#I've cracked the fucking code you guys

[batsarebetterthanpeople]

You know what I've decided that Lucius was dirt fucking poor like the rest of them and then he became a marginally successful hooker and used that money to pay for a tutor or go to a university or whatever. It gives his little "Do we look like prostitutes" "Not terribly successful ones" line new depth, it explains why he's working for Stede (he ran out of money but now he has qualifications to dabble in other occupations, ones that might allow him to travel), and it explains why his go to ways to get out of any given problem are sex and blackmail. I'll bet it's why he's so good at relationships. We like to project relationship councilor onto him, but a relationship councilor would never yell at a client like that. But you know who does yell at clients like that. Prostitutes dealing with entitled Johns. Also that boy has saved multiple Johns' failing marriages through pillow talk. When somebody is paying you to fuck them and then you finish fucking early but he's still got 30 minutes, you might get a guy's life story and he might ask you for some advice, just saying.

He's hooker coded you guys. My third eye just opened. Like he can't be rich because he was "a bit of a pickpocket back in the day" i.e. stealing for an occupation, but he had to get his hands on books somehow to learn to read and that's how. Lucius isn't middle class he's a prostitute. I'm betting that the progression of Lucius's life goes like this:

under 18 - pickpocket street urchin

18- 29 - hooker

29+ - pirate but in a way where he doesn't have to get his hands too dirty.

Also hot take but it might explain why he's not intimidated by Ed. Like the culture of piracy is to respect the captain or get hit, and to look up to these very successful pirates, but that's definitely not the culture of sex work. There was that high profile madam bust in hollywood where Charlie Sheen testified and I can't remember exactly what it was he said but basically it boiled down to "I'm famous. I'm not paying the girls to have sex with me I'm paying them to leave me alone after we have sex." And Ed is rock star coded. What I'm saying is that if Lucius was hooking in the Caribbean he knows at least somebody who has fucked a very famous pirate captain and he knows exactly what embarrassing shit that famous pirate captain asked them to do. He knows about Calico Jack's piss kink and he knows that Charles Vane has a foot fetish, and he has it on very good authority that Captain Kidd likes getting pegged. Blackbeard wouldn't come off so hot if you had all that information in your back pocket is what I'm saying. Like the other guys are looking at Ed like "Oh wow it's pirate Beyonce. he's like a god he's the top of his game he's everything I could ever hope to be." and Lucius is looking at him like "I bet your into pain play, aren't you" And he's right.

[apomaro-mellow]

Wrong Number 5

Eddie had been having a greatest time eating in his apartment that anyone could have. Because he wasn't alone. He was with Steve. And then he got to share one of his childhood favorite movies with him. Even though it was a first date, Eddie got the feel that casual was okay. So he'd started the video call with a red t-shirt and black jeans. He knew the odds of Steve seeing his bottom half but he wanted to look nice all the way anyway.

When Steve answered the call and Eddie saw him fill the screen with a very respectable "first date" shirt, he imagined the bottoms were probably a good pair of jeans or maybe even khakis. Steve looked like a khaki guy. What Eddie did not expect was to be flashed when Steve got up in the middle of the movie to get a drink.

But he got up, giving Eddie an eyeful of a bulge in navy blue lace. And then Steve turned and Eddie got to see it from the back. He had to have been hallucinating. There was no way he had actually seen that. It had to be an illusi-and he was coming back and those were definitely panties that Steve was wearing.

"....Eddie?" Steve looked at his wide eyes. The man hadn't spoken for a full minute.

"Baby...are you wearing something naughty?"

Steve bit his lip. "I wasn't trying to be naughty. Robin just thought that I could...well, use the confidence?"

"Don't tell me a pretty thing like you is insecure, I won't believe it", Eddie smiled.

"Well those were Robin's thoughts, not mine." Steve turned the movie down a bit and it was clear Eddie and lowered the volume on his end too. "Do you like them?"

"My brain went to moon. I think you're trying to kill me."

Steve's already high confidence jumped to the ceiling. It was nice to be appreciated.

"Can I see them again?", Eddie asked.

"I thought they were fatal?", Steve smirked.

"You know, I've decided I've lived long enough. And if I have my choice of how I go, I choose death by Steve."

"Okay, but if I have a choice, I'm keeping you alive. But if you insiiiist." Steve had returned to his seat on the floor when he got back from the kitchen, and now he rose up to sit on the couch. His legs were crossed, blocking Eddie's view.

The man on his phone whined. "Don't make me beg."

"Hmm, but what if I like begging?"

"Please, please baby, pretty please, lemme see you?" Eddie's hands were pressed together in prayer.

The way he was positioned (in the phone, on the coffee table) it was like he was kneeling before Steve. Slowly, he uncrossed his legs and even spread them a little, smiling when he heard Eddie's intake of breath.

"Shit...Were you planning on showing me this tonight?"

"If you were good...maybe", Steve teased. "What do you think? Have you been a good boy?"

Eddie nodded frantically, hair flopping, jaw dropped as Steve shifted and he got to watch the bulge between his legs move. He would do anything. Beg, kneel, bark, whatever Steve wanted him to do. Fuck, if he was really there, his head would already be in between his legs.

"I bet you could crack my skull with those legs, Jesus."

From his vantage point, Eddie could only make out up to the bottom of his mouth and while he liked his current view, that just wouldn't do at all.

"I've got an idea...What do you say to moving this to the bedroom?"

Steve grabbed his phone and started walking. Eddie straight up sprinted and collapsed onto his bed.

"You're not going to have anyone burst in with a 'code red', are they?", Steve asked as he got onto his own bed, laying down and holding his phone to his face.

"I have blocked out the entire night for you, Stevie. My crew knows that all Code Reds are to be handled by my second in command."

Okay, that made him feel a little special. Steve bit his lip. "I've never really done anything like this before..."

"What? Taking a date to your bedroom? Once again, I won't believe it. You're probably beating them back with a stick." Eddie was literally looking at him. There was no way he didn't have a line of admirers going down the street.

"I meant on like...video. So how do you want me?"

"Well I typically get a burger with my shakes", Eddie waggled his brows.

"Eddie", Steve laughed.

"Wait, I can do better! Can I get a split-top bun, since you've got a whole bakery in the back?" Eddie beamed as the screen shook while Steve was laughing. "Just get comfortable, baby."

Steve did just that, lying on his back, holding his phone above his head. Eddie was in a similar position in his own bed.

"Okay, I think I've done the whole 'teacher is secretly a model' bit before but Christ alive, it's like you've got no bad angles."

"Eddie, I think you're stalling", Steve grinned. At first, he had been nervous about doing this over video, but now it seemed like Eddie was the one who was anxious.

"If I stall by complimenting you, is it really stalling?"

"If you were here...what would you do to me?", Steve asked.

"I would kiss you so hard, you'd pass out", Eddie admitted. "Full on Pepe LePew treatment. I'd start on your hand and make my way up and then I'm not letting those lips go until they're raw."

Steve brushed his fingers against his mouth. It had been a while since he'd been kissed like that, but Eddie wasn't done.

"And don't think I haven't noticed how those moles go all the way down. I think if I get started kissing them now, I can be to your thighs by Christmas."

Steve didn't miss the strong implication of Eddie's physical presence. They hadn't really talked about meeting in real life yet, both of them aware of how risky it could be to meet someone like that. But as time went on, the dangers seemed to melt away.

Steve's hand trailed down his body. He made sure to angle his phone so that Eddie could see just that. "God, I've thought about your hands so much..." His hand came back up to touch his lips.

"I can tell you want to, baby. Go ahead and suck on them. Pretend they're mine."

Permission granted, Steve stuck two in his mouth. Enraptured, Eddie started to paw at himself through his jeans. Steve's mouth was so pretty and it was already so wet. It didn't hurt that he was already moaning. God, he needed to find out where Steve lived and buy himself a plane ticket. He needed to get his hands on him yesterday.

"Mmm, and you know, once my fingers are nice and wet, I like to put them elsewhere. Where do you want me to touch?"

Slowly, Steve pulled them out of his mouth. "Everywhere", he said, lightly panting.

Eddie's canines showed as he smiled. He unzipped his pants, purposely making it as loud as he could so that Steve would know. "I'd like that too. But let's narrow it down, beautiful."

"How's about I show you?"

Eddie's eyes got wide as Steve changed positions and even moved some pillows around and now he had a front row seat to the most prime ass he'd ever seen. Steve was on his knees and bent over slowly. He pulled his panties to the side with one hand and pushed one of his glistening fingers inside.

"Aaahh, Eddie", he moaned, bringing the other man back into it.

"Fucking hell, look at you." Eddie used one hand to pushed the band of his boxers down and bring out his cock.

Steve pushed another into him, pressing his forehead against the bed. He didn't know what he'd been so anxious about. He wanted nothing more than to have Eddie looking at him. Eddie getting hard and jerking off while looking at him.

"Eddie...I need, I need you..."

Eddie spit in his hand and kept stroking. "Tell me, angel. What do you need me to do?"

Steve whined and Eddie watched as his ass shook, fingers sinking in deep before pulling them out and pushing in again. He bet anything if Steve turned around, he'd see a wet spot on those panties.

"Don't worry, Stevie, I'm gonna tell you what to do. Is that okay?"

He saw Steve's head shake in what could've been a nod, but he was glad when he got the vocal confirmation. Eddie directed Steve and soon he had turned (Eddie had been right about the wet spot) so now he was facing the camera. The ass shot was hot but Eddie wanted to see his face when he came. He now also had a pillow under his hips to help with the angle.

And damn if he wasn't an absolute vision, rutting against the pillow, lips parted in a perpetual moan. Eddie had gotten some lube for his hand, but he knew his fist paled in comparison to Steve Harrington.

"Shit, I needa have you Steve. Wanna feel you, make you mine."

"I'm already yours", Steve said, making Eddie whimper. "I'm all yours, Eds, no one else's."

Apparently he was in a really possessive mood because that just put him right over the edge. This beautiful man was pleasuring himself and he only had eyes for Eddie. He made sure his cumshot was in the frame and watched as Steve's eyes glazed over. His licked his lips and bucked into his pillow, Eddie's name leaving his mouth on a sigh.

Eddie swallowed, his throat a little dry. "Can I see?"

Steve didn't need to ask what he meant. He picked up his phone and rose up on his knees, showing Eddie the tip of his cock peeking out of his panties, cum cooling on his stomach as his shirt had ridden up.

"Mmm, fuck. What's that rule in your classroom? About not wasting good food?"

"If you were here, I'd let you lick it all up", Steve said.

"Yeah, about that...can we...?"

"Talk? How do you feel about morning afters?", Steve asked.

"Usually they're pretty awkward", Eddie admitted with a shrug. "But considering I don't need to worry about you kicking me out..."

"Are you free for breakfast?"

"You mean brunch?"

Steve smiled. "It's a date then. Good night, Eddie."

"Good night, my darling."

Part 7

Tag Team (CLOSED)

@anne-bennett-cosplayer @estrellami-1 @newtstabber @omletlove @ifyoudonlysurrender @rehfan @morganski-19 @corvidcantina @dragonmama76 @just-ladyme @tinyplanet95 @goodolefashionedloverboi @idoquitelikebread @kittydeadbones @manda-panda-monium @rhapsodyinalto @paintsplatteredandimperfect @keylime-green @ihavekidneys @samsoble @honorarybrit81 @swimmingbirdrunningrock @aizawa-emma @deleataecount @thesuninyaface @fromapayphone @justmeinadaze @hbyrde36 @queenie-ofthe-void @resident-gay-bitch @bestwifehaver @dangdirtydemons @ellietheasexylibrarian @perseus-notjackson @pyrohonk @holysteddie @cinnamon-mushroomabomination @mrsjellymunson @geekymagicalpotato @notaqueenakhaleesi

[appleblueberry-pie]

OOOHHHH, OKAY HERE MY REQUEST FOR YANDERE MILE MORALES SCENARIO! I imagine him being the type of guy to break into the reader's locker and leave a CD(the song is probably cheesy like Radiohead-creep) while leaving a sticky note like “I really, really, like you. And I wanna get to know you more, can you meet at [insert abandoned building here] ❣️”~secret admirer (*cough* it's Miles *cough*) This freaks the reader out, cuz they've been dealing with this bs for 3 months and the authorities can't do shit, can I request the reader confronting their “secret admirer”? 🥺

N/A: I hope you heard me evilly laugh when I first read this. Boutta spill all of my delusions on this. Also i've never written worse luck than the reader had in this one.

Be Mine? Yes or No.

It's about ten minutes before first period begins and you've already spent five of them rereading the 20th love letter you've received over the course of a few months. You felt the hairs on the back of your neck rise as you continue to find more and more things to worry about in this letter. You'd think that this person would stop pestering you, but they really weren't. At all whatsoever. The same little sweet names they'd compliment you with. The same main idea they had in the previous note continuing into the next one. This has been happening over and over.

And it was so, so sweet when this fiasco first started. When you first opened your locker and it was placed so nicely in the center as if someone carefully placed it there. It was definitely spritzed with some kind of cologne, because no scent from someone just rubs off onto a letter like that. The beautiful envelope it was put in, the paper on the inside. The neat handwriting that was clearly practiced just to put some love onto the paper for you to hopefully absorb. And it worked the first three times, but it just kept getting weirder from there.

The way they wrote to you was extremely genuine, something that was hard to find in relationships nowadays. It really made you want to meet this person. They mixed in casual sweet names in Spanish into the writing in a way that wasn't hard for you to understand at all. They definitely had a crush on you. But then they began mentioning you in ways that seemed to make you borderline uncomfortable. Mentioning your beautiful hair, your eyes, your lips, the way you spoke, how you smelled. How they'd watch you and your friends in the park. Slipping in a few mentions of you walking to and from a corner store nobody in your school but you knew about.

They would write about how they could help you with specific classes that they knew you were struggling with. What foods they theorized you don't like(they were right), your type of man and how they fit that exact description, if not, more. How he knows he's the one you'd want and need. How the two of you are meant to be, he'd love you the way you need to be loved and he cant wait to actually meet you. How he'd bring you to the address of your favorite breakfast spot that no one should know about and he'd buy you that plate you always wanted to get that you couldn't afford. How he'd spoil you and-

All of this tension he built up on his own, which was all fueled by his own delusions, drew you to the conclusion that this nigga needed to be put in his place. You wanted a boyfriend. Not a fucking perverted stalker. Whoever this was, he was taking it too far, and was ultimately scaring you. It took you fifteen of these letters for you to realize that he wasn't actually slipping the letter into the locker between the cracks, but he was putting in the real code of your lock to properly unlock it. How he found it out, you have no idea. You didn't know what this guy was capable of and didn't know if he'd hurt you if you said no. But it had to be done somehow or he'd take shit too far and kidnap you or some crazy shit like that.

None of the school officials would help you because they're pieces of shit. Your friends tell you to bag him like dumbasses, and what the fuck are your parents gonna do? Yell at the dean and stand by your locker all day to wait for the guy?? You were all alone in this. So the most reasonable thing you came up with is to bluntly write to him to meet you after school at the park you and your friends go to often since he knows the spot already.

And quite literally the day after, you sat at the bench at the park after school, and he showed up.

You remember being so damn scared. What if he was big and burly and angry? What if he was one of the popular boys and would record the entire interaction? What if he follows you back home? What does he plan to do once you try to tell him off? You shouldn't have done this. The setting sun wasn't comforting you. The abandoned playground that usually was bustling with squealing kids was just making you more nervous. It was silent and cold today, but your mind just wouldn't shut up. Suddenly, the school uniform you wore wasn't as comfortable and you clutched your backpack closer to your body.

The wind blew gently on your bare knees and you heard someone call out your name. You flinched and felt your heart drop and turned to see the source of the voice, hoping for the worst. There was a boy sitting on a bench right next to yours. He was staring at you. It made you feel....unsettled and something else you couldn't put your finger on. To calm yourself, you listed his characteristics in his head. He was....reasonably attractive. Light brown eyes. Sculpted face. A light Spanish accent to his voice exactly how you'd imagine. Neat braids on his head. But something about his aura messed with you. He wasn't as good as he portrayed himself to be. You didn't want to speak and watched him stand from his spot to sit next to you on your bench. You clutched your bag to your chest as you watched him try to calmly approach you without making you too nervous.

With nervous eyes on him, he sits down next to you, letting a small smile grace his lips. "Hey, ma...how you doin'?" He sounded like he was trying to lure a scared dog into his arms. But it was awkward because he was trying to act normal with his dream girl and it was an actual human being and not a dog. "....fine." You respond. He scratches his nape and averted his eyes for a quick second. He really wanted to know why you wanted to talk to him. You gave no context within your letter, and it was a blessing, nonetheless. You actually responded to him. He predicted that he wouldn't get one for another good three weeks to two months almost. But this must be serious. He prepared himself for all possible scenarios that this could end up being.

"So....why'd you want to meet all of a sudden? It's getting late and I don't want you going home in the dark, you know?" You nod and take a deep breath, scared as fuck for how this could end. "Yeah.....so....I just wanted to tell you that I just- I don't want to be with you." It felt like you had to pull the words out of your throat for him to hear. You saw his face drop and decided to explain before he did anything else. "Like....I don't know you. I just realized that. You know so much about me and about my friends and the places I go to. I don't know a damn thing- Are you stalking me??" You turn to face him and stare into his wide eyes. He almost seemed as if he was caught doing some weird shit. And it was weird.

The silence started to make you angry when you realized he probably has been following you all this time. He shakes his head and sits up. "No...no, I haven't been stalking you at all, ma, I promise. I never want to make you uncomfortable, ever. Where are you getting that?" Oh, so now he's gaslighting you. If you brought all of his envelopes to this meeting, you would've dumped all of the evidence on his lap. You roll your eyes, grab your bag, and stand to leave. He stands at the same time as you when he sees you're trying to leave and stands in your way. "Wait, wait, wait, that's it? You not gon' give me a chance?" "A chance? Nigga, you lost your chance when you started being weird and fucking acting like you wasn't being weird this entire time!"

It was hard to get mad at you or reason with you. You were too pretty to get mad at even when you were nearly yelling in his face. And he had no logical reason to behave the way he was behaving, either. So, he might lose you unless he does something risky. And to risk your trust and love is something he doesn't want on the line.

You watch him watch you leave and he picks up his bag as well. The street lights turn on once it gets dark enough and Miles interrupts you walking away. "I'm not letting you walk home in the dark, Y/n." You flinch at his voice and growl a groan in fuming anger. An older lady passes the both of you and praises the mystery boy for being such a good gentleman and how 'there needs to be more of you out on these streets'. You almost slapped the fuck out of her for even hyping him up. He gives her a beautiful smile and tells her to get home safe, while walking you in the direction of your home.

He turns back to you and almost laughs at the face you're making. "I wonder how your mom would feel about you going home in the dark." "Mind yo fucking business." He happily leaves it there, continuing to walk with you down the street. Maybe this way, he can have more than one excuse to continue walking you home from now on. "Ion even know yo name." You mutter under your breath and Miles smiles at you. "My name is Miles. Great to finally meet you in person, Mami." You scoff and gladly let him scroll on his phone. You tried to speed ahead of him in hopes he'd stay at his slower pace, but he always caught up to you. You inwardly groan, knowing he'd probably make it to your door before you get rid of him.

"Glad to know the name of the person who's been stalking me. Now I can report you officially." You smirk at him and he gives one right back. "Just a name won't cut it, ma." "I got photos." "Where?" He hands you your phone back and you snatch it, realizing he was scrolling on your phone the whole time AND deleted your photo evidence. Before you can shove him into the street for a car to run him over, your mom bursts the door open and eyes the boy next to you. "Girl, you finally brought someone home with you." You didn't even realize you were on your street, better yet, your house. And your mom liked him already??

Your face dropped as you approached the front door. "No, no, no, it's not like that-" "What's your name, sweetie?" Miles steps up to the door and holds out his hand for her to shake, a beaming smile on his face. "My name is Miles Morales, ma'am." She shakes his hand before scrunching her eyebrows. " 'Morales'? You know Rio??" "That's my mamá, right there." Horrifying, how quickly a new relationship between the two bloomed right before your eyes as they continued to converse.

How are you going to get out of this? Your stalker is making great friends with your mom, no one can help because he deleted the evidence, and you would soon find out the next morning at school that your locker was clean of envelopes as well. Nothing was working in your favor and you realized that there was no way to escape. He included himself into your life so easily, when you wanted him out, out, out. You hated this shit, but he seemed to love it, sending you a look of appreciation as you both stepped into your abode.

Miles was so grateful for having you as a part of his life. The stars aligned and allowed you both a chance at beauty and growth. He wouldn't let this opportunity waste away like he had done many times in the past. You were his chance at redemption for all of the things he had done and the things that he planned to do later on. You were finally his.

[dwobbitfromtheshire]

I'm taking a break from my regularly scheduled WIP to bring you this Scoops Ahoy AU one-shot. It's a long one.

Eddie was about to enter Scoops Ahoy when he saw Steve in front of the counter, his back to him. He was in full uniform, hat on top and all. He was practicing drawing his scoop like he was a cowboy. Eddie's eyes wondered over his backside, giggling at Steve being a dork, and his heart was beating rapidly. Yeah, he liked that a lot, especially the legs attached to the ass. Steve twirled around and smiled at Eddie. He drew his scoop and pretended to shoot him. Eddie clutched his chest and dropped to the floor. He heard Steve’s laughter ring out, and it was the best thing in the world. Shit. He liked Steve Harrington. Eddie jumped up and took off, barely listening to Steve screaming behind him.

"It was just an ice cream scoop!"

Eddie ran all the way out into the parking lot and jumped into his van. He turned it on and thought about where he wanted to go, and then he cursed. Shit, he was supposed to meet Jeff here for a movie. He turned off his van and jumped when someone knocked on his window. He yelped when he saw that it was Steve Harrington. Eddie looked at him wearily before rolling down his window.

"Making special deliveries now, Cap?" Eddie asked, hoping he was actually as calm as he thought he was being.

"Only for people who drop their wallets," Steve grinned, holding up his wallet.

Eddie squeaked and went to grab it, but Steve pulled it back with a grin.

"Never took you for a bully, Harrington," Eddie smirked.

"Seriously?" Steve asked.

"Yeah, a little bitchy? Yes. Bully? No. Not even you would do that. Too busy hiding secrets in that hair of yours," he said, his eyes twinkling.

"Oh. And what secrets are hiding in your hair, Munson?" Steve asked, leaning on the frame.

Eddie trailed his fingers across Steve’s arm. Shit, was he really flirting with him?

"How about you climb into the back of my van and find out?" Eddie asked.

He surprised both of them with that question. He didn't think that he would be so forward. Steve grinned.

"Okay, but I only have fifteen minutes," Steve said he set his watch.

Steve started walking around to the other side, and Eddie quickly scrambled into the back. He flopped onto his back and onto the blanket he kept in the van. Steve opened the door, crawled into the van, and closed the door behind him, lying down beside Eddie.

"So, I have to ask," Steve said, leaning on his elbow. "Why did you run away when I shot you with my ice cream scoop?"

"Uh, there was a bee. A really big bee," Eddie said.

"A big bee, huh?" Steve asked.

"Yeah. I, uh, I really didn't think I ever liked bees before, but I saw this bee, and it was actually kind of cute. A cute dorky bee," Eddie said. "It scared me how much I liked this bee."

"So, was this bee blue, white, and red?" Steve grinned.

"Hmm, you cracked my code," Eddie said. "Damn."

"So is it the fact that I'm a jock or the fact that I'm a guy?" He asked.

"I've always liked women, and I never even questioned it even when other people assumed it about me," Eddie said. "And they always did."

"Funny, people always assumed I was straight even though I wanted them to think otherwise," Steve said.

"I'm obvious. You're not," Eddie grinned.

Steve laughed and placed his hand on his chest, dragging his nails gently across his chest.

"So, you really didn't think I was an asshole in high school?" Steve asked.

"No, mostly because I know how much you tried to stop the basketball players from beating the shit out of us," Eddie said. "Even Tommy Hagan was harmless. He was all talk and too much of a chicken shit to actually do anything about it. Plus, Gareth told me all about how you once stopped Tommy Hayes from beating the shit out of him."

"I fucking hate that guy, him and Jason Carver both. I tried to go to Principal Higgins about it, but he seemed like he was really out to get you. I don't what the fuck that guy's problem with you is but I kind of wanted to kick his ass," Steve scoffed.

"There's a picture," Eddie grinned. "So, did you always know you liked guys? I mean, I should have known at some point, right?"

"I don't think that you can put an exact time frame on something like this, especially since it's different for everyone. I was reading a parenting book, and it suggested that you shouldn't compare your child with other children because they grow and develop at like different rates," Steve said. "I figure that probably works the same with sexuality too."

"Why were you reading a parenting book?" Eddie asked.

"Oh, these kids that I babysit have been having nightmares, and I've been trying to figure out the best way to help them," Steve said.

Eddie pinned him down and climbed on top of him. Steve looked at him in surprise.

"You're the fucking cutest," Eddie said.

He leaned down and kissed him. Eddie mewed softly against his mouth when Steve kissed him back and grabbed the back of his head. His other hand was pressed against Eddie's lower back. Eddie kissed him roughly, rocking his hips against his. He liked the feeling of Steve’s lips against his and the way his hands felt in his hair. He definitely liked the way his hand felt against his backside. His entire body was buzzing. Eddie reached behind him to grab Steve’s hand and moved it so it was cupping his butt. Steve chuckled against his mouth. Suddenly, the van door flew open, causing them to break the kiss. Jeff stood there, staring at the scene with wide eyes.

"Hey, man," Eddie said casually as he continued to straddle Steve Harrington.

He couldn't explain this one away, considering Steve’s hand was on his ass.

"What?!" Jeff exclaimed.

"This is exactly what it looks like," Eddie said.

"I didn't know that you were into guys," Jeff said, looking at them both.

"Is this going to be a problem?" Steve asked with wide eyes, and Jeff laughed.

"No, man, I'm gay," Jeff said, and Steve breathed a sigh of relief.

"You didn't know I was into guys?" Eddie asked with a scoff. "I didn't know I was into guys."

"So, new discovery then?" Jeff asked, and Eddie nodded. "Want me to close the door?"

Jeff wiggled his eyebrows at Eddie. He was about to reply when Steve’s watch went off. Eddie frowned.

"Damn it!" Steve cursed. "I have to get back to work."

"We were making out longer than we thought," Eddie said with grin. "Can we do this again?"

"Yeah, you got a pen?" Steve asked.

Eddie dove towards the front of his van, grabbing a pen out of a cup holder. Steve whistled at his ass and Eddie cackled as he turned around, handing Steve the pen. Steve grabbed his arm and began writing numbers into Eddie's skin. Once he was finished, he bent down and blew on the ink to let it dry, looking directly at Eddie while he did it. Eddie shuddered as his breath hit his skin.

"Call me," Steve winked and hopped out of the van. "See you . . .?"

"Jeff," he replied.

"Jeff," Steve said, nodding at him and walking off.

"Wait, my wallet!" Eddie exclaimed.

"Check your back pocket!" Steve yelled.

Eddie frowned and checked his back pocket. Sure enough, his wallet was there.

"You sexy magician," Eddie muttered.

"Dude, that thing with the number was insanely hot," Jeff said. "Are you going to be able to concentrate on the movie?"

"I'm going to do something to screw this up. I know it!" Eddie exclaimed and buried his head into the blanket.

A couple of weeks later, and so far, Eddie hadn't screwed anything up. It was going well for him and Steve. He had called Steve that very same night, and they had talked for an hour before agreeing to meet at Steve's house for their first date. The asshole had cooked him dinner and everything. Eddie had insisted on cleaning the dishes with Steve, which had turned into them splashing soapy water at each other. After that, they sprawled onto the couch to watch TV, which had turned into a heavy makeout session that had Eddie losing his shirt and Steve nibbling on his tattoos. According to Steve, they're hot. Now, here he was bouncing into Scoops Ahoy to visit Steve. Steve’s co-worker, Robin, rolled her eyes at him.

"Hey, Stevie, is it your breaktime yet?" Eddie grinned.

"Yes, and for the love of God, do your little drug deal in the storage closet," Robin said. "If you must."

Steve grinned as he pulled Eddie into the break room and then into the storage closet, turning the lock.

"She thinks I'm selling you drugs," Eddie laughed as Steve pushed him up against the wall.

"Yeah, I got you something," Steve smiled and started digging around in his pockets.

"Yeah, you do," Eddie wiggled his eyebrows.

"No, not that," Steve snorted. "Although, maybe later if you're a good boy. Here."

He pulled a bumblebee pin out of his pocket. Eddie grinned and took it, an overwhelming wave or affection for the guy in front of him. He quickly added it to the pins on his vest.

"Thanks, Stevie," Eddie said and kissed him softly before cooing at him. "Sweet boy."

Steve blushed as he fiddled with the pin on his vest.

"I was hoping to ask you a question, and I'd get if you don't want to or if you want to keep thing the way they are but - ," Steve said.

"Will you be my boyfriend?" Eddie blurted out.

"Yeah!" He exclaimed, his eyes bright. "That's what I was going to ask you."

"You should know that I've never wanted to be someone's boyfriend before, not until you came along," Eddie said. "I don't know even know how to be a boyfriend."

"We'll figure it out together," Steve grinned.

Eddie kissed him, pulling his body close to his as he wrapped his arms around his neck. Steve smiled against his lips, slipping his tongue into his mouth. Suddenly, the door opened, and Robin burst in.

"I need help - Shit!" Robin exclaimed.

"I, uh, lost something," Eddie said.

"What? Did you lose your keys in his mouth?" Robin asked.

"I might have," Eddie scowled.

"And you searched for them with your tongue?" She asked.

"It's really good search method," he said.

"Try again," she said.

"He really wanted a discount," Eddie said.

"Hm, that's a little more believable," Robin said.

"Steve," Eddie whined.

"Relax, Munson, I'm a lesbian," Robin said.

"Really?" Eddie and Steve grinned.

"Yeah, I hate to pull you away from your boyfriend, but there are a lot of customers now, and I need help," Robin said softly. "Oh, did you know that the lock on this door is broken?"

"I do now," Steve replied.

"Nice bee pin, Munson," Robin said.

"Thanks, my new boyfriend gave it to me," he said, batting his eyelashes at Steve.

"That's cute," Robin said. "He pinned you."

"I know! We're sooo going steady. I'm hoping he'll give me his letterman and takes me to the sock hop," Eddie squealed, batting his eyelashes again.

"Okay," Steve rolled his eyes and pushed them out of the closet. "You two are not becoming friends."

"We're all becoming friends, Harrington," Robin replied.

"Oh. Well, that's okay then," Steve said softly.

And friends the three of them did become. Eddie even invited them to see their band play at the Hideout. They had both enjoyed it immensely to his delight. Robin and Jeff had hit it off, most likely laughing about Eddie and Steve. Eddie didn't think that Steve would pull him into the bathroom and get on his knees for him. He didn't think he was that good, but Steve, apparently, thought differently. Steve had been a big hit with all of his friends, especially when he remembered Gareth by making note of the fact that he didn't have his braces anymore. The only thing left to do was introduce Steve to his uncle. Coming out to Wayne had been easy because it didn't change anything between them like he thought it would.

"You're my nephew, and I'm still your uncle. If I didn't give up on you when you robbed that truck full of weed, then there is nothing you can do or be that's gonna scare me off, son," Wayne said.

Now, here they were, waiting for Steve to arrive. He should have been here by now. Eddie was pacing the floor of the living room, his stomach in knots.

"Relax, son, he's going to be here," Wayne said.

"I feel like something is wrong. Something is seriously wrong," Eddie frowned.

Suddenly, there was a loud mechanical roaring sound like the sound of a helicopter. Eddie and Wayne walked outside to find several military looking helicopters flying overhead. Eddie quickly scrambled on top of the trailer to see where they were flying. Eddie blanched when he saw the smoke, and he quickly scrambled back down.

"What?" Wayne asked.

"There's smoke coming from Starcourt," Eddie said. "Steve works there. I need to go!"

"We're both going, and I'll drive," Wayne said, clapping a comforting hand on his shoulder.

"I knew it, I knew it," Eddie kept muttering as they drove.

When they pulled up to Starcourt, they found a military blockade in front of the mall. They were denied entry as soon as they walked up. Wayne pulled him aside.

"I'll distract them. You go find your boy," he said.

Eddie looked at him doubtfully for a moment before Wayne started yelling at the guards. Eddie took the opportunity to run past them.

"STEVE! STEVE?!" Eddie shrieked as he fought through people's arms.

He was full on sobbing, his eyes blurry with tears. He didn't notice until he ran into Hopper.

"Munson, what the hell are you doing here?" Hopper asked.

"I'm looking for Steve. Is he okay? He's not - tell me he's not - " Eddie started to babble.

"EDDIE?!" Steve’s voice sounded from across the parking lot.

Eddie let out a strangled sob and ran across the parking lot. He threw his arms around Steve’s neck, hugging him tightly. Steve was stunned for a moment, but he soon wrapped his arms around Eddie, hugging him back just as tightly. Eddie pulled back slightly, but not out of his arms.

"Oh my God, baby, what happened to your face?" Eddie asked and then sighed. "It's okay. You don't have to talk about it right now. I'm just glad you're okay."

"Steve. . .who is this guy, and why did he just call you baby?" A curly haired boy in a hat asked.

"This must be Dustin," Eddie grinned.

"Oh, you talked about me?" Dustin asked with a grin.

"Dustin, this is Eddie Munson," Steve rolled his eyes.

"Oh! He's the friend you wouldn't shut up about," Dustin said.

"You wouldn't shut up about little old me?" Eddie batted his eyelashes at him and paused. "You can tell your kids, I don't mind."

"Eddie's my boyfriend," Steve said.

"Boyfriend?!" Dustin and the kids exclaimed.

"Eddie, the redhead is Max Mayfield, El Hopper, Lucas Sinclair, Mike Wheeler, and this is - "

"Will, right?" Eddie asked.

"Oh my God! You're the guy from the music store!" Will exclaimed excitedly.

"Huh?" Steve asked.

"Mom! It's that guy from the music store that I told you about!" Will said excitedly. "The one who took the baseball for me!"

A short woman with brown hair and brown eyes came wondering over.

"You're the one who did that for my boy?" She asked.

"Yeah," Eddie said.

"Thank you. I'm Joyce Byers, by the way," she said and hugged him tightly. "Did I just hear you're Steve’s boyfriend?"

"Yes," he said.

"Oh, that's so great. I'm happy for you, Steve. He sounds like a great guy," Joyce said. "You guys are cute."

"Thanks, Joyce," Steve smiled.

"I didn't know you were gay, Steve," Mike said, not unkindly.

"We're bisexual," Steve and Eddie said in unison.

"We like both," Eddie explained when some of them looked confused.

"You can do that?!" Lucas exclaimed.

"Yes, idiot," Max said. "I think it's so cool that you're both bisexual."

"We think so too," Steve said.

He felt Steve leaning against him, and he looked over at him in concern.

"I'm going to get this one to a hospital," Eddie said.

Robin parted her way through the kids and stood on Steve’s other side.

"I'm going with you," Robin said.

"I don't need to go to the hospital," Steve said.

"Yes, dingus, you do," Robin said.

"I'm not taking no for an answer, sweetheart," Eddie said.

"Okay," Steve said as Eddie slipped an arm around his waist.

His uncle was waiting by the van, and he grimaced at the sight of Steve.

"You okay, son?" Wayne asked.

"He will be once he gets to the hospital," Eddie said.

"You must be Wayne. I'm glad to finally meet you. Wish it was under better circumstances, though," Steve said.

"Me too, son," Wayne said and helped Eddie get him into the van.

Robin climbed up front while Eddie climbed in the back with Steve. He pulled him into his arms as Wayne drove off.

"You scared the hell out of me," Eddie whispered.

"Sorry," Steve replied.

"Nothing to apologize for," Eddie said. "I'm glad you're here."

"Me too," Steve said.

"Steve - I, uh, - " Eddie said nervously.

"Yeah?" Steve asked.

"I love you," Eddie whispered.

Steve picked his head up and gazed at him. It was true. He loved him. This time, he wasn't going to run away or sabotage it. The only direction he wanted to run to was towards Steve.

"I love you too," Steve said.

Suddenly, there came a loud sniffle from up front.

"Uncle Wayne, are you crying?" Eddie asked.

"No!" Wayne exclaimed, and Eddie cackled. "Shut up, boy!"

Eddie threw his head back and laughed. His life was complete.

[theold-ultraviolence]

Do you have any nsfw modern!aemond headcanons? 🫣

FRIEND, LISTEN, I know I've had this ask gathering dust in my inbox for so long but when I thought about it, I realized coming up with these was way more difficult than I thought. Aemond's kind of an enigma in this arena because he doesn't strike me as a kinky guy, but not a prude either, though my self-indulgent ass wants to give him some sort of kink, but what!???? Finally I decided to try to crack the code

Ok, because he grew up with AEGON jacking off out in the open and being extra loud with 0 regard to Aemond's room being right next door and the walls being paper thin, and having lots of girls over whom Aegon can't ever remember the names of, Aemond's just overall more low-key about sex in general.

Not that he doesn't like it, or wants it. He's just extra private.

He masturbates constantly but I can't pinpoint what he would get off to? What would his fantasies be? he'd probably be very zen about the whole thing, and instead of having a fantasy running in his head, his mind would go blank and he'd just focus on the sensations all over his body. Focusing instead of playing a game with himself, see for how long he can edge himself to have intense orgasms every time, each one better than the last.

And I feel like he's not interested in one-night stands at all or casual sex in general.

The act is extremely intimate and requires a lot of trust in the person, and Aemond's had a hard time all his life being comfortable in his skin because of his eye. Yes he's grown to be super confident as a young adult, but still. He has people fawning over him but he honestly does not notice and it would take a lot to let someone in.

When he DOES find the one, holy fuck.

He discovers a lot about himself. Finds out just how desperate he can be for his partner. Not in a subby way, more like, this constant need to be with them and to give them pleasure.

He'd be very methodical and determinded to find every lasting spot that makes their partner weak at the knees; he'd wanna know just how to twist his tongue or how hard to bite, how to curl his fingers and what pace to set to have his partner screaming his name and fisting the sheets.

He wants you to cum at least six times in one session.

And because of this, I feel like he'd have a preference for giving oral sex to someone. He's so used to himself, he wants to know all about what makes the other person feel good.

And he's casually dominant. Once he's learned it all, he knows how to handle (or manhandle) your body around, knows how hard to grip your hips or with which tone to speak (whisper, groan) to have you unwinding beneath him.

And he's not one for PDA but he'll always have his arm around you in public; hands tightly locked together because he needs everyone to see that you're his and no one elses.

Also he's kind of a contradiction, because he wouldn't like public sex, as in, with ACTUAL public around, but if you're parked in his car, somewhere in a seculded area, he's totally down for car sex. If you're out hiking, he's 100% down for a quickie right there in the woods. If the beach is totally desserted he'll be teasing you with a hand underneath your swimsuit as you lay on your beach towels under an umbrella.

He's a total giver, but he melts when someone goes down on him.

Especially if they go slow, nibbling and licking his ears and neck, whispering how much you want him; he loves to feel your body on top of his, caress your curves and feel your hips swaying as you rock your hips on his clothed cock.

When you take him in your mouth, it's a whole experience for him. He's so sensitive, and the novelty of feeling your warm tongue swirling around his head, sucking him off so sweetly, it never goes away.

As far as kinks go, his itty bitty exhibitionist kink would be the only thing that comes to mind. He'd be a pretty vanilla guy but that doesn't mean he wouldn't be intense and extremely passionate. He'll go as rough or slow as you want, last for as many rounds as he can because he's got godly stamina. This is when all of the exercise that he does pays off.

He does love to see you all bent and twisting around like a pretzel, but he's a sucker for missionary because he loves to see you and be able to kiss you.

[demodraws0606]

Big Brain Moment on the Rui Greed thing

Okay Holy Shit I cracked the code on Rui being greedy and what that has to do with his arc. It's also an analysis/theory I've made before so this only solidifies it.

Mainly with Rui4, I've said before that there is something interesting about how Rui fails in that event.

Mostly that Rui seemed to not want to sacrifice the dialogue in that scene and that's why he ended up failing. It's because he was too greedy.

He was too greedy because he thought the lines were too important to be cut, he was unwilling to compromise and it was making the movie worse.

And now ever since the Rui4 event we've had constant reminder of Rui being greedy and/or seflish (not that I think he is thats just the narrative constantly bringing that word up).

Which would make sense to bring that up if Rui's main flaw in that event that he couldn't pick up is that he wasn't able to make sacrifices.

You know the whole thing that Rui was unwilling to do during the disbandement arc ?

And that's where the set up of Sakaki's reappearance and the whole Asahi plotline fucking connect GUYS GUYS-

[morallyinept]

A full transcribe of AGENT WHISKEY'S dialogue/lines from the film KINGSMAN: THE GOLDEN CIRCLE.

Includes full dialogue, and dialogue from any deleted/additional scenes available.

I've created this as a point of reference when writing for Pedro's characters, and I hope you find it useful. Even if you just want to read the dialogue. 🖤

FULL MASTERLIST OF PEDRO CHARACTERS DIALOGUE

☝🏻Dialogue has been fully transcribed by myself using reference to original scripts (if available), audio subtitles and using my own two ears. Therefore, mistakes can be made, however I have tried to be as fully accurate as I can. If you spot an obvious mistake, please kindly let me know. Where audio is not clear, I have marked with *inaudible* Scenes are separated for ease of reference.

FULL SCRIPT DIALOGUE:

Kid, looks like we’re hookin’ up with a chick at a rock concert. My favourite kind of mission.

I’m sending my jet to pick you up. 

__________________

Well, that's the easy part, kid. Take a look in the glove box. 

Goes on your finger. The surveillance tracker is in the tip. Apply light pressure for three seconds to release it. 

__________________

I say we both make an approach. Whoever gets on best goes for it. 

The hand is not a mucus membrane, Eggsy. Neither is the back. They teach you anything at Kingsman? 

Our trackers are designed to enter in through the bloodstream, they circulate harmlessly providing full audio and GPS.

No, Eggsy, it ain’t.

Alright I’ll take first crack, watch and learn, buddy.  

Miss, I beg your pardon. I don’t wanna pester you, but I just have to know. What time are you playing? 

Oh damn it, now I feel like a fool. I just assumed a woman with your… charisma, well, she just had to be somebody. 

No, it’s okay. I know you didn’t mean to make me feel like a dumbass, so I’ll let you make it up to me by letting me buy you a drink. 

What are we doin’?

Tinder, what? 

Be good, be cool. 

__________________

Now, is that any way to welcome a visitor from out of town, Moonshine? 

Well, pick him up.

Now, that is not what I call a Kentucky welcome. 

Manners. Maketh. Man. Let me translate that for ya. 

Hoo. I feel like a tornado in a trailer park. 

__________________

You can’t make this personal, sir. 

Poppy’s stock piles really could be anywhere. 

You two need to fix this code name thing. And with all due respect, sir. I don’t think Galahad Senior is ready to return to work. 

It’s a lasso. 

Yes, sir. 

__________________

Hold up, we need ya down here, Galahad. Secure the control room. 

I’ll cover. 

Galahad we’re coming! All clear at the bottom? Galahad, come in! 

Shit. 

Shit! 

__________________

Let me have a look? 

Get down! 

Fuck you! I just saved your life! 

Alright. They're going for cover and reloadin’. I’ll fix their wagons. Cover me, boys! 

Thank fuckin’ Christ I didn’t need any back up! 

I’m out of ammo. Troop carrier coming in. What d’ya got? 

What is this? Looks like you packed for a fuckin’ slumber party, not a mission. 

Hey! Butterfly guy! It don’t look like Ginger fixed you right. 

I said I’m empty. Gimme yours! 

__________________

Hello gorgeous! I’m Jack, what’s your name? How would you like to ride home on a real cowboy? I got a six pack of cold ones on ice and my roomie's out all night, so you can scream my name as loud as you need to, sugar! 

Who’s this pretty lady? 

Ginger. Goddamn Butterfly guy shot me in the fuckin’ head! 

Well I’m guessin’ you didn’t fix him right! Where the hell is he? 

Eggsy’s gonna need back up. 

Get the Silver Pony on the runway and ready to take off! 

__________________

So. Don’t move, kid. You try anything funny and I turn this thing electric. 

Now, give up your guns, fellas. Slide ‘em over. 

Nope. My brain’s all good, kid. And you know what? I reckon the same is true for your friend Harry over here. Real fine instincts, I’ll give him that. But you stay still or I’ll dice him up so small you can take him home in a bucket and still have room for what's left of your buddy Merlin. 

That ashole? Hahaha. Hell no. It’s a matter of personal principle, agent. No more drug users and the Statesman share price rockets.  

Do you wanna know who was innocent? My highschool sweetheart. Love of my life. Pregnant with my little boy. He’d be about your age now. If his momma hadn’t got caught in the crossfire when two meth head freaks decided to rob a fuckin’ convinience store. A world without those people in it? Sure smells like peace to me. 

You break the law. You pay the price. Good riddance. To all of them. 

That’s why I gotta destroy that case. Now slide it over, Agent Galahad. 

Thank you. 

__________________

FULL MASTERLIST OF PEDRO CHARACTERS DIALOGUE

[itsyagurlchip]

٠ ˚ ※ ๋࣭  ᯓ⚝ ⋆ .˚✰Funky Thoughts٠ ˚ ※ ๋࣭  ᯓ⚝ ⋆ .˚✰

✰⋆⁺warnings: cussing(!) polyamory(!) heavy angst(!) fluff/comfort(!) gn but masc reader(!) reader is tism and sheep coded (!) panic attack(!) uncontrollable suffocation(!) naked but not sexually (!)

✰⋆⁺Shhh not a vent. I just needed something sad. not a vent..i made a playlist for this btw! Again, for those who haven't read my other oneshot, Lovebug is Fizzaroli and Dizzy is Asmodeus. I wanted to give you guys a taste of what it's like to have hair like mines!! I hope you all enjoy<33

✰⋆⁺ Sometimes you don't feel the best. And that's okay, because your favorite two demons are on the way!

'Maybe you should've just kept your mouth shut.'

I thought to myself.

'They're lucky I'm not mentally unstable. I would've torn their fucking faces off.'

I cried silently as I ripped my suit off, throwing it harshly against the pink carpet. I bleated in anger. or was it sadness? Pure animosity for those ignorant, selfish, egotistical, unprofessional little shits started to cloud my mind.

pressure, pressure, pressure.

I swiped away my tears and stomped to the luxurious bathroom. My hooves made hostile clacks across the tile of the flooring, my puffy tail twitching in agitation.

pressure pressure pressure

I grabbed my essentials, a face towel and a body towel, as well as a few candles. I grab the lighter, but my hands are too shaky to use it. I slam it to the ground as the fluid pours against the smashed glass.

pressure pressure pressure

I looked at myself in the giant mirror. How tired my cheekbones looked, the way my fur desperately begged to be taken care of. But worst of all, was my eyes.

I looked so tired. So hopeless, so broken. Why are you letting them do this to you? You don't have to take this? It's not the only job, you deserve better.

That mask was cracking.

snap!

Something inside of me broke. I just couldn't look away from those sad eyes. Next thing i new, I was sobbing. hard.

I couldn't even conceal my noises, because if i did, I would simply be suffocating myself. My head was pounding, my tears falling faster (pretty sure they made a small puddle, how pathetic).

All the while, I still couldn't look away from those things. Those damned pupils. That thing looking at me in the mirror wasn't me. No, it couldn't be. It was too pitiful. Too weak.

My breathing quickened, my body wasn't listening to my thoughts. As of my brain disconnected from reality, I started to shake. Why cant i breathe?

My head was spinning, all of my hidden problems were choking me straight at the throat. Consciously, i knew I was fine. Yet, my body couldn't help but react in such a way to something as small as thoughts.

Disgusting. How miserable. You cant even hold yourself together. How would Dizzy and Lovebug react?

And as soon as I thought that, I heard the door burst open. A smooth voice to still my shaking, cooling metal to chill my burning skin. I still couldn't breath, and streams were still pooling my eyes.

Now i was being rocked slowly, scratchy humming as well as sniffles in between was bringing me to reality.

Just as my eyes were about to roll to the back of my head, my lungs finally registered my plead to breath. I took in as much air in as i could, sputtering and coughing ever so then.

I was able to see through those dreadful dewdrops, I could finally see the two people who give their love to me. After blinking a few times, I could feel that the tears had reached my skin, and were rapidly drying.

"Are you okay now buggabear?" Asmodeus whispered softly, as if his voice would disturb the silence I've created. Too bad his voice is more of a subduing melody. His eyelights looked down upon me in concern, as well as empathy.

I could only nod sheepishly, which is ironic...

Fizzaroli had his arms fully coiled around my fluff, from chest to waist. His eyes were slightly red, with his head stuffed into my neck.

"Don't scare me like that again!" He glared tearfully. "I couldn't tell if you were gasping for air or choking yourself out." He pouted, despite knowing it was out of your control. I chuckled in self depreciation.

I had only now noticed that Dizzy was in his smaller form, carefully floating his hands over my face. I meekly nodded again, and the softness of him and his love reached my cheeks.

"Oh Froggie..." Dizzy sighed, looking down at Fizzy, picked up the two of us. He looked over towards the tub and the broken lighter- or what used to be of it. Now it was tiny shards covered in chemicals, threatening to stab us if we dared placed our feet upon them.

I seemed to remember that i didn't have any clothes on previous as Asmodeus observed the knocked over candles around the tub rim.

"Would you still like to take a bath? Or is that too much for right now?" He asked, shuffling to balance and step over the shards.

"yes... yes please." I replied. I didn't wanna use my voice much. Lovebug unwrapped himself from me, and sat at the end of the tub. He turned the knobs, mixing and spilling in liquid soap for perfect satisfaction.

The bubbles floated upwards in heart shapes, popping when they reached the warm air above.

"Would you like us to stay?" Asmodeus asked.

As I consented, he lowered me into the tub. My wool instantly started soaking up water, bringing it down a few levels.

Soon enough after untensing a bit, Dizzy took my shoulders from behind and massaged them deeply. I couldn't help but relax and let out a few 'mehs' in delight. His fingers ran through the locs and strands of it all, untangling them to some extent.

Looking over, my heavy soaked wool making it hard to move, I looked over at Lovebug, who had a bottle of coconut and shea butter scented soap.

"Y-you guys do know you really don't have to do this for m-me, right?"I spoke, turning back to the bath wall. I then shiver as i fell a plop of thick liquid being moisturized into my head.

"Of course!/We want to though" They both say at the same time, turning to each other then laughing. The continue to scratch at my scalp and push deeply into my shoulders, forcing my tense muscles to ease up immediately.

"We want to take care of you, especially because you're stressed right now." Asdmodeus starts. "But also being our partner means being an extension of ourselves, we have to tend to ourselves after all?"

"Plus, buggabear, you'll get all stinky and sad- we dont wanna leave you like that!" Fizzaroli jested, poking at the top of your head with gloves. "What kind of partners would we be if we didn't do the the bare minimum of taking care of you?" He finished.

I smiled at my partners' words, chuckling at the 'stinky and sad' part.

Having someone to care for me meant a lot for my healing soul. No one ever, not even in the land of living, has someone ever taken care of me like this. Not even myself.

With such love, such delicacy in a way that didn't make you feel small. These two were the change you really really needed.

You were glad you had some form of escape from those funky thoughts.

(๑˃̵ᴗ˂̵)و tags: @kittykittyanon @radicallxser @oleander-nin @towomatos @thealphagirl @ziipzeepzop-eez @amorvincitomnia-14 @spongejuice. if you would like to be added, check my blog. if you would like to be added, check my blog.

[maxiscoolongg]

"What! I cant do that!?"

💌; Chooch Bambalazi

Warnings: kissing, nothing other

—♡—

Parents day has finally came and I saw my mom and dad "MA! PA!" I yelled hugging them "Hello sweetie!" My mom said "Hey bud" my dad saud rubbing my shoulder "So ma, you know that boy" "Yes tell me tell me." "I'm dating him.." I said smiling "Omg! Sweets that's amazing!" She said hugging me again then Chooch came towards me "Ma pa, this is the infamous boy" I said as he put his hands around my waist "Nice to meet you Mrs and Mr l/n" he said to them "Lovely to meet you chooch I've heard so much about you" my mom said as I widen my eyes "Really?" Chooch said looking at her then me

—♡—

Once I met up with the guys my mom wanted a photo so we all put our hands around each other's shoulders the smilled, I got a photo and marked it.

(Pretend there is only 1 girl)

I gave my mom it as we had to go now, we did our course, we loaded our guns, we marched. Then soccer.

I suck at soccer and I didn't tryout so I just sat with my parents while they did it master Sargent started singing the national anthem, I looked at hash and gave him the thumbs up and smiled ge smiled back as the rocket shot up exploding something I chuckled so far its 1-0 chooch scored it obviously now its 1-1 liceman scored me and my mom looked at each other and rolled our eyes I walked over to the guys and they were talking about the plan "Hey where's ike?is he all set" Chooch asked us, I looked at ike and thumbs him up he did it back "Okay, now, are you sure you can get into licemans safe?" He asked me and hash

"Shit! Hash we don't got it" I yelled "shit" he said as we ran out "You get the pictures?" "We couldn't crack the code" I was gonna say something else until we heard "This ones for you uncle Vaughn" then bam the rocket blew the the house abd safe up "Fuck! Oh my God! Let's go!" I yelled hugging hash and Oliver "Oh my God! They are gone!" Oliver yelled in relief I walked to chooch and kissed him he put his arms on my waist and I put my hands on his neck

—♡—

4 weeks later

Right now I'm in hashs car sitting on chooch lap with Oliver's and candy's car infront of us. Me and chooch were in passger side and Rodney was driving the other two were in the back standing up, I turned around and laughed at them as I kissed chooch passitonly "Get a room!" Rodney said sarcastically "Your just jealous you don't get nothing" chooch said to him as his hands rested on my lap, Rodney starting reversing as we saw a guy on the street soon candy backed up to. The guys gave Oliver a bsg then lifted his hat up Oliver's eyes widen as he saw liceman he yelled "DRIVE CANDY DRIVE!" She starting driving as Oliver threw the bag we followed em'

THE END.

[rubixpsyche]

cracks me the fuck up that Vox is supposed to be SO white-man-coded but I've seen multiple Asian fans independently point at em and go "that fucker one of us" 😭😭 What is going ON

Is it the stripes. Is it the allergy to therapy. Is it the misread on what is "Successful Famous Rich Guy" fashion and insisting it IS it IS even though he's dead wrong. Is it the wounded pride. Is it the chasing this image others present you of a successful person and changing yourself over and over to fit that mold as times keep changing and changing. But you never quite compare?

Is it the way he spectates the battle. You couldn't change out of your clothes? You just took off some layers like you're going straight back to work after this but you still wanna be "not formal at home"???

Vivziepop said I'm making this guy SUCH a specific white televangelist with religious background and fans said Naw, right idea, wrong direction. This is Asian Christian. He's causing problems a whole other way.

He lied through his fucking teeth every time his family called em. He made it big, he's making it big in 1940s America. He's so famous now. So many followers fans. Yea he has his own show. He's too busy to date right now but don't worry, he's got plenty of choices here from all his success. He's smoking 5 packs a day, he keeps losing at the mahjong den he goes to every weekend. The people robbing him at that table are the closest thing he'll have to friends.

[sagechanoafterdark]

To Love and To Hold

Pairing: Lee Bodecker x Wife!Reader

Synopsis: Sheriff Lee Bodecker has a perfect life and you are his perfect wife. With his eyes on higher political aspirations, he won't let anything stand in his way. And neither will you.

Word Count: 2,161

Warnings: canon violence, hinted at sexual assault, murder, sexual themes, a little bit of cock warming at the end

A/N: This fic has been sitting in my drafts for over a year now. It's a one-shot fic and the first time I've written for Lee Bodecker. It's also an entry for @plaid-shirtsandvibranium-arms ongoing Make It Badass Challenge. We all know I love a strong female reader. Hope you guys love it too. Thank you so much to @iwantutobehapppier for looking it over and the confidence boost and all the fellow Hodeckers for the inspiration along the way.

The night was dragging by. Sitting in his cruiser outside the bar, Lee watched with a sharpened gaze as a group of boys sauntered out the front door. Hooting and hollering as they stumbled into the cool June air, the trio shit-faced as they stumbled towards the waiting car.

With his window cracked he could faintly hear the sound of a woman's voice, the driver, greeting one of the three. “Hey baby,” the man replied leaning heavily on the roof. “Thanks for coming to pick us up. Bodecker’s been sitting cross the street all damn ni-”

Lee tisked as the rest of his commentary was cut off, shifting in his cruiser. Mouthy little shit. As if he wanted to be here, sitting outside in a cold June rain waiting to pop a DUI. Maybe get a little puke on his shoes? As if this was his dream night.

Soon enough he’d be wearing that monkey suit, waving at constituents; maybe holding a couple of babies and making some promises he couldn’t keep. At least he could have you by his side for that. He’d set his sights small, make a run for state representative. Get a taste of real politics and see if it stuck.

As a matter of fact, he was damn sure his little dream would have never gotten off the ground if it hadn’t been for you. You, his darling and doting wife. You’d become a shining star in the community, running his campaign, talking to all the right people, steering him with all the mastery of a Capitan steering a ship.

The only reason he was up in the poles was because of you.

Sighing he rubbed a hand over his face, the day's stubble scraping over his fingers. He’d have to shave before tomorrow's planned speech and meet and greet. Though he was pretty sure you’d love the stubble the moment he walked in the door after his shift tonight.

Sometimes it felt just like yesterday when he’d first met you. Fresh-faced out of the academy and wearing the uniform felt good, the fit had been right back then. Of course, that was before he’d gotten a taste for the pies at Flo’s and before you’d simultaneously stole his soul and cut him to ribbons with that silver tongue of yours.

Sure people gave him a hard time for mooning over a woman who wouldn’t even give him the time of day. But that’s why he loved you even more. You knew he could be more and believed in him more than anyone.

Fuck, Lee loved you more than anything.

The radio in his car crackled to life, “Base, calling Car Twelve-Twenty-three.”

Picking up the mic from the hold on the dash Lee held down the button, “Twelve-Twenty-three, go ahead.”

“Sheriff you’re wife called just now,” came the overly bored voice of his night dispatcher, Roz.

A grin pulled at Lee's lips as he pressed the button on the walkie again, “And what did the Missus have to say?”

The radio crackled again before Roz’s voice came back, “Said, “The pot roast is getting cold and that you better hurry home if you want any.”

Pot roast? It’s not Sunday. You don't cook…

Lee's blood ran cold, blue eyes widened as the private code between you set off warning bells in his head. With a trembling hand, he pressed down on the CB once more. “Looks like I should be heading home then,” he said, doing his best to keep his voice even. “Twelve-Twenty-three signing out.”

“Have a good night Sheriff,” Roz echoed over the radio.

Starting up his cruiser Lee tore out of the gravel driveway. Kicking up rocks as he joined the pavement, tires screeching as he sped towards home. The leather squeaked under his iron-fisted grip as he turned corners and passed houses in a blur. 

The cruiser came to a screeching halt a the end of the driveway, Lee's feet hit the pavement as the vehicle jerked into park. He drew his gun the moment he exited, pulling back the hammer on the pistol and ready. Taking the front porch steps two at a time his keen eye-catching the pitcher of lemonade and glass with your lipstick still on the rim in the darkness.

Something was wrong.

Entering the house Lee was careful. Putting enough pressure on the squeaky door hinge he’d not gotten around to fixing and dodging the floor creaks in the old home. Dipping through the dark living room and down the hall towards the bright kitchen. It was deathly quiet and his heart beat wildly against his ribs as he drew in a breath before ducking around the corner.

Pistol pointed at the man he vaguely recognized seated at your kitchen table.

Lee slowly realized the horror of what he’d walked into.

The man sat slumped in the chair at the dining table was Samuel Kent, a reporter for the downstate paper who he’d had the displeasure of meeting in person two days ago. His blue leisure suit was rumpled and now stained crimson as blood slowly oozed from the gaping gash on his neck. Dark eyes glazed over and horn-rimmed glasses askew on his face, blood dripped from his parted and gasping lips.

Holstering his weapon Lee’s shoes skirted the pool of blood forming off the pristine white lace table cloth as he looked at you. Still as a statue sitting across from the corpse.

Your crystal clear eyes staring, unblinking, at the man opposite. Clutched in your hand was the sandwich knife, the tip glimmering with blood as you sat frozen over the fine china tea set. “Kitten,” Lee tested, voice gentile but strained as he slowly approached you. “Kitty, what happened?”

You were still. Unblinking and unable to look away from the whey-faced man, “He was going to talk.” The harsh whisper fell from your lips as tears began to fill your crystal-clear eyes. “He was going to expose us. I couldn’t… I couldn’t let him muddy our name. Not now.”

“Kitty,” he asked again, his breath catching the moment your eyes flicked over to him with a coldness he recognized. “Tell me what happened.”

Your mouth opened and closed a couple of times, your sorrow and shock-filled eyes drifting back to Kent before hardening again. Lee felt a stone sinking in his stomach with that look.

“He knew about the Williams boys,” the words whispered from your lips, so quiet in the silence of the kitchen Lee was unsure he’d even heard you. “Said he was going to expose you for covering up what happened to them. That it wasn’t a wild animal. That he had enough to prove that you covered it up when you were a deputy still. That there might have been others who disappeared around town. He was going to tell everyone.”

The Williams boys.

Lee should have known the spector of those three men would appear in your lives again. It had been like this then too. The blood. The carnage. He can still remember you standing holding the knife in your hand. Dress tore your lip fat and cut open with that sinister gleeful smile spreading on your perfect lips.

Perfect lips he’d fallen in love with.

Swallowing hard, Lee crouched beside you. His knees hit the linoleum floor before reaching up and swiping away the few tears that managed to fall. Inwardly cursing himself for not taking action sooner. Like the fool, he was he’d thought that there would be time to handle this. 

“I’m so sorry Kitten,” he comforted, before recalling the bristling conversation he’d had with the man two days ago.

Kent sat in his office, a smug grin on his face and a cocky tilt to his head. “I wonder how Mrs. Bodecker would react to that kind of news,” he smirked, pushing his horn-rimmed glasses further up his nose. “Knowing her husband is nothing more than a dirty cop and a dirty politician.”

That struck an immediate chord with him, “Stay the hell away from my wife!”

Spittle flew from Lee's mouth as he stood from his desk, the office nowhere near soundproof as his secretary looked up from her paperwork to the red-faced sheriff.

Samuel Kent still looked as cool and composed as ever, a sly smile forming on his lips as he dusted off his pants before standing. “Well, now that’s not quite the reaction I was expecting. You’ll be hearing from me again Sheriff.”

“I mean it Kent,” Lee warned, his expression menacing as the man left his office. “Stay away from my wife.”

Looking up into your glistening eyes, Lee tried his best to comfort you. “I warned him, Kitty. I really did.”

Swallowing hard his gaze drifted over to your hand still clutching the bloody knife, wrapping his fingers around yours before the knife clattered to the table. With a broken sob, you fell into his arms and cried, burying your face into his neck as he began soothing you with soft whispers.

His focus was solely on getting you out of this, he’d done it before. Comforted you after the Williams boys. After that drifter, Harold Britt came to town and wouldn’t take no for an answer. Then the farmer Samuel Holster disappeared after pinching you in the diner one too many times and you’d come to him covered with blood and dirt. 

Lee had done this many times before. Sat on his knees before you, giving you the comfort you needed. Soothing your fragmented soul and frayed nerves with his own stained and blackened heart.

“Lee,” you whispered wetly against his ear after your crying had slowed. Your tongue licked over the shell, teeth catching the lobe as a groan caught in his throat. He could feel your hand slipping down over his tummy and cupping his already hard cock through his pants.

“Kitty,” he rumbled, stubble scraping against your cheek before your lips caught his in a sloppy and messy kiss.

Your tongue thrust into his mouth just as your body surged against his and Lee returned it in full force. Tasting your lipstick and the tang of the rose tea you only served to guests you hated, his hand slipped up to your cheek. Trying in vain to wrestle control back as your mouth plundered his. Tongue stroking, biting at his lips one second before pressing a sweet as sin kiss against him.

Breath fanning over his face you whimpered, “Help me. Please, Sheriff.”

“Yeah,” he agreed against your mouth with a grunt. “I’ll help you, Kitty.”

His dick was rock hard and the way you were grinding on his hips made his knees ache against the floor, but he didn’t care. His large warm hands slid up over your back as he laid you down onto the spotless kitchen floor, pushing away the chair you’d been sitting in with a squeak.

Shedding his jacket and loosening his tie, Lee's blue eyes looked down on you as your fingers began unsnapping the buttons on your dress. Exposing your breasts, nestled perfectly in the lace trim bra. He couldn’t help but lick his lips at the sight, ready to bury his face into your cleavage as his own hands started fumbling with the belt and zip on his slacks.

Freeing his cock the head leaked against the soft floral print of your dress before his hands slipped up your bare thighs. Fingers warm and caressing the soft flesh of your thighs before pulling them off along with your shoes, one hand gripped your calf, pressing a soft kiss to your ankle before you wrapped it around his waist.

Lee was absolutely gone for you.

The way you’d sigh as he gripped his fat cock in one hand, rubbing the head against your damp pussy before raising your hips for him. Eagar to take him, Lee licked his fingers briefly before pressing the spit-soaked digits against you earning a soft moan. Slipping and sliding against your entrance he drew a shuddering breath as he pressed forward at the same time.

A moan rattled out of your lungs as Lee covered your body with his own, one hand on your hip to hold you still as he loomed over you braced on his forearm. Kissing you deeply, tongue stroking against yours as your arms pulled him in. 

“No more Pepsi cups,” you whispered against his lips.

The sure baritone in your voice made Lee's dick jump inside of you. Looking down into your eyes you looked vulnerable, innocent, and naive when you were anything but. There was a reason that he’d helped you cover up the Williams boys and all the others. It was the same reason he’d help you cover up this one too.

“No more Pepsi cups,” he vowed, thrusting into you roughly on the kitchen floor as a deep moan spilled from your lips.

Lee loved you more than he did himself.

[dnalt-d2]

NEW CODE/FIT THEORY HOT OFF THE PRESS MAYBE

Hey guys, so around a week ago maybe, I asked a question

About any direct confrontations Fit may or may not have had with the Code. And since I got the answers I was looking for, here's the theory that led to me asking the question in the first place

(And also thanks to the people who actually answered me, it helped a lot)

It seems to me like the Code, for the longest time, has been purposely avoiding Fit for one reason or another. Now I have two hypotheses, one of which is way funnier to me and I kinda hope is the case. And the other which is more likely the case

So basically, the only current documented times the Code interacted with Fit before going semi-non-violent was in the early days of the QSMP, when Phil accidentally found some netherite weapons and incurred the wrath of what he thought at the time was God. (This was almost definitely just a beta design for the Code) It followed Phil as he ran off and encountered Fit, who immediately threw a bomb and killed the Code in one hit. Afterwards, it gave them a book with coords to Luzu's computer, and that was basically it.

The next time I remember the Code encountering Fit was during the fight that led to Tallulah's first death. And the weirdest thing to me at the time was that the Code didn't touch Fit. It teleported him underground for some reason. And ONLY him. Something we never really got an explanation for. At the time, I assumed it was just trying to get some of the fighters out of the way, but it didn't look like it teleported Phil or Forever, who were present as well.

After this, the Code would go on to attack Ramon, but only when Fit wasn't there, taking his final life for a bit there before it got reversed because the Code broke the rules regarding how it's supposed to attack the eggs.

And according to other viewers, it didn't seem to do anything involving Fit, up until it started dropping items related to the eggs, in addition to two clocks, both of which were dropped specifically to Fit. Fit was of course involved with the fight at the Election Dinner to a certain extent, but so was everyone, so that might have just been unavoidable. Same with the fact that Fit was present during some of the failed attempts on Pomme's life. Aside from these, the Code seems to have kept its distance from Fit for some reason (Though if I've missed any encounters, please let me know)

Now for the hypotheses

The first one that's more of a crack theory and would honestly be hilarious.

It avoids Fit because he fucking blew it to smithereens immediately upon meeting, and now he's just fucking terrified of him, avoiding him at whatever cost, only approaching him when it's unavoidable, and leaving as soon as possible. Again, I don't think this is it, but wouldn't it be funny if it was???

And for the actual theory, which someone else probably already put together, but I don't care

So I've been pretty wishy-washy on whether or not the Codes are allied with the Resistance or the Mystery Third Faction, and this unfortunately isn't helping me. Right now, the Resistance seems more likely due to Etoile's connection to it. But I think that whoever hired Fit is also part of the Resistance. Or at least that they're part of whatever group is with the Codes. And the ENTIRE reason the Code's been avoiding Fit is because whoever's in charge of it specifically told it to. Since he's working with them, they want to make sure he's unimpeded as much as possible, to the point that the Code hardly seems to have targeted Ramon specifically, and only did so when Fit wasn't there.

(Which makes it a little fucked that Fit specifically told his employer that he's hesitating because he has a son now. Which would theoretically give them more reason to want Ramon out of the way)

This would mean that the clocks may NOT have been a "The Eggs' time is up soon" warning the way a lot of people assumed, but it could've been trying to tell Fit "Hey, time's running out for you, get a move on, hurry it up." This would explain why he was the ONLY one to get the clock.

So yeah, that's my thoughts, let me know what you think or if I'm just wrong. Like I've said before, I'm not exactly a theorist, so a lot of this is new territory to me. And I haven't watched a whole lot of Fit before about a month or two ago, so a lot of what he was doing back then isn't something I've been keeping up with. So if I missed something please tell me.

*EDIT*

I HAVE JUST BEEN INFORMED THAT SOMEONE MADE CONTACT WITH FIT VIA BOOK AND IT LOOKS LIKE IT WAS PROBABLY FROM THESE GUYS. Or at least whoever's been contacting people via black chest.

(Likely the same guys who were talking to Cellbit before probably Cucurucho intercepted the messages at the tail end of the exchanges (The last chest wasn't black in that so it probably wasn't them))

SO YEAH OF COURSE THAT HAPPENED TODAY

OF COURSE IT'S PERTINENT AND I MISSED IT

THAT'S SO WONDERFUL

[otrtbs]

I want Barty Crouch and “But you can call me Barty 😏” to meet like yesterday

BABE THIS HAS BEEN IN MY INBOX FOREVER BECAUSE I COULD NOT FOR THE LIFE OF ME FIGURE OUT WHAT THIS MEANT. I FELT LIKE I WAS DECIPHERING A CODE OR SOMETHING AND I'VE JUST BEEN STARING AND STARING AT THIS FOR AGES.

BUT I FUCKING GOT IT.

YOU MEAN THAT TIKTOK GUY WITH THE POSH ACCENT. THAT TIKTOK GUY BARTHOLOMEW MONTGOMERY THE THIRD OR WHATEVER!!! I CRACKED THE CODE OH MY GOD I FUCKING DID IT !!

[dr4kenlvr]

𝐓𝐎𝐌𝐀𝐍—𝐄𝐒𝐂𝐀𝐏𝐄!

feat. toman boys [mikey, draken, baji, kazutora, chifuyu, pah-chin & takemitchi] + gn!reader - crack (0.9k+)

request: thanks 😭 so its probably not very unique but i've never seen tokyo revengers escape room fics and im sure it would be really chaotic to get in one especially with the toman first gen boys hehe

nana's note: LMFAOOO i would pay money to see baji in an escape room, i don't think anything could beat that on a comedic level, sorry kei :p !!! also i have like ZERO experience w/ escape rooms so im kinda talking out of my ass—i hope things make sense 🫶 👍

this would genuinely be so, so fucking chaotic i can't even guys LMAOOO

they're all so ready to go and crack the case and escape real fast because "chifuyu's with us, and like, draken too i guess."

"OH, YOU GUESS?" -draken, with a vein bulging out his temple

you and the guys decided that the easiest way to do this was to split up into pairs and look for clues/hints together

here's a breakdown: mikey + draken, pah + mitsuya, kazutora + baji + chifuyu, you + takemitchi

"thank fucking god i'm paired up with mitsuya 'cause my shit for brains ain't gonna do much with kazutora." -pah with a triumph smile

"PAH???? PLEASE??" -kazutora in complete disbelief

"AHAHAHHA—WAIT, SHIT HE'S IN MY GROUP." -baji, with his hair tied up because he's fucking ready

chifuyu is rubbing his temple at this point

"WE'RE ALL IN THE SAME ROOM, SHUT THE FUCK UP." -mitsuya with a growing headache

"guys we need to start the clock is fucking ticking!!!" -you, as mikey, draken, and takemitchi are DYING of laughter

the staff have to settle you all down and explain the rules, time limits, and hint system before letting you into the room with a final cheerful 'good luck!'

the group laughs out loud as pah and mikey somberly wave goodbye to the crew, eyes fixed on the door shutting with a loud SLAM and lock

the group of you gape as you walk around the humongous room filled with props and setups that resembled a haunted mansion of an older era - it was quite beautiful really, but something about it made you and takemitchi shiver

first thing everyone noticed, was the huge closet that was locked and required a specific code to undo the chains that held it tightly shut

it was evident that the task was to find out a code somehow, and so each pair began investigating the room

some spoke up when they came across something of mild interest—only to find out it served no real purpose

mikey keeps on mentioning that they should ask for a clue but baji and kazutora claimed they didn’t want to look like pussies just 20 minutes in

a few moments later, chifuyu notices papers sticking out of certain books along the walls; he collects them all and shows his partners to which baji screeches:

“GUYS!!!! THERE’S A BUNCH OF LETTERS HERE!!” 

he waves the pile like a flag and kazutora’s jumping up and down in excitement, shaking baji’s shoulders with a grin

chifuyu, who actually found the letters: lmfao k den bitch

the rest of the group huddles together and split up the letters to read

draken suggests that the numbers hidden within the letters are important for the code: “maybe there’s a specific sequence of some kind? each letter has one number.”

mitsuya’s head perks up and he leaves the group to rummage through something at the back—pah is all like “where are you going? wait where are you going, mitsuya please tell me where you’re going.” BECAUSE THIS MF IS SO LOST LMAOOO

“i found this collection of stamps by the coffee table, each one has a number on it but they’re not numerical order” mitsuya says, offering the box to takemitchi’s open hands

he picks each one up and inspects it closely, the stamps were from 1-5 but as mitsuya had mentioned, they weren’t in order

kazutora grabs them out of takemitchi’s hand with a cheeky grin, “MAYBE they correspond with the numbers in the letters?”

he puffs his chest out, before baji slams his palm flat on it with “YEAH, no shit sherlock. it doesn’t take a fucking genius to assume that.”

everyone just bursts out in laughter as kazutora physically deflates and lays on the ground: “fine, then you guys solve it.”

everyone shoots out possible strategies and solutions, but none of them work out every time you attempt to change the numbers

and baji gets so irritated and starts complaning like "god damn this shit is so hard it's making my ponytail fall apart" LIKE WHAT???

then there's pah: “BRO MY ASS HURTS LIKE HELL!”

“??? then stand up ????” -draken and mitsuya

“WHY WOULD I STAND UP WHEN YOU ARE ALL SITTING DOWN, I’M APART OF THIS TOO.”

you laugh, shaking your head at your friends

but you also find yourself getting increasingly irked as time ticks by

“uhhh you sure we’re not missing something?”

“i don’t know! why don’t you go ask an expert, idiot?”

“EXACTLY!” mikey yells, “let’s ask an expert,” he winks, signalling with his head to the big, bright red clue button on the wall

“it wouldn’t hurt right?” he scrunches his nose, trying to work his so-called adorable looks on the rest of the group

everyone looks around, and no one lets out a single complaint

mikey squeals as he stands, sauntering over to the other side of the room

and just as he raises his hand to press on the button, a loud alarm calls:

“TIME LIMIT REACHED, ESCAPE FAILED. YOU MAY NOW EXIT UPON STAFF INSTRUCTION.”

THE LOOK ON EVERYONE’S FACES IS JUST FUCKING (⊙⊙)(☉_☉)(⊙⊙)

I CAN NOT

everyone is just sitting down like a bunch of ducks staring at the door which is about to open

“WAIT WHAT THE FUCK? NOOOOO—”

“hi everyone! hope you enjoyed playing, you may now exit and grab your belongings from the cubbies outside. please come and try again next time!” 

ya’ll just fucking walk out like a bunch of sad children who couldn’t prove themselves smart enough despite having NINE PEOPLE AHFHADFJSD

“wow that was so fun, so uh can we get food now please i’m starving.”

“MIIIIKEEEY!!!!” -everyone

sigh, maybe go to an arcade next time or something <3

taglist: @dai-tsukki-desu @kazuhoya @gwynsapphire @sscarchiyo @reiners-milkbiddies @smileyswifeyy @bontensimp-blog @thisbicc @megumisemo (send me an ask or dm to be added!)

reblogs and comments are very appreciated!

[tobiasdrake]

That was sweet. Now back to the much more dismal present.

We're back to the burning question: Stabilized homunculus who's cracked the secret of curing ferals? Ghost coming to comfort Yakou in his low comprehension? Or the hallucination of a memory Yakou will never let go of?

That's a heartening thing to say. Did you crack the secret of stabilizing the defective homunculi?

There is a cure. We're probably going to use up the entire sample on Yakou as a bittersweet moment, like her greatest research was to give him a second chance at life.

But even if that's the case, the fact that she managed to do it means it can be done. Much like Real Yuma's ramen shop, it shows the value of crowdsourcing the homunculi's problems outside of just Makoto.

If stabilizing homunculi is possible, then even if Yakou uses the entire sample, it means someone else might crack this code again. It's proof-of-concept that the code can be cracked.

I am so happy right now. We can cure Yakou. We can cure the Theater Girls. We can cure Shachi. And the Priest. We can shove Huesca in a pit. We can cure Tetra's dad!

I mean, after it's reinvented, of course. I'm sure there's only going to be enough in that thing for Yakou.

Yep. One pill. Which is just kicking the can down the road; Yakou will be fine until his next death and then he's right back in this situation.

But it's proof of concept. First thing he should do as soon as he regains his mental faculties is go straight to Makoto and tell him it can be done. We need to restart homunculus research, and pore over his wife's notes extensively. Maybe take samples of Yakou's blood for testing.

T_T This is such a sweet conclusion, both for Yakou's journey and for the story as a whole.

And there she goes confusing me again. I do not know what you mean by that. Is she saying to go dig up her corpse if he can't un-feral?

It's not like he can die and join her in the afterlife. She's already got a Yakou with her in the afterlife. This one's trapped here forever.

All the same, this is such a great ending. Emotionally powerful and satisfyingly interesting all at once.

"Hard man seeks revenge because his woman was fridged" is a character archetype I generally loathe. But it works so well for Yakou. Partly because it's not what solely defines his character; There are plenty of other facets to him as well. Like most of Kodaka's characters, he's a complicated guy.

But also because of the leg-work that this DLC did to make his wife out as more than just a nice lady who died so we can be mad about it. I've seen more than a few attempts at trying to convince the audience to be emotionally invested in the dead spouse but this is the first one that's ever worked for me.

I think it's because most of the time, the dead wife winds up characterized like this saintly figure who was perfect and demure and wifely in all the "right ways", such that she never feels like her own character and comes off more like the emotional crowbar that she is. But Kodaka sat down at his computer and just hammered out a concise tale about two people who enjoy each other's company and find they have some shared interests.

With characters like these, it often winds up feeling like they were just spinning their wheels living Insert Idyllic Life and waiting for the story to start. Things won't get interesting until she dies. Sorry, but her life is the price of admission for this cool story, I guess.

But with Yakou and his wife, it's like. No. No, this was the story. A whirlwind romance besieged by assassins and gene research, that was the story of their life. The Yakou we meet when we step off that train is a broken man because, for him, the story catastrophically ended. For him, there is nothing left to tell.

...if only she had a fucking name. Come on, Kodaka! Really!? I'm shilling this love story you wrote so hard and it's between Yakou and... Amaterasu Researcher. God fucking dammit, even when you're on the ball, I want to shake you violently for the choices you make.

[jjnonken]

Been a while since I've posted. I've decided I hate Facebook again and for now I'm letting off steam here.

I said before that I'd deleted my long rant and just stuck to a mini-rant. Well, today I'm posting a long rant. Fair warning: This is a rant.

As far as I can tell, there's no good news about the Borderlands movie. They've changed Commander Knoxx's character to be Atlas's daughter instead of General Knoxx, so I guess she'll be Commander Atlas now. That... doesn't matter. Of all the issues I have with this movie, whose daughter she is is probably the least important. Actually, it's not an issue. Her EXISTENCE is an issue, but not which NPC is her parent. Atlas isn't even an NPC, it's just a gun manufacturer, presumably named after its founder. We never see the founder(s) nor, as far as I can remember, hear any backstory. I'm not sure which problem they were trying to solve by the rename.

First problem: We do have to rescue Lilith, Athena, and one other who I won't mention due to spoilers. I can only think of those three. Lilith tells you to kill her if you can't save her... "Better dead than a damsel." Athena engineers her own rescue; you're just the muscle. So there's kind of a dearth of damsels in this franchise. The movie's premise is that Commander uh... Atlas?... needs to be rescued. So, right. Damsel in distress. Kind of immediately contradicts the lore of Borderlands, who has strong women who generally don't need rescuing.

Second is: why General Knoxx's er, I mean, Atlas's daughter? She's a new character. It's like BORDERLANDS ISN'T CHARACTER-RICH ENOUGH, we have to add more just to get the plot started.

Edit: She still shows credited as Commander Knoxx in my web search, including on IMDB. I saw Atlas in the last article I saw on the movie. It's possible it was simply mistaken. I note parenthetically that Knoxx works for Atlas Corporation, and the DLC he's in is Atlas-heavy. Could just be a mistake. Edit to the edit: The Wikipedia article premise mentions her as Atlas's daughter. But she's named Knoxx. I'm fucking confused; which is she?

Next: They have Kevin Hart playing Roland. Kevin Hart is a comedian. Roland is a serious, somber, straightforward guy who never jokes and never laughs, or even smiles. Any humor that happens in relation to him works because it plays off his sober sincerity.

Roland: Oh good, you're not dead. Lilith: That's his way of saying "Hi". Roland: Sorry. Hi.

Why do they need a stand-up comedian to play Roland? Either Hart is trying to branch out and do some serious acting, or... they're making a comedy.

OK, Cate Blanchett is doing Lilith. I don't know if she's the best choice, but I don't know who else I'd recommend. I guess I'm OK with that.

As for Tannis... I love Jamie Lee Curtis, but she's a scream queen that also does comedies. Tannis isn't FUNNY, she's TRAGIC. Again, there's humor, but it plays off her personality, which is informed by her severe social awkwardness. (She's pretty much coded autistic. I don't know if it's canon.) No doubt the trauma she's suffered has exacerbated any existing personality deficits. Or caused new ones. Can Curtis do a sober Tannis? I mean, play her seriously, not deadpan. I don't know. Again, I don't think she's meant to -- this movie is looking more like a comedy every day. Could be worse, but I'm not sure I'd pick her.

Next, we have Claptrap, who is introduced as "The wise-cracking robot" and played by... Jack Black, a comedic voice actor. Thing is, Claptrap does not crack wise. He's hilarious, but that's because, similarly to Roland and Tannis, the game plays off his naive sincerity. He's funny because he's so serious, but clueless. I haven't memorized every line in the entire franchise enough to instantly recall everything that every claptrap robot has said, but as far as I can remember, Claptrap has told MAYBE three jokes on purpose. One is self-referential, spoken by a claptrap who is supposed to be programming the game: "Borderlands? More like Memelands, am I right?" One is spoken right after a hatch is automatically locked, trapping you in the first map: "I hear that getting eaten by bullymongs isn't such a bad way to go." Was that one a deliberate joke? Don't know, so that's my "maybe." And the third is from a side mission called The Iceman Cometh. It's a moderately silly pun that any 10-year-old would be proud of. When you (as a character) don't react, he then EXPLAINS THE JOKE. When you still don't react, he LECTURES YOU on the nature of humor. TWICE. Naive sincerity, not cracking wise. So again, this suggests the movie being a comedy.

So, we have two of the four vault hunters from the first game, Lilith and Roland. The roles of Mordecai and Brick are interesting, in that THEY AREN'T THERE. Why?

Tiny Tina is. She's a psychotic young teen with a penchant for explosives. She's got a connection to Brick, who -- for some reason -- isn't in the movie. She's not the kind of person who needs a bodyguard -- she's the kind of person against whom YOU need a bodyguard. I only bring this up because... ... Krieg is her bodyguard in the movie. Why? I already mentioned her connection to Brick. Krieg doesn't have a connection to Tina, he has a connection to Maya. I don't know when this movie is supposed to take place in the Borderlands timeline, but if Lilith is retired, it'll be between the first and second. Possibly around the time of the Pre-Sequel. We don't see Krieg until BL2, where he's added as the last playable character after the original four plus Gaige. So the timeline doesn't make sense and Krieg's connection to Tina doesn't make sense and Krieg being Tina's bodyguard doesn't make sense. I don't know anything about the actors, I may look them up and try to watch some of their stuff.

Tina doesn't show in the game until BL2, but there's no reason to think she hasn't been around since Borderlands, we just haven't seen her. (But only after the events of BL:PS, since it's Jack's slag experiments on Tina's parents that kill them and drive her into being a vengeful little psychopath.) But Krieg doesn't show up until he becomes a vault hunter? OTOH until then he was living as a psycho... probably on Pandora. So I suppose the timeline might be OK, technically. I'll give them that one. But I still object to the Tina/Krieg connection.

Gina Gershon as Mad Moxxi: Gina is an attractive woman, doesn't have Moxxi's curves, and she's 61. She's pretty hot-looking but I'm not sure she really fits the character, physically. Can she do Moxxi's va-va-voom? Don't know.

Charles Babalola: I don't know him. I try not to get upset at race lifts; I'm used to Sir Hammerlock being the "great white hunter" stereotype, but I suppose it doesn't hurt anything if he's black. At least he's British. This is a weak protestation at most. EDIT: Several people have pointed out that he's canonically black, which I never noticed. Well, OK then, that one's on me.

Bobby Lee plays Larry. He's another stand-up comedian. There sure are a lot of those for a serious film, eh? Also, who the fuck is Larry?

Ryann Redmond as Ellie: nobody's going to match Ellie's unrealistic proportions, but Ryann seems like a reasonable choice physically; basically, you just need a plus-sized woman who can act. I don't know anything about her acting but I presume she's competent, at least. Ellie is a smartass, so wise-cracking from her is welcome. So how come they cast a stand-up comedian as Roland but a serious actress as Ellie? The cognitive dissonance is making my brain cramp.

And Eli Roth has left the project and declared that he does not want credit for his writing. THAT bodes well.

This is supposed to be canon. Canon my ass. This is a TRAVESTY. EDIT: Somebody said it's not supposed to be canon. I read that it is. I'll try to dig up the reference when I get a minute. EDIT 2: Sorry it took me so long, I was busy procrastinating. Now, in my memory, when the first announced the movie they claimed it would be "true to Borderlands", but of course that's changed. I must have skimmed over the more recent "canon" phrasing, sorry. Apparently it's changed to "canon for the Borderlands Cinematic Universe", which is not the same as canon to the games. To me that's seems a bit disingenuous, considering that as far as I can tell, the Borderlands Cinematic Universe consists of one unfinished movie. (And calling it a "Borderlands Cinematic Universe" also seems a bit conceited since their first -- and so far only -- entry has been in Production Hell for 9 years and hasn't even finished.) So my apologies for getting the "canon" claims wrong, but I'm still unhappy and I think they're making excuses. They've taken an Action Movie script, grabbed some names from the Borderlands franchise, and pretended that the result is a Borderlands movie. They did that with Sly Stallone and the first Judge Dredd movie, remember? (Maybe you don't, but I was a fan of the comics. Fortunately the second movie was much, much better.) This makes me think of Stallone's Judge Dredd. (Also the anime version of the Lensman, but that one's pretty obscure.)

Anyway, I have more, but I think I've said what I need to. I may watch the movie out of morbid curiosity. I'm not going to dislike it out of spite, I'm not that hateful. I'll try to give it a chance. I just don't like the odds.