frownyalfred

[frownyalfred]

average batfan during a canon meetup where familial language is used to describe the relationships

[frownyalfred]

Ok! Ok! Ok! I know your in dragon!Batfam land right now (which by the by is one of my fav niches so thanks for contributing to it) but!!!

One of the posts about kryptonian microbiome got me thinking about the Kon of it all. What’s his microbiome look like??? Did he have to figure out some supplements??? Did Cadmus give him some alien bacteria (maybe close but not quite right). Does him getting different gut bacteria translate to how his powers are so different from Clark’s??? We know Bruce getting Clark’s bacteria makes him more kryptonian- certainly the reverse must also apply!! How changed ARE Clark/Kon/Jon in ways they don’t even realize cause there is no one else to compare to???

And Bruce having to test Cass and maybe Tim on THEIR microbiome to see if it’s affected since they dated him. And adding “surprise alien microbiome changes” into his safe sex ed chats with his kids/ in the HR protocols for the titans/JL.

Also. Clark having to make like. Kryptonite kombucha. Kryptonite fibre supplements. What if this finally gets him to figure out his kryptonite IBS. Cause his gut biome will absolutely NOT be standard after his whole life on earth. Idk I just found that funny. Suddenly realizing he has health issues after thinking it was just a normal kryptonian thing his whole life. SURPRISE!!!! You’re lactose intolerant actually!!! But in an alien way!!!

Okay I know this was about funny microbiome sharing but what if we made this a little more angsty? I love your mention of Cadmus. What if Kon is a perfect Kryptonian/Human clone/blend, except Lex couldn't obviously synthesize the microbiome Clark brought with him from Krypton. That has probably changed a lot since landing on Earth, but still has stuff that he can't create from scratch for Kon.

So, Kon is Clark's clone with all of his powers etc like normal, except he's slowly growing weaker over time as his body reacts to an incomplete gut microbiome. He's having a hard time processing the sun eventually, and starts losing his powers. And after that, he starts being unable to process human flora too, because his body isn't set up to work that way either. So he starts wasting away, no matter how often he sits in the sun or if he's given IV nutrients, etc.

He needs Clark's help, some sort of fecal transplant etc. Or maybe Kryptonians share that kind of stuff pretty easily via touch? Maybe he just needs close contact -- hand to bare skin, hugs, etc. He's dying without close proximity to another Kryptonian because his body isn't set up right. Bonus points if Lex didn't know this and has to watch Kon fade away, realizing his perfect creation will fail without Clark being on board.

If Clark pushes away Kon like some comics have him do, Kon will probably start to die. Clark is the last Kryptonian, so he's Kon's only hope. But Clark doesn't know about this issue with Kon, and Lex might not tell him right away as he tries to fix it.

[frownyalfred]

“Gothamites don’t care about Superman—” Gothamites still care about Superman! They just show it differently. Metropolites will see Superman get thrown through a bodega and immediately go check on him. Gothamites will do the same (with a little more hesitation), but while they’re yanking him out from whatever crater he caused, they’ll add in a “Hey remember when you were fighting that alien last Tuesday? You really fucked up the traffic on the I-95 back to Gotham” and Clark just nods, all dazed, and says “Sorry, sir, it won’t happen again” and the Gothamite is like “No really, I was on the bridge for like six hours, I had to piss in a sprite bottle” and poor Clark is internally like what do you want me to say here??

[frownyalfred]

“that’s not very cash money of you” but all the gothamites replace “cash money” with “Bruce Wayne” and it’s exclusively used by Tim whenever Bruce does something in the manor that is, by definition, “Bruce Wayne” of him

[frownyalfred]

when Bruce is fed up with his children after patrol he takes them on the “scenic route” home to the manor even though it’s literally just dumps and random docks and gives them a completely in-character tour in the batman voice until they scream at him to stop and there’s no such thing as a scenic route in gotham—

[frownyalfred]

"Alfred is weirded out by Bruce training heavily" nah that man is running a whole Manor + grounds on his own, he is THRILLED to have a big strong man in the house again. Bruce takes two steps back into the Manor and Alfred suddenly has a laundry list of large items that need to be carried from flight to flight, bookcases and shelves he needs to dust behind, and various crates of wine and photos that need to be put in storage.

"Oh, you can chest press a small car now? Very impressive. But you know what would be an even more impressive display of your abilities? Lifting the couch in the parlor for me so I can vacuum the rug."

[frownyalfred]

The “trap them in an elevator so they admit their feelings for each other” trope but it’s the Justice League stuffing Superman and Batman in a watchtower elevator, jamming the controls, and then forgetting that Superman can like. open the doors with a finger, and Batman is one of the slipperiest bastards of all time.

and they’re just staring at each other in the elevator, dumbstruck that their team is this stupid.

then hal jordan leans down from the elevator shaft hatch like “fuck Ollie we forgot the kryptonite!” and tosses a sprite bottle in before bailing.

The sprite bottle has a little fragment of kryptonite rattling in it. Clark gets a mild headache and a slight rash. Bruce laughs so hard he cries, because this is the Justice League. Their planetary defense. Heroes of the galaxy.

[frownyalfred]

BVS but with Batman as a dragon is not something I expected to come across but I definitely should have considering you're the BVS blog (you would be omegaverse blog except thats like half of the tumblr)

I feel like the phrase “not something I expected to come across” comes up a lot with this blog 🤣

[frownyalfred]

I finally watched Batman v Superman to get the full context for the Coral Room and omg, poor Bruce nesting in such an open and exposed space. No wonder he was in a paranoid state of mind. Now I fully appreciate why Alfred restoring the manor was so important.

Right???? Right???????? Only he would try to build a secure nest in a bedroom that’s 80% windows. But also I think being able to see nature and the lake outside (pack property for miles) helps a little. A glassed-in nest above downtown Gotham would be awful.

Alfred getting those nesting rooms is so important….i need to sketch out a diagram of what I was thinking so folks can see. There’s still windows but that wing is in a U-shape overlooking the courtyard. Protected and secure but not a bunker! With multiple rooms connected inside or not connected depending on the use.

[frownyalfred]

Now that you've said it, I realise that I need Superbat having one of those nonsensical "what if" discussions you have at like 3am with your partner, except theirs consists of who they think would win in a fight, fully shifted Wayne dragon or a Superman who isn't holding back?

Bruce thinks it's him, no questions asked. Supes wants to back himself just that tiny bit tbh.

I mean if dragon scales are pretty impermeable, Clark would have a tricky time. If they're vulnerable to Kryptonian punches, then it's a different story. But yeah, if they're pretty evenly matched then Clark can try targeting the eyes/mouth/nose, which Bruce would anticipate. On the other side, Bruce might find it hard to pin down a Kryptonian opponent who can move so much faster than him. I think he'd have to cheat and use some creative shifting to bring Kryptonite with him as a human, and shift back at the perfect time (leaving himself vulnerable, of course, but timing it right so Clark loses powers before he can hurt human Bruce).

[frownyalfred]

Today’s the day!!

[frownyalfred]

Assumption about you:

You could absolutely Batman Me in a fight

Im strong for my size and weight but the amount of knowledge and effort you put on exercise and food tells me I'd be in danger

I think you'll beat me, anon. I'm limited in scope. All my strength is in weightlifting. I have very limited hand to hand training. The only real fights I've been in have been bar fights.

[frownyalfred]

Ooooh the idea of the press focusing on Tim and speculating that he's the dragon of Gotham instead of Bruce? Because why else would this spoilt rich kid who doesn't know what it means to suffer, amd could get out of any situation he's at fault for with his dad's money, feel the need to train and learn to control these half-shifts?

Love the idea of the crowd who'd been trailing after Bruce suddenly going "oh the little Drake heir with the claws is DEFINITELY the dragon" meanwhile good ole Brucie is standing behind a snarling Tim, perfectly placid, and he's the one with a dragon the size of a mountain trapped in his person. Ahhh, the parallels.

Bonus points if Tim was descended from an old rich dragon hunter family on his mom's side or something. Could explain why he's so opposed and finds shifting hard.

[frownyalfred]

“The tim anon” someone said. I am afraid to have to notify you that I am currently both the Tim anon AND the danlex anon 💜 I’m multifaceted

I love this for you, friend. I also feel like I should curse you for making me write so much.

[frownyalfred]

Love the idea of dragon!bruce meeting the JL through Constantine desperate please for soneone to do something about the very clearly fucked up dragon because why is it so BIG

Constantine takes one (1) look at Bruce Wayne and is like fuck no, absolutely not, get me the fuck away from THAT. I don't mess with Dragons -- they don't like me, and I don't like them.

(Bruce feels similarly; Dragons don't like powerful magic users, maybe on instinct. They've had too much blood shed between them)

[frownyalfred]

Ok! Ok! Ok! I know your in dragon!Batfam land right now (which by the by is one of my fav niches so thanks for contributing to it) but!!!

One of the posts about kryptonian microbiome got me thinking about the Kon of it all. What’s his microbiome look like??? Did he have to figure out some supplements??? Did Cadmus give him some alien bacteria (maybe close but not quite right). Does him getting different gut bacteria translate to how his powers are so different from Clark’s??? We know Bruce getting Clark’s bacteria makes him more kryptonian- certainly the reverse must also apply!! How changed ARE Clark/Kon/Jon in ways they don’t even realize cause there is no one else to compare to???

And Bruce having to test Cass and maybe Tim on THEIR microbiome to see if it’s affected since they dated him. And adding “surprise alien microbiome changes” into his safe sex ed chats with his kids/ in the HR protocols for the titans/JL.

Also. Clark having to make like. Kryptonite kombucha. Kryptonite fibre supplements. What if this finally gets him to figure out his kryptonite IBS. Cause his gut biome will absolutely NOT be standard after his whole life on earth. Idk I just found that funny. Suddenly realizing he has health issues after thinking it was just a normal kryptonian thing his whole life. SURPRISE!!!! You’re lactose intolerant actually!!! But in an alien way!!!

Okay I know this was about funny microbiome sharing but what if we made this a little more angsty? I love your mention of Cadmus. What if Kon is a perfect Kryptonian/Human clone/blend, except Lex couldn't obviously synthesize the microbiome Clark brought with him from Krypton. That has probably changed a lot since landing on Earth, but still has stuff that he can't create from scratch for Kon.

So, Kon is Clark's clone with all of his powers etc like normal, except he's slowly growing weaker over time as his body reacts to an incomplete gut microbiome. He's having a hard time processing the sun eventually, and starts losing his powers. And after that, he starts being unable to process human flora too, because his body isn't set up to work that way either. So he starts wasting away, no matter how often he sits in the sun or if he's given IV nutrients, etc.

He needs Clark's help, some sort of fecal transplant etc. Or maybe Kryptonians share that kind of stuff pretty easily via touch? Maybe he just needs close contact -- hand to bare skin, hugs, etc. He's dying without close proximity to another Kryptonian because his body isn't set up right. Bonus points if Lex didn't know this and has to watch Kon fade away, realizing his perfect creation will fail without Clark being on board.

If Clark pushes away Kon like some comics have him do, Kon will probably start to die. Clark is the last Kryptonian, so he's Kon's only hope. But Clark doesn't know about this issue with Kon, and Lex might not tell him right away as he tries to fix it.

[frownyalfred]

"Truthfully, my only hope is that by continuing to write a/b/o, and large amounts of it, I can "spike" whatever dataset is using my fics"

The idea of continuing to write for the purpose of, amongst other things, getting a/b/o into these databases is a level of spite I can only hope to live upto. Thanks for your service and everything that you do🫡

I'm a scorpio, spite is basically a prerequisite. Thank you! It's probably a silly goal, but oh well.