#Low Self-esteemed Mangaka

[justfinishedreading]

While I’ve been making slow progress with Bulgakov’s The Master and Margarita I’ve also been reading manga in-between, you know to just break up the comedic-Russian-craziness. I read My Lesbian Experience with Loneliness by Nagata Kabi earlier this year and planned to read her sequels. First up is My Solo Exchange Diary, volume 1.

Like the first book, this is also biographical. Let’s be realistic: the initial reason these books get picked up by readers is because of the nudity on the cover and the word ‘Lesbian’. Whilst it’s true that the author does write about her sexual awakening, that is not at the forefront, these books are about so much more, they are about a truth rarely expressed: before you can start loving someone romantically, you must first love yourself.

In My Solo Exchange Diary 1 Kabi mostly tackles her relationship with her family, her co-dependant relationship with her mother, her estrangement with her father, her desperation for their approval, her huge feelings of guilt when trying to move out of the family home, and her successes and failures to do so.

An important moment is also when she talks about life after ‘success’, her first book My Lesbian Experience with Loneliness was published and is selling well, she’s getting more work and recognition, but this does not mean her life is now fixed and amazing. We’re used to too many stories (mainly in film) ending with the protagonist accomplishing their goal and “living happy ever after”. But accomplishing a goal does not equal happiness for the rest of your life. Yes it’s great that underdog sports team made it to the final and won, that the superhero defeated the villain and saved the world, that the protagonist conquered the heart of their loved one, and that after years of research and struggle the quirky scientist made a ground-breaking discovery. Great. But life also exists AFTER that.

Nagata Kabi is becoming a successful mangaka, but she is still suffering from depression, still has family issues, still has low self-esteem and experiences uncertainty, and she is still learning how to love. I hope she gets better, in all aspects of her life, but these things take time, and sometimes things do not work out, meanwhile I’m happy to buy her books and support this wonderful artist.

Review by Book Hamster 

[hetalia-headcanons-and-scenarios]

General headcanons: Axis

Hiii, this is my first post :-)). I'll be posting my general headcanons for the main characters (so allies and axis), if y'all want for some other characters I'll do it no problem. In my headcanons I'll put mainly, sexuality, age, professions (or in some cases if they are students), and random headcanons as in to fit in some sort of human au, it is mainly for me to use as a referent while writing.

I'm sorry if some characters sound too out of themselves I'll try to do my best.

(also even if I assign sexualities don't take them too much into account, as I can mold them for different scenarios)

Germany - Ludwig Beilschmidt:

- totally a gym gay. I feel like I don't need to explain myself for this one.

- the general rule is for him to be 19, but honestly I kind of see him as a little bit older, like 23 or smth

- fresh out of uni, works at his father's company, and is in training to take his place

- really closeted, mostly for himself... like he doesn't know anything about himself, he is totally clueless

- everyone else he is close to tho, they know.

- really shy, which manifests in him being very socially clumsy and awkward

- hard worker and a great leader even with his shyness he manages to be very good as a leader

- he just hates any other social interaction

- most of his dogs are adopted and he takes pride in it

- lives alone, he could live with his parents, but he hates to be dependent so he decided to move out as soon as he could

- visits them a lot, because he loves his parents

- grandpa's favorite

- volunteers at a dog shelter

- virgin

Italy - Feliciano Vargas:

- bi, with a very strong woman preference

- 21 years old, last year of university

- finishing his last year as a fine arts major

- his mother is very famous in the art world so he has almost a place guaranteed in that world

- mama's boy and proud

- very passive in life, he just wants to enjoy the moment and not think about the future

- surprisingly he doesn't like coffee unless it's with a lot of creams and milk (like those who barely look like they have any coffee)

- party boy, but he is very classy and only goes to fancy-ass parties

- daddy's money helps him live his life

- cat person

- extremely flirty bisexual stereotype

- a bit of a fake bitch, if he doesn't like you you won't know, ut he'll be roasting you to his brother all the time

Japan - Kiku Honda:

- biromantic ace

- 26 years old

- he is a famous mangaka, but nobody really knows who he is

- very private about his life and reclusive

- very polite and kind, even with people he doesn't like

- goes out quite often, he just doesn't go where the people are

- enjoys walks in the forest and rainy days

- he prefers traditional art over digital art

- watches a lot of anime

- doesn't know how to talk to women

- extremely shy and quiet

- doesn't like noise

- he hates the idea of sex and feels extremely dirty thinking about it

- like he doesn't even enjoy porn or hentai

- he does crave a romantic relationship but he finds it very difficult to find a partner

- has a lot of self-esteem issues

South Italy - Lovino Vargas

- straight bastard

- 23 years old

- he is the inheritor of his family business, but he is for the moment unemployed and enjoying life as a rich bitch

- he is pretty lazy and is used to have things go his way

- but he also has a complex because his brother is the favorite child

- gets away with too much, like how does he even do it?

- is addicted to coffee

- loves women and hates men, nobody knows why, he's been like that ever since he was a baby

- art collector

- has tried to be an actor, but it didn't work

- that made him feel worse about everything

- also a party boy, any party is a good party for Lovino

- he is not fake like Feliciano, he'll talk badly about you in front of you and with his brother

- they have kind of a weird relationship even though they keep in touch

- isn't scared of physical fights (he will fight you, careful)

- has a tiny dog

- thinks that cats are mean

Spain - Antonio Carriedo

- gay. himbo

- 27 years old

- primary school teacher

- all the little girls (and boys) have a crush on him

- as well as some of the teaching staff

- he is just a nice and attractive man

- respects women and is an advocate for feminism (even if he doesn't understand everything about it)

- loves children and wants to be a dad (even a stay at home dad)

- isn't the brightest man alive but he tries

- extremely outgoing

- has friends almost everywhere he goes

- enjoys the little things in life

- it is rare to see him angry, but those who have rarely speak about it

- has some boundaries problems

- he is the nicest person you'll probably know

- easy to trick because he has a lot of faith in people

Prussia - Gilbert Beilschmidt

- bisexual

- 27 years old

- currently unemployed due to health problems

- sickly child, and sickly adult

- he has low defenses and as a kid already knew about it

- still, he is very cool and nice

- has a high self-esteem

- mama's boy

- extremely outgoing and a party boy

- even if he is living in the shadow of his younger brother he is still a very good big brother to Ludwig

- sincere

- runs a meme page

- he also is considering starting a gaming channel

- has some commitment issues due to knowing he is going to die young

- so he has had a lot of relationships that have lasted two weeks or less

- he isn't scared of going out of his comfort zone

- he fights a lot with people online

- he loves being right and is a bit headstrong

[polandspringz]

So I just finished reading Volume 1 of Bisco Hatori’s (the OHSHC mangaka) manga Behind the Scenes, and I have to say if you like Blue Period or stories about art and its production I would highly recommend it!

There’s only seven volumes total (it’s finished publication) so it’s a shorter series but based on Volume 1 alone I would definitely say this series has promise and I am worried I might not get everything I want out of it because it’s short, but I’m still excited to buy each volume and see where it takes me!

The story is set in a college university and is about several film clubs who enlist the talents of the “Art Squad”, a group of amateurs who specialize in set, costume, and prop design for anything the film clubs need. It mainly follows a young man named Ranmaru who has low self-esteem due to a series of unfortunate events throughout his life and how he ends up stumbling his way into joining the Art Squad (in a very OHSHC-familiar manner) and how he learns to believe in himself and his talents. 

It’s got a slightly different tone than Blue Period, much more comedic, but I think anyone who resonated with Blue Period’s messages about “Why do we make art? What do I want to do with my life? Is it alright to be passionate about something?” and other themes like learning to love oneself and not blaming yourself for everything would very much enjoy this series.

[freewilllife]

You seem to be optimistic that ils letter might be misleading but the fact is kusa just butchered suwons character to prove il right. I think at the end ils bs prophecy will turn out to be true. As yona is fully convinced that his father is absolutely right about all staffs and we know when she decides something it eventually becomes true no matter how unrealistic it is. So there is no way that suwon will have any justification. So hak and yona are bound to hate him more than before and take him down. That is the end game.

Dear anon, surely I am optimistic that the letter is misleading. I am still convinced that Kusanagi-sensei is a capable mangaka, a capable storyteller. Surely, certain arcs had its weaknesses, but they were never so nonsensical than this chapter.

King Il´s letter

King Il put truth next to something illogical and nonsensical that I can only perceice them as either blatant lies or self-delusion. (Based on this chapter, I would suggest, it might be rather self-delusion, because...there is some truth in the illogical rambling.

King Il begins his letter with the words, that he had faced himself...That is only half-true...

A. The relationship between the two brothers

1. King Il admits that Yon hi had been not responsible for the estrangement between him and his brother...That is a true fact that we can actually see, when those two meet...

That it existed way before is believable, when we see how both of them talk to each other...Yu hon is annoyed and King Il most likely feels oppressed...He looks down and is unsure.

Even that their interests don´t necessarily overlap, is in fact true

Yu hon wishes that Il goes out with him and King Il is not fond of that idea,

We also see that King Il tries to remind his brother to visit the temple....

2. It is very likely that King Il was generally jealous of Yu hon and not just because of Yon hi

I just don´t buy the second part of King Il´s tale...that he has never put himself off  that his brother was more popular...(Honestly that would be abnormal and his strong reaction regarding Yon hi later actually suggests that there was truly jealousy that King Il did not wish to see...and not just because of Yon hi)

3. Truthfully, King Il admits that he was jealous because of Yon hi being a descendant ( and that it was not her fault, but his)..

However, here shows the self-delusion that he was not generally jealous of his brother...

If we look back at the scene...

King Il shows that his self-esteem is very low and that he considered the intention of his brother to be vile ..”He mocked him”...King Il perceives that his brother wishes to take something...to monopolise King Hiryuu´s blood.

But ask yourself...why is it such a problem for King Il that Yu hon monopolises is? Because Il “desired the king”...It was Il´s territory!

And not Yu hon´s! And it was only a problem, because Il did feel jealous that his brother monopolised other territories that King Il desired. His reaction would have been never so gravely, if that was not the case.I suggest that King Il most likely suppressed these ill feelings, that is why they exploded suddenly during the event with Yon hi.

I. self-delusion: King Il was only jealous due to Yon hi =>

Most likely rather true: King Il was generally jealous regarding his brother.

B. King Il and his relationship to his spouse and King Hiryuu

1. King Il may be really not always able to find the correct words, however, ...

What he does not acknowledge is, that the things he says then, are actually very true..Like that he was jealous of his brother or that he had the impression that he would mock him.....Because that was what King Il really thought in that moment...

Therefore it is very suspicious, that after the believable fact that he cannot speak the right words to make the impression he wishes to leave, comes the claim that he did mean to say something different regardind Yona  and Kashi...

2. King il claims that he wished to tell his brother how much he  loved Kashi...

Funny, right...that he claims that he did use the “wrong words”...

 When we look back at the mentioned scene

King Il had to mention that Kashi is the mother of Yona...and then he claims that she is “mother to the exalted dragon king”...

Wrong! Yona is the reincarnation and both Yona and King Hiryuu are different people! Yona is a human being!

So King Il had a stronger urge to stand there and put the fact here that Yona is the (reincarnation of the ) dragon king.

If the urge to tell him of his feelings of his wife would have been stronger, than he would have simply told this to his brother. But that was not the case...

Another hint that this what King Il is spouting here are actually lies...or a form of self-delusion...is this...

King Il has no problems showing concern or worry or love...because we have scenes where he demonstrated this

Despite what he claimed...it is pretty strange, why his spouse thought then they were only married due to having Yona...

Another point is that he endangered Yona´s life when mentioning to Soo Won that she was the reincarnation of King Hiryuu...

I mean he claims that he thought that Soo Won would kill her...

Let´s imagine King Il really thought that Soo Won would kill his daughter...Why does he stirr the fire then by mentioning that Yona is the reincarnation of the dragon king and “Soo Won is different”?...

King Il proved to have such a strong urge to tell Soo Won that he had to tell the supposed murderer of his daughter that she was the reincarnation of King Hiryuu and Soo Won was not....implying therefore that she is the true king...If he wished to see his daughter really dead...this would be the best option...I guess...

And if Soo Won´s nightmare is right, then he literally set Soo Won up to kill Yona by threatening Soo Won...

Later he says that he intends to find her a person that will treasure her...well he did, but this is...

Nonsensical...sorry to say...I mean trying to persuade her supposed murderer to murder her and finding a person to prevent the murder...

II. self-delusion: Yona loved both Kashi and Yona so desperately and King Hiryuu was not that important to him in comparison

=> The fact that Yona was King Hiryuu (´s reincarnation) overshadowed clearly his feelings for both Kashi and Yona

C. Putting blame on his brother and the justification of his deed...and absolving himself from the guilt that he is a bad king

We all know that Yu hon is not a sweet little sheep, but a cruel murderer that even kills women and children in battle...

Still....King Il´s perception of his I dare say is deluded....Above we have an example where King Il does not understand his brother at all and perceives him as being vile and mocking him...while Yu hon feels threatened since he brought Yon hi in the temple...

Here is the next instant, where this is clearly true...

It is very telling that King Il thinks that his brother would kill because he wished to bring down judgement on people...and does exactly this  while threatening his own brother with a sword in his hand! = He commits said sin that he wishes to perceive in his brother...He brings down judgement with a sword!

The irony! I wonder if King Il has ever understood this? I doubt it.

It rather appears that Yu hon kills because he has the impression he “has to protect somebody like Yon hi or the country..”...and I don´t remember him pretending that he killed sinful people that deserved to be killed...

Of course it does not necessarily justify to kill people because he has the impression that somebody threatens something or somebody that is dear to him..(I still wonder if the priests were actually so pure and blameless...but nevertheless..it is demonstrated to be unnecessary and cruel...)

However it does not make him a pure devil...because he is not...Yu hon´s wish to protect the country is earnest...He tries to persuade his brother until he dies...He tells it his wife and his son...

Yup. So putting three sources together ( Soo Won , Keishuk and Yon hi and the last one actually considered him to be vile and still has this part in her diary): I claim: Yu hon actually wished to protect the country...and work under King Il...

It was a clear humiliation for him,and he had to fight with himself...but eventually he accepted that he lost the thing he thought was promised since birth...

So a guy that was able to suppress his own negative feelings and work under his brother that he perceives as a bad king ( which is unfortunately a fact...)

( it seems that this trait actually stems from Yu hon and not Yon hi...and is far stronger present in Soo Won).

So I dare ask you now...Is this really true what King Il spouts here...would have Yu hon so a bad king for Kouka? (  I don´t think so, but surely his treatment of his enemies would have been cruel...)

However he was a person that had already worked in the military and administration. He came more in contant with other people outside of the palace...He seems to be more capable and is able to put his own negative feelings aside...

What we however know is that King Il was an as bad king as Yu hon had feared...

King Il killed him...because of feelings...(It is funny that Kashi was not even mentioned in the end...)

III. self-delusion: His brother wishes to oppress and pass judgement on people he considers inferior

=> Reality: His brother humiliated himself by his decision to serve under him.

IV. self-delusion: His brother is a more horrible king than King Il

=> The likelihood that Kouka would have been thriving under Yu hon is rather high ( It depends who you actually ask...The people in misery in Kouka most likely have another point of view than King Il or the people of Xing...)

Hilariously...He justifies him being a failure as a king that he is “a mere place-holder” for Yona...and therefore it is a necessary evil that he is such a miserable king...From this letter you get the impression that King Il actually gave up without really trying like...IL, that is not a play or an act! These are the lives of the people of Kouka you are gambling with!

Like he knew that he would be a bad king, still, he persisted to stay on the throne...

The funny thing is that King Il immediately thinks of his own death by Soo Won´s hand  and not the lives of all the people that will suffer under him, a pretty human thing to do I guess, but selfish.

However I have to admit, that he at least really did not defend himself...just like his brother.

King Il immediately tells us that he does not wish to kill a second time...So him offering up his life to Soo Won is solely because King Il is so good that he wishes  not to kill again...

The scene has however to much relation to the death of his own brother and even if King Il makes it sound as if it is a noble thing to do...It does appear rather as a form of guilt he feels towards his brother?...(This scene is an itchy place where I also think there is something missing...Why does King Il not speak about the two people whose husband or father he has killed? Wouldn´t that be the perfect place for facing it?)

It is also interesting that King Il seems to hate the action (”murder” ) in itself.

Irony in itself

And then we have the very strange scene, where he actually takes the advice from his brother like Yu hon had offered him....

Like he could have had it, but then threw his brother down a cliff and now is thinking that the same person that he killed would gladly give him advice...

In my opinion - that is really just my impression - the scene has nothing nice or sweet to it, but is rather cringe-worthy.

When you know that King Il is a bad king and his brother would have helped him rule, yet he still threw him down and later fantasizes about a perfect  image of his brother that gives him advice...like...

It is ironic af if you consider what Yu hon told Il directly on the day he killed him

I mean sure...You did not prepare Yona ...You did prepare her not at all and surely a 16 year old teenager is able to understand that her father had been killed and that she is now bound to “correct” what her father - a failure of a king - has committed.

Like the sheer idiocy that he believed just because Yona was the reincarnation, that she would be able to do rescue the country when she has not the best education for that job...How?...Because of magic!

Let´s continue with Soo Won:

“Vilifying Soo Won”

The first time King Il demonized Soo Won was at age 2, when he had just broken in to see Yona...Soo Won was a curious child that ran around a lot...

The deed in itself did not warrant such a treatment...throwing him out and telling a small child of 2 years that he “gets an unpleasant feeling from him”...

It is not intended to be a scene where we should feel sympathy for King Il...the maids are upset about that treatment...

Since Soo Won honestly did not commit a grave sin...

So this guy does not look like he had earnt such a treatment...and King Il´s words did seem to have made an impression...

Yon hi even remarks that it is strange that he treated Soo Won so coldly...

I mean, we know that King Il was aware of Kashi´s prophecy...but still...why treat such a young child so coldly? Soo Won is still a small little bean and not the murderer King Il most likely saw that moment...(Honestly, King Il´s life must have been a never ending nightmare of fear).

Still Soo Won actually did like his uncle and we can actually see that during a few occasions...

Here he shuts up some servants who talk ill about King Il in front of Yona...

Is happy, when King Il visits Yona...

So it appears that the malice was solely on King Il´s part before the murder of Yu hon...

Why do I say “vilifying” or “demonizing of Soo Won”?

Because King Il ( and Yon hi) treat the not even 9 year old Soo Won as if he is already a full-grown adult that will surely and definitely kill King Il...

However...He does not appear to be so absolutely sure...

Unfortunately for King Il, he does refuse to look at Soo Won clearly or talk with him...

In King Il´s mind he does already appear as a little devil that smirks maliciously at him...

(Isn´t it ironic that King Il thinks like this, when he surely did not “put Soo Won´s box up” at all...He was not even worth a fleeing thought...)

That it is however most likely not necessarily the case...

From Yona´s pov....the aggresssion might come not necessarily (only) from Soo Won...

So now...this is the reason anon, why I do consider chapter 197 a pretty hilarious chapter! I hope that I could help!

[hackedmotionsensors]

when you got that low self esteem and you hate how you look in photos and they need a “publicity photo”

like....this shit doesn’t happen with mangaka. Mangaka can draw a shoe or an alligator or an ape for their self portrait and no one needs to know what they look like but nah I gotta....try really hard to not look like a fucking creep with one squinty eye and a big gap tooth and frizzy hair and hope everyone doesn’t make fun of me for not being able to take a nice photo bc I HATEHOW I LOOOKK!!!!!!!!!!!

I’ll delete this post later I just ....ugh....I don’t want a photo of me out there I already don’t like putting photos of myself on twitter or social media in general. BECAUSE I’M FUCKING WEIRD LOOKING

[rz-jocelyn]

[NEWS] Sato Ryuji has been Added to the Cast of the TV Drama "Peanut Butter Sandwich"

Broadcast Channels, Dates and Times:

MBS on April 02, 2020 at 24.59 (Japan time)

Television Kanagawa on April 02, 2020 at 23.00 (Japan time)

Chiba TV on April 03, 2020 at 24.00 (Japan time)

TV Saitama on April 08, 2020 at 24.00 (Japan time)

Tochigi TV on April 09, 2020 at 22.25 (Japan time)

Gunma Television on April 09, 2020 at 23.30 (Japan time)

Online Broadcast:

TVer

MBS Dougaizm

GYAO!

Cast:

Yahagi Honoka as Tsubaki

Ito Kentaro as Kobayashi

Ito Shuko as Director Gonda

Hotta Akane as Katagiri Sayo

Takimoto Miori as Morimoto Miharu

Kakei Miwako as Yamashita Miwa

Niwa Niki as Matsuoka Akane

Okuno Sou as Tokita Yuuto

Sato Ryuji as Tanaka Ryota

Yoshida Jinto (M!LK) as Kaneko Shin

Hama Shogo as Aoki Haruto

Hamao Noritaka as Igarashi Shu

Ichinose Ryu as Tsuda Kenji

Oshinari Shugo as Sasayama Takumi

Story Description:

The work of mangaka and illustrator Mitsuko, she created the "Peanut Butter Sandwich", a manga based on the questionnaire responses provided the readers of "with". 

It tells the story of four women in their 20s who want to get married and a mysterious organisation called "Peanut Butter Sandwich", or otherwise known as PBS. The members of the organisation include Director Gonda (Ito Shuko), Tsubaki (Yahagi Honoka) and Kobayashi (Ito Kentaro). PBS then selects four women and supports them in their desire to get married.

Office lady Sayo (Hotta Akane), a workaholic career woman who thinks that she can get anything she wants as long as she works hard.

Nurse Miharu (Takimoto Miori), who is losing her hope for marriage in a relationship that has been going on for too long.

Credit union bank OL Miwa (Kakei Miwako), who has a low self-esteem and will immediately sleep with anyone who acknowledges her.

Secretary Akane (Niwa Niki), a beauty who turns heads with a dark side to her.

Sato Ryuji's Character Description:

Tanaka Ryota is Miharu's (Takimoto Miori) boyfriend who has been cohabiting with her for 6 years. They lead a life like a married couple, but Ryota shows absolutely no sign of proposing marriage to Miharu.

"Peanut Butter Sandwich" Official Twitter Account: HERE

"Peanut Butter Sandwich" Official Instagram Account: HERE

"Peanut Butter Sandwich" Official Website: HERE

Source(s): ( x , x , x , x , x )

[kathryntheawesome]

Get to know me. I was tagged by @jellytalia 😊

Name: Kathryn

Gender: female

Star Sign: I don't know astrology, let me look it up... Aries

Hogwarts House: I've never taken a quiz, but it's probably Hufflepuff 🦡

Fav Animal: cats, birds, anything small and cute, pretty much all animals... 😻

Average Hours of Sleep: 8-9

Dogs or Cats: Cats, but I like dogs too

Blankets You Usually Sleep With: comforter and quilt

Dream Job: mangaka I guess, or just art in general

When I Made My Blog: about a year ago

Followers: 68

Why I Made A Tumblr: 1. I wanted to have somewhere to post my art online, and 2. I'd seen Tumblr screenshots on Pinterest for years and it seemed like fun.

Reason for URL: I have low self esteem, so I put "awesome" in my online name so every time I'll see it, I'll remember that I'm awesome. 😊

I left some questions out because I didn't feel like answering them. 😋

I won't tag anyone; you can do this if you want! 😄

[downloadarmy]

I Am a Hero

I Am a Hero

Hideo Suzuki is a 35-year-old mangaka assistant, whose life seem to be stuck around his exhausting but low-paying job, unfulfilled dreams, strange hallucinations and unsatisfying relationships. He sees himself as a supporting character in his own life, has low self-esteem, resulting in frustration. One day, the world as Hideo knows it is shattered by the presence of a disease that turns people…

[thedramafilesblog-blog]

Appearing before The Dramacourt: You Always Haunt My Heart Eps 1 and 2

***If this is your first time browsing The Drama Files, please read The Rules section first for our reviewing and rating system***

Issues:

Whether it was reasonable for Kojiro Yoshizaki to criticize Ogawa Kyoko during a gokon

Whether it was reasonable for Kojiro to avoid Kyoko at first

Whether Ren is pretty messed up

The Rule(s):

Yes!

Definitely!

Yes. So messed up.

Analysis:

Jubiemon J: I came across this Japanese drama randomly and decided to give it a shot. I started from the second episode and was a bit annoyed by the female lead, Ogawa Kyoko, at first, but then someone mentioned in the comments that this drama had been adapted from a manga. I decided to read the first volume of the manga and was disturbed, but nevertheless intrigued. I decided to give this drama another go and luckily, it is just as interesting as the manga thanks to the decent actresses and actors (esp Mukai Osamu who plays Hoshina Ren here).

I think what’s really interesting about this drama is that you can’t really tell who the male lead is, in this case. Kyoko is still obviously attached to Ren, in a psychological sense, yet she also wants to break free from him, making her become attracted to Kojiro. Ren acts as her security blanket–the only one that was able to accept her flaws and see her in positive light back when she was all alone in university. It’s natural for her to still be drawn to that dependency. However, she has experienced a very negative and scary experience with Ren and after that, she has realized how important it is to break free from Ren.

Look at that scary scene from the past . . . Kyoko lying there..

Truth be told, she probably sees through who Ren really is but still has a bit of trouble accepting it. Here we have her in this drama, struggling to follow her mind, which is telling her to move on and change into a stronger person, versus her heart, which is wanting her to stay the same and be glued to Ren.

Kyoko believing in him . . . thinking that he’s an angel

Ren: You don’t have anyone to talk to but me…

Usually I don’t give summaries about a drama, but in this case, I think it’s important to give some background to understand where Kyoko is coming from and why she acts in certain ways. (Of course, the drama doesn’t show Kyoko’s past so linearly, but I’m going to do that so it’s easier to follow along.) Kyoko has always had low self-esteem and self-confidence due to her stuttering and weaker social skills. It doesn’t help that her classmates in elementary school, high school, and college have all made fun of her. They switch one part of her name so that it turns into something that means being petrified/shocked. That name is like a dog tag and follows her around throughout her life; she’s pretty much branded and believes that she’s like that. It’s even worse that her mother is so negative towards her and favours her younger sister far more. Her mother sees no talent in Kyoko and is very ashamed of Kyoko’s stuttering. As a result, Kyoko has never felt loved or accepted and becomes very vulnerable to exploitation.

This exploitation comes from Ren who acts like the perfect Prince. He is everything you’d expect in a gentleman–kind, accepting, smart, gentle, and handsome. He is the only one that tells her that she can be herself and stay as herself. Because it’s the first time that anyone has said that to her, Kyoko feels very loved and secure. She becomes very dependent on Ren and goes to him whenever she has problems at home or at school. Ren teaches her how to be more comfortable with herself by wearing a braided scarf. Before, Kyoko would wear braids and braid her hair to feel secure. After Ren’s teaching, she begins to wear braided scarves. (This is also a symbol of her dependency towards Ren. It’s sort of like how her heart is knotted and she can’t get out of this entanglement. To Ren, her braided scarf is like a dog leash. It means that he is hers.)

Ren braiding that scarf to replace her braids

Ren: You just have to stay as is.

Ren: Stay how you are.

Kyoko: Stay as is?

One day, Ren is crying in a classroom and Kyoko asks if there’s anything that she could do for him. Ren tells her to live only for him and she agrees. The next scene we see is Kyoko on the ground with her long hair cut by Ren’s scissors. Ren is on top of her and probably has tried to kill her. (Severe trigger warning (Do not read this part if you feel uncomfortable with disturbing sexual content: In the drama, we see that Kyoko once performed a strip show to comfort Ren’s guy friend. In the manga, however, this part is darker. Instead of a strip show, Kyoko slept with the guy friend/classmate. Ren tried to test Kyoko’s loyalty by asking her to sleep with guy friend of his. If she did, then Ren would break up with his many girlfriends and only give his attention to Kyoko. Kyoko didn’t want to at first, but then Ren pointed to her that she had agreed that she’d do anything for Ren. Kyoko naively slept with the guy friend of his in a classroom while Ren waited outside. When she and the guy finished, you could see that her underwear had been stained red, meaning that she gave her virginity to that stranger. She then told Ren that she listened to him, which would mean that he’d only date her. Ren pushed her away, saying that she was filthy and gross. He said that she was like a whore and would open her legs up for anyone. Then he left her crying in that classroom.)

Ren: You said you’d do anything for me right?

Kyoko: I did . . .

Ren: Then let me see your genuineness. If you do then I’ll break up with all the other girls and only be with you.

Kyoko: . . .

Kyoko: Really? You’d do that?

Outside of this university club and inside are men waiting for Kyoko to strip…

Naive girl listens to Ren

Takes off her clothes

Noooo, Kyoko! Don’t do it. Don’t do it.

Loses her soul here . . .

Stop girl . . . seriously broke my heart seeing her do this.

😥 😥 

(Trigger warning: Ren, in the manga, is shown to have been abused by a parent who would strangle him until he peed his pants. The abuse likely caused him to have this messed up personality.)

After that event where Ren tried to kill her, the two separated and Kyoko now is working at a lingerie store. She is in charge of determining the fabric for the lingerie and works with designers. She goes on a gokon where she meets Kojiro, who is an editor for a mangaka. Kojiro is the opposite of Ren. Kojiro is very blunt, honest, and good hearted. Unlike Ren who seems like a perfect prince at first glance, Kojiro gives off an intimidating vibe that makes him seem mean/unapproachable. Ironically, Kojiro has a very kind heart, which Kyoko sees and becomes attracted to. Just when Kyoko thinks that she is finally moving on, however, Ren comes back into her life . . . as one of her managers.

Look at the bright and happy Kojiro!!

Calling her to thank her about writing her thoughts about the manga he’s editing

Look at how happy she is being with Kojiro!

I’d say that this drama is not for the lighthearted and is not the typical rom com with all that fluff. This drama carries a lot of dark emotions and deep, psychological subjects. It’s that type of drama where you think is really . . . off-putting at some points, but then you can’t help but keep watching it. You want to know whether Kyoko will change. That’s what’s making me watch it.

Actually, Kojiro and Kyoko are more similar than at first glance. Kojiro also likes to say “a person like me” and feels inferior to this woman who he seems to like/have some attachment to. He keeps avoiding this woman’s texts and calls like how Kyoko is avoiding Ren’s constant unknown number calls. I think they’re both trying to move on with their lives, but some other figures are pulling them back. I hope Kyoko and Kojiro will mature together.

  Issue 1: Whether it was reasonable for Kojiro Yoshizaki to criticize Ogawa Kyoko during a gokon

Jubiemon J: Yes! It was totally reasonable for him to criticize Kyoko. Kyoko needed someone harsh to tell her that she was being stagnant and somewhat arrogant for thinking that she could just stay the way she was and expect anyone to love her. Kyoko made this huge outburst (she often does b/c she’s not very good at communicating and hence bottles up her thoughts for too long until she can’t contain them) during the gokon. She was trying to clarify to the people at the table that she wasn’t in love with Ren. Ren was the one that caused her to be unable to be in normal relationships and that anyone that could accept her flaws would be good enough for a normal romance. Kojiro gave her more perspective by challenging what she said.

Changing her order to please her friend

Judging her weak behaviour…

Bursting out with some explanation about how anyone will do

Criticizing her

Kojiro points out that she’s a pushover. Though she wanted tequila, she ended up with the Chicago after her friend told her that she should order that. She also loves her job, yet she ended up agreeing with one of the guys at the table that she’d rather be a housewife, for the sake of being scared of voicing her opinion. However, Kojiro does end his speech with a “just kidding”, to make the atmosphere not so awkward. We all know that he’s being serious though. He finishes his speech by saying that he said all those things because that was what the book that she had said to do. (A self-help book that was supposed to help her improve her communication skills fell out of her purse during the dinner.) The book happens to be one that the publishing company that Kojiro works at published.

Overall, I think Kojiro is a good influence on Kyoko and I’m excited to see their relationship develop more.

Issue 2: Whether it was reasonable for Kojiro to avoid Kyoko at first

Jubiemon J: Definitely! After Kojiro scolded her at the gokon, she ended up confessing to him. She barely even knows the guy! Plus, she was asking him for his address while clinging onto him. That was pretty freaky.

Kyoko confessing that she wants to be like him who is able to order Oolong tea.

She wants to exchange emails.

She says no, I want your address. I like you. Please date me.

Kojiro running off – basic instincts. Fight or flight.

I’m glad that he didn’t immediately accept her because I think in the real world, you wouldn’t do that unless you’re really interested in just sleeping with her. He can sense that there’s something off about her, so it’d be best to run away and try not to see her again. I’m also glad that he didn’t accept her because that way it’d push Kyoko to try to improve herself so that he will not be scared of her. If he had, it’d be a repeat of Kyoko x Ren.

Issue 3: Whether Ren is pretty messed up

Jubiemon J: Ren is totally messed up. His traumatic childhood has led him to become a manipulative, insecure mastermind. We see in ep 2 that he was abused as a kid where his dad would threaten to stab him. Subsequently, he acts that out in real life when he’s “trying” to protect this female co-worker from this ex-lover of hers. He is happy when he sees people at their worst, whether it be in fear, upset, or frustration. Ren honestly preys on the weak and needs to have control over everything, from his work to his personal relationships.

The main reason for this need for control is, again, from his childhood. He didn’t have any control; like I said, in the manga, he was choked until he peed his own pants. It’s only when he has control does he feel secure; it’s sort of like how Kyoko needs that braided scarf to calm her down and ground her. Instead of a scarf to chain him, Ren needs to chain others/situations.

Kyoko: I never said that I’d go meet you tonight . . .

Ren: You never forgot about me right?

Kyoko: I’ve forgotten about you.

Ren: Then what’s that scarf? 

Moreover, his childhood has made him insecure, in the sense that he doesn’t believe that anyone will actually fully love and accept him. That’s likely why he made Kyoko do something so extreme like strip in front of a crowd or in the manga, sleep with his guy friend. He wants to test her boundaries, yet when she does agree to his request, he can’t stand that she is “tainted” and is also afraid that someone will completely accept him. If someone does wholeheartedly love him, then he’d likely fall for her. If that’s the case, then he’d lose control over the situation; his feelings won’t be in control. He can’t stand that.

He can’t take losing control and that’s also why he keeps stressing to Kyoko that she doesn’t need to change. She just needs to remain as is. It’s like that classic story of someone caging a golden bird, not allowing the bird to fly free. Thus, when Kyoko is looking to improve herself, Ren keeps putting her down and creating situations where Kyoko will “have to” rely on him. We’ve seen how he purposely put her to work with a challenging designer because he knows that Kyoko wouldn’t be able to take the designer’s constant backlash. She’d have to rely on him. She surprises him by succeeding and though he does praise her, he later creates a situation where Kyoko is vulnerable again.

Ren: People never change.

Kyoko crying . . .

Props to Mukai Osamu for taking on this challenging role as Ren. I didn’t think Mukai Osamu did great as George in the movie adaption of Paradise Kiss, but in this drama, wow . . . he really has outdone himself! I’m talking about his micro expressions and subtle actions that totally show Ren’s darker side. Watch his eyes and his sly smile when you watch this drama. You’ll totally get the creeps and Muaki Osamu is really like the Ren in the manga.

Look at that creepy stare.

King of sinister smiles

Scary look again

The real Ren in action

Disgusting friend . . . he’s terrible (even worse in the manga)

Friend’s comment about Ren’s nose job makes Ren super mad. (Friend said he should get a nose job himself to become as popular as Ren with the ladies. This also implies Ren’s nose was broken due to abuse.)

Seriously . . . a very evil, enraged stare. This is the real Ren, people.

Props to Yoshioka Riho for doing her best as Kyoko. Though she’s not 100% like the Kyoko in the manga, she still does a great job with portraying awkwardness. She has also been good at being someone with low self-confidence; you see her with her back always slouched and head down.

Conclusion: Appeal Allowed.

Rating: 5 = KYAH!! (I know this drama has dark/potentially disturbing content that’s not for the faint-hearted, but I think the way the cast has dealt with the characters and the way that the drama has tried to be true to the manga have been great. This drama just keeps you wondering what’s going to happen next and whether Kyoko will really escape Ren.)

File No: You-Always-Haunt-My-Heart-Eps-1-&-2 Appearing before The Dramacourt: You Always Haunt My Heart Eps 1 and 2 ***If this is your first time browsing The Drama Files, please read 

[peachymess]

Do u have armin/eremin/EMA headcanons for isayamas high school au BC I would LOVE to hear them

As a loyal slave to canon, my mind won’t actually produce original content of what “could be” (unless prompted), and instead just sits there and waits for more content to file under “canon”. So I’d have to make up headcanons on the spot, but I’ll give it a try for you, anon (if you want me to be promoted on any specific aspect, hmu and I’ll do my best with it) ;) Though, first of all, I’d like to link you to an answer I did on Armin’s taste in music. At the end, I talk about one particular headcanon that I do have about modern canon AU Armin (eremin) and it’s my favorite one: have a look.

Armin headcanons: - He was a scout when he was younger, and now works as the adults’ right hand at his old summer camp every summer.- He likes roller skating (and ice skating). - He writes poetry and short stories but is too shy to tell anyone. - He has a dream of becoming a mangaka himself but he doesn’t feel like he’s any good at drawing (which is why he picked up writing instead, because he has confidence in his ability to at least come up epic plots, damn it!)Eremin headcanons: - Armin gets Eren into a manga/anime and he regularly drags him along to the school library to read it. They also start having regular movie nights (watching anime for the most part). - The canon canon-verse details of Eren and Armin studying together also goes for the modern AU. - Armin looks at Eren like an anime hero badass come to life due to how Eren beat up Jean on their first meeting.- Armin likes pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose like an anime character, because he feels cool and he hopes Eren notices it and thinks the same. - After EMA parts ways after their first meeting - and AM don’t see E again for the rest of that day) - Armin can’t stop thinking about the anime hero that came out of the blue and saved him, and that day after school he draws a small manga strip about it.- The very next day, Eren walks up to Armin when he sees him, and Armin’s a little blown away by the fact that Eren instantly treats him like they’re friends now; Armin had half expected that Eren would either never be seen again and remain a mysterious legend, or that he’d be too cool to be anything but a “bro nod when they pass in the hall” sort of acquaintance. - Eren is the first one to suggest hanging after school, and he’s secretly nervous about inviting Armin over to his house (he doesn’t quite know why either, but it’s a mix of thinking he’s making a different sort of friend, and that Armin’s eyes makes him feel funny somehow).EMA headcanons: - Mikasa comes along to the eremin library trips and she reads spell books next to them.- After a short but intense period of boding quickly and deeply, EMA takes to following each other to classes. They walk through the halls like badasses, shoulder to shoulder. They won’t admit it, but they put on a tough face and walk with confident steps because they imagine themselves as an unbeatable trio walking away from explosions. All three of them doing it somewhat as a way of protecting themselves from low self-esteem, showing to everyone that “idgaf” when all three of them low-key gaf so hard. - EMA have code names for each other. - When EMA aren’t in the same classes, they write notes to each other and hand them to each other when they meet in the halls.

[dangkinronpa]

headcanons for shsl mangaka ryouta who was in a poly relationship with tsumiki and the imposter

heres ur headcanons, ryouta! i hope u like them, and let me know if u want anything changed! ill be happy to do it for u! - mod kiibo - when ryouta first met tsumiki, it was because of the imposter, in a way. they introduced the two of them, and although ryouta wasnt exactly comfortable having her in the room with him and the imposter, pretty soon both of them began to connect due to their low self esteem. ryouta ended up being pretty glad the imposter wanted him to meet a new friend - even though the imposter worries quite a bit about ryoutas health, they also cant help but feel glad that ryouta has given them a chance to impersonate him, since it means the imposter can talk to ryouta more. not only does this mean the two can talk more, but it also gives the imposter a chance to try and be themself, and generally both parties benefit - ryouta would pretty much drown himself in his manga, and he would forget to eat and sleep more often than he would like to admit, so tsumiki and imposter start to make it a habit of theirs to check up on ryouta and make sure hes taking care of himself. they stay near him, too, just in case anything bad happens while he rests - when ryouta first began to realize he really liked both tsumiki and the imposter, he knew there was no way he could let them know. besides, they could have anyone in the world. why would they choose him? ryouta really doesnt understand why they keep coming back, and a part of him wonders if theyre both as lonely as he gets - the imposter was the one that sat everyone down and had a group chat about their relationship with one another, and the three of them finally came to a conclusion that they should go out with one another. ryouta was very embarrassed, but he was also incredibly happy. of course, he wasnt sobbing in joy like tsumiki, but he was pretty close - whenever ryouta was in the mood, tsumiki and the imposter would bring him paper and let him draw whatever he wanted for them. ryouta had no problems with this, and often liked to draw the two of them little stories that he thought they would like, such as the story of a shy nurse finding love or the story of someone finding their true self - eventually, when ryouta got comfortable enough to show the imposter and tsumiki works he was planning on selling, he was amazed at the overwhelmingly positive feedback the two gave him. after that point, he would try to show him his works whenever they asked, and they would always reassure him that what he made was amazing - on ryoutas birthday, the imposter walks in with frosting stains on their clothes and tsumiki walks in with cake all over her, tears in her eyes, apologizing profusely. when ryouta gets confused and asks what happened, they has to explain that the imposter bought him a birthday cake, but tsumiki tripped and fell on both the imposter and the cake - on stressful days, ryouta likes to call tsumiki and the imposter into his room so that the three of them can curl up together and relax for a little bit. he doesnt do this very often, though, since he tries to work through his stress. its still nice to curl up in warm blankets and surround urself with two people u really love, though, so he enjoys these days despite the stress - ryouta is incredibly glad to have tsumiki and the imposter in his life. with the two of them around, it helps him remember that there are people who care about his safety and well being, and only ask for the same amount of care in return (or even less in tsumikis case). even if hes trying not to smile, ryouta just cant help it whenever theyre around

[freewilllife]

“Hi, it´s me again :)

I might have, unintentionally, offended Hak fans in my earlier post about him being an “empty” character and I am sorry about that :(

In fact, as I started to watch the anime I came mainly for the story of Yona and Hak, or at least what I was expecting. I was really in my rare mood of reading an intense fluffy romance.

However, I was surprised that there was actually no true “Hak and Yona story”. And that´s both positive and negative I guess. 

Positive because of the variety of the plot. It´s  a rich story that offers more than a childish shojo fluff. And that explain why many of shounen fans are also followers of Akatsuki no Yona.

Negative because, unlike a story where the two main characters grow up together emotionally and personality wise since they are both the focus of the story. At least at the beginning, Hak can pass for a secondary character. That means if he dies, the story can continue just fine.If it was another kind of literature, we could have just imagine an angsty love story -a-la-Romeo-and-Juliet between king Sowoon and princess Yona and that would totally make sense (I absolutely don´t ship them but I find the parallel thingy so creative).

I think, this is where the mangaka made a mistake. She made Hak as a “puppet” main character, that serves for fan service and shipping. Or she seemed to have splitted the main male protagonist into Sowoon and Hak and didn´t know what to do with Hak.

Anyway, this is my first objective perception. The manga keeps going. I hope that the mangaka can find inspiration and give each character their fair chance of the story. They are all amazing :)”

Hi,

I do think that your perception does not differ that greatly from my perspective. Hak is really a character that has many features the usual hero in a shojo manga has:

Handsome, intelligent, the strongest guy in the entire manga without a good reason…

I mean, even if we all read the same manga, we do see different things.

However, I would say that he is a far more complex character than it may appear at the first glance. I would like to show my reading of his character, if you want...or course you could it also read it later, since this will be most likely a spoiler….

Hak is generally a character I was pretty uninterested for a long time until I read one or two chapters that changed my mind. Though I do still think that he is still a character that needs to be explored more by the mangaka!

I am well aware that this is my subjective reading of his character and there are other interpretations out there…but here I go…

I have to warn you ahead…I won´t pay much attention to the romance, but more to the relationship between the three mains regarding Hak´s character analysis! I will try to address the issue chronologically! Naturally!

part I: Since his childhood Hak has a pretty low self-esteem due to his adoption!

In chapter 4 the mangaka showed the event, where Soo Won, Hak and Yona became friends. Yona is about 6 years old and Hak and Soo Won are 9 years old. All three fell sick and both Soo Won and Hak defend King Il…All three wish for the friendship, (especially Soo Won…)

This is most likely the source of Hak´s low self-esteem, since he shows here clearly that he doubts the feelings of his grand-father for him. Immediately mentioning that he is not related to Mundoek by blood! (I heard that this actually happens pretty often with children who were adopted: That they have trouble with self-esteem!)

part II: Hak and Soo Won are part of a team…One half of a whole…

I think that Hak and Soo Won are constructed that they are both one half of a whole…two people who share a great resemblance, but are also in some parts  complete opposites…I can only shortly hint, since I would another full post to explain in every detail, what I mean…so let´s make it short:

Hak and Soo Won become each other´s aim: a catalyst for growth!

Chapter 60: Young Leaves in the Wind:

It is the chapter where Yona is captured and both Soo Won and Hak are able to rescue her by working together!

Hak and Yona learn that Hak is actually a person that is used to take care of others…Yona is still 6 years old, Hak and Soo Won are 9 years old

We can see that impressed Soo Won pretty much…I would say as much as that:

Soo Won is attracted to people who are strong and that is Hak…

Hak is impressed by Soo Won´s influence on people pretty soon! He can move people and just as much…Soo Won is impressed by Hak´s abilities: He is strong, dependable and cool! That´s exactly what Soo Won wishes to be!

At the end they both decide to become each others aim!

Finally, somebody is reaching Hak regarding his low self-esteem! Soo Won is looking at him!

And Soo Won is a person Hak admires himself and that guy wishes to become like him!

Hak wishes to become worthy! He starts to train and learn!

At the age of 13 years Hak defeats Geuntae and wins the annual tournament!

Geuntae realizes that a new wind is blowing! This applies to both Hak and Soo Won! (Sorry I couldn´t find the chapter unfortunately!)

part III: Hak is threatened to lose his aim and the beginning of the illusion!

chapter 125: This scene is clearly an example how can a few words actually shatter a dream. Hak and Soo Won must be about 13 years old here. Around the time he has won the tournament.

 I think that Hak most likely still wished to be Soo Won´s equal and he realizes that he has feelings for Yona or he would not ask! He is unsure and most likely is aware that Yona likes Soo Won…but he still cannot fully give up or he would not ask…That is my interpretation…

Now Hak does not realize that Soo Won has already changed:

I think that Kusanagi changes the appearance of the characters if a change has occured within them: Remember Yona cut her hair, when she decided to live her life!

That means Soo Won has already changed: He has now long hair and wears showier clothes while Hak still appears in the clothes of years ago…He has still the same mindset, but Soo Won doesn´t anymore!

Soo Won most likely already knows:

That King Il killed his father…

Why his mother had to die…

Who he is

That he will kill his uncle one day

And Hak interprets Soo Won´s strange behaviour and answer, where he actually tried to avoid the answer..as something completely different! Soo Won does not wish to face him here!

Hak misunderstands and thinks Soo Won is somebody he cannot reach…

“In the future even if I would no longer be able to walk beside you as your equal..”

That means Hak is threatened to lose his aim…

Now Soo Won has to become king! He stands above him!

part IV: Hak meets Jae ha and expresses for the first time that he wishes to travel (chapter 182.5)

Surprisingly Hak still didn´t stop to try it, even though he is already afraid that he won´t reach Soo Won anymore…

Hak is also already aware that he loves Yona, but he more or less has started to give up before even trying…even though he still seems unwilling to do so…

Hak finds his weapon and meets a person that gives him a taste of the wide world…and of possible stronger people that exist…

Hak knew that he loved Yona way before…

part V: Hak´s change: Hak accepts his position as the Wind Tribe General!

chapter 3: Hak finds a new aim by being Yona´s bodyguard and King Il becomes his master.

We can see here, in chapter 3, where Hak may be 15 years old, that his low self-estem hasn´t changed, when he grew older…or more he fell back, after he was further at some point. Hak is aimless and drifting. He doesn´t know what to do at that moment regarding his future.

I think that it is not an accident that the mangaka placed it here. It shows that Hak doesn´t know what to do with himself…He is moody and partly seems pretty upset.

Instead of attending the meeting, he refuses. He doesn´t wish to be Soo Won´s equal anymore…seeing Yona must be painful for him…He decided to not even try…

In addition, Hak doesn´t wish for further influence. He fears the conspiracies of the nobles. Hak is not that interested in politics. He is a person that is more interested in certain people he cares for….A clear difference in comparison to Soo Won!

That it is actually after the event above, we can see that he now addresses Soo Won by “Lord Soo Won”

Hak is clearly jealous here and he wishes to separate himself from her…but it just doesn´t work…If he cares for people, he cares for them…

Yona has won him over…he can clearly see the light in her…and the strength Soo Won is still not able to see…

Hak accepts the responsibility that comes with protecting Yona. He announces his position!

And he also can see the strength in King Il..they become both his new masters, because he can not leave them alone…

and that is the moment he most likely gave up his dream to ever reaching Soo won…to vow Yona completely.

chapter 134,5 : Later Hak changes his attire as well to fit in his new position as Wind Tribe General!

Hak still shows that he cares about Yona, mentions that to Soo Won and seems to already wishing to get them together…But Soo Won doesn´t see and tries to distance himself from the other two…

part VI: The illusion

Hak wished for Soo Won to be king and for Yona to have the person she loves (He just doesn´t ask Soo Won, what he intended…)

chapter 11: Hak tells Soo Won that he wishes for him to marry Yona and become king…He even tells him that he only will recognize him, if he does so…

part VII: The masks fall…A broken illusion

Chapter 2: Soo Won betrays both Hak and Yona and both cannot believe what happens…

It is interesting that Hak finally draws near Soo Won again…He stops calling Soo Won “Lord” and addresses him merely by his name!

This time Soo Won faces him, yet avoids him again…

Hak most likely is still under shock at that moment…just like Yona…

I think it is pretty important, that Hak asks that question…Because…yup…it was an illusion he saw…

We know of course, what Soo Won meant, when he said: That he was never the Soo Won he knew…

[arirna]

The exploration of Tsukuyo’s character arc

I want to start this meta by saying this – I love Sorachi Hideaki! He is one of the best mangaka in the industry and I am so glad that despite everything he managed to keep Gintama alive in the industry where corporate heads prefer to prioritize money over original ideas and artistic freedom.  

Instead of going for typical “hero’s journey” narrative where everything serves to progress main character’s power trip, Sorachi tells more introspective story. At first glance, Gintama is not that different from any shonen manga: it has its big fights, heartfelt speeches about power of comradery, the Main Villain of the Arc narrative, etc. However, there is something more going on in this story. Unlike other manga that tend to focus solely on the Main Protagonist (or at best the MC and his closest friends/rivals), Gintama uses the fact that it doesn’t have the main goal that characters want to achieve (or does it?) and takes its time to focus on every character in this story. Everyone has the time to shine in Gintama, but there are certain characters who receive much more focus than the others do.

These characters serve for Gintama in three ways – they progress the main plot, they serve as the way for Sorachi to explore certain themes and their character arcs help Sorachi to structure Gintama in a certain way. Gintama isn’t just chaotic parody galore – it’s a very carefully structured narrative but instead of using the main plot to make us invested in it, Sorachi uses his characters to make this job done.

While we can clearly understand that the focus of the story is Yorozuya trio, they are not the only main characters of Gintama – you can actually see the whole main cast in this last poster.

And I want to talk about one of these characters in particular – the one character who sparked a lot of controversy in this fandom – Tsukuyo.

Tsukuyo joined this story at that moment when Gintama’s narrative started to switch its gears by finally establishing the main subplots in its serious arcs. And it’s very interesting that the huge amount of foreshadowing and build-up is concentrated in what some people call Yoshiwara trilogy – three serious arcs set in Yoshiwara district that are used to set up Yato subplot, political subplot and the main conflict of the series – masters vs their students.

Therefore, it is not surprising that like Yoshiwara district itself Tsukuyo received a lot of attention in Gintama.

Tsukuyo first appeared in Yoshiwara in Flames arc, where she was introduced as Shinigami Tayuu (which translates to Death God Courtesan) – as for every other Gintama character with a nickname, this title is a huge part of her identity and what it means for Tsukuyo will be thoroughly explored during her story.

At first, she was set up as one of the antagonists of this arc, but her first confrontation with Yorozuya immediately turned into typical comedy routine. From this first interaction, it was pretty clear that Tsukuyo is not as cold and ruthless as she wants to appear to be, as she willingly participated in Gintoki’s shenanigans by trying to make him look better in front of Hyakka.  

Basically, Yoshiwara in Flames serves as her introduction. The main focus of this arc is Hinowa, Seita and Hosen subplot. But, while Hosen died at the end and Hinowa and Seita became simple background characters (who make pretty frequent appearances), Tsukuyo and Kamui were newcomers, who were going to stay in the spotlight for much longer.

And even in this arc she received a significant amount of screen-time, because this arc sets up severeal things that will be important in future chapters of Gintama – Tsukuyo’s low self-esteem and extremely strong sense of duty towards Hinowa and Hyakka (which will be explored in Red Spider arc), her backstory serving as a parallel to Gintoki’s backstory (Red Spider arc will elaborate on this even more and then Four Devas and Courtesan of a Nation arc will make it even more obvious).  And another interesting set up - her interactions with Gintoki himself, which are very intriguing from the very beginning.

After Tsukuyo saved Yorozuya from fall during Yato attack, she and Gintoki had a talk about inner freedom of self, which is a very important moment for these two.

Both of them are stuck in their respective cages, where they seat willingly. Gintoki thinks of himself as some sort of monster, a lowly thug whose purpose is to protect people around him, even if it leads to his death (he calls himself Shiroyasha or, sometimes, Shinigami). And Tsukuyo also thinks of herself as a damaged person, a lonely guardian, whose sole purpose too to protect people around her (her nickname is Shinigami Tayuu).

Yet Gintoki tries his hardest to keep going, to look for the sun that will shine upon his path in life, so he could keep on living. This bonding moment kickstarts Tsukuyo’s journey to self-discovery and this is when she decides to join Yorozuya in their efforts.

After this Tsukuyo have another bonding moment with Gintoki, when he asks her to give him her kiseru, so she could come back to him alive, if she wants to keep smoking. These two scenes set up how their relationship will progress further in the story.

The next big scene is for Tsukuyo alone. She faces her subordinates from Hyakka - not willing to fight them but ready to die to protect Hinowa, Seita and Yorozuya from danger. We see that she believes herself to be a coward who was not capable to break her own cage and was hiding behind her duty as Shinigami Tayuu to protect herself. But, unknowingly to her, her strong resolve makes Hyakka to rethink their way of life. They decide to risk everything and break out of their own cages to protect Yoshiwara, Hinowa, Seita and Tsukuyo from Hosen’s rule.

And this is when we discover that Tsukuyo has a different nickname. Her people call her the Moon of Yoshiwara.

Her involvement in this arc ends with her helping Gintoki in his fight with Hosen. She appears together with Hyakka to protect Yoshiwara from danger and Gintoki proudly states that the sunlight finally appeared in Yoshiwara. And then the sun itself appears to destroy the old King of the Night. So the Sun and the Moon could shine in the skies of Yoshiwara.

Thanks to Yorozuya, Tsukuyo discovers that she is now willing to fight not only for Hinowa but also for all the women living in Yoshiwara. She is now free from her cage and she finds new friends in Gintoki, Kagura and Shinpachi.

But not all of her problems were solved in that arc

While she found a new will to live and protect, her low self-esteem didn’t disappear anywhere. And her newfound duty still seems pretty suicidal in its nature. She still doesn’t believe herself to be worthy of her own happiness. She still thinks of herself as a broken person, who cannot even consider herself as a woman.

And all these issues are brought up in the next Yoshiwara arc called Red Spider. 

This arc is an amazing example of Sorachi’s amazing writing skills. What appeared to be a simple story arc about Tsukuyo, actually foreshadowed the central plotline of this story – the relationship between teachers and their students.

This is when Sorachi makes it clear that Tsukuyo’s character arc serves not only thematic purpose in the narrative. It foreshadows Gintoki’s journey of self-discovery and recovering from horrible past related to his own teacher. 

Although the fact that these two paralell each other was already obvious, if you want to look at their character designs because they compliment each other very well

Red Spider arc is very important for both of these characters. It’s a story about being able to face yourself and carry your burden with the burden of others. It’s a lesson about finding strength in people surrounding you, it’s about realizing your self-worth and accepting your own identity.

A lesson that both Gintoki and Tsukuyo desperately need to learn.

But it all starts with a flashback – Tsukuyo cuts herself to abandon her womanhood and to embrace her role as a protector, while Jiraia muses about being the only one able to recognize the moon shining in the bleak darkness. 

This backstory explains why Tsukuyo has such low self-esteem and twisted mindset about her own role. Jiraia taught her to erase her identity, to become a vessel for her duty, to embody said duty. Jiraia lived this way for a long time. And this is what he wanted Tsukuyo to embrace.

The truth is Jiraia knows that this way of life is pure hell. He himself cannot handle the suffering anymore and that’s why he chose Tsukuyo as his successor. In this little stubborn girl he saw his own sister and himself, he saw the potential weapon he could use to end this suffering.

That’s why he chose to abandon her after his training to watch her and wait for an opportunity to strike.

And this watch has ended when Yorozuya entered the scene. After Yoshiwara in Flames Tsukuyo began to transform – she became more close with Hinowa and her subordinates in Hyakka, she became a big sister figure for Seita. She became dependent on these relationships. These people gave her comfort.

That’s what Jiraia couldn’t accept. His philosophy despises such things as friendship and love because they interfere with the duty; they turn his ideal vessel back into human.

The last straw for him was the fact that Tsukuyo continued her bonding with Gintoki and became closer to him. She started acting more silly and carefree. Despite her constant denial, she did not truly discard her womanhood.

But where Jiraia sees weakness, Sorachi sees the true strength. Tsukuyo’s compassionate nature, her kindness and bravery were always there – since the beginning. Even when she was a little girl, she already was brave enough to resist her abusers in Yoshiwara, to help Hinowa in every way she can. Jiraia didn’t create the Moon of Yoshiwara. She was this way long before she met him.

Ultimately, Jiraia’s teachings only scarred her, but even these scars she doesn’t hide but shows off proudly. Unlike him, she was strong enough to embrace her past and move on, but it’s Jiraia’s return that turns her back in the state of self-loathing and fear.

Jiraia attacked Gintoki as an act of revenge and the way to get under Tsukuyo’s skin – so she would blame herself for not being strong enough to protect him. He specifically stated that this fondness she feels for Gintoki is the corruption of her soul. It fills her with selfish wishes; it makes her question her identity as a simple protector, which is the biggest crime in the eyes of Jiraia. And these horrible words resonated with her. Despite being strong enough to save Gintoki from Jiraia’s final attack, when she ended up in his torture chamber, she immediately started hating herself again.

She was again ready to discard her own life, her sense of self just to protect everyone.

At this point it was really important to present an outsider’s point of view on Jiraia and Tsukuyo’s relationship – someone like Hinowa.  While Hinowa says that she’s grateful to Jiraia for training Tsukuyo and being there for her, she can’t help but think that the way he treated her not as a human, but as his own creation, made her so lonely and aloof in the first place.

And Gintoki too has a lot to say about this relationship. This arc was the first time when we see him so furious. Jiraia’s treatment of Tsukuyo struck a nerve with him, because it reminds him of his own past with Shouyo (and, oh boy, did it bite us in the ass, when it was revealed that Shouyo didn’t come much far from Jiraia in that regard).

That’s what inspires Gintoki to face Jiraia and that’s what makes his speech to Tsukuyo about being able to depend on others so heartfelt (if only he himself would learn this lesson!!!!). Gintoki clearly cares a lot about her at this point and the way this scene was directed makes this moment between these two more intimate and special.

In this arc Sorachi presents us two points of view – Jiraia says that accepting your loneliness will make your heart strong, while Hinowa and Gintoki believe that having friends and loved ones by your side will help you carry the burdens in your life. It’s easy to guess with which point of view Sorachi agrees.

Sorachi makes it very clear that Tsukuyo’s love for Yoshiwara and Yorozuya made her spirit truly strong. And it helped her reconnect with her inner self and embrace her identity (including her womanhood).

That’s why, despite everything, in the end she was ready to forgive Jiraia and help him to move on. She was always strong enough to carry her master’s burden together with her own. This fact makes Gintoki and Zenzou admire and at the same time envy her strength, because both of them believe that they failed their teachers.

But this isn’t the end of the arc. This story ends with Gintoki and Tsukuyo bonding yet again. Shaken by the events that happened to her, Tsukuyo starts question herself and the way she lived her life, still harboring the feeling of self-loathing, but this is when Gintoki says to her that she should not worry. She should not be restricted by her past. Her scars change nothing. She has a beautiful face carrying a beautiful soul.

I absolutely agree with this statement.

This is when Tsukuyo enters the last stage of her journey of self-discovery. She accepted her past, found a reason to live, but now it’s time for her to move forward.

In Popularity Poll arc she gets to know the rest of the cast and, after this, she becomes a part of everyone’s shenanigans during lots of comedy arcs - making new friends and having more fun.

Courtesan of a Nation arc is the time where we can see Tsukuyo shine in full glory. What a beautiful development it was - to see Tsukuyo in charge of attack on palace, being able to trust Yorozuya, proudly calling herself a woman who will topple this nation!

She was able to avenge Suzuran and Maizo by dealing with Sada Sada herself and, together with her friends, she reunited these two under the beautiful silver moon.

And at the end of this arc it was pretty clear how alike both Tsukuyo and Gintoki are. Both of them were lonely broken people but all new relationships they build with others helped them recover and gave them strength to fight.

And her fondness for Gintoki grows more and more until Love Potion arc begins and we see a beautiful flower blooming inside of her soul.

Tsukuyo, at first, cannot accept the fact that she loves someone, especially a person who, she thinks, belongs to everyone. But helping Hotaru reunite with her love, made her realize that there’s nothing good in refusing yourself the right to feel these emotions. This time it’s Tsukuyo who teaches us a lesson – don’t be afraid to love, embrace it, because the flower of your soul can be so beautiful, you should give it a chance to bloom.

That’s what Tsukuyo chooses to do – she accepts her feelings but doesn’t act on them in consideration for Gintoki, so she won’t burden him. She is just happy being a part of his life.

After looking at Tsukuyo’s long journey, I can’t understand why many people were infuriated with what was said in Chapter 620 of Gintama. Sorachi just gave us a full summary of Tsukuyo’s development. 

She isn’t ashamed of being a woman anymore. She accepted the fact that she fights to protect not for some abstract duty, but for people she cares about. She made lots of friends and she fell in love.

I believe that Tsukuyo’s transformation from a lonely sad warrior, who was fighting alone against the whole world, while being almost crushed by all the pressure in her life, into strong, brave, kind and compassionate woman is one of the most beautiful things to witness in Gintama story.

And I wish more people view her the same way Hinowa and Yorozuya do.

She is a beautiful person with a beautiful soul.

[andyfliz]

I Am a Hero

I Am a Hero

Hideo Suzuki is a 35-year-old mangaka assistant, whose life seem to be stuck around his exhausting but low-paying job, unfulfilled dreams, strange hallucinations and unsatisfying relationships. He sees himself as a supporting character in his own life, has low self-esteem, resulting in frustration. One day, the world as Hideo knows it is shattered by the presence of a disease that turns people…

[asiandramastoke]

Movie Rating: 7/10

Hibino Tsubaki is a high school student who has a low self esteem and tends to dress like an old-fashioned lady. Due to this, she is often teased in school. Despite being occasionally bullied, she has a talent for styling other people’s hair but not her own since she does not have the confidence to make herself look pretty. One fateful day, her life makes a hundred and eighty degree turn when she gets herself involved with the popular Tsubaki Kyota. A boy who had commitment issues and yet seemed to be drawn to Tsubaki despite her odd personality.

As a manga adaptation, the movie wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. It was simple and cute but not really something to be excited about. In my opinion, it was pretty average… if only they could have replaced Matsuzaka Tori with someone better, I would have appreciated the movie much more. I’m deeply sorry to his fans, but I’m only trying to be honest with my own opinion. I feel like cringing every time I see him interact with Takei Emi, her acting is quite wasted alongside the guy. He would probably have done better if he removed the idol image in his role… then maybe I would have liked him more. I hope he has improved though, since this film was set last 2012.

Setting those comments aside, what I enjoyed about this film was the movie theme; that is in which the characters where trying to come into terms with change, finding their own path and deciding for their future. Sometimes I wish this was as simple as it is in real life… but then again, this is a shoujo manga adaptation, so maybe the mangaka artist was inspired by someone from reality.

Over all the story was really shoujou-ish, cute, fluffy and mixed with adolescent love-life problems. I did enjoy the music as well, it gave a good vibe throughout the movie, adding more cute to the already cute. I probably would not be re-watching this film, but I would recommend this to viewers who are looking for manga adaptations and hope they could pass their own judgement on the film, whether they compare it to the original or not.

PHOTOS ARE NOT MINE. CREDITS TO THE OWNER.

Love for Beginners (Japanese Movie 2012) Movie Rating: 7/10 Hibino Tsubaki is a high school student who has a low self esteem and tends to dress like an old-fashioned lady.