#May 1 2028

[firstoccupier]

Encrypted Communication Tools for Coordinating a General Strike

When organizing a general strike, especially one as significant as the May 1, 2028 national strike, ensuring secure communication is essential to protect participants from surveillance and potential retaliation. There are several encrypted communication tools available to the public right now that can be used to securely coordinate efforts. One popular tool is Signal, an encrypted messaging app…

[dungeonsandfierceorangecats]

“Speaking to union members at the UAW national political conference in Washington DC, Fain said it was time for union members to come together.

‘We have to pay for our sins of the past. Back in 1980 when Reagan at the time fired patco workers, everybody in this country should have stood up and walked the hell out,’Fain said. ‘We missed the opportunity then, but we’re not going to miss it in 2028. That’s the plan. We want a general strike. We want everybody walking out just like they do in other countries.’”

And

“The UAW rescheduled the expiration of their union contracts with the US’s big three automakers to align on this day [May 1, 2028] in the contracts it reached late last year and has been encouraging other labor unions to schedule contracts to expire on this day to maximize the participation from workers across different industries.”

THIS IS SEPARATE FROM ANY AND ALL STRIKES FOR CEASEFIRE, (WHICH SHAWN FAIN ALSO OPENLY SUPPORTS)

THIS IS STRICTLY ABOUT CONTRACT NEGOTIATIONS AND DOES NOT MEAN THAT WE SHOULD WAIT TO CALL FOR OR PARTICIPATE IN OTHER STRIKES NOW !

[sapphoslibrary]

the amount of gen z “leftists” who lack even basic education on the american political system is genuinely astounding and terrifying

[ohmygoodnessgraciousgollygosh]

Americans: look up the Taft-Hartley Act :)))))))

WHERE is todayborday

[zaprowsdower27]

Project Esther

Okay, Jumblr, we all know about Project 2025, the roadmap the Heritage Foundation wrote for destroying the United States that Operative Krasnov and Mr. Apartheid are using to dismantle the United States.

Well, the Heritage Foundation has another roadmap, Project Esther. Their plan to "help us" by "combatting antisemitism". It even successfully identifies the nightmares going on on college campus "protests" as a problem that needs addressing. Unfortunately, that one sentence elevator pitch is the only sanity it has.

I know we don't trust Wikipedia, and for good reasons, but it's still unfortunately the best resource for summaries on things like this, and to quote the relevant article,

"The effort has received the support of a number of evangelical Christian but no major Jewish organizations. It has been criticized by journalist Steve Rabey for incorporating antisemitic tropes into its rhetoric, and by Slate and Haaretz for not addressing right-wing antisemitism.[1][2][3]"

and

"The project reportedly struggled to find Jewish organizations with which to partner, while sidelining those that do partner with it.[8][9]

The group has targeted eight "masterminds"—George Soros, Alex Soros, JB Pritzker, Angela Davis, Manolo de los Santos, Vijay Prashad, Neville Singham, and Jodie Evans—who it believes are at the center of progressive politics. The Soros family is the subject of a number of longstanding antisemitic conspiracy theories that match the language used by Project Esther.[10]"

To that I would add that not only are the Soros family a popular target of antisemitic conspiracy theory, but JB Pritzker is a popular and prominent Jewish governor who occasionally gets 2028 presidential speculation - and this is a sign that he will get the same antisemitic conspiracy theory as he becomes more prominent outside of Illinois.

So, its pretty easy to see where this is going. They're going to try to perpetuate antisemitism to take out prominent and/or powerful Jews, using opposition to a common enemy (actual antisemites) as a trojan horse to get us on-side.

Two important notes for this, one for each of the major Jewish populations.

1.

My fellow American Jews, we need to be very, very, very careful about this sort of divide and conquer, and choose our allies wisely.

We cannot afford to ally with the pro-Hamas nuts who want to kill American Jews but oppose the fascists, but we absolutely cannot afford to ally with the fascists who have established intent to try to use our fear of the pro-Hamas nuts to get us to subjugate ourselves and destroy of our own voices speaking out for us in favor of the "Jews should all go to Israel to be good little human sacrifices for our summon Jesus ritual" philosemites.

It's already begun in some ways - Operative Krasnov has broken the long-standing tradition of naming a Jewish-American to be Ambassador to Israel, naming a prominent Evangelical instead.

Keep an eye out for what shape their "cracking down on Antisemitism" takes - it may start with punishing openly pro-Hamas folks, but will move on to punishing Jews who don't fit their philosemitic caricature soon enough and if we get caught unprepared, we may not make it. We cannot afford to be surprised, and we cannot afford to either try to make it out of this alone or make allies purely on an enemy-of-my-enemy basis. We need to be prepared, we need to make friends, and we need to be as careful as humanly possible

2.

Israeli Jews, I'm begging you. Watch out for this, we WILL need your help with this. Your current insane government is allying itself to the fascists running America. This is convenient for you geopolitically in the short term, but please, for the love of Hashem, do not let them trick you about us.

The time will come, and its not too far off, when the current American regime tries to move forward with Project Esther and start declaring prominent American Jews who dare not toe the Evangelical Christian definition of what Judaism is line of being "antisemitic" and persecute us to as much of an extent as they can force the law to accommodate, and for the sake of geopolitics I fear that your government is going to back them up instead of fulfilling its promise to be a safe place to flee to and a voice of advocacy and protection for Diaspora Judaism.

We, the Jews of America, are counting on you, the Jews of Israel, to be our voice in Israeli Politics. When America starts implementing Project Esther declaring publicly that prominent Jews are the "real source of antisemitism" and trying to "protect the Real Jews" by persecuting actual real Jews. When your government responds by telling you your kin across the ocean are enemies and to be happy open nazis are oppressing us. When, soon, that day comes, we are depending on you to protest and advocate for us to the Israeli government to make sure it speaks out in our defense as our ancestral home and heart, rather than speaking out against us as a geopolitical ally of our persecutor. If for no other reason, then to make it legal for us to flee to Israel when all other options have been denied to us, to prevent the Israeli government from telling us to get fucked because by voting for Democrats in American Elections we were deemed "antisemites" unworthy of making Aliyah or whatever

This all sounds like conspiracy mongering. So did Project 2025. The Heritage Foundation is very real, very powerful, and very prominent - we cannot afford to take anything they say less than deadly seriously, and so we cannot afford to ignore Project Esther.

Am Yisrael Chai, and Am Yisrael Michpacha.

[novy2sirius]

universal year numbers

— each years energy

trigger warning: violence, death, and weight ♡

universal year numbers can tell abt the main energy of the year for everyone ♡

u can find the universal number by adding the year together. example: 2024 = 8 ♡

ur personal year number will also affect the energy of each year, but this is abt the main theme for everyone ♡

2023 -> a 7 year: gaining new knowledge that will help u in upcoming years, prone to illness, becoming more spiritual, prone to loneliness, not a good year to start a relationship, good year to spend time alone (ik i did a lot in 2023), good time to gamble

2024 -> an 8 year: getting back karma for things u did in the past years (this can be positive karma or negative karma depending on what type of person u r/have been in recent years), making money, gaining power, good year to start a new business

2025 -> a 9 year: gaining intelligence, becoming more spiritual, more deaths occurring (9 is the number associated with death, so we’ll likely see a lot of celebrity deaths this year)

2026 -> a 1 year: good year for new beginnings, building confidence, becoming hotter, becoming a leader/standing up for things, getting into more fights/arguments (this includes verbal and physical), expect ppl to be more aggressive than normal

2027 -> an 11 year: more ppl will find love/their soulmate (a good year to start a relationship as long as ur viet zodiac isn’t the ox and ur life path number isn’t 1) lots of new celebrities will become famous (especially actors), more emotional energy, good year to workout, don’t take a lot of flights in 2027 (if u have to avoid 9, 7, or 11 days)

2028 -> a 3 year: more laughing, better communicating, good year to gain fame on social media, more good luck (especially financially, as long as u don’t have a lot of negative karma), good year to network

2029 -> a 4 year: good year to put in work for rewards in future years, bad year to break the law (higher chance of going to jail), ppl will be more sensitive/violent, good year to join the military

2030 -> a 5 year: good year to travel, good year to get pregnant, having more sex than usual, a lot of ppl will have a glow up (especially if it’s ur 5/9 personal year as well), good year to release a beauty product line, good year to improve ur health, good year to socialize

2031 -> a 6 year: good year to spend more time with ur family, good year to buy a home, good year to fix broken relationships, good year to have a family (children), good year to make friends, there may be more struggles with weight (especially if it’s someone’s 6 personal year)

[astromancy-divinare]

Upcoming dates when sidereal Jupiter & Saturn will activate EVERY RISING SIGN’S CHART for a new relationship/marriage

If you don't know your rising sign in sidereal, visit Astro-Seek.com and select Sidereal Astrology. Enter the date, time and location of your birth. Leave the House System option on Whole Sign and leave the Ayanamsa on Lahiri.

Aries Rising

December 26, 2028 - March 29, 2029

August 24, 2029 - January 24, 2030

Jupiter will be transiting your 7th house in Libra and will be aspecting your 1st house while Saturn will be transiting your 1st house in Aries and will be aspecting your 7th house.

Taurus Rising

October 18, 2025 - December 5, 2025

June 1, 2026 - October 31, 2026

Jupiter will be transiting your 3rd house in Cancer and will be aspecting your 7th house while Saturn is transiting your 11th house in Pisces and aspecting your 1st house.

Gemini Rising

May 14, 2025 - October 18, 2025

December 5, 2025 - June 1, 2026

Jupiter is transiting your 1st house in Gemini and aspecting your 7th house, while Saturn is transiting your 10th house in Pisces and aspecting your 7th house.

Cancer Rising

July 24, 2028 - December 26, 2028

March 29, 2029 - August 24, 2029

Jupiter will be transiting your 3rd house in Virgo and will be aspecting your 7th house while Saturn will be transiting your 10th house in Aries and will be aspecting your 7th house.

Leo Rising

May 1, 2030 - September 22, 2030

Jupiter will be transiting your 3rd house in Libra and will be aspecting your 7th house while Saturn will be transiting your 10th house in Taurus and will be aspecting your 7th house.

Virgo Rising

May 30, 2032 - August 12, 2032

October 23, 2032 - March 17, 2033

Jupiter will be transiting your 5th house in Capricorn and will be aspecting your 1st house while Saturn will be transiting your 10th house in Gemini and will be aspecting your 7th house.

Libra Rising

December 26, 2028 - March 29, 2029

August 24, 2029 - January 24, 2030

Jupiter will be transiting your 1st house in Libra and will be aspecting your 7th house while Saturn will be transiting your 7th house in Aries and will be aspecting your 1st house.

Scorpio Rising

April 16, 2030 - May 1, 2030

September 22, 2030 - February 17, 2031

June 13, 2031 - October 15, 2031

Jupiter will be transiting your 1st house in Scorpio and will be aspecting your 7th house while Saturn will be transiting your 7th house in Taurus and will be aspecting your 1st house.

Sagittarius Rising

May 14, 2025 - October 18, 2025

December 5, 2025 - June 1, 2026

Jupiter is transiting your 7th house in Gemini and aspecting your 1st house while Saturn is transiting your 4th house in Pisces and aspecting your 1st house.

Capricorn Rising

October 18, 2025 - December 5, 2025

June 1, 2026 - October 31, 2026

January 24, 2027 - June 25, 2027

Jupiter will be transiting your 7th house in Cancer and will be aspecting your 1st house while Saturn is transiting your 3rd house in Pisces and is aspecting your 5th house.

Aquarius Rising

June 25, 2027 - November 26, 2027

February 28, 2028 - July 24, 2028

Jupiter will be transiting your 7th house in Leo and will be aspecting your 1st house while Saturn will be transiting your 3rd house in Aries and will be aspecting your 5th house.

Pisces Rising

November 26, 2027 - February 28, 2028

Jupiter will be transiting your 7th house in Virgo and will be aspecting your 1st house while Saturn will be transiting your 1st house in Pisces and will be aspecting your 7th house.

‼️IT'S ABSOLUTELY POSSIBLE‼️ that you will enter a new romantic relationship and get engaged/married MUCH SOONER than the dates listed here for your rising sign!

It all depends on whether transiting Jupiter and Saturn will aspect your 1st and 7th house lord, plus you also need to be in a helpful Dasha period that activates your 1st and 7th house, and there should be indicators in your Venus Return chart of either a new relationship, engagement or marriage happening.

If you're interested in finding out exactly when it'll happen for you, DM me to book a Love Life Checkup reading for $22.

[valyrfia]

I think Max will either retire or move to Ferrari in 2027

OUR LESBIAN FERRARI PROPHET SAYS SO? DROP THE TIMELINE

Okay okay anon walk with me.

So I think Lewis is Ready for Retirement. I think he would've retired at Mercedes, eighth championship be damned, if Mercedes had just given him an ambassador contract so he could've used his position and his brand for the causes he wants to dedicate the second half of his life to. As is, Mercedes refused to give him that contract (which, I could go on for AGES about how blindly ridiculous that is and is a clear marker of how far this sport still has to go re: racism)–but Ferrari did.

However, to be a Ferrari ambassador, a 2+1 year race contract accompanies it. Obviously this is a good move for Lewis anyway since it's looking like Ferrari will be one of the quickest teams moving into 2025 and Lewis must have some information on how they might nail the regulation change come 2026, but, and this may be controversial. Charles Leclerc is an established driver at Ferrari, the absolute darling of the tifosi (I mean, he's the second most important person in Italy after the literal pope), and most importantly he's a driver that has not yet hit his ceiling. Now, this is where I tread carefully, but I believe that Lewis, in comparison, is past his prime. Sure, he pulled off an incredible drive at Silverstone this year but he has not been able to match George–and George I believe is currently at a lower level than Charles. I have a sneaking suspicion that Charles is, well, going to walk all over Lewis next year. And if Lewis truly has only moved for the sake of the ambassador contract, he'll break the racing contract after 2 years.

Okay but Ollie is supposedly lined up for that Ferrari seat, and Ferrari NEED an order of succession, so who says that Max will take it?

Red Bull Racing is falling apart at the seams (sorry RB fans). Christian Horner is a power-hungry [REDACTED] who will bring the whole team down with him. The Thai side have never really cared about the Formula 1 team (and I know from Sources, backed Christian Horner in this whole fiasco which is why CH wasn't fired). Newey is gone, I'm sure other key figures will get pinched in the next couple of years, Max has kept everything together for pure skill this past year but the writing is on the wall. I'm going to hold everyone's hands when I say this, but I don't think Red Bull are winning either championships next year....

However, for as much as Max loves to talk about it, I don't think he's actually ready for retirement. I also don't think he'll be the type of guy to retire on a low. Max's contract is until 2028, but he can break it if he drops to P3 in the championship, which, I think there's a non-zero chance of happening in 2026 especially under new regulations/brand new engines.

So Ferrari are likely going to nail the new regs, Max doesn't want to retire on a low, and it looks like Ferrari shopping for a driver and Max wanting to leave Red Bull will line up within roughly the same window.

There's also a couple of sentimental reasons I want to point to. Max (as much as he tries to deny it) is a victim of the old Red Bull Golden Boy curse of being a Ferrari fan. I mean, he literally grew up in the Schumacher era, with his father being friends with Schumacher. He's stated multiple times how if he can't hear the Dutch anthem on the podium he'd like to hear the Italian one. I suspect deep down, he's much more of a tifoso than any of us realise.

There's also the Charles Leclerc of it all. Now really walk with me here because this is tenuous and yes is coming from a known Lestappie (tomato tomato) but isn't really a Lestappen argument.

Charles throughout his entire career has been obsessed with measuring himself up against those who are considered the "best of the best" and showing that he can beat them. He ate Seb alive, he'll likely do the same with Lewis. But both of these are drivers past their primes, at the very end of their lifespans. Charles has still yet to prove he can go toe to toe with a great at their prime and win.

Charles is, literally obsessed, with comparing himself to Max in interviews. Now (RIGHTLY SO) we Lestappies all point and laugh and call him a little obsessed but there's a very real publicity reason he wants to insist to everyone how him and Max were on each other's level in karting–people will subconsciously start to associate Charles as being on Max's level even if he hasn't proven it with championships. It's a very calculated move by Charles, and one I haven't seen many people discuss. Charles wants his name and Max's to be said in the same sentence because it validates Charles' own skill.

But Charles doesn't want to be known as Max's equal, not really, what he really wants is to be considered better than Max. And if he can't do that through number of championships, he can do it by putting the two of them in equal machinery. I think Charles will actually push Ferrari into trying to sign Max, because this is the way he can cement himself firmly as one of the greatest F1 drivers of all time.

So I think a perfect storm of these combination of different factors will result in a Max to Ferrari move in 2027. Obviously all pure speculation, but drawing everything together, I'd give it maybe a 50% chance (providing Ferrari actually do come together which, Forza).

[marithempressz]

Saturn in Aries: How is it going to affect your life?

Hey, dear ones! For today’s reading, I’ll be channeling how this transit of Saturn in Aries is going to affect your lives. This transit began on May 25th and will continue until September 1st, as Saturn will retrograde back into Pisces — giving us a chance to revisit and review unfinished business. Saturn will return to its direct motion on November 28th, and re-enter Aries on February 13th, where it will remain until April 2028. During this initial period of Saturn in Aries (May 25 – September 1), we’ll be in contact with a new energy — the structure of a reality that is still in the process of being born. Here, Saturn calls us to take responsibility for our desires and willpower. It demands patience, discipline, and refinement when it comes to our passions. It's a time to practice autonomy with responsibility. And, of course, ruptures may occur — because for the new to emerge, we must leave behind what no longer fits. So, my intention with this reading is to explore what Saturn in Aries is asking from you, and how it’s likely to influence your path.

Enjoy the reading! 🌟

pile 1, pile 2, pile 3

Pile 1

The High Priestess, Two of Cups, Justice

Card for Advice: Temperance

Those who chose this pile may already have a sense of what lies ahead. You have a strong intuition and are deeply aligned with your guides. There is a relationship coming into your life that will bring justice and balance. You're not meant to know exactly how everything will unfold — you’re being asked to leave room for mystery.

I sense that multiple types of relationships will come your way — not just romantic ones. Considering the influence of Saturn in Aries, these connections will likely be new and transformative. You’ll be gifted not only with new people in your life but also with a new way of engaging in relationships. You'll rely more on your intuition than ever before, because you now have clarity about what you want — and you understand that those around you reflect your values. Don’t waste this opportunity (though I don’t believe you will).

Very intriguing energy. You are not alone — your guides are making their presence felt clearly as you walk this new path. This is a special moment to prove yourself, to stay consistent in your choices, so you can see how clearly your decisions bring tangible results into your life. You're stepping into a place of authority, building it from the ground up — so act like it.

Pile 2

Six of Wands, Four of Swords, Seven of Wands

Cards for Advice: The Hierophant and Two of Wands

You’ll need to review the way you see the world, which may currently be rigid and inflexible. This will require both courage and patience, as it's not something that will shift instantly. Saturn is the master of limitations, so you’ll begin to feel internally that the ideas you’ve held — and the identity you’ve constructed — are no longer serving you.

The cards show me that you're already aware of your need to build a new version of yourself, and that you’re on this path with a fair amount of confidence.

That’s a good sign! Everything related to your values is being re-evaluated during this period — including your sense of comfort, and you may find yourself being pushed out of your comfort zone. This is a time where you’ll be fully present on a “construction site,” so to speak. You’ll be analyzing every detail of what you're envisioning for your future.

There’s a feeling here — almost ethereal — of not knowing exactly who you are anymore, or what you thought you were. Even your relationship with your physical body may feel unclear. Everything is shifting, and it’s hard to recognize what things used to be.

The results of this experience will be successful — if you commit to yourself.

Pile 3

Page of Swords, Justice, King of Swords Cards for Advice: Ace of Swords and Three of Swords

Wow — so many swords here! Are you writing a thesis? An article? Inventing something? There’s a strong sense of discovery and mental stimulation. Your whole reading is filled with swords, which brings an energy of curiosity, intellect, and new ideas. You're definitely developing something new, and while it’s exciting, the work feels quite intense and demanding. You might even be involved in law or legal matters — which would make sense, given all these swords.

That said, the Three of Swords is really standing out to me. This won’t resonate with everyone, of course, but it makes me wonder if this new work or pursuit is somehow connected to heartbreak or emotional pain. There might be a personal justice you’re fighting for — possibly even something like a divorce or a deep emotional shift tied to your purpose.

This reading does feel a bit scattered — which may reflect how you're feeling right now: confused, overwhelmed, or facing many things at once.

There’s also a clear message about a decision that needs your attention. You’ll have to approach it with logic and honesty. Swords are all about truth, and the Justice card reinforces that theme. You’re being called to take a strong, grounded stance regarding a choice you’re making.

Lastly, I’d say you're likely to experience a flood of new information or ideas during this time. You're evolving in your idealist or intellectual side, and it’s shaping a new chapter in how you think, speak, and act.

[aeth-eris]

★ shadow work for each rising sign: navigating the transformative transits of 2025-2026 ★

☆ pluto into aquarius:

first entry: march 23, 2023 (retrograded back into capricorn in 2023)

re-enters aquarius: november 19, 2024

fully settles in aquarius: january 20, 2025

stays in aquarius until 2043, as pluto spends about 20 years in each sign.

☆ uranus into gemini:

first entry: july 7, 2025

retrogrades back into taurus: november 8, 2025

re-enters gemini and stays: april 26, 2026

stays in gemini until 2033, with uranus spending about 7 years in each sign.

☆ neptune into aries:

first entry: march 30, 2025

retrogrades back into pisces: october 22, 2025

re-enters aries and stays: january 26, 2026

stays in aries until 2039, as neptune spends approximately 13-14 years in each sign.

☆ saturn into aries:

first entry: may 24, 2025

retrogrades back into pisces: september 1, 2025

re-enters aries and stays: february 13, 2026

stays in aries until february 15, 2028, as saturn spends about 2.5 years in each sign.

★ aries rising ★ pluto’s move into aries rising’s 11th house of friendships and goals pushes them to face insecurities around group identity and social roles. shadow work here involves examining where they may have masked self-doubt with a bold presence, fearing they might fade into the background. they may discover a tendency to lead or assert control as a way to feel valued. meanwhile, neptune and saturn in the 1st house challenge them to question if their confident self-image hides deeper vulnerabilities, asking if they’ve built a facade to protect against rejection. addressing these dynamics will allow aries rising to embrace authenticity in both social groups and personal identity, finding strength in their true self instead of external validation. ☆ prompts: “where do i feel the need to ‘prove’ myself to others? how do i feel about the idea of taking a less prominent role in group settings? am i masking insecurity with confidence, and if so, where can i soften and allow my true self to be seen?”

★ taurus rising ★ pluto’s transit through taurus rising’s 10th house of career asks them to address attachments to public success and stability. shadow work involves exploring fears of failure, especially if they’ve tied self-worth to professional achievements or status. with uranus moving through the 2nd house of values and finances, taurus rising is also called to question if material wealth has become a substitute for inner security. they may uncover scarcity mindsets or a hidden fear of instability. by confronting these shadows, taurus rising can redefine their sense of success and security, focusing on inner values over external rewards and building a career path aligned with their true needs. ☆ prompts: “how does my career affect my sense of worth? where am i relying on material wealth for a sense of security? what do i fear losing if my career or financial situation changes? what would true inner security feel like for me?”

★ gemini rising ★ as pluto transforms gemini rising’s 9th house of beliefs, they’re called to re-evaluate core philosophies that may have limited their growth. shadow work involves confronting any fear of uncertainty or “not knowing” that could lead them to cling to rigid beliefs. uranus in the 1st house encourages self-reinvention, but they may hesitate to break free from familiar identities, fearing they’ll lose themselves. they’re invited to examine any habits of hiding emotions behind wit or intellect. by releasing these fears, gemini rising can embrace a fluid, open-minded approach to life that honors both their curiosity and evolving identity, allowing them to connect authentically with others. ☆ prompts: “what beliefs or ideas do i feel resistant to let go of? where do i avoid vulnerability by intellectualizing or using humor? who am i without my established ideas and perspectives? how would embracing change deepen my self-expression?”

★ cancer rising ★ pluto in cancer rising’s 8th house of intimacy and transformation encourages them to confront fears around vulnerability and dependence on others. shadow work involves addressing any control issues in relationships that may stem from fears of betrayal or emotional pain. with neptune and saturn in the 10th house, cancer rising is also asked to question whether their career choices reflect their true self or if they’ve sought “safe” paths to avoid risk. they may find they’ve neglected personal fulfillment for security. by embracing openness in relationships and honesty in career pursuits, cancer rising can create a life that aligns with their authentic self, balancing vulnerability with resilience. ☆ prompts: “how do i respond when i feel vulnerable in relationships? what control tendencies do i rely on to avoid emotional risk? am i compromising personal fulfillment for security in my career? what would true openness look like in both my relationships and career?”

★ leo rising ★ with pluto in leo rising’s 7th house of relationships, they’re invited to explore where their self-worth is intertwined with external approval. shadow work involves examining any patterns of people-pleasing or overcompromising due to hidden fears of rejection. uranus in the 11th house prompts them to shift their social dynamics and find fulfillment beyond admiration. neptune and saturn in the 9th house further challenge leo rising to question long-held beliefs that may have propped up their public image rather than supported authentic growth. by working through these dynamics, leo rising can develop relationships based on mutual respect and self-confidence, finding satisfaction beyond external validation. ☆ prompts: “where am i seeking approval in relationships and social circles? what beliefs about myself might i have formed around admiration or validation? what would it feel like to create connections based purely on mutual respect and authenticity? how can i affirm my self-worth without external reinforcement?”

★ virgo rising ★ pluto’s influence in virgo rising’s 6th house of work and health calls them to confront perfectionism and productivity-based self-worth. shadow work here involves examining any beliefs that their value is tied to their usefulness, revealing a fear of inadequacy. with uranus transiting the 10th house, they’re encouraged to redefine career goals and embrace innovative paths, shedding rigid ideals of success. they may uncover where they’ve sacrificed personal joy for others’ approval. by releasing control over outcomes, virgo rising can foster a healthier relationship with work, recognizing that self-worth isn’t defined by accomplishment, and embracing balance over perfection. ☆ prompts: “in what areas of my life do i feel driven by the need to be ‘perfect’? how does being useful contribute to my sense of worth? what would embracing imperfection allow me to experience in my daily life? where am i putting others’ needs before my own joy, and how can i shift this?”

★ libra rising ★ pluto’s energy in libra rising’s 5th house of creativity and romance brings up insecurities around self-expression, inviting them to confront fears of rejection or failure in love and creativity. shadow work involves exploring where they’ve stifled individuality to gain admiration. with neptune and saturn transiting the 7th house of relationships, libra rising is also asked to address dependency patterns, particularly where they’ve put their own needs aside to maintain peace. they’ll need to confront any fear of being alone, understanding that harmony begins with self-acceptance. through this process, libra rising can cultivate self-worth, finding freedom to express their true self in love and creativity. ☆ prompts: “where have i held back my true self in creative or romantic expressions? what am i afraid others will see if i show my full self? how do i compromise my needs to keep the peace, and what would happen if i didn’t? how can i practice self-acceptance in relationships, so my needs are honored?”

★ scorpio rising ★ with pluto in scorpio rising’s 4th house of home and family, they’re prompted to confront emotional security and past patterns that may limit intimacy. shadow work involves addressing fears of vulnerability and abandonment, particularly where family dynamics may have shaped emotional defense mechanisms. with uranus in the 8th house of intimacy, they’ll feel challenged to release control issues that limit trust, uncovering fears of betrayal. this period encourages scorpio rising to establish security within, understanding that true strength comes from embracing emotions fully. by confronting these fears, they can build a foundation rooted in openness and trust, fostering deeper connections and self-acceptance. ☆ prompts: “what fears come up when i consider being vulnerable with those close to me? how have family dynamics influenced my current relationships? where do i exert control in intimate situations out of fear of betrayal? what would building security within myself, rather than relying on external stability, look like?”

★ sagittarius rising ★ sagittarius rising’s 3rd house of communication is transformed by pluto, pushing them to address insecurities around self-expression and social dynamics. shadow work here involves examining fears of judgment or appearing vulnerable, which may lead to overconfidence or projecting a confident facade. with neptune and saturn in the 5th house, they’re also encouraged to explore where they’ve avoided commitment or depth in relationships, fearing vulnerability. they may realize escapist habits have kept them from genuine connections. by embracing authenticity and communicating openly, sagittarius rising can cultivate deeper bonds, finding self-worth beyond surface interactions and discovering the joy of meaningful connections. ☆ prompts: “where do i hold back in conversations to avoid vulnerability? how do i use confidence as a shield against deeper connection? what would it look like to truly engage in depth with those i care about? where have i avoided commitment in relationships, and how has this limited my sense of connection?”

★ capricorn rising ★ pluto’s shift into capricorn rising’s 2nd house of values and finances invites them to confront deep-seated fears around scarcity and self-worth, especially where they’ve linked value to financial stability. shadow work involves addressing attachments to success and control, particularly if they equate worth with income or status. uranus’s influence in the 6th house challenges them to release rigid routines and embrace a more balanced approach to work. by confronting fears that tie self-worth to external achievements, capricorn rising can embrace a sense of value that transcends professional image, fostering a life that prioritizes both accomplishment and inner peace. ☆ prompts: “where have i connected my self-worth to my financial or career success? what beliefs do i hold about success and control, and how have they shaped my life choices? how would my daily life change if i released my need for financial validation? what does a balanced approach to work and self-care look like for me?”

★ aquarius rising ★ with pluto in aquarius rising’s 1st house, they face intense transformation of self-identity, urging them to confront fears around authenticity. shadow work involves addressing any fear of rejection or being “too different,” particularly where they’ve suppressed their individuality to fit in. with uranus in their 5th house, they’re encouraged to embrace creative and romantic vulnerability, examining where detachment may have limited expression. by releasing the need for external validation, aquarius rising can redefine self on their own terms, embracing uniqueness and developing deeper, more honest connections. ☆ prompts: “where do i feel the need to conform to be accepted? what parts of myself do i hold back in creative or romantic settings? how would it feel to let my unique qualities shine without fear of judgment? where am i relying on external validation for a sense of belonging?”

★ pisces rising ★ pluto’s move into pisces rising’s 12th house of the subconscious triggers a period of deep introspection, highlighting hidden fears and self-sabotaging tendencies. shadow work here involves facing unresolved pain or traumas that may have led to escapism or martyrdom. neptune and saturn in the 2nd house of values prompt them to re-evaluate self-worth, particularly where they’ve linked it to spiritual ideals or self-sacrifice. by addressing these patterns, pisces rising can establish a healthier foundation for self-worth, discovering inner strength and grounding their spirituality in reality. ☆ prompts: “what fears or past pain am i avoiding by disconnecting from reality? where do i overextend myself, sacrificing my needs for others? how have i equated worth with self-sacrifice, and how can i separate these? what would grounded self-worth look like in my daily life?”

[lakecountylibrary]

sending much love in this everyone is getting defunded time 💕💕💕💕 hope u guys are doing ok

Hi! Thanks! We are Going Through It!

The truth is, we don't how bad it's going to be for us specifically. You've heard of the federal-level funding problems; here in Indiana we're undergoing our own budget trials as well. Your support means the world to us.

I've put details about our state-level challenges as well as a refresher on the federal funding problems under the cut but here's the tl;dr:

There isn't much you can do for LCPL at the state level right now, but please call Congress and tell them to support libraries at the federal level.

The proposed FY2026 budget completely eliminates IMLS and that's not good. The American Library Association has a tool to make calling easy, complete with script!

And here are the promised details:

At the federal level:

The current administration used an executive order to dismantle the Institute of Museum and Library Services, which provided millions of dollars in grants to libraries across the country.

These IMLS grants were used to fund things like interlibrary loan systems, research databases, and braille/talking books libraries.

As of May 1, a temporary restraining order has been placed preventing the further dismantling of the department while things are investigated, but a lot of damage has been done.

On May 2, President Trump's FY2026 budget proposal [PDF] was released. On page 39, it calls for the complete elimination of IMLS (as well as many other departments such as the National Endowment for the Humanities and the National Endowment for the Arts). The American Library Association was able to sue for that temporary restraining order we mentioned partially because Congress HAD funded the IMLS for 2025. If Congress opts not to fund it for 2026 as suggested in this proposal, that'll be it.

This is the part where I repeat: please call Congress and ask them to support libraries. Here's the link with the script again.

And here's what's going on locally in Indiana:

Funding for Dolly Parton's Imagination Library has been eliminated from the state budget. After some pressure, Governor Braun has handed the program over to his spouse to try to fund-raise what's needed to keep it running across the state. Here's an article from the Post-Tribune with some library officials' perspectives on that decision.

Funding for the Indiana State Library has been cut by 30% (HEA 1001)

A new property tax bill has been passed (SEA 1) that will drastically cut libraries' main source of income. The Indiana Library Federation reported: "The Legislative Services Agency’s fiscal impact statement shows that SEA 1 would reduce public library funding by over $12.2 million in 2026, growing to nearly $16.8 million by 2028." (source, PDF)

So it's sort of... a lot. Lately. Thank you for reading all of this, and thank you for supporting your libraries!

[moderato-allegro]

me when i'm bored and start deducing ace attorney characters' birthdays from the court record and dates of the cases

*assumes if someone (other than the victim) appears in a case their birthday doesn't happen during that case. birthday ranges are given with as few contradictions as possible

canon birthdays for reference: - dustin prince: september 6th 1987 (murdered on his birthday) - rayfa padma khura'in: december 24th 2013, aka almost christmas (birthdate used to open a safe)

deduced birthday ranges:

phoenix is the only character with a non-canon exact birthdate: october 10 1992. he tells maya he's 24 during 1-3 (oct 16-20 2016) and his profile says he's 33 during the 2026 part of 4-4 (oct 7-9 2026). since he ages 9 years but 4-4 is 10 years after 1-3 the only date possible where this can happen without his birthday happening during the case is october 10. this means he's 23 during 1-1 and 1-2 and 35 during 5-4 and 5-5, despite the court record saying he's 34.

miles has the next shortest range: september 1-4 1992. he's 24 during 1-2 (sep 5-9 2016) and 25 during 2-4 (mar 20-23 2018) so the range is march 24-september 4 1992. to have him in the same school year as phoenix i narrowed it down to the first days of september. this means his age during aa5 and 6-dlc is incorrect.

larry's is pretty easy to find out: he ages 1 year between i1-5 and i2-3 so the range is march 18-april 1 1993. this makes his age during 6-dlc incorrect, though.

iirc aa1 states that dl-6 happens when the above three are in fourth grade (2001), but due to their ages they would be in third grade in the us system.

maya is march 24-june 15 1999. she was 18 during aa2 (jun 16 2017-march 23 2018). this means she is 29 during 6-dlc, not 28, and she could have celebrated her birthday with phoenix in khura'in.

pearl is may 18-jun 15 2009. she was 8 during 2-2 (jun 16-22 2017) and 18 during 6-5 (may 16-17 2028). this means she was 18 during 5-dlc, not 17. also i'm not american but i think schools normally graduate in june over there and 5-dlc was in july, so she should have already graduated senior year by then.

i think ema is the only character from the original trilogy whose age didn't get fucked up after the seven year gap, but the downside is her birthday range spans two years: october 10 2000-february 21 2001. she was 16 during 1-5 (feb 22-25 2017) and 25 during 4-4 (oct 7-9 2026).

ok i know ema says she'll be "turning 16 this year" which implies she's 15 during 1-5 but the court record says she's 16. i went with the court record because it creates less problems and doesn't contradict the fact that she's in junior high.

lightning round for everyone else with deduced birthday ranges in one year! a lot of people's birthday ranges span across two years, so these people age a year less than the timeskip between the years suggest (e.g gumshoe ages 1 year between 2-2 and investigations, despite them being 2 years apart)

manfred von karma: september 11-december 23 1951 (49 during i2-3, 60 during i1-4)

marvin grossberg: april 12-september 4 1952 (61 during 3-1, 64 during aa1)

tyrell badd: september 11-december 23 1958 (42 during i2-3, 53 during i1-4, 60 during i1-5)

samson tangaroa: april 3-december 23 1961 (39 or 57 during i2-3)

winston payne: april 21-august 2 1964 (52 during 1-1, 61 during 4-1)

eddie fender: april 9-december 23 1982 (18 during i2-3, 36 during the rest of aai2)

judy bound: april 3-december 23 1984 (16 or 34 during i2-3)

dick gumshoe: may 4-jun 15 1986 (31 during aa2, 32 during aa3 and investigations)

will powers: april 9-october 15 1993 (23 during 1-3, 25 during i2-5)

lotta hart: march 24-april 4 1994 (23 during aa2, 25 during aai2)

adrian andrews: march 24-october 10 1994 (23 during 2-4, 24 during 3-2)

penny nichols: april 9-october 15 1998 (18 during 1-3, 20 during i2-5)

franziska von karma: april 9-june 15 1999 (18 during 2-2, 19 during aai2)

regina berry: april 9-december 27: april 9-december 27 2001 (16 during 2-3, 17 during aai2)

i2-3 was a bit annoying to work with as you can see lol

for myriam, robin and juniper i narrowed down their birthday range due to the fact that they're in senior year:

juniper woods & robin newman: september 1-october 23 2009

myriam scuttlebutt: january 1-august 31 2010

[astrologylunarfish]

Saturn moves into Aries ♈️

Saturn has been in Pisces for about 2.5 years and on March 24th 2025 it will move into Aries. While we are leading up to that date, we are at 29 degrees pisces Saturn, this energy carries a tension that we must solve. There may some final crises pop up that need to be addressed. Irritations may be high. Once Saturn moves into Aries the theme will shift to action. This is the beginning of a new Saturn cycle and represents a brand new era. In Aries we will look at where we need to be independent and where we need courage. How we stand on our own without neglecting others. What new ideas do we have that may be work that we need to do over a long period of time. We will look at life with a with a different perspective. The last 2 years, our lessons have been on empathy and compassion for others. What boundaries have we needed to find? There was also a wishy washy feeling. Aries will teach us the power of now and where we need to be decisive. For people with Saturn in Aries, you will experience your Saturn return and themes of finding who you are and where responsibilities will be.

Dates to remember:

5/24/2025 Saturn moves into Aries

7/13/2025 Saturn goes retrograde

9/1/2025 Saturn retrogrades back into Pisces

2/13/2026 Saturn is back in Aries until 4/12/2028

[xeenve]

Hellaverse Release Schedule! [THEORY]

May2025: Official Hazbin Hotel S2 poster? Alastors VA said May2025 begins the possible release window!

June2025: "It's Orphan Time" Helluva Short first out of the 8 new shorts. Also if not in May the Hazbin S2 official poster?

July2025: Comic Con, so Hazbin will be there. Last year that's when they announced S3 and S4. Maybe this year they'll announce when S2 and the trailer is coming? For Season 1 of Hazbin they announced this kind of thing in Oct. 2022 (when it was intended to release in June 2023, before the delay.) Thats an 8 month gap but it'll be shorter now because no delays and their animation has more money or whatever. Say the trailer in 3 months. So in July they'll likely announce when Hazbin S2 is coming + the trailer.

Also in July: Another Helluva Short (2/8)

August2025: Helluva Short (3/8)

September2025: Helluva Short (4/8)

October2025: Hazbin Hotel S2 Trailer (Hazbin S1 trailer came a month before release.)

Also October 2025: HelluvaBoss x Moeflavor merch collab thing

Novemebr2025: Hazbin Hotel Season 2 (This fits perfectly with what Viv and Alastor's VA said).

December 2025: Finish off Hazbin Season 2'

January 2026- March 2026: Nothing, probably a mini hiatus because we got fed with Hazbin Hotel

April2026: LVL UP EXPO 2026, So Helluva Boss Stuff? They might show HelluvaBoss season 3 trailer. Helluva S3 starts in July 2026? Because of the prime deal more EPs come closer together so it'll be further out.

They might also show Helluva Short (6/8) like last year, along with the trailer.

(Remember, Viv mentioned in her New Years 2025 post that she wants Helluva to now have closer releases. I don't think like Hazbin probably like how Ghostfuckers Mastermind and Sinsmas came close, like that.)

May 2026: Helluva Short (7/8)

June 2026: Helluva Short (8/8)

July 2026: Helluva Boss Season 3 Episode 1

August 2026: Helluva Boss Season 3 Episode 2 on Prime

And Helluva S3 EP1 Releases on YouTube

September 2026: Helluva Boss Season 3 Episode 3 on Prime

And Helluva S3 EP2 Releases on YouTube

October 2026: Helluva S3 EP3 Releases on YouTube

November/December2026: Nothing because we just got fed

January-March2027: Maybe more Helluva shorts Also maybe Hazbin Hotel S3 could get some announcemsnts. They're already done recording it, for Hazbin S2 they didn't finish recording until after S1 came out.

April2027: LVL UP EXPO: More Helluva announcements

2027 or 2028: Hazbin Hotel Season 3 and more HelluvaBoss season 3?

[justagalwhowrites]

Yearling - Ch. 39: Returning

Your family comes back to Jackson. A continuation of Yearling ch. 1-38 found on Tumblr here.

Pairing: Joel Miller x Female Reader

Warnings: Smut. Aftermath of canon-typical violence, including graphic depiction of injury. Mention of past sexual assault, not described. No use of Y/N. Minors DNI 18+ Only 

Length: 10k

A/N: We are through the spoiler-y portion now and you're all OK to read from here if you just want to see how the fic starts to come to a close. There is no more overlap with TLOU 2.

AO3 | Chapter One | Previous Chapter | Next chapter

May, 2017 

“Mama!” 

Savvy’s voice was shrill, panicked. That scared you more than getting thrown off a horse had and your head shot up to make sure nothing had happened to her in the few seconds you’d been flying through the air and getting your bearings after hitting the ground with a thud. 

But your daughter was fine, just watching you from her place on the other side of the fence posts as you worked to break the feral horse you’d taken just a few weeks earlier. She was at the hardest stage now, the part where you had to be on her back but she didn’t want you there. She was used to a saddle, used to pressure guiding her. She was even used to you. She just wasn’t used to giving up the last wild parts of her, even though you were offering her a life that was better for her, one with care and shelter and protection from what would kill her in the wild. 

“Are you OK?” Savvy asked, her eyes wide. You should have anticipated this. She’d never seen you get thrown off a horse before, of course it would scare her. She looked like she was about to climb the fence to come check on you, her little hands bracing on the wood post. 

“I’m alright, baby girl,” you said quickly, holding your palm out to stop her. “You stay right there, OK?” 

She nodded but frowned, her little eyebrows drawing together as she watched you get back to your feet, the book you’d told her to read so you could keep an eye on her while you worked discarded in the dirt. 

You groaned a little as you shook the tension from your limbs, cracking your neck as you did before going for the horse again. 

“Mama!” Savvy yelled again, stopping you in your tracks. You looked back at her, frowning. “Mama, no! You’re going to get hurt, you can’t go on her again, she’s scary and…” 

“Oh, baby,” you said, going and kneeling in front of her, brushing her curls back from her small face. “I have to.” 

She frowned. 

“Why?” 

You smiled at her, at the concern in her warm, brown eyes.

“Because, when you get thrown - when something gets hard - you don’t give up,” you said. “When you give up, you lose so much that you’ve already worked so hard for. It can be hard and it can be scary, but if I gave up on her now, I’m letting her down, too. When you get thrown, you have to get back up. Even when it’s hard, even when it’s scary, you get back on the horse. If you get back on the horse, it’ll be OK. Understand?” 

She watched you for a moment before giving you a firm nod. You smiled and kissed her forehead before steeling yourself and getting back on the horse.

May, 2028 

The way you rode with Joel wasn’t comfortable but you didn’t care. You needed to be close to him. 

You sat side saddle, more on his lap than anything else, precariously balanced and nestled in his arms but it was where you had to be. You pressed your face into his neck and breathed him in and even though he smelled mostly of sweat and horse it was a comfort. You closed your eyes and tried not to listen to anything, just the sound of his breathing. 

He didn’t say much, only occasionally pressing his face into your head and kissing you there and whispering you’re OK, I’ve got you every few minutes. You weren’t sure if it was for him or for you. 

You weren’t sure how long you’d been riding but it had been dark for what seemed like a long time when you stopped for the night. 

“C’mon Bambi,” Tommy said gently as he helped you down. His touch still made you flinch. “It’s OK. Just me, not going to hurt you.” 

He half caught you as you more fell off the horse than dismounted and you realized just how uncomfortable your position had been as your body realigned. It just didn’t hurt as much as so many parts of you so it didn’t bother you as you rode. Joel’s hands were on you again almost immediately, pulling you against him. 

“Careful,” Joel said, guiding you to a large tree to sit in the cradle of its roots. He lowered you gently to the ground before he knelt in front of you, carefully pulling your shirt back enough to see the knife wound from Mitchum’s guard on your arm. He spent a few minutes carefully patching you up, cleaning the cut and bandaging it. You kept your injured hand tight against yourself, like you could somehow hide from Joel just how broken you were. 

When he was done, he brushed your hair back before cupping your cheek, his gaze deep and almost sad.

“I’m gonna go help Tommy set the perimeter…” 

Your eyes went wide at that, the thought of him being where you couldn’t see or feel him sending a thrill of panic up your spine. 

“Just for a few minutes,” he said, voice soothing and gentle. “Girls will be with you the whole time. You’re OK, sweetheart. I’ve got you.” 

You nodded and he pressed his lips to your forehead, lingering there before he pulled away from you. You closed your eyes and pressed yourself back against the tree, needing to have something at your back so you knew nothing could come and take you when you couldn’t see them coming. 

“Mom?” Savvy said quietly. You opened your eyes and found her standing beside you in the dark. “Can I… is it OK if I sit with you?” 

“Of course,” you said, your voice sounding and feeling oddly foreign to you, and you watched as she slowly, cautiously lowered herself down beside you. You kept your left hand clutched to your chest but held your right arm out and she gingerly fit herself against you there, nuzzling into your shoulder. You kissed the crown of her head, her curls tickling your nose and you gave her a squeeze before trailing your fingers gently through her hair. 

“Are you OK?” You asked quietly. She nodded but took a deep, shuddering breath. You relished that for a moment, that you could feel that she was alive an that she wanted to be close to you. “You can talk to me, it’s OK.” 

“I was so afraid,” she said, her voice wet. “I thought I’d never see you again and I never had the chance… You never told me about them and what… what they did.” 

“I know,” you said, continuing to hold her. 

“Why?” She asked. “I was so mad at you but it wasn’t your fault and you could have just told me and I would have understood, I would have known and I wouldn’t have been so… so…” 

Her voice trailed off and you pressed your lips to the crown of her head again, breathing in the smell of her, trying to put words to it. 

“You’re my baby,” you said eventually. “I want to protect you from everything. That’s my job, it’s the most important job I’ve ever had. I didn’t protect you then…” 

“Mom,” she said, sitting up from you a little to look you in the eye in the moonlight, like she was getting ready to fight you on it. 

“I didn’t,” you said. “I wish I could have but I wasn’t able to for a very long time. Keeping you from knowing about that stuff… I could protect you that way. I didn’t want that in your head. I still don’t.” 

She watched you for a moment before she deflated before you.

“I know you tried,” she said weakly. “I remember, the night they came… I heard the gunshots, I know you tried. I was so afraid then, too. I thought they killed you, I thought…” 

“I know,” you said softly. “And I’m sorry.” 

“I’m really sorry,” she said, tucking herself against you again. You could feel her tears dampening the cotton of your shirt. “I shouldn’t have been so mad at you, I’m so mad at myself now because I… I was just so angry because I didn’t understand and…” 

“It’s OK,” you soothed her. “Don’t be mad at yourself baby girl, please don’t. You went through so much, you survived so much all on your own that you never should have gone through. Of course you were mad, it’s right to be angry when something hurts you like that…” 

“But you didn’t hurt me,” she said, holding you tighter. “You didn’t just leave me. And I should have known that you would never have done that. I should never have been angry with you.” 

“It’s OK,” you said again. “We’ve found each other now, that’s all that matters, right?” 

“Yeah,” she nodded into you. “I love you, Mom.” 

You held her a little closer. 

“I love you, too,” you whispered. “So, so much.” 

After a few minutes, Ellie joined you, too. She didn’t seem to want to talk, something you were thankful for because you weren’t sure how well you’d hold it together. The conversation with Savvy had taken so much out of you. You needed to take care of them both, look out for them, help them through their pain and their fear but you barely had it in you to do it. It was like everything inside yourself was dedicated to keeping yourself alive and in one piece - as much as you could since they’d already cut pieces of you away. You didn’t have anything left in you to do anything else. 

Instead of asking for your words, Ellie sat silently on your left side and you cautiously, hesitantly, put your arm around her, your injured hand coming to rest against her. She put her head on your shoulder and you kissed her there before resting your cheek against her and closing your eyes. You tried to focus on the two of them, that you could feel that they were alive and that they were safe, knowing it with real certainty for the first time since Kyle had shown up at your door what felt like an eternity ago. 

When the men got back, Tommy volunteered to keep watch all night and Joel tried to protest but Tommy silenced him quickly. 

“You ain’t slept in days,” he said sharply. “Stay with your wife. I’ve got it.” 

You frowned as Joel set out his sleeping bag and helped you into it before joining you there, set a little away from where Ellie and Savvy were so there was a semblance of privacy. 

“You’re alright,” Joel said, so softly you weren’t sure that he’d even intended the words for you. “I’ve got you.” 

“You haven’t slept?” You asked quietly. You kept your injured hand between your bodies, tight against your chest while Joel’s arms were around you, the one below you tucked under your head so you could use him as a pillow, the other cradling your body against his. 

“Couldn’t,” he said, his lips brushing your forehead. “Not without you.” 

“I’m sorry,” you said, tears pinching tight in your throat. You hated that this had hurt him, too. 

“No,” he whispered. “Don’t be. It’s not your fault, sweetheart. You saved them, I would have done the same thing.” 

He held you so close and you felt him breathe, felt the subtle rattle inside of him and you knew he was crying. You wished you had it in you to soothe him and take care of him the way he was taking care of you but you couldn’t take any other pain into yourself. Instead, you cried, too, until you fell asleep in your husband’s arms. 

The next morning, you jerked awake, heart racing but you couldn’t remember why. It took you a moment to realize where you were, that you were safe and that Savvy and Ellie were safe, too. Your whole body was tense, a bowstring drawn too tight and ready to snap. 

“You’re OK,” Joel’s hand was tracing a delicate path over your spine and your face was buried in his throat. His voice was so quiet, the coo of a morning dove trees away was louder. “Never let anyone hurt you again, you’re safe.” 

You took a deep, shaky breath and he kissed the crown of your head and just held you until you felt like you could move. 

When Tommy and the girls took the horses to a nearby stream to drink and to fill up canteens before leaving camp, it left you and Joel alone - truly alone - for the first time. You were nestled into his chest as he leaned back against a tree, both of his hands on you, always touching you. 

“You can talk to me,” he said. “Don’t want you feeling like you need to protect me from any of it. I’m here for you, sweetheart. Whatever you need, it’s yours.” You swallowed hard but nodded into him. “Can I ask you for something?” 

You frowned but you didn’t stop him. He took a deep breath. 

“Can I see your hand?” He asked. You froze against him, not even breathing. He gave you a little squeeze. “I just want to see if it’s healing, baby.” 

You held it a little tighter to yourself. 

“You know?” You asked quietly. There was something that felt so wrong about Joel knowing that another man had cut part of you away for himself.

He gave you another small squeeze. 

“Made Cody pay for it,” he said. “Made ‘em pay for fuckin’ all of it.” 

You took a deep breath and sat back from him, just enough to unwind the makeshift bandage from around your hand. When it was just loose fabric over your wound, you took a shaky breath and looked at Joel. He was watching you closely, one hand gently cupping your elbow, his thumb rubbing reassuring circles over you there. You could tell he was trying to keep from showing much emotion, his face flat, but the way he was looking at you still told you everything. He was hurting, so much pain behind his eyes that it was hard not to drown in it. You tried not to think about how afraid he must have been, coming back to Jackson and finding his entire family gone from the one place left on Earth that was supposed to be safe. He’d reached you but you had to carry this with you now, for the rest of your life. Evidence of just how cruel this world was right on your hand, a constant reminder of what was waiting just outside the walls. 

“It’s OK,” he said gently and you took a deep breath before pulling the fabric back from your hand. You watched Joel’s face as you did, watched him fight to not flinch at the mangled flesh that was your hand. He took your palm gingerly in his large hands and you finally looked down at your remaining fingers, watching as Joel carefully examined you. He brushed his thumb on your palm below where the pieces of you had been cut away. 

“They burned it,” you said after a moment. “Stopped the bleeding.” 

“It’ll be OK,” he nodded and you fought to swallow around the knot that had tightened in your throat. 

“He took my wedding ring,” you said softly, feeling the tear you’d been struggling to hold back slip down your cheek anyway. 

“No,” Joel shook his head, setting your hand gently on your leg, palm up before reaching into his pocket. He pulled your ring out, still dark sticky with blood but it was yours. “I took it back. Don’t need to decide what you want to do with it now but I have it, I’ll keep it safe for you. He didn’t get to take that.” 

You looked at it for a moment, nodding slowly. 

“Thank you,” you whispered. 

Joel tied your bandage around your hand again, finishing just as the other three returned with the horses and the water. 

You rode with Joel again, not feeling entirely conscious or even inside your body as you did. You still kept your left hand held close to your chest. Sometimes, you were keenly aware of the movement of the horse below you. Sometimes, you heard birds singing and frogs croaking and Ellie whispering to Savvy. Sometimes, you didn’t feel or see or hear or smell anything at all, just floating in space and time where nothing could take anything more from you. 

It was during one of those times where you were existing with nothing at all that you made it back to Jackson, Joel gently pulling you back to the present by pressing a kiss to your temple and talking low and gentle in your ear. 

The walls of the town were on the horizon and you stiffened. Even with damn near half the town back at Mitchum’s camp after the fight, you knew there would be people, people who would see you like this and know what had been done to you. 

“Just gonna get you to the doctor,” he said, sensing your discomfort. “Then we’ll get you home. It’s OK.” 

“Can we just go home, Joel?” You asked, burying your face in his neck. You knew you should be stronger than this. You knew you didn’t have anywhere inside yourself to find that strength. “Please, just take me home, I want to go home.”  

He held you a little tighter, the gates casting a shadow as they opened. 

“OK sweetheart,” he said. “I’ll take you home.” 

Joel guided the horse to your house, Tommy following close behind. You could feel eyes on you but you didn’t look up from your place tucked against Joel’s skin. Your brother in law helped you off the horse and helped you stay upright until your husband could tuck you against his side and return you to the place you felt safe. 

One Week Later 

You rarely left your bedroom. 

After Carol came by the house and examined you and Joel gently bathed you, washing you clean of everything that had happened, you’d only really left your room to use the bathroom. The curtains were drawn, the air was stale, you were coated in a layer of old sweat and you couldn’t bring yourself to care. 

At first, Joel rarely left your side. It was two days before you were without him even for a minute. He even went with you to the bathroom, his hand on your back on the walk down the hall and hovering just outside the door before walking you back to bed again. You mostly just laid on his chest, feeling him breathe, waiting for something - anything - to pull you away. You felt it coming, some amorphous thing hanging on the edge of your consciousness. Nowhere was safe. Not even Jackson. This was proven now. Something would find you, something would take everything that mattered away. It was always coming, it had been for more than 20 years, grasping for you in the form of your infected boyfriend or the man who didn’t want to take a no or the unseen death of your daughter’s father or those who took and took and took until there was nothing left. How could you be expected to live like that? Fighting and scratching an existence for yourself only to have it ripped away again and again and again. 

Staying in bed was safer. There was less to lose then. 

The third day, Joel left for a little while. You weren’t entirely sure where, but you were only alone for a few minutes, Ellie and Savvy coming to sit with you. You just held onto them and hoped that, whatever eventually came for you would spare them instead of using them as they had been before. 

Nothing did. 

Other people came by after that, too. Just to the house, Joel stopped them in the living room, seeming to understand that you couldn’t bear being seen this way. You heard them, occasionally, from your place in the bed. Their voices would filter upstairs and so would Joel’s replies. Tommy and Maria wanted to see how everyone was doing. Olivia gave updates on the stables and asked after you. Warren came by to tell Joel the final tally of the fight with Mitchum and how so much of the trouble that had cropped up for patrols over the last few years could be blamed on his fight for power. Even Julie visited, carrying a basket of snacks with her. Joel tried to get you to eat some. You managed a few berries before curling up again. 

You knew this had to be wearing on Joel. He weathered you waking up in a panic and fighting him before you remembered where you were and who you were with. He didn’t pressure you to leave the bedroom, instead bringing food and water and tea to you. He tried to get you to read but you weren’t interested so he read to you, instead. You didn’t process much of what he said but the sound of his voice was comforting and you would curl up against him as he read, drifting in and out of consciousness as he stroked your hair or ran his hand from your shoulder to your elbow and back again. 

The only thing that told you it had been a week that you’d been back was Carol. She came in your room with a gentle smile and asked to take your bandages off to check how you were healing. You kept your good hand in Joel’s the entire time, squeezing him tight because anyone but him or the girls being that close to you made you want to crawl out of your skin. 

“This is coming along well,” she said as she looked at your hand. “Really. You’ve come a long way in just a week. You will move past this and you will be OK.” 

You weren’t sure you could say anything so you didn’t try and you heard her giving Joel some care instructions in the hall before she left. You stared at the wall. 

“Hey,” Joel said when he came back in and sat on the edge of the bed. You curled your legs into your chest and watched him. He reached out and ran one large palm over your head. “How about a shower? Doc said should be easier now…” 

You watched him for a moment, worry in his eyes. He’d been with you like this for a week now. That was a long time for someone like Joel who liked to be moving and feeling like he was accomplishing something. It was unnatural for him to be here, stagnant like this with you. You knew how this must be hurting him, how his life would be better without needing to deal with this. 

You took a deep breath, bracing yourself for what you knew you needed to say. 

“I know this isn’t what you signed up for,” you looped your arms around your knees and pulling them tighter to yourself. “You don’t have to stay with me like this.” 

“Baby…” 

“I can move back to my old house,” you said, ignoring the tightness in your throat and chest as you said it, like the thought of being away from him was going to strangle you dead. “I think it’s still empty, you don’t need…” 

“No,” he cut you off, sharp and firm. 

“I know this isn’t what you want…” 

“The hell it’s not,” he snapped. He moved fully onto the bed, taking your face in his hands so firmly it almost hurt, his fingertips sinking into your skin. You took a deep, shaky breath and closed your eyes but he didn’t seem to be having that, either. “No, you look at me, goddammit, not letting you hide from this, you hear me?” 

You forced your eyes open, trying not to grimace as you looked at your husband, the man you wanted to be next to forever but couldn’t bear to keep dragging down like this. 

“You think I want you to leave?” He asked, brows raised so high they almost disappeared into his hair. “That I want you anywhere but next to me?” 

“Joel…” 

“I promised to love you and protect you,” he said. “You think that stops just because shit gets hard? You think I’m just going to let you go because somethin’ awful happened to you? I don’t care if I need to stay with you through this for another week or a year or a fuckin’ lifetime, I’m staying right fucking here. I love you, more than I ever thought I could love someone else and that don’t stop just because you need time!” 

“I don’t want to hurt you anymore!” You almost yelled it. “Please, I don’t want to drag you down with me, I can’t let you get dragged down with me, the girls need you and…” 

“They need you, too,” he cut you off. “And you’re not draggin’ me anywhere. You go, I go. That’s how this works, you and me. You hear me? Now, if… if you need to be away from me because of shit I’ve done -“ 

“No,” you shook your head as best you could in his grip but he continued on like you hadn’t spoken at all. 

“-then we’ll figure that out but we’ll do that together, not with you leaving because you think it’s what’s best for me, you understand me? I love you. I’m sticking by you. That ain’t changing.” 

You closed your eyes and Joel’s hold on you loosened, his hands moving from your face to your shoulders, his thumbs moving in soothing circles over your collarbone. 

“C’mon, sweetheart,” he said, the forcefulness gone now, just the quiet care left in his voice. “Let’s get you cleaned up. You’ll feel better.” 

He guided you to the bathroom and undressed you delicately as the water warmed up. He took off his socks but left on his jeans and t-shirt as he got in the shower with you. 

“Joel,” you whispered, your arms crossed over your chest as best you could. 

“It’s you and me,” he said. “We’re figuring this out together.” 

His hands moved over you slowly, firmly, cleaning your skin and your hair and working knots out of aching muscle. His clothes were dripping. He didn’t seem to notice. 

Another week later 

Joel had started going back to work. 

You’d insisted on it. You couldn’t keep him cooped up with you like this forever, you couldn’t bear to watch him slowly lose himself no matter how much he pretended like it was OK. 

He’d been reluctant, of course, and he wasn’t going on patrol or anything that took him away from the house for more than a few hours but you could tell that he was feeling better, now that he was pitching in around town again. 

Joel told you about some of what he did when he got back. He fixed the roof on a family’s house one day and told you about how the four-year-old boy there had showed him all his Matchbox cars before he left. Another day, Joel worked with Tommy to start figuring out good ways to expand the school as it was getting cramped, planning to bring their ideas to the council to decide how to move forward. Another, he told you about going to help Olivia at the stables and how people said they missed you and sent their best. 

The next day was when he came back with the kitten. 

“Brought you somethin’,” he said as he e came into your bedroom with it wriggling in his hold - the creature so small and his hand so large that it just fit in his palm. He set it on the bed next to you and you just gaped at it. 

“What…” 

“Couldn’t just leave it,” he shrugged. “It’s too new to survive on its own but it was all by itself. Figured, anyone here knows animals, it’s you. Thought it could use a mother.”

He’d apparently left the city walls for a few hours that day to test someone new on shooting for patrol. That’s when they found the kitten, snarling and ferocious, all alone near the shooting range. It was a little thing, black and white and fluffy with a tail that stuck straight up. Joel had scooped it up and tucked it inside a saddle bag before bribing it with some milk and chicken back in town. That had mellowed it some, its affection apparently easily bought as it ambled around the bed, pouncing at unseen prey and climbing on your legs. You smiled a little, watching it. 

“What are we supposed to do with a cat?” You asked, only glancing at Joel as you watched the kitten romp around. 

“Weren’t you sayin’ you were worried about mice in the barn?” He said. “Figured he can pitch in around here as much as anyone else. Earn his keep.” 

You laughed once, lightly, at that. The cat, paying rent in town with his presumed hunting skills. 

“Think you can raise ‘em up alright?” Joel asked. 

You reached out and ran a finger down his little back. He arched into your touch and you couldn’t help but smile a little. 

“I think so,” you said, even though you weren’t really sure that was true. 

But he did make you leave your room the next day. 

The kitten - who you decided to name Orion in hopes he lived up to his namesake in hunting skills - wanted to explore and you wanted to let him. You got out of bed to let him out of your room but it felt wrong, letting him go out there without someone watching him. This place was big and new and dangerous for him. He needed help. You didn’t go far, only making to the living room, but it felt like a different world to you, too. You sat on the couch, tucked as far back into the corner as you could go so you could feel things around you. It was the only way to be secure, knowing what was there. You weren’t sure how long you’d been sitting there when you watched Joel come up the front walk, jogging up the steps and unlocking the front door. He nearly jumped when he saw you there, sitting on the couch with your arms around your legs, the cat patting at the bottom of the curtain at the window. 

“Baby,” he said quickly, almost running for you before sitting next to you, tilting your face in his hand, examining you. “You alright? You hurt?” 

You frowned at him, his eyes still ranging over you. 

“I’m fine,” you said. “We just… wanted a change of scenery.” 

He nodded slowly, watching you cautiously. 

“And how we feelin’ about all that?” 

You considered that for a moment. 

“Alright, I think,” you said. “Better, with you here.” 

His lips tugged up ever so slightly at the edges. 

“Good,” he said. “That’s good.” 

He put a movie on for the two of you and, for a bit, you felt almost normal with him there beside you, tucked against his side as you watched things play out on screen. You felt secure enough that you started to doze off there, somehow exhausted even though all you’d done that day was come downstairs and sit on a couch. 

“C’mon sweetheart,” Joel said, giving you a squeeze as credits played. “Let’s get you upstairs.” 

It was something like waking up then. There were things happening around you that you realized had been happening for a while, you just hadn’t fully noticed. Joel helped you get get settled but didn’t get undressed himself. Instead, he got his pajamas from where they were folded on a chair in the corner and went to the bathroom, changing there. You frowned as he got into bed next to you and you pressed yourself against him, breathing in the warm, comforting smell of him. 

“Have you been doing that?” You asked quietly as he trailed his fingers up and down your spine. 

“Doin’ what?” He asked. You could hear the frown on his voice. 

“Getting ready for bed in another room,” you said. “I can’t remember from the last few days and…” 

You trailed off and he was quiet for a moment before he answered. 

“Yeah. Seemed… seemed smart.” 

Your frown deepened. 

“Why?” 

He sighed heavily, holding you a little tighter. 

“I don’t want to do anything that might hurt you or scare you,” he said slowly. “I dunno what they did to you - and you don’t need to tell me if you don’t want to - but… I know enough of what they did before and you wake up afraid a lot. Figure… well, last thing you might need is seeing an undressed man so I’ve just been making sure you don’t. S’OK. I don’t mind.” 

Your throat got tight and you nuzzled closer to him, suddenly missing his skin so much it hurt. 

“I’m not afraid of you,” you said quietly, your voice thick. 

“It’s OK if you are,” he replied. “Just don’t want to be something that hurts you.” 

“You’re not,” you said. “I… I feel safe with you.” 

He slowly, hesitantly pressed his lips to the top of your head. 

“Good.” 

You were silent for a minute and you could feel his body start to relax against you and you knew you should just let him rest but now that you realized it had been weeks since you’d last really felt his skin, you couldn’t think about anything else. 

“Joel?” You said eventually. 

“Hm.” 

“Can…” You took a deep breath. “Can you take your shirt off?” 

He pulled back from you, frowning slightly. 

“I just…” you watched him closely. “I miss being able to touch you.” 

“Sure, baby,” he said. “If that’s what you really want.” 

You just nodded and he sat up enough to tug his shirt over his head before settling beside you, letting you decide how close you wanted to be. You pressed yourself against him, burying your face in his chest and breathing deep, not realizing just how much you’d missed this until that moment. 

“I love you, Joel,” you said quietly, pressing a kiss to his skin. 

He took a shaky breath. 

“I love you too, Bambi.” 

You tried to leave your room every day after that, at least for a little while. You made yourself tea in the kitchen and gave Orion a treat or watched something on TV in the living room. Ellie and Savvy came by and played cards one afternoon, both of them completely charmed by the way the cat would rear back on his hind legs to try to catch a string. You made it as far as the front porch once but you only lasted a few minutes there, the space too open to feel safe. 

One day, you decided to go and spend time in the room you’d set up for Savvy, sitting cross-legged on the bed and looking around at how Joel had helped you put it together. You were just thinking about how to ask if she wanted to come spend the night at least when you heard the front door open. 

“Sorry,” Joel said. “She’s got good days and bad. This may be a bad day if she’s still in our room…” 

“Do you think she’d be up for talking about it?” Olivia’s voice was distinctive, even from the floor above. “Because it’s been weeks…” 

“Know how long it’s been,” Joel said, his voice sharp. “Not about to jeopardize her health because…” 

“The whole town relies on us and those horses,” Olivia cut him off, heated too. “I understand that she’s going through something and I don’t want to make it worse. She’s my friend and I care about her. But I need to know whether or not she’s coming back anytime soon because the horses she was working with before this happened? They’re backsliding. If I need to take over, fine, I’ll do my best but it won’t be what she can do and I don’t want to do it without talking with her and…” 

“Another day,” Joel said. “I know what’s at stake but I am not putting her at risk. It ain’t worth it.” 

They were quiet for a moment and then Olivia sighed. 

“Fine,” she said. “But it has to be soon. They can’t just stay wild like this here, it’s not good for them. There’s only so much longer they can go on like this.” 

You heard her leave and then Joel’s heavy sigh before walking - his limp apparent even from a floor away - to the kitchen. You took advantage of the sound of the running water to slip back into your bedroom, pressing yourself back against the headboard and closing your eyes for a moment. 

Olivia was right. You knew the horses you’d been just starting to break would be in rough shape now. The longer you let them go, the harder it would be to get them back and it was dangerous to let them go too long in captivity without training. They could hurt themselves in the stall, hurt another horse, hurt someone trying to care for them. You couldn’t afford to let them go, the town needed them. Something had to give. 

Joel didn’t mention Olivia when he came upstairs only a few minutes later. He brought you tea and toast with jam and you ate some of it, staring at your hand with the missing fingers as you used the ones that remained to hold the bread. Joel just sat next to you in bed, reading silently and absently stroking Orion and watching you out of the corner of his eye like he was afraid of what you might do if he wasn’t watching. Because, apparently, now you needed supervision to eat fucking toast.

He tried to coax you down to watch a movie that evening but you couldn’t bring yourself to leave the bed, your mind lingering on his conversation with Olivia, on all the things you were failing by still being here, like this. It was like you were still trapped there, still chained to that fucking wall, still waiting for the thing that was going to rip you apart. 

Joel held you as you tried to fall asleep - even though you weren’t sure you deserved it - and you knew it was going to be a rough night before it even began. 

You were right. You dreamed about Cody taking your daughters from where they were supposed to be safe and searching for them in the woods, desperate to reach them, ready to give every piece of yourself away in exchange but still not finding them. You dreamed about Mitchum and how he liked to hurt you, how his body felt like the weight of the world was suffocating you when he was on top of you. You dreamed of being trapped and caged and finding the only person left on the other side of the bars was yourself, standing there, holding the keys and watching, waiting. For what, you didn’t know. 

“Sweetheart!” Joel’s voice snapped you out of your head and, suddenly, you were back in his arms. The room was quiet and still and smelled like him and he was there, his eyes searching yours as he clutched you close. “Hey, it’s alright. We’re OK, I’ve got you. It’s just me, you and me, you’re safe. We’re all OK.” 

He ran his large palm over your head over and over, his eyes locked on yours, saying the words over and over and they were nothing new. They were things Joel had said probably every day since you’d been back, things he told you when he could feel you tense or when you panicked in your sleep. It was a familiar mantra, something you clung to when so much of the rest of the world seemed to be swallowed by chaos and cruelty. 

But this time, the settled in you differently. We’re OK. It’s just me, you and me. 

This thing you’d survived hadn’t just happened to you, not really. Yes, you’d been the one to willingly hand yourself over to monsters and you’d been the one to suffer what they wrought but it was Joel who came back from patrol to find his entire family gone. It was Joel who had searched for you, frantic and terrified, for days. It was Joel who had shepherded your daughters through your disappearance as they tried to shove their guilt away with vengeance. It was Joel who took the closest thing you’d get to justice from your tormentors. And after it all, he’d stood there, in the middle of this tempest, holding you through it, keeping your head above water. When everything threatened to pull you under, he was there. You weren’t alone. Not in this, not in anything. Not anymore. 

“Joel,” you whispered, reaching your hand up and trailing your fingers through his graying curls, his hair brushing against the scar tissue where your wedding band had once rested. 

“Hey baby,” he whispered back, the barest hint of a smile on his lips, his gaze less panicked. “You feeling OK? Want me to bring you anything? I can make you tea…” 

“No,” you said softly, still trailing your fingers through his hair. There’s a tightness in your stomach, one that was so foreign now but still so familiar when you were next to Joel. “That’s not what I want.” 

He watched you, his eyebrows drawing together ever so slightly and you could see just how restrained he was. You’d known Joel a long time, you knew how the whole of his body moved when in pleasure or pain, in certainty or confusion, even the fine muscles of his face - especially those - and he was holding back. He was protecting you, always protecting you, even now, even from himself. 

You didn’t want him to. 

“What do you need?” He asked gently, his hand going from your hair to your face, his thumb pressed below your cheekbone. 

You didn’t say anything. Instead, you watched him closely in the dark, keenly aware of how his body was in alignment with yours, how his leg had hooked over yours to tame your thrashing, how he held you close even though you knew you’d shoved him away so many times in your sleep. You moved closer to him slowly, your eyes staying locked on his as you hesitantly, delicately, kissed your husband for the first time in weeks. 

*** 

Joel had to fight to not moan at the feel of your lips on his. But they were soft and plush, giving to the press of his mouth, your body more relaxed than he’d felt in so long. 

He stopped himself, though. 

He couldn’t do this, not now, not with you like this. 

It had been weeks that you’d been back but, in so many ways, it was like you were still gone. You were so far away from him, so often just staring into space and sitting in silence. You didn’t seem to have any interest in listening to music or reading. The only thing that seemed to pry you out of that dark space within yourself was the cat - which he’d brought you out of sheer desperation - and the girls, but he wasn’t sure how genuine that was, if you were doing it because you wanted to or because you felt like you had to to take care of them. 

When you started leaving the bedroom, he’d had hope. He’d thought that, maybe, things were getting better. That you were willing to see beyond the boundaries of those four walls and into a future that was better, one where you were yourself again. And then you stalled out there, only occasionally going on the front porch the two of you had spent so much time together on, back in the days you were afraid to be inside his home. Now, you were afraid to leave it. 

Part of him wondered if this was what it was like when you first came to Jackson. If you’d spent weeks alone, locked inside your house and plagued by nightmares and memories that may as well have been nightmares, too. His heart ached for you if it that was case but he almost hoped it was. If this was just part of what it was like for you to survive, that he could count on you to return to him again once you got through this, then he’d get you back. You’d get through this and you’d be OK again.  

But the longer you stayed there, trapped inside yourself, the more his hope dwindled.

It didn’t help that everything was tinged with the acute knowledge that he’d failed you. That you’d been hurt because he hadn’t reached you in time, that you’d been left to suffer alone. He’d hoped - perversely, perhaps - that he would at least be able to put you back together. He’d kept your fingers until you made it back to Jackson, hoping that the doctor would be able to reattach them. But she’d shaken her head, looking almost pityingly at him as she did. They’d been gone too long, he was too late. He’d wrapped the parts of you he couldn’t save in a scrap of one of his shirts that you liked so much and buried it beside the tree in his front yard. You’d loved sitting there, playing guitar, before. It seemed right that part of you should stay there. He cleaned your wedding band and added it to the chain you’d given him with the bullet on it, the reminders of you always close. 

You were close now. So so close, so close it almost scared him. 

You pulled back from him, your eyes wide and deep and bright in the moonlight. 

“Joel,” you said softly, traces of familiar want in your voice. He had to try, again, to not moan at that. 

“Don’t have to do this, baby,” he said, brushing the soft skin of your cheek with his callused thumb. “S’OK.” 

“I know,” you said, your hand leaving his hair and holding his face much the same way he was holding yours. “But I want to.” 

“Bambi…” 

“I want you,” you said, rolling your hips against him as you spoke, the heat of desire sparking deep inside himself. He couldn’t hold the groan back this time, dropping his forehead to yours. “Please.” 

“Not going to hurt you,” he said, his chest tight at that thought. “Should… should just…” 

“You won’t hurt me,” you kissed him again, so soft and so gentle and you tasted sweet like peach and ginger from the tea and fuck but he missed you. He’d missed you so badly it hurt and the thought of never getting you back scared him so much he felt hollow if he lingered on it too long, like specter of the loss of you - even if your body was still here - threatened to send him back to the darkest reaches of himself. You were so close now, he could feel you, taste you. But if you left him now, after almost coming back to him, if he were the cause, that would ruin him. He knew it, deep at the core of him, that there would be no coming back from that. 

But you were here. 

“Please, Joel.” 

So close. 

“Please.” 

Begging for him. 

“I need you.” 

His resolve crumbled then. He kissed you, firm and needy and the way he wanted to kiss you for the rest of his life and you moaned into his mouth, your hand slipping down his skin to the back of his head, fingers knotting desperately in his hair. He swallowed the sounds of your pleasure, running his hand over you to your leg, hitching your thigh over his side so the next delicious roll of your hips made your hot pussy press against his hardening cock. 

It only took seconds for every concern in his head to melt away. How could he be worried about anything when you were here, like this, wanting him, moaning against him, feeling him and he was able to give you everything you wanted. He would break himself down into whatever form you needed and surrender himself to you, all you had to do was ask, all you had to do was let him. How could he be worried when you were finally letting him? 

He pulled your shirt over your head, casting it aside and you pulled at his in return so he took that off, too and then you were against him and he moaned at the feeling of your bare skin on his because fuck, you were soft. The plush curve of your breasts - your nipples peaked - on his chest, the soft of your stomach on his own, the heat of your tongue as you dipped into his mouth. He was breathing the same air as you again, feeling your pulse again, so close to being inside your skin again. 

You damn near ripped his pants off, scrambling with a desperate edge to your panting breaths as you did and he stopped you. You frowned, pupils blown, but he just held your hands still for a moment. 

“I got it,” he said, breathless himself. “Just one second, baby, I got you.” 

He pulled his pants off quickly and then yours, too and you were against him again almost immediately, your leg over his hip again as you lay side by side, facing each other, pressed so close and tight he was certain he could feel all of you against all of him. Your wet heat was tantalizingly, dangerously close to him, the head of his cock brushing against your sensitive sex. He held you tight, his lips brushing yours as you breathed into each other, noses touching, foreheads pressed together, a singular being tied together by want. 

But he stopped himself from simply thrusting into you, no matter how badly he ached to bury himself inside. You hadn’t told him what happened when Mitchum had you this time, all Joel knew was that he prayed he’d reached you before your captor had managed to hurt you like that again, that his men were afraid enough of their boss that they hadn’t, either. But he remembered what the first time he was with you had been like, how you’d been afraid, how he’d held you. He wasn’t about to just take what he wanted, no matter how much you seemed to be begging him to, not until he knew it wouldn’t break you down further. 

“You sure about this?” He asked. “You don’t have to do anything for me, baby. All you need to do for me is keep living, alright? Don’t want you to give me this unless you want it…” 

“I know,” you panted, kissing him again, the ache of need on your tongue. “I want to. I want you, I love you, please…” 

He kissed you, devouring your wanting as he pushed himself inside, his hand spreading wide over the small of your back, holding you in place as he sank into the tight, hot clutch of you. 

You moaned as he did, keening and desperate, and he felt you straining not to move, your leg tight around him, tension in your hips. The moment he was fully sheathed inside you, though, you let yourself go, your hips working against his and you pulled your lips from his, watching him. There was a look of almost awe in your eyes and he could feel the flutter of your pulse on the inside of you, feel the shudder of your needy, shallow breaths. You were so warm, so soft, shaped so perfectly for him, taking him into yourself in a way no one else ever had. He belonged here, like this, with you. This, he thought, was the only explanation. That when the matter that made up the two of you sprang into existence it was alongside each other and had spent both your lives racing for each other until you could be joined like this again. 

“Joel,” you whispered. “I missed you.” 

“I know, baby,” he whispered back. “I missed you, too. So, so much.” 

He rocked himself deeper then and you groaned, pressing your body completely against his, the soft of your cheek like silk against the rough of his beard, your quiet breaths drowning out every other sound in the world as your fingertips sank into his back, pulling at his skin as if you could knit yourself into him anymore than you already had.

Joel just held onto you like that, feeling you so close, his cock pressing deep inside where he belonged before pulling back only an inch or two, not daring to go any further from you than that. He became lost in you that way, the rhythm of your bodies together and the delicate moans and the wet plush of your mouth when your lips found his neck or shoulder when the building pleasure became too much. 

He felt you getting tighter around him and he knew just how to draw you tighter, drive your pleasure deeper. He let his baser instincts take over, kissing and sucking the delicate skin of your throat and listening to the shift in your needy breaths when he did, pressing a little harder on your back so he could get just a little deeper and feel your channel tense even more. 

“I’ve got you,” he said when it felt like you couldn’t be drawn any tighter. “Just come, come for me baby, please…” 

You came with a strangled little gasp, one he wouldn’t have heard had he been anywhere but this close, so close it seemed you had to be a single being now, tied together deeply and permanently, close enough that nothing would pull you away from him again. 

The almost painfully tight throbbing of you drove him over the edge and he came with you, buried so deep inside that he could feel all of you as you fluttered and pulsed over him. 

“Joel,” you groaned, sounding like you were far outside your own body when you did. “Joel, Joel, Joel, Joel, I love you, I love you.” 

You said it again and again until you went limp in his arms. He just held you for a minute, feeling your heartbeat and your skin, when you took a shaky breath and he felt a tear on his cheek. 

“Hey,” he carefully pulled himself back from you, your eyes red and wet. He tried to slip out of you but you tightened your leg on him, not letting him leave. “Baby, you gotta talk to me…” 

“I’m sorry,” you said, voice thick and wet and desperate in a whole new way. “I know I’ve been… I’m trying, I know I need to get back to normal with you and the girls and the horses and I don’t want to be like this and it’s like I can see where I was but I can’t reach it and I just…” 

“Hey,” he said again, taking your face in his hands. “Look at me. It’s OK. We’re in this together, you and me. It don’t matter how long it takes, what you need, as long as you’re here. When you were gone… I wasn’t sure I’d be able to go back without you…” 

“Joel…”

“Nothin’ really seemed worth it unless you were there, too,” he said. “That hasn’t changed and it’s not going to. Don’t matter how long it takes or what you need, it’s you and me. I’ve got you, baby. Always.” 

You nodded and burrowed into his neck and he held you until you were still and calm, drifting off in his arms. With you close like that, he managed to find sleep, too, passing out harder than he had since the two of you had come back to Jackson. He slept so hard that he didn’t feel you get out of bed in the night. 

It was still dark when he woke up and found himself alone, the bed cold. 

“Bambi?” He said quietly. But he didn’t expect you to answer. Something in him knew you were gone.

He got up quickly then, checking the bathroom and the living room and the kitchen and the porch but you weren’t anywhere. 

His heart raced. 

“Fuck,” he swore, wondering if you might have gone to see the girls or if he’d just scare them if he went there to check. He looked out the window, anyway, but their place was still dark. He tried to think of where else to go when it occurred to him, what you’d said in bed just a few hours earlier. The horses. You’d mentioned the horses. 

He shoved his feet into his boots, not bothering to tie them, and ran to the stable, the faintest hint of dawn starting on the horizon. He damn near skidded to a stop at the fence, his bad leg throbbing, but he didn’t care. You were there, getting to your feet from the dirt in the middle of the paddock, a determined look on your face. 

“Got news for you,” you said to the horse in front of you, one of the stallions you’d been working with before Cody took you. “Not gonna beat me that easy. I know it’s scary, know it’s hard but I promise it’s good for you. Just gotta let me take care of you.” 

He watched you pet and soothe the animal for a moment before you pulled yourself roughly onto the horse’s back with a pained groan. It immediately rebelled, bucking and thrashing, but you held on, long enough that Joel thought you’d outlast the horse when it managed to dislodge you and you flew, landing with a sickening thud on the dirt. 

“Shit,” Joel jumped the fence, running for you as the horse took off to the other side of the paddock. You groaned and shoved yourself up onto your hands as Joel reached you and you jumped a little when he touched you. He helped you sit up and you tried to stand but he held you down. You frowned, watching him. “Baby, what are you doin’ out here? It’s…” 

“I can’t keep letting them go like this,” you said, your eyes wide. “They need help, they need to learn how to live here, if I just let them keep going back to what they were it will be harder and and harder to get them to where they need to be!” 

“Sweetheart, you’re still recovering,” he said. “You can’t push it, you’ll…”  

“I need to do this, Joel,” you said softly, your hand with the missing fingers finding his cheek. “Please, let me.” 

He watched you for a moment, seeing you - the determined, forceful you - in your eyes for the first time in weeks. He tried to stifle his fear and he pressed a kiss to your forehead, his lips lingering there for a moment before pulling back. 

“I’ll be right here,” he smiled softly. “It’s you and me.” 

You gave him a small smile in return before getting up and going to the horse, talking to him for a moment before getting right back on. 

Next chapter

A/N: This is it, just one little chapter left to say goodbye to these characters we've been with for a year now! I can't believe we're finally here, it feels like I've been writing this story forever. Thank you so much for sticking with it even as I took a million years to finish and left you hanging time and again. This story was a big learning experience for me and I appreciate you hanging in there through it. Thank you for spending your time here and for loving them and making sharing this story so special. It means everything to me.

Taglist: @ashleymsnodgrass@planet-marz1@kalea-bane @juneswonderlust @ilovepedro @h-annahayy @starstruckmusiciansartghost @beccerjune @mumma-moonchild @netonetoneto @mellymbee @purplelye @n7cje @flugazi @evyiione @randomhoex @aliengirl99 @orcasoul @reds-ramblings @pedropascalsbbg @fupoola @tinypotatothing @knopes-waffles @lilmizmoz @ayamenimthiriel @jenispunk @panda-pascal @sarap-77 @flugazi @your-slutty-gf @daniegraceg @partyofone3413 @cumberpegg @noisynightmarepoetry. @fifia-writes @grumpygrumperton @srmacaroni @txlady37 @bigboiseason123 @ashleyfilm @arizonadreamingg

[revolutionsingingintherainnn]

hellooooo! calling all carlando lovers to help me out with this little fic im writing!

the basic plot is around carlos' insistence that lando and him are not real friends till they're retired, but theyre also in love with each other. so its gonna be a crazy amount of mutual pining and slow burn and angst.

i have a list so far of important events that i want to include in the fic. i'd love it if yall could share some of your fav moments with the year and month!

this is the list so far:

2019

first meeting (jan)

brazil carlos first podium with mcl

2020

lando first podium

carlos tells lando he's leaving (lando also says that he loves carlos - carlos says "itll pass)

lando's squirrel friend

2021

carlos booking villa in interlagos for lando's birthday (nov)

lando adjusting to carlos leaving + daniel

reyes liking carlando stuff

carlos bedside picture carlando

2022

carlos first win (july)

caco's wedding (dec)

2023

ryder cup (oct)

singapore 1-2

las vegas crash

2024

lando first win (may)

hungary

singapore

brazil (oct)

mexico

australia

carlos getting the surgery

carlos telling lando about his seat and where he plans on going

carlando picture on ferrari motorhome

carlando brokeback mountain

abu dhabi

las vegas

2025

williams golf date

helicopter ride gpda director and first lady joke

2026

2027

2028

2029

2030

lando retires, calls up carlos