#Mrs. Teavee (Ethel)

[cipherrepeat]

CATCF FANART RAHH

I went to see Charlie and the chocolate factory at the eastbourne royal hippodrome theatre this weekend and it was acc so fire </3 the flying glass elevator literally took off and flew around in the final song it was so cool RAHHH.

[neonartistycauseidk]

Guys—-Guys—-hear me out for a second…“I’m Breaking Down” from “Falsettos” is such an Ethel Teavee song.

It was made for both Trina——and her.

(I also totally don’t have an entire playlist made for her…nope…nah…just kidding…of course I do…She’s by far my favorite of the golden ticket winner parents)

[nalascat]

meow

[badteavee]

The golden ticket winner chaperones in Black Friday ( Starkid )

( Tw / Cw : death , fighting )

Oleg Salt :

- First person in line

- Actually staked out for like a week and a half and made sure he couldn’t be removed

- Wasn’t even sure if Veruca wanted a Wiggly but better safe than sorry

- Turned down every bribe offered , he had all the money he needed , why take more ?

- Probably ripped up a few checks from Linda Monroe

- Fought as hard as possible when chaos broke out , with plenty of bodyguard help

- Planned on sparing the other chaperones but the moment it became a free for all , everyone was an obstacle

- Actually did make it out with a Wiggly but also had multiple injuries

Ethel Teavee :

- Second person in line , got to the mall two hours after Oleg did

- Left Mike in the care of Lisa

- Originally came to get Mike a new 3rd backup phone but the second she saw the Wiggly posters , she knew she needed to get it

- Has experience with Walmart Black Fridays so she came prepared

- Mace , spiked nunchucks , police grade pepper spray , switchblade etc.

- She came for blood

- Told off anyone who tried to bribe her

- Only planned on sparing Oleg

- Still managed to headbutt and hit him at least five times

- Did kill at least three people

- Died trying to mother Sherman into putting down a doll

Mrs. Gloop :

- Wasn’t used to American Black Fridays and showed up the night before

- Basically at the back of the line

- Also wasn’t originally here for a Wiggly but got caught up in the adrenaline from everyone else

- Wasn’t planning to fight anyone

- Ended up almost chopping someone’s hand off with her meat cleaver

- Died to a blood thirsty Gary Goldstein

Eugene Beauregard :

- Staked out for five days

- Not front front of the line but definitely nowhere near the back

- THE briber

- Tried to bribe absolutely everyone in front of him

- It only got him three people closer to the front

- Got many lectures from Becky Barnes

- Live streamed everything

- Got so many followers and subscribers from this

- Only wanted a Wiggly to boost Violet’s engagement on her socials

- Surprisingly lasted pretty long despite only having one hand to fight with

- Screenshots of the live were made into dumb memes

- Died because he stopped fighting to do an ad read

Grandpa Joe :

- Knew Charlie did not want that thing

- Didn’t even try to go

- Wouldn’t have survived anyway

[speedyboymikey]

Our schedule has no room for intros, languid and rubato...

Accelerate right to the verse and play it molto presto and staccato!

Now let's get the small-talk out of the way

What zigzag roads and fickle fates have led you to my chocolate gates?

I'm sure the stories would enthrall

But time is racing by us all

I'd love to rhyme a riddle or two

But there's so much time

So little to do!

So much time, so little to do?

Please strike that, reverse it!

I meant the other way!

It doesn't take a Sigmund Freud

To see I'm charmed and overjoyed

But pardon if I start to fret

We've not begun our journey yet!

No time to borrow or delay

What's here tomorrow's gone today!

What's here tomorrow's gone today?

Whoops strike that, reverse it!

My tongue has feet of clay!

You've bid the tasteless world adieu

To chew the goo awaiting you

But scurry, for the Wonka clock keeps ticking!

Inside these doors the floors are sweet

There's rugs and carpets you can eat

And best of all, the wallpaper needs licking!

This day of punctuality is scheduled

To the Nth degree,

I wish that there was time to share

My thoughts on makeup, clothes, and hair

Madam!

Yes?

Your hair, your dress, your shoes are great!

You're dressed for 1958

I tried those little short shorts, but they kept riding up.​

No, strike that, reverse it!

Let's get on with our day!

Gloops!

Willkommen, Frau Gloop, delighted to meet you. And this must be little Augustus!

Hallo!

He's my tiny little pickle!

Pleased to meet you, Augustus, but I'm afraid I must confiscate your sausage

Oh, but that's my lunch!

You may go first but lose the wurst!

That's sad because I love 'em

To lead our group, Augustus Gloop, for who could lose sight of him?

Yes who could lose sight of him!

Salts!

Zdravstvujte, Oleg Salt from Novosibirsk. I run Salt Peanuts, Salt Cod, and Salt Mines

That's a lotta salt. You should watch your blood pressure

And this is my wonderful daughter

Dyspepsia...

Veruca.​

Angina...

Veruca

Diarrhea...

Veruca!

Oh, I'm terribly sorry, I was just checking your father's medical records. Oleg, entrenu, you really must take care of yourself

I'll take care of you, Wonka, if you don't focus on me!

It's a pleasure, dear, to have you here

Where did you get that mink?

Are you for real?

It's baby seal that's clubbed then tickled pink

It's clubbed then tickled

Clubbed then tickled

Clubbed then tickled pink!

Beauregardes!

Eugene Beauregarde! Here's my card

I'll cherish it!

Smile!

Instagram it, daddy!

And I guess you already know the Queen of Pop!

Delighted to meet you, your majesty. What is it exactly that you do?

Do? I chew!

Gesundheit

The same piece of gum for the last three years!

It's a jaw-popping world record! Why, she's got over 50, 000 Twitter followers, her own YouTube channel, and one day, we gon' open up a bubble-gum boutique in Beverly Hills!

Well, congratulations. I must drop by. But you can't bring gum in here

Why not?

Because, it's disgusting

Just let me in, I'm here to win!

You like to beat your drum!

Your confidence is quite intense

But just don't jump the gum!

Don't jump

Don't jump

Just don't jump the gum!

Next!

Hey doofus, d'you have WiFi?

I'll take that!

Ethel Teavee, and this is Mike Teavee, we should be on the list

Ah, yes, Mike Teavee. The boy who hacked into my computers

So, Mike the brain, you must explain

Just how you hacked the ticket?

Shut up, old man!

I'm not a fan!

You know where you can stick it!

You can stick it!

And there's no alcohol in my factory, I'm afraid

It's lemonade

Mmhm

WOAH NELLY!

Homemade

You should visit my factory sometime

It seems that I've left someone out

Who else is here, now give a shout!

Uh, Mr. Wonka, I'm the last

Is least the last to join our cast?

Name?

Joe Bucket, at your service!

Delighted!

Actually-

Enraptured

Matter of fact-

Fascinating! And you must be Charlie

Well, well, well. Charlie Bucket. The boy who waited to the very last moment to get his ticket. Don't leave it so late next time!

But, I-

Now, Messieurs Bucket, Salt, and Beauregarde, Madame Teavee and Schatzi Gloop

You're visitors in my backyard while shepherding this tiny troupe

And so I look to you to lead your future generations

I must insist you hear and heed my rules and regulations!

I'd love to lounge and lolly gag

And give each tongue the chance to wag

But I must get you all to sign this contract on the dotted line

There's no reprise, the way time flies to dot the T's and cross the I's!

Damn, strike that, reverse it!

Please ink without delay!

May I see the dossier

And negotiate her pay?

Sir what does this contract say?

Well...

The undersigned herein to forsight for

No frippery or force majeure

No property be touched or chewed or peddled!

What'd he say?

De facto habeas corpus laws

For you a new grandfather's clause

Sign here, and here, and here, thank god that's settled!

I'm confused!

What does he expect?

This tempo is preposterous!

Just sign!

So now the time has come at last

To put the present in the past

It's time to take the golden tour

And taste the tempting treats du jour

The day is young the sun is high and so it's time to say goodbye!

Goodbye!?

No, strike that, reverse it!

And next time I'll rehearse it

Get ready, set, on your marks, let's go!

You're stupid!

You stink!

I'm winning!

You think!

Let's go!

On with the show!

[thevillainsfangirl]

The Teavee family make me sad.

Yes, the Teavee family from the iconic childhood tale, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. It’s their story, the Buckets are just at the forefront of it.

Specifically, those 👆🏽 versions of the Teavees, from the 2005 film and the 2013 musical, though I will also look at the National Tour for the Broadway version because of the song they use in it.

Now, let me start off with this: I firmly believe that Norman and Doris Teavee love their son, and they are doing their best. Their best just isn’t very good. (They literally suck so bad as parents in ‘71, as he has 0 basic manners and they’ll let him get a gun for his 12th birthday! However, I don’t see them in the first movie as Doris & Norman anyway, and I think their names are different.)

...

I first want to cover the musical. Here, Michael is a feral child; he is violent, he is... “high-spirited,” he smokes 2 packs of cigarettes a day (it used to be more)... he has set their cat on fire and chloroformed a nurse (which makes me wonder if they needed a nurse for him?), he somehow stole a German tank, and he is on house-arrest... at only 10-years-old. Because of all this, Doris is a high-strung alcoholic who is deep in denial. Meanwhile, Norman seems... disconnected; he gives off the vibe that he has dissociated in order to cope with his own son. (I know the intention was most likely to paint him as a clueless sitcom dad, but I personally don’t see it that way.)

I don’t care much for the Broadway version of this show, especially because of the song that replaces “It’s Teavee Time!” as it has nothing to do with them as characters, but it’s important to mention here because... Mike’s father (I won’t say Norman) is gone in the Broadway version. (Or is it only the National Tour where this is mentioned?) He’s just gone, he has up and left his wife and son, he has actually checked-out of the family! And I can’t even blame him; with that wife and that child, I’d honestly want to ditch them, too. Another thing worth mentioning is the song used in the National Tour of the Broadway musical, “Little Man Of Mine”, which mentions Mike still being on house-arrest for something that “they never proved”, and his mother (here called Ethel; I consider them a different set of parents, but I digress) doping him up and putting restraints on him, while also drinking and popping pills herself. The saddest part of the song is probably Mike saying that he (or they) try to find his father online every night. 🥺

Also very important to note: In both “It’s Teavee Time!” and “That Little Man Of Mine”, Doris and Ethel mention wishing they’d had a daughter instead of Mike. WHAT. THE. FUCK??? Does Mike ever hear this? I sincerely hope not! (Also, it’s simply illogical because a girl could act the exact same way that Mike does. 🤨)

Unfortunately, there’s no official recording of “Little Man Of Mine” anywhere, but the lyrics to it are here, and I’ve seen one (1) recorded performance of decent film/audio quality.

Now, on to the movie; grab some tissues, because the sads just keep on coming...

In the 2005 film... well, Mrs. Teavee doesn’t speak, and we only see her once, but she feels dead inside. She gives off a vibe that says she regrets having this child, and she and her husband haven’t been in love for years. Norman is a defeated pushover who would probably lay down in a puddle if Mike told him to because he doesn’t want to get his shoes dirty (not that the kid would care, he *was* stomping in candy goo); he tries to tell Mike to stop ragefully stomping on candy pumpkins, he tries to tell Mike to calm down in the TV room, but it of course doesn’t work, and he barely tried at all. He doesn’t understand his son, and he feels he has grown up too fast (which is probably true). And Mike, well... Mike is a lot of things, but I honestly feel like the kid is sad. He is so angry all of the time, that is not a happy child. That is a Depressed & Angry 2000s Emo Child, I can tell because I was one. I don’t know if he can tell how dead inside his parents are, if it’s because they don’t get him, if he gets picked on in school for being a little genius... but the kid is unhappy, that much I know.

But I don’t think it was always this way. I think they were a happy family once, when Mike was little, but then it started going downhill.

This newspaper article from the film (I’ve never seen in the film) paints the picture for me:

(First off: Mike looks too pure here, so can you imagine people picking up that newspaper and then reading the article? “Awww, what an adorable child!” 😊 *reads it* “Jeez, what an obnoxious little shit!” 🤨 And I sincerely can’t help but wonder how they got him to smile for the picture; his parents probably promised to buy him a new video game if he would just smile, please. I can hear the exhaustion in Norman’s voice.)

If you click on this 👆🏽 image (in Dashboard/preview mode), open it in a new tab, click the zoom magnifying glass, and look down to the lower-middle left of the paper, you should be able to read: Young Teavee also no doubt takes after his father, a Certified Public Accountant with nearly 20 years of experience. “I would always bring work home and Mikey would look over my shoulder when he was a baby,” professed Mr. Teavee. “He’s always had a knack for numbers.”

Now, I know that makes no sense because in the actual film, Mr. Teavee said that he is a high school geography teacher, not an accountant, but... let’s just go along with it for now. How precious does that sound? Imagine Mr. Teavee sitting on their couch, looking over his work, and little baby Mike is just standing on the couch and looking over his dad’s shoulder, just really fascinated by it. 🥺

What I’m getting at is: I think they were a happy family once, but then Mike started detaching and growing up, and maybe his parents marriage isn’t doing the best anymore (I get the vibe, I get the vibe), and it just all went downhill. And honestly? I think Norman is afraid of his son. Which is understandable; if I lived with that kid, I’d be scared, too. 😳

(Side-note: That newspaper says that Mike is 13-years-old? 🤨 Yeah, I don’t fucking buy it, that kid looks 10 or 11, which doesn’t sound like much, but kids are growing all the time, so they definitely look different at 13 than they do at 10 or 11. It’s possible he could be 13, but I don’t believe that, and I headcanon him as 10/11.)

I’m sure there’s something I’m forgetting, but I think I’ve said every relevant thing there is to be said so far about this candy-coated Greek tragedy called the Teavee family. My point is...

The Bucket family is sad because of their financial situation, but thankfully for them, that’s fixed by the end of the story. The Teavee family is sad in a way that I don’t think can be fixed, not if they don’t try. The Teavee family is sad because they’re broken.

[verucastutu]

Mr. Teavee: what do we do when get into an argument with someone?

Mrs. Teavee: punch them .

Mike: kill them.

Mr.Teavee:

Mr.Teavee: those are cleary the wrong answers,what the fuck.

[catcf-musical-archive]

Nicola Zelka as Ethel Teavee!

from @/theofficialamandablair on insta

5/20/2022

[ID: A short video of the stage during That Little Man of Mine. It focuses on the Teavees as Ethel sits down and says "Thanks for coming!" As the song ends, there is cheering from the crowd. END ID]

[bpdbanner]

Okay so I'm edging more towards the idea of an RP/Ask blog

So naturally I drew the legend herself, Ethel.

[thejuicyfruits-moved]

off to sing the willy wonka song!

[neonartistycauseidk]

Look who made a WWATCF as vines video———me!

The sheer lack of WWATCF or CATCF as vines videos is criminal…so, I decided to make one of my own!

-

(I also used two of the scrapped characters from the book, Miranda and Marvin, and two of the characters who are only in the Jr., musical version of Willy Wonka, James and Matilda)

[mehrzulieben]

Charlie and the Chocolate Factory Moodboard {Parents} - Ms. Ethel Teavee

“Though he’s quite the malcontent, someday he might be President!”

[new-berlinwall]

Tag Yourself

Doris Teavee -

Lives for that Aesthetic

Vodka ..... lots of vodka

Stares into the camera like she’s on The Office 

@ N O R M A N

Just wanted to have a good time

Still tries too hard 

Still gives a shit

Ethel Teavee -

PINEAPPLES EVERYWHERE

Lottsa snark

Klonopin

 Ativan

 Paxil,

 Valium

Needs a pill to sit down an tally ‘em

Profopol 

Librium 

Beer!!!!!!!!!!!

Thought this was supposed to be an educational tour

Too old for this shit

But tries to be the cool mom?

[livinces2]

This is garbage. I apologize. 😐🤦🏽‍♀️

...

We never see Violet’s father in the 2005 film, and while I think they call her mother “Mrs. Beauregarde”... if you look closely at her baton awards, it says Scarlett Beauregarde; she probably won those in either high school or college, so unless she got married very young and then her husband died... he either left, or she had Violet through a sperm donor. I find the suitor to be more interesting and sad.

Also: Is it mentioned that Mr. Teavee (I won’t Norman, since Doris was changed to Ethel) dipped in the BWay musical, or just in “That Little Man Of Mine” in the National Tour of the musical?

[salts-salty-nuts]

Hey mr. salt! You remember me? I was the Teavee kid. Mike Teavee.

Oh, hi, your Ethels kid aren't you, yes i remember you. STAY OUT MY F***ING HOUSE!!!!!!!!!!!! 😣😣😣

[incorrect-catcf-quotes]

Wonka: Doris... what a beautiful name! Doris Doris Doris Doris Doris Doris Doris Doris Doris Doris Doris Doris Doris Doris Doris Doris Doris Doris Doris Doris Doris Doris Doris Doris Doris... where are you going?

Mrs. Teavee: To change my name to Ethel.