#Kara learning to learn herself

[rustingcat]

Chapter 3 Kara

"For years I felt the weight of Krypton, its legacy and history laid on my shoulders, and I felt like a failure for never having the chance to educate Kal. But after learning about Argo, it's like some of this weight was lifted off my shoulders, knowing I'm not the only one out there who remembers, that it's not on me. Yet, I feel detached? I don't know, it feels different from what I remember. I mean it is different, it's nothing like how Krypton was, but they are all Kryptonians. You know what I mean?" Kara turned to Lena, she wasn't sure what she was hoping to find in her eyes, but it softened the moment they met.

"I think so." Lena nodded. "Although, considering that you were barely a teenager back then, it would make sense."

"I suppose." Kara swallowed hard.

They were sitting on Kara’s couch with the plans for the machine laying in front of them.  It was two days after they had come back from Argo. Kara had managed to translate most of it, enough for them to at least start.

"You mentioned that you can basically control how the child would turn up with the matrix, right?"

"Not exactly, you can't control your child's every decision, but essentially yes. You can choose how they look, and you can choose their um… brain type? We had a name for it in Kryptonese."

"So did your parents choose what you would be?" Lena finally asked.

"In some ways, yes." She said a bit distanced. "They didn't care much about my appearance or gender, but they made sure my mind would be sharp, curious and analytical. Basically creating me to be a scientist before I was even born. And it worked, you know? I grew up loving it. As my dad said, I was the youngest person to be considered to join the science guild, and I bet I would've gotten in too."

Lena remained silent. Not that she expected her to say anything, but she wasn't sure what to do nex.

Kara took a sip of her water. Staring intensity into the plans, yet not really focused on them she continued talking. "I thought about it a lot, you know, how my life would look like had I grown up there. What could I have created, how many lives I could've improved, how much I could've advanced our species. But the more I think about it the more I realised how lucky I was to escape that fate." Kara finally dared to raise her head, meeting Lena's gaze as she felt her eyes fill with water. "Am I a bad person for thinking that?" Her voice broke as the tears started running freely down her face. 

Lena scooted over, engulfing her dearest friend in a tight hug. "Not at all." She whispered in her ear. "There's nothing wrong about finding happiness. But we'll make sure that if we ever make this public we'll do our best so that no one could use it to put more pressure on anyone." She combed her fingers through her hair to ground her.

Kara exhaled a breath she wasn't aware she was holding. The reason the plans were not yet fully translated were not because of language complications or any math difficulties, but because she couldn't bring herself to complete it. It felt too heavy of a task.

"It's just- that I love my job. I love singing, painting, and playing games with my friends and I know that I would've never gotten to do any of that had I lived on Krypton. It was all about doing your part, and not much else. And there are still many many good things that I loved about Krypton and many problems I have with earth. But I still prefer to be here, and I feel awful about it. Like I failed everyone, I failed my purpose in life."

"You are Kara Zor-El Danvers. Your name tells a journey and your journey is not yet over. You are not a bad person for having emotions. You've been through a lot and you still came out on top. You are still so full of kindness, love, and hope. How can that be a failure? How can it be anything but the greatest thing in life? You are amazing Kara and I'm sure the rest of your journey would be just as amazing."

"Thank you." Kara whispered into her neck in a sob.

"How about we order another pizza and watch a movie instead?" Lena suggested, whispering quietly in her ear.

"Yeah," Kara smiled weakly. "That would be great."

[blackbirdblackbird]

also another thing that frustrated me was how like they seemed to forget where kara came from over the years? like she could be alien but not kryptonian.

[salted-caramel-tea]

oky it’s fucking TIME to talk about mcc misogyny we are NOT dancing around it anymore .

the community fucking hates women . especially the subreddit but also the general community . i can’t talk about every women bc i haven’t watched the pov of every woman in mcc .

tina kitten. her entire mcc experience was being treated as a nerf tool by the community. she only played in a handful of events but her teams routinely credited as some of the lowest ranked teams in the history of mcc in pre-game prospects . they’ve had the LEAST chance at winning and the community commonly rests that blame on tina’s back . is tina a great mcc player? no, she hasn’t had much opportunity to learn from it or practise much. but the constant backlash she faces for being a “bad player” and a “nerf” is demotivating . and after treating her like shit people treat her like shit MORE to tell her she’s overreacting if she is upset or has a problem with anything .

but scar has similar stats . he’s a relatively new player who hasn’t had much chance to learn from the event yet and hasn’t placed top 20. but nobody ever complains about scar being teamed with anyone as a nerf . nobody complains scar is dragging the team down . same goes for people like quackity and karl who don’t regularly place well. nobody complains they’re nerfs or that they’re ruining the teams chances . and evryone is quick to comfort them if they feel bad for ‘letting their team down’

niki nihachu is a similar situation . she’s been playing in the event for well over a year now and is routinely shunned by members of the community for not playing good enough . you can argue ‘she ranks x out of 40 on average’ all you want but does that warrant the way people treat her in her chat and in the subreddit?? does that warrant the immense pressure she feels to improve and the fact that he feels she’s let so many ppl down if she doesn’t?? does it warrant people talking shit talking her and laughing at her for getting emotional due to stress over the event on stream? the fact that she’s so stressed over the event should tell you everything . people has treated her like shit since the beginning for being ‘too emotional’ .

jojosolos. girl. she came into the event as an extremely strong player. she’s placed top ten 6 out of 9 times she’s played (canon and non canon) . for canon events she has 5/6 top ten placements one win and a first individual placement . purpled has 6/7 top ten placements, one team win and one first individual placement . they have extremely similar track records . so why is it that the s tier committee is trying to hard to designate purpled as an s tier but are adamant that jojo doesn’t deserve the same treatment because she’s yet to prove herself as being an s tier player . they have roughly the same stats .

hannahxxrose . she’s faced criticism for her competitiveness over her entire streaming career . to the point where she recently pointed out that people have been calling into question her mental well-being because of her competitive attitude and loudness. some men in the community (specific ones that are hated before the game even starts) are given similar critiques but not once has their mental health been called into question. but the majority of competitive men in the community haven’t been called out on their ‘bad attitudes’, only the ones that specific mcyt communities don’t like to begin with . typically if a man gets loud or starts screaming during the event it’s funny to you . but for a woman she’s taking it too seriously and needs a wellness check .

both jack manifold and karacorvus have an average placement of 26 . kara has one win and jack has lost every dodgebolt he’s been part of . but kara faces harsher criticism bc she doesn’t have the same following as jack manifold so she doesn’t have ppl who will defend her as being a good addition to the team for something other than her ability . bc ppl will defend jacks bad placement because :o !!!! he’s playing with his friends!!!! despite having the same ability as the women that are routinely shit on .

my point is that you can say what you want about certain mcc players . you’re not gonna like everyone . but the double standards between male and female mcc competitors is very much real and a problem in the fanbase. more people are fans of the male streamers and i get that’s why you want them to succeed. but to overlook the flaws you degrade female plaster for in the creators you admire is to have an internal bias against them . if you’re going to have criticisms they’re gonna have ti be for EVERYONE who uses that kind of behaviour . and i think if we see that enforces you’ll realise that a lot of the critiques were bullshit to begin with .

and this can NOT be chalked up to the behaviour of the dsmp community alone . you’re all just as bad, this focuses primarily on dsmp examples bc i watxh primarily dsmp streamers. ALL of this happens on the mcc subreddit .

[natalievoncatte]

On Krypton, vows had meaning. Proclamations were not made lightly, and promises were not given casually. Kara’s peers wouldn’t throw one out as a reassurance, or to settle an argument. They were a logical people. They didn’t deceive, didn’t speak words they didn’t know to be true, and didn’t give opinions that were not informed. Society was ordered and regimented, and everyone put the greater good before themselves. So if you made a promise, no matter how great or how small, you would do it.

Kara learned, later in life, that a lot of her birth culture was, to use an English word that had no equivalent in her language, bullshit. Kryptonians would, she thought, claim that they had no use for such a vulgar term for cavalier prevarication because they did not practice it. That would had been a lie.

Her parents bullshitted her. They bullshitted her about the society she was growing up in. Her world wasn’t a real of perfect logic and order, it was a hidebound, decaying ex-empire that put tradition so irrationally high on a pedestal that they let their world be destroyed and all but a handful of their people wiped out because tradition said that her uncle was wrong about the planetary core going unstable.

Nevertheless, when Kara made a promise, she meant it. When she said she’d vowed to protect her adoptive home with her life, she meant it. Those words all but signed her life away in service to the cause. She was this way in everything, from saving the world down to brining Cat Grant a precisely prepared cup of coffee. Her promises meant something.

That was why she filled herself with dread the instant a promise, given unthinkingly in the heat of the moment, tumbled out of her mouth.

I will always be your friend, and I will always protect you.

She’d dishonored herself with the promise, one broken as it was made. She held Lena tight, speaking with conviction, and promised to be a friend even as she lied, swore to protect even as she deceived. It was a promise that couldn’t be kept no matter what she did.

Kara had become human in so many ways, and it gnawed at her. Another English word that had no exact Kryptonian equivalent was freedom. A proper Kryptonian would be horrified at ideas that boiled down to “I can do what I want”; I can choose my career, my partner, my life. I can put fulfillment ahead of the role chosen for me by those who know better. Yet Kara had embraced it full throated, making choices whenever she could.

The one thing she would never give up was the value of an oath.

She was over the Pacific, thinking. She would come out here from time to time to think and clear her head when the city soundscape became overwhelming, and just let herself drift in the air. There were no texts to agonize over, no emails from Snapper, nothing but herself and the lapping of waves and the distant rumble of storms over the open ocean.

She’d been coming out here more and more of late, not to think but to avoid thinking.

Because Lena knew, and Kara knew something was wrong. She could be dense about human behavior sometimes, but she was no fool… and she had super senses. She could read Lena’s pulse and see infrared flush of her skin and spot micro-movements of her eyes. Kara wanted desperately to believe that nothing was wrong but her instincts said otherwise.

When Kara told her, Lena had gone stock still and stared at her with what Kara thought was hatred, bringing tears. She’d tried to tell her how sorry she was, but Lena had just walked right past her and only later returned to her usual self.

Almost.

Kara had thrown herself into it, going on a campaign of what Alex had called ‘peacocking’ for some reason, all but burying Lena with super-stunts like fetching fresh pastries from French patissiers. Lena had smiled and thanked her but there was something flat and distant in it, and Kara ignored it and insisted that all was well.

Out here, with just the storms and her secrets, she knew it wasn’t.

Kara fingered the crest on her chest, worrying her thumb over the crimson fabric of the El rune. This meant something. It meant both ‘hope’ and ‘stronger together’; the two ideas were inextricably linked but her cousin only understood one of the meanings, because Kryptonian pictographic language was complex, and he was not Kryptonian in any way that mattered.

That was another great failing, a promise that Kara made but didn’t keep. By her people’s standards, there was no shame in that; one did not bear the responsibility of a promise made under duress, or a promise that others demanded knowing that it couldn’t be kept.

The only one she’d kept Kryptonian was herself, deep in a secret corner of her soul that meant it if she said she’d be at your birthday party or bring you a donut. The part that treated promises like promises.

There was only one way to cleanse herself, and remove her shame. She knew what it was, but she was afraid. Kara had battled monsters and gods, faced death more than once, lost more than any person should have to lose in a dozen lifetimes, but there was one thing she feared above all others.

She feared that first honest look on Lena’s shocked face more than she feared an eternity without stars. She could live in the void between realities; a void without Lena would kill her more surely than any green poison.

Now. She had to do it now, before she lost her nerve. She flew back to the city, flew hard, slowing only to land on Lena’s balcony, softly. As she raised her hand to knock on the glass of the door, she hesitated, nearly turned back.

Lena opened it, and Kara let out a slow breath. Lena was wearing only a loose, flowing floral robe, with clearly nothing beneath it. Terror made her listen- if Lena had a guest in that state, Kara might just fling herself into the sun and be done with it.

She was alone. Lena shifted on her feet.

“Why are you all wet?”

Kara’s hair was damp with sea spray and she’d flown through a few clouds on her way back.

“I like to fly over the ocean and think.”

“Well, come in here already. Let me get you a towel. Do you want something to change into?”

Kara swallowed hard. No. She wanted the honor of her family on her chest right now. She needed it to make her brave, like her father said it would when he sent her into the void. She did take the towel.

Lena had been enjoying her tea and sad breakfast -toast with jam- before Kara arrived. She left it on the counter and sat on her couch, leaving Kara to pace.

“I can tell you’re upset,” said Lena. “Tell me what’s wrong.”

“Everything,” said Kara. “I have a lot to say and I don’t know how to say it. I haven’t told you the full truth and I have to. I need to. It’s eating me alive inside.”

Lena swallowed hard, her heart racing.

“Please don’t tell me you’re Batman, too.”

“Lena, this is serious.”

Kara swept across the room and knelt in front of her, and Lena’s eyes shot open wide in surprise. Kara looked at the carpet in front of her, unable to look Lena in the eye.

“A long time ago, I promised you I’d always take care of you, and I didn’t. I was lying to you when I said it and I lied to you for years after.”

“Kara…”

“Please,” desperation choked her voice, “let me finish. I owe you the full truth. I promised, and promises are sacred to Kryptonians. My soul will be stained forever unless I fulfill the oath I made.”

“It wasn’t that big of a deal.”

“Yes it was,” said Kara. “It was to me. It was everything to me. Please.”

Lena cleared her throat. “Okay.”

“I told you I lied to you to protect you. That was another lie. That’s not why I did it. I lied because I was weak and I put my own feelings ahead of doing what was right. I was scared. I was scared that if you knew it would change how you saw me and it would change our relationship. You were the only person I could almost be myself with and I didn’t want that to change. You were a safe person I could go to without having to be Supergirl.”

Lena was studying her, a soft hint of skepticism in her expression.

Kara stood up and paced.

“I don’t know how to do this, Lena. I may act human and look human but I’m not. I grew up on another planet with another culture and so many things about this world are just totally different from how I was raised.”

Kara took a deep breath.

“On Krypton we didn’t have queerness. People didn’t value freedom of choice. You did what society told you to do. You joined the guild you were pledge to at birth and married the person you were told to marry and had the offspring you were told to have and raised them to do the same thing. The same fucking thing.”

Lena sat up at Kara’s sudden, vehement profanity.

“I didn’t know the word freedom until I arrived here. I had no concept of it. I had no idea how fragile and precious it is. Sure, I talked about it and wrote essays about it in school, but I didn’t get it. Not until I met you.”

Kara looked at Lena.

“You are my freedom. You’re the first thing I’ve ever chosen, really chosen, in my life, besides being Supergirl. It was you that made me look Cat Grant and Alex both in the eyes and say ‘no, this is what I want, this is how it’s going to be for me and it’s my choice, not yours.’ Back home I never, ever would have even thought what I’m about to say now.”

Kara swallowed, hard.

“I was afraid to tell you because I was afraid it would change our relationship. I was afraid you’d hate me because I kept the secret too long, but I was also afraid of what has to come after confessing my identity to you, Lena. The next part is even harder.”

“Kara,” Lena began.

“I have feelings for you.”

Lena went still, her eyes wide. “What did you say?”

“I want to be myself with you. My whole self, my real self. Not the person I think I have to be to please someone else. I want to tell you everything you want to know about my home and my people and my life and I want to know everything about you. I want to hear you laugh for me and see the look in your eyes when you’re happy to see me. I want to care for you when you’re sick and hold you when you’re sad and be the person that matters to you like you matter to me.”

Kara sucked in a deep breath.

“I used to think I was happy just being Kara with you. Not being Kara Danvers or Kara Zoe-El, just me… but I’m not me without both of those pieces and being without them isn’t good enough. I want you to know the real me. The girl from Krypton who went to high school in California.”

Lena stood up slowly, clearly forcing her breathing even. She adjusted her robe around herself, and looked at Kara for too long a time, silent.

“I hurt you when I promised I’d protect you and I’ll never forgive myself for that.”

“What do you want from me? To tell you it’s okay?” said Lena. “Is that what you want? Because it’s fucking not.”

Kara flinched. She opened her mouth, then closed it.

Lena had given her this courtesy and she’d give it in return.

“It wasn’t just you, Kara. I built my whole life around you and your friends and they became my friends. You gave me a normal world. I got to be a regular girl when I was with you and the others. Do you have any idea what that means to me? What you did to me when you ripped it away? Do you have any idea how you’ve torn me to shreds?”

Kara choked a little, and tried to hold back the tears, and failed.

“I killed Lex. I killed him and I hid his body, myself. I killed my brother for you. And the worst part is I’d do it again. If it was him or you I’d kill him again.”

Cold dread flooded through her.

“That was my fault. That was exactly the kind of thing that I should have protected you from, and I failed you." Kara's breath hitched as she bit back a sob. "I should go."

Lena moved quickly and grabbed her arm tight. "Don't you fucking dare leave. You can't just say those things to me and leave."

Kara's nostrils flared as she sucked in a big breath.

"Lex told me who you were as he was dying. He showed me."

Kara looked at her. "Oh."

"I started to hate you. I started to believe the things he said about you. And what happened then? You told me! You just blurted it out!"

Lena choked down a sob of her own, and something in Kara shattered. Tentatively, carefully, Kara pulled her into a gentle hug, and Lena let her.

"I don't know what to do anymore," Lena whispered into Kara's chest. "I've lost everything."

Kara held her closer, breathing the soft scent of her shower-damp hair.

"I don't know what to do either," Kara admitted. "I just knew I couldn't bear to lie to you again, even by omission. I'll go if you want."

"You're not leaving," said Lena. "I don't want you to go. Promise you won't leave me."

Kara shivered. "Lena…"

"Promise."

"I promise," Kara whispered.

[lena-in-a-red-dress]

AU where Kara is still an assistant when Lena becomes CEO of CatCo. She makes some changes but one thing Cat tells her under no uncertain terms is that a) Kara stays, and b) she's destined to become a reporter when she's ready.

I'm going back and forth on whether Lena and Kara are friends at this point, or whether Lena simply takes on CatCo before they meet. But basically I want to see Kara having to a) build new connections to get Lena what she needs and b) learning what it's like to work for somebody who doesn't treat like dirt most days.

Like, imagine her standing dumbfounded the first time she brings Lena her coffee, because Lena simply thanks her, genuinely. And then the flush of pride when Lena comments in pleasant surprise when she discovers the coffee is perfectly warm-- not hot enough to scald, but not the usual tepidness of coffee thats had to travel three blocks to get to her.

Because Cat always took those little efforts for granted, as an expectation. But Lena smiles slyly as she regards Kara anew, and says "I think we're going to work together just fine."

Because Kara worked for Cat, not with her. And that small semantic means the world. Because its true-- Cat, and now Lena, wouldn't be able to do what she does without Kara doing what she does.

And that just makes Kara want to work all the harder. She finds she WANTS to stay late when Lena does, mostly because Lena urges her to go home, and that kind of kindness is the kind that's paid back by staunchly ignoring her and sticking around anyway. And she takes extra effort to learn all of Lena's preferences and idiosyncracies, so that she knows exactly what Lena needs when she's had a meeting with that particular board member she's outwardly civil to but clearly loathes.

The first and only time Kara brings Lena salmon for lunch, she's absolutely devastated when Lena looks at it, shoulders falling. "I forgot to tell you I can't stand salmon," she says, resignedly.

Kara's eyes go wide in horror. "Oh! No, that's okay, I'll just go--"

"Please don't bother, it's my fault, I never told you--"

"It's no problem at all. Just-- wait here okay?"

As if Lena would be anywhere but her desk. But in ten minutes, Kara returns with a greasy paper sack.

"I promise, this isn't a punishment for needing something last minute," Kara says quickly. "These are legitimately the best burgers in the city, and honestly, it's the greatest gift I could ever give you."

Okay. Maybe she's laying it on a little thick. But Lena only looks at her with a bemused smile. "All right," she slowly agrees. Her eyebrow quirks. "I'm assuming you picked up something similar for yourself?"

Kara blushes. "Yeah. Can't help myself."

"Good. Then you can eat with me."

Freezing, Kara feels like a deer in the headlights. For all that Lena has treatedher as an equal, they've never eaten together in the same room. They usually eat at their own desks, working through.

"Really?"

"Really." Lena's gaze turns artificially solemn. "If I'm going to have a self-induced heart attack, I better have someone there to call 911."

Unable to keep herself from grinning, Kara scuttles to retrieve her own burger and fries from her desk. And there, together, they share the first of many, many meals to come.

[fazedlight]

“KARA!” Lena screamed. I killed her, Lena grieved.

She didn’t have time to linger as Eve attacked her again, Lena throwing one last punch before she found herself scrambling out of her jet. The explosion killed her, Lena’s mind shouted, thrashing in agony, a litany of damnation that she should never have brought Kara to Kaznia in the first place. It’s all my fault.

But to her astonishment, in the dark, a figure shifted ahead - blonde and burning and bright, and Lena thought for half a second to run back for the fire extinguisher, that Kara might be saved.

But as the figure turned, somehow unaffected by the flames that adorned her like a god, Lena halted. Kara looked concerned, confused. But she didn’t look injured.

Lena’s eyes drifted lower, to the bright S now etched on Kara’s chest, solid blue emerging amidst her burnt clothing. “Kara…”

“Lena,” Kara breathed, reluctance written on her face.

Lena hesitated a moment longer, before taking step after careful step, approaching the reporter as the embers continued to burn across her body. Lena’s hand drifted to the top of the suit’s crest, just below Kara’s neck, where yellow met red. Oh.

It was too much - the whiplash of the explosion, thinking that Lena had carelessly killed her best friend, to realizing that the reporter had once thrown that’s not a great question for a Luthor to ask someone in my family back in her face.

Kara Danvers was her best friend. Did she ever really exist?

“Lena…” Kara whispered again.

Lena dropped her hand, her eyes raised to Kara’s, looking her over again. “Don’t,” she said. Without another word, Lena turned on her heel, and went back to her jet.

-----------

The flight back from Kaznia was longer alone.

Plenty of time for Lena to fume and grieve, for her to rage internally at weathering yet another deceit. Kara Danvers - or whatever the hell she was really called - had used her, betrayed her, spied on her. 

Somewhere in the back of Lena’s mind, there was a different acknowledgment - that her glide ratio in her custom-designed jet was good, but not good enough to reach the Kaznian runway when the engines had failed. That her assumption at the time that mountain updrafts had saved her ran contrary to the now-more-obvious explanation - that the kryptonian had saved her from aviation incidents three times now. 

Lena looked out the side of the window, where dawn was slowly rising. She desperately needed sleep, but was too wired from watching her best friend be blown up - and then revealed to be a traitor - and sleep was just… not going to happen. 

Lena could swear that she was seeing glints of red and blue, just behind her plane, a kryptonian possibly trying to stay out of sight while still being protective. It was infuriating.

-----------

It’s not Kara, Lena’s mind begged, trying to convince herself that the dead kryptonian was the clone she had learned about in Kaznia. It can’t be Kara.

It was with overwhelming horror that Lena watched the footage of Kaznia’s failed invasion, her brother parading around a dead kryptonian in his lexosuit arms, the supposed traitor Supergirl. 

He was a hero. For killing her. It can't be Kara. It can’t it can’t it can’t-

Trying to still her trembling fingers, Lena picked up her phone, trying to figure out what to text, what to say, anything to get a response from the kryptonian that she had shut out. Operating out of instinct more than logic, she pressed Kara’s name to start a call instead, holding it up to her ear, her stomach twisting with nausea.

But luckily, it only took one ring before Lena heard a familiar voice on the other end. “Lena,” Kara said softly

Lena pulled the phone away, and hung up.

-----------

There was no other choice in her mind. Not when Lex had regained legitimacy in the eyes of the country by “saving” it from Supergirl’s attack. Not when Lex sought to commit a secret genocide to solve the energy crisis and be named a hero. Not when Lena was the only person who would know where Lex would go.

Not when all Lena could see was Lex cradling Red Daughter in his arms.

The image was burned into her mind, and all Lena knew was that Kara was next - Lex would not rest until every kryptonian was gone. And Kara would be too kind and noble to seek anything but legal justice. But that wasn’t Lena - it wasn’t Lena when she decided to kill Morgan Edge, it wasn’t Lena when she decided to kidnap her mother from prison and poison her, it wasn’t Lena when she tucked her gun in her belt that morning.

A single bullet to the head, and Lex was gone.

-----------

Kara’s door opened just a few seconds before Lena reached it. Lena supposed Kara could hear her down the hall.

Lena ignored the shock and concern on Kara’s face as she stepped inside, making her way to Kara’s window as Kara closed the door. Truth was, she still couldn’t face Kara at all.

“I’m sorry, Lena,” Kara started. “I tried to save-”

“Don’t,” Lena said.

Kara grew quiet, flanking Lena’s side, joining her as Lena stared out onto the streets below. Lena shifted. “I thought she was you,” Lena said. “When Lex killed her, I thought she was you.”

She could feel Kara shrink, uncertain of what to say, of how to move forward. And maybe Lena didn’t know either. But she could try. If… “Is Kara real?” Lena asked, her voice cracking. “Or just a mask?”

“I’m real,” Kara whispered, prompting Lena to finally turn. And Lena couldn’t help herself, seeking the warmth of Kara’s arms, the kryptonian all too happy to wrap Lena in a tight hug as Lena stepped into it. “I… sometimes I feel more real with you than anyone else.”

Lena swallowed harshly, burying her face into Kara’s shoulder, holding back a tremble. “I want to believe you.”

“I’ll spend a lifetime trying to prove it,” Kara whispered. “If you’ll let me.”

Lena took a slow, trembling breath. “Okay.”

---------------------------------------------------------------

Idea taken from a tweet I saw floating around. If you're interested in a longer season 4 reveal, I also wrote No One and Nothing.

[suzukiblu]

updated/expanded "Kara gets to Earth on-time with baby Kal" AU excerpt:

Kara doesn’t understand the aliens’ language, which is fine. She didn’t expect to. She watches them interact and listens as they speak, familiarizing herself with the cadence and pitch and rhythm of their voices and doing her best to pick out individual sounds and patterns. She likes languages well enough. She did pretty well with Daxamite dialects in school last year, anyway. 

The aliens are kind, at least so far. They found her and Kal curled up in the remains of their smashed-up ships in their ruined field and brought them into their home despite the mess. Kara thinks they’re farmers, probably? So probably Laborer Guild, or whatever this planet has instead of Laborers. The House of El is mostly Thinkers, but Kara isn’t worried about that. She’ll figure something out, as soon as she figures out how to communicate with the aliens. Pantomime has not been all that helpful, at least not so far. 

They gave her a warm, unusually sweet drink that might have some kind of milk in it, with soft white pellets in it that are even sweeter. It’s not quite like anything she’s ever tasted before, but she likes it. Kal really liked it, though the aliens seemed to think he shouldn't have too much and gave her a little cup of just milk alone for him instead. Or she thinks it's milk, anyway. 

It's white. And very thick, and almost creamy? Though it tasted good too, when Kara stole a sip to make sure it wouldn’t upset Kal’s stomach if she gave it to him. 

"Pye," the alien that Kara is assuming is female announces in their weirdly simple-sounding language, putting a round plate with a slice of something on it on the table in front of her. Kal reaches for it from her lap with a burble. Kara peers at it too. The slice is triangular, with a crisp crust and an oozy red filling. She wonders why the plate is round, if the "pye" is meant to be sliced and served triangularly. It seems a little disrespectful to the cook–or baker? Or at least the artisan who made the plate, which was clearly painted with very dedicated care. Painted by hand, even, not a pre-programmed design reproduced by a machine. That’s very luxurious for Laborers to be offering unexpected guests who just destroyed their field, even being the wrong shape for the "pye". 

Maybe they’re overcompensating, Kara thinks. Or maybe the aliens are really just that kind. 

Maybe. 

She thinks they’re little flowers, the designs around the edges of the plate. Or at least they look like they could be flowers. They’re flower-<i>like</i>, if nothing else, and all the weird colors of them might just be a stylistic choice. 

They’re pretty. 

She wishes she could show her mother. 

Kara crushes down the grief for the thousandth time and smiles at the aliens. They smile back. 

It helps, almost. 

Almost. 

The “pye” tastes very good. 

.

.

.

It takes some effort, but Kara learns the aliens’ names after she and Kal finish their “pye” and she cleans up his sticky little face. The possibly female one is “Ma Mar-Tha”, and the possibly male one is “Pa Jona-Than”. So . . . maybe they're both female, actually? Going by their names, anyway. They both identify themselves as “Kent”, too, though she’s not sure if that’s another name and they’re either married or related, or if it’s the local word for “farmer” or “Laborer”. It’s unclear. 

They don’t look related, but she doesn’t really know how “related” this species would look to her eyes anyway. The colors of their skins are close, although their hair, though similarly textured, doesn’t really match–Ma Mar-Tha’s is an oddly neutral brown, and Pa Jona-Than’s is an even more oddly dull blond. Kara’s never seen hair in such faded colors. Her own is as bright as this planet’s strange sun, and Kal’s is as black as the space between stars. And both of their eyes are the El blue, of course. 

Pa Jona-Than’s eyes are blue too, but a washed-out shade of it. And Ma Mar-Tha’s are brown, which is so exotic and unusual that Kara has a little bit of trouble not staring too much. They’re very warm and very soft, though, and she likes how they look. 

They’re both middle-aged, she thinks, or at least strongly resemble the Kryptonian version of it. Their clothes are soft and shapeless, with very little structure or sign of formality to the garments, though Kara supposes they might be some sort of sleepwear? She and Kal did crash very early in this planet’s morning, from what she can tell. 

She tells them her name and Kal’s, though they pronounce them a bit oddly. She’s sure she’s pronouncing theirs oddly too, so it’s not as if it’s an insult. They say their names all at once, though, as if they’re singular words–"Karazorel” and “Kalel”, almost. She manages to get them both down to “Kara” and “Kal”, and they get her down to “Ma” and “Pa”, so she supposes “Mar-Tha” and “Jona-Than” are their surnames, and “Kent” does mean “Laborer”. Kal isn’t verbal enough to get to any of it, of course, but laughs sweetly and claps as he listens to them all exchanging names and sounds back and forth. 

Kara crushes down the grief again and wonders how long it’ll be until he cries for Aunt Lara and Uncle Jor. He’ll miss them soon, she’s sure. He’s a sweet, good-natured little thing, but he’s not even old enough to walk properly yet. And they’re his parents. 

She only hasn’t cried for her own because she doesn’t have the room to. Not until she’s sure they’re somewhere safe, and that Kal is going to be alright. That she can take care of him here, however she has to. 

Who knows, maybe this farm needs some more “Kents” on it. 

.

.

.

Ma gives Kara clothes: a strangely soft knee-length dress patterned with more pretty alien flowers and clunky, heavy boots with actual laces in them and a sturdy blue jacket with a surprising amount of pockets and a thick, warm, fleece-like lining, accented with flat metal studs and an odd metal trim with a tag hanging from one side of it. It takes Kara a moment, but then she realizes the trim actually seems to be some sort of fastener. 

Huh. 

The clothes don't fit quite right–Kara thinks the dress is probably meant to be a little longer, from the cut of it, and the jacket is a bit too big and the boots are a little loose too–but she does appreciate them. She's been in her own clothes since . . . 

Krypton died while she was in these clothes. 

Everyone she's ever loved, everyone she's ever known, everyone she's ever seen . . . 

Kara appreciates the new ones. 

. . . although, do clothes on this planet just not have house crests? Or are Ma and Pa just not from families that have house crests? 

She supposes they might not be. They are Laborers, so . . . maybe. But they also served her on a hand-painted plate, if with strange manners, so she's not sure what to think. 

Maybe she just doesn't understand the specific signifiers in their clothing, or maybe their house signifiers are just in their jewelry. Ma is wearing tiny gold hoops in her(?) ears and a thin gold necklace and Pa is wearing a thick leather bracelet with a glass and metal circle in the center of it, and they're both wearing gold rings on the third fingers of their left hands. Pa's is just a single plain band, but Ma has two–one just plain like his(?), but thinner, and one with a trio of little clear gemstones set in it. Diamonds, maybe? That would make sense, for a Laborer's jewelry. Diamonds are pretty, but they're both reasonably common in nature and simple enough to recreate under laboratory conditions, so they're certainly affordable enough for a farmer to wear even day-to-day. And they're sturdy, too. Gold less so, obviously, but maybe the rings are just gold-plated or an alloy.

It's something to think about besides the end of the world. 

. . . their world, anyway. 

As far as clothes go there's nothing that'll fit Kal at all, so Kara just keeps him wrapped up safe and secure in the bright red El crest blanket Jor and Lara sent him here in. Though she knows he'll need more diapers soon, obviously, and something he can actually crawl around in too. He can't stay in her lap forever. 

She wishes he could, right now. Even letting Ma hold him while she changed was . . . stressful. 

A little too stressful, maybe, but Kara tries not to think about it. Not right now, at least. 

She needs to protect him. Needs to take care of him. Needs to–

Kara exhales. Wraps Kal up in his El crest blanket and her borrowed jacket, and smiles at Ma and Pa. They smile back at her. 

Well, that's a start. 

[trashpandato]

Morning

Despite what people might assume, Lena Luthor is not a morning person. 

Yes, she is awake at 5:30 am most days and at the office before 7am. And yes, that usually means she operates on much less than the recommended eight hours of sleep. She has trained herself for years to function like this, to be productive and effective well before most people crawl out of their sheets in the mornings.

But that doesn’t mean she likes being awake this early.

Kara has learned long ago that Lena is mostly non-verbal before her first cup of coffee at home, that there is a window of time after that coffee when it’s best not to say anything to her because Lena has an uncanny ability to turn even the most mundane sentences into an all-out argument. Kara also knows that Lena spends her mornings in her head, going over the day ahead, rehearsing speeches she needs to give, running through plans for board meetings, mentally preparing for each and every item on her schedule that day. So it is not the best time to ask or tell Lena anything —there’s a good chance she won’t hear it or won’t remember later.

Weekends are a little different. There is less of a schedule, less pressure to be at the office at a specific time, but the general rules still apply: don’t talk to Lena before her first coffee, keep conversations light and shelve important information for later.

It’s a routine that Kara knows well, has known it for a number of years now. So she is a little taken aback when she gets out of bed one Saturday morning to find Lena in the kitchen, with a warm smile, holding out a coffee for Kara.

“Good morning, darling.”

“Morning,” Kara mumbles around a slight frown. “How long have you been up?’

“Not long,” Lena says, and Kara can hear some nervousness in her voice but she still seems a lot more chipper than normal.

Kara nods and accepts the coffee. 

“So, I was wondering, well, I have some thoughts for what we could do today, but I have a question for you first,” Lena starts, and her words are uncharacteristically rambly. 

Kara isn’t entirely sure what’s going on. “Okay?”

She watches Lena fiddle with her fingers and there’s an overall high-strung energy about her that is highly unusual for this time of day.

“Okay. So. Here’s the question.”

And Kara doesn’t hear the rest because her own heartbeat roars loudly in her ears when Lena drops down on one knee in front of her and holds out a bracelet and a ring. She knows Lena will tease her about it for the rest of her life, (“I had the best proposal speech and you didn’t hear a single word of it.”), but right in this moment, all she cares about is seeing the hope and love on Lena’s face and the way tears spring to her eyes as soon as Kara cuts her off and blurts out a loud “yes! Yes, of course, yes.”

Best morning ever.

[karalovesallthegirls]

After years of pain and love and slow-building hope, Lena and Kara marry.

They are so in love Lena can hardly breathe sometimes from the weight of it. Life has meaning, the world is beautiful. Somehow, despite the odds and atrocities constantly suffocating her, Lena was blessed with her happy ending. The one sweet reward she’d ever had. They were so happy together, always waking in each others embrace. Always sharing kisses and giggles and sighs between work and warfare. They’re so happy that morning that Kara is called to the pier. Some dispute between aliens, nothing to worry about of course - they just need Supergirl to make sure it stays civil. She kisses Lena on the cheek that morning, promises to bring her lunch when she’s done, and then never comes back.

They don’t have an answer for Lena. Even after years of investigation and analysis, no one can tell her what or why it happened. All they can say is one moment Supergirl was there, and the next she was gone. There’s no body, but the Geiger readings are so high they say the Kryptonite must have melted her in a flash. One minute she’s there - her wife, her hero - and then she’s gone. Taken from the universe forever. Taken from Lena.

It nearly kills her, too, the loss. Kara was the one light she had in this life, and it was snuffed out like nothing. She almost lets it kill her. She wants it to, really, but Kara’s voice in her heart won’t let her give up. Despite her deepest desires to be with her wife Lena pushes on. She spends years pulling herself back from the brinks of despair and rebuilding herself into a new Lena. Not the same one, never the same without Kara, but something close. She finds a way to bear the pain. What Kara would have wanted.

And then, as unexpectedly as her second love had, her first returns to her. Slowly, somehow, Andrea finds her way back into Lena’s life. She’s different now, too, and Lena learns she’s lost her life’s light as well. Lena would recognize that look in anyone’s eyes. There’s no hiding a lost love like that. But Andrea has had longer in her grief, her scars less raw. She’s able to hold her pain and still hold Lena, too.

Andrea is remorseful and repenting and so acutely aware of the new scars Lena carries, and in her own twisted sort of way she’s good for Lena. No one else can see Lena like Andrea does, no one else can stare into the depths of her sorrow without flinching. The world mourns Supergirl, and the few mourn Kara Danvers, but only Lena mourns her wife. Alex mourns her, of course, as do their friends, but not the way Lena does. Never that way. There is a hole in her chest that will never close, and no one else will ever fill it.

And Andrea knows that. She never tries to fill it, never tries to replace. She holds Kara in her heart with a begrudging reverence. She knows the only reason she has Lena is because of Kara. Because she died, yes, but more so because she loved her. Her love opened Lena up again. Gave her hope. Made her believe in second chances. Kara was the light, Kara was the greatest lover and friend and hero anyone could have. She’s a dead god, and Andrea finds herself a parishioner.

Andrea loves Kara, in her own way. She’s an aspiration, a tormentor, a ghost that haunts the halls of their life. She’s in every embrace they share, every whispered word. When she finally convinces Lena to marry her, their wedding photos hang proudly beside those from her wedding to Kara. They both mention Kara by name in their vows. Kara is as real in their relationship as she is. And it works for them.

The jealousy is always there, what with living in the shadow of a fallen superhero, but it’s manageable. She knows she can win against a dead woman. And the pain and humiliation and constant pick of jealousy at the back of her skull is worth it because Lena is worth it. No one is worth more than her. And Andrea tries to make her happy - she promised that to Kara in her vows, after all. She made vows to Lena, and then made vows to Lena’s love: I will honor and cherish her as you would. I will protect her as you would. I will love her with all I have, as you would. I know the shoes I’m filling, and I will spend my life proving I’m worthy.

Andrea meant her vows and she keeps them. She loves Lena, and in her own way Lena loves her, and it’s enough. She’s happy. Andrea is so happy, and sometimes she sees that happiness in Lena, too. They build a life together and it’s good.

Then one day, Kara comes back from the dead, and everything falls apart.

[jazzfordshire]

Oooooh, that paladin/new god post... for a SuperCorp AU, which would be which? My first inclination is divine Lena and paladin Kara, but I think an argument can be made for the other way around.

I think either could totally argued, but Paladin Kara is too good for me not to kind of spiral and write Lena as the goddess of Death so!!!! This isn’t much like the original post prompt but it’s where my brain went 🤷‍♀️

-

As one cursed with eternal life, it was only a matter of time before Death tried to come for Kara. 

She sees the goddess for the first time as she’s sitting on a fallen tree, trying to dig a knife out of her back. She’d intervened in a roadside robbery out of pure instinct more than anything else – she prefers to keep to herself, for the most part, and has done so for years beyond counting – and she hadn’t been expecting this band of brigands to have a fourth member hidden in the woods. He’d caught her by surprise. Leading to her current predicament. She hadn’t even noticed the blade sticking out from between her shoulders until after she’d sent the thieves running and the victims on their merry way, and now it’s stubbornly lodged in a place she can’t reach.

Death stands in the shadows. Her dress is (unsurprisingly) black, her long dark hair framing a face Kara can’t quite see. She reminds Kara of the night. A foreign concept, here - the sun of this world never moves from the centre of the sky. Always beaming straight down. It focuses on this half of the planet, leaving the other half dark and dead rather than simply deigning to set for half the day to share its light. It leaves the world’s denizens thinking the globe is flat. A ridiculous notion.

The god of the sun had been benevolent on Kara’s world. Not here. 

“I’ve been watching you,” the goddess says. Her voice echoes, clouds around Kara’s senses like a flock of ravens. “You’ve walked this earth for 120 years and haven’t aged a day. You should be dead. Why is your name not on my list?”

“I’m not of this earth,” Kara says distractedly. The voice should send shivers down her spine, but as her spine is currently being scraped by sharp iron she has bigger fish to fry at the moment.

“That much I do know,” Death says coldly. “Your gods are dead.”

The reminder makes Kara’s chest ache. An echo of her dead planet, more dead even than the darkened half of this one. Reduced to rubble. But she smiles through it.

“They are.”

“That shouldn’t mean you can evade death. In any realm.”

“Evade is a funny word for being kept from something,” Kara says, gritting her teeth as her fingers brush the knife’s handle without grasping it. Every time she twists her arm to do it, it sends a shot of pure pain through her. “Could you maybe help me with this?”

“You want to die?” Death asks. Her voice is changed, now – the smoky effect drops, as if it was an affectation interrupted by her shock.

“Would love to, actually.”

“So, how -”

“Ask your brother,” Kara says cheerfully. She knows the pantheon of this world almost as well as her own, now. Learned that hard lesson when she arrived here alone, on this world where the sun never sets. She knows the familial ties that bind the gods. There were many once, one for every little thing one might need to pray for, but now there are but two. Lex, the sun god who provides life, and his unnamed sister the goddess of Death. 

Death scoffs. “What does my brother have to do with this?”

“He cursed me,” Kara says, finally turning in her frustration to a nearby tree. Bracing for pain she rubs her back against it, strafing until bark hits blade and the pressure slides the knife free. The wave of pain eases into relief as soon as it’s gone, and in moments the wound has stitched itself up. “With eternal life. Cursed never to see my dead family in the afterlife. Clever, right?”

“That’s not possible,” Death says slowly. “He can’t supersede my domain.”

“Well, he has,” Kara says, nodding her head half-respectfully in Death’s direction before gathering up her things and heading back to the road. She has nowhere in particular to be, but walking gives her a sense of purpose even so. “So take it up with him.”

The goddess disappears in a dramatic wave of black smoke. And that, Kara thinks, is the end of that.

-

Kara meets the goddess of death again 3 years later. She’s busy putting out a house fire, one that might have overtaken the entire village if left to grow – she’s the only one braving the flames when everyone else has run to safety. The fire sears her palms, leaves shiny red welts that disappear the moment they see the rays of the sun, but it hardly registers as pain anymore. She’s grown used to it in the last few years.  

Saving people in need means a lot of injury.

When the flames are dampened and she’s left pouring water on the cinders, she moves a crooked pile of rubble to find the dark goddess sitting with graceful poise on the charred remains of a wooden table. Even in the eternal sunshine, darkness sits around her like a heavy cloak. 

“Fancy meeting you here,” Kara says. She brushes the ash from her hands, gesturing at her soot-stained face. “Sorry about the mess.”

“He shouldn’t be able to do this,” Death says. Kara can detect none of the echoing dramatics her voice held during their last meeting – now her tone is clear and sharp. Low and a little raspy, maybe, but not in an unpleasant way. Quite the opposite, in fact.

“Shouldn’t, but did,” Kara says, shrugging and moving to pass around the table. “If you’ll excuse me?”

The goddess holds out a hand, and Kara’s way is blocked by a dark cloud of energy. Kara sighs.

“I don’t know what you’re expecting me to do,” Kara says, with a little more steel to her voice. “I’d love to help you out and go into the great unknown or whatever it is that you do, but I can’t die. Believe me, I’ve tried.”

“Why did he curse you?” Death asks.

“Because he is the great Lord of the sun on this world, and honouring Rao dishonours him,” Kara replies heavily, leaning against a very unsteady beam. It’s hot against the skin of her arm. “He took offence to worship being given to another when I first arrived here. Even a dead god.”

The goddess is quiet. Embers crackle and settle around them - the orange glow lights the angles in her face through her cloak of shadow, though the details are still obscured.

“Did you know that the sun moves on most worlds?” Kara says. The goddess doesn’t move. “Rao didn’t control the sun. He was the sun. He moved through the day to cover the whole planet. There’s no night-time, here.”

“Yes,” Death says softly. “My brother likes to be the centre of everyone’s sky.”

“Except the dark side of the planet.”

Death doesn’t answer for a time. Shadows curl around her, licking at the surface of the table like dark flames.

“Most would covet eternal life, you know,” Death finally says. Her voice is curious. “Most hate death as a very concept. Hate me.”

Kara folds her arms. She looks directly at Death, focused on where her eyes should be.

“I’m not most.”

After a beat the goddess disappears, leaving Kara alone in the ashes.

After that day, Kara can almost feel the goddess watching her every time she survives something that should kill a mortal. Every time she heals a fatal wound, or lets another birthday pass her by without a sign of age. But for years the goddess leaves her alone. It’s another 21 before Kara sees the goddess of death again. 

This time, Kara is almost sure she’s finally managed it. She dove deep to pull someone from the remains of a shipwreck, and after sending them to the surface for rescue she stayed underwater. Letting her air run out slowly, feeling her lungs fill with seawater. Choking in the dark. Blackness creeping in, the world getting fuzzy, her family’s faces swimming before her eyes as she feels the first spark of hope she’s felt in over a century -

She wakes to hot sunlight, sand under her back, and the goddess of death looking down at her from a regal seat on a beached crate of supplies. Her dark hair is framed by midday sun, her pale skin luminescent and stubbornly resisting its rays. For the first time, Kara can see the details of her face. She’s as flawless as a goddess might be expected to be, each feature carved and tying together a picture worthy of worship. And her eyes. They waver back and forth in colour, once blue and now green, like shades of the ocean reflected by different skies. 

She’s beautiful. And she’s looking at Kara like she’s a stubborn puzzle-box, refusing to give up its secrets. 

“Damn,” Kara says, coughing up several mouthfuls of salty water and turning over to spit them into the sand. “I came close that time, didn’t I?” 

“I don’t understand you.”

Kara flops back. Her lungs are burning, and she can already tell it’s going to be hell to get all this sand out of her clothes. “Yeah, I don’t understand me either.”

“You could be living a life of selfish pleasure. Endless pleasure,” Death says. There’s a crease between her brows that, in her drowning-induced delirium, Kara wants to smooth with a finger. The first hint of imperfection in her limestone face. “You could accrue wealth and fame and followers. You could live the life of a god on earth if you wanted, and yet you spend your time throwing yourself into danger for others.”

“Why not?” Kara says, sitting up and feeling each vertebrae pop back into place. “I can’t die. I can do things others can’t.”

“So instead you aim to eliminate names from my list.” The goddess doesn’t look angry. Just confused. “Today three names disappeared before I could get here.”

“I would say sorry, but I don’t like to lie,” Kara says. She brushes sand from her arms, grimacing at the knots the seawater has made in her hair.

The goddess’ lips twitch. Almost a smile. Her mouth downturns naturally - fitting, for a goddess of the saddest domain - but Kara thinks suddenly that her smile might just be life-giving. She wants to see it. It lights a fire in her she didn’t expect. 

“No need to apologize,” Death says quietly. “I take no pleasure in the reaping of souls.”

Kara pauses partway through untangling her hair.

“Huh.”

“Is that surprising?” Death says. One perfect brow arches, and Kara traces its curve with her eyes.

“Well, that’s not how people speak of you.”

“Ah, yes. Death, the cruel thief of joy,” the goddess says, a thread of bitterness weaving into her words. “Waiting in the dark to snatch mortals away at the slightest provocation. Bringing woe and grief wherever she goes.”

The dark smoke that’s been mostly absent from their conversation appears again. It sweeps around Death, blurring her features like a stormcloud, and Kara leans back on her hands.

“I mean. The aesthetic isn’t exactly doing you any favours,” Kara notes.

The smoke parts. And this time, the goddess does smile. It’s almost incredulous, like she’s shocked at Kara’s gall, but Kara finds she was correct - that smile is like the first beam of moonlight after an eclipse. Something not of this world.

“No,” the goddess says, rising to her feet. The sand doesn’t touch her dress. “I suppose it isn’t.”

Her form starts to waver again. Black smoke takes over her features, sweeping across the beach. Kara scrambles to her feet. Sand sticks wetly to her back, making her hyper-aware of just how bedraggled she must look in comparison to the literal goddess she’s speaking to, but she calls out anyways. 

“Wait!”

The smoke stops.

“Do you have a name?” Kara asks, hardly daring to hope for an answer. She can feel Death looking at her even with her features obscured.

“I haven’t used it in a long time.”

“No time like the present,” Kara says. The smoke billows out, sweeping across Kara’s soggy boots. Almost like a laugh. After a long pause, she answers.

“It’s…it’s Lena.”

Kara smiles. 

“I’m Kara. Since my name isn’t on your list.”

Lena disappears without an acknowledgement. But Kara clings to her name. She holds it in her mouth like a sweet, lets it melt over her tongue as the last hint of the goddess’ presence disappears in the bright sunshine.

“Until next time. Lena.”

-

Saving people in need becomes something of a pastime. With nothing much else to do with her endless days Kara keeps travelling, helping out where she can and learning how to fight to do so more effectively. And, she finds, she’s good at it. It comes as easily to her as anything.

But sometimes, even easy things go wrong.

It isn’t often that Kara fails. But her strength has limits, even with eternal life – when the man she’s caught mid-fall on a rocky cliff slips from her grasp, there’s little she can do but watch as he hits the ground. She even falls after him, pulling herself towards him on broken legs that snap themselves back into place within moments, but there’s nothing she can do to heal his broken body.

Lena appears in her periphery as she’s holding him. His wheezing breath is starting to leave him - he’s terrified, seizing at her clothes.

“Help,” he chokes. Lena moves just into Kara’s field of vision. Not circling, but making her presence known.

“I can’t,” Kara whispers. She lays him gently on the ground, prising his hands from her tunic and stepping away, and when she finally looks at Lena she sees not satisfaction but deep, unimaginable sadness.

The moment Lena takes Kara’s place, he knows.

“No,” he moans, trying to scramble away but failing as the strength leaves his body. “No, no, please, I – I have a family, you can’t – please don’t -”

“Be at peace,” Lena says softly. A pale hand comes to rest on his wound, a soft glow emanating from her palm. Her face is set in aching empathy. “Your suffering is over. No pain will follow you here.”

The man is not at peace. He’s still terrified, hardly hearing her comforting words, but Lena says them anyways; when his spirit fades and his body goes limp, Lena stands. She doesn’t look at Kara, not directly, but nor does she disappear as Kara takes a heavy seat on a flat rock.

After a moment, Kara calls out.

“Lena?”

Lena twitches. Her hand flexes, making a fist and then relaxing again. Kara wonders if she’s heard her name called a single time since their last meeting.

“Come talk to me,” Kara says softly. She pats the spot beside her, and Lena’s eyes flicker to the movement. “Please?”

Lena comes closer, but she doesn’t sit. Her eyes are downcast. Kara wishes she would look up, so that she could see the ever-changing colour of them. She’s been thinking about it for years, now. She’s just as starkly beautiful as she was the last time they saw each other.

“I’m sorry,” Lena says quietly. Kara shrugs, trying to put aside the guilt eating away at her insides.

“Can’t save everyone.”

“And yet you still try. Doesn’t it get tiresome?”

“I should ask you the same thing,” Kara says. Lena finally looks up.

“My task is enforced on me,” Lena says, her hands coming together in something close to a fidget before she seems to remember herself and stop. Her eyes are grey, today. Like the choppy steel of a stormy sea. “You do this by choice. Have you made some kind of game out of erasing names from my list?”

“I guess you could say that,” Kara shrugs. She moves over, patting the open spot beside her again. “Or maybe I just enjoy your company.”

Lena scoffs. “That’s even more absurd than defying Death.”

“And yet, here I am. Doing both.”

Lena’s face is like stone as she assesses Kara’s words. But she sits.

“You don’t get to talk to people often, do you?” Kara says. Lena has left a great deal of space between them, perching on the very edge of the rock, and Kara takes in what she can of her side profile.

“Not unless I’m bringing them to the afterlife,” Lena says. Her hands twist together again. “And in those cases, as you saw, they tend to be…”

“Afraid.”

“Or angry. Or pleading. But yes. Mostly frightened,” Lena sighs. “Everyone fears the unknown. It doesn’t really matter what I say.”

“But you still try,” Kara says. It’s something she never would have expected from Death, this well of genuine empathy for the humans she reaps, but it seems to be a fundamental part of Lena just as much as her stormy eyes or her sharp tongue.

Lena nods. “Everyone deserves comfort in their final moments. Especially if they’re gripped by fear.”

Kara’s next words come in a whisper.

“I’m not afraid of you.”

Lena looks at her sharply. Her brows are knitted with disbelief, and her hands stop their twisting and instead brace on the rock.

“My brother did this to you,” Lena says. Her voice is low, but urgent as she leans towards Kara as if to persuade her. “Keeps you from seeing your family. He is the source of your curse.”

“Unless I’m mistaken, you don’t seem to be your brother.”

Kara’s hand moves closer to where Lena’s rests. A few inches between them, perhaps, easily closed. Closer and closer Kara moves, towards Lena’s pale fingers, reaching –

The swirling black cloud has hidden Lena’s features before Kara can come close to touching Death’s hand.

“Lena, wait!” Kara shouts. But it’s to empty air. The goddess of death is gone.

-

After that day, Kara puts herself in danger perhaps a shade more than she did before in the hopes of drawing Lena out again. Sometimes Kara can feel her presence when she saves a life, a gentle smoky warmth just over her shoulder; sometimes she can almost see her as someone’s soul is leaving their body, if Kara has failed to change their fate. A faint outline. A sense of calm, even when the dying person is frightened. But no matter what Kara does Lena doesn’t materialize.

She even tries praying, which feels as silly as it must look. Lena doesn’t answer. Her absence only intensifies Kara’s fascination. 

As she walks the world Kara looks for worshippers of her newly-favoured goddess, and finds few and far between. Besides the occasional murderous cult who worship a version of Death that doesn’t resemble Lena in the slightest and a single, run-down temple on a remote island hidden from human access, there’s no trace of the kind of worship given to Lena’s brother the sun-god. No festivals, no sacrifices, hardly even an acknowledgement. Only fear, and resistance against the inevitable. As if pretending death doesn’t exist will stave it off indefinitely. 

Even with only three meetings, Kara feels somehow as if she knows Lena. And her erasure feels deeply unfair. 

It takes 12 years for Kara to see her again. 12 years of looking for danger, saving people whose names she knows must have been on Lena’s list, stealing souls back from Death in an endless back-and-forth, until finally Kara does something drastic. 

She takes her vows, and becomes Death’s only Paladin. 

Hearing Lena’s voice again is like hearing the first drops of rain after a long drought.

“What exactly do you think you’re doing?”

Kara opens her eyes. She’s only halfway through her 24 hours of silent prayer in this windowless room, the last step in this holy process, and now her patron goddess herself is perched on the altar surrounded by flickering candles. Her legs are folded one over the other in a graceful cross, and her face is set in incredulity.

“Lena!” Kara breathes, grinning wide and rising from her knees. “Long time no see!”

“Death doesn’t have Paladins, Kara,” Lena says fiercely, as if Kara hasn’t greeted her at all. “Nobody walks the earth saving people in Death’s name. My brother’s Paladins seek to defy me, they don’t…they don’t worship.”

“Why not?” Kara shrugs. Her armour, a dark leather set with Death’s symbol on the breast, squeaks with her movement in the way new leather always does. Lena’s nostrils flare.

“Because it doesn’t make sense!”

“It does, though. Think about it,” Kara says, as insistent in her decision as she’s been these last two years of training. She’s had to weather the disbelief of the other Paladins here too, all training to serve the sun-god. She’s gotten more than enough practice. “I can’t die. Ever. Who’s more fitting to carry out Death’s will?”

“What are you going to do, go out and kill people indiscriminately in my name?” Lena says, waving her hands wide. The strength of her reaction makes her somehow more real than she’s ever been, even when her draped sleeves pass over the candles without catching. “What could possibly be the function of a Paladin of Death?”

“You don’t take pleasure in the reaping of souls.”

Lena pauses. Her arms fall slowly back to her sides.

“You remembered that,” she whispers.

Kara knows then with a certainty she can’t describe that she’s done the right thing. She’s tried keeping Rao in her heart, she’s tried escaping from her past, she’s tried every method available on this earth of letting Death take her. But now that she knows Death, has seen her firsthand, she’ll kneel for Lena and nobody else.

“I can be your vassal,” Kara says, lowering her voice to match Lena’s. “I can sort those who can be spared from those whose time has come. Make your job easier. Save them, or ease their passage if I need to. Soothe some of that fear.” 

Lena bites at her lower lip. Her teeth are brilliantly white, the edges sharp enough to leave a mark that fades slowly.

“It would defy my brother,” Lena admits. “He’s the one who gave me this task. I’m not meant to deviate.”

“Who better to do that, too?”

Lena is silent. Kara approaches her, trying to absorb her every perfect feature while she can – the curve of her brow, the shape of her sharp jaw framing her mouth. The slight underbite that shines through as she seems to chew on the inside of her cheek.

Kara reaches out a hand.

Lena slides off the altar, snatching her arm away before Kara can get close. “No - you can’t touch me.”

“Why not?”

Lena sidesteps, sliding past Kara and backing up until her back hits the wall. “Mortals can’t touch the gods. You’ll burn. It’ll -”

“Kill me?” Kara grins. She removes her gauntlet, dropping it to the flagstones. “I’d welcome it.”

Again, slowly, she reaches for Lena’s hand. And slowly Lena relaxes her arm until finally, Kara’s fingers wrap around her bare wrist.

Lena’s skin is like ice. It’s cold enough that it might burn, like Lena said, if Kara wasn’t cursed. But it doesn’t. Kara feels more alive than she’s felt in decades, just from a simple touch. Wonderfully alive. Joyously alive. Lena’s intake of breath is sharp enough to cut.

“See?” Kara says lowly. “My curse is good for something.”

“You’re…”

Kara’s free hand joins the first. She cups both of them around Lena’s, feeling their shape; Lena’s long, elegant fingers curl into themselves in the cradle of Kara’s palms, their cold receding. Kara keeps her voice low.

“What am I?”

Lena swallows. Kara watches her throat bob, her lips parting to show a flash of her pink tongue.

“Warm,” Lena murmurs. “Like the sun. I haven’t felt warmth in…a long time.”

Kara is close to her. So close that she can see the shifting sea colours in Lena’s eyes even in the dim candlelight. Carefully, Kara sinks to her knees with Lena’s hands still cradled in her own. She opens up her fingers so that she can press her forehead to Lena’s palms, and she finds that the coldness has left them. They’re almost hot, now.  

“Let me serve you, Lena,” Kara whispers, like the endless prayers she’s been whispering since she was locked in this room. “Please.”

Lena’s fingers move. For a moment Kara thinks she might push her away. But instead they relax, and press against the top of Kara’s head.

“You’re the strangest person I’ve ever met,” Lena says. But there’s wonder in her voice. Happiness, even. And when she disappears in her usual cloud of smoke, the smoke drifts over Kara. She breathes it in, feeling it full her lungs, and on the first breath she feels it changing her.

Lena smells of fresh earth. Of fallen leaves, crisp and decomposing in a fragrant autumn. The tangy smoke of a doused fire.

She smells like the cool air of night. 

When she smoke leaves her, Kara feels different. Unimaginably different. Envigorated. The pew she uses to pull herself to her feet cracks and splits under her hand with hardly any effort, and when she flexes her shoulders – feeling a new strength in them, one she can’t wait to explore – she feels something else there.

Two black, feathered wings unfurl from her back, filling the room with fragrant shadow.

[rustingcat]

The moment Kara heard Sam was coming to town she knew there would be trouble.

Not that she had anything against the woman, quite the opposite, she absolutely adored Sam. But her visits tend to be a bit… chaotic.

It started not long after Ruby turned old enough to babysit Esme by herself. Sam would fly to National city for a weekend, leaving Ruby at the Danvers-Olsen house for a paid sleepover with Esme, and dragged the superfriends to the nearest Bar to get them all shitfaced drunk.

Kara would not easily forget waking up on the roof of a ferris wheel once, wearing a clown outfit and hugging a pogo stick. She did forget the events leading up to that point due to the large amount of alcohol she consumed the night before.

Kara briefly toyed with the idea to visit her parents on Argo for the duration of Sam's visit, or at the very least her first night. But she hasn't seen her in so long, and with Kara's very busy schedule she decided it's a good opportunity as any to take some time off and enjoy a night out with her friends. She just hoped there would be no stumbling drunkenly into any more theme parks.

That's why she was very surprised to learn that Sam's new adventurous plan was a simple game night at Kara’s apartment.

With alcohol, of course.

Kara kept her drinking at a minimum, just enough to get some nice buzz out of it, but a far cry from a complete black out. She wasn't the only one, most participants had seemingly decided to avoid a similar fate. Much to Sam's disappointment, Kara assumed, since she kept asking them to do shots.

After a few tame games of Settlers of Catan and a round of pictionary, Sam decided to spice things up a bit. They started with a game of 'would you rather' that slowly evolved into an open question format where everyone answered the same questions.

"Favourite… type of apple?" It was Nia's turn to ask, she spent almost 5 minutes struggling to find a question before settling on one.

"Really? That's the best you got?" Sam asked disappointed.

"I was panicking! That's the only thing I could think of!" Nia said defensively, her arms raising in the air in surrender. "Do you have anything better?"

"You know it," Sam said with a sly smile.

"Go ahead then."

"Alright," Sam clapped her hands, moving her gaze from one person to the next slowly before she continued. "Not including your actual partner, who would you marry out of the people in this room?"

"And I can't choose Nia?" Brainy asked, his hands deep in Nia's hair, drunkenly caressing her hair between his fingers. He may have gotten slightly drunker than most by trying to be nice and accepting most of Sam's shots.

"That would be against the rules." Sam smiled and twisted the wine glass in her hand.

"That's preposterous!" He exclaimed. Nia's head recoiled with a small groan of pain as Brainy accidentally hit her head. "There is no possibility in the multiverse I would pick anyone but her!" He announced, Nia remembered to move her head in time to avoid the second hit.

"You're no fun," Sam rolled her eyes. "Nia?" She smirked.

"Only Brainy, of course." She proclaimed loudly. Brainy rewarded her with a kiss on the forehead while she mouthed 'Kelly' under her breath.

Sam winked to her in return, while the rest tried to hide their chuckle.

"Kelly, you're next for no particular reason," Sam turned to her with a smile.

"Nia," Kelly replied with a matching smile. "For no particular reason."

"Alex?" Sam changed the topic before Brainy could interject.

"You know, I think we could've worked out," she weaved her hand towards Sam's direction.

"Yeah, we could've had some fun," Sam smirked back at her. "Alright, Kara, what about you?" She turned to face her.

"Lena," Kara answered without much thinking.

"Well, she is rich, it makes sense," Sam said under the rim of her glass.

"Rich wife is very convenient," Alex nodded in agreement.

"I'm not choosing her because of her money." The idea of reducing Lena to her finance, a walking wallet if you will, infuriated her. She was so much more than that. Kara put down her empty glass and stood up a bit faster than she intended.

"Then why her?" Sam challenged with a raised eyebrow.

Kara blinked in surprise, was it not obvious? "Because she is amazing! She's brilliant, smart, kind and… pretty," she added with a small blush creeping up her neck. "Also a great listener and problem solver, which is important in a relationship. And-"

"Yeah okay, we got it," Alex cut her off.

Kara gave her a mocking look in response, eyebrows squinted and tongue sticking out as she walked up to the kitchen to refill her glass.

"Lena, who is your pick?" Sam continued with the game.

"Kara, of course." The way she said it, as if there were no other options, filled Kara with warmth she was not expecting. She also wasn't sure why it made her smile so much, but it did. Then again they were best friends, it would be awkward if they were not to pick each other, right?

"Hey Kara, can you get me a beer?" Alex called out.

Kara studied her for a second. "No, you were being annoying."

"Wha- Kara!" Alex whined.

"Get one yourself," Kara shrugged, and poured herself a glass of white wine.

"Kara, can you give me a glass of red, please?" Lena asked. Her voice was so soft, it sent shivers down her spine.

"Of course," Kara quickly pulled another wine glass from the upper cupboard and placed it on her kitchen island.

"Hey, I asked you first," Alex shouted in retaliation, as she finished filling the second glass. "So you're getting Lena's drink and not mine?"

"Yes," Kara answered with a smile, walking back to the living room while maintaining eye contact with her sister, knowing it would annoy her more.

"Why?" Alex challenged, squinting her eyes while maintaining the eye contact.

"Wife privileges," Kara shrugged and took her place next to Lena, shifting a bit closer to her this time before she placed her glass on the table.

Kara almost forgot about the whole thing, until a week later when Lena brought it up. They were sitting in Lena's new office, talking about her new conjoined plan for both her foundation and the newly reformed L-Corp for a new source of green energy. A top secret plan, but Lena was talking about it with so much enthusiasm that Kara couldn't help herself, asking more and more questions, eager to learn more about it. Soon after, Kara found herself in the halls of the foundation's labs, Lena excitedly telling her about the project in detail.

"This sounds amazing, Lena! But I thought this was top secret, not that I'm complaining. I love seeing you this enthusiastic, but how come I get to hear about it?" Kara asked eventually.

Lena was quiet for a moment, before she answered "wife privileges," with a shrug, her cheeks slightly pink.

Kara brought it up next, when she forced Lena to leave the office at a reasonable time. Claiming 'wife privileges' as the reason Lena has to follow her home and relax for a bit.

Lena later used it as an excuse to steal a fry off of Kara’s plate, even though she insisted she only wanted a salad. When she met Kara raised brow she simply shrugged and claimed “wife privileges.”

It quickly became an inside joke for them, a reason for them to do a nice thing for each other or an excuse to get away with stuff; like buying lunch, stealing clothes or bringing surprise pastries. Things they were already doing anyway, they just had a better excuse to do it more often.

"Hey, it's been a month since that game night," Kara said, raising her very fancy wine glass to her lips. Lena invited her to a fancy Italian place that opened recently. It was right after Kara mentioned a craving for pasta the day before.

"Are you suggesting it's our anniversary?" Lena smirked, leaning back on her chair. She didn't need to be specific, she knew Lena knew what she was talking about.

"Happy anniversary." Kara raised her wine glass and smiled. She loved how quick Lena could understand her.

"Happy anniversary." Lena raised her own glass to toss it with hers, smiling her wide smile with the dimples that made Kara all warm inside. She was so captivated by the smile that it took Kara a few moments to realise the waiter was standing right beside them.

The meal was, of course, amazing, not only because of the quality Italian cuisine, but her fantastic company. Kara always felt most like herself when she was with Lena, she wasn't sure why but she made her feel at peace.

They finished their meal, still deep in conversation, sipping the remaining of their wine when the waiter appeared. Presenting them with a complementary tiramisu with a candle and two spoons, wishing them a happy anniversary.

Kara was about to correct him when Lena thanked him with a nod and gestured for Kara to dig in. She couldn't help the goofy smile that spread on her face. Out of all the inside jokes so far, she had the feeling that that was their best one yet.

Read the rest in AO3

[vox-ex]

art

Supercorptober 2023

"what does it all come down to? love? Love" ee cummings

or

sometimes it just takes something simple to explain something complex

----

The doorbell rang just as Kara was sweeping the last few crayons from the table into a small plastic container.

"Coming!" she called out.

As she opened the door, she realized not only was Alex there to pick up Esme but that Lena must have gotten off of work early as well.

"Hey," Lena greeted as they stepped inside together. "How was babysitting Esme?"

"Chaos, as always," Kara grinned, closing the door behind her friend. "But we had fun."

"Mamma!" As if on cue, Esme ran in from the bathroom where she had been washing her hands.

'Hey, kiddo," Alex knelt in front of her, smoothing back a stray hair from her face.

"Were you good for Aunt Kara?"

"Yup!" Esme nodded enthusiastically.

"We colored! And I learned new words."

"New words, huh?" Alex arched an eyebrow at her sister and Lena.

"I hope they're not the kind of new words you learn from your Godmother?"

She looked even more pointedly at Lena with a smile.

"Please, you just like to blame me for the ones she's already picked up from you."

"And that is one of the reasons I love you."

Alex walked over to grab Esme's coat from the chair and picked up one of the drawings off the table, unable to stop the laughter that came out when she saw what she must have just finished working on.

"Do you not like it." Esme looked up at her concerned coming up behind her.

Alex ruffled Esme's hair.

"Not at all. It's perfect kid. You did a wonderful job."

Alex picked up the drawing and walked past a confused Kara before taking a magnet and hanging the drawing right in the middle of the refrigerator before looking back at her sister.

"You might want to be careful what Kryptonian words you teach your Niece."

Kara didn't miss the idiots Alex whispered under her breath as she walked towards the door.

Esme apparently didn't either.

"Mommy says you're not supposed to call people that."

Alex chuckled as she gently helped her put her arms in her coat.

"And you're Mommy is absolutely correct."

Zipping it up with only minor difficulty.

"Now come on you... let's get some Pizza to bring home for dinner and not tell her I said it."

"Deal!"

Esme turned and waved goodbye, all of a sudden in a hurry with the now-promised prospect of Pizza.

"Bye Aunt Kara. Bye Aunt Lena!"

Alex reached to close the door behind them, but not before silently mouthing the word "idiots" one more time.

As the door shut, both Kara and Lena looked towards the refrigerator, and after a second, both lunged forward, but only one of them wound up with it in their hands.

"Ah-ah, too slow," Lena teased, plucking the drawing from Kara's grasp.

She held it up, studying the image like she would one of her blueprints.

Three simple figures were all holding hands, all drawn out in cheerful lines of different colors. Lena recognized herself, Kara, and Esme instantly.

"Looks like quite the artwork," Lena remarked, amusement dancing in her eyes. But then her focus shifted to the symbols etched next to each figure, and the letters next to them. They were elegant, even in chunky crayon. She had seen at least one of them before.

Kara bit her lip, the earlier playfulness giving way to vulnerability.

She watched as Lena's fingers traced the outline of the figure that was herself, then the smaller one next to it, running back and forth over where the hands were linked before hovering over the word 'ukiem' squeezed in between.

"Ukiem," she murmured, the syllables rolling off her tongue with unexpected ease as she glanced at Kara.

Kara fiddled with some of the other drawings still on the table, the papers rustling softly with each shuffle.

The room seemed to shrink.

"I must admit," Lena began, her voice steady despite the sudden tightness in her chest, "I am not always as well-versed in Kryptonian as I would like to be."

Kara shifted her weight from one foot to the other.

"But I know this one." She tapped the word gently. "Love right?"

"Esme and I were talking about family," Kara cleared her throat.

"About the words we use for family," she began, hesitant yet determined.

"About how we can tell them we love them."

"Family, huh?" Lena's voice held an air of curiosity, her gaze fixed on the colorful drawing again.

"Y-yeah," Kara stammered, her heart pounding in her ears.

"I don't know this one?" Lena confessed, her voice trembling ever so slightly as her fingertip pointed at the word on the page, Zhao, written between her and the other figure on the page. Smiling at the way Esme drew Kara's glasses just a little crooked.

"Zhao?" Lena ventured quietly, placing the word as carefully as she could on her tongue.

"Zhao." Kara smiled, echoed the words back with a quiet certainty.

She swallowed hard. "Not all love is the same in Kryptonese."

"So, family?" Lena pointed again to the words between her and Esme and then those between her and Kara. "And?"

Kara hesitated..."Something more."

"Is that what we are then?" Lena's eyes flickered with their own vulnerability now. "Something more?"

"I'd like it if we were," Kara conceded, taking a deep breath.

Lena's eyes softened, and a small smile tugged at the corners of her lips.

"I think I'd like that too."

----

read and follow along on Ao3 too

[natalievoncatte]

Lena knew this was going to be a bad one. She was making dinner when she glanced up and saw that the Lakehawks game had been interrupted by a breaking news report. There was a fire on the south side hills, flames raking the side of the building as they reached hungrily for the sky, as if to consume the stars themselves.

Rushing to the balcony, she could see it, an angry red glow on the edge of the city. It was a bad place for a fire. It was out of control and the brush and vegetation nearby was dry; all of Southern California was under drought conditions and a fire watch. Everyone in the city would be glued to their televisions; a helicopter thumped overhead, sending a downblast over her as it thundered towards the fire.

Lena watched with her own eyes, briefly spotting the red and blue streak across the night sky. She couldn’t see the fire itself but she could imagine Kara slicing through the air at full speed, dousing or something the flames in some clever way. True to form, the glow died down quickly. Lena didn’t need to turn back to the tv to know the fire was was contained and would soon be out.

She waited patiently on the balcony, leaning over the railing and letting the crisp night air sweep through her hair. She looked up when she saw that familiar dash of red and blue slow and descend beside her, cape billowing out behind Kara as she landed.

Her face and hair and suit were streaked with soot and her eyes were downcast. Lena said nothing as she placed her hands on Kara’s big shoulders and led her inside. As soon as they were in, Lena closed the doors and pulled the curtains, then swiftly turned and undid the clasps that held Kara’s cape to her shoulders, sweeping it over the back of a chair. From the set of her back and the way her head hung, she knew at once that something as wrong.

She didn’t ask. Kara was never cruel to her, never snapped at her, but Lena had learned to read her and knew that she needed a little bit of silence to process after something happened.

A kind of ritual had been created between them. Lena parted the skintight suit to reveal the hidden zipper and pulled it down, exposing the honeyed skin of Kara’s broad back. She wore a crop top and boxers under the suit, and shimmied out of it, gathering it and the cape.

Kara turned to head towards the bedroom, and Lena caught her with a hand resting softly on her forearm.

“I wasn’t fast enough,” Kara whispered, as the tears began to fall.

Lena took the suit from her and the cape and laid them reverently across the chair.

“Don’t worry about me,” said Kara. “I’ll be fine.”

“You will be, but I’m going to worry all I want.”

Lena pressed into her and Kara wrapped her arms around her, nuzzling her nose into the crown of Lena’s head. Kryptonian super-senses. She was taking deep breaths of Lena’s pheromones and feeling the beat of her heart against her own chest. Kara smelled like sweat and burnt drywall, but Lena didn’t care.

“Eat your dinner. I’ll be okay.”

Lena let her go, but put away what she’d been making; the chicken could brine for up to a day anyway, and she wanted to share this meal for Kara. Lena wouldn’t admit that she enjoyed feeding Kara, whose body seemed so incapable of gaining any weight which was not muscle, but she knew she did. Not to mention the little thrill she got from introducing her to new tastes.

She had a protein shake instead, waiting for Kara to come out of the shower. Kara would wash her suit and cape herself, so Lena left it.

When she stepped into the bedroom, Kara had changed into a loose, threadbare t-shirt and was fluffing her hair with a towel. Eventually it would dry into flawless waves with loosely curled, salon perfect ends; apparently Kryptonians also had super styling amongst their repertoire of scientifically implausible abilities.

Kara flopped on her side on the bed, sighing.

Lena crawled aboard behind her and wrapped her arms around Kara, and Kara immediately sank back into her embrace with a soft sigh. The bed erased their height difference and Lena sheltered Kara with her body, tucking her head against her chest. After a while, she began slowly running her fingers through Kara’s damp hair, and her tuneless hum became a half-remembered lullaby her mother had sung as Kara let out a quiet sob and shuddered.

Sometimes, the biggest person needed to be small, and the strongest woman in the world needed someone to be stronger. Eventually, Kara told Lena what happened, yet another invisible scar she’d carry forever. Once again Lena bitterly thought that Kara didn’t deserve to live like this, bearing the guilt of two whole worlds on her shoulders.

But she did, so Lena would help her carry it.

[lena-in-a-red-dress]

Alt Assistant AU Pt 2

Kara takes Lena's confrontation as a challenge. She's faced icy walls before-- she'll melt them again. But just as in the previous reality, Lena doesn't make it easy.

The pastries Kara begins delivering with Lena's coffee every morning go straight to the trash, every time, with a sharp look and an even sharper, "Don't."

Don't.

The word becomes Kara's frequent companion, issued any time she steps outside the bare minimum of her role.

Meals Lena doesn't order, but that Kara knows she likes-- don't.

A post it smiley note pressed to the cup of her coffee-- don't.

The snort when Kara hears a particularly cutting remark in response to a particularly sexist board member-- don't.

Kara's used to the rebuffs, as she's already weathered them before. But these are different. Before, in the previous reality that got so twisted, Lena's refusals were to protect herself, audibly defensive. But "don't".... Lena says it with an obstinance she's never had before.

But Kara doesn't mind it.

In fact, she relishes the opportunity to lift an arch brow in response to each of those stubborn don'ts, a challenge in her own right.

Try and stop me, it says, smug and confident in a way Kara hasn't felt in years. She has the knowledge of a whole reality behind her, and Lena.... Lena has no idea what's coming to her.

The fact that Lex hadn't seen fit to give her Supergirl in this reality only helps.

She's a little surprised that she feels this way, but also a little not. She's been tired for a long time, and had never been able to find the voice to ask for rest. Now she has it in spades, and uses it to research everything she can about Lena in this reality.

Each tidbit Kara learns warms her insides, in a way that was only ever a tickle before. That Lena is an Olympic medalist, and prodigious TedTalker. That her cancer research has served as the foundation for the world's bleeding edge developments on the subject, and that her nanites are already used in crisis areas around the globe.

That Jack Spheer lives, spearheading it all on Lena's behalf when L-Corp pulls her elsewhere.

She thinks to send him an alert to an upcoming gap in Lena's schedule while he's in town, knowing that Lena would have already declined to leave her office, but her finger hesitates on the send button.

Kara remembers much about the previous reality, including the way her stomach had burned that night in that restaurant, watching Lena's gaze spark with interest when Jack spoke of their project.

This time, she can do something about her jealousy-- she doesn't send the message.

"Don't," Lena issues pre-emptively the next morning, when Kara returns to clear signs of an all-nighter. Lena accepts the coffee, but as always dumps the pastry.

"Don't what?"

It pulls Lena's gaze to her, sharp and direct as always. It doesn't daunt Kara anymore. She almost smirks.

Lena's lips purse ever so slightly.

"You know what."

That's all she says, and this time Kara does smirk. She saunters back to desk, and feels Lena's gaze on her all the way out.

[fazedlight]

Irish (soft season 6 ficlet)

Kara knew something was wrong.

Not dangerous wrong. Lena’s heart rate was steady and calm, and there was no one else in the apartment with her. But as Kara flew above the few buildings left to her apartment, she could see how Lena was hunched over, see the stress and sadness in her body. And it made Kara’s heart ache.

Landing in the open window, Kara stepped inside, the small taps alerting Lena to her entrance. “Kara,” Lena said, trying to hide the distress on her face as she rose from the couch, grabbing at VHS tapes spread in front of the TV. “You’re home early.”

“They put out the fire before I got there,” Kara said softly. “The winds weren’t as bad as they thought.”

Lena nodded, hurriedly placing the pile of tapes into a familiar box. Kara had flown the box back to National City herself - one of the many artifacts carried over from Lena’s mother’s home, which Lena inherited at the age of 18. Lena had only gone once or twice as an adult, until the discovery of her magic made her curious to reconnect to what she could of her mother. “Are you okay?” Kara asked.

“I’m fine,” Lena said.

“Lena.” Kara stepped forward, kneeling on the rug, gently taking Lena’s busy hands into her own. “Lena, I’m here.”

Lena paused, leaving the remaining tapes next to the TV, taking a slow breath as she dropped back to sit on the floorboards instead. “I just didn’t expect to feel this way.”

“Feel what way?”

Lena stared down at the floor, not quite ready to look Kara in the eye. “I was so young. There’s so much I don’t remember.”

Kara took a seat in front of her, still holding Lena’s hands. She waited patiently - silent, and comforting, letting Lena take her time to think or talk as she wished.

“In one of the tapes,” Lena said, her voice a touch deeper than normal, “She sang an Irish lullaby. I haven’t heard it in decades. The melody slammed back into me.”

“I’m sure it was lovely,” Kara said.

“She spoke to me. In Irish. She spoke to me, and I didn’t understand what she was saying,” Lena said, frustrated. “And in the tape, I spoke back, and I didn’t understand what I was saying. It’s all gone.”

And that’s when Kara stiffened, a bolt of lightning running through her as she understood. It was different in her case, of course - she had once thought herself the last to speak a language, carrying a dead culture in her soul. Through sheer luck, she was able to get her father, her mother, her people back - but the feeling of being orphaned, she understood, if in a different way than Lena. “The Luthors don’t speak Irish,” Kara replied.

“Language attrition is common in children who stop speaking their first language before the age of 12,” Lena said softly, in a tone that made Kara realize that Lena must’ve read about this a dozen times before. “I didn’t know what I was losing until it was too late.”

“Lena,” Kara said, leaning forward to give the brunette a hug. “I’m so sorry.”

“I know it sounds so silly,” Lena said. “It’s not like I have much need to speak Irish.”

“That doesn’t mean you can’t mourn what you’ve lost,” Kara said, thinking back to a million conversations she’d had with Kelly about her own traumas, even if later they were reversed by fate. “You can still be sad about it.”

Lena sighed, melting into Kara’s arms, and Kara felt relieved. They sat, wrapped in each other’s embrace and breathing in the peace of the evening, Kara rubbing gently at Lena’s back until Lena was ready. “Well, I can put the rest of this away,” Lena said, pulling back, her voice steady for the first time that evening. “We can start cooking dinner.”

Kara nodded, watching as Lena gazed back - a bit mournful, a bit sad, but a certain lightness compared to before. “If it helps,” Kara said gently, with one last thought, “I can learn Irish with you? It may not be like before, but sometimes getting some of the pieces back can mean something.”

Lena looked at her for a moment, before smiling. “I’d like that.”

[suzukiblu]

A bit more of "Kara gets to Earth on time and the Kents get a two-for-one special on free kids".

They finish eating, and Pa pays with the strange paper money and gets metal tokens back again. Are they a receipt, Kara wonders? Or are they some kind of money too, or something else altogether? 

For all she knows, this species eats metal and they’re some kind of complimentary snack. Probably not, since the clothing store handed them out too, but again, she doesn’t know. 

They go back out onto the streets of Smoll-Veel and head back towards Ma and Pa’s transport, but they don’t actually get there before–

“Jona-Than! Mar-Tha!” an alien voice calls from down the street, and Ma and Pa turn towards it. Kara tightens her grip on Kal reflexively and tries to keep smiling. An unfamiliar alien comes up to Ma and Pa and starts chattering excitedly, their face unnervingly animated and hands gesturing constantly. Kara’s never seen anyone speak so expressively but her own parents, and they had the decorum to do it privately. 

That doesn’t seem to be how things are done on this planet, though. 

This alien has flat brown hair and peachy speckled skin, and they’re wearing a long ankle-length robe but have bare arms and no undersuit, strangely enough. A lot of people on this planet just don’t seem to wear much clothing, it seems like. Kal burbles curiously at the new alien around his toy’s ear, and they look surprised and look from him to Kara, and then back to Ma and Pa. They ask something, Kara thinks, and she tries not to tense. 

Ma says something–Kara catches words that sound like “foss-turr” and “chyuld”, but nothing she understands, until Pa speaks up too and says something that ends in “Kent”. 

She knows that word, she thinks in relief, and points at herself. 

"Kent!" she repeats, nodding eagerly. No, she still doesn't know the aliens' language, but she's assuming being a farmer isn't a job that's too heavily dependent on language, and Ma and Pa will be likelier to let her stay on long enough to learn a bit more about this world if she helps out, she’s sure. 

Ma and Pa get the oddest looks on their faces, just for a moment, and then both look so incredibly pleased and give her the kindest smiles they’ve given her so far. 

They must really need another farmer around, Kara thinks. 

Well, that’s lucky for her and Kal, isn’t it?