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writingforcuteppl · 2 years

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Dancing With Our Hands Tied

PAIRING: Kenny McCormick x Reader

SUMMARY: Finally, after six years of no contact he was in front of you. That didn’t mean you were happy to see him.

GENRE: Angst, angst, and fluff.

WARNINGS: Swearing, drunk behavior.

WORD COUNT: 3.8k words

PART: 3 (series masterlist)

The past month has been fantastic for you. Not only did you reconnect with Kyle, one of the most important people in your life, but you realized Stan was such a fantastic friend. But even if you were happy about how your life was going, you still couldn’t get him out of your head. Kenny.

You knew he already was aware of the truth. Kyle was the one who told him, ending in a fight with Stan after he found out, so you thought he was at least going to speak to you or try to contact you after that. But he didn’t. Saying you were disappointed was an understatement, but you were mad too. Mad that he hasn’t got the guts to at least apologize for everything he told you. And that made your blood boil.

But on the positive side, Stan and Kyle made everything on their hands to show how much you meant to them. And that brought a whole lot of questions for you. Was it even possible to be in love with two people at the same time? Were you in love with them, or did you only love the attention they gave you? One thing you noticed is that they were completely fine with the other flirting with you. They didn’t show any sign of anger or jealousy. But even if you had two amazing guys by your side, your mind always returned to Kenny. And they knew that.

Right now you were at someone’s party, you didn’t know whose but you knew it was a close friend of Stan and Kyle. Sitting between the two of them, your head on Kyle’s shoulder, you were starting to get bored, the past three hours being nothing but people drinking and dancing like it was their last day on earth.

“Do you want to go, darling?” Stan said, noticing your tired semblance. Before you could answer him, you felt someone calling your name, and you froze. That voice. You turned your head to the voice and saw him.

He looked tired. His eyes showed all the stress and sadness he’s been feeling since he found out what he had done.

“Dude, not now.” Stan grabbed him by the arm, trying to pull him away from you, but he managed to break away from him.

“What, now you think you can protect her? Don’t make me laugh, Stan. You never cared about her. Why are you caring now?”

“What the hell do you want, Kenny?” He was shocked to hear your voice. It was the first time he listened to your voice after so long, making his heart stop.

“I want to talk to you. Alone” he shot a glare at Kyle and then Stan. Kyle held your hand as a sign of reassurance, making you aware that he won’t leave you alone.

“So now you want to talk? Are you kidding me?” Your voice felt like venom to his ears. Realizing that you wouldn’t get up and talk to him, he started talking.

“Well, you don’t want to get up, fine. Still, you are going to listen to me.” You really didn’t want to listen to him, so you got up and grabbed Kyle’s hand, making your way to the front door. You heard some bickering between two people, one of the voices belonging to Stan.

“Please, let’s just leave,” you begged Kyle, trying hard to stop the tears from falling down your face. Kyle just nodded and started to guide you to his car. That’s when someone grabbed your wrist.

“You are gonna listen to me. Even if you don’t want to.” He made you face him, and that’s when the smell of alcohol hit you.

“You are such a coward that you need the influence of alcohol to grow some balls and be able to talk to me. I don’t want to listen to you right now.” Kyle was ready to interfere when Kenny apologized.

“I’m sorry, ok? I’m sorry for hurting you and for not trusting you. There has not been a single day where I hate myself for losing the only person that mattered to me.” Kenny bawled out. You felt a tear roll down your cheek.

“Are you kidding me? Remember how you told me you would always be by my side? How you said the other girls were nothing compared to me? Remember how you told me I was a horrible person in front of everyone? Because it doesn’t look like it.”

“I know I was wrong. Still, you need to understand I felt betrayed.”

“I know that, and that’s what hurts me the most. You believed the first thing a stupid girl told you. You didn’t even question whether it was real; you just jumped to conclusions.”

“What did you want me to do? She was pretty convincing, and Stan confirmed it. I did think you went behind my back telling every single thing and secret you knew about me.”

“You know what’s the worst? If it was me, I would have at least asked you to know the truth.”

“That’s why I’m trying to apologize to you. I did you wrong.”

"So you just want me to forget everything? You made me feel like shit for months, only talking to me when you needed something. Then you just shouted at me in front of all our class, saying how a bad friend and a backstabbing bitch I was, and you just expect me to forgive you? It's not that easy, Kenny" Kenny fell to his knees, feeling defeated.

You were right. He hurt you in so many ways, but you were glad he finally said something to you even after all of that. Call it whatever you want, but what you've been craving to happen for years was already happening. At this point, you were a crying mess, and so was he. You wanted to just hug him and tell him you have already forgiven him a long time ago, but that didn't mean you forgot how shitty he made you feel, and you knew you just couldn't give in so easily.

“You know what? You’re drunk, and it’s already late. If you want to fix things, I will be waiting for you where we used to hang out. And maybe we can talk about everything.” Kenny looked up at you, a hint of hope visible in his eyes. “Tomorrow, 2 pm. Don’t be late.”

You turned your back and started to walk to Kyle and Stan, them having shocked expressions. “Can we leave now?” They only nodded at you, knowing you were tired and didn’t want to talk about what just had happened.

“Are you sure you don’t want us to be there?”

“Yeah, this is something we need to fix. Even if I know it would give me peace knowing you were there, I have to do this alone” You were nervous. The events of last night replaying in your head. It would be the first time you would talk to Kenny for real, and your body couldn’t handle your nervousness. You were sure your body would shut down at any moment, and the fact that you didn’t sleep at all was starting to affect you.

“When you finish, give us a call. We will arrive in a second, sweetheart” Kyle was the most scared of the two of them, he didn’t want to see you hurt again, but he knew you needed this to finally end.

“Yes, Kyle, I will” he kissed you on your cheek and left your house. Stan followed him.

You made your way to the rooftop of the Park County Community Center building. Back when you and Kenny were friends, your safe space was the rooftop. Everything felt way too calm up there. The place where the two of you could forget about everything that was going on in your lives and a place where the two of you could pretend nothing else mattered. You sat on the floor, and your fingers started to fidget, growing nervous by the second. It was 20 minutes till 2:00 when you left your house, so you knew he could arrive anytime. You heard someone going up the stairs and looked at your phone. It was already 2 pm.

“You came,” you said to the person you heard a moment ago.

“How did you know it was me?”

“You know no one comes to the rooftop” he let out a small laugh. You didn’t look up at him or turn to see him. He sat down in front of you.

“Hi, princess.”

“No, you don’t get to call me that.”

“But you are my princess.”

“Let’s talk, and then we’ll see.”

“First of all, I want to apologize for my behavior yesterday. It was stupid and reckless, and I know it’s not an excuse, but I was drunk.”

“It’s fine, Kenny. I don’t care about that. At least the alcohol made you talk to me” he felt relieved. It was something less to worry about.

“I know the most important things came out yesterday, but I want to know how it was for you. How you handled everything.” You sighed. To say you didn’t remember would be a complete lie. For the first year after your fight, you tried to piece everything that went down.

“Remember the first time we fought? I don’t remember what we fought about, but I do remember it was one of the worst weeks I’ve ever had. Well, I thought that would be the end of our friendship, we didn’t talk for a week, and I thought you were better off without me. I don’t know if you remember, but I sent you a long-ass message with everything I felt and thought, thinking it was the last time you would talk to me. I decided to tell you how I felt about not only the situation we were in but how I felt about you since I met you.”

“I do remember. I sent you a video answering everything you said to me. I did say how important you were to me and how no one could ever take your place in my heart. None of it was a lie.”

“Well, you did say you would be by my side for the rest of my life too, and that kinda was a lie” You looked at him for the first time and saw the pain in his eyes. “Anyways. The next Monday at school, I told Red that we had already talked and were on good terms, but for a reason, it didn’t sit right with her.”

“Wait, what? Red knew?”

“Of course, she knew. She was my best friend, or at least that’s what I thought. She seemed mad for a moment, but I just brushed it off. After some seconds, Red asked me to keep my distance from you, with the excuse that she felt like a third wheel whenever we hung out, so she wanted to get closer to you. It made sense to me, and I agreed. That was such a stupid decision.”

“Red was the one who told me you were talking behind my back and saying all of my secrets.”

“I know, well now I know, back in the day, I didn’t understand why you just stopped talking to me. And to be honest, I was blind. Red would ignore me at school too but would talk to me in the evenings as if nothing happened. I did ask her why you weren’t talking to me, and she just said it was because our fight affected you, and I believed her.” Kenny didn’t know that because his expression was of pure confusion. “Kyle noticed how you and I weren’t talking and asked me what happened. I told him everything I knew, and he believed me without a doubt. He also felt something was off. That felt good, you know? After weeks of not knowing what happened between us, having someone believing in me made me happy.”

“I noticed that. Not gonna lie, that made me angrier at you, something between jealousy and betrayal.”

“I figured it out. Every time you saw us together, you looked like you were ready to punch him. But even if you didn’t want anything to do with me, I still did everything in my hands to find an excuse to talk to you. Two months passed, and I just felt emptier every single day. The school was the only thing I could distract myself with. Then finals came, and that’s when you talked to me again. You needed help with some classes and asked for my help. I was relieved, and I took that as a chance to get closer to you again, and for a moment, I thought we were going to be fine. But then, after finals ended, you just started to ignore me again. Kyle told me that you were only using me, but I didn’t believe him when I told him what happened. He didn’t say, ‘I told you so’ or anything like that. He just hugged me and promised he would do anything in his hands to fix everything up. After that, it wasn’t mandatory to go to school anymore, so I decided to stop going. Kyle visited me every single day after school for a week, even came to my house on the weekend, and Red messaged me, telling me how sad she felt that I wasn’t going to school anymore. I believed her. So I decided to go to the last day of school. On the day of the graduation ceremony... I can still recall that day like it was yesterday. I fought with my parents before school. So it was already a bad start. I arrived at the school hoping to see Kyle so I could calm down a little bit, but he wasn’t there. He was sick. While I was looking for him, our eyes met, you looked at me like you used to, with such tenderness and love, and you were ready to get up and come my way, but Red just stopped you. That broke me. The ceremony was agonizing, you were standing by my side, but you just pretended I wasn’t there. When it finally ended, I was ready to leave without saying a word, letting you be happy without me, thinking that would be the best thing to do, but-“

“But I followed you. Red told me you were leaving, and I was just so mad that you didn’t apologize for betraying me, and that’s when I exploded. I said such horrible things, not knowing that you didn’t have a clue, nor did you do something bad.”

“Calling me a bitch was kinda funny, well, now that I can laugh at it. It did hurt tho.”

”I’m sorry, anger controlled me. I do have a question. Does Kyle know about that?”

“I don’t know. I’m pretty sure he would have beaten the shit out of you if he knew, and to be honest, we never really talked about you after that.”

“After that? I thought the last time you saw him was in middle school.”

“Well, we crossed paths in high school. We started to talk about trivial things until he brought up Red and told me how she lied to the two of us so she could be your girlfriend. That took me by surprise. She managed to destroy our friendship because she wanted to be your girlfriend. Could you believe that? I don’t know how Kyle was able to find the truth, but that explained her behavior for all those months. Kyle explained to me how Red thought the best way to get closer to you was to lie about me hurting you, saying I told everyone horrible things about you, and how I was telling all your secrets to everyone in our class. Then I imagine that Stan helped you believe that. Well, he did tell me that Red asked for help, so he lied to you, too, confirming everything Red said.”

“Were you mad at it?”

“Well, I was mad at Red and Stan. But I kinda understand your behavior, your words. You felt betrayed, and you had someone you trusted corroborating whatever Red said. Finally, everything was answered. If I have to be completely honest, the more I thought about it, the more I realized our friendship wasn’t as strong as I imagined. But I have to admit that now that the years have passed. I can see that everything happened for a reason.”

“You should have told me the truth.”

“I wanted to, but let’s be honest. Would you have believed me? I knew you pretty well, and you would have thought I was making that up. Even Stan told me you didn’t believe him when he told you the truth.”

“He told you that?”

“Yeah. He appeared at my front door like 6 weeks ago and apologized for everything.”

“He told me he was hanging with you, but he never told me he apologized to you.”

“Maybe he didn’t want you to feel bad. After all, that was the reason you fought Kyle and Stan that night, wasn’t it?”

“You know about that too?” You laugh. You could tell he was embarrassed just by his tone.

“Yes. I mean, I had to clean up his wounds.”

“That asshole didn’t tell me that,” you jokingly pushed his arm.

“Don’t be mean.” The both of you started to laugh. For a moment, it felt like it was such a natural and normal thing between the two of you. Some minutes passed, and you felt relieved, as if a weight was taken off your shoulders. You felt finally free after so long.

“You know, I was delighted when I found out you and Stan were still friends after so many years. You have been friends since kindergarten. That’s a solid friendship.”

"Ours could have been like that too if I didn't fuck it up." You only nodded at his statement. "Can I tell you a secret? I thought I was going to spend my whole life with you. Maybe date you and eventually marry you. It sounds stupid, I know, but still, that was one of my dreams."

“Really? I mean, that’s kinda a surprise. You always treated me like a sister.”

“That was only a way to hide my feelings.”

“Let me guess, that stupid pact you, Kyle, and Stan had? Stan told me everything.”

“ARE YOU KIDDING ME?” You laughed at his reaction. He was shocked that Stan told you that.

“But don’t you think that’s a little fucked up? I mean, if you had plans of being with me, why tell me you only saw me as a sister? Isn’t that like some psychologically messed up thing?”

“Now that you put it that way… In my defense, we were 8 when I started to say you were like my sister” he stayed silent for some time. “What about you? Did you think we could be together?”

“If I’m honest. No. I did see you only like a brother. I did find it a little suspicious that you would threaten every guy that flirted with me back in the day, but I saw it as brotherly protection, nothing more.” He looked hurt. But it was the truth. Maybe only once you thought of him as more than just a friend, but you quickly discarded that idea after he told you he liked one of the girls in your class. “What about you? How do you feel after I told you this?”

“It does change some things. I wouldn’t have thought Red was that evil. I thought she was hurt by your actions too, but now that you say she continued to talk to you like nothing happened, it shows how manipulative and bad she was. When Stan tried to tell me the truth, I guess I reacted in such a bad way because I was too scared to admit that I hurt you when I promised I would never do that ever again. Not only that, but I think Red knew Stan wanted to tell me the truth, so she warned me not to believe him, that Stan would tell me you were innocent just because you sent him to manipulate me. The more I thought of it after it happened, the more I realized it was such a dumb idea, knowing you and Stan never really talked.”

You just nodded, realization hitting you. The two of you were just a mere piece of a very twisted plan from someone you thought was your friend. In the end, none of you were to blame.

"I see..."

“When Kyle came to that party and told me, or more like it, shouted at me how I fucked up big time and how I hurt you, I realized it was the truth, with Stan just telling me he wasn’t lying about it. I felt mad at them for not telling me sooner. For so many years, I went through life thinking you were the bad one when in reality, it wasn’t your fault. I just couldn’t believe he would call me out like that, so I punched him. Stan tried to stop me, but I punched him in the process. I left trying to piece everything. For the past month and a half, I felt like shit and tried to come to your house and apologize, but what if you didn’t want to see me? What if you hated me? Stan told me you were hanging out with him and Kyle, and I figured out they would treat you the way you deserve. I would only disturb your peace. At least that’s what I thought until two days ago when they came to my house asking me to talk to you” Now that was new.

“They did that?”

“Yeah, they talked to me about how they knew you wanted to fix things between us, but I was the one who had to apologize, and they were right. In the end, I let things get destroyed between you and me, but I was still afraid you wouldn’t listen to me. Then I saw you yesterday at the party. I wanted to talk to you the moment you arrived. It was like destiny was telling me to do the right thing, but when I started walking to you, I froze. I know I tend to act recklessly when I’m drunk, so I started drinking to talk to you. And well, I did manage to talk to you, even if being drunk made me stupid and angry.”

“I noticed that” The two of you stayed silent for what felt like an eternity, but it was peaceful, with no nervousness or awkwardness in the air.

“Now that everything is out, do you think we can start over?” You have dreamt of this exact moment so many times, and you already know the answer. You stayed in silence.

“Hi, my name is Y/n. Nice to meet you” You held your hand out to him. He only smiled, realizing what you were doing.

“Hi, Y/n, I’m Kenny.”

n a v i g a t i o n

#south park fluff #south park angst #kenny fluff #kenny angst #kenny mccormick fluff #kenny mccormick angst #kenny mccormick x reader #kenny mccormick #south park kenny #south park imagines #south park x reader

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hatsunevitu · 1 year

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SO i’ve been thinking about this plot when cartman dies. or rather, particularly about kyle’s reaction to cartman’s death ‘cause yk. kyman is rotting my brain.

first of all i strongly believe that everyone who thinks kyle would be happy or indifferent about cartman’s death are mischaracterising him so badly. like. come on. you don’t have to ship kyman to understand this would be a major shock for him and he would possibly even blame himself. think whatever you want, but they’re still best friends no matter what.

then, um, i think that only three people would actually react to cartman’s death properly, and it’s stan, butters and kyle. but stan’s reaction would be something similar to s5e13 “kenny dies”, because he would freak out about one of his friends dying, not because it’s exactly cartman. then goes butters who doesn’t really understand the concept of dying but is still pretty confused and scared. they’re very close so it would hurt butters. kenny doesn’t show any strong emotions, but that is because he’s used to death and anyway he’ll definitely meet cartman in hell.

what about kyle, though, i’m pretty sure that he won’t believe this news for a single second for, like, several days. he would convince everyone it’s “One of these stupid pranks, come on, dude, don’t tell me he managed to fool you”. and although most of the people didn’t believe cartman’s death the first second, kyle would be stubborn enough to deny reality for almost a week. he would look at cartman’s dead body and be like “Wow, that’s almost convincing, you really outdid yourself, Fatass. This fake corpse must’ve really cost you a fortune” and everyone else around him has no idea how to tell him it’s true.

he would stand at cartman’s funeral with the most bored and irritated face saying loudly: “Okay, Fatass, we get it, you tricked us all, bravo, now cut this shit off already, it’s not even funny anymore”, making liane cry even more desperately.

but then there went five days, then a week, and kyle finally started to realise the truth because cartman is too hyperactive to do this kind of prank for so long, he would definitely get bored and show up after, like, two days of disappearance.

and kyle really understood that while everyone else was mourning he was being a dick not even letting himself think for a single minute that this all might be real. like. he couldn’t even imagine a thought of the world without cartman, it just seemed so wrong so he really preferred acting like it’s all fake. and it made him feel so, so guilty. i’m pretty sure at that moment he almost forgot every horrible thing cartman had done to kyle, he just kept thinking about positive moments and he started missing cartman so badly. he wouldn’t admit it to anyone, even to himself, probably, but his life without cartman was somehow incomplete.

and then the rage came. we know how kyle tends to overreact and do something massive when he feels negative emotions, right? like, he tried to burn down the school because of the girls’ list, he freaking nuked canada after seeing cartman and heidi dating and being left behind, and i’m pretty sure there are plenty of examples.

so no matter how cartman died he would try to compensate it somehow. he didn’t know how to deal with this grief and shock so he tried to fight with the reason. did cartman die ‘cause of doctors incompetence? then kyle will sue the goddamn hospital cartman died at. car accident? he will organise a picket about drivers’ carelessness and send the person who hit cartman to jail. and so on, so on.

and everyone would be surprised and he would make excuses like “I’m not doing it because of Cartman, it’s just… it’s a big problem in our country, I want justice, that’s all”.

but he would blame himself. for his constant fights with cartman, for his disbelief the first days, for letting cartman die like this and not being around. and he started to think about their friendship when cartman was alive and–

kyle: It’s been two weeks, and I still can’t believe it, Stan. In my mind he’s still here and I expect to see him at the bus stop every morning. Is it normal?..

stan: I know how you feel. It’s hard for all of us, dude.

kyle: I mean, why did it take me so long to understand he wasn’t joking?

stan: Well, you guys were sort of archrivals, so I guess it’s not surprising...

kyle: Huh… we were, weren’t we?…

and it’s so heartbreaking.

#kyman #south park #eric cartman #sp #sp kyman #kyle x cartman #cartman x kyle #kyle broflovski #kyman headcanon

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verybadatwriting · 2 years

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Dog Tags

Summary: Some bullies take teasing a step too far.

Warnings: Stereotypical bullies, anger issues, bottling up emotions, violence

Notes: Papa/Pa= Steve, Dad/Dada = Bucky. No pairing. Reader is Steve and Bucky's adopted daughter. Prequel here!

Fem!reader

Word count: 1,364

Age 1-5

When you were born, 1939, Hydra got you. You underwent four years of experiments that gave you the gift of prophecy and enhanced physical strength. Random visions of the future came to you once or twice a week, but they were heralded by you losing consciousness.

Four years later, a group led by Captain America took down the lab you were being kept in. You formed a close father-daughter bond with the men who rescued you, James ‘Bucky’ Barnes and Steve Rogers. For two years you stayed with them as they continued fighting against the Axis Powers and formed the Howling Commandos.

It was then discovered that you had a severe heart defect. If left untreated, it would most likely kill you. On December 26th 1944, they placed you in a specially made freezing chamber in the hopes that future medical advances would make your condition treatable. While you were frozen, you still received visions.

Age 6

Decades later, you were unfrozen. You were technically in your 60’s, but by all accounts still a six-year-old. You lived with your adoptive Papa Steve, who ensured you got the medical treatments needed, and had a relatively normal childhood despite the out of the ordinary first six years. He told you that your Dad Bucky was gone, which you didn’t fully believe.

“But I saw him!” You protested.

“I know,” Steve replied, “We used to see him every day. Now we won’t get to see him again.”

“No!” You shouted, “I saw him doing things he hasn’t done yet!”

“Y/n/n,” Steve shushed, “This is a hard thing for both of us. Please stop trying to give me hope. He’s gone. That’s the end of it.”

When both of you had calmed down, Steve pulled out a little box.

“Kid?” He got your attention, “Do you remember what these are?”

“Yeah. They’re his dog tags.”

“Do you want to keep them?” He asked. You nodded in reply, and put them on. From that day forward you rarely took off your Dad’s tags.

Age 8

At school, you kept your head down, four formative years in a strict evil lab will make you very keen to follow the rules and not be noticed. Your increased strength made you afraid you would hurt someone, so you never fought back. Because of this, bullies targeted you. They were a few years older, and notorious all throughout your middle school.

One day they went a step too far by yanking your Dad’s dog tags right off your neck. The main guy, Kennith Reid, tossed them to Tyler, who tossed them to another boy. They went around and around the circle.

“Give them back.” You said evenly.

“What’re you gonna do?” Tyler asked, “Cry to your Papa? Who did you say he was, Captain America? I don’t believe it. I think you lied.”

“No.”

“Tyler,” Kennith said, catching the dog tags, “What do you think she’d do if we started breaking up this little chain?”

“Don’t.”

“Oh Kennie, is she getting mad?”

“I think so T.” Kennith said, and he broke off a few inches of the chain. You stood up, and started to take off your hoodie.

“Why are you taking off your stupid frog hoodie?” Tyler jeered.

“I don’t want to get your blood on it.” Removing your hoodie revealed how much that Hydra had influenced you. Muscles far beyond what any teenager had, much less an eight-year-old like yourself.

Wordlessly, you swung at him. It connected, hard. His nose splintered and he fell to the ground. Kennith’s pals had a split second of panic, as the blood drained from their faces in fear, but you didn’t stop. You went after every single one of them, being very careful not to injure them too badly. Kennith’s nose was the worst one.

He was the ringleader, so he deserved it.

A few moments later, they were all sufficiently beaten up, you took back your Dad’s dog tags, and knelt down next to them.

“You’re never going to pick on anyone again, understood?”

“Ye - yeah,” He hastily said, “Got it. Mhm. 100%. We won’t bully you.”

“No. You won’t bully anyone. Not me. Not Jess, not Caroline, not Xavier. None of us. Are we clear?”

“Crystal.”

Obviously, parents were called. Your Papa was probably off on some mission, although he said he’d be back today. It didn’t matter. If he wasn’t available Auntie Nat would step in. You sat on one side of the table, waiting for someone to join you. Your new principal, who had recently replaced a beloved one, sat across from you. Her name was Ms. Katz.

“Ms. Y/l/n,” Your principal said after waiting for ten minutes, “Do you know your mother’s phone number?”

“With all due respect, Ms. Katz” You said, “She’s dead.”

“Oh,” She inhaled, “I see.”

“My aunt should be joining us soon.” Right on cue Ms. Romanoff waltzed in.

“Thank you for waiting,” She began, “I came as soon as I could.”

“No problem, thank you for joining us.” Ms. Katz said, “You are here because Y/n has exhibited some concerning behavior. She repeatedly hit her peers, resulting in one receiving a broken nose.”

“That doesn’t sound like her. Have you asked her why she did it?” Nat asked.

“This school has a Zero-Tolerance Policy for physical violence or bullying of any sort, no matter the reason.” Ms. Katz replied, “So we didn’t need to ask.”

“That sounds like a recipe for more violence.” Nat said.

“We’re not here to debate policy.” Ms. Katz said, “She will be receiving a two week suspension, and I’m afraid this will go on her permanent record.”

“Oh no.” Was your deadpan response. “Can’t let anyone know I retaliated when provoked. Woe is me.”

Nat flashed you a proud smile, and continued.

“Y/n, I haven’t yet gotten to hear your perspective. I think there’s a little more to it than simply whacking a kid.”

“I don’t believe that’s a good use of our time togeth-” Ms. Katz began, and was shortly cut off.

“No,” Nat said, “Let her talk. I need to know what happened before I decide what to do.”

“I just want you to know we’re not reconsidering the suspension.”

“Fine by me. Continue, Y/n.”

“They snagged Dad’s dog tags off my neck. I told them to give them back. They didn’t. This was the final straw. For the past two years I’ve endured their teasing, and so have countless others. I didn’t beat them up just to get the tags back, I did it to win this fight, and the next ones too. Now they’ll leave me alone, and the others, too.”

“Ms. Katz,” Nat turned to your principal, “I would just like to thank you. Y/n and I will enjoy these next two weeks off. I want you to know that she will be receiving no punishment at home.”

The intercom on Ms. Katz’s desk buzzed.

“There’s someone here to see y-”

“Tell them to wait.” She cut them off, “Very well then. I also wanted to address her chronic lying.”

“Tell me more.”

“She insists her family is full of superheroes and spies.” She pulled out a drawing, “Here, she even drew this when we were supposed to be making family portraits.” The drawing was of you, Auntie Nat, your Dad, your Papa, Uncles Tony, Thor, Bruce, and Clint, the whole crew. After a pause, Auntie Nat nodded.

“This is just about right.” She smiled, “My hair used to be wavy, if that’s what you’re concerned about.”

“No,” Ms. Katz sighed, “She insists she lives with the Avengers! Don’t you see? She strings up wild stories about fighting Nazis and being frozen in a time capsule!”

“They’re true.” Nat’s phone buzzed. “And I can prove it. Tell your receptionist to let in the other visitor.”

Ms. Katz complied, the door opened, and Steve walked in. She stared agape for a moment, before regaining composure.

“That… That will be all, thank you.”

“Have you been reading Ender’s Game again?” Auntie Nat asked on the ride back to Steve’s apartment.

“Maybe…” You grinned, “Okay yeah.”

“Thought so, that speech sounded a bit familiar.”

Part two here!

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strscrossed · 10 months

Note

Idk if this may be too much for some people people but Mikasa in the hospital after accidentally ODing ( or whatever they call it) after having a bad argument with Eren

oh boy! you know idk if you were expecting a ficlet but i ended up writing this because it fit the breaking point of this whole story perfectly. trigger warnings are in the tags.

“I’m sorry, we had to take her to the hospital—”

Eren broke at least ten different traffic laws. He ran more than a few red lights. It was a miracle there wasn’t a cop hanging around there.

It didn’t matter.

“If you want to walk out that door, fine! Don’t fucking call me ever again!”

Why the fuck did he say that? Why? Why? Why?

He couldn’t think straight at all anymore. He just needed to see her. In his own stupid pride, he’d sent Ymir and Historia to check on her because he was still too angry to do it himself. Why did he do that? Why didn’t he just run after her? Why was he such an idiot?

He could have prevented this. He was the reason it happened at all!

He ran past the hospital staff, the nurses, and some doctors. Ymir and Historia were waiting there. Historia’s eyes were bloodshot and Ymir’s arms were around her comfortingly.

“Hey, it wasn’t your fault, okay?” she soothed. “We found her in time. She’ll be okay.”

“Where is she?” Eren asked, winded.

The two girls looked up at him. Obviously they were distraught but Eren really didn’t have it in him right now to give a damn about their feelings. He just needed to see her.

“With the doctors,” Ymir answered. “They told us to wait out here.”

He couldn’t fucking wait. He had to see her now!

He was about to book it but a hand reached out and harshly pulled him back. He growled but it was Ymir and she absolutely wouldn’t back down.

“Don’t do anything stupid. That’s not going to help her, you idiot. So you can park your ass right here or get escorted out by security. I guarantee, that won’t help.”

“She needs me!” he argued.

“She’ll be fine. Sit. Down!”

Somehow, Ymir had gotten the strength to drag him down. She glared at him and honestly, Eren didn’t care. But he was close to tears.

They’d had such an amazing summer. He really thought there was progress, improvement even. Things had been happening between the two of them. The light was actually returning to her eyes.

And it all came crashing down because his idiot friends had decided to break out the booze and everything was back to square one. When they’d gotten home, they had their worst fight ever and several heated words were exchanged.

And he’d sent her over the edge. She was in the hospital now.

Why was he always hurting her?

“Eren,” Historia broke him out of his thoughts. “It’s not your fault.”

“Don’t. Just don’t, okay?” he said it so quietly that even he couldn’t hear himself.

Yes, it was his fault.

At least half of her misery was his fault. And the realization that he couldn’t make up for it, that he might actually lose her this time was just too much. He just had to see her.

He just wanted to know that she was alive and breathing…

Seeing Mikasa — strong, beautiful Mikasa — hooked to tubes broke him. He didn’t think there was anything else in the world at this point that could and it was this.

They couldn’t reach Kenny or Levi, their phones were off. Fucking perfect.

He sat by her side but she didn’t regain consciousness. They had to keep her here and monitor her overnight at the very least. Eren didn’t argue. There wasn’t anything that he could say. Ymir and Historia remained outside, calling everyone for him.

She looked so fragile that it broke his heart. He was scared to even grab her hand, fearing she might shatter into a million pieces.

Eren allowed his tears to fall.

“I’m sorry, Mika. I’m so, so sorry…”

He thought back to that day last October, when she’d finally let him in, he vowed that he would always be there for. He swore up and down that he would never leave her behind again.

Now it seemed like she might leave him behind. And this time, he wouldn’t be able to do anything about it. It terrified him. Living without her wasn’t an option for him. If she went, he’d go with her. He knew himself too well.

He knew he couldn’t fix this either and maybe that was the most heartbreaking realization of all this. She was in the hospital.

His father walked in minutes later and placed a gentle hand on his shoulder.

“Eren…”

Eren never broke down in front of his father. He hardly broke down in front of anyone anymore. But months worth of pain, anger, desperation, and love poured out of him and he was reduced to a crying heap. It was too much.

“She’ll be fine, son.”

No, no she wouldn’t. Even if she lived through this, she wouldn’t be okay. She’d still be suffering in silence, she’d still turn to the bottle when there was nothing else.

“Dad, we need to tell Kenny,” he choked out. Another promise he’d made was that he’d never get Kenny or Levi involved in this. They weren’t the nurturing types and Mikasa knew that. It was the only thing she’d ever asked of him.

He was breaking it now. He had to.

It was just like before. He wanted to be with her more than anything but in his selfishness, he’d caused her more pain. He needed to think of her and what was good for her.

She might never talk to him again after this but that was fine. As long as she’d be okay. He wanted her. But he loved her more.

Forgive me, Mikasa. Please…

#answered #high school reincarnation au #tw: alcholism #tw: hospital #tw: overdose #eremika #ficlet

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theferricfox · 1 year

Note

eruri for eruri😏 guess what? it’s hurt comfort again🧍🏻❤️ please ignore this if it’s triggering, bc it has to do with physical abuse and sh

Erwin saying something along the lines of “I won’t judge you. You can say anything, and I won’t abandon you.” in response to burns (ones from cigarettes) on levi’s arms that erwin sees, and thinks at first that they’re self inflicted. it turns out that was a method kenny used to discipline him. 🥲

GEE!!!!

Such a good ask. Made me dig deep for this one to pull some stuff I'm not so great at writing and also RIP my search history now.

CONTENT WARNINGS!!! Physical abuse; child abuse; implied self-harm (just for a second); cigarettes and smoking; scars.

It’s summer, and Erwin is stunning in a plain white T-shirt and casual pants on their day off. Levi loves when he wears short sleeves; the swell of thick muscle rolling down his arms, the sight unimpeded by fabric, is enough to make Levi’s mouth water. He wants to kiss his way up and down those arms, trading the electric sensation of Erwin’s skin on his mouth for delicate, teasing open-mouthed kisses.

The sun is high and bright, lending a vibrant tone to the Survey Corps HQ grounds. It also makes it unbearably hot, and Levi fights a wince as another bead of sweat trickles down his back. As is his habit, Levi wears a long sleeve button-up shirt, cravat tied at his throat, and dress pants. He’s dressed this way every day since he came to the Surface, but it has never been this hot; the newspapers are calling it a record summer. Levi very much hopes it is not.

Erwin walks next to him, talking endlessly about the next expedition, just one short month away, and Levi finally jabs his elbow playfully into the man’s waist.

“C’mon now, we’re on our day off,” Levi grouses. “The least you could do is enjoy it without talking shop. If not for your sake, then for mine.”

Erwin laughs in that deep and hearty way that sends Levi’s heart galloping and pats him on the shoulder.

“Sorry. I suppose you’re right.”

“It’s too damn hot,” Levi complains in response. He makes to roll up his sleeve, checks himself, and places his arms back at his sides.

Erwin pauses just a beat too long, and Levi knows the question that is pressing at the edge of his mouth. He sets his jaw and looks resolutely ahead, ignoring the blue eyes boring into him.

“Would you like to go back inside?” Erwin asks. His hesitant tone makes it clear he’s still struggling with how to broach the subject at the front of his mind.

“A shower would be nice,” Levi says instead of actually replying. “I need to get the sweat off of me.”

The men steal away to Erwin’s quarters, locking the door behind them and Levi makes for the bathroom. He’s stopped by a hand at his elbow, and he turns to see that same look in Erwin’s eyes that he had outside.

“I know you have something to say to me, so you might as well just come out and say it,” Levi says, a little more angrily than he means to.

“It’s just…” Erwin hesitates, chews his words for a moment, then breathes. Levi can’t recall a time he’s seen Erwin this nervous. “I’ve just realized that you always wear long sleeves, Levi. Even when we’re in bed together. I know the most intimate parts of you, but I don’t know what you look like under those shirts.”

Levi feels himself tense from his toes to his jaw and realizes then that he hasn’t exactly been clandestine about the fact that he never wears short sleeves. How many times has he been in Erwin’s bed, sleeping or fucking or just talking without any clothes below his waist but a long-sleeved grey shirt covering his chest and arms?

Erwin, to his credit, has never once asked about it before today. He’s always taken this fact as perhaps some other peculiarity about his lover, like his need for cleanliness or love of tea. For his easy acceptance of such a quirk, he deserves an explanation, Levi thinks, though it terrifies him to think of what the consequences of this knowledge will be.

Still, Levi guides Erwin to the bed and motions for him to sit down. Erwin pauses for the briefest of moments before he sits on the edge of the mattress, hunched slightly as he leans his forearms onto his legs and waits.

Levi moves to stand in front of Erwin – now eye level with him – and hesitates. He’s never shown his arms to anyone on the Surface. In the Underground, it didn’t matter. He was one among many like this, but up here? It’s impossible to know how Erwin will react, and the uncertainty has his heart threatening to burst out of his chest.

Slowly, Levi unties his cravat and slips it out from under his collar, folding it and setting it aside on the table. He takes a deep breath and undoes the top two buttons, pauses, and then undoes the rest as he searches Erwin’s face for any hint of a reaction. Erwin remains still, his expression impassive but intent. Sliding his shirt open to reveal his chest, he sees Erwin’s eyes widen slightly, watches him lick his lips and shift slightly in his seat.

Levi knows there’s no going back now. He’s committed, and he has to see this to the end, whatever that may be. So he slips one arm and then the other from the sleeves of his shirt, sets it aside, and stands in front of Erwin, exposed as he’s ever been to anyone. Heat swelters in his face and chest as he watches Erwin look at him and really see him for the first time.

He wants to run. He almost, almost, wants to run right back to the Underground and hide in the darkness, away from this embodiment of the sun sitting before him, his mouth slowly falling open to gape at the dozens of circular scars covering his arms from wrist to shoulder.

By now, they are so old that they no longer have the raw pink puckered appearance they used to, but the ragged look they lend to his skin is such a contrast to the perfect pale flesh that he shows to the rest of the world that his arms might as well belong to someone else entirely. Nearly every inch of them is scarred, save for his elbows, and the sheer quantity of them should still be shocking to him, he thinks, if he hadn’t counted them endlessly into nonchalance. Two hundred and seventy-three.

Slowly, gingerly, Erwin reaches a hand out to take hold of one of Levi’s wrists and he recoils slightly, seized by instinct. He regrets the reflex immediately, seeing the look in Erwin’s eyes as he pushes himself to relax his muscles and lets his arm become limp in the other man’s grasp.

Erwin pulls Levi’s arm up and out, slowly rotating it to see the scars strewn on the other side, and his face twists into something like misery as he runs one thick finger along the marred flesh, feeling the ridged start and end of every scar as his fingertip passes over it. There’s a particularly nasty one that causes Erwin to pause his trail; it digs a small pit into the meat of his bicep, the skin left behind like a bruise that never faded away. The touch of it makes Erwin gasp and those beautiful blue eyes lift to stare into Levi’s, the silver gone cold and dull as he’s struggled to keep his composure. He watches as Erwin’s mouth works open and then closed again several times before a dry rasp whispers into the air between them.

“Are these cigarette burns, Levi?”

Always so fucking direct. Of course Erwin would just come right out and say it instead of trying to dance around the question. Levi can’t decide if it’s a mercy that Erwin didn’t make him say the words out loud himself.

“Yeah,” he responds quietly. He wants to look away, he needs to look away from Erwin, but he can’t. He’s trapped, held in place by the man’s gaze.

“Did you do this to yourself?”

Levi clenches his jaw and finally pulls his eyes away to look at the wall. He doesn’t know how to respond. Either answer would open the door to so many questions, ones that he doesn’t want to answer, and he isn’t sure he could answer them, not with the devastated look in Erwin’s eyes sinking into his chest.

Clearly, Erwin takes his silence as an affirmative because he sighs heavily and hangs his head, still holding onto Levi’s wrist. Absently, Erwin’s thumb rubs gentle circles along the perimeter of one of the scars. He seems to be gathering his thoughts and, as much as Levi is happy to let him do that for the rest of eternity so that he doesn’t have to have this conversation instead, the silence is so stifling he thinks he might suffocate on the spot.

“Can you tell me why?” Erwin says at last. “Why do you have…so very many burns?”

The question catches Levi off guard. Erwin didn’t ask him why Levi did this to himself; he’s asked why he has so many. Thinking about it, Levi realizes that answer would probably hurt Erwin more and that means that, as usual, he’s being a selfish bastard; taking the brunt of the pain for himself to try to alleviate that of others.

“Please,” Erwin says as Levi remains silent. His eyes raise again, and he’s pleading with all the power of the sky in those irises. “Please Levi, talk to me. I won’t judge you. You can say anything, anything at all, and I promise you I won’t abandon you.”

The words freeze Levi’s blood in his veins. Leave it to Erwin to know what’s on Levi’s mind without his having to say a single fucking word. Beautiful, bold Erwin, looking as broken as Levi feels, being this exposed.

Levi closes his eyes, takes a deep breath.

“I didn’t. I didn’t do this to myself.”

Erwin’s expression shifts, so subtly that most would probably not have noticed, but Levi knows him. He knows him so well that he spots it easily, the relief that settles quickly into the knowledge that someone did this to Levi, and the rage of that realization, and the conviction to make that person pay. Erwin’s jaw works, and Levi knows the next question, so he continues to talk instead of having to hear it.

“After Ma…after my mother died, I was raised by a man who apparently knew her. He was the one that taught me to fight, to steal, to do whatever I had to to survive. And when I didn’t do what he said, or got caught stealing, or lost a fight, he would punish me.” Levi swallows thickly, fighting the desperate urge boiling within him to pull away from Erwin, grab his shirt, and leave. “His favourite method of punishment was to burn me with his cigarettes. ‘A very reliable method of punishment,’ he used to say. ‘Leaves a mark every single time so you’ll never forget it.’”

“And he…clearly thought you needed to be punished often,” Erwin says quietly.

Levi shrugs.

“For a while, it was every day. If I cried, he’d do it again, usually in a place that he’d already burned and was healing. I learned to just grit my teeth and endure it, since the crying just made it worse.”

Levi takes Erwin’s hand from his wrist and moves it back to the deep scar on his bicep, pressing both their fingers into the pit as though together, they could fill it and make the flesh whole again.

“This one.” Levi pauses, breathes, gathers himself. “This one…I tried to ambush him when he came to the room I stayed in. I was sick of him kicking the shit out of me, sick of him, and so when he walked in the room, I snuck out from behind the door and attacked him. I don’t know what the hell I was thinking; I was still just a brat, maybe eleven or so, but I had stayed up all night planning how I would do it, you know?

“So I get him in the side with my knife, just a bit and he just grabs me by the throat and lifts me up like I weigh nothing at all and slams me into the floor over and over again until I pass out. And then I wake up to this searing pain in my arm and he’s got the cigarette there and he’s holding it steady, not just a quick grind into my skin like he usually does.

“It hurt like hell, and I’m screaming and trying to wriggle away but he’s tied me down and I can’t move at all, and he just lets the cigarette burn against my arm, twisting it every once in a while, and the whole time he’s saying, ‘Who the fuck do you think you are, runt? You think you’re tough shit, huh? Ungrateful bastard, after everything I’ve done for you. This time I’m really going to teach you a fuckin’ lesson.’”

Levi lets Erwin’s hand go and their arms fall together with a feeling of finality that’s settling into the room.

“He kept me like that, tied up for a week, I think. No food, just little sips of rancid water. He’d leave me in the room in the dark for hours or days – I don’t know – and whenever he came back, he’d dig the scab out of my skin and burn it again so that he was burning into muscle by the fourth or fifth time. At one point I just told him to kill me; I didn’t want to deal with that pain anymore, and he said I didn’t deserve to die; that would be too easy for me.”

A heavy pause settles between them and Levi lets himself soak in the shame he feels at his admission. Surely now, he thinks, Erwin will ask him to leave. He’ll forbid Levi from his bed, only conceding to speak with him as colleagues. He won’t be able to stand looking at this man, despite his strength now, as anything other than disgusting; a repugnant, damaged cur unworthy of the sun he’s been gifted.

Levi doesn’t anticipate Erwin grabbing his arm and pulling him in, wrapping thick arms around him, nor does he expect the man holding onto him to shake with grief.

“I’m so sorry, Levi,” Erwin whispers into his neck. “I’m so sorry you had to go through that. Thank you for telling me.”

For a short moment, Levi is dumbstruck, lost in the emotion swelling within him at the embrace. His arms hang dumbly at his sides as he struggles to reconcile what’s happening. Slowly, he reaches up to wrap his arms around Erwin, resting his hands on broad shoulder blades.

“You…aren’t disgusted with me?” Levi asks, and he curses himself for how shaky his voice is. “You don’t want me to leave?”

Erwin pulls away, moving his hands to cup Levi’s face and stares at him intently.

“Leave? Levi, I love you. Nothing is going to change that. And certainly not a few scars.”

Erwin gently pulls Levi’s face towards him and kisses him so slowly that Levi feels his breath catch between them. That captured breath hovers between their lips, pregnant with shame and grief, as Levi pulls back to speak.

“It’s not a few, Erwin. It’s two hundre–”

He’s silenced by another kiss, this one deep and passionate, with Erwin’s tongue pushing into his mouth and pressing against his own. Levi moans into the kiss even as the back of his head continues to scream his insecurities.

“I don’t care how many there are,” Erwin says when they part, panting and connected by a trail of spit. “Those scars aren’t ugly. They don’t make you a bad person. They’re proof that you’ve lived. You’ve lived and come through some terrible things as the man I love, and I will always love you, every day, for the rest of my life.”

Levi lets himself absorb those words, so foreign sounding in his ears, and struggles to hold back tears pricking at the edges of his eyes. He leans forward, resting his forehead on Erwin’s, and chuckles.

“You’re such a hopeless romantic, you know that?” Levi whispers.

“So you’ve told me,” Erwin says through a smile.

Levi lets Erwin pick him up and put him on the bed and undress him, and the look in Erwin’s eyes as he finally – fully – sees him is enough to make his heart burst in his chest. Levi accepts Erwin’s kiss, so loving and tender, and finds himself reveling in the touch of plump lips trailing to press against his jaw, down his neck, and across his collarbone. His breath catches in his throat when Erwin lays small, barely-there kisses on his scars, pressing his tongue into the deep one on his bicep.

Erwin turns Levi’s arm, kissing every scarred inch he can find, apparently determined to mark every scar with love, and each touch of those lips sends electricity through Levi’s body like he’s never felt before. His fear washes away slowly, as steadily as a stone worn smooth by the passing of a river, and it’s replaced by a warmth that makes him feel as though he’s pressed against the sun.

And indeed, when he looks down to see Erwin’s golden hair traveling across his abdomen, the phantom sensation of lips trailing down his navel, he thinks that part of the sun is here with him right now. And this piece, beautiful and tender, loving and accepting, belongs to him, and he is the luckiest man alive to have plucked this little bit for his own.

#tw: cigarettes #tw; cigarettes #erwin smith #levi ackerman #eruri #give me eruri or give me death #tw: mentions of physical abuse #tw: mentions of child abuse

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bipabrena · 2 years

Text

Because We’re Family (Kenny-Levi-Erwin centred fic) chapter 19.

A fic where SNK is rewritten from the start. Kenny steps up as a parent for Levi. Many years later, Erwin accidentally crosses paths with Kenny, the one ghost of his past, and blackmails him and Levi into joining the Survey Corps. Because of his relationship with the Reiss, Kenny has vital information about humanity, and he makes his own deductions that will change everything for the story. All canon arcs will be rewritten, until the time to fight the outside world comes. Main pair is eventual Eruri (huge enemies to lovers). Read here.

They could hear the soldiers working, even from up here. Without an upcoming expedition to train for, the soldiers had to focus on more menial work. Today, a section of the barracks commuted from the gates to the mess hall. The shipments of food for the next three months had arrived, and it was hefty work to unload everything from the multiple wagons.

Kenny watched them aloofly from the window.

They will all die, he thought. It could be in a year, five years, or perhaps not in their lifetime. But their children could be killed, or their children’s children, and so on. Many generations may pass before that day comes, but it was a fact they would die.

This world will crumble, Uri and Frieda had said. And the First King corroborated it.

The Subjects of Ymir. They had to pay for whatever sins the Eldians of the past committed. The outside world will pay whatever violence they ever inflicted ten times in turn.

His sombre eyes did not waver as the voices in the room grew increasingly louder. Despite being right next to them, he couldn’t make out what Erwin and the others were saying. A disagreement, perhaps. Either way, his mind was not in it. He couldn’t focus and, frankly, unless directly addressed, he didn’t care.

He brought his fist to his lips, eyes still focused on the soldiers that carried dozens upon dozens of crates with flour bags.

A hand touched his shoulder. It took him one, two, three seconds to react. He looked back to find Flagon, who seemed a bit too grim. There was also a certain gentleness in his eyes. He’d sure mellowed down to him in the last two months, Kenny recognised. “You can move ahead, pack your things and do what you want until midday. We’ll finish up here.”

Kenny briefly glanced at the working soldiers one last time and left the room without a word. The silence with which he left lingered in the air. The remaining men were reluctant to break it.

“I think we’re ready,” Erwin said later as he took a final glance at the documents.

“Then we’d best move on now,” added Lutz with urgency. “Kit and Soren need us, and we have a regiment to save. Commander, is there anything else?”

“No, that will be all. Make haste. I’ll stay here, as we still need a backup plan,” Shadis said. “I already have a meeting set with a financial and legal advisor. Like Dorian said, we must be prepared for the possibility you won’t get this done in time.”

The soldiers all seemed to agree, but a loud sigh brought their attention to Dorian.

He reluctantly placed his file on the table. “Commander, I’m… sorry, but I can’t do this.”

Their brows rose.

“I didn’t sign up for this. I didn’t sign up to deceive a fellow soldier by using his child, regardless of who that soldier used to be. And we don’t even know what he might do to get the information, since the stakes are so high for him. People may get hurt, and I can’t be a part of that. I have a few days off accumulated and I request to use them in the following days.”

Erwin and his friends could only be astonished by this. By the looks of it, so was Shadis.

“Section Commander,” Erwin intervened, “I apologise for my impudence as I do not intend to question your authority, but we could use your help for this. It’s for the greater good of the regiment.”

Flagon and Lutz silently agreed. Having their Section Commander would make them feel a lot safer. He’d always taken care of them, after all.

“I stand by my words and have no further comment to add,” Dorian replied.

Erwin didn’t seem to like this.

“And no further comment is required,” Shadis spoke after a brief silence. “Take your time off, Anja will take your place in the headquarters for now. This is a good time for anyone hesitating to back down from this.”

From the rest, the only one who seemed unsure was Flagon. His brows were furrowed, and his lips tight. He was clearly very tempted to back down.

He slowly moved to place his folder on the table, but gave his friends a final glimpse. He watched Mike, the calculated Erwin, and the frowning Lutz. From them all, it was Lutz with his pitiful eyepatch that affected him the most.

He couldn’t bear to leave his best friend.

He stopped and held the folder to his chest. Erwin let out a silent breath of relief.

Dorian waited no further and, visibly disappointed with not only Flagon but also the rest, left the room.

“Very well,” said Shadis. “You may leave now. Get ready, wait for Kenny and go. Keep me updated and, above all, stay safe.”

“Sir,” they saluted.

They individually went to their rooms to pack their belongings. Essentials, their documents and a gun each from the armoury. When they were near the gates to await their carriage, they perked up cautiously when Kenny and Dorian crossed paths from afar.

“Are you not ready to leave yet?” Kenny asked, luggage in hand. “I was told the carriage would arrive at noon. I didn’t take ya to be tardy.”

“I will not be partaking in the mission.”

“... Because?” asked Kenny when silence lingered. He wondered about the frown on Dorian’s face.

“I…” Dorian’s eyes moved down. “I, uh…”

What he was struggling to say didn’t seem to be easy, Kenny noticed. Like it weighed on him.

“I… I, I…”

“Well, don’t pop a vein, will ya?” Kenny jested, although his face was perfectly serious. “See ya, then.”

Dorian watched him saunter away, and he surprised himself when he reflexively called Kenny’s name. Kenny turned to look at him, waiting.

Don’t go. We’re lying to you. We’re lying.

Dorian wanted to say it, he was struggling not to, and Erwin could tell. Should he intervene?

“Be careful,” is what Dorian managed to say.

Kenny said nothing, his gaze simply lingered on Dorian a few more seconds, and then he left. He did appreciate the concern, however. Dorian had always been kind to him and Levi.

He reached Erwin and the rest, but did not greet them. He remained in silence, eyes in the distance, as he patiently waited for the carriage. The others didn’t dare speak. They couldn’t, and even when it arrived, and they were safely on their way to the river canal, they still didn’t manage a word.

Kenny seemed too calm, they individually thought. He even seemed to be enjoying himself when he produced a book from his bag and he read away.

They couldn’t tell whether this was good or bad.

When they reached the river canal, they sailed because it was the fastest mode of transportation. They reached their destination in under two hours. They disembarked and hauled a carriage to midtown. Erwin’s throat clenched as he walked out of it. The last time he’d done this, everything had gone wrong. Kit and Soren had arrived hours later, only for them to be taken from him, now held off who knew where.

He wasn’t alone now, though.

He felt at ease when seeing Lutz, Mike and Flagon by his side. The world seemed to get much smaller, however, and the air seemed to feel much tighter, more constricted as Kenny was the last to leave the carriage, pressing his hat with one hand as he walked out. His presence seemed to dwarf everyone else's, even when Mike was by far the largest and tallest of the group.

The initial plan had been to check at an inn with strategic positioning, although one different from the Aquatic Pub. Erwin didn’t want them to stay in the same tavern Ennis had already busted them in. So, they wanted one that was strategic, but Kenny had been quick to shut this down.

“We’re staying at my old place,” is what he stated. His tone made it clear he wasn’t suggesting or negotiating.

“Your cabin?”

“No,” Kenny was quick to respond. “Home is sacred, ya don’t let filth in it.”

Funny, Erwin thought. Levi had been quick to tell him the same thing when he’d asked to be let in his room.

“No, we’re going to my old place. In the Underground.”

They all stiffened immediately. Lutz gulped heavily, clearly more taken aback than the others. He absolutely did not want to return to that place.

“May I ask why?” spoke Erwin.

“It’s just better,” is all Kenny said.

He began walking with purpose, and the others were reluctant to follow. When they realised Kenny would move on with or without them, they felt they had no choice. Erwin was the first to move, and by reflex the others followed.

They entered the Underground and reached his old home without issues. Even here, the strongest gang would think twice before taking on five large, strong men who walked with purpose and straight faces. From the would-be robber’s perspective, there was a chance they could all be armed. So, an attack was highly unlikely.

Kenny felt a sense of nostalgia as he turned the lights on. His eyes centred on the whisky table, where he’d usually sit to drink and read, then lingered on the living room where the table would usually be crooked so that Levi would have space to train and practise his moves.

It was all perfectly organised now. As clean as any home that had been left unattended could be, but it wasn’t soulless despite the lack of inhabitants.

“It’s… a lot nicer than I thought it would be,” admitted Flagon.

The other men ambled around the place, not quite finding themselves.

“We’ll need to do some light shopping, as there’s nothing to cook, and we can’t rely on inns for every meal,” Kenny instructed. “Some of us can head for the markets whilst the rest stay cleaning up. There are still some supplies around here.”

“Good idea,” said Erwin. “Let’s divide the chores so we can get to work.”

Mike and Erwin would shop for supplies. Food, a few pots and pans and some cleaning supplies. Kenny guided Lutz and Flagon to the nearby well so they could haul water for both cleaning and consumption. He then left them to their devices, excusing himself for unmentioned reasons, whilst they all kept themselves busy.

Kenny briefly considered the possibility the soldiers could come across Guinne. They wouldn’t recognise him, as from what he’d been told, Guinne had been masked when he’d attacked them, but Guinne would certainly recognise them.

He wasn’t sure whether he should pay him and Moritz a visit to give them a heads-up. Frankly, he was a little lost right now.

Something gnawed at him. Clearly, the soldiers weren’t telling him everything. It was simply so weird for Levi to disappear like this. Somehow he recalled the Ackerman persecution. With enough firepower and men, he understood Levi would be forced to submit. The Ackermans were nearly driven to extinction for that reason. They’d been overwhelmed despite their strength. But Kenny had been a special case, he’d adapted beyond what any other Ackerman ever had. Even as a child. He was so sure Levi would be the same, especially with Kenny’s training.

From what they told him, the innkeeper had told Erwin they’d gone along willingly. What exactly did Ennis, or his men, tell them so they came along? The threat they’d shoot up the place? He understood Kit and Soren would comply, their duties as soldiers would compel them to. But Levi? Surely he could easily sneak away.

With enough threats to innocent life, would Levi submit? Somehow, Kenny was a little afraid to admit he doubted it.

No matter. Those were questions he’d make once he had Levi safe and sound. Yes, that’s what he should be focusing on. Just find him. How he got caught is meaningless.

Just find him.

By the time Kenny was back home, the place was clean and smelled of smoke. Mike and Lutz were working on a meal, simple and not great, and as tasty as they could make it in a place like this. A bubbly potato cream soup with hot crusty bread that was much too stale, and a side of greens. No different from what they already ate in the military, Kenny was disappointed to find.

It’s not that getting used to this food was hard. Not quite. He’d gone hungry for over a decade of his life; he knew what it was like to starve. Still, for a shorter but still considerable chunk of his life he had been used to fancy, delicious foods cooked by the best offered within the Walls. And, after moving out of the Reiss Estate, he’d eaten very well in the time he lived in the cabin with Levi. Levi loved to cook, and Kenny enjoyed doing it alongside him at times. It was a great skill he’d picked up thanks to the Reiss chefs once he decided to shape up for Levi. Going back to eating bland food, well… he wasn’t a fan, but he wouldn’t repel it, either. Fuel was fuel.

They sat down to eat with little conversation, and after Erwin and Flagon finished cleaning up, they all got to work.

They spread their documents over the living room table, and they all huddled around it to discuss their plans of action. First, they of course needed to know their enemy. Once they did, they’d have to think like their enemy to anticipate their moves, and plan appropriate responses.

“The man we’re up against is called Ennis Vernier, the man you encountered that night, Erwin,” said Kenny. “He’s Lovof’s head of security and without a doubt the one in charge of the entire operation.”

Erwin found this curious. Ennis seemed so young the night they met, he wouldn’t have imagined he’d be something as important as head of security for a duke.

“I’d wager since Erwin slipped from his grasp, he’ll be on the lookout for new faces in the interior. He’ll know the Survey Corps won’t give up so easily, but also won’t be so stupid as to send the same person… although, to be fair, they did. He most likely has sentinels placed all over, hence why Kit, Soren and Levi were captured so quickly. The truth we’ll have to face is that, no matter where we go, we’ll have at least one person following us or listening to us. So, we have two ways of doing this: Either we gather real evidence like you want to bring Lovof down, or we simply play the game and force him to back down before the Faction Leaders and the Commander-in-Chief.”

“And how do we play the game?” asked Erwin.

“We don’t have enough time to play fairly. We go straight for where it hurts Lovof; his kids.”

“Wait, what!?” Lutz cried out. “What do you mean by that?”

“We take his kids, obviously,” said Kenny. “Ennis is certainly working behind the scenes, doing far more than… whatever he’s doing to Levi. And Kit and Soren. If anything, that’s a job for his subordinates. If I had to guess, they’re alright. Ennis would be more focused on gathering additional information on the Survey Corps’s response to this.”

“You’re not actually asking us to kidnap children, are you?” Flagon’s throat clenched.

“I'm not asking you to, but I also couldn't give less of a shit how you feel about it. By taking the brats, Ennis will be forced to put whatever he’s doing on hold. His job is to protect everything Lovof owns and loves. Cantaceres means nothing if Lovof’s children are unsafe, and the second they are, it’s Ennis’s job to retrieve them.”

“How many?” asked Erwin.

“He’s got tons of brats, but there’s two who are his favourite,” he raised two fingers. “He’d risk anything for them.”

“We won’t be hurting them, will we?” asked Mike warily.

“‘Course not,” said Kenny sincerely, although a bit too aloofly for their liking. “Unless he doesn’t comply, of course. Then we rearrange some faces or perhaps mail a few body parts. Relax,” he said when Lutz produced a wail. “It won’t come to that. He loves those brats, it’s probably his only redeeming quality.”

“This is no time for sentimentalities,” Erwin reminded curtly when Lutz and Flagon frowned hesitantly. “If Lovof loves his children, we won’t have to hurt anyone. The faster we can get this done, the better.” He looked back at Kenny. “Where do we find them?”

"I can’t tell you that. I’ll be the one to retrieve them. In the meantime, you’ll scatter across Sina to look nice and pretty. We’ll need bait, so you must dress up in the Survey Corps uniform.”

“Wait, are you sure?” Mike’s brows creased. “The whole point of the operation was to be inconspicuous. We shouldn’t be hanging a large sign on our backs.”

“Wrong. You absolutely should hang a large sign on your backs. Like I said, Ennis will be on the lookout for the Survey Corps’ response to this. The faster we can lure his men to us, the better.”

“And what if Ennis anticipates this?” asked Erwin. “He figured me out in a flash. I’m sure he’d anticipate this.”

“He absolutely will, but he’ll still have no choice but to dig in. It’s true our main mission is to make Lovof back down from Cantaceres, but whilst we do that we also have to get Levi’s and your men’s whereabouts. The faster we do that, the better. I trust I don’t have to explain to you what you must do should you lure and capture some of their men.”

Lutz and Flagon gulped heavily.

“You don’t,” said Erwin. “We’ll get it done. I presume in the meantime you’ll retrieve Lovof’s children. Will you bring them down here?”

“I will. And then Lovof will come looking for them.”

“I have a question,” chimed Lutz. “When we go above ground, what exactly do we look for? Erwin said Kit and Soren asked around in the skid rows and, well, look what happened. I know we’re bait, but what do we do? The same as they did?”

“Like I said, your job is to look pretty. You’re bait, that’s all you are. If you can best their men, that’s fine, but I’d prefer it if you got captured.”

“H-hold on, what!?” Lutz shot up from his seat. “No way in Rose’s name, uh-uh! I’m not getting captured to be tortured by anyone! I’m here to rescue the ones getting tortured! I can’t do that i-i-if–”

Kenny was unimpressed by the outburst. “Flagon, please control your woman.”

“Lutz is right to be concerned,” Erwin said, “getting captured isn’t an ideal thought for us.” Lutz seemed happy Erwin agreed that this madness was unacceptable. “But do quiet down, Lutz, please.”

Well, he didn't agree, it seemed. Lutz whined huskily with impatience. “I can’t believe we’re actually considering this!”

Flagon tugged him so that he sat down, which he did.

“Why must we get captured?” Erwin asked.

“Because I want you to lure their men. When Ennis went after ya, it must’ve been to get information on what you had, not just through interrogation. Tangible evidence. Documents. Things you very much have. He’ll want that.”

“And you want us to lure them here?”

“That’s right. At least one of you. If the rest get captured and sent to their hideout, that’s fine, so long as one of ya manages to get ‘ere.”

“But what if you get here with Lovof’s kids? His men will be here and–”

“Yes, they will. What about it?”

“H-hold on,” Flagon defended himself, “I know it sounds like a stupid question, of course it’ll scare them to see their Duke’s children kidnapped, but I mean what if that doesn’t work somehow, and they shoot without asking questions?”

“No need to concern yourself with that. Just do as you're told.”

“You’re asking us to get kidnapped here, man, come on! At least tell us your whole plan!” Lutz’s hand shot up.

“No.”

“Huh!? What do you mean no!?”

“I mean no. Goddamn, you’re annoying. Just get captured, it ain’t as bad as ya think.”

Lutz wailed in complaint.

“If we manage to subdue his men first, do we take them here?” Mike asked.

“Yes.”

Erwin was wary of Kenny’s secrecy.

“What should we expect?” asked Mike. “If we capture them first or if they capture us. Besides the mission to catch you, we’ve never done any operations against humans. Now this with the Ennis guy, it’s–”

“And how did you catch me, exactly?” Kenny asked curiously. “The whole secret thing. Who told you that?”

Mike suddenly wished he hadn’t said anything at all.

“That’s not what we’re here to discuss,” Erwin came to his aid. “Mike’s question is a good one, however. What do you reckon we prepare for?”

“For someone to approach you or try to kidnap you. Dying is something you won’t have to worry about yet, I’d wager.”

“We don’t?” Flagon raised his voice, sounding relieved.

“No, he won’t kill ya. He’s too smart for that.”

“So, while you retrieve Lovof’s children, we should just… go around the interior luring them to us?”

Kenny was growing irritated. “Yes, how many times do I have to say it?”

“Sorry, sorry!” Flagon waved his hands. “I’m just nervous.”

“You won’t die and you probably won’t get tortured, not too badly.”

“Not too badly…” Lutz mumbled. “God, I hate this so bad, I want to go home. I don’t like this place,” he touched his eyepatch. “I hate this place. Why can’t they just leave us alone? Fuck, I hate… oh, fuck…”

He placed a hand on his chest as his breathing began to accelerate. Recognising what this meant, Flagon immediately placed himself across him.

“I know,” Flagon cooed. “Breathe slowly. Count out loud.”

Lutz complied. He slowed his breaths and counted each one. He began trembling.

“Five,” said Flagon, and to this Lutz said, “Friends.”

“Four,” said Flagon, and to this Lutz said, “Warmth.”

“Three,” said Flagon, and to this Lutz said, “Crackling fire.”

On they went. When they repeated this, Lutz’s answers became a lot more descriptive.

Kenny’s brows creased with curiosity. “What’re they doing?”

“Lutz suffers from panic attacks,” Mike said softly. “Has for a while now. It was never easy to calm him at first, but we found a little method.”

“The 5-4-3-2-1 method,” Erwin chimed in. “It’s a grounding exercise. When we notice the first signs he’s going to have one, one of us tries to ground him in the present moment, so he can focus. It involves all five senses. Sight, touch, hearing, smell and taste. With deep breaths, he must decreasingly describe something he’s asked. So, five things he can see, four that he can feel, three that he hears and so forth. If he can’t focus and see, feel, hear, smell or taste anything, he can just describe his favourite things for each sense.”

Kenny’s brows rose. “Does it always work?” he asked as he watched Flagon stand before Lutz, guiding him without crowding him.

“If we catch him like this when it’s about to start, it does, yes. When it has already started, it’s trickier, but helping him with his breathing normally suffices. The important thing is to give him space and not overwhelm him, hence why only one of us should step in.”

Kenny’s eyes narrowed slightly. That day… he thought.

The deafening shots. The screaming. The feeling of warm blood pooling underneath his bare feet as waning, dying eyes stared at him.

He’d had to run as fast as his feet could carry him, along with the girl who barely held his hand, as though she’d lost life of her own. All whilst hearing the derisive laughter in the distance, mocking them, expressing they’d get them, too. The voice that had joyfully shouted to release the hounds.

The sound of the barks, the vicious barks. They’d run for so long their feet had bled.

How many times had Kenny had to ground Kuchel? When he wanted to break down, too, but couldn’t because he just had to be strong for them both?

He’d never broken in his life. Maybe that’s why he hurt all the time.

No. Don’t think about that, not right now.

He silently moved away to give them space. He didn’t want to pretend to read the documents or any of that shit, so he simply poured himself some scotch to drink. He sat at the counter to wait.

Truthfully, he was a little taken aback by Erwin’s expression. It was soft and gentle. Not to mention the juggernaut Mike, who was usually so stoic. Then, shortly after, it seemed Lutz came back to them. He opened his eye. He glanced around in recognition of his surroundings.

“Thank you,” he muttered, to which Flagon nodded. He seemed very embarrassed and awkward when his reluctant gaze met Kenny’s. He held the back of his neck. “Err… I’m sorry. I know that was unpro–”

“No words are necessary. If you’re feeling better, we can get started.”

Lutz nodded.

“Shall we meet down here to discuss the day’s proceedings in case we find nothing?” asked Erwin.

Kenny gathered his things. “Sure, sure. One of ya can stay behind to look after the place if ya want. Four days is what we’ve got. That’s plenty o’ time.”

Without further words, he left the house.

Erwin squinted at the door. It was then Mike sighed. “What is it?” he asked. “I know that look.”

“He’s being so secretive. I wonder what he’s hiding.”

“That’s rich,” Mike said sarcastically.

Erwin was surprised by how much his comment had bothered Mike. They shared a strained look while Lutz chugged some water.

“I don’t want to get captured,” Flagon spoke up, mostly to break the tense silence.

“Me neither. God, what if they take my other eye!? You guys always joke about that and now it may actually happen! God, this sucks !”

Flagon rubbed Lutz’s back with an amused smile.

“I’m not sure whether we should–”

“Let’s just go along with what the man is asking,” Mike interrupted Erwin. “It’s the least we can do.”

Erwin didn’t seem to like this. More than anything, he was wondering why he’d irritated Mike so much. “There’s not much else we can do, realistically. I suppose we must lure Ennis’s men to us and see what plays out.”

“Should someone stay behind?” Mike asked, heeding Kenny’s words.

“If we’re going to lure them to us, we might as well stay together. This place is safe on its own.”

“Do you really think we can do this before the four days are up?” Lutz asked Erwin.

“I do now.”

Read the rest of the chapter at here.

#snk #attack on titan #levi ackerman #kenny ackerman #erwin smith #eruri #snk fanfiction #mike zacharias #aot fanfiction

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banannabethchase · 1 year

Note

hangkenny & the song 'i hate myself for loving you'

Over Again - Also on AO3

Kenny and Adam have torn each other apart dozens upon dozens of times. The question now is whether it's worth the work to put each other back together.

Title from Over Again by One Direction. Don't. Don't say it. Let me be a dork. Here have some angst. I hope this is the direction you're looking for!

Adam feels tears gathering in the corners of his eyes as he collides with Kenny, lips crashing together with less romance and more desperation.

“We shouldn’t do this,” Kenny says, as Adam works his lips across Kenny’s jaw. “Fuck, Adam, I – ”

“What?” Adam asks. The tears are welling in a way he can’t deny now, something more powerful trying to get out of him than can be said through words alone. “Are you gonna act like I’m the only one who wants this?”

“No!” Kenny yells back at him. “I just – I don’t want to want this.”

Adam falls back like he was hit. “What?”

“You think I don’t hate myself for loving you?” Kenny’s eyes are teary too. “Jesus, Adam, all we’ve done is destroy each other, ever since we won the stupid fucking titles. And now – now there’s no excuse to keep tearing ourselves apart, is there?” He rubs a fist across his eyes, but all it does is smear the tears across his face, make it more obvious. It somehow hurts Adam more. “We should – we should end this, now. Before we kill each other.”

Adam thought leaving him for dead in the ring was a fluke, an emotional reaction. Thought it was Kenny’s anger at losing superseding his love for Adam, that it was a one time thing.

“You really did mean to leave me, didn’t you,” Adam almost whispers.

“Yeah,” Kenny says. He won’t meet Adam’s eyes. “I did.”

Adam leans down as the victory settles over him, as he hears his name announced as the new champion, hand on Kenny’s chest.

“I didn’t ever leave you,” he whispers to Kenny, head dipped so his hair hides his words from the world.

He doesn’t allow Kenny the chance to say anything back, just lets him leave the ring. He celebrates, bittersweet.

Adam isn’t going to cry, exactly, but he could throw up. The loss is his fault, he knows, but it would hurt less if it was against anyone else. John won’t look him in the eye, Matt seems to have lost any of the amiability he’d cautioned earlier in the summer, and Nick’s gestures feel empty now that his waist is bare.

He resists the urge to rub at the bruise Kenny left on him, though it would hurt less than the mark Kenny left on his soul.

They stand in the ring together. The four of them. For the first time in years.

And Adam can’t meet Kenny’s eyes, just in case what he wants to see is missing. He can’t do that to himself. Not again.

The broom feels a bit like forgiveness in the face of death, as Kenny passes it to Adam in front of the BCC. They haven’t been this close without trying to kill each other much in years, and Adam would be lying if he said he didn’t half expect Kenny to hit him with the broom.

He announces they are the Elite. Kenny doesn’t correct him. And Adam’s a little less anxious.

“I did some terrible shit,” Kenny says, and Adam can barely believe his ears. “Back in the day. And I don’t know if you can ever forgive me. If we could ever go back to the way things use to be. The singing, and all that goofy stuff we just did. It’s fun, but I just…” Adam hears the ache in the silence. “I don’t know if you’ll ever be able to fully forgive me. And I’m sorry.”

This feels like the wrong moment to hesitate, like if he doesn’t say something right now Kenny will take it all back. “Yeah, um,” Adam says, “me too. You know, maybe. I don’t know, maybe we won’t get back to – this,” because he can’t say what they were to each other, not when this is all so fragile. “Maybe we won’t. Maybe it’s too late. Um.”

“I um –”

Adam speaks before he can stop himself. “But maybe we can.”

“If it’s any consolation, it’s something I’m willing to work on.”

Adam fights the smile, the hope that wells in his heart. “Me, too.”

“It’s, uh.”

“Me too.” Adam winces, wishing he hadn’t interrupted.

Kenny has what might be considered a smile in his eyes. “It’s what friends, do, right?”

Adam pretends that doesn’t feel like a knife just dug through his chest, the word friends. They never were truly friends. But, if that’s all Kenny’s able to give him anymore, it’ll be worth it.

Adam speaks before he can stop himself. “For me and Kenny it was always different. I don’t know if we were ever really friends.” He won’t let himself mess this up. “Certainly not best friends. But, after everything we’ve been through, I think I’ve come to realize that we’ve always been something more than that.” He pauses for the shortest of moments, hoping Kenny hears his meaning, hears what he’s really saying with those words. “Something more important. And that��s family.”

He glances at the camera, and wonders if Kenny is watching.

Adam is wondering if somebody redefined “friends” when he wasn’t paying attention, because Kenny’s got him shoved up against a line of lockers and is kissing him like the world might end if he stops.

“Hey,” Adam says, breath catching in his chest, “Kenny, hold on.”

Kenny pulls back, hands gripping Adam’s biceps almost hard enough to hurt. “What?”

“I – you want this?” Adam asks. He wants to pretend he doesn’t feel bewildered, baffled. But he does. “Me, I mean?”

“What?” Kenny asks. He stares at Adam, blue eyes searching. “Are you seriously asking me that right now?”

“Um,” Adam mumbles. “Yes?”

“Jesus fucking Christ,” Kenny says, but he’s laughing as he shakes his head. “Of course I want you. I always have.”

Adam can’t meet his eyes. “I think always is a stretch.”

“It’s not,” Kenny says, voice going soft and sweet, the way Adam’s always melted for. “Even back then, the two of us, that’s what I really wanted.” He rests his forehead against Adam’s, inhaling deeply. “I think I knew I would hold you back.”

“You wouldn’t –”

“I would have.” Kenny stares him down. “Adam, I’m – I’m not a kind person, not really. Not always.” He runs a hand through his hair. “I wouldn’t have let you go for the belt, Adam. I would have been selfish about it. I would have – I would have sabotaged it all more.” Adam’s fighting to hold Kenny’s gaze. It’s not easy. But it feels important. “We needed to figure out who we were without each other. Otherwise we never would have grown.”

“You can’t know that,” Adam mutters. He doesn’t feel safe enough to hope.

“Doesn’t matter now, does it?” Kenny asks. He reaches out and catches Adam’s fingers in his, gentle. “All that matters is if you want to try again.”

Adam thinks of all the reasons on either side of it. They have the ability to destroy each other again, but they survived last time. They could pull the Elite apart at the seams, but they survived that last time, too.

He realizes there isn’t any damage left for them to do that they haven’t already done. Not to each other. Not to their friends. Not to themselves.

Adam steps into Kenny’s face and kisses him, letting the familiarity crash over him. Kenny’s arms pull him close. They still feel like home.

“Okay,” Adam murmurs against Kenny’s lips, the taste of tears and hope on his tongue. “Again.”

Mini Playlist: I Hate Myself for Loving You - Halestorm Dearly Departed - Marianas Trench Who You Are Without Me - Kate Voegele Over Again - One Direction

#OmegaPage #HangKenny #HangMega #anxious millennial dreamboat #sorry kenny you don't have a tag #I would apologize for the angst but. I don't want to #in which Sara writes #wtf i like wrestling now???

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marlboromoxley · 2 years

Text

I posted 14,728 times in 2022

That's 14,728 more posts than 2021!

390 posts created (3%)

14,338 posts reblogged (97%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@faggotmox

@catboynickjackson

@straightedgesavior434

@viridiandruid

@nonbinary-bosmer

I tagged 2,935 of my posts in 2022

#jon moxley - 374 posts

#cm punk - 282 posts

#hangman adam page - 198 posts

#kenny omega - 177 posts

#aew - 166 posts

#matt jackson - 158 posts

#wrestling - 109 posts

#mjf - 106 posts

#nick jackson - 102 posts

#eddie kingston - 99 posts

Longest Tag: 130 characters

#the way i had to pause the video and immediately send a screenshot to rach like look at him. look at him right now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My Top Posts in 2022:

The fallout of Jurassic Express breaking up is gonna kill me. The boy is now gonna end up fighting his dinosaur and I’m going to sob my way through the whole thing

27 notes - Posted June 30, 2022

I’m concerned that he won’t come back. If it’s painful and he’s too hurt to continue wrestling it’s completely understandable. At the same time I’ll be so sad to see him retire.

42 notes - Posted June 29, 2022

I know I said that when Kenny came back chaos would happen but I meant with the elite not whatever Aew has going on rn

55 notes - Posted August 25, 2022

My mother-in-law convinced me to buy this yarn and make a hat and it’s turning out sooo cute 🥰

62 notes - Posted September 25, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Good for him 😂

64 notes - Posted August 15, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review

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b1as1an-souya · 2 years

Text

“You’re gonna get used to me!”

Kawata twin x younger brother reader

Warning: blood fighting cussing violence hospitals reader having an implied unhealed stab wound

[Name] was a dumbass. A oblivious dumbass. Thank god he had his two older brothers because god knows what would happen to him if he didn’t.

People had a tendency for daring [Name] to do dumb shit. (By people it was Baji and Mikey.) But Nahoya and Souya were always there to help him bounce back up.

“Yo! Yo! [Name]! I dare you to Do a backflip on that wall over there!” Baji yelled at the boy. “Whats in it for me if I do Baji?” [Name] snarked back. “Let’s see here…” Baji said while digging in his pocket. “Ummm, 500 yen, and three fruit snacks!” Mikey yelled said while rushing towards [Name]. “And I have 500 yen in my pocket too!” Baji said. “Deal!” [Name] eagerly said.

“[Name]…you shouldn’t do that! You still haven’t healed from your stab wound yet!” Souya said nervously while rushing to his younger brothers side. “I don’t even know why you came too this party dummy! You should be resting right now!” Nahoya said while gently hit his brother on the head. “Owww! Don’t worry big bros! I’ll be fine, because im strong like you too!” “Fine…” They both said while patting their brother on the head.

“So is it a deal?” Baji interrupted. “Of course it is dumbass! Bring it on!” [Name] said. “So You’re gonna flip on that wall that wall right there!” Mikey said as Toman gathered around to see what the commotion was about. “Wait so you’re telling me you’re actually gonna do a backflip all for 1000 yen and 3 fruit snacks?” Draken said while looking [Name] dead in the eye.

“Go ahead, just don’t go on rampage when your lil bro gets hurt, you hear me Nahoya.” Draken said again. “We tried to tell him, he said he’d be fine.” Souya said. “Isn’t that how most conflict start?” Mitsuya said. “I’ll be fine I promise!” [Name] said while taking his shirt off. “Hold this for me Chifuyu!” [Name] said as the threw his shirt to him. Only to reveal a body full of scars and a fresh unhealed stab wound right next to his abdomen.

“Not with that scar ya won’t!” Draken yelled towards the boy who was stretching almost ready to do a backflip. “Shut up Kenny!” [Name] yelled while running towards the wall.

“OH MY FUCKING GOD DID HE ACTUALLY DO IT?!” Chifuyu yelled.

“PLEASE TELL ME YOU RECORDED THAT KAZUTORA!” Baji said. While Kazutora replied back with a thumbs up.

“THERE IS NO GOD DANM FUCKING WAY IN HELL HE ACTUALLY DID THAT?!” Draken yelled while pointing to the boy.

“Well here’s your 1000 yen and 3 fruit snacks [Name]!” Mikey said while handing it to the boy. “Wait…are you okay [Name]?” Mikey asked worriedly.

“I…think I-I’m go…going to p-pass out…” [Name] said as everything suddenly went black. “[NAME]!” Souya yelled as the two ran to his brothers side.

Am I in the hospital… Oh I remember I was at a Toman meeting… and I did a backflip then I passed out. The boy thought, then suddenly two familiar boys popped in his head. “SOUYA! NAHOYA! WERE ARE THEY!” The boy said as he frantically searched the room only too see two sleeping boys.

What was this? He was crying, but what for? Was it because of his own selfish needs? “It’s all my fault…” [Name] whisper while looking down at the hospital bed sheet not knowing that his two brothers were awake. “[Name]! You’re awake! Souya said while rushing to his brothers side.

“You’re a idiot! A huge dumb idiot!” Nahoya scolded. “You almost died!” Souya yelled at his brother. “You had internal bleeding! And you were in critical condition! You had us worried!” Nahoya said while tears appeared in his eyes. “I…” Was all [Name] could force to come out as a lump appeared in his throat. “I’m…” He said continuing to struggle with his words.

“I’M SORRY!” [Name] said as tears ran down his eyes. He hated making his brothers worried, most of all, he hated them sad and cry. “I-I didn’t mean too!” [Name] choked out as he cried in his brothers arms. “Well at least you’re okay, thats all that matters.” Souya said reassuringly.

“He’s right, we may be extremely mad at you but god knows what would’ve happened if you died on us!” Nahoya said while chuckling a bit. “Destruction would happen! The end of the world!” [Name] said jokingly as he softly punched Nahoya in the arm. “Shit that hurt!” [Name] said quickly regretting his actions.

“It’s getting late so we’re gonna head out soon kay?” Souya said. “Alright! One more thing, you two really should get used to me almost dying! It’s a usual occurrence!” [Name] said while giving his brothers a warm but fake smile.

Now the Kawata brothers were no dumbasses to their lil bros feelings. “Don’t give us that fake smile [Name]. We’ll protect you from now on so you won’t ever have to be through life and death again.” His brothers said seriously.

“Oh…” [Name] said, he didn’t know he was crying. “It’s alright [Name].” Souya said while wiping his tears with a tissue. “I’m glad you two said that. Really!” [Name] said with a genuine smile. “Now that’s what we like to see!” Nahoya said while pinching his brothers cheeks making him laugh even more.

“Good night [Name].” Nahoya and Souya said as they headed out the door. “Night!” [Name] Said as he waved goodbye.

“I swear we’re gonna protect him at all cost.” Nahoya said.

“Yea but he’s also gonna be the death of us I swear.” Souya said as he patted older brother on the back.

#tokyo rev x reader #tokyo revengers x male reader #tok rev #tokyo revengers manga #x male reader #anime #male reader #tok rev fluff #tok rev x male reader #anime / manga #souya kawata #nahoya kawata #nahoya x reader #souya x reader

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folklorelise · 4 years

Text

Captain’s girlfriend taking care of the kids

PART 1: here

- Eren when his experiments fail

When you found out that Eren was a titan, you and Hange would talk about non-stop which would drive Levi crazy.

”Erwin agreed to my experiments!” Hange informed you one morning, really excited.

”Can I come please?”

”Levi’s the boss, gotta ask him.”

”He’ll say yes!” you cheered.

Hange brought you to the old survey corps headquarters which was where the experiments would take place. It was also where Levi’s squad where.

”Leviii!” you yelled happily.

”No.” Levi stated once you were beside him.

”What do you mean ‘no’?”

”I meant no you’re not supposed to be here. How did you even know about Eren?”

”Hange told me because I am their best friend! Please let me stay.” you begged him. To your luck, Levi loved you, so he agreed to it. ”But you stay behind me, I don’t want that titan touching you.”

You greeted Eren just before he went into the pit.

”Eren, you got this!”

”Thank you Y/N.” Eren answered nervously. ”You are going to be there?”

”Yes, I’ll there the whole time so don’t worry about it.”

But during the experiment Eren just couldn’t transform, no matter how hard he tried to bit his hand over and over again.

”We should stop, he’s obviously hurt.” you protested.

”It’s Hange call.” Levi explained while taking you far from Eren in case he would transform.

”Y/N! Come back please, Eren’s hands aren’t healing either.” Hange screamed.

You ran to Eren and started to put alcohol on his hand and bandage everything.

”Are you feeling alright Eren?” you asked.

”Why can’t I transform?”

But before you could say anything, Hange took Eren. Levi walked to you and took your hand in his.

”Don’t worry about him. He’s going to be fine, he’s a titan.”

”Yeah...”

That night, you brought Eren his food.

”I’m not really hungry.” Eren assured.

”You have to eat, you didn’t eat anything at lunch too so you have to now.” you said putting his tray on his bed. ”Don’t force me to feed you like I did with Jean.”

”Fine.” he laughed.

”It’s alright if you didn’t transform today.”

”I disappointed everyone! Squad leader Hange had so much faith in me and I did nothing.”

”Eren, honestly, it’s fine because you don’t know how this works. Trust me, you’re doing great.” you smiled.

”Y/N...”

”Yes?”

”I heard something earlier. Something about the Captain.”

”Oh? What about the Captain?”

”Hange said that the Captain and you are... you know.” Eren ranted.

Except for the squad leaders and the commander, no one knew Levi was in a relationship with you. You did not hide it but wouldn’t scream it on top of every roof either.

”No actually, I don’t.” you hesitated.

”Captain Levi and you are... intimate with each other.” Eren whispered the last part.

”Yeager!” Levi yelled from outside the cell startling both Eren and you.

”Captain Levi!” Eren saluted him, spilling his soup on his bed.

”Clean that mess. Y/N, Hange is asking for you.” Levi waited for you to leave before talking to Eren, ”I didn’t know you were into gossip.”

”I’m not sir, Captain, sir. I apologise!”

Levi did not say another word and left Eren alone so he could find you.

”Hange didn’t need me.” you said once Levi entered his bedroom. ”What did you say to Eren?”

”Nothing.”

”Riight. Anyway, let’s sleep because there’s nothing else we can do.”

”I can think of one thing we can do.” Levi whispered next to your ear.

—————

- Armin after he killed a guy to save Jean

You were fighting alongside with Levi against Kenny and his soldiers.

”I can take care of this Y/N, go back to the kids.” Levi ordered.

”I’m helping!”

When you went back to the cadets, you spotted Jean corned by one of Kenny’s pawn. You were ready to shoot the person, but a gun was fired before you could. You thought for a second that Jean was shot dead, but that unknown person collapsed right in front of Jean. You moved to where he was and found Armin with his gun still pointing toward the dead body.

”Oh...” you mumbled, ”Armin, are you okay honey?” you knelt down to him.

”I... I killed someone.” he voiced absently.

At night, you were preparing the bedrooms in the abandoned house before joining the rest of the squad outside.

”... you save Jean.” Levi said.

You looked at him asking him what they were talking about and he nodded toward Armin.

”We should all go to sleep, it has been a long day.” you suggested.

Before walking away, you made sure Jean was doing great and then you went to see Armin. He was sitting in the corridor, holding his gun as if his life depended on it. You sat down next to him and he automatically rested his head on your shoulder.

”You did great today. You saved your friend’s life.” you tried to cheer him up.

”Levi said the same thing.”

”Levi’s never wrong.”

”I...” Armin started after a long pause, ”I constantly feel like I’m going to puke and I can’t sleep because every time I close my eyes, I see myself pulling the trigger.” he finished sobbing. You circled your arms around him and told him it was going to be fine.

”Do you want me to stay so you could sleep?”

”I- you have to sleep with the Captain though...”

”You can come in our bedroom then, I think there a couch there.” you cheered softly.

”Captain Levi wouldn’t agree.” Armin guessed.

”Don’t worry I’m sure he’ll say yes.”

—————

”What? No!” Levi shouted.

”Oh my! Not that loud! Armin is just outside!” you shouted back just as loud, ”but please say yes.”

”Is he supposed to sleep between us or something?”

”I was thinking about... hm, how do I put this delicately?” you asked yourself, ”I was thinking you should sleep on the couch because it might be uncomfortable for him to sleep with you.” you said cautiously.

Levi stared at you without smiling, saying ‘are you serious?’. Armin at this moment came in the bedroom worried.

”I don’t to be the cause of a fight, I can sleep with the others, it’s fine!” Armin inquired.

”Fine.” Levi sighed, ”but I’m not sleeping on that that thing.” he showed the old couch.

”The bed’s big, it’s fine!”

You were in the middle while Armin was on your left and Levi on your right. Armin fell asleep rather quickly while you and Levi were still awake.

”So that’s how my life’s going to look like? You and these kids?” Levi stated.

”They won’t be needing me anymore in a few years, so then it’s going to be just you and I. How does that sound?”

”Great. Sounds great to me.” he answered while spooning you. ”Are you really spooning Armin?” Levi asked you.

”Yeah, it’s more comfortable for the three of us, believe me.”

—————

- The night after Armin was captured as Historia (after that weirdo who said weird things and touched my boi)

When you found Jean and Armin, you kicked that old pervert in the balls and threw in far away from Armin. That same night, you found him crying silently outside of your tent. You and Levi sat down beside him.

”You did great.” Levi told him.

”I’m sorry you had to go through that.” you said.

”I think he’s asleep,” Levi started, ”That boy falls asleep so quickly when you’re here, it’s insane”

”Should we just sleep here?”

Levi ended up carrying Armin to his tent and you and Levi stayed with him, because neither of you could sleep anyway. Through the middle of the night, Jean opened Armin’s tent slightly and you came out.

”What’s wrong?” you asked worried.

”I just wanted to make sure Armin was alright.”

”He’s asleep which is great. You can’t sleep either?” you saw that Jean just looked away blushing, ”come, there’s enough place for a giant like you.” you joked.

When you came back Armin was awake.

”Why aren’t you sleeping?” you asked to which he responded with a shrug. ”Let’s all go back to sleep, and that includes you too Levi.”

Levi was right when he said that his life would the kids as long as you were there.

—————

- After the serum had to be given to Armin

Hange was screaming that Erwin had to have the serum. Mikasa and Eren were screaming that Armin should have it instead. While they were screaming, you were silently crying over Erwin’s almost dead body. Levi looked at you and for a second he thought about given Erwin the serum, but in the end, he gave it to Armin. When Levi made his move, you broke down crying, you were a mess.

You knew Levi had a special bond with Erwin and giving the serum to someone else was a hard choice. On top of that, Erwin was one of your closest friends. Which meant that you knew about his goal of discovering the secret about titans. And knowing how close he was to fulfil his dream broke your heart. Hange was beside you, on their knees beside Erwin. Very soon after, Levi joined the two of you.

”Y/N,” Levi started, ”I-”

”W-we have... we have to bury hi-his body.” you said sobbing uncontrollably, ”we can’t... we can’t just let him here.”

”Y/N, we still have to go to the basement.” Hange explained while you refused to let go of Erwin.

”I can stay here, I can wait for you to come back.” you chocked on your words.

That night, you hardly had any sleep. Levi holds you in his arms the whole night. By the morning, you had stopped crying, there were no tears left to cry.

”Do you want to go and eat?” Levi asked you.

”Not hungry.”

”I’m still going to grab some bread for us.”

The day passed too slowly for you, you stayed in the infirmary the whole day, but no one needed help - almost every member of the survey corps were dead anyway. But someone still knock on your door late in the afternoon. Before you could answer, the door opened on Armin. None of you talked - you could only assume that Eren and Mikasa filled him in about what happen.

”I can’t replace Commander Erwin.” Armin whispered. ”Please don’t hate me.” he faltered.

”What? I could never hate any of you! How — why would even think that?” you yelled.

”Erw—”

”Erwin’s dead yes, I know! But— all that matters is that you are here, and I’m glad you are.” you calmed down. ”I’m glad you’re still alive.”

Armin came running toward you and hugged you so tight that you could hardly breath.

”I thought you’d hate me.” Armin confessed.

”I would never because I love you.”

- Reunion with Reiner

When you heard Gabi saying that Reiner had passed out, you follow her without saying anything. She showed you the house where Reiner was, and you opened the door slowly. He was on the ground, wrapped up in an old and thin blanket.

”Reiner?” you asked softly next to his ear, ”wake up and tell me if you’re hurt somewhere, Gabi told me you couldn’t heal properly.”

He groaned and opened his eyes. The last time you saw him was during the Shiganshina attack he planned with Bertolt and Zeke.

”I-”

”Reiner, are you alright?” Gabi asked worried.

”I just need to rest.” Reiner answer looking away from your stare.

You sat down and put Reiner’s head on your lap so he would be more comfortable.

”Sleep a bit before the others come, then we’ll move again.” you told him.

”I’m sorry.” Reiner whispered. He turned his head toward your stomach and curled up on himself. He was so afraid that you reject him after what he did, but he was one of your kids — you could never throw them away when they needed you.

—————

RANDOM HCs

- Sasha would always ask you for your food because she knew you could never refuse.

- You always helped Connie take care of his mother after she was turned into a titan.

- One of your ritual with Armin would be reading together at night, before sleep. After hearing your stories from when he was sick during the training days, he never got tired of hearing them.

- Mikasa teaching you combat skills because she does not want you to die during expeditions.

- Once during training years, you tried to separate Jean and Eren and received a punch from Eren. They apologised a lot and you said it was fine, but Levi was so mad he almost went there himself to kick their butts.

- Reiner, Bertolt and Annie feeling bad because you were always so nice toward them. Plus, when you saw Annie again, you just hugged her and told her you were glad she was back.

—————

MASTERLIST

NEXT POST IS GOING TO BE: that one time the kids called you ”mom” and that one time Jean called Captain Levi ”dad” —> really excited to write this one :D

Also, yes it was a lot of Armin but when I made my rough drafts of ideas, it was a lot of Armin. Also (x2) shorter than expected but yeah, wanted to get this out of my system before writting something else, hope you guys liked it though :) also (x3) it did looked better in my mind

#attack on titan x reader #levi ackerman x reader #armin arlet x reader #jean kirstein x reader #eren yeager x reader #reiner braun x reader #levi ackerman fluff #too much tags i stop here #mikasa ackerman x reader #prank #aot #aot fluff #some angst i guess though

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daim1812 · 3 years

Text

One Last Time

Levi Ackerman x Reader

Labels: Romance, angst, drama, mentions of suicide, blood, children involvement, pregnancy and death.

Warning: Some manga spoilers. Change of storyline for adaptive purposes.

Song of choice: Saturn by Sleeping at Last

As the sun went down so did his body, sitting down on the log with a perfect view to a hidden lake between enclosed tall trees. Rising up from the mountain, the moon made its way into the night sky.

Levi couldn’t stop himself to stare at the moon. He couldn’t stop breathing the air, feeling it hit his lungs with small fights. He couldn’t stop from repeating the same images in his head.

His squads death made him realize that death was always near. He knew that no matter how much he ran away from it, it was always going to catch up to him.

Mike’s death shook him slightly. He knew this man for his whole years of being in the Scouts, and consider him someone close to him.

Erwin’s death threw him in a verge of loosing himself, almost to the point of ending things. And yet... he found himself weak to the thought. He couldn’t do it, it was someone else’s job to kill him and end his agony. Even when Hange stood there with him and helped him realize that he wasn’t that alone, her sudden sacrifice pushed him into an unknown feeling.

And so he sat there, amaze by the scenery; amazed by the simple thought that he was still... living.

Without a care in the world, Levi closed his eyes and emerge into the swing of the wind. Hitting him softly on the face and pushing his hair back, he indulge in a new feeling he couldn’t describe before.

He was delighted.

He was enlighten.

Yet, he hated that. Everybody else died, leaving him alone to understand himself and hate himself at the same time. All he wanted was... for them to come back. Since Isabel and Farlan, Levi learned the hard way that life isn’t the way he thought it would be. Kenny’s death was another punch in his face. His mother's death since the beginning made him this solitary person filled with problems.

Levi wasn’t normal.

Two pair of hands took him by surprise, but not enough to act defensive. He already knew this hands.

She pressed her face on Levi’s head, her body slightly pushing to his back. Her hands collared on his neck, embracing him thoroughly to her own content.

“What are you doing, Captain?” Her voice swayed Levi’s ears, the melody in her voice making him subtle and nostalgic.

“I have never stopped myself to watch this place, Captain.” He mumbled, almost too low for her to understand, but she did. Levi felt her jaw tense and knew she was smiling.

“It’s beautiful, isn’t it? This is what we fight for, Levi. For this place, this scenery, for the wind, for the people, for the oceans, for the animals, for us.” She let go of Levi to sit beside him, looking at him.

Levi finally got rid of his bandages, half of his face with a scar that marked a battle in transition; his left eye was hidden over a patch. She wanted so much to contain herself from touching his face once again. One after the other, every time she saw him like this, her hands immediately moved to touch his face. Levi doesn’t care much, but at the beginning he prohibited her to do so.

“Can I...?” The whisper made Levi look down, slowly nodding, not wanting to show her that he needed her to touch him.

Her fingertips rolled on his skin and scars, slowly, and carefully, she continue the path from the chin to his forehead. She stopped the movement once she reached his eye patch, looking at him for confirmation. He didn’t say anything, still staring at the ground in front of him, how the grass moved with the wind.

“I love your eyes, Levi.” She smiled at him, continuing her path, her fingers sinking inside his hair.

He finally let go of a sigh, looking up at her with the most saddest eyes, the color of his eyes slowly fainting by the light of the moon.

“If you die...” He started, stopping her movements. She frowned her eyebrows, looking back at him with fierce.

“Don’t say that. I’m not going to die. I’m not planning on doing so. My plan is to finish this war with Eren and those idiots, and then... we’ll retire in a cabin in the woods. We’ll have lots of kids. I’m still young, I can have at least 7 kids. Don’t you think?” She chuckled, Levi loving so much her action.

When was the last time he felt so affected by the emotions of another person? She had him wrapped on her fingers and yet he couldn’t do anything about that. He didn’t know the feelings he was going through. He didn’t understood what this new emotion was.

Was it really love like the books in the library described?

Was it the love Hange so furiously told him about when they stayed up almost all night drinking with Erwin and Mike?

Was love the past arrangement Erwin had with Nile’s wife?

Or was it that anxious feeling of seeing someone for the first time and noticing how beautiful they were?

He couldn’t decipher anything even if they were together. He was confused with all those emotions flowing into him. From the beginning, in his childhood, he never got to experience love and affection. Farlan and Isabel gave him affection, that friendship, and he learned from that. From Erwin he went through companionship, same with his squad, Hange and Mike. He understood those feelings; he already battled those and lost. Levi knew death, despair, loneliness, sadness; he knew all of those and yet he never once understood love.

She changed those thoughts so easily it scared him.

“You would look so beautiful holding our baby...” Her smile made Levi weak to the knees. How couldn’t he have fallen for her? “My plan is for us to be together until we are old and we decay with time. I want this to be over so we can be happy. What do you think?”

“...” Levi couldn’t say anything. If something he learned from all those years of loneliness and misery, it was to never dream too much. He wanted to live in the present because every time he thought things were alright something ended up wrong.

“Levi?” She looked so worried for him, letting her knees touch the grass in front of Levi.

His hands immediately hold her elbows, not wanting her to get on her knees and get her pants dirty just for him. Yet, she didn’t cared, only pushing away his hands a little bit to not make him feel bad.

“Talk to me, Ackerman.” Her voice soothes him. How many times has he loved hearing her call his name or just say anything in general?

He didn’t wanted to admit it, but having her near him, breathing, laughing, talking, whispering, singing... made him sleep so good for the first time. He finally let go of the worries in her arms and slowly pacified his urges of ending thing. Whenever he could sleep with her, he felt like the world didn’t needed to end just yet. Sleeping with her seemed like the only medicine he needed for days full of regret.

Either way, with those thoughts in his head while he stared down at the girl he profoundly fell for, he couldn’t let himself be like her.

Levi was the opposite of her. Down to earth, cold, and with secrets nobody needed to know. She was an open book, imaginative and lovable. He just didn’t wanted her to feel bad for saying words that could hurt her.

“This is real life, Captain. We are in a fragile situation right now in where we don’t know if tomorrow we will be alive. We live our lives to the fullest imagining that at some point we will stop and notice we fought so hard for our freedom.” Levi’s eyes connects with her, noticing how the light faded a little bit. “I can’t live in a fantasy... not when everything around me is based in reality. You are the one thing,” He stopped for a few seconds, his finger grabbing onto some of her locks. “I can’t loose.”

“You’re in bad luck, Levi, ‘cause I’m going into battle tomorrow and I promise you I will live. I won’t die yet. I can’t leave you alone.” Suddenly she pressed her forehead softly against Levi’s forehead, both of their noses slightly kissing. She closed her eyes and Levi admired her fractions.

He liked her so much.

She was the only reason why he hasn’t indulge into the darkness and end his life right there.

His fingers pressed her locks behind her ear, some of the hair covering his face and hers. She giggled at the humble actions of the man she loved with all her life. He continues to push her hair behind her ears, slowly passing his fingertips on her earlobe.

“Don’t die on me, brat. Keep fighting.” His whisper made her eyes crystallize. She felt the feelings behind those words. He wanted her to continue living even if he didn’t made it through another day.

She shook her head, the hairs from behind her ear falling back on her face as she pulled away from him.

Her hands locked onto his, pressing them on her chest tightly, a little careful of Levi’s bandage hand missing two of his fingers.

“No. Don’t YOU die on me, Levi. I want you to live and fulfill my wish with me. I want you to wake up tomorrow ready to battle and do everything it takes to come back into my arms. Many will die; death is inevitable, yet I’ll be here always. I want you to survive because you deserve to. I know how much you await death. You’ve been waiting for so long to feel it. The grass on your fingers, the blood gushing out of your mouth and the pain. But, Levi, I assure you, nothing is better than living the moment. Nothing will be better than this moment. You and me... finally together. I won’t let you die, Levi. We will have each other’s back. But you will survive even if it means me saving you over and over. I won’t let you fall into a darkness you won’t ever go out. I’ll light up your path every time you see it darken. I’ll keep the light up every time the wind tries to blow it. I’ll be here for you... until death do us apart.” Her eyes quickly tried to gush out the feelings, but the feelings were already dripping down her face.

Levi couldn’t stop himself anymore. He grabbed her cheek, pulled her up a little to be at the same height as him and pushed his lips against hers.

Her lips danced slowly on his, taking almost all the control of the kiss. Even if they were together for so long, Levi didn’t know a lot of things couple usually did. He didn’t know how to kiss, how to compliment, how to touch, how to love. Yet, she didn’t care for those small details. Being near her lover solely made her live happily.

Their lips continued to stick together, Levi wanting so hard to not let go. Maybe he didn’t wanted to let go because he wanted to love the moment like she told him to do; or maybe he felt the need to kiss her one last time just in case something bad happened.

Her hands touched Levi’s cheek, rubbing her fingertips on his cheek. He felt the cold round of tears pressing on his face, sticking them.

Breaking the kiss with a subtle movement, Levi gazed at her up and down, taking a mental picture of his lover for future references. For when the battle came, he could keep calm and fight dedicating his heart.

“Don’t cry, idiot.” He rolled her tear off her face with his right thumb. She nodded quickly, wiping her face with her long sleeve shirt.

“Promise me, Levi... we will fulfill my dream? Just promise me that.” His hand pressing on her cheek, she shoved it even closer to her.

He couldn’t promise that. He just couldn’t. Levi didn’t know if he was going to survive. The situation was getting dangerous and if everything went south, he would have to sacrifice himself to save the others. He needed to give them a future, Levi already fought enough, lived enough.

But now he had her... Now he was supposed to live to keep her by his side. He needed to survive. Yet, he just couldn’t say that to her. He wasn’t very good with words. Showing actions and taking actions was his forte.

The moon shined on them once again, the lighting in his eyes finally shinning again, the back of her head being lightened by the moon as well.

He wanted to live for her.

“I promise.” He mumbled, watching her shriek and throw herself on him, almost pushing both of them back into the ground.

She flowered him with kisses all over his face, being extremely careful of his eye and scar.

“I love you, Levi. Thank you. I’ll keep you safe.” Those words brought him so much joy. An emotion he hasn’t felt at all in his life, yet he was purely in love with this woman and he was going to make her happy.

“Me too, Captain.”

————————————

“Papa, papa, papa!” A little kid, around 6 years old with short dark hair and beautiful grey eyes threw himself at Levi. He catches him almost in midair and makes him sit on his arm and waist.

“What is it, Teo? I’ve told you to not interrupt me while I’m working.” The little kid shrugs his shoulders and purposely hides his face on Levi’s chest.

Levi noticed by the corner of his eye the little girl standing near the door, half of her face looking at him and the kid.

“Alora doesn’t want to play with me and I feel lonely.” His voice makes Levi tremble gently. Who would have thought that the Captain of the Survey Corps was going to be swayed by the adorable side of his older child?

“Alora, come here.” He turns around to the door, the little girl holding onto a dark teddy bear that hanged on her right hand and kept being swept on the floor.

She walked in with her face looking down on the floor. Alora couldn’t lie about it, she was almost scared of her father. He was always so quiet and cold; while she was the opposite. She was curious, a shining sun wherever she went, and a beautiful, intelligent little girl. With only 4 years old she already knew how to do basic math (something her mother continuously felt proud of and mentioned every time).

Levi looked down on her and gently squatted down with Teo on his arms, leading him to stand up on the floor.

Pressing his hand on Alora’s black, long soft hair that fell until her lower back and was tightly put in a ponytail, he smiled at her. Alora looked at her father and smiled back, loving those moments with him.

“Alora, would you like to play with your brother for a little while? Papa has some work to do, but once I’m done I’ll play with both of you. Anything that you want, I’ll play it.” He kept smiling, watching the kids as they celebrated that their dad was finally going to give them some attention. “Go play, kids.”

The kids rushed through the door, running into their rooms to play and have fun with each other.

Letting out a small sigh, Levi got up and sat down on his chair again. He still couldn’t believe he was a father of two children that made his life a whole heaven and a living hell as well.

A knock on the door caught him slightly by surprise, turning his attention towards now the person standing at the door.

He stared up and down at his wife, and how the dress made her look so irresistibly gorgeous.

She smiled at him and entered the room without invitation. Holding on her back for support, or for pain, she finally stood next to him. A hand pressed on Levi’s left shoulder, making Levi close his eyes and sigh again, loving so much her touch.

“You must be exhausted, Levi. Are you sure you can’t just finish this later? I could really use a massage, you know.” She leaned down a little bit, rubbing her nose on his cheek and ear.

“I have to finish today. I’ll be done soon.” Sighing once again, he let go of his desire to stop working and just let her shower him in affection and love.

“You’re so tense, dear.” Her hands touched his shoulders and made pressure on her hands to make him feel at ease. Levi’s head fell back a little bit, seeing his wife enjoying giving him all the love and attention he needed.

“Go do something else, brat. You’re always trying to make me feel good. I’m fine.” Levi pushed his body upwards, breaking the contact of her hands on his shoulders. She chuckled, understanding that Levi didn’t wanted to feel vulnerable at the state of tension he was in.

“Alright, Captain.” She makes the old salute, making Levi tremble at the sight. Even so, she continues to smile, leaning down on him to kiss him on the lips real quick.

“Tsk... idiot.” As soon as he said that, his body lay back at the chair, resting himself on it as he watched his wife walk away with a smile.

As soon as he heard his wife say dinner was ready, his body immediately got up and walked to the living room, seeing how the kids ran to the table. Getting from behind Alora, he helped her get on the chair. Giving her a short smile, Levi sat down at his respective chair, not having any other option than watching his wife put the plates and utensils at the table.

Levi always loved watching his wife do housework. He was a clean freak, and noticing how she always tried her best to keep everything tidy up and clean, made him love her even more. It wasn’t rude or anything, Levi helped a lot in the chores, helping whenever he wasn’t doing his own work.

“You’re slacking off, Levi.” She smiled, putting down the utensils next to his plate. He looked up at her, and her eyes shined to him. God, he could loose himself with just a stare.

“I’m tired.” He said with a sigh, resting on the chair.

“You could finish up quickly, papa.” Teo’s small voice makes Levi smile. His ear rings to that voice and he just enjoy his son’s voice.

“Yes, papa. You have to play with us.” Alora smiles while her mother pours some food on her plate.

“I know, kids.” His wife presses her thumbs to Levi’s nape, slowly rubbing it.

“Papa will be busy, but I’m sure he’ll take some time to play with you, kids. Right, darling?” Levi lets his neck fall back a little bit and looks up at her staring into his eyes. A faint blush covers his cheeks and he tries his best to hide it, yet she already notices.

“Yeah.” Mumbles, staring down at the food that was being served.

After they finished eating, Levi went back to his studio, trying as fast as he could to finish his work.

With a loud sigh, he finally finished doing all the things he had to do. He got up the chair, stretched his back and walked over to the room in where the kids were playing.

Standing on the entrance of the room, Levi let his back touch the wall and just decided to stare for a little bit at the kids giggling and playing.

He never had a childhood like that. All he knew while growing up was self defense. He knew how to stab, how to kill, how to defend himself. Levi didn’t know what other feelings were. The emotions he was feeling right now while watching his daughter show him her doll and his son the little train he got for his birthday, he didn’t know what that was called.

Knowing well enough how to battle an enemy, Levi never thought he would have to be fighting himself over and over in the future. He thought, maybe, after marrying her and starting a new life he would stop all those thoughts. And he did stop those thoughts. The birth of Teo brought into his life a whole new meaning that he didn’t know he needed so much.

Levi found love.

“Papa, papa! Come! Play with us.” The little girl’s voice shook him out of his thoughts. Looking up and down at her, he smiled, walking over to them and joining their small party.

Levi tucked both kids into bed. He wore them out enough for them to be knocked down cold into a huge sleep. Sliding the blanket over Teo and Alora, Levi kissed their small little forehead. If Erwin saw him right now he would have been surprised at the sight of weakness Levi was showing. “What would he say about this?”, Levi thought while staring down at the little girl holding tight her small bear. Nevertheless, Levi didn’t care. All he cared about were those kids and his wife. Erwin was long gone and he knew that if he saw that, Erwin would have been so proud of him. Levi found exactly what Erwin wanted for him, and what he wanted as well. No thoughts would change his mind on what his ex-Commander and best friend would have thought in that situation. Erwin would have been happy.

Turning off the light, Levi closed the door to the room and walked over to the room he shared with his wife.

And there she was, looking over at the door in wait for her husband. She smiled, opening her arms so she could get Levi next to her.

“Tsk. You’re a needy brat.” He crossed his arms, but still walked up to her. She grabs his hand and detangle them from his chest. Bringing him close to her, making him sit down on the bed, she gently pressed his hand on her belly.

Levi felt a knock, a kick, that startled him a lot. A life was in there. His next child was there. Levi finally understood that feeling. He felt it when Teo came the first time and when Alora also came. The feeling of being alive.

“It keeps kicking. It’s so funny.” She whispers near Levi’s shoulder, letting her head fall on his shoulder.

“He wants to kill you. I’ll kill him if he comes out like the other two. Disorganized and dirty.” His comment makes her laugh and Levi has no other option than to enjoy it. He wanted to record that in his mind forever. Her voice and her laugh.

“You silly... They are only like that because you let them be. I remember when I was a Captain and every time I saw you, you were scolding the cadets for leaving dirt everywhere.” She makes him remember, and he just snickers. He really was a strict Captain. And still, he always got the job done.

“I lived so long in dirty and dark places... I didn’t wanted HQ to be the same.” After he finishes talking, he feels another kick, letting go of a small smile.

“The HQ was bland. It was colorless. It reek of death and broken dreams. I didn’t like that so much.” She closes her eyes and rubs Levi’s hand over her belly.

“We didn’t have time to be thinking of colors. We were always living in a die or live situation.” She nods on his shoulder.

“I agree.”

“We should head to bed.” Levi mumbles again, not wanting to take his hand away from her belly or the warmth of her hand on his.

“Mhmm... let’s stay like this for a little while more. I missed your scent.” Her whisper makes Levi shiver, yet he only lets a small grunt come out of his throat, responding to her.

The small shallow breaths she was taking, the thumb rubbing on his hand, her hair falling on his shoulder and her thighs pressing on him made Levi so renewed. At the end of the day, all the tiredness faded away when she was there with him.

He knew she had her eyes closed, she was just resting on his shoulder. Yet, he wanted to look at her, kiss her, hold her, do everything he could think of even if she had a belly growing up. She has done so much for him and continues to do so by loving him every single day of their lives.

Levi slowly pulled his hand away from her belly and her, but now press it on her cheek. She opened her eyes and leaned back from his shoulder, now staring at him with bags under her eyes.

She was fucking stunning even when she was tired.

Letting his fingers roam from her cheek to her ear, pushing the hair to the back of her neck and ear; Levi cut the distance between each other and kisses her. Slowly, shaking and almost afraid of being too aggressive even if he wasn’t. Her hand found Levi’s shirt and gripped it. He pressed his other hand on her cheek and hold her face steady for him to kiss her better. Licking on her lip slowly, he went back and devoured her lips once again, showing off his dominating side.

Hearing her small moan, he let go of her. Staring deeply into her eyes, the small faint blush on her cheeks made him smirk. He loved making her flustered.

Slowly, but surely, Levi pressed his nose against her nose and gave her a lovely Eskimo kiss.

“I love you, Captain.” She said first, leaving him speechless once again like always.

He stared at her up and down, watching her completely. She always had this effect on him. Not for nothing they were married. Even so, Levi couldn’t be so easily frank like her. He loved her, but saying it was so difficult for him. Yet, when seeing her eyes shine the same way it did when they kissed for the first time, Levi couldn’t let her be disappointed on himself. He loved this woman with all of his life.

The woman who saved his life.

“I love you, too, (Y/N).”

————————————

“I’M NOT LEAVING HIM BEHIND, JEAN!!!!” The small faint voices of a girl during a silent world, were being simply shouted against the noise.

“We have to leave. We need to help Armin and Mikasa. If you stay here, we’ll be loosing you too, Captain. Please, reason with me here. We already lost Connie and Reiner is seriously injured. We need you.” Jean tried his best to reason with the girl who fearlessly continued to cry and shout at the tall man.

“NO!!! I CAN’T LEAVE HIM!!” She cries out, her tears falling in Jean’s arms and onto the floor.

“I understand, Captain. But Captain Levi wouldn’t want you to stay here and do nothing. We must continue to fulfill his wish and save the world. Please...” He couldn’t hold her anymore. She kept screaming while trying to push Jean away so she could hold her lover’s body on her arms. “CAPTAIN, GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER!!”

He let go of her and she fell on her knees, scrapping them against the rocks and sand. Yet, it didn’t hurt. Her body was numb to the exterior damage. She just couldn’t react to any of that. All she could do was cry and cry and keep crying.

Her body crawled closed to her lover’s body and she grabbed his bloody hand.

When did that happened? How did it happened? Where was she? How did she let that happen?

She kept questioning herself over and over again into the smallest details. Levi’s death was upon her and she couldn’t help but blame herself.

Levi’s soulless body was laying on the ground, his left arm missing and his left leg. He was not coming back from this one and she knew it. After everything she promised. After everything she tried to do to keep him safe, she failed every and each of those promises.

“Wake up, Levi... Yo-You... you promised... You pro-promised we were going to live. You promised ME you were going to live. You promised, you promised, you promised... YOU PROMISED!!!” Her shouts could be heard all over the quiet ambient. Jean let some tears fall down as well, his head falling forward to not be seen weak.

She grabbed Levi’s body and got him close to her, pushing his face near her and sobbing. Tears falling down on Levi’s face, almost washing away the dirt and the blood. She just couldn’t believe that was happening. Levi was actually dead, his body resting on her arms.

“You promised... we were going to have kids... and live happy in a little house on the woods! We were going to raise our children the way they never raised us. Please... please... Levi, please, I love you. Don’t go... don’t leave me!”

The sound of her sobbing suddenly were muffled by extremely loud crashing sounds.

Jean looked over to where the sound came and his eyes became plates. He quickly grabbed her arm and pulled her forcefully, making her shriek and cry harder.

“Captain, Armin is in trouble. We need you. I know it hurts. I know you and Levi had dreams. But right now, if you don’t stand and get your shit together, everything that Captain Levi fought for will be for nothing! DEDICATE YOUR HEART!” Her red face and covered with tears, dust and blood suddenly came to a halt.

Levi wouldn’t wanted her to be like this and not in that moment. She gazed at Levi’s body on the floor one last time, got closed to it, kneeled down and after crying out her last tears, she gave him a farewell kiss.

She wiped her tears off and got up, her face drastically changing to pure anger.

“Let’s save humanity, Jean. DEDICATE YOUR HEART, SOLDIER!!”

The End

Thank you so much for reading.

Have a good day or night, darling. 🥰

#levi x reader #levi ackerman #levi x y/n #levi angst #levi attack on titan #attack on titan #shingeki no kyojin #levi romance #couple #blood and death #levi death #self insert #levi x reader fluff #levi x reader angst

141 notes · View notes

wardenannie · 3 years

Note

Hurt Levi pls

I normally don't take tumblr prompts, but for you, anon whose identity is a total mystery to me, I will accept

NSFW under the cut. Also warning for some torture that happens about midway through. Nothing too graphic tho.

Kenny captured him as they dueled in the streets of the capital. Levi didn't see the net coming until it was too late. His eyes were locked on the gunslinger, body moving like water as he spun past bullet after bullet, slate eyes trained on Kenny's exposed jugular.

When the net struck him it took his balance with it, and he tumbled two stories to the ground, confused in a pile of weights and rope. He landed with a sickening crunch, the right side of his body slamming brutally into the paving stones.

Levi was stunned, body wracked with agony as his broken bones screamed in complaint.

He could hear his squad calling out for him; "Heichou!" But he could not make out their faces as his vision blurred and dark shadows began to loom over him.

One of those shadows- the tallest, the most menacing- laughed, and then spat in his face. Kenny.

"Gotcha, runt," Levi could hear the sneer in his voice, words dripping with the venom of sordid joy. He struggled, breath coming ragged as panic began to set in.

"Knock him out," Kenny ordered.

A sharp pain radiated up the side of Levi's skull, then everything went black.

He awoke in a dark cell, suspended by iron manacles that dug harshly into his wrists. His shirt was gone, body coated in a fine sheen of cold sweat that shimmered in the dim light of a single, paltry torch.

Levi's head throbbed painfully. The right side of his body was mottled with blue-black bruises. It hurt to breathe, to blink, to think.

But Levi was a survivor, so he pushed through the pain, recalling everything that had brought him to this point. He remembered battling on the streets of the capital. He remembered Kenny shouting his name boisterously. He remembered Nifa's brains being splattered across the rooftops, and he remembered falling, and falling, and falling.

"Shit," he cursed, and he pulled at his restraints. The movement only served to dig the metal more painfully into his flesh, fresh blood running hot down his forearms.

Levi drew in a ragged, fortifying breath, then shouted with all of his remaining might, "Kenny!"

The low tenor of his voice echoed through the subterranean dungeon. A peppering of dust fell from the rafters, disturbed by the sudden noise.

Panting, chest heaving as he bit through another full body wave of pain, he shouted again, louder, with more power and rage behind the name; "KENNY!"

His muscles went limp, body hanging weakly from his shackles, toes dragging on the filthy floor. Everything hurt. It hurt so much. Every fiber of his being seemed to be crying out in red hot pain. His head throbbed, eyes pulsing in his skull. There was a constant pressure in his chest, digging into his lung, a broken rib, more like than not.

Levi huffed a broken sound, hanging his head. He was useless like this, strung up like a fresh kill. He shut his eyes, waiting helplessly for his fate to arrive.

Hange would come for him. He knew she would.

He recalled their parting moment, the people she had loaned him, the people he had gotten killed. He remembered the trust she had placed upon him, that had swirled behind those wine-colored eyes, and somehow he felt even more broken.

"Hange..." He sighed her name, lids fluttering.

He'd been so caught up in his memories that he hadn't heard the telling sound of footsteps on the bricks. Two grizzled, calloused hands gripped the bars mockingly.

Kenny grinned at him from the darkness of the corridor, freshly shaven. Face porous and lined and aged.

"Hey there, runt," he goaded, fingers drumming softly on the bars. Two more people appeared beside him, men, their faces obscured behind black torturer's hoods. Their black eyes flashed menacingly in the torchlight.

"We have a few questions for ya," Kenny produced a key from around his neck and slipped it into the lock. The heavy, barred door opened with a metallic shriek and a muffled kerthunk. He slipped into the cell, body long, thin and skeletal. Behind him the two torturers followed.

Now that they stood in the light Levi could see that they wore the instruments of his torture across their bodies like bandoliers. The knives and scalpels and scrapers all gleamed orange by the light of the torch.

Levi swallowed thickly, giving another weak pull at his shackles.

"Now," Kenny's smile never waned. He laced his fingers behind his back, standing up straight and proud. "Are ya gonna cooperate? Or will we have to do this the hard way."

Levi's lips curled into a snarl. They wanted Hange's location, the location of his squad.

They could rot in hell.

He demonstrated as much by spitting onto the floor in front of Kenny's boot.

"Fuck off."

Kenny puffed his cheeks amusedly, and took a small step backward to make way for the torturers.

"These fellows are good at what they do," Kenny explained softly as they began to pluck their implements from their chests. "They were loaned to me by the king himself."

Levi bared his teeth, refusing to give Kenny anything more than his ire.

Kenny cracked his knuckles, smile shifting to lopsided and entertained, "Alright then, let's begin."

Levi stayed strong. Through it all, he endured. He kept his lips sealed, biting on them until they bled like his exposed nailbeds, like the parallel lines they drew across his belly with their razor sharp knives. He endured when they began breaking nailess toes, and he endured when they moved on to his fingers, peeling the skin back to the first knuckle.

His blood painted the floor in crimson-black drips. His grunts of agony echoed through the dungeon halls in a torturous symphony.

"Where is Hange Zoe?" Kenny asked, obviously beginning to grow exasperated.

Levi showed his teeth, red with blood, red dripping from his nose, "Never." He choked, tasting rust in his mouth. He would die before he gave Hange up. It was her face that lingered in the back of his mind, that bolstered his resolve against their blunted rods as they beat his already broken ribs.

He remembered her smile. Her laughter. They way she smirked when she teased him over his height and cleanliness. He remembered her touch, the fire she awoke inside of him, in his skin.

He remembered Hange. His Hange. And he endured.

Eventually they left him alone. Making sure to snuff out the torch as they went, Levi dangled weakly in the dark. The only sounds were that of his own breathing and his blood dripping steadily onto the floor.

His vision began to fade, sounds growing distant, as though he were submerged beneath dark waves of white hot water. He struggled to breathe, to keep his eyes open.

Ultimately his struggle was in vain. He fell into viscous, black unconsciousness.

Hange Zoe had never before known fear like this; this terrible, gripping thing that settled in her chest and constricted around her lungs like a parasitic snake. It radiated outward from her center, down her limbs and into her fingertips, numbing them as she gripped the triggers of her ODM gear.

He had to be alive. He had to be.

How would she survive if Levi were gone. What would she do? She couldn’t imagine it, that agony which she was barely holding at bay. Were the worst to come to fruition it would surely consume her.

They busted through the doors of the anti-personnel squad compound. Shattering through them with a battering ram, shards of broken wood raining down on the occupants of the adjacent room; splintering and slicing them.

Hange grabbed the first man she saw by his collar, hoisting him into the air as her muscles burned. She pressed the edge of her blade to his throat, flashing her teeth, vision blurring red with complete and utter rage.

“Where is he?!”

Moblit and Levi squad apprehended the others in the room. Binding their hands and feet. Hange simply wanted them dead.

The man dangled in the air, grasping weakly at Hange’s wrist where she held him aloft, “I- I um...”

“Spit it out or you won’t have a tongue to speak with!” Hange demanded, pressing her blade more insistently to his throat.

“D-downstairs,” he pointed towards a door with a shaking finger.

Hange grunted and threw him roughly down onto the floor, leaving him to the rest of the squad. She rushed for the doors, prying a torch off of the wall as she descended into the dark depths of the dungeon.

Let him be alive, she chanted to herself. Please, whatever gods there may be, let him be alive.

Kenny was nowhere to be found. The fighting upstairs cleared quickly and soon all of Levi squad was trailing the Section Commander through the dark labyrinth.

It only took another few moments for them to discover him hanging by his wrists in the dark. He was filthy, covered in blood, sweat, and bruises. His eyes were closed, chest barely rising with stilted breath.

“Levi!” Hange rasped, gripping the bars. “What did they do to him?”

She ground her teeth to the point of pain, leaning all of her weight into the bars like she could bend them through sheer force of will alone. The sight of his blood pooling on the floor made her stomach twist, her heart ache. Her mouth was dry and a salient mixture of horror and utter rage pooled in her center.

Armin was already working on the lock. But it wasn’t fast enough.

Hange shoved him out of the way and slammed one of her blades down into the rusty lock mechanism over and over. It creaked, shuddered, and then cracked in two under the force of her assault.

Leaving the rest of the squad in the dust, Hange rushed to Levi’s side, wrapping her arms tenderly around his waist and lifting him so his wrists were no longer being cut by the shackles.

“Hange,” he choked her name weakly, then spit blood onto the yellow of her shirt. His slate eyes were hooded and distant, dissociative from the pain.

Armin and Mikasa were working on his restraints.

“I’m here,” Hange breathed, careful only to touch him where she had to. “I’m here.”

She wanted to scream at the sight of him. His body was a warzone; brutalized, left sallow and broken. His skin was clammy, breath tinged with the scent of blood.

“Levi...” she exhaled shakily, and finally the manacles came lose and Levi crumpled into her arms. He buried his face against her neck, and she heard him inhale sharply, painfully.

Hange bit her lip, cupping the back of his head, stroking his greasy hair gingerly.

Moblit cupped her shoulder gently, his eyes wide with concern, “Section Commander, we need to go.”

Hange nodded, lifting Levi protectively into her arms. She wouldn’t let anyone help her. She couldn’t bear the thought of anyone touching him but her. She guarded him carefully all the way back to their hideout, keeping his head nestled safely in her lap as their cart wheeled bumpily along the city streets.

Hange treated his wounds as best she could. She wrapped his tortured fingers and stitched the wounds in his abdomen. She tied his broken toes to unbroken ones and gave him water each hour on the hour. As for his bruises? She could only hope that they were not set too deeply into his muscles and organs. She could only caress delicate fingers over his cheek and pray to whatever merciful gods might exist that he would come out of this trial relatively unscathed.

Though he would always bare the scars. Reminders of her own failure to protect him; the man she...

She utterly refused to leave his side, not even to report to Erwin. She sent Moblit in her stead.

And how could she leave him? Her Levi? Her partner in crime? How could she possibly rationalize leaving his side when he was so close to death, when she had nearly lost him.

She cried softly at night, sat up against a stark brick wall, just feet away from the Captain. She cried because she realized for the first time that she really, truly loved this man. She loved him with each individual fiber of her imperfect being. She loved him, and she had nearly lost him.

Levi had nearly died.

“I feel so helpless,” she whispered, blinking back her tears. “Levi, I’m so sorry. If I had just gotten there sooner you might not-

“Shut it, four-eyes,” Levi groused painfully, blinking to wakefulness. His voice was groggy, eyes blurry, but he still managed to reach out and touch Hange. He laid his bandaged had over her own.

“You’re awake,” Hange exhaled in relief, and she leaned over him slightly, scooting nearer. She could feel the reassuring heat of his body, watch the steady rise and fall of his chest.

“Did you...” Levi let out a painful wheeze when he tried to rise onto his elbows. Hange gently coaxed him back into the sheets. “Did you treat me?”

Hange nodded, sniffing, “I did. We’re still in hiding so we couldn’t call on any actual doctors.”

Levi swallowed thickly, wounded fingers curling gingerly around her own, “Is Kenny dead?”

“No, he wasn’t there when we raided the compound.”

“Shit.”

“Levi...” Hange leaned closer, looming over him. Her eyes flashed with genuine concern. Her throat suddenly felt too tight, too hot.

Levi went very still, and for a long moment they simply stared, gazing into one another’s eyes. There was a spark of recognition in Levi’s grey as he reconciled the emotion swirling in Hange’s russet irises.

“Hange...”

She kissed him, leaning carefully over his body and sealing their lips in a wet, tearful kiss. Her tongue traced along his lower lip, and he granted her entrance with a soft moan, mimicking her action in turn. Hange cupped his cheek, thumb brushing along his chin.

When they parted a soft sob wracked through Hange’s body, breath tickling along Levi’s parted lips, tears peppering his cheeks.

“I almost lost you,” Hange choked.

Slowly, Levi raised his good arm and cupped the back of her neck, pulling her in for another; slower, more reverent kiss.

Hange shifted her position over Levi’s body as their tongues and lips worked in tandem. She straddled his left thigh, her own thigh pressing very near to the crux of his legs where he was obviously hard, wearing only a thin pair of sleep pants that Hange had scrounged for him.

“You almost died,” she said when they parted again. Then she peppered his face with kisses from his forehead to his chin. “I almost lost you, Levi.”

“We’re soldiers,” Levi spoke, but there was no conviction behind his words. “Soldiers die.”

Hange shook her head, more tears welling. She bit her lip painfully, and when she opened her mouth to speak only a pained noise managed to eek past her lips.

“I knew that you would come for me,” Levi admitted after a moment of uncomfortable silence. “I knew you’d be the one.”

Hange nodded fiercely, then kissed him again. Her fingertips teased along the waistband of his pants, and he hummed in silent consent. Hange needed this, they needed this. This kairotic moment to which they had been building for years. This physical expression of their shared need, desires, and- though they did not give it voice- their love. All of it precipitating from such exquisite pain as nearly losing one another.

When she sank down onto him is was with a soft sigh. He filled her up, made her feel whole in a way she had never known she was missing. She was careful of his broken body, setting a slow, even pace that drove the both of them mad.

“Hange,” Levi whispered her name. His bandaged hands lifted to hold her hips as she rode him.

“I love you,” she admitted, ducking her face to hide behind her hair. “I love you and I almost lost you, Levi.”

Tears continued to pepper his face and chest as they made love, Hange gliding gracefully back and forth on him. He even managed to cant his hips slightly to meet her, drawing a quiet moan past her lips.

They reached climax quickly, peaking together in a moment which Hange could only describe as one of pure light.

Afterwards she tucked herself into his good side, head resting on his shoulder, cum dripping between her thighs.

“I love you, short stuff. I love you so much it hurts. And to see you so broken, in so much pain... I can’t.” The tears were flowing again, dampening the sheets.

“Easy,” he touched her hair. “I’m alive, four-eyes. You saved me.”

“Not before-

“Hey, enough of that shit,” Levi demanded, though his voice was soft. He inclined his head to kiss Hange’s hair. “I’m alive four eyes. I’m alive because you came for me.”

Hange blinked away her tears and nuzzled into Levi’s neck. Muffled against his skin she breathed, “I love you.”

Levi closed his eyes. Body still aching, in tatters, but with Hange by his side he felt as though everything might turn out okay.

He loved her, too.

#levihan #my writing

82 notes · View notes

lunaekalenda · 3 years

Note

Hello! I hope it's okay to send another request, I always feels insecure about sending too much 😭 Anyway this is kinda weird so feel free to change anything that you don't like!

So, you know that the ackermans have that special person that they form a bond and always follows and protects them, right?

So what if Levi discovers that before the reader join the corps she used to live with Kenny (not romantically) and she's his host until for some reason they had to split up?

Thank you!

ofc! i hope you like it! <3 sorry for all the waiting hun! i hope i didn’t mess up your idea :’)

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❁ canon violence, non-canon events

❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁

“Stronger!” Levi commands you. You hit the practice mannequin harder, your knee finding its abdomen. Levi looks closely. He knows that way of fighting. He knows it too well. Analyzing every movement you do, every punch and every kick.

“Where are you from?” he asks. You stop hitting the mannequin to look at your captain. Sweat pearls run down your neck and your chest raises up and down fast. He handles you a bottle with water. You drink.

“From the Underground, sir. Mitras’ Underground.” Levi nods. He supposed that. As well as he supposed who taught you to fight.

“You learned there?” He asks. You nod, drinking a little bit more. He looks how your lips part from the bottle. "Who taught you?"

"Kenny the Ripper." you say. That's how he was known on the Underground. Levi nods.

“Do you mind if we drink a cup of tea while you explain me how did you met Kenny?”

After you took a shower and reunited with Levi near his dorm, he invited you to enter to the living room, where two cups were waiting to be filled with hot tea. You whispered “thanks” when Levi served you.

“Why do you know Kenny?” he asks. You take a sip of the tea before answering.

“He found me on a street, about to die of hunger.”

Someone steps on the piece of bread you were about to eat, leaving it smashed and full of dirt. You’re only six years, and you have been living like this all your life. Trying to get some bread from yesterday, some burnt pieces of meat people doesn’t want to eat. A tall and slim man stands in front of you. His hands give you a little bun. You look up at him: he’s wearing a hat and has two guns on each side of the hips. He gets on his knees.

“Are you okay? Where’s your mom?” he asks. You take a bite of the bun, so warm and soft.

“Mom died.”

Levi nods while he plays with the cup, his index touching the handle. Levi’s brows get frowned. Why the hell would Kenny Ackerman help a child?

“Continue, please.”

“He gave me something to eat and then let me sleep on his house.”

The tall man walked in front of you. Even when he looks kinda old, he kept walking fast, your tiny little legs couldn’t follow his rhythm. He looked back and found you bitting the bun.

“Come on, buddy.” he said, rushing you. You followed him as fast as you could, avoiding crashing with the people. He opened a door and let you inside. “This is your new room. It was my nephew’s...” You crawled into the bed, the softest thing you’ve ever touched. With the bun in your mouth, you tried to put your head on the pillow. “Uh- you’re going to choke! Put your head up while you eat, you little one!”

“I slept on his nephew’s room all the years I lived there, but never met him.” you say. Levi sighs before drinking a little. “He taught me how to fight, since a lot of guys wanted to get my food.”

The first day you went out to the market alone, you came back without food and without money. You were ten and some older guys kicked you and took all your things. Kenny asked why you were crying.

“Tha-that guys stole my things. The purse mommy gave me .” Kenny took a tissue and helped you to get rid of tears. He went out and came back later, when you where more calm, lying on the bed. He gave you your purse, empty but safe. “You found the bad guys?” Kenny nodded and sighed, taking his hat out. “You’re like a hero! You know how to fight?” Kenny looked at you and smiled a bit, before getting closer and make your hair a mess. “I know, buddy. And I’m going to teach you.”

Levi takes another sip, remaining silent. Kenny wasn’t a fan of children. He took care of Levi because he was his nephew, but you were just a random kid on his way. Why would he help you. Maybe he missed Levi and needed another child to take care of?

“So, you learned from him.” you nod. “How many years you lived there?”

“Since six to sixteen.” you answer. “Ten years in total.”

You entered home. You heard about the Scouts Captain, the one that is humanity’s stronger soldier. You didn’t know how amazing he was until you saw him. You went to Mitras to have a couple pieces of fruit, and an attack suddenly exploded in the center of the city. A black-haired man appeared, swinging from one building to another. That was the moment you decided to join the corps.

“Kenny!” you found him eating on the kitchen, his hat in the chair next to him.

“What’s up, bud?” he asks.

“Today I saw the strongest soldier! I want to be like him! I’m going to join the Survey Corps!”

Kenny’s gaze got lower. His nephew is considered humanity’s stronger soldier alive. He’s now your example to follow?

“Good decision, buddy. Go there and kick that old man in the ass.”

“Why did you join the Survey Corps?” he asks. You look to the ceiling, You didn’t want to tell Levi that you joined because of him. But, after all, it’s the truth.

“I saw you. On Mitras. I was amazed by you, I wanted to be like you. That’s why I joined.”

He looks surprised, but he clears his throat and moves to another thing.

“When you entered the military, you weren’t prepared.”

“That’s because Kenny always protected me like a father.”

Kenny kneeled in front of you, cleaning your wound with water. You frote your eyes with your hands, taking the tears away.

“You should kick them back.” He said. He clicked his tongue and kept healing you.

“But you were there to help me.”

“I know, buddy. But, someday, I won’t be here. I won’t last forever, you know? And I’m not that young...”

“B-but, Kenny, if you leave, who is going to protect me?” you asked, feeling how tears came back to your eyes.

“You’ll have to protect yourself, y/n”

“Like a father, huh?” Levi says for himself. He takes what’s left on the cup and stands up. “Okay, thanks. I think that’s all I wanted to know.”

“Thanks to you, Captain Levi.”

Levi looks at you. He asks.

“Do you know Kenny’s surname?” He asks.

“I’m Kenny Ackerman. And you?”

“I’m y/n” you said in quiet voice. He looked at you.

“What about your surname?” he asks. You raise your shoulders. You don’t know.

“Oh, shit. Should you use Ackerman as well?” he thought in high voice. You stayed there, looking at him, interested.

“Ackerman. It was also his nephew surname.” Levi smiles a bit and looks at you. His grey eyes seem hurt, but he’s smiling after all. “I always wondered if his nephew was as good as he was to me”

“I don’t know. Judge me by yourself” Levi smiled and left you there, thinking about his answer.

Was Levi, the strongest soldier, Kenny’s nephew. Was Levi’s bed the one you used all the nights? Was Levi the boy you always wanted to know more about?

You wanted to ask him, but the Captain left with his cup, proceeding to fill it again.

You’ve been always so close to his nephew.

Did Kenny know it when you told him you wanted to join?

Is Kenny proud of him?

Did Kenny give the same attention to him that to you?

You have a lot of questions on your head and, luckily, the Captain is talkative today.

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