#IM SO SAD THAT PPL FEEL LIKE THEY CAN'T LIKE THINGS

[hugogetspowerbottomed]

sometimes i wonder what the varigo fandom would be like if like the weird anon and like two fandom members hadn't run through it like a wrecking ball and made everyone scared to do anything here

[bl00dw1tch]

God. God. God. Holy fucking shit i love Avatar so fucking much

[mooodyblue]

tags again. ignore me 🥸

[monstrsball]

little brother is categorized as a silly adventure time song in my brain catalogue of adventure time songs but it's honestly so sweet. and as a youngest sibling makes me think of my brothers like "you were the first friend i ever had" like. they were huh. huh. cries.

[nightcolorz]

Going to vent to you because this seems like a safe space for Armand sympathizers lol…

LIKE obviously Armand is doing all the wrongs, he didn't have to agree to literally any of this, blah blah etc etc BUT GIRL. if the guy i had been casually dating for two years because he had great benefits one day revealed to me that he was a child sex slave, the thing i would not do is be like 'wow, i guess what you're secretly saying is you want me to turn our relationship into an unnegotiated 24/7 TPE huh'.

And then when he came to me in a panic to tell me his life is falling apart and his employees are plotting to kill him and his protection isn't going to last much longer and i should flee the country for my own safety because he's the most vulnerable he's ever been since the time he was abducted by the crazy torture cult, the thing i absolutely would not do at that moment is surprise him by introducing that dynamic into our relationship completely out of nowhere and then order him to stay right here because I've got a totally cool plan to outmanipulate his enemies and I'll be his master now :)

And then I orchestrate a series of hot public encounters where i blur the lines of being angry and disgusted with him right up against ignoring the boundaries he sets and telling him to do whatever i want wherever i want. and because i never bothered to ask him, i don't know if he's genuinely into it or if it's because i've weaponised his trauma when he's feeling unstable, but like, he's the one who manipulated me into doing this anyway by telling me his sad backstory, so actually i'm the victim here??

AND THEN when I tell him my awesome idea of turning a nazi collaborator into a human eating monster machine and I want him to do it even though he is clearly revulsed by this idea from every angle, I'll berate him endlessly for refusing and be annoyed with him because by saying no he's making me turn her and that's not cool bro, and when he begs me not to do it, or at least not to tell him because it's breaking the rules and he's vulnerable to the machinations of the coven rn, I'll shut him up with my dom routine, and then tell him to come watch because he'll realize he does actually want it after he does it.

and when he asks me whether this is a genuine invitation in this moment or if I'm ordering him to do it and will be upset if he doesn't, I'll be so hurt and angry with him because wow, I can't believe after months of using my nonconsensual game of acting like his childhood master to get him to do things for me, he's acting like I'd use my nonconsensual game of pretending to be his childhood master against him, fuck you for trying to manipulate me right now you worthless piece of shit </3.

like even daniel, the most neutral and ethical judge of whether it's okay to make someone a vampire, can tell the only reason he'd set his one boundary at murdering and cursing another human being for eternity is because it's not hot or convenient, and not because of 500 years of witnessing the most insane vampire maker shenanigans known to Europe.

and then the entire audience claps because honestly i'm just trying so hard and my boyfriend just keeps fucking it all up for me and taking away my choices. literally what else could i have done in this situation :(

AHHHH ANON U ATE THIS UP ‼️🙏 and Yes this is absolutely THE safe place for Armand sympathizers!! I am the Armand sympathizer king and u have just brought me an Armand sympathizer gift lined with gold and jewels and placed it in front of my thrown and I’m knighting u Armand sympathizer general as I bow before u

ur so right and it’s actually so crazy to me that this isn’t a more popular take. it’s insane to me bcus im remembering how seriously this fandom was taking Claudia’s s1 sexual assault and how sensitively it was being discussed and now these same ppl r insisting that it’s unfair to “demonize” Louis for preforming non consensual bdsm with a csa victim without any safe word or prior discussion specifically because he told him about his csa and Louis found a chance to leverage control in this relationship. I saw someone insisting that it’s ridiculous to interpret Louis as sexually exploitative for being a pimp because he was a nice pimp and he was self aware about how pimping was bad and like ??? 😭😭 how do I even argue with that, that is just so absurd I’m lost for words. No guys he was one of the good pimps because he “didnt take advantage of his position” (😭⁉️) and he knew that it was wrong to sexually exploit vulnerable women and just chose to do it anyway so see it wasn’t that bad. And because Louis knows sexual abuse is wrong and chooses to do it anyway despite this he clearly isn’t mirroring the sexual abuse Armand experienced in his non consensual power play dynamic with him because uh yeah he wouldn’t do that ig 😭. It’s not like Louis canonically is capable of using sexual exploitation to manipulate people’s vulnerabilities for his stability and gain. Like guys book Louis also felt guilty for being a slave owner and knew it was wrong 😭😭 am I gonna hear “it’s unfair to say Louis being a slave owner was indicative of his negative traits cuz he felt bad about it” come out of ur mouths 😭⁉️cuz oh my god I hope not 😭 “Louis was only a pimp because pimping was his way of keeping his family afloat and asserting the masculine identity he felt obligated to preform for his safety” and he is doing the same thing with Armand guys obviously??!! He is taking advantage of armand’s history of sexual abuse to keep himself safe from vulnerability with the coven and to assert his masculine identity as a shield like 😭 and that doesn’t stop what he’s doing from being wrong like no fucking shit. He’s a complex character and his actions come from a place of fear and not straight forward evil, but that doesn’t mean u have to defend literal sexual abuse to analyze that and to enjoy Louis as ur favorite character 😭 I keep saying this but louis is a great character and there’s nothing wrong with him being ur fav but it is pretty mf weird to insist that everything he does is ok when things that he do include like, non consent 😭

I feel ur annoyances so hard anon, it’s driving me a lil crazy rn cuz in s2 ep6’s wake i have barely seen anyone discuss the Louis fucking Armand in the coffin scene like it was pretty shitty and abusive and not like, non complexly hot and fun and nothing else. Like, Armand has been panicking for a while and insisting to Louis that he is loosing respect from the coven and therefore his control and he’s in danger because of it, and Louis decides to stroll into Armand’s office unannounced, demand he strip for him immediately, demand again without any room for argument when Armand says he can’t, and then fuck Armand in view and ear shot of the whole coven in a degrading power assertion that Louis knows will put Armand in even more of a vulnerable and compromising position, like ?? I get it read the pages to me while I fuck u was pretty hot but omg can we talk about this with some nuance 😭⁉️ this is possibly the most overt instance of Louis not asking, *demanding* that Armand sexually submit and preform for him specifically as a grab to assert dominance over the coven. And Armand of course won’t say no, he’s been quite literally trained to believe that he has services that people r entitled to take from him at any time because he’s a product to be used. He also believes that saying no is not an option because submitting to the master will keep him safe, and Louis I think knows this to an extent and knows that taking advantage of this will help him stay afloat. I believe that this scene was a significant contributor to Armand deciding to betray Louis, because Louis’s actions *do* put him in danger with the coven and cause him to loose his position of power (Santiago mocking him for getting fucked by Louis cough cough). And Armand at this point is realizing, I can choose to be in a relationship with Louis that is causing my sense of stability and safety to fall apart, or I can choose to regain my position of power by forgoing Louis and getting to retain my safety. When u think about it like that it makes perfect sense for him to do that 😭 and I’m tired of seeing takes treating Armand like he’s a sneaky little snake and not a cornered animal

on the subject of Daniel because u mentioned him at the end there, oh my god it has pissed me off since the beginning how a lot of people act like Daniel is the embodiment of the neutral, unbiased correct word of god figure who is just telling the audience how it really is. Like?? No??? 😭😭 Daniel is a shitty journalist and a shitty person, he’s borderline racist and ignorant, he is not looking to expand his perspective or approach his subjects with any empathy or nuance because he decided going in that he hates them and they r bad, which is like?? Defeats the entire purpose of the affective journalism that he is trying to preform 😭😭 He is NOT the guy u should be getting ur takes from, he is a character like any other, he is not a source for correct analysis or meta or unfiltered truth.

But anyways lol, not to be personal and vulnerable in the gay vampire sex tv show post but it’s rlly disheartening for me to witness this blatant excusing and downplaying of a sexually abusive dynamic as someone who has experienced a very similar type of “but was it technicallyyy non consensual though..?” Sexual abuse. Like guys pls 😭🙏 I thought that “bdsm dynamic that merges with actual, genuine grabs for control and blurs the line between fun sex and real demands or anger” was like considered unambiguously bad? 😭 There asses do NOT have a safe word. In conclusion anon u r everything to me and everyone else um USE UR BRAIN🔥🔥🔥🔥

thank u sm for the ask OMGG ur so well spoken and correct and I enjoyed reading ur ask so so much

[vvh0adie]

watching my friends leave tumblr is really sad

you literally can't win

at this point the writer's strike should just be a cultural movement

like ppl are writing for FREE and you're complaining about turn out rate and shit

we have lives and some of us (HELL ALL OF US) have some form of mental illness, so we can't be fucking cogs all day and churn out fics.

writing is suppose to be therapeutic and writers want to share that with you to ease the tension of this hellscape we live in

but some of these readers and even fellow writers are taking it too far with the bullying

like its mean and nasty. you don't know what someone is going thru.

instead of asking for updates how about check and see if your writer is mentally stable to do so. that right there is a booster, to have someone say "are you okay?"

and then the whole accusations of favoring a certain member/character. if that person is my muse or safe space then of course imma write for them. most solo writers i see don't even talk bad about other people. its a SOLO account. think of it as a shrine blog of writing if that helps. they're not there to trash, just share their writing for other's who might also share the same muse.

then you have readers who can't separate fiction from reality. just because someone writes a character with irl people faceclaimed onto them doesnt mean they actually think that person would be or do those things irl. i'll be the first to say that i only gave my characters bts faces cuz thats who im attracted to and they're who i imagine would be casted to play my characters.

then IN THE YEAR OF 2023 we still have ppl making fun of their peers writing and also THE FACT THAT ENGLISH MIGHT NOT BE THEIR FIRST LANGUAGE? that's nasty asf. majority of us dont even speak 'proper' english as our first language no way. you only shooting yourself in the foot. don't act like you dont have beta readers... like what are yall on?

and anybody who gets on THAT BLOG behind anon is an opp. not just to the writing community but in how you interact with the world all together. yall don't know how to talk to people anymore? it may have started as a place for critique and accountability but no one is bringing receipts or critical thinking anymore. its mainly for drama and not rehabilitation. yall serious scare me in how we'd see the reality of social change applied to the real world. like i'd be more scared to let yall around the prisoners with minor offenses cuz yall act like its the end of the world and that change cant happen. yall give nobody room to change ignorant stances but ignore the real egregious shit because you honestly dont have the bandwidth to take on actual fascist views.

also the plagiarism has got to stop too. if you need writing resources just ask. but practice makes perfect. so you're gonna have to write yourself. you may not like your writers voice but you will feel shitty in the long run when you don't feel like its you putting those words on the paper. it literally just prolongs your inferiority. make something you're proud of and don't hurt your fellow writers. we went thru the process just like you. we earned it. and most of us aren't gatekeepers, we will help you.

like its really tuff being on here sometimes. cuz if you not being hounded by readers its your own community praying on your down fall.

we have to do better.

[kroosluvr]

hi!! as a fellow royal trio-truther ive been ADORING and loving your posts so much <3 you mentioned that you've like mentally re-wired shusumi so i was curious if you had a list of head-canons for how they develop in the game/post-game!! Im super curious to hear (: also any head-canons for the akesumi dynamic would be great bc I hate how little the game developed them together !!!

OMGGGGGGGGG HAYYYYYYYYYY ok so. first. look at this (idr if i posted this here already but if i did look again heh..)

ok now ill actually talk under the cut

note that some of this is headcanon territory bc i just be frolicking at this point

some backstory i fell in love w sumi as soon as her art was revealed i was like omfg peak design PEAKKKKKK i love her so much so i was really excited abt her but i feel like there were so many loose ends w her confidant and namely her crush on protag sometimes doing her a disservice (it turned ppl off from her (understandable bc i also dislike when writers make a female character out to be dependent on a male character) but also made other ppl weird abt her in the same breath....... shivers. people who overly-romanticize/sexualize mentally ill characters (especially girls/women) freak me out sorry

anyway that put me off frm p5 fandom for a hot minute. BUT regardless. i think people often focus on like "shy cute sadgirl kouhai crush-on-protag" for her which on top of atlus's.......mediocre handling of her also does her character a disservice... shes so multilayered!! she houses such insane convoluted levels of distress and fear and anger and reluctance and most of all STUBBORNNESS. i think her headstrong personality is not really emphasized in fandom but i can totally see it (maybe its just me but).

ok moving on to my shsm delusions i think to turn sumire's canon crush on its head i want to make them doomed to never get together. i think 3rd semester is so tense and high-emotion that royal trio are so deeply intertwined w each other:

like they all are mildly-to-a-lot suicidal so they hold onto each other so tightly to make sure none of them spirals and does anything bad. i think in the end they just want the other two to be Okay, even if they themself doesn't. if the other two are ok, then it's all good.

ok back to shsm LMAO i think seeing their relationship as like an odd high-emotion situation makes sense. they love each other, obviously, and provide each other comfort, but the idea of a relationship slips thru their fingers like water. is that right...? is that how it is? like i said up there they just crumble under the weight of their own love. tldr theyre in no place to "date" each other........ but they have their "almost." they're inseparable, they love spending time with each other, but knowing in the back of their heads that it won't last, and they'll have to leave it be one day. "sometimes when i really love someone i leave them alone forever." peak shsm to me. "let's run away together - but what if it's not enough? what if all of this fear and sadness still stays? i take a man down to the river and he throws away his sadness but hes still left with his hands, he's still left with the river (paraphrased richard siken). peak shsm to me. i think they try to treat eachother so softly and gently that it fucks it all up, actually. peak shsm to me. it's not codependency in the sense that theyre not trying to save each other - they're just trying to salvage out some love from it all. all of these terrible things that happened: there's still love, right? there's still love. but the pain can't all be sifted out, and everything still hurts. but they still love. (they just don't date or even talk to each other much after graduating and i think they talk to akechi but to each other its suddenly COMPLICATED. i hate these guys)

ironically i think if you throw akechi in the mix it stabilizes out and i think shuakesumi could totally have a happy married ending. but shsm as a pair i dont see endgame for them. peak for me is that theyre in love and then they spend the rest of their lives trying to forget each other (they don't)

(If this sounds ridiculous and stupid im sorry. i just like shoving too-many-emotions onto my favs sometimes (a lot of the time))

IN REGARDS TO AKESUMI i think my latest 2 comics describe how i feel abt them pretty well!!! link 1 and link 2. actually i think akesumi's friendship is a great way for me to explore how i see/portray/feel about sumire, because i see them as way more similar than the game pays attention to. they're both stuck in their ways: sumire in her cowardice, hiding from the incident and refusing to move on, and akechi entrenched in his own traumas and feeling like he doesn't deserve more than that. their self-hatred manifests in two opposite ways but its very similar at the core. they both like. have no fucking clue what they're doing in terms of handling their pasts so that's why i think them working together to get around their own respective traumas is so fascinating: akechi is terrible at it, pushing sumire too far, but at the same time that perspective is something that she needs. meanwhile, her sensitive and observant personality shows akechi that like, you can have This too: a soft, good love. to have someone care about you unconditionally, so gently. you deserve that, too. yeah i can explode my head off now

i did not proofread this.

[bonefall]

I’m not sure if you talked about it, but what do you think about A Thief in Thunderclan? I actually liked it, though it definitely had a few ehhh moments

Eh, honestly? Im kinda disappointed that James Barry had to go out on such a low note. I did not like it, it felt like a waste of time.

It wasn't like... offensively bad but I have very little good to say about it. It was fine. If you want to see more ThunderClan you can check it out?

(A lot of Thief in ThunderClan critique below the cut, I didn't like it much)

First of all, the mystery was just bad. I'm sorry. An owl? Swooping in at night for dead animals and leaving perfect scores in the dirt? It felt like a real "running out of ideas" type plot.

Brightheart was NOT fun to follow. She was uncomfortable for most of the story and secondhand embarassment is an emotion I really don't enjoy. Even moments that were supposed to be thought-provoking (like the Brambleclaw name confrontation) just felt like cringe because they were written so poorly.

Like, seriously? "Firestar why did you name Bramble after his father who disfigured me?" "Oh its because i uhhhh wanted to remind ppl of it so they would stop being reminded of it eventually" WHAT? That was a brainless enough choice when it was FIRST made, you can't fucking tell me any cat with a brain cell would go "wao... really makes you think... hngsociety"

I disliked the fact they decided to give Brightheart serious suspicion towards people like Longtail and Brambleclaw, I strongly disagree she would be like that. She feels so much to me like someone who would feel awful for doubting people she logically knows are innocent, and express to Cloudtail that it makes her feel like a bad person, but she CANT help it. She is such a kind, loving, and self doubting sort of cat... or, was, I guess? Or maybe it was never there at all and I'm the fool.

On that note? Her character arc was a mess. As much as I hate Shadow in RiverClan, I can say that Feathertail's arc was a competent *story*. Brightheart is having nightmares, suspects Bramble and Long of treason, is trying to figure out this mystery, trying to help train Rainpaw, the fact she resents not being his mentor is mentioned and dropped, she is pregnant... so much shit is going on and it feels absolutely unfocused.

And even worse, because it's overlapping with the beginning of Firestar's Quest, we end up having to Show Off The Continuity instead of telling a cohesive story. Oop Willowpelt died and Rainpaw is kind of sad about it! But wait we have to say bye to Firestar, make sure to squeeze in the Brambleclaw name confrontation before he goes! GO BACK Longtail has been blinded!! ALSO THE OWL! HERES WHY THE OWL WASNT MENTIONED IN FQ!!

And DUDE if there's anything that's a SERIOUS problem, it's Brightheart's stupid ass cutesy "look who's being USEFUL in here!" When blinded Longtail is helping out in the medcat den

First of all fuck you for the wording of that line! Second of all, GET IT THROUGH YOUR HEAD that disabled people shouldn't have to find a way to be "useful" to belong to their society.

The fact we're getting a book from Bright's perspective as a disabled person and the whole thing is chock full of "useful" language as she struggles with PTSD makes the fact this is COMMON in WC sting so much more.

Anyway back to just, normal critique and not frustration with ableism in wc.

I feel like they really wasted Brightheart's family. I enjoyed finally getting Cinder and Bright hanging out as sisters, but we got a MENTION of Frostfur, and barely anything with her brothers. It's already a mess so why not go the whole way?

Ashfur also has his post-TBC personality retcon which absolutely kills me. Why do we need this shitty "foreshadowing"? Why do we need him to have been so obviously controlling and argumentative? Why are these writers fucking allergic to having a villain that people thought was nice and normal once?

NITPICK: if i have to see another cat gently picked up by a large bird of prey without at LEAST getting a cracked rib I will shapeshift into 10,000 crows and fly away forever

I have some good feelings towards it though, and I have to be clear, this is actually Ambivalent Bones. I'm only mad at the "Usefulness" rhetoric, the rest is just my normal amount of whinging lmao.

I do really like Cinderpelt and Brightheart finally getting some interactions. It's long overdo lmao

I like Cloudtail and Brightheart as a ship so it's nice to see them hang out.

Uhhh this is a bit of a backhanded compliment but I liked how she was upset at not getting one of Whitestorm's children to mentor? I don't like how it bodes for the wider narrative though, because we know this ends in her getting shafted FOR YEARS and unable to get an apprentice. But I liked the plot setup of her having resentment for Cloudtail because of this. I thought that would make a really good plot point for putting a wedge between them to work through. Like, stop being cowards, LEAN INTO Firestar making some very serious, insulting, short-sighted mistakes, and it interfering with Brightheart's ability to heal. Kill your darling.

There were some nice lines. I do remember Ashfur's lame "greedyclaw" insult, which was funny.

I enjoyed the cute moments between the cats in ThunderClan. Ferncloud chasing after her kids, Brightheart convincing people to help her investigate, the Willowkin being upset about their mom. It's a mess but there's some nice stuff in that mess, y'know?

Overall, my memory hasn't been kind to it. I think I was giving it a 6/10 when I first saw it, but it's dropped down to a low 5/10. Not (very) offensive but too messy and pointless to revisit.

[yuukei-yikes]

care for my kagepro au inspired by phineas and ferb across the 2nd dimension where they hang out in a dark undisclosed location and they all have knives

this is extremely over the top and supposed to be funny btw. ayano's plot hole plan that makes no sense doesn't work but from another angle. she gets spit back from the daze in the same way it doesn't make sense for her to stay in there and she's still in THE AIR FROM JUMPING so erm she shatters a leg and maybe her spine too. fun times. she walks with a limp now

ayano in the daze's like. but i wanted this -> i deserved this -> im guilty i got what i wanted though -> i deserve punishment -> this IS punishment -> but i wanted this (restart) SO in this scenario where she survived she's still struggling with guilt because she DARED try to take the easy way out when she knew her siblings needed her. so now she's edgelord I must protect my siblings i dont deserve my cape (edgily puts scarf away) also the eyepatch is for extra edgelord vibes but i think it'd be cool if she can't control favoring because she's so all over the place so it's always active, and since she feels so much regret she can only project that one memory of her jumping to ppl. sad. so she covers it for the sake of everyone.

because of ayano's survival it's evident kenjirou is posessed so ayano+mekatrio move out immediately and are in actual hiding from him. that's why they're at undisclosed location. seto brings mary with them. so ayano's like ok, saeru wants all the snakes together, they're all gonna gather anyway it's better to have them all in one place and have eyes on them. so she starts the gathering process herself. in this saeru is extremely just Out There cartoonishly taking over the city style i told you this is based on phineas and ferb. i told you. btw the joke is that it's insanely over the top. i just find it episodic and joyful.

also ayano's cold to shintaro because she can't afford to have her feelings for him distract her, she has no right to normal teenage girl feelings like a CRUSH. but shintaro still believes kano as ayano saying IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT was the real ayano which matches with her new behaviour towards him so he's extremely pathetic about it. he's with her through her entire recovery and becomes her right hand man which the trio HAAATE bc ayano doesn't let them do anything but shintaro can always come<3 their missions go from buying groceries to saving haruka and takane from the evil lab to kidnapping hibiya and hiyori. shit like that.

they get hibiya and hiyori and it's their BIGGEST PRIORITY to protect them because they're saeru's next target and if they can avoid having all snakes out it's by making sure these 2 stay alive. erm they don't wanna be there though. it's dark in here and you're all weird as hell. momo is tasked with babysitting them. she's not happy about it.

momo never gets her money controlled, dropped out from school since day 1 and the fame got to her head so she's kinda awful. she's the only one allowed out of wherever the fuck they are because of work she's literally the one paying 4 everything. toxic yuri situation with kido who has one side of their head shaved. you know how it goes. also kido acts rly tough like they're out there killing thugs and goons but mostly they just make food

takane is the medic in the same way barbers used to be surgeons in the middle age which means everyone tries really hard not to get hurt so they don't have to go to her. also saeru's whole Experiments on haruka and takane thing is a lot more evil and ermmm she has one less leg and she's permanently connected to a reactor thing of sorts so she's also the team's tech! woohoo!! it's unknown whether she got opening eyes or not because she has no idea how to activate it which makes ayano rly frustrated. same goes for haruka who has not woken up since aug 15. which is the main reason takane started watching youtube tutorials on medicine. get you a girl who will take care of you if you're in a coma and there is no access to a hospital.

seto and mary wield weapons for one reason or another. kano is extremely guilty about shintaro's guilt but also hates him more than ever bc ayano won't trust him anymore and now shintaro's the one knowing everything. probably some doomed yaoi in there somewhere. this is my evil kagepro au

[zeephyre]

CR3 EPISODE 78 SPOILERS

god. i love this fucking campaign. this one's gonna be long as shit.

despite how genuinely depressing this episode was, it also made me really giddy because i love hurt/comfort and there's no point of that if there's no hurt or angst.

im probably gonna go down the line with each member of bells hells, discussing what i can remember off the top of my head, i hope i don't forget anything in my rambles cause this was one of my FAVORITE episodes of the whole campaign and that's saying something.

i love ashton. i have loved ashton the most since the very beginning and for a lot of it i was really worried that ashton was deliberating running from opening up with bells hells while also going out of their way to have one-to-one convos with different members that were deep and insightful but never went as far as they needed to.

i am projecting a bit with analysis of ashton but taliesin does it best when rp'ing for ash and generally talking abt him in interviews. ashton reminds me of myself, which is not a compliment and is actually really terrible. ironically enough, ashton said the same thing abt fcg. i have spent a lot of time hurting myself by sabotaging the things i love, or embracing the worse parts of myself simply because it's become habit. there's always going to be a piece of you that finds the sadness, anger, guilt, emptiness, whatever -- comforting because it's all you've known.

ashton mourns a life that he never lived. i find myself mourning versions of myself that i would hate but still...yearn for them like an itch or an ache that comes from hurt. ashton wanted their family back, in whatever desperate, corrupted way he felt he should have done it, and hearing how he described feeling like he looked past the cautionary tale simply because he thought the pain they caused him should have meant something else made me think of imogen.

beautiful, sweet, powerful, dangerous, sad imogen temult. i won't comment on how everyone berated ashton because that's not really surprising nor was anything imogen said or did pertaining to ash shocking whatsoever. but... there's smth abt the destruction that ashton did to feel close to the idea of a family that doesn't really exist that just parallels so well with the fight that imogen has been undergoing since childhood. against the red storm, now against the call of ruidus, and the temptation and attachment she felt and still feels to her mother, despite everything liliana has done that jeopardizes everything imogen is fighting for.

abandoned by her mother, shunned by her own town, ignored and feared by her father.

going back to ashton again, there's smth to be said abt the guilt and shame that comes from making horrible choices that put yourself and the ppl you love in danger that forever changes the way they perceive you. I've done it. i had to fight to make things better. it can't be enough to love someone enough that would die for them, you have to fight to stay alive. if not even for yourself, for THEM.

i know it can be unhealthy to rely on others so much, but it's certainly not easy to fight for yourself when the foundation isn't there. learning how to love without throwing yourself on a blade is more important than self sufficiency. that comes afterwards.

i...don't like laudna's reliance on delilah briarwood this episode. i... there's smth very ironic about laudna being worried abt ashton's betrayal and the way he hurt her and the others with his deception and selfishness, coupled with my understanding of the absolute fucking insane, borderline stupid danger of even SPEAKING to delilah briarwood, let alone working WITH her.

i think it's hypocritical, but i don't feel any animosity towards laudna. just..sadness. delilah is a parasite. a disgusting, cruel, evil bitch who wants laudna to be... that weak little girl easily crushed under her thumb. she may preach abt laudna's latent power and potential, but laudna won't serve her purpose if she TRULY gains the strength to cast delilah aside forever. i don't think delilah was telling the truth abt their fates last episode, and that's why i so deeply want laudna to toss aside that defeatist mindset that has only gotten worse since episode one. maybe im wrong, maybe delilah was actually being genuine.

i kept watching imogens/laura's face during laudna's moments speaking with delilah alone, and it just made me sad because she didn't need to be alone. she had imogen, but she still felt the need to run and hide away. god i just want her to be happy.

i really liked the doll she made for ashton, even though delilah made it really creepy for no reason, the dramatic cunt she is. her assessment of ashton as being a child may seem rude or even a projection but to me it's the truth. ashton has not grown past his childhood. past abandonment and pain and mistrust and love that never lasts and always hurts. that shit followed them to adulthood and anyone who has any number of mental illnesses and childhood trauma will tell you that it's so easy to feel yourself stuck as a reactive, stubborn, bitter little kid trapped in a shitty cycle of pain. both ashton and laudna this episode felt like they were both broken, sad children interacting. laudna clinging to comfort from delilah, hiding away, mentally reverting to the person she was the last time she was in whitestone. ashton, clinging to his lost childhood and the acceptance of laudna's doll, the admittance that they'd never had a doll before. god... they're so sad, im gonna scream.

fcg apologizing for forcing faith down ashtons throat was sweet and so was ashton apologizing for being so bitter abt fcg's faith. now i just need fcg to apologize for the multiple instances where he put laudna in danger by casting turn undead with no acknowledgement of laudna afterwards.

fcg saying that ashton didn't love anyone or care about anyone hurt me a bit, because while i understood why they were saying those things, it was so... obviously untrue. before all of this, ashton has shown again and again and again how much he loves bells hells, and especially fcg. i know that ashton almost dying over smth so arrogant, desperate and foolish would make anyone question what someone's idea of "love" is, but still. it stung. maybe because i have been there. i know what it's like to be doubted and mistrusted because you ruined smth good callously and carelessly.

chetney... chetney really loves fearne. i don't care if y'all don't get it or if y'all still think chet is some joke character with no substance, I never understood that shit and i simply never will. chet and fearne probably have the best relationship in all of bells' hells -- and yes, that includes imogen and laudna because god knows those two have shit brewing under the surface that needs to be HANDLED, i.e: laudna being defeatist abt their relationship even tho it's barely begun.

chetney's a good man. him going after fearne was the best choice and im glad he gave her a couple laughs before she went off to wander. he cares about her so much, and he BELIEVES in her so much, and i love them. i LOVED the way he went in on ashton. hurting fearne by making a shitty decision and letting her bear the burden of watching ashton die right in front of her was... bad. it is very complicated but, that's pretty cut and dry.

i like him testing ashton again and again. telling him to leave but also being glad they chose to be brave and stay, and face the consequences of their actions. attacking ashton to see what all of any of that shit was even for. (im a little bummed that the shard didn't fully wake up yet but...i love the suspense im just impatient).

FEARNE. CALLOWAY. i love fearne, and i love the breakdown during the first part of the episode. it was such a raw moment and it established the tone of the episode so quickly. im glad that fearne knows that while ashton fucked up royally, her rejecting of the shard and complacence in ashton's plans was also royally stupid. i don't think her being terrified of taking the shard is bad or stupid, it's actually one of my favorite fearne character choices. no one ever actually asked her WHY she didn't want it, and when she said she didn't want it, it was still decided by the hells that the shard would go to fearne. (they're very shit at communication, poor babies). im happy that she specifically clarified that ashton did not threaten or manipulate her (plus he gave her many opportunities to not be involved with his bullshit if it made her uncomfy so im hoping the insane critters who keep treating ashton like some evil, predatory person finally stfu).

fearne being so scared of a version of herself that was sad, lonely, and "evil" to the point that she chose to believe that it was ashton's destiny to take in both shards is so... so rich. i hope she talks about that more in the next episode because i don't think she's EVER brought it up since exu. i don't think the shard would change fearne's personality but god the fact that SHE is so afraid of herself and what she's capable of.... AHHHH. love this damn party.

i hope liam knows that expect really painful roleplaying from him when he comes back cause i really do need ashton and orym interactions like i need air.

the choice to go to the fey realm was brilliant and i missed nana morri so it's a win for me. bells hells COULD have done what they've been doing for a while now, which is ignoring the pain they're all feeling and pushing forward, but ashton doing what they did was the straw that broke the camel's back and im GLAD because i have been begging them all to have real conversations with each other that don't get cut short prematurely for whatever reason.

i do hope that they do really lean into the self care aspect involving therapy and talking through their issues with ALL of the members present or even in groups, and it isn't just fun and games. they're prone to distraction. i love my little guys.

:( two weeks without bells hells. is it thursday, yet???

[polyamorousmood]

hi! i'd love to get some sympathy/advice/etc from other ppl about this. so long story short my girlfriend (wonderful amazing great i am so happy with her) has a boyfriend, and i at first their rs was meant to be ephemeral, but then things changed and they realized they could make a longform commitment work out, so they tried! problem is, during the trial run, the guy realized poly wasnt working for him and he failed to communicate this well, so it caused a situation where he was very much just fishing for my partner to get in a closed rs with him. when she expressed how hurtful and wrong that was, he apologized and changed his behavior and after some more various ups and downs we've now settled into a pretty good situation where he's giving polyamory a serious try and seems sincerely committed to making it good! i trust my gf wholeheartedly and i want nothing but the best for them both, and for that brief period of time where it was ok we even had 3person dates and really special interactions, so i came to sincerely like guy a decent bit and i am cautiously but sincerely optimistic. however, by having to admit shit to himself, he's now of the mind that he'd like a much more segmented-off rs with my partner, which is fine, but also the resentment he felt towards not being able to have my gf all to himself made him lose his positive feelings towards me and now he expresses a (his words) 'goodwilled indifference' and we havent even Talked since he tried to effectively ultimatum my gf out of being poly. and that is just SO hurtful when i know i did absolutely nothing wrong to warrant the loss of what i felt was a genuinely precious and positive connection, and like, the first time ive had the chance to have a metamour! like as someone who really cares about learning how to admit fault i really cannot stress enough how much i didnt do jack shit here i was just vibing and trying to be nice and now it's just this sad thing i have to deal with. i know it has everything to do with his own preferences and insecurities and nothing to do with me, but i still feel a big child-like sense of betrayal and injustice and it makes me want to be mean and bitter and defensive ("well if you dont give a shit about me and wanna pretend i don't exist, then im gonna do the same! how do you like that, huh?" type beat). i know those feelings are to be worked with and worked through instead of acted upon, but it's still hard :-( i dont really miss *him*, really, i just miss not being in a polycule that has a member who struggles so much with polyamory. and though i trust her deeply, i am still sad and worried that this is a precarious situation that can end up hurting my partner and hampering her ability to feel free and happy in polyamory, which only adds to my mistrusting of the guy. anyone else in a similar situation, havin' to work with a poly-newbie metamour or something similar? im not crazy for getting bad vibes, despite my best hopes for them? thank you either way, i dont know enough poly people irl and ive been bursting with this shit for a bit so it helps even to just ramble it out

Yeah, I've been in similar places. Just putting the read more immediately because I don't have a good pithy introduction. But uh, TL;DRI guess? 🤷‍♀️: its totally fair for you to struggle with some negative feelings. But you are still in it together (even if he's pretending you don't exist) and the only way to the other side is through.

Its shitty, its exhausting, its infuriating. And it's all the more frustrating that you like... don't even WANT to be mad at him cause he DID apologize and now he IS trying to change the shitty parts, so you WANT to encourage that. Feels very

And it puts your mutual partner in the tough spot of having to balance⚖️ things between you two if he's unwilling to talk to you. And like, you're stuck waiting for him to come around, you can't even really DO anything, its all on HIM to prove he's not going to be an asshole forever.

And you kinda resent him for causing this much trouble basically all on his own! And then thinking he can still get all the good shit after stirring the pot! Like he tried to break you up and now you have to be the bigger person?? What kinda bullshit--

Fucking. Sucks.

I do have some advice, though as with most things, its not magic 🪄

🤬Be mad for a little bit! Allow yourself to feel it. You're not gonna wallow 🐖there, but let it hit you full force how much you dislike being in this bullshit situation. Maybe have a cry about it or throw some darts at his picture 🎯. Then, and only then,

Set it aside. Set the anger aside in your mind, set the situation aside in your discussions. Say "yup, sucks. Moving on..." and enjoy the good parts of your life.

As part of that, remember polyamory is a big ask for people who've never done it before. Him even just politely ignoring you is likely, in his mind, him compromising on everything he's believed in for years and the fundamentals of what his life will look like. That's a big deal. It's hard to do after there was previously a higher standard set, but try to give him some credit for that anyway. (Again. You are probably going to have to Be Mad first to be able to do this. That's okay. Don't skip ahead.)

I don't think having approximately the same attitude back is necessarily a bad strategy. Maybe don't do it with the petulance you presented in the ask 😝 but if you're able to just gently, non-judgmentally accept neutrality as a mode of operating with him... might save you a lot of trouble honestly🤷. Warmth is great and all, but I think it runs the risk of you burning out and feeling greater resentment down the line if it stays one sided (but you know yourself better than I do, so if you can handle it, power to you).

Know your feelings about this really well. Know what you're good with 👍, know what bothers you but you're willing to do for the good of the polycule😖, and know what really upsets you👎. Is this something you can make work long term? What changes would you need to have it work long term (including progress from him, accommodations from your partner, etc)?

Consider confronting him directly. You'll know better if that's actually a good idea in this situation than I will, but consider it. It may help you move past things to air your feelings, it may help him understand you better and vice versa, and it may lay the groundwork for a more functional relationship down the line. I must admit bias here. It is VERY important to me that things can be relaxed with my metas. The idea of refusing to engage with me feels like they're refusing to engage with the very concept of polyamory, and I that cannot work in my life - like, I run a poly blog you can guess how I value polyamory 😂 If you can be comfortable with something closer to parallel polyamory, this may be unnecessary.

And of course, through all of this, you have to talk to your partner. All of it. If you have a tendency to martyr yourself so as not to stress your partner out, overpower that tendency for this one. You are NOT doing your partner any favors by doing bottling it up. 🍾

For example, earlier I said your partner is going to have to balance things between you and your meta. It may be tempting to think you can spare her some of that by shrinking your feelings and needs, so maybe you'll just bite your tongue. However, she has to do the work anyway, and forcing her to work with incomplete information actually makes the balancing that much harder. While you shouldn't harp on them about it, she should know where you're at in all this. You owe your partner the ability to make informed decisions, and your happiness and ability to sustain a certain set-up is going to be an important factor to them! Tell them your misgivings, tell them if its going to take you some time to forgive him his bullshit, tell them if you are okay with something in the short term but don't know if you can spring it long term, tell them if you need a break from thinking about the whole damn situation. (And of course, as always, tell your partner when something feels good or is going well 😊)

It can be recovered. It will require patience. Hang in there. 🤗 I admire your commitment to figuring it out, and it sounds like you have a splendid partner who is just as committed to making it workable. I'm rooting for you all 💙💖🖤

[ava-du-mortain]

sad rambling vent post about my relationship with the wayhaven fandom.

i think a lot abt how fandom ruined my relationship with wayhaven bc it's my comfort media but i feel so paranoid interacting with literally every single person in the fandom because of the shit i dealt with and i know i have talked about this before and you're probably like "damn bitch go to therapy or shut up"

but idk sometimes i remember that and i get sad because no matter what relationships I've made in fandom or the people i think are cool or whose writing and art i love, there will always be that voice in my head telling me "there's a discord server where people talk shit about you"

(and i need to stress that's not pure paranoia and early in my fandom days there WAS a discord server where people regularly talked shit about me and accused me of shit i didn't do or say. and some of those ppl are STILL in fandom and still mutuals in law with me)

that isn't to like shame people who may be friends with them esp cuz like im not gonna openly call anyone out over some he said she said they said nonsense but like 🤷 idk i wish that the people who treated me like a fandom pariah didn't succeed in doing so? i wish my friends who had been in that server at the time stuck up for me when it did happen?

because i have an ex friend who would be in my dms telling me how these people are talking shit about me and making false accusations so they can justify hating me but he would still be a part of that server and friends with those people so as not to rock the boat

and idk how am i supposed to feel about that? and like because of shit like this i can't fully trust that anyone in the wayhaven fandom isn't in a group chat where maybe occasionally if i say some shit in the tags maybe someone will bring it up in the server and go "lmao remember that bitch pap we used to talk shit about 3 years ago" and rehash all the shit they used to say to even new people in the fandom

because there are people who preemptively block me when joining the wayhaven fandom and idk how to deal with that when literally the only controversial thing I've ever done is stick to my guns about how i feel about racism and r/adfems in fandom. like that's the kind of shit i got called retarded for and sent anon hate consistently through end of 2020 beginning of 2021? i got accused of harassing a person I'd literally never met for making 1 incredibly general text post about racism in fandom with no identifying information (because i wasn't talking about anyone specific) and people still have me blocked over that shit. I had someone who i thought was a friend vague post about me (a trigger of my paranoia) the same day I posted about how I was having suicidal ideation around my paranoia due to people vague posting about me constantly—literally only over me not using his art in a fandom event, like he got paid + a tip for a commission and in the end we didn't feel it was a fit and respectfully told him so (but he still got that bag??) and he decided suicide baiting was the answer.

girl i don't even fucking know what to do

how do i even begin to repair my relationship with this fucking hostile fandom without grovelling at the feet of shitty white fandom moms who decided im hostile and bringing drama to fandom?

idk im tired and im not sure if this makes sense but I'm hitting post anyway

[girlfriendsofthegalaxy]

tuesday again 9/5/2023

moving closer to your best friend means hanging out in big groups a lot of the time. while this is theoretically good for mental health or whatever, in practice i overextended myself this weekend and am going to wake up tomorrow with the mental equivalent of a sore lower back

listening (2x bonus)

very fond of måneskin's new single HONEY (ARE U COMING?). sonically different from their other stuff, lyrics and tone-wise another incredible sad banger! spotify

my sister viewed the film Party Girl (1995, dir. von Scherler Mayer) last week at a party in philly and sent me this song featured in the film with no further explanation. Double Cross by First Choice (a Larry Levan remix) has what i want to call bollywood strings, a flute, and the funkiest bassline backing up some really classic disco vocals. First Choice were a group out of philly, which no one at the party knew at the time, and this blog calls this specific remix "dancefloor soul" which is probably as good a descriptor as any. i have had it on loop for a solid week. lyrics include

Love stealing, double dealing, two-timing lowdown son of a gun

which is just so much fucking fun to sing in the car. spotify

-

reading (2x bonus here also)

i read the mandalorian comics in between volumes of berserk, which feels a bit like saying i took a break from watching the evil dead franchise to watch some cocomelon.

the mandalorian comics are a remarkably uninspired nearly shot by shot breakdown of the episodes. not in the way most film/tv comics are, where they’re very clearly traced screencaps, but screenshots redrawn. this would be interesting if the artist was not contractually obliged to the very flat marvel comics style. i am constantly reminded of how the mandalorian is simply…not very good. it’s entertaining as a spectacle of television to watch, but there are not a lot of fun ideas in there. something that made me fucking scream with laughter are these panels of baby yoda

pápá, your son is So high

back to the other series with a dark haired, roaming, grouchy, reserved man on a mission. unfortunately i don't have a lot of berserk thoughts just yet, i am waiting on vol 4 to come off my library holds and my brain is still digesting it. anyway i think not wanting random "friendly" embraces from strangers is a very reasonable thing for guts to dislike and i truly do not understand why ppl in-universe get so fucking offended. unfortunately reading these late at night did lead to an unpleasant sleep experience.

bitches love a fucked up interior space that can't ever actually exist (it's me i'm bitches)

not to be all therapeutic but im trying to be Curious About and Gently Interrogate why i get a real bee in my bonnet once a year to read some horror comics/manga when i am big squeamish baby about film depictions of those things. i think mostly bc comics gore is so much more stylized than some of the very effective practical and cgi effects? and crucially nothing is actually like writhing around on screen it’s a still image? does anyone else’s brain have a much easier time handling still images over moving images of gore? much to consider

as with many other things, me reading berserk is indirectly @dying-suffering-french-stalkers ' fault

-

watching

i have viewed the first four episodes of Fire Force, the urban fantasy mercenary firefighter anime and do not think i will be continuing. while i have a great many questions about the worldbuilding (gravitational anomalies?? genetic predisposition to spontaneous human combustion?? solar god nuns??) it has a dead mom plot, which i am allergic to. this is also a 7.5-8 on the Ass part of the Weeb Ass Shit scale, and has a lot more casual assault than i try to encounter in anime. it's by the soul eater guy, remember the level of Stuff going on in soul eater? a little bit more ramped up groping and stuff that makes me say out loud "wow i don't like this" than soul eater.

the animation re: aforementioned fire is really top notch tho. visually complex and interesting television program.

how i found this: me and my best friend and my best friend's husband morosely poking around the anime section on hulu, looking for something to fill the spy x family void. this ain't it tho

-

playing

i have no fun genshin tidbits to share bc i am grinding talent mats while catching up with the podcast episodes of the road to partizan and i don’t have much to say about the not-fun parts of gachas. why am i playing something if it’s not inherently fun? great fucking question

-

making (3rd 2x bonus)

very uninspired (derivative, even) abbreviated sofrito thing over rice. with heavy application of Worcestershire sauce it was fine. no pics

also i finally bought a couch bc salvation army had 50% off everything for Labor Day. this is a question of ethics vs money i have decided for myself, and encourage you, the reader, to go off and quietly make your own philosophical choices without explaining them to me in detail.

it will be arriving on friday bc that is when the strapping young men who own trucks are available. my front door is a very non standard size and i have a very awkward front stair, so i needed something that could fit under the overhang while standing on its end. this one was the best size and (fortunately) the cheapest at $150. it is some sort of extremely flammable early polyester and 100% has a grandma’s soul trapped within its fibers. i will probably buy a cover at some later date to deter miss macaron but in the meantime we will do the strips of brown painters tape, which does successfully deter her. this really really does not want to be steamed so i will also be procuring some chemicals.

here are some other couches i could have bought but didn’t.

[fairycosmos]

is it a bad thing to be so sensitive? like i am always crying <3 i am a cry baby and I HATE IT. why can't i be strong and sexy. anyways tired of people making me feel bad about it idk. maybe i should WOMAN UP period

no i think that mindset is weirdly toxic positivity-adjacent and also gives ppl an excuse not to look inward and reflect on whether or not they're actually treating others well. i.e. oh that person is just sensitive, my behavior plays no part in their reactions, i'm good etc etc. there's definitely a balance though like if you find yourself jumping down people's throats/getting sad whenever someone like casually disagrees with you then it's probably worth checking in on yourself and trying to learn how to approach your interactions with them in a more productive, less reactive way. however no i don't think sensitivity itself is an inherently bad thing at all. it's ok that the feeling is there, it's what you do with it that counts. and it's often situational anyway. i kind of wish everyone was a little more sensitive honestly, broadly speaking at least. people always talk about the younger generations being too soft or whatever but i don't really see that with those around me, even those my age and younger. i think we could all stand to be a bit more self-aware and gentle and emotionally attuned and im absolutely including myself in that

[velvetvexations]

i would love to know more about npd, i have suspected my mother has undiagnosed npd for years now. i'm not one to self diagnose at all or to diagnose people with surface level knowledge. i have been doing my research for ages, i am 99% sure she has npd. she is so abusive and awful, i thought all people with npd were like this ngl and now i feel bad because i have been reading ur blog and been looking at actually npd tags on here and trying to understand more. i know not all npd ppl are abusive but they can be. i feel bad even more cuz i think shes evil, and cuz i am sure she has npd i guess i associate everyone else with npd as evil. i'm trying not to now, i guess i was uneducated on the topic. it's hard when u have bad experiences with ppl with npd and bpd etc.

i guess the point of this is to thank you for sharing your thoughts & feelings and showing me a diff side to npd through ur blog.

also wondering if she can ever change. she will never accept she has npd i know that, she's only getting worse and i cant deal with it. i want to cut her off badly. should i? i guess im asking you because you are someone who has it and i just need to understand from someone who has it, i can read all the academic sources in the world but i think it helps to talk to someone real as well. sorry if this is too much or if its triggering, i really don't mean for it to be. i'm just so upset today because she's rehomed my cat and i can't take it anymore.

People with NPD can most definitely be abusive and you have nothing to feel bad about. Most people who obsessively hate narcissists are not even themselves actual victims of people with NPD. The fact that you so heavily suspect your abusive mother is but are still this open to learning more and empathizing is a beautiful thing.

Undiagnosed NPD is well and truly a bitch. If your mother does have NPD, she's certainly suffering on some level as well, but that doesn't excuse the way she treats you. Whether or not she can change is...difficult to say. I discovered I have NPD when I was a teenager and there were a lot of particular things about me and my life and my worldview that made me adapt exceptionally well to it. To go past middle-age with it being undiagnosed, that's very, very difficult. My own mother was an abusive narc and no matter how I tried it always felt impossible, literally, bleakly impossible, to get her to understand anything from my point of view or to treat me more fairly.

Ultimately, though, it doesn't really matter if she can or can't. You don't owe her that generosity. She's treating you awfully no matter the reason, and if you want to sever that relationship, do it. You don't need that in your life and it's her loss.

When my mother died, I was let down that I didn't get the chance to leave and tell her I never wanted to see her again like I'd looked forward to doing for years. I wasn't sad that she died but I was sad that I wasn't sad, that our relationship had gotten that bad. If I had left at your age I may still never wanted to see her again but would have at least had a much better opinion of her to look back on, because it only got exponentially worse as the years marched on. You aren't your mother's therapist. You come first.

[echobx]

these pics and videos spoilers im seeing is making me a bit sad as a jjpope shipper.... seeing jiara fans happy that rudy and madison are filming scenes between both makes jjpopes future look even worse. i was really hoping for s4 to be their season? pics of kiara and jj in same bedroom? i dont feel good at all for whats coming. how can the show ignore jjpope and their potential?

i feel the same anon. but I still have some hope because all we have got to see hasn't been very romantic looking in my eyes. and to the clip of Madison in bedroom next to a guy, that's JD, that's not Rudy. bc that video they screenshotted from was is on Madelyn's Instagram and I'm pretty sure it's JD based on the fact that he commented something on it that is visible on his body in the shot.

also, the fact that they zoomed in on a poster on a wall and then said "this is proof they live together" is just not holding up. bc (1) not just Kie can have this poster and just bc they used it in her room in s3 doesn't mean they didn't just use it to save money on new props (the surfshop of JB and Sarah has the same logo as the one we have already seen in s1&2 so unless they buy that thing, I'm just calling it cheap production and not wanting to create a new logo) (2) there was no confirmation whose house they are at in this clip, and (bc I'm that bitch) when you look out the window in the video, you can clearly see the marina. so they can't be at JJ's bc of the location of the house. I'm calling it and say their at Pope's or Kie has her own house.

on the other hand what still gives me hope, is that everything I have jiara shippers seen talking about (especially on twitter) has still no ground to stand on. tbh hey sound very delulu to me with all they are saying right now. I mean, I have seen more bts clips were Rudy and Madison don't seem as happy to be there, or aren't even in the shots together, than ones where they are.

I do have hope that the writers aren't that dumb and do what they did with KiePope and give us just a little and then let the characters realize that it's not working out.

I'm also super confused about Luke being there, and tbh I hate that they are doing it now bc they wanted to do that last season and then didn't bc bts leaks and jiara. but what I hate more is ppl going "omg luke is gonna throw JJ off Redfield Lighthouse!!" like why? why would they kill off the one character that keeps thousands if not millions of ppl interested in the show. bc if I'm totally honest, if they do kill him off I'm not gonna keep watching. same with Pope. if one of them dies, I'm done with this shitshow and it'll be fanon forever. (it already is bc canon is shit with holes)

ig my main issue with all that jiaras are doing isn't that they are shipping it, ship what you want, but the impact they get to have and the little media literacy they seem to have too. the homophobia and racism of it all

but then again, JJ is still wearing the bandana in the back right pocket. and I do hope for some good changes (for us) bc none of the official promo they gave us yet was in any instance showing anything about jiara. they gave them nothing. and maybe that's why jiaras sound so delulu to me right now, bc if how they say "this is jiara's season" was true, why wouldn't the short clips we got a few months ago have anything in them that gives jiaras genuine hope? no instead we got a group shot where the two are far apart, then the boys, and Sarah looking sad again. no jiara in sight. and maybe that's why I have hope, but that might also just be a marketing strategy idk.

they should let Kie cheat on him with a girl, that's what I wanna see. she should just fuck a girl and then come home and break up with JJ. that's what I want deep in my soul. bc just from the first intro we got into JJ (JB's pilot episode monologue) it's so damn obvious that they will never work, even if they weren't both raging homosexuals.