#Joel being dad material 100%

[probssomethingorother]

🚨 NEW CHAPTER! 🚨

I said I was going to turn this out and I did! Whoop whoop. Unfortunately, I have done barely any review on it so good luck folks. Will go back and make fixes soon. Feel free to call out anything glaring/jarring. @eedsknees gave me the idea to include (SPOILER) some nightmare content, so they are lowkey responsible for jump starting the writing process on this one.

Back & Forth: a the last of us fic

post-episode 8 Silver Lake hurt/comfort

Ellie & Joel, both riding the struggle bus, canon compliant

Rating: Mature for dark themes, nothing more than the show

It was Joel who stumbled first. He had felt the strength seeping out of him with every step so viscerally it was like his body was a container with a slow leak. His gate would falter and his hand would slip further down her shoulder, power waning. He would cough in his throat and blink forcefully trying to reignite the spark of energy that had carried him to Ellie just hours ago, but it was all a losing battle. And eventually, he lost it. It was Ellie who moved first after that.

chp 1 | chp 2 | chp 3 | chp 4 | chp 5 | chp 6 | chp 7 | chp 8 / chp 8 |

chp 9 !!! YAY !!

read on Ao3 with the link above or below the cut, and remember comment where you can! <3

Chapter 9: (warning not proof read, will do that in the AM)

A lifetime ago, he was warned that raising a teenager - a teen girl at that - was going to be one of the hardest things he was going to live through. Joel had just started into the moody teenage years with Sarah before he lost her, they had their small arguments here and there, but really hadn’t quite hit that point where she was talking back, slamming doors, walking away, or giving him the silent treatment. Still, he had done all the mental preparation for the day his teenage girl would suddenly start putting him to the test, but he never thought in a million years that the teenage girl doing it was not going to be his Sarah. No, it was Ellie. 

Ellie, who had gone from pouting in silence on the couch to fitfully falling back asleep. From his spot a few feet away, Joel had first thought she was muttering under her breath, talking through something and trying to vent her frustrations, but then he noticed the way her body rose and sank rhythmically.  Still turned away from him, he couldn’t see her face to confirm, but after countless nights of looking over her while he took watch, he knew her breathing patterns like a parent knowing their child’s distinct cries. 

She was asleep, and deeply; unfortunately, it just wasn’t peacefully. 

For a long few minutes, Joel waited in the wingback chair, knee bouncing as he debated how long to let the restlessness go on before intervening. Hunched over with his arms on his knees, he wrung out his hands as he watched each one of her breaths and acutely listened in for what was slipping from her mouth, even turning his head so his good ear pointed more in her direction. 

Over the months together he had seen her have a few occasionally, but he had never woken her, and eventually, she did always settle. But now, this just felt different. She had been struggling in her waking hours, it seemed cruel to also let her suffer in her sleep.

“I’m not…don’t,” she softly muttered. The words were more distinct than much of the rest that had been coming from her, and the sense of desperation behind them was painfully evident.

Sighing, Joel stood up with a groan and silently moved closer to her. The blankets were still tightly wrapped around her, constricting her movements to small twitches of her body, clearly unable to manage anything more against the weighty fabric. Her hair splayed across the cushion and fell down her back, which just made Joel realize it now was fully out of its normal ponytail, elastic lost somewhere - maybe forever. In the soft light of the fire, her hair looked almost golden. However, it also meant its tangles and mats were highlighted, strands clumped and bunched in weird spots. 

“No….stop…no,” Ellie cried out again, still a soft and breathy slew of words, her body twitching again before settling. 

For a moment, it actually looked like she might be calming for good, heavy breaths petering out for a second; so Joel hesitated before making any further moves, hand lingering just above her shoulder. From above, he could now see more of her face. It was contorted with a tightness, brows pushed together and jaw clenched. It looked like she was trying to turn it more into the cushion, hide it away from something, but she could only push in so much into the fabric without smothering herself - even her unconscious body seemed to know that. 

Wherever she was, or whatever she was seeing, in her head, couldn’t be anything good. 

Suddenly, Ellie’s breathing hitched, a whimper escaping her lips, her eyes fluttering beneath her lids as she relived whatever terror she was experiencing. “Please…,” she whispered. 

The sounds tore at Joel's heart. 

Enough was enough. 

Taking a deep breath, he gently placed a hand on her shoulder, trying to shake her awake, “Hey…hey, Ellie. Wake up,” he murmured, voice thick with concern.

But his soft murmurs only seemed to increase her unease. Her breathing grew more rapid, each exhale punctuated by a soft whimper of distress. 

"Ellie.." Joel tried again, placing more pressure on her shoulder to tip her onto her back. Her body complied, and she was now supine, but that also only seemed to make things worse for her.  The whimpers started to get caught in her throat, her face screwing up like she was about to cry. 

"Kiddo, time to wake up," Joel said, a little more sternly as he brought a gentle hand to the top of her head in a small gesture of comfort. It was an old instinct, something he used to do for Sarah when she was too afraid to sleep- gently caressing the top of her head, brushing back her beautiful curls to lull her down. (He later learned she should be in a bonnet when she slept, hair tucked away, but oh well). 

He brushed back some of Ellie’s hair too, trying not to get distracted by how utterly dirty it was,  bits sticking together by something, making it feel almost crunchy. 

“Ple….don’t….that’s…you’re hurting mmm….” 

She sounded like she was talking to someone now, and just being in proximity to it made Joel riddled with guilt as if he was the one it was directed at. With another soft sigh, Joel’s hand trailed down her head, past her shoulder, and onto her arm, giving it a squeeze. The move was a bad choice. 

Ellie's body immediately jerked away from him, eyes shooting open in terror, as her arm flung out in a wild, blind attempt to get the touch off her. 

Her hand connected solidly with the most vulnerable part of Joel- her loose fist hitting his barely stitched-together stab wound, dead center.

Ellie’s hand was tiny, but even so, it fucking hurt so bad. Time seemed to freeze, the sheer intensity of the pain anchoring Joel in agonizing stillness before the sensation hit him in full, like a tidal wave. He saw stars, the bright flecks dancing in front of his eyes as every nerve in his body screamed in agony. It felt like a thousand needles were being driven into his side, radiating outwards in a hot, searing wave of pinpricks that washed through his body from head to toe. 

He stumbled back with an unstable step, knocking into the edge of the coffee table before trying to catch himself, only for his legs to do the opposite and give out beneath him. He crumpled to the floor with a deep pained groan, voice ragged and raw, landing with a thump. 

For a very long moment, the world seemed distant, muffled, as if he was underwater as he sat still on the floor, hands not even able to clutch at the spot, just ghosting above it. For that same very long moment, Ellie’s eyes stayed fixed wide, now with a different form of terror as she came to terms with what she had just done. Both rattled by the sudden change of events, everything became eerily still between them as the room turned scarily quiet.

Fuck, fuck, fuck, played on repeat in Ellie’s head, until finally she was was scrambling to sit up, blankets tangling around her, restricting her movements. With a frustrated groan, she yanked and kicked them away, tossing them angrily aside as she popped off the couch, desperate to check on Joel. 

She almost tripped and fell down too, feet getting caught up in the pile of discarded fabric on the floor. The stumble became a somewhat coordinated descent, and she dropped to her knees at his side. 

”Oh God, Fuck, fuck, Joel?,” Ellie stammered, her voice laden with guilt. She knelt anxiously beside him, hands hovering, unsure of where to touch, or how to help. His eyes were squinted, brow furrowed, beads of sweat already forming on his forehead. He looked as he did when she first put him on that dingy mattress in the basement, just constipated with pain. It made her want to vomit knowing she was now the one to cause it this time. 

Still filled with lingering anxiety from her nightmares, Ellie’s body was cracking under all the emotion, tears pricking at her waterline. She fluttered her eyes quickly, trying to get it to stop, but the longer she stared down at Joel the more she felt the tears threaten to spill over. 

“Joel? Dude..what- tell me what I can do,” she stumbled out desperately. 

Joel could barely register her voice much less what she was saying. A ringing in his ears was now taking over making everything just seem a bit staticky. His eyes wandered around the ceiling for a second before screwing shut, trying to stave off an incoming wave of dizziness. 

He couldn’t understand why it hurt so bad, why a hit less than a punch had literally knocked him on his ass. 

God fuck if she was able to do this, how was he going to defend them against anything if something did happen?

He groaned then, but from the thought of his inability not the pain. The pain was on a level that far surpassed groans. 

“Okay..okay just,” Ellie began, taking his shaky hovering hands and moving them away, “let me look. I’m sorry.. sorry.. sorry,” she finished, biting at her lip as she slowly tried to raise his shirt to see the damage she had caused. 

But Joel wasn’t going to let her feel bad for this. Certainly wasn’t going to allow her to make it her responsibility to fix him again. Absolutely not.  

Despite the waves of pain that threatened to overwhelm him, Joel managed to open his eyes. Through the haze, he saw Ellie's panicked face, her deep brown eyes wide with fear. 

She had barely gotten his shirt up, it sticking to him with dried blood. "S'okay," he rasped, bringing a hand up to push down the fabric and stop her before she could get much further. "Don’t," slipped out, although he had been going for “don’t worry.” 

Ellie stopped moving, but didn’t release the grip on his shirt, worried now that anything she would do would just make it worse. “I- okay - just what - how? What do you need?” 

Realizing his poor attempt at speaking before had only made her more anxious, Joel didn’t rush into replying this time. He took a long breath in and out, controlled through his mouth. It made his stomach produce a deep pain when his diaphragm filled and released the air, chest cavity rising and deflating. He pushed his head further back into the cold ground, trying to focus on a different sort of feeling than something beside his side.

“Just gimme…a second.” He pushed out, words complete and mostly steady this time. 

Ellie bit her lip, regret evident in her eyes. Releasing his shirt, and with a deep exhale she sat back on her heels, giving Joel space but still close enough to assist him if he needed. 

She couldn’t believe she had fucking hurt him. He was still fucking fragile and she really could have done some damage - she knew it. It wasn’t like she had given him world-class first aid in the first place. 

“Did I get your stitches?” She asked with apprehension. They were probably so fucked.

“Ellie.” Her name reverberated through the sparsely furnished room, the sound trailing out shakily from a  Joel. He might as well have just said, “shut up,” because somehow that’s what it sounded like to Ellie’s ears.  

Silence started and dragged on then for several moments as they both waited for Joel’s pain began to recede, neither moving much at all. Every so often there was a small sniffle as Ellie tried to bite back tears. 

Joel's voice, rough and filled with exhaustion, broke the monotony. 

“Already feeling better,” he offered, after the third sniffle. Ellie had been trying to hide being on the brink of crying, but there wasn’t much space between them for things to be going unheard. 

With a roll of her eyes and a huff, she wiped at them with the back of her hands.

“I don’t even know why I’m crying…I’m not a fricken crybaby,” she mumbled, clearly frustrated with herself. Joel hummed in agreement as he began to reposition himself, more focused on not causing himself any more pain than producing a reply to her. 

“Are you sure you’re okay? Cause you don’t look okay…” Ellie pushed anxiously, trying to get the focus back on him. 

“I’m fine. Just caught me off guard is all.”

They both knew that was a bit of an oversimplification and by the look on Ellie’s face, she wasn’t too happy with his attempt to brush this under the carpet.

"It wasn't your fault," Joel murmured, pushing himself to a sitting position with a wince. Every movement he made seemed to be a battle, a very annoying struggle against the pain that radiated from his side. "You were just reacting... to something else…. probably my fault anyhow.” 

Joel's eyes inadvertently flicked down to Ellie's bare thighs, the blue-black hues of bruises evident even in the dim light, as she knelt next to him. He had noticed them earlier, but the immediate crisis then had pushed the thoughts to the back of his mind. Now, they came flooding back, mind zoning out as his gaze lingered on the red flags that marred her body.

She had been reacting to something else. 

“I said don’t touch me motherfucker!”

Broken pants. 

“Don’t do it, please don’t do it.”

Scratches on her waistline. 

“you’re hurting-”

Begging, even in her sleep.

“Please don’t.”

"Quit staring," Ellie muttered with a hint of bitterness. Drawn from spiraling thoughts, Joel’s eye flicked back up to hers, filled with a genuine concern, and a bit of remorse. 

"I wasn’t—“ 

“You were," she cut him off, her voice filled turning to something else, a mix of exhaustion and defiance as she pulled down her sweatshirt the best she could to cover her thighs. It barely did a thing.  

”Let me see your side," she said, moving toward his shirt once more. He held out a hand, stopping her.

He wasn’t going to let her keep avoiding this. 

“Tit for tat - you wanna check on me, I wanna check on you,” Joel rasped, his voice carrying an edge of firmness, making it clear that this was really non-negotiable even if presenting it as such. 

Ellie’s jaw clenched. “I’m fine,” she said sternly. 

“You ain’t,” he countered, eyes again flicking down to her legs, purposefully this time, brows raised before he came back to meet her eyes. They were as terse as he’d ever seen. 

They darted away from his view as she muttered, "It's nothing,” her voice low, but Joel caught the slight tremor in it. 

“It ain’t 'nothing'," he pressed firmly. 

With an irritated exhale, Ellie rose as her eyes rolled. She stared down at him for a long moment before shooting her hand out for him to grab. 

Joel looked at it, and then at her, and then back to it. He hadn’t really anticipated getting up this soon, but he wasn’t going to deny the hand she was extending, metaphorical or physical. He hoped that despite the anger her face showed, the gesture was as much about reconciliation as it was assistance. 

Of course, he wouldn’t be so lucky. 

With more force than he thought she capable, Ellie helped him move to stand, pulling him vertically and giving him a tight grip to sink into it. She didn’t say a word about the heavy groan that ripped through his body during it all or the way his strong grasp made the cut on the side of her hand burn. She turned away her head from his as he made his way up, not wanting to meet his gaze, and not wanting him to see the way she was making her own body ache with the effort of supporting him. Head drooping toward the floor, she stayed by his side for a moment as he panted through the residual pain, bent at the waist just slightly his free hand on his hip. When he seemed steady enough, Ellie slipped her hand from his, giving it a little shake to rid the irritation in her fingers from his clenched hold. 

Marching back to the couch, she aggressively snatched the blankets off the ground and plopped herself onto the worn cushions with a glare and a huff, deliberately positioning the university quilts over her legs to hide it all away.  

“Fuck you,” she spat stoically as her body hunched down, arms crossing over her chest. 

It had flipped so easily inside her, the switch back to anger and frustration, that it was almost catching her own self off guard. Her stomach felt like it was hanging low, her muscles were all tense, her throat was aching to scream, and her body desperately just felt like picking up the closest thing and heaving it across the room. 

She bit the impulse back, stifled down the brewing aggression and frustration - but just barely. 

The last time she let herself get swept up in the same feelings a man’s head became sludge on the carpet. Ellie knew she wouldn’t do that to Joel - ever - but she also didn’t want to go anywhere near the emotions that she knew could fuel that sort of thing.

But, that was much harder said than done. And right now, her mind and heart were at odds, unsure of which was actually in control, but either way, one was telling her to make Joel hurt. To make him sad and angry. To make him feel the way she was suddenly starting to again. 

“You took off my pants.” 

The regret was immediate as she spat the words out with venom, but there was also a sweet satisfaction that came afterward, when the words hung heavy in the air, when the look on his face told her she had it - that soft spot inside of him, that protector persona - easily crushed. 

“Ellie..” 

She shouldn’t be doing this, not to him, none of this was his fault, but for some reason, she couldn’t make herself stop. 

“You wouldn’t’ve even known… I never said you could do that, ” she muttered, eyes narrowing.

The color drained from Joel’s face, and for a moment he looked as if he was about to topple over again.  He sucked in a long breath, a deep feeling of culpability settling in his heart. It was almost more painful than Ellie’s hand connecting with his wound just moments before - actually, he might prefer round two of that now, then this, or whatever this was shaping up to be. 

He knew what he did, knew it had been necessary, but it made him feel dirty all the same. She didn’t have to do much to bring out the guilt when he already felt ashamed. 

Slowly, Joel turned and eased himself into the wingback, taking up refuge in the same spot he had watched her battle through the nightmare earlier - a nightmare he was suddenly worried was somehow about him. 

Head low, forearms resting on his thighs, palms, and hands anxiously rubbing together, he ground his teeth back and forth, her screams echoing in his ears once again. 

A blip of his large hands encircling her tiny bruised wrists as he moved them away, came to mind, coming back to haunt him like he knew it would when had done it. He hummed at the thought, wondering for a second if perhaps he had done something wrong. 

Rushed through it, overstepped, and caused more harm than good. 

But then thought of how she was fading in and out, how she shaking - so badly - how her skin was like ice - might as well have been a dead body, cold like a corpse. 

Joel nodded his head up and down, convincing himself of what he already knew.

There were lots to feel guilty over, but this couldn’t be one of them. 

Anxiously, he raised his head and met hers, trying to read her face and not her words. Ellie’s expression was one filled with contempt, but her eyes held a completely different story - a kid broken and scared. 

She was hurting, and if the look in her eyes wasn’t enough, the bruises on her face and the blood splatter still staining her complexion were more than enough of a pointed reminder that Joel needed to tread lightly even if she was marching full steam ahead, raging at the world - at him.

She was doing this on purpose, pushing him, but he wouldn’t push her - couldn’t. 

He thought back to before, when he came rushing back into the living room fearing she had slipped away in the few moments he had taken to get the blankets. He remembered the small smile on her face when he made his way into her sights, and how she cracked open his heart with her candid confession:

“I’m always gonna come back.” 

“I like when you do.” 

Centering himself on that memory, and not her screams, Joel ran a hand down the length of his face before brushing it back and forth against the scruff of his beard. He let out a long sigh, a little worried he was about to say the wrong thing. 

 "I had to..." he began, his voice coming out more as a gravelly murmur than anything else. He stopped, swallowed hard, and tried again. "You were freezin’..." he said remorsefully, but pointedly, a statement of fact and an apology, side by side. 

Ellie nodded with a blank expression, purposefully trying to keep her face deadpan. She didn’t remember all that much, but she wasn’t stupid - logically, she knew that’s what happened. 

That hadn’t been the point of bringing it up. 

“You couldn’t do it yourself, so I had’ta.”

“I told you to stop,” she countered.

Truthfully, she still didn’t remember much of the whole ordeal, but bits were coming back slowly. There were some moments, vague, but there, she could use against him if she wanted - paint a certain image, true or not. All she could see was her arms and hands pushing against his, small fists banging against his forearms, yelling at him. 

Her gaze found the fire for a moment, landing on the red and orange licks of flames, just past his shoulder. 

Hands pushing against his, small fists banging against his forearms, red carpet, flames.  

“…I was yelling and you kept going…” she said, almost absently, head somewhere else for a twinkle of a second. 

She gulped down a growing lump in her throat as her eyes quickly flicked back to Joel, and with a few blinks cleared the images of him away. 

Joel opened his mouth to reply but shut it quickly, giving her a nod instead. She wasn’t wrong, but she wasn’t right either. 

In the very back of Ellie’s head, a small voice was screaming at her to not be an idiot. To stop whatever this was, now, before she took it too far. That he wasn’t him. That this is leftover aggression stuck inside, threatening to ruin something good. 

But she couldn’t. 

Her jaw clenched tighter as her eyes went hard and steely. Her head was really starting to throb again, and the hot feeling that had been in her gut was now starting to travel up her body, making her throat tight as it also ushered in a bit of nausea. 

She was seething so much that she was making herself sick from the intensity of it all. And for what?

She wiggled in her seat, hands going to grip the sides of the couch, knuckles going white, as she lowered her head to stare at the floor, wondering why he wasn’t getting mad like she thought he would.

“I know, you were..” Joel confirmed, hoping that not denying, or trying to belittle it would somehow make this better for her. 

He was able to see her demeanor going colder and colder with every moment she sat on the couch, coming to slow a boil like a pot on a stove.  Part of him did want to defend himself and go toe to toe with her - it was only natural - but a bigger part of him just wanted to gather her up in another hug and just never let go. Make her emotions quell, stop the roiling. 

"I know what your doin'..." he said, shaking his head, "I know you don't mean what you're sayin’."

"I - ah ..," Ellie stuttered, not expecting to be called out. ”Asshole," she said, trying to recover, albeit not strongly, before tumbling along, words spilling from her mouth.  “You’re an asshole, and you - if you gave a shit about me then, you wouldn’t have -“

“- Hey now…“ Joel interjected quickly, a grovel in his voice clearly revealing that his calm exterior was cracking away, her words now hitting him with a certain potency.  Ellie’s voice trailed off at the sound of his, focus going to watching the change in his body language, his shoulders tensing, eyes moving away, hand rubbing at his thigh. 

Of course, he gave a shit about her. After everything? 

She really wasn’t making this easy, and now the underlying guilt that still coursed in his veins - that was practically a part of him now - even though he knew it was misplaced - was turning to frustration, and frustration into precarious anger. 

And Ellie knew it too, and now she couldn’t hold back. She wanted to pry that spark of anger from behind his eyes and ignite it. Light it on fire like that fucking restaurant. 

“Would you have done that to Sa-“

“Enough.” Joel spat, jaw tight, eyes hard. 

Sarah. 

It was a low blow, even for Ellie.  

His heart was thumping in his chest, whooshing in his ears. He knew where the sentence was going the minute, it was coming out of her, and he couldn’t let it stand. He had sidestepped what she had been insulting the entire time - the dark impropriety of it all - because it was just so far from the truth that it wasn’t even worth playing into. But now, bring up something like that, almost accusing him, with his daughter…no. It crossed a line. 

With a deep inhale, Joel pushed himself off the chair the pain of it all buried monetarily under his own indignation, only a small wince escaping. The old wood creaked under him, the sound echoing the tension in the room. With a slow-paced stride, his leather boots thudded against the floor, the rhythmic sound resonating through the still air, each deliberate step echoing ominously. His fists were balled tightly as he sad and his face stern. 

Ellie watched as he got closer, content that she had finally pushed him over the edge. 

She hated herself, but not just for this. 

Coming to a still directly in front of her, he lowly began, “You don’t-,” he dragged in a long breath, “you don’t bring her anywhere in this….that ain’t right, and you know it.” 

His intention wasn’t to be intimidating - just firm, but standing above her as he was, was a little bit menacing.  Ellie gave him a slow nod, eyes looking forward, not up towards him. Her quickening pulse was echoing in her ears, mouth getting a little watery with apprehension.

Joel looked anywhere but down towards her, not wanting to show her any more anger than he already had let slip out. His fingers ran against his palms, still tightly screwed together, as his eyes wandered around the area behind the couch, scanning the kitchen, hoping to use it mundanity as a means to steady himself. 

Exhaling through his nose, Joel took a long step back, and then another away, turning his back toward Ellie. 

God, bringing his Sarah up like that, now. What was she thinkin’?

Drawing his head up to the ceiling, he called back to that feeling in his gut when he woke up alone in the basement. That feeling in his chest, when he thought he was about to find her body a the end of a trail of blood. That feeling in his heart, when she fell into his arm, scared as all hell. 

He shook his head. Ellie was his too. 

An oppressive silence stretched between them, the weight of unsaid words becoming almost palpable as Joel swayed back and forth on the balls of his feet, debating what to say, how to carry on. It was clear she was just lashing out, generally, but he couldn't let it all slide. Not that easily.

"Trauma ain't a hall pass" - Tommy told him that once. 

Sucking in a final long breath, hands going to his hips, Joel turned to face Ellie. 

“I know I wasn’t there. But I got to eyes. And I know somethin’ happened to you. And if this is  - was? - you tryin’ to make sense about that then, fine. Spit whatever you want at me, okay? Hit me, yell at me, I don’t care…I’ll take it.. I deserve that…cause that’s on me for leaving you alone.”  His voice was eerily steady, low, and coarse like how Ellie knew it when he was barking orders at her, way back at the beginning of their journey together. The tenderness that he had exhibited since coming back together seemed to be gone, even though his words painted a different picture. For better of worse, this was the Joel she knew. 

“But listen to me. I’m serious Ellie - Listen here.” Joel waited for Ellie to look up and meet his eyes. When she did so, he continued.  “Sarah stays far out of it.” 

Ellie didn’t make a move, a little stunned by the way he seemed to have his emotions under control, especially after she had expected so much more.  

He was going to end it at that, but a nagging voice in the back of his head told him he might as well dot all his ‘I’s and cross his ’T’s too. 

“And to be clear, I didn’t do anythin’, would never, do anythin’ to you- like what you were getting at.. makes me sick just thinking about it,” his tone was serious, yet his words danced around the hard topic like he wasn’t confident using the real words for it. His mouth turned down as the thought of it stayed in his brain, festering for a moment before fading out. 

The look in his eyes had Ellie swallowing back some guilt, tears even beginning to prick at her waterline again. 

Joel's hand came to his neck, rubbing away the much-accumulated tension, while looking around the room to search for something else to focus on. His eyes landed on her again - how could they not - and he paused. Blood, bruises, brewing with anger. He could fix some of that.

His eyes went to the pot of water still resting on the coffee table after all this time and then over toward the hallway.

He cleared his throat. “Now, I’m gonna go see if there ain’t something around here to clean you up with.”

It’s said with genuine care, but it's not hard to read that perhaps it’s also a distraction - a misdirection- to take away from the fraught way the conversation had come to a close.

Joel scooted past the couch with a slight limp, heading toward the hallway and out the room, leaving Ellie sitting alone.

[dumbass-duo-showdown]

ROUND 2

So I’m back! Bracket time!

Reminder the time zone being used is CET

APPLE BRACKET

Aka Cartoons, Anime, and games associated with such (fire emblem and ace attorney)

Day 1 22/4, finished

Part 1: 5pm

Reigen Arakata (mob psycho 100) vs Corazon (one piece), finished

Lord Garmadon (Lego ninjago) vs Heinz Doofenshmirtz (Phineas and Ferb), finished

Iroh (avatar: the last airbender) vs Bob Blecher (bob’s burgers), finished

Iruka Umino (naruto) vs Darkwing Duck (darkwing Duck), finished

Part 2: 8pm

Hakoda (avatar; the last airbender) vs Ice King (adventure time), finished

Greg Universe (Steven universe, he won an extra battle because I forgot him at first) vs Splinter (teenage mutant ninja turtles), finished

Bruno Bucciarati (JoJo’s bizarre adventure) vs Greil (fire emblem: path or radiance), finished

Professor Kukui (Pokémon) vs Phoenix Wright (ace attorney), finished

Day 2: 24/4, finished

Part 1: 5pm

David Evans (Inazuma 11) vs Loid Forger (spy x family), finished

Tim Lockwood (cloudy with a chance of meatballs) vs Oscar Proud (the proud family), finished

Shouta Aizawa (my hero academia) vs Donald Duck (ducktales), finished

Sailor Uranus (sailor moon) vs Skipper (penguins of Madagascar), finished

Part 2: 8pm

Sully (monsters ink) vs Kouhei Inuzuka (sweetness and lighting), finished

Alibert (wakfu) vs Meta Knight (Kirby), finsihed

Gru (despicable me) vs Zenkichi Hasegawa (persona), finished

Kanan Jarrus (Star Wars: rebels) vs Mr Ping (kung fu panda), finished

BAPELSIN BRACKET

Aka live action media, books, and video games & graphic novels not associated with anime (so no light novels or tie ins)

Day 1: 26/4 5pm, finished

Bobby Nash (9 1 1 on fox) vs Benjamin Sisko (Star Trek, deep Space 9), finished

Subject Delta (bioshock) vs Atticus Finch (how to kill a mockingbird), finished

Paul Blofis (Percy Jackson) vs Gomez Addams (the Addams family), finished

Lee Everett (telltale’s the walking dead) vs Waymond Wang (everywhere everything all at once), finished

Part 2: 8pm

Joel Miller (the last of us) vs Calvin’s dad (Calvin and Hobbes), finished

Pyrrha Dve (the locked tomb) vs Common Wubbox (my singing monsters), finished

Doc Louis (punch out!!) vs Riki (xenoblade), finished

Bob Cratchit (a Christmas carol) vs Mo Folchart (inkheart), finished

Day 2, 28/4

Part 1: 5pm

Alfred Pennyworth (Batman) vs Asgore Dreemurr (undertale), finished

Dave Seville (Alvin and the chipmunks) vs Chimney Han (9 1 1), finished

Glamrock Freddy (fnaf: security breach) vs Bail Organa (Star wars) , finished

Kim Dokja (omniscient Reader’s viewpoint) vs Hal Wilkerson (Malcom in the middle), finished

Part 2: 8pm

Lee Scoresby (his dark materials) vs Dream (sandman) , finished

Thrushpelt (warrior cats) vs Barret Wallace (final fantasy 7), finished

Domingo Montoya (the princess bride) vs Terry Jeffords (Brooklyn 99), finished

Rupert Giles (Buffy) vs Pollination Tech 9 Smith (the sims 2: strangetown), finished

QUICK QUESTIONS

WHY THIS PAIR UP? I’m a bringer if chaos, also it was random

What time zone? CET!

How do I do propaganda? Well first you reblog with a text post, don’t put the propaganda in the tags. Or send me an ask! I will make sure to reblog it with the right tags

Hey I saw you made a mistake, what should i do? First, don’t use anon asks to correct my spelling and if I misuse slang. Just tell me directly. If it is 2 hours after a poll has launched, I will redo it immediately. But I will write down the mistakes I make and correct them later on

CODE OF CONDUCT

Previous battles

Main Rounds

ROUND 1

Second chance/dad mansion break in

ROUND 1

The only way to show how the battles (second chance) will happen cuz it’s random AN EXTRA NON DAD BATTTLE?!?!?!?!?!?

[snl89]

TLOU finale ramble

Holy moly did TLOU nail that finale!! 😭

Rambly thoughts: 

- Every new scene/moment they added was SO, so good. The Anna flashback with Ashley Johnson? Incredible! Joel being now so open with Ellie that he’d even tell her about his suicide attempt? My freaking heeeart 💔 And even just Ellie confirming that she did in fact have to kill Riley 😔 So yeah, just... I am in awe of just how well done this show is, and how they took already fantastic source material and made it even better with just a few small moments that add so much depth. 

- I will say, Marlene frustrated me a LOT less than in the game, which does have the intended effect of making it harder to stomach Joel’s massacre (and pheeeew baby, they did NOT skimp on the brutality of what he did!) In the game, Marlene was just so freaking cold and self righteous and lecture-y to Joel. I was like “girl, what the hell are you doing telling him the equivalent of ‘suck it up and deal, we’ve all lost people’!?! There is no way you can’t tell this girl a daughter to him now!” (And *especially* then when we see in Part 2 how she’s resistant to it herself and asking Abby’s dad if it would be so easy for him to sacrifice Abby, it just made me go “where the hell was that compassion with Joel!?”) But yeah, show Marlene, while I still do not agree with her and the Fireflies, was a lot less cold about it and I genuinely buy that she was in a lot of pain about what she was having to do too, so I think that was a much better way to hammer home the very grey morality of the situation. 

- With all of the above said? I still fall largely on Joel’s side! Not only because I sympathize so much with why he did it, but because I just refuse to accept utilitarianism that extreme that it's used to justify killing a child for the greater good. I don’t care if it was even a 100% certainty that they’d be able to make the vaccine; if the “cure” for humanity requires you to kill a kid without their knowledge, let alone consent, and threaten to kill their surrogate parent if they don’t leave and allow you to do it, then it’s not. a cure. worth. having. We don’t save humanity by giving up that which makes us human and not cold, calculating utilitarian robots. 

And in that moment, I don’t think Joel was specifically thinking about all of that; all he was thinking was that HELL NO he was not about to lose Ellie too, and lord help any MFer who got in his way of saving her. But that’s kind of the point: the selfishness of love IS what makes us human, and I for one wouldn’t have it otherwise. And yes, I stand by that even knowing Ellie would have let them do it; because she was a young girl with severe survivor’s guilt and trauma, and she freaking deserved the chance that Joel gave her to get to LIVE and work through that trauma before dying for the rest of the world. Her life DOES matter on its own terms, and she had a right to come to understand that for herself before being asked to make that kind of sacrifice. 

[lindsaywesker]

Good morning!  I hope you slept well and feel rested?  Currently sitting in my study, attired only in my blue towelling robe, enjoying my first cuppa of the day.  Welcome to Too Much Information Tuesday. 

Australian cats kill one million birds per day.

The risk of penile fractures rises at Christmas.

46% of Americans did not read a book in 2023.

Liechtenstein’s national anthem has the same tune as Britain’s.

About a third of pregnancies in women over 40 are unplanned.

The Great Wall of China is partially held together with sticky rice.

Frédéric Chopin could only grow sideburns on one side of his face.

Bats give birth upside down and catch their babies in their wings.

Being slightly tipsy makes you better at speaking a foreign language.

People over 40, on average, feel 20% younger than they actually are.

Cyclists in the Tour de France need to consume up to 9000 calories a day.

7% of adults have broken up with a significant other on Valentine’s Day.

12% of Britons admit to taking part in a work video meeting while using the toilet.

About twice as many Britons would rather time travel to the past than the future.

Before mating, the male spider mite will undress the female by stripping her skin off.

A YouGov survey found that 35% of Britons say they are just too tired to lead a healthier lifestyle.

The hands of an amputee who had a double hand transplant in 2017 have changed colour to match her skin tone.

A study of sexual libidos found women who slept for an extra hour were 14% more likely to want to have sex the next day.

An official U.S. government website – fatherhood dot gov – provides educational materials on how to be a father.  It includes a collection of dad jokes.

In several Finnish libraries, children with reading difficulties can practise reading aloud to reading dogs who listen patiently without criticising or interrupting.

The Victorian version of fake news was ‘evening wheezes’.  They were stories, often untrue, spread in the half-penny newspapers distributed in the evening.

Items that got stuck in Americans’ orifices in 2023 include one ecstasy pill (ear), two engagement rings (throat) and “an unknown amount of magnetic balls” (rectum).

Carrie Fisher, who played Princess Leia, and James Earl Jones, who provided the voice for Darth Vader in ‘Star Wars’ in 1977, met for the first time on a 2014 episode of ‘The Big Bang Theory’.

The term ‘barista’ was introduced during Mussolini’s campaign against the use of foreign languages.  It was considered a more Italian word to replace the common English term ‘barman’.

The German publishing company Langenscheidt has an annual ‘Youth Word Of The Year’.  In 2008, it was ‘Gammelfleischparty’ or ‘rotting meat party’, a way to refer to a gathering of people aged over 30.

The marine biologist Joel Hedgpeth was the founder and sole member of the Society for the Prevention of Progress.  He rejected all membership applications, because “growth in members would represent progress.”

Marie Curie, the first person to win two Nobel prizes, was not allowed to attend university in her home country because of her gender.  Instead, she spent several years attending a secret, underground university.

In Sweden, you have a constitutional right to allemansrätten, which is the right to peacefully hike, camp, bike, and enjoy nature anywhere in the country unimpeded, with the only restriction being you must not hike close to someone’s house or damage a garden.

The toilet paper roll is only about 100 years old.  Prior to indoor plumbing, outhouses were more sanitary than one might think.  An ash bucket was kept nearby with a scoop and was used frequently to cover one’s business.  This kept down down smell, bacteria and flies.

Have a tremendous & tumultuous Tuesday.  I love you all.

[fyrapartnersearch]

Seeking Literate Partners!

Disclaimer: Male authors, please stop contacting me. I've been burned too many times. If you persist, I'll ignore your message. Hello, you can call me Doe! I'm 25+ and a proud cat mom. I write multiple paragraphs/novella style (200-500+ words). I love to write detailed descriptions and delve into a character’s head/emotions as well as surroundings. I compare it to writing a novel together. I understand if the scene doesn’t have alot going on and therefore requires less like rapid fire. I adore having long, thoughtful replies where we truly immerse ourselves in the world. I'm hoping to find a partner whose as enthusiastic and passionate about the plot and writing as I am. When I get invested in a story, it’s 100% dedication. Getting a reply is the highlight of my day. I'm a big fan of romance and using face claims. I’m the type to make pinterest boards, spam you with gifs, headcanons, and send you songs that remind me of our characters and/or ship. I'll get excited if we come up with future plot ideas, or if our characters are being cute or angsty and I can yell about it in the chat. Last but not least I only do MxF (with myself in the female role) and don’t double, but I’m more than happy to write side characters of either gender to help move the story along. I'd highly prefer female authors writing male characters. Searching For - 21+ partners - For you to have an excellent grasp of grammar, punctuation, spelling, and capitalization. Both in character and out of character. (Literate to advanced writers only, please. I'm not looking for newbies or those who have English as their second/third language). - Plot before smut. While mature themes will be in my plots, and are even encouraged, there needs to be chemistry between our characters. I like to have a good mix of plot and tastefully written smut, along with doses of angst and fluff. - For you to write as an older man (40s+/50s+). I'm a sucker for the gruff and tough men with dark pasts who secretly have a soft heart. I also love those grumpy, hypermasculine men being intimidated by soft yet commanding women. The youngest I write is early 20s. - Please be enthusiastic and invested when it comes to plotting/worldbuilding. There’s nothing worse than receiving one sentence in reply to two paragraphs of ideas, or having a doormat partner who says “sure” to whatever I ask. Tossing ideas back and forth, watching them snowball into amazing plot threads brings me joy. - Joining me in the wonderful world of ship/character development is kind of a must. It’s one of the things that makes writing with a partner so much fun. I also like to make friends with my partners! - While I'd prefer real life face claims, I'd also be open to using realistic art if you're uncomfortable with real life. I draw the line at anime/cartoon art. Faces I'd love to write as: gal gadot, rooney mara, ruth negga, saoirse ronan, sophie turner, jessica chastain, jennifer morrison, mia wasikowska, natalia dyer, brit marling, deborah ann woll, mackenzie davis, emmy rossum, adria adjora, chyler leigh, hayley bennet, tashi rodriguez, lily james, cara delevingne, maya hawke, katheryn winnick, elizabeth olsen, abigal cowen, sophia lillis lauren cohan, zoey deutsch, paulina singer, crystal reed, hayley lu richardson, ask about others Faces I'd love to write against: jeffery dean morgan, hugh jackman, robert taylor, jr bourne, jon bernthal, jason issacs, anthony varrecchiah, brett tucker, david harbour, frank grillo, iain glen, josh duhamel, patrick petitjean, ethan hawke, christian bale, rory mccann, younger sam elliot, titus welliver, viggo mortensen, joel miller (illustrated face), ask about others If you've made it this far, thank you! You won't be disappointed in writing with me. I tend to be online daily and while I'd like it if you were too, I understand that real life things comes first. Let me know if you're going to be inactive/can’t continue. If you suddenly stop replying ic and ooc, I'll drop the story after 2 attempts of gauging continued interest spaced a week apart. Below are genres and pairings I love. Feel free to combine as many as you'd like and I’m sure we can come up with something great! Current cravings are in bold. Two thing I don't do are slice of life and historical plots. Genres: - crimes in remote locations - spooky small towns - post apocalyptic/dystopia - supernatural/modern fantasy (A/B/O, werewolves, shapeshifters, alpha x rival pack alpha's child, werewolf x shifter, alpha x new werewolf, involuntary mate-bond, mating/claiming) - southern/mid western gothic - murder mystery (small town or big city) - modern/dark fairy tale retellings - sci-fi - cyberpunk/retro-futuristic - little coastal towns or little towns in the mountains - emotionally charged/dark and gritty - superpowers/gifted - unresolved sexual tension/slow burn - redemption - pacific northwest - suburban gothic - luring to the other side - reincarnation/multiple universes - western inspired + modern day (such as longmire) - christmas inspired - culture clash/two characters from different sides Pairings: - age gaps (older man x younger woman / 15 to 25+ year gap) - enemies to lovers/villain x heroine - cop x criminal - doctor x patient - friends turned lovers/pining - grumpy x sunshine - the broken man x the woman that becomes his light - fbi agents/cop partners - dark hearted man melting for the innocent woman - friend x best friend’s older sibling - boss x employee - neighbors - single father x friend - firefighter/cop x victim - mentor x mentee - hurt/comfort - height differences - pet names (sweetheart, baby girl, kid, kiddo) - lady and the tramp esque/class difference - creature x human/creature - ex-con x anyone - bodyguard x assignment - widow/er falling in love again - biker x civilian - rancher/mountain man x city girl - affair (with so's sibling, with so's friend, with neighbor) - hitman x target - serial killer x fbi agent - soul mates - experienced x inexperienced - local x vacationer - injured/scarred warrior washed out from their former glory x royal/heir-to-be (modern day / Sansa x Sandor inspired) - friend x best friend/boyfriend's father - daughter in law x father in law - park ranger x camper - bounty hunter x bounty - power imbalances Tropes/Themes: the papa wolf/hot dads, cultured badass, jerk with a heart of gold. ladykiller in love, mountain man, mysterious protector, southern gentleman, tall, dark, and handsome, knight in sour armor, red string of fate, villain takes an interest, porcelain to ivory to steel, when person a gets injured/kidnapped and person b goes absolutely feral to save them, cowboys tiny women and big men, the monster being treated gently for the first time in his life, two characters forced into positions where they have no choice but to reconcile their differences and grow together/trust each other, forbidden relationships, trying to escape childhood demons & reuniting in adulthood Fandoms: (I don't write canons or do canon x oc) Star Wars, X Files, Haven, Fringe, Stranger Things, Heroes, The Wolf Among Us, Mercy Thompson Series, True Blood, Marvel, The OA, Disney personified, His Dark Materials, Beastars, Horizon Zero Dawn, The Last of Us, Cyberpunk 2077 Plot Ideas: I have too many to list here but take a look at my google doc and let me know if anything catches your attention. It's a mix of fandom inspired and original plots: Plot Ideas Last but not least, I have a list of kinks if anyone's interested. I use email and discord to write. I'd also be open to joining a jcink site! Contact me at Doe#3347 on discord or by email: doeeyes73@gmail.com Please be detailed when you message me, let me know why you chose to contact me. Seeing only "hey do you wanna rp?" is a guaranteed way to turn me off. Look forward to hearing from you!

[clappinghandsemoji]

Idk why so many people are dunking on season 3 of marvelous mrs maisel.

It was my favourite.

Spoilers ahead , all the things i loved & cant stop thinking about:

- Joel being a good dad & and all his sad lil tender moments with Midge EVEN THOUGH i hate him, it was well done, and a good portrayal of a complicated relationship

-Joel’s parents being hilariously insufferable, and I do like the banter Joel has with his dad.

- Abe going thru it & working on himself

- L E N N Y B R U C E 🔥🔥🔥my man. I would ruin my life for him. the chemistry. The banter over the donuts. The dancing. The shared cigarette. Ooooooof that 20 minutes of him and midge restarted my cold dead heart. “I thought it was sensational.” shiiivvverrrrsssss

- Suzie quietly dealing with all of Sophie Lennon’s BS until she finally blew up and let her have it. I knew she would, and it was spectacular.

- a lot of people are mad about Suzie not having a relationship but honestly she’s obviously got bigger fish to fry and has been just treading water and putting up walls her whole life. I think its realistic that she doesn’t have love right now. (And I think shes pretty in love with Midge tbh. )

- I find Midge periodically HELLA irritating - it frustrated me that it took her until halfway through the season to understand that Suzie is poor af and needs a raise. It equally irrated me that she was getting ready to preform in HARLEM with zero prepared material and didnt realize that her whole audience would be black after living in New york her whole damn life. She tends to just wing it with way too high-stakes gigs and it gives me crazy anxiety.

- BENJAMIN! BENJAMIN WAS SO MAD AND HE DESERVED TO BE. He would have been so supportive if they got married!

(But then we wouldn’t have luke/lenny 😪)

- love Sterling, love Reggie. I think that even though Midge frequently puts her own feet in her mouth with her jokes she actually didnt say anything really damning about Shy; I’m convinced that the final 5 min was 100% Reggie’s doing and that Shy actually didn’t mind the act. She joked about him being high maintenance and fabulous, which everyone already knows he is. It feels to me like Reggies gonna go back on the plane and tell everyone that Maisel & co bailed at the last second. I see why and I know he’s just being protective, and I knew it would happen the second Reg told her to just make fun of Shy. As much as I can’t really stand Midge, her heartbreak at the end of the finale was really gut wrenching; worse than any of her other heartbreaks on the show. She actually really considered Shy a friend, and you can tell she’s horrified at the idea that she could have hurt him with her act.

Thank you & GOOD NIGHT

[dramaclover]

Ending & Thoughts: Brutally Young

This was a drama I’ve been looking forward to watch since it was announced. It had a uniquely fresh cast. An awesome sounding storyline and intriguing drama title. The Chinese title roughly translates into “Confession of Murder: 18 Years Later”. I wish the English title was similar to it.

Okay acting wise, it’s pretty good. Mostly solid actors in this drama. One thing I’m confused about was the amount of praised that went towards Shaun Tams portrayal of Sam. Sam was a character that always stayed calm and smart. So Shaun didn’t really show his emotions. It didn’t involve a lot of acting skills? His voice was monotone the whole time. His facial expressions weren’t that impressive. I honestly think his acting here is no different from when he was in “The Stunt”. His character there was also just calm. But I think why people think he was great is cause of the character he protrayed. Sam ultimately became the underdog you wanted to root for. He had a strong sense of justice despite what happened 18 years ago. He was severely loyal, one of the biggest reason he never turned himself in is cause he didn’t want to drag the others with him. And you just felt bad for his character, he’s just as much as a victim. And we saw how he spiraled out of control cause of his guilt. The character is what made the audience sympathize him and looked beyond Shauns acting. I’ve always said acting doesn’t matter, what matters is what character you get. If Michael Tse never gotten the role of “Laughing gor” he’d still be acting in supporting roles. Hugo Wong was casted as the charming Caesar in “Airport Strikers” and guess what? Everyone forgot about what a douchebag he is in real life from cheating with a married woman to impregnating a fan. And so this also falls under the category of “likeable character with mediocre acting”. I mean Shaun Tam wasn’t bad, but he’s not Best Actor material that everyone says he is. I still think he was very wooden, he was only good towards the end when he was going crazy with guilt.

Mandy Wong was highly praised by the staff, so I was waiting to see the powerful acting they were raving about. I didn’t see it. I kept watching every episode to see it, but I never did. When she lost her Mom and was upset about her Dad... I didn’t feel her pain. Like I felt bad but not enough that it effected me. And her character went from super confident to strong to just being blind to everything else. Was it cause of her love for Sam? Was it cause losing her Mom effected the way she thinks? I don’t know but I was very disappointed that her character didn’t do more, she just took a backseat during the rest of the last episodes.

I was shocked that Elvina Kong had such a small role. It wasn’t even a special character and she got killed off so quickly. Vivien Yeo, Griselda Yeung we’re pretty useless characters. They were literally there for the sake of mandatory love interests. As much as I loved Viviens portrayal of Ah Seen as a deaf woman, her character was a bore. Sometimes her story with Joel’s Ah Yat didn’t mesh well with the drama. In fact I’m still wondering when Ah Yat even fell for her. I thought I missed an episode. Ah Seen always had a crush on him but for Ah Yat it came out of nowhere. I wish they had just taken out the romance factors and just stuck with bromance instead.

The bromance was what made me continue to watch. It was so fun to see the friends meet up again. Especially when Chui Siu shows up. The mini flashbacks to when they were all at high school hanging out together, shooting basketballs, and eating out it shows what a tight knit group of friends they were. They were so tight that they were willing to bury the body together as to not let any one of their friends get in trouble. And it shows even though they haven’t seen each other in 18 years, they were able to pick up where they left off. It just sucks how haunted they are from the incident years ago. I wonder if that night, they had all just sat down and talked to each other about what just happened... what would change? If Ah Yat had said “No I did not murder him, when I got here he was already dead”. What would’ve happened? Would they believe Ah Yat and call the cops? Would they be afraid of each other since that means between the 7 of them one was a murderer that was willing to pin it on someone else? Ah Yat, was such an amazing character. He took the blame all these years, when he didn’t even know who actually did it. He just thought one of the 7 did it but was too scared to admit to it, so he helped him. The friendship dynamic was interesting and I had wished that all 7 had gotten back together before the killing started. It would’ve been horror movie-esque if one by one they died. Unfortunately the first friend was killed off before the 5 could successfully gather together. While the second friend was murdered before meeting the final friend Daan Taat. So technically it was the 4 of them that remained in touched and trying to solve the mystery form 18 years ago. The 4 of them would cover for each other not just cause they’re scared of getting exposed but because they genuinely don’t want to see one another go to jail. I was especially touched by how Ah Yat was willing to go through lengths for his friends. 100% loyalty even though his character got the tragic ending.

The first 2 weeks were soooo gripping. They would show partial flashbacks of what happened that night. And on the side they’re trying to figure out why their friends are getting murdered. Absolutely what a thriller should be. But. But then they revealed the killer. Which I thought was too early, so I thought there would be a plot twist (there wasn’t any). I thought maybe Sam had a split personality disorder and was actually the murder. But that wasn’t it. It turned out to be a random schoolmate he invited to the bbq out of awkwardness. I got goosebumps when they suddenly remembered how there was an 8th person there that night. They were so caught up with the moment they completely forgot about him. After it was revealed he was the killer, the thriller factor was no longer there. It then shifted focus on to Sams murder and how he’s slowly going to the dark side. Which wasn’t that interesting to watch as we saw Mandys character getting more and more dumb. I really thought there would be more to the story from 18 years ago. Like maybe the person they buried wasn’t actually dead yet. Or it was actually an accidental death or something. But nope, there wasn’t any twists the mystery just got solved early. I also wished they had shown more flashbacks of the night. Like 7 different flashbacks to show the perspective of the 7 boys. It would’ve been thrilling to watch.

I knew from the beginning Ah Yat would die. He had all the characteristics in the making of someone who has to die in the end. Number 1, he’s in the triad. He’s never gonna make it out alive. Even if you quit and go into hiding, they will find you. You could never really “retire” from that life. Number 2, he’s that obligatory best friend of the lead that is fearlessly loyal. And number 3, he got his girlfriend preggo. In TVB world that means you’re public enemy number 1 and must die. I just didn’t calculate he would die from stopping Ah Yat from stabbing someone else. What good would that do? He still has to go to jail for stabbing you to death. Stabbing him or stabbing you it’s still murder. And if you think he’ll have “less regret” cause you’re the one that dies, is just wrong thinking. If anything it makes him even more regretful. He killed his best friend. You can’t even say “it’s cause of Ah Yats death he turned himself in” cause he didn’t. He got surrounded by cops and then got locked up. The end. He couldn’t spin his story. He had to tell the truth. So he didn’t “redeem” himself. They should’ve showed Ah Yat helping Sam get away and then succumb to his injuries. Let Sam go into hiding and have him think it through before coming out and surrendering instead. That would’ve been more impactful and redeeming.

I wonder if TVB ever decided to go down an alternative dark route. And when I say that, I mean Sam murders his girlfriend and her Dad because they now know the secret. His 3 friends arrive to see what he has done. What happens? The 4 of them buries the bodies, to defend his friend. That would’ve been full circle. First time, they did it cause they thought it happened. This time, they do it even after knowing what really happened. A testament of friendship and what they are willing to do for each other. But yeah. That ending would’ve been super controversial and might give some viewers nightmare. It would definitely be too dark but would’ve been such a compelling ending.

It actually ends with Sam going to jail for manslaughter, illegal disposal of body and forgery of documents. Even though he should be in jail for at least 40+ years he gets out after 25 years. Which is honestly realistic cause barely any criminals serve the full years they are given. When he gets out we learned his ex girlfriend resigned from her work and her father died. His friend Ah Fu was working at his Sushi restaurant but has retired and gotten married. Daan Taat passed away a year later after he went to jail. After Chiu Sui served his time in jail he moved to Thailand where he settled down and had a family. It ends with a wholesome alternate ending of what would’ve happened if back then they had called the cops instead. And in it they stayed friends all these years while also being alive and well instead of being overwhelmed with guilt. I love the statement Sam said which was “admitting to your mistakes lasts only a second, but having a guilty conscience lasts a lifetime”.

The 7 boys were so innocent. It was supposed to be a fun night out until Song Si came out of nowhere and started belittling them. Which lead to a fight and them splitting up in the woods. Seeing his dead body caused them to be so confused of what to do. Instead of figuring out what happened they just buried him. And the weight of the guilt followed them to the point they stopped being friends all these years. All this happened cause they didn’t want one of their friends to go to jail for murder. When the truth is none of them murdered Song Si. So it ended up with them being a victim too. In a way I’m glad TVB went down the route of a happy non-twisted ending instead. The 7 of them made a mistake back then and cause of that they suffered. At least the 3 still alive was able to serve their time and come back out to start over.

It’s not a drama filled with plot twists or backstabbing. But a human drama and the mistakes, the guilt, and the punishment that carries on you. The beginning was great, the ending episodes fell flat but it was still a great watch. And so far, this is the only good TVB drama this year. I wish this drama got more recognition it deserves.

[maddie-grove]

Bi-Monthly Reading Round-Up (July/August)

PLAYLIST

"Breakaway” by Kelly Clarkson (The Wonder)

“The Lusty Month of May” from Camelot (Between a Highlander and a Hard Place)

“Blood on My Name” by The Brothers Bright (Vampires in the Lemon Grove)

“Too Good at Goodbyes” by Sam Smith (A Prince on Paper)

“All I See Is You” by Dusty Springfield (The End of Everything)

“Your Song” by Elton John (Patience and Sarah)

“Reach Out and Touch (Somebody’s Hand)” by Diana Ross (Touchy Subjects)

“When You’re Young and in Love” by the Marvelettes (Simon vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda)

“No Sleep Tonight” by the Faders (Can’t Escape Love)

“Take Me in Your Arms (Rock Me a Little While)” by Kim Weston (Bury Me Deep)

“Cold Bread” by Johnny Flynn (Fludd)

“Thunder Road” by Bruce Springsteen (The Rest of the Story)

“How Can I Meet Her?” by the Everly Brothers (Someone to Honor)

“A Matter of Trust” by Billy Joel (The Scandalous Secret of Abigail MacGregor)

BEST OF THE BI-MONTH

The Wonder by Emma Donoghue (2016): Lib Wright, an English nurse who worked with Florence Nightingale in the Crimean War, is hired to observe Anna O’Donnell, an eleven-year-old Irish girl who claims to have not eaten for four months. Initially exasperated at the everyone’s credulity, Lib gradually realizes that there’s a lot more going on with Anna, her family, and her village than she thought...and that the girl may be in serious danger if she doesn’t intervene. Despite my love of Donoghue’s work, I put off reading this one for a while because the subject looked so grim. Although Donoghue does deal with difficult material, the growing relationship between prickly Lib and bright-but-haunted Anna makes the novel transcendent.

WORST OF THE BI-MONTH

Between a Highlander and Hard Place by Mary Wine (2018): After her highborn suitor shows his true colors, Athena Trappes sets fire to his house in self-defense and flees to Scotland. There she attracts the attention of Symon, Laird Grant, a melancholy widower. This Elizabethan romance has its moments, notably a lovely meet-cute at a May Day celebration, but it’s mostly dull with some irritating tropes.

REST OF THE BI-MONTH

Vampires in the Lemon Grove by Karen Russell (2013): In this collection, Russell tells the stories of various oddities, including women who turn into silkworms, presidents who are reincarnated as horses, and, yes, vampires in the lemon grove. The collection is remarkably consistent, and Russell shows enormous range in it. My favorites are the utterly chilling prairie horror of “Proving Up,” the hilariously absurd “The Barn at the End of the Term,” and the heartbreaking “The Graveless Doll of Eric Mutis.”

A Prince on Paper by Alyssa Cole (2019): Nya Jerami has existed under a cloud of suspicion and gossip since her abusive father, an adviser to the king of Thesolo, was sent to prison for poisoning his political rivals. Eager to start her life properly but unsure how, Nya finds unexpected help from Johan van Braustein, the seemingly devil-may-care stepson of the king of a European micronation. This is my favorite contemporary romance I’ve ever read, with two dynamic, endearing protagonists and a strong sense of setting. Cole expertly blends realistic modern-day concerns with frothy wish fulfillment (plus a dash of fairy-tale Gothic).

The End of Everything by Megan Abbott (2011): When her best friend Evie disappears, thirteen-year-old Lizzie only has scanty clues regarding where or why. As she becomes more and more consumed with finding the answer, she discovers dark secrets underlying her seemingly placid 1980′s suburb. Of all the Abbott novels I’ve read, this is the simplest and perhaps the most disturbing. I didn’t love it, but it’s very effective.

Patience and Sarah by Isabel Miller (1969): In 1810′s Connecticut, educated “spinster” Patience White finds herself intrigued by sweet, rough-hewn Sarah Dowling. Although their families contrive to keep them apart, they eventually make it to New York and start a farm together. Of the five f/f romance novels I’ve read, this is my very favorite. Miller captures the feel of early American literature very well, and the romance has a nice balance of tension and sweetness.

Touchy Subjects by Emma Donoghue (2006): This collection of short stories is, naturally enough, organized around “touchy subjects” like babies, domesticity, strangers, desire, and death. There are some jewels in this collection: the sad/funny “WritOr” (about a struggling author who takes on a resident-writer position at a rural college), the bittersweet “The Welcome” (about a naive young lesbian with a crush on a reserved trans woman), and the strangely uplifting “Enchantment” (about a rivalry between Cajun fishermen). There’s a lot of chaff to separate from the wheat, though; many of the stories are very slight.

Simon vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda by Becky Albertalli (2015): Simon Spier, an upper-middle-class teen in suburban Atlanta, isn’t 100% sure why he hasn’t come out as gay to his liberal family or friends, but for now he prefers to keep his sexuality (and a flirtatious email correspondence with an anonymous boy called Blue) under wraps. When a classmate finds out the truth and blackmails Simon into setting him up with his friend Abby, that task becomes a lot more complicated. Despite the rather disturbing premise, this is a super-cute YA novel that I would have loved when I was a YA. (At twenty-eight, I still liked it a lot; it’s just got a sense of immediacy that was a little lost on me thanks to my relatively advanced age, but would’ve been very appealing to me at sixteen.) 

Can’t Escape Love by Alyssa Cole (2019): Regina Hobbs, highly successful proprietor of a website about nerdy stuff, has it all together, except she’s suffering from a wicked case of insomnia. She’s convinced that only the voice of Gustave Nguyen, a puzzle designer she got to know after tuning into his livestream, can get her to sleep, so she contacts him to see if she can have a recording of his voice. Even though they both think it’s kind of weird, her request gets them talking...and MORE. This is a short but absolutely delightful novella about two neat people hooking up. The stakes are low, but the tensions stemming from Regina’s family keeps things interesting.

Bury Me Deep by Megan Abbott (2009): In the depths of the Great Depression, Marion Seeley finds herself alone in Phoenix while her morphine-addict husband chases redemption in Mexico. Working an administrative job at a local hospital, she falls in with party-girl nurse Louise, her TB-afflicted girlfriend Ginny, and (much to her sorrow) corrupt, handsome Joe Lanigan. Abbott’s historical crime novel takes a little while to heat up, but once it does it’s a very satisfying thriller. However, I was never convinced of Joe’s attractiveness even at a surface level, which was kind of an impediment to enjoying the story because Marion sure is.

Fludd by Hilary Mantel (1989): A mysterious stranger comes to a deeply Catholic, determinedly miserable English village in the 1950′s, claiming to be the new curate. While there, he greatly affects the lives of an alcoholic priest, his prim housekeeper, an unhappy young nun, and a pompous bishop. This is a highly peculiar, often enjoyable fable, although it drags quite a bit in the third quarter.

The Rest of the Story by Sarah Dessen (2019): Emma, an anxious seventeen-year-old who lost her mom to addiction five years ago, ends up spending part of the summer with her seldom-seen maternal relatives, who own a downscale motel in a lake town. While there, she learns about her mother’s secret history, observes the tensions between her family’s working-class community and the upscale resort people across the lake, has a low-key romance with a childhood friend, and practices her driving. This novel isn’t among Sarah Dessen’s best--the ending is a little rushed, and the romance feels perfunctory--but the setting is cool and Emma is an interesting protagonist.

Someone to Honor by Mary Balogh (2019): Years after her dad’s bigamy was revealed, resulting in her de-legitimization, reserved Abigail Westcott shows no interest in trying to re-enter society, instead opting to hang out with her convalescing Napoleonic War veteran brother. Unfortunately, his surly friend, Lieutenant Gilbert Bennington, is also intent on keeping her brother company to avoid his own problems, and he and Abigail don’t exactly get along. They come to understand each other, though, and decide to take a chance on marriage when Gilbert finds himself in trouble. I found this Regency romance to be solid but overly somber (not an infrequent issue with Balogh). I never got a great sense of who Abigail was and, while I sympathized with Gil, I also found him very irritating at times.

The Scandalous Secret of Abigail MacGregor by Paula Quinn (2015): In the late 1700′s, Queen Anne summons Davina MacGregor, secret eldest daughter of James II (and, were she not Catholic, rightful ruler of Great Britain), to court. Because Davina is sickly, her daughter Abigail, who has ambitions of being clan chieftain, goes to court in her place. She’s accompanied by Captain General Daniel Marlow, a Jacobite-hating English soldier and close friend of Anne’s. He’s got some trust issues and a stalker. This romance had a lot of potential, but too much of it is spent on the road and not enough on juicy court drama. The straight-version-of-Rachel-Weisz’s-character-in-The-Favorite villain was also, unfortunately, usurped by her much more boring lover.

[probssomethingorother]

🎄TLOU Holiday Fic 🎄

This little one shot was written for @mattsbooknook/@microsoft-matt as a secret santa gift 😊 It's not my usual darkish stuff, more fluff leaning, but should be a fun little read nonetheless. Happy Holidays Everyone!

Just like the ones I used to know

Ellie & Joel --- post-episode 8 Silver Lake hurt/comfort + Secret Christmas Surprise and the joy of giving

“I’ve never done that,” she admitted, voice soft. “Done what?” “Christmas.” Joel hummed in acknowledgement, not exactly sure what to say. It wasn’t much of a surprise - an orphan not having the chance to celebrate Christmas was a top holiday trope. Add in a fungal apocalypse and a fascist government, and it was really borderline remarkable that Ellie knew what Christmas was at all. ----- After Silver Lake, Ellie is not herself. Joel tries to change that by giving her something she's never had.

read on Ao3 with the link above or below the cut ⤵️

❤️ remember comment where you can! ❤️

They were on the road, again. Walking endlessly. Again. 

It had been a couple days since they left the neighborhood, moving further away from Silver Lake. It hadn’t been a hard decision to make - the threat of that group coming after them had practically pushed them out the door, the fear-induced eagerness of it all overriding their normal planning. 

Even with a map at their disposal, Joel hadn’t scoured over it for the most expeditious route or marked any waypoints for rest. When he glanced at it once while Ellie was sleeping, it just made him feel sick - all he could seem to focus on was the browning dot of blood over Silver Lake.There was still so much distance to cover where so much more could go wrong, and the small mark was a sharp and unpleasant testament to that truth - mocking him. 

So the plan was simple, borderline naive: head west. Walk west. Put miles in between them and that horrid place. Quickly. 

Unsurprisingly, trekking through fluffy white powder to somewhere else was an absolutely miserable endeavor. It was so fucking cold, and the snow was never ending, still softly fluttering down after two days of dumping heavily from a dreary grey sky. They both still were reeling from their injuries and exhaustion was dragging them down, pace almost pathetically slow. They had camped in a cave the night before which hadn’t been great by any stretch; it had left Joel desperate to find them some actual shelter for the night. 

"Just a little further, kiddo," Joel called out, his voice cutting through the muffled silence of the snowfall. Ellie trailed behind him several feet, boots sinking so far deep that the snow was kissing her shins. 

They were following what he believed was a small road, hopefully a driveway of sorts. The path was a long narrow stretch flanked by a thick line of trees. They marched straight down the center of it, despite that being where the snow was deepest. 

It hadn’t made sense to Ellie, but she was going along with it begrudgingly. 

“Shouldn’t we be off to the side?”

“Nah..need to move quick, and we don’t wanna fight with those pines and the wells.”

“Wells?”

“Holes. Deep. Hidden near the trunks. Die fall’n into one of those like that. ” 

When his remark was met with silence, Joel glanced over his shoulder and then paused, waiting for her to catch up before continuing onward. The crunch of their boots resumed being the only sound between them for several more minutes until  finally, Ellie broke it. 

“What do you think they are-” Her words faltered as she stumbled, and Joel instinctively reached out to steady her, arm at her back “- doing in Jackson right now?” she finished, winning the brief battle with the snow.

“I don’t know…” he mused, voice thoughtful. “Uh, reckon’ it's close to Christmas now….folks’re probably preparing for that.”

Joel glanced down at her, anticipating another question, but only catching a small nod. The silence returned, lingering between them for an awkward moment. 

“I’ve never done that,” she admitted, voice soft. 

“Done what?”

“Christmas.”

Joel hummed in acknowledgement, not exactly sure what to say. It wasn’t much of a surprise - an orphan not having the chance to celebrate Christmas was a top holiday trope in so many movies: like “Annie” - Sarah had that one on repeat one year, even tried out for the 4th grade musical.

Add in a fungal apocalypse and a fascist government, and it was really borderline remarkable that Ellie knew what Christmas was at all. 

He hadn’t really celebrated it in decades himself. If anything, there had been a couple years when a gift was thrown his way, but he wouldn’t reciprocate. He never got festive - no lights, no tree, no fun joyful celebration.  That had all seemed to die with Sarah and the end of the world. Which was fitting - it had been her favorite holiday.

“You’ve done Christmas?” Ellie asked, her head angling up toward Joel.

“Yeah, many times.”

“You like it?”

“Yeah, not much not to like.” 

“You did it with Sarah?” 

Her name sliced through the cold air despite Ellie’s soft tone. Joe’ls heart hitched. He wanted to be more open about her - had been at a trickle since their ride to the university - but still, bringing her up was like pulling teeth, a painful, reluctant process. 

He could recount to Ellie every Christmas morning since Sarah’s first as a little infant - barely six months old. He could tell her about how when she was born he told everyone that it was the best “Christmas in July” ever - Ellie wouldn’t understand that. He could share how their first Christmas alone - when Amanda left just two weeks before, Sarah a tiny two - was somehow one of the best, calm and quiet. He could share Sarah’s last, when he went to three different “Justice”s to hunt down a purple holographic top in her size. Or, he could even share that he had already bought two Christmas gifts she would never receive during the Labor Day Sales - an mp3 player and new cleats. 

He really could tell her a lot. But before Joel could pick, they rounded a bend, and a cabin came into view, red-tinged wood certainly weather beaten, but looking structurally sturdy. It stood about twenty yards away, at the end of their snowy road.

Question quickly forgotten, a smile bloomed at the corners of his mouth, relief washing over him. 

“See. Told’ya,” he said, jutting his head toward the structure, a hint of triumph in his voice. “A drive to a house.”  

He gently squeezed Ellie's shoulder as he quickened his steps, boots hastily piercing through undisturbed snow.  “Come on now.” 

******|*|****** 

The cabin was small and comfortable - a kitchenette, a living room, a bath, and a bedroom - none too worse for wear. They had set up like usual when staying in places like these: dining chair propped under the door, couch pushed in close to the fire, a recliner or some other lounger huddled next to it, but facing the exit  - Joel always said he would sleep better up at an angle, didn’t mind taking a chair over a lumpy couch. 

And to be fair, the couch in this place was lumpy: old and decrepit, and a weird shade of purple that Joel wasn’t entirely unconvinced wasn’t caused by mold. Yet, Ellie had beelined for it almost immediately after coming through the doorway, dropping her pack and flopping down onto it belly-first with a sigh of relief. 

“Hey,” he lightly scolded, shaking his head at her carelessness. They hadn’t cleared the house at all, and she was already making herself comfortable. With a sigh of his own, Joel dropped his pack, raised the rifle, and quickly peaked through the rooms - all clear. 

When he returned to the living area, Ellie was still belly down, head turned to left, eyes distantly staring at the dingy hearth of the fireplace, right arm folded with her hand tucked under her chin, the other lazily hanging loose off the couch, fingertips skimming the crusty rug.  She used to have so much energy when they came across spots like this. It was like crack for her curiosity and she would bumble around searching the new place, despite Joel’s usual reluctance for her to do so. 

Now, that spark was gone - snuffed out days ago. 

He never thought he would miss her incessant questions or annoying jokes, but in moments like this, where there was such a stark difference between then and now - Joel’s heart craved it deeply. 

Wiping a troubled hand at the scuff off on his chin, Joel turned away and began getting the other things in place, letting her sit for a few minutes. When he was finished he came back to the couch and gave her boot a tap, wiggling her foot.

“Up,” he told her simply. Ellie reluctantly complied. 

With a grumbling exhale, she peeled herself off the couch, walked to the other side, and helped Joel push it close to the fireplace. The moment it was situated properly, Ellie was slumping back onto it, curling into the worn out fabric, body turned inward toward its back, head digging into her hard backpack like it was a plush pillow. She dragged her arm over her eyes, blocking out the last of the day’s light that was poking through moth-worn curtains. 

“You wanna eat?” Joel asked, although he already knew the answer. 

“Uh-uh.” 

“Goin’ to go to bed hungry then?” He pushed, hoping she would reconsider. She needed the calories to heal, but her appetite had been almost non-existent in the last week. He had seen bodies hanging - knew what that meant - but hadn’t found a way to ask Ellie if that was why she was food-averse as of late. 

“Not hungry,” she muttered while pushing herself deeper into the couch, trying to get comfortable. 

Joel nodded, disappointed, but not surprised. His eyes lingered on her for a long moment, before finally, he unzipped his jacket, shrugged it off, crossed over to the couch, and gently placed it over her as a blanket. 

“Okay, get some sleep kiddo,” he told her softly, hand coming to the top of her head for a moment, before he turned away.

This had been her thing now - sleeping. She would sleep away the day if Joel let her.  The first few days he had thought it was just all the injuries - body worn down, completely exhausted. Now, despite her bruises starting to fade, her ribs healing, concussion waning, she still was putting herself to bed the moment the opportunity arose - sleep somehow more enticing than staying present with him. 

And it usually wasn’t even good sleep. She would toss and turn and mumble, even yell. The first time it had happened, Joel had been asleep and when her shrieks pierced through the haze of his dreams and his body went rigid before bursting into action. He  thought that those yells might live in his head forever - strangled cries of his name, begging for help. 

Tonight was one of the more vocal nights, although she wasn’t straight up yelling yet; just lots of mumbles and whimpers, twisting on the small space of the couch cushion, eyes rapidly moving beneath her lids. 

He was used to it by now, but it still kept him up - too anxious to fall asleep knowing she could explode into a fit of screams at any moment. He watched her from the corner, slumped in an old wooden chair at a matching desk. He had plopped it himself there several minutes ago to rummage through it, but had somehow got caught just staring at her - one arm propped up on the desktop with his head leaning into it, other arm hanging loosely hanging by his side, pointer finger picking anxiously at his thumb’s cuticle. His whole body dipped down, legs spread out comfortably, despite being entirely uncomfortable. 

Physically, his body was relaxed. Mentally, he was one edge; had been since the moment he got Ellie back - or really, since he got someone else back. 

Joel still had little idea what actually went down in that place. He had a few guesses, but Ellie wasn’t forthcoming with any of it. It bothered him deeply. The possibilities of kept him up with her screams.

With a minute shake of his head, he peeled his gaze away and returned his attention to the tiny desk. Joel's fingers drifted through the almost barren drawers, reaching down and back to check every inch. Snaking his arm toward the back of the thin center drawer, his fingers brushed against something caught in the corner; and with a tug, he pulled the warped and bent paper free. 

He turned it over in his hands and was met with a faded but cheerful illustration of a snow-covered house, lights twinkling warmly in its windows. Gently, he opened it, revealing a family photo inside - a smiling couple with their young daughter, all bundled in winter clothes. 

"Wishing you the happiest and most Merry of Christmases. Love, Beth, John, and Sarah."

A heavy sigh escaped him as Joel traced the edges of the card with his thumb. For a long moment, he couldn’t tear his eyes away, stuck on the image of the little girl - not looking all that different from his own little Sarah. She was clutching a half-eaten candy cane in her hand, the rest of which was splattered across her cheeks and mouth, sticky redness staining a bright smile. She was laughing - very clearly - giddy on a sugar high Joel presumed. 

Sarah used to get that way too - was almost feral for mint chocolates and candy canes, and she would beg constantly for “one more” cup of hot chocolate, even if it caused a tummy ache. Being a single dad during the holidays was never easy, but seeing Sarah’s smile on Christmas morning when she ran down stairs and found a magically full stocking of candy and presents under the tree was always worth all the extra shifts and the penny pinching. Being able to spark that innocent sort of joy was something he missed about being a dad. 

His now watery eyes shifted back to Ellie, her small form still curled deeply into the couch, light of the fire dancing shadows across her face. 

“I’ve never done that….Christmas.” 

******|*|****** 

In truth, Joel had no idea what day it was. It could be too early, or too late - heck it could be February -  but for Ellie, tomorrow morning, when she woke, it was going to be Christmas. 

The idea was there, the planning was not. Execution - also a challenge. 

It wasn’t like he had much to work worth or space to do it. The cabin was tiny and the smallest of sounds echoed off the walls, and gathering supplies and crafting things was not a necessarily silent task. Ellie was sleeping a foot away from the fireplace where he would need to hang some stockings and she was also really only a few feet from the appropriate place to put a tree in a room like this. 

But Joel was determined, and by an honest to god Christmas miracle, he got it done without waking Ellie.

The first light of dawn was just beginning to illuminate the small cabin when he completed the last finishing touches.  

He glanced over at the small scrawny pine sapling he propped in the corner, the measly thing half resting against the wall unable to stand upright on its own. It was maybe three feet tall, limbs and trunk thin. It’s short stature had made it easy to pluck from the ground, but it was clearly a Charlie Brown Christmas Tree if Joel had ever seen one. Its tiny branches were weighed down by an eclectic mix of old fishing lures - found in a tackle box under the kitchen sink, of all places. It had no lights or garland, but Joel doubted it would have been able to support any had he had somehow got those too. It was nothing to write home about, but for some reason he couldn’t help but smile when he looked at it in full. 

His spare set of socks hung above the fireplace mantle by two rusty old nails that he meticulously wedged through the fabric and into the old softened wood. He had been worried they wouldn’t hold, but they really didn’t have much weight to them at all. His was empty, and Ellie’s only had some pencil and pens he sourced from the desk alongside a small can of tropical fruit mix he found in the back of the kitchen closet.  

When she had been eating, Ellie was always over the moon to find a fruit can. She would slurp out the last drop of sweet juice, not wanting to leave any behind. They found three cans of peaches once, and much to Joel’s chagrin, she ate them in one go. Joel knew the crazy amount of sugar caused her a stomach ache afterwards, but Ellie kept refuting, said she was “finally just full for once.” 

He was now working on the last bit - another find from the kitchen, wedged in the back of a drawer with an oven mitt: a box of chocolate pudding mix. Joel knew it wasn’t the same as hot chocolate, but the find was almost eerily too good to be true. 

He sat on the edge of the recliner, bent over as he tried to keep the clanking to a minimum while he stirred a little bit of the powder into a cup of hot water - just a dash to give a little bit of flavor, but not enough for the water to go thick. 

Head down, focusing on the swirl of the liquid, he didn’t notice Ellie’s eyes slowly start to break open. 

“What the fuck is that?"  Her voice was imbued with sleep and confusion, and of course a bit snark like usual. 

Joel’ head immediately raised at the sound of her voice, and he paused his stirring, eyes flicking to her and then where she was looking and then back. 

“That? It’s a tree.”

“A tree?” Ellie repeated softly, starting to adjust her position to sit up, the remnants of sleep still clinging to her eyes, blinking slow, trying to focus.

Joel smiled, “Merry Christmas, kiddo.”

Ellie's confusion was clear as she sat up, her gaze shifting between the makeshift Christmas tree, the socks over the fireplace, and the cup in Joel's hand. 

“Joel, what the actual fuck?”

"Merry Christmas," he repeated, his voice steady but soft. He extended the cup towards her, a small smile tugging at the corners of his mouth.

“Are you serious?”

He curtly nodded, and gently wiggled the mug in his hand, urging her to take it. He smiled again, voice a little hesitant as he added, “Thought you could use a little cheer." 

Ellie leaned over and took the mug, grasping the warm ceramic in her hands. She stared down at it, and when she saw the brown murky water with floating white specks, her brows knit together, a bit apprehensive. She looked up at Joel - question clear on her face. 

“Hot chocolate,” he told her, bringing his own mug to his lips and taking a small sip. His nose scrunched up and his head tilted to the side while he digested the taste. The resemblance was there, but faint. “Sort of,” He admitted. 

Hesitantly, Ellie raised the mug to her mouth and took a cautious sip of her own. It was sweet, not really chocolatey, but still good nonetheless.  She hummed in enjoyment, swallowing, and then taking another sip.“Hot Chocolate?” she confirmed, raising her head to look up at him, eyes reflecting the flickering light from the fireplace - and maybe, just maybe, starting to glow with something more. 

“Yeah, or an end of the world version at least.” 

“No, this fucks.” 

Joel watched as a smile tugged at the corner of her mouth; she threw back another sip, her eyes wandering from him to the tiny tree in the corner.

"And that," she gestured with the mug, "is our Christmas tree?" 

Joel nodded, turning to look at the tree. “I know it ain’t much - not like the big one Jackson had up, but can’t do Christmas without a tree can ya?” 

Ellie sat the cup down on the floor in front of the couch and stood up, Joel’s coat dropping to the floor in a heap next to it. She brushed past him, shoulders grazing, and walked over to the precariously perched sapling. For a moment she just stood in front of it, unmoving, until finally, she reached out. Her fingers gently touched one of the fishing lures hanging from a branch, making it swing back and forth. There was a soft jingle as it moved that carried through the otherwise silent air. 

Joel watched her, a sense of pride and a twinge of sadness mingling in his chest when his eyes moved from her to the empty base of the tree. He wished it could have added a few presents - done this fully right by her - but there was only so much he could pull off.  Still, the guilt made a lump grow in his throat. In a different life, he would have sold all his stuff before letting his kid go without a present under the tree on Christmas morning. 

Raking in a breath and clearing his throat, he tried to move things along - perhaps for his sake more than Ellie’s. 

“Not sure what you know about Christmas, but I made you a stocking too.” Using his mug to point at his socks,  he took a long step closer to them. 

Ellie’s head turned toward the fireplace, body still facing the tree. Her eyes followed his gesture, landing on the two socks hanging over the fireplace. A full genuine smile, the first in what felt like ages, began to form on her face. "You made me a stocking?"

“Well normally that’s Santa’s job, but couldn’t make it this year.” The words spilled out of him, a long hidden jovialness coming to the forefront. He was pretty sure he had told Sarah the same sort of thing when she started to get to that age, teasing her about the presents and stockings. 

“Santa, huh?" Ellie's tone was playful, but her gaze was contemplative, almost wistful as she crossed over to the fireplace. 

"Yeah, Santa. One of his reindeer got sick or somethin’ couldn’t stop - had to get back." Joel added, feeling a bit awkward but determined to see the bit he had started through. 

Cautiously, Ellie reached her hand out to one of Joel’s socks and gave it a squeeze. Her head whipped around to meet him, shocked when she felt something inside, despite the visuals clearly indicating such from the get go. 

“No way,” she beamed at him, a smile growing, cheeks even beginning to flush a light rosy shade. He had wanted nothing more for her to smile, but the happy expression now adorning her face seemed so out of place against the bruises still staining her complexion-  purple marks stamped under eyes, a large green blotch on her forehead, and a ugly maroon patch on jaw. 

Joel closed the distance between them and helped her pry the nail out of the wood when she began to struggle. It sprung free and the stocking dropped into her hands. Quickly, she went over to the couch with it and Joel followed, taking a seat in the adjacent recliner to watch. 

For a moment, she hesitated, just staring at her lap.

“Well go on,” Joel urged gently.  

Ellie pressed her teeth into her bottom lip as she snaked her hand inside and pulled out the things closer to the top - the pencils and pens. She took stock of each one before placing them gently on the couch cushion next to her, all rolling down toward the dip of the cushion at her leg. 

She continued on, feeling the can, but not being able to get it out as readily. She threw a quick glance at Joel as she struggled with it, and he raised his eyebrows at her, anticipation growing thick.

She turned the sock upside and shook it a few times, using gravity to slide the can free. It plopped into her lap and she picked it up quickly, reading the label. 

“Tropical?”

“Don’t think you’ve had that one before.”

She shook her head vigorously, ponytail swishing back and forth, as she brought the can up to read the label more. Her eyes widened.  “Dude,” she said firmly, yet clearly happy, “In light syrup and passion fruit juice?” She exclaimed, holding up the can pf fruit to show him as if he hadn’t seen it already. 

“I know. Should be good.” 

“We can have some now, right?” Ellie asked eagerly. 

Joel chuckled softly, amused at her sudden energy. He was thankful for it too - relieved the girl he knew was still in there under all the trauma. 

“It’s all yours - you can eat it whenever you like.” 

“You don’t want any?” 

“No no-” he began to say, leaning forward in the chair. Ellie quickly interjected:

 “We can share, I don’t mind.” 

Joel was lying before he even realized what he was doing, words coming out of his mouth smooth and steady. “It’s your gift, and I’m - well I’m allergic to it anyhow - passion fruit, can’t have it.” 

This was the first time in days she was legitimately interested in food - he wanted her to capitalize on it, savor it, gulp down every last bite. The thought of taking any of it for himself was simply not an option. It was all hers. 

Ellie’s body sagged, disappointed he wouldn’t also get to taste. “Oh…okay.” 

An awkward silence fell between them then, only broken by the crackle of the fire. Ellie’s eyes lazily roamed around the living room as twisted the can in her hands,  looking at all Joel had done for her. She chewed at the corner of her lip as she took it all in.

Her gaze eventually drifted to Joel's stocking, hanging limply over the fireplace, noticeably empty.

“What about your stocking?” she asked, “It’s empty.”

Joel glanced at it and shrugged, taking another sip of his hot chocolate and then bringing it down to rest in the space between his legs. Both his hands clutched the mug firmly, knuckles threatening to go white. 

He sucked in a breath and lowered his head, contemplatively staring into the brown liquid for several seconds. A soft memory of Sarah drifted through to him, pointing out the same discrepancy. It had been a hard year, and he didn't buy or wrap one or two things for himself like usual, didn't fill his stocking either - but of course that was more than okay by him- still was okay by him. 

With a tender smile playing on his lips, he shook his head at her and said softly, “Nah, just already opened it.” 

Ellie cocked her head to the side, obviously not believing him. “Really?” she asked, brow arched in playful skepticism. “What was it then?”   Joel lifted his head slowly, meeting Ellie’s eyes and staring at her hard for a moment. 

“It was this….” His voice was uncharacteristically rocky, and almost at a whisper as his eyes briefly scanned the room, before settling back on her small form and jutting his chin in her direction. 

Her arched eyebrows scrunched together. “The cabin?”

Joel released a soft, amused snort, his eyes rolling with a light-hearted exuberance. A half-smile, tinged with fondness, curled up one side of his mouth. He nodded, humor twinkling in his eyes as he played along, "Yeah, sure, the cabin." 

The Cabin. And her.  More importantly, her. 

He relaxed into the his chair, leaning back as a warmth ran through his body - and not from the fire. His gaze lingered on Ellie as she inspected her gifts again, turning back to the pencils and bringing each one up to eye level to read the color name. 

“You know… it’s good thing you just made the nice list… otherwise would've had to put coal instead of those.”

Ellie shot him a good-humored glare, her eyes rolling with mock indignation.  “You dick, I’m always nice,” she chided. “Oh, really now?” “Absolutely,” Ellie affirmed, leaning back into the couch, her arms confidently folded across her chest. “Ellie Williams- fucking nice list material only.”

At her words, Joel's laughter bubbled up, and Ellie followed suit, her own laughter soft yet rich. It was a sound he had worried he would never hear again from her. Closing his eyes and tilting his head back, he allowed himself to relish in it, brief but infinitely sweet.

“Joel?” Ellie's voice, gentler now, pulled him back. He cracked open his eyes, meeting her gaze with raised brows and a questioning hum.

He watched her inhale a long breath and release, chest noticeably rising and falling, before curtly nodding her head and throwing him a tight-lipped sincere smile.

“Merry Christmas to you too.” 

[dressedupkiss]

37 days

Until spring month!

January almost over, just got feb the shortest month to get thru and then it’s almost spring and then it’s warm!!!!!

And I will get my hair cut in March! For spring and new growth and warmth and sexiness and hotness and fun.

I’m gonna get my hair cut super cool and I can’t wait. It’s gonna look like this:

And I think it’s really gonna suit me.

Having bangs again, especially thick full ones like this will be very fun and sexy.

My hair will get very wavy and I’m gonna mess it up so much and it’s gonna look like a cool mullet kinda.

I can’t wait. I’ll wear cool t shirts and lose some weight from walking around when it’s warmer out. I’m excited to meet new people.

Everyone I’ve interacted with in the past ten years has been less than fun. Everyone is either neglectful or just plain rude. I haven’t had a real friend in ever it seems. I don’t have any good friends. I have a crappy mean friend.

I’m very alone but I’m with the universe and spirits who love me. I finally found that pic of a haircut that suits me a lot and I know I was waiting to find it. The spirits guided me to it.

Because my hair has been cut so awfully in the past but that was cuz I didn’t know what I wanted . Having this pic is so helpful and I can’t wait to have messy sexy hair again.

My hair now is so long and my bangs are grown out so far it just isn’t what I want. It doesn’t sit right. Too flat. Hopefully all the layers will fluffen up my hair and I will look super cute. I’m excited

Loving myself is a good hobby to have. I love myself a lot. I don’t like being used for my materials.

I will focus on dressing nice and in a month and a bit I will have money to pay for a haircut and in just a week and a bit I’ll be paying off my MasterCard completely!!!! I’m so excited!!!

I need Joel to pay me $150 for their stay here and then I will have enough to pay it all off at once. It’s at $736 and I have $500 saved up. Then when I get paid at the end of this month I’ll have enough to pay the remainder.

I’m so pumped to be debt free. It will be so nice to have nearly $500 to myself each month from March onwards and in April I’ll have gst an extra $160!! That’s $644 all to myself plus I’ll get bday money too like at least $100! So that makes $744! All to myself!!! In one month!!! Wow!

It will be so worth it to pay off my MasterCard! I can’t believe I’ll have all that extra money!

February will be short and I won’t have a lot but I’ll have sarcan to take in for around $40 and I’ll have over $300 for food and my dad will get me groceries too so it should be okay. I have a lot of meat and blanched garden veggies in the freezer too so I gotta eat that.

T will be worth it to be shorter in feb cuz it’ll be the laSt month I’m short! March will be a full $484 and that will feel good. Then April will be a mega blast. I’ll be able to go shopping so much. I’ll save so much. I should start saving for a car. Or something. I’ve never wanted to buy something too expensive. I don’t have a lot of desires for possessions. I like cool clothes tho.

And I need new shoes. I have some really nice leather converse shoes but I need some quicker to put on shoes with good arch support. I have some old red vans with good insoles but they’re worn out and I just need new ones like them cuz they’re super quick to put on. I have a lot of shoes but only those two and a pair of plain black sneakers have arch support.

I’m excited to be alive in the new warmth of the new year. I will meet so many cats and dogs and people and spend time with my friends and their dogs and have such a good time. I gotta try to eat healthy from now on and no more McDonald’s. I’m not gonna buy it. Last two times I ate fast food my friend bought it for me and I only ate one taco and one burger but I had someone else buy my mcondalds recently too and I had a burger and fries. Gotta stop. It’s not good for my tummy.

I made fried hamburger and rice and bell pepper, onion, celery with mushroom soup and spices mixed all together for dinner tonight and the next few days. It should last me 3 days at least. I haven’t been eating a ton recently. Just a healthy amount instead of overeating like I usually do. And I’m trying really hard to not eat past 8pm. Gotta have good dreams.

It’s Saturday night and on Monday I get my first injection of my new medication Abilify. I’ve been on 10mg pills the past over 2 weeks and my injection is 400mg. I read that is a very high dose and could be bad for me but I’ll just have to see how it responds to me.

I hope I don’t get super restless. I hope if it’s too much for me my doc will lessen the dose.

I wish I didn’t have to take meds forcibly. It feels very wrong and disrespectful.

I’ll have to fight the deathkills and live my life though. I’m not gonna work at all this year. Fuckajob.

I don’t like a lot of people. Sometimes I miss Laura a lot but I don’t like her either. She is rude and conceited and hurtful. She doesn’t care about my and tries to trigger my suicidal tendencies and doesn’t think about how i actually feel. She totally hurts me.

It sucks that I thought she was a blessing angel when she is a mean self absorbed douche. Oh wel there will be a true angel woman for me somewhere out there.

[fyrapartnersearch]

Seeking Literate Partners!

Disclaimer: Male authors, please stop contacting me. I've been burned too many times. If you persist, I'll ignore your message. Hello, you can call me Doe! I'm 25+ and a proud cat mom. I write multiple paragraphs/novella style (200-500+ words). I love to write detailed descriptions and delve into a character’s head/emotions as well as surroundings. I compare it to writing a novel together. I understand if the scene doesn’t have alot going on and therefore requires less like rapid fire. I adore having long, thoughtful replies where we truly immerse ourselves in the world. I'm hoping to find a partner whose as enthusiastic and passionate about the plot and writing as I am. When I get invested in a story, it’s 100% dedication. Getting a reply is the highlight of my day. I'm a big fan of romance and using face claims. I’m the type to make pinterest boards, spam you with gifs, headcanons, and send you songs that remind me of our characters and/or ship. I'll get excited if we come up with future plot ideas, or if our characters are being cute or angsty and I can yell about it in the chat. Last but not least I only do MxF (with myself in the female role) and don’t double, but I’m more than happy to write side characters of either gender to help move the story along. I'd highly prefer female authors writing male characters. Searching For - 21+ partners - For you to have an excellent grasp of grammar, punctuation, spelling, and capitalization. Both in character and out of character. (Literate to advanced writers only, please. I'm not looking for newbies or those who have English as their second/third language). - Plot before smut. While mature themes will be in my plots, and are even encouraged, there needs to be chemistry between our characters. I like to have a good mix of plot and tastefully written smut, along with doses of angst and fluff. - For you to write as an older man (40s+/50s+). I'm a sucker for the gruff and tough men with dark pasts who secretly have a soft heart. I also love those grumpy, hypermasculine men being intimidated by soft yet commanding women. The youngest I write is early 20s. - Please be enthusiastic and invested when it comes to plotting/worldbuilding. There’s nothing worse than receiving one sentence in reply to two paragraphs of ideas, or having a doormat partner who says “sure” to whatever I ask. Tossing ideas back and forth, watching them snowball into amazing plot threads brings me joy. - Joining me in the wonderful world of ship/character development is kind of a must. It’s one of the things that makes writing with a partner so much fun. I also like to make friends with my partners! - While I'd prefer real life face claims, I'd also be open to using realistic art if you're uncomfortable with real life. I draw the line at anime/cartoon art. Faces I'd love to write as: gal gadot, rooney mara, ruth negga, saoirse ronan, sophie turner, jessica chastain, jennifer morrison, mia wasikowska, natalia dyer, brit marling, deborah ann woll, mackenzie davis, emmy rossum, adria adjora, chyler leigh, hayley bennet, tashi rodriguez, lily james, cara delevingne, maya hawke, katheryn winnick, elizabeth olsen, abigal cowen, sophia lillis lauren cohan, zoey deutsch, paulina singer, crystal reed, hayley lu richardson, ask about others Faces I'd love to write against: jeffery dean morgan, hugh jackman, robert taylor, jr bourne, jon bernthal, jason issacs, anthony varrecchiah, brett tucker, david harbour, frank grillo, iain glen, josh duhamel, patrick petitjean, ethan hawke, christian bale, rory mccann, younger sam elliot, titus welliver, viggo mortensen, joel miller (illustrated face), ask about others If you've made it this far, thank you! You won't be disappointed in writing with me. I tend to be online daily and while I'd like it if you were too, I understand that real life things comes first. Let me know if you're going to be inactive/can’t continue. If you suddenly stop replying ic and ooc, I'll drop the story after 2 attempts of gauging continued interest spaced a week apart. Below are

genres and pairings I love. Feel free to combine as many as you'd like and I’m sure we can come up with something great! Current cravings are in bold. Two thing I don't do are slice of life and historical plots. Genres: - crimes in remote locations - spooky small towns - post apocalyptic/dystopia - supernatural/modern fantasy (A/B/O, werewolves, shapeshifters, alpha x rival pack alpha's child, werewolf x shifter, alpha x new werewolf, involuntary mate-bond, mating/claiming) - southern/mid western gothic - murder mystery (small town or big city) - modern/dark fairy tale retellings - sci-fi - cyberpunk/retro-futuristic - little coastal towns or little towns in the mountains - emotionally charged/dark and gritty - superpowers/gifted - unresolved sexual tension/slow burn - redemption - pacific northwest - suburban gothic - luring to the other side - reincarnation/multiple universes - western inspired + modern day (such as longmire) - christmas inspired - culture clash/two characters from different sides Pairings: - age gaps (older man x younger woman / 15 to 25+ year gap) - enemies to lovers/villain x heroine - cop x criminal - doctor x patient - friends turned lovers/pining - grumpy x sunshine - the broken man x the woman that becomes his light - fbi agents/cop partners - dark hearted man melting for the innocent woman - friend x best friend’s older sibling - boss x employee - neighbors - single father x friend - firefighter/cop x victim - mentor x mentee - hurt/comfort - height differences - pet names (sweetheart, baby girl, kid, kiddo) - lady and the tramp esque/class difference - creature x human/creature - ex-con x anyone - bodyguard x assignment - widow/er falling in love again - biker x civilian - rancher/mountain man x city girl - affair (with so's sibling, with so's friend, with neighbor) - hitman x target - serial killer x fbi agent - soul mates - experienced x inexperienced - local x vacationer - injured/scarred warrior washed out from their former glory x royal/heir-to-be (modern day / Sansa x Sandor inspired) - friend x best friend/boyfriend's father - daughter in law x father in law - park ranger x camper - bounty hunter x bounty - power imbalances Tropes/Themes: the papa wolf/hot dads, cultured badass, jerk with a heart of gold. ladykiller in love, mountain man, mysterious protector, southern gentleman, tall, dark, and handsome, knight in sour armor, red string of fate, villain takes an interest, porcelain to ivory to steel, when person a gets injured/kidnapped and person b goes absolutely feral to save them, cowboys tiny women and big men, the monster being treated gently for the first time in his life, two characters forced into positions where they have no choice but to reconcile their differences and grow together/trust each other, forbidden relationships, trying to escape childhood demons & reuniting in adulthood Fandoms: (I don't write canons or do canon x oc) Star Wars, X Files, Haven, Fringe, Stranger Things, Heroes, The Wolf Among Us, Mercy Thompson Series, True Blood, Marvel, The OA, Disney personified, His Dark Materials, Beastars, Horizon Zero Dawn, The Last of Us, Cyberpunk 2077 Plot Ideas: I have too many to list here but take a look at my google doc and let me know if anything catches your attention. It's a mix of fandom inspired and original plots: Plot Ideas Last but not least, I have a list of kinks if anyone's interested. I use email and discord to write. I'd also be open to joining a jcink site! Contact me at Doe#3347 on discord or by email: doeeyes73@gmail.com Please be detailed when you message me, let me know why you chose to contact me. Seeing only "hey do you wanna rp?" is a guaranteed way to turn me off. Look forward to hearing from you!

[probssomethingorother]

🚨NEW CHAPTER! 🚨

I have no justifications for letting this go un-updated for so long other than that writing is hard, I have a full time job, and sometimes I just want to socialize and then sleep. Which I know is not conducive to keeping up with anything I put out. Please Forgive Me :P

Back & Forth: a the last of us fic

post-episode 8 Silver Lake hurt/comfort

Ellie & Joel, both riding the struggle bus, canon compliant

Rating: Mature for dark themes, nothing more than the show

It was Joel who stumbled first. He had felt the strength seeping out of him with every step so viscerally it was like his body was a container with a slow leak. His gate would falter and his hand would slip further down her shoulder, power waning. He would cough in his throat and blink forcefully trying to reignite the spark of energy that had carried him to Ellie just hours ago, but it was all a losing battle. And eventually, he lost it. It was Ellie who moved first after that.

chp 1 | chp 2 | chp 3 | chp 4 | chp 5 | chp 6 | chp 7 | chp 8 | chp 9

CHAPTER 10!! AT LAST!!!

read on Ao3 with the link above or below the cut ⤵️

❤️ remember comment where you can! ❤️

Chapter 10:

“Miss Sarah Sunshine…time’s up!”

He hollered from the base of the stairs, waiting for the sound of little footsteps making their way. And then, there she was, at the top, looking down at him, clutching three dolls and two stuffed animals in her arms - all of which looked like they might slip through and tumble down to him at any moment. 

“You said I had five more minutes.”

“And it’s been ten,” Joel countered, holding up all of his fingers and giving them a little wiggle. 

Sarah frowned, literally. It tugged at his heart, it always did. 

“Come’on, the bunch can come,” he tried to pacify,  motioning with his head to the kitchen, “Suzie can get her’s washed after,”  he added with a pointed, but goofy grin. 

Sarah complied, pushing all her toys into one arm and then grabbing at the railing with her free hand. Joel patiently waited as she took each step one by one, stopping every other to grab a fallen doll or animal, and stuffing it back into her grip with the others. 

With an outstretched hand, he ushered her down the remaining steps. 

“Salon Miller this way, madame,” he cooed, eliciting a giggle from Sarah. With another soft smile, his hands came to rest lightly on her shoulders as they both made their way to the sink. 

“Going to get that hair lookin’ prim and proper again.” 

Sarah’s warm giggle faded out of Joel’s ears as he leaned casually against the edge of the bar counter, marking the boundary between the kitchen and living room. For the last twenty minutes or so, he hadn’t really dared entering it, giving Ellie some space. It wasn’t intentional at first, but when she shot him a glare as he came back through from gathering supplies down the hall, it felt like he had wrongly taken a step inside a wild animal’s precious den - and he retreated.

He let her be, prepped the kitchen, minded his own business for as long as he could. But now, it was time for him to lure her out.  And like reading some wilderness warning sign - a voice in his head was aptly reminding him to “approach with caution” . 

The last thing he wanted to do was set her off again. 

Clearing his throat, he spoke up. 

“If you’re done sulkin’, I’ve got some stuff ready over here to clean you up a bit.” His voice broke the silence, soft but a little snarky - really more so then he intended.  His eyes carried concern that his words did not; unfortunately, she couldn’t see them.

He waited a long moment just staring into the back of Ellie’s head until she finally rose from the couch. She swaddled herself in the blanket, wrapping herself in a tight little cocoon like before, and shuffled around the sofa and on past him. She still wasn’t looking particularly happy, maybe even a small bit of anger still glinting in her eyes, but she was not burning so fiery hot anymore either.

He followed her with his gaze as she walked by him, and then with a resigned sigh, he pushed away from the counter and trailed behind her to the kitchen sink, hands almost coming to rest on top of her shoulders - hovering for a fraction of a second before falling to his sides. 

The setup was modest but functional: the pot of water rested in one half of the double bowl metal sink; and on the counter, he laid out, a washcloth a comb, a bath towel - only partially moth-eaten-, an extra cup, and large pillar candle that was casting a warm glow over the entire area. A barstool was positioned right at the counter’s edge, facing toward it all. 

Seeing the arrangement as she approached, Ellie glanced over her shoulder toward Joel with raised brows, who in quick response, curtly nodded his head with a soft smile - flashing a little bit of pride in his handiwork.  

“Gonna need to save water, so I'll help,” he said.

“You don't—" Ellie began, nuzzling herself onto the stool, but Joel cut her off gently, “That’s my spot,” he corrected with a soft tone.

Confused, Ellie paused and then slid off, her brow knitting in puzzlement.

“Ain't planning on standing the whole time,” he explained, a bemused huff escaping him. He shook his head slightly and placed a hand on the back of the stool. With his other hand, he patted the countertop. “Up here. Lie back, head toward the sink.”

Ellie hesitated, her eyes flickering between skepticism and defiance as she surveyed the counter, then the sink, and back to Joel.  She never once in her life had anyone wash her hair for her. And certainly not at fourteen. 

“I’ll do your hair first, while the water’s still warm, don’t want you catchin’ cold again, and then we can get the—” he paused for a second, hesitant to point out the crimson spatters still adorning her face. 

“The blood,” she finished flatly.

“The blood,” Joel echoed softly, pursing his lips together and giving her a small nod. He shifted on his heels, silence falling awkwardly between them. After a beat he sucked in a breath, “So.. hop up, Salon Miller ain’t open all night.” 

Memories still lingering in the back of his head, the words slipped out so easily, but stung his core. He hid back a small wince, feeling like he said something completely inappropriate- although, it wasn’t like she would understand, anyhow. Eager to move past the imperceivable slip, Joel quickly continued: “Come'on, kid….it will be quicker if I help ya.” 

“Joel.” 

Her tone was somewhere between a skeptical whine and a mewl of condemnation. 

“Humor me okay?” 

He gave the counter another pat, the sound of his palm slapping the old linoleum echoing in the space. “Up.”

With a resigned sigh, a subtle shake of her head, and one of her signature eye rolls, Ellie conceded. Shifting her blanket cape, she clasped the fabric in one hand, small fingers working overtime. She edged backward, her back pressing against the cool surface of the counter. Bracing herself, she propelled upwards with her free arm. 

She really should have given the maneuver more thought. 

A sharp, piercing pain erupted through her side, searing and unyielding, as her ribs protested the strain. A stifled gasp caught in her throat, halting her motion, her feet barely leaving the ground.

“Fuck,” she drawled angrily. Her hand flew to her side, pressing against it as if to hold back the pain, while her eyes squeezed shut in a futile attempt to block out the sensation.

Joel instinctively reached out, his hand lingering near her shoulder without making contact. "What's—"

“Nothing…. I’m fine,” she cut in swiftly, brushing off his concern while gently nudging his arm aside.“Just my ribs… they’re a bit….” She hesitated, swallowing back some residual pain before admitting,  “fucked up.”

Joel’s eyes narrowed.  

“How fucked up?” he probed- unsuccessfully. 

Ellie only inhaled deeply, steeling herself for another attempt. This time, she moved with more caution, but her face still contorted in an effort to suppress the pain. She clumsily juggled holding onto the blankets with one hand while using the other to hoist herself onto the counter-  movements awkward and unsteady, but determined. 

It still didn’t work. 

She unfurled the heavy quilt with a pout of mild annoyance, extending it towards Joel. Meeting his silent, questioning gaze, she gave the blanket an impatient flutter. “Hold this for a sec,”  she said, a bit more pointedly, as she thrust the quilt into his hands. 

Now with both hands free, Ellie firmly pressed both her palms against the countertop and pushed herself up. Her feet dangled momentarily, bare heels hitting the cupboard doors as she slid into place atop the counter. The effort strained her ribs less this time, although it still made her shoulder ache deeply. Her eyes found Joel drenched with concern.  She offered a small, tight defiant smile, masking the pain with a hint of triumph.

After an uncomfortable beat of stillness, Ellie leaned forward and grabbed the quilt out of Joel’s grasp with a hard tug, as if he wouldn’t have just easily let it go had she asked. She pulled it up and around her back once more, draping the excess fabric over her bare legs to keep them out of the cold and, maybe more importantly, Joel’s view. She had caught him glancing at them just a few seconds ago, eyes tracing the marks on her skin the moment they were back on full display.

“Should I check those?” Joel asked, nodding towards her legs as she carefully positioned herself more fully onto the counter. 

Ellie responded with an evasive shrug, her jaw tightening in an effort to hide the pain as she slowly reclined. Her ribs protested the movement, a dull ache spreading across her chest. The counter was cold, and even with her pullover still on, she couldn’t help but flinch when she felt its icy touch on her back. Once lying down, she inched her head closer to the sink's edge.

This new position placed her directly under Joel's gaze, a proximity that felt uncomfortably intimate. The vulnerability of lying on her back, looking up at a man, was not a position she had wanted to revisit any time soon. Ellie sucked in a breath, low and slow, and blew it out through her lips. 

He’s not him. 

“If somethin is hurtin, you can tell me,” Joel offered gently.

The thought of confiding in Joel flickered in her mind, but faded quickly.She averted her eyes, fixating on the kitchen’s crusty backsplash instead of meeting his gaze.

“You don’t have’t tell me anything you don’t want to, but if something is hurting, maybe I can- 

“-can we get this over with?” Ellie interjected firmly, gulping down. 

With a sigh and a nod,  Joel dropped it. In truth, he didn’t really know where he would go with it anyway - what he could do for her now. 

He reached out to grab her hair, his fingers skimming her neck. The cool touch of his skin on hers made her tense up, shoulders coming up to her ears. It had Joel pausing immediately, worrying he had touched something tender. 

Ellie, noticing his hesitation, consciously focused on easing the stiffness in her muscles. Her eyes locked onto the patterned backsplash, she silently counted the tiny squares—1, 2, 3, 4—in a quiet attempt to distract herself from the unsettling proximity of his hands to her neck. 

It wasn't until she visibly relaxed, her shoulders sinking away from her ears, that Joel cautiously resumed his task. With a gentle touch, he carefully arranged her hair, draping it over the sink's edge.

Settling onto the stool, Joel's weight elicited a loud creak from the aged metal, the sound harsh and grating. As he scooted it closer, the stool screeched against the floor, a sound too loud, too reminiscent for Ellie. Her eyes flickered towards the noise, then back to the wall,  mind involuntarily recalling the haunting echo of metal scratching against tile - of a fucking cage door creaking open. 

This time when a shiver ran down her spine, it wasn't cause the coolness of the countertop. She forced her eyes shut for a moment and wiggled more deeply into the quilt, trying to center herself.. 

It wasn’t hard to notice her discomfort. Even in the dim light, he could see the tension in her posture, the way she tried to make herself small, the way she clutched the blanket around her like a shield. She never used to try to make herself small; if anything it was always the opposite - diving head first with little regard for her own safety - invincible Ellie. 

Joel sucked in a long breath, hit again with a wave of dread. He wasn’t not trying to put the pieces together - they were basically flares on a dark road, unmistakable-  but he also wasn’t allowing his mind to stop there much either. Anytime he wandered close to that edge of reality, his body squeezed his heart tight and made him back away. He just couldn’t do it, couldn’t ask in full - felt like it would be jumping from a cliff with nothing to brace his fall. 

Decidedly, he would swallow it all back and try to make her comfortable until he could figure out how to stick the landing. (Or, perhaps, was inevitably pushed off.)

“You know you can relax a lil’, I’m just washing your hair.”. 

“I - I’m laying on a hard ass counter dude...You try doing that and relaxing,” she retorted- weakly.  

His eyes got stuck on her small fingers, tinged red from dried blood, white-knuckling the age of the quilt, so much tension loaded into them. Joel briefly glanced behind to the living room, and then back to Ellie, before softly scooting up and away from the position he just settled in. 

Ellie watched with confusion as he padded over to the living room, bent with a groan, retrieved something from his backpack, and then came back to her. She didn’t move an inch as he took her hand and uncurled her reluctant fingers from around the fabric. 

“Here.” 

His voice was soft, almost a whisper, as he pushed her switchblade into the palm of her hand and closed it back around. His own lingered over hers longer than necessary as his brain tripped for a moment, instead seeing another girl’s dainty little fingers willingly reaching out to grab a small teddy bear from his - something to fidget with as she lay flat. 

The feeling of wood and metal against her skin had Ellie craning her neck up, checking to see if it was real. She had resigned to the fact that it was gone, that the fuckers in the town took it from her or it was lost in the snow when she fell off Callus. She hadn’t even thought to ask Joel about it, to see if he had found it. 

But of course he had.   

It made her feel like such a dick, but she couldn’t muster the words to say that to him.  Instead,  Ellie softly lowered her head back down, clutching the blade with more force. 

Her tightening grip could be felt under Joel’s hand and it pulled him more back to the present. He offered her a small grin she avoided - again- before settling back onto the stool.  

Joel paused for a moment, but then with a curt nod, he reached for the bath towel and rolled it up. One hand gently snuck under Ellie’s head and lifted, movements gentle but purposeful. “Tuck this under ya’,” he muttered.

Her eyes flicked to him with a mix of suspicion, but when he carefully slid the rolled towel under her neck, she relaxed, tension in her shoulders releasing, even if just a fraction. 

“There,” he said, his voice tinged with a small bit of pride, “Better, right?”

He was being so fucking nice it hurt.

Ellie gave half a nod, her eyes briefly meeting him before darting away again. 

He wished she would stop that - stop looking away like he was someone to be scared of - he didn’t want to see her ever scared again - not after finding her in the snow like that. 

With an almost imperceivable shake of his own head, Joel reached over and gently pulled the fabric of the quilt up around her a little more, ensuring she was wrapped up and warm before finally moving to the task at hand. 

He carefully parted Ellie's hair, taking small bunches, and dragging his fingers roughly over, trying to find the most hardened bits. It was cold and damp in certain places, glued together by congealed blood, and when he found those certain spots, he rubbed it between his fingertips, trying to loosen the debris. He tried not to think too hard about what he was doing as he moved section by section. For all the good memories that had some up within the last hour - glimpses of Sarah young and precious - there was still a part of his brain that threatened to pull the opposite to forefront - still young, of course, but lifeless, hair dripping in blood, his fingers racking through and brushing back her curls as she withered away in the grass.  

He wanted to do this for Ellie, but he also didn’t need to relive that if he could help it. 

She could feel him carefully pulling apart the gunked sections, his fingers deft and surprisingly gentle. It was strange- hands that she knew were rough and calloused and strong touching and working so slow and so tenderly, like he was handling glass. 

When his hands left her head for just a second, Ellie was surprised by how she vaguely missed the subtle pressure. But then his touch was back, the edge of one hand resting at her hairline, shielding her from small splashes as the other carefully powered warm water down her head. 

Instinctually, she closed her eyes as her ears tuned into the rhythmic sound of water dripping into the metal sink, splashing down as he rinsed again with more water - once more then twice over- water running pink into the basin below.. 

Ellie didn’t want to admit it, but it was really fucking soothing. Her grip loosened on her switchblade, her tight chest released, body really beginning to finally relax. Unfortunately, the moment of bliss faded when Joel brought the comb into play, the brush snagging repeatedly on her still quite matted strands as he tried to brush it through. 

He tried to be soft with it, but the comb was cheap old plastic and it bent every time he applied even the smallest amount of pressure, pushing on a culpable knot rather than breaking it apart. It was really the worst sorta thing to be used in this situation, but he had nothing else. 

With a sign, Joel placed his hand firmly at the back of Ellie’s head for leverage and tried to pull the comb full through. 

"Sorry, kiddo," he murmured as he brushed down, Ellie’s neck tugging backward with the force, despite his efforts to prevent it. 

She tried to stifle down the wince, but she couldn’t. Joel didn’t blame her. 

"Gotta get these last knots out.”

She winced again, although this time. 

“I know I’m sorry- almost done.”

His eyes briefly went to Ellie's face, checking for any sign of pain as he worked through the final stubborn clumps. Eventually, he set aside the comb, using his fingers to gently tease and pull apart the more stubborn tangles.

As his fingers sifted through her hair, they stumbled upon something hard. Extracting it curiously, Joel rolled the small piece between his fingertips, examining the white shard tinged with red. It didn’t take long for him to realize what it was - he had seen bone before. 

Heck, he picked it out of Tess’ hair once, albeit after she pummeled apart a fresh infected. 

They hadn’t seen any infected in a month - too cold, too remote. 

His heart sunk down as he flicked the piece away, only to find another not a moment later. 

What the hell had she been through? Bone, blood, bruises.. 

Unexpectedly, Ellie's voice pierced his train of thought. "You've done this before?"

“This?” Joel echoed, a bit startled, while hastily removing the other small piece of bone and dropping into the sink as if he was caught with something he shouldn’t have. 

“It - it, just seems like you know what you’re doing.”

He let out a soft hum in confirmation - letting her words soak into the air.  He did, certainly. 

After a long beat, voice practically a whisper, Joel slowly replied,  "Used to do it…for Sarah… when she was lil’..”

Saying her name out loud brought it all back up again with even more lucidity - could hear her the ring of her giggles, smell the shea butter and mango shampoo, see the wrinkle of her nose when the water got in her ears, and her bright brown eyes staring up at him while she leaned back into a sink much like this. The flash of memory was so sweet it was almost sickening. 

“So i’ve had some practice,” he added. 

Practice and patience, lots of it. He hadn’t always known how - it took a while, and a kind neighbor - but eventually Joel learned the right amount of conditioner and oil to lather in so her curls would shine through - so it didn’t look like he was a struggling single dad constantly petrified that he wasn’t doing right by her. 

Somehow, decades later, he was still petrified he wasn’t doing right by a little girl. 

After a pause, Joel continued, “...although,” he drawled out, “ her hair was a bit different than your’s.”. 

“Longer?”

“No…well maybe, just - she had textured hair, tight curls - your’s is straight.”

“Oh,” Ellie replied softly. 

She hadn’t ever actually given much thought to what Sarah looked like. The few times she had come to mind it was just an outline, a girl, nondescript, not even an age really, just young. It was such a small little bit of her, but it made Sarah feel so much more real - less of a ghost, more a person - a person that looked awfully like Riley.

Ellie hadn't known Riley when she was small, but it wasn’t hard to imagine her aged down a few years, unruly hair in some less than stellar braids, smiling and giggly, innocent, not as cynical, not as broken down…… not as dead.  

It settled in her then, a bit of how he felt before, when she brought her up. Mentally, she had known what it would do- emotionally, she kind of grazed over that bit in the heat of the moment.  Ellie could feel a lump forming in her throat and she repositioned slightly, wiggling her shoulders and throwing her eyes up and to the side to look at Joel. 

“I - m’sorry..for before..for bringing her up…. like that. ”

Joel nodded slowly. He wasn’t going to say it was okay, but he did appreciate the apology.  

“I was just…” she trailed, unsure of how to say  - “I was trying to make you miserable like me.”

“I know,”  he supplied for her, giving her another nod of understanding, while picking up the water cup and gently pouring it over the crown of her head, in a final rinse. 

A trickle of water slipped past her ear, running down her neck. She shivered at the sensation. Joel reached for the washcloth quickly and caught the dribble before it could go down further. At the same time, Ellie turned her head to the left, just a little, allowing him to do it, allowing him to see more of her neck than before. 

As the towel left the spot, all Joel could focus on was the purple fingertip imprints right under ear, marks that joined together in a clear handprint on her neck. 

Pulling away slowly, he sat back heavily on the stool, a pained sigh escaping his lips.  

More fucking bruises.

“Joel?” Ellie asked amidst his silence and pause, turning her head back straight, hand instinctively coming to where he last touched. She didn’t feel anything. 

He knew she wouldn’t tell him what happened, knew she would brush it off like all the other times, but he couldn’t help himself:  “Ya’ got more bruises on your neck, there.”

Ellie’s eyes quickly turned off Joel and went back up to the ceiling before she shut them, a mix of pain and disappointment washing over her face. 

“Choked?” He asked with a twinge of rasp, barely able to get the word out, mouth and throat dry at just the thought. 

"It’s fine," Ellie replied, her voice firm yet devoid of conviction.

“Ain’t fine.” 

“Fine…… I’m fine,”  she clarified, eyes still closed. Her hand gripped at the edge of the quilt harder, tugging it more tightly around her body, grip increasing on her blade too - body again going tense. 

“Can you just keep going?” 

He hauled in another long deep breath, running his hand up and down his face. 

Reluctantly, he focused on cleaning her face, dipping the washcloth into the now very low pot of water, and getting it wet. He brought it to her face gently, hovering before making contact. Her eyes were still closed and he didn’t want to scare her. For better or worse,  he was getting used to her jumpiness now.

“Gonna do your face now, alright?”

She gave a small nod, the back of her head scraping against the towel, “mmm-hmm.”

Carefully he wiped at the blood, making more passes at it than he had hoped, the substance now fully dry and latching on hard to her skin. She winced slightly as the cloth neared her injured  nose, and Joel's heart clenched with each pained expression she tried to hide.

“Can I ask a question?” Ellie softly murmured.

“Of course,” he said, dabbing at a globby bit of blood sitting atop her eyebrow. 

“About Sarah?” 

His hand paused for a fraction of a second, gut immediately telling him to say “no” before his brain took over. “Sure,” he agreed. 

“How old?....when she- when you lost her?” The words came out weak and shaky, Ellie clearly hesitant to ask what was on her mind. She could remember the chalkboard at Tommy’s and Maria’s, but couldn’t quite get the numbers to appear in her head, the date blurry and faded. 

“About your age.. She wa-” 

Joel's voice halted abruptly as the harsh, unmistakable sound of breaking glass shattered the quiet of the kitchen. In an instant, they both froze, their bodies tensing, breaths caught in their throats. For a long second, everything was quiet, the only sound was a faint, rhythmic dripping of water from Ellie’s damp hair onto the sink.

Their eyes met in a swift, silent exchange, confirming they had both heard it. Then, a second, louder crash of glass broke through the tension, leaving no room for doubt.

Reacting instantly, Ellie bolted upright as Joel did the same, rapidly and roughly pushing the stool back so hard it tumbled to the floor, metal hitting the tile with a clatter. 

Ellie had barely turned to swing and slid off the counter before Joel was grabbing at her arm, practically clawing for it, and pulling her down. Wrapped in layers of the quilt, she almost face-planted onto the floor in the process, feet and legs stuck amongst the fabric. 

Joel caught her just in time, holding her arm up high like one would do with a little kid, pulling her body up so it didn’t careen into the ground. 

Ellie let the quilt drop, wiggling out of the fabric and stomping on it to free herself. She wasn’t going slow by any means, but still it wasn’t fast enough for Joel who fought back the urge to tell her to hurry up. In the seconds it took her to release herself from the fabric, Joel’s eyes scanned the kitchen and the visible parts of the living room twice, trying to figure out what the fuck was going on. 

Another crash resonated through the kitchen, sound wafting in from the living room. Joel spun around just in time to see the glass shards from a window slide across the wood floor and a subtle ripple of blue. His heart catapulted into his throat, a deafening roar of adrenaline flooding his senses - out now. 

In a flash, they were on the move. 

Or at least Joel was. 

Ellie was being dragged, barely able to keep up with Joel’s sudden intensity, bare feet skated across the title floor.  It was like they were back to square one - months ago - when he ripped her from the State House, his grip iron-clad on her forearm, heaving her out and away from danger. This time, she was moving with him, not against him, but still it was jarring. His grip was firm but desperate. 

He pulled her with a desperate force, his grip iron as they rounded the corner of the living room. Joel dragged Ellie down the adjoining hallway, his actions fueled by raw instinct. He didn’t glance back, didn’t dare to see the damage or danger erupting from the living room.

Ellie’s head snapped back, her neck straining as she tried to catch a glimpse of what Joel refused to see. She swallowed hard when she got a glimpse, wide eyes quickly flicking back straight, heart sinking so low she thought it might have stopped. 

Reaching the end of the hallway, Joel hesitated, his eyes flickering with indecision. He contemplated the back bedrooms but then, with a sudden resolve, he veered into the bathroom. With almost frightening force, he flung the door open, and with a firm hand to her back, pushed Ellie inside.  

She stumbled forward, switchblade snapping open in a reflex as she righted herself. When she spun around, her eyes quickly found Joel’s - desperate for answers they both knew he didn’t really have and confirming a grim reality they both didn’t want to face. 

"Stay. Here." He commanded, although it was really more of plea. 

She edged forward, defiance flickering in her eyes.

"Keep the door shut,” he added, his hand trembling slightly as he began to close it.

Ellie's free hand shot forward, her fingers curling around the handle, gripping it hard to hold it ajar.

“Joel.”

Fear was rolling off her in waves, her eyes wide and darting across his face, searching for something, anything.

“I’ll be right back.”

“No don-” 

“Promise,” he interjected with a firm urgency, slamming the door shut with more vigor than he had intended, too hyped on adrenaline. 

Joel quickly pivoted, and hurried back down the hallway, his heart pounding in his chest, side screaming - fighting against every rushed movement. As he approached the living room, an ominous orange glow bled through the edges and a wave of scorching air pushed into him at the threshold.

He stole a fleeting glance back towards the bathroom, ensuring it remained closed, before taking a breath, covering his face with his elbow, and stepping into the growing flames of the living room.

[roleplayfinder]

Seeking Literate and Dedicated Partners!

Disclaimer: Male authors, please stop contacting me. I’ve been burned too many times. If you persist, I’ll ignore your message. Hello, you can call me Doe! I’m 25+ and a proud cat mom. I write multiple paragraphs/novella style (200-500+ words). I love to write detailed descriptions and delve into a character’s head/emotions as well as surroundings. I compare it to writing a novel together. I understand if the scene doesn’t have alot going on and therefore requires less like rapid fire. I adore having long, thoughtful replies where we truly immerse ourselves in the world. I’m hoping to find a partner whose as enthusiastic and passionate about the plot and writing as I am. When I get invested in a story, it’s 100% dedication. Getting a reply is the highlight of my day. I’m a big fan of romance and using face claims. I’m the type to make pinterest boards, spam you with gifs, headcanons, and send you songs that remind me of our characters and/or ship. I’ll get excited if we come up with future plot ideas, or if our characters are being cute or angsty and I can yell about it in the chat. Last but not least I only do MxF (with myself in the female role) and don’t double, but I’m more than happy to write side characters of either gender to help move the story along. I’d highly prefer female authors writing male characters. Desperately Searching For - 21+ partners - For you to have an excellent grasp of grammar, punctuation, spelling, and capitalization. Both in character and out of character. (Literate to advanced writers only, please. I’m not looking for newbies or those who have English as their second/third language). - Plot before smut. While mature themes will be in my plots, and are even encouraged, there needs to be chemistry between our characters. I like to have a good mix of plot and tastefully written smut, along with doses of angst and fluff. - For you to write as an older man (40s+/50s+). I’m a sucker for the gruff and tough men with dark pasts who secretly have a soft heart. I also love those grumpy, hypermasculine men being intimidated by soft yet commanding women. The youngest I write is early 20s. - The more description, the better! I’m looking for someone who can write as much as me (2 to 4 paragraphs or more) and really bring the story to life. I lose interest/feel discouraged if I only get one sentence in reply while trying to build the plot/develop characters. - Joining me in the wonderful world of ship/character development is kind of a must. It’s one of the things that makes writing with a partner so much fun. I also like to make friends with my partners! - While I’d prefer real life face claims, I’d also be open to using realistic art if you’re uncomfortable with real life. I draw the line at anime/cartoon art. Faces I’d love to write as: gal gadot, rooney mara, ruth negga, saoirse ronan, sophie turner, jessica chastain, jennifer morrison, mia wasikowska, natalia dyer, brit marling, deborah ann woll, mackenzie davis, emmy rossum, adria adjora, chyler leigh, hayley bennet, tashi rodriguez, lily james, cara delevingne, maya hawke, claire foy, ask about others Faces I’d love to write against: jeffery dean morgan, hugh jackman, robert taylor, jr bourne, anson mount, jon bernthal, jason issacs, anthony varrecchiah, jon hamm, brett tucker, david harbour, frank grillo, iain glen, josh duhamel, patrick petitjean, keanu reeves, luke bracey, ethan hawke, christian bale, rory mccann, younger sam elliot, viggo mortensen, ask about others If you’ve made it this far, thank you! You won’t be disappointed in writing with me. I tend to be online daily and while I’d like it if you were too, I understand that real life things comes first. Please let me know if you’re going to be inactive, I’m in this for the long term. If you suddenly stop replying ic and ooc, I’ll drop the story after 2 weeks to a month. Below are genres and pairings I love. Feel free to combine as many as you’d like and I’m sure we can come up with something great! Current cravings are in bold. Two thing I don’t do are slice of life and historical plots. Genres: - anything mafia related - crimes in remote locations - spooky small towns - post apocalyptic/dystopia - supernatural/modern fantasy (A/B/O, werewolves, shapeshifters, monster x hunter) - southern/mid western gothic - murder mystery (small town or big city) - modern/dark fairy tale retellings - sci-fi - cyberpunk/retro-futuristic - little coastal towns or little towns in the mountains - emotionally charged/dark and gritty - superpowers/gifted - unresolved sexual tension/slow burn - mythology (modern / hades x persephone) - redemption - pacific northwest - suburban gothic - luring to the other side - reincarnation/multiple universes - western inspired + modern day (such as longmire) - christmas inspired - culture clash/two characters from different sides Pairings: - age gaps (older man x younger woman / 15 to 25+ year gap) - enemies to lovers/villain x heroine - cop x criminal - doctor x patient - friends turned lovers/pining - grumpy x sunshine - the broken man x the woman that becomes his light - fbi agents/cop partners - dark hearted man melting for the innocent woman - friend x best friend’s older sibling - boss x employee - neighbors - single father x friend - firefighter/cop x victim - mentor x mentee - hurt/comfort - height differences - pet names (sweetheart, baby girl, kid, kiddo) - lady and the tramp esque/class difference - creature x human/creature - ex-con x anyone - bodyguard x assignment - widow/er falling in love again - biker x civilian - rancher/mountain man x city girl - affair - hitman x target - serial killer x fbi agent - soul mates - experienced x inexperienced - local x vacationer - injured/scarred warrior washed out from their former glory x royal/heir-to-be - friend x best friend/boyfriend’s father - daughter in law x father in law - park ranger x camper - bounty hunter x bounty - power imbalances Tropes/Themes: the papa wolf/hot dads, cultured badass, jerk with a heart of gold. ladykiller in love, mountain man, mysterious protector, southern gentleman, tall, dark, and handsome, knight in sour armor, red string of fate, villain takes an interest, porcelain to ivory to steel, when person a gets injured/kidnapped and person b goes absolutely feral to save them tiny women and big men, the monster being treated gently for the first time in his life, two characters forced into positions where they have no choice but to reconcile their differences and grow together/trust each other, forbidden relationships, trying to escape childhood demons & reuniting in adulthood Fandoms: (I don’t write canons or do canon x oc) Star Wars, X Files, Haven, Fringe, Stranger Things, Heroes, The Wolf Among Us, Mercy Thompson Series, True Blood, Marvel, The OA, Disney personified, His Dark Materials, Beastars, Horizon Zero Dawn, The Last of Us (I’ve been dying to write against Joel) Plot Ideas: I have too many to list here but take a look at my google doc and let me know if anything catches your attention. It’s a mix of fandom inspired and original plots: Plot Ideas Last but not least, I have a list of kinks if anyone’s interested. I use email and discord to write. I’d also be open to joining a jcink site! Contact me at Doe#3347 on discord or by email: doeeyes73@gmail.com Please be detailed when you message me, let me know why you chose to contact me. Seeing only “hey do you wanna rp?” is a guaranteed way to turn me off. Look forward to hearing from you!

[fyrapartnersearch]

Seeking Literate and Dedicated Partners!

Disclaimer: Male authors, please stop contacting me. I've been burned too many times. If you persist, I'll ignore your message. Sorry! Hello, you can call me Doe! I'm in my 20s, a small business owner, and a proud cat mom. I write multiple paragraphs/novella style (200-500+ words). I love to write detailed descriptions and delve into a character’s head/emotions as well as surroundings. I compare it to writing a novel together. I understand if the scene doesn’t have alot going on and therefore requires less like rapid fire. I adore having long, thoughtful replies where we truly immerse ourselves in the world. I'm hoping to find a partner whose as enthusiastic and passionate about the plot and writing as I am. When I get invested in a story, it’s 100% dedication. Getting a reply is the highlight of my day. I'm a big fan of romance and using face claims. I’m the type to make pinterest boards, spam you with gifs, headcanons, and send you songs that remind me of our characters and/or ship. I'll get excited if we come up with future plot ideas, or if our characters are being cute or angsty and I can yell about it in the chat. Last but not least I only do MxF (with myself in the female role) and don’t double, but I’m more than happy to write side characters of either gender to help move the story along. I'd highly prefer female authors writing male characters. Desperately Searching For - 21+ partners - For you to have an excellent grasp of grammar, punctuation, spelling, and capitalization. Both in character and out of character. (Literate to advanced writers only, please. I'm not looking for newbies). - Plot before smut. While mature themes will be in my plots, and are even encouraged, there needs to be a good chemistry between our characters. I like to have a good mix of plot and tastefully written smut, along with doses of angst and fluff. - For you to write as an older male (40s+/50s+). I'm a sucker for the gruff and tough men with dark pasts who secretly have a soft heart. I also love those grumpy, hypermasculine men being intimidated by soft yet commanding women. The youngest I write is late 20s. - The more description, the better! I'm looking for someone who can write as much as me (2 to 4 paragraphs or more) and really bring the story to life. I lose interest if I'm the only one that's invested/enthusiastic or coming up with plot ideas. Quality writing makes my heart happy, as does world building together. - Joining me in the wonderful world of ship/character development is kind of a must. I feel discouraged/feel like I'm the only one invested if I get nothing in return for say, coming up with some cute headcanons. - While I'd prefer real life face claims, I'd also be open to using realistic art if you're uncomfortable with real life. I draw the line at anime art. Faces I'd love to write as: gal gadot, rooney mara, ruth negga, saoirse ronan, sophie turner, jessica chastain, jennifer morrison, mia wasikowska, natalia dyer, brit marling, deborah ann woll, mackenzie davis, emmy rossum, adria adjora, chyler leigh, hayley bennet, tashi rodriguez, lily james, cara delevingne, maya hawke, ask about others Faces I'd love to write against: jeffery dean morgan, hugh jackman, billy burke, robert taylor, jr bourne, anson mount, jon bernthal, jason issacs, anthony varrecchiah, jon hamm, brett tucker, david harbour, frank grillo, iain glen, josh duhamel, patrick petitjean, keanu reeves, joe manganiello, luke bracey, trey tucker, younger sam elliot/dennis quaid/tom selleck, ask about others If you've made it this far, thank you! You won't be disappointed in writing with me. I tend to be online daily and while I'd like it if you were too, I understand that real life things comes first. Please let me know if you're going to be inactive, I'm in this for the long term. If you suddenly stop replying ic and ooc, I'll drop the story after 2 weeks to a month. Below are genres and pairings I love. Feel free to combine as many as you'd like and I’m sure we can come up with something great! Current cravings are in bold. Two thing I don't do are slice of life and historical plots. Genres: - anything mafia related - crimes in remote locations - spooky small towns - post apocalyptic/dystopia - supernatural/modern fantasy (A/B/O, werewolves, shapeshifters, monster x hunter) - southern/mid western gothic - murder mystery (small town or big city) - modern/dark fairy tale retellings - sci-fi - cyberpunk/retro-futuristic - little coastal towns or little towns in the mountains - emotionally charged/dark and gritty - superpowers/gifted - unresolved sexual tension/slow burn - mythology (modern / hades x persephone) - redemption - pacific northwest - suburban gothic - luring to the other side - reincarnation/multiple universes - western inspired + modern day (such as longmire) - christmas inspired - culture clash/two characters from different sides Pairings: - age gaps (older man x younger woman / 15 to 25+ year gap) - enemies to lovers/villain x heroine - cop x criminal - doctor x patient - friends turned lovers/pining - grumpy x sunshine - the broken man x the woman that becomes his light - fbi agents/cop partners - dark hearted man melting for the innocent woman - friend x best friend’s older sibling - boss x employee - neighbors - single father x friend - firefighter/cop x victim - mentor x mentee - hurt/comfort - height differences - pet names (sweetheart, baby girl, kid, kiddo) - lady and the tramp esque/class difference - creature x human/creature - ex-con x anyone - bodyguard x assignment - widow/er falling in love again - biker x civilian - rancher/mountain man x city girl - affair - hitman x target - serial killer x fbi agent - soul mates - experienced x inexperienced - local x vacationer - injured/scarred warrior washed out from their former glory x royal/heir-to-be - friend x best friend/boyfriend's father - daughter in law x father in law - park ranger x camper - bounty hunter x bounty - psychic x detective - power imbalances Tropes/Themes: the papa wolf/hot dads, cultured badass, jerk with a heart of gold. ladykiller in love, mountain man, mysterious protector, southern gentleman, tall, dark, and handsome, knight in sour armor, red string of fate, villain takes an interest, porcelain to ivory to steel, when person a gets injured/kidnapped and person b goes absolutely feral to save them tiny women and big men, the monster being treated gently for the first time in his life, two characters forced into positions where they have no choice but to reconcile their differences and grow together/trust each other, forbidden relationships, trying to escape childhood demons & reuniting in adulthood Fandoms: (I don't write canons) Star Wars, X Files, Haven, Fringe, Stranger Things, Heroes, The Wolf Among Us, Mercy Thompson Series, True Blood, Marvel, The OA, Disney personified, His Dark Materials, Beastars, Horizon Zero Dawn, The Last of Us (I've been dying to write against Joel) Plot Ideas: I have too many to list here but take a look at my google doc and let me know if anything catches your attention. It's a mix of fandom inspired and original plots: Plot Ideas Last but not least, I have a list of kinks if anyone's interested. I use email and discord to write. I'd also be open to joining a jcink site! Contact me at Doe#3347 on discord or by email: doeeyes73@gmail.com Please be detailed when you message me, let me know why you chose to contact me. Seeing only "hey do you wanna rp?" is a guaranteed way to turn me off. Look forward to hearing from you!

[fyrapartnersearch]

Seeking Literate and Dedicated Partners!

Hello, you can call me Doe! I’m in my 20s, a small business owner, and a proud cat mom. I write multiple paragraphs/novella style (200-500+ words). I love to write detailed descriptions and delve into a character’s head/emotions as well as surroundings. I compare it to writing a novel together. I understand if the scene doesn’t have alot going on and therefore requires less like rapid fire. I adore having long, thoughtful replies where we truly immerse ourselves in the world. I’m hoping to find a partner whose as enthusiastic and passionate about the plot and writing as I am. When I get invested in a story, it’s 100% dedication. Getting a reply is the highlight of my day. I’m a big fan of romance and using face claims. I’m the type to make pinterest boards, spam you with gifs, headcanons, and send you songs that remind me of our characters and/or ship. I’ll get excited if we come up with future plot ideas, or if our characters are being cute or angsty and I can yell about it in the chat. Last but not least I only do MxF (with myself in the female role) and don’t double, but I’m more than happy to write side characters of either gender to help move the story along. I’d highly prefer female authors writing male characters. Male authors, please stop contacting me. I’ve been burned too many times. If you persist, I’ll ignore your message. Sorry! Desperately Searching For - 21+ partners - For you to have an excellent grasp of grammar, punctuation, spelling, and capitalization. Both in character and out of character. (Literate to advanced writers only, please. I’m not looking for newbies). - Plot before smut. While mature themes will be in my plots, and are even encouraged, there needs to be a good chemistry between our characters. I like to have a good mix of plot and tastefully written smut, along with doses of angst and fluff. - For you to write as an older male (40s+/50s+). I’m a sucker for the gruff and tough men who secretly have a soft heart. I also love those grumpy, hypermasculine men being intimidated by darling, soft yet commanding, and pretty women. - The more description, the better! I’m looking for someone who can write as much as me (2 to 4 paragraphs or more) and really bring the story to life. I lose interest if I’m the only one that’s invested/enthusiastic or coming up with plot ideas. Quality writing makes my heart happy, as does world building together. - The use of real life face claims and joining me in the wonderful world of ship/character development is an added bonus that makes me even happier, but it’s not requirement. (I won’t use anime faces, only realistic art if you’re uncomfortable with real life) If you’ve made it this far, thank you! You won’t be disappointed in writing with me. I tend to be online daily and while I’d like it if you were too, I understand that real life things comes first. Please let me know if you’re going to be inactive, I’m in this for the long term. If you suddenly stop replying ic and ooc, I’ll drop the story after 2 weeks to a month. Below are genres and pairings I love. Feel free to combine as many as you’d like and I’m sure we can come up with something great! Current cravings are in bold. One thing I don’t do is slice of life. I write to escape reality, not return to it XD Genres: - anything mafia related - crimes in remote locations - small towns and supernatural happenings - post apocalyptic/dystopia - supernatural/modern fantasy (A/B/O, werewolves, shapeshifters, monster x hunter) - southern/mid western gothic - murder mystery (small town or big city) - modern/dark fairy tale retellings - sci-fi (star wars inspired / tetraphilia (alien x human) - cyberpunk/retro-futuristic - little coastal towns or little towns in the mountains - emotionally charged/dark and gritty - superpowers/gifted - unresolved sexual tension/slow burn - mythology (modern / hades x persephone) - redemption - pacific northwest - suburban gothic - luring to the other side - reincarnation/multiple universes - western inspired + modern day (such as longmire) Pairings: - age gaps (older man x younger woman. youngest I write is mid 20s) - enemies to lovers/villain x heroine - cop x criminal - doctor x patient - friends turned lovers/pining - grumpy x sunshine - the broken man x the woman that becomes his light - fbi agents/cop partners - dark hearted man melting for the innocent woman - friend x best friend’s older sibling - boss x employee - neighbors - firefighter/cop x victim - mentor x mentee - hurt/comfort - height differences - pet names (sweetheart, baby girl, kid, kiddo) - lady and the tramp esque/class difference - creature x human - ex-con x anyone - bodyguard x assignment - widow/er falling in love again - biker x civilian - rancher/mountain man x city girl - affair - hitman x target - serial killer x fbi agent - soul mates - experienced x inexperienced - local x vacationer - injured/scarred warrior washed out from their former glory x royal/heir-to-be - friend x best friend/boyfriend’s father - daughter in law x father in law - park ranger x camper - bounty hunter x bounty Tropes/Themes: the papa wolf/hot dads, cultured badass, jerk with a heart of gold. ladykiller in love, mountain man, mysterious protector, southern gentleman, tall, dark, and handsome, knight in sour armor, red string of fate, villain takes an interest, porcelain to ivory to steel tiny women and big men, the monster being treated gently for the first time in his life, two characters forced into positions where they have no choice but to reconcile their differences and grow together/trust each other, forbidden relationships Fandoms: (I don’t write canons) Star Wars, X Files, Haven, Fringe, Stranger Things, Heroes, The Wolf Among Us, Mercy Thompson Series, True Blood, Marvel, The OA, Disney (personified), His Dark Materials, Beastars, Horizon Zero Dawn, The Last of Us Plot Ideas: - Human Man x Gifted Woman / stranger things inspired - Hitman x Civilian / modern supernatural + human x werewolf - I almost never ask this as it feels self-indulgent but I finished the Last of Us 2 and have a mighty need to write against Joel with an original character of mine. I just love him so much. Last but not least, I have a list of kinks if anyone’s interested. I use email and discord to write. I’d also be open to joining a jcink site! Contact me at doeeyes73@gmx.com or Doe#3347 on discord. Please be detailed when you message me, let me know why you chose to contact me. Seeing only “hey do you wanna rp?” is a guaranteed way to turn me off. Look forward to hearing from you!