#Kylux ff

[olderthannetfic]

I feel like such a hypocrite reblogging all these posts about how people like male characters more than female ones even if they have similar personalities/roles/wtv, but I read about this stuff precisely because I relate to it. "People think everything men do is cool and everything women do is either weak or Mary Sue" -- yes, it's me, I'm people. It's not like I do it deliberately or I'm proud of it, but I can observe and acknowledge the empirical fact that female characters just produce a very different emotional reaction in me than male ones.

I guess I like the safe distance of projecting onto characters who 1. are more obviously not me and 2. are judged less harshly than me (bc everything men do is cool) and that's not my fault, it's the patriarchy's, but then I can't challenge it. I can't say "women can be just as cool and we shouldn't be judged more harshly", I can only say "yea women suck let me forget I am one" like I'm still in my 9gag nlog tween phase -- or well, I can *say* the former, but I keep *acting and feeling* like the latter. And btw I'm not just talking about consuming media, where all you can choose from is what's on offer; I'm also talking about creating my own fanfics, which are all about men.

--

The reason a lot of those posts are so obnoxious is that they're just people wallowing in guilt and projecting.

The fact is, lots of people do like female characters. There's plenty of fiction about women. There's plenty of fic about women. There is not, in fact, some grand, existential problem where nobody cares about the ladies. If you aren't seeing this fic or original media, that's different from it not existing.

Two, your own fanfics? FFS. If you consume media that is a sausagefest, then of fucking course, your fic will be about dudes.

Just the other day, I spotted a story I hadn't read by a fantastic fantasy novelist. I hadn't looked her up much beyond buying her trilogy, and what do you know: she actually says who she is in fandom openly!

I was entertained to find out that her big thing is kylux. You really wouldn't guess based on her pro work, which is about a harried female doctor taking care of supernatural patients. I remember those books being a refreshing change from my usual diet of nothing but slash fic. It's not just that there's a female lead but that they take a nuanced look at female characters.

Personally, as a writer, I wasn't ready to write much about women until I was better at writing overall, and my more self inserty characters aren't usually going to be women anyway unless they're like Julia from the Hilary Tamar series.

--

If you're uncomfortable with yourself, you can try to change, sure.

But fandom is full of this obnoxious plague where people think that it's the job of each person to make there be more female characters. This isn't necessary. Even if we want media or fic to be more balanced overall, it doesn't follow that each person needs to produce a balanced body of work.

Why should you in particular care about female characters?

--

But beyond all that, oh my fucking lord, I am so tired of that species of post that's like "Gosh, why is slash fandom, where people go to be horny over dudes and/or have self inserty feelings about them, not more full of stuff about ladies? It's so tragic how we all want to get rid of our boobs and wear men's clothing and be addressed as sir, just like all the other girls. What's up with that? It must be misogyny."

With a totally straight face.

Every god damn time.

[dragonflies-draw-flame]

Undone

First a kiss: Soft Sweet Hard

Then—the wrists waist hips Slip Take your breath—ah! More!

Fingers palms over skin Warm give Gasping —!

Legs: Long twined firm Wrap Push and press Stars, Ren!

Enough? No, Not enough— No: harder deeper there!

Soft sweet Crimson depths: Slick wet hot Ah, lover—oh, Yes!

Yours: Un- make me Take me Use me (Daddy)

Speak your Words against my flesh tongue Heart

(Heart?)

Fuck: Lust fight Flay (Love) (Am I yours?)

Say it Come Breathless (Love!)

(Say it:)

(...Ren Please)

Say it:

Ren,

Love:

Yes.

(Reposting from here separately for posterity and so it's easier to see.)

There was no way I was going to be able to keep it under 100 words if I wrote in my normal prose. If you've ever said more than "hi" to me you know brevity is not my strength 😅. But poetry? Well—that's different, of course! Also on AO3 here with the rest of my naughty Kylux poetry—a phrase I never thought I'd say.

I used to be a respectable poet. I used to write about nature, ffs.

I hope you guys are happy 😅.

[not-so-allegiant-general]

I am travelling all night and then there is whole day train ride ahead. Any ff recommendation? Kylux or gingerpilot or anything good. Drop your favourites!

[frankendeers]

Kylux fic Update: Choking on the Ashes of His Enemy

Genre: Fantasy AU Rating: Explicit In a land devastated by war, two kingdoms fight over complete control. Armitage Hux is already twenty-six, entirely unfit for combat and a disgrace to his father. Faced with the prospect of certain death as nothing but a mere soldier, he struggles to hold his own. Spiteful of fate, Hux dreams of ascending to the throne, unite the kingdoms beneath him and finally do what his ancestors never could: Eradicate magic once and for all. Everything changes however, when he decides to save a strange raven from certain doom. Stranger still, the raven turns out to be a cursed prince.

Read Here!

[huxgrandmarshal]

Hi there! How do u like number 3 with ofc kylux? In some modern au? :)

Hi!Thank you so much for sending in a prompt. I really hope you’ll enjoy! “i just want to see you smile…” 

“What isthis about, Ren?”Even though Hux knows better, there is an annoyed edge to his tone that makesRen frown. In hindsight, his expression has been strangely hopeful from themoment Hux stepped into their shared apartment. But Hux is too tired to correct himself, eyesbarely open above purple shadows and hollow cheeks. His day has been abysmalto the point where he actually considered throwing Mitaka out of the window fornervously declaring the loss of important insurance files, potentially costingthem half a fortune. So Hux is understandably unenthusiastic about the prospectof any more surprises, especially the kind that will make his childishboyfriend excited enough to practically leap on him before he even has thechance to take his coat off. “You will see.”Ren hovers over him radiating his particular brand of intense energy whichnormally never fails to make his cock hard. Today, however he can’t bringhimself to consider anything other than to watch some mindless television showuntil he falls asleep drooling on Ren’s massive chest. There is a kink in hisneck that has been making it exceedingly difficult to turn his head while thecramped muscles in his back are painfully reminding him that he is approachinghis mid-thirties and thus, leaving his prime faster than expected. Which isespecially ironic, seeing as some of his co-workers are inappropriately upsetbecause of his age and the fact, that he’s in a position of power while theyare doomed to spend the rest of their work life underneath him. Although theyshould all feel thoroughly satisfied as First Order Corp. has sealed importantdeals throughout the last two years of his leadership, he notices sharp eyesfollowing him to his office, arrogant smirks in the canteen where he is forcedto listen to poorly concealed gossip about his abilities, supposedly baddecisions and, infuriatingly, his relationship to the heir of a rivallingcompany. Conflict of interest! They spout such garbage with revoltingconfidence, making Hux wonder if he is actually paying High Schoolers for playing dressup six days a week.When Ren rests his hands on his shoulders, Hux can’t help but feel himself meltinto the familiar warmth. After they first started fucking, almost six yearsago, Ren had been amused with Hux’s post-coital behaviour: Entirelytoo fixated on Ren’s size, idly touching every muscle to feel it flex beneathhis fingertips, culminating in his still lingering tendency to press theirpalms together, marvelling at the difference. Maybe it’s some kind of soothingspell, because Hux sighs when Ren does it now, leaning in for a small kiss thatleaves Hux wanting.

“Not yet.” It is truly annoying Hux how Ren seems to enjoy this artifically constructed sense of superiority over him. Why can’t he just get it over with so thatthey can move on to more pleasant parts of the evening?Ren apparently notices the shift in Hux’s mood. He always does. Sometimes thiscauses them to shout at each other until Ren decides to silence him by crushingtheir mouths together, their passion often bordering on actual violence. Othertimes, Ren feels particularly sensitive about any perceived slight and Hux can’t  bring himself to soothe his every whim, causing them to bite with wordsuntil their minds are bleeding. It is when Hux ponders the potential end oftheir relationship, that he’s overcome by grief, so violently that it tearsdown the walls of his pride, bit by bit, until he can see Ren again, standing onthe other side. Now, itmakes his boyfriend grab his chin and force him to stare into his eyes. Hux’s dicktwitches hopefully, sensing the beginning of an intense session of fucking, buthe only meets warm reassurance: “I promise it’s worth it.”Hux opens his mouth to protest, he hates games like these, but Ren’s hand isquicker, pressing down on his lips. 

“Are you going to be trusting and good for me, Hux?”Hux stares wide eyed and nods as if compelled by an unseen force. “I am now going to give you your surprise and you’re going to close your eyesand wait it out patiently.” Something in Ren’s gaze hardens with want, makingHux gasp wetly against his palm. “And afterwards you can reward me by puttingthat mouth to better use than complaining.”Hux is speechless but he likes being told what to do at times, especially whenwork has drained him to an empty shell of exhaustion. However, he feels helplessly stupid, standing there with his eyes closed in the middle of theirkitchen, but even he can’t find it in him to spoil whatever Ren has planned –no matter his reservations. His heartbeat spikes anxiously when the rustling next door stops, and Ren’s shuffling footsteps comecloser. “Give me your hand.”

“Ren—”

“Don’t be so fucking paranoid.” That asshole has the audacity to laugh at him!

Lifting his palm uncertainly, he shrieks when it touches something soft andwarm. Ren catches his wrist, locking him in place and guiding his hand downcarefully. It is then, that a satisfied chirp solves the mystery. “You didn’t…”Hux eyes flutter open. His sweaty palm is pressed against the fur of a red cat,currently busy with curiously sniffing at him with its pink, wet nose. Ren looksdown at him smugly, clearly expecting to be praised as he holds the cat like aprize he just won. “Her name is Millicent!” Ren announces pompously.Heat rises to Hux’s cheeks as emotions was over him. There is something in thepit of his stomach that now of all moments decides to frantically crawl its wayup into his throat, effectively robbing him of his breath. Ren and the cat blurover before Hux manages to wipe at his eyes, embarrassed by his outburst.Ren seems worried, knitting his brows together: “You’re not seriously mad atme, are you?”Hux shakes his head, voice stolen by this unspeakable thing still expanding, spillinginto his chest. He tries to compose himself as quickly as possible, warmthspreading to his hands and legs, head swimming. He feels insane all of a sudden, wants to leapup and kiss this strange, giant-man for falling into his life, butall he manages is: “I really hope you know how much a cat costs.”Ren inhales, to say something stupid without a doubt, so it is Hux who shusheshim this time, kissing him softly. “I can’t believe it!” Ren says after they separated. “You’re still like this! Willyou smile already? You always look so fucking defeated, I hate it. I just wantto see you smile.”Too exhausted for a witty remark, Hux does so, noticing that it doesn’t feel as foreign as expected, although it makes his cheeks hurt. For once, everything seems to be exactly where it should be.

Ren smirks: “I told you, you could put your mouth to better use.”Hux raises an eyebrow. “I can’t believe how cheesy that is. I am offended.”Ren leans forward once more, lips brushing purposefully against the sensitiveskin of Hux’s ear: “You can also give me a blowjob.”

[foxy-pugg]

KYLUX FAM!

Does anyone know good kylux fanfictions of them stranded together on a planet or post TROS where they have to work together to survive?

Mulitchapter if possible!

Thank you!!

[solohux]

Prompts are open? Would you mind doing something that's a continuation of an earlier idea of yours? Where Fox!Hux is moody because he's in heat and so he and Kylo have sex and he gets pregnant but when he's all happy and clingy Kylo doesn't understand what's changed, leading to some angst on Hux's part? Do you remember that idea? Like a continuation of that please :D

I assume you’re talking about this ask!

“We have to do something, Dopheld,” Thanisson nudges his fellow officer, noting how Doph’s rabbit ears are flopped down in woe. “He won’t even go to a medic.”

“Well, we can’t force him,” Dopheld replies. “He’s our General.”

“And he’s pregnant. He’s hurting himself and his pup.”

“He’s also not deaf,” Hux calls out from where he lies on the sofa, wrapped in his favourite silk robe, eyeing his two officers from across the room. “I asked you two to deliver my reports to me and you’ve done that. You are dismissed.”

“With all due respect, sir,” Thanisson steps forward, his golden puppy tail in between his legs. “We’re concerned about you.”

Hux doesn’t look up, letting his datapad rest on the gentle curve of his two-month pregnant belly. Even without being so close to him, Mitaka and Thanisson can see the red lines around his eyes from all the crying he’s done, and the way his pretty fox ears and fluffy fox tail just lie limply against him is a worrying sign; depression is a cruel prize that awaits an abandoned, pregnant fox.

“I appreciate your loyalty, gentlemen, but nothing can be done.”

“You could talk to him, sir,” Dopheld says quietly, nervously. “Even he wouldn’t want to see you like this.”

Hux scoffs, “He’s made it perfectly clear that he doesn’t want anything to do with me. Or his pups.”

Dopheld and Thanisson share a worried glance, “Pups, sir?”

“Twins, yes, if you must know,” Hux switches off his datapad and tosses it onto the coffee table with a heavy sigh. “Dismissed.”

“Yes, General,” both of them say in unison with dejected tones as they turn to leave without uttering another word.

Hux watches them leave, absently wishing he could ask them to stay and keep him company instead of him being alone with his upsetting thoughts and broken heart. Closing his eyes, the fox allows himself to cry quietly, cuddling his pregnant belly in the hopes that it’ll help to comfort him.

It doesn’t.

                                               / ……………/

The moment that Kylo steps through the door to his chambers, Hux is on him like a magnet to metal; arms wrapped around his neck and pressing their bodies so closely together that Kylo can feel Hux’s heart pounding.

The wolf can’t help but sigh exhaustedly at finding Hux in his private quarters for another consecutive night. It’s been almost a month now of Hux living in here, being present when Kylo leaves in the morning to when he comes back in the evenings after training or missions. The fox has become so clingy that it’s almost embarrassing; giving him a good knotting to tame him as obviously worked a little too well.

“I’ve missed you,” Hux purrs, rubbing his cheek against Kylo’s as though trying to scent him. The wolf represses his urge to growl. “I’ve got some news to share with you. I thought you would have been back from training hours ago.”

“I did some overtime,” Kylo states, giving Hux a quick kiss on the forehead in the hopes that it’ll send him away. “And I’m pretty tired.”

“Say no more,” Hux steps back with an understanding nod. “I’ll run you a bath and order you some food and then we can talk. Would you like—”

“NO.” Kylo snaps, brushing past Hux and walking away from him. “I’d like for you to go back to your own chambers and give me some fucking space for once.”

The fox’s ears flop, and his shock become palpable through the Force around Kylo, annoyingly so.. “Space? Ren. Are you breaking up with me?”

Kylo halts, letting his tail angrily spike. “Breaking—? Hux. We’re not together!”

“Wh-what?”

“Is that why you’ve been so clingy? Is that why you’ve been at my side constantly since that first night? It was sex one time, Hux.”

“And many times after that.”

“So? We have great sex. I like knotting you. You took it so well on that first night that I wanted to keep doing it.”

Hux has tears in his eyes, “You brought me back here—to your den—whilst I was in heat and knotted me. Please tell me how I could have possibly misread those signs that we’re in a relationship?”

“You weren’t in heat,” Kylo rolls his eyes, shaking his head. “I would have smelt it.”

“I was in heat,” Hux corrects, clenching his fists by his sides. “Because I’m pregnant, Kylo. I’m four weeks pregnant.”

The air turns cold. The two just stand on opposite sides of the room, staring at one another with confusion in their eyes—though Hux is clearly angry too.

“Pregnant,” Kylo echoes, digging one of his sharp canines into his bottom lip in the hopes that it’ll wake him from this dream.

“I thought you wanted me,” Hux says softly. “I thought you wanted me to be part of your pack. But you just wanted to knot me, is that it?”

“I…”Kylo finds himself suddenly shy, lost for words.

“Well?”

“I thought knotting you would make you more likely to listen to me, shut you up.”

The fox growls, storming past Kylo with flames of anger in his eyes, “I thought you cared! You! You vile monster!”

Hux’s rage hits Kylo like a tonne of bricks when they brush shoulders as Hux leaves, taking Kylo’s unborn child with him. The wolf does nothing, merely standing frozen on the spot and staring at the door, believing that Hux will be back any moment because he clearly can’t be without Kylo.

But he doesn’t come back. He never comes back. He resigns his work to his chambers, claiming that the medics have signed him off duty with a terrible but non-contagious strain of flu that only affects his species. Kylo doesn’t see him again for weeks.

The worst thing? Kylo misses him.

                                               /……………./

Hux wakes from his turbulent dreams with the feeling that he’s being watched. He’s still curled up on his sofa, naked beneath his black robe and hand resting atop the small bump of belly. The fox stretches, flicking out his tail too, and groans quietly as he opens his eyes.

“Ren!” The sight of the wolf kneeling on the floor in front of Hux’s sofa is enough to make him jump of out his skin with surprise. “What are you—? Get out!”

Kylo’s tail is between his legs, his helmet on the floor beside him, “Before you kick me out, let me talk to you. Please, Hux. Please.”

Just being near him again is intoxicating, Hux finds, taking in the young wolf’s dejected expression.

“Fine,” Hux sits up, folding his legs underneath him and making sure not even a slither of his pale neck is showing beneath his robe. “Speak quickly.”

“This is my first and final attempt to win you back,” Kylo begins, unable to hide the shakiness to his voice. “If, after this, you tell me to leave you be then I swear to you that I will. I won’t concern you with my sentimentality again. We’ll return to our formal positions and that will be it. But I…cannot begin to understand how much I’ve hurt you, Hux. I won’t tell you that I’m sorry because I’ve said it so much that I fear you’ll think I won’t mean it if I say it now. But I plan to spend the rest of my miserable life showing you how sorry I am. I thought I just wanted a quick fuck but I don’t, I never did. I want you, General, if you’ll take me back.”

Hux huffs.

“I want you in my pack,” Kylo continues, his head still bowed. “I want you to be mine.”

“How do I know that this isn’t another trick to tame me? To shut me up?”

“You don’t. I’d say you have to trust me but I know it’s going to take a long time for that to happen. Please, Hux. I was an idiot.”

“A big idiot.”

“Yes, that. I’m sorry. Not having you near me has made me see how much I care…how much I…love…you.”

Hux’s heart flutters at the words that he’s been dreaming of hearing since he stormed out of Kylo’s chambers.

“Look at me,” he orders, and the wolf obeys.

Hux moves almost too suddenly, tail wagging as he leaps into Kylo’s arms, and those strong arms hold him tighter than he’s ever been held before. Hux’s copper hair rubs against Kylo’s cheek as the wolf gently nuzzles him as though trying to get as close as possible to him, make up for the lost time they’ve been apart.

“Don’t leave me,” Hux says, pulling apart for a moment to grab Kylo’s wrist, guiding it to the soft, curved top of his belly. “Us. We don’t want you to go.”

“Never,” Kylo says, scenting Hux’s cheek before kissing him. “Never again.”

[darthlenaplant]

(Not exactly that friendly) reminder for the Hux fandom:

Mitaka exists and he is still alive.

Just sayin'...

[brainyraccoons]

We won’t be waiting for the weekend We’re waiting on the sun We don’t need anyone’s permission To have a little bit of fun

my art | top surgery fundraiser

[jeusus]

Little AU set a few years after the world failed to stop the zombie apocalypse.

Ron and Thomas are traveling across the US, trying to get to Ron’s twin brother (Paterson)’s house.

[malvoi]

my teacher, glancing down my phone : great to know that kids these days still appreciate fine literature even if they’re on their phones! these e-books things are very revolutionary indeed

me :

me : literature yeah absolutely

my phone : /furiously/ SMUTSMUTSMUTSMUTSMU- oh and is that fluff i see

[thesevioletdel1ghts]

at this point I am convinced that the peter rabbit movie is just two hours of gratuitous and indecent domhnall shots

[sidmjkgc]

Small town witch come to mess me up (3105 words) by SidMjkGc

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015) Rating: Mature Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Armitage Hux/Kylo Ren, Kylo Ren/Rey, Armitage Hux/Kylo Ren/Rey Characters: Armitage Hux, Kylo Ren, Rey (Star Wars) Additional Tags: Sexual Fantasy, Rey is just mentioned, Bottom Kylo Ren, Fantasy of sharing a partner, Smut, Porn with Feelings, Threesome - F/M/M

Summary:

After everything went to shit, Kylo Ren has become obsessed with that scavenger girl.

Look, I did a thing!

[sinningsquire]

Ooh Hux in 242 please?

I don’t even know what I am doing anymore (consistent style? What’s that?) but here you have him. He’s... designing, probably. Might be just messing with Kylo’s head. 

[frankendeers]

The second chapter is out now! The Old Brag of my Heart - A Kylux FF.

Neither Armitage Hux nor Ben Solo really wanted a pen pal. It feels almost ridiculously cruel to demand they relay every horrible detail of their lives to a complete stranger. Despising each other's guts seems to be the only acceptable option to avoid honesty. That is until they realise that there is only one way to survive: and that is to find meaning fast. Alternative Universe - Modern Setting

Rating: Explicit (Will be justified in later chapters) Warnings: Mental Illness, Mentions of Suicide, Mentions of Child Abuse

Read here!

[huxgrandmarshal]

Void

Ren stared at the dark ceiling of his quarters, listening to the far away chatter of some negligent stormtroopers on night-shift while Hux drooled on his naked chest. At night, the blackness of his room seemed to swallow the walls until he wondered if they weren’t all fated to aimlessly drift away into the nothingness of space. He often felt like that, dreading approaching sleep an animal that would tear chunks out of his chest, watchful of him ever since he had been a small child. At first, he had thought his parents never took him seriously when he staggered into their room at night, feet bare and cheeks wet, crying about an absence of light he was too young to understand. Ironically, it turned out he shouldn’t have feared the possibility of them downplaying his night terrors, he should have been terrified about what would happen if they didn’t.

Hux twitched in his sleep, almost awake for a second, before he pressed his cheeks more firmly into Ren’s collarbone. Ren turned his head to bury his nose into Hux’s hair. It never smelled of anything in particular, to be honest. Just clean in a way that shouldn’t have been so absurdly comforting since he was sure, Hux only ever used the First Order’s standard soap –unscented of course. Ren was not sure how he found himself in such a compromising position, only ever able to fall asleep after he had put his dick into his General, but here he was. When it started, they had been needlessly violent, enjoying how much sicker they could get from drinking each other’s pain. It had never been their plan to cling and share a bed like some bizarre parody of a couple in love. It was then, that Ren could feel Hux’s pale eyelashes flutter open, tickling against the sensitive skin on Ren’s chest like the most ridiculously fragile thing. Of course, Hux would wake up when he indulged in stupid thoughts. Sometimes Ren wondered if he secretly wasn’t the only one able to sense a shift in the force, Hux’s horrible timing impossible to explain otherwise.

“Ren…” Even though barely awake, his voice was already edging its way towards harsh again. “Why aren’t you asleep, yet?”

Ren did not answer immediately. He took pleasure in letting Hux simmer for a while, just to remind him that the supreme leader could do whatever he wanted. Also, the question was rich coming from a person who usually needed to stim himself into a half-coma to find some semblance of sleep –at least if Ren’s dick was not available.

Hux was predictably unamused. Ren did not even need to consult the force to feel Hux’s irritation nip at him like an angry loth-cat. “May I remind you of the fact that we have an important meeting tomorrow? You need an appropriate amount of sleep to fully function. The Theselans do not appreciate inattention.” His own annoyance took Ren off guard. “Well, what a shame. Maybe I will have the meeting cancelled all together.”

“What?” Hux began to untangle his limbs from Ren’s immediately, shoving his arm away before he sat up to rub at his temples. “The Theselans control a substantial part of Agor-5’s mines. We are in dire need of resources after our failure on Crait—”

“No.” Ren’s voice slices into Hux’s word like a blade. He can feel Hux’s body go tense, feels his own jaw setting. Ever since the incident, they have avoided talking about it. The thought of his mother, standing back while his uncle mocked him by dying, leaving Ren alone on a mountain of mistakes that he helped to commit, high and mighty even as he faded. And Rey. Rey looking down on him as she locked him out of his own sanity. “I forbid you from saying it.” Hux’s eyebrows shot up, scoffing humourlessly: “You’re being carried away by your imagination. I am just stating facts, supreme leader.” Hux was apparently back to using his title like an insult, every syllable spoken with needless care.

Ren stayed quiet, his teeth pressed together until he felt his skull ringing. That’s right. He had allowed all of this to happen by indulging his own childish needs for comfort, preferring a warm embrace to a much-needed victory. Somewhere along the way, he had started to believe Hux gasped his name against his lips because he needed him, not because he was close to coming. And now he had to endure the man stabbing at his wounds like a cruel child dissecting an insect to find out how it worked. Ren knew that this was what Hux had intended to do all along: Open him up nicely and ask for control. He should have torn apart Hux’s mind himself, but his heart always fluttered in sobbing denial when he tried.

“I see.” Hux swung his legs over the edge of the bed and began to reach for his pants “You’re in a mood again. I will come back when you’re ready to see reason.”

“No.” Ren sounded flat, even to himself. Something had awoken in his chest and it had Rey’s eyes and Han’s hands and it felt like the remnants of his mother’s good night’s kiss. Why did everyone try to kill him in his sleep?

“Pardon?” Hux tried to put on a façade as he pulled a black undershirt over his scrawny chest. Despite his demeanor, Ren could feel the worry radiating off of him, like a distressing holonet broadcast.

“You heard me. Stay.”

“What is wrong with you? You are behaving strangely. Even more so than usual.”

“Why are you doing this, Hux?”

“What? Leave?” There was a confused hint of amusement in Hux’s words, but it was unconvincing. Ren knew he was close to finding out the truth. “I should be the one asking what has gotten—” His voice cut off abruptly when Ren ripped the uniform-jacket out of his hands with the force.

“You know exactly what I mean. This.” Ren gestured dramatically around the room. Normally it would have pulled a sarcastic remark out of Hux, but not this time. He was watching Ren, growing pale, eyes wide with something akin of fear. “Why aren’t you leaving after I fucked you, huh? Is it because the general likes to be held after sucking cock? Yes? You know I could crack your mind open like an egg and just see all the bullshit, Hux!”

Hux was just standing there, arms hanging limply at his sides. Even though he was obscured by darkness, Ren could practically see the red splotches appearing on his white face.

“You impertinent child…” Hux’s voice was quivering, but he kept himself composed. “I am leaving.”

“I thought I could trust you. You never loved me, you loved what I could give you. Power, mainly. Because this is all you care about, isn’t it?”

Hux’s exhaled shakily in the silence of the room, hand outstretched to open the door, yet inexplicably hesitating to leave.

Ren stared at his narrow frame, suddenly missing how Hux’s fringe would tickle his face. After he had first remarked about it, Hux had made sure to always comb out the gel when he climbed into his bed after a shift. Ren felt as if someone has kicked him in the sternum.

Neither of them talked for a while.

“That’s not it…” Ren muttered, slowly treading at the edge of Hux’s mind. Although always putting an affront of sturdiness, it feels frayed and paper-thin, like the set of a stage-play. An ever-present feeling of loneliness, almost mellow, a shrill of anxiety that sounded like his father’s bellowing voice and beneath that, deeper, something else. Warm. A delicate little emotion that didn’t want to be touched. Ren gasped, brows knitted together too tightly. “You love me.”

Hux moans and jolts to leave, but turns around instead. He has a look of disgust on his face, desperately clutching at his snarl, even when his eyes gloss over. “Are you having fun? Is this what you’re doing now? How about you choke me some more, while you’re at it, Ren? Maybe you’d want to grab me by the hair and drag me to the bridge, so my officers can see me smashed against the walls some more?”

Ren shook his head standing. He was slow, approaching Hux like a frightened animal. “You told yourself it was more practical to combine our evenings with discussions about matters of the order. You looked for excuses. You have always—”

“Stop!” Silenced by the genuine pain in Hux’s voice, Ren just stood there, waiting. “Don’t do this. Get out of my head! Stop it with this nonsense…Stop playing with me—”

When Hux’s mind screams to be touched, Ren lunges forward and grabs him in his arms, trapping him against the cold durasteel wall and the head of his body. Hux protested weakly, a wet sound dying at the back of his throat, before his head falls forward.

“I am sorry.” Ren muttered, lips moving against Hux’s damp forehead. “I am sorry…”

“No…” Was all Hux whispered, yet he did not push Ren away and even complied when he was holstered into Ren’s arms to be carried back into bed.

Ren didn’t know how long they laid there, silently floating away into space through the non-existent ceiling, hands tangled in each other’s hair, mouths moving around meaningless words.

But it was not frightening anymore.