#Jewish Humor

[jewish-joy]

I recently got an on-campus job. During the interview process, I requested that I not be scheduled on Friday nights or Saturdays as I am a Jewish student.

My boss immeadiately brightened and rushed to explain - "Of course ! Of course! We want to accomodate you! We have another worker who takes off for Ramadan. Do you need to take off for Ramadan?"

I shook my head, incredibly confused. "Uh. That's. Not my jurisdiction. I'm good." Boss nodded but was sure to add "Let me know if that ever changes. We can help you with Ramadan."

[koshercosplay]

alrighty folks buckle up for the fifth year of menorabilia ratings! I've scoured the internet (and my eyeballs) so get ready for the best and worst chanukah merchandise of the year

okay first I just need to get these fuckin gnomes out of the way. ideally permanently. this guy's hat has so much going on I don't know where to begin. the menorah? not kosher. also wrong. the dreidels? certainly have,,, something written on them. everyone knows reindeer love chanukah, the lighting fires holiday. 5/10 at least it's got SOMEWHAT of a cuteness factor

turning old CDs into fake sufganiyot is certainly creative bc that's the only explanation for those monstrosities that I'll accept. please don't spin your spontaneous combustion menorahs on top of your dreidels. it won't bring the next season any faster. 4/10 I'll put up with a lot if you're offering to pay for my netflix account

they are Setting That Torah On Fire. is that why there's an oil jug next to a candle menorah. 6/10 the פ instead of a ש‎ on the dreidel is because the miracle is just the torah not bursting into flames

this really puts the messy in messianic. it's got the wrong amount of branches. why is the shamash just two stacked cups. the cross looks like an airplane. oh god it also has the jesus fish. -76162802492/10 never knew a single image could contain so much No.

some of these menorahs are kosher and some are not which really spices things up. what a fun little game of I spy for me. I enjoy the addition of various happy animals celebrating chanukah but were the santa hats really necessary? 7/10 that bottom dreidel has two נ‎s. none dreidel with left coins.

I can acknowledge that it's an attempt to jewish-ize a christmas thing but tinsel is, unfortunately, occasionally, pretty. weird choice to have all the menorahs have נ‎s but sure. what's that? those are dreidels? wrong. take a look at the helpful next image of this item.

do you see it yet? here let me help.

clearly those are menorahs. we light them on fire and spin them as fast as we can. first one to die loses. 5/10 google is your friend

move over fiddler on the roof chassidim with bottle balancing skills, here come some cats with impressive candle dexterity. this may not be a kosher menorah but their TAILS are the BRANCHES. 7/10 I am easily won over by the presence of cats okay

canon jewish representation, a spinning dreidel, a kosher menorah, some chocolate gelt, and they're eating fresh latkes. I needed these yesterday. 10/10 rugrats my beloved never lets me down

(previous years 1, 2, 3, 4)

[xclowniex]

[shmoozy-jpg]

if jews really could control the weather don't you think it'd be a little nicer out??? smh man

signed, a jew

[misguidedandperplexed]

"average jew lights 3 candles the first night of chanukah" factoid actualy just statistical error. average jew lights 1 candle the first night. Candles Shammai, who lives in judea & lights 8 candles, is an outlier adn should not have been counted

[dyingroses]

[trying-to-jew]

Other Jews: *clever Jewish humor based on thousands of years of culture and history*

Me: We the Jeople (Jewish people),

[dragoneyes618]

[frownyalfred]

"Bruce isn't really Jewish" right but if his kids come up to him and say "B, it hurts when I do this," he just looks at them deadpan and says "Then...don't do that." That's a Jewish king right there.

[jewish-joy]

I will never forget the car ride where my dad was trying to convert me back to Catholicism, after I'd told him that I was actively pursuing Judaism.

He was waving one hand, when he professed- "Joy! You have to look for the signs from G-d! From the universe! Everything pulling you back in- back home!"

Then, the car rattled, crapped out, and rolled to a stop on the curb. Literally right outside was a synagogue with a huge Magen David stain glass window.

We were stuck there for an awkward two hours

[sopranoentravesti]

My body is a temple…unfortunately, it’s the Beit HaMikdash and it’s the 70 CE Siege of Jerusalem…

[fromchaostocosmos]

Godizilla is Big

Godizilla lives in water, but can come on land

Godizilla can make more of itself

Is Godizilla the Frog from Pesach?

[notaplaceofhonour]

just jewish things: naming ur pikachu “nefesh” in a pokemon game

[koshercosplay]

chag shavuot sameach!

[emvnah]

[todaysjewishholiday]

Chodesh Tov, friends!