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kitkatt0430 · 1 year

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Time for the latest episode of the Flash. And since I was not hiding from spoilers last night, I already have reservations about the retcons I've read are coming in this episode.

Chester please don't do the self-echo thing. Please.

Anyway, Barry's birthday used to be in March. Not April. I'm still not over this change. It used to be his birthday was just days before his mother's death for extra tragedy points. Also, even if Barry is 'physically' thirty, he's experienced 34 years of life. Celebrate that. That's what birthday's are about. Celebrating the experiences.

Wally!!!!!! And David!!!! And Dig!!!

I do like Barry and Dig's bonding and actually talking about grief. It'd be great if Barry would actually grieve for Caitlin. But. At this point I'll take what I can get. At least she gets mentioned.

Chester makes Allegra a mask device of her own. Which she could have used two seasons ago - who does he think she'll be hiding her identity from at this point? Her secret identity is just as much swiss cheese as Barry's at this point.

I've been reminded of why I don't like that one Spice Girl's song.

Wally and Barry bonding!!! But of course it gets awkward because apparently there are parts of Wally's past he's not talking about. (Retcon alert.)

And now we're to the poisonous toast from the teaser, let's get this death party started!

Bloodwork!!! Making quite the CGI entrance. And he wants cake. I wonder how he escaped ARGUS.

Oooh, using what he learned about Nora against Barry this time. Low blow. And he's so cheerful about it too.

Chester - O_O All my friends are zombies. Gotta run.

Ramsey's new target is Wally. And Wally doesn't know what Bloodwork does. O_O

Okay, so here's the retcon I've been dreading. So in Season 2 it was established that Francine left Joe and Iris after her drug habit endangered Iris. Only she then found herself pregnant with Wally, so she got clean and stayed clean. That was the story both Wally and Francine presented, either through their exact words or by implication.

Now what we're getting is that Francine relapsed at some point, quite likely for a long period of time given the state of disrepair the home in Wally's 'memories' - modified by Bloodwork so unreliable narrator here - and that his struggle with squaring his rose-colored-glasses memory of his mother and the reality of what living with her during her drug addiction is what's making him vulnerable to Bloodwork and keeping him from achieving his spiritual awakening.

On the one hand, this is a much more plausible retcon than the Thomas Snow bullshit we got in Ep2 of this season. On the other hand, the whole 'drug addict Francine' plot was already racist in S2. This makes it worse.

Is it realistic that a drug user, even one who knows she needs to stay clean to take care of her child, would relapse once or even several times? Yes. Totally. Is there a racist history of painting black people as more likely to be drug addicts? Also yes.

Also fuck Ramsey for trying to subtly pit Wally against Barry there with his dig about Barry's childhood home being nicer. This isn't the traumatic childhood Olympics.

So was Red Death actually from a parallel reality and not an alternate timeline after all? I still feel like the alt timeline thing was just muddying the waters.

Good on Wally, seeing through Ramsey's rather blatant manipulation. I do feel like Bloodwork is trying too hard to sell his snow job here, though. Being a bit too obvious compared to his last go-round.

Lol, the meta commentary in Ramsey directing 'the Flash' is pretty funny. The hat sells it.

And Frost and Caitlin being brought back for that scene, just to really twist the knife that he got 'extra' years and they didn't.

*sigh* and we're revisiting the S2 resentment Wally felt for Barry. I'm not a fan of revisiting resolved plots like this.

Oh, hey, did Wally just kill Barry for real? I guess that's how he meets Oliver. And no time wasted, Barry's on Ollie's purgatory island to hang out in death.

Hugs for Oliver. Oliver - I'm allergic to emotions. Stop it.

oooh, confirmation. Red Death is from Earth-4125. Oliver has been numbering them, he's been bored. And alone.

Also I'm getting all the Olivarry vibes between these two again, they just can't resist making heart eyes at each other.

Khione's been taking a level in badass. And putting people in cryostasis. I do wish they'd explore non ice aspects of her powers, but I do like the way she uses her powers here - I don't think Frost had that kind of careful control. Though, honestly, they could have had her do it and I'd have accepted it as just her control improving.

Oliver - Look, I could un-dead you accept you're having a liiiitle bit of a death wish. Barry - What? Me? A death wish due to all the trauma and depression I've gone through? No. Not at all. Maybe. A small one. It's just everyone I care about keeps dying, but I randomly get three extra years of life. It's just not fair. Oliver - I should quote Labyrinth here, maybe.

Okay, so I'm glad to hear Oliver finally open up about how he feels about his dad's death. But. What about Laurel's death? What is she, chopped liver???

Actual dialog. "You're not gonna boop me again, are you?"

Oliver - I can only intervene when the multiverse is in danger. Barry - I think you missed me.

Barry, stop flirting with Oliver, your pregnant wife is hiding in the time vault.

Get some of that Arrow theme song in there as Ollie grabs his bow. Does he even have arrows? Does he need them at this point? Can he shoot specter powers at people???

Wally's corrupted lightning is white.

Oh, hey, Ollie found arrows. Somewhere.

Ramsey's god complex having gotten bigger since S6 is kinda amusing though. One world is not enough, he must have them all.

I do think I enjoyed the S6 zombie invasion better, though.

Khione healed Dig of his infection. With, uh... vomiting involved. Eww.

So in Wally's flashbacks, was that a clip from Flashpoint? O_o

Dig showing up to save Oliver. And more hugs for Oliver. Cut short by Ramsey going full CGI monster on them. Still, nice to have that reunion.

Oliver's gonna shoot specter power at the multiverse. After saying his iconic line, which does not make sense in context. But I'll take it.

While Ramsey deserved to have his powers taken away, it's a little too convenient that his HLH is magically cured too. I'm not sure how I like that. It's like giving him what he'd originally wanted.

Party time again I guess.

Glad Iris and Wally get to bond.

Iris - I've read your long-ass emails. Wally - *surprised pikachu face*

I hope Wally's sticking around for the last few episodes of the show.

Dig and Oliver getting a proper goodbye this time. *sniff*

And the episode ends with the tradition of Barry and Oliver drinking together. This time in the only bar left in Central City. (Seriously, it's the only bar this season. And also the only casino.)

Oliver and Barry getting a proper goodbye this time too. *sniff sniff* And a reminder of how much Oliver believed in Barry from the start. Awwww

I think I was expecting Bloodwork to be the final overarching villain of the show, so I am a bit disappointed this was a standalone episode. But overall it wasn't bad for what it is.

The trailer for part one of what is a... three? episode final arc shows the show returning to the start with Barry, Mattobard, and Nora Allen's death. Will the multiverse be relevant here? Will Barry break time one last time for old time's sake? Will Eobard finally be a non-disappointing villain again?

I guess I'll find out whenever I have time to actually watch it. With my home reno finally about to heat up, I dunno when that'll be.

#kitkatt0430 watches #the flash #season 9 spoilers #it's my party and i'll die if i want to

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diary-and-thoughts-of-me · 2 years

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28.2.2023//00:26

To be honest, I dont know. Some days just feel really good and I feel like I'm finally over all this sad stuff and then all of the sudden I'm close to relapsing. I won't. At least I hope so. But you somehow can never be 100% sure. I'm almost for one Year clean and I'm happy I can celebrate that all by myself (I actually wanted to suprise my friends with it and eat some cake with them, but now I'm sick at home so I'll probably be alone that day. Makes me kinda sad cuz I was looking forward to share this with them (and obviously eat some cake) and now I probably won't even tell them about it.). I know that it would be stupid to start all this shit again, especially since i've made so much progress with my mental health, but sometimes it just feels so familiar that it's luring you right back in its trap (tumblr isn't really helpful at that point haha, swear at no other platform I know is so much sad stuff to find. But at least I'm aware of it). It feels like it will never fully go away. Like I will always have to deal with this and that thought is quite overwhelming. I don't know how other people deal with this but it's close to a Year now and I still have to fight everyday. I'ts probably normal and just part of recovery but it's hard and frustrating.

#diary #tw relapsing #recovery #thoughts at night #help? maybe?#deep thoughts #sad stuff

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mnjr23rd · 6 years

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Together Alone

"You know he actually, convinced me to quit Nolu?" Rita said as she lit up a cigarette and took a long drag.

"Man I've missed that", She held it up towards the light almost admiring it. The second last cigarette out of a crumpled up pack of twenties. Which by the looks of it, had been hidden underneath a mattress for far too long.

She closed her eyes, I watched her chest expand, as her lungs began to fill with the contents of the cigarette. She inhaled, and held her breath for a while, taking it all in for a moment.

Before exhaling puffs of white smoke, through her nostrils and later through her lips.

Which had me scratching at my nose and slightly coughing, it irritated the heck out of my sinuses and clogged my throat.

I saw her eyes begin to, float up and about, then around the room dilating as she opened them, in some sort of daze.

I think that was the nicotine kicking in or it flooding the brain, which ever one came first.

"Still gives me the jitters.. Even after all this time. You know he actually convinced me to quit? Me of all people?" Rita said again shaking her head, as if she had been hoodwinked or swindled into giving up smoking. Before she took another drag of the cigarette, only longer this time. She looked at that cigarette as someone would an old friend, that you'd meet by chance in a clothing store or at a coffee shop or at some library miles from anywhere. And you reminisce about times gone by, laugh at things you used to do when you were younger.

And you stand there in almost shock, and you ask yourself, is that really so and so? I haven't seen so and so since we were kids. But there he or she is, right in front of me, the girl I thought would never get married with a ring on her finger and a child holding her other hand. The guy everybody expected to fail because he hustled people, and never studied there he was with a Rolex on his arm, and Porche keys in his hand. And you almost wonder how on earth, did he ever end up getting it so good? While you stuck in a 9-5.

That was Rita's reaction, one of shock and disbelief, as she tried to remind herself what smoking a cigarette used to be for her.

"It would've been two years and sixteen days now. Without a single one of these.." She held it up again as the bud began to burn her finger tips, it almost falling out of her hand, she laughed a little.

"Or a drop of alcohol.. But here I am, doing drugs again. He'd be so disappointed..." She said raising the bottle of wine, pressing it against her lips, taking a huge gulp of the wine.

"Theodin who always told me that I could do better, that I was better.. That this was bad for me, bad for my health, for my well being and that I was meant for so much more, that I deserved way better.. That I was way too beautiful." She sniggered.

"Then why would you relapse Rita?"

"Because I... I don't know, what to do with all these emotions Nolu, that's why. I mean he, your Theodin was like my glue but Theodin isn't here anymore, he's.. only God knows where! This and this.." She held up the cigarette and the bottle of wine.

"Was all I knew.. all I used to use to cope. This was all I could use, to numb the pain, until he came.. I miss him so much"

I felt something strange, something I hadn't felt in a long while, rage , anger, jealousy. begin to fill my heart and eventually engulfed it.

"Bet you do.. Don't you?" I said as it threatened to over take me and trickle down to my hands. Blood flowed rapidly to my head, I could feel my head throbbing.

"I do.. More than I can put in words.."

"What?" That was a line that Theodin used with me, almost 4 years ago. The last time I heard from him on the phone, before I finally saw him come to rescue me. He had said that he loved me, more than he cared to admit, and that he missed me more than he could put in words.

"Who taught you that line?"

"Your Theodin.." Rita kept saying that "your" part passively without a care in the world. My blood was boiling right now, she just kept laughing and giggling and with every giggle images flashed in my mind of her and Theodin. Was there anything he kept only for us? Or had he given everything to her, including his heart? I felt like swatting her right across the face and wiping that dumb smile off her bronze face.

"Want some?" She interrupted, sipping on the bottle of wine in her hand.

"You could use a glass or four...after what you've been through and they say it's bad manners to let a lady drink alone."

"That's a cheesy pick up line, that cheap girls you to get guys to buy drinks for them."

"Cheap?"

"Yes.. Cheap"

"What you trying to say? Are you calling me cheap?"

"Nothing.. I'm just saying if the shoe fits you know"

"You just mad, that your fiancé all up in this.."

"Female dog"

"Tramp"

"W-h-o-r--"

"Takes one to know one" She said cutting.

"Homeless person"

"Hobo"

"I'm not even that good at this, Nolu. But you? You suck.." She said cackling.

"Okay fine..."

"Are you okay?"

"Do I look okay? Seriously? Like part of me wants to hit you, with something so badly right now, I've been fighting myself over it for the last thirty-five minutes"

".. And where would you start?" Rita had a confused, almost baffled look on her face.

"That pretty face of yours! That stole my husband away."

"Stole? Really? But okay I'll take that.. And where would you end?"

"With your head inside a dumpster.." She began to laugh, she thought I was joking but I wasn't. I wasn't laughing, my teeth weren't even showing not a single one, I was dead serious. I had killed her a gazillion times in my head, now I was trying to figure out how I'd get out here without leaving any tracks or getting caught.

"We really going to fight over a guy? Like we still in middle school? Two grown women? Pulling each other's hair? Kicking, biting and scratching?" as much as I hated to admit it but she was right, It wasn't her fault that Theodin liked her, I'm not ready to say the other L-word which has a lot of weight on it. Call me dumb or whatever you like, but I love him. I know, I know part of me says he's gone but part of me doesn't want to believe it.

"Truce?" She said stretching out her hand.

"Truce" I replied, shaking her hand. I was older, so naturally I had to be the bigger person. I knew she was working me, trying to find out my anger, a nerve and used it against me but I knew better.

"You know what they also say around here?"

"What?" I asked in an even more annoyed tone,

"That Chinese wine a good laugh, and a bowl of sushi can fix anything and if you add a bowl of ice cream and chocolate into the mix you can fix a broken heart"

"You sure you aren't making that up, as you go? My heart isn't broken.." My heart wasn't broken, it wasn't aching, it was shattered.

"Mine is.. And I don't know maybe I am, making it up. Maybe I'm not.. but I guess there's only one way to find out," she lifted up the bottle and passed it to me.

"What happened to the glass?" She took another gulp only bigger this time.

"Drink it from the bottle. That's the best way to drink wine"

"You mean to drown your sorrows."

I pondered for a while, than I said,

"On second thought nah, I'll pass on the wine, but I'll take you up on the sushi, and the good laugh and maybe some chocolate and the conversation"

"Fine to me, I propose we toast Adelyne"

"To what? Aren't toasts meant for celebrations? What are we celebrating?"

"To new beginnings, making new friends or better yet how about we celebrate Theodin? The man we both love, the man we wish we could both hate..."

"Cheers" we said in unisoun as the bottle and my glass of water clinked together.

"He saw my best.. when I was at my worst. I can't believe I'm already slurring my words but I'm only a bottle and a half in.." She giggling a little bemused. I kind of joined in.

"You supposed to sip it slow, the quicker you drink, the quicker the lights go out.. But you right..that was Theodin alright, always wanting to see the best in people, always thought no one was beyond saving. He always said that people were like diamonds in bad condition, when you find them. Full of coal, dirty, and gritty on the surface.."

"But they were still diamonds underneath", Rita interrupted, finishing my sentence.

"He told me that too.." She added

"And how everyone deserved a chance, to be loved, to be at peace. He was capable of seeing beyond me, beyond this skin. He saw into my soul, something even I couldn't see. Greatness, he'd tell me that every day. Even when I disappointed him, like I'm probably doing now. He'd still be there with a smile on his face, telling me I could begin again. That regardless of what I thought I was, he somehow still saw a diamond underneath," she said with a chuckle.

"I bet he'd be telling me right now to take it easy on the wine wallflower, and that it was way too early to even be drinking wallflower"

"Don't do it for him Rita, do it for you... It feels better trust me, it lasts longer. Like now you relapsing because the person you were doing it for isn't around and now you don't have legs to stand on, now you don't have a reason to stay clean. It's why you have to do it for yourself, that's the only way you'll get sober, and stay sober.. When you don't have prove anything, to anyone but you. Where you show yourself, that your better than alcohol, and yes better than Theodin. Yes he's one of a kind, but he's only a man and he has flaws too and he'll let you down, and break your heart. Make yourself proud, make God proud, do it for your son, make sure Xhao has a bright future and a mum which he can be proud of."

Rita sat up and put the bottle down,

"You know about that too?"

"Yeah Theodin told me."

"And you okay with it?" I wasn't okay with it, I was angry, bitter and I was crumbling inside and I had been more than tempted by the wine, I wanted to chug it down my throat so badly but something deep inside me, kept saying,"Nolu hayi" and I listened.

"Yes, I mean no but I can't change what happened. I still love him, and he's all I've held onto for these past four-five years. Knowing I'd see him again kept me going, but I lost hope I'm not going to lie to you, part of me thought I wouldn't get out of that place alive but here I am, God being good. He is a light, when all other lights fail, it's why I don't care about what so and so thinks says or does but if I'm good with Him then I'm good with anyone.."

"You sound exactly like Theodin!" She said with a huge smile, like someone had turned on a light bulb life came back to her face.

"He saw something.. I couldn't even see in myself. It was like he looked at me and saw my future, he saw me educated, he saw me successful, he saw me thriving. He saw me whole even, when I was in a million pieces, no wallflower, please wallflower, Ree this, Ree that"

"He was like that with me too," I bit back a smile.

"Always mothering me... Theodin must have loved you hey...and you must have loved him Rita..."

"He did but there was always a piece of his love I could never have..." She took another huge gulp from the bottle of wine in her hand and another drag from her last cigarette that was now almost burning her lips.

"No matter how much I loved him, no matter how much I tried, there was always a but somewhere. A but Adelyne this, a but Adelyne that. He loved me, but he loved you way more than he ever could me. You could see it in his eyes, he loved me but our love always had a period somewhere where it would just stop. Where it would just end, and couldn't go any farther, his heart just wouldn't allow me to ever take your place. Not that I wanted him to, not that I didn't try either. I just wanted him to have a place for me too.. you know.. In that big heart of his because I couldn't help it. I just, I just loved him you know? He didn't have to act, do anything or perform I just loved him, more than anything. I loved him more I had ever loved anyone... I loved him with every ounce of.. of.."

"Your being." I said as she wiped off a handful of tears that were now dripping down her shoulders, I just stayed silent, I did not know what to do. I didn't want to comfort her, I just wanted to leave her be, I was hurting too. Everything she said was daggers, being dug into every memory I had of him.

"I hate crying... But It was you Adelyne, it was always you. No matter what I did, no matter how much I tried. I knew one day he'd go back for you.. and that first day when I saw him look at you, I saw this look in his eyes he had never looked at me with before. What I'd give for him, to look at me that way, at least once. I think my soul would've left my body. His eyes sparkled that day, they came alive they had this joy, this anticipation, he looked at you the way someone would look at home. After being away for a really long time and you'd sit down on the varander even if you were all by yourself, with a smile on your face and you'd say "yeah.. I'm home" even if you said it to yourself. I envied you and part of me, still envies you."

"I'm sorry..." I said as tears of my own formed in my eyes.

"For what?" I was emotional too, as much as I saw my pain. I looked at hers and I felt it.

"I don't know, I don't know what to say... For making you feel this way, ruining your life"

"You didn't ruin anything, I just chose wrong. I just love people, I can't have and that's okay because stuff it right? It's 4am in Macau!" Rita shouted from the top of her voice and laughed shaking of the tears.

"What a city! What a time to be ALIVE! Adelyne is it?" She shouted even louder.

"Shush! You're going to wake the kids"

"Yes mamá"

#iwrite #wattpadwriter #writblur #writblr #writing #writbelr #atheodinreedconfession #ifmichaelwasametophor #redalert #writeblr #writers #wattpadd

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helloworlddemo1122-yahoopar-blog · 7 years

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'KUWTK': Scott Disick Goes on Rampage After Hearing Kourtney Kardashian Is Dating: 'I've Been Really Present'

Scott Disick and Kourtney Kardashian's tumultuous relationship took center stage on Sunday's new Keeping Up With the Kardashians.

Despite Scott's best efforts to walk the straight and narrow path of sobriety in his attempt to win back his ex-girlfriend and the mother of his children, things still managed to go south, quickly.

As the episode opened, Scott was sitting down with Kourtney's sisters, Kim Kardashian West and Khloe Kardashian, and the trio talked about what their recent family trip to Aspen, Colorado, meant when it came to Scott's attempts to get back together with Kourtney.

"Kourtney and I have been spending a lot more time together, so I decided to take her and the kids to Aspen, and she agreed to go. So for me that's a big thing," Scott said in a solo interview with the KUWTK camera.

WATCH: Scott Disick Says He Proposed to Kourtney Kardashian, But They 'Got Scared' and 'Never Spoke About It Again'

Scott also explained to Kim and Khloe that their Aspen getaway was the "first trip in a long time where we actually were a family, and it got to feel like the old days."

Scott went on to explain that he's been trying to stay health and be an attentive father to their three kids -- Mason, 7, Penelope, 4, and Reign, 2.

"I've been really present and I haven't been drinking," Scott said. "A year or so ago, I feel like there was a point where we didn't even speak or see each other, so this is good."

As the episode progressed, Scott joined Kim for a trip to Dubai, where the 36-year-old mother of two attended a makeup conference, while Scott made a publicity appearance at the grand opening of the city's Sugar Factory.

The night before his appearance, Scott heard through a friend of a friend that Kourtney was out on a date with a guy back in Los Angeles, which caused him to go on a tailspin.

WATCH: Scott Disick Admits Kourtney Kardashian Still Turns Him On, Says He'll 'Never Be Over Her'

Speaking with her friends at lunch, Kim opened up about Scott's battle to stay sober and healthy in an attempt to be a better person, and how that battle is made much harder when he hears about Kourtney moving on with her love life.

"The thing is, he's trying to win her back…. He's been doing amazing for months," Kim said, referring to Scott's successful stint in rehab and his subsequent clean living. "He said to me, 'I'm not even doing this for her. I'm doing this for me. I'm going to stay the course.' He fully has said that to me three times."

However, it becomes clear that the news has hit Scott harder than anyone would have guessed.

"This is probably the worst thing I could ever hear, ever," Scott said in a solo interview after trying and failing to keep a smile on his face as he shook hands with fans at the Sugar Factor opening.

"I don't think she realized a friend of my saw her. Of course I called her and asked, and she blatantly lied to me. It was somewhat heartbreaking," Scott continued. " I just didn't see things going this direction. I feel like everything I've been working so hard for is kind of done now."

WATCH: Kourtney Kardashian Rides Roller Coaster With Ex Scott Disick While Celebrating 38th Birthday

After the event, one of his friends invited him out for a night of partying, which the clearly distraught Scott accepted with enthusiasm.

The next day, Kim got a text from the hotel security that Scott had gotten drunk, and was still tipsy by midday. Kim quickly texted Kourtney the news of Scott's relapse.

Speaking with Khloe later that day, Kourtney said she doesn't get why Scott is so hung up on her and her love life, since they've been broken up for nearly two years.

"For years I was trying to be supportive, but letting him know in the meantime -- while he's showing his consistency -- that I have to live my life and make myself happy," Kourtney explained. "He has to take responsibility for his own actions."

When Kim and her entourage stopped by Scott's place in the morning, one of her friends discovered a woman's purse in his living room, and Kim became obsessed with the chance to catch him with a woman in his room.

WATCH: Kim Kardashian Looks for a 'Tramp' in Scott Disick's Hotel Room in Drama-Filled 'KUWTK'

"Something came over me, I was like, 'He has a girl hiding somewhere and we're gonna find her,'" Kim said in a solo interview.

Quietly, as Kim and her crew stormed around Scott's large suite, he admitted to a producer that there was, in fact, a girl hiding in his place, adding "This is going to be really awkward."

As Scott and his crew tried to convince Kim that they should all just head out, she loudly shouted, "Or do you think we should go bang down the bathroom door and see if some f**king whore is in there?"

Kim slammed on the bathroom door and demanded the woman inside open the door. When she finally did, Kim had nothing but vitriol for her.

"What the f**k are you doing here? You're such a whore! You're such a tramp. Get your s**t and get the f**k out of here... security will escort you the f**k out of here," Kim yelled at the girl as she walked out.

But before more on the situation could be revealed, the infamous KUWTK "To Be Continued" title card came up, leaving fans to find out how Scott deals with this new development when the next episode of KUWTK airs next Sunday at 9 p.m. ET/PT on E!

WATCH: Kourtney Kardashian and Scott Disick Are 'Back At It Again With the Co-Parenting Skills' in Hawaii

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