#I've been listening to this song on fucking loop for the past week

[acheemient]

Where are all the Aziraphale/Crowley fan videos set to "Take Me to Church"??

This is an outrage, I would like to make a complaint.

[garf-lover96]

my long ass elaborate ranking of Will Wood's (and The Tapeworms') albums!! (Everything is a Lot ranking list)

for the purpose of making this i've been listening to this whole album like non stop for the past week. i even made my parents listen to it with me (my mom liked it and said that she'd go to see the songs live if she could!). it was actually pretty difficult to rank all of them but i think the top 3 will remain unchanged forever, they're some of my all time favorites from will wood!! the way i'll do this i think is i'll write down all the things i like about a particular song, maybe a favorite lyric and a favorite moment or something. or just some general rambling. also i split Everything is a Lot into Everything is a Lot and Destroy to Enjoy, like in the remastered album!

———

1. Skeleton Appreciation Day in Vestal, NY (Bones)

first time i heard this song was over a year ago so i can't tell what my exact first impression was but it did almost immediately become my favorite song ever. I LOVE IT SO MUCH IT'S INSANE. also fun fact, memberoflottiescult really likes this song!

my main thing with this song is that it sounds like?? you know, bones?? it sounds like skeletons. the melody is like something a skeleton would've come up with. i can't explain it but it is hearable. best song ever

2. 6up 5oh Cop-Out (Pro / Con)

it was one of the first will's songs i've ever liked on spotify. ughhhh the energy, the general mashing of the piano and it sounding like it's about to fall apart any second lol!! the high ass notes. perfect, so perfect. i was listening to this song while purchasing a meter long plush goose. the song is like a brother to me

my favorite part is the spoken "am i being detained? am i under arrest? read me my rights please! I WANT MY PHONECALL" it's uhfhdfhkf. showstopping

3. White Knuckle Jerk (Where Do You Get Off?)

it took me exactly one (1) full listen to this one to absolutely fall in love with it, holy fuck. one of the best things i've ever heard. every time it's on i have to loop it a few times

my favorite parts are the "i wonder how i woke up in the middle of my surgery and i watched them botch my heart. only the second worst thing that i could've thought was 'this won't have to end if it doesn't start'" and "i'll never know what it's like to love you" because ummm???? the emotion in his voice omfg, i love it when this happens. it's so perfect (reminds me of julian devorak..........)

4. Lygerside Daydream

had me hooked after the first listen as well. i love the melody and i love how the lyrics are written here. i, too, want to blow the seeds of dandelions and wish for nothing more. such a sweet sound. one of my favorites as well. nice to daydream to, ha!!!

5. Front Street

idk how to explain this but the pace of the song, like the way the lyrics are sung is so satisfying. just the sentence structure and stuff.. uhhh i really don't know how to describe this, but i love it a whole lot. the piano melody here is amazing as well it so???? I DON'T FUCKING KNOW it's just good

6. The First Step

so nice to sing along to!!! "and i hope i don't choke on my vomit tonight" and "take my anxiety and my sobriety, i'll kill two birds with one stoner. so if you see me please, take my keys i don't wanna be an organ donor" are my favorite parts:3 so satisfyingly said

7. Chemical Overreaction / Compound Fracture

one of my first ones too i'm pretty sure. the chorus really pulled me in. fast and fun. i think i showed it to my godfather once. the spanish part scratches my brain so good

8. Cover This Song (A Little Bit Mine)

very nice to sing along to as well. i love the melody on the very first verse. i love the part with the piano solo so much

9. Everything is a Lot

i love the melody sooooooo much, "all the moments you've lost, all the money it cost" part is my favorite. shouldn't be overlooked!!!!!

10. Red Moon

i had to come around to it a bit but i actually love it. love the "the constellations form infinite paisleys in the sky" part, such a nice sound. satisfying lyrics in general

11. Thermodynamic Lawyer Esq. G.F.D.

nice to listen to when i want to have something screaming into my ears. loooove the fact that liar liar was sampled in the beginning, i really like that movie. i used to be obsessed with jim carrey also. i binged pretty much all of his movies as a little lad

12. Jimmy Mushrooms' Last Drink: Bedtime in Wayne, NJ

the kalimba kind of bothered me initially but i got used to it. i enjoy the melody. don't have much to say about it

13. ¡Aikido! (Neurotic / Erotic)

it's not horrible by any means, it just kind of doesn't do it for me. i usually skip it

14. Destroy to Enjoy

satisfying rhymes, i prefer not to listen to construction work as a past time

———

this took so long to put together, i kept forgetting about it or rearranging it...

[girlfriendsofthegalaxy]

tuesday again 10/24/2023

this post and this series not sponsored by hellofresh

listening

caravan palace's new single MAD. genuinely the song i've had on loop while working but i had a very strong "ugh can't use that one it's cringe" reaction while drafting this entry and am trying to sort of sit with myself for a bit and go okay WHY is it cringe? how can we talk about it being cringe other than the fact that steampunk and electroswing are no longer fashionable? some weeks the policy of No Such Thing As A Guilty Pleasure is easier than others

i would not classify this song as electro or swing, and it's considerably jazzier than their more recent dancey pop stuff. more of a languid stroll with enough brass to keep my brain interested while i peer at spreadsheets? spotify

-

reading

Alexis Hall's A Lady for a Duke. i liked this quite a bit but i have some longer form thoughts percolating that require a reread. it was a tense but fun read, i do not know that mr hall achieved the goal he set forth below. in a broad initial stroke, there is certainly a great deal of internal conflict not helped by our trans lead’s difficulty seeing her trans self in a loving relationship.

how this conflict resolves did genuinely keep me on the edge of my seat bc i could not fucking figure out how she was going to do it

-

watching

Pandora and the Flying Dutchman (1951, dir Lewin). this is a movie where (in the immortal words of the switchblade sisters podcast) it’s not what happens, but how it happens. the movie opens with fishermen dredging up two star-crossed lovers. i will not be particularly concerned with spoilers here or in my letterboxd review.

age and a deft scorsese-backed restoration have been very kind to this sea-mist movie. cinnamon fucking topography, technicolor at some of its prettiest and best used. jack cardiff (also did Black Narcissius, The Red Shoes, The African Queen) you've fucking done it again. the restored version is on american tubi and it's so so lush and dreamy. the very first handful of scenes contains a church bell ringing wildly, giving you glimpses of commotion on the beach, and it just keeps getting better from there. the beach party, full of dutch angles and toppled statuary and debauchery and no one dancing the same, is exactly the same as every beach party i have ever been to.

james mason is at his hottest, wettest, and most brooding. not all of our main characters are as openly debauched as pandora, but all of them are just as selfish. i have a lot of fucking beef with some of the letterboxd reviewers, who are simply wrong. pandora is not supposed to be a likeable or redeemable character. i think one of the questions for YOU to answer is whether or not a flighty, homewrecking, irresponsible woman like pandora is redeemed through her willingness to die for true love-- this is generally an admirable quality in myths and fairy tales, but is it cancelled out as just another flight of her fancies that ultimately kills her?

also the people who don't "get" what the film's about and complain it's too slow. it's about insanity and the sea what's not to get!!!

thank u @dying-suffering-french-stalkers

-

playing

so we are mostly through the genshin 4.1 part 2 events. i am so tired of the past few battle events cycling through the same arenas; however, this is the first event where i read the directions and was like "augh that's too complicated we'll do that later" and did all my weekly bounties instead. speaking of bounties, i finally did enough to unlock the treasure chest locator and confirmed my suspicions that i have in fact picked over the region pretty well in the last ~two months. the liffey and research institute were at 85% and 95% respectively before i unlocked this thing, but i did almost immediately find two remarkable chests in the far south by the port. augh. would have bit me if they had teeth etc. i would prefer if the regions showed 100% when i have actually 100%ed them instead of whatever margin they have going now, but i recognize that i have brain problems.

-

making

im MAD bc i was given a singular hellofresh dinner by a friend going on vacation and it was fairly easy to make and tasted good and everything WORKED. and it was like a fun little after work project!!! and the directions said “here’s what to do to the peppers if you don’t want it super spicy” and it most importantly it all WORKED. this is a very expensive thing to have a sudden interest in. i feel like i fuck up most of the food i make and i know that's part of the learning curve but it's SO fucking expensive to fuck up food and i have such a limited amount of energy :<

[calcified--heart]

6, 13, 17, 20, 21, 22, 25, 26, 29, 35, 47, 50, 55, 57 (purple), 62, 66

6. Who's an artist you really like but it's embarrassing to admit it? i don't really have any music that i'm embarrassed to listen to.

13. Who’s the most popular/mainstream artist you listen to? lady gaga, probably.

17. A song or album from the 80s: i've been listening to pretty hate machine basically on a loop for the past few weeks

20. A song or album from the 2010s: my sweet baby danger days i will always love danger days

21. A song or album from this year or last year:

22. What’s your favorite song or album from the year you where born?

25. Is there a song you used to like but can’t listen to anymore because you associate it with someone you don’t like? i guess i associate caraphernelia by pierce the veil with this guy i used to know and .dislike somewhat. but i just sort of grew out of ptv anyways.

26. Have you ever pretended to like an artist/song just to fit in or please somebody? yeah i pretended to like sleeping with sirens for a couple of years because my best friend at the time liked them. i do not like sleeping with sirens. the only song of theirs i can stand is their cover of iris, which i actually folded into my personality as a 14 year old or whatever.

29. Songs you love to dance to:

35. A song you like in a language you don’t speak:

47. Is there an artist you used to dislike but learned to like because of a friend’s influence? i mean there are certainly artists i wrote off, but never anything i've disliked really. or at least nothing can recall right now.

50. Is there an artist you used to love as a child/teenager but now is embarrassed to have ever liked? YES oh my god i was like a panic! at the disco melanie martinez twenty one pilots fuck.

55. An album you learned to love after listening to it again and again:

57. [Send me a color and I'll tell you the first song it reminded me of.] [purple]

62. Artists/bands you think have an impeccable discography, with no bad albums: deftones has an insane discography. i have never not liked a deftones song.

66. Share your favorite playlists that you or someone else has made! this was an attention whore question to ask because you know it's one of yours. but this has been at the top of my pinned playlists since you made it.

[tuesdayinthedas]

🎶✨️when u get this u have to put 5 songs u actually listen to, publish. then, tag some others🎶✨️ I was tagged by @bluewonderer 💖

I listen to so much all the timeeeeeee, but 100% these are the current weeks loop.

Where We Go When We Die by Thornhill - Such an underrated Aussie band, this whole album has been on repeat for me. This past Sunday I was lucky enough to see them live for the fourth time in two years. Absolutely smash a live set, Jacob's voice is amazing.

This Feeling by my!lane - I am a sucker for phonk (to no ones surprise), this songs a fucking banger

Crucify Me by Bring me the Horizon - Easily one of my most favourite bands I just really enjoy this song. Side note scored tickets to see then next year and I'm so excited! It'll be my fourth time seeing them I believe, second time as their own tour.

The Rebel Path by P.T. Adamczyk - From the Cyberpunk 2077 game, listen when you first hear this song the way they integrate it into the game play and story hits so fucking hard.

All the Strange Creatures by Murray Gold - From Doctor Who, I've always really loved this piece of music and I'm back on a Doctor Who kick.

Honorable mentions because I listen to so much music: Nurture by Thornhill - seriously just listen to the whole The Dark Pool album. Blade Runner 2049 by Synthwave Goose, listen anything vibey my dudes and I'm there I have a long lasting love for edm. God this doesnt cover enough of what I listen too lmao

Now this originally said "send this ask to 10 of your favourite followers (non-negotiable, positivity is cool)" but this isn't an ask but a tag game and also I ain't tagging that many people. Now for tagging! @pancake-with-a-blog @justapalspal @staroxny @thricepiercedpirate @livingthedragonlife @ursacircusart As always, you don't have to do this. But I'll read yours if you do!! If you see this and want to join please do and tag me so I can read it! 💖

[mineonmain]

9 People You'd Like To Know More

Thanks for tagging me lovely @incandescentflower 💛

Last song: I may or may not have had I Need Love by DKB on a loop for the past few days. Sorry for listening to good music ig ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Currently watching:

Jun and Jun (i have so many issues with this show, the top one being it's so boring!! I'm living for the Mr. Heart cameos and that's it rn i'm so sorry to all the girlies enjoying it. big fat nothing sandwich for me)

Hidden Agenda (a little slow on the 'plot' so far but i'm obsessed with joongdunk joongdunk-ing all over the place so i'm fucking living. no comment)

Minato's Laundromat 2 (just waiting for it to end so i can see how it ends. will we get any major character development? will we officially have 2 couples?? will minato stop being allergic to physical contact?? tune in next week!)

I Feel You Linger In The Air (just saw ep one the other day and it's looking SO FUCKING GOOD, if y'all aren't watching it you absolutely have to)

About to start:

idk. i'll have to see what's coming up and see if it looks interesting. Might tune in to the Korean Why R U remake just to see how bad it is lmaooo

Just finished:

Sing My Crush (underrated and not hyped up enough!! Nothing groundbreaking but a grand time, for a change it doesn't have a lot of the usual tropes and that's really refreshing!

Currently reading:

Not actively in the middle of a book bc I just finished one, but i'm starting the Good Omens book next.

Current obsession:

I don't know if I have a specific obsession over any one particular thing at the moment, but maybe it's ZB1 (or as I like to call them, Bepler)?? I've been following their journey since day 0 (stan our fruity king Jiwoong) and it's just been so much fun. I'm also following a whole bunch of the trainees who didn't officially debut with the group, hearing a lot of news of them debuting now too (and that too with a lot of their fellow trainees too - i haven't seen another survival show that was this popular that this many trainees have debuted together - you have the upcoming jellyfish ent team, haruto's new group, the redstart ent group, wumuti and jay and jongwoo are busy promoting, and wang zihao's just debuted)

uhhhh who can i tag. my usual girlies i guess @whatisgodtoanonbeliever @liyazaki @onstoryladders @webetterlove @respectthepetty @rythyme @antisocial-burrito @disasterbabygirlnick @dribs-and-drabbles @bisexualhedgehog @vegaspetesupremicy (that's not 9 yes i know, i am not jared 19)

[alucior]

@aether-biome tagged me to do 10 songs by 10 artists and also a reason why, or more a thought why I picked them:

Anti-hero by Taylor swift - Amazing song with one of the best lines I've heard her sing. "She's laughing up at us from hell," like that is iconic in and off itself. There are a lot of other bangers in her repitoire but this one really got the memoral lines in it.

Zombies at my pirate ship by Alestorm - A banger from front to end. I was lucky enough to see them live last year and the whole crowd was screaming along with them. It was a magical moment for real.

Hurt by Johnny Cash - The first cover of the list but realistically the song has moved into his hands more than Trents at this point. He might not have related to all the things he was singing about but the voice and way he spoke, otherworldly.

Honey and Glass by Peyton Cardoza - Another song that is about some really rough shit but sounds to beautifull. Like on a lyrical level you feel for them but also it's almost a connection to another place and time where you get transported to. I loved to listen to this while I was more sad and stuff but even now it's a something you can reflect with.

Roll the Old Chariot Along by many sailors and navy's - sometimes the vibe of a song isn't in the audiance it's in the people sining it. Seachanties are firmly in this catagory, we need to go back to the sea and spend time on a boat for a couple weeks. Anyway look up the song and just listen to them yell out loud.

flipp!ng a coin by Billlie - Just vibes, like they are soo good and have such a great discografy but this one had been one I have put on loop for like an hour or more before.

Hold on Tight by aespa - Same vibe but honeslty it's one of the best adaptaions of the classic tetris theme I've heard. Like the movie might be kinda wack but on soundtrack they definanlty hit it off lol.

Another One Bites the Dust by Queen - Absolute banger, pretty much everything they touched was gold. I believe I had this on my mp3 player when I was like five years old and it has stuck with me all these years. I blame my dad for influencing me but honestly I love them and they were the soundtrack to my youth.

Space Oddity by David Bowie - Another one of my all time favoites. The joys of having parents who were born in the 60's and grew up on the music of the time as well. Passing it down to me and stuff.

Heyah mama by K3 - yeah this is more a local hit, but made before they were made the pg stuff that dominated the past two decades of the childrens culture. But yeah this one is about fucking in summer which was a great subtext to learn about when you randomly listen to it again.

tagging @wolf-thecontradictorysentence , @duckyseuss and @frenchfrysplash feel free to do or not. it's all for fun. anyway thanks for tagging me aether :p

[kafus]

oh! for fave voca song i think u already know kyuuyaku hankagai by hiiragi magnetite but also a4。's jeep!? with kafu (mvs pretty flashy if i remember right) & ive's rinri no hitsugi with miku always get stuck in my head for weeks straight

i do!! i've listened to pretty much hiiragi magnetite's entire body of work, at least what's on their youtube right now. kyuuyaku hankagai is a banger and i've been meaning to go through and read more about aru sekai but i just have not been in the brainspace for it. every time i see ur infodumps it reminds me HSJDFKSDF

i'm listening to jeep!? and OOO HUGE FAN THIS FUCKING SLAPS this makes me want to dance :sob: i haven't been keeping up with new kafu songs the past few months!! my archival playlist of over 1k kafu songs is outdated!! this is going on it!! AHHH I'M GONNA BE LOOPING THIS FOR LIKE A WEEK AND I BLAME YOU /LH /J

also i've heard rinri no hitsugi!! it's good. i feel kinda guilty for finding it through tora v4's piko cover first though LMAO

[heartsofminds]

i got tagged by @gretagerwigsmuse for this ask tag so here we go! thanks for the tag (from quite literally one of the coolest people ever)!

nickname - so my name is so very common but my last name isn't and it's two first names with double letters (it's LL, and you could probably guess what it is lol) so growing up (even though I was the only girl in my grade with that name) i was always addressed as my first and last name in like a sing-song voice? idk one of the TAs at my elementary school started doing it and it stuck. my dad calls me boopy loopy (a derivative of boop-a-loop from when i was a baby). first grandchild and only granddaughter privileges have deemed me "baby girl" to all of my extended family which is somewhat of a subtle flex if you ask me.

sign: leo sun, scorpio moon, pisces rising. cursed. i'm aware.

height: 5'1 and certainly done growing.

last thing i goggled: "succession of the president" (one of my friends and i were in a heated debate on who would be president if the pro tempore of the senate happens to bypass the presidency. i was right (so humble of me, i know) and it's the secretary of state if you were wondering).

song stuck in head: love of my life - harry styles

number of followers: 2,151 which amazes me that you all stick around for my bullshit?? on a real note, i'm so grateful for you all!

amount of sleep: 6 and a half hours... the life of an overwhelmed college student the week before finals 🤭

lucky number: hmm. not really a lucky number but just my favorite one to write?? i LOVE writing the number 8. i do the two circles on top of each other instead of that figure eight bullshit because it's way more satisfying.

dream job: i want to be a district attorney eventually, but right now my passions lie with the prosecution of special crimes as an assistant district attorney! i still have a year and a half left of undergrad, three years of law school, and at least four years of slop work with the DA before i can probably achieve that, but they don't call me bullheaded for nothing! have also dabbled in writing things under an anonymous pseudonym just for shits and gigs alongside this too.

wearing: a large sweatshirt with a student org on it that i'm certainly not in, but stole from my student org's closet because it hadn't been claimed yet, black nike running shorts i've had since my freshman year of high school (because i go to an SEC school and the american south is fucking 68 degrees fahrenheit right now), and some white running shoes. not the most stylish, but comfy i guess.

movie/book that summarizes you: i really relate to nadine in the edge of seventeen which isn't good at ALL but that damn scorpio moon in me sees so much of my own turmoil in her. i also relate to a lot of the feelings in the angst that i write (published on here and still sitting in my google docs) because it's so hard to verbalize the overwhelming sadness and guilt i feel sometimes? idk. but on a much lighter note, the live-action cat in the hat (the terrifying one) and the movie surf's up with the penguins sculpted my childhood and my sense of humor so we're able to cope with humor! 🤪

favorite song: UGH i despise this question. absolutely hate it. i'll gi you a top three of all time from the past two years maybe? so in no particular order, pool by paramore (which is where the title of 'cause no one breaks my heart like you' came from lol), chit chat by beach weather, and perfect places by lorde! i have so many others and would LOVE to give y'all the link to my spotify if you wanna check some of them out! oddly specific named playlists are my niche attachment.

favorite instrument: i love the versatility of the piano, but i'm gonna have to go with the cello. the amount of times i've listened to bach's cello suite no. 1 in high school so i could be "deep and intellectual" is a testament to how far i'll go to force myself to like something. it would be borderline offensive to not put it in there.

aesthetic: i've been DYING to speak on this. i love love LOVE 70s vibes (the flare pants, denim/corduroy jumpsuits, velvet everything, conversation pits. you know. the works) and also love the kind of cool aunt who travels and no one really knows that much about her vibe? like dakota johnson but less of an industry baby? the aunt from the ramona books by beverly cleary kind of thing? it's really hard to explain but my pinterest encapsulates that perfectly. i swear!!!

favorite author: i LOVE maya angelou, sonia sanchez, amy tan, and a few others! i recently read yusef salaam's memoir and loved it! i also want to get more into poetry and other classics but just haven't really had much time to read much of anything other than school readings or proofreading my own works.

fun fact: okay so i have a literal dent in the middle of my head? like i've had it for as long as i can remember and when i was little, i used to fill it up with water in the shower. it's like my literal fun fact that i accidentally disclose whenever i've had a few tequila shots and am literally bouncing off the walls with half-written thoughts in my head. i’m kind of obnoxious, if you couldn’t tell 😵‍💫

tagging a couple of other people because this was actually so fun?? i hope you all enjoy this as much as i did!

@hangmanapologist @sunlightmurdock @callsignvalley @currentlybradshaw

[fledglingmaster]

Clairaudience

Bonjour! This might read a tad janky, but this feels like the place to post this as it concerns my host and his demon. This is Bleu by the way. Hi!

I'm going, "how does he do that?" As if a demon/vampire (not sure how he'd identify these days, given how my host is I'm leaning towards demon) that is in spirit form (for lack of better words) couldn't drop a few signs here and there.

My host, more so than I, tends to notice things in songs. Or meaningful songs come on at the exact right moment and play in the background. He's into that psychic stuff. Not that I don't believe in it myself, I mean I've witnessed things...it's just not my cup of tea. I didn't inherit that gift from my mother. But my host will hear a song and a certain line might stand out as if it's louder when it's not. Or he'll hyperfocus on a song because something is urging him to listen. It's like someone tapping him on the shoulder insistently and going, "hey pay attention right now!" I believe it, I know how it is for him, but I don't usually experience such things.

As I say this, when Sebastian has a message, even I feel like I'm being beamed in the face with it. The first time it happened was when I was co-fronting and my host was drawing. I asked him then, "is this what it's like for you?" I don't think it was coincidence that when he was working on a piece that dealt with his past, we both heard, "I'll be there as soon as I can. But I'm busy mending broken pieces of the life I had before." My host was so casually, "yeah that's Sebastian." Umm...I'm sorry this is fucking weird. It was like someone screamed those words in my ear. I mean the presence I felt, the line, I think I had my first ghost experience while (co)fronting.

I don't know how to interpret that message. Does that mean he's still stuck in the time loop? Does that mean he will manifest at some point in this life? If he manifests...I'm assuming he will come into someone's system. It would be really cruel for him to be human born and what? When he finally gets to be my host's current age my host would be in his 60's? No, we had two tragic lives, third time's a charm, right? I would think ideally, he'd manifest in our system. But I'm not sure if there would be issues with that. I know my host already has stated he'd rather not bind Sebastian to a human vessel and this one...it's not in the best shape. But enough on that...

I've been fronting since the whole dog thing yesterday more or less. I have random music on, kind of letting it do its own roulette sort of thing. We've been listening to Sleep Token since the beginning of the month. They were a band that happened to play, and we liked them. One of those 'suggested for you' type of things. My host really felt 'The Apparition' fit his situation well. Had a good cry about it and everything. So, this band neither of us knew existed until around a week ago, this song has my host an absolute mess. That is his new song. He loves it, it feels like his heart is being ripped out, lovely. (Oh my god...I can't some days with him...at least he's letting himself cry.)

There are probably many songs we haven't heard from the band but a new one, for us, came up today. 'Are You Really Okay?' This time I'm fronting but I felt how my host was feeling before that, and I know his mental state is poor. This was one of those stand out songs in a personal way. I did a look around the room and asked if it was Sebastian. Right after that song 'The Apparition' played and that felt like Sebastian confirming it. Now, me being the healthy skeptic I am, I had to look up albums and that is the order of the songs on the album. One could say logically that's why it played in that order. Though I find it interesting that we've listen to this band as well as other bands mixed for hours, probably a few solid days' worth and the first song never was played. As I'm attempting to be hopeful but I'm still doubting Motionless in White's 'Eternally Yours' plays next. Okay, I get it, it really is you. This is so freaky.

Anyway, host, Sebastian says you can't harm yourself. So, listen! You'll get over this rough patch. By the way, our likes are at 555, I know you like those angel numbers.

[toiletwipes]

and i'd give up forever to touch you

chapter three. eyes on fire.

Summary: Will goes over to your dorm, and ends up meeting Rosie, the girl of his dreams. And somehow, he finds comfort in the shared space with both of y'all.

ao3 link. ~2k words. masterlist.

---

pulling into the campus, he calls your number, not wanting to take any more time than he has to. not that his heart didn't give him any grief because what would be the purpose of having a heart if he didn't need a reminder that he could fuck up at a moment's notice?

your voice rang out, calling out directions before he settles in a guest parking spot as he waits for you to come out of the dorm building, and when he sees you, he's pleasantly surprised.

your sweater and sweatpants wasn't what he expected but hey, it was saturday and he wasn't going to tell you to change. in your own dorm? a dick move, even he had standards not to do such a thing.

but if you were dressed comfortably, then rosie surely would be.

you skipped to his car, looking far too comfortable in holding his car door open and holding a hand out. and he can't tell if he's supposed to put his hand or his backpack in there. (he really didn't want to hold hands with you.)

he ends up holding out his wrist hesitantly and you didn't waste time, fingers latching onto his thin wrist and dragging him up two flights of stairs.

breathing in on a pattern of four beats, he manages to hide his ragged breathing to a minimum and watches as you didn't even unlock the door, pushes it open with a nudge of your elbow, and finds himself in a sweet smelling dorm room. it wasn't huge, but it wasn't that closet-esque typical dorm he saw in movies.

"rosie isn't here at the moment but when she does get here, she's supposedly bringing dinner with her, so, be on the lookout for that." you ramble absentmindedly as you continue your way through the dorm, picking up idle items that didn't make it past your judgemental stare.

he's standing. in the middle of the living room before you're there to usher him to take a seat on one of the couches. "i've been listening to this song on a nonstop loop for days, weeks now! and I'm just starting to realize that maybe bigger isn't better?"

"w-what? what do you mean by that?" he stumbles over his words several times, hoping that you didn't bring him here just to tell him he's out. but that wouldn't make any sense, you practically begged him to do this for you, let him have first dibs!

"i was going to ask a whole string of orchestra students to do this but after talking with my friend who's in orchestra, he said that barely anybody has time to do anything extra, except for him. and you know, that sucks but hey! he's a literal prodigy when it comes to strings so he'll be a big help." he blinks. you did this a lot, rambling, words spilling out as if you just spoke your thoughts as they came.

he listens to you talk more about the strings in the song before your phone rings and you don't seem to notice until the third ring.

when you picked it up, your face went slack and nodded. "coming then." hanging up and sliding your phone into your pocket, you hum as you stand. he goes to move with you but you just explain that rosie needs help with the food and that he just stays there and makes himself at home.

he waits until you close the door behind you before launching himself out the seat. he wouldn't have much time.

~~~

holding onto the brown bags of food, you glance around the dorm parking lot, as your roommate I digging through the back of her camry.

"so you invited your crush over?" she calls out from inside the car, and you're half tempted to kick her knees in from behind.

"he's not my crush."

"oh yeah? then why did you spend the past few days talking about him and your project, which to me, sounds like a way to baby trap him."

you gasp, choosing to kick at her shins.

"you-! it's just music, not a fuckin' baby."

"uh huh, sure. but if you ever need me to leave for like an hour, just text me," she teased as she finally slides out with a few plastic bags hanging on her arms. "come on, i'm sweating out here."

you huff as you let her pass you by, making her way up the stairs quietly before asking her what she thought of him.

"of wilbur? i don't know yet, never met the guy before and he sounds familiar but i can't say just yet." she shrugs, leaning against the wall for a second to catch her breath before moving to go up the stairs.

well for you, he was just..

amazing.

posted his own music, not even caring if anybody saw. he just wrote and played and sent it out because he couldn't just keep it to himself.

it made you want to do the same.

but that's why you're doing this, to get into the groove of writing, or more like transcribing really, and adjusting and recording, and just enjoying the music that comes out in the end. you wanted that with wilbur.

and as you approach your door, heart racing from the stairs and maybe from something else entirely. you wouldn't admit that someone has you like this. rosie wouldnt let you live it down.

she wouldn't let you forget for five minutes about your 'obsession' with him.

~~~

the door opens and he's standing in the kitchen with a glass of water and has to remind himself to swallow the mouthful he had when rosie walks in.

her hair settling on her shoulders like clouds, her face peaceful and flushed, from the stairs probably. and her sundress with a sweater over it, with her shoes- his heart almost couldn't take it.

and then you followed right up behind her with a big sigh heaving out of you. "remind me to sign petition for an elevator," you huff, placing the bags on the table and brushed past will to get to the living room again.

"put a movie on," rosie calls out to you as she empties out the bags of dinner. turning to him, she nudges him with a burger and chips in a bag, all for himself. "go make sure they actually put a movie on," she gives him a soft smile before turning back to the food at hand.

he nods, forgot what she said entirely as he shuffles to sit on one side of the couch with you dealing with the tv.

"what do you like to watch, will?" you asked, giving up on choosing a movie you liked already. it hadn't even passed a minute, will thinks to himself.

"i uhh, i don't really know." he answers weakly, but you shrug, clicked your tongue and moved on.

"put on twilight!" rosie calls out with a mouthful of chips.

"oooh, yeah, that's always good to watch," you mumble to yourself, scrolling through netflix as you searched for the title. finding it, you clicked on the play option, watching as the beginning plays out.

will eats his burger rather slow, watching rosie out of the corner of his eyes, watching as her face relaxed and munching on the food she got, and how she snorted with every line bella speaks.

"this soundtrack is so good," you moan out, listening to eyes on fire play through the speakers, and he brings himself to look at you. your knees pulled to your chest and your food sitting on the arm of the couch. "i hate how this is actually in my playlist, like all of the songs," you turn to will, smiling as you talked and he couldn't help but smile back at you, even if it was a small one.

he finishes his food by the time bella is hit with a car and panic spreads throughout the teenagers. "ah yes, that can be explained away, totally, edward," rosie nods her head, before snickering to herself, her nose crinkling upwards as she smiles to herself.

will sinks back into the couch, letting himself enjoy the movie, even for a little while, as you got up and headed towards a small door.

he watched you with half lidded eyes, as you dropped a blanket into his lap and wrapped your own grey, knitted blanket around your shoulders. when he tilts his head to the side and furrowed his eyebrows, you shrug. "you looked cold."

he nods but he doesn't understand. he has a jacket on and he wasn't actively shivering. unfolding it and covering his lap, his head leans back and sinks into the incredibly comfy couch.

and he doesn't notice that he dozes off until he starts to wake up again, only at the prom scene.

you're not beside him anymore and he notices that you and rosie are talking to each other in the kitchen, washing dishes. "so is he spending the night or are you going to send him home without, you know, boning him?" you shove her shoulder, he watches and feels his own face flush.

"are you kidding me? we met two days ago!"

"you didn't know the guy from kirk's party either, but you still had him over," rosie sticks her tongue at you swiping bubbles on her shoulder.

"that was last year! and you know damn well that we only smoked and watched the entire twilight saga," you defended yourself.

smoked?

"yeah, after y'all fucked- ow that one hurt!" rosie rubs her shoulder after you punched it soundly.

"you're making me look bad!" you whined.

"he's dead asleep, he can't see or hear anything, here, watch this," Rosie stalks over and he makes sure his eyes are closed as she grabs his head, turning it over so she can talk in his ear. "y/n has a-" you tackled her to the ground and he acts like he was startled awake, jolting upwards as the two roommates hit the floorboards. as if his heart wasn't already in his throat when she touched him-

"is everything alright?" he peers over the couch and finds you sitting on rosie's back with a strained face.

"yeah, everything is okay, anyways, did you want to head home or stay the night, because i know it's getting late and all." you posed the option for him and as much as he wanted to spend time with rosie, and surprisingly, you, he had to go into his office in the morning and work on some files.

not to mention his last classes for the week are tomorrow.

"that's- that's very nice of you, but i have work and school tomorrow, and i really should be getting home." he admits, almost disappointed in himself as he starts to pack his things together.

"okay, let me walk you out," you offered and didn't wait for a no as you held the door open for him.

he thanks you and waves bye to the streamer still on the floor, only she's now wiggling her eyebrows.

his face burns as he remembers rosie teasing you, the conversation he was clearly not to meant to hear.

"well, i'm glad we did this, even if we got nothing done," you say as you dug your hands into your armpits. he nods, listening to the echoing footsteps as you two walked down the stairwell, fumbling as he pulls his keys out and unlocking the car.

"yeah, it was… fun. i- i really appreciated this, y/n." he says this to you, and he means it. he wants to thank you for introducing him to rosie and for being… for being so- so nice.

you beam at him from his side, and he appreciates how bright it is despite the sun already settling beyond the horizon. "it was fun! we should do this again, well i mean if you really want to do this project together that's bound to happen but- hanging out, without the project is fun too," you let the word vomit happen, before saying a soft apology. "anyways, drive home safe, and don't be a stranger!" you say, leaning in and hugging his side before heading back up some stairs, watching as he pulls out of the parking spot before heading all the way up.

will doesn't know how you didn't hear his heart pounding, his right hand shifting from the steering wheel to his jacket pocket, fiddling with the underwear stuffed in there.

now to get back home.

...

tag list: @fxnxtical @ghostburlovebot

[withoneheadlight]

ok i saw this cap of zoë kravitz in hf and she's got such a dreamy expression, she looks so deeply self-absorbed and infatuated by whatever she's imagining and those lines. and i couldn't stop picturing billy exactly like that for days so,

,

There’s a pretty unusual sound coming off the house when Max comes back home, that summer afternoon.

Full volume. Walls shaking. And she quietly walks to the source of the sound, holding back her breath right in front of Billy's room because, there's this second sound? Stranger and way more unsettling and Max's not sure-sure at first but then Steve Perry’s voice takes off and Billy’s follows it and then he's like, singing along and. Well. Max did know Billy liked Journey but not like, their 'stuff for pussies' but uhm, he does, apparently. Rasps his voice all the way through ‘Faithfully’. Kind of, sighs. Longingly? When it ends? But pfff, ok, big brothers are weird. Definitely weirder after being possessed and then kind of resurrected. Even if it's in a good-weird way but, whatever. So Max's just about to sneak to her room, dutifully rolling her eyes, steps muffled by the first chords of 'Edge of the blade' when―

Click. Click. Billy stops the tape. Click. Takes it out. Tap. Tap. Click. Puts on― Billy puts. On,

Heaven.

Bryan Adams’ Heaven.

And Max―

Being a younger sister is a meticulous kind of full-time, private detective job. You gotta learn how the person you’ve been watching so carefully for years and years works. Hafta develop some sort of―sense about your target. And Billy’s been—un-Billy-like? These past two months. Smiling more. Telling more jokes. Playing ‘You shook me all night long’ in a loop on their drive to school and back, not complaining at all but even joining when’s Max who can’t help but sing along so.

So. She retraces her steps. Knocks. Takes the distracted grunt she gets as a ‘Yeahyeah, c’mon in c’mon in’ and,

Creak. Creak. ‘―baby you’re all that I want’

“Billy?”

Billy’s sitting cross-legged on the floor. Radio close to his knees. Cassettes scattered everywhere. Piles and piles of breakwater surrounding Billy’s old, rusty beacon of sound. He’s reading through the song-list of one of the tapes, a smoke locked on the corner of his mouth, bouncing up and down with every little, absent suck he takes, and he looks. He looks―

Self-absorbed and even. Relaxed. Happy. Like whatever he’s thinking about right now is actually carrying his thoughts away to fucking heaven.

“Ehh”

“Uh-hu?”

‘When you’re lying here in my arms!’

“Billy are you. What―” ‘I'm findin' it hard to believe. We're in heaven’ “What are you doing?”

But there’s this orbit around the sun and then there’s whatever one Billy's been spinning along with the last couple of months so he completely ignores her question. Shakes the tape on his left hand. Picks another one from the pile on his right. Asks her.

“Is Billy Ocean too much? ‘Cause I think it’s too much. But it kind of fits into what I'm trying to say so” he says, shrugs, looking up at Max and waiting for the answer of what she realizes was not really a question. Not at all. So she does her little sister job and just, nods “Right. That’s good. I think it’ll slide just nicely into Bruce Springsteen and―”

“Billy” Max insists, waiting for the charm of the third time to work. It doesn’t. Not really. But keeps Billy's eyes on her long enough to squeeze an “A mixtape?” And, uh. That’s what gets it on. The charm “Are you making a mixtape?”

“Uh?”

And it’s like Max just shook Billy out of a daydream. Ash plopping down from his cigarette as his lips try but can’t purse and Max― she’s good. She’s stellar at this detective thing. Recognizes an opening the moment she sees it, right there in front of her, frozen in the middle of shaking Billy Ocean and Bruce Springsteen in the air right before cocktailing them together. Shaken, not stirred, please. Max’s upgraded to James Bond-level just right now.

“You’re making a mixtape for someone”

“Oh-nonoMaxi―”

“But you didn’t have those tapes before. Not even in your secret stash”

“How do yo―?”

“Holy. ShIT. You’ve been listening to somebody else’s music” This is. Oh, God. This. Is. GOLD. Max gotta take a moment. Blink. Breathe. Process. Her hands move by themselves, palms spread toward Billy in a wait-a-minute kind of gesture except. Max’s gonna need way more than a minute for this “You’ve accepted a music recommendation”

“Maaaaax”

“Gosh, you’ve even listened to the tapes enough to. Make―”

“Max!”

“I just can’t believe it”

And Max was glad. Well. As glad as one can be. Bunch weeks ago. Her mom and Neil out for the day. Coming back home a little earlier than she usually does to hear those ugh. Those other noises. Happy screams. Again. After months and months of Billy being basically alone except for her and the party and Steve. And Max’s so glad, of course she is. But she’s also a little sister. And all this investigation work has a high, rightful purpose.

Make her big brother’s life a living. Hell.

“Oh my god, you must be so gone!” Max brings her hands to her mouth. Takes a deep, deep breath that’s more a poorly restrained giggle. Shoots her index at him “Is it Bon Jovi? What I’m seeing right there? Goddam, Billy are you in lo―”

Bam.

Bam. Bam!

The front door.

What a way to spoil the fun. Max doesn’t have time for this. She’s working.

“BILLY?” comes a voice from the other side “Billy are you in there?”

Steve.

Oh.

What a way to make the fun a hundred times better.

Bam.Bam.Bam!

She’s starting to move to get to the door, sinsonging “Well, I guess Steve’s gonna find out you’re so stupid in love you’re willingly listening to―” when she realizes Billy’s eyes have widened and he’s jerkingly trying to unfreeze, he’s mumbling something in around his already extinguished cigarette in the ways of “Can’t” and “Find out” and “Surprise” and “Fucking help me!” While literally trying to shove the huge mass of tapes under his bed, his tone like hurryhurryhurry!, like he would start gagging and throwing his lungs out at any given minute, so nervous he looks.

So Max doesn’t go for the door. Yet. She basks in the enjoyment.

“Oh, is it a secret romance or something?” She sighs happily, leaning against the doorframe instead. “‘Cause you look pretty worried”

Steve’s banging the door now, voice wavering a little as he asks-shouts “Billy? Billy answer me! Hey, bab―Are you ok?”

“Max, please” Billy begs. Begs. Crawling over to where a Madonna’s Like a virgin is laying with the tape looping slightly out “He really can’t find out”

“What? That you’re in lo-o-oh-oh-OH―”

Billy stops at the tone, right there on his knees. Spits his forgotten cig to the side. And in the instant it seems to take him to make up his mind they both can hear Steve shout “Ok. I know you’re in there!. I’m coming in now!!”

“Fuck! Yeah. I am. Ok?” he looks like he just realized he’s tripped. Blushes. “Making it, I mean”

BAM!

And Ohhhhhhh.

Zero-fucking-zero-fucking-seven.

“Steve,” Max gasps. Because. Hear it makes it like. Easier. To process “You. And Steve”

B A M!

“Yeah, Max, Yeah. And this is a fucking surprise and he’s gonna―”

‘I've been waitin' for so long. For somethin' to arrive. For love to come along’

Ok. Oh. Okok.

“Door!” Max hastens him.

“What?”

“You. Door. Run!” She commands, and Billy― sometimes Max can’t honestly understand how he's got the grades he's got, because Billy blinks, looks clueless “C’mon slow ass. Hurry! I’ll hide all this shit”

And Billy finally gets it. Nods. Slow. Then fast. Stumbles up. Literally runs, to get to the door.

Max still gets to hear his labored “Fuck, pretty boy. “That was really hardcore of you. That's how bad you wanted to see me?” And Steve's own breathless “Really?” Before pushing Billy's room door close with her back, and kneeling on the floor to check for stray, incriminating cassettes.

Pretty boy. Maybe Max isn't as clever as she thought she is. Or hasn’t been doing her job right, clearly.

It's when she’s making ‘It’s a kind of magic’ disappear into the rest of the pile that she lays eyes on it. The case. The J-card written almost all the way down to the B-side already. A mixture of songs Billy's heard so many times there are parts where his tapes screech, and others she'd bet her life he wouldn’t have deigned to listen to. Not ever. Definitely not because―no, for, somebody. Bowie and Cher and Cindy Lauper and Bob Seger right next to Metallica and Guns n' Roses and Meatloaf and― there. There. Almost hidden in the back of the spine. A note. A tiny, thin-lettered thing Max really, really shouldn't be reading but―

‘Thanks for driving me back.

Love. Billy’

But. That's what little sisters do too, she guesses. Intrude. Annoy. Snoop. Feel this sudden rush of relief. Of happiness. When Billy laughs softly, on the other side of the door. When Steve laughs back. Maybe a tear. Or two. But just maybe. She’s really good at this little sister thing, after all.

Hopes for stellar.

,

or: that post s3 where steve lets a camaro-less billy drive him around in his own car "really? again, hargrove?" almost every single day, for months, after he comes back, because "you’re gonna perpetually stick yourself to my ass at least let me do the one thing that frikin’ calms me down" which results in steve resigning himself to deejaying in the shotgun even if "jesus, what's that shit, harrington?" "my car, my rules, sweetheart" which results in billy developing a ‘songs steve harrington is in love with’ mental playlist, realizing he’s probably a little bit in love with the way he loves them and, possibly, a little much love with steve and then stealing steve's tapes one day and,

making a mixtape about it.

(the first of a whole lot, of love letters)

[redrattlers]

hiya i'm sorry to hear you're sick :(( i hope you feel better soon! a song that i don't ever remember saving on spotify but rediscovered for the second time last night is you + the sun by old daisy! it's very fun to bop around to 😊 i've been looping blender quite a bit, i think it might be my new fav 5sos5 single! what did you think of it? idk if you're a noah kahan fan but he recently came out with stick season which has very different energy from blender but is also something i've been looping these past few days. what have you been listening to lately? i'm sending positive healing vibes your way 💙💙💙

thank you for the kind words and positive vibes 🥺

i just listened to you + the sun and i loved it!! it is indeed very fun to bop around to!!!

i love blender. i haven’t heard a bass line this satisfying since when you walk away (or maybe saigon, i love the bass in saigon) and the song has really been lifting my mood this week! luke’s ahhhhh at 1:39 lives rent fucking free. i looped the outro for half an hour yesterday. and the sax part mannnnnn!! yeah i really love this one!! 

funny story i actually had a big noah kahan phase in 2020 thanks to @clumsyclifford (hi bella i miss you) and started listening to noah again very recently after my tattoo appointment two weeks ago, he’s my tattoo artist’s favourite artist and she played a bit of his music during the appointment! so yes i have listened to stick season and really like it as well!

as for music i’ve been listening to recently, earlier this year i’ve rediscovered pyro by kings of leon and i’m obsessed with the guitar part. i’ve been listening to it a lot during quieter moments, when i find myself needing something a little grounding. is it true by tame impala is my go-to driving song these days, such a vibe!! new estate by giant rooks is one of my most played songs this summer as well!

hope you’re doing good as well, thanks for stopping by the askbox 💛

[preciouspeterbparker]

i wish i were

inspired by conan gray’s “heather”

warnings: stepsibling incest (not yet but that’s the whole premise), underage masturbation, underage sex, angst. peter’s like 16 and a half, Tony’s almost 18

word count: 2.2k

summary: peter’s in love with his big brother. no biggie. (spoiler alert: it’s a big deal)

(A/N: okay this has been living in my head rent free for over a month. i've written more, but it's not fully fleshed out yet. 

i figured i would post this and see if anyone is interested in reading it before i put a bunch more effort in lmao. this is filth. most of the angst comes later lololol (and more filth).

i hope you enjoy and please let me know what you think / if you'd like to read more!

- bloo)

PART ONE

Peter stands at his locker, desperately trying to blend in and remain unseen as he switches out his English textbook for Physics. The school year is basically over, given that it’s the last week of May but he’s still not comfortable in the junior-senior hallway. He’s always been the youngest (and therefore smallest) kid in most of his classes, given that he’s been in the ‘gifted & talented’ track since middle school. (He’s on track to graduate next year, taking his last few mandatory classes and completing an internship for additional credit.) This year, Peter feels even smaller than usual; maybe because most of the seniors are already eighteen, while as a sophomore, he isn’t even seventeen. He doesn’t have many friends this year, because of it. Ned moved away last summer because his dad got a new job, and, well, he’d never really needed more than Ned before. 

“Hey Pete-squeak,” comes a voice from behind, making him jump. Rolling his eyes, Peter pivots slightly to face the newcomer. The infestation of butterflies that he's been harboring for the past few months begins to flutter immediately, tickling the walls of his stomach as his cheeks flush lightly.

The voice belongs to a tall (or, well, taller than Peter, anyway), ridiculously handsome boy with dark hair and dark eyes, walking towards Peter with his hands in his pockets. The cheeky smirk on his face is all but permanent, but the small, genuine smile it slips into is something that Peter holds close to his chest, something that is typically reserved for him.  

Tony, his older brother, is pretty much Peter's favorite person in the world. Technically, he’s Peter’s step brother. Maria, his mom, and Peter’s dad Richard got married when Peter was a year old and Tony was almost three. They’d essentially spent their whole lives together; neither of them could really remember anything before. They’ve always been close, but that’s changed a little bit this year.

“Hey Tony,” Peter chirps, reaching back into his locker to grab his physics binder. He tries to act natural, even though he feels anything but. His heart’s going a mile a minute inside his rib cage. He feels a little ridiculous, he has for the past few months. Swallowing, he manages to sound relatively calm. “You read the last 2 chapters of Beowulf, right? Mrs. Herrera gave us a pop quiz last period.” 

The older teen groans. Closing his eyes, he throws his head back, a metallic thunk sounding as it collides with the locker he’s leaning back on. “Fucking hell. The final paper is due in like four fucking days! Is that not enough?” It’s quiet for a moment as Tony pauses before he opens one eye, cutting it to look at Peter. “What were the answers?” 

Peter snorts in response, shutting his locker. “Not happening, T.”  He pulls his phone out of his pocket to check the time and lets the left side of his body rest against the cool metal. Three minutes til the bell rings, and Mr. Riley’s class is right across the hall. So he’s essentially got three minutes to indulge himself and the fuzzy warmth that’s running through his veins. He loves any time he gets to spend with Tony. “You’re lucky I told you at all, be grateful.” 

Tony wrinkles his nose at him. “Rude,” he scoffs in mock offense. “I know you can remember them,” comes his teasing accusation. (And he’s right. Peter can recall the entirety of the quiz, but he’s still not going to enable Tony.) Then he pauses and raises an eyebrow at his younger brother. “Is that my sweatshirt?” The garment in question is a worn and slightly faded black Led Zeppelin USA 1977 crewneck sweatshirt. Peter’s wearing it over a charcoal and white check button-up. The sweatshirt is one of Tony’s favorite pieces of clothing, he wears it all the time (hence why Peter...borrowed it...without asking).

Having mentally prepared himself to be questioned at some point, Peter’s reply is already on the tip of his tongue. “Yeah, it ended up in my laundry and once I put it on it was too cozy to take off. And it looks good with these jeans and the button-up. And my boots. Trying out a new look,” he finishes, smiling as he pushes his glasses further up his nose. Tony often teased him about the thick, clear-but-slightly-pink frames, but Peter hadn’t wanted glasses at all (he doesn’t need any more reasons to be teased, thank you), but he likes these. They make him look cute, more feminine. More like someone Tony could want. 

“You’re right,” Tony smiles. One of his hands comes up to playfully ruffle at Peter’s russet hair. “Looks great on you, kid.” There’s warm affection in his voice. 

Peter feels his cheeks go hot again, and he wills the flush to go away. He can’t take compliments from Tony, now- they make him ache and preen simultaneously. He knows that Tony doesn’t mean it the way he wants. Peter knows that Tony would never speak to him again if he knew what was really going on inside his little brother’s head. The thought makes him sick to his stomach. 

Speaking of stomachs. “Hey,” he starts as he fingers through the papers in his physics binder, attempting to find the problem set that’s due today. “Did you ever catch up on Hell’s Kitchen? I’ve been rewatching episodes trying to wait for you, but you’re taking too long. You saw the episode where Gordon-” Peter’s heart falls to his stomach and he abruptly stops speaking when he looks up to notice that Tony isn’t looking at him anymore, barely seems to be listening. 

It falls completely out of his ass when he sees just what, just who, has stolen his attention. 

“Sorry, Pete, gotta go,” Tony mutters once he realizes that Peter’s stopped talking, shooting him a hasty smile and shoving off the navy metal. He skirts past Peter, a slight skip in his step as he makes his way down the hallway. 

Peter's swallows and clenches his jaw as he watches his brother walk straight to her, the bane of his existence. The reason he and Tony don’t spend as much time together anymore. The object of Tony’s affections. Pepper. She's...everything Peter wishes he could be, honestly. Tall, somehow a perfect mix of skinny & curvy, bright blue eyes, long strawberry-blonde hair. She's perfect. And not only in looks; she's also ridiculously smart. If Tony wasn’t valedictorian, she surely would be. She even volunteers at the local soup kitchen every weekend, and Peter’s pretty sure she reads to dogs at the animal shelter once a month. He hates that Pepper is so nice; he hates that he can't hate her without hating himself for it. 

As if he didn't have enough self-loathing already.

***

Peter exits the bathroom that connects his bedroom with Tony’s after gently flicking the lock on his brother’s door to disengage it, the soft ‘snick’ ridiculously loud in the quiet of the house. He’s the only one home; Mom and Dad are at some sort of event for Dad’s law firm, and Tony went to a party at Rhodey’s house. (Tony had insisted that Peter was invited, but he had to know that the younger would never go- why would he want to be surrounded by drunk, horny, belligerent teenagers? The last thing he wanted to see was Tony and- )

There’s a dark gray towel loosely wrapped around his waist, so loose he has to clutch it in his hand to keep it from falling. He closes his own bathroom door behind him and drops the towel, digging through his underwear drawer to pull out a random pair of plaid boxers. 

After sliding them on, the brunette takes a deep breath and lays back against the pillows, arms behind his head. He tries to consciously relax his muscles, the tension of the day not having melted away during his shower like he had hoped. Time for Plan B. It’s never let him down before. Peter reaches for his phone and unlocks it before swiping through his apps to open Spotify. The sound of “Dazed and Confused” fills the air through his speakers, and he sets it to repeat on a loop. It’s a little fucked up, the way he’s conditioned himself to respond to this song, but- Peter knows the whole thing is fucked up; he’s fucked up. 

Closing his eyes, he does the only thing he’s been capable of for months: he thinks of his older brother. 

He’s growing fond of the new facial hair Tony’s trying out; he wonders how it would feel against his skin. Which areas would be the most sensitive to its touch? His thighs? His neck? Peter’s head tilts back and to the side as he imagines wet, warm lips and the scratch of stubble. Just the thought, the phantom sensation, makes a soft mewl leave his mouth. It’s a little ridiculous how easy he can get himself going, when he thinks of Tony’s touch, of his body. Of his love. In his boxers, his cock shifts against his thigh as it begins to fill out. 

The sensual, plucky bassline and wailing guitars of the song drag along, and so does Peter’s breathing as he brings a hand up to pinch at one of his nipples. He imagines the way Tony would tease him until he was whining, begging for release. He supposes it wouldn’t be dissimilar to his older brother’s typical manner of playfully taunting him. Maybe Tony would pin him down like he did when they were younger, climb on top of him and hold him there with the muscles he’s gained from boxing in the garage. The opportunities he’s had to see the older teen breathing heavy, shirtless and glistening with sweat, would be forever ingrained in his mind. The mental image sends more blood rushing south and his dick throbs as it quickly reaches full hardness, drawing a gasp from his mouth. 

Peter takes himself in hand, studying the details of his cock. He knows he’s not huge, but he’s at least on the larger side of average. It’s flushed a deep, mauve-y pink, and he traces the line of a vein on the side with the tip of his pinkie. A shiver shoots down his spine. He wonders how similar it is to Tony’s. Is he circumcised like Peter is? Is he bigger? Longer, thicker even? Sure, he’s seen him naked before, when they were younger changing or in the bath, but that stopped around the time Tony was seven or eight. 

(Tony and Peter had come home from school one day, and Peter’s head had been reeling over what he heard some older girls saying on the bus. He’d decided to ask Tony about it. His big brother knew everything. ...Mom & Dad caught them kissing in their bedroom. That was the end of bathing together, and Tony got his own room, too. Peter never forgot about the way his big brother’s lips felt against his own.) 

A bead of precum oozes out of his tip and Peter rubs his thumb over it, smearing the liquid over his cockhead. Robert Plant’s voice moans over the speaker and Peter echoes the sound as he slowly strokes himself with a loose grip, his hole tightening around nothing. Biting his lip, he hesitates before slipping his left pointer finger into his mouth, rolling his tongue around it sloppily. Once it’s wet, he reaches down and gently presses the pad of his finger against the tightly furled muscle between his cheeks. His breath hitches as the sensation; he’s only touched himself down here a couple of times before. 

The tip of his finger begins to breach his opening and a whine leaves Peter’s mouth. It stings a bit so he tries to relax, muscles fluttering, making a mental note to grab some lube next time he goes to the drugstore. He wants to be able to stretch himself out more, to imagine Tony’s fingers, Tony’s cock, splitting him open and stuffing him full. Fuck-

Tightening his grip on the base of his cock, Peter grits his teeth and grunts softly as he pulls his finger from his ass. He can’t cum yet- he’s not done. He reaches under his pillow, pulling out the balled-up t-shirt that’s taken up residence there. The black fabric has faded in some spots, and the Black Sabbath logo is cracked and worn; it’s one of Tony’s favorite shirts. Peter brings the soft cloth up to his nose, fumbling with it to find the area with the strongest smell. There are hints of Tony’s Old Spice deodorant mixed with a scent that’s distinctly Tony, a warm, masculine musk that has saliva pooling in Peter’s mouth. Delirious, fucking his hand to the beat, he wishes he had dug a little further in the hamper, pulled out a pair of Tony’s briefs. 

That’s the thought that does him in. Peter cums into his fist, gasping his brother’s name, the sound getting muddled in the maelstrom of guitar and drums. Thick ropes of jizz splatter on his stomach and chest, entire abdomen heaving with his breaths. 

He wipes the mess up with Tony’s t-shirt before tucking the fabric back under his pillow for safe keeping.

to be continued???

[jejciu]

because I've been entirely obsessed with 900 and Blood Moon for the past two weeks thanks to you (and had, at last, good music to look forward to during especially shitty days at work) I am 1. thanking you with my whole heart and 2. asking very very much for some new song recommendations. very pretty please

oml I literally had the part of the chorus with the "-for this wicked road" stuck in my head for the last 3 hours or so lol. ugh! They're so good. these days tho I've been listening to more chill music so idk if you'll like any of this, but anyway, since I love you and also any excuse is a good excuse to talk about music:

omens by joni - I loved her EP orchid room, it's so peaceful and amazing and she has such a sweet soft voice. this one's one of her older singles but i only discovered it now, and it feels like watching sunset on your balcony while drinking a lukewarm cup of tea

Tunnel by polo & pan - fun, as always!!! similar vibe to my beloved "cadenza" of theirs.

soaked by léon - makes me feel hopeful. sweet and upbeat and I like her voice a lot.

go all the way by perry farrell - not new (was in twilight's soundtrack LOL) but only recently got added on spotify. what can I say. a classic. truly the best track out of the ost, too bad I'm not really into the rest of the guy's discography

the dirtiest queen by lovedrug - another oldie but UGH so good!!!

body money by orchid - another slightly more chill one, and I can't remember if I actually shared it (also her "worship me" is fucking Great)

no receipts by von - a bit hyperpoppy i guess - i like the beat a lot tbh and it's enough for me to keep it on loop

łezki by ania leon. I've mentioned it already but I think I deleted the post so good to bring it back. Good. I like it. the type of song thatd make me cry at the club. łezki lecą lecą łezki

chaeri by magdalena bay - needed another listen to grow on me, but it did. also hyperpoppish I suppose. another good one from her last album: your fire.

tic tic by dua saleh with haleek maul - God! Her voice. amazing. also love another one by her: dasher. wow!!

honestly I think that's about it, don't wanna make it unnecessarily long plus I've been listening to a lottttt of older songs recently (older as in 99-03 I suppose, santana and texas are on top of my "on repeat" rn lol).. it's such February music is2g

[igarbagecannoteven]

hi megs!! i have Questions for u:

15. Where does your inspiration come from?

20. Post a snippet of a WIP you’re working on.

30. Favorite line you’ve ever written.

33. Do you listen to music when you’re writing?

🤍

hi ana!! lovely to have you!! hopefully i have answers!

15. it really depends! a lot of the time it'll come from hearing a lyric or a set of lyrics and being like "that's really good what would the fic that fits that lyric as a title look like?" and then i go from there! some of them come from little real life things that i then fictionalize and expand into something new, and some of them just plop into my head with little to no warning lol.

20. oooo alright this wip has been a long time cooking and i gained some traction on it a few weeks ago but now i'm stuck again but! when i finally figure it out it's going to be a really good fic imo:

Michael’s cut off when Luke leans down and presses a kiss against the corner of his mouth. It’s gentle, delivered so softly it feels more like the ghost of a kiss than an actual one. Michael can’t stop himself from inhaling sharply. They’ve kissed more times than he could count, but never like this. It’s always been in the heat of the moment, a segue between not having sex and having sex, while this is a kiss without the expectation of something more. This is a kiss not driven by lust or a desire to drown out the voices in their heads, and Michael nearly tears up because it’s been so damn long since he’s been kissed like this.

30. ohhh that's a hard one hang on,, okay so this is a paragraph i've actually cut from a wip and while i'm going to try to fit it in it might not end up in the final fic but i love it so so much so here you go:

It hurt too much to look at him, but Ashton leaned into the pain. It felt as though someone had hollowed him out, had carved him open in the night and stolen his insides leaving nothing but a bitter ache. This wasn’t a new feeling; hell, it appeared every time he had thought about home in the past five years, but it had never been as strong as it was in that moment. Maybe it would fill him up until there was nothing left but the horrible wanting and the guilt of knowing that this was all his fault, that he was the one who had fucked everything up.

33. yes! it's actually rather rare for me to *not* listen to music while writing fic. oftentimes i'll have a song that i'll loop while working on a specific wip and it'll play for ages and ages and that's why almost all my most listened to songs are fic songs lol

send me writer’s asks!