#it’s not about the quality of the explanation

[jellybellygirly]

heartbroken!choso x reader

cw: mdni, smut, angst, kinda yandere?choso, sub!choso (boys pathetic for u oml), jealousy, oral(fem receiving), p in v, heartbreak, dacryphilia? and yearningggg

Summary: You're fed up with Choso's behavior and it leads to a pathetic Choso willing to do anything to get you back, and an even more desperate reconciling

Notes: Y'all this is my first fic!! I'm totes open to polite constructive criticism so hit me up!!

Word Count: 2.9k

He's not sure if your phone was filled with notifications or if you had blocked him and weren't aware of his desperate attempts to get in contact with you. Either way, he feels helpless.

Choso has been rotting away on his couch from the moment he opened his eyes, needing to get out of his tear soaked bed. It smelled like you, your perfume lingering on the pillows like they were taunting him. His soft sheets stopped bringing him comfort when he awoke to a suddenly empty feeling without you tangled in his sheets. Now, all he wanted was for you to steal his blankets when he was exhausted, because then at least he would have the comfort of you.

Discarding his phone somewhere to his side, Choso heaves a sigh that turns into a choked sob. The feeling like a ball of grief in his throat, stuck, not able to be swallowed down.

It seemed almost ridiculous. Choso's heart was broken, no, shattered and it wasn't like you were gone forever. Just yesterday you ended your relationship with Choso, mentioning a lack of communication and something about feeling trapped. Your words hit him hard, piercing his heart with guilt.

You're his first everything, and he's still figuring out how to navigate a romantic relationship, but he can't deny your reasoning. He could be cryptic and needy, and as hard as he tries to understand that you can't read his mind, his jealousy has always been at the forefront of his personality since you started dating.

Choso mulled over your words for the past 24 hours and came to accept that you deserve better. That he could be better, and will be.

If you didn't block his number then your voicemail should be full of scatterbrained explanations and begging for forgiveness. Choso knows he sounds pathetic- god, he is pathetic, but he would do anything for another chance at a life with you. Another chance to have you in his arms, exploring your body before a deep and restful nap, cuddled close but still wanting to be infinitely closer.

Choso's mind feels like a movie of all the times jealousy got the best of him, only serving to sending him reeling with regret. There were the aggressive moments, like when he punched a drunk innocent man in the bar for offering to buy you a drink, or the time he argued with a man in the grocery line for making a pass at you (the guy gave you his place in line). And there was the simple possessive moments where he didn't want you going out without him. He wouldn't even let you stay at his brother Yuji's house party because he felt like knew that everyone was looking at you.

It hit him like a truck when you pointed out his controlling qualities on that night just a week ago. Choso’s tried to be better following your little confrontation, never wanting to make you feel uncomfortable, but you seemed to have enough last night when you two butted heads for, apparently, the last time.

Choso was preparing dinner when you walked out of his apartment bedroom with your makeup done and hair up, seemingly ready to go out. There was no denying you looked stunning, likely done up to go for a night out with your friends. Choso had to restrain himself from taking your hand and leading you back into the bedroom, but simultaneously holding back from letting go of petty comments in effort to get you to stay. Nonetheless, Choso was looking forward to surprising you with a night in... and you took it as him wanting to keep you from going out, spurring the first real heated argument of your relationship. He froze up as you grabbed your overnight bag and forced out an "It's over."

Now he's standing in front of his coffee maker, the filling mug a painful reminder of slow morning afters and soft kisses as the sun broke up the dark of the room through the curtains.

Darting a glance towards the time illuminating from the clock on his oven- holy shit, it's nearly 4pm and he's just starting to slug around after a night of minimal sleep and sobs racking his body so hard his neighbors likely heard.

He tried calling you immediately and his texts sounded just as desperate as he was, but to no avail.

*ding*

Fuck. The doorbell? How could he possibly answer the door right now. But in a split second, that annoyance became hope that it was you coming back to him. Choso sat his mug down so quickly, coffee spilled on the counter around it while he pathetically rushed to the door. He gripped the handle and took a deep breath, opening the door to find... a box. A fucking delivery sitting on the doormat you helped pick out when he finally moved into his own apartment.

Choso's eyes burned with more tears threatening to spill down his cheeks. All he wanted was a second chance. One more try. He would get it right this time. The black haired man picked up the package and set it just inside, cursing the limits of time for not allowing him just one re-do. A way to go back in time and prevent your leaving.

Yet, even in his pain he knows you can't be gone forever. He will find a way to get you back. Maybe find a way to a more stable income and spoil you with whatever you'd like. He'd invest in therapy and become the partner you wished he was-  "Hey, Cho..."

The honey of your voice mixed with uncertainty interrupts his train of thought like dagger. Though the hurt is good, because after all, you're here.

You could tell he was having a rough time dealing with the breakup. By the look of it, he was fairing worse than you.

You were nervous to come, arriving at his open door to see a disheveled Choso facing away from you. Even now his back feels welcoming, especially after a night of reminiscing on the feeling of it when you hug or when you leave pink scratches down its rough skin. Choso's hair is thrown up in an extremely messy bun falling low behind his head, strands spilling out and as he whips his head around to face you, framing his features beautifully.

His eyes look tired and puffy, nose red and he's still wearing the sweatpants from yesterday, hanging low on his hips with a deep green baggy t-shirt slouching on his shoulders. It feels like his dark earth eyes are made to make you regret your actions. The yearning in his gaze almost making you forget why you came in the first place. God knows they've already made you forget why you left.

"Cho..." you start, as Choso slowly walks toward you with a look you'd never seen tug at his brows. He's looking at you like he can't believe you're real.

Words leave you as the equally confused and relieved man gets closer and reaches up to brush his fingers across your cheek, as if to check that he isn't dreaming. He towers over you, eyes searching yours, ready to get lost again. You can barely find the will in you to break eye contact but you manage to look down just slightly, clearing your throat.

Just as soon as Choso was there, he was gone. His touch missing but his presence still right in front of you. You could tell he was longing for something more than silence, and so were you. Here goes nothing...

"I... I'm sorry Choso," You look at your feet, opening your mouth to explain yourself when you hear a whimper escape your now ex. Looking up, you see just how broken the man in front of you is. Wet lines flowing down his cheeks as he cuts you off.

"Fuck, no baby, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you feel trapped," Choso choked out, "I'll do anything to make it better. Just tell me what I need to do. I promise..." and his voice broke. Once again Choso was reduced to a mess, only for you. "I promise I can fix this- us."

You swallowed at the apologies Choso was sobbing, choking on every other word and gasping for air like it was scarce.

"I promise, baby. P-please, just- mph!" It's so familiar, your lips on his. Like it was always meant to be that way, as cliche as it sounds. You gently guide his face to yours, falling back to flat feet after trying to make yourself taller to touch your lips to his. You can taste the salt from his tears as your own start to fall.

It takes a moment for Choso to register what's happening, but once he does he wastes no time sliding one of his hands up to cup your face while the other pulls the small of your back into him. You can feel the passion radiate from where you connect as he asks for entrance into your mouth, desperate kisses leading to sloppy tongue as if he can't get enough of you. As if he's afraid you'll vanish.

You don't push him to slow down, but instead tangle your hand in his hair as the other wraps around to feel the strong back you'd missed so much. Choso moans into your mouth at the feeling of your soothing hand in his hair, another cry in his chest, but this time a thankful cry. Because you did come back. Because he will be all you need this time.

He would never make the mistake of hurting you again. Choso makes this pact with himself as he kisses a line from your mouth down to your neck, sucking while savoring the noises you make. Relishing in the tugs on his scalp whenever he nips and bites marks into your soft skin.

You can feel Choso's tears hit your shoulder and he tucks his face in  the crook of your neck in an attempt to hide it. Settling to cry in a tight hug around your waist as your hands come to pat his head and back from around his arms. Your own cries silently spilling out as you pull him as tight as possible around his neck.

You can hear Choso mumble something into your skin, and you pull back to take his face in your hands, heart breaking at the sight of him, whispering his name in question.

"I- I don't want to be apart anymore. Please come back... please baby," he's begging, but you don't need to hear it. You already hoped he would take you back when you arrived. "You have *hic* no idea how much I need you in my life..."

"Baby you don't need to-" but he's already getting on his knees.

"I'll be whatever you need me to be, do whatever you *hic* need me to do. I'll make all of my mistakes b-better, just... please..."

Choso's looking up at you with his deep earth eyes, like he needs you with his whole being. You stroke his hair and try to not take the sight in the wrong context, failing but not acting on your desire, settling for a slow and happy afternoon.

However, it seems your boyfriend? is taking a similar train of thought as he pulls the hair tie out of his hair and tentatively puts his hands behind your legs. He drags them up slowly, testing the waters until he is sure you're ok with their continued path, gripping your ass and pulling you in toward him.

Choso's eyes are at level with your pussy, and he can't contain a groan as he brings his hands to the front of you to undo your jeans, silently begging for permission with his gaze as you nod at him, letting him drag the fabric down and off of your body.

It's a breath of relief when he sees your pretty panties covering your his pussy, and he puts his head in-between your thighs to breathe in the scent of you. The sweet smell of the pussy he's become addicted to, and learned he can't live without.

You lean against the closed door behind you and tilt your head back as Choso licks a stripe over the wet patch on your panties. Gripping his hair as he makes out with your clothes pussy, you both whining like it's been years when in reality, the short break truly did feel like it.

Just as you start to reach the edge you've been craving, a starved Choso finds the will to break away and weakly look up at you, just to pull down your underwear by the pretty bow with his teeth. As you step out of them he rises back to his feet and carries you with ease back to the bedroom, where he knows you belong.

The half curse lays you down gently on his bed, crawling in-between your legs and shortly after, teasingly lifts his shirt over his head, discarding it on the floor below. Admiring the look of your lover's body and need for you as he leans down to the bare space between your thighs, you can't believe you somehow walked away from the one man that would do anything for you.

"Never leave... please? I need you..." he rasps, licking a thick stripe across your clit, "...this is where we belong, ok?" Choso gently grabs your thighs and kneads as a way to keep them open as he eats like a man starved.

"F-fuck Cho, I promise..." you mewl, pushing his head into your pussy harder, the sounds of Choso enjoying himself filling the air. Choso is messy, not caring if he's sloppy or needy, just wanting as much of you as possible. "Cho- oh, oh my god-!"

Choso's grinding into the bed like a dog in heat, desperately humping in an attempt to find some sort of release. It's been a day, but a day was too much. He can never lose you again. His tongue is swiping frantically across your folds and in and out of your opening that's begging for something more. One of your hands has pushed your shirt above your breasts, playing with your tits through your bra as you throw your head back in pleasure.

"Ah- Cho I'm-" you cry out, making eye contact with the pathetic man between your legs, coming to a climax as he laps up all you give him like it's his last meal. Moaning into your pussy and gripping your thighs so hard you wouldn't be surprised to see bruises tomorrow.

Even as you're coming down from your high, Choso is fixing his mess by licking you clean, then leaving an open mouthed kiss on your lips. You can taste yourself on his tongue, but it's not as distracting as the bulge pressing into your leg as he languidly grinds onto you.

Reaching down to find the desperate mans waistband, you fumble his sweatpants down with his help, immediately resuming your heated kiss as his cock springs free, feeling heavy against your body. You pull away, more like pushing him away for a moment, to take off your shirt and throw it across the room. Choso follows by unclipping your bra from behind your back, perfected from all of the practice he's gained with you, fingertips brushing down your body.

"Mm, baby... missed this" Choso hums, mesmerized, as your bra falls below your chest, exposing your perked nipples and fading love bites. You can't help but chuckle, becoming a bit too self aware that just 24 hours earlier you were still together. But at this moment, nothing but each other matters.

It's corny, but the way Choso looks at you makes you weak. Knowing he would do anything to keep you or to simply make you happy. Knowing that he needs you. Knowing that you need him. Now fully aching, Choso buries his head into your neck, kissing and licking sensual bites, fully ready to make new love marks he'll admire later.

You're not going to lie and say you're not getting a bit impatient. Putting your hand on his chest and softly pushing him down gives him the hint. You flip your hair to one side and lean in for a kiss before straddling his hips and aligning where you need each other most.

Choso's eyes roll back as you start to sink down on his cock, a loud groan escaping his throat. Regard for the neighbors is out the window as you start to bounce, wet noises filling up the space. You clench at Choso's expression seemingly fucked out while you were just starting.

"Fuuuck baby, oh- fuck" Choso squeezes your ass with his large calloused hands, helping you lift and drop faster, chasing a mutual high. "You're so fucking tight, oh my god..." and as you gaze down at him your heart aches, his eyes squeezing shut to let another tear fall.

"Baby, never leave- never leave- fuck..." he's babbling now, thrusting up into you like he can't get enough, "I l-love you, baby. God-! So much..." Choso's gasping between each grind into his hips, choking over his words, wishing he could record your moans to play at will. He can feel you clenching harder and he's groaning through his teeth, eyes rolled back as you whine.

"Cho-! Ch, I'm gonna cum- I'm gonna-"

"Mmh- fu-uck baby cum with me, please-!" He fucks up into you as you slam down on him, crying out as you reach your climax together. Your pulsing pussy squeezing tears from his eyes and cock while you ride out your high.  He's whimpering from the slight overstimulation when Choso tugs you down into him. Wrapping his arms around you he whispers "I love you's" into your hair, and you both know this is home.

[luvvyouforever]

random domestic and modern-ish joel miller headcanons (because he's in my head)

: ̗̀➛ joel is the type to poke fun at your reality tv shows and say "aw, no, baby, why are you watching this?" and then he stands just feet away from the tv, watching the hot new bombshell enter the villa. and then, before he can catch himself, he turns to you like "can you believe this shit?" so then you give him context and explanations for everyone. he'll deny it the next day

: ̗̀➛ joel loves playing with your hair and he's so gentle with it. it doesn't matter if you have shorter hair he can just barely run his fingertips through or curls he can very softly detangle or long hair he can get lost in. also, a little note, because of sarah, he's not bad at doing your hair either. he can do simple braids and ponytails and would help you with his glasses on, tongue stuck between his teeth.

: ̗̀➛ joel never really sleeps in. on his days off, he's waking up a little after sunrise. he slowly peels himself from your warmth and tucks you back into the blankets, ensuring you don't miss an ounce of warmth. he'll make himself a cup of coffee and relax on the front porch, watching everyone slowly start their own day. when it gets closer to your wake up time, he'll make a quick breakfast, nothing fancy, but enough to give his love some sustenance.

: ̗̀➛ joel is like the neighborhood handyman and he loves it. you'll get a call from an older lady down the street whose dryer stopped working and he'll walk down with his toolbox, not leaving till it's fixed. the family across the street are struggling to get their hose set up so the kids can use their new pool and he rushes over with some pipe attachment he had in the back of his truck. such a gentleman <3

: ̗̀➛ his preferred date is cooking a nice dinner inside, setting up candles and flowers and all. the house is quiet, save for an old radio playing music on the kitchen counter, and he gets to sit right next to you, talking about your week. his hand sits like a firm weight on your thigh, not pushing for anything, just there as a comfort.

: ̗̀➛ joel would swear up and down that he doesn't want a dog, that he can't take care of it well with his blue collar work schedule. but then you come home with some big puppy with big paws and wide eyes and he's in love. he takes it out on walks whenever he can, buys it the fancy, unbreakable toys, and lets it sleep at the foot of the bed while you cuddle.

: ̗̀➛ joel lets you decorate the house to yours content. he recognizes that he doesn't have much of an eye for decor and only inputs the odd comment here and there about cabinet color or couch quality. he loves coming home to the warm environment you made, the cozy quilts strung over the back of the couch, and the pictures you have hung up on the walls.

: ̗̀➛ joel is so fiercely protective of you and sarah. if there's a sound at night, he's up in his pajama pants checking on everything. he tells sarah to go in the room with you and he encourages you to lock the door behind you. when everything's all clear, he's coming back to bed, placating your worries with a kiss and a soft, sleepy smile. he doesn't like strangers coming up to the front door and gets to know his neighbors really well, always having backup for you.

: ̗̀➛ he loves a lake day with you. you'll pack up a whole days worth of food, sandwiches and meat to grill and drinks. he'll carry down fishing rods and cast his lines on the opposite side of the shore while you swim around. he gets distracted from fishing by watching you smile in the water and misses his rod getting pulled, but he doesn't mind.

: ̗̀➛ joel's ideal wedding with you is small, intimate, cozy. to him, it's not so much about the decorum, more so about marrying you. he'd like to have the ceremony in a small church, or maybe in the backyard of your house, or at some small lodge way up in the mountains. the reception would just be family around, eating and catching up and laughing and smiling. he wouldn't be able to stay away from you and would rather follow you around the whole night than spend a minute apart.

: ̗̀➛ he didn't plan to have another kid, sarah already filling his heart plenty. but when you handed him a gift box, wrapped with a pink bow and he opened it to find a positive pregnancy test, he realized having a kid with you would truly make him happy. he's as helpful as he can be during the pregnancy, offering to take up more household chores and uses all of his banked up sick days to come with you to appointments.

: ̗̀➛ he nests hardcore. tears apart the old guest bedroom to make for your dream nursery. your house is a flurry of construction for at least a week as he executes your dream to an exact match. he baby proofs the entire house. he builds the baby's crib (this makes me sob).

: ̗̀➛ joel's so happy to be growing old with his family. when he retires sometime later in life, he'll want to use his pension to move out somewhere nice and cozy for the two of you, both kids having been moved out at this point in his life. you watch sunsets together on a porch, his gray hairs having taken over most of his head and beard. he plays the guitar softly for you and he swears he's never been happier.

[theotherrookie]

"They never do. I don't get why adults are like that with kids." Erica grumbled, "Well, that served him right. He should be thankful he can still see other people holding mops or anything else. I used to scratch those who picked on isolated survivors."

She tried liking everybody, but she simply couldn't stomach bullies. They should be better people if they didn't want their butts kicked.

"Oh, I just dress comfy for myself and for Smokey. He used to sleep in the hole on my back, but I don't have it anymore. So we need pockets now." Erica explained, "Oh, I see! Russell always gets in trouble, uh? But I'm glad he's going to be okay."

She scratched at the tip of her ear as she tried to recall anything about the accident Travis had mentioned. "Hey, Willow, how long have we known Russell?"

Willow, of course, provided an answer without hesitation. "Rook met Russell about six years ago. However, the accident in question was never mentioned to me, which might imply she isn't aware of that particular misadventure. It isn't the sort of topic one would so casually discuss with a person they only recently met."

Rook would have definitely brought it up at some point. The topic of Russell's ability to get in dangerous situations and narrowly escaping it had been discussed often over the years and neither had been able to provide an explanation on how he managed to do that.

"And I met him later because I was still figuring stuff out after Willow found a way to reverse my zombieness."

"We were all very busy at the time." Willow said, leaning back, "To think I was only two years old then. Time really does fly outside the matrix."

"You know, we could watch that show together." Erica offered, "It'd be the first time for me!"

Rook stopped to look around while the pocket kept shifting to create a suitable way out of there.

"That would become unbearable quickly. The first thing I did when I learned there was a way to interact with this place was removing the echo." Rook said, "I really didn't have a great time the first time I got stuck in here. It took mum half a day to notice I was missing."

"I only had control over a limited portion of this place. Chick had to keep busy rearranging all my supplies." Veronica added.

But of course, everything had changed when Rook had retrieved one of their lost books from the clutches of the Brotherhood. They finally had access to a powerful tool that made their activities far easier and were a bit closer to unlocking other hunting techniques previously lost to time.

The last few blocks fell into place just as Bill was sent off to enjoy the panoramic view. Veronica figured she would make herself useful while they waited for Rook to tend to her business and shifted her focus to keeping their surroundings stable while they lingered there.

"Alchemy has always been one of our strongest suit. I dare say Erika has a natural talent for it." Veronica said, pride evident in her tone.

Rook wasn't feeling particularly proud of herself, but still managed a small nod. "I'm alright. I see you guys found my pile of gold without the rainbow. Do you want some?"

The coin shined and felt like the real deal. It was made of gold of the highest quality and with both sides decorated with a crude rendition of a bird's foot.

Rook went ahead and dug up a candy scoop she then used to fill a small bag with coins under Lucien's very intrigued gaze. She closed the bag by pulling the strings at the sides, then offered it to Antonio.

"I've got plenty to spare. I really don't mind."

"The one he picked might be worth more than the entire pile, dear."

"Let me splurge, mum. I'm trying to ignore my feelings right now."

Unable to resist to the shiny himself, Lucien quietly took the scoop from her and started filling another bag for himself.

"Oh, please, don't make compliments." Rook said, nudging him with her boot.

"Get off my back. I can make a lovely pendant for Russell with these." The half fae hastily pushed back with his arm, before scooping up a few more coins.

"Then they wonder why kids hate schools." Erica grumbled, "I bet they still tell the story of what you did! That guy must be scared of mops too now."

It still wasn't as satisfying as the guy getting skewered or having the mop broken over his head, but it was enough to get the point across.

"You hardly have the need to go unnoticed, Travis. One look at you is enough to discourage many from trying their luck." Willow pointed, "Erica was raised to hunt. It's only natural for her to be conspicuous despite her wardrobe."

"Yeah, sometimes I scare people by accident." Erica confirmed. Perhaps that choice of words was by accident as well. "If those were the second and third, what was the best news you got?"

"The afterlife is extensive. However, she most likely wouldn't mind making an attempt." Willow reassured, "Mother likes you as well as your brothers. That means her usual attentions will be extended to you all as well."

The need for closure would move the ghost lady most of all. Veronica would have agreed in a heartbeat, if only she still had a heart.

Willow considered her options, before tapping into the radio again. The car lacked the charm and bite of the real deal, but she hoped Travis was familiar with KITT. She hated wasting a good reference.

"Come on, Travis! You can't leave me hanging like this. I'm a marvelous car, but I can't do all the heavy lifting myself. That's your specialty."

Erica's ears perked up. "I know that voice! It's that talking car who hung out with that guy from SpongeBob!"

Willow smiled as she tossed her hair back, "I felt like going for a classic this time."

It seemed like these were typical shenanigans between the two of them.

The pocket dimension was very barren, but was far from still. The fog quietly parted as they walked, flowing all around them like an intricate network of streams. It was something Rook found calming in small doses, though her attention was focused elsewhere.

"There's no ugly moquette or buzzing lights either." Rook added, "It can be too quiet at times. Not that hearing distant noises would be any better. I guess it's good for reading, Antonio can probably attest to that. Or not– I'm still waiting for your review of your stay in my liminal closet."

It seemed like a nice way to divert the attention away from some rather unpleasant memories. That wasn't the time or place to start that argument and most of all, she didn't think Lucien should have been present to provide his opinion on the matter. The fae could be awfully unhelpful at times.

Though Bill was being just as helpful, in his own way. Veronica hadn't meant to follow up on her threat, but now she simply had to.

"Too many underestimate the importance of sound values when parenting." Veronica paused, her gaze trailing over at the inevitable duck comment, "You're simply hopeless."

And about to take a ride in the hard to discern void slide. Rook wasn't the only one able to mess with gravity there. Bill could take a ride and think about the consequences of his own actions.

Lucien was simply glad he wasn't the one falling into oblivion. He would simply turn the other way and let Rook have her moment of privacy so she could replenish her magic battery.

"Oh, I see you started synthesizing gold." he told Veronica.

"It's an old family recipe." Veronica replied, "It's a shame we can only use it sparingly these days."

Rook could do nothing but stand for a moment to watch the way everybody was ready to give her some space. It meant more than she was willing to admit. Then again, she never got too sentimental when her marks whenever she started feeling drained.

Rook silently turned and took a few steps away from the group, before there was a shift in the pocket to reveal one of the few monsters she had the time to catch lately. It looked like a hybrid between some kind of reptile and a rodent with a mantis-like head. It didn't really matter what it was or where it came from. She had found it trying to eat some poor schmuck and it had almost slashed her wing off with its claws. Now it was going to do something useful for a change.

"Imagine if Five found you instead." She would probably be starving. There was another shift as a bright light engulfed the monster, before it vanished into a swirly cloud of energy that was absorbed by her marks.

Rook took a moment to simply breathe, before turning back. "I… I'm done."

She didn't want to drag this on to avoid making it more awkward than it was.

[theaskscenter]

What are your thoughts on people buying designer dupes?

the reason I don't want you buying designer isn't because it's expensive I know people have money it's because of what it says. That being said I think I've said this before but it depends on what designer. The mainstreams? No. Humiliation rituals like that one YSL heels? No. You don't want to go screaming to the world you're a little dumbo Bumbo and attract scammers and gold diggers (you're supposed to be digging others gold not getting yours dug) and cheap. And by cheap I don't mean this didn't cost enough money I mean you have a price. Which is EXACTLY what Hermes says.

THAT BEING said, I should've written than fashion ebook years ago I have 3/4 of it in my drafts then I realized that's too much energy im good AND since I didn't I have to say this again but on main instead of draft where I say it 590600 times- APPEARANCE IS THE MOST PERMANENT AND LOUDEST mode of communication. What you wear says everything about you. So.

If you know for a fact you're broke don't be in Lacoste and Lauren and Hermes, not even dupes. Because they're expensive as hell and the ONLY explanation of how you have it is it's fake and you're faking so you're eager for approval and you can easily be bullied and harassed OR you're a slaaaaaaat for pay. IF you have a billionaire or millionaire dad and everyone knows about it or you look like your have a wealthy background like you have a high end job and study in ivy league or private school it makes sense to be in designer yes so no one cares if it's dupe or real unless you're hanging with the airhead gang that are cheap so they investigate if it's real or not because you're competition. IF you're wealthy but in a LA influencer way you want to be in Saint Laurent and if you want to dig that low, Dior. If you're Mortiz rich you want to be in Lacoste or Armani or Lauren or Benotti type of quiet luxury. NO ONE CARES IF ITS A DUPE if it's high quality and you're not hanging out with cheap people. In which case, go for high quality dupes instead of original because in this recession??? IN THIS RECESSION you're buying originals. Or there's website that sell second hand or you can easily find one in a thrift store in the affluent areas or garage sales or donations etc.

My tip will always no name brands that most people don't know about that are very low key so if you're hanging with those cheap people that need to put a price on everything they can't get the price of it unless they ask the uncomfortable questions and you can make them more uncomfortable for being shallow. Pro buying from Asian markets I have a strong fiery affair with China in general but Chinese luxury and they sell second hand online.

So. Dupe okay. If it's high quality. I do not see the reason tbh but if you want to okay. The most important part is what are you trying to say with your clothes? Does it seem authentic? If it feels fake it could be 580790% original and you'll look tacky and trigger people and face backlash that's unnecessary. What do people perceive as a truth of you? If people think of you as wealthy classy you want to look like you're middle class so you don't trigger Eat The Rich mentality. If it's good ghetto Bronx you want to be the classiest you can but not too far that you trigger the herd mindset and isolate yourself. Do the miniskirt but make it classy. Do the edges but classy. Do everything everyone else is doing but make it classier.

[polysyndetonaddictsupportgroup]

pez dispenser update, yay!

I am Very Interested in the direction you're taking izuku here. He seems to have come out the other side of this breakdown going, "no look! I trust you guys! Here, I trust you guys so much! You can know about the severe injuries I had as a child that never got a police report!"

It's funny to read izuku's pov vs aizawa. Izuku is just like, wow this all needs to end so I can get back to being the Normal And Awesome Deku I have turned myself into, and aizawa is like thirty seconds from having his own panic attack at having a few months to turn this kid into a functional human being.

You can truly tell that with how izuku keeps insisting on that he's got this by himself, with no understanding how crazy it is to expect his friends and teachers to back out and let him take over, that he, still, still, STILL has simply 0 faith or expectation that his teacher is driven to help the little kid in izuku that he's buried so deep down there. That an authority figure who isn't all might wants to save him. I want to eat his unthinking, warped by trauma thought patterns, they are delicious.

Kinda touching that midoriya foresaw and tried to avert the all might conversation issue. Rip, dude really tried, but baby izuku is like one of those puddles in flooded old buildings you can find videos of people dropping a rock in -- it doesn't look that deep, but if you tried to put your foot in, you would be getting a whole lot more than your shoe wet.

Yeahhhhhh Izuku’s really not handling it the best.

Izuku genuinely didn’t keep everything a secret all these years because he didn’t trust his friends. It wasn’t that he thought they’d react poorly or hurt him with the information or spread it around or anything like that. This was purely due to his own internal issues around it.

But they’re three years deep into being in the fucking trenches together. And Izuku very much is considered a bedrock of the class. You can see it in their internal monologues—everyone trusts him implicitly. It’s Izuku. If one of them was going through something sensitive or painful, he’d be at the top of the list of people to turn to. For like, the entire class.

And while Izuku isn’t per se aware of the fact that the entire class views him as the best of them, he is painfully aware of the fact that they’ve opened up to him over the years. And that this is making it look like he didn’t tell them a single detail about his life before he came to the school. Which is fair, because he sort of didn’t.

So he’s overcompensating. He doesn’t need privacy because he trusts them so so much and this proves it, right?? They can totally know the sordid details of the past he’s in active crisis over.

He’s scared that he’s going to lose the people who have trusted him over the years because he seemingly didn’t trust them back. But they all trust him so much that they’re more beating themselves up than blaming him.

Todoroki and Mirio were in that scene like “uuuuhhhh you look like you’re a second from a panic attack we can totally give you space if it makes you more comfortable” and Izuku’s in a spiral like Why Would I Need Space I Trust You Both Implicitly Please Ignore The Obvious Distress.

Fundamentally, Izuku has never processed what happened to him as a kid. He didn’t tell them because he wasn’t ready to confront how bad it was back then. It wasn’t about trust. Telling them meant saying aloud what happened. He just wasn’t ready for that.

And from the path canon took, I don’t really see Izuku trusting adults. His childhood did absolutely nothing to make him think teachers would protect him. And for all Aizawa did right, I think this is one bag in canon he legitimately dropped.

I want to be clear—Aizawa was working at a severe disadvantage. He didn’t even have a lot to tell him the problem existed, let alone how to address it. But it’s specifically the Hero Killer Stain Arc that makes me think that Izuku only would trust Aizawa to a certain point.

After the Hero Killer Stain Arc, Aizawa canonically calls out Iida, Todoroki, and Izuku in front of the entire class. He doesn’t mention what it's about, but he makes it very clear that he knows what happened and that he disapproves. And his criticism is specific: In instances where you are out matched, it is better to run and get help. Iida, Midoriya, and Todoroki need to understand that

The thing is that Izuku and Todoroki both considered that as their first option and then correctly deduced that they'd be burying Iida if they did that.

I will actually die on the hill that is that Izuku and Todoroki did everything right when it came to the Hero Killer Stain. Iida caused the problem, but the fact that he made mistakes was the point of that arc for him. But Izuku and Todoroki?

They both reacted perfectly. And if they had done a single thing differently, they'd have two dead bodies.

When Izuku realizes that Iida's in danger, the city is on fire, Nomu are attacking the train, and his supervisor has fucked off to fight monsters attacking the city. He does not have an adult hero who is free to bring with him, and we know for a fact that he did not have time to hesitate or try to find other options, because he arrives the second before Iida dies as-is. When he's on scene, his absolute first instinct is to run. Izuku canonically clocked the fact that he was out matched, evaluated whether he could safely retreat, and realized he’d never be able to get out of there with Iida and Native. He’d have to leave one or both of them to die.

So he asked for help the safest way he could: sending out the mass text and stalling for time. And canonically, he wasn’t hoping a classmate would show up to the fight. He was hoping they’d report it to their supervisors and get him help, which is exactly what multiple of his classmates did.

Todoroki, for his part, correctly clocked that something was wrong with Izuku when he got the message. And he didn’t just fuck off without telling anyone where he was going. He evaluated the situation, realized the city was on fucking fire and there wasn’t a single hero free to go with them, and told the heroes with him that they needed to go to this exact location the first second they could. And he didn’t have a moment to hesitate or figure something else out, because he also showed up at the very last second before Iida took a sword to his spine.

Frankly, Todoroki and Izuku couldn’t have possibly handled the situation better, but they got absolutely shit on in the aftermath. I don’t recall a single adult who told them they did the right thing, except maybe Native. They had the fucking chief of police telling them they were no better than the guy who tried to kill their teenage friend with a sword and their teacher publicly calling them out in front of the class without the benefit of context.

If I was Izuku, I would have walked out of that entire thing having my preexisting distrust of adults affirmed. Like. There isn’t a world where Izuku realistically looks back on his actions and thinks “damn I really should have left Iida die.” He’s not going to change a fucking thing in what he did. Every single time, he’s going to go save his friend. The only realistic take away Izuku could have from Aizawa’s call out was “wow, that guy is not going to have my back if I have to make a tough call. So if I have to make one, then I’m just not going to him for help.”

Which is kind of where we're at in pez right now, and Aizawa's starting to realize it. Don't get me wrong, Izuku trusts Aizawa more than any teacher he ever had growing up. He doesn't think Aizawa is going to be actively malicious to him. But he also doesn't necessarily think Aizawa's going to have his back.

The crux of it is in chapter 4. Tiny Izuku says that Mr. Aizawa is already on Izuku's side, and Izuku's immediate reply is, "I promise you that Mr. Aizawa has never once been on my side." He back pedals fast, clarifies that he thinks Mr. Aizawa is fair and not on anyone's side, but his knee-jerk reaction is undeniable.

And to me? It's because Aizawa genuinely has not been on Izuku's side since he came to UA. And I don't mean Aizawa has been malicious to Izuku. Fundamentally, the issue is that he misdiagnosed the problem.

Aizawa has spent his entire time with Izuku mistakenly believing that the source of Izuku's issues was the same as Bakugou's. He is only now realizing that his issues were more like Shinsou's.

Fundamentally, Aizawa correctly recognized that Izuku's problems came from the fact that he was raised in an unjust system. But he misunderstood what Izuku's position in it was.

Here's what Aizawa knows, from the jump: Izuku and Bakugou came from the same school. Both have very powerful Quirks. Both have obvious issues with the other. Izuku specifically moves and looks like he had a professional trainer, meaning someone invested in his training as a hero. Bakugou talks like someone who's been told his entire life that the sun shines out his ass and never got punished for being a little shit. Izuku's more muted, but he came from the same school. Two kids with powerful quirks? Likely were getting away with the exact same shit.

When you have an unjust system, you have the people running it, the people benefitting from it, and the people being victimized by it. If the teachers at Aldera were letting kids with powerful quirks get away with murder, both Izuku and Bakugou were likely benefitting from that. And it is absolutely vital that Aizawa undoes that damage before they debut.

He doesn't even need to think Izuku, specifically, was abusing his position in this power imbalance. The damage is done from how the teachers at aldera were likely treating him. Teachers that produce kids like Bakugou tell talented, powerful kids that they're special, that they're above the rules, that they've got something so fundamentally important about them that they can get away with more. Even if you don't chose to abuse that narrative in the moment, that's a hell of a formative experience.

They're about to have a ridiculous amount of power. They are about to be in charge of enforcing the rules. And people who are in charge of enforcing the rules and think they're above them turn into Endeavor.

Aizawa's approached Izuku from a sort of tough love perspective from the jump. He didn't cut him an ounce of slack, and it's because he genuinely was trying to do right by Izuku. No, he's not going to get to smash up his body and make himself a hazard. Figure it out, or go home.

He's had plenty of time to learn how to manage his quirk, after all.

With Stain? I don't think Aizawa, if he knew the full circumstances, would genuinely say the right call is to have Iida's fucking funeral. I think he'd agree with the decisions Izuku and todoroki made. But he didn't have all the information, and, fatally, he didn't ask. He assumed.

He's got three powerful, bullheaded students who end up in a back alley in the middle of the night, having all separately ditched the heroes they were supposed to be joined at the fucking hip with. He absolutely thinks that they either planned it together or that, when they realized what Iida did, Todoroki and Iida went after him in secret to try to keep Iida from getting in trouble--and almost got them all killed in the process. There is absolutely no way Aizawa knows that they actually tried to run and get help at every turn.

Aizawa made assumptions. And a big reason why he felt comfortable making those assumptions was because he thought he knew what Izuku's problem was. He thought Izuku, like Bakugou, had been benefitting from teachers turning a blind eye to his misbehavior for years. But the problem was the exact opposite. Teachers had been turning a blind eye to his victimization for years.

He shouldn't have been treating him like Bakugou. He should have been treating him like Shinsou.

Aizawa's trying to correct the damage of past teachers. If they've spent years telling Izuku he's god's gift to mankind and it doesn't matter what he does because he's a hero and that makes up for it, Aizawa needs to hold him to the fucking rules. He needs him to understand that he's not special, he's not the main character, he's not intrinsically better or more important or above the rules in some magically important way. He doesn't want to hear excuses. He doesn't want to know why this time it was different. Izuku needs to understand that he has to live by the rules too, because he's going to be in charge of enforcing them soon.

But if they've spent years telling him he's worthless, that people can hurt him and it's okay, that he can never, ever expect help from them because he's not worth it? Then fuck, Aizawa needed to do the opposite. He needed the same end result, don't get me wrong--an understanding that the system equally applies to everyone--but he needs to make Izuku believe that the system will protect him again. That Aizawa will protect him. And Aizawa's combing over every fucking interaction they've ever had, and realizing that he hasn't done that, because he spent all his time trying to correct a problem that didn't exist.

I think Aizawa's been beating his head against the problem that is Midoriya Izuku for the past three years. Because Izuku's a hard-worker. He is brilliant. He is a natural leader. He is the fucking cornerstone of the class. He is shining so bright that it's going to kill him, because Aizawa knows how to recognize a star that's burning out.

For three years, Aizawa has tried and failed to get Izuku to realize he can and should ask for help. And he has failed because he thought the problem was that Izuku didn't think he needed help, when the problem was actually that he thought no one would give it to him.

In this last chapter, Izuku finally said aloud the reason behind the core issue Aizawa’s had with him his entire time at UA: Growing up, he thought that there was literally one man on the planet who would care enough to save him. He was the most hero-obsessed boy Aizawa’s ever met, and he thought All Might was the only hero alive he could count on to care if he lived or died.

There it is. The exact answer about every scrap of self destructive behavior that Aizawa’s been trying and failing to remedy for years. Why the fuck would he ask for help when he needs it? He’s spent his entire life living in a world where people wouldn’t piss on him if he were on fire. Aizawa needed every day of those three years to reverse that kind of damage, and he’s out of fucking time.

Aizawa is legitimately terrified that he fucked up and that it's going to kill Izuku.

Izuku’s Quirklessness is the missing piece of the puzzle that makes everything fall into place—which is why he’s so pissed at All Might for not telling him. Aizawa’s actually kicking himself for not noticing the obvious discrepancies in Izuku’s past. The fact that he grew up with a powerful Quirk was the factor that made him return to the same incorrect conclusion again and again. There were enough hints that he feels guilty for not figuring it out anyway, but if he had known about Izuku’s Quirklessness from the start? He would have figured it out in seconds.

Now that he knows, Aizawa’s changed how he handles Izuku. He doesn’t let there be a single doubt about what he’s doing or why. He makes Izuku explain himself, so that way there’s no more miscommunications around what he means. He makes sure to compliment him whenever he does something right—he’s trying to change courses, but he’s panicking that it’s too little, too late.

And now he’s got this goddamn criminal investigation that Izuku wants to bury, and it’s killing him. Because that’s his student, and he was hurt horribly. And his student just cannot comprehend why Aizawa cannot let it go.

And then there’s All Might.

All Might’s conversation with baby Izuku, for me, forecloses the possibility that explaining OfA is a solution here.

All Might really went in and knocked it out of the park with the best possible attempt at convincing Tiny Izuku that he’s himself. He immediately failed, albeit, but he honestly couldn’t have done better.

There he is, Izuku’s lifelong hero. And he’s there to say the things Izuku’s spent his whole life wanting to hear. All Might met him, and Izuku inspired him. He reminded him of himself when he was young. He thought he could be a hero. He was so impressed he offered to personally mentor Izuku.

And he loved him. Believe you are him, because I loved you too much to ever let anyone take you from me. There is a fundamental flaw in your theory that simply no one cared enough to notice or stop him, because I love you with all of me. I would have noticed. I would have saved you.

If there is absolutely anything that could have convinced Tiny Izuku, it would be that. This isn’t about quality of the explanation. There’s an internal issue that needs to be fixed before Tiny Izuku will believe any of this.

And I think Izuku recognizes this, on a level. As much as he and Tiny Izuku clash, Izuku gets him. He can typically predict Tiny Izuku’s exact responses to things.

But he’s never approached Tiny Izuku like someone he can explain this to. He’s spent this entire time trying to cheat code his way out of this situation. He wants Mr. Aizawa to erase him or to go find the Quirk user and find away to negate the Quirk. He’s never actually even considered explaining this all to himself as a solution.

Because he knows that there’s some kind of fundamental impossibility about it. Even if he can’t say exactly what it is, he knows that there’s an internal issue that means he’s not going to be able to just tell Tiny Izuku the truth.

Voice of God, he is dead fucking right about Tiny Izuku not buying OfA and being liable to tell everyone out of spite. Tiny Izuku would have that shit on the news.

Fundamentally, Izuku is aware that there is a deeper problem driving Tiny Izuku. He knows that it’s not about the quality of the explanation. There is something deeply, profoundly wrong because of what happened to him that makes him absolutely unable to accept that Izuku is him.

But Izuku has never known how to solve the mental wounds his childhood left him with. He still has them himself. He’s been burying them for years, and he can’t anymore.

When action opens in pez, Izuku himself is not okay. He’s just… bleeding internally. He knows how to hurt in ways people can’t see. But you can see how much his childhood is still bothering him in his defense of Mirio. He has never been able to let go of what happened to him. The wounds never healed.

And he doesn’t know how to go to these people he loves and tell them that what they’re trying fundamentally will fail, because he knows he’s been hiding this fucking shipwreck of his own mental health for the past three years but they don’t have a fucking clue at the scale of the problem.

At the end of the day, All Might went in there because he wanted to save Izuku. And Izuku told him not to because he cannot imagine himself being saved.

[paradoxcase]

I think I can hear about the premise to something I haven't consumed in its entirety and ask questions about it, and think about what I've been told about it. I don't think there's anything wrong with that.

We've long since established in this conversation that Murderbot has human neural tissue, although I find it interesting that there actually doesn't seem to be a consensus about the basic premise of the series even from the people who have read it - you are here asserting point blank that Murderbot is conscious, sentient, and sapient, whereas other people have told me that it is not at all clear that those things are in fact true, and that a major theme of the series is actually answering the question of to what extent they are actually true. I commented at an earlier point that Murderbot sounded like it would be basically just a human being that grew up with a mostly metal body instead of a flesh one, which seems to be what you are claiming here, and was told that that wasn't necessarily true.

Secunits are designed to function autonomously, much like human security would, but, you know. Better.

You keep saying that they are better than human security, and then later on elaborate in a way that makes it sound like primarily the reason they are better is that they are better able to multitask, but I do have to break it to you that computers are actually incapable of true multitasking. There are basically two ways they can appear to be doing multiple things at once: 1) they have multiple processors, which are all running separate processes, or 2) they are just relying on the operating system to cleverly schedule a whole bunch of different processes so that they take turns while other processes are doing things like waiting for input, or waiting for a network request to return, or sleeping. I'm not sure how either of these scenarios would apply to secunits, based on what you've said. Does a secunit have, essentially, multiple human brains, connected in an array? Or does it have some kind of central scheduling process that controls other processes? This latter explanation would seem to imply a hierarchical relationship of entities of the type that you are claiming does not exist here.

Usually, the advantage of having a computer doing a high-stress job would be that humans can react unpredictably in stressful situations, and a computer could be trusted to be consistent, and not be affected by things like stress and fear and pain. This is basically the main argument in favor of self-driving cars, for example. But it sound like Murderbot is very much affected by stress and fear and pain inflicted by the governor module, so it would seem to not have any of those benefits. It also seems unlikely that a cyborg with a human-shaped body but less muscle mass would not be significantly faster than a trained human, which is the other main reason to use a computer for a task.

If I understand what you've said about the economic aspect of this, this seems to be an insurance-driven economy? The companies that make secunits are insurance providers and won't insure you unless you rent a secunit, and there are no other insurance providers and insurance is required by some governmental entity?

Secunits can learn things like people do, or through very high quality shitty education modules, which are basically downloaded data on things like weapons, killing, hacking, and other useful information. This isn't machine learning bias automation, it's literally just downloading information about how things work and then using it.

This is a little funny, because this isn't actually how humans learn practical tasks, or how to make good judgements. We don't just read information about it online and suddenly have all the experience we would need to be able to do that thing well. That process of gaining that experience is what's being referred to as "learning" in the context of a machine learning algorithm. If the problems ML is trying to solve (the ones that are very hard for computers but very easy for humans) could be solved by just downloading some data and storing it somewhere, it wouldn't be considered a hard problem.

It's a fascinating dichotomy that my dash is like approximately 1/3 people justifiably complaining about generative AI and talking about how we shouldn't anthropomorphize computer systems run by evil corporate entities and then at the same time also it is 1/3 posts about how adorable and relatable Murderbot is. Like, I don't have anything against Murderbot, it doesn't really sound like it's up my alley, but it seems fun. It's just really funny to me

[psilliguykai]

Happy [depending on your timezone belated-] 2nd birthday CCCC!!

I gotta eep now, but I might add some more thoughts tomorrow ^^

For now, thank you CCCC for being my intro to Chonny Jash, and thank you cj for all the awesome community and inspiration and joy you’ve brought me and so many other people. Your music and characters will always hold a special place in my Heart [haha] <33

[ninja-knox-ur-sox-off]

Why do the chaos emeralds spark when Sonic is near them?

I got a doodle comic for that hang on I’ll post it—

[pickles4nickles]

Hey, so, I wanted to help raise a little bit of money for some of the charities helping out with the LA Fires and I think the best I can do is offer some art like how I did with Lahaina back in 2023.

If you donate $20 or more to either Direct Relief, Los Angeles Regional Foodbank, or Pasadena Humane (or any combination of the three, as long as it adds up to $20+), I'll draw you One (1) character (you may have two under certain circumstances) and slap some solid color in the background. Like one of these:

Because I'm also posting this on Bluesky, which has no way of sending images privately, I'm organizing these through a Google Form and sending the finished pieces through email instead of DMs like last time. All the other info you need to know should be over there and it'll help me organize everyone's info a lot better, too.

📝The Google Form!

Tentatively, I plan to have these up until the end of the month, but if Somehow I just get flooded with too many of these, I might cap it or put it on pause. I dunno, we'll play it by ear. That shouldn't discourage you from donating, though!

[usermoon]

e&a

summers in the midwest

[genevieve-and-nikki]

My heart breaks because they did a proper 1 to 1 recreation and she's gorgeous (and the two new colorways are fabulous) but she came at the worst possible time 😫😫😫😫😫😫😫😫😫😫😫😫

[hamletthedane]

*narrowing eyes suspiciously at my own physical health* why are you suddenly super fatigued?what’s going on??

Body: *starts fatiguing faster like a cat chewing on plastic once caught*

Me: HEY WAIT NO SPIT THAT OUT-

[isfjmel-phleg]

🙄

[edelweiss313]

DARK DOME I AM IN YOUR WALLS RIGHT NOW

WHERE IS HIDDEN MEMORIES????

[ginsoakedgirl80]