#John losing cause he even engaged at all

[fiishes]

Punchline is - fuck Micah.

[thecameronchronicles]

Shark Tooth Necklace

TW: Severe angst (all the feels). Language. Cheating. Smut. 

SUMMARY: The effect of your gift to JJ remains even after you've broken up…

WORD COUNT: 3500

*ORIGINAL CONCEPT*

Shark Tooth Necklace

It became a statement the same way his dimples, lighter, and rebellious reputation wore over him like a second skin. An accompaniment to which you use to be a part of up until six weeks ago when you found the attention of a Kook following an argument JJ had come to regret since it transpired. It haunted him for the words he spoke, and more importantly, the ones he hasn't. And yet, he kept the evidence of his care for you tucked beneath the curve of his shirts in the belief he could keep a piece of you close. Even if it hurt like hell…

TWO MONTHS AGO

As if the wood making up the floor of the screened in porch had been blistering, your feet danced over the surface as you came to your boyfriend lounging in one of the chairs set for such inactivity. The excitement of a child bouncing down the steps in a similar gait on Christmas morning pulled his attention from his lighter as he illuminated to the joy across your face. 

"I have something for you…" His brows lifted as his eyes descended. That lecherous glance he always gave you in the broadcast of his perpetual desire. 

"Then why are you still dressed?" He teased while pulling you into his lap. But upon doing so, the small drawstring bag hidden in your palm was brought to him. 

"Sure you've got the right pogue, princess?" He taunted to the color of the bag having been a light pink. 

"Just open it…" You whined, having tried to wait until his birthday, but found every day a struggle. 

"I made it…from the rocks we used to skip at the pond near Rixton's Cove…" He poured the contents of a necklace to his palm, his face plagued with disbelief. 

JJ was rather particular to the jewelry he wore. Gaudy rings set over sporadic fingers as you were often the recipient to the chills it allowed, and yet, this was something you'd chosen specifically for him. 

"The chord is from the guitar that broke the night…" You hesitated, remembering a dinner night caused by his father that was sweetened by your presence. It wasn't even that next week until you were officially titled as his possession. But the details of that night no longer mattered to the beautiful adornment he held to catch the sun. 

"It's layered so it won't wear…"

A sable black shark tooth necklace, the perfect length as it came short just before his clavicle.

"If you don't like it-" 

"I love it…" he moved closer to you as you bounced on his lap. 

"Really? I tried to wait and I just couldn't…I almost told you about a hundred times and it was burning a hole in my back pocket-" He shook his head to one of your infamous nervous ramblings as he kissed you. 

"Do you really like it, J?" 

"I'll never take it off…" he confessed as he tried to set the string over his head before you corrected him and tied it perfectly stilled. 

"Maybe I had an ulterior motive…" You divulged why tracing the new necklace over his naked chest. Your fingers tempting a southern descent as your eyes widened to the tones physique you were never able to be tired of. 

"Oh?" 

"It does work for leverage…" You hooked two fingers around the strong chord and used it to guide him to the bench beneath you, his weight pinning you softly as your lips touched in a silent promise of a small forever. 

"I love it." His eyes remained to yours as if speaking the words to you and not your gift. But they were words he hadn't spoken. Not only to you. To anyone. At least aside from a joke when discussing the other pogues. But never when it made him vulnerable. And never when he had so much to lose. 

Since that day, he wore it with pride as a woman would wear an engagement ring. It was his favorite accessory up until the night your relationship crumbled. 

"JJ-" You ridiculed his name alone as he took the contents over John B's dresser and forced them to the ground. 

"You can't tell me you didn't fucking notice-"

"I didn't!"

"You're too smart to be that dumb. EVERY guy wants you-"

"So what if they do? I don't care!"

"You get off on it don't you? All that attention? Everyone wanting to get in your shorts…Maybe I can tell them all it takes is a few compliments and a blunt-" Your hand came to his cheek, an immediate regret as you knew his father had done the same the night before. It was why you'd forgiven the way he bloodied the Kook's face who got a bit too handsy for his liking. And even if he knew you were devoted to him, the frailty of his already weathered emotions had made this his final straw. 

"I love you, JJ." The words came out as a surprise to you both. It was a confession neither had stated until now. But it did not warrant the reaction you'd hoped for. No kiss or embrace. Instead, it seemed to be disappointment. Fear even. But anger still residing as his lead emotion. 

"That's just too goddamn bad." He finally responded after an endless silence. 

"If I go, JJ…I won't come back…not after that…I've been here…I've been the one here…" You reminded with tears streaking down your cheeks. 

"I don't want you here…" He shrugged. 

"You're…this isn't you…" 

"Maybe I'm just tired of watching my girlfriend pawed on anytime we go to a party and you doing next to nothing to stop it…" 

"Well you don't have to worry about it anymore…I'm not your girlfriend to be pawed over." You slammed the bedroom door, pushing last Kiara and Sarah as they heard enough of the argument to cast glares to JJ who followed behind. But it would be his pride and stubbornness that kept him from chasing after you. 

And he had come to regret it ever since. 

"Should have told us you were going out, would have waxed my board last night…" John B greeted your new boyfriend as they had been acquaintances during JJ's downward spiral and had since become a friend. A decent Kook with more common sense than a means to fit in with the princes of the Outer Banks, he fit in with the pogues well. 

Everyone but JJ who stared at him as if his looks could truly kill. 

"Probably couldn't keep up…" JJ teased as your eyes narrowed. Despite the cruel words and messy breakup, he seemed almost indifferent since that night. Almost as if you'd never dated. Aside from these twinges of jealousy of course. Yet you write it off as it being a part of his sarcasm as he had done it to Pogue and John B as well, but there was something a bit colder if he had done it to your boyfriend. 

This specific afternoon was no exception as you were on the HMS Pogue. A small vessel in its own right, it was spacious enough to keep a distance. And yet with JJ making it worse on everyone, it seems ni larger than the door in which Jack was arguably denied in the Atlantic ocean in "Titanic"

"Never teach you how to fish on Figure Eight?" He would begin the insults lightly. Almost as a term of endearment as he turned right around and teased Pope for choosing literature over nature, as he often did. But then they became personal. 

"I remember when we were together and you liked to hold my pole just right-" And even as Kiara nudged him, he wore a smile of pride in knowing he made you and your new beau uncomfortable. 

But it wasn't until you reached land, the boat tied off by Sarah and your boyfriend as Pope, John B, and JJ made their way inside The Chateau. You hadn't meant to follow them, but absentmindedly took the steps behind their trail and came upon the argument you were never meant to hear. 

"I don't even know why she's still here?! She's Sarah's friend-NOT my girlfriend anymore. And I still have to see her almost every fucking day!"

"Pogues for life…" Pope attempted to remind him. 

"She isn't a goddamn pogue anymore than HE is…"

"JJ-" John B attempted to stop him as he saw you on the other side of the screen door leading to the docks you'd just come from. 

"You know what…fine…you all want to keep her around, that's fine…but don't come complaining to me…there's a reason I'm not with her anymore-" He turned to leave, tears in your eyes as he pushed past you. 

"He's just-" Pope began as he tried to console you. 

"JJ…" John B finished the sentence as you slowly nodded. Until now, you'd hoped for civility, if anything. Maybe even he'd find someone else…a thought that razored and scorched your heart to think of, but you believe it was only fair. Even if he wasn't JJ, he was dependable and stable. 

But he still wasn't JJ. Your reckless, passionate-

No. He was not yours anymore. You corrected yourself to think of him in only past tense. It was best that way for everyone. 

Later that night while around a new fire, JJ was sulking on the rival side of the flames. It was debated from whatever angle one sat that he was more enraged that the embers aglow as a core for the group as stories and tales did nothing to alter this. He was fixated on the fire. 

"Truth or dare?" Kiara groaned as Sarah called excitedly. 

"Finally some fun!" 

"We were having fun.." John B defended as Sarah rolled her eyes. 

"Me first! Kie-" She proceeds to dare Kiara to do a keg stand, to which she excelled. John B asked Pope to recite Shakespeare naked, to which he convinced his boxers would suffice, and your boyfriend asked Sarah a truth of her biggest regret, which she named as a single ex. 

"Truth or Dare…" JJ asked you as you tensed. The sudden mischief on his expression was worrisome in contrast to the point he wore the earlier duration of the day. 

"Truth…" he scoffed as you'd taken the safest bet. 

"Do you love him?" For the group that usually came to your defense, they were all silent with curiosity. In truth, they believed you and JJ would find your way back to each other. Even wishing the same as you introduced your new boyfriend, who was annoyingly charismatic and likable. And for that reason alone, nobody interfered for your answer. 

"I…" You looked at your boyfriend. 

"It's early…and there's A love-" Your boyfriend answered for you. 

"But do you love him? The way you did me?" 

"JJ-" Sarah now warned as tears filled your eyes. 

"No…I mean, if she doesn't want to answer it, she can always do a dare instead…" 

"Fine then…dare…" you countered. 

"Kiss him. Like you used to with me. Sitting across my lap…feeling how hard you made me-"

"Okay…" John B reached for JJ's beer and arm before he stood up. 

"The way you pulled on my necklace when you wanted me on top and clawed on my chest when you were…Oh just wait, man…wait until she's on her knees and you'll be wondering how she can be so sweet with a throat like a wh-" Kiara now forced JJ into the Chateau as you had your face in your hands. 

"I'm so sorry…" You told your boyfriend as he tried to console you. And yet his touch was suddenly suffocating. 

"Maybe you should try to talk to him…"

"What?!"

"If we all keep hanging out, you're gonna have to see him. I think the tension needs to be-" He became distracted by his phone. 

"Shit, I gotta get back to Figure Eight before the boys find out I was here." He kisses your temple, abandoning you when you needed him most. The usual reliability always faltering when it came to being Rafe or Topper's right hand man. 

But as he left, you stormed in behind JJ. 

"What is your problem?!" 

"Maybe we should all cool down-" Sarah began before she was pulled away.

"Let them hash this out…it's been a long time coming…" John B led the group out of The Chateau. 

"Just don't break any of the pictures. The glass is hell to clean up-'" JJ glared. 

"Nothing's getting broken, because I'm not staying-"

But as he tried to leave, you couldn't help yourself. 

"Do what you do best and run away." You spoke the first hurtful thing that came to mind. It was enough to stop him in his tracks. 

"Last time I recalled being here alone with you and you were the one who left, sweetheart. Probably just couldn't wait to get back to him…"

"I would never have cheated on you! Him and I were together after us! Not even after you talked to me like that. No matter how insecure you were-"

"Insecure. No, princess, you've got it wrong. I knew my place with you. It was just under everyone else."

"What?! I always put you above everyone else! When my friends told me you would only hurt me, I told them they were wrong. I denied invitations to parties and made excuses for why you ruined the ones we did attend! Because I love you!" The present tense stilled him. 

"Loved-" You corrected as he took a step closer. 

"No no no..you said-"

"Because you make me crazy, JJ! I've tried to make it easy-"

"Easy?! Bringing your new fuck you around so you can rub it in my face is making it easy?!"

"I'm not…we're not-" You suddenly became defensive once again "But even if we we're, it doesn't pertain to you!" 

He moved even closer until you were directly in front of him. The only person you feared and craved in equal measure. 

"Everything you do "pertains" to me, cupcake…" As you went to speak he walked you to the wall directly beside the door. His body never touching yours and yet every nerve set on fire by his proximity alone. 

"Because dating or not, you're still my girl. You'll always be my girl-" he surprised you with the weight pinning you to the wall and the soft kiss reminding you of how sweet he could be. The direct kiss similar to the one you allowed now as you fell into the familiarity of how he excited you. Even in anger. Especially in anger. 

His hands were quick to rise from the wall to your hips as he walked you back to the couch, your calves greeting the edge for only a second before you were pushed flat to the cushions. 

"JJ-"

"I'm not stopping. Not after tonight. Not after knowing you don't love him and you still love me…" 

You tried to cease. His touch. His words. 

Him. 

But everything was intoxicating. Even as guilt weighed within your stomach, you couldn't fight this. You couldn't and didn't want to. 

"JJ…" He only kissed you into silence, his tongue reminding you of its strength as it coerced your own into submission against him. After only a moment of this French kiss, your shirt was lifted and disposed of and that same skilled tongue came to your nipples. 

"JJ!" You gasped. 

"That's how you should always say my name…Screaming for me, not at me…" He pinned your hands over your head before returning his grip to your breast. 

"Fuck, I missed your body…I miss how it missed me…" His secondary hand came into your panties, an elastic band of your shorts making it easy. 

"Please-"

"If you insist…" He angled you on the couch before lowering to his knees, kicking the table away so he could pull your legs over his shoulders. 

"Too bad he isn't here to hear how to make you come…God knows he could learn…" He dove into you, your body reacting immediately to the torturous flicks and sucks made of his technique. As you would begin to tremble for him, he would withdraw, edging you in repetition as you pulled his hair into disarray. 

"I want you in every fucking position to make up for the nights I should have…" he began at the arm of the couch, lifting you to a bend, before undressing behind you. Undressing so quickly that your guilt didn't have time to register before he was inside of you. 

"Fuck!" You belted to that identifiable plunge and width that was incomparable to anyone else. To worsen the seduction, he played with your nipples and clit in alteration, before pulling your hair until you were again this chest. 

"Does he touch you?"

No. You answered silently. 

"You're dripping for me like you haven't been touched since me…Was always so easy to make you come…" 

"JJ please…we can't." The cruel thrust he made were ended as he pulled you over him in a straddle on the couch. Your hands caught the back supporting him before he kept you in place with his own large grip. 

"I'm not letting you go. Not this time…" 

"What you said-"

"I was jealous as hell because everyone looks at you. Because guys like him get to. They deserve to…I want to. I want to deserve it." 

You looked away, the sight of your clothes making your expression sour. 

"I can't-"

"I love you." He spoke the words in a pained delay, as if he had been punched upon trying to speak each word aloud. 

"I should have said it that night but I'm saying it now. I love you." He spoke it again, this time with conviction. 

"Tell me you don't and I'll let you pretend to be happy with him. No more comments or cheap shots…" You searched through his lustful eyes for deceit. But if ever, he was the most authentic he had ever been. 

"I don't…" He exhaled in defeat, rising as you pressed your hand into his chest. 

"JJ…"

"No, I told you if you said…" 

"I wasn't finished…" his expression illuminated with hope. 

"I don't want to hurt anybody…" 

"Please tell me there's a 'but' in there…"

"But…I…I love you…" He scanned your entire expression. Looking for a moment in which you would falter or second guess your own confession. When it wasn't found, he sunk you onto him. 

"I love you…I love you…" The declaration faded into grunts as you kissed him once he'd struggled to speak. 

"I'll tell you every minute on the goddamn dot if necessary…" 

"Just show me…" You ignored the guilt and focused solely on the pleasure he allowed before reaching for his shirt. It was then that you saw it. Your motions slowing as you hooked two fingers beneath the chord of the necklace. 

"You kept it on…"

"Every day." He answered. "Even the ones that hurt…"

"JJ…"

"And I still will…Even if I fuck up again.." You used the necklace to pull him closer. 

"Just don't fuck up again. Just fuck me…" His lips parted into a parting of disbelief. 

"This is making love now, not fucking." 

"Then make love to me…" He lifted you slowly but pulled you down harder, his body reacting in accordance to your own. As you arched, he fell into you and when you fell he met you at the center. When he began to tire, he reclined and pulled you to follow him. 

"Fuck, I missed making you come, sweetheart…" 

"Then make me, JJ…please…" 

"Anything for you, princess." He pulled sensation from your body in which only he could. Caverns visited and inhibitions unlocked that only he could access as he had you moaning and screaming in alteration. 

"That's it baby…come for me…all over-" You clasped your hand over his mouth. 

"I know how to come, JJ…You're the only one who's ever made me…" He clenched his jaw before rolling his eyes, that confession pulling his own release. Your hips are sorely bruised against his own due to his impressive stamina as perspiration and ecstasy joined together in those final moments. Your names intertwined  at that final buck of his hips as he claimed you as his own once again. 

"My girl…" But as the bliss faded, your eyes fell to the side. 

"Whatever happens, I'm not going anywhere…And neither are you for the rest of the night…" 

"JJ, I have to…" 

"Forty three."

"What?"

"That's how many nights I could have had you here in my arms. In my bed. So I have a lot of orgasms to make up for…" 

"Forty three?! He nodded, lifting you around him and carrying you to the bedroom. 

"We'll start slow…"

TAGLIST: @hopebaker @drewspisces @penny4yourthoughts @magnificantmermaid @pickingviolets @lovedetlost @trikigirl271 @maybankslover @slut4tangerine @slvtherinseeker @obxiskewl @bluesongbird @slut-era @ailee-celeste @camilynn @sweetestdesire @onmykneesforrafe @jjmaybanksangel @phildunphyisadilf @mashdan0916 @pankhoeforlife @pankowperfection

MASTERLIST

JJ MAYBANK MASTERLIST

JJ MAYBANK 2ND MASTERLIST 

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[somethingclevermahogony]

OC Interaction Tag

Thank you for the tag , @willtheweaver

Rules: Pick one of your OCs, describe them, then describe how they’d interact with the OC of the person who tagged you.

Will's OC: Fen is a crow. But he does not act like one, having grown up among the foxes of the forest. All his life, he has had to keep his identity a secret. For obvious reasons, Fen does not let too much of himself be known. What he does show is an understanding nature ,and a knack for bringing out the best in others. Storyteller, a good fighter, tracker, and cook, he is skilled in many arts, though you’d never know that from the way he stays humble and modest. He values friendship, and will support those he trust.

My OC: For this round I am going to go with Mikrab. Mikrab is a spiritblood, half-human and half-spirit, a demigod. Mikrab is just over 1450 years old, his body is functionally immortal, though his mind is not. Time and loss has made him apathetic, and his memory has faded with the ages. He does not remember where he comes from, nor his family, he doesn't even remember his birth name, Mikrab is the Knoshic version of his original name (Like Juan vs. John), and his culture and language of origin have since gone extinct. While he does not relish in violence or destruction, he simply does not care if he causes it. He will kill and destroy for the sake of convenience. He wanders the world, not seeking death but also not avoiding it. He is lethargic and cold, save for moments of frustration, often with his predicament. As with all spiritbloods he is massive, though among spiritbloods he is on the short side, only about 7 '8, and is a bit more lean in his build compared to the likes of Narul or Batricca. His supernatural strength and durability are what have allowed him to survive so long. Surprisingly, he is quite a skilled linguist and can speak in Kishite, Knoshic, Apunian, Korithian, Arkodian, Ikopeshi, and Namuti.

How They Would Interact: The reason I chose Mikrab for this is because one of his few "hobbies" is bird-watching. He is deeply fascinated by birds, he finds them complex enough to be engaging while being simple enough not to confuse his time weary mind. He has a particular love for corvids, as he finds their antics fun to watch. Funnily enough, I actually think he would lose some of his interest in Fen upon realizing that Fen is sentient and thus another confusing and complicated person that will inevitably be lost to the currents of time. He would be polite enough though he would ask extensive questions about what it's like to be a bird. The whole sentient part would be of far less importance to Mikrab than the bird part.

Tagging @elsie-writes , @kaylinalexanderbooks , @finickyfelix , and @rivenantiqnerd

[midnghtprentiss]

paper rings - robin buckley

pairing(s): robin buckley x hopper!fem!reader

summary: you decided to marry your girlfriend with paper rings.

warnings: none, pure fluff and queer rights for my girl robs. english is not my first language.

a/n: i hate this idea while listening to a brazilian song and i tought that i needed to fo this before i cry myself to sleep.

Robin was close to have a stroke, she walked around that room so many times that Steve had to gave her something to calm down.

"Robin." He called her making her look at him with eyes full of tears. "No need to panic, you know she's not gonna run right?"

"What if she gave up, like, right now? I mean she can wal away and nobody will see because she's smart and good convincing people to do what she wants, in a good way, alright? But if we think straight she was the one who said yes when i asked and she plan this whole wedding in a years because she wants to get married in Hawkins in spring because the flowers are prettier and I'm talking like crazy, right?" The woman finally sit down, passing her hand through her hair.

"Robs, she's not running. Dustin check on her, she's relaxed and not crazy like you." He lied because he knew she was about to cry.

"Alright. Thanks, I'm just nervous. Do you believe that woman is about to spend the rest of her life with me? Suddenly forever seems pretty short."

Robin was so terrified of the idea of love someone else. After Vickie broke her heart, she kinda gave up, and then she met you.

It was a winter day and she takes Eddie to the hospital cause he fell and broke his arm. The doctor who attend him was you. She lost her words when saw you hit that conforting smile.

"I'm used to take care of children with this injuries but that's pretty funny." You said doing an examination in Eddie's arm, making him laugh.

"I fell because... taking care of children while they play a game is dangerous."

"So, how long have you two been together?" You ask make them both laugh.

"We're not a couple. Just friends, platonic with a capital P." Robin rush her words looking at you.

"That's good to know." You said preparing the things to help the boy next to you.

After that you two became close friends and when you see were dating, moving together and engaged. Now you're about to seal the deal.

"Ready?" Your dad asks while he watches you. "I never tought i'll be giving you away."

"Dad I'm not going anywhere. I will always be your favorite person in the world." You gave him a tight hug and whisper to him. "I won't tell Joyce and El, promise."

Your dad was the first person besides your sister to know you like girls. He was so chill with that and still the most supportive person in the world. He would do anything to make you and Robin happy, and he made it clear everytime you two visit him and Joyce.

"Need to take you to the altar right now, hm?" He whisper giving you a sweet look before slowly make his way through the garden.

You plan the wedding for the last year. Robin was busy working as a music teacher and you decided to plan in your days off and the quiet shifts in the hospital. Robin was really happy about the choices but didn't want to make the decisions cause "That's a lot to think about" "Robin these are flowers."

The wek before was crazy, you go pick up your dress, see the rest of decorations and make sure everything was in control. Robin in the other hand was calm, she repeat to herself that everything was going to be alright and nothing is going wrong. You loved her even more in that moment, because she was aware that if her do something crazy you were going to lose all your shit.

You hold your dad's arm and breath before the piano version of your song by Elton John stars playing. You walked through the grass with shaking legs and when you finally see her, you stop. Robin was there with a black suit. She looked like a dream. She was crying and heart racing. All for you. Because of you.

I hope you don't mind, I hope you don't mind that put down in words.

"Hi" she whispers when you met her.

How wonderful life is while you're in the world.

"Hi" you whisper back holding her hand a little bit tighter.

You two don't have to say one word to understand each other but you knew she was nervous and she knew you were happier than ever.

"I met Robin in the craziest day of my life. She was in the hospital with Eddie and the moment I put my eyes on her, I knew that she was my future. I was so nervous that when I get out of that room I breathe again. Robin, my dearest girlfriend, my son, my moon and all of my stars. You are more than you could ever imagine. You are the reason I wake up early every morning to do breakfast cause I love your morning voice. You are the reason I listen to weird bands. You are the reason I choose to be a better woman. I didn't know a lot about love, I mean, I have my father and Joyce for that but I wanted to feel what they feel and now I do. I feel safe, loved, respected, wantend and happy. I want to have everything with you, a big house, a garden wedding, a few cats and maybe a dog, a children, a life. I like shining things but I'd marry you with paper rings all the time. I love you and choose to love you everyday until I die."

Robin was speechless, she was warm and crying like a baby. You are the love of her life and the feeling of being loved by you was more than enough.

"I try to make a speech but I couldn't because my head goes faster than me so I decided to nake it simple. You are a lot and I wondered if I was enough to deserve your love because you love everyone around you, you care for all of us and that was the most beautiful thing I've ever seen in my life. You push me to be someone, to be more than a person with a ordinary life. Every day with you is better cause you're there. You're there to hold my hand, dry my tears and to listen to me talking nonstop. My future is better because you in it. I love when you're concentrate in your world because every time I watch you doing that, I realized that I want to be in that. I want to be in you bed, in your hard and easy days, in the songs you sing, the notes you write, the plans you made. I can't give you peace, but I can offer you a great life with adventures, laugh and a few other things I shouldn't say out lout. I love you and will keep loving you forever and I promise to fight for us every day."

You gave her a hug, sobbing and smiling at the same time. That woman is the love of your live. She will always be the reason you're happy. She was your wife now, and no one can make you change your mind.

She was yours and your hers. Nothing else matters.

[thesmallworldofsamizayn]

some thoughts about 'kayfabe compliance'

i don't have 'moral issues' with RPF but i do engage with it on quite a different level to regular fanfiction (except john and paul they're a secret third thing to me but i digress). it's hard to fully put my finger on what's different about it, maybe there's a much stronger sense of thinking "this isn't real" the whole time because the disconnect between actual full people ive become parasocial with and the AO3 interface with fanfic tropes on it is much greater. anyway, it's a whole different mode of engagement is the point, so reading wrestling fic has a tendency to be a VERY whiplash inducing experience, due to how fast and loose one can play when it comes to what is the text we are writing fanfiction about here. cue a ramble

the basic divide is kayfabe vs shoot, where a fic is either about the fictional wrestling personas in their storyline, as if wrestling is just a very strangely set up long form soap opera (which it is), or it's RPF about the wrestlers themselves, and will reference their fictional personas as just that, fictional. both are fine and chill, i personally vastly prefer the former not just because it's less uncomfortable but also because, well, that's where all the conflict and angst is and I did sort of come here for that. but the existence of the second option is so interesting, because it's not actually a basic divide, it's a bizarre spectrum and nothing is certain. using sami and kevin as the illustrative example:

the very fact that throughout a 'shoot' fic, sami will still be called, well, sami. if he's called his real name you know you're in full speed ahead RPF mode, but using 'sami' places a layer of fictionality onto the whole thing, as if this is still a made up story about wrestling, it's just a story about wrestlers making up stories. i've never read any drag queen fanfic but i'd guess this is the same effect as using the drag names and writing about their reality TV personas which are varying degrees of authentic, but all basically created for audience entertainment, so is it even 'real people' fanfiction?

stories about el generico where el generico is sami in a mask, but wrestling is real. so he really loses/wins matches, he really gets betrayed and hurt by kevin, but the gimmick is kayfabe, meaning kayfabe also exists but then what is real and what's acting doe sit matter

this is a small thing but it speaks to the whole mindfuck, which is a fic in which kayfabe doesn't exist, everything wrestlers experience happened for real, but wrestling jargon keeps appearing like 'mark', 'bump' and most maddeningly of all 'jobber'! who's jobbing! they're just losing fights!

and then there's just the level at which the writer simply does not give a fuck about any supposed 'rules' and just picks and chooses what's kayfabed and what's not. case in point, a fic i read last night which started as a clear shoot/rpf fic - kevin and sami in the aftermath of Battleground, congratulating each other on putting on such a banger and chilling out in the locker room. only for the fic to reveal half way through that kevin's betrayal at r evolution was real he and sami just made up and i guess decided to keep the feud going for TV. sami went into his pre planned semi choreographed match with his best friend to conclude the story that began with said friend nearly breaking his back for real.

and all that is very cool, but the thing is it means such a different thing to me when i perceive something as entirely fictional vs actual feelings and events with the real person who made that fictional thing. i want the real person to be happy. i want an uncomplicated unmessy parasocial relationship there. i want the fictional character tormented in agony, and i usually specifically seek this out in fic. so when i enter a story, and it's not clear from the get go if im reading about fictional characters who caused each other terrible pain, fictionalised versions of real people who get along very well as far as we know and who are untouched by that pain, or some strange mixing and matching of the two, there's a real tension there as my brain tries to recalibrate what kind of narrative engagement is about to occur

[missvelvetsstuff]

Where you goin, Star?

Bucky Barnes x Reader

Biker AU

Chapter 4

Warnings: Swearing, death, angst

A week after Bucky left town, Y/N is greeting people at her father's front door, an ostentatious, 5 carat, oval cut diamond ring on her left ring finger and wearing a demure pink cocktail dress. The ring felt like an anchor, dragging her down and nothing like she would ever choose to wear.

Of all the days she needed her mothers support, this was a big one but she wouldn't be coming.

Mrs Pierce was in the hospital, in a coma, after an 'accidental' trip down the stairs. The official story was her vertigo caused her to lose her balance. That's what Mr Pierce said but Y/N knew better, her mother had been trying to help Y/N find a way out and ensure her horses were safe but her father found out.

Pierce took it out on his wife because he knew Y/N would be getting a lot of attention in the coming months and he didn't want to take the chance of injuring her in a way that others might notice.

Y/N had begged her mother to leave it alone, after Charlie she wasn't taking any chances but her mother wasn't deterred, the guilt she carried for letting things get so bad forced her to do something, anything.

Of course her father insisted that the wedding plans go on, not wanting to alienate or offend any of the important people he was helping John Walker court. Both men were more concerned with them than with Y/N or her mother.

John was standing next to her with a large smile on his face, he would finally have Y/N in his bed and she had no choice once they were married. Add the fact that her father was powerful, well connected and determined to help John to the top, politically, and he was on cloud 9. He was trying to figure out how to get Y/N to warm up to him but no luck so far. He accepted he had to wait because of her 'miscarriage' but he had a couple of girls to help him through that. He pretended to be sympathetic and willing to wait.

Y/N just smiled and offered banal small talk, counting the minutes until this farce was over and she could go home to her horses. She could feel Brock's stare and felt sick, which reminded her of the baby she lost, that Brock had killed. And the man who deserted her, who she had believed was the love of her life. She still had a tough time believing Bucky had left and blocked her. Even Peggy had shunned her. There was a ache in her heart that she didn't think anything could fix and spent most of her nights crying

When Mr Pierce announced her engagement to the guests, a familiar woman came up to Y/N with hatred on her face and slapped her.

"You! Of all the women I know, you were the last one I thought would do something like this. Stealing another womans man." Olivia Hoskins, Johns ex was livid and started yelling, calling Y/N every name in the book before Brock and Jack Rollins dragged her away.

Y/N was standing in shock, holding her face where it stung. John walked away with some friends and she was left there, no one even caring to ask if she was ok. She excused herself to the restroom and barely held the tears in until the door was locked. This whole situation was just getting worse and it had only been a week.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

6 months later Y/N was waiting for her father to walk her down the aisle. Nothing about this day was anything like the wedding she would have chosen but her father insisted. He spent enough money on this one day to buy a house.

She wore a mermaid style gown with diamonds and pearls sewn into it, pretty enough but not her style at all. She also carried a small silk bag to keep tissues and lipstick in case she needed it. She was thankful she found a mascara that didn't run because the tears wouldn't stop.

Her mothers absence was strongly felt, she had passed in her sleep 3 months ago. Mr Pierce insisted the wedding must go on, claiming her mother wanted her secure and settled down. Y/N wasn't convinced that her father wasn't involved in her mother's death but she had no proof and every time she dared to even politely disagree he reprimanded her swiftly and brutally. She still had a slight limp from when he had Brock break her leg, which Pierce and John blamed on a riding accident. She was resigned to her fate and only hoped to keep her horses safe.

The wedding night was awful. Y/N knew she couldn't turn John down anymore and tried to get her body to cooperate but no luck. John didn't care. He didn't care if she was wet or prepared and definitely didn't care if she came. The only good thing was that it was over soon and John rolled over and fell asleep quickly. She was also thankful that Helen Cho was helping her with birth control behind Mr Pierce's back, she definitely didn't want to get pregnant.

She stared at the ceiling of the suite near the airport where they were leaving for their honeymoon in Bali, the next morning, filled with dread.

Every day of their honeymoon was worse than the day before. Even though he was fucking local girls during the day, John expected her to do her wifely duties, as he called it, every night, hoping to get her pregnant. He was mean and degrading when he talked dirty to her and all it did was make her feel like trash. One night she started crying and John laughed, licking the tears off her face.

When they returned John surprised her with a newly decorated penthouse in Manhattan, far from her horses. The decor was all modern and sleek, black and white and grey. No actual color anywhere, even the fresh flowers were all white. It was nothing like she would choose. Like everything else in her life now.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Over 2 years later and Y/N was a shell of the woman she used to be. She had lost 50lbs and had seemingly permanent circles under her eyes. She had given up on disagreeing or trying to assert herself, it only made things worse. Her only joy was with her horses but thanks to John's demands she was lucky if she got to see them more than once a month. Pretending to be a loving wife on the campaign trail and interviews was torture.

The only good news was that she hadn't gotten pregnant.

One afternoon she received a phone call from her father's assistant/mistress, Sharon Carter.

"Y/N? This is Sharon. I wanted to let you know your father had a heart attack and we are at St Joseph's. It doesn't look good so you should get here as soon as you can."

A week later and she is dressed all in black, thanking people for their condolences and happy the veil on her hat covers her face because shes having a rough time keeping a smile back.

John was still a problem but she was almost 30 and her fathers death meant no one to contest her grandmothers will. She hadn't been so happy in years.

Y/N had the wake at her father's house, just calling the caterers she knew and let them handle everything. She went out to the garden to get some fresh air and a little space. As she stared into space daydreaming about leaving John and this miserable life behind, she didn't hear someone approaching until he spoke.

"Where you going, Star?"

Y/N turned and was momentarily speechless when she saw the blue eyes she used to love so.

Her face dissolved into fury.

"What the fuck are you doing here?"

Bucky flinched "We came to show our respects"

"We?" She looked behind him and saw Sam, Steve and Peggy. And Dot.

"Oh. You." she sneered.

"Consider them paid, see yourselves out" she spat before looking towards Dot "Watch yourself, this one" she poked Bucky in the chest "will lie and claim he loves you, then abandon you."

Y/N pulled her shoulders back and walked away, holding everything in until she could get to somewhere where she could fall apart in private.

Bucky turned to follow her but Steve grabbed his arm "Maybe you should give her a few minutes to calm down. Or just let her go."

Bucky shook his head and stormed off after Y/N. When he found her in her fathers office he closed the door and locked it.

"What was that crack supposed to mean?" Bucky asked angrily.

She rolled her eyes "Seemed pretty self explanatory to me."

She looked him up and down, trying to keep herself from killing or fucking him, she wasn't sure. His hair was slicked back and he was wearing a suit, something she had never seen on him before. He carried it well, obviously a quality suit.

Bucky calmed himself "Look Star, we need to talk-"

His head turned as she slapped him.

"Don't fucking call me that. We have nothing to discuss, you made yourself very clear when you left town without a word and blocked my number. Then you show up 3 years later, after I've been through Hell and back and I'm supposed to give you my time? Wrong.

Now. Get. Out."

Bucky looked confused "But I-"

He was interrupted by the door opening. Brock stepped in "You need anything Mrs Walker?"

Y/N shot him a foul look and was going to give him a mouthful but decided on a better course of action.

"Yes, Brock. Mr Barnes and his associates weren't invited. Could you show them the way out."

Brock nodded but Bucky protested "Please, doll. It's not what you think. I need to talk to you. Please, I-"

Brock grabbed his right arm roughly and started shoving Bucky towards the door. Rollins was in the hall ready to help.

Steve saw Bucky being pushed out and went to follow.

Bucky looked at Steve and shook his head, he didn't want to start a brawl at a funeral.

Once they were all outside Steve looked at his best friend "Well that went as well as expected."

Bucky grimaced "Yeah, I knew this would be a hard sell but I gotta get her back."

Steve shook his head "At this point, I'm not sure that's even a possibility."

"Did you look at her, Steve?" Peggy asked "She looks terrible and she's lost a lot of weight."

Bucky nodded "She said she's been through Hell and back" and dropped his head "It's my fault, I never shoulda let her go."

Sam spoke up "I do want to know what Rumlow is doing here. All I heard was that he bailed on the club right after we left. How long has he been working for her? Or Walker?"

Steve nodded "Good question. It looks like he turned on us and sold Star out. Pierce probably gave him a buttload of cash." He looked at Bucky sadly "I'm guessing he never gave her your message."

Bucky growled "I'm gonna deal with him but one thing at a time. I need to figure out how to convince her to give me a chance to explain."

Back in the house John was livid about the unexpected guests and took it out on Y/N, cornering her in the office.

"What the fuck are they doing here?" He grabbed her chin and squeezed "Are you fucking Barnes again?"

She tried to shake her head "No, John. I haven't even spoken to him since that day and I don't want to. I don't know why he's here. That's why I had Brock kick him out."

John let go and she sighed in relief until she felt her head moving from his hit. Closed fist, knocked her into one of the chairs.

"I better not see him sniffing around you again. I'll have Brock kill you both."

John looked down at her "Don't hide in here for too long, there are a number of important people here and I expect you by my side." And left the office.

Y/N just sat there, head swimming. What the hell was Bucky doing here after all this time? What did he want to explain. She shook her head, didn't matter Bucky was her past and she intended to keep him there.

For now, she took a shot of her dad's scotch, pulled her veil back over her face, squared her shoulders and headed back to the guests.

Chapter 5

[mymalevolenthyperfixationpit]

**All of the Malevolent spoilers (up to 25)**

A Record of MC’s Meat Suit

@neutronbutt

This will by no means be comprehensive, but here are some of the things I noted:

Day 1:

Has a fight with Eddie the Maintenance Man and is nearly strangled to death.

Gets in a car crash. Sounded bad, but even the baby was fine, so…?

Gets stabbed in the abdomen and is in a coma for over a month

Day 2

Is running for his life within an hour of waking up from a coma. That can’t be good for you.

Smacks his head on a boathouse

Gets beaten by cops

Gets shot twice in the gut and once in the chest. Saved by ghost.

Day 3

Smacks head on dock.

Gets blood drawn by cultists. Probably no long term effects. hopefully.

Falls in an old elevator from an unspecified height. Uneven footsteps for some time afterward.

Larvae starts burrowing into arm, burns it out with a lighter

Big river monster draws a substantial amount of blood from abdomen with apparent anti-clotting abilities.

Extraplanar entity attempts to destroy soul. Don’t know if that left a mark.

Bites off the tip of his pinky

Day 4

Sandstorm removes skin from right(?) side of face and damages right(?) eye. Presumably damaged any other exposed skin.

Fights an electricity snake.

Blows up the boat the snake is in

Falls into a big nasty pit. Specifically mentions injuring his back and being unable to walk on his ankle

Falls over a smaller drop of some kind

Gets crushed under a rock- mentions leg and arm are injured

Resets dislocated shoulder with no medical training, being instructed by a being that can barely remember possessing a physical body.

Has fight with own hand. I think another attempt at strangulation

Starved and tortured in a prison in the world of a god of suffering and madness for 3 months

Day 5 ✨

I think he managed to avoid serious injury until leg snap x2 + throat stab, which Kayne fixes

Edit: oh yeah I forgot about frostbite.

“In wind chill of minus 16.6 F (minus 27 C), frostbite can occur on exposed skin in less than 30 minutes.”

So what if like most of your skin is exposed and ur severely underweight and losing copious amounts of blood and occasionally falling unconscious in the middle of a snowstorm on a mountain? 🤔

Day 6

Then there’s just the unspecified leg injury that causes him to pass out. Wow he was really on a roll these past 2 days

An indeterminate time passes, but I’ll call it

Day 7

That’s right, folks, we’ve almost spent a full week with Arty and John

Now it’s just the recent stuff. He says his leg just feels stiff now, and ponders over the drastic recovery 👀

Ear monch

Fall down what sounds like a really long mine shaft. He encounters a lot of shafts huh

Aaaand we’re caught up

Let’s see we’re 2.5 days of strenuous activity (+however long he was unconscious) without food. I suppose that is nothing outside his norm.

Those are most of the major injuries. In the intervening time, he engages in plenty of activities that would result in cuts and bruises. If you want to get real nuanced with your blorbo-crushing you can research the physical effects of chronic stress, coma without proper recovery, and of long-term starvation.

At this point I’m convinced that John is affording him boosted constitution.

[lovesongbracket]

Reminder: Vote based on the song, not the artist or specific recording! The tracks referenced are the original artist, aside from a few rare cases where a cover is the most widely known.

Lyrics, videos, info, and notable covers under the cut. (Spotify playlist available in pinned post)

All of Me

Written By: John Legend & Toby Gad

Artist: John Legend

Released: 2013

Cover included: Darren Criss for Glee, 2014

“All of Me” is the third single from and sixth track on John Legend’s album Love in the Future (2013). Legend wrote it along with Toby Gad. It has become one of Legend’s most popular songs, earning an 8x Platinum RIAA certification and appearing on top of 9 different countries' charts (including the US Billboard Hot 100). Legend’s performance was nominated for Best Pop Solo Performance at the 2015 Grammys. Legend has said in interviews that the song was inspired by his passionate love for model Chrissy Teigen, to whom he got engaged in 2011 and married in 2013.

[Verse 1] What would I do without your smart mouth? Drawing me in and you kicking me out You've got my head spinning, no kidding I can't pin you down What's goin' on in that beautiful mind? I'm on your magical mystery ride And I'm so dizzy, don't know what hit me But I'll be alright [Pre-Chorus] My head's under water, but I'm breathing fine You're crazy and I'm out of my mind [Chorus] 'Cause all of me loves all of you Love your curves and all your edges All your perfect imperfections Give your all to me, I'll give my all to you You're my end and my beginning Even when I lose, I'm winning [Post-Chorus] 'Cause I give you all of me And you give me all of you, oh-oh [Verse 2] How many times do I have to tell you? Even when you're crying, you're beautiful, too The world is beating you down, I'm around Through every mood You're my downfall, you're my muse My worst distraction, my rhythm and blues I can't stop singing, it's ringing In my head for you [Pre-Chorus] My head's under water, but I'm breathing fine You're crazy and I'm out of my mind [Chorus] 'Cause all of me loves all of you Love your curves and all your edges All your perfect imperfections Give your all to me, I'll give my all to you You're my end and my beginning Even when I lose, I'm winning [Post-Chorus] 'Cause I give you all of me And you give me all of you, oh-oh [Bridge] Give me all of you, oh Cards on the table, we're both showing hearts Risking it all, though it's hard [Chorus] 'Cause all of me loves all of you Love your curves and all your edges All your perfect imperfections Give your all to me, I'll give my all to you You're my end and my beginning Even when I lose, I'm winning [Post-Chorus] 'Cause I give you all of me And you give me all of you [Outro] I give you all of me And you give me all of you, oh-oh

Halo

Written By: E. Kidd Bogart, Ryan Tedder & Beyoncé

Artist: Beyoncé

Released: 2009

One of Bey’s most vocally demanding and optimistic works, “Halo” comes off as a centerpiece in the I Am… disc of Beyoncé’s third studio album. Equipped with emotional vocalizations and angelic overtones, the song remains one of Bey’s most magnificent and impressive songs. The intimate power ballad took home Best Female Pop Vocal Performance at the 52nd Grammy Awards, and has converted over 3 million digital units thus far. “Halo” was originally written by E. Kidd Bogart & OneRepublic’s Ryan Tedder, a day after Tedder had surgery on a broken Achilles' tendon, causing the cancellation of the band’s tour. The pair drew inspiration from Ray LaMontagne’s “Shelter”. “Halo” was released simultaneously with “Diva” on January 20, 2009. The song drew critical praise, but also many comparisons and a few controversies. According to Bogart, the song was written specifically with Beyoncé in mind; however, it was tentatively offered to Simon Cowell for his client Leona Lewis before Bey had recorded it. Similarities between “Halo” and Kelly Clarkson’s “Already Gone” – also composed by Ryan Tedder – sparked gossip that he had used the same tune for both songs. “Halo” was one of 2009’s best-selling singles, and was the #1 song of the 2000s in Brazil. The music video, directed by Phillip Andelman, featured actor Michael Ealy as Bey’s love interest (he originally turned down the role in the video for “Irreplaceable”.)

[Verse 1] Remember those walls I built? Well, baby, they're tumblin' down And they didn't even put up a fight They didn't even make a sound I found a way to let you win But I never really had a doubt Standin' in the light of your halo I got my angel now [Pre-Chorus] It's like I've been awakened Every rule, I had you breakin' It's the risk that I'm takin' I ain't never gonna shut you out [Chorus] Everywhere I'm lookin' now I'm surrounded by your embrace Baby, I can see your halo You know you're my savin' grace You're everything I need and more It's written all over your face Baby, I can feel your halo Pray it won't fade away [Post-Chorus] I can feel your halo, halo, halo I can see your halo, halo, halo I can feel your halo, halo, halo I can see your halo, halo, halo [Verse 2] Hit me like a ray of sun Burnin' through my darkest night You're the only one that I want Think I'm addicted to your light I swore I'd never fall again But this don't even feel like fallin' Gravity can't forget To pull me back to the ground again [Pre-Chorus] It's like I've been awakened Every rule, I had you breakin' The risk that I'm takin' I'm never gonna shut you out [Chorus] Everywhere I'm lookin' now I'm surrounded by your embrace Baby, I can see your halo You know you're my savin' grace You're everything I need and more It's written all over your face Baby, I can feel your halo Pray it won't fade away [Post-Chorus] I can feel your halo, halo, halo I can see your halo, halo, halo I can feel your halo, halo, halo I can see your halo, halo, halo I can feel your halo, halo, halo I can see your halo, halo, halo I can feel your halo, halo, halo I can see your halo, halo, halo [Bridge] Halo Halo [Chorus] Everywhere I'm lookin' now I'm surrounded by your embrace Baby, I can see your halo You know you're my savin' grace You're everything I need and more It's written all over your face Baby, I can feel your halo Pray it won't fade away [Post-Chorus] I can feel your halo, halo, halo I can see your halo, halo, halo I can feel your halo, halo, halo I can see your halo, halo, halo (Ooh-ooh) I can feel your halo, halo, halo I can see your halo, halo, halo I can feel your halo, halo, halo I can see your halo, halo, halo

[terrence-silver]

Do you think that John and Terry’s PTSD would ever cause one of them to unintentionally harm their beloved? How would they respond to doing such things, if they have?

Yes, for example, Terry has been shown to have dissociative tendencies in (CK, as an old man) and a wild range of mood disorders (in TKK3) specifically pointing towards pathological sadism and rage, especially when he doesn't get his own way, like for example, when he loses to Mr. Miyagi. Or outright hysteria, when he's hurting someone and liking it a bit too much. I imagine Terry would be the type who's mind goes ''blank'' for indefinite amounts of time, more so when faced with something triggering and that in moments like that, he's extremely dangerous to be around because he can and will snap. Beloved can get thrown against walls, he can engage them in a fight because in that split second, he'll see them as the ''enemy'' or rather something he must conquer, he can grab them and choke them, wide eyed and feral, cackling in their face or just staring them down, appearing as if not to even register or hear their pleading and begging, or worse yet, registering and finding he enjoys it. He can bite into them, he can draw blood and scratch and bruise and rip off their clothes and just have them, refusing to stop. The next morning he'll feel rage with himself, witness all the scars beloved's riddled with. He lost control. Losing control is unforgivable. Having a weakness? Putrid.

As for John? John's complicated to pinpoint for me, but I think John's personal brand of PTSD hinges more on him being stuck in his combative state of mind. He said it himself; peace is just a lull between battles. He's still at war, you see. Doesn't matter if it has been ten years, twenty, thirty or fifty, he still has that underlining state of going on a mission and winning. He's always at war with someone, be it a rivalling dojo, a rivalling local Sensei, a kid who won a tournament over his own champion --- doesn't matter. John Kreese has to be at war with someone. Something. He treats students like foot-soldiers, a Co-Sensei like a Lieutenant or equal compatriot and fellow warrior (because that's what Terry was once) and himself as a Captain. The era doesn't even matter. So, what would beloved be then? Beloved is someone he protects. Overprotects, lets say. Beloved is the war loot. Or a war prisoner, depending who you ask. And beloved will be absolutely brainwashed into accepting that, yes, this is war. There’s danger during war. So, they best listen to him. Follow his lead. Obey him. Because otherwise, well --- As for how he responds to his own PTSD? John most likely doesn’t. John does this fully aware of what he’s tactically doing.

[realityhop]

"Does it matter if women ‘lean in’, to quote Sheryl Sandberg, and get positions of power?  These sorts of ambitions are only open to a small number of women by definition, and increasing the number of women in positions of power doesn’t seem to change much, ultimately.  Succeeding here perhaps only reinforces a particular system of domination and exploitation. [...] Far from possessing great power, men are frequently trapped in systems of other men’s making. […] Patriarchy, if we accept that this term refers to something real, absolutely hurts men too."

— Nina Power, What do Men Want? (2022)

"In the eighteenth century the conviction that man is endowed with certain rights was not a repetition of beliefs that were held by the community, nor even a repetition of beliefs handed down by forefathers.  It was a reflection of the situation of the men who proclaimed these rights; it expressed a critique of conditions that imperatively called for change, and this demand was understood by and translated into philosophical thought and historical actions.  The pathfinders of modern thought did not derive what is good from the law—they even broke the law—but they tried to reconcile the law with the good."

— Max Horkheimer, Eclipse of Reason (1947)

"Men who choose the terrain of reason, as opposed to emotion, place themselves in a position of authority.  Only someone in a position of dominance can permit himself to be calm and reasonable in any circumstance, because he’s not the one who is suffering. [...] The thing is, no one likes emotions spilling over, even less so when they’re from a woman, and so it took a long time to reclaim this anger.  Now it’s begun to find its voice, and the taboos that have stifled it for centuries are being stripped away: people have started to write about it, to reflect on its causes, to compare it to male anger.  It exists.  We must cherish this voice and feed the flames of our anger deep in our breasts, heed its calls for justice and reparations, its insistence that we not lose heart."

— Pauline Harmange, I Hate Men (2020)

"If we are to change, it won’t be through rational knowledge, but through emotionally charged values."

— Paul Verhaeghe, What about Me? (2012/2014)

"Intentions are how we enact values in specific situations.  They’re ways we turn values into action at a specific time and place. […] There is the basic choice in life: doing what matters, doing what you care about, or having your days focused on trying to escape pain.”

— McKay/Greenberg/Fanning, The ACT Workbook for Depression and Shame (2020)

"What matters to us depends on what we care for, and there is no reason that we must all care for the same thing.  Morality should be part of the art of living, not a dictatorial authority ruling over us." — Nietzsche, narwhals and the burden of consciousness (2023)

"When people talk of morality they do not know what it is they are talking about.  At the same time they are unshakably certain in what they say.  This may seem paradoxical.  But it is not, since what they are doing is expressing their emotions.  Apart from any facts they may cite in support of them, there is nothing true or false in their judgements of value.  That is why there cannot be agreement in morality.  If value judgements merely express emotions, there is nothing to agree (or disagree) about." — Feline Philosophy (2020)

— John N. Gray

"The power of rhetorical discourse is often based upon its ability to harness this motivational power of emotions to encourage new beliefs and actions.  A rhetor who wishes an audience to reject something will inspire repelling emotions, while attracting emotions will be attached to the preferred belief or course of action.  However, emotions do not guarantee action.  The larger challenge is to use emotions productively rather than simply arousing them and then leaving them to fester or dissolve away."

— Nathan Crick, Rhetorical Public Speech: The Art of the Engaged Citizen (2007)

"No one has been as effective at mobilizing popular resentment of the [Professional Managerial Class] as Donald Trump.  He merely stepped in to take advantage of decades of successful conservative propaganda positioning PMC liberalism as the enemy of the people and popular interests.  Trump never pretended to be virtuous: his id-driven politics and lack of self-control formed the core of his appeal to those who felt scorned by the liberal superego.  To defeat reactionary politics masquerading as populism, we need anti-PMC class struggle from the Left, not more identity politics, which has become just another vehicle of PMC virtue signaling.  The Democratic Party, however, is not the political organization that will lead us in a struggle against capitalism and its deeply destructive system of exploitation and rent seeking.”

— Catherine Liu, Virtue Hoarders: The Case against the Professional Managerial Class (2021)

"As long as enough people can be convinced to see men as the bourgeosie who have always unjustly benefited from their exploitation of women and women as the proletariat who have always been forced to toil and slave without benefit under the boot-heel of those privileged men, you can justify anything.  It becomes acceptable, justifiable, and appropriate for women to expropriate men's undeserved and unearned power, wealth, and privilege by any means necessary—including state coercion."

— Karen Straughan, Feminism: Socialism in Panties

[ishyaboiwhoadwoadie]

I Have Now Watched Teen Titans (2003) and Will Give You My Episode Because I Feel Like It (SPOILERS)

Worst Episodes

5. Homecoming-Honestly there aren’t a whole lot of outright bad Teen Titans episodes. The Brotherhood of Evil are good, and I love the Doom Patrol showing up. This mainly got on the list because Mento is so lethally stupid of a leader that I just really hate him in this episode.

4. Only Human-Again, not bad. Atlas is a silly villain whom I love because he’ll throw hands over losing a video game, and Keith David and John Dimaggio are a great pairing. It’s just got a dumb “Your heart will bring you through” lesson when Cyborg has a literally weight limit due to being robotic.Eh, not awful.

3. Forces of Nature-This one actually is bad. Thunder and Lightning are not engaging characters, the Beast Boy-learns-to-say-sorry subplot was weak, and Slade has a random fire demon ritual. Typical crummy Moral of the Week writing from a show that would later do great at it with episodes like Spellbound and Troq.

2. Fractured-Larry’s really annoying. There are a lot of Teen Titans episodes about reality warpers causing mischief, and Larry is far and away the worst of them, even though he’s the closest one to heroism. I will never watch this episode again, not even for sexy sexy Johnny Rancid.

1. The Beast Within-Sure, I’ll follow public opinion! The plot contrivances of ignoring Beast Boy’s toxic waste encounter and a second Man-Beast were too much for the gritty, dark tone. I actually think a full episode exploring their anti-bad guy bias when one of their own seems to turn would be a cool episode, but they already softballed it with Apprentice, so some of the impact got lost. Ah well.

Best Episodes

10. Revved Up-I love Wacky Races and Mario Kart, so an entire episode around race hijinx is right up my alley, and they play the chaos and character interplay very well. Ding Dong Daddy’s hilarious, the T-Car gradually breaks down, and Starfire and Raven get to do the one bit from Blazing Saddles. Coolio!

9. Lightspeed-I do love the HIVE Five. They’re a really endearing anti-Teen Titans, and I wish we got more of them. These perspective flip episodes are really fun, and the zany characters are a huge boost. Billy Numerous and See-More are hilarious, and Mammoth yelling “Hey, I paid for that!” was top-notch. Plus, Kid Flash was a fun nemesis, and Jinx gets to tell off Madame Rouge, that hussy.

8. Masks-Slade could sometimes get on my nerves. His “all part of the plan” coolness seemed less like a trait of an awesome strategist and more like a writing excuse at times. However, here we get to see him and Robin play manipulation chess, and having a direct opponent was an excellent choice. Plus, it has the Red X costume, and though it didn’t make the list, Apprentice also became awesome in large part because of the boost this episode gave to Slade’s legitimacy.

7. For Real-Ok, this will be the last Season Five episode. Control Freak is a hilarious villain who combines the zany reality warping of Mumbo Jumbo with the pathetic joke nature of Dr. Light into a giant nerd with a chip on his shoulder and too much power. His gauntlet match really helped legitimize the Titans East and was just ingenious in general. The gag of him expecting the main Titans and his traps getting busted was also great as was the chatroom gang. Solid episode all around!

6. The End-Trigon had a lot of setup. Zombie Slade, the occult symbols, Raven’s paranoia. With all the build, one could reasonably fear the entrance not measuring up. It did. Trigon instantly turned the world to lava and became a giant must-destroy-but-can-we freakout final boss (except for the Brotherhood of Evil) that very nearly killed the Teen Titans, and the sheer drama of it all made for some excellent villainous television.

5. Birthmark-Speaking of setup for Trigon, this is an entire episode of Slade hunting down Raven. The horror of fire demon zombie Slade and the gradual dissection of the team leading up to all the markings was a super-tense effort. This was a key moment in making us believe that we the viewers should keep watching for The End while also being a great episode to watch itself.

4. A Date With Destiny-Enough seriousness! Let’s do a prom episode with killer moths and Killer Moth. Watching Robin suffer and sulk his way through slow dances and a tuxedo before getting to tell Kitten off was hilarious, and bumbling, daughter-enabling, city-threatening Killer Moth was a great villain. Likewise, Kitten was a hilarious bratty diva who filled the villain shoes quite well. Top notch!

3. The Sum of His Parts-This is probably the first great episode of Teen Titans, and it set the formula for a lot of future serious episodes: psychological dissection of a Teen Titan. Mumbo Jumbo is fun and all, but the slow tension of Fixit trying to turn Cyborg full robot and showing how dear his humanity is was one of the more painstaking episodes, and it definitely made this into their Heart of Ice. For the thoughtful Teen Titans fan, I say this.

2. Revolution-And for the Teen Titans fan hopped up on sugar, I say this! Mad Mod’s got one joke: he’s British. It’s a joke that doesn’t last more than two episodes, but man do they get their money’s worth here. Every moment is another British pop culture reference as this loony Brit sinks his teeth into every piece of the scenery. As mentioned before, there were a lot of mischievous reality warper episodes, and this one is head and shoulders above them all. And now, time for the final crumpet of this tea time.

1. Haunted-Again, I am willing to follow public opinion. It’s just a really fraught episode where Slade becomes a horror movie ghost villain, and Robin slowly unravels. Again, it’s all about the tension of “How did he come back from the dead?” “Oh crap, is Robin going to be ok?” “Man, Raven took one in the kisser through psychic powers!” The Titans writers are very creative, but they usually save their powers for zany antics and goofball villains (which I love: see entries 10, 7, 4, and 2). However, here they use those powers for evil, and man is it unsettling. Best Teen Titans episode ever!

[writingreadingdaydreaming]

okay after your post now i feel like i can go all out asking abt pickers and rice because you mentioned before that they’re both mothers and about their pregnancies??

You absolutely can go all out, ask absolutely anything you want to!

Content warning for some discussions of pregnancy/birth trauma + discussions of medical issues

So Picker’s pregnancy is really not all that exciting in terms of actual plot. He’s with John Stones, they’re engaged, and Pickers gets pregnant around the end of the Euros (cause you gotta celebrate somehow). He’s out for the whole season, because he’s a keeper so there’s extra precautions in place cause of the nature of the position. His pregnancy is pretty normal, nothing too unusual happens. He gives birth to a healthy baby boy, Alfie, sometime around the 8-14th of April 2022. This also makes him the first goalkeeper to ever get pregnant while playing in a top five league.

As for Declan - he’s got a bit more lore surrounding him.

So he actually got pregnant as a teenager. He was 15 when he found out he was pregnant, and in this universe, this is when he gets released by Chelsea (and the reason why). He has a super difficult pregnancy - extreme morning sickness, migraines, extreme food aversion, extreme mood swings. The absolute works. Declan and his parents keep taking him to the doctor cause Declan just knows something is happening with the pregnancy or at least that something will happen. But, because of his age, a lot of doctors are judgmental and jump to conclusions, being completely unhelpful and putting even more unnecessary stress on Declan, who is at his wits end by the time his water breaks. Mason, being his childhood best friend and fellow omega, stays by his side the whole pregnancy, regularly bringing him food and medicine and blankets and whatever else he needed. Mason is also there when Declan goes into labour around the 10-15 of November 2014. Declan’s labour is TRAUMATIC. The original plan was a c-section, but by the time he had gotten to the hospital, he was already far too progressed for it to be safely set up. So Declan is led to a hospital nest, a space that doctors use to keep omegas calm under stressful circumstances by providing the familiar comfort of nesting. When he gives birth to his son, initially he’s not crying. Declan haemorrhages, and loses enough blood that he passes out, before he hears his baby start crying. When he comes to, he’s in a hospital bed, and his first thought is obviously ‘is my baby alive?’. He freaks out, and Mason and Declan’s mom have to calm him down and tell him that the baby is fine, he started crying, he’s okay, he’s just in the nursery. After Declan and his son, Callum, get out of the hospital, Declan develops a phobia of nesting due to the trauma. On a more positive note - one of his old Chelsea coaches helps his family get in touch with West Ham, who set up a trial with Declan when he’s 16, and Callum is around 4 months old. At first, they’re hesitant about giving him a pro contract because of his history and the fact he just had a baby, but when they see his obvious merit and the work he puts in to both strengthen himself and rehabilitate his body after giving birth, they keep him on. This also means that Declan Rice was the first mother to ever represent England since Ian Wright.

If you have any questions, ask away!!!

[cromwellrex2]

The Second English Civil War, April-August 1648: ‘The more is the pity, some of those parts are miserably bent to oppose the Parliament and the Army,’

Royalist Rebellions in Wales and England

Source: Encyclopaedia Britannica

THE INCREASING unpopularity of the New Model Army and the Army Council first manifested itself in what was essentially a military mutiny by unpaid troops, threatened with having their regiments disbanded by order of Parliament, in Pembrokeshire in late March 1648. The leader of what quickly became a Royalist revolt, was an unlikely enough figure. Colonel John Poyer, governor of Pembroke, had been a loyal and effective Parliamentary commander during the war, but, along with Colonel Richard Laugharne, strongly resented moves to disband the southern Welsh forces and barred the gates of Pembroke to the Parliamentary adjutant-general, Colonel Fleming, sent to execute the order. Some fighting then took place leading to the death of Fleming, possibly by suicide. With pro-Royal commoner uprisings taking place in the south of England and East Anglia, and Fairfax mobilising forces to bring the Welsh mutineers to heel, Poyer and Laugharne, perhaps feeling they had little left to lose, declared for the King. On 9th April Poyer mustered a force of 4,000 men, all wearing blue and white ribbons to demonstrate their new Royalist sympathies. Crystallising the deep dislike now felt for the New Model Army and the Independents Parliamentary faction in the country, Poyer and Laugharne soon found themselves leading a full blooded popular Royalist revolt in Wales: by the end of April, Brecon, Radnor and Monmouth were in open rebellion and Laugharne was soon in command of 8,000 men and began to march on Cardiff. The threat to south Wales galvanised Fairfax into action and he sent Cromwell to put down the rebellion with force.

The Second English Civil War differed markedly from its predecessor. The conflict of 1643-45 was characterised by regular armies facing off against each other, vying for territory and maintaining negotiations between themselves throughout. Even at its most fierce, there still remained a sincere belief amongst both Cavaliers and Roundheads that once the fighting was over, a settlement would be reached and that peace would return, albeit with new constitutional and religious arrangements in place. However, following Naseby, the complete collapse of the Royalist cause and the rise of a radicalised New Model Army to pre-eminence over Parliament, positions became entrenched. The disparate rebels now declaring for the King had come to regard Parliament and the Army as dominated by incomprehensible Puritan fanatics intent on destroying the very fabric of the Kingdom, whereas the Army were of the view that their victory over the King indicated divine favour, and those who sought to plunge the realm into war again were very literally, fighting against God. This made the second civil war a much more merciless affair, with quarter frequently not given by sides who viewed each other as morally repugnant.

Fairfax faced a war on several fronts. In addition to the Welsh revolt, rebellion also flared in Kent, where men newly converted to the Royalist cause, formed themselves into an army 10,000 strong and threatened to march on London. Meanwhile in Scotland, Hamilton’s Engager force was mustering to invade England from the north as part of its mission to rescue the King. Fairfax therefore broke up the New Model Army further, sending Colonel John Lambert into Yorkshire to defend against the Scots, while he himself remained in the capital to deal with the southern English rebellions. Meanwhile one of Cromwell’s officers, Colonel Thomas Horton, headed off Laugharne’s force at the village of St Fagans on 8th May. In a battle typical of the second civil war, Royalist enthusiasm and bravery on the part of the inexperienced volunteers was no match for the discipline and equipment of the Ironsides, and Laugharne’s men eventually broke. With the defeat of their sole field army, Royalist Welsh hopes centred on Poyer, fortified in Pembroke. Cromwell placed Pembroke under siege, and by early July, realising that Cromwell intended to storm the town, Poyer surrendered. The rebel garrison were treated leniently by the Parliamentary commander and he allowed the defeated troops to return to their homes, but Laugharne and Poyer were put on trial for their lives. Poyer was executed by firing squad and Laugharne was sent into exile. With the suppression of its leadership, the Welsh rebellion was over.

Meanwhile Henrietta Maria’s court in exile in France despatched the Earl of Norwich, a former member of the King’s household, to England to take command of Royalist insurrection there. Norwich was no great military man, but he was a charismatic individual and by 21st May, he had assumed command of the popular forces in Kent and prepared to march on London. Norwich’s strategy was to keep Fairfax distracted to enable the Scottish army to advance south and possibly to free the King from Carisbrooke. This latter aspiration was stimulated by an unexpected mutiny of the Parliamentary navy who had strongly objected to appointment of the Leveller commander Thomas Rainsborough as Vice-Admiral of the fleet. The sailors at Deal, Walmer and Sandwich rejected Rainsborough and declared for the King, placing Dover under siege and forcing the Vice-Admiral himself to seek refuge ashore. Recalling the former Lord High Admiral, the Earl of Warwick to his post, Parliament tasked him with stabilising the situation and ending the risk of the government losing control of the Channel. Warwick succeeded in persuading the key squadron at Portsmouth not to join the rebelllion on 4th June, thus preventing further spread of the naval mutiny.

Fairfax now turned his attention to the English Royalists, who, under former Royal commanders, had now occupied Maidstone, Rochester and Gravesend. After a skirmish with Norwich’s troops at Penenden Heath, Fairfax stormed Maidstone. The fighting was characterised by a street by street running battle that lasted five hours. The Royalists fought well, but ultimately Fairfax’s troops prevailed and the rebels eventually surrendered and were allowed to return to their farms. Norwich led a quixotic assault on London with 3,000 of his remaining men, perhaps hoping the citizens would rise in support, given the anti Parliamentary riots that had taken place in the capital the previous year. However, when the Earl reached Blackheath, he found the city gates closed to him. Many of his followers had deserted by now or refused to leave the familiarity of Kent. Norwich therefore slipped away with a small force of about 500 men and linked up with another Royalist commander, Sir Charles Lucas. The two combined their troops and planned to enter East Anglia where they hoped to stir up further rebellion in support of the King. However, Fairfax’s rapid pursuing march alarmed the Royalists and Lucas and Norwich occupied and fortified Colchester.

Fairfax commenced what turned out to be a brutal eleven week siege, characterised by blockade, sortie and savage fighting with no quarter given. Food ran short for the defenders and the besiegers were emiserated by constant rain and flooding in what was one of the coldest, wettest summers in English history. Lucas also turned out to be a tyrannical garrison commander. By the time the siege ended, the population of Colchester, formerly very opposed to the New Model Army who they viewed as ‘schematics’, longed for liberation from the oppressive military rule of Lucas by the very Roundhead soldiers they had professed to despise. Lucas nonetheless held firm and in the July of 1648 there were some grounds for Royalist optimism. The long awaited Scottish invasion had at last commenced; Royalists were rallying to the Earl of Holland who had raised the King’s standard in Kingston-upon-Thames, and most dramatically of all, Charles Prince of Wales had been collected by the rebellious fleet and was on his way to England.

However Holland’s attempts to raise another Royalist field army failed. He managed to recruit a mounted troop of experienced and motivated men, but they never numbered more than 500. An attempt to take Reigate Castle was unsuccessful and Holland’s force was eventually brought to battle at Surbiton Moor by the Parliamentarians and defeated and Holland was captured. At the same time the Kentish revolt had effectively fizzled out. As the summer reached its end, the situation in Colchester became desperate as hunger became starvation. Ultimately Lucas agreed to terms and the Army occupied the city on 27th August. Norwich was imprisoned, but Lucas, a veteran of Marston Moor and two other non-aristocratic Royalist officers, were sentenced to death and shot. It was a sign of how bitter and vengeful the war had become and how even the normally lenient Fairfax wished to demonstrate by example, the wrongness of the Royalist cause, that enemy commanders should be executed simply for fighting. Fairfax clearly sought to indicate that the civil war was over: any further resistance was the work of rebels resisting divine will, not enemy combatants.

The renegade fleet reached the Thames estuary but Charles Prince of Wales elected not to land. By now the Royalist cause seemed defeated everywhere once more and the hope his father’s subjects would rally now, after the failure of the uprisings was a folorn one. On 30th August a storm scattered the fleet and Charles retreated to Holland. The King meanwhile had distanced himself from the rebellions, perhaps sensing their lack of co-ordination and integrated strategy would doom them to failure. However, Charles’ faith in the Engagement remained strong. With the New Model Army now spread across the country, the King entertained high hopes that Hamilton’s forces, advancing south, could yet transform his fortunes.

[plenary-indulgence]

When your OC is enduring hardship or suffering, what do they hold onto in order to get through it? Is there a particular philosophy they reflect upon? A mantra they repeat to themselves? Or are they driven more by bitter spite? Or a stubborn refusal to allow themselves to be defeated?

(For any/all!)

thrice now i have been blessed by mimble asks and so three answers i shall give (but under a cut on account of three is a lot)

1) trip holds onto his RELENTLESS, DESPERATE OPTIMISM. he is EXTREMELY dumb but he’s not SO dumb that he’s blind to the reality of his own suffering. that being said, he refuses to (or is perhaps unable to) acknowledge or engage with it in any meaningful way. so he lies to himself CONSTANTLY and because of how dumb he is he can get away with it. if he were any smarter it wouldn’t work and he would lose his tiny little mind. his mantra is (or john lennon’s mantra i guess but john lennon doesn’t exist in ffxiv as far as we know so it’s really just trip’s) “everything will be okay in the end!! if it ithn’t okay; then it ithn’t the end!!” like if he only says it enough; he will believe it and if he believes it then it must be true.

2) maru is an empty (as in, when he died his soul dispersed into the aetherial sea like normal and this isn’t a case of reincarnation) corpse reanimated by the blessing of light so it’s not so much that he’s holding onto anything it’s just that there is no other option or alternative to enduring; his entire existence is predicated on fulfilling his purpose as hydaelyn’s chosen. at the very best of and brightest and also at the very worst and darkest of times it doesn’t (or i guess more accurately “can’t”) even occur to him to not “get through it”.

3) tatalacha is primarily driven by spite even in the best of circumstances; but when it comes to hardship or suffering he simply transcends into a higher form as some kind of psychotic elemental of pure rancor to lay waste to any obstacle (literal or metaphorical) causing him trouble and sometimes even things that aren’t obstacles (literal or metaphorical) at all but just for the sake of spiting something.

[ijustwant2write]

Reconnect-Finn Shelby x Reader

(GIF credit to @peakystitches​)

Masterlist

Tags: @captivatedbycillianmurphy​ @jenepleurepasbaby​ @amirahiddleston​ @bloodorangemoonlight @haphazardhufflepuff​ @mzcrazy2​

Requested by anonymous: ‘Hello! May i request an either tommy or finn shelby x reader? (Whicheverr one u think suits best) for this prompt i found: character A and B have been in a longterm relationship and nothing can get in between, until one day something does and they drift away. But then they reconnect emotionally and everything feels like the first time again (first kiss, first meal together etc) 🙏🏼💜 i love ur writing thank u’

Characters: Finn Shelby x Reader, Polly Gray x Reader (platonic)

Meanings: (Y/N)=Your name

Warnings: Swearing, arguing, finance issues, drinking, fluff

                                    *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"Finn, is that you?" I called out from our bedroom as I heard the front door open. I tensed up when I didn't hear a reply, only to let out a sigh when I heard him giggling.

He was drunk again, it happened almost every week now. Tommy would have given him something important to do for the gang, and whether or not Finn succeeded with that task, he would go out and celebrate with his mates. I would sometimes tag along if I wasn't tired from the week of working, but after seeing our finances, I realised we needed to stop acting like teenagers and start saving wisely.

"Hello my gorgeous girl." he slurred out as he entered the room.

"Hello Finn." I replied as I received a sloppy kiss to my forehead.

He flopped down beside me in bed, taking the book out of my hands and throwing it to the floor. Finn wrapped his arms around me, snuggling into my lap. I took off his hat, stroking back his hair. He was cold from the brisk walk home, causing me to shiver.

“You should have come out tonight." he said.

"I got off work late."

"He kept you again?"

"No, I decided to stay."

"Why? You always say you're tired."

"I'm tired because I'm picking up extra shifts and hours so that we can start saving up for a house."

"I've told you, we don't need to worry about that. Business is good."

"Finn, we're not going to be given the money. We have to earn it."

"Tommy will help us."

"He might help but he won't give us a lot. And even if he did hand us a house, we've got to have enough money for the bills, furniture-"

"It will be fine."

"Finn, we've not even had our wedding yet!"

We had been engaged for half a year. We were wanting to be married sooner, but problems arose with the Peaky Blinders it distracted us both from it, especially since our lives were in danger. I desperately wanted to have enough money for the wedding and house, though it looked like it was going to be one or the other at this point.

"What's wrong with the flat?" Finn now sat up.

"Did you seriously ask me that question? There's only so much I can do to this dump to make it look somewhat liveable. It just doesn't feel like home."

"We'll get the money. Don't worry. Look, look," he took my hands in his,"we will get a house. I promise. And believe me, I want to marry you as soon as I can, there needs to be another ring on that finger. And I need to see my name at the end of yours."

I stupidly believed him. Those adoring eyes I once trusted had lied to me. Finn kept his promise for a week at max, soon breaking it. I didn't mind him going out with friends, we both needed to socialise, I just disagreed with the amount of times he was out and the amount of drinks he was buying each night. He would always offer to get the next round, and although he was a Shelby, the discounts didn't make much difference at the end of the night. I decided I had to go with him to ensure that our money wasn't being poured away, struggling to stay awake for those long nights, and making work even harder every day. It was impossible to keep an eye on him like that.

Usually Finn would tell me if he was going out that night so I wouldn't worry. That stopped too. My mind was never at ease. How did I know he wasn't lying in a ditch somewhere after a job gone wrong? Or what if he was trapped somewhere by a rival gang? I could only rest when he returned, which he always luckily did. I pretended to be asleep, trying to not push him away as he slipped his arms around me, cuddling me for the rest of the night. My patience began to grow thin. I was too scared to speak up about it, worried that we would just end up having an argument. However, I knew we would have to bring it up soon, because our money was only disappearing instead of increasing.

One morning when I was leaving for work, I noticed that the drawer we locked our savings away in was slightly ajar, meaning someone had unlocked it and stupidly left it open. Of course it had to be Finn, no one had broken in during the night. My eyes widened when I saw how much he had taken, enraged that he would think me so foolish. Why would he take the money without asking? What was he using it for?

As I stormed towards the shop, I heard whooping from men in a car further up the street. My face turned into a deep frown when I recognised the car, managing to catch a glimpse of the people in it. They hadn't seen me, and I had to make sure my eyes were deceiving me.

I didn't care about the looks on me as I burst through into the shop, making a beeline for Polly's office. I harshly knocked on the door, entering when she called me.

"(Y/N)? What's wrong?" she asked, a lit cigarette in hand.

"Where's Finn?"

"Off out with his brothers, why?"

"Where are they going?"

"To the races."

I scoffed, placing a hand on my head in defeat.

"Why? What's wrong with that?"

"He told me he would be in the office all day today."

"So? Things change."

"No, he specifically told me that. I never even asked about it. He made a point meaning he didn't want to risk me waltzing in. That means he's hiding something."

"(Y/N), they're only going to bet on horses today. They're mingling."

"They're betting today?!"

She stood, putting a hand on her hip."What am I missing here?"

"Pol, he's using money that we don't have! I need a car, I need to get to him."

"Look, even if my nephew is being the biggest idiot, it's a bad idea to go there."

"Why?"

Her eyes widened."Don't snap at me young lady."

"I'm sorry, I just, I just know he's going to be stupid with what little money we have at the minute."

Polly was silent for a few seconds, and I didn't know if she was just staring me out, trying to make me leave. Perhaps she didn't think it was anything to worry over. But it was to me. She surprised me when she went into one of her drawers, pulling out a set of keys.

"Come on. I'll get one of the girls to call your work, say you're sick."

I tightly clasped my hands together as Polly drove. I was furious, trying to think of what to say to Finn when I got there. He stole our money. He went behind my back, gambling away the money we worked hard to earn. I had never said it, but Finn had it much easier than I did. For one, he worked with family, and although I liked my job, the boss could sometimes be an arsehole; second, he earned a lot more than me, so he was the bigger breadwinner between us, but I worked longer hours. Yes, he was in a gang meaning he had more days where his life was under threat, but he seemed to be having a jolly good time anyway. Really, it wouldn't have mattered who worked longer or harder, or who earned more, it was still our money to spend on our house.

As soon as Polly parked up, I was straight out of the car. She quickly followed grabbing my arm and warning me to not get lost in the crowds. I couldn't make a scene, especially since there could be potential business partners or enemies about. I refrained from rolling my eyes, knowing she was right but also knowing that I would find it extremely hard to not scream at Finn.

Polly guided me to where the men would be, ignoring the shoving and shouting. I wished for her to walk quicker. We swiftly entered the posher boxes, almost stopped by a doorman until his accomplice shut him up. I even heard him whisper 'That's Polly Gray you idiot.', the one time I was glad we had a reputation. She only paused to scan the room for the boys but I spotted them first. Quickly moving past her, I couldn't stop my fists from clenching, seeing Finn joyfully drinking and laughing with his brothers only added fire to my fury.

"Finn!" I snapped, quickly catching his attention.

"(Y/N)?" he exclaimed, struggling to stand and clattering the plates and glasses on the table."W-what are you doing here?"

"Stopping you from spending our money like a fucking idiot! Where is it?"

"Oh, Finn boy is in the doghouse." John chuckled.

"Shut up!" I fiercely pointed at him.

"Where's what?" Finn brought me back.

"Our money!"

"I told you, you do this outside." Polly warned, shoving Finn in that direction, and I knew I had to follow him.

Luckily, we were left alone. Finn continued on, finding someplace we would be alone. Once we were in the clear, the distant roar of the crowds covering our conversation, I saw him sigh quietly, running a hand down his face when he realised what was coming.

"Where's the money Finn?" I asked, calmer but with a mean tone.

"Let me explain first.”

"Explain how you took our money without asking? How you just waltzed out this morning without consulting me?"

"Tommy said that there was a good chance, a very good chance that this horse would win, and I thought it would help us if we put our money on it. Imagine how much we'll have if it wins!"

"If it wins Finn, if! You're gambling our money, why would you do something like that?"

"Because you went on about not having enough money! And here I am trying to help!"

My mouth dropped open in shock."You really don’t see the problem here."

"No, actually, I don't." he crossed his arms over his chest.

"Finn, you stole money from the drawer! You then go behind my back and bet it away. Have you thought about what we'll do if that horse loses?"

"But it won't, Tommy said."

"And what if Tommy is wrong this time? Also, don't pin this on your brother, I know he hasn't even suggested this idea."

"I'm not-urgh!" Finn groaned."Why don't you trust me?"

"I can't trust a gamble Finn. I don't think you realise how many nights I've spent lying awake, worried that we'll never have enough for our own home, and thinking that you don't even care anymore."

"Of course I care. This is why I've bet the money."

"How is this not getting in your head?"

"(Y/N)," he took my hands in his, but I couldn't even look at him,"in a few minutes we will hear them announce the winner, and we will start jumping for joy when we realise how much money we're going to get back, and we're going to be so much closer to getting our home."

"Finn, I desperately want to believe that. But even if we do win, you're in deep trouble." I took my hands away from him, turning around. I couldn't even look at my own fiance.

On queue, we heard a man come over the intercom, it was muffled to me but I knew Finn was listening intensely. Glancing over my shoulder, I watched for his reaction, turning around fully when I saw his expression. We had lost. We lost all that money.

"How could you be so fucking stupid?!" I screamed at him, throwing slaps onto his chest."Why couldn't you just listen to me? I don't understand why you had to lie to me Finn!"

I broke down crying, shoving him away from me. My sobs were loud but I didn't care. Finn could watch, see how much he upset me. My heart sank at the thought of it all gone, Finn had left scarcely any money in the drawer back at the flat.

"I'm sorry (Y/N)." Finn pathetically said.

"You know how you always go on about your family never trusting you enough for the big jobs? That you never get to go out with them and help? This is why. Because you do things like this, you fuck everything up Finn. Fuck!" I wiped away my tears, even though more spilled out."You know I've always stuck beside you, but this is the last straw Finn. I can't be with someone who doesn't want to put effort into their future."

"What are you saying? (Y/N), I can fix this. I promise I'll get the money back, I'll-"

"How? That took us so long to build that up. And you were spending our money almost every night on useless drinking. I can't Finn, I can't live like that anymore."

He ducked his head, and I almost wanted him to say something. When he didn't, I knew what I had to do.

I took a deep breath before speaking."I'm going home. I suggest you stay at Polly's tonight."

"Let me take you home-"

"No!"

"What's going on?" Tommy suddenly appeared, he, his brothers and Polly approaching.

"Your nephew, your brother, just gave away almost all of our money betting on a horse. Not only that, but he took the money without telling me. That was money for a house." I angrily explained.

"Is that true Finn?"

Finn shamefully nodded.

"We can get you your money back (Y/N)."

"It's not about that Tom. He's lied to me. He promised me he wouldn't spend our money every week, yet he did. And then he takes our money without asking me about it first."

"I'll fix it (Y/N), I promise I will." Finn was begging at this point.

"Another promise that you're bound to break. I've had enough today."

"Let's get you home love." Polly said, putting a stop to this argument as she stepped forward, taking me under her arm.

Finn didn't come home that night. I didn't sleep. I was sat at the tiny dining table, staring at the ring on my finger, wondering what to do. It broke my heart to think about leaving him, but it also broke my heart thinking about how reckless he had been. Did I really want to be marrying someone who acted like this? Would he mature? My heart wanted to believe he would, but my mind kept telling me that today confirmed he wouldn't. That was one of the worst nights of my life.

                                     *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

I couldn't stand this job any longer. But it was the only thing keeping me alive. It was crappy work, the pay was just above minimum, enough for me to buy food, pay my rent and have the tiniest amount left over. Saving up money was hard when it was just you. Even after two years, I didn't have enough to consider looking at places of my own, or with less roommates. It was exhausting keeping up with these girls I lived with, there were 6 of us altogether. It was a big change when I moved away from Small Heath.

"You ready (Y/N)?" one of my roommates called out to me as I finished applying my lipstick.

"Just a second!" I replied, checking myself in the mirror.

It was the rare occasion that I was going out with them, the one time we could all go out together at all. I was looking forward to a few drinks, and although that sounded hypocritical, I realised that I had to have a night or two in at least a month to relieve myself of the stress I put upon myself.

We arrived at the small club we always went to, it had the cheapest drinks this side of town. We all shivered in the cold weather, walking as fast as we could to make it to the club. The warmth was very welcome, as well as the loud music that drew us further in. It was the usual routine, a few of us grab a table, the others get the drinks in, then we would all make our way to the dance floor. Hours passed, and I had to get away from the heat coming from the dancing, stepping back towards our table to get a drink. I saw my roommate stumbling in the direction of the bar, rolling my eyes as I went to help her, perhaps getting a drink whilst I was there. However, once I got closer, I stared at the man she was starting to flirt with.

"Isaiah?" I said as I got closer.

"(Y/N)!" he smiled, bringing me in for a hug.

"You two know each other?" my roommate asked, looking disappointed.

"He's an old friend. Just that, nothing else."

Isaiah let me go."How long has it been? Two years?"

"Uh, yeah. Yeah, two years. What are you doing here?"

"Business. Nothing dangerous though, you girls are still in for a good night. Especially you if you're good." he winked to my roommate.

"Is he...is he here?" my voice suddenly went shaky, and I felt almost completely sober.

Isaiah's playful nature dropped."Uh, he is. He's really misses you (Y/N). Hasn't even looked at another girl since you left. He's just not been the same." I wasn't sure how to reply.

"I can't not tell him I saw you. Imagine if he found out, he would be so upset with me."

"I know. I wouldn't want to hurt your friendship."

"Maybe you should see him. It might do you both some good."

"Or the opposite."

"He still loves you. Even if you don't feel the same, it could bring closure. But I know you (Y/N), I can tell what you're thinking."

"You were always annoying like that."

"He's out front, in the corridor. That's all I'm going to say."

I looked at him for a few seconds, trying to make my mind up."Well, this one is a handful, just so you know."

"I think I can handle her." Isaiah smirked.

"I was warning her about you."

I giggled at his reaction, walking away and leaving him in his natural habitat of flirting. But as soon as I turned around, my stomach dropped, nerves filling up my entire body. He was here. I hadn't seen him for two years, though I thought about him everyday. Would he look different? Did I look different? What was he going to say? What was I going to say? My brain didn't want to think of any words, maybe I was about to babble absolute nonsense to him.

Upon seeing him, my throat tightened, the cool air slapping me in the face; oh, now I was sober. He hadn't noticed yet, leaning up against a wall, hands in his pockets. Wow, he had changed. His boyish charm was still there, yet he had matured into a handsome young man. It was like I was seeing him for the first time all over again. I was just happy that he would be seeing me in my finer clothes rather than catching me after work.

Urging my feet to move, I almost sighed at how small my steps were. I really was scared. Isaiah had said reassuring things, yet I couldn't even walk up to him. It was too late to back out now, especially when he finally looked up at me. I froze on the spot, not knowing what to do. Finn seemed the same way.

"(Y/N)." he said, I only just heard it.

"Hello."

Hello? Really, that's all I could come up with?

He pushed himself off the wall, coming to stand in front of me, though not too close."I...I can't believe you're here."

"I could say the same about you."

"This is where you've been living then."

I nodded."It's not too bad. I mean, I'm on a night out."

"Who are you with?"

I knew he was wondering if I was with a man."My roommates, I live with five other girls."

"Oh, that's a lot."

"Yeah, it's the only place I could afford."

"I hope it's nice."

"I shouldn't complain. A lot better than other places."

We both knew we were making an awful attempt at small talk. I was sure he had so much to say like I did, we just didn't want to dump it on each other in case the other ran away. It was like we were teenagers again, awkwardly trying to think of something to fill the dreaded silence.

"I really want to talk about us (Y/N)." Finn said.

"You do?"

"I...I just have so much to say to you. I can't do it now, but what about tomorrow?"

"Tomorrow? Tomorrow, um, yes, yes tomorrow works for me. It's the weekend, so I'm not working."

He smiled slightly."OK, good. I'll come get you. Um, I need your address."

"Oh, here." I dug around in my purse, thankful there was a folded up tissue and a pen, it was good to be prepared. I wrote down my address, handing it to him.

"I'll pick you up at one. I would want it to be earlier, you just never know what time you'll be back with this sort of thing."

"I understand Finn, I did live this with you once."

I barely slept, even when we stumbled in at three in the morning. Luckily I hadn't seen Finn, Isaiah or any other Peaky Blinder that evening, no doubt settling business behind the scenes. Despite the lack of sleep, I was wide awake the next morning, up before everyone else who were nursing their hangovers, trying on multiple outfits in a desperate attempt to look nice, but not as if I put too much effort in. The clock was rolling onto one o'clock, and my heart was beating much faster than usual. I was about to make my way downstairs when something glistened on my small vanity. Should I take it? Yes, I would.

Finn knocked on the door, and I waited a few seconds before opening it. We smiled as we greeted each other, not going in for a hug or kiss on the cheek, something I was worried about. That was the first hurdle jumped over.

"How was your evening?" Finn struck up a conversation as we walked further into town.

"Much better than yours I presume?" I smirked. He chuckled."Yeah, didn't exactly get to enjoy the music. Small fight, nothing we couldn't handle."

It was strange hearing about Blinder business again."Well I'm glad you're all safe."

"I thought we could go out for lunch, saw a nice place round here."

"Oh, that would be lovely."

"We don't have to, if you don't feel comfortable."

"No, no, no, it's not that. It's just a lovely thing for you to do."

We both bashfully smiled, luckily the restaurant was just around the corner. I had expected nothing less when we walked into the fancy place, not because I thought I deserved it, but because Finn wouldn't be seen anywhere else. His clothes were even more tailored now than they had been the last I saw him, indicating that the gang had been doing well, more money was coming in. We both immediately picked up our menus as we sat, hoping someone would speak first. Our eyes glanced over the top of them, it was as if we were on our first date again, only this time in a better establishment.

"You look beautiful." he said, still hiding part of his face.

"Thank you." I blushed.

"I'll never forget what you wore when I picked you up for our first date. That blue dress you just bought, with a matching purse, and those heels that you hadn't practiced walking in. Well, you used that as an excuse to latch into my arm all night."

I smiled, placing down my menu."It was a good plan, wasn't it? And I did struggle in those heels, I just didn't want to embarrass myself."

He copied me."I liked holding your hand all night."

"What a sweet sentiment."

"I mean it. And I mean this date. That didn't sound right, but...what I'm trying to say is that I want to make it all up to you."

"You do?"

"Yes! I really didn't expect you to leave. I mean I did, but I didn't want to believe that. I didn't want to believe that I had been so selfish that I couldn't even see how much I had hurt you." 

“That was the hardest decision I ever made. Most days I battle with myself whether I made the right choice. All night I kept making deals with myself. If you came back, I would hear you out, and if it was good enough for me I would stay. But then you didn’t, so I said to myself ‘Give him another hour.’. An hour went by, and I said the same thing to myself. That went on for the whole evening until I found myself angrily packing my things. Even then, I sat by door on top of my suitcase for another hour or so.”

“I thought you just got up and left. I didn’t realise how long you waited for me.” he sighed into his hands.“I’m such a fucking idiot.”

I could tell he was full of regret. Although it sounded sadistic, I was glad that he was upset when reflecting on our past relationship, it meant he realised his mistake. On the other hand, I hated seeing him sad. I took his hands away from his face, hesitantly reaching into my handbag to pull out the engagement ring I kept.

His eyes widened.“You still have that? I looked everywhere for it when you left, guessed you took it to sell.”

“I won’t lie, that was my intention at first. But it meant too much to me. It was like selling a piece of my soul. I kept it hidden, I didn’t want to risk any of the girls seeing it, they would just ask too many questions.”

I kept my eye on the beautiful ring as I spoke, slowly twirling it around to catch it twinkling in the light.

"I had such a hard time picking that out. I knew what you wanted, but I had to get it right for you. I'm so glad you kept it."

"I did try to sell it. I was stood outside of a shop for ten minutes debating with myself. It would have helped a lot for the deposit on the room, but I couldn't do it."

We were silent, both staring at the ring. We used to do that a lot actually. Finn would take my hand and hold it up as we laid in bed together, both giggling as we watched it glisten like it was in present times, before squealing at the thought of us being married to each other. I constantly fiddled with it when he was off on business, a habit which never wore off, even now; whenever I was nervous or worried, I would automatically do the same action, just without the ring.

A waiter awkwardly interrupted us, and I hurriedly put the ring back in my bag, sharing an embarrassed smile with Finn as we ordered. Once he was gone, I quietly sighed, looking out of the window. We were in such a nice part of town, so many ladies in beautiful dresses and men in smart suits strolling around.

"Are you...are you OK for money?" Finn boldly asked.

I was a little shocked by that.

"I don't mean anything by it. I just want to make sure you're OK, I would hate for you to be struggling, if you were."

"Uh, no, no I'm fine actually. It's not as generous as my old wage but it keeps me alive, I can live with the bare necessities."

I could see him itching to say something else, to keep the conversation going. I wasn't sure if we could go back to the serious topic we had before. However, I also wanted to bring it back up, it felt like we needed to talk about us.

"How's the family?" That's all I could come up with.

"They're fine. Everyone is the same. Well, they're not, they're a bit more serious nowadays."

"They weren't in the first place?"

He smiled."I suppose they were. Tension is the right word, tensions have been rising. Tommy's taking on a lot more, Polly knows all these secrets that no one else does, Ada is rebelling against anything Tommy says, Linda is still annoying, Esme and John have been popping kids out left, right and centre. Arthur is still crazy."

"Sounds like business as usual to me."

"They miss you too."

"Do they?"

"Yeah. Almost as much as me."

I cast my eyes down as butterflies rose in my stomach.

"I heard nothing else for the next few weeks after you left. They all told me what an idiot I was, that I was an extremely reckless, stupid and immature boy, and that I had let the best thing in my life get away from me. And they were right. I knew all of that already."

"I...I don't really know what to say right now."

"You don't have to say anything, let's just enjoy this meal, no more of that talk."

The nerves making my stomach flip built at that. What if we had nothing else to talk about? What if it was too weird to dive into our separate lives? I didn't want to sit across my ex-fiance, painfully and politely smiling through forced conversation.

The spark was still there.

When the waiter had returned with our drinks, we were already deep in talk about what had been happening in our personal everyday life. We were non stop, even as we ate through dinner. The waiters had trouble catching our attention each time they checked on us. I was deep in those eyes again, the ones I always dreamed of seeing. We were laughing hysterically, not at all acting how we should have in that establishment (there were a few eye rolls from other patrons). As if time had gone by in a second, the bill was slipped towards Finn, though I still reached into my purse.

"Are you mad? No, put your money away, I'm not taking it." Finn stated as he carelessly threw down some notes, surprisingly taking my hand in his and guiding me out of the restaurant.

I was tense as we walked, and I saw a flash of realisation in Finn's eyes as we made it outside. Both looking down at our interlocked fingers, Finn broke away, clearing his throat.

"Sorry, force of habit."

Hesitating, I smiled up at him, lacing our hands together again."These are new heels I'm breaking in. Need help walking in them."

He chuckled, pulling me closer as we walked down the street. We were silent, feeling like kids in love again. I couldn't deny that my feelings were still strong for Finn, I missed him dearly. At first, part of me had been wary of all this, wondering if he really had good intentions, or just thought he could get a quick shag in from an ex before he left; but the effort he went through, the things we spoke about, trying to heal old wounds, Finn had matured and he was wanting to fix this. I wanted to fix this, my heart was aching for my old life with him. 

“We’re not done yet, are we?” I timidly asked.

“Not unless you want it to be.”

I instantly shook my head.“No, I’d like to stay out for longer.”

“Even though you’re struggling in your heels?”

I smirked.“I know a nice place we can sit down.”

I took him to the local park, it had a huge lake with benches dotted around, luckily it wasn’t busy, there was somehow a hint of privacy here. We sat down close to each other, hands still entwined. 

“You still hungry?” I asked.

“Hm?”

I dug into my purse, producing a bag of sweets I had bought the previous day. I laughed as his eyes lit up, taking one without even asking. I took one too, reminiscing on how we used to do the same thing as kids. It seemed he was thinking about it too.

“Just like the old days.” Finn said.

“We spent way too much money on sweets back then. It’s a wonder we still have our teeth.”

 “Wish I got out of that spending habit. We could be married and in our new house by now.”

“So you never wanted to move on? You didn’t give in to those girls wanting to be with a Peaky Blinder?”

“Never. I couldn’t. I couldn’t even fathom being with anyone else, it was always you (Y/N). Did you date?”

“No, I felt exactly the same. Which is why I was angry at myself for a long time. I was supposed to be upset with you, not still in love.”

His head whipped round to face me.“You still love me?”

My mouth was still open, unsure how to answer. It seemed I didn’t have to as Finn leaned in, placing on hand on my cheek as we kissed. Instinctively I kissed back, placing my hands on him where I could, hearing the bag of sweets fall to the ground and spill its contents. This kiss was needy, the type of kiss you gave your partner when you had missed them, when they had been away for a long time; and although we had our hands on each other, our touch was still gentle.

“Get the ring.” Finn breathed out, our lips still almost touching.

I carelessly got it for him, heart beating extremely fast. He took it from me, pecking me on the lips one last time before standing up. He straightened out his suit, took a deep breath and got down on one knee. I was just as emotional the first time he did it.

“(Y/N), I know I messed up everything in the past, I was careless when I should have been supportive and helped to build our future. I learnt from those mistakes, and I really, really want to go back to how we were. I need you (Y/N), I love you so much. There aren’t enough words to express how much love I have for you. Will you marry me?”

I didn’t need to think about my answer. I blurted out a yes, waiting for him to slide the ring back on my finger before throwing myself onto him. We stumbled back onto the ground, our arms around each other as we laughed and cried. I believed him this time, I truly believed him. He put in the effort to show me his changes, he wanted to fix everything. I wanted things back to the way they were with my man, and we were back to building our future and living the rest of our lives together.

[inkandpen22]

The Princess and The Pogue (pt. 6)

Pairing: JJ x Female!Reader  / Topper x Female!Reader  

Word Count: 3.7k

Warnings: Swearing, mild smut, fluff, angst, mentions of abuse (wow a lot) 

Part Summary: The aftermath of the bonfire is pushing you to your limit. Meanwhile, JJ is slowly losing himself in his grief. 

Masterlist

You and Topper meet your friends at the Ocean Club for lunch as arranged over text after the chaos at the Boneyard. You, Rafe, Rhett, Kelce, and Topper are all gathered around the table on the patio of the club. Despite looking put-together, you're all discombobulated in the head. All of your Kook friends are startled, to say the least by the events. More than half of them have never been close to a gun and all of them share a hatred of Pogues. 

Your brother Rhett invited his "friend" Crystal.  She's been fawning after him since their freshman year. They hooked up one time and she was practically picking out an engagement ring. She hangs around Rhett, Rafe, and all of their friends, hoping one of them would show a slight bit of interest. Her bottle black hair and bottle tan scream more New Jersey than OBX, but she throws on a Lily Politzer dress calls herself a Kook. She's always been low-key intimidated by you and envious even. She wants your title of the Princess of the OBX, but she struggles to get past being an associate. In summary, Crystal thinks acting like a stuck-up brat is how to be a Kook. She's delusional.

"Last night was unreal,” Kelce exhales deeply as he leans back in his chair. 

“You know how Pogues can be,” Topper remarks bitterly, placing his arm across your shoulders. 

"Where were you last night?" Rafe questions your brother from down the table. 

"My dad had me in Charleston on business," Rhett explains with a roll of his eyes. 

Crystal places her hand on Rhett's arm, giving it a supportive squeeze. The sight nearly makes you gag. Never in a million years will you call her your sister-in-law. 

"Lucky you," Kelce chuckles. 

"Yeah you really dodged a bullet," Rafe makes a pun. 

"Nice Rafe," Topper nods his head slowly, giving his friend a disapproving look. 

You toss around bits of lettuce around your salad, not exactly hungry. You wouldn't be here right now if Topper didn't already say you two were coming. It's not that you dislike your friends. You just don't feel like a review of last night and a Pogue roast session. Topper notices your lack of voice and interest in the group. He rubs his thumb over your shoulder, gaining your attention. You offer him a weak smile, your mind elsewhere. 

“At least Maybank has what’s coming to him. Apparently, the police are looking for him," Crystal announces to the table. 

Your fork slips from your hand accidentally, causing everyone to stare at you. “Wait, what?!" You glance between the girl and Topper to see if it's true. Topper doesn't react despite seeing your worried expression. Did Topper already know this? Did he not tell you? 

Rafe frowns at your reaction and his flicker to Topper before he answers. “Yeah, people told their parents what happened and the parents reported the incident to the police," he explains hesitantly. 

"As they should!” Crystal adds with a scoff of disgust, wearing a smug expression. “Who knows what that good-for-nothing white trash would’ve done to us if given the chance!" She justifies from across the table. 

“Oh my God, shut the fuck up, Crystal!” You snap. 

Everyone's jaws drop, astounded that such a vile sentence could come from your lips. 

“Ugh! Excuse me?!” Crystal gasps. 

You lean forward in your chair, turning your body to face the entitled girl. 

“What? Are you deaf all of a sudden?" You wear a mocking grin. "Wouldn’t be surprised with your big loud fucking mouth going constantly!” 

“What’s up your ass Whitfield?!” She fires back, drawing the attention of some other patrons. 

“Your piece of shit attitude!” You bark. 

"Ohh," Kelce drags out. 

"Wow," Rafe struggles to hide his amusement. 

Topper places a warning hand on your shoulder which you shake off. 

“Why are you defending him? He pulled a gun on Topper! On you!” Crystal reminds you in a shout. 

“I know that, Genius! Considering I was on the other side of said gun!” You hiss between your teeth. 

“Then what possible justification is there for what he did?" She huffs. "JJ Maybank is insane! A trash Pogue!” 

You slap your palms against the table, making everything raddle. “No, he’s not!” 

"Y/N!" Your brother warns. "Remember where you are!" 

You don't give a shit about where you are! If this girl continues to run her mouth, you're going to do a lot worse than yell. 

“What? What is it about him, huh?" Crystal presses with a wicked smirk. "A charity thing? Wealthy guilt? Rooting for the underdog?” 

“Crystal!” Rafe barks her name defensively. 

“What?” The girl giggles. "It's true, isn't it? She's got a thing for the bottom feeder!" 

“Back off!” Topper warns her, finally backing you up. He may agree with her, but once she starts making digs at you he doesn't hesitate to put her in her place. 

Then, a lightbulb snaps on in her head. “Oh wait... or is it that you have the hots for him? Have you officially run out of guys on this side of the island? You a Pogue whore now?” She laughs mockingly. 

Having enough of her, you impulsively pick up your full glass of white wine and toss it in her face. She gasps as the liquid covers her, her mouth in the shape of an "O." The boys' jaws hit the table as all they can do is watch you toss your drink at her white tube top. 

"Y/N!" Topper utters your name in shock. This is nothing like you. You never lose your cool. You're always the calm and put together one of your friends. 

"You bitch!" Crystal nearly cries. "This is designer!" 

You groan, tossing your head back. "Oh my God! Get over yourself!" 

“JJ Maybank should be sent to jail with his dad and if he rotted in there I doubt anyone would miss him!” Crystal remarks with a snarky smirk. 

That's it! Without a second thought, you fly up from your chair, causing it to toss backward onto the floor. You leap across the full table, reaching your arms out for the girl. Kelce and Rafe move out the way as Crystal screams. Glasses and silverware fall off the table onto the wood-paneled floor patio floor. Topper moves quickly to wrap his arms around your waist, pulling you back, but not before you get a good slap across her face. 

“Woah, Woah, Woah there!” He pants, struggling to get a good hold on you. 

“Let me go!” You scream, wiggling in his arms. 

“Nope, not letting you get arrested today,” he grunts, stepping backward away from the table. 

“You crazy whore!” Crystal yells, holding her cheek. 

 “You’re calling me a whore? That’s ironic considering your name is Crystal! You were practically named for the corner, bitch!” You fire back, tossing up your middle fingers at her while Topper drags you toward the exit. 

“Damn!” Kelce laughs, covering his mouth to hide it. 

You don't care who's watching. Crystal had this coming a long time ago and she's pushed your patience to its limit the moment she touched JJ. She'll know now to never speak of him. 

“Fuck you, Y/N!” Crystal screams one last time. 

Rhett grabs her arm, quietly begging for her to stop. He's certainly pissed at your impolite actions and will likely run to tell your parents. 

“No thanks! I’m not into insecure, loudmouth, prostitutes!” You snap out one final dig before Topper gets you out the door. 

You never noticed Pope cleaning a table just yards away, you were pretty preoccupied. He watched in awe as you quite literally flew across the table and slapped a girl because she spoke wrongly about JJ. After Pope saw you with Topper, he wasn't sure what to think. He was just as confused by your relationship as JJ. The turn of events he's just witnessed sealed the deal in his mind, you're in love with JJ, whether you know it or not. 

________________________________

After his shift at the Club, Pope immediately went to John B's, knowing that's where his friends would be waiting to go out on the HMS Pogue. 

“You guys! You’ll never believe what happened at work today!” He rushes out as he jogs down the dock. 

“All the Kooks got swallowed up by the ocean?” JJ remarks bitterly in a grumble as he lounges on the front of the boat in his swim trunks

“No!” He pants as he slows to a stop. “Y/N and Crystal got into this huge fight!” 

“What?!” John B gasps. 

“What do you mean? Is she okay?!” Kiara questions as she helps Pope onto the boat. 

“Yeah, yeah, she’s fine, but it was insane!" Pope laughs in amazement. 

“What about?” Sarah inquires, eager to learn more. 

“JJ!" Pope explains with the utmost enthusiasm. "Crystal was talking shit and the next thing I know Y/N throws her drink in her face and jumps at her. She slaps the hell out of her! Topper literally had to carry her out!” 

“Holy shit,” John B mutters, wide-eyed. 

“God I would’ve paid big bucks to see that,” Kiara chuckles. 

“I can’t even envision Y/N doing something like that,” Sarah shakes her head in disbelief. 

“I know, she’s usually so polite, calm, civilized," Kiara lists. 

“You should’ve seen her guys. It was so badass. Lesson learned, don’t piss of Y/N!" Pope settles down on the bench beside Kiara. 

“It was over me?” JJ finally voices quietly. 

Pope hums. “Crystal wouldn’t stop and Y/N told her to “shut the fuck up.” 

“I don’t think I’ve ever heard Y/N swear,” Sarah admits. 

 “That’s because she rarely does,” John B adds. 

“So she’s not pissed at me?” JJ questions, his tone steady and expressionless. 

“Based on how she was going to claw a girl’s eyes out in your defense, I vote no,” Pope determines. 

JJ stands up in a rush, moving to hop down into the boat. “Well, where did she go after that? Did Topper take her home or did she-" 

“She went looking for you,” you call out from the opposite end of the dock. 

Everyone's heads snap in your direction. All of their eyes are wide with surprise. They all smile, honestly glad to see you. JJ, however, just stares blankly with an unreadable reaction. 

“Hi JJ,” you greet timidly, doing your best to smile but you fall short. 

The boy never breaks his eye contact with you as he jumps off the boat. He marches toward you and you're not sure what to expect. You haven't spoken since last night and you wouldn't exactly call that a conversation. "What do you want? Come to gloat?" He sasses. 

“Okay, that’s our cue!” John B announces, starting up the engine. 

“Yep! We'll catch you guys later!” Pope rushes out. 

“Good to see you Y/N!” Sarah adds.

The Pogues desert JJ, leaving you two to work out your problems. JJ doesn't even turn around or react in the slightest as John B hurries the boat away. An ounce of you wonders if it's because he wants to stay, to talk to you. 

Your eyes flicker down to his chest and torso. The bruises you saw last night as a tad more healed, but still, look awful. Now that his body is more exposed, you start to notice more marks and cuts all over his arms, chest, ribcage. The sight makes your heart sink. Without thought, you place your hand on JJ's stomach. "Did Top do this?" You worry. JJ's muscles clench under your touch. The feeling of your fingertips glide across his bare torso makes him go weak in the knees. 

"No, got into a fight with a bobcat. You should see the bobcat," he smirks slightly, making light of the situation. 

Your face falls as your eyes meet his. "Don't joke-" 

"Sorry!" He steps back. "Can't take you seriously when everything you say is a lie," he scoffs. 

Your brows scrunch together in confusion. "What are you even saying right now?!" 

"It was all bullshit!" He snaps. "All of it! Everything you said! You're no different than the rest of them!" He exhales deeply, taking a moment to stare at you. He immediately regrets yelling considering how guilty he felt after what he did last night. Yet, JJ's hurt and he's pent up these emotions for days now. They're driving him nuts. "You lie, cheat, you take what you want when you want it no matter the consequences or who you hurt!" 

"I never lied to you, JJ!" You defend, equally as passionate as him. "Every fucking word was true!" JJ's brows rise slightly at your use of language. It appearing so foreign coming from your mouth. You sigh, "Jesus, JJ you can be so oblivious sometimes!" You turn on your heels, marching back down the dock toward the yard. 

"At least I'm not playing both sides of the fence! I know what I want and where I belong!" JJ fires. 

You whip your head over your shoulder and stomp back toward him. "You freaking psycho!" 

"Psycho! How am I a psycho?" JJ laughs, astonished. 

"You pulled a gun!" You remind him. 

"He was drowning me, Y/N!" JJ screams, getting in your face. You swallow hard. Despite the intensity of your arguing, you can't help but feel a rush of satisfaction having JJ so close again. JJ looks to the side, taking a moment to collect his thoughts. "I'm not gonna be your little plaything while you wait on Topper of all people to fuck you again," he shakes his head, meeting your gaze again. "I won't do it." 

Your lips part, not believing the words coming from him right now. "Fuck you, JJ," you hiss between your teeth before turning again to walk away. JJ stays where he is and watches you stomp away. A part of him wants to beg you to stay, the other tells himself that you deserve everything he's saying. 

You come to a slow stop as your mind races. You're Y/N Whitfield, you don't have to take this shit, especially from JJ Maybank of all people. You spin on your heels and JJ glances up as you do. "For someone so smart you're an idiot!" You clench your jaw. "Topper is my best friend, that's it!" You reason. "Whatever Sarah told you, that was before I met you! He could never be you!" 

JJ simply stares at you blankly. The silence kills you. One minute he won't shut up and the next he stands there like an idiot. 

"The way I feel when I'm with Topper..." you sigh, unsure how to describe it. You're not entirely what to call it. "It's comfortable, sure, but it's not anything glorious. There's no excitement there, just a sense of security from knowing each other for so long." You hesitate to continue, but since you'll probably never speak again, you might as well lay everything out on the table right? "You don't even have to touch me, your glance is enough to make me feel alive. When I went to bed, I thought of you. When I woke up, I thought of you. You're... you're it for me, JJ. I can't imagine there's anything better than when I'm with you. But... I guess we already fucked it up didn't we?" 

There's a pause between shots and you prepare to walk away from JJ forever. Then, something in him sets off and he starts rushing up to you. Startled, you begin to shuffle back. 

"What are you doing?" You question, placing a hesitant hand up. 

"Showing you how much of an idiot I really am," he replies swiftly as he brings his hands up to cup your face. 

He pauses for a second, looking at you with hooded eyes. You lose all capability of breathing, melting into his hands. You glance down at his parted lips, waiting for what's next. JJ smashing his lips to yours hungrily. Without hesitation, you reciprocate the action, combing your fingers through the hair on the back of his neck.

 You meant every word. Being with Topper can be great and there's so much history there. Yet, being with JJ is entirely different. It's new. It's organic. It's what keeps you awake at night in the best way. You imagine exploring every inch of his body and never letting go. 

JJ breaks from you, pressing his lips to your forehead as his eyes fall shut. "I'm so sorry, Baby, for everything!" He whispers against your cheek before planting a kiss there. 

"Me too," you reply. 

He pulls back, meeting your gaze. "I don't think you're a slut." 

You laugh, "I sure hope not!"  

"You're too good for me," he shakes his head as he still wonders if this is all in his imagination. 

"Quite the opposite actually," you debate. 

"No, don't say that." He shakes his head frantically, hating it when you speak badly about yourself. "You're everything to me!" 

You place your hands over his on your cheek and plant a kiss on his palm, making JJ totally simp for you. 

"Do you... would you maybe wanna have a little hot tub night?" The boy asks nervously, still kinda unsure of himself when it comes to you. 

"I'd love that," you smile, wanting to spend every moment with him from this day forever. 

_____________________________

Settling in the hot tub, JJ tugs at the rim of your panties, pulling you to sit across his lap. You drape your arms on his shoulders, resting your forehead against his. 

"Are you warm enough?" He whispers, placing a gentle kiss on your cheek. 

Hum as your eyes falls shut, pondering the closeness. 

"You're so soft and warm. You're like a human Pillow Pet," he comments with a slight snicker. 

"Excuse me?" You lift your head to look at him. 

"Minus the furry part," he elaborates. 

"You're such a goof." You laugh, placing your palm against his head and pushing it away playfully. 

"Only for you, Baby," JJ grins. 

You place a quick peck on his lips before shifting to move off of his lap. 

JJ pouts, letting out a minor whine. "Uh uh, don't leave." 

"I'm just grabbing my drink," you giggle at his childlike expression. As you take a sip from your beer, you can feel JJ watching you. You glance over your shoulder and sure enough, his eyes remain locked on your ass. "You're starring," you smirk. 

"You bet your amazing ass I am," he mumbles, reaching across the water and grabbing your ass, giving it a squeeze. 

"JJ!" You gasp, swatting his hand away. 

He tilts his head back, exposing his sharp jaw as he wraps his arms around your waist, bringing you back to him. "Couldn't help myself! It was practically begging for a squeeze." 

"Right..." You nod, straddling his lap. 

As an act of retaliation, you press your palm to the center of his boxers, making the boy jolt lightly from surprise. 

"Holy shit," he swallows hard. 

"Couldn't help myself, it was practically begging for it," you smirk, repeating his words. 

"You're too good to be true," he whispers, bringing his lips closer to yours. 

"Dido," you grin, leaning in to kiss him. 

_____________________

After pondering the bliss of you and JJ finally being reunited in the hot tub, you two make dinner together in the Chateau's kitchen. You two move in sync as you prepare the oh-so-difficult meal of pizza rolls. You share a place of them while cuddling watching Goonies. During it, JJ comes up with the idea that you two should be Andy and Brand for Halloween. It makes you smile and all warm inside to hear him making plans for two months from now. It makes you fully realize how much JJ sees a future with you. Somewhere before Goonies was over, you fell asleep in JJ's lap while he was playing with your hair. The last few days have worn on you emotionally, mentally, and physically. 

The Pogues came home and when they saw you and JJ on the couch, especially you, they quietly stayed outside. Except, John B lingered, smiling at the sight of his friend doting on you. He's never seen JJ be so gentle and patient in his life. 

“You’re different with her," John B whispers not to wake you. 

JJ glances up from observing you look at his friend with a satisfied smirk. “She makes me want to be better." His fingers comb through your Y/H/C locks, utterly content. 

“I think she’s really good for you,” John B nods in agreement.  

“She’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me. I want to change, to be worthy of being with her," JJ confesses quietly as he returns his focus to you. 

"You two deserve each other," John B assures his friend. 

"You think?" JJ wonders, still unsure of his place in your life. 

John B snickers lightly. "I mean, she did leap across a table in front of all her friends and slap a girl to defend you." 

"Yeah she did, didn't she? Pretty badass," JJ chuckles, still amazed that you did that. 

"She loves you man," John B concludes with a shrug. 

"Really?" JJ narrows his eyes with curiosity at his friend. 

"Well, it's obvious isn't it?" John B laughs breathlessly with a crooked grin. 

"I thought it was all in my head," JJ confesses with a childish fall of his lips like he just learned some overwhelming news. 

"It's not," his friend shakes his head, happy to see his friend finally have some hope. "She looks at you the same way you look at her." 

JJ's brows scrunch together and he looks up at John B. "When you and Sarah said it to each other, how did you know it was the right time?" 

"You'll know. You'll feel it," he describes confidently.  

"What if I feel it now?" JJ asks softly, glancing down at you. 

"Then say it. Say it whenever you can, as often as you can," John B advises before stepping away quietly to give you two time. 

JJ sits with your head cradled in his lap. He's not eager to join his friends around the fire outside. He's content with you here with him, whether you're asleep or not. You're enough for him. You're everything to him. 

JJ leans down, planting a kiss to your temple, then gliding his lips down to your ear. "I love you, Y/N," he whispers while you sleep.  __________________________________________________

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