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goldenlikedayl1ght · 7 months

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timeless - j. kiszka

a/n: this one is super long and holy shit i'm pretty proud of it :) my other song choice for this was wii sports resort theme song. warnings: cursing, past infidelity, some angst, stupid choices, allusions to sex, lots of wedding talk, readers family all being chill, reader being feminine (no real descriptions though) but they wear a wedding dress and are 'mrs', uh, petnames, josh being flirty. my qualifications for writing this is that my dad got married on a cruise but it will be inaccurate, whoops. word count: 10.2k words summary: you decide to be kind after being cheated on. it spirals out of control, thanks to josh kiszka. pairing: josh kiszka x reader now playing: timeless (taylor's version) (from the vault) - taylor swift "and sometimes there's no proof, you just know/you're always gonna be mine/we're gonna be/i'm gonna love you when our hair is turnin' gray"

You book the cruise about six months before you break up with him.

Your whole family is going, you tell him, and it’ll be about five years since you got together when you go, it’ll be romantic!

When he proposes to you two months later, you decide to get married on the cruise. You’ll have the ceremony with your closest family, and then friends will be able to celebrate with you two when you get back, you’ll throw parties!

You catch him cheating on you about six months before you leave for the cruise.

At that point, you had already reached out to plan the wedding with the cruise line, you have your wedding outfit, you won’t be getting your deposit back. He will not be going, he says, because what sadist would go with your ex-fiancé’s family to the Bahamas for two weeks after they find out about your infidelity?

Your sister convinces you to go, telling you that your parents can renew their vows and you don’t even have to go.

You can get over the last of your feelings towards your ex while sipping a pina colada on a beach somewhere.

And this, dear reader, is the story of how you meet your husband on that cruise.

• • •

Day One:

Okay, so you don’t mean for him to be your husband, really. It goes something like this:

Your sister picks you up and you climb into this car with your parents, your sister, your nephew and your brother and his wife.

As your brother and his wife canoodle, still in their honeymoon phase, you make sure your nephew doesn’t spill his juice, and you ask yourself, is this it? Are you meant to have random sex and live a life of freedom yet loneliness and eventually leave everything to your nephew when you croak?

Maybe it isn’t that dramatic, but you still feel shitty!

You’re waiting at the port, sitting by the help service desk as you wait to board the ship. You’re entirely too occupied trying to fend off thoughts of your ex, yet you hear something that just catches your ears just right.

“I’m sorry, Mr. Kiszka, I can offer you a voucher for your next trip with us, but unless a stranger here offers you their ticket, I’m afraid you’re not going on this cruise. We’re all booked up.”

The man the employee is talking to looks like he just came from a trip to the Bahamas, with this wild curly hair and sandals on. He has these, almost goofy, sunglasses on. He stands with a few other people, one who looks just like him with straight hair.

His body language seems angry, but he’s handsome. And you feel it.

You feel an attraction that you haven’t felt since your ex.

And then you remember your ex, and the ticket in your bag that was abandoned by him, and you realize that someone can give this man their ticket.

You realize you can help this angry, handsome man.

You glance at your sister.

“I’m going to do something sort of crazy, and I need you to support me no matter what. Can you do that?” She smiles.

“Always and forever.”

You get up and grab the ticket from your bag, heading over to the counter where the man stands with the employee.

“And I’m telling you,” The man says, and you almost swoon at the stranger’s voice, “These are my credit card bills! My payment for this trip is right here, there has to be something you can do—”

“Excuse me?” Heads turn towards you, and the employee sighs.

“I’ll be with you in just a few minutes—”

“Oh, no, I—” You sigh, and hand the employee your ex-fiancé’s ticket. “This guest won’t be joining us on the trip, and since I paid for his trip, I’d like to give his ticket to the gentleman here.”

Translation: This guest was a lying piece of shit who broke my heart and was supposed to marry me on this trip, and since I footed the damn bill for aforementioned piece of shit, I’d like for the handsome stranger here to stay in my room.

The stranger looks at you like you just saved his life. Your heart swells.

You all look back to the employee, who looks exhausted.

“We can do that,” They scan the ticket, and start reading your ex-finance’s information. “Okay, so, Joshua Kiszka is going to be the name on the room and the ticket,” she starts, “He’ll have to stay in your room, is that okay?” They glance at you. You turn to Joshua.

“Are you an axe murderer or a creep?”

“Not that I know of.” He answers. You smile.

“That’s totally okay.”

“Alright,” The employee glances at their computer again, typing some stuff. “So, there’s two other things. Number one, there’s the romantic dinner for two this Saturday. Is he going to that?”

“Yes,” You answer, not thinking about it. You smile at the stranger, and he smiles back.

“And the wedding.” The stranger’s smile drops. Yeah, that was understandable.

Your hand lands on his arm, and you become vulnerable.

“Just, go with it for a while, okay? We’re not getting married on this trip, I promise.” You smile, and this seems to reassure Joshua, who turns back to the employee.

“We’re a couple of soon to be newlyweds, baby.” He smirked.

The Employee seems less sure. But they scan the ticket and type a few more things into their computer before handing the ticket to Josh.

“All set. I’d recommend boarding together to get your keycards and everything sorted out. Please step to the side so I can help the next guests.”

You oblige, and suddenly it hits you. You’re a stranger standing in front of a family after you just saved their vacation. You just invited a stranger to stay with you. Joshua looks at you.

“Well, that was a crazy way to ask me on a date.” He tells you, and you laugh.

“Did it work?”

“Absolutely, this vacation would’ve been ruined without you!” He grinned. “I’m Josh.”

You give him your name, and you can just see the relief on his face. He introduces you to his family, and you meet his brothers, Jake, Sam, and Danny, as well as his sister and parents. They’re all lovely. They begin to call boarding numbers, and Josh takes his backpack from his twin.

“I’m gonna go with them to figure this whole thing out, we’ll meet for lunch later?” They all agree, and Jake mentions how nice it was to meet you, and you head back to your family to board.

Your family looks extremely confused.

“Everyone, this is Josh—There was a problem with his ticket, and I figured since we had an extra, we can hangout with Josh for the trip.” Your sister laughs, and your nephew copies her giggles.

“Don’t worry, we’re not going to do anything wild together, I’m just so grateful that I’m actually going on this trip.” He said honestly. Then he turns to you. “So, what’s this about a wedding?” You laugh, and link your arm with his, a bit of a bold move on your part, but you’re feeling bold. For the first time in months, you want someone, and it’s making you feel bold.

Mostly, for the boarding process, you stand in pairs. You and Josh, your parents, your brother and sister-in-law, and your sister and nephew. You’re waiting in line when you start to explain.

“So, the wedding was originally supposed to be mine, yes. But, the groom turned out to be, uh..” You try to put it nicely, “Not the one.” Is the best thing you settle on, “So we’re going to use it as a way to have my parents renew their vows, or something.” You explain. Josh nods,

“But you realize that we’ll be regarded as the happy couple the entire time we’re on board, right?” You laugh at this idea of this dude you barely know being in love with you and marrying you.

“Josh, you don’t strike me as the type to shy away from the spotlight.” It’s just something about him that gives you the impression that when he walks into the room, he is the center of everyone’s attention. But he just laughs, almost a tad shy.

“Fine, then I’m making up a wild story about our meeting.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah, you remember it, right? When you invited me to be a guest at a wedding for a man you were in love with but fell in love with me through out the night?”

“Why does it always have to be about weddings with you, Josh?”

“You know me, I’m a romantic.” You roll your eyes at this, and you hand your boarding passes to the person at the podium, who scans them, and then glances to you.

“Enjoy your stay on the Princess of the Ocean!” The ship name almost makes you laugh, “And congratulations to you both! We hope your wedding and honeymoon is all you want and more!” You realize they must have your name on file, or something comes up when they scan your passes.

You don’t get a chance to respond, because Josh’s arm is around your waist, and he says,

“Everyone’s been lovely so far, thank you. We’re having a great time already, right, Doll?” Your face flushes.

“It’s a dream, honey.” You respond and kiss his cheek. The employee wishes you a great trip, and you head off to the ship.

“I guess we’re going to have to get used to that, huh?” You don’t move from his arm around you.

“I guess so, honey.” You tell him.

You make your way onto the ship, wondering if this could be different. When you get to your cabin, it’s decorated with wedding stuff, and it makes you and Josh both laugh with red faces. On the bed, are towels in the shape of swans, who make a heart with their necks.

Josh tells you they look just like the two of you, and you can’t help but get this feeling that it’ll be impossible to stay away from him while on this ship, no matter how big it is.

• • •

Day Three:

But then you don’t see much of Josh for the second day of your cruise, finding your day full of drinking and running around with your nephew, who you can’t help but indulge in all the kid stuff. You take him on the slides, in the pools, to bumper cars. You get him a Shirley Temple when he gives you puppy dog eyes.

But during your second day at sea, you sort of want to see Josh. He’s out of the room before you even wake up, even though he got back to the cabin after you went to sleep last night. You miss your fake husband.

So, when you see him by a bar around noon, you approach him.

“You look familiar,” you start, “Do I know you?” You ask, a playful smile on your face. He laughs.

“Could be, we’re getting married next week.” You giggle and ask the bartender for a tropical, fruity, alcoholic drink. Josh asks him to make it two. “I want to say thank you again, for letting me take your douchebags ticket.” You smile at his hatred towards an ex he’s never met.

“Don’t worry about it. Why’d you decide to come on this cruise in the first place?” You ask curiously.

“Well, we got back from tour about a month ago, and we knew we’d be wanting to take a vacation that doesn’t involve preforming anywhere.” This leaves you with more questions then answers, and he sees it on your face, “We play in a band, my brothers and I. We scheduled a tour for this year and wanted to reward ourselves with some relaxation.” Huh. “How about you?”

“Well, my parents wanted me to go with them to celebrate their retirement. Then, it was to get married because that worked out so well.” You know you sound bitter about it. It’s because you are.

“Well, I like your new husband more anyways.” He tells you. It makes you laugh.

“We’re are you from?”

“Michigan, originally. I live in Nashville, now.”

“For music purposes, right?”

“Right.” He takes a sip of his drink, “And you?”

“Atlanta, Georgia.” You told him. “But I don’t know, that cities way too small when you have someone living there that you thought you’d marry.” You confess. “What type of music do you play?”

“Oh, we’ll play anything, but we’re known for our rock and roll.” He smiles.

“Well, what do you like to play?”

“I really love all of it, but my true passion is film. I sing. I’m partial to singing jazz.” He explains.

“Huh..”

“And what about you? What do you do for work?”

“Nothing as cool as singing for a rock and roll band.” You admit. “I’m a teacher. I’ve taught a lot of groups, but my favorite is high schoolers, honestly. I teach English.”

“Oh, an Academic?” You laugh.

“Shut up, film boy.” He fakes a hurt gasp, placing his hand on his chest.

“I’m hurt, Doll. I don’t know if I want to marry you anymore.”

“That’s a shame. We already put the deposit down, I’m not getting my money back.” He laughs with you this time.

You talk a while more, and before you know it, your stomach is rumbling for lunch. He walks you to the popular lunch spot on board and decides to join you for lunch.

You both wind up taking bites from each other’s plates.

“Do you like grapefruit, Doll?”

“God no, I was sick once, so my mom gave me one, supposed to be very good for you,” You pause, “I threw up while eating it and haven’t eaten a grapefruit since.”

“Aw, that’s a shame, it wasn’t the grapefruit’s fault!”

“Yeah, but now I associate the grapefruit with throwing up.” You told him.

“I’m sure the grapefruit longs for your forgiveness, Doll.”

“Shut up, Honey.”

• • •

Day Five:

You wind up spending all of day three with Josh, but you don’t see him much on day four—It’s your first day at the beach you’re docked at, so you both want to spend it with your family.

You learned a lot about him on day three—His favorite foods, his favorite movies, music, stories of him and his brothers on tour, growing up. He learns that you went to school in Florida before moving to Georgia, and that you have a scar on your stomach from getting your appendix removed when you were nine.

Learning about each other makes you yearn for him.

The fifth day, though, he’s still in the room when you get up. He grins at you when you wake up, coming out of the bathroom amid brushing his teeth. His hair is wet from a shower, and you sit up, deciding you desperately need a shower.

“Morning, Pumpkin.” He grins as you grab clothes for the day from your bag.

“Morning, sunshine.” You grumble.

“Do you want to go to the beach with me today?” He asks.

You grin and nod, “Sure. Sounds cool. Just let me shower.”

When you finally head off the ship to the beach, Josh has decided he needs to hold your hand. It’s a requirement, he decides.

“We’re betrothed, after all!” He defends.

It makes you laugh, but you’re happy to hold his hand. The sun beats down on you, but there’s this warmth that feels good. You’re unsure if it’s from the sun or from Josh, but you don’t ask. You just walk with him.

There’s something that’s just easier with Josh around, something that requires no thinking. You can’t really put your finger on it, but you love being around him.

You pass this private beach that you must pay to get into. Josh, in his infinite wisdom, decides the two of you can have fun with this.

“Do you trust me?” He asks, as he takes your hand and drags you off to a shop with a sign that says, ‘locally made jewelry’ in it’s window.

You’re suspicious, but you would follow him to the end of the earth.

“Absolutely not.” You respond, but make no effort to stop him from walking you to the store. He looks around for a second before pulling you over to the ring section.

“Pick out something nice, we might as well milk the whole marriage thing.” You wind up choosing a delicate looking ring that has gold flower decals and a small black diamond in the middle, which you’re pretty sure isn’t real.

You ask the employee to try it on, and it fits like a glove.

Josh can’t take his eyes off you with this ring he’s about to buy for you.

“We’ll take it.” He says to the employee, handing him his card before you can object, and you look to him.

“You didn’t have to do that.”

“We’re getting married, of course I did.” He jokes, but then he becomes more serious for a moment. “Plus, I told you, I owe you a million times because I wouldn’t be here without you.” He says softly.

You lean forward and kiss his cheek.

“It was my pleasure.” You say softly. The employee is done ringing you up, and he looks like he’s on the verge of tears.

“I just want to say how happy I am for you two. You’re a beautiful couple.” He hands you the ring and you slip it onto your ring finger.

“Thank you.” You tell him, smiling, and admiring your new engagement ring. Josh wishes him a good day and takes your hand to head back to the beach, where the person letting people in stops you and Josh, telling you the cost to get into the beach. Josh goes for his wallet before smoothly throwing in,

“Thanks for this, it’s such a nice place to spend our time before the wedding. One last quiet moment before the chaos leading up to it.”

“Oh, when are you getting married?” She asks.

“Next Thursday.” You smile. “We’re getting married on the cruise ship over there.” You point, and she shakes her head.

“Don’t worry about the admission fee, I remember how chaotic it was to get married in a familiar place, let alone on a boat.” She chuckles softly and lets you pass.

“Thank you so much!” You say gratefully, never letting go of Josh’s hand. He smiles to you.

“You’re a natural.” He says, as soon as you’re far away from the employee.

“Are you kidding? I’m literally shaking, I keep thinking someone’s gonna call our bluff on the whole wedding thing! I don’t know how you’re managing it.” You tell him honestly.

“I think you’re doing great.” He tells you. “Besides, we’re technically not lying! You were supposed to get married next Thursday on the ship, it just wasn’t supposed to be with me and it’s now for your parents.” He reminds. This is true, you suppose. Plus, with Josh, it’s so easy for you to lie and say he’s in love with you or that he’s the love of your life.

The beach is beautiful—It’s clean and quiet, and you both lay in beach chairs that have been laid out for two.

You’re just laying there for a while, but eventually you turn your head to admire him for a while. He wears a short-sleeved button up, that’s this light blue color. It’s opened, exposing his torso. He has on swim trunks too, and his sandals are discarded on the sand. He also wears this pretty necklace that matches his sunglasses.

“I can feel you looking at me.” He says softly, not turning his hand. Your face flushes and you turn your head back and close your eyes, enjoying the feeling of the sun on your skin.

“Sorry. You’re just really gorgeous.” You confess. He smiles.

“Doll, if I didn’t know any better, I’d say you had a crush on me.”

“You’re the one that bought me a ring, Honey.”

“Touche.” Your conversation is cut short when someone approaches you with two pina coladas from the bar. On the house for the happy couple, he says.

After a quick conversation with him, you find out he runs this tropical paradise, and that he’s celebrating twenty years with the woman who waived your admission fee. They got married on this very beach; he tells you. You thank him profusely and when he leaves, you and Josh raise your glasses to each other in celebration for your faux marriage.

“Bajabule.” He hums, taking a sip of his drink.

You think you can get used to being engaged to Josh Kiszka.

• • •

Day Seven:

For those of us in the crowd who have never been on a cruise, there’s always a day on board where you have to dress fancy and nice, and the captain makes this speech, it’s called the captain’s dinner.

When you got engaged to your fiancé, you decided that on this captain’s dinner night, you would book a private, romantic dinner to have a moment of peace before the wedding.

And, like everything else regarding your ex and the wedding, it was nonrefundable, and you were planning on either doing it on your own or giving it to someone else who could enjoy it.

Then, you met Josh. And you had a reason to go.

So, you ask Josh that morning to come with you to this dinner before you leave for breakfast.

“Like a date?” He asks. You smile. Except for swimming and showering, you haven’t taken off your ring.

“Exactly like a date. Be my date tonight, Honey.”

He puts his hand on your cheek.

“Anything for you, Doll.”

So, you spend the whole day excited for your date. You have breakfast with your parents, and then spend the afternoon with your sister and brother, while your sister-in-law takes your nephew and parents to the beach.

You tell them about Josh, and they share this look, you’re not sure what it means, you’re too busy admiring your ring and gushing about how funny and handsome he is.

Your sister sits on your bed, all dressed with her son on her lap as you get ready. You’re nervous and you’re not sure why. Josh gets ready with his brothers.

“You look great,” Your sister assures.

“I just don’t know why I’m so nervous!”

“Maybe because this is your first first date in six years?” That could be it.

“But it’s not with just any random guy, it’s Josh. He’s so casual and cool about everything.”

“Is that supposed to make you feel better?” You see her point.

You sigh and take one last look in the mirror, before slipping on your ring. You turn to your sister.

“How do I look?” Your hair and makeup is nice, and your outfit looks really good on you.

“You look amazing. If he doesn’t like the way you look tonight, he’s not worth it.” You want him to be worth it. You want it desperately; in a way you never knew you could want.

“Thanks.” You smile, nervously. You hear a knock on the door and open it to see him standing there. He wears a white button up with the top two buttons undone, as well as black pants. He’s so good looking it almost kills you.

“Hi.” He grins. “You look amazing.”

“You look amazing.” You respond. You lean forward and kiss his cheek, and he peeks into the room to see your sister and nephew. He greets them and smiles, before taking your hand in his.

“Ready to go?” You nod and tell your sister to give everyone at dinner your love before you head out for your date. Dinner is at this candlelit restaurant, where you and Josh sit at a private table behind this beaded curtain.

“This place is so nice..” You tell him. “I don’t know If I’ve ever been on a first date this fancy.” You confess. He smiles.

“Me neither. It’s beautiful here.” He takes your hand that rests on the table. Your waitress comes in with a bottle of champagne in an ice bucket, introducing herself as Anna, and telling you about the menu for tonight.

“The chef has chosen five courses for our patrons tonight. It isn’t the same as last night’s dishes nor will it be the same as tomorrow’s. It’s preselected, so if there’s any allergies, just let me know. Now, I understand that we’re celebrating a special occasion tonight.” She hums as she pours the two of you champagne.

You look to Josh and wait for him to make up some story about wanting peace and quiet before you get married. Instead, he looks to Anna and says,

“First date. I think this one might just stick, too.”

“First date on a cruise ship? My, what a fairytale.” She smiles. “Well, we hope to give you a night to remember and a start to something wonderful.” She tells you both. “I’ll be back with your first course, soon. Enjoy the champagne, my friends.” She leaves, and you look to Josh.

“Why didn’t you tell her we’re supposed to be engaged?”

“I don’t think she’s the type to tell on us. Besides, this is real. I meant what I said, I want you to stick around...”

“I want you to stick around too.” You confess. You make conversation, getting to know each other through dinner. It’s all delicious, really. Over dessert, you decide that you can’t take it anymore. “I’m having a great time.”

“Me too.”

“I wouldn’t have asked anyone else to go on this date with me.” You confess.

“I would hope not.” He smiled.

“No, Josh, I’m being serious. It has shocked me to my core, but I’m finding myself wanting you more and more.” You tell him, your eyes meet his. “I think one of the best decisions I ever made was giving you that ticket.”

He says your name softly, and when he’s not saying anything like this back to you, you feel tears in your eyes. Is it possible that this man you’ve found yourself falling for has been playing pretend the whole time, the way you were meant to be as well?

“I’m sorry...” You say shakily. “I thought that... That maybe you’d feel the same way about me, but I was- “He squeezes your hand softly.

“Stop. I do want you… I want you so badly it’s destroying me to not have you.” He tells you. Your face flushes. “I’ve wanted you ever since I saw you, and I’ve been thanking whatever force that exists in the universe for meeting you.” He confesses.

Before you can respond, Anna comes back, asking if you want anything else, more champagne, perhaps?

“Can you have someone send it to our room in about two hours?” Josh asks. Anna, who must get that request often, thinks nothing of it.

“Of course. Enjoy the rest of your night, young lovers.” She leaves, and Josh leaves her a generous cash tip, before standing up and grabbing your hand again.

“Come on.” He tells you, and you follow him, curious as to what he has planned. There’s something in his eyes, a spark he gets when he has an idea. You follow him out of the restaurant, your hand locked into his, as you lean your head on his shoulder. He walks with you, all the way up to the top deck of the ship, where it’s quiet and the stars are plentiful. Maybe it’s the alcohol. Maybe it’s the way you’re looking at him. But Josh leans forward and kisses you, and it’s full of a gentleness you haven’t felt in years.

Your hands land on his jaw, as you deepen the kiss slightly, the night air and the passion you feel sends a shiver down your spine, only amplified by Josh’s hands on your hips.

He pulls away for a moment, looking to you.

“Let me take you back to our room.” He says softly.

“To do what?” You ask in a teasing voice. He groans and kisses you again before pulling away to add,

“So, I can make you feel good, Doll. So, I can watch you in pleasure underneath me.” He tells you. His voice is low, and there’s a lust you haven’t heard before.

“Okay.” You tell him.

“Okay?”

“Yes. Yes, Josh, please take me back to the room and fuck me.”

“As you wish, Doll.”

And he does exactly that.

• • •

Day Eight:

Your entire body aches when you wake up, tangled in sheets and in Josh’s arms. You feel amazing. Your eyes flutter open to see him admiring you, and you bury your face in the pillow as you groan. He laughs, his hand gently tracing patterns into your shoulder blade.

“Good morning, Pumpkin.” He says gently, kissing your ear.

“Good morning, Sunshine.” You tell him, before finally picking your head up to look at him. “Josh, I think you’re something equivalent to a sex god.” You say honestly. He laughs.

“Thank you, Baby.” He hums. “Wanna order room service?” He asks.

“Nah... I want you to do that thing you did last night, the one that made me scream.” You reply, and he has this smirk on his lips that makes you want him desperately.

“As you wish.”

You don’t get out of bed until lunch time, and even then, he joins you in the shower.

• • •

Day Nine:

Jake has to beg his brother to come up for air and ask you to join them for drinks that night. He’s worried, maybe that you’ll be scared off by the three of them, or maybe you’ll realize you don’t like him as much.

But you’re thrilled to get to know them, and you head down to the bar around six for drinks and dancing.

“Hey guys!” Sam calls over to you when he sees you. Josh still seems nervous, and you don’t really understand it. You both like each other more than you can put into words, so why is he so nervous for you to meet the three men he calls brothers?

Well, because his brothers are assholes.

You slid into the booth next to Jake, and you go to engage him in conversation. Instead, Sammy loudly calls over to the bartender. “Hey! My brothers getting married next week, how about some shots?”

Josh looks like he might die.

“I am so sorry about him—” You laugh, leaning against him as you try to contain your laughs.

“No, No, it’s funny, I’m glad you told them about it.” You turn back to the boys. “How are you guys enjoying the cruise so far?”

“It’s been great!” Danny yells over the music. “The beaches are so nice!”

“Did Josh tell you about the private beach we found?’

“Yeah! He also told me about the two of you conning your way into free drinks and shit!”

“It’s technically not a lie! I was supposed to be married on Thursday, just not to Josh.” You explain, and Sam laughs.

“You know, Josh has been doing nothing but talk about you, but you’re much funnier than he mentioned.” He hums. You glance over to Josh, who just blushes and rolls his eyes.

“You talked about me? What sort of things does he talk about?”

“Let’s not embarrass him, guys.” Jake says a smirk on his face.

“Thank you, Jake—”

“His new beau doesn’t need to know that he’s constantly gushing about ‘em!” The boys all break out in laughter, and you can’t help but giggle a bit. Josh is overly embarrassed.

“Douchebags! All of you are assholes!” He laughed, not really mad at them. He’s just enamored with you, and despite sleeping with you and telling you as much, it’s still a little bit embarrassing. Not that he’s embarrassed of you, but he finds himself falling for you more and more as the days go by. It’s hard to verbalize.

“Aw, Joshy, they’re just having fun, honey.” You hum. Leaning over and kissing his cheek, a habit you’re finding yourself getting more and more used to.

Shots land in front of the five of you, and Sam holds his up.

“To the happy couple!” You all drink your shots, and you think something crazy.

You think maybe you could get used to doing this. Being a part of their group. Being close to him, to them.

Maybe you could do this for the rest of your life.

You blame it on the alcohol, this feeling that this could last forever.

But when you look at Josh, you’re just enamored by him, in a way that’s deeper than just being a fan or just a crush.

And it crosses your mind for a second.

This crazy idea.

You kiss Josh quick, forgetting about the idea, blaming it on the alcohol again.

• • •

Day Ten:

You wake up with this wicked hangover, and to your disdain, Josh is nowhere to be found. You decide to get dressed and grab breakfast, figuring he’ll either text you or find you when he wants to see you.

But every few moments you’re turning as if you want to say something to him.

It’s frustrating because you know how crazy it is that you like him so much.

And it’s scary because you haven’t felt this way in a long time, maybe even a year or two, because with Josh, you realize how much you weren’t in love with your ex-fiancé, and it’s wild because you thought you’d marry him.

But it’s different with Josh, Better, most definitely. That thought from last night comes back, and you can’t blame it on the liquor anymore, and you can’t blame it on Josh looking amazing in bar lighting, and you can’t blame it on how connected you feel to his brothers because they aren’t around.

Your hand drifts to your ring finger, and you play with your ring, thinking about Josh. You wonder what will happen when you get off this ship. You wonder how it would be taking weekly trips to Nashville, especially when the school year starts and you’re busy with grading and lesson plans.

It all seems totally ridiculous. Why bother then?

But you keep coming back to it. This crazy idea, like an itch you just can’t scratch. You want to verbalize it, you want to ask it of Josh, but you realize how damn wild it is.

Maybe he’ll like that.

You’re lost in your thoughts when you feel a hand on the small of your back. You grin.

“You know, Honey, I—” When you turn around, you don’t find Josh. You find some random asshole who is already drunk, because, when in Rome. “Get the fuck off me, Dude.” You move away from him.

“What’s the matter? You seemed into it before—”

“I thought you were someone else.”

“Oh, you got a little boyfriend?”

“Fiancé, actually.” Like magic, Josh appears behind the stranger. He looks angry. He looks jealous. He looks hot. “Is there a problem here?” he asked, tilting his head. He moves to you and wraps his arm around your waist.

“No problem, man.” The creepy dude backs off, walking off. Josh looks to you and cups his hand to your cheek.

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” You say softly, “I’m okay...” You bite your tongue, before adding, “That was sort of hot—”

“I’m sorry?”

“No, not that asshole, you! Being protective of me like that… I’m not used to it.”

“Oh… Well—”

“And you were jealous. So hot.”

“I was not jealous!”

“Honey, you most totally were! It was so so attractive.”

“Why?” He seems genuine.

“Because... C’mon, I have to tell you a story, but we gotta go sit down so I can tell it.” You sigh. You wind up leaving the restaurant and sitting on a beach chair on the top deck. He keeps his hand on your thigh as you relax. Your heart is beating rapidly, and you’re not sure why you’re so anxious, but Josh seems to sense this.

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah. Yeah, I just hate this story…” You take a deep breath before you begin. “I was with my ex for about five years. He asked me to marry him after we booked this cruise, and I don’t know why I said yes… Maybe I loved him, but I wasn’t… In love with him like everyone describes I should be... But he never did anything romantic for me, no flowers, no sexy things, certainly no jealousy… So, I’m not sure why the cheating on me destroyed me so much, but it did. I haven’t felt anything for anyone since then. Until you.” You told him, and he just has this focused look on his face.

“He sounds horrible.” You laugh, tears falling from your face that you didn’t even realize you had. He wipes them tenderly.

“Yeah...” You say softly, leaning into his touch.

“Wanna hear my sob story now?”

“Sure, Honey.”

“I’m falling in love with someone who I met last week and might never see again after Saturday.”

“Josh...”

“We don’t have to ruin anything with commitment, we don’t…” His breath is shaky, and you catch tears running down his face, too. “I just need you to know that I’m falling in love with you, and I have no intentions of staying away from you or stopping that process.”

“I wouldn’t ask you to. Never.” You tell him earnestly. “I’m falling in love with you too.” You wipe his tears. Even crying, your boy is beautiful.

“Well, then we’ll just hope that the ship sinks before it docks so we can go down in history as the lovers who should’ve made it.” He smiles. It makes you cry harder, offering all this comfort but no happiness. Josh frowns and wraps his arms around you. “I’m sorry for making you cry.”

“It’s okay…” You whisper. “You have this way with words... It makes it hard not to be moved or not to fall deeper in love with you.”

“I thought we agreed no preventing the inevitable like falling in love with each other?” You pull away from the hug and wipe his tears. He kisses yours away.

“Right, well I’m instilling a new rule. Not preventing us from falling in love with each other. No more tears, either Kiszka?” You hold out your pinky. He links your pinkies together and then you both kiss the ends of your hands on instinct, giggling when you realize you both did it without words. It’s like an invisible string that had connected you all this time.

“You got it, Doll.” He says softly, before leaning forward and kissing you gently. You decide not to worry too much about it, realizing that if the universe was smart enough to bring you and Josh together for these two weeks, you’d find your way back to each other again. How could you not?

You were falling in love with each other, after all.

• • •

Day Eleven:

You wake up the next day to your favorite sight. Josh tangled in the sheets with you, but for once he’s still asleep. You love it. You wound up spending the day with him and then going to dinner with your family, the night full of laughs, because Josh is just so God damn charming.

He’s so pretty.

You grab your phone from your dresser and then take a photo of him, all sleepy and shining under the sunlight.

His eyes flutter open after a few minutes of you admiring him.

“Well, good morning, Pumpkin.” He says in this low morning voice. Your fingers play with his hair,

“Good morning, sunshine.” You grin, leaning down and kissing his head. He turns to you and smiles.

“What do you have planned for today?” At this question, you groan. Fuck, you forgot everything you have to do today.

“I have a meeting with a notary, who doubles as the cruise line’s wedding coordinator, that I was supposed to go to with my ex…” You sigh. “But now I gotta go and tell them that no, I am not getting married, and that the ceremony is going to be a renewal of vows for my parents.” You sigh and rub your eyes. Josh looks at you, and he has that idea spark in his eyes. You see it, and he knows you see it. “What? What is it?” You ask.

For a moment, you wonder if he has the same idea that you’ve had for the past few days. But that’s crazy, why would he possibly think that you two should go through with it, that you two should get married?

“What if we went through with it? Getting married, I mean?”

Well, I’ll be damned. He did have that thought.

“Josh—” You grin, and he shakes his head, burying his face in his pillow.

“Never mind, that’s dumb, I’m sorry…” He sighs. “We just met, it’s a completely crazy idea, I just can’t get it out of my head, and—”

“Let’s do it.”

“What?”

“Let’s get married.” What the fuck are you talking about? Why would you agree to this? “It’s bonkers.”

“I completely agree.” He speaks. “You need a dress.”

“We need rings.”

“We need to tell our families…” You grab your phone and start to make a list. Get notarized, get a dress, get rings, tell families. That’s the list.

Busy busy day. Josh takes your hand and kisses the back of it, squeezing your hand. Then, you get up and head off to shower.

As the two of you get ready to meet the notary, you begin to realize how crazy this is. You met Josh what? Ten, eleven days ago? How did you manage to fall in love with him so quickly? You try not to think too much about it. Worst case scenario, you get an annulment, right?

You’re getting married to a rockstar and you’re not even a groupie.

Josh meets you at the door and takes your hand, and you begin to grow nervous. Not to get married but to tell your parents. This was a wild idea that you most definitely did not see them approving of. But you’re an adult, you can make your own choices.

Josh squeezes your hand when you get into the elevator. As the doors close, you begin to kiss him, full of this need.

Eventually, you do make it to your notary, Linda.

“Hi! You must be Mr. and Mrs. Austin—”

“No, actually. Mr. and Mrs. Josh Kiszka, and I have no intention of being Mrs. Josh. Mrs. Kiszka is fine.” You smile.

“Oh, my mistake. I didn’t realize—”

“Spur of the moment decision. Which, I know is crazy and you probably don’t get that a lot, but—”

“Elopements of all types are extremely common especially in the vacation business.” She assures. “And honestly, I met my wife and knew I wanted to marry her after a week. Some people wait years to get married and only last for a few months. Others get married after two weeks and stay together for the rest of their lives. When you know, you know.” She advises. You like that, and grin.

“When you know, you know.” You repeat. “What do we have to do to get married?” She hands you two forms for a marriage license and goes through them with you.

“And are you going to take his last name?”

Kiszka. Mrs. Kiszka. You imagine your students calling you that, imagine the name on your ID, on a sign in your home.

“Yeah. Yeah, I think I will.” You smile. She guides you through the steps to do that on the marriage license. It takes a while, but you eventually get the licenses filled out, and Linda takes them back.

“Amazing. I’m going to make sure everything looks good here and give you confirmation tomorrow. At the very least, you get married by the captain tomorrow and then when you get back to the states, you’ll fill out the license again, and celebrate your anniversary as tomorrow not when the license goes through.” That seems simple enough.

“Thank you.” You tell her. Josh parrots you, and Linda just smiles.

“Of course. I wish you two a very long and happy marriage.” She says, “Is there anything else I can do for you?”

“Yeah, you remember how we said this was last minute?” She nods. “Where can we get rings and a wedding dress?”

She directs you to a small boutique on the island you’re docked at, somewhere that has lots of gowns for stupid decisions like yours. Then, she tells you there’s a jeweler on board. Is there anything this ship doesn’t have?

So you head off to the jewelers first, and you, honestly, spend more time doing this than anything else. You look at black bands, and they’re not your style. You look at silver, but it really doesn’t go with the gold ring you got the other day.

Then you land on these gold wedding bands. They’re engraved with leaf patterns, and the jeweler advertises custom ring carvings in less than 24 hours.

“Hey,” He says to the attendant at the counter. “Can we see the gold bands?” He takes them out and hands them to you, and you both place it on your right ring finger. It’s bad luck to try them on your left hand, right?

They fit like gloves.

Josh glances up to the attendant. “How long would it take to engrave our initials into each other’s rings with tomorrow’s date?”

“Couple of hours. You can pick them up tomorrow morning.” He tells you two, and Josh nods.

“Great.” He tells him your initials and his, so that he gets them right, and hands him his card.

Your next step is the boutique. And you stop Josh before you go into the boutique.

“Wait here.”

“What?”

“It’s bad luck to see my wedding dress before the day of.” He scoffs, playfully.

“We’re getting married tomorrow, doll. Besides, we’re not really traditional.” He has a point, but you shake your head.

“C’mon, for me? I won’t be long.” You play with his collar. He kisses you gently, and nods.

“Okay, okay. Good luck with your shopping.” He tells you, and you kiss him quickly before heading over to find yourself a wedding dress.

You don’t find a bunch of white options, but here are your options:

The first is a pretty silk thing but it makes your proportions look bizarre. So, you move on.

The second makes you look like a Mormon, with long sleeves and a turtleneck. It goes down to your ankles and is made of a heavy fabric. No, thank you.

The third is a new age dress that is white with complex black designs. You appreciate the look, but you decide it isn’t for you.

The fourth one is one you weren’t excited about, but then when you try it on, it’s all you want. It’s a 50’s style cut, and it comes down just past your knees, with a corset top. But the skirt and corset has floral designs, with the skirt being a thin lace layer with the flower print. It’s gorgeous, and it almost makes you cry to see yourself in the mirror.

It exudes spring energy. You think about Josh’s face when he sees you walk down the aisle.

You go to pay for it at the counter, and you pick up a pair of simple white heels, and a pearl necklace.

There’s a bouquet of flowers that sits by the counter. You get an idea when you see them and throw them into the pile of wedding things you have.

“Special occasion?” The cashier asks, an amused smile on their face as they ring you up.

“My wedding day tomorrow.”

“It’s a beautiful dress.” They hum. “Congratulations.”

“Thank you.” You hum, a blush filling your cheeks. They put the dress in a garment bag, so it isn’t visible, and you hold the bag in the other hand.

“How’d you make out?” Josh asks.

“Lovley. I even got myself accessories.” You grin. Josh leans forward and kisses you quickly.

“My bride to be…”

“My husband to be.” You say softly. “We need to text our families. Maybe we could have them meet us for dinner and tell them then?”

“Yeah, that’s a great idea.” He says. You whip out your phones and spend a few minutes texting your families on the cruise asking them to dinner. Then, you turn back to your husband to be, for real, not just to get free things.

“Wanna go back to our cabin...?” You smirk. “We should engage in premarital… activities.”

“Oh, Doll… You’ll be the death of me...” He growls, taking your hand and leading you back to the ship.

You spend your time until dinner doing your favorite things with Josh, and then you spend about two hours fashioning your bouquet of flowers into a flower crown, leaving a few to tuck into Josh’s hair and suit pocket.

He was off grabbing coffees for the two of you, when there’s a knock on your door. You answer it, and it’s your sister. Oh.

“Hey!” You grin, going back to your work on the flower crown.

“Hey, why’d you ask your roommate and his family to join us for dinner?” She hums. You’re about to answer when she looks around the room. She sees the garment bag hanging from your bathroom door, the white shoes and pearls, flowers scattered around the room. Her eyes land on the gold wedding bands on your dresser. She says your name, before adding, “You aren’t…”

“Listen, I know how crazy it is—”

“It’s more than crazy!” She says, sitting on the bed with you. “You’ve known him for a week!”

“…Ten days.” You say, a little ashamed, your older sister disapproving of your choices.

“C’mon.” She says.

“Mom and Dad have been married for twenty years.” You say. “They got married after six months. Arthur and Veroncia got married after a year! You had a baby with a guy who you aren’t even dating anymore. So what if I’ve only known him for a week? Who gives a shit? People have gotten married after a week and stayed together their entire life, others get engaged after five years and don’t even make it to marriage!” You sigh, rubbing your eyes. “Maybe it’s a mistake. But it’ll be the best god damn mistake of my life, so just stand by the alter and look pretty for me.” You ask.

She looks at you for a few minutes.

“Okay. Yeah, I’ll be there. You’re right, it could be a mistake, but it could be amazing.” She hums. “You have a nicer man than I do.” She grins. You laugh and hug her. “Now let me see your dress, Mrs. Kiszka!”

That night at dinner, you hold Josh’s hand nervously, as if he’ll float away if you let go. Your two families get along great. Your parents love his, your siblings quickly get accustomed to his, and your nephew sits on Josh’s lap, and they entertain each other.

Between Dinner and Dessert, when your nephew returns to his seat, you stand up and gently clink your glass for everyone’s attention.

“Hi everybody. Thanks so much for coming tonight,” Is this a rehearsal dinner? “So, a few of you might have noticed my ring, and uh—It started as a joke. To get free stuff.” You say, earning a few laughs at the table. “But it developed into something more.” You look to Josh. “And what I’m about to say, is crazy, I know that. And I’ve been thinking about it for a few days, and nothing has ever felt so right. So support us or not, I don’t care. This is what’s happening and—”

“Spit it out already!” Your dad laughs. You pause, your hands shaking. Josh takes it in his.

“So, Josh and I are getting married tomorrow.”

Silence. No response. You feel tears in your eyes.

“Mozel Tov!” Your mom gasps, standing up and going over to the two of you. She hugs you tightly, and her congratulations break the tension of the table as the rest of them come over to congratulate you.

Anyone who has reservations against your decisions keep them to themselves. Jake comes over to congratulate you two, and suddenly Josh is nervous again.

“Congrats, man!”

“You’re not mad?” Josh asks.

“Mad? You’re marrying a girl you met last week. That is so rock and roll!” He pulls josh into a hug, and then he hugs you. “Oh, good luck, hot stuff.” He hums and kisses your cheek. You feel loved.

“Good,” Josh grins, “Because you’re going to be my best man.” You turn to your parents.

“You’re not mad?” You ask.

“No, of course not. It’s crazy, but you’re an adult. If you love him, you need to do what’s best for you.” You grin.

“Thank you. We should schedule a different renewal of your vows, too, and—” Your dad hugs you.

After dessert, you hold your nephew in your arms, and he’s sleepy.

“Is Josh gonna be my uncle?” He asks softly, and you smile, kissing his head.

“Yeah. I think so...”

“Good. He’s cool…” You look at Josh and admire him laughing with your sister and his brothers.

“Yeah. I think so too.”

• • •

Day Twelve:

Your wedding day goes by way too quickly, and before you know it? You’re slipping on your heels and clipping the pearl necklace around your neck. Your phone rings.

It’s Josh.

“Hey, Honey. What’s going on?” You ask.

“Doll, there’s a photographer by the venue, was this planned?”

Shit. You forgot about that.

“Yeah, uh, let her take photos of you and our families, and she’ll photograph the ceremony. Then, she’ll take photos of the happy couple.”

“Oh yeah? And who would that be?”

“I love you, Joshua.”

“I love you.” He says your name. You hang up, and your parents are knocking at your door. You open it, and they’re speechless at your ensemble.

“Does Arthur have the wedding rings?” You ask, hoping he’ll give them to your nephew.

“Oh, baby, you look beautiful.” Your mom coos, and it hits you.

You’re getting married.

You grin, and head down to the small venue that has been put together on the ship. The photographer takes a few photos of you, and you’re suddenly happy you paid for the whole package.

And then it’s time. Your parents walk you down the aisle, and when you see Josh standing there, his brothers as his best men, your sister stands with your nephew on the other side of the alter. You kiss your parents quickly, before you stand in front of Josh, taking his hands. Your cheeks hurt from smiling.

“Hey.” You say softly.

“Hi…”

“This is crazy, right?” You whisper.

“Absolutely. You look amazing.” He hums. It’s funny because he looks ethereal. The flowers in his hair look amazing.

“You look amazing.”

“I love you.”

The captain, your officiant, begins the usual--- Telling everyone why they’re here, about life and death.

“Do you two want to say a few words?” He asks.

“I’ll go.” Josh says gently. “For a long time, I never thought I’d find anyone who could keep up with me. Who could love me for all the parts of me… And then you came along and immediately, you showed me this infinite kindness. I knew I would never get over you in that moment. I love you. And I hope this marriage is an infinite source of happiness and wild adventures. And if not, fuck it—” He cringes, realizing he used fuck in his wedding vows, “Fuck it. Let’s make it a crazy and fun marriage even if it only lasts a week.” You almost kiss him right there and then.

“Josh, I don’t… I never really thought I’d fall in love again. I never thought I would fall in love with anyone again. I… I thought that maybe… Maybe I was unlovable or...” You play with his fingers. “Whatever. But when I met you, I realized that I didn’t know what love was before you came into my life. And since I’ve met you, life has just been crazy, full of love and this… this general glow for life. I love you. I love you deeper than anyone I’ve ever known, and I like to think we have a golden type of love. I’ll love you forever, no matter what. Marriage or not.”

You realize you’re crying and Josh wipes your tears.

“I thought we promised no more crying, doll.”

“Sorry, Honey.” You whisper.

The Captain smiles and looks to you.

“Do you take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband, in sickness and in health? In richer and in poorer? For better and for worse?”

“I do.” A ring is slipped onto your finger.

He turns to Josh.

“Do you take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife, in sickness and in health? In richer and in poorer? For better and for worse?”

“I do.” You slip a ring onto his.

“You may now kiss the bride.” And he does. He places his hands on your hips and pulls you in, kissing you deeply.

The rest of forever starts now, and with Josh by your side, that doesn’t seem so daunting.

• • •

Day Thirteen:

Only technically is it day thirteen.

After the ceremony, the photographer dragged you and Josh off to take photos, and then you went to dinner. You had cake, and then the party really started. Josh’s parents and your own call it an early night and promise to watch over your nephew.

The rest of you go out and drink until you and Josh stumble off into the night. It’s around two a.m., maybe three.

You lay on the beach chairs that you had your talk on back on day ten. Josh holds your hand as you listen to the waves crash, and even drunk, you admire the stars from the top deck.

“Honey?”

“Yeah, Doll?”

“I love you.”

“What happens when we get off the boat..?”

“We…” he sighs softly. “We try long distance. We can make It work until we decide to move in together.”

“It’ll probably be a while, unless I can get a job before the school year starts in Nashville...”

“I’ll wait for you.”

“And when you go on tour?”

“You’ll knit on our porch and wait for me to come back.”

“You’ll write songs about me?”

“Baby, every song is about you.” You kiss his cheek. “It’s all about you...” He hums.

You listen to the waves crashing as Josh starts to sing you something. Light My Love, you think.

It makes you realize you’ll never regret marrying him.

• • •

Day Fourteen:

You have to get off the ship early. Like, eight a.m. and you have to say goodbye to Josh.

You say goodbye to his parents, his sister, and then his brothers. Jake holds you close for a while, and then tells you,

“See you around, Sister. Be strong, yeah?” You smile and kiss his cheek. He climbs into the car, and you’re left with Josh.

Your husband.

You wrap your arms around his neck, and he places his hands on your waist.

“I love you.” You whisper. “Don’t be a stranger...”

“A stranger? How could I ever be a stranger to my wife? I love you. We’re gonna spend the rest of our lives together, doll. I don’t give a fuck about distance. You’re the only thing that’s ever been easy.”

“I’m a real hassle.”

“Oh, don’t be so dramatic.”

“I want a divorce.” You giggle. He laughs and kisses you, pulling you close. He hugs you for a while. Neither of you say anything. You want to cry. But you don’t. You maintain your composure. You begin planning, you’ll drive up to Nashville next weekend, you’ll make it work.

You have no other options.

None.

You have to be with him. It’s like breathing, it’s the most natural thing in the entire world.

“I love you.” He says, pulling away to look at you. “Doll, I love you so fucking much.”

“I love you, honey.” You kiss him one more time, and then he leaves. He climbs into his car, and you start to cry on the walk back to your car. Your family says nothing, and you just cry as you start to drive. Your nephew frowns, and looks down at his dinosaur blanket, that always makes him feel better. He takes your hand in his and doesn’t say anything.

You begin to look for teaching jobs in Nashville, searching for apartments too. As you’re searching for something, you get a text.

“Good morning, by the way, Pumpkin. See you soon?” You smile and wipe your tears, before texting back.

“good morning, sunshine. see you soon.”

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simplyclary · 6 months

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You Never Go Out of Style: Some Personal Favorites from Taylor Zakhar Perez's Fashion Lookbook

The idea for this post stemmed from a couple of lines that Alex said to Henry [via text] in Red, White and Royal Blue that goes "I hate the tie you're wearing in Vogue. It's so boring. What do you have against color anyway?", which I randomly commented something like "Okay, Mr. Fashionista".

This is a list [of sorts] of some of my favorite Taylor Zakhar Perez looks from past events (in no particular order) and a personal commentary.

Taylor surely knows how to rock every style possible, from the casual to the dressy to the preppy to the shirtless summer vibe. You name it, he'll most likely rock the heck out of it. He's the next fashion stunner that the fashion world has to look out for.

His photo above is just a little taste of what's to follow. I have to admit that this is one of the first photos I saw of him. He's wearing a simple ensemble composed of a white Prada tank top plus a cream button-down that is unbuttoned and black pants paired with a simple chain necklace and a couple of bracelets. His charisma was just oozing and therefore, I was immediately attracted to him.

Before I officially get into it, I would like to say that there'll be breakers in between each of the looks that will be mentioned to provide pauses. Some photos on here are also candid shots, but you take what you get, I guess.

I like to start off with a little heat (if you know, you know). Grab some water, get your snacks and enjoy.

Prada (Spring/Summer 2024 Menswear Show)-June 2023

HOLY HOTNESS!! How do I even begin?? Like words are gone from me every single time I see this picture!! I can't even begin to describe what's going on other than the fact that Taylor looks extremely hot and chiseled. Like he's a Greek god come to life.

I would also like to add that he mentioned in the "Get Ready With Me" video for Vogue last September that this Prada show in Milan back in June was his FIRST fashion week. So imagine him stepping out of the car shirtless (even for a minute) during his first fashion week in the first month of summer is just unbelievable. Like jaws dropped and hearts fluttered (peep the audience behind him).

Outfit wise, no comment because what is there to comment other than the fact that he just made summer extra hot. Plus those colored shades and his accessory choices (a watch and a Prada necklace) was just matching the overall summery vibe. It's summer but make it designer.

The black blazer is honestly giving me like rich guy vibes plus the green pants just adds a pop of color to not make the look simply ordinary. The necklace peering out of his collar just adds a little glimmer and the shades to protect his beautiful brown eyes from the summer sun is the little casual add-on that this dressy look needs.

Man, Taylor really managed to pull off three looks this day and still managed to make them similar but different. Like I know nothing really changed because his green pants are still there but with the white tank top screamed fashionable summer. Also the way this photo was taken with the sunset behind him really made him stand out. I really like the contrast of the semi-dark background to his light outfit.

Again, considering that this was his FIRST fashion week, he already SLAYED and that's a sign that he will continue to do so in the events to come after.

Versace (Cruise 2024 Show)-March 2023

Gosh, something about Taylor in an all-black ensemble just does something to me. Like he become 10x more attractive in my eyes (not that he isn't already). This photo simply screams rockstar or something like that.

I never thought a mesh tank top with leather pants is a combo that would work, but on him, it does actually work. Again, the contrast of a dark outfit and a light background works every well. The light green of the background with his dark ensemble just makes him pop out.

I would also like to add that his tousled hair with this outfit is a lovely combo. If his hair were pulled-up and he had no bangs, I think I wouldn't like it as much (or I would, who knows?) as I like his hair tousled. Also the pairing of his necklace with a couple of silver bracelets and a ring on one of his fingers just looks like little stars and comets in his night sky of an outfit.

Vogue World: London- September 2023

Hello my prince!

This look, wow!! It's like he jumped out of the pages of a fairytale book. This look left me completely breathless. The white top (not buttoned all the way through) with the attached waistcoat and the flared trousers gives me the Victorian/Edwardian London era vibes which is fitting considering that this event took place in London.

Taylor looks every bit the royal prince in this ensemble. I am obsessed with his overall look. However, if I were to change something, I would change the color of the attached waistcoat to something darker (navy blue, maybe) so it's not white on white but that's just me.

I also love the fact that he was present in this event because Anna Wintour, the editor-in-chief of Vogue, called him and that invitation alone means something special and bright for his future in the fashion world.

Disney, you better cast him as a prince right now or else....;)

Of course, with Taylor, it's always multiple looks a night so for this silver-gray cropped top look he wore, I couldn't really say anything except that it was such a sparkling number which kind of contrasted the plain white top he wore in the earlier photo.

Add the fact that this top is cropped so a bit of midriff was shown but who am I to complain. Taylor is cut and fit anyway, so I won't say more than that. It was a good outfit choice to end a sparkling and star-studded night in London.

Ferrari (Spring/Summer 2024)-September 2023

When I first saw this look, I screamed. And then I saw a comment on socials that said "Taylor Zakhar Perez in his Stephen Strange era" which made me scream even more because Doctor Strange is one of my most favorite Marvel characters.

To be honest, Taylor kind of pulled the reverse version of Doctor Strange because for those who do not know, Doctor Strange wears an all blue outfit with a red cloak. With Taylor's version, he pulled the reverse by having a dark red inner top with a navy blue [that's almost black] trench coat and pants. He kind of completed his version of Doctor Strange with his tousled dark locks and a bit of stubble.

He also gave me major Sherlock Holmes vibes with the trench coat which I honestly love.

Other than the fact that I completely disassociated, this look is something I can see many people wearing during the colder fall season. Like this look gives immense fall vibes to me, and Taylor flaunts it nicely, as always.

The Clooney Foundation Event-September 2023

Oh my good heavens! This was a look that had me screaming and breathless at the same time. Before continuing, I want to say that I could also see this outfit as something Bruce Wayne would wear, which is funny because George Clooney played Batman.

Again, something about Taylor in an all-black ensemble does something to me. It just leaves me mesmerized. Add that he's sort of clean shaven here with his usual tousled hair. That is a perfect combination of a look for me. He's wearing a black Versace tank top underneath the coat and merely visualizing that gives me butterflies.

In other photos, his coat is unbuttoned and his tank top could be seen and also a little choker necklace around his neck that is so thin you could barely see it but yes, he was wearing like a dash of silver jewelry during this event.

Fun fact, he was supposed to wear like a brooch [that's like $35,000] but he broke it prior to the event. True ACD/TZP fashion, if you ask me.

Also, during this event, he was seated at the same table as Donatella Versace and Anne Hathaway so that speaks volumes.

Burberry (Spring/Summer 2024, London Fashion Week)-September 2023

This look is giving very practical vibes. Like the trench coat that is almost like a raincoat over a plaid long sleeve is very practical especially during the ever changing weather in jolly, old England.

As usual, Taylor manages to pull it off in every way possible. Also, him being in London Fashion Week generated like the highest media value which is something else and I mean, who can blame the people?

This look is pure fashion and function, which I guess, is one way to simply put it.

Bullet Train Premiere-July 2022

Nothing like a blue turtleneck to get me swooning. Taylor wore a light blue long-sleeved turtleneck paired with dark blue pants and a couple of black bracelets on his wrist to the Bullet Train premiere, which was his FIRST premiere night, to support one of his close friends and former co-star Joey King.

This is such a simple yet dashing ensemble, and I definitely swooned hard. Add that his hair was pulled up so he has no bangs in the way of his handsome face was just a good look.

I would like to add that he looks so good in blue. I mean, he looks good in every color in the world, but something about him in blue is just stunning to me.

Green Carpet Fashion Awards-March 2023

Oh my, you have no idea how much I have fan-casted him as Rhysand or Azriel or Xaden Riorson in my mind just because of this photo. (If you have read the ACOTAR series by Sarah J. Maas or Fourth Wing by Rebecca Yarros or at least, you have been seeing book content on socials, you'll know who I'm referring to).

Again with the all-black ensembles. I swear, give me Taylor in an all-black ensemble any day and I would just gush over it. But something that sets this apart from all his other all-black ensembles is the way it fits him.

His shirt and pants with the blazer is just cut close enough to his body that he looks magnificent and as if his clothes was molded from the night itself. Also, the clean shaven face and pulled back hair makes me want to respect him (I mean, I already do) like a High Lord from a fantasy novel or something.

Add the fact that he's seated and posing on a white settee is lovely because he looks like a shadow warrior in a land of snow and the contrast is just amazing to look at. He's like a painting almost so there's that.

International Woolmark Prize (IWP) Event-May 2023

If you know Taylor, you know that he would not pass up on an opportunity to advocate about fashion sustainability. He could talk about that advocacy forever, and for good reason.

Earlier this year, he attended an event with The Woolmark Company and he wore a navy blue ensemble, which is composed of a white tank top and a striped navy blue button-down that is layered by a navy blue coat. He completed his look with black loafers and a pair of necklaces, which add a little shine to his outfit.

No more words to describe him other than charming and handsome.

London and Milan Street Style-September 2023

This photo is just Taylor on a regular day crossing the street in London, but he makes it look like a fashion runway. Like he has a way of walking that could give actual models a run for their money, I'm not kidding.

Anyway, his outfit here is kind of not what I would personally pick but meh, I don't mind how it looks on him. I also just so happen to realize that the colors of his outfit (including his shoes, which are not shown in this photo), compliments each other. The orange details of his beige sheer top compliments the blue of his jacket and his blue pants compliments his orange and brown shoes.

With his shoes, I would have personally gone for sneakers but Taylor wanted to be comfortable, so he picked another pair of shoes instead. I would no longer question his fashion choices at this point. I guess the colors compliment each other so that's a plus. The touch of sparkle with his jewelry (he was wearing a choker necklace, a couple bracelets and a ring on his left index finger) and a touch of darkness with his watch is a bonus point in my book.

This is a fan-taken photo and Taylor just casually posed in front of a leafy background yet it looks like something out of a magazine. I mean, he is photogenic in every possible angle, so yeah.

He was just giving super casual meetup with the fans vibe here. Like a black t-shirt with black joggers is the perfect casual outfit. He also added a pop of color to his dark ensemble by having a blue jacket wrapped around his shoulders, which just adds to the casualness of the overall outfit. Also the fact he was holding a book (it's "All The Light We Cannot See" by Anthony Doerr) just warms my bookish heart.

This is probably one of his most casual outfits, like no designer anything, just plain tees and pants. It's an everyday outfit, I guess so I have nothing more to say about it.

The unbuttoned shirt?? Do not get me started on it, please!

I cannot explain how many butterflies flutter in my chest every time I look at photos of him with his shirts unbuttoned. Like the hotness and charm that exudes from him is on another level.

This is the day after the Ferrari event [I think?] and Taylor went to the same spot where he met with some fans and the atmosphere became like a fan signing event and it was lovely to see.

Style-wise, this is one of my favorite Taylor looks because it's style and comfort, casual and preppy at the same time. The white top with the dark pants is the total opposite of what he wore in the photo before this which was dark on dark. This time, it was light on dark which is always a lovely contrast to see on him. Add the glints of gold and silver from his jewelry and you have a stunner right there.

The TZP Lookbook Ends Here.......Or Does It???

That is quite the plethora of photos to browse and indulge yourselves in. Fashion week is never over for this stylish stunner. Red carpet or not, Taylor Zakhar Perez will always find a way to flaunt his charming and unique sense of style that will always have fans' jaws dropping and hearts fluttering.

He is on the list of stylish people that fashion magazines should look out for, and dang, if his outfits in this year's numerous fashion weeks does not secure him an invite to future fashion weeks or the MET Gala 2024, I don't know what will. Inviting him to events is also a key to generating high media value, considering he kind of has the world in a chokehold recently, so there's that.

If you want more of TZP's fits and style, do not worry, the lookbook does not end here because there's going to be a sequel to this (like I pray that RWRB will have a sequel just so they could have the proper press tour and all that), but I'll leave you with this for now.

To officially end, I'll leave you by telling you to support Taylor's fashion sustainability advocacy and choose your fabric to own your style.

Peace!

#taylor zakhar perez #rwrb #red white and royal blue #fashion #fashion show #style

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writinginthesecrettrees · 11 months

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Things I thought about while getting tattooed today:

On a scale of Mr Rogers to Donald Trump, is Tom Cruise a 6?

It’s incredible that the entire ceiling is white but the play of the light and shadow makes an ever-changing mural of soft golds and pale blues and purples.

Would Bob Ross be at the same level as Mr Rogers or like… .5 down the line?

Why does the sensation change so randomly from mild buzz to stabbing tickle?

Did I put enough time in the parking meter? I didn’t. Should I say something? But what am I gonna do, run down the street with a half-done fresh tattoo?

Whoops, did not mean to twitch just then.

More people should get tattoos in the summer. Loose flowy dress makes calf tattoo a breeze.

As much as I adore Jared Padalecki, I think he’d be like. A 2 or 3. Whatever he is, he’s like half a step further down the scale than Jensen and I feel bad for thinking that.

Ow.

Ok but are serial killers like… even on the scale? Like. Aren’t they just off in their own corner being creepy?

I should listen to less serial killer podcasts. It can’t be healthy.

Ok but Marjorie Taylor Greene is smooshed right up against Trump on the scale. For sure.

Ok yeah imma tap out when the line work is done ow ow OW.

#I got a tattoo #brain went a-wandering #I don’t even know what the scale was #just that it went from Mr Rogers to trump #my thoughts #why not #btw my tattoo is a poppy and a daffodil iykyk

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vino---delectable · 3 months

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Get to Know Me!

This is just a fun little thing I’ve been wanting to do since the dawn of time but could never find a post to reblog that satisfied what I wanted. So I made this, feel free to reblog and use it yourself!

❤️ how tall are you? 5'5?

🧡 what is your sexuality? ------- there's your answer

💛 what is your favorite feature on yourself? Eyes?

💚 where are you from? Earth. Of that I'm certain

🩵 do you have any pets? A dog, and chickens

💙 do you have any siblings? 3 sissies

💜 describe yourself in five words or less! Quiet, loving, energetic, fantasizer, peaceful

🩷 dream job? Writer

🖤 favorite hobbies outside of your blog? Writing, reading, drawing, watching tv, walking

🎂 when is your birthday? Do you want the black market to find me?

🌙 your zodiac (Sun, Moon, Rising) I know it, I just don't want to share (kidnapper thing)

💉do you have tattoos and/or piercings? Ear piercing

🚗 can you drive? A bicycle

✈️ favorite place you’ve traveled. Its a place in Michigan called zender's I think

🎤 have you been to a concert? I want to... But no

🎵 favorite artists. The Beatles, one direction, Queen, Taylor Swift, the killers, bob Dylan, the Monkees, green day, Fleetwood Mac, led zeppelin. Niall horan.

🎧 last song you listened too... In my head by Jason Derulo.

📺 last show you watched.. One called northern exposure

📝 last thing you wrote. A song I started to write

🔐 something no one would guess about you. I secretly have a dirty mind

🧟‍♀️ scariest thing that’s happened to you. I went to get my dog out of a truck in the dark and I seen all these eyes staring at me.

🔥 craziest thing that’s ever happened to you. I've never actually told anyone about this, except my sister... But when the Crosby part of Crosby still and nash, (can't think of his name right now, lol) died, before I found out about his death I had A dream where me and my mom were cruising down the road , across A beautiful field of sunflowers, and the song playing on the radio was Southern cross... And I tell you what, when his death was announced I was like: "hang on a sec"!! biggest coincidence ever..

🍓 favorite food? Chocolate

🍅 least favorite food. Lima beans

🍊 favorite season? Hard to say, but I guess autumn

🍋 favorite genre to read / watch / write. Its a toss between comedy drama, period drama or dystopian

🍐 if you could make one character real, who would it be. Hard question, but probably Vincent Nigel Murray

🫐 some place you’d love to visit? London baby

🍇 a word your friends would use to describe you. Goofy

🍒 what is your earliest memory. Eating my first bologna sandwich

🍌 what is one talent you wish you had. Writing, lol

💌 why did you start this blog? There was great Beatles content

✏️ when did you start writing fanfic. I barely do, but when I was 14

🖇️ what are your favorite asks to answer.. I've never had any of these, not popular enough, lol

📚 how do you come up with the fics you write. Music, darling, music

📌 what is the fic you’re know for... None

🔍 what character do you enjoy writing for the most... Sherlock holmes

🖊️ what character do you not enjoy writing for. And Vincent Nigel Murray

💔 is there a fic you wish you didn’t write.. Yes

❤️‍🔥 what character do you simp for most often.. Again, Vincent Nigel Murray

🧚‍♀️ favorite characters of all time. This will take a minute... Vincent Nigel Murray, Zack Addy, Phantom of the opera, finnick odair, Peeta mellark, temperance Brennan, katniss everdeen, haymitch Abernathy, Johanna mason, lance sweets, Sherlock Holmes, john watson, Louisa Clark, will trainor, Peter Parker, doctor strange, ant man, Mr. Darcy, Elizabeth Bennett, Henry Tilney, Emma Woodhouse, Mr. Knightley, joey tribbiani, Chandler bing, Phoebe buffay.

🪐 favorite shows / series of all time. Bones, monk, psych, Downton Abbey, the mentalist, Sherlock, Sherlock Holmes 1984, f.r.i.e.n.d.s, Golden girls, Emma 2009, north & south, the x files, twin peaks.. Book/movie series: hunger games!

🌝 a show you would recommend to anyone. all of the ones mentioned above

🌚 a show you’d tell people to stay away from. Idk yet

🌹 favorite kinks to write for. Idk

🥀 kinks you would never write for. Idk

🌊 a kink you would like to write but you think you’d be judged. Again, idk

❄️ full fics, imagines or head canons, can't tell you

☂️ your favorite fanfic from another writer, I have one but it's on another website

A couple of in depth questions!

🍄 what is something that’s happened in your life that you wish you could go back and change? My mean grandfather living with me

⭐️ what is one of your biggest accomplishments? Why is it so important to you? Being a nice person, speaks for itself.

🪻what is the toughest thing you had to go through, but can say you’ve successfully overcome? Death of my step grandfather

🌺 what is the best gift someone has ever given you and why is it so important. My mom gave me life?

🍀 what is your comfort show/series and why is it your comfort show? How has it helped you? The Monkees helped when my one grandfather died.

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driftershunt · 9 months

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tagged by @doodledrawreblogs <33 thanks for the tag! tag nine people you'd like to know better: I can't think of nine people LMAO let's see @ilsastrenchcoat @airlocksandaviaries @calkale @andrewknightley @onestormynight @lycaeons

last song: You're Losing Me by Taylor Swift

currently watching: Almost done w/ Tom Cruise's filmography and I'm on the final season of 9-1-1: Lone Star !

currently reading: Currently in the middle of some art/anatomy books, The Godfather and Romancing Mr. Bridgerton !!

current obsession: Several Tom Cruise movies, 9-1-1: Lone Star, Taylor Swift, Barbie !! :-)

#tag games

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jackiequick · 1 year

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ALL RISE FOR THE QUEEN HERSELF MRS TAYLOR CRUISE *the crowd rises clapping, cheering and screaming in joy*

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TAYLOR 🎉🎂🥳 @youlightmeupfinn 🎈🎊🎁😘

#birthday #happy birthday #birthday girl

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mikewheelertmmoved · 1 year

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@willbyerstm rolled the dice ;; 🎁 ›» ( spotify wrapped has arrived. send me a number from 1-100 for a starter based on that song or 🎁 for a shuffled one )

⸻ cornelia street by taylor swift

The city never sleep, and Mike seemed to follow suit on that pattern, not that was such unusual thing for him. Except he found himself dreading his current predicament, as legs aimlessly dragged him around a city that should be unfamiliar to him, after all he had been here for just short of a handful of months ( for the cases, always his excuse ), and yet, he felt like he couldn’t look around without being reminded of him, utterly bewildered by the way his own mind so easily etched the thought of Will in every single part of the town.

Perhaps San Diego was going to be written down in his imaginary list alongside Hawkins of cities he’d rather not step foot in for as long as he could. The packed bags waiting for him on his motel room’s bed were a rather indicator of that being his plan. A reiteration of what he did years and years ago, leaving without saying a word; leaving before he ever knew.

However there was a rather loud part of him that didn’t allow Mike to do such thing, and he knew exactly why. It wasn’t like it used to be, perhaps it never would, but being allowed near Will for such extended period of time ? Had Mike’s resolve cracking; had him wishing for his time here to never end, to not lose the other all over again, despite it all being Mike’s own doing and his stupid cruise to keep the other safe without his knownledge. Perhaps, that was why, as stupid, nonsensical and silly it might have sounded, he had looked for a place, even found one. His own selfishness holding onto the possibility of a new beginning, one that scared him.

Feet stopped, head lifting from the cracked sidewalk, and a snort slipped past cold lips, of course he ended up in front of the same building it all started again. A shake of his head, and mere minutes later he was sitting on the roof of the building. The cheap bottle of wine he got at the bar earlier sitting almost untouched next to him, finger hovering above the SEND button on his phone screen for a second longer, the text already having hung in there for the hours.

‹ want to keep me company on my last day in that shitty motel? i have wine and not that ugly of a view to offer. if you feel like it, i’m where it all began, mr. detective. ›

Even through written words there was the hint of humor, his way of covering up his inner turmoil. He was gambling with fate, with luck, the outcome of his own decision of going or staying, put in the hand of the outcome of that single message. And send, now he only had to wait and perhaps. . . hope.

#willbyerstm #answered ;;#ft. will byers ;;#verse: when the city sleep ;;#this verse has me crying every single time #help #but look !!!!!!!!!!!!#it might be a lot of sads #but.....the little bit of hopefulness is there !!!!#it's what they deserve !!!!!!!!

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bushleaguereviews · 1 year

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Top Movies of 2022

Solid year for movies, particularly with ensemble casts.

10. It’s a three-way tie between three horror films: Smile, Barbarian, (pictured below,) and X.

2022 was a great year for the horror genre fan. Tons of great examples ranging from big budget, to micro budget, from a movie like Smile, which examines the anxieties of day-to-day life, to a classic “Don’t go in there!” movie like Barbarian, which also has a social commentary to make about the state of relationships between members of the opposite sex, or X, which on the surface is a sexy slasher, but in reality has a fair share of commentary as well, talking about society and individualism. All movies are subversive, offering up much more than meets the eye.

9. Ambulance

Never thought I’d see the day where a Michael Bay movie would top my list, but here we are. This is arguably the most understated Michael Bay films of all time, and considering it’s less-than-impressive box office, arguably the most underrated. That said, it has all of the flourishes that make Michael Bay films impressive, with flashy camerawork, and larger-than life explosions, and has a little bit of everything you’d want from a movie like this: it’s a heist film, it’s a car chase film, it’s a shoot out film, it’s a buddy comedy, it’s a drama about two brothers, and has more than the usual amount of emotional depth in a Michael Bay film, showcasing a star performance from Jake Gigglesandall.

8. Confess, Fletch

Jon Hamm, combining his effortless charm with a Chevy Chase sense of sarcasm, starring in a movie from the director of Superbad and Adventureland, that is an old fashioned sort of murder mystery comedy. They don’t make ‘em like this anymore, but I wish they would.

7. Mrs. Harris Goes to Paris

Another old fashioned movie that they really don’t make anymore: a feel good movie. Plain in simple. The movie takes place in the 1950s and feels like a movie from the ‘50s, about a lower class Englishwoman who saves up her money and goes on an adventure to Paris to go a buy a Christian Dior dress. It’s got hints of Cinderella, Sabrina, and a dash of Pretty Woman for good measure. Just delightful.

6. The Fablemans

Steven Spielberg making you feel all the feels. That’s all I feel I need to say about that.

5. The Menu

Rising star Anya Taylor-Joy is an outsider restaurant patron going toe-to-toe against Ralph Fiennes’ obsessed chef, in a social satire thriller taking place over the course of one epic dinner.

4. Glass Onion

Daniel Craig leading another great ensemble cast, (including Kate Hudson, honoring the legacy of all the bubbly characters her mom brought to life through the 70s, 80s, and 90s,) in a sequel whodunit that surpasses the original.

3. Scream

Another classic Scream movie with all the wit, suspenseful set pieces, and intelligence of the original. The O.G. cast is still great, particularly David Arquette, and the new ensemble is great is well. Props to Jenna Ortega who between this, X, and Wednesday, had a great year and became a new scream queen.

2. The Batman

It may not rise to the greatness of the Nolan trilogy and be a half hour too long, but after Zack Snyder’s tenure at the helm of the D.C. universe, this was a welcome addition to the Batman franchise. Battison was great, (though his take as Bruce Wayne is probably my least favorite, as was the rest of the cast, most notably Zoe Kravitz, who easily joins the esteemed company of great Catwomen, Michelle Pfeiffer and Anne Hathaway.

1. Top Gun: Maverick

Yep, I went with the obvious, mainstream answer. Don’t care. This is everything you want from a movie: you’ll laugh, you’ll cry, you’ll be thrilled, Tom Cruise being a movie star, Jennifer Connelly being everything you want in a love interest, the young cast is great, the visuals, sound design, the younger ensemble cast lead by Miles Teller, the older supporting cast lead by Jon Hamm, the soundtrack...a great, mainstream American popcorn movie that was one of the few long-awaited sequels that was well worth the wait.

#TheBatman #TopGun #Scream #TheMenu #JennaOrtega #AnyaTaylorJoy #GlassOnion #TheFablemans #StevenSpielberg #X #Barbarian #Smile #Ambulance #ConfessFletch #MrsHarrisGoestoParis

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lizzygrantarchives · 12 years

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Complex, January 24, 2012

Forget what you've heard and listen to the music. Lana Del Rey is a sweet girl with a radiant voice and maybe a demon or two. Her debut album is called Born to Die, but Lana’s just trying to live. Haters, fall back.

Hers was a dramatic setup.

White balloons flashing corroded cartoon clips and ghostly images of President John F. Kennedy—all set to the creepy strains of Bernard Herrmann’s Psycho theme. The fans kept coming through the door, filling New York’s Bowery Ballroom to capacity. The band stood at attention, poised for action as Lana Del Rey strolled on stage to squeals and whistles. Dressed in a summery white dress, gold belt, and low white Chuck Taylors, the tall red-haired singer looked more like she was ready to grab an ice-cream sandwich from Mr. Softee than perform her first proper concert in NYC.

The microphone worked, but the band’s sound failed. So she stood and waited.

“Where’s the music?” an impatient fan blurted out.

“It’s coming, bitch,” Lana snapped in a playfully bratty way. “Fucking technical difficulties up here.”

Moments later she launched into “Without You,” a wrenching, never-before-heard album cut from Born to Die, her highly anticipated major-label debut, due to be released on Interscope Records January 31. Rising to the occasion, she sounded ever more radiant as she ran through the spellbinding web hits “Video Games” and “Blue Jeans.”

As strong as her videos may be, with Lana it’s mostly the voice. Her haunting tones and evocative lyrics strike some powerful chords, but she doesn’t do much on stage besides sing. “My real fans know I’m not a showstopper on stage,” she’ll explain later. “I don’t have fucking circus lights. I just don’t care. My fans are there because they want to hear the record live. Everyone else is just there to see what happens.”

That “everyone else” would be Lana's infamous Internet audience—the folks who watch her clips over and over and then fill comment sections with snarky remarks about her lips, her hair, and all the personal business she puts into her music.

The press jumped on the bandwagon, dogging Lana even as they rode the wave of her rapid rise to stardom. Most reviews of her Bowery Ballroom show mistook her sarcastic banter for shrill scolding. Between songs Lana seemed emotionally naked, somewhere between self-effacing and insecure. Her nerves never showed during a song, but when the music stopped it was another story. Critics focused on that uneasiness.

“Shut up, shut up,” she said when the crowd’s applause seemed to last too long, as if unwilling to let the cheers wash over her.

“Lana, I love you,” screamed a fan, pronouncing her name wrong. “It’s Lon-ah,” she corrected, sounding like a girl telling a guy to slow down on the first date. “You keep telling me you love me and you don’t even know me.”

After the show, while she was greeting Interscope execs and staff, Lana was asked whether her “Aw shucks” persona was tongue in cheek. Did she really feel like the performance wasn’t worthy of all the love she got? “If I was dope I wouldn’t have said, ‘Shut up,’” she answered flatly. Of all the critics the singer has to please, none is tougher than she is on herself.

Lana’s knockout combination of looks and talent must be a tough pill for haters to swallow. Why else would so many anonymous ’Net gangsters have bashed the 25-year-old singer’s powerful albeit minimal output?

It’s been just six months since Del Rey (née Lizzy Grant) let off the shot heard ’round the World Wide Web. The homemade video for her beautiful if slightly eerie single “Video Games” is a dusty collage of clips that she nabbed from YouTube—washed-out home movies, blooming rosebuds, plus a few woozy glimpses of HBO’s Boardwalk Empire vixen Paz de la Huerta—spliced with footage of Lana crooning in a lonely hallway or cruising on a moped. The whole thing made for a bittersweet mood piece with astonishing emotional impact.

Even more surprising is how quickly it made her a hot commodity. As of press time, “Video Games” had been viewed over 13 million times on YouTube. Its follow-up, “Blue Jeans,” has racked up another 4 million views. Her debut single topped the iTunes chart in 10 different countries. But as with most Internet phenomena, the backlash was swift.

The theory appears to be: Chop down Lana’s glowing amber hair, which streams well past her shoulders. Wipe off her makeup. Oh, and deflate her heavily ogled (and much discussed) lips—pouty even when they’re not puckered. All that remains is an average-looking girl who can’t sing. Right?

Wrong. Dig if you will the picture of Del Rey nestled in producer Emile Haynie’s candlelit Manhattan recording studio on a chilly December evening. She wears a simple tan coat, Velcro-fastened Yankees cap over ponytailed hair, worn pearl flats, and a matching knit sweater. The makeup’s off, too—and she’s still a cutie.

More important is what’s coming from the giant studio monitors as Lana and Haynie—the Kid Cudi collaborator who co-produced the beat for Kanye West’s “Runaway” and is executive producing Born to Die—give an exclusive preview of the new album. Lana belts along with the aching vocals emanating from the speakers, her tone sounding every bit as rich and pure as the record. Homegirl can sing her ass off.

It's not exactly a surprise, though. After she mesmerized that live audience just a week earlier, it was already clear what her voice could do. The show was an unqualified success, save for a few journalists who must have been watching an entirely different performance—not that she read any of their reviews.

“I’m pretty much switched off from it,” Lana says between puffs of a cigarette. “What other people have been saying doesn’t have anything to do with me because I never gave any long interviews to anyone. Ever. Everything is basically fiction.”

An air of mystery has surrounded Del Rey from jump, leaving folks free to fill in the blanks with wild speculation. Tonight is the first time any reporter has gotten a chance to hang with her long enough to cut through the fog and get a decent understanding of who the hell she is. “If you don’t know me,” she adds offhandedly, “you don’t know anything.”

She was born Elizabeth Grant, a small-town girl from Lake Placid, New York. The oldest of three, she sang in church as a child, in the choir during high school, and dropped out of Fordham University as a teen to pursue a career in music. Veteran producer David Kahne (Paul McCartney, The Strokes) was the first industry guy to believe in her. Unfortunately, the independent project they released through iTunes in early 2010 is no longer available for purchase. “I always knew there was something there. It just wasn’t commercial. Regardless, I knew I was going to do my thing.”

The false start wasn’t a crushing blow since music has never been Lana’s reason for living. “It wasn’t sing or die,” she says. “I was also passionate about my community. I felt like I could have gone in several different directions.”

One of those possible directions might have led to a career in social work. While living in NYC, Lana says she worked with people who are “fucked up in the head" helping them get their lives together, get jobs, and "transition into being normal, functional members of society.”

Her interest in people's mental health was no coincidence. “I think it was because the way my head was when I was younger,” she explains. “I was dealing with a lot of emotional turmoil. So I understood what it's like to be at war with yourself.”

Since her 2010 album failure, Lana has switched up her style a bit. The former bleach blonde has gone red. That combined with the name change has led some to question her authenticity. “This whole thing about her name is absolutely insane,” says her manager, Ben Mawson. “David Bowie, Elton John, Bob Dylan, and Lady Gaga are not using their real names. Why is she being picked on? She came up with the name herself. She had three Myspace pages. One was Lizzy Grant, one was Lana Del Ray, another was Lana Del Rey with an ‘E.’ I was like, ‘You can’t have three—decide!’” After three months she settled on Lana Del Rey. “It makes me laugh,” Mawson adds. “I’ve represented 60 to 70 artists and I’ve never gotten more of the real deal than I’ve gotten from her. She’s absolutely a self creation. I guess it’s sort of a weird compliment because she appears to be so perfect. People can’t believe it’s true.”

Lana herself didn’t waste any time refuting the naysayers. She was too busy fielding label bids. Interscope Chairman Jimmy Iovine got her, but Lana is nobody’s prefab pop star. She’s the one driving her career.

“If you consider the definition of authenticity,” Lana says, “it’s saying something and actually doing it. I write my own songs. I made my own videos. I pick my producers. Nothing goes out without my permission. It’s all authentic.” Web-savvy skeptics can check for themselves. Lana’s older songs aren’t too hard to find. And there hasn’t been much of a transformation from her early work to now—just progression toward a more orchestral feel.

“Why would it be a different thing?” she asks, sounding genuinely confused. “I never changed my sound. I never stopped writing about what was actually going on in my life. There’s nothing to hide.”

But she does keep quiet about some portions of her life. All her singles to date revolve around affairs of the heart—specifically, drowning in and even dying for love. Lana’s music would make a perfect soundtrack for the scene where the girl is dumped by her man and, pistol to skull, decides life isn’t worth living anymore.

The video for her latest single, “Born to Die,” was shot in Paris by Yoann “Woodkid” Lemoine, who directed Katy Perry’s “Teenage Dream” and Taylor Swift’s “Back to December.” It starts with castle gates swinging open to reveal Lana seated on a throne—with tigers reclining to her left and right. (Kanye West tweeted the stunning image soon after the video dropped.) Lana’s expression is somewhere between pissed and heartbroken. What follows is a compulsive affair that leads to fiery explosions and, yeah, bloody death.

Lemoine and Lana became friends after he saw the first version of “Video Games” in the spring. “She naturally has a lot of drama coming out of her,” the French-born director says. “When you work with her, you get trapped in a twister of comments and reactions from people who are so intense about her.”

But if you think her fans have an intense relationship with Lana, imagine her old boyfriend. She confirms that the inspiration behind many of her songs comes from a wonderful long-term relationship that turned ugly. “We were both living life on the straight and narrow when we met,” Lana says. “And two years into it, I didn’t know it, but he was off doing other things that he got in trouble for.” Whether those “other things” included infidelity, a Scarface-like drug operation, or some white-collar Madoff stuff, she won’t reveal out of respect for her ex.

Was he perhaps the kind of guy she might have been helping if she became a mental-health social worker? “Exactly,” Lana affirms with a nod. “You get to a point where you run out of everything. You’ve gone through everyone. You have no money, you’ve done everything you could do. The last thing you can do is start over.”

Suddenly Lana apologizes for being a downer. “Sorry, this is really fucking depressing,” she says to Haynie.

“It’s actually interesting,” he replies. “I just heard ‘Blue Jeans’ kind of manifest itself. I never knew that.”

They may still be getting to know each other, but the pair make beautiful music together. As their works-in-progress blare, they frequently lean together to exchange ideas. Haynie says he knew they’d be a good fit when they first met months ago.

“What excited me was playing different ideas and seeing what would make her face light up,” he says. “I thought, ‘She likes the shit I like.’ She likes the hard, yet beautiful stuff. That’s when I thought we could do something special.”

“Emile knew that there was a heavier, more street side that needed to be brought out,” she says. “He knows that I'm interested in the gorgeous side of life, but also familiar with the dark side, too.” Lana also happens to be a big rap fan who’s been in touch with A$AP Rocky about a possible collaboration. But her love of hip-hop reaches back beyond last fall. “Eminem is sick and unbeatable,” Lana says when asked to name her favorite rappers. “50 Cent’s Get Rich or Die Tryin’. Biggie Smalls—the way he talked stuff out was inspiring to me. It made me feel like music could be autobiographical and more of an art form than just rhyming over sugary chords.” There is an unmistakable hip-hop swagger to Born to Die. It knocks like a rap album, and careful listeners will notice that Lana delivers some lines as if she’s spitting rhymes. “You’re so fresh to death,” she sings at one point, “and sick as ca-cancer.”

As the music plays, the lyrics set her mind adrift. “I know what it means to meet someone who's fucking fresh to death,” she says, as if daydreaming about him now. But Born to Die isn’t just a long trip through the swampy parts of the heart. There’s joy in there, too—like on “Off to the Races” when she coos “You are my one true love.” Swathed in strings, her voice runs sweet as wildflower honey.

“When I found somebody who I fell in love with, it made me feel different than I felt the rest of the day,” she reveals. “It was electrifying. That’s what inspired the ‘Off to the Races’ melodies. That’s one of the times when you’re feeling electrified by someone else and they make you happy to be alive.”

“Lolita” is another cut that finds Lana under love’s spell, despite her friends’ worries about the relationship. “I don’t care what they say about me,” she sings defiantly. “You make me happy.” If all goes as planned, a snatch of dialogue from the 1976 film Taxi Driver will start the track off (the Martin Scorsese classic was playing on the studio’s massive flat-screen while they recorded it). Specifically, Lana wants to include the part where Robert De Niro’s Travis Bickle urges Iris, the 12-year-old prostitute played by Jodie Foster, to stop selling herself on the street.

Lana may have pulled from some murky places in her psyche, but she’s not about to let anyone play psychologist. She does, however, suggest that she needed some counseling as a teen.

“I went through different experiences when I was younger,” she says. “I know how to go from being a non-functioning member of society to a functioning one.” These days she seems totally normal, but eight years ago—not so much. “I was crazy,” she says. “I won’t go into it. It’s not helpful to know.” Lana’s laughing now, but they’re nervous chuckles. “I was just reckless,” she adds. “But that was a long time ago. Being human is difficult. Some people make it more difficult than others. I was one of those people.”

Now Lana’s in a better place, one that Ben Mawson helped guide her to. Her English-born lawyer and manager first met Lana two years ago while visiting New York for CMJ week, and watched her perform as a favor to Princess Superstar, another artist he handles. Mawson encouraged Lana to fly to London and helped get her UK record deal with Polydor. He goes hard for Lana because he truly believes in her potential.

“She’s the middle ground between Adele and Lady Gaga,” Mawson proclaims, but both those artists sell loads of records and pack out venues across the globe, which doesn’t exactly fall in line with Lana’s plans. “That’s his ambition,” says Lana, who would be OK with a gold album—but swears she could care less about platinum status. As for extensive touring, don’t count on it.

“My touring agents already know,” she says with a laugh. “I’m tired like that.”

So what does Lana want? Her goal is pretty simple: “I have a personal ambition to live my life honestly and honor the true love that I’ve had and also the people I’ve had around me. I want to stay hopeful, even though I get scared about why we’re even alive at all.”

But she’s got plenty of reasons to stick around. Her music’s taken her from singing in bars in Williamsburg, Brooklyn, to getting love from everybody from Anna Wintour to The Weeknd. And like it or not, her schedule is about to get nutty. In the morning she’s hopping on a flight to China to perform at an event for Christian Dior. She doesn’t plan on packing much. Lana will be dressed by the luxury brand and then turn right around and head back to the States when it’s over.

This is Lana Del Rey’s life right now. The world is at her feet, whether they’re in Chucks or stilettos. She is stunning, may or may not have a few screws loose, loves dropping F-bombs, and, above all, is talented as fuck.

As the evening wraps up and the last tracks are played, it’s tough to tell what note Born to Die will close on. The album is a sexy, bass-thumping ride with glamorous retro nods to curvy, cat-eyed ’60s stars like Nancy Sinatra. Like the artist herself, this record is a trip.

“It’s a happy ending,” Lana assures. “It was a happy ending a long time ago. It was a happy ending when I found peace with myself. This is the good life. What a gift.”

Haters will just have to deal with it.

Originally published on complex.com and in the February/March 2012 issue of Complex with the headline Lana Del Rey: Can She Live?

#2012 #Born to Die #Complex #Brad Wete

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