#Immature and cruel for the sake of being cruel

[azuresins]

The juxtaposition between these two scenes with his respective aunts is really something... (ramble under the cut)

There's so much that can be said surrounding the circumstances of both of them, before these separate interactions occurred. ... I have to wonder, if Madam Red were more sincere, and supportive of his choices, if he would have been a little more receptive to her head-pat, concern, and motherly affection... The answer is yes. Aunt Francis praised him for his bravery and support sincerely, and he was receptive to her touch and affection and let him call her 'son', he said nothing about coddling because he didn't perceive it as such. She wants him to continue on his path and to gain strength... He's also happy and grateful that the servants thought of him and put together a birthday party. I'm also paying attention to Sebastian's expressions, as well. And I find it interesting that Madam Red had a conversation with Sebastian and asked him to stay by Our!Ciel's side, after her respective interaction with her nephew... While Francis, prior to her own interaction with Our!Ciel, was ASKED, by Sebastian, to be Our!Ciel's exemplar. A firm role model. Because he doesn't want Our!Ciel to get to arrogant and mistaken in his belief that he can't lose.

[transgaysex]

my emotions are all over the place

[3dfangs]

girl if you think the vampire ascended is evil you just think ast-rion is evil. point blank end of discussion. that part of him is clear and its not fully from his trauma. his just kind of a cruel mean guy sometimes. he has the capacity for softness but he mostly just likes to watch people suffer for his own gain. think about it girl.

[unconventional-lawnchair]

" Dinner Party "

Part 1

Mattheo Riddle x Fem!Potter!Reader

Masterlist

Summary: The Potters throw a dinner party; Mattheo meets the family}

Wc- 4142

Cw: Use of {Y/N}, Harry is a bit of an arse, cussing, sexual themes cussing, just a bunch of fluff and yearning}

Taglist- @helendeath @2dloveshp @hatakemrs

“Well.” Lily spoke slowly. “Look at us now.” 

Lily looked over at you just in time for you to glance up and meet her eyes. She smiled sweetly before she continued. “I think its sweet.”

…

The tension in the room was slowly beginning to ease. You couldn't help but feel a bit of hope grab hold of your chest. Your eyes flickered between your mother and your father. James, of course, ever protective, still held a look of drastic offense as Lily spoke up again. “I know you're a smart girl, I raised you myself. I knew your partner would be a sore subject.” 

She reached her hand over and placed it over James’ leg. She smiled at him, a look to try and convey everything running threw her head at once. They are kids. Our angel will be okay.

“Why? Did you.. not trust my judgment?” You asked cautiously, your hands slowly fisting the cloth of your pants. 

Lily quickly shook her head. “No, no, nothing like that. Quite the opposite.” She mused and turned to look at James who had closed his eyes and began to even his breaths.

“We used to joke you were perhaps meant to be a Hufflepuff. Darling, you have always seen the best in people, even when others couldn't really see it.” Lily offered and James scoffed. Your mother gave a small grimace before she spoke carefully. “Love is complicated. I can attest to that.” She began, eyeing James as if warning him to challenge her. 

“But love is beautiful. That night, at dinner, was the first time I've ever seen you talk back to us. I was distraught, and I am sorry I reacted the way I did.” She began to fiddle with his pant leg between her fingers. Speaking before you could continue. “It was immature. And if this boy puts so much fire in you, I want to at least meet him.”

Your body stiffened and your eyes widened. Looking between your father and mother as you stammered and tried to stutter out something. “M-meet you guys? We've only been dating a few months now.” You tried to defend.

You loved Mattheo, but he wasn't exactly house trained. He was raised by a house elf and saying the Malfoy’s tried to help raise him would be an exaggeration at the least. He could be polite, charming, he was well mannered when he wanted to be, as he had a smile that could take breaths away. 

But he was also Mattheo Riddle, and the idea of putting him in a room with your father, the other most hotheaded boy you knew, was a terrifying one. Mattheo didn't take kindly to being reminded of his father. It felt cruel to put him in a boxed up room with the very people his parents tried to kill. Not to mention, he got emotional when it came to families. 

You acted like you didn't notice at first, for Merlin's sake you were head over heels for this boy. You would sit in his dorm room, bare to your core and tangled together under the sheets. He would be holding you from behind like you were a vice, telling you about his dreams of a family with love like yours. When you would mention your family, he’d grow tense but stay his stoic self when you would ask. 

It wasn't hard to read him like a book, especially since Mattheo basically read it for you. He had changed a lot in the last few months you'd been with him. You used to fight horribly the first month. He was still so used to his single status, he hadn't really had positive expectations set on him. You explained to him what you wanted, you were patient, then he started to talk and communicate with you more efficiently, copying your behaviors to mimic your maturity. He loved how happy you looked when he improved himself, the praise sick boy wanting any bit you'd give him. When he told you he quit smoking, he let you drown him in praise and kisses, using withdrawal as an excuse for him being more handsy with you.

You soon learned from his friends that he had quit months ago, when you first told him you hated them, the cheek. He didn't even have the sense to look guilty when it came to light, just seemed so damn proud of himself.

In all honesty, it was hard not to adore him. Even when he was being a little arse. You had fallen hard for the loaded gun, and he obeyed you like you were the trigger. That being said.. he was still Mattheo, meeting your parents seemed like a bigger step than when he would drag you under his sheets with a silencing charm. 

“What? Don't want him to meet us?” James spoke up, and you snapped out of your thoughts. He sounded almost hopeful, like you weren't entirely serious about him. You gave him a pout and Lily squeezed his thigh tighter. 

“Do you think it's too soon, lovely?” Your mother asked patiently and you bit your lip. The last thing you wanted to do was lie to your mother. Lying to James was easy, he was a bit of a push over when it came to you, and you never lied about anything truly groundbreaking. But Lily, she had been your best friend for years. She was your mother, your confidant, and she knew more about you than anyone else. Probably helps that she's known you since you were welcomed home.

“... I am just scared.” You admitted and James’s expression shifted to soften. He sat up a bit and Lily gave him a soft smile.

“Why?” Your mother prodded and you curled your knees to your chest. 

“Just.. he's never had this.” You gestured around you. “He can be a bit.. reactive when it comes to stress?” You tried to offer the information carefully and James frowned hard.

“Reactive as in?” He leaned closer and your eyes flashed open wide. 

“No, Merlin, he would never. Not to me.” You tried to defend and the look on your mothers face made you realize what you said.

“That's not- no, I don't mean it like that.” You quickly tried to back track. Lily sent James a smirk. 

James looked at her with a furrowed brow and a slight pout. “What?”

“Just reminds me of how I tried to defend my choice of partner to my parents. Then, to your parents.” Lily laughed and James bit his cheek but smiled to see his wife so happy. You watched the two and your heart throbbed a bit. You loved your parents so much. You wanted that with Mattheo. Were you moving too fast? It was likely. Could this go horribly wrong? Most definitely. 

“Okay.” You spoke up and your parents turned to you “I'll invite him.”

~~~

Mattheo was at the Lestrange manor alone, as usual, but this summer was far different. He usually would busy himself with his friends, going to pointless balls the Malfoy’s insisted he attend, sneaking off with pureblood girls he didn't even remember the names of. Or better, going drinking with his mates from school.

This summer was killing him. The silence of the manor used to bother him before, every footstep sounded like thunder, every breath he made echoed in his ears, but now? Merlin. You came from a loud family, you didn't know the pain of it. When he was with you, the louder things weren't always bad. You always talked a bit louder than him, played music in his dorm with his unused radio, talked to him while you ran your fingers through his hair. It was easy to like the louder things now. He hated quiet.

The silence just reminded him you weren't there. He didn't even remember when his nights spent alone with witches of different backgrounds became nights of desperate yearning for you. Neither of you had said it yet, but even if you were just talking now, he didn't intend to keep it that way. He didn't want anyone else. He couldn't have anyone else. And the idea of you with someone else? He'd rather die.

Theodore Nott had been lettering him to try and get him out of the hell house, but the idea of you lettering him back when he wasn't home ate him up inside. Pansy called him whipped, when he lettered her to ask if he had done something wrong. ‘It’s only been two weeks, let her settle.’ Out of all of his friends, you clicked with her the easiest. It didn't help that he got a bit jealous when you talked to his male friends. He's never cared this much.

He was sure you've had to have hexed him.

Slipped him Amortentia.

Or soaked your entire body in it. 

Maybe it was mixed into that lovely perfume of yours? 

He groaned out and covered his face, leaning back from his desk into his seat. He let his arms go slack at the sides of his chair and looked at the ceiling. He was pathetic, but he wasn't scared of it this time. He liked feeling weak, if it was for you. He bit his bruised bottom lip and turned to look at the window. What would you think of him now? Sitting about with nothing to do but need you. He needed the heavenly haze you gave him. He liked to worship you, like you were all he was beyond his family. 

Two days after he had sent that letter, he was starting to wonder if you had realized your mistake. That being with your family reminded you that Mattheo Riddle was no one. Someone who should remember he was no one. Not worth the time you spared him day to day, that he was just some phase. He didn't know if he could recover from you. He might just throw the towel in if you didn't want him. Who could recover from a love like a prayer? A love that made him think of you like it was a threat. You were a threat. To his sanity. To his reputation. To his status. 

And he was a threat to you. Obsession, he had to agree with Draco. You are an obsession.

His thoughts were thrown out when he noticed something coming into view through his window. He nearly knocked his chair over as he stumbled over to open it. The Potter’s Owl.

~~~

“You're invited to the Potter’s Residence for our first dinner party of the year,”

Mattheo thumbed over the invitation in hand. He was shocked when he first read it, not only did he never expect to be invited to the Potter’s, he definitely didn’t ever expect you to tell your parents enough about him to be invited. He was excited, thumbing the invitation over and over.

He had groomed himself properly, he was in a button up shirt and a green vest, his hair was almost tamed. He was holding the invitation, raising his knuckle to knock on the door.

You snapped to attention from where you were looking in the mirror. You were wearing a deep forest green dress, the one you knew Mattheo loved, and your dad seemed to take that as a personal offense, dressed in his red dress shirt that matched your mothers dress.

“I still don't like this.” Sirius grumbled from his seat on the couch, and Remus rolled his eyes from where he leaned in the doorway. “A bit late, darling.” He mumbled as he watched you walk down the hall to open the door.

Lily requested Harry and James set up the table, leaving just you and her in the immediate room.

You took a deep breath, looking at your mom before she nodded and you turned back. Opening the door you were a bit startled to see Mattheo so put together, you had to remember that he was raised as pureblood royalty, you just never figured you'd see him so done up. You bit your lip a bit and he chuckled at this, snapping you out of your daze. You quickly stepped aside and he walked in, wrapping one of his arms around your waist and pulled you flush against his form, not having noticed Lily yet. 

“I missed you, beautiful.” He whispered, leaning forward to kiss you. The second his lips touched yours, you sighed. Like he unwove every bit of your tense frame with just his touch. You couldn't remember a thing, not why you were so worried, where you were, and how your mother was watching you. For ten whole seconds, with just his soft careful kiss, he had made you dumb. He took a sharp breath and sighed after you, stepping closer.

Lily noticed the signs as it got a bit deeper than just a greeting kiss, and she quickly cleared her throat. You quickly pulled away in a fluster, and Mattheo just followed your lips to give you another quick peck, before he pulled back and gave Lily his dazzling look. “Mrs. Potter, right?” He mused and you had to catch a whine in your throat when he stepped back. He held his hand out and Lily moved to shake it, but instead he took her palm and kissed the back of her wrist. “You have a lovely home, ma'am. I can't say I'm surprised, {Y/N} had taken on your style.” He mused and Lily smirked at him.

“So you've been to my daughter’s dorm, hm?” She asked cheekily and his eyes widened and his face dropped. Like a guilty puppy. “I-”

Lily laughed and waved her hand. “Please, don't feel the need to explain. I'm only joking.”

Mattheo blinked a few times and slowly smiled. You and Lily were a lot alike. It looked like he had an ally already. He let go of her hand and stood up straighter. Waving his hand a bundle of Orchids appeared and he offered them to her. “Well, thank you for welcoming me.”

Your heart swelled at the interaction. Maybe tonight wouldn't be horrible. 

“Riddle, hm?” 

Well, it was fun while it lasted.

Sirius stood in the doorway of the parlor room, staring down at Matheo with a harsh glare. Mattheo met his gaze with his usual dissociative state. “Sirius Black, sir? It's nice to meet you.” He mused and offered him his hand. Sirius looked down at his hand then back to Mattheo. Riddle sighed and moved his hand down to his side, a bit startled when you walked up and took it for yourself. 

He smiled at you like a love sick fool, and Sirius felt his lip twitch at the look.

Remus seemed to see it too, ever the helpless romantic, he bit his cheek. Trying to hide a smile. 

Now, Remus despised the idea of you bringing a Riddle into the family. He hated the idea you would possibly, one day carry the last name of the monster that was Tom Riddle. But those thoughts left his head when he saw how you rested your head on his shoulder, your fingers playing with his, like a practiced art, knowing exactly how to soften the blow of rejection from your uncle.

Suddenly, Mattheo was giving that bright smile again, and you felt a bit cocky to be the one to give it to him. Pressing your lips to his shoulder and you peaked over it but just stared at his profile.

“Nice to meet you, again.” Remus mused, offering his hand and Mattheo’s smile only grew, taking his hand and shaking it firm. “Thank you, Professor.”

He shook his head. “Remus is fine.”

Sirius gawked at him in full offense, having lost himself to the boy's charm. 

Before Sirius could make a snappy comment, Lily spoke up. “Well, I'm sure you're hungry, let's go get you fed, hm?”

“Yes ma'am.” Mattheo responded in kind, before glancing down at you by his shoulder and wetting his lips. Leaning down to steal another kiss, Sirius scoffed as he passed you two to get to the table. Remus followed behind him, as Lily waved the two to their seats. 

“Not much for a dinner party, hm?” He mumbled to you and you gave a small laugh. 

“Not all of us are as extravagant as your family.” You teased and he gave a wolfish smirk. “I think you forget, your father is James Potter, famous for his parties if I remember.” He teased and you rolled your eyes before biting your lip. “Yeah, yeah.”

“Not to mention, even if he seems to hate me, Sirius is my family.”

You narrowed your eyes before your eyebrows jumped upward as you pieced together his family tree. Right. His mother was Sirius’s cousin. It suddenly sunk into you just why Sirius seemed to be taking this so seriously. Mattheo was a mix of the two things he hated most, his family and Voldemort. Must be hard to believe anything good could come from those two things.

You shoved the thought away. He could get over himself. You weren't going to throw away everything you and Mattheo were because Sirius couldn't get over his bias. Your father too.

Once you and Mattheo walked into the dining room, it seemed to be going well. There wasn't much conversation between Mattheo and your family, you found yourself talking to each other. Updates on your lives, him whispering how much he missed you, taking every opportunity to drown you in his affections. You were a flustered mess, but smiling the brightest you've had in days. It was like an addiction, his attention. 

You didn't notice Lily's attention on you two, too wrapped up in Riddle. He was the same, looking at you like you were the last person in the world, like you were worth falling for. He sure hoped so, because he was approaching the ground rapidly as your eyes danced his features. It reminded her of something, turning to look at James and was met with the same look as he tried to start up another Quidditch conversation with her. She simply rolled her eyes fondly. How could he not see what was happening?

“So.” Lily spoke up after her conversation with James flickered out. She spoke in a tone that demanded attention. “How did you two meet? When did this start?” She offered and Mattheo bit his cheek and looked at you, for the hundredth time that night. You smiled and looked back at your mom.

“Well, Professor McGonagall asked me to help a student study during lunch periods. I had no clue who it was but I figured it couldn't hurt.” You mused, conveniently not bringing up the bribe. “Then it kind of.. changed. Eventually it just became casual study dates. Like one, I was teaching him how to summon a patronus and-” You lit up as bright as a star as you began your story, before Harry scoffed. Your face fell a bit and you looked over at Harry with a furrowed brow.

Mattheo had to resist the urge to snap at him for taking away such a view.

He looked up at you with a glare. “I've just never met a Death Eater who could use a patronus is all.”

There was a thick silence that filled the room as your jaw went slack. You tried to figure out a way to steer the conversation elsewhere, mouth growing dry.

Lily tried to speak up but Mattheo beat her to it. “Sorry to disappoint, still haven't it seems.” He cheeked and you looked back at him with a laugh. Your mother gave Harry a look that certainly meant danger for him later. Harry didn't even seem to care, just scoffed.

“He summoned a Fox.” You informed your mother and her mouth fell open a bit, her smile brightening. 

“Is that true?” He prodded Mattheo and he nodded. “Yes ma'am.”

Lily looked at James with raised eyebrows, amused, and he shook his head before clicking his tongue. “So. Heard you were in the Quidditch team, what position?” James finally and reluctantly joined the conversation. 

“Beater, sir.” Mattheo mused and smirked, eyeing Harry from the corner of his eye. “Seems someone still miffed over the bludger he took a few weeks ago.”

“Your team cheated.” Harry challenged quickly and Mattheo gave him a wolfish smirk. “Did we? Or is that the only way you'd accept that we got the cup?”

“Watch it, Riddle. I'll make a fool of you next season.” Harry quipped and it actually sounded almost playful. You gave a scoff and Mattheo chuckled. Figures they'd bond over Quidditch of all things.

“Really? A beater?” James spoke up and Mattheo looked over to him with a nod. 

“Sirius was a beater too, we were a fierce team.” James mused and leaned forward. “We created this move…”

Their voices faded out, and you smiled at the scene. It was cordial, almost friendly, as the men at the table talked about the sport with enthusiasm. Well, all safe for Remus who started talking to your mother about a new book recommendation. You just watched how Mattheo seemed to fall into place in your family so easily, and how happy he seemed about it. 

Way too soon, the night was over, and Mattheo was leaving. You and your parents walked him to the door, and he turned to face you.

“Thank you again, Mrs. Potter, the food was amazing. And Mr. Potter, thank you for allowing me to come over.” He mused and your mom shook her head. “Please, anytime sweetheart. Call me Lily.” 

Then, much to your surprise. “Call me James.” Your father mused and took his hand into a firm shake.

Mattheo had this startled look on his face, thrown for a loop before he quickly recovered. “Y-yes sir. I mean James, yes James.”

You giggled and before Mattheo could be given any more surprises, you walked up and hugged his arm. “I'll walk him out of the apparition wards.”

“Don't be gone too long-” James began before Lily covered his mouth and shooed you both off. “Go! We'll be here.” She reassured you.

You pulled Mattheo out the door, leaving Lily to smirk up at James and he groaned. “Okay, the kid isn't that bad.”

“You too!?” Sirius shouted from across the house and Lily laughed. 

~~~

You walked with Mattheo, managed to get just a few yards from the house before his lips were on yours. He had stopped completely, wrapping his arms around your waist and almost toppled you over when he leaned over your frame so easily. You let your hands slide up to his biceps and he gave a low groan, pulling away before he got too far. 

You took a sharp puff of air and steadied your breathing. Your eyes met his deep dark ones. He was looking at you with something so familiar and yet it was hungrier than you'd ever seen before. “Mattheo-”

“Tonight was amazing.” He whispered and took your lips again. This time, you actually managed to prepare yourself. Your hands slipped behind his neck and into his gelled hair. Pouting into the kiss and he smirked. “What?”

“Your hair. I hate it like this.” You mumbled into his lips, not wanting to break the kiss. Mattheo laughed and pulled his wand from his pocket, waving it to return his hair to his naturally fluffy glory. 

“That better?” He teased, giving a toothy smirk as he watched you lick your lips clean of him. 

“Much.” This time, you started the kiss, earning a low yelp from him. He chuckled and pushed you against the wall of your fathers property. Hands roaming lower, as you tilted your head back, his new target being your neck.

“You’ve been driving me mad all night, ya know that?” He breathed against your collarbone, fingers fiddling with the end of your dress. “Had to look your father in the eye tonight, and you still wore this? All I could think of was the last time you wore it.” 

You gave a low gasp when his fingers lipped just under the small skirt. “M-Mattheo-”

“I've missed you, beautiful. The last two weeks were torture, you know that? Know what you do to me?” He mumbled against your skin. Your eyes grew hazy the more he spoke. Like he was controlling you with his words. Suddenly, his head snapped up and he looked just past you. 

“Huh. Do you guys have a dog?” He asked and you snapped out of your trance when you heard a loud roar from behind you. “And.. a stag? You have dogs and deer on your property?” He asked and you simply covered your face and gave a loud groan.

“Dad!!”

[velveetacrackncheese]

I know it's been like forever, but are you still a fan of Viv and her work

Honestly when it comes to her, no. Even if there's some things I've learned to appreciate in some of her more recent stuff (Except Hazbin S1, I thought it was genuinely awful and the more I think about it the more disappointed I truly am with it.) my main gripe is that it seems that Viv still treats people like crap. My opinion of her has continuously waned over the years from someone who was obsessed and having had a parasocial relationship with her and her work, to the point where I felt obligated to defend her for the sake of the "fandom" back then. Pretty wack behavior coming from myself honestly, and like I said I was a prick! I treated naysayers and critics of ZP like garbage, and while there was venom being flung towards me and other fans as well, some of it also being cruel and uncharitable, I can't pretend I didn't contribute to the toxic culture emanating from her fanbase. It's very interesting to see that the more modern incarnation of Viv's fanbase is arguably still just as toxic, but on a bigger scale. People no matter where you go, and regardless of when in time, seems to have a strong opinion of her. Either love her to death or hate her to the point where that becomes its own obsession. Well, unless you've actually had a connection with her, it seems like you're either one of her favorites, or someone who she burnt bridges with.

There's of course the genuine non-drama stuff, like ohhhh fuck dude, she drew some weirdo shit which I could honestly care less about. There's reasons to not like her, and it isn't that. It's not even really her work period, but more so allegations regarding how she's difficult to work with, cruel to certain past associates to an almost comical degree, and is still pretty uncharitable to even her most charitable critics. The stuff with KenDraws kinda was the nail in the coffin for me, transphobia is not going to get a pass from me, sorry! I don't know how true this is in particular, but how The Hunicast was treated after the Hazbin pilot also left me with a pretty real sense of disgust. It's wild seeing a show like Hazbin Hotel flourish through A24 and Amazon, all the while trying its damn hardest to cleanse itself of its indie roots. Apparently donations to the Hunicast was used to fund the pilot, and after the pilot it kinda seemed like Viv just didn't really appreciate how much they contributed to that project. Honestly, I don't think Hazbin would be what it is today without The Hunicast.

That, and of course there being all the dollcreep stuff, the way that the fandom at the time wrongfully demonized dollcreep and took Viv for her word to the T, following what was a highly uncharitable read from fans which led to harassment despite the drama between the two being personal, and that being made into a public concern when it reallllllllllly should not have been. Transphobia also being an abundant issue in this regard. JoJo as a character was created as an extremely petty way to bash Jo and in hindsight, is incredibly revolting, and ohhhhh also transphobic. The Erin Frost situation, in which of course featured Viv devotees to also take her testimony as uncharitable and lies despite having never worked with Viv herself. Employees being paid like... what, $35.00 per second of animation which is crazy. So not only a toxic work environment, that toxicity just festering cuz Viv herself is toxic. Her tendency to seemingly just bully the people she surrounds herself with, hell even getting people blacklisted apparently? I'm sure there's a lot more I can get into in all honesty, and what's being mentioned here is barely scratching the surface! There was a point in time where I had agreements with what were, back then, blogs dedicated to critiquing Zoophobia and in hindsight, yes, there was a lot to rightfully criticize. Lot of stuff in that webcomic was genuinely not great and despite the immature attachments that I had back then, there were points I'd openly conceded to. Which led to Viv blocking me, and that led to me being pretty sad! Honestly thought I'd did something wrong or that I like... "Betrayed" her which is fucking insane. It was something I ruminated on for literal weeks. I look at my older posts on here and it's so fuckin clear that I was not mentally stable, at least to me, and that was reflected in the wild ass shit I was saying. I'm glad I've changed but dear god I was such an asshole, and it's crazy to think that I was some kind of figurehead in the fandom at that time. Nobody should've been looking up to me, cuz holy shit I was a stupid teenager.

Also, generally speaking, this doesn't have much to do with Viv as a person as much as the early fan community surrounding her work that existed from like 2015 into 2018, particularly on tumblr, but I'd developed relationships with other people in the fandom that led to some pretty traumatizing experiences for myself and for others that I knew personally. I won't get into details about that, but the culture for the fandom at the time housed some SERIOUSLY sketchy people, and there were people who were just open and active groomers. Zero accountability for any of that btw, yeah awesome fucking community, guys. "Like and Reblog if you're a true fan." jfc.

So uh, yeah. Naw I can't say I'm much of a fan, and I'm not convinced that she's actually some nice, pleasurable person, who conveniently stumbles into situations where her alleged good nature is CONSTANTLY put into question due to actions that are pretty well documented and accounted for. I've still watched Helluva Boss episodes, although at this point it feels like I'm beating myself because I've progressively grown more disenchanted with it as time has passed on. Despite that, it's still Spindlehorse's best stuff. I say Spindlehorse in particular because while I don't really respect Vivienne, I respect the crew who are the backbone of those episodes. Hazbin has some narrative themes that I'm not particularly fond of, the pacing is a mess, and the character writing is not good. Characters have entire musical numbers dedicated to them despite either serving a very minor role in the story or just being absent for the entirety of the season. I'd go on and list my gripes with ZP, but it feels weird to bash something that is nearly a decade old now. Probably doesn't represent Vivienne's current capacity for craftsmanship, visually speaking, and in regards to the writing; Were I to go back and review what those old critique blogs had to say, I'd probably add onto them instead of being as dismissive as I was.

Also, something I can attest to personally, and you'll have to take me for my word on this, but I used to be a $50 patron to her Patreon. One of the benefits was that you got to be a part of her discord server where she'd chat with fans once a month and I got to be in a few of those vc chats. I recall her being petty even then, and if my memory doesn't fail me, there was a time where she like... called someone's older brother a f*ggot because he insulted Kesha and her general preferences in music lmfao. She genuinely got upset and all teary over that confrontation and ended the call early, and the other people in the vc were tryna comfort her. Looking back that now, feels so.... weird. Shit, I mean charging people so they have the chance to just talk to you, monetizing that feels weird, and kinda gross. Wish I could have my money back for that, ngl. No Bueno.

[queen0fm0nsterz]

Hey. I knew you're mad at Otto for hurting Noone and Noone deciding to join Nowhere, but have you ever considered hating the Ferryman for being the main reason why all of this started?

Like this man took away Otto's sister, Cici (Sisi? Cece?? or whatever the hell you spell her name as) away from him and making him obsess for answers, then later in Otto's life he met Noone and realize she is going through the same thing his sister did and became insane and thanks to that, Noone distrusts him and became an easy target for the Ferryman to take her away too and making Otto the bait to catch more children.

Blame can be on both sides. In this case, blame definitely is on both sides.

I understand your point of view, and you are right to say that the Ferryman was the one who started all this. But was it right of Otto to push Noone so far into the Nowhere that she "decided" that it'd be better to leave with the Ferryman than to stay with Otto? Who, mind you, deceived her multiple times, repeatedly breached her boundaries over and over again, used her and admitted that he was using her (when he said "I still need her" to the Ferryman taking Noone away) AND who did not show a single ounce of remorse for what he had done?

No. Of course it was not.

The Ferryman is the cause of the trauma. Otto's obsession with him is understandable, frighteningly human. So much so that I find myself disliking him because I have met people like Otto in my life. People who are nice on a surface level only to reveal later on that they capable of being manipulative and cruel, all under the pretense of past trauma causing them to act the way that they do. Trauma is not a justification for one to act like a piece of shit - an explanation, yes, but never a justifier. Which is exactly what Otto does.

You know who else in TSON has trauma and doesn't act like a dickhead? Noone. Noone, the victim in all of this, stuck between a kidnapper who will bring her to her doom and a man who is pushing her into the kidnapper's arms only to cry wolf when she calls him out on it.

I also find myself more upset with Otto rather than the Ferryman for another variety of reasons.

Firstly, I was not expecting anything from the Ferryman. We know how he operates, we know he's not a force of good; he's a liar and a kidnapper, literally a monster, taking children to their doom when they are at their most vulnerable. He was a bad omen from the very beginning and I never expected him to be anything more. Of course I hate him as a person and what he stands for, but considering where he started, I was not surprised to see him do what he did.

But Otto was different. Otto could have been different. He could have been an example of someone who manages to, if not overcoming, at least face their trauma with a positive outcome for both his own sake and Noone's. But no. He let himself go down a road so atrocious that he is now no different from the monsters we see in the Nowhere while not even being there.

Otto is a regular guy. He's not insane and he did not become insane. He, like everyone, has his own set of bad traits. He can be impatient, harsh, dismissive, insistent and immature. At the same time, he also has his good traits: he used to have a morale, kind, understanding, intelligent and friendly. All these things make up him as a person. As he said to Noone: once you are with someone long enough, you let out who you really are. And he did just that. He let his bad traits get the best of him. And as sorry as I feel for his circumstances, I really cannot bring myself to forgive him.

I suppose Otto let us down, like he let down Noone. And the Ferryman is the guy in the white van with its doors open, but Otto is the guy who threw Noone inside and watched it drive away.

He's a wonderfully written villain. My disliking of him as a person does not stop me from really enjoying his character! I do think he's the second best written LN antagonist.

[liyuee-qixing]

"In fact; I'm fucking terrified."

Scenarios: Characters with GN! MC freezing as a trauma response.

Characters:Satan, Leviathan

C.W/T.W: Trauma, implied abuse, implied abandonment issues. might be ooc

DISCLAIMER!!:i DO NOT romanticize depression,trauma,or any mental health in any ways,as I suffer from it too for the past year. This fic was made with no intentions to insult any person or community.

Author Note:my head is so dizzy I'm might pass out

Satan

Gehenna,a country with more violence tendencies than the other,a cruel country with it's people fist made of iron. Not to mention the nation streets were filled with Angels and bodies decay,the smell of old blood fill in your lungs in just any seconds you step in the alleys and streets.

You should've used to it by now,you better be used to it. But you didn't,when Satan or Sitri killed an angel right Infront of you, usually you shut your eyes tight,but this time.. it was different.

The angel blood splattered right Infront your eyes,the gory scene you were forced to see is enough to make you feel like puking,just enough for the past experiences to play back in your mind.

You cannot hear Satan or Sitri words,hells,or shout,you freeze there,the now broken,gory description of the angel body were right Infront of you,the smell hit your nostrils,inhaling,exhaling,your eyes started watering.

"maybe if I was a better child.."your trains of thought were quickly read by Satan,he immediately know that your actions was a trauma response.

He jumped Infront of you,taking your hand in his,as he wipe your tears away,not with panic.

"look, we're in this together, it's all will be alright"

He made sure from the day on, you'll never feel something such as bad to yourself,to never remember the shady blood tainted past of your,to forgot an old scars.

"how are you?" "I believe you" "take it slow" sweet affirmation pouring from his mouth just ensure your comfort,his hand finding your hair to stroke in a meanwhile.

Leviathan

You've heard worse; useless,ugly, undeserving,was nothing new to you, it's a daily things you receive everyday on your plate,you always gulp them down without fighting back, without any words, without telling anybody; because you have no one. Your body slowly reduced into a jar of unstable emotions with passing days.

Why are you surprised when Leviathan words were stabbed into you at right that moment,you thought you were used to it by now? Did you seriously thought Leviathan is going to protect you,just as he said? How dumb,in the end you'll have no one,again,nobody,your breath hitched as more of his insult fell down from his serpent tongue

You? The descendants of Solomon? The oh so great king of kings? Crying because you thought somebody is truly your friend and now insult are seeping through his mouth? How immature,you reflect no great ruler of all kings,your eyes twitching trying to suppress your tears

Say something,but your lips quiver and tongue back away, desperation is eating you alive,the results of not having any friends and being bullied come rushing stabbing at your heart,that sure to bleeds, without realizing, you're already crying Infront of the great leviathan,silently, without any sounds,you just stood there,in middle of the room,hands reaching out for him,but not moving.

You wanted to scream,yell,beg for him to not leave you,the look of concerning did not fit his handsome face,his insults stopped for a seconds,as he stare at you blankly,you wanted nothing more than to scratch your skin,tear it apart and disappear,you want nothing more than to not feel the way you feel right now.

"I need to do better for you"

Levi might not know how to immediately deal with you suddenly freezing,he'll let one of the nobles deal with it having to put his envy down for a moment just for your own sake

Though it seem dumb and childish for him,he tries to ensure that he is your friend from your point of view,he tries to not insults or say things that he doesn't mean or know wouldn't end good,doesn't mean you can have another friend though

"ermmememrmrm this is ooc as shit" how do you feel if I shove 60 tennis balls down your throat>_<

[mysticbewitched]

To my beautiful anons: I know that you told me to ignore it, but I must speak from the heart and say how I feel. I cannot keep how I feel bottled up inside any longer before I choose to go on a break.

My message to this community:

There are now rumors being spread about me. I’m being called: condescending, immature, and someone who acts superior - all because my words are being twisted to fit false narratives by people who do not know me.

Rumors are being spread all around because of a complete misunderstanding that got way out of hand.

First of all, I never ever called any bloggers here morons. I called the excuse to mock, tear someone down, and make fun of somebody on public blast moronic because I find that kind of behavior to be childish and insanely cruel. 

Whether the situation involves anyone from any kind of community on here taking time out of their day to intentionally put someone down in order to make themselves look superior and feel better about themselves.

Yeah, yeah, it’s the internet and all those rebuttals. Well, duh. I’m well aware, but does that make it kind? For an entire community that claims to be all about awareness and compassion, there’s a huge lack of self-awareness surrounding the intent behind some actions and it seems to be devoid of compassion.

It is exactly what it is: immature and childish behavior that only shows deep levels of insecurity. Whether that insecurity is in themselves or their own views. I'm just calling it out for what it is.

Secondly, I called certain concepts that I disagree with stronger and blunt terms such as: ridiculous, nonsense, etc - because I’m allowed to have my own opinions and views about things I disagree with.

I want to make it crystal clear right now that none of those terms were ever directed or aimed towards any bloggers. 

I never called any bloggers here: ridiculous, nonsense, moronic, etc.

Those terms were all about certain concepts that I disagree with and have a different view on.

The hypocrisy around here astounds me:

It’s perfectly okay and acceptable for this community to put me on public bash mode, spread rumors about me, and mock me for thinking differently and having my own unique perspective, but God, it’s so outrageous and absolutely unforgivable for me to have an opinion about the concepts that I disagree with.

How did I become the villain?

What’s that all about? How does any of this make sense?

I want to clear some things up: 

Let’s start from the beginning, shall we?

This ridiculous drama all started because I shared my thoughts - God forbid I do that on a platform that is solely designed for you to share their thoughts and I brought everyone to the attention about some mockery and making fun of people on public bash mode for the sake of humiliation in this community that I have noticed going on more than once and that somehow made me a villain.

I personally knew someone and I was friends with her. She was harassed to the point where she felt the need to deactivate her account. Why was she harassed and mocked by a community that claims to be so kind? She had a different view that went against the collective standard.

Now I do not know who was all involved in the situation and my message was never directed towards any specific bloggers here in the first which people have twisted into false narratives. 

{While we are on the topic, you do realize that there has to be countless bloggers in this community, right? They’re everywhere and there’s probably more around here than you could ever count. It could have been anybody and the fingers were never pointed to any specific blogger.}

I found out again that the same situation happened to another blogger who was harassed to the point of deactivating her account.

My message was about the mob-mentality as a whole collective in this community because from the sidelines, I have noticed a repeating pattern play out.

I feel that there’s a whole unspoken condescending attitude of superiority and spiritual immaturity lingering in the atmosphere of this community as a whole and it has to be hushed.

We’re not allowed to talk about it.

If you dare talk about it - people then come after you and paint you as the villain.

This is what started a fire and then guess what happened? I became public enemy number one.

All because I spoke out on the atmosphere of this community as a whole:

I became the one who was harassed and called “immature” for speaking out about this and validating the experiences of my old friend and the other blogger who went through the same thing.

But I’m the immature one.

I’m the condescending one.

Right, okay. Well, let me get things straight.

I witnessed with my own eyes: anons bringing up my posts with the intention to mock me and humiliate me because it was clear that they felt they were better and “more spiritual/enlightened" than I am.

{ A "who's more spiritual" battle? Really? }

I saw posts made about me by people who don’t even know me: calling me immature.

Now I’m having rumors going around from people who don’t know me at all: calling me someone who is condescending and acts superior.

You want to know why people now think that I act condescending and superior?

This was all because during one of my civil discussions about the disagreement between views, I called out the anons who thought it was cool to mock me and I wanted them to know that I wasn’t blind. I could see exactly what they were doing and I was laughing at their attempts to mock me and humiliate me.

But I’m the condescending and stuck up one who acts superior and immature for standing up for myself? 

Sorry, but if you think it’s ultra-cool and perfectly acceptable to publicly mock someone with the intention to humiliate someone - going as far to lurking on the person’s account to link it on another blogger’s account with the clear intention to mock and shame that person: 

It only shows your character and the undeniable fact that you are an insecure individual who gets off on wanting to tear people down and humiliate them. You only make yourself look like a fool.

What happened to nonduality’s philosophy of: all is one? You defeat the philosophy you claim to follow at that point. That’s what was so funny to me about the situation and how that one post was just blowing up in flames with traffic.

You know, if anyone came to my account with the intent to mock or humiliate another blogger for the sake of fun - I would shut that down real fast because I do not play those games around here. 

Unlike some people in *any* kind of online community, I do not feel the need or desire to put others down in order to make me feel better about myself. In fact, that type of behavior is never and has never been welcome on my page. 

So let me get this straight: I’m not allowed to call out the cruel treatment that is hushed and swept under the rug in this community because nobody wants to talk about it, but it’s perfectly acceptable and okay to publicly bash people with the intent to mock them and make fun of them. 

Is this what’s going on here?

I can hear the outlash now.

“People can have their opinions!” Of course, I agree with that notion completely, but I would call such actions childish mockery and the intent to humiliate someone.

Speaking of opinions, what about my opinions and my own views to share? 

What about my own perspective?

Oh, that doesn’t count. Right. 

Because apparently I’m not allowed to acknowledge God/awareness for what it is since I don’t follow the concept of removing labels when referring to the nature of awareness, but it’s perfectly okay and acceptable for others to do the same.

I’m just the only one around here who is not allowed to do it, right.

It seems here that I’m also not allowed to share my own perspective without being accused of spreading misinformation. Right, cool.

“This is not what nonduality/AD is all about”

“You’re spreading misinformation-”

I thought there was no such thing as concepts or philosophies. You can’t have it both ways.

Another thing to add, it seems to me that I’m not allowed to share my own thoughts and views in the space of my page without being told that my views are wrong and theirs are right.

Or the way I share the philosophy of nonduality is wrong and only their way of teaching is right.

Here’s what I want to say about this:

You do not have the right to tell me how to run or share this philosophy on my page.

Seriously? All because I choose to keep the labels around and enjoy creating my own reality from knowing my true self as God while acknowledging the existence, incredible beauty, and deep meaning out of the physical human experience? 

Somebody tell me what the issue is. I have to be missing something here because I just cannot understand what the problem is.

I’m not in on the joke. What is the issue?

What’s unbelievable to me is that we’re constantly told to turn within, right? I completely agree with that piece of advice. We are supposed to turn within and come to our own answers about realizing the nature of awareness in order to shift our perception.

Well, that’s exactly what I did and I found my own answers that I feel could help my followers and transform their lives. This is all I’m trying to do here.

I am simply doing things my own way because what has helped me and transformed my world may open the doors for anyone who comes across my page. I am only offering a new and unique perspective to consider.

I don’t care if you approve of the way I share nonduality’s philosophy or not because I am not here for you. I do not need your approval.

I hear what your demands are loud and clear: share the philosophy of nonduality the way you teach, remove the labels when referring to awareness, stop teaching manifestation, get on board with the pointers, and the list goes on.

Well, you hear me: You don't own me and you do not have the right to police what I can and cannot share on my page.

I was perfectly fine with the civil discussions at first, but with all the spread of rumors about me now and people saying that I spread misinformation all because I’m offering a new perspective: this has gone far enough and I’ve had it.

I’m done with the games.

I am never going to cave to your demands and force myself to change myself or my personal views because that’s what you demand of me. I will never be what you want me to be.

For a spiritual community that claims to be kind, open-minded, and accepting: I find it to be very bias, hypocritical, and controlling in terms of its entire attitude as a whole when it comes to the way this philosophy of nonduality and oneness is taught.

Because all I’m hearing is: “things must be done/taught in a certain way or you’re excluded.”

Hear me out now and listen to me closely:

▪︎ I’m not going to remove the labels and concepts and I will acknowledge awareness as awareness.

It is not limiting to acknowledge awareness by its label while recognizing its limitless, boundless, and omnipotent nature. To say that it is - is a contradiction, especially when we take into account what the definition of true and absolute omnipotence means.

(Yes, in its true form: awareness is nameless, but in this human experience the label for awareness is awareness and that’s what I will call it.)

▪︎ I’m not going to get on board with the pointers. I find it to be robotic, tedious, and passionless. It doesn’t resonate with me or speak to my heart. 

I am only going to speak from the depths of passion and follow my heart because that is what feels right to me.

(If I have to hear the concept of pointers one more time then I may bash my head against the wall.)

▪︎ I will not be vague or keep my descriptions short. My approach is about being direct and clear. This is just the way I naturally speak which is in a more formal nature and I prefer to break things down for my followers. This is something they appreciate and I am here to inspire my followers.

▪︎ I’m going to continue to share about the aspect of manifestation because it is directly tied into nonduality's philosophy. The human form is a manifestation, and the whole human experience is a manifestation. All of this is a manifestation itself. 

The whole entire nature of human existence and reality itself is all an elaborate manifestation from awareness. You cannot share the concept of nonduality without acknowledging manifestation.

▪︎ I’m going to embrace the beauty of the human experience because it is deeply meaningful and beautiful to me. I will not ever promote the idea that everything is meaningless or pointless because there is now deep meaning, treasured moments, and value in the entire human experience. It is a gift.

To summarize it all, I am going to share the philosophy of nonduality in a way comes straight from my heart and passion for it. 

I’m not going to share or teach the philosophy of nonduality the way you want me to and if I have a certain outspoken opinion on a concept I do not agree with then I have the right to share my views on the concept I don’t care for.

Go ahead, exclude me. I will happily wear the crown as the black sheep around here who dares to think for herself and stay true to her views.

Exclude me, mock me, and think whatever you want about my views. I really do not care what you think of me. I am not here to please you.

I will not be pushed around and told how to share this philosophy on my page. That’s where I draw the line. My page is my own safe space for me to share my views with the intention of inspiring.

I am more than confident enough in my own views to the point where I do not feel the incessant need to pressure another to bow down and change their perspective to conform to the collective’s standard way of sharing this philosophy.

Let me ask: If one is truly secure and confident in their own views or perspective on their page then why is there a need to control or pressure to change how other bloggers share their own views?

That right there to me just reveals insecurity and a lack of confidence in your own views and teachings. You should always remain confident in your views regardless of what anyone else thinks of you.

So from now on, if anyone comes onto my page and tries to police how I run things then they will have to be blocked. I have the right to be left alone in peace and free to run my page however I please.

With all that said, I guess I have become the villain around here because of my outspokenness, my stubborn loyalty to my views, and refusing to have the way I run things on my page controlled or pressured to change to conform to the demands.

But you know what? If I’m the villain now, I’ll just wear the title proudly with a pair of black cool shades because people are going to think what they want to think anyway, right?

You can’t please everyone and at the end of the night, people will draw their own conclusions whether they see the whole situation with their eyes open to listen to the individual’s side of the mirror or clouded by their own false narratives.

Now to end things here:

Speaking from the voice of my true self: 

Nonduality is supposed to be filled with kindness and compassion for all since we are all one and interconnected. This beautiful philosophy is meant to deepen one’s empathy and compassion for others which leads to a more profound way of relating and connecting to each other on a deeper level as one. We are all here to connect with each other as one and achieve our greatest potential from realizing our true self as divine and unlimited awareness while having the time of our life living by and sharing this empowering philosophy of oneness. 

I just want to say that I wish everyone here in this community nothing but love, happiness, and compassion on their own spiritual path. We are all one as divine awareness and unified with all of existence at the end of the night and I find that to be such an incredibly beautiful truth.

Lastly, I want to send a whole ocean of love to my precious followers who I consider to be my family. 

I will always have your back and support you the same way you’ve had my back and continued to support me throughout all the madness. 

I love you all very dearly from the bottom of my heart and there are no words for me to describe how much your loyalty and support to me has remained throughout all of this. It has meant so much to me and your messages of kindness and understanding throughout these rough times touched my heart. You have been a light in darkness for me and you guys are the absolute best. 🖤

By the way, to show that manifestation is a fundamental aspect of nonduality - read this.

Now I am going on break for a little while and when I come back, the posts will continue and it will be a brand new fresh start for everyone.

I have said all that I needed to say and I wish to put all of this to rest now. Much love to my followers. 🖤

[reel-fear]

Happy Disability Pride Month! Please don't support SCAVENGER ON THE WIND

CW for body horror, disturbing imagery and paranoia triggers below!

I know a lot of people are probably excited about this MAP

It's one that came out recently and got a lot of views fairly quickly. However, as you can see it features body horror and disturbing imagery in its thumbnail.

This is dangerous and not okay for multiple reasons. For one. Warrior Cats is a series for children, children are not good at handling disturbing imagery nor body horror. It could give them nightmares, stress, or even trauma in the worst cases. See stuff like Smile HD and other shock horror using children's media that is luckily now commonly frowned upon.

That's not to say all horror using children's media is unethical just that it 1. Should come with a prominent warning that it is not for kids and 2. Shouldn't feature shocking content in the thumbnail as anyone who could be triggered or disturbed by that content can't prevent YouTube from showing it to them. This video breaks both rules.

This is the only warning the MAP has. It mentions nothing specific that could actually trigger someone and doesn't even bother to label itself as not something kids should consume. This warning has all the usefulness of opening a game that tells you "This Game Contains Scenes". I'm sure many of you are thinking it could just be a simple and easy-to-fix mistake...

However, the host is not interested in fixing any of this despite people politely pointing out these exact problems. Which I will show soon.

Another important thing is that generally making horror content should always be done with caution. You shouldn't include anything too graphic or disturbing in your thumbnail and oftentimes it's preferred you keep it very tame. Doing otherwise could cause people with particular triggers to have a horrible reaction to them.

Sadly disabled people are already really ignored and stepped over in a lot of horror communities, analogue horror is sadly a very prominent one. People with physical disabilities are often tagged as "Body Horror" with no consideration to how hurtful that label could be to them and sometimes even used as disturbing images to jumpscare you in stuff like games inspired by Mandela Catalogue.

the mentally ill are only treated worse both by fans of horror and by horror content itself. This treatment actively contributes to their discrimination in real life, which is why it's so important to listen to them on topics like this. Sadly it doesn't seem like this host cares for them at all.

This extremely defensive and immature post was made in response to these incredibly polite and kind comments.

These people were:

Super polite

Offered solutions to this problem.

Were just trying to prevent harm coming from people who might find the content in this MAP disturbing.

The replies they received were none of the above. Funky and Erlkremling [A prominent horror WC artist] both dismissed these concerns with Erlkremling being particularly rude to them.

This is dangerous but most of all shows an extreme lack of care or regard to those who suffer from mental disorders.

I myself tried to point this out, only to get even crueler comments from the host and Erlkremling.

This is to put bluntly, fucking cruel to those who suffer from these problems. Why is it that when Cheetah Z has flashing lights that could harm people it's a problem but saying 'don't put disturbing imagery in your THUMBNAILS which nobody can prevent from being shoved into their dash' it's too far to compare them?? This is so blatantly treating mentally ill folks like their issues, their struggles, THEIR SAFETY FOR FUCKS SAKE, is less important than their 'actually disabled' counterparts.

They are literally admitting this is a problem, that other popular horror medias in this fandom suffer this problem. But instead of seeing that and saying "oh my god, I'm contributing to a running problem of ableism in this fandom I should stop." They're saying "Well if those other people ALSO think a png is more important than disabled people's safety surely I'm in the right!"

The absolutely apathy towards the suffering of disabled people has genuinely brought me to tears just thinking of the way they replied to me. THIS IS OVER A PNG, A THUMBNAIL THEY COULD TAKE JUST A FEW HOURS TO REDRAW, that fucking image to them is more important than the safety of disabled folks. Happy fucking disability pride month to you too btw.

To put it bluntly, if you see this situation for the upsetting awful mess it is I would highly suggest not supporting this MAP and letting the participants know what kind of behavior they are associating themselves with.

Here's a link with all the map parts, tell the participants what kind of behavior they are encouraging by taking part in this project.

Here's the og map call, tell the host how unacceptable and cruel this treatment of the mentally ill is.

Sadly unless there is a big backlash, it's very unlikely any of these creators will care about those they have affected. I honestly can't even describe how horrible all the things they have implied in these comments is.

To try and argue some people are just 'too mentally ill' to belong in internet spaces is HORRIBLE, they want people they deem 'too disabled' to simply NOT EXIST in online spaces. This is literally them fully admitting some disabled people simply don't belong in public spaces, don't deserve to be heard in online discussions and are simply not as important as other disabled folks when it comes to making things accessible for them.

I've been genuinely losing sleep over this at times, neurotypical people just have no idea how stressful, how upsetting and how hurtful it can be to know you're considered 'lesser' than other 'actually disabled' folks. To be trampled and spoken over, spoken to like you're NOTHING on these issues. So please from the pleas of a disabled artist in this space.

Please, Please reblog and spread this, on this month above all else we should be focused on stopping this kind of behavior.

Just because it's a consistent issue in this fandom doesn't make it okay to spread it even more. In fact I am inviting anyone reading this, if you see gore, body horror and general disturbing imagery in a thumbnail please inform the uploader of the real damage it can do to the mentally ill. Sadly, I put off posting this for a long time, because I didn't think anyone would listen or care unless I did it this month.

That's just a sad reality for a lot of mentally ill folks, in online spaces we're silenced. We just have to live with that a lot of the time, but I'm not gonna let this slide on a month dedicated to people like me and those who behavior like this hurts. Neither should you.

[practicalmagicintuitions]

Just a rant, I know people really want the best for HC & they're really invested & emotionally attached with his Fs concept. But look what they're asking of the supposed Fs- this actor comes from a strong financial background & connections, has been around a lot, is having a child with someone, for someone they call Fs she may not have these & she'll supposedly heal such an immature privileged guy. Shes just being setup for complications &predicaments. All while he may still want his free life.

You are such a gem babe! This is so aligned with the previous answer I just posted.

Babying a grown-up is messed up enough but this whole " I can fix him" thing is so gross and stupid. When people say this irl or about a celeb I always ask them to flip the coin and have a different perspective. First of all, you do not really hear those women wish an "I can fix her" mentality guy for messed up women like Paris Hilton or Lindsay Lohan were or like Britney nowadays. Second, why would you wish a nice girl stuck in a relationship with a man-child waiting for change? Isn't that cruel? What kind of low self-esteem girl would wait for a guy to be a man instead of a child? This is where we say " don't date potential". Just don't. For your own sake.

At this point maybe everyone should accept that the imaginary HC is not real. He showed who he is, believe him. Do not expect him to be more. He is not. People want him to be better or accuse NV making him bad because they do not want to stan an ordinary man. They want an idol, a god. He is far from it. A false god maybe. It's not about HC or his happiness, this is about fans being delusional. By their standards, they should have been cancelled HC a long time ago but they are not willing to, so they are lying to themselves.

FS readings are insane, mostly because so many insert themselves in it or predict characteristics of the girl they have or they find important. I think that is the least serious topic you can read on. It false from the get-go.

I was a bit of rambling, forgive me. I hope you still got some answer. :)

[jitterbugjive]

So, some people may have noticed this but I didn’t say anything because I didn’t want to bring attention to it and I wanted people to just assume it was someone theorizing. But it appears someone from my ex friend circle whom I had trusted with certain details of how Discord Whooves would end decided to stoop to a lower than low level and ruin the ending for anyone who stumbled on their posts that had been made on a blog made specifically to post spoilers and tag them with common tags Discord Whooves uses. I’m sure it was out of sheer spite towards me and the people who dared to support my work.

Saying bad things about me and things I’ve done and said, okay that’s justifiable. But going out of their way to take something I once trusted them with because I thought we were close friends, and then throwing it out for the world to see out of revenge against me and anyone following me? That’s just petty, immature, and a really low blow to make. Even if I really hated someone, I would never reveal their harmless secrets to the world just to get back at them. There’s a chance to be the better person, and at least have some code of ethics to know when it’s going too far. I deserved to be called out. I didn’t deserve to have my 12 years of work undermined by a vindictive person who can’t move forward, and my fans didn’t deserve it either because they are not even involved in this drama.

There is a point where revenge goes too far and one crosses over into just being villainously cruel.

It’s sad, and really pathetic that someone thinks they have to do everything in their power to screw me over in some way instead of trying to actually recover and get past the point of obsession over wanting to get back at me all the time.

I’m sorry the whole world isn’t against me like you want it to be. I’m sorry a lot of people believe in recovery and the fact that I feel terrible enough already about my shitty actions in the past and am doing everything in my power to avoid anything like that happening ever again. I’m sorry I’m not being bombarded by hoards of angry people calling me names and telling me to kill myself. I’m sorry my feeling horrible isn’t enough to satiate you and all you want is to see me suffer.

It’s been years now. YEARS. For the sake of your own mental well being, just cut me out of your life completely and stop obsessing over me. You already won. I am constantly in a state of panic thinking of this shit and how else it’s going to come and bite me in the ass. I lost the comic website I depended on, I’ve lost a huge chunk of my readership and no longer really have my ‘popular’ status. (very rarely get fan art, not being bombarded by asks constantly, no longer receive fan mail, original projects aren’t catching on very well) Selling commissions has gotten increasingly more difficult. My insomnia is worse than ever and I have to take heavy duty sedatives just to sleep because my mind won’t stop spiraling about this stuff. I cannot go a single day without feeling guilt, regret, self hatred, and doubt and wishing hopelessly that I just never did those things. I have severe trust issues and have almost no one I can feel comfortable enough sharing anything personal or story related with which was just made even WORSE by these recent actions, and I haven’t been able to form new bonds with anyone in years either.

I know I hurt you badly, I know what I did was incredibly wrong and irresponsible, and I don’t know how it’s affected you over the years but this rage and anger is not good for anyone. I don’t hate you. I just want you to be able to move on and learn to be healthy and happy and no longer stuck thinking about me and how much you hate me and want me to fall. I don’t want to be hurting you by just existing and trying to move on with my own life, and I wish there was something- ANYTHING I could do to bring you peace.

But the only one who can ultimately bring you peace is yourself. So you can keep on trying to claw and bite and drag me down with you, or you could be the better person and try to just move forward and put the past in the past where it belongs.

I’m not mad. I’m just incredibly disappointed. I would have thought you were better than this, but I was wrong. I was wrong to ever even trust you as a friend, and I wish we were never friends to begin with, or even ever met, and I’m sure you feel the same way.

[2kyo7]

𝐂𝐀𝐈𝐌; 𝟎𝟑

metkayina!reader x avatar 2

"DO NOT FORCE YOURSELF ___," Ao'nung held a careful hold on either of your shoulders as both of you float a ways away from everyone else, watching the forest na'vi dive into the ocean. He looked you over with care, scared you would lash out at any moment. "I, Rotxo and Reya will teach them—you only need to watch." To watch the foreigners infiltrate your ocean home deeply unsettled you, but your tongue was held nonetheless, for if the waters could accept them—you could tolerate them. Watching from a distance as they dove inelegant from the docs, Neteyam and Lo'ak were first, their sisters following suit.

You shook your head at Ao'nungs concerns, reeling his hands away from your body to hold them in your own. "Grandma will find out one way or another, there is no use in avoiding them."

In the distance you could see everyone getting along quite nicely, though maybe in loneliness or distaste you couldn't help but notice something stirred within yourself at their smiles, seemingly enjoying their new surroundings.

Ao'nung only twisted his features in anger, he hadn't known Tawmì can be this cruel of a woman, even to her own. He brushed his temple against yours—just as he had always done, but this was different, he stalled a little longer, wether for your benefit or his. "Worry not, oeyä Ao." Your voice wavering with uncertainty.

oeyä - my

"___, AO'NUNG! Hurry over!" Rotxo called out from a distance away, him and Tsireya could be seen watching over Toruk Makto's children. As you approached your friends, you took note of how the na'vi adjusted to their new surroundings. Very sloppy, you think, their bodies swam awkwardly against the water, and they were often fast to retreat towards the surface for oxygen.

But at the very least they seemed curious, taking in all the foreign creatures and plants which adjacent them. You continued to circle them for a few moments more before joining your fellow Metkayina above. Rotxo crying in surprise when your arms wrapped securely around his neck, "what will they do first, they are ready, yes?" Tsireya asked through damp lashes, looking to you for an answer. She respected your opinion greatly, despite the immaturity you'd shown to the Sully children, you were named the Clan's best swimmer after all.

Rotxo struggled to free himself from your grip, paired with constantly being submerged in and out of water. Finding yourself so busied with Rotxo, you barely registered her words. "Oh...um, no. Toruk Makto's children are not yet ready for teaching." There was only a brief second when you halted your roughhousing, Rotxo took this opportunity to get the upper hand and flipped backwards, the action taking you by surprise.

You released him as Tsireya grasped at your hand, but before she could speak she'd been cut short.  "Why not? We're willing to learn...even if it's you." Kiri spoke in protest, the rest of her siblings lingered behind.

"Watch your tongue jungle freak." Ao'nung hissed in your defense, he stood as a barrier between yourself and the forest na'vi. "You are stupid and slow, it would be impossible to teach you anything." Lo'ak hissed back, "and watch how you speak to my sister, fish lips." Both Ao'nung and Lo'ak hostilely began to swim toward the other. Neteyam held back his brother by pushing him in the chest, and yourself held onto Ao'nungs bicep along with Tsireya smacking him alongside the head.

"Ao'nung, do not fight for my sake, I know to fight my own battles." You watched as his heavy breathing began to settle, placing a gentle hand where Tsireya had struck him. "I couldn't stand and watch as she disrespected you—she has no right."

"And I thank you, but you are the Olo'eyktans son, what would people say if they caught word of this, what would your father think?"Ao'nung only shook his head side to side. "I don't care what others have to say of me, only you." He moved deeper into your touch—looking to you as if he'd been put under an enchantment, feeling like your heart would explode you turned away from Ao'nung. "You are a skxawng, you know?

Approaching the na'vi with extreme caution, you raised your arms high in the air, as if surrendering. "I come in peace, children of Toruk Makto." Kiri held her sister tightly as you came closer, Lo'ak was still heated about the situation, arms crossed and his posture rigid. The only one to meet you halfway was the oldest, a crooked smile lingering on Neteyam's lips.

"On behalf of my ignorant siblings, I apologize." For a short moment he nodded his head to show his apology was genuine, and that he too meant no harm, "Your apology has been heard—oldest of Toruk Makto."

"But..." he trailed on, "why will you not teach us? To my understanding that is the reason for us coming here."

"You question me?" Your eyes narrowed, you didn't mean to sound annoyed as you did, nonetheless Neteyam recoiled at your tone. "The currents are stronger today then I thought—the fault would be on me if any of you got swept away." Neteyam chuckled softly at your supposed kindness, despite the hard exterior front you'd previously shown. "Ah I see, you wish to keep us safe."

Your gaze shifts away from the fish that had started to make contact with your body, composure completely fading at the thought of caring for these aliens. "M-my grandmother told me there would consequences for not..that is the only reason."

Neteyam hummed in acknowledgement, seeing as your mind had once more gone off to another place, following your eyes to his sisters playing. "The youngest, what is her age?" The sudden question surprised him, what shocked him even more was the softness your eyes held as you observe them. "Tuk? She is seven." You nod among hearing his words, "is she happy...here?"

"She is trying, just like the rest of us—why do you ask?" Neteyam couldn't help but notice a sadness to your gaze as he spoke, one that you shallow out by splashing water onto your skin, "that is good, I will teach your family to swim another day. kìyevame."

Kìyevame - goodbye

Before he could say anything more, you dispersed into the comfort of the waves, leaving Neteyam absolutely dumbfounded. Why had you been so interested in his sister? He could only wonder, and hope answers would come joining everyone else as they splashed and played in the water.

As the day came to close everyone began to depart into the amenity of their pods alongside family. You of course did the same, met by scents a mix of...well...everything, to some the smells would be overwhelming but after being around them your entire life you became accustomed, some you could even tell apart. "Kaltxì grandma, are you well?"

Tawmì greeted you with a quick and simple peck atop side of your temple, dashing within every corner of your shared home searching for needed ingredients just as she always does. "This tribe is working me to death for the sake of eywa—don't be surprised if one day I collapse from exhaustion!"

Huffing loudly you begin to release your catch for the day and start preparing dinner, "Really? I recall an old, wise na'vi telling me: we all have a role that we must be fulfill without compliant." You indirectly mocked the healer with her own words, she also released similar sounds of resent. "Don't get smart with me girl." Tawmì smiled, grasping your ear with a playful tightness, "you are not one to speak."

The two of you laughed in union before the conversation took a shift, "talking of roles, how were the Sully children? A difficult task I presume?"

You feel heat rise throughout your body at the mention of them, you'd almost forgotten amidst your happiness. "I could not teach them today, they are not yet worthy of learning." Tawmì noticed the instant drop in your mood, she knew this adjustment would not be easy for you, but certainly didn't expect this much of a protest. She could've sworn you were raise better.

Placing down her tools, Tawmì took a seat beside you on the floor, watching as you aggressively skinned the fish, nearly cutting yourself in the process. With a long sigh she snatched away both the fish and knife, prompting for you to instead watch her make dinner while she spoke. "Did I ever tell you how I flew overseas to the omatikaya clan?" Resting your head on her shoulder softly, you folded into snug ball of limbs. Something you'd always done as a child and still do now. "No." Shaking your head slightly, not so much as to disrupted its careful placement.

"Hmm, a many years ago before your birth—the exact one Jake and Neytiri come from," Tawmì starts chopping the fish into more manageable pieces, continuing her story. "I needed a special herb that would go on to save many of our people, and their clan welcomed me with wide arms despite having deep connections to the sky people."

As you observed how skillfully she dismembered what would later become dinner, you also listened intently to her words, having yet to find purpose in the story. "During my time there I met Jake, who told me of the worlds beyond pandora and his past life."

Quickly your head rose from her boney shoulder, bewilderment obscuring your every feature. "Keltsun grandma! You plltxe nìtsleng!"

Keltsun - impossible

Plltxe Nìtsleng - speak falsely or lie

Tawmì grasped the forearms of her grandchild tightly, "Hear my words clear girl, he was one of the sky people! An avatar, but he proved himself worthy, chosen by eywa herself and granted new life." Your confusion only grew, searching anywhere but Tawmì's stare for a answer. A sky person? Chosen by Eywa? How can that be? Thoughts running wild in an array of emotions and memories.

"The difference they have from us is small, you should understand what it is like for something to be taken more than any of us. Show eywa that the gift you were given will not be wasted. Treat them with kindness, they need you, ____."

[dufferpuffer]

What do you think about James as a character? You haven’t spoke much about him

Coz I don't really care for him. Uh... I think his most interesting aspect is how Harry relates to him. He is a man who has touched many peoples loves, and everyone has a different angle of him - which is cool. Everyone saw a different side of him... and impart that onto Harry, in some way.

Harry is James' most interesting part. What Harry imagines him to be, based on what everyone says and what he wants from a father... that's the coolest shit. I love Harry so much. Harry is the best parts of both of his parents - and also their worst parts, but better. He has matured past his parents. They were only 4 years apart in age when Harry saw them last. They were more his peers than his parents at that point. Fuckin' lovely.

James himself...? He is meant to be a disappointment, in a way. Harry thinks all these great things about him - but then through Severus and through neutral sources like letters he finds out he was immature, mean, selfish, irresponsible... And for a boy like Harry, who has looked up to these invisible whispers of how great his dad was, mainyl for what he DID rather than WHO he was... there's alot of juicy stuff there.

James became an Animagus. He saved Snape once. He was great at Quidditch. He could cast a patronus. He got the girl of his dreams. He was so nice to his friends. He was a pureblood but not shitty. ...But he was also an ass.

James still had his good points, of course - but Harry outgrows all of them. He is more then James ever was. More then Lily ever was. James was most important to Sirius and Lily most important to Severus - but Harry becomes more important than both of them. IDK if what I'm saying makes sense....

A privileged rich boy with many freedoms. He does what he wants, when he wants, how he wants. He is a jock and a popular kid and feels invincible... and he never really grows past that. He doesn't get much chance to. (though Harry puts him to shame by 17)

His bullying behaviour was sadistic and cruel. Judgemental and unforgiving. Might makes right. He was a good friend to the underdogs he deemed to be 'the good ones' - but he was always the judge. HE is allowed to run around hexing people in the halls for fun. HE is allowed to talk to other students like they are scum. HE is allowed to sneak around for the sake of a bit of adrenaline. But if anyone he doesn't like does the same thing...? Bad people. He is a hypocrite... but he was also a teenager.

I have no doubt he grew out of some of that stuff - but we don't get much proof of it. As an older teen/adult he is still acting selfish, immature and irresponsible. It's just more cheeky than sadistic. I think James and Lily having Harry mirrors Lupin and Tonks having Harry - that it was an accident during the height of a war. He has half the bloody Order dedicated to the protection of his family - and he is still going on sneaky walkabouts for a bit of fun. I have no idea why he didn't have his wand on him when Voldemort came - not that he could have done anything, but he is a WIZARD!!! when do they EVER put them down..?! Especially when on high alert?! What were he and Lily doing - sex?! "I seem to have not put my wand in any of my robe pockets, or trouser pocket, or my belt, or jacket pocket, or special wand pocket in my sleeve, or its holster, or the special belt pocket, or my sock, or my hood, or behind my ear-" But I don't hold his death against him. Nothing he could have done, the poor sod.

He is a cheeky sod. A cruel boy that became a decent man, but never grew out of being selfish and irresponsible. In his stead we see Severus, Harry, Sirius, Remus... how their perception of James touches them, and touches Harry through them.

Any James Potter experts are welcome to come and "Uhm Acktually" me, I would love that. I seriously do love that I love discussion and having my horizons widened.

[distortedkilling]

I guess it's a good time to say that I added to my shipping rules that I don't particularly have any pairings in mind when it comes to Mahito. I've always written him by default as someone who was disinterest or some form of grey asexual unless chemistry or a peculiar interest caught his attention. This is mostly due to the fact I write him as being more focused on developing himself vs seeing the benefit in those kinds of dynamics. He's a young curse. I write him as an adult still but he has a lot of internal youth and immaturity he is navigating.

I'm not against ships from within the series, of course. I just don't have any that strongly jump out at me. Ships with fandoms muses are always going to be treated with the same respect I hold for original characters, too.

That being said, any ship with Mahito is going to be toxic for the sole reason no one is ever going to know if he's capable of being genuinely positive in such a manner. Perhaps not even Mahito knows himself. He can mimic exceptionally well genuine behavior and maybe even feel inclined to behave that way with someone he likes, but he's never going to stop from being manipulative or cruel.

Mahito goes with the flow of what his nature is, what his desires are. He both embodies and is intertwined with such horrible negativity. While he can logically surmise it's a bad thing from a morality perspective, he doesn't actually feel it to be such a thing. It's just what he knows and his logic differs from that of a human. He's behaving logically, in his perspective. He's abiding his nature. In a ship, that may mean being tender. It may mean getting off his partner. It may even mean decent aftercare. Simultaneously, it can also mean he's manipulative, terrorizing them in some form or another.

In no way is that me apologizing for his behavior, mind you. It's fact that Mahito is problematic and he embraces it rather than finding means to correct it. And given what he is, whether he could correct it is subjective.

He can be a great partner and in the same breath, be the worst. It's not okay, but that's kind of the point. Mahito isn't okay. I don't mean that on an emotional level either. He was born not okay, given what type of curse he is. Clinically he understands emotions but to actually feel and express them can differ. It's going to get messy if he finds himself attached to someone and wants to keep them around to play with longer.

So naturally I'm linking this post in my rules to be safe, haha. I love shipping and figuring out interesting dynamics. So I'll never be opposed to it. But I also wanted to be transparent that shipping with him is going to come with Not Great times. As well, that I don't actually have any ship preferences with the fandom either. For the sake of transparency going forward, I have no expectations and intend to let them just form naturally IC or with plenty of OOC plotting if it feels right.

[tenpintsof-sundrop]

are we allowed you talk to you about our thots of spencer reid?

ik you don't write for it. but just sake of conversation!

I'm kind of 50/50 on this? But I am leaning more towards no.

I truly, deeply love Spencer Reid as a character - but the fandom has absolutely spoiled him for me and made that love tainted for me, and made me literally divorce myself from participating in the fandom of loving him.

The response to my last Spencer fic was cruel and harsh and now every time I see someone with a blog dedicated to him, it makes me wince, because he is one of many characters (like Eddie Munson, Ellie Williams) who have been so far divorced from their source material and turned into a source of memery and booktokery and steamrolled down into a 2D nothing that when people read a three dimensional portrayal of them, they get viscerally upset (and then take out those negative emotions onto the fic author instead of reflecting inward on why they can't handle a humanized character).

And I really don't want to post things about him. I would much rather happily post about other characters and other fandoms and I know that I won't be rewatching Criminal Minds again for a very long time because of the way these harsh experiences have made me feel.

I always want people to feel open about sending me random messages because I want my blog to be an open and fun space, but I the fandom has given me so many reservations about Spencer as a character, and it really fucking sucks because he used to be one of my favourite fucking characters of all time - honestly, it's so weird that [REDACTED] is an exes to lovers story, because now when I think about Spencer, it feels like having the same kind of conflicted feelings that someone would have about an ex husband.

For one - I don't want to be actively making posts about Spencer anymore because I don't want people to mistakenly think that I have an interest in writing about him again. A lot of people do not read my pinned and don't have timestamps on the dashboard turned on, and so they will see my old posts about Spencer and then send in requests for him as a character (I have gotten some really recently that I have just deleted) - basically, a lot of people don't pay attention.

So I wouldn't want to be making posts about the character (even if I didn't tag the posts) because I wouldn't want people to mistakenly think that I'm writing for him again.

Two - usually, when I respond to 'thot' posts about a character, it's because I'm really excited and enthusiastic, and I am not enthusiastic about Spencer as a character anymore. I am really sick of him as a character because of the over-saturation of him in the fandom and because of the general immaturity of Spencer fans that caused people to react to my fics in a certain way - so even if people sent me asks about him, idk if I would be in the mood to respond to those asks in a fun and positive way.

Yes, I do like the character. Removing all of the fandom aspects and just looking at him solely as a character - he is one of my favourite characters of all time. I fell in love with him purely from the source material when I was 14, long before I ever knew the CM fandom existed, back when I consumed media and didn't immediately run to Tumblr to jump into the fandom of everything I loved (because when I was 14, the only Tumblr fandoms I was in were the Phandom and the Harry Potter fandom and that was it, I didn't know that other fandoms existed and were active - aside from spectating SuperWhoLock).

But the point of posting on Tumblr is to interact with other fans, and I don't want to interact with other people in the Spencer fandom right now. It is not the kind of attention or reputation I want for my blog right now. I have even actively stopped putting my Criminal Minds fics in my fanfiction queue because I just want those fics to exist quietly in the background instead of being the main attraction on my blog (and they are still actively the most popular fics on my blog, which I kind of hate).

So I won't be making any Spencer Reid posts, even if it's just discussion based or whatever.

I welcome people to come and chat with me about my new favourite characters like the ones from Teen Wolf, or characters I have rediscovered like the ones from Maze Runner, but other than that - I will be quietly sorting out my feelings for Spencer and trying to discover my love for him again.

[myskyperevenge]

If squirrel-fucking was saved for the next game it would imply that our player character raz would not only do that with the prompting of the user but in-universe by his own volition.

I think the devs are trying to help us delve a little more into raz's troubled psyche this way, fucking squirrels cannot be attributed to juvenile hormones and immaturity but rather base cruelty.

And all in all it IS cruel, it wouldn't feel good you are just hurting a creature for the sake of hurting it, how many of his actions could be less attributed to recklessness and more toward sadism? Who knows

raz's abject and random cruelty to animals is one of the best aspects of his character and one of the most telling behaviors he exhibits re; his family life and upbringing (bad). he sometimes "apologizes" for killing small animals only after he's done it and occasionally will openly revel in the act in spite of really obviously not being a sadist in any meaningful or abnormal capacity. these are not actions he dwells on meaningfully or premeditates. they're random, borderline compulsive. often he doesn't realize what he's doing until he's already done it - otherwise he probably wouldn't have. he's less capable of killing larger animals because such an act would require planning and execution on his part. he wouldn't do that because it doesn't interest him and would likely even actively repel him on the basis of being incredibly mean-spirited and cruel for no reason/without provocation ("without provocation" is important. raz has a sense of justice and if he was convinced that the potential victim "deserved it" in some way could be persuaded into such acts, though how he'd feel after the fact is dependant on a variety of factors).

similarly if he was not psychic his (small, fuzzy) body count (...) would probably be much lower since it would be less markedly easy for him to lash out at random without thinking. maybe a few rodents here and there wandered too close to his little boot heel but certainly things like birds and more sensible small beasts wouldn't have much to fear from him. he doesn't set traps or seek out things to kill it just kind of happens. as it stands though his brain chemistry indulges his compulsive killing by merit of existence.

what you are describing would be incredibly cruel and unusual and deeply uncharacteristic of raz. the psychonauts 2 (in the world where that game was good) beastiality that i was envisioning was a little more consensual though. most all the animals depicted ingame are psychic to some extent or at least canonically have capacity for sentient thought. maybe you go on a date with the squirrel first idk