#Ive been to a reading at uni and laughes so much i cried with friends there

[potatocatullus]

Okay but like, moments of 'ah, I'm right where i want to be right now' Are fucking amazing

[artificialqueens]

Me and You Together, 4/10 (Taywhora) - Ortega

fic summary: The cardinal rule of having flatmates is that you Do Not Catch Feelings For Your Flatmates, because everything inevitably goes to shit and gets made horrifically awkward. A’whora and Tayce both know this, but being in first year of uni and making good decisions have never really gone hand in hand.

a/n: fam this response is crazy it really is…thank u all so much for the love, kudos and comments, i’m so sorry if i’ve not managed to reply to urs yet but know that i’ve read them all and cherish every one and i will get round to replying and yelling some love and thanks at u soon!!! pls enjoy this chapter in which A'whora does not possess the flat’s shared brain cell at any point. that being said, i wish all the readers of this fic a very pleasant italicised ‘oh’ xo

last chapter: January-Tayce and A’whora still had unfinished business from a night out and a hungover morning in December.

this chapter: October- The gang make plans for their first year together, Tia gives everyone plans for the evening, and A'whora has a realisation that will change the dynamic of her friendship with Tayce forever.

***

“Bimini, what is it you’re actually doing?”

A’whora’s intrigued by the way her flatmate’s sitting on the sofa: legs crossed, notepad in one hand and a cigarette in the other, and looking deep in thought. They’ve not long since stretched over the smoke detector with a sock, having long since established nobody in the flat minds them smoking indoors as long as the windows are open. Lawrence is beside them on the other end of the sofa having been to all the lectures that’re required of her already today and has got a bright pink, blue and purple-flecked ball of yarn hanging from two knitting needles, with which she seems to be knitting some sort of cosy accessory. It’s a wholesome picture that’s playing out in front of A’whora, one that’s miles away from the raucous, drunk nights they’ve all shared in the first month of uni so far.

“Okay, here’s what it is,” Bimini starts, clicking their long nails together. “I am making us a freshers bucket list, and I want your input.”

“Ooh!” Lawrence perks up beside them, and A’whora, interest piqued, picks up the bowl of pasta, butter and cheese she’s spent all of five minutes making and crosses the room to sit beside her flatmates.

She knows it’s only been a month so far, but she really loves everyone she’s living with. For a start, there are four of them that take classes at the art college (the ‘art hoes’, as Tayce calls them), so they all get to walk to lectures together and hang about between classes and workshops with each other depending on how their days are going. Bimini is almost always in the flat, with not a lot of contact hours making up their journalism degree, so they’re a comforting presence for A’whora to come home to at whatever hour of the day, always asking how she is and always offering to make her coffee. Tia is sweet and funny (if ever-so-slightly grating to her at first) and they’ve bonded over being the only two flatmates seemingly able to keep the place clean and tidy. Lawrence is endearing and big-hearted, if A’whora spends half her life hoping that her next prank isn’t involving her in some way (Ellie is usually the butt of them). Ellie herself is one of A’whora’s closest flatmates; they’ll often stay up half the night finishing prototypes or assignments together, all while watching a film which they have spookily similar taste in- they’ve agreed on 101 and 102 Dalmatians, Hocus Pocus, and The Wizard of Oz so far.

And then there’s Tayce, who A’whora thinks is both the absolute carbon copy of herself and yet also so different, the yin to her yang. Tayce has been her closest friend in the flat since day one when she booted the door to her room down and dragged her out of her emotional stupor, and that’s really what’s set the tone for the rest of their friendship; Tayce, upbeat and motivating, constantly and infectiously helping A’whora feel the same way even when she doesn’t want to go out, or doesn’t feel like dragging herself out of her room for a chill flat night with the others, or even when she just feels like a heap of shit. She’s such a fun and positive person to be around, relentlessly optimistic and goofy, and she brings out that side of A’whora too. As opposed to during sixth form and high school, where she’d put up a front to make sure nobody fucked with her, A’whora finds that at uni she can be the person she truly is and let her guard down a little.

This includes being open about her sexuality for the first time ever. She’s out to her family (for the better or worse), but nobody else back home knows (not even her friends) and she wants to keep it that way for now. But at uni things are different- nobody knows her here, nobody has these preconceived ideas of who she is and who she has to be, so she’d taken the plunge and been open about everything. None of the others had cared of course, in fact they’d all been too excited about the fact there’s not a single straight person in their flat comprised of four lesbians (Tayce, Lawrence, Tia and A’whora), one bi (Ellie) and one pan (Bimini).

“What’ve you got so far?” A’whora asks Bimini, sitting down on the sofa opposite her two flatmates.

Bimini reads off their notepad. “Casino night, bottomless brunch…get the train down to Newcastle, have a big night out, stay out all night an’ get the first train home-”

“Christ, that’ll be a challenge for me, you know I get sleepy around midnight,” Lawrence chuckles.

Bimini shrugs. “We’ll just get you an IV drip of Ellie’s Monster, you’ll be alright.”

“What else’ve you got?”

“That’s it so far.”

A’whora spears a pasta spiral, tilts her head in thought as she eats it. “Get drunk in a lecture.”

“Aw, good one!” Lawrence cries enthusiastically. Bimini, for their part, frowns with disapproval.

“Wait, no! Not a good one. Not a good one at all. It’s alright for you art school bitches, you’ve got some lectures together and you can coordinate, where does that leave me n’ Tia?”

“I guess that leaves you…downing a bottle of five pound chardonnay on the back bench of a lecture hall like a tramp with a drinking problem,” Lawrence shrugs, A’whora yelping out a laugh as Bimini shoves Lawrence with their foot.

Just then, there’s movement in the hall and as A’whora turns around she’s greeted by the sight of a tired-looking Tayce and Ellie walking into the kitchen. They shrug off their coats and take off their shoes and dump their bags on the kitchen table with a huff before they walk over to the others. Tayce spreads herself out over the sofa that A’whora’s sitting on, thudding her feet onto her lap without asking permission, to which A’whora instantly pushes them off her and gets a glare and a smirk in return.

“Lawrie, are you knitting?” Ellie laughs, sitting on the arm of the sofa beside her.

“Yeah? And?”

Ellie snorts in amusement. “Just didn’t realise we were living with a wee granny.”

“Well actually, bawbag! I was in the middle of making you a scarf because I can’t stand to listen to you talking shite about how you’re cold every time we leave the flat, but I can leave it if you want,” Lawrence explains. A’whora thinks it’s funny how Ellie backtracks immediately; she can’t tell if she’s blushing or just out of breath from scaling their block’s stairs. Bimini gains control of the conversation, tilting their head in intrigue.

“How were your lectures, huns?”

“Shit, thanks for asking,” Tayce groans, thudding her head down dramatically against the sofa cushions. “I don’t know, I just can’t concentrate when I’m getting talked at for an hour at a time. I need to be doing stuff, you know?”

“Feel that,” Ellie joins in, deflated. A’whora can sympathise- she loves the practical elements of her course, but not so much the lectures. She’s glad she shares a lot of them with Ellie, and the two of them can dick about and text each other and doodle designs in their notebooks while keeping one ear on whoever’s speaking.

“Well if you want to be doing something, you can help us with this,” Bimini suggests, explaining the bucket list they’ve been making.

The girls get settled and the ideas start to flow, Lawrence putting her speakers on for background noise as they all come up with new and increasingly more chaotic exploits. Ellie suggests trying every cocktail in Levels which gets scribbled down into Bimini’s notepad, and Tayce suggests going to Levels sober, which doesn’t get afforded the same appreciation. A’whora comes up with crashing the catered halls for breakfast one day, which they all agree is a good idea but the chances of it actually happening are low considering the earliest riser in the flat is Tayce and even she doesn’t waken up til half nine on a weekend.

“What’re some clubs we’ve not been to yet?” Bimini asks, shrugging. “Could put those down, try an’ visit every one in the city?”

Lawrence snorts derisively. “You go to Underground if you want your phone stolen, Velvet if you want to be bullied by fifteen year olds in the toilets, and Crystal if you want to subject yourself to painful misogyny and probably some light sexual assault.”

“So none of those, then,” Bimini murmurs.

“Those are all really het as well, though,” Ellie wrinkles her nose up in distaste. Then her face lights up as she gets an idea. “Oh! Put down Pride in July.”

“Nice one,” Bimini nods as they scribble down Ellie’s suggestion, the others making little hums of approval.

The conversation goes on for quite some time. Halfway through it Tayce seems to decide she’s bored of lying down and instead moves to sit on the floor between A’whora’s legs, asking her to play with her hair. They’ll do this sometimes- it’s a routine they fall into, A’whora being able to style Tayce’s endlessly long, straight hair and Tayce finding the whole thing therapeutic. They have a lot of little routines like this: they’ll sit close together on the sofa during a flat movie night and take turns leaning on each others’ shoulders, spontaneously give each other hugs at random points throughout the day, trace patterns into each others’ palms when the other seems stressed.

It’s nice. A’whora’s never really had a friendship like this, soft and caring and kind. In school her group was the kind that made catty jokes about each other then buffered them with a “love you!” afterwards and took kissy-face group selfies only to bitch about each other on a private group chat mere hours later. If it was a wolfpack then it was rabid and cannibalistic, and it had seemed like a full-time job ensuring she was never the runt of it. What she’s got with all her flatmates now- especially Tayce- makes her feel like she can finally breathe.

“What about the Centurion Challenge?” Lawrence suggests with a small gasp, breaking A’whora’s reverie as she expertly twirls Tayce’s hair into a loose and chunky French plait.

“Jesus Christ, Lawrence,” Ellie mutters in amusement.

“What’s the Centurion Challenge?” Bimini asks, pulling a face.

Lawrence gives a blythe shrug as she elaborates. “A hundred shots in a hundred minutes.”

A’whora ruins Tayce’s braid in shock, her hair untwisting itself from the braid as if it’s outraged too. The cry she gives joins in harmony with that of Tayce’s and Bimini’s. “A hundred shots? You’d fucking die!”

“Not of vodka! Obviously not of vodka! I know we all have one communal brain cell between us but Christ, can one of yous not use it?!” Lawrence protests. “It’s a hundred shots of beer. Don’t shit yourselves.”

“Aw, well that’s alright then,” Bimini pipes up sarcastically. “What’s actually wrong with Scottish people? Is your breastmilk spiked with whiskey? What d’you get instead of Cow and Gate formula, just cocaine?"

“Actually, a hundred shots of beer sounds more doable to me,” Tayce shrugs, and A’whora can feel her relax against her lap.

“I’d need to change it, I can’t stand beer,” A’whora considers. Ellie cocks her head in consideration.

“Well what alcohol do you like?”

“Fucking none of it,” A’whora laughs. “Cocktails. Vodka cokes. Anything where there’s juice to cover it up.”

Tayce twists her head to look up at her, a little twinkle of mischief in her eye. “I think the challenge ceases to be a challenge when it’s reduced to one hundred watered down shots of Woo Woo, Rory.”

As the others blurt out a laugh A’whora glares down at Tayce, but she can’t help but break out into a giggle too when Tayce grabs her knee and gives it a playful wobble, letting her know she was only joking without even having to say a thing.

A’whora’s not sure what time it is when she hears the front door swing shut and Tia emerges from the hallway, her long hair all messed up from the seemingly ever-present wind outside and almost obscuring the bright smile plastered on her face. “Hey, huns!”

“Oi oi,” Tayce greets her from her position on the floor. “What’s got you so smiley?”

“Nooothing,” Tia smirks, dragging the word out playfully. “Just got an invite to the night out of a very cute girl in my MT society…and she said you guys can all come too. Pres at her flat and then out to The Avenue. Evening plans sorted?”

“Oh, love that!” Bimini gives an enthusiastic clap. “Go on then, who’s the girl? Whose night are we crashing?”

“Her name’s Veronica,” Tia smiles bashfully. “She’s so lovely. Honestly, she wouldn’t mind you coming! She’s got one of the big flats over at Gourock Court so it’s not like it’ll be packed.”

“You don’t exactly want to go to a party that’s not going to be packed,” Ellie screws up her nose. She looks unimpressed and her tone is flat. “And even if it is, I don’t know if I’m in the mood for a flat party with a ton of new people, Tia.”

A’whora’s face drops and she locks eyes with Lawrence simultaneously, who’s got an equally incredulous look on her face. “Els, are you unwell? You never turn down a night out.”

Ellie shrugs quietly, not giving much away on her face. Tia, obviously keen to move to the girl she’s crushing on, carries on persuading her. “C’mon, Eleanor, don’t be such a fucking…square! It’s the musical theatre society, we’re just a walking Pride festival who all happen to be able to hold a tune. There’s loads of fit lesbians?”

“Well if I wasn’t convinced before, I sure am now,” Tayce purrs, a little smile appearing on her lips and a cheeky twinkle in her eyes. A’whora feels her laugh come out weakly. She doesn’t know why, but an odd, uncomfortable feeling lodges itself in her gut. She can’t quite put her finger on what exactly it is or why it’s put itself there.

“And there’s gonna be so many musicals on the playlist!” Tia continues to insist, despite being met with Ellie’s sour face. “I know you’ll love it! They’d probably even play stuff from Shrek if you got them drunk enough.”

A’whora can’t help but scrunch up her nose in distaste. “Hey, I’m only coming if they play fucking…normal people music as well. I’m not gonna be sat in a room with twenty white kids trying to rap to Hamilton or whatever the fuck it is.”

Tia rolls her eyes, plants her hands on her hips in exasperation. “Calm down, A’whora, you’ll still get all the top 40 dance-pop shit you love so much.”

“To be honest, it sounds class. And The Avenue’s always good,” Bimini cuts in calmly. A’whora does have to agree with that. They’ve not been there in a while- the bar across the road from the city’s most popular LGBT club- and its selection of early 00s pop princess tracks combined with its deal of two vodka mixers and a shot for a fiver makes it a guaranteed good night out.

“Well it seems like we’re all down, even if this stroppy cow isn’t,” Tia smiles happily, sticking her tongue out at Ellie for good measure. Ellie finally heaves a world-weary sigh, rolling her eyes dramatically as she relents.

“Ugh, fine! Fine, but this Verruca or whatever the hell she’s called better be the hottest bitch on the planet for you to drag us all out with your MT weirdos, Tia Maria,” she grumps. Tia ignores her bad mood and lets out a cheer which the others join in with, and A’whora resolves to interrogate Ellie about her Bitter Betty attitude later on. Preferably when they’re both drunk. That always makes things easier.

In the melee of excitement, Tayce twists round from her position on the carpet, folds her arms and rests them on top of A’whora’s thighs. “Right. You need to come help me choose an outfit if we’re going out. I need to look fit.”

A’whora smiles with pride. “Ooh, personal stylist duties? I’m honoured.”

“Well I’m hardly gonna ask Tia, am I?” Tayce giggles quietly, and A’whora joins in like it’s a little secret they’re sharing. “Or Ellie. She’d just send me out in one of her bodysuit/skirt combos. I swear to God that girl is like Marge bloody Simpson. Open up her wardrobe and she’ll have twenty sets of the same outfit. Serial killer behaviour, that.”

At this point A’whora is laughing so much that it draws the attention of the others, who eye them with suspicious stares. “What the hell’s so funny?”

A’whora gives Tayce a mischievous look. “Tayce just called Ellie a serial killer.”

Tayce yelps in outrage at having been called out, and as Ellie narrows her eyes Tayce leaps up from the floor and tugs A’whora off of the sofa with her. “That’s taking it out of context, you absolute hound! Come on, help me pick something.”

Tayce’s fingers stay curled around A’whora’s hand all the way down the corridor and into her bedroom. It’s a feeling that A’whora likes because it makes her feel close to her friend, and Tayce taking her hand is like an affirmation and a reassurance all in one; that she likes her, that their friendship has reached the level where hand-holding has become acceptable, that A’whora is worthy of being liked, of being someone’s friend- their real, proper friend. The validation sets her heart off like a flare. It’s nice to feel wanted.

A’whora perches on the edge of Tayce’s bed as she scrapes the coat hangers in her wardrobe and throws outfits onto the bed like a tornado, each more gorgeous than the last and all ones Tayce would look stunning in. That’s something that always strikes A’whora about Tayce; just how beautiful she is, how absolutely blessed with the God-given good genes. The way she looks serene and ethereal without makeup, walking to lectures in the morning with the sun hitting her face and giving her skin a glow. The way she paints for a night out and knows how to accentuate everything about her face that’s already perfect, a feat that would seem like an exaggeration if A’whora hadn’t seen it for herself to confirm it’s true. She frequently finds herself having to hold back from giving compliments to Tayce because if she started she’d never stop.

“Okay, first thoughts are…” Tayce announces unnecessarily loudly, and A’whora laughs at the way she’s talking as if she’s a stylist on a morning TV show. “…I’m thinking something black.”

“Of course you are,” A’whora interrupts with a laugh. “Tayce wearing black. How predictable.”

Tayce gives her a shove on the shoulder that’s too hard and makes her fall back against the mattress. “Shut up! I’ll wear something other than black when Lawrence wears something other than purple, how’s about that?”

The pair of them giggle at the joke as Tayce rifles through the clothes she’s shortlisted, holding up a black leather jacket and a black bralet with an intricate lace hem. The combination makes A’whora’s eyes fly wide open in appreciation.

“This?” Tayce raises an eyebrow at her inquisitively. The fact she’s obviously seen her reaction makes A’whora feel a little self-conscious and she doesn’t particularly know why. “Because I’m wanting to wear either my wet-look leggings or my black vinyl skirt with the zip up the front, and I don’t know if that’s too much leather effect stuff?”

“It’s too much,” A’whora nods, physically unable to help her honesty. “Also I think you should wear the skirt because you’ve got good legs and you should get them out any chance you get. But also the bralet won’t go with it because it’ll make your proportions all wrong.”

Tayce smiles appreciatively as she throws the bralet back into her wardrobe as if A’whora’s given her a command and not a suggestion. “See, this is another reason why you’re the queen of outfit advice. Bimini wouldn’t give me this level of honesty, they’re too nice.”

A’whora feels a warmth spread in her chest at the compliment, but she doesn’t show it. Instead she snorts, nods in agreement. “Yeah, because you could come out dressed in a pair of child’s pyjamas and they’d still say they love it. They’d say it’s very Y2K or something.”

Tayce lets out a cackle before holding up the skirt and leather jacket, humming in thought. “Okay, so you’re saying ditch the jacket but keep the skirt.”

“Yes.”

“And ditch the bralet.”

“Yes.”

“So you want me to go out in a skirt and a pair of heels and nothing else,” Tayce raises an eyebrow at her, and as A’whora bursts out laughing and protests she has to fight off a blush at the thought of her best friend topless in heels. Topless in heels and a vinyl skirt. Topless in heels and a vinyl skirt with a zip that could just be pulled down to leave her in-

The heat floods A’whora’s face like she’s been smacked and she shifts on the bed in an attempt at dissipating the feelings that’ve hit her like a tsunami. Inappropriate. Weird. Way too weird. Don’t do that again.

“What about the bright blue fur coat you’ve got? Because you could have an all black outfit with that as a bit of colour,” she suggests, shrugging lightly in an attempt to pretend that she hadn’t just been thinking about Tayce in the way she had.

Tayce’s face lights up and she points at A’whora with one hand and reaches into her wardrobe with the other. “Love that. Okay, top?”

“Are you addressing me? I’ve never topped for anyone,” A’whora attempts a joke. If Tayce can make jokes like that to her then she can do it right back.  

“That’s very clear, baby,” Tayce shoots in response without missing a beat. Before A’whora realises it, she’s flexing her toes. What the fuck is happening to her? She needs to steer this conversation back on track.

She thinks for a second. “You’re a size eight, right?”

“In theory. The amount of pot noodles I’ve been chucking down my neck since I moved in is very quickly rendering that a distant memory, I’ll tell ya,” Tayce says, as she leans against the door of her wardrobe and folds her arms.

“I’ve got a black lace bodysuit that would go with that. It’s a ten so it’ll fit. D’you want to try it?”

“Well despite the fact a skirt and a bodysuit was the very thing I just roasted Ellie for always wearing…that sounds lush. Thanks, Rory Roo,” Tayce agrees, the nickname-of-a-nickname setting off the click of a small pilot light in A’whora’s heart. She’s about to ask if she wants to come try it on just now when she hears both their names being yelled from the kitchen.

The pair of them head back through to find that Tia has changed the playlist on the speakers from the chilled-out, calm acoustic one that had been playing to her early 00’s tunes. Combined with Bimini half-singing, half-yelling along to Murder on the Dancefloor and the blast of the extractor fan as Ellie stirs something in a big metal pot at the hob, it’s a far cry from the calm, cosy scene that A’whora had witnessed in the kitchen some hours prior.

Ellie had been the one who had shouted on them, and she whips around from the cooker when she realises that Tayce and A’whora have come through. “I’m making dinner for me, Bims and Tia, you wanting some?”

“Depends what it is. Come on, talk it up, Ellie. Give us some options,” Tayce shrugs with feigned disinterest, and A’whora can’t help the bubble of laughter that bursts from her mouth as Ellie narrows her eyes at her.

“It’s spaghetti and meatballs, and your alternatives are fuck off or die,” she shoots back savagely, and the whoop of shock and laughter that goes up from the others soars above the music and the fan. Tayce laughs good-naturedly in spite of the barb.

“I’m joking, ‘course I’ll take some.”

A’whora wrinkles her nose. “You’re making meatballs for a meal that Bimini is gonna eat?”

“They’re not real ones, dipshit,” Bimini pipes up from over on the sofa. “It’s that Birdseye Green Cuisine shit, innit.”

“Birdseye Green Cuisine shit,” A’whora repeats disdainfully. “If you ever go on The Apprentice, Bim, Alan Sugar’s gonna shit himself at your selling abilities.”

Tayce snorts, tries and fails to cover it up. When her eyes rest on A’whora they share a little smile, and A’whora’s grows bigger when she thinks about the way they’re both so in sync all the time.

“They’re nice, I promise! Veronica’s talked them up loads, she told me she’s been trying to eat more veggie things,” Tia insists, with an entirely unnecessary namedrop of her crush. A’whora relents and says she’ll have a small bowl before jumping out of her skin as Ellie bangs the spoon against the pot somewhat aggressively with a face like thunder.

Before A’whora can ask Ellie about her bad mood, Tia speaks again as she scrolls her phone to change the song. “Honestly, Ellie, you’re a star for doing dinner. Thanks so much.”

“Aw, don’t be silly, doll! It’s nothing!” Ellie turns around from the hob and bats the compliment away, shooting Tia a dazzling smile in return. It’s funny the way her demeanour seems to instantly do a complete 180 at the praise, and it makes A’whora wonder what’s changed.

She’s distracted, though, by the way Lawrence enters in her dressing gown with her hair up in a towel, obviously having come straight from the shower. She pouts and whines in a very un-Lawrence way as she lingers at the doorframe between the hall and the kitchen.

“Guysss, does anyone have an ID they can give me for tonight?”

“What about your friend? Who was it…Rosé?” A’whora shrugs, and Lawrence fixes her with a wide-eyed stare of incredulity.

“Oh my God, A’whora! I never thought about asking the girl I’ve been borrowing ID from since the start of uni! Thanks for that!” she says sarcastically, Bimini giving a yelp of laughter and A’whora leaning off the countertops and swiping at Lawrence in retort. “She’s using it. She asked her girlfriend and her flatmates for me but they’ve all got plans. I felt like a fuckin’ daytime TV charity advert.”

“For just one pound a week, you could help an underaged child get blackout drunk on triple trebles,” A’whora puts on a dramatic, concerned voice, proud of the way it makes Tayce blurt out a laugh.

“It’s such fucking bullshit,” Lawrence huffs, leaning against the fridge and folding her arms. “I mean my eighteenth’s in five days and I’ve been drinking in parks since I was fourteen, how can I not just be let into a fuckin’ bar?”

“Grow up and order a fake one,” Ellie shakes her head with incredulity, smashing the wooden spoon against the pot again with a bang-bang-bang to get the excess pasta sauce off.

“Just you pipe down, hen, you shouldn’t even be at uni. In fact, have you even completed primary yet?”

The two girls stick their tongues out at each other, a mirror-image of petty bickering that makes A’whora laugh. Luckily Bimini steps in, shrugging as they open their purse.

“Here, babe. I’ve still got my course friend’s provisional from when she dropped it on Gordon Street when she was off her face. I ain’t given her it back yet an’ I’m sure she wouldn’t care if you borrowed it. She’s chill.”

Lawrence accepts enthusiastically, bouncing over to Bimini and thanking them gratefully. A’whora watches her face drop, though, when she takes a look at the photo.

“There’s no way this’ll work.”

Bimini tuts and shakes their head, the picture of casual composure. “It’s fine, babes, they never look properly anyway.”

Lawrence drops the hand that’s holding the license to her side and fixes her friend with an astounded glare. “Bimini. This girl is black.”

As the others screech with outrage and mirth, Bimini waves Lawrence’s concerns away blithely. “It’ll be dark! It’s fine! Asttina an’ you have both got similar…well…you’re both girls, an’ you’re about the same height. Give or take a few inches.”    

“Christ. I’m going to have to just forward roll past the bouncers, aren’t I? Then draw a fuckin’ club stamp on my arm in Sharpie.”

“Oh my God, stop moaning!” Ellie sighs from her position at the hob, bangs the spoon again for emphasis. “Look, I’ll ask Pippa from flat 2, alright? You both have brown hair, so…that’ll probably be enough.”

A’whora thinks it’s interesting the way Lawrence doesn’t shoot something back in her foghorn of a voice like she normally does. Instead she smiles warmly, dashes over to the kitchen where she hugs Ellie from behind, squeezing her tightly at the stomach and making her flinch in surprise.

“Thanks, Ellie-Bellie,” she sing-songs, swaying her aggressively from side to side until Ellie bats her away, flicking the spoon in a way that threatens to shower them both in marinara sauce.

“Right, that’s plenty. Don’t even do things I enjoy for that long.”

“When’s this gonna be ready, Els?” Bimini shouts through as Lawrence lets go. “ ‘Ave I got time to do my makeup before it?”

Ellie shrugs. “If you can do your makeup in ten minutes.”

A’whora kicks her leg out in Tayce’s direction and jerks her head towards the hall. “Do you want to try on that bodysuit before tea?”

Tayce nods enthusiastically in agreement, so they go back along the corridor with a shout to the others telling them they won’t be long. A’whora holds the door of her room open for Tayce and her heart sinks in embarrassment when she realises she forgot to make her bed this morning.

“Sorry about the mess,” she apologies, to which Tayce gives a cry of a laugh in response.

“A’whora, have you seen my room? You’re fine, kid, don’t worry.”

A’whora thinks that’s true- Tayce’s room is a state, but somehow it seems to suit her. Tayce’s room with the crowded bulletin board, desk covered in sweet wrappers and sketches, floor carpeted with clothes that need washed and outfits that didn’t make the cut. The cracked picture frame on her window-sill of the first selfie the six of them all got together on the first night of freshers and the huge cheese plant that sits next to her bedside table, Tayce’s pride and joy. They’re all little intricate shards that join up to form a perfect picture of her personality, and A’whora thinks it’s sort of perfect.

She looks out the bodysuit from its neatly Marie Kondo-d place in her wardrobe and hands it gently to Tayce. “Try it and see. It’s a small 10 anyway so it’ll probably be fine for you.”

Tayce accepts it gratefully and hooks a finger around both of the straps, letting the rest of the material fall out of its perfectly folded little parcel. She gives a little gasp of appreciation as she looks at it. “Oh yes, baby. I think this’ll do just fine.”

A’whora feels good- proud that she’s managed to find the perfect piece for Tayce’s outfit, to help her look as inevitably gorgeous as she knows she will. The smile on her face falters, though, when Tayce shoots her a wink and leans against the wall with her shoulder. “This is gonna get me someone I can pop off my acrylics for, I can tell. You’ve got the best taste, girl.”

“Are you actually going to try and get with someone tonight?” A’whora injects a laugh into her question that she’s banking on sounding genuine, otherwise it comes across as accusatory and that’s not what she means it to be. Or is it? She doesn’t know. “You know how messy nights at The Avenue always get. Last time we were there Lawrence got so drunk she told us she couldn’t see, remember?”

Tayce laughs her off with a shrug. “Well then I’ll just have to be careful with my drinks, won’t I?”

A’whora gives a false laugh, tries so hard to get it to meet her eyes. Why is she so pressed about this? She gets with girls on nights out too, she’s brought the occasional one night stand to the flat. Tayce is allowed to do the same.

So why does she feel ever so slightly gutted?

If her smile looks fake (which it is) then Tayce doesn’t notice, and she only shoots her a smile as she opens the bedroom door. “You’re an angel. I’ll pop this on then be back in five.”

A’whora takes the opportunity of Tayce having left to make her bed, and as she does so she feels lots of little thoughts dart around her mind like minnows, none of them staying in the same place for long enough to be able to be deciphered. She manages to catch a few before they flee away and she clings to them, turning them over in her head: why does she feel so bothered about the prospect of Tayce finding a girl at the party, talking to her and making a connection and laughing at her jokes? Why had it felt like a punch to the gut when Tayce was joking about doing so? Why does she have this part of her that feels like an idiot for setting Tayce up to look her best and knowing that it’s for the benefit of somebody else, somebody that doesn’t know her like she does?

And then her bedroom door opens and A’whora turns around and lays eyes on her best friend. Tayce in her high heels and bare legs and the skirt with the zip. Tayce with her baby blue fake fur coat and her straight, dark hair tumbling over its shoulders. Tayce in the bodysuit- A’whora’s bodysuit- with the lace and the mesh that clings to her chest like it was designed just for her. There’s something about the fact that she’s wearing something that belongs to A’whora that makes something inside her chest tingle, the fact it’s a little piece of her in Tayce’s jigsaw puzzle that seems to fit regardless of the difference.

“What d’you think?” Tayce smiles, all too aware of how drop-dead stunning she looks.

And then the realisation hits A’whora like a train.

Oh.

Fuck.

She’s screwed.

[intricate-oeuvre]

say it before you run out of time || B. Hardy || part VIII

Word count: 1.9k+

Summary: Ben and the reader have been friends since childhood. And along the way reader falls in love with him. But it might be too late when another girl shows up claiming that she’s his girlfriend.

Warnings: someone is talking about dick a lot - dick jokes, hints at adult content; genuinely horrible writing-what can you expect from a person who isn't English native speaker 

A/n: hmu if you want to be tagged in future chapters. u bet your sweet ass that I am listening to Mary Shelly’s soundtrack (and crying)

part I  part II  part III  part IV  part V  part VI  part VII   part VIII  part IX  part X  part XI  part XII part XIII

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

***gif- courtesy of google // if it’s yours hit me up so I can credit you

That night it was meant for you to share the guest bedroom with Rose and Maddie. The bed big enough to fit all three of you.

“We’ll take the floor.” Maddie smirked.

“Why?” you said, confused as to why you couldn’t share the bed.

“Because you are going to sleep late.” Maddie explained.

“Till the last second.” Rose said, grabbing the pillow out of the bed.

There was a slight knock on the door.

“Come in?” Maddie said as you all turned to the door. Rose standing near the bed with pillows in her hands and Maddie spinning on the chair while you were sitting on the bed, hoarding all the blankets.

“Share, please.” Rose had hissed at you playfully.

“You got everything?” came Ben’s voice from other side of the door.

“Couple more pillows maybe?” Maddie called out.

“You got it.” Ben was gone for couple minutes and with a knock opened the doors, this time having three more pillows under his arms.

“Here.” He said giving two pillows to Maddie and throwing the third at you.

“Thank you.” Rose thanked him and then looked between Ben and you.

“So…” She trailed off.

“So what?” You narrowed your eyes at Rose.

“You know… earlier and stuff…” Rose said with a shrug.

“I am not talking about that with you. Definitely not with you.” Ben pointed at Rose.

“Why? Because I saw your boner?” Rose furrowed her brows.

“Rose!” you chided at her.

“What? Was it any good?” Rose looked at you. You looked back at her with delirious look.

“I think I’m going now.” Ben said taking a step back, light blush creeping up his cheeks.

“Good night, Ben.” You said softly.

“Good night. Except you, Rose.” Ben narrowed his eyes at her.

“What did you want me to say if you walked around with a raging boner?” Rose shrugged.

“Bloody hell, fuck off, Rose, will you?!” Ben rolled his eyes at her, giving her a middle finger.

“Stick it somewhere else.” Rose looked at you.

“Rose, you are drunk, stop please.” Maddie cried, trying not to laugh too hard.

“At least I don’t have a boner.” Rose shook her head.

“Are we going to discuss his dick any longer?” Maddie shielded her ears.

“Yeah, what’s up with that?” Ben looked at Rose, trying to understand why she hadn’t shut up already.

“Yeah, Ben, what’s up. I’m sure, y/n would love to know.” Rose said putting pillows down.

“Okay, that’s enough of that.” You stood up from bed and went to push Ben out of the room.

“Hey, I was just getting started!” Rose whined.

“And now you just finished. Shut it!” you pointed at her and then continued to push Ben out of the room.

“I don’t like her when she’s drunk, she talks too much.” Ben narrowed his eyes staring at the doors behind you.

“She talks all the time. This time she has something interesting to talk about.” You rolled your eyes playfully.

“Interesting, yeah, sure.” Ben looked around to make sure no one was listening.

“Did you?” he asked after a moment.

“Did I what?” you furrowed your brows at him. Not saying a word, Ben only tilted his head at you waiting for the thought in your head to click.

“Oh, oh, OH. Shit….” You gasped, your eyes growing big.

“Yeah…” Ben smirked, biting his lip.

“Maybe…” you grinned up at him, taking a daring step closer to him, your chest brushing against his.

“Naughty girl…” Ben chucked, wrapping his left hand around your waist.

“Did you think of me?” he asked, searching your face.

“Yeah… and a lot of other things too….” You answered innocently, looking him up and down.

“You are killing me; do you know that?” Ben grabbed your face, so you would look at him.

“Nooo… I need you alive…” you whined playfully. With light chuckle Ben leaned down to softly peck your lips.

“Not here.” You pulled away from him, fearing that someone might walk on two of you.

“What are you doing tomorrow?” Ben asked.

“It’s already tomorrow, Ben.” You giggled looking at the time in your phone.

“Alright, smartass. Stay, we are having a pool day.” He explained.

“We? Did Nina plan this?” you dared to mention her name.

“Yes, but only because everyone will have major hangover in the morning.” Ben tried to reason with you.

“I really shouldn’t. I have school on Monday.”

“Your houses won’t go anywhere, trust me.” Ben said, holding your shoulders and peering into your eyes.

“I’ll stay if- If there will be pancakes in the morning.” You pointed at him.

“Whatever you want, princess.” He said.

“Princess?” you tilted your head at him.

“Who am I kidding, you are a queen.” Ben sighed happily and with a glance to the side, leaned to connect his lips to yours.

“Dream of me…” you mumbled softly, giving one last peck to his lips.

“Of course...” Ben whispered and gently run his knuckle against your cheek.

Ben turned around to retire for the night, but you yanked on the back of his t-shirt.

“What?” He turned around.

“Give me your shirt. I need to sleep in something.” You whispered and slightly pulled on the hem of the sweater you were still wearing.

“Undressing me? Here in hallway?” he smirked and reached back to pull the shirt over his head. It was like unwrapping a birthday gift. He extended his hand to give the shirt, now standing only in his jeans. For a second you were debating if you should put a show for him by changing in front of him. Ok, you needed to be quick.

With sly smirk you turned towards the shut bedroom door, you crossed your hands and pulled the sweater off of your naked chest. Sending a quick wink towards Ben over your shoulder, you quickly pulled on his shirt.

“That should do.” You mumbled turning to face him again. Ben just stood there and looked at you with this adoring look in his eyes. It looked as if he wanted to tell you something but thought better of it and with light chuckle and kiss to your forehead, bid you goodnight.

After that, even thought, Maddie and Rose were already asleep on the floor, you couldn’t stop your thoughts from racing. And the fact that Ben had actually given you one of his personal pillows didn’t help much either. All you could smell was him. Grabbing you phone from underneath the pillow, you unlocked it and stared at it. What if you wake up in the morning and he will be back with Nina, you’ll be you-the uni student who has impossible crush on her best friend and can do absolutely nothing about it.

y/n: it’s 3:35 and the thought of you doesn’t let me sleep – you typed and let your finger hover above delete button. Biting you lower lip you hit send instead of delete like all those times before. You have to do something while there is still a chance. You putted the phone back under the pillow. And you wouldn’t read the message that adored your screen until you wake up in the morning.

bEnJaMiN: then don’t think of me but think of us

 ****Next morning.

Somehow you had slept so deeply that you didn’t notice that Maddie and Rose had exited the guest bedroom.

“Can we finally eat the breakfast already?” Nina whined sitting down at the table.

“Ben is not here, nor is y/n.” Maddie yawned and poured herself a glass of water.

“Ben is up, he’s going to be here in the sec, but I can start with out that girl.” Nina said reaching for a pancake.

“You finally thought to show up, boo?” Nina raised her eyes up as she saw Ben making his way to table.

Sending a wicked smile to Maddie, Rose cleared her throat and turned around in her chair to face Ben before he sat down:

“’Morning, Ben.” Rose started with fake happiness in her voice that Ben had come to learn was not real.

“Good morning, Rose.” Ben said suspiciously.

“Could you go and wake y/n up? She sleeps like a bear.” Rose said, that fake tone still apparent, but not to Maddie and Ben. Ben wanted to say something, but Rose continued:

“I would do so myself, but you are already standing, so I figured…”

“Alright, but if she’s angry it’s your fault.” Ben mumbled and pointed a finger at Rose.

“You’re welcome?” Rose grinned at him. To everyone else at the table it seemed that Rose was saying ‘you’re welcome’ just because he will have someone angry at him, but between Rose and Ben it meant that she was saying ‘you’re welcome’ because she had just given him an opportunity to spend time with you. At this moment Ben was glad that you had a friend like Rose or Maddie who so genuinely cared about your happiness.

With slight nod towards Rose, Ben looked at Nina. Girl seemed more interested in her phone that to be bothered if Ben was at the table next to her or not.

 You didn’t hear the knock on the doors, so Ben quietly let himself in the bedroom. Closing the doors behind himself, he looked at your sleeping form. The blanket was around your waist as you were sleeping on your tummy, hands tucked underneath the pillows that Ben had given you last night. And the shirt that you had stolen from him had ridden up while you were sleeping, so that your back was exposed to the daylight that was seeping in the room through the curtains.

Not saying a word, Ben sat at the side of the bed and gently let his hand slide down your spine. You didn’t move, but just let out a low hum.

“’Morning, love.” Ben said quietly, leaning down to place a gentle kiss on your back.

With furrowed brows you slowly opened your eyes. Then sat up and looked around, finally letting your eyes focus on Ben.

“What... what are you doing in here?” you rubbed your eyes, felling Ben’s hand on your waist.

“Not even a good morning?” Ben pouted. You blushed and pecked his pouted lips.

“Good morning, Ben…” you whispered against his lips.

“Why are you here?” you let your hand rest delicately against his cheek.

“Rose is helping me steal some time with you.” Ben whispered, small smile gracing his lips.

“I could get used to waking up like this.” You smiled, looking around the bed.

“Definitely.” Ben grinned and stole another kiss from you. This time not thinking about stopping. His hands wrapped around your back as you fell backwards, pulling him with you.

“Oh, you shouldn’t have done that…” he smirked at you and pinned you down to bed, gently dragging his lips up your neck till your jawline. With his teeth he sent chills down your spine.

“Ben…” you sang out, letting your legs wrap around him. He looked deeply in your eyes and pressed that cunning smile of his against your wanting lips. Next second you were pushing up his shirt, suddenly hating how it felt against your hands. Ben didn’t protest, silently pulled off his shirt and just got faster back to your lips. You were finally able to touch his chest, running your hands along his muscles. It felt as if you couldn’t get him close enough. Pulling, grabbing at each other, moaning into each other’s mouths.

“Still got them on, don’t you?” Ben mumbled against your neck as his hand slid down your waist and side of the leg.

“Why don’t you see for yourself…?” you grabbed his hand and along your own dragged it down the front of your body till you stopped at the hem of your lace panties.

~~~~~~~~~~

and I oop...

tags: @brianandthemays @sara-1705 @queen-turtle-boiii @rogahloveshiscarr @radiob-l-a-hblah @scarsout @babydazz @mercurycrowley @drowse13 @ironicallyrog @moe-jazzello  @forbbidensunlust @virtualsheepeat @vanitysfairr @luvborhap @loveandbeloved29 @destiel-stucky4ever-loki-queen @blind-melon-taylor @jazzman-19 @happyvoidhumanhands

[angrylizardjacket]

ask your destiny to dance [17] {Roger Taylor}

[masterpost]

It takes Roger exactly two weeks to realise he doesn’t know Ash nearly as well as he thought he did. There’s a lot to glean about a person from their room, and what they say, but not everything, not even close to everything.

“So I guess you’re working tomorrow?” Roger asks, leaning against the bar as Ash polishes a glass. It comes as a surprise when she makes a face, shaking her head. “We’re going on a pub crawl, if you wanna come along then.” 

Ash takes her time before answering, hanging up the glass and pulling another from the rack before she finally speaks.

“I can’t, I’m busy, sorry.” And she sounds... uncomfortable about it. Roger’s never known her to be uncomfortable about anything that didn’t relate to her home life, and she can see the moment he jumps to that conclusion. “I’m going to Paris in the afternoon,” she says quickly, and Roger’s taken aback, “I don’t get home until late; train times, you know?” 

“A day trip to Paris?” He asks, and Maureen leans over to Ash with a small smile.

“Is that where you go on those Saturdays? That’s cute, Ash, little routine trips to France.” She flicks Ash with the end of her tea towel, to which Ash smiles despite herself, blushing and flicking Maureen back.

“Oi, I’m just going to Paris, nothing cute about it. I’m allowed to have hobbies, you know.” She argued back, and Maureen snickered, smiling fondly at the ginger before she tucked her tea towel into her back pocket and went back to cutting lime wedges. “I’m going to The Louvre.” Ash explained to Roger, cheeks still faintly pink.

“The Louvre?” There was a surprise in his voice that Ash had expected, and when she looks up at him, she still seems a bit defensive.

“There’s free entry once per month; first Saturday at six.” She pauses, and when his expression brightens, hers falls and she feels like she’s said too much.

“Do you go every month?” He sounds delighted at the prospect, and Ash wants to defend herself, but then he says, “you shouldn’t be catching the train so late, it’s dark even at six, love, you must get home at like midnight; just let me drive you.”

“Rog, you don’t need to do that,” but her grin is more relieved than anything else, the tension leaving her shoulders as she goes back to her work, “you guys are going out tomorrow, and besides, it’s not like I’ve never done it before.” 

“I can get on the piss with them any time; this only happens once a month.” And the way his words make Ash smile, quietly pleased, he’s already pretty sure it’s going to be worth it.

Things between them have been... weird. Good weird, sure, but that doesn’t make them less weird. They haven’t really had time for an actual date yet, they just sort of show up at each other’s homes and watch TV and make out whenever they don’t have work or rehearsals of a night. It’s been good, it’s felt safe. 

When Ash sits on the curb outside of her dorm, she feels nervous more than anything else. It’s not a feeling she’s used to; she’s never been nervous around Roger before; it takes her probably too long to realise how much she wants this to go well. When he shows up, just after midday, he’s beaming from the second hand station wagon that he’d gotten since recording the album. There’s a map in the passenger seat.

“I’ve driven there before, but not for a while, you’re going to have to direct me.” He advises as she buckles her seat belt, putting her sketchbook and thermos by her feet and unfolding the map.

It’s a long drive, just over five hours, and Ash is nervous for about three of them, which is only compounded by getting lost twice, and eventually Roger pulls over.

“You’ve been tense since I showed up; what’s wrong?” He asks, and Ash sighs heavily, picking up her thermos and pouring herself a small cup of tea.

“I don’t exactly go blabbing about the fact that I make semi-frequent trips to Paris, alright?” Ash admits, and she takes a sip of her drink, looking out through the windshield. Roger’s not sure what that means, how to respond, and after a minute, she adds, “Freddie doesn’t even really know.” And she finishes the tea, putting the thermos back, and Roger’s still quiet. When she finally looks at him, his expression is fondly amused.

“You’ve made me feel all special.” It’s far too genuine to be a joke, and Ash lets herself smile back, rolling her eyes at him.

“Don’t let it go to your head.” She warned, and Roger’s smile sharpened as he pulled back onto the road.

“Too late.” But he reaches over to rest his hand on her knee as she opens the map up again, and her heart grows warm, her anxiety easing. They turn up the radio for the rest of the trip; Ash hums along to the songs she only knows the tune of without too much hassle, yet somehow can’t seem to actually sing a note to save her life. She finishes butchering Elton’s Crocodile Rock at the top of her lungs, and Roger’s sides hurt from laughing, and she’s grinning in a way that means she knows exactly how terrible she is and how much it amuses Roger.

“I have other skills.” She says dismissively, grinning with her nose in the air as the radio host announces another song, and instead of answering, Roger sings along to the radio like he’d written the melody himself. “Showoff.” Ash laughed, and Roger’s eyes crease as he grins.

“I don’t have other skills, I gotta make use of this one.” He replied, lightly, and Ash’s expression softened.

“Oh shut it, you’ve got at least two other skills, probably.” She played along with his joke, watching him as he sings along to the rock song blaring from the radio, and it’s relaxed and easy, and she finds herself wondering why she’d been so worried just a few hours before. 

They hit Paris at a quarter to six, and grab some fast food before heading to the gallery. There’s people everywhere, and the line isn’t exactly short to get in, more than a few of them are uni students like them, looking to get in for free, and Ash says hi to a few; the fact that she goes here enough to know other people who do this regularly to is still something that baffles Roger a little. He’s worried she’s getting nervous again when she takes his hand - they’re not the sort of people who hold hands - but when he looks at her, her eyes are shinning and bright as she looks up at the building; she’s excited. 

Ash goes quiet in the gallery, looking around with wide-eyed reverence at the works around them. They move past the entrance slowly; Ash gazes at the works with their plaques memorised, while Roger reads them, fingers laced with hers. 

“Oh, hello.” Voice reverential, Ash greets a statue at the end of the hall like an old friend, and introduces Roger as such. “This is the Venus de Milo, she’s almost two thousand years old, god, look at that marble work, imagine how sharp it would have looked back then,” and then it’s like she’s opened a floodgate, and she’s tugging him along, rambling along the way about each piece they pass, little facts not on the plaques, things she can cite from the top of her head. Above everything, she’s passionate, pulling out of his grip to clutch her hands to her chest and looking up at headless sculpture of what Roger thinks is an angel, and what Ash clarifies to be The Winged Victory of Samothrace.

“Isn’t she beautiful?” Ash’s moon-eyed gaze was focused on the statue’s marble garments, but Roger’s only got eyes for her. When he doesn’t answer, she looks to him, catches the way he’s smiling at her, and she feels her cheeks heat up. “What?”

“You really love this stuff, don’t you?” It’s a sincere question, and it’s as if he can see her responses flit through her mind, sarcastic, dismissive, an eye roll, flippant, she passes them all, takes a moment to really look at him, taking her time to breathe in the whole situation before responding.

“More than anything.” It’s a sincere answer, and it catches him off-guard. Ash is many things, but unapologetically enthusiastic is not one Roger’s familiar with.

Turning on her heel, Ash leads further in to the gallery, but it’s finally hits him how much this means to her, this place, these works, bringing him here. They’d been together for barely a fortnight, but they both know it’s felt so much longer than that; she’d taken a gamble, bringing him, he has no doubt she’d have left him in London if she didn’t want him to come along, and something tightens in his chest. 

He doesn’t dwell on it, he takes it in stride well enough, peppering her with questions along the way that she seems thrilled to answer. Tucking her arm into his, they make their way through the building, the babbling turning to banter easily as Roger provides his own commentary on each piece as they pass, which serves to make Ash laugh.

They get to a small painting on the top floor with a border that looks bigger than the picture itself, and Ash has gotten quiet again. 

“Who’s this?” Roger asks, the two of them stepping close to get a closer look.

“The Lacemaker.” Ash sounds a little awed, and when he looks down at her, Roger sees how fondly she’s smiling at the little painting. “She’s my favourite.” 

“’course she is, she’s like you.” Roger answers easily, and Ash makes a face, laughing a little self consciously.

“No she’s not, shut up.” She doesn’t sound like she believes him, a bit of a laugh in her words, but she’s resting her head against Roger’s shoulder and he wraps an arm around her.

“Same focus.” Roger muses, and when Ash looks to him, surprise and confusion on her face, he just grins. “When you sew, you’ve got the same look on your face, same focus.” He explains, and there’s something in Ash’s awed expression that he can’t place, and she pulls away from him too fast for him to really identify it.

She’s pretty sure she loves him.

It’s fucking terrifying.

She can’t look at him, stepping out of his grip as she feels tears well in her eyes as her emotions overwhelm her, not that it’s an uncommon occurrence, Ash has never set foot in an art gallery and not cried, but Roger didn’t need to know that. She’d really been doing well today, too. Usually she gets lost in the scope and detail of The Wedding at Cana, or even comes to obsess over the little details of The Lacemaker, but she’s also usually alone and can get away with it. 

“That’s- Rog, that’s really sweet of you to say.” And he can hear in her voice that she’s trying not to believe him, that she can’t let herself believe him. And when she turns back, she’s wiping at her eyes, and he wants to try and comfort her, but she’s already walking past him briskly, leading to the next painting.

“There’s something I’ve... well, I’ve always wanted to try here.” He hears her say, voice firm as if she’s trying to move quickly past whatever the moment she’d just had was. She leads not to the painting, but to one of the weirdly low, backless sofas that are scattered around for people to view the paintings from. This one’s empty; Ash looks around for security, and seeing none, steps up onto it. 

“And what’s that?” He asks with a smirk, the sofa giving her only about two inches of height on him. He doesn’t ask why she’d almost started crying, and for that she’s thankful. Instead, his hands come to rest on her hips, and he’s smiling at her in that way that sets her heart aflutter.

“Don’t ruin this.” She warns very quietly, amused smile on her lips, and Roger quirks an eyebrow.

“Ruin what?” He asks, shooting for innocent, a million different things running through his mind that could make her smile, but would definitely ruin the moment; he bites his tongue. 

Ash cups his face in her hands, and she can’t help but laugh as she leans in to kiss him. It starts sweet and tender, her lips soft against his, but he wraps his arms around her, pulling her close and deepening the kiss. There’s people moving around them, most ignoring them, some stare, but neither of them seem to care. She tastes mostly like the tea she’d sculled in the car when they’d arrived, and she’s got a hand in his hair when he presses kisses from her jaw, trailing down her neck, and she laughs, a little giddy. He pulls back, if only to see her bright eyed and blushing. 

“Let’s go home.” She says softly, and Roger’s never agreed to something so quickly, his heart elated to see Ash giggling and mischievous as they backtrack through the gallery, knowing that he and the art were the things that made her smile like that. 

“I didn’t ruin it.” He sounds a little smug when he says it as they walk through the streets of Paris back to his car, and Ash glances at him out of the corner of her eye, snorting.

“I could see you holding yourself back from a one-liner about pinning masterpieces to walls or something like that; I appreciate your discretion.” She tells him, deadpan, and Roger gives her a self-satisfied grin.

“It certainly wasn’t easy.” He agrees, but she still reaches out and takes his hand. When they get to his car, he goes to head around to the driver’s side, but she pulls him back for a moment, pressing a kiss to his lips. After a moment, he’s got a hand on her hips, pressing her against the side of the car, and she sighs against his lips, her arms around his neck. Her legs slide open easily as she pulls him closer, letting him slide a knee between her thighs.

“Christ,” Roger breaks away from the kiss, murmuring the word against her neck as her nails graze his scalp.

“Thank you for today.” She whispers softly, and he can hear the smile in her words. He presses a kiss to her shoulder.

“Any time, love.” He steps back from her, enough to see her fond smile, and to give one in return, before he heads around to the driver’s side and they both get in the car.

It’s well past midnight by the time they get back, and Ash follows Roger up to his flat with a yawn, flinching as the door opens and Brian, Freddie, and John all greet them with a cheer, obviously taking a pit stop in the middle of their pub crawl.

“I was starting to sober up; the walk between the last pub and the next is directly smack bang in the middle of here.” Freddie claims with a surprising amount of confidence considering his words make no sense.

“No- this place is on the way to the next pub.” John corrects, and Ash has to giggle at the sight and sound of a drunk John Deacon. It never fails to amuse her, he’s surprisingly confident and well spoken.

“Yes! Deaky is right! You two can join us!” Freddie brandishes and subsequently spills on Brian, who’s sitting beside him.

“Go if you want, I’m knackered.” Ash yawns, giving Roger’s shoulder a nudge, moving past him to his room.

“Actually, I think I’m right, I’ve been driving for a while,” Roger says, making to follow Ash, only to hear Freddie boo loudly, and John call out after them.

“Where’d you guys go?” He asks, and Roger answers over his shoulder.

“Art gallery.” He answers, and he hears Ash snort from his bedroom.

“That’s... Rog, that’s surprisingly cute, didn’t know you had it in you.” Brian smiles at him, and Roger feels a little patronised by the pride in his flatmate’s voice. He flips Brian off, along with the rest of them, since John was grinning like the cat who got the cream and Freddie looked like he was three seconds away from actually ‘awe’ing. 

“Did you kids have fun?” Freddie calls, sounding nothing so much like his own mother, wearing a shiteating grin, which only got wider as Roger told him to piss off, slamming the door once he got into his room. 

Ash was standing by his bed, pulling off the shorts she’d been wearing all day, already wearing one of his shirts. Roger can hear the others on the other side of the door already laughing and talking about something else, all three of them trying to convince themselves to get up and move on to the next pub. She gives him an amused smile and Roger just rolls his eyes at his friends’ whole situation.

They don’t speak, though Ash’s yawn triggers one in Roger, and when he’s stripped down to his boxers, she’s waiting for him beneath the covers. When he kisses her, it’s a thank you for the day, and she hums a soft, contented noise against his lips. They’re too tired to even fool around, and Ash wraps her arm around him as he turns to lay on his side, pressing her chest to his back, pressing a kiss to his shoulder blade before they fall asleep.

the ususal suspects: @deakydickfanpage @hollyissuchahoe @laueecakee @smittyjaws @crystalshines2909 @i-am-sarah @legendsaresooftenwarnings @2ptonpt @benhardy24-7 @maiilovely @mickey-yr-a-goner @butter-times @heyyouitskay @tired-eyes-fairy-lights @yepimthatperson @missieluvsmurder @ironqueen98 @ceruleanrainblues @banhbao329 @fantasticchaoticwho @ko-kitty @seven-seas-of-hi @mimisfangirlfantasy @aadjuric @rogmobile @cardybenhardy @snacfu @perriwiinkle @the-strange-fan-girl @finite-incantatem-7 @tapetayloe @florencewelchismybiggod

[hyunarkarchive]

oh my stress;;

“'tis i, a writer, togetherslapper of words.” 

knowing that my own five year anniversary at rookies is in about two months makes me actually really emotional, and most of you know, i don’t really get emotional about stuff like this.

i’m here to talk about all the fucking shit storms i brought. starting from good ol’ ellyrk, who turned into yuriirk and currently known as hyunark, as well as, rkxwoozi, aka jihoonrk, fucking namtaerk, eunwoork, minhyunrk, younghyunrk 1.0, junhoerk aka younghyunrk 2.0. i am about 100% sure i’m missing someone BUT YOU KNOW, we can let that muse stay in dungeon vile. 

not even 10 minutes later 

oh yeah- minhork was it? minhxrk??? idk what his url was, shortlived lovely muse i tell you. jisungrk was a thing for like 6 months. however, as you can see, i have a lot of muses, 11 in total, well 8 if you remove younghyun 1.0 & 2.0 and jihoon.

its been nearly five years since i joined rookies and ive made a lot of memories here. good, bad, amazing, mediocre. a lot of memories than pretty much just range. can you believe i’ve actually cried a few times about rookies related thing? yeah, me neither, but here we are hahaha. i will probably not edit this at all, so if you see spelling mistakes, or maybe something is repeated, just ignore it please, its from the heart.

this place really helped me develop my writing, vocabulary and definitely social skills. i might suck at threading and replying on time, but i have to say, all the muns here are amazing!!! i remember when i first joined, oh boy was i fucking terrified of the fact that i SUCKED at writing. i was so cautious about what i write and how i spoke and i think some of you could remember it haha. i’ve also managed to make some amazing friends throughout my stay here, all of them older than me, as well haha and i was babied so much i always found it funny, but very thankful because some of the life lectures i got where definitely needed.

however, i will take a few minutes to write about the last three standing; hyunark, jihoonrk and younhhyunrk

hyunark: 

my first ever tumblr muse. my first rookies muse. my longest standing muse. she;s gone through a lot, and honestly, she will continue to do; i wasn’t all that good with her in the beginning, now i see a lot of gaps and weird stuff whenever i have to go read something to remind myself of events and so on. however, i really love her, and i’ve gotten a bit too attached to her haha. can you blame me tho? from ellyrk, to yuriirk, now hyunark, there have been alot of ups and downs but i am happy where she’s come. to being a potential walking scandal, to being in two survival shows, to being the first muse at rookies to not be offered a contract renewal, to another survival show, to a nova trainee after being cut short twice by hyunbin. she had gone through alot of character development and its shaped her a lot better than i ever could, for which i need to say my thanks to the mods of rookies for it, because without them, hyunark would probably be headed in a completely different direction haha. however, she still focuses on producing, writing lyrics and ever since she got into nova as a trainee, she’s focused on her dance as well because she doesn’t wanna be called an uncooked noodle anymore. her dream is to be a recognized producer and lyricist, and will fight for that title.

jihoonrk:

jihoork was previously known as rkxwoozi. i even used his original blog when i re-applied with him;; he lasted a bit under a year in all honesty the first time and i specifically remember that the reason for that was being signed under trc. it was a pretty unfortunate time for him to be signed, with all the scandals that happened and what not. i was a tad regretful that i dropped him to be honest, which is all the reason to why he was brought back. tbh, he didn’t change in that like 6 months gap he was away. he was the same moody gremlin everyone knew and loved. if you had asked me, a few years ago if i thought jihoon would debut, i’d laugh and say no fucking way, but here we are, when he is a member of convex and got to debut with his longets lasting friend, sehun and best friend seungcheol. so he is living the dream you know? even if he doesn’t show it, he is grateful and appreciates everything that’s happening around him and to him. his main goal right now is to be the variety ace of convex and is working slowly to achieve that goal.

yonghyunrk:

ahhh here we go;; my last muse who had to undergo something similar to jihoonrk;; i brought him in, because i had this idea of a metal head, who really just wanted fame and girl and guys. however, stuff happened, i couldn’t get him to have threads i wanted and so i dropped him. again, i pretty much reapplied a few months later with junhoerk which was basically younghyunrk 2.0 and eventually, i realized that the muse deserved its original fc and here we are again with younghyunrk. to be honest, i don’t even know how i managed to get him to go to mga4, but he went and caused chaos with chungha and we all know how much fun he actually had haha;; he still doesn’t like dance, and will probably not enjoy it until he gets signed and coach tells him he can’t dance and JUST out of spite, he will get better at it. ultimately, he wishes to debut on a band, he wouldn’t really mind if he gets placed at any instrument, as long as he gets to sing. he still wants to reach paradise city, as guns ‘n roses have said.

quick mentions to some of my other muses as well. its funny how all my other muses lasted for months as well;; honorary mentions will go to namtaerk, minhxrk and probably minhyunrk, i won’t be really talking about them, so focusing on eunwoork and jisungrk;

i can without a doubt say that these are my more interesting muses, or eunwoo at least. her dream was to become a musical actress and was a serial dater; she’d date a lot of people, girls and boys, and wouldn’t really bat an eyelash once it was all over. never really had long term relationships either. she was into photography and her photography instagram was more popular than her personal one and she didn’t mind haha.

jisungrk wanted to be a professional football player and he was never really interested in becoming an idol, which made him fun to play. however, he was a really young muse, i think i made him 16? yeah, i think he was 16 and after that i realized i can’t do young muses;; its just weird for me, i have no clue what middle school kids actually do haha, i remember i just slept and did nothing all day, didn’t even study whoops. 

but yeah, these two muses were very short lived but fun and i think that one day, if rkforthmuse is allowed, i highly doubt it, i will bring back eunwoork because she deserved more attention than i ever gave her.

now i will do a few mentions, by a few i mean it will be a lot;; i’m sorry if i get sappy or anything;; please accept my love <33

ABBIE - @seungcheolrk​ & @rkwon​ & @rkgwen​ - sunshine, my lovely amazing sunshine;; thank you. thank you, thank you. its been nearly five years of friendship, can you imagine it? soon, in just two months, it will be half a decade and i am extremely grateful;; i can’t explain it and i know that even saying it on a daily basis to you, it won’t be enough;; its funny how we started talking through rksoo and ellyrk, and now here we are, four years later, rkjicheol being in the same company, debuting together, in the same group. in all honesty, i remember when i dropped jihoon and then picked him up after like, literally two months, and it was one of the best decisions i ever made. i always have fun talking to you, plotting and threading and i honestly wish i did it a lot more than i currently do, but you know, uni is kicking my ass hasljdhlas anyway;; thank you, sunshine, thank you a lot and for these almost five years i love you a lot 🍅🍅🍅

HUNNIE - @yutark​ & @rksunwoo​ & @rkseokwoo​ - where do i even start?? like, oh wow, there is A LOT;; i can definitely say, we started talking when i suggested jihoon as sunwoo’s first kiss and look where the are now? dating, for what? seven months, can you believe that? SEVEN!!! this is insane haha;; and look and where we are now, talking on a daily basis, and its very very nice;; i don’t know what i would do nowadays without you, so i’m really really thankful you deal with my sorry ass so much ahdsdsalla it started with jihoon and sunwoo, then it transitioned to younghyun and yuta, and most recently, its been yuta and hyuna and their lil game of cat and mouse;; its always fun plotting with you, threading, talking, everything really;; and i really hope it will continue to be this way;; i love you

LYN - @rkxsnn & @rkavery - hello there mum!!! impressed im starting with you? anyway, i have A LOT OF THANK YOUS TO TELL YOU, starting from dealing with me, to helping me get through college, to life advice, to all the skype calls we had, a lot of things in these past few years. even if we don’t talk as much and i know you have life kicking u in the ass, i wish we could change that soon;; i miss you a lot;; all of your muses are amazing and i absolutely adore them, as much as i do you!! hmu soon;;  minsoo and elly were iconic, and he will forever be a huge part of her;; remember that mino and taehyun ship we had? good angst times lbr.

JEN - @yujurk - sup there mum number 2 even though i act older than you, you can’t even lie about that haha; you were one of the first people i started talking to in rookies, and still do on a weekly basis? daily? you get the point haha;; damn, i don’t think we ever argued as well, which is insane and you do give good advice and oh my god your muses are so funnnnnnnnnn bring all of themmmmmmmm innnnnnnnnnnnnn;; i’m so so happy that you came back to rookies after that hiatus;; really really happy;; jieun and hyuna are iconic partners in crime;; jihoon is grateful that jieun taught him how to sing;; hyuna thinks soyeon will forever haunt her, no doubt;; jkook is forever jihoon’s bunny you can fight him about it;; eunwoo says jkook never took her on a date, she’s upset about it haha

CLARA - @rkwendy​ & @rkjohnny​ - clara clara clara. you really love having me send the group chat into gay panic huh? i will forever continue to do it, do not worry. once a week sound good? hahah;; i wish we talked more than we do lately, but its always fun no matter what it is;; i also know for sure, you have my back and we can take over a country if we tried hard enough lbr;; i think we mainly stared talking when the brosquad/antisquad happened, which was pretty much when i joined rookies haha;; so again, nearly five years of friendship look at that!! we need to talk more and you need to tell me more baking recipes!! i think it was hyuna and wendy that we first got to interact and then wendy and jihoon and funny enough, i feel like jihoon and wendy are closer than hyuna and wendy haha;; then younghyun joined the picture to fully annoy wendy out of this word;; we need to thread more sobs;; lets make that happen yeah?

SHINOBI - @rkkangjoon​ & @rkgray​- hello there shinobi. i think our meet up scenario was the same as with clarea, huh?  brosquad/antisquad;; we should talk more, that’s a definite but i think that with hyuna&kangjoon we have gotten a lot closer than before and its really cute and nice and i love it qwq gray and hyuna need to release a hit song someday, we better make that happen yeah??? good!!

SACHA - @rkrose​ & @rkkyungri​ - i am super super duper ultra mega giga happy we got to talk a lot in the past few months, get to know each other and its very very nice;; i always have fun talking to you and i know i can lean on you if my day has been shitty, and i am sorry if i’ve had a lot of shitty days sadhljsajldnl ahhh, but yes, our muses will go through a lot and i’m really happy you enjoy it and i hope we can see them grow and develop!! 

ANI - @rkchungha & @rksohee& @rkmiya​ - what am i actually gonna do without you, that’s a very very good question i was asking myself recently. its really weird we never really talked a lot until younghyun was brought into rookies, which was i think this year huh? funny, very weird, what life was i living without you in it?? hahaha, anyway, i’m really glad and happy having chungha and younghyun so close got us to be closer as well, even if i set you into rp panic with random questions and potential scenarios haha;; i’m glad you enjoy them;;; love you lots!!

CARLY - @taeminrk & @rkluna & @danielxrk - we don’t really talk much, but in reality, i actually don’t know where i’d be rn if i couldn’t come to you with stupid questions and inquiries;; i wish you all the best in every possible aspect of life and love seeing you on the dash;; ngl i am also extremely and forever sorry that you have to read through hyunark’s post from like three years ago, that;s some nasty writing right there yikes;; but thank you for taking rookies under your wing and just expanding it and making it better and better with the rest of the mod team;; keep up the good work!!

a very special thanks to all of the royal girls, @rkxnarong , @rkyena , @rkella , @rkcheri , @rksoohyun , @rklisa , @rkrose who made royal survival a blessing, her stay in royal amazing as well;;  special thanks to all the royal boys, ex ones count as well, fight me @rkbyunbaek , @jaehyunrk , @kibumrk, @yienrk , @rkseonho,  thank you for being a part of hyunark’s journey in royal fun and emotional lbr;; you guys managed to make royal fun for me as well, so thank you so so so much to every single one of you guys;;

a huge thank you for og trc roster that’s still here and dealt with jihoon;s sorry ass back then; a huge thank you for the kt roster that had to deal with jihoon as well, even if it was for a short amount of time;; a huge thank you for sphere, and convex members @seungcheolrk , @rkhyun , @rkjinwook , @kibumrk , @rkjinkis , @rktaeyxng , @tenrk , @rkxroyal , @rkohsehun , @yienrk , @rkromeo , @rkzyx, who will now have to deal with jihoon like it not, but i apologize on his behalf;; even if i don’t say it often, i am really really happy jihoon got to debut with your boys and i’m happy i get to interact with all of you so much;; thank you, thank you, thank you;;

thank you rookies, for such an amazing time!! i can only wish and hope for many more!!!

[rouelles]

I was tagged by @possiblyeden . I haven’t done one of these in ages~ Rules: Answer these 85 questions and tag 20 people HERE WE GO — What was your last… 1. Drink: water 2. Phone call: Mum 3. Text message: again, my mum  4. Song you listened to: Comeback Kid by Kasbian 5. Time you cried: uhhh in the past few weeks 6. Dated someone twice: Havent dated 7. Kissed someone and regretted it: Havent kissed anyone 8. Been cheated on: Havent been in a relationship 9. Lost someone special: Not recently 10. Been depressed: ha ha 11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: nope — Fave colours 12. Yellow 13. blue? 14. green?? — In the last year have you… 15. Made new friends: Yup!!!! 16. Fallen out of love: uh? 17. Laughed until you cried: yep 18. Found out someone was talking about you: i think? 19. Met someone who changed you: i think a few people! 20. Found out who your friends are:  21. Kissed someone on your Facebook friends list: yeah no — General 22. How many your Facebook friends do you know irl: almost all of them (i dont know like 3 of them) 23. Do you have any pets: sadly no :( i want a dog tho, but my mum isnt a pet fan 24. Do you want to change your name: ive never liked it too much but nah 25. What did you do for your last birthday: hmm escape room with uni friends!

26. What time did you wake up today: 7:00am  27. What were you doing at midnight last night: Reading i think? i just got off a boat from the past 5 days, so i have sea-legs and cant function properly rn 28. What is something you can’t wait for: uhhh travelling to japan again tbh 29. (… There isn’t a 29th question?? Lol) ….intermission? 30. What are you listening to right now: Whatever it takes by Imagine Dragons 31. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: yes? 32. Something that’s getting on your nerves: my procrastination yet being an over-achiever/ambitious   33. Most visited website: Web of science, my email and uni blackboard probs :’) 34. Hair colour: brown, with some sunkiss 35. Long or short hair: medium? its past my shoulders. but not by too much 36. Do you have a crush on someone: ye boi 37. What do you like about yourself: ... 38. Want any piercings: nah  39. Blood type: who knows (not me) 40. Nicknames: Rubes, rue 41. Relationship status: not looking for one 42. Sign: Cancer 43. Pronouns: She/her.  44. Fave tv show: oh tough one, fmab 45. Tattoos: nah 46. Right or left handed: Right 47. Ever had surgery: nope. 48. Piercings: ears 49. Sport: Tennis!! and Karate  50. Vacation: Japan~~ 51. Trainers:  — More General 52. Eating: porridge 53. Drinking: water 54. I’m about to watch: Unfortunate Events 55. Waiting for: someone to hire me 56. Want: good grades 57. Get married: yep 58. Career: Researcher!! — Which is better 59. Hugs or kisses: hugs  60. Lips or eyes: eyes 61. Taller or shorter: taller 62. Older or younger: slightly older or same age? 63. Nice arms or stomach: um idk 64. Hookups or relationships: relationship 65. Troublemaker or hesitant: always hesitant — Have you ever 66. Kissed a stranger: Nope 67. Drank hard liquor: nope 68. Turned someone down: yah a few and one guy consistently 69. Sex on first date: noooo 70. Broken someone’s heart: potentially? oops 71. Had your heart broken: nope 72. Been arrested: nope 73. Cried when someone died: my grandpa 74. Fallen for a friend: yah but hes in a relationship rn so its ok — Do you believe in 75. Yourself: thats kinda funny 76. Miracles: eh 77. Love at first sight: eh  78. Santa Claus: when i was a kid? 79. Angels: hm nah — Misc 80. Eye colour: Blue~ 81. Best friend’s name: @vandapanda158 i wont say her name online? 82. Favourite movie: uhh  83. Favourite actor: i like a lot but a favourite???  84. Favourite cartoon: cartoon: atla, anime: fmab 85. Favourite teacher’s name: uh not online

I’ll tag @fmab @pandacea @bragi-god-of-bullshit @fallenobsidian @monicaoakwood @zarinia13 @hunterhunters @anyone who wants to

(you dont have to do it tho!!)

[excessivexcuses]

i wasn’t tagged but im hella bored LOL AND REALLY DONT WANT TO DO CHEM so take this info about me you don’t need

LAST

drink - black tea phone call - my dad text message - “okay! I’ll walk there now” song you listened to - you’ll blow us all away  time you cried - today cuz eyeshadow got into my eyes LOL (asides that I was crying so hard cuz of Hamilton a few days ago) 

EVER

dated someone twice - nope kissed someone & regretted - nah been cheated on - nope lost someone special - yeah fucking Phillip died  been depressed - yessir gotten drunk and thrown up - never been drunk

FAV COLOURS

pastels, white or light purple is good too

IN THE LAST YEAR, HAVE YOU…

made new friends - yessss and i love them so much fallen out of love - nope laughed until you cried - i dont think soo  found out someone was talking about you - LMAO uh i think so yea met someone who changed you - ya and i think they have made me realize a lot of stuff i need to know and hear found out who your friends are - definitely  kissed someone on your facebook friends list -haven’t kissed anyone

GENERAL

how many of your facebook friends do you know irl - like 90%  do you have any pets - my plants r friends do you want to change your name - nah everyone knows how to spell my name at Starbucks  what did you do for your last birthday - had a party at my house and it was fun what time did you wake up today - 9:00 ?? what were you doing at midnight last night - reading facfic bois but typically i would be on call w/ @lamepunsandgayships   or sleeping lmao 

what is something you can’t wait for -  graduation  what are you listening to right now - its quiet uptown  have you ever talked to a person named tom - i have at some point something that’s getting on your nerves - that i get taken advantage of cuz i dont wanna be a dick lol and then i overthink (if i was being too nice) that i didn’t help them  most visited website - insta and facebook (for student council lol) hair colour - bLACK  but i wish it was grey lol long or short hair - long  do you have a crush on someone - yea how do u get rid of it thanks what do you like about yourself - lmao uh i can achieve what i want if i work really hard at it want any piercings - nah blood type - idk LOL nicknames - em / emil relationship status - single zodiac - Sagittarius  pronouns - she/her  fav TV shows - uhhhhhhhHH i don't watch tv  tattoos - ig if it doesn't cause a lot of pain and its minimalistic  right or left handed - right ever had surgery - yea on both my eyes and hands sport - LMAOOOO piercings - a piercing on each ear  vacation - japan pls and im doing to Europe this spring !! trainers - i like vans LOL BUT MINE R SO BROKEN I HAVE TO THROW THEM OUT and heels i like heels

MORE GENERAL

eating - nothing drinking - tea all day everyday  about to watch - yt vidsbut i want to watch devilman crybaby and some kdramas waiting for - uni apps kms want - ubc to accept me LOL get married - yea at some point  career - dentist

WHICH IS BETTER

hugs or kisses - hugs lips or eyes - eyes shorter or taller - taller?? older or younger - older nice arms or stomach - i dont have a preference  hookup or relationship - relationship  troublemaker or hesitant - im hesitant but idk if that better

HAVE YOU EVER

kissed a stranger - nope drank hard liquor - nooo lost glasses - i once threw my glasses in the trash turned someone down - yeah sex on first date - nope broken someone’s heart - lol no  had your heart broken - idk if it was but it felt like it LOL been arrested - no cried when someone died - yes fucking Phillip  fallen for a friend - yea everyone ive liked was a friend first 

DO YOU BELIEVE IN

yourself - sometimes miracles - when i get math tests back and i do well or when i do well in English  love at first sight - nope but ive been like u a snacc santa clause - yea when i was younger kiss on a first date - maybe? probs not tho angels - no 

OTHER

best friend’s name - eh the situation im in is weird LOL uh rn shey  but like idk man  eye colour - brown  fav movie - howls moving castle, your name fav actor - yo no joke everyone in hamilton lol and ben platt 

[onekisstotakewithme]

I was tagged by the amazing dear @minikate--24-05

The last

1. drink: ginger ale 2. phone call: to my grandfather (I think??) 3. text message: “I don’t think so dude” 4. song you listened to: Beauty and the Beast (the original) by Angela Lansbury 5. time you cried: Uh a few days ago when I was watching Fantasia 2000, and they had the Noah’s Ark segment set to Pomp & Circumstance, for some reason I cried embarrassingly hard while watching that...

Have you ever 6. dated someone twice: I’ve never dated anyone 7. kissed someone and regretted it: no (never been kissed) 8. been cheated on: not technically, there was a bad situation, but... I don’t think it technically can be called cheating. 9. lost someone special: a lot of people. 10. been depressed: all the time. 11. gotten drunk and thrown up: nope (alcohol is vile)  3 favorite colors 12. green 13. purple 14. blue In the last year have you: 15. made new friends: yes! I made new friends on here (so many, I’ve been very lucky) and a bunch of new friends at school too, but they were mostly in the year below me so I have to leave them this year :( 16. fallen out of love: yes, and I’m better off because of it. 17. laughed until you cried: yes 18. found out someone was talking about you: yes, my school friends gossip incessantly. 19. met someone who changed you: Yes. And one such person is the one who tagged me in this, @minikate--24-05 20. found out who your friends are: yes 21. kissed someone on your Facebook list: nope. General: 22. how many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: All of them (sadly) but I’m planning on narrowing down my friends list. 23. do you have any pets: We have had several hamsters, all dead, and I’m considering buying myself fish for uni. 24. do you want to change your name: no, for the most part, I like being called Alexandra. 25. what did you do for your last birthday: my friend got our entire french class to sing “happy birthday” to me, we had a free period (I think?) and then I had a dinner with family- oh wait, no that’s not true. I also had a party with a bunch of school friends, where we had a water gun fight, roasted s’mores and talked by the fire until after 1:00 AM. It was a blessing. 26. what time did you wake up: 10-ish? I had an alarm set, but was awake before it went off. 27. what were you doing at midnight last night: reading 28. name something you can’t wait for: NCIS s15 premiere and McLilah’s baby! 31. what are you listening to right now: My Disney playlist (once again trying to get in the mood to write disney scenes) 32. have you ever talked to a person named tom: maybe? 33. something that is getting on your nerves: I am stressed about starting uni in the fall, about getting my wisdom teeth out, current world events, and NCIS season 15 (which is stupid, but much of my happiness rests on that show)  34. most visited website: Tumblr and FF/Ao3 35. hair colour: brown 36. long or short hair: long 39. piercings: I got my ears pierced when I was eleven, and then got a second piercing in both ears when I was sixteen. 40. blood type: A positive 41. nicknames: frog friend, Susan, Patricia, (friend used to call me) Probie, A, and “twin peanut” ;-)  42. relationship status: single 43. zodiac: gemini 44. pronouns: she/her 45. favourite tv show: do I have to pick one? Different shows have been important at different parts in my life... so I am going to list them ALL: Downton Abbey, Lost, NCIS, Modern Family and M*A*S*H (if there’s any more I’ve forgotten, I love them anyway) 46. tattoos: @itbloomedforyourlittlegirl showed me a design for a rose growing out of a coffee cup (kibbs anyone?) and now I kind of want it, and I don’t have any yet, but Ive also considering something related to Disney/writing/being bi.

47. right or left handed: left 48. surgery: as an infant, to have a blood clot removed from my leg.

49. piercing: double piercing in ears.

50. sport: I played basketball from age 7-14 and then quit to focus on school, but loved the aggression of playing... I’ve always wanted to play baseball, but was never able to. 51. vacation: I know I just went but Disney!... Paris, Scotland, England... Amsterdam. 52. pair of trainers: A pair of Reeboks I use when on my feet frequently (I don’t wear them often) More general: 53. eating: crunchy peanut butter on whole wheat toast (it was my lunch) 54. drinking: ginger ale 55. i’m about to: surf tumblr incessantly, write and then go start organizing my things for uni- just kidding! I’m going to write, fangirl and get nothing done in that order. 56. waiting for: NCIS Premier. 57. want: ta safer world, to become a better writer, to find love. 58. get married: hopefully! Someday. 59. career: law/policing... in an ideal world my answer would be writing. Which is better: 60. hugs or kisses: HUGS 61. lips or eyes: eyes 62. shorter or taller: I am short, so I guess taller?

63. older or younger: all of my ships have an older person, so older. 64. nice arms or nice stomach: who knows. neither. 65. hook up or relationship: relationship 66. troublemaker or hesitant: for me, hesitant

Have you ever: 67. kissed a stranger: no 68. drank hard liquor: yes 69. lost glasses/contact lenses: I have dropped/lost contact lenses before, and once I sat on my glasses and broke a lens.  70. turned someone down: yes, there was no chemistry. 71. sex on the first date: no. not for me. 72. broken someone’s heart: Not that I know of. 73. had your heart broken: oh GOD yes. 74. been arrested: no 75. cried when someone died: yes. 76. fallen for a friend: unfortunately more than once.

Do you believe in: 77. yourself: not really 78. miracles: maybe? 79. love at first sight: I think so? 80. santa claus: yes 81. kiss on the first date: potentially. 82. angels: I do not think so. Other: 83. current best friend’s name: Andrea, Sara, Jamie, Amanda. 84. eye colour: hazel! 85. favourite movie: I have too many to count so I will say: Disney, Studio Ghibli, The Princess Bride. Anything else, I’d have to start actually listing.

I tag whoever wants to do this. Go wild y’all. And enjoy this terrible amount of personal information.

[no2da]

@epaetaeya thaaank you for tagging me i love these games!!! (so many questions, so many ppl to tag... eh ↓ i dont even know 20 ppl)

Rules: Answer these 92 statements and tag 20 people

THE LAST:

1. Drink: cheapo cola right this moment 2. Phone call: my mom, on my birthday, when i was hanging over the toilet 3. Text message: 17 new ones in a groupchat i have yet to read.............. 4. Song you listened to: are you satisfied by marina and the diamonds.. :^) 5. Time you cried: ?? no idea. im so genki and i got the memory of a goldfish

HAVE YOU:

6. Dated someone twice: ...... no 7. Kissed someone and regretted it: YES 8. Been cheated on: i dont think so 9. Lost someone special: lost in like, they died, or lost contact. cause i lost contact to many ppl who were important to me, but i dont think anyone close to me died yet 10. Been depressed: all the focking time m8 11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: only once from cheap ass japo vodka

LIST 3 FAVORITE COLORS:

12-14: YELLOW, COBALT BLUE, emerald green 

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU:

15. Made new friends: YES I LOVE YOU GUYS (HI) 16. Fallen out of love: i guess so, ive overcome a heartbreak 17. Laughed until you cried: probably, idk, i laugh a lot, and often until it hurts 18. Found out someone was talking about you: everyone talks about me :p 19. Met someone who changed you: i think i change a bit all the time, and of course my friends make a Postive influence on me <3 from getting out of the clinic last year in spring, to now, im in no way the same person 20. Found out who your friends are: i dont even know what this means ...

GENERAL:

22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: all except 1 but not like i actually use facebook 23. Do you have any pets: my two kitty babies i miss them so much 24. Do you want to change your name: im fine i think 25. What did you do for your last Birthday: it was only a couple weeks ago!! we went downtown with friends and ate cake and i also died cause of a headache so bad i almost vomited 26. What time did you wake up: around 6 but i got up at 8 27. What were you doing at midnight last night: 漢字を勉強した 28. Name something you can’t wait for: see my kitties again ;;;;;;;;;; 29. When was the last time you saw your mom:  in april?? spring break 30. What is one thing you wish you could change in your life: my face lmao

31. What are you listening right now: my neighbors weird music

32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: lol i think not? 33. Something that is getting on your nerves: a lot. most of all not being able to pet a cat right now 34. Most visited Website: (((((tumblr actually))) 35. Mole/s: yes. everywhere 36. Mark/s: i dont know..... 37. Childhood dream: marine biologist..... i used to dream of deep sea creatures and listening to whales  38. Haircolor: naturally its a fucking ugly blond but i dye it black cause im emo 39. Long or short hair: *burp* short 40. Do you have a crush on someone: my boyfriend i guess????? 41. What do you like about yourself: my curiosity in science 42. Piercings: no im too scared of bodymods 43. Bloodtype: ill find out soon :3c 44. Nickname: edi? 45. Relationship status: t-t-t-t-taken 46. Zodiac: cancer  47. Pronouns: its an it 48. Favorite TV Show: no watchy tv 49. Tattoos: someday maybe 50. Right or left hand: right.. 51. Surgery: not that i know of, my insides are untouched........ 52. Hair dyed in different color: had the blue hair once. remember?  53. Sport: i wanna but the depression. also im a körperklaus. volleyball is a lot of fun 54. (question wasn’t here) ???? ill just leave holly’s text here.. mysterious 55. Vacation: my friend took me to italy and croatia with her once but, nowhere else. i would love to travel  56. Pair of trainers: ? own a pair of nikes and new balance but i only ever wear my converse..

MORE GENERAL:

57. Eating: i just finished the bag of chips i wanted to save as ‘’’study snack’’’’ 58. Drinking: cola 59. I’m about to: not do the dishes for another week 62. Want: to draw........ 63. Get married: idk. its not a dream ive had but i guess if im older and have someone i love  64. Career: stay in uni forever, keep learning all the different things, do research and field work, escape the harsh reality of capitalist work machine :^)

WHICH IS BETTER

65. Hugs or kisses: HUGS, KISSING ISNT THAT GREAT 66. Lips or eyes: eyes, dark eyes, nice and warm 67. Shorter or taller: short, same height as me 68. Older or younger: my age preferably??  70. Nice arms or nice stomach: pudding stomach and arms are nice too 71. Sensitive or loud: sensitive cause im the loud one 72. Hook up or relationship: relationship, im too touch-repulsed to do hook-ups  73. Troublemaker or hesitant: i dont know ;;;;

HAVE YOU EVER:

74. Kissed a Stranger: yea was bad 75. Drank hard liquor: ;) 76. Lost glasses/contact lenses: nop 77. Turned someone down: Yeaa 78. Sex on the first date: NO 79. Broken someone’s heart: i sure hope i did. 80. Had your heart broken: yeah, my fault  81. Been arrested: no my friends are too law abiding and im shy 82. Cried when someone died: no one ever dies  83. Fallen for a friend: bro of course

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

84. Yourself: who 85. Miracles: are aliens miracles? yes. 86. Love at first sight: nop. its not possible, infatuation at first sight yeah 87. Santa Claus: no. corporate invention 88. Kiss on the first date: Noo

OTHER:

90. Current best friend name: Everyone Is My Best Friend 91. Eye color: brown;; 92. Favorite movie: dont know actually... i think a ghibli movie probably, cant decide

now lets tag.... @emergencybattle @awkwardcorner @kattekoor @ravenflawuniverse idk this are a lot of questions i hope i dont bother you guys

[earachne]

i was tagged by the amazing @danielhowellsbooty Rules: Once you have been tagged you are supposed to write 92 truths about yourself. At the end, choose 25 people to tag! THE LAST… 
1. Drink: water (boring, ik) 2. Phone call: my friend @valentinadunn12 3. Text message: my other friend @kaokaru 4. Song you listened to: Na Na Na by MCR 5. Time you cried: a week ago HAVE YOU EVER… 6. Dated someone twice: Nope, im lonely 7. Been cheated on: Nope 8. Kissed someone and regretted it: Yep 9. Lost someone special: yes, my Grandpa 10. Been depressed: yes and i still am 11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: Nah, im too young LIST 3 FAVOURITE COLORS: 12. Black 13. Blood red 14. Blue IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU… 
15. Made new friends: yes, i made loads or friends on tumblr! 16. Fallen out of love: i guess, im not sure though 17. Laughed until you cried: yes, almost everyday! 18. Found out someone was talking about you: not that i can remember.. 19. Met someone who changed you: yes 20. Found out who your true friends are: yes, i found out that my friends from my old school werent real friends and were actually bitches.. :/ 21. Kissed someone on your Facebook list: no, i dont have facebook 22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: still dont have facebook XD 23. Do you have any pets: I have a tabby cat called Bronté 24. Do you want to change your name: no, im pretty happy with my name :) 25. What did you do for your last birthday: I went to Byrons Burgers with my friends, it was a lot of fun 26. What time did you wake up: today I woke up at 6:30 for school with an alarm but i naturally wake up around 7 27. What were you doing at midnight last night: I was writing fanfiction or reading Shane Dawsons book, im not sure. 28. Name something you cannot wait for: I cant wait for school to break up so i can go to Spain 29. When was the last time you saw your mother: this morning before i left for school 30. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life: i wish i could have changed some of the decisions that i made in my past 31. What are you listening to right now: My teacher talking 32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: no but i had a friend called Thomas 33. Something that is getting on your nerves: My parents not understanding my sexual orientation 34. Most visited website: Tumblr or Youtube ofc 35. Elementary: to be honest, primary school wasnt that great, i was made to be someone i wasnt and pressured into doing things i didnt want to do.. 36. High School: im in secondary school right now and im enjoying every second, ive met some of my bestest friends and had some of the greatest moments of my life 37. College/university: im not in college/uni yet, but i aspire to go to my schools sixth form and then hopefully get into Cambridge University 38. Hair colour: dirty blonde 39. Long or short hair: i used to have v v long hair almost down to my knees but last week i cut it so now its just above my shoulders (there are pics on my blog if you wanna see) 40. Do you have a crush on someone: yes, but it will never happen 41. What do you like about yourself: well i used to like my hair but now that thats gone its probably my eyes, theyre bright blue; but if i was talking about my personality, i like how daring i am 42. Piercings: i only have my ears pierced but i want to get my cartilage pierced and my cheeks 43. Blood type: O (v common ik) 44. Nickname: nel, neleanor, tickles (im ticklish), frying pan (idek with this one) and some more that i probably forgot 45. Relationship status: its weird, but i think ill say im single 46. Zodiac sign: Gemini 47. Pronouns: them/they 48. Favourite TV show: do animes count? Cause right now im watching black butler and i love it, but i also love doctor who 49. Tattoos: no, im not sure if i want any, i guess ill wait till i find a design i like 50. Right or left hand: im right handed but i always choose to go left FIRST… 
51. Surgery: never had one unless you count the c section my mum had when i was born :/ XD 52. Piercing: ears 54. Sport: swimming when i was a baby up until now 55. Vacation: Spain, i go every year since my grandma has a second house there 56. Pair of trainers: converses if those count as trainers 57. Eating: i asked my mum and she said she thought it was mushed up carrots, appetising ik 58. Drinking: i havent drunk yet unless you count the tiny bit of limoncello i had when i was 12 59. I’m about to: feed my cat 60. Listening to: my parents talking 61. Waiting for: waiting to eat dinner 62. Want: food 63. Get married: meh, id rather not to be honest 64. Career: i dont have one right now and im not sure what career i want, i used to want to be a doctor YOUR TYPE… 
65. Hugs or kisses: hugs 66. Lips or eyes: eyes 67. Shorter or taller: taller, its more comforting 68. Older or younger: older 70. Nice arms or nice stomach: i dont mind much tbh 71. Sensitive or loud: loud (but again, idm) 72. Hook up or relationship: relationship, im demiromantic so… 73. Troublemaker or hesitant: idk, cause id love to have someone that was as adventurous as me, but i need someone sane to keep me in line XD HAVE YOU EVER… 
74. Kissed a stranger?: no 75. Drank hard liquor?: nope 76. Lost glasses/contact lenses?: no but im gonna 77. Turned someone down: yes, last week actually 78. Sex on first date: nope 79. Broken someone’s heart: i think so.. 80. Had your heart broken: no, not really 81. Been arrested: no 82. Cried when someone died: yes 83. Fallen for a friend: yes DO YOU BELIEVE IN… 
84. Yourself: nope 85. Miracles: depends, but yea i think i do 86. Love at first sight: nah, thats bs 87. Santa Claus: nope, ive seen my parents putting presents in my stocking 88. Kiss on the first date: no 89. Angels: no OTHER… 
90. Current best friend’s name: i have a few, Lucy, Valentina, Olive and Siham 91. Eye colour: blue/grey 92. Favourite movie: Coraline and Miss Perigrines home for peculiar children (but the book was wayyyy better)

i cant think of 25 peeps to tag, but i tag: @kaokaru @valentinadunn12 @hamiltonrules @francis-the-fuckface @savannahistrash @spookydaddyjim @scenethefangirl @vgetables @the-tol-one @pansy-parknson @euphoricphil @pan-potato @phanlegs and @nekdepppppp if you are reading this and you want to do it, go for it and just say i tagged you!

[lovlettres-moved]

castle in the sky, ocean waves, from up on poppy hill, n studio ghibli ! 🌷🌷

castle in the sky: if you could live in any fictional place what would it be? (laputa, atlantis, narnia etc.)

probably narnia, or the place where winnie the pooh lives, those are my favorite!

ocean waves: tell me about your best friends from high school.

oooh im still friends with a lot of them so here it goes (uhh im skipping the part where i was 12-15 bc that wasn't...much fun and i don't remember much of that)

hf: she's super duper nice but when i first met her i was rlly intimidated by her bc... i don't even know why. she sends me the cutest emojis whenever im in uni and she loves comforting people and being the nicest person in general, ive genuinely never met a kinder person! she was my first friend in hs and she made me feel welcome! i remember her asking to read my story in english class and me the loner had never felt happier! she has curly hair which she always keeps in braids and she loves wearing fancy clips, she loves reading as much as i do and i love listening to her talk about so many different stuff!

mh: my! first! irl! gay! friend! we came out to each other on the same day and it was so so funny bc we kept crying and laughing and it was so messy! we haven't been friends for long (just a year) but i feel so so close to her, she sends me the dumbest memes and stupidest stuff and we both are so so childish on the inside and we are always wearing our hs hoodies all the time! we used to visit the park in our hs and sit there and talk and just sit on the swings bc it was our favorite thing to do, and just look at the sky and get excited over rainbows! i can't believe we are so so similar i havent met someone who i can talk to about everything! she really!!!

mk: she was the first person who invited me to sit with her in the cafe bc i was a loner and i don't like talking to new people (and apparently she doesn't either) but she did invite me to sit with her, and that was the sweetest thing anyone had ever done ya know, bc i was new to pakistan and basically knew nothing about what to even do. but yeah i had the biggest crush on her for two years but i never told her bc im a fool! we read books together! and she loves laughing at the most fucking stupid things it's so endearing, we always write each other long birthday messages bc we both are cheesy like that and she compared to me a galaxy once (when i had that big big crush on her) and i had to take ten mins to regain my composure it was... funny. but she cares in the subtlest gentlest ways im so fond of her!

(i am not close to the rest of them but we still talk whenever we can!)

fk: she talks shit! like all the time, and we used to love pranking her at the most random of times, god was it funny! i remember her making the play we did the funniest thing bc of her lines and acting and she is so nice! she hugs me and pats me on the head and sends the warmest wishes with two million emojis and i can always just tell what type of mood she is in!

lb: we don't talk much except about kpop and she's more of a casual friend! but she sends the loveliest messages and she's so sweet!!!! i absolutely adore her cooking and baking and she taught me how to use chopsticks when we were all sad... damn i remember her trying to comfort me when i cried in front of everyone that was so so nice! just! talking to her fills me with happiness and it makes me go!!!

sm: aaaa she always used to bring marshmallows for everyone, and she worked so hard! i admired her so much and i loved to tease her! she's such a nice person! we barely talk but she has the biggest heart ever!

kh: aaaa i don't talk to her much! but she made everything so much funny! so much playful! so much less serious and full of happiness! a ball of sunshine who would send me moon pictures bc she knew i loved them! she would always make videos of the events i would miss! i miss talking to her! but sometimes we do talk!

from up on poppy hill: tell me about an experience that changed your life or your worldview.

hm i don't think ive still had one, my view of the world has been pretty same since i was a kid!

studio ghibli: top three studio hhibli movies?

oooo whisper of the heart / howl's moving castle / spirited away

[yieniall]

question tag

thanks for the tag @textingniall ! @bb-bambam @dongbangsoojjp @jacksonwangtastic @showyourdesire @beummieyoungie do it if you want :)

1| how old were you when you had your first kiss?

16  2| What made you decide to have a tumblr blog? for 1d and memes 3| Been depressed: yea. but im recovering well and generally much happier :) (if you ever wanna talk or need someone to listen to, dont hesitate to come to me!) 4| how many people have you fist fought? 0 5| do you want to have kids? how many? yea :) 2 or 3 6| Do you want to change your name: LOL yea. ok so my name is “iana” but i would like my name to be “ayana”, which would sound exactly the same but i like how it’s spelled phonetically and the spelling itself is prettier   7| Right or left handed: right 8| do you have piercings? how many? my ears are pierced (just one on each ear) but i dont like wearing earrings :/  9| who was the last person you cried in front of? my mom 10| do you believe in soulmates? lol i know i throw the word “soulmates” around quite loosely with jjp but i dont think about it a lot, actually! sure i guess, it’s a nice idea :) 

11| Zodiac sign: scorpio 12| Do you have a dream job? ok so when i was a kid my “dream job” (aka something that i would fantasize about but didnt/couldnt entertain as an actual career path) was to be a singer or actress lollll. but my career aspiration (aka what i am currently pursuing and think i will genuinely love) rn, is to go into public policy. currently, i wanna work in the government and focus on youth employment and social development. i also hope that i can publish academic articles while i work, specifically reviewing national and international policies 

^thats a kinda long answer bc it’s one of the most important things in my life rn and something i think about constantly. every time i read testimonials from graduates of the MPP program at my uni i get so excited (yet also nervous!) about this career path  13| A crush: nobody lol  14| What do you like about yourself: im filipina and i love my tan skin :) 15| Right now eating: nothing 16| who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with? my bff 17| Height: 5′0 /152cm 18| what is/are/were your best subject(s)?

law, economic sociology, political sociology

19| Met someone who changed you:

my gr12 philosophy teacher. i have/will always have the deepest respect and admiration for him. he was the first person to introduce the importance of intersectionality in my feminism and he taught me many invaluable critical thinking skills. he was so calm and patient and he ALWAYS listened to me. like sometimes he would give us study periods, and i would come to him with one question- and that question lead to 1.5hr discussion. and i learned a lot about his life too which was really fascinating. and then i would be late for chemistry and he would always take me to my class and apologize to my teacher for it. (ok needless to say.. pls dont misunderstand the nature of our relationship, he was like a mentor to me). 

^anyway, this is also kinda long bc i really do admire him so much. and i actually saw him again on my uni campus! i was like “sir?? what are you doing here?!” and apparently he was doing his phD. and it was so nice, before we parted he gave me a friendly hug and said “i’m glad to see you’re still happy and smiling” :’)

20| do you like someone: all my friends and family obvs :) 

21| I’m about to: go to bed!

22| do you believe everything happens for a reason? yes! but sometimes the reason isnt as meaningful as youd think so it’s often not worth dwelling on such things 23| Sports I joined: mmmm, most prominently: figure skating, cheerleading and swimming  24| what’s irritating you right now? nothing?? 25| do you give out second chances too easily? idk? i dont really feel like ive been purposefully hurt enough by anyone to say that keeping them in my life was me “giving them a second chance” 26| What is one thing you wish you could change about your life: maybe just wish i didnt lose my native dialect when i immigrated to canada :/ 27| are you mean? i hope not! i have my shortcomings im sure :( 28| Cried when someone died: when my neighbour passed away 💔 29| Blood type: O 30| If you could meet ANY Korean CELEBRITY (Includes Actors, Models, K-Music artists, etc.), who would it be? ahhhhhh well i feel so lucky to have met got7 :’) (no joke i think about that literally everyday) but i would love to meet them again and be less shy toward jaebum. id also LOOOOOOVE to meet NCT! and as for actors i would love to meet jung kyung ho and gong yoo

31| Birthday: October 30 32| Been drunk and thrown up: yea but LISTEN. my body doesnt take to alcohol well so im gonna throw up even with very little  33| are you scared of spiders? nah not really 34| What would you like to achieve (or experience) before the age of 60?

sooo many things. id like to achieve the career goals i mentioned above and id like to learn at least 2 more languages. and travel more. 

35| What do you wish for the most to happen? idkkkkk :o 36| is cheating ever okay? never 37| Do you have any pets: a dog!  38| When did you get into kpop and how? around september 2015 cuz i stumbled onto Just Right  39| Favorite animal? dogs! 40| Love at first sight: personally no? 41| how do you want to die? sleeping 42| Lips or eyes: eyes 43| Hair length: like? mine? to my boobs 44| would you go back in time if you were given the chance? literally just to relive meeting got7 lol 45| who was the last person of the opposite sex you talked to? my dad 46| how exactly are you feeling at the moment? sleepy  47| Laughed until you cry: no i dont think so :o   48| favorite food? sooooo manyyyyy idk! 49| when was your last physical fight? never 50| Do you believe in yourself: working on it :)

[baked-mashed-potato]

92 truths tag meme

Rules: Write 92 truths about yourself then tag 25 people 

Thank you to @custompotato for tagging me! ^_^ IM SORRY GUYS I KEEP FORGETTING TO DO THESE IM SORRY IF I NEVER DID THE THINGS YOU GUYS TAGGED ME IN SMH @ SELF

LAST… [1] drink: soup [2] phone call: mum [3] text message: mum [4] song you listened to: 321 by Hedley >:”) [5] time you cried: when i read this one really angsty fic goddang i lEGIT CRIED THE WHOLE WAY THROUGH i think this was a couple weeks back i dont really cry for non fandom related things so yeah idk the last time i cried for something related to irl stuff maybe like 5+ years ago?

HAVE YOU EVER… [6] dated someone twice: nope [7] been cheated on: nah [8] kissed someone and regretted it: never kissed LMFAO [9] lost someone special: not yet :”) [10] been depressed: not really so i try help others instead :””00 [11] gotten drunk and thrown up: im not much into alcohol l-lol... i havent been drunk before ^^;;

LIST 3 FAVOURITE COLORS: [12] Black [13] Red [14] Blue (i swear this doesnt even have anything to do with klance LMFAO)

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU… [15] made new friends: YES OMFG I LOVE EVERYONE SO MANY VOLTRON FRIENDS ILY <333 [16] fallen out of love: never really been in love so no :”) [17] laughed until you cried: mORE TIMES THAN I SHOULDVE TBH [18] found out someone was talking about you: the popular crowd didnt like me much in middle school so yeah lmfao but yeah didnt really care [19] met someone who changed you: all my friends tbh goddang they all helped me be more confident <3 [20] found out who your true friends are: there are defs friends im closer with than others [21] kissed someone on your facebook list: LOL

GENERAL… [22] how many of your facebook friends do you know in real life: pretty much all maybe like 5 i dont [23] do you have any pets: not anymore :”( [24] do you want to change your name: not really lmfao i caNT IMAGINE HAVING A DIFFERENT NAME [25] what did you do for your last birthday: i had a cake i think nothing elee really [26] what time did you wake up: 8:29am this morning cuz i had free period >:) [27] what were you doing at midnight last night: doodling [28] name something you cannot wait for: VOLTRON S3 GOTDANG also grADUATION AND THE GRAD TRIP ME N MY FRIENDS HAVE PLANNED [29] when was the last time you saw your mother: half an hour ago maybe lol [30] what is one thing you wish you could change about your life: wish i knew what i wanted to do or had a really clear passion i guess? [31] what are you listening to right now: nothing much [32] have you ever talked to a person named tom: im friends with a tom we even have the same last name LMFAO and his name is similar to my actual bros LMFAAO [33] something that is getting on your nerves: exams :/ [34] most visited website: Tumblr and twitter probs [35] elementary: blockhouse bay [36] high school: lynfield college for 1.5 years then auckland international college for 3 [37] college: havent graduated from hs yet but ive received some offers from some unis and im mainly leaning toward oxford i think? idk depends on whether or not i meet the requirements :”) [38] hair color: brown lol [39] long or short hair: Long [40] do you have a crush on someone: never had one oops [41] what do you like about yourself: i like to think im relatively easy going? idk [42] piercings: dont have any myself but characters with piercings are just yAS [43]blood type: blood type O lol im a universal donor though ive never donated blood before :”00 [44] nickname: Jelly/Po [45] relationship status: in a fading relationship its LDR and we’re both just really busy :””)  [46] zodiac sign: taurus [47] pronouns: she/her but feel free to use others if that makes you feel more comfy [48] fav tv show: vOLTRON [49] tattoos: none but i love the aesthetic of them [50] right or left hand: Right

FIRST… [51] surgery: none so far thankfully [52] piercing: none [53] best friend: a childhood friend we’re still friends but were not as close as before [54] sport: swimming probs lol but first competitive sport was badminton [55] vacation: China when i was 6 lol [56] pair of trainers: some random brand idk lol

RIGHT NOW… [57] eating: Nothing! [58] drinking: Nothing! [59] i’m about to: take a shower after this [60] listening to: Nothing, rn [61] waiting for: dinner LOL [62] want: to graduate LMFAO [63] get married: not nOW LMFAO  [64] career: student lol

WHICH IS BETTER… [65] hugs or kisses: hugs for now ^_^ [66] lips or eyes: eyes fam [67] shorter or taller: taller cuz please i need help reaching those shelves [68] older or younger: older idk id like to learn things from older peeps [70] nice arms or nice stomach: arms lol [71] sensitive or loud: can i say both because my best friend is both [72] hook up or relationship: relationship [73] troublemaker or hesitant: hesitant i guess? dunno

HAVE YOU EVER… [74] kissed a stranger? Nope! [75] drank hard liquor? nah [76] lost glasses/contact lenses? more times than i can count jesus [77] turned someone down: yea [78] sex on first date? i havent even kissed before so LMFAO [79] broken someone’s heart? maybe..? i was never quite sure if they were being serious when they asked me out [80] had your own heart broken? nah [81] been arrested? nop [82] cried when someone died? CHARACTER DEATHS MAKE ME CRY OK [83] fallen for a friend? nop

DO YOU BELIEVE IN… [84] yourself? somewhat? i guess? i like to be realistic [85] miracles? why not fam [86] love at first sight? in love with their looks yep but not with personality :0 [87] Santa Claus? nop [88] kiss on the first date? LOL [89] angels? nah

OTHER… [90] current best friend’s name: Apple and Angela for irl and Yuka, Oshi and Nai for internet [91] eye color: Brown [92] favorite movie: Coherence ^_^

I TAG: @wolfpainters @wardenalistair @wittyy-name @shavothehusky @sir-klancelot @lostangelas @hongjiseus @kawovan @animatedpretzelle @reachforthesora @oshietee @palmtreehero @meerl @onelastklance @kageyama-tobiyo @eyebagsarebetterthanhandbags @spotthetitan @bokooh @gn002 @justklance @oll1vian 

[fence-sitter]

1. What have you eaten today? I had a piece of toast with vegemite and a piece with ginger marmalade, i had some lamington, i had a sao cracker with vegemite and cheese, i stuffed a perfetta roll in my mouth as i left the house, i had a yogo and some green tea and this afternoon i had some fig yoghurt and ginger and apple iced tea. Very random i know.  2. Who was your last kiss with? Was it pleasant? what passes as a kiss 3. What color shoes did you last wear? black leather 4. Who has made you laugh the hardest in the last week? maybe Wendy 5. What is your favorite scent? freshly peeled mandarins or bush fires or that coastal smell you get driving through beach suburbs 6. What is your favorite season? Why? maybe late autumn and early spring because its cold but not too cold 7. Can you do a handstand or cartwheel? i can do both 8. What color are your nails? a very chipped yellow 9. If you had to get a tattoo on your face to save your life, what would it be? the words “Have a nice day” 10. What is something you find romantic? when someone kisses your hand 11. Are you happy? happy enough 12. Is there anything in particular making you happy or sad? anime, Wendy and uni have been making me happy, i think thinking about my school  friends is the only thing that really makes me sad... or anime. 13. Dogs or Cats? ahhhhh both but i really want a black cat called liquor 15. Which do you prefer:a museum, a night club, the forest or a library? the forest 15. What is your style? explosive in a controlled way, its crazy but it has some order to it.  16. If you could be doing anything you like right now, what would it be? swimming in the ocean 17. Are you in a relationship or single? single pringle 18. What makes you attracted to the person you like right now? he a sad bitch (yurio) 19. If you could replace your partner/best friend with a celebrity of your choice, would you? Who with? i don’t know who i’d replace them with but i just want Jake Gyllenhaal hes such a man child 20. Are you holding on to something you need to let go of? If so then what? nothing 21. How did you celebrate last Halloween? i spent it with Gibby and Taylah and we watched The Brothers Grimm and ate spring rolls and vege chips 22. Have you recently made any big decisions?  um UNI  23. Were you ever in a school play? yes and it was hella !  24. What movie would you use to describe your life? Amelie 25. Is there something you have dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it? Well i have always dreamed of moving to melbourne for a little while and well i haven’t because im a poor bean at 18 26. Complete this sentence, “I wish I had someone with whom I could share…” my artistic desires with. 27. What are two things that irritate you about the same sex? cause so much damn drama, complicate everything 28. What are two things that irritate you about the opposite sex? stubborn, i can’t think of another i honestly think boys are super chill and cool 29. What is the best thing that has happened to you this week? i made a pouf 30. What is something that makes you sad when you think about it? bad people 31. How long was your longest relationship? i suppose like a year 32. Have you ever been in love? a 13 year old version of love 33. Are you currently in love? no 34. Why did your last relationship end? the same way it started, it didn’t (i know it doesn’t make sense) 35. What jewelry are you wearing right now, and where did you get it? i’m wearing earings from nundah lifeline with bears holding umbrellas. 36. When was the last time you cried and why? um when i had a realisation that i’m not exciting enough to make or keep friends by comparing myself to someone who can easily because they’re so charismatic but then realising that we are completely different and i can make friend in different ways. 37. Name someone pretty. My friend Tabetha 38. What did you receive last Valentines Day? hmm lets see, some sunlight some day time i got a good sleep maybe some lunch thats about it  39. Do you get jealous easily? not really 40. Have you ever been cheated on? no thank god 41. Do you trust your partner/best friend? i trust Taylah but shes not my partner or my best friend  42. Ever had detention? yeah for not wearing shoes THE FUCK 43. Would you rather live in the countryside or the city? countryside but if living in the city means im closer to the beach 44. What do people call you? my name 45. What was the last book you read? On The Road 46. How big of a nerd/dork are you? minor  47. What kind of music do you listen to? ALL except for that screamo and country music stuff that 48. How tall are you? 172cm 49. Do you like kids? yeee 50. Favorite fruits? rockmelon, mango, banana, strawberries, peaches. 51. Do you wear jeans or sweats more? jeans 52. What’s your earliest memory? idk maybe the garden down along the side of my old house at ascot  53. Ever had a poem or song written about you or to you? no but ive writen a poem for someone else 54. Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it? behind but both is nice 55. Do you have a collection of anything? stamps, birthday and christmas cards 56. Do you save money or spend it? i like the feeling of saving money but i also like spending it on small puchases like op shops, spending large amounts is scary but i do it if i know i really want it 57. What would your dream house be like? um a little wooden cottage style shack thing at the beach 58. What top 5 things make you the angriest? when people swear unnecessarily, when people make jokes about disabled people, disabilities etc., ibis, when people complain about their first world problems, other angry people.  59. What top 5 things always brings a smile to your face? when people say good morning or smile at you when your walking down the street, dogs, cats, when people comment on what you’re wearing, boys being sentimental 60. You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do? do firefighters deal with that stuff?? cause i’d call them. 61. 72: You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid? ok i wouldn’t tell everyone right away i know im the kind of person who doesn’t like burdening people with my problems, i would perhaps book a holiday i’ve always wanted to go on and yes i would be afraid 62. Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word; heart. i think of it literally when Mr Boddice stuck a probe through the chambers of a pigs heart 63. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go? Canada 64. Do you like the beach? YES 65. Ever sleep on the couch or a bed with someone special? well yeah ive slept on a couch with Kanya and Taylah many times, i’ve slept with James and i’ve slept with Gibby and i’ve slept with Rosie not that thats anything special cause she rolls all over me. 66. Do you have a middle name? If so what is it! ALICE 67. Do you talk to yourself? all the time 68. Describe your hair. a mop 69. What is the meaning of life. passion 70. What is your ideal partner like? easy going, beachy, spunk, is a bit of a quirk like me i.e. doesn’t think my anime obsession is weird or my crazy eyeshadow and doesn’t judge me  71. Do you want to get married? yea that’d be cool 72. Do you want to have kids? yea that’d be cool 73. Like or dislike your family? i like them 74. Are you Chunky or Slim? slim  75. Would you consider yourself smart? smart enough to get around 76. What would you change about your life? nothing 77. Religious or Not? nah 78. You’re drunk and yelling at hot guys/girls out of your car window, you’re with? Nikita 79. You’re locked in a room with the last person you kissed, is that a problem?nah 80. Does anyone regularly (other than family) tell you they love you? Gibby aw 81. If the person you wish to be with were with you, what would you be doing right now? i kinda want to see Jam man again and idk maybe he’d play Halo on our new xbox 82. So, the last person you kissed just happens to arrive at your door at 3AM; do you let them in? who the fuck are you 83. Do you like when people play with your hair? yES 84. Do you like bubble baths? bubble baths are life 85. Have you ever been pulled over by a cop? no 86. Have you ever danced in the rain? yes 87. Do you trust anyone with your life? Taylah 88. What was your first thought when you woke up this morning? do my siblings ever stop arguing 89. If money wasn’t an issue, what top 10 places would you travel to? (You get to stay at each place for a week) Canada, Melbourne, Tasmania, Colorado, Switzerland, Italy, Japan, Nepal, Vietnam, Turkey 90. How was your day today? it was really good i got up and read my book and spontaneously went to nundah and got soome good op shop buys 91. Play an instrument? i can play trumpet 92. Describe the what you think of the ocean. it wants you to be afraid, it can sooth you or it can devour you but you learn to be friends with it  93. Do you believe in aliens or ghosts? i believe in aliens and i suppose i believe in spirits  94. Honestly, are things how you wanted them to be? honestly, its how i always expected things to be, i think i wanted more adventures and friends 95. Do you have a mean bitchy scary side? no 96. When are you vulnerable? when my social battery is dead 97. How much free time do you have? a lot 98. Do you like to go hiking? yes yes very much 99. Odd or Even Numbers? even 100. Would you ever go sky diving, bungee jumping , cliff diving, wing suit gliding, parasailing, snorkeling, or other extreme activities? id go hot air ballooning and snorkeling and i’d love to go in one of those shark cages

[allthethingsiwishicouldtellyou]

Every day I write more and add to this, all I've done is thought about you and thought about us and cried. I know it's become an essay now but please take the time to read it, as I will yours when it comes. And I guess you can ask me whatever you want about what I wrote. I imagine you'll have felt different things and perceived your feelings differently to how I perceived what you have told me, but this is honest and this is how I feel right now and I feel like I've articulated everything that I want you to know in this message. For now I have hard raw feelings, and this message may be harsh, but it's honest and you always wanted me to be honest. One day these feelings will ease and I'll be happy again and I'll only remember all the good things and hopefully the hurt will have faded and maybe you'll play a positive role in my life again. I know things are different now and every day I wake up and I feel the difference deep down inside me. Firstly I feel I need to address this; How I loved you, the support I gave you, the friendship we had built, the relationship we shared, was because I was your girlfriend and under that girlfriend had was motivator, companion and lover was also best friend. I don't think you'll ever understand that we worked so well together was because we had so much more then just a friendship between us. Maybe because you say you've never had a best friend before or a relationship before, you couldn't distinguish the difference between the two because you didn't know that the two were. In my opinion, girlfriend and best friend are two different roles in someone's life. I just wish You could see that we evolved to where we were, the comfort between us and knowing that we had one another's backs, the ease, the trust, whilst we became best friends along the way it was because it was love even if you won't admit that to yourself. Well for me, it was because I really loved you and I can't say I've ever loved anyone before like I loved you. You dont want a relationship with me because you wont put in the effort and are in this illusion that in a few months time I'll be all good to be your best friend and only your best friend is hard for me to think about right now. I hate to say that but i can't put a date on when I'm going to be okay with being just friends. And if I am ever okay at just being friends or best friends even, you have to know that I'll be acting in a different way and I know you will be too. Best friends or even close friends don't call each other and talk or text to each other every day, they don't care this deeply about one another, they don't get jealous if the other one has a male or a female friend. I just don't think you know the distinction and how different a best friendship would be to a relationship. I think if I ever found out you were seeing someone who lived in Melbourne whilst you were still in Geelong that I'd find myself wanting to push them in front of a train, I know that is extreme and I'd never actually do it, but that would be nail in the coffin even if I had a boyfriend or a husband of my own then. What I want from you right now is more then a usual best friendship, and knowing I'll probably never have that again with you makes it hard for me to even think about being your friend. Maybe at one day I'll be at peace with what's happened, but for now it's really hard for me. Secondly; You were saying you're the one that's going to be lonely. That's unfair. You can't be the one to walk away from this and then say you're the biggest loser. I'm so lonely already, I've lost my best friend, my rock, my pep talker, someone who change my mood for the better in a few words, my favourite person. The person I wanted to make time for to see, that I'd work my ass off during the week to make time for. You walked away from me, and I know you've had people walk away from your life in the past so you know how it feels, and it's just shit to have that happen to you. I am loosing my best friend too in this collateral damage and whilst it seems like I have a big support network that I can turn to, none of them compare to you. In all this pain I'm feeling, you're still the only person I want to talk to. Everyone keeps trying to make me feel better but nothing changes, I just feel so empty. I was trying to give you every possibility to make it work, and one day I'll accept that it just wasn't enough to make the distance worthwhile. I cry at work, I cry at uni, I cry at home, in bed, when I'm trying to study, I cry in the car and I have to pull over. All I do is cry and even know I know it won't bring you back into my life how I want you to be, I can't stop myself from feeling so shit because I'm not worth the effort. We are both emotionally dependent on each other, I know I am and I think you'll realise how much you have been in the next few weeks when I'm not there for you to call about your work achievements or anything else that happens in your day. All I want to do is tell you about my day and why I'm stressed today and how work was and about stupid things like usual, but I know we don't have that anymore. Maybe I became too reliant on you, who knows. I'm going to be lonely and you will be lonely too. This situation is a lose-lose for the both of us. I just wish it didn't have to suck, I wish things were different and you could see that too. Thirdly, It kills me to think you told people we had some issues to work out when the issue was distance and you wouldn't even try and work it out with me. You just gave up, that's the most disappointing part. The facts were the facts and the distance was there, it wasn't easy but it wasn't impossible, the distance had always been there, but for me, it's not like we couldn't of made it work like we had for the months prior. Or at least tried to make it work with a bit more effort and then rationalise it to see if it was worthwhile after we tried to work on the distance when it had become a problem. You know I'm a problem solver and that I pride myself on making things work, and it kills me to think that you wouldn't try and solve the problem before calling it quits. It also kills me that you said things that were like "well if you were 30mins away it would of been different", of course it would of been, it would have been much easier I won't lie, but knowing in the mean time I couldn't be that 30mins away really shot me down. Ideally for me you'd live super locally too, but it just wasn't the case. I knew If you were local, I still wouldn't have seen you more then I saw you in Belmont. I loved coming to Geelong and going to the beach and spending time with you in your house, maybe more then you ever knew. It was an escape for me, things were great, I was laughing and with my favourite person. I tried not to resent the distance because I knew it was just there and I accepted it and that I liked you enough not to have override my emotions and leave me questioning if it was all worthwhile. You did let me down, because you stopped wanting to put in the effort to make it work and gave up on me, on us. Maybe you just couldn't do it any more, but I wish you had communicated that with me earlier before it got to this, so we could have talked about it and maybe had some action to change some things rather then just irrationally breaking up. Or maybe you just never wanted a girlfriend, I don't know. It's just cruel, the last 3 weeks of you trying to make up your mind were really cruel. I know you're confused with what you wanted, but Ive never felt so worthless in my life, I hope you know how I cried in front of you in the last week, was how I've cried for almost the last 3 weeks every single night at least now when I cry it'll be because I have a reason, you've broken me by disappointing me and made me lose my best friend and my boyfriend. At least it won't be because I feel like I'm in limbo pain which was almost as antagonising. I've let you hurt me twice now, even if the first time met nothing to you, it meant something to me and obviously I'm just dumb for being so stupid. When you've called it quits because you didn't think it was going to work and didn't even try and rectify it before you ended it. What's the real kicker, that you didn't believe in us enough to give it another chance, or make the effort to make things better for us both. I have to be honest and say maybe you're delusional to think we're going to be good mates anytime soon. That we will be able to sit and laugh together and travel together or just catch up for drinks as friends. That you get your decision one way and get to reduce the effort you put in and still will have me in your life and for me to be your best friend, for you to call me and text me when you want, but it's unfair for you to take the cake and eat it too. It was silly for me to let you become a huge priority when it feels that this relationship was only ever an option for you. I wish I could just rebound from this and be friends with you straight away, but I can't. I just want to see you and have you hold me and tell me stupid jokes and laugh with you. And I'm scared that I'll never be able to do that in the same way again even as friends because I'll never be able to forgive you for making me feel this way and for giving up on us. When I could call you my boyfriend, I used to think you were one of the best things that ever happened to me, and sometimes now I think you were the worst. Maybe that's a hard call, but if I had to put my feelings on a scale of 1-100 right now, 100 being the happiest I've ever been, and 0 being the saddest, I'd put myself right now at a 7. Our time in the US, where we had fun and looked after each other and didn't fight and just had a great time adventuring around, and laughing in each other's company, on that scale would be 90+easily. Fourthly, Your ideal situation is being best friends and catching up once a month to have drinks doesn't seem likely to me. The only way that would happen is if I was to find someone else and or to have my heart heal completely. Which won't bloody happen any time soon, I'm so emotionally scarred. I was scarred last time and I never moved on properly, I'll have to distance myself so much which hurts me to even think about the months ahead without you because I just don't want to. I want you in my life but I just can't have that can I? And plus when I do date someone else it'll be because they're my best friend. Because I'm the kind of girl who wants a relationship with their best friend, because that's the ideal situation for everyone. People don't date someone because they look good or smell nice, that might be how it starts, but they continue to date someone because they are good company and they make each other laugh and they become their best friend, because things are easy when they're together and they're fun. That person is their companion and their team mate. They put in effort for each other to make it work and make one another feel good. Ask anyone in a relationship and they will say their partner is their best friend. Ask Ashley, ask Matt ask Scottie they'll say Claudia and Stacey and T are their best friends, I'll put $1000 on it. As much as I don't want to, you will just be replaced and you doesn't realise that the relationship we've got now worked so well because you were my everything, my best friend and my boyfriend. My number one priority, well maybe number two just after uni. I won't lie, I was motivating myself to work so hard at uni, to do everything so I had the opportunity to go wherever I wanted for work, to do whatever I wanted to do. It was always in the back of my head that maybe I'll be finding a job in Geelong or the CBD easily if I pushed myself to be an all round great candidate for a law firm, so I could be closer to you, so that it closed the distance gap between us. I'm so scared about my career josh but I honestly all I wanted was you in my future because you motivated me and gave me so much confidence in everything that I was trying to achieve. Maybe it was just dumb and assumptions to have such a view of the future, but a girl has to think a relationship is going somewhere right. You either break up or get married, I guess I got the break up option with you. I shouldn't have hoped to put all my eggs in one basket, I should of known better really, I think I should of protected myself a bit better, but I didn't want anything to stop me from feeling love towards you, because the time we spent together, deserved that love. The support you've given me in the last 9 months is second to none and when I graduate I'll be thinking of you and how you've gotten me through so much and I'll owe a little bit of me getting through the JD to you. I have no one to call now at 3am when I'm crying and I feel alone and stressed with uni, because I will be alone and thats a fact I don't want to face. I can't thank you enough for helping me get through this course, I really can't. And it'll be something that I'll always remember you for, for picking up my calls and talking me through times when I'm emotional and just getting me through the days when I thought I couldn't do it. Some days those were even when we were together and I will never forget the comfort you had me feel. You really just made me feel good enough and smart enough and I'll always be thankful for that support. Finally, It feels to me like someone has died and something did die, and even if it wasn't a real person, it was aspirations and ideas and hopes for my future and it's the hardest thing to experience something you want so much being taken from you without a choice. Every day I've woken up for the last two weeks and I just wish you had woken up and realised that you've made a mistake, and that you're throwing this away for a reason that could be worked upon and that it was worth working upon. I'll stop hoping now, because you're firm on your decision and I should respect that as much as it's not what I wanted at all. It's hard because it's not like we can even have a halfway where both of us are happy. Its so hard to hear the distance was too testing for your feelings, it's so so hard. You taught me so much, and how to relax and how to take things slow if I needed the time to. You taught me not to compare myself to others even though I do and that sometimes just sitting next to someone and laughing is the cure for most things. I'll always cherish our trip away and the walks on the beach and eating take away in your car. I'm so happy we got to do the rooftop cinema together and have drinks and listen to the people singing karaoke at tonic bar and walk/bike the Golden Gate Bridge together. I have to say that the Golden Gate Bridge biking day had to be one of the best days of my entire life, and I've had a lot of good days but not much can trump that. I wanted to hike the you yangs with you so badly, now just thinking about them makes me sad. You made me laugh so much with all your dumb jokes and things were so easy between us. You made me strong and willing and you're so kind and funny and dumb and you just made me laugh so much and I always thought of you and beamed knowing you were mine. All your silly comments even if I wasn't laughing on the outside, I was giggling on the inside. All those moments we had together were worth all the struggle of the distance for me. I feel like I've just written an obituary. If for whatever reason, in two months time, set the alarm in your phone, when we've had this break and time apart, that you want to try again then and put in the effort to make it work like how I would be willing to, know that I'll always be open to that. If you don't, you don't and that's fine, in my head two months will be enough time apart to see how we are both feeling. Even if you think that in 2 years time you want to try again, and if I wasn't seeing someone, knowing how well we got on and how happy you made me, I'd probably still give this another go, as silly as that is. I promise that I won't think that you'll turn around and change your mind in the next two months, because I honestly think you won't and I'm going to keep telling myself you won't. If you've made these kind of decisions twice now to blame it on the distance, I don't see you ever changing your mind. But set the calendar alarm. I won't hold out hope for us every getting back together to a relationship, but I hope we can be talking a lot more then we are now by the time that alarm goes off anyway, I hope we are back to being friendly, but I'm just not sure how I'll go. I really want to be, I just need some of my own time I guess. I read this article last night, typical me just trying to get some reference to what was happening in my head. And if said that "The art of letting go isn’t about making all of their memories disappear, though. It’s about accepting that some parts will stick with you, but that’s okay". Maybe that's true. I don't know yet. I don't want to delete you off Facebook or Snapchat or delete your number, I still want you around even if it's just in cyberspace. No matter what happens, you'll always have a special place in my heart. But for the meanwhile, I'm just going to go on through this week and the next and get through all my exam next week and the other ones to follow and focus all my energy on myself and my study. I don't know when I'll talk to you next and I wish I could say it was tomorrow or in a few hours time or even in a few weeks but I just don't know. Because all I want to do is talk to you and I'm not sure if that's the best idea or not. I still want you in my life, please don't ever doubt that. I just know right now and how I've perceived things have left me really hurt, and honestly I don't think I've felt this way before and I'm not sure how long it will take me to feel better. I'm trying to keep myself busy and I guess focus on myself but it's hard you know, I feel like a big chunk of me is gone. Like we said when you were on the train and spoke on the phone, I just feel really empty and just sad, really sad, really hollow. You are an incredible person, and I know you'll mature well and do so well in your career. I know you'll get to where you want to be and I'm proud of you for getting a bit out of your comfort zone and working at nab. I know I've said it to you before, but I'm really lucky to have been able to spend the time that we had together with you. I don't think I'll ever forget one date we've been on or one activity we did, and I'll always remember that Westlake will never let me down when I want to eat in Chinatown. I hope along the line, we can still be in each other's future, somewhere, somehow. I know that one day soon I'll be able to admit that I couldn't do anything more as much as I felt I could, that it was the distance that made us breakdown and that you wouldn't put the effort in when times got tough. Everything you said still rings in my head, and I know it's not my fault, but for now it just still hurts me for now because I felt you could of tried harder and I felt like I was worth trying hard for and that our relationship was worth trying harder for. And that after all this time that I deserved to have you try for me. I know I'm worth trying for and I'm trying to keep that little bit of dignity with me because I feel like I lost a lot of dignity crying in front of you and just trying to win you back I guess. I know one day, whether it's you or someone else, they'll really try for me regardless of the situation and the distance and everything else going on and I'll be happy to do the same for them, because distance shouldn't mean anything if you really love someone, that's what my dad always told me and I believe him. He reminded me of that on Tuesday and I remember him telling me the exact same thing last time we stopped seeing each other and I believe it. As hurt as I am, I'm just disappointed that once again it seems like the distance has let us down. It was something that was manageable for so long because we both put in the effort, and wanted it until you over thought it. You then made a choice not to put in the effort the needed to make it work. You can blame it on distance all you like, but distance wouldn't matter if you had really been willing to put in the effort. That might seem harsh, but I feel it's somewhat true, and you may disagree because I guess everyone can only do their best in different situations and what I could do is obviously different to you. It just really hurts me to think that I'd go a million miles for someone I'd loved and appreciated and wanted to spend time with, but you just wouldn't do the same. A relationship shouldn't be measured in months or years, it's the calibre of the memories that matter. Their impact, their permanence and the degree to which they change you. The last 7 months included the greatest moments of my life, they were irreplaceable moments, perfect memories and so much fun. They will always be in my mind. You were so special to me and I know you always will be in whatever form our future takes. I just wish you could realise what we had was the real deal, I just wish right now that you would of tried to make it work for the short term, because in my mind, the long term looked amazing for us both, together. I felt like we had a lot more left in the tank and thats really disappointing. I just wish it was longer then 7 months, I really do.