#Make Me One Dimensional

[alen09blog]

想成為一次元

我曾經相信，人生只會朝著一個方向流動。當時的一切都更加容易，也更加簡單，只需要竭力擺脫束縛自己的事物就好，只需要看著前方、卯足全力奔跑就好。然而，無止境奔跑這十多年之後，我所到之處依舊是那個原地。 有些記憶永遠不會變成過去。（頁131）

到目前為止，我看過的書都告訴我，苦難與不幸是為了被克服而存在。孫悟空與哈利波特、娜娜與魯夫，一些堪足以承受的考驗加諸於這些角色身上，而這些試煉不過是為了讓即將到來的幸福更加美麗、更加耀眼的一種裝置。 但是，生活中出現的不幸卻沒有那麼容易克服。它會十分漫長，也許終其一生都會用類似的型態反覆出現。我在相對較小的年紀時，就透過父母學到這件事。（頁308）

我過去一直告訴自己。我不想去感受任何的情緒與感覺，或是任何其他東西，結果真的變成什麼都感覺不到了。對於允道、泰瑞和害怕人生就此墜落的那些苦惱，也在頃刻之間成為過往。 我曾經希冀自己能從一切事物中逃亡，哪怕只有一瞬間也好；在耗盡全身力氣後，不知道從何時起，這些事情就像真的沒有發生過一樣，留在心中的只有一片迷茫。就這樣，這個空缺中再沒有任何有價值的事物。 我只是一直空蕩蕩地，在那個位置上慢慢老去。（頁374）

朴相映《想成為一次元》（1 차원이 되고 싶어）（鄧宸瑋譯）

把書闔上，我也想像紋紋一樣，劈頭問主角：「為什麼是允道？」

閱讀此書可算是全球化意義的文化驗收了。出於世代相近作家之筆（朴相映1988年出生），同處上世紀末東亞四小龍經濟共榮圈的成長脈絡，設定其中人物情節，追憶少年昔日，自然而然，具體而微地，召喚出共享之娛樂文本（哈利波特、春光乍洩、重慶森林、霍爾的移動城堡、NANA、Coldplay、艾薇兒等）、社會模式（出櫃與校園霸凌；出國與跑路）、媒體格式（前SNS年代的部落格書寫、電視與雜誌宰制的大眾流行）等風格型態，我完全能同步而無段差地接收。

故事框架在這樣的格局內，即使是酷兒，自不例外；其特殊意義，因時空條件得以展露。這是一份參照式證詞，書寫與遺忘對抗。一方面重建主角破碎的記憶，一方面揭露傷痛的無所遁形，藉此安慰，彷彿鎮魂——始於老城的重建，在廢棄樂園池中，發現了竹馬泰瑞父親的白骨，末了舉辦四十九齋禱告儀式——這首尾相應的安排是過分聰明的酷兒式書寫，關於主角長久抑壓的罪惡感來由，一場揭露實是建造一條甬道，如此包裹，掩飾同時暗示，嚴密把風得以陳情自訴。

同學熙榮藉由緊迫盯人的觀察（監視），誤打誤撞地道出一個又對又錯的事實，「他從來沒有喜歡過任何人，也不懂什麼是喜歡（頁377）。」不容於世道的情感，主角、允道、泰瑞，膝跳反射般全面護衛自我的保全機制，表面上那樣愛護自己，卻又彷彿能為鏡像般的對象粉身碎骨在所不惜，無非是自信心低落，對自我存在澈底輕視。連自愛都沒有的人，又能如何愛人？

所以，儘管主角與允道的初戀悲哀作結，「一次元世界」自始作為二人約定的生存之道：

如果你跟我連結在一起，就會形成另一條線，也會在窗外創造出另一個世界（頁122）。

只要縮小成一個點，什麼也不是，便無所畏懼；彼此連結，足以抗衡無垠暗夜。作者引為一種酷兒書寫的敘事策略，主角連結起自己的過去與現在，兩點一線，穿過了盤據在天花板牆角「壓迫著我的整個存在（頁130）」的黑影，沿此視線，艱難回望，「彷彿是很久很以前的我，把頭轉向現在的我（頁400）。」終於取得諒解。

......

老實說，我無法釋懷，二度撕掉泰瑞（告白？）信、丟掉泰瑞送的書（《涼宮ハルヒの憂鬱》），甚至推泰瑞去死的主角（！）。

不過，到底是主角還是熙榮，誰更瘋呢？

（頁45提到） Nell - 어차피 그런 거（反正那種事）

[sillyfairygarden]

90 minute leyendecker study b4 bed. heard cleo has a cat cafe this season :swoons:

[milezperprower]

SONIC PRIME; NINE [tw for slight blood]

don't expect much sonic or prime content, just posting it bc i like it

[foundfamilywhump]

truly i don't care who thinks it's stupid or boring or "doesn't count" or can't be as intense as what they think of as "real whump" or whatever else, whump with comfort and recovery and caretaker(s) is always going to be my style of whump and i'm gonna have a blast vibing with people who also enjoy that

[basilbots]

Some thoughts on Ruin

Just me rambling about Ruin rn and what I think is going on Ruin is a liar (or "actor" as he'd call it) yes, but he's also not the gleefully evil villain laughing about how nefarious he is that some people expected him to be because of what we knew of him under the virus. The opposite actually. He does not want to hurt Sun or Moon. He is (kinda) willing to explain what he's doing. He feels guilty about making Eclipse, who's directives like making the puzzles actually made him less violent than usual. Acknowledges how fair it is for Sun to be scared of him that they all deserve answers after everything he put them through. He's a theater kid to the core who won't fess up what the grand finale is, but I don't think his plot is something with evil intentions. Everyone else is talking about essentially the end times happening but what does Ruin mumble about? "It'll all be free soon?" Whatever he's doing I'm not gonna deny will likely fuck over the multiverse and need to be stopped, but until we get more info I think Ruin has good intentions vs fucking things up for the sake of being evil and the like. Morally grey rather than straight up villain Additionally Ruin doesn't actually know when he rebuilt Eclipse and whether it was him or his virus self. Perhaps he was never fully cured and he's continuing a plan the virus set in action, but with my current theory it's more that this truly is the real Ruin's plan and he pushed through the virus to set it up.

[puppyeared]

i feel like. theres designing a character with certain themes and motifs in mind, and then theres making a gijinka for the water bottle on my nightstand

[bonefall]

do you ever worry your own writing might come off as misogynistic though? it seems deceptively easy

When you have anxiety, PTSD, OCD, or multiple of these things, every move you make is something you will self-doubt. It can become endless if you let it, and you can be frozen by absolute indescision.

Embrace the void and reach enlightenment with me; There are many ways to read a story, and no writer can pre-empt every possible interpretation. Not even myself.

If they think my work comes across as misogynistic? Let them. Salty amoebas are often wrong on the internet, but the block button and xkit are beautiful transwomen who are also my friends.

[lookninjas]

Was thinking about the whole “Elon’s playing three-dimensional chess!” argument that gets bandied about, and genuinely, even if he was, I fail to see how it helps him.  He’s in a standard, ordinary, two-dimensional chess tournament.  Those are the rules that apply, and those are the rules the judges will be enforcing.  Elon can sit and argue that in three-dimensional chess, his bishop can teleport, no really! until he’s blue in the face.  In two-dimensional chess, if you try to teleport your bishop, you will look like an idiot and then lose.  Which is exactly what he’s doing.

[dimitrscu]

so apparently radahn has to be dead before you can access the dlc. wow i wonder why that is /s

[spoopdeedoop]

I mean this absolutely respectfully, but you should probably find a different duo name for Mei and MK than goldendragon--goldendragon is their ship name, so by tagging it as goldendragon, you're putting platonic content into the tags for people who are looking for romantic content of the two of them! It'd be like tagging a post about Wukong and Macaque being friends or brothers as shadowpeach--it clogs the tags and makes searching for content difficult. And again I mean this entirely respectfully, I'm not sure if they have a duo name though or what else to call them!

hi! so i figured i should explain myself a bit more in terms of using that tag lol.

i use the goldendragon tag despite me not shipping them because it's completely up to the viewer which context they decide to put the art in. i don't make the art with romantic intentions, but i don't mind people taking my goldendragon art as romantic. i just like their dynamic either way.

plus, goldendragon is the more well known tag of their duo and i want to reach the people that want to see more of them, i guess?

so i use goldendragon as the umbrella term for mk and mei. personally i don't ship them, but you are more than welcome to read my art of them as romantic.

i wouldn't call my art of them "platonic" art? it's just art of them.

tl;dr: i'm still gonna be using the tag because my art isn't strictly platonic. you can see it as romantic if you'd like. plenty of people do.

[angelsdean]

i love when canon dean talks back to john (because yea! he does that!) and tells it to him how it is and calls him out for never answering the goddamn phone and leaving them in the dark abt everything and when he proves he's not a 'yessir' mindless soldier and says "no sammy actually dad's full of crap" and when he acknowledges to himself in his own mind that john was a shit father and dean didn't deserve what was put on him and i love when complicated emotions pass over his face at the mention of john and his eyes dim a bit or he tries to smile but it doesn't quite reach his eyes and i also love that it's complicated and "he tried his best" but his best wasn't enough and dean knows it and he had to be a father and a mother and "i hate you. and i love you. because you're my [dad]" because yes that quote absolutely applies to john as much as mary bc dean is so full of love and he can and does both love and hate his parents. and i love when dean hugs john with tears in his eyes and looks like a little kid even at 26. even at nearly 40. and i love when he takes john's jacket and i love when he uses it as a blanket despite sleeping on a motel bed with blankets because despite everything that jacket was likely the closest thing to a comfort object dean had growing up and it always smelled like whiskey and leather and gunpowder but john draped it over them when they slept in the back seat of the impala and it wasn't enough, it was never enough, and it didn't really keep him all that warm, but it was something. and dean wears it years and years later thinking maybe he can find something of his father in the shape of that jacket. sometimes it feels like those hugs he rarely got after age four. and i love that when he's told john is right down the road, after drinking his shitty beer, he leaves to find a better version of his parents (and no doubt he's also looking for a certain angel) and i love that when he finds them, when he saves them, he looks at his 19 yr old father, who is not the man who hurt him, who may never become that man in this universe, and he smiles, and he wishes them well and he give his parents the tools to be better and write a better story. anyways, i love the complicated way dean both loves and hates his father

[ickypuppi3]

like .. taking the time to cast someone as billy’s dad, having a scene with billy’s dad calling him a faggot before laying into him, setting up that whole flashback in the next season, casting someone to play billy’s mom, casting someone to play billy as a child, showing that neil was abusive to billy’s mom and billy as a child, showing that billy’s mom left him with his abusive dad, having billy’s memory of his mom be the reason he breaks out of the mindflayers hold and then having him sacrifice himself to save everyone

all to say “yeah, billy’s our human villain .. also he’s bad and irredeemable and we hate him”

will never not be insane to me

[arsenicflame]

the thing is, right, if izzy WAS evil i would still absolutely love him. hes a fictional character, i don't care about his morals if hes compelling.

but the frustrating thing is that hes not evil, hes not even the antagonist anymore by a long stretch, hes arguably more liked by the crew than ed at the moment, but people still insist that we are reading the text of the show wrong and its going to completely 180 and turn him into a cartoon villain when there is absolutely no sign of that in the show, from the cast and crew, anything!!!

its so ridiculously annoying that i feel i have to defend my stance on a character because some people are so determined to cast him into the roll of a villain he is not, and think that we are the wrong ones for simply reading what the show is putting out

[deargravity]

akashi is actually not as good at everything as people like / want to believe but let me not get into that today

[torchiiko]

absorbing as much canon info as i can abt a character & then getting annoyed reading fanfics or headcanons that directly go against it. you dont know them like i do

[shopcat]

omfg people really need to calm the fuck down about people disliking some characters like it's not always a deep seated prejudice or an inability to empathise it's because we are human beings with our own experiences and normal biases and fictional characters are not real and it doesn't matter if you don't like them for pretty much any reason at all and doesn't make you suddenly x just because the character is y it just means you don't like them. obviously other indications of actual prejudice or a repeated pattern mean something else entirely but you can just dislike a character because get this they're a character and not a real person. you can dislike real people too even it's almost like we've got free will. please oh please can we get out of the torture chamber together.