#Literally. No one ever told me this happened

[foulphantomllama]

The Pen: One-Shot | Pool Winner

Ahn Yujin x Male Reader (POV)

I was so tired that I go straight to bed when I arrived home. And then, of course I was late in the morning. I shouldn’t be late tho. Because today was a big day. I got out from the bed, brushed my teeth and wore my jeans and shirt in nearly just five minutes. I hoped into my car and drive straight to the record studio. I worked with many famous artists. But today, IVE  were visiting us to record a special track. I was too excited to see my bias, Yujin. I dreamed about this day ever since I knew that they were coming to our studio. I even prepared my albums and photocards in order to get them signed by the group. But especially Yujin.

But there was a big problem. I already got the text from my friend that says they’re about to be here. And the problem was that I forgot my bag in home. As you can guess, I was already there, at the record studio. I rushed inside my booth and make my preparations. It was that moment that I realized that I forgot my bag at home. Fuck. There was no turning back from there. They’re here, our secretary opened the booths door and said to me. I went out from the booth and greet the girls. They were even more gorgeous than they look on the screen. Especially Yujin, oh boy she was glowing. I briefed them about the song and the standart procedure, then we started. I turned back to my booth. And we did a part of the recording. I was so dehydrated and I needed a cofee break. I got out from the recording booth and went downstairs to get myself a coffee. Many of my friends from work knew that I was obssessed with Yujin. Some of them were encouraging me to talk to her. I mean, I did not see the point? What is going to happend? We suddenly start dating? I got my coffee and went upstairs.

I returned to my place and give the greenlight to the team to start recording again. But suddenly, power went out. Generators were not working. This happened to us before tho. I was familiar with the problem so we just used the backup generators. But sadly, they were no good for powering up our recording gear. It was just for lights and kitchen. So that we can survive in the studio and do the lightwork until the problem gets fixed. Sometimes it get fixed quickly, sometimes it takes a remarkable amount of time. I went out to talk to the girls agent. This kind of artists were using different artists in different countries, in US, they working with an American agent. I never seen or heard about her.  So I asked how many days will the girls will be around. She told me 4 maybe 5. I said that we may have to postpone the recording for today so that the girls go to their hotels and rest. She said it is a great idea. She went to the other room to make phonecalls to arrange a driver for the girls. During that time, I went into my cabin again and start looking at my phone. I never realized that Yujin was doing the same in the recording are. my eyes caught Yujin sitting in the recording area of the booth. She smiled and wawed at me. This was an interaction I was not expecting. I studied Korean in my University years and I was familiar with the language. Although has been a long time since I used it. I said, fuck it! When are you going to get the chance to talk to Yujin again? I got out of my section of the booth and get right inside to the recording area. She was wearing white knee socks, a crop tank top and jean shorts. And let me tell you, her shorts was literally short. I tried not to look at her legs and belly button so that I would not look like a creep in our first interaction.

I said hi with my broken Korean. She greeted me with a kind gesture. You know the little bowing they do when they greet somebody. I did the same. She asked me if I know Korean, or If i just know the basics like greeting and asking names. I said that I think that we can communicate in Korean. She said that not many Americans know Korean. “They barely know English don’t worry.” She laughed at my joke very loudly. I insulted my own people to make Yujin laugh. Totally worth it tho. We surprizingly started chatting about things about life and work. Then, their manager get inside the booth. And opened Google translate in order to tell Yujin something. She looked at me with a smiling face. It was a reference to the thing I said about Americans. I already fell into her humour. “I can translate.” I said to her agent. She relieved. “Tell her that we’re stuck here for a moment because I did not find any cars to drive them to the hotel.” I translated this to Yujin. She asked me to ask about the girls. “What about the other girls?” I asked. “They’re visiting the area with some guards. We can arrange a host for her if she wants to do so too.” I translated this too. Yujin replied “No, I will wait here. Thank you.” I was surprised. “She stays. Don’t worry she is in good hands.” I replied to the agent. She said whatever and went out. And she come back in “If the power does not fixed in a few hours we will go to the hotel somehow.” Again, I translated. She answered in English. “Okay.” The agent went out again.

Yujin continued in her cute english “She talks very much.” She giggled. I laughed. “You want a coffee?” She nodded. “Yes, please.” I went downstairs to get her a coffee in a flash. I grabbed a coffee want went upstairs very quickly. My friends were cheering for me. Of course there were cameras. I gave her the coffee and went into my recording booth, unplugged the camera and went back in. Our chat was too fun. We talked about music, industry, movies and many things. She is even a better person than you see and read in online. She is an angel. Literally.

My eyes were having a hard time trying not to look at her thighs and legs. But It was literally impossible. I tried to distract myself by saying that she is my bias in IVE. The moment I said this, her face blushed. I can see that she was embarassed. I tried to comfort her by saying “And you’re even prettier in real life.” I don’t think what I said helped her the slightest, but I wanted to say it anyways. But I can see that she was a little bit more comfortable about this whole situation when I said “I wanted to bring you my albums and wanted you to sign but..” She interrupted “What happened?” I answered, “I forgot them at home when I was trying to be here on time for you.” “Oh, that is so cute. I still sign them for you If you want.” I asked how can we do it. She answered. “Maybe I can come around with you and sign them for you. Is your house far away from here?”

That was an answer i did not expect. She just really wanted to come home with me? Should I do it? “It’s not very far away. A seven or eight minute drive and I’m home.” “Great!” she answered. As soon as we finish this recording, I will come with you and sign your albums she said. “We probably going to finish tomorrow. I bring them with me if you want.” She looked at me. “No, don’t carry them around with you. I can come with you.” I agreed. After a moment of silence, she took the last sip from her coffee and wanted a pen. I gave her mine. I always keep a pen in my pocket. She signed the paper cup and gave it to me. “Let’s start with this.”   And then her agent came in. “Let’s go” she said, our car is here.

And she went with her agent. It was going so good that I did not wanted it to end. At least, I got a promise from her. She will come to my home and sign my albums and photocards. I did not mention this to anybody. And I went home. Later that night I got a text from the studio. The problem was fixed and the studio was ready for recording. At least we did half of the song. Only a few hours of work left to do.

As I was getting ready to go to bed, I got a notification. IT WAS FROM YUJIN. SHE MESSAGED ME. It was saying, “I got your instagram from our agent. She asked so many questions. LOL.” “Oh, Hi!” I texted back. And I wanted to be a little bit funny. “Do I know you, princess?” She sent me a sticker of a cat holding a heart. And texted “Can you send me pictures of your photocards?” I got up and took a little video of my binder for her, then sent it. She replied quickly. “Even from IZ*ONE?”  “Yup.” I replied. “You deserve a lot of signs lol” She texted. And continued texting. “I need to sleep now but.. See you tomorrow.” She texted and sent that cat emoji again. I wished her good night. She liked my message. Then I went to sleep. Or at least I tried.

In the morning, if i completely be honest, I waited for a good morning message. I opened our chat and started typing things. But i did not sent anything. When I was doing so, she suddenly texted. “Morning. What were you typing?” I quickly had the control of the situation by saying; “I wanted to tell you good morning but i did not sure that you’re awake. And I did not want to wake you up.” The cat sticker. Again. “Your pen is with me right now. I forgot to give it back.” “You can keep it if you liked it” I replied. “Thank you, I will sign your albums with this. Haha.” She replied again. I said that I need to go to the studio. “See you at the recording.” I texted. She liked my message. But no cat sticker this time.

I arrived at the studio. The girls were already there. We quickly started the recording. It went pretty well. We finished even quicker than I expected. We wrapped up the recording and they left the studio. Except Yujin. When a K-Pop artist comes another country to record a special track, they had time to explore the country and buy some souvenirs. Yujin decided to spend her time with me. But her attitude was different from yesterday. She was like more.. intimitading. She approached me. This time she was wearing a skirt and a crop t-shirt. And a Nike shoe. That crop was a must. She loved to show her abs.

As we started to walk towards my car, she said that she needs a cover up before entering my car. She said someone might took her photos and start rumours. I gave her a cap and a long coat. We entered my car very quickly. And I drove her away from a safer zone. Along the way, she kept asking me personal questions. But the most important one was when she asked “Do you have a girlfriend?” “No” I answered. And I don’t know why i kept giving her my personal information but, i continued; “She cheated on me. So we broke up.” “What a bitch!” she answered. Then she quickly get emberassed because she swore. “Don’t worry” I said. You are still so cute when you are swearing. She laughed. “I wouldn’t cheat on you beacuse you’re a good person. And you’re handsome too.” She said. I was pretty shocked to hear this. I looked at her face. “Look at the road.” She turned my face towards to the road. “You will see my face enough today.” She continued. “It will never be enough tho.” I answered. “Sorry If i offended you by saying I wouldn’t cheat on you. I did not upsed you did I? “She asked. “Why would I be offended by that?” I asked. She kept her silence for a moment. And contiuned; “You always say I’m so cute, so beautiful, Aren’t I sexy and hot?” Okay. This was something different. She obviously trying to flirt with me. I was very close to get a one night stand with my bias. I was feeling confident.

We arrived my house. I opened her door and hold her hand while she got out from my car. She thanked me and we started walking to my house. I have a modest house. I am a successfull record producer. But also I try to live a humble life. She was fascinated by my house. I never understand if she was being polite or if she really liked it but, that was the situation.

After we entered the house, she said that if I have something fresh to drink. I offered her a beer or a coke. She took the beer. As he was drinking her beer, she got up and started to walk around my house. My record collection, my computer. She was taking a full interest in me. The she asked “Where are your albums and cards. I want to see them.” I gave her the bag. She started to sign them with my pen. And after some time she finished signing them. She put them onto my desk. And sit beside me. “Do you love me?” She asked. “What are you talking about?” I asked. “Come on, you said I’m your bias. Didn’t you ever jerked off to my fancam?” Okay. It was happening. “I think about it.” I said. I got a boner sometimes. But I did not jerked off to you.” She took of her phone and checked to clock. It was 2 P.M. “I need to be in the Hotel by 4 P.M.” She said. “We have two hours.” Two hours for what I asked. She didn’t even replied and just kissed me on the cheek. I hold her neck and started kissing her lips. She started to took my clothes off. I did the same. She was left with her socks and her bra. I was only with my pants and my socks. She took of my pants and sit on my leg. We were kissing very passionately. Our lips were sealed to each other and our tongues were dancing in each others mouth. I took off her panties. And I carried her to my bedroom. Throw her to the bed and get on top of her. I started to kiss her every inch. Her nose, her lips and her neck. I started to go down slowly. I squeezed her tits. My cock was rock hard. But kissing her soft lips and her soft boobs was feeling like heaven. But I needed to go down on her and eat her pussy. When I started to eat her pussy, her body was shaking with my every touch. She was getting goosebumps everytime i lick her clit. It was so wet and so soft. I started fingering her pussy. After a while, I gave her an orgasm. Her juice was all over my hand. I licked my hand and I turned her back and started licking her asshole. “Don’t, It’s so gross.” She said while moaning. I answered “No, I want this.” As she was moaning and saying things in Korean, I stopped licking her asshole. Gave her ass a good spank and turned her back to me. “I want to suck your cock.” She looked at me with her cute eyes. I lay down on my bed, she get up and started to suck my cock. Yujin was sucking my cock.

She was so good. As she sucked my cock, I felt like she was sucking my soul off from my body. “Are you coming?” She asked me. “Yes, a little bit more, then I will be coming.” She stopped and said; “Do you want to cum on my boobs or on my back?” “I want to cum on your belly button.” I said. “You do that.” I was about to cum, I said to her that I was about to cum. I hold my wet cock. And started jerking it off to Yujin’s belly. My ropes of cum were on her belly. She rub her belly with her finger and eat my cum. “You should have just cum into my mouth” She said. “We still have time” I said.

She asked me for a condom. I always carry one in my wallet. I took of my wallet and take the condom inside. She hand gestures me saying give me the condom. She took the condom into his hands. Her red nail polish looked so sexy while she is holding my cock. She put the condom on, and turn her back to me. She was bent over in front of me. I got closer to her pussy and kissed it. Then i put my cock into her pussy. She was moaning like hell. But I wasn’t gentle with her. I put the tip in, waited a second that put it all the way in. Very hard.  I was hammering her. Holding her waist. I was holding her waist so hard that it was starting to go red. I let go of her waist and started to spank her ass. Left, right, left, right. With each spank, she was moaning a little more. I realized that I was about to cum, so I changed the position. Since she is very tiny, I was able to turn her face to me. I put her legs to my shoulder and took of her socks. Her little feet was on my face. I was kissing her feet wile i pound her pussy. She was screaming in English at this point. Then I put her legs down and get a little bit closer to her face. I was kissing her face as I was fucking her pussy. She was also scraching my back like crazy. As I pound her, she started to scrach a little bit more. At some point, I can feel that my back was bleeding.

She came for a second time. This time it was all over my cock and my legs. I continued to pound her pussy. I was about to cum. I took off the condom in a hurry, get closer to her face and cum on her face. She licked the cum near her lips. I gave her a napkin. She cleaned her face. Her face was so pink. I can tell that I fucked her really good. She hugged me. That hug was better than the sex. She looked at the time. “We have 20 minutes.” she said. “Where is your pen? I need your pen.” She continued. I got up and brought her the pen. She signed my left chest. And kissed it. “I was thinking about singing your forehead but you need to drive me to the hotel.” She said. I laughed. “Now I have two reasons not to take a bath” I said. “What was the first?” she asked. “Your smell is all over me. I never want it to disappear.” I answered. She hugged me again. “Will you help me dress up?” “Of course.” I answered. I helped her wear her clothes. She did not wear her bra and her socks. “You can keep those. In case you miss my smell.” She said. Then I asked “Will I Ever see you again?” She hugged me again and said; “I don’t think so. But If you see me again, you can be sure that we’re going to do this again.” I was devastated to hear that but, what else was going to happen? “I will text you tho.” She continued. “Now, let’s go. I’m going to be late.” I get dressed up and carried her to the car. As we were getting closer to the hotel, a sadness was taking over my body. Her little hand was on my thigh. It was a feeling that cannot be described with words.

Then we arrived at her hotel. She took off the pen one last time, put on her cap and coat and signed my forehead. Gave me a kiss on the lips. “Goodbye.” She said. “Goodbye.” I replied. As she got into the hotel and disappeared from my sight, I was just standing here. Frozen. Trying to process what happened in the last few hours. I smelled my right hand. It was still smelling like her.

And I drove off to my home.

THE END.

[iamasaddie]

craving

paring: Ezra x f!reader rating: explicit summary: he knew about you something that you refused to know about yourself warnings: CNC; explicit sexual content; dark until it’s not; no use of y/n, UNEDITED a/n: oh wow who would've thought i finally posted my fic for my own fucking challenge, ta daaaaa word count: 2.6k masterlist

You felt the air sticking to your lungs like honey, thick and almost burning, making each labored breath harder and harder. You didn’t know why you tried to run; you didn’t know what made you feel that his lack of hand somehow would affect his running skills. It didn’t. He had a nose like a dog, sniffing out your trail almost immediately and catching you by the neck. You would try to scream, but the honey-thick air was still filling your lungs. He dragged you by the hair through the mud of the long-forgotten planet, filled by barbarians, killers, thieves, and you, an unfortunate traveler. He didn’t say a word, out of breath himself, the cursed place was slowly killing each inhabitant who tried to breathe its thick, almost liquid air for too long.

At one point you started helping him drag you; there wasn’t much you could do, but at least his cabin had an air filter. The man threw you to the wooden floor of his little shack while he fumbled with the door. Turning back to look at you, he threw his hand above his head, leveraging himself on a wooden plank. You had dirt under your fingernails, your hair a tangled mess, and when you lifted your eyes you saw his condition was no better. Perspiration covered his face in thick droplets, dirty hair sticking to his forehead and temples, three days worth of stubble smudged with some dirt that could also be seen on his cotton coverall. His eyes weren’t angry; they never were, but there was a distinct dark look that always told you there was nothing good ahead for you.

“Oh, my dumb little birdie, don’t you know how much you disappoint me when you try to run away like that? I warned you not to do that, told you it was dangerous out there. I told you to stay here and I’d make sure nothing bad happens to you.” He lowered himself on his knees, almost crawling to you, getting so close you could hear the smell of his sweat. Closer, closer, his knee between your spread legs, too close. Not giving it a single thought, you spat in his face in anger, a fat glob of your saliva landing on his cheek.

“You’re the worst thing that could’ve ever happened to me, you sick fuck.” 

Ezra’s eye twitched a little and he let out a long breath, wiping off the remnants of your spit with the corner of his sleeve, the only one that was filled out. 

He tilted his head slightly, so that now his thick eyebrows cast a shadow over his brown eyes, turning them into an impenetrable blackness. It always seemed to you that there was great power in his eyes. How a one-armed thief with a specific manner of communication could live in this place for so long was still a mystery to you, but if you could look deeper into his eyes, you would definitely find the answer. Even if it's not the answer that would make you breathe a sigh of relief.

His heavy hand fell on your leg, squeezing your shin to the point that you were ready to squeal, but did not give him such pleasure. The man's voice remained sweetly insinuating, discouragingly calm. That voice made the blood in your veins thicken, the beats of your pulse became almost painful.

“Now tell me, is this an appropriate way for a young lady like yourself to talk to her caregiver?” You could hardly believe your ears. What the hell was he talking about? The psychopath took advantage of your desperate situation months ago, and now you were literally his hostage.

“Caregiver? Did you drink your own piss this morning? You’re nothing more than a slaveowner.”

Your grin was ferocious, harsh words flying from your lips like knives, only to miss their mark. Ezra smiled indulgently, the way a parent laughs at their child's silly tantrum. His palm slid higher, squeezing the soft flesh of your thigh, and his knee almost pressed into the heat of your core, where the pulse beat was particularly intense.

“It is all right, my little feathered monster. I know you're upset, frustrated. All these big feelings don't let you see straight,” he said with a smile, as if he expected you to try to escape again and was calculating your steps in advance. Instead, your eyes wandered over his body, which gradually began to press you to the floor, without noticing it, you were already in thrall to his hips, buttocks covered only with the thin material of his clothes confidently pressed you into the hard wooden floor. And, his hand, for the umpteenth time that day, it became difficult to breathe. You felt a smooth movement, Ezra was pressing his groin against you and where your blood was beating the hottest, he had a furious vulture ready to rip open your skin to get drunk. While your eyes were tied to the place where your two bodies touched in a very understandable dance, Era watched as the anger on your face was replaced by embarrassment and fear, he literally heard the blood running to your chest and neck, making your skin burn.

“Wha-- What are you doing?” You asked, your voice lacking any hint of the previous arrogance. It was nothing like the familiar melody of rage you had played for him at every opportunity. Your words were timid, almost afraid of what was happening.

Ezra smiled indulgently, as if he was watching a child's tantrum, his hand sliding up and lightly pressing the palm of his hand on your neck. He squeezed your jaw with his index finger and thumb, making it difficult to take your eyes off him. The sound of his voice was hardly louder than your own, as he spoke softly. “I am going to help you, sweet creature. I won't let the mundane feelings of a weak body torture your soul.”

It all sounded ridiculous, nonsensical, and full of the fear that came from the unknown. What the hell was he talking about? Why couldn't he talk like normal people, why all those curly expressions and mixed signals? However, from the movements of his tense body, it was not difficult to understand exactly how he was going to "free you from torment" and it scared you the most.

One might have thought that a classic maniac or kidnapper, who had been alone in the middle of nowhere for a long time, would first of all try to take advantage of all the physical pleasures that the body of a young and quite pretty girl could provide, but there was nothing ordinary about Ezra, for all the time he was forced to be in his company, he never I touched you in that way. You had spent the first two weeks of your captivity locked in a small, sparsely furnished room, before making your first escape attempt - something that ended in failure the moment you opened the door, only to find your kidnapper waiting just beyond it with the corpse of some mutated creature on his shoulder. Another week passed in tearful grief over your naivete, a couple of days of anger, bargaining, depression and, finally, acceptance. Ezra kept saying that he was only trying to help and that everything he was doing was for your own good. When asked why he chose you as the victim of his care, he only said that he saw a sign. You never found out what kind of sign it was.

Not for a single day did the idea of running away leave you, even when he gave you your own room, thoughtfully plugging up the windows with wooden boards beforehand. He placed his battered sofa in front of your door. Even when he trusted you to keep an eye on the house, wash the dishes, including the long, always sharpened knives, the thought of escape still lingered in your mind. You've always wanted to escape, but you've never wanted to kill him. Ezra made you keep an eye on the house; if reading out your to-do list in the morning could be called that. At first, you rebelled. You sat in the center of your room and stared at the wall. However, when he stopped bringing you portions of food, and your stomach began to hurt so much that it wouldn't even let you fall asleep, you gave up. You were the mistress of the house, he would leave and lock you in. Your life had become a rusty but still working mechanism. This went on for several months while you hatched a new escape plan, your next failure, but you could not imagine what it would entail.

“No, no, Ezra, please, not this. I promise I won’t try to run away anymore, I promise I’ll stay with you.”

You tried to wriggle out of the grip of his body, but it seemed the harder you tried to slip away, the tighter his grip was. The metal cage of his body belied the suffocating tenderness in his voice.

“Shhh, of course you won’t run, silly, you won’t ever want to.” His voice paralyzed your body, your attempts to escape became weaker and weaker, you knew that you had no more chance of escaping now than the first time. And maybe ten times less, because now he wants something from you that he can't get from others. Now he wants you from you. To some extent, his insistent hand that moved from your neck to the rope of your sweatpants was soothing, understandable. There was no catch in what he wanted to take, there was no mystery, and it was as if it allowed you to relax. For the first time, you didn't have to hide from the hundreds of questions and riddles that sting your daily existence, painful from the fact that they always remained unsolved.

“Come back to me,” a light slap on your cheek brought you back to the present, to the present where your sweatpants were pulled off one leg and dangled on the ankle of the other. The present, where your abductor's intimidating and unnaturally hot cock rested in the slit of your pussy lips. “I'll take care of you, my bird.”

He was kneeling between your spread legs, his cock shining with moisture, either from the undying heat of the room, or from the growing excitement of his body. A hot palm touched your skin, exploring new expanses, new curves and bulges, new textures.

As if he’d done it a thousand times before, the rough pad of his thumb found your clit, giving it a barely-there touch first, and then pressing harder, just stating the ownership over this part of you in a couple of strokes. 

You didn’t understand if your body wanted to betray you or save you, the growing slick between your thighs became more than obvious, you knew he could see it, feel it. Ezra didn’t say a word. He just let the slow, lazy strokes of his thumb ignite the fire you were unable to put out. Skin-to-skin friction created sparks that you were sure you would have been able to see if your gaze had not been sewn with strong threads to your tormentor's face. Your savior's face? His mouth opened in awe, brows knitted together with concentration, Devil’s flames in his dark orbs. He was beautiful in his wickedness. You felt your hips move up, trying to make the pressure more prominent, make his fingertip leave a print on the most sensitive part of your pussy. You gave yourself up to him too easily, submitting your defeat with a hollow moan.

“There you go, my little rebel,” his face was turned to where his fingers were straining pleasure out of your body, “you should’ve told me what you needed, you know I’d give it to you.”

“I did not need it.”

“You can lie to yourself, birdie, but you can’t lie to me,” his voice barely above whispering synched with your weep of a ruined upcoming orgasm when he took his hand away. “Tell me.”

“No.” You clenched your teeth, refusing to let him see the pain of the denied pleasure.

“Tell me that you needed it.” 

His palm enveloped the thick shaft distracting you for a moment with the primal beauty of the scene; he scooted closer to you and slapped your throbbing clit with the angry tip of his cock. 

Your moan still sounded like ‘no’, so he kept slapping your sensitive pussy over and over again, repeating the same demand. 

You had lost count how many obscene wet sounds you’d heard, how many smacks landed directly to your clit until you had finally given up.

“Yes! God, yes, I needed it, I needed it,” you kept crying, turning your head from side to side with vigor, ignoring the strands of hair tangling and sticking to your face.

He didn’t laugh, not at all, just let his cock lay in the crevice of your labia, as his hand, soaked in your mixed smells and liquids, gently cupped your sweaty face. “I know, my little feather, I know," his thumb traced your lower lip and you had won over the desire to bite into his flesh.

Instead of swallowing his finger with your mouth, your pussy generously swallowed his cock, stretching with every inch he pushed inside you. At that moment, it began to seem to you that you were lying through your teeth before. You did need it, how could you not have needed this painful stinging of your insides molding to fit him inside you? How didn’t you beg for the beautiful weight of his body that was pressing your shoulder blades into the floor so hard you knew they’d start bleeding soon? 

“Fuck, heaven and all the sacred places, I needed this, too,” he whispered in your ear wetly, and you felt the press of his full, hairy balls into the skin of your ass. 

With a painful bite, you drew blood from the lip he was just caressing as he started slow, but deliberate thrusting. The curve of his cock made sure that with each thrust he was hitting your g-spot, and it was way beyond your powers to stay quiet. Each push and pull of his hips were experienced musician’s hands on a well tuned guitar, you sang for him, his silly songbird. Ezra didn't hesitate to sing along with his moans, heavy breathing, and perverted compliments. 

Your bodies were tense, yours in search of orgasm, his in an unquenchable need to give it to you.

Thrust and pause and thrust again. Ezra’s body was practically laying on top of yours, his hand unable to hold his weight much longer. The coarse cubic hair around the base of his cock tingled and irritated your delicate, hot skin at first. But the harder he pressed into you, the more this feeling grew into the inescapable pleasure that, in tandem with the precise movements of his cock, became your undoing.

Or maybe a rebirth.

“It is still unfathomable to me as to why you’d want our first time to happen in such an animalistic and violent way,” Ezra’s lips pressed to your temple and you felt the tip of his tongue stealing a tiny drop of sweat from your skin.

“Maybe I am just as insane as you are,” you whispered out, your lids were too heavy to keep them open. Fat globs of his cum were leaking out of your stretched pussy, tickling the skin of your ass.

“You definitely are, my little psycho, who else would fall in love with their slaveowner?”

“Caregiver,” you smiled, pressing your body harder into the man.

[actuallyadhd]

Im so sick of being told “you have to help yourself” bc i literally do not know what that even means. My parents tell me they’ve taken me to so many therapists and that “I don’t listen to them” also don’t get what that means either. I feel like I’m so unfixable and will just never ever improve ever.

Sent June 3, 2024

This sounds rough, I'm so sorry this is happening to you.

Context would help me explain better, but I will see if I can decode these statements for you.

"You have to help yourself" means that people expect you to figure out solutions to your problems on your own. It sounds like they don't think you're trying and they are getting frustrated.

Not listening to your therapists seems to be along the same lines, that I guess your parents feel like the therapists have suggested things for you and you don't even try to do those things.

We all feel broken sometimes, and unfixable. I often have these thoughts. It gets overwhelming to be always dealing with these difficulties and having systems that work suddenly stop helping.

Something that helps me get through that feeling is remembering that I don't need to be "fixed". My brain isn't broken, it's just different. What I need is accommodations and support so that I can actually make stuff happen the way I want/need it to.

And yeah, even with accommodations and support and medication, I don't manage all that well some days. Inconsistency is the name of the game. It's how it is.

I don't mean to say that you should adopt my attitude. Some people need to think of their ADHD as being completely separate from them in order to deal with it effectively. I just offer my thoughts as an option.

I am going to make one small suggestion right now that might help you. That suggestion is to choose ONE THING that you are struggling with due to your ADHD. Think about how it needs to be changed so that it works out better for you. If you need help figuring out what it should be and how you might be able to change it, write in here again and we will see what we can do.

Start with that ONE THING.

Followers, have you got any words of encouragement for this Anon? It seems like they could use it right now.

-J

[goodluckclove]

How Clove Gardener Writes (an Overview)

I definitely told myself when I started this blog a billion years ago, at the dawn of human civilization, that I wouldn't make any attempt to tell you how to write. You know - other than saying just do it do the thing write it close the blog open the document type type three sentences bam look you did it good job i love you now go get yourself a treat.

But I've spoken to a few writers who seem to benefit from the insight of me just explaining how I write. So I thought I'd give a little peek into my own mindset. I cannot stress enough that this is what works for me. It's a methodology that I've built up over the course of like fifteen years of trying different things, keeping what works, and throwing the rest right out the goddamned window.

If any of this seems new and appealing give it a try. If it doesn't help I'm wrong and bad as a person (no I'm kidding but seriously if it doesn't work that's fine and we're both fine). If it helps you owe me a picture of a frog drawn from memory.

Let's see how long I ramble. Follow me under the read more!

Okay, so let's get this out of the way. I've never taken a writing class. No, that's not true. I took one when I was thirteen and another one in high school and I don't remember anything either of them taught me. Oh and I took an online creative writing class in college, but I also didn't retain anything and the next year I dropped out of college. So I also don't have a degree in jack shit.

What else? I don't outline. I've written upwards of 15 novels (13-15, I honestly can't remember) and I did not outline any of them. This includes character sheets and worldbuilding lore. My first published novel Blind Trust was born from the concept of the Lover's Knot, which is just like some witchy magic lore. I thought it would be cool so I was like "who could maybe be some guys" and then I introduced some guys and then bam 180k later it was Scott and Edgar.

I do virtually no preparation to write a novel other than the vaguest premise and maybe like one cool scene. I did not have a cool scene for Blind Trust, but I do have one for Migration Patterns. What I don't have is an ending. I don't think I've ever written a novel knowing how it ends.

Literally here's what I do. This is all I do. I sit down and I write until I don't know what's going to happen next, at which point I step away and I listen to some music or I go to the museum or I take a nap until I decide how to continue. That's it.

For me it's going to the zoo every day and seeing the monkeys. And every day they're doing something different. Sometimes they're sleeping, or they're pawing at each other, or they're gathering sticks. I can call out to them and offer to show them a card trick or share my Bugles with them, and they might come up to the wall of the enclosure to see what I'm doing. Or they might not. I do not really have control of the situation, but it doesn't matter because they aren't fully aware of me.

At some point either I have to leave the zoo for some reason. Maybe I'm tired, or maybe the monkeys have been pulled in to be fed their lunch (it's bananas and peanuts). Either way I add that day's behavior to the pile and then come back tomorrow.

Once I find an ending I go back and I read through the book again and trim any fat that's in the wrong places while adding flesh to some naked bones. Then I wait a week or more (usually I can only wait a week) and go back and do it again. By that point it's ready to hopefully have someone read it, after which I make small edits and tweaks.

That's how I do it. Or at least, that's how I do it for longform prose projects that I plan to publish. I've written plenty of novels that just stayed first drafts because I didn't feel like revising them and then I moved on to the next one. I don't regret that. I don't consider it a waste of time.

I would never consider a trip to the zoo a waste of time.

Anyways, that's what works for me. I don't know if all of this will apply to other brains. I don't know if any of it will. I figure it might just be useful to get an in-depth look at what I personally vibe with.

I'm so down to talk writing at any time, by the way. I love to do it. Tell me why you aren't writing and I would be happy to listen and try to help. Or just brainstorm. Seriously, my DMs and inbox are perpetually open. Talking about writing is one of my favorite things to do.

Let's go look at some monkeys together.

[duskmachine]

!! CHAINSAW MAN CHAPTER 167 SPOILERS !!

the newest chapter of chainsaw man and the reaction to it is actually making me feel like i've been blasted into a wall and broke every bone in my body. chapter 167 is the cumulation of everything denji theoretically wanted. he lost everything: his family, his home, his normal life. yet, he wished to become chainsaw man and wanted to "have tons and tons of sex!!"

it's happening all over again: denji was given a family, a home, good food, a normal life. but he, in his mind, killed aki. the guilt is eating at him; "there's no way i could ever have a family. i mean, i killed my own dad." nayuta even says, "i'll fill him up with happiness... then destroy it." and denji, failed to protect his only family, nayuta, ultimately "killing" her. (at the time of this post we don't know of her status)

so what does that have to do with chapter 167? the abuse has become part of denji's heart. he has no solid understanding of familial love, just that he seems to have an instinctual want for it. the same type of instinctual want that is his sex drive. he's moving purely with his heart which is driven by desires— desires that are fulfilled by a devil.

in chapter 167 both asa and denji have been assaulted. asa was not in control and denji did not utter a single word throughout the entire interaction. both are confused teenagers who function under selfish and conflicting wants. asa, who wishes to save denji because really she wants to be revered as a hero and seem like a better person. denji, who even in the face of great loss, wants to have "tons and tons of sex" because it's the only coping mechanism normalized for men.

these are desires of the heart and these devils exist to manipulate these desires into truths that exist in the most twisted way possible. chapter 167 is horrifying, not because "fujimoto how could you draw two teenagers in a sexual situation!!", but rather because these two teenagers will be irreversibly changed from their traumatic experiences because of the world of adults. they have been forced into using tools adults weaponize against each other: literal weapons, but also concepts of "justice", "love", and "sex". denji and asa are constantly being told what to do, and even worse, forced to do the biddings of adults and devils alike.

the chainsaw man church who claims all americans are "ultra violent" is immediately met with doubt from denji because he has been exposed to real americans who have all been relatively normal (at least, according to denji's definition of "normal"). denji can think for himself, but it requires him to be exposed to healthy and safe environments that allow him to learn... just like any other kid! this applies to asa too! she has never learned how to have healthy friendships, the one friend she has ever made put the adult responsibility of "justice" onto herself and became a monster. and asa had to kill her.

kids become monsters under heavy pressure from adults and the cycle of abuse never ends. i feel deeply sad that the reaction seems so reactionary and trivial. the horror of chainsaw man is the horror every teenager has to live through.

[professional-nutria-enjoyer]

woah ok just found out about james somerton faking his suicide and posting hole on his "secret" alt account and i think it might be some sort of dark kink he has. Its the only explanation i can find of why he keeps doing this type of shit

[stormesandshowersparttwo]

Hey sluts <3

[martyrbat]

[ID: Bruce Wayne and Minhkhoa Khan breaking up in the rain. Bruce is in normal civilian clothes while Khoa has a white cloak on and a mask that hides his eyes. Khoa persuades, “We'll start in a small city in Southeast Asia, and systematically dismantle its criminal underworld. Out all the corrupt politicians. And then we'll go to the next, and the next. We'll build a high-tech base of operations that moves with us. We'll live well off the coffers of the gangs we dismantle. We'll expand from there. In time, maybe we could even tackle a city like Gotham. Not like boys, but like men at the peak of our skills.” Bruce simply tells him, “No.” Minhkhoa points an accusatory finger at him as his angry response has been edited to be a post by @/egirlbutternubs that reads, “But babe you love being gaslit.” END ID]

[introspectivememories]

"evan, i find you adorable". adorable as in able to be adored. as in capable of being adored. as in i find you worthy of adoration. adorable, from the latin adorare (to worship) to adorabilis (in the sense 'worthy of divine worship') to the current day adorable. as in maybe if we had made it to the movies or if eddie didn't show up, i could've showed you just how much i want to worship you. as in i look at you and there is a font of adoration in my heart for you. adorable as in i flew into a hurricane with you and yet this date is a thousand times more thrilling than that. adorable as in there is a person in your building who saw me jump up and down like a little kid in the lobby after i had kissed you for the first time. adorable as in i kissed you and immediately thought fuck i could do this forever if he lets me. adorable as in i want to press kisses to your birthmark. adorable as in i spent the entirety of the days leading up to our date wondering about you, if you liked your coffee with two sugars or one. if you liked storms or if the lightning strike had put you off on them all together. if you liked cats or dogs or if you were the kind of weirdo who liked goats instead. if you thought about the kiss as often as i did. if your stomach tangled into twisted knots as saturday drew closer. if you would be agreeable to sitting in my lap. if you would blush as prettily as you did the day i kissed you. if your world also realigned when our lips met. if our orbits had matched up now that we flew into a hurricane together. if the gravitational pull between us had finally been too strong for either of us to resist that night in your loft. or maybe, more simply, adorable as in, "evan, i find you adorable."

[the-judicial-assistants-notebook]

sits up in bed. so lana and ema definitely thought they were responsible for edgeworth "choosing death", right?

(the rest of this post was supposed to go in the tags, because it's not very well organised or written, but it got too long so. here are the slightly edited tags for your reading pleasure (or otherwise)):

i was going to make this solely about ema because she's the obvious one with her open adoration of edgeworth, but the thing about rfta is that it goes to great lengths to emphasise the connection between lana and edgeworth as well.

the sl-9 incident showed that lana grows attached to people deeply, hence angel starr's comment on how, when neil marshall died, 'she (lana) felt like her own brother had died.' with edgeworth, i think it was similar but worse. because he's not just a coworker or subordinate who's dear to her. he saved her life. and it cost him his own.

at the beginning of the case, edgeworth says he was mistaken for thinking that lana was always looking out for him post sl-9 (a statement interesting on its own because that's when everyone else says she grew distant), and, later on, he brings ema fingerprinting powder because lana asked him to. then, of course, there's the 'lady luck' comment he makes.

similarly, on lana's side, you obviously have the end of the trial when she says he did well, but there's also that additional moment post-trial where she's the only one to notice — in a group comprising her, ema, phoenix and gumshoe — that he's 'hiding', listening to their conversation. point is, there's enough to suggest that she might have been the nearest thing edgeworth had to a mia; his 'chief prosecutor' to phoenix's plain 'chief'. they're as close as two people can be in a relationship where one of them is constantly lying and the other is von karma's star pupil.

rfta is pretty straightforwardly depicted as the case which solidified edgeworth's resolve to do what he did; i don't think i have to prove that. rumours about him have reached new heights, his car and knife were involved in goodman's murder, he makes an unprecedented mistake in court by failing to connect the evidence room and carpark incidents, thus forcing the chief of police to enter the trial to do so himself, and he's publicly revealed to have relied on falsified evidence to secure a conviction in the sl-9 case, all of which only happened because of lana. jake marshall even claims that from the beginning — that if you trace edgeworth's rumours back to their source, you end up meeting one person: lana skye.

and it gets worse because at the end of rfta, she thinks he's fine!! she literally says, 'i was afraid the pressure would break you, but you rose above it,' and reminds him he's nothing like gant because he's not alone. she leaves the case thinking he will be okay. and then, what, like a week passes, and she finds out that he wasn't, and that he's gone, and it's her fault. even after she was freed from gant's control, even after she had finally stopped lying, she couldn't prevent herself from claiming another life. so much for 'lady luck', i suppose.

and the game reiterates this multiple times. gumshoe states at the start that edgeworth's ties to those higher up in the department have made him the subject of constant rumours, and phoenix says (in front of ema) that he shouldn't be held responsible for the forged evidence because that was all lana's doing, which then leads to edgeworth commenting (again in front of ema) that he feels as though 'something inside him has died.' it all goes back to lana. we can argue and say that it was technically gant's doing that caused all of this, but lana still took actions that led to it. even her complicated friendship with edgeworth isn't spared; it's that closeness between them that exacerbated those rumours. how could she not feel responsible in some way?

and with ema, it's rather obvious, isn't it? if she hadn't gone poking her nose into things, none of this would have happened or come to light. and, of course, she'd never choose anyone over her sister, not for anything in the world — it's simply not a question, but that's the problem, isn't it? it's not a question. it's not some hypothetical moral dilemma. it just is. she may not have killed neil marshall, but she still has one king of prosecutor's blood on her hands. and now she has to live with that. she just. has. to live with it. no matter if he chose otherwise.

moving on from that a little, i think it's actually wild how much of ema's journey to becoming a forensics investigator is paved with bad memories. neil marshall's death and her subsequent inability to testify are what drives her to begin pursuing it, her first proper investigation results in her idol's "death" and when she finally graduates, the person who saved her sister has been disbarred, and she can't even help because she isn't allowed to. all that pain and constant pursuit of her goals, and she's still the same ema skye, still that girl shrouded in darkness, always one step behind the truth, one step a little too late. no wonder she was angry in aa:aj. i would be furious.

[foulphantomllama]

My Secret Desire | AESPA Winter x Male Reader

3. Eat My Heart

After that day, everytime I got alone with Minjeong, she jerked me off while insulting me. And I started insulting her. She seemed to liked it as much as i do. We were at the point that we could not quite sure if we are madly in love or hate each others guts. But nonetheless, it was one of the greatest periods of my life.

We also start spending time together. She told me about her dreams and I told her about mine. We were gettin along perfectly. In our own way of course. As we got more familiar with each other, I couln’t help but think about her body. Although she has been jerking me ever since that day, I never saw her naked. When I ask her about it, she always said soon. And I was waiting.

The day she came to my room she said to me that she wants to eat my heart. I guess now i know what she really meant. I was hers and she was mine. We were encouraging each other by literally bullying each other. We were kind of dating for a month now. But we never had sex. She jerks me off, when i try to touch her she gets mad and don’t let me touch her body.

She was a good dancer and her dream was to be a stage peformer. And she had everything to be one. Looks, charm and talent. But one day she came to me after her dance practice. She was crying. When I asked about what happened, she only said four words. “Fuck my brains out” It was so unexpected so I carried her to my bed and start to take off her clothes. Every peace of fabric I remove was exposing her skin. Her skin was pale white. I started kissing her little tits. With every kiss, she was moaning a little. I was kissing and squeezing her tits. Then I started to kiss my way down to her pussy. It was so wet. I started to lick my way around her pussy lips, guiding myself to her clit. She hold my head and pushed me deep into her pussy. I was tongue fucking her. After a moment she stopped pushing me and screamed at me “please just fuck me damn it you dog” “I am going to fuck you like a dog” I answered to her as I turn her face down and bend her over. I put on my condom. And i put one of my fingers into her little asshole. As I push my cock into her pussy, I also started fingering her ass.

She was moaning and screaming with pleasure. I took my finger off from her asshole. I grabbed her hips and started pounding her like our lives depended on it. Then I grabbed her hair and started pulling a little harder everytime. I pulled my cock off from her pussy and changed my condom. She got advantage of the situation and get on top of me. She sit on my cock and started jumping. As she jumps, her tits was rubbing my face. Then she started kissing me. “Took the condom off.” She whispered to my ear. “You do that.” I said. She got up and took of the condom and started to suck my cock. I was still trying to process the last twenty or so minutes. A month of no intimacy besides jerking me off, and then there we were having sex with each other in such passionate way. As I was drowning in such thoughts, she bite the top of my cock a little. It was painfull. So i slapped her cheek. “Oww” she said with a muffled voice. My cock was still in her mouth. I liked the idea of bullying her in bed. So i pushed her head deep that her chin was touching my balls. I was choking her with my cock. Noises of her gagging was making me even harder. So I cum in her throat. My cum was spilling from her mouth. She swallowed it. And I cleaned the rest off from her chin. But my cock was still hard. “You want more” she asked. I nodded as a yes. “That’s a shame. I need to go. Thank you for the moral boost, love.” She got up, got dressed and went out from my apartment. In the end, I was the one got slightly bullied. Again. She gave me another taste of her. But did not let me make her cum. That was enough to keep me awake at night.

A moment later a got a text from her. It was hee photo with a context saying “Why don’t you jerk yourself off today? But you have to look at me. xoxo” Shit. Then another one. “I want proof.” I did exactly what she said. But then I asked why she was crying today. She answered. “I needed some emotional support and get a princess treatment.”  “Did I treated you like a princess.” I asked. “Even better, she said.” It was getting annoying by the minute. But I asked after I sent her the proof. “Why were you crying?” She wasn’t answering to that question. Something has happened surely. Why else would she cry? But for the moment, i decided to leave it at that.

A day later she was not present at the campus. And she wasn’t responding to my messages either. It was completely normal the other night. She said good night and went to sleep. It was like she was disappeared from the face of the earth. I didn’t even knew where she lives at that time.  After a few hours, my classes ended. I went straight home. Still, there were no signs of her. I prepeared something to eat. Then I got a notification. She liked one of my older posts in Instagram. What the fuck?  “Where were you?” I texted her. She replied. “Open your door dumbass.” I opened the door. There was no one there but a little package. Another text “Did you get it? Don’t open it until I say so.” I said ok. And put the package somewhere safe. What was she planning? She was playing with me like I was her toy. I mean, of course my grades dropped significantly since I started to play this little game with her. But I can always make them better again so I just waited for her next move.

“When do I open it?” I texted her. No response again. She was fucking with me. I was getting more angry every minute she ignores me. I went to bed and tried to sleep but it was no good. I feel asleep after a while surprizingly. A notification wake me up. “Open it!” it was saying. From Minjeong. I opened it. And let me tell you, this girl is driving me crazy for her.

[cyarikryze]

idk, i feel like it can’t be overstated that satine kryze /would/ be so proud of bo-katan especially right now. she’s unifying the people, she’s gaining respect and loyalty beyond that which lies with the darksaber, and she’s doing everything in her power to keep her people safe and well.

she even gave up and surrendered everything, taking huge risks to ensure the safety of her people, and while it backfired her intent was so good and pure. she’s come so incredibly far from when she was in death watch, she’s living with kindness instead of hate, and i think that’s everything satine would have wanted for her.

i see people say that satine would blame bo-katan for what became of mandalore but i couldn’t disagree more. satine knew how hard ruling mandalore was. she’d never hold it against bo now, especially with everything bo did to save it, and with everything she’s doing now to get it back.

satine would be so incredibly proud of her and i won’t hear any different.

[punkeropercyjackson]

"We need more m/f ships that aren't heternormative or enforce gender stereotypes!!!"You guys couldn't even handle Todomomo

[deityofhearts]

this remains the most out of pocket and unhinged thing anyone has ever said to me on this website

[kavehater]

AAAH I have a mutual who’s 18 and he sorta kinda is flirting with this one guy who is a minor as a joke of course ( to which a concerned anon said that it’s weird ) but I can’t help but flashback to er*s

[wantbytaemin]

the fucking shitshow i experienced today…