#MY MENTAL STATE IS LIKE GONE | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

wikitpowers · 9 months

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bc i think about this every single day of my life, so should YOU :')

every time this crosses my mind, i go actually feral.

(im not a human anymore i am an untaimed animal in the wild hungry for more kit & ty content)

↳ this was a bit unhinged i'm sorry

#EVERYONE KNOWS WHAT SHE IS SUGGESTING AND YET #I CANT PROCESS #MY MENTAL STATE IS LIKE GONE #I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I AM ANYMORE #i need kit & ty in a cave #tiberius blackthorn in twp is gonna be something else oh my lord #he's gonna smooch christopher herondale #(and im gonna flip TF out)#im not okay after this istg #i have a brain injury #kit herondale #ty blackthorn #kit x ty #kitty #the dark artifices #the wicked powers #tda #twp #tsc

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novicedraws · 8 months

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Sorry for the absence,,,and sorry for not many sketches

//suggestive below

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moonkhao · 1 month

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hi.

#i know most of you didn’t even realize i was gone #but man…#my mental health was like in a state of 📉📉📉 in the past 30 days like we love being mentally ill and fucking insane <3 #it was mostly bc i panicked and started obsessing over possible water damage in my flat kind of out of nowhere #like it started when my landlord came to check my bathroom bc my downstairs neighbours had water stains on their ceiling back in july #which had been caused by their shower curtain apparently but i was already spiraling when my landlord told me so i was sure it was my fault #i was assuming it was bc of me bc i had sometimes been spilling some of my bathwater and i was like WHAT IF IT HAS GONE THROUGH THE FLOOR?#and it didn't help that it has been hot af and very humid in my apartment LIKE WELL OVER 25 DEGREES AND 60% HUMIDITY #anyways i couldn’t shake this not matter what i tried and my fucking insane brain made me think i was going to get arrested for like #flooding the whole building or for causing some sort of mold infestation #i had SO MANY panic attacks; i wasn't able to sleep; i wasn't able to eat; i was on edge and panicky basically 24/7 so fun fun fun :D #and i kept waking up in the middle of the night and HAD to go check my walls or the space below my kitchen #it was compulsory like i couldn't not get up and go check and tbh i would've thrown out all of my furniture if i could've to check for mold #(and shhhh i know how fucking insane this sounds but having a mentally ill brain that's anxious all the time does suck ass sometimes 🥲)#(the worst thing about it tho was that i was SO AWARE of how insane about this i was being and yet i couldn't stop losing my mind over it)#(also i was so ready to move tf outta here bc i couldn't handle being triggered 24/7 which is why my mom let me stay with her last week )#i was so out of it that i couldn't even let myself do the things i usually enjoy... like at all #like watching my shows or spending any ungodly amount of time on tumblr... or replying to messages i got from people who i love #ig this goes to show HOW bad this actually was for me mentally bc usually tumblr and my shows are like my safe place #anyways we finally had a leak detection dude come over today and we had him check the water levels in my walls #and he said everything is fine and he specifically told me i should stop worrying about any water damage BC THERE IS NO WATER DAMAGE #he also said that the weather has just been insanely humid this year so it's not surprising that the humidity levels are higher than usual #i’m still a bit scared about some possible mold but ig this is good enough for now #i am aware how ridiculous this must sound for anyone who's reading this now but couldn't let it go not even with meds so let me live pls :(#TLDR I WAS GOING THROUGH IT BUT I AM BACK I THINK AND I AM MOST LIKELY GOING TO START BOTHERING YOU WITH MY GIFS AGAIN <3 #AND I JUST REALIZED I HAVEN'T EVEN SEEN ANY OF THE HEART KILLERS STUFF YET ASIDE FROM ONE OR TWO PICS LIKE :(#OH AND I NEED TO START WATCHING SUMMER NIGHT ;_;#sabrina talks #@AIRENYAH GIRL I AM SO SORRY I WILL PROBABLY REPLY TO YOUR MESSAGES LATER TODAY OR TOMORROW MORNING ;_;<3

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dukeofthomas · 16 days

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jason thinks he should be dead (sometimes he thinks he IS dead), he's just what crawled out of jason todd's grave but he IS jason todd why cant you see that im still the same person. but im not who i used to be and you have to accept i'm different now but i'm still the same bc i'm still your son and your brother and your friend but i'm not 15 anymore (but i am i never grew up i'm still stuck in that warehouse watching the seconds count down the joker is still laughing and i'm still in pain and broken and bloody and beaten and the warehouse is everything and i'm 15 i'm 15 i'm 15) i'm an adult now i'm not a sweet lil daddy's kid anymore i've grown up (i haven't. do you remember when i played with legoes? when we went to football matches togetehr? when you drove me to school and called me chum and smiled at me gently and put your hand around my shoulder and squeezed? i loved you.) when you look at me all you see is who i used to be, you don't see ME, you just see who i used to be and i can never measure up to that, i can never be as good or kind or gentle or loving as the ghost of me that lives in your brain, but when i look in the mirror my eyes are dead like a fish's and my corpse is still in the ground and i'm not breathing because my insides are decayed and gone but i'm still standing here like a zombie, like a bad dream, like a fraction of who i used to be because i'm dead and i'm 15 and i never grew up but i'm somehow still an adult and how dare you not see me for who i am because i'm still the same but i'm still different but aren't i your son? am i at least still your son? you took me in and you loved me and you cared for me and you were my father my god my everything? i'm still your son. i'm still your son. i'm still your son.

Do you love me? Can you prove you love me? Can you prove i meant anything and can you prove my death was real?

(I love you. Please say it back.)

#my dc posting #jason todd #dc #red hood #...so how's everybody else doing!#i'm doing fine thanks for asking #sorry i was having thoughts abt jason and i feel like this is the only way i can showcase his mental state #cus like. theres contradictions and hypocrisies and everything stacked up on top of each other #all of it is him and all of it is false and he doesnt know who he is.#he's whatever's opposite of what you think of him #if bruce says he should never have been robin then fuck him. jason was a great robin and it was everything to him and he is not just a mist #ke.#but if someone else then says being robin was perfectly fine for jason and he chose it and it's his own fault he died #then no fuck that guy what the fuck is wrong with bruce to throw children out there in colourful undies and a cape?#etc etc like. DO YOU GET ME RN #ueghhj #this is only like 1% of what i'm rotating in my mind about him rn #jason loves bruce and that's the issue!!! that's the problem guys!!!! because he loves his dad too much to ever let go!!!!!!!#and he just wants his dad to say it back (to prove he means it to prove it's not too late to prove that theyre not too far gone yet)#AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA #i have jason todd disease. when instead ofbrain there is. jhason

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enhanced-operatives-division · 6 months

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Let her grieve

#since we've been uh. deconstructing prism's mental state..have some sad ship art.#it's been a hot minute since I last properly did digital art but i have found my drawing tablet pen and.....oh it's good to be back #sigh i just. i don't think i want prism to grieve alone she deserves better than that #her bobots are gone...phoenix go hug her...please ..#i originally had her crying but idk..the pose changed by the time I finished the sketch she looked more exhausted #and i was like yeah i'll roll with that and she probably just calmed down or something #also um! never drawn two human characters ineract before (properly/intimately) so! obligatory it might look a little off #and directional lighting. god im not used to doing it outside realism #i digress... i love they #ieytd #i expect you to die #[agent moose's art]#agent phoenix #roxana prism #roxanix #creator and me

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lonicera-edulis · 1 year

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All that has left.

#wips #I've lost the psd file with the rest of characters so I have to post these unfinished /as always) 😭#I've changed Dain to a red river hog #and came up with cool Dis design #but it's all gone the psd file is broken after light shut off #also I fixed a bit sketches with bilbo thorin and ri brothers but well #I guess for nothing #pity is unnecessary #I am just letting it out in a text form :(#I am going on hiatus #my mental state was in shambles even before this happening #excuse me for venting here #there are bigger problems of course #this was like a little bump to make everything worse

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seaweedstarshine · 4 months

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RIP Krakoa 🌹 I can’t lie I’ve been kinda behind since midway through Fall of X I’m gonna catch up before my first SDCC this summer but I hear Vulcan didn’t see much action anyway. Anyway my hand slipped and I found myself looking into the eyes of my canonically psychotic son the best Summers brother who’s never done anything wrong in his entire life, (he’s done lotsa wrong things but I love him more for it)

#canonically psychotic = he canonically has psychosis. (not in the ableist way in that hes evil. which he is. lemme enjoy problematic rep)#Gabriel Summers #art by seaweed #words by seaweed #X-Men Red #the Gabriel hate during the Krakoa era pffffft. was 100% from ppl who didnt read the Rise and Fall of the Shi'ar Empire #“he attacked Storm” hes also a genocidal dictator who tortures ppl for catharsis. drunkenly coming at Ororo is the least bad thing he did #“he's a douche” mother of all understatements. now get this man back w his boyfriend who he forced to be his best man under pain of death #Gabriel fans LOVE that Ororo beat his ass. he deserved it. it was a fake discourse made up by a certain segment of goddess!Ororo fans #I say as an Ororo fan! Shes my fav A-list x-man🥰 yes Gabe was at a mental low but Ororo didnt know that. that was Scott's responsibility.#psychotic Emperor Vulcan is what we call a problematic mentally ill villain trope. I love him SO much. (okay lets talk)#we don’t know much about his childhood but we do know he spent 2 years in a fugue state after escaping slavers when he was like ten ):#as an “adult”-ish he's uh “mentally” 15 or sumn according to the calculations claimed to him by his hallucination of his actual child self #and apart from THOSE hallucinations. he’s very paranoid to the point of killing his advisors because he becomes convinced-#that they’re plotting to kill him. they aren't. he relies on Calseye to ground him thru his paranoia. and then of course in the Krakoa era #he believes his energy constructs of Petra and Sway who drink with him till he blacks out every single day are real. he isnt consciously #creating them; but he sees them- and bc he’s a godlike mutant his subconscious makes his hallucinations visible. making everyone uncomfy #Charles tries to use telepathy to FORCIBLY reality check him. which of course triggers his trauma. and GABE is punished for it?#(oh plus our finding out Gabe got brain surgery done on him by some gods outside the universe offpanel. he never does well with tampering)#and now the writers who pushed Hickman out (also RIP Sabretooth & the Exiles. RIP Hellions) want us to be SAD Krakoa is gone?#yes Gabriel is the mentally ill villain trope. but Krakoa never cared for mutants who couldn’t fit in. who were traumatized. disabled. etc #Alex OF ALL PEOPLE should understand that. ALEX should’ve been there for Gabriel. (why wasn't he. did he hold a grudge for past torture.)#Alex also w Murder-Enjoying Disorder but it was actually treated as an illness and those in authority presented as wrong for excluding him #instead of helping him. which v flawed but Hellions was one of the best mental illness comics? like Zeb Wells was conscious of the genre #but Gabriel was just… cast out. for panicking when his prime traumatizer Charles invaded his mind. he deserved help too #and all because his family were annoyed at him for drinking all night and throwing up and passing out on the floor? for being delusional?#And like- all of the summers brothers are nd (Scott's brain damage; Alex's dissociative episodes; Gabriel's psychosis)#I have nothing to say about Adam X ((I highly doubt he's neurotypical and/or mentally healthy)) ((nothing to say abt him tho))#and Gabes paranoia is 100% rooted in his issues of being made to feel like an outsider. like YES the obvious MUTANT identity but also #he thinks his father abandoned him to be a slave. he's not Summers enough for Scott. hes not Shi'ar enough for the Shi'ar

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crystalkitty1220 · 4 months

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Man I wonder where the leader of the fear realm could've gone, it's alMOST LIKE NEVIN HAS AN

#had to re-edit the image real quick because the original edit was from a post I made about Drew years ago #and while the Drew thing is becoming less and less likely. Nevin havinv one has basically been canon since #someone mentioned Greg's (was it Britney's) aura being familiar in s2ch1. ive been putting together a list of every line #that points to Nevin's aura throughout the whole thing (most from s2ch1 but then s2ch10 came out and it was really canon at that point)#but clearly i'm running out of time to say ''i fucking called it'' before it's explicitly stated and i dont want to be in another situation #where somebody else will beat me to a theory and me posting anything about it will seem like copying them. sorry about that btw i had #thought i had already mentioned theorizing that nevin was possessed by a demon in that old theory i made but i had forgotten that one was #super old and was about sigma. so no copying there i just got extremely paranoid there was a mention of a cult and i was like ''nuh uh #that's way too specific and out there of a detail to end up in both our theories'' and i forgot the rest of my super old post was outdated #as hell. and echos had gone ''yeah they're so similar!'' and i took their word for it but now i'm realizing they were probably just trying #to be supportive. so yeah no copying there i was just beaten to the punch of saying something. but i will NOT back down from the aura shit #because i have been calling that shit FROM THE START or at least since i started reading ibvs back when ch20 came out.#also not backing down from saying chris was the worse friend because these past few chapters are the first time isaac has done anything tha #could knowingly upset chris meanwhile chris has. let edward drag isaac to the lair after isaac said edward would beat him up. chose not to #believe edward was holding the secrets over their heads because 'it was something isaac had said' and then immediately distrusted edward in #the next chapter because a random person he didn't know said to steal a book (might i mention how that entire scene proves chris' lack of #development and refusal to take responsibility because it perfectly alludes to when chris had brought those fireworks into his old school #and makes me wonder if charlie has actually gotten him in trouble with his past schools or if he's still just not taking responsibility #and if him following nevin to the woods to test out their powers is an extension of ''if something bad happens its not my fault''#like seriously this man would bring a mysterious suitcase onto a plane if he's told to). uh what was i talking about agai #anyway on a related note my mental state has only gotten worse since i left tumblr and the habit of thinking about chris instead of sleepin #or doing schoolwork has not stopped. so i was still failing for a while and might graduate now but am still staying away from tumblr.#so yeah this was a little update and im not going to linger this time im just going to leave tumblr again right after hitting post #addendum because i just can't let things go. and was thinking about chris again. i don't think his lack of development is because of bad #writing (anymore. i used to.). instead i'm certain his character arc is going to continue into him following someone (nevin probably) into #doing something really bad. and then he'll finally get actual consequences and go 'oh shit i fucked up real bad this time'#if you think that theory is reaching too far into the future you should hear mine about isaac dying at the end lmao

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famewolf · 6 months

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speaking of ocd, I think I'm realizing that I truly don't have anxiety and it's literally just my ocd. im not anxious about anything until it involves me and suddenly I'm spiraling

#[static]#it's hard to describe succinctly but the anxiety I deal with nowadays is directly related to my ocd and autism #some anxiety is so easy to brush off but the ones stemming from my ocd are extremely difficult to get out from under #i'll spiral for weeks about one specific thing and ruminate on it and mentally worry and pick at it forever #it's utterly exhausting jfkdghdf some days are easier than others #and often that one thing I ruminate on becomes multiple things all stemming from the first thing #like recently it's been my car ... the thing is totally fine ... runs fine drives fine but ive been freaked out by it for the last 3 weeks #every time i go into the shop theyre like ... everything is good in fact its in good condition for its age and they'll mention like #one thing that will need to be replaced to keep it in tip top condition and then my brain will fixate on it and imagine all the ways #something horrific will happen if that doesnt get changed and then that leads to all the other things in the car suddenly freaking me out #i defs used to have general anxiety and depression but those went away literally the day i got top surgery #poof instantly gone it was wild and i kept waiting for the other shoe to drop #never did but now my ocd has been really bad the last 6 months cuz of all the extra horrifying things going on #so i thought it was just my anxiety coming back but this week i realized it was my ocd and have been treating it accordingly #and ive seen some relief but i definitely need to go back to therapy once i get my insurance again #its the only way to get a hold on it and my last therapist ended up moving states so we didnt get to work on tools for it very much #im yapping at this point i just needed to vent for a second about how truly yucky ocd makes me feel

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kyuala · 11 months

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SOOOOOO hard to go through everyday life trying to ignore the never-ending feeling that im just irreparably fucked up and therefore should just give up on everything

#this aint exactly s******* but it aint exactly not s******* either #anyways it gets even harder when i have to live under the same roof as my brother who is so much better than me in every single conceivable #and imaginable way possible like #and i knowwww a LOT of it comes down to us having relatively similar yet wildly different lives despite being 1.5y apart and having the sam #family our entire lives like he has gone through NOTHING and i mean not a single societal issue ive had to face and endure my entire life #he's a man im a woman. he's white im black. he's straight im gay. he's skinny ive always been 'overweight'. he's always been the good #christian kid ive always had issues w faith and religion. he's never been mentally ill i was clinically depressed for nearly 8yrs of my lif #we both lost the same parent and im the only one who got pathological grief and a personality disorder out of it. he's had a great job for #the last 7yrs that now pays him 20k+ every month ive only had 3 odd jobs my entire life and 2 of those my MOTHER had to give me so i would #have SOMETHING and ive never made over 1.6k monthly n my last job was minimum wage only #he's had like 4 relationships and is nearly engaged im so traumatized + emotionally unavailable ive only ever been on 1 date my entire life #he has a good relationship w every family member we have i have Issues w like half the family. he's always been an active member of our #church i can barely listen to like 4 traditional hymns before i start losing my mind and spiraling. i think the only two ways we're pretty #much equal like socially is that we're both able bodied cis and christians but still the cis and christian thing is debatable for previousl #stated reasons so like. do yall see how much better he is doing than me in every little last area in life and how he's always gotten the #long straw when it comes to Not having to deal w certain obstacles in life. n i know its like yea idk what it actually is like to be him an #he could not be doing all that well first of all shut up. second of all if it was 1 or 2 things i'd get it but it's literally EVERYTHING #and i know bc of said things n our v different lives it's unfair to me to compare the two of us but then it begs the question: WHY #WHY did i have to go through these things. WHY do i have to deal w this. WHY did i get the short straw literally every goddamn time #WHY did i have to get THIS life like WHYYYYY why ME GOD. why have I had to put up w all this bullshit for 24 fucking years!!!!!!!!! im TIRE #and this is not me hating or resenting him i know it's not his fault and he is so good to me #but still. why was i left with these things? to live like this?#so yes i guess i do envy him a little bit. who wouldn't #mari.txt #personal #tw negative #dl #btw i do NOT mean some identities are better than others. i mean he is better and is doing better than me in life partially bc he's never #had to deal w certain social issues and obstacles that come w oppressed identities.

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vero-niche · 8 months

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a fellow english major, really happy to see someone who's proud of their degree <3

you know that "no love, no matter how brief, is wasted" line? i think the same applies for knowledge too - no matter how useless it may seem, knowledge acquired is never in vain.

#honestly like. idk what your age is but when i was attending uni i kept getting told that i shouldve gone for IT. because the future #- and the money - is there.#now look at the IT companies. the whole thing is crumbling #not to mention the arrogance. that IT degree didnt make you immune to the same old scam tactics did it. how are your nfts doing btw #honestly i never really expected it myself that a humanities degree would prove useful in a daily life type of way #like. sure i knew it wasnt useless but still. its entirely different to experience it in real time yknow #and the whole new wave ''it isnt that deep'' trend is honestly pretty dangerous bc there usually IS something deeper.#a narrative an agenda a propaganda etc.... or simply just capitalist greed #so its needed to read between the lines and see what the point/intention really is #- and thats what literary and other art analysis is making you do! it makes you stop and think #this is all not even mentioning all the political historical and cultural stuff we learned about all the anglo-saxon countries #which all prove to be pretty useful in light of recent events......#so yeah. anyway. dont listen to all those who say its useless (and theres a lot of those even among the ones who chose this major too)#its clearly not. but even if it were it wouldnt matter ehat they think #(i do wish tho that i couldve attended it already on the right meds bc i feel like i forgot A Lot bc of my mental state at the time #but oh well. what can you do)#thank you for the ask it was really nice of you 💞💞💞#ask #anon

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fictionadventurer · 1 year

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&

#'what do you do for fun?' people ask me #'write 1300 word essays about lincoln's secretary of state' i don't tell them #i am no doubt pushing the limits of your tolerance for american history facts #i'm pushing the limits of my own tolerance for my nerdiness #but i haven't had a fandom this fascinating in years #let me get this out of my system #i feel guilty about flooding my dash with this stuff #i'd feel guiltier except that fandom is kind of tumblr's thing #if i can deal with peoples' ghosts and vampires they can scroll past my presidents #i scheduled the post for tomorrow morning to give you a couple hours' break #i wasn't even going to write it out until i was like 'what other kind of post should i write?'#and the main idea coming to mind was about how the seward-lincoln story was giving me thoughts about some of my ocs #and i decided to cave and just write about the guy himself #it was a lot more extensive and time-consuming than i expected #i got a bit embarrassed when i realized how much time i'd devoted to that this evening #hadn't realized quite how far gone i was #i should really cleanse my mental palate with a fairy tale or two #or at least stop writing these tags and get some sleep

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shidoukanae · 2 days

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Hello to the Buddyfight fandom it's been a hot minute but god do i miss this show and have been making fanart for it in the background so i thought i'd post to tumblr too ^^

I swear every year I end up coming back to this show and wishing that it kept going, that it got rebooted, that i could just erase my memories of this show and just watch it all over again from the beginning to enjoy everything once again from Tasuku's own sense of justice twisting against him to Gao's suffering of PTSD and how heartfelt it was handled.

There's something very special about this show that I haven't been able to find replicated elsewhere. It has the most perfect world to exist (so much so that i'd love to be isekai'd into it if i could!!!) and while i have my own gripes with it (hi S3+) i honestly sometimes wish i could go back to my high school years of watching this show just to relive it all again :'D

Anyways!!! I hope there's still people out there who enjoy this show even ten years later who'll like seeing new funny artwork for it!

I wanna add too that i'm hoping to create a rewrite of FCBF (ft. seasons 1-3 + Ace) or at least create more artwork for my interpretation of it and its world!

Because, sincerely, this show is one of the few that, for all its flaws, hasn't disappointed me in the years that've followed unlike many other things i've seen and i wanna try to keep the spirit of it alive while I can thanks to that. And if there are any fans still in existence who love it, i wanna provide some food while its once again in my orbit because damn do i adore this show <3 <3 <#

#it's been like a year but im back on my buddyfight kick again #and since im back feeling dejected about OC things again i might try and focus on buddyfight stuff for a bit :Dc #fcbf #future card buddyfight #buddyfight #Deathgaze Death Dragon #Noboru Kodo #Tasuku Ryuenji #Gao Mikado #Drumbunker Dragon #Sawblade Dragon is a funny little critter I made as part of Tasuku's deck in my AU that im writing #and the other two monsters you can just barely see in the last image are Gallows/a Buddy I gifted Sofia #because tbh Sofia really needed a Buddy #specifically a Star Dragon World one #though as of this point in my AU she doesn't have her Star Dragon buddy bc it doesn't “Exist” yet ofc #middlemost image is also an old art thing but a headcanon thing for those mystery kids bc i like them despite not being a fan of-#Sofia/Tasuku all that much (tho had more effort gone into the writing behind them i probably would have liked them tbh lol)#I mean who doesn't like the idea of a guy who was at her side specifically and worked with her to achieve the bad guys goals #ends up watching his precious Buddy be attacked by her which is what snaps him out of his corrupted mental state to finally realize he's in #the wrong #& then when he later meets her as enemies he suffers cognitive dissonance of both loathing and respect towards her which culminates in him-#holding a personal vendetta towards her while also recognizing her efforts as a former ally who helped him during his Disaster days #and so when he gets to the future and has to rely on her help and guidance he has to confront the fact they're two sides of the same coin #& that she's neither an ally nor enemy but a mirror to himself of what he could've been if he'd decided to take action outside of the law #i mean #there was a LOOOOOOT of missed potential between Tasuku & Sofia if the show really wanted to go down the route of implying they end up a-#couple in canon (ESPECIALLY compared to Tasuku/Gao where it's clear Tasuku cares deeply about Gao and doesn't give a damn about Sofia)#and idk i felt we were robbed of a lot of things that could have given chemistry between Sofia and Tasuku

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thresholdbb · 11 months

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Voyager Year 2 from Janeway’s perspective:

Meet Amelia Earhart without losing any crew

Almost lose Chakotay to Nog but save him

Almost lose the Doctor to Broccoli but save him

Help your manic pixie dream ocampa through puberty cause Voyager’s too sexy

Almost lose Harry Kim to a time stream but he saves himself with Tom

Lose your mind by touching a special distortion ring, everyone’s saved by doing nothing

Send two bickering crew men to a planet to adopt a lizard baby

Get so stressed out you get sent to the Holodeck for some “me time” only to think you’ve lost your whole dang mind

Almost lose Chakotay again, this time with racist vibes

Almost lose everyone to the second Caretaker

Chakotay runs off after Seska and the Kazon, have to save him

Get adopted by a delusional father only for him to die in your arms

Almost lose B’Elanna to a robot race

Try to make friends only for it to blow up in your face

Become a mutant and have 3 salamander babies with your helm officer only for Chakotay and Tuvok to abandon them

A crewman gets murdered, then you almost lose Tuvok to mind melding with the murderer

Order everyone to escape pods cause your chief engineer hijacked a sentient bomb

Put Q on trial only for him to off himself

Your EMH develops more feelings, your helmsman is acting up

Neelix stumbles on your plot with Tuvok and Paris, Chakotay gets jealous

Your ship gets duplicated and you face off with yourself about who gets to blow their Voyager up first

Almost lose Tuvok to some old kids

Almost lose Harry until you literally vanquish fear

Almost lose Tuvok and Neelix to Tuvix and a terrible moral quandary but ultimately — kill Tuvix

Get stranded on planet with Chakotay because you both got bitten with an unresolved sexual tension virus, but the crew disobeys orders and saves you anyway

Try to save Chakotay’s baby only to lose the ship and get the whole crew stranded on a planet

#A+ season would watch again for the millionth time #like NO WONDER her emotional life is all bottled up #she’s barely into the journey and all this shit has gone down and everyone’s showing their tail #like tamp all the emotions down otherwise we’re not getting through this #shit goes down take a breath pull yourself together get your head up and KEEP GOING #I mean process your issues but otherwise not the worst way to go about things #voyager infinite rewatch #season 2 also full of bangers with chakotay eps having the low points #very amused with this Star Trek voyager hiatus that is happening #I’m just amusing myself at this point #just waiting to hear back about employment and making shit without spending money or leaving the house really #idk what any and all of this says about my mental state but idrc #I’m just a person ranting about Star Trek sitting on my floor hand painting a bat’leth #memeish #meta

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archduke-enver-gortash · 10 months

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posting on here is like my sisyphean boulder i'm constantly rolling tbh

#god i am trying so hard to just have fun and be myself #but when i do that i'm immediately a strange outsider creep #and since i can't really mask my version of masking is just not talking and then obviously you don’t find any joy in fandom spaces either #i will always be a shitty unlikable freak no matter how much i pretend otherwise. it was obvious from the start that getting involved in #fandom spaces was a fucking mistake. it's always a mistake because you're some laughing stock at best and a horrifying freak at worst #i don't blame people for not liking me i've realised what an awful person i am long ago #but it's always so hard witnessing something like fun social groups from the sidelines knowing you'll never be a part of it #this is why my mental state has been deteriorating so severely in the last few months. that Realisation once again nothing fucking changed #i know it's stupid to get so upset over fandom but it's only a pattern for me #i stopped trying to be friends with people when i was a teenager because it hasn't worked a single time #this attempt at integrating myself into the wotr and bg3 fandom by sharing my shit was just one mistake #gortash/zeke is so different from anybody else’s work and i wish i could find joy in something that it isn’t fucking deranged but i can’t #like yes it’s just fandom bullshit! gortash/zeke is a fucking oc x canon ship! why am i getting so upset over it!#i love writing them. i’ve never been this happy writing anything. and it’s entirely indicative of a common pattern in my life #when i earnestly share parts of myself/things i’m passionate about people get creeped out. and honestly? rightfully so #i would leave the discord servers i’m in because it’s fucking crushing me dude. this is so petty but i’m so jealous of what you people have #but in one i am server owner and i don’t want to just dump that responsibility onto someone else and then dip #and in the other two i’m not sure anyone would even notice that i’m gone but i still worry about being rude #though i’m not entirely sure i didn’t get invited to one of those just so people could laugh at me. idk probably just being paranoid but i #it’s been gnawing at me #ok no if i’m being this vulnerable on tunglr.com i can also say that part of me staying is also still having the hope that i could fit in #one day. logically i know it won’t happen but it’s nice to have hope sometimes #watching you all from through the window having fun like a creep #so yeah. i’ve always felt like this but it’s been rapidly getting worse with my failed attempt at the bg3 fandom #idk just been crying non-stop for the last few hours. went through an entire pack of tissues in an hour it’s very disgusting #they’re all lying around me as i’m typing this like a pillowfort of snot lmao #so yeah. idk. if someone could come over and lobotomise me that’d be nice. orin where are you when we need you most #i never had any friends irl so i foolishly gave this a shot. i’m sorry #also doesn’t help that i can see someone dropping me for people that are easier to be around in irl rn #it just hurts because it’s always like that. someone you are around when you have no other option at best. not even that sometimes

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angerygoomba · 2 months

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listening to ants from up there like a normal healthy person that has relationships that they know will thrive and will not be lost and is certain of their future and enjoys whats happening today and what was happening yesterday and last week and last month. and im cool about it

#ants from up there #intro #chaos space marine #concorde #bread song #good will hunting #haldern #mark's theme #the place where he inserted the blade #snow globes #basketball shoes #guys dont listen to this album it makes you cry a lot #and crying is bad (true)#anyways is anyone else thinking about anything #help #help core lolllll #i have no idea whats in store and ive never liked that ever #i need a react image where a person is staring death into the camera especially now #because ive been feeling it so so so much more lately than before and ive felt it so hard since before summer #i really have no idea how much better this is than jobless summer mentally #i mean in a way it has to be better than summer school summer but at least then i had the inbetween week of the two terms #and yes thankfully i have parents who have enough money to spend two weeks of vacation out of the country which is coming up on saturday #and it will be relaxing ignoring the socializing of family i havent seen in 5 years #but so much of the past month has felt like ive only done work #i feel like my mind is consumed by my job and i really dont know if i like this state of being more than my jobless state of being #i also havent had a workless summer since grade 10 and i was still insecure about my friend group so i didnt go to a lot of the hangouts #but in grade 11 and this year i totally couldve gone to more and felt like i made more worthwhile memories #i wanna say more but tumblr doesnt let you do more than 30 tags #long one #goomb thot

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