#Image processing thesis

[bunnyboy-juice]

GAHHHH

[rmstitanics]

* GENERAL OBSERVATIONS, PART THREE.

ASTEROIDS & CELESTIAL BODIES

ASTEROID ORPHEUS (3361) CONJUNCT CHIRON may represent one who looks to their past for creative inspiration. They’ll often use their preferred form of art in an attempt to understand traumatizing events or process any emotions that may still linger.

ASTEROID APOLLO (1862) in the 8H could signify an individual who enjoys creating or consuming media about controversial and dark topics.

When I see ASTEROID PANDORA (55) in the 10H, I immediately wonder whether the individual with this placement has experienced some sort of chaos or crises regarding their public image. Maybe they’ve had traumatic experiences with their main circle of friends, or maybe they’ve even received some level of backlash on social media for a flawed interaction. Whatever these natives have endured, they probably yearn to control public perception of their character in an attempt to prevent misunderstandings.

Check which house ASTEROID ARISTOTELES (6123) is located in within your natal chart to find where you crave the most knowledge and wisdom! As an example, I have my Aristoteles asteroid in the 8H of transformative experiences, death, and “taboo” topics — and I’m now a practicing divination witch who enjoys paranormal investigation.

Due to difficulty with turning intuitive ideas into real achievements, 9H CHIRON individuals might find the process of outlining an essay or project to be particularly challenging. They’re the types of students who change their thesis a bunch of times before a paper’s due date.

PLANETS IN SIGNS & HOUSES

SATURN 1H placements might have people pleasing tendencies at some point in their lives due to a fear of never meeting others’ expectations.

SAGITTARIUS SATURNS likely grew up in households where one or both parents was strict and / or religious. The challenge awaiting these folks in life is to pursue exploration of knowledge outside of what was taught to them in their youth. They probably enjoy philosophy or history, and could possibly grow up to be spiritual but not religious.

LEO MERCURY placements, was your writing style ever described as “flowery” by your teachers or fellow students before? Because this placement TOTALLY gives me the vibes of a flowery and dramatic writing style.

One could theoretically use their JUPITER placement to discover two things: 1) The field of study where they have experienced the most growth throughout their academic career and / or 2) their best academic subject. To do this, look at Jupiter’s degrees and house. I have CANCER JUPITER placed in the 9TH HOUSE in my chart, and I absolutely adore law, history, and philosophy! However, I’ve had to undergo the most growth in Cancerian concepts such as life skills in the home and actively listening to others.

CAPRICORN JUPITERS are prone to having a “the end justifies the means” philosophy when it comes to achieving their goals. They also might struggle with perspective taking / putting themselves in others’ shoes, particularly when they perceive the individual in question as someone outside of what they consider “normal”.

6H MOONS strike me as the type who love being around animals MUCH more than they love being around people, especially if the majority of their personal planets are in a water sign.

ASPECTS

SUN SQUARE URANUS indicates memorable students whose teachers / professors will remember them for many years to come.

Hard MERCURY-PLUTO aspects could struggle with maintaining a consistent routine for studying, especially if Mercury is in retrograde in the chart.

MERCURY TRINE JUPITER placements LOVE yapping in class, but it’ll either be with their peers while the teacher is talking or by frequent class participation. If you’re the class participation type, you’ve probably had a teacher say “does anyone OTHER than (your name) know the answer?” before 😭

Although this placement does make for great activists who are not afraid to call out injustice when they see it, LILITH CONJUNCT MERCURY folks NEED to prioritize being tactful due to a natural tendency to bluntly say whatever’s on their mind with no filter.

SATURN-NEPTUNE aspects need to practice intense discernment when it comes to politics — fact check everything and don’t just believe everything you see / hear on the internet or news without taking the time to research it for yourself!

Hard ASCENDANT-SUN aspects tend to be noticeably different people in public versus private spaces. Your first impression of them will likely be VERY different from the truth of the person that they are behind closed doors.

MIDHEAVEN OPPOSITE VENUS placements are amazingly creative individuals whose art may play a major role in their own identity, but they simultaneously might have a major fear of sharing that art with others. Peer review in class is an absolute NIGHTMARE for them.

[inbabylontheywept]

minor update to the twerk-thineself-to-god, the-silence-is-the-answer post:

last week's sesh was the party finally entering the temple of a long dead dragon god. i basically just threw all of the weird esoteric symbolism that i know at them. everything in the temple was colored in alternating bands of black, white, red, black, white, red, with the black sections always having bas relief imagery of various afterlifes, the white images having intaglio relief images of the physical plane, and the red images showing hybridizations of the two.

like, the black section migth have flies buzzing over a field of slaughter, and the white section might show birds flying around a field of ripened grain, but then the red section might show horrific birds with fly eyes, or fly wings, or flies with bird wings and birds. just unsettling stuff like that. with all the fly parts jutting out of the stone, but all the bird parts being carved in.

idea was references to the alchemical processes nigredo, albedo, and rubedo, and the general dialectic processes of thesis, anthesis, synthesis, being applied to life and death. make something that isn't alive, or dead, or undead.

i didn't have a plan for this at the time, i just think it's neat and sets a very unsettling atmosphere.

boss arena was just a giant laboratory. the boss was a divine/arcane type caster that was trying to assemble a dragon shaped flesh golem about of hundreds of scavenged corpses. dragon golem was huge and a different motif i'd thrown in earlier to the campaign were these parasitic red crystals that they'd find growing off some corpses in the wood. sometimes partially harvested. sometimes found in living things that were insanely aggressive. again, no real plan, just creepy shit for its own sake. they'd kill people infested with the crystals and they'd babble about how it had made it too quiet to think. how good it felt to be able to think again, outside that silence.

anyway, i said the crystals were being used as scales for the false-dragon and they were all like AAAAAAAAAAAAAA

cue boss fight. still trying to figure out what to do with the silence thing. one of them gets downed. they're unconscious but they're not dead. cues my idea. i tell the unconscious guy he wakes up in a sort of silent pocket dimension. between life and death. and that there is something there with him. something huge.

so i had run like crazy around the purgatory space, trying to avoid the living-god dreaming-death mystery thing before it eats his soul, while the party fought the priest of that thing and killed it. then they could give him a healing pot. first thing he did after regaining consciousness was start babbling about the the silence and the dead god. they almost killed him again because they thought he was getting possessed or something. might come back to that later. it's a good idea to have in my pocket.

anyway, that's how flying by the seat of my pants is going. next session is loot divvying and heading back to town for R&R. the wizard in the group is super interesting in making golems, and the lab is like. perfectly set up for making flesh golems. so mayhaps i will try to lead him down the path of evil mayhaps. i think wizards think about the idea of rebuilding an avatar for an evil dragon god the same way that physicists think about building nuclear bombs, namely that it's neat, and probably unethical, but also, not the kind of thing one passes up the chance to do.

[iridescentmirrorsgenshin]

okay but the fact that we hear all about kaveh's life post-fall out with alhaitham, the fact he graduated, worked at construction firms and continued taking on others' burdens, had a hard time finding solo work because of how arts are perceived in sumeru, that he went to his mother's wedding in fontaine, that he took a vacation from work because he was stifled by the environment and felt he had lost motivation and worth as an artist, was determined to complete the palace of alcazarzaray at the cost of everything he owned just to have a tangible object of his efforts and view of art only for its outcome to further emaciate him, until he meets alhaitham for the first time in years, is understood at once, has no need to don a front as he does for everyone else in his life, is listened to, is challenged once more and reinvigorated in his perception of his ideals, is offered a second chance, a home, and accepts it, although he cannot comprehend why alhaitham would offer such a thing and yet not ask anything of relevant substance in return, other than rent

all of this, and we hear virtually nothing of alhaitham's life post-fall out with kaveh, besides his graduation and his taking on the job of the scribe. his character stories omit this part of his life whereas kaveh's is full of detail and emotion, mostly suffering. the first instance we see of alhaitham in this time is from kaveh's perspective when the two meet again in the tavern, and in this alhaitham endeavours to understand kaveh once more, before offering his house - the research centre previously allocated to the both of them for the success of their joint thesis before they fell apart - to kaveh.

we don't know why alhaitham moved out of his grandmother's house and into the research centre, why he renovated it from a research centre into a livable home, only that he did so after kaveh informed alhaitham through a third party that he was not in need of a house, nor do we know his thought processes and emotions in the years spent apart - the years that are carefully documented in kaveh's character stories. the image we are presented with is that of stasis; alhaitham pursues no other close friendships, he works as the scribe, owns a nice house within sumeru, is financially secure, and functions within, and carries out, his own ideals - is content with this way of life. in this, from alhaitham's perspective, there are no details necessary to give from this time

but in inviting kaveh to live with him, his character stories tell us that what he gains by doing so is the mirror of himself, both in personality and scholarly thinking, and in this, he is able to gain an enhanced view of the world, which otherwise would be limited. with kaveh being present in alhaitham's life, alhaitham believes that his vision is perfected, whereas it could not be before, with kaveh's absence. it is in this that we hear what alhaitham has been missing in his life, and ultimately, it is kaveh, not just as a scholar, but as a person

what is omitted from alhaitham's character stories is provided in kaveh's character stories; where we hear about kaveh's struggles, we don't hear about alhaitham's. perhaps this is because alhaitham did not struggle as kaveh did in terms of realising and achieving his ideals, but instead his struggles were in silence, recognising that his vision, and himself, had been compromised because he had rejected the ideals that served to enhance his own vision, that he had inadvertently rejected, and thus had been rejected by, kaveh.

[reason-with-the-underdog]

workaholic kaveh (bc career>therapy)

love the hc where kaveh, fresh off the heels of the thesis breakup w alhaitham, basically just launches himself into massive overwork

bc u can't dwell if u're constantly working! 🧠

after the palace of alcazarzaray's second rebuild, that was the first free time he's had in years

bc he had to probably do a ton of extra work for graduation after their thesis failed, he mentions in his vl's that he was overworked by his seniors at his first job post-graduation, and he achieved a TON portfolio-wise in the 5-10 years since he left the akademiya

the benefit of all this overwork is:

his reputation is GREAT even tho his clients grumble about his attention to aesthetics🙄

he doesn't need to think about his personal problems! at all! absolutely no time for that!!

which includes never needing to reflect on the roots of the breakup

so in the wake of his self-inflicted bankruptcy post-palace construction... the workaholic that is kaveh finally has free time

and he has absolutely no idea what to do with it

and he's not comfortable bc he's:

bankrupt

homeless

alternating between being incredibly day drunk/hung over

finishing a massive creative project is just EXHAUSTING. like so much energy and passion and emotional investment was put into that palace, and now he's getting congratulated for the palace while also having to pretend like he's totally hanging around a tavern 24/7 bc he WANTS to be there (and not for any other reason)

and with free time to think about, well, everything

oh how the insecurities & anxieties & Bad Thoughts start to creep in🥲

but who can kaveh talk to about this? he can't let anyone know he's ruined by his greatest work yet (he can't let the palace be tarnished by his bankruptcy)

but kaveh's also incredibly strong emotionally, despite all of his troubles

he's able to redesign the 2nd floor of lambad's tavern in literally less than the 2 weeks he stayed there, and he kept up his social image of the famed architect celebrating a masterpiece of the ages

i think a lot about how kaveh seems uncomfortable in times of rest and tranquility... that bad hours and urgent deadlines and a too big workload done pro bono (for free) feels easier/more natural...

aka why he's so good at denial & Not Thinking about certain facts in his life 🙈

such as why alhaitham might have extended a helping hand and offered his home to kaveh without seeming to get much in return...

altho as part of kaveh's character arc, which includes reconciling with alhaitham post-PoP, he later starts to have an inkling...

the big question ofc is will he process /why/ alhaitham helped 😆

but in general i think keeping busy as a way to Not Think contributed a great deal to why kaveh's relationship and reactions to alhaitham's behaviors/words changes so much from when we first meet him in the Sumeru AQ to now (his bday letter anyways)

consider this:

alhaitham had 2+ years of akademiya after the thesis breakup (less if he graduated early ig, but regardless, years) without his most significant friend/influence/confidant around so he had a lot of time to process what happened and to make changes from then

meanwhile kaveh's constantly caught off guard by the differences in his expectations of how alhaitham would react (based off of akademiya-era alhaitham)

vs alhaitham's current-day behavior

like ofc its normal that people change after several years and after not being in school, but kaveh basically froze himself and his understandings of alhaitham's character in time, like a fly in amber

so he has to make much more obvious changes in his behavior to catch up on all those lost years, which we see happening in real time in canon!

alhaitham changes too (look at him distracting kaveh from his depression like a champ in kaveh's hangout! uh huh he really heard us thru his noise cancelling headphones? 🤨)

but they're more subtle shifts

anyways hyv did so good when they cooked up kaveh and alhaitham dkfdlijdk

[herohimbowhore]

2023 Special Helmets: An Analysis

Helmets are where we get to see the creativity and personality of drivers come alive. Not too long ago, I looked at and analyzed the normal helmets that all 22 drivers wore. That analysis was heavily focused on color because there isn't much room for creativity in those helmets and color is one of the main things that drivers can play around with to show their individuality and creativity.

However, with the special helmets drivers wear during the season, we see much more about the drivers and their creativity.

In the 2023 season, there were 23 events (with the 22 grand prix weekends and preseason testing) in which a special helmet could be worn, and with 20 drivers on the grid at any given event, there was potential for 460 special helmets. Obviously, every driver isn't going to have a special helmet for every single event.

However, there were 114 instances (that I was able to identify) in which drivers wore a special helmet. Or 114/460 = 0.248 = 24.8% Which is a far cry from the days were drivers were only allowed one special helmet per season.

Methodology

After combing through social media posts, news articles, images from race weekends, and different sessions, I was able to identify 114 instances in which the 22 drivers who participated in the 2023 season wore a helmet that was not their "normal" helmet. I went through this process approximately three times to ensure that I didn't miss anything, but I was doing a lot of this during the end of my thesis and finals time, so there might be some things I missed. In which case please do let me know.

All of this data was put into a spreadsheet:

The next step was to organize the data and find the meanings given by the drivers for why they wore the special helmets. This again meant more time for social media posts and news articles.

With the data gathered, there was a need for analysis. While the individual stories behind the helmets are very interesting on their own, they don't tell us much about special helmets as a whole.

The first method of analysis was the number of special helmets per driver. While it sounds straightforward, some drivers did reuse special helmets for more than one race.

The next method of analysis was the number of special helmets per event. Though in the spreadsheet, the Qatar GP and sprint are separately listed due to Pierre having two helmets that weekend, I did count it as one event because it is the only instance in which two helmets were worn in one weekend.

The last method of analysis was the reasoning for the special helmet. In this, the possible reasons for the helmet were considered. Essentially, what was the reason for having a special helmet - as it was given by the driver/team/helmet design?

For this last analysis, I created 21 different reasonings based on the data I had gathered during the research phase. Most of the helmets fit into more than one of the following reasons:

Host Tribute: The helmet heavily features a design related to the city or country they are racing in. It somehow is a tribute to the host.

Team Home Race: The helmet was worn during a race in which the team is somehow based. This could also be a main sponsor home race, i.e., Honda or Alfa Romeo.

Inaugural Race: The first time a race was held at the location.

Home Race: A race in the country that the driver was born in, races for, etc.

Sponsor Collaboration: A driver partnered with a sponsor and it is clearly visible in the design.

Vibes: There's no explanation that I could find.

Livery Match: The helmet features design elements similar to a one-off/special livery.

Team Milestone: The race is a major milestone for the team and the driver has some sort of tribute for it.

Tribute Helmet: The helmet is meant to be a tribute to someone(s) special to the driver. Could be F1-related people or people that are special in their personal livers.

Race Milestone: The race is a major milestone for the driver.

WDC: This one is just for Max Verstappen and the helmet he was gifted by Red Bull after winning the WDC in Qatar.

Artist Collaboration: The driver worked with an artist that was specifically stated.

Night Race: This was only used if I could not find any other explanation for the helmet, and it featured either glitter or chrome.

Race Beginnings Tribute: The explanation for the helmet somehow relates it back to the beginnings of their racing career. Color or design elements from first helmets.

Team Tribute: The helmet is meant to show love and appreciation for the team.

Movie Release Collaboration: The helmet corresponds to a movie that is soon to be released.

Honorary Home Race: While not the driver's home race, the country has become like home and/or taken them in as one of their own.

Investor Tribute: Helmet showcases something meaningful to a team investor.

Embodies the Samurai Spirit: Fernando Alonso's samurai tattoo and love for Samurai culture.

Comeback Race: This was only used for Daniel Ricciardo in Hungary because there was no other reason for the special honey badger on the back of his helmet and it quite clearly said "I'm Back."

Last Race: While Abu Dhabi was a night race, the helmet used during the race did not feature glitter or chrome. It was just a special design different from the normal helmet worn.

There was a caveat with the host tribute and team home race. A helmet that featured location-specific designs was either counted as a host tribute or a team home race. So a Haas driver with a special helmet In the US would be considered for a team home race, not a host tribute, whereas a Ferrari driver with a US-themed helmet would be considered a host tribute. Additionally, for the Las Vegas Grand Prix, special helmets were considered as inaugural race helmets, not host tributes. Unless it was for the Haas drivers, in which case it was a team home race and inaugural race helmet.

Analysis

How Many Special Helmets Were There Per Driver?

There were a total of 114 instances in which a special helmet was worn. However, there were not 114 different special helmets worn. In quite a few cases a special helmet design was repeated over 2 or more race weekends.

Max Verstappen wore a special helmet at 10 different race weekends, but for five of those weekends, he was wearing his WDC helmet. The WDC helmet was given to him after winning the championship during the Sprint race. It was then worn for the Qatar Grand Prix, in Austin, Mexico, Brazil, and Abu Dhabi. So while he wore a special helmet for 10 race weekends, there were only 6 different special helmet designs worn by him. Sergio Perez wore a special helmet at 5 different race weekends. Unlike his fellow Red Bull driver, he did not repeat a special helmet during the season. Each helmet had a distinct design to fit the race weekend.

Charles Leclerc wore a special helmet at 7 different race weekends, whereas Carlos Sainz wore a special helmet at 5 different race weekends. Neither Ferrari driver repeated a special helmet design during the season.

Lewis Hamilton had 2 special helmets during the 2023 season - the second least amount of special helmets for a driver who raced for the entire season. As such, he did not repeat any special helmet designs. Meanwhile, George Russell wore a special helmet at 3 different events. However, he only had 2 distinct designs as the special helmets for testing and the Bahrain Grand Prix were the same.

Lando Norris wore a special helmet at 7 different race weekends. However, he wore the same special helmets for Monaco and Spain, which happened to correlate with the McLaren Triple Crown special livery for those weekends. Oscar Piastri wore a special helmet at 5 different race weekends. Like his teammate, he wore the same special helmets for Monaco and Spain which correlated with the Triple Crown livery.

Esteban Ocon wore a special helmet at 11 different race weekends, which was the most special helmets worn by a driver. However, while he wore the most special helmets, Esteban did wear the same helmet for 4 weekends (testing, Bahrain GP, Saudi Arabia, and Australia). The Baku helmet was the same as his regular helmet, but instead of black lines, he had white lines. So, Esteban did have the most special helmets, it was largely due to a repeat of special helmets at the beginning of the season. There were only 8 distinct special helmet designs. Pierre Gasly wore 8 special helmets during the 2023 season. Each special helmet had a distinct design, Pierre even went so far as to have 2 different special helmets for the Qatar race weekend.

Fernando Alonso wore 3 special helmets during the 2023 season and was one of the few drivers who did not have a special helmet design for his home Grand Prix. Teammate Lance Stroll had 4 special helmet designs for the 2023 season.

Valtteri Bottas had 9 special helmets for the 2023 season and no repeats at any point in the year. He had the most distinct special helmets. Notably, most of Valtteri's special helmets were designed by professional cyclist and partner, Tiffany Cromwell. While Alfa Romeo had been largely forgotten during the season, Valtteri's helmets were extremely memorable with the fun and creative designs. Zhou Guanyu had 6 special helmets for the 2023 season and there were no repeats in special helmets. However, at least one design was the same as his regular helmet but with the colors changed to fit the race weekend.

Nico Hulkenberg wore 6 special helmets during the season. However, his special helmets for Austin and Las Vegas are seemingly the same helmet, while the Abu Dhabi helmet was his normal helmet but with chrome where it used to be white. Kevin Magnussen also had 6 special helmets for the 2023 season. Each helmet was distinct in its design, however like Nico, the Abu Dhabi helmet was his regular helmet with chrome details where it had been white.

Alex Albon had 5 special helmets for the 2023 season. Alex used the same special helmet for Silverstone and Hungary, otherwise the 799th and 800th races for Williams. Logan Sargeant had the least special helmets for a driver who participated in all 22 races with just 1 for his home race of Miami.

Yuku Tsunoda had 6 special helmets for the 2023 season. However, 3 of the special helmets were his regular helmet, but with different colors to fit the race weekends. Daniel Ricciardo had 4 special helmets for the 2023 season. However, he wore the Las Vegas helmet for Abu Dhabi as well. Nyck De Vries had 1 special helmet and Liam Lawson had no special helmets.

In the end, there were a total of 101 distinct special helmet designs worn in total.

How Many Special Helmets Were There Per Race?

For this analysis, there were a total of 23 weekends that a special helmet could have been worn - testing and 22 races.

Of the 23 weekends, there was only one event that had no special helmets from any driver. Austria was the only race without at least one special helmet for the entirety of the weekend. Considering that Austria is the home race for Red Bull and the race was at the Red Bull Ring, it was somewhat surprising to see that there were no special helmets by any of the Red Bull drivers.

The race with the most special helmets was the Las Vegas Grand Prix. It was the inaugural race and 16 of the 20 drivers had a special helmet for the race weekend that either fit the Vegas vibe or was glittery/chrome for the night race. A consistent theme was that the American races had the most special helmets. In Miami, 11 drivers had special helmets, and in Austin, 9 drivers had special helmets. I believe that this could largely be due to sponsors and a push towards engaging the US markets. Additionally, it was only the second race in Miami and COTA has always been a race that drivers/teams go all out for.

Also, notably, Qatar had 3 special helmets, but only 2 drivers due to Pierre Gasly having 2 different special helmets for the weekend. He had one for the sprint and one for the Grand Prix.

How Many Special Helmets Were There Per Reason?

As I mentioned above, 21 different reasons were given for wearing a special helmet. In most cases, there were multiple reasons or explanations for why a driver chose a special helmet for a race weekend. Some reasons were much more common than others.

Most commonly, drivers chose to wear a special helmet to honor the city or country they were racing in. These helmets had some sort of design elements that paid tribute to the city or country. So think of the Monaco helmets. A lot of them featured iconic parts of the city. For example, Valtteri Bottas' helmet, while Pac-Man themed had different parts of the Monaco track like the tunnel and piscine. Kevin Magnussen's Monaco helmet also featured iconic Monaco imagery.

The next most common reason was an inaugural race special helmet with 16 of the 20 drivers having a special helmet for Las Vegas.

Home races were also a very common reason for a special helmet, whether it was for a team home race (15), a driver's home race (10), or an honorary home race (2).

There were a lot of milestones celebrated this year for teams and drivers when it came to the number of races that they'd completed. Most notably, Williams reached 800 races, Lando Norris competed in 100 races (as did George Russell, while he did not have a special helmet for the occasion, Mercedes did release vintage-style merch that coincided with George's 100th race weekend), and Charles Leclerc reached 100 race entries with Ferrari the same weekend as Lando and George. While Charles did have a special helmet for the race weekend, it was not originally for that purpose. The original meaning behind his football field special helmet was a host tribute, but when his race milestone was brought up he attributed the green of the football field to Italian pop singer Gianni Morandi's green meadow where hopes are born and connected it to Ferrari.

Concluding Remarks

Special helmets reveal so much about drivers and what they deem important or worthy of a special helmet. Each special helmet is unique in its own way.

Something I found very interesting is that of the 11 drivers who wore special helmets in Miami, only Nico Hulkenberg did not have a hint of pink on his helmet. While still very Miami, he didn't have the iconic pink color that the other 10 drivers did. And while that can mean absolutely nothing, looking at that in context to his tweet about the pink Force India, it's a little bit more than just not having pink on his helmet.

Or based on Fernando Alonso's Japan helmet, you could go into the connection he's had with Samurais and his back tattoo and nickname.

These special helmets open new avenues to understanding how drivers think and which narratives they want to highlight. There may not be extensive stories to tell with each helmet, but a good chunk of them can take you down a few different paths to understand either the drivers or the teams that they drive for.

And finally, after looking at 101 different helmet designs, here are some of my personal favorites

Share your favorite helmets or least favorite helmets - I have pictures of all the ones used for this analysis in the Google Docs link attached.

Notes for Special Helmets: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1WWx8gVzkMzy_l6zwG0u1Vx2mAzPOjK3LqOLaz8z6v3w/edit?usp=sharing (I may have been a hater during some of my notes, but in my defense, I was tipsy and I'd looked at a lot of helmets and articles)

2023 Helmets Analysis

[mulders-too-large-shirt]

s6 episode 10 "tithonus" thoughts

hmm… scully seems to be black and white in the image for this episode. maybe she has had this power to turn greyscale the whole time and she has simply never chosen to wield it until now. how fascinating of her!

ah, i see that the one after this is likely a two-parter, based on titles alone. so i had better focus now before things get crazy.

the description here emphasizes that scully will be the one pursuing this photographer!! i hope that bodes well for our girl!! i need lots of scully time!! or else terrible things happen to me!!

post-episode thoughts: we need to release the cut of this episode where mulder and scully team up to destroy this ritter fellow. i know mulder had to physically restrain himself from choking that dude out. frankly, he usually has FAR less self-control, so this was a big step for him.

but first and foremost, this was a scully episode. and there is so much i want to say. about living!! and dying!! and loving!! and what scully wants for herself!!! and i am sad, but i am pondering!!! and i want her to be happy!!! and in the process of editing my notes, i got myself so worked up over the whole thing that i simply cannot articulate anything!!!! which is such a shame, because if i had words, i would use them!!! at length!!

we open in new york city, where a woman gets help pushing a shopping cart out of an elevator to deliver some mail. mail time!!! wait. who is behind her?

get away from her. she is working. STOP FOLLOWING HER. I’M SERIOUS. now the elevator is taking too long to come get her…. and the creepy guy gets in. GET OUT OF THERE. YOU’RE MAKING ME ANGRY.

why can creepy man see everyone in black and white? until he steps out of the elevator, and all of the color returns.

oh shoot. he gets out and then the elevator starts breaking. so he takes the STAIRS. and it falls!!!! 

he’s taking a picture of the collapsed elevator?? with the bodies in it??? 

now who does that help….?

why is he documenting it… is he working for OSHA or something…..? 

shortened intro, you will not sneak your tricks past me.

someone else is doing a background check here at the FBI!! are scully and mulder free?? well, they’re stuck on the same floor, so probably not. mulder is on the phone and fiddling with his pen.

no; they, too, are sadly stuck performing background checks. this is so sad!!! she can save lives!!!! and they use her for this!!!

she asks if mulder is ready to quit and he says “no. that would make way too many people way too happy” <- LMAO well, that is entirely understandable

ohhh, she gets a strange call and is on the move. she was asked to go to kersh’s office!! this cannot be good!! he hates her!! and she was the only one called!

OOO, WE SEE HER FILE. she’s 5 foot 2!!! i didn’t know that!!! but i figured she was somewhere in that area. and she lives in annapolis, maryland. like learning that mulder lives in alexandria, i do not know enough about geography to know what that means.

seems she was brought on in 1990 as an instructor of forensic pathology, and she was recruited right from the university of maryland. i did know this. but not the years during which it happened. 

ARGH, i wish this screen wasn’t so dark so i could SEE. it says something about physics. BA in physics?? ARGH! this is so frustrating. mulder had described her thesis as her “graduate thesis”, so maybe she did physics undergrad, physics grad school, then med school, then FBI. 

well. it’s not focusing other than that, so i can’t make any conclusions unless kersh announces what he sees inside. because he is the one reading her file.

some agent named ritter is here from new york. who are you, man? he found an old crime scene photo of a woman who passed away from an overdose. but the clock in the photo is 45 minutes earlier than her listed time of death. scully points out that a clock can be wrong. why is this ritter man, like, quizzing her?

hmm!!! from the newspaper, the other photograph of the body shows a totally different time, an hour and a half later!!! that is very weird. from the same photographer, too. i’m guessing he wasn’t just hanging there for 2 hours and spacing out his picture taking.

alfred fellig is the photographer. ritter thinks that maybe he poisoned the woman and photographed her for personal pleasure, then came back later to do his job for the police and photographed her AGAIN. and while scully says that is “quite a theory”, there are 3 other photos of fellig's that show very different times according to different negatives.

she says there’s no consistent MO, and he says there is no consistent anything. and he wants her help. kersh asks him to leave. what is afoot here….

“i would say he has a promising career ahead of him. so did you… at one time” <- OH MY GOD??? 

(furious scully face)

“AGENT MULDER and i will begin immediately” <- OH!!! she stood right up for him!!! what a good friend!!

but kersh says he is a lost cause. and that he hopes she isn't as well.

so now she has to go to new york city with this RANDOM GUY. oh, i’m pissed off FOR HER!! kersh must be trying to separate them….

fellig is getting off a bus and watching some guy have what appears to be a heart attack. heart attack (or coughing fit? chest pain?) guy is in black and white!! 

he goes somewhere and gets some mail, patting his head with a cloth while fellig watches out the window. and he grabs his arm!! and falls!!!! AND FELLIG COMES CLOSER TO WATCH????

he pulls out his camera and takes a bunch of pictures of the dying guy, who he sees in black and white. very weird.

mulder is looking through a bunch of photos on his computer. ohhh, it looks like he found the pictures from fellig. “mulder. what are you doing?” “being nosy. eating my heart out. they’re sending you on an x file” <- OHHH, HE LOOKS SO SAD AND LEFT OUT :(

“it’s not an x file” “that’s not what i’m reading”

“i’m thinking murder by telekinesis. i’m thinking maybe a shamanistic death touch. i’m thinking about the muslim superstition that to photograph someone is to steal their soul” <- OHHH, LET HIM ON THE CASE :( 

fascinating look into how he starts gathering leads based on the little information he knows about the case and his wealth of memorized strange facts....

he thinks they’re splitting them up!!!! and he’s so sad!!! oh!! she tries to tell him it’s a one-time thing, but he isn’t buying it.

she bites her lip, closes his tabs as agent ritter walks in, and introduces them. he very visibly wants to beat the guy with a hammer. and makes a point of calling him by his first name.

jump to new york city. ritter and scully are asking some cops about fellig. he has yearly renewals for his job a very long time, and he’s been doing it since 1964!!! he doesn’t seem to have aged. 

OH! this ritter guy seems fine enough, but he called her "dana", and that made me flinch. he doesn’t seem to think it’s that weird fellig hasn’t aged at all.

meanwhile, some other dude is being chased and calling for help. whoever is chasing him pulls out a knife and kills him!!! and fellig is there to take pictures of the scene!!

but the murderer finds fellig and starts stabbing him…… he steals fellig’s camera as the blood pours everywhere. but fellig gets up!!! and pulls the knife out of his own back!!! ack!!!! 

the blood from his body is red and didn’t cause any gassing, so i don’t think he’s one of the shape-shifting aliens, but maybe he’s some sort of vampire or vampire-like creature?? maybe he sucks energies from the photos of dying people he takes??

ritter and scully find the knife with fellig’s prints on them.

“what’s this?” “a whole lotta blood” “yeah, i got that” <- LMAOOOOO, do not separate her from her bonded pair or she will be mad. scully clearly does not think there is a second victim because there is no second body.

ritter says it is “january 4th”. so does this take place BEFORE rain king, somehow? or did we jump ahead a year? you know what? i’m gonna try not to think about it. 

that seems like a weird detail to include for it to just prove the timeline wrong.

(i'm still annoyed about this 24 hours later btw)

they’re interviewing fellig. scully watches from the corner. he says he saw someone stealing a kid’s shoes and tried to run him off. he claims he touched the knife after the murderer left. 

OHHH, she picks up on the fact that he is in pain and is closing in on him like a shark smelling blood. yeahhhh, noir detective. ritter seems fascinated by this but like, come on, we all are. he’s not special.

fellig confesses to being cut. and she helps take off his shirt to see the gashes. ritter says to get his blood drawn and take pictures.

“hey, i’m confused. i thought we were trying to bust this guy, not look for reasons to let him go” “i thought we were looking for the truth” <-YEAH, YOU TELL HIM 🔥 

he gets pissed and leaves

AWWWWW, MULDER CALLS HER AND SAYS IN A STUPID VOICE THAT THEY USED TO SIT NEXT TO EACH OTHER AT THE FBI :,) AWWWW, LOOK AT HER TIRED SMILE!!!

WAIT, WHY DOES HE KNOW ABOUT THE STABBING, LMAO????? “i told you, i’m nosy” <- WHAT DOES HE KNOW??

they found another murderer’s prints on the knife and fellig’s blood all over the place… yeah. so fellig probably isn’t killing these people outright.

DID HE HACK INTO THE NYPD DATABASE SOMEHOW?? LMAOOOOO???

NO, HE GOT THE FILES FROM KERSH SOMEHOW, AND HE SEES THAT FELLIG HAS A HEALING FACTOR. LMAOOOO, oh he is gonna get in TROUBLE!!

but he says kersh has (mostly) nice things to say about her. which is kind of him to add.

he whines his way into doing a background check on the murderer, saying it’s what he does now. and you can tell she wants to say no, but also knows that saying no to him won’t do a damn thing, lmao.

why does he have access to kersh’s files….?

scully is joining ritter in a car at 1 am. seems he’s doing a stakeout on fellig. ritter tells her to have a LOVELY evening in a way that seems like he really hates her. man. i thought he was kinda chill at the start of this episode. except for the way he was quizzing her. and ignoring fellig not aging. maybe he was a jerk all along and i simply tried to be kind.

time for scully to flip through some more murder photos. OH NO!! she hears the camera clicking in the distance… and ritter just walked away!!! IS HE GONNA BE DEAD???

she knocks on fellig’s door and says “explain this” LMAO, get those answers!! how did he take a photo of a murder an hour before the police arrived?! 

she says he needs to explain himself or he will not know a moment’s peace. and trust that she means it.

fellig says to take a ride with her, which has me scared. and then he drives her around for an hour!!! he says he is looking for the shot. 

he finds a woman on the street corner, saying she’s about to die, could be a minute, could be an hour. scully grabs her gun, thinking he’s going to do something nefarious. he says the way they die is always a surprise- he just always knows when. 

“you want me to believe that?”, she asks

but then a man comes toward the woman on the side of the road, and they start fighting. scully gets out of the car! and she grabs the dude!!! he is under arrest!!! i fear she may only fulfill the prophecy somehow… 

she takes a gun off of him, and when he claims it isn’t his and calls her “red”, she slaps him on the face, omfg…. just a little slap…. but it was enough

BUT NO!!! when scully goes to ask the lady on the side of the road if she’s okay, the mystery woman gets hit by a truck!!!

OMG????? and fellig comes in to get the shot…

ritter is mad as HELL with scully when she rolls up with this random dude under arrest. she is also very mad at him!!! she does not need his permission to do her job!!! but he says he has something to show her. 

the murderer who killed that kid over the shoes claims that fellig did it. and scully accuses RITTER of making the STORY UP, OHHHH!!!

“fellig is a murderer. whether or not he did this specific one, i don‘t care-“ WELL, YOU SHOULD???

omfg… is this some sort of moral test for scully? is kersh torturing her like this is the good place? he says he knows the judge and he’ll get the warrant

OHHHH!!! “you know, kersh warned me about you.” “uh, he did?” “yeah, you and your partner. god knows his reputation precedes him, so i guess i should have seen this coming. you muck up my case, and kersh will hear about it. are we clear, dana?” “scully.”

WHEW!!!! THE WAY SHE SAID HER NAME ALL CLEAR AND QUIET GAVE ME GOOSEBUMPS

you tell that pathetic rat.

“and we’re done with this conversation” YES MA’AM 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥

wow. still playing this on loop in my brain, 24 hours later. the implications... the defining of herself... the resistance... yeah.

phone call time!! it’s mulder!!! she admits that it is an x file, which prompts him to sound worried. “what happened?”

mulder says that fellig is 149! under the name henry strand, someone applied for a press license way back in the day, and henry’s prints match fellig’s!! and before henry, there is an L.H. rice who was born in 1849 and has the same fingerprints!!

how did he track the fingerprints down… get mulder out of this office and into a research lab, maybe!

“i’m not good at math, but i figure that’s a whole lot of candles on the cake”

! MULDER LORE REVEAL ! he doesn’t think he’s good at math!!!

man, i haven’t gotten to do a lore reveal text format like that in a while. that felt nice.

scully finds fellig's age hard to believe, but mulder says she should find him before he vanishes again. she turns up at his apartment and looks so scary, LMAO. 

but she warns him that he will be arrested in 2 hours and charged with murder. which makes her seem to be the the good guy here, and not as scary as her angry face would suggest.

fellig says he just takes the pictures, but she hits him with “what you showed me was a contemptible lack of compassion for another human being. you showed me that you profit off of people’s deaths” <- OHHHH, GET HIM!! that strong moral code kicks in again!

“now, why shouldn’t you go to prison?” <- oooo, she’s playing hardball. but he says they’re lucky!!! and he doesn’t take them, “he” does. girl, who the hell is "he"?

fellig must be jealous that these other people can die… 

scully follows him into his darkroom. i feel such fondness for her as she moves the curtain. 

he points to someone in the photograph and says “he’s the one who takes them” BUT WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?! 

it’s a glimpse of death itself. he’s trying to photograph death!!!

“mr. fellig, i know you know more about photography than i do, but this is just a lens flare” “you’re right, i do know more about photography than you” <- LMAO, okay, that did make me laugh.

she asks him why take a picture of death, and he says he wants to look into his face so he can die. nothing will kill him. he's tried it all.

hey man, i’m unfortunately really distracted by the terrible feelings of tenderness that scully has sparked in me right at this very moment. yeah, idk. i don’t really want to focus on this guy right now. it’s very sad, genuinely, but look at her face. 

he says he doesn’t want to be here, and he got left behind. 

“you know, i don’t believe you” “yes you do. that’s why you’re here” <- OHHHH, he called her out…. the cracks in her disbeliever facade keep growing… is it that she doesn’t believe him, or that her greater commitment to needing to know the truth and therefore do the morally correct thing in handling this murder case brought her here?? can they be separated???

she flips through his photos, touching one of a young flapper. she asks how he knows when they’ll die, and he says he knows.

scully has to step outside. and she calls mulder, asking if louis brady (name on the flapper photo) was also one of fellig's names. he says no, but there is a big gap before 1939, so it could be.

but somehow, fellig disappeared!!! just kidding, he’s back. he wanted to get his film. i thought he vanished for a few seconds there.

mulder is in the FBI archives at 9:30 am. ahhh, i wish i could go there. and he finds fellig’s photo!! it shows him wanted under the name louis brady for double murder!!!

mulder calls ritter when he learns of this news, because he cannot get ahold of her. he tells him about how fellig killed two patients and walked away!!! he tells him to find agent scully NOW. and ritter, of course, is shocked that this murder happened like 80 years ago, but whatever. you better go check on her, ritter.

meanwhile, scully is still with fellig. she asks “how can you have too much life? there’s too much to learn, to experience” and this hits hard because she, of course, was very recently dying.

(moaning in pain as i think about scully wanting to experience and learn everything there is this world has to offer.......)

he says you start to wonder what everyone else gets to know

OH, SHE ASKS ABOUT LOVE??? he wanted to look up his wife 40 years ago. and he couldn’t remember her name. 

(scully, you damn romantic...)

“love lasts 75 years, if you’re lucky. and you don’t want to be around when it’s gone” <- oh stop… you’re going to make her cry…

but, is he actually going to try and kill her…..?

WAIT! she turned black and white… and tells her to count her blessings.

IS HE GOING TO KILL HER BECAUSE HE WANTS TO HELP HER???

(author's note: no)

she wants to know how to prove his thing- that he can live forever, and that he can sense when people are going to die before they do. fellig says someone took his place. he had yellow fever. and he’s getting his camera around…

he saw death back when he was sick. and he saw him dancing around the room, taking people. but death didn’t take him. 

a nurse sat with him, and when death came, he looked away. she looked at him instead. and the fever broke, and she was the one that died. 

he tells her she’s very lucky. she gets in his face and insists she is NOT going to die. she tells him to turn it off. he took her phone!!!

he says death is coming and he needs to make her peace…. 

but it’s ritter!!!! he fires his gun at fellig!!!

SHE COLLAPSES???? WHY IS SHE BLEEDING??????? there is blood coming from her throat???? did ritter miss and shoot her instead???

fellig tries to take a photo of her with his other camera, and asks if she sees "him". he says don’t look, close your eyes. and he holds her hand in his. AND HE LOOKS INTO DEATH INSTEAD. and he gasps softly…. oh my god…. he finally dies.

scully is in bed in the hospital a week later. mulder is waiting, telling ritter he’s a lucky man. which is better than i expected.

OH, he grabs her hand. and he sits on her bed. and he smiles, saying her doctor says she is making an amazing recovery. but she seems so sad, and in so much pain

he says “death only looks for you once you seek its opposite” <- OHHHH my god…

and we fade to black.

so i rewatched the scene where scully gets hurt because at first i couldn't tell what was happening, and this DUMBASS ritter shot fellig, and the bullet went STRAIGHT THROUGH HIM and INTO SCULLY???? like. what the HELL WAS HE THINKING????

holy fuck, if i were mulder i would have done a lot more than tell him he was a lucky guy. look at her enduring ritter's presence while she’s in her hospital bed and he was such an awful person the whole time they worked together. i would have told him to fuck off and let me recover from the bullet YOU put in me in peace.

and mulder grabbing her hand. and the flowers in her room. and his smile at her news. but she’s so sad. people don’t live forever. 

she wants to live, and she wants to have a life, and holy HELL need to lay down.

oh my god… this episode was super dark. and usually i don’t really like the dark ones. but it has scully, so i liked it better. because we got to contemplate her worldview. 

and she wants to LIVE. she wants a LIFE. she wants LOVE. the way she got in fellig’s face and REFUSED to let him take her picture… the way she tried to understand how he could be jealous of death, because she always wants to understand and to learn and empathize… the way she helped fellig, and fellig helped her by telling her to look away from death, so he could look instead… oh my god.

we need to do something about this ritter guy. hopefully, he will simply be fired. you can’t go around shooting your own agents. OH! and the way he didn’t care about justice at all- how he got the warrant because he knew the judge, and he told scully that if she got in his way he’d go to kersh… and how she told him her name is SCULLY and this conversation is OVER…

oh!!!

and mulder helping over the phone; mulder using her sleuthing skills to find out that fellig WAS a murderer and she WAS in danger, and he called ritter immediately and said you had BEST find her. and i can only imagine how he went to bed that night thinking of all the ways he wanted to kill ritter. how he sat by his phone for her. bouncing his basketball until the hospital sent him word of her recovery. 

now, i’m still puzzled as to why he has access to kersh’s files. perhaps this is some sort of clue. but to what? i cannot say.

i just love scully SO MUCH. she saw that the woman on the side of the road was going to die, and she stepped right in and did everything she could, even if it was ultimately doomed. she couldn’t sit back. and she wants a life. she’s in love and she wants a life and she wants a house and a dog. and to save people. and to do work that is satisfying. and all of these things she has been denied.

(screams into my hands)

she’s been slowly starting to believe- maybe not in the traditional sense, but in the sense that she recognizes something she cannot understand is afoot, and she finds herself curious about how and why. i found it very interesting that fellig called her out for this and gibson did as well. and we know that gibson can read minds, so we know it to be true. i don’t think “believes” in the same use of the word that mulder does, but she is finding it harder to compartmentalize, maybe. and can you blame her? i mean, she is miss "there HAS to be a scientific explanation for this". belief not in the supernatural sense, but in the sense that there is so much more to learn and understand and experience. be it love and life or the guy who lives forever and can somehow sense death. maybe the spiritual and the scientific aren't that separate.

god. this really was a scully episode, and i am so grateful. i deserved this. even though it wasn’t one where she laughs and enjoys the gift of being alive, we still got to dive into her thoughts and emotional state. AND we got bonus angsty mulder- angst about them being separated, and angst about nearly losing her. is this not the ultimate kind of mulder angst? 

i shall go to bed a bit sad this evening, but content. 

as i edit my notes to make them readable the day after watching this, there is still so much on my mind. in the sense that i want to write a thinkpiece on what this means for scully's character. maybe this will be a turning point, when she once again confronts her own mortality. how easily death can come. maybe she'll tell him how she feels because she realizes that now is all she has. maybe she'll confront kersh and tell him to get them off of their nonsense assignment so she can go back to saving people. maybe she'll think about all of the times she felt so certain that she was going to die in the past and once again try and make a meaning for why she didn't.

i am also thinking about how sad mulder was when kersh separated them and then how horrible he must have felt when he heard that she was SHOT in his absence. and there was nothing that he could do for a week while he could only wait to hear if she was okay. and then he drove up there as soon as he could. and he KNEW that it was ritter's fault she was lying in that bed fighting for her life, but he somehow managed to say only how lucky he was instead of slamming his head through the drywall. and how he held her hand, smiling, so happy to see her, taking his spot on her bed, thinking of how he loves her and how many times her has nearly lost her. and her thinking the same thing. and neither of them saying anything. just touching.

the feelings i am experiencing are large and difficult to put into words, which is frustrating because, like AUGH! (gestures wildly) do you get what i mean?! do you SEE what i am saying?!?! (grabs your shoulders and shakes them vigorously)

please share your thoughts with me, especially if you are a scully girl like myself. to me, this felt sort of like scully's version of paper hearts, in a way. at least, i see some parallels. even if i cannot elaborate at this time because my brain is flopping.

[whencyclopedia]

The Politics of Reproduction in Ottoman Society, 1838-1900

"The Politics of Reproduction in Ottoman Society, 1838-1900" sheds light on how turbulent population changes led to anxieties in the Ottoman elites and the state. In this context, Balsoy illustrates how medical modernization was employed by authorities to discipline the female body and control the population. The book provides a clear image of the 19th Century’s perspective on women in Ottoman society and is a must-read for those interested in Ottoman women's history.

Gülhan Balsoy is a professor of history at Istanbul Bilgi University. The book is a revised and rewritten version of Balsoy’s PhD thesis. The book's five chapters respectively focus on the history and transformation of midwifery, abortion, pregnancy, and infertility in Ottoman society. While investigating these themes, Balsoy asserts that reproduction was not a natural experience but a political subject. Balsoy examines how the Ottoman state and elites attempted to change together with control of the female body and subjected it to medical and legal control by using institutions, laws, and medical doctors. According to Balsoy, the state and Ottoman elites constructed the pronatalist means to increase the Turkish/Muslim population by transforming midwifery practices, banning abortion, medicalizing pregnancy/childbirth, and inclining on infertility issues. Balsoy challenges the dominant idea in the historical scholarship that the Ottomans attempted to create a heterogenous Ottoman identity in the society.

The main contribution of this book is derived from the reception of medical modernization through political and institutional means. It demonstrates that the medical elites or obstetricians reflected the Ottoman state’s mentality on the decline of the Turkish/Muslim population. For example, the first law on abortion in 1838, the establishment of the Midwifery School in 1842, and licensing midwives or prioritizing obstetricians were precautions for the state’s population anxiety. However, after investigating literature on Besim Ömer, a famous pronatalist, and Ottoman obstetrician at that time, Balsoy successfully showed that the dichotomy between “old crones” and doctors were not the whole picture. Besim Ömer and many obstetricians asserted that "old crones" were uneducated and lacked hygiene. Despite their ideas about untrained midwives, doctors or licensed midwives also experienced failures in their operations. Thus, the problem put forward by Besim Ömer was not demographic but political and ideological. Another impactful aspect of the book is how anti-abortion and pronatalist ideas are represented in popular literature and advice books for pregnant women. These sources help us to map a combination of social mentality and forced pronatalist agenda by Ottoman authorities, which controlled and disciplined female bodily experiences to alleviate the population anxieties of the elites.

Despite these contributions, there lacks an explanation of how and why these elites had population anxiety or whether they were sure about their homogeneous Ottoman identity in every case. In other words, did all Ottoman elites have this population anxiety? Many sources utilized by Balsoy usually only show us the perception of the Ottoman obstetricians. Another point raised is the comparison between other social groups. For example, the practices of non-Muslim women, especially midwifery or the medicalization process of pregnancy and their experiences, are lacking. However, including other socio-ethnic and religious groups may enrich the literature on the effects of reproduction policies. It is understandable that this book lacks in these two points since finding primary sources written by women and other disenfranchised groups in Ottoman society has always been a challenge for historical scholarship.

This book is an academically fulfilling work on the late Ottoman society. Specifically, prescriptive or advice books and popular literature are utilized quite well in this book. However, her main argument about the politicization of reproduction and the female body stays slightly rigid because the primary Ottoman sources give us a more sophisticated picture than Balsoy's main argument. The spread of pronatalist ideas and politicization of the female body via medicalization and legal means can provide a portrait of how the state and the elites may have population anxieties. Nevertheless, we still cannot avoid the complexities of social changes in the public area, especially when there are few personal or collective accounts of women. In the end, Balsoy's argument is well-researched and invaluable for opening up a space for discussing the female experiences in the late period of Ottoman society.

Continue reading...

[applestorms]

if i may be a nerd for just a sec, what’s also really cool about the kuleshov effect to me is the fact that it has its origins in early soviet cinema, and thus can be seen as a way of trying to apply ideas of marxist dialectics to early film.

it’s the same basic format: thesis + antithesis = synthesis, where the two parts come together to create a greater meaning than they hold on their own. each shot by its lonesome doesn’t (necessarily) mean much, but it’s the collection of them together, the transition and cut between one piece and the next that creates the visual narrative and, in particular, the subtext of a film. and notably, while kuleshov gets his name slapped onto the effect since he outlined a lot of the specific levels of abstraction and demonstrated them distinctly in the cinema studies classic of battleship potemkin, in reality the process of figuring out this new cinematic language was just as much a collective process.

but it’s this reading of subtext that actually makes me think a lot of traditional fandom “reading too into it” moments when it comes to finding the hidden Gay Shit in any show aren’t actually all that absurd. because again, it’s subtext. even if it isn’t explicitly stated, there is still intention on the part of editors to create an underlying, unspoken story through the relationship between images and each individual shot. fandom is not absurd for recognizing this, or being baited by it.

[39oa]

top 3 landoscar moments <3

miss risa you have no idea how difficult this was i think this is like 20x the acceptable length of what this prompt called for.

honorable mentions: not one specific moment but any instance of 1) lando constantly giving oscar the opportunity to win in the final round (see winner-takes-all during summer games + 100-point ultimatum in mini golf), i think if we tallied all their wins by round over the course of mclaren pr videos he'd honestly be above oscar by now, 2) lando being obessed with saying OSCUHHHH like it's an actual filler word he's ingrained into his basal speech patterns instead of his legal name, and 3) obviously oscar hearts-eyeing lando's entire existence in general though i think one great moment is the virgin radio uk appearance because why were they still managing to exchange extremely charged eye contact throughout 14 minutes of zak brown sitting between them. brah

other hms include ice bath video just because them making those sounds at each other was objectively hilarious, the cricket match-up (lando getting all worked up like "nice and easy oscar or else i'll take you off in the next race!!!" "i'm just worried about oscar, i feel like he's a silent killer you know" "oscahhh ): let me get you out mate ))):" and then oscar nonchalantly going Well it's only lando bowling i'll be fine. and immediately decimating him with his aussie schoolboy cricket prowess lmfao), suzuka in general but more specifically oscar not being prepared in the slightest to get absolutely doused by lando on the podium after he foksmashed his champagne, and also underrated landoscar moment is definitely oscar submitting the lando P3NI5 photo to a neural network image guesser.

ok let me get onto the actual list but thongs debate too just because lando obviously Knew but was doing it to be a little shit... in general i think what's fun to me about landoscar is that they've become quite natural in a sort of quiet domestic way so i like any moment that shows off their wordless communication, or alternatively oscar's endless level of patience + tolerance toward lando (listening to whatever pre-race music he blasts / silently giggling at his antics during the cake decoration video). like it's kind of funny when lando pretends in any way that he's miles more hilarious than oscar is because 1) he literally has the exact same sarcastic sense of humor, 2) 80% of his humor is a defense mechanism anyway, and 3) he's probably even more baseline introverted than oscar is (omg i could write a thesis on their social media presences but i won't.) and whenever people talked about how carlando were So Funny as teammates and mistakenly ascribed effusiveness to lando's character in response to their dynamic it quickly became apparent later on that carlos was always the one bringing this out in lando and not the other way around so... like i think their humor matches up well just in subtle moments aka the post-double podium video where oscar is like eyeing the way lando is holding his trophy at the start and then lando gets embarrassed and they start giggling while poor andrea is trying to make his speech like If you two don't stop!!

ANYWAY THE LIST:

🥉 twister: not really because it tells me anything wrt aspects of their dynamic but just because it's SO RIDICULOUS AND UNHINGED. first of all it's such a stunning instance of lando being better at something than oscar is but then the something is literally just being flexible so that's already a large enough indictment there (why are you as a man only good at golfing and being a little gaybo... i won't). but like [face-to-face with oscar's ass while folded up like a little pretzel] "what a sight that is" / "OSCUHH" x5 WHILE HIS VOICE IS LITERALLY GOING HOARSE IN THE PROCESS / and of course the most formative "YOUR LEFT FOOT IS NOT GOING BETWEEN MY LEGS!!!" actually dynamics-wise this WAS informative in that it proved to us that oscar will always be the first to lose at gay chicken. amen

🥈 sportbible green flag video: i think this video deserves to be slotted in at #2 because it's from when their teammate dynamic was still somewhat fresh but it proved to me that oscar was capable of Handling lando... like lando was clearly On One here and saying the most genuinely unhinged shit and somehow oscar still managed to find him funny and charming?!?? which i think is important because as much as oscar has always been characterized as chill and accepting there have been instances of him being genuinely flabbergasted and/or frustrated during his prema days which is of course also a reflection of age and natural maturity, but i still feel like specifically with lando he is SOOOOO TOLERANT of all his particularities and FOR WHATTTTTT. but also you can see during the >LOOK AT YOU WITH YOUR STUPID GOATEE ON moment that this was when lando was starting to understand that oscar wouldn't bend to everything he said and could be witty and incisive (silent killer) when he wanted to be and i think this is important as well in determining the equal footing of their dynamic. tbh my favorite moment here is the entire astrology question because of lando confidently assigning oscar piscesisms when that couldn't be any further from the truth. go off king of rejecting logical reasoning

🥇 LANDO'S BIGGEST FAN INCIDENT: this is #1 to me for so many reasons aka 1) i think this was formative to landoscar taking off as a ship in general because it spanned multiple fics but also 2) this was Personally what convinced Me to actually invest in 814 ship stonks because beforehand i was like "ok clearly oscar likes lando as a teammate and lando thinks oscar is a little lame and dry (in a mildly derogatory instead of fond way) and also oscar is just an attentive listener in general so his heart eyes disposition is mildly exaggerated" but then i watched this and it rewired my brain chemistry. the way we were still skeptics in august... 

this whole fanmeeting is insane for several reasons but basically it boggles my mind because the entire exchange starts from the moment oscar is DESCRIBING HOW LARGE HIS NECK HAS GOTTEN which means lando is like sitting there quietly cataloguing the size of his body while oscar gets mildly flustered by the nature of the conversation and then lando deliberately cuts in like mate i'll buy you a new shirt and you can tell you can TELLLLL he was sitting on that response making sure it read well in his head. also it's doubly insane because when oscar responds that he'll get him a smaller shirt to strangle him they're both clearly interpreting it in bad faith like "you just want to get rid of me because i'm your competition xD" but then for whatever reason lando decides to make it Exceedingly weird 5 seconds later and his VOICE LITERALLY CRACKSSSS WHEN HE SAYS HE'LL BUY HIM A SEE-THROUGH SHIRT???????? like what's all this then. why did he essentially call oscar fit. why did he default to his little fantasy of seeing Known Bad Dresser oscar piastri in a shirt detailing lando's possession of his affections. genuinely calamitous levels of embarrassing for everyone involved i don't even know what to say.

ok i'll stop but hopefully this was informative <3 i'm so sorry

edit: omg i forgot to mention this but also the iconic silverstone fan stage side-hug and lando's whole face lighting up when he realized oscar was the one initiating physical contact!!!! 😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫

[stillaclownlol]

@moonbiine got me with the Aiden bug

I thought a lot about how to start this and none of them were good so, here's this;

Frowny's Thesis on Aiden Clark having Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) based on the DSM-5 criteria, living with people with BPD (hi dad!), being...me!, and general vibes.

What is BPD?

Borderline Personality Disorder is defined by a prolonged disturbance of function marked by depth and variability of mood, pattern of unstable personal relationships, unstable self-image, marked impulsivity, and other symptoms. They can manifest in very different ways (the way it appears between my dad and my grandma for example is not the same), but generally includes this.

1. Fear of Abandonment

Nobody wants to be left behind, that's a given, but for people with BPD this fear can spiral into a paranoid phobia that impacts all their personal relationships. Because BPD is influenced by environmental factors, this often stems from children being abandoned in their youth (ex. My father was the child of a teen pregnancy and his parents couldn't care for him for the first few years of his life, letting him be raised by his grandparents. I also grew up alternatively without my mom and withouty my dad, and once for a time with neither of them)

It's been shown to us before that Aiden's parents are often absent from the house, for even months at a time. He seems very used to this and it's likely he grew up very isolated or passed around between different relatives. And I do think this shows in his attachment style; he is a very clingy and sort of "decides" to hyperfixate on a certain person (Ash *coughs*) in the hopes that they'll become friends, and he does this very quickly. Already so scared of losing Ash on that roof even tho he's only known her for like 3 months at this point. He really can't bear the thought of her not being with him.

On the subject of Ash he's idolized her sooooo bad she's so screwed. Pls the Angelic lighting filter he puts on her?? SHE CANT SAVE YOU AIDEN. YOU HAVE TO DO IT YOURSELF. (But i get it its hard) Ties back into how people with BPD see the world in strict black and white, he can't see Ash's flaws and that's how he defends her so much, she's literally like a savior to him and here comes the disciple complex.

He's been forced to move so many times, he's probably made friends who just couldn't keep up the effort of maintaining a long distance friendship and ghosted him, or even him doing the opposite, pushing people away just to avoid the sting of abandonment again. They can't hurt you if you hurt them first.

2. Unstable self-image.

He bleaches his hair end of story /j

No but really, tell me Aiden doesn't put up a persona- he's gone through the phases from quiet gifted kid to an impulsive extroverted mischievous mess. Don't you just look at him and feel the self-hatred coming off in waves?? Dyeing his hair, getting contacts, the ever present grin that must be painful at this point, it's like he can't...look at himself. Like he doesn't want to look at himself.

He can't even face his own problems; he literally paints a clown face on himself after dying cuz he doesn't want to process his feelings about it lol 🫠

Like genuinely, how exactly does Aiden want to be perceived? What is the point of this facade? For himself? For other people? I think he's just trying to shut away his past and start fresh without having to confront it, but...when the root is rotten, nothing healthy can grow, so he needs to get to the source of his issues.

3. Anger regulation problems

Unpopular opinion probably but he seems so angry to me. It's definitely WAY more present in the early chapters like when he goes tf off on Tyler, he was barely controlling himself there asdfghjkl- but I think it manifests more in him attacking the phantoms, it's obviously an adrenaline thing for him but I think he's taking out a lot of anger at the same time too. Even if some of this anger is coming from a righteous place; the desire to protect his loved ones (which ties into the abandonment too, you are still abandoned even when it wasn't their choice), because peope with BPD see the world as smth very...dangerous, I guess is the word? Even if maybe that doesn't apply to themselves

(Fastpass spoilers)

He's also not above taking his anger out on humans either considering he was about to take Alex's eyes out with that paintbrush and was gonna choke the life outta them-

(Done.)

4. Consistent feelings of sadness/worthlessness.

5. Self-injury, suicidal behaviour, suicidal ideation.

Aiden do be a sadboi even with all the smiley faces on his clothes. I think this is probably smth that was way worse when he was younger that led to that depression where he was locked in his room eating junk food and disassociating, and while he's probably coping with it differently it's still smth he struggles with. I mean shiiiiiit, because of his impulsiveness he does kinda cause problems but God he feels SOOOO goddamn bad about it lahdlsj, he was so guilty about the Ash situation, he probably beat himself up so much about that-

Emotions are very extreme, it's 'similar' to bipolar disorder with manic and depressive episodes, except they happen at a much quicker scale (in the same day for ex.) which seems to me how Aiden only lets himself experience positive emotions even tho he's in a deeply stressful situation (even tho there's good parts too like his friends) because he just can't handle having to fully experience those negative emotions.

Check, check, check! Aiden has zero self preservation instincts, he throws himself off walls, gets up close and personal with phantoms that could easily kill him, actually didn't give a fuck about dying?? Actually ENJOYED IT? But didn't wanna do it again because his Favourite person was worried about him and the absolute high of that feeling completely beat out anything else?? Okay man, we get it, you're living for somebody else at this point-

People with BPD suffer from chronic feelings of emptiness and pain is the best kind of distraction for Aiden (cue: him slamming his forehead on the table because he's bored)

6. Impulsive behaviors (aka a bunch of shit which can be summed up as addictions)

Well, for starters, he's an absolute adrenaline junkie, because he feels so constantly empty Aiden wants something to make him feel alive. And adrenaline is the flawless, biological, factual answer to this. Ergo all his octane hobbies and impulsive behaviors. Ties back into his obsessiveness, which, don't get me wrong this doesn't make him a bad guy or anything, we all get a little obsessed with things sometimes, that's just things humans do- but when you have bpd, it's very...difficult to just STAY happy, like an addiction, when the high wears off, they're empty again.

Maybe a bit of a stretch, but considering all the Ramen packets in his room when he was younger I wouldn't be surprised if he had some sort of ED or binge eats (Same bestie.)

Also for sure a reckless driver I'm 99% sure he crashed all those go-karts he drived before.

---

I don't really know where I'm going with this. It's hard to live with somebody who has BPD, it's hard to live with it yourself, it's hard to see other people go through it even when it's hurting yourself. I hate pushing people away, but you get so caught up in your own thoughts, and it just...happens...and when it's done...you really regret it, but it's too late...and you just wonder if things are better like this, being alone and not hurting anybody anymore, cuz they're certainly happy on their own

I don't think anybody who has bpd is automatically a bad person, they just have things harder than normal. People with BPD....they can be amazing artists, or good with animals, or really very kind. They have very big hearts, thats why they feel so deeply. And I think Aiden is a good person, because he has so much love to give, but has never been given an outlet to express that properly, but you can see him making great strides in learning how, with the help of his friends 🧡

Might edit this later when I get my thoughts more clear it's midnight here lol

[aro-comics]

Aros In Relationships - Update Post

Oh god, everyone, it’s been SO long. I Just wanted to say (even if the bulk of my life updates soon here), that I’ve missed you all so so much, and I’m so glad I get to finally be able to share my work on these. It’s certainly been a long time coming.

But onto my personal note for this series - I’m really grateful that I’ve had the chance to transcribe their stories. Talking to these people, hearing their stories, their words … I can’t even describe how many times I couldn’t believe what I was hearing/reading, because everything they were saying felt so similar to something I would have said. I almost felt like they were reading out the thoughts and experiences in my own head!!

And I guess that’s why they call it a community – we do have a lot in common! But obviously, our experiences haven’t been identical on the romance front, and it was really nice to get to hear from other aromantic people about what this is like.

Image Descriptions:

Title Card: Cover Image. This Comic series is titled “Aromanticism and Romantic Relationships”. A subtitle underneath says that it is a collaborative sketch comic series. Four people are illustrated on the cover. On the far left is Arrow, a person with an undercut and wavy brown hair. Standing next to them is Lucien, who is wearing a hoodie and a collar with a pentagram charm. They have short brown hair and tan skin. Further to the right is Dot; she has pale skin with light freckles, long slightly curly brown hair in a high ponytail, and a grey hairband. On the very right is May, who has long curly brown hair, tan skin, and is wearing a maroon shirt with a striped dark jacket, and a necklace with a ring on it.

Slide 1: Celia  faces the reader, hand at the back of her neck. “Hey everyone – it’s been an eon (ok, like a year or so). I’ll explain more about where I’ve been on my tumblr, but for this series I thought I’d make an intro for what it’s all about.”

Slide 2: Celia continues,  “A while back, I was asked to make a comic about being in a romantic relationship as an aro person – Which, given the nature of my comics –I can’t really do, because I’ve never dated anyone.”

Slide 3: “Thankfully, some arospec people who had been in romantic relationships reached out – and were really kind in volunteering their time and personal stories to help me record their perspectives.” 

Celia sits at a table, typing away at her laptop while interviewing May. Celia says: “Wait – you too?” in surprise as she realizes she relates to the story May is telling her. They reply: “Yeah! And when…” as they continue their story. 

Slide 4: “And they’ve had *such* incredible patience for me these past two years I chipped away at these comics –” 

A scene from the two years it took to get this comic series out the door. This was during Celia’s completion of her university thesis project. She holds a draft in her hands, reading out to the participant that she calls on her phone, “On page 9, I wasn’t sure exactly what to draw… I could show the progress of what y’all did on the date?” 

They reply: “That works! The sketch is mostly accurate…”

In the background, references to upholstering a bench like padded chair, design sketches, and a poster with a map and circled possible apartment locations is depicted. 

Slides 5-6: The scene switches to a group shot with Celia and the participants. She stands with one hand on her hip and the other outstretched, gesturing to them. 

 “So, without further ado – please welcome May, Arrow, Dot, and Lucien!”

The four are sitting at a table with nameplates set in front of them. Arrow waves a hand at the reader, while Lucien has their arms folded and resting on the table. May and Dot both smile in a friendly manner at the reader. 

Celia continues, “You’ll be hearing from them over the course of this series – which I’ve adapted as long form comics like my “What is Love” comic over on my tumblr.”

Slide 7: “My process for these comics was highly collaborative. I worked together with these people as I wrote the script and drew the storyboard, because I want to be as authentic to their voices as possible. If they read a little different from my usual work – that’s because they are! And I hope you’ll enjoy getting the chance to hear from other Arospec folks' perspectives.”

Slide 7: “I’ll share each person’s comic with their cover page on Tumblr – the whole thing!” The cover page for May’s comic is shown, decorated with doodles of stars. It has the caption: “May – They/Them * Aro Demiace”

“And in parts with a collaborative IG account opened for each person’s comic.”

Also shown is a screenshot of an account named arosinrelationships_may. The description of the account reads: “May’s comics as part of @aro_comics series posted here”

Celia signs off on the note ‘See you soon!’ and a heart.

[gacha-incels]

editorial from the english version of the Hankyoreh

archive link

plain text

Before focusing on my master’s thesis, I worked for a brief period for an organization supporting victims of cyber sex crimes. My job was to put each and every case of illegally filmed footage assigned to me through a search engine and if I found that the images had been uploaded to certain sites, I would beg the operator of that site to take those images down. 

The process of searching and subsequently scrubbing illegally filmed footage probably isn’t what most people would expect. There is no advanced AI that categorizes footage based on the faces of victims, lists the sites the footage is uploaded to, and sends automated requests for the deletion of such posts. Instead, employees and volunteers divide each reported video frame by frame, put each fragmented frame through search engines, organize each site the footage is posted to on a spreadsheet, collate the sites for verification, find the site operator’s email or contact channel, and write a message that read, “This video is illegally filmed footage so we ask that you remove it from your site. If it is not removed, the South Korean government may take action against the site pursuant to relevant laws,” translate it from Korean into English and then send it to the operator.

This happened daily. Sometimes, you would have to go through 100 or 200 cases a day. I’ve assigned a nickname to this procedure: “The Illegally Filmed Footage Removal Protocol that Seems Absurdly Advanced, But Basically Follows the Same Grueling Procedures as a Sweatshop.”

The biggest challenge when fighting digital sex crimes is their overwhelming breadth and scale. It was impossible for us, as we sat in front of our computer screens, to estimate which far-out depths of the internet any of the footage had reached. 

Even if we painstakingly found 20 posts using a particular photo and saw that every post was erased, the next day we would see the photo spring up in 40 different posts. Websites distributing illegally filmed footage make various backup sites with different domains to make sure that sites are up and running even if the main site is taken down. 

Many of the sites in question have servers based abroad, so even if you sent a beseeching email citing South Korean laws, they simply could just pretend that they never saw the email.

The terror of that vast scope goes beyond distribution and duplication. While deepfake pornography has been in the news recently, photoshopping a real person’s face onto a pornographic image has been a crime for some time now.

The difference is that producing such images used to be time-consuming and technically challenging, requiring the “manual” manipulation of images. But the new tool of AI has made it easy for anyone to instantaneously create deepfakes in a dizzying variety of formats.

Another frightening aspect is that anyone with access to photographs on social media can choose victims at random. And since the images are “fakes” created by AI, the perpetrator can deliberately duck the guilt of harming a real person.

Deepfake creation has spread so rapidly because it gives perpetrators a perverse sense of power over their victims — the ability to create dozens of humiliating images of someone from photographs scraped off Instagram — while also enabling them to ignore victims’ suffering because the images aren’t technically “real.” In short, deepfakes represent a game-changing acceleration of the production cycle of sexually exploitative media.

Those images spread far too fast for the handful of employees at nonprofits to keep up with. Facing such a vast challenge, permanent employees began to drift away, and their positions were once again filled by people on short-term contracts.

Lee Jun-seok, a lawmaker with the Reform Party, said during a meeting of the National Assembly’s Science, ICT, Broadcasting and Communications Committee that the 220,000 members of a deepfake channel on Telegram was an “overblown threat” and estimated that, given the percentage of Korean users on Telegram, only about 726 of the channel members are actually Koreans.

But what does it matter whether there are 220,000 Koreans on the channel or just 726?

Let’s suppose there aren’t even 726, but just 10 people in the group — they could still produce 220,000 deepfakes if they set their mind to it. Those images would then be copied and circulated beyond their point of origin and around the world, perhaps remaining permanently in some dark corners of the Internet without ever being deleted.

That’s the nature of sex crimes in the digital age.

So assuming that the criminal potential of this technology remains the same regardless of whether the channel has 220,000 members, 726 members or even just 10, I can’t help wondering what Lee thinks would be an acceptable number of deepfake purveyors that would not constitute an “overblown threat.”

[manorpunk]

I had an epiphany that I've been rolling around in my head lately - "if the plan is not working, that doesn't mean there's something wrong with me. It means there's something wrong with the plan."

I get anxious at the thought of changing things or starting over. It feels like an admission of defeat, or that it means I’ve been wasting my time. That’s not true - the plot is only one part of the story, and I’ve still been developing all these characters and locations that I can bring with me to the next idea. More importantly, “starting over” can mean that I have a better idea of what’s working and what I want to accomplish. If I start on an idea and it turns out it's not working, or even if I just start getting tired of it or feel like it's starting to collapse under its own weight, then I should put it on the shelf for a bit and try something that sparks my interest more. It seems obvious in retrospect to say "I will write more if I'm writing something I enjoy that interests me" but sometimes obvious things still have to be learned the hard way.

So, what's got my interest? What are the ingredients I want to put into the stew here?

Promise of the Premise: So, I've been rotating this thing in my head for a couple years now, which means there's a lot of twists and turns and not-what-it-seems and in-universe ideological debates that I've been developing. But the surface pitch of Manorpunk is "post-apocalyptic cyberpunk western pastiche of American suburbia," and when I write the Thing To Share, I want to hit those notes hard before I delve into the ideology and 'meaning,' which is fine, because hitting those notes is fun, and what's the point if I'm not enjoying myself!

Episodic/Serial Structure: TV show-esque, in terms of there being a series of self-contained stories advancing larger threads. A novel or movie or Big, Singular Thing is a constant process of revision, tweaking, changing the beginnings to fit new endings, etc., but if I go into it with an episodic structure in mind there's a lot more freedom to figure it out along the way.

Big and Small: A location that allows me to show off the various 'sides' of the setting - the unincorporated Manors speed-running the transition from anarchy to feudalism to statehood; the reality show-esque clashing of personalities among the governors of the post-crisis states; the atomized, corporate-branded treat-treadmill of city life. Any and all of these threads should be able to come up without needing to jostle things around too much.

Core Pair: A pair of central characters with interesting viewpoints, a compelling relationship with each other, and a vague goal which makes for a good excuse to catapult them in whichever direction takes my fancy.

I am not Nabokov: "My very photogenic mother died in a freak accident (picnic, lightning) when I was three[.]" What an unrepentant, interminable showoff! The way those two words conjure such a complete and hilariously grim image. The poetic rhythm of that two-word aside: PIC-nic, LIGHT-ning. The wry self-awareness of Humbert Humbert, revealing his sympathetic villain backstory - child of a perfect little family that was suddenly torn apart through random tragedy, oh you poor thing - yet doing it in a sly and subtle way that doesn't bring attention to itself, and yet on further inspection that sparse and lackadaisical description of his own mother's death brings attention to itself by being, well, a sparse and lackadaisical description of his own mother's death! You could write an entire master's thesis about that single two-word aside! In any case, I am not Nabokov, and what a relief that is, since Nabokov himself seems to have personally been truculent and insufferable (not content to just insult and grouse about his contemporary authors, he went a step further and beefed with Cervantes, perhaps being the only person to dislike Don Quixote who wasn't being funded by the Habsburgs). Free from the burdens of Nabokovhood, I can write and relish in the familiar, the weightless, the genre. I can seek comfort without shame and delight in petty parlor tricks. I can, in other words, have fun and enjoy myself.

I will explain where all of this is going... soon.

[sag-dab-sar]

Day 1 of Hellenic Polytheism

Who was the first deity you began worshipping? Do you still worship them now? If this has been answered before: how has your worship changed since last year?—by @wisdom-devotee

I started studying and believing in paganism at age 16ish and attempted to worship "The God & The Goddess" as the Wiccan book I picked up at Barnes & Nobles instructed me to.... and it was just not working. Then the book (or a second book I forget) mentioned "faces of The God and The Goddess," and how I was "allowed" to worship them in different faces. So I thought that might fit better.

Athena popped into my head immediately for "The Goddess." No contemplation just immediately in my head— as if she wasn't allowing anyone else. [I did research for "The God" and chose Thoth.] I printed out little pictures of them and pasted them onto the Wiccan "God & Goddess" symbols I had made earlier. I discovered very quickly I was a hard polytheist.

I 100% believe she was present at my birth.

🏺🦉My Journey With Athena🦉🏺

Wiccan God (orange) & Goddess (grey) homemade symbols

Pasting on images of Athena & Thoth

The altar photos are like 4 generations away from the original file which is probably lost in an old hard drive which is why they look like they were taken with a potato. I believe this is the exact image I used for Athena:

I dedicated all of my education to her in High School. She helped me get my High School Diploma, which I was not sure I would achieve. An altar from 2012:

Helped me through my Bachelor's Degree.

Here she is (owl) on my 1st year (freshman) desk is 2013, next to Inana and Thoth

And an altar in April 2017, three days before the presentation of my undergraduate thesis 4th year (senior), with my trusty Chicago Style Manual.

She helped me through my Master's Degree. An altar from November of 2018, kind of begging for her help when I felt I might be close to failing a course. I swear I then practically got a miracle from her in that course. She gave me more strength than I probably deserved.

A bit after this altar I started referring to her with the epithet Ergane meaning "worker" in November of 2018, since the epithet related to education & career goals.

Yes, she is still with me to this day! This is the most recent shrine I had her on.

She has my graduation tassels of HS, B.S, M.A on her spear; two pin things that represent scholastic achievements on her chest; a sash with three dots representing three professional certifications I obtained; beads representing continuing education courses on her shield. The adornment process started in 2019 and finished in 2020 at "her request" and she is "loud" when she wants something (I rarely get UPG link so it was... a lot). I wanted to make the sash and beads less ad hoc but haven't come up with anything and simply wanted to make her happy. I have one more scholastic thing to add but I have to finish the orientation process first and well disability is limiting that. If my disability improves hopefully there will be more things to add in the future.

I have I think 4, maybe 5, statues of her, two of which are idols. One of which my sister bought for me while in Greece

I have some "UPG" right now that I'm working through about the epithet Phrónēsis link and some other stuff with her that I'll keep to myself for now.

Side Note: I focused on a Hellenic Theos for this post, I don't know if I'll be also including my other primary pantheon Sumerian or other two traditions for the rest of the days

[falsedisciple]

hi! Saw your thesis subject, it's soooo interesting!!! Can you tell us more about it?

i would love to!

what i’m interested in is the intersection between women’s ageing processes and portraiture. i think we have a habit of imagining imperial women, especially, as the image you see in a museum carved in marble—take Livia, for example. if you google Livia, you’re going to get a very youthful image—but Livia lived to the age of 86, and most of her public life was spent when she was older than thirty.

i want to find a less static, more fluid, image. whether it’s in the ageing of the face (and aged portraits do exist!) or the titles women are given, or the goddesses they’re associated with. i think if we stop assuming that the concept of “divine youthfulness” is all there is, we can learn a great deal about what it was like to be an elder woman in ancient Rome, and how that role wasn’t always vilified or treated as lesser. the Roman matrona had her own role to play, and an incredibly important one at that!