#Louis’ love letter to himself

[faithinlouisfuture]

love letter to self (lucky again) 🤝 letter of intent (paradise)

we were lucky once, I could be lucky again → I was lucky once, I could be lucky again 🤝 I'm not gonna spend another night of dreaming of what could've been 'Cause I know I'm the only one in charge of when my ships come sailing in

All of Those Voices (just get there your own way)

[louismygf]

lucky again lyrics

[lordofdestructionm]

Wick Sable

The odd duck in the guilded cage

Despite this being a feral Mordecai and Viktor account I do occasionally like to dig into the others.

Wick is a character Lackadaisy fans love but don't talk about very much. He just the rich friendly geologist with a love of illicit beverages and a crush on Mitzi. Indeed he is all those things. But I want to dig a little into what may be hidden depth (geography joke haha)

Professional dissatisfaction

When we first meet Wick he is behind his desk looking very tired and beaten down. Forcing himself to keep working late into the night with excessive coffee. Attending to a large pile of paper work for tomorrow.

His expression shifts slightly when he sees the Lackadaisy pins fall out of the envelope and realises the letter is an invitation to him (and his fellow aristocrats) to the speakeasy.

This hatred of paper work and the administrative side of his business is a recurring issue for Wick. Making the reason for his reliance on the capable and attentive Lacy very obvious. Exhaustian and too much alchohol are no doubt partly to blame, but it seems to be something that puts him in a very depressed state of mind.

But when actually on the job, overseeing the hands on work of blasting a new quarry, his mood is much more positive. Indeed he has a very real and sincere love for geology and the nitty gritty work of his business. When he first went to the Lackadaisy he was spellbound by the lime caverns themselves as much by Mitzi's charm.

Its his special interest and he will go on long unprompted monologues on the topic if given the chance. Meaning it is specifically the being trapped in his office dealing with the red tape that makes him so unhappy not the industry itself.

Its almost sad that he is the one in charge of the company rather than in a role that puts him closer to the action which seems to bring him real joy. Like someone who loves cooking being in charge of a restuarant or someone that loves drawing running an animation studio.

They love the product/industry but that doesn't mean they enjoy their specific place in it.

Unimpressed Peers

Despite Wicks enthusiasm it proves not be infectious with his fellow elite, who complain about being dragged out of town to watch something, that while very important to Wick, they clearly could not care less about (even not that quietly mocking him and his love for rocks and construction)

When the evening doesn't go to plan due to the uninvited pig farmers Wick has an interesting exchange with Edmund Church, seemingly the most prominent of the St Louis upper crust in the group. Warning him about getting any more involved with an unsavoury crowd, especially Mitzi, outside of simply enjoying the occasional drink.

Wick doesn't take kindly to the snarky criticism and borderline threat to his reputation and responds with a much more direct statement on his peers sour nature

Tracy has mentioned that Church has a role yet to play in the story and it seems safe to assume from this it may well involve Wick in a less than friendly way if he continues to associate with his "lessers" as Church and the others see things.

Despite needing to remain on civil terms to keep them invested in his business, Wick clearly has little love for them, a feeling that is mutual as they have little respect for him and see him as an oddball, only tolerating him because his talent in his field can help make them a tidy profit.

But while he doesn't appreciate Church's sniping Wick IS concerned about his reputation, but not entirely for his own sake or that of his elitist associates, but for the many people who rely on him for employment, who could be hurt by extension of he gets pulled too deep into the less than repectable world of bootlegging

Romantic life

Outside of the crush he has had on Mitzi since first meeting her at the Speakeasy, we have very little information about Wicks love life before this. Being a handsome and wealthy gentleman from a good family, you would think he would he fighting women off with a stick, maybe even be a bit of a playboy.

Instead you get the impression Wick is pretty far away from being a ladies man. Mentioning to Mitzi that he doesn't even really know how to talk to women unless its about rocks, bugs or limestone.

He is clearly attracted to her and is tempted by her to risk his reputation and by extension his business to get closer to her, but so far his fear of the very real consequences are deterring him from taking that gamble.

Though there is that personal aspect to it, it seems that in a more abstract sense Mitzi's appeal to Wick is not just in her beauty and seductive personality, but in the excitement and thrill of her Speakeasy and bootlegging operations.

In that sense Mitzi represents that touch of danger and excitement that during prohibition many otherwise law abiding citizens enjoyed indulging in illegal drinking establishments. Being* just* naughty enough to give them a fun thrill while being detached from the more brutal blood soaked aspects.

Wick is a good natured person (the worst thing he has done is shoot a duck in his youth which he was forced to do) living a very "respectable" life, but that makes the superficial glamour of the world of underground drinking establishments and secret booze stashes even more appealing. Thats why despite his concerns and responsibilities he keeps going back ,not just to Mitzi, but to the Lackadaisy specifically. It has pretty geography, a pretty owner, and an open door to a more exciting avenue of life

Its for that same reason he doesn't seem to be overly uncomfortable with lovable bi disaster Zib flirting with him at the bar. He may have no intention of reciprocating, but it couldn't be a more different experience to the world he is used to

Even if he doesn't yet want to take the full plunge it all excites him enough to keep him circling the edges.

Because despite having so much going for him there are things about his life that not only bore him but make him unhappy. Whether its piles of paperwork, dealing with much stuffier "conventional" fellow aristocrats and not wanting to be like them, or just a general lack of true passion in his life, he is clearly a man looking for something more satisfying

Whether or not he remains a "tourist" or decides to take that gamble, throw his reservations to the wind, and take a more active role in the gang, is yet to be seen...

Assuming Rocky doesn't set fire to him first of course XD

[vampirenicotine]

analyzing the lyrics for “long face” feat. lestat de lioncourt and realizing it’s a louis diss track (with love) is making me more unhinged by the second.

so we open with the gorgeous oooh oooh wah ahhh hypnotizing portion of this song that will stay in your head and where samuel thyne reid is also showing off his *cough* vocal talent.

next….

“why the long face? my pretty baby” — cause you know louis is a sad girlie but also so fucking beautiful and irresistible to lestat when they met he couldn’t possibly understand what louis would be sad about but also… he’s ready to comfort him ALWAYS.

“i got long fangs come appraise me” —lestat is talking about how he’s a vampire so come asess my value and also … fangs could be a metaphor for his pink pony so!

“bring your long stakes that doesn’t phase me” — lestat is saying you can talk shit about me louis and drive a stake through my heart but i still love you teehe.

“i’m an actor in my make up” — he’s saying i can play games too, louis.

“i’ll get fatter when we break up” —so he’s acknowledging the confidence issues he had over the 77 year break up and the break ups before which…. i don’t have the words to speak on otherwise i’ll die.

“why does it matter who i take up?” —he’s saying why does it matter who i sleep with in regardless to antoinette and it’s like love you king… but you’re crazy.

NEXT!

“another face, another year, another place, another tear, pick up the pace, rack up the fears, now we’re having fun.” — this is a little love letter to his cult (us) telling us to get amplified bitch it’s only the beginning

the instrumental break/oohing and ahhing just so immaculate tough cookie alex & larry really did that!

“i’m piano and you’re forte.” — so this lyric right here is what drove me feral because it has so many possible meanings and a few naughty innuendos. what im going to land on however is the fact that lestat is saying im piano because he can be used in whatever way louis wants to use him and he’s saying louis you’re forte (which means my strength) so he’s like idc what you say about me because you hold me together 🥹

“you’re allegro, i’m andante.” —THIS RIGHT HERE HAD ME ON MY KNEES. this is exposing their sex life in the best way because lestat is saying oh i’m your black tar heroin? ok noted and lemme match that because you’re allegro (which means energetic, fast, super active, loud) so basically he says i know you’re addicted to me because i was there. you’re wild in bed and you’re a screamer. he then says he’s andante (slow) because he likes to take his time and worship louis and really make love to him. BYE.

“we’re boléro, prostitué.” —and then he’s like just because i said we go slow sometimes first and foremost we’re freaks. we’re nasty and we’re unspeakable and well… thank you so much for those visuals queen de lioncourt.

“another taste, another year, another place, another tear, another chase, another sneer, without a trace, you disappear, pick up the pace, pack up the gear, gimme some face, a souvenir, here come the gays, here comes the fear, now we’re having fun.” — these bars are what’s going to give miss lioncourt her first grammy nominations because she is summarizing her relationship with louis and hopes for the future.

he’s also telling louis he’s giving him exactly what he wants. he’s chasing him. he knows louis is gonna sneer at him and be annoyed but come anyway. he’s saying you ghosted me after our reunion but im going on tour and you WILL be my rockstar girlfriend. you’ll kiss me (or the pink pony) before my shows as good luck. he’s saying we’re gonna be gay and proud, we’ll take over the world, cause the vampire apocalypse, scare bitches, and have fun. we own the night.

and finally for the song to end with lestat losing himself and moaning into the mic (coming, smirks) as he thinks about his chaotic plan to get louis back well… it’s just music to my ears. and i will listen to it again. and again. and again. and again.

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ rating for you lestat

signed,

your loving groupie.

[thatsonemorbidcorvid]

ON AN AUGUST night in 2003, a young woman who went by the name Paulina sank into the sofa of her modest, rented apartment, opened up her laptop, and began talking about sex with a man she’d recently met in a Yahoo chat group. His name was Stephen Bolen. His first communications had been terse, but he soon warmed to Paulina. It didn’t take long for both of them to begin to open up.

Paulina had told Bolen she lived in the Atlanta area, that she had a three-year-old daughter, that her daughter’s father was no longer in the picture. Soon, she was sharing more intimate details: what it was like growing up a skinny white girl in a rough neighborhood outside of D.C.; how her dad, a Marine, had died by suicide two weeks before she was born; how her mom had been emotionally and physically abusive, and had never really shown her love. How she’d had a sexual relationship with her stepfather.

Paulina would put her daughter to bed and then she and Bolen would chat throughout the night, over Yahoo and sometimes on the phone. The back-and-forth could feel like dating, but with an added element of danger and risk: Both Paulina and Bolen knew they were tiptoeing up to a line to see if they trusted each other enough to cross it. It could take a while to figure that out.

Eventually, Bolen asked Paulina to send pictures of her daughter, and she agreed to do so, though the ones she’d shared were chaste — the little girl clothed and her face turned away from the camera or obscured behind an untamable halo of blond curls. After seeing the pictures, Bolen asked to meet. While a lot of the men Paulina had encountered in chatrooms like “Sex With Younger” just wanted to trade images and videos of children, to expand their illicit collections, Bolen was a “traveler,” someone looking to act upon his obsessions.

On Sept. 17, just as they’d arranged, Paulina sat on a bench outside Perimeter Mall with a stroller parked in front of her, scanning the parking lot nervously. Part of her hoped Bolen wouldn’t show. When he did, she could see he was handsome, a preppy guy in a pink polo shirt and khakis. “Paulina?” he asked eagerly. She nodded. As he smiled and pulled back the blanket draped across the stroller, he found himself surrounded, handcuffs slipped around his wrists.

“Paulina” watched his face fall, his confusion giving way to distress as FBI agents took him into custody. It was her first undercover arrest. It would be the first of many.

[long read]

IF ONE WANTED to hide in plain sight, one could do no better than the tidy, suburban neighborhood on the outskirts of St. Louis, where FBI Special Agent Nikki Badolato now resides. The well-tended, two-story homes are so pleasantly indistinct that I could hardly tell you what hers looks like, even if it were safe for me to do so, which it is not. Suffice to say that Midwestern comfort and conformity unspool around every gently winding curve. Here Badolato has raised her two children, a daughter who is now in college and a son who is a junior at a local high school. When planning a neighborhood scavenger hunt or tending the community garden, Badolato does not often mention her many years as head of the Child Exploitation Task Force, a joint effort between the feds and local law enforcement that targets some of the country’s most heinous crimes. Open a cabinet in her kitchen, however, and a government-issued Glock 42 can be found stowed away between the vitamins and mixing bowls.

On a sunny morning this past October, Badolato sat at her dining room table, scrapbooks and albums spread out before her on the dark wood. There was the acceptance letter she’d received from the bureau the spring of her senior year of high school, after a representative had shown up to administer a test in the typewriting room. “I chose to wear a red dress and red heels,” she says of her first day as an FBI mail clerk, two weeks after her 18th birthday. “I don’t know what the hell I was thinking. I guess maybe I was trying to go in bold?” She pauses at a picture of herself on the gun range at Quantico almost 10 years later, her shoulders squared and her caramel hair pulled back into a ponytail as she fires off rounds. By then, she’d married a man she met just after high school, had a little girl, completed college at night, and been accepted into agent training in the heady days after 9/11. She’d seen her first dead body only a few weeks into the job, after the pursuit of a bank robber ended with a shootout in a Walmart. When Badolato got to the scene, the body was still warm, and the perp’s head was resting on a bag of cookies. “It was surreal,” she says. “How many times have you been in a Walmart and walked down Aisle 4, not really expecting there to be a dead person with his head lying on a bag of Chips Ahoy?”

Badolato wasn’t deterred. She felt like the bureau saved her, plucked her out of a shitty home life, and gave her prospects and purpose. As a new agent, she was intent on proving herself worthy. “My training agent told me, ‘You know, Nikki, it’s a marathon, not a sprint,’ ” she says. “I was like, ‘That’s ridiculous. I don’t even know what that’s supposed to mean.’ ” She turned a few pages to show a picture of the 391 kilos of cocaine and 140 pounds of meth she’d recovered on a single raid during a stint with a cartel squad, then pointed out another in which she poses with a five-year-old child she’d rescued, the little girl’s hair cut short because the kidnapper had wanted her to look like a boy. But the keepsake she really wants to find is the card that Bolen’s wife had pressed into her hand at his sentencing, the one with the picture of their children — a blond girl of about three years and a tiny baby — and the words “These are the faces of the children you protect each day.” Bolen’s wife had been the only one she’d ever encountered who had lobbied for her husband to receive the maximum sentence. Some wives accused the FBI of planting evidence inside computers. Most seemed intent on clinging to their delusions. (Attempts to reach Bolen for comment were unsuccessful.)

“Right now some little girl is being dropped off in the parking lot of a motel. There are four girls holed up in a hotel next to a McDonald’s. It is happening all the time.”

Which, Badolato has come to understand, is the way it goes with child trafficking and sexual abuse. She had invited me into her home — had agreed to speak on the record about her decades-long career working undercover — because when it comes to the crimes she’s spent her career fighting, she has had enough of the delusions people are under. She’s had enough of the way movies like Sound of Freedom both glamorize and trivialize the work she and her colleagues do, enough of the idea that swashbuckling white men burst through doors and rescue trafficked children with a Bible in one hand and a firearm in the other, enough of conspiracy theories about Hollywood and Washington that detract from the real root causes of why children are trafficked and abused. “Human trafficking is not the movie Pretty Woman — the girl doesn’t get the guy — and it’s not the movie Taken, where people are kidnapped in a foreign country and sold on the black market, or shipped in a container across the world,” one of the detectives who worked on Badolato’s task force tells me. “I’m not saying that doesn’t ever happen, but it’s not what we’re seeing.”

What they are seeing is a lot more insidious and a lot more homegrown. A report released in 2018 by the State Department ranked the U.S. as one of the worst countries in the world for human trafficking. While the Department of Justice has estimated that between 14,500 and 17,500 foreign nationals are trafficked into this country every year, this number pales in comparison to the number of American minors who are trafficked within it: A 2009 Department of Health and Human Services review of human trafficking into and within the United States found that roughly 199,000 American minors are sexually exploited each year, and that between 244,000 and 325,000 American youths are considered to be at risk of being trafficked specifically in the sex industry. Heartbreakingly, many of these children are victimized not by strangers who’ve abducted them from mall parking lots but rather by people they know and trust: Studies have found that as much as 44 percent of victims are trafficked by family members, most often parents (and not infrequently parents who were trafficked themselves). Between 2011 and 2020, there was an 84 percent increase in the number of people prosecuted for a federal human-trafficking offense. Of the defendants charged in 2020, 92 percent were male, 63 percent were white, 66 percent had no prior convictions, and 95 percent were U.S. citizens.

Badolato started her career as an FBI agent in some of the earliest days that children could be bought, sold, and traded online. As the internet-porn industry mushroomed, its most lucrative branch turned out to be that of child sexual-abuse materials (the term “child pornography” is no longer used by those in the field, as it implies consent). And as demand for these images increased, so did the abuse that led to their creation.

In 2003, just a few months after Badolato graduated from Quantico, a Crimes Against Children squad was formed in the Atlanta office where she’d been stationed. By then, the FBI was starting to get a handle on the extent of the problem — if not exactly what to do about it. At a weeklong training in Baltimore, Badolato was given a tour of the darkest underbelly of fetish chat groups and then instructed to figure out how to infiltrate. “Everyone was a little nervous,” she explains of the directive. “It was a process, a direction that was new.” Agents were told that they would need to come up with a “persona” and a “story,” and that they would likely have to provide images of children to “prove” they had a minor on offer. They were also told that they could use images of their own children, if they were comfortable doing so (the FBI no longer endorses this policy).

Badolato’s unit with a kidnapping victim after her recovery in 2011. A Health and Human Services review found that roughly 199,000 American minors are sexually exploited each year, and that as many as 325,000 American youths are considered to be at risk of being trafficked in the sex industry. 

Badolato developed “Paulina” based on her understanding that any persona would need to share most of her own backstory and traits. “That’s the only way you can really do undercover work,” Badolato says. “People can tell the sincerity in what you’re saying, so there has to be a level of genuineness, but then you just add this criminal element to it.” Most of the things Badolato had told Bolen were true: where she was from, her family background, the monstrousness of her mother, a woman who she says would pass out cigarettes and beers to Badolato’s 13-year-old friends in a state of manic permissiveness one minute and fly into a violent rage about a piece of lint on the floor the next. (Badolato’s mother declined to comment for this article, but a childhood friend corroborated Badolato’s account.) It was true that growing up in an unstable home with a string of stepdads, she had never really felt loved, true that she had divorced her first husband, true that she was raising their three-year-old daughter on her own. The only thing that wasn’t true was her tale of being molested, her initiation into the “lifestyle” — to use the chatroom parlance — that Paulina said she now wanted for her daughter. As Badolato had familiarized herself with the language and behaviors of the chatrooms, she’d honed that added criminal element, imagining what psychological conditions might believably lead a parent to traffic their own child and how those conditions could be grafted onto her real life story. She already had a history of abuse; it was not hard to extrapolate to a fictional stepfather who had seemed to provide a gentle counterpoint, showing her love and making her feel special when no one else had, even if others couldn’t understand. From there, it was easy to convince the chatroom participants that she shared their belief — or justification — that most people had it all wrong and that “child love” was natural, and could even be beneficial for the child.

Badolato estimates that she has arrested more than a thousand people; not one of those arrests has failed to end in a conviction. She didn’t know until she was in the thick of it that most agents refuse this sort of work, that most can’t even pretend to forge a relationship with someone looking to victimize a child. But she could. “Paulina,” she points out, is not a name she chose at random; it’s similar to her own mother’s name. Badolato says she had grown up learning to compartmentalize for the sake of her own emotional survival. She’d perfected the art of engaging with someone whose actions she couldn’t stand. Doing this work had felt like a way of taking her trauma and putting it to good use, of leveraging her past as a safeguard against her daughter’s and other children’s futures.

Of course there were moments that were hard to take — when suspects mentioned which brands of lubrication were best or whether or not a parent might hold a child down. There were times when she knew that even talking about these things was a turn-on for these men, times when the conversations made her nauseous, times when she’d lie awake all night or play back a recording and think, “Holy shit, I listened to this? I said these words?” But she kept faith in the mission. She reminded herself that the pictures she sent of her daughter — the beautiful, little girl sleeping in the next room — did not represent a real child on offer. “I was thinking, ‘If I send this obscure picture of my daughter and he acts on it, then he’s never going to harm my daughter or anybody else’s,’ ” Badolato says now. “I was presenting a fake girl to save a real one.”

KYLE PARKS SEEMED to think he could get away with anything. He seemed to think, for instance, that he could get away with running a brothel, a 1-900 sex line, and a housecleaning company out of the same Columbus, Ohio, office park and under the same oxy-moronic name, XXXREC and Hygiene Services. He seemed to think he could invite one young woman and five teenagers (four of whom he had only just met) on a road trip to Florida, but instead deposit them in two rooms of a Red Roof Inn in St. Charles, Missouri. When they piled out of the minivan — high on the drugs he’d given them — saw snow falling and asked to be taken home, he thought he could make a little money off them first. All it took was a few ads in Backpage — the Craigslist of sex advertisements — and men began showing up.

Even after things started going south for him, Parks couldn’t fathom that he wouldn’t prevail. When someone alerted law enforcement as to what was going on, Parks (who, according to legal documents, had been out getting food when the police showed up) burst into the precinct the next morning looking to bail his “friend” out. When questioned about the 88 condoms found in the back of his van, he said they had been prescribed to him by a doctor. After being taken into custody, he protested that he was being set up. Most people would have cut their losses and pleaded guilty, but not Parks. He thought he could take his case to court and win.

And it wasn’t impossible to imagine that he might. Badolato knew that even the tightest cases could go sideways when put before 12 people who would inevitably enter the courtroom with a cinematic sense of what sex trafficking was supposed to be. In fact, it wasn’t just the jury that Badolato knew she would need to convince; it was also often the victims themselves, young people who had internalized the exact same misconceptions about trafficking that the jury had — along with any number of other judgments society had thrown their way — and who were loath to submit themselves to a courtroom full of more judgment.

Of all of Parks’ underage victims, the hardest to pin down had been a 17-year-old we’ll call Sierra. Once she returned to Columbus, Sierra seemed to basically disappear. Calls to her mother’s number went unanswered. When one of the other victims managed to track her down in December 2016, a month before the case was to go to trial, Sierra agreed to meet Badolato on a blighted Columbus block with a string of dilapidated homes, climbing into the bureau’s Chevy Malibu with matted hair, dirty clothes, and a wary expression.

By this time, Badolato had remarried, had a second child, relocated to St. Louis, and taken over as head of the Child Exploitation Joint Task Force, which had become one of the most productive FBI teams in the country in terms of arrests and convictions. Meanwhile, as the internet streamlined the process of buying or selling any good or service, trafficking had become one of the fastest-growing criminal enterprises, estimated by the Department of Homeland Security to bring in $150 billion globally and considered by many criminals to be a superior business model: If caught, the sentences were often lighter than those for peddling drugs; and unlike crack or heroin, the same product could be “used” again and again and again.

Badolato taught her team of 20 how to do the online undercover work she’d trailblazed in Atlanta, tracking the movements of child-abuse material through the online underworld and then prosecuting those who distributed and produced it. Her new squad also initiated her in the type of undercover work it had been doing before her arrival: covert sting operations in which a detective would pose as a john, set up a “date,” and then meet said date in a hotel room fitted out with hidden recording devices while, in the next room over, a taskforce team listened in, waiting for the code word that would let them know that enough evidence had been gathered for them to swoop in and shut the op down. This had proved a very effective technique for getting convictions, but Badolato’s arrival coincided with both a growing sentiment that consensual sex work had been over-criminalized and an increasing awareness that what looked like consensual sex work might actually be trafficking, no matter what the “date” professed in that hotel room.

Badolato has a tendency to say aloud the things she notices — about you, about others, about situations — observations that are not at all unkind but are perceptive enough that most people would keep them to themselves. She points out when someone deflects, and she has a sharp eye for defense mechanisms. She once casually mentions my tendency to mirror other people’s vocal and speech patterns. She is not shy about bringing up the emotional and physical abuse she says she experienced as a child, and she is quick to comment when someone is making excuses for someone else’s behavior. It was soon clear to her colleagues that Badolato brought a trauma-informed mentality to the work, a tendency to look beyond what someone was doing and instead try to parse why they were doing it. And she was relentless: While some squads did one or two trafficking sting ops a year, her team was doing four or five a month. In addition to the hotel rooms reserved for the john and the team, they would have a social worker set up in a third room, ready to offer services to the victims. They would have lookouts stationed to see who might be dropping the date off. If that date was found to be underage, the case was automatically classified as trafficking. But even if they weren’t, Badolato’s team was primed to get to the bottom of what was going on, to figure out whether they were being manipulated or coerced, and by whom.

“If I could put my hands on a pimp, that’s what I wanted,” says Jeff Roediger, a St. Louis county detective who was the “john” for many of Badolato’s sting ops and who makes clear that the team was not interested in policing voluntary sex work. “When I had those types of cases, and I knew they were being sincere with me, I wouldn’t book them,” he says. “It was all about talking to the girls. It’s not like in the movies where they come running to you. You know, ‘Thanks, you rescued me!’ It’s not like that. A lot of them try to bullshit you at first — ‘That’s my boyfriend, blah blah blah’— but once I talked to them for a while, they would become more forthcoming.”

Badolato’s unit was one of the first in the country to take on this “progressive and proactive” approach, as she puts it. Soon, St. Louis looked like a sex-trafficking capital — not because it was actually trafficking more victims than other cities but because the task force was so aggressively pursuing those cases, and classifying them as what they were. “I mean, I was working in vice for years,” says Roediger. “Back in the day, it was always ‘prostitution,’ ‘prostitution,’ ‘prostitution’ — until we started to figure it out a little bit, until we started digging a little deeper.”

Once they did, the task force found that roughly a third of the sex-trafficking victims they recovered were under the age of 17 — and they began to see the reach of the problem. Kids were being trafficked out of every hotel in the area, from the seediest roach motel to the fanciest Ritz-Carlton. They were being trafficked every time of day and by every socioeconomic group (“Before you go do brain surgery, you got to bust a nut real quick,” one underage victim told Badolato of her high-end clientele). Some of the victims were girls. Some were boys. Some were LGBTQ kids who’d been kicked out of their homes. Some were straight cis kids from the suburbs. “I tell people that I could probably name two or three [kids] in the school district they live in that have been trafficked,” Roediger says. “And they just can’t comprehend it.”

“If I can be perfectly honest, I truly don’t believe that the FBI realizes what they put their agents through doing that kind of work.”

There were kids who were about to age out of foster care (a particularly at-risk group, according to those who work in the field), kids who’d run away, kids who were being sold to pay their family’s rent, or to buy their family member’s drugs. There were kids who’d sit in the hotel room, backpack at their feet, dutifully working on their math homework while agents and social workers tried to figure out what to do with them. Was their home life safe enough that they could be returned to it? Would a residential program take them? Of all the imperfect options, which would make them least likely to be trafficked again?

The one common denominator was this: They all had a vulnerability that could be preyed upon. They all lacked a safety net — societal, familial, emotional, or some combination thereof — that might have broken their fall. Mostly, their stories weren’t dramatic; they were typical American tales of neglect, of abuse doled out casually, of a steady stream of letdowns by people and institutions who should have propped them up. Badolato found that she had a knack for getting them to talk about this, for getting them to open up to her. She didn’t look like an FBI agent — at least not what they’d imagined. She spoke softly, but with authority and a slight vocal fry. And she thinks that, at some level, they could probably sense that she’d once been a vulnerable kid too, that with only a few slightly different twists of fate, she could have become a trafficking victim herself — and that she knew it. “My trauma looks different than theirs, but it’s trauma nonetheless,” she says.

“And I think victims can feel that.”

AS THE TASK force learned more about the psychology of victims, they also learned more about the ways in which their vulnerability was being manipulated, and how those ways were evolving. It was known in law-enforcement circles that once a skilled trafficker set his or her sights on a vulnerable young person, they could be groomed in a matter of days: one day for an introduction, a day or two to make the victim feel special and cared for, and then the day when a “friend” comes over and he needs to be “cared for” as well. Sometimes violence was involved at that point; sometimes drug use was involved throughout. But emotional manipulation was the key element, which is why it was so easy for grooming to move online, for groomers to take advantage of the false senses of connection fostered on social media.

Of the victims who are not being trafficked by family members, the majority are being groomed in this way. “I would say that probably 75 percent of the initial grooming is happening online now,” says Cindy Malott, the director of U.S. Safe Programs at Crisis Aid International. “Recruiters used to have to work really, really hard to get access to kids, but now they’re practically sitting in a child’s bedroom. And kids put everything out there — what’s going on in their life, who they’re angry about, parents are going through a divorce, their insecurities about their body, about themselves, what they do, how they spend their time — so it’s like a gift to these predators.”

The ways to manipulate are legion: Get a kid to send a compromising photo, and she’ll do almost anything to keep you from sending it out to all her Facebook friends; find out a gay kid is still closeted, and the threat of outing him gives you incredible power. And predators aren’t just on Instagram and Snapchat; they lurk in the chat functions of Roblox, Minecraft, Grand Theft Auto. “They’re everywhere,” says Malott. “People think, ‘Oh, I just got to keep my kids away from those porn sites, those horrible places.’ Well, no, predators are gonna go where the kids are.” And once there, they’re going to zero in on the kids who are most vulnerable.

That’s what got to Badolato. In her online undercover work, she’d plumbed the psychology of pedophiles, but now she wasn’t just dealing with suspects; she was spending time with victims and seeing the same vulnerabilities in them that the traffickers had seen: the instability or poverty, the addiction or mental health issues or abuse that had been normalized in their lives long before the traffickers entered them. Sometimes Badolato couldn’t help but feel that all the conspiracies and misconceptions weren’t just a distraction from the truth of trafficking but rather some sick attempt to let society off the hook for trying to solve the much more intractable problems at trafficking’s root.

“People would rather stick their head in the sand than address the real problem, because then you have to face and talk about the societal issues,” she says. “With a movie like Sound of Freedom, it’s like, ‘Oh, this is in a jungle in South America. This isn’t actually in [my neighborhood].’ You know? It’s easier for people to ignore the problem than deal with the issues on a societal level.”

BY THE TIME Badolato was sitting in that Chevy with Sierra, on that blighted Ohio block, she knew that the rate of revictimization for children who are trafficked was as high as 95 percent, according to FBI reports. She knew that 90 percent of sex-trafficking victims have a history of child sexual abuse, that more than 75 percent had lived in foster or adoptive care. She knew that she could arrest one perpetrator, and another would pop up in his place, that she could send one pimp to prison and the same victims would show up to stings some short time later, run by a different crew. She knew that testifying was a way for Sierra to psychologically push back against what had happened to her, and she was right: After the young woman took the stand on Jan. 10, 2017, Parks was found guilty and sentenced to 25 years; while testifying, Sierra had seemed to transform, to channel and embody a sort of empowerment. But Badolato also knew that once her testimony was over, Sierra would go back to that blighted block. She wondered how long that empowerment would last.

She also wondered about her own trajectory, her own ability to continue doing this work. The youngest trafficking victim she’d ever recovered from a sting op — an 11-year-old who’d been recruited through Facebook — had been returned to her family in a house that had no heat (Badolato had used an FBI slush fund to get it turned back on). One did not become immune to the human misery of such things. They compounded, became harder and harder to compartmentalize. “It’s just a combination of all of those years — and it’s all awful,” she says. “But there are particular moments that, for one reason or another, you can’t get out of your head. I just don’t think it’s in human nature to be exposed to that for so long and it not start changing who you are.”

One night, at a restaurant near where Badolato lives, I ask her whether she thinks children are being sex-trafficked right then, in that very moment, in just the mile or two radius around us. She’s quiet for a long time, her gaze fixed downward at her glass of wine. By the time she looks up, her whole body is trembling. “It’s happening right now,” she says quietly. “Right now some little girl is being dropped off in the parking lot of a motel. There are three or four girls holed up in a hotel next to a McDonald’s. It’s not only when we think about it. It is happening all the time. And if I’m just sitting here, present, having dinner, not thinking about it, that means I’m ignoring a problem that I know is real.” Tears stream down her face.

“Many images have never left my mind,” she says. “It’s really hard to have worked your entire life in law enforcement with a lot of child crime victims and be at the end of your career looking at the situation where you realize you can only do so much to make a difference.” Badolato wipes back the tears with the palm of her hand and shudders her head, as if she can shake the thoughts away. “Damn,” she says. “Fuck. I shouldn’t be the one crying. I’m not the victim of this.” The veteran agent steels herself and repeats, “I am not the victim.”

THE HOUSE WHERE Korina Ellison says she was first sex-trafficked no longer exists. It once stood on an unassuming lot in a residential suburb of Portland, Oregon, that stumbles down to the banks of the Willamette River. Now, Ellison can’t quite bring the house’s features to mind. She was so young back then, maybe four or five. There is so much she’s repressed, or only pieced together after the fact. As a child, she wouldn’t have known what she now believes to be true: that her grandmother scored her drugs by offering up her youngest daughter, Ellison’s mom. Or that, once her mom was hooked on the meth cooked by the man who’d lived in that house, she’d known just what to do to get more. But Ellison does remember being inside the house, unclothed. She does remember how the man would touch her.

Her life unspooled from there. Her father died of a heroin overdose when she was six. Her mom lost custody for good. She bounced around foster care, then various residential institutions, then whatever shelter she could find. In the story she tells of how she was sex-trafficked again in her teenage years, there’s no moment of drama, no kidnapping, no clear coercion. There was just a random, rainy afternoon when she had no place to go and was alone in the street and a car pulled up. The man inside took her home with him, fed her, introduced her to his girlfriend. They took her shopping. They let her stay. When men showed up at the home to have sex with the woman, Ellison was invited to watch, but she wasn’t expected to participate — not at first, anyway. According to a statement Ellison later made to law enforcement, she just “realized that people aren’t going to take care of [me] for free.” Soon, the woman was posting Ellison’s services on Backpage — $150 for half an hour, $200 for a full one — and the trio were traveling the Midwest. For a long time, it didn’t even occur to Ellison, then 16, to leave. “Where would I have gone?” she asks. “I’d been missing for over a year. Nobody was looking for me.” When the man told her to call him “Daddy,” she complied.

That was more than a decade ago, near the beginning of Badolato’s tenure as head of the Child Exploitation Task Force. But by 2021, leaving it had seemed a necessary form of self-preservation. One of her last cases had gone well legally: The perp, a retired police officer from California who had produced child sex-abuse materials of three sisters in Manila, had pleaded guilty to such charges when he learned that Badolato had brought the girls to the states to testify against him. But the experience had been emotionally devastating for Badolato, who had wanted the sisters, then 16, 13, and 11, to have memories of the U.S that consisted of more than reliving their trauma in a courtroom. She took them shopping and to the zoo, invited them to her home to have dinner with her own family, saw them slowly start to open up and laugh and behave like the children they were. Then she’d had to put them on a flight back to Manila, back to the aunt who had allowed the man to abuse them and who Badolato had been unable to extradite. Fortunately, she says, their estranged father ended up intervening and taking custody of the girls, but that feeling of futility in the fight lingered.

“I stayed for a little bit longer after that trial, but it really was when I should have been able to look myself in the mirror and say, ‘Nikki, you’re done,’ ” Badolato had told me in St. Louis. “It became clear that I had been doing it too long.” She’d spend the last couple of years working national security, a position without the immediacy of child-exploitation work, but also without the heartache. “If I can be perfectly honest, I truly don’t believe that the FBI realizes what they put their agents through doing that kind of work. I just don’t,” she says.

And yet, here Badolato was in Portland, leading Ellison, now 30, up to her hotel room, telling her about all the announcements she’d heard in the Atlanta airport instructing travelers to be on the lookout for sex trafficking. “It’s like white noise in the background,” she says as Ellison settles into the sofa. “It’s a false sense of doing something to help.”

“Here’s the thing: Nobody knows what to look for,” Ellison agrees.

“And what about the victims who are in that airport, who are walking around and listening?” Badolato asks.

“I wouldn’t have even heard that announcement,” Ellison replies. “Because I didn’t feel like a victim. It goes a lot, lot, lot deeper than anybody realizes.”

That’s what she and Badolato both understand. That’s why they started talking eight months ago. Of all the teenage victims Badolato’s task force recovered, Ellison is one of the few who she knows has permanently extricated herself from being prostituted, though it took years for her to get to that point, years for her to see that what happened to her was not her fault but rather a fault in the system, a fault in many systems over the course of generations. Neither she nor Badolato can fix that.

Yet they can’t help feeling like there’s something they can fix — or at least try to. Under the umbrella of an organization she’s founded called Innocent Warriors, Badolato created a program for schools, instructing educators on the signs that might indicate a student is being trafficked and teaching kids how to avoid getting groomed online, which, she believes, is not about stranger danger but rather an awareness of subtle manipulation. Ellison has been working with trafficked youth through nonprofits like Children of the Night, the residential program where Badolato’s team sent her when she was 17. Together, they’ve been talking about having Ellison help train undercovers who are learning to do trafficking sting ops. They’ve also discussed starting a mentorship program in which children who are still being sex-trafficked are paired with young adults like Ellison who once were, providing a way for victims to begin to envision a different future for themselves and a path toward it even while being prostituted. Such a program may be retroactive rather than proactive, but it would capitalize on Badolato’s and Ellison’s experience and expertise — and it could help in the healing of mentors and mentees alike.

Badolato had traveled to Portland for the two to talk face-to-face about how the program might work. “You have to understand how they’ve been traumatized because sometimes, to a child, relating doesn’t sound like you’re relating. It sounds like you’re pointing out all the bad things in them,” says Ellison from the driver’s seat of her Nissan Pathfinder as she drives Badolato around to show her certain landmarks of her past after she’d left Children of the Night: the bridge she’d slept under for over a year after a boyfriend had gotten her hooked on heroin, the blocks downtown where she’d bounced between a children’s shelter and the needle exchange. It had taken a prison sentence for her to finally break her addiction and commit to a different kind of life, though that evolution had had less to do with not having access to drugs than with seeing her own mother cycle in and out of the same facility — like looking into her own future and witnessing how bleak it would be. Maybe, she thought, she could provide the inverse of that for kids in Innocent Warriors. Maybe she could reverse engineer her own escape.

“I just want to make it very clear that if you were a victim, you are a victim, and just to not have any shame in that,” she tells Badolato as they drive through Portland’s misty streets.

“What I anticipate and hope is that then we get survivors that are like, ‘They get it,’ ” Badolato replies. “And that it opens up doors to help, for people to recognize that there are people who get what’s really going on.”

“It took a really long time for me,” Ellison says of coming to terms with her own victimhood.

“It’s like reworking your thought process about some of those things,” Badolato agrees. “And that’s hard, and it happens slowly over time, and it looks different for everybody.”

Ellison grips the wheel tightly. “The truth does matter. It does. The truth is the fucking truth. And it’s been empowering to be able to talk about it because that’s another way that I’ve realized, like, ‘Man, I was a victim,’ is re-going over all of this. Because when it happens so many times, you do blame yourself. It’s a lot easier to just continue to live in a lie than believe that you were lied to.”

Still, Ellison and Badolato agree that the impressionability that makes children vulnerable is also what makes them open to guidance and mentorship if a relationship of trust can be established. “What do you think a parent does? They groom you. I’d been waiting to be guided and groomed,” Ellison says.

It’s been instructive to see that potential from another perspective, as a mother doing the guiding. As the afternoon wears on, Ellison stops to pick up her then-15-month-old son, who was being watched by a social-worker friend. She buckles the little boy into his car seat, ruffles his hair, and passes him a bottle. He grins widely and begins removing his shoes and socks, throwing them gleefully onto the floor of the car and then kicking his tiny feet in time with the music as Ellison glances back at him and smiles. “Kids are so perfect,” she says.

The last stop of the day is the large plot of land where the drug dealer’s house once stood. Now, it’s been turned into a playground, with brightly-colored jungle gyms, a covered picnic area, and a large lawn, where a couple leisurely walks their dog. Ellison and Badolato climb down from the car and stand at the park’s edge, as Ellison’s son toddles around the grass, oblivious to what had transpired in that very spot. There is some form of poetic justice in the land being earmarked for children’s enjoyment, but neither woman voices it. Mostly, they’re quiet. Night is falling, the air growing cooler, and the gray sky fading into dusk.

“You would never think a park could hide what it used to be,” Ellison says at last. And yet it did. Driving off with Badolato at her side and her son babbling happily in the back seat, Ellison glances in the rear-view mirror, but only for a moment. Badolato keeps her eyes fixed only on the road ahead.

[stormcloudrising]

Listened to the full lyrics of Long Face and I love them, and I have some random thoughts on the lyrics. Interesting meaning behind the words with the piano analogy.

The words are obviously meant to represent Lestat’s thoughts about Louis, and what I find interesting is that they see each other the same way. Makes me wonder who wrote the song. Did Lestat write it to put himself in Louis shoes in an attempt to understand him, or in response to the scene from Season 1 episode 2 after Louis kills the agent and they burn the body.

Louis sees their differences in terms of the world they live in and how others see them. Creole/French; Black man/white man; Queer/????? Etc. Lestat on the other hand sees their differences in more idolized romantic terms…basically how they see each other not how the world sees them.

Or was the song written as a duet with maybe Louis also writing Lestat a letter with the latter putting it to music. It’s a tin foil idea but the lyrics sound almost how Louis would describe the two of them…not the other way around.

If you asked Louis how he saw Lestat, he would say that he was filled with fire and energy. And it turns out that’s how Lestat sees Louis. Fire to his calmer self (LOL). But then again, you never see yourself the way others see you.

On the other hand, Lestat is always questing for love and so on that level, the lyrics do makes sense. The song also matches up to his thoughts about Louis when he first sees him pull a knife on Paul. And while Lestat always wants to test the boundaries, he’s always been lonely, which definitely matches up to how he sees himself in the song. Louis fills the void in him.

The lyrics are all about two pianos creating a harmonious sound. Makes me wonder if that’s what he was practicing with his board and Siri. Was he writing the lyrics then. Lestat sees them as opposites who together create the perfect sound.

I’m piano (quiet)

And you’re forte (loud and strong)

You’re Allegro (lively)

I’m Andante (slow or moderate pace)

We’re Bolero (here he’s talking about Ravel’s Bolero, which is basically a repeated melody that builds and builds to include the entire orchestra. It was also originally published as a piano duet.

He’s also saying that his stage persona is not him. He’s an actor wearing makeup. Louis knows the real him but Louis keeps running and he’s calling him out on it. It also interesting that he says “I get fatter, when we breakup.” That suggests some type of spiraling on his part when he and Louis break up. He gets fatter on the blood. The Rock Documentary is for Louis.

I’m very interested to see where season three starts because the lyrics almost sound like they got back together and Louis did one of his bunker like in the books and just disappeared.

Of course, the song is likely just an encapsulation of their relationship as it will be covered going forward and not about any specific off screen event. If so, we’re in for a treat.

Season 3 can’t get here soon enough for me.

[allywthsr]

WISHLISTS | (l.norris)

summary: Lando and you check your kids‘ wishlists

wordcount: 1.7k words

pairing: landonorris x fem!reader

warnings: kids

notes: I think it’s cute, what do you think?? Also Lando is older in this than he is right now :)

advent calendar

”Are they both asleep?“

”Yes, we should look at their wishlists now, and see what we can order or not.“

It was later than normal in the evening, but both kids were little troublemakers and did not want to sleep today, both of them were buzzing with excitement over Christmas. They spent the day at nana and Pop's house, and Lando’s parents made a wishlist for Santa with them today.

Louis was about to turn six years old and little Sofia was three and a half years old.

Both of them were opinionated and knew exactly what they wanted. So when Lando’s parents brought up the idea of making a wishlist with the kids, how could you say no? Normally that was a thing that Lando and you did with your kids, but you hadn’t had the time yet, so you were thankful Cisca and Adam did it for you. This year, Louis was old enough to try and write it himself, it almost made you cry looking at his scribble that had been corrected by Cisca or Adam many times, but still, it was the cutest. He was growing up too fast, when you looked at Lando and saw the little pout on his lips when you showed him the paper, you knew he was thinking the same.

Sofia‘s list was written by Cisca, and Sofia had decorated it with stickers and random streaks of colorful pens. The ’Santa‘ on top of the paper was written by Sofia, the wonky letters were different sizes and the second ’a‘ was the other way around, but you were proud of your little girl.

Lando and you sat on the couch, you were in your fuzzy socks and sweats, relaxing with your favorite hot drink, while Lando was drinking some water and was also dressed in sweats and a hoodie. It was almost Christmas and you barely had presents for your kids, a few you both picked up on some errand runs, but nothing specific.

You cuddled up to Lando and held the wishlist of your eldest in your hand.

”I‘m ready to see what an almost six-year-old wants for Christmas. I can’t believe he‘s six, we are old, Lando.“

”Probably a car like mine, yesterday he said: ’Daddy, I want to race with you every weekend‘, so I guess we need to get him in F1, and talk to McLaren about it.“

He let out a high-pitched giggle. Lando said he wanted to wait for kids after he retired, but Louis happened because you weren’t careful enough, and when you broke the news to him, he wanted nothing more than to raise this baby with you. He was only twenty-three years old when you got pregnant, and not ready to retire yet, so he gave it a year to try it out, in the end, the three of you managed it well and he didn’t need to retire. Sofia was planned, you wanted to give Louis a sibling and now he was the best big brother you could imagine for your girl. Both of your kids were totally daddy orientated, whether they were crying and needed cuddles, or they wanted to play with someone when daddy was around, he was their first choice. But when daddy said no, which barely happened, they ran to mummy and asked you, and if you said yes, you were the favorite for the rest of the day.

With your head on Lando’s shoulder, you started to read out loud.

”Alright, dear Santa, I am a good boy and have a few wishes. A new big boy bike without extra wheels, a kart like daddy had when he was younger, the new cars racetrack, a cars lunchbox, new cars, construction trucks, a real bunny, a camera like daddy, my own helmet. Thank you, Santa. That are some wishes.“

”He certainly knows what he wants, but I like most of them, we can work with that. I also love his spelling, cars with a z or boy with an i.“

You pressed a kiss to Lando’s cheek, ”he‘s all grown up, he wants a big boy bike and a kart. I don’t think I can endure another Norris in a kart.“

”Don’t worry baby, I‘ll be with him.“

You talked about putting Louis in a kart when he shows interest, but so far he only loved cars and watching daddy drive around, for a week he wasn’t able to stop talking about driving himself. Lando loved that, he started around the same age and couldn’t wait to put Louis in a kart, especially since he had his own karting team.

”I think the bike thing is something we can give your parents, we can get him the cars things, do you think he wants the lunchbox with lightning McQueen or someone else?“

”He loves this Ryan car, he’s orange and ’looks like your daddy‘, maybe we should see if we can find one with him on it.“

You hummed in agreement, ”What about the construction trucks?“

”Sure, there's probably a set with different cars inside, that would be nice.“

Again you nodded your head, ”I don’t like the bunny idea, animals shouldn’t be something that’s gifted for Christmas. We can talk about that with him next year, but not for Christmas. I want him to understand that a pet is not just a cute thing that you can pet all day long, it’s work and commitment.“

”Yeah, I agree, we’re also away a lot, we can’t take a bunny with us to the tracks, and taking care of two hyperactive kids is a chore.“

You two chuckled, ”Well, they clearly have that from you, you’re always hyperactive, Lando.“

”And I‘m proud of it, we can’t deny that they’re mine.“

”We definitely can’t. What do think about the camera? I saw on Amazon a few days ago, that there are kids cameras, not expensive and does the job.“

”I like that. And I want to make a helmet for him.“

”Do you have his measurements?“

”No, but I‘ll say Santa needs his head size if he wants to make a helmet.“

”That’s sweet. And we also have that new swing play set outside for both of them, that should be enough presents from us, right? He’s going to be spoiled from the rest of our family anyway.“

He hummed quietly and kissed your forehead.

”Onto the next one“, you mumbled, grabbing the page that lay next to you.

”Dear Santa, I am the best girl, I want for Christmas: a new Barbie doll, a new Barbie doll, a new Barbie doll, a new Barbie doll, a bunny, a pretty pink purse like mamas, a bunny stuffie, pets for my Barbie’s, the dogs from paw patrol, new hair clips, a T-shirt from uncle Carlos. Thank you, Santa.“

”A T-shirt from Uncle Carlos? What is wrong with her?“, Lando was confused.

”I think Carlos told her multiple times over Facetime a few days ago, that she should wish for a T-shirt from him.“

”I have to call him tomorrow. But why has she listed the Barbie doll four times?“

”We should call your mum and ask.“

He pulled out his phone from his pocket and clicked on FaceTiming his mum. You two greeted her with waves and ’hellos‘ when she picked up.

”We went through the wishlists and why did Sofia list the Barbie doll four times?“

”I have no clue, darlings, when I told her, I’ve already written it down, she kept on repeating I need to write Barbie doll multiple times, or else Santa won’t get her point.“

”She‘s truly Lando’s child.“

”Oh yes, I can remember Lando also did something similar when he was young.“

”Are you calling me old, mum?“

”No, my darling.“

”Cisca, we thought you and Adam could get him the bike? Or do you have something else?“

”We only have small things yet, we would love to gift him the bike. He said he wants a black one with orange and bright yellow stripes, like daddy’s helmet.“

”That’s fine, I don’t know if you want to buy it with him or without him, should he be with you while picking it out?“

”Maybe that’s better, we can say Santa told us to buy it with him, so he gets the one he wants.“

You two nodded, ”And with Sofia, we need to check first, what dolls she has and which she does not have, we don’t want to gift her some she already has.“

”Sure my darling, let us know if you have any ideas for her from her wishlist.“

All of you said your goodbyes and Lando and you went back to discussing Sofias list.

”We have to check her Barbies tomorrow when she‘s at daycare, as well as the pets she has for them, I like the hair clips and the stuffie, does she want the paw patrol dogs as stuffies or normal toys? The bunny is obviously a no.“

”Yeah, bunny’s a no, but maybe as stuffies? You know how much she loves stuffed animals, she can also play with them as if they’re normal toys. What about the purse?“

”I don’t know yet, maybe we find a kids purse somewhere?“

She may love her daddy more, but she was imitating you, all the time, playing dress up with your bags and shoes whenever she was bored.

Lando hummed to the purse idea and sighed.

”She‘s three and already wants a handbag, and I thought you would be the only one for a while.“

”She‘s a true girl, next year she‘ll ask for makeup.“

”I won’t allow her that, she can do that when she‘s eighteen.“

”Lando, when she‘s fifteen she‘ll be doing her makeup, like it or not. If she already wants a handbag, that’s the next step, soon she’ll have a boyfriend.“

”No, she doesn’t need a boyfriend, she has me and Louis, she doesn’t need different men in her life.“

”So you don’t want to have grandchildren?“

”Louis can make them.“

You decided to drop that topic, you wouldn’t be able to change his mind today.

”And what about the Carlos T-shirt?“

”I‘m not even going to give you an answer on this.“

[samstatsupremacy]

My notes from the 92NY Q&A

Someone from Mayfair Witches is in IWTV S2 and Mayfair S2

Ben Daniels sent a thank-you letter to Rollin Jones re: working with such a beautiful cast and lovely project (and called himself Santi-baby in it). Jacob did his best Ben impression and read the email aloud to us.

The two actors Rolin KNEW they wanted from the beginning were Eric and Ben Daniels, before they even started casting

Jacob refused to pit Loumand and Loustat against each other. Said they have different vibes

Sam insists that we won't see "the real Lestat" until S3. We're only seeing everyone else's perception of him (very tongue-in-cheek). In response, Assad said, "Armand has a very good memory. Maybe the most accurate!"

Jacob said filming the Dreamstat scenes with Sam was like slipping on a glove, or an old sock (cue slightly inappropriate giggles from audience)

Delainey said her chemistry read with Jacob felt like everyone else in the room just faded away, and she bonded with him first on set

Lestat plays Harlequin instead of Lelio this season, and the moderator was so affected by Sam's performance that he said "I got pregnant after watching it." Rollin said it was "moves like Jagger" on that theater stage lol. Sam had trouble reconciling this part but he did have fun

Any time Jacob gets complimented, he tries to brush it off. He's so humble!

Delainey said Claudia knows Louis better than he knows himself, and Jacob* thinks he knows her but he doesn't

Eric said that Daniel's impression of Dubai situation is he's just sick of the lies and games from Loumand. He won't be intimidated, and if you push, he pushes back harder. He will not be bullied (much like himself, he added)

Lots of hype for ep5 of this season. Eric said it was the most traumatizing episode he's seen in his life. Everyone else agrees that it gets pretty heavy re: young Daniel's interview

Eric said "working with Jacob is like flying" and Jacob said "the feeling is entirely mutual" - so sweet!

Assad was so preciously nervous bc he admittedly still gets intimidated by the cast. He was struggling to finish his thoughts. He did praise how open and loving the whole cast and crew are. It was cute.

"When Louis meets Armand, Armand is kind of lost but putting on this facade of power that Louis sees through" (Assad's words)

Question: any fun moments off set that still make you laugh? Response: Sam and Jacob look at each other and just burst into laughter. They really struggled to find an answer that they felt was appropriate to share and barely answered it 😅

Q: What series would your character binge?

Everyone answered as their character:

Armand: Buffy

Daniel: Breaking Bad

Claudia: The OA

Lestat: The Real Housewives

Louis: The Real Housewives ("YOU LITERALLY TOOK MY ANSWER" to Sam)

This doesn't even cover the encounters I saw at the stage door. I'll do a separate post for that, maybe

[random-imagines-blog]

Imagine Louis and Lestat receiving a letter from your sister, after putting an advertisement out for a third partner.

Barely half a dozen responses have come in from the advertisement that Louis and Lestat had put into the local gazette, searching for a third to their romantic partnership. Three of them were angry letters from the ‘good, upstanding, religious’ people of the community who thought that their relationship was sin in the first place, and attempting to shame them for attempting to corrupt a third person, one of them was clearly a joke, one of them was unreadable due to the poor spelling, but one had caught the attention of the couple. Lestat read it outloud now, between himself and Louis. ‘Dearest friends, I write to you not on behalf of myself, for I know that I am not what you are looking for, but for my brother, my best friend in this world, and someone who I can highly recommend for this relationship that you are seeking. You have met him once before, on Canal Street a few months prior, he was the one who was doing a performance, consisting of flips and jumps from one building to the next. You both had stood out to him, and he has been unable to cease speaking of you since. Once I had spotted your advertisement in the paper, I showed it to him immediately - and that is when what I believe his fatal flaw had struck. He is much too shy and introverted to reach out to you himself, so that is why I have decided to step in and write this letter. My brother is hard-working man who loves not just with his heart, but with his entire soul, and he certainly has enough for the both of you, if you would consider him. If you are interested, he is performing with his troupe on Tuesdays, Thursdays and Fridays at the local circus, performing his trapeze act at seven pm, and nine pm. I do hope you take advantage of this opportunity sirs, and that you give my brother the chance to be very happy. Sincerely yours --’ “I remember him,” Louis spoke, sounding lost in thought. “I believe you referred to him as .. a bird of some sort - or was it a monkey?” “Both, as I recall,” Lestat spoke. The way that you had flown through the air, it put both of the vampires’ gracefulness to shame. “He was a handsome little darling though, wasn’t he?” “Yes, yes he was,” Louis said, his eyes darting towards a calendar that he kept for pure sentimental purposes, though each night seemed to blend into the next. “It is a Friday.” “Then we shall go to the circus,” Lestat said, reaching for his hat.

Requested by: @fuzzy-plumbob

[nalyra-dreaming]

Lovely interview with Delainey, Jacob and Sam!!!

Just pulling out some key statements here in preparation for next week:

Lestat didn't kill Paul

Louis built a whole new persona for his relationship with Armand, hardened, and slipped into the dom/sub dynamic

DreamStat was like the "daffy" version of Lestat (lol) and represents the sweet moments

The letter was from the "real Lestat"

Louis' been a real "dick" in his hardened persona

The trial is not "actual Lestat" (Jacob actually says "no" here^^), because we are still "in" and "flashing back in the narrative" (and Sam stops himself there, lol)

[queenoftheimps]

Why I Think The Season 2 Finale Is Gonna Be Even Rougher Than We Anticipate

Something I am increasingly worried about as we approach the Interview with the Vampire season finale:

What if Louis knows that he doesn't know everything? What if that's what he prefers?

Most of the audience suspects Armand was involved in the trial. Daniel definitely does. There's clues already there that this is the case. I've seen chatter online about how next week will, presumably, be when Louis realizes the truth and splits with Armand.

...however. When Louis confronts Armand about his memories of 1973, Armand tells him Louis asked him to erase them. Louis initially pushes back, but seems to accept this.

Except: why would you ever accept that as an explanation -- unless you knew that it's something you would do? Or possibly even something you'd done already?

Armand, as suspicious as he is, has been laying some groundwork that Louis is deliberately taking part in altering his own memories: "The pages we tore out of Claudia's diaries -- we did most of those together!" Which Louis seems to confirm is true.

I think part of the issue is that Louis' evasiveness is being attributed to a desire to protect Armand & continue seeing him as the love of his life. And it may be true to some extent. But also -- I think it's at least partly to protect Louis from the weight of his own guilt over Claudia's death.

Because if Armand is guilty -- if he has been plainly, obviously guilty for decades, if Daniel can catch it from third-hand evidence 70 years later -- and it happened because he wanted to have Louis to himself, how do you even process that? How do you handle knowing that Claudia died a horrific death because of a romance she herself called you out on? After she told you that this man threatened her and you denied it?

Hell, how do you process it when she's condemned by testimony from someone you failed to kill? When Louis tries to convince Daniel that he really did intent to kill Lestat, that Claudia was the one who couldn't burn him, is it because he can't handle feeling responsible for Lestat being alive to testify against her?

Truthfully, I wouldn't really blame Louis for not being able to handle that level of guilt, and we know he winds up spending several years draining drug addicts as a coping method before ultimately attempting suicide. Being able to forget all of it, and forget that you'd forgotten them, would be appealing. (And I think it's noteworthy that Louis only seems to be willing to question Armand about his memories of 1973, which occurred well after Claudia died.)

That said: I have concerns about what this is going to mean for present-day Dubai.

Daniel clearly can tell something is up and is gunning to dig in. But Louis keeps shutting him down hard. ("Armand sold you out-..." "I'm talking now.")

We also have seen what happens when Daniel digs into something that Louis really doesn't want to talk about. When he asks for Claudia's missing pages, Louis deliberately seems to trigger his Parkinson's. When Daniel makes comments about Lestat's letter, Louis starts digging into Daniel's memories of Alice (which also seems to worsen Daniel's tremors, though that may not be deliberate).

So what happens if he starts pushing in on something that Louis has gone to great, deliberate lengths to forget about? Something that ties into the worst event of Louis' life, something he still feels tremendous guilt over?

Raglan James' line about "You fear Armand. You should fear the other one" feels like a shoe that hasn't been dropped yet. I've been pretty steadily predicting that Daniel is going to have some sort of massive medical issue in the penthouse, but I'm slowly wondering if Louis may be what triggers it (possibly by accident). Hell, I even kind of wonder if Armand suspects something like this could happen, which is part of why he's been so adamant about always being nearby, cosplaying as Rashid so he can run in whenever Louis gets upset.

I don't know, I would love for the finale to be as easy and simple as "Daniel helps Louis see that Armand is guilty, Louis dumps Armand". But this show has never been about easy, simple situations so I suspect we're in for a rough time.

[writingstoraes]

down the aisle 💍

pairing: charles leclerc/fem!reader

type: written imagine (fluff, angst)

theme/s: none very gruesome, typical childhood best friends pining, unspoken feelings and all that

word count: 5.1k (got carried away lol)

notes: not proofread and not revised so pls expect grammatical/spelling errors! will be working on the pending reqs now hehe lmk what u guys think <3

about: charles was six when he promised to marry you when he got older and the time was right. as crazy children can go, you always thought he was delirious, but he reminds you of it almost every year. 

“Y’know what, when we get older, I am going to marry you for real!” Charles, in broken French, says a little enthusiastically as he walks down the makeshift aisle you two had made for the two-hour playtime your parents allowed.

With a pillowcase hanging on your head as an improvised veil, you held in your hands hand-picked flowers from the Leclerc’s garden as your bouquet. Two of your other friends cheer, the joy of make-believe weddings children orchestrate on their own taking over.

“You’re crazy, Charlie! We can’t marry each other, we’re only six years old,” you giggle.

“I know,” he says. “I’ll do it when we get old! When we’re 18 or something.”

You thought of Charles as demented every time he promised to marry you in the unforeseeable future. He first said it when the two of you were six years old, playing an infamous game of roleplay wedding. For a long time, in your little group of friends, the two of you always assumed the role of the groom and bride. Of course, you were just as young as he was, but you dismiss his thoughts by saying you were too young to get married - and he’d always respond with the promise of doing it when you both got older.

Even when his parents and his older brother Lorenzo watch the two of you, he assumed Charles was just hopped up on the adrenaline of playing with his best friend, his favorite person in the whole world, you. He thought that when the two of you actually get older, Charles would eventually forget the silly vow he had made when he was awfully young.

But Charles never abandoned the thought. As he got older, he finds himself repeating the same promise he had told you in his family’s backyard, not for the sake of mere recollection, but because he deems you as his perfect pair, his soulmate. 

It was at age 10 when he had made the same promise to marry you. You sat a bench in front of your school’s gates, waiting for the school bus, clutching your backpack as tears welled in your eyes. You and Charles had made a pact to always go home together and sit at the bus side by side, so he’s not surprised to find you at your usual spot, but he was surprised to see you crying.

Charles rushes to you, taking off his backpack to set it on the bench. 

“Hey, why are you crying?” Worriedly, he says, a little panicked to see his best friend with tears running down her face.

“Louis t-th-threw away my let-t-ter,” you say in between sobs. 

Louis was a grade above you, who was the dreamiest boy in school with his soft brown hair and brown eyes. Every girl at school had a crush on him, gigantic ones at that, so his locker is expected to be filled with love letters even on normal days. Frankly, Charles never got the hype over him but he’d never tell you that, not when you were one of the lovestruck girls at school.

“What happened?” 

“I was too shy to tell him I like him,” you tell Charles, who proceeds to rub your back calmly to ease you down. “So I wrote a letter to tell him that and he crumpled it up into a ball and threw it in the garbage.” 

“He did it in front of everyone!” you add, breaking into cries once again. Charles’ brows furrow, wanting to punch the stupid boy who had made you cry, but his main goal was to make you stop crying first.

“Il est idiot ou abruti!” He’s a jerk.

“Y/N, please stop crying. He’s no good for you, you’re too great for him.” he says, using both his hands to grip your shoulders as he adjusts you so you can face him.

“I’m so embarrassed. What if this goes on for years? What if nobody likes me-” you ramble on and Charles could only look at you sympathetically.

“Hey, I like you! You’re the best girl I know.” Charles replies, smiling slightly. 

“And I will always like you, you know? It doesn’t matter if it’s years from now, I promise to marry you when we’re older because I will always like you!” 

“You’re just saying that because I’m sad,” you shake your head, lightly laughing at his attempt to cheer you up.

“I’m not lying! I really will marry you. That’s how much I like you.” 

It’s amusing to hear. What do 10-year-olds know about marriage, anyway?

At first, Charles thought he was repeating his vow to marry you years from now just to fulfill what he told the best person in his life when he was young. He remembers the time he had made the promise again back when he was 10 and he recalls telling you you were the best girl he knew. He convinces himself that he said that partially to cheer you up and because he’d do anything to make you smile, you were his best friend after all.

But it’s three years from now and he had done it again. Maybe it’s a reflex, something he thinks he’s supposed to say because he had said it two times already. Maybe when he was six it was out of joy and the child-like innocence he had. When he was 10 maybe it’s out of the fact that he wanted to dry your tears. Yet this time, he had no reason to justify it.

Deep down he knew it was because he grew to like you, more than a friend, more than he should. Internally he shakes his head, trying to dismiss the thought of breaking the unspoken rule of liking his best friend. He was 13, figuring things out, and the first thing he knew to be certain of was you were in fact, his dream girl. 

Your family and the Leclercs were together again for dinner, a tradition done at least once a month. A big table was set up at your house since it was your family’s turn to host dinner. Plates were neatly set up, the smell of roast chicken and the aroma of an array of dishes coming out of the kitchen. It’s the same night Charles realized just how beautiful you’ve grown to be. Your hair was much longer and you were a little taller. You dressed differently, and the two years you had braces finally paid off. Charles feels butterflies in his stomach each time you smiled, but he chooses to ignore it.

“Remember when you said you’d marry me like, three years ago?” you spoke up, hoping to playfully embarrass Charles who was beside you in your bedroom, legs sprawled on your bed.

“You can say it, were you just saying that to cheer me up?” 

“No, can you stop accusing me of that? I really meant it!” he says in defense, knowing he really did mean it, and he means it even more now.

“Hmm, I’m sure you won’t mean it anymore when you ask Elise to the dance and you guys have your first kiss,” you tease, enunciating the word “kiss” just to poke at Charles and the fact that the school dance was in 2 weeks.

“I’m still going to mean it, Y/N.” he shakes his head. “And weren’t we going to go together? I already bought your ticket.”

“Come on, Charlie! You don’t have to appease me anymore, we’re growing older, you know?” 

“I know, and I keep my promises,” he turns to look at you, shifting into a seated position. 

“Really?” you mock, raising one brow at him with a smirk on your face. “You’d really marry me like, 10 years from now?”

“I would,” Charles responds, unknowingly providing you with a small amount of comfort you couldn’t figure out just yet.

Things were pretty routine for you and Charles. Every time he promised to marry you, your response was always to never take him seriously. You always think he’s just trying to lift your spirits up or it’s because he’s fulfilling a promise he made when he was six years old. And if Charles was anything, he wasn’t someone who broke promises. He shows up and keeps his word, it’s just who he was. You think that vow would eventually be null and void when he finds a girl he genuinely likes, and the same would go for you.

Charles never lets your response get to his head. After he realizes he had grown feelings for you, feelings that persisted until now that he was sixteen, he lets your chuckle and “you’re crazy” responses slide away. He didn’t think he’d make the promise again anyway, he knows better than to say it again now that he actually was going to mean every word. 

At sixteen, you and Charles attended your first party with friends without parental supervision. Even Lorenzo wasn’t there as a chaperone so it was an entirely new experience for the two of you. He had promised your parents prior that he was going to take care of you and makes sure you don’t go home wasted, and obviously, they trusted him with their entire chests. 

Charles made sure not to drink too much that night, not even with the heavy and ceaseless invites from his friends. He wanted to be of composure in the event you get more inebriated than him, which will take place about an hour from now. You both went your separate ways, agreeing to meet when it was time to go home. You had friends outside of Charles and he had friends that weren’t you as well. Before letting you go he makes you promise to not drink too much and you only respond with a nod and a wide smile.

But he was summoned by your friend so he comes running to the living room and he finds you flushed and drunk out of your mind.

“Hi, Charlie!” you slur, waving your hands aimlessly as you see Charles’ figure tower over you. 

“Oh my god, how many have you had?” Charles asks, desperately trying to lift you up and out of the couch you were nearly passed out on.

“Come on, Y/N, I told your parents I wouldn’t let you drink!”

“Sorry, Charlie.” you say, all senses nonfunctional, slinging both your arms over Charles' shoulder as he carries you.

He figures he can’t take you home in your state, so he takes you out to the patio and sat you on the lawn chair. The booming music was heard outside, red cups littered on the grass, teenagers shouting every now and then. He had asked someone to fetch a clean towel drenched in water so he can wipe your face, hoping that and some water could lessen your inebriation.

“Aww, you’re taking care of me,” you coo, still clearly drunk. You had totally underestimated the toll alcohol would take on you.

“When we get married, are you going to take care of me when I’m drunk?” 

“What?” Charles mutters in disbelief, but he quickly remembers you were drunk out of your mind so he tries his best not to give it any thought.

“You promised you’d marry me. You’ll keep your promise, right?” you say, mispronouncing some of the words and holding back a hiccup. 

Charles doesn’t say anything and continues wiping your face with the damp towel in his hand and proceeds to tie your hair into a neat ponytail. He ignores that most of the time drunk words are a product of sober thoughts. He grabs the glass of water beside you and asks you to drink it. You shake your head in disapproval.

“Not drinking until you say you’ll m-ma-marry m-me,” 

He can only sigh, not believing he was making the promise yet again, this time out of actual sincerity, not just because you asked and he wanted you to shut up and drink the damn water he had in his hand.

“I will marry you, okay? When we get together and the time is right, you’ll walk down the aisle and you will see me.” 

“Now, please drink some water, I’m begging.”

And oddly enough, Charles is convinced you would have no recollection of the words that came straight out his chest.

Charles was already nineteen and how he felt for you hadn’t changed, not one bit. He’s evaluated the emotions he’s been avoiding hundreds of times - he asks himself if it was the nostalgia of having known you for more than a decade or if it was really because he had grown old enough to realize you were all he could ever want. But he’s not the type to do something about it, he’s far more afraid of losing you than having to keep the biggest secret he had withheld from you. 

You would be lying if you said the way you looked at Charles was still the same way you did when you were nine. You were scared to entertain the thought, it’s a dangerous territory should you try to open the door and see what was inside. For some time you disregard the pounding in your chest when Charles sends you a smile or the electricity that runs through your fingertips every time he held your hand.

Both of you decide to keep it at bay, stashing whatever you felt in a box and stowing it away in a compartment in the back of your heads. You were still as comfortable as ever, knowing each other best like you were each other’s home address. For whatever reason you and Charles deem it best and most reasonable to stay as friends and not say anything, you both loved each other too much to risk, jump, and then fall. Unbeknownst to the two of you, you were both ready to catch whoever falls first.

It’s not like neither of you tried to expand your horizons. There were attempts to date other people and establish the same or at least a comparable connection with another person as the one you had with each other.  Numerous times you asked for Charles’ opinion on what to wear on a first date and several occasions were you with him as he bought flowers for whoever was waiting for him. The difference was that you were more desperate than Charles, trying your best and trying hard to get over the fact that you were possibly in love with your best friend. Maybe because you weren't at peace with it as much as him, so you figure that maybe when you actually meet someone you like, all of this would just fade into thin air.

But it does get tiring. Looking back now, you weren’t sure you got the irony in going on several dates just for you to come home at night to Charles, who’s almost always waiting for you at your front door to make sure you got home safe. Sure, his house was awfully near, but you don’t mind it anyway. 

To say your date tonight was bad is an understatement. It was with a guy you met through a mutual friend, and at first, seemed charming and kind. After having rescheduled the date four times because of reasons he couldn’t say, you took comfort in the fact that he might be a great guy and you should give him a chance. He didn’t pick you up from the house, which Charles frowned upon, but he let it slide eventually after some persuasion and convincing. The whole night he only talked about himself and was even rude to the waiter who served you. To make the night even worse, him complimenting your physique in a way only perverts do was the cherry on top. 

Charles’ lips twitch to form a small smile the moment he saw you walking towards your door. Previously on his phone, he shuts it down and sees your shoulders slumped as you give him an exasperated sigh when you finally get to him.

“Home so soon?” Charles asks, though it was more of a statement laced with an I-told-you-so tone.

“Why are you here so early?” you return the question. 

“It’s only what-” you glance at your watch. “8:30 in the evening? You’re usually not here until 11.” 

Charles shrugs. “I figured this date wouldn’t go well. I had this weird feeling to wait for you really early, call it best friend instinct or something.”

Best friend. In some weird way, the comforting thought that he goes out of his way to wait for you was joined with a little pang in your chest from the two words that defined the two of you your whole lives. Best friends, were all you were and you figure, all you ever will be. 

“Sucks you had me give him the benefit of the doubt - the douchey shirt he was wearing really gave it away for me,” he laughs lightly. 

The both of you sit down at the front of your door like you usually do before you went to bed. It’s routine, something you never get tired of, even when sometimes you and Charles were just enveloped in silence, comfortable silence that is. 

“In my defense, he did seem nice. I wanted to give him a chance.” 

“Yeah that’s the problem with you, no?” he says. “You give way too many chances. You give them away like it’s Halloween and they’re trick-or-treating. Even when signs point you to not entertaining them, you’re too kind to dismiss it.” 

I’ve only ever wanted to give one person one chance. But I’m too scared to lose you. You wanted to reply, but there was no way in hell you would actually say that. So much for the self-imposed courage you said you had.

“That’s practically what dating is, Charlie,” you say instead, sighing after. “How am I going to meet the right person if I just stand and stall?” 

“It’s because you keep looking. I think incessantly looking for the right person is overrated, sometimes it’s better to stop and let them come to you.”

“Oh because I should take dating advice from a guy who’s been in what, 6 dates his entire life?” you tease, smiling at Charles after he returns a knowing look.

For a while, his gaze fixates on you, a small smile painted on your face and the moonlight reflecting in your eyes, somehow making them sparkle.

Right then and there he finds the answer as to why he’s only ever been in six dates. And had no desire on going to more. 

“Hey,” you speak up, cutting Charles’ trail of thought. 

“At least when I don’t find the right person, I won’t be husbandless. I have you to marry, right?” you joke, hoping it jogs Charles’ memory of a dumb promise he made when he was a child. 

“Yeah, you do.” 

You entered the Leclerc household while it was in complete chaos. His brothers were occupied setting up a big table in the backyard and meticulously arranging the plates and centerpieces as to how Pascale, his mom, would like it. His aunts and mainly his mother were in the kitchen, surrounded by pots, pans, and cut-up ingredients for whatever they were cooking. Undoubtedly, Charles had a fairly big family if you include the extended ones. It was his 21st birthday after all, so it makes sense why he was a big deal for today.

“Y/N! You’re here early, dinner isn’t for another 3 hours.” Pascale smiles upon seeing you, walking over to give you a kiss on the cheek. 

“I wanted to help you guys set up, looks like it’s a busy day today.” 

You soon made rounds in their house, taking turns in helping in the kitchen, and backyard, and visiting Charles in his bedroom because he was apparently ordered to not move a finger until it was time to eat. 

Soon after, the long table set up beautifully in the backyard of Charles’ house was filled. Close friends, family, and everyone he held dear were present to celebrate his special day. Various dishes were laid out on the table as well as a cake baked by his mom herself had candles sticking out of it, along with a cake topper that said ‘21’. You sat beside Charles like you normally do, which was never an issue to anyone. Thankfully enough, despite the long tradition of having meals together with your and Charles’ family, no one ever posed the question of when the two of you are getting together or telling you two how much you looked good together.

Which benefitted the two of you. Now, you weren’t really sure if you’d call each other best friends, not when you two had lingering feelings you keep hidden from one another. It’s better that no one imposes anything so you and Charles can avoid any awkward conversation that may arise after.

The dinner was definitely delightful. It was nice that Charles was able to fly back home after his races to celebrate with family and you could tell how happy he was as he sat at the head of the table, providing him a clear view of everyone present to celebrate him. The rest of the night was nothing but hearty conversations, light-hearted jokes, and sangrias that were made by a proud Lorenzo. 

“Speaking of Lorenzo, I bumped into your girlfriend at the market the other day,” Pascale speaks up, everyone instantly shifting their attention to her.

“You should have brought her here, Enzo. She seems really nice.” 

“Noted for next time, Mama,” Lorenzo laughs, continuing to sip his sangria. 

Granted, Lorenzo did explain they’ve been together only for several months and he didn’t want to put his girlfriend under extreme pressure by bringing her to a dinner surrounded by his entire family. 

“How about you, Charles? Anyone your mom might be bumping into here in the city?” his aunt turns his head to Charles, who was pleasantly surprised by the question.

“Oh no, not at the moment,” he chuckles, in hopes that would be the end of it.

“I don’t think Charles is the ‘dating’ type as of now, tante,” Lorenzo adds, replying to his aunt.

“Hey, I’ve been on dates!” Charles puts his hands up in defense as everyone erupted in laughter. “Really, I’ve just been focusing on my racing career.”

“Plus, I don’t think I’ve met the right person yet.” he adds, adding a low laugh at the end. 

You shift in your seat as something in your heart drops, like your oxygen levels were dropping and your heart rate was slowing down. Whatever confirmation you were waiting for from the universe that what you felt for Charles remained stagnant, you were sure this was it. Hearing about how he’s in pursuit of the destined person for him sent shivers down your spine, yet you’re certain you had no spine at all, considering you chose to hide your true feelings for him for God knows how long now.

“Mama won’t have to worry about daughters-in-law anyway, Y/N’s practically one,” Arthur quips, making the whole table laugh once again, except you and Charles, who knew the gravity of the word wedding or marriage held for the two of you.

But the two of you manage to let out light, slightly forced laughs anyway, for each other’s benefit mostly.

“Ah yes, Charles did promise to marry me when the time is right.” you say, in a somehow witty and humorous tone, raising a brow as you look at Charles. 

“I intend to keep that promise, Y/N, don’t dare me.” Charles taunts jokingly.

And for the irony and heartbreak of it all, that would wind up being the last time Charles ever mentions the only promise he’s kept this long.

If anyone ever writes a biography about the untold love story you and Charles had, the author would probably call you cowards. For several years, decades even, the both of you never tried to see what it would be like on the other side of the door. Swearing you loved each other more than life itself yet never brave enough to jump and take the risk. You only ever convince yourselves that what you two have cost more and is more than finally having what you two really desired since you were both thirteen. So you both decide it’s better to let what you felt die down when you both get tired of waiting and hoping that someday, time would finally pencil you in on a schedule and things would finally work out.

The shadow of being best friends your whole life mostly served as a justification for the hidden affection you had for one another. Whenever you questioned the motive as to why it only takes one call for Charles to come running over to wherever you are, you tell yourself he’s your best friend, that’s why he cares so much. And every time Charles’ heartbeat skips when your skin touches whether in a hug or a kiss on the cheek, he ignores and tells himself the two of you have been close ever since. The two of you never thought to question it, always afraid of what comes after.

Soon enough the extended pining for each other would blur at least a little bit. You and Charles will eventually grow tired of being surrounded by the what-if’s you’ve been holding back for years. So neither of you can really blame each other when one takes a step forward - it’s general knowledge that any longer of whatever situation this was would just harm the two of you and could potentially ruin your friendship, the thing you’ve been protecting so ceaselessly over the years.

At 24, you and Charles are at the peak of your careers. He was now racing for his dream team, and you finally got the promotion you’d been busting your behind for for several years. But despite the busy schedules that you have mounted on your calendars, you manage to still have time for each other no matter how tough it got. 

19 years later, nothing had changed - exactly the way you and Charles wanted it to be. A small price to pay for broken hearts because of words left unspoken. 

But the question remains, would your hearts stay broken for so long? Maybe not, maybe the long game is what you’re supposed to play.

Charles always wanted his wedding to be private and intimate. He wasn’t one for big weddings where he invites people he’s only seen several times in his life, and probably won’t see for a long time after the wedding. He preferred it to just be close friends and family, in a private chapel, and he’s damn lucky his bride shared the same philosophy.

The villa Charles had chosen was exclusive and very private, even the planners of the wedding itself can be counted by hand. The villa was rented for the entire weekend and he pats himself on the shoulder for doing a good job of picking out the place. 

The sun was starting to set and you could only stare at the golden hues that painted the sky. The breeze was warm but not too hot it makes you sweat. Tables and chairs were set up, beautiful centerpieces on top of it. Everyone was already well-dressed following the theme, all prepared for the ceremony. Even the piano player was seated down, in a tuxedo, all ready to play probably the most haunting music you will ever hear. You smile lightly as you play with the hem of your dress, closing your eyes and hoping your heart won’t pop out of your chest.

“Your vows, please,” the officiant says, as Charles brings out a paper from his coat pocket, tears already forming in his eyes. 

You could only look at him longingly, chest pounding, waiting for the words written on the piece of paper he held tightly. 

��Mon amour, 7 years ago, my family thought I was never the dating type. Sure it was a joke, partly, but I wondered what it would be like to actually be with the right person, with my soulmate. I was too caught up in my career and in the whirlwind of chasing my dreams. But there you stood, in the middle of the chaos and you have managed to keep me grounded. You have served as my anchor all these years and I honestly don’t know what my life could have been if you weren’t in it.” He continues, tears falling down as he proceeds to use his index finger to wipe his eyes.

“With you, I finally know how it feels to be with their soulmate. In you, I found the best friend, the greatest teammate, and the most amazing woman. You have no idea how thankful I am that I found you in this lifetime, and I will spend the rest of my life loving you and reminding you just how much.”

It wasn’t long before a tear rolled down your cheek and it feels like you couldn’t breathe. Of all the places you could be, this was the last place you ever thought you’d be in - the wedding of the only man you have ever loved.

You sat in the audience, beside Arthur and Joris, who you hope was too occupied to see the tears you were shedding. You sat in the audience in your cream-colored dress, watching Charles promise to love another woman for the rest of his life, like your own personal execution, like you had done an unforgivable crime and this was the world’s way of punishing you for it.

Maybe it was your fault you even went. But your best friend for more than two decades asking you to be there for his wedding seems like something you can’t decline. It was the happiest day of his life, one of the most important days he was ever going to have - it would seem off that you weren’t there, but it was barbaric of you to torture yourself. 

You were happy for Charles, you know in your heart you were. But it was a shame you never knew how he felt and it was a missed opportunity you spent years hiding your heart from him. But here you sat, surrounded by the desolating what-ifs, just like when you were thirteen and you realized you liked Charles more than a friend.

For the first time in his life, Charles has finally broken a promise.

For the first time in your life, you realize just how crushing heartbreaks can be.

---------------

tagging: @slytherheign, @honethatty12, @siovhanroy, @fdl305, @iloveyou3000morgan, @cxcewg, @sassyheroneckgiant, @ang3licho3, @pitlanebabe, @riverdalexvixens, @msliz, @boherahpsody (if anyone else wants to be a part of my taglist or if i forgot anyone that asked to be tagged, pls lmk by replying or sending me a message hehe)

notes: been ia since the hungarian gp bc my tooth was hurting so bad i was practically glued to my bed, also my classes start in less than three weeks and i am now more anxious than ever ANYWAY thank u so much for reading <3

[shreddedleopard]

Okay back on my bullshit and I need to talk about these —

This to me is a direct call back by Sherlock to Liam pre- William James Moriarty. Baby Liam, before he stained his hands with all that killing and stole the identity of another child. Can you see the way Sherlock gets down on his knee like that? Know what it reminds me of?

How you speak to a child on their level.

“You’ve taken your first step …”

Also feels very child-oriented to me. And painting an ideal future …?

Sherlock is appealing here to the boy who never was; the boy who never got the chance to grow up and learn about his true self …

“My own self …”

Liam’s entire life has been spent behind a mask. His whole existence was that of a ghost; the shell of a dead child. He never gave himself permission to consider who he truly was; him him, and not William Moriarty, because the old him had to die in that fire all those years ago. I cannot even begin to think about what that must feel like.

And then along came Sherlock Holmes, and with a simple look during a moment of rare honesty from Liam — his genuine, child-like inquisitiveness at the sight of that spiral staircase provoking a trait that was truly his — his love of mathematics — Sherlock was able to effortlessly reach out and take the hand of the person who existed behind the mask.

A mathematician: one of the most elementary aspects of Liam’s character, indeed. His love of mathematics shone long before he committed his first act of violence. To be judged so quickly and found not to be the devil, but just a man who loves numbers — that was a glimpse of his true self that he’d almost forgotten about, amidst the pressure of his plans on the Noahtic.

Sherlock is also, aside from Louis and Albert, the only person to my knowledge who is aware of Liam’s true name — and because it was Liam’s choice to gift that knowledge to him. Recalling that Liam believed he was about to die, him giving Sherlock the evidence of his birth, as he was truly originally supposed to be, feels like a painfully poignant and intimate gesture.

Even we, the readers, are not privy to that information. It’s granted only to Sherlock; a secret they share.

The theme of rebirth is very present in the climax of the story, and Liam even states in his letter that if only he could be born again, this time he thinks he and Sherlock would be true friends. It’s desperately sad that he can’t see at that point that he doesn’t need to be reborn to get back in touch with his old self, because he’s still there inside of him. Sherlock is the proof of that, because Sherlock hasn’t found a friend and, dare I say it, a soulmate in William Moriarty, or the Lord of Crime. Sherlock has found that connection with the man beneath the mask.

During the moment on the Thames, William James Moriarty did indeed die a second time. But this time it was so that Liam, as his true self, could re-emerge. This is why he suddenly sees all those colours again — that which was buried is now brought forth towards the light.

Another small point to make is the decision to have Sherlock use Liam almost immediately. It’s a name that feels a lot more removed from the identity of William Moriarty than for example, Will. It’s new and something that’s very much separate from the dead boy Liam embodies. It’s a tiny glimpse of the branch in identities beginning once again after years of suffering his sins in silence.

I could go on and on about all this. It’s probably just obvious stuff to most people. But god damn is it the most beautiful story of losing and finding oneself again, even in the darkest depths of despair, because someone cared enough to reach out a hand.

Might just be my favourite.

[allwaswell16]

A fic rec of One Direction fics where the characters miss an opportunity to be together but reconnect at a later time as requested in this ask. If you enjoy the fics, please leave kudos and comments for the writers! You can find my other fic recs here. Happy reading!

- Louis/Harry -

🩵 Next to your Heartbeat (where I should be) by jaded25

(M, 130k, cheating) All it takes for them to fall in love is one night. All they have to do is wait one year to see each other again.

🩵 I'll Fly Away by @juliusschmidt

(E, 122k, friends to lovers) Harry and Louis grew up together in Lake County, Harry with his mom and stepdad in a tiny cottage on Edward’s Lake and Louis in his family’s farmhouse a few minutes down the road. But after high school, Louis stuck around and Harry did not

🩵 Home To You by Crowsonthewire / @crows-onthewire

(E, 54k, friends to lovers) At fifteen, Harry wrote his first song for an oblivious seventeen year old Louis Tomlinson. Ten years later he’s a singer/songwriter who cant find any words for his second album and Louis is a closeted actor tired of LA.

🩵 Late Night Talking by @kingsofeverything

(E, 53k, famous/famous) Promo season gets underway with a stop at Late Night Talking, the late night show hosted by Harry Styles, and Harry Styles just happens to be the man who blew a chance to date Louis a decade ago.

🩵 It Had To Be You by @kingsofeverything

(M, 45k, When Harry Met Sally au) Ten years after their post-college road trip, Louis and Harry meet once again, but this time they become friends. Eventually, things get complicated.

🩵 Runner on Third by kikikryslee / @flamboyantommo

(M, 39k, friends to lovers) the AU where Louis and Harry were best friends growing up, but lost touch after Harry moved away. Ten years later, Harry has moved back to town, but he and Louis don't pick up where they left off.

🩵 Heart Beat by @allwaswell16

(E, 33k, kid fic) When Harry returns to start a music academy in his hometown, he finds himself face to face with his high school crush—and his charming daughter who wants to learn to play the drums.

🩵 With the Rising Sun by Tomlinsontoes

(M, 33k, sister's best friend) Louis had been living in NYC for two years now while studying at NYU, and was probably the least social 21-year-old ever. Somehow he got roped into his sister's brilliant idea of getting her college best friend to help him branch out and meet people. 

🩵 It's Been So Long by elsi_bee / @elsi-bee

(T, 31k, crush) Harry Styles' first crush was one of his sister's best friends, a certain someone named Louis Tomlinson. And Louis? He just vaguely remembers Gemma's younger brother from back in the day. A lot can change in ten years.

🩵 The Melody You Never Heard by bananasandboots

(E, 30k, camping) the one where Harry gets roped into a four-day camping trip with the boy who kissed him and never called back.

🩵 once bitten and twice shy by @pinkcords

(M, 19k, Christmas) in a rush of bravery only senior year can bring, Harry confesses his feelings in a letter to his neighbor and best friend, Louis, only for the entire school to hear it and laugh him out of their small town in Wisconsin. Ten years later, Harry's a successful lawyer at Columbia Records, coming home for Christmas for the first time since he departed for college. 

🩵 What do you mean he's coming? by MediaWhore / @mediawhorefics

(G, 15k, wedding) Now, not only does he have less than two weeks left to find something moving and inspirational to say, but Gemma just confided in him that her old childhood best friend is going to be in attendance. 

🩵 through the jungle through the dark by YesIsAWorld / @louandhazaf

(E, 15k, ex-friends) Louis and Harry were best friends, until they weren’t. Five years after they last spoke they’re forced to drive cross-country to visit an injured friend. If they can’t get over the past, it will be a very long week together.

🩵 You Turned Up (Like a Friend of Mine) by @lululawrence

(NR, 10k, parallel universes) the one where Harry disappears on graduation day only to show up on Louis' door looking exactly the same ten years later. 

🩵 Read My Lips by superglass / @gaymoustache

(NR, 6k, friends to lovers) Old Uni friends Harry and Louis reconcile for the holidays after Louis’ early success as an indie singer. NYE 1999/Y2K scare au.

🩵 We're Getting Better With Time by @haztobegood

(T, 5k, social media) the one where Louis is single, Harry is recently divorced, and they reconnect on Facebook forty years after they first met.

🩵 Any Man of Mine by QuickedWeen / @becomeawendybird

(T, 5k, childhood friends) Harry goes to visit his old friend Louis at his ranch in Texas after they reconnect during the pandemic. He learns a thing or two about cowboy hat etiquette.

🩵 Seems You Cannot Be Replaced by QuickedWeen / @becomeawendybird

(M, 5k, swimming) Harry and the popular boy in school, Louis Tomlinson, share a tension-filled night together when they're young. Fifteen years later they see each other again.

🩵 Time will tell, I suppose, or at least, these pages will. by Spiralblissx

(G, 5k, pen pals) Harry goes to a public diary reading thing at his local coffee shop and gets more than he bargained for

🩵 On a Day Like This You Know It's Meant to Be by @allwaswell16

(T, 2k, fate) Harry is certain he'll never see him again, even if they did make a pact to reunite should the Chicago Cubs win the World Series.

- Rare Pairs -

🩵 It’s About A Boy by @missrefridgefreetorator / mynameispiaivy 

(G, 4k, Louis/Luke Malak) when a mysterious boy turns your birthday celebration into a night you will never forget, or when it's like, what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas unless someone asks for your number and you just don't want the night to end.

🩵 Costumes Must Be Sexy, Slutty and/or Stupid by LadyAJ_13 / @ladyaj-13

(T, 4k, Louis/Nick Grimshaw) It's a bit of a blast from the past to get an invite to Nick Grimshaw's fancy dress housewarming.

[sunflowervoltwentyeight]

Happy 28th! Here is my May 2024 fic rec, organized by word count, from longest to shortest. You can view my other fic recs here. Enjoy!

We Were Such Fools by kiddle / @bluejeanlouis (98k)

Rule #1: The Rewind Machine cannot be used to change the past, only to experience it. History will reset itself to the original timeline every 24 hours.

On his fiftieth birthday, two things are consuming Harry’s mind: what he’s going to make the kids for dinner tonight, and the fact that his marriage is crumbling at his feet.

So, when his best friend gifts him the trip of a lifetime, Harry chooses to venture off to the summer that set his life on its course—all the way back in 1987, California.

It only took him one summer to fall in love with his husband the first time around. How hard could starting all over really be?

Once Bitten and Twice Shy Series by pinkcords / @pinkcords (60k)

once bitten and twice shy (19k) This time as his stomach rolls, there’s no doubt about it. He’s going to vomit. And if he does, it’ll be on Louis’ shoes, a nice little parting gift to go with the embarrassment he’s caused the both of them. “I’m gonna throw up,” he says just as Louis turns to look at him, blue eyes swimming with shock and confusion, and asks, “Is that true?” Or, in a rush of bravery only senior year can bring, Harry confesses his feelings in a letter to his neighbor and best friend, Louis, only for the entire school to hear it and laugh him out of their small town in Wisconsin. Ten years later, Harry's a successful lawyer at Columbia Records, coming home for Christmas for the first time since he departed for college. He plans to work his way through the trip, eat his mom's cooking, and avoid everyone from his past for as long as possible. The only problem is best laid plans hardly ever go as intended. These Stars Will Guide Us Home (41k) And then he’s gonre. Harry watches him take off his shoes, sort his belongings into bins, and keeps watching until he vanishes entirely, around the corner to his gate. Louis doesn’t look back and Harry can’t blame him, certain his expression, body language, entire being would implore him to stay. It would just make it more difficult on both of them. Louis’ always been intuitive like that, strong enough to make the hard decisions that protect both of them. Or Harry lives in New York and Louis lives in Wisconsin.

Cabin Fever by germericangirl / @germericangirl (46k)

“What the fuck is he doing here?“ He asked still looking at him, before he turned back to look at Niall for an answer.

Niall’s mouth fell open and he looked at him with wide eyes "He um changed his mind?“

Harry stared at Niall for a few seconds in silence, before grabbing a bag and walking towards a bedroom without looking at anyone else, slamming the door shut behind himself.

Liam flinched in front of Louis.

“Well I’m happy to see you too.“ Louis mumbled, some of the tension leaving his body. This wasn’t exactly how he thought their first meeting would go. It was quiet for a moment before Louis finally spoke up “Did you seriously not tell him I was coming?“

Or:

One cabin, one bed, two ex-boyfriends. What could possibly go wrong?

You, In Every Color by blueskiesrry / @blueskiesrry (38k)

But then he thinks of the soft curves and sharp angles he had imagined when he first drew up the sketches for the collection, the specific green of fabric he had picked with the thought of how they’d saturate green eyes, the glossy silks and soft velvets he had once pictured sitting delicately against milky skin.

“We’re drunk,” Louis decides on a sigh. “We shouldn’t make any drastic decisions now.”

or: fashion designer louis and his model bf harry have vowed to never work together again, but with the show for louis’ first solo line on the horizon, they decide to give it another shot

We'll Be Alright by ShatteredGlassHouse / @larryislove (36k)

"Lou, I know this-"

"Not plan? Of course, this wasn't planned. Harry, this can't be happening. We can't have a kid. We are not even supposed to be sleeping together."

Harry flinched at Louis' words. He was right, but Louis didn't need to be blunt about it.

"I'm not ready to have kids. I said that when we started this… Relationship," Louis stuttered the last word, trying to find the proper wording.

"Do you think I am? I'm not even twenty-four. You are almost twenty-nine! You're at the age where most people start a family."

"Doesn't mean I want to have one!" Louis snapped.

"Well, it's happening," Harry said, trying to keep his voice calm.

"Be serious, Harry. We can't have a baby. If people find out, you'll be fired."

Harry subconsciously wrapped his arms around his middle. He suddenly felt small. He didn't expect Louis to be excited. This wasn't the best news for their situation, but he thought he'd be happy.

"I know, Louis."

Or Louis is the Captian of Liverpool FC and Harry is one of the team's physiotherapists. They have a secret relationship going but things become complicated when Harry finds out he's pregnant.

Host of a Name by Signofcomfort / @signofcomfort (35k)

Louis leaves the band in the middle of the tour and drops off the face of the earth. Five years later, they might have a chance to meet him. Harry can finally have some answers and tell the truth for the first time.

Cabin on the Bluff Series by juliusschmidt / @juliusschmidt (6k)

Beech Tree in Autumn (1k) Louis walks forward. Harry walks back. And back. And back. Off the two track, through the brush, until his heel bangs against the trunk of a tree. Louis presses further still. Without so much as a, 'hello,' he's kissing Harry, hard and hungry. Mosquito Bites and Cheap Beer (2k) Harry’s careful not to look at Louis as he plays. At least, he starts out that way. But then the sky behind Louis begins to shift, clouds morphing from piles of gold-tinged wool to scoops of pink and orange sherbet. And at some point, Harry forgets-- forgets not to watch. And when he catches himself, it’s fine. Louis’ watching him right back. Sandwiches on the Shady Shore (2k) “You don’t have to do this,” Louis says. It’s hot in the little kitchen, even with the windows open and a breeze blowing in. Harry feels a flush enfold him from the inside out. “I know,” he says. And then, because he’s already showed up embarrassingly early in the day and made Louis a cheese sandwich, he adds, “I wanted to.”

Trust Me to Take You Home by hattalove / @hattalove (4k)

“I made breakfast,” says Harry, and Louis can feel him smile where his face is smushed against Louis’s shoulder blade. “Full English. All for you.” Louis finally opens his eyes, and blinks. “What about the others?” “Asleep,” Harry whispers, “it’s five in the morning.”

or, a clichéd tale of two boys in love and their first valentine's day together.

[thatsdemko]

you belong with me - l.hamilton

t- swift inspired works masterlist

full masterlist & part two full masterlist

requested: n

pairings: Lewis Hamilton x fem!reader

warnings: hints of jealousy

a/n: I SEE TAYLOR SWIFT TODAY!!! so in typical fashion, here’s a Taylor swift inspired work!

Dreaming about the day when you wake up and find

That what you're looking for has been here the whole time

Lewis Hamilton is known for his infamous amounts of connections. from the Latina pop singer shakira all the way to lebron james; Lewis Hamilton has connections and it’s no surprise to you that he’d date someone famous.

you expected it this whole, having grown up with him you know him from his favorite songs, to the wild dreams he’s had as a kid. he didn’t tell this stuff to just anyone, only his best friend. and that’s all you’ve ever known yourself to be.

Lewis Hamiltons best friend.

the girl on the phone that’s got him upset doesn’t know that he can’t live without looking at photo of Roscoe before bed. she doesn’t know he’s accidentally called your mom his mother. and she most certainly does not know that you dream of being his. you keep that to yourself.

it’s almost slipped. constructors cups, world championships, or pole positions. they’ve all almost led to those words sneaking out your lips.

you were so sure he didn’t feel the same way. he didn’t look at you like he did with Versace models or when dua lipa asked him for photo. you politely stand to the side with a smile on your face as the cameras flash into his sunglasses. why can’t that be you by his side? why cant you just toughen up and tell him?

oh that’s right, because he’s in love with another girl.

—

“hey, sorry about last night. I really let that argument get out of control.” he plops down on the patio furniture. he places a friendly pat against your thigh before quickly pulling his hands into his lap, “we worked things out now, she’s coming in tomorrow.”

“for the race?” you ask beginning to fiddle with the cap on your water bottle. you weren’t opposed to his new girlfriend joining you in the paddock, but you certainly wouldn’t be joining her in the garage. not with the way she made him feel yesterday.

he nods wrapping his arm around the back of the cushions, pulling himself closer to you, “I think you guys will get along. will you promise to be nice to her?”

“lew, of course I will.”

he laughs, “and don’t call me that in front of her. I’m really trying to impress, I think she could be the one.” his elbow nudges your arm, jokingly. he always loves the nicknames, especially since that one was from childhood when the letter ‘s’ was hard for you.

“I’ll call you whatever I want to.” you let out a hmph as you lean further against the cushions, slightly into his arms trying to pass on the hint. you’re sure he doesn’t notice it, he hasn’t for all these years what will change?

—

she shows up decked in Gucci and Louis Vuitton, things you could never afford. you feel small and out of place beside her, in your jean shorts and one of Lewis’ old Mercedes t-shirts. your personalities are so different, and maybe she was more fit for him. after all, they did meet at a fashion show and you met him on the playground kicking up dirt.

“good luck!” she calls out from beside you, arm waving in the air trying to catch his attention, but it’s useless. he’s too zoned in to pay attention, the race is the only thing that matters to him in this moment.

the only person he locks eyes with, is you. it’s usually right before he slides the visor down and he always does it. you never miss a race, which means he never gets superstitious, but today you’re not there. your placement is somebody else— a nobody to be precise, someone who will mess up his game.

If you could see that I'm the one

Who understands you

Been here all along

that’s what in it really does hit him. that he could have any girl or person in his garage, but the one person that matters is you. the one person he cares about isn’t standing there like you’re supposed to be.

so when he crosses that finish line in third place, he doesn’t celebrate the top ten win with her, he goes to find you. the person who he belongs with.

Standing by and waiting at your backdoor

All this time how could you not know, baby?

You belong with me

You belong with me