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Because I was now a man, I could not speak about what it was like to be a woman. Because I had been a woman, I could never really speak about what it was like to be a man. Do the math: I could not speak. It was a double erasure, a double bind, in which every experience I had was false, and so nothing I said was credible. I could no longer derive authority from my experiences before transition, and shouldnât even cite them â I had never âreallyâ been a woman, so those things hadnât happened â but those experiences could always be weaponized against me to prove I wasnât âreallyâ the man I claimed to be. They call it erasure, when this happens. I wasnât prepared for how literal the term was. Every day, I could feel myself disappear.
â Eraserhead: On writer's block and being a gender traitor by Jude Doyle
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â iâm in love with a dying man

rating: mature. or explicit? iâm not sure. angsty study on grief in unconventional forms. (mild) smut purely for poetic reasons
word count: 4,1k
pairing: viktor x gn!reader
cw: terminal illness. several mentions of death. everyone is horny in a heartbroken way, so grab a napkinâbut not for the reasons you think. and yes, you may dox me for making you even sadder after whatever happened in ep 6.
â
He licks a tear off your cheek, and it seeps in between the bumps on his tongue, all prickly salt running down your face in two glossy trails of sorrow. Stinging, when his calloused thumb swipes over a puffy eyelid, only to inevitably fall to your lip and tug, nudging your mouth agape. His desperate grip softens when you oblige and arch, letting him grunt over the slope of your throat; wheezier than you remember, raw, rhotic and ravenous. The hard shift of his lungs is palpable under your hand, ruckling heavily in his sternum. It almost breaks down to a cough when he cants his hips into you, slanting one last slow, weak slam. Spilling all his pent-up frustration deep inside you through that bitter orgasm, leaving a clumsy mess of stickiness to dry on your inner thigh. Stilling for you to hold him through that collapse, grateful for the shaky hand that you firmly fist into his hair. Not receding until at least a few kisses are strewn upon your shoulder.Â
Itâs always like this now. Viktor clings to you, and you cling to him, nails digging into handfuls of him hard enough to draw blood, each embrace so tight your ribs might just break if he doesnât retreat in time. And god does he wish to let it linger, to drag it out until eternity tumbles inâeven if his eternity is reduced to a question of mere months at best, even if he must crawl out of a casket to have your touch back.Â
The night you almost lost him still has you in shambles. You remember it all too wellâhell, itâs almost like that acute smell of hospitals and doom still coats his skin, more slimline than it ever was, its once ivory shade fading to chalk-like disaster. The utter horror of crushing verdicts, endless heaps of bloodied handkerchiefs and palms so cold that even the heat of your breath fails to make the feeling of him any less chilling.Â
The dark humor of sneaky death: sheâs right around the corner, the cruelest of all mistresses. Ready to snatch him away whenever your fingers ghost over his spine, stroking a languid count over each prominent vertebrae. And no matter how tight you curl up beside him, she will supplant you, and her proximity canât be measured in miles, feet, or inches. Because death is a termiteâshe gnaws at his very heart. And blooms metastases everywhere you still have him. Sheâs inside him. Sheâs merged with him into one.
At first, you denied it. Knuckles drummed against the wall in a frustrated fistfight, painting that scabrous canvas bright with your frustration. White and crimsonâthe speckled pattern of your hysteria. You recall how bad it stung, and how shame creeped up your spineâfrightening and so, so sticky. Throttling, when he tended to that self-inflicted disaster, bandaging your smashed hand in motions sick to the core with gentleness.Â
And it felt so ugly. Like youâve grown to loathe everything around you: the doctors, for their disgusting prognosis; life itself, for being hardly fair. And even Viktor. Especially himâfor slowly slipping out of your pale-knuckled grip. Well, red-knuckled, more like. That angry stunt did cost you a decent injury. White and crimson, remember?Â
Naturally, grief doesnât always progress by the book. However, denial always comes first. Itâs an axiom, an invariable component, and youâre sitting on Viktorâs hospital cot, hand in trembling hand, eyes snapped wide and ferocious. Wrapped up in fear while the silence rings in your ears.Â
His doctor addresses the quandary. It doesnât feel viciousâat least, not yet. Flimsy, more like. Deceptive, too. Like if you just blink it away hard enough everything will snap right in place, and youâll find yourself at home againâwhere that aseptic smell of medication canât reach either of you.Â
Well, of course, thereâs always a possibility of postponing the inevitable. Winning over a year or, even, twoâif Viktorâs lucky enough, that is. But you both know that heâs lacking in that department.
And yet, you grab your little hope by the throat: to look into later, when your comprehension is intact again. Surely, itâs just not plausible: so what if Viktorâs cough pulls you out of sleep every night, so what if every shirt he owns has tiny blood stains on it? Yes, he spends more time in bed than he does at the lab. Heâs simply tired. He needs the rest. Not in peace.Â
The retraction doesnât linger, though. It survives a few more blood tests and a lengthy, dreadful discussion of his calamityâmost strikingly frightening when the doctor talks him through each option. And not a single one manages to appease you. To stop your fury from retching out and causing an ugly scene.Â
So you fling the door to his room ajar and leap inside with a bitter scowl, teeth gritting hard enough to crumble into powder. Arms a tight crisscross over your chest, step wide and listlessâpunctuated with a muffled clack of heels. Viktorâs eyes follow your tremulous circlesâa lazy, sheenless flick of pupils, each widened into a bleak void from the rancid dose of painkillers. He lays supine, with his hair ineptly slicked back, umber waves awry, loose and sweat-damp. Heâs almost mellow, tongue barely a glide over his chapped bottom lipâa martyr-like stiffness, the carrion of a man.Â
But you donât look at him. You pace, and pace, and paceâin that same tiring route, all around his creaky cot. Viktor rasps something indistinctâa muffled plea that tickles the back of his throat, rupturing yet another coughing fit. You silently hand him the speckled handkerchief.Â
He looks up, eyes the saddest shade of buckwheat honeyâdark with remorse; seeking comfort. But you donât have any to give. You stare past him, gnawing at your tongue hard enough to draw fleshy copper. Dodging the kiss he tries to press to your wristâpulling yourself back and out of his loving grip, igniting a staring competition full of glassy eye-daggering. Blink slow and borderline drowsy.Â
âMilackĂș,â he pleads. Pulls at the corner of his mouth to wipe the bloody evidence of his withering.Â
Your tear catches in your bottom lashes.Â
âMilackĂș,â he rasps again, kicking the blanket aside. Stepping one bare foot on the cool tiles and reaching for you: arms, legs, and heartâall yours for the taking. If only you consider crawling under his minty sheets again.Â
You donât.Â
âWhy?â Itâs so meek you barely recognize it as your own. Taut throat tightens even more, and, suddenly, youâre choking on a gasp. âWhy did you turn down the treatment?âÂ
âPlease, if you could justââ He husks, but you canât hear him through the ringing in your ears; the room already smudged into wattery, astigmatic lumps, Viktorâs face but a bunch of fuzzy dots youâre struggling to make out. All missing jigsaws, blurry little fractions.Â
âWhat did I ever do to you?â You yell, shielding your eyes. Turning away from the arm he extends, his weak fist clenching to grab thin air, then tumbling as he stares at his palm in sheer dubiety, upper lip trembling.Â
He winces. Ceases you by the hand and tugs as hard as it getsâfrail enough for you to easily nudge him awayâbut you donât bother this time. Your knees ungainly bend into shaky arcs, drifting apart when he clasps around you and pulls until you finally land on the sheets next to him, your tears mingling with his cold sweatâa salty fusion of mutual suffering.
Then comes a sequence of guttural, squealing whines and you stay twined with him for a while. Lithe fingers run through your hair, spreading to untangle an occasional knotted strandâup, and down, and over your shoulder in a caress. His lips purse on your temple, sucking an indistinct kiss. His heartbeat trails off under your fingertips the second you rake them over his thin hospital gown, growing frenetic again when you tug at the fabric, demanding closure.
âPlease. Please donât do this to me.â You exhale your choked up entreaty into his neck and it pours over his skin in a rigid breath, aftertasting of stinging desperation. His hand seeks your face, taking a forcefully gentle hold of one puffy cheek, drinking in your unsightly, woebegone rebuke. Looking at you like a repentant devotee, his timid eyes meeting your fierce ones.
âThis is not about you,â he wheezes, too stern for your liking. Presses his forehead against yours and holds you through yet another shudderâand thereâs no avoiding his pleading stare. âIâm not trying to get away from you. I merely want to escape my conundrum.âÂ
âThese arenât mutually exclusive, Viktor,â you hiss, voice simmering with betrayal.Â
âUnfortunately.âÂ
âUnfortunately?! Is that all you have for me right now?âÂ
âIâm afraid so.âÂ
He sighs like he means it. His words keep slipping away from him, drowned in coughs and ambiguous humms. You get it, though. Your semantics became sparse the minute Viktor almost died in your arms.Â
You melt into one-another in a teary, sniffling twineâsimply breathing, trading tense silences. His stately stance collapses into a lifeless hunch, straightening a bit only when your fingers billow over his shoulder-bladesâchiseled like ones of a famished dog. There are plenty of dog-like things about him nowâthe pleas lodged in his glances, the newfound hunger for your touch. Especially for the way youâre holding him; every embrace like a loving headlockâand the pressure soothes him.Â
âIâm tired of taking risks,â he finally whispers against your temple. âAll these⊠labored efforts for mere fractions of peace. Decaying steadily. Constantly hurting. Iâm spent.âÂ
âExactly. Which is why you need the treatment.âÂ
His lashes shudder against your cheek in a prickly tickle. They keep fluttering when he recedes, shaking his head with a bitter frown.
âBut its success is⊠highly improbable.âÂ
âYes, but thereâs still hopeââ
âItâs running thin as we speak. I shouldnât squander it on⊠the imminent.âÂ
Viktorâs irksome choice of words had you springing backwards in glossy-eyed delirium. Staring in disbelief as if heâd requested something inexorable: which he did, inherently so.Â
He curses when tears slice your face againâtends to them with the softness of a man most contrite of his omission, shaky hands already catching holds of your waist, using your temporary pliancy to swiftly nudge you into his cot. Curling up close enough to have your weeps reverberate in his sternum.Â
âIâm sorry,â he repents with a deep rasp. âPlease, donât cry.âÂ
He held you in reticence again: this time horizontally. Offered you every solace his body could provide: your fingers in his hair, fumbling mindlessly (he put them there himself). Tangled legs. Apologetic neck-kisses. His head heavy on your shoulder, its weight a welcome tranquility. And only when your last tear soaks his pillow does he commence with his explanation.Â
âI donât want to spend what little time I have left miserable,â he tells you, drawing a breath. âYes, the treatment might win me a yearâa year I would spend bedridden, nauseous, and weary. A travesty of life. An illusive salvation. Iâve had enough of those.âÂ
Your hand stills in his hair, nestled within unkempt strands. Youâve run out of tears, so this bitter truth is met with nothing but a piteous sighâthe only thing you can still master after crying your heart out into his skin. Now you can only stare at the ceiling, chewing on your cheek in cruel denial.Â
Heâs right. He always is.Â
Viktor sees the shift in your faceâknits his eyebrows together in tender pity, tucking himself firmly against your face. Wincing, when he feels the aching tension in your temple.Â
âI know Iâm asking a lot of you. Too much, even.â Heâs sincere when he says that, and you can sense the gratitude in his voiceâfor even allowing him to utter this excruciating of a thing, for attempting to understand.Â
You simply nod. Yes. It is a lot. But you want to hear everything he has to say.Â
So Viktor continues.
âI would hate for your last memories of me to be tainted with despair and hospitals only for all the struggle to go to waste when I inevitably pass away. I have no desire to postpone this torture at the expense of growing indifferent towards everything that makes me feel alive.âÂ
âBut what if we manage to cure you?!â
âThatâs too much of a âwhat ifâ to risk dying a grim death for. I want to dieâŠcontent. I want to enjoy myself before I do. Please. Donât take that choice away from me.â
His eyes brim at you with every ounce of guilt he possesses, big tears wallowing in his eyes like an earnest pleaâtacit, weary, earnest. Yes, itâs not like you have a word in his terrific decision, but Viktor wants your blessing. Itâs only right that he includes you. Even if heâs intending to refuse the treatment regardless. As absurd a bid as that is.Â
You clasp his face like itâs about to vanish. Like you wonât be able to make it out when heâs gone if you fail to remember it right this instant, your gaze frantically jumping from one feature to another, seeking to embroider the image into your very eyeballs. Roaming over the artifically-white hospital light hallowing every streak of his hair. Indulging in a bittersweet smile when you note how prettily it spills over the pillow. Lingering on the patterns in his ochre irisesâalmost fully swallowed by his void-like pupils. Observing how they match the insomniac, mauve shades under his bottom lashes. Tracing every convex little thingâtwo lovely moles, thick eyebrows, the pointy mouth. Everything youâve grown to love so dearly. Everything his illness keeps taking away from you.Â
You wince, cradling his cheeks, your thumbs dipping into the hollows of them gently. Urging him to scoot closerâeye to eye, lips on lips. Breath over shuddering breath.Â
âAre you sure?â You mouth the question on his skin, barely even uttering it. Hot pressure meanders into your head like a prickly impulse. Itâs timid like motion sicknessâborderline nauseating, tooâall murky splashes of trippy lights under your closed eyelids. And the unease is diluted only when he finally kisses youâan approbatory, guilt-ridden thing.Â
Heâs certain. And for that, heâs so, so sorry.Â
You try not to think of it, focusing on the feeling. No tongue, no teeth: just sheer tremor and so much rawness. A soft, soothing exhalation straight into your mouth like the gentlest of placebosâand yet, it works for you, slaps your pulse out of its frantic antics, and the stiffness slowly leaves your limbs under his touch.Â
When itâs over, he winces at you in that sleepy, adoring way of his. Attempts a wry, sad smile. The cold light besieges his head into an even clearer haloâa foreshadowing of what is to come, an inconspicuous little thing. But everything about him is conspicuous to you. Loving Viktor has made you wary, and you wanted to hold onto that attention to the detail before it eventually slips away alongside him.Â
 âAre you sure?â You repeat, tightening the inadvertent chokehold around his neck. The grip weakens only when he pulls away to clumsily clear his throat.Â
âYes.â And you know he means it when his face turns just as solemn as when he confesses his love to you.Â
âIâve had a nice life with you,â he adds, hoarsely. âI want it to feel nice when my time comes, tooâwhenever that might be. Sooner than later, I presume.âÂ
The figurative knife in your stomach twists anticlockwise.Â
âWill you stay with me?â He dares to inquire. Meek, shaky hope tingling in his throat. âFor however many months I have left?âÂ
And when you look up at him with a hurt frown, heâs reminded not to ask you rhetorical questions.Â
âÂ
A few days later, Viktor is discharged from the hospital and insists that you both go back to normal. Well, to the new, tainted definition of itâwhere one spoiled napkin less is considered an ephemeral improvement and grief is a fixed variable by your side.Â
Your slow-paced, quiet life that keeps turning even more timid in a frail attempt to savor whatâs left of it. Faux preservation, but he allows itâsavors it just as earnestly as you do, and your weeks weave into a darling, familiar routine. With some minor, necessary changes, no less: rest comes before the lab now, all deadlines fashionably late to accommodate this newfound tempo. Mandatory hourly breaks. Weekly check-ups. Four days off for every three he spends bent over the parchment. But this time, he doesnât protest. His body demands it, inconveniently so.
You donât tell anyone about your horrific arrangementânot yet, at the very least. Itâs all you can think about, and the words threaten to slide out every time you speakâbut youâre forced to swallow them with a smile so lopsided that everyone around you can only suspect the worst. A mantra of countless âWhatâs wrongâs irritating your ears with pure sincerity.Â
What is wrong with you, indeed? Youâre a spectator to deathânot just any death, but the one you dreaded most. And not only are you witnessing it in the making, but this decision was never forcedâyou handed Viktor the choice and accepted whatever he went with so obediently that it felt absurd, and it had your skin crawling every time someone vaguely mentioned anything even remotely related to his condition.
But theyâwhoever that refers toâcould never get it. They wouldnât know what itâs like: to be stripped of your selfishness for the sake of Viktorâs peace. Defying your needs. Forcing yourself to find relief in demise. You mightâve failed to intimidate her into allowing you to keep him, but you could still accompany him into her arms and make it glorious. Here it is. Your new, appalling reason. Itâs all that you want now.
Or is it?Â
Thereâs enough nobility in being his chaperoneâwelcoming him into bed every night, painfully aware that it can become his death one. Treating every new invention of his like a soon-to-be postmortem legacy. Mourning the living. Anticipating the inexplicable. Marking every shared kiss the last, just in case.Â
But then it cameâunabashed and sudden. That blurry line where mourning merges into something dubious, a confusing paradox that leaves you full of filthy carry-over somewhere within your gut. The scorch his lips engrave into the column of your neck. The way it ignites a swell you can almost convince yourself is actually tangible, running your fingers over it recursively like a tactile little prayer. The gaze he throws at you across the lab ever so sneakilyâa figurative punch that feels surprisingly close to a kiss. And you never resist turning it into one. Escalating. Claiming. Indulging those ambiguous, yet-to-be-defined things and having them wash over the remnants of your decorum.Â
You try to fight it when it first happens, but it doesnât last. Thereâs no place for restraint in griefânot when it turns into a beautiful desire to be all over him, to take everything life has to offer before he runs out of it. And Viktor doesnât judge you. He encourages it. He craves it, just as badâif not moreâthan you do. How many more undoings can he claim before the final one absorbs him? Youâve already lost that count. So much for having your love bleed on every inch of his skin.
Tonight you let it bleed mouth to mouthâa sweaty, heartfelt thing that commemorates your hunger for him in a kiss so dizzying that he has to lean back with a silent, breathless plea for brief interludeâfoggy eyes staring up at you so devotedly. Shuddering, when your arms wander over his chest to feel the rasp, pointed lips bruised full of spit-slick swell. Heâs a beautyâexquisite, albeit worn-down, his lines and angles blurring together into one eager, contourless essence, and you cage him in a firm straddleâyour bare thighs over his clothed onesâgrinding in a whiny attempt to reach him through his pants.Â
âIâm sorry,â you mumble, leaning back to let him breathe. Heâs sprawled out beneath you, tortuous hands already busy with tugging his tie offâimpatient, clumsily nervous. âI donât know whatâs gotten into me,â you say at last, averting your gaze almost shyly. His fingers lurch to your hip, locking it in a gentle cradle, stilling above your backside in hesitationâasking for a laze caress, pushing your flimsy limits. As if forgetting that you never set those for him. Or, perhaps, he simply likes hearing your excited âyesâ every time. You canât quite figure out which it is.Â
He grabs a handful of you with reverence, and yet thereâs something resilient about that gripâlike he dreads that you might slip through his fingers if he doesnât hold on possessively enough, staring up at you with his head thrown back in a curious, admiring droop. Aiming to dispose of your shirt in a nimble pull. Plotting a sequence of kisses from neck to collarbone.Â
You expect it when he rises on his elbows, then grips the bedframe to shift beneath you in a silly leap. Inelegant, but he couldnât care less, releasing his hips from the hedge of your legs to make you slide up his crotch insteadâa most welcome, brusque change that you adapt to in a squealing instant. Your moaning mouth agape under his grin. His hips thrusting through restraining fabric. Shaky. Erotic. With your arms tumbling astride his shoulders.Â
âDonât apologize,â Viktor insists in a lulling whisper, switching to a cautionary nip on your ear. âIâve missed you, too,â he confesses somewhere into your hair, brushing through it with a tip of his noseâbreathing you in through a tender whiff. Â
Your words get lost in a deep fluster, rolling back into your throat and lingering there in a suffocating lump. They have you stiffening, heavy eyelids squeezing shutâa voluntarily blindfold to help you explore him through touch only. An invitation to feel you where he pleases. And, wellâit just so happens that your whims align with hisâa cohesive, welcome collateral.Â
Viktor starts at the slope of your shoulder. Pulls the shirt down and traces that lovely curveâfingers first. Throws a brief, askance glance at your face to make sure that your eyes are closed, and, when met with the flutter of your lashes, gets back to his lovely tease. Tender, warm lips taste your skin with delicious, savoring sounds. Getting wetter when his tongue makes a fickle appearanceâleaves a slick, capricious lick in the dip of your collarbone, fluffy hair tickling your face when he bends to tend to your chest, tooâand you shiver as he sucks a plum love-stain that youâll proudly wear under your shirts.Â
âSee,â he cooes. âWhatever gets into you must be contagious.âÂ
You give in to a half-lidded peek and find him begging for your assistanceâa sweet request that you understand in half-nod. Arms up in the air and over your clouded head when he unleashes your skin from the thin garmentâthrows it on the floor for you to find later in the morning.Â
âBut it feels wrong.â You sigh. âEver since we found outâŠâ
âIâd rather you quit talking about that in bed, please,â Viktor reproaches, eyes heady with want. His fingers slide into your underwear, contemplating its fateâshould he make it join your shirt or pull it to the side in hasty fashion? Either approach had him shivering at the thought.Â
But the sudden sorrow stops the rush, rendering your urge for consolation. It wraps you around him all over again, legs locking in a tangle around his waist, drooping hands combing through his hair in a brusque, fervent tug. Seeking succor. Heart to heart and thumping an anxious march.Â
âIâm afraid,â you admit, but itâs not a revelation. All shuddering shoulders under his idolatrous caress, and you pang with guilt at that, tooâitâs you who should be fondling him this delicately, warm reassurance seeping into his earsânot yours. But Viktor wants to be your comfort. If anything, itâs the only thing on his mind.
âWhat are you afraid of, beloved?â A little shiver at the unforeign endearmentâa rare occasion. His thick brows still drawn together in a concerned arc. They relax only when you rake your fingers down his bodyâcounting ribs, toying anxiously. The hurry is gone, thereâs only caution now: his enamored eyes, waiting for you to find your slippery words.Â
âOf losing you before I get to show you how much I love you.â You whisper, suddenly tasting teary salt in your mouth. His thumb comes to the rescue, swiftly flicking the wet trails. So you chuckle at the affection in a silly stagger to bump sweaty foreheads together.
âNonsense,â he insists. âYouâre showing me right now.â
âIndeed.â You shrug. âBut⊠Is this the right way?âÂ
And when he puts your palm over his eager heartbeat, youâre reminded not to ask him rhetorical questions.Â
â
tags: @zaunitearchives @blissfulip @nausicaaandhermouth @thehistoriangirl @vyshnevska
#viktor arcane#viktor fanfic#arcane season 2#viktor x reader#arcane season two spoilers#viktor angst#viktor smut#viktor x reader smut#viktor x gn!reader#viktor x f!reader#viktor x m!reader#viktor x any reader really#not specified AT ALL#wrote this in severe writers block so please be nice to me#im serious ill cry#arcane fanfic#arcane angst#viktor arcane angst
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the cool depiction of older trey showing off his severed finger [prequel]
#man despite the horror of the concept he'd actually look so cool tho; how others would look at him pathetically or with pity#when they ask about it; but he looks so confident showing it off like he absolutely has no regret and did it pretty bravely#the kids at the block probably starting some rumour about it ; it becomes famous horror story among them and he just laughed it off#treyjade#trey clover#jade leech#fanart#twst#twisted wonderland#we know why jade stays young; but the image of normal old baker bagging some super model beautiful youngin#must make him seems so badass to outsiders; m a n !!
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yes okay goodnight
#m have some. shitty doodles bc art block is killing me#these took way longer than they needed to#rdr2#red dead redemption 2#arthur morgan#charles smith#charthur#fanart#pineart
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made a set ~
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in my fix-it everybody lived alternate universe kakashi is that girl on r/aitah whos training her boyfriend like a shelter dog
#treats for all his boyfriends in the right pocket treats for all his dogs on the left. sometimes he gets them mixed up . quote me#obitos design was rly fun to think about & sketch i imagine him only halfway returning from his fusion / evolution w the 10tails...#also unfortunately in the process of drawing this i realized asuma is fun .. to draw. im sorry women.#my art#kakashi hatake#obito uchiha#obikaka#obkk#lee post#asuma sarutobi#too i guess hes in this. kind of just bc every other one of kakashis peers are also being hand-fed treats & asuma would be the only#one to notice [negative] & not immediately be like great idea. no moral issues. so where is My peanunt m&m#yayyyyy comics yay blocking & practicing narrative illustrationnn yayy
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I don't talk abt it much on here but I crochet pretty much nonstop, this is the nicest thing I've made so far. super proud of it
#crochet#my crochet#sunflowers#m#it's That One sunflower granny square pattern#I sc'd them together and added a scalloped edge#not blocked yet n I'm not sure if I need to?
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kat's five-star agents of shield episodes (1/?) + @goosecovenâs may art event: get to know you night đȘż
"pasty? oh, really? well, when did you become so sun-kissed? because i'm pretty sure that every minute of every day, you've been stuck in a lab right beside me. at the academy, at sci-ops, this plane â you've been beside me the whole damn time!"
#agents of shield#marvel#tw: flashing gif#kat.gif#aosfaves*#aosedit#marveledit#marvelgifs#coven's may art night#useralethea#userlace#userkarolina#how is this get to know me? well this episode is my life so <3#and hi so! who knows if i'll finish this series but there are 15 other episodes just from seasons 1-3 alone that i've rated five stars on m#latest rewatch.....so who knows this could keep me fueled for ages#idk if i'll stick to the exact same format or if i'll just make a gifset per episode in some way shape or form#but i figured this would be a fun way to share my favorite episodes and get back into giffing!#sorry for the lack of daisy in these gifs i realized afterward that i didn't get any shots of her (blame my fitzsimmons mind especially#during this episode - foundational blocks are being laid <3)#also if that screenshot of my serializd review looks blurry....no it doesn't lmao#i gave up fighting photoshop#oh also sorry again for giving ward a feature hate his guts but itâs to complete the trifecta of making fun of him#oh oh and last thing#yeah i'm plugging my serialzd please i need friends there i'm so funny sometimes i promise#yapping over gifmaking comeback in full swing here i come
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tags: hurt/comfort. undefined relationship. reader is sad and overwhelmed. mentions of astarion's past, but no spoilers. gn!reader.
for the last 200 years, astarion has witnessed countless people shed tears, most often a result of his own actions. at some point, he took pains to push down the feeling it elicited in his chest, an unhappy method of self preservation.
two turns of the moon after your first encounter, he happens upon you in the forest one night, a few hundred yards outside of camp. the tears streaming down your face are strangely enchanting, reflecting the moonlight in an ethereal sort of way. wordlessly, he takes the spot beside you.
you hold one another's gaze silently, and he's struck by how divine you look, even in this state. or perhaps, especially in this state.
for you to show him your vulnerability willingly and without reserveâ he wonders briefly if the gods intend it as a lesson.
his heart wills him to speak, but the ways of comfort are lost on him. his hand moves to your face hesitantly, thumb wiping away the wetness below your eye.
"are you alright, darling?"
"no," you murmur.
"do you wish to speak of it?"
"no," you repeat weakly.
there's no need to. you're both keenly aware of the pressure on your party... of what's at stake should you all fail.
your head falls against his shoulder and you let out a long, shaky sigh. there's a ruthless tug in the center of his chest when he realizes he's all but powerless to stop the anguish you're feeling.
looking up toward the sky, a long forgotten sensation pricks at the corner of his eye. as your tears continue to fall, they seep through the fabric of his shirt, leaving a warm sensation against his skin.
and for the first time in nearly two centuries, sitting with you among the trees and the dirt, astarion allows that feeling in his chest to consume him.
bg3 masterlist
#m!writes#idk!!!! ive had the worst writers block so i forced myself to write something#this feels unfinished but im gunna send it anyway#astarion#astarion x reader#bg3#bg3 x reader#baldurs gate 3#baldurs gate 3 x reader
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adventures in sobriety
#coming out of some pretty bad art block and trying to keep the art gears greased so i can do commission work#ANYWAY. I THINK THINK THEY COULD MAKE IT WORK... them and their huge deaf bitey maine-coon that likes to be held like a baby#art#mash#m*a*s*h#father mulcahy#hawkeye pierce#hawkahy#m1nty fresh hall of fame
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If âmanâ and âwomanâ are opposed and mutually exclusive categories, if men can only ever be predators and women can only ever be prey, then trans men canât exist. We are logically impossible under the terms of the current system. You either âtreat us like menâ by voiding out half our lives, or you write us back into womanhood by denying our male identities. I knew all that, at least in theory, but when I came out, I actually saw my life story disappearing into other peopleâs blind spots. I watched myself become unthinkable in real time.
â Eraserhead: On writer's block and being a gender traitor by Jude Doyle
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#KABLAM#MURDER DRONES DUNN DUN DUUUUNNN#murder drones my belobed......#very messy art of her m just tryna figure out how these guys work#she caused me so much trouble PLEASE I JUST WANT ONE DECENT RENDER OF HER THAT SHOWS OFF HER FIT#yippiieee art block#uzi doorman#murder drones#what tags do you guys use#eloscoredraws
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utena pokemon au!!!!!
#this is a fun little thing to do when i wanna draw but art block is getting in the way expect more in the future#revolutionary girl utena#fanart#rgu pkmn au#wakaba#anthy#utena#nanami#my art#crossovers and aus#pokemon#m
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Please enjoy :)
Two more with spoilers below
#dungeon meshi#laios touden#falin touden#farcille#marcille donato#senshi#mithrun#chilchuck tims#lycion#kabumisu#laicion#spreading the laicion propaganda discretely...#don't mind me :)#kabru's username is a reference to another compilation by Fumifooms :)#edit: if youâre going to be a hater on any ship in the fandom; this post is not for you (certified: a multishipper)#this applies to everyone going âeww Marcille x Laios is heteronormative why would you ship itâ. This is not for you (signed: a bi trans man#or anyone hating on the recent m/m popularity. Shipping is not a competition#you like a ship? Reblog art and share fanfics. Raise the voice and motivation of artists who do what you like.#donât pull down others. Hate is a vicious self-aggravating cycle. Ship and let ship. Block what you donât like#you know. Fandom etiquette.#I thought we were adults here.#fy posts
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MEGHAN MARKLE The Paley Honors Fall Gala (Dec 4, 2024)
#mmarkleedit#meghan markle#meghanmarkleedit#userladiesofcinema#userladiesblr#thequeensofbeauty#m!lfsource#dailywomen#dailywives#tusercourtney#usermandie#tuseranita#dailywoc#femaledaily#glamoroussource#femalestunning#breathtakingqueens#**#*edit#haters stay off my post or u will be blocked x
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