#Im so sad and tired. Im so alone. I dont even want to try anymore. | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

algea · 5 months

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Ghoul School (pt 2)

prompt: when you get out of the hospital, Lars has put it onto himself to take care of you until you're healed. I can confirm that there is a big chuck of text where you're really pissed off at him before he gets his shit together!

warnings: tbh i literally dont even know. umm yeah your shin is broken and you're concussed so. things may or may not get a little steamy...cussing duh

a/n: im super mega surprised all my Lars stuff has gotten popular; i think it’s very insanely unhealthy how much i love James Acaster.

~ there are a LOT of little secret references to James in here, comment what you picked out ;)

~ also this is probably longer than the first part idk, but its officially the longest post ive written @jesssuperwholock03

~requested by @thestralluvr

Lars visited you everyday. Every morning, every evening after work, sometimes even over his lunch breaks, like clockwork. You were beginning to think it was seriously unhealthy. You were lying in the hospital bed, 4 days after the incident, with your eyes closed. You heard a soft click of the door and you cracked your eyes slightly. You, being oh-so-surprised, were met with the tired face of your crush colleague and work partner. He wore his jumper tied around his waist, a dark colored button up adorning his body. His hair looked disheveled, which could only mean he had just finished a job. He looked so tired, more tired than you've ever seen him be. It was annoying, honestly. Annoying how attractive he was without even trying. 'Why can't I look like that' you thought to yourself, mentally frowning. You decided to acknowledge his presence, seeing how he took time, again, out of his day to come and visit you.

"Lars." You stated, turning your head look over at him. Lars froze, gazing down at your solemn face. You started to reach out to him, but thought otherwise and rested your hand back on the crisp sheets. You watched as he pushed his glasses up and pulled a chair to sit beside you. Lars rested his forearms on the edge of the bed, his hands clasped.

"I was told that you'll be able to get out of here today." He whispered, his tired eyes searching your face. He was desperate for you to come back, back to how things used to be, where he would tease you, and you would always find witty comeback. But he knew you couldn't, not for a while at least. Lars was so scared you weren't going to be able to work for Ghost Corps anymore, especially since the concussion you got really fucked up your head. Not to mention your shin, which was a huge impact on you.

Lars let out a shaky breath. He unclasped his hands and ran one through his hair. You reached out, more confidently this time, and rested your hand on his. He didn't move his hand; he was scared if you let go, you'd disappear.

"Lars." You said again, your face flashing with worry. Your other hand softly touched his chin, holding his face so delicately.

"I'm scared that you're not going to come back." Lars stated, grimacing at the words that flew out of his mouth.

"Why wouldn't I come back? What made you think this?" You asked, your eyebrows drawing together in a sad furrow.

"I want things to be the same, I don't want things to change." He whispered quietly, his eyes cast down.

"I think you and I both know that it won't be the same, neither of us want to admit it. Normally, you don't go around kissing people and pretend like you hate each other for the rest of your life." You explained, searching his eyes for an answer. His eyes glanced back at you as his cheeks burned with pink. You tipped his head to the side ever so slightly, your thumb brushing over his cheekbone.

"That's unfair, Lars. You can't expect me to leave you alone after that." You pleaded.

"Can we just drop it? It really doesn't fucking matter right now.” Lars snapped. You drew your hand away from his face, hurt flashing across your face.

“What I meant was that we should focus on getting you out of here.” He frantically explained. He reached for your hand, but you pulled away again. Lars had never felt an emotion like this. His ears were ringing and his brain was hazy. It could’ve only been described as embarrassment. He wouldn't cry, no, that's not what he wanted to do. He wanted to apologize over and over again until you'd forget he ever did anything or said anything.

“I think it's maybe time for you to go. When I get out, do me a favor and send Lucky and Pheebs to get me.” You muttered, looking down at your hands. Lars sat there for a few moments, his jaw clenched. He wanted to say something, anything, to make you understand how he felt. Instead, he got up and, with a longing gaze down at you, left.

You felt hot tears sting your eyes, which you allowed to fall down your cheeks. If he wanted to play that dumbass game again, you could do it, just not like you used to. You didn't realize that you were holding your breath until he walked out of the door, not looking back. You slammed your hand down on the bed in a fit of rage, which turned into a soft cry. You wished that you could make better sense of it all, but your wishes never came true.

It was only 2 hours after that you were discharged. Lucky and Phoebe, just as you had requested, rushed in to see you as soon as they could.

"Y/N!" Phoebe exclaimed, running to you and giving you a big hug. You smiled and hugged her back, or at least as much as you could with your crutches. Lucky joined in on the hug before you parted and started making your way to the car.

"Everyone is so happy you're coming home! We've all been super worried." Phoebe smiled, giving you a big smile.

"I'm so happy I get to see you guys again, Pheebs." You grinned back, ruffling her hair. Your mind wandered to Lars as you crutched your way to the car.

"Has um..." You started, realizing that the words were harder to get out of your mouth than you thought.

"He's not here. I haven't seen him since we went out this morning." Lucky explained, catching on to what you were about to ask. You looked down and nodded. 'Of course, how could I be so goddamn stupid.' You thought. Phoebe helped you into the car while Lucky set your crutches next to you. Trevor was driving, which was a whole other risk to be taking.

"Since when did they let you drive?" You asked, grinning at Trevor.

"Since Lars bailed at the last minute. I'm a great driver, so I have no idea what you're even talking about." Trevor bragged. 'He bailed at last minute? He never does that...' You thought sadly. He could've just been working really hard on whatever science thing he was studying. You really didn't know, but it did cut a little.

You didn't know you were carsick until you let Trevor drive you home. You thought Lars was a bad driver, but you quickly realized that Trevor was on the list of 'Never-Ever Drive Me Again,' along with Gary and Ray. You made a mental note of that as you struggled to stand to get out of the car. Trevor quickly rushed to your side to help you, easily pulling you up. You casted your gaze up, which fell on the Firehouse. 'Oh good, he won't be here.' You thought, as a feeling of relief washed over you. You hobbled in next to Phoebe and Trevor with Lucky trailing in not far behind. Callie and Gary stood right after the door, waiting for your arrival. As soon as you entered the Firehouse they were by your side, giving you warm 'hello's' and 'I'm so happy you're back and ok.' You were quick to hug them, hoping to talk to them about your situation with Lars.

"Alright kiddos, time to let the adults talk." Gary clapped, shooing away the smaller kids.

"Hey but I'm not-!" Trevor started, but was dragged away by Lucky. You three sat down around a table. It was silent for a moment as you tried to say what was on your mind.

"Did he come see you?" Callie asked, leaning in close.

"He came and saw me everyday. Sometimes up to three times." You whispered, your hands clasped together. Callie and Gary looked at each other.

"But when he came and saw me this morning, he was different. He was super moody, and got upset when I tried to confront him about kissing me like you said for me to do. I don't know if he doesn't like confrontation or if he, yknow, might be seeing someone else." You went on, nervously biting your nails.

"Y/N, I seriously doubt that there's many women who actually like Lars, much less want to even date him." Gary said, using his left hand to talk. 'Is he right? But I'm sure women think Lars is attractive.' You thought, scrunching your eyebrows together.

"I'm pretty certain that you're like the only woman he's ever talked to in a romantic way, probably even the only woman he’s ever even talked to." Callie confirmed.

"Either way, he likes you. We all know that." Gary finished. You were really hoping he was right, otherwise you were a fool being played.

You chatted for a little while longer, mostly about anything and everything that came to mind. After a while, you told them that you were ready to head home.

"I'll drive you home." Callie said, standing up and grabbing the keys. The ride home was filled with you and Callie singing awful 80's songs, the vast majority of them by Tears for Fears. That was something that cleaned your soul and freed your mind a while. Callie helped you into your apartment before she left with a hug and a warm 'see you soon.' You were seriously hoping that your torture would end.

After a day, you got restless. So restless that you decided to go back to the lab and start working again. Yes, it was idiotically stupid. No, you weren't going to listen to anyone and take a break. Honestly it was going to happen anyways. You walked into the lab the first day, partially hoping that Lars was going to be there, but alas he wasn't. You felt disappointment but you were hopeful that you'd see him tomorrow. Except you didn't. More days past by and you hadn't seen any sign of Lars in the lab at all. You were starting to get more and more worried.

It had been more than a week and you hadn’t seen Lars since. Concern was growing and you were growing weary waiting for him to return. It was extremely hard taking care of yourself, especially since you had to trek a long ways to get yourself to your car outside of your apartment. Finally, you decided it was time to go see Lars. It pissed you off so much that you were running to him, instead of him coming to you. You knew his place, mostly because you, Phoebe, Trevor, and Lucky would sometimes prank him by doing something so absurd he would tremble with anger. That was back when you had your little schoolgirl crush on him, before you realized that you loved him.

You decided to walk, opting for the fact that he knows your car all too well. You weren’t even sure if he was there, you really didn’t even bother checking to see in your group FindMy. You didn’t even bother use your crutches because they were stupid anyways, you could walk just find even though you had a little limp. God you just wanted to fucking punch his stupidly handsome face. He made your blood boil so much.

You were only a few blocks from from his house when it started to rain. Not just a light rain, but a pour. You grew a little worried for your cast, but continued on. You were completely drenched by the time you were on his doorstep. Even worse, it was cold out. You stood on his doorstep for a minute before you started to knock on his door. You breathed out, seeing your own breath in the air. You were so cold. No one answered, which was pretty typical for Lars. He was probably standing in the kitchen, not going to open the door.

"Lars!!" You yelled, knocking on the door some more. Water dripped from your face and you shivered again. The door still didn't open. You sighed and started walking away, the pouring rain drenching you again. You started to tread back to your apartment when you heard a loud bang and turned your head. There Lars was, standing in the doorway, eyes wide as he stared at you.

"Y/N!" Lars yelled back, meeting you in the rain. He craned his head to look down at you, his hands flying to meet your face.

"What are you doing here?" He said, his thumb swiping at your cheek.

"I came to see you. Where the fuck have you been, Lars Pinfield?!" You boomed, your right hand gripping the front of his shirt. His head dropped and he closed his eyes.

"I...I couldn't face you after that dumb shit I pulled. I wanted to apologize, really I did, but I couldn't bring myself to face you." Lars explained, his breath creating a misty cloud. All that either of you could do was stare at each other incredulously.

“Are you fucking stupid? I’ve wanted to see you all week, but your dumbass wouldn’t show up. Jesus Christ Lars, do you have any clue how much I’ve missed you? You’re so goddamn unfair you know that?!” You screamed, pounding on his chest. Lars’ hands moved from your face to your waist, holding you steady while you angrily punched him. He could only see you through his hair, which now stuck to his forehead, and his rain covered glasses which were fogging up. He was freezing, but all he could ever think about was you. How cold were you? Why would you sacrifice your time, hell, your health to come see him. He really couldn’t understand it. He couldn’t comprehend why someone would ever do that for someone. You would think with him being such a genius he would figure it out, however some people can be dense. But he realized that you were giving up all your time to invest in him. So, he decided that he needed to do the same.

"Do you think, maybe, that you'd want to spend the rest of your life, with me, maybe not just hating each other. And maybe not while hating each other, you'd like to be with me, y'know, for a long while?" Lars whispered, causing you to stop throwing punches. You looked up at him, in all his rain drenched glory. God, he looked so beautiful. You began to tremble, your hands lifting to capture his face with them. Lars breath quickened, his large hands gripping your waist. His hazy blue eyes captured yours, holding you in his everlasting gaze.

"Lars..." You murmured, swiping your thumb across his bottom lip. It was soft, softer than you thought it would've been. You found yourself daydreaming again about kissing him, though you'd never let him know how many times you've done it. You realized how close you were after you felt his breath against your cheek. You leaned in closer, pressing your chest against his. It was like something out of a movie, the way time stopped then. When your lips pressed against his, your body shuddered. It was like fireworks went off inside of you, making you all jittery and excited. Lars' hands slipped from your waist to your ass, softly gripping the flesh there. You slipped your fingers into his blond locks, tugging lightly. You heard a light groan rumble from his chest as he pressed into you further.

You weren't sure if the rain mixed with the cold had made you delirious, but after Lars had pulled away, it made him look even hotter. His tousled, wet hair, his lips that were red after the kiss, the ruby flush that adorned his cheeks and ears, and his half-lidded eyes made him even more beautiful. You found yourself feeling heat creep up through your neck to your cheeks as he stared down at you.

“Shit, right, you need to get inside, now.” Lars commanded, dragging you towards the door.

“Lars—!” You exclaimed, eyes widening as he basically picked you up. Your hands fly to grip the shirt on his back as you hoists you over his shoulder. He muttered a few things under his breath as he strolled to the door, obviously not caring that the rain was coming down harder. Lars opened the door, set you down, and shut the door with the heel of his shoe.

“Give me a second.” He commanded, leaving you standing in the foyer. You shivered and looked around, noticing some things that seemed quite out of place. Lars had multiple different band posters framed and hung up around the house, most of them signed. You could pick out a few like Pindrop, Temps, and the Timewasters. You also found multiple different movie titles like Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind and other things. ‘Interesting’ You thought as you took in your surroundings. Lars appeared again with a towel and some sort of clothes he had found for you to wear.

“If you fuck up my good clothes, I’m kicking your ass to the curb again.” Lars sighed, throwing the towel at you.

“Whatever, brainiac.” You bit back, trying to hold back your grin as you shoved past him. That earned a scoff and an eye roll from Lars.

“Washroom is down the right hall, second door to the left.” He called, peaking down at you as you went to change.

Lars had never had a girl in his house before. Other than the times his mother and sister had come over from Britain, obviously. His “outside” friends insisted that he bring a girl home, but he couldn’t ever bring himself to when he could only think of you. It made him a little giddy knowing that you were here with him. It was like a fever dream, if he woke up it all would be gone. He wanted to pinch himself to make sure that there was a way to prove that this was real. Lars found himself wondering if you liked how his house was decorated, the clothes he brought you, even the way the house smelt. At the thought of these, he began to worry that you didn’t like it here. Those thoughts were denied when you waddled back from the bathroom, furiously rubbing at your hair to dry it. It was silly, really. Lars thought you looked a little too good in his clothes. His Temps T-shirt was too big for you, and his plaid pj pants were rolled a few times to even try and fit you.

“You look stupid in that.” Lars scoffed once more, looking anywhere but your face.

“Hey man, you picked this out. Don’t blame me for your shit style.” You tried back. A hint of a smile could be found dawning his face. You smirked and poked his cheek.

“Is that a smile I see? Is the Lars Pinfield smiling in my presence?” You giggled, covering your mouth with your hand to fake gasp.

“No, it isn’t.” He replied, the smile growing wider on his face.

“It so totally is!!! Lars Pinfield is literally smiling right in front of me!” You exclaimed. He shook his head.

“Shut up. Anyways, I’m getting changed, don’t fucking break anything.” Lars sighed, sliding past you.

“You can put on anything, just as long as it’s not some stupid BritCom.” He added, shutting the door to his room.

“Who even watches BritComs…” You muttered to yourself. Walking back into the main foyer, you sat down on the sofa, which was surprisingly nice compared to how you thought your scientist boyfriend colleague lived. You sat down and flicked through the channels, stopping on whatever stupid romcom movie was on. You sighed and put your chin in your hand, anticipating the snappy response of ‘this is the shittiest movie I’ve ever seen.’

“Hey.” You heard from above you. Looking up, you saw Lars resting his elbows on the top of the sofa next to you.

“Hi.” You peeped back. Secretly, you were gawking at him. Lars wore a pair of white sweatpants and a black shirt. You’ve never seen him in casual wear, but you were absolutely loving it right now. His glasses weren’t pushed up, loosely sitting below the bridge of his nose, and his hair was still damp. If this wasn’t heaven, you didn’t know what was.

“What’re we watching?” He asked, glancing down at you. You shivered when his eyes locked on to yours.

“Some stupid romcom, you probably won’t like it anyways.” You answered.

“You’re right, I’ll probably think it’s super shitty, but I’ll watch it anyways.” He sighed, tipping his head towards you. You reached up and placed a kiss on his lips. Lars scrunched his eyebrows and sighed. After you pulled away, you patted the seat beside you, beckoning him to sit down. He all but scrambled to get next to you, plopping down with another big sigh.

“How’s your leg?” Lars asked once more, motioning to it with his eyes.

“It has definitely seen better days.” You replied earnestly. He nodded in sincerity, then turned his attention back to whatever you were watching. You looked over at him again before reaching over and slipping your hand into his. He didn't move, so you considered it a win. Taking matters into your hands again, you slid closer to him and rested your head on his shoulder. Lars' head rested on top of yours immediately and you smiled as he snuggled in closer. You could smell whatever cologne he was wearing, a citrusy, vanilla smell.

"You smell good." You muttered, looking up at him through your lashes. Lars didn't reply, but you could definitely imagine the look on his face. That little embarrassed smile with a scarlet blush dusting his cheeks. You found yourself becoming a little sleepy as you settled in. Blinking a few times, you tried to wake yourself up, but that only made you even more sleepy. Unintentionally, you started to fall asleep. As you drifted off to sleep, you could hear Lars mutter something to you, but you didn't respond.

Somehow, in the middle of the night, you had moved from the sofa, to Lars' bed. Now you only had 2 options as to how you got there. 1. You sleep walked to the bed and magically laid down, or 2. Lars had carried you there. You groaned and opened your eyes, lifting a hand to rub them. You blinked a couple times and sat up. No, Lars wasn't in here. So then, where was he? You slipped out of bed and stumbled to the kitchen, finding that he wasn't there either. A cup of coffee and some breakfast was left on the counter, along with a note saying,

'I'll be back later, got a couple things I need to work on at the lab. I left you some breakfast and I'm sure you can fend for yourself for lunch. Please don't burn the house down. - Lars' You smiled and picked up the coffee, finding that it was still steaming. You noticed that Lars had made the coffee the way you liked it, which meant he definitely paid attention whenever you ordered it.

After basically spending the whole day exploring Lars' house, you settled into the sofa once more with a random book you had picked out of his bookcase. Hearing keys jingle, you lifted your head from the book and saw Lars venture in. You slowly got up, minding both your head and leg, and made your way over to him.

"Hi handsome, how did work go?" You smiled at him, leaning against the doorway.

"It was...eventful. I got thrown up on by pukey." Lars sighed. You laughed and patted his shoulder.

"That was probably hilarious. I'll make dinner while you take a shower." You said, pushing him along to the bathroom.

"Mmmm, fine. But..." He started before he swooped down and kissed you. Your hand flew to his hair, giving it a nice tug. With that came a loud groan. Lars' gripped your waist and pushed you against the wall. His tongue swiped at your lips, which you gladly accepted. You snatched his glasses and tossed them away, squirming slightly as his nails dug your waist. When he pulled away he grinned,

"Looks like I'm not getting my shower in tonight."

#lars pinfield #lars pinfield x you #lars pinfield x reader #ghostbusters #ghostbusters frozen empire #ghostbusters x reader #james acaster #james acaster x reader

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itsraven0v0 · 5 months

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YANDERE!KARUSER HCs

Note: as i said before, im terrible at writing yanderes. its mostly because im not a huge fan of it?! especially with characters i think would never fit in the role and Krauser is one of them. HOWEVER in a different timeline maybe, he'd make one hell of a f*cked up yandere.

i devided this into two sections (pre!javier krauser and post!javier krauser). enjoy~

comments and feedbacks are always appreciated:>

. PRE!JAVIER KARUSER .

you two met on one of his day offs when he was doing his routine jog and now he is EVERYWHERE!

like you can even see his iconic slicked back blond hair from the corner of your eyes.

you aint getting rid of him, you also aint getting a confrontation either!

i think back then he had more fucks to give so he kinda wanted to play it safe and approach you little by little

but when you where walking home alone one night(ffs dont do that) you got yourself in danger and then boom! this man appears outa nowhere and starts kicking their asses.

well that caught your attention and made you wanna give him a chance. what could go wrong, right?

oh you fool...

you aint getting outa his house anymore.

im pretty sure he has a single cabin in the woods that he has for the day offs he gets, so good luck runnung away.

not that you could if it was an apartment anyway.

this guy will hunt you down and drag u back. you will be his little canary or some shit.

. POST!JAVIER KRAUSER .

oh boy...

unlike the previous version, this man is too tired to give a fuck about playing it safe.

you two met at a bar where he was drowning himself in self-loathing and alcohol.

and as your obsession with military men with scars on their faces (and the alcohol) kicked in, you thought what better than to help him. right?! ahah...

look i aint judging you, thats literally me. ok??

you helped this man get his ass home safe from the bar and guess what? he was drunk and invited u in and u TOOK IT!

you helped him lay down, took his injured hand when he was having nightmares, made him coffee and everything OF COURSE HE WAS GONNA FALL FOR YOU!

your soft hands felt so good on his when he woke up only to see you fallen asleep besides his bed.

you appeared like an angel in his miserable life for a moment and from that morning he gave everything just to have your soothing presence in his life.

but soon this turned into something alarming.

he would confront you all of a sudden like: "be with me."

and if you refuse? well you can't. this man can turn on threatening mode real f*cking quick and this terrifies the sh*t outa you.

he'll keep you like a pet. attend to you good and make sure you are okay and happy but he also thinks the moment you walk outa his door smth is gonna take you away from him so say goodbye to outdoors.

he is so sad please be nice to him...i mean he technically gonna take away all your freedom but did you even have any to begin with?

enjoy you life with him while it lasts. and also enjoy knowing nothing about him. also enjoy meeting Wesker :D

that mf can and WILL pay u a visit just to scare Jack into doing what he's asking of him.

one day you ran away just to find out what he has been doing, who is he and who's that asshole that wears sunglasses indoors. And you saw smth that made you heart race in both fear and attraction(you weird f*ck! dw me too)

there he was testing his las plagas form. all monstrous and bloody. you took a step back in fear and the sound made him spot you. man he was terrified you were gonna run away. but nah!

you into that so you stayed.

you are gonna be so sad when he dies...

you think u can prevent that? try your best!

whooowhi!

thats the most yandere yall are gonna get outa me. hope that satisfied you anon who asked that.

ALSO i might wanna start a second page to write about other stuff [like mortal kombat :D] so i'll share it here too.

#jack krauser #re4 krauser #yandere

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faerishv · 2 years

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psst..guess who has another req! Hanako, Nene, Kou, Natsuhiko, Sakura, and Tsukasa with a y/n that looks angry/sad as their resting face (also if u want me to limit my reqs, pls lmk i dont wanna overwhelm you <3!!) - 🐝

don't worry , reqs are not a problem , i just have a lot to study so im a bit slow !!

angry / sad resting face

; hanako :

when he met you he always tried to avoid talking to you much because he thought about what reaction you could have towards him ( he was a little scared of just you tbh ) ; tho he has to admit that your face looks fascinating even if you look always angry / sad. When nene asked you gently if you were really angry / sad , hanako butted in the conversation , he wanted to have an answer about you face ; you explained that it was just your resting face , you weren't really angry nor sad. This explanation calmed down the boy , he began to have more conversations with you and actually noticed that your personality was far different from the "emotions " you show on your face.

; yashiro :

she felt intimidated by you but curious too ; even if your face looks angry / sad she still thinks you're really pretty. She tried to talk to you and realized you are actually a nice person. Seeing the people avoided you because of your face she introduced you to aoi , hanako , kou and mitsuba. Her favourite hobby is to squeeze your cheeks so that you look like your smiling ( with your consent ofc ) she loves your resting face but she also loves seeing a smile from time to time.

; kou :

he was kinda scared of you because you kept watching him with your angry / sad look. Little did he know , you thought he was really cool and wanted to be friend with him , you just had a problem on approach him. Instead he thought you had some problems with him or you hated him. He asked some recommendations to teru and he said to try and talk to you , like civil people. He found you on the roof alone ; he felt bad for you , maybe you weren't a bad person like he thought at first. He asked you to explain and you admitted you just wanted to be friends ; he was shocked but accepted right away.

; tsukasa :

he liked your espression and told sakura that he wanted to know you well. he bombarded you with questions of why you looked always angry / sad ; tho he was just curious , he didn't mean any harm ( for now ). You became his second ( third if natsuhiko is an assistant as well ? ). He began to be attached tto you much more than he does with sakura and he wanted to take parts of his evil plans 😦. He does the same thing yashiro does eith your cheeks but he doesn't ask permission.

; sakura :

instead of an angry / sad face she has a tired resting face ( and it's so beautiful on her let's be honest ). She's silent most of the times but she thinks that your face looks pretty too and distinguishes you from all the others. The times you smile , you can be sure that she'll remember it. Overall she treats you like a normal human being unlike others .. ( i don't know what to write for her anymore )

; natsuhiko :

he literally doesn't care about your resting face , he thinks everything about you is beautiful and treats you like a god / dess ( have you seen how he treast sakura ). He will not ask you about your face and try to make you smile by force. He gets all blushy if you look at him with your angry / sad gaze. If you smile at him he will literally faint please help him.

natsuhiko is so underrated ..

#anime #jibaku shoujo hanako kun #toilet bound hanako kun #reader insert #x reader #tbhk headcanons #tbhk x reader #hanako kun #hanako kun x reader #yashiro nene #yashiro x reader #kou minamoto #kou minamoto x reader #tsukasa yugi #tsukasa x reader #nanamine sakura #sakura nanamine x reader #hyuuga natsuhiko #natsuhiko x reader

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pinksobg · 1 year

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hello! for reflection. i hope you enjoy!

mistery reading :)

oracle and tarot 💌

pile 1: message from future self

heya past me. I am the future. I know you feel down lately. about everything maybe. but you know what can help you? conection with yourself. you know what; ask yourself the questions you are scared of. like: what am I doing to myself. what brings me down now. we need light. you know what. bring yourself to the light. be the own muse of us. no matter what. open up for yourself. thank you.

add messages: crystal, voice, song, void, yellow, sun, letter, digital world, me, miss me, love, confusion, sad... 999 this may be about the present by the way for some people. please take only what resonates. hope it helps. cheering for you. wishing the best.

cards: page of cups rx. 2 of cups.

...

pile 2: message about general advice

add message: museum, goals, advice life, learning, book, self reflection, academic, 2, france, languages, career path.

general advice:

feels like you need an up in your inspirations. maybe simple things like a pinterest board, a new game, a new place, new quotes.

wheel of furtune: maybe something is matter of time. a thing you cant control or dont have control yet.

you get it! try a less negative mindset if it is possible for the moment ofc.

plus I love your energy. uh! i dont know but comes to mind learning about good comunication. social skills maybe. you can do it for sure. like going to the park feel the air if it is possible and confortable for you for sure.

...

pile 3: message about espirituality. woah.

add message: go here you feel the most alive quote, stars, seed, city at night, james arthur songs, train, week, loving you from affar, a girl an ocean, indigo, blue, doors.

woah. I humbly feel it is a love message for you from espirituality. - you both are so close, I dont even know how to separate you 2. im getting so much this song I... dont really know the name... it's I'm tired of loving from afar and never being where you are, don't wanna leave you anymore. - you know the word love. dont wanna leave you anymore. oh darling all of the city lights never shine as bright as your eyes. - you are so so so much loved. - I'm tired of loving you from afar and never being where you are. dont wanna leave you anymore. It's a message about a thing you know. you are not alone on this road. thank you so much. you belong where you want to be.

#tarot community #tarotblr #pick a card #pick a pile #tarot reading #thank you

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jjaysontodd · 2 years

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Xyx x reader angst

prompt: “i can’t do this anymore.“

word count: 1k

content warning: none

angst to fluff ( i was gna make it pure angst but i rmbed how much i love this silly fellah)

You knew, you knew how much he hates clingy people. He hates it when people push him to open up. You knew that so well.

So you never asked him to open up, you kept telling yourself “its fine i will wait for him”.

But it was always you talking, always you starting the conversation and him playing along with it.

You were starting feel sick of hearing your own voice. How could anyone even like listening to me when i cant stand my own words?

It was always the same topics, food, video games and what is the next big adventure.

You look at xyx but you never see him.

He talks but never speaks.

He always manages to somehow make sure the mood is always upbeat, like sadness could never exist when he was around.

You sat on his bed with your head hung sadly. You were starting to feel sick and tired of how everything is going. You wanted more of him but you were afraid you would push him away. When did it became a crime to show him how much you love him? Were you being clingy, annoying or even selfish? These thoughts circled around your brain. You kept trying your best to be the partner he wanted. But do you even know who you are anymore?

As you were swamped with depressive thoughts, he walked in merrily. But stopped in his tracks when he saw you depressed.

“doll, is everything alright?” He asked with concern.

You were so tired of eveything, and this was the type of tired that cannot be cured with a nap. You couldnt even open your mouth to reply, the gravity of your feelings weighed you more than you could imagine.

You managed say silent as a whisper “I can’t do this anymore”.

Xyx eyes widened in surprised and he asked again “What?” in a quiet voice.

You looked at him, feeling terrible so you redacted your statement.

“Sorry, it was nothing.” you say quickly, trying wipe the tiredness of your heart with your hands.

“No it wasnt nothing, you said you cant do this anymore! Are you breaking up with me?” He asked with a slow pain forming in his heart.

“Answer me! Did i do something wrong? What is it?” He asked unable to be wait for your reply.

“I love you xyx” you said quietly and he looked taken back and a little calmer.

“But you put a distance between us, it’s always there. Im holding your hands yet i can feel an invisible wall between us. You push me away and i know you do. Maybe you are not comfortable being open with me or you dont want to take this relationship serious. You want to keep it light hearted. But im tired because i feel like im clingy and selfish if i ask more of you. I want to love you more but i always fear my love is suffocating. I know i can be too much, sometimes i wish i can have distance from myself too” You reply with your eyes looking to the floor. This was terribly difficult for you to admit, your insecurities to the person you love the most. You wanted to show your good sides, the best version of yourself.

Upon hearing you speak, xyx felt heart shatter. Thunderstorms brewed in his head. How could he have let you feel this way? Did he say you were clingy? How could his lover think that their love was suffocating? If anything it felt like warm fire engulfing them in a cold night. He sat next you quietly and pulled you into a hug.

“I’m sorry, my love.” With that sentence alone was enough to set you into a sobbing mess. You hugged him back and held his shirt tightly. You didnt want him to leave, not ever.

“I tried- i tried so hard so you would keeping being in love me, but i dont even know who i am anymore” You say in between sobs. He looked into your eyes wiping your tears.

“There, there. I know, i know you try harder than anyone for me. Im sorry i left you feeling like you werent enough. That you think it would be clingy for you to ask me to talk more about myself or that you thought i was playing with you. I am so sorry, doll. I just wanted you to be happy when you were around me so i kept pushing off the more serious matters. I didnt want you to feel sad about my past. I love you enough to be vulnerable with you. I love you more than that too. It was a terrible habit of mine and it made you feel inadequate. I am sorry.” He said sincerly.

“Tell me if you had a bad day, ask me to be there for you. Dont take it all on your own. I dont care if your ‘ruining the moment’ or whatever. If you are sad, i want to know. I feel terrible knowing i was happy when you werent. I want to be there for you” You say with the words getting all choked up in your throat.

“I know, i know doll. I’m sorry, I’ll do better from now. But i could tell you the same thing, please dont try to be perfect for me. You can show me who you are and i will still love you. Love is a choice and i would choose you a million times, no wait a trillion? what was the largest number again? zillionth times.” He says with a chuckle. His joke earned a smile from you.

“What I’m trying to say is, if you want more of me, i will give you more. But you should give me more of you too. I want you to tell me before you get tired like this, okay doll?” He says quietly, looking into your eyes with adoration and warmth.

“Yes” You say before falling into his chest and hugging him back. He thinks you’re adorable when you shy away from his eyes.

#xyx x reader #blooming panic #blooming panic xyx #blooming panic fanfic #xyx angst #xyx x reader angst #xyx x y/n #blooming panic angst #reader x xyx #xyx

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qumiiiquinnquin · 9 months

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im scared to tell my psychiatrist i tried to end myself twice within a month (sep-oct). i dont know why i am. i have to call the office myself since im an adult now, but im really scared making phonecalls. i have to do it because its been since april that ive seen my psychiatrist but i have to do it. i dont know when ill do it, im too scared. that fear frustrates my family a lot. i feel like im already a failure of an adult and will continue to be like that forever.

today was mostly good, just uneventful until this evening. but now im feeling depressed and i want to cry until i cant anymore, but i cant cry, so i just feel bad. i dont feel tired so i dont want to sleep, but its almost midnight so i should soon. im feeling stressed out about needing to call the psychiatrist's office, so i dont feel like i can relax at all.

ive just been feeling bad a lot lately but thats not new, i say think that to myself every other week or so. whats making me sad the most right now is hating my art. i dont have any confidence in my art but i want to get better, but i dont think i ever will. i will always have mediocre talent, no matter how hard i try. i keep thinking about burning my physical art and either deleting my digital art or just even destroying my laptop, though the latter is very excessive, but i still think about it every now and then out of frustration. i want to give up but i really dont know what else id do, ive always drawn since i was very little, its always made me happy. i really want to not care how upset stopping would make people, including myself, but if i dont stop out of just purely giving up, i probably will stop because i k!lled myself.

every day is feeling the same, it even felt that way when classes were still going. i got so used to the schedule that i got used to the systematic cycle. i partially dont want classes to start again because of that, its boring and the amount of work is stressful, im just going to go back to breaking down and nearly attempting from stress and lack of confidence that i can really do this, that i can really power through and get the degree i want. i keep getting told im smart and always work hard, but that really doesnt mean anything now. being and doing those things doesnt suddenly mean that because of those things, ill survive the stress. it only actually makes it worse, like im ridiculous for feeling the pressure and have the mental health collapses that i do because of college, that im not trying hard enough and am lazy.

for some reason the desire for love has been on my mind and i dont know why, youve seen the pathetic longing things i say about romance. right now i feel like i am missing out and am a failure by societal standards for not even have dated in my life, and i still dont have a partner at 18 years old. i feel extremely lonely to the point that seeing other couples makes me depressed, which is probably selfish of me. i feel like and believe now that i will always be alone. i know i am not beautiful to anyone, i know i am not funny, i am not interesting, im a pain in the ass, im too much to deal with and am just unlovable in general. i hate feeling this way, i never cared about romance or relationships and have always been repulsed at the idea of me ever being loved romantically or being in a relationship. i feel stupid. i feel like a jerk. i feel like i deserve to be alone forever, and i really do. or maybe, just end myself, if im so unlovable in every way, then why not just weed myself out? whoever takes my place will be much more worth it than i ever could be. its so stupid thinking about myself d*ing from a broken heart. "just grow up, sad excuse of a grown adult." (in quotes because its a direct thought to myself towards myself, nobody else)

i really doubt everything will get better, ive felt this same exact way for 3 years now. sad, burntout, stressed, like im nothing but a problem for my family, a burden and waste of time to be around or talk to or care about. i did attempt once in 2021 but failed, obviously im still alive. i really want to try again. im really scared of pain, so im trying to find the quickest way or the least painful option. if i just call, i can get different meds or a different dosage and i wont feel this terrible. im so childish for an adult to be unable to make a fucking phonecall. i feel like next year might be it, im not sure why i get that feeling, but i dont have any reason to keep going. im not looking forward to anything. nothing is really that fun or exciting, i just try to distract myself. i know im not wanted, and im too difficult for my family.

its now a half hour after midnight because im incapable of shutting the fuck up. i might just lay down and watch youtube or cry myself to sleep, whichever happens first

#vent #tw sui ideation #tw sui vent #tw sui attempt #long post #well this escalated fast #i am useless and pathetic. i am going to remain this way forever. the only way out is to just disappear i think. im tired of being alive

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mildmayfoxe · 8 months

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talkin bout. covid stuff. i'm not sick dont worry

as careful readers are aware ive been masking inside my own house to avoid whatever my roommates are up to for almost a month now. started jan 3. which like is fine its whatever i do feel stupid doing it but i would rather feel stupid than be killed or injured for life by a pandemic that everyone pretends is over. but ive been keeping an eye on all the various wastewater tracking both nationally and locally and the numbers were definitely getting MUCH better here considering that they were much higher than the national (which took me a lot longer to realize than it should have, i was just looking at graph go down and not what the actual copies per ml was ON the graph. stupid) so that's a positive change. but even though it was getting much better and i had high hopes for being able to stop masking in my HOUSE !!! everything now is indicating that the numbers are starting to go back up again which means im in for another lord nows how many more weeks wearing a mask and waiting six+ minutes every time i come back in my room before taking it off to let the air circulate first. and who knows if that's even effective! who knows how much air from the rest of the house is getting through the weather stripping tape i used to try to seal my door as best i could! and it's not the worst hardship in the world but i'm just tired. i haven't washed my face properly this whole time because i figured out how to shower with a mask on thankfully even though washing my hair is a challenge but my skin is so bad right now. and it's my birthday on thursday and i don't even feel comfortable going to my ONE friend's house so i dont have to be alone because i feel like i can't trust anyone because i don't know anyone who takes covid as seriously as i do. no one cares anymore and i can't afford to live alone but i dont know how much longer i can live like this. i'm so tired of being scared of everyone and i'm so tired of leaving my life on hold for a pandemic no one seems to want to do anything to end. not to even mention the ongoing GENOCIDE! not to be fucking DEPRESSING on main and i didn't mean to write this much but i'm just so sad. it's so hard to hope that things will ever get better. anyway 🤙🏻 the grief is never-ending but you still gotta do laundry or whatever

#chatpost #sorry i'm not in a good mood im just being sad under the cut

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teyvatrose · 6 days

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hii nessa its jjk anon. ik i said i might not update anymore but i still wanted to have someone to share my life with so im writing again lol. lmk if u changed ur mind i wont be sad 🫶. i’ll try to keep more private infos to myself but anyways. so i got back from my shift. i didnt intend on shifting back there yet but i fell asleep thinking of ppl in that reality so i think thats y i did. roughly a little more than 2 weeks passed in my other life and things r meh. recently gojo has been approving more missions for me so ive just been busy. as for megumi, i still see him and he keeps acting like hes fine but thats what worries me. i feel like he just needs to allow himself to feel his emotions. i dont wanna force him or anything but tbh the more he keeps his feelings to himself the more he tends to have these little outbursts. like i went to see tsumiki when i saw him sitting by her. i tried to talk to him, the basic how long were u here, did u eat, if u need a break i can watch tsumiki while u leave type of thing but then he just said that hes tired and that he didnt want to talk. its the way he say it that made me kinda go “oh”. so i didnt say anything cus what do u even say. idk what he was thinking but then he got up and left not too long after. i get it. i rly am trying to understand and work with him but i just wish he finds a way or just allow himself to feel all that he was feeling. even gojo tried talking to him but he didnt want to listen and tbh was a lot more irritable. so i thought maybe time was what he needed since clearly he didnt want anyone close to him right now. so thats what i did, i gave him space. it wasnt hard since, again, i was on more missions now anyways so i had other stuff to worry about. but then tell me y i would come back and i would see him waiting for me. he wouldnt say anything and kinda just lingers as if he wanted to finally talk. but when i wanted to say smth he just leaves. like… HUH?? i dont get it. i honestly do not get it. idk how to help him or if he even wants my help anymore. idk im just tired at this point as well. its like theres no use working on an issue when the other person wont cooperate. i didnt plan on adding anything more to my script but omfg am i tempted rn

im sry i know that ended up being more like a rant than an update. but thats whats going on in life rn. i’ll share any happier updates if theres any 😭

in my opinion i think what hes feeling is pretty complicated. i think you will have to take it on a day to day basis on how to approach him. he will have days where hes visibly upset and irritable, days where hes distant but not showing any kinds of upset and days where he wants to be around someone but not necessarily talk. it will be a hard time for you of course, it cant be easy seeing him like that, but i think this is something that will get better over time and you need to have patience with it. just take it day by day. if he seems like he needs to be left alone then do so. if he seems like he may want to be around you but not talk then do so if you can.

it is very obvious that he still cares for you and wants you around but i dont think he ever got to learn how to process his emotions properly (based on what i know from the show obviously it may different in your dr, im not trying to tell you how he is when you know him better than me😂) so my suggestion would be to just let him know that you are there for him no matter what. it will get better in time, all things do.

good luck with everything jjk anon ❤️

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moroser · 1 year

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i always see artists on here and twitter and stuff talking about their friends and groups on discord and i am always reminded about the fact i don’t have that. it’s like, i can’t even make friends. every time i try to get close to someone i inevitably become this therapy friend or a backburner friend. i don’t want that. i can’t do that anymore, i am so tired. i have given all of my energy to others my whole life.

i move forward and they will come around when they need my advice or help. like why can’t i make friends that stick or meet people that want to actually hang out with me like i want to with them. people like me on the surface but never allow me to get closer. or stay closer.

i dont need any words of encouragement. i’m just tired of feeling like this idiot that doesn’t know how to do literally anything. i feel like im doing so much wrong all the time. im tired of trying and feeling hurt. constantly feeling stuck. and im ALWAYS alone.

i’m trying to clean myself up and be healthier and happier and i k now it’s slow. but god i am dragging through the mud, face down. i can’t breathe.

my energy is low and it seems like the only feelings i have are sad and sadder. literally i am 30 i am so tired of everything and really struggling to believe it gets any better than what i’ve been dealt.

#t #personal #dont have to read and i dont need to hear anything #just having a fit i guess i dont know

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rogue9cg · 8 months

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-vent-

i’ve still got my friend’s things from when we used to play d&d at my place. we haven’t spoken in years as he slowly faded away from the group. going through his stuff again made me realize how much i miss him.

i feel very selfish admitting this, but i miss him a lot. selfish because i never reached out to him, i havent asked where he’s been. its not fair for me to feel this way after so long. and the idea that he might ignore me when i try, or that he’s beyond reaching at this point is pretty painful to think about.

missing him isnt the only thing that hurts though. i miss a lot of people. sometimes i miss people i talk to every day. i used to experience a lot of things, i used to be close to people, but as i get older i get lonelier. this friend and I would go walking together around the lake and discuss our philosophies, our future, things like that. with other friends i’d put my arms around them, pat them on the back, help them whenever i could. being helpful really made me feel good. so often i got to help friends move, give them rides, talk them through relationships despite having little experience myself. and i had the confidence to do those things.

i dont really know when things changed. i’ve regressed to the point where i feel pathetic, useless, unloved. and i feel really horrible saying that because there is clearly people that care about me. but i’ve forgotten how to connect with people. or maybe im just too scared. every person i know is a mountain of possibilities that i havent been strong enough to face.

the problem is me, i dont face anything or anyone anymore. every day i live is a lie because im scared of being selfish, or pushing my friends away. im really fucking scared of making people i care about uncomfortable because of my feelings. nothings scarier to me than being alone, of asking for too much and being left behind. but the real, embarrassing truth of it all is that im sad, i want to be loved, i want to be held, i want to be wanted. hugs arent enough! i wont feel like a real person again until someone squeezes me tight and doesnt let me go!! its not even romantic, i’ve just never been treated like that more than a couple of times in my whole life! maybe i dont deserve it, i dont fucking know, but not even my family ever treated me that way… maybe they did at one point… but i wouldnt remember because that was a different me, a me that i lost. my memory has gotten fuzzier and fuzzier over the years. the worse part is i remember the stuff that hurts but the good things i have to wonder if they actually happened.

i dont even like typing all this out because i just never feel like i have the right to feel this way. but its been really hard being in my own head all this time snd im really tired of it. tired of feeling like im not enough. tired of doing the same thing every day and expecting to feel any better.

#might delete later

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roffmychest · 10 months

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(cw fetish mention, long post)

when i was in the 4th grade i got REALLY into pokemon and conciquently i found.... pokemon transformations..... through deviantart, being VERY young and getting bullied alot i just imagined myself turning into a pokemon like those comics and wishing i could just turn into one and live my life alone.. and i got VERY fixated on transformation artwork NOT KNOWING IT WAS FETISH ART i drew alot of pokemon transformations during the after-school homework program and i assigned my classmates pokemon and id imagine them turning into them while were lost in the mountains and i magically didnt get bullied anymore or something i even requested like 5 different artworks, i used to speak to someone on discord who would have written for free the above story i had in mind and i had to block them out of nowhere once because they were making me uncomfortable, now again i was 10-11

i tired to get into it again, 2020 (before my bday, i was 12 at the time) i had an account on twitter (it might be still up), at this point i still did not know it was werid as hell and just thought the idea of shapeshifting is super cool! but just ended up abandoning it cuz i got into other stuff anyway

2021.. i was 14 and i was going through the WORST sad state of my life (not calling it depression or anything, just know i wanted to end my own life very badly) i had a now deactivated anon vent account on twt that id throw whatever and i tried to get into transformation again, at this point i FINALLY learnt that its seen as a fetish and i feel like ive been lied to the whole time even though i definatly have not been, i made the mistake of trying to show it to my old priv account with followers (in the end didnt use it) because i just, wanted to become a different character i liked and dissapear and to live their life and not deal with whatever i was dealing with, im so mad at myself, i just like shapeshifting and i wanted to , as i said, dissapear so to learn the thing that brought me comfort when i was 10 was ...fucking werid devistated me, before that i even wrote a story with a person my age (WITH THEIR PERMISSION, WE TALKED ABOUT THIS BEFORE HAND) turning into our fave characters in a mobile game that we were fixating one

im now 16 and i have not gone back to thinking about it, i made a oc during my time as a 14 year old that can shapeshift into a dog and im terrified that people will associate it with that fetish, though its a oc in a kids game so probably not but the thought still scares me, i NEVER saw it sex appearing in any way, its NOT a fetish to me, but i never knew and it made me feel terrible

i hate myself for going down this path and beliving it was ok for so long, i hate myself, i hate the fact i tried to revive it, i hate the fact no one realised how werid it was i hate the fact i spoke to someone who made me uncomfortable and wrote free fanfictions for me i hate everything i dont care if i was at my lowest points of my life i shouldnt have looked at that at that age even if i had unrestricted internet beforehand, i do not blame myself for not knowing it was fetish art the first time and having to lie about my age because of deviatarts policy, but fuck deviantart and fuck myself for not realising it sooner and tried to get into it again and again

the only thing i dont hate is that it made me draw more, i wish i could just go back and throw myself warrior cats or something instead to grow up w something different, im sorry to the people on my old priv account if they my reblogs im sorry im so fucking sorry even if theyve forgotten by now i feel sick

#r/offmychest

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playboynanners · 1 year

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i wanna start off by telling u i am sorry!! i wanna tell u about all this crazy shit in my head, and want to open up and want to talk about my feelings but no matter what, i just cant make out the right words...? like it feels like cant properly put my thoughts and emotions into words i guess??

all i want to do right now is cry and scream and let it all out because its killing me inside. i cant take it anymore. i feel weird. i dont want to do anything. i always feel tired. i dont have any energy. a part of me broken. something is def weighing on my heart. i just feel so fucking suffocated. i feel like i am so far behind in life that i will never catch up. everyone is doing so many things with their lives. and i am just here. i really dont think i can do this its getting dark again. and im afraid. im too tired to carry on. i want MYSELF back bro is that too much to ask for? i deffff know its getting bad because even sleep and music dont help and i feel sick all the time and i just want to disappear. i really feel like there is no happy ending for me . thats why getting through the days is hard rayen i honestly from the bottom of my heart know its all for nothing. u guys are waiting for me to get over it, to finally do something with my life, and i know u guys are getting impatient. but what u guys dont know is that im already gone. i dont like who i am. there is nothing good about me. i am sick of wasting my time. i am worn out. i so fucking tired. the anxiety consumes me at times i feel like i cant breathe i cant think straight intrusive thoughts of self distraction consume my mind i am sooo fucking sick of this version of myself!!!!! im fucking tired of the poor choices i keep making. i truly believe i have hit rock bottom. this is the humblest i have ever been because my ego has nothing to be proud of. i know i knowww it is important to be gentle with myself but its also crucial to be honest. im not taking care of myself. im doing drugs, im on social media all day. i either dont eat healthy, or i dont eat at all. i dont exercise. i watch things that arent positive and go to sleep and wake up late. i am sick to my stomach as i write this. i just want to go up from here because i cant live this way anymore. i dont wanna live this way anymore. but like if you never felt like the way i do right now... the drained , depression . WORTHLESS feeling ... then u cant say shit about me "getting better starts with yourself bs" LIKE UH ? YEAH I HATE MYSELF AND DONT GIVE A FUCKKKKK ABOUT NUN SO WTF DOES THAT EVEN MEAN??? like i honestly didnt even think i would be alive at my age i thought i wouldve been dead by 20 so u can only imagine how lost i feel lol. i dont know what to do with my life and i feel like im just wasting away most days. and i dont fucking know how to fix it. maybe this is my time for me and im supposed to be enjoying it for exactly what it is? like i dunno i just know i always fucking ruin EVERYTHINGGGG . i casually sabotage all my positive relationships with negative delusions because my life doesnt feel real unless something dramatic and destructive is constantly occurring. i really want to kill whats inside of my head. i hate living like this day after day. i just want my pain to end bro . i see how everyone looks at me like i’m a burden, how they fake concern only to switch up at me the next second. i don’t want to be this way, im so lost and alone and i just don’t see the point anymore. this is the loneliest i have ever felt. i don't have a shoulder to cry on when im sad, i have got legit no one to go to. i have noooo tears left to cry dude. my heart hurts so much. my insides are burning. i dont know how to help myself. i legitimately try and i make it worse. i wanna scream all this hurt and pain out. can i just lose my memory just so i can take a break from feeling this way? im not sure how long i can handle this alone anymore all honesty .

AND i wouldnt say im "addicted" to drugs and alcohol (JUST YET lol) butttt what i hate about liking them is that once you know how that high feels and the break from reality you get from everything you will FOREVER know how good it felt and thats the problem. u can be days, months, years of being clean. but i know when you quit its gonna be hard years down the road. i would take it alllll back and not start doing any of it. it turns from "just one time trying it" to "i promise this is the last time" but all honestly i dont know how to stop or be normal in this world sober anymore.

and to sum it alllll up i just want / need someone who can hug me and tell me that im not as worthless as i think i am i feel so fucking empty sometimes and its so exhausting to feel nothing and everything at the same time.

#tw depressing thoughts #@hate myself #journal #made with tumblr #sad aesthetic #thoughts #depressing shit #love yourself #sociopath #kill me

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