampire." This was something he'd told you a while ago. They'd become sick during the Spanish influenza outbreak. "I know the medical world is much more evolved than it was during my time, but it still terrifies me when you get sick."

"Oh Ed," You sit up even when Edward urges you to lay back down. "I should have-"

He furiously shakes his head. "No. You didn't do anything wrong. Sickness just reminds me how human and fragile you are." Rolling onto his side, you copy him. Head comfortably cradled by a pillow.

Rest.

You could finally rest.

His fingers brush along your brow, soothing your warm skin. You shimmy closer against him. Edward's much larger frame conforms around you.

"I know you won't die from this. Not that I'd let you die from illness." Adding the last part a bit under his breath, you still caught it.

For a second, Edward pulls away from you to retrieve a bottle of medicine from the bag.

"Now be a good girl and take your medicine."

[akkaweo-akkaweo]

Treatment

Jeong Jinsol/Jinsoul x M!reader

Tags: light edging, sorta JOI?, facial

WC: 1.3k

A/N: this photoset legitimately made me feel things so allow me to take you on that same journey. enjoy the different structure of this work.

—————

After a tiring day of work — presentations, meetings, the usual — you plop yourself on the bed, with barely enough energy to take your clothes off. You're staring at the ceiling for maybe two, three minutes before you hear the front door beep open and the unmistakable clacking of heels on tile rings around the dead silent studio.

"Hey baby," Jinsol said softly. "Busy day?"

You grunt in acknowledgement. Jinsol may have looked stunning today, as she always did, but you were way too spent to show it more meaningfully. She'd understand.

"Are you feeling alright? You look sick," she said, worry in her voice.

"I'm fine, babe. You should rest too. I'll make space on the bed for–"

"Hmm, this won't do. I've seen this before. You seem to have a buildup of sorts," she cut you off.

"What are you talking about, Jinsol?"

The whole while you've been staring up at the ceiling, you fail to notice Jinsol kneeling in front of your legs dangling by the edge of the bed. The only way you noticed was because of the confusion from her last statement.

"See? So much negative energy stuck in your head, you can't even see or hear properly. Luckily," she says as she starts unbuckling your belt, "I think I know just the solution."

You don't exactly have an explanation for it, but the more and more Jinsol undid your pants, you could feel yourself getting hard already. A quick draw of your boxers revealed your member, sprung up and hard.

"Ah, just as I thought. It's all stuck in here," she said, with a light tap to your shaft.

"Aigo, Jinsol, I said I'm too tired for this...," you say, trying to hide your shame of getting aroused so quickly.

Jinsol raises an eyebrow at you, then shrugs. "Okay. If you say so." She gets up and starts walking away from the bed, except you notice the way she's walking: an extra swing of her wide hips, slow enough to make you do nothing but stare, still fully erect.

She turns back, looking at you with a tempting gaze.

"You sure you're so tired? Doesn't seem like it to me," she teased

"Okay, fine, Jinsol. I'm sorry. I don't know why I'm so–"

"No, it's okay. I understand," she replied, a tinge of singsong-y taunting audible in her tone. "You're not asking for it, so perhaps I'll leave you to it."

Again, unprompted, the taunting made you twitch in arousal.

Your vision tunnels, honing in on Jinsol's face: her porcelain skin, the shape of her eyes, her luscious lips — all the perfect seductive mix. You're pretty sure you've been staring at her way too long to be subtle, because Jinsol doubles down on her charade, tilting more of her shoulder away from you, hiding her body's curves around her tight dress, yet also showing the almost bare skin on her back.

"You sure you don't want this?," she teased, no subtlety on her end either.

That was enough to set you off. With a newfound energy, you jump off the bed, walking briskly to her, your surprisingly still hard dick swinging around — at this point, you didn't care. You just wanted Jinsol, and to humor her so-called treatment for your situation.

"You're such a goddamn tease, Jinsol," you growl under your breath as you wrap your arms around her waist. You pelt her neck and shoulders with deep, sensual kisses, made much easier with how little cloth obstructs your mouth. She lets out a soft hum as you continue, and as both your hands stray to her core and her chest respectively, you can feel — or rather, don't feel — any undergarments under her dress, evidenced by the tiny bumps forming on her chest and the warmth between her legs.

"Are you sure it's me who needs this treatment?," you taunt.

"Oh, yes, it's all for you, baby," she growls. "This is part of it."

She turns around and kneels once again before you, her face right in front of your dick, her breath close enough to send shivers down your spine.

"How are you so good at–"

"Tsk, just shut up and let me work," she barked. "You talk too much. All the cum built up in here," she continued, grabbing your balls, "is making you a lot dumber than usual."

You're ready to open your mouth in protest, but you stop yourself. She's right — the last time you actually had time to fuck your girlfriend was probably a month ago, on your monthsary. She definitely had a point, because she probably wanted this just as much as you needed it. Besides, how could you say anything when Jinsol's sucking was enough to make you speechless?

She knew exactly how to work you: she would take in all of your head, then midway to your girth, then all the way to the base, several times until your moans of ecstasy got loud enough. Then she'd take you out of her mouth and keep you aroused, kissing your length and licking your slit. Her hands weren't idle either: they moved between massaging your balls and stroking just the base of your cock. And in just a few minutes, you could feel the cum build up at your base.

"Fuck, Jinsol, you're gonna make me–"

She leaves you hanging completely, causing a sharp pain as you feel your orgasm denied.

"Sorry baby, for this to work, you gotta do it yourself," she pouted. "So will you do it for me? Please, baby?," she added, with a little whine in her voice. Fuck, she's irresistible.

You start to stroke yourself, and you see Jinsol adjust herself to rub her clit and squeeze her tits. "Yes baby," she moaned, "I love watching you stroke your cock for me. I love seeing it twitch and squirm for me. Is it all mine, baby?"

"Fuck... yes it is Jinsol... Tell me how much you want it," you beg, yearning to get off from her sensual squeals.

"I want it inside me baby... I want you to ram it inside me, all the way in. And I want your cum, all over my face," she begs. She tilts her head up, to show all of her face before your eyes.

Jinsol stared at you with hungry eyes, screaming for your release just as much as her own. Her mouth was slightly agape, ready to open it wide for your seed. And just the way she presented herself to you — should you miss her mouth, you'd still paint her face, and she'd enjoy it all the same.

"I want your cum, baby. I want it all over me. Please give it to me," she begged on.

You felt the cum welling inside your shaft start to rush forward; you were ready for release.

"I'm gonna cum, Jinsol!"

She opened her mouth wide and stuck out her tongue; just the view of her being in full display, ready for you, was enough to send you over. You spurt all over her face, a lot more than you anticipated, and aimed the last few strings directly onto her tongue. She closed her mouth and gave a deep gulp; as she did, she closed her eyes, satisfied and satiated. Whatever strings she could scoop up with her fingers, she did and licked it all up.

"Told you you had a backup," she said, still licking clean the tips of her fingers.

Honestly, you thought you'd be tired by then. But watching the hottest woman alive love the taste of you was a turn-on even you couldn't switch off.

"Oh, you're still hard?," she cooed. "Guess there's still a lot more in there."

"Ready for round two?"

—————

[runtwithwolves]

OH NO quirk ideas are my weaknesses HECK. Here goes!

Kenny - Undying, but he plays it off as luck/regeneration/anything but his actual power

Cartman - either quirkless and masking it, or possibly an animal hybrid, giving him his agility, keen senses, and sharp teeth/claws despite his bulky build

Butters - Technomancy, especially using electronics to channel electricity. He wears metal to augment his abilities, but shocks himself instead half the time

Clyde - Blood-fueled agility and strength. This could easily typecast him as a villain, but his friends convinced him that he didn't have to be a Dark Lord of anything

Scott - Exponential strength from sugar, with no real limits! Except he'll get extremely sick from consuming too much

Jimmy - Commanding/distracting voice; the better his songs and jokes, the more his opponents just can't help but listen. And no one expects the kid on crutches to zoom up and kick their ass while they're laughing

Craig - command over rodents, especially those from the cavy family. But he loves them too much, so he trained in martial arts instead. By martial arts, I mean he punches people as hard as he can

Tweak - Weather control, but such a vast power is hard to hand it's too much PRESSURE. His hair is in constant disarray from lightning and wind, and he's addicted caffeine to keep his energy up, otherwise he'll be a tired wreck. His gloves keep his powers in check

Tolkien - Plastics conversion/kinesis. Anything made of plastic can be used as a shield, projectiles, robot, armor, etc. He adores his quirk on a secondary level because he can help clean up any area he's in!

Wendy - Social manipulation. She has to be incredibly careful, but her input on any social group or platform can easily sway a group's opinion with barely any effort. She plays this off as hacking to keep people from digging too deep into a potentially hazardous quirk

Timmy - Extreme telekinesis. While he can move objects and even people with his mind, it comes with a heavy cost of a weakened body and very limited speech. He can read minds/project, but uses sign language more often so that he doesn't violate his friends' privacy

Bradley - Control over...carbohydrates? No one is really sure why he can convert any food into cereal and then use it to help his friends or pelt foes with tiny cereal pellets. Or why he picked such a weird flavor. He's a weird kid

Henrietta - Smoke manipulation. Any form of smoke that her breath touches follows her command, with sometimes deadly results. She isn't a villain, but the whole hero thing is so...lame. Like she would rather DIE

AAAA I LOVE THESE

I need to watch BNHA to understand the social stuff, I especially love wendys manipulation quirk and it's funny to imagine Kenny playing off him actually dying as "haha, don't worry! It missed all my vital organs! How lucky right?"

I'm also trying with the idea of Cartman having a genuinely good quirk but he's such a lazy asshole he never practices so he's out paced, OR hes a late bloomer with a shit quirk so everyone assumed he was quirkless

(Maybe he could have like wolverine claws or something to do with his bones ((cause he's always saying he's big boned lol)) Or something to do with getting away almost everything he does like a cherub face manipulation thing)

Also Henrietta smoke dragon what? Drawing that! Love these!

[cuffmeinblack]

Alright I'm sick of the vagueposting because apparently some of you can't talk about how they really feel to people. You know, like adults.

First point. If you actually think I purposely plagiarised a fic idea, honestly just block me and fuck off so I never have to see you again. I've put far too much mental and emotional energy into this fandom to be disrespected like that, especially to then have my character attacked in such a ironically sly way on a public forum. Coming from people who have previously admonished others for vagueposting, that's pretty fucking hypocritical. I don't care enough to try to fix any sort of relationship I had with the person, since they made it pretty clear what they thought of me.

I'm a generally good person and I'm not going to let some random on the internet tell me otherwise.

In the interest of clearing up the plagiarism allegation whatever the fuck that's about, I'll say that I've never actually read the so-called plagiarised fic, and barely interacted with any public posts about it's conception. I actually do not want to, especially since I have many, many ideas and headcanons for Azkaban and HP/HL in general having been a Wizarding World fan for literally most of my life and that's what I'm interested in writing about. I don't tend to crowdsource my ideas and rarely post about what I'm writing about. As far as I can tell the only crossover is Azkaban and a degree of angst, and if that's actually it then you need to re-evaluate why the hell you're even in a fandom.

Amazingly since we're drawing on common source material there will no doubt be overlap. I'm also not going to wait months for the other fic to be finished because...why? It's not a fucking competition. If you must know, mine was loosely based on an idea I had for Garrinis which also involved Azkaban and a dark MC, which I had last Summer.

There's been so much drama in this fandom lately it's quite honestly ridiculous, and nobody seems to be able to talk to anyone else without public bashing. If you don't like what someone else is doing or saying, shutup and move on or talk to them. An incredible concept, I know. I had a disagreement a couple of weeks ago, I talked to the person, and we're totally fine and she's one of my favourite people in this fandom.

I'm aware this post might just crash and burn my reputation as much as the bullshit allegations but you know what I do not care anymore. Yes I'm aware that I'm not exactly helping with this post but my god I'm just angry and some things just need saying. I don't make a habit of doing stuff like this and am generally quite nonconfrontational.

Sometimes I do wonder why I'm still here and have concluded that it's probably a sunk cost fallacy, yet I'm here because I'm stubborn and despite all this shit I still love the characters enough to want to tell stories about them. Writing brings (brought) me a lot of joy, and I've finally decided to try doing it 'properly' but my god this toxicity needs to stop because this is exactly what stifles creativity, drives people away and kills fandoms.

[raccoon-in-a-dumpster]

guys so like. i found out yesterday that nurses are not SUPPOSED to pushbthe needle in deeper to get blood

i was gettin my blood drawn just to see if i had any complications that could impact my legs n' shit, (since having low iron can fuck you up BAD.)

and ig the vein wasn't rlly feelin it that day (makes sense, i was totally unprepared) so it didn't rlly do anything, and the person doing the draw pushed it in. and at first i was like: oh. this has never happened to me before!! and then it was like: oh my god kill me this is agonizing why does it hurt so bad it never hurts

and i had told the nurse that i was AWESOME at blood draws (i usually get them done at another clinic, and every single time, it's been great. found a good vein on my left arm, inserted & extracted with very minimal pain, felt great) but GOD. IT FUCKING HURT

so after a bit she SLOWLY took out the needle (and it hurt like fucking hell let me tell you) cuz there was no blood. And the MOMENT she starts taking it out, i feel sick.

She asks if i'm alright, and i say no, i'm really dizzy and i feel like i'm gonna throw up. so i lay down after my arm is bandaged. My head feels so fucking hot, my arm hurts like all hell- can barely move it- and i'm sweating. barely have the energy to speak at that point. I thought i was gonna pass out.

so after a bit of laying, she asks if i wanna try again, and i- still being nauseous- say no, and practically beg to not do it again cause this is the worst i've ever felt in my life. and so her and my mom talk about when to come back, and i pipe up sometimes

I suggest Saturday.

They don't draw blood on Saturday.

I suggest Sunday.

They don't draw blood on Sunday.

So after a bit of pushing with my mom, (she wanted today, i wanted Monday. I bring up that my arm might hurt afterwards and effect my marching, but really, i was still reeling and i was genuinely afraid, i needed some time, y'know?) we settle on Monday.

so i get home from marching after 9, and i chat with my dad. ask him if mom told him about what happened

"Oh yeah. So growing pains?" (referring to the possibility i might've developed osgood-schlatter disease)

"No, the other thing. With the blood draw?"

so i tell him what happened, and he tells me some stories about how he has really small veins, so doctors have a difficult time finding it. He tells me a story about how in basic, a nurse was tryna find a vein, and by the end he had so many puncture wounds and bruises from it that he looked like he had been shooting up or smth.

I tell him about how it didn't rlly hurt at first but then the needle got pushed deeper and he was like: man they aren't supposed to do that, if they aren't finding blood then they aren't finding blood.

So yeah.

I'm REALLY not hyped for Monday- I'd really rather get my blood drawn at the other clinic. The clinic i usually go to is linked up with my therapist and my psychologist, too, so it's generally just a lot more accommodating. being misgendered while you're experiencing the worst feeling you've ever felt sure isn't that great.

My arm/elbow hurts whenever i think about earlier, and i'm just. not hyped for next time.

[littlelesbinonny]

The Devil's Den

Chapter 26: In Which Soft Turns Sharp

You can read this also on Ao3 at: https://archiveofourown.org/works/46831621/chapters/117962293

"I have been in IT for years and I've never once actually seen this happen."

"How does this even happen?"

"It blew up, literally."

"Yo! That's uh... that's a mess."

You were currently standing in the middle of a category 5 disaster. The bottom half of your pants and all of your shoes were completely black; powder-coated by your lovely office printer you were just having words with.

Toner was spewed all over the ugly grey carpet like the remanence of a cartoon explosion. The coworkers and IT tech were standing around amused and befuddled by the whole thing.

Jeff nudged your arm with a giant grin on his face, "did you at least say 'bless you'?"

You wanted to groan.

"No, really though..." Jade, the IT guy asked, "what were you doing again before this happened?"

Another exasperated sigh.

"I've been having communication issues all morning with it and my computer, so after I got sick of trying to repair the connection through my server I came back here to see if perhaps the ethernet was disconnected. It wasn't. Then I was going to get into the settings to see if there was something wrong there, but the screen went all blinky and wobbly, then the fucker shit itself. That's it."

Kind of.

You left out the part where you grabbed the sides of the operating screen in a threat to rip it off it's hinges, then it exploded.

Jade mused on your explanation one more time while the other two morons were drawing finger pictures on the side of the printer with toner.

"Ok - as exciting as this is I'm gunna go and see if I can save my shoes from being stained forever. Bye."

With a huff you kicked off as much toner as you could and immediately headed out the door.

In truth technology had been acting really funky the past few days. First your phone started acting up; the screen would randomly black out while you were using it (the thing was barely a year old so you hoped it wasn't frying already), the location changed on you twice (once it threw you to Paris, the second time to Idaho), and getting your keyboard to work properly was an entire fight all on it's own. You finally turned it off for a couple hours and it seemed to help a little. Then, the clock on your desk started sucking batteries to death. Twice this week you had to change them to keep the damn thing correct. Your work computer had had a couple hiccups and now the printer. Was Mercury in fucking retrograde or some shit???

You didn't bother to tell your boss you were leaving and left the building without saying anything to anyone.

8 days had gone by without Alcina and you were missing her so badly. The bouts of unusual aggression were sporadic and it really wasn't like you, but you just weren't used to such strong feelings about someone and it must be making you a little weird. You guess.

A calmer energy seemed to be following you now but it didn't completely phase out the worry or aggravation. You began to feel better overall since the random muscle attack in your back which helped ease a lot of your tension, but still, you couldn't help but... wonder. You didn't know where she was but somehow she felt closer. You hoped she would be back soon. Sooner than later.

Suddenly your phone began to ring and you reached for it out of your bag.

It was Louis.

"Heyyy man, what's up?"

"I got you another cassette my friend; Miss D and the Pallboys in a rare recording done at a live event - interested?"

"What kind of question is that; hell yes I am - I'll be there in half an hour!"

"See you soon."

Ok, today was not a total bust.

-

The mirror was not as kind today as she was hoping.

Alcina looked at her naked body with a twinge of scrutiny.

She'd gone through all of this with no fruits for her labor. 

After Dmitri and her troops arrived 5 days ago the trail of evidence and any leads went dead. It had gone completely silent. No more attacks, no more sightings, not even a hint of action. While everyone was relieved it didn't sit well with anyone, but what were they to do? They'd scoured every inch of the territory through the sector where everything had taken place, and miles around that. 

Nothing. Anywhere.

The 'cave' itself proved pointless; it was caved in not a thousand feet from the entrance. Still, no one was convinced this was over and Alcina agreed. Dmitri and Sylvia kept several outposts active and would continue to do so for as long as they deemed fit.

The deceased mutated vampire lay in the bin hollowing out with nothing more of interest to study it seemed. No bugs, no worms, nothing exited his body to help Joel in his quest to understand him. His tests came up with very little information outside of a strange anomaly in the dead blood he'd collected, however it was nothing he had seen and without a live sample of possibly another mutated specimen he was hitting a dead end as well. How could he research a dead, dying crumb of evidence? Oddly though, when they put his body out to disintegrate in the sun, he didn't crumble to pure ash as he should have. His bones remained slightly in tact, which Joel collected to see if that could lead him anywhere instead.

Mother Miranda had finally been reached; she had indeed been on travel to Romania which is where Donna was finally able to speak with her. Her reaction was... limited at best. Unconcerned and satisfied they had it under control. Donna was unamused by her stance and Alcina couldn't have scoffed harder at her dismissal. She was nothing if not flippant unless it directly concerned her these days. She could rot in hell or Romania for all Alcina cared.

The suspiciousness of the ordeal had everyone who was aware remaining on high alert. This was far from over and neither clan was backing down from their posts to make sure whatever, if ever, something came next, they'd be more than prepared.

Thankfully no word had seeped into the underground and everything was carrying on as normal it seemed.

Alcina had returned home yesterday and was getting ready for a good nights rest in her own bed where it was quiet, and private.

Well, a little.

Donning her nightgown she clicked off the light to her bathroom and exited.

"Ai dormit pe partea asta aseară, e rândul meu," Daniela stated flatly. (You slept on this side last night, it's my turn)

"Conteaza? Încă dormi lângă mama," Cassandra replied, "sunt două laturi, poate s-o lase pe Bela să doarmă lângă ea în seara asta.." (Does it matter? You're still sleeping next to mother, there's two sides, maybe let Bela sleep next to her tonight.)

Bela sighed as she situated at the end of the very large king size bed, "e în regulă, sunt bine aici jos. Atâta timp cât suntem cu toții împreună, nu-mi pasă." (It's fine, I'm fine down here. As long as we're all together I don't care.)

"Dani este doar un nebun, vino să dormi aici." (Dani is just being a brat, you come sleep up here.)

"Nu sunt un nebun!" (I'm not being a brat!)

"Fetelor..." Alcina intervened as she approached softly, "într-adevăr acum, am destul pat și timp și cu mine să merg. Vă rugăm să încetați să vă certați." (Girls... really now, there's plenty of bed and time and me to go around. Please stop bickering.)

They smiled at her as she began crawling under the covers with them, nestling down with a smile of her own.

When Alcina returned home she hadn't had a moments peace since she walked through the door. Her daughters had warm blood waiting for her, not the wine, and tended to her every unspoken need. Which, they apparently seemed to make for her by the dozens. Donna had of course informed them of her attack and they were more fretful than she at the news. It was only expected they would be exceptionally doting to their beloved mother when she arrived home. They had nearly lost her once, many many years ago and the memories were still fresh and vivid in their hearts. The bond the 4 of them shared was deeply rooted and strong; Alcina may not be their biological mother in the human sense, but she was their rock and anchor, their protector and very much the loving, nurturing, caring and doting mother figure. While the girls were quite old as far as human standards go, somehow deep inside of them was still a childlike need and fondness with Alcina.

Cassandra had run her a bath, Bela washed the clothes Dani had packed and sent with Dmitri for her, Dani continued to bring warm blood on the hour and while the house was never truly a mess, it was spotless. Spot. Less. Alcina couldn't help but grin at their attentiveness. She jested perhaps she should get wounded more often... they didn't find it humorous in the least.

"Acum, fiicele mele... noapte bună, vă iubesc, dormiți bine," she cooed, caressing their beautiful faces one by one. (Now, my daughters... goodnight, I love you, sleep well.)

Exchanging kisses to the cheek they settled in, snuggling close to their mother as the silence of the room seeped in.

Cassandra, now on the right side of Alcina, caressed her arm softly, "esti bine mama?" (You're alright, mother?)

Alcina smiled, "da, draga. Dormi. Sunt acasă, în siguranță cu fetele mele. Totul este în regulă în lume," she whispered and kissed her forehead once more. (Yes, darling. Sleep. I'm home, safe and sound with my girls. All is right in the world.)

She felt complete. 

Almost.

She missed you. She needed you.

Tomorrow she would venture out to see you. She couldn't stand the distance from you any longer.

-

"More goodies for the pests, ey?"

You gave Malka a raised eyebrow as she scanned the bag of mixed nuts and dried berries.

"Those pests were here waaay before us, it's not their fault we moved in on their territory."

Malka broke her stern visage and smiled brightly at you, "yes yes, good good, you have a Yiddishe Kop my girl."

Malka was an old Jewish woman who ran and owned the tiny corner store a couple blocks from your apartment. It was your favorite place to get groceries and oddities. The produce was always fresh and she was constantly stocking the shelves with fun, niche little snacks from all over Europe and her home in the Netherlands. She'd adopted you as the neighborhood stray long ago and you happily claimed her as your long lost Bubbeh - her chosen term. She was small but a pure spitfire. Her hair was long and white with fading pepper streaks that she wore in a braided bun high on her head. Malka was a darling.

"I still think you should ween them off the dried fruit and give them fresh - it's good for the soul, you know," she advised knowingly.

You chuckled, "they like what they like, who am I to argue? Getting them off the pastries was hard enough!"

She placed the last of your things in your tweed bag and handed it over to you, "my pastries were the cause of several village wars, I'll have you know."

"Yes, yes, I know Sophia Petrillo. I doubt I'll ever see another twenty dropped on my doorstep until I treat them again."

"Ahaha," she cackled, "off with you now, enjoy your evening and give my best to the birds. Tell them Bubbeh wants a twenty dollar bill too next time."

By the time you made it to your block you caught their shadows overhead as they swarmed and landed in the trees in the courtyard. You smiled and treaded around back to the grass and benches on the other side. They followed with happy caws and grunts and coos.

You sat on the bench and watched them gracefully land at your feet as you opened the bag and began divvying out the goods.

You still couldn't tell them all apart yet but there was a considerably bigger one and a runt that stuck out the most. The smallest was easily the most vocal and it was skittish. The biggest one was very regal but had a playful side, you'd noticed. He, or she, would play with the baby squirrels in the neighboring tree, almost a game of tag, it was quite amusing to watch.

The gathering usually gave you odd looks from the passerby's but you got used to ignoring it. So you had a tiny army of crows, so what? 

Without giving away the whole bag you watched them trek around the grounds for a while enjoying the falling evening. It was getting a little cooler now, autumn was around the corner. Every season in New York was pretty, except winter. Winter could fuck all the way off in your opinion. 

You sighed. As the darkness shifted the hue in the sky your heart silently wished upon the universe that your Alcina was safe and would be back in your arms before too long. 9 days was a really, really long time at this point.

~

There was no way to accurately describe the sensation that coated you like warm molasses; it was slow in enveloping you and you became light headed, a fuzzy heat trickled through your system and your limbs felt numb and tingly. A smile erupted on your face and you instantly knew this feeling.

In a split second you were off your couch and headed for your room.

There creeping through your doorway was that tall black silhouette you longed and craved to see and touch for 9 too long goddamn days.

"Alcina," you whimpered as you ran to her and collected her in your arms.

She sighed long and heavy as her own strong arms enfolded you with haste. Your scent wafted through her sweeter than a summer breeze offering reprieve from the hot sun and she drove her nose deep in your hair.

"Oh... how I've missed you, draga mea," she whispered near your ear, feeling her own relief and satiation of having you back within her grasp, "I have missed you so much."

"I've missed you so much," your muffled reply came as you slowly inched your face around to claim her lips.

The two of you moaned softly and satisfyingly at the connection. Yes. This felt like home, this felt too good to be lost for so long.

Alcina carefully grasped your face in her cool hands, which you noticed were slightly trembling, and you looked deep into her stumbling slate colored eyes. Pools of ethereal eternity. Somewhere you wanted to be for the rest of your days.

"Hi beautiful," you smiled.

"Hello, dragul meu," she smiled right back.

You snaked your arms back around her torso and clung to her like she might slip away again. Not today Satan, not to-fucking-day.

Although, there was something amiss. Something not quite right. You weren't completely sure what it was but somehow your hands began to pull higher up her back where you found, under her leather jacket, an unnatural heat. And raised ridges of... something.

Alcina hitched as your hands splayed over her wounds and grabbed for your arms and pulled you away. The concern and confusion was not hidden on your face and she sighed, forced a smile and hoped there could have been at least an hour pass before this came to light.

Feeling the hesitation peel off her like layers of a wilted rose you stepped in a little closer to her, taking her hands in yours.

You could throw the thoughts of her absence dealing with something dangerous out the window all you'd like; they would return like a handful of sand to the wind and back in your eyes every time. You knew. You knew.

With a short breath you swallowed your worry, "I know you can't tell me everything, or maybe anything at all for that matter, but... what did I just feel?"

Exasperation was now the most common emotion she was friends with these days. Alcina didn't know how to tell you. It wasn't as if she could hide this forever. But she wanted to. Her healing was so slow - they should be gone by now, but they weren't, and she didn't want to be away from you any longer. Somehow this made her feel too vulnerable to you, a desperation to keep it locked away and never let you into this dark corner of her world.

"Draga..." she started, tossing her eyes away from you.

This was not something you would receive well, in fact she feared for how it would affect you period. How was she supposed to just brush this off as a; 'well, you see draga mea, I was attacked by a mutated vampire that nearly killed me and more lycans than I care to count, that may or may not have many other mates running loose that we can't find, and truly that's just where the story ends for the moment,' and expect you to have a normal reaction. And, at the same time, how could she just say; 'I can't tell you what happened and I'm sorry you have to look at these scars that looks like I fought 8 meet hooks, you'll just have to accept that,' and move on.

Alcina's pause made you lean in closer. You understood the barrage of thoughts you couldn't hear her fighting all too well, so, softly and carefully, you began to remove her jacket and moved to her tight black turtleneck.

Her body immediately tensed and an anxiousness wrapped around her, but what was she to do. 

Well, here we go, Alcina thought.

She allowed you to continue and it actually surprised you. You half expected her to grab for your arms again and immobilize your efforts, but she didn't.

As you stood behind her and lifted the soft cloth, the sight that assaulted your eyes sunk your heart to the pits of your stomach like a deflated lead balloon.

Did you gasp? No clue. But you felt ice shoot through your veins at the sight.

"My god..." you whispered, "Alcina... what - who did this to you?"

Your fingers were so gentle as they passed over the raised dark purple scars Alcina almost buckled. The caress didn't hurt but it felt like little sparks of electricity passing through her. Somehow your touch was the most soothing thing she'd felt so far in her healing, or, maybe, she was just starving for your touch more than she had been aware.

As your eyes wandered you could now see in the dim light that there were fully healed scars all over her. All in swipes of 4, like sets of claws. Eventually you just removed the turtleneck all together and rounded her to look back into her eyes. She wasn't completely dodging your glance, but she wasn't seeking it out either.

You tried to choke out more questions as you softly trailed your fingers over her arms, chest, and abdomen. What was there to say, how were you to say it? Suddenly another rushing wave of icy water pelted over you as the memories of that night you had your little 'muscle attack' just about drowned you. 

Did you feel this happen to her? 

Who or what could have done this? Was the war between vampires and lycans returning?

Your visage torqued the twinge in Alcina's heart. You were so concerned, plighted by a tied tongue. But also, something else. Alcina gently reached out to cup your jaw and offer a soft smile. Truth be told she didn't know what to say either. She didn't want to answer your question. 

In your short lived elation to see her you were unable to address the tiredness about her, but now you saw it loud and clear. Her eyes lacked the sparkle of light, her skin looked worn, her lips, thinner, her trembling hands alone should have told you how lacking her energy was.

Taking her beautiful long fingers to your lips you kissed them gently, repeatedly, locking her eyes with yours as you then began to move your hair away from your neck.

Alcina grabbed you up in her arms and held you, "dragul meu, please, I didn't come here to feed off you -"

"I know you didn't but you're depleted, I can tell," you shut down her argument softly, "please, drink," you urged, "I don't like seeing you like this. Please... I want you to."

She didn't budge.

Stubborn ass.

Accepting her refusal you secured your arms even more tightly around her bare torso and held her back. She may have won for now but you would give her your blood before she left, you wouldn't have it any other way. Softly you began pressing your warm lips against her bare collarbone and kissing her cool skin with revered tenderness.

Alcina closed her eyes and leaned into you, feeling you against her seemed to bring down all the pillars of worry and concern around her. But you, your offer, it panged her with guilt and remorse.

Pressing her lips to the shell of your ear she whispered softly, "you are not for my consumption, draga mea, you are more to me than what I think you realize and it pains me to think if I have lead you astray in that... you are not for the taking, for use, for simply delectable taste and pleasure. I love you, I never want you to feel less than my equal, for all sense and purpose of our differences."

You sighed.

"You big dummy," you muttered, pulling back to look into her eyes once more, "I love you too, I love you so much... you're my vampire and I'm your human; I belong to you because I want to. I'm not offering my blood out of - fuck, I don't know - pressure, duty, some form of guilt - no! I love you, I want you to feed because I want to take care of you, because I don't want to see you drained and weak, because your wellbeing is not only my job as your lover but my honor. You're a mighty Matriarch. You fight battles and command armies and rule over a literal underground city of vampires and lycans. I am a chaotic, dysfunctional, boring as fuck but loving human who was just lucky enough to be chosen by you - I can't offer you much, literally, I have like nothing of real value... but you've got my love, my dedication, my heart and blood and whatever else you want or need, ok?"

What have I done to deserve you? Alcina mused in the silence. You were the unintended enigma that was never-ending.

Carefully tracing her fingertips along the outlines of your face, Alcina leaned in gracefully to kiss you. Each caress of your lips together grew a little deeper and a little deeper, everything outside of this room ceasing to exist as she was once again back in the safest place she could ever imagine. Your arms. Your embrace. Your love.

Feeling the inevitable plume of heat deep inside of you, gorging yourself on everything that was this glorious woman, you urged and silently begged for her bite; pressing your body so close into hers, pulling her as near as possible, arching your neck as your lips escaped to graze her jawline. And then you felt the shudder within her; the release of the tiger that was prowling for blood with no need to chase.

Her teeth were sharp and precise and the painful pleasure coursed through you like your blood into her. Bliss, euphoric release; a chaotic intertwining of black and white, up and down, hot and cold.

As the sensation of heat poured down her throat, Alcina groaned out her long-awaited desire to taste you again. Your blood fed fuel to her fire like nothing else in this world, but within the rush this time something else was taking place. Her body began to burn. Her senses thrown into a frenzy. The striking, piercing sensation of an itch so violently unable to scratch tore through her and she ripped her mouth away from your neck with a pained wail.

Alcina's knees buckled and she fell to the floor with a thud.

[bedheadandsleepmeds]

Hey. This post is way overdue. But the bare basics of it is that I'm sick. This is going to be a lot of word vomit because I don't have the patience or energy to be normal about this. I disappeared last year because for reasons I don't really want to discuss, I had a very bad mental health spiral. I ended up leaving social media and cutting off basically everyone in my life, including some of my best friends. I'd still come on here sometimes to see what was going on, but definitely not as active and not participating. Ive also been unable to finish any art in this time, with the exception of 4 drawings, including the one above. I've tried. But nothing has been working. But then I got physically ill again in March, and since then I've been to the ER 8 times, I've lost over 40 pounds from not being able to eat, and I can't do anything without my chest seizing up in pain and my heart going haywire. They've done multiple tests and we still don't know what's wrong. I've had to leave work, I'm not even sure if I have a job anymore. I have no savings. I'm tired. Honestly I'm so so so scared. I feel like I'm dying almost every single day. I also haven't been able to take any of my psychiatric meds since this all started and that's not helping anything. But being sick has somehow made it so I can make some art again, so I may be back to posting for as long as I can ride this wave. Anyways it's 5am and I can't sleep because my stomach hurts so bad and my heart is pounding, and my brain is trying to convince me if I fall asleep I'll die. Love y'all 🩵🩷💛

[fictionfordays]

Good morning, my friends.

I wanted to share a little bit of a life update as I've had a LOT going on. You're welcome to read, or keep scrolling since I'll leave it under the cut!

Be warned: there will be some triggering content such as health problems, mentions of death, food, surgery, mentions of suicide, etc

Please do NOT read if any of those topics are triggering for you!

So, I'll start off by mentioning the positives!

We bought a house! My partner and I have been working very hard to get all moved in while also wrangling an almost 5 year old. I've been doing a lot of unpacking and moving furniture around, trying to get my son to help when he's able to, but needless to say, I need a break lol

As I mentioned my son will be 5 next weekend! And he starts school the following week, which will be soooo nice. Bittersweet. I love the little bugger but I cannot keep up with his energy.

Now for the negatives.

My mom is going through a lot. She's terminally ill, has been for a while, and it's rough to see what she's going through. Constantly sick, can barely eat most days, etc. But now it's starting to finally have effects. There is deterioration in the upper part of her GI tract and she's sick so much that she's now back on a fully liquid diet of whatever she CAN get down. There are treatments but they tend not to go well for people that have them done. To top it all off, she's also having a lot of fibroids. So many in fact that she will be having a hysterectomy next week.

She's only 45.

My dad, due to his service in the military, is suffering severe ptsd and is incredibly suicidal. I cannot even tell you how many times he's attempted in the last 6 months alone, and I'm not even aware of all of his attempts. He has anger issues. He wears hearing aids. And things have gotten so bad that he's suffering from memory loss, potentially Parkinson's disease, and he's very paranoid about EVERYTHING. He's also been having some kind of heart issue that we've recently discovered where he's been having frequent "heart events" (?) We're still waiting about the cardiologist to see what's going on there.

He's only 46.

To top this off, my parents, after 27 years, are trying to decide if they need to take a break.

My anxiety has grown so much in the last year and a half, that I now carry noise canceling headphones with me everywhere I go, along with my medications. I almost have Shigaraki's dry ass lips and that's not for lack of trying! Chapsticks and various lip products chap my lips terribly and I have dermatitis that refuses to go away with medication. I feel gross most of the time, and I've refused to go to places like the pool bc I feel so insecure about my body. My eating disorder has been making a comeback.

It got very dark very abruptly so I tried to end on a less dark note. Sorry about that 😅

Thanks for reading if you stuck around! I'm doing my best to bust out some writings and some drawings, it's just taking a while with everything happening rn.

On another note, poll results are in! I've put together the rules and everything for my event, and that'll be posted on the 1st!

[mushlandsandbeyond]

Final Entry

An entry from the late Philippe Aphros's diary.

Just Paste It version: [LINK]

= = =

Junius 29, 15XX

Ariana is gone. It's been several days of fighting and she's gone. The Cataclysm doesn't seem to be backing down easily, but it seems to be slowing down. Hopefully, I will be able to find its weak spot and take it down with the Vita Extraction spell... 

[ ID: a weathered and smudged page from Philippe's diary. Concept sigils for the extraction spell. The others are just sketches, but the largest one has a circle surrounding four leaves, slanted diagonally and meeting at the center. The leaves have the words "seize" and "withdraw" written in the galactic alphabet. At the very center of this sigil was a square with bars, representing a cage or a cell. The rest of the sigil is decorated with more leaves and arrows pointing towards the cage. at the bottom, there is text that says: 1. Draw on sand, 2. write the words with dyed flow ink to finalise, 3. chant the words quietly for 5 minutes straight. there is more text below that that says "if killed beforehand..." end ID. ]

I still can't believe everything she's done to Calicle Way. First, sending me off to an expedition that led to NOWHERE, only to come back years later and find her puppeting a vessel that looked exactly like me. I feel sick, I feel like an apple rotting from the inside, festering and being consumed by the Earth herself... Our fight with each other was short lived after the emergence of this wretched beast, and before exchanging any more words, she was eaten just like it was nothing. Words cannot explain the full scope of my emotions. This betrayal of my own twin sister, I can't help but feel so, so livid. I've cried about fifty times already, all about different things relating to my sister. I'm tired.

The wizards of Calicle Way are dwindling. If something happens to me before the spell is cast, I pray to the Goddess of Dust that their fight will soon be over. This spell and sigil is quite challenging to cast, unfortunately... The power is dependent on the intent of the caster. If the caster was not as willing to sap the energy from the Cataclysm, it would take much more manpower to subdue it to the ground. A waste of energy, really...

Regardless, I just want this over with. I want to help Calicle Way like I promised I would, mend our relationship again, as the ruler... Ariana had done enough to my people.

... Before I go back to bed, I just want to record the prophetic dream I had. In my dream... Before I saw myself failing to protect Calicle Way from my sister, I saw something shadow over the shores. It was a man's silhouette, unusually large for his small size, but... It formed and shifted. It looked exactly like the beast we're desperately trying to eliminate.

Then I saw a descendant of mine. He would slay the shadow once and for all. He was young. In my dream, it was as if I was transported fifteen-hundred years into the future. I was devastated to see that it would take so many years, with Calicle Way in shambles from him of all things.

I couldn't find my great grandson's name... and I can't recall now, either. But I found the shadow's name instead. Why it had a name, I have no idea, but it seemed to be very attached to the name "Samson". Strange. I hope I'm wrong about that, because giving it a name would make it seem more human, and right now, that thing is the least human creature on this planet.

Although it is barely sunrise, I'm no longer tired. I can't sleep any longer, and "Samson" has crawled back into the cave and passed out from exhaustion according to the intelligence. That gives me more time to finish casting this spell... It would be too risky to wake him up again.

Goodnight. If that dream turns out to be true, I hope my great grandson reads this... You are our hope, and by the time you read this, I am already dead. However, I hope that this dream is wrong. I love you.

[ This is the last page in Philippe's diary. ]

[halflifedecay]

Depressive rant about game art jobs then divulging into health anxiety. more under the cut. feel free to disregard

Depressive and negative thought: sometimes I don't think I'm cut out for professional game art.. most concept art job apps almost always say "lead" or "senior". If they don't, they require 5 or more years of experience with a shipped game under your belt. They expect you to be a wizard of 2D and 3D tools. There is just so much to learn to be an employable concept artist these days with so little time left over after working to simply give myself a few dollars. It feels almost unattainable unless I get incredibly lucky and land a gig. i just wanna draw and more importantly, learn and grow.

I have to preface that i am incredibly fortunate to live with my partner who does support my career as well as financially. I do realize i have the luxury to focus on my work even if it means it does make me much, so long as i continue to work on it. but even with luxury of time, it still a struggle to make quality portfolio work while juggling a million otherprojects and personal things.

My parents still call me on the phone asking if I've been looking for jobs, I do but these job apps are dreadful as I've mentioned. I think why bother when I don't qualify based on these requirements.

Sometimes I wish I can just do my silly little drawings for myself, and do part time jobs, but I learned the hard way, that life is not for me. I did it and I was miserable, i worked 30 hrs a week and i barely had the time or energy to give to art. i feel behind enough as it is being 27 with no job prospects I don't really possess any other discernible skills to apply to a different job. I've made and accepted the choice of making art my job, and that means i may not want to do art all the time bc i am not 100% confident in my skills all the time. im working on being more confident so i can hit the ground running on what i need to do. I can't give up, I love art and I've put so much time, passion and thought into my craft.

Aside from getting a job that allows me to do something I love, I get a salary with, hopefully, good health insurance. I don't know if this is the state of US healthcare now, but in my area, its hard to find a PCP who isn't booked into the next year, and then the first one you get an appt for, cancels on you literally 10 mintes before the scheduled time. and so ive had to wait a couple extra weeks. My health anxiety lightening up leans on doctors to tell me i am infact, not dying, and no, i dont have a tumor bc my lungs and muscles feel funny sometimes. I catatophise about my health so much, im in this vicious cycle of random symptom occuring > becoming anxious > new symptom occurs or becomes worse bc of anxiety > sometimes these symptoms go away on their own > they dont > anxiety ensues. so these past few weeks, i occassionally get this voice that tells me im gonna die bc i am not 100% okay, just waiting for the day i can see my PCP and be told whats up. this isnt the first time this has happened, and when i do get checked out, it is something pretty normal and managable. i really want to see this PCP next week, have it be not much of anything, laugh it off, and just go back to drawing in peace and heal.

but for now i have to sit with that anxiety, and think, why do i feel this way. for starters, i started with my mother being anti-vax, im not going to even get into that now, then covid; fear that i got it at some point and i didn't know it (i never had loss of taste and smell, but did get sick a few times, and my rapid and pcr tests were negative). what if i did get covid and i am experiencing long covid? hence why i have random symptoms all the time? that amougst getting older and generally being pretty uneducated about what happens to your body after 25! i eat well, i stretch, i go outside and walk, yea i could absolutely exercise more, my mental is pretty good, i have a loving and supporting partner and family, i make art for a living, im still young, breathing and still making shit, why can't i get rid of this anxiety that im in terrible health.

that is all, any more and then i start worrying about it not being rambly, fixing errors, not the point here, just want to vent.

thanks for reading.

[inardescere]

Interrupting whatever the architect is doing has become normal to him, however this time, it was important. Necessary? Not really, he could wait, but the scholar is unable to hold back as soon as he sees the golden locks tied up in a bun, a perfect moment also, to give him something he has been waiting to deliver, which he is carrying in his hand. Fingertips reaching the sides of his hips, pulling him towards his body, nose burying in the space, breathing his scent before tightening his hold with the box still being held. Alhaitham lets him go, only to open the box and reveal a gold necklace, flashy, big accesories that complement his hair and his facial structures. No words are spoken, instead, he puts the jewelry around his neck and locks it perfectly, pressing a soft kiss to his jaw. "It's handmade." He mentions, knuckles caressing the tender skin, only for index and thumb to squish softly his cheeks and make the blonde's lips to pucker up. "It suits you." No special occasion, just him paying attention to old conversations.

This design was coming out marvelously.

Except, Kaveh felt like the building was far too plain. He understood the client wanted it to be relatively quiet, with thick walls to block out sounds from the surroundings, minimum sunlight but plenty of ventilation as they worked with ink, three rooms, a living space, a small kitchen, and the list goes on. He had the interior design down, but the exterior was coming out rather bleak, which had him trying to it figure out for the past few hours.

Maybe this was the third sketch, or maybe it was the fourth? He's unsure as to how long he's been turning his head side to side, standing back, and then coming in to draw in lines, pushing aside the plethora of scribbled numbers for calculations littered around his feet in the form of yellow papers with his heel. Kaveh is sure he was just not inspired enough today, but he didn't feel like going out and the thought of leaving a project so close to done unfinished was bothering him, so he stands there, grumbling to himself with a deep frown and poking at his messy bun with his rapidly shortening pencil.

Which is why he's easily surprised when he feels a firm touch on his waist, a yelp coming from his lips, bare neck tickled by a familiar nose rubbing against his skin, sending tingles through his spine and his hair stand. "Alhaitham, I'm in the middle of work." He doesn't even have the energy to muster up a louder complaint, leaning into the touch instead as he feels exhaustion take over. He's sick of looking at these numbers, he realizes, and shifts his attention to the warmth of being held, relaxing his tight shoulders. "Hey, too tight!" He chides, squirming a bit when he tightens his hold, but he relents and tilts his head onto the man's shoulder, leaning on him till he had enough.

He spots the box and is still confused when Alhaitham pulls away to open it up, showing a beautiful necklace resting inside.

A brow is raised in question. "Did you finally decide to listen to my fashion advice and put on accessories of your own?" As happy as he was that the man came to show him, this piece wouldn't suit him as much as it was Kaveh's style. "Haiyi," he starts, then shuts up when the cool gold rests on in collar, a blush rising to his cheeks when the man's face comes too close, frozen in place as it clicks in his head, hearing his heart leap so high he swore he could feel it the gold resonate with it, vibrating on his skin. Slowly, Kaveh reached up to play with the accessory, noting that the design was definitely meant to be for him, considering it aligned perfectly with the style he vaguely remembers mentioning. Seeing it being presented to him like this has him taking a sharp breath.

"I don't think I forgot any important events."

Kaveh can't help but feel a little confused whilst being elated for getting a gift from his lover, fingers constantly playing with the necklace to check if it is still there. It's real, it's gorgeous, and it was for him. It takes the pinch of his soft cheeks for him to let out a disgruntled sound, finally snapping out of his daze with a step away and a mild glare. "You don't compliment someone while pinching their face like that! You're just teasing and laughing at me by making me look funny. There's no way I look good when you're making me look like a fish." He complains, looking up at the man and trying to guess the occasion. It was not either of their birthdays, it wasn't any special day in Sumeru, but there's no way he just gave a handmade necklace out of nowhere, right? Then again...

Crimson eyes flicker towards his messy work desk, a smaller box sitting innocently behind some of his scattered tools and his eyes come back straight to teal, smiling softly. Guess he was a living example refuting his claim. A gift for him... oh, Archons, he's so happy. He wants to give his own craft too, but it would be rude to return a gift with a gift, no matter how competitive he felt about not being able to give his gift first.

There's always next time.

"Thank you, Haiyi. I'll treasure it." He tries to play cool, but he is too obvious in the way his hands can't stay still, curling the loose baby hairs behind his ear and licking his lips to stop his smile from spreading. "I'm surprised you remembered what I told you. Even I forgot about it." Since he really had said it offhandedly out of nowhere while the topic of their conversation switched again and again. "Who made it though?" He pinches the rather large charm in between his fingers so he can pull it up, unable to stop looking. "It's lovely." He tilts his head, then gives a toothy grin before continuing, "If this happened to be a gift to ask for my forgiveness for something I don't know about yet, I might actually be convinced." The blond jokes, totally valid because it's all Alhaitham's fault for not using more words to properly explain himself and what this was for, grinning wider as he finally lets go of the necklace, leaning up to give a peck on his lips before he pulls away to stretch out his limbs. If there were a few worryingly loud cracks, he's sure Alhaitham has heard enough of it while living together, neither of them should be phased.

"I need a break from work anyway! I think I'll go to my closet to find a few outfits that match the necklace. So, Haiyi..." He flutters his lashes as he peers up, knowing exactly what that did to his lover, a sweet smile on his lips as he leans right on him. "Want a show?"

[delphi-dreamin]

Hey, so, figured I'd give y'all a life update since it seems the problem isn't getting any better.

I've been sick for the past week and some change. Coughing, chest congestion, stuffy head, no voice. It's been pretty bad. I've had two negative covid tests, so it isn't that, thankfully. But I don't know what it is and it isn't getting any better. I'm barely functioning at work and probably should have stayed home, but I'm scraping by.

Unfortunately, since I've been sick, I've had exactly zero inspiration or energy to write. Or draw. Or do hardly anything remotely creative. Thus the headcanon requests. They get my brain moving and I get to post at least smaller stuff for y'all.

I don't know when I'll be feeling better or up to writing on my series, but I'll for sure try to keep y'all posted.

And please keep sending in headcanon requests! I really enjoy working on them!

[deathdoesntkillyou]

Modie (the dream)

Moses: [anyway, I’m gonna drop my dream here because it can go from when they are at this sketchy pub, that fits and you can tell me if there’s any bits you like/wanna carry forward or what bits you don’t and if you wanna go in a different direction entirely, seeing as I had it and I wrote it down lol, bear with because it’s an essay]

Moses: [right so let’s say we’re at this sketchy pub like I said… he sat her on his knee like you would a little kid (except not at all because it's y'all) and he was doing BIG strokes of her hair like his cousin and brother do to Ali and therefore why wouldn't you have also done that to her and now this gal, running his fingers through it because he's not over how much she looks like him with it even though he would've been STARING at her at so many points this entire day thus far, pulling it off her neck and holding it how you do when you're holding someone's hair back for them to be sick or if you're gonna hold it in a ponytail for them that kind of energy, literally kissing the back of her neck despite the fact and because of the fact they are in public, bouncing her on his knee a lil bit because we ALL know she can't keep still about this and then finding where she cut off a strand of her hair from and kissing her there too (because I vibe that she has sent that off in the post to arrive when he's back where he's working and missing her, which makes sense because you'd want the dye job to be fresh to death and not at all faded for when you see him hence you've only just done it, which btw imagine if she had and he again didn't come, she'd literally end up cutting off all her hair and being bald!) before he led her to the toilets of this place and he literally sat her on the baby changing thing because duh she is his baby (which was thankfully clean and not gross) to be indecent…

and how it went was that he brushed a finger over her bottom lip really lightly and then put it in her mouth just enough to be slightly wet but not enough that it was fully in her mouth or that she could suck it (to give slow and gentle and soft vibes only as well as do the most and draw this out let's not lie) and then he used that finger, lightly brushing it over her clit the same way he did her bottom lip (it cannot be overstated how lightly at first or how much he was taking his time so that she knew it would be like that when they eventually hooked up and she could trust him and he wouldn't hurt her, as well as again to do the most and draw it out in this vaguely public setting, let's again not lie) then obvs he gradually did more until he graduated from that finger being inside of her to using 3 (because sacred number, so again duh it had to be) still slowly but so !! and thoroughly, and speaking of thorough, the way he was studying her every reaction this entire time to make sure she was okay and he wasn't doing too much was insanely intense frankly, sometimes he'd literally backtrack a few steps going back to doing less and there was even a point that he started all over again from the start and built it back up (as if they weren't in a toilet together that someone could be waiting to use) + don't even start me on the EYE CONTACT when he wasn't studying her face or her body's reactions and their eyes were just LOCKED on each others, the indecency, so yeah she DIED about it all because how could she not and not only that, more importantly the sight and feel of her cumming on his fingers made him cum right there in his pants and when I tell you the man was SHOOK lol because that had clearly never happened before given that he hadn't even been touched or dry humped upon and so he couldn't even get the words out to tell her or make himself believe it was really happening, he was just like 'I'm gonna-' and then he was, barely managing to choke out the word 'fuck' in his disbelief and then saying 'baby' with ALL the feeling before he was DEAD too and had to pull her to him almost off the baby changing thing with his !! while he breathed heavily and they just LOOKED at each other for a minute before he eventually recovered enough to suck his fingers clean and taste her, breathlessly in her ear telling her how she tastes better than whatever he said Alison did and both their fave flavours of cake, then he kissed her quickly (because he didn't trust himself not to turn it into a full makeout sesh and escalate things even further otherwise) but dramatically so she could taste herself too in his mouth…

and anyway then he redressed her and carried her out of this bathroom (because in no world could she walk after that and he wasn't in the mood to let her) and they went to go on their shopping spree because he needed a new outfit to wear out of said shop since he's leaving this bathroom with a very visible and unmistakable wet patch on his trousers and they've still got more things to go and do like his tattoo and food so, that was the end of my dream except to say that when he wore his new outfit out of the shop his old one was in the bag and at some point before he left she stole his underwear out of it and put them into hers (because yeah he 1000% bought her some more stuff even though it's his bday, he's that bitch) so she could keep the underwear he jizzed in, because of course she did]

[knowtheskybeyond]

Whumptober 2023 October 6, 2023

Recording | Made to Watch | “It should have been me.” Wheeler and Wynn Yuta Trigger Warning: Transphobia

Every single time that Wheeler woke up so the sound of his sibling screaming, his heart sunk a little bit more. He knew exactly what those screams were from, exactly what events had caused them. It wasn't any one singular event though; it was years and years of repeated abuse by their father. It was years of being caught in wheeler's clothes and beaten for the simple act of wearing the garment that made them the most comfortable. Wheeler would never understand it. He would never be able to understand but something as simple as his sibling wanting to wear a hoodie and a pair of jeans instead of a long pink flowing gown was something that upset, and in their father’s mind disrespected him so much. Even years later he had absolutely no understanding of it. It was just close, or in the beginning it had been.

He would come to understand in later years that for his sibling it was so much more than just close. For Wynn, it was who they were not what they wore. They had started borrowing their brother’s clothes as early as twelve years old, but they didn't start broaching the idea of a different gender identity with their father until they were about fifteen. That was when everything started to get worse. The beatings grew more intense, and the language used against his sibling became so vile the Wheeler felt as though he was going to be sick even thinking about trying to repeat it now.

As he sat on the edge of the bed where his siblings slept in the apartment, they shared with their new surrogate father and trainer Drew Gulak, Wheeler reached out to gently stroke his sibling 's arm. “He can't get to you anymore Wynn,” he said softly. “He's never going to hurt you again I promise.” He had spoken those words almost a thousand times since they had left the home they had grown up in and gone out to fend for themselves. The early days weren't easy, but none of that mattered any more. What mattered now was the anger that Wheeler felt when he realized just how deeply his sibling had been hurt by the years and years of abuse they had suffered. To see them all these years later still waking up in the middle of the night screaming and afraid of the man that was supposed to protect them made his blood boil. The one thing a parent was supposed to do was keep their child safe, instead their father had become his siblings greatest fear.

“It was the birthday again,” the younger whimpered. “My 16th birthday and that damn dress.��� They wiped their eyes and sat up in bed a little. They had barely moved from the position they had been sleeping in even when the nightmare woke them with a scream. They had found in these later years they didn't have the energy to set up immediately. The energy that it took just to relive that trauma was more than they could handle at first.

Wheeler knew exactly what they were talking about, he always did. He remembered every single beating he hadn't been able to stop. He remembered every single time when they were younger, and he had been too cowardly to say anything to their father. He remembered every single time he had failed his younger sibling. “I should have done more for you,” he said quietly drawing in a slow, sharp breath. “I should have stopped him sooner. I should have gotten you out of there sooner. I should have taken the beatings myself, stepped in between the two of you and stopped him from ever laying a hand on you. It should have been me. It should be me that has to be the one to deal with all these ghosts that you have to carry now. I'm the older one I'm supposed to be the protector, and I couldn't do that for you.”

“You were just a kid, Wheeler,” Wynn insisted. “We were both just kids, and as soon as it was safe for you to get me out of there you did. If we had left sooner, what would we have done? We had to steal to get by anyway, can you imagine if we had been any younger? Can you imagine if you had gotten me out of there when I was twelve? You were barely in high school then. You couldn't have gotten a job to find us a place to stay, we would have ended up on the street, or wards of the state. If we had tried to do things the legal way, it would have been his word versus ours. Even if they had taken us out of the house, they probably would have separated us. You did what you could to keep us together, and you did what you could to keep me safe while we were stuck in that house. There's nothing else that you could have done.”

The younger’s brown eyes looked up to meet their brother’s. “You can't blame yourself for what you did or didn't do when we were children, that isn't fair to you. The reality is you got me out, and that's what's important here. You saved my life Wheeler. That's the truth of it. I'm sure if we hadn't gotten out when we did, that he probably would have killed me. I'm sure of it. I've had plenty of nightmares about that exact thing. I can almost feel what it would have been like. That is in our reality though, because you got me out of there. You are my hero, plain and simple. I won't have you over here beating yourself up over details of the situation that there's no way you could have changed. I'm still alive because you got me out of there. That's all that matters now, okay?”

Wheeler slipped into the bed beside his sibling and wrapped his arms carefully around their waist. “I'll stay with you for the rest of the night, that way I'll be right here if it happens again.” He let his sibling rest their head on his chest as he had many times over the years. Maybe they were right, maybe he had done everything he could, but that didn't change the fact that he would blame himself for the rest of his life for what happened to his sibling.

[mrdarknesswolf]

Me : god I'm so sick that I barely have any energy to draw

Also me bothering artist that I admire