#Mod Zephon

[incorrect-nosgoth]

Raziel: You ever get so tired you start seeing spiders?

Zephon: Me when I take 17 benadryl and see the Hat Man

Raziel: THE WHO?

Zephon: Oh, this is not a safe space suddenly.

[legacy-of-kain-oc-vault]

Sample Submission

Name: Viscountess Asphodel Kromburg, the First of Her Name

Age: Late Twenties/Early Thirties

(Historical) Face Claim: Juana Ines De La Cruz

Timeline: Sarafan Era

Occupation/Title: Nosgoth Noblewoman, Sarafan Opposition

Character Appearance: Long brown, evenly cut, but flat hair.  Thin neck and chest, but ample hips. Pear-shaped, although you wouldn’t be able to see that through her dresses. Harsh, small mouth, but pretty lips and nose. Brown eyes.

Personality: She is just as hungry, hounding, and ambitious as the noblemen who occasionally come to her beck and call. Never the type to yield; she is strict on etiquette and formality- and short on time with the recent death of her husband the late Viscount Kromburg.

Background: One cannot judge Asphodel Rikkard without first knowing her situation. The only child to an ill, but wealthy plantation owner in Nosgoth’s South East left her under scrutiny by the other noble-blooded piers she met with.

Despite not having the noble blood so desired by her would-be piers, she used this to her advantage to expand her curriculum in her early years. Rather than doting on acting the prim and proper noble-bride-to-be she studied mathematics, business, astronomy, along with many other arts suitable for heirs, but not heiresses at the time.

It wasn’t until she became seventeen when her mind, her inheritance, and even her physique piqued the intrigue of those in the class above her, and she found herself to be the bride of the wealthy Viscount Brand Kromburg. Although she proved to be an able enough wife by providing him three pregnancies, and two children, the marriage had always been assumed to be that of political and economic gain over romantic interest. This would come to a head twelve years into their partnership when rumor began that Viscount Kromburg had taken a mistress. The two did not speak to each other well on after that, and in his hour of death the Viscountess refused to allow their children to see him. If he died with bastard children; she did not know- but now she has a house to run in his absence; which she did with a vehement viciousness.

In her political career; her wit and knowledge did much to gain her favor in the eyes of her vassals. She herself boldly stood against the tithe the Sarafan order imposed for hunting vampires out of her town. With a few coins in the right teacher’s pockets; her little villa itself had it’s own anti-vampire guard; which she’d even allow other nearby villages to rent.

[icpe]

Hi there, happy to see you! Could you draw Kain threatening his mutant children with a poster tube?

????

[collective-delusion]

WARNING about creatures who call themselves “ANGELS”:

Angels are more popular than ever in our culture, commonly appearing in books, movies and video games. Many even believe angels are benevolent spirits who watch over them, but BE CAREFUL. True angels are VERY powerful and mean, they are DANGEROUS and should NOT be summoned or communicated with.

Spirits who call themselves angels may not be harmful IF they are truly innocent spirits who just happened to pick up the “angel” label. It is important to know how to recognize how to tell spirits who call themselves angels from True Angels.

Everyone deals with spirits now and then, be they local ghosts or the patrons of local holy sites. They may call themselves angels or Gods, but they are neither. Common traits of spirits that may call themselves angels are:

1. Ephemeral appearance or invisibility.

2. Bodies that pass through physical objects.

3. Echoed or distorted voices.

4. Relatively friendly or at least accessible to the average seer.

5. They ask for small favors or gifts, often petty requests, but not necessarily easy to do.

6. It is always important to be respectful to spirits, though it is good to know that to do not like rock salt, smoke or metal and do not cross running water.

Common spirits are limited by their history, location and elemental properties. 

How to tell if you are dealing with a True Angel:

1.True Angels are large, often much taller than humans, with bodies made of fire* that may be humanoid, wheel-shaped or abstract. They are not affected by the constraints of common spirits and can travel freely through solid objects and water if they wish. 

2. Be wary of astral beings with these names:

Metatron, Abbadon, Raphael, Ezekiel, Michael, Tzaphkiel, Ahriman, Samael, Gabriel, Eos, Seraphiel, Netzach, Azrael, Themis, Ganymede, Galatea, Eremiel, Salamandastron, Asteria, Hemera, Aetna, Phythia, Zephon, Vasariah, Epiphron, Esra, Hadriel, Sariel, Eupheme, Philosyne, Lyco.

3. Look at their eyes- a True Angel’s eyes will be gold and it will hurt to gaze into them.

(Note: DO NOT make prolonged eye contact with any astral beings you are unfamiliar with)

4. As a rule Angels tend to hate highly processed products and react poorly to contact with them. Keep a small pouch of powdered drain cleaner or a ramen flavor packet handy to sprinkle on any suspected angels.

5. True Angels will not have petty requests. They will ask for much, often more than you can give, and will promise great rewards. DO NOT make deals with angels if you value your life.

A good rule of thumb is to NOT accept gifts, quests, weapons, animals or children from any type of spirit, but is especially important to not accept gifts from Angels.

If you think an Angel has taken interest in you, you can disguise yourself by hiding many different religious tokens on your body and not showering or washing your hair. It is also possible to escape them by hiding underground.

Should you see an Angel, report it immediately to your local temple.

*fire here refers to astraflame, a type of fire that exists partially in the astral plane and that can hold solid shapes as well as transform. It has been replicated under controlled conditions by master alchemists, but if allowed to escape from its container it will fly directly up into the sky indefinitely, never to be seen again. 

Good luck and happy astral travels! -Mod Loam

[incorrect-nosgoth]

*in jail*

Melchiah: Should we call Kain?

Zephon: No, I feel safer in jail.

[incorrect-nosgoth]

Rahab: *Pulls a glass a water from out of nowhere* Zephon: Where did you get that? Rahab: My pocket. Zephon: How do you keep a glass of water in your pocket? Rahab: Skills.

[incorrect-nosgoth]

Raziel: Huge fan of when my speech patterns rub off on people, I enjoy when that happens.

*later*

Raziel: Nevermind, Kain just said "skill issue".

Zephon: You plant a tree then balk at its fruits?

[incorrect-nosgoth]

Zephon: What's your biggest fear?

Dumah: I'm arachnophobic.

Zephon: Why??

Zephon: What's wrong with spiders getting married??

[incorrect-nosgoth]

Kain: Okay, you know what, you're in timeout! Lock yourself in the Cathedral! Get in there!

Zephon, attaching himself to the wall: THIS EMPIRE IS A FUCKING NIGHTMARE

[incorrect-nosgoth]

Kain: What's the problem?

Rahab: Zephon stole my thesaurus.

Zephon: He peddles falsehoods.

[incorrect-nosgoth]

Melchiah: Zephon just said "I have an appetite for destruction" then reached down and untied my shoe.

[incorrect-nosgoth]

Zephon: How does it feel to be the worst lieutenant ever, huh?

Melchiah: Shut up, Kain buys you Megablocks instead of LEGOs.

Zephon: You take that back-

[incorrect-nosgoth]

Melchiah: Looks like we can't manipulate, mansplain, or malewife ourselves out of this one.

Zephon: Manslaughter it is!

[incorrect-nosgoth]

After Raziel's execution

Turel: If Kain doesn't come back in 15 minutes, I legally own Nosgoth.

Melchiah: No, if Kain doesn't come back in 15 minutes, we can legally leave.

Zephon: Actually, if Kain doesn't come back in 15 minutes, we can legally kill the Razielim.

Dumah: If Kain doesn't come back in 15 minutes, I'll fight Turel.

Rahab: If Kain doesn't come back in 15 minutes, I'm going home.

[incorrect-nosgoth]

Kain: I was just wondering if you got your photos printed?

Zephon: Bogos binted?

Kain: What??

Zephon: 👽

[incorrect-nosgoth]

Zephon: Can we talk about fish?

Kain: ...sure.

Zephon: They think they're better than me!

Kain, deadpan: How dare they.