#Mr. Earthworm

[dadjoke-ness]

No one wants to talk about how if James and the Giant Peach was a more recent movie, you all would be thirsting over Mr. Centipede and Miss Spider for VERY different reasons.

Mr. Centipede: Ideal gross tumblr man. Smokes a cigar. Is pathetic. Probably smells like a corpse constantly.

Miss Spider: Will kill you. Is hot. Is woman. Sexy. Also her aesthetic is absolutely on point.

But Ness! All the bugs are attractive in their own right!

You are correct.

I want Earthworm fanblogs.

I want Grasshopper faceclaims.

I want to see someone posting absolutely wild Glowworm love at 3 am because she is a delightful old lady.

I want someone appreciating how pure Ladybug is.

(And this isn't even covering how there's cannon marriages between all the bugs in the original book, and other than Centipede and Spider, the other two marriages come out of absolutely nowhere, but since they all live together it is safe to assume they're poly and putting on heteronormative masks. Especially since the homoerotic tension between Grasshopper and Centipede was absolutely palpable.)

[tilbageidanmark]

[cb-sodapop]

Groovy earthworm Jimmy

[cornerofhell]

Alright alright alright.

Where the Kentucky Fried Fuck

IS MY LOVE FOR JAMES AND THE GIANT PEACH?!

One of my favorite fucking movies as a child. Played it on VHS constantly. Loved every character, laughed at it, got "That's the Life For Me" stuck in my head so many times-

[amayzingmayzie]

I am- *ahem*

✨️Earthworm and Mantis✨️

Posting today! The first two images are just her being incredibly down bad (as always), the third is her Plump and Juicy outfit (yes, that's a rose in her hair!), and the last two are various Earthworms from two productions I love and recommend! I've been thinking about Mantis and Grasshopper a lot lately, but Grasshopper is so mf hard to draw. SMH!

Any comments/reposts/asks are welcome!

[mikiruma]

7 11 23

the first non-mustelid additions to the family (so far)! they're one big conjoined earthworm! don't ask how that functions with their pots though...

[supersecretnerd]

[legobiwan]

For the drabble prompt list

"none of this is your fault" mario and luigi

Drabbles, they said, Ha! I answered. Anyway, I have no idea where this came from, but enjoy this barely-edited not-drabble. I am apparently incapable of concise writing right now :D

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“None of this is your fault, Lou.”

Luigi scoffed, pushing dampened sleeves up both arms, smearing dark, sweaty grease across his skin in wide, impressionistic lines.

“You tell that to Toadsworth in three days. I’m sure he’ll be happy to believe you,” Luigi groused, tightening a stubborn, thick bolt with a violent twist. That should keep the engine boosters from flying off at speeds exceeding thirty miles an hour. (Or as they were counted in the Mushroom Kingdom, five hundred and two mycelia per second, a measuring system so opaque - and infuriating - that Luigi had sat through an entire five-hour Toad Council meeting just so he could petition the government to introduce a bill to launch a public vote on switching to any other quantifier that made a modicum of sense. The notion, of course, was voted down in a manner of seconds. Tradition, Mister Luigi, Toadsworth had sniffed, rapping his long-handled gavel with an imperious gesture, closing off all debate on the matter).

Snobby old toad could stuff it up his spore holes.

“He’ll get over it,” Mario said. “What’s he going to do, anyway? Make us sit through another boring state dinner?”

Luigi poked at a serpentine belt that resembled some slices of old cheese he once found in the back of their fridge in Brooklyn. How these guys managed to stay competitive with equipment in this condition was a complete slap in the face to basic physics.

“You like those dinners.” Luigi crawled out from under the dented chassis, sitting back on his haunches as he gestured at his brother with a ratchet-wrench, making curly patterns in the air as if he were a Magikoopa casting a spell.

“I hate those dinners as much as you. They’re hot, stuffy, and the food is an insult to the entirety of Brooklyn. It’s not my fault I get to sit next to Peach and you’re always stuck with Lady Maitake and her hundreds of onion bulb-pup photos for two hours.”

“Don’t remind me. Did you know she’s trying to train them to do circus acts and take them on the road?” Luigi ran a finger down one of the dusty schematics strewn about the stone floor. “Hand me that spanner, will you?”

Mario shook his head, chuckling, handing off the hooked tool to Luigi, who shimmied once more underneath the maroon-and-black kart. “Look, you got hoodwinked into a bad contract. I should have looked over the fine print before you signed.”

“You’re not my keeper, Mario,” Luigi grumbled, trying to keep the irritation out of his voice. “And it’s not even the contract that I care about. Frankly, I’m impressed Bowser’s been able to get these things to do anything beyond cough up smoke and crash into the nearest palm tree. It’s a good challenge to get them running again.”

“So what’s the issue, then?”

Luigi stilled, his hands guts-deep in a mess of wiring and cables that looked like an earthworm graveyard. After a moment, he sighed, letting the spanner tool clatter to the floor with a bright, metallic jangle. 

“The issue,” he began, staring up at the internal electronic system of one of Bowser’s so-called best racing karts. “Is that he’s probably going to win. Bowser, that is. And everyone will make nice about it at the awards ceremony and Bowser will get too drunk on elderflower wine and get kicked out of the post-race party.”

“That happens every race, Lou.”

“Yeah, but you know Bowser. He’ll let it slip that I was the one doing repairs on his karts. And then in the morning, there will be a meeting. And Toadsworth will go on about the standing of the Kingdom being compromised and it being a diplomatic catastrophe that we allowed Bowser to win and that,” Luigi adopted a whiny, pompous voice. “Mr. Luigi has once again strained his credibility within the Mushroom Kingdom.” 

“Look, that stodgy old Toad has no chance of making those charges stick. You were exonerated, Weeg. Nothing that happened with Bleck - “ Mario clenched his fists, hissing through his teeth. “Nothing that happened in that place was you. That wasn’t your fault, and neither is this.”

Luigi reached towards one of the dangling battery coils, playing with the violet and yellow wires between his fingers. “Sure,” he breathed. “Not me.”

“Not you,” Mario insisted, his voice steely. “And besides,” he continued, a hint of humor creeping into his words. If you’re so concerned about Toadsworth, why don’t you sabotage Bowser’s fleet?”

Luigi pushed himself out from under the kart, snapping up to a seat in wide-eyed horror.

“And ruin my reputation as an engineer? No way, bro. I’ll risk the treason charges, thank you very much.”

Mario guffawed, ambling over to take a seat next to his brother, the two coming shoulder-to-shoulder, backs set against the passenger door of the Koopa Coupe. “I think your reputation is beyond reproach, Lou.” Mario gave a small, uncertain smile. “After all, you did build two killer robots in the span of two weeks.”

It was a huge step forward, just being able to talk about the whole incident in Flipside, no less joke about it - the ordeal with Bleck and the jester and Luigi’s brainwashing. Mario had stayed tight-lipped about the entire debacle for weeks after they had gotten back, much to Luigi’s aggravation, until things came to a head one night due to a series of ill-conceived plans on the part of the Toad Council, the most brazen of which featured a misserved cup of tea laced with a dubiously legal truth potion.

Luigi sniffed out half a chuckle, nudging his brother in the shoulder. “Well, I can’t let Bowser think I’m slipping, right?”

Mario eyed his brother carefully, his features brightening as he caught the note of mischief in Luigi’s voice. Grinning, he clapped his brother on the knee. “You’ve got an idea, don’t you? The Old Koopa King doesn’t know what he’s got coming.”

Luigi straightened, composing himself into the picture of innocence. “Dear brother, I am a man of my word. Bowser will win the race, just like the contract stipulates.”

“And?”

“Aaand,” Luigi drew out the word, schematics and thermodynamic equations taking shape in his mind. “Let’s say the engine modifications I’m making happen to engage a set of rocket boosters at a certain speed threshold. Bowser’ll like that. But then maybe the activation of those boosters, given a certain location and time input, temporarily cede control of the brakes and steering to a pre-programmed route of the engineer’s choosing.” Luigi paused for dramatic effect. “All after the race is finished, of course. No injuries. No harm. Just a little post-race joyride through the forest.”

Mario gave a joyous whoop, bringing his brother into a tight, side-hug. “They’ll hear him screaming all the way in Rogueport! Ha! You know he’ll threaten to invade during the after-party! No one will care if you worked on his kart once he shows back up breathing smoke!”

“He’ll do that regardless,” Luigi laughed, feeling lighter than he had in weeks. “But you know how these modifications are. Always a chance of overburdening your circuits.”

“And at least it’ll be a while before he tries to trick you into doing his dirty work again,” Mario added.

“I hope so.” Luigi placed a warm hand on his brother’s shoulder, smiling. “Thanks, Mario.”

Mario beamed back at his brother, playfully flicking the brim of Luigi’s hat. “Come on, Lou. Show me how to build a sentient robot race kart.”

~~~~~

Drabble writing challenge: Make me sweat!

[starleska]

the Shred Force fandom has been coming up with all kinds of ideas about Nordic Bunny...

so i thought it might be fun to collect them all in one place 🤘🎸 here are my favourite NB theories and headcanons:

🎸 Nordic Bunny's guitar strings behave like cat whiskers when they're broken 🎸 Nordic Bunny's actual body is actually an entire guitar, and the rest of his body is a mech suit, Earthworm Jim-style 🎸 Nordic Bunny has a 'good' twin brother who also has a Flying V guitar head shape, but upside down 🎸 Nordic Bunny eats by gently grating food against his guitar strings and sobbing openly 🎸 Nordic Bunny sleeps in a guitar case, coffin-style 🎸 Nordic Bunny has a little bunny plush named Mr Spikes, wearing spiky cuffs and piercings, whom he sleeps with every night 🎸Nordic Bunny has hooves 🎸 Nordic Bunny used to have far more clothes, but they've worn away over the centuries, leaving him only with his tattered cape, tie, and underwear

we sure are an imaginative bunch!!! 🙈💖

[ju-nebugg]

a complete (and ever-evolving) list of the many titles of mr. henley whispers

because Henry Shields is a genius and all of this deserves to be documented

Henley Whispers

aka the Turbulent Wind

aka the Storm Before the Calm

aka Lithe Spirit

aka Lord of the Prance

aka Bowfingerer

aka the Bark Knight

aka Work Hard Fae Hard

aka Coyote Handsome

aka Tree Weird

aka the Gorse Whisperer

aka the Arrow-ma Therapist

aka Aragorn-al Activity

aka Quiver Phoenix

aka Jack of All Trades, Master of All Trades

aka Tree Willy

aka Dave Fern

aka Soft-Core Faun-ography

aka Forest Whitaker

aka Notorious Tree-IG

aka Mr. Yumnus

aka Ranger Danger

aka Lust of Wind

aka Parry Hotter

aka Pollen Farrell

aka The Wood, The Bard and the Smugly

aka the Longest Bard

aka Daft Skunk

aka Brodo Swaggins

aka Dismay in a Ranger

aka Harriet Shrubman

aka Jeffrey Archer

aka Fen Diagram

aka Look Who’s Tolkien

aka Fennel May Care

aka the Grass Samurai

aka Chloro-Phil Spector

aka Woody Allen

aka Thelonius Trunk

aka the Moss Adjuster

the �� rhymes ✨:

human ranger, damage dealer, story weaver, owl deceiver

human ranger, goblin killer, pale ale swiller, dream journal filler

human ranger, rabble rouser, full of heart, devoid of trouser

human ranger, hidden stranger, friend of danger, dark avenger

human ranger, expert juggler, against the chains which bind us struggler

human ranger, loot stringer, shameless swinger, on da funk bringer

human ranger, check bouncer, espresso mispronouncer 

human ranger, rule flouter, truth spouter, earthworm doubter

human ranger, poker player, that which others won’t say sayer

human ranger, trendsetter, otter petter, in-joke getter

human ranger, blame dodger, advertising for a lodger

human ranger, cheeky chancer, always-on-the-off-beat dancer

human ranger, truth spinner, under-7s judo winner

human ranger, time waster, different brands of water taster

human ranger, hog roaster, subtle boaster, party ghoster 

human ranger, crystal healer, your-layers-like-an-onion peeler

human ranger, hell raiser, into-the-abyss gazer

human ranger, lithe linguist, sensual astrologist

human ranger, bugbear wrestler, established-societal-norm questioner

human ranger, tune hummer, every-known-fear overcomer

human ranger, knowledge gleaner, has the grass that’s always greener

human ranger, deer consumer, vole beguiler, badger groomer

human ranger, havoc wreaker, noted after dinner speaker

human ranger, cattle roper, inter-species interloper

human ranger, prey pouncer, fearless fighter, local counselor

deer stalker, fox glover, the one you’re with lover

black run skier, caged bird freer, the-change-you-want-to-see-in-the-world be-er

human ranger, eldritch blaster, surreptitious podcaster

human ranger, villain injurer, power broker, serial milliner

human ranger, wild reaver, what-a-tangled-web-we-weaver

human ranger, seed sower, flower goer, the-distance goer

human ranger, head turner, butter churner, bridge burner

human ranger, shameless liar, rule defier, hair dyer

human ranger, misbehav-er, always-against-the-grain shaver

human ranger, beast enrager, strong orator, up-upstager

human ranger, owlbear slayer, soothsayer, the-field player

human ranger, quick-quip punner, villain stunner, long-con runner

human ranger, heedless cur, own-job-interview saboteur

human ranger, of-wind guster, no-one truster, goat buster

TRUE FACTS ABOUT HENLEY:

he believes that any bird singing in the forest is doing it specifically for him (and birds don’t sing when he’s not there)

he trims his pubic hair into the word “shazam”

he keeps a dream journal (but if he has a nightmare, he ignores it and makes up something nice)

he writes really bad poetry (short, broken sentences, “rupi kaur style”)

he’s been using Ghoul’s Gruel as anti-aging cream (it doesn’t work)

his spirit animal is himself

he pronounces espresso like “ethpretho”

he has a bad feeling about worms in general

he howls at the moon

he pretends to understand all inside jokes

he’s very concerned about the mortgage repayments on his house

he always dances on the off beat in order to stand out in the club

he’s the reigning champion of the under-7s judo competition in his local area

he can tell the difference between brands of water (and he has very strong opinions about them)

he leaves parties without telling people and then comes back in disguise to talk about the fact that he left

he uses healing crystals

he gazes into the abyss until it gazes back because he wants the attention

he uses “sensual astrology” to try and seduce people

he has every known fear (the exposure therapy backfired)

he shaves (against the grain) with a sword (your hair doesn’t grow in hell. he does it anyway.)

he always has the greenest grass (he steals any grass he sees that’s greener than his own)

he runs a grooming business for badgers (“what does he get in return from the badgers?” “…friends”)

he’s an accomplished after-dinner speaker

he tried to hibernate with badgers and they kicked him out

he majored in drawing in sand with sticks

he’s a bed wetter

he always bets all in when playing poker

he is a leading member of the “pithy council” (it’s just him and a ferret getting together to recite pithy sayings)

he will love the one YOU’RE with (aka sleep with your wife)

when someone asks him a difficult question, he turns and runs

he thinks he’s been leaving episodes of a podcast called “whispers on the air” in various rocks and twigs on their journey, but he doesn’t have the spell for it so he’s just been talking to inanimate objects

he has an unhealthy obsession with hats

he sleeps in a web

he invented a kind of long distance running called long distance fleeing (26 miles = safety)

he burns every bridge he crosses

henley (a natural blonde) dyes his hair blonde (his natural hair color) so people will think he has grays because he’s older and more mature than he really is

he must always be upstaging someone

he has an inexplicable hatred of goats and, similarly, an inexplicable love of sea turtles

[franki-lew-yo]

James and the Giant Peach doodles, inspired by my latest hit-fix of this childhood favorite, and also because of my ongoing quest to uncover all the behind the scenes info Disney's not interested in relaying.

Also had to design my own merch for this movie. More on that later, as in next year later, for it's 29th anniversary, for now though these are the designer doodles I made in regards to that.

I will NEVER understand, of all characters, why Mr. Earthworm is so aggressively left out and ignored. He's easily the cutest of the bugs and I would cherish him forever.

And yes the blurb about Earthworm liking Queen is real.

[goodboyaudios]

name the skrunkly brown stray cat i took in please Mr 72 horses

A brown stray cat, huh? Hmm...how about...

Earthworm! Wormy for short~

[tuhbanbuv]

Guess who finally played a Rayman game? Granted it’s Rayman Legends but hey it’s fun!

Like Megaman and Earthworm Jim to an extent I HATE how inconsistent and wishy washy the canon is!!! So I merged both PS1 Magician and Ales’ designs into one! I call him Sela, like Ales in reverse like a Dr. Jekyl and Mr. Hyde situation??? Idk I just think he’s cute!

[themushroomprince03]

Trying to figure out the exact species of the JATGP bugs (and also cool bug facts!)

(Warning: pictures of bugs)

I’m gonna start with ya boi:

Mr. Grasshopper:

First of all, I love him and I wanna be him

Grasshoppers are the only herbivores of the 6 bugs. Uh. Yeah.

Grasshoppers have camouflage! And they can fly just a little bit, but their strong hind legs do most of the work.

Since Mr. Grasshopper is green and British I’m going to infer that he is a Omocestus viridulus, AKA the common green grasshopper

Literally the same guy.

The common green grasshopper is from Britain, and, like the name suggests, common. Very common, in fact. I think they’re like the second most common grasshopper in Britain (most common one isn’t green)

Mrs. Ladybug!

She’s so sweet msmfjrjgjggjjgfjf

FIRST OF ALL, IN BRITAIN LADYBUGS ARE CALLED “LADYBIRDS”

WHICH IS STUPID BECAUSE THEY ARE NOT FUCKING BIRDS

In related news, ladybugs are actually a type of beetle. Sorry for ruining your life.

Ladybugs eat aphids and scale insects (little tiny insects idk) and also pollen and nectar. Not peaches though.

Anyways considering the fact that she is red and has black spots, I’m gonna say she’s probably a Coccinella septempunctata AKA the Seven-Spotted Ladybug. They are just THE ladybugs of all time.

Very cool. Also easy asf. These ladybugs can play dead when threatened and also they are real pretty.

Mr. Centipede:

Silly billy he’s always been my favourite especially in the book he has a goofy little smile

Centipedes are venomous and carnivores. They eat anything they can overpower with their venom. Centipedes are nocturnal, because they dry out VERY easily in the daytime. They usually either don’t have eyes or have shit eyesight. They also have no ears. They “hear” by sensing vibrations in the ground.

This one was a little bit difficult because centipedes don’t vary all that much, but I’m thinking Lithobius forficatus, AKA the garden/brown/stone centipede.

They have many names. They are also very common, especially in North America and the UK. Garden centipedes are born with 7 pairs of legs, and grow legs throughout their life, maxing out at 15 pairs of legs (they always have an odd number of leg pairs) They live under rocks, and if someone lifts those rocks, these centipedes are in luck, because they’re also very good at running. I THINK they have eyes, but if they do, their eyes can only discern light from dark.

Stone centipedes mostly eat flies, springtails, and, uh. Earthworms. But us JATGP Musical fans knew that

Mrs. Spider:

Y’all know spiders I will not explain them. Also I’m scared of spiders so I will NOT show many pictures of them *shudder*

Mrs. Spider could be literally any spider in France. The only spider that’s black with white stripes like this is a zebra spider (Salticus scenicus) and they don’t actually look like her that much. But they’re cute as fuck❤️

I wish I could show you a picture but mobile Tumblr has a maximum of 10 photos per post, but they’re really cute and fluffy.

Anyways, I feel like she’s more likely to be a Steatoda grossa, AKA Cupboard Spider, but they look more scary so I’m not gonna show photos.

But only the males are black and white.

Fuck uhh

Okayy she’s possibly an Araneus nordmanni, AKA Nordmann’s Orbweaver. They’re really scary and I wanna cry but I’ll try to describe them. Black with brown legs, weird white pattern, giant ass. These spiders do exist in France, but they are very rare. (Not just in France, but in general.) They are VERY GOOD at climbing and tend to build webs high on trees (like in a dead peach tree. Maybe with their mate.) They eat insects like gnats, flies, and wasps. Good for them. I’m still terrified.

Also female Araneus nordmanni are apparently the dominant party in the relationship so…

…yeah she’s definitely a Nordman’s Weaver.

(Edit: user @my-favorites-suffer said she looks like she could be a species of wolf spider!)

Mr. Earthworm:

OH THANK GOD I CAN STOP LOOKING AT SPIDERS AND LOOK AT THESE CUTIE PIE WORMS!!!!

Earthworms are boneless, muscleless, eyeless silly billies. They’re also hermaphrodites (male AND female at the same time) and they can regenerate parts of their bodies (not always so please don’t go around cutting worms in half) They eat fruit, fungi, and anything decaying.

So, I don’t remember the whole movie or the book, but in the musical, Earthworm speaks Spanish sometimes, and his song is vaguely Latin-esque (our director gave him a mariachi jacket for Plump & Juicy. It might not actually be Latin-esque that’s just what I’ve been told if it isn’t then oopsies) so I always thought he was from like Central America, maybe Mexico?

How did a worm get from Mexico to Britain? Guess what: Most earthworms in Mexico are invasive and from other places! Which means it could happen the other way around, but also it means that doesn’t narrow down what species of worm Earthworm is! Fuck!

He’s probably supposed to be a Lumbricus terrestris (The common European Earthworm.)

They are the most common worms. Everywhere. But other than species and location, nothing connects this earthworm to THE Earthworm.

So I propose a much funnier idea: That he is some species of Amynthas.

There isn’t enough info about the Amynthas for me to figure out exactly which species of Amynthas he probably is, but look it has a smooth white clitellum like Earthworm!!

So there are 3 reasons why I feel like Earthworm is an Amynthas. 1. Appearance. 2. They are part of the family Megascolecidae, which are the largest family of earthworms (They do say he is a big worm, although that’s probably because he’s literally human-sized)

And 3. These worms are also called Jumping worms. Because they. Uh.

They jump. When they are scared. It’s REALLY funny.

Most Amynthas are from Asia, but somehow a bunch ended up in Mexico. And now I guess one ended up in Britain. And then New York. Invasive species behaviour. (Actually a lot of the JATGP insects are invasive)

Take your pick of worm!

(Also Glowworm is a Lampyris noctiluca, AKA common glow-worm. If you even care. Nobody cares abt Glowworm. How dare you. And James is probably a human boy.)

And that is all thanks guys heart emoji

[haven-dark]

Idk what to do with this but it's gonna spontaneously combust if I just let it sit in my drive, so I guess I'm just gonna put it here for now?

A little scene(s) I whipped up after a discussion with some friends about the idea of middle-aged Stu and Billy moving into a picturesque suburban town and their neighbors slowly getting suspicious as people go missing.

---

The neighborhood’s newest resident easily has fifteen years on the most recent Mrs. Jones, but so does her husband, and Dennis doesn't have a smoothly sculpted jawline and lusciously thick head of dark hair. 

The moving truck is still mostly full when she comes by with her youngest stepson in tow. “Mason, leave the bugs alone,” she orders, taking his little arm firmly and dragging him away from a beached earthworm and towards the new neighbor's house. 

She fluffs her curls and double checks her lipstick in a car mirror before approaching the man from behind.

“I was wondering when the new family would arrive,” she says as a greeting. “The sign said sold for a little bit there.”

He glances at the lawn sign bearing the fake smile of the fake blonde who’d been responsible for selling the place. She’s one of those PTA bitches, but Cassidy is sure that she told them every charming story they could possibly want to hear about how great Arbor Village is. “Yeah, some stuff took longer than expected to sort out.” 

“Can we go home now?” Mason whines.

“It's not nice to interrupt grown-ups,” she reprimands. She looks to the man apologetically, but he seems unbothered. “Kids,” she chuckles. She bends to pick Mason up so she can sneak a look at the man's left hand. No ring. “Do you have any?”

“I've got these three.” He raps the knuckles of his right hand, which does sport a couple of rings, against the cab window. Three canine faces appear on cue, a small light one squished between the larger, darker two. 

She giggles at the reveal. “So no human children? How about a wife?” she ventures. 

“No wife,” he says. “And these three are more than enough.” His head is tilted toward the window, and she lets her eyeline drop to his lips as he talks. They look soft. 

He looks back to her more quickly than she’d expected and she’s sure that she’s been caught. She blushes slightly. He turns his full focus on her, looks her up and down. 

Having had no specific plans of running into a charming older bachelor, she hadn’t selected her outfit for Mason’s park day very intentionally. Her workout pants are visibly faded and she’s pretty sure this jacket has that collection of stains speckled along the bottom, but she doesn’t want to check and draw attention to it. 

His gaze is intense. It feels a little like he’s peering into her, breaking her into her components with his dark eyes so he can review each piece. Despite starting to overheat as she stands in a patch of sun in her sweats, she feels a little naked. She doesn’t dislike it.

If he concludes his assessment with a negative impression of her, he gives no sign of it. He rubs his beard and gives her a warm smile before offering his ringed hand for her to shake. “I'm Billy.” His grip is almost gentle for the rugged look of him, though it's strong. She doesn’t want to take her hand back, so she lets it linger as long as she thinks she can get away with it.

“Cassidy Jones. Although,” she offers, “friends call me Sid.”

His eyebrows go up slightly. “Sid,” he repeats, and she wants to melt at the sound of it. She loves the way it drips off his tongue, almost musically. “That’s great. It suits you.”

She blushes again, pleasantly this time. “Well, thank you, Billy.” Mason’s been patting and grabbing at her to get her attention, though he’s miraculously stopped talking, like he was told. She irritably sets him back on the ground. “You know, by the time you get all of this unpacked it’s going to be far too late to start cooking, and you should really have a home cooked meal on your first day in town. If you’d like–”

“Who’s this, Babe?” A second man appears by Billy, wrapping an arm around him from behind and setting his chin on Billy’s shoulder. He’s at least as attractive as Billy, but the way his eyes scan over Cassidy makes her feel like she’s being not just undressed but completely skinned. 

Billy smirks downward, to himself, then looks over his shoulder. “Stu, this is our neighbor from across the street. Sid.”

There’s something unsettling in the grin Stu responds with. “Nice t’meet ya, Sid.”

She wants to retract the invitation to the nickname, but she can’t just ask one of them not to use it. “You too,” she says, because it’s just the thing to say. She lifts Mason back up, ready to exit the conversation. 

But Billy continues it. “She was just inviting us over for dinner tonight, so we can have a home cooked meal on our first night in town.” Shit. Yet another invitation she’d offered too early and can’t rescind. “Isn’t that nice?” He looks at her again, even though the question is clearly directed to his partner. His smile is so kind that she wonders for a second if she really wants to take it back, but she hopes that they’ll make a polite attempt at declining so she can use it as a window to renegotiate.

“Oh, that’s really generous,” Stu says. “Putting yourself out like that for a couple of strangers.”

She feels like Mason’s worm, wriggling here in the sun, so close to safety, but unable to get out of this alone. The sad irony is the only ones who can release her are the ones who put her here in the first place. And at least one of them seems set on watching her squirm.

Billy’s turned to look at Stu on his shoulder again. “It might be late by the time we finish unpacking…”

Cassidy tries to wedge herself back into the conversation at that moment, but Stu’s too quick to close off the opening. “Don’t do that. Look how uncomfortable she is. You’re being so rude to turn down a neighborly welcome.” He gives a broad smile and tells her, “We’d love to come.”

---

Stu watches Billy, standing in the street in front of the moving truck, through the half-shut kitchen blinds as he sets a stack of boxes on the otherwise empty counter. He can tell by the body language that he’s talking to someone, but it takes a second for her to swoop into his line of vision as she bends to pick up a small boy.

Some neighborhood mom here to chat him up. Of course. What is it with moms and Billy? They’re fucking magnetized to him anywhere he goes. Stu had been inside for all of a minute and she’d just materialized.

She’s cute, too, with a mess of dark curls and a set of curves that aren’t completely swallowed up by the track suit she’s wearing. Billy’s probably going to flirt back just so Stu can catch him doing it. He’s such a little shit.

Billy makes eye contact with him through both of the truck’s windows just as he steps out onto the front porch. “No wife,” he says to the woman, with a smirk at Stu. 

Fucking asshole. Predictable but still infuriating. 

As soon as he knows Stu’s seen him, he turns back to the woman, angling his body so Stu can watch in profile as he roughly rubs at his facial hair, a move women for some reason seem to find charming.

Stu fumes for a moment before charging over to make his entrance and mark his territory. 

“Who’s this, Babe?” He adds the pet name with a slight emphasis as he slips a possessive arm around Billy’s midsection. He sets his chin on Billy’s shoulder as if in an affectionate embrace, but he lets its point and his fingertips push just a little too hard into Billy to make sure he gets the message.

He plasters on a friendly smile as his eyes devour the woman in front of him, not hungrily but angrily. Maybe a little hungrily. She really is cute. A little young for his taste, but definitely something he could have been into a decade ago.

When his eyes return to hers, he can see that she’s recalculated the scenario and realized her mistake. That’s right, bitch, he broadcasts telepathically. This is mine.

Billy’s looking at the ground, silently laughing to himself. Stupid asshole’s gotten exactly what he wanted. He turns to look at Stu and the broadcast changes to, You’re gonna fucking pay for this later, you dick.

“Stu, this is our neighbor from across the street,” Billy introduces, the stupid smirk still tugging on the corner of his mouth. He pauses, just slightly, and adds an emphasis that probably only Stu can pick up on as he delivers the name. “Sid.”

He’s still pissed at Billy, but he can’t contain the grin that splits his face at the coincidence. He’d thought he was so funny picking a town called Arbor Village because of its parallel to their hometown. But to have the first neighbor they meet be called Sid? That was too good. He couldn’t have scripted it any better.

“Nice t’meet ya, Sid.” He eyes her again and, maybe he’s imagining it, but he can even see a certain resemblance to the Prescott women in her face. Especially when her eyes widen and brow furrows as he smiles down at her. She looks enticingly like a spooked deer.

She picks up her kid as she’s returning the greeting like she’s about to make a run for it. Billy gives a watch this grin sideways at him before showing off the trap he’d built while Stu was away.

“She was just inviting us over for dinner tonight.” Stu shares his grin. The sentence shackles the woman to the spot in front of them. “So we can have a  home cooked meal on our first night in town. Isn’t that nice?”

Sid’s no longer merely spooked. When he looks back to her, she’s a caged animal, looking across the street to freedom through invisible bars. She, seemingly unconsciously, takes a step backward. There’s a plea in her eyes for them to let her go, but to uninvite them would be so impolite.

And to expect your captors to be your saviors is just naive. He can’t resist rattling the cage a little.

“Oh, that’s really generous,” he joins in. There’s a hint of mocking in his tone. He can’t help it. He’s having too much fun. But he’s sure to add a little earnestness, too, like he’s genuinely touched by her offer. “Putting yourself out like that for a couple of strangers.” 

God, she’s starting to look genuinely scared now and it’s delicious. He could almost salivate as the line about them being strangers registers in her eyes. 

The kid’s wiggling in her arms and she really looks like she could sprint away if the unanswered invitation wasn’t holding her in place.

Does he really want to go to her house for dinner? Who knows? Who cares? But he really fucking wants to keep playing with his prey.

Billy turns his head back to Stu. “It might be late by the time we finish unpacking…”

Sid’s muscles relax. Stu’s smile wilts. Billy’s just unlocked the door, unbound her, and offered up an escape route.

Is he the one Billy’s been fucking with this whole time? He’s been dangling her in front of him just to let her go at the last second?

But when he looks over, there’s a command in Billy’s eyes. He’s lining up Stu’s shot and ordering him to take it. Giving her a little false hope just so Stu can bat it away. How’s he such a piece of shit and also the perfect man?

She opens her mouth to respond, to dash through the open cage door. He cuts her off.

“Don’t do that,” he pretends to reprimand Billy. “Look how uncomfortable she is.”

He suppresses his smile as he does exactly as he’s just instructed Billy. She’s uncomfortable and now also confused. She doesn’t know which direction he’s moving with this. She's praying that he's about to show her mercy. 

Her prayers are going to remain unanswered.

He takes just a little too long to continue speaking, to let her suffer an extra half a second before he pulls the trigger. “You’re being so rude to turn down a neighborly welcome.”

Billy’s snicker is silent, but Stu feels the vibration against his body. That, along with the despair in their target’s eyes, warms his bones with sweet satisfaction. 

Maybe he’ll actually be thanking Billy later instead of punishing him. 

The smile on his face is completely genuine when he answers. “We’d love to come.”

[ryunumber]

Hello darling~ mayhaps't you could tell me the ryu number for Bad Mr Frosty from the Clayfighter franchise?

Much thanks 💋

Bad Mr. Frosty has a Ryu Number of 3/2/does not have a Ryu Number.

(For clarification, see Earthworm Jim.)