#Imagine reuniting with your missing High Elder.

[throwaway-yandere]

"Life is misery and then you keep living."

[pix3lplays]

Hello I'm sorry if I'm bothering you but I saw your post about possibly making a fic and I just wanted to say that I think that you're 'Reader was in a toxic relationship with Dan Feng' could be a really good story especially since you write the characters so well ☺️.

Not bothering me at all! And yeah I think you’re right, that was a really cool idea anon came up with…lemme see what I can do…and thank you!!!!

Sigh it’s not really coming out like a fic, more like more lil notes about the past relationship and such, but that works too right? Heh.

Tw! Toxic relationship content, abusive relationship content

-Reader is in a toxic relationship with Dan Feng, meets Dan Heng-

It was…bizarre. They really did look similar… Dan Feng and Dan Heng. Even down to the way their hand looked in yours. But Dan Heng was different from Dan Feng. When you first met him as Imbibitor Lunae, you had fallen to your knees in front of him, tears in your eyes, thinking you had finally reunited with your long lost lover. And instead of calling you ridiculous for sobbing, or belittling you for being such a sentimental fool…he just seemed a bit awkward instead, doing his best to explain that you had the wrong person and that Dan Feng was buried in both your pasts. You didn’t really know what to do, what to say. All you knew was this man looked just like your beloved Dan Feng, and you would follow him to the ends of the universe if that’s what it took.

-

You were used to Dan Feng getting angry at you, giving you cold looks, and raising his voice at you for every little thing you did wrong. Dan Heng wasn’t like that. When you were invited to join the Astral Express, he did little things that Reminded you of Dan Feng, but nothing like the bad memories of him…he just…valued his alone time, his personal space, he didn’t like touching people…very much like Dan Feng. It made you miss your past lover. Because Dan Heng wasn’t him. You could see that now. It wasn’t fair to compare the two of them. But sometimes, when he appears before you as Imbibitor Lunae, you like to imagine you’ve reunited with Dan Feng…no matter how poorly he treated you…you LOVED him. Dan Heng has blurry memories of you. A past lover, that Dan Feng didn’t treat well. And yet here you were, doing your best to refer to him as ‘Dan Heng’ instead of ‘Dan Feng’, fiercely loyal to him because you considered him your lover… He doesn’t think it’s fair, especially the more he gets to know you, just how unjustly Dan Feng treated you. He has nightmares where he sees himself yelling at you, you trembling in a corner with your hands over your face, almost as if you were expecting him to strike you. He feels the remorse and regret of Dan Feng, and yet the high elder doesn’t stop himself. Dan Heng wakes up in a cold sweat, gets up to check on you, his heightened senses letting him hear your labored breathing from the other side of your door. Must be having the same nightmare. He brings you some tea.

[peterparkers-bad-youtube-apology]

I'm so excited to read everything for Summer of Love ✨ could i request prompt 37 + 53 with Tom? Maybe friends to lovers 👀

YES I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR THE VEGAS REQUEST I AM SO EXCITED

Okay no more screaming but I seriously hope you like it! This is one of my favorite prompts so I was super excited to get to do it 🥰🥰 Anyways, thanks for sending it in, feedback, as always, is appreciated and encouraged. Love you so so much xx

Drive Thru Wedding

37 - Getting drunk and getting married in Vegas

53 - "We are not platonic, and my feelings are never going to be platonic."

Pairing: Tom Holland x Reader (friends to lovers)

Warnings: light angst

Summary: You had a drive thru wedding with your best friend

Masterlist

Taglist

Summer of Love

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Tom sat up, groaning and rubbing his eyes as light streamed into the hotel room. The room slowly came into focus and he spotted (y/n) passed out on his bed. He knit his brow and padded towards the window, pulling the blinds closed to try and dull his throbbing head. He made his way to the bathroom, wincing as he turned on the light. He splashed water on his face before realizing he was still in the same clothes he’d put on the night before. With a heavy sigh he returned to the bedroom and peaked at his phone. Calls and texts from his family and Harrison, nothing unusual outside of the fact that it was nearly noon.

“Shit,” he swore, glancing back over at (y/n), “Darling wake up,” he set a hand on her back, shaking her lightly.

She groaned, “Go away.”

“It’s nearly noon, come on, time to get up,” he chuckled.

“Fuck you,” she swore back at him before rolling onto her back, “I feel awful.”

“Yeah, me too,” he sighed, “I barely remember last night.”

“Me either. I hope I didn’t do anything embarrassing…”

“I’m sure you didn’t,” he assured, “We should go get some water, and eat.”

“Good call, but I need to shower first,” she yawned as she finally sat up, “Mind if I use your shower?”

“No, no of course not, I’m just gonna call Haz.”

“Cool, I’ll be quick,” she promised.

“Take your time,” he waved her off as he punched in his friend's number.

“Ah, he lives,” Harrison teased as he picked up the phone, “How’s (y/n)?”

“Showering, we’re both a bit fucked,” he frowned, “You aren’t in the suite are you?”

“No, we got breakfast and now we’re heading for the mob museum. We were going to wake you guys up but it seemed like you needed the sleep. You want to come meet us here?”

“Maybe, we’ve got to go eat first though,” he sighed, “Dude, what happened last night?”

“We all got really trashed, you and (y/n) were taking shots and you two took the driver and disappeared. We were all too trashed to even notice you were missing until we left though, but you guys were passed out when we got back to the hotel, so we figured you must have just headed back,” he chuckled, “Don’t remember a thing huh?’

“Hardly, I mean I remember being at the club for a while, but I don’t remember leaving…”

“Does she remember anything?”

“No, I don’t think she remembers anymore than I do.”

“That’s good, at least if you, you know, confessed something, she doesn’t remember.”

Tom blushed, “Yeah, that’s a plus…”

It was obvious to Harrison that something was wrong, “What?”

“Nothing, nothing,” Tom sighed, “I’ve just got this feeling something happened, I just can’t remember what.”

“Hey, I’m sure if you did anything too bad it’d be in the news by now. You probably just threw up or fell or something.”

“Probably, I just hope no one got it on video.”

“I’m sure they didn’t, look I gotta go, our Uber’s here, but let me know if you end up heading our way.”

“Yeah, no problem, I’ll get back to you in a bit.”

Tom rubbed his eyes and dug around his suitcase for some fresh clothes, after finding them he headed across the suite to use a different bathroom. He desperately wanted to clean up and figure out exactly what had occurred the night before. She still looked exhausted when they reunited outside of his room, he was sure he didn’t look any better.

“Everyone went out already huh?”

Tom nodded, “Yeah, they’re at the mob museum right now. They said we can meet up with them if we want, I figure we can see how we feel after we eat.”

“Good idea,” she rubbed her stomach with a sigh, “Do you think a mimose would help or hinder me right now.”

He smiled and wrapped his arm around her shoulders, “Definitely hinder. I think both of us should be on an alcohol detox today.”

“Yeah, you’re probably right,” she sighed, “Alright, a boring, virgin breakfast it is.”

“Oh you poor thing,” he laughed as they stepped onto the elevator, “It’s just tragic.”

They both opted for something easy on the stomach, simple eggs and fruits, regretting that they didn’t bring sunglasses down from the hotel room. They were both certain they couldn’t make it through a day on the strip, the lights and noise were bound to be too much, which ruled out the possibility of going to meet their friends. Tom still couldn’t shake the feeling that something was off, it was an unreachable itch in the back of his mind.

“What do you remember from last night?”

“Uh, being at the club, doing some shots,” she tapped her chin, “I don’t know Tom, not much, it’s all kind of blurry really.”

“Same here. I just wonder where we were…”

“I’m sure we just came back here,” she yawned, “I mean you’re pretty high profile, if we were out doing anything crazy I’m sure we would have heard about it by now.”

“Yeah, probably…”

“Mr. Holland?” the waiter approached their table with a smile, “I have something for you from the front desk.”

“Oh, thanks,” he frowned at the manilla envelope placed in front of him, “Uh, who’s this from?”

“Your diver returned it this morning.”

“Thanks,” he repeated as he tore into the envelope, suddenly going wide eyed at its contents, “What the…”

(y/n) frowned and scooted towards him, “I wanna see.”

Before them laid a series of photos of them, clearly taken the night before at the Little White Chapel. (y/n) held a bouquet and Tom held her, his lips pressed to her cheek in one photo and her lips in the next.

“Holy shit,” (y/n)’s jaw nearly hit the floor, “No fucking way…”

“We must have been there for someone else,” Tom tried to explain.

“With a bouquet? Kissing?” (y/n) frowned at him, “Oh my god we eloped in Vegas!”

“Guess you can mark that one off your bucket list,” Tom tried to joke.

“Tom!” she flushed, “This is serious! We need to go somewhere right away and get this annulled!”

“Look even if we did do it, it doesn’t mean it was legally binding, I mean we were drunk, they probably just let us take some pictures to entertain us.”

“God I hope so,” she groaned, “We need to go down there now, get this sorted out right away.”

“I’ll call a driver,” Tom assured, “We’ll sort this out.”

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆　　 ｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

(y/n) drummed her finger along her arm nervously while the elder lady at the chapel typed away at her computer, checking if anything had been registered under either of their names.

“Oh, yep, here it is,” she smiled to them, “Looks like we did hold a wedding for you two last night.”

“Like a real, legal one?” (y/n) pressed.

She nodded, “Yep, you two are married.”

“W-Well you have to delete it,” she demanded.

“Oh hunny, I can’t do that,” she apologized, “You’ll have to go to the county court to apply for an annulment.”

She groaned and Tom smiled at the lady as he ushered her towards the door, “Thanks for all your help, have a nice day.”

“You’re welcome!” she called after them cheerfully.

“This sucks,” (y/n) pinched her brow as they returned to the car, “I guess we’re going to the county court then.”

“We’ll get this sorted out,” Tom blushed, “I just hope we can stay friends after the divorce.”

She laughed while he gave instructions to the driver, “Depends how big my alimony checks are.”

“Why are you the one that gets alimony checks? What about me huh?”

“Because there’s no way I make more money than you movie star,” she poked his chest, “I’m taking Tessa too.”

“Oh now you’re taking it way too far,” he shook his head, “You can take the kids, and the houses, and the money, but no way you’re taking Tessa.”

“Dick,” she shook her head, “After everything we’ve been through, I can’t even keep the dog?”

“Absolutely not,” he laughed, “That’s my baby, I’ll go to war over her.”

“You used to talk that way about me,” (y/n) rolled her eyes, “See this is exactly why we’re getting this divorce.”

“Maybe we should have tried counseling,” he hummed, “You know I don’t think it would be so bad.”

“A divorce?”

“No, if we were married,” he flushed, “I mean just cause we’re like best friends and everything…”

“Yeah but you don’t marry your best friend,” she laughed, “You marry the love of your life.”

“I know, I know, I’m just saying, you know,” he wrung his hands nervously, embarrassed he’d said anything at all.

“What? That’d we’d be a super hot celebrity power couple? Because that’s totally true,” she smiled, “We’d be the best dressed at every premier.”

“Yeah, we’d be a good power couple…”

“I’m sure you and your eventual wife will also be a power couple,” she squeezed his arm with a big smile, “Well, second wife.”

He nodded and pursed his lips, “Can you believe we kissed?”

She laughed, “Oh yeah, lucky you.”

He was upset he couldn’t remember their first, and possibly only kiss, he always imagined it would be more special. “It’s just weird not remembering any of it.”

“I just don’t even know where we got the idea,” she sighed, “I wonder if we drove by it or something…”

“I don’t know, maybe we just talked about it.”

“Maybe, like we got all drunk and got up in our feels.”

“Probably.”

“Tom, what's wrong?” she frowned at him.

“Nothing, I’m just hungover,” he insisted.

“Alright, well we can go lay down again after we sort this out.”

“Yeah, that’d be nice.”

They were quiet the rest of the drive, with Tom growing more and more anxious as they approached the courthouse. It wasn’t that he wanted to be married, but he wanted some kind of relationship. He wanted to confess that he liked the idea of kissing her and being married to her and all of that, he just couldn’t seem to spit it out.

“Hi,” (y/n) smiled at the woman at the front desk, “This is kind of embarrassing but we got really drunk last night and ended up getting married, we just needed to file for an annulment.”

“Happens all the time,” she nodded, “Just fill this out and we’ll call you back to get this sorted out.”

“Thanks,” she took a clipboard and sat down beside Tom, “Time to start dividing assets.”

“Yeah, sounds good,” Tom took the board from her and began scribbling information down.

“Oh come on, I’m not that bad of a wife.”

“Ah, what’s got you in a sour mood Tommy?”

“Nothing,” he insisted, “I’m just trying to get this over with.”

“(y/n).”

“Fine, fine, I’ll just sit here,” she sighed, “Guess we aren’t getting divorce ice cream after this huh?”

Tom said nothing.

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆　　 ｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

Tom continued to be quiet as they signed papers and drove back to the hotel, all (y/n) could get with her were one word responses. She wasn’t sure what had changed and made him so upset. She was worried he’d gotten a message from his managers or something.

“Tom come on, you can tell me what’s going on,” she begged, “I know you're upset.”

“It’s nothing okay? I keep telling you I’m fine.”

“But you aren’t, I know you aren’t, and I’m just trying to help, you know you can tell me anything.”

He pinched his nose, “I can’t tell you about this.”

“Of course you can,” she set her hand on his back with a frown, “You can tell me anything.”

“I don’t know, today was just stressful.”

“I’m sure no one saw anything, somebody would have contacted you already.”

“Not about that,” he sighed.

“Okay, what about then?”

“What if I didn’t want to get the annulment?”

She wrinkled her brow in confusion, “Why wouldn’t you?”

“Because it’s you,” he blushed.

“You want us to have some kind of platonic marriage?” she laughed.

Without a word he cupped her face, pressing his lips to hers for a bruising kiss, “We are not platonic, and my feelings are never going to be platonic.”

Her whole face flushed and her jaw hung open in shock, “You’re into me?”

“I’m completely crazy about you,” he nodded.

“S-So you want to marry me?”

“No, no,” he shook his head, “Not right now at least. But I don’t want to throw away any chance of us being together.”

“Tom annulling our drunk Vegas wedding isn’t the same as throwing away any chance of us being together,” she bit her cheek, “I mean I think it’s pretty obvious that I’m into you.”

His cheeks flushed bright red, “Really?”

She nodded, “Obviously dummy, I don’t think I would have married you if I didn’t.”

He laughed and rubbed the back of his neck, “So it would be cool if I wanted to take you on a date?”

“Very cool,” she nodded and wrapped her arms around his neck, “But maybe this time we can wait a little longer for the proposal.”

“Yeah well a Vegas drive thru was never exactly my dream wedding anyway,��� he squeezed her waist and pressed a kiss to her forehead, “Maybe we should go somewhere without alcohol though, just to be safe.”

“Considering my head’s still throbbing, I actually think I’m good on drinking for the rest of the year,” she got on her tiptoes, giving Tom another quick kiss.

“Speaking of which, how would you like to come take a hangover nap with me, girlfriend.”

“Sounds like a lovely use of our time, boyfriend.”

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Taglist:

@niallberry @spideyssunshine @namoreno @thevery-firstpage @outshineallthestars @roseke @zspideyy @emistrash @andreagf956 @tomsirishgirlx @peachyafshawn @agbspidey

[hanniiesuckle17]

The Modern Wife

HAN JISUNG REGENCY AU

A/n: Literally I’ve been so obsessed with the idea of this I had to mess up my schedule and write this. Also, omg will you look at that edit job??? I have never used photoshop in my life and look at that!!! Also special shoutout to Celi @poeticallyspaghetti​ for helping me so much with this

See how many Austen quotes you can spot!

Warnings: Slight cursing, mention of violence

Word Count: 11.5k

Summary: Miss Y/n L/n is the talk of the town. She is one of four gorgeous sisters. Her father is a successful politician who travels frequently back and forth to London. She is beautiful, poised, and absolutely unobtainable. Every man in town had been asking for her hand, all except a certain Colonel. Things are turned upside down when Miss L/n is forced into an engagement.

Genre: history!au, enemies to lovers!au, regency!au, historical!au, pride, and prejudice!au

“OW! Not so tight, Harry!” I screamed holding onto my bedposts as my maid and friend, Harriet pulled the laces tight on my corset. “Harry, are you trying to kill me?” I said with a laugh. The small thin plank of wood in the boning pressed hard against my chest and pushed up my breasts as high as they would go for no reason other than to put them on display. 

Ironic that it was unseemly to show my ankle but my cleavage could parade about the world openly. For the next forty minutes, Harriet proceeded to help me get dressed. The pale yellow frock complimented my skin nicely. Harriet always knew what I looked best in. She sat me down at my vanity while she fixed my hair, untwisted the fabric that tied my curls. Before she could finish my eyes glimpsed movement outside my window. 

“Cecilia!”

Bolting up from the chair I ran down the hall, fabric billowing behind me. I rushed passed several servants as I made my way down the sunlit passageway. “Miss Y/n,” our butler, Mr. Carson, exclaimed as I nearly ran him over. Thankfully he did not drop the glassware on his tray. “I’m sorry, Carson!” “Don’t worry about it, my lady.”

With a bright smile, I burst through the large entryway doors and was met by a gracious morning breeze, A carriage had pulled up in the driveway and a woman a few years older than me was exiting the cab with the help of a footman.

“Cecilia! You’re home!” 

“Y/n!”

Wrapping my arms around my elder sister I gave her the biggest hug imaginable. The sound of our laughter could most likely be heard from anywhere on the grounds. I was once again reunited with my sister. She had not been gone but a few months since her last visit, but it felt like ages to me. 

“I should hope I get the same welcoming as my wife,” Turning away, I saw my sister’s husband stepping out of the carriage, a kind smile on his face. “Of course, Chan. I could never forget my brother in law.” He gently gave me a hug before returning me back to my sister. 

“Is father home?” I shook my head, leading my sister arm in arm into the house. “No, he has yet to return from London.” She scoffed and held my hand tighter. “But, it is the beginning of spring! How can he miss your birthday?” Carson greeted Cecilia and Chan with a warm welcome before we continued to the parlor. 

“Do not worry. Papa said he would return in the next few days in time for the ball on Saturday. Tomorrow we girls will simply have to celebrate my nineteenth birthday together.” Chan left us to talk while he helped tried to help Carson and the footmen with the bags, much to Carson’s displeasure. Chan never could really get used to having servants do things for him.

“Where are Charlotte and Emma?” Cecilia was referring to our two younger sisters. Charlotte had turned sixteen this year and little Emma was now ten. “They are in lessons right now. Papa is still positively adamant we are all educated to the highest degree.”  “Of course, he is.”

My sister filled me in on everything that had happened in Dover in the past few months. She and Chan had moved there after they got married, much against father’s will. “Oh, Chan got a letter before we left. He said the Colonel was in London and met up with father. He might come back to Surrey for the spring.” 

Cecilia laughed as disdain took over my face. “Wonderful. There go my hopes of a lovely spring.” “He isn’t that bad, Y/n.” The Colonel was around Cecilia’s age, in his very early twenties. He was the one who introduced Chan to Cecilia. Chan had served in his infantry and had grown quite close to the young officer. 

Father adored the Colonel. Anytime the Colonel returned to Surrey, Papa would insist on us inviting him to our residence. Everyone loved the Colonel. He was a brave man who had done his country proud in the war, taking over his father’s position in the midst of battle after he tragically perished. There was just something about him that made me hate him. He walked around like he was entitled to everything around him. 

“Does that mean he’ll be returning with father?” Cecilia nodded as her husband entered the room. “Who?” Chan asked sitting across from us. “Colonel Han,” Chan nodded with a soft smile on his face, adjusting his jacket. “I assume so. Miss Y/n why are you asking about him? If my memory serves me correctly, the last time he was here you called him ‘Death’s head on a broomstick’,” 

“Well, it was rightly deserved. I’m simply asking because I would like to know when to board up Whitewater so that he simply can’t get in.” 

Cecilia’s bright blue eyes crinkled as she laughed. Running footsteps could be heard coming down the hall. In raced two girls who practically jumped on Cecilia. “Cecilia, we missed you!” Emma sang in her soft voice. Charlotte went and gave Chan a gentle hug as well. 

The next day we celebrated my birthday. Chan and Cecilia got me a lovely gift, a gorgeous leather-bound sketchbook. I knew there was no way they could possibly afford something of such quality, but Cecilia insisted I take it. Carson and the staff celebrated with us making and sharing a beautiful cake. The next two days went by quickly. Chan worked on his music, the girls continued their studies, and Cecilia and I spent the time walking the grounds and gossiping about anything and everything, with Harriet often joining us

On Thursday afternoon, Charlotte and I were strolling near the banks of the creek, for which our estate was named. The clear water quickly rushed along making almost a soft song with the wind in the trees. Soon, we began to grow tired so we headed back to Whitewater.

As we reached the estate, my eyes were drawn to a carriage and a horse stationed outside. No one was expecting visitors so it must mean father was home. Charlotte and I raced into the house, grins filling our faces. 

“Papa! Are you home?” I called out. Charlotte heard voices in the parlor, so we both ventured into the sitting room. “There are the rest of my beautiful daughters!” He exclaimed, getting up and wrapping his arms around us. It felt so good to have my father’s arms wrapped around me again. His familiar smell of burning wood and lavender. 

He pulled away and kissed each of our cheeks. “Girls, you remember Colonel Han Jisung.” I tried to hide the grimace on my face but failed. Of course. That’s whose horse was out front. My eyes fell on the man standing near the window. He wore a dark navy overcoat and pristine black boots. While his somewhat smaller and shorter than some of the other military men I had met in the past, there was no doubt about the way he commanded the room.  His shaggy brown hair was tousled from the ride back to Surrey. 

His dark eyes were hidden as he bowed and took Charlotte’s hand. A proper way to greet a lady. “Yes, unfortunately, I do remember,” I said rolling my eyes. “Believe me, feelings are the same Miss L/n.” The Colonel said giving me a curt bow. Rolling my eyes, I sat down next to Cecilia, who nudged me, giving me a look. 

“Papa, how was London?” Charlotte asked happily. Father smiled and sat back down near the fireplace. Mr. Han remained standing near where Chan was sitting. “Perfectly fine. Everything is well. It seems Napoleon’s advances in England have stopped for the time being. Also, I met quite an intriguing man and invited him to have dinner with us this evening.” 

“Is he handsome, Father?” Charlotte asked. “Charlotte, do not ask such things.” Cecilia scolded, gently pushing our sister back in her seat. “I should think so. Colonel, you are welcome to join us for supper as well.” 

“I wouldn’t want to impose.”

“You do most days anyway,” I muttered under my breath.

Ignoring the look he sent my way I turned back to father. “Nonsense! You shall join us!” The hour seemed to drag on. Father and Mr.Han seemed to only talk about the war. Papa only paused to ask Cecilia and Chan about Dover and Chan’s music. To be fair he only asked because Cecilia forced him to be civil with Chan about his work.

Soon, The Colonel decided he should return to his estate and unpack his things. “Thank you for your time. The visit was lovely.” He said graciously. Giving everyone a short goodbye, he mounted his horse and made the travel to Ruxfield Manor a few miles to the west of Whitewater.

“That was an eventful visit,” Cecilia said wrapping her arm in mine.

“It was a delightful visit-perfect in being much too short.” 

She laughed at my comment as the two of us climbed the stairs to get ready for dinner in a few hours. Harriet helped me change for dinner and pinned up my hair leaving a few twisting strands loose framing my face. “Carson told me your father and his guests are already in the sitting room,” I sighed picking up a handheld mirror as she clasped a necklace around my neck.

“Well, then we should join them.” I stood up, smoothing the dark green fabric of the dress Harriet had picked out. As I exited my bedroom, the door next to me opened as well to reveal my sister and her husband dressed for dinner. As we approached the parlor, Carson opened the door and announced us.

“Miss Y/n and Mr. and Mrs. Bang.”

All heads turned towards us as we entered the room. Two men stood up at the announcement. One was the Colonel, purely out of respect for the women of the household. His eyes never even moved to the door. The other man wore a dark almost velvet-like coat and he carried himself with high prestige. 

He had deep brown eyes and sharp features. “My darling girls,” Father exclaimed before setting down his glass of sherry. He came and kissed both of our cheeks. “Father,” I said, latching onto his arm. He led us over to the men and our sisters. 

“Mr. Han,” I said trying not to roll my eyes. He gave me a curt nod and then returned to his seat. “Y/n play nice,” Papa said jokingly. “I am, Papa!” 

“Miss Y/n,” The other man said bowing before me. I couldn’t help but give him a questioning look as he took my hand and placed a soft and chaste kiss on my skin. “Oh, and to whom do I owe the pleasure?”

“Angel, this is Mr. Lee. He is a barrister in London. Minho, this is my second eldest daughter.” Mr. Lee stood up straight and looked me over with a gentle, but mischievous smile. “The pleasure is all mine. Your father has told me so much about you.” 

“Oh has he now! All good things I hope!”

“You can you tell the difference?” The Colonel mumbled, taking a sip of his drink. 

“Oh please, you are hardly agreeable yourself.”

“I do not wish people to be very agreeable, as it saves me the trouble of being forced into casual pleasantries.”

Thankfully, Carson entered the room, saving the Colonel and myself from getting into yet another altercation. “Dinner is ready to be served in the dining room.” Mr. Han scoffed when Minho bowed once again and offered me his arm. The eight of us ventured into the dining room where our new light bulbs brightened up the space from the ceiling. Father was obsessed with every new invention.

Papa took his place at the head of the table, the girls on either side of him. Cecilia sat across from her husband and the Colonel was seated next to her and across from me. Mr. Lee was seated at the other end of the table.  

Polite conversation was heard throughout dinner. The girls discussed their studies with father, who then bragged about our education to Mr. Lee. Dinner was lovely as always. Mr. Lee was beyond courteous and thanked Carson and the staff for the meal. We engaged in polite conversation. Mr. Lee seemed to pride himself in small talk because the conversation never got any bigger. “You know green is my favorite color. It is almost as if you wore that dress to see me smile.”

To be frank he was quite boring. He seemed no different than the other men I had met except for the fact he seemed fascinated by the cats on his estate. Cecilia sent me a pitiful glance and I did my best to hide my expression from Father. 

“Doori is just so mischievous. And Soongi! You would love Soongi!” Cecilia stifled a laugh as I downed the rest of the wine in my glass. I was too preoccupied forcing the alcohol down my throat that I didn’t notice Mr. Han’s soft laughter at my struggle with Mr. Lee. 

“Since we are all here and getting along so well, I would like to say something,” Father announced to the room. Carson ushered the footmen out of the room and back to the kitchen before turning back to Father at full attention. Every eye at the table was on Papa.

“After much discussion and thought, I have decided that it is time for Y/n to be married.” 

All eyes turned to me. I froze and looked around the table. Excuse me? When did my father talk to me about this? He was just marrying me off to some random noble?

“Mr. Lee and I have agreed. We would like to announce an engagement by the end of the summer.” 

This time all eyes turned to Mr. Lee at the other end of the table. “What?” Cecilia says breaking the silence that had lasted for much too long. I could do nothing but stare at the table. There were too many emotions flying around and none of them were particularly good let alone ladylike. Everyone, even the Colonel looked between my father and Mr. Lee with widened eyes. Chan watched his wife struggling to comprehend my fate. The girls stared at me looking for an answer. I felt the Colonel’s stare like a weight, when I looked up he was looking anywhere except my face. He let out a hefty sigh with an emotionless expression as he soon became fascinated with the chandelier.

“Did you think to ask me how I felt?” Papa looked at me, his eyebrows raised in curiosity. “I didn’t think you would much care,” All of my sisters seemed shocked at his words. Father had always been so set on us making our own decisions. He always wanted us to be happy, especially after our mother had passed.

“Just because Cecilia decided she did not want to marry a noble doesn’t mean you can pass this onto me!” Cecilia looked down at her plate. It was no secret that Papa was outraged at her marriage to Chan. “This has nothing to do with your sister.” 

“You are sending me away! Why not just make this punishment even worse? Send me off with the Colonel, make my life completely miserable!”

“Y/n L/n!” Father yelled standing up. 

“Father you are at fault here too,” Cecilia said standing up. She rushed over and led me out of the room and up the stairs. When Harriet saw us down the hall she rushed to us and opened the door to my bedroom. “Did you hear, Harry?” You looked at the girl who sadly nodded. Of course, she had heard. People in France had heard the argument between me and Papa. Cecilia helped Harriet calm me down and change before placing a kiss on my forehead and leaving to confer with her husband. Slowly I slipped into a deep sleep hoping to forget the events of this night.

The next afternoon my sister and I strolled through the lanes of Surrey on our way to the dress shop. Cecilia had convinced me to come out and get a new dress for the ball tomorrow night with her. Despite my protests, she and Harriet dragged me out of bed and helped slip by my father’s study and into town. 

I had to admit, I was thankful to be away from Whitewater. Walking into the dress shop with my sister on my arm felt freeing. Like I wasn’t about to be engaged to a man I had absolutely no interest in. 

Breathing in the smell of the wood and the fabrics put a smile on my face. Cecilia ran over to the rolls of blue fabric. I had missed coming to the seamstress with my older sister. In Dover Chan and Cecilia didn’t have enough money to get a new dress more than once or twice a year, so Cecilia was thrilled to come with me. 

“What color do you think you would like?” Cecilia shouted from over her shoulder, pulling out a dress with baby blue fabric and white lace. I shrugged and sorted through the different dresses. “I will wear anything but green. Minho would not stop talking about how I wore his favorite color at dinner.” Cecilia laughed as I brushed passed a light green ensemble without hesitation. 

“Why don’t we send you in black since it is going to be your funeral anyway,” Cecilia said throwing a black frock at me. I laughed and returned the dress to the seamstress. “Y/n, what about this?” She handed me a gorgeous red dress that was embroidered with pearls and gold thread. 

“I have not worn red since we were little girls. It’s absolutely gorgeous!” The seamstress helped us try on the dresses before we paid for them and changed back. Cecilia laughed as I recounted the conversation with Mr. Lee as we walked out of the shop. I felt uneasy. Like something was off. Looking around I saw several young men from the town walking about and standing near shops but they all seemed to be looking anywhere but me, which was very abnormal. 

“Do you think they heard about the engagement? It isn’t even official yet!” Cecilia said, reading my mind. An exasperated sigh left my chest. “Nor will it be. I will marry Lee Minho over my dead body.” 

“Oh, Miss Y/n!” a voice called out from across the street. 

Looking for the source of the deep voice I found Lee Felix, Colonel Han’s aide. And of course, next to him, was Colonel Han Jisung himself. My sister laughed as the Colonel and I both grimaced. Despite the second protests of the day, Cecilia dragged me over to greet the two soldiers. 

Han and Felix gave the two of us military level bows and Felix greeted us happily. “I see you two ladies are enjoying today’s fine weather.” Mr. Han said looking around at the scenery, his hands behind his back and his posture incredibly straight. “Yes, Y/n and I were out shopping for an ensemble for the ball tomorrow.” 

Felix’s grin grew three times larger. “I see that!” He said pointing to the folded dresses in our arms. “Oh Colonel, Miss Y/n picked out a red dress! What a coincidence!” Han spared me and the dress in my arms a glance before scoffing and looking at Felix. “What is a coincidence? Do tell,” I said, a smirk falling on my lips. “Jisung was just saying how gorgeous the red roses were at Ruxfield.” 

“Ow-” Cecilia nudged my stomach with an innocent grin on her sweet oval face. “Y/n just adores roses! She was sketching them in the garden, just the other day.” Cecilia’s blue eyes sparkled as she nudged me once again. What was she getting at? They were just flowers. 

The Colonel looked up at my words, his eyes slightly widening. He quickly recovered and trained his eyes on the ground. “Well, Felix and I have much to attend to. I am sure we shall meet again tomorrow night.” I rolled my eyes as Han mounted his horse, Felix following close behind. 

“Come, we must prepare for tomorrow night, given this new information!”

“Cecilia! What new information? Stop pulling on my arm!”

The carriage rumbled to a stop in front of the Hall. My father the girls and I were all in one cab, while Chan and Cecilia rode in a separate carriage. A footman opened the door and helped me down from the cab. He gently took each of my sisters’ hands as they exited as well. The music swelled as we entered the Hall with our father in front of us.

Emma quickly ran off to the table filled with sweets and hour devours, and Charlotte was towed away by her friends. “Miss L/n!” Turning, I saw Mr. Lee pushing his way through the crowd. Wonderful. The last person I wanted to see.  Like a leech, Mr. Lee latched himself onto my arm. “Are you quite good at dancing, Miss L/n? I fancy myself quite the dancer. They do all the latest court dances in London you see.”

“If you would excuse me, Mr. Lee, I am quite parched,” I said interrupting the never ending stream of words. “Yes, quite alright. I shall miss every second you are parted from me!” Minho said placing a kiss on my hand. Begrudgingly, I plastered a smile on my face and maneuvered my way through the crowd. 

Spotting my sister’s golden brown hair, I moved through the flood of people. Her beautiful baby blue dress stood out against the dark colored suits and dresses around her. She stood next to her husband and another man. “Cecilia, thank goodness.” I heaved out in a sigh. “My dear sister, you look ravishing! Don’t you think so, Mr. Han?” Turning I saw The Colonel dressed in fine navy blue. His eyes drunk me in with a disenchanted expression.

“She is tolerable, but not handsome enough to tempt me; I am in no humor at the present to give consequence to young ladies with such ‘modern’ attributes.” 

Only to uphold my social presence and reputation did I refrain from slapping him. How could he say something so ghastly right to my face. Before I could fire back Chan interrupted, questioning his friend. “Han, do you plan on joining in the festivities? I certainly plan on bringing my adoring Cecilia onto the dance floor tonight. There is absolutely nothing like dancing after all. It is one of the first refinements of a polished society.” He sighed, rolling his eyes and placing his hands behind his back in a seemingly military sense. 

“Certainly, sir; and it has the advantage also of being in vogue amongst the less polished societies of the world. Every savage can dance.” “Not every savage-” Cecilia ventured. “I assure you, Mrs. Bang. Every savage can. Even damn Napoleon, so no I do not think I shall partake in the such an adolescent event.” 

The urge to shove his head up his ass grew stronger within me by the second, but I don’t think anything would be able to move past the gargantuan log shoved up there already. “Well, my dearest, would you accompany me onto the dance floor.” Chan said with a bright smile, offering a hand to his wife. Her lace gloved hand slid into his with a smile. Just as they were leaving a voice called out over the sea of guests. 

“Miss L/n! Where are you my love? Miss Y/n?” My eyes widened as I saw Minho’s head bobbing through the crowd. “Ah! Miss Y/n! There you are!” He said pointing in my direction. 

“Oh lord help me. Quick!” Without thinking I grabbed the nearest coat sleeve and pulled the man out onto the dance floor, a new dance beginning. “What in all hell?” He exclaimed, eyes turning to saucers. 

A sigh of relief left my lips as Minho walked right passed my previous location, still looking for me. Music swelled and the couples around me started dancing so I joined in with my partner. My heart skipped a beat when my eyes fell on Mr. Han standing in front of me, gently holding my hand and bowing. I curtsied to him and focused on looking for Mr. Lee in the crowd. Hopefully he wasn’t too close. Absentmindedly I followed the steps of the dance, my palm pressing lightly against the Colonel’s as we moved through the steps and turns of the dance. 

Halfway through the song, my eyes followed Mr. Lee as he searched for me into another room. This time a sigh of relief escaped as my focus turned back to the dance. I then became very aware of Mr. Han’s hand on my waist. “Mr. Han, I didn’t realize you could dance.” I jested a smirk playing on my lips. His face remained the same but there was something about his eyes that was different. 

“Miss L/n, I said any savage can dance. I am not excluded.” 

I was left without a retort. I simply stared at him as he circled and came behind me, one hand on my waist, the other gently holding my outstretched hand. The feeling of his chest against my shoulder  was unfamiliar but somehow inviting. He smelled like gun powder and old books. My eyes couldn’t seem to break away from his as we turned and moved with the music. 

The entire world seemed to dissolve away and all I could see was how he was looking at me. How he was holding me gently and cautiously, as if I was a butterfly in his palm. He had a softness in his eyes I had never seen before. The kind that showed a tortured past. Had he always been this handsome? 

Somehow I had never noticed the smooth lines of his face. The soft curve of his lips. The sharp angle of his jaw and the color of his warm tan skin from being in the sun on the battlefield. I had been completely oblivious. I was too stubborn to see the honorable man in front of me. I was even unkind to him on so many occasions yet he looked at me with such a hidden admiration. 

Our movements came to a stop and the Colonel stayed by my side, my hand still resting gently over his. I couldn’t seem to tear my eyes away from his stare. 

“Miss Y/n,” A voice called. Everyone was looking at me. Looking at us. Confusion and suggestion plastered on their faces. Suddenly the Colonel’s hands removed themselves he moved a good distance away from me. 

“Next time you would like to hide from your fiancee, use someone else as a shield. I would much rather not be involved in the manner.”

With a sharp, curt bow the Colonel excused himself and rushed off, disappearing into the bustling and whispering crowd. The gossip seemed to stop when Emma ran up to me, her big bright eyes sparkling. Leaving the moment between myself and Mr. Han behind, I danced with my sisters the rest of the night and did my best to fend off my soon to be fiancee. 

Hours later the evening drew to a close. Emma was already asleep and had returned to Whitewater with father a few hours earlier in our carriage. Charlotte and I walked out of the Hall our arms linked and laughing about Lady Moss’s hair piece. “Can you believe it?” Lottie laughed out of breath.

A yell from the street pulled our attention. “Your master stepped over the line!” A huge crowd had surrounded two very young men near the road. A fight had broke out between two footmen. I winced seeing a blow land on the smaller one’s face and another to his cut. My eyes widened when I caught a glimpse of his face. It was Felix. Colonel Han’s aide. 

“Lottie, go find Chan and Cecilia.” Nodding, she ran back into the hall to find our sister. I pushed my way through the crowd trying to see what was going on. Felix was doing his best to hold his ground against the other boy. It looked like Minho’s steward, Seungmin. “I have no control over what the Colonel does. You’re crazy!” Felix said blocking another swing. 

“Hey! Break it up! Stop this juvenile combat!” A voice boomed. Han himself pushed through the crowd and plowed through Seungmin, a hand clutching the collar of the boys shirt. “You do not touch him. If your quarrel is with me then face me so. Do not be a coward and go after my aide.” There was a fire in his eyes and Seungmin looked terrified. The power Han exuded would frighten any man. 

Seungmin, regaining his composure, threw a punch at the Colonel, landing on his jaw. While he seemed mostly unaffected, Seungmin took the opportunity to wriggle out of Jisung’s tight grasp. Han scoffed, and threw of his coat, rolling up his sleeves as well. “You will certainly regret doing that.” The crowd cheered as Han took a strike. His slim form allowed him to move with agility and strike with force. It was clear that Seungmin was done for. 

Another person burst through the crowd as Han threw Seungmin off of him. Minho caught his steward, pulling him up by the arm. He took Seungmin’s cheek in his hand and examined the boy’s beaten face, before handing him off to another footman. His glare then targeted the Colonel who stood out of breath and dark brown hair tousled. 

“How dare you assault my boy?” Minho screamed, pointing a finger at Mr. Han. “Do not jump to assumptions, my friend. Your boy att-” “First you try to seduce my fiancee in front of the entire town- then you assault my aide!” Han let out a breathy laugh before pointing at himself. “Me? You think I would ever be interested in the a woman such as Miss L/n?” His finger moved to point at me, but my glare in his direction was ignored. 

“Your man attacked mine first! It is you who needs to apologize! I will not have my staff humiliated and beaten by scum like you or your servants.” Han said beginning to get an almost erratic look in his eyes. “That’s it,” Minho said throwing his coat onto the ground. Without hesitation he leaped into the fight. The crowd cheered them on as I watched in horror.

“Stop! Stop this right now!” I screamed, but no one listened. Mr. Lee’s fist connected with Han’s temple, making his eyes go dark for a moment, before returning. Mr. Lee took the opportunity to throw Han over his shoulder and onto the ground before my feet. 

“Mr. Lee, stop right this instant! Both of you! There is no use fighting over me! this is complete nonsense.” Mr. Han’s eyes rolled over to me as he sat up. He winced as he moved to stand up. It took all of my power not to break his stare. 

“Frankly my dear, I don’t give a damn about you.”

Why did his words wound me? The hurt must have shown on my face for a brief moment because once again his eyes softened. Before he could say something Mr. Lee took a cheap shot, his fist flying across Han’s cheek. My eyes did not fail to miss the drops of blood that landed on the dirt. Han wasted no time in fighting back. 

“ENOUGH!” I screamed. Reputation be damned. I was finished. I had enough. Storming up, with all my strength I pushed the men apart. The two seemed insistent on continuing the brawl. The only thing stopping the Colonel from destroying Mr. Lee was my hands pushing against his shoulders. “You know nothing about me!” My loathsome future fiancee shouted.

“You are only trying to buy her from her father; like she is some prize!” Han sneered. “She is not some timepiece or your stupid pet!” Hearing a yell from Mr. Lee I turned to stop him only to feel a strike against my head. My vision started to blur and my head started to spin before I felt myself fall to the ground. 

Every person froze. Mr. Lee and the Colonel watched in horror as I collapsed to the ground barely conscious. Not a second later Chan burst through the crowd with Cecilia in tow, breaking up the fight. She gasped seeing my body on the ground. Quickly she rushed to my side and cradled my head in her lap. 

“Quick! Someone help!” Felix, still recovering from his beating, rushed over without hesitating. With some struggle, he got my partially limp body in his arms as Cecilia led him to where our carriage should have been. Han seemed to snap out of his shock, and he rushed to Felix’s side. “Mr. L/n took their carriage. Felix, we’ll go in ours.” Nodding, Felix turned and rushed to the Colonel’s cab and gently placed me on the seat. Cecilia placed my head in her lap as Han jumped into the cab with us, worry painted all over his face. 

Felix jumped up into the coach’s seat. Han pounded on the carriage wall and screamed for Felix to go. “Felix, hurry! To Whitewater. Take the back road it’s  faster!”  Han prayed that they could return to my estate fast enough to call a doctor. When the carriage pulled to a stop, the Colonel took me from Cecilia’s lap and held me in his arms, letting my head roll onto his chest. 

“Into the house! Carson! Carson, call the physician!”

Mr. Han carried me up the steps of the porch and impatiently yelled at Felix to hold the door. The poor boy rushed up and let Han carry me through the doorway. Han cautiously handed my semi-conscious body over to Carson. His brow furrowed, concern flooding his features as he watched my loving staff rush to my aid. Carson placed me gently on a sofa  and Cecilia carefully undid the tight curls in my hair so my head had somewhat less pain. 

 Han could do nothing but stand off to the side watching in distress. “Miss Bang...please let me offer my assistance-”

“You have done enough,”

Cecilia did not mean her words to come out as harsh as they did. He knew that. He scolded himself at his thoughts. ‘If only Y/n had not gotten in the way.’ ‘Lee Minho will pay for what he has done.’ A touch on his shoulder brought him back to reality. Turning he saw Felix, a frown on his face. “Sir, we should return to Ruxfield. I will be sure to inquire of Miss L/n’s health in the morning.” Almost as if he was giving him no choice, Felix guided the Colonel back to his carriage and the two departed. 

The next morning I awoke to find both Cecilia and Harriet sleeping beside me. Harriet even in her sleep was still holding cloth wrapped ice to my forehead. Sensing my movement, Harriet woke up and asked millions of questions about how I was feeling. 

Cecilia then woke up not long after. She recounted what happened  after the fight and then left to let me change for the day. The next week went by with no word from the Colonel. Felix came by the first morning to give his apologies at the Colonel’s request. Sadly, Mr. Lee visited almost daily. I had taken to sketching in the book gifted to me by my sister, hoping this would come as a distraction from remembering certain interactions from that night. 

The afternoon was perfect. A light rain had come in the morning, leaving droplets on the the flowers in the garden. Now the sun was out and shining, as I sat on a bench outside with my sketchbook amongst the flowers. “My lady you have a visitor.” Carson said from the stone walkway. The garden had somewhat of a keyhole stone path, with a fountain and stone circle at the center. Mr.Carson stood near the fountain. Through the water you could see the outline of a man’s over coat. “If it is Mr. Lee send him away. I am in no mood to entertain him today.”

“Mr. Lee is not the one asking for visitation,” A smooth deep voice spoke as its owner moved from behind the fountain. 

Colonel Han stood a little in front of Carson, looking at you with a serious expression. The same he wore every day of his entire life, except it his eyes. His eyes once again held that softness, as if it was a sight only you could bring out of him. “I’d have to jump off a bridge if I was that cat loving bigot.”  A hint of a smile slid onto his lips. 

He was correct. Mr. Han was nothing like Mr. Lee. Han was rough. He had edges. He never primped himself like Mr.Lee did. I couldn’t help but drink him in. His dark hair was shaggy and he only wore a simple shirt and the old navy overcoat he seemingly never took off. His boots were dirty and scuffed, but well taken care of. A sign of his daring acts but military discipline. A blush came over my cheeks as I remembered the feeling of dancing with him, his chest against my back.

“Jis- Colonel... to what do I owe the pleasure.” I closed my sketchbook and placed it beside me on the stone bench. “Papa is in London, but he should return by nightfall.” In all of my life I had never been nervous in front of a man other than my father. I believed a woman should be a strong and elegant vision, not simply standing behind a man but beside him if at all. So why could I not meet Mr. Han’s eyes. 

“I’m not here to see your father. I’m here to see you.”

My eyes widened at his words. Nothing was different about him. He still stood straight with his arms behind his back, keeping a respectable distance form me. His face remained stoic as if he was reading from a war plan. “Thank you, Carson. You may leave us,” 

It was Han’s turn to be flustered upon hearing my words. Being the respectful man he was he always adhered to the social protocol of a woman and man never being alone unless with a chaperone. Carson raised his brow in question, but complied, entering the house.

A moment of awkward silence followed. Then another. And another. It was almost like Mr. Han had lost the ability to function after being alone with me. Nervously, I played with the fabric of my dress. What could he possibly want to discuss with me. We have hardly had a pleasant conversation in our entire lives. “Miss Ln-” His words halted when I looked up at him. His eyes went immediately to my face. I knew exactly what he was looking at. The bruise from that night. It was lighter now, having had a week to heal, but still visible.

“Oh Y/n...” He reached out as if to touch my face, but thought better of it and pulled back. There was no longer a wide expanse between us. He now stood only a few feet away from where I sat.  “We are not even wed, and yet I have already forsaken you and broken a valiant code...” He muttered under an aggravated sigh.

He was grateful that I didn’t hear it. “If you are indeed here for me, please enlighten me of your purpose for I am in the dark.” I said pushing a strand of loose hair around my face. As he opened his mouth to speak a deep voice called his name. 

“Colonel Han!”

Felix came running out of Whitewater. He was out of breath and his hair and clothes were out of place, like he had just gotten off his horse. He handed on a sealed envelope and whispered something in Mr. Han’s ear.  Immediately, Han opened the letter with his long nimble fingers. His eyes quickly scanned the letter, leaving me in anxious silence. 

“What is it?” I asked on the edge of my seat. Han handed the letter back to Felix and whispered something back to him. Felix spared me a glance before leaving us alone. 

The Colonel raked a hand through his already slightly disheveled hair and turned his back to me. Something was compelling me to reach out to him. “Jisung,” He turned at the sound of his name. My mind had yet to register the fact this was the first time I had actually said his name. He on the other hand, did notice.

“What is the matter?” He sighed and looked back at the house. Felix was standing by the door, discussing something with Carson. “Napoleon has resumed his advances on the border.” It took me a moment for me to process the information. This was news that was not for me to hear. “Why-”

“They are calling me to the front line.”

I couldn’t speak.

“Felix gave me my orders just now. I leave in the morning.”

This meant so many things. This meant our country was once again at war with France. It meant Father would have to stay in London. It meant Mr. Han would be sent to the heat of the battle commanding easily a thousand men in combat. It meant Jisung...was being sent into battle that he might not come back from.

Why did I even care? I was in line to be engaged. Granted it was to a spinless snob I practically loathed. “I may be a bitter married woman when you returned. Then our arguments will be that much more interesting.” Another look flashed across his face. Almost like he was disappointed that was what I had chosen to say. Like he had wished I had asked him to stay.

“Let’s hope for the both of us that is not true when I return.”

Before I could understand his words Felix returned, this time with Carson behind him. He came to Mr. Han’s side and urgently whispered something in his ear. Han nodded and brushed him off before turning back to me, his eyes growing soft. Gently, he took my hand. All I could do was watch as he brought it up to his lips and softly kissed my knuckles. 

It was an action I had experienced many times from many men. All seeking for my hand in marriage. But this. This was different. This felt intimate. Like the kiss was burning itself into my skin as if to mark me for life. His eyes joined mine as he pulled away. 

“Colonel, we have to go.” Felix said breaking the silence. Han slid his hand from mine and he turned to follow Felix back to Ruxfield to prepare for is departure. My body could do nothing but watch him leave.

“You’re all grown up now, Miss Y/n.” Carson said. He had the kindest smile on his face as he came to sit on the bench, pulling me down with him. “What do you mean, Carson?” He sighed, taking my hand in his. Carson was nothing like my father. He and my mother were very close and Mr. Carson always seemed like a real father figure in my life. He was the one who taught me to dance, and what books I should read, and even how to play poker. 

“You are falling in love. I would know that look anywhere.” Love? With the Colonel. Impossible. I despised him. Right? “I am not in love. If I was in love I would be getting married.” He chuckled and patted my hand. “Aren’t you though?”

“Carson, do you see me voluntarily marrying that mess of a man?”

“Are you speaking of Lord Lee or Colonel Han?”

Blinking, the thought crossed my mind. Of course I was talking about Mr. Lee right. I was set to marry him. Was Carson saying I should marry Mr. Han? Marrying Colonel Han Jisung. The thought had never crossed my mind. Now that it did, why did my heart swell.

“Of course I’m speaking of Mr. Lee. Father would forbid anyone else.” Carson nodded, looking over the garden. “So, are you saying there is someone else?” He took my silence as an answer, smiling. 

“An unhappy alternative is before you, Y/n. From this day you must be a stranger to one of us. Your father will never see you again if you do not marry Mr. Lee, and I would never see you again if you do.” 

A warm, fatherly smile filled his eyes. “Do you love him?” There was no question of who he was talking about. “While I have lost my heart, I shall not lose my self control. I will not become one of those silly girls running around with their heads in the clouds controlled by love.” Carson laughed and picked a flower near the bench.

“Silly things do cease to be silly if they are done by sensible people in an impudent way.” 

Before I could respond I was interrupted by what seemed like the fourth time today. “Y/’n! Y/n!” Cecilia ran out of the house a grin from ear to ear. Emma and Charlotte followed hot on her heels. Her light blue dress blew behind her as she ran over to us. “Y/n, I’m pregnant!” After blinking a few times I wrapped her up in a hug and cheered. Carson joined us and we all went inside to celebrate Cecilia’s news, leaving the conclusion of my conversation with Carson in the back of my mind.

Spring came and went. Soon came the long months of summer and with it came heavy summer storms. The Whitewater creek was filled to capacity and quite dangerous. Father had come home from London and the tensions had been high ever since he returned. Papa seemed hell bent on my marriage to Mr. Lee. 

Every chance he got he brought up the engagement. I was starting to think Carson may have been right. Every mention of Mr.Lee drove me further away from him and made me wonder about another man...far away. 

Another man who didn’t write. Not once. I found myself jumping to the door when Carson delivered our mail to our rooms. Weeks passed and still I heard no word from him. Weeks turned into months until it became the middle of summer. Still no word from the Colonel. Not even to my father about the war. I was beginning to worry something had happened. Certainly he wouldn’t forget about me after a goodbye like that? Why did I even care? I hated the man. Yes, I hated the man. I had all the right to hate him if he wasn’t going to send me even one letter. 

Another summer storm raged outside my window. “Miss you will have to leave your room sometime.” Harriet said, hanging up some of my laundry. “If Cecilia will not leave her room then I too shall not.” Harriet laughed as I watched the water pelt against the glass. “Miss Y/n, your sister is ordered by the doctor to bed rest. Chan is taking care of her. You are simply sulking over your engagement.” 

“I am not sulking over my engagement.”

“Then a certain Colonel perhaps? Maybe the lack of a letter?” 

Before I could correct my friend, Carson knocked on the door and entered. “My lady, your father wishes to speak to you in his study.” I sighed, turning back to the window. “Carson, I am in no mood to speak to Papa.” Harsh winds blew the trees in the forest just outside the estate. “My lady, he is leaving for London in an hour. He is insistent on speaking to you.”

Carson gave me a small smile. He was probably right. It was better to simply speak to him before he left than ignore him until he returned home. With a sigh, I got up from my window seat. Harriet straightened my dress and adjusted the loose but proper style she had done to my hair this morning. I knew exactly what awaited me behind the heavy wooden doors. My knuckles softly wrapped against the oak. 

“Enter,” 

The gruff voice of my father echoed as I opened the door. He sat at his desk writing a letter or some other important document. “Papa, you wanted to talk to me?” I said standing near one of the many bookshelves in his study. “Yes, about your marriage.” 

“Papa. I already told you I will not marry Mr. Lee-”

“The date has been set. You will marry Lee Minho in one month’s time.”

My jaw dropped in disbelief. “Father!” He didn’t even look up from his work. “Do not ‘Father’ me. You knew this was going to happen. You will marry Mr. Lee. You will do as your told. It is your duty as a woman of this household.” What? My what?

“My duty as woman?” 

“Yes.”

“Father, I have no duty as woman. Especially to you. I will not marry a man who I do not love. It is not my duty to obey your every command!” This was when he chose to look at me. His eyes turned cold. “Y/n L/n. You are my daughter. You will do as I say!” Rage filled every inch of my body. “No! I will control my own life! I will not marry him and that is final! Times are changing. It is time you changed with them, Father!” The sound of his chair screeching against the wood floor made me flinch. “We are a family of tradition! I will not let your silly misguided modern values change our family!”

His voice boomed loud enough for the entire estate to hear. “What would mother think of this! She would never-” “DO NOT BRING YOUR MOTHER INTO THIS!” A book  flew across the room. Never the less I stood  my ground, staring straight back at him even though tears threatened to spill over my eyes. 

“I wouldn’t have to if you would just be-” 

“If you are going to continue this kind of behavior then I want you out of Whitewater until you come to your senses!” 

A silence followed; the kind that hurt. The kind you could feel- like needles plunging into your skin. Rain continued to fall on the roof and windows like bullets. 

“So be it.” 

With word I stormed out of the study and towards the door. Shouts from the staff could be heard behind me as I burst through the doors and out into the rain. “My lady! Y/n!” Carson called. My feet carried me to the stables. Grabbing a saddle and mounting the closest horse I rode out into the storm.

Finally able to let tears flow away from any eyes, I screamed. Never had I felt so much agony. My own father was shunning me. The man I admired had abandoned me and was sent to war. The man I despised was forcing me into marriage. My skin burned as harsh rain pelted against it. The wind blew through my hair pulling it loose.

Even through all this pain it felt...freeing. It felt amazing to run through the forest outside of Whitewater, thunder rolling in the air and rain showering down. My heart still wretched in pain. I missed my family, despite our arguments. Most of all I missed Mr. Han, despite our many many differences.

A loud crack boomed through the sky and a flash of white burst in front of my horse. I screamed as the horse  reared, throwing me off its back onto the forest floor. I felt a pain against the back of my head upon impact. The horse sprinted away in fear leaving me stranded. 

“Help!” I screamed into the dark. My legs struggled to hold themselves up and my vision started to become blurry. It became indecipherable what was rain or tears on my cheeks.

The world started to spin as I walked forward. I must have been ‘walking’ for hours. The cold had started to set in and the rain showed no sign of stopping. By now I was miles away from Whitewater and the closest estate was fifteen miles east.

“Help me...” 

My dress was getting heavier and heavier despite the fabric being so light before. It clung to my skin and my hair hung in dark wet strands in front of my face.  Over the thundering storm I thought I heard hoof beats through the forest. I must have been hallucinating. Not being able to hold myself up anymore, I leaned against a tree.

“Y/n?” 

Definitely hallucinating. I was even hearing his voice now. How did I remember what his voice sounded like? Exhaustion started to set in, the pain and cold making my eyes droop and my body feel even heavier. 

“Y/n? Y/n, where are you?” 

Through my blurry vision I thought I saw the outline of a horse and rider wearing a dark navy coat. “Y/n!” My strength was wearing thin. Taking a chance, that it wasn’t my imagination I pushed myself off the tree and stumbled forward. “Oh god! Y/n stay where you are I’m coming!”

Hooves pounded against the ground growing closer. My head started ti spin even more as the rider jumped off his horse and rushed to me. Before I could fall, I was taken in a pair of strong arms. The edges of my vision started to blackout, my hearing came in and out, and my body shivered trying to keep itself warm. The person clutched me to their chest and pushed the wet pieces of hair away from my face, desperation in their deep voice. “Miss L/n? Y/n, can you hear me? I’ve got you now. I’m here.”

My throat felt dry. “The Colonel...he-he didn’t write to me. I’m...I’m still waiting for his letter. I can’t leave...” The rider sighed and I tried to make out his face. “Do you know Colonel Han? He told me not to get married...so I didn’t...” The words came out in slurs but they came out nonetheless. The rider clutched my head to their chest gently. 

“I know, darling, I’m sorry.” He gently laid me on the forest floor and took off his coat wrapping it around me. “I couldn’t even though I wanted to.” Gently he picked me up as if I weighed nothing and moved over to the horse. Through my haze I heard him curse. Even in my state I knew there was no way he could get myself and him on the horse safely. 

“Stay with me, darling.” I tried to focus on the rider’s words as he tried to figure out how to get me to safety. The exhaustion won out, leaving me in the darkness. 

Colonel Han kept his head. He couldn’t panic. Not even when he saw her eyes close shut. “Damn.” His dark hair clung to his forehead as he searched for a solution. She wouldn’t last much longer. Her body was already freezing in his arms. 

His horse was too high to lift her up and Ruxfield was too far to walk. Why was she outside of Whitewater in the first place? In a storm? Whitewater. Whitewater was no more than five miles away. He could make it there. Forgetting about his exhaustion from the ride back from the front line, Jisung adjusted the woman in his arms, resting her head against his chest and his arms under her legs, he began walking all the way back to Whitewater. 

His arms and legs burned as he climbed over the last hill. He couldn’t help but smile as he saw Whitewater in the distance through the rain. “We are almost there, darling. Hold on for me.” He just had to hold on long enough to reach Whitewater. To see Y/n was alright.

With his last burst of energy, Jisung burst through the front doors of Whitewater. “HELP! I need a physician! Someone help!” Several staff including Carson rushed up to him, seeing Y/n in his arms. “Quickly, upstairs!” he said, making a path for Jisung. She shivered in his arms as he carried her down the hall and up the stairs. 

“Harriet call the physician! Tell him it’s an emergency!” A girl he had scene with Y/n before nodded and rushed to call a doctor. “Y/n! Where is she! Y/n!” Cecilia called rushing to the Colonel. “Cecilia, love, move!” Chan said wrapping the woman in his arms. “Where is Father? He should be here!” She said as they moved passed her. “Your father left for London.” Carson said. 

Carson rushed to push open the door to the girl’s bedroom. The Colonel gently placed the girl on her bed and let the staff rush around the room to help her. All he could do was watch as the only woman he had thought about for the past four months lay helpless on her bed, shivering. 

A pair of strong hands pushed him softly out of the room and into the hall. He looked up to find Chan. “Han, you are freezing.” “I am fine,” He tried to get a look back into the room, but a maid closed the door. “You need to rest. You just returned on leave.” 

“Chan I will be fine!” 

Reluctantly, the man left Jisung alone in the hall. He watched as people walked in and out of the room, rushing with towels, blankets, wet clothes, new clothes, even hot kettles. Soon a physician arrived and entered her room. It felt like hours that Jisung had waited outside her door. Finally the girl, Harriet, walked out. She jumped when he grabbed her arm.

“Give me an occupation miss-or I shall go mad.”

Taking in the man’s tired state she handed him a towel. “The doctor says Ms. L/n hit her head and has a serious case of hypothermia.” She watched as Mr. Han sighed and ran a hand through his wet shaggy hair. “Please let me do something. Anything.” All she could offer was the smallest smile. 

“You’ve done all you can possibly do. Thank you for saving my mistress.” 

With a sorrowful nod he watched as she walked away. “We would be happy to set up a room for you, sir. We would be happy to keep you updated on how the lady is doing.” He gave Harriet a kind smile. “That would be very generous, Miss. I’ll only be staying for the two nights, if that is alright. I have orders to return to the line.” With a nod, Harriet went to prepare a room for the Colonel.

During those two days, Mr. Han never left her side. He stayed by her bedside helping Harriet and Cecilia with anything they asked. One the morning of his departure he gave Cecilia the name of his personal carrier. “If there is any change please let me know. The letter will go directly to me.” She nodded and took the piece of parchment watching the Colonel leave once again.

Sunlight streamed through my window. My head pounded and my body still felt cold.  Slowly I slipped out of my bed, feet placing themselves slowly on the cool wood floor. “You are awake!” Cecilia screamed. Rushing over she practically tackled me back onto my bed. “Cecilia, the baby!” “Oh I don’t care you are okay! Thank heavens you are okay!” 

I couldn’t help but smile as she hugged me. “Chan will kill you if you hurt his child before it’s even born.” “Shhhhhhhh! Not now. My sister has returned from the dead.” Laughing she hugged me even harder. 

“Oh! I almost forgot.” She pulled away and rushed to my dresser. When she returned she had a letter in her hands. “This came for you yesterday. You have been asleep for almost a week. You needed quite a lot of rest. I don’t blame you.” She handed me the envelope with a small smile. “Wait, where are you going?” I asked as she started to leave my room. “I think I should leave you alone with that.” Something about her smile made me laugh.

My shaking hands opened the letter with my name addressed on it in rough but elegant handwriting. When I opened it the familiar smell of gunpowder and old parchment reached my nose. The same handwriting greeted me as I read the letter.

“Miss Ln,

I have written this letter many times, but have been a coward to not send it. I had hoped I would be home to say this-but it seems Napoleon has different plans than I. 

Miss L/n, I would like to apologize from the bottom of my heart. There were a thousand times I wanted to write to you, but events on the front line prevented me. I would like to apologize for not getting to you sooner that day. I wish I had been there soon for you, my darling. 

I pray that by the time you get this letter you are not yet married to that insolent pitiful disgrace of a man. Though the timing may be off I have something to ask of you. Something to confess...

Miss L/n you have bewitched me- body and soul. To what time I fell so deeply under your spell, I cannot recall. I know not the hour or the spot or the words or even the look that lay the foundation. I was in the middle before I even began. What a proud fool I was. To think my stubbornness was the only thing keeping me from you.  In vain I have struggled, but it will not do. You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and...love you.

It seems as if the only thing keeping me alive in this battle is the image of you smile. I would die a thousand deaths for that smile.

I have heard your father’s news of your wedding. I beg of you. Do not follow through. I hope that perhaps there is something I can offer. Miss L/n...should I return, I would like to humbly request for your hand. I know I have no right to you, nor should any man. You are the most strong woman I have ever had the pleasure and fortune of meeting, and to me it makes you the most beautiful woman to walk this earth. 

I hope to hear from you soon, my darling. Until then, I shall be fighting for the day that I do. I long for the day I am home. 

In hope,

Han Jisung”

I sat in disbelief. Colonel Han Jisung had written me a letter professing his love. He proposed... Leaving the letter on my  bed I walked to the window. The audacity. To ask me over a letter? A knock sounded at the door pausing my pacing. “Enter,” Harriet paused when she saw the look on my face. “Miss, what’s the matter.”

“Harry, I believe I have a serious decision to make.” 

 Months passed. Summer turning into mid fall. Father’s supposed wedding date for me had long passed. Each time Mr. Lee had visited Carson had turned him away. More letters from the Colonel had arrived, but they all said the same thing and soon they came to a stop. Cecilia had given birth not to long ago, to a beautiful baby boy. Chan and my sister had named the child Benjamin. 

News came that the war ended, England victorious. Soon I would be expecting a visitor. I sat in the garden with my sketchbook, drawing the few flowers that were left in the beds among other things. A certain face had popped up in the pages of my book several times. “Miss Y/n,” I looked up to see Carson walking down the pathway. 

“You have a visitor.”

A smirk fell across my lips. “Well, I believe I have been expecting him so let us not keep him waiting any longer.” With a smile, Carson returned into the house to fetch my guest. Patiently, I waited for the guest to come out and see me. I heard the sound of boots against the stone pathway and smiled.

“Good afternoon, Colonel.”

“Yes, indeed, Miss L/n.”

There was a nervous expression on his face. Once again he looked like he had just returned from active duty. His dark hair had grown a little longer and he wore the same navy overcoat again. His shirt underneath was covered in black powder and some of the buttons were undone to reveal his tan and slightly toned chest. Yes, definitely just returned. Returned with no time to change apparently. 

Quickly I brought my attention back to my sketchbook in hopes that it would hide the heat spreading on my cheeks. “Did...you receive my letters?” Self control regained, I turned my attention back to Mr. Han. “Why yes, Colonel Han, I did in fact receive several letters.”

“And you are not married...”

“No, I am not.”

The man stood perfectly still in military fashion, his hands clasped behind his back. “Well are you going to speak? You certainly did not come to Whitewater just to stare at me did you?” Shock crossed Han’s face. It was evident he had not expected me to speak to him like this. It was fun to see the stoic Colonel flustered. 

“I came to ask you response. You never wrote back to me.” I shrugged, getting off the bench. “Response? I don’t remember ever being properly asked a question.” He sighed running a hand through his hair, a habit that I had missed while he was away. “I do recall asking-” “No, Colonel Han. You requested. You, sir, never asked me anything. So why should I dignify you with a response.” 

Maybe it was the smile, or the slight twinkle in my eye, but he laughed. A sound that I had never heard from the man. It made me want to memorize every sound and feature of his face when he laughed. “Then, should I ask you properly, Miss L/n?” It was a genuine question, not of simple jest. “There is no harm in questions.” He took a deep breath and looked me in the eyes. 

“Miss L/n, will you please allow me the great honor of making you my wife?”

“No.”

“Excuse me?”

His eyes widened at my quick response. “I’m sorry Colonel, but I cannot promise to be any man’s wife who sits prettily in a corner and who is expected to obey every word he says. I won’t be expected to just sit around waiting for you-...him- to come home.” 

“Wherever you are is my home; my only home.”

There was sincerity in his eyes. Love. “Mr. Han,” He sighed taking my hands in his. Though his touch was still unfamiliar, it felt sure and safe. “Miss L/n, please let me speak.” He practically begged. I waited silent for him to continue.

“I am half in hope and half in agony. If your feelings are still what I assumed they were last April, tell me so at once. My affections and wishes are unchanged but one word from you will silence me on the subject forever.” He searched my eyes for an answer. 

“Miss L/n, I am in love with you more than you will ever know. I want nothing more than to be with you. To wake up to every morning- to fall asleep next to you every night. To stand next to me, not behind me. I am in love with your wit, and your charm, and how you always keep me on my toes more than any battle ever has. I am in love with your modern values and your spontaneity.” Han’s hands were rough against mine, his slender fingers ghosting over my skin.

“Y/n...Will you marry me, and do me the honor of letting me be your husband?”

Han’s dark eyes looked into mine- indeed half in agony and half in hope. He looked at me as if everything in the world that mattered to him was standing in front of him. The look in his eyes couldn’t help but make me smile. I was in love with Colonel Han Jisung and it couldn’t be helped.

“Yes,”

“Yes?”

“Yes.”

“Really?” He asked. “Of course.” He smiled and looked down at his hands still gently holding mine. “May I?” He asked softly, glancing between my eyes and my lips. It only took a small nod for him to act, pressing his lips softly onto mine. My head begin to feel dizzy in the best way. His fingers traveled up the bare skin of my arms and then down to rest on my waist, bringing me closer. Han smiled as my hands pressed against his chest, kissing him back. 

“I love you, Jisung. With all my heart.”

“It took you long enough to say it, my darling.”

El Fin

Requests are open my lovelies!

Masterlist

[datawyrms]

Not That Similar

Dannymay day 3: Reflection

“You know, this is the part where Jazz’d be all ‘maybe you should reflect on how you got here’, but with your whole creepy vampire thing you probably don’t even have one-” the younger half ghost broke off their taunt with a yelp, narrowly dodging at hot pink ectoblast. “Maybe anger management classes? Yoga? Knitting? Work with me here!” he kicked off the wall before another blast could connect, turning it into an impromptu propelled punch when Plasmius raised a shield instead of dodging, both hybrids grunting from the collision.

Vlad recovered first, quickly flying backwards to regain his preferred distance. “Must you insist on such juvenile taunts Daniel? Though I suppose being raised by that oaf of a man stunted any attempts of maturing.” 

Danny’s eyes flared at the jab at his father, “Says the fruit loop stalker! Get over it and leave my family ALONE!” He launched off three ectoblasts in quick succession, speedy but too predictable to hit the elder hybrid, who blocked them all with an exaggerated yawn. 

“You could have been so much more than this if you’d just used your head, Daniel.”

“Oh I’m already way more than you. See, I actually have people who love me. Like my mom. Who totally hates you.”

Any further additions were cut off with Plasmius’ sudden movement, throwing a blast high and grabbing Phantom by the throat when he flew low to dodge it. White gloved hands scrabbled against his black one, green eyes furious. The impulsive panic to free himself stopped him from doing something effective, like shooting Vlad point blank.

“Do not test your luck, boy. Besides, if you believe that, you would have told them your little secret by now. You had been bluffing that day after all.” he spun and flung his captive downwards, grinning at the satisfying sound of the boy’s body cracking asphalt. “Maybe you can be the one reflecting once you peel yourself off the ground, hmm?”

Danny found his feet with a groan, rolling his shoulders as he got back into the air. “Hey, I’m not the one so pathetic they couldn’t wait five seconds to kill my dad. The whole ‘oooh join me’ crud would have worked waaaaay better before attempted murder.”

The admission set Vlad off balance, taking a blast to the chest. It was painful enough to push him backwards a little, but he tried not to show any other signs it had been effective. The second blast from the ground, not originating from the other half breed did provoke a yelp from sheer surprise.

“Tough luck Plasmius! We already caught your minions!” Tucker yelled from the ground, shaking a thermos at the aerial combatants. “We got your back Danny!”

“Actually, I think the road got that but thanks Tuck!” Phantom grinned, any lost confidence returning in seconds. “So much for your ‘rob FentonWorks’ plan, huh?” he paused at the whine of something powering up. “Oooh, Sam brought the bazooka! You've lost, Plasmius. Again.”

The growl Vlad let out was almost feral, but the younger ghost was right. Short of killing Danny’s little entourage, there was no point in continuing this. It did seem like they might have missed his actual motive for distracting Danny from the FentonWorks lab, but he’d need to be in his own lab to check that.

“Being pulled into the ghost zone by a portal in your head might count as payback to all your experiments” Sam warned, tracking Vlad with the heavy silver weapon.

“Oh very well. Perhaps someday you’ll learn to win on your own merits.”

“That’s the thing Vladdie. I don’t have to.”

Danny’s pained yelp as the parting shot connected was some satisfaction as Plasmius vanished. He’d see how the boy changed his tune soon enough.

“I hate that fruit loop.” Danny grumbled, changing back to human before reuniting with his friends. 

“Word. Any hints on what he wanted the catcher for?”

“Nope. Just the usual junk. Dude needs a hobby like yesterday.”

“Knowing him, his hobby is trying to beat you up.” Sam added, grinning when the half ghost moaned.

“That totally is his hobby, isn’t it. Urgh.”

Tucker gave his friend a playful pat on the back. “He should change his name to the Fenton Ghost, give the Box Ghost a run for most accurate name.”

“I am totally using that next time.”

“If you do, Tuck’s stitching you up for giving you the idea.”

“It’d be worth it. Can you imagine the look on his face?” Danny dismissed Sam’s frown with a laugh, glancing at his home. “Guess I’ll see you guys tomorrow.”

“Try not to get double grounded this time. My Doomed skills are rusting away without you.”

“Tell that to the ghosts!” his blue eyes looked pleadingly to the sky before he walked up the steps, waving as his friends continued on to their homes.

It took Danny a week to figure out that maybe they’d missed what Plasmius’ intentions had actually been. As that was when he ended up screaming at his own reflection, only managing to fend off the worried Fenton parents with a quick excuse of ‘some big cockroach ghost’ scared him.

The second look didn’t fare much better. He was totally human. Black hair, pale skin, shirt and no hazmat. One problem. Red eyes. Rapidly blinking didn’t set them back to blue either, but he would have taken green at this point. “Jazz, please tell me I’m seeing things.”

His sister had been waiting for the go ahead to ‘meddle’, pushing the bathroom door open at his question, freezing for a moment when she got a good look at him. “Afraid not little brother. Did you get hit with anything weird?”

“Not lately?” he scowled at his reflection, desperately willing the red to go away.

“Well they’re distracted, so you should probably check both looks.” Jazz prompted, noticing how Danny flinched at the suggestion. “It’d be better to make sure nothing else is acting up before you actually need your powers?”

“I hate it when you’re right.” his scowl turned to her, rubbing at his shoulder instead of actually doing anything. “Maybe I can use sunglasses?”

“Danny.” Jazz’s tone of sisterly disapproval was well practiced at this point.

“Okay okay! Sheesh!” Still he hesitated before summoning the rings that switched him between ghost and human, tense as he did so. The lack of reaction from Jazz was probably a good sign? He opened his eye a crack, not wanting to see the reflection. Green eyes looked back. “Well okay then. That’s weird.”

“Your default is weird. Maybe something in the lab is messing with your shapeshifting?” Jazz said, hand on her chin as she pondered.

“Uh, I don’t have shapeshifting powers?”

“Danny you literally do it all the time. You just only do two forms. And the ghost tail thing.” Jazz rolled her eyes.

“I do? Huh,” he changed forms again, wincing as the red eyes returned. “This sucks! Mom and Dad are gonna think I’m possessed!”

“We’ll figure something out, Sam and Tucker probably have backup sunglasses you can borrow if anything happens to these ones. Say you had an eye appointment.”

“Lame excuses are my specialty.” He gave a weak grin, slipping the offered sunglasses on. “All I need is blue skin and then I’m Plasmius’ creepy miniature reflection-” he froze. That was a joke but actually…

“It does seem like a Vlad thing to do, messing with how you look.”

“Creep just wants to harp on the ways we’re the same like that’s gonna make me not hate him.” Danny growled, cracking his knuckles.  “You wanna take the Peeler and see how it works on lonely fruitloops?”

“After school Danny. You can’t be late again.”

“I bet Sam and Tuck would skip with me-”

“Danny, it’s just a visual problem. You can wait to fix it.”

The half ghost sighed, but dropped his hands in defeat. “Well if I get caught with red eyes I am totally blaming you.”

“Deal.”

(Also to all of those leaving lovely comments/screaming in the tags I love you all and would respond to them but Tumblr is not exactly great for that. I wasn’t planning on putting these on A03 till I was done >>)

[justlookatthosesausages]

‘Emergence’ - an interactive fanfic

=======

CHAPTER 8

=======

"Are you sure that I won't damage it with the spikes of my boots?" Worried Anna.

Elsa looked down to Anna's feet and saw how careful she was when she stepped. She chuckled. "It's gonna be alright. It’s a good thing Kristoff gave you those mountain boots. I'll fill the holes if you make some, don’t worry."

"I don't want to ruin the deco", smiled Anna, looking around.

She was constantly exhaling smoke, which highlighted the fact that she had been jaw-dropping since they entered Ahtohallan an hour ago. The redhead's wondering eyes were sparkling with amazement, looking up, down, around, admiring every little detail of the glacier, and every detail that Elsa had added in the walls, every light the magic ice had, every layer that made Ahtohallan.

"This place is really huge."

"You've only seen a third of it so far." Smiled Elsa.

"Really? Waow."

"This place is ancestral. Several millennia old. I think I could spend each minute of my life trying to see all of it in every detail and still miss some."

"It's so beautiful."

"I think so too." Smiled the blonde.

They had arrived to a pit, which Elsa usually crossed by jumping on pillars for fun, so she crafted a stair case for her sister and her to go down.

"So it goes lower and lower..." Noted Anna.

Elsa saluted her cleverness. She liked how Anna always was more brilliant than it looked. "Yes. The more we go in the past, the deeper it gets."

“I see. It’s both a metaphor and literal.”

Her voice echoed in the tunnel they were walking in hand in hand, and Anna had fun with the sounds.

“ECHO! ECHOOO!” 

She suddenly stopped. “Wait, this place isn't going to crumble, no?"

Elsa cackled with laughter. "No. It's very solid, trust me."

"Phew." Exhaled Anna. Then she resumed to her cute game of echo.

And her giggling voice instantly vanished the minute they arrived in a room with giant pillars, and a triangular entrance at the end. There were four lozenges with the elements symbols on them, and Anna forgot to breathe for a second because of how gorgeous it was. Elsa chuckled when the word 'gorgeous.' escaped her younger's lips.

"You like it?"

"Those pillars... That must have taken you forever to put them in place..."

Elsa smiled. "Only a few seconds, actually. I just moved them around."

Anna stared at her like the goddess she was to her eyes. "Is there anything that you can't do?"

The Fifth Spirit smiled at the compliment, and gently nudged her forward.

"Make you go faster, for instance. Hurry up, I want you to arrive to the memories room before your face gets completely numb by the cold."

Anna nodded. The temperature in this room already felt like a strong winter in Arendelle, and she could only imagine worse for what was coming.

She passed the triangular hole, almost breaking her neck as she looked at how big it was when she stepped in, and she gasped when she saw what was on the other side. 

=======

“It’s a dome”, informed Elsa, helping Anna out with her words, for she had completely lost any notion of vocabulary since she entered the bright white room of memories. 

Anna looked down with a flabbergasted expression. “How high is it?”

Elsa shook her head with wide eyes. “I have no idea.” 

She lifted her arms, taking in the whole place around them, her voice echoing. “You said the other day that I have the soul and skills of an architect... Well, if I started estimating the size of this room, I’d loose my mind.” 

“Is it infinite?” 

“No, not quite. It’s magical, with its own physical properties. It has rules that I still have to comprehend.”

“It’s really funny to see your nerdy personality mix passion towards science and magic”, Anna laughed, her breath appearing in little clouds of smoke. 

Elsa smiled, but Anna’s steam made her smile vanish again.

“Are you okay? How is the temperature?” Worried Elsa. 

“I’m fine. I swear. It’s like I’m stepping into a very cold winter day.” 

The Fifth Spirit stared at her, clueless. 

“That means I can handle it.” Clarified Anna, chuckling. 

“Okay.”

Anna got back to admiring the statues of memories, and she stopped in their walk to look at some moving ones from people she knew. 

Elsa smiled at her reactions and kept going. There was some humidity in the air in one spot, and she recognized it as being recent memories. She turned it into ice statues with graceful moves of the wrists. In a swirl of snowflakes, three new living memories added themselves to the collection, slowly moving around. 

The first one represented Kristoff, Anna and herself laughing loudly around the campfire as they were drinking hot chocolate. The third one was the rolling hug Elsa and Anna had made on the hill when they reunited. And Elsa blushed when she saw the second one. 

Standing in front of her, the two statues showing herself and Honeymaren kissing deeply put her in a deep state of embarrassment. She had seen Anna and Kristoff kiss each other a thousand times, and now that she was in question, she felt that she should look elsewhere. Her cheeks felt like burning, and she couldn’t help herself but watching how Honeymaren’s arms hugged her, and how her hands passed through her hair. They actually were kissing vigorously, and Elsa turned at her sister in panic to make sure that she hadn’t seen anything.

Hopefully, Anna was looking elsewhere, standing dozens of meters away and giggling at a memory of a young Kristoff getting licked in the face by a baby Sven.

Elsa sighed of relief, and lifted her hand to reluctantly shatter the statue with her magic. Then something prevented her from doing it. Deep inside her, a feeling begged her to let it there. Elsa stared at the statues, slowly turning around them, and a soft smile stretched her lips. She knew what that feeling was. Pride.

She was lucky, she knew, to have all her family accepting her and supporting her for who she was. A woman who loved women. And she knew that she would forever be grateful. But right then, she realized that she started to be grateful for herself. To have found her way, to have found the right person, to have allowed herself to be this happy.

A delight shiver passed through Elsa, as she stared at the statue and the way the two figures embraced. Even if the ice was never really detailed in the frozen memories, the blonde smiled when she saw how beautiful Honeymaren looked as she kissed her. They both had closed their eyes when they kissed mutually, so she didn’t know how tender and sweet she actually looked.

At the thought of the word ‘sweet’, Elsa remembered the joke that Honeymaren had made about her nickname, and chuckled. She still couldn’t believe how perfect the Northuldra was to her. She was kind, funny, yet they shared the same burning level of sarcasm, and she was caring, and…

“What are you laughing about?” Asked Anna, who had heard Elsa’s chuckle echo in a crystalline way in the chamber.

“I, uh… I found a memory of us around the camp fire, from the other day.”

The Spirit just had to turn her head left to pretend that she was staring at another memory. She clenched her fist in a dear hope that Anna wouldn’t come to her to see what she was talking about, and was glad to see that her younger preferred to continue her exploration of the spot she was walking through.

Time passed - which was such an odd thing in a room filled with memories from all ages slowly moving around - and Elsa was happy to see some good memories again. She appreciated to come in Ahtohallan every so often and bump again into warm memories of her past.

She walked past another memory of Hans, and grunted before vanishing the statue away. Didn’t she have destroy them all? Apparently not. She turned to Anna, who was looking all around her.

“This place truly is magical”, gasped Anna, admiring.

“Well, yes.” Snorted Elsa.

“Don’t laugh, you know what I meant.”

“I think it’s awesome too.”

The redhead smirked, and she kept walking. “Hey, look! It’s us!” She suddenly exclaimed.

Elsa joined her, and noticed a memory of them from two years ago in a sled race. They laughed together at how focused they were to be the one who wins. 

Anna commented another memory, and another, and Elsa’s heart melted at how much joy Anna was exhaling, and she shared her happiness to be there. 

After a while, Anna came back next to her elder. 

“There’s not like, everyone in the world in here.” She noted, admirably pointing that out already on her first visit. “Are those selected memories?”

Elsa nodded. “They’re only memories that are relevant to me. Not all of them are directly linked to my own past. It also features some elements from others’ pasts, that can help me.”

Anna smiled and nodded too. “Speaking of… “Helping” you…” Said Anna, doing exaggerated gestures of the fingers. “Now is the time we probably should ask… Them… or it… Why you got those flashes.“

“Yes.”

Anna cleared her throat. “Uh... O, Ahtohallan...” She said, her voice strong. 

She then swiftly turned to her sister. “Is that the way to do it?” She whispered. 

Elsa had to bite her lip not to laugh. “That’s a bit pompous... And there’s no need to speak up.”

Anna grumbled. “We should have done a rehearsal or something.” 

She cleared her throat again. “Could you, uhm... Could you please tell us why you sent those visions to Elsa?”

Anna’s voice echoed in the memories chamber. Only some distant sounds of memories filled the silence that followed. 

The redhead looked around, and shrugged to Elsa. 

Then suddenly, something in the air changed, and both sisters felt it. The room seemed to transform.

=======

The chamber of memories changed its appearance, and Anna jumped of surprise as the ice statues seemed to disappear as the light dimmed. Elsa knew what it meant. Ahtohallan was about to plunge the room in the dark, to cast memories on the walls, like the very first time she had came in. The blonde smirked. Was her sense of staging and drama something she got from the magical source? 

Anna looked around with a bit of panic. Elsa knew that she was claustrophobic, so she turned to her with a smile. “It’s gonna be okay. Just stay still and look.” 

The younger nodded silently, and suddenly she saw something behind Elsa that brightened the whole place, and lit up her eyes in every meaning of the term. Elsa twirled around. 

A memory of Iduna had appeared, and their mother was around the same age than the last time Anna had seen her alive. Elsa smiled tenderly, happy to face her again, but was used to see her wide and clear on the surface of the giant wall. Anna, however, let out a gasp and put her hands on her mouth, deeply emotional. 

Elsa came next to her and put a hand on her shoulder. 

“I understand your worry.” Said Iduna’s voice, maternal and strong. 

Her voice vibrated in the room, until their very souls, and echoed in Anna’s ears like a melody she thought was long gone. She gulped, and her eyes looked at every inch of her mother’s face, amazed to see her again.  

The memory suddenly blurred and changed, now turning into one of Gerda.

“Though you have nothing to be scared about”, said the maid in a reassuring voice and a warm smile. 

She was bending forward, like she was talking to a small person, and it was clear that the memory was from Anna’s childhood. It was from when she had scratched her knee after playing with her bike indoors. 

The memory switched, and now Agnarr was facing them. 

“It will be alright.” 

Anna gasped when she saw her father, letting out a big puff of smoke, and her lips trembled. Elsa passed a hand against her back, soothing her. She knew how overwhelming it could get to see their parents. She was used to it now, but for Anna, it was intense and incredible. Elsa let her cry, remembering how she had sobbed the first time she experienced the memories room. 

Anna’s eyes danced as she looked at the wall, watching every detail of the memory as her father’s voice echoed all around, just like she did for her mother. 

She understood the process now. Ahtohallan being a magical entity, it didn’t have a body, and therefore spoke through the voice of different people across different memories. It was very clever, and the redhead would have admired the concept if she wasn’t completely paralyzed by the fact that her parents had just appeared in a giant projection in front of her. She felt soothed to hear their voice again, but her soul was torn apart. It was a good thing Elsa was standing for real next to her, protective and warm, otherwise she would have lost her mind.

“Not too far or you’ll be drowned…” She thought. “No wonder, given how tempting it is to just be carried along and dive into the past…”

Ahtohallan continued to give the explanation through memories, switching from one to another.

“You often doubted…” Said Olaf.

“That you would never…” Said Mattias.

“See each other again.” Said Gerda. 

Anna was taken aback, and Elsa’s jaw dropped. She turned to her younger. “What are they talking about?”

The redhead was speechless. She knew that Ahtohallan knew everything, but didn’t expected the truth to hit this close to home. 

“Your biggest fear...” Continued the magic source, now using a memory of Kristoff. “...is to lose her.”

Elsa’s eyes widened, and she stared at the memory of Kristoff. This was a recent memory, she could tell. A very recent one, maybe even less than a week old. And she was shocked by both the memory in itself and what Ahtohallan wanted to highlight. 

All color had left Anna’s face, and it wasn’t due to cold. She realized, little by little, that all of Elsa’s visions had happened because Ahtohallan wanted to reassure her on the strength of their relationship. 

“You have nothing to fear.” Assured a memory of Iduna.

“You’ll always have each other.” Stated now Agnarr, smiling.

Elsa nodded, and smiled tenderly when she remembered the night their father had told them that. It was just after the bed time story where he had introduced them to the forest. They were so little… And it was still true. They would always have each other. 

Anna sniffed, nodding to her father, or rather Ahtohallan. Elsa held her close and put her head on hers, and Anna naturally cuddled against her. Her eyes didn’t leave her father’s face. 

The memory switched again, and this time is was Mattias again, but younger than the current version they knew of him. He was gazing over the forest. 

“The two ends will always be united...” He smiled. 

Both sisters dropped their jaws at what Ahtohallan meant, and smiled. They tied their hands together. 

The colors of the room changed when the outside setting turned into an indoors one, mainly red due to Arendelle’s castle wallpaper.

“You have the right to have doubts” Said a memory of Kai. “It’s not because you’re Queen that you must be sure about everything all the time.”

Anna was shocked by the truth of those words, especially since it was the second time she heard them, the memory obviously belonging to her. Elsa smiled tenderly at how wise Kai was, and how nice it was of him to have told her that, probably in a moment during the past year where Anna lost some faith in herself.

Elsa’s hand tightened her sister’s harder, and she gave her a nod.

“They’re right. It’s okay if you doubted about us.”

The switch from one memory to the other stopped, and all moving images around them seemed to stand still in the dome. Elsa lifted her head. 

“So, each vision happened because you wanted to remind us that we’ll always find each other? Always unite and find each other?” She asked.

“Yes”, echoed Ahtohallan, using Iduna’s voice - though it could have used anyone’s with such a simple answer.

Elsa smiled, touched. She bowed her head respectfully. “Thank you. For showing us. I mean, you only could show me, but I’m happy you did, as I shared it to Anna.”

Speaking of, the redhead was lightly trembling next to her. When Ahtohallan’s voices vanished slowly now that they had finished talking, and that the room returned to its initial state, the elder turned to her sister.

“So it was all because of you…” Muttered Elsa.

Anna felt devastated, her eyes filling with tears.

“I’m so sorry, Elsa, I didn’t know…”

The blonde lifted her eyebrows. “Oh, I’m not reproaching anything. I’m just concluding.”

Anna’s closed lips trembled at her elder’s kindness. She sobbed a bit before blabbering.

“But… This is all my fault. I didn’t mean… It didn’t want to make you have all those flashes and visions and to prevent you from sleeping, I…”

She started to hyperventilate - which was rather painful in such a cold place - and Elsa rushed to put her hands on her shoulders.

“Hey hey hey, Anna, it’s okay. You didn’t do it on purpose. And I’m not resentful. Remember that I trust Ahtohallan no matter what, and even if it was their entire act, I wouldn’t have felt upset.”

“But… But…” Muttered Anna, crying even more.

“But nothing.” Smiled Elsa, holding her face and rubbing her younger’s tears with her thumbs. “It’s fine.”

Anna powerfully embraced her sister, her face buried against her shoulder. The blonde wasn’t surprised by the brisk hug, but missed a heartbeat anyway. Anna cried and cried, all the fear and stress of the past week getting out. Elsa cried a few tears as well, touched by her feelings.

It was a tight hug despite Anna’s multiple layers of winter clothes, and Elsa could still feel her trembling. She knew she wasn’t shivering from the cold. Anna was crying, ashamed and emotional at the same time.

The room beamed in its beautiful white light again, and the memories statues continued to move around, their soft sounds echoing under the dome. But the most important sound to Elsa’s ears then, was the one of her little sister sniffing against her.

She held Anna against her, warmly and calmly, soothing her by passing her hand along her back.

“Anna… Now I get it. You were scared, and Ahtohallan perceived it. But it’s okay. And I’m okay with it. You surely didn’t want to talk about it because you were afraid of what I may say. Well, just know that I understand.”

The younger didn’t stop trembling as she was holding to her elder. Elsa closed her eyes and murmured to her ears in a lulling voice.

“I’ll always be there. With you. We’ll always be together despite the distance, okay? Look at how this past year went. It’s been good, no?”

Anna nodded against her shoulder with a sniff, and clenched her elder harder. Elsa didn’t think it was even possible, and got her lungs a bit crushed by it, but accepted the strong embrace. Anna was overwhelmed by everything that happened, from the apparition of her parents to the emotions that had burst in her chest. She needed a warm hug, and Elsa was gladly giving it.

Time passed, and the Fifth Spirit was unable to tell how much. Actually, she didn’t care. She preferred to make sure that Anna was letting go of all her sadness, and all her fears. After a while, the redhead parted from the hug and sniffed one last time, rubbing her nose. She then blinked with a frown and cleaned all her face with energetic moves, determined to be strong.

“I’m okay. I’m done crying.” She stated, clearing her throat.

Elsa melted in a smile, because she knew that Anna also stated this for herself. 

“Was it good? Do you feel better?” Asked the elder.

Anna nodded strongly.

“Great.” Smiled Elsa.

The redhead looked around, and Elsa wondered if she wanted to leave, or change her mind by walking through the memories again. She knew that the face Anna was making meant that she was thinking about a question, so she let her talk at her own rhythm.

“Can I ask you something?”

Elsa smiled. “Anything.”

Anna nervously looked down before staring at her elder. “Can we come back here more often? Together?”

“Of course, Anna.”

She put a hand on her arm. Anna remained silent, and Elsa bent her head, trying to understand her mood.

“What do you want to do now?”

Anna bit her lip. “Can we... Can we go back to the camp?”

Elsa smiled with a nod. “Yes. I agree, it’s a lot to take in. We can come back another day.”

“Thank you. For this, and the memories, and everything.”

“You’re very welcome.” 

They walked out of the room in silence.

Elsa looked up at the white magical ceiling as they left hand in hand, and smiled, like she gave a ‘sorry for that’ and a 'thank you’ message to Ahtohallan at the same time. Before exiting the room, Anna also turned in gratitude. 

=======

Anna gasped when they stepped down the entrance stairs.

“Waoh, this is so weird now that we get out... The wind here is fresh, but it’s still warmer than inside the glacier.”

Elsa closed her eyes and hummed the salty smell of the sea. That was something she liked to do after visiting the memories room.

Anna unbuttoned a part of her coat, and took off her beanie. 

“Well, that was an experience. That’s not something I’ll forget, that’s for sure.”

The elder smiled. “I suppose nobody forgets their first time in Ahtohallan.”

“What now? Do you call Nokk?” Wondered Anna.

Elsa just had to lift her hand towards the Dark Sea, and like if their minds were connected, the water horse appeared out of the waves. It trotted cheerfully on the surface, and Elsa smiled before gently touching their forehead with hers. Their whole body froze with a beautiful sparkle, their mane turning to crystals. 

When Elsa stepped back, the Spirit looked at her with expressive eyes, and the blonde chuckled. 

“I’m okay. We’re okay. Those were just happy tears.”

Anna frowned, surprised. 

“They know we’ve been crying?”

Elsa petted their nose. “Well, tears are water, no?” 

There was a silence, and Anna just stared at them two. This didn’t explain anything, and even brought more confusion. What, does the horse also know when people are thirsty? 

Elsa was about to mount the Spirit, and Anna jumped forward. 

“Hey, uh...” 

The redhead bit her lip with a smile, looking at Nokk. Both Elsa and the water horse looked back at her, confused. 

“What?” Asked Elsa. 

“Can I...”

“You want to ride them? Be in front?” 

Anna nodded with a grin. She looked like a 5 years old child, and of course Elsa couldn’t say no. 

“Nokk, what do you think?”

The Water Spirit stared at Anna for a moment, evaluating her. They trotted around her and the Queen held her breath, feeling like she was observed in every way. Her mouth in a thin line, her eyes followed the horse as it inspected her mood, her body, her intentions. After a few seconds, it neighed - which, in the Spirit style, sounded like a whale song - and jumped around. 

Anna let out a gasp of relief, and smiled. “I was afraid it would say no.”

Elsa was standing still, her jaw dropped. “They always say no to Honeymaren”, she muttered. 

The Queen didn’t hear any jealousy in her tone, but she was surprised anyway. “Wait, what? Really?” 

She carefully reached for their neck to caress it. It was an odd sensation, like passing a hand against a breathing window. “I get a preferential treatment?” 

Anna giggled as she continued to pet him, and they looked like they appreciated her touch. “Good boy...”

“Not a boy”, warned Elsa. 

“Oh, yeah. Well, good horsie!” Smiled Anna. 

“Uhm... Technically, they’re not a horse either, but I won’t get into details.” 

Anna wasn’t listening to her, too busy petting the horse with a kissy pout. “Yeah, you like it, uh?” 

“Anna...”

“Hm?”

“Please stop, this is embarrassing.”

“Oh, come on. You want me to believe that you’re respectful to every Spirit and treat them as equals?” 

“Well, yes!” Frowned Elsa, not very fond of the way Anna was muttering ‘good horsie, good horsie’ in loops. 

Her younger gave her a side look filled with sarcasm. “Have you ever seen yourself petting Bruni?”

Elsa blushed. That was a strong counterpoint. 

“It’s... With Bruni, it’s different! He’s... He’s cute, and...”

Nokk turned to her vividly with offence in their eyes. 

“No, wait, it’s not what I meant!” Gasped Elsa. 

“Ooooh, look at that. You made them jealous.” Smirked Anna. 

The Water Spirit was famously susceptible, and moved their mane in a dramatic way. Elsa knew the situation was doomed. The horse snorted, vexed. 

“No, of course not!” Assured Elsa, and Anna wondered what he had just said, or rather which emotion they just shared. “I’m sorry, Nokk, that’s not what I wanted to say. You know I don’t.”

Indeed, the Spirit felt in her that she genuinely cared, so they forgave her. However, it didn’t take away any of the drama, and Nokk kept snorting and turned to Anna. Elsa dropped her jaw.

“Oh, come on now. You can’t be serious.” 

“What did they say? What did they say?” Asked Anna, excited like a gossip fan looking for controversy. 

Elsa put her hands on her hips. 

“That if I’m not happy, I can still go back to the shore on foot.”

Anna burst with laughter, her head wiping back. The Nokk joined in the laugh with a happy neigh. 

“Okay, haha, very funny.” Squinted Elsa. 

“They’re right, you know. You can just run. The sea is calm today.” 

“Look, I’m sorry, okay?” 

Nokk neighed and bumped her shoulder in affection. Elsa smiled tenderly. 

“Yes, let’s go. Anna, do you need help to mount?” 

“I’m good, I’m good”, groaned Anna, her voice distorted by effort as she tried to get on Nokk’s back without slipping. 

Once she was in place, and that Nokk and Elsa both made sure she was comfortable, the Fifth Spirit jumped behind her in one swift move. 

The water horse didn’t need any order or indications, knowing the way back to the camp by heart. It started to position in front of the sea, and waited for Anna’s signal. 

“Are you ready?” Checked the Queen, putting a hand on Elsa’s, who had them around her waist. 

She heard her chuckle in her ear. “Go slowly at first if you don’t want to slip out, you excited dork.”

“No chance. I like fast.” 

She firmly indicated to Nokk to dash forward, and the two sisters crossed the waters with shared laughs. 

=======

This was an emotional chapter! But filled with happiness as well. I really wanted to have this balance of nostalgia and humor, keeping it all in-character on how would Anna react within the walls of Ahtohallan. 

Thank you so much for your feedbacks and compliments and reactions so far, folks, they truly mean a lot! <3

(If you like my style, you can check out Untangling the Frozen Knots, my 140K words fanfic novel! :D)

[secretsantasides]

Gift #5: Sun and Moon

Gift for: @okay-finne

Prompt: Deceit/Logan, Unsympathetic Virgil/Patton. Gods AU, tw blood, body mutilation.

"Sun"

---------

He can hear their cries.

It distracts him from his own pain, the pain of having something so important ripped out of him.

It also makes his torture a million times worse.

Listening to the cries of his children in the room next door, not knowing if they're actually being hurt or if they're just scared.

He prays that they're just scared. Losing this integral part of him is one thing. Losing the children he already has is another.

"Stop- stop- don't hurt them, please don't hurt them! They're chil- they're children!" He yells out as best he can, panicked and thrashing on the bed he's strapped too. It’s too hard to lie right now, too hard to put up the harsh and cocky mask he usually puts up for the beasts near him.

Blood soaking the gauze around his abdomen.

Blood, everywhere.

The 'doctor' the gods had sent stands, grinning to himself, on the other side of the room, dark circles under his eyes and purple hair his most visible features. He smells like lightning.

Pain, everywhere.

In his head, in his body, in his heart.

The screams cut off in the other room, and his breath catches.

They should still be screaming. They should still be scared.

His own cries cut off as his panic mounts and chokes him, grief overwhelming him even as he denies it.

Maybe the screaming wasn't his children. Maybe it had been just another cruel method the gods decided to use to punish him more.

"Please, my- my children." His voice breaks on the last word. He can't convince himself that it's true; that the terror stricken voices hadn't been his treasures.

Not with blood caked against his dark skin and in his golden hair, against the scales that he had always prided himself in keeping in perfect order.

Not when they'd already gone farther than he'd thought they would.

Why take away his womb and leave him with his children?

What point would there be to take away his ability to give life while leaving him with the life he's already made?

_____________

The first ice age is caused by his grief. He stays locked within the depths of his palace, away from the servants who are only trying to help.

He gets punished for this too, of course.

Anything that affects their mortals.

And so, the unblemished skin of his face becomes puckered on one side, burnt by a fire specially made to be so unnatural that it could wound the very Sun. The scales that had been there damage, some fall off completely and some meld into his skin grotesquely. It leaves his skin patchy and scarred, and dry, and far from the beauty he had once prided himself in.

His right eye is lost to the flames as well. This, he doesn't mourn. He can't bring himself to care. Not with the gaping hole he can feel inside of him- both in his body and in his heart.

Word gets from his Moon to him, somehow. The servants, he thinks. Usually it would be too risky to do it, but with their Lord on the verge of giving up, it may be well worth it.

______________

The letter has been the only thing that has kept him going for longer than he cares to count.

Day after day. The one letter that has been able to slip through the tighter security put around his palace since his mistakes.

Now, it's worn to the point of being so fragile that he will have to copy it over again soon. He's worn through so many copies that it's obscene. He can't help it. The words and the one who sent it mean everything to him now.

The letter reminds him that even if he's lost greatly, someone shares that loss with him. And if he were to give up, he would cause him even greater tragedy.

'My Sun, We will be brought together once again. I am sure of it. Think less of our loss, as much as it pains me to say that, and think more of what may have been. Do not lose yourself in sadness in grief. Let your anger fester and pull you together and push you forward, so that we may be united again, as we should be. Hold on. The mortals will be the death of themselves one day, when the gods refuse to come to their aid. We will be released. Do not do this to yourself. You will take away the very last piece of me that the gods have not completely stripped away. Let me be that piece for you as well. Your Moon'

He will be holding on, for forever if he has to. He has to keep hope that he will be able to see his Moon again.

Not as much hope as he had last time. Not enough to make him foolish enough that he considers doing something about it himself again.

Just enough that he can convince himself that there is a reason to keep going.

_____________

More copies of the letter come and go.

More days.

More glimpses of night. Of the Moon Palace on the horizon, just out of reach.

Finally, word gets to him of the fulfillment of what his Moon had said would take place.

The Mortals will reach their end soon.

This is the first time in a long time that the servants kept in the Sun Palace see their Lord break down.

The current copy of the letter gets crushed to his chest, and the ink smears where tears dare to touch down on the creased paper.

Soon.

Soon, it will feel like this had all been for something, that his pain and perseverance hadn't been for nothing.

He will see his Moon soon, and he will be able to heal properly this time.

_______________________

“Moon”

----------

“My lord! My lord! Have you heard the good news yet?” A servant’s cry echoes through the palace, rushing into the throne room where almost everything is plated in or made of reflective minerals and polished well enough that you can see every thread of the staff member’s clothing as they scamper by.

“The good news of what? That my father will not be joi-”

“That the other gods have given up on the mortals!” The servant cuts their lord off, but such a thing is not worried about in the palace of the Moon. He does not care for the silly social rules the other gods put in place, even if the one he so sorely misses, does.

The god is frozen now- much like he has felt inwardly all these years, separated from his warmth. The gods- especially one like… him, Patton- giving up on their mortals? Now? Finally? It can’t be true. They uprooted whole lives, turned over everything and rewrote fate herself to put these mortals here.

“The gods have given up on their mortals? On their Earth?” “Yes! Remus says he’s heard the mortals are to die out within the week! He’s said you’re going to be allowed to leave your palace!”

The Moon Palace. More like a prison, he thinks. A silvery, reflective castle on top of gangly legs that does nothing more than stalk around the earth. A palace he had thought would never be able to do more than that. But with the Humans perishing, if this is true…

“You’re sure about this, Zero?” The servant hesitates when they’re addressed by the robed figure upon his throne. “I.. It’s hard to be certain. But I have heard this from Remus and his place by the throne in-”

“- Remus is far from where orders originate. Send word to the Light Council and ask for confirmation for me.” There’s no use getting his hopes too high just yet. He can’t afford to. He remembers what happened last time someone had stretched their hopes a little too far; a little too soon. It hadn’t been him, of course, last time. But it reminds him, all the same, to be much more careful with his feelings.

“Of course, Sir.” They bow before heading back out of the throne room; their steps echoing in the nearly empty halls. The Moon Palace isn’t one you would imagine a god would be living in. The walls empty, bare. Very few furnishings interrupt the mirrored structure of the castle, making the interior like a maze to all those who don’t know their way around by heart.

The servants closer to the god say that his castle is much like him. Unyielding for those not in his heart.

The god stands from his throne and goes to stand by one of the few windows in his home. He always sees the Sunset from here. His castle ever chasing after the Sun palace; his mind and heart ever chasing after someone he had once and may not be able to ever have again.

He can keep hope, now. He allows himself a small sliver of it.

Soon, he may get to be in the embrace of the Sun once again. Feel his warm embrace. Smell the slightly dusty, warm scent that not many mortals have the ability to catch a whiff of. Even the prospect of just catching a full glimpse of his Sun excites him.

It’s been so long. Ages. Epochs. Periods. Eras. Eons. Supereons. Further. He isn’t sure there’s a word for how long it’s been.

All he knows is that he’s only left with the faint memories of warm days and cooler nights spent with his lover, of the way they touched back when they actually could.

Of how he now is doomed to spend eternity only chasing after his Sun, never to catch him, for the sake of the mortals that reside on the Earth the Elder gods had given to him and his Sun.

The Moon resents the Mortals for the job the gods have given him, and resents the gods for having taken his Earth and placed mortals on it in the first place-- then having the audacity to ask for him and his Sun to do this; to be separated until their whims decided they could be together once again. He resents them for what they did to his Sun when they had said no at first.

The Moon will wait and bide his time until he is allowed to reunite with his Sun, for his Sun’s sake.

And then there will be hell to pay.

[gentleladyaims]

The Farewell: An In-Depth Reflection

I was not emotionally prepared to watch this movie- I packed some tissues in my purse as always (as I am apt to shed tears over most movies- I just get super emotional!), but it was nowhere near enough. I was literally biting my tongue and trying not to sob out loud and looked like a wet blob in the theatre with tears streaming down my face!! My husband was like "Honey, are you okay?? Let me give you a hug!!"

As a young Chinese-American woman, I’ve never watched a movie that hit so close to home and felt so… relevant? I feel so seen and acknowledged seeing this story play out on the big screen. Fsor a Chinese-American woman like Lulu Wang to direct the movie I grew up in Beijing with my grandparents; my parents came to the U.S. right after I was born when my dad got an amazing scholarship to Duke. As a result, I’m super close with my grandparents and they basically raised me and instilled in me the morals/values I have today. I came to the U.S. for the first time when I was three (briefly), then permanently moved to the States when I was six. It was jarring, an entirely new environment, having to learn a foreign language, leaving the comforts of my home behind. Thankfully, my grandma came with us to leave for awhile, but my grandpa stayed back in Beijing. I missed him so much every single day. As I grew up, I’d visit my grandparents back in Beijing almost every single summer and spend my entire vacation with them. I cherish those moments so much.

All the little details in “The Farewell” are so genuine and realistic to how Chinese culture actually is. Of course, no movie is representative of everyone’s experience, however, many facets of it were reflective of my own life.

How Billi's mom seems to be very critical of her life decisions, especially regarding her career, and being snarky/making fun of Billi for pursuing an artistic path with writing. How Nai Nai is so affectionate with Billi (the opening scene when they're on the phone and she asks Billi how the weather is and if Billi's wearing a hat etc is soo hilarious and true!! My grandma always asks that and tells me "Bundle up, don't get a cold now!") and makes the funny comments about her round butt. Even the little nuance of her commenting on Billi's weight and how she doesn't seem to have lost much weight, in comparison with what Billi's mom said (a lot of Chinese people/family always seem to make unsolicited comments about people's figures/weight and just will straight up say "you're fat!" or "OMG you're too skinny!!" it's a hard dichotomy to walk and it seems no one is happy either way). When Billi gets to the hotel and the hotel clerk is asking her which is better, China or America? *Literally* I get asked that question every. single. time. and my response is the same as Billi's- "It's different!" It's like comparing bananas and chicken. Both have their pros and cons, but it seems like they're always expecting you to say one or the other. Some of my relatives definitely idealise the West/America and seem to think everyone in the U.S. is: rich, blond, gorgeous like a movie star, and happy.

The family style meals and the food!! Sooo realistic. Also how Mr. Li pours the boiling water for Nai Nai's hot water soak for her feet. I want to make a note that even the fashion/style is pretty accurate too- my grandpa totally wore the same tank top and high-waisted pants and slippers like Mr. Li, haha. Watching this movie gave me such a feeling of familiarity and belonging, like "wow, someone actually knows how it feels to be in a Chinese family and can identify with these things!!" I cried so hard when Billi had her big breakthrough moment with her mom, confessing that she never felt like she was good enough/that it was hard for her to adjust to life in America. That she felt home with her grandparents. The way her dad asks her questions like "how's your job? do you have enough money?" and little things about her daily life and Billi just brushes him off and says everything's fine. I feel that hardcore because especially when I was younger, I'd just say everything's fine to my parents as to not worry them. Why mention it if they're just going to be fearful/scared/worried/anxious? I'm learning to be more honest and open now- working on developing better communication skills is a major theme in my family (between my mom and dad too).

The comparisons between the East and the West also felt true to life. How Billi's uncle mentions the West values individualism whereas the East values community/the family unit more. I often feel struggles within myself about wanting to be a good daughter and be obedient to my parents versus my own desires and pursuing things I would like, even though it may not be things my parents want for me. I've learned that being a good daughter doesn't always equate to doing what my parents want. I've had to learn to fight for and seek out my independence and find my own self-identity, not just what my family thinks I should be/should do. I feel like in Chinese culture, the elders' opinions are always respected and thought of highly- my mom says "I've crossed these paths of life before, I have more experience/knowledge than you, I know best- just trust me." And it's like... "Yes Mom, sure that may be true, but also I need to make my own decision? And just because you've had a certain experience, doesn't mean it's true for my current life situation?" I'm also careful to tell my parents that I always respect their input, but that just because I don't follow their advice, doesn't mean I don't love them or value their opinion!!! It's been a tough thing for them (more so my mom) to grasp, but I'm glad I'm doing it, despite it being challenging.

The parts of the movie that hit me the most are Billi's moments with her grandma. And also how she has to process this huge emotional burden and her grief. I share a somewhat similar experience, but am SO happy that my grandparents didn't choose to hide anything from me. I don't know if I could've forgiven them if they did... who knows? I found out during my junior year of college that my grandpa had late-stage lymphoma. It had already progressed into his bone marrow and he was in a lot of pain- it also affect some of his mental function and cognition, unfortunately. My parents and I booked tickets right away to see him in Beijing. It was so hard to try and be positive in front of my grandma and not just cry all the time. We were reunited under the worst of circumstances- but at least we could be open about our struggles and endure it together. I couldn't imagine if it was a huge secret and I had to bear it like Billi did. The ending where Billi has to say goodbye to her grandma hit me so hard- like that is literally me every time I have to bid farewell to my Lao Lao. I try to hold in the tears until I get to the taxi and then I just break down. Even though my grandma doesn't have a terminal illness, it's just... the trip between the U.S. and China is a long and arduous one and it's hard being so far away from family, separated by miles and miles and oceans.

My heart ached for my grandpa after watching the movie. When Nai Nai was standing at her husband's grave and lamenting how he passed too soon... that's exactly what my grandma says. She's sad that my grandpa didn't get to see me graduate college, get married, get a job, etc. I will always miss my grandpa, but it's comforting to know that I got to spend my time with him at the end and that we were together, as a family.

Did anyone else feel a particular pull to this movie?? I'd love to hear thoughts, comments, etc!!

[drabblings]

The Moon

“My lord! My lord! Have you heard the good news yet?” A servant’s cry echoes through the palace, rushing into the throne room where almost everything is plated in or made of reflective minerals and polished well enough that you can see every thread of the staff member’s clothing as they woosh by.

“The good news of what? That my father will not be joi-”

“That the other gods have given up on the mortals!” The servant cuts their lord off, but such a thing is not worried about in the palace of the Moon. He does not care for the silly social rules the other gods put in place, even if the one he so sorely misses, does.

The god is frozen now- much like he has felt inwardly all these years, separated from his warmth. The gods- giving up on their mortals? Now? Finally? It can’t be true. They uprooted whole lives, turned over everything and rewrote fate herself to put these mortals here.

“The gods have given up on their mortals? On their Earth?”

“Yes! Benji says he’s heard the mortals are to die out within the week! He’s said you’re going to be allowed to leave your palace!”

The Moon Palace. More like a prison, he thinks. A silvery, reflective castle on top of gangly legs that does nothing more than stalk around the earth. A palace he had thought would never be able to do more than that. But with the Humans perishing, if this is true…

“You’re sure about this, Siccarel?” The servant hesitates when they’re addressed by the robed figure upon his throne.

“I.. It’s hard to be certain. But I have heard this from benji and his place by the throne in Cadria.”

“Cadria is far from where orders originate. Send word to the Council and ask for confirmation for me.” There’s no use getting his hopes too high just yet. He can’t afford to. He remembers what happened last time someone had stretched their hopes a little too far; a little too soon. It hadn’t been him, of course, last time. But it reminds him, all the same, to be much more careful with his feelings.

“Of course, Sir.” They bow before heading back out of the throne room; their steps echoing in the nearly empty halls.

The Moon Palace isn’t one you would imagine a god would be living in. The walls empty, bare. Very few furnishings interrupt the mirrored structure of the castle, making the interior like a maze to all those who don’t know their way around by heart.

The servants closer to the god say that his castle is much like him. Unyielding for those not in his heart.

The god stands from his throne and goes to stand by one of the few windows in his home. He always sees the Sunset from here. His castle ever chasing after the Sun palace; his mind and heart ever chasing after someone he had once and may not be able to ever have again.

He can keep hope, now. He allows himself a small sliver of it.

Soon, he may get to be in the embrace of the Sun once again. Feel his warm embrace. Smell the slightly dusty, warm scent that not many mortals have the ability to catch a whiff of. Even the prospect of just catching a full glimpse of his Sun excites him.

It’s been so long. Millenia. Eons. Longer. He isn’t sure what terms the mortals use for it nowadays.

All he knows is that he’s only left with the faint memories of warm days and cooler nights spent with his lover, of the way they touched back when they actually could.

Of how he now is doomed to spend eternity only chasing after his Sun, never to catch him, for the sake of the mortals that reside on the Earth the Elder gods had given to him and his Sun.

The Moon resents the Mortals for the job the gods have given him, and resents the gods for having taken his Earth and placed mortals on it in the first place-- then having the audacity to ask for him and his Sun to do this; to be separated until their whims decided they could be together once again.

 He resents them for what they did to his Sun when they had said no at first.

The Moon will wait and bide his time until he is allowed to reunite with his Sun, for his Sun’s sake.

And then there will be hell to pay.

[talesofmetalandmagic]

For the BadThingsHappenBingo: “Kidnapping”, with Lorian, Elder Prince, and Dark Sun Gwyndolin

Proposed by: @reaper-apologist-andromeda Set in: requester’s verse. Characters: Lorian, Older Prince; Dark Sun Gwyndolin Ship: Lorilin TW: Mention of parental abuse Notes: Gwyndolin uses he/him pronouns

Synopsis: once lived a Saint named Aldrich, famed for his thirst for human flesh. He’s now long gone, burnt at the First Flame, but his followers live on, and to this day they still hunt innocent victims to offer to their lord the moment he eventually returns. No one is safe from them: not even the Elder Prince of the kingdom of Lothric.

It’s the first arrow that alerts him of the incoming danger. Lorian pulls the bridle to his chest and raises his open palm to impose silence. Once it’s done, he lowers the hand to his side, to the spot where his sword awaits to be drawn. -You know what to do.- he says. He doesn’t sound like a general, he realizes with a sudden gulp. His tone was too shaky, his eyes too low, and even his hand wasn’t straight enough. He can see the disappointed glare in Father’s eyes in every wrinkle of every tree. Piercing through him as if another arrow had been shot right into his skin. When the second arrow does strike, Lorian’s horse whines in pain despite not being the one hit. The man at his left sinks on the floor like a mannequin, a groan escaping his lips. -Reveal yourself!- Lorian calls. He raises his sword in the air, like the great warrior kings that populate the frescoes in the main halls. He has always felt so tiny, whenever he passed them by. He can only imagine what Lothric would feel in his stead. -Your highness!-. Lorian turns around, his ponytail whipping his face. -Look o— A third arrow strikes, and it hits him right in the chest. Next thing he sees is the pale grey sky, and the branches of the trees like cracks on the cement.

His knees are in his belly, feeling tight and as heavy as a boulder. His ponytail has come undone, and strands of stray hair fill his mouth and get stuck to his teeth. His hands are untied – strange enough, but not the proper moment to ponder. Lorian combs his hair with his fingers, panting through the cold. He’s thirsty, too thirsty to even form words. His mouth is dry, as if a layer of sand had remained stuck to his palate and tongue. Even opening his mouth, everything being so godsdamn dry, feels like pain on his dry lips. His cage is as tight as a column, and so rusted the mere touch leaves a thick stain of red on Lorian’s finger. And so are all the others, dozens upon dozens, filling every corner of the cave. A black-haired woman, clad in a ragged dress, lays curled up at his left, dozed off in a deep sleep that the prince can’t help but envy. A young ginger man is lost in sobbing at his right. -Hey.- the prince whispers. -Hush. Don’t cry. We’ll be fine.- But the young one doesn’t seem to acknowledge he even exists, and his sobbing echoes through the cavern – tens, dozens, hundreds of people are crying at the same time, and their voices seem to blend into a senseless cacophony of despair. The knife he’d carry at his belt is no longer: neither is his belt at all, for that matter, and the strings of his boots, his medallion with the symbol of the Way of Blue engraved into it, his hairband, have all been taken away. His medallion is precious, but not the rest: they didn’t do it for the money. They want me alive, he presumes. And a more welcoming thought picks up at the bottom of his mind. They haven’t recognized me. Somehow it feels comforting. And at the though of Father foolishly revealing himself, screaming “I’m the king” in his captors’ faces, he can’t resist but snicker. He will be fine. He won’t make that mistake. What will he do, however, is simply beyond him. Staying calm is the first logical step – think of Lothric, think of home, think of the people around him that need a stable and firm prince to hold onto. His chest itches where the arrow had struck him, but no blood seeps out. They must have really skilled clerics.

For a while, Lorian’s thoughts drift away into an Abyss of no light. He doesn’t recognize any of the faces of his guards among the prisoners that share his limited space. The ginger man at his side, however, has ceased his crying and allowed him to hold his hand. -Thank you, Your Majesty.- he says. -Maybe they will be looking for you. It’s said that His Majesty is highly protective of his offspring.- Offspring: the proper word to refer to both him and his little brother. He must be missing him indeed, from the now lonely bedchambers he’s been confined to all his life. Lorian gives a distracted nod, hoping a white lie wouldn’t tarnish his perfect, princely soul. Or bring some sort of comfort to the terrified youth. -The Aldrich Faithfuls are strong and fearsome, but highly disorganized.- Lorian whispers. -If there was a leader, I’d start with them.- Their leader is a long-dead Saint – if such a name even befits the monstrous creature – that found the utmost pleasure in eating human flesh. His followers share a shred of the same tradition, and limit their consumption to “human dregs”. Whatever those things even are: maybe they’re even closer cannibals than Aldrich, and the joke makes the young man chuckle.   -Listen.- Lorian suddenly says, and his cage rings as one of the Followers runs by its side and slams his shoulder against it. They converge towards the door, armed with longswords and axes and big hammers, golden Cleric Bells dangling on their belts. -They busted us!- a voice screams, but the blood-curdling scream that follows can only mean death. And a blinding white light – like the moon, Lorian thinks, and not even he knows how and why he came to that idea – fills the room, coming from the now open gates of the cavern. Their swords glisten as if they were made of silver. Their armors are garbed in white, looking as soft as clouds. And in the very middle of them there’s a child, no, a Godling, raising a small bow into the air, and a rain of arrows shines against the roof of the cave like a sky full of stars. -You’re free.- a stern female voice calls. An armored figure, clad in copper from their head to their toes, opens the door to his cage. -All of you. Run outside, do not look back. You’ll be reunited to your own soon enough.- Lorian takes a deep breath. -I’m Prince Lorian of Lothric.- he calls, but they do not seem to have heard. He suddenly feels tense, as if he expected a very familiar wooden blow to his palms. But I’m not there, and he’s not with me. The young figure, clad in a white tunic with silver accents, pulls at their bow again. A golden crown, in the shape of a blooming sun, covers their face up to the eyes. A golden crown he knows. -The Darkmoon!-. It’s the voice of the ginger man, wet in tears of joy. -He has come for us! Praise the Darkmoon and his Blades!- -Lady Sirris.- Gwyndolin’s smooth voice is like a song. -Lady Itoro. Left and right, surround them.- The woman in copper raises her arm to indicate she has understood. Another woman, clad in the traditional fashion of the Sunless Realms, draws an Estoc of her own towards a A black-haired woman lays on the ground, passed out and bleeding, a Greatsword still in the motionless hand. Lorian leaps to it and grabs it, welding it as if it was his own. Luckily, that one is still in the castle where it should be. Father would be rabid if he lost it, and he’d not even have another one forged. A lesson must be learned, boy, a voice repeats from the bottom of his mind. Lorian lashes at another sinner, plunging his sword right into his leg. And a second and third, always at the legs, before they even notice him. That’s panic for you, he thinks, and knocks another one down. The rain of arrows glows above him, and shines like ice or hail against a full moon.

Sweat drips down his face as he pants against the wall of the cavern, sticking to his long unkept hair. Yet again, a source of disdain – too good he’s not here and he will never know. Even so, Lorian has to remind himself of that, as a shadow looms over him and offers him a pale, open hand. He takes it without a second thought. As he has learned. -I thank you for your bravery, Prince Lorian.- The Darkmoon’s voice is high in pitch and gentle in tone, the opposite of what Lorian had been used to for a length he can hardly recall. He gives a timid shrug, shaking the rubble off his clothes. It feels as if he had been battling all his life. His muscles are sore, his heart seems to tremble within his ribcage, and his mouth is as dry as sandpaper. With what little voice he has, Lorian pants out a “thank you”; but not even he can hear it. Let alone the Divine himself.

-You were quick.- he adds. Then another, confused pause. -To intervene, I mean.- -And so were you.- Now that he’s standing, Gwyndolin looks smaller and much less imposing than before. Friendly, Lorian may add; and just as beautiful as the Moon that grants him his powers. -’Tis but the duty of the Darkmoon Blades. All of you are free, now.- The sun is setting in the farthest corner of the sky, and the clouds around it are lilac and smooth. Mother would love to paint them, if she still did. Maybe, Lorian tell himself as a means of consolation, just looking at them would be enough to make her content. The freed people are huddled in the nearby square, in groups of three to five, and the soft pitter-patter of their low chattering is a pleasant enough song to Lorian’s ears. -The Crown of Lothric will reward you greatly.- he says to the Godling by his side. Only one moment later does he realize – and he holds in place, covering his mouth as if he was ashamed. Because he is. He averts his eyes from Gwyndolin’s questioning expression, heart pounding again as if he was back into the cage. -I apologize, My Liege.-. He stares at his own feet, blinking frantically. -I didn’t mean to disrespect you. I meant no offense, I swear. Treating you like a mere mercenary…- Lorian can feel a stare at the bottom of his spine. Maybe it’s the crowd indeed, trying to figure out what the role of the bloody prince will be in that whole ordeal. Maybe it’s his father all the way from Lothric. He’s not present, nor will he be – Lorian knows, for he has lived by his side for more than twenty years – but he can still look at him from the castle, frowning and disappointed, black crevices in the depth of his pale white forehead as he sneers to his stupid, soft son. But there’s none in Gwyndolin’s smooth face – he can tell so, even with the sun-shaped crown that keeps his forehead covered. And there’s no wrinkles in his mouth either, as he offers him a pleasant expression. As sweet as ambrosia, which the Gods are said to eat. -No offense taken, Your Majesty.- Lorian almost jumps as the high-pitched, smooth voice reaches his ears again. As he expected no such thing. He had already prepared himself for that same, disappointed paternal growl. My father has such a growling voice because underneath his silk and furs, there’s but a beast, he would think whenever he was particularly angry at him. More and more frequently as the years passed, and the Flame flickered more, and Mother’s eyes were more and more forsaken. A skinny beast, with no claws and no fangs, but with a venomous tongue with a sharp aim, more similar to that of a snake than the dragons he so longingly coveted. But as he stares again at Gwyndolin’s tunic, and the slender reptilian forms that stick out from underneath, he starts to regret that analogy as well. For the snakes he sees are tender, and look at him with eyes no less sweet than a pup or a kitten. Lost in thought, he’s woken up again by the same, sweet tones. -Feel no remorse for your offer. I have no issues with your protocols and ways of doing. Nor do I expect to sindacate about the grateful will of parents whose child was taken from them.- There’s nothing to worry about in that regard. Lorian keeps the thought to himself, and whispers another, fainter “thank you”. Gwyndolin places his hand in his and gives it a gentle squeeze. -Now rest, Your Majesty. Soon all of you will be given a proper shelter, and reunited with your families.- -Have you heard the Darkmoon?- Lady Itoro repeats from a nearby post. -Everybody, keep calm. You’ll be fed and accommodated as soon as possible.- -Allow me to help you, My Liege. As the Crown Prince…- Lorian hesitates, grabbing the edge of his coat with sweaty hands. But Gwyndolin’s face, despite his covered eyes, means no harm. -Yes, Your Grace?- Lorian takes a deep breath, averting his gaze from the crowd. -…’tis my duty to help these poor people.- Gwyndolin opens a childlike hand and places it on his shoulder, pale and soft as silk right out of the cocoon. -Your presence is welcome, Prince Lorian. The blankets are over there. Soon, the soup will be ready, and we’ll need all hands possible to feed them quickly.- Lorian nods, and the eyes piercing his back seem to fade away. 

The soup is like a rainbow: thick red and yellow bell peppers, orange carrots, pale onions, bright green leaves of mint, and a pinch of violet to make it look prettier. Lorian mixes it up without a word, feeling the gentle smell in his nostrils. For an adventure, this one was short enough. And it ended well. Gwyndolin sits cross-legged on a rock, no higher than the commoners that surround him. He smiles at all of them as if he has known them all his life. Lorian pours another bowl and leans it towards the Godling’s face. -Here, My Liege.- -No need for that.- Gwyndolin gives a gentle, sweet chuckle. -You can call me Gwyndolin. But I thank you for the offer, Lorian. I could have used some more.- Lorian sits down, by his side, like two children exchanging smalltalk. He has the same pale skin Lothric and Father have – but he shares Lothric’s cold voice as well, and a gentility only worthy of a prince. -You have fed countless.-. Gwyndolin stares in front of himself, contemplative. -I can feel nothing but respect for a prince so hard-working.- Lorian can feel himself blush. He says nothing, but a part of him feels as if Gwyndolin already knows. They’re an intelligent one, and as ancestral as the world itself. What is a prince, next to a God? -Those people owe you greatly.- -And you.- Gwyndolin says. -You fought valiantly. And tonight, you too will return home.- Lorian nods, not willing to add any further words. -I will cherish the memory of this day.- he says. The Darkmoon looks at him oddly, and there’s no surprise: he has been kidnapped, he remembers, and there should be no fondness in the trauma of the countless around. Yet, he feels no remorse at being selfish for once. And Gwyndolin looks as gorgeous as he’s ever been, smiling by his side, as gentle as the moon. Could a prince aspire to a God? -Yet,- he ends up muttering, -I do not feel safe.- Gwyndolin nods, taking his hands into his own. -I understand. Breathe, Lorian. ’Tis all over.- Lorian nods again. Because it is, for once in his life.

[womanlalaboy]

Lublob #1: Liwaliw sa Liwliwa

My friend, Mina often tells me that it's easier to find a better job, a better company and a higher salary, but it's never easy to find colleagues that you can truly get along with and a boss that genuinely cares about your well-being. I'm lucky to have found colleagues that aren't just professionals but treat each other like family. It also happens that we all share our love for stories and the sea. There was a point where we had to part ways. Most of us had to leave the workplace to venture in different fields, and the rest of us who were left behind were just devastated. Nothing would have compared to every day feeling as if something's missing- that things could have been more fun if we're complete. We've accepted the inevitable change, but we needed something to really start facing whatever tomorrow would bring. I thought of having a quick escape to Liwliwa Zambales as a symbol of our resilience and courage to embrace whatever is ahead of us.

There were a few things I learned in this trip that I wouldn't have fully understood hadn't I experienced them first-hand. 

Never underestimate commuting from Imus, Cavite going to Manila. It'll take you ages. 

It wouldn't hurt to ask around. 

It's not that bad to be scared of getting scammed in the streets while you ask for directions or whatnot, so you better ask as many people as you can until you're satisfied with the answers you've got. 

Take advantage of the opportunity to use this generation's technology. You a have a phone? Mobile data? Then utilize Google Maps! 

Never underestimate EDSA. It's okay to walk from Heritage Hotel going to the bus terminal only if you're not running late. 

Never fully trust your friend who, despite her adult age, still couldn't differentiate right from left. 

I just realized that there are still adults who are having a hard time distinguishing right from left. Well, who am I to speak? I only learned how to commute on my own when I had to enter college.

We dropped off at San Felipe around four in the afternoon. We asked around to find a place where we can stay. We chose to let the situation take us to where we're supposed to be instead of planning and reserving for a place to check into. We knew that there weren't many tourists around that time so we calmly walked through the area until we found Kaptina's Liwa.

Right after checking in and fixing our stuff, we went straight to Villa Santos- just across Circle Hostel, a few steps away from Kapitan's Liwa. We were told that they ran out of stock since a lot of tourists swarmed the area the past weekend. There were only a few food options, but we're glad that they're both affordable and delicious. Sulit!

We went back to Kaptian's Liwa and prepared for surfing then walked a few minutes to get to the beach where we saw a few fellow tourists. We almost had the place to ourselves around sunset since the waves are getting bigger and harder to swim. It was pretty hard to look for an instructor and we didn't know where to get one. The caretaker from Kapitan's Liwa told us that we can get lessons with Kila-bot, so we decided to check them out, but before we got to the bamboo walls, we saw a surfer with his long board and we immediately asked if he does lessons or if he knows a place where we could get surfing instructors. While he went to the beach to surf, we're lucky he teaches surfing and was willing to help us out.

He really went that afternoon to the beach to surf. He said he just got back from Siargao where a Surfing Championship was held and he misses home so much that the first thing he wanted to do was surf the waves of Liwliwa. We gave him a few minutes to be reunited with his mother wave and after playing around a bit, he went to call out his fellow instructors. All four of us had the opportunity to ride that afternoon. We had no photos of us surfing, but we did enjoy the massive tide and the spectacular sunset. Charina and I also used hard top single fin mini mals for the first time. We were so used to using soft top long boards in Baler so imagine the anxiety we had to conquer that beautiful afternoon in Liwliwa. Not to mention the waves weren't for beginners at that time. We were the only ones who braved the waves that were eating up the shore.

It's always a nice idea to talk to the locals and hear their stories. My instructor at the time would often watch a grom practicing his shuvs and turns. He told me that there are many kids in Liwliwa who want to learn surfing, but there weren't many opportunities for them or there weren't enough board to surf with, so the elder surfers would often help them with their practice and surfing needs. I also agreed with him when he said that it's better for the kids to get into activities like surfing instead of going elsewhere. Before we get to the shore after our session, he told the grom that he'll give him a shorter board next time he visits Manila. He found someone to sponsor them, he said.

I can say that all the hassle getting to Liwliwa paid off when we got to see the sunset. The one we saw at Liwliwa perhaps was the best I've seen so far. Our surf session started around five in the afternoon- the waves are getting bigger, the sun was setting, and the tide was rising. It was dangerous, the locals said as the waves were eating up the shore, the sea bed was uneven and the waves were crashing against each other almost simultaneously, but all is well since we've got our trusted instructors and that the sunset kept us company. All of us were distracted and kept looking at the horizon. We weren't able to take photos of that magical moment since we were all out surfing and just taking everything in. When we finished the session and the sea calmed down a bit, we sat there by the beach waiting for the nightfall. Only when we decided to go back I remembered to take some snaps.

We went back to Kapitan’s and prepared to go food hunting. Asking around proved to be very beneficial to us since the locals know the place better than we do and it also helped us to connect easily with Liwliwa's people. One told us to ride a tricycle going to Cosmic Pares. Their crew was teaching a few foreign travelers how to speak in Filipino. If you're a Filipino, you already know how things like that hilariously get. Even us couldn't help but laugh with them.

They had many options, but we got ourselves some Beef Mami, Pares, Bangsilog, Sisig and beer. We finished the dinner off with a platter of Chicken Wings. They were trying things out since they just opened their stall so they offered a few samples with us like their Lambanog with lemon and when they were challenging the foreigners to eat Balut, they gave us some as well. If I remember it correctly, they were planning to add Balut sisig to their menu, but I'm not really sure how that worked out.

Cosmic Pares wasn't really that far from Kapitan's Liwa so we decided to just walk back and stop at Villa Santos's to get a few more beers. We had the whole night talking about our frustrations in life, work, and love life. We had plenty of time to cry things out, comfort each other and just breathe- which was really what we came here for.

The night was long, but like everything else, it eventually had to end. The next morning, we took our time preparing for a long day ahead. We chilled out, roamed around, experience the enchanting sound of the wind and watched the dancing of the Agoho trees. After then, we went to the beach as if bidding goodbye. We took a few photos and chilled out by the beach like we're memorizing every curve of the waves and the way the sea touches the shore. When we finally accepted the fact that we had to leave soon, we went back to Kapitan's Liwa to take a bath and fix our stuff- the heaviest and saddest part of visiting Liwliwa.

The entire trip only lasted for about two days and a night- pretty short, but I had the chance to run away from work, get away from the chaos in the city, the noise of the high ways, the foolishness of political news and the dirt in the streets. I had the opportunity to enjoy life with friends in a place that accepted us for who we are, with no judgment, no inhibitions. My soles finally were able to touch the sand again; we were able to eat good food with good company, laugh with people we don't know, got free lambanog, actually got some good rest. I was able to surf again and witness the sun's magical show. Moments like that remind me that there are so many things to be grateful for. Moments like that make me value my life more. Moments like this remind me that despite the chaos, there are still so many things to be thankful for. 

What about you- what have you been thankful for lately?

MORE...

Also read: Liwaliw sa Liwliwa: Womanlalaboy's Travel Guide to Liwliwa, Zambales Also read: Womanlalaboy's Travel Guide To Talisayen Cove, Zambales

[everythingsouthasian]

My two cents on Bin Roye the drama Pt. I

*********SPOILERS GALORE*********

This interesting review of Bin Roye the movie (it was a lot more than just the movie, some great insights on South Asian films and filmmaking, go have a read!) triggered this post, so please bear with me.

It’s been a while since I saw both the movie (a really crap print) and the drama. I started out by watching the drama and then the movie and both had their pros and cons. I haven’t had the fortune of reading the novel so I’ll have to work with the Hum TV crew’s interpretations. 

Now, for the main article, the author of the post says:

There is a juicy concept at the film’s core - the love of your life chooses to marry someone over you, but then through a twist of fate is left with no choice but to end up with you regardless. Do you rejoice, finally fulfilling your lifelong desires, or do you admit to yourself that you are second best, a charity case, a logistical necessity?

Yes, the movie does, to a large extent, purport this. But if one were to carefully watch the drama and then the movie, the said “juicy concept” will essentially change altogether. From the drama, it is unequivocally clear that it is all about Saba Shafiq, our bratty and mischievous heroine, who gets embroiled in miseries of her own making. Everything that is said, felt, and reasoned is from her point of view. She is the driving force, the pilot, the hero in this adventure. As much as people want to make it all about Irtiza (Humayun Saeed fans), it isn’t. If it were his narrative, then the end product would be more boring than as it currently stands.

The film’s core focuses on Saba and her obsession with Irtiza. “Aapki mohobbat mere liye saza ban gayi (my love for you became the curse of my life),” she claimed in the climax scene. As her cousin and best friend since childhood who, to some extent, misled her with actions and words that lie in the grey area of care and love, Irtiza is not necessarily the villain on the show, but he is one to her. In their childhood, such adulation on Saba’s part to Irtiza can be attributed to childishness; but with age, when it only seemed to heighten, layers of complexity get introduced, not only to these feelings but also to the sanity of the person it affects.

Saba’s life revolves around Irtiza’s. She learns to make coffee, just like the one her mother makes that Irtiza loves, and cook and do all things homely just so she can get married and be the acquiescent wife to the person she loves with all her heart, i.e., Irtiza. 

(x)

“Jo mera hai, bas wo mera hi rahe (what’s mine should remain mine),” is what she wishes for in Eid. Irtiza then leaves her to go to study in the US where he meets her elder sister, Saman, whom he develops feelings for that are different from those he harbours for Saba. Even at this point, the narrative only glosses over Irtiza’s characterisation, not offering any reasoning for his choices or decisions. What’s shown of him is in context to Saba -- he cares for her in a way he doesn’t care for anyone else, she is still his best friend who gets to know first of his feelings for Saman, etc. Saba starts hating her elder sister for stealing Irtiza from her, for taking away a piece of her heart. 

Here’s where her obsession begins to take shape: 

“Aur har wo cheez jo use pasand hai, woh main apnaa chuki hoon. Tum meri jaisi mohobbat toh karke dikhao usse (The things he [Irtiza] likes, I’ve already accepted with all my heart. Try loving him the way I do).” 

For Saba, her time after Saman relocates to Pakistan is a hellhole, a ticking time bomb, acquainting with brand new feelings of jealousy bordering in on malice, all of which are alien to the naïve her. And evidently, she hates to realise this side of hers. 

(x)

And this is partially why she distances herself from Saman. Saba doesn’t WANT to feel this way for her sister. But her obsession with this idea of love for Irtiza is evoking the worst in her. “Amma, iss dil ka kya karoon mein, jo koi baat nahi sunta, baghawat karne ko kehta hai (Grandma, what do I do of a love that refuses to see sense and only wishes to rebel)?”

This pent up negativity reaches a crescendo when she curses her sister with death so that she can be reunited with her love, Irtiza (Mahira SLAYS in this sequence). 

(x)

This scene captures the essence of the movie -- the rock bottom people can hit for love -- Saba, the amiable, naïve, and straightforward girl demands God to take her sister away so that she can be happy, she can be with the person that was always supposed to be hers, all this confession in front of her grandmother!

Saba’s life goes downhill from here. She builds a fort around herself so high that even an eagle would find it challenging to pass. She turns hostile to people who love her because she is miffed with her life and her circumstances. The love of her life has moved on but she is stuck in the past. In order to regain some semblance of routine in her life, she enrols in college and even reestablishing ties with her sister, who now lives in the US with her husband, but she still bears a grudge toward Irtiza. He on the other hand is unable to fathom the 360 degree change in his best friend’s attitude. Try as he might to coax reasons out of her for it he meets with stern rebuttals. Saman and Irtiza even try to set her up with one of his best friends’ brother, who falls for her, but she voices out her disapproval strongly time and time again without providing concrete reasons. This leaves the entire family distressed.

[the-christian-walk]

ALONE IN A CROWD

Can I pray for you in any way?

Send any prayer requests to Gods4all@aol.com In Christ, Mark

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

** Follow The Christian Walk on Twitter @ThChristianWalk

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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The scriptures. May God bless the reading of His holy word.

As they were going out, they met a man from Cyrene, named Simon, and they forced him to carry the cross. They came to a place called Golgotha (which means “the place of the skull”). There they offered Jesus wine to drink, mixed with gall; but after tasting it, He refused to drink it. When they had crucified Him, they divided up His clothes by casting lots. And sitting down, they kept watch over Him there.

Above His head they placed the written charge against Him: This is Jesus, the king of the Jews.

Two rebels were crucified with Him, one on His right and one on His left. Those who passed by hurled insults at Him, shaking their heads and saying, “You who are going to destroy the temple and build it in three days, save yourself! Come down from the cross, if you are the Son of God!” In the same way the chief priests, the teachers of the law and the elders mocked Him. “He saved others,” they said, “but He can’t save Himself! He’s the king of Israel! Let Him come down now from the cross, and we will believe in Him. He trusts in God. Let God rescue Him now if He wants Him, for He said, ‘I am the Son of God.’” In the same way the rebels who were crucified with Him also heaped insults on Him.

Matthew 27:32-44

A certain man from Cyrene, Simon, the father of Alexander and Rufus, was passing by on his way in from the country, and they forced him to carry the cross. They brought Jesus to the place called Golgotha (which means “the place of the skull”). Then they offered Him wine mixed with myrrh, but He did not take it. And they crucified Him. Dividing up His clothes, they cast lots to see what each would get. It was nine in the morning when they crucified Him. The written notice of the charge against Him read: The king of the Jews.

They crucified two rebels with Him, one on His right and one on His left. Those who passed by hurled insults at Him, shaking their heads and saying, “So! You who are going to destroy the temple and build it in three days, come down from the cross and save yourself!” In the same way the chief priests and the teachers of the law mocked Him among themselves. “He saved others,” they said, “but He can’t save Himself! Let this Messiah, this king of Israel, come down now from the cross, that we may see and believe.” Those crucified with Him also heaped insults on Him.

Mark 15:21-32

As the soldiers led Him away, they seized Simon from Cyrene, who was on his way in from the country, and put the cross on him and made him carry it behind Jesus. A large number of people followed Him, including women who mourned and wailed for Him. Jesus turned and said to them, “Daughters of Jerusalem, do not weep for Me; weep for yourselves and for your children. For the time will come when you will say, ‘Blessed are the childless women, the wombs that never bore and the breasts that never nursed!’ Then “‘they will say to the mountains, “Fall on us!” and to the hills, “Cover us!”’ For if people do these things when the tree is green, what will happen when it is dry?”

Two other men, both criminals, were also led out with Him to be executed. When they came to the place called the Skull, they crucified Him there, along with the criminals—one on His right, the other on His left. Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.” And they divided up His clothes by casting lots.

The people stood watching, and the rulers even sneered at Him. They said, “He saved others; let him save Himself if He is God’s Messiah, the Chosen One.”

The soldiers also came up and mocked Him. They offered Him wine vinegar and said, “If you are the king of the Jews, save Yourself.”

There was a written notice above Him, which read: This is the king of the Jews.

One of the criminals who hung there hurled insults at Him: “Aren’t you the Messiah? Save Yourself and us!”

But the other criminal rebuked him. “Don’t you fear God,” he said, “since you are under the same sentence? We are punished justly, for we are getting what our deeds deserve. But this man has done nothing wrong.”

Then he said, “Jesus, remember me when You come into Your kingdom.”

Jesus answered him, “Truly I tell you, today you will be with Me in paradise.”

Luke 23:13-25

So the soldiers took charge of Jesus. Carrying His own cross, He went out to the place of the Skull (which in Aramaic is called Golgotha). There they crucified Him, and with Him two others—one on each side and Jesus in the middle.

Pilate had a notice prepared and fastened to the cross. It read: Jesus of Nazareth, the king of the Jews.

Many of the Jews read this sign, for the place where Jesus was crucified was near the city, and the sign was written in Aramaic, Latin and Greek. The chief priests of the Jews protested to Pilate, “Do not write ‘The King of the Jews,’ but that this man claimed to be king of the Jews.”

Pilate answered, “What I have written, I have written.”

When the soldiers crucified Jesus, they took His clothes, dividing them into four shares, one for each of them, with the undergarment remaining. This garment was seamless, woven in one piece from top to bottom.

“Let’s not tear it,” they said to one another. “Let’s decide by lot who will get it.”

This happened that the scripture might be fulfilled that said, “They divided My clothes among them and cast lots for My garment.”

So this is what the soldiers did.

Near the cross of Jesus stood His mother, His mother’s sister, Mary the wife of Clopas, and Mary Magdalene. When Jesus saw His mother there, and the disciple whom He loved standing nearby, He said to her, “Woman, here is your son,” and to the disciple, “Here is your mother.”

From that time on, this disciple took her into his home.

John 19:16b-27

This ends today’s reading from God's holy word. Thanks be to God.

The moment had come, the moment Jesus fully knew would come long before. It was time for Him to drink from the cup of suffering He had prayed about in Gethsemane’s garden, the cup He asked His Father to take from Him if it was His will to do so. Obviously, it was God’s will for this moment, the moment when Jesus would be crucified.

He had carried His own cross quite a distance, assisted for a part of the journey by a man named Simon who was minding his own business while passing through Jerusalem only to become a participant in what was one of the most horrific, but most significant events, in human history. That event saw Jesus nailed through His hands and feet to the wooden cross and then lifted high to hang and experience a slow, excruciatingly painful death while on full display for everyone to see.

Indeed, Jesus became the main attraction at the “Place of the Skull”, better known as Golgotha, and there was quite an audience present.

First of all, Jesus had company as His cross was elevated with Him affixed to it. On either side was two rebels, men who had actually committed a crime unlike the perfectly innocent Jesus. Although two of the Gospels say that both men hurled insults, we find that one of the criminals actually showed empathy for Jesus’ situation, rebuking his convicted partner before asking Jesus to remember him when He would go to His kingdom. His request gained him more than he expected. It gained him a ticket to the kingdom to one day reunite with Jesus forever.

Also at the cross were the Roman soldiers who did the actually nailing to the cross and then the raising the crosses up. After that, there was little to do except keep watch and play childish games like casting lots (think rolling dice) for the garments stripped off those being crucified. On this day, they were particularly enamored with the clothes that Jesus had been wearing.

As you might expect, the Jewish religious leaders were there. After all, they wouldn’t want to miss seeing the final result of their evil work. We read where they were agitated by Pilate who had the soldiers place a sign on the cross that identified the man upon it as:

“Jesus of Nazareth, the king of the Jews.”

The statement rankled the Jewish religious authorities who demanded that Pilate revise the sign but he refused to do so. Angered by the Roman governor, they took out their frustration on Jesus heaping verbal abuse upon Him by mocking Him while using statements He had made about who He was.

“He saved others but He can’t save Himself!”

“He’s the king of Israel! Let Him come down now from the cross, and we will believe in Him.”

“He trusts in God. Let God rescue Him now if He wants Him, for He said, ‘I am the Son of God.’”

The Jewish religious leaders weren’t the only ones firing off insults. We read where there were people passing by who got involved saying:

“You who are going to destroy the temple and build it in three days, save yourself!”

“Come down from the cross, if you are the Son of God!”

Even the Roman soldiers followed suit with their own deriding, seemingly bored with their clothing divining casting lots game.

Yes, there were a lot of different people present at the cross, most of them opposed to Jesus and not hesitating to take advantage of His vulnerable situation to add insult to injury. It was the proverbial act of kicking someone when they were already down and I can’t imagine how alone Jesus must have felt, forsaken by everyone except for a small group of supporters that included His mother Mary and John, the disciple Jesus loved, who gathered in sadness and mourning as He suffered. For Jesus, it was the equivalency of feeling alone in a crowd.

So how did Jesus respond to those who were doing Him wrong?

He didn’t return fire for fire, that’s for sure. After all, He had taught through His years of ministry that the “eye for an eye” principle that many adhered to was nothing short of sinful and there wasn’t a sin that Jesus had ever committed. One with His Father God, He was perfectly righteous.

So what did Jesus do?

We know by His own words.

“Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.”

Do you think you could have done that if you were in His shoes? In the midst of being violated in the worst possible way when you had done nothing but taught, healed, loved, and even resurrected others, could you ask for forgiveness upon those who did you wrong?

It would take a strength, and a grace, far beyond what any mere human possesses, a strength and grace that Jesus had in copious quantities. And through His statement, Jesus provides one final important teaching before He gave up His Spirit. For through His actions, we see the yardstick by which to measure how we should be forgiving others. In the end translation here, if Jesus could forgive those present after all they had done to Him, then we can follow His lead and forgive anyone.

Of course, this isn’t the only level of forgiveness the cross reminds us of. For when we look there and remember Jesus, we remember how God wished to forgive us through the sacrifice of His Son. A perfect blood sacrifice was required in order to atone for the sins of all mankind and Jesus was the sacrifice. He shed His blood so anyone who places their faith, hope, and trust in Him could be washed clean by it on their way to pardon from the judgment of sin.

For the Romans and others, the cross was a place of death but for Christian believers, it’s where true life, everlasting life began, just as God intended it to be.

Amen.

In Christ,

Mark

PS: Feel free to leave a comment and please share this with anyone you feel might be blessed by it. Send any prayer requests to Gods4all@aol.com

[shadowphoenixrider]

Getting a Room (1/2)

(Nothing to really say about this, except to tag my usual, wonderful ladies: @galleywinter, @sigurdjarlson, @highpriestessbriyanna, @fer8girl and @elfgirl931! Hope you enjoy it!)

“The Hammer of Khaz’goroth.” Khadgar breathed as Mayla Highmountain placed the Pillar of Creation on the pedestal, set aside by the Council in the Chamber of the Guardian. “You say your people have protected this artifact for generations?”

“Yes, until Dargrul’s theft and the death of my father.” Mayla replied. “If not for the skill of your champions, I doubt we would have gotten it back.”

She turned to look at the group of five Horde champions behind her. Draggka, the troll hunter, smiled and bowed her head respectfully to the chieftain, even as she rubbed her raptor Spike’s head, and glanced at her compatriots. Harnaka, the orc shaman, stood on her left, a purple bruise swelling one orange eye shut, and by her side was Cayeli, a blood elf monk who still somehow managed to look poised and immaculate despite the group’s rough adventure and the bruises forming on the glimpses of tanned skin. Standing at Draggka’s right was the contrast of the diminutive goblin priest Tinkerspring; whose personality more than made up the deficit, and the much larger form of the Sunwalker Aiyaona, whose smile was the smallest and most shy of the group, although her eyes told an altogether brighter story.

“When you first set foot upon our shores,” Mayla spoke, “I prayed to the spirits, asking if you could be trusted. By helping to reunite our tribes, you have proven yourselves true friends to our people.” The tauren looked back to the Hammer, now hovering in magical stasis. “For us, the Hammer has always been a symbol of unity, a reminder of our proud history. But in your hands, it will serve a greater purpose.” She looked back to the group. “On behalf of the tribes of Highmountain, I entrust the Hammer to you and your allies. May it strike true at the hearts of the enemy.”

Mayla paused a moment, her ears flicking. “The spirits whisper that our fates are intertwined. My people stand ready to aid you in the war against the Legion.”

Khadgar bowed.

“We are honour to have your support, High Chieftain,” he said, voice soft but strong. “We will guard the Hammer with our lives.”

Mayla’s head tilted forward in a bare hint of a nod.

“I have no doubt of that.” She replied.

“If no-one minds,” Aiyaona suddenly piped up. “Would I be allowed to accompany Mayla back to Highmountain? I-I know she has her own guards, but the Legion...” She trailed off, her brief boldness retreating under everyone’s gaze.

“I would be grateful for your company, Aiyaona.” A slight smile graced the High Chieftain’s lips. “We best return to Highmountain now, in any case.”

“Of course.” The Sunwalker nodded, glancing to her friends. “See you soon.”

“See ya soon, Aiya.” Draggka smiled. “Safe travels.”

The two tauren took their leave, starting a low conversation in Taur’ahe just before they stepped onto the teleporter, and were gone in a flash of magic. Khadgar looked to the rest of the group, one silver eyebrow arched quizzically.

“Aiya’s glad to be among tauren that don’t see her as coming from a tribe of traitors.” Harnaka explained, going to rub at her swollen eye before Cayeli swatted her hand away.

Draggka nodded.

“I don’t be blamin’ her. I not seen her dat happy in a long time. ‘Sides, she be better placed den us to be understanding dem better.”

“Certainly.” Khadgar agreed, glancing to the Pillar of Creation. “One down, four to go.” He grinned widely, one that reached his eyes and made them gleam. “Excellent work, all of you.”

“Tanks.” Draggka grinned back. “Though it be mainly Aiya an’ Tink who got us through dat.”

“Aw, shucks!” Tinkerspring waved her hand in feigned embarrassment, whilst her grin just as wide as Khadgar’s. “But you were fine. Those two, on the other hand...” She pointed at Harnaka and Cayeli.

“It’s not our fault we have to fight in close quarters.” The blood elf huffed, folding her arms. “We have to take it as it comes, not sit around a million miles away and throw pointy sticks at them.” A smirk danced on her lips as Draggka gasped dramatically, eyes wide. “Also let me remind you what your raptor does, whilst you’re out there on your own.”

“Yeah, but he’s actually smart enough to get out of the way of rocks and magma flying in his direction.” The priest commented, before her voice dropped to a serious tone. “You were very lucky Harnie took that blow for you. It could’ve gotten super messy.”

Cayeli glanced to the orc, who smiled broadly at her, despite her obvious wound.

“Yeah. Thank you, Harnie.” The monk smiled back, albeit more shyly.

“No problem.” Harnaka replied, patting her shoulder as gently as the muscled warrior could. “I’d do it again, any time.”

“Ah, hopefully not.” Draggka interrupted. “Tink might not appreciate scraping ya offa da floor all da time.”

“Mana doesn’t grow on trees, you animals.” The goblin sniffed. “And before you say anything, I’ve still got to buy vials to make those potions! Money has to go into them at some point!”

Khadgar chuckled deeply, clearly amused by their banter. Fondness was written all over his face, although Draggka could have swore that...there was a sadness in his eyes...

“I’d prefer all of you to stay alive,” he said. “I’d like not to lose any of the champions that aided me on Draenor.” He looked between them. “Anyway, what were your next moves? As I understand it, you’ve all joined various class orders, and some of you have moved up in the world?”

“Most of us.” Cayeli sighed. “Aiya and I didn’t, though in her case I think it was for the best. I don’t think she would have coped with becoming Highlord of the Silver Hand.”

“You wanted to be Grandmaster of the Order of the Broken Temple?” Tinkerspring asked, raising a surprised eyebrow. “I thought you were averse to power?”

“Well, it would have been nice.” The blood elf admitted. “I can’t deny it. But Chiuza, the draenei who is the Grandmaster, she outclasses me.” She shrugged. “So I haven’t got any problems with her being in charge. Honestly.”

“It’s alright, Cay.” Harnaka smiled fondly, patting her gently on the shoulder again, pulling her slightly closer. “You’ll always be the Grandmaster in my eyes.” The elf’s cheeks seemed to flush red.

“High praise from the new Farseer.” Khadgar spoke, his eyes dropping to the Doomhammer at her side. Draggka noticed, to her surprise, that there was a wary light in his pale blue eyes, and slight tension tightening in his back. “Go’el stepped down?”

“Yeah.” Harnaka glanced at the hammer. “I don’t...exactly feel competent enough to wield it. I mean, I know it responded to me, but...Go’el...I don’t think I could even begin to fill his shoes.”

“Harnie, you’ll be fine.” Cayeli smiled at her, green eyes flickering and the flush completely vanished. “You’re not leading the Horde or anything. Besides, if you can’t fill his shoes, don’t!” She giggled musically. “Why do you think I’m a monk, and not an arcanist like my parents?”

“You’re missing out, you know.” Khadgar said to her, a smile playing on his lips. “But you’re right. You must forge your own path where you can, not just follow others blindly, hoping to live up to them.” A flash of morose sadness flickered across his face, so quick Draggka knew she could have missed it if she’d blinked. The apprentice follows the master, she noted silently.

“Says the wizard who tried to get himself trapped on Draenor a second time.” Tinkerspring smirked, leaning on her staff.

“In my defence, High Priest,” Khadgar grinned widely, “I have closed the Dark Portal twice before. I know what I’m doing!”

“Ya said dat before ya nearly blew me up.” Draggka reminded him, Spike chuffing softly.

“For an archmage, you do tend to be a danger to yourself and others.” Cayeli agreed, folding her arms and raising one long red eyebrow.

“That’s how mages are, Cay.” Tinkerspring interrupted Khadgar as he opened his mouth. “You know how my brother is? Imagine him, but bigger, less green, old as shit, and you get the Old Man here.” The goblin grinned madly as the young-old mage narrowed his eyes at her.

“I’ll remember that.” Khadgar said. “I still don’t know how or why the Conclave chose you as their leader. Did you pay them off?”

“Wow, you’re going there? Wow.” The goblin gasped, laying a hand over her breast. “Honestly though, I don’t know either. That Faol guy seemed pretty convinced about it, though.”

The elder mage blinked.

“Faol? As in...Alonsus...Faol?” He asked, voice faint and disbelieving.

“Yeah, that was his name. He was an old bishop of the Light or something.” Tinkerspring frowned. “Why?”

There was a pause.

“Nothing.” Khadgar shook his head. “Nothing that should concern you. Just the musings of an old man.” He smiled, looking for the world as if he truly was unbothered, but the hunter wasn’t entirely convinced. “Anyway, I’ve kept you champions long enough. I’m sure you all have important things to be getting on with, and I’d be loathe to keep you from them.” He grinned widely. “Especially if that involves fighting the Legion.”

“Don’t worry Archmage, even if we don’t, those demon hunters will do more than their fair share.” Cayeli commented, the others nodding.

“Are you sure we can trust them?” Harnaka asked, glancing between monk and mage. “I mean, they were working with Illidan, and he wasn’t exactly being a good influence on Outland, right?” She looked to Khadgar, who nodded.

“That is true, but the enemy of our enemy is our friend, and in this case, their blades are greatly appreciated.” Khadgar said. “There are few as adept in fighting the Legion as they are, after all. And they seem trustworthy enough.”

He looked to the Hammer, and then back to them, smiling. “Anyhow, well done, champions. Once I have discovered clues to the locations of the other Pillars of Creation, I will let you know, and I’m sure you’ll bring them safely back.” His smile was warm, almost fatherly. “Perhaps the Highmountain  tauren can help you? They know this land better than us. We’ll see. Either way, good hunting, my friends. Keep yourselves safe.”

“We will.” Tinkerspring grinned. “And if they don’t, I’ll at least be around to scrape them up off the floor.”

“We not be that bad, surely?” Draggka grinned at her friend.

“You’re not.” The priest replied, gesturing. “They are.”

Cayeli gasped offendedly.

“How about you do the punching next time, Tinkerbell?” She said haughtily. “We’ll see how easy you find it.”

“Shouldn’t be too hard, I’m very short.” The goblin grinned widely, especially as the monk narrowed her eyes.

“Let’s not be starting a fight here.” Draggka chuckled, glancing the archmage and the tendrils of magic that were starting to drift around his fingers. “Not unless ya wanna end up sheep.”

“It’s alright, Cay.” Harnaka smiled, hip-checking her friend and almost knocking her over. “I’ll protect you and keep you safe, even if Tink won’t.”

The elf’s annoyance faded, and she smiled back at the orc.

“Thank you, Harnaka. You’re...a good friend.”

The orc’s smile widened, her pale orange eyes brighting.

“C’mon, we should get our armour repaired.” She gestured. “You never know when the next scrap is going to happen.”

The other nodded, starting to make a move before Khadgar cleared his throat.

“I hope you don’t mind, but I’d like to take up some of the Huntmaster’s time. I have a matter of scouting reports to discuss with her.” He glanced to Draggka, a flash of mischief passing through his eyes for a split second.

The other women glanced to one another, before a grin that stretched from ear to ear appeared on Tinkerspring’s face, and she ushered the others off.

“We’ll catch up later Draggka!” She said brightly, flashing a wink at the pair before she addressed the others. “Lemme heal that eye up for you when we’re waiting. Maybe next time you’ll be a bit more careful!” Any potential response was swallowed as they stepped onto the teleporter, vanishing in a flash of magic.

As soon as they were alone, Draggka felt Khadgar’s hand slide around her waist.

“You were quiet for a while there.” He murmured softly, eyes warm with adoration. “Everything alright?”

“Yeah, everyting be fine.” She smiled back at him. “Dey can be a little loud. I don’t mind. We be good friends, and I wouldn’t be trading dem.”

“No.” Khadgar looked back to the Hammer, smiling. “Certainly not. You are all champions of impeccable skill, and we are lucky to have you protecting Azeroth. And you are lucky to have their friendship.”

The troll nodded, absently petting Spike as he brushed by her.

“Yeah.” She looked back to her lover and raised an eyebrow. “So, what be dese ‘scouting reports’ ya want to be talkin’ to me about?”

“Nothing of the sort.” Khadgar grinned mischievously. “I was hoping to spend some time with you before circumstances call you away again.” His grin cooled to a shy smile. “Also I was hoping to show you...show you my quarters,” he said softly, his cheeks flushing red like a schoolboy with a crush. “I, I was thinking it’d be a good place for you to, to relax, w-without anyone seeing us, or, or, bothering you.”

Draggka smiled at his stuttering, feeling her face heat.

“Dat...I like da sound of dat,” she said, her hand brushing over the one on her hip as it slid away. “I guess ya gonna teleport us dere?”

“Of course.” Khadgar replied, lifting his hands as magic swirled around him, filling his eyes with purple-white light. “Wouldn’t want anyone catching us. Come close.”

Spike came to Draggka’s side as the mage spoke, the spell completing moments after. When it had deposited them inside the Violet Citadel, and onto a soft, plush rug, she opened her eyes to take her new surroundings. She wasn’t sure what she’d been expecting, but it definitely wasn’t this.

The apartment was bigger than she’d imagined, and quite finely furnished, feeling warm and...homely, in a similar way the insides of the keep in Frostwall had felt. Except this felt softer, as if war was barely a distant thought to its resident; comfort was a much higher priority. It had the dark purple tones of the Kirin Tor in some places, but most of it had been replaced in deep reds and darker colours to match. The only Kirin Tor eyes she could glimpse were on discarded correspondence stuffed into corners, or under piles of books scattered about the room.

The room they were currently in had to be what humans called the ‘living room’, carpeted with soft rugs and lined with shelves that held books and other various artifacts, some nicely stacked, others less so. It was windowless, but lit well by lamps hanging from the ceiling, as well from the natural light leaking in from the other rooms. There was a large, red cushioned couch that took up a good portion of the room, a table in front of it, and a pair of equally plush chairs towards a corner of the room. They were positioned by one of the magical fireplaces Dalaran was known for, that produced no smoke (or if they did, the mages found a way to capture and store it somehow).

It was a foreign place to the troll, but she felt very relaxed and secure here. Maybe it was Khadgar that soothed her, or the knowledge that it was his home; either way, she knew she would be as settled here as she was in Frostwall.

“So,” Khadgar cleared his throat, a slight bashful flush alighting his face, “shall I show you around? Or do you just want to sit and rest? I mean, I can always do it later, if you wish? T-The showing around, I mean.”

Draggka glanced down to Spike, who was already wandering from her side, sniffing the air and looking around with intent curiosity, and she chuckled.

“Tink ya better show me around before Spike does.” She grinned, nodding to her companion. Khadgar followed her gaze, and chuckled.

“So I see. Alright then.”

Left off of the living room was Khadgar’s study, which heaved with even more books and magical artifacts and papers of all sorts, like a slightly larger, less tightly packed version of his tower in Draenor. The study window looked out onto the main city of Dalaran, visible from his desk, the wood covered in ink stains. Right off of the living room was the kitchen; small, and with a suspiciously well stocked pantry off to the side. It was clean, though Draggka noted some neglected washing up in the sink, and that the room hadn’t really seen much use recently. She silently vowed to put an end to that, if Khadgar didn’t mind her using it.

The bedroom was north of the living room, and contained a generous double bed that made Draggka smirk; the archmage had blushed and stuttered that all the Council members had big beds for luxury, so they could sprawl if needed, and it wasn’t for consorts and mistresses, honest. There was a generous amount of windows here, one looking over the city and the other looking out at the sky behind the Violet Citadel. A door situated in the far non-Dalaran corner of the room led to the washroom, almost hidden by said wardrobe.

Many books were also scattered about here, as well as it being as equally plush as the room south of it, only this also contained a wardrobe and chests of drawers that made the room look more domestic than the others. It reminded the hunter that it was Khadgar’s refuge, not just the house base of the Leader of the Kirin Tor.

“Nice place ya have here.” Draggka said, when the wizard was finished showing her around. “I like it.”

“You do?” Khadgar’s blue eyes seemed to spark with joy. “I’m glad. I was hoping, well,” he blushed brightly as he led her back to the living room, Spike trotting past his legs to further explore the apartment. “W-Well, that you’d, p-perhaps...”

“Perhaps...?” She prompted.

“...Perhaps...you’d like to stay here? L-Like a second home. I-If you want it.” The archmage glanced away, his blush starting to rival the colour of the couch, and creeping up to his ears. “I-I mean, I know it’s not really your thing, city life, a-and I know Trueshot Lodge is more suited to hunter like yourself, but-”

His stammering was silenced by her gentle finger on his lips.

“Khadgar,” she said, smiling warmly, “I’d love to.”

He blinked.

“You, you would?” When she nodded, he beamed, seeming to lose almost three quarters of his age in seconds. “That’s wonderful! I’ll set you up with a key and make space for your stuff and-” He stopped, frowning. “Bugger. I hadn’t thought how I’m going to move your stuff into here. And I need to-”

“Khadgar, it be fine!” Draggka laughed, grabbing his hands. “It be fine. I don’t be havin’ much to my name, and it already be in da bank or carried wit me anyway, though I were makin’ a place in da Lodge for myself. But I don’t need to be movin’ in all at once. If ya make me a space, I can be leavin’ tings here over time.  Den no-one will be seeing anyting dat makes dem suspicious. No need fer a rush. Da world not be ending ‘cos I don’t be having my stuff here, right?”

Khadgar nodded slowly, absorbing her words.

“Yes...yes, you’re right, my dear. So long as we have each other, materials are, well, immaterial.” He smiled. “Now, sit. Do you want anything to drink? A tea, wine, water?”

“No, I be fine, tanks.” Draggka smiled back, waving the request off. “I just be needing to be getting da weight off my feet.”

“Understandable, what with you going through Deathwing’s old lair in bare feet.” The mage said pointedly as the troll settled onto the couch with a sigh, placing her unstrung bow, quiver and pack to the side.

“It not be like I be standin’ on lava or anyting.” Draggka replied, tucking her feet up under herself, as Khadgar sat beside her. “We trolls be used to it.”

“Somehow.” He commented dryly. A pause. “So. Huntmaster of the Unseen Path.”

“Yeah.”

The mage grinned.

“So? That’s incredible. People are finally realizing that you’re one of, if not the greatest hunter Azeroth has ever seen,” he said. “I’d say that’s an achievement.”

Draggka smiled lopsidedly, a slight flush under her fur.

“Just because dey decided to make me da leader because I be having Allera’s bow don’t make me da best hunter ever. Afta all, dere be other hunters working to get other, legendary weapons to fight against da Legion. I not be special. Just lucky.”

“I disagree with you not being special.” Khadgar replied. “You’re certainly special, in your skill, your personality, just being you. After all, no-one has stolen my heart before.” He grinned at her, eyes twinkling. “But okay, maybe I was exaggerating a bit. Slightly.” His grin cooled to a smile, and he stretched an arm to rest over the couch behind her. “But the last I heard, after you were taken to Trueshot Lodge and made leader of the Unseen Path, you were contacted by one of the Highmountain tauren there. Tell me about what happened, and how you got the Hammer?”

Draggka smiled, leaning into him.

“Sure. So, afta I were inducted into da Unseen Path, and Ohn’ahra appeared in da sky...”

(Next)

[comebeforegod]

A Movie Reunited Me With the Lord Jesus

By Jin Yu, South Korea

In 2005, I believed in the Lord Jesus with my husband. We read the Bible, attended meetings and prayed together. 

Whatever happened to us, we would consult the Lord’s words to solve it and practice according to His teachings. We enjoyed the joy of being with the Lord every day. Besides, our hearts were peaceful and secure, and we lived very happily. We also confidently expected that someday we would be able to welcome the return of the Lord and be taken back to the heavenly home.

Living in Sin, I Felt Confused

But later, lawlessness grew ever more rampant in our church and I was also gradually incapable of holding on the teachings of the Lord. At that time, my sister was often reviled and even hit by her husband after he got drunk. Therefore, I developed a hatred for my brother-in-law and didn’t want to talk to him anymore. I was disgusted at my brother too. This was because he always asked me to help him in life. In the beginning it was okay for me to do that; later on, I found it difficult to help him all the time. Thus, I was angry at my brother’s worthlessness and no longer willing to help him. I knew that hating others and losing my temper were sins, and were at odds with the will of the Lord. However, even if I entreated the Lord and confessed my sins every time, afterward I was still unable to control myself. I used to feel distress because I lived in the vicious cycle of committing and then confessing my sins. For this reason, I also asked pastors how to solve this problem many times. They always said to me, “The Lord Jesus has already forgiven our sins, and He doesn’t see us as sinners anymore. When He returns we will be taken into the kingdom of heaven.” But God’s words say: “Be you holy; for I am holy” (1 Peter 1:16). “Follow peace with all men, and holiness, without which no man shall see the Lord” (Hebrews 12:14). Consequently, I began to worry: The Lord is holy, while I often live in sin and can’t break free of the bonds and control of sin. Going on in this way, can I gain the Lord’s approval? Can I enter the kingdom of heaven when He comes?

In 2015, I came to South Korea with my husband. Besides paying tithes, we dedicated money for thanking and for building every month. Because we donated over one million KRW every month, the pastors, elders and deacons all valued us. They always greeted us with smiles, while they gave the cold shoulder to those believers who donated much less money. Seeing that pastors and elders disdained for the poor and fawned over the rich and couldn’t treat people fairly, and that their actions were the same as the worldly people, I felt fed up with them. I thought they couldn’t keep the Lord’s teachings and lived in sin, so how could they lead us to cast off sins? Can we behold the Lord when He returns? I was extremely disappointed and puzzled. I could do nothing but pray to the Lord and ask Him to have mercy on me and to lead me.

My Husband Brought Back the Good News

The Lord is faithful. He listened to my prayers. One day in February 2018, after returning home from work, my husband was in high spirits and said to me happily, “The Lord Jesus has come back.” I felt astounded, so I asked him, “Really? How did you know? Where did you hear about this?” He replied, “I have been to The Church of Almighty God to investigate it. When I first heard the brothers and sisters there say that Almighty God is the returned Lord Jesus of the last days, and that He was incarnated to express His words and to do the work of judgment beginning with the house of God, my heart was filled with confusion. Then they read a passage of Almighty God’s words to me: ‘Perhaps, having heard the way of truth and read the word of life, you believe that only one in 10,000 of these words are in line with your convictions and the Bible, and then you should continue to seek in that 10,000th of these words. I still advise you to be humble, to not be over-confident, and to not exalt yourself too highly. With your heart holding such meager reverence for God, you will gain greater light. If you carefully examine and repeatedly contemplate these words, you shall understand whether or not they are the truth, and whether or not they are life.’ I came to realize this: When studying the true way, one must first hold a heart of humble seeking. Only in this way can I obtain God’s guidance. Moreover, after returning home, I kept recalling what they fellowshipped. I thought it was all in accordance with the Bible and very reasonable. When I went there to listen to their message a second time, they asked me to see a number of movies produced by The Church of Almighty God. What they fellowshipped in the films were the questions that had puzzled us for a long time, such as what is the root of our keep sinning, what is the way of resolving sins, what path should be followed in man’s belief in God, the difference between following God and following people, etc. All these aspects of the truth are made very clear. Besides, there are various kinds of videos, such as dancing and singing, short sketch, comic crosstalk, and stage performance, and so on. Through these many kinds of artistic performances, they show a variety of testimonies and the knowledge and harvest that they gain from experiencing Almighty God’s work of the last days. …” I was attracted by the words of my husband and thought, “Could it be true that the Lord Jesus has returned?” Next, he showed me the film “Stinging Memories” from The Church of Almighty God. Then I managed to quiet my heart, and saw it while at the same time praying to the Lord.

A Gospel Movie Resolved My Doubts

In the movie, Brother Wang said, “The Lord Jesus did forgive our sins. But it doesn’t mean we don’t have sins, or we’ve broken free from the shackles of sin and become holy. The Lord Jesus has forgiven our sins. But what does the ‘sins’ mean here? We all know things like fornication and theft, which are against the law, the commandments, and God’s word, all are sins. All things that resist God, condemn God, and judge God are also sins, not to mention blasphemy against God, which is an unforgivable sin! In the Age of Grace, the Lord Jesus made Himself the sin offering for mankind. Only if men pray, confess, and repent to the Lord could they not be condemned or put to death. In other words, God no longer took them as sinners. And due to His forgiveness of their sins, mankind could pray to the Lord directly and enjoy His grace. This is the real meaning of ‘sins are forgiven.’ Although men’s sins are forgiven because of the sin offering of the Lord Jesus, it doesn’t mean that they will no longer sin or resist God. This is because their sinful nature still remains, and they can still resist, betray, and make enemy with God. How could such people be qualified to enter the kingdom of heaven? Just like Almighty God’s words say, ‘A sinner such as you, who has just been redeemed, and has not been changed, or been perfected by God, can you be after God’s heart? For you, you who are still of your old self, it is true that you were saved by Jesus, and that you are not counted as a sinner because of the salvation of God, but this does not prove that you are not sinful, and are not impure. How can you be saintly if you have not been changed? Within, you are beset by impurity, selfish and mean, yet you still wish to descend with Jesus—you should be so lucky! You have missed a step in your belief in God: You have merely been redeemed, but have not been changed. For you to be after God’s heart, God must personally do the work of changing and cleansing you; if you are only redeemed, you will be incapable of attaining sanctity. In this way you will be unqualified to share in the good blessings of God, for you have missed out a step in God’s work of managing man, which is the key step of changing and perfecting. And so you, a sinner who has just been redeemed, are incapable of directly inheriting God’s inheritance’

“The redemptive work Lord Jesus did was only to forgive people’s sins, but it didn’t resolve their corrupt disposition. The satanic dispositions like arrogance, selfishness, greed, and craftiness still remain within them. These corrupt dispositions are something deeper and more stubborn than sins. They are also the root of man’s sinning and resisting God. If these satanic corrupt dispositions are not resolved, people will still often sin and resist God, and still judge and condemn God by their imagination and notions. In persecution and tribulation, they will still deny God, and even betray God as Judas. When given the position, they will form their own kingdom to fight against God. Some even will steal God’s offerings and offend His disposition, and will be condemned by God and perish. Now, most pastors and leaders in the religious world do not follow the  Lord Jesus’ words. They misinterpret the Bible willfully, saying that man’s words in the Bible are God’s words. They exalt man’s word rather than testify the Lord Jesus’ words. So the believers all worship and follow man, having no place of the Lord in their heart, and are controlled firmly under their influence. Especially when the returned Lord Jesus does the work of judgment, these pastors and leaders not only refuse to seek or investigate, but condemn God’s work, judge and blaspheme God. They also fabricate rumors to deceive the believers and seal off the churches, making enemy with God publicly and offending God’s disposition. This is the biggest resistance against God. This is an unforgivable sin! Their evil deeds are far more serious than those of the Pharisees who resisted Lord Jesus. (Yes!) This proves that before man’s nature of resisting God is resolved and his satanic corrupt disposition is purified, he can still do any evil against God. Then how can such a person enter God’s kingdom? Therefore, according to His plan of managing and saving mankind, and also corrupt mankind’s real needs, God expresses various truths in the last days. He begins the work prophesied in the Bible that “judgment must begin at the house of God,” to solve the key problem that corrupt mankind is controlled by his satanic nature. In this way, man can gradually get rid of his satanic corrupt disposition, and no longer disobeys or resists God, and can truly obey and fear God, thus being purified and entering the kingdom of heaven.”

After hearing Brother Wang’s fellowship, I understood the root of our sin: Actually, our sins have just been forgiven by the Lord Jesus, but our sinful nature is still deeply rooted within us and hasn’t been cast off. So, we still commit sins and confess them repeatedly, and can’t break free from the bondage of sins. The sinners like us can’t enter the kingdom of heaven.

When continuing to see the film, we heard Brother Zhang read the word of Almighty God, “When God becomes flesh this time, His work is to express His disposition, primarily through chastisement and judgment. Using this as the foundation, He brings more truth to man, shows more ways of practice, and so achieves His objective of conquering man and saving man from his corrupt disposition. This is what lies behind the work of God in the Age of Kingdom.” “By means of this work of judgment and chastisement, man will fully come to know the filthy and corrupt substance within his own self, and he will be able to change completely and become clean. Only in this way can man become worthy to return before the throne of God. All the work done this day is so that man can be made clean and be changed; through judgment and chastisement by the word, as well as through refinement, man can purge away his corruption and be made pure.” Then Brother Zhang said, “From Almighty God’s words we can see that in the last days, God expresses the truth to judge and chastise corrupt mankind. All the words God judges man with are the expression of His righteous disposition, and what He has and is, and the words that can be man’s life. Therefore, they are all truths. For corrupt mankind, these words of truth are judgment themselves. They’re chastisement, condemnation, searching, and purification. With the word of truth, God purifies the satanic disposition within corrupt mankind, and solves their nature and substance of resisting God. This is the significance for God to purify, save, and perfect man with judgment. … Meanwhile, He also thoroughly discloses man’s nature and substance corrupted by Satan, the truth of his corruption and the root of his sin. Then man reflects and realizes that his nature is the very nature of Satan, and sees clearly that his living out is the likeness of Satan, the devil, so he truly repents, willingly accepts God’s judgment, chastisement, trials and refining, and pursues the truth and transformation in disposition under the leading of God’s word. And he gradually breaks away from the bondage of his satanic corrupt disposition, rebels against Satan thoroughly, leaves the darkness and returns to God. Man’s nature of sinning is therefore resolved radically.”

We repeatedly watched this film three times. After that, I thought the truth about which they fellowshipped was very clear and explicit. In addition, I found the way of breaking free of corrupt disposition; that is, I must accept the judgment and chastisement of God’s words. Only in this way can I be free of my corrupt disposition and be purified by God. Only Almighty God’s words can change us; only those who follow His work can be saved and be made perfect by Him. In the past, I was always vexed that I had lived in sin and that I constantly committed sins and then confessed them but couldn’t find the path of getting rid of sins. I wondered: I am incapable of setting myself free from sin, so I will be forsaken and eliminated by the Lord when He returns. Now, after reading the word of Almighty God, I felt that there was hope of ridding myself of sins.

Seeing Through Satan’s Harassment

When I had read and studied the words of Almighty God at home for three days, my husband just believed in God for five days, yet he read God’s words and saw films more than I did. Therefore he was already certain that Almighty God is the return of the Lord Jesus. He got worried about his sister and brother-in-law who were also Christians, wanting them to catch up with God’s new work as soon as possible. So he told the good news of the Lord Jesus’ return to his sister who was in China, and to her husband, who lived in South Korea. Unexpectedly, not only did they not accept that, but they together with their pastors blocked us from examining the true way. During those days, our phones were very busy. The pastors and my sister-in-law gave us calls all the time. They all said I was deceived. This was because I just started believing in God and didn’t read much of God’s word. After hearing their words, my heart began to shake. My husband knew what I thought, so he fellowshipped with me, “These people made phone calls to disturb us. You have to see through Satan’s trickery. Don’t you remember the Lord Jesus said: ‘I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man comes to the Father, but by me’ (John 14:6)? In believing in God, if we wish to enter the kingdom of heaven, we must follow the words of the Lord Jesus. Only He is the gate of the kingdom of heaven. We ought to pray to God more often and read His words more, and should not follow what others say. Think back to when the Lord Jesus appeared and worked. Having no own views and firm stance, when the Jews saw Him perform miracles, they didn’t seek truth from it, but instead blindly believed the rumors of the chief priests, scribes and Pharisees. Consequently, not only did they lose the Lord Jesus’ salvation, but they resisted Jesus along with them and eventually were punished and cursed by the Lord. We should learn lessons from their failure. Now, I have already been fully convinced that Almighty God is the returned Lord Jesus. Thence, regardless of what they have said, I won’t waver in my resolve to believe in Almighty God.”

What my husband said awakened me to the reality: Yes, the people who believe in God must submit to His words. I have seen so many words of Almighty God, movies and videos. I have confirmed from my heart that the word of Almighty God is the truth. I must have my own position and opinion, and should not waver easily. In each age, when God appears and works, there are always some antichrists who rise to disrupt, condemn and resist God’s work. The Lord Jesus once said that God would reap and winnow, and separate the wheat from the tares, the sheep from the goats, and the good servants from the evil ones. If I have no discernment and blindly follow Satan’s evil forces, will I not become the tare revealed by God and be eliminated? With this thought, my wavering heart finally quieted down.

Certain About the True Way, I Feltl Joyous

Later, I formally came to The Church of Almighty God for investigation. The brothers and sisters gave us a warm welcome, read the word of Almighty God to us, and let us watch videos and films. I got to understand many truths which I had not understood before, and started to have faith and strength inside. From then on, after coming back home from work, we saw the films and videos of The Church of Almighty God every day, for example, the gospel movie Who Is He That Has Returned, religious persecution movies The Conversation, To the Brink and Back, and so on. Each one of them made me receive great benefits. I was moved by the faith through which brothers and sisters would rather die than quit following God. Have a think: When brothers and sisters suffer the CCP demons’ torture, if it isn’t for the appearance and work of the true God, or God’s guidance and protection, who could bear this up? At the juncture of life and death, they were able to uphold loyalty to God and had such great faith. Weren’t they conquered by the word of Almighty God? Moreover, The Church of Almighty God has been constantly suppressed and oppressed by the CCP government, but God’s kingdom gospel is expanding like a raging fire and has spread throughout the universe. What comes from God must flourish! I was more convinced that Almighty God is the return of the Lord Jesus.

What I didn’t expect was that a sister in our church called us when she knew we had believed in Almighty God. She said that she had watched online the films and various videos of The Church of Almighty God for a long time, and that she dared not tell anyone because she was afraid of interference of pastors and elders. Thank God! It really is the case that God’s sheep hear His voice! Now, she has come to The Church of Almighty God together with us. We attend meetings and read God’s words with the brothers and sisters, and fellowship and share our own experience and knowledge with each other. Our church life is free and liberated! It’s full of life and vitality here and is completely different from the desolation of our previous church. Thank God for His salvation! Under the watering of God’s words, I “grow up” day by day. I have more and more faith in being cleansed and saved.

[focusontheeasternlightning-blog]

A Movie Reunited Me With the Lord Jesus

By Jin Yu, South Korea

In 2005, I believed in the Lord Jesus with my husband. We read the Bible, attended meetings and prayed together. Whatever happened to us, we would consult the Lord’s words to solve it and practice according to His teachings. We enjoyed the joy of being with the Lord every day. Besides, our hearts were peaceful and secure, and we lived very happily. We also confidently expected that someday we would be able to welcome the return of the Lord and be taken back to the heavenly home.

Living in Sin, I Felt Confused

But later, lawlessness grew ever more rampant in our church and I was also gradually incapable of holding on the teachings of the Lord. At that time, my sister was often reviled and even hit by her husband after he got drunk. Therefore, I developed a hatred for my brother-in-law and didn’t want to talk to him anymore. I was disgusted at my brother too. This was because he always asked me to help him in life. In the beginning it was okay for me to do that; later on, I found it difficult to help him all the time. Thus, I was angry at my brother’s worthlessness and no longer willing to help him. I knew that hating others and losing my temper were sins, and were at odds with the will of the Lord. However, even if I entreated the Lord and confessed my sins every time, afterward I was still unable to control myself. I used to feel distress because I lived in the vicious cycle of committing and then confessing my sins. For this reason, I also asked pastors how to solve this problem many times. They always said to me, “The Lord Jesus has already forgiven our sins, and He doesn’t see us as sinners anymore. When He returns we will be taken into the kingdom of heaven.” But God’s words say: “Be you holy; for I am holy” (1 Peter 1:16). “Follow peace with all men, and holiness, without which no man shall see the Lord” (Hebrews 12:14). Consequently, I began to worry: The Lord is holy, while I often live in sin and can’t break free of the bonds and control of sin. Going on in this way, can I gain the Lord’s approval? Can I enter the kingdom of heaven when He comes?

In 2015, I came to South Korea with my husband. Besides paying tithes, we dedicated money for thanking and for building every month. Because we donated over one million KRW every month, the pastors, elders and deacons all valued us. They always greeted us with smiles, while they gave the cold shoulder to those believers who donated much less money. Seeing that pastors and elders disdained for the poor and fawned over the rich and couldn’t treat people fairly, and that their actions were the same as the worldly people, I felt fed up with them. I thought they couldn’t keep the Lord’s teachings and lived in sin, so how could they lead us to cast off sins? Can we behold the Lord when He returns? I was extremely disappointed and puzzled. I could do nothing but pray to the Lord and ask Him to have mercy on me and to lead me.

My Husband Brought Back the Good News

The Lord is faithful. He listened to my prayers. One day in February 2018, after returning home from work, my husband was in high spirits and said to me happily, “The Lord Jesus has come back.” I felt astounded, so I asked him, “Really? How did you know? Where did you hear about this?” He replied, “I have been to The Church of Almighty God to investigate it. When I first heard the brothers and sisters there say that Almighty God is the returned Lord Jesus of the last days, and that He was incarnated to express His words and to do the work of judgment beginning with the house of God, my heart was filled with confusion. Then they read a passage of Almighty God’s words to me: ‘Perhaps, having heard the way of truth and read the word of life, you believe that only one in 10,000 of these words are in line with your convictions and the Bible, and then you should continue to seek in that 10,000th of these words. I still advise you to be humble, to not be over-confident, and to not exalt yourself too highly. With your heart holding such meager reverence for God, you will gain greater light. If you carefully examine and repeatedly contemplate these words, you shall understand whether or not they are the truth, and whether or not they are life.’ I came to realize this: When studying the true way, one must first hold a heart of humble seeking. Only in this way can I obtain God’s guidance. Moreover, after returning home, I kept recalling what they fellowshipped. I thought it was all in accordance with the Bible and very reasonable. When I went there to listen to their message a second time, they asked me to see a number of movies produced by The Church of Almighty God. What they fellowshipped in the films were the questions that had puzzled us for a long time, such as what is the root of our keep sinning, what is the way of resolving sins, what path should be followed in man’s belief in God, the difference between following God and following people, etc. All these aspects of the truth are made very clear. Besides, there are various kinds of videos, such as dancing and singing, short sketch, comic crosstalk, and stage performance, and so on. Through these many kinds of artistic performances, they show a variety of testimonies and the knowledge and harvest that they gain from experiencing Almighty God’s work of the last days. …” I was attracted by the words of my husband and thought, “Could it be true that the Lord Jesus has returned?” Next, he showed me the film “Stinging Memories” from The Church of Almighty God. Then I managed to quiet my heart, and saw it while at the same time praying to the Lord.

A Gospel Movie Resolved My Doubts

In the movie, Brother Wang said, “The Lord Jesus did forgive our sins. But it doesn’t mean we don’t have sins, or we’ve broken free from the shackles of sin and become holy. The Lord Jesus has forgiven our sins. But what does the ‘sins’ mean here? We all know things like fornication and theft, which are against the law, the commandments, and God’s word, all are sins. All things that resist God, condemn God, and judge God are also sins, not to mention blasphemy against God, which is an unforgivable sin! In the Age of Grace, the Lord Jesus made Himself the sin offering for mankind. Only if men pray, confess, and repent to the Lord could they not be condemned or put to death. In other words, God no longer took them as sinners. And due to His forgiveness of their sins, mankind could pray to the Lord directly and enjoy His grace. This is the real meaning of ‘sins are forgiven.’ Although men’s sins are forgiven because of the sin offering of the Lord Jesus, it doesn’t mean that they will no longer sin or resist God. This is because their sinful nature still remains, and they can still resist, betray, and make enemy with God. How could such people be qualified to enter the kingdom of heaven? Just like Almighty God’s words say, ‘A sinner such as you, who has just been redeemed, and has not been changed, or been perfected by God, can you be after God’s heart? For you, you who are still of your old self, it is true that you were saved by Jesus, and that you are not counted as a sinner because of the salvation of God, but this does not prove that you are not sinful, and are not impure. How can you be saintly if you have not been changed? Within, you are beset by impurity, selfish and mean, yet you still wish to descend with Jesus—you should be so lucky! You have missed a step in your belief in God: You have merely been redeemed, but have not been changed. For you to be after God’s heart, God must personally do the work of changing and cleansing you; if you are only redeemed, you will be incapable of attaining sanctity. In this way you will be unqualified to share in the good blessings of God, for you have missed out a step in God’s work of managing man, which is the key step of changing and perfecting. And so you, a sinner who has just been redeemed, are incapable of directly inheriting God’s inheritance’

“The redemptive work Lord Jesus did was only to forgive people’s sins, but it didn’t resolve their corrupt disposition. The satanic dispositions like arrogance, selfishness, greed, and craftiness still remain within them. These corrupt dispositions are something deeper and more stubborn than sins. They are also the root of man’s sinning and resisting God. If these satanic corrupt dispositions are not resolved, people will still often sin and resist God, and still judge and condemn God by their imagination and notions. In persecution and tribulation, they will still deny God, and even betray God as Judas. When given the position, they will form their own kingdom to fight against God. Some even will steal God’s offerings and offend His disposition, and will be condemned by God and perish. Now, most pastors and leaders in the religious world do not follow the  Lord Jesus’ words. They misinterpret the Bible willfully, saying that man’s words in the Bible are God’s words. They exalt man’s word rather than testify the Lord Jesus’ words. So the believers all worship and follow man, having no place of the Lord in their heart, and are controlled firmly under their influence. Especially when the returned Lord Jesus does the work of judgment, these pastors and leaders not only refuse to seek or investigate, but condemn God’s work, judge and blaspheme God. They also fabricate rumors to deceive the believers and seal off the churches, making enemy with God publicly and offending God’s disposition. This is the biggest resistance against God. This is an unforgivable sin! Their evil deeds are far more serious than those of the Pharisees who resisted Lord Jesus. (Yes!) This proves that before man’s nature of resisting God is resolved and his satanic corrupt disposition is purified, he can still do any evil against God. Then how can such a person enter God’s kingdom? Therefore, according to His plan of managing and saving mankind, and also corrupt mankind’s real needs, God expresses various truths in the last days. He begins the work prophesied in the Bible that “judgment must begin at the house of God,” to solve the key problem that corrupt mankind is controlled by his satanic nature. In this way, man can gradually get rid of his satanic corrupt disposition, and no longer disobeys or resists God, and can truly obey and fear God, thus being purified and entering the kingdom of heaven.”

After hearing Brother Wang’s fellowship, I understood the root of our sin: Actually, our sins have just been forgiven by the Lord Jesus, but our sinful nature is still deeply rooted within us and hasn’t been cast off. So, we still commit sins and confess them repeatedly, and can’t break free from the bondage of sins. The sinners like us can’t enter the kingdom of heaven.

When continuing to see the film, we heard Brother Zhang read the word of Almighty God, “When God becomes flesh this time, His work is to express His disposition, primarily through chastisement and judgment. Using this as the foundation, He brings more truth to man, shows more ways of practice, and so achieves His objective of conquering man and saving man from his corrupt disposition. This is what lies behind the work of God in the Age of Kingdom.” “By means of this work of judgment and chastisement, man will fully come to know the filthy and corrupt substance within his own self, and he will be able to change completely and become clean. Only in this way can man become worthy to return before the throne of God. All the work done this day is so that man can be made clean and be changed; through judgment and chastisement by the word, as well as through refinement, man can purge away his corruption and be made pure.” Then Brother Zhang said, “From Almighty God’s words we can see that in the last days, God expresses the truth to judge and chastise corrupt mankind. All the words God judges man with are the expression of His righteous disposition, and what He has and is, and the words that can be man’s life. Therefore, they are all truths. For corrupt mankind, these words of truth are judgment themselves. They’re chastisement, condemnation, searching, and purification. With the word of truth, God purifies the satanic disposition within corrupt mankind, and solves their nature and substance of resisting God. This is the significance for God to purify, save, and perfect man with judgment. … Meanwhile, He also thoroughly discloses man’s nature and substance corrupted by Satan, the truth of his corruption and the root of his sin. Then man reflects and realizes that his nature is the very nature of Satan, and sees clearly that his living out is the likeness of Satan, the devil, so he truly repents, willingly accepts God’s judgment, chastisement, trials and refining, and pursues the truth and transformation in disposition under the leading of God’s word. And he gradually breaks away from the bondage of his satanic corrupt disposition, rebels against Satan thoroughly, leaves the darkness and returns to God. Man’s nature of sinning is therefore resolved radically.”

We repeatedly watched this film three times. After that, I thought the truth about which they fellowshipped was very clear and explicit. In addition, I found the way of breaking free of corrupt disposition; that is, I must accept the judgment and chastisement of God’s words. Only in this way can I be free of my corrupt disposition and be purified by God. Only Almighty God’s words can change us; only those who follow His work can be saved and be made perfect by Him. In the past, I was always vexed that I had lived in sin and that I constantly committed sins and then confessed them but couldn’t find the path of getting rid of sins. I wondered: I am incapable of setting myself free from sin, so I will be forsaken and eliminated by the Lord when He returns. Now, after reading the word of Almighty God, I felt that there was hope of ridding myself of sins.

Seeing Through Satan’s Harassment

When I had read and studied the words of Almighty God at home for three days, my husband just believed in God for five days, yet he read God’s words and saw films more than I did. Therefore he was already certain that Almighty God is the return of the Lord Jesus. He got worried about his sister and brother-in-law who were also Christians, wanting them to catch up with God’s new work as soon as possible. So he told the good news of the Lord Jesus’ return to his sister who was in China, and to her husband, who lived in South Korea. Unexpectedly, not only did they not accept that, but they together with their pastors blocked us from examining the true way. During those days, our phones were very busy. The pastors and my sister-in-law gave us calls all the time. They all said I was deceived. This was because I just started believing in God and didn’t read much of God’s word. After hearing their words, my heart began to shake. My husband knew what I thought, so he fellowshipped with me, “These people made phone calls to disturb us. You have to see through Satan’s trickery. Don’t you remember the Lord Jesus said: ‘I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man comes to the Father, but by me’ (John 14:6)? In believing in God, if we wish to enter the kingdom of heaven, we must follow the words of the Lord Jesus. Only He is the gate of the kingdom of heaven. We ought to pray to God more often and read His words more, and should not follow what others say. Think back to when the Lord Jesus appeared and worked. Having no own views and firm stance, when the Jews saw Him perform miracles, they didn’t seek truth from it, but instead blindly believed the rumors of the chief priests, scribes and Pharisees. Consequently, not only did they lose the Lord Jesus’ salvation, but they resisted Jesus along with them and eventually were punished and cursed by the Lord. We should learn lessons from their failure. Now, I have already been fully convinced that Almighty God is the returned Lord Jesus. Thence, regardless of what they have said, I won’t waver in my resolve to believe in Almighty God.”

What my husband said awakened me to the reality: Yes, the people who believe in God must submit to His words. I have seen so many words of Almighty God, movies and videos. I have confirmed from my heart that the word of Almighty God is the truth. I must have my own position and opinion, and should not waver easily. In each age, when God appears and works, there are always some antichrists who rise to disrupt, condemn and resist God’s work. The Lord Jesus once said that God would reap and winnow, and separate the wheat from the tares, the sheep from the goats, and the good servants from the evil ones. If I have no discernment and blindly follow Satan’s evil forces, will I not become the tare revealed by God and be eliminated? With this thought, my wavering heart finally quieted down.

Certain About the True Way, I Feltl Joyous

Later, I formally came to The Church of Almighty God for investigation. The brothers and sisters gave us a warm welcome, read the word of Almighty God to us, and let us watch videos and films. I got to understand many truths which I had not understood before, and started to have faith and strength inside. From then on, after coming back home from work, we saw the films and videos of The Church of Almighty God every day, for example, the gospel movie Who Is He That Has Returned, religious persecution movies The Conversation, To the Brink and Back, and so on. Each one of them made me receive great benefits. I was moved by the faith through which brothers and sisters would rather die than quit following God. Have a think: When brothers and sisters suffer the CCP demons’ torture, if it isn’t for the appearance and work of the true God, or God’s guidance and protection, who could bear this up? At the juncture of life and death, they were able to uphold loyalty to God and had such great faith. Weren’t they conquered by the word of Almighty God? Moreover, The Church of Almighty God has been constantly suppressed and oppressed by the CCP government, but God’s kingdom gospel is expanding like a raging fire and has spread throughout the universe. What comes from God must flourish! I was more convinced that Almighty God is the return of the Lord Jesus.

What I didn’t expect was that a sister in our church called us when she knew we had believed in Almighty God. She said that she had watched online the films and various videos of The Church of Almighty God for a long time, and that she dared not tell anyone because she was afraid of interference of pastors and elders. Thank God! It really is the case that God’s sheep hear His voice! Now, she has come to The Church of Almighty God together with us. We attend meetings and read God’s words with the brothers and sisters, and fellowship and share our own experience and knowledge with each other. Our church life is free and liberated! It’s full of life and vitality here and is completely different from the desolation of our previous church. Thank God for His salvation! Under the watering of God’s words, I “grow up” day by day. I have more and more faith in being cleansed and saved.