#It explains a lot about how it functions
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pez dispenser update, yay!
I am Very Interested in the direction you're taking izuku here. He seems to have come out the other side of this breakdown going, "no look! I trust you guys! Here, I trust you guys so much! You can know about the severe injuries I had as a child that never got a police report!"
It's funny to read izuku's pov vs aizawa. Izuku is just like, wow this all needs to end so I can get back to being the Normal And Awesome Deku I have turned myself into, and aizawa is like thirty seconds from having his own panic attack at having a few months to turn this kid into a functional human being.
You can truly tell that with how izuku keeps insisting on that he's got this by himself, with no understanding how crazy it is to expect his friends and teachers to back out and let him take over, that he, still, still, STILL has simply 0 faith or expectation that his teacher is driven to help the little kid in izuku that he's buried so deep down there. That an authority figure who isn't all might wants to save him. I want to eat his unthinking, warped by trauma thought patterns, they are delicious.
Kinda touching that midoriya foresaw and tried to avert the all might conversation issue. Rip, dude really tried, but baby izuku is like one of those puddles in flooded old buildings you can find videos of people dropping a rock in -- it doesn't look that deep, but if you tried to put your foot in, you would be getting a whole lot more than your shoe wet.
Yeahhhhhh Izuku’s really not handling it the best.
Izuku genuinely didn’t keep everything a secret all these years because he didn’t trust his friends. It wasn’t that he thought they’d react poorly or hurt him with the information or spread it around or anything like that. This was purely due to his own internal issues around it.
But they’re three years deep into being in the fucking trenches together. And Izuku very much is considered a bedrock of the class. You can see it in their internal monologues—everyone trusts him implicitly. It’s Izuku. If one of them was going through something sensitive or painful, he’d be at the top of the list of people to turn to. For like, the entire class.
And while Izuku isn’t per se aware of the fact that the entire class views him as the best of them, he is painfully aware of the fact that they’ve opened up to him over the years. And that this is making it look like he didn’t tell them a single detail about his life before he came to the school. Which is fair, because he sort of didn’t.
So he’s overcompensating. He doesn’t need privacy because he trusts them so so much and this proves it, right?? They can totally know the sordid details of the past he’s in active crisis over.
He’s scared that he’s going to lose the people who have trusted him over the years because he seemingly didn’t trust them back. But they all trust him so much that they’re more beating themselves up than blaming him.
Todoroki and Mirio were in that scene like “uuuuhhhh you look like you’re a second from a panic attack we can totally give you space if it makes you more comfortable” and Izuku’s in a spiral like Why Would I Need Space I Trust You Both Implicitly Please Ignore The Obvious Distress.
Fundamentally, Izuku has never processed what happened to him as a kid. He didn’t tell them because he wasn’t ready to confront how bad it was back then. It wasn’t about trust. Telling them meant saying aloud what happened. He just wasn’t ready for that.
And from the path canon took, I don’t really see Izuku trusting adults. His childhood did absolutely nothing to make him think teachers would protect him. And for all Aizawa did right, I think this is one bag in canon he legitimately dropped.
I want to be clear—Aizawa was working at a severe disadvantage. He didn’t even have a lot to tell him the problem existed, let alone how to address it. But it’s specifically the Hero Killer Stain Arc that makes me think that Izuku only would trust Aizawa to a certain point.
After the Hero Killer Stain Arc, Aizawa canonically calls out Iida, Todoroki, and Izuku in front of the entire class. He doesn’t mention what it's about, but he makes it very clear that he knows what happened and that he disapproves. And his criticism is specific: In instances where you are out matched, it is better to run and get help. Iida, Midoriya, and Todoroki need to understand that
The thing is that Izuku and Todoroki both considered that as their first option and then correctly deduced that they'd be burying Iida if they did that.
I will actually die on the hill that is that Izuku and Todoroki did everything right when it came to the Hero Killer Stain. Iida caused the problem, but the fact that he made mistakes was the point of that arc for him. But Izuku and Todoroki?
They both reacted perfectly. And if they had done a single thing differently, they'd have two dead bodies.
When Izuku realizes that Iida's in danger, the city is on fire, Nomu are attacking the train, and his supervisor has fucked off to fight monsters attacking the city. He does not have an adult hero who is free to bring with him, and we know for a fact that he did not have time to hesitate or try to find other options, because he arrives the second before Iida dies as-is. When he's on scene, his absolute first instinct is to run. Izuku canonically clocked the fact that he was out matched, evaluated whether he could safely retreat, and realized he’d never be able to get out of there with Iida and Native. He’d have to leave one or both of them to die.
So he asked for help the safest way he could: sending out the mass text and stalling for time. And canonically, he wasn’t hoping a classmate would show up to the fight. He was hoping they’d report it to their supervisors and get him help, which is exactly what multiple of his classmates did.
Todoroki, for his part, correctly clocked that something was wrong with Izuku when he got the message. And he didn’t just fuck off without telling anyone where he was going. He evaluated the situation, realized the city was on fucking fire and there wasn’t a single hero free to go with them, and told the heroes with him that they needed to go to this exact location the first second they could. And he didn’t have a moment to hesitate or figure something else out, because he also showed up at the very last second before Iida took a sword to his spine.
Frankly, Todoroki and Izuku couldn’t have possibly handled the situation better, but they got absolutely shit on in the aftermath. I don’t recall a single adult who told them they did the right thing, except maybe Native. They had the fucking chief of police telling them they were no better than the guy who tried to kill their teenage friend with a sword and their teacher publicly calling them out in front of the class without the benefit of context.
If I was Izuku, I would have walked out of that entire thing having my preexisting distrust of adults affirmed. Like. There isn’t a world where Izuku realistically looks back on his actions and thinks “damn I really should have left Iida die.” He’s not going to change a fucking thing in what he did. Every single time, he’s going to go save his friend. The only realistic take away Izuku could have from Aizawa’s call out was “wow, that guy is not going to have my back if I have to make a tough call. So if I have to make one, then I’m just not going to him for help.”
Which is kind of where we're at in pez right now, and Aizawa's starting to realize it. Don't get me wrong, Izuku trusts Aizawa more than any teacher he ever had growing up. He doesn't think Aizawa is going to be actively malicious to him. But he also doesn't necessarily think Aizawa's going to have his back.
The crux of it is in chapter 4. Tiny Izuku says that Mr. Aizawa is already on Izuku's side, and Izuku's immediate reply is, "I promise you that Mr. Aizawa has never once been on my side." He back pedals fast, clarifies that he thinks Mr. Aizawa is fair and not on anyone's side, but his knee-jerk reaction is undeniable.
And to me? It's because Aizawa genuinely has not been on Izuku's side since he came to UA. And I don't mean Aizawa has been malicious to Izuku. Fundamentally, the issue is that he misdiagnosed the problem.
Aizawa has spent his entire time with Izuku mistakenly believing that the source of Izuku's issues was the same as Bakugou's. He is only now realizing that his issues were more like Shinsou's.
Fundamentally, Aizawa correctly recognized that Izuku's problems came from the fact that he was raised in an unjust system. But he misunderstood what Izuku's position in it was.
Here's what Aizawa knows, from the jump: Izuku and Bakugou came from the same school. Both have very powerful Quirks. Both have obvious issues with the other. Izuku specifically moves and looks like he had a professional trainer, meaning someone invested in his training as a hero. Bakugou talks like someone who's been told his entire life that the sun shines out his ass and never got punished for being a little shit. Izuku's more muted, but he came from the same school. Two kids with powerful quirks? Likely were getting away with the exact same shit.
When you have an unjust system, you have the people running it, the people benefitting from it, and the people being victimized by it. If the teachers at Aldera were letting kids with powerful quirks get away with murder, both Izuku and Bakugou were likely benefitting from that. And it is absolutely vital that Aizawa undoes that damage before they debut.
He doesn't even need to think Izuku, specifically, was abusing his position in this power imbalance. The damage is done from how the teachers at aldera were likely treating him. Teachers that produce kids like Bakugou tell talented, powerful kids that they're special, that they're above the rules, that they've got something so fundamentally important about them that they can get away with more. Even if you don't chose to abuse that narrative in the moment, that's a hell of a formative experience.
They're about to have a ridiculous amount of power. They are about to be in charge of enforcing the rules. And people who are in charge of enforcing the rules and think they're above them turn into Endeavor.
Aizawa's approached Izuku from a sort of tough love perspective from the jump. He didn't cut him an ounce of slack, and it's because he genuinely was trying to do right by Izuku. No, he's not going to get to smash up his body and make himself a hazard. Figure it out, or go home.
He's had plenty of time to learn how to manage his quirk, after all.
With Stain? I don't think Aizawa, if he knew the full circumstances, would genuinely say the right call is to have Iida's fucking funeral. I think he'd agree with the decisions Izuku and todoroki made. But he didn't have all the information, and, fatally, he didn't ask. He assumed.
He's got three powerful, bullheaded students who end up in a back alley in the middle of the night, having all separately ditched the heroes they were supposed to be joined at the fucking hip with. He absolutely thinks that they either planned it together or that, when they realized what Iida did, Todoroki and Iida went after him in secret to try to keep Iida from getting in trouble--and almost got them all killed in the process. There is absolutely no way Aizawa knows that they actually tried to run and get help at every turn.
Aizawa made assumptions. And a big reason why he felt comfortable making those assumptions was because he thought he knew what Izuku's problem was. He thought Izuku, like Bakugou, had been benefitting from teachers turning a blind eye to his misbehavior for years. But the problem was the exact opposite. Teachers had been turning a blind eye to his victimization for years.
He shouldn't have been treating him like Bakugou. He should have been treating him like Shinsou.
Aizawa's trying to correct the damage of past teachers. If they've spent years telling Izuku he's god's gift to mankind and it doesn't matter what he does because he's a hero and that makes up for it, Aizawa needs to hold him to the fucking rules. He needs him to understand that he's not special, he's not the main character, he's not intrinsically better or more important or above the rules in some magically important way. He doesn't want to hear excuses. He doesn't want to know why this time it was different. Izuku needs to understand that he has to live by the rules too, because he's going to be in charge of enforcing them soon.
But if they've spent years telling him he's worthless, that people can hurt him and it's okay, that he can never, ever expect help from them because he's not worth it? Then fuck, Aizawa needed to do the opposite. He needed the same end result, don't get me wrong--an understanding that the system equally applies to everyone--but he needs to make Izuku believe that the system will protect him again. That Aizawa will protect him. And Aizawa's combing over every fucking interaction they've ever had, and realizing that he hasn't done that, because he spent all his time trying to correct a problem that didn't exist.
I think Aizawa's been beating his head against the problem that is Midoriya Izuku for the past three years. Because Izuku's a hard-worker. He is brilliant. He is a natural leader. He is the fucking cornerstone of the class. He is shining so bright that it's going to kill him, because Aizawa knows how to recognize a star that's burning out.
For three years, Aizawa has tried and failed to get Izuku to realize he can and should ask for help. And he has failed because he thought the problem was that Izuku didn't think he needed help, when the problem was actually that he thought no one would give it to him.
In this last chapter, Izuku finally said aloud the reason behind the core issue Aizawa’s had with him his entire time at UA: Growing up, he thought that there was literally one man on the planet who would care enough to save him. He was the most hero-obsessed boy Aizawa’s ever met, and he thought All Might was the only hero alive he could count on to care if he lived or died.
There it is. The exact answer about every scrap of self destructive behavior that Aizawa’s been trying and failing to remedy for years. Why the fuck would he ask for help when he needs it? He’s spent his entire life living in a world where people wouldn’t piss on him if he were on fire. Aizawa needed every day of those three years to reverse that kind of damage, and he’s out of fucking time.
Aizawa is legitimately terrified that he fucked up and that it's going to kill Izuku.
Izuku’s Quirklessness is the missing piece of the puzzle that makes everything fall into place—which is why he’s so pissed at All Might for not telling him. Aizawa’s actually kicking himself for not noticing the obvious discrepancies in Izuku’s past. The fact that he grew up with a powerful Quirk was the factor that made him return to the same incorrect conclusion again and again. There were enough hints that he feels guilty for not figuring it out anyway, but if he had known about Izuku’s Quirklessness from the start? He would have figured it out in seconds.
Now that he knows, Aizawa’s changed how he handles Izuku. He doesn’t let there be a single doubt about what he’s doing or why. He makes Izuku explain himself, so that way there’s no more miscommunications around what he means. He makes sure to compliment him whenever he does something right—he’s trying to change courses, but he’s panicking that it’s too little, too late.
And now he’s got this goddamn criminal investigation that Izuku wants to bury, and it’s killing him. Because that’s his student, and he was hurt horribly. And his student just cannot comprehend why Aizawa cannot let it go.
And then there’s All Might.
All Might’s conversation with baby Izuku, for me, forecloses the possibility that explaining OfA is a solution here.
All Might really went in and knocked it out of the park with the best possible attempt at convincing Tiny Izuku that he’s himself. He immediately failed, albeit, but he honestly couldn’t have done better.
There he is, Izuku’s lifelong hero. And he’s there to say the things Izuku’s spent his whole life wanting to hear. All Might met him, and Izuku inspired him. He reminded him of himself when he was young. He thought he could be a hero. He was so impressed he offered to personally mentor Izuku.
And he loved him. Believe you are him, because I loved you too much to ever let anyone take you from me. There is a fundamental flaw in your theory that simply no one cared enough to notice or stop him, because I love you with all of me. I would have noticed. I would have saved you.
If there is absolutely anything that could have convinced Tiny Izuku, it would be that. This isn’t about quality of the explanation. There’s an internal issue that needs to be fixed before Tiny Izuku will believe any of this.
And I think Izuku recognizes this, on a level. As much as he and Tiny Izuku clash, Izuku gets him. He can typically predict Tiny Izuku’s exact responses to things.
But he’s never approached Tiny Izuku like someone he can explain this to. He’s spent this entire time trying to cheat code his way out of this situation. He wants Mr. Aizawa to erase him or to go find the Quirk user and find away to negate the Quirk. He’s never actually even considered explaining this all to himself as a solution.
Because he knows that there’s some kind of fundamental impossibility about it. Even if he can’t say exactly what it is, he knows that there’s an internal issue that means he’s not going to be able to just tell Tiny Izuku the truth.
Voice of God, he is dead fucking right about Tiny Izuku not buying OfA and being liable to tell everyone out of spite. Tiny Izuku would have that shit on the news.
Fundamentally, Izuku is aware that there is a deeper problem driving Tiny Izuku. He knows that it’s not about the quality of the explanation. There is something deeply, profoundly wrong because of what happened to him that makes him absolutely unable to accept that Izuku is him.
But Izuku has never known how to solve the mental wounds his childhood left him with. He still has them himself. He’s been burying them for years, and he can’t anymore.
When action opens in pez, Izuku himself is not okay. He’s just… bleeding internally. He knows how to hurt in ways people can’t see. But you can see how much his childhood is still bothering him in his defense of Mirio. He has never been able to let go of what happened to him. The wounds never healed.
And he doesn’t know how to go to these people he loves and tell them that what they’re trying fundamentally will fail, because he knows he’s been hiding this fucking shipwreck of his own mental health for the past three years but they don’t have a fucking clue at the scale of the problem.
At the end of the day, All Might went in there because he wanted to save Izuku. And Izuku told him not to because he cannot imagine himself being saved.
#pez dispenser debris#a lot of people in the comments were like ‘the only thing to do is to explain OFA they can’t get around it’ tiny Izuku WILL HAVE that shit#on the fucking news.#it’s not about the quality of the explanation#to me the late bloomer thing is the best explanation they could have#like it is /absolutely fucking bonkers/ to claim that his personal hero all might passed him a seemingly immutable genetic trait#‘our hero all might gave me his eye color or like. his kidney function. no not his kidney just how it worked.’ like that’s insane#for me AfO and OfA are fundamentally different beasts than a copy quirk like monomas#monoma is a very selective shape shifter. he alters his own physical structure briefly to match someone else#afo and OfA are permanently alterations to /other peoples bodies/ which is a huge step farther than what m#what people originally thought quirks capable of#tiny Izuku’s only vaguely aware of afo and doesn’t have enough data to contemplate if OfA would be possible but would sound so fake to him#right now. it’s not about the quality of the explanation it’s something else that’s making him reject this#at least with late bloomers there’s precedence and it sort of fits with the idea that Izuku seemingly has multiple quirks#it’s vaguely been referenced in a few places but there’s a lot of people in quirk sciences who have noticed Izuku’s breaking rules with his#quirk and are asking to like. study him. Izuku’s started to sweat because of it#but the prevailing theory is that he’s the next step in evolution. some scientists would swear up and down that Izuku’s the start of the#next boom. him being a late bloomer would be easily assimilated into that theory. people are going to get quirks later and stronger now.#it’s possible that new mutations will be introduced to the population#Izuku’s fucking /sweating/ because monoma went around talking about how he has a stockpile quirk and he knows that his quirk breaks the#fundamental rules of stockpiling quirks. he’s terrified it’s going to get back to someone who realizes that and starts making noise about#him having a new mutation. he doesn’t have a new mutation. he has a mutation that went extinct at the dawn of quirks and is only preserved#through OfA.
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tgirlhawkins · 5 months ago
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babysai where baby's therapist gives her nonfiction book recs to help her recover from all that so sai reads with her. they're both slow at it so they do like one chapter per night. baby's better at reading comprehension but sai's got the better grip on reality so the discussions they have afterwards are Rough but they agree to not get mad at each other about it. sai's not grumpy in the pic btw he's just got the resting bitch face of all time
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quietwingsinthesky · 2 years ago
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it ever hit you out of nowhere that castiel is living in a dead guy's body and the show just does not care. it does not care. jimmy novak might as well not exist the moment he or claire is out of sight. cas stole a guy's body and his face and his life, and we can't ever talk about it or discuss it in detail because of how fucking horrifying it is that sam and dean's best friend just walks around in a dead guy suit. there's not even a human soul in there anymore. it's just a corpse. stone-cold body snatcher indeed.
#castiel spn#spn#this is not like a Castiel Crime (tm) to be clear. this is more me being (un)surprised that the show is Like This.#castiel is a horror story he is so much a horror story in the rapture#and then they just uh. never bring up again how horrifying and fucked up this is for another like 7 seasons#and when they do its to briefly go :( claire lost her dad :) but its okay! she forgives cas for it!#which!! NO SHE SHOULD FUCKING NOT!!!#but we can't have that discussion. we can't talk about that. because to acknowledge that it's fucked up would mean making cas kind of. evil#in a way that would vastly improve his later character arcs btw. if we had to reckon with not only this massive transgression#but with the fact that cas himself STILL DOESN'T SEE IT AS ONE.#that on a lot of fundamental levels. he is still functioning as he did in s4. a lot of that base programming is still there.#something something how cas never changes out of his suit under his trenchcoat#but it's like. jimmy said yes. so it's fine. that's what it is to him.#anyway. i wish they hadn't been scared of making all three of the boys more fucked up in later seasons.#thank GOD for dean being interesting in how he becomes Worse <3 because they were not bringing that for castiel.#again. good version of spn where jimmy's bloodline is an off-shoot of the lucifer vessel bloodline. explaining a) how lucifer Got In There#and b) letting lucifer possess claire later so that the two of them can have daddy issues together.#something about cas being the monster-not monster that jimmy let in that destroyed his life.#something about lucifer being the monster-not monster that castiel lets in later. the cycles. they are cycling.
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tamsiblings · 3 months ago
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djshshhs okay iconic legend moment from zoe but also
this is so weirdly cute? like yes it's a massive burn lmao but.
in an affectionate way? she approaches him and immediately intuits the situation and has a knowing smile. and she puts his arm on simon's shoulder, kind of comfortingly! like she absolutely IS teasing him, but it's the kind of teasing you only really do if you like someone. the shooting script even notes (and i think gina torres' delivery is gold) that she says it "not unkindly". also, and this is def up to interpretation, but right after this she looks like she's about to say something else before wash interrupts with a joke. and part of me imagines it was some sort of advice. not anything too complicated or touchy-feely, because that's not zoe's style, but Something. (i've said this before but vastly underrated dynamic to me.)
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deathbypufferfish · 2 years ago
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I created some art today to visualize how my functional seizure auras feel to me. For those who don't know, some people (not all), get a feeling before they have a seizure.
If you look it up on Google one of the descriptions is "indescribable feeling". So I thought I'd visualize this. I started it while I was still in an aura as well. It's a very distressing feeling, so it felt good to paint it out.
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silviakundera · 1 year ago
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Haha I also used the dickless bore. I thought that only the two main characters came back didn't know he did as well. I still don't buy him ever being into her but that's just me I do wonder if he's going to try and kill her again. I do think Li Rong is treating him too well for my liking she should at least treat hit similarly or worse than she treated ML I want to see wet paper towel non stop suffer.
on one hand, imo a SRQ who is heartless doesn't work for the story the writer is trying to share with us. On the other hand, it's totally ok to decide to be a full-time hater towards a minor character, just because it's fun. I support haters! 🎉 \o/ 🎉
One thing that I think is relevant when comparing LR's reactions: if PWX had killed her, the motive would have been as part of his mission to have his childhood love Qin Zhenzhen's son become the next emperor. (Remember, he came over to threaten her life over that right before she died and called his ex Zhenzhen lmao) THE AUDACITY. In contrast, LR is viewing her murder at SRQ's hands as part of the revenge plan for the Su family's execution.
Some passages of Li Rong's POV:
After a few moments, she whispered: “Where did the scent on you come from?”
“If I say it, you might be upset.” Pei Wenxuan’s eyes had a hint of gloating at others’ pain.
Li Rong thought for a while and frowned, “Su Rongqing?”
“Yes.”
...Li Rong said nothing. She blankly stared into the fire.
Pei Wenxuan turned the fish over and looked at her with a smile, seemingly quite happy. Li Rong found that he had a fearless, unabashed look of enjoying a good play and couldn’t help but be a little fazed.
She believed everything Pei Wenxuan said.
---
Su Rongqing was someone that she saved with her own hands.
That year, Prince Su rebelled, and Su Rongqing’s elder brother spoke up for Prince Su. Later on, he was falsely accused of colluding with Prince Su, implicating the Su clan with treason.
At that time, Li Chuan was so furious that he fainted. He put the entire Su clan in prison without going through the Joint Trial of Three Divisions first and put the men to death and the women into exile. She disagreed with this decision and rushed to beg Li Chuan before the Su clan received their sentence. After being subjected to ten planks, with Pei Wenxuan’s intervention, she was finally able to ask for amnesty for the Su clan.
Even if the death sentences can be forgone, it was impossible to escape punishment while still alive. Even though the men of the Su clan could live, they would be subjected to castration. The others couldn’t bear the humiliation, so they all committed suicide in prison. When she arrived, there was only one man ��desperate for life and afraid of death” left among the men of the Su clan, Su Rongqing.
At that time, she had told Su Rongqing that she saved him without the intention of asking him to repay her. She could give him silver and a position, so that he could continue to live a good life in the future.
Back then, she didn’t have any special feelings towards Su Rongqing. It was just that he had saved her before, so after he took care of her, bit by bit, she felt grateful, and…vague sentiments towards him.
For the most part, she sought to save the Su clan for Li Chuan and her own conscience. The Su clan was a prominent, noble family. It was difficult for her to sit back and watch if they died in such an ambiguous manner.
At that time, Su Rongqing refused to go.
...It wasn’t that she had never thought that Su Rongqing would not take revenge on her. After all, it was Li Chuan who ordered all the men of the Su clan to be beheaded and exiled all the female family members. It was impossible for anyone to forget this blood feud, let alone the formerly first and most outstanding gongzi of that year?
For so many years, she had never dared to give him real authority, observing him and guarding against him while still trying to help him live a better life. She couldn’t actually kill him because of her own conscience, but she couldn’t actually trust him and give him power.
In the end, he still decided to act. He killed her first, then successfully took her authority in the name of eliminating Pei Wenxuan. If she guessed correctly, he would not leave with the advisors. Instead, he would borrow the excuse of taking revenge for her and enforcing the will of the people to join forces with the Empress, assist Li Xin in ascension, and fight to the death against the remnants of Pei Wenxuan’s faction.
...
She had anticipated this possibility from the moment she took Su Rongqing in, but she couldn’t help feeling a bit regretful when it actually happened.
#honestly i think their relationship is quite interesting#and srq is a tragic character who just suffers 24x7 so no worries there#like just imagine: besides the horrible fate of his family#if he truly had always loved li rong#how cruel that would be#the only chance to be with her was this nightmare#and though they accompanied enough other and had some good memories#she could never trust him and could never return his feelings#and she SHOULDNT trust him#and now he sees no other path available than the one he is on#directly opposed to her and fighting on her enemys side#as he gets to watch her marry pwx again#and be increasingly affectionate together#and realize that this isnt young pwx who is too confused and insecure to have a functional marriage w lr#this is the mature adult who might actually make his beloved happy#and how to even feel about that#cdrama#the princess royal#my personal feelings about SRQ evolved a lot as the story progressed but tbh i still dont know#i feel sorry for him#i cannot sympathize with some of his politics but he is also so damaged that#like LR i guess i feel he must be opposed but i wish he could be saved#LR would say he has his reasons (and he has more reasons than she knows)#now the reveal that they are all from the future is clear#he does not come running to her to explain everything and defend himself#he isnt justifying himself#he actually isnt trying to make this all emotionally harder on her than it has to be#but also i DO consider him as someone who betrayed her#and i dont think he can have a place in her life anymore#(fwiw i get the salt about PWX murdering her: he blew up their marriage over ZZ + now warring w her at court over ZZ kid + kills her for it)
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deadalienspace · 7 days ago
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the more research i do on how to become androgynous/neutral looking, societal transition, disabling fem stuff about my body, and alt health care at home, the more ads about treating infertility and guides for parents appear on my phone lmao
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sskk-manifesto · 1 year ago
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Ep 5!!!
#Episodes that make me go “The author has never talked with a woman ever” 😓😓😓#I don't like how Lucy's character is handled at all. And I feel like I can't talk about it because I'm just going to sound like a bitter–#ss/kk shipper... But I really don't like it. And if it can help my case I'm a multishipper so I really don't take any–#issues with atsu/lucy I like the ship quite a lot actually.#So you're telling me there's this girl... Who meets this boy who pretty much ruined her life by directly causing her to lose her job...#And the next time she sees him she's going to sacrifice her own freedom for him as well as tell him “when you're done doing your things–#come and save me” (longest ewwww ever)... And when she regains freedom (author didn't bother to explain how because they don't care)–#she goes to work... As a waitress at the café beneath his workplace. So he can keep doing his Cool Superpowers Job while she literally–#must serve him every time he visits the place. It's just ?????????????????????????????????#Look‚ I don't dislike Lucy and I feel general affection towards her. It's just that they make her act like no one ever would#Just for the sake of the plot I guess#And like I knoww it's (probably just a little) more nuanced than that. I know Lucy is living her own fairy tale fantasy.#It's just that what I've said about her story is still true‚ you know?#I'm sorry but as sweet as atsu/lucy can be. I really hate the author for making Lucy a waitress. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry.#It's so weird. This anime has women writing standards that feel like dating back to the 20s#Same with Katai and the ideal woman tbh. Like why are women to be seen as this abstract impersonal entities? Why can't they just be people?#Ideal for WHO. It's like super screwed up of a concept. What even is an ideal woman? What does it mean to be a woman anyways?#They just want to say “ideal wife”. But women aren't made to be wives their existence isn't functional to another person.#Sorry. I derail. Next episode is going to be even worse on this front ughhhh#Back to the episode: once again it really shows they were running out of budget with this season‚‚‚ the animation looks very suffered#Too many flashback also... I feel bad for the animators tbh#I don't really like the shift in art style :( Not even Atsushi I found particularly pretty this episode my heart cries#The nail pulling thing made me feel like throwing up afhsjyabfsbfwasfvb I feel like I can bear worse gore but there's a couple of little–#specific things I can't stand and this seems to be one of them pffftttt#I like Higuchi I think she's both very funny and cool. I really wish she was explored more (but then again looking at Teruko... )#The relationship between Kunikida and Katai looks so interesting even though we only get glimpses of it. Kunikida regrets Katai leaving–#the ada but is also happy for him but also worries for him. He comes to his house seemingly to check on him and starts cleaning around.#The way he loves him and cherishes their friendship and shared history is really evident and it makes for a compelling dynamic.#Perhaps I should read their short story... In any case. Going to someone's house and compulsively start doing the dishes half out of will–#to help out half because he can't bear the mess sounds a lot like something I'd do lol
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spotaus · 1 year ago
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Thinking I might redesign and/or finally design a smarter base for ec-4o!Dust. Because a farm-house is funny, but doesn't make much sense anymore.
So, I think it's smarter to have an old government base as his location. It'd have good space for storage when Blue eventually comes along, a bunch of old firearms for Dust's obsession, and would be a safe and defensible location as long as Dust's Paps keeps an eye out for intruders. It makes sense for a lot of plot points too, and adds an extra symbolic layer?
Like, Dust being there, he wasn't familiar with the government so he just clears out and burns whatever is left in the "office space" so he can make it into a house. He patrols the other two or three buildings every once in a while, but for some reason he doesn't know, folks avoid the place like the plague. He lives the solitary life he wanted.
Then Blue shows up, and he lets him and Rust share the space with him, for supplies and money in turn. Society is rebuilding, and Dust is gonna need to catch up. Blue has no clue why it's intimidating for his shop to be set up in an old government lab. He's unaware of the implications, but he's such a friendly guy that customers eventually warm up to him. The scariness of the government is lessened, because the old government that destroyed the country is gone, and now there's a kind soul helping others in its place. Rebuilding trust and comradery unknowingly.
And later on when other characters interact with the space, it gets Life in a way it never had. When Ink gets his hands on it and paints murals on the walls of the workshop in vibrant colors. Saejun is my favorite, because when he moves in, the other extra workshop is transformed into a garden, a green-house. He does hydroponics and breathes life slowly but surely back into the dead dirt, flowers cracking through the concrete style. It's a bright green spot that branches out in all directions like veins. Plants grow up the sides of the office, and harmless nature-creatures reside there.
When Cross, and Error, and Night and Dream find this place, when they're repaired, it has very little life. They're afraid of the war just as the organics are. Will it happen again? Are these people tampering with our codes? But no. They get to see this place turn into a home. Shelter others. Recreate lost things from scratch. It's a paradise they never got to see in their lifetimes. It was never in their calculations.
And then when Geno and Reaper show up. Geno, a guy who'd been stripped of his whole life, forced to start and finish a war that took millions of lives. The answers he seeks are all in an old government building, a place that ruined his life. He swore he'd see things to the end, though, so he approaches it expecting the worst. And instead of government officials that somehow escaped his vengeful wrath, he finds a ragtag group of monsters and robots, who are living peacefully in the location. Some of them resent him for what he did, but others accept him with open arms. He's not sure how to react for a long time. The belief that something good prospered through the war us unthinkable.
Then Reaper. He's under the belief that tech is his enemy. He was raised to resent the robots, even before the war. The war only proved his family right. And so seeing this place, with robots living freely? It made him furious. He'd been stripped of his weapons after attempting an attack, though, so he had to bide his time. And yet, the longer he stayed, the more he heard of each robot's story. How they were manipulated, and had their very essence altered. Their bodies and functions forced to do something they never wanted to. That struck a bit closer to home. But it was Saejun and Axe that really hit hard for him. Axe was raised in a Cult. That was what he'd called it. One that made him believe things that harmed him. One that forced him to do things against his will. For everyone else this was a place of relaxation, but for Axe it was a place of healing. And Reaper realized, begrudgingly, that Axe's story felt a lot like his own. And maybe, just maybe, he might've been in the wrong.
And idk this place that once brought so much fear, a place where robots were customized for a horrible war? One that Dust barely survived, one that Blue was too young to remember, one that everyone either participated in or was forced to live through? The place that started it all heals the damage done by it. Smth smth story symbolism?
Oh, one last thing: Lust's recovery was initially meant to be in a hidden room of the farm-house, but now I'm thinking there was a scrap room in the warehouses that no one ever got to, and Lust was put in there because his model was just too impractical for the remodeling for war-machines. There's a lot in that room like him, but he's the only one with his files still in his ecto. So, his experience with this place is jarring too. Last he remembered, he was being ushered into a building with other ectos, and they were being scrapped. Now he wakes up in the same location, but none of that horror is to be seen, instead replaced with a bright workshop and even brighter eyes looking him over worriedly. He was freed from his programming constraints while Blue worked on him, so he has to learn to be an actual person, and this place he was sent to to become a pile of scraps became his first real home.
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iliveinprocrasti-nationn · 1 year ago
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one thing abt being disabled/chronically ill that some people don’t get is that sometimes body maintenance that ensures you have the absolute minimum amount of function can also be something that takes away a lot of control and autonomy. you can argue till the cows come home that making those decisions to try and help yourself (or realistically to try to make sure things aren’t worse than they already are) is something that exhibits control and autonomy and stuff, but they can be so limiting in practice because they’re things that take up so much time but have to be done to do anything else
#i have to sleep a lot. i’m at the point where functioning requires 8 hours of sleep if not more#I should probably be getting 10+ but i’m a student and i work so 8 is the minimum. but then also getting ready for bed is a whole process s#the whole thing can take 10-12 hours depending how much im sleeping. just to make sure i can do anything#that is time in my day i cannot use for anything else. it’s not ‘oh but i can push through it’ because i can’t without spending the next da#lightheaded and nauseous and vaguely dizzy and with such intense brain fog I can’t think with my fatigue so bad i genuinely don’t know how#get myself to work a lot of days. my abled peers don’t have to deal with this at all. they have unlimited study time if they want to#and yeah it is a choice i’m making that’s true i could just not do. except i would lose my job and fail out of college because i would not#be able to get to classes or do my homework or think. but being told ‘but you are making choices about your life’ when i have lost so much#of what i used to be able to do because i am spiralling down and continuing to get worse is so.#literally last year i would wake up at 6:30 and then go to school till 3 and then go to my internship until 10 and get home at 11 and be in#bed anywhere from midnight to two in the morning and then wake up the next day and do it all again. i graduated with a 3.9 gpa and made it#into my top college while dealing with my cancer symptoms and then the two surgeries about it#but now i lose half my day to just making sure i can get out of bed. i can’t go anywhere because my body is physically too exhausted#any extra time goes into doing homework or occasionally time to myself#not decimating my health by doing minimum body care responsibilities isn’t freeing. occasionally i have a good day which is freeing but tha#usually goes into just. other things outside class or work or eating. I don’t go do something for myself or go do something fun on good day#because I still can’t. good days just mean i don’t want to lie down on the pavement when i’m going somewhere#I just. I don’t magically have control over my life because i try to get enough sleep. i lose half my day to doing that and ultimately it’s#just a bodily function that would have to happen anyway#this is a vent post im just having a really hard time right now because it feels like im in exponential decline. it was nowhere near this#bad last semester. my grades are tanking and i have no free time because anything outside of sleep is either work or school#vent tw#yall can rb this just ignore my tags completely#disability#chronically ill#i keep trying to explain to people how pots works because that’s all logical but there’s no way to explain what it’s doing to my body or ho#i feel all the time. the last time i felt this bad was when i had a bad flu or immediately after surgeries because i don’t react well to#anesthesia and always come out of them feeling like shit. and now i just feel like this all the time and it’s only getting worse#I can’t even stay up late anymore because my body feels like it isn’t counting the sleep even if I get 8 hours#I can deal if I have a free day the day after but that just leaves Friday and Saturday nights and I usually still have to do homework
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eryanlainfa · 1 year ago
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Learnt about Welcome Home lore litteraly just yesterday... SO HERE IS MY OC!
Their name as a whole is Weekly! They have a dissociative identity disorder, making them multiple identities within a single body.
(Disclaimer : my OC is in no way a good/realistic exemple of DID. This is a fictional fan-character for a fictional story about a fictional show.)
In a universe where the show aired other days than just saturdays- Weekly is a reccuring neighbour who seems to be a different person depending on which day of the week we're in. Always taking after one of the other neighbours (except Wally) they seem to always be assisting one of them.
Each identity refers to the others as if they were all members of the same family, insisting they are all different people with different lives, and calling you crazy if you dare insinuate otherwise.
They all have different relationships with the neighbours, and different preferences and way of thinking. Some of them do share memories with each others but not every identities will remember the same things.
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nazumichi · 1 year ago
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putting a pin in my “I might be some form of aro, that would make sense” situation because I’ve got essays to write currently, so
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complainblogforthevoid · 3 months ago
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I've finally figured out an argument that convinces coding tech-bros that AI art is bad.
Got into a discussion today (actually a discussion, we were both very reasonable and calm even through I felt like committing violence) with a tech-bro-coded lady who claimed that people use AI in coding all the time so she didn't see why it mattered if people used AI in art.
Obviously I repressed the surge of violence because that would accomplish nothing. Plus, this lady is very articulate, the type who makes claims and you sit there thinking no that's wrong it must be but she said it so well you're kind of just waffling going but, no, wait-- so I knew I had to get this right if I was gonna come out of this unscathed.
The usual arguments about it being about the soul of it and creation fell flat, in fact she was adamant that anyone who believed that was in fact looking down at coding as an art form as she insisted it is. Which, sure, you can totally express yourself through coding. There's a lot more nuance as to the differences but clearly I was not going to win this one.
The other people I was with (literally 8 people anti-ai against her, but you can't change the mind of someone who doesn't want to listen and she just kept accusing us of devaluing coding as an art) took over for I kid you not 15 minutes while I tried desperately to come up with a clear and articulate way to explain the difference to her. They tried so many reasonable arguments, coding being for a function ("what, art doesn't serve a function?") coding being many discrete building blocks that you put together differently, and the AI simply provides the blocks and you put it together yourself ("isn't that what prompt building is") that it's bad for the environment ("but not if it's used for capitalism, hm?" "Yeah literally that's how capitalism works it doesn't care about the environment" she didn't like that response)
But I finally got it.
And the answer is: It's not about what you do, it's about what you claim to be.
Imagine that someone asks an AI to write a code and, by some miracle, it works perfectly without them having to tweak it---which is great because they couldn't tell you what a single solitary thing in that code means.
Now imagine this person, with their code that they don't know how it works, goes and applies to be a coder somewhere, presenting this AI code as proof that they're qualified.
Should they be hired?
She was horrified, of course. Of course they shouldn't be. They're not qualified. They can't actually code, and even if by some miracle they did have an AI successfully write a flawless code for every issue they came across that wouldn't be their code, you could hire any shmuck on the street to do that, no reason to pay someone like they're creating something.
When actual engineers use AI what they do is get some kind of base, which they then go though and check for problems and then if they find any they fix them, and add on to the base code with their own knowledge instead of just trying different prompt after prompt until they randomly come across one that works.
People who generate code like this don't usually call themselves engineers. They're people who needed a bit of code and didn't have the knowledge to generate it, and so used a resource.
And there you go. There are people who have none of the skills of artists, they don't practice, they don't create for themselves. When they feed the prompt to the AI they then don't just use the resulting image as a reference point for their own personal masterpiece, and if they don't like it they don't have the skills to change it---they simply try another prompt, and do that until they get something they like.
These people are calling themselves artists.
Not only that, these people are bringing the AI generated thing to interviews, and they are getting hired, leaving people who slave over their craft out of the job.
And that is the difference, for the tech bros who think AI art isn't a big deal.
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lockedtowers · 18 days ago
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btw idk how else to describe this but cassie has a definite superiority complex when it comes to meeting/talking to non wond.erlanders/humans. like theyre actively taught humans are inferior. so rly in post being in a relationship w dean verses she loses that complex but outside of that… one can definitely say she’s a little;;;
#i dont wanna use the word bc its not abt ethnicity in any way it is 100% about actual species#but it is something she actively had to unlearn#especially given humans were something largely stolen and drained in her world#and she doesn’t actually see alice as a ‘human’ at all since alice is ‘superior to them’#and depending on the writing partner i DO in fact also believe in the chesh and alice are part of the same psyche thing#which is why wo.nderland could not function without a che.shire#anyways like ive dealt w a lot of r/acism irl bc visibly as.ian and not visibly his.panic and a bunch of others#like you cant tell looking at me bc im the color of a wall but my grandpa was like third black third mex/ican third et/hnically je/wish so#like i do not tolerate that in regards to ethnicities inwill block. but largely i also cannot think of another word in regards to the speci#thing won.derland does have issues with re abaolutely having a superiotity complex to humans#anyways its a nuanced issue and discussion thats rly hard to explain without getting attacked online by people who dont understand how#fiction and fantasy and using fiction to reflect reality expand on it and grow from it actually like. works#but also despite how fucking campy s/yfy al/ice is like ive mentioned this to friend alice like#the horror elements alone and thenfact queenienflat out annihilated an entire people in her quest for power#theres words for what she canonically did but people are not prepared for that#its like the ‘what r.egina did to gr.aham and with my own g.raham i refuse to ignore it but fandom isnt ready for that discussion#and thats clear in anybpost about gr.aham bc ppl will jump to defend what r.egina did to him and claim its okay when its not and excuse the#writers as much as possible when multiple things can be true at once’ like people just arent ready for the discussion#out.
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puzzlebug · 26 days ago
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suddenly was overcome by a wave of nostalgia for meridiem and its stupid worldbuilding. the naming system on pangea memoriam is so fun. people being named after things lost to time (arkansas and idabel named after places that no longer 'exist', for example). perovskia's naming situation isn't odd, either- she's referred to by her last name because it's the only segment of her name that fits that convention (archaic terminology for russian sage- a plant which is also probably quite different in the new millennium than it was in the 2ks)- it can be inferred that her birth parents probably chose her first and middle name so that she would primarily use her surname. nisa's a bit of a special case- i think her name fits the convention in the sense that it's a family name found in records from hundreds of years ago. considering her family situation it would make sense if this was a convention they had used for several generations. anyway the worldbuilding was just me coming up with cool stuff and then when asked how the cool stuff is all connected going i dont knowwwwwww
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chimaeragryph · 5 months ago
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it's not widely recognized and I'm still doing research on the validity of it but starting to think I entirely fit the profile of Sluggish Cognitive Tempo lol
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