#I'm talking about Chuuya in case that wasn't clear

[noa-ciharu]

I'm not sure if I'm onto something here but this page/explanation plus everything that follows has always been suspicious to me

First and foremost: blood poisoning isn't most peaceful way to die, far from that. If poison is so lethal Dazai and Fyodor are supposed to die in 30 mins symptoms would have started showing right away - and yet throught whole Meursalut escape arc we see none. Not a single 'I'm feeling weak'. It's stated that Fyodor spent 5 mins just waiting for Chuuya to arrive so I'm really doubtful whole sequence of him and Chuuya nearly drowning, then killing time halting ability user, trying to drown Sigma and Dazai, Fyodor's and Sigma's confrontation and Fyodor's escape could have happened under 25 mins. Of course, it could be that whatever Nikolai gave them takes more than half an hour to kill a human but that still doesn't explain 1) why no symptoms 2) why neither Dazai nor Fyodor seem to be in the hurry to leave

Therefore my assumption is that whatever Nikolai gave them wasn't lethal in the first place.

But why lie then? Why organize the whole game to begin with?

Well, it's certainly challenging to determine motives of character as unpredictable as Nikolai. His absurdist life philosophy of seeking freedom by trying to escape himself and what makes him human certainly doesn't help the case. One of guesses can be pure entertainment, just for sake of it. For an entertainer it fits the bill. But I think there's more to it.

Except he doesn't really. By now we know whatever Fyodor's ability is that it isn't combat one - if Nikolai wanted to kill him he wouldn't necessarily need to know what it is. Not to mention Sigma can extract info from corpses, meaning they can kill Fyodor and then find out about his ability. While I'm certain Nikolai doesn't really want Fyodor dead, I can't claim with absolutely certain at that point in manga he's aware of that himself (of course he is after Fyodor 'dies' later on).

Much rather than that I think Nikolai is trying to kill what Fyodor evoke in him - feeling of being understood and wanting to understand other in return. That'll explain the game, trying to break Fyodor out of the prison without being too straightforward about it because he himself cannot decide what he really wants and stick by one decision, putting trust on test, wanting to know about Fyodor's ability and generally about Fyodor and so on.

While it's definitely arguable if Dazai would receive an antidote if he just killed Fyodor without actually escaping, it's also worth noting he was leisure with time (aka had time of his life soft bulling Sigma). Of course, chapter where Dazai talks with Nikolai post all the mess is yet to come out so it's impossible to tell in advance, but I have a hunch Dazai knew right from the start there's no danger of blood poisoning. Or at very least took gamble on that. Nikolai said something among "my apologies I have to poison you too but he (fyodor) wouldn't take the syringe otherwise" so it's clear right off the bat Dazai doesn't really hold his interest in that whole game. He's there for Fyodor and brought Sigma with him to extract information out of him.

As for Fyodor, did he knew blood poisoning wasn't a thing? Before chapter 111 I would have said yes given he too didn't seem to he in the hurry to escape, had no symptoms and didn't take the antidote right off the bat when Nikolai gave it to him. But then we have this:

Does Fyodor mean poison or game itself? My guess is poison because if latter that'd imply Fyodor expected Nikolai to help him break out of Mesaurlet which would imply broken trust. And we all know Fyodor and placing trust in others is like oil and water

To me Nikolai looks straightout dejected here. He's a performer that revels in these types of high stakes game, he should be grinning like a madman - but he's not. So in my opinion he was searching something from Fyodor here that he didn't quite get. It could be just in this scene/exchange or in whole game. But if my hunch that Nikolai was trying to get Fyodor out of Meursalut just needed Fyodor to place iota trust in him is correct, then Fyodor stamping over that hope and failing to see Nikolai's intention wasn't to kill him despite his theatrical proclaims it is would be reason for dejection. Whatever bids for connection he was looking in Fyodor likely won't be returned because of Fyodor's mistrust in people and abiding by cold rationale rather than intuition/emotions.

Therefore my conclusion is that whole Gogol game was a test:

- for Fyodor to put trust in others when he has no rational basis to (his major character flaw) - and that's precisely why he lost in the end. I could go miles here how Dazai put trust in Chuuya (and even Sigma) and how those bonds are very reason he managed to win but that's for some other time gives there's a lot to be talked about soukoku, I'd like to focus on doa trio here.

- for Sigma to realize the difference between being used and being of use, aka realize difference between transaction and a bond. I'd say he did well by placing trust in Dazai but it's yet to be seen if his decision to take Fyodor's hand was the 'right' one. His character arc ain't over, it heavily depends on what info he extracted from Fyodor so it's too early to tell how it'll go. Also this depends on Dazai's actions anime hasn't shown, like will he stick to his promise to save Sigma or not. Given promise he made to Oda 4 years before, I think it's definitely in character for Dazai to come back for him, fetch comatose Sigma and bring him to Yokohama.

- for Nikolai himself to realize what he wants to do with feeling of emotional/intellectual connection he deemed as 'imprisoning'. He's at conundrum himself what he wants to do with Fyodor: help him or kill him - accept the instinct or fight against it for no other reason than to oppose very self - lose sight of himself in the end just like Fyodor said. If we go by anime ending (I doubt manga one will be much diffrent), he came to realization how Fyodor changed his life and how he actually never wanted him dead but it was too late by then. Now haunted by realization only one who ever understood him and only person he ever felt connected to is dead, Nikolai will come to realize true hell of being imprisoned by own mind without means of escaping.

All three of them had some sort of downfall induced by their 'cardinal sins'; their own 'decays' as downfalls source from inner character flaws, so to speak.

[crimson0lake]

BSD: One Time Sanity

Chapter-1: Worse case scenario

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Warning: swears, mentioned blood, mentioned corpses, mentioned ripped limbs, more swears.

A.n: hello, it been a while since I posted something, but I'm thinking to be more active after the second or third chapter's post. I hope you guys enjoy the tale of gravity siblings!

Ao3

Masterlist and rules

BSD: One Time Sanity Masterlist

___________________________________________________________________

The waiting gets longer and longer my minutes, for some reasons the investigation team couldn't get where he was. What was happening was all messed up and absurd at this point! At first the plane which should have been arrived later landed way more early. This valley was too empty, the investigation team couldn't get where he was, and.. that symbol in the plane...

Did someone possibly know about his past? Was that a prank? A trick? Was he falling for another trap again? But who possibly could knew it? It just didn't sound right

Chuuya breaks out of his thoughts when an vehicle coming by start to be audible. 'finally. It took way too long for them to get back here' he thought as he let out a breath he didn't realise he was holding. It wasn't the best but it was better than being alone with his thoughts now

Fast forward to ten minutes later, the investigation team had arrived to his destination, some quickly gets out of the vehicle and following where Chuuya told them the plane is while others start to take out their materials and equipments from the van.

Yet it didn't took long enough till two of the investigators, who went where Chuuya described, return with a confused look.

—Chuuya-san, are you sure the description you gave us where the plane is?

One asks with slight nervousness that people get when they are talking to a mafia executive.

—Yes. I'm most certainly sure, that is where that plane is located. Why?

Now he was confused too, why were they asking this to him? They should have been found the plane. It just can't be possibly fall into a hole that just opened and closed!

—Cause.. there's no plane.

Or maybe it can.

—What?!

—Theres no plane there Chuuya-san.

The two investigators look at eachother nervously before the other one continues his colleague started

—There's no plane in sight, Chuuya-san. There isn't even a part of plane, or a single proof that there was one there any near time. The grass wasn't even leaned towards or looked crushed.

Chuuya could only listen to the two men explain the valley. But wait, this whole ass plane just couldn't be possibly vanish to thin air! He saw it with his own eyes, the blood, the corpses. He even checked if the bodies were still alive! He remembered that symbol very clearly like it happened just a second ago.

—That's can't be. There was a plane and corpses just moments ago! Do you guys sure you guys aren't forgetting something? Is this some kind of joke?

The two investigators look at eachother again then to Chuuya before one offered him to see the valley himself.

'okay, I'm going go check this thing myself, and that plane would be there.. right?' he started walking the same path he used to go to the valley, slowly walking towards that same place where that reminder of his nightmare was.

Yet his steps stopped in his tracks, eyes widen with shock and confusion. The plane... It really was gone. No trace, no leaned or crushed grass, no blood or any possible proof that plane actually was there!

—What the fuck... Is happening..?

His mutter to himself didn't last long as he checked his phone again, when he last tried to call investigation team from this valley, his phone couldn't work right and he couldn't make a call.

Yet another answer was right infront of his eyes, his phone was working clearly well and his connection was clear as it never been.

'What the fuck is going on? Is this some kind of prank?!' there shouldn't be anymore explanation to this situation than a prank, right? I mean, a whole big ass plane disappearing in 35 minutes or so, no trace of it left, his phone was working as well as always...

'No, the plane was just here! It was here! It should have been... here... What's going on with this valley?! Is someone playing pranks on me?! That ugly mackerel isn't this cruel to use that nightmare against me!? So what-..'

—What the fuck is going on with me..

______________________________________________________

—Chuuya-san, can you explain what happened there again?

Chuuya was looking calm as always, he opened his mouth, repeating the same words for the second time to his boss. That incident really take a roll on port mafia. Not only they lost many very important documents about port mafia and it's doings, whereabouts, they also lost many important and dangerous weapons was in that plane.

—Yes boss. I get to the destination at the decided time. Yet the plane was already landed. I went to greet our guests and take them to the port mafia base, I knock on the door with the decided code but there was no answer. I repeat the process three times before using my ability to open the door. The seven men in the plane was dead, alongside with the plane crew and pilots. I checked everyone there. There was no vitals. There was so many blood on the walls. The documents were long gone. There was no connection so I had no choice but go back down

Chuuya clench his fist that he is holding with his other hand behind his back as he come to that part

—I go back from the path I used to go there to call the investigation team. It took about 25 minutes for them to come there. It took ten minutes for the first part of the team return. They told me to the disappearance of the plane and how there wasn't even a plane been there to begin with. I went to check it out, and after that is the same as me and others described.

Mori placed his hands back on the reports infront of him with a half serious and half calm look.

—That is certainly a weird scenario. The valley, it does not look there was a plane even slightest. Also investigators reported that they found no blood soaked in dirt or on the grass as well.

Chuuya could only bite inside his cheeks and clench his fist, digging his nails to his palm with the same memories flashing back at him from that moment and his past.

—Hm.. Do you know about the werewolf game, Chuuya-san?

The gravity manipulator looks at his boss with a calm and serious gaze before speaking

—No, I don't, boss.

—Well, this scenario is just a bad replication of that game.

The executive let's out a silent confused sound before he quickly regains his composure.

—In that game of Werewolf that children often play. There would be two werewolfs and a doctor. Others would be villagers and no one would know who is who. The doctor have to keep themselves hidden so werewolfs won't try to kill him. While werewolfs would decide to kill one player each part of the game. The main topic of that game is, strong and well actions can even hide the beasts and murderers, while weak and off guard ones gets framed for their crimes.

Chuuya was still confused to his boss' words, he didn't understand it fully yet he get the idea. After Mori had finished he spoke again, selecting his words way more careful than always.

—So the men who were killed were on villagers. Those who killed them thinking they are werewolves. And trying to get someone framed, and that someone is being me.

—Just like that, Chuuya-san.

Mori smiled again with his that same dark and serious smiles yet there was a power just his smile holds..

He takes some reports and documents from the pile on his desk and places places to side

—I want you to find who is this bold to be port Mafia's enemy and bring them to me, alive and in one piece. You may go now.

Chuuya could only nod and take the reports and documents placed to side of his boss' desk. He bowed down before leaving the office with the documents.

Whoever was messing with mafia had get their hands in the worst case scenario now. They rather be careful or their heads won't be in place soon.

______________________________________________________

—I don't even wanna know how the fuck is our coffee machine is broken... And why the fuck there's a arm in the trash bag?

The younger boy shrug his shoulders as he slowly suck the candy in his mouth

—Dunno? Why is our coffee machine is broken, Hermano?

The older boy rubs his templates before sighing, he was using his last patience with this... Creature.

—First thing first. Don't use random Spanish words in a normal sentence, this is irritating me cause I cannot understand you most of the time. Second, are you going to completely ignore the fact there's an whole ripped apart ARM in our trash bag?!

—Might crawl itself there.

—so you arent technically disagreeing you ripped someone's arm out.

—Im not agreeing either.

—You know what? IM GOING TO KICK YOUR DAMN ASS FOR BREAKING MY COFFEE MACHINE, YOU LITTLE SHI-

There goes the last patience.

[nataliaphantomhivesblog]

Newsflash: Dazai cares for Chuuya

Before reading any further, I will be talking about stormbringer, so spoilers ahead!! Translation credits go out to: @popopretty on tumblr, make sure to give this kind human some love and appreciation<3

Also if you want to read the first few chapters of stormbringer: @buraihatranslations is currently translating it, give them much love and appreciation as well, they deserve it!!

Honestly, I have been so obsessed with Soukoku lately and I think the reason behind this is because when it comes to Soukoku, their feelings for each other are not as easy to grasp as love or hate, it is much more profound than that. There is care, hurt, trust, resentment, companionship, bitterness, and consideration...And ironically enough, thats just the tip of the iceberg.

If we break down their individual feelings towards each other, it will be easier to understand their bond.

On Chuuya's end, his feelings are much more clear due to his expressive personality. He wears his emotions on his sleeves, he can try and hide what he feels towards Dazai but his true feelings tend to unravel easily.

He sometimes tries to mask his feelings towards Dazai by throwing insults, but his facial expressions are enough to contradict what he is saying.

Chuuya's feelings towards Dazai can be easier to comprehend. He obviously feels this certain betrayal due to the fact Dazai left the Port Mafia. Not to mention, he and Dazai have always had a rivalry relationship.

In the Soukoku wiki page, it is stated that Chuuya is aware of Dazai not experiencing a proper childhood, therefore allows him to act as childish as he can and lets him tease him relentlessly. I don't know how reliable this source is, but either way I think its worthy enough to add.

In the Dragon head conflict when Dazai was out of sight, Chuuya told Mori to forget about Dazai. That was until Hirotsu mentioned a microscope, Chuuya quickly realizes it was code language because he remembered a previous conversation where Dazai says he needs a microscope to be able to see Chuuya properly.

The moment he figured out it was a tracker, Chuuya did not hesitate to jump in and rescue Dazai. But here is the catch: No one but Chuuya knew about the microscope, if Chuuya really didn't care for Dazai he wouldn't have mentioned the microscope and kept all this under wraps, leaving Dazai in a mess.

Chuuya trusts Dazai with his life. He never hesitates to leave his life on Dazai's hands when it has to come to it. Chuuya and Dazai have known each other for years, for Chuuya to be able to trust Dazai that much is because Dazai also cares for him too, right?

The answer here is yes, Dazai cares for Chuuya. In a superficial level, it doesn't seem like Dazai truly cares, but I can assure you that he does care for him. Weather you like to think of his care in a platonic or romantic manner, the care Dazai has for Chuuya is undeniable and extremely significant for Dazai's character.

I think that stormbringer establishes this idea even further. There is one specific moment in this light novel that shows his genuine concern towards Chuuya's well being:

"There is one problem." Dazai cut off his sentence hesitantly. "It has nothing to do with the sucess rate of the plan. It is a matter we have to overcome in the end but... It may require some time to decide."

"What's with you?" Chuuya raised his eyebrows at Dazai. "Stop dramatizing it. Just hurry up and say it."

"I said earlier about this control spell to open the 'gate' that is used to reset the command inside Chuuya, right?" Dazai spoke with a strangely restrained voice. "If we use that, the logs of the command formula that were written in the past will be erased. That means...even if the memory erasure was used on Chuuya in the past, the traces of that will be erased as well."

"What?"

"I told you before right, the memory erasure command. The only way we can confirm if Chuuya is human or not is to check the history to see if the memory erasure command was ever used. It means..." Dazai looked at Chuuya with eyes that he had never looked at him before. Those eyes were serious. "If we use that control spell, the method to confirm if Chuuya is an artificial personality created by a string of code, or just a normal human being, will be lost. For good."

The time had stopped.

Chuuya opened his eyes and looked towards Dazai but his eyes were not seeing anything. The wind blew between the two of them. Even so, Chuuya did not blink.

"Verlaine became like that because he was tormented by the curse that he was not human. That only is enough of a big problem. The matter of being human or not." Dazai looked at his pocket watch, gave it a glance and continued. "I can delay the time until the plan starts for about two minutes. I will send an order for my men to wait... You can think about it alone for a while. Cuz I guess its hard for you to collect your thoughts with me around."

Having said so, Dazai turned away and walked down the stairs, leaving Chuuya alone.

Dazai fixated in his pocket watch. Two more minutes. Too short for a life decision. But he couldn't afford more than that.

Inside Dazai's head, he was planning a procedure to swith to an alternative plan in case Chuuya refused, at a tremendous speed.

This section in stormbringer is personally one of my favorites, this is a very rare moment between both of them, but especially for Dazai. Like I stated earlier Chuuya wears his emotions on his sleeves, therefore even if he tries to mask his care with insults, its still painfully noticable that he genuienly looks after Dazai. Chuuya also sometimes show a vulnerable side of himself to Dazai, especially after using corruption.

Dazai on the other hand is extremely unreadable. Its hard to understand his true intentions and if he really cares for people or only sees them as a pawn. In this moment though, Dazai was being painfully genuine. Dazai literally prioritized Chuuya over the mission. He was already thinking of coming up with an alternative plan just in case Chuuya refused, obviously the sucess rate of the alternative plan would be lesser than the actual plan Dazai had in mind, he choose Chuuya's wellbeing over a mission.

In this section, Dazai wasn't throwing jokes or witty remarks, he was being serious. Because Dazai knows how desperately Chuuya wants to be human. He knows how important being human is to Chuuya.

Dazai wasn't manipulating Chuuya by giving him the chance to decide, we can see that Dazai was literally showing a lot of hesitation when mentioning this to him, we also get to see what Dazai was thinking, and we can tell he wasn't thinking about manipulative his movements in any way. All of this wasn't coming out of manipulation, it was coming out of pure care.

After six steps, Dazai reached the stair. He stepped on the stair and started walking down. Three steps down the stair, he heard a *clang*, a cool sound of metal echoing behind him. It sounded like the metal was kicked by the sole of someones shoes. The moment Dazai realized what the sound was, Dazai turned around in surprise.

There was already no one at the top.

Dazai was dazed for a moment, then he loosened his lips and laughed.

"Trying to act cool, huh?" Dazai smiled, both annoyed and relieved. Then he turned on his radio and sent out his order. "Chuuya has sallied, everyone get ready for battle."

I personally love this part so much, relief washed over Dazai the moment he noticed that Chuuya was going to go through with the first plan, which proves my point that he wasn't manipulating him and how Dazai was under a lot of stress because he wasn't sure if the alternative plan would be as effective as his original one.

Yet he still was willing to go through the alternative plan if Chuuya refused, because Dazai values him and regards his wellbeing.

Dazai was being surprisingly gentle in this section, he was being honest. There was no ulterior motive behind his actions here, just a boy looking after his partner.

"So i'm going to send an order to my men to prepare for action... Is that okay?"

"Of course it's okay." Chuuya turned to Dazai. "Why are you asking me such a thing?"

Dazai didn't answer right away.

That was an unusual expression. It's like he was trying to say something, but he had to arrange the words in his head to decide where he should start. An expression he rarely shows.

This was right before Dazai drops the bomb to Chuuya about the memory erasure command. He was even asking for Chuuya's opinion on sending his men to get ready, this was the first time Dazai ever showed actual concern without masking it with witty remarks. You can tell that Chuuya isn't used to this.

And when you think about it, when Dazai and Chuuya have missions together, Dazai always uses corruption as a last resort and he always allows Chuuya to make the decision if they will be using it or not.

I personally belive that the main reason Chuuya trusts Dazai with using corruption is because The Sheep used to exploit his powers too much, but Dazai leaves the decision to use corruption up to Chuuya. Dazai understands the physical and mental toll corruption takes on Chuuya and therefore leaves the choice up to him.

Theres another section in stormbringer that I really enjoy, it doesn't necessairly show solicitude but I still think this should still be taken into consideration:

"You seem pretty confident that Chuuya is human, don't you?"

"I am," Dazai laughed with a sigh. "There is no way a man-made code could create such a personality that I detest so much."

Throughout the whole story, Dazai is more than determined that Chuuya is human. The main reason Dazai finds Chuuya so intresting is because of how frighteningly human Chuuya can be, because of the fact that he always wears his emotions on his sleeves, something Dazai rarely does himself. Thats personally a nice sentiment from Dazai's end, even when Chuuya struggles completely when it comes to believing in his own humanity, Dazai still can't help but see him as a human being.

Also I am aware that Dazai literally said he detests Chuuya here but he also sighed and laughed while stating this, showing us that he isn't being serious about hating him.

And its not only in stormbringer were he shows his concern towards Chuuya. In fact, in this following manga pannel Dazai is telling Chuuya that if he is willing to listen him, he will stage his own escape so that Chuuya doesn't get punnished.

Honestly, if Dazai didn't care enough for Chuuya, he wouldn't have mentioned this to him. Chuuya didn't care enough to realize that he literally unwillingly freed Dazai which would get the pm mad at him, so the fact that Dazai is literally helping him out is no doubt out of care for him. If Dazai didn't have any regard for Chuuya he would've not staged his escape or mentioned anything to Chuuya, eventually incriminating him.

There are many misconceptions when it comes to Dazai's feelings towards Chuuya, people think that he doesn't care for him due to the fact that he left the Port Mafia, leaving Chuuya behind. But heres the thing: Dazai's intentions had nothing to do with Chuuya. He left the organization for his own good, he left it to fullfill Oda's wish.

"If Dazai cared for Chuuya then why didn't he take Chuuya with him?" the reason is simple, he knows how much the PM means to Chuuya. In stormbringer it is shown that Chuuya feels as if his humanity is attached to the people he is loyal to, in this case its the port mafia. Verlaine wanted to get rid of the pm because he believed that the pm is what kept Chuuya's humanity, eventually making Chuuya believe that he is only human if he stays loyal to the pm. Dazai knows this. Thats exactly why he didn't take Chuuya with him or even explains to Chuuya why he left, he knows it would be selfish to basically rip Chuuya's sense of humanity apart.

I have a feeling that if Dazai told Chuuya about the real reason he left the Port Mafia, Chuuya will not only feel conflicted about being in the pm, but he would also have an inner conflict with himself as a human.

People also think Dazai may not really care for him because of the fact that after the fight against Lovecraft he actualy deserted him, maybe that part was truly just supposed to be seen as simple humor, but either way I want to talk about it. Chuuya's only request to Dazai was to take him back to base safe, so why did Dazai leave Chuuya behind?

I mean he has carried Chuuya back to saftey before with no problem, for example in stormbringer when Chuuya uses corruption for the first time Dazai carries him back to the billiards bar and not to the mafia’s base so that he could say goodbye to his passing friends.

The reson behind this is because Mori needs to know that unlike Dazai, Chuuya is absolutely loyal to him. Leaving Chuuya the way he did will make Mori believe that these two really are at each others throats and that Dazai is insignificant to Chuuya. Making it seem that for Chuuya, the mafia comes first before anything else.

Therefore Dazai established Chuuya's saftey within the mafia since not only does Mori want these two to be hostile with each other, he doesn't want Chuuya to eventually turn against him if he truly found out more about Dazai's true reason of departure. Then again, this isn't canon but it is a logical assumption.

Not to mention that although Dazai did leave him behind, he folded Chuuya's coat and hat before taking his leave. There is also an an extra chapter where Ozaki Kouyou was talking with Chuuya but when he left he forgot his coat, which made Kouyou came across the coat; where she noticed a badge sewed inside saying "Name: Hatrack", she smiled fondly thinking to herself that some things just never change, in this case, Dazai and Chuuya's bond.

Dazai literally took his time to sew this into his coat just to tease him, it was a simple gesture but it shows us how their dynamic will never change. No matter what these two go through, they will always share a bond that consists on teasing, trust and underlying care.

All of this actually makes that theory of Dazai planting a bomb under Chuuya's car for the sole reason that the PM doesn't find Chuuya as an acomplice who aided Dazai on his escape much more feasable.

For Dazai to just plant a bomb under Chuuya's car with no motive makes no sense because if Dazai's true intentions were to simply mess with Chuuya, he would've most likely made it clear at that time. Dazai always has an underlying motive behind his actions, and in this case it is very likely that he did that for Chuuya's sake.

Don't get me wrong, I am aware that the bomb incident could've just been a comedic moment and I shouldn't look too much into it, but there is still a posibility, right?

These two hold so much trust and care for one another, yet they also hold a lot of bitterness and resentment. In the end the good aspects of their dynamic outweighs the bad.

Either you see these two in a platonic or romantic way, you can't tell me that their bond isn't significant.

Thank you so much for reading!! I wanted to talk about this for a while because I feel like people misinterpret Dazai's feelings towards Chuuya a lot so I hope this clears up things a bit<3

[soukoku-rivals]

Chapter 9, page 36

Start Here

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At this point it feels like we are repeating the same stuff here but - consent is important! So even if you skipped last 3 pages, you still get consent talk.

Want to join the Discord or follow me on Kofi? All the useful links are in the Masterpost! Early access to pages for Kofi supporters every Friday and extra content every Monday.

It feels like the whole point if this chapter was just showing how much people care about Chuuya and Dazai and how much they care for each other.

There are hundreds of Soukoku fics where their relationship is bordering on toxic. I'm here for the soft parts [and angst but love hurts. and is fluffy]

They are meant for each other.

[so this was a long one that didn't fit in tumblr window. sorry for the small font]

Consent is definitely sexy. I cannot imagine anything more enticing than the knowledge that your partner wants you as much as you want them. it must be so intoxicating!

Generally, in Chuuya's life people used him for his power and for what he could do for them. To some point Chuuya accepts it as a part of life [the best example here would be the Mafia. Chuuya is an executive but for Mori he is also a powerful weapon].

Dazai wants to show him that this point of view cannot always be accepted and Chuuya deserves better.

Yasss, some hugging, some loving, all the good stuff.

'Yeah *she says guiltily*.

The Master and Margarita was one of the subjects I wanted to cover in Author's Notes that I will be posting after we finish the comic but since you asked, may as well do it now.

First of all, yes, the subject should have definitely been covered in the main story and it is entirely my fault it wasn't. However, when I got to this part, I realized it should have been covered way sooner than the last chapter.

This is going to be a long rant but a short version would be I probably didn't explain well enough why Fyodor used it and how it relates to his relationship with Chuuya.

Long version is, well, complicated.

From the characters point of view, Fyodor didn't actually need to use The Master and Margarita on Chuuya. He himself is smart and manipulative enough, that he would be able to control an amnesic Chuuya without any enhancements. The reason he even hired Bulgakov and his troupe was because of Hela. Hela was his connection to Dumas and Locke. She gave him the information he needed to get Dumas' blood and cause Locke to erase Chuuya's memories. Later, she betrayed him [still part of the plan] so that Chuuya could land in Agency's hands, where he had a chance at grabbing Atsushi.

The main reason Fyodor actually even used The Master and Margarita was to cause Dazai more distress [you may remember how panicked he was once he found out about Bulgakovs ability.]

Ultimately, while the ability made Chuuya easier to control, it wasn't actually a necessity. It looked important because from Dazai's point of view it could be tragic in consequences, but in reality it didn't play much role.

That's why I said it should have been addressed earlier, preferably in Dazai's flat after Chuuya got his memories back, when Dazai still wasn't entirely sure about his loyalties. As I said before, main reason for using Bulgakov was to get Dumas and Locke involved, and scare Dazai, but a bonus was convincing Chuuya that Fyodor's views on abilities are correct - abilities are a sin, and sinners must be destroyed. Of course, once the ability was nullified, that effect slowly disappeared. However, Chuuya may still hold some of Fyodor's convictions.

The Master and Margarita was never used with intent of getting Chuuya to have sex with Fyodor. That was pure manipulation on Fyodor's part - 'if you're loyal to me, you will do it.' Of course, the ability probably influenced Chuuya's behavior but ultimately sex was coerced through different means.

From mine, as in the author's, point of view - I wanted Chuuya's experience to be more relatable and also using mind control as an explanation for Fyoya would be getting rid of problem way too.

I think I mentioned before, but one of my friends was in sort of a similar abusive relationship and as I got to this part, it felt as if enforcing sex with ability would somehow cheapen the real trauma. If the source of the traume was the mind control, than yeah, sure, that is one terrifying thing to imagine that someone may control you this way. However, it was mostly about physical intimacy and how Chuuya was allowing himself to be used by Fyodor to gain his favor.

At that point if we said 'you were controlled by an ability' would be like saying 'you had no choice, therefore don't feel any guilt about it.' An Chuuya, being the way he is might have thought that either a: he should have known better anyway and wouldn't listen to Dazai, or b: decide that yes, it was all because of an ability, not my fault at all [*happy sexy times with Dazai ensue*]

Not mixing in The Master and Margarita into this conversation/situation actually makes it more tragic and in this case more relatable. Fyodor was using him but Chuuya is struggling with the fact that he allowed it. He could have refused. Nothing was stopping him. Nothing except for his need to be accepted by Fyodor. This seems more like real life to me.

That's why I didn't mention Bulgakov's ability in this situation. I should have put it in sooner. I will know better in the future [hopefully.] I hope this answer satisfies you and clears some things.

[sweet-cynical-writer]

Zai's Notes: Hello~ I know I have been slow on writing but I'm doing my best to keep up. I saw recently a good friend of mine wasn't feeling too well.. I thought I would write this for her. I hope you enjoy it. And someday I hope I can really be there for you.

Genre: Angst

Word count: 894.

Warnings: Death, Suicide, Alcoholism, Heavy depression themes overall.

I'm here for you.

Going through life is all fun and games until you realize this wasn't a game to begin with. Hitting a few bumps in the road never stopped you. They were only minor inconveniences and life goes on. Or so you told yourself. It was only the beginning of your suffering that would bring you to the edge of living.

Facing adversity became a daily thing for you. It was like another task to complete when you woke up to start your day. You would mentally prepare yourself for what disaster lies ahead. And as much as you didn't seem to mind helping others, there was something about helping them smile that would make you hurt on the inside. 

Was it jealousy? Anguish from your own past? Did you not want them happy? Of course you want them happy. Then their smiles should make you feel happy too, so why didn't they? 

So why don't you feel happy today? This particular day you just don't feel up to it. You don't want to talk or see anyone that smiled so carelessly. 

You tried to keep to yourself and stay inside your room all day. But everything was becoming too much. You only wanted one person to understand how you felt. One person to tell you it wasn't wrong to feel the way you do. 

Then the idea occurred to you: There is such a person who wouldn't care how you felt. Actually, he would happily offer a solution to this unbearable emotion you are currently facing. 

It just took a simple message and he was knocking at your door. You answered it with a grin seeing he held a couple bottles of liquor in his arms. Whiskey. 

“I snagged a favor from Chuuya, in case you're wondering if I stole this.”

You shrugged your shoulders and let him inside. Honestly you couldn't care less if he stole the bottles or not. As long as you could escape this ugly feeling of not belonging then you would gladly look the other way. 

***

The two of you had settled into your bedroom to drink your problems away. Both of you took turns in talking about the problematic people in your lives and shared laughs. You forgot about your thoughts of wanting to end it all until Dazai pulled out a small bottle. It was so small, you probably could have mistaken it for a decoration. 

He followed your gaze at the bottle and gave you a sly smile. You knew what that was. The only question in your head now was: Can you really go through with it?

Thinking back, there are a few people who genuinely care about you. The few who weren't selfish and trying to use you as a stepping stone to get further in life while you get left behind. So what if they care? What about how I feel? It was an internal conflict with yourself. Going back and forth about whether or not this was really your desire. 

“You can't reverse this.”

Dazai broke your train of thought to focus on making a clear decision. He already placed a few drops in each of the glasses. Then he poured whiskey halfway and held out a glass to you. His own already in hand. You swallowed hard as you took the glass in your grasp.

With your mind floating already from the previous drinks, you figured maybe you won't taste it. In this moment, you could erase yourself from this world. No more troubles. No more stressing about the what ifs or what will happen. Death is absolute. 

You weren't alone either. Like a true friend, Dazai was there to drink with you. He had been searching for someone to accept his flaws like you. Everyone would either reject him or tell him he had issues. But not you. 

He held his glass up to yours for a toast. A faint, but warm smile appeared on his lips. Those dark chocolate colored eyes inviting death as they gazed back into your own. You held up your glass to mirror him with that same faint smile. 

“To our irreversible fate.”

“To death.”

Clink. The alcohol did well in masking the taste of poison. You could hardly tell anything was even mixed in with the drink. It felt the same as you always did when you drank whiskey. A burn running down your throat followed by a warming sensation to settle into your stomach. 

But that wasn't the only thing settling into your stomach. You felt yourself seize up and your eyes widened as you saw Dazai do the same. Except his gaze seemed more calm, more at peace with letting go. As he's been waiting forever for this moment to come. 

So this is what dying felt like? The feeling of your body forcibly shutting down and the tingling feeling starting from your toes, spreading throughout your body. You suddenly felt so tired. Like you have lived out over a million lifetimes and death was finally calling you for eternal sleep. 

You felt Dazai's hand grasp yours in that gentle, ‘I'm here for you’ kind of way. Both of you were laying beside each other. When did you collapse? It didn't matter. Your life was finally slipping away and you found yourself smiling back at Dazai. 

“Thank you… for being here with me.”

[pyrten]

DAZAI OSAMU : QUICK CHARACTER STUDY

(At 3 AM in the morning and that's why it's messy, all over the place and generally, shit.)

Majority of the characters in BSD are morally grey, Dazai included. I'm unable to categorise characters into good or evil, which is what makes BSD really nice to watch.  

Majority of the instances, whenever I have an opinion on someone like Dazai, it's mainly based on their actions. I'll make an exception for his case because I believe he speaks the truth sometimes. 

It's seriously difficult to believe what someone like him says. His weapon is his intellect and his tongue. He could say this and do that instead. Obviously he isn't good at combat, but he could say something and have you on the hook.

He's cunning, sly and in general: a liar (sometimes). As for psychological manipulation… well, it's not something to be looked down upon since it's in our everyday lives.

DARK ERA

He has a more serious aura and was far more suicidal compared to ADA Dazai. He barely flinched when a bullet grazed his cheek. 

I won't even sugarcoat the fact that Dazai is an asshole. 

The way he treated Akutagawa is wrong. The training may have made him resilient, but his mental health isn't in an okay shape. In the end, he even upped and left him without an explanation (although, I think Akutagawa has an idea of why he left).  

Remember when he fired at the GSS captain? If I didn't count wrong, it was 13 shots (my dude over here desecrating a corpse). 

(I couldn't find the GIF of him shooting the corpse, so this is as close as I can get)

He does poke fun at Chuuya, and you can perhaps say that he does some good (but we've only seen a single good deed so far…).

He recognized that Chuuya was being manipulated by the Sheep and in his own way gave him a push. There was the part* when Shirase was talking and it zoomed in on Dazai, who had a wary, analyzing look on him. 

It's clear that the Sheep is quite dependent on him. They believe that Chuuya will be there to save them whenever they fuck up (ex. crossing the river to steal booze, when they know it's near the PM HQ, in result, getting a few of their members captured). They came looking for him to put it simply, beat up and save their comrades, which points towards the fact that they are using him for his ability. 

Shirase also said:

"People who hold more cards than others have a responsibility. Fulfill your responsibility as the one with the trump card called an ability."*

Which again, further points towards the fact that they are using him for his ability and somewhat guilt tripping him. 

Dazai later adds his own input.

"Amusing. You guys are truly amusing. He's by far the strongest among you, but he's like a sheep being stared down by wolves." 

Called out. 

It then changes to show Chuuya's face. Honestly he looks on guard, and I think he knows what they're trying to do, but it's a can of worms he would rather not open, y' know?  

Dazai then later says once more when Shirase is trying to convince Chuuya to kick the PM's ass.

"Give it a rest. He has the freedom to choose how he uses his ability. Even a child would understand that. There's no argument." 

And as a final attempt to convince Chuuya, he pulls the old guilt trip card, which Dazai and Chuuya ignore. 

"Don't forget, Chuuya! The Sheep who took you in when you had no identity and nowhere to go! 

When all of this is happening, Dazai knew Chuuya was being manipulated, and he also watered the seed of doubt with his actions, and in the end the Sheep turned their backs on Chuuya, which led to Chuuya joining the Port Mafia. 

I can say this was a small good deed, pulling Chuuya out, but the choice was Chuuya's and he just gave a push. 

ARMED DETECTIVE AGENCY

Dazai isn't a naturally kind and virtuous person, but he's trying, for Oda (oh boy).

The way he handled Kyoka's situation wasn't all rainbows and confetti. 

I have a feeling he's trying to look at the bigger picture, to save people (perhaps because he blames himself for Oda's death, but I'll set that aside temporarily due to the time), but his methods aren't... nice. Atsushi has gotten hurt multiple times, Akutagawa too. In some ways, I suppose I can understand some things are unavoidable, but still. 

Compared to how he treated Akutagawa, he's far better with Atsushi. He's treating him the way Oda treated him. 

Atsushi has a completely different mindset compared to Akutagawa. He's a selfless person, he fights injustice. If Dazai tried to treat him the way he treated Akutagawa, I can confirm that isn't gonna turn out good. 

Besides, he's trying to become a better person. That, and he owes Akutagawa an apology.

From this part onwards, these are all flash thoughts that I wrote quickly because I'm falling asleep by the minute.

FLASH THOUGHT #1 :

Now that's over with… I don't particularly have anything to add on. So I'm going to move onto… uh, how do I word this, facade?

I said above that his weapon is his intellect. It's clear that whatever he has on can be fake, or real. Y'know that goofy, playful Dazai we all know. 

He's probably able to control his every movement and actions. Like, I cannot imagine Dazai doing something ACCIDENTALLY. Imagine that, someone who can control his own heartbeat, doing something accidentally (unintentionally, he never meant to do it, yeah that would be surprising).

But then again he's human… despite being a strategic and tactical genius… so yes, him doing something on accident would be interesting to watch.

Now if he miscalculated or like mistaken, uh, like that time, with the hiker, BSD Season 3. Then, yes that's understandable. 

FLASH THOUGHT #2:

Mk… facade and accidents are covered… uh… I'll talk about the power he had when he was 14, Dark Era Dazai.

… He had enough sway in the mafia since he was 14 (correct me if I'm wrong). He was allowed to be the sole witness of the Boss's final wish. SOLE WITNESS. A young boy at the age of 14 was allowed to be the sole witness. 

He was considered to be the youngest executive in the Port Mafia. If so, then why didn't the other executives (during the reign of the Old Boss) fight over the choice to be the witness of the Boss's death other than Mori. Perhaps the Old Boss didn't have executives, but that's unlikely.  

Now, that's something.  

FLASH THOUGHT #3:

Talking about suicide… I think Dazai doesn't want to die, but he does. He's failed so many suicide attempts, some of them being sabotaged, but what about the others. 

Since Dazai didn't have anyone around his age constantly (save for Oda and Ango, but several years later… perhaps when he was 16, seeing how Oda and Dazai knew each other during the Dragon's Head Rush), he only had victories of his missions and such to comfort his loneliness.  

I think that it's practically ingrained in him. 

Dying means winning and losing. Your life is finished. 

If that's the case, dying would mean he lost (but won). It's conflicting and confusing as hell, I know ;-; . I'm trying to explain my thoughts the best I can - . 

When Chuuya came around, his loneliness was, um, calmed, a little. 

Oda died and gave him a reason to live.

I think he still feels a little lonely though.

That's the end. I'll be out like a light in about 3 mins so I'll just, drop a GIF and go before I start pressing anything on accident.

Yep, okay, bye bye.

oh, I forgot the hashtags, um .

Hashtags added.

Good night. :D