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mypoisonedvine · 2 years

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𝙗𝙡𝙤𝙨𝙨𝙤𝙢 || dieter bravo x camgirl!reader (part three; finale)

read 𝙗𝙤𝙪𝙦𝙪𝙚𝙩 (part one) and 𝙗𝙡𝙤𝙤𝙢 (part two) first!

𝙨𝙪𝙢𝙢𝙖𝙧𝙮 || he can't believe you're really here— now he has to just try not to blow it... figuratively speaking.

𝙬𝙤𝙧𝙙 𝙘𝙤𝙪𝙣𝙩 || 5.7k

𝙬𝙖𝙧𝙣𝙞𝙣𝙜𝙨 || smut (18+ only; unprotected sex, oral f receiving, multiple orgasms/overstimulation [for reader], creampie), sex work (however dieter technically does not pay the reader for sex, just her flight to visit him c:), mentions of covid-19 pandemic, soft dieter being soft, emotions!! lots of 'em!, extremely sappy/fluffy ending (oops?)

He wasn’t sure who he was more worried would get recognized: you, or himself.

It was his idea to go out to dinner first, in fact he’d insisted on it. Going out to dinner in times like these was a bit iffy, but thankfully the place had outdoor dining and you’d both already tested negative— for more than just the virus…

It was a beautiful evening to eat outside, but it made him even more anxious that any passerby might know him either of you from your respective works; so far, no one had said anything though.

As he watched you take a sip of your sparkling water, he realized that he hadn’t had a crush on anyone in a long, long time. He hadn’t had sweating palms and a racing heart and a dry throat over someone since probably high school. By the time he was in his BFA program, he was so focused on his craft that he didn’t find himself worrying much about that sort of stuff— and if he wanted to get someone into bed, it didn’t seem like much to stress over.

This was different. This wasn’t an issue of getting you to sleep with him, although he certainly hoped you wouldn’t renege on the intentions you’d stated before— this was about getting you to like him, maybe even (as he would’ve put it back when he last had a crush) ‘like like’ him.

“Was your flight okay?” Dieter asked compulsively to fill the silence, proud of himself for thinking of something to say.

“Still good,” you nodded. “You asked me that when we first got here.”

“Right,” he sighed, “sorry. I forgot.”

“It’s fine,” you laughed, setting your glass down on the white tablecloth. “I’m nervous, too. But in a good way.”

He smiled. “Yeah— I’m just really excited that you’re here. And it’s still kind of weirding me out that you’re… you know, real.”

“It’s definitely trippy,” you agreed. “When you see somebody over video chat a lot, they look sort of surreal in real life.”

“Are you… speaking from experience?” he wondered, lowering his voice a bit.

“Yeah— but not this kind of experience,” you clarified. “I’ve never met anyone from my work before— I told you that.”

“Right, yeah— I believe you,” he assured. “Have you ever flown overseas just to meet someone before?”

You laughed, looking down for a second. “No, I haven’t,” you answered, “but this isn’t the first time I’ve been, you know, wined and dined by somebody…”

“Well, I figured this wasn’t your first date,” Dieter scoffed.

“No, I mean— well, yeah,” you hummed, “but I, um… before I started camming, I was actually a sugar baby. So I’ve had my flights paid for before, is what I mean.”

He widened his eyes a little, but nodded— hoping to look more intrigued than overwhelmed. “Oh, wow, that’s— I don’t know a lot about that, honestly…”

“I was about to ask if you’d ever had a sugar baby before,” you smirked, “guess not.”

“Yeah, no,” he shook his head, “not my— not for me. Not before, I mean— is that what you want?”

He got a little nervous that you would only want that— a relationship built on money. He was more than happy to drop some cash on you— he’d offered to pay for everything for you on this trip, it only seemed fair when you had to come all this way— but he got a sick feeling in his stomach imagining that that was all you wanted from him.

But then again, he just said he didn’t know a lot about it, maybe it wasn’t like that… he just felt like it was another performance, and that was the last thing he needed from anybody.

“O-oh, no— not with us,” you answered quickly, blinking a few times, and he sighed with relief. “I mean, it was nice— it wasn’t all old guys and crazy finance douchebags like people think,” you explained with a laugh, “but it was… it was hard work, in its own way. ‘Cause another misconception is that it’s sex in exchange for money and gifts— it’s not, not the way I did it at least. Those guys wanted the ‘girlfriend experience’... that’s the most profitable thing, whether it’s online or in-person.”

Dieter cleared his throat; can’t blame them, I guess…

“But, you know, they didn’t have the time for a genuine relationship, so it was like giving that emotion but never receiving it,” you continued, “and that was exhausting. Not to mention most of them had other girls involved… I’m not a jealous person, but you know, that’s obviously not what I want for myself in the end. So I switched to camming, worked out well with the pandemic and everything…”

“I’m sure,” Dieter agreed. “So, um… maybe this is kind of a forward question, for a first date, but… what do you want for yourself in the end?”

You seemed to get a little more shy, then. “Well…” you began softly. “Despite what you’ve seen me do, I’m a pretty traditional girl. I want a serious relationship, I want a lifelong commitment, I want… a family, probably.”

It was hard not to feel a lump in his throat when you said that, even if his emotions were conflicted at best.

“I mean— that doesn’t have to be you,” you rushed out, “I’m just saying… that’s the end goal. I have a lot of time for that, in my opinion.”

“No, right,” he agreed. “So then, I guess the obvious question— and probably a much easier one— is what’s your goal for tonight?”

You raised an eyebrow. “I already told you my goal for tonight.”

He swallowed thickly. He remembered your last message before getting on the plane pretty clearly: boarding now. hopefully i can get some sleep but i’m pretty wired ngl. just thinking about getting there and jumping your bones. i want you to fuck me so hard i can’t walk (or think) straight.

“Honestly, I wouldn’t have minded at all if you just took me straight to the hotel,” you smirked, “but dinner is nice.”

“Yeah, I— I thought about it,” he admitted. “But… can I be honest?”

“Always.”

“I wanted this to be more than just… that,” he said. He wasn’t sure if it was a good idea to tell you, but he hoped it wouldn’t bother you too much. Thankfully, the gentle smile creeping up your face seemed to indicate that it wasn’t particularly offensive.

“So, what do you want this to be?” you pressed.

“We can figure that out as we go,” he offered, “we should get to know each other better— for real. But that night that we stayed up until three just talking after what was supposed to be a one-hour call—”

He saw you smile even wider as you remembered it.

“I haven’t felt close to anyone like that in—” he began, but it all stopped as the waiter suddenly appeared from thin air.

“Your tortellini, ma’am,” he said as he set your plate down in front of you, and you offered an intrigued ‘ooh’ as you examined the dish, “and your langoustines alla busara,” he finished as he set Dieter’s food down.

“Thank you,” you offered the server with a polite nod, but Dieter could only muster a hum— he was a little miffed that the guy had managed to interrupt such an important moment.

“Anything else I can get for you two?” he asked, looking back and forth.

You looked over at him to check first, before shaking your head and replying, “No, I think we’re alright.”

“Excellent,” he beamed. “And— can I just say one thing?”

You both paused, not sure what to make of that. “Uh, sure,” Dieter decided, since the waiter seemed to be looking at him.

“I loved you in Hunger Strike,” he said excitedly; Dieter tensed up, wanting to look at you to gauge your reaction but suddenly too afraid of what he’d find.

“Oh, thank you,” he mumbled out, “that… means a lot.”

“I mean, it really moved me,” the waiter insisted, even though Dieter just wanted this interaction to end promptly. “You were so— I’m really not trying to intrude, but is there any way I can get your autograph?”

Then he looked at you, and he couldn’t quite read the expression on your face— amusement, maybe, with a hefty dose of discomfort as well. You looked away and took a long sip of your drink. “Uhh,” Dieter choked, looking back at his adoring fan, “you’ll get my autograph when you bring the check.”

Seeming to realize that he had gone too far, the young man straightened up and cleared his throat. “Right, uh— enjoy your meal.”

Scampering away, he left the both of you behind, along with all that tension he’d created. How come he got a escape a situation that was his own fault, and Dieter was stuck here wondering if you would be upset that he didn’t tell you who he really was— or if you’d reveal you were a crazy stalker-fan the whole time— or if knowing he was famous would change your interest in being with him (if you even had any)?

“I’m… sorry about that,” Dieter finally offered to you, and you started to smile.

“Don’t be,” you chuckled, “it was kinda funny. Do you usually react so… badly, to that kind of thing?”

He coughed a bit. “No, I— are you not…? Do you know—?”

“I saw the movie, Hector, I don’t live under a rock,” you admitted.

“Oh.” Not sure what to say next, he blurted out the first thing that came to mind: “What did you think of it?”

Shrugging, you answered with a simple ‘eh’. There was a pause before he began to crack up— and then you did, too.

“So, I’ve been worrying about all you finding out about my career for nothing?” he assumed, and you nodded.

“I didn’t recognize you right away,” you explained, “but I put it together before we planned all this.”

“Why didn’t you say anything?” he wondered.

“I mean, I didn’t think I needed to, really,” you shrugged again. “It’s just your job. I was ready to talk about it if you brought it up— if you wanted to vent about work or something— but you never did, so I figured it must not be relevant.”

“Does it… change anything between us?” he asked nervously. “Do you feel weird about going out with a movie star?”

“Mm, I don’t know about star…” you smirked, making him laugh again— and that was the part that was the same as always. You still made him laugh, and now that the two of you were really talking again, it felt just like that night that you talked for hours— but even better.

When the plates were cleaned and the bill was paid, the two of you walked back to his hotel— he’d picked this place in part because he could see it from his window. But that brief walk back was one of his favorite parts of the night so far, only because he’d slipped his arm around you, and you leaned into him: in that moment, he felt more normal than he had in a long time— and yet, at the same time, special in a way he’d never felt before.

“I tried to clean up in here, but—”

“Isn’t there housekeeping for that?” you wondered.

“Yeah, but… I’ve had the ‘do not disturb’ sign up for the past week,” Dieter explained. “Didn’t want anyone to come in while we were talking…”

“Right,” you smiled, finishing your examination of the room and turning to face him again. The door shut on its own; you were looking at him with every light in the room reflected in your eyes.

He stepped closer to you, and wrapped his arms around you, and— why were his palms so clammy? “I don’t think I’ve been this nervous to kiss someone since… since maybe my first ever kiss,” he recalled, and you laughed softly.

“Yeah, me either,” you whispered back, and he ran his hand over the curve of your hip. “Who was your first kiss?”

“Uh, Sandy something… Brendan, I think— no, Brennan… Sandy Brennan. We sat next to each other in History class in seventh grade,” he recalled. “What about you?”

“I mean, unless you count a peck or two from my kindergarten boyfriend,” you chuckled, “my first real kiss wasn’t until high school— Gregory Cho. But I wasn’t that nervous… actually, I was sort of ready to get it over with.”

“There was someone I was really nervous to kiss in high school, too,” he recalled, “but that was… different.”

“Who was it?”

That name was much easier to recall. “Alex Brooks.”

“Was she super pretty? Or popular?” you pressed, wondering what had him so nervous, what made it different.

“Both,” Dieter replied quickly. “And… he was captain of the basketball team.”

You didn’t react strongly, but he still noticed it.

“Is that—?” he began to ask.

“He sounds like a real catch,” you smiled. “Was he a good kisser?”

“Yeah,” Dieter laughed, “for a high schooler. I guess things don’t feel as special now as they did back then— just some decent making-out in someone’s dad’s truck was the coolest thing, now it’s like— it’s all right there, you don’t have to…” he trailed off, but started a new sentence. “I mean, even you— I’ve seen every part of you, but I just really met you for the first time. And somehow I’m so afraid to kiss you.”

You were still smiling, but it changed, and you reached up to rest your hand on the back of his neck; it made him shiver in the best way. “If you’re afraid, then it must still be pretty special.”

You kissed him, after all that; he would’ve felt bad for making you wait, if he wasn’t so fully engrossed in kissing you back and pulling you closer and breathing in deeply against your skin.

For a long time, that was all it was— just one, amazing kiss. Just his lips on yours and the gentle dance of trying to go further without going to far; just your hands holding tightly onto his shoulders as he gripped your waist through the dress.

You started to pull him across the room by his shirt— towards the bed— and broke away to speak; he tried to chase your lips for more, but stopped when you bit your lip and rested a finger on his chin.

“You haven’t seen every part of me,” you corrected him— even though he barely fucking remembered saying that after a kiss like that. “I mean, my body, sure, but… not who I really am.”

“Then show me that,” he pleaded. “That’s what I want— you, everything.”

You smiled wide and kissed him again, the two of you toppling onto the bed together.

He’d been thinking about doing this since the moment he saw you: pulling up the bottom of your dress so he could pet your thighs, enamored with the smoothness of your skin. “Baby,” he purred when he caught sight of your panties— what little there was of them. The lace just gave him a glimpse of what was beneath, a tease of your perfect little cunt.

“God, I need you so bad,” you groaned as you pulled him down for another kiss; he’d been hard since you wrapped your arms around him, and he could swear he was already throbbing by the time he rocked his hips against yours. “Fuck— feels even bigger than it looked…”

“Maybe your computer screen wasn’t big enough,” he joked, making you laugh lightly before another moan came out when he rocked down on you again. “What do you want, beautiful?”

“You… you know what I want…” you panted, wrapping your legs around his waist.

“Humor me,” he encouraged, moving in to kiss your neck— and loving the way you squirmed under him.

“Want— want you to fuck me,” you whimpered, “want you to make me— fuck— yours…”

He groaned deeply as he rutted his hips into yours harder, finally taunting you to the point that you had to reach down and start opening his pants. “So eager,” he mocked playfully, as if he wasn’t going to ravage you the second you were done getting his cock out.

In fact, he almost tore your dress as he pulled it down to expose your chest, barely finding the time to appreciate the view of your tits before latching his mouth onto them. “Oh fuck,” you gasped, and he smiled around the pert nipple in his mouth; these had seemed sensitive from the way you toyed with them as you touched yourself, but it was heaven on earth to confirm his suspicion himself.

“Want me to make you mine?” he prompted again, voice muffled by your delicate skin in his mouth, and you whimpered as you nodded.

“Yes— please—” you begged.

“Not sure I can do that,” he warned, and you gave him a confused look. “You’re already mine, you told me yourself.”

You giggled, arching your back slightly as the tip of his tongue drew circles on you. "I did say that, didn't I?"

"Mhm," he confirmed. "Hard to forget."

"Well, m'still yours," you offered, "but I need you right now, I'll do— fuck, anything, just—"

"You don't need to do anything," he assured, looking up at you as he moved his mouth from your breast down a little lower, "just lay back and I'm gonna take care of you."

You bit your lip and nodded.

"Second I saw you I wanted to kiss you all over," he sighed.

"Well, I've got a couple ideas of where you can start," you smirked.

And yes, he would love to start there, but he needed to do his best not to rush this. So, smiling up at you first, he began his journey. His lips and tongue explored your body on his way down: a kiss here, a lick there, a playful bite when he felt extra naughty. "You're so fucking beautiful," he mumbled against you.

"Yeah? You too," you sighed.

He didn't think of himself like that— handsome, maybe, certainly aware of his better angles, but beautiful felt strange. But he liked it, especially when you said it. Especially when you said it while he was slotting his face between your legs.

It was even prettier up close, and the smell was fucking intoxicating: tangy and musky and sweet, heady, earthy, human. And he knew you'd taste even better.

So he dove right in. Maybe he should've started with your clit, that would've been the obvious choice, but his instincts led him to just slide his tongue right into your hole. If nothing else, it certainly seemed to take you off guard, and you gasped as you grabbed onto his hair with both hands.

"Baby, fuck, that's— oh god, you can't imagine how many times I thought of this," you admitted, breathing heavy already. He smiled against you, then gave you one big lick from the furthest down his tongue could reach all the way to the very top— all while holding fierce eye contact with you. "Fu-uuuuck," you choked, dropping your head back just as your eyes rolled up. "That's so… just do that again, please…"

He did it a few more times, noticing the way you seemed to get more impatient with each one, until your hips were chasing after his tongue. "Stay still, baby, don't you trust me to do this right?" he purred, holding tighter on your hips.

"Yeah, I just— been so long," you whimpered.

He just did his best to find what made you scream the loudest and keep doing that— you were so sensitive, he just had to press his tongue down flat on your clit and move it in circles and you’d start shaking and sobbing and begging. He moaned into you every time you tugged on his hair, having to rock his hips against the bed to appease his attention-deprived cock.

"You're… so amazing," you panted, "I— fuck! Oh god, I can't remember the last time someone—"

You never finished your thought, because he started fucking you with his tongue and you were too busy moaning his name, but he couldn't believe what a waste it was that nobody was eating this pussy on a regular basis.

"Gonna— oh fuck, yes, gonna come," you warned, "I… I'm gonna come so fucking hard…"

You started shaking, and he started fighting to keep you as still as he could so his work wouldn't be interrupted. For a second he wondered if you were already coming or not— but then you made this noise, and your cunt clamped down on his tongue, and you cried out his name; it was perfect, it was the most beautiful moment he could ever imagine.

When it became too much, you went from tugging his hair to pushing him away with it, and he grinned up at you with a breathy laugh. “Fuck, baby,” you whimpered, and he saw the tear streaks on your temples and cheeks. He traced one with his thumb before kissing you again— deep and hungry, letting you taste yourself on his tongue.

He hummed when your hands reached down to work on getting his pants off— eager and shaky, he certainly related to that. As soon as your hand wrapped around his cock, he moaned, just from that. He was almost embarrassed about it, until you bit his lip in playful encouragement. "Does that feel good?" you purred.

"Yeah— your hands are better than mine," he laughed breathlessly.

"How about this?" you raised an eyebrow, swiping your thumb over his slit, and he groaned as he rocked into your touch.

"God, baby…" he groaned. As good as it felt, he found the strength to grab you by both your wrists and pin them down by your head. You grinned, struggling just a bit, and moaned as he slid his cock against your soaking pussy.

“Don’t tease me,” you begged, “feels like I’ve been waiting forever.”

But he wasn’t teasing you— he was psyching himself up.

Believe it or not, he actually felt pretty nervous about this part. Not for a lack of experience— for the entirely opposite reason. Dieter had been with a lot of people, and for the most part, it was all… the same. It all blended together— he only remembered those people from when he was a kid because he was a kid, and his romantic encounters were so few and far between. He could remember details of his various partners from the last few years— Crystal who had a clit piercing, Marvin who begged to be choked, Cameron who seemed to enjoy giving him a blowjob even more than he enjoyed receiving it— but this, the actual sex, it was generally pretty interchangeable.

So, he was worried that after all that build-up, after all the yearning and fantasizing and talking, that this would be the end of it being special— and you would just turn into a hook-up with a slightly more interesting backstory than the rest.

As valid as that fear was, it was far from enough to stop him now, not when you were looking up at him and tightening your fists as he kept you pinned and silently begging for him with your eyes.

He had to let go of one of your hands to guide himself inside, but he interlaced the other with your fingers while he did it— and then, with one strong push, he was fully within you.

“Oh my god,” he gasped, “you feel… different.”

You raised an eyebrow, chuckling a little. “Uh, different than what?”

Than everyone else. “I— I don’t know,” he breathed, “I’m not making sense.”

“Not really,” you agreed with a laugh.

“Hard to think straight right now,” he defended.

It wasn’t just that you felt different— it was that this felt different: being with someone he really cared about, that he wanted to impress, that he wanted to see after this was over.

Someone that he never wanted to let go of.

“You feel so fucking perfect,” you whimpered, “fuck, don’t stop— feels so good—”

One of the benefits of making you come on his tongue first was that he knew it wouldn't be that bad if he didn't last too long now— though that wasn't why he did it. In fact, this was rarely his issue, if anything sometimes he struggled to finish for unclear reasons.

But even if he could get away with finishing quickly, he wanted to make this last as long as he could. He never wanted this to end, actually.

As he found his pace— not too speedy yet, but with a bit of his eagerness showing— he kissed you again, deeply and hungrily. He wondered if he'd ever done this before: kissing during sex. He felt like he probably had, and yet he couldn't remember it— maybe that said more than anything.

This, on the other hand, was very memorable. He slid his arms under you when your back arched, he held you tight and close and drank in every one of your moans through that kiss.

For how many times he’d pictured fucking you, he never really imagined it like this… and he thought he’d imagined it every way before. But he realized that he’d mostly imagined it a bit kinker— you riding him, or him fucking you while you were bent over the table in his room, or 69’ing or something. This was passionate, and sorta slow; this was his hips grinding on yours with every thrust so he could keep rubbing your sore clit; this was making love, he realized— if it wasn’t, he couldn’t imagine what was.

“I— fuck, baby— think I’m gonna come again,” you warned him with the most beautiful whiny sob.

“Fuck, already?” he smiled, and you nodded feverishly.

“Just… don’t stop, please, just like that— fuuuuck!” you choked, and he gasped every time your walls clenched down on him.

“You’re so fucking perfect, fuck,” he grunted, moving a bit faster and not letting up on the pressure from his pubic bone on your clit, even when you actually screamed under him. “You’re so amazing, oh god, I—”

He heard it before he said it: I think I love you. He stopped himself before blurting it out— maybe he’d tell you after, but he wasn’t so far gone to forget that this wasn’t the right time. You’d think he didn’t really mean it, that it was just the delirium talking from how incredible you felt, but he knew it was so much more than that.

He shut himself up by kissing your neck— not too hard, but plenty to leave a mark, and make you squirm in the process. Your hands wrapped around his back and your nails dug into his skin, but he couldn’t even feel the pain of it, he couldn’t feel anything but the sticky, resplendent heat of your body.

“So much fucking better than the goddamn dildos,” you said suddenly, and he laughed against your skin.

“Do you miss all those people watching you come?” he wondered.

“No, fuck no,” you panted, “there’s nobody else but you.”

He couldn’t help but fuck you faster when you said that— you should’ve known better than to stroke his ego that way.

“Fuck!” you sobbed. “Hector, baby, you’re so— oh god, I don’t know if I can take it—”

“Shh, you can,” he promised, “you can do anything, you can come for me again—”

“Oh fuck, I— I might,” you admitted shakily, “but then I’ll— I’ll fucking pass out or something.”

“No, you’ll be okay,” he promised, cooing at you softly. “You’ll be so good for me, I know you will— just come for me one more time, baby, tell me what you need to come again.”

“I… just a little time is all I need,” you answered, voice breaking. “I swear I’ve never— I’m not usually so— fuck, it’s just you—”

“I know,” he assured, loving the way you babbled praises but worried it would distract you from coming again; and if you didn’t soon, there wouldn’t be time before he lost it. He was already barely able to keep his composure just from how beautiful you looked like this, let alone how you felt. “I know, just let it happen, I know it’s right there for me— just come for me, beautiful—”

You dragged him down into a sloppy kiss, and he felt it— those incredible pulses inside you, waves of slick coating him until he felt sticky all the way down his thighs; your sobs were more precious than anything he’d ever heard.

“Fuck, that’s good,” he praised, fucking you even faster now as your head fell back limply. “I can’t h-hold back anymore, I need to—”

“I know,” you said to him this time, “it’s okay, please— want you to…”

“You still— oh my god…” he choked, losing his train of thought for a moment. “You still want me to come inside you? Wanna be full?”

“Yes,” you whined, “yes, baby, please— wanna be so full of your come, I want everything—”

"Fuck, okay," he agreed, gasping as he tried to keep up his pace despite the growing pressure inside. "I'm really fucking close…”

“I’m yours,” you told him again— and then he went from ‘really fucking close’ to ‘already fucking there’. He came inside you with a long, whimpered groan; his head dropped onto your shoulder while each pump filled you, trying to catch his breath but feeling like he’d never find it again.

Admitting he loved you during sex wasn’t a good idea, but saying it immediately after wasn’t that much of an improvement. Now, though, he was too exhausted to keep his mouth shut. “I think I love you,” he blurted out suddenly.

For one incredibly long second, you didn’t react at all. You looked up at him, and he hesitated to even look back because he didn’t want to see anything less than ecstasy on your face. “Oh,” you said, “cool.”

He wasn’t sure what reaction he anticipated, good or bad, but it wasn’t that.

“Let me know when you know,” you suggested.

“No! No— I know,” he insisted, reaching up to hold your face, “I know. I love you. I think I did even before you came here, but… it just seemed so crazy. We don’t know each other as well as we should for that, right? But I feel it— I feel something that I just can’t explain—”

“Hey, slow down,” you laughed, “I feel it too.”

The way you smiled at him, resting your hand on his chest— was he glowing? He felt like he was actually glowing. “Good,” he decided.

“Let’s get to know each other better, then,” you announced. “Start from the beginning, the whole thing: parents, siblings, school, favorite movies, worst dates, hot dogs or hamburgers—”

“No, you start,” he pouted, “you’re more interesting.”

“Me? Please, I’m just your average camgirl titty streamer, don’t worry about it,” you scoffed.

“And I’m just some lame old Oscar winner,” he shrugged.

But both of you talked— all night, actually. You never fell asleep, he was never even that tired— you kept him so full of energy he didn’t even notice how long it had been until the sun started to come up. And then you kept talking at breakfast. And then you fucked again, and talked some more after; he knew it had to end, eventually, but he didn’t even want to think about it. He didn’t want to think about you going home and letting something so perfect end.

He told you just as much on the last night— assuming you didn’t switch your flight home to a later day again. You’d just been laying in his arms after another bout of passionately desperate fucking, both of you half-asleep but not wanting the separation of even just unconsciousness, and he blurted it out.

“Don’t leave,” he pleaded under his breath. “I don’t want you to go.”

“I know you don’t,” you returned softly.

“I don’t want this to end.”

You were quiet for a while, turning over on your side to face him, tracing your fingers over his chest gently. “It doesn’t have to end, just because I leave,” you mumbled. “I know it’s crazy, but we can be together, even if we’re not… together. I mean, I’m certainly not gonna be with anybody else—”

“Me either,” he said quickly, before he could change his own mind with the doubts— the voice in his head that said he could never settle down because he’s too fucked up. “I only want you.”

“It’ll suck, being far away from each other— but you’ll be back Stateside eventually, right?” you assumed.

“God, I hope so,” he sighed, “if the world doesn’t end.”

“If it does,” you whispered, moving in closer, “I hope it’s tonight. I wouldn’t wanna be anywhere else but here.”

It was a romantic thought, but as he kissed you, he realized he’d never wanted the world to end less than he did right now. He never longed for an apocalypse or anything, even on nights that his doubts and anxieties made him yearn for oblivion just for himself, but just now he could’ve cried thinking about everything falling apart tonight. Whether it be by fiery explosion or a quiet, instant disappearance, he couldn’t let armageddon happen now— now that he had you. For the first time, he saw himself having a future, in a way he never had before. Existing as a ‘celebrity’ meant being on the edge of irrelevance at any moment, knowing this could all go away overnight and you’d just be ‘that guy who was in that thing that one time’.

But this time, he stood on a precipice of something wonderful, of something natural, and it was the most beautifully terrifying unknown. It was tomorrow. Tomorrow, you’d get on the plane; tomorrow, you’d leave, because the world wasn’t going to end tonight. But his life was going to start tonight, and he didn’t have to face it alone anymore.

#dieter bravo x reader #dieter bravo smut #dieter bravo x you #dieter bravo x y/n #dieter bravo x female reader #pedro pascal fanfiction #pedro pascal x reader #pedro pascal smut

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brf-rumortrackinganon · 3 months

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So Hazz being ‘stunned’ about the backlash to the Pat Tillman award, reminds me of his shock at the ‘frosty’ reception he received at Prince Philip’s funeral. How on earth does he think letting his ‘feelings’ loose via the much hated media will improve the situation is beyond me. I can’t even remember why announcement the winning of the award was done so early, but more than probably RF related. Is it a case of keeping digging to get out of the hole or a massive PR plan that’s going over my head?

Harry wants attention and legitimacy in the US. He thought being a British prince and Diana’s son was enough to make us love and respect him (like it sort of did in the UK) but it didn’t happen.

So now he’s scrambling. Except he’s been scrambling since March 2020 when Edward Young and the BRF called his bluff on half in/half out. Let’s review.

January 2020: He demanded half in/half out and they all laughed at him.

March 2020: Harry signed with the Harry Walker Agency to be a speaker on their lecture/hotel dinner circuit. He gave like two or three speeches to pathetic reception and then gave up.

April 2020: Harry became a mental health advocate during the COVID pandemic and crisis, making comments like he didn’t understand how people living in high-rise apartments could cope without having a green space and that everyone needed some kind of green space for their sanity (yeah, no shit, Sherlock. That’s why COVID was also an enormous mental health crisis.) and encouraging everyone to become certified mental health counselors if they’re bored.

Summer 2020: Harry uses Diana’s memory to justify invading an elementary school with a camera crew during peak summer COVID cycle to plant forget-me-nots. Everyone pops off and it’s clear the backlash stunned the Sussexes.

Fall 2020: The Sussexes rebrand to become misinformation activists.

Winter 2020/2021: The Sussexes rebrand to the Emancipation of Meghan Markle. Philip dies. Harry rebrands to Hero Harry by demanding to wear his military uniform, resulting in no one wearing their military uniforms. He also pivots back to William's Best Brother at the funeral by ignoring the actual arrangements to walk alongside William (as opposed to behind him; Peter was supposed to walk next to William).

Summer 2021: Meghan wants world domination and the Sussexes rebrand to become humanitarian ambassadors.

Fall 2021: Harry rebrands to become a hairdresser global vax advocate. He and Meghan become the figurehead for the Vax Live concert.

December 2021: Harry pivots back to Diana and says his work with COVID is as groundbreaking as her work with HIV/AIDS patients.

February 2022: Harry rebrands as a dude who watches American football by going to the Superbowl and looking bored af.

March 2022: Harry and Meghan buy a new NAACP award for themselves for all the work they did fighting unconscious bias and racism in the BRF.

Spring 2022: Harry goes back to being Hero Harry with The Hague Invictus Games. He pivots back to being a royal when he attends the Platinum Jubilee with Meghan.

Summer 2022: The Emancipation of Meghan Markle continues and Harry re-rebrands as a humanitarian activist, giving an unpassionate speech to a mostly-empty conference room at the United Nations. Unfortunately The Queen dies and Harry gets to pivot back again to being a royal. He gets thrown a Hero Harry PR bone when he's allowed to wear his uniform to the Grandchildren's Vigil and gets to stand behind William and Kate in the procession.

Fall 2022: The Emancipation of Prince Harry's Unconscious Bias begins, with critically-reviled Netflix docuseries.

January 2023: Harry pivots back to Diana and picks up her mantle to destroy Charles and the BRF. He takes it a step further by going after William, when everyone knows Diana only wanted to destroy Charles to put William in his rightful place as soon as possible.

Winter/Spring 2023: Harry abandons his "I hate my family, they're evil" rebrand to go back into the royal fold by attending Charles's coronation.

May 2023: Harry pivots back to Diana by claiming a near-death chase by paparazzi on the busy streets of downtown Manhattan. Damn, if only there was a white fiat instead of witnesses.

Summer 2023: Harry pivots back to his Hero Harry at the Dusseldorf Invictus Games. He also becomes Polo Harry and becomes #husbandgoals when he joins Meghan at a Beyonce concert and looks bored out of his mind.

Fall 2023: Harry pivots back to mental health when he joins Meghan for a panel with Carson Daly on the dangers of social media.

Winter 2023: Harry rebrands as Hero Harry and purchases the Living Legend in Aviation Award for himself, while accusing John Travolta of dining out on his mother. Harry pivots to Hollywood and goes to Jamaica for a movie premiere.

Spring 2024: Harry goes back to Hero Harry and Invictus Games. Harry also pivots back to being a British royal prince with a very misguided tour of Nigeria.

Summer 2024: Hero Harry continues and he purchases the Pat Tillman ESPY.

Look at all the times Harry changed tactics. He can't stick with something long enough to make an impact because he - like his wife - is so impatient for validation. He just wants to be loved! Why won't they love him?! "That's okay," crones Meghan in her soothing Southern California vocal fry as she rocks her toddler husband to calm him out of his anxiety spiral (because she's the only one allowed to collapse in a heap on the floor). "Hush little baby don't you cry. Mama's going to buy you valor and honor."

And that cheers Harry up because Americans like gold (after all, we're the land of 'everyone gets a participation trophy,' Olympic gold medals, and world domination). If we see how many gold trophies and awards he has, then we'll respect him the same way the British public respected and adored him for his titles.

But that's their mistake. They've missed the fundamental realization that Americans don't care about titles and awards. We value action, deeds, follow-through, promises made and promises kept. That's the backlash (and the cause and effect, to quote an earlier post I made) that Harry keeps getting. He doesn't understand that we're a pull-yourself-up-by-the-bootstraps-and-don't-complain-how-hard-it-is-just-do-it nation of rebels and troublemakers. We're not going to sit idly by and watch a rich foreigner - from the monarchy that we booted in the first place - wax poetic on our national problems and pat himself on the back for buying awards that make him feel like he's fixed all our problems.

Not when there's real people doing the actual work whose credit he keeps stealing to buy those awards in the first place.

Anyway. I don't remember what my point was...

Oh, right. This is just Harry trying to find value and relevance here in the US. Everything else - Diana, COVID, misinformation, mental health, Hollywood, Meghan, racism and unconscious bias, British prince - sinks faster than he can claim he never got swimming lessons even though William was personally trained on how not to drown by David Hasselhoff and Pamela Anderson themselves (or whatever his pathetic excuse is. Hero Harry and the veterans is the only thing Harry has left that people pay attention to, and the media is only paying attention to that because Meghan buys them to cover her during all of the Invictus events.

So very long rant short, Harry keeps defaulting back to Invictus Games because it's the only thing that *works* for him. It's the only thing he has left that ties him to the life he used to know (globally adored and nationally beloved British royal soldier). He's going to hold onto it harder, faster, and more angrily than a toddler holding on to something they're not supposed to have.

#brf #sussexes #invictus games

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lukeywritesstuff · 9 months

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jack being in love with quinn’s best friend and maybe he finally gets the girl

Brothers Best Friend

Jack Hughes x Reader, Quinn Hughes x Platonic!Reader

Description: Mr. Jack Rowden is in love with his older brothers life long best friend.

Note: Jacks pov because sometimes I just like writing male pov. Also if I miss any ndtp boys ignore it there’s too many for me to remember them all 😍😍😍.

Warnings: fluff, angst, cursing, brotherly banter and fights, underage drinking, no Covid off scene sex.

Ever since we were kids Quinn has had this best friend, Y/N, ever since they met in like 2011 they’ve been best friends. They met when our babysitter brought Quinn, Luke and I to a park and since then the girls spent every day at our house after school, and since about 2014, I’ve been borderline in love with her. Her hair, her eyes, her smile, her body, her style, everything. Even things that have changed over the years due to growth and experimentation with fashion. I love it all. And yes I know. She doesn’t do it for me or any other men. But it still makes me happy to see her so confident and happy.

:-:-:-:

Fast forward to 2020, Quinn and I just bought our lake house, and us, Luke, Trevor, Cole, Matt, Alex, and Y/N have been here for a week. Since the season for us just ended we’ve just been relaxing and resting before we get partying and having fun.

The first weeks of summer consisted of me hanging out with the ndtp guys of my year, Luke with some of his friends and Quinn with Y/N, Brady and Josh. Then when we all got more comfortable within the living situations we started by bringing in alcohol and starting smaller parties with Luke only being 17 sometimes we’ll send him to our parents for a weekend because yeah I’m underage too but partying at 19 is better than partying at 17. At least I’m legal in SOME countries nearby and a legal adult too so I’m responsible for myself.

The first few parties were quite uneventful, until we decided to actually incorporate the lake and have a ‘lake party’ instead of a ‘pool party’ so when everyone showed up in swimsuits, it turned into a horny haven. This wasn’t the first time I saw Y/N in a bikini, but I guess with the alcohol in my system I had the courage to stare more and actually talk to her and get her to ‘dance’ with me.

The music was loud and sexual, her ass was against my crotch as we danced (grinded) on each other. The party was in full swing and everything just felt amazing. Until the next morning… I woke up to my arms around a naked y/n, and a massive hangover between my ears. My head pounded and my ears were ringing, but there was a gorgeous girl in my arms so I can’t complain.

:-:-:-:

Mid August, when all the partying is done, and we relax for a few weeks before going back to our respective cities where we play hockey and/or go to school. I’m sat on a devils beach chair with y/n on my lap, Luke’s on a Michigan one, Quinn’s on a Canucks one, Cole’s on a USA one and Trevor I guess bought a Ducks one for some reason and he’s on that.

:-:-:-:-:

Ever since that summer, the summer of 2020, THEE summer of 2020, i haven’t been happier. I have my dream girl, my dream job, any parents, siblings and friends are all healthy and happy with where they are in life and my life is honestly perfect right now and as I said, I can’t be happier!

#jack hughes #jack hughes x reader #jack hughes blurb #jack hughes fanfiction #jack hughes imagine #luke hughes #quinn hughes #trevor zegras #cole caufield

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majaloveschris · 4 months

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Hi Maja.

First of all, your blog is one of the only ones I’ve always felt was sincere, on point, respectful, and not toxic. I’ve always had a good feeling about you and how you are kind despite all the toxicity on here.

That feeling has never wavered and there is a big part of me that wants you to be right and win against these ridiculous anons that seem to want to put you down.

An opinion (which I don’t claim to be fact, just some thoughts here): I see a lot of takes on here popping up from blogs that claim they have PR knowledge and claim to be experts and read and follow along the gossip, but I think nobody really knows and they can only hypothesize on what they think is the truth.

I think CE being married (by public knowledge and Wikipedia) was the main goal here. I’ve always sort of felt this, which is why I ultimately was not surprised after he did his SMA spread that he went public with Fish girl and then later on “got married.”

The reason I say this is because HW and society is very judgmental and superficial. Being single or unmarried at a certain age always raises questions whether or not it is valid to do so. I disagree with this sentiment but unfortunately the world is how it is. It happens to regular people, so why wouldn’t it apply to celebs? Especially the ones who have basically become a pop culture icon of being an eligible bachelor/desirable.

Let’s think about this. After 2019, CE was no longer under the marvel umbrella. He had to start defining his post marvel career, and then Covid hit. So many things derailed. He randomly got an IG in 2020 but people found out it had existed as an account since 2019. Perhaps it was always the plan or it was a plan hatched by his PR team to keep him in the public eye. He became relatable internet BF with a Prince Charming storyline of when will he find the one? It was almost overkill from 2020-2022.

Now it’s 2024 and he’s supposedly been with this woman since 2021. It shows longevity and then eventual commitment. He now wears a ring in public so they see him as “settled down.” That’s the image he is now portraying for the public who doesn’t dig or care to deeper in his life.

I don’t think it’s about rebranding to attract a younger audience - if so, his pr team would have realized that gen Z actually does not fare well to age gaps and the subject of grooming and etc always comes up for this hypersensitive on PC/wokeness generation. Then add on the racism and weird ass crap from her/her friends. Definitely not boding well for a generation that lives on the internet and knows how to deep dive. His PR team would have looked at how the public reacted to other relationships like this and I feel, if it was simply he was in love with her and it was real real, would have told him to keep it on the DL DL until it was absolutely certain they had walked down the aisle. At that point, there would be no turning back.

But they marketed this before that happened. They wanted to portray her as the one similar to how in movies, they want to portray a main character and love interest as meant to be even if the audience may or may not receive it that way. How many times do we hear “this movie tanked because the leads had no chemistry and the relationship they wanted us to believe was not believable?”

But ultimately, the endgoal of if CE and his wife are a good couple or not doesn’t really matter. They have achieved their goal of he is now settled down and no longer on the market. If you choose to continue to follow him, stay for his career and not his personal life. Meanwhile, her - well, they’ll keep trying to make her happen because her end of the deal was getting more visibility and breaking into the American market. That much has been clear.

But you can lead a horse to water, you can’t make it drink.

What she chooses to do with the opportunities given to her are left to be seen. Also, how the public and CE/her fanbases chooses to receive them are also left to be seen.

Will this marriage last forever? I have doubts. But I do think they considered many options and this is what they came up with. I also don’t believe CE’s actions show he is very happy with the arrangement, even less so than fish is. Because even from the subtle clues from photos and “videos” - body language does not lie.

To be fair to fish, I doubt she’s in love with him either. I think she’s getting more benefits from this because most of the negativity is being directed towards him, not her. His fans hating and harassing her are just a pinnacle of what he’s receiving from his own fanbase. Some people will disagree with me but he’s the one getting the P and G and disgusting comments and being called the worst person on earth because he married her. His own fans are turning on him and her fans can also blame him but victimize her. The general public doesn’t care too much but will say how he looks because he got with her. She remains “innocent” of any blame because at the end, she is young and he is older so he should know better. Do you see what I mean?

Meanwhile, her fans are just happy she’s getting attention and somebody to fund her poor attempts at becoming a fashion icon. She lacks in talent and work ethic but it’s an easy way for her to get engagement by being attached to him.

The day this ends and she no longer has his name will be interesting and that’s what I think his fans (remaining) are hoping for. They don’t want to reward laziness and clout chasing opportunist and I too support this. They want HIM to be better and find success and love himself more so he doesn’t continue to end up in these shitty situations. But again, he has to want that for himself. He has to want to deserve better so he can work on actually deserving of better.

I hope I didn’t offend anyone with this opinion. Just my thoughts and I support YOU. I hope things work out in the end in your favor because you are a great person and I selfishly want you to be right (haha). ❤️

I completely agree with everything that you wrote down.

I remember seeing people criticize him for saying he wants to get married and have a family, yet he is still single and childless. As you said, it's stupid that people are being bullied and judged because they haven't already settled down, even if they wanted to. Finding a partner is hard, and finding a partner in his shoes is even harder. I obviously don't know whether he actually wants all of that, but saying he must not want all of that because he didn't do so is not right. A lot of people struggle with finding a good partner.

I never agreed with people calling him by the P and G words. I guess these people either don't know what those words mean or are simply that mad as Chris that they feel the need to spread lies. He is not those things and never was. Yeah, 16 years is a lot, but she was a grownup when they allegedly met, and I think people exaggerate when they say she looks like a child.

I think the reason most people are hateful towards him is because they are disappointed in him. I think most people had an idea about the person he is based on the information we had, and him being married to someone like her or even dating someone like her doesn't really fit into that. People aren't disappointed in her because most didn't even know who she was before Chris. We were just presented with her actual self, and we didn't have any expectations from her. But we had for him.

I doubt either of them is in love with each other. Alba doesn't seem that happy or comfortable around him either. I think this is just business for both of them.

I still think he is a good man who made a terrible mistake. I just hope the best for him, to be honest, which I know is an unpopular opinion now because it seems like wanting the worst for him is what is trendy nowadays. Maybe I'm naive; maybe I'm just holding onto an image, but I don't think the last 20+ years were a lie. I hope he will prove me right.

Thanks for writing this down and for being there. ♥

#majaloveschris #chris and alba pr #cevans-love

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useless-catalanfacts · 6 months

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No question. Just rant. I love your page. And sorry for chaotic story time vibes, but I don't think I'd realised how crazy this anti-catalan thing really is until I travelled to southern Spain. My Spanish is not great, but I took a course in Catalan in high school (long story on why this was available in my city but it also included a human tower party at the end and it was brilliant even tho I almost died) so when talking to people I casually threw in some Catalan words to help my Spanish. I am Norwegian, and I thought it was kind of like... as if someone was trying to speak Norwegian but casually threw in some Swedish to fill in the gaps. Like we would totally have joked about it, but overall we would just be grateful they really made an effort to be understood. But no. IT WAS NOT THE CASE. My host was literally offended. Like offended offended. I didn't really get it, because it's not like the Catalans have oppressed him and I'm coming here speaking the tongue of the oppressor (its kinda the opposite). But no. My host acted if I was the most ignorant person ever. He basically sat me down and explained that I have to show respect and speak castillian (or english, which was apparently fine, even if he understood about 1% of it), and then I asked if he would speak Catalan if he visited Barcelona and he said he would never visit Barcelona because he didn't like the people there. And then I said that if you hate them so much, why not throw them out of the country, get rid of them, and let them have their own state? It sounds like a win-win. And he looked as if he was gonna hit me.

Ah 😬

I wish things like this surprised me, but I have family from Andalucía and Extremadura and have friends who also have family from Andalucía, and so I've heard this and worse... It also reminded me of a few weeks ago when there was a scandal because a train in Málaga (in Andalucía, southern Spain) gave the announcements in Catalan instead of Spanish (turns out the train had been programmed in Catalonia during the COVID-19 restrictions and later moved to the Málaga train system, but for some mistake this day it was showing COVID-19 precaution in Catalan from 2020 now in 2024). It was such a scandal that it was on the news and politicians were making such a big deal of it, the PP (the most voted party in Málaga and of all Andalucía) also said it was "offensive" and that Malagans were being "laughed at" by the trains. Other errors in public transport that actually mean people can't travel in time don't get reported as much as when one train's screens tell you in Catalan to wear your facemask. 🤷

The last part of what you say, absolutely right. I never understood it either: if they really don't like us, then shouldn't they also be interested in not having anything to do with us? Why not just kick us out? I never really understood it until some years ago when I heard the words of a right-wing Spanish journalist (I think was Federico Jiménez Losantos?) who said something along the lines of "if Catalans want to leave, then leave. But Catalonia is ours." Meaning that Catalan people, individually, we can leave and migrate abroad. But the land is a possession of Spain, our homeland is their property. I think that sums up that view. It's not about being annoyed at having to share a state with a culture you despise, it's about wanting to keep domination.

I'm sorry you had this experience. Your effort to communicate should have been valued, and pulling the words you know from a language from the same linguistic family was a good idea that would have worked great, they wouldn't have found it offensive if the language you knew instead of Catalan was Italian, Portuguese, etc. Thank you very much for sharing your experience, and I hope you could enjoy the rest of your trip (Southern Spain, outside of situations like this, is a beautiful place), and I'm very glad to hear you enjoyed the castells party (and didn't die in it)!

#ask #anonymous #actualitat #catalanophobia #catalanofòbia #coses de la terra #catalonia #catalunya #spain #language rights #language imperialism #imperialism #cultural imperialism #languages #langblr

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sirfrogsworth · 10 months

Text

The Pretty Average Trump Trauma

I really picked the wrong week to have a controversial post go viral.

The appeal deadline for my disability case is very soon and we just recently got the last of the medical records. My lawyer can get very busy and hard to reach. And I have been freaking out trying to get a hold of him to make sure everything is ready to be submitted. Thankfully he just emailed and said everything is on track and will be sent in for the appeal.

But having this weighing on me behind the scenes while also dealing with the blowback from my "vote for Biden" post caused me to enter into some unhealthy arguments and lose my temper on several occasions.

I didn't actually think about what would happen if that post went viral. Sometimes I write things and a hundred people see it, and it serves as a catharsis because I was able to get my thoughts and fears out of my brain.

And sometimes it gets reblogged 6000 times and I can forget I have a platform where that happens from time to time.

I wish I had written a better initial post. I think my thoughts in subsequent posts, along with the inclusion of what I think is a better strategy, would have gone a long way to help people understand my point of view. Looking back, that original post feels incomplete.

The post that ended up going viral was not inspired by reason or logic and it was never really meant to convince anyone of anything.

I thought I was preaching to the choir.

It was a representation of my fears. It was the result of two years of panic and trauma from the pandemic which ended in my mother's horrible death.

Let me explain...

On November 9th, Shaun, a YouTuber I respect, posted this.

And it scared the hell out of me.

A very popular leftist with a huge platform wrote this to 5 million people and I freaked out.

Shaun wasn't necessarily saying not to vote for Biden at the time. But he thinks people should all say they won't vote for him unless he calls for a ceasefire. I get the strategy. But I feared that nuance would be lost on many people and they would only see it as "don't vote for Biden... no matter what." Which was an accurate prediction on my part. The guy from Eve 6 has been going nuance-free for weeks now.

The one thing I greatly disagree with Shaun about is this...

Before the pandemic, I might have understood his argument. For the first two years, Trump was mostly an ineffectual goof. He had trouble getting a lot of his worst ideas to manifest. Most of the border wall he built ended up being repairs of existing barriers. And Obama droned civilians and kept kids in cages too—though Trump kept them in cages indefinitely and made up a rule that we can't actually know how many civilians he was droning.

So, a lot of the same, but turned up to 11.

But nothing about the pandemic response was pretty average.

There is something I have been choosing not to say during all of these discussions. I felt like saying it would be poor timing. I was worried people wouldn't actually agree with me. I worried it would make people think I was turning suffering into a competition. I didn't want to make it look like I valued certain lives over others. But then people accused me of all of that anyway. I was called evil and a collaborator and a supporter of genocide.

So I'm going to talk about it. Because the fact that few have mentioned it in these discussions has been bothering me. And the fact that the majority of society does not mention it makes me feel very alone in this belief.

I have long believed Trump and the majority of US conservatives committed a genocide of the disabled and elderly. I was never really comfortable calling it that word. I wasn't really sure how a genocide got classified as such. So I would just say things like, "40% of people who died during COVID should still be alive" and "Trump is responsible for hundreds of thousands of COVID deaths" and "Trump killed my mom" and hoping people would make the connection or at least see it as mass murder. I mean, this country judges everything by how many "9/11s" something is, but not the pandemic?

Donald Trump was the leader of the Republican party. When he refused to wear a mask due to vanity, his followers looked for something to excuse him. And I feel that directly birthed the "masks don't work" movement among conservatives. Donald Trump, having enormous influence among his acolytes, refused to correct this dangerous rhetoric. And he probably welcomed the cover so he could continue going maskless and not smear his makeup—even after he nearly died.

It is my belief this was the beginning of a genocide of apathy, deliberate and accidental incompetence, and non-compliance. And the reason for that non-compliance was not freedom as many claimed.

Conservatives did not like being inconvenienced.

They didn't like having to consider others.

And if competence requires effort and vigilance, they'd prefer doing the bare minimum.

Trump was famous for not filling vital administrative positions in the executive branch. Not only that, his turnover rate was 5 times higher than previous administrations. People were asked to do the job of several people because they didn't staff properly, and so those people quit. Thus creating a cycle of inexperienced new-hires that were out of their depth and asked to do much more than they bargained for. There is no way they could succeed in their jobs.

I think people forget that part of the role of the executive is the day-to-day boring administrative shit that is required to run a country. And when this day-to-day work isn't valued, it creates a crisis of incompetence. Which then creates things like not enough tests, not enough testing, Trump saying "if you don't test, it doesn't count", botched vaccine rollouts, rampant misinformation, poor education of the populace, and abysmal improvised press conferences where the President does a quick riff on injecting bleach.

This competence aspect is one of the hugest reliefs I had with the Biden administration. Not Biden. Not his policies. I'm talking about the regular workers getting shit done. This is the reason I am desperate to get my shit worked out with Social Security before the election. I once called Social Security during the pandemic and I literally got a recording saying to try calling back the next month.

Trump didn't care. People criticized him for not hiring people. He was aware of the problem. He just did nothing about it. And many conservatives praised him for "trimming the fat" or whatever. This idea that all of these government workers were useless burdens on the taxpayer fell apart during the pandemic.

There is incompetence caused by ignorance but it can also be a deliberate act. Trump was extraordinary in all forms of incompetence. He wasn't qualified to manage a pandemic. But he could have easily appointed experts and then gotten out of the way. But his narcissism would not let him cede power to anyone. He has always been convinced "only Trump can save you" and so his ego helped kill nearly half a million people.

Once the incompetence ball got rolling, that's when malicious apathy reared its ugly head. It was time to choose who they cared least about dying—who they felt was most useless. Conservatives decided it was time to devalue lives and start making sacrifices to save politicians' money laundering fronts small businesses.

Popular conservatives were going on TV and saying it was okay if Grandma died. It would be a worthy sacrifice to protect our freedoms.

The Lt. Governor of Texas, Dan Patrick, basically offered up the elderly for sacrifice all while claiming that he spoke for them and was also willing to die. Though I don't take his personal willingness very seriously, since he has the money and resources to get the best medical care and probably had no expectation he was in any danger.

“No one reached out to me and said, ‘As a senior citizen, are you willing to take a chance on your survival in exchange for keeping the America that all America loves for your children and grandchildren?’ But if they had? If that is the exchange, I’m all in. So my message is let’s get back to work. Those of us who are 70-plus, we’ll take care of ourselves.”

But you cannot just sacrifice the elderly. You may justify it by saying they have lived a long life, but many of the same health risks were shared by the disabled. Many of whom still had normal lifespans, but just needed extra care and protection.

There are countless elderly who cannot "take care of themselves" but they are still of value to our society. They are still loved. They watch and teach their grandchildren. They are the keepers of the family stories. They bake cookies and give you two dollar bills. They have random bowls of butterscotch all throughout their house.

But some need help. Some are sick. Some can't drive. Some can't walk. I guarantee not all of them were prepared to die for the cause.

And none deserved to die for a sports bar.

Oh, didn't I mention?

Dan Patrick owned a chain of sports bars that were losing money from the lockdowns. Did you really think he was sacrificing old folks "for the children"?

Thankfully Dan's sports bars are gonna be okay. He ended up receiving a $179,000 PPP loan... that was forgiven.

Then they started saying COVID deaths weren't COVID deaths.

"Well, they had a bad heart." "They were obese." "They had cancer."

They dropped the elderly excuse and began to openly devalue the disabled as well. If you were sick, what good were you? They considered us the next sacrifices for their convenience. If we wanted to survive, we shouldn't have gotten sick. It didn't matter that we could survive for years or even have a normal lifespan as long as we were protected by our communities.

And then began the non-compliance.

Trump's followers ignored masks and lockdowns and eventually vaccines. They were unwilling to protect the vulnerable and so many of us just... died.

Again, 40% of the US COVID deaths could have been prevented. Hundreds of thousands of people should still be here. Malicious apathy, incompetence, and non-compliance were the direct cause of this genocide.

The United Nations Genocide Convention identified 5 acts that typically constitute genocide. Only one act is required and in the pandemic 3 of the 5 acts happened.

Killing members of a group. Causing members of a group serious bodily harm. Imposing living conditions on that group that would destroy them.

I'm looking at that third one just now and realizing why we have advocates to remind us of vulnerable groups that need protection. I was thinking about how the elderly and disabled were trapped in hyper-contagious nursing homes and care facilities, but I completely forgot about prisons and the concentration camps at the borders.

I am not trying to diminish the awful things happening in Palestine right now. This is not a comparison of suffering—but a reminder. When a current terrible thing is happening, it can be hard to focus on anything else. But I do wish more people recognized what happened as a genocide and that the leader of that genocide, the one with the power to stop it, was Donald Trump. If we are going to base this voting decision entirely on acts of genocide, why is this not part of the consideration?

It is an awful moral calculus we have to figure out. One president is supporting and asking for funding for a genocide and I feel the other was the direct cause of another genocide. That's why I said both choices sucked. And the only way I could resolve this moral calculation was by asking what path would cause the least harm for everyone involved.

And the most disappointing aspect of all of these debates was the ableism. People told me if Trump was elected and I lost my benefits I should grow my own food and learn about medicine. They said I valued disabled lives above those in Gaza. They told me to imagine myself in Nazi Germany as a collaborator despite the fact I would have been euthanized.

But I felt like they weren't considering the disabled at all.

I am a disability advocate. So of course I am going to remind people to consider us in their voting decisions. But I'm tired of hearing I value lives differently just because I speak on behalf of a vulnerable group more often. I'm tired of continually having to justify my existence. And I'm tired of people dismissing the very real trauma caused by Trump.

It was not pretty average.

I'd like to tell you the full story of my mother's passing. All of the details. Even the ones I can't bear to type. But this isn't just my story. This is the story of countless others who had to watch their loved ones slowly die behind glass or over the phone or on an iPad.

I spent two years in constant anxiety trying to protect my two very sick parents. It was always assumed that my father was the most at risk. And that he was probably going to die long before my mother. But she had started a treatment for her psoriatic arthritis that turned the volume down on her immune system. Something that would normally not be a huge risk... but a pandemic changed that. A vaccine needs a functioning immune system to protect someone.

She could either accept the agony of stopping treatment or risk getting COVID. If people would have been willing to protect her, it would have been an easier choice. And she would still be around today. And I wouldn't have to worry about being homeless right now.

I don't know for sure when she was infected. I kept her inside as much as possible. But she needed those treatments and we had to pile into a crowded waiting room every time. And I remember a man in his fifties who seemed preoccupied with having to wear a mask. And when he thought no one was looking, he'd pull it down below his nose. A few days later she was being taken away in an ambulance.

A few weeks before my mother died, she called me on the phone. She was heavily medicated and they had two different breathing devices assisting her. The nurse was holding the phone up to her ear and she was trying to speak over the volume of the air rushing into her face from the masks. I could not hear her no matter how loud she yelled. So she asked the nurse to take the masks off for just a second so we could talk.

Her only concern was for my father. We all contracted COVID and she was so worried he would end up just like her. Thankfully the vaccine worked for him and he was okay at that moment. But she kept yelling, "Is Dad okay? Is Dad okay?" And I kept trying to tell her he was fine, but she was hard of hearing and the phone could not be held very close to her ear.

Unfortunately, the yelling made it harder and harder for her to breathe. She started gasping for air. The nurse kept insisting she put the breathing equipment back on, but my mom refused. "I want to talk to my son! I need to talk to my son!"

I knew there wasn't much we could do to communicate. And so I kept trying to yell "I love you, Mom. Everyone is fine. I love you!" I then asked the nurse to tell her that. And when she finally understood what I was saying, she burst into tears.

Her oxygen levels were getting dangerously low and she was fighting the nurse. And she just yelled out, "I'm so scared! I think I'm going to die! Tell Dad I'm sorry I can't take care of him! I don't want to die!" She kept repeating that over and over. The nurse had no choice and had to put the masks back on. My mom screamed and shouted "No! Please no! That's my son!"

And those were the last words I ever heard from my mother.

Gasping for air. Scared of dying. Worried about her family.

This moment has intrusively popped into my brain on a regular basis since it happened. It happens when I'm awake. It happens in my dreams. I have no control over it. I just have to keep experiencing it like it is happening for the first time.

After I saw that tweet from Shaun and then many others expressing the same thing (without the strategic aspect), my dread and trauma resurfaced with a vengeance. I've been reliving my mom's final words in my dreams. That moment keeps popping into my head. I feared the man I feel is most responsible for my mother's death may regain power and kill me and the last of the family I have left.

I keep asking myself the same questions over and over. What if there is another public health emergency? What happens to my trans friends if he turns the US into Florida and Texas? What will happen to the migrants at the border?

All I have is my two best friends. Katrina is gay and Delling is trans and disabled. All of us are vulnerable.

I wrote that post to help deal with the nightmares. Writing is part of my coping process. I didn't really expect it to go super viral. I just needed to get that out of my brain. But when people pushed back and started calling me evil and a collaborator and that I was valuing my life above those in Palestine, all with a huge heap of ableism, I found myself unable to let it go and not respond. I couldn't choose the healthy thing and step away.

While I feel I made some good arguments and put forth some solid ideas for other ways to handle this, I also got angry and lost my temper and stayed in arguments for way too long—all to my mental detriment.

My little world felt like it was collapsing and the world at large also felt like it was collapsing. I had personal horrors in my mind mixing with the horrors of this global conflict.

It was too much.

I don't regret what I posted. Many felt the same as I do. And I think my subsequent posts did a good job of expanding on my thoughts while also offering hope for alternate solutions.

But I do regret the timing and I wish I hadn't lost my temper. Especially in a reply I left with a lot of cussing.

People might disagree but I am hoping that people can understand the fear and trauma that influences my point of view.

I am actually willing to risk quite a lot to protect other people. Even people in faraway lands I don't know.

But I refuse to offer up the vulnerable to be sacrificed if it won't actually help anyone. That's what a Texas Lt. Governor would do.

#trigger warning #death mention #genocide mention

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the-grey-hunt · 2 months

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i have covid and must sit in my room all day. it's ghost trick posting hours and i am thinking about a gt major arcana set

These are purely based on my vibes from experience and the little pamphlet that came with my Rider-Waite-Smith deck, so feel free to argue with me, i could really use a conversation to get invested in rn

0 - THE FOOL. Obviously this one is going to be Sissel. The Fool represents setting out on a journey that's gonna take you through the rest of the cards, and it's the zero point, the beginning of the deck (sometimes the end, which is how my pamphlet organizes it). I'd draw him in the junkyard, maybe as the ghost flame.

I - THE MAGICIAN. This one gave me the most trouble. I eventually settled on Pigeon Man, partly because I couldn't figure out a 'scene' i liked for this more than a person. He fits the bill of a man hiding some secrets, but one who's a sort of 'magus' (pamphlet's word) or knowledgeable figure. No idea how i'd draw it.

II - THE HIGH PRIESTESS. I picked the park guardian/Dabira. HEAR ME OUT. The description I have says "tenacity", or if reversed, "passion" and "surface knowledge" (hate to say it but Dabira does not know the lore). Normally this would be a woman, but I ran out of female characters before assigning this one. This drawing would highlight the stars in his eyes.

III - THE EMPRESS & IV - THE EMPEROR. Alma and Jowd, respectively. The Empress is "the unknown, doubt" or reversed, "truth, the unraveling...of matters". More her role in the story than her actual personality, but the game devs didn't give her one, so. The emperor represents "conviction" (lol) and "protection", but also reversed can mean "confusion", "obstruction".

I'd draw Alma in a fake foil-card, where it looks like it's being tilted so some of her is visible through the "foil" but the "reflective" parts are her blacked-out flashback silhouette. Jowd would be at the foot of a ruined throne.

V - THE HIEROPHANT. This one's Kamila. "Captivity" is one of the potential meanings, but reversed it can also be "weakness", which I don't mean as an insult, but she's a little girl who gets physically overpowered. It would be Kamila on a thronelike seat in the red trunk, the hierophant's tools (maybe pieces from the contraption) on the floor before her.

VI - THE LOVERS. Yomiel and FianSissel. "Love" and "trials overcome", but reversed "failure" or "foolish designs". I think they as a pair represent the potential meanings pretty well; there's definitely love, but their love leads them to foolish plans down doomed paths. Drawn as each other's reverse, like a face card in a deck of playing cards.

VII - THE CHARIOT. "Triumph", but reversed, "defeat". I'd draw this as squished Jeego rolling away with the wrecking ball—both a triumph and a defeat!

VIII - STRENGTH. Lynne! "energy" and "action" both describe her. The reversed meanings don't really fit, so I'm ignoring them lol. I'd draw her in her determined pose, maybe from in the Yonoa with the pocket watch.

IX - THE HERMIT. Ray! "Prudence" (the other meanings I'm given don't fit as well), but reversed, "concealment", "disguise". I'm drawing that boy wigglin'.

X - WHEEL OF FORTUNE. "Destiny", "luck". No character fits this as well as the clock from the 'rewind time' cutscene.

XI -JUSTICE. Literally just gonna be the Justice Minister, in one of his slumped-on-the-desk poses. "Executive", but reversed, "law in all departments", "excessive severity".

XII - THE HANGED MAN. This one is Cabanela, and you know he's going in the hanged man pose. "Trials", "intuition" "discernment"— reversed, "selfishness", so the regular and reversed readings are the truth v. how he's percieved.

XIII - DEATH: I think this should be a drawing of a detective's pistol. There's the possibility of getting more metaphorical with this card, but here, I don't think you need to.

XIV - TEMPERANCE. I put Rindge for this one because i wanted to include all the people who get their lives saved by Sissel, and I do think it fits. "accomodation" (of lynne); reversed, "competing interests" (his assignment v. helping lynne). I'd draw him seated at the table in the restaurant.

XV - THE DEVIL. This isn't as much a person (I mean, it's Sith), but I want this card to show as its centerpiece the little grabby thing that takes Yomiel's Temsik fragment out. Both Yomiel and Sith would be visible, to either side, but the meaning of "violence" or, reversed, "fatality", "pettiness", seems best suited by this specific scene.

XVI - THE TOWER. It's already been done perfectly and is tbh the reason I'm making this post

XVII - THE STAR. What else? The Temsik meteorite. Carries a meaning of "loss", but alternately (not reversed, but alternately) "hope", "bright prospects for the future". Two very different scenes in that park...I'd draw it in the crater, where it could be showing either future.

XVIII - THE MOON. Beauty and Dandy for this one, idk how i'd draw them. "Hidden enemies", "danger", "deception", "error".

XIX - THE SUN. Missile! Means "material happiness", "contentment", even when reversed. It's what he is and what he brings to people around him! I'm giving that boy a halo effect.

XX - THE LAST JUDGEMENT. A scene of "the last desperate struggle" (to borrow the soundtrack title) in Temsik Park, the last moment of gameplay in the game. Could be either the fountain with the meteor coming down, or missile in the bullet right before it's swapped. could be a lot of moments!

XXI - THE WORLD. I would do a cool thing with the phone lines and traveling through them for this one. luckily no one can make me draw it, so you're just gonna have to picture the coolness yourself

#ghost trick #spoilers #i love doing these things and giving maybe 40% of a serious crap about the real occult meanings of the cards

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plantmommoonbaby · 2 months

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I have covid (rant about that later), and to keep my mind from rotting, I'm rewatching IwtV. So, please enjoy

My Delirious Ramblings about Our Favorite Beautiful Vampire Divorcés (pt 1)

Episode 1:

It feels like it means something that went Lestat does the mind control thing, his victims eyes look like his

Uuugh i saw a tumblr post wondering if the widow du Pointe duLac ever convinced herself Louis pushed Paul so she could believe Paul went to heaven and 😭

That means his mother starts to see him as a monster the literal morning he chooses to become a monster

God, if she never subtle accused him, would he even have agreed to Lestat's offer??

Louis talking over what Lestat said to convince him makes me think all he had to say was that he loved him...

I mean... valid since he just lost his mother's love 💔

Episode 2:

Ummm, Louis, why do you have a painting by your grampa??

Armand isn't even acting in this scene, is he? Boy worships Louis

But, like... how is Armand--sorry, Rashid 🙄 being the only staff member who doesn't mask not a dead give away?

Louis's eyes go green when he has blood lust

Tiny buns 💓

I have a hard time believing Louis diets out of compassion when he'll eat a hogtied endangered species...

God bless Grace du Pointe du Lac

You can say you aren't buying in to the killing, Louis... but your eyes are very green...

Oop, Daniel couldn't stay objective while reliving that little dish... this is when the lines start getting blurry

Episode 3:

It has to be a superiority thing, coz the way he ate that poor kitty was brutal...

Daniel has not kiki'd over exes enough and it shows. Louis reeks of missing his ex. You don't point out how obvious it is until after a few drinks and making sure he can't slide into the DMs first...

Ooooh if looks could kill. Our literal green eyed monster damn near drained Antoinette right there... I guarantee the only reason he didn't is because he thought Lestat was going to drain her later

Checking to make sure Lestat is paying attention before making Jonah think about "them old days" 💀 Louis said "fuck around and find out, Daddy 😘"

Jonah, I know a certain European who is cares a whole lot about who you are looking at, and I'm pretty fucking sure he's not gonna be sensible about it...

Louis, you're not you when you're hungry...

Lestat plays fucked up games, but seeing Louis's green eyes and knowing he isn't stable enough to actually restrain himself and then hurting himself to get them all out is actually pretty respectful of his diet...

Lestat wasn't wrong about Louis being a natural... he's just a natural serial killer, not hunter. He has to want to kill his victim...

Louis kicks in one door, his sister sees him as the devil. He kicks in another and Claudia sees him as an angel 😭😭😭 IM NOT CRYING YOU'RE CRYING

I think I need a nap...

#amc iwtv #interview with the vampire #stream of consciousness #rambles #iwtv season 1 #louis de pointe du lac #lestat de lioncourt #daniel molloy #the vampire armand

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invincible-selfxmade-punk · 2 years

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It has been that the worst week I have had since I taught in the hood. I am so sick of this covid generation who are the sleaziest, most self absorbed, rudest, most assinine, idiotic bunch I've ever had the misfortune if having to educate.

Every day I hear them calling each other gay, calling each other furries, calling each other black boy as a put-down, calling each other black monkeys and they put down, making pornographic moans at the top of their lungs in class in the middle of discussions or when I'm trying to teach, singing in the middle of class whenever the thought hits them, having no idea what courtesy or kindness or respect is and not wanting to know either.

I had a 10 year old boy in the sleaziest voice imaginable offer me a piece of his big banana and something sticky to go with it. I reported it to the principal but of course nothing happened and the asst principal actually found it incredibly amusing.

When nothing was done I got so angry I confronted the kid myself and told him if he ever spoke like that to me again I would be sicking my husband on him. And then *I* got in trouble and was told not to say anything that would make his parents mad.

I have a kid who thinks he is Magic Mike and wants to dance around the class shaking his privates at everybody including me. When I have told his mother this she tells me but it's so funny when he does it at home and his sisters find it so entertaining.

It is not entertaining when this kid who is taller than me is shaking his junk in my face when I am trying to lecture.

I can't use any type of videos because either they are made fun of because they are too cringey or I have Magic Mike dancing to the music and everyone's looking at him instead of the video.

They can't play kahoot or Quizlet because if I forget to put on the random nickname generator then I get names like: bigdaddy69 or urmomisgay.

These are 10 year olds.

I have one class where I have yet to teach a fully lesson because I spend 25 of the 45 minutes repeating the words 'stop talking' and 'get quiet' and yet the instant I open up my mouth to try and teach again everyone begins to talk.

I live in constant fear of snapping one day and screaming "Shut the f*** up!!" & losing my job.

The most the principal will do is come in in a very mousy voice tell them "You need to respect yourself and others."

Meanwhile they are spitting on each other, saying things to each other that we get them shot if they were to say it to a stranger on the street, saying the most racist, sexist things you can imagine and nothing is being done.

I am so burnt out.

The parents refuse to buy school supplies so the school has to provide them and the students treat them like disposable garbage. They have decimated two huge boxes of markers by disemboweling them, throwing them at each other and then leaving them on the floors with the tops off, or stealing them. And I have gone through about 700 pencils since August because they never keep them or keep up with them. They borrow them they immediately ripped their erasers off and throw them at each other and then either they are left on the floor for me to trip over, they are taken and never returned, or they are broken and the next day every single one of the 90 students show up again without a pencil which I have to provide them.

I feel dirty when I come home.

Nothing I say is being heard. I'm not teaching , no one is listening, and to do this for 90 kids a day, everyday, when all you are is a verbal punching bag is beyond my ability to deal with.

#work rant #teaching #covid generation #shitty week #fifth grade

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wonuwrites · 3 months

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"A House In Nebraska" ot13 Song Reaction

Before we start: Warning: this song is heavy and talks about really heavy topics and even mentions about Suicidal thoughts. Personally, I, @wonuwrites don't like writing about suicide or suicidal thoughts because it is a very triggering subject for so many people (myself included.) I will mention the suicide part in this reaction. Having said that, PLEASE do not read this reaction if it will affect you in a negative way. You are WAY more important than a fanfiction on this silly website. if you ever need to talk, please message me.

Just wanted to put this warning before we started because I felt it was important.

requested from this anon x

Warning/author's note : This will be a lot more heavier than things I usually write. (pls send me pet pictures or fluffy wonwoo drabbles) This will be post-apocalyptic themed with hints of the song "A House In Nebraska" by Ethel Cain. There will be talks of suicide like I mentioned above, also death, dread, trauma, and so many other things. I will write happier drabbles and things after this so please once again if this is too heavy please skip. I love you all and want everyone to be safe. I know I say this often but please if you are a minor- DO NOT INTERACT. Also this took so long for me to write because it was rough to write. I had to make sure I was mentally okay <3

Just like all my song preferences before: members parts will be in order of the song lyrics.

Let the angst begin <3

Scene:

Everything was normal for a year until some governments were a little bored and decided to do experiments on their inmates of the respected countries. Some of these experiments went a little haywire and caused a pandemic. The pandemic caused a very contagious disease that made 2020's COVID-19 look like child's play. The disease made people lose their minds and the only way to cure it was to put them down. Many people compared it to be a modern day zombie apocalypse except for zombies it was homicidal psychopaths. When the pandemic first happened, you and your boyfriend (member of Seventeen) took refuge in a House in Nebraska, USA. It was secluded and you both thought nobody would find you and harm you. Happy endings don't always happen though. After many days of skipped meals and sleepless nights, the worst happened. You watched the love of your life walk out the door to get some food from the garden when a stray homicidal was walking down the road. Before he could grab a gun to kill the homicidal, the Homicidal shouted alerting more Homicidal's to come. There you watched the love of your life try to defend you both before getting infected. It was then when you had to defend yourself from the Homcidal's and even the love of your life. After shooting the only person who knew you for you, these were the memories that would haunt you until your dying breath.

Actual Members Reactions Now~

⌂ DK: "Labored breaths and bed sores, sing it to me all day long, when the aching 'Sound of Silence,' used to be our favorite song."

It had been no more than two awful weeks since you had to kill Seokmin. The memory of the look in his eyes when he realized he was infected scared you. It haunted you. He slid you the gun and just whispered "I love you, (Y/N)." You had to do it but it killed you to do so. Ever since, you just laid on the once shared dirty mattress. At this point you had been just laying down and getting bed sores due to lack of activity but in all honesty, you just wanted to return to the love of your life. You didn't want to live without him any longer. You felt your breath getting labored and you closed your eyes praying that it was your time to go. As if it were a miracle, you heard faintly the love of your life singing "sound of silence" which used to be your favorite song due to the memes. You choked back a sob before whispering, "I'm coming home Seokmin, I am so sorry."

⌂ Mingyu: "You and me against the world, you were my man and I your girl."

You stared down at your whole world who starred back up at you with blood dripping down his chin. He was still warm but he was gone. You looked around and saw a lot of other Homicidal's scattered across the gravel driveway. You didn't have one clear thought as you realized what you had to do. The one person who promised to be with you until the end of time was shot because of you. You both swore that if one of you got infected, you would shoot one or the other no matter what. However, with the seclusion of the house in Nebraska you both thought that it just would not happen and things would eventually be better. Life without Mingyu now though, it wouldn't be better even if this pandemic ended. So you did what you had to do. You dragged Mingyu into the house and drenched both you and his body in gasoline. You cried while doing so because the thought of dying was horrifying, however living was just not an answer as well. You took a deep breath before pressing a kiss onto Mingyu's forehead. You held onto him as you flicked the lighter and set both of you ablaze. The world may have won this battle, however you knew that you would both find each other in every lifetime that came.

⌂ Dino: "And I still call home that house in Nebraska, where we found each other on a dirty mattress on the second floor."

Once the pandemic hit Korea, you both ran refuge to America because there were more places to be secluded. Chan always joked that Nebraska was a myth because "nobody lives there" until that's where you found home. A worn out house that looked like it had been vacant since 1958. There wasn't much to it but a dirty mattress on the second floor. Any fear of germs vacated as it seemed better than a hardwood floor. The first night you spent on that dirty mattress, Dino and you had torn up some of your own shirts to use as a sheet and held each other for comfort. You swore that no matter what you would be together.

⌂ Woozi: "Where you told me even if we died tonight, that I'd die yours."

Jihoon and you made a promise that you would be together throughout the whole pandemic. You both would live together or you both would die together. After surviving for months, living seemed so much brighter. You both were a light to each other during this dark time. When you saw Jihoon get bit, you felt like your world shattered. He tossed the gun at you and looked up at you begging you to shoot him. You ended up shooting the rest of the homicidals but left the love of your life for last. "Y/N, kill me." You heard him beg. He wasn't infected quite yet but the color in his eyes was starting to change. It was a matter of time before he was like the homicidals. So you did what you promised him. You sat in front of him and put your head against his temple. He tried to push you off when he realized you were planning on shooting both of you at the same time. He wanted you to live but you still fired the shot killing him and injuring you. You ended up passing from lack of blood next to the love of your life. You both died together and as each others persons. Just like you promised.

⌂ Joshua: "Your mama calls me sometimes to see if I'm doing well and I lie to her."

About a year after shooting Jisoo, the pandemic had been lifted. You left the house in Nebraska and tried to live life the way you had before meeting Jisoo, before the pandemic and it was hard. It was so fucking hard. Especially since most of his family had survived. His mother would call you once a month once the pandemic was over even though she knew what you did. When you saw her name on your phone, guilt always ate you. She told you she didn't blame you and you shouldn't do the same thing however it was easier said than done. Whenever she asked how you were doing, you always gave her little white lies in hopes that she would believe you and hope that someday it would be true.

⌂ Vernon: "And I say I'm doing fine when really I'd kill myself to hold you one more time."

After Hansol passed, you left the house in Nebraska after setting him on fire. The only thing you had left of him was a plaid shirt that he wore often. You wore it every day and left with it on. You found a camp of other survivors and they welcomed you in with open arms. Nobody knew what you did but they knew you saw some heavy things. Someone named San was at the camp as well and wanted to know why you didn't smile. He would ask you how you were doing and your answer was always the same. "I'm fine." It was a safe answer and one San realized would be the only thing you would give. You thought San was nice however, your heart was burnt in Nebraska along with Hansol. Each day that passed, you wanted to kill yourself so you could be with your other half. Living without Hansol was the worst pain and nobody could ever understand.

⌂ Seungkwan: "And it hurts to miss you but it's worse to know that I'm the reason you won't come home."

You didn't know what hurt more. Missing Seungkwan being around physically or feeling remorse for killing him. When he took his last breath, you knew it was what you had to do but it didn't make the pain any more bearable. Seungkwan was your missing piece. He was the ying to your yang. The Bonnie to you Clyde. He was everything and him not being there was simply awful. You spent so many hours a day crying and just craving him to hold you just one more time. However you knew that he couldn't come back. You just prayed he would be waiting for you.

⌂ S. Coups: "You know, I still wait at the edge of town praying straight to God that maybe you'll come back around."

Killing Seungcheol drove you mad. You knew he was gone but you still would look out the window and walk to edge of town hoping to see him running home to you. Maybe him being infected was just a bad dream and he was coming to your makeshift home with some much needed supplies. Maybe he was still alive and you would see him again soon. One night when you made your way to the edge of town you saw a being in the distance. He looked so much like Seungcheol. Your heart started beating faster than ever as you started running toward 'Seungcheol.' As soon as you made it to them, you realized it was a scarecrow that was just propped up. You fell to your knees and started wailing out Seungcheol's name. You sobbed until you couldn't handle it anymore and just laid down and prayed to God that you could be reunited with your one true love once again. It took a few hours but soon your last breath was taken laying right next to the scarecrow.

⌂ Wonwoo: "I cry everyday, and the bottles make it worse 'cause you were the only one I was scared to tell I hurt."

You were no stranger to Jack Daniels and mental breakdowns prior to meeting Wonwoo all those years ago. You struggled with mental health and the only one who knew how deep your mental health struggles and alcohol uses was Wonwoo. So when you shot him with his own gun you ran back to what you knew best. Your addictions. You used to be afraid to confess when you missed alcohol to him but with him you ended up being a year sober. However, the familiar taste of whiskey burning the back of your throat numbed the regret and remorse. You knew he would've shook his head at your actions but at the same time, who could blame you?

⌂ Minghao: "I thought you were so beautiful, it was love, I guess."

Once the pandemic hit, it was hard to see things as beautiful. However, when you met Minghao at a camp before you made yourself home in that house in Nebraska, you thought he was so beautiful. His giggles that ended up haunting your every thoughts, the soft stare he'd give you, the way his arms would wrap around you when life got too scary. It was all so beautiful. One of the main regrets you had was that you didn't realize how much you loved this beautiful man until it was too late. When he was gone, dullness took over again and it was hard to find anything beautiful.

⌂ Hoshi: "And you might never come back home, and I may never sleep at night."

Delusions started to eat you alive, you ended up just thinking Soonyoung left you instead of you murdering him. You thought it was just a scary nightmare and he was just getting supplies for you both to survive. So you waited for him. You stayed up staring at the door like a stranded puppy waiting for their owner to come home from a silly 9-5. You lost track of the days and couldn't remember the last time you ate. However, you heard a noise from the outside and all you could think of was Soonyoung. You opened the door and ran to the tall figure. You didn't realize it was a homicidal until you felt venom run through your veins. By then it was too late and you were one of them.

⌂ Jun: "But God, I just hope you're doing fine out there, I just pray that you're alright."

Out of all the members, Jun actually survived. You shot the dirt next to him and he played 'dead.' He heard your screams of heartbreak and he felt so horrible. However, he knew the homicidal's came for a reason and he had just found a cure for a bite. However, there was not enough food for both you and him so he hid the fact that there was a cure from you. Instead, he decided to "die" and leave the food and everything for you in that house. After you did a shallow grave for him, he crawled out of the grave and made his way to a camp. He oathed if he could find more supplies he would come back for you. However, after he found more supplies and food he came back to an empty house. There was no sign of you and it broke him. He blamed himself. He should have told you what he discovered. He would spend every moment until his last breath trying to figure out what happened and where you went.

⌂ Jeonghan: "And I feel so alone out here and I feel so alone without you."

Prior to Jeonghan, you considered yourself super independent. You could take care of yourself because that was all you had known how to do. However, once you met Jeonghan, you became codependent. As much as you could, you turned your brain off because he always had a plan. You always were together so when he passed, you felt so alone. You tried your best to find who you were before Jeonghan came into your life but it was practically impossible. Everytime you thought about moving on, you felt a piece of you die. One night when it was raining, you couldn't handle laying down on a dirty mattress by yourself anymore so you went to his grave and laid next to it. You felt insane as you started to put soil on you to feel closer to him but believe it or not you felt him there. You closed your eyes as rain droplets continued to splatter across your face and took your last breath. You couldn't wait to be reunited with Jeonghan.

holy shit it's finally finished. I hope you enjoyed this. Sorry it was so heavy. fluffy shit is coming <3

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