#Listen if you find me irl it better be bc you found me there first

[scarlettearrowrites]

There's something unfairly ironic about being the kid who violently ducks away whenever my siblings start recording a TikTok but also being the one who has a youtube channel.

Constantly and consistently torn between the wish to be known and the need for privacy.

[nanowired-lover]

LUPIN III's Pokemon Teams

Okay, I'm having thoughts about Lupin III and Pokémon, so I tried to make some Pokémon teams / lore with my sweet Pokémon nerd girlfriend.

There are probably a few Pokémon lore mistakes bc I tried to synthesize and my gf knows more than me, plus probably a few mistranslations since I mostly know Pokémon in french, but bear with me !

Aipom : It's just. It's just Lupin. There are a LOT MORE monkey Pokémons than I thought, but Aipom matches the most. It's his best friend. He probably got him a matching suit because it's cute and fun and Aipom loves this.

Even if Gholdengo has been here the longest time because he inherited it, Aipom was his first real pokemon. He just found it as a kid and they became friends because they “recognized” each other, to his father dismay.

Klefti : The whole escape thing. I hesitated to give it to Zenigata, bc of the whole prison cell vibes, but I loved the more whimsical idea of Lupin having the key to every door : his Klefti.

He got it during his heists ! The lil thing probably followed him around after an adventure because it helped Lupin escapes, and Arsène just took it in since he got attached. (I also just really like that pokemon)

Gholdengo : It's a treasure pokemon really. It's made of gold and it looks silly. Fujiko probably tried to steal it from him sometimes until at one point where Lupin got genuinely upset about it, much to her surprise, and she stopped. She still makes jokes about it, but Lupin knows it's jokes. It was there before Aipom, so it's more like an old friend.

Lupin probably inherited from his grandpa of Gimmighoul and got attached to it, and later in life, as he started to travel, tried to find others to have a Gholdengo. And he did it :) He was so happy when it was finally evolving, because it meant that his friend grew up with him, and he did better with it than his grandpa.

NOT PICTURED HERE : Lupin is linked to Ho oh. He's a lucky bastard and the main character. Ho oh probably saved him in situation where Lupin's intelligence and talent couldn't save him anymore (think the scene at the end of Lupin III : The First where he could've died in the Eclipse explosion). There's a strong mutual respect between them, but Lupin, being silly, want to pet the bird, which get him to get pecked in the hair for being annoying. Ho oh never stays but look after him.

(I have no/less lore for his team but anyway)

Clawitzer : AKA a shrimp with guns. Its name in French is literally Gamblast. It's the first pokemon that came in my mind when I was thinking guns. Probably his first pokemon he caught with Lupin. I just pictured young Lupin being like "CATCH IT. IT'S LIKE YOU FR" "BUT I DON'T HAVE A POKEMON" "OKAY I'LL FIGHT IT FOR U" "WHAT."

Honchkrow : Jigen Pokemon sona ? /j No but really, it's the hat and the chest looking like a beard and the color palette that made me think of Jigen. The thing is probably as grumpy as he is, but like Jigen, actually a fucking softy. Jigen passed out in its feathers multiple times because it's so good. Hug a big bird, I beg you, it's so warm.

Lycanroc : Listen. If you know me irl, you know that I'm insane about the allegories and metaphors about wolves / wild dogs. I love people writing Jigen like an old feral dog, so loyal and so angry, like. Gah. So of course I had to give him a wolf/dog pokemon. What's better than literally a Lycanroc. He probably met it when they were staying in Alola for a heist, a night he couldn't sleep and just. Stared at each other. A weird recognition happening.

Lupin probably found him multiple times, treating that edgy looking dog like a good lil doggy when none is looking, bc that's what both Jigen and Lycanroc deserve. He loves it and took pictures because it's adorable.

NOT PICTURED HERE : we had a thought with Micka (my gf) how he was linked to Raikou. It's mostly because Lupin is linked to Ho oh, and I'm sorry, but I don't know the lore enough to really explain it, I just believe my wife. But they probably don't really get along, in a funny way. We had a whole scene where they were yelling at each others, Raikou roaring and at one point Jigen roaring back, Lupin wanted to interrupt bc what the fuck Jigen, and Jigen just "roared" at him, making him jump LMFAO. Jigen then disappeared in his hat of shame because yes indeed, what the fuck Jigen. (Raikou was pleased)

(okay, not too much lore either, I think. But I wanted a team that was Combat and/or Dragon based for Goe)

Magikarp : *sigggggh* Listen… I was going to give him Gyarados, but I had a laughing fit about him finding a Magikarp and getting weirdly attached to it. It's the only pokemon he keeps in a pretty and high quality pokeball bc he wants to keep it safe. He loves his weird pathetic red fish but gets quickly flustered and embarrassed when someone noticed that it's his fav baby. He tries to train it to become a Gyarados, bc Magikarp wants to be a Gyarados (and make papa proud !) but... it sucks so much it's funny.

Greninja/Lucario/Sawk : he had them in his samurai training and adventures. Honestly, a lot of pokemons would have fit Goemon too but those 3 were the ones that stand out to me. There's a whole respectful dynamic between them, and they don't have any pokeballs, so they wander a lot. He rarely has the 3 of them together, most of the time he has one, but they will always come if he needs them.

(also Greninja is one of my favorite pokemon and starter and idk why I really like Sawk)

He can make his Lucario Mega Evolve, but he doesn't do it much out of respect and trust since it's always a mess. (also if Magikarp ever evolves… he would definitely be able to Mega Evolve it)

Drampa : it's an old Asian dragon, it fits him. Probably also a comfort pokemon since Drampa is very calm and placid, so it wraps around him to calm him down when he feels like exploding (think also about the autistic HC for Goemon and Drampa being a fucking. weighted blanket)

NOT PICTURED HERE : Goe is definitely linked to Rayquaza. The mental image is way too cool to let it pass. The first time Rayquaza appeared during a fight, Lupin (being Goemon biggest hypeman) cheered so loudly that Goemon was quickly red of embarrassment.

(I really don't have much for Fujiko my bad)

Nickit : okay, I haven't played to Pokemon SW/SH at ALL, so I don't know much about pokemons from Galar (except Runerigus being one of my favorite pokemon), but when I saw this fox ? I knew it was for Fujiko. It's a thief fox. She actually deserves all the foxes of the game, and I hesitated to give her Vulpix or Ninetales, but Vulpix is too… cute. And Ninetales is related to yokai and even if it's basically Fujiko as a yokai, I didn't want to go for this vibe. Also, I hesitated to give her Braixen/Delphox bc I called mine Fujiko as I restarted Pokemon X/Y, but. heh. It doesn't really match.

Cofagrigus : My gf told me to put this one to remind the fact that Fujiko loves gold and treasure… but she can be scary powerful sometimes. And she would love to have a partner that can remind people of that. A bit like when she grabs Goemon around to be her scary bodyguard.

She takes really good care of it, and it LOVES her so much. A bit too protective, and scary, but also very silly since it's following her like her shadow and obey her to the spot.

Mienshao : I want a ""lady"" pokemon since Fujiko's hyperfeminity is important to her character (even if it's been used grossly too many times. Fujiko sweetie i'm so sorry you've been written by a misogynistic man). But also one that fitted her fighting style and presence. She probably trains with it, not only for pokemon fights, but for actual martial combat technics !

NOT PICTURED HERE : As Jigen is being linked to Raikou because Lupin was chosen by Ho oh, Fujiko is linked to Suicune. And if you want to know where Entei is, it's linked to my gf's OC Zack who made his way into the polycule in the RP we're doing 😔

Stoutland : This is basically him a Pokemon. The police force insisted he take an Arcanine since it's basically the police's pokemon in the pokemon world, but Zenigata still felt icky about being associated with the police all the time (this is an ACAB blog. Zenigata is just fucking naive and old-fashioned and fixated on the Lupin's chase). But he still had to have a dog pokemon to work with him. So he just. Insisted on having his family dog.

The Stoutland is an old, silly, determined dog. A bit like Zenigata and very loyal to him BUUUUT can be bribed with good food and pets, much to Zenigata exasperation, because Lupin managed to befriend the doggy.

Honedge : LISTENNNNNN AEGISLASH IS MY FAVORITE POKEMON. AND I LOVE ALL OF HIS EVOLUTION CHAIN. But !! To me, he has an old Honedge who never got to evolve because his previous owners (Zeni's family) didn't take care of it and just. Exposed it as a trophy. Then when Zenigata got him, the poor thing was too tired and old to actually fight and gain experience. But it still wanted to go on an adventure with Zenigata !! And Zenigata did give him some fantastic adventures.

And it's an obvious reference to Zenigata's jutte, bc I really picture him holding Honedge like his jutte.

NOT PICTURED HERE : as the rest of the gang, Zenigata is linked to a legendary pokemon. And it's Lugia. Mostly because it's the complimentary legendary pokemon of Lupin's Ho oh ! When they found out, it was when Lugia saved Zenigata from drowning during a chase happening at sea. While he was in awe and being emotional about it, Lupin was VIBRATING with excitement when he saw that. Because !! Zenigata was right !!! It's fate that they are rivals !!! It's amazing !!!

Anyway, I could go into a bigger rant about it, but it's already very long !

[lukkabloom]

Fun facts abt residents & castle trio according to Ikevamp Radio (ヴァンなま) Part 6

Episode 23: It's backkk!!

(I decided to put timestamps so ppl can watch/skip certain sections if they want to)

So apparently Morishi has officially taken over Makki’s role as MC as Makki is nowhere to be found haha.

Anyways we literally have 3 special guests in this video Horie Kazuma (Comte’s VA), Kamio Shinichiro (Faust’s VA), and Kijima Ryuichi (Charles’s VA) bc they’re celebrating Comte’s JP route release & the start of Act 2 of the game

Kijima & Morishi gives off the same vibes lol

Morishi introduces Faust’s character profile. The four start talking abt how if there was a person like Faust irl, they would not want to be friends w him even when he is good-looking

(38:00) There’s a new (?) segment called “Faust & Charles, What would you do?” where you (MC) are placed alone w Charles/Faust in a certain situation, and then the VAs will say the line out

The situation for Faust’s is… “you are falsely accused of stealing an art piece in a museum and are feeling down. Watching you, Faust says something to you. What does he say?” the options that the audience votes for are 1. “If you are feeling guilty for your crimes, I’ll listen to what you have to say… Haha, I’m kidding. If you continue to look so down, I’ll bully you even more” 2. “I know that you are innocent, but your struggling expression is  nice, too” 3. “It’s cheap! It’s cheap! The tuna’s cheap! Miss, if you have time to contemplate, go buy our tuna!” If the people can vote on the correct answer, the VA will say the line, but if they choose the wrong line, Horie will say the line instead (not as Comte but as a random dude)

(41:20) Option 2 was chosen, and it was not the correct, so Horie said funnily lol. Kamio says that the viewers are kinda dumb (baka)

(42:58) Morishi has Kamio say Faust’s line, so he says line 1 anyways

So apparently, there’s a second situation haha. Setting #2 is “It’s been around an hour deciding which glasses would fit you the most. You can’t decide which one would be the best. Faust says one thing while watching you struggle. What does he say?” 

The options are 1. “It's cheap! It’s cheap! The squid’s cheap! What about you use the squid-ring-fries as your glasses?” 2. “What about it? It’s one possibility to match glasses with me” 3. “How long are you going to ponder on for? Your face will not change, so just be who you naturally are” 

(45:34) The chosen line is… the third one!! Kamio says it yayy!!

(46:24) Onto Charles’s situation #1!! “An illness? It might be the flu… You’re not at your best and you zone out for a bit. Watching you, Charles tells you something. What does he say?” 1. “Are you okay? Here, come on my bed. Lay down, I’ll give you a hug… I’ll warm you up.” 2. “You’re sick? Then I’ll catch it for you. Get better soon” 3. “Why’re you catching a cold! If you have the time to catch a cold, you should finish making this sashimi!”

Horie will be reading the line if the audience chooses the incorrect one. (I feel like Kijima will be reading the legit one either way lol)

(48:30) The chosen one was… the first one!! Which was the correct one, therefore we get good voice lines :)) 

(49:13) Horie says the sashimi line haha

(49:45) Situation no 2 is “You’re eating out with Charles. You casually say ‘What really is love…?’ Replying, Charles says something. What does he say?” 1. “Hmm… I don’t really know, but is it love when I want to eat you? I don’t mind if you take a bite off of me.” 2. “What is love? Why don’t you try to find the answer… with my body.” (OMG I CANT THERES NO WAY I TYPED THAT lemme wash my hands and eyes) 3. “What is love? I don’t know. Go ask Nishino Kana or something! You wanna see me so much that you’re shaking? Then I’m shaking all year! I’m dying from the cold in the summer!” HAHAHA

(51:17) the correct answer was… answer 1!! Which was chosen as well

(51:57) Horie’s version AHHAHAHH he says line 3 he’s so funny

We get more lines from the two VAs since we got them correct (ignoring the mistake on Faust’s first one) (53:02) Faust says “Hmm? You have good instincts. I’m more curious about you. I’ll adore you like a guinea pig, so just roll around on my palm.” (53:57) Charles’s line “I had a feeling you were able to understand me. From now on, let’s spend a lot of time together. And then… you can love me even more”

(58:39) “I love yu” segment woooo. It’s a conversation between Faust and Charles, so no Sebas or Comte. (Wait they have baths at the castle?? Why am I surprised at this point)

Charles: “Doctor~ Would you like me to wash your back?” Faust: “I’ll be leaving” Charles: “Wait! Wait! Since we're together, let’s hang out.” Faust: “...How many times have you done that when I’ve been bathing? There are others who are willing to spend the night with you or hang out with.”

Charles: “Sigh, I had a feeling you were going to say that, so I’ve hidden the Doctor's clothes. If you leave the bath, you’ll be out naked” Faust: “Doing something without my permission… Well, the only people living here are men, so a single towel would do. I’ll be leaving.” 

Charles: “Wait! I got a message from Lord Vlad. He said ‘It’s the first time this castle’s bath-situation will be released. Be nice to the young ladies across the screen’” (So Vlad’s like Sebas that he can break the 4th wall… hmmmm) Faust: “‘the ladies across the screen?’ Oh, so that’s what that means. That old goat has finally gone senile, hasn’t he?” (the way Faust calls Vlad an old goat “じじい” is way ruder than I thought he says in Eng) Charles: “Kings are a bit different than us, so I don’t know what he’s saying either.”

Faust: “By the way, Charles, I smell a hint of blood on you. Did you attack someone today?” Charles: “I didn’t attack them! I just bit them and made them feel good.” Faust: “to feed off of them as an act of service…” Charles: “To me, that’s the same thing as an act of love. When do you feed off others, Doctor?” Faust: “When I feel like it, I’ll look for an opening and bite. That’s all. If they have interesting traits, then more the reason” (“interesting traits” may not be a good translation. Faust said 捕食対象 which is like traits of prey, kind of?? A bit difficult to translate)

Charles: “I’m curious what kind of person the Doctor's attracted to…”

Charles wants Faust to flirt w the audience or else he’ll sell Faust’s clothes out (Charles doesn’t know there’s an audience he just says ‘there’s someone out there that might be interested’) they say their lines (1:02:25) Faust & (1:02:57) Charles

Charles asks Faust if his glasses don’t cloud over the bath. Faust: “that’s a taboo question”

(1:09:20) Kamio: “Are you guys stupid??” LMAO when the audience doesn’t get the answer right

(1:22:44)”I love yu” segment w Comte & Sebas! The theme of today’s episode is “Teach me Comte! Secrets of an adult!”

Sebas: “Hmmm… I thought I heard a conversation from another bath that was not ours… Was that my imagination?” Comte: “You’re spacing out. Is something the matter, Sebas?” Sebas: “Right, I’m sharing a celebratory bath with Comte today, but to think I’ve been wondering about other people’s bathing situations…” 

Comte: “Celebratory? Is there something worth celebrating?” Sebas: “Of course there is! Congratulations on your route release, Comte.” *clap, clap*

Comte: “Route release? That’s an unusual word. What do you mean by that?” Sebas: “What are you joking about? You were happy when we were celebrating the other’s route release! Finally, the Comte’s secret is to be revealed, and I’m so dyungyun excited.” 

Comte: “Was there ever so much excitement concerning myself?” Sebas: “Yes, yes. Your past, for example.” Comte: “Born a noble, grown as a noble” Sebas: “Your relation with the pureblood, for example” Comte: “Oh, Vlad, right? He is an old acquaintance of mine.” Sebas: “Your previous relationships, for example” Comte: “Haha. Relationships, huh? A past lover once or twice. Something everyone is familiar with”

Sebas: “It’s as if you’re answering, but we’re not gaining any information, Comte. This just makes me more curious about your route”

Comte: “My past aside, I want to cherish the time that we spend in the mansion.” Sebas: “Of course. It’s not the mansion without you, Comte. Moments of kindness, moments of strictness, not forgetting the punishments on the residents when they’ve done something bad. What you would expect from the mansion’s papa.” Comte: “Haha. It’s not like I was planning to become a papa. The residents are filled with those who have strong characters.” Sebas: “They are unique, you can say. However, there are other moments where you show your ‘papa-ness’”

Comte: “Like when, for example?” Sebas: “According to my observations, when you send her a mountain of dresses and you’re caring for her, your ‘papa-ness’ is at its max” Comte: “I-is that so? I’m the one who brought her here to the 19th century. It bothers me sometimes. But being called a ‘papa’ gets me.”

(1:27:35) Sebas’s line (1:28:14) Comte’s line (i usually dont translate these lines cuz they’re so long sorry)

(1:29:10) Sebas calls Comte an “adult celebrity”

Another new segment called “Butler Skill: Improvement Lesson” where everyone will practice certain skills, which in this episode, is improving the skill of drawing. Morishi will draw Horie, Horie will draw Kijima, Kijima will draw Kamio, and Kamio will draw Morishi. They will try to draw each other as cute as possible. Presents each other’s drawings at (1:32:47) 

Good night voices start at (1:43:35) with Sebas, Comte, Faust, and Charles in this order

[linabirb]

HELLO LINA!! 6, 7, 12, 21 for the violence ask game please and ty!!

HI HI TARU thank you for sending these! (i'm going to get executed after this)

6. "which ship fans are the most annoying?"

twst: *sighs and gets closer to the mic and whispers* malleyuu.

no listen. fine. okay. i get it. it's like the most popular mc ship. maybe the most popular ship in general. but. can y'all stop acting like it's canon at least for a second. it's one thing when you just go "oh they're cute and i think it's possible for them to become canon!" but it's a completely different thing when you go "THIS SHIP IS OBVIOUSLY CANON AND IT WAS WRITTEN TO BE CANON AND ACTUALLY THIS WHOLE GAME IS ABOUT THEM". and i say that as someone who actually liked this ship when i first got into the game but then i started to realize that i enjoy other ships much more and listen to each their own but i genuinely hate how people make such a big deal out of EVERY SINGLE INTERACTION. yes call me a hypocrite because i act the same when it comes to my ships but at least i do it either with my friends or alone and i'm not actually trying to make other people feel bad about their ships or something. sure, i want to believe that most shippers don't have a "goal" like that, but sometimes.. it really does feel like a lot of those posts are just there to say "btw these two are canon and i won't let you forget it". and like?? so many people like to just make things up to make it seem like it really is the superior ship like remember how we talked about that one bday vignette line and i went through all the bday vignettes to show that mc saying malleus looked good in that outfit wasn't special and it wasn't them being especially nice to him and they complimented other guys too but some people went "SEE THIS IS PROOF THAT THEY'RE CANON". like sure, whatever, do what you want, but idk?? maybe don't claim that mc is giving him "special treatment" or something when it's not the case.

milgram: i don't think this fandom talks that much about ships, but even when some people do, i don't really mind? like idk i haven't really seen any people like that yet so yeah.

7. "what character did you begin to hate not because of canon but because of how the fandom acts about them?"

twst: HMMM this one is interesting because uhhh basically i started to hate pretty much all twst characters that i hate not bc of the fandom but simply because i don't like them? like i simply don't like those characters bc i either find them annoying, can't relate to them or i knew/know people like that irl and that makes me want to punch them even more. so yeah i don't think i have one! but if i already mentioned malleyuu. well. *gets closer to the mic again* malleus fans is this guy your uwu pure little soft baby or is this guy a cool powerful prince who doesn't even have to do anything because he's that cool. come on. come on yes i liked him too. yes i found him relatable too. but now i just really wanna say that. idk! maybe him not having any friends is kinda his fault! like this game tries so hard to make you feel bad for him it's embarrassing. it doesn't feel like a funny "haha get it he's based on maleficent" thing anymore. and i say that as someone who has anxiety and finds socializing extremely tiring and who doesn't have any irl friends. like sorry guys this is not your poor little meow meow and i am so tired of this fandom babying him and going "HE'S JUST LIKE ME FR" every time they see him. i'm not saying that finding him relatable is a bad thing bc i found him relatable too, but like. guys. please. again as someone who is also kind of a loner PLEASE. TALK TO PEOPLE. DON'T BE LIKE THIS MAN AND JUST GO "oh no nobody wants to talk to me :(" I KNOW HOW HARD IT CAN BE TRUST ME. i have so much more to say but i'll stop here bc sol's essay exists and it does a better job explaining it.

milgram: no characters here either bc i don't really have any character that i dislike or hate, like the worst thing that i can do is to just. not care about that character sjskslssdks and ngl. there's a lot of characters that i don't really care about

12. "the unpopular character that you actually like and why more people should like them"

twst: *GRABS THE MIC* ONE DAY I WILL WRITE AN ESSAY ABOUT WHY ROLLO UNIRONICALLY HAS MORE PERSONALITY THAN SOME "MAIN" CHARACTERS. listen. listen maybe it's just because i'm so tired of nrc characters that i need someone new. maybe. but the masquerade event really felt like a breath of fresh air and i will never shut up about it unless they make an event that is just as interesting. and twst has a lot of good events! ngl i actually kinda enjoy event stories more than the main story! but idk something about the masquerade is just. so. like they really gave us a whole new character (who is also voiced by hiroshi kamiya but also gets like two-three voicelines not counting the battle voicelines.), a whole new school, a whole new city, so much new lore, so much new worldbuilding-related stuff AND THEN JUST MOVED ON. I'M MANIFESTING PART 2 SO HARD. I WILL LITERALLY COME BACK TO WRITING FOR TWST JUST TO WRITE IT MYSELF IF WE DON'T GET ONE. (i'll be kinda ok with it if they make a halloween event that is just as fun but still..) but okay okay let me just. explain why i find this guy so interesting.

yes i also made fun of his design at first but now he's literally one of my fav characters to draw and not even bc i like him as a character. yes his outfit is extremely detailed and hard to draw but something about drawing it is so satisfying! also idk i love how tired and 😐 he looks bc dude same!! (i still don't know if he has dark circles or he wears eyeliner btw. i think he clearly has eyeliner in the trailer but in the actual game it's more like dark circles??)

i'm biased yes but the way he smiles is cute. like idk i think his smile is very soft :)

say what you want. say that he's manipulative because i agree this guy really did lie and really did betray everyone's trust, i'm not here to deny that, but i just want people to understand that this guy is not. like. as evil as they want to think he is. i'm not here to say that he's the kindest and most pure twst character or anything but i just want to say that if we don't count his goal and the way he tried to achieve it, it's clear that he really likes the city of flowers and he cares about it a lot, even if he's manipulative, he's very polite and nice to people, also based on what nbc students have said, he's a good student council president ("but he's just being manipulative-" AND SO WHAT?? BY BEING NICE (even if he's not sincere about it) HE'S ALREADY BETTER THAN MOST DORM LEADERS. RIDDLE (i say that as a huge riddle stan and apologist)?? LEONA?? AZUL (yes azul is also all nice and polite but let's be honest for a sec and admit that he's.. not really good at making it seem like he's not here for his goals or you know *mr.krabs' voice* FOR THE MONEY, basically it's obvious that he's not being honest, meanwhile with rollo, even if it's a lie, he actually makes people feel like he cares)?? NO SERIOUSLY I CAN GO ON JUST LOOK AT ALL THE DORM LEADERS except kalim. live laugh love kalim.

the fact that this guy is doing all the work, like taking care of the belltower, the gargoyles, etc, makes me cry every day. again, he really is doing more than some dorm leaders. and no, don't go "but (character name) did this thing once", like i'm pretty sure rollo does all those things every day.

listen. i'm gonna say it. when he was like "we should get rid of magic", i had that "the villain is kinda right" moment. because i'm sorry but twst is not really doing a great job at making us (or at least me personally) believe that magic can be good. like idk man. of course he should've done it differently, but i kinda think he was onto something. (wait oh no this sounds like a good fic idea-) i usually never agree with villains like that, but in this case.. idk, with all the overblots, people using their magic to do questionable things or to just be mean, etc..

have you seen me talk about T H E S C E N E on the server. wanna see me do that again. okay. AGAIN SAY WHAT YOU WANT. SAY THAT HE WAS GOING TO USE MC FOR SOMETHING. SAY THAT HE JUST HATES MAGIC USERS (which he does but that's not the point rn). BUT THAT ONE SCENE WHEN HE MEETS YUU SHOWS THAT HE'S ONE OF THE FEW CHARACTERS WHO ACTUALLY WENT "hey isn't that too much work for someone who's magicless" AND THAT'S ALREADY SOMETHING. i can say more but that will sound like i'm being biased (and i already sound like that) so i won't. NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND I WANT ROLLO AND MC TO INTERACT AGAIN IN PART 2 SO BADLY. "oh yuu will just hate him" guess what. i've never said that i want their relationship to be all cute and soft. enemies to lovers IS GREAT.

a reminder that malleus himself acknowledged that this guy's magic is really strong and that he's very talented. HE SOMEHOW BROUGHT BACK THE FLOWERS THAT WENT EXTINCT. (again a good fic idea-)

i can say something about the nrc characters too but tbh all of them have a fanbase so i don't think i can say much. i could say something about the rsa characters and i love them but i'm gonna be honest.. they really should give us more rsa content. give me a whole rsa event. do it cowards.

milgram: again, all characters have their fans, so i can't say that anyone there is unpopular, but i still have some things to say. tbh i'm not.. a fan of how, like, some (or even most) people who like amane just like her because "well she's a cute child!! therefore she's pure and innocent and has never done anything wrong!!" yes this is coming from an inno voter and her biggest apologist and at first i really did like her bc she seemed cute, but after i listened to her vd, i ended up liking her even more because it's like.. idk, something about her behavior is so accurate. like, yes, she's a victim. yes, she's a child who was brainwashed and manipulated. but that doesn't mean she will go "oh noooo help me pleaseeeee :(" or anything, no, she will go "no, my god is always right and i've also never done anything wrong so i think you know what to vote me" AND THAT'S SO COOL. I LIKE CHARACTERS LIKE THAT I LIKE CHARACTERS WHO CLEARLY WENT THROUGH A LOT BUT THEY'RE NOT BEING EXACTLY SYMPATHETIC. and it makes me so sad to see some people ignoring those traits and turning her into a completely different character. thankfully i haven't seen that many people do that, but still, i remember watching her vd and seeing some people go "oh no i thought she was all cute but she's actually so annoying". like wow people really will stan any cute child character until they find out that child character has a personality and they're not as perfect as they imagined them to be. and that sucks. but also yeah i wish i could see more content with her! she definitely has her fans, but still..

also i have some things to say about yuno: she's definitely very popular, but i'm not a fan of the fact that some people like.. idk, it seems like some people like her just bc "oh well she confessed that her "crime" is abortion, soooo she's innocent and she's better than most characters there" like SHE'S SUCH A DEEP CHARACTER I CAN TALK ABOUT HER FOR HOURS. I LOVE HER NOT JUST BC OF HER PERSONALITY OR HER PINK AESTHETIC I ACTUALLY RELATE TO HER A LOT AND. I KNOW SHE MOST LIKELY WOULDN'T LIKE TO HEAR ME SAY IT BUT I LOVE HER AND SHE DESERVES TO BE HAPPY AND I'M NOT SAYING IT BECAUSE SHE'S "pure" OR "her crime isn't even a crime". i know she may seem like a "flat character" but i swear she's deeper than that. it may sound like i'm overthinking stuff but hey, overthinking stuff is this project's whole point.

21. "part of canon you think is overhyped"

twst: i'm gonna say it. main story is. kinda boring. like i couldn't care less about the updates or new chapters or anything, again, i'm more interested in the events. i get it, the whole point of the main story is overblots and the overblot gang's backstories, but tbh i got tired of it after like chapter 4. i get it, it's literally the main story, of course people will talk about it, but i just.. can't make myself care about it.

milgram: THIS ONE ACTUALLY MADE ME THINK BECAUSE.. tbh nothing about it feels overhyped to me, at least right now? like i feel like the whole project is almost based on this feeling like "what's gonna happen next" or "what should i do" or "how should i react to this". so yeah again i don't think i have anything to say AGAIN I'M SORRY JDFKSLDLD. i could talk about the novels, but also.. not that many people know about the novels or are interested in them, so yeah, i definitely can't say they're overhyped. i could say how i'm not really that interested in the ninth and tenth mvs and the purge march is the only mv that i'm excited for rn, but that's just, again, me being biased and i definitely wouldn't say those mvs are overhyped. i also really want to see them! i just don't care about those characters as much.

[enneamage]

do you think wilbr is going to be the reason the band breaks? i don’t really mean disbanding necessarily but just like not working out lmao

i also kinda wanna know ur thought in lovejoy in general, their dynamic (as little or much we have seen), how they approach their projects and their music in general. bc i used to be a big big fan of wlbrs and everything he did was awesome for me, but as time passed and he started streaming less and stuff i kinda just saw as “meh” and now i listen to lovejoy and it’s like 🧐 “hmm, it’s not as good as i thought”

he mentions a lot of alex turner and julian casablancas as inspirations but idk, in their debut albums they were so good and well thought and idk i’m rambling i’m sorry

Wilbur is the dude I know the most about, and also the one that I relate to the most as the major potential liability, but that also comes from a place of not knowing the others very well. I'm naturally most concerned with him because his flaws come to mind easily but that's just from availability of information. An anon once made a point that he does better under situations where he’s being held to a structure so his flake tendencies might get curbed by circumstance, so it’s in the air.

Ash has done a very good job at making himself known as loveable mime. He’s an interesting one, he seems very creative. He helped dream up Tommy’s faux life bits, which makes more sense in retrospect since Ash’s whole public persona is a bit about him never speaking. Ash might not be the face of lovejoy but when I think about what is exclusive to Lovejoy I think of him, while Wilbur has been all over the place. He's what has me kind of rooting for Lovejoy in spite of my caution around them.  

Mark and joe are total wildcards for me. Squarely out of my depth with them and don't have much info to go off, so they could turn out to be anything. I’m not actively following any of them so if info washes up somewhere I can find it I can take a look, but for now they’re thing one and thing two in my brain.

The genre that Lovejoy plays in isn’t my usual go-to so I can’t be as 'objective' as I would want to be assessing their sound. I know I'm in an echo chamber when it comes to criticism, but just about everyone in this conversation is in at least some form of one (the natural mcyt fandom marbling based on who watches who) so it comes with the territory.

When I talk about them with people irl I have found an unexpected consensus: for a band that took off in the context of minecraft youtube they bang, but if you stand them shoulder to shoulder with their genre peers it doesn't come out as well right now. It's almost not fair to compare them, but you have to if you want to switch from one pool to the other. Already liking the people involved seems to help a lot with how much you like their music, as you've experienced, but taste is always subjective.

Overall they're being flung at the wall at high speeds under the right conditions, a lot of attention and a lot of streams from a lot of people, so it's likely that they're going to stick at least somewhat. The grand decontextualizing machine, Spotify, is sneaking them into other peoples orbits every day. How much is enough will depend on what the intended outcome is.

Is it possible to be too big to fail? Because they're already in the public consciousness there's enough of them to drift around, but predictions in 2023 in general are the thing everyone wants and nobody knows enough to be able to make. Divination is going to skyrocket, mark my words.

Nothing is guaranteed and I think that's the cazy-making thing of watching someone with issues wander off into the sunset, not knowing if or when things will explode and wipe out the happy ever after. It may wind up being adaptive for Wilbur to lean more into the music scene because he wouldn't be the first questionable character that thrived there by a long shot. Ultimately it's out of my depth and I can't tell, because there's something to doubt about both the happy ever after rockstar narrative of main and the straight-up-flop counter-narrative too. I think it makes most sense to aim for the middle and brace for the unexpected, because that seems to be the formula for handling any of these people whose careers were supercharged on the back of something that could never have been predicted to begin with.  

[corneliushickey]

‘rhys ifans/ralph fiennes erotic leg massage hypnosis kink thigh wound cunnilingus?? what is HAPPENING... ‘ please please explain this

my friend i wish i could tell you that something other than exactly what i just said was happening but i was being completely straightforward

i was watching the king's man (2021) which i expected to be bad but which exceeded every expectation i had for it by being unbelievably worse

there is a scene where rhys ifans (as rasputin) gives a bad parody of cunnilingus to the scar in ralph fiennes' (as the duke of oxford) thigh. it's played for laughs but it isn't funny. fiennes really commits to the sincere eroticism angle but ifans is doing like... monty python.

i cannot stress enough how much i don't recommend you watch this movie because it is a giant waste of time. i found it a waste of time and i have a crush on rasputin (irl guy), otto hightower (fake guy, rhys ifans with a scraggly beard) and like every other british guy in this movie (ralph fiennes, charles dance, tom hollander). none of this made any of it worth it. it retains none of the charm of the original film or its sequel and makes no meaningful lore contributions. it is badly written, paced, and acted, and i found shola (djimon hounsou's character) to be a really racist trope and also the singular person of color in all two hours and eleven minutes.

i stopped watching it about an hour and ten minutes in because rasputin dies at exactly the halfway mark and i had no interest in watching past that. i’ll be honest with you he might come back? idk i didn’t care enough to google it or to skim through the rest of the movie trying to find out if he does.

that said i've screencaped the entire exchange for you. it is much better this way. under the cut bc this is so image heavy.

i've skipped some set up but they go to a private room and there is a drawn out exchange about fiennes taking off his trousers.

anyway this is what i mean about fiennes leaning into the eroticism... it’s giving “i thought i was a fucking faggot” “you are.... but you’re bisexual” which in some ways is what all of fiennes’ roles give all the time. that’s why i like him so much.

please listen to me when i tell you how much better the screencaps make this than what it actually is. 

if you know about the myth of rasputin's assassination this whole like... i think it's ten minutes? this whole scene is full of "ha! i know that reference"s. but like in a grim weary sigh kind of way.

here’s him eating the cyanide filled almond cake. ha! get it? i know that reference. fiennes is staring at him with a sort of raised brow through this but then ifans like... in a spat of monty python/borat sort of comedy just like crushes the entire half cake into his mouth really violently which i’m not going to screencap bc i can’t watch it without covering my face with both hands. here’s the aftermath.

while taking these screenshots i realized how inconsistent rhys’ eye makeup is? either they didn’t have a script supervisor or they didn’t care. i mean, or they made the change deliberately because these scenes are lit differently. but it’s funnier if we assume the first option.

anyway. here’s the thigh wound cunnilingus. i had to watch this so many times to get these i hope you appreciate it.

there’s slightly more after this but the gist is that ifans hypnotizes fiennes in a fit of ecstasy to reveal his secret intentions to influence the tsar (tom hollander), and then when he has all the information he needs he stops but miraculously fiennes’ leg is actually fixed

if you have hbo max and you want to watch this despite all my warnings not to the time stamps are 0:43:00 to 0:58:33 for the whole exchange, from them arriving at the winter palace to rasputin dying

[caelumsnuff]

ah you changed your user and i could not find you! how could you lol! glad you're still here <3 i'm gonna add to the filler spree convo we're mostly in rn and idk idk i don't know if it's mostly fandom. i feel like it's money?? why would a dude who makes six figures on patreon alone care about youtube's adsense?? idk idk greed?? but since it takes more effort to routinely make a cohesive and engaging plot and the views for lore drop videos (which i wish erik would stop those even tho i like lore and incorporate the info into videos with relevant plot lines like how in books and movies they don't recommend those writers info dump) and plot-heavy works that aren't inversion don't get views.

the only 100k view videos the past 3/4 months are sleep audios cause of those casual listeners (and not even the gavin one which at least had some v v v slight character development in it). if all you had to do was stick a mic near your chest for your heartbeat and breathe to get 140k+ views lmao and your (albeit poorly done) final episode of a villain's plot doesn't crack 50k then you'll prob heed to those casual listeners. he used to make celebratory discord posts when characters got their first 100k views on a video, he made a big deal when that now-moved lasko in the movie theater audio reached a million views, and he had a patreon livestream around when he made the mario tournament audio where he lightly mentioned it being a bummer when videos didn't do well (he made light of it but still).

he mentioned in an old q&a about doing this to tell stories the way he wanted, but i feel like the views and money are what's steering him away from it??

HELLO!!! Yes im still here! Not leaving now and dont plan on it anytime soon lol. Im happy you found me again 😊

I feel like money is literally the only other option aside from the possibility that hes simply lost interest in the stories he was telling. Maybe he still cares about telling good stories deep down, but i think even if thats true the views and money is winning out. Which is just sad, this started out as a hobby and it should stay as such. Especially with him having so many patrons on top of his IRL job. Patrons don’t just…. Leave easily. He might lose casual viewership, but patrons and dedicated fans would stick around if he started valuing quality>quantity again. Do you know how happy i would be if he started uploading less often in favor of releasing better written, plot-centric videos??? You would Not believe it. And youtubers who do that literally garner a dedicated fanbase, there are artists out there who have a trove of patrons supporting them through several months without releasing art because they love it and its of high quality. Erik is more than capable of doing that.

I really do just think the man has so much potential, and i feel its not being executed to its peak right now. If he sat down and gave himself even like…. Idk one upload a week or one every two weeks, he could be writing better thought out videos.

Anyways, i definitely agree with you that its the money and views steering him away. Which is a damn shame, bc once again… 6 figures on patreon + a day job. He does not need to kneel for The Algorithm™️.

Views/hits/likes dont determine the value or quality of your art. Ignore the views, write a good story because its something you wish to make FUCK what other people think! Create from your heart knowing its the best you could put out in that moment, not just something you think will garner views. You know how amazing some videos with 1k views are on youtube??? Fics with 100 hits??? Art with 6 likes???? Just Create with all you are, others will find your passion and feel blessed to have been able to do so.

[owlmylove]

Just had the very distressing thought that if I ever want to have a girlfriend I'm gonna have to TALK to a girl?!?!??!?!?!?

I'd have to talk to a girl that I LIKE and HAVE A CRUSH ON?!?!? Impossible! Please help a distressed lesbian if you have any advice

okay so: in my personal experience 90% of all lesbian flirting is eyeing up fellow women to discreetly try to determine if they, too, are wlw. then you compliment each others button downs and never speak to each other again

BUT if you would like to painstakingly attempt to challenge the starfish fallacy then read on for my comprehensive guide on flirting w/ women! (credentials: i have accidentally flirted with So Many Women oh my god)

first up: start with the art of compliments! if you're too shy to tell a girl they're gorg out of nowhere, then focus on their clothing, their haircuts, their cool shoes, the patches on their denim jackets, etc. opening a convo with a compliment is one of the easiest shortcuts, as it neatly prevents you from having to come up w/ a witty rejoinder right off the bat (save those for later)

physical proximity makes it easy to do this to someone standing or sitting next to you. if, however, they're on the other side of the room/otherwise engaged, it gets trickier. if ur confident enough to walk up to a girl in a coffeeshop + compliment her, GO FOR IT. but if you're too anxious to just coldcall her, approach with a question.

you can warp the compliment to fit the question, i.e. "Hey! Sorry to interrupt [your reading], but your book looks super interesting/I've seen it around & am debating whether to buy it. Would you recommend it?" or, re: outfits/haircuts "Hey! Your ____ is super cute, can I ask where you got it [done]?" if they're a classmate/coworker, you can make it even less direct: "Hey! Do you know when we're scheduled to do ____?" (<- this one comes w/ the perk of, pending her response, immediately asking for her # to swap shifts or trade notes, which can quickly allow for inviting her to a study group/after work drinks with coworkers. speedrun!!)

once Conversation is Initiated, maintain eye contact, listen attentively to their replies, and keep smiling/smizing. if they're reticent, follow up with more questions unless you're getting fuck off vibes ("I'm trying to get more into reading lately, would you have any other reccs?" or, "I haven't found a hairstylist yet since I moved here from _____, are there any other local spots you'd recommend?")

BUT if they're returning eye contact, smiling, and keeping open body language towards you, make it a full-on convo! offer some personal details in return, don't be afraid to make (non-risky!!!!) jokes, and (if you can control when & where you're moving, i.e. not during a job or class) have a built-in exit.

even if convos are going good, it's polite (+ leaves them wanting more via scarcity principle, etc. etc.) to end a brief first-time convo after a few minutes, ideally before the energy winds down & you're left feeling awkward. "it's been so lovely meeting you! [insert name here], right? I've got to get going, but thanks for the ___!" if you wanna play the long game/are in a coffeeshop/aren't confident enough yet (no shame!) ask if she comes here regularly and say you hope to see her around sometime soon.

if you've managed to get a good enough energy going: ask if she has an insta/social media you could get for _____ purpose, i.e. letting her know if you like the book/music/media she recc'd or asking for more local spots. IF, however, you don't wanna put yourself at the whim of her generosity: give yourself a cheat code during the initial conversation.

namely; reference something you'd recommend, think she'd find funny, or can't believe she hasn't seen yet, etc. etc. then, at the end of the convo, you can naturally offer "Oh! Lemme send you that X I mentioned--do you have an insta/social?" et voila. asking for social is always less awk/direct than asking for phone numbers, AND it lets the flirtee decide whether she wants to offer that level of trust just yet

if you're not coldcall flirting a girl in public, but rather have an object of your affections at work or school: this formula works p. much the same, but on a slower scale (if you don't use my speedrun ofc) start building a rapport via compliments/questions, progress to chatting briefly whenever you see each other, and third step: say "I saw something yesterday that totally reminded me of you/I just have to send to you!! Here-do I have your insta yet?"

once you have someone's insta: continue chatting when you see them irl/replying to their stories over social, and see if you can pay close enough attention to what she likes to do. judging by the number of accidental lesbian dates i've been on, it's probably

art museum

botanical gardens, or

burlesque shows

however, hikes, used bookstores, underground shows, and grocery shopping together for a subsequent picnic also feature prominently. invite her to do whatever activity you think you'd both enjoy most (over social or irl, whichever you're comfortable with [tho irl gives you a better judge of facial expressions/body language]) and boom. if she says yes, shoot back "it's a date!" after setting the day/time, bc if she's anywhere near as clueless as i am (i'm so sorry wlw) they may honestly think you're still just friends.

if, over the course of your irl convos or DMs, you have the chance to casually mention your sexuality (patches, pride is coming up, mention "my teenage crush/my ex-girlfriend") and ask for hers, go for it. if you can be direct: ask directly. it will save you time, trouble, and mild heartbreak. but if you suffer from the conflict avoidance that plagues lo so many of us: just lean into the subtext.

offer your celebrity crushes and ask what hers are. mention an ex (BRIEFLY, in connection to another topic entirely [she recc'd this cool band to me!] and always in a positive context). wear birkenstocks or docs and say Portrait of a Lady on Fire is the best film of all time, say you listen to girl in red or w/e those charming youths do. just lay the foundation in barely-subtext and keep an eye on her responses, while accepting the risk of wooing what may or may not be a fellow wlw

once you are, in point of fact, ON the date: standard rules and rates apply. relax! be urself!! enjoy spending time with a cool person, regardless of what may or may not come of it!!!! if she seems into it lean into physical proximity, do the whole Tarzan hand-comparison wlw are addicted to, offer to feed her bites of food or swap sips of each other's drinks, and casually set intentions for future plans ("I've never heard of X cafe--we'll have to do that next time!" or, the infamous buy-her-smth-secretly and then offer "You can get mine next time c:")

again, the most important thing is to be sincere. it's good not to place too many expectations on the other person, but don't force yourself to be overly "chill" if you are not, in point of fact, a chill person. dating is always a process of getting to know one another, and it's important to be polite but pls don't feel like you have to follow a script or be someone you're not. just be you babe: you're already plenty lovable. godspeed + good luck!!<33

[yourfriendlele]

So... someone sent me this:

 “I really hate ship wars involving a same sex ship vs a straight pairing because of the tendency  for the claims of homophobia if you dont ship the same sex pairing or say there wasnt evidence ( the term shipping goggles exist because there are people who found evidence where there was none for their ship and this applies to same sex ships which are just ships in the end they can be badly written / forced just like straight pairing can be badly written and deserve criticism they deserve equal treatment if criticizing or hate on a het pairing is allowed and doesnt make you a bigot ( hating someone based on sexuality makes  you a bigot regardless power is not required its only required in oppression)  neither does doing it to same sex pairings it doesnt matter that there arent as many   canon   . like with blacksun do you know how many times someone claimed forced het I have seen like in v3″ 

First of all… are you the person who randomily accused me of “making a joke out of real homophobia and turning it into ship wars” and said that i somehow affirmed “gay ships are above criticism” under my comic? And tagged some friends so they could reblog all that bs? And then when i called you out, you deleted the reblog (tho it still exists, people rebloged it)? Is that you?

Second of all, okay…. who said I don’t criticise same sex ships the same way i criticise het ships? No seriously, where did you get that from? Did you just say that out of nowhere hoping people would buy it?

Third of all, ok some people told you bs is forced and…? Listen, i don’t think bs is the devil, it’s cute enough, not my thing, but yeah, i get why people ship it. I also think it’s not that good or the “meant to be/ correct ship” in coparisson to bb… bb has problems with pacing, and de dialogue is definetely not the best, but blacksun does have some moments that are in fact kinda forced, like treating sun following blake in v4 as something cute, when in reality thats creepy as fuck, even when the guy has good intentions. Does everybody need to pretend that was well written? I thought it was bad writing in twilight, and i thought it was bad writing in fifty shades of grey, so yeah, it’s just as bad in rwby dude, sorry. Again, not terrible and unforgivable and im not gonna pretend im better than everyone that like Blacksun bc of that, but yes, i’ll call it forced.

And listen, if you’re telling me Yang asking blake to dance is “shipping goggles” bc “clearly that wasn’t meant to be read as romantic” (even though, yeah, asking someone to dance with you can be considered a romantic gesture irl), but Sun stalking blake in v4 is “absolutely a romantic moment bc he’s a good guy” (which he is, i understand the writers didn’t mean to make him abusive, but still, following someone like that isn’t, and has never been, a romantic gesture), then yeah…. i’ll assume you’re homophobic. Can’t you see the obvious double standard???? Do you want me to pretend i don’t see it?

You don’t have to like the ship, i don’t particurlaly like bs, or arkos or rosegarden, but i see the moments that can be considered romantic. Bb has moments that can be considered romantic. You don’t have to like it to see it.

Also, the absolute bullshit arguments you anti bb guys come at me with makes it even harder to believe you have any decent intentions… ‘oh you watch a show just for lesbians???? sorry some of us care about actual writing!” Oh sorry, i didn’t know me watching the wilds bc of the wlw ship cancelled me reading 1984 bc it’s a literature classic. Lemme ask you something, does me wanting to watch the gucci movie bc i wanna see lady gaga in it also cancel me wanting to watching “us” bc i find Jorndan Peele a wonderful storyteller? 

[dyketubbo]

mkay. ive woken up, it doesnt seem like theres any new developments, so. post explaining what the hells been going on about the ae/emeraldduo qpr discourse ig woo. this is going to be from my perspective, because i am one person. shocker. anyways,

basic summary: i made a post saying that because c!kristin is canon and philza and techno have boundaries against shipping, i believed that maybe there should be a genuine effort to chill out with putting c!philza and c!technoblade in a qpr or platonic marriage, as c!philza being married to c!kristin is based off the irl marriage and c!philza and c!technos friend dynamic is based off the ccs dynamic even outside of the dream smp (such as, of course, the antarctic empire being a smpearth thing). i also said this because i feel like theres a genuine problem in the fandom with how it treats kristin, not only in fanart (making her skinny and white), but also just. in general, overshadowing her with the idea of emeraldduo being married, shit like that, and it irked me esp bc shes a woc while philza and techno are white men.

people get pissed at me, both to my face and behind my back, and i get insulted, called stupid, arophobic, anti-polyam, told i dont understand friendship and that i dont have friends. i joined a server just to wake up and find myself banned and blocked with no explanation, left to assume that i was talked about behind my back while i was unable to defend myself. out of all the people who disagreed with me, one person. one. person. was nice to me and didnt call me arophobic, actually giving me constructive criticism and a chance to elaborate. one. i finally start to feel better two days after the fact, consulting people outside the fandom to get second opinions and getting happy when people agreed with me and even gave insight to things i didnt consider, and what do i get?

someone rbed to tell me "not to go on twitter" because people were talking about me, and informing me that there was a group chat dedicated to "talking about how wrong [i am]". what the rest of the post said, i dont remember, because the person seems to have me blocked and i fucking panicked after being told theres literally an entire group of people talking about me on twitter- of which, yknow. is known for harassing people and even once had a black girl doxxed?? not to mention that the person who mocked me for supposedly not having friends did so when i said to leave me alone, and ive said publicly for people to leave me alone consistently, and. well, insulting and going after someone, or even talking about them behind their back, when they said to leave them alone is in fact harassment, by definition.

im accused of not listening to philza, with the only clip being given to me of him talking about c!emeraldduo being like "the platonic version of achilles and patroclus", as if platonic = queerplatonic. yesterday was the first time i was given a clip of phil talking about qprs specifically, given to me by someone who didnt evem disagree with me anyways, again showing the people disagreeing with me were barely actually willing to cooperate with me. i have. complicated feelings on the clip (mainly with how its worded as just headcanons and only given the definition of "platonic life partners" which.. hm.), but this post isnt about that.

regardless, i vent to my friends, because i was having a delusional breakdown, and one makes a post saying they didnt want to interact with the fandom after people went after me. they inform me that both people who insulted me before and others reblogged from their post to again assert that im arophobic, claim that no one was talking about me outside of people publicly talking about how "arophobic" i am (which.. is people talking about me), claim that i called people racist and sexist (i didnt?? i dont think anyones racist and sexist, not even for what i brought up concerning the fandoms treatment of kristin, it gives me a bad taste in my mouth, but i would never call anyone racist or sexist for it [outside of the whitewashing but thats a different issue from the qpr discussion]), and then they were sent anon hate, one even asserting that they were arophobic and talking over minority groups and therefore deserved to be in their bad home situation. outside of their post being in the dream smp tag, its hard to believe that people just. normally found their post. unless they were going through the recent posts in the dream smp tag (which i dont feel is the case), it is.. concerning that they found my friend trying to defend me so quickly and immediately decided to continue to talk about me behind my back and even insult them as well.

so.. yknow, not great in asserting that there arent people tracking me somehow, which is incredibly triggering and paranoia inducing.

either way, in the end, if people disagree with me about the situation, i dont care, i cant stop them, but i just want people to stop being fucking pricks about it. i want people to stop being pissy at me and about me, i want people to stop insulting me and telling me and telling people i interact with that im arophobic when im not. i want people to stop pretending to care when they tell me to take a break when theyre the fucking reasons i have to take a break. i want people to stop being condescending to me, to stop talking about me, to stop acting like theyre superior while fucking insulting me.

i just wanted to bring up an issue about the lack of respect kristin gets, and people as always turned it into something about philza and technoblades relationship when that was literally the behavior that i was complaining about. i hate that me wanting to talk about how kristin and her marriage to phil is treated turned into me having several breakdowns in one day because i kept getting worse and worse news about how people were treating me. i hate that i did take breaks, that i actively distracted myself, went outside, took care of my pets, took care of myself, talked to my friends, and yet people just acted condescending and went all "if you cant handle criticism then leave :/".

what the fuck is wrong with you people? why is it that this fandom actively defaults to harassment and using ccs against fans when an issue arises? and i fucking hate that this is my first goddamn actual interaction with aeduo fans. im genuinely terrified of aeduo fans now if this is how they react to problems. fuck everyone who talked about me behind my back, fuck everyone who acted condescending towards me, fuck everyone who called me arophobic or anti-polyam or whatever the hell they had up their sleeves, fuck every single grown ass adult who saw a teenager have a fucking breakdown over the shit they did and said and decided to continue. fuck everyone who didnt even bother to have a goddamn level conversation with me before insulting me and attempting to tell others that im arophobic and other shit like that.

this shit happened because of two paragraphs. i said two goddamn paragraphs about a personal issue with the fandom i had and now ive genuinely been pushed almost to the point of relapsing. i dont give a shit if people think i have a victim complex, i just want people to leave. me. alone. its the fucking least you could do. oh, and go fuck yourself. if you genuinely thought id be apologizing after that shit, fuck you. i shouldnt have to be the better person with this shit, i shouldnt be pushed to choking on my own fucking tears because people wont let it fucking be. im not goddamn apologizing after three days of getting insulted and harassed and talked about behind my back for a fucking shipping issue. piss off.

[majicmarker]

so i’ve had a lot on my mind lately — the good, the bad, the ugly, you know the drill. i’m used to the bad and the ugly, but i think (and ofc by my therapist’s rec) i need to give a little credit to the good, too. not to mention the good is largely comprised of people, and those people deserve a sports stadium wave, yk? idk shit abt sports, whatever, but i know what the wave is and it’s like the grandest gesture i can think of, SO

listen, y’all. to get real here, i hate fandom. my time spent therein has been hit-or-miss, but the misses got me hard and contributed to some major self-loathing, etc etc. we’re not gonna get into the specifics, i don’t owe that to anyone, but suffice it to say things got Rough.

but so much of it can be so, so good. and rn i want to keep on my rose-colored glasses, and the rosiest parts for me have always been @kitten1618x and @mygutsforgarters

(quite a few others, too, but i no longer have everyone’s info. and some ppl are newer friends, or relationships that have moved more slowly. i have mad love for u guys too, obvs, but ik melissa and gus irl so we know each other More and they’re who this post is rly about atm. pls know i don’t want to harsh on anyone’s feelings)

the tl;dr version of events is i met them both via fanfic. i happened upon theirs like “bitch!!!! **i** wanna do this, they’re bomb as hell” and then i made them be friends w me. they’ll tell you they wanted to be friends w me first, but that’s not important bc **i** am the one making this post, so they can both like,, suck it.

ANYWAY.

@ melissa : so bitch listen. here’s the thing abt melissa…… i found her while browsing jonsa fic back when i cared abt GOT, and she brought me back to what i loved so much abt romance when i first started, way back in junior high, what’s up. i bad a fascination w historial romantic epics for a loooooong time — those formative yrs, amirite ladies??? — but girl i could never write it so well as melissa. immediately she struck this balance between the drama you expect from historicals and the levity of a good romance, and i was just like, “hand to god this woman must be published already, surely???”

(she’s not, but that’s ridiculous so we’re gonna skip that)

(also she’s busy?? we’ve been friends for like six years and i will never know how many kids she actually has, but the point is she’s a goddamn superhero and i’m obsessed w her, MOVING ON)

i just Had to be her friend for two reasons: 1) she’s too talented, and b) i have said that abt 2 ppl my entire life and she was the first, so i was like, “AH YES MY HOLY GRAIL”

so ofc i slid into her DMs just as effectively as that one guy i had a crush on when i was sixteen and he’s still shooting me texts every valentine’s day bc of the societal pressures i guess (it is Far Less Effective these days, he’s my age and therefore too young for me, gross, but i digress), except me and melissa go way stronger.

she reminded me of why, half a lifetime ago, i started writing romance — bc it’s fun, bc i want to. bc i can do absolutely anything i want, bc who else is gonna read it but me and whoever i share it with? it was all up to me what i wanted to do with it, and i could do anything. nothing really mattered but what i wanted, and i hadn’t felt that way abt anything in such a long time — let alone abt something i used to love so much.

melissa’s writing is so beautiful, it’s everything i wanted to achieve when i was fifteen and never got around to perfecting. and i’m totally okay w that now, bc what do i need to do myself that she’s not already doing/wants to do in the future? when i found melissa’s writing i found a missing part of me — a part i’d maybe lost, maybe i gave it up, idk, but it was totally gone until i found her fics and they fucking clicked. i had to reach out bc there was a part of me that was a part of her, and she helped me find that again w/o even knowing it.

so i found melissa via GOT, and from the start she’d been trying to get me to write some bethyl. years and years, she dropped not-so-subtle hints — and by “hints,” i mean legit directives that i watch just enough TWD to write her some beth/daryl fic. real crafty, she is.

eventually the stars aligned: i was bored w the same dynamics i’d been writing for years, i wanted smthn new, i was restless, i was line editing a bethyl fic she’d written, and — again — this shit clicked. her fic made me want to explore this dynamic i’d never done before, so i watched the prerequisite episodes (no more than that tho, i super hate the show and i’m begging y’all to not @ me abt it anymore). i found smthn that i’d been missing, smthn that challenged and excited me and brought me back around to why i love romance and, more importantly, why i want to write it myself.

so as i was starting to write bethyl, i was poking around the ao3 tag to get a feel for what had been done, what hadn’t, anything i might be missing. and goddamn BAM —

@ gus : this is where u enter dramatically thru a red velvet curtain that i don’t wanna touch (Metaphorically bc you do romance better than me and i’m cool w that bc your talent simply Cannot be touched, and Literally bc i hate velvet) — i was like, “please for the love of god let her want to write contemporary romance, i need some good fckin food”

i happened upon “doo wah diddy diddy” first. ofc the summary hooked me, forget my usual hard no against pregnancy fics (i have issues w pregnancy and that’s all anybody Needs to know, back off), but This Bitch !!!!!!! has a way with words and i wanted to be friends w her straightaway. lmao too bad for her, now she’s stuck w me

gus’s fics gave me what i wanted without having to write it myself. her style is so distinctive, she hits the notes between porn and Actual Affection that is missing from uhhhh, every romance i’ve tried?? (why is everyone so intent on the sex part?? fckin chill. at best it’s unrelatable and at worst u sound like u’d rather wear someone than fuck them, check urself)

she writes w such care, she wants you to know what she’s doing here, and what she’s doing here is combining the physical and emotional needs of both characters w/o infringing on anyone’s comfortability. you root for these characters bc they simply want to be together, no strings (and if there are strings, damn, they talk abt it).

gus makes you believe in love in the modern age. like, not to sound like one of those ppl who post fckin “no one in this generation knows how to love!!!1!!11!!” memes on facebook, those are dumb, but gus’s writing made me think “yeah man, love ain’t dead, it’s just abt how we approach it.”

(if y’all haven’t guessed yet, i have some hang-ups abt relationships. i’ve goddamn earned those. but melissa and gus both brought me back to where i needed to be — in this place where, yeah, we’ve got some shit to deal with, but we all still deserve the things we want, and those things are achievable. i could not have gotten here without them, so jot that down.)

gus is Real, she’s funny, she’s unapologetic in the way she writes. ofc she has her personal hurdles, but who doesn’t?? and tbh nobody writes a sex scene like gus does. physical, realistic, but balanced w the emotional depth that makes you root for these characters bc you can Feel how much they want each other — not just sexually, but in the less-erotic aftermath of that passion. it continues to blow my mind, bc i’ve never seen anyone do what she does. i can’t even pinpoint the specifics, bc she just… Does It. and you’re reading it like “yeah bitch that’s it,” and That’s It.

it’s fckin wild.

these two — my best friends, the lights of my life, both of whom always make me crave chicken tenders at THE most inconvenient hours bc somehow we always talk abt chicken or ice cream or ultimately DQ, but they're both so hot idec — have something special.

i really, really want them both to know that: it’s not just in how they’ve treated me as a friend, but who they are as people, in their creative pursuits. i’ve never known support the way they’ve shown me; i’ve never known this much enthusiasm or investment or belief that i can do what i want with my talent. i want them to know that i feel the same way abt them and their works.

sometimes, when i look back at their writing that completely kicked my ass, i still can’t believe that they’ve become two of my best friends. it’s totally bonkers. they’re This Talented, and they wanna be friends w my spastic ass? GIRL. i’m out.

i’m not always the best at being present, at giving people what they need when they need it. but with everything that melissa and gus have given me in the past few years, i need them to know this — honey!!! i need all y’all to know this, bc i know fandom shit is hard, but you should know some of these friendships are so, so worth all that bullshit, so —

they have so much to give, so much to say, so much to offer. i could not have kept going without them. i couldn’t believe in myself without the faith they’ve given to me. i hope that i can always give that same faith right back.

and that, babes, is what real soulmates are all about.

[selfcareparker]

(lovely anon) i'm so happy to finally be answering this oh my goodness hi gorgeous human being i feel that it has been too long 🥲 SO MUCH HAS HAPPENED SINCE THE LAST TIME I'VE WRITTEN ONE OF THESE HOW HAVE YOU BEEN

to answer the things you have said most recently- i'm so mad that spring break is over bc now i have to go back to life??? like dancing and school and shit that feels so unnessacry 😭 and like i can't just do nothing anymore? i was so used to it and now...... ugh. i STILL haven't played sims (i think it's because ✨depression✨ be hitting sometimes) lol but MWAHAH IM SO HAPPY FOR YOUR NEIGHBOR!AU AND THAT THEY HAD LITTLE BABY LEO!! i feel the name thing.. i just come up with something that sounds nice? i think leo is a nice name, it makes me think about lea michele and the fact that her son's name is Ever Leo but anyway. i don't name my sims after what i want to name my children irl either... idk why though. (i don't know why i'm telling you this but for boy names i love Liam🥰 and if i had twin boys i think i would do Liam and Peter though i am not married to the name Peter.... anywho)

LMAOOO the therpaist coming made me laugh thank you :)) i hope it's helpful? this may be tmi but i've only really had negative thoughts recently and not many healthy outlets so i'm hoping crossing one thing off this sad list will make me feel better :') i think during spring break my anxiety and my depression really spiked? idk, it comes in episodes but yeah THIS GOT REALLY SAD

i think a lot of things when i read your posts but i never say them hahaha so imma say it now: i googled what bon appetit meant ( i also just had to google how to spell it ) but ur right, i feel like bone apple tea makes more sense than bone apple teeth.. the "th" is throwing me off bc how i say it bone appa (like app-a) teet (like you're saying tit but teet lol) so bone apple tea makes more sense to me lol

i never know really know the time difference for anything lmao but est to germany (that's not gmt is it?) is like 6 hours wOAH so it's like 9pm while it’s 3pm here? wowee

i feel mega weird after watching this show called hollywood (darren criss is in it, so is laura harrier and a bunch of other people) but i don't like it💀 i feel really icky rn and idk why but reading your last response to my ask (?) always makes me feel better :')

i am doing what you said btw, i'm typing this on my computer first then gonna transfer it to my phone's tumblr lol but when you said a digital detox, it's interesting cuz i feel like i've been having one since tom's new project was announced? gOD i don't wanna get into it bc i get so triggered but i've been off of instagram since then bc instagram stans literally stand by tom through whatever even when something ain't right- i’m just gonna leave it there bc i’ll continue the rant, but yeah so i took a break lol

also heard abt your driving lesson thing (?) was it that bad? i can't find the old post but someone asked if you hooked up with your lesson person and i was sOOO CONFUSED LMAOO LIKE OK ARIA GET SOME BUT UHH HUH?

now to address the actual response HAHA the way you touch my heart :') by :') bringing :') up :') halle :') being ariel :') (i honest to God don't remember if i brought this up first, forgive me if i did, it's been a minute lmao) i'm always talking about it and i'm pretty sure my family is so tired of me talking about it lmao, but YEAH when i found out they weren't twins i was so surprised but idk why i always thought they were twins? but YOU ARE SPEAKING MY LANGUAGE WITH THE DISNEY TALK- everyone is always like "tiana is my favorite princess" and yea she's strong and stuff but...... she was a frog. for almost the whole time. it's about time we got another one!! i do agree with some people on the fact that disney should just make another black princess but halle is adorable and i was ariel on stage so it's already really special to me :')

yeah lol there are good times with my brothers but they make me mad for a good portion of the time (there's the 12yo vincent and the 7yo daniel but vincent??? psshhh he is a piece of work and i'm not sure how much longer i can put up with him HAJAH AND YES VINCENT IS THE ONE WHO WAS 👁👄👁WHEN I CRIED AND THE ONE WHO DOESN'T LISTEN TO MUSIC- writing this now makes it sound like vincent is awful. which he isn't... we're working on him ig. not to add to the awfulness but no, he listens to obnoxious loud VIDEO GAME MUSIC and won't stop when we ask him to stop... he gets beat up a lot) anyway i imagine being an only child is really calming.. like you have time to yourself and its just you and your parents 😌

yeah let me know if you end up watching it (wandavision)! i think it's great but if you like it lmk!! tfatws is sooo good like PHEW i am honestly loving it. sidenote: j*hn w*lker makes me wanna jump through the screen and choke him to the ground. i was thinking right, and the falcon and the winter soldier (THATS SO MUCH EASIER FAJHKDAH) would techinally be like a 10 hour movie right? because every episode is an hour long and there'll be 10 episodes? like wow. i get what you mean though, abt the racism in the show etc, like looking forward to it but not like..... no i get what you mean i will not try and give another example lol but you make me wanna learn more languages like really badly (bc of what you said about the german to american translation) & if you end up watching hamilton PLEASE LMK ABT THAT TOO HAHAHA i love it so much, same thing with lion king lmaoo

speaking of germany, i was at lunch on saturday with my mom and her friend and we were talking about my schooling and like-- she planted this idea in my head lol like what if i just got my GED and went around the world (to england probably) to get a theatre experience??? and i think it sounds so cool but no where near practical lol, it's just..... the dream haha and i would then try and learn a language 😉

uh yes we absolutely should order basically a resturant meal at a cinema, how about burgers, chips (fries), and a large drink? any time next week works for me, should i pick you up?

also about cherry (which i still haven't watched yet lol) i got the timestamps from tumblr😌 i couldn't find them anywhere else, but i agree, i probably wouldn't even look twice at cherry if tom wasn't in it? like i liked tdatt a lot, but it's not a movie i would be itching to see ya know?

HAHAHAHA THE 24 HOUR NOTIFICATION- i think i have around 1030 hours on sims? but i've had it since 2019 lmao (reading the screenshots, yes u are 100% a genuis, i take screenshots too but on anon you can't upload them so i just read them and retype what i wrote lmao) i think the university experience in the game is fun, but time consuming and it's all work imo. idk why i do it so often tho 😭😭😭

and agreed!! when you're making good money in the game you have to find other ways to make it interesting. my cousins who play it just continously do "motherlode" and i'm like.... then what do you do in your game?? it just sounds boring to me... my current sims household, i had a famous comedian sim, her name was dylan, aND SORRY IM LAUGHING SO HARD WHILE WRITING THIS BC ITS A GREAT EXAMPLE OF THE UNI THING UNLESS IM JUST DUMB, she went to college for communications when i wanted her to be a comedian and when she graduated i realized that degree did nothing for the career 🥲 so yeah, i think i'm just dumb. but she had a kid in college, guy didn't stick around and she was pretty broke HA but then she got married to this (great) guy named steve, made good bank, had 5 more kids (two sets of twins and one more lol) but then she passed. uhm... yeah that's still an open wound . lol i'm kidding, but when you get rich like that, you have to find a way to make the game interesting and i chose a million kids.

(this was one giant paragraph until i broke it up uhh yeah) i seriously don't pay attention to the sims prices and just end up spending way too much money and not being able to finish the rest of the house😭 but then again, i'm so used to having sims live in apartments... if i end up building a house FIRST OF ALL it'll look like what you explained before lmao but i'll tell you if i actually end up building a house HAHA & planning out your sims game is so fun to me lol, did enisa and michael take in his daughter yet? i may be thinking too far ahead lol and i love that they fucked woohooed (i say woo woo lol) in celebration HAHA but when i was playing with this one couple i had them woo woo every night hoping the dude would have horrible pull out game and they would concieve, but one night they were too tired and i was like why? get back in there man. if i was in college and lived with my partner we would be fucking every night homie. be grateful. i have been talking a lot about sims, and like you said: enough 💀 i just love this game a lot 😭😭

SORRY LAST THING i think the sims romantic and sexual stuff is so nice bc its what i want?? LMAO IDK like the whole hot tub thing you're talking about- puh lease ITS JUST NICE TO SEE OKAY

i'm reading the german section over again and i said aloud "my german friend is so cool" lol (i was saying that to my brothers & i know they don't care LMAO) (& i'm glad the uni zoom call went well!!) so on a form, in german, it could possibily say Einführungsveranstaltungsteilnehmer because you would be a participant to an introductory event? i swear german sounds so cool 😌 but i love reading your german lessons!! it's really interesting, most of the time my brain can't comprehend it tho?? like that word makes sense to you, but i need a translation. like to be able to look at that and know what it says.... its just appealing and seems so cool lol i kinda wanna write something out in german but i feel that google translate will fail me. während googeln "google übersetzen" mein Computer war so verdammt langsam und es fühlte sich einfach wie etwas Gutes auf Deutsch zu sagen. ich bin nicht sicher, welches Wort ist "fucking", aber ich mag es lmao (did it fail me like i thought it would??)

LMAOOO THANK YOU FOR BRINGING UP JUSTIN BC WHILE AT THE RESTURANT THEY PLAYED A JUSTIN SONG AND I IMMEDIATELY THOUGHT OF YOU AND THIS STORY😭 lol i was thinking it's depending on your age but not even that either... i really don't know.... but tom's fans are hollanders💀 i would consider myself one? he's the only person i'm really into like that (like a lot lol) so idk lmao (directioners 💔💔the pain is real)

LMAOOO (both of these paragraphs started off with “lmaooo” smh) "i like my men when they look like they are on the brink of death" PLEASE, i don't like pete's blonde hair... i just don't. i'm not sure if i wasn't watching the most recent snls but yea. my mom thinks he looks like trash, but i think he's okay? like he said staten island people just look like trash LMAO and I STILL HAVEN'T SEEN KING OF STATEN ISLAND GIRL I ALMOST FORGOT ABOUT THAT!! now i'm gonna make plans to watch it lmao, & yes agreed i find pete hot, don't ask why i really couldn't explain it to someone he's just .

my favorite songs from rex are from pony oh my goodness 🥺 anywho i'm gonna go eat cereal (i ended up eating bun and cheese instead) and listen to the Stormzy songs you recommended... aria. aria aria aria. i would like to thank you for introducing me to stormzy i- i don't have any words or any emojis to express HOW GOOD STORMZY IS. i hope he's popular in germany/the uk because i haven't heard of him but GURLLLL

one second - delicious i love it. it's really good. it’s not my favorite from the album, but its great.

superheroes - at first i played the non-explicit one (on accident) and wondered why the words weren't playing but i was reading them in the lyrics??? THIS ONE THOUGH??? IS THE BEST SONG I THINK I'VE EVER HEARD. i am so SO SO into black people empowering songs (like brown skin girl by beyonce) and this song???? PHEW I CRYYYYY ITS SO GOOD.... i was gonna quote some lyrics BUT THERS TOO MANY I LOVE, "i am young, black, beautiful, and brave" "black queen, you're immaculate, it's coming at the world, they ain't ready for your magic yet, and that was never your fault" THAT WAS NEVER YOUR FAULT- I ALMOST CRIED THIS SONG IS SO BEAUTIFUL (i played it twice lol)

lessons is another beautiful one, like its slow and it feels intimate and nurturing and just OO chefs kiss, beautiful . like you can feel the apology and the regret... it’s so good

own it - OWN IT OWN IT OWN IT IS AMAZING!! swear you would catch me dancing to this song, this song is so fucking good i cannot comprehend like this one might be my favorite for real... "it's the way you wind up your waist, i'm so in awe, you never have to worry abt nothing, you know its yours, you know you own it" 🥲 i played it two or three times honestly

rachael's little brother - YES I DID LISTEN TO IT LMAO AND YES I LIKE IT, its a very complex song and it's very layered in terms of emotions i think and i really like that about it. i probably won't listen to it that often, but its really good. i would recommend this song to my "older brother" bc he would just absolutely love this

shut up - i was taking this song seriously (also very good) until i heard him say shu-T up LMAO, this one is good, i probably wouldn't listen to it 24/7 like rachael's little brother but honestly its still fire

before listening to blinded by your grace and vossi bop, i know you brought up the religion bit, i definitely don't mind that, especially because i'm Christian lol and i actually liked that he brought up God in some of his songs like idk i just like it🥰🥰

(i then went to bed after that lol but first thing in the morning i listened to superheroes and... that song is probably my favorite tbh, i was gonna write MORE quotes that i loved from it but, yeah no there's too many. if you want i'll tell you lmao but this is already so long i would just be quoting the whole friggin song)

VOSSI BOP IS A BOP (lol) I CANT EVEN LIE, i love a song that hypes up a dude's girl so the line- i love that my phone decided to fail to load the lyrics, lemme google it, okay the lyric "looking at my girl like what a goddess" i was like AYEEE its honestly just really good. and no one in america says "sauce" like "i've got the sauce" but now i do (thanks to love island and Nas from last season) and now stormzy so (also im gonna watch the music video for superheroes bc it looks great so 😛)

(because this is already so long i feel like i shouldn't finish the rest but . no i'm gonna do it)

now for blinded by your grace pt2 idk why i’m nervous lmaoo PAUSE I'M NOT EVEN DONE WITH THE SONG GIRL THIS SONG IS *chefs kiss* no words, speechless PHEW y'all gon make me start jumping around. why did i not know about stormzy before, he is amazing i- ok yeah i finished the song, all i have to say is that Stormzy is immaclucate. period. i am literally sending his music to all my friends he is..... amazing

you want my song recommendations 🥺🥺 hmm uh okay lol i listen to a lot of old music, whitney houston, marvin gaye, queen, celine dion, i love "more than words" by extreme uhmm okay, but for actual music i listen to on the daily? (this is a lot of different music like.... they do not go together lmao so be prepared) a song about being sad by rex orange county, betty by taylor swift and lover by taylor swift and... most of that album lol, treasure by bruno mars lmao, OOOO and versace on the floor by bruno as well, lazybaby by dove cameron, creep by tlc has been on repeat lol, deja vu by olivia rodrigo (i saw what you said about drivers license and AGREED LMAO but i like deja vu a lot more haha) and two albums that i listen to in general, rare by selena gomez and ungodly hour by chloe x halle 🥰 you don't have to listen to all of them or any of them lol but that's a sense of what i'm into :) so basically everything haha, i'm into literally every single kind of music really so i wasn't too surprised that i enjoyed stormzy :’)

HAHASBSJHAHA your h20 story cracked me up,, like "wow these actors are so dedicated, learning german just for us" 😭 the beauty of overdubbing

once again, math and maths, in my mind maths makes sense because its mathmatics, but saying maths doesn't feel right to me lol, like if i said maths i feel like everyone would look at me like ??? and yea i was taught it as math so its just more natural for me. but yes math/maths is disgusting, easily one of my least favorite subjects so .

mkay. i- the first time i read this i could not contain my laughter when you said the only pollen you know is sex pollen LMAOKOOSHBABJFAJF STOPPP I'M EVEN LAUGHING WRITING THIS,, anyway. wow! that's interesting, my dad (<<< mostly anything else) gets migraines from the sun and the heat and stuff, yesterday (sunday, i was outside for like hours watching my brothers play football, the american kind lol) i was in the sun for like ever and i got a headache😔

summer clothes🥲 i need to go shopping fr fr. for my birthday my mom and dad got me a giftcard like dedicated to a shopping spree and we've yet to go so..... i should bring it up to my mom lol, but!! i went bra shopping (ended up returning literally all of them cuz they honestly didn't work for day to day work? its a long story) and if i could i would walk around in this new "summer bra" i got, i would. it's so fricking cute and its really light fabric (which isn't perfect for my nipples but still) so i don't get hot in it, but that bra and some shorts would be perfect. its the closest thing to being naked so

IS THE BIRD STILL BOTHERING U ARIA, TELL ME NOW ISTG, i laughed really hard that the bird isn't stupid and is really trying to torture you LMAOO like i was rolling, it wants you to suffer, badly

when you said "mensus" it was still close to mens!!! latin speaking queen 😌😌

okay STORYTIME i was reading back your response and started (fake) crying bc i love you lol and my youngest brother (daniel) gon say "oh man, catherine's crying about something we don't care about, again" I--- i swear when i tell you about them they sound awful, but they aren't that bad, just the stuff i say about them is sounds really mean LMAO

but the thing you said about being kind, same, what i always say is: don't be the person that makes people say "i hate people" ya know? like there's no reason to be a jerk or anything.... but its true 🥺🥺🥺🥺 you are really kind and every time i talk to you i would like to personally fly to germany and give you a hug 💖💕💞💗💓💝💖💘

& i'm gonna show my stretch marks some love bc of you 🥺😭 i really hate how men have basically everyone conditioned that you can't love your own body </3 fuck them, y'all beautiful :')

also thanks for what you said :')) you literally are the kindest, sweetest person i think i've ever spoken to and i love you 🥰🥺🥲💓💗

READING YOUR TAGS HAHAHHAHA the spelling errors makes everything so much funnier. once again, i like your german lessons & yea!! i'm gonna play sims after writing this hahah

#catherine's tags are back #i don't think i've told you my name before?? #anyway it's catherine🥰🥰🥰 #i'm typing this on my computer (without emojis) and if i didn't edit this you would be reading shit shite like #heartface and pout and cry LMAO #yeah abt the tattoos #some stuff with my parents i'm like deal with it??? lol #my mom tells me "if there's something you enjoy or you like but i don't have the same opinion on it... why would my (my mom's) opinion matter? #and i love that #like i'm not gonna go and do whatever i want #but if my mom doesn't like that i swear (which isn't true just an example) #its like okay.... #but whatever #and your tattoo ideas sound really cute!! #and yeah @ your parents, i mean you aren't getting something wild #and the tattoo album>>> #i'm gonna look up ariana's butterfly tattoos just so i know what you mean lol #but i'm guessing you don't want something so incredibily simple, but not super like over the top? #correct me if i'm wrong lol #LMAO the tags were in order don't worry ! #and yeah lol ily2 <33 #and once again, again, sorry for this post JSHJS ITS A MESS AND LONG AS HELL #and you don't need to go in order of my post its literally longer than your german compound words #u're fine #also !!! while writing this the birds were chirping outside and i was like 😳 #and one of your fics (i’ve read all of them, i don’t remember lol) that valentine’s day one where y/n had lingerie on (the pancake one lol) #inspired me to buy lingerie #like when i look back on me “growing up” #that fic & basically you lol really helped with that #that made no sense and i don’t know how to make it make sense... but... yeah. like ily

hiiiiiiiiiii <3333

Dear catherine, 😌

(you have said your name before, but it wasn‘t like an introduction or anything i think you were talking about .... was it possibly the incident at the cinema??? And you said something like ‘calm down catherine‘ like you were telling yourself to calm down idkd dkdkkdkd anyway i didn‘t mention it cause i wasn‘t sure if it was an accident or not dkdjd but now i know 😌❤️ Catherine is such a cute and lovely name btw omg and so are your brothers‘s names 🥰

Sorry that I‘m answering this so late, it‘s been an emotional rollercoaster for me since last week but i‘ll get to that in a second lol

Sksklssk girl i haven‘t played sims in like 2 weeks now ekejdkdlldld ok that‘s not that long at all actually but i keep wanting to play but then i end up not playing for whatever reason, so no news about my sims game 😔 but i love the names Liam and Peter and for twins!!! That sounds really nice actually

okay i‘m trying to answer your ask in chronological answer even though i wanted to wait for the depressing stuff and write it at the end or something OKAY so. i thought that i‘d feel so good when i start uni and that i‘ll like... have a purpose in life again and just be happy (cause in the last year i didn‘t do much and i was depressed like half of the time lol).... anyway i kind of feel even worse now? 😭 i think it‘s because in my brain it‘s like: university!!! that means your life will change and it‘ll all be so exciting. and don‘t get me wrong it is exciting butttt..... idk the online thing is so weird cause you‘re not meeting any new people (i‘m introverted anyway but still lol) and it doesn‘t feel like you‘re listening to/talking to actual people cause it feels the same as just watching a video?

also i thought i‘d be busy again but i only have one lecture (90mins) a day and theres one day where i dont have any lectures at all and just one day where i have 3 hours but.... idk i mean i shouldn‘t complain about having so much free time but i just don‘t know what to do all day and in a pandemic there really is nothing to do but i also can‘t relax bc it‘s like during the week and i know i have uni the next day and .... yeah.

There‘s also this one assignment i had to do that took me AT LEAST SIX HOURS AND IM NOT EVEN EXAGGERATING????? so that was the only thing i‘ve been doing besides “going to“ lectures. for this one course we have to read two (really really long) texts (like it literally took me 3 hours to read them) and we‘re supposed to post it on this website that all the professors in our uni use. So after 5 days of anxiety (✌🏼) i posted mine this morning bc last night i realised that i didn‘t even know why i was having anxiety so i just posted mine today. The deadline is tomorrow at 12 and no one except me has posted theirs yet........ so i have anxiety again 🥰 cause idk if i‘m the only one who did it or if i even did it correctly

Edit while i‘m rereading this: my anxiety about uni is a lot better and i‘m not as d*pressed anymore maybe it was just hormones? idk but i‘m better so that‘s good

(I started writing this like 5 hours ago and then i randomly completely forgot lol)

I‘m in a better mood now though so let‘s move on from that (oh wait also, i think i‘m gonna see if i can find a psychiatrist bc with my anxiety symptoms (long story) i need to go to a psychiatrist, and so far i‘ve only gone to like psycholgists and it didn‘t help but i think that‘s just bc i was meant to go to a psychiatrist and not a psychologist so dldjdjsj

n e ways but yes you‘re not alone, ily, things will get better and yes i love you (i‘m not good at this type of thing🥲 but i‘d hug you right now if i could <3)

Yess i think the time difference between est and me is 6hours but gmt is uk time i believe? i think mine is called.... cet? For central european time? I could be completely wrong though lmao

Oof i completely forgot about hollywood, i remember when laura kept posting about it on instagram but i never actually watched it and i definitely won‘t now lmaodkdksjsn

Okay my driving lesson LEBDJDKDK I DID NOT HOOK UP WITH ANYONE AKSJSKSMMLM especially not my 40 or 50 year old driving instructor lol i like her but NOT LIKE THAT, the lesson was really really really good actually and i think i‘ll have my driving test soon, but i don‘t even remember why the anon would have thought that??? Oh wait now i remember okay KEKSKDLDL so during the lesson my instructor was like do you mind if i turn on some music? AND THIS WOMAN TURNED ON ONE DIRECTION I LOVE HER so i made a post about it and i said something about the song up all night and i guess i phrased it in a .... idk in a dumb way 💀 so the anon made a joke that i stayed up with my driving instructor all night and NO. No.

Wait did i read that right? YOU WERE ARIEL ON STAGE? SIALDBDJDKSLMSBDKDMDMDKDJSLSMDJFJJEDMBFEKLEFBJDLDVSIDLESKSKWKDKDJDOWNYUEKWNDUWLNSUFLWVSUDLEHDOENSIDBEISBEHENJELBSIEMWUDNRIW KB WOBE JO ON SBEUU HIII S HWS LV W ICH US KB okay this keyboard smash is getting out of hand but uh please do elaborate on that 💘😌???? Like you can‘t just drop that information and not say more??? I forgot if you‘re in like your school‘s drama group (is that a thing? lol idk anything about acting) or in an independent group? Either way - ARIEL that is so fucking cool

Your brothers loooooool, no i get it though obviously you love them and stuff but esp at their age children are so annoying so good luck with them 😭😭😭lmao

Yeah “anyway i imagine being an only child is really calming.. like you have time to yourself and its just you and your parents 😌“ yeah just me and my parents who constantly fight 🥰 lmao no i like being an only child, like i cannot imagine having siblings but i feel like if i had siblings i would be saying that i can‘t imagine being an only child so? but i do think it‘s quite different like i‘m trying to imagine having siblings and WHAT that‘s just so different omg i‘ve never really thought about it like properly ???

I saw a tik tok the other day that was like “sometimes i forget that my siblings have a life of their own. like i see them as side characters in my life“ and even though i can‘t relate obviously i felt that. lol, like i can really imagine how it feels idk what i‘m talking about like shut the fuck up, daria

(also my actual name is daria not aria but i dont like it, and also i wanted to be more anonymous on tumblr so now i‘m aria lmao. pls don‘t mention it though cause no one knows except for you and mel (peterbenjiparker) dkdkdkdnkdnd. but i‘m starting to identify with the name cause everyone keeps calling me that looool😭😭😭 (but i like the name, more than daria anyway? well it also depends on the accent, cause the way germans say daria is okay. the was Americans say it is also okay, but some of my family in England are from the north of england and i don‘t like how they say my name 💀 no offence to them(?) but yeah pls don‘t mention the name in your ask cause the chance of people seeing it is higher then (or if you want to say something about it just send a separate ask and i just won‘t post it (IDK what you‘d want to say about my name but yeah just in case slsldlldmsndnsns)

I‘m loving falcon and winter soldier so much but when i was watching an episode the week before last week (?) my laptop broke😭😭😭😭 during the scene where the dora milaje came at the end my laptop just shut down? And it had these lines all over the screen and i had to bring it to the shop where i bought it and they said it‘ll take 6-8 weeks to repair 💔💔💔 but at least it‘ll be for free, cause if i brought it back to apple it would cost like 400€ (i think that‘s nearly 500$) so yeah. but it sucks cause now i‘m “going to uni“ on a really old rusty laptop and on my phone which kinda sucks. oh yeah and also i can‘t watch anything on there 😭 i definitely want to watch wandavision but it‘ll have to wait🤧

Yessss you should def get your GED! I googled and I‘m still not entirely sure what it is dldks but from how you described it- YES!!!!!!

Idk if you know this? Like no idea if I‘ve told you this already (hmmm wait i feel like we talked about it actually?) anyway i was originally gonna go study in England, but for loads of reasons I ended up staying in Germany and I‘m def happy with my decision, but I definitely want to go to England sometime even if it‘s just for six months or maybe for my masters or something? And (obviously everyone is different) but i think everyone should go abroad and live in a different country once in their life, no matter if it‘s for school or what, and even if it‘s just for a few weeks. But i think that‘s something that you‘d never ever forget! And combining that with your acting/theatre??? You really would be living the dream 💘💘😌

how about burgers, chips (fries), and a large drink? any time next week works for me, should i pick you up?— sounds good see you soon 🥰🥰🥰

i used to be one of the people who‘d just do motherlode motherlode motherlode and just... what did i do? Why did i do that??? But not anymore lol. Like I said i haven‘t played sims in a few weeks but i‘ve been watching a few legacy challenge let‘s plays and usually i play with the aging off. So my sims just don‘t age 💀 but i could (should) turn aging on so that it stays exciting and i have limited time and everything. and once i get bored with my current sims i can just make them have kids and continue playing as their children when they get older- like recently i remembered that i haven‘t played the acting career in ages? and i haven‘t had a shop in ages? and i think you can even become a vet right??? like those are definitely some things i want to do in the next weeks!!! Also yes sksksjs i have a few hundred hours on sims as well (if not thousands 😭) it was just that one household that i‘d been playing with for 24hrs

AND GIRL SSKSKJD THE UNIVERSITY THING HAPPENED TO ME TOO, it was a while ago so i don‘t remember what degree and what job it was about but i made my sim study something for aaaaaages so she‘d get a better job from the beginning (you know what i mean like get in at a higher level)...... and i apparently studied the wrong thing cause i didn‘t get any benefits from studying and still had to start at level 1 and shit 🥴🥲

Oh also (this was like 2 weeks ago) Enisa and Michael did take in Michael‘s daughter and i think Enisa currently even has a higher/better relationship with the daughter than Michael but um💀💀💀 also i was hoping (since michael and enisa married (in their back yard i think lol) that the daughter (i forget what her name is😭) would have enisa as her step mom? Like you know how you can see the relationship and it says daughter or son or sister.. and i was hoping that it would say step mom but it doesn‘t say anything 🥲 but in my mind (and if the sims had proper family relations) she is her step mom😌 also Leo is a teenager now???? I mean I aged him up lol dkdk he was being too annoying as a toddler but i don‘t like children so i aged him up twice in one day and now he‘s a teen, but that means he can look after his half sister when she becomes a toddler which is good (the game recognises them as siblings tho even if they‘re just half siblings? why can‘t they have step family members in the sims🥲) okay i‘ve annoyed you enough with sims ✋🏼

I‘ve been a bit sick these past few days and now i‘m getting a headache so i have to finish this response tomorrow 😭😭😭 </3

.

It‘s not tomorrow, it‘s 3 hours later but i‘m better lol

oooff when sims are ungrateful and won‘t woo woo (lol i like that) cause they‘re too tired like?? Be grateful that you‘re not living with your parents anymore 🙄 no okay dkdkdkdl idk if you play with mods (i don‘t) but i know there is a mod (or it‘s part of a mod idk maybe wicked whims?) where you can adjust the percentage of how risky a normal woo woo is, like you still click woo woo (3dksksks okay i‘ll say woohoo again— wait is that what’s it called? 😭) but there‘s like a 25% chance that your sim can still get pregnant just like in real life there‘s always a chance of getting pregnant even if you‘re using protection (just not 25% lmao) but yeah i personally don‘t play with mods sksk and you can always just click try for baby but it would be cool if you could add stuff like risky woohoo to the game without mods (i have no idea how to download mods and i play sims on a really really old laptop and sims is literally tje only thing that works on it anyway so—) i repeat my words from earlier: okay i‘ve annoyed you enough with sims ✋🏼

okay i‘m so sorry i‘m gonna watch fast & furious 1 now cause i need to watch f&f 1-5 until the 30th of april cause they‘re only on netflix til then (i mean i could watch them somewhere else but the quality is never as good) so i will finish this tomorrow after all😭

it is now 1 am, i finished the film, can feel a new obsession coming up again (i always have these f&f obsessions for six months before and after a new film comes out)

THE GOOGLE TRANSLATE wkekdjdj tbh it sounds like someone is speaking with some kind of foreign accent i guess that‘s probably because it just is a direct translation and so anyway slsjsj i don‘t know if you asked me what the word fucking is in german? like idk cause the translation is a bit weird but in case you asked lol sidjsjs theres not really a good translation like we just say fuck for fuck lmao, i don‘t know if you typed in fucking in google translate and it came out as verdammt? cause that means damn (or damned sksjjs) ummm yeah idek if/what you asked so imma move on🤧

I‘m not gonna comment on what you said about every stormzy song cause you already said all the important things but SKSKSJSJSKNSNDBDUDOENWBSLSKKHSULSLSKSBSJSKSK I WAS SMILING SO HARD WHEN I READ YOUR RESPONSE FOR THE FIRST TIME BECAUSE AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH finally i know someone who loves him as much as i do 💘💘💘 also since you brought it up, i‘m pretty sure he‘s considered the most successful UK rapper or if not then at least top 3 so he‘s defffffffffinitely big in the uk, in germany more and more people are listening to uk rap too but not as much stormzy cause theyre dumb apparently 🙄 but anywY i‘m sooooo sooo happy that you like him. i think hith came out end of 2019 (i could be wrong but i think it came out on the 13th of december so (in a european way) you‘d write the date: 13.12 and obviously i don‘t KNOW this but i can definitely imagine that he chose that date because ACAB and yes, Michael. Yes. But he hasn‘t made too much music since then so i hope he‘s working on some new stuff 🤞🏼

Also i ordered the stormzy poster😌 also a nicki minaj one bc i decided i‘m gonna have one wall with red-ish posters (i already have two kinda red ones) and one with blue/green-ish posters (already have two) and i can add stormzy to the blue one and nicki to the red one, but i think that‘s it cause if my walls are tooo full it could look cluttered? I‘m not sure how that type of thing works lmao but my room is generally untidy so i don‘t want the walls to look unorganised too so i think that‘s it for now

I really want to finish this now but my brain is getting kinda slow and i need to sleep soon so this will have to wait till later after all 🥺🥴 (not that it makes and difference to you bc you‘ll see this whenever i post it buttttt i wanted you to know that i want to talk to you again but with my slow brain i‘m just taking too long to do it in one day😭😭😭 and i‘m so busy tomorrow hmm but i‘m sure i‘ll have 30 minutes to finish this then <3)

Okay wait I‘m so dumb I didn‘t realise I‘d nearly answered everything i could have posted this yesterday 😭😭

Oooohh that summer bra sounds so nice like if i was confident enough i literally would just wear a top that resembles a bra (or really is a bra lol) cause my tiddies always be looking amazing i‘m just insecure about my stomach sometimes 🙄🙄🙄 but recently i‘ve been loving myself more and more tbh 😌

also i hope you can go shopping for some nice clothes soon ✨😌

I‘ll be honest I haven‘t listened to your song recs YET but only because i wanna take my time with them and i‘ve been so busy and slso AJ tracey‘s album came out last week and I haven‘t listened to that one yet either so ekdkdj (he‘s also a uk rapper like quite popular and successful as well, but i feel like i‘m not gonna like his album cause whenever i‘m looking forward to an album it ends up being really bad and the albums where you weren‘t expecting it turn out to be bangers.... so yeah but i‘ll let you know when i listen to your songs!!!! :)

Omg i keep having to scroll up all the way to see the next thing you said so sorry if I completely miss some of the things you said😭😭

So when you sent this the bird was still bothering me oh my FUCK DKDLDMMDMDMD but now i‘ve been going to bed at like 1-2am so the bird is probably still asleep lool

Okay and for the rest of your ask my response is: 💘💖❣️💚❣️💛❣️💛💕💞❤️💓💟💞💕💕💖💘💝💟💟🧡❤️🧡💞💛💚💓💚💚💚❣️🧡💖💘🧡💝🧡💕💘🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥺🥺🥺🥰🥺🥺💘💘💘💘💘 (okay that looked cuter in my head i don‘t really like the green hearts dldkkdksndnd)

[neo-shitty]

toffee!

no dearest, dont worry, ive been super busy with exams and auditions so i couldnt reply to this, super sorry ;n; but im here now so here we go!

mmm same, tasteful smut is preferable, tho rare. oh no! pls dont feel pressured to follow me on anything, i post very sporadically on that acc so you probably wont see much yet haha

hehe sometimes it just be like that. mmm real life isnt happy, so it makes sense that angst is more realistic, plus people are shitty /hj so its easier to have smth to base the characters and action off. but if angst is what you feel comfortable with, im glad you found it and you can write it so well!

yes i totally agree! they just suck you in, there is no escape. mmm indeed. i guess i just (and im sure you feel the same way) wish that they would be able to stick to what they are good at, and what they enjoy, rather than what will make them the most money and recognition

hehe i dont mind! im here if you wanna rant abt the amazingness that is he, i know the feeling of almost bursting from having to talk abt smth and not being able to :) yesss hes just so comfortable and familar even tho obviously we dont and can never truly know him. hes just like a good good friend. (albeit one whos abs we rave abt). :( ohh im sorry you were in a bad place, but its good that you were able to find something to help, im sure channie would be very happy to know he helped someone :) hehe i find myself listening for him in all their tracks, its a bit like felix in that its quite distinctive and very satisfying haha. YES seonghwa is just *wordless mouthing of amazement* mmm, its going to be super hard for them to top that, fever and drunk dazed were *chefs kiss* but hopefully theyll be better soon, ive been so worried abt all of them, with the whole covid thingo, especially nikki, hes only 15 and hes rlly sick away from his parents and his home :(( poor thing. man sunoo's immune system of absolute titanium, hopefully the rest of the boys are feeling better :(

yes i KNOW right. :((( huh i guess its strange cos i cant wait to get out of high school and ur wishing you could go back :') ahh that must be strange

oooh cool! ahuh yes, im sensing a type lol. ooh fellow jake, hyuka and lisa bias! for me, nikki and jennie are bias wreckers and im not super into txt but yES i agree, he always looks impeccable. i see what you mean with jake! hes got this kinda awkward charm from what little ive seen of him. mmm well... as a chan, seonghwa and namjoon bias, i can sympathise with having a definite postion type

no darling! they wouldnt be wasted at ALL. yes, you must tell me if you are ever going to leave here :((

but on brighter topics, i finished all my midterms and had my first therapy session this week so thats good! how are you feeling today? anything else you want to discuss? hope you're doing well :)

<3 w.a. 🐺

yoooo i was starting to worry about where you were but i remembered that you talked about exams. it's alright! take your time. also auditions o.O good luck with that!!

oh don't half joke people are shitty. they really are. funny how we talk about how we're talking about how angst is my element but i just finished writing a fluffy chan fic.

yeah :( i also hope that the money making thing wouldn't be their top priority but it's still a business industry so i get why the marketing is done that way.

i rambled to an irl about chan today so idt my head would explode from keeping chan chitchat in. chan is as safe space as an idol can get for me. i want to thank him for quite literally saving me in 2020 someday. it's the first thing i'll mention if i get to have a fancall with him.

i'm currently waiting for ateez comeback! i'm hoping deja vu won't disappoint bc the song isn't bad at all o.O it takes me back to my 2nd gen roots even. abt enhypen i heard 2 are back and posting? idt they got the worst of the symptoms + they're young and i'm sure their immune systems aren't too weak.

LMAO. it's because high school was a lot easier than uni so if i were to choose from the two evils, i'd choose the lesser one.

abt my biases? really? o.O bc i've always been told that i don't have a clear bias HAJHA. i'm glad we have a few similar biases <33 the definite position type HAJH you and my friends have the same thing going on. she's all for rappers tho.

i'll tell you if i ever choose to leave. i doubt it would be any time soon xd

congratulations on finishing all your midterms and i'm glad you got to go to your therapy session. how was it? i hope you're doing well. go and take care of yourself! reward yourself a little for finishing the exams :>

my feet and legs are sore as fuck. i've been dancing the whole day and i haven't been exercising a lot so a day full of just moving around kinda shocked me. i'll be sleeping in a few though so i hope i feel better in the morning.

[sortavibing]

i just found your blog and it’s so pretty!! i hope you’re having a nice day,,, could i get a male hq matchup pls?? i go by rita and she/her pronouns. i’m questioning atm. i’m an intj-t & a libra sun, aquarius moon, leo rising, & i kin tsukishima & kageyama.

i’m reserved, thoughtful, hot headed, creative, judgmental, polite, open-minded, & cunning. when you first meet me, i am polite and tend not to talk a lot. once you get to know me i’m v chill and i like to joke around and get to know more about you. i can also be kinda dumb sometimes. i do tend to get angry and annoyed towards everyone but i don’t show it. i just kinda shut myself down and try to talk myself into letting go. i like doing things a certain way and to my standards. i care a lot about my grades and getting into a good university but i do tend to procrastinate and take breaks,,, i end up getting my work done on time. i am self conscious and care a lot about what others think about me,,, i am self critical and tend to beat myself up. i tend to get impatient easily and bc of that i like to get things done quickly. i like relaxing and spending time by myself. i don’t really like interacting with ppl,, i only have one irl friend & a few online friends. i do have anxiety & tend to overthink things a lot & have a hard time trusting ppl.

i’m 5’6 with a pear shaped body & a tummy. i have a round/oval face & glasses. thick brows, brown eyes, brown wavy hair. my hair is grown out rn bc of covid but i plan on getting it cut back into bangs & collar bone length. i’m latino so i get darker when i’m in the sun but i’m v pale atm </3. i wear a lot of black clothes and high waisted pants. i’d describe my style as 70s/80s mixed with dark academia. i always want to look presentable in public but i just wear comfy clothes when i’m at home.

my hobbies include writing, playing the sims, & baking. i also enjoy watching anime, reading on here, looking at tiktok, & playing uno or guess who. i have a dog & a hamster. i start cleaning when i feel uncomfortable or anxious ig. when i get bored i like to plan things. my likes/interests include true crime, history, & psychology. i also watch reality tv for entertainment 😩. one of my favorites shows is daria & i listen to a lot of different music,,, i just like what sounds nice. i have so many dislikes,,, but my main dislikes are ppl who are discriminatory & don’t try to educate themselves on issues. (basically trump supporters & my family members who believe facebook </3) i also dislike ppl who complain a lot but don’t help themselves and then continue to complain like pls?? it’s not my responsibility to fix these problems you can easily fix yourself?? & ppl who aren’t considerate of others.

i want a partner who is kind, loyal, & open-minded. i can’t stand ignorant ppl who only care about themselves. i want someone who loves me & accepts me. my love language is quality time & gift giving (both ways). someone who is willing to split the work & deal with my moods and hear me out. mmm i think that’s about it! <3

hello! thank you for reqesting! ok but reality tv is so fucking funny i don’t understand- like it’s such stupid comedy but i love it. anyways, here’s your matchup!

generating matchup...

matchup: complete

i match you up with kita!

what first drew kita to you was your calm personality, since he is pretty chill as well, and he wanted to meet someone who isn’t too loud like the miya twins. once he got to know you, he started seeing your joking personality, which he liked even more, because you were always able to make him smile and relax.

like you, he also has a habit of cleaning, so if you are feeling anxious, he will come over to help you clean things up, while listening to you rant about whatever comes to mind, while soft music plays in the background. he just wants to help you destress, and since he enjoys cleaning as well, it makes it a lot easier to help you feel better.

kita is smart as well, so you guys will always study and work on homework together, and he will always remind you not to procrastinate, and ever since you started working with him, you have been turning in your work earlier than usual, and school is even easier. kita makes sure to give you guys breaks though and brings snacks and drinks to have while studying, but he always gets you guys back on track after the break.

he really likes your pets (surprisingly), so if he ever comes to your house, he will always bring something small for your dog, and he will subconsciously pet him while talking to you. you have so many pictures of him with your dog, and all of them are so cute, so you have to save them all. 

one of kita’s love languages is quality time, so he just likes being around you, doing whatever you want because he thinks that anytime spent with you is time well spent. you guys often take a train or bus to a nearby city and spend the day just walking around with each other, eating at small bakeries, watching street performers, and buying little souvenirs. he holds your hand the entire time, and if he’s feeling especially romantic, he’ll surprise you with a small kiss on the cheek. your city dates are always fun, and you have many small presents that remind you of each trip.

since he knows you enjoy baking, kita will offer to try to make a cake for the birthday of someone that you are close to. you guys end up having a lot of fun, because kita doesn’t really know what he is doing, so he tries his best, but in the end, you have to help him a lot. the cake actually turns out pretty well, and he is pretty proud of making it look so good, and he’ll mention that he wants to bake with you more, and you have to agree because he looks so happy to be able to share an interest with you.

he will write you little notes saying how much he misses you, or how pretty you look today, and they usually are accompanied by a little gift. they always are so cute, and turn up in the most surprising places. you started leaving notes and small gifts for him too, and whenever he finds one of your notes, he will get really happy that his girlfriend wants to do these cute little things with him, and will keep everything you give him.

if you ever are uncomfortable because you have to socialize with a large group of people, kita will always be there to help you, whether it is giving an excuse for the both of you to leave, or by handing you one of his earbuds so you can listen to whatever music you want with him. he hates when you are feeling anxious, so he will do whatever he can to help you feel better, or at least be a little more relaxed in the situation.

when you first introduced kita to true crime, he was kind of confused why you liked it so much, but he slowly started enjoying it, and now he loves to listen to podcasts about it or talk about it with you, because he finds the minds of these killers fascinating, and he always wants to learn more about it. he won’t listen to the podcasts alone, but he will write down the names of the episodes he wants to listen to with you, so he can hear your real-time opinion on the person, and he can put his opinion in too.

overall, you guys are very calm and collected, and people envy just how well you guys are able to understand each other. kita will never even think about leaving you, and he is always open to try what you want to do, because he just wants to make you happy, and enjoy every moment that you spend with him.

i hope you enjoyed!

[radicalposture]

Hey, so were you diagnosed with autism/adhd as an adult? If you don't mind me asking, was that difficult to achieve? I'm 25, and I've often thought I might have adhd, but I've held off on looking into it because I hear it's extremely difficult and expensive to get it tested and diagnosed as an adult.

yes I only got diagnosed last october, I was 25 then too! it was kind of a weird journey for me, all of my siblings and my dad got diagnosed with autism or adhd one after the other and I was still saying “but I can’t really be autistic/adhd” right up until I actually got diagnosed lol. but since then my whole life suddenly makes sense for the first time and I really think things are gonna be ok! this applies to autism/adhd/other neurodiverse stuff but autism and adhd is what I know, but I hope it applies broadly as well

so unfortunately yes, it can be pretty expensive to get through the whole process. depends on where you live of course, I live in Ireland so even though we do have public healthcare I would probably have been on a waiting list for upwards of two years to see a terrible psychologist who didn’t know anything about adhd/autism so I went to a private psychologist. I already knew her pretty well bc my siblings had been to her and I knew she knew what she was talking about and I felt comfortable with her. seeing her cost me around €900 which is definitely a lot, different psychologists have different rates but the price can go up depending on what tests u get done. the more tests you do the more expensive it will be as a general rule (at the same time I saw a different psychologist who had a lower flat rate so idk what the “rules” are about this tbh) I got a standard assessment as well as autism and adhd tests which is why it was so expensive. it used up pretty much all my savings lmao but after getting a diagnosis I was able to apply for disability allowance (which was a hellish process) and I got rejected and had to appeal the decision but I got it in the end, which is fortunate bc I quit my job lol.

recently I wanted to look into medication so I had to go to a psychiatrist because you can’t get a prescription for stimulant medication from a gp in most countries I think? BUT he’d only see me if I got rediagnosed by his psychologist, so that was another €300 for each of them. I did get prescribed ritalin in the end but I’ll have to get the prescription refilled a few times a year bc it’s a restricted medication, which will mean paying €100 ish for each time I do. fortunately I don’t actually have to pay for the medication itself bc I have a medical card.

so yes, it can be expensive! all told it’s cost me almost €2000 to get it all sorted and will keep costing me maybe €300 a year from now on, so it’s definitely something you have to budget for. especially depending on where you live, I imagine things are v different from country to country. also I’m very fortunate bc I still live with my family so I’m free of some financial pressure and I’d been saving for it for a while but I know how hard it is to countenance paying out that kind of money, and wondering whether it’s worth it.

as to whether it’s difficult to achieve I think you’ve got to break it down because official diagnosis is only part of it. so if you think you do have ADHD I’d look at it from a couple of different angles:

1. self acceptance/understanding is absolutely the most important thing. I know people who’ve never been to a psych who know they’re autistic/adhd and really flourish, I also know people who have official diagnoses but who won’t accept it themselves and reject help/support and they’re making things so hard for themselves. so the most important thing is to educate yourself about what adhd means and, more importantly, what it means for you. everyone’s brain is different and understanding exactly how your brain works and why you think/behave the way you do is the most important thing you can do. there are a lot of resources out there, especially online, - I’ll put a link to a google drive of books and things I have at the bottom - and it can be good to connect with others online as well. having people who Get It and can help you is really paramount, I know often our irl families/friends can sometimes let us down so sometimes the only support you can get is from following ppl on twitter or something. the adhd subreddit is weirdly helpful and supportive, it’s great to be able to throw out a question like “I think like this am I insane y/n” and have other people go “nah ur fine” it’s very validating (also validation/external perspectives is super important for adhd bc we can be extremely bad at self assessment). so yes, the most important thing is firstly to know thyself by 1) educating yourself and 2) listening/connecting with others like u.

2. is it important to have an “official” diagnosis? no and yes. obviously you don’t need a diagnosis from a doctor to know what you are, and 70% of the things needed to help you flourish are going to come from your own research and the support systems you make. and if you cant afford or access a psychologist or psychiatrist it doesn’t make it any less real or bar you from educating yourself/accessing resources etc. HOWEVER. if you can get a good diagnosis then I really would go for it, bc: 1) it opens a LOT of doors to official resources, whether that’s access to welfare, supports and accommodations at school or college, medication, etc etc. a lot of the time the supports we need are behind this diagnostic paywall, which sucks but it is what it is :/ so that’s one consideration. 2) it can be really validating and help set your mind at ease about whether you “really” have adhd or if you’re “faking”. like I said I didn’t believe that I was “allowed” to be autistic before I got diagnosed. I also didn’t consider that I might have adhd, I went in thinking I’d just get the autism diagnosis so it wasn’t something I would have found out on my own probably. so it can be good to get an outside opinion, especially as, like I said, we can be really bad at self assessment. 3) it feels good to know you have a piece of paper to throw at rude family members/teachers/doctors who don’t believe it’s real 4) if you can find a good psychiatrist/psychologist it can be such a good thing to have that support and to get genuinely good advice from a professional you trust. doesn’t always happen but if u can find one it’s a godsend

wow this got long. to summarise, if you think you have adhd or anything else I would

research and educate yourself. for adhd probably the best thing to do is read driven to distraction and delivered from distraction, written by two psychiatrists who are adhd themselves. they’re both in this google drive along with loads of other resources I’ve collected, there’s also books about autism as well. as a disclaimer not everything/everyone here has my 100% endorsement some of it is there for academic/historical interest or only parts are helpful but by and large it’s useful. also watch this video and feel Seen

look for a good psychologist/psychiatrist if you’re going for a diagnosis. see if there’s an adhd organisation in your country/area and if they can recommend anyone. a lot of the time you’re better going to a child/educational psychologist who’ll see adult clients as they tend to Get It more. do look for someone who is clear about having experience in adult adhd bc unfortunately even qualified psychologists get a LOT wrong so make sure you get someone who knows what they’re doing before you give them your money

yes it can be really expensive. but if you’re needing to access things like medication or welfare I think it’s well worth the trouble and the money. my sister got diagnosed in her second year of college and was able to save her degree bc of extensions on projects and things like that (I didn’t get diagnosed until after college and spent four years torturing myself I WISH I had known) and it can be something that’s better done sooner rather than later. So if it’s something you can do without putting yourself in financial danger I think it’s good to bite the bullet and go for it. like I used up basically all my savings BUT I now can access disability payments and medication so it was worth it for me. it’ll be different for everyone so use your judgement obviously

anyway hope this helped! let me know if you need anything else! and good luck on your journey

[feisty-fae]

If you still do the flower ask thingys.. 👉👈 𝘼𝙡𝙡 𝙤𝙛 𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙢 𝙜𝙤 :)

HoooH boY hEre we gO-

Alisons: Sexuality?

I sexually identify as a can of beans

Amaranth: Pronouns/Gender?

Cis female she/her

Amaryllis: Birthday?

27 September

Anemone: Favorite flower?

All flowers pretty,, but stargazer lily, rose, dahlia and cherry blossoms

Angelonia: Favorite t.v. show?

I don't watch tv but I'll list some other stuff i like to watch:mha, beastars and aggretsuko

Arum-Lily: What’s the farthest you’d go for a stranger?

Idk depends on scenario??

Aster: What’s one of your favorite quotes?

"Kanye West he likes, fingers in his ass."

Aubrieta: Favorite drink?

Any Milkshakes or smoothies (mostly banana and strawberry for milkshake and p much anything for smoothie)

Baby’s Breath: Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?

I've never had kith

Balsam Fir: Have you ever been in love?

Well you see yes but actually no

Baneberries: Favorite song?

I listen to a lot but to keep it short:baby in the kitchen, in my mouth and friends slowed (chase atlantic)

Basket of Gold: Describe your family.

We p chill fam

Beebalm: Do you have a best friend? Who is it?

Irl bestie,, shes not on tumblr lol

Begonia: Favorite color?

PinKKK

But i like most colours

Bellflower: Favorite animal?

Cats,,,,

FoxES,

ANYTHING CUDDLY AND CUTE

Bergenia: Are you a morning or night person?

Night

Black-Eyed Susan: If you could be any animal for a day, what would it be?

I'd be like a doggo bc it would be the most fun i think-

Bloodroots: When you were a kid, what did you want to be when you grew up?

I wanted to be a vet but then when my granny asked me "but whos gonna clean up the animal poop?" I was like "eWW pO0pP!" and then decided that mayb i shouldn't be a vet

Bluemink: What are your thoughts on children?

They're either really kind and sweet

Or literal demons from hell

Legit no inbetween

Blazing Stars: What are you afraid of? Is there a reason why?

I'm afraid of lot of things-

Borage: Give a random fact about your childhood.

I was one dumbass bitcg-

Bugleherb: How would you spend your last day on Earth?

Idk eat pizza and cry or smth ajakamkw

Buttercup: Relationship Status?

Single

Camelia: If you could visit anywhere, where would you want to go?

NEW YORKKK, CONCRETE JUNGLE WHERE DREAMS ARE MADE OFFF THERE'S NOTHING YOU CAN'T DO NOW YOU'RE IN NEW YOOORKKK

Candytufts: When do you feel most loved?

When someone hugs me or just generally spends time with me

Canna: Do you have any tattoos?

Nop

Canterbury Bells: Do you have any piercings?

I used to have piercings when i was a bab but eHh haven't worn them since and i dont think my ear holes are big enough now-

California Poppy: Height?

4'10 grrr I'm the omega midget and I'll devour ur ankles

Cardinal Flower: Do you believe in ghosts?

Nop

Carnation: What are you currently wearing?

Pant, pink top and black hoodie

Catnip: Have you ever slept with a nightlight?

I think i have??

Chives: Who was the last person you hugged?

My mom and my dad

Chrysanthemum: Who’s the last person you kissed?

I never kith

Cock’s Comb: Favorite font?

I dont have one so imma say sans bc it always looks out of place and makes me laugh-

Columbine: Are you tired?

No

I feel like screaming and jumping around my room like a crackhead

Common Boneset: What are you looking forward to?

Nothing in particular ig

Coneflower: Dream job?

Smth kinda fun and art or design related hopefully,,,,

Crane’s-Bill: Introvert or extrovert?

Introvert but i also get lonley easily

Crocus: Have you ever been in love?

Nop,,,,

Crown Imperial: What’s the farthest you would go for someone you care about?

I would get run over by 5 monster trucks, jump off a plane, get mauled by 10 bears, get trampled on by a stampede, get brutally tortured for 12 hours straight, yeet myself into the Grand Canyon and then break all my bones with my bare hands if they weren't broken already

Ok basically i care a lot

Cyclamen: Did you have a favorite stuffed animal as a child? What was it?

I had this st bernard plush called Sparky and this lion named Sammy,,

Daffodil: What’s your zodiac sign?

Libra

Dahlia: Have you done anything worth remembering?

My memory is legit so bad it's probably concerning uHHH

Daisy: What do you feel is your greatest accomplishment?

Mayb art??

Daylily: What would you do if your parents didn’t like your partner(s)?

Ehhh i might reason with them and then if they still disagreed I'd just keep the relationship a secret

Dendrobium: Who is the last person that you said “I love you” to?

My parents

False Goat’s Beard: What is something you are good at?

Ehhh arT

Foxgloves: What’s something you’re bad at?

EhhHh everything that isn't art-

Freesia: What are three good things that have happened in the past month?

Oh boy here comes my shitty memory-

Hmmm

Idk but I'm mostly happy that I've been more social and stuff and i feel like im kinda coming out of my shell a bit

Not sure what to say for other 2 bc nothing in particular has really happend?

Garden Cosmos: How was your day today?

Ehhh oK??

Gardenia: Are you happy with where you’re at in your life?

Mayhapsn't

Gladiolus: What is something you hope to do in the next year or two?

I hope to pass all my exams and get an okish job mayb

Glory-of-the-Snow: What are ten things that make you happy/you’re grateful to have in your life?

1.fRIENBS ILY MY HABIBIS

2. Fammm

3. eHhh yummy food,,

4. Drawing and uhhh art

5. EPIC MUTUALS

6. Ok idk what else aside from like serious stuff like house and etc.-

Heliotropium: What helps you calm down when you feel stressed?

Drawing, crying, venting to a friend/parent

Hellebore: How do you show affection?

Hugssss,kith,cuddle, *draws u stuff*

Hoary Stock: What are you proudest of?

MmmmmMy aRRt?

Hollyhock: Describe your ideal day.

Wake up

Don't go to school

Vibe with friends

Sleeb

Hyacinth: What do you like to do in your free time?

MmMmMM aRT-

Hydrangea: How long have you known your best friend? How did you meet them?

Ehh 8yrs? We met in hell school

Irises: Who can you talk to about (almost) everything?

Friendos

Mom

Laceleaf: How many friends do you have?

6..?? Aa idk theres some people that idk if they'd consider me a friend or not,,

Lantanas: What’s the best compliment you’ve ever received?

Idk any compliment is best compliment for me,,

Larkspur: What do you think of yourself?

Ew yucky gröss

Lavender: What’s your favorite thing about yourself?

m y a r t

Also my hair bc its soft and wavy,,

Leather Flower: What’s your least favorite thing about yourself?

Everything else-

Lilac: What’s something you liked to do as a child?

Climb trees and do dumb shit

Lily: Who was your best friend when you were a kid?

Same irl bestie i mentioned before

Lily of the Incas: What is something you still feel guilty for?

MmmmmmMMM,,,

Lily of the Nile: What is something you feel guilty for that you shouldn’t feel guilty about?

MMMmMMmMMMMmmmMMm,,,,,,

Lupine: What does your name mean? Why is that your name?

Well I chose Fae bc i thought it sounded pretty

Marigold: Where did you grow up? Tell us about it.

Idk what to rlly say lmao

Morning Glory: What was your bedroom like growing up?

Kinda the same but i had toys everywhere-

Also when i was like 5 i had this legit fucking cursed thomas the tank engine shaped bed that i actually found a pic of but it's FUCKING HORRIFYING SO I PROBS WONT SHOW HERE-

Mugworts: What was it like for you as a teenager? Did you enjoy your teenage years?

EW BEING A TEENAGER SUCKS ASS HOW DO I UNDO????

Norwegian Angelica: Tell us about your mom.

Hi mom ily ur epic

Onions: Tell about your dad.

Hi dad ily ur epic

Orchid: Tell about your grandparents.

Omg i miss my grannies sm bc i couldn't see em this year bc nasty pandemic

Pansy: What was your most memorable birthday? What made it be so memorable?

Haha shit memory gor brrRR-

I don't really remember too many specific parties but when i was like 7-10 i had these epic parties in those birthday places with the giant play areas

I kinda wish i wasn't too old to go to them sobs

Peony: What was your first job?

I haven't had a job yet

Petunia: If you’re in a relationship, how did you meet your partner(s)? If you’re not in a relationship, how did you meet your crush/how do you hope to meet your future partner(s), if you want any?

Hmmmm idk? I haven't really thought abt that but i don't really mind i just wanna find someone to vibe with,,

Pincushion: How do you deal with pain?

I cri

Pink: Where is home?

Home is home home

Plantain Lilies: If you could go back in time, what is one thing you would stop/change?

Now where do i start...

Prairie Gentian: Who is someone you look up to? Describe them.

I look up to people that are kind, caring, brave, funny, cool or stronger than me ig?

Primrose: Describe your ideal life.

Basically my current life minus school, stress,pandemic and responsibilities lmao

Rhodendron: What is something you used to believe in as a child?

I used to believe in ghosts after i thought i encountered one

Ricinus: Who’s the most important in your life?

Hermmmst

Rose: What’s your favorite sound?

Peoples laughsss also music

Rosemallows: What’s your favorite memory?

Bro i dont have one,, my aphantasia makes it hard for me to remember stuff-

Sage: What’s your least favorite memory?

A

Snapdragon: At this moment, what do you want?

I wantttt better chargersss thattt donttt telll meee thatt myyy tablett will finishh chargingg innn 1 dayy andd 7 hoursss

St. John’s Wort: Is it easy or difficult for you to express how you feel about things?

Kinda difficult but im opening up more

Sunflower: What is something you don’t want to imagine life without?

fRIENDS,,,,,wAh

Sweet Pea: How much sleep did you get last night?

8 hrs

Tickseed: What’s your main reason to get up every morning?

Idk ig i kinda have to go to school and do stuff

Touch-Me-Not: How do you feel about your current job?

Non existant

Transvaal Daisy: What’s your favorite item of clothing?

My black and white stripy top, and all my hoodiess

Tropical White Morning Glory: Describe your aesthetic.

I don't think i have just one aesthetic bc im drawn to so many different aesthetics at the same time-

Like vintage, neon, dark, spoopy, pastel, cute, etc etc

Tulip: What would be the best present to get you?

OMG I LEGIT JUST SCREAM AT ANYTHING ANYONE GIVES ME-

IF SOMEONE GOES OUT OF THEIR WAY TO MAKE ME SMTH I CRY,,

Vervain: What’s stressing you out most right now?

🤏

Wisteria: How many books have you read in the past few months? What were they called?

I haven't been reading anythinggg

But i should really finish reading Percy Jackson bc it do be picking up dust-

Wolf’s Bane: Where do you want to be in life this time next year?

Everywhere

Yarrow: Do you know what vore is?

Mmm yummy 👅

Zinnia: Give a random fact about yourself.

I am currently living and breathing yes