#LOVE that they arrive here and are attacking him in the same page

[completeoveranalysis]

[7]

It's almost strange seeing Fai use his magic after all this time, and I can’t even enjoy it knowing what it cost

But oh how the spell he casts here also looks like an eye as it takes them into Evil Wolverine’s Evil Branding Department HQ

Like they're all being carried by the exact piece of Syaoran that he left behind (Fai's Eye) for them to use

Ohoho

Ok despite everything I do like Evil Wolverine looking completely different to normal. Evil Wolverine bleeding? Evil Wolverine almost looking scared as they show up?

WONDERFUL. Lovely sight. 10/10, only improved by Kurogane and Lava Lamp leaping into the air to attack him instantly. 

[thesecretestblogever]

Can I request Nico Hischier smut with always needing physical contact in the hot tub?

pairing : nico hischier x reader

w.c. : 1.4k, oops i got carried away

warnings : hot tub sex!, unrprotected p in v, voyeurism but not really 

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

You’re at your parents for the weekend, celebrating Memorial Day. It means you get to enjoy the lake they live on, their boat, some fireworks, and entirely too much alcohol. The sun beats down in the middle of the day - the weather has only just started to warm up, so it’s the perfect time to enjoy the outdoors. 

The best part is the hot tub your parents had installed next to their pool. You alternate between the cool and hot water, but right now you’re relaxing back with a drink in one hand and Nico’s thigh in the other. 

It’s one of the first weekends that Nico isn’t preoccupied with hockey. His break has just officially started and you’re reveling in the uninterrupted time you get to spend with him. No early morning practices, no games, no traveling to other states and missing him. It’s also your first time bringing him home for an extended stay. He’s met your parents plenty of times, but you don’t miss how special it feels to finally spend time together like one big, happy family.

He would drag you into his lap if you’d let him, but you’re trying to keep him at bay. You’re together with no interruptions for the first time in a long time, but the alone time is limited. You’ve only been able to have sex once since you arrived at your parents house and it involved Nico shoving your own panties in your mouth to keep you quiet. You can tell he’s losing patience slowly day by day, and it's almost impossible to keep his hands off you.

His arm is around your waist, his fingers drawing patterns on your hip and playing dangerously with the ties on your bikini bottoms. You shoot him a glare, but all you get in return is a smirk and a kiss to your temple. He’s putting his hands all over you when your family goes inside to grab something or they look away for a moment. 

“Behave,” you murmur in his ear before squeezing hard on the soft spot above his knee. He jumps and it’s his turn to glare at you. 

“Maybe I don’t want to,” he nips at your earlobe and speaks lowly when no one is looking. He’s almost insatiable and you know the longer this goes on, the more likely it is that he’s going to steal you away to the bathroom and take you there. You’re hoping that you can get some alone time together soon, because you want it as bad as he does.

The sun is lower in the sky now, clouds nowhere to be seen and the color fading from a bright blue to warm reds and oranges on the horizon. You’re lounging on the couch inside after a long day in the sun in between Nico’s legs. His body takes up the whole thing so your back is resting against his bare chest and he’s playing with your hair. You have yet to take off your bikini, just opting to steal one of Nico’s tees to cover up.

“We’re gonna go play cards a few houses down! You guys want to tag along?” Your mom asks. This was your perfect opportunity, so you fake a yawn and stretch to plant the seed.

“I’m feeling pretty beat. I think we might stay in tonight,” you sigh. You can feel Nico’s eyes on the back of your head, questioning your motives here. “Okay! We’ll probably be back in a few hours! There’s leftovers in the fridge and you know where the drinks are. Love you!”

As soon as the door clicks shut, you’re turning around in Nico’s arms and attacking his lips with yours. He’s on the same page as you and just as enthusiastic. The oversized tee is nearly ripped off your head and you’re mumbling into his lips because neither of you want to separate.

“Hot tub. Now,” and you manage to pull yourself off of him. He’s like an obedient dog, rising with you with his hands holding tightly as your waist. You take a brief intermission on your way out of the house where he has you pressed against the wall, attacking your neck and pushing his leg up into your clothed pussy. 

You finally make it outside and inch your way into the heated water. It makes every one of your senses heightened and sweat forms on the back of your neck. You waste no more time and attack him again, and he pulls you down to sit on his lap. Your tongues are wrapped around each other, teeth hitting each other as you desperately grind down on the bulge in his board shorts. Nothing about this is sweet, but it will be short. You’d hoped to savor the few hours alone, but everything is hot and fast-paced and will be over too soon. 

He turns you around so you’re kneeling on the raised seat and leaning over the edge of the hot tub, holding yourself up on the concrete. Your bottoms are swiftly untied and he throws them behind him. His shorts come off next, and you glance behind you to see the discarded clothes swirling around in the water. His cock is big and red and fuck if you don’t want it buried inside of you. You reach behind you to grab him and get a few pumps in on the soft skin before he swats your hand away.

He kisses the back of your neck before guiding his length to your soaking folds. He teases himself by running his cock through you and collecting the juices there, moving slow and then pushing into you all at once. He tries to go slow and focus, but the combination of the warm water and your warm pussy surrounding him ends that pretty quickly. 

There’s not many trees that cover the yard and you can still see some boats on the water as the sun sets. The neighbors could be outside, someone could innocently look over and see Nico’s bare ass as he pounds into you from behind, and the potential of getting caught is all the more thrilling. 

“You like getting fucked out in the open?” He asks, his hands have a bruising grip on your hips as he yanks you back onto him and the water sloshes out from the hot tub onto the concrete. “You want someone to see you, all fucked out on my cock?” He’s panting fast and small moans leak in between his words. The jets are on, and he made sure to place you directly in front of one, the pressure hitting your clit just right. It’s not quite enough pressure, but the additional stimulation is delicious. 

“Fuck, Nico, please. Harder,” you’re approaching your orgasm fast. Your senses are overwhelmed by his hands on you, the hot water burning your skin, the rough concrete biting into your elbows. It’s all too much and you can’t help but be a writhing, moaning mess. He finds leverage with one hand on your hip, the other wrapping around to push aside your top and grab your boob. 

“Fuuuuccccck, this cunt,” he breathes out. It’s deep and gravelly and you know it means he’s close too. He yanks you up from the edge of the tub, arms wrapping around your waist and his thrusts grow sloppy and quick. He’s whispering all kinds of dirty words in your ear and placing open-mouthed, hot kisses along your throat. One of his hands travels down to wipe quick circles over your clit and the added stimulation next to the jets is all you need to break around him. 

Your hips jerk uncontrollably as you come around him, your walls shaking and squeezing around him. You cry out and his hand comes to cover your mouth quickly in case anyone is close by. The biting pleasure makes your eyes roll back into your head as you see stars. It feels like there’s electricity running through your veins, and you don’t know if you’ve ever come this hard. Feeling you come undone is all he needs to follow with a guttural groan as he stills inside of you. You’re frozen like that for a moment, heavy breathing and chests heaving.

“Holy fuck, I think you need to install a hot tub at your place,” you breathe out. It earns you a laugh and a hard kiss to the cheek as he pulls out of you and goes to grab your floating bathing suits.

[implydone]

Stolitz, Helluva Boss, and Genre

Moving this over from the other apps... i may come back and add more to this, but here's some thoughts i jotted down about the genre conventions and whiplash in this show.

--

a common critique or observation about Helluva Boss is its tonal dissonance, the way that the episodes shift from drama to comedy, tragedy to slapstick, etc. many fans of the show understand that this is a feature of the narrative, a purposeful thing.

i also think it ties back to the way the show, and primarily Stolitz, are tied to different genres and genre conventions. Blitz lives in an action comedy, with all the slapstick physical comedy, raunchy humor, and nonsensical gags befitting that genre.

Stolas, on the other hand, lives in tragic melodrama. High emotions, high contrast, loneliness, isolation, crying, love and yearning. Physical comedy doesn't really exist here, and any physicality is weighted seriously as befits the genre.

which also explains why most of the physical comedy and gags, whether they land for the watcher or not, are in the I.M.P. world - most often depicted on blitz and moxxie, sometimes millie (murder family with the bottle smash/chicken noise lol)

and those genres also affect how character information is given to us - for blitz, background comes in the form of flashbacks that interrupt the action. Oops and Ghostfuckers. for Stolas, they come in the form of solitary songs, often sung in a tragic, minor key.

the cool thing about the two main characters, who are also the main couple, living in different genres is that it also fits for the different worlds they've lived in. it makes a lot of sense for a prince to be in a melodrama and a ragtag business team to be in action comedy

and then the show gets to do really cool things about MIXING the genres when the two of them are together in the same space - when they get pulled into each other's worlds. ozzie's being a melodramatic episode, seeing stars being comedic

and we get to see how the characters fare being pulled in those directions, their comfort and discomfort. blitz in emotionally intense moments, stolas actually enjoying comedy and finding a home there.

full moon - blitz starts in the action comedy area of I.M.P. but then is pulled in the melodrama as he tries to find toys for him and stolas, IGNORING the action behind him. the duet being an exact example of their different genres colliding and making communication hard

Apology Tour being INTENSE emotionally, not very comedic aside from one cutaway joke (which belongs to stolas!). Ghostfuckers being a mix of heart and comedy, but largely lighthearted. the sneak attacks of horror and gore are there, too, though.

in a way, as the story of stolitz took center stage, the genres mixed more and more and colored each other's lives.

by the time we get to the end of season 2, mastermind and sinsmas, we see a blended version of the genres happening because stolitz are FINALLY in the same fucking room. mastermind is HIGH drama, BIG stakes. grand sweeping songs and gestures

and how do they both fare? well, andre is determined that things go to shit, but stolitz are on the same page even if they don't hear each other.

sinsmas is probably the BEST blend, with a mix of comedy and heart. stolas is pulled fully into blitz's world and I.M.P., and notably he gets to BE comedic more, he's even animated more goofily

AND he gets to crash out and fight! he gets unleashed and feels/expresses his feelings! the fight with andre is largely comedic and cathartic, becoming high fantasy when blitz arrives to the battle

blitz gets his grand hero moment and he brings romance into the equation, but he keeps the humor as well. the mix feels a lot more blended rather than clashing. one thing i look forward to in s3 is how their genres continue to blend as they become more and more tangled.

more could be said also about the way the show uses the "body genres" (cred. theorist Linda Williams) - comedy, horror, horniness, melodrama, all focusing on bodily responses in the viewer

in helluva, these different genres match the characters and their situations and reflected their errors in communication and why they might struggle to understand each other

and lastly, my very FAVORITE thing about this genre mixing is the way that stolitz affect each other's genres - a mirror to how they affect each other's lives. storytelling/narrative form matching the beats and characterization!

from a storytelling perspective, the genre mixing works on so many levels and i really enjoy it as another vehicle of characterization. blitz's sweet, romantic doting side being let out because stolas is with him all the time and pulling him into melodrama/romance

stolas getting to be snappy, sassy, silly, getting to crash out and have a lil violence as a treat lol, getting silly faces and smear frames and being his cute, awkward, dorky self, even getting to be outwardly, obviously sad in front of others without masking

and i'm thinking too about the ways that each of them hid parts of themselves or kept them away because they either felt they couldn't express it or it wasn't in line with their world/genre. the parts of them that couldn't find a place before finding a home now in the other.

blitz brings the lightness and freedom of comedy to stolas' world, stolas brings the heart and earnestness of melodrama to blitz's.

almost like blitz is stolas' light and stolas is blitz's heart idk

[heartfullofleeches]

What if darling orders from a different restaurant and brie coincidentally arrives right when the actual delivery person does? I feel like he'd be jealous af

Yan "Pizza Boy" + Reader

-

Who is that-

Arriving at your street, tires screech to a hault as your home rolls into view. The driver takes a second look. Then a third - knuckles white as fingers clench around the steering wheel.

A car he's never seen before sits in the little parking spot outside your house. His parking spot. Some old, beat up hatchback painted the ugliest shade of blue he'd ever seen - tape covering its left tail light and bumper held on by zip ties. By now, the delivery boy has made enough visits to your home to recognize cars of your friends and loved ones. Who is this? The flickering sign atop the rusting hunk of metal lifted some of the weight from his shoulders - only to crush him with a new fear as the other driver casual steps out of his vehicle, carrying bag strapped to his shoulder.

"Oh, hell no-"

Brie curses under his breath - pulling into your neighbor's driveway with one hand on the wheel as he reaches into the passenger seat with the other. He quickly gathers his things, kicking the driver's side door open as he goes to exit - hissing in frustration as his seat belt digs into the flesh of his neck. He unbuckles himself, shutting the door behind him with the heel of his sneaker as he races across your neighbor's yard. He slows down to carefully step over their hedges right as the other delivery person reaches your porch. Brie curses again-

"Oh my God! There's someone hiding in the back of that blue car with the dirty windows!"

The delivery person runs off back to their car. With little time to celebrate his victory, Brie marches up to your front door and rings the doorbell. You looked surprised - yet oddly happy to see him. His heart flutters.

"You?"

Brie beans from ear to ear "Yup! It's me! Got another pizza for you here. Same as the last."

"Thank you, but I already ordered from someplace else. Couldn't find anywhere nearby with alfredo sauce pizza so I had to settle for the usual."

You were looking for him?.... The place he works for that is. Brie shoves the box against your chest, biting down the scream ready to escape. "Don't worry, this one's on the house too. We're still experimenting with the recipe so it isn't available on our menu yet. I'm sure my boss will be happy to hear you enjoyed it."

"Well... Since it's free I guess it wouldn't hurt to take it off your hands. Won't have to order out for a week at this rate. Do you have a number I can reach you at?"

Multiple issues could arise from giving you his personal number - Brie was too excited to dwell on future problems when he had your attention now.

"Sure! Do you have a pen and paper?"

In the time it takes you to retrieve said items the other delivery person returns. He looks at Brie, a flicker of recognition in his eyes as he inspects his face.

"Hey... Aren't you-"

"Their boyfriend attacked a guy once."

The delivery driver looks taken aback. "What did you say?"

"I had a friend who worked at this one other pizza place. He had a black eye the last time we met. Said the person with the exact address had a scary looking boyfriend who thought he was flirting with them. He moved last we and I think I know why."

Brie's smile widen as the wobble in the other man's voice. "Hey, man... It's not cool to joke like that. If you're trying to scare me off you'll have to try harder than that."

"If that's what you want-"

Brie drops the conversation there. No point in wasting any more of his precious time - not with you standing there, pen and a small notepad in hand.

"Thank you~" Brie scribbles down his number, tearing off a page of paper beneath the one he wrote on as he hands the notepad back to you - pen still in his possession. With other matters to attend to, asking for it back was the last thing on your mind as you then turn to properly greet the other driver. Brie turns on his heels and makes his way down your driveway, checking over his shoulder as he drops the pen off the sidewalk - watching it roll by the rear bumper of the car.

"Whoops- Looks l dropped my pen."

Brie crotches down to grab the pen, eyes scanning the dented license plate as his fingers graze the pen. He picks it up, jotting down the license plate on the scrap of paper as he stands and walks off in the direction of his car.

One light broken is bad enough. He wonders how that other driver's boss would feel with all four smashed.

[once-in-a-blood-moon]

How do u think Solomon would react if MC randomly kiss attack his face?? Lets mixing it up with in front of the other characters

I feel like it could go multiple ways but I wanna know how u would think it could go

(love ur works by the way!! 💛💛🐙)

Sorry I was a little slow getting to this, but thank you, I'm glad you enjoy my writing! 💜

Okay, let's do two scenarios - one where you kiss attack him when you're alone, and one where you do it in front of the others.

In the first scenario, Solomon has you over at his dorm room for the usual lesson. Even though he always takes his time to thoroughly lesson plan beforehand, he's currently flipping through a spell book he thought he had tabbed and is growing frustrated at himself for his lack of preparedness. After all, he strives to be the pinnacle of responsibility so that you don't lose faith in him as your teacher.

You can see the the irritation in the way he aggressively turns the pages, and hear it in the mumbles of curses and sighs as he still can't find the correct spell he wanted to you to work on today. To him, this is an annoyance, and quite frankly, embarrassing. To you, it's slightly amusing and oddly endearing. You know he works hard to provide you with an education that suits your needs and learning abilities. You've watched him switch up techniques in the blink of an eye to accommodate you when the previous way doesn't work, you've heard countless praise and reassurance (even when you fail to perfect a spell), and you've never missed the twinkle of pride in his eyes as he guides you through each lesson - privileged to see you learn from your mistakes and succeed in the end.

Solomon shows you so much patience and understanding, so you decide to take the initiative and return the same. You reach out to gently grab his face, turning him from his hurried search to start furiously kissing him. With each kiss around his face, you feel the furrowed and stressed muscles loosen beneath your lips until you feel the fat of his cheeks swell and warm with laughter. It's a successful distraction from his previous frustration, and serves as a reminder that you care about him beyond his capabilities. You care about him, flaws and all.

When you finally stop and let go of his face, he gives you the most lovesick expression. He doesn't even look as he closes the now abandoned book on his desk and leans in closer to you.

"I always appreciate your kisses. How about we reschedule our lesson for tomorrow? I don't think I can focus now that I've felt your love and am in desperate need of more..."

---

In scenario two, Solomon's coming over to pick you up for an outing to a nearby cafe that recently opened. Your waiting by the door unfortunately catches the attention of the brothers who begin bombarding you with questions. You feel like you're being interrogated by the government.

"Sneaking off, are you?"

"Yeah! Where do ya think you're goin' without me?!"

"Of course you wouldn't tell me you had plans today..."

"I don't think they're sneaking off. It looks like they're waiting for someone..."

"Ooh! A lovely suitor perhaps? Who is it?"

"Isth it smone we know?"

"Beel, chew your food before speaking. ...Is it?"

You grin cheekily as you check the time. "I don't tell you guys everything."

Solomon should be here any minute to sweep you away from the chaos that's going to ensue if you let slip he's the one you're going out with. Your secrecy is not out of embarrassment to be seeing him, it's just that the brothers can be overdramatic - especially where Solomon's involved. It's best to keep your lips sealed until you return as to not spoil the night before it even starts.

Just then, there's a gentle, but firm knock at the door indicating Solomon's arrival. You move to open the door, but Lucifer steps in front of you and opens it before you can.

Oh no...

Lucifer blinks a few times having expected anyone else but Solomon to be standing there before him. There's indifference on his face, yet his eyes tell a different story.

"Hardly a 'lovely suitor'."

"I'll say! The hell do you think you are, whisking MC away like this?!"

"Solomon? You're going out with Solomon?"

"Huh, fair enough I suppose."

"OMG! Why didn't you tell me?!"

"Loo, Belphie, isth Stholomon."

"Yes, Beel, I see..."

You face palm as you hear their tirade of questions, comments, and complaints. This is exactly what you wanted to avoid.

Quickly, to shut them all up and to make an obvious statement about your feelings for Solomon, you push past the brothers crowding the door to reach him. He smiles upon seeing you, but is taken by surprise when you suddenly grab his face and attack him with multiple kisses.

The brothers go silent as they watch in envy as that blasted sorcerer gets all those nice kisses. Solomon goes redder than anyone's ever seen before as he tries to get you to stop since you are in the presence of others. Though internally he really doesn't want you to as he loves the attention and revels in the fact that the brothers get to see how much you love him.

"Hey, hey, calm down. I'm happy to see you too! But maybe we should wait to do this when it's just us?"

You begrudgingly stop, but in return, get the privilege of seeing his flustered face cupped between your hands. For not just the brothers, but for Solomon as well, your message was received loud and clear - you love him and you're proudly going out with him.

So much for keeping your lips sealed.

[diamonrot]

Goodbye

Tags: Main character deaths, angst no comfort, corpse description, suicide, Zayne x MC, Caleb x MC (background)

I’m sorry, I swear I wrote this before the main story update. I don’t mean to hurt Zayne gurlies more!

—————————————————————————————

There she was, in her coffin. Lying still, too still.

This isn’t right.

Zayne refused to sit. He stood unmoving next to his wife.

Isn’t that what he had promised her? To stay by her side eternally, no matter what?

Many people gave brief condolences to Zayne, but most seemed too intimidated to linger. The only people willing to stay by his side were his parents. In a daze, Zayne barely registered his mother holding him tightly.

“I’m so sorry sweet pea”

His father put his arm around Zayne’s shoulder and leaned his head on his son’s.

“I’m so sorry son. She looks so beautiful. I’m sure she is at peace”

He tried to believe what his father and others were saying, however, he couldn’t stop the pangs in his chest at the sight of the bruises that peaked through her makeup.

She should be here. I trained my whole life to be a doctor to save her, but I wasn’t enough. I’m sorry my beloved.

—————————————————————————————————————

Zayne remembered the night that shattered his world. The sirens were blaring, warning of a hoard of wanderers attacking Linkon. He was aware that there would be a lot of incoming patients and he needed to focus, but he couldn’t help but worry about his beloved wife out there. He knew she was capable and one of the best hunters, but he couldn’t help but agonize over her. Still, as more patients were brought in, he was too overwhelmed with work to think. Only brief seconds of rest would he see her face. He prayed to all existing gods that his love would return to him safely.

When have the gods ever been merciful to him?

Towards the end of the night, the doctor’s nerves began to calm down. Less patients were arriving and the sirens stopped ringing. However, there were whispers of a hunter facing a large wanderer. This hunter saved many, on their own. The rumor unnerved him. Yet Zayne chose to hope. There were many hunters out there, it didn’t have to be his.

She wouldn’t have sacrificed their future together right? I told her to be more careful. She listened to me this time, right?

Zayne was in the middle of finishing patching up a patient when he was paged the alert. Adult female, hunter, attacked by a wanderer, in critical condition.

Please no

Zayne ran to the surgery room. His heart racing, ice creeping up to his arms. Any moment, he felt he would freeze, but he didn’t care. His beloved needed him.

As Zayne was about to enter the surgery room, Greyson attempted to stop him and speak with him first.

She needs me

“Out of my way” Zayne snapped as he pushed Greyson aside and propelled the door open.

No, why?

There she was. The love of his life, his purpose, his beautiful wife, on the table, Lifeless, broken. Gone. Her body was covered in bruises and lacerations. Bones were sticking out of her skin, her limbs crushed.

The machines rang in monotone. Zayne could hear nothing else.

—————————————————————————————————————

As the funeral procession continued, Zayne saw many familiar faces. His wife’s hunter partner, the artist who hired her as a bodyguard, her friend who was a fruit vendor. Most of them avoided him and left him unbothered.

Though he couldn’t say the same for his former childhood friend. Caleb.

Zayne knew Caleb held intense disdain for him. It stemmed from jealousy. Everyone, including himself and Caleb, believed her “gege” would have ended up with MC. His childhood friend had the deep history and warmth with her that Zayne knew he lacked. However, his “death” pushed Zayne and MC together. When his wife mourned, it was him who held her and stayed faithfully beside her. Unfortunately, for the colonel, by the time he returned, Zayne and MC’s bond had become impenetrable. Caleb never forgave him for this.

Now with MC gone, he had expected the colonel to seek revenge. If the doctor was honest, he believed he would have deserved it. What he didn’t expect was Caleb to seem completely calm, peaceful, happy?

Caleb remained seated, with a relaxed grin on his face.

His demeanour brought a chill to Zayne’s spine.

Was he planning something in the background? Would he snap and ruin his last gift to his beloved?

At the moment, Zayne wasn’t sure, but he tried not to focus on him. This is about MC. Although he failed to protect her, he wouldn’t fail his final task to her as her husband.

—————————————————————————————————————

Although time seemed to crawl, the widow found himself at the end of her funeral. One by one, mourners made their final goodbyes and left. Until there was nobody left, except for Caleb and himself. Caleb remained in his front row seat, with the same bone chilling smile.

Zayne knew he couldn’t avoid him. He had to take accountability.

It was all his fault after all

His heart raced, but he continued to push forward. Still, as he approached, he noticed Caleb didn’t seem to acknowledge his presence. He seemed to be whispering to himself, looking at something afar.

Only when he was in front of the pilot did he see him.

“I’m sorry Caleb. I failed her.”

Zayne wanted to say more. He wanted to tell the younger man how he would do anything to fix everything, to fix her. How ashamed he was. How he realized only now that Caleb was right all along. He didn’t deserve her. But, Zayne was choked by his grief, his shame. His eyes began to well up. All he could do was shamefully put his gaze on the ground.

“I trusted her to you”

The widow looked up and saw Caleb’s smile. Others would have been fooled and believed Caleb was jovial, but not Zayne. He noticed the slight tremors of the other man’s lips.

“Not because I believed you were good enough for her, but because she did. I trusted her judgement, but I was wrong. I thought letting her go would be best for her, but I was stupid. I’m the only one to blame. I should have never let you or anyone else get their hands on her”

The calm demeanour he had previously exhibited was broken. Caleb’s eyes began to water and his brows furrowed.

“I should have been the one by her side. I would have protected her. I would have saved her. Now she’s gone, and it’s all my fault”.

For the first time since the beginning of MC’s funeral, Caleb began to cry. He cried hysterically. His body folded, his arms crossed while his hands tightly gripped his shoulders. His body shook violently.

Zayne was unsure how to comfort his former friend. Hesitantly, Zayne tried to gently put his hand on Caleb’s shoulder, but his hand was quickly slapped away.

Caleb glared, his eyes projecting the hatred and jealousy he repressed for years. Yet, the glare quickly dissipated and a deranged smile replaced it. His crazed eyes looked past Zayne.

“But It’s going to be ok, pipsqueak. I’ll do better next time. I promise”

Before Zayne could process what Caleb had said, Caleb had a gun to his own temple and a wider grin.

Bang

Ears ringing, Zayne rushed to Caleb’s slumped form, but he was too late again.

Caleb was gone too.

[the-secretary-of-baker-street]

The Love That Dare Not Speak Its Name

As aforementioned, a large component of this entire theory rests on Watson’s definitive claim that he and Holmes left London in 1895, a time when many homosexual (or any form of same-sex) couples came under scrutiny. Suddenly, two men of intimate associations who were deemed acceptable before were observed under a microscope, for signs that they may perhaps be more than merely friends.

Bachelor John Watson had always been aware of this: it was why, eight years earlier, he published A Study in Scarlet, in order to assay any rumours that he and Holmes were on a level of intimacy only reserved for husband and wife. He had invented a wife, a beard, to emphasise that doctor and detective were business partners, nothing more.

But, whereas before, clients might have overlooked the fact that two bachelors were living together without any sign one was engaged, they may have felt compelled to question these circumstances. After all, they had witnessed the rather public case and destruction of Oscar Wilde in the Wilde trials, the first being on the 26th April. Therefore, it’s no wonder that one man might decide to prey on the residents of Baker Street, no one other than the Master Blackmailer himself: Charles Augustus Milverton.

Before, I theorised that Holmes may have received a similar threat of his relationship with Watson being exposed, and I believe for certain that in 1895, this danger arose again. Whether it was Milverton both times, I am unsure, though I do feel that Holmes might have felt more under attack in 1895 due to the legitimacy of Wilde’s defamation. So, if he was to be approached by a blackmailer intimidating him now, he would recognise that he might have to take further measures than telling (or, Watson telling) the public that he is unable to love at all.

Note: the Wilde trials was borne out of Oscar Wilde claiming libel against the Marquess of Queensberry, who was unhappy with Wilde’s relationship with his son John Douglas and tried to ruin the first performance of The Importance of Being Earnest. This was unsuccessful, as the prosecution began to turn towards Wilde due to evidence against him arising. During the trials, it is often cited that the famed author and playwright was prosecuted due to sexual encounters with minors, male minors to be specific, but the actual charges were there to protect young people against predatory adults. Whether the jury were in that mindset (children must be protected from adults) or were opposing Wilde for being a homosexual is not to be debated here, but what we can recognise is the effect the trials had on homosexuality in England. Again, same-sex couples were observed under scrutiny and no longer received the same ‘pity’ they might have had in a trial. So, regardless of whether we should perceive Wilde as prejudiced for being gay, or justly apprehended for being predatorial, we understand that England was now emphasising its homophobia, which is why Holmes and Watson might have become targets by their very co-workers (Scotland Yard and the police force).

Therefore, when Wilde was prosecuted on the 25th May, Charles Augustus Milverton made a visit to Baker Street. The story that Watson told us later on, that of Lady Eva Blackwell defending her reputation, is all fabricated. Or, there may have been some truth to it, as Watson slowly becomes accustomed to stealing elements from other cases to build one somewhat coherent and more ‘entertaining’ narrative.

Milverton arrived at Baker Street, after Holmes warned Watson that he was ‘the worst man in London’, and described him with a bitterness he didn’t even show for Moriarty. What evidence Milverton had against Holmes and Watson, I can not say, unless Watson was a little too explicit in his ‘diary entries’ or one of the couple took a risk when writing a letter- perhaps the missing page that Watson references in the counterfeit Hound of the Baskervilles was indeed a real letter which had been lost. Whatever Milverton had against them, it was enough to scare Holmes and Watson. They, like so many other couples, fled London, ending up in Hampshire, where they were consulted by Violet Hunter on the case of The Copper Beeches, then they moved on to Surrey and aided another Violet, Miss Smith, in The Solitary Cyclist.

Now, although Violet was a popular name in this era, it can easily be supposed that only Miss Smith was christened so, and Miss Hunter had a different name entirely (other cases include Violets too, in particular The Illustrious Client, but more on that in a moment). In a startlingly accurate case write-up, Watson describes that the case of The Solitary Cyclist occurred on the 23rd April 1895- three days before the Wilde trials began. He writes that Holmes was busy with another case at that time, so we can suppose that Miss Violet Smith did indeed ask for help at Baker Street on that exact date, and received it when Holmes and Watson were taking a trip outside of London. Watson was accurate here as this case gave Holmes and himself a reason to leave London, and wrote it up not long after, so he knew he needed to be more precise in the dates and names. Whereas in the case of Violet Hunter, as the case occurred not long before and was written up later on, it can be supposed that Watson decided to use the same name, in another example of slight clumsiness on his part and forgetting to write down a lady’s first name.

Then, in June of that year, The Three Students case occurs, though again is not published until much later. Watson was telling the truth when he stated he and Holmes were out of London, and was rightly secretive as to the reason why. However, as he and Holmes were attempting to remain under the radar, many cases ‘happened’ upon them, rather than clients visiting them in Baker Street. So far, they felt that they had escaped Milverton’s pressure, but of course safety measures were in place.

At the start of the following year, 1896 Holmes solved the case of The Missing Three-Quarter, since they were approached by Mr Cyril Overton in Cambridge. A few other smaller cases, which we are never to hear about, may have been solved, all outside of London. Watson was not yet ready to publish any cases, concerned about drawing too much attention to themselves.

Around the end of this year, Holmes and Watson return to London, although Watson decides he should stay at a hotel for a little while. But, he is called to action when Holmes sends him a note, writing that they had a client. This is no ordinary client, however; in a case where Holmes actually does little in the way of investigation, moreso bears witness to another’s story, the detective meets The Veiled Lodger. Now, this case is particularly interesting as nearly all the events happened prior to Watson’s narrative. Instead, Mrs Ronder describes the ill-fated attempt to murder her husband.

I don’t mean to imply that Watson invented this story from his imagination. Yet, I do believe that when he tells a story and the contents within are usually connected. In The Veiled Lodger, a woman, scarred physically and mentally by her past, decides to expose her history and plans to commit suicide afterwards. In this time, Holmes, another lodger known for his elusiveness, is under threat of being exposed; perhaps Watson found this case particularly relevant. But, it may have been too on the nose for a now more inquisitive audience, so the publication was saved for later on. 

In 1897, Watson correctly dated the events of The Abbey Grange that Winter. Additionally, this was Watson’s reintroduction to the literary world after his hiatus when Holmes came back, and began to publish cases. He was beginning to comb through the backlog of previous cases, not wanting to tell the public too much of what he and Holmes were doing in the present, but referring to cases before their hiatus. So, Silver Blaze and The Reigate Squires are published. 

And here, we come to a case that has truly puzzled me, due to it being a strange instance of the entire story told by a third person: The Mazarin Stone. I debated whether I should believe this story at all, given that neither Holmes or Watson told it, and how different it is from the other cases. Perhaps it should be taken as gospel, given there is no opportunity for a biased narrator to intrude- but where did it come from at all? Again, this links back to the second halves of both A Study in Scarlet and The Valley of Fear, and the entirety of His Last Bow, all of which have mysterious and omniscient narrators. 

I have thought long and hard on what to do with these ‘problem narratives’: am I to suppose that another person picked up the pen, and decided to pick off from where Watson left off? Or was it indeed still Watson, stretching his writer’s legs and taking an opportunity to write from another perspective? If we are to believe the former, then who is this mysterious writer? I believe that this theory poses too many complications and questions to take seriously. Instead, I think that Watson, hoping to write a tale which might appear more credible, decided to ‘remove [his] own insignificant personality’ and write in the third person. The evidence I have for that can be found later on, specifically when I focus on The Valley of Fear, a story I find particularly illuminating.

At the moment, we may suppose that here, in 1897, events somewhat similar to those ascribed to The Mazarin Stone occurred.

Finally, on the 19th May 1897, Wilde was released from prison, only to immediately vacate England. Although London is not entirely free from the discriminatory claws which suffocate it, perhaps it became slightly easier to breathe for Victorian couples. Which is why, in the following year, Watson published The Veiled Lodger: Mrs Ronder did not succumb to her temptation of death, instead, she decided to live. 

[ladykailitha]

Well Met By Moonlight Part 16

We are really getting down the end here. I think I have two or three more chapters to go and then it's complete. There's a lot that happens at the end so don't know how long it will take but it's looking like chapter twenty will be the last.

So thank you to everyone who's stuck it out this long. I know there aren't many anymore but I love each and every one of you who did.

We get more clues and Wayne runs afoul an ex.

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11 Part 12 Part 13 Part 14 Part 15

~

Nancy chewed her lip as she flipped through the pages of the Hawkins Post trying to find anything that would spark her memory, but she was coming up empty. She was sure that there had been something that happened before Steve’s parents died.

“You know...” Wayne said gruffly after about an hour of them researching manticores, “you could just ask me. I’ve been around this town since it’s inception. There is very little I don’t remember.”

She let out a frustrated huff. “I just don’t remember when it was so I can’t even do that. It’s just this vague memory of there being an uproar in the pack. Which considering the upheaval this pack has had in the last twenty years, that really doesn’t narrow it down at all.”

Wayne clasped his hands over his mouth and looked at her for a moment. “You’re thinking too broadly.”

Nancy looked down at the newspaper in front of her with a frown and then back up at him.

“What do you mean?”

He laid his fists on the book in front of him and leaned forward toward her. “You’re what seventeen-eighteen?” She nodded. “It’s something you saw. Which means that it can’t be something longer than fifteen years ago as you’d be too little. But most likely it was probably closer to twelve or thirteen years ago as that’s when your core memories form. So what happened in the pack a dozen or so years ago?”

Nancy’s eyebrows furrowed deeper as she cast her mind back. She jumped up out of her chair and ran over to the side. She started scanning the correct year and pulled out another folio. She hurried back to the table where she began flipping through the pages like a woman on a mission.

She cried, “Eureka!” and turned it around so Eddie and Wayne could see.

May 23rd 1975

The Great Chicago Pack Has Announced the Banishment of One Dr. Alexei Oborin.

The former scientist had claimed that the five teenagers he found in the woods near the pack’s compound were hunters and that they attacked him first. However when other members of the pack arrived there were no signs of a struggle, only the mangled corpses of the three boys and two girls.

...

The article went on further to explain that the five teenagers who were traveling cross country were merely high school students who had wandered too close to the pack compound.

“This!” she cried when she was sure they had read enough. “It really spooked Hopper because it sounded like what had happened here, with Steve’s mom.”

Wayne nodded and looked up at Eddie who nodded too. He slid it back over to her.

“I remember that,” Wayne said, gruffly. “His mate swore up and down that Alexei was too gentle and childlike to have committed such things and that the kids must have goaded him into it.”

“What happened to the mate?” Eddie asked, jumping off the table and landed deftly on his feet, soft as a kitten. “The article didn’t say.”

Wayne shook his head. “It was never said, but most mates will willingly leave the pack to travel with the Banished One.”

“Banishment is such a big deal,” Nancy said, tapping her fingers on the table, the clack clack on her nails hitting the wood loud in the now quiet space. “It is reversible but only an alpha can do it.”

“It is,” Wayne agreed, “and it’s a shame that Steve had even threaten it to get the older members of your pack to behave.”

Nancy opened her mouth to argue but Eddie scoffed cutting her off without a word.

“You purebreds are all the same,” he muttered darkly. “Vampire, werewolf doesn’t matter. You can’t see the worth of anyone bitten. So sure that you are better than them. Steve’s half and as far as your pack is concerned it’s the wrong half. But he’s the only one standing between the pack and its annihilation at the hands of the vampire coven. And worse you have a fox in your hen house and it galls you that not only did Steve figure there was one, he figured out who it was and has been keeping him on a short leash. All without your help.”

Nancy glared at him, but he refused to blink, forcing her to look away first.

“You best see to the happenings in your pack, missy, before you go casting judgment on us.” Wayne growled. “You came in here like you owned the place, was rude to my nephew, and barked at me for offering to help. If Ed or I had been watching your moon night, we might know a hell of a lot more than we do now and I wouldn’t have to call in a favor from the last person I ever want to see again. And I know it was you that drove the final nail in the coffin of not having one of us there, so don’t you act high and mighty with me.”

She ducked her head and put her hands in her lap. She knew they were both right. It was the pack’s prejudice against vampires and outsiders as whole that had caused the incident unfold the way it did.

The key to this mystery lay in the incident with the hunters but she couldn’t figure out how.

“I’m sorry,” Nancy muttered, picking at her nail polish. “I just don’t know who to trust.”

Wayne scoffed and rolled his eyes. “Yes, you do. You just need to put away your pride to do it.”

~

Eddie and Wayne walked out of the library squinting into the blaring sun.

Eddie chewed his lip thoughtfully. “This getting out of hand, and if his female alpha is against him, the older members of his pack are against him and the younger ones putting their trust in the adults, there is a traitor in his keepers, and plus all the shit with the education system building little hunters...” he shook his head. “His only allies are us, that keeper Buckley and that’s it.”

“Steve is being harried on every side,” Wayne said in all seriousness. “And I don’t know how to protect him.”

Eddie rubbed his chin thoughtfully. “So we surround him with non-pack supes.”

“What do you mean, Ed?” Wayne asked, cocking his head to the side.

“I can’t involve Jeff, not with him being a part of the coven,” Eddie said, “but I have other friends who are supernatural beings. After all, if Steve is advocating for all supes they might be willing to protect him.”

Wayne nodded. After their time with Nancy he trusted the pack even less. There was something going on in this town that making it rot.

He clasped Eddie on the shoulder. “Go, gather your friends, I’ll meet up with you at the high school, I have my fish to fry.”

Eddie nodded and shifted, taking off in flight.

Wayne looked up at his nephew, now but black spot in the harsh daylight and shook his head. His boy had his heart in the right place, plus he didn’t want Eddie to know about who he was going to see.

~

Wayne started to relax in the setting sun and he began to unwind his protections. He pulled on his usual flannel and shoved the rest into his knapsack.

Just then a man oozed out of the shadows and smiled at him.

“I never expected to hear from you again,” the man muttered.

“Sam,” Wayne replied tersely. “I should have ripped you to pieces when I found out what you were.”

Dr. Sam Owen looked around him with a shrug and tilt of his head. “And leave this place without its staunch protector?”

Wayne growled, his fangs dropping and his eyes turning blood red.

“Don’t be like that, darling,” Sam cooed. “I told you before and I’m telling you again. That wasn’t my real wife or my real kids. I was undercover.”

“Yeah?” Wayne huffed. “That why you fucked her then? For your cover?”

Sam’s easy smile fell for the first time. “What?” His jaw was set in a hard line and gaze turned to steel.

Wayne laughed bitterly. “I could smell the stench of sex the moment I walked into that damned house. There were no other scents but yours and hers, so don’t you feed me some line.”

“I’ve heard of vampires having keen senses before but this one is new to me,” Sam said, excitement coloring his tone.

“If I didn’t need something from you,” Wayne spat, “I would fucking hit you right now. Are you really choosing to focus on my sense of smell after I just told you I knew you cheated on me?”

Sam straightened his spine. “Right, right. Sorry. That was a stupid thing to say.” He gently brought a finger under Wayne’s chin. “She was a succubus.”

Wayne’s head rocked back and away from his finger. “You telling me right now, demons exist?”

“I don’t know why that is such a surprise,” Sam said, cocking his head to the side as he regarded Wayne’s reaction with curiosity. “Fae, djinn, roc, wendigos, vampires, sirens, selkies, set animals, aqrabuamelu all exist why would demons be the exceptions?”

Wayne glared at him. “Because dragons, unicorns, actual fucking gods don’t exist, so yeah I figured heaven and hell were off the table too.”

Sam shook his head. “No, no. Demons aren’t of hell. Not in the way certain religions believe. But gumiho exist and so do incubi and succubi. The latter two smell strongly of intercourse. It’s a kind of pheromone they give off when distressed.”

“I–I didn’t know,” Wayne muttered, dropping his gaze to the floor.

He took a step toward Wayne and cupped his cheeks. “I should have sought you out after you ran off, I knew where you were, I could have come and cleared up the misunderstanding, but I didn’t. This is on me entirely. What ever you want, whatever you need. Just ask and I’ll grant it.”

Wayne looked up into the agent’s eyes. “Can you get me all the information on the banishment of Dr. Alexei Oborin?”

“Done.”

Wayne chuckled and shook his head gently out of Sam’s grasp. “You aren’t going to ask what for?”

“No,” Sam said with a smirk. “Because I know you, Wayne. You are one tough son of a bitch, but your instinct is rarely wrong. I’ve come to rely on that fact.”

“There are some pretty weird shit going down in this town, Sam,” he growled. “It’s making the air feel like just before an electric storm. Cackling with danger and the smell of ozone.”

Sam nodded. “We’ve been looking into some things since the Harrington alpha was attack. I don’t know if our two investigations are related, but I don’t see how they can be.”

“You aren’t keeping shit from me, are you Sam?” Wayne asked, cocking his head to the side.

The agent sighed. “It’s not keeping it from you if I can’t tell you what I’m working on. You know that.”

“If there is something with that boy that you aren’t telling me,” Wayne growled, “I will rip your balls off.”

“Wayne...I’m investigating. I don’t know anything yet.” Sam rubbed his face in frustration.

The vampire eyed him warily, but nodded. “I want those files as soon as you can.”

“I promise.”

Wayne walked away from Sam and then transformed, taking flight. Below the agent looked up at the winged creature and sighed.

This complicated matters.

~

Part 17 Part 18 Part 19 Part 20

Tag List: SEVENTEEN SLOTS REMAINING

1- @mira-jadeamethyst @rozzieroos @itsall-taken @redfreckledwolf @zerokrox-blog

2- @swimmingbirdrunningrock @gregre369 ​@a-little-unsteddie @chaosgremlinmunson @goodolefashionedloverboi

3- @fullpoetrybread @messrs-weasley @val-from-lawrence @carlyv @wonderland-girl143-blog

4- @bookworm0690 @littlewildflowerkitten @just-a-tiny-void @potato-of-the-lord @thelittleclare

5- @goosesister @tinyplanet95 @she-collects-smut @irregular-child @y4r3luv

6- @fairytalesreality @anaibis @papergrenade @ravenfrog @blondie1006 @dreamercec

7- @thedragonsaunt @sadisticaltarts @kultiras

[iouinotes]

Heroic Betrayal | Luke Castellan (part 1)

SPOILER FOR THE PERCY JACKSON AND THE OLYMPIANS SERIES AND THE BOOKS

pairing: Luke Castellan x female!reader

show: Percy Jackson and the Olympians

warnings: dark!character, betrayal, implied sexual content, heavy angst, kidnapping

word count: 5,8k

summary: When Luke switches to the dark side, he tries everything possible to win you for him.

a/n: so as the show comes to an end (dont cry dont cry dont cry), I thought I would finally post this :)))

read part 2 here

"I'll find you!" his voice echoes through the forest, my laughter much louder than I intend to. But that´s just how it always goes. It's our own little tradition.

Every year when the camp starts again and we meet after the holidays passed, we play hide and seek in the dangerous forest of the half-blood camp. The creatures usually don't come across our path, in recent years it has rarely happened, that we actually had to defend ourselves against them.

Once it was an angry dryad, who threw branches at me (she had a crush on Luke and wanted revenge, but since I could understand her feelings and felt sad for her, we sorted it out).

Another time we were spotted by some camp members, who made fun of us, but Luke must have said something to them later, because we haven't been bothered by these troublemakers since.

It is always the same pattern, but each time there is still something special about it. We have grown, became more mature (I think), and have more and more experience about the struggles in life.

So being able to just let go for a few moments and being completely alone with him is probably the best thing to keep myself sane (even if he drives me a little bit crazy with the love I hold for him).

But a lot has changed recently.

It all started when rumors spread, that Zeus' lightning bolt had been stolen by Poseidon's son. And then the most supportive, bravest, sassy kid in the world showed up here. Percy Jackson. Ever since I met him, even though it's not his fault, there's been war going on. The gods are angry, the monster attacks became worse and again, rumors about the oldest, most powerful titan Kronos reached the camp.

It scared and frightened many people, including me. That's why we've been training harder and stay awake, even when the stars are shining, so that we can prepare for any catastrophe. To be able to fight.

My mother is the goddess Demeter, my father a simple man. I adore them both, even though my mother isn't one of my closest contacts. But I never really held that against her, because at least she decided to acknowledge me as her daughter. After all, it's a privilege that not everyone gets. My siblings and friends at camp are important to me, but the world is changing and so is everything around it.

The only stability I have left is my boyfriend Luke.

If I had to rely on one person in the whole world (and by that I also mean the underworld), it would be him.

He's been my best friend since I arrived at this camp. We've been together through ups and downs, I know every side of him and he knows everything about me too. Many of the people here are like blank pages to me, but not him. He is like my favorite book, that lays open to me and allows me to read each letter individually. Just as I know every of his dreams, every secret, every truth and every lie. He is my protector, my hero in every dark night and every bright day. Without him, I don't even know who I am. He is a part of me and my heart wouldn't be whole without him.

I watched him grow up. From the small, thin boy whose eyes hid so much pain and sadness to the strong, soulful leader he is today.

His beauty cannot be influenced by anything, he is like my very own sun, without him I could not survive.

I wouldn't want it any other way though.

Now, I'm hiding behind a tree with my back pressed against the bark and I am able to hear the cracking and swinging of the branches.

I smile so wide, that my cheeks start to hurt, when I hear his voice calling. My heart is beating in my throat, but it's not just the adrenaline of not getting caught. It's because of my love for him, which is so strong that sometimes I'm afraid of it. But only in the moments when I realize that nothing, but him is my biggest flaw. I think I would do anything for him.

Then I concentrate again and listen to the sounds around me. But his voice has fallen silent and I don't hear his footsteps anymore.

My eyebrows furrow, confused I try to look around the tree and search for an orange t-shirt. Likely together with his slim body, biceps, beautiful face and wonderful personality.

But when I want to withdraw again, it's already too late. A branch breaks behind me and before I can move I'm pushed against the tree from behind.

I immediately feel his body against mine, hear the laughter in his voice and listen to his strained breathing. His hands wrap around my body and turn me towards him, so that we are now face to face.

He's taller than me and as I look up, I feel the familiar fluttering feeling in my chest. I am so in love with him.

He grins triumphantly at me and I lean against the tree, smiling kindly.

"Found you, princess." The light reflects in his brown eyes and some of his curls are laying wildly on his head. He looks like an angel.

"I made it easy for you." My voice teases him and when he leans in so close to me, that our lips almost touch, I forget how to think properly. A habit I can't change. He's just so captivating.

"Yeah? You think I wouldn't have found you otherwise? Funny. I remember that in the last few years, I always was the winner of our little game." His lips brush mine, I want nothing more than to kiss him. But he knows that, which is why he slowly pulls back, when I start to lean forward.

When I want to complain, he puts his hand around my waist and pulls me into his chest. My knees almost give out, I feel so intoxicated by his presence.

"I-I wanted you to find me." My voice whispers quietly.

His eyebrows rise in mock surprise.

"Then I guess, I can claim my prize without feeling bad." In the next second, his lips are on mine and I'm unable to do anything, other than kissing him back. I wrap my arms around his neck and enjoy the warmth that radiates from him. He sets my heart on fire.

While pushing me against the tree, I've completely forgotten about, he lets his hands wrap possessively around my waist. Digging his nails into my hips, to keep me grounded. Otherwise, I would probably get lost in those sensations.

Luke kisses in a way, like it's the last time he'll have the chance. (As if I would ever want to keep him from doing that).

He's passionate, my body feels like it's on fire and the heat inside me feels so good, that I want more. I can never get enough of him and he knows it. He grins against my lips, but he doesn't break the kiss. I think he secretely loves knowing how much he can mess with me, with just a few kisses.

My hands find his hair and pull him closer to me, our chests touch and his breathing mingles with mine.

It is wonderful and so precious, I would refuse any gift from the gods just to be close to him.

When he pulls away from me, our bodies are still close. My eyes open and look dreamily into his, our gazes reflect a familiarity and love that is like nothing I have ever experienced.

He smiles at me, pushes a stray strand of hair behind my ear and leans himself against me. His fingers stroke the exposed skin of my pulled-up shirt.

"I've missed you." If my heart hasn't melted before, it has now. I give him a kiss on the cheek and hug him, we stand in our embrace for a moment. Enjoying each other's closeness, the calm feeling until the next chaotic situation happens.

"Now we are together again. Only that matters." It's quiet around us and when I close my eyes for the second time, I hear his fast heartbeat. I have to supress a smile.

The wind is the only thing I hear until his voice breaks the silence.

"Something will happen soon. Something big." The peaceful atmosphere is threatened by his words and when I look at his face again, I see his worried eyes.

I sigh, but then nod to agree with him. "I thought about that too, it feels different. Like something is coming our way, that we can't control."

His fingers stroke my cheek and for a moment, his face holds an expression, that I can't understand. It resembles regret.

But before I can ask him about it, he smiles tenderly at me again.

"Nothing will separate us. The world is just a game. It's a matter of time and making the right moves." That is his motto. But I'm not always convinced of this. Even though I trust him to do the right thing.

"I'm just worried we'll get seperated, you know? Evil can be sneaky and traitors always exist. You never know who you can trust." Something I said must have really bothered him, because he looks like I just stabbed him.

This time I ask him about it.

"What's on your mind? You can tell me. Two people who worry about something are better, than one who is alone with it." I take his hand and stroke his skin, it feels cold even though we have summer.

"Nothing, just- I don't want to lose you. I couldn't be here without you. I need you. I mean...I-I love you. You know that I would do anything to keep us together, right?"

His words surprise me. I know he loves me. I can sense that, everyone probably does. But he has never worn his heart on his sleeve and the three magical words only come out of his mouth on special occasions. The fact that he's telling me now surprises me.

"Of course. I trust you. We will survive together, I know that. Are you worried because of the rumors about the Titan King?" This topic is always very critical and he usually doesn't like to talk about it, but this time I decide to address it directly.

"He will come. I just want you to be safe, when it happens." He sounds so confident it gives me goosebumps.

"Perhaps. His followers will definitely try. But love is stronger than anything else. Especially our love. We will get through it." He doesn't look convinced, so I turn his face towards mine and kiss him.

My voice sounds soft, when I speak again.

"Luke, I love you. I could never leave you. Not even the King of the Underworld will be able to keep us apart. I promised to be by your side in every moment of our lives. You are my soul and without it I am damned."

This seems to reassure him, but I feel like he's not telling me something of great importance. But I don't want to push him, I know he will tell me when the time comes.

He always does.

⚔️⚔️⚔️⚔️

As the day comes to an end, I say goodnight to my siblings and report for my night watch duty. The situation has been a lot more worse the recent weeks. Kronos exists, my worst fear was confirmed. And he is building an army, that is so strong that it will be difficult to fight against it. But what I'm really worried about are the rumors about our people, who have also joined his cause.

Nobody knows who, the spies have been hiding ever since. I've never felt like I was paying more attention to my words than I am now. The only person I don't have to hold back to is Luke.

But even with him I notice the effects of the bad news. The circles under his eyes are darker than ever and his nerves are so frayed, that every little thing makes him want to explode. His temper is hanging by a thread, that is increasingly threatening to break. And I'm trying everything to prevent this.

No matter if I try it by making him laugh (which has become difficult), massaging his tense shoulders, trying to kiss him to the point of forgetfulness (usually it's the other way around) or when he takes out his frustration by burying himself deep inside me. With every thrust of his hips, I feel him relax, his hand so tight around my body as if I would run away, if he didn't hold me close enough.

He's changing and I'm trying my best to maintain his good sides. That he doesn't completely lose himself in his responsibilities and the pressure, that he has, because he is a member of the camp council.

Besides, I can't complain, when he fucks me until I can't breathe aynmore and I block out everything around me. When he comes, he whispers the sweetest things in my ear. Even if sometimes they sound so protective, that I could almost come from his voice alone.

When he whispers to me how good I am for him or how much he loves being able to have such a power over me like that - maybe it should scare me, but I trust him like no one else.

My mind concentrated his best for my shift, but when I finally go to bed after quiet some time, my eyes quickly close.

Looking back, I wish I had never let myself sleep that night.

Because, when I close my eyes I see waves. Hear the seagulls screaming in the sky, the fish swimming in the water and the distant cries of strangers.

It's all unusual and the bright light would blind me, if I didn't avert my gaze. And as soon as I do it, I see a ship. It's huge, rust shimmers in the sunrays, the anchor shows that it's been in the same place for a while now.

I feel something pulling me towards it, pushing and burning in my chest, leaving me with a tremor that I can feel, even in my deep sleep.

As I flit through the window like a ghost, I feel paralyzed. My blood freezes, I want to disappear immediately and in my mind I scream at myself to wake up.

But it's no use, whatever is here, someone decided that I have to see it. Only then, my wish will be fulfilled and I can wake up. So, I hide in a corner, there are scratched picture frames above me and broken glass is scattered on the floor. The monsters that loudly crush the glass ahead of me seem unstoppable.

I tremble as I look at at least seven dracaenae, several shaggy hellhounds and set my eyes on gigantes, that take up almost the entire room.

But that is nothing compared to the terror, that grips me when I see my classmates. My friends. People I trusted, who I fought alongside, for who I cared about. People I would have sacrificed myself for. They all betrayed me. And I feel close to tears. When I want to turn away, I hear a voice that almost brings me to my knees.

It's Luke.

My faithful and caring protector, my heroic love. Someone, to which I had dedicated everything. He was my life, with every single breath I took. The motivation behind my every action. The reason I wanted to survive in this cruel world. He was everything I had and everything I will ever have and in that moment it was abruptly taken from me.

I didn't have the strength to concentrate, it was as if every fiber of my body was on fire, triggered by the torment of my suffering heart. Seeing him like that, in black armor, Kronos' silver mark glittering around his neck, instead of his colorful necklace. A stoic, hostile expression on his face, his hands gripping his sword, it all hurt too much to watch.

And as I sank to the floor and covered my eyes with my hands, I was still forced to listen. I couldn't understand why he was saying such things.

"With every day he becomes stronger, with every participation in our army, we become stronger. Everything is planned, the camp is weak. Just like all of its residents. The surprise is on our side, because we will show no mercy. We will kill anyone, who does not confess to us. Do you hear me? No hostages will be taken. Only Hades population will be expanded."

The screams around me are so loud, so angry and horrific that I feel tears running down my cheeks.

I don't want to see any of that. The person infront of me is not my Luke.

A kind of fog creeps around me and I feel cold, it seems too late to forget it now. When I notice the golden coffin and Lukes hunched posture, the scar on the side of his face, I realize he is praying to him.

To the fall of Olympus. Kronos.

I want to cry, to scream, to be angry - but I just feel like every part of my heart is breaking and will never be whole again. Luke will never again be the one to heal it.

My consciousness leaves the ship until I finally wake up, but I can't move at first. I feel lost, my muscles are stiff and after a few seconds I notice that I'm shaking. But it's not because I'm cold, the summer air is wafting in the air.

Such dreams are rare, but are like the own scary predictions of the future.

And then it comes all back so me, the memories, that have just turned my whole life upside down. Traitor. The word appears in my mind, I feel like I almost can't breathe. And then there is a finger on my cheek, gently stroking the skin and my chest immediately becomes warm.

I know this gesture.

When I open my eyes, I see his loving eyes and the smile that covers his mouth makes my heart clench in sorrow.

It was just a nightmare. Luke would never betray me.

But the whispers in my head say otherwise.

As we continue to look at each other in silent, I notice his furrowed eyebrows.

"What's wrong, my love? Did you have a nightmare? You look scared. Don't be afraid, I'm here. I will always protect you." His voice is so calm, so usual loving and it makes the butterflies in my stomach fly around like crazy.

He is so beautiful.

As he briefly turns his head to tighten the blanket around me, I see his side profile and the scar. Reminders of my dream crash onto me like a lightning strike from Zeus himself.

I sat up abruptly. Luke is a servant of our enemy. How could I ignore that? I feel like I'm almost starting to hyperventilate. The thought, this nightmare, Luke's appearance, this evil feeling - it makes me sick. And I'm suddenly so afraid, more than I have ever been in my life. But I can't tell if it's the fact that I just found out he joined Cronos' army or that he broke my heart doing so.

I see him tense, my panic seems to be affecting him too.

My thoughts are so confusing, I don't know what to do, I have to tell someone. I have to-

His hands find their way to my cheeks, cupping them gently to direct his gaze towards himself. I would have preferred not to look at him, but I have no choice. His eyes search mine.

Then, as if the weight of Atlas punishment was put on his shoulders, he lowers them. His lips tremble slightly and his eyes look at me, as if I am the most valuable thing in the world and he is about to lose it.

"You know it." He doesn't have to say what he means by that. We both know.

I want to break away from him, but he won't let me. He's always been much stronger.

But everything still feels so different, light surrounds us and I can't really feel my body.

"Listen to me, please. I can explain it. Please-" The world goes silent, before he can finish his sentence.

It is too much.

I stifle a scream. I want to jump out of bed, but his hands hold me close. I only manage to fall to the ground, breathing heavily, but his arms are much stronger and I'm still weakened by my dream. He trys to hold me in a position, so that his back hugs me. His hands grab mine and one of them covers my mouth to silence me, when I want to scream for help.

With any other person, I would have known what to do. With anyone but him, I could have defended myself without any problems. But it wasn't just anyone and what he had done to me, the betrayal he had committed, was nothing I could handle.

I tried to wriggle out of his grip, to kick him, but the more I cried and the more hysterical I became, the easier it was for him to have control over me.

And for the first time, it scared me.

"Please calm down, I have to explain it to you- you have to know, that I never wanted to deceive you, please-" I notice how his voice is failing and he has to pull himself together, to not to lose his composure.

When I shake his hand away and want to yell again, he grabs my neck with such a warning force, that no sound escapes me.

I tremble in his hold. Tears stream down my cheeks and I literally feel my heart breaking.

Then he starts whispering in my ear and his grip feels like a tragic prison.

"Nobody can know. I never wanted you to find out. Not until I convinced you, that it is the right thing to join him. Because he will win, sweetheart. I want us to win by his side." His voice sounds so confident and at the same time, as if he was a completely different person.

Tears continue running down my face and he slightly let's go of me, so he can comfort me.

"If you would just listen to me, you will understand my actions. Please, just listen to me-" but the world blurs infront of my eyes and I am only able to whisper three words, before darkness surrounds me.

"You betrayed me."

⚔️⚔️⚔️⚔️

When I wake up, my head hurts so much, that it takes me several minutes to open my eyes. When I finally do it, I almost have a heart attack.

I recognize the similarity of this room from my dream. When I stand up, I run to the round window and look out, being only able to see the blue sea. Feeling empty and alone.

When I want to step out the door, I expect it to be locked. But instead the handle turns and I step out of the room. I'm so surprised about that, that I'm acting without thinking twice.

As I walk around the next corner, the deck creaks and I see an ugly creature in front of me, that makes every instinct to escape kick in.

I run in the other direction, but every turn makes me more desperate and, without any consideration, I run into the hall, I was so afraid of.

It is filled with all kinds of ciders, and I also see the figures of my classmates, wounded and unhappy.

It's all so overwhelming, that I dont even see him standing on the podium, in the first place.

But as the monsters try to grab me, his voice echoes through the room with an affable authority.

"Nobody touches her. You hear me? Nobody. She is under my protection." I almost freeze into a stature, as he comes towards me and I have no way of avoiding him. No weapon is within my reach, his eyes notice my growing panic.

"Everyone leaves the room. Now." Nobody discusses it, even if some roll their eyes or quietly protest. His authority is unquestioned, it sends a cold shiver down my spine.

When the last doors slam shut, we stand a few meters opposite each other.

"The doors are guarded." It's the first thing he says.

When he tries to approach me, I lose my nerves and run to the corner with the broken glass, that I saw in my dream. I take them in my hands.

I see his eyes widen and he stops in his tracks.

"You- you want to fight me?" He actually sounds surprised and sad. Like I was the one who betrayed him and not the other way around.

"Don't come any closer. I may not have been able to do anything last time, but if you take one step closer then-" I don't know what to say. In no scenario did I ever think, I would have to threaten him.

But despite my warning, he comes towards me with his hands raised, the panic within me so palpable, that I can feel every muscle in my body.

I dodge, when he is only a few meters in front of me. Right into the next corner. As far away from him as possible.

"Princess, you can't keep me away forever. I've always loved that about you. You need me as much as you need to breathe."

It's supposed to sound sweet, but his words make me feel sick

"I'd rather suffocate." He didn't expect that. My words hit him so unexpectedly that he is almost speechless. Almost.

"I won't hurt you. You just have to let me get to you and I'll show you everything. You will understand, believe me." He really thinks, I'll just stay by his side and let him explain.

"Are you crazy? You're a traitor, Luke. You- you betrayed everyone. You betrayed me. How could you do this?" I suppress my tears, because that's exactly what he's waiting for. That my defense becomes weaker. I can't allow this.

"You dont understand. I always told you I would protect you. And I can only do that, if I'm on the winning side. And I am now. We are." His eyes flash with a craziness that makes me tremble. I don't recognize him.

"Why are you acting this way? You are doing the wrong thing - you give up everything. You're giving up on us." Tears leave my eyes and I see him take a few steps in my direction.

"I'm doing the right thing for us. You'll see. You just have to trust me, please. You know I always win. With the power he gives me, I will be invincible. You don't have to worry about one of us dying in this war anymore." I can't move, even if I wanted to, I wouldn't have a way out now. He's too close.

"You are wrong. I would rather die in this war than join this monster and his deceitful army." The shards in my hand hurt, but I don't let them go. They're the only thing I can use to defend myself.

"You would leave me?" His eyes are staring into my soul.

"Would you fight me?" Every word is more intimidating.

"Would you stop loving me?" His words are like his own shards, leaving deep wounds in my heart.

He's standing right in front of me now, looking at me like I'm fragile.

Then he whispers "Would you kill me?"

In the next second, he suddenly has my hands in his, making me drop the glass. Be is only a few centimeters away from me now, his eyes are looking into my own.

"Would you, princess? Then show me." Suddenly he does something, I would have never expected. He takes out his sword and puts it in my hands.

His own hands go behind his back, his eyes tempting me. I feel all the blood in my body drain.

"Do it. I can't live in a world, where you don't love me anymore. In which you are no longer by my side. I am yours. That will never change, just like my love for you."

I can barely hold the sword, it's so wobbly in my hands. He stands in front of me and gives me every chance to defeat him. But I can't move.

It's quiet for a moment, then I see new hope in his eyes and when he speaks again, the tone of his voice melts my heart.

"What did you say a few months ago, you would always let me win? Let's win together this time. Please, just listen to me." His hand strokes my cheek. Wipes away the tears.

Then he drops his hand and grasps his sword, letting it fall to the ground.

He takes my hand instead.

"Follow me." He pulls me behind him, closer and closer to the golden coffin, it's like I'm in a trance, but when I finally feel the cold aura of something cruel, I'm able to think clearly again.

"No-" I don't want to be one step closer to this thing.

He turns around so quickly, that I can only slap his cheek, before he grabs me again.

"That was for kidnapping me. Let me go now!" I want to avoid his grasp. But again he does something I don't expect.

He holds me still, catches my gaze and then, kisses me so gently that the feeling alone makes me almost completely defenseless. His hands cup my cheeks, grip my hair, hold my body.

This is probably his worst trick. I've never been able to resist one of his kisses. And he knows that. He uses it against me.

Then he murmurs words against my lips, that barely reach my ears.

My heart is pounding in my throat.

"You feel this? We belong together. It is not written anywhere on which side we need to be. As long as we are together." His fingers stroke my lower lip, his figure towers over me and for a moment my surroundings fade. It's almost like always.

But he's not wearing his orange t-shirt, his expression isn't relaxed, and I don't hear any insults from the camp members in the distance.

"You're manipulating me." I am powerless against him. I thought we were on the same team, that no one had more power over the other one. But I was so wrong.

His eyebrows furrow again, and when his hands try to pull me against him, I hit his chest, without thinking, with the only piece of glass I hid in my pocket. But unlike I expected, nothing happens. The shard bounces off his skin and falls loudly to the ground. I can only stare at him in disbelief.

"How-" He just looks at me worried, no anger is visible in his eyes.

"You can't hurt me. I have the curse of Achilles upon me." I suddenly become aware of the effect the lake Styx in the underworld hast and I almost fall to the ground at the realization, my knees weaken.

"That was a test earlier. You wanted to see if I would kill you-" my voice fails.

He just looks at me sadly and smiles in regret. My heart becomes heavy.

"And I knew you wouldn't hurt me on purpose. You would never hurt someone you love. Not if you'd kill me in the process." What can I do? He knows me better than anyone, he can see right through my every thought.

"I can't do this, Luke. I-I can't be together with you, if you are like this." I'm serious, but he doesn't believe me.

"That's what you think, but it's a lie. The sooner you admit it to yourself, the more pain you avoid. Our souls are linked together, without me you are not able to live. I know, that you will continue to love me, no matter what I decide to do. That's how much you love me. You would rather die than not loving me."

I can't listen to him. I can't.

But his eyes are like all the promises in the world. He is my world. How could I ever forget that?

"Please come back with me, Luke. I-I won't tell anyone, but please. Let's go, let's forget everything, please-" I cant deal with this anymore. It's like he's draining all the energy out of me. More with every word, that leaves his lips.

"I can not do that. It will stay the way it is now. Don't fight against me, fight with me. You are so smart and loyal, you will be convinced. He will show you." His eyes now flash with something that frightens me. I see his hunger for power, something that has always been dormant within him.

"Luke, the only thing I ever really wanted was you. No power, no war, no prosperity. Only you. But I'm about to lose you. Don´t do this to me, I beg you." My hands find his face, stroke the skin and I look into his eyes. But they are no longer the same ones I fell in love with.

I never thought he would love having power more than he loves me. It breaks my heart.

"I have decided. Nothing will change about that. Not even your pleadings. I'm sorry." His eyes reflect my desperation.

"What's holding you back? All you need is me." He says it so confident, that I almost wonder, why I don´t agree with him.

But my conscience has always been my greatest strength.

"I won't betray them. I couldn't live with myself, if I did." He takes a step back.

"But you could live without me? You would rather be by Jackson's side than mine?" His words hurt me. But he speaks the truth.

"I love you Luke, more than I ever thought was possible. But just as you put power before me, I put loyalty first. And I'm not sorry about that."

Frustration finally seeps through his perfect facade. I wonder how long he's been playing with me. The thought of it makes everything inside me tighten.

"I am not letting you go. Our fate is set. You will recognize it too and when that happens, you will be on my side."

His conviction frightens me, but this time it doesn't freeze me into a statue. Now, I'm running away.

And luckely, he didn't expect that.

For a few minutes now I've noticed one of the windows, that doesn't look very stable. I just have to jump against it to open it.

"NO!" Luke's voice echoes across the room, loud and warning, but it doesn't stop me. Before he can catch up with me, I jump towards the window, my shoulder hurts, but I was right, it breaks.

But I didn't think about the height difference and I realize it might be too late to do something about it now.

As I try to hold on to the wall outside, two thoughts repeat in my mind.

Either I die or I'm trapped.

Then I hear Luke's voice. He sounds desperate and at the same time angry, like I have never heard him before.

The wall is slippery and it takes every bit of strength in me not to fall, I know it would be my death. I hold on to the broken wall.

"She is outside. Get her back, NOW!" My muscles hurt and I don't know what to do. Then I hear the loud beating of wings. Before I can see who it is, I hear Percy's quiet voice. I feel like crying.

"Drop down, I've got you." I have to trust him. So, I let myself fall without thinking.

Then I feel myself landing on something soft, I hold on to it and my knuckles turn white.

The screams and shouts of the monsters make me tremble, I just want to get out of here. Even if it means, that I perhaps will never see Luke again.

"Come on, now. They'll be here soon." As the wings of the Pegasus move towards the sky, towards freedom, I let the tears fall. The wind is beating around my ears and I can only see in the corner of my eyes that we are getting closer to the clouds.

"I'll find you!"

Luke's threatening voice is the last thing I remember as I close my eyes from the grief of leaving him.

[callmewrinkles3]

When Emma Falls in Love - DR3 x Fem!OC

Summary: Christmas involves the same thing every year for Em. A week in Liverpool, formal clothing, and returning to her apartment to shower and have a bottle of wine to forget how bad it was. But this year she's spending it in Australia with Dan and his family. No big deal.

Words: 11.4k

Warnings: Mentions of past bad relationships, mentions of cheating, mentions of toxic family relationships. Panic attacks, worry, mentions of sex (but nothing explicit) and mentions of sex toys.

AN: HEEEEEEEYYYYYYYY remember us? First things first - apologies for how long this took. The plan was Christmas, but life has been ridiculous and too busy and we just apologise. Thank you for still being here and enjoying reading more about Em and Dan!

December 2018

When she was growing up, Em never kept a diary. She was the odd one out for many reasons in primary school, that was just one of them. She was too afraid of her mother finding it when “cleaning”, reading what was on her mind and telling her to stop. She hadn’t started it as a kid, and it didn’t begin when she was an adult either. But if she did have one, the first words on the page for December 22, 2018, would have been "I think I'm in love with Dan." And to say "I think" would have been a blatant lie because she knew.

She knew that night in the bar for his birthday that she was going to fall for him. She knew in Philadelphia as she sang that she only bought that dress for him to take off. She knew in Austin when he kissed her in front of another woman.

That morning in July when she woke up from one of the greatest nights of sleep in her life with Dan’s arms around her and his snoring lulling her back to sleep like white noise. Every single time he let Blake out of their shared taxi first and circled the block to come into hers when he got back from travelling. The way he never arrived home without a bouquet of flowers because she’d once said she never thought she could buy herself some. But that afternoon in Perth she couldn’t hide from the realisation anymore.

She’d been working in the early afternoon after she made lunch for the two of them and Isaac, coming out to find her boys napping on the couch. The plan had been for them to watch a film while they waited for her but toddlers were not known for their patience. She couldn’t blame Isaac for sleeping, and once Dan got comfy he could nod off anywhere.

The two of them had been up early that morning picking Isaac up for a day out and a sleepover to let Michelle finish getting ready for Christmas. Once they made it back to the farm it was running around and playing at the pool with a stop for lunch. Em had prepped sandwiches for their lunch before disappearing to work for a few hours so she didn’t fall even further behind. And now they were fast asleep, blond curls against Dan’s off season stubble.

The craving to curl up on the couch and cuddle into them was overwhelming. There was nothing else she wanted at that moment, just hug them and kiss Dan and stay there forever. But she couldn’t.

Yes, she was Auntie Emmy to Isaac - a fact he’d announced to them that morning running to greet her with chubby cheeks and “ANNIE EMMYYYYYYYY” - but Auntie Emmy was Uncle Dan’s friend. And nothing else.

She was just his friend. Even though she was the only one sleeping in his bed, even when he was basically living in her crappy flat in London. Even when it was her name he groaned out when they were together as he pulled her close. And that was why she couldn’t admit it to him. Admitting it to herself felt nearly too much.

It hurt. Oh it ached. But it was better to hurt a little bit and enjoy getting to have Danny in the way that so many people didn’t know Daniel Ricciardo, than say how she felt and break the spell. She could suck it up and bury her feelings and stay by his side as his best friend. If she didn’t say it out loud then it wasn’t real and if it wasn’t real then it couldn’t hurt her badly.

And she couldn’t tell him. She couldn’t see his face fall, couldn’t hear “we said we were just friends, nothing more.”. Couldn’t bear to have to leave people who for the first time in her life seemed to actually like her because she’d ruined it. So she’d stay quiet and get to have Christmas with people who seemed to want her there. She’d enjoy summer in December and have those weeks. Especially if it meant she got time with Isaac.

Em had fallen in love with him the first time she met him in real life in Abu Dhabi, and the feeling was mutual. She could count how many times she’d seen him in person on both hands, but he was as crazy about her as she was about him. His cheeky smile warmed up her heart. The way he ran to give her a hug after the first time they met was one of her favourite things in the world. How he reached out to her so she would hold him during the insanity of that first weekend. But it was the way that he was so much like Dan that made her heart grow ten sizes.

Physically they didn’t look alike apart from those curls they’d all inherited from Grace, but their personalities were identical. Dan joked it was why Isaac liked spending so much time with her, but she smiled and brushed it off. For her own sanity she couldn’t let that get into her head. She couldn’t do it. Not when whatever they were had an expiration date and she didn’t know how long it would last.

All of that combined meant she couldn’t resist watching them for an extra couple of moments, enjoying how relaxed they were snoozing together. She took a photo of them with her phone to secure the memory forever. She wasn’t sure what caused him to stir, if it was the small noise from the camera or if it was her moving, but Dan opened his eyes slowly and focused on her. A smile began to go across his face.

“Wanna join us? We can stay like this for a while.”

She desperately wanted to say yes. She wanted to lie down next to Dan and fall asleep with his arm around her. But she shouldn’t and she couldn’t. Anything that wasn’t at least platonic seeming had to stay just them. Sure Dan had put an arm around her shoulder or waist with his parents, but not with Isaac. She didn’t want that with him. He was too small and she didn’t want to confuse him with acting like a couple when they weren’t. If she couldn’t explain what was happening to herself then she couldn’t to him.

“I’m gonna get a start on dinner,” Em whispered, blurting out the first excuse she could think of. “Is pasta ok?”

The moment the words left her lips, she made her one fatal mistake. Kissing the top of Dan's head and then Isaac's cheek. It was supposed to be the briefest moment, a peck and then go to the kitchen. But the moment she leaned down to kiss Isaac's head his litttle hand reached out for her, not letting go. He didn't say anything, just grumbled and rubbed his head against Dan's chest before settling back down.

"I think you have to stay for a while. C'mon." He shifted slightly to let her slip beside them, settling down. "I know what you're thinking. It's fine."

"Danny-"

"I promise. It's fine." She should have stood straight up and headed out. Before she could even think about moving away Isaac woke up enough to smile at her, moving across to have half his body over Em, half on Dan. Then she was definitely not going anywhere, not when his tiny hand clung to her shirt to hold her there.

"I always knew he'd be a heartbreaker and steal someone's girl at some point in his life. I just never imagined it'd be mine."

"He's got that Ricciardo grin and those curls, what can I say?" Dan chuckled lowly at her words, his chest shaking as he held it back.

"That's not fair, I saw you first."

"I'm not some toy, you don't need to fight him over me."

"I mean if I need to I will." It was Em's turn to keep her laughter down, swallowing it so she didn't wake the sleeping toddler.

"No, it's fine. You don't need to."

"Just had to be sure."

She really didn't mean to fall asleep. She shouldn't have, she wanted to just stay for five minutes before carefully moving Isaac across and standing up to do something. But having Dan's chest as a pillow and Isaac as a tiny weighted blanket didn't help her. Dan smelled like the shower gel they were using and home, Isaac's baby shampoo mixing and making her feel peaceful and dozing off easily.

When she opened her eyes she thought she'd find her fast asleep boys, but instead they were wide awake. The youngest was staring at the film he hadn't finished, the oldest looking straight down at her when Em looked up.

How was she not supposed to fall in love with him? That broad smile and big eyes and how was she supposed to keep it platonic when he looked at her like she hung the moon and stars every single day. He called her his moon once and the compliment made her blush for a week. It was impossible to not fall in love with him, and that was the moment she admitted it. The way he stole tiny kisses while Isaac was distracted. She was gone.

They stayed like that for the afternoon, what was supposed to be a homemade meal turning into driving out for pizza for the three of them. Isaac stayed on her hip until they got him into a highchair, laughing and enjoying his food. She felt at home and happy and was so glad she was there.

It was why she said yes when he asked her what she was doing for Christmas and if she wanted to come to Australia with him. She missed him when he had a double header abroad, she couldn't imagine spending six weeks apart when he went home for Christmas. They could have done it and would have been fine. They'd done it before, but that was before feelings and sex and friends with benefits was added to the mix they had going on.

Em missed him back when they just texted and had a couple of calls, so she had to say yes. But it was terrifying to get on that plane with Dan to go to Perth. It took a call from Grace insisting she wanted Em there and everyone was looking forward to seeing her to make Em feel like it was ok.

Once she made the decision to go to Australia to spend weeks there with Dan it wasn't too scary, but the fact that she was introduced to Dan's world was. Especially now that she was slowly admitting that she'd fallen in love with him. Since the start Em had tried to deny it to herself, insist that it wasn't true. That she had no feelings for him apart from friendship and being proud of him.

But that was like saying the sun wasn't going to come out the next day. On those days where Em wasn't sure about it herself, he made her sure. If she didn't know better she'd think that was his own personal mission to make her fall in love with him. There were texts, calls, facetimes when he probably didn't have time. A text telling her to open the door because she had a delivery. How could she not fall for him?

The easiest way to fall in love with him was what he did every single trip home. She'd leave a sandwich in the fridge before she went to bed, and he came back to her tiny apartment. He had his own one that he could be in, he could go back to somewhere comfy and warm rather than her tiny one bed where the heating rarely worked. But he stayed with her. He took over doing things to make her life better, buying new sheets that were more expensive than she'd ever pay because they were softer and calling the landlord to make him fix the heating after he came back from Brazil and the apartment was freezing.

She couldn't help falling deeper and deeper in love with him when he slid into bed and wrapped his arms around her, whispering how happy he was to be back home. He could have been comfortable and warm in his apartment but instead he was there with her. The chill in the air was ignored as they pulled whatever clothes were on off, Dan marking her body as his. Week after week that was exactly what happened in beds around the world as she travelled to the US and Abu Dhabi to watch him race. She was starting to believe that maybe they did belong together as night after night they got into the same bed, whispering sweet nothings and bringing each other pleasure before curling up to sleep.

It's what happened at the farm when they were alone. Officially Em had a guest room to herself, but Dan's room became theirs. She spent so much of her days stepping outside of her comfort zone, it was exhausting and made her stomach ball up, but being with him was easy. Waking up with his arms around her was perfect. Getting into bed with him every night felt normal. It was terrifying and normal and brilliant. It was easy for her once she got over her worries, especially after that day with Isaac on the couch. His tiny hand over her chest became the reminder that what she thought would be a bad day wasn't so bad. It's part of why she wished Isaac could have been there the night she met Dan's friends.

She knew what coming to Australia when Dan went home for the winter break involved. And when she was invited she didn't even think about it, just went for it. She knew she was going to be introduced to his favourite places in his hometown, spending most of their nights out on the farm, getting to be around his family, and some nights out with his home friends to meet them. She could excuse herself once or twice from nights out because she was never a big fan of it, but she could let the social butterfly she was accompanying go out to hang out with people. He didn't get to see his friends for most of the year, she was more than happy to stay home with her huge to read list on her kindle or a good movie.

But Dan wanted her there. He wanted to spend time with her and his friends and have them all together, and she couldn't say no to those big brown eyes. Spending time with his family was easy, she knew most of them and those she didn't know at least knew of him. But the bigger issue was when she met his friends.

It was supposed to be easy. A get together with his mates so they could catch up and everyone who lived in Perth could finally meet the famous Em. There was just one problem.

Em wasn't good with people.

It wasn't that people didn't like her, it wasn't even that she didn't like people, it was that whenever she was around people she got tired quickly and couldn't deal with them for too long. Dan was one of the rare people she didn't hate being around for more than a few minutes. He'd promised it wouldn't be anything fancy or crazy, that she didn't need to stress about it, but she still worried.

She liked to think that it would have been different if they met somewhere else. In a bar or club where she could have made an excuse to go outside for a few minutes, be somewhere neutral. But meeting at the farm was somehow worse. Dan had told her to stay by his side and she did, but she felt like she was being a bother. He told her that she didn't need to do anything, she was a guest too, but her mother's words kept going around in her head. She should be helpful, she should be useful, she should be this that and the other. If she didn't help at gatherings then what use was she? Sitting next to Dan cutting tomatoes and onions for the burgers wasn't enough.

She shouldn't feel like she was suffocating when she was with his friends. They all seemed lovely, the guys who'd known Dan since he was a kid and told her stories about what he got up to in school, girlfriends who were genuinely sweet asking her about England and her work. But it felt like it was too much. The flickering light from the firepit and the music playing and the voices made her brain go a million miles an hour, all she wanted was to get out of there. Curl up and bed and read a book. She stood there smiling and she couldn't even lean against Dan because they were supposed to be just friends. They were friends. It's how he introduced her. Em, his friend from England. Not Emmy, that was only for him, but Em.

Nobody there had any idea that as soon as the parties and dinners were over he snuck into her bed. That when he got back from being all around the world he came to her home. She was just Em and she had no idea what she was doing there. She didn't know what they were but just friends didn't cut it anymore, and even being outside on the farm it felt like she couldn't get a deep breath into her lungs. The air slowly left her body and she could barely get it in.

She wouldn't forgive herself if she ruined Dan's night. He was so happy there, tanned and grinning as he talked to people. Em decided another beer to replace her empty one and a deep breath in the kitchen would help. Just two minutes away from the crowd. She went in, grabbed two bottles from the fridge and took a few deep breaths to calm herself down. She could do it. She'd be fine and she'd get through the rest of this night. She could do it.

"Thought you were into blondes, mate," it was clear as a bell even through the noise, a dagger hitting into Em's chest. Did she seem like just a girl?

"Shut up, it's not like that." She knew they were just friends. But hearing it like that was different. It was the straw that broke the camel's back and she didn't remember the last time she wanted to cry that badly. She wanted the ground to open up beneath her and just swallow her whole so she can hide but she wasn’t lucky enough. She blinked back tears, ignoring the knot growing in her stomach and the anxiety seeping into every pore. Em’s heart raced and she could hear the whooshing sound in her eardrums. Why was she there? The questions bubbled through her brain but that was the loudest. Why did Dan invite her there? Why was she there? Why did he want her to be in Perth?

Em couldn’t stay there anymore. If she stayed out with everyone she’d break down and start crying and the last thing Dan needed was her dramatics. She didn’t want to ruin the reunion and the good time he was having. So she took a deep breath, had a sip of her beer, and pretended she heard nothing. She just needed to keep it together for long enough so Dan didn’t suspect anything. She could smile and nod as if she didn’t care about what his mates said.

All she needed to do was pretend that she was fine, and then she could run back inside and be alone. She felt terrible just thinking about it. She couldn't do one fucking thing right and be a normal person for one night and have a normal night. It just made her feel awful for Dan because he had done everything to make her comfortable. Not just that night, but he'd changed his home so she felt at home. He insisted he was in charge of the burgers so that he could make one that was cooked the way she enjoyed it - a squirt of ketchup, one slice of cheese, wrapped in two napkins so her fingers didn't get greasy. He got her a Coke Zero or a lemon San Pellegrino so she had options when she didn't want a beer. There were even some of her favourite songs on his playlist for that night, Paramore playing out over the group. He did every single thing right. But she was ruining it all.

Em tried hiding how she was feeling but it was useless. The second she was back at Dan's side he knew something was wrong. The question was quiet, asking if she was ok, but her nod was too fast and she could tell that he didn't quite believe her. Dan's brown eyes stayed on her as she tipped the rest of her bottle back.

"Mind if I head to bed?" She was proud of how even her voice sounded.

"You sure you're ok? What's up?"

"I'm fine, just jetlagged and tired still. I'll be fine."

"See you in a lil bit?" She didn't answer him, making excuses and quick comments so she didn't start crying around new to her people. It was saying how lovely it was to meet them and saying they'd get coffee or meet before she went back to England. She was so polite and correct she almost sounded like her mother and it made her want to vomit. A final quick squeeze on Dan's shoulder and she was gone.

As soon as she was in the house she just had to do a quick trip to the bathroom, change her clothes, and go into bed. But she couldn’t go into the room she'd been sleeping in. That was Dan's bedroom and she couldn't switch the light on or people would see. So in the fading light of dusk she grabbed her pjs, the book she'd been reading, and the bottle of water she kept on her nightstand. From there she went to the guest room that was supposed to be her room. Dan had mentioned it'd be her room in Abu Dhabi, just across from his. That first night he'd insisted she didn't have to sleep there if she didn't want to and they'd ended up in his bedroom and Em didn't want to leave. But now she had to be in her own room. It'd be fine.

The last thing she wanted anyone to see was her crying. Somehow she got the door of the guest room closed without letting out a sob, panic growing in her chest. Stupid, stupid, stupid. She shouldn't be crying. She had no reason to cry. She knew what she was doing.

Her back slid against the door as she ended up on the ground. Her sobs turned to gasps as she struggled to get a deep breath, thoughts burning her head. She wanted to be curled up in the bed that she'd spent the last week sleeping in. She wanted Dan's arm around her, wanted to sit on his lap and sip from his beer bottle. Wanted to forget that the night had even happened. That the man who'd been sharing her bed for the last six months preferred blondes. That the man who she'd been falling in love with might not feel the same way, and they'd agreed they were just friends and said that they weren't going to break the rules and love each other but she had. She wanted her brain to shut up with the "why the fuck does he sleep with me then" that was filling her mind with doubts.

But more than all of that she wished she was brave enough to leave. Pack her bag and go to the airport and fly back to London. Because Dan deserved so much better than anything she could offer. He deserved a beautiful blonde woman who didn't freak out during a party and could afford to rent an apartment with working heating and didn't run away to hide and cry because she couldn't cope. Of course he wouldn't pick her.

But she could barely move. Somehow she managed to stand up once she'd caught her breath, pulling on her tshirt and leggings to sleep in. From there she made it to the bed, lying and pulling up the blanket to try cocoon herself as her tears kept falling. All she wanted was for Dan to magically appear and hold her to stop her chest from feeling so tight. A hug from Dan was magical, it'd make the pressure go away in no time. But he was with his friends and she didn't blame him. She was his friend. They were just friends and she had absolutely no right to be upset about it, but it hurt.

She wasn't planning on getting a lot of sleep that night. The awful feeling in her chest wasn't getting any better, her heart was still racing, and her head ached thanks to crying so much. Finally the tears stopped and she turned onto her side in the too big bed.

A knock on the door made her close her eyes and force her breathing to even out. She didn't want Dan to see her like that. She couldn't explain what she was feeling, she couldn't start rambling about it because then she'd have to admit how she felt and that wasn't going to happen. She couldn't admit that she'd broken every rule they'd come up with and fallen in love with him. She couldn't lose him. She couldn't lose his friendship and what they had so she had to stay quiet.

"Emmy? You awake?" Em should have known he wouldn't leave even if she didn't answer, listening as he padded around to her side of the bed and knelt down, his thumb brushing the still damp skin on her cheek.

**

The second Emmy squeezed his shoulder as she said she was still jetlagged and going to bed, Dan knew something was wrong. She hadn't been ok since she got back from the kitchen with their drinks, but watching her nod and fake smile as she went back inside felt so wrong. And then he stared at their room, waiting for a light to go on and the curtains to close. But nothing happened and it felt even worse.

He knew she wasn't a fan of big parties, his friends were more like him than her and were loud but she'd been ok. He made sure she was stuck to his side for the evening, she smiled when he handed her a perfectly wrapped burger made just the way she liked them. Dan knew it wasn't easy for her, she'd told him that she found big groups hard to deal with. She was the dictionary definition of an introvert who preferred to sit with a book in silence rather than be surrounded by loud people. But she was fine.

He'd asked a couple of times, not wanting to annoy her by constantly thinking something was wrong. He'd offered if she wanted to go inside and hide out for a while he'd make excuses but she insisted she was fine. Emmy ate her burger and snacked on some chips while chatting with his mates. He heard her laugh and one of the lads made a comment about how Dan kept staring at her. He was happy.

And Em was fine until she'd leaned over to offer to get him another beer when she was getting hers. He knew she heard what Mark said, his quip about blondes. The shut up didn't go fast enough and she'd been close enough to hear. She came back looking like someone had punched her in the stomach, big eyes sad even under her fake smile. There was nothing Dan could do to make her feel better.

What he wanted to do was pull her onto his lap, arms around her waist as they shared a drink. He'd tell her that yeah he'd slept with blondes before, dated some as well, but he was hers. He was so fucking crazy about her it was insane. Dan was absolutely in love with her, and terrified to say it because she could do so much better than him. They'd promised they'd stay friends, falling in love wasn't on the list.

But he couldn't even describe how much he loved her. He loved her long brown hair, the way it fell down her shoulders and back. He loved standing behind her and brushing it out to apologise for the mess he'd made it by wrapping it around his hand and pulling her hair the way that made her groan in all the right ways, using it as an excuse to kiss along her neck. He loved the way she smiled at him. How she made jokes and laughed at them herself. How she wrapped her arms around him and welcomed him home. The carefully covered sandwich that waited for him.

He didn't want any blondes. He wanted his gorgeous, brunette Wrinkles, and just maybe in the future if he was lucky enough he'd get to have gorgeous little babies with her hair and eyes and personality. He'd never, ever wanted that until now. And then it felt like she was slipping through his fingers with one evening.

She finished her beer, excused herself saying something about jetlag, was sweet and polite and so un-Emmy it hurt, and whispered to him that she was going to bed. The going to bed wasn't a surprised, she was still jetlagged and had been tired before they even got to Australia. She was the first to head to bed every night anyway. But the way she did it worried him.

Even around his family she kissed his head before she left the room to go to bed. It was what they did when there was people around and they couldn't actually kiss because of the comments. She'd move his curls from his forehead and give him a quick kiss there or on his cheek, or if he was sitting she'd kiss the top of his head. When they were alone he'd go to bed with her, but if he was staying up she'd peck his lips and wait for him in bed.

There was none of that. Instead she gave him a tiny, sad smile and squeezed his shoulder. Like they were just friends. Like she didn't share his bed every night. It was like a knife in his back, a kick in the stomach. That was enough to tell him that something was very, very wrong. He didn't expect a kiss, but he never thought that would be it.

It was all his fault, and the second he realised their bedroom light wasn't going on he knew it. She was nothing like his friends, his life was so different to hers, but he wanted his people to love her. He needed them to. He was so used to the way their lives were intertwined that he didn't think. He was so excited to be home and happy to see his friends and introduce them to her that he made the wrong choice. He should have had it at some neutral place, brought her to a bar to meet everyone. The way he'd done it when she met his family, how it was easier because it was a new place for them all. But he took the party to her one safe place in a foreign country and that wasn't fair on her.

It wasn't how he imagined the night ending. All he wanted to do was hold her. That was his plan for the night. Get into bed, hug his girl, steal some kisses, and call it a night. He wasn't even thinking about sex that night, just curling up with Em. He knew she'd be too tired to do anything and he'd probably have too many beers to make it good for her. So he wasn't even going to try to make a move. He'd hold her, sleep drooling into his pillow, and not have the alarm on so he could have a chill morning with her. Dan was too used to going to bed holding his Emmy, falling asleep with her in his arms and her hand against his chest. And then she was gone and he had the biggest hole in his chest knowing he'd ruined it all.

Dan had no idea what to do. He couldn’t kick his friends off the farm telling them his girl wasn’t ok and needed him. Firstly Em wasn’t his girl, not to them. He’d said over and over that they were friends and she was visiting. Nobody truly believed him, but it was the official story. He couldn’t make them leave but his brain was screaming that he needed to go to Em right then. Something was wrong and he needed to fix it. He needed to make sure she was ok. But all he could do was wait and yawn.

"You alright, DR?” One of the guys asked him.

“Yeah, just exhausted. Nightmare of a season if I’m honest. Looking forward to next year! Maybe I’m getting too old now I’m turning 30?” It was a half joke that got a laugh from the assembled guests. Fortunately they took it for what it was and started making their excuses to leave. An hour later he watched the last people leave as he waved. Once those lights were gone from the driveway he ran back to the house as quickly as he could get in.

His heart broke as he opened the bedroom door to find the empty room in complete darkness. When he switched the light on it was even worse, Em’s belongings still there. Her pillow, the blanket she loved, her Snorlax plushie he’d brought her back from Japan, even her Kindle. Only her water bottle and the book she was reading were gone.

It was a punch in the gut to realise the only other room she could be in was his least used guest room. The fact that Emmy thought she needed to stay in another room felt wrong. His room was their room. He’d made sure to decorate it to be similar to their room in London, parcels arriving to the farm the week before they arrived. The fairy lights, the purple curtains, the scented candles, the extra soft sheets and bed linen to make her smile. It was all for them. It was to make Emmy happy and feel like she was at home because in the back of his head there was a hope that it could be their home in the future. Dan had thought it was working, but now it felt like it was falling apart.

It took a few seconds for Dan to get the courage together to knock on the spare room door. He was scared Emmy would tell him to leave, would tell him to go away. But instead there was silence. He knocked again but the same lack of answer was the response so he decided to go in.

The room was in absolute darkness apart from the faint moonlight coming through the window. It was enough that Dan could make out Em resting on the bed, blankets up to her chin. All Dan wanted to do was get into bed with her, to spoon against her and hold her close, but he knew she wouldn’t like that. So instead he walked around to her side and knelt in front of her, stroking a lock of hair falling over her cheek. He didn’t know if she was in the mood for hugs, didn’t know if she wanted anyone, so he didn’t want to do too much. He saw how her eyes were closed and could feel her damp skin under his thumb. Em’s breathing was too even, she wasn’t really asleep.

“Emmy? I know you’re awake Baby girl.” It took a moment for her eyes to open as she looked up at him.

“I was tryna sleep.”

“I know. But why aren’t you in bed?”

“I am.” Her words were short. “This is a bed.”

“It’s not our bed, Beautiful.” She was at least looking at him, but something still wasn’t right. “C’mon back to bed.”

“I’m fine, D. Go on, it’s fine.”

“It’s not fine. You’ve been crying.” She looked like she was about to start crying again, Dan holding her hand and running his thumb along the back of it.

“I’m fine, Dan. I’m fine. I’m just tired, it’s been a long day. Go to bed.”

“Not without you.” He watched as her gaze softened slightly and he just wanted to kiss her to make her smile. “Can I like down here with you and give you a hug?”

“You don’t have to, Dan. We can just go to sleep.”

“But I want to. If you want me to.”

“…That’d be nice.” It took a few seconds for Em to respond and Dan was terrified she’d say no. He’d accept it, but he wouldn’t like it. He got in behind her, pulling Em against his chest. Her whole body was tense as he turned her around so they were in their usual sleeping position. She began to relax as his hand rubbed her back, Em’s head finally resting against his chest.

“You know, Snorlax is all alone in the other room. And our bed is way comfier than this one.” He kept his hand moving as she tensed up again, looking into Dan’s eyes.

“I’m too tired to move.”

“Nobody said you have to move. Trust me?” There was a nod and he pulled her over to the other side of the bed before stepping out. It was easy to pick her up and carry her out to their room, carefully depositing her back in their bed before he got in beside her. “See? Back where we belong and without you needing to move a single one of your cute toes. And back with your fluffy friend.”

It was quiet between them for a few moments, something Dan mostly expected. Whenever Em got like this she always went quiet while she thought. Finally he heard her bare whisper.

“I’m sorry I ruined your night.”

“You have absolutely nothing to be sorry for. You didn’t ruin anything, you never could. I’m sorry I invited everyone around and had them all invading your space. I shouldn’t have.”

“Dan.” She leaned up and kissed his jaw to make him smile. “It’s your house and your friends, of course you should have. It’s fine.”

“No it’s not. I should have done it differently, we should have gone somewhere else. And believe me when I tell you that you can’t ruin anything. Even if you tried to ruin something you couldn’t.”

“You’re too nice to me.” The hollow way she said it broke a little part of Dan’s heart.

“Emmy I promise. Everyone should be nice to you because you deserve it. You deserve happiness and goodness. And a whole lot of cuddles.”

“Will you cuddle me?” He couldn’t help but hold her even closer at her request.

Dan had no idea which lucky star was looking out for them but it felt like there was a whole constellation instead of just one star. He knew Em wouldn’t do it but he was ready for her to kick him out of the room. Instead he was so damn lucky that he got to hold her while she dozed asleep. He didn’t have the guts to try to explain the comment she’d overheard, he wasn’t going to push his luck, but at least he got to hold her. They could keep going from there.

—

Em couldn’t remember when she actually fell asleep. She was positive that she wouldn’t sleep at all that night, but Dan’s arms around her and his heartbeat under her ear was the best sleeping pill to ever exist. She didn’t know how he did it but he always managed to make her drift off. Even on the worst nights when her brain wouldn’t shut up he did it.

She woke up too early, the sun barely rising and illuminating the room through the blinds. She shot awake at the realisation that Dan wasn’t against her back anymore. At some point in the night she moved from Dan spooning her to her turning around and cuddling into him like she always did. Her face was buried against Dan’s chest, his arms holding her tight, and their legs tangled between each other. She raised her head slightly, Dan grumbling at her moving, and kissed his chest before going back to sleep with him.

The next time she woke up it was full morning. The sun was coming in through slits in the blinds and felt completely opposite to her emotions. She was so exhausted. Em had cried herself to exhaustion, her anxiety and nerves filling her. All she wanted to do was curl up in bed with her book and preferably with Dan cuddling her. But she was so tired she barely even noticed Dan kissing her shoulder and gently leaving her in bed. He was probably just going to the bathroom before coming back to the warmth and cuddle her.

She must have dozed off, she had no idea how long he was gone for, but she woke up to kisses on her cheek and the scratch of his off season stubble against her skin. The smile on her face was automatic. Waking up that way was one of her favourite things in the world, kisses from the man she was falling for were the best feeling and she wouldn’t change it for anything in the universe.Without even thinking Em hugged him back, almost forgetting the words from the evening before. After a horrible night all she needed was Danny. Em just wanted her human weighted blanket over her.

“I made breakfast,” Dan whispered, lips still glued to her skin. “I’ve got your coffee and toast and that jam you like. Figured you wouldn’t want to get up so it’s here whenever you want it.::

“Huh? You didn’t have to do that.” She looked up at him with disbelieving wide eyes. How could he get up to make breakfast and bring it into her after everything that happened? He did it more often than not when they were in England, but she didn’t think he’d do it that morning.

“You always say that, and I always say I do it because I wanna. Are we gonna have this conversation again?”

“No, not really. Thanks for doing it anyway.” She caught him in a kiss but as she went to move he didn’t let her.

“Don’t thank me. Especially considering it’s gonna get cold cause I’m too comfy to move.”

“Dan…”

“Five minutes.”

Like every morning when Dan asked for five minutes in bed with her, those five turned into ten, then fifteen, and then she lost count. It started with kisses against Em’s neck and her hands running along his shoulders and back. But it ended with their clothes somewhere on the floor, fingers laced and moaning each other’s name. Coffee could be reheated, toast could be eaten cold or remade. But none of it mattered when Dan was inside her, whispering how good she felt and how she was the best girl, giving her another reminder that it was still them. Inside the walls of their bedroom it was always going to be them. If that was all she was going to get, it was going to have to be enough. Dan’s groans and gasps helped silence Em’s ghosts for a little while so she took advantage.

The rest of the day involved Dan looking after her while they had a lazy day. A few small excuses, a rescheduled afternoon with his family blamed on hangovers, and they decided to either stay in the bed or on the couch and do nothing. Dan insisted it was payback for the mess of the night before. Em didn’t particularly care about his reasons as long as she was by his side.

It was how they spent their days in Perth, mostly glued to each others sides except for if Dan was going to Michael to start working on a training plan or see his friends. She started to get used to being a part of his life in Australia. Dan made sure that none of the events were at the farm, always at a restaurant or bar unless it was just his family. Every single time they went anywhere Dan whispered in her ear before they went in that she was the one in charge. Say a word and they’d be on the way home. She was trying to fit into his life just like he was trying to keep her safe, and Em couldn’t thank him enough for it.

She was starting to get used to Perth, relaxing more as she spent more time there. But as Christmas got closer she lost her chill. Two days before Christmas she went through the clothes she’d brought with her and none of them were good enough for an event. She had no idea what a Ricciardo Christmas involved, but none of her outfits were right. She had some cute summer dresses, but they were normal everyday things. She’d wear them to the beach or to lunch or maybe even to dinner with Dan’s friends, but not for a proper day. There was nothing formal like what she’d wear to her family’s Christmas dinners that met her mother’s approval.

Em knew Dan would say she looked good in anything she wore, but she was terrified. All she wanted was for them to like her. The idea that Dan’s family might not like her was scary, and she needed to make sure that she was perfect. She couldn’t ruin it over clothing. Em had hidden most of the anxiety she had around being good enough for them but that night it was too much. Her stomach was in knots and she kept fidgeting in bed. The same page was read over and over, but she had no idea what it said. She pretended it was fine until Dan kissed her cheek, pulling her book from her hands as she jumped.

“Emmy what’s wrong?”

“Huh?” She shook her head and looked over at him.

“You haven’t turned the page in like fifteen minutes, you jumped when I kissed your cheek, and your feet keep moving. You’re overthinking. So talk to me, what’s going on?”

“What if they don’t like me? I didn’t bring anything proper to wear because you kept saying it was hot and I don’t look proper. I should have brought something proper with me.”

“If who doesn’t like you?” The concern in his voice made her want to melt.

“Your family, Dan.”

“Emmy…Baby you know they lo-like you already. Mum’s the one who invited you. Isaac absolutely loves you and is obsessed with you, ‘Chelle made a joke that you’re gonna have to have him on your lap when we’re eating. You can wear any of the dresses you’ve been wearing. You look phenomenal in them. I’m gonna wear shorts so you’ll be fine. What’s this about?” Her head spun. Shorts? At Christmas? No no no. What?

“Huh? Not a suit? Or at least trousers and a shirt? You’re wearing shorts?”

“I’m not wearing a fucking suit, it’s summer. It’s way too warm to do that.”

“Oh.”

“We can head out tomorrow, find a new dress for you if you want. But if you want my opinion you should wear that little red one you have, it’s cute. You look good in all your summer dresses, but red is kinda Christmassy, right?”

“But it’s a summer one?”

“And it’s probably gonna be like thirty. What’s wrong with that?”

Her head was filled with the reminder of the year before, of her mother’s glare at the heels Em made herself wear because if she didn’t she’d barely be allowed into the party. But they were only Primark so they weren’t good enough. And she didn’t have many presents for Dan’s family and

“Emmy. What’s up? Talk to me.”

“It’s stupid. But if I didn’t have changes for the different parts of Christmas Day and if I wasn’t wearing a formal dress and heels and men weren’t in suits then it wasn’t acceptable. Plus I only have little presents not proper gifts, I don’t know what to do.”

“Calm down. It’s ok. All you need to do is turn up as yourself, that’s it. We’re having a barbecue and hanging out by the pool cause it’s way too hot for anything else, I promise. We’ll be in swimwear most of the time.”

The next morning Em was still half convinced she should try to have something proper to wear, but Dan convinced her there was no need. If she wanted to go shopping he’d drive her in and help her choose, but she didn’t have to. She didn’t need to do it so his family would like her, they’d like her anyway. Instead it was a morning of soft kisses on the couch to convince her but Em agreed to wear the red dress Dan liked so much. It had a shallow v neck, was knee length, and the fabric had a white floral pattern. Dan insisted it looked wonderful with the soft tan she’d picked up since they got into the country. Pairing it with black slip on sandals meant she’d be ok. She’d look fine.

Which led her to the freak out of how could she appear at Joe and Grace’s home to stay a few nights without bringing anything as a thank you? She couldn’t do that. So they stood in the Cole’s checkout queue for far too long on the 23rd as Dan watched her pick out her baking ingredients. By that evening there was a berry tart and a three layer chocolate cake packaged up in the fridge awaiting delivery with them. It was entirely stress baking, even Dan knew it. But he didn’t make any comments. Instead he sat on the kitchen counter and watched, stealing strawberries and taste testing her concoctions.

Christmas Eve morning arrived and Em wasn’t as nervous as she thought she’d be. The full day of Dan talking to her about how it was going to be alright and everyone was looking forward to see her had helped. There were still nerves, but she was going to spend a couple of nights with people who wanted her there, wear cute clothes, and she had host presents to give as a thanks for being invited. Really she couldn’t wait.

Plus Dan had made it his personal job to make sure that she was completely relaxed that moaning. It started with slow morning sex, Em waking up to kisses along her shoulder and wandering hands. After that a shower for the two of them and waffles with her leftover berries for breakfast really helped, Em fully relaxed. She double checked that the presents were all perfectly wrapped and packed to go, and after lunch she decided to finally start getting ready for heading over.

Dan was sitting on the side of the bed switching between watching her put makeup on and fiddling with his phone. She knew she wanted to look mostly natural but she put a red lip on to go with her dress. She was put together and ready to go. She could do this. It was going to be good. As soon as she opened her lipstick up Dan spoke.

“You know red’s a risky colour when you consider I’m definitely stealing kisses under the mistletoe.”

“The package says it’s kiss proof. You’ll be fine stealing a peck.”

“Ah my sweet, innocent Emmy. You thinkI’m gonna steal just one little peck?” He grinned and kissed her briefly but filthily, tongue slipping between her lips as Em kissed him back.

“That’s the last one, your entire family will be around.”

“And?”

“And that means your family and kids. So no.”

“We’ll find somewhere, you’re not gonna make me go a full day without a kiss.” He pursed his lips at her but Em ignored them, focusing on making sure her liner was perfect and her lipstick matched it.

“You know you’re ridiculous, right?” It was supposed to be a joke, but he got the look on his face that she knew meant he’d done something.

“Talking about ridiculous, actually-“

“Daniel what did you do?” He went to his side of the wardrobe, pulling out a red glittery box from behind some bedsheets.

“Before you say anything, I did nothing. It was all Santa. Not me.” He handed Em the box and she looked up at him carefully. They’d agreed that he wasn’t getting her a present this year because he’d paid for her flights to Austin and Perth. She never wanted him to ever think that she was friends with him because of his money. None of it mattered to her.

“Dan we said.”

“I know. But it was Santa. And he couldn’t give this to you in front of everyone so it had to be now.”

“What have you done?”

She opened the box he’d handed her carefully, lifting the lid and pulling back two layers of tissue paper to reveal the gifts. The main one was some of the most beautiful lingerie she’d ever seen in her life. It was sage green and lacy, the fabric soft against her finger. The corset wasn’t a proper one, not boned but she knew it’d look amazing. A pair of stockings at the bottom of the box made her realise how perfect it would be.

“It’s nothing. I just wanted—“

“Oh this is pretty. This is really, really pretty.” She lifted the underwear out to let the lace catch the light, admiring the design through it.

“You like it??” Dan sounded nervous.

“I really like it. I mean, I could wear it Boxing Day when we get b…what’s this?” As she moved tissue paper a smaller box she hadn’t realised was there hit off her fingers. Em picked it up and looked at the sleek silver lettering. For her pleasure. When she opened the box there was a light lavender vibrator in the black box. A charging cable was neatly beside it along with a dust bag.

“Look if you don’t wanna use it, it’s fine. If you want to pretend that you never saw it and throw it away, that’s completely fine. But we were talking and you said you’d never tried one, so I thought why not? It could be an option for you.”

Em’s cheeks were on fire as she realised that Dan was doing it for her. She’d barely made it through the awkward conversation when he’d asked her what she liked in bed. It was impossible to explain how bad her sex life had been before him. She’d never thought it was, but the way he acted when she said it was ok for him to not worry about her orgasms had soon taught her the opposite. She still remembered the way Gregory looked at her when she said she wasn’t enjoying their sex life. Now she knew he’d been with Millie that entire time when he insisted she was enjoying herself.

She forced herself out of her thoughts, staring at Dan. He looked worried and she forced a smile. His face relaxed when he realised she was ok.

“Will you use it with me?” She felt like her body was about to rip apart from shakes and nerves as she got the words out but Dan’s grin made it worth it.

“Absolutely. We can do it right now.”

“We have to go to your parents, so when we get back. And thank you. But Dan you didn’t have to. I don’t need presents, you paid for my flights. That was enough.”

“I mean I think it’s technically more for us than just you, so it’s fine. Right?” She grinned at him and leaned against his shoulder for a moment before getting up.

“Get dressed or you’ll be late.” Em started to fix her makeup as Dan looked at her.

“Can I watch you get dressed first?”

“No touching, but you can.”

“You’re killing me here, woman!” It hurt to not just sit in his lap and kiss him but they were already starting to be late. She couldn’t be late for a visit that involved staying over.

As a little nod to his request, Em slicked on a light pink lipstick instead of the red one she planned on wearing before putting on her red dress. The no touching rule was ignored the second she moved past Dan. Instead he squeezed her butt and kissed her neck before going to get changed. As promised he was casual, one of his party shirts, a pair of shorts, and Vans. Effortlessly handsome as normal and Em was jealous of how good his slightly longer curls and stubble looked.

If she was honest to herself all she wanted to do was take her dress off, get rid of the stupidly expensive shirt he was wearing and spend the day kissing him. Ask him to use the new toy sitting in the box. But they couldn’t. They needed to get going. When they were about to head out the door Dan decided to steal a kiss. It was supposed to be just one final one, but it turned into two. Then three. Then Em was pinned against the wall, hands running through Dan’s hair as his hands gripped her hips and waist. She pushed her lips to wherever she could reach, kissing up the bridge of his nose and along his cheeks.

Em would never admit it in a month of Sundays to him, but it was the right decision to not wear the red lipstick. Her whole face would be red. They needed to go. Get in the car and leave, but he was addictive. It was one of the things she adored about him and sometimes hated, how hard he was to leave behind. Every time they said it was the last one there was just one more.

She knew they wouldn’t be able to do this for another two days. The plan was to stay with Grace and Joe for Christmas Eve and Day, so they could be around all the family for the festivities before coming back on Boxing Day. Which meant no touching or kissing, and she couldn’t say no to the last make out session for 48 whole hours. She giggled at Dan’s expression as he moved away, Em using her thumb to clean the sheen of lipstick from his lip.

The one thing she didn’t expect was Dan grabbing her hand when they walked to his truck, and holding it again in between shifting gears while he was driving. It had never been a thing for them until they arrived in Perth. They’d been grocery shopping and picking up last minute presents in a crowded supermarket, everyone out to prepare for the season. Out of the blue there were fingers linking hers, Dan holding her hand while they walked through the aisles. His fingers interlaced with hers until they got to the checkout, and then went back as they walked back to the truck.

Grabbing someone’s hand for a moment in a crowded place was fine. Friends did that in busy places so they didn’t lose each other, especially when one of them was new to a place. You don’t lace your fingers with them. And Em couldn’t bring herself to let it go while she tried to ignore the size difference or how good it felt.

She really did try not to think about it, but it was impossible while his thumb rubbed lazy circles against her skin. He was soft and warm and his long fingers were one of her favourite things in the world. Sitting in the car then she could admit it to herself, she loved him. She loved the way he made her feel about herself almost as much as she loved him. And then the playlist flipped over and a grin spread across her face while she heard the opening fiddle strains of Our Song.

Em didn’t even need to say anything. All she did was look over as Dan was intently staring at the road with a grin on his face to know he did it deliberately. He’d learned pretty early on that a surefire way to cheer her up was to put Taylor on. Em could still never thank him enough for that night in Philadelphia when they’d gotten to see Our Song live without the band. It had been magical. Dan started to sing along with his exaggerated accent to make her giggle. There was nobody else for her, all she could focus on was being happy. The nerves, the worry faded away as she sung with hi, and collapsed into giggles when they finished. Em sang it looking over at him, watching how he grinned and shimmied in his seat as they drove the road back to the city instead of staying out at the countryside. All she wanted was to kiss him silly and start her Christmas Day sharing a bed with him. It’d still be worth it, but it was weird.

She may not have gotten a Christmas Eve kiss from her favourite member of the family, but Isaac wouldn’t let her go and kept kissing her cheek. He insisted on sitting next to her at dinner, Dan on Em’s other side. Dan casually ran his hand along her thigh under the table cloth as they all ate. She joked and laughed along with everyone, getting Isaac to eat his veggies thanks to the joy of stealing from Auntie Emmy’s plate and not even realising what was happening.

The best part about the meal was nobody judged her for her plate of food. Everyone else was eating the Feast of the Seven Fishes, plates piled with seafood that she didn’t particularly enjoy. Instead Grace had handed her a plain one, with pasta and sauce and cheese. She smiled when she got it, getting a “enjoy”.

There was no pressure on Em to try new things. The serving platters were spread on the table for people to take what they liked. If she wanted something and it looked good to her she could have it. If she liked it, great. If not Dan was happy to eat off her plate. Once they started talking and sharing drinks she couldn’t remember why she was so nervous. She knew the Ricciardo’s. She’d spent days with them, relaxing and watching Dan race. This was just another dinner like the ones they’d had before, except here they had a celebration as an excuse.

When dessert came around Grace brought out Em’s cake and tart, placing them in the centre of the table.

“Em made these, so I’m saving the pav for tomorrow. I hadn’t put it together and these are fresh!” Grace announced as she handed out bowls, Joe cutting into the cake first and showing the layers. It was congratulations and compliments towards Em, Isaac grinning as he ate his tart. It felt strange to get complimented for what she’d done by people. Usually she stayed quiet and in the background because she didn’t want to speak too loudly.

Even with the worry that someone would ask questions Em could feel herself relaxing beside Dan. He had his arm resting on the back of her chair, hugging around her shoulders like it was nothing. She wanted to move away but she couldn’t, Isaac on her lap before she lifted him and carried him into the living room for Christmas Eve presents. They settled in on the sofa, Isaac waking up a bit more and looking around.

Em wasn’t expecting anything. They’d welcomed her into their home, offered her somewhere to stay and it was more than she thought. But as stockings were handed out Joe offered one over to her.

“Everyone gets a stocking. We guessed on the pjs, apologies if they’re too big.” She smiled as she opened it, Isaac handed back to Michelle so Em could open it. Inside was new shorts pjs with red and black checkers, shampoo and conditioner, and a mixture of sweets. There was also a new notebook and a smooth writing pen. She couldn’t believe it. It was presents chosen specifically for her. The tiny little gold E in the bottom right corner of the notebook cover proved that for her. It was the middle of summer, she was in Australia for Christmas, and there was a group of people together who genuinely liked each other and somehow liked her. It didn’t feel real.

As midnight hit it was hugs and congratulations, everyone heading towards their rooms as they were shooed away with the promise that Santa was on his way so everyone had to go to bed. For the first time in far too long she didn’t have to suppress a shudder as someone who wasn’t Dan hugged her, smiling at Grace and Joe and returning the hug. Michelle and her husband got a one armed one that she gave willingly. It felt magical. And it wasn’t weird that the biggest hug was from Dan. She wouldn’t kiss him in front of everyone, but once everyone was going to bed he followed her into the guest room she was staying in.

“Two hands or the hug doesn’t count, right?” Em asked as he pulled her into a hug. His head leaned against hers and Em pushed her head into the spot where his neck and shoulder met. Alone she was able to run her hands along his warm back, pulling him close as Dan nodded and squeezed her waist. “That’s my huggy boy.”

As he hugged she didn’t want to let go, holding onto him in the privacy. Dan pushed kisses to the top of her head and her shoulder as much as he could. Em was just glad to have him there. He made things easier for her. She’d come with him and been so nervous but it was easy with him. Terrifying, but easy. She looked up at him and saw the smile, reaching up on her toes to kiss him.

The smile on Dan’s face as he realised what was going on and what she was doing would sustain Em forever. He was contagiously happy as they kissed, and Em was so close to telling him everything. But for the first time in years she was going to have a good Christmas and she couldn’t say no. She couldn’t ruin that on herself. So she held onto him as he kissed the top of her head and pretended everything was fine. She could do it.

“You need to go back,” Em whispered, afraid of breaking the spell between them.

“Can I stay here?”

“You need to go. What if your parents find out?”

“It’ll be fine. I’ll go back to my room early in the morning. Please?” She couldn’t resist him and he knew that.

“Fine.” It was one more kiss before she went to get her pjs on. They were curled up in bed and Em heard him barely whisper.

“Merry Christmas, Emmy.”

“Merry Christmas, Dimples. Thanks for inviting me tonight,” she murmured before pushing a kiss to his shoulder and cuddling in to sleep.

“Any time, Wrinkles. It’s gonna be the first of many.”

-

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[queenmuzz]

Five Stages of Grief: Chapter V

Acceptance

Read it HERE on Ao3

He splashes some water on his face and checks himself in the mirror. He ought to shave, or at least trim his beard, but there isn’t that much time. In an hour or two, everyone will be up, and he needs to be gone by then.

It’s better this way he thinks as he changes into one of his robes, I can’t give them the chance to talk me out of this. They need Rook back as much as he does, and if it goes the way he theorizes, he can’t risk getting any of them caught up. Lucanis is needed for his god killing skills. Neve is needed when they inevitably mount a counter attack on her own city. Taash is needed for killing Elgar’nan’s archdemon. Harding is needed to help strategize and keep everyone on the same page. Rook is needed by everyone for her courage, her tenacity, her devotion.

And him?

What use is he without Rook? At this moment, not much. Best he can say is that he’s crafted a tool that will get her out of the fade, if he’s lucky. And if he gets sucked into the Fade in her place? That is good enough for him. A cowardly man who is terrified of the very thing he’s fascinated by, it will be a fitting end.

No, such thoughts did not become him, he tells himself. Wallowing in self-pity is not what she would want him to do.

He reviews his mental checklist. He’s gotten his affairs in order. The dagger is in his possession, safely hidden under his robe. His letter to Zea has been carefully written, and sealed in red wax, the imprint of the skull brooch to match her letter.

Speaking of which, he must address the only obstacle to his plans.

“Manfred!” he calls and the creak and clatter of bones signals the arrival of his ‘son’ as Rook had announced that blessed day. He wishes he hadn’t come to think of Manfred like that, if only to make this less painful.

“I’m planning to head to the Memorial Gardens.”

The skeleton’s eyes rotate in surprise and excitement, no doubt because neither of them have made their regular trek to that place in over three weeks, and Manfred so loves to travel there.

“Unfortunately I must insist you stay here.” And Manfreds jaw drops with a confused hiss.

“ WHY ”

“Because I need you to be here when Rook returns.” It’s not a lie, per se, Rook will be returning, with or without him, and it has the desired effect. The idea that Manfred’s beloved ‘ROOK !’s impending return is enough to get him excited enough to not ask questions of why exactly he cannot accompany Emmrich to rescue her. He happily accepts the brooch that Emmrich pins on his lapel, and promises to give it to Rook when she returns.

“You will keep her safe, my boy?” Emmrich asks, as he pats Manfred’s head and there’s a clattering as he nods profusely. It’s a comfort really, knowing that the spirit adores Zea as much as he does, and she adores him.. It makes what he plans to do a bit easier.

“Well, I must be off.” He grabs his staff and begins to head out.

He’s almost at the threshold when Manfred starts showing his first inkling that perhaps he’s not as naive as Emmrich assumed.

“WHY NOT EMMRICH GIVE HER BROOCH BACK?”

His mouth is dry as he attempts to come up with plausible lie excuse. “Because she was the one that gave it to you, it would be only right for you to return it yourself.” The skeleton thinks it over, its jaw clacking for a few agonizing moments, before he seems to agree that that is a perfectly acceptable answer. He gives a wave, allowing Emmrich to let out a sigh of relief, as he slips out of his room.

The Lighthouse courtyard is completely deserted in the odd twilight the permanent eclipse has cast on it, and he’s thankful that it gives him the cover he needs to sneak out like a thief. He takes one last look at its amazing beauty, the reason that he’s found the Fade so entrancing, how it's familiar and yet unfamiliar to the real world, everchanging, and yet staying the same, both at the same time.

But alas, just like an idea, his stay at the Lighthouse has probably come to an end far too soon, and he slips out, using the Eluvians to get to the Necropolis.

He doesn’t seem to notice someone is watching his departure with concern.

——————

His parent’s graves need tending. It’s been three weeks, and while the Mourn Watchers do all they can, recent events have made maintenance of the gardens low on their priorities. He’d never forgive himself if he left them neglected. Besides, he ought to talk to them, ask them to look after Zea and Manfred, seeing that they are daughter in law and grandson in all but name.

He plucks a few weeds that have grown between the pathstones that lead to their memorial, and cleans up the moss that always seems to be attracted to their gravestones. He places a hastily assembled bouquet at their steps, hoping that they wouldn’t mind his deviation from the norm of a carefully selected variety of flowers.

“I apologise that it’s been a while,” he speaks, trying to keep his voice his calm and steady, “Things have been quite hectic, you see, with ancient elvish gods, the ripping down of the veil, oh, and the Blight, complete with multiple Archdemons. Can’t forget that.” Despite that depressing description, he smiles, a feeling rather unnatural after these past few weeks, but it's genuine. “The strangest thing is, this is quite the happiest I’ve been in quite a long time. You see, that woman introduced you to, Zea…” he thinks back as she gave a small curtsey to the graves, was so respectful to them, as she was to even the smallest of wisps, “she’s helped me quite a lot in the far too short a time I’ve known her. She’s helped me immensely in confronting my deepest fears, has given me something to strive for, instead of cowering in the dark, trying to forestall something that claims us all in the end.” His eyesight gets a bit blurry, and pulls out a handkerchief to wipe his eyes before he continues, “You would love her. She’s kind, brave, and selfless. Willing to give herself to others, and asking nothing in return, even though she deserves everything. Willing to give her heart to a man who doesn’t deserve it.”

He takes a breath, and continues rambling, “She deserves so much more. She’s young, has the entire world ahead of her once this is over. A life of happiness and peace. I… intend to give her that, with all of my being. I trust you will understand in time why I must do this. Why I need to save her, no matter the cost? You know what’s strange,” he chuckles, and the sound coming out of his throat sounds foreign to him, it being so long since he’s felt humour, “The past forty years, I’ve been terrified of what lies beyond this life, to where you are. I’ve sought to forestall it, to remove myself from it. I’ve been so focused on how to avoid death, that I’ve never quite learned how to live. So despite my own fears…” he stands up straight, “I’ve found someone that is both worth living and now, dying for.”

He closes his eyes, trying to think of how to ask them to look after Zea and Manfred, when he hears the most peculiar sound, for a graveyard: Clapping.

He twirls around quickly, and comes face to face with the last person he’d ever expect in such a place.

“Taash…?”

“Nice speech. I can see why Rook likes you so much. You got a way with words.”

Which is of course the moment he’s at a loss for them.

“Why did you… How did you… Who?”

“Professor,” Harding appears from around one of the mausoleums, trying to control her heaving breath from chasing after the much longer legged Taash, “We couldn’t let you just go off to do something like this on your own!”

“Indeed,” the familiar clink of metal on stone signals the approach of Neve, always looking her finest. “We’d lose one of the finest minds in all of Thedas.”

“And for once Spite and I and the rest of this group are in agreement.” There’s a flap of wings, as Lucanis lands.

“LOST TOO MUCH. NO MORE.”

Emmrich is flabbergasted. And touched. And perplexed, not necessarily in that order.

“How did you know?”

Taash rolls their eyes, as if the answer is obvious. “I woke up from a dead sleep when a certain SOMEONE banged on my door telling me he’s worried about his dad. Telling me he thinks he left him behind to do something dangerous. I got really pissed off.” There’s soft apologetic hiss, as Manfred creeps up, somewhat embarrassed that he’s been revealed as the ‘traitor’. “Not mad at you buddy. Just mad at your dad.” Taash clarifies.

“Manfred!” Emmrich is shocked, but his voice carries no malice. He should have known a curiosity spirit would take such drastic action, that it would want to know exactly what was going on.

“Looks like you’re stuck with us.” Taash continues, looking around the place. “Smells… nicer than I thought it would. I can see why she might be here.”

“All of you…” he grouses, “are the most aggravating, the most exasperating, the most…” he sniffles and wipes his eyes again, “loyal friends I have ever had the pleasure to know. I honestly do not deserve it…”

“Perhaps,” Neve seems to agree, but her eyes say otherwise. “But Rook deserves you.”

It’s a strange feeling, he thinks. Zea loved him, perhaps still loves him after everything, and now he realizes that he’s never been truly alone. It’s hard to accept, after years of assuming that aside from Manfred, he’d always live a solitary life..

“Let’s get her back.” Taash cracks her knuckles, and the others nod, looking at him. He agrees There’s no more waiting, it’s time to finish this. He pulls out the dagger, and senses in which direction the veil is the thinnest.

There’s a few tense minutes where he does nothing but concentrate. Here, the veil is thin, where spirits travel freely back and forth, like dust motes on unseen currents, they float along… but there’s a presence here, solid and struggling to get past this barrier that even a wisp could get past. He closes his eyes, focusing on it, trying to discern its form. There’s something to it, an emotion of desperation, of regret, of hope.

“There!” He yells and points the dagger at an area near the gravesite, but farther down the path. Instinctively he raises his hand, keeping time with his words, his heartbeat. It’s just a variation of a summoning spell, used to attract a wisp. Except she is no mere wisp.

“From beyond, we beseech you to come forth, to grace us with your presence!”

His heart thrums in his chest as nothing happens.

One heartbeat…

Two heartbeats

Three heartbeats

Four heartbeats

It’s on the fifth one, that small spark leaps off the tip of the blade, and zaps towards where it was pointing. There’s no sound, but it looks like the air becomes a ripe grape being split open, its green flesh sending a gentle glow that excites the nearby wisps.

“SMELL ROOK.” Spite states, and that gives Emmrich hope. Not ‘Smells LIKE Rook’ like at the well at the Crossroads. This sounds more certain, and not some spirit feeding off his desperation to see her again. And yet, nothing appears in the veil tear. No spirit, no person, nothing.

Then, there’s a small voice, distant and warped coming from within the tear, but he could recognize it anywhere.

“Goodbye Varric… and thank you.”

He’s confused. He’s never met Varric, the dwarf had died long before he had joined her. But he has no time to contemplate that as the tear is becoming unstable, and still she does not appear, Emmrich decides he MUST take the initiative. Ignoring the danger he’s putting himself in, he sticks an arm into the tear.

Another heartbeat of nothing. And then he feels it, a hand. He knows that hand so intimately, every callus, every ridge. It grips hard, so hard that he can feel his bones squeak in protest.

“I’ve got her!”

He sticks another arm in to get a better hold, and immediately there is another hand gripping it, every finger clinging on to his wrist, including the shortened pinky. And yet, no matter how much he pulls, he doesn’t seem to make any progress. In fact, he seems to be pulled into the Fade, like being submerged while trying to rescue a drowning man.

She seems to sense that as well, and he feels her muscles slacken and her fingers begin to loosen, as if to let him go, to not drag him in with her. But he refuses. No. He will not let go of her, not even if he’s trapped in there with her for all of eternity.

“Zea, dearest! Don’t.. don’t you dare let go!” He all but begs, not sure if she can hear. Still, he slides even further, and he’s so close to being enveloped by the Fade, he can smell the dust and rocks, the regret and loneliness the place exudes. But, he still holds on, accepting whatever fate has in store for him, as long as it's by her side.

“OH NO YOU DON’T!” A voice booms out from behind him, and strong arms wrap around his chest like a hug, causing his slow forward progress to halt, momentarily. He barely hears Taash’s voice ordering through gritted teeth the others to help over the sound of the blood pumping through his system.

Harding appears on his left, gripping on the only part of his forearm that still isn’t swallowed by the Fade and tugs, pulling up a paving stone with her titan powers to use as a footstopper. Manfred mirrors the action on Emmrich’s right side, and hisses with all his might as he helps pull. Neve immediately follows suit, positioning herself behind Manfred and clinging to his upper arm, lodging her prosthetic in a crack as she provides support. And finally, Lucanis is there on his left, muttering Antivan curse words as he helps pull. Emmrich is surrounded literally by all his closest companions, all desperate for one thing, and yet… it is not enough. She remains stuck. Either their combined strength will eventually wear out, or the already unstable tear will close. Already, its edges are becoming blurry, less defined.

And then, he feels two sensations.

A sharp tug on his lower robe, like a dog that has yanked on a favourite and well loved toy. Except, the bite doesn’t feel like it’s made by teeth, more of like a … beak?

Then there is a pair of hands on his shoulders. He feels them, the metal gauntlets, he swears he can hear the sound of plate armour grinding against metal. But when he risks a glance to the left, there is nothing there, only Lucanis, his eyes aglow.

“ THEY SEND THEIR HELP” he says through gritted teeth, and Emmrich knows that it is now or never.

“On the count of three, we all pull.”

“One…” Darling, hold on for just a bit longer!

“Two…” Please, my love… we’ve got you…

“Three!” Whatever it takes

There’s the sound of hissing, grunting, growling and he swears he hears a ‘Squawk’ mixed in, as they put their everything into this single action.

There’s no sound that accompanies what happens next. He thought there should be a SNAP, or a POP from the way the tension suddenly dissipates, as if Fate has finally thrown up her hands and just went ‘Fine, you win. Enjoy your prize.’ Because one moment, all of them are straining at the very limits of their endurance, the next, they’re all thrown backwards by their own stored momentum, with various sounds of discomfort. The tear in the veil snaps shut a few moments later.

Emmrich gets thrown the furthest, and he lands with an undignified yelp, combined with a wheezy ‘oof’ as something heavy lands on him.

It takes him a moment to truly understand what it is, but he feels a heartbeat echoing his, even under a layer of leather and chainmail. The smell of Tearstone island, of blight and blood, fills his nostrils as his vision clears. It’s her… she looks the same as he last saw her as she yanked that dagger out. The cut above her eye still oozes blood, and there’s still remnants of a bloodstain under her nose. Her silver hair is everywhere except her ponytail, some sticking to the cut, smearing the blood across her forehead. Stains of dirt cover her cheeks.

She is the most beautiful thing he has ever laid his eyes on.

“Emmrich?” her voice is timid, almost afraid that what she’s seeing isn’t real. He realizes that her perception of time is different from his.. She looks like she hasn’t been there for more than a day, while to her, he probably looks like he’s aged years. He hopes this is the case, as it was a torment to be parted from her for these three weeks, and he had his friends to support him, she had no one.

“You’re back, Zea… you’re safe.” He says it as much to assure her as it is to assure himself that yes… she’s here.

“You… came for me?” she asks in a small voice that nearly breaks his heart, “Why did you come for me?” Does she not know how much she is loved and cherished, not only by him, but the rest of the crew? He holds her tight once more, knowing that words will not answer her question as well as actions will. He’s not sure if it's right to kiss her in this state, where both him and her are so emotionally delicate. So he contents himself with holding her, thanking the spirits for her safe return.

“You guys just gonna lay there forever? Or are you gonna fuck? ‘Cus if you are…uh… I want to be out of this creepy place.” There’s a giggle from Harding to Taash’s statement, and a half stern half amused warning from Neve.

“Thank you Taash, for knowing exactly what to say to enhance the moment.” He sighs, although there’s not much anger in his voice. THEY are the reason he is here, with her, and it’s a debt he’ll never quite be able to pay.

“We ought to go home, there’s a lot we must discuss…” Lucanis suggests.

“ HOME!” Manfred agrees as he begins to help Zea up. “ROOK COME HOME!”

She smiles as she accepts his bony hand, barely wincing as she places weight on her left ankle. He’ll have to address that when she gets home. He’s already gotten a checklist of things to do. They need to apprise her of current events, he needs to clean himself up, contact Myrna and the Mourn Watchers for their aid…

But most importantly, he needs to apologise. Not here of course, but where and when she feels comfortable. He needs to assure her that his ramblings were of a man nearly consumed by an irrational fear, that he loves her, deeply, truly.

And if she cannot quite bring herself to trust in his devotion right away, he’s willing to accept that it will take time to mend what was broken.

Whatever it takes…

[m-oddinsdottir]

DARK COLD NIGHTS • 🐺🌙🐺🌙

John Marston x Fem!Oc

Words: 2,385

Warnings: slightly angsty, wounds, fluff

Summary: After Jude managed to tend to John’s wounds from the wolf attack, she waits for her husband to wake up while the guilt and sorrow slowly hunts her down.

A/N: here’s the part two nobody asked for, sorry if there are any mistakes (english isn’t my first language <3) feel free to correct me or give me some advise/ feedback

Part One. Masterlist

•••

She felt embarrassed.

That was a rather simple and invalidating way to describe the way the knot on her stomach had been making her feel like throwing up the remains of the awful stew. That awful stew made by Pearson that Jude had managed to eat for lunch the day before.

Jude had created a list of words that could explain why her lungs seemed to refuse to receive oxygen each time she looked down at John Marston.

Guilt was the one that headed the list. Guilt for assuming the worst, guilt for believing her husband had abandoned her when he was slowly dying out in the cold, guilt for not having asked the others to go look for John earlier, guilt for not being able to tend to his wounds on her own…

Uneasiness followed it pretty close. Every time she decided to look up from the comfort of her novel’s page and into the ripped off skin of her husband, she felt that damn feeling of not knowing what was going to happen next. Her eyes usually landed on his eye first on that and on the blood stained cloth that covered it. Maybe he could never see through that eye again, maybe its tissue was dead, maybe the nerves had been affected. Maybe, maybe and maybe.

Unworthiness stood out between most of them. That made her chuckle bitterly every single time the feeling invaded her hunting her down like the wolves did with John. Jude found herself unworthy, useless, a burden. She was supposed to be the nurse of the gang, the only person everyone should resort to in case of an emergency. But when the moment of truth arrived, she wasn’t even capable of tending to her husband’s injuries.

It certainly didn’t help that the cabin was filled with other members of the gang. She hated hearing the surprisingly sober reverend constantly quoting verses of the Bible. Not only that, but Ms. Adler’s constant crying was driving her mad and so did Ms. Grimshaw’s strict commands that only served for the women to became more irritated. Jude included.

A few times a day, Charles’ silence presence would keep her company while he checked on John’s wounds. He didn’t even know her husband, he didn’t care about him but it was an excuse to make sure Jude was doing alright.

She would just smile weakly at him before closing her eyes and gently caress John’s hair almost as if her touch could wake him up. Charles would look at her, his brows burrowed together and then he would leave, wait for some hours to pass by and then repeat the same silent process. A silent process that comforted Jude more than she could ever admit.

The only three others who had also checked on John and, therefore, on her were Dutch who had used his enviable gab to comfort her. A hand placed on top of her shoulder as he told her how strong she was for remaining by John’s side and how better times were to come.

One of the two others was Hosea whose gentle souls would reassure her by saying that John loved her and that he would come back to her; apart from highlighting patience as one of human’s most valuable but at the same time most rare virtues.

And finally, Arthur, who had just visited her once. A small frown over his chapped lips from the cold as he looked down at John and pointed out how the bastard of her husband would become even uglier after that. His words apparently cold, yes, but he was the only person that had managed to get an amused smile out of her before nodding in her direction and then leaving.

At least they didn’t look at her with pity.

A strained growl brought her back from the bundle of thoughts that were making her feel lightheaded.

John found himself lying on a bed in a small cabin, wrapped in a warm blanket. The chill of the room was only slightly lessened by the fire lit in the fireplace, the cracking sound being the first thing that fought to fill his ears. The pain of his injuries made each movement a challenge, but the stinging agony in his face was enough to keep him still. ‘Damn, I need a smoke.’ He muttered, the words barely audible as he spoke through the pain.

Jude’s eyes widened as she heard his voice. A shaky sigh of relief escaped her lips as she made herself visible for him and a small frown appeared over her lips before her gaze sharpened like daggers. ‘You need shit, John Marston’ Jude mumbled shakily as her trembling hand moved down to hold his hand as her eyes filled with tears. ‘Must be feeling better if you ask for a cigarette before asking to see your wife first, huh?’

A sense of relief washed over John as his eyes met Jude’s. ‘Can’t a man ask for a cigarette after almost dying?’ He asked while trying to grin which only made him wince in pain. ‘Don’t grin, you idiot… God, John’ She scolded him, tears threatening to fall from her eyes.

‘Hey, hey… I’m alright, don’t cry” Marston managed to move his hand up throughout the pain to cup her jaw. The simple gesture made Jude sob as she leaned into his touch.

Footsteps creaked the wooden floor behind them as Ms. Grimshaw commanded everyone to leave the cabin and go to one of the others they were occupying at the moment.

‘Alright?! You were attacked by wolves, John… If Arthur and Javier hadn’t found you-’ Jude trailed off as she roughly wiped away the tears that now stained her flushed cheeks.

‘Don’t’ He spoke, his voice (usually raspy) sounding more strained than ever as he wrapped his hand around her wrists to prevent her from basically hitting her face as she was wiping away the tears that had unavoidable began to fall.

John had never seen Jude cry.

He had seen the sorrow in her eyes before, the way she stubbornly stopped the stinging feeling of her tears as she raised her chin up and held her breath until it would hurt.

Another kind of pain. She had told him once in one of their fights when he frustratingly demanded the meaning behind that behavior. It drove him mad but seeing her cry now… John didn’t know what broke him more. The sight of his wife crying or the sight of her wife trying to hide her despair from being obvious.

John called her name softly and Jude looked into his eyes again. Even like that, a crying mess, her lips broken from the cold, her state deteriorated due to the course of the days in the mountains; Marston couldn’t help but find her… ‘You’re beautiful’ He mumbled.

A bitter chuckle made its way through her crying as she leaned slightly into his touch, turning to rest her forehead against the arm that was holding her wrists.

‘The wolf must have stomped on your head, huh?’

‘For finding my wife beautiful? How am I supposed to find you then?’ John’s thumb began tracing gentle circles around her wrists.

Jude didn’t answer to him as she backed away from his touch to be able to look into his eyes. She sighed and changed her position to lay beside him, a strong scent of blood that was woven into the fabric of the cloths and the bandages around his head immediately flooded her sense of smell. ‘You gave me the warmer coat…’

Marston hummed as an answer, he overlooked the pain to tilt his head on her direction. ‘That I did’

‘We had fought before that’ She whispered and the man’s eyes shined for a second.

‘We did’

The tone he used to say those simple sentences were driving Jude mad. He sounded calm, in peace almost as if nothing of what happened had affected him.

‘Stop doing that’

John’s lips tugged upwards slightly despite the pain. ‘Stop doing what exactly?’

‘Acting as if I… Uh-’ Jude trailed off not really knowing how to describe it and maybe the tears and the headache they had provoked didn’t help either ‘As if I was the best thing you have ever seen in your life’

‘You’re the best thing that I have ever seen in my life’

Jude frowned when his voice sounded again relaxed. He and his calm behavior. The same trait that usually made him come across as serious. An attribute he indeed had, as well as his lack of patience and his cold overall attitude.

But not with Jude. With her, his cold facade was long gone.

‘I thought…’ Jude’s tears threatened to fall from her eyes once again. ‘I thought you had left us… Again’

After her admission, John’s brows burrowed together and he groaned when the sharp pain of the scratches shook his body ‘You really thought I would do that?’

More tears pooled on her eyes as she leaned in closer to bury her face against his arm knowing that there he wouldn’t feel any pain if she rested against it. ‘I should have asked Arthur to go search for you before… Maybe that way you could recover earlier and maybe…’

John interrupted her quickly and despite his pain he managed to encircle his arm around her waist locking her on a tight hug. ‘You couldn’t have known I was attacked by wolves, dear’

‘No, but the first thing I assumed was that you had left when you were out on the cold bleeding out and—’ He gently squeezed her waist to stop her incoherent trail of thought that all ended in her blaming herself.

‘My love… I— This isn’t your fault.’ John moved his hand up from his waist towards her hair, his hand getting tangled between her locks ‘And I… I would never leave the gang again. I would never leave you again’

‘John…’

‘No, Jude. Do I have to get on my knees again for you? I love you. That’s the only thing that matters to me.’ The way he was talking… He was being more serious than ever and those were big words when describing John Marston ‘I go where you go, Jude… Even if that means freezing in the cold with you’

‘Which is why I’m feeling even more guilty for thinking otherwise!’ Jude unconsciously raised her voice at him and then she sighed moving one hand up to rub it against her eyes and prevent more tears to fall.

Her husband groaned and he held her hand pulling it away from her eyes and squeezing it in a tender manner. ‘I’m just trying to do things right… But you have every right to don’t trust me completely, my love’

He was being honest, she knew he was. But a part of her wanted to scream at him, to punch him, to walk away from him due to his understanding behavior. John was trying to reassure her and lord was he succeeding at doing so.

‘I trust you. I do.’ Jude whispered back at him and her hand held his which was still tangled on her hair ‘I really do’ She repeated softly ‘It’s just been a lot… And I couldn’t even—’ She pointed at the injuries over his face ‘I couldn’t even help you properly, Charles did… And I dare to call myself a nurse?’

‘But I remember…’ Marston trailed off trying to think about what had happened. He recalled getting to the cabin with the help of… Someone. Maybe Bill? Or was it Uncle? No, his lazy ass wouldn’t move a finger to help him. He remembered being laid on the same bed he was right now, same ceiling when he looked up and same dusty smell that was now overpowered by the scent of his own blood. And he remembered seeing her, talking with her, feeling her before he eventually passed out.

‘After you lost consciousness, I couldn’t keep going. You were bleeding and your eye looked really bad and I… I guess I didn’t have the stomach to do it’

It wasn’t that Jude didn’t have the stomach. She had seen worse, even attended an arm’s amputation when she lived back with her father. That damn psychopath would slowly saw a limb by the opening of the joint in front of an eight year old.

The reason why she couldn’t keep going was because it was John. The fear of losing him was too much for her to even begin to handle but the idea of losing him due to one of her mistakes or because she couldn’t do enough (or be enough) was unbearable.

‘The fear froze me’ Jude admitted and John gently began to massage her scalp making her close her eyes with comfort.

‘So you love me that much you froze, huh?’ Marston asked teasingly almost in a way to lighten up the mood, Jude smirked before chuckling and then hiding her face in his neck.

‘You idiot’ She whispered back.

‘Your idiot’

‘My idiot’

John chuckled ignoring the pain that shook him as he cupped her cheek and pulled her back to be able to look into her eyes. ‘When did we turned into one of those clingy couples? We looking like Arthur and Mary back in the days…’

‘Maybe it was when your face was ripped apart by a wolf?’

‘Fair enough, darlin’…’ Marston leaned in closer to her, his shaky breath brushing against her lips. ‘Fair enough’

He cradled her face, thumbs rubbing against her cold skin, wiping away the tears that had streamed from her eyes. He leaned down just enough for his lips to meet hers tenderly, his lips barely brushing hers. His wounds stopped him from deepening the kiss, they stopped him from giving in to his desires.

John broke the kiss just to raise his chin and press another kiss against her forehead. ‘So you can’t be that mad at me if you’re lettin’ me kiss you…’

‘You want me to leave, love?’

John’s cheeks flushed as he hesitantly leaned in closer to press another quick peck against her lips, when he pulled away a smirk tugged at the corners of his also harmed lips. ‘Hell no…’

[bookishtheaterlover7]

How Long Could We Be A Sad Song?

a/n: Well, it's here! The fic that I'm most anxious to write and post. Honestly, I wrote this and got inspiration when I was in my most upset and angsty mood. Which was a few months ago, and it's been sitting within the pages of Maddie (my writing notebook), and my drafts. And somehow through a very frustrating bout of Writer's Block, as well as, the fact that I was reminded and paired my own feelings to "Taylor Swift's You're Losing Me", put it into a moodboard and boom! This fic was born.

Normally, I'd dedicate this to a special friend. But this time, I'd like to deviate, and dedicate this to myself. Weird, I know. This time though, this fic will remind me that every emotion, and every feeling is valid and if vented properly, can and will flourish into something productive and beautiful.

Alright. That's enough talk from me. I hope you all enjoy the fic. And I also hope I didn't crush you, cause well... it's angst, what else can I say? 😆

Chris Evans x Secret Girlfriend!Reader

Requested: No

WARNINGS: Panic Attacks, Angst, Established Relationship, Relationship Drama, Sad Chris, Sad Dodger

Heartbreak Divider by @firefly-graphics

Enjoy!!!

*Y/C/F/M = Your Close Family Member

Outside, the night was quiet, and peaceful. The crickets calling into the night air, frogs singing in unison, adding to the ambiance. Even the noisiest neighbor seemed to have taken some time off from being the thorn on everyone’s side. But while the world seemed almost frozen, Y/n sat in her living room, her heart pounding in her ears, and a knot forming in the pit of her stomach after she told the Love of her Life that she wanted to end their 6-year relationship. The sad part was, Chris seemed so lost as Y/n’s words hung in the air.

“I-I don’t understand...” He finally said, looking up at her from resting his head between his legs, across their living room. The space feeling more like chasm the longer this dragged on.

“I know you don’t, Chris.” Y/n sighed, getting up from her chair, and kneeling beside Chris, before taking his trembling hands in hers, hoping to give him some comfort, knowing that he could spiral into a Panic Attack in his fragile state. She knew because, if she didn’t do it for herself, she’d do the same.

They let the silence of their built home surround them, like a warm blanket. Both knew that they were only delaying the inevitable, but they selfishly wanted to hang on to what little time they had left together.

Time felt like it slowed, as Y/n’s gaze remained focused on their joined hands. Taking her back to a time years ago, on a bench, when Chris first saved Y/n...

She had been touring New York with her family, unfortunately, the crowds were too overwhelming for her, and while they were forming their lines to enter the theater of some play, Y/n couldn’t focus her breathing long enough to look at the marquee, and her chest felt tighter and tighter, as she told *Y/C/F/M that she’d like to grab a bite from the stall she saw near a bench, a few ways back, and left before he/she/they could protest.

She took advantage of the open air, and tried to regulate her breathing, by taking slow deep breaths, before arriving and collapsing on the bench. Resting her head against the back of it and feeling and inhaling the passing fresh breeze. The tightness in her chest was still there, and she continued taking deep breaths in order to regulate her breathing, not even noticing the handsome stranger, standing next to her.

“Uh, hi! Excuse me? Miss? Ar-are you okay?” He greeted, his blue eyes gleaming, as Y/n took a big breath before answering.

“Huh. Yeah. Yeah. I’m fine, Sir. Just feeling a little overwhelmed. Is all.” She laughed, wiping her cheeks. Just noticing that there were tears running down them.

“I get that. No matter how many times you do this, or come here, it can still get overwhelming... May I?” The stranger asked, gesturing to the empty space next to her. To which she nodded and scooted over a little to give him some room.

He put his bag down between his legs, opened one of the pockets and pulled out a couple of tissues, before handing them to her. That Y/n gratefully accepted, dabbing at the corners of her eyes.

“The city is actually quite beautiful, but I’d prefer it if it didn’t have so many goings on, you know?” She said, breaking the comfortable silence that settled over them.

“Oh, I definitely know. It’s places like this right here, though, that helps.” He said, admiring the way the bench overlooked a cluster of buildings in the most picturesque way.

“Is that an invitation to meet here again?” Y/n laughed.

“Maybe... Are you going to take me up on it?” The stranger laughed, his face expressing hope.

“I might...” She smiled, holding her hand out, now being able to breathe easier.

“Y/n.”

“Chris.” He replied, taking it and shaking it.

It wasn’t until Y/n returned to the theater that she realized WHO she had just met. And it definitely took her a while to shake it off, and, even if it seemed like a fluke at the time, she was pretty sure that Chris winked at her from the stage that night.

She was thankful for how he helped her. And it just became a thing for them to do the other, even a couple years later, when Chris was presented a way to possibly earn money during the pandemic.

Y/n focused her gaze on the mantel, her mind wandering to when she and Chris first made this place into their home. Moving things around, deciding which items gets put on display, what color the walls are gonna be... Back when everything was possible.

“How time flies...” She trailed off.

“Y/N/N. Baby...” Chris cried, his voice breaking at the end. Which caused Y/n to swallow a sob too.

“How can I make this better? I can fix this for us.” He said, hopping down from the seat onto Y/n’s level on the floor.

“That’s the thing, Chris. You can’t.” Y/n cried, pulling her hands away, and wrapping them around herself, in an attempt to give herself some comfort, as well as ground her.

“This is the most cliche thing that I’ve ever said, but it’s not you, it’s me. I can’t handle it... It’s getting too much for me, and the sad thing is, it’s not even your fault, because it’s my own feelings, and you’re just doing your job...” She ranted, her heart going a mile a minute, her chest feeling tighter.

“Hey. Hey.” Chris said, gently taking her hands, placing one on his cheek, and cupping her cheek, allowing her to follow his breathing, slowing hers down.

They let time pass, just holding the other close. Letting the other’s presence bring their calm. Like always.

Chris has just realized how much of a colossal fuck up he just made. How the fuck did he not notice?! That Story went from wholesome to “What did I just do?!” in just a few hours.

His heart was racing a mile a minute, and he felt like he couldn’t catch his breath. Pacing back and forth on his balcony, the fresh air rendered useless in relieving him.

“Hey. Chris, everything’s going to be alright, okay?” Y/n said, putting one hand on his shoulder, getting his attention on her.

“Deep breaths. 2 seconds in, 3 seconds out. C’mon, Babe. Do it with me.” She smiled, helping him breathe through his attack.

Some time later, Y/n helped him onto their couch. Dodger hopping on next to Chris, allowing him to pet the little guy. She had left the room to grab him a glass of water. Which after handing it over to him, she sat down behind Dodger, hand on Chris’ knee, letting her presence and silent assurance say what words may fall short on.

“We can do this, Baby. We can work through this, fight it.” Chris said, pulling back to look at Y/n’s eyes, determined.

“No, Chris. We can’t. I can’t.” She said, pulling away, and standing so that she was facing away from him, the view from their window her only comfort in this moment.

“I know that you want to make this work, because you’re you. But I can’t let you. Do you really want to stay, when I feel like a ghost in my own relationship? I literally could send you the biggest most obvious sign, and I don’t think you’d hear me.”

“But I’m here, Y/N/N. I’m right here, and I’m not going anywhere.” Chris pleaded.

“Yeah. What happens when you need to go, Chris? When they need you to do something, again. And I have to see pics of you and her, knowing full well that that’s supposed to be me. On your arm, announcing our love and our relationship to the world. Taking on every comment, every hate, every piece of scrutiny, together. Instead, the world believes in that sham, because they don’t know I exist in your life.” Y/n cried, turning towards him, not even bothering to hold her tears back anymore.

Chris tried to reach out for her, but she took a step back. Not letting him hold her, knowing full well that if he did, everything will feel right, and she won’t be able to do what she needed to.

“This is just temporary, Baby. It’ll soon end, and at some point, we can walk out of those doors, and be able to show everyone.” Chris said, tears shining in his own eyes.

“You’ve been saying that for years. And honestly, you don’t even know when will it end exactly. And it’s destroying you. I know that you only did this to help your family, but it shouldn’t be at the expense of your own happiness.” Y/n said with conviction, her gaze filled with so much intensity, Chris avoided it and made his way to their room.

“You know, I’m right, Chris.”

“Well, has it ever crossed your mind, that maybe, I’m doing this for us? That maybe, it isn’t just for myself and my family? But for our future together?” Chris yelled, exasperated.

“And you know, that I have never cared about any of that! I don’t care if you’re some world-famous actor, or some rich gazillionaire, or whatever. I care about you, Chris. I don’t know why you could never see that.” Y/n sighed in disbelief, turning away from Chris, heading out the door to grab her bags and leave, forever.

“Wait. Baby, please wait.” Chris said, grabbing her wrist, and holding it gently, not wanting to hurt her, but make one last stitch effort to make her stay.

“I love you, isn’t it enough? I’m all yours. No part of me is ever not going to be yours. We just need to hang in there a little longer.” Silence filled the air, Y/n remaining silent for what felt like hours, until she finally spoke.

“You know I will always love you, too, Chris. But I can’t stay and end up hating you as a result. I wouldn’t be able to survive that. I’m sorry.” She said, looking at his gorgeous eyes, committing them to memory, before pulling away, and continuing her short walk to the door.

She had one foot out the door, when she felt a small tug on her pant leg. Looking down at a sad Dodger, whining, begging her to stay.

“Hey, Bubba. Don’t be sad. I will never not love you. And I need you to make sure, your Daddy remembers that too. Can you do that for me?” She said, kneeling down and petting him while smiling through her tears, as Dodger barked in reply, licking her face.

“Alright. That’s my good boy.” Y/n said, giving him a final pet before nudging him away from the doorway, and closing it behind her.

The silence wasn’t as comforting without her there. Even as Dodger assumed his duties, nudging against Chris, as he petted him. He felt numb, like a huge chunk of himself was removed and no way to fill the hole.

“It’s just you and me now, Bud... Just you and me.”

a/n: You guys still good? I hope it wasn't too bad. I may need to write something to balance out the angst, but that'll be a while... 😬

Special thanks to the best girls in the world for encouraging me, and getting me through my panic attacks to finish this. I couldn't have done it without you. Love y'all! 🥹❤️

And I'm also pretty sure that this'll be the only Chris Evans as himself fanfiction I'll ever write or post... We'll see.

But will this be my last Taylor Swift x CE/Character song fic? Definitely not 😉

Until the next one! Stay safe and sane, Everyone 🫶

❤ Booky

Main Masterlist

Chris Evans Characters Masterlist

Taylor Swift x CE/Characters Songfic Masterlist 😉

Taglist: @nescavaneck @jiyascepter @royalwriteroftheuniverse @femefetalelevelingup

[superman86to99]

Superman: The Man of Steel #0 (October 1994)

"Peer Pressure," Part 1! ZERO MONTH IS HERE! After the universe-destroying and universe-rebirthing events of Zero Hour, every DCU series gets a #0 issue where we go back to square, uh, zero and recap the character's origin. In Superman's case, that means we get to see poor, doomed Jor-El and Lara again... with all-new dialogue, compared to 1986's The Man of Steel #1. (No more "Jor-El declaring his love as the world explodes," sadly.)

The rest of Superman's origin unfolds pretty much as we know it, with one new addition: we see that Ma and Pa Kent's neighbors, Mr. and Mrs. Braverman, happened to be giving birth to their son on a pickup truck in the middle of the road right when Kal-El's baby rocket crash landed on the Kent farm. The Kents' dialogue has also been changed by Hal Jordan's meddling with the timeline (Pa no longer says the classic line "They's bin sendin' dogs and monkeys up into orbit"), but at least this panel survived the chronal carnage:

(RIP Ma Kent's skirt.)

With the mildly retconned origin out of the way, we cut to the present, where Superman is dealing with some gangsters shooting each other with Toastmasters in Metropolis -- which is looking pretty un-destroyed for a city that got bombed to hell a few months ago. We get an explanation in the next scene, when Superman reunites with Lois Lane and he mentions that, after Zero Hour, all of Earth's heroes got together and rebuilt the city in record time. Plus, they go out of their way to mention that "Death of Superman" didn't get retconned -- your Superman #75 copy is still worth big bucks, kids!

As Lois and Clark deign themselves to get to work at the rebuilt Daily Planet offices, they see that someone left Clark an envelope containing a photo of his fifth shared birthday with little Kenny Braverman (you know, the pickup truck baby), but little Clarkie's face has been cut off. Clark thinks it's "probably nothing" -- but, right on the next page, some debris happens to fall on them as they're walking outside the Planet and would have crushed them if it wasn't for Clark's quick reflexes.

Clark finds another creepily vandalized photo waiting for him in his building's mailbox. This one shows Clarkie (sans head) at a school play where he got to kiss Lil' Lana Lang because Kenny, who was supposed to do the smooching, was sick that day. As Lois and Clark look at the photo, the building's elevator has a malfunction they wouldn't have survived if one of them wasn't able to fly. Right after each strange accident, we see a mysterious helmeted character who seems to know Clark and hates his guts, for some reason.

Clark is starting to get the impression that someone is trying to kill him. He doesn't have long to dwell on that before another emergency comes up: someone has set fire to the orphanage where Keith the Unlucky Orphan lives (see why I call him Keith the Unlucky Orphan?). It turns out the mysterious villain started the fire in order to attract Clark, who happens to be the one reporter in town not covering this "Superman saves orphans" story. However, Ron Troupe picked this day to crib Clark's "glasses and fedora" look, causing the villain to mistake him for his target. At least we know that this particular bad guy isn't racist, since he apparently doesn't see race.

(To be fair, everyone looks the same race under the pink glow of an orphanage fire.)

This time, the photo arrives after the attack, this one showing Kenny and Clark as Boy Scouts with Kenny's dad as their Scoutmaster. Clark remembers that Kenny somehow caused a fire that time and got chewed out by his dad, while Clarkie got hailed as a hero for putting it out with sand. Clark doesn't see much significance in that jolly childhood memory, but Lois wonders: "What if this is someone letting you know -- they set fire to the orphanage on purpose?" Clark should have handed her all his Pulitzers right then.

TO BE CONTINUED!

Character-Watch:

First appearance of Superman's Childhood Classmate, Kenny Braverman, who cinephiles will no doubt recognize as that bully kid from Zack Snyder's Man of Steel (and also one episode of Superman: The Animated Series, according to Wikipedia). Not sure what Kenny did to deserve that depiction, since he seems like a perfectly nice young kid in this issue. Oh, and guess this is also the first appearance of that mystery villain trying to kill Clark, even though we all know who that is... you've gone too far this time, Jeb!

Plotline-Watch:

A significant (to me) retcon in this issue is that Jor-El and Lara no longer say the Kryptonian Death Chant right before getting blown to krypto-pieces, as established during the "Exile in Space" and reaffirmed in the Eradicator saga. That's a shame; I liked that morbid little bit of Kryptonian culture.

On the other hand, I'm pleased that the freak storm that trapped the Kents in their farm for months, conveniently giving them an excuse for suddenly showing up with a baby, is still part of the continuity (and presumably still orchestrated by Manhunter robots, as revealed in the Millennium crossover). Hey, wait a minute, shouldn't Clark's official birthday be months after Kenny Braverman's, then? Did Kenny let Clark celebrate their birthday together because "no one knew" the exact date for Clark's, due to the storm? Such a good friend.

I'm not totally sure why Lois mentions a "fight with Satanus" when Clark asks if she remembers Metropolis' destruction. Is she talking about the "Blaze/Satanus War" storyline? I do remember a building getting turned into a portal to Hell there, but the level of destruction was still way lower than in other storylines like "Panic in the Sky!" or, you know, "Doomsday!" (if it has an exclamation mark at the end, you know Metropolis is getting fucked up).

The full tale of Metropolis' reconstruction will be told in a future Adventures issue, because I guess they didn't want new readers to have to deal with all that. Curiously, Lord Satanus will be involved in that flashback story, but he usually acts from the shadows so I don't think Lois could be talking about that. Maybe the writers intended to retroactively slip another Satanus story into the continuity post-Zero Hour, but ended up settling for making him a part of that "rebuilding Metropolis" issue?

Based on her facial expression, Lois doesn't approve of the decision to cast Lana Lang as Snow White. Next thing you know, she's gonna start making YouTube videos about why the Snow White actress is DESTROYING Disney and make hating this one poor girl the main part of her personality.

Shout Outs-Watch:

Mildly retconned shout outs to our SUPporters, Aaron, Chris "Ace" Hendrix, britneyspearsatemyshorts, Patrick D. Ryall, Mark Syp, Ryan Bush, Raphael Fischer, Kit, Dave Shevlin, Dave Blosser, and a huge welcome to Bryan! (The retcon is that we added him to the list.) Join them (and get extra articles) via Patreon or our newsletter's "pay what you want" mode! Both of those also have free tiers, if you just wanna get posts like this one in your inbox.

Also shout out to the winner of our latest art giveaway, as decreed by the random number generator gods: Murray Qualie, via the newsletter! We'll be in contact shortly about getting you that fine Don Sparrow art.

And speaking of Don, here's his take on the art in this issue, including that one panel of Superman FURIOUSLY chopping onions:

Art-Watch (by @donsparrow):

We start with the cover, and it’s an appropriately simple, jumping on point type cover, reintroducing the core (literally) elements of the basic Superman story, this time depicting the Fabio era Superman with the explosive death of Krypton behind him.  My memory is faulty, I think, because I remember thinking that Bogdanove’s art fell off after the death and return storylines, but if this issue is any indication, he’s as good as ever, because this whole comic is just show-stopper after show-stopper. [Max: In my memory, Bog's art was the most consistent part of this era, and one thing that kept me going through my disaffected teenager years.]

Inside the comic, we get another, even more detailed view of Krypton’s end, with the familiar Byrne-era rocket speeding away.  With so much great art, I don’t want my section to go too long, so I’m going to have to be choosy about what I focus on, but the entire contrasting sequence of how both the Bravermans (Bravermen?) and Kents become parents is so well done. 

The image of infant Clark squirming as his Matrix opens is a good one, even if his size seems to vary a lot in the panels that come. 

Page 5 we get an absolute jaw-dropper of a splash page, with Superman diving through the skies backed by a postcard worthy view of Metropolis.  There’s certain iconic images of Superman that always hold a lot of power (the shirt opening reveal, the chain snap, the bullet bounce, etc—what are some of your favourites?) and Superman stopping a train is up there as a candidate.  Bogdanove brings great gesture and a sense of effort as he halts the train before it hits the damaged part of the track. [Max: This panel reminds me of Frank Miller's cover for Superman: The Secret Years #3, which I only know about because it was also a pinup somewhere.]

Page 8’s splash is another real highlight, showing both Lois’ daintiness and their shared passion after being apart so long for the strange events of Zero Hour.

Say what you want about the character, but I really love the design on our mystery assailant (seen on page 11), especially the inscrutability his reflective costume gives him.  It reminds me of Alien, by way of Snake Eyes from GI Joe.

There’s something domestically intimate about Superman chopping a mountain of onions, and I like the distant concentration on his face as he does so.  I do wonder if carbonara was meant to be Bolognese, as a traditional carbonara contains no onions.  Or was that the point Lois was making, that zero onions are needed for their meal?  At any rate, my spaghetti Bolognese contains two full onions, for the record. Maybe we’ll give the FULL recipe to foodie patreon subscribers, ha ha. [Max: You heard him! Join today!]

The rim-lit Superman is a great, simple panel, and a part of a great sequence—does it get more Superman than rescuing orphans? Though Keith should get a shoutout for his quick thinking of dousing everyone in water to keep them safe until help arrived.

I can’t let how good Lois looks as she types up the arson story pass without comment, so here’s me commenting:  she looks great.

SPEEDING BULLETS:

I like that in virtually his first lines, we get the sense that Al Braverman is no Jonathan Kent.  Sure, it’s a husband’s job to encourage his wife to push when she’s in labour, but the addition of “dang it” hints at what a jerk he is, as does his wife Beryl feeling like she needs to apologize for being in labour at an inopportune moment.  It’s done subtly enough here that I thought it was worth highlighting.

Plenty of GODWATCH this week, with Martha, then Jonathan invoking the “Lord” in the moments they find their future son on page 3, and then Superman thanks Heaven that Keith and the other children are alive.

Are we OK with Lois’ use of “gangstas” to describe the combating rivals on the train?

While certain elements of the story (Al Braverman generally sucking as a parent) are deftly handled, the “mystery” of the stalker leaving the photos behind shouldn’t last more than a couple of panels for two investigative reporters like Lois and Clark (to her credit, Lois is dubious of Clark’s “crank” dismissal virtually from the jump, asking the incredibly basic questions Clark should be asking himself, like where did they get the picture?).

I presume Mrs. Weisinger is based off of Thelma Weisinger, lifelong wife of famed DC Comics editor Mort?  I can’t find much in the way of photos of Thelma (her eyewear actually remind me of Bob Kane’s wife Elizabeth Sanders, who played Gossip Gertie in the Schumacher Batman films, one of the more harmless indulgences of those films) but that’s my guess.  I don’t remember her featuring too prominently in upcoming stories, but we’ve established I have a fuzzy memory for certain things. [Max: Mrs. Weisinger pushing Lois and Clark to get married already is appropriate, since the real Mr. Weisinger was one of the few creators who, according to a '70s poll, was actually okay with that happening and predicted the engagement/wedding pretty much as it unfolded in the '90s.]

Kenny’s father seems like he should be the target of this retribution moreso than Clark!

Missed an issue? Looking for an old storyline? Check out our new chronological issue index!

[orchid-mantis-petals]

WHEN HOME BECOMES YOU CHAPTER 4:

/ Why hello again!! Omg a post before 12 am MST shocker!! But here she is in all her glory. Chapter 4. Finally things are taking off!!

/ Couple of prefaces before we begin: I don’t own Stray Kids. I just love them dearly and want you to enjoy them too. All of the work here in this blog belongs to me. Do not copy or steal my work. Lastly I know very little about motorcycles so don’t come at me if things are wrong. I’ll learn and fix them 💜💜

/ I would like to thank @maximumkillshot she has been an absolute angel guiding me this week. She’s helped move the chapters and timeline of this fic in a proper direction. (The motorcycle scene in here is her brilliant idea)

/ Genre: Angst, comfort, fluff

/ Warnings: Panic attack (Han), anxiety, yelling, mentions of sleep (or lack of), crowds, and as always swearing

/ Summary:

“Y/N, I need to protect them,” he motioned to the boys as a defense.

“Sure, in the studio, on the stage, but here in this moment that is my fucking job. Out here I am your shield, I am your protection. I am the reason you will get from a to b safe and sound. Use me for the skills that I have. You put yourself into danger back there Chan!! Don’t ever do that again!! You said you trusted me, fucking prove it yah?? Let me do my goddamn job. Got. It??”

Your last few months since your arrival in Korea was to build up the team you had been assigned. From the moment you were given the job you were told to build a team you trusted to protect a high volume client. Without hesitation you hand picked the team based on their background and skills. It took you two weeks just to pick out the team. The rest of the time you built them up. You hoped this team was one you could be proud of, if they weren’t you’d scrap them all. It was something you had warned them from the beginning. If they weren’t up to the task you’d cut them from your team. No hesitation. It was easy to see some of the younger men were startled, the ones closer to your age had an air of arrogance you couldn’t wait to knock down a peg. Finally the day came, just as you entered the JYP building for your own daily training you got the call. The clients had arrived back from their overseas schedules. You were to meet the leader and a few of his staff upstairs in conference room 4. You were glad to have packed your uniform in your gym bag. After a quick change you wandered up to the room. Around a large table you saw various sets of faces. Some you had met through your months here, some were new. With a gentle knock you pushed the door open and bowed to greet the room. All faces were turned to you at the door.

“Hello, good morning everyone,” in a moment they all stood, bowed and greeted you formally as you sat down in one of the chairs. Directly across from you on the other end was a man you had vague recognition of, but you couldn’t place where you had recognized him from. His broad shoulders, bare face, and shaggy curls really didn’t give you much inkling.

“Hello, it is a pleasure to meet you. I am Christopher Bang Chan. But by all means please call me Chan. Everyone else does. I look forward to working with you,” he was formal, though you weren’t surprised, he was the leader of an apparently world famous idol group. Formalities were necessary in professional environments like this. You enjoyed the refreshing professionalism and charisma that seemed to roll off him in waves.

“Thank you, Chan,” it felt slightly awkward as it slipped off your tongue but he didn’t protest so you continued. “My name is (L/N), (F/N). Please call me by my first name. Since we’re being informal,” you smiled at him, it seemed to ease a slight tension in his shoulders. At his relaxation you also took a deep breath. “Has JYP spoken to you about what is going on??” you wanted to gauge the knowledge he had on the security situation.

“He told me enough, but I would like to hear it from you as well. So that we are both on the same page,”

“JYP has hired the company I work for to become private security for his idols. While you and your band were in America I used that time to hand pick and build a team I have confidence will do their best job to protect you and your band. Here are the files on every member of my team. It includes background, training, and skills. My own file is in there,” he nodded as he took the papers from you. You watched as he slipped them into a bag at his feet.

“Would you like to meet the band?? I heard the rest of your team had today off. But as the leader I would like you to meet them. I think it would ease some of the tension of change if they had a face to see,” change was hard you knew that. If providing them a name and face would help ease whatever stress they had you would be happy to.

“My schedule is clear until we work tomorrow. I am happy to meet them,” with a nod you joined Chan as he stood. The rest of the people in the room idled before they too dispersed to finish whatever tasks they had been assigned for the day. It was a short elevator ride to the practice rooms and a quick walk down the hall.

“Between schedules you’ll likely find us here. I will be sure to get you my phone number so if you need to reach me at any point you can,” you nodded as he slid open the door to the practice room. The flood of noise that filled your ears was shocking. Within the room you could see bodies moving around to music that blared loudly over a set of speakers tucked at the back of the room. Some of the noise filtered from sneakers as they scuffed the floor, instructions that were shouted over the music. Or the occasional holler of one of the men as they enjoyed the energy. It was refreshing to see such a lively attitude from how long you’d been on a strict schedule for your team. “Boys!!” Chan called above the music. You watched as all eyes moved to the two of you at the door. Whoever was closest to the radio moved to pause the music. Once it was Chan moved to stand by the boys. “Line up,” it was easy to see how quick he took command of the room. All of them, eight with Chan lined up in a row as Chan began a countdown “1, 2, 3, Step out, hello we are Stray Kids,” all at once they bowed hands creating a gesture you knew was likely unique to their team. After they greeted you it was your turn.

“Hello,” you bowed, low and formal. “I am (L/N), (F/N), please feel free to call me Y/N. I am the leader of your new security team. Come tomorrow I will begin my job of protecting you,” as you lifted your head your eyes met those of someone familiar. In a moment it all came crashing back. It was no shit the name Chan, and Stray Kids was familiar. Right there, three feet in front of you. There he was, the man with the dreamer eyes. It seemed he recognized you too. His jaw slack as he stared, as though it was unbelievable to have found you here. It wasn’t his face, more so his reaction to recognizing you. In a moment you covered your mouth as a fit of laughs wracked your chest. “I am so sorry,” you apologized as you turned your back to them and laughed harder. It was soon another laugh filled the room as you turned back to look at the group. He too had begun to laugh along. It had left the entire room in a state of confusion. The rest of the boys looked as though the two of you had gone mad.

“Chan, this is the security guard from America,”

“The one who saved you??” the two of you managed to collect yourselves as you both faced Chan.

“The very one, she dove between me and STAY to get me free. She said she had to kick me to do it,”

“She kicked you?!?!” oh maybe that wasn’t the right thing to say, the entire room shifted. The young man who shouted glared daggers at you now. That really wasn’t the first impression you had wanted to go for.

“Guys, guys she had to. She didn’t even kick hard. It was just enough force to get me loose from the crowd. Even came to check on me after the show. Y/N is a life saver,” that seemed to ease the tension of the room. But you could see your welcome was now unwelcome by some.

“It's nice to meet you, I better go,” before you slipped out of the room you made sure to bow, providing them with the utmost respect before you exited the room. Back to your original plan of the day you spent the next few hours down at the gym. Your interaction from earlier was good fuel to your boxing set that was prime overdue. After you logged the four hour set, and reminded yourself you would have to remove a set from a different day to give yourself some reprieve it was time to go home. A quick shower and a fresh set of clothes under your riding gear and you were on your way. Fate wasn’t really on your side today it seemed. Just as you settled your backpack on you heard the now more familiar shouts of Stray Kids as they entered the parking garage. All noise stopped once they had spotted you though. With a sigh you turned, giving the group a polite wave before you returned to set up the navigation on your phone.

“Y/N,” the deep trill of a soft voice at your side called your attention. When you looked up you found one of the members now beside you. You had left the room so fast you hadn’t even bothered to learn the names of the men you’d be protecting. Now, stood before you was a blonde man, with the prettiest freckles that fanned over his nose and cheeks.

“Yes,”

“Felix,”

“What's up Felix??” oh, the way he smiled at you when you called him by his name. It settled a warmth over your soul, lit into a gentle blaze as you looked into his eyes.

“Well, we were just admiring your motorcycle. Changbin over there really likes the color. You see, he kinda has this thing for pink,” you gaze shifted away from the blonde to the group. Changbin, was he your dreamy eyed man?? “He’s the big buff one,” Felix kindly pointed out as you looked at the group. So he was, you took mental note. “Anyway, he’s really shy. But I think he'd like it if you would talk to him,” when Felix smiled at you like that, how were you supposed to say no.

“Sure, I was just thinking I needed to learn everyone's names,” as you stood you moved to put your helmet down, having decided that morning to attach a set of fluffy rabbit ears on it for a fun effect.

“Wait, please bring the helmet,” quizzically you raised a brow to Felix, ‘why’ painted all over your face. “Bin, he likes cute things. I think it will make him blush,” oh, he was trying to tease his friend. “He likes you, hasn’t stopped chatting about the security guard from America since the day you saved him,” so the helmet would come with.

“Okay, let's go,” you smiled at Felix. You giggled as he beamed back, before you could stop him his small hand wrapped around your wrist as he dragged you forward to the group. With your helmet in hand you followed him, wary of the daggers that now bore into your face. The same man from before stared at you with a narrowed gaze, a shiver zipped up your spine. He clearly wasn’t your biggest fan.

“Guys!! Y/N didn’t get to learn our names!!” Felix called as he planted you in front of the group, he was kind enough to stay at your side when he dragged you over.

“Ah, well I know Chan’s from our meeting. And now I know yours Felix,” your gaze moved along the group, a few stood rather defensive but you wanted to try something to break the ice. “Felix said your Changbin??” you tilted your head as you eyed the man, when you had first met him you were in such a hurry you didn’t get much chance to take him in. Now, it seemed you would have all the time in the world. One thing that didn’t change though was the deep pools that were his eyes. What secrets they held, what things they saw. So much the same as the first time you saw them. “It’s really nice to finally have a name to go with that handsome face,” maybe you stroked his ego but damn was it worth it when the effect was so immediate. His cheeks flared in a deep red, you could even see it run over the tips of his ears. Felix doubled over with laughter at your side.

“Oh she’s funny,” the man that stood by the one currently ready for your demise spoke up as he giggled. “I’m Han, behind me is Lee Know,” right Han, and Lee Know.

“The others are Seungmin, Hyunjin, and I.N.,” Chan introduced the others as they seemed distracted in their laughter.

“It is nice to finally meet all of you. I will see you in the morning at the airport,” you bowed once more as you lifted your helmet up from your side and onto your head. All eyes shifted from you to Changbin as one of the fuzzy ears flopped down to the side of your helmet giving a droopy look to one and a half droopy to the other. You swore his cheeks got darker in mere seconds. You made a mental reminder to thank Felix for the icebreaker he provided. As you were on your way you circled the boys on your bike as you gave them one last wave of the night.

****

When morning arrived the next day Chan wasn’t sure how much sleep he had gotten the night before. After he made sure the others had gotten home safe he locked himself away in his room to work. Sure he could have gone back to the studio but they had a 5 am flight to Japan for a broadcast. If he had stayed at the studio he would have missed the flight. So he stayed home. He made sure the others got sleep, and that he got some. Before it had gotten too late he made sure to send you an email of the next month's schedule. Come morning he had downed two cups of coffee just to get his feet out the door. All bags were packed and settled by the door. With three broadcasts in Japan, and an awards show, they’d be there for a week before they’d come back to Korea for another session of broadcasts.

“Morning,” he looked up to find Changbin in the doorway of the kitchen, his broad frame leaned against the wood.

“Morning,” he greeted back as he looked at his watch, ah it was time to go.

“Cars loaded, staff are waiting for us,” Chan nodded as he settled his cup into the sink. He’d take care of it when they got home next week. As soon as the eight of them stepped into the parking garage you were there with the team you had cultivated. Chan hoped that he wouldn’t have to witness the skills you so cleanly listed in everyone's files. Especially today, 4 am was far too early to have to deal with a crowd of people. Chan especially knew how easy it was for Han to have an anxiety attack when he was tired. The freshly risen boys were an easy target for any possibility, Chan knew that all too well. When you stepped up you nodded short but sweet, then you turned to address the entire group.

“Dispatch has leaked today's flight schedule. Airport staff called the company early this morning. STAY is here, and they are wound up. I asked airport security to give us additional support as we go in. They have also notified me they have barricades set up to keep STAY pushed back. It will be loud, and I will keep a fast pace through here. Staff have already been sent ahead. I need you to trust me here, no matter what happens have faith that my team will handle it,” Chan watched his boys, their faces turned serious as they listened to you, even Lee Know was pulled into your instructions. Though he knew it was more so he knew Han and the rest would be alright. It had been a long time since he had felt so at ease with a set of security. Your attention to detail when it came to their safety was more than just a little refreshing. . When they were ready Chan let you know, he had faith in you. It was easy after you had shown such protective instincts with Changbin in America.

“Y/N, we’re ready,” you nodded as you guided your team into position With the added help of the airport staff Chan watched you work your magic. You had all of them line up single file as the security team surrounded them. Changbin took the front.

“If at any point you need one of us closer grab our shirts. We’ve got you,” you assured as you took your place at the back, Chan right in front of you. With a deep breath he followed the line you created with them. For once he felt like they could make it out of this with minimal damage. Wishful thinking, he knew it wasn’t going to be that easy as soon as they entered the airport lobby. From the second the doors opened he could hear STAY scream out for them. Lights flashed bright against his eyes. He was glad to have brought sunglasses with him. Chan let your team guide them up to the security entrance, beyond that they would be safe from the roaring crowd that surrounded them. Just feet away from the security gate his hopes were dashed. One of the barricades hadn’t been properly latched, in seconds it swiveled open, then toppled over by the overzealous fans eager to get closer to the boys. The loud sound drew the attention of the two men that were at Han and I.N.’s side. It created a gap, a gap that allowed STAY to get close, too close. In seconds Chan moved to protect the two younger members of his team. In the gap he could see two young women reach out to grab them, they snagged at Han’s clothes, aimed for I.N. 's hat. But before he even had the chance to set foot in front of the women. Before he could even use his own body to protect his boys, you were there. Right in front of the two young women. With gentle hands you guided them back to the barricade as the rest of your team tightened up around the boys.

“MOVE IT,” you barked over the noise of the room, and suddenly they were pushed forward to the security gates, each of them guided through the check and beyond the lobby. The silence that fell on them was deafening, Han was tucked into Lee Know’s side noise canceling headphones tucked tight over his ears. I.N. had shakily hidden himself against Hyunjin who also looked unnerved by the situation. So much had happened all at once Chan wasn’t quite sure where to begin. Truly he just wanted his boys to be okay. In seconds he moved to look after Han and I.N.

“Christopher Bang Chan,” all attention shifted to you, even his. After all, you just used his full name. But he couldn’t deal with whatever you had to say. Not when he saw Han’s shoulders hunch forward as Lee Know guided him down into a seat. The young man was clearly on the verge of an anxiety or even panic attack. He needed to make sure he was okay first then he’d face whatever you had to say.

“Hold on,” he added in a calm tone, body turned to Han.

“Sit. The. Fuck. Down,” oh, you weren’t going to take no for an answer. Chan turned to you his brows furrowed, the first thought that crossed his mind was how dare you speak to him like that. But then he saw you, shirt rumpled from what he assumed were fans. Eyebrows' downset eyes held a fiery gaze, one he did not question. Whatever retort he had died on his tongue as he sat in one of the chairs. “What the fuck was that?!?! Huh!! I explicitly remember telling you to trust me. That wasn’t trust Chan,”

“Y/N, I need to protect them,” he motioned to the boys as a defense.

“Sure, in the studio, on the stage, but here in this moment that is my fucking job. Out here I am your shield, I am your protection. I am the reason you will get from a to b safe and sound. Use me for the skills that I have. You put yourself into danger back there Chan!! Don’t ever do that again!! You said you trusted me, fucking prove it yah?? Let me do my goddamn job. Got. It??”

“Yes ma’am,” you were right, he interfered with your job. He put himself in harm's way. While he decided it was okay to do that, he was then quick to realize his decision could have made things so much worse for his members. That it had made things worse for you. He heard snickers from the other security members behind you, he felt whatever shame that settled into the pit of his stomach was deserved. That was until he watched you wheel around onto them.

“What the fuck are you all laughing at!! At least he had the balls to step up and protect his team. I will ask you the same thing I asked him,” Chan had to admit the way you took command of the room from your stance and voice alone was terrifying, having seen this side of you he vowed to never experience it again. “What the fuck was that?!?! I spent the last few months training you fools to be a near perfect team. But I can see now that you may not be up to the task. You left them wide open. You allowed those girls to get close. TOO CLOSE,” he wanted to ask you to not shout, for the sake of his boys but words wouldn’t form on his tongue, in awe as he watched the grown men in front of you, men near double your size cower before you. Not unlike he did when you scolded him. “You do not get another chance, if you want to be part of this team you will prove it to me in Japan. If you don't, the second the wheels touch down in Korea, you’re done. I have people more eager to prove themselves than you. So prove it to me you deserve to be on MY team. Got. it??” Silence fell upon the room, the same questions you asked him had been asked to your team, and they answered much like he did. After it was said and done your shoulders dropped with a deep heavy breath.

****

You ignored your team, and Chan as you stepped over to Han. You had felt bad for shouting when the young man was in obvious distress. But in order for your point to come across you felt it was necessary. Gently, as to not startle him you knelt in front of Han. Above you, you could practically feel Lee Know growl. You assumed he allowed you to get close under the guise of your job. For that you were grateful

“Han, can you breathe with me,” with Lee Know occupied keeping him upright, you used the space to help guide Han to slower breaths. You rested his hand over your collar bones, it allowed him to feel the full breaths you took. Slowly you guided him back to a gentler rhythm. “Good job,” you coaxed further until his watery eyes met yours. “I saw what happened, did you get hurt,” when he shook his head you released the breath you held. “That’s good. I am so sorry that happened to you Han. I failed you today, will you allow me the chance to prove myself to you,” you smiled when he tried to protest your failure, but his eager nod proved you had at least earned his trust in some capacity. “Thank you,” slowly you settled his hand back into his own lap and stood. “I’ll make sure you get water on the plane,” you nodded to Lee Know who nodded back. Progress, you hoped so. With that in mind you wandered to I.N. the young man was tucked into Hyinjin’s side, head buried in his shoulder. Seungmin was right beside him, hands settled into his hair as he coaxed him to stay calm.

“He’s okay,” the taller of the three remarked as you knelt down.

“I.N. are you hurt??” you asked anyway, you needed to hear it from him yourself. When he nodded you saw the older two become more alert. Calmly you looked at them to settle, the only way he’d say is if the room is calm. “Tell me where please,”

“They grabbed my hair,”

“Okay, may I look??” With permission you rounded the chairs to have a look at the youngests scalp. Nestled in the coarse thick hair you noticed a couple small scratches, and some bruising. “On the airplane I will personally get you an ice pack,” you stated before you moved around to report your findings to the three huddled boys. “Unfortunately I.N. I failed you today. Though small, I did find scratches on your scalp, and small bruises. I am so deeply sorry for my failure today. In my arrogance to have you trust me, you got injured. I promise, if you allow me to continue to I will do better, I will protect you,”

“No!! No!!,” at first you thought he was protesting your protection, part of you didn’t blame him. “Y/N you were amazing back there!! You did exactly what you were supposed to. Han and I came out mostly unscathed because you did an amazing job. And you managed to put our sometimes idiot for a leader in his place. Thank you, please keep protecting us,” you chuckled and nodded to him.

“If there's no objections, I’ll stay by your side. I will prove to you each and every day I am your shield,” when silence fell over the room you moved away your own nerves frayed from the experience. You sat in your own chair a decent space away from everyone.. It didn’t go unnoticed it seemed. Soon the seat beside you was filled. Changbin occupied the space next to you. His hands settled over yours as he lifted them. The slight tremble in your fingers had him frowning.

“I heard you scold my leader, your team, then check on Han, and I.N. But what I didn’t hear was, if you are okay??” you shifted your body to look at him, his hands were so warm against yours. It soothed the last little shake in your fingers.

“I am, thank you Changbin,”

TAG LIST:

Tag List: @taeminsung @maximumkillshot @feybin @alex--awesome--22 @liknws @palindrome969 @newbbystay @highlydestiny

[destroy-some-evil]

I saw @heretherebedork response to an ask about what non-BLs people should watch and the Sentinel came up as one everyone should watch. I completely agree and to see if in the year 2024 I can interest some more people to maybe give an old show from 1996 a chance - I have complied a bunch fic recs for people.

I actually got into the fandom by first reading LitGal's summary here back in the early 2000's after the show was off air, read a whole bunch of fanfic, and then watched it. There is also a Fanlore page here.

The Sentinel was Omegaverse before Omegaverse. I miss having the Sentinel AU in fandoms. It hits many of the same notes as Omegaverse but has a different beat. There is scenting, there is bonding, there is imprinting, depending on who's writing it - there is D/s just integrated into the way Sentinel and Guide behave with each other.

A lot of my old favorites are lost but a small selection of my favorite Sentinel fics and AUs:

Control Issues (186028 words) by LitGal Chapters: 3/3 Fandom: The Sentinel Rating: Explicit Warnings: Rape/Non-Con Relationships: Jim Ellison/Blair Sandburg Characters: Jim Ellison, Blair Sandburg, Simon Banks Additional Tags: Alternate Universe: Sentinels and Guides are Known Summary: In a world that knows, loves, respects, but doesn't trust its Sentinels, Jim is determined to hide his abilities. He won't submit to a guardian ad litem having custody of him in a legal system that ranks him on the same level as a child. He will not give up his control, not to anyone.

Guidelines: Beginnings (20238 words) by LitGal Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: The Sentinel Rating: General Audiences Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Characters: Blair Sandburg, Jim Ellison, Simon Banks Additional Tags: Sentinels are Known Series: Part 1 of Guidelines Summary: Jim is a sentinel who failed the U.S. Sentinel Program under questionable circumstances. Blair is the graduate student challenging the entire philosophy of the Sentinel Program in a world already nervous in the aftermath of terrorist attacks. The USSP would just like to see both men disappear. Unfortunately for them, neither Jim nor Blair is planning to give up easily.

(If LitGal wrote it, I'll read it. So I'll only rec these two from her but seriously just go through everything.)

Alpha and Omega By Panik & The Candied Yam

Roman!AU

Summary: Four years after the third Punic War, wounded Roman war hero, Geminius Virius Eleusis, finds his dull life of exile shaken by the arrival of an itinerant Greek labourer.

The First Sentinel (AKA The Ultimate Caveman!Jim Story) (1947 words) by elaine Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: The Sentinel Rating: Mature Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Jim Ellison/Blair Sandburg Additional Tags: Alternate Universes, Humor, Series, Fanon Series: Part 1 of Five Ways Jim and Blair Never Met in Past Lives Summary: The first sentinel claims his guide in spite of language difficulties and much misunderstanding.

A Dish of Lime-Vanilla Ice by Scribe

Summary: What if you met your true love at the end of their life, when yours was just beginning? 144K

(They are soulmates, Your Honor! Reincarnation!fic. This fic also lives rent free in my mind.)

Harbor of My Heart (82523 words) by Romslinger Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: The Sentinel Rating: Explicit Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: Jim Ellison/Blair Sandburg Additional Tags: Alternate Universes, Drama, First Times, Romance, AU, Angst Summary: An Alternate Universe novella where Jim remained in the Army and Blair made a much different career choice after a personal tragedy.

(also a kid!fic)

The Accidental Guide (14918 words) by 852_Prospect_Archivist Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: The Sentinel Rating: Explicit Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: Jim Ellison/Blair Sandburg Additional Tags: Alternate Universes, challenge, Drama, First Times, AU, Angst Summary: Jim wasn't looking for a guide, but then he met Blair Sandburg.

Destiny's Bond (40093 words) by 852_Prospect_Archivist Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: The Sentinel, Stargate SG-1 Rating: Explicit Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: Jim Ellison/Blair Sandburg Additional Tags: Crossovers: Other, Drama, AU Summary: While on a mission with SG-14, Dr. Blair Sandburg finds his destiny.

Jeeves and the Uncommon Senses (83211 words) by Mice Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Jeeves and Wooster, The Sentinel Rating: Explicit Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence Relationships: Bertie/Jeeves Characters: Bertram Wooster, Reginald Jeeves, Aunt Agatha, Aunt Dahlia, Bingo Little, Angela Travers, Tuppy Glossop, Oofy Prosser, Tom Travers, Claude Wooster, Eustace Wooster, OCs, Blair Sandburg Additional Tags: Angst, h/c, Alternate Universe - Sentinels Are Known, Spirit Animals, Sentinel/Guide Bonding, Mashup, Crossover, unexpected special guest stars, AU Summary: An accident triggers unexpected changes in Jeeves’s life -- and in Bertie’s.

Observations on Sentinels and Guides in Victorian London (89181 words) by RyuuzaKochou Chapters: 13/13 Fandom: Sherlock Holmes (2009), The Sentinel Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: Sherlock Holmes/John Watson Characters: Sherlock Holmes, John Watson, Lestrade (Inspector), Mrs. Hudson Additional Tags: Sentinel Senses, Sentinel/Guide Bonding, Action/Adventure, Hurt/Comfort, Awesome, Romance, Alternate Universe, Crossover, Alternate Universe - Fusion Summary: A Victorian era AU where Sentinels and Guides are members of everyday society. Starring Sentinel! Holmes and Guide! Watson.

Imperfections: Chicago by Dasha

Chapters: 3/3

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Characters: Constable Benton Fraser, Constable Margaret Thatcher, Detective Raymond Vecchio, Detective Stanley Raymond Kowalski, Sgt. Robert Fraser [ghost]

Additional Tags: AU

Summary: Who tracks a wolf 30 blocks through downtown Chicago? That's just not normal...

I also used to have a bunch of Stargate Atlantis with John as the Sentinel and Rodney as the guide. It was a series by ladyholder on livejournal including the The Unlikely Guide and The Unwilling Sentinel. Just adding at the end in case anyone has links to them.