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xxdragonwriterxx · 2 years

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hello, can i please, please, PLEASE ask for a sequel to „stupid prick”?? i’m obsessed with medic!reader and grumpy and vulnerable levi 😭 can they meet in the survey corps headquaters, where he has to be patched up after a dangerios mission and she is the new best medic around? and they recognize each other and hanji sees that and tries to lowkey get them get together and release the pent up sexual frustration from years back? bc wveryone around sees what is happening 🔥🔥and bc they obviously have the hots for each other his recovery process is getting more and more steamy ❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥 i love your writing so much, thank you for all you do 💕💖💕

A/N: Hey guys!!! I’m finally back!! WHOO! 😂😅 It feels so good to be posting a fic again, I just hope tumblr doesn’t eat this one like it usually does 😑 I actually wanted to post this one last night instead, but I ended up extending it and writing like four extra pages in the middle and at the end so I wanted to take today to edit it and make sure it actually sounded okay lol. But I really hope this is what you guys were looking for!! This one has been a popular demand so I really hope I did it justice! I don’t feel like it is my best piece, but it was really fun to write anyway! Also, since you didn’t necessarily specify in the ask, I just went ahead and made this a full NSFW, so warnings for that will apply, but it’s not til the very end. Okay, now enough bullshit from me, here is the sequel to “Stupid Prick”! Thank you so so much for your sweet compliments, they seriously make my day 🥺❤️ I hope you guys enjoy!!

(Warning: NSFW!! Minors DNI plz! It’s not super nuts but I would like to point out that this fic features unprofessional conduct and misuse of a hospital room and certain medical supplies. Plz never try this at home, it is fiction and even though I tried to make it as realistically applicable as possible, it’s still not something you should try lol)

🐉 Song Recommendation: “Lost With You” By: Patrick Watson 🐉

Word Count: ~10.8k

Part 1 is here!

~~~

🔥 Damn Idiot 🔥

What time is it?

The sky was dark, swallowing the moon whole and leaving nothing but the weak, distant light of the stars to combat the shadows of the night. A soft breeze was rustling the leaves outside, flowing in through the cracked open window of the lead medical office, filling the space with a gentle coolness, one that sent pleasant tingles down the spine but failed to coax goosebumps to the surface of skin. The flame of the lone candle sitting on the largest desk in the room fluttered in that breeze but did not die out, casting dancing shadows along the walls as its warm, golden hue was toyed with.

It must be late, I should go to sleep soon.

As if the room itself could hear her thoughts, a tall grandfather clock in the corner of her office, a gift from her old master, started to chime. (Y/N) groaned as the somewhat dull sound, one she was usually fond of, clanged through her head. It sounded louder all of a sudden, making her skull pound with even sharper pulses than it had before. She laid her head down, resting her throbbing forehead on her crossed arms, silently counting the number of chimes.

1… 2… 3…

She counted until the clock slowed to a stop, the final clang ringing in her ears long after the pendulum had ceased moving.

Damn it.

It was four in the morning. (Y/N) knew she needed to sleep, needed to be sharp so she could do her best to heal the soldiers of the Survey Corps when they came back from their week long expedition, but she felt too restless. She had tried everything from teas to calming creams to soaking in a bath. Nothing had worked to settle her frazzled nerves, to quiet her overactive brain.

The worst part was, she didn’t even know why she was feeling so bothered. It had been years since she’d escaped from the Underground and made it back to her healing center with her old master. She had long since completed her training and had been with the Survey Corps ever since. She was used to seeing the worst injuries imaginable. At least, as used to it as one could be when faced with tragedy and misery. She had seen everything from bodies ripped in half to faces that were no longer recognizable. On several occasions, she had beared witness to the death of a comrade shortly after their arrival to the infirmary, their wounds too severe for even her to fix, despite her reputation.

But something was bothering her. She couldn’t pinpoint it exactly, but something felt different about this expedition, and it was making her nervous. She had thought that maybe catching up on some of the paperwork waiting for her on her desk would help distract her, but all it had ended up doing was give her a headache and a sour attitude.

Get a grip, (Y/N), you’re a medic for the Survey Corps for fuck sake. You can do this. Just go the fuck to sleep.

Forcing her head up from her desk, (Y/N) stood and blew out the candle beside her before turning on her heel to head to her bedroom. It was attached to her office, a door connected just to her left, but the walk felt as if it were miles long, her feet dragging across the wooden floor with every step. By the time she collapsed face first into her bed, her very bones were aching with exhaustion but her mind still refused to settle, making her feel jittery despite herself. She gritted her teeth, clenching the sheets in her fists as she tossed and turned, trying to beat her bed into submission, as if that would somehow cure this never-ending insomnia.

“God damn it!” (Y/N) growled when sleep still refused to come, pushing herself up onto her elbows so she could hang her head over the pillow, trying her hardest not to scream out in frustration.

“Calm down, brat. You’re already an annoying pain in my ass, no need to make it worse.”

(Y/N)’s head jolted up in surprise, the voice so clear, so close in her ear that she could’ve sworn he was right next to her.

Levi.

It had been years since she had last seen him. Since she had escaped from the human trafficking operation with him and brought him back from the edge of death. It had been years since she had made the promise to see him again.

The thought made a pang of guilt rip through her chest. She had never forgotten him, not even for a second, but that didn’t mean she didn’t still feel as if she had betrayed him. She had tried her best to make it back down to the Underground, against her better judgment, but by the time she had finally made it back to that filthy, dilapidated house on the corner, they were already gone. She had searched for any sign of them, of the grumpy raven, the bright redhead, and the charming blonde, but it was almost as if they had never existed. She had left the Underground that day distraught and wondering if it all really had been just a dream, something her brain had conjured up as a way to cope with the trauma of the human trafficking ring.

But then why did his voice sound so real? So familiar? She could picture all of them so clearly, and a part of her could almost still smell the fresh linen scent that always radiated from Levi, even when he was laying in a pool of his own blood in the dingy basement of a madman. They were real, she knew that. They were also most likely dead. She knew that too.

Rolling onto her back, (Y/N) rested her laced hands on her stomach and stared at the ceiling, considering what she would say back if he were sitting beside her in that moment. A tiny quirk to her lips appeared as she remembered the way she used banter with the three of them, but what really made her smile was when she imagined Levi’s annoyed scowl, aimed right at her whenever she sassed back at him. She would’ve never told him to his face but she had loved riling him up with snarky comments and teasing remarks. His scowl was just so adorable sometimes, especially when he was wrapped in bandages and lying helplessly in his bed. It made him look like a pouting child who didn’t get his way, rather than the dangerous criminal she knew he was.

But that was what made it all the more thrilling, all the more enjoyable when standing by his side. He was the most feared thug in the Underground and yet he lowered his walls for her. It made her giddy, remembering the way he had briefly embraced her before she left, giving her a light squeeze, as if afraid to let her walk out the door.

Until the thoughts of their empty, abandoned house flashed back into her mind, reminding her that maybe he had been right to be afraid. It was almost as if he had known he was never going to see her again, but had let her walk out the door anyway, not wanting to drag her down with him.

Gods, she missed them. She thought it was pretty ridiculous to miss them as much as she did when she was only with them for a couple of weeks, most of which was spent in silence and dark tension as Levi’s life hung in a delicate balance, but she couldn’t help it. She just wanted to know that they were okay, and maybe, selfishly, get to see them one last time.

Closing her eyes, (Y/N) let the wave of grief wash over her before rolling onto her side and pulling the blankets up to her chin, burying her face in the warm sheets in a desperate attempt to seek comfort.

“Goodnight Levi, goodnight Farlan, goodnight Isabel,” (Y/N) whispered into the empty room. “Wish me luck tomorrow.”

“Doctor!”

(Y/N) was already standing and in the process of slinging her medical bag over her shoulder by the time Squad Leader Hanji kicked open her door to slam against the back wall. Hanji had always been known for their hyper, messy qualities, their energy always giving them an air of optimistic insanity, but one look at the scientist made adrenaline pump through (Y/N)’s veins, her heart pounding against her chest.

Hanji was breathing so hard their voice came out brittle, their eyes wide and their hair yanked messily from their bun, the blood and dirt caked strands falling to leave dark streaks on their cheeks. They were leaning heavily against the door frame, their knuckles bleached white from the force with which they grasped the wood, forcing themself to stay standing despite their obvious pain and exhaustion.

“I’m here, where am I needed?” (Y/N) asked, whisking past Hanji only to pause and offer the squad leader a shoulder to lean on. They tried to wave (Y/N) off but the medic refused, allowing her comrade to lean heavily against her as they made their way to the infirmary.

“Emergency ward,” Hanji coughed. “Humanity’s Strongest is down; needs immediate care.”

Alarm flashed through (Y/N)’s system followed by a wave of dread. Humanity’s Strongest Soldier? She had never met the man, never even seen him in action or otherwise. All she had ever known of him were the rumors that had made their way to the infirmary or her office from her fellow medical staff and the patients who stayed for longer than a day in the infirmary wing. And now she was expected to heal him, the most powerful soldier in the Corps, the one man who holds the hope of all of humanity in his palms. If she were to fail in any way…

(Y/N) shook her head, forcing the negative thoughts from her mind. She had to focus, if she went into this unsure of herself, she’d never be able to succeed. “Thank you Hanji, don’t worry, I’ll take it from here. All I need you to do is get some rest and focus on healing, okay?”

Finally reaching the emergency wing, (Y/N) settled Hanji into the first empty bed she found, making sure the Squad Leader was properly tucked in with their leg supported and elevated before reluctantly leaving the rest to another doctor so she could find the one who needed her help the most. Turning around, (Y/N) spotted the bed in the next cubicle over, the white curtains drawn in front to cover the patient lying inside. She didn’t need another doctor to tell her who was behind those curtains.

Taking a deep breath, (Y/N) made her way over to the bed, shoving her nerves to the bottom of her stomach so she could focus solely on healing her newest patient. No matter his status, his role in the war, his importance, he was still a human like any other, a human who needed her help.

I can do this.

Giving herself one last moment to feel grounded, (Y/N) finally pulled the curtains aside, allowing her eyes to scan over her newest patient to assess the extent of the damage done to his body. Only, she didn’t get very far in her analysis before her jaw dropped, her eyes widening in shock.

It was Levi, her Levi, right in front of her.

After so many years apart, she couldn’t believe he was sitting right here, in the flesh. It was almost as if history was repeating itself. The sight of him laying in a bed, unconscious, already wrapped in bandages, made her think back to when they were in the Underground again, bundled into his old bedroom as she fought to keep him breathing.

It sparked her to jump back into action, fear flooding her system as she realized the extent of his injuries. He looked so battered, his face bruised and bloodied. Pulling back the sheets revealed a hastily bandaged torso, blood already soaking through the creamy white fabric in several places. The skin of his legs was less damaged than the rest of him, but she could tell his femur in his left leg was fractured, several violent purple bruises blooming on the surface of his otherwise clear skin.

Swallowing thickly, (Y/N) forced her concern down as far she could to rest with her nervousness and snapped into clinical mode, her shaky breathing the only indication of her stressed state.

“Hang in there, Levi, I’m here. I’m gonna make you feel all better, just like I did last time, I promise.”

Nobody bothered her as she got to work, only interfering to hand her the tools she needed as she requested them. She didn’t speak unless she had to, focusing on carefully removing his bandages so she could get to work on stitching him back up. She paused for a second once the cloth had been stripped away, her fingers drifting softly over the puckered skin of the scars from the wounds she had healed in the past, before quickly shifting her attention back to the problem at hand.

She worked meticulously for hours, reminding herself to remain calm as she slowly threaded the stitches through his skin, taking special care to do it just as well, if not better than the first time she had ever stitched him up. She was grateful for her access to proper medical supplies, a tiny smile teasing at the corners of her lips as she thought about when she’d had to use ripped up old sheets for bandages that she’d then had to wash in a well several streets over.

Her back started to throb, sweat beading on her forehead as she finished closing the last of his open wounds and moved to work on setting his broken leg properly, but she barely even noticed the pain and exhaustion, her focus lasered on the man laying in the bed in front of her. A few doctors even tried to take over once his condition was no longer in the critical range, but (Y/N) refused without a second thought, unwilling to be moved from the person she had ached to see for so long, the person she thought might’ve been nothing more than a ghost.

Finally, as the sun was starting to sink behind the walls, casting the room in vibrant splashes of pink and gold, (Y/N) finished with the last bandage, gently placing the cloth underneath the silver bar of Levi’s new leg brace, tugging it gently to make sure it was securely fastened. Once she was sure nothing would come loose in his sleep, she leaned away, her hands on her hips as she arched her back in a stretch. Her eyes never left him. They constantly roamed over him, as if still disbelieving that he was here and alive and healing.

“Hey Doctor (L/N)!”

(Y/N) jumped out of her skin at the loud voice sounding behind her, whirling on the spot with wide eyes, as if she had been caught doing something she shouldn’t have.

“God, Micah, you can’t fucking scare me like that! What if I had still been working on the Captain?”

Micah, a spritely young nurse-in-training assigned under (Y/N)’s command, smiled widely at her in response, his arms coming up to fold in front of his chest. “Oh don’t worry, Teach, I knew you were done with him already. If I had thought you were still working, I never would’ve considered sneaking up on you, but since you were just staring at him, I figured you might need someone to snap you out of it.”

(Y/N) blushed, both embarrassed and slightly annoyed. She loved Micah, she really did, he had always made sure to keep things interesting in the clinic. He never let things get too dull despite their already hectic careers, but sometimes he could be a little too perceptive. He was a smart kid, in spite of what his chaotic energy seemed to suggest, and he knew how to use it when least expected.

“I wasn’t staring at him, I was just making sure I did all of the stitching and bandaging right. You know how high profile he is, what if I messed something up just because I was being careless right at the end?” (Y/N) said, busying herself with cleaning the leftover supplies to avoid having to meet her pupil’s gaze.

His cheeky grin suggested she didn’t need to make eye contact for him to see right through her lie. “Sure you were. I bet you were also making sure none of his abs were damaged on the mission, right?”

(Y/N) sent a dark glare his way but couldn’t stop the slight twitch of her lips. She couldn’t help it when she was around the kid. He could definitely be annoying at times when he wouldn’t mind his own business, but he always knew how to make her laugh.

“Ah hah! I knew I was right!”

“Shut up, you don’t know what you’re talking about,” (Y/N) snapped, her blush now extending to the tips of her ears.

“Hey, I think it’s cute that you have the hots for the Captain!” Micah said with his hands held up in defense. “I don’t know how you plan on getting his attention though, he’s never been one for relationships as far as I’ve heard. But no matter what, I’m here to support you every step of the way, Teach!”

(Y/N) bent over Levi to tuck the covers underneath him and hide the genuine smile that graced her lips at Micah’s comment, making sure to wipe most of it from her features before turning to face him. His eyes were still glittering warmly when she walked by him, so she made sure to give him an affectionate slap on the arm as she passed, smiling wider at the snicker he let loose in response. They were just about to leave for dinner, to take a break before getting in the shower and heading to bed when (Y/N) paused, casting one last glance over her shoulder at the comatose Captain still sleeping soundly.

“You know, I think I might have a few ideas for this one.”

“Four Eyes, get out of my way, I’m fine.”

Hanji scoffed, placing their hands on their hips as they met Levi’s glare with a menacing look of their own, refusing to back down from their spot in front of the emergency ward door.

“Absolutely not, Levi. You have to stay in bed and rest, doctor’s orders.”

“You’re not in bed resting,” Levi bit back in annoyance, his brows furrowed.

“That’s because I had a badly sprained ankle and was suffering through a burnout from the lack of food and hydration. I was released after a couple days of rest and nutrients. You, on the other hand, have a broken leg, several sizable gashes, and a concussion, there’s a difference.”

“I said I feel fine.”

“I don’t care how you feel, the doctor said you have to stay in bed so you are going to stay right here until they deem it appropriate for you to leave. Until then, if I have to tie you down to the headboard, I will.”

Levi raised a brow, “Sorry, Shitty Glasses, I’m not into that kinky shit.”

Hanji snorted, “Since when?”

Levi sent a dark scowl her way and once again attempted to stand up, only to get forcefully shoved back onto the mattress by a gleeful Hanji.

“It won’t matter if I get hurt walking around if all you’re going to do is break more of my bones shoving me back into bed,” Levi grumped when the impact of his short fall made him wince with the jolt of pain to his leg.

“If that’s what I have to do to get you to stay put, then I will.”

Levi gave Hanji a choice hand gesture in response to that one, only to have them stick their tongue out in return, making his nose wrinkle at their childish antics.

“Who the fuck confined me to this bed anyway but isn’t brave enough to tell it to my face? Which doctor is supposed to be assigned to me?”

Hanji opened their mouth to answer but was promptly interrupted by the sound of someone clearing their throat behind them, prompting the scientist to move aside. Levi’s frown suddenly relaxed, his expression giving way to one of pure astonishment as he took in the sight of his doctor leaning against the door frame, her arms crossed over her chest and her eyes sparkling with unfiltered joy.

She looked good, he realized, healthy, so different from how she had looked after spending so much time in that filthy house the human trafficking ring was held in. Her hair was full of volume and color, and looked so silky his fingers were tempted to run themselves through it. Her skin appeared soft and damn near glowing, completely devoid of the dirt and blood that had covered it for days in the Underground. The only thing that hadn’t changed was her eyes. They were still so full of hope and a brightness that not even the darkest corners of the Underground were able to smother. The same brightness she had turned to him with whenever he grew too pessimistic, eager to show him the glass half full. It was never a naive hope, she was never clueless to the dire nature of their situation, but she had always had that spark in her gaze, the one that still haunted Levi’s dreams to this day.

He realized after a moment that he was staring and quickly averted his eyes, trying to hide the fact that he had not heard a single thing that was spoken since she had entered the room. Her smile only got wider at his bashful expression, her arms unfolding as she pushed away from the doorframe to shuffle further into the room.

“I don’t think you heard me, I said that I am the doctor who confined you to this bed and will be looking after you for the next few weeks of your recovery.”

Levi nodded slowly, his words lodged in his throat, feeling as if his mouth was stuffed with cotton. He knew Hanji was staring at him, confused at his strange behavior, but he couldn’t find it in himself to slip his mask back into place, even to hide from the infinite teasing he was sure would come later from the titan freak.

He couldn’t help it, the woman he had been dreaming about since the day she had walked out of his house was right in front of him, in the flesh, alive and healthy. He didn’t think he would ever see her again, despite his promise to Farlan. He felt as if he were looking at a ghost. A very physical, happy, living ghost.

(Y/N)’s smile turned softer, almost a little melancholy, as if she could also see the memories that were flashing across his mind rapid fire, rendering him speechless. “Hello, Levi.”

Swallowing thickly, Levi raised his head and met her gaze, his hair raising uncomfortably at the way she made his heart pound against his ribcage.

“Hey, (Y/N).”

Hanji’s loud squawk of surprise and indignation broke the spell in the room, making Levi’s scowl return full force.

“Wait a fucking second, you know each other!? And you didn’t tell me?”

“It wasn’t as if we had the chance, Four Eyes, stop shouting.”

“B-But you guys know each other!”

“Yeah, and?” Levi grumbled, crossing his arms stubbornly over his chest.

(Y/N) chuckled at the raven’s pouty expression, the bright, lovely sound he hadn’t heard in so long making his frown relax slightly.

“Well, how did you two meet? How long have you known each other? What drove you two apart? How do you feel now that you two are back together again? Holy shit, were you two lovers!? Does that mean you-”

“Shut. Up. Hanji!” Levi snapped, a foreign panic rising in his chest as the scientist continued to ask him questions rapidfire.

Thankfully, (Y/N) merely laughed again at Hanji’s overexcitement and intervened before Levi could blow a gasket. Sending a reassuring glance his way, she moved from behind the scientist to stand by Levi’s bedside, fiddling with the supplies on a nearby tray table to make sure they were all organized for when she would need to use them next.

“No, no, Hanji, it was nothing like that. I met Levi when I was brought Underground by my master to learn how to treat leg injuries. He was there for me when a group of thugs thought it would be a fun idea to jump me when my master and I got separated. Ever since then, we’ve interacted a few more times, but my training as a medic and Levi’s new ranking as Captain kept us from seeing each other too often.”

Levi frowned as Hanji tittered happily at the story, a beaming smile on their face as they stopped teasing him and left with a departing wave, finally giving the pair some privacy.

When the door to the private room was closed, (Y/N) turned back to Levi, finally allowing the tears she had been holding back to flow down her cheeks.

Before he could react, she threw herself at him, wrapping her arms around him as gently as possible despite her obvious excitement to stay mindful of his healing injuries. His eyes widened, his hands hovering in the air over her waist, twitching nervously as his brain short-circuited and he fought to regain control of himself. He was still trying to process the fact that he was being hugged for the first time since his friends had died when (Y/N) pulled away, not minding his frozen state of shock. Wiping away her tears, she sent him a sympathetic smile.

“Sorry,” she mumbled, now concerned she had overstepped some boundaries, “I’m just… really glad you’re alive.”

Levi finally managed to reboot his brain and shook himself out of his stupor, mentally slapping himself for letting himself be so affected by this woman. “Why did you lie?”

“Huh?” (Y/N) asked, confused by the sudden change in topic.

“To Four Eyes just a minute ago. Why did you lie to them about how we met?”

“Oh, that.” (Y/N) said, turning away from him to check his chart, “I knew if I told them the truth that not only would they tease both of us, mainly you, but that it would also spread like wildfire. I enjoy Hanji’s company and I think they are a very sweet person but they aren't the best at keeping secrets. I figured getting credit for something I was happy to do anyway wasn’t worth possibly tarnishing your reputation.”

Levi shook his head, “But you saved me, not the other way around.”

“You saved me more than you think, Levi,” (Y/N) mumbled quietly as she faced him again, reaching out to gently rotate his non-broken leg to check on a gash he had sliced along his calf.

“What?”

“I said that maybe I’ll tell her the truth someday, when you’re all healed and have a chance to escape from her jokes and teasing remarks,” (Y/N) said in a louder voice for him to hear.

He still looked skeptical but dropped the subject, grateful for her consideration of his feelings even if they didn’t sit right with him. Leaning back on his palms, Levi reclined against the feeling of her soft hands on him and sighed. Gods, he had missed the way she touched him.

That sudden thought made him jolt slightly. What the fuck?

“Oh, did that hurt?” (Y/N) asked, pulling her hands back in alarm, afraid she had pressed too hard on one of his wounds.

Levi quickly waved her off and forced himself to relax again, trying his best to ignore how good it felt to have her touching him. It was quiet for a long moment, the air thick with unresolved tension as (Y/N) worked on cleaning his injuries and replacing his old bandages with fresh ones. He felt as if he had so much to say to her and yet had no way of forcing them off the edge of his tongue. A muscle twitched in his jaw as he ground his teeth together, trying to pin at least one thought down, something, anything he could use to fill the tense atmosphere.

“I’m glad too,” Levi eventually said, “that you’re alive.”

He immediately wanted the ground to open up and swallow him whole the minute the words left his mouth, his breath catching in his throat when (Y/N) paused in her efforts to patch him up.

When she finally looked back up at him, she had more tears in her eyes, but a large, watery smile tugged at her lips.

“Thank you, Levi.”

After that first day, (Y/N) spent every moment she could with Levi. While part of that was due to the injuries he sustained and her duty to heal him to the best of her ability, it was clear that wasn’t all there was to their time spent together to anyone who was paying attention. Especially when she spent even her free moments and breaks by his side. He had tried to convince her that she didn’t need to spend every waking moment with him, afraid she was wasting time she could be spending doing something relaxing or productive, but (Y/N) held firm, refusing to leave him unless she really had to. Thankfully, due to Levi’s importance, her duties were almost completely relegated to his care for the time being, so she didn’t have to worry too much about the other patients in the infirmary, trusting her fellow colleagues to take care of them for her while she worked on Humanity’s Strongest.

She felt especially compelled to stay by his side when she learned of the deaths of Isabel and Farlan, the pair dying to an abnormal titan during a severe thunderstorm just three months prior. It killed her to learn that the sweet redhead and charming blonde were gone, but she couldn’t even begin to imagine the kind of pain Levi was in. He had tried to put on a brave face, a mask to hide his pain, but (Y/N) saw through it as if she were looking through glass, possibly the only person who really could.

Grieving together had been a testament to the strength of their friendship, the pair only growing closer as the days passed and they learned to cope through each other and the time they spent together.

The thought brought a smile to (Y/N)’s face as she made her way through the near empty halls, her arms full with the tray of food she was on her way to bring to Levi from the dining hall. She normally would’ve asked someone else to do this for her so she could continue to stay by Levi’s side, but she needed to stretch her legs a little and she trusted Levi enough at this point to stay put when she asked him to.

He had fought her on that the first few days of his healing process, just as he had in the Underground when she was healing him so many years ago, but she found he couldn’t really say no to her when she asked him nicely. She knew he was getting restless, eager to rejoin the ranks and start up on his training routine again, but she also knew he would only injure himself further if he rushed into things. Shaking her head at the thought of the grumpy, energetic man, she shifted the tray to one hand so she could use the other to dig through her pockets for her keys.

Levi had been moved to her room just the other day. It had been Hanji’s idea, the brunette suggesting the arrangement with unbridled glee, much to Levi’s chagrin. It was a sound idea and made sense given the situation, but (Y/N) couldn’t help but wonder if the scientist had an ulterior motive based on the near feral smile they had flashed at Levi when (Y/N) had agreed. In the end, the arrangement had worked out. Having him in her room proved to be better functionally, giving her plenty of time and room to focus on nothing but his improving health.

Fitting the keys into the lock, (Y/N) pushed the door open with her hip and fought to keep a disappointed expression when she found Levi standing in front of her bookshelf, his piercing eyes flitting over the many various titles. It was endearing, almost a little charming to see the fierce captain of the Survey Corps idly standing in her office, waiting for her to return. It was almost as if he was supposed to be there, as if he belonged there. It was oddly domestic.

Shoving that thought to the side, (Y/N) placed her tray of food on her desk and made her way to his side, placing her hands on her hips in as stern of a manner as she could. “You sir, are supposed to be in bed resting. What are you doing up?”

Levi at least had the decency to look a little cowed despite the scowl he threw in her direction. “I just wanted something to read. I’ve got to have something to do when your annoying voice isn’t here to keep me constantly distracted.”

“First of all, my voice is not annoying,” (Y/N) said with a huff, ignoring the way he playfully scoffed in mock disbelief. “Secondly, if you really wanted something to read, you know you could’ve asked me. You just wanted an excuse to ignore my orders.”

He shrugged but didn’t deny it. For a fraction of a second, (Y/N) almost thought she saw the corner of his mouth twitch up into a smile, but it was gone just as quickly as it had come. Maybe it had just been a trick of the light.

“Either way, you still need to get back to bed. Your body won’t heal any faster if you spend all your time undoing my hard work with your incessant need to be entertained.”

Levi’s nose wrinkled as he finally turned to face her, begrudgingly following her back to her bedroom. “I don’t need to be coddled.”

“Hm, are you sure about that?” (Y/N) asked with a soft cackle when she glanced back to see the aghast look on his face. “Come on, doctor’s orders, which means you have no choice but to listen to me if you wanna get back out in the field.”

Levi didn’t respond but eventually crawled back under the sheets of her bed, batting her hands away when she tried to help him. She giggled at his reluctance to accept her help, even after all this time, and busied herself instead with grabbing the tray of food from her office. Once he had settled himself back against the pillows, (Y/N) placed the tray on his lap and perched on the edge of the bed so she could ensure that he ate properly. He rolled his eyes at her mother henning tendencies but didn’t push her away as he dug into the vegetable stew and bread she had brought for him.

“Just out of curiosity,” (Y/N) asked after a few moments of silence, “what book were you interested in reading when you were looking at my shelf?”

Levi glanced at her over his bowl of soup, taking his time to swallow the bite in his mouth before responding. “There’s the sequel to a horror novel I was reading before the mission. I was thinking of maybe finishing the series now that I’m being forced to relax against my will.”

(Y/N) beamed at him with the most smug expression she could manage, her smile only widening when he gave her an unimpressed look. “Well, you said earlier that my annoying voice is a good distraction. Would you let me read to you? It’ll help pass the time.”

She could tell he was thinking about it, debating on whether or not it was safe to admit that he liked when she read to him. She could almost see the gears turning in his head as he considered her proposition, before he eventually nodded. She was out of her seat before he had even finished giving her an answer, rushing back into her office to grab the novel of his choice.

(Y/N) knew she was probably being a little unprofessional, she hardly ever read to her patients unless she knew they weren’t going to make it. But she found she didn’t care as she plopped herself down beside Levi once more and peeled the book open to flip to the first page. She knew she was probably being a bit selfish as she scooted closer to him after the first few chapters, leaning into him just the slightest amount to absorb the heat that seemed to radiate from his body. But she found she didn’t care about that either as Levi leaned back into her touch just an inch, almost to the point where she couldn’t feel it. But she knew, she knew in the way the blush rose back into his cheeks, in the way his muscles relaxed just a tad, in the way his heart sped up against her shoulder.

Levi didn’t talk to her much, but (Y/N) felt closer to him than she ever had before. Although the pair slept in different rooms, him on her bed in her bedroom and her on the couch in her office, there was something inexplicably intimate about sharing living quarters. She was constantly around him, slowly but surely getting to know Levi all over again. His recovery time seemed to rapidly decrease with every passing day, the strong young man healing way faster than anybody other than (Y/N) was prepared for. She knew any day now he would be cleared for duty once more, and the two of them would go right back to their own lives, their separate daily routines.

The thought sent a spear of something sour to (Y/N)’s stomach but she refused to acknowledge it. She was unwilling to let her own feelings for him get in the way of his recovery. She was happy for him, he would finally be free from her constant nagging and be able to live his own life for the first time in weeks. Swallowing the bitter taste in her mouth and pushing away all selfish thoughts of wanting to keep him by her side, (Y/N) prepared to enter the infirmary where she would be getting the results for Levi’s final physical examination, proof that he was finally fully healed of all injuries.

“Doctor (L/N)!”

(Y/N) turned at the sound of Micah calling her name, surprised to see the young nurse standing beside Squad Leader Hanji, both of whom were wearing what looked to be shit-eating grins, even from their current distance. (Y/N)’s eyes narrowed but she made her way over to the pair.

“Micah! What can I do for you?”

“I was just coming by to give you the good news! There was a slight mix-up in the scheduling, so now you will be conducting Captain Levi’s final examination!”

(Y/N)’s brow raised as she turned to Hanji, looking for further explanation. The scientist’s expression was immediately sheepish, a hand coming up to rub at the back of their neck. “Heh, sorry, (Y/N). It was my fault, I didn’t realize I had a meeting scheduled for this time today, I thought it was going to be tomorrow. Would you mind performing the exam? Shorty will probably prefer to have you touching him anyway.”

“What?” (Y/N) balked.

“Nothing, nothing,” Hanji said with a dismissive wave of their hand, “I just mean he doesn’t like people getting close to him, especially me. He’ll prefer it if it's someone he trusts.”

“Oh,” (Y/N) said, beratting herself for thinking Hanji’s words could mean anything other than something innocent. “Of course I’ll perform the exam, thank you for the heads up!”

“Sure thing, boss!” Micah said, clapping a hand on her shoulder before striding away with Hanji, the two darting around the corner as if they had stolen something. (Y/N) watched after them for a moment but figured their odd behavior could be addressed later. For now, she had a very important patient to take care of.

Levi was sitting at the edge of the infirmary bed in nothing but his boxers when the door clicked open. It made sense, he was supposed to be having a full body physical examination to make sure he was properly healed for duty, he just wasn’t expecting to come face to face with the very woman he was in love with. He fought the urge to blush as (Y/N) stopped short in her tracks for a fraction of a second, her eyes giving his exposed form a quick once over before she seemed to remember herself and averted her gaze with an embarrassed cough.

“I-I’m sorry, I thought… Shitty Glasses said they’d be back in a moment and to get undressed for the exam,” Levi mumbled, cursing himself when he stumbled over his words.

(Y/N) waved her hands in front of her face, “Not a problem at all, Levi! You’ve done everything right, there was just a change of plan, that’s all! Squad Leader Hanji had an impromptu meeting to go to so I’m going to be giving your exam instead.”

“Of course they did,” Levi muttered. “Figures.”

“What was that?”

“I said let’s just get this over with.”

(Y/N) nodded once, dragging over a tray of tools to get started. His eyes never left her, watching her every move. Even so, the first touch of her hands against his cheeks made him flinch in his seat. Thankfully, she ignored the impulsive movement and instead focused on checking his eyes, a small flashlight held up to examine them.

“Your pupils are quite dilated, are you feeling okay?”

Levi hummed an affirmative and even though she didn’t look entirely convinced, it wasn’t long before she moved on, running her fingers as gently as possible down his jaw and throat, massaging along his collarbone to test for soreness or unaccounted for aching. He grunted at the feeling of her magical fingers ghosting over his skin, but was otherwise unreactive, sitting as still as possible to avoid getting in the way of her work. No matter his feelings for her, this was her area of expertise, her passion, the last thing he wanted to do was inhibit that with his stupid emotions.

A light pinch to his nipple snapped him back to reality, a choked noise wrestling from his throat without his permission at the unexpected touch. “Sorry! Sorry! I thought I saw a scratch and I wanted to make sure it wasn’t bleeding. It’s just an old blood blister scar.”

Levi nodded woodenly, suddenly a lot more aware of her touch as she continued to descend down his chest. Her fingers brushed over his pecs and down his abs like water, making his whole body shiver. But it wasn’t until she kneeled to the ground, her hands gripping his thighs and massaging along his calves that he felt himself start to lose control, his pants tightening under her delicious attention. His eyes widened in horror, but he had no way of fixing the situation without drawing attention to himself.

“Levi? Are you alright? Your face is a little flushed, I’m not hurting you, am I?”

Levi shook his head fervently, not trusting himself to speak. (Y/N) scrutinized him, once again not sure if she should believe him or not. He looked unnecessarily flustered, and she couldn’t figure out why. Was she making him uncomfortable? She was trying to be as professional with her touches as possible but maybe that didn’t matter. Hanji had said he hated when other people touched him.

“Okay then, I’m sorry if I’m making you uncomfortable, we’re almost done.”

Levi nodded stiffly again, too focused on how to get out of this situation with his dignity still intact to correct her. His legs shook, his breathing labored as she finished off with his feet and moved back up his legs, since they had received more damage than some of the other parts of him in the fight. She was reaching his inner thighs again, opening her mouth to ask him to turn around, hoping to finish up as quickly as possible for his sake when she saw it. She couldn’t help the squeak that fled from her mouth when she finally realized what was bothering him so much.

What had once been a tense but calm atmosphere suddenly turned to chaos as Levi reacted instinctively, pushing (Y/N) away from him with one hand while his other flew in front of his crotch, his face flushed such a deep red, (Y/N) would’ve been worried about him having a fever had they not been in their current situation. She fell back against the floor, her palms flying out behind her to catch herself as she stared with wide eyes at the normally stoic man and the way he refused to meet her gaze, his free hand moving up to cover his mouth in pure mortification. It took her a moment for her brain to work properly, but once it did, she reverted once more back into a more professional mode, knowing that if she didn’t do something to comfort him, the situation could end in disaster.

“Hey, Levi, i-it’s okay! It’s not your fault!”

“What do you mean it’s not my fault!?” Levi spat. “You didn’t ask for this, I just couldn’t- it happened but-”

Levi cut himself off, moving the hand that had been in front of his mouth to cover his eyes instead, unable to even think of facing the woman in front of him. He had never felt so embarrassed in his life. Not only did he manage to ruin the one special connection he had in his life with the single person he always wanted to be around, but he reacted by shoving her to the floor the minute he fucked up. He felt like bolting, his legs tensing and ready to spring. Or throwing up, his stomach squeezing painfully tight as the thought of what just happened replayed in his head over and over.

The feeling of a light touch on his knee made him shudder, but he refused to knock her hand away, not after his earlier reaction had sent her sprawling to the ground.

“It was my fault, Levi, I shouldn’t have been touching you so lightly or so much. I was just trying to give you this physical exam but obviously I wasn’t being careful or aware enough. I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to embarrass you.”

Levi shook his head but didn’t respond, keeping his eyes hidden behind the comfort of his palm. He knew it was childish, hiding from her, he was going to have to look at her at some point, but he couldn’t bring himself to do it. He had never been in a situation like this before and he was scrambling. He was tempted to search for the nearest knife and slit his throat, hoping that in doing so, he’d finally be able to escape the horror of the situation.

But he couldn’t move, frozen by the hand burning his skin where (Y/N) touched him. She wasn’t letting him go and he was too mortified to speak and ask her to move. He didn’t want her to anyway, a small, selfish part of him chided, making him press his face even further into the comfort of his own hand.

“If it’s any consolation, Levi, I didn’t exactly hate it. I find it flattering, even, that you enjoy my touch.”

“It’s only yours,” Levi mumbled, still unable to look at her. “You’re the only one who makes me feel this way.”

(Y/N)’s smile could’ve rivaled the sun even though he couldn’t see it. Her heart was pounding, both from the nature of their situation and the weight of his confession. His words filled her chest with so much warmth, she felt as if she had already melted into liquid gold. “You’re the only one who makes me feel that way too, Levi.”

That got his attention, his hands dropping from his face so fast, it was clear he even forgot about his embarrassment. It made (Y/N) giggle at him, her hand reaching up to cup his cheek. He hesitated a moment before leaning into the touch, his eyes glittering with something akin to hope.

“Really? Are you sure?”

(Y/N) leaned forward, making sure to look him in the eye and give him time to pull away before gently connecting their lips. He shivered under her touch, just as he had always done, and only took a moment to swallow the shock in his system before meeting the coupling of their mouths with more enthusiasm. She nearly purred in response, tilting her head to slot them closer together.

Levi figured he must be dreaming, there was absolutely no way that the woman he had been pining for ever since she had left the Underground loved him as much as he loved her. It just wasn’t possible for someone so amazing, so compassionate and beautiful to love him like that. But here she was, kissing him senseless, and dream or not, he was going to take full advantage. Pressing closer, Levi snaked his tongue out to lap at her bottom lip, his body damn near vibrating at the lustful groan she let out in response, not hesitating to let him into her mouth. Her tongue tangled with his, fighting him for dominance as she pushed herself up onto his lap while he scooted back on the bed to give them more room. The hand that wasn’t cupping her jaw rested against her waist, pulling her into him as they continued their lip lock until he was lightheaded from the lack of oxygen.

They were both panting for air, but they refused to move too far from each other, resting their heads against one another as they soaked in the intimacy of the moment. Forgotten was the physical exam, the infirmary they were in, the people probably waiting for them outside, the world had narrowed into nothing but the two of them, basking in their feelings for one another.

“Do you really mean it?” Levi whispered, unable to hold himself back from expressing his biggest concern.

(Y/N) scoffed good-naturedly and leaned back to look him in the eye. “What about that kiss told you I wasn’t serious?”

As if to solidify her statement, she leaned in for another quick kiss, swiping her tongue across his lips but pulling back before he could pull it into his mouth to suck. He pouted at her but was quickly satiated when he felt an unbearably warm palm cradle his clothed cock, giving a gentle squeeze for good measure. (Y/N)’s smile only widened at the groan of pleasure he let out in response, his hips canting once into her palm before he could stop himself.

“You know, I still technically have to finish giving you a physical exam. Just to make sure you aren’t still injured. I think it would be best to thoroughly check as many places as I possibly can.”

His blood heated at her words, and although he longed to lunge forward and capture her lips in another intoxicating kiss, he decided to indulge in her charade instead. “I agree, in fact, there is one particular area I’m especially worried about.”

Rocking his hips up, Levi rubbed himself against the hand still resting over his length, turning his voice whiny with a desperation that was only half exaggerated for her benefit. “Please, it hurts…”

(Y/N) felt as if she could fry eggs on her cheeks, but refused to let her embarrassment get the better of her, focusing more on the immense excitement flowing through her veins at the whimper in Levi’s usually stoic tone of voice. “Well, what kind of doctor would I be if I just let my favorite patient suffer? I think I know just the thing to cure this ailment of yours.”

Levi couldn’t hold back the wave of pure electricity he felt spider down his spine as (Y/N) slithered off his lap to kneel on the floor, her hands moving from the tent in his boxers to his thighs. She ghosted her fingers over his skin, reveling in the gooseflesh that littered the trail of her hands, and moved to pull the fabric from his hips. She kept her movements slow to give him time to change his mind, but Levi eagerly lifted his hips to assist her. She looked up at him, only to bite her lip at the hungry desire in his gaze, his bangs falling over his eyes to give him an even more dangerous look. She pulled his boxers all the way down his legs before tossing them somewhere uncaringly behind her, drawing her attention instead to the scarlet, leaking cock right in front of her.

“My, my,” (Y/N) hummed, “This is worse than I thought.”

Levi flushed darker but didn’t comment, merely reaching down to stroke himself twice in front of her, impatiently waiting for her to do something, anything. He choked back a growl of impatience when she just continued to watch him, her hands tickling his inner thighs as she considered something to herself. He wished he had a bit more self control, the last thing he wanted to do was come off as pushy, but he was quickly losing the ability to keep himself in check, not with her looking at him like that.

Just as he was about to say something, (Y/N) raised her hand and motioned for him to turn around, a sly look of something positively mischievous in her eyes. Holding back the whine that threatened to pry from his lips, Levi did as he was told, turning around so that he was facing away from her with his legs tucked beneath him.

(Y/N) was quick to bring her hands up to his back, raking her fingers down his muscles as she pretended to look for more injuries on him. He had to bite his tongue as her fingers gently skittered over his shoulder blades and down his spine, her nails coming to curl against his lower back, just above his hips. By the time she had made her way back up to the nape of his neck, he was squirming in his seat, his skin tingling with sensitivity despite his every effort to come off as unaffected.

He’d had no idea he was even sensitive on his back, but every light scrape of her nails, every ghost of her fingertips along his ribs or down his spine made whimpers squeak out of his throat. His dick weeped at the attention, throbbing with every light scratch she inflicted on him until her hands suddenly wrapped themselves around his waist to rest on his stomach. She was teasing him, testing the limits of his barely-held-together patience, and he didn’t know whether he loved her or hated her for it. She pressed her chest to his back, resting her chin on his shoulder so she could bite and lick at his throat while her hands creeped their way down to his groin.

“You’re all clear on your back, baby,” (Y/N) purred in his ear, stopping just shy of his weeping sex. “You can turn around whenever you’re ready.”

Levi snapped, all of his usually impenetrable patience lost as he whirled around and latched onto her hips with a bruising grip, yanking her back onto his lap before she could get a word in edgewise. She squealed in delight, her hands reaching out to smooth over his chest and shoulders affectionately. He paused only for a moment to grab the lotion originally meant for soothing his muscles off the tray table, pouring a healthy amount into his hand to stuff into her needy cunt with two long fingers. She responded with a fiery kiss to his lips, using her free hand to drag her skirt and panties down her legs until they were far enough down for her to kick them away. The sloppy sounds of her pussy were audible as he pumped his fingers in and out, but she still appreciated his thought to use lube considering how little time they had for actual foreplay.

He was a little clumsy, his fingers exploring a bit aimlessly to find the spot he knew would make her taste the stars, but she found that he was a quick learner, immediately responding to any sign of pleasure from her until he was curling his fingertips perfectly against her spongy g-spot.

“Fuck! Levi… Levi, I’m ready. I need you inside me, now.”

His cock twitched at her breathy command but he didn’t let up for a few strokes yet, making sure she was soaked to his liking before sliding his fingers from her. She watched in lustful disbelief as he brought his hand to his lips, licking her slick clean from his skin. He held her gaze with a look full of dark promises, refusing to break it until he had sucked the last of her from his fingers, closing his eyes as he slurped with a final satisfied flourish.

“Delicious,” his voice was the crunch of gravel in the middle of the night. Rich lust gulped down his irises until there was nothing but a slim ring of silver left, completely enraptured by the stunning woman on his lap. (Y/N) was speechless, her mind a soupy mess of desire, but she wasn’t helpless. Levi let out a hiss when her supple palm wrapped once more around his length, angling him toward her entrance as she rose to her knees, straddling him more suitably now. He brushed his hand against her hip, stopping her just long enough to bore his final ask of consent into her. When he found nothing but a mirror to his own eagerness, he replaced her hand with his own and guided himself up, slipping easily into her velvety heat.

The two moaned out in unison as they were joined for the first time, attacking each other’s lips and devouring each other’s sounds until they were drowning in their need for air. Levi couldn’t wait, but it seemed as if (Y/N) was a bit more impatient than she was letting on, because she provided no resistance when he started to move inside her, swirling his hips up into her so that his cock nudged against that pleasure spot deep inside her. (Y/N) gasped and trembled, leaning her head back to give him room to explore. While he licked up the side of her neck, sucking dark bruises into her otherwise unblemished skin, (Y/N) dragged more trails of fire up his back, clawing him up like a cat as each thrust into her pliant body picked up in speed and intensity.

“God fuck, you’re so tight,” Levi murmured into her skin, nipping at her earlobe before soothing the sting with his tongue.

(Y/N) keened and removed her hands from his back, instead scrambling to rip at the buttons on the front of her shirt. Levi leaned back when the sound of tearing fabric sounded throughout the room, his eyes widening at the sight of her bare breasts teasing him through the ruins of her uniform.

“Damn, no bra? You were just waiting for this to happen, weren’t you, kitten? So eager for my cock, and I’ve barely even started.”

(Y/N) moaned, her jaw dropping as each thrust forced the air from her lungs until she was gasping. “B-Been waiting for this for a long time, Levi. Ever since t-the Underg-ground. Besides, don’t act like y-you’re above this, you love b-being inside me too, don’t you?”

Levi’s breath hitched, his eyes widening at her confession before he began to ravage the woman on top of him. He couldn’t believe it, hadn’t even dared to fathom that she could’ve had any feelings for him when she left. She was a goddess who had healed him out of the goodness of her heart, that was all. There was no way such a fantastic person could’ve ever loved the criminal rat from the filthy Underground sticks. But here she was, confessing to the very thing he had always hoped for but never allowed himself to entertain.

“Oh fuck, is that even a question? I love your pussy, my new f-favorite place to be.”

Thrusting somehow faster, his nails digging into her ass and the bottoms of her thighs hard enough to make crescent shapes dot her skin, Levi breathed back his own secret. “I’ve been waiting for this too, made a promise to Farlan that I would be with you one day.”

(Y/N) immediately latched onto Levi’s skin, kissing and biting sloppy marks up and down his neck to smother the sound of her obscene moans as she came all over him. Her body shook on top of him, her pussy clenching him hard enough to have colors exploding behind his eyelids. He busied himself with ducking down to roll his tongue across her pert nipples, sucking and nipping at the soft mounds as he rode her through her climax and started to chase his own.

“~Hah, hah, hah…” Levi panted as he broke away from her skin, a string of saliva connecting him to her now mottled flesh as he pistoned harder, flesh slapping loudly with every scoop of his hips. He was so fucking close, he could almost taste it. (Y/N) was still shaking in his hold, her fingers refusing to loosen from the muscles in his back as his continued motions started to bleed into overstimulation. Tears were streaming down her cheeks, landing like raindrops on Levi's neck as he was thrown over the edge, his back arching as a wet gasping noise tore itself from his throat. His hips jerked as he spilled inside of her, painting her already dripping walls white with his release.

It was only after he had spurted the last few ropes of cum into her pussy that Levi finally stopped, collapsing against her with his arms lazily looped around her waist. (Y/N) grunted at the sudden weight pressing against her but didn’t push him away, merely scratching the coarse hair of his undercut before moving up into his silkier raven strands. They fought to catch their breath, ghosting their lips over one another every once in a while as they allowed the silence to permeate the space.

“Did we just-?”

“Yeah,” Levi grunted.

(Y/N) chuckled, warming his heart and chasing away any possible doubts that could’ve surfaced in his mind. “Looks like you’re all better now, no notable injuries. At least, none that will hinder your physical activity.”

Levi snorted, giving her waist a spiteful squeeze, “Yeah, except for the new ones you left on my back and neck, brat.”

(Y/N) swooped in to press her lips to his kiss-swollen ones. “Well, I happen to know a pretty good doctor who might be willing to help you with those.”

Levi grinned at her, “Send her to my office later tonight, I might have a few ideas on how she can make it up to me.”

“I will, but only if you promise to take her out to dinner sometime afterwards.”

Levi nodded and held her close. Who was he to deny such a request? Afterall, he had a promise from Farlan to keep, and he’d be a damn idiot to let the chance pass him by.

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tirsynni · 1 year

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General life Updates. Ooof.

Visited my dad this past weekend for his birthday! It was a success! I got off to a horrifically late start because I had to board my diabetic cat at the vet and there was an issue with her insulin needles. ;_; There was also an issue with my rental, as I can’t drive my car that distance and needed to rent a car, which, of course, was not ready when I arrived to pick it up. It was a mess! STILL! I drove up, arrived very late at my sister’s, then we drove to my dad’s the next morning. Thanks to the diabetic cat, he had absolutely no idea I was coming. Surprise birthday visit was a success!

Diabetic cat still diabetic. Next glucose curve will be in about two to three months. After that, if her numbers aren’t better, we might move to the regular insulin instead of the expensive Lantus. She’s overall doing okay, though. That’s the important thing, and she takes her twice daily shots like a champ.

I had my interview for my hopeful job this week. Current job remains insanely stressful and frustrating, but if I don’t get this new job, I have strong plans to act on my frustration through writing fic on company time in the current job. I’m fully aware that if someone has a background which matches the position better, they’ll probably get the job, so I’m trying not to get too excited about it. ...it would be very nice, though. I’m about to cry or break something at work today.

The trip to visit my dad crushed my finances far more than I expected, which made my hopes for buying myself an early birthday present -- Switch/Tears of the Kingdom Combo -- highly questionable. HOWEVER! A lovely, lovely, amazingly awesome person who wishes to remain anon graciously donated a Switch, which is on its way to my home now. I’m ridiculously excited about it. True, this means I finally need to acknowledge the Champions’ deaths and beat BotW, BUT this is an amazing birthday present for a really crappy year. lol SOON I’ll be able to play it! Whoo!

#personal #very pooped #and frustrated #but there are happy things!#yay!#very much yay! <3

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schfiftytwo · 27 days

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On Spring Vibes

Whoo, so much for trying to be consistent. In my defense (to the void) there is a significant amount of stuff going on at work, and with some of our senior folks leaving for the green pastures of multimillion (tbh at this point its multibillion, damn capitalism working as god intended) dollar firms, the reshuffling, big ticket things, and random fires have a fervor unlike anything I've seen before. Super interesting stuff, thankful that I'm helping out on meaningful things, happy that it's fulfilling, good that some of it is public, all of that blah blah blah, it's busy folks.

But. Let's take back a bit of time and see what's cooking. Today, I want to write about something that I've gabbed with friends and close colleagues about for what has to be years now - my reflections on springtime. Now, this could go any number of ways. I could talk about the weather, I could talk about the new flowers and leaves (and weeds, fuck the weeds man) sprouting up around the neighborhood, people getting more uppity to be outside, etc etc, and yeah I guess that's all relevant for springtime, but not what's on my mind.

The thing that I'm getting at is a bit less concrete - springtime as a vibe. And the vibe I've been most interested in is springtime as a set of realizations, reminders, and feelings unique to this time of year. Why these specific musings?

It's because it's commencement season. For the uninitiated (and really it shouldn't come as a surprise), I have always loved school and the idea of schooling. The pure pursuit of learning, being surrounded by a properly insane mix of brilliance and stupidity, finding your niche, and at base finding what it is that makes you tick inside and outside the classroom stands as one of the great memories and milestones of my life. Indeed, if I wasn't so pressed to, you know, pay bills, I would have dove headfirst into being a professor (shouts to my incredibly lucky classmates who actually did that - god damn you guys, what a life).

Anyway - the consumation of all that effort, all that discovery, the season of commencement, has always been a very special time of year for me (sue me), and usually results in me thinking a bit more wistfully than I usually do. In some ways a lot of the vibe I'm trying to put into words is pure sentiment, excess romanticism. The faces of elation of closing one chapter and opening another, the burst of the pinnacle of youth before the stupendous fall of adulthood, the photographs, the regalia, the pomp and circumstance, the pantomime and pageantry - I simply cannot get enough, and I am lucky that I've been able to enmesh myself in many commencements - both my own, and those of my friends and family.

In another way, and perhaps what is more to the point, the vibe also represents a view toward the unknown - what I mean by realizations, reminders, and feelings. The example that comes to mind is perhaps unique to my line of work, and how it stacks up with that of my colleagues with a different kind of "D" after their name. For us lawyers, commencement (and really the years of law school as a singular experience) is a representation of the next chapter, a start toward the bar, that first job, that first time you get a chance to prove you're a grown up. For me and many of my peers, that all centered around biglaw - becoming corporate sharks, prowling the mean streets of DC, NYC, Chicago, LA, Miami, Austin, Toronto, etc, closing deals, popping off demand letters, standing up in federal court and playing our best unflappable selves (god how insufferable we must have been - but has anything really changed lol). For others, it was about doing justice - defending the little guy, or more often than not going after the bad guy (who also happened to usually be the little guy). Perhaps more noble pursuits, but tinged with that cloying badge of authority, the aura of importance.

The comparison (and I promise I'll get to the point here, dear void), and what more often than not brought me to a point of poignancy, was what I saw both with my peers who decided to do the real doctor thing and devote their lives to saving lives. The MDs in my life are suspiciously plentiful - my very first love from those days when I didn't even know what kind of person I wanted to be is now a prominent attending physician in a hospital that is affiliated with that one famous school in Boston (yeah, that one), and even my peers in my current circles who went the MD route have done exceptionally well for themselves - wait, am I the odd one out? They're helping people and I...well I guess made the rich guys and gals of the world just a bit richer. Fuck.

Anyway. The thrust of their lives is what I'm focused on. Take for instance match day for MDs - the day where medical school kids, after decades of hard work, sweat, tears, boundless insecurity, and constant ironborn perseverance, find out where they will spend the next four years post grad as resident physicians (yes, just like Scrubs or House, but also 1000% not like that). Every school memorializes that day - livestreams of the reveal, interviews with students, countless photos of students, their families, their loved ones, their children (!) in still moments of pure, often tearful joy at this next chapter. I matched in orthopedic surgery at UChicago. I matched in internal medicine at Baylor. I matched in cardiology at Columbia (wink wink to the A+E readers, can't stop won't stop). Even my mother, a physician in her own right, recalls the day she matched - an event she described to me as one of the happiest and scariest days of her life, one that established the start of a long and fulfilling career in the service of others.

Now. Why bring this up? I'm not a doctor (or at least not that kind of doctor), why would I care about what my well-heeled peers get to do? Don't I have better things to do?

Well, that's exactly it, no? Better things to do. I share this because for years, my predictably slime person attitude was all about the flair and spectacle - god damn, I love the forest green of your Harvard divinity loops signifying you're now a hot shit MD. Fuck me, your Stanford overcoat gown with the green inlay makes you look like a fearsome yet benevolent medical wizard, a young Yen Sid with a penchant for healing. That hospital you're going to is legendary, isn't that one super famous doctor there who did this and that. Never did I give a real substantive thought to what that all really meant, once the spectacle wrapped, the gowns and trappings packed away, the photos developed and framed, the memories faded into those clouds in the deep crevasses of our brain.

Why is that? Simple - for me and my closest cadre, none of us had any inkling about the pursuit of helping people. We were excited about being unreasonably compensated in all the right ways, wining and dining, getting suited up to fuck shit up, being young and reckless and meme-worthy but still rocking it. Respectable drive for a young lawyer maybe, but...just tinged with something that I can only describe as a sad shallowness. Not even the promise of pro bono work (which none of us did btw - we were too busy helping rich folks get richer) was enticing enough to convince us otherwise, or even pretend we could enlighten ourselves in a meaningful way.

Tying it up, what is the point here? Did I get lost again?

No, not really. The point is that during this time of emergence, of new beginnings, I am always reminded of what my beginning was, and how...truly fruitless it was in practice. How excited I was to be important, and how quickly I realized how unimportant I was, even amid the trappings and corridors where I knew important things (including important things I did!) were happening. Meanwhile, my peers who went another route, one more noble, whether it was to do justice, or to really help people - to hone their craft, ease suffering, be meaningful, had begun in earnest. Maybe I had a lovely office, incredibly quippy coworkers who I trusted and swore by as a result of deep trauma bonding during shit work weeks (of which there were so, so many lol), maybe I was objectively wealthy, but...

I just...didn't think I'd realize so quickly how little that all meant. How much it affected me, changed me, made me into someone I didn't like, someone my now-wife resented?

What could have been if I had been smarter, more willing to let my talent be in the service of actually deserving people. If I had been brave enough to do something that wasn't solely focused on the flair of it all.

That, dear void, is the point. Why I do what I do now, why I have committed myself to helping others (because yes, I do work for you after all), not only to better myself, but perhaps to convince myself that I can remedy what time I wasted trying to be a shill. Every year, I remind myself that this is why it (work?) matters, why I matter, why this pursuit of mine, my love of what I do day in and day out is and always will be worth it. It has to, after all.

Why would anyone in their right mind be a lawyer if it wasn't truly meaningful?

Springtime vibes indeed. Cheers, folks.

#new post #blog #writing #free write #once a day #introspection #inspiration #meaning #drivel #work life #not quite this american life #springtime #vibe check #doctor but not a doctor

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bustyasianbeautiespod · 2 months

Text

S4 Wrapped! Transcript

[intro guitar music]

G: Hello, it's Grey.

C: Hello, it's Crystal.

G: And this is Busty Asian Beauties, a Supernatural commentary podcast where I, someone who has seen the show several times...

C: And I, someone who only knows the show through social media, discuss every single episode of Supernatural from start to finish. Also, we are both Asian.

G: Both Asian. So for today's episode, we will be discussing Season 4 in general. This is gonna be our Season 4 ender, and some Season 5 expectations as well. So for today's episode, we actually have our very first guest in the podcast. [C: Whoo! [claps]] This is Manika from I've Been Meaning to Watch That. Manika, would you like to introduce yourself to everyone?

M: Yes, I would. Hi, everybody. My name is Manika. Like Grey said, I am from the I've Been Meaning to Watch That podcast. It's a podcast that I created and I host every other week. Well, every single week I have a new guest, new topic, and we talk about, you know, all things under the sun. My newest episode is gonna be about Mean Girls, where we talk about the 2004 film, the 2015 musical, and then the newest musical, and we do like, a breakdown of it.

C: Yeah. Aren't there actually lesbians in the new one? I've heard that are actual lesbians in it. [G: Hell yeah.]

M: Yes. Yes. Janice is confirmed queer. We love to see it. And Renee Rapp loves to talk about how Regina George, to her, is gay, and I support it, so, you know, there's that. And I think the week before that, we did an episode about Yellowjackets and The Wilds. So there's a lot for you guys to listen to. Feel free to check us out wherever you get your podcasts

C: I've watched Yellowjackets. I haven't watched The Wilds. But anyway, yeah.

M: It's a good show. It's interesting.

G: Okay. So before we actually start our usual Season 4- season ender format, I want to ask you first, like, what is your background as a Supernatural watcher?

M: So I started watching Supernatural when I was fairly young. To be perfectly honest, I used to catch episodes of Supernatural just randomly on the WB back when it was the WB. And then I started watching like, reruns on TNT. And I didn't really know that much about the show, and it wasn't until my family got Internet, when I was 13 years old, like, Internet and cable, that I was able to like, fully start watching the show. Like, I started watching from beginning to, you know, the current season that was running, and I think it was Season 8. So from there, I would watch every single- I watched the seasons live as they happened on the CW, or I'd watch on cw.com, [C laughs] and suffer through their three-minute commercials, which I feel like are longer than the commercials on TV. But I would, you know, watch the current season, then it ends, I go back to the beginning on Netflix and watch all the way through. And, you know, Netflix only puts a new season of Supernatural, like, a month before the new season airs on the CW. Yeah. And that's- I mean, that's really my experience with Supernatural. And also, I was a Tumblr girl, so I was already deep in it. And then, when a certain somebody, you know, was fridged in Season 10 of Supernatural, that's when I stopped watching it, and then they brought the nephilim in Season 13, and then I was like, "You know what? Let me give it a chance again." And they announced it was ending Season 15, so it's like, "It's time for a rewatch." And so I am kind of a Supernatural expert, but, you know, maybe on an intermediate level. I know a lot of Supernatural, I would say.

C: Yeah, I don't even know who got fridged in Season 10, so. [laughs]

G: You should! It's our favorite-

C: Hey! I'm supposed to only know about this from social media. Don't tell me! [G laughs]

G: But this is like, a thing. It's surprising that you don't know about it. I think if I told you, you'd be like, "Oh, okay." I think you just don't recall the specific season that it happened, but you know it happened for sure. [M laughs] [M: Right.]

So that's very interesting, actually. So like, you watched it the way most people who are just casual watchers watch it also, like, just on the TV, before you got really into it. [M: Yeah. Yeah.] Did you have like, incredibly different perspectives on the characters and everything before you watched it like, fully? When you were just watching it, like, on the telly?

M: When I was watching it just casually, I just felt like, "Oh, these are two brothers, and they're hunting monsters," and I thought of it as like, a supernatural procedural. [G: Yes.] 'Cause I was already acquainted with- I'd already watched like, Charmed, and before that, I've watched, like, Smallville, so Supernatural is just another one of those shows that came on TV, but I didn't really know about it, but it was the only show that really drew my interest, just because it had such a strong fanbase on Tumblr. So watching it casually was like, "Oh, it's a TV show! I watch it the same way I watch Bones. Like, I'm not gonna watch it in order. I'm just gonna watch it when it was on TV." But then, when I started watching it like, seriously, sat down watching it, I was like, "There's a lot of lore behind this," and I feel like that really sucked me in.

G: I'm not sure if actually, I was watching it on Filipino television with the Tagalog dub, like, before I started watching the show actually, or if I caught it sometimes before that also. But the experience of catching a show on television is truly a different experience than like, you know, watching it intentionally. So it is like, fascinating when people are like, "Oh, and I started watching Supernatural, like, just catching it on the television." I want to ask specifically about Season 4. I think the last time we spoke to each other, you mentioned that you love Season 4. Like, it really is your favorite season.

M: I do. I would say Season 4, in my eyes, is like, one of the best seasons in Supernatural. I would say, like, the season that I kind of hold dear to me is Season 3, but that's kind of short, and it's also like- Season 3 of Supernatural is like Season 4 of Community. You know what I mean? It's like, the gas leak season. Like, every single episode, is like, not throwaway, but it's very meta, and it's very goofy. And even though it kind of sets you up for Season 4, it doesn't really like- it goes deep into like, the whole, like, Heaven and Hell thing, but not too deep, and Season 4 is really when, like, everything gets nailed down. Like, you learn the lore, you get introduced to angels, you introduce the Apocalypse, you introduce God, and, like, Michael, and all these things. And Sam and Dean realize that they go from being hunters to being instruments of God, and the thing that they did out of obligation becomes something they do as their destiny, and they have to, you know, come to terms with whether or not they're going to fulfill this destiny, or they have to come to terms with the fact that they don't do it and something worse happens, you know. [G: Yeah.] So that's why I like Season 4. Because it raises the stakes.

G: Yeah. I think I've said this prior, but I do tend to see Seasons 1-3 as the prequel of the show [laughs], and Season 4 is when it really starts. [M: Yeah.] Like, it really begins. And I have a lot of times in Season 4 where I did think, like, "We're in Supernatural now." Like, "This is Supernatural now." Especially, I think, because of the introduction of Cas, because, you know, I'm very, very- I love Cas so much that like, to me, a lot of Supernatural is just Castiel. And so like, now that he's here, it's like, "Oh my god, we're actually watching Supernatural now!" But yeah, you're right. It is a completely different vibe from Season 1, 2, and 3.

C: 'Cause your main takeaway from Supernatural is that it's about free will, and, like, the main characters are Team Free Will by the end, but like, that's only possible because there's a Heaven [G: Yes.] and because Heaven introduces the idea of fate in a way that the demons and Hell just like, does not. So, yeah, no, this is like, when Supernatural becomes Supernatural. Do you think it was like, a bummer for people who liked it before, though?

G: Oh, I'm sure for some people.

C: Like, the show has completely changed what its point is.

G: I mean, there's like, a lot of reviews, right, that we read where it's like, "Oh, the angel/demon blah blah blah is so boring."

C: Yeah, like, "Can't wait 'til this is over and we can get back to Supernatural!" [G laughs] [G: And it's never over.] [laughs] Like, oh, buddy. Yeah.

I mean, I'm curious about your Casgirl/Deangirl/Samgirl alignment, Manika. [G: Yeah.]

M: Casgirl/Deangirl/Samgirl alignment?

C: Like, [overlapping with G] which one's your favorite?

M: I would have to say like, I was a Samgirl for a long time, like, when I was younger. [G: Hell yeah!] [C: Good.] But now I'm like, a strong Casgirl, [C: Also good.] because they just kept playing in my guy's face.

G: So true! But do you or do you not have strong feelings regarding Dean in both of the positive and the negative?

M: I don't really have any strong feelings towards Dean because everybody already likes Dean. [G: Yeah.] So it's like, "Okay, he's cool. He's got it," you know? Like, I kinda put him to the side. It's not like I don't like Dean at all. It's just kind of like, "Mm, I mean, he's okay." Like, he's there. He's the favorite. He's like, the number one draft pick, so to speak, so he doesn't need my love.

C: Yeah. The writers are obsessed with him. [G: This is true.] That's why he's correct about nothing.

M: I feel like they're so obsessed with him, and then- Never mind. Let me not, let me not.

C: [laughing] No, I'm curious.

G: [laughing] No, we are completely with this discussion.

C: We hate Dean. [C and G laughing] We hate Dean so much.

G: No, I love Dean!

M: No, I didn't say I hated Dean! I was just saying that-

C: Okay, I hate Dean, I hate Dean, and I think that being neutral about Dean is a very good, brave decision to make.

G: Like, in in this podcast, I am the Dean lover, but like, just because Crystal just doesn't like him so much, [laughs] and so I've just been thrust upon this position. [laughs] Because Crystal doesn't like him. But yeah, go on.

M: I was just saying like, it's ironic that the writers love Dean so much, [G: Yeah.] and that like, he got so many good stories, and like, interesting plotlines throughout the seasons, just for them to kill him with a nail. [C: Yeah.] Like, what is that? [G: Yeah.] What is that? [C: They were being funny.] I would actually fight the writers. I would actually- No. It's not even funny. Like, I played this character for 15 years, [C and G laugh] I would actually, like- we would start boxing. Like, screw what Eric Kripke says, everybody's getting these hands, okay?

C: Was he even involved by the end? Where was Eric Kripke at the end of Supernatural?

G: I don't think he was particularly involved, but Jensen Ackles apparently called him.

C: Oh yeah! He called him, and he was like, "This is a really difficult thing for me to hear about my character," and [overlapping with G] Eric Kripke was like, "Just go for it. It's fine." [G: Yeah.] Like, could Jensen Ackles have gotten them to rewrite it? Like, what did he think was gonna happen?

M: He could've. He could've, but he didn't care, 'cause he was developing The Boys, so.

G: Yeah, I felt very much like you when the show ended. Like, I think, around 2021. I was very like, upset with the show. And even when we were starting this podcast, which is like, early 2022, I was kind of like, afraid of how we're going to do Season 15, even though it's like, years from now, because I'm like- it's still like, a very sore and bitter topic for me. I think nowadays, I have like, just mellowed out, but only because I'm rewatching Supernatural from the beginning. [M: Yeah, okay.] So, like, my mindset is still here. It's still not in Season 15. Sometimes I would think about it and still be like, "Agh, what were they doing??" [laughs] But yeah, I think maybe that feeling for me will resurface, maybe, or maybe not when we get to the later seasons of the show in the podcast.

C: I'm gonna have to take Deangirl sensitivity training so I don't laugh throughout his death the whole time. [G laughs]

M: Oh my god!

G: Crystal is such a hater. Specifically, I wanted to ask you about your rewatch of Season 4. Did you rewatch it recently? Do you have any new thoughts on the matter? Any surprises that got to you?

M: Yeah, upon my rewatch, I was just like- Oh my gosh, I was kind of taken aback by the nostalgia of it all. And I was taken aback by just how terrible quality it was. [C and G laugh] First of all, watching this on Netflix, and at some point, I was watching it on my TV, I'm like, "Damn, this is actually- like, this feels like 2000 all over again." But I loved rewatching it. I feel like every single time I've rewatched Supernatural, there are little things that I pick up on and little things that I see. I do wanna say, I liked the original Meg that they had, like, played by Nicki Aycox- she's blonde. I liked her. But I'm not gonna lie, like, the brunette Meg does like, hold a special place in my heart, but- There are those little things that I noticed. Ruby, of course, being like, "Oh my gosh! That's Sam's wife!" and I was seeing her, and I was like, this is a weird kinky foreplay of her just being suss, [C laughs] being almost an abuser, and then them dating.

C: Yeah, of the to-be-Padaleckis, yeah. [M: Yeah.]

G: Yeah. Truly experience.

M: Yes, it was- It was weird. It was interesting, but it was definitely weird, and- what else? "Yellow Fever," of course, is my favorite. [G laughs] Made me laugh so hard. And also, "Eye of the Tiger," when he's doing the "Eye of the Tiger" performance on the car, that's my favorite part. I love it so much. I started like, laughing so hard. I actually started laughing a lot during these episodes, [G: Yeah.] and that's the one thing that I feel like new Supernatural missed that old Supernatural did beautifully is that the show was just funny, you know?

G: Really?

M: Yes! It's funny. Like, there is some-

G: You think new Supernatural is less funny?

C: It's my understanding that Supernatural has turned more sitcom-ish as the seasons progressed.

G: I think the future Supernaturals are funny, but, again, I'm at my Season 4 mind right now.

M: They're trying too hard to be funny, though.

G: Oh, yeah, you're right. Like, it's trying to be comedic on purpose instead of [M: Yes.] whatever it is they're doing here. Yeah, I get that. I get that.

M: Season 4, it's like, these are two idiots that are dealing with demons and angels. They are prepared for the Apocalypse. This is what they've been waiting for since the beginning of creation. This is something they've been hoping for. This is something they've been like, longing for, to have a war on Earth. Like, they didn't even care that these two idiots are here. [G: Yeah.] And these two idiots, who have only been born like, a speck of time in comparison to these centuries that these angels and demons have been alive, just have to deal with these two. And they're just trying to like, you know, get this started. You know what I mean? [G: Yeah. Yeah.] So it's fun to watch. It's also fun to see, like, all the writers who have been on the show for so long flex these muscles, and it's crazy 'cause like, a lot of the episodes are really good. And I was just like, "How is it that y'all wrote Season 4 and put together, like, this work of art, like, this storyline, and you gave us like, Season 7. Like, how did that happen?" [G: Yeah.] Where did we lose the plot?

G: I think the thing is, as you said, like, there are episodes in this season that are like, "Wow! That's like, really good." But there are also times where it's like, "Oh, I understand how this show turned into whatever it becomes in the future," because, like, it's the same writers, and I think both the stuff that they're good at talking about and also their pitfalls, like, both individual writers and the show, I think you can see it in Season 4. Yeah. I think honestly, the reason why Season 4 feels so good is because the tail end is just excellent. I really do think that. Like, I think the first few episodes, honestly, were just so-so.

C: I was not impressed. I mean, "Laz Rising" was good [G: Yes.] and 4.03 was good. 4.02, eh. [G: I love 4.02.] And the rest of them were- Okay, "Metamorphosis" had its thing. I think it was like, the middle of Season 4, where it was just regular case episodes, [G: Yeah. And it was a bit of a plot.], none of them were particularly impressive. But I think that the beginning and the end are both very good.

G: Yeah. Yeah. And that's why it's easier to remember it fondly. "Yellow Fever" is an interesting pick, because I watched that episode, like, me and Crystal, we did- like, it was entertaining. Like, it was fun. [C: Yeah. I laughed.] But yeah, you think about the implication of what they did to that ghost, and it's like, "What is this?" The thing about Supernatural is you will have a fun episode that is beloved by the fandom, beloved by, you know, both viewers were really into it, and casual viewers are like- And then you watch it, and it is fun. it is fun. It's just that there will always be something there that you're like, "What is that? [laughs] What were they doing?" And for "Yellow Fever" for me, it was like, the way they resolved the actual ghost situation.

C: Yeah, they were like, "This man was murdered so horribly because of, like, his like, ableist or whatever community, and the way to get rid of him as a ghost is to like, kill him again in the exact same horrible way." [G: Yeah.]

M: I remember I was watching Season 4, and there are a lot of episodes that I realize serve as kind of- I don't know how else to describe it, but like, branches. Because a lot of times, if your show feels like they're about to get canceled, [G: Yeah.] or they feel like they might not be renewed, they'll introduce new things in the season, and they'll stay on like, the plotline. So like, this Season 4 stays with like, the Apocalypse, keeping Lucifer from like, breaking the levee, and, like, you know, getting out. But it also introduces a lot of other things, you know. First of all, it introduces Carver Edlund [G: Yeah.] who is writing the Supernatural books. Yeah. And then there's Adam, you know, they're introducing their half brother [C: Yeah.] that they didn't know about. You know, there are a lot of things that are introduced here. Like, I think also Ghostfacers.

C: They were in Season 3?

G: [overlapping with C] They were brought back in "It's a Terrible Life," but that's more of like, a "They planted that seed before, and this is like, it growing now" is with Ghostfacers. But you're right, like, they do plant seeds in this season.

M: 'Cause they're just like, "You know, the Apocalypse storyline is great, but, you know, guys, if you want to continue the show, we have other things so we can jump back to, you know, if you wanna keep us going." [C: That's true.]

G: Yeah, I mean, I do frequently wonder when they decided that Season 5 was not going to be the end. Was it here? Like, when they were doing Season 4, were they already like, "And now we're going to have a Season 6 and 7." Or was that more of a "after they finish Season 5, they got reviewed again." I wasn't, you know, I wasn't into Supernatural at the time, so I have no gauge whatsoever on what the show climate was at the time. But it is interesting to think about 'cause me and Crystal were also discussing the other episode, like, "What is Supernatural about? Like, what are they trying to say?" And because if you just look at Supernatural at the original, quote unquote, "original run" of 1 to 5, it's saying a completely different thing than what it ends up saying in the full show at the 15 seasons. So yeah, like, Supernatural, when did- you know, what were they doing? And how did they deal with the continuance off the show? It's interesting.

G: So, yeah. Crystal, I mean, you have talked a little bit, but what's your Season 4 general feelings now that we have gone through the entire thing?

C: Um, I don't know. There's just not that many feelings that exist. Like, I liked "When the Levee Breaks" a lot. But, like, you know, in our 4.22 recording, I said, I didn't feel particularly impressed 'cause I already knew everything. [G: Yeah.] I feel like this is the season where, like, I probably had, like, [both] the most fandom knowledge on, like, play-by-play what all the major plot points are, so like, nothing was really surprising to me, whereas, like, in Season 7, I have no clue how they're gonna defeat Dick Roman, or whatever the fuck. [G laughs]

G: Yeah. I think it did affect how you are. Because, like, I feel like in Season 1, 2, and 3, whenever big, especially emotional, stuff happens, you do react to it in a "I did not expect that to happen here" way. In Season 4, I think especially with Sam's plot in Season 4, I think you knew more than me what was happening! Like, what was gonna happen. [C: Right. This is true.] So yeah, it is a different vibe for you this season. Do you really think it's like, you know, not particularly more than the sum of its parts, what's happening this season?

C: Okay, I think the aesthetic of it is nice. Like, I like the lighting. I think all the things that they did with the angels is very cool. [G: Yeah.] I liked, you know, Uriel and Zachariah, and obviously Cas, and also Anna. So like, good concepts were introduced, and they looked good while they were doing it. But I don't know if I really felt like, a strong emotional connection to the characters or the plotline. Especially because I think.- Season 1, it's like, "We're like, in our twenties, and we're looking for our dad, and we're scared." It's like, okay, like, I know what that is. [G: That's relatable, yeah.] And, you know, later, it's like, Sam has his special- the psychic children arc, which, I mean, I think is like, personal enough to him that I could also feel that. And then, it's, you know, "Dean is gonna go to Hell and die because of the deal he made, and he doesn't wanna die." Like, okay, I get that too. Now, it's like, there's like, the literal Apocalypse, [G: Yeah.] but like, we're just stuck with these two guys who are kind of both annoying. [C and G laugh] Like, why don't I want the world to end? Like-

G: I think this is like, what Manika was saying. Like, for some people it would be incredibly appealing that the stakes are higher, blah blah blah. You think you fall on the other side of that equation? Like, you're like, "I want it to be more personal."

C: Right. I think, first off, we start with Dean having supposedly been in Hell for 40 years, [G: Yeah.] but still knowing how to make burgers and shit, you know what I mean? So like, we start off with like, this giant thing happened that's like, beyond imagining for a lot of people, but like, we aren't able to fully encapsulate what that does to someone at all. Like, Dean's basically the same, except occasionally has like, a flashback. So it's like, you've already set up that there's like, this big stake that you weren't able to follow through with properly. And now with the Apocalypse, yeah, it's like, I don't know. Like, they just keep saying that the world's gonna end. They keep saying the word "apocalypse." But what does that actually mean to them. Like, when they're on their regular hunts in the middle of the season, and they're talking to like, regular people who don't know about hunting, I don't think it's on their minds that, like, "These are the people that are gonna be gone when the world ends," because they also like, don't really bother making any of the people they save [G: Yeah.] particularly like, likable or 3D. So, I don't know. I think it was harder for me to care because the problem of the season felt so abstract.

M: I do want to say, just to like, jump on what Crystal saying, it's always interesting when shows that have, like, otherworldly elements, their protagonists essentially have to deal with something very traumatic and terrible, [C: Yeah.] and they don't go to therapy. Like, they don't do anything to like, resolve what's going on in their minds, because having to like, take the time to like, work out your issues and do like, any self-work, or like, trying to work through your trauma is kind of- it's inhibiting to the plot, really. [G: Yeah.] Like, it takes away the time you could spend the doing the mystery. If you really wanted to get better, you would like, absolutely stop hunting, and, like, you know, take some time away, but that'd also take him away from his family. So there's this sense of purpose, [G: Yeah.] there's this sense of "I have to do this. Like, I have no other choice," you know. You ask, like, "What's the purpose of the Apocalypse? Like, what is it? It feels so abstract." And really, like, I feel like Sam and Dean have been dealing with like, quote-unquote "apocalypses" for, like, most of their life, and it's like, find their dad, find the person that killed their mom. And now they're introducing angels and demons. Like, this is above my paygrade. And it's just that, like, they have no other choice but to take part in this because it's completely out of their hands, [C: Right.] and it's something that's like, thrust upon them. So it's like, you know, the never-ending self-impending doom of their quote-unquote "profession," you know.

C: Right. Also, like, Dean, gets out of Hell, and like, the day of, like, Castiel, is like, "Hey, it's me. Literal God needs you to keep hunting." [G: Yeah.] Like, I guess we don't know what would have happened if he didn't meet Cas, like, right away. I suppose Sam was still hunting Lilith 'cause she was still around. She still had her demon war that she was trying to do. So like, I don't think that Dean would have taken a break, but yeah, I think it's the fact that they chose this job, they keep getting thrust into these situations [G: Yeah.], they keep being in survival mode so they can't go to therapy or take a break or whatever. And because they won't fucking tell anybody because, like, hunting is such an insular community, and like, no one wants to tell anybody [G: Anyone else, yeah.]- like, the civilians about like, ghosts or shit. It's like, they are stuck on like, "It has to be me who does this." Like, I don't know, like, most governmental institutions or whatever like, suck ass, but like, at least, it means that like, there'd be like, [laughs] more than ten people in the US working on the Apocalypse.

G: Yeah, it also does- I think a part of it is just that this is like, a episodic TV show. Like, I feel like, you know, Supernatural, I mean, much like anything, really is a product of like, its time and its format. I feel like if maybe Supernatural was a more prestige TV show or whatever, they would feel more allowance in terms of developing that character in that way, or like, dealing with that trauma that the character experiences in that way. But because, like, you do have to keep the same vibe in every episode, pretty much, it's like, that's really what cements Dean here. Also, oh my god, I completely forgot that the first episode of Season 4 literally ends with, "We have work for you." [C: Yeah.] And that's like, what the rest of the season is about, pretty much, for Dean. It's like, "The angels have work for you." Oh! I forgot that! I mean, Season 4-

C: Cas said that sentence and everything!

G: [laughs] Yeah. No, but like, Season 4 ends with Dean in that room because the angels have work for him, and like, yeah. It is just they are very much just pawns being pushed around. Although I would say that is a big part of why Season 5 works. Like, Season 4 and Season 5 are a pair, I feel. Like, you can't really extricate them from one another the way you can Season 1, 2, and 3 from each other.

C: We talk about how they're going to be vessels for Michael and Lucifer like, every episode during Season 4, even though like, they don't know that.

G: It's not mentioned yet, yeah. And also, like, you know, like, the whole point of Sam and Dean being like, they're just small, small parts in this huge, huge machine. And then, you know, by the end of Season 5, it's like, no, these are the parts. These small parts are like, what makes the thing, and so Sam and Dean can make a difference. Just like those little toy soldiers in the car! [laughs] Whatever. I really like that episode, unfortunately, so it does make me emotional.

C: Is it unfortunate? I thought a lot of people liked "Swan Song."

G: Is it fortunate? Oh, okay, I like that episode, fortunately.

C: I think it's a neutral condition to have. [laughs]

G: Okay, fine.

G: Well, let's do character arcs. So what do you guys think of like, the character arcs this season?

C: Well, I just first have to like, figure out what the character arcs are. Who are we starting with?

G: Okay. Where do we start with Sam? Well, hunting with Ruby.

C: Yeah, Sam starts hunting Lilith [M: Yeah.] with Ruby as a revenge thing because she 'caused Dean's death, and also because she's trying to like, have the demon war on earth that they were supposedly fighting in Season 3 but that I forget about constantly.

G: Yeah, I mean, Season 3 ends with Sam being like, "Okay, Ruby, what is it now? Like, you said I can do something. What is it, like, in the last minute?" And Ruby was like, "It's too late. Dean is still going to Hell." So I think that does inform a lot of what Sam is doing. Like, he can't give himself the ability to- or the opportunity to "think it through," quote-unquote, because, like, I mean, "he thought that one through, and now Dean is in Hell"-kind of situation.

C: Yeah. Or it was like, he basically already committed to like, doing whatever it is that Ruby said, would give him powers in the last minutes before Dean's death, [G: Yeah.] and it was too late. But like, it's not too late to get revenge on Lilith. [G sighs] So okay, hand over that demon blood sippy cup.

G: Right. Where does he end the season?

M: [laughs] Not sippy cup.

G: [laughs] Sippy cup. Exactly. Where does he end this season?

C: Well, okay. So-

G: I mean, he ends it miserable. But he also ends Season 4 miserable- or, Season 5 miserable.

C: Have we really discussed what it means that Dean comes back, like, to him?

G: To Sam? [C: Yeah, to Sam.] I don't know. What is there to discuss? What are your thoughts on it?

C: Obviously, [laughs] it was an unexpected thing. [G laughs] [M: Yeah, very unexpected.] He'd already committed himself to being like, this like, revenge-driven just like, completely lost in the killing Lilith sauce because of Dean's death thing. So like, this sort of throws a wrench into like, the narrative of his life that he's decided, right? [M: Yeah, that's true.] But like, he does continue drinking demon blood. He does continue pursuing Lilith. But, you know, as Dean says in 4.21-

G: [laughs] Now the main issue is that Dean is also here.

C: - is like, "Hey, like, I'm back. [laughs] Like, what is this revenge thing for now?" [G: Yeah.] I think we're supposed to think that at this point, like, he just like, is addicted to demon blood to the point where, like, the revenge is not the primary reason, like, already in 4.01? Or at what point do we think like, he made that switch?

G: I don't know. I mean, he does stop in "Metamorphosis," right? Like, that's a big deal.

C: That's true. He does stop in "Metamorphosis." Does he start up again until "Criss Angel"?

G: Comes back in "Criss Angel," yeah.

C: Okay, yeah. So he wasn't that set on thedemon blood thing until after "Criss Angel," so like, he had an 8-episode interim. So. [G: Yeah.] And then, we think his whole like, arrogance, like, "I can do this better than Dean can" thing starts after 4 12?

M: It's interesting, because I think after Dean leaves, he's gotta like, try to become his own man, almost. [G: Yeah.] So it's a little weird 'cause, like, the Sammy that we know from previous seasons would have tried to find a way to get his brother out of Hell, or try to go to Hell himself and then break him out from there. He would have been mourning or sad, and instead he decides to become-

C: He does say that he tried those things.

M: He says that.

C: Like, we see him try to make a demon deal. Well, we see footage of him trying to make a demon deal in the flashbacks in 4.09. [G and M: Yeah.] He tells Dean also that he literally tried to reopen like, the gate to Hell that was opened [G laughing] at the end of Season 2. I guess we don't know if he actually did that, but like, [laughs] pretty whacked-up thing to make up if you didn't actually do it. [laughs] Like, that's not something I would be proud of telling someone I did.

G: I mean, I think, like, fundamentally, what happened to Sam was like, Dean leaving did change him. [M: Yeah.] Like, we we enter Season 4. Sam is different, even more different than Dean, I would say!

C: [laughs] He installed an iPod jack in the Impala and everything. [G laughs]

G: Yeah! Like, he is even more different than Dean, I think.

C: [laughs] And Dean was literally torturing people for 10 years and tortured for 30 years.

G: Exactly. But like, you know how Sam kept on insisting throughout the tail end of the season that, like, "Dean is different, and like, [C: Yeah, he came back wrong.] he can't do it because he's weak and something changed him in Hell." But really it's like, Sam changed. Sam's different.

C: Sam's different. Dean is like, the same.

G: Dean is the same. It's just that Sam has changed so much that in comparison to Dean that he thinks one of them changed and it's Dean, when it's him, really. Aw. I mean, as I said, I think Season 4 and 5 are paired together, so like, this specific arc of Sam is not yet done. I think it ends in Season 5, so.

C: That's when he decides that he can like, defeat Lucifer in his brain. [laughs]

G: Yeah. So I feel like for Sam, it is a continuing arc. [C: Right.] We need to talk about Dean. [laughs] Why did I say it like that? Well, we do need to talk about Dean.

C: Like, there's nothing else we have to say about Sam? Sam Winchester?

G: Okay, what else do you want to say, Crystal?

C: Like, this is the second season of his relationship with Ruby. Like, there's got to be something there. I don't know. Is there?

G: 'Cause between the two of us, you are the Sam and Ruby person.

C: That's true. I feel like Samruby's larger in my head than it is in the show. Like, I feel like the show itself doesn't really-

G: Reckon with it much.

C: - do much- Yeah, like, they don't like, really like, give it like, the depth or the seriousness of like, an abusive relationship depiction. But they also like, don't really- they just don't- There's not really a lot of feelings in the show between them.

G: Yeah. There's- Ruby is here for more plot.

C: They're both a means to each other's end, yeah.

G: Yeah. I mean, I think Season 3 Ruby has more like, emotional whatever whatever than Season 4, which is a very surprising thing to say. [C: Yeah.] But also, I mean, I just like Season 3 Ruby a lot more. So that's why, probably.

C: [laughs] She has a better actor.

G: Yeah. I mean-

C: Manika, do you have feelings about if Genevieve Padalecki is a good actor? [G: As Ruby. As Ruby specifically.] [M laughs] 'Cause I feel like a lot of people thought that she was like, quite wooden, and I feel like Grey and I felt that way, too. But also like, she is a beloved character, like, in her brunette Ruby iteration. So I'm curious about if there's like, other opinions on her acting. [G: What are your thoughts?]

M: Yeah, I feel like she is very good. To be perfectly honest, I liked her in Season 4, and she really brought like, something interesting to the show. She reminds me a lot of like, Bela, except Bela was kind of sassy and snarky, and she was fun, and I like that about her because she gives like, antihero, so you wanna root for her. But Ruby is very clearly like, she's a demon. She's a bad person. And we know that she's bad, and Sam knows that she's bad, but he can't like, get away from her. And it just kind of falls in line that this is an abusive relationship. It's not like- I don't know if the writers intentionally meant to write it because a lot of the things- 'Cause like, if the writers meant to intentionally depict an abusive relationship, I feel like they should have intentionally depicted like, Sam talking about- bringing up more- when people are addicted to stuff in TV shows, they always say, like, "Oh, I could stop at any time." Or they'll say things like, "Oh, it's like, it's okay. I'm better with it. I know how to manage it. I know how to take care of it," which he does. He's like, you know, "The blood, I'm saving people. Like, we don't have to kill the people. Like, we can still save the people inside" and blah blah blah. And it's weird, 'cause, even though he says that he's still, like, you know, kind of destroying his body in order to do it. And it's just like, this, strange give-and-take that's going on. And I feel like in Season 4, we're seeing Sam, who's like, super nice, very helpful, down-to-earth guy who's willing to work with a demon and eventually falls in love with a demon, and he knows she's a demon. There's no good in her.

C: I mean, even the opinion that Sam is in love with Ruby is not like, [G: Yeah. It's really-] universally held. I don't even know if I believe that. [G: In the context of the show, yeah.] Can you speak more?

M: No. I don't think that he's in love with her. I think that because she makes him feel powerful, and she's like, giving him kind of like, a big head. She's like, "Yeah, you got this." [G: There's a reliance on that, yeah.] He somehow has- There's a reliance on it, and also, like, she's hot [C: True.] [C laughs] and she's there. So if you make a guy feel good enough for a long enough time and you're always around, and you just happen to be hot, he's just gonna wanna get in your pants, you know? [C and G laugh] So he's attracted to her. If he's in love with her, I doubt it.

C: Though, I mean, she was the one to pressure him into sex first. [G: Yeah.] Yeah, but I think she is like, using something.

G: She is absolutely using him, and we all see it but him.

C: I think there is an attraction there already that he did not want to act on. But then, right, she forced the matter in order to make him more dependent on her.

G: It is- I don't know. The Sam and Ruby stuff is incredibly interesting. I think that Ruby, for me, is most beloved in Season 4 in the episodes with Anna. Because I feel like those are the ones that really, like, at least at that point in the story, cement her as like, "She's on our side," or whatever.

C: Right. Like, even an angel says, "Ruby is different from the others. She's nice. She saved me."

G: Yeah. And so, like, I do think that is like, a good turning point in her character. Although after that, I just really don't think they do anything much with her. [C: Yeah.] Like, I think she just becomes like, a plot person. A person to move the plot. [C: Yeah, a real Bobby of a character.] And I don't know. I do feel like a little bit like, "Mm." I think that's also a big part of why by the end of this season, I was like, "Eh." Ruby has a lot of promise, etc. And like, I think, you know, if they brought her back in the show, which they kind of do in Season 14 again, but like, not really. [C: Very briefly.] Yeah, there are interesting avenues to take this character. But, alas! They don't. [C: Yeah.] So it's forever going to be what is.

C: I do feel like they've either forgotten a lot about her Season 3 characterization, or they've decided that you can just think that she was manipulating them, like, the whole whole time. Right, there's this scene at the end of, like, "Malleus Maleficarum," is it? where she tells Dean, "I'm helping you because I remember what it's like to be human and stuff like that." She tells Sam a similar thing, like, in the 4.09 flashbacks. [G: Yeah.] And that is an interesting concept. But I guess at the end, we're just supposed to think she was lying the whole time, [M: The whole time.] and every time she was helping them in Season 3 was to lead Sam. [G: There was a motive.] Which is also like, fine, like, if there's like, depth to that. [G: Yeah.] If we like, understood why she cared so much about raising Lucifer again, or like, [G: Yeah.] her feelings about her role in the matter. Like, she gets a little bit of a monologue in 4.22 about how she's proud of herself for having done this, but like, I don't know. I wanna know why this is important to her. And I also wanna know more about her like, past as a witch and all that shit because they made it such a big reveal in Season 3 [G: Yeah.], and they just sort of drop all those threads with her and have Dean stab her to death!

M: In Season 3, you said, like, in "Malleus Maleficarum," when she said that she remembered what it felt like to be human, it was interesting 'cause she like, warned the Winchesters- She tried to warn them of like, a witch coven, you know, that was being controlled by Astaroth.

C: Yeah, yeah, her former witch teacher person. [G: Boss.]

M: Yeah, yeah. I feel like she was doing that to gain their trust, almost. [G: Yeah.] You know, she's trying to like, get them on her side. And it's most likely that she had always intended to bring back Lucifer, and she probably saw something in Sam that he hadn't seen in himself yet, and she was just like, you know, "What would be more irony than the two brothers that are going around killing like, demons, witches, werewolves to bring Lucifer back to Earth and start the Apocalypse." So I feel like she's been playing the long game.

C: Yeah. [G: Yeah.] She also had some kind of partnership with Azazel, didn't she? Where she said that he passed on the information to her about how Sam had been specially selected to help raise Lucifer?

G: I mean, all of that is so murky. Like, the Azazel-Ruby-Lilith-Lucifer connection is so murky.

C: Yeah, it's just dropped this monologue at the end of Season 4 [G: Yeah.] that is not clear. Like, I don't know. I would love to see some flashbacks of her and, like, Azazel, like, eating fries together and him being like, "Okay, and then you should probably do this [G laughs] [G: Yeah.] and then tell Sam to drink from your veins," and she's like, "Yes, that would be so fun and silly! Alright, writing that down." [laughs]

G: Yeah. I mean- Is this true? Manika, have you heard this? There was this like, thing I heard once, I'm not sure if it's true at all, that like, the reason why Ruby had to be killed at the end of Season 4 is because Jared and Genevieve started dating, and so they didn't want to have Sam and Ruby continue being a thing in the show when the people playing them are dating. Have you heard this? Have you ever heard this?

M: I did see that rumor on Tumblr. And the thing with Supernatural is that they're one of those shows that start airing while the show's filming because the show is so long [G: Right. Yeah, yeah.] it was impossible for them to like, film all the shows, like, the full season, and then air it, so that could be the case. But I think what really happened was that Ruby was meant to be a one-season character the same way, like, Lilith has been. [G: Yeah, for like, a shorter- yeah.] 'Cause like, you could bring in a female character, but yeah, if she's not on the Winchester's side, she's not a good person, then she's gonna die. Even when she is a good person, she may die. [G: Yeah.] So it is possible that, like, Ruby, was always intending for Sam to get stronger and stronger and stronger, and him feeling guilty that he couldn't take down Lilith and his brother still went to jail- he went to Hell. She was like, "Oh, yeah, I got him right where I wanted." [C: Yeah.] And then, you know, and then she was like, "Yeah, I mean, I wanna raise Lucifer." And like, they knew. The writers had to know, like, if Ruby is going to raise Lucifer, then she's going to die this season. [G: Yeah. That is probably also-] So I feel like- Yeah, and I think them dating just kind of happened.

G: Yeah. [laughs] We have been talking about the Padaleckis so much for this episode. But I think honestly, like, that kind of like- outside factors that contributed to the character dying or whatever is more applicable to Anna, really, than Ruby.

C: Oh, absolutely. God, poor Anna. Right, Manika, you've heard that like, Anna was sort of meant to stay on, like, as the Cas character. [G: The Cas of the show, yeah.] But then the audience all liked Cas so much more that they just like, diminished Anna's role and then kill her in Season 5.

M: Oh. Wait, seriously?

C: Yeah. Like, Cas supposed to die in Season 4.

G: Yeah. Then got brought back in Season 5. It is fascinating how they do- I don't know.

C: 'Cause you can feel it because of how, like, right, like, Grey, both of us said that Anna shows up in 4.20 and 4.21, [G: 21, yeah.] and like, she's like- she doesn't contribute anything to either of those episodes. She's just there to like, drop information that, like, they already knew. And I think it's because the actress was like, contracted to be on more episodes. [G: Yeah.] And then like, eventually, when they were like, "Actually, we want Castiel for this kind of a role," then, like, she like, still had to film those episodes [G: Got booted up to heaven.] but they didn't have anything to give her to do or whatever. So yeah, they just flattened her out.

G: That is interesting what you pointed out, Manika, like, Supernatural is a show that is writing while still airing or still filming.

C: Right, which is why things like Cas getting brought back in Season 7 because, like, the audience, was not enjoying that he was gone for so long, [G: Yeah.] that's why something like that could have happened.

G: That format basically gives us Cas back in Season 7, yeah. Well, [laughs] is that all good for Sam?

C: Sure. [laughs]

G: Okay, let's talk about Dean. Let's talk about Dean.

C: Yeah. I am curious about how Sam's guilt over Lucifer is gonna affect him in Season 5. Okay, that's my last thing to say.

G: No, that's for Season 5, yeah. [M: Uh-huh.]

G: What is the Dean situation? I don't know.

C: I don't know. He existed and was annoying. You guys can talk about him.

G: It's because, like, when Dean is endearing, he is endearing, and when he is annoying, he is so annoying! [M: Mm.] And in Season 4, I feel like he is a lot more annoying than he is endearing. [C: Yeah.] This season, especially 'cause we did a break to watch Good Omens for 3 months [laughs], but during that time I was thinking about Dean a lot. I was like, reminiscing on Season 1 Dean, etc. I just had extreme fondness for him. And then we went back to the show, to Supernatural, and it was like, "Aw. This is not like, the Dean that I like." Like, Season 4- I mean, because Sam and Dean, as I said, like, they have to maintain like, a status quo. But also they do, in fact, actually change also. It's just incredibly like, gradual and sometimes not intentional, [laughs] I feel like. Like, it's the external forces that cause that instead of like, them as characters. But like, I feel like Dean is like- Season 1 and 2 Dean, extremely endearing. And then it like, dips down very, very low for a while. [laughs] And then it rises back up until, you know, Season 15. So like, I feel like right now, me and Dean, we're not good. [C: You're on the outs.] We're having our divorce era. Yeah. He's sleeping on the couch, etc. So. I don't know. I mean, Manika, what do you think of Season 4 Dean? Like, Season 4 specifically.

M: I feel like Season 4 Dean is the beginning of like, grouchy Dean, you know? [G: Yes.] You know, like, grumbly Dean. You know, he's just so- I don't know how to say it. Pent up? You know, he doesn't talk about his feelings, doesn't open up, really. Like, he went to Hell. [G: Yeah.] Like, he literally went through suffering, like, the worst kind of suffering possible, and it's because the show won't allow them to talk about. Like, he was about to become a demon. Like, that was his like, biggest fear. And now here he is on Earth, he's back to hunting again, and, like, the season prior, he knew that he was gonna die in a year, so he was almost like, reckless and almost like, suicidal in a way. But he was just kinda like, in his head like, "Oh, I can't die before I'm supposed to. So like, if I do something really stupid on this hunt, it's gonna be fine, 'cause like, I'm not gonna die, you know? Not this time around." And now that Dean's been to Hell, it's kind of like, well, how does he feel? What's going on with him now that he's gone through something that traumatic? Like, how does he view hunting now? Like, has things changed for him? 'Cause I try to think about it like, a soldier coming back from war, you know? So soldiers come back from war, he's like, heartbroken, and, like, you know, kind of like, down and sad, and they either hate their country or they come back, and they're just like, even more of like, a [tough-guy voice] "red-blooded American!" And it seems like Dean is like, the second one, but he still feels like, you know, "Why do I have to go?"

G: He feels more attached to hunting, do you think?

M: Yeah, he feels more attached to hunting, you know? Because it's just what he knows. Like, there's nothing else he can do, really.

G: I think, honestly, what you said, it brought up something interesting in me, which is like, is he afraid to die now? Is there more of a survival instinct because like, he knows what being dead's like?

C: [laughs] Right, he knows where he's going.

G: Yeah, I don't- That is an interesting thought. I think- I don't know, like, you're right, Season 4 is the beginning of this Dean, which is why, like, as I said, a lot of my reminiscing was like, Season 1-3. I mean, to be fair, Sam also is like- this is the beginning of Sam being something else. Like, his attitude towards the later half of the show is very much informed by all of the experiences of this season. So the differences with Dean, we don't see it happen on screen. Like, the thing that changes him. We don't see it happen necessarily on screen, while, you know, the entire season is dedicated to what happens to Sam. So.

M: Yeah, that's true. And it's ironic, too, because Dean literally finds out that he's like, chosen by God, and I feel like this hurts Sam even more because he, out of the brothers, was like, the one openly a believer in God. And he's tried to be a good person, but because, like, he starts drinking demon blood, he's somehow seen as like, defective. And I would have to say that's a little like- I don't wanna say it's harsh, but, like, damn. He was the one who actually like, believes in the big guy upstairs. And like, Dean literally couldn't care less. Like, he does not want to do this, and it's just like, the angels are just like, "We don't care. Like, he asked for you specifically." So like, you gotta get with the program. [C and G: Yeah.]

C: In terms of Dean never talking about his feelings, I think the two moments that I recall are in "Monster Movie," he's talking to Jamie about [G: To that girl, yeah.] about how like, he went through a near-death experience and he's back now.

G: He wants to make it worth it.

C: Yeah, he wants to make it worth it. And he wants to help people through hunting. So I think you're right that he's rededicated to hunting after this. [G: Yeah.] And then in 4.15, he's talking to Tessa. [laughing] Dean can only open up to like, one-off love interest women. Like, wild.

G: Because when he opens up to Sam, I feel like it's a completely different vibe. [C: Yes.] It's like, I don't know, "This is what happened to me." [C: Yeah, and then they both sit with it.] which is like, a different thing than like, "This is how it changed me," which is his conversation with Tessa and Jamie.

C: Yeah, so Tessa is- He says something else about, you know, second chance. And then he says specifically that like, he- it's not that he feels honored, but there's a weight to like-

G: He says he just wish he died in Season 2 already, but like, because he didn't, he just has to keep on going because this is the situation now.

C: Yeah, and he says that the idea that, like, Heaven saw something good in him, despite all the torture he did in Hell, like, matters to him in that he does want to like- He does care about like, the work that's been given to him because [G: Yeah.] he was brought back by Heaven, who, like, some somehow forgave him for the torture in some way. [G: Yeah, which is truly-] But like, that's all before he finds out- Like, I guess, okay, in Season 5, I'm assuming he's gonna be processing the fact that the thing he was telling himself that like, "This is why I'm back, and so that means it's good that I'm back," like, the fact that that's a lie, he'll probably be processing that in Season 5, I assume?

G: Maybe. Maybe not. Who knows?

M: Who knows?

C: [laughs] Yeah, they don't really process in Supernatural.

G: [laughs] Exactly. I think, you know, one of the most fascinating episode sequence choices they made was putting the Tessa episode right before "On the Head of a Pin." Because, you know, Dean in that episode was like, "Oh, I'm here for a reason because God is like, you know- Like, I was saved from the torture and the torturing because God had work for me." [C: Yeah.] And then, like, "On the Head of a Pin" is like, "Oh, actually, the work is torturing someone."

C: [overlapping] [laughing] "We have work, and the work is do more torture!" Yeah.

G: Which must have sucked so hard.

C: It's true, yeah. He viewed being saved as redemption from the torture. So the fact that it's like, "Maybe we saved you 'cause we like that you did torture and we want you to do more torture" [laughs] is not a good feeling.

G: Yeah. Yeah. Do we have anything more to say about Dean? I'm gone. I feel like-

C: Well, there's his relationship with Sam that like, sours immensely this season.

G: I mean, of course. [laughs]

C: Back to Sam, baby! No, but yeah.

G: No, I was gonna say, I was gonna say, "Well, his relationship with Cas, we can talk about in the Cas part!" [laughs] But we literally can. [G: Well, we can.] Relationship between Sam and Dean. What's the situation? I don't know. You know, it's terrible right now, and mostly because of Dean.

C: Yeah. [laughs] Yeah, I agree with that one. I know some people would not, but I think it's all Dean's fault, mostly. [G: Yeah.] It's bad right away Like, he fucking punches Sam in "Metamorphosis." [G: Yeah.] Yeah.

G: I think there's also the fear that, you know, Dean was afraid of becoming a demon, and as Manika said, it was like, his biggest fear. Like, Ruby told him, like, "I'm a demon because I was human, and then I tortured in Hell," etc. and Dean was afraid that was gonna happen to him. And now Sam is here, drinking demon blood, foreseeably maybe turning into a demon, so, I don't know.

C: Yeah, I think that's probably part of it. [G: A part of it, yeah.] They just seem to have completely forgotten about that after 4.16. Like, the writers- Like, we have, like, Dean's whole, like, in 4.21, he's like, "I'm gonna continue heroically enacting medical abuse on my brother because I draw the line at him, turning into a monster." And at no point, like- You'd think the fact that, like, he did torture and like, he's ashamed of doing torture and that's like, related to demonness would come up. [G: But it never does.] Like, if you have one line how like, "I fucking wish someone like, went down in Hell and like, chained me up in a room so I couldn't torture people anymore" or some random bullshit like that, I feel that would have brought together his [both] arc a lot better than like, whatever the fuck he was doing in 4.21.

G: Yeah. Okay. Well, can we talk about Cas now? [laughs]

C: Oh, sure, yeah.

G: Yeah. So what are our thoughts on Cas? I mean, this is his beginning, so. [C: He's new.] He's new.

G: He's he's a new character. It is like, I mean, Cas's arc is actually very clearly delineated. Is that a word? Yes. But it's very clear, like, what they're trying to do, when they were doing it. I feel like there's less like, room to waver because he's new. This is like, the first time we're meeting him, and, like, you know, with Dean, it's like, he already was a complex character going into this. Sam, too. And Cas is like, well, he is, you know, he's God's angel, and now he is turning into something else! Wow. What are your thoughts on Destiel? What's your situation?

C: Wait, are we there already? [M laughs]

G: No, no, no, I'm just asking. I'm just asking.

M: I'm gonna be honest, when Cas was first introduced, I was like- I was super excited because upon watching the show from the very beginning, I had to Google, like, "When does Castiel [G: Of course, yeah.]- when is he introduced in the show?" You know, the Google says, like, "Season 4," and I was like, "Okay, bet." But I think, like, the previous episodes, of course, previous seasons did a good job in setting up the show towards the Apocalypse. So when Dean's like, you know, crawling out of the field, in the grass, and he's like, crawling his way out of Hell, it's like, "Oh, snap!" And I'm like, "Ooh, Cas is gonna come in at any minute." He comes in the first season. I'm like, "Hell, yeah." And I love Season 4 Cas because he adheres strictly to angelic doctrine. [G: Yeah.] As in like, he has, like, an unwavering commitment to what Heaven wants, and his interactions with Dean are so stoic. [G: Yes!] Like, it's so funny because Dean is a normal person.

G: Crystal has a term for it! Crystal has a term for it. He's statue-moding. [C: Yeah.] Like, he's acting like a statue in a lot of his stuff with Dean. And like, I do think that is so true, yeah.

M: Yes. I do wanna say I'm glad that Cas has stayed. I feel like with Anna, it would have been cool to see her stay, but the thing is, with like, Anna, she fell into the born sexy yesterday trope, where, because they're angels, they don't understand humans and how humans work, like, life on Earth, so they only know, like, the way Heaven works and what Heaven tells them about Earth, and the fact that, like, Anna slept with Dean-

C: She lived there for 20 years, though. She was born into a human body.

G: Yeah, she was human.

C: Sh had her like, past, her parents, and all that shit. So like, I think she had been living on Earth, experiencing it fully for 20 years.

M: We're talking about the redhead, right?

C: Yeah, yeah. [G: Anna.] [M: Okay.] Because she chose to fall from Heaven and be born human there. She had a childhood. Like, they talk about her at age 2 screaming about how she's scared that her dad will kill her. [G: Get killed by her dad, yeah.] Her God memories coming in, or whatever. But I mean, she was only 20, though, [laughs] like, in her mind at the point that she sleeps with Dean. [G: Yeah.] And I think that is kind of iffy.

G: Yeah. That is also a thing that I felt.

M: Yeah. You guys are right, you're right. I was just gonna say that like, I feel like if Anna stayed on the show, she would have fell into the born sexy yesterday trope, which is basically when, like, an alien or like, you know, a girl loses her memory, or like, they're not from Earth, and so they depend on, like, the first man they've ever met to guide them, and then they somehow see this man as also like, a love interest, so to speak, and- The earliest sample I have of it that I've seen so recently is Bella Baxter in the movie Poor Things, which is the newest movie with [with G] Emma Stone. It kind of falls into that, yeah. So I'm kind of glad that Anna wasn't really included in. I was gonna say, Castiel is like, very... enigmic? [C and G: Enigmatic.] Yeah, as a character. But I feel like if he was a woman, then he would kind of be like Anna. So I think having two characters that are kind of like, not fully there, it's kind of like, that's a little too much. One is enough, you know?

G: I do think a more direct point of what you're trying to make is like, fundamentally, because Anna is a woman, they would feel they need to make her a love interest. [M: Yes.] And that is like, you know, [laughs] Supernatural is a terrible show who handles their female characters incredibly terribly a lot of time. And like, 'cause what they did was they were like, "Okay, we're going to bring Anna in, and she's gonna be a type of character. And also, she's going to be Dean's love interest." And because the love interest didn't really particularly work, like, they didn't have much chemistry, Anna and Dean, they were like, "Okay, let's just throw away the entire character," and that is incredibly irritating to me, because, like, you're the one who dictated that all of your female characters need to be like, a love interest, or like, a mother figure, you know? Like, you're the one who made that category, that like, you know. And it's like, you're right that because Cas, well, is a guy like, there is a feeling of "he's not gonna fall into the usual tropes of whatever whatever because he's not gonna be treated like a love interest." It is just annoying because it is like, a- Like, that's Supernatural's fault, you know? Like, that's not because of Anna as a character. [M: Of course, of course.] That's because the show just deals with it so terribly. Like, me and Crystal, like, whenever Anna shows up, we talk constantly about like, "Oh, where could have they taken this character?" blah blah blah. But the thing is-

C: Do we talk about it constantly? I feel like we haven't talked about it sufficiently.

G: Really? You think so? Well, yeah, like, when we do that, it's like, "Oh, what would happen to Anna?" blah blah blah, "Where could they take this character?" But the thing is, Supernatural would just never do it because they have already set their mind on what Anna is supposed to be, and because that doesn't work, it's like, "Well, she couldn't be anything else," unlike Cas, who's like- I mean, they will try many things with Cas's character through the years. And it's like, "Oh, it doesn't work. Well, let's just bring back the blah blah. Let's just-" you know. And Supernatural, fundamentally, is a show that gives its male characters more benefit of the doubt when something doesn't work, and that is a sort of gripe for me.

C: Also, like, regarding "the love interest thing didn't work out so they threw her away," like, the thing is like, obviously the idea that, like, angels don't experience romantic or sexual attraction is like, untrue, and also, I think, like, kinda like a dumb idea to work with, but like, I feel like there was ground for them to just go like, "Angel!Anna is a new character, [G: Perspective.] and like, therefore doesn't feel the way about Dean that, like, human!Anna did. And thus, like, we don't have to put her in the love interest role anymore, and she can like, have a new role in the story," but they threw her away instead. Like, in 4.20, like, she shows up, and Dean's like, "Hey, you're looking good." And she just goes, "Not appropriate, Dean." [G: "Not the time!"] [laughs] So like, if the love interest thing didn't work out, which it didn't, they had like, a perfectly fine avenue to go like, "Well, it's no longer an option for either of them. Okay, well, now, what do we do with this character?" [G: Yeah.] But they didn't.

G: I mean, like, [laughs] many people have said this, but like, the reason why Supernatural does end up becoming like, gay is because they would only, you know- [laughs] Because it is misogynistic! I don't know. Like, they wouldn't develop any of the female characters, they wouldn't let them stay for long, and so-

C: Yeah, what happened to all the pussy on Supernatural?

G: Exactly. And it's Castiel. [laughs] Yeah. Yeah.

C: [laughs] They just had to love interest-ify him at the end because they were out of other options. But he was always- I feel like Destiel was always there. But, okay, I do wish that- He says he's expressing doubts in 4.07 already, and then, like, they just don't do anything with it, for, like, 9 episodes.

G: I feel like they do! [C: What do they do-] Okay, never mind. You're right. 9 episodes. Yes.

C: Yes. 16 minus 7, baby!

G: Yeah. I mean, I was fine with it. [C: Yeah.] I feel like it is essential for Cas's character that it is the last episode of this season that he does his turn, you know? That he gets turned around.

C: Still wish he had a better reason to get turned around in 4.16 than "Seeing Dean do torture makes me sad, 'cause I wanna fuck him," [G laughs] but oh, well.

G: Oh, well. Yeah. I feel like there's not really much to discuss about Cas yet.

C: 'Cause he talks about his feelings out loud to Dean and Anna, so there's nothing really to like, tease out. Like, we know what he thinks.

G: He's pretty clear-cut at this point, yeah. Oh, I'm so excited for Cas next season! They're going to be Team Free Will, the three of them! [C: Mm-hm.]

M: I do think it's like, great that Cas who is like, a new character in the season, did find it within himself to like, question like, "What's going on in Heaven? Why is this happening?" And in the last minute, he decides to like, help Dean to avert the Apocalypse because he's influenced by Dean. And he starts questioning like, his divine orders, and like, and they're trying to like, figure like, "What is free will? Like, what would that be like?" you know, to fight Heaven and help Dean avert the Apocalypse, it's this act of rebellion [G: Yeah.] that is very different from like, the character that we're introduced to as Castiel, and like, bringing in more complexity for his character. And it's like, the foundation of who he is, who he's going to be in the next couple of seasons. So we're just starting to see Casiel kind of like, get out of the shell. He's still, like, you know, very stoic and like, still very much, like, naive to the way of the world. But he's navigating what it means to like, have morality and like, free will, and like, what that looks like for him. And like, Season 4's just the beginning for him. [G: Yeah.]

C: Wish we knew why he didn't want the world to end, though. [G: Because there's people!] [M: Yes!] Like, I know that it's just that world ending equals bad, but like, do we see him care about people, though?

G: Because if there's anything to die for, it's this! [laughs] As Dean said.

M: He has a bond with Dean. It's literally his bond with Dean.

C: Okay, okay. I don't- is that it? [G laughs] Like, "Dean doesn't want the world to end, and so I just won't make the world end"? Because he was already doubting in 4.07!

G: Of course. You know, he's doubting, he's doubting. But here is a person that he relies on to be right about these things, and he's saying that this is the right thing to do. And I do think that means something. Like, if you're on the fence-

C: Why is he relying on Dean to be right about things? Do we see him looking towards Dean as a moral authority?

G: [overlapping] Because he's hot! I don't know. [laughs] Did you hear what I said? I said he listens to Dean because Dean is not.

C: I did hear what you said, but it's not a true statement, [G laughs] so like, I don't see how that's relevant. [laughs] But-

G: Well, I mean, I don't know. I feel like Cas-

C: Okay, what's the textual backing of him viewing Dean as a moral authority?

G: Well, I mean, it's just, you know, him being able to tell Dean that, you know, like, "I don't know what's right or wrong here" [C: Yes.] and then Dean in that moment being like, "ell, I think this is what was right and this is what was wrong." And I think in that moment, he does internalize that. Also, he always like, sets himself parallel to Dean. He's always like, [C: Yeah, "Do you swear to-"] "your dad, my dad." You know, he always does that. And so I think he does see himself, as like, you know, a mirror to Dean.

C: Well, okay. Well, why does he think that? What does he see of himself and Dean? Just the father relationship?

G: Sometimes, you just do! I think maybe the father relationship. [C: Okay, the father relationship.] Also like, just a weird admiration. Like, he went to Hell, battled his way through Hell to save this guy. [C: Yeah, under orders.] So like, there is going to be an aspect of "There is something with this guy that is special, that I did all that to get to him."

C: But, it's because he was under orders, though. So it's like, "Heaven thinks there's something special about this guy." But like, there are ways to go with like, rejecting Heaven that involve like, "Well, if Heaven thinks he's special, and I don't trust Heaven anymore, like, why should I trust him?" Like, there are different directions. You can go with that. Like, why did the direction that Cas chose- why did he choose that one?

G: I think it's just at some point, he had a profound bond with Dean. [C laughs] No, I mean, like, you know, "If it was anything- I would give anything not to have you do this." in 4.16. [C: Mm-hm.] Like, that's sincere. And it's like, at that point, Dean has ceased being an instrument of Heaven and more of like, a person that Cas has a personal connection with. Yeah, like, at the beginning of the season, like, you wouldn't imagine Cas Season 4, Episode 2 saying, "If it was something, I would give anything not to have you do this." to Dean [G: Yeah.] if he asked Dean to torture, then, because they haven't gone through anything yet together on Earth.

C: Yeah, they have been through much together, you and I.

G: Oh my god. [laughs] Yeah, crazy line still. But yeah. I think the beginning is like, "Well, that's a guy I saved, and so it's interesting that Heaven wanted me to do that, and that I went through all that stuff to do that." And then towards the end of the season, it's like, everything else that we went through together.

M: I was just gonna say that I feel like Dean is the only person that Cas has had, like, a true connection with. [G: Yeah.] 'Cause all the ages are very much the same. They're all very stoic. They're all kind of like, to the point. They're all very matter-of-fact, they only do what Heaven tells them to do, and he hasn't been exposed to any kind of vulnerability until he met Dean. So I feel like with Dean, he just really moved him. [C: I think-]

G: I mean, he has a connection with Uriel and Anna. I do think that is something.

M: I mean, I think that's a different connection, but yeah.

G: Because with Uriel, I think Uriel is asking something different of him than what Dean was asking. Anna was asking something similar, but Ana was already painted as like, automatically bad [C: Right, fallen.] by virtue to because she is fallen. And I think Dean straddles that line of like, asking Cas the thing that appeals to Cas the most and, again, like, being like, "good" in Cas's head, because "I went through all that trouble to save you."

C: Yeah, I do think that a component of Cas's connection to Dean that I haven't thought about that much earlier is the fact that, like, this is happening at the same time as like, Cas's other relationships deteriorating. [G: Yeah, you're right. His entire garrison got killed.]

C: He had his garrison, they were his family. But then, like, yeah, first, like, Anna chooses to fall to Earth, and like, [M: Yeah.] she's gone. And he's been like, working with her, and like, she's been his sister for like, thousands and thousands of years, so like, that had to have shaken him up at first, and also probably made him think about Earth and humanity [G: Yeah.] a little differently. Just the fact that she chose to do that at all. And then members of his garrison keep getting killed off, like, weekly because of the Apocalypse. [G: Going to Hell-] And then, like, he's in charge of his garrison and shit now. [G: Yeah.] He's in charge of it now, and then he gets demoted [G: The Uriel thing happens.] and then the Uriel thing happens, where someone he's trusted for thousands of years, but who has differing thoughts on humanity than him, [G: Yeah.] turns out to have been betraying everyone the whole time and being like, the cause of the like, many other deaths in their garrison. Like, 7, was it? Like, that week, or something?

G: Yeah. I mean, his social life was dying also. Also, his corporate life was dying. He did get demoted. So I get it. [all laugh]

C: Yeah, no. This is like, a time where he would overprioritize his connection to Dean in his head because it's the only thing he has during this time of instability for him.

G: Yeah, I mean, we've discussed this one with the line, like, "We've been through much together, you and I." because, like-

C: Yeah, we were like, "He hasn't." But like, maybe to Cas, yeah.

G: To Cas, it does mean like, a lot. Like, this is a lot for him. Well, I think that's all for Cas.

C: Wait, I'm still curious about his feelings about humanity because we get like, bits of it in 4.07, and then we don't later. I want to know more.

G: I think Cas and humanity is a situation that will happen more in 5 and 6, specifically. I think those seasons have a more of a focus on that because Cas just interacts with more humans. [C: Right.] Like, which humans does Cas interact with here. Sam, sometimes, [C: Sam and Dean.] and Dean, mostly. So like, I feel like Cas's actions towards humanity is less-

C: [laughing] Well, he had to imitate Bobby's voice on the phone in 4.15. [G: This is true!] He and Bobby could be making out sloppy in that junkyard every day. [G laughs] We don't know.

G: This is true. Well, yeah.

C: 'Cause currently, he likes humans in the abstract, as he says, to like, Uriel, "It's blasphemous to call humans mud monkeys" or whatever, yeah.

G: 'Cause they're God's creations.

C: Yeah, 'cause they're God's creations. But as his relationship to God like, becomes more and more tenuous, I'm curious about like, the new reasons he'll have for loving humanity.

G: Yeah, at this point, Cas is still like, "Heaven wants to kill all humans or whatever, but God doesn't." Like, that's still his perspective, really. [C: Just like Aziraphale.] Yes, it's true. He goes into Season 5 thinking this, so yeah, that's the situation. [C: Mm, yeah.]

G: Well, let's do fave eps. Manika said something about "Yellow Fever." Is that your fav ep, or is that just an ep that you just like?

M: I do like "Yellow Fever." I like it. I like "Yellow Fever." I don't know if it's my favorite. I mean, you're gonna have to come back to me on that, because I'm not sure if I know my favorite quite yet.

G: Okay, do you have a least favorite? [laughs] I feel like a lot of times that's easier to say.

M: A least favorite?

G: I have one, actually, like, at the cuff. It's "Wishful Thinking." It's so bad.

C: [laughing] Oh god, it's so bad! It's so bad! Take it out. Get rid of it.

G: Do you even remember this, Manika? Like- [laughs]

M: I do. The bear. The bear.

G: Yes, the bear. Oh, the bear was fine. The bear was fine.

C: The bear, that was silly, goofy, [G: Yeah, it's wonderful.] I love the child actor that they got for Audrey. That was fine.

G: The rest of the episode was horrible! [C: Frowing up.] I don't know. What other terrible episodes are there? "Monster Movie" was a little bit bad.

C: Wait, should we say why we hate "Wishful Thinking," or will the audience just understand?

G: Well, why do we hate it?

C: Okay, well, I think there's two things. The first thing is like, the misogyny and horror in like, the storyline of- What's her name? Hope? Like, the woman who's married to the guy who initiated the first wish. [G: Yeah.] And the second one was just the ideological and consistency about why making the wishes is bad and then [laughs] Sam literally saying- what? That like, what makes life life is that you don't get what you want, and you're miserable forever, and that's good? [G laughs]

G: Yeah. No, I mean, I think the main complaint really is for me the whole like, Hope situation, and also the fact that they focus on [both] the guy's feelings. "Oh my god! It's so sad that she's not in love with me anymore after the spell that made her in love with me was gone!"

C: Like, you ruined her life. [G: Yeah.] You made a wish, hoping it would come true, that she would ditch her family, ditch her friends, ditch her job, come live with you, do nothing but please you and make you roast chicken and then offer sex to you whenever you felt bad. And like, now she's gonna like, come back to reality with the memories of like, all that happening, and like, the horror of that, and have to rebuild her life from scratch after being essentially mind-controlled for a month.

G: Yeah. And like, I think, "Wishful Thinking" really cements to me who, I suppose, who Supernatural thinks is watching the show. [C: Men.] Yeah, men. [M: Yup.] And, I mean, it's very obvious from a lot of episodes of Supernatural. But this is the one where it's like, "Oh, okay." It's not even that they think men are the primary watcher. It's that they think men are the only ones watching, or like, they are the only ones watching that we [C: Care about.] are obligated to or even care about catering to. So yeah, that was a bit of a "Oh, okay. Well, that's horrible."

C: And I talk about it in the episode for it, but like, this is a Ben Edlund problem because I think the moment that I had that feeling was in Season 2 with "Simon Said," [G: Yeah.] where like- Is her name Tracy? [G: I forgot.] Okay, there's like, this woman that- what's that guy? Is his name Andy? [G: Andy mind controls-] No, no, Ansem Weems is the one who mind controls her. [G: Twin.] Okay, yeah. Andy's twin is like, an awful guy who, like, mind-controls women to rape them, and then like, makes them like, jump off of a bridge and kill themselves after or whatever the fuck. [G: Yeah.] This woman is also the love interest of Andy, his brother. And then, at the end of the episode, like, once she's been rescued like, she's like, in the ambulance and shivering and stuff. Like, she's been through like, the worst thing ever. And then Andy approaches her, and she like, is scared of him because she knows that he has mind control powers [G: As well, yeah.] like his brother. And the episode ends on his face looking sad that she rejected him in this moment of like, absolute horror and trauma for her. And that is also a Ben Edlund episode. [G: Yeah.] I don't know, this guy just has a thing where he's like, "I'm gonna make women like, the victims in this episode, but like, in a way where like, it only matters [G: Yeah.] because this causes them to reject the men that you're supposed to feel bad for in the episode."

M: Oh yeah, that episode was really bad! [C: Mm-hm.]

G: Yeah, I mean, so many episodes of Supernatural are like this. [laughs] I mean, yeah. But also, Ben Edlund, specifically, [C, laughing: Is like this.] you go into his episodes, and, like, he has good episodes. This is true. "On the Head of a Pin" is his, right?

M: He did "Mystery Spot" and "Changing Channels," too. [C: Those are fun.]

G: Did he? He also did "The Man Who Would Be King," his most iconic one. [C: Oh, yeah, yeah.] But like, lot of the times, you go into his episodes like, "I hope he doesn't write women this episode." [C and G laugh]

M: He also did the Cupid episode, too.

C: Oh, "My Dirty Valentine." [G: Yeah.] He does have a lot of bangers [G: Iconic ones, yeah.], but he's really bad about women. [laughs] [M: Yes.]

G: Yeah. There's also ones where it's like, "Well, that's horrible," yeah.

C: So yeah, I agree. "Wishful Thinking" is the worst one.

G: Manika, do you have a worst one of Season 4?

M: I would have to say- of Season 4? [G: Yes.] In my opinion, I think "Monster Movie." [G: Mm, yeah.]

C: I didn't like "Monster Movie." Because now that I've read Dracula, like, what the fuck are they on about in that one? [G laughs] That is not what happens in Dracula.

G: That is also Ben Edlund! Yeah.

M: Yeah, that's why it's my least favorite.

G: You know what? I would do an honorary mention to- what is that? "Family Remains"? [C laughs] Kinda bad. [C: It wasn't very good.] It's not as egregious. I don't think it's that bad, it's just also not good at all. [laughs] I mean, it's an interesting concept. It's just, I feel like the whole family moral that they had at the end where it's like, "It's fine that the dog died and that also the uncle died because the nuclear family is fine!" was a bit crazy.

C: Yeah. And they just witnessed their dog's throat slit and their uncle impaled in front of them, but it's fine. They're hugging each other.

G: Yeah. Well, okay. Best episode? Favorite. Well, not best. Favorite episode? What's that.

C: I'd say 4.21, even though it's also so awful.

G: It's a lot of thought. Like, you think about it a lot, I think.

C: Yeah. All the Sam hallucinations, besides, like, the useless Alastair one, were like, well-written, well-acted, brought together a lot of things that like, I was like, "Why aren't they talking about this this season?" Like, I feel like it was a really good conclusion to the Sam arc that they had for the season.

G: Okay, my answer would be "Lazarus Rising," but I feel like we shouldn't add "Lazarus Rising" in the mix just because, well, I mean, obviously. But for me, I think "It's a Terrible Life" is the best episode this season. [C: Mm.]

M: Oh, "It's a Terrible Life"'s a good one.

G: I love it! I love it. Lots to say, but I think it's good.

C: Huh. We have two Sera Gambles as the favorites so far.

G: Well, I mean, I think "It's a Terrible Life" is like, I do feel sad that it doesn't inform a lot of the future decisions Sam and Dean make. [C: Yeah.] Like, it feels very isolated, right? Like, it's a big episode. Like, Zachariah is revealed here.

C: It should be a big deal. 4.19 should also be a big deal, but it isn't.

G: But like, they don't really reckon with what they learn here, to the point where sometimes I'm like, "Do they even remember that? Like, did they forget?" But yeah, I think it's so wonderful, and I do think, like, viewing the rest of the season with the lens of what happened in "It's a Terrible Life" is like, an effective way to view it, you know? Manika, have you figured out your favorite episode?

M: Yes, I have. [G: Let's hear it.] My favorite episode is "On the Head of a Pin." [C: Good point, yeah.] [G: Yeah.] Yeah. 'Cause I just like that it goes a little bit deeper into Castiel's character, and then, like, he really has to like, think about his loyalty to Heaven, and he has to confront, like, the brutality that it would take to win a war against Hell. [G: Yeah.] So yeah, it also, like, I feel like "On the Head of a Pin," I don't know if I'm gonna regret saying this, but it really is like, kind of like, the start of the Destiel storyline. [C: Yeah.] Because the complexity-

G: I agree, yes. [M: Yeah.]

C: I think "I would give anything to have you not do this" is like-

G: Well, it's crazy! [M laughs]

C: - the first moment anyone would be like, "Wait a second. This goes deep."

M: Yeah, yeah. That's more than just like, a plea. That's like, "Okay, that's a little desperate." [C and G laugh]

G: I mean, I think "On the Head of a Pin" is like, it is the first episode in this season that, like, starts with angels in the like, teaser portion of the episode, you know? Like, before the splash screen, it was Cas. Like, Cas, was the opening of this episode. And, like, you know, I think, that sets the tone of what the episode would be, which is, it's bigger than Sam and Dean. Like, it's not about them. And like, I like that. I like that. [M: Right, right.] Yeah. Should we talk about Destiel? I feel like we should. Or shouldn't we? [laughs]

C: We could talk about Destiel. Though, okay, wait, there's something that I forgot to mention when we were talking about the Cas arc that probably doesn't matter, but I think the contrast between Cas's absolute coldness towards the Novak family in 4.20, and then him turning around and deciding to save the world and humanity is something that I wish they'd smoothed over a little bit. [G: Yeah.] And I know he was just recently brainwashed by Heaven, so that's probably part of it. But like, I feel like 4.20 could have been a really good opportunity to show like, "Okay, when Cas first possessed Jimmy, like, he traumatized Claire for life by going, 'I'm not your father' and then fucking off forever. But like, maybe now that he's had more time on earth, he's talked to Dean, like, he's learned to care about humanity more." Like, maybe when he repossesses Jimmy and leaves Amelia and Claire, like, just like, one word of comfort, or like, one look or something, and it would like, show that he's changed as a person, in like, how he cares about people, and like, that would be a better lead-in to him like, deciding not to end the world in 4.22. [G: Yeah. Yeah, you're right.] But we don't get that, and I feel like that could have probably fixed most of my issues with the Cas arc in Season 4,

G: 4.20 Cas is like, I don't know. He's like, he DGAF. [C: Yeah.] He absolutely does not care about the Novaks. And then, you know, we go to 4.21, and he's looking at Dean in that crazy scene like, "Oh my god, Dean, I'm saurr sad." [C laughs] And it's like, it is a bit like, of a jarring thing if you- especially if you like, are watching for the Cas. [C: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.] It's like, "Oh, what the Hell?"

C: Yeah. I also just find, like, "He didn't end the world because he wanted to fuck that one guy" [laughs] as like, not a particularly interesting idea to me.

G: Well, I think it's so interesting. [C and G laugh] I think it's so funny.

C: Anything that points to him having larger values around the sanctity of life or whatever the fuck, I would like.

G: I mean, as I said in our 4.22 episode, like, I don't want to overstate how much Dean influenced Cas to stop the Apocalypse, but I also don't want to understate it. [C: Yeah, yeah. It matters.] Like, it does matter. It's not the only thing that matters, but it does. [C: It's a main thing, yeah.] Yeah. But yeah. I think our next part is- well, Crystal, you're supposed to discuss the thing. [M laughs]

C: Wait, what thing?

G: Like, where's the fucking spreadsheets, right?

C: Oh, is that now? Okay. But you said, "Should we talk about Destiel?" and then we didn't talk about Destiel.

G: You're right! Well, do we have anything to say about Destiel? I mean, like, for me, honestly-

C: They do want to fuck each other. It is true. I did see it on my screen, how they wanted to fuck each other. I don't know that they're romantically into each other yet, but they do want to fuck each other.

G: I think I am just surprised that- 'Cause, you know, when you're in the fandom a lot, you interface with Destiel a lot, so there is a tendency to be like-

C: Yeah, "Maybe you're overstating it" or whatever.

G: Yeah, like, we are in a community where we are engaging with it in this way, so of course we're going to, you know? But seeing the show and the Destiel scenes with the context of the show, it's like, "No, it is real. Like, it is happening on my screen." And it is a bit of a shock, even if I knew it was gonna be there that it was really there, the intensity that it was in. So that's all I have to say, really.

C: Manika, do you have Season 4 Destiel thoughts?

M: All I have to say is that they tried to tell them that it wasn't happening, and girl, [C: It was.] the one thing that they don't do is look back at the source! Because if it's one thing [claps], the Supernatural fans will do, [claps] is they will revisit. [C: Yeah.] They revisit, okay? They will cite their sources. Alright, you put it in the show. You wrote the show. [C laughs] Lots of people who were writing on Season 4 were still writing on the show [G: That's true, yeah.] until Season 10, Season 11, and those same people would go into conventions and laugh or chuckle at the even mention of Destiel. [C laughs] I am a firm believer that like, maybe you shouldn't bring up ships around actors 'cause they could feel uncomfortable. But you couldn't tell us it wasn't happening because you wrote the show. [G: Yeah.] You wrote the line, sir! We're not dumb!

C: Okay, do we think it was an acting or a writing thing that carried Destiel in Season 4? Like, do you think that there's a character that could have the same lines that Cas has-

G: [laughs] I mean, here's my hot take. I think it's the directing. [laughing] I think Robert Singer did this! [C laughs]

C: The blocking? Honestly, yeah, I'm on your side with that one, yeah.

G: Like, I think it's just like, this is where they stand. This is how they-

C: They didn't have to stand that close. Robert Singer was like, "Few inches closer. Go."

G: [laughs] No, yeah. Like, a lot of the times when we talk about Destiel in Season 4 specifically, it's about the blockings. It's about the vibe of the scene, how the scene looks in comparison to other scenes in the show of the season. Like, something I say a lot about Season 4 Destiel is like, a lot of it is so quiet. A lot of it like, happens at night, in the privacy of anything else. And the reason why is because they're trying to make Cas mysterious and, like, you know, specifically like, mysterious and talking to Dean. But the way it comes off is like- I don't even know. Like, they're just hanging out.

C: Yeah. At night, in the dark, standing very close to each other.

C: Okay, so I guess let's start with the tab on the spreadsheet that I call "Writer Sins" [laughs], which is our misogyny, racism, and homophobia stats. So under misogyny, the episode we ranked as the most misogynistic was "Lucifer Rising," written by and directed by Eric Kripke, which we gave 4 misogyny points for-

G: Really? Because it ends the Ruby story? Is that why?

C: Yeah, 'cause it's the way that it ends the Ruby story. And you also had an especial aversion to the [G: Oh, the nuns.] the way that the nuns were killed in that episode. [G: Yeah.] Following that, there are three episodes that got 3 misogyny points, and those are "Monster Movie," [G: Hell yeah.] "Wishful Thinking," [G: Hell yeah.] and "The Monster at the End of This Book." So yeah.

G: Yeah. I can't believe we put "Wishful Thinking" at three! We should've got that higher, but oh well.

C: We should have. We should have put it higher. I think I think we got more liberal with our points after we came back from RubbishPod because we weren't as inundated in the Supernatural bullshit.

G: Yeah, yeah, you're right. We're just used to it.

C: So under racism, the episode we ranked as the most racist was "On the Head of a Pin" by Ben Edlund, which is 'cause it concludes the Uriel arc, I believe, [G: Yeah.] so that got 3 points. And then the other, [laughs] second most racist episode [G, laughing: It's so funny.] was "Heaven and Hell," which had 2 points, and I think that's also because the way they treated Uriel as a character.

G: And Ruby's-

C: Right, and also when Ruby possessed a Black maid and the director's choice [G: The way that was directed was-] Yeah.

M: Oh, that was weird.

G: It was very odd, yeah.

C: They were like, "Suddenly, she is sassy in a new way." And it's like, "Interesting. Why is that?"

G: Yeah, like, Ruby has been in two- three vessels at that point, right? And it's like, "Well, why is this the only one that's different? What's that about?"

C: Yeah. And then for homophobia, obviously, our winner winner chicken dinner is [with G] "It's a Terrible Life" by Sera Gamble.

G: [laughing] I love it!

C: Love it, love it. [laughs] 'Cause the whole thing was like, "Wouldn't it be gay if you had a job in an office?"

G: "Wouldn't it be funny if it was gay?" yeah.

C: Yeah, yeah. And after that, we don't have a 4 points of homophobia. We don't have a 3 point homophobia. The next one is a 2-point homophobia on "Criss Angel is a Douchebag" by Julie Siege because of, I think, the way that the magicians were reacting to the new one, Jeb or whatever.

G: But they were also gay.

C: Yeah, I mean, we know in our hearts that they were also in a polycule. : Oh, and also, The fucking Chief! [laughs] I forgot about The Chief! [G: Oh my god, yeah!] That's probably why.

G: You haven't been had [overlapping with C] until you've been had by The Chief.

C: Love that. And then, if we just added up everything, like, [G: Per writer?] the worst in terms of social ills was "Lucifer Rising," which we gave 5 total points. Also, not one of our categories, but of course we gave 4.21 5 points for ableism [G laughs] for the way they treated Sam's addiction. [G: Horrible.] So it is also pretty bad. In terms of writers themselves, this is a fun season because there's no one-off writers like, at all. [G: Yeah.] In Season 3, we still had guest writers. In Season 4, it's like, the team. [G: Yeah.] Eric Kripke, Sera Gamble, Jeremy Carver, Kathryn Humphrys, Ben Edlund, the Dabb-Loflin duo, which will become a Dabb solo thing eventually, right? And Julie Siege.

G: Eventually, but still a long time from now.

C: Yeah. For our writers, our most misogynistic writer is Eric Kripke, who had an average of 2 2/3 misogyny per episode over his 3 episodes. He is also our most racist writer, [C and G laugh] with 1 1/3 average racism points per episode.

M: Lord. Lord, if you guys- [C laughs] [C: Yeah?] I just wanna speak on that real quick. [C: Yeah. Yes.] I feel like that hasn't changed.

G: The Boys?

M: Yeah. [C: Oh, tell me more.] Because if you look at the recent casting for The Boys, and like, they're adding like, two women to the cast, and one's a Black woman, one's a white woman. And they're supposed to be like, the new antagonists. So now I'm sitting here like, "Okay." If you don't know anything about The Boys, if you haven't been watching it, I'm like, "Okay, so, you really setting us up [C and G laugh] to do this, and yet Homelander will still live? Is that it? Like, what's it gonna take? Hello?"

C: Yeah, I haven't seen The Boys. Who's Homelander?

G: It's a main character, right? Or am I completely lying.

M: Homelander- Yeah, he is one of the main characters.

C: I thought the main character was an Asian woman?

M: So, there is an Asian woman in the show, [C: Okay.] [G: I love her.] and she is one of the main characters, but she also doesn't talk, you know, fulfilling the silent Asian trope, which we love. But Homelander is also like, the main antagonist, who for some reason doesn't die, and for some reason hasn't been killed yet. And if you've seen the meme of that one guy-

G: Of that guy, like, looking around and like, smiling, kinda. Is it that one?

M: Yeah, that's a Homelander.

C: I don't think I've seen this meme. Or the description-

G: I'll send it to you at some point, don't worry about it. [C: Okay.] And you will recognize it immediately.

C: Mm-hm. In terms of homophobia, our most homophobic writer is, of course, [with G] Sera Gamble! Because of what happened in "It's a Terrible Life". So she has an average of one homophobia point per her 4 episodes. But that's just 'cause we gave her 4 points at one time. [G, laughing: Love that.] So for like, totals, Eric Kripke is the worst, an average of 4 writer sins per episode, which means that he committed 12 throughout the season, which is quite a few. And then runner-ups for worst writers in terms of social ills are Ben Edlund, average of 3 1/3 points total for his 3 episodes, and then Julie Siege, who had an average of 2 2/3 points for her 3 episodes. So yeah. [G: Love that.] That is the state of things. Huh, if we want to have a comparative look between seasons 4 and 3, there are more points in Season 4 than Season 3. [G: But Season 3 is so short.] Like, our worst writer in Season 3- Well, this is averages. Our worst overall writer in Season 3 was Ben Edlund, who had 2 2/3 average points per episode. So comparing to the 4 points max in Season 4 with Eric Kripke, either we've gotten looser with our points-giving or they've gotten worse as people. [laughs]

G: Okay, IMDb. Did I win? Did I lose? What's the situation?

C: You lost. [laughs]

G: Are you serious?

C: You lost.

G: That's so sad!

C: I know. This never happens.

G: Wait, I'm going to go to our doc right now- This is so horrible! Well, why did I lose? What's the situation?

C: Okay so, why did you lose? I guess for the two of us, we each only guessed one episode correctly for the IMDb score. I guessed "The Rapture" correctly, and you guessed "Monster at the End of This Book" correctly. [G: Yeah.] For our most off guesses, for "In the Beginning" you guessed it was an 8.4 on IMDb. It is a 9.2, so I think that did a lot of damage to you. [G: Yeah.] You also, guessed "Metamorphosis" a lot higher, you guessed "Great Pumpkin" a lot higher, same with "Criss Angel," and then you guessed "Heaven and Hell" a lot lower. So I feel like those were the main hits that you took. I was 0.7 points off on "Metamorphosis"; I thought it was ranked higher than it was, and I also thought that "Criss Angel" was more beloved and that "Yellow Fever" was less beloved, so those were my major points off. [G: Yeah.] But basically, your absolute difference, on average, from the IMDb score was 0.332 and mine was 0.314, so I was closer [G laughs] than you were by a smidgen, [G: Boo.] though really, the real winner of the season was Danica, who only guessed on one episode, "Lazarus Rising" and was off by 0.2. [G laughs] So her average offness is 0.2 points, which is a lot better than both of ours.

G: I love it! Yeah. [C: But yeah.] What is the surprise episode here? I think "When the Leevee Breaks-" "When the Levee Breaks" where I'm like, "That is low. I thought it would be higher."

C: That's true. That's also a surprise episode, both of us guessed it to be at least 0.5 higher than what IMDb gave it. In terms of how each of the writers fared on IMDb, Eric Kripke was the most beloved, 9.17 average IMDb score. But that's just because he gives himself like, the finale and the first episodes and shit. And then, after that, Ben Edlund had an 8.7 av, Dabb and Lofflin, 8.63, and then Jeremy Carver, 8.6, and then Sera Gamble and Julie Siege had the worst IMDb scores with an 8.55 for Gamble and an 8.5 for Siege.

G: That's not true!

C: Oh, no, sorry! The worst, I forgot, so bad I forgot about her, [G, laughing: You're so mean!] was Cathryn Humphrys, 8.2.

G: No, but like, I think "Metamorphosis" was good. It was just not rated high.

C: Yeah, it just was not rated high. "Sex and Violence" was not very good-

G: "Sex and Violence" was interesting. It's also just not rated high.

C: It was not very good.

G: Okay, so, for our final bit, we need to rank Season 4 in comparison to all the other season. So currently, our ranking is 1, 2, 3. [C: Right, yeah.] Where's Season 4? Do we think- I think Season 4 is better than 2 and 3, for sure. Do we think it's better than Season 1?

C: It's been so long. Like, I don't know.

G: Honestly, I think Season 1 is better.

C: Than Season 4? Okay. [G: Yeah.] I am inclined to rate Season 4 higher just because I don't remember Season 1 so good, and also, it had like, [laughs] "Bugs" and the racist truck and all that shit in it. Like, I feel like there were probably some real clunkers in Season 1. [G: Okay.] There were also some real clunkers in Season 4, though, so I don't know.

G: I think we shouldn't think of it as individuals. We should think of it as a whole. Is Season 4 as a whole better than Season 1 as a whole? And I think Season 1's better.

C: When I think of Season 1 as a whole, like, I'm thinking about like, "bad moon rising," the fic. I don't know what Season 1 is outside of the concepts of "bad moon rising" the fic, so, I don't know. [G laughs] I'm just gonna put Season 4 higher for now. I don't know. I don't know. I mean... No, I miss Meg. I miss Meg. No, [laughs] Season 1's better.

G: Wait. I wanna hear what Manika is going to say about this. [C: Okay.] Do you think Season 1 or 4 is better?

M: Season 4 is definitely better. [C: Okay.] [G gasps] It's found its footing, it's better writing, the characters are finally, like, being introduced to higher stakes. [G: Yeah.] There's more to lose. There's a lot more that we have to like, deal with, and there are new characters being introduced, so we don't know who's gonna last, we don't know who's gonna, you know, be in Season 5, who's gonna be written off, essentially. So Season 4 is definitely better. 'Cause Season 1 is literally like, the starting off point where they're doing just like, [G: Whatever, yeah. They're just doing whatever.] monster of week and trying to find their dad. Yeah. Season 4 is really when Supernatural [clapping] hits the ground running. Season 4 is definitely better.

G: I think that's true if we're talking about the plot. Like, the plot does get better in Season 4. This is true. 'Cause in Season 1, they really were just fucking around.

C: Yeah, they were fucking around, occasionally thinking about their dad

G: I think Season 1, vibes-wise... I don't know! Like, I mean, on one hand, Season 4 is where Cas shows up, so that is important to me in that way. But Season 1, I feel like, it's like, Season 1 Sam and Dean, I like them the most. [laughs] What do you think? Honestly-

C: I'm being swayed by Manika a little bit. [G: Well.] Yeah, like, the monster of the week format in Season 1 is kind of tiring.

G: No, the thing is, when we were watching Season 1, we hated it. [C laughs] [C: Yeah.] But it's like, a good season to look back on, [laughs] if you're not rewatching it. Okay.

C: Right. So it's only good in the mind and not on the screen?

G: [laughing] Okay, I think maybe we should put Season 4 up because I did just say that Season 1 is bad on screen. [C laughs]

C: I mean, I also think Season 4 is bad on screen. [C and G laughing] Like, this isn't like a "Both are so good, I'm trying to figure it out." This is like a "Which one can I tolerate more?" thing to me.

G: Honestly, I think it's just because Season 4 is sad. Season 4 is a sad season, especially if you're watching it from the Sam perspective. It's very-

C: We were crying, like, every other week in Season 1, and like, we barely cried in Season 4.

G: Well that's because we were really into it! That's true.

C: So there has to be a reason we were crying so much.

G: It's because it was effective. It's because, as I said-

C: So Season 4 isn't effective?

G: No, Season 4 is effective in what it's trying to do, and it's trying to do plot. [C: Right.] Season 1 is effective in what it's trying to do, and it's trying to do character, I think.

C: Okay. Well.

G: Well? What if we just put them side by side? What do you think? What do you think?

C: Seems like the coward's way out to me. [G laughs]

G: This is true. We're just like John Winchester for real. Well, I'll put Season 1 above. Yeah, that's my final answer.

C: For the sake of equality, I'll put Season 4 above.

G: No! Wait, we're going to have different rankings?

C: Oh, wait, was there a requirement for us to come to a BABPod consensus on this?

G: Yes. [C: Okay.] But, I mean, it's because we had a consensus in 1, 2, and 3. So we can have like, a "we're splitting off" in Season 4, just like Sam and Dean [C: Just like Sam and Dean!] in Season 5. [laughs] Yeah.

C: I still don't even know if I believe it, though. 'Cause Season 1 is so- I think of Season 1 so fondly in my mind [G: I do.], but I think that's just 'cause I haven't watched it for like, a year. [laughs] More than a year.

G: I think- yeah. [laughing] And see? Back disagreeing. Well, let's just separate. Let's tread different paths.

C: Okay, okay. Manika, you said that Season 3 is sort of like, your fave, though, right?

M: I like Season 3 just because it's fun. But Season 4, arguably, is the best.

C: Got it. Okay, so our ranking- Well, my ranking right now is Season 4, then 1, then 2, then 3. Grey's is 1, 4, 2, 3. What are your rankings for the first four seasons of Supernatural?

M: I would probably say, if I had to rank them, it would be 4, 3, 1, and 2. [C: Mm.]

G: 4, 3, 1, and 2. [M: Yeah.] That's fascinating. You really like Season 3.

M: Yeah, I do! I mean, I feel like Season 3 has the most like, fun, meta episodes, and ir doesn't really take itself too seriously. But also, like, it was in the middle of the '07 writer's strike and only has 16 episodes, so they were just kinda doing whatever. [C and G: Yeah.]

C: I do think that like, "Ghostchasers-" or no. It's "Ghostfacers"? Yeah. [M: "Ghostfacers," yeah.] I think that "Ghostfacers" and like, "Mystery Spot" are definitely a good, fun time. I think that the last few episodes of Season 3 were quite underwhelming, and that's probably what caused us to dislike it so much by the end. But I mean, like, Bela was there. Like, that was fun. [G: Yeah.] Wait, why don't you like Season 2?

G: I mean, it's nothing against Season 2 or anything like that, you know. Like, let me ask you, what did you think of Season 2? And I'll give you my answer.

G: Horrible! We hated it.

C: Yeah, I felt pretty annoyed during a lot of it. I feel like they just did a bad job with the overarching plot, I think, where they just completely dropped the psychic kids thing-

G: It was really good when it started.

C: Yeah, yeah, like, 2.01 was a banger. We hated 2.02 because of the ableism.

G: Actually, it was also really good when it ended, I feel like. [M: Hm.] [C: Was it?] So why did we not like it? [laughs]

C: Was it good when it ended? [G: AHBL?] How good was AHBL, though? Like, did we like it that much? I mean, they treat Jake horribly. That's like, the main thing I remember about it.

G: I mean, I don't know. But again, Supernatural is very much a show where it's good in retrospect. So like, now that we're thinking about it, it's like, "OMG, it was real good. Like, what did we not like about it?"

C: I mean, is it? Was it real good? Like, I remember "Simon Said," which I did not like. 2.01 was really good. AHBL, like, the main things I remember about that are like, being mean to Jake and then John Winchester rising from Hell [G laughs], clapping Dean on the shoulder, and then disappearing into Heaven. [G: Yeah.] I think I liked Jo and "No Exit," like, her presence, and, like, Ellen's presence was something good in Season 2. But I was frustrated that they didn't develop the overarching plot very well.

G: Yeah. Season 2, like, everything just entered, like, at the end. There was no buildup in the middle of the season. But I would say that it's kind of like, again, the vibes situation. Like, I like the vibe of like, "Sam and Dean are here, and their dad just died, and they're trying to find their way around the world with that." And I think Sam's character arc that season was interesting, of like, "I hate Dad!" And then, like, he dies, and it's like, "Well, he was right, probably." And Dean's, you know, experiencing the opposite of that arc, and I was really into that.

M: Yeah. I feel that. I think the reason why I'm not a huge fan of Season 2, 'cause if I have to put it up against the fourth seasons, I'm just gonna say Season 2 is maybe not like- I don't wanna say it's bad [G: But it's weak, yeah.] but it's a little weaker, you know? They introduce the chase for Azazel, and that's interesting. And then they bring in Bobby, who I love. And then there's like, the complex prophecy behind Sam's destiny leaking into like, other children with special abilities. Like, you mentioned, there's an episode where, like, the brother- That's in Season 2, right? Where the brother has the mind control. [C: Yeah.] That's also the same season. So Season 2 is kind of like, trying to continue on with Season 1, but they can't really do monster of the week because you're still introducing new things, you're trying to follow, like, a storyline, and there's supposed to be like, something we're chasing at the end of the season, all this other stuff. So I think that Season 2 is really when Supernatural is trying to build something more [G: Yeah.] out of what the show really is, and they're just first finding their footing. So it's just kind of like, the first start. The first step, I guess I would say.

G: It feels a little bit like a bridge season, I understand.

M: Almost, yeah.

G: I think that's how I feel about Season 3 more, and that's why I didn't like it as much. But yeah, I mean, I don't think you can blame that necessarily on Season 3 due to the circumstances in which it was created, you know?

C: Yeah, yeah. Yeah, you're right. Season 3, I didn't like it very much because it's just like, the season where they try to prevent Dean from going to Hell, but I know he's going to Hell anyway.

G: Yeah, I feel like it would be much more effective if you didn't know that, you know. Like, if you're like, "Oh my god, he really does go to Hell at the end? What the hell?" So yeah. [C: You're right.]

So that’s it for this episode of Busty Asian Beauties. Next week, we will be, I don't know, like- [C: 5.01?] Well, we will be doing Season 5, Episode 1. What's that called? Whatever it's called. [laughs] What is it called? 5.01...

C: It's "Sympathy for the Devil."

G: Yeah, well, we're doing that. But before we leave, Manika, do you wanna tell the audience where to find you, how to contact you- "contact you" [laughs], but yeah.

M: Yeah! Yeah! You guys could find me- you can look up my podcast I've Been Meaning to Watch That, and you can listen to it wherever you listen to your podcasts. You can find my podcast, you know, where you listen to podcasts, you can follow us on TikTok. Definitely check out our YouTube 'cause we upload highlights, like, at least twice or three times a week, and we have a full video version of the podcast up every Monday afternoon. And you can find me on TikTok at my first name 3000 [@manika3000] and follow me on there 'cause I like to talk about movies and TV shows and do analysis on TikTok. And that's about it. Thank you so much for having me on, guys. This was really great.

G: Yeah! Thank you so much for coming here!

C: Yeah! It was so good having you, yeah! [G: Yeah!] [M: Yes!]

Follow us on social media! We are on Tumblr at bustyasianbeautiespod.tumblr.com. Our official tag is #BABPod, B-A-B-POD. Thanks to everyone who's donated to our Ko-Fi at ko-fi.com/bustyasianbeautiespod, and check out our merch at babpod.redbubble.com.

G: Yeah. You can email us at [email protected]. See you guys next time! [C and G] Bye!

[guitar music]

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pureimaginefic · 5 months

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Harry's Best Bits

"Well you definitely have a great look" he said "Oh god, wow, I'm sorry" he said nervously.- It's A Love Story

“Come on, Adam’s evil, he’s not stupid” “He’s gonna figure out there’s something going on with you guys if you don’t quit it with the looks” “Just saying, I think we’ve all had enough brushes with death this year”- Resolutions

“You all think I’m annoying? I’ve got news for you, you’re all no prize either!” he said before going upstairs.- Heatwave

“i’m cold, can I please put my pants back on?” - Run Through The Jungle

"Well I'm not going; I actually have some principles" Harry said sitting at the table Oh who are we kidding, guys!" Harry said getting his jacket and following behind them.- Smells Like Teen Spirit

"Whoo! wow, that was an ordeal" Harry said happily, breathing a sigh of relief "So glad that's over, how about you guys?" he asked.-Smells Like Teen Spirit

“Why do I feel like all we’re good for is getting information?” Harry asked Kyle “No one ever asks ‘hey, Kyle and Harry, how are you guys? What are you up to?’” Harry asked irritated, he turned around to see Kyle had left the kitchen “Oh come on!” he called out.- My Deadly Valentine

“…I didn’t want to do it, they made me!” Harry said nervously.- My Deadly Valentine

“Oh god…oh I’m getting the hell out of here” Harry said standing up and trying to gather his things as fast as he could.- An Adam McLean Christmas

“Actually I meant is it okay if Satan directs a play about the birth of Christ” Harry said to Kyle.-An Adam McLean Christmas

“Alright fine…but the first sign of drama club Hitler and I’m out-An Adam McLean Christmas

"If you have some holy water on you I suggest you throw it on him”-An Adam McLean Christmas

"Wait why am I in trouble? I’m the one who was almost killed!"-An Adam McLean Christmas

"You know if you think about it, football is straight up strategy, there’s also physics involved”- The Kids' Table

"We used to do this when we were little, remember? We would go around and say what we were thankful for? We’d make little paper hand turkeys?” - The Kids' Table

"I’m a mad scientist” Harry said to him “Kyle…you’re literally wearing your football uniform- Tales From the Jr. BSB Crypt

"I made bread…my teacher’s going to enter it into the school’s bake sale!”-Tales From the Jr. BSB Crypt

"Yeah you don’t have to be a jerk just because we’ve had three weeks to do this project and you just decided to start doing it now” - A Time of War, A Time of Peace

"You were looking for me?" he asked, she nodded "Wow...a beautiful girl looking for me...that never happens" I was really excited up until the word favor"- Dead Man's Party

"Isn’t it a little morbid to celebrate someone's death?"- Dead Man's Party

"He wants us to die down here...he's trying to make us lose our minds trying to figure out how to get out of here" Harry rambled as they stopped for a breath."- Dead Man's Party

"If you have any plans of killing us, can you let us know so we can leave the country?"- Dead Man's Party

"I hate Halloween"- Dead Man's Party

"Can I get your statement now?" "What? You said not to worry about it!" Harry said to them. "I have a deadline!" - In The Air Tonight

"I’m trying to use my jedi mind tricks to bend this spoon” Oh my god, I made the spoon disappear!” he said.- Made With Love

"You think YOU have it bad? I’ve been kicked by ten kids today!” Harry said irritated “My legs are going numb"- Santa's Helpers

“Why go to hell when I can just go to Adam’s room, it’s basically the same thing- Santa's Helpers

"It's my chef's outfit, nice huh? I've been waiting for a moment to wear this"- We Gather Together

"You know once you get past the burnt part...its not that bad" - We Gather Together

"I knew he didn't like me but did he really have to shoot me?" - Aftermath

"I can't believe this, I'm a criminal" he said in horror "I have a record!" he said grabbing on to Kyle's shirt "How do you handle this?!" - Weekend at Brian's

"Turn it down!" Harry bellowed up the stairs as he came down into the kitchen. "Man, what is with him?" he asked "I can't get any work in my lab done because of sobfest 2010 up there" Harry said.- The Hardest Part of Breaking Up

"Hear what?" Harry asked "All I hear is late 80's hair metal ballads" he said.-The Hardest Part of Breaking Up

#jr. bsb series #jr. bsb birthday #original characters #bsb fan fiction #harry birthday spam #best of harry

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transcendentaleclipse · 6 months

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Well today started me being off work for three days whoo! Just using the rest of my off hours before the official holiday season at work. I already had a breakdown because one of my managers can't contain her anger; so I ended up freaking out when I was alone.

Just found a new therapist office. My previous office closed down for some reason so I lost both my therapist and the dr that prescribed my meds. So I think at this new one I will get both upon admission. Maybe there I can see if I have ADHD or something related.

Got my thyroid ultrasound today. Family has a history of issues with it and fatigue just kicks my ass. It's also hard for me to lose weight now after being off birth control for almost a year. Blood came back normal. Although it can be normal and the thyroid can be enlarged so here's so my follow-up.

Work is kinda bat shit and I'm working 10 hr days because no one wants to apply or cant since you HAVE to work truck so you have to be 18. We had a newbie scheduled for yesterday but he never showed up.

My review was a couple days ago and I'm still rusty in a few areas but in all my store manager thinks I'm very good! With the hours I'm making pretty good money but tbh I wish my stress wasn't so high and that I had some leisure time.

Trying to draw here and there but again I'm either too tired from work or trying to help mom with the house.

#emily says stuff/

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odyssej · 1 year

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Already it’s the second day of January. Whoo.

The funny thing is, Dad insisted he drive me to work yesterday as it’s the quickest. So quick, I’m often ten minutes early. So this time, we started ten minutes later. “It’s not my style,” he admitted, asking me once again what time it was. 9:41… 9:45… “Aah! Wrong way. Stupid! I thought I was going home!” 9:57…. 10:00… “Happy New Year!”

When I finally clocked in it was 10:06, but actually that time clock is set five minutes ahead - perhaps to keep us on our toes, or we can’t be arsed to change it.

But yeah, later today I’m taking the train as usual.

Dad just loves his car like Mum loves her food.

#jessy jots

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goatmilksoda · 1 year

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Whoo adhd context because I was going to put this all in the tags of that last post but nah let's make a whole new one.

I have achieved so fucking much today: I gordged myself on food, I donated old clothes, I finished two books, started another two books, built a Minecraft house (with a mine and a farm) for the first time in like 4 years, made plans for every weekend in January, finished my internship, and wrote a wopping (get this) 1300 words since 8AM.

I don't usually drink a lot of caffiene but I want to make it to midnight (because I'm a 9-10 pm sort of guy) and my mom got me this tea for Christmas called "College Blend" thinking it would be silly but it's essentially the blackest black tea practically death wish coffee. It's bang energy that tasyes like assam and I just had a cup. My heart is going a mile a minute. I should take up ballet again.

Happy 11 PM Everyone!

#goat talk #I have achieved more tonight than I did this whole year (haha no jk #but more like #not *this year* because it was weird and you know how 17 is but like... more than I did in 2019 or 2020 #I'm going to go bug my parents

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obsidiancreates · 1 year

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1990 Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Live-Action Movie Liveblog

HERE WE GO BABES TURTLE TIME!!!!!!!!!!! Secret of the Ooze is iconic to me so I have high expectations here.

Starting with some city shots, good start- THAT LADY'S COAT I LOVE IT

Is that April? Different actress than in Secret if so

PICKPOCKETING AND PASSING IT ALONG A SECRET NETWORK HELL YEAH- omg that kid is in The Foot? But he looks like a nerd

THEY STOLE THE ENTIRE DAMN TRUCK IN LIKE 5 SECOND LOL

THEY STOLE HER FUCKING TV PFFFFFFFFFFFTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT

There they are, the foot costumes, iconic.

DIGGING the music of this- WHOA SECRET LAIR all of these boys look like Cameron from Ferris Buller's Day Off but like, with different hair colors.

Why'd she make a Ghostbusters joke? They... don't solve robberies?

IT IS APRIL AN SHE'S WITH A DIFFERENT CHANNEL WHAT SHE'S WITH CHANNEL 3????????????

Would a New Yorker actually get that scared of a rat? I have my doubts.

GOD I love sound in 90's movies it so click-clacky

FUCK THEY ATTACKED HER- YEAHHHHHHHHHHH A SAIIIIIIIIIII YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

MY BOYS SAVED HERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR HI LIL' RAPH PEEKIN' OUT FROM THE GRATE HEY BUDDY

She grabbed the sai by the blade- HE CURSED RIGHT OFF THE BAT HELL YEAH

GROOVIN' MUSIC BABEY WHOO I AM HYPED SHOW ME THEM RUBBER COSTUMED YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH UNCHANGED LOGO FROM THE '87 CARTOON

HEY THIS DONNIE ALSO SHOUTS RANDOM WORDS AS CATHPRASES HE AND RISE COULD BOND OVER THAT

These costumes look super good considering like, what they are. Can the actors see out of those? They're moving so well and those suits must be thick as hell- WAIT RAPH'S VOICE IS WAY LESS DEEP AND RASPY THAN IN SECRET BASED ON THESE COUPLE LINES

You can really tell Jim Henson was involved in the suits once Splinter shows up, like "Oh yeah mmm-hmm he wouldn't even seem out of place in Dark Crystal."

AH THERE'S THE RAPH VOICE I KNOW AND LOVE

PFFFFFFFFFT RANDOM FIGHT WITH DONNIE- ANGY DONNIE

Reaching their pea- Splinter they're 16 and Mikey is ordering pizza instead of listening to you.

PFFFFFFFFFFFT HE LITERALLY THREW THE BOOK AT HIM AND MIKEY JUST THREATENED THE PIZZA GUY LOLLLLLLLLLLLLLL

One day you'll be gone but not in this damn era JUST 2012 GOTTA DEAL WITH THAT SHIT AT LEAST OUT OF THE TURTLES WHO WERE ON SCRE- wait nevermind I just remembered that Splinter bites it in The Next Mutation. That's- hmm. Well it doesn't count because that show was Bad.

DONNIE MIKEY SWEETHEARTS NO NOT THE TIME FOR A DANCE PARTY but again something 90's Donnie and Rise Donnie have in common

SERIOUSLY CAN THE ACTORS SEE WHAT THEY'RE DOING- AWWWWWWWWWW LEO'S LITTLE DANCEEEEEEEEEEEEEE LOOK AT HIS LITTLE DANCEEEEEEEEEEEE AWWWWWW DONNIE AND MIKEY IN THE BACKGROUND AWWWWWWWWWWWWW THEY'RE ADORABLEEEEEEEEEEE

Also just- Raph said aloud he's going to a movie and not only did Leo not mind, Splinter didn't care either

I much prefer the voice Donnie has in Secret but this one isn't bad.

I'M SORRY ONLY $10 FOR A WHOLE DAMN PIZZA?????? OH MY- DUDE I HATE CAPITALISM

Poor Splinter lol- OH MY GOD RAPH ACTUALLY WENT TO A MOVIE AND NO-ONE SAID A FUCKING WORD??????? HE FOR REAL WENT TO A MOVIE??????? I LOVE HIM

Ah it's Casey. You better be better than Out of the Shadows Casey. I actually just rewatched both Bayverse movies today for the first time in years and really enjoyed them for the most part except for 3 things. 1) The Megan Fox sexualization because I know it was Bay being creepy 2) Will Arnett's character didn't need to be here. Give most of his scenes/moments to April. 3) Fucking CW Arrow Casey Jones

Okay he's got more charm to him already, I remember him being sexist though

RAPH LET HIM BEAT THEIR ASSES- LOOK THEY GOT AWAY NOW

Did Raph just... insult his baseball team? Fascinating. I'll never be able to accurately write 90's turtles if this is the stuff they're saying. But I'll try.

Casey is... phenomenally unphased by the mutant turtle.

THIS IS SO GOOFYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY I LOVE ITTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT fuck man how many sport tools does Casey have- HE SENT RAPH FUCKIN' FLYINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG RAPH IS STUCK IN THE TRASH OH NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO I'LL KILL HIM FOR YOU RAPH SWEETIE OH YOU GOT HIT BY A CAR NO THIS ISN'T YOUR NIGHT I'M SO SORRY BABY

PFFFFFFFFFFFFTTTTTTTTTT CAB DRIVER: UNPHASED

Damn he really loves the word "Damn".

Splinter now's not the time for a lecture he was hit by a car

Man. So every Splinter's just kinda been really unequipped to handle Raph's anger issues, huh? AWWWWWWWWWWW BUT HE'S TRYING HE'S HERE FOR HIMMMMMMMMMMMMMM AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

Oh damn April's boss is one of the Foot Kids.

FUCK UP THE POLICE WITH YOUR REPORTING APRIL I BELIEVE IN YOU oh no she's making "Speak English smart-man" jokes

NOT AGAIN NOT MORE MIKEY HAVING A CRUSH ON THE MUCH-OLDER APRIL I HAD ENOUGH OF THAT WITH BAYVERSE

NO THEY'RE ALL SAYING IT NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

OH THE CHIEF IS OPENLY RACIST OKAY WELL ACCURATE TO IRL I GUESS BUT SURPRISING TO SEE- RAPHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH WHY ARE YOU OUT IN THE DAYTIMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE HONEY YOU'RE ASKING FOR TROUBLE

Oh she's alone in the Subway? FOOT BITCHES OH NO Sony payments? Wh- what? What were the 90's?

This April is a lot more feisty than Secret April, I think I like this one more so far. Foot Guy slapped her and she decided "Oh Imma have to kick your entire ass now" and maybe it's an unrealistic goal but I'm proud of her

Yeah she was knocked out instantly RAPH TO THE RESCUEEEEEEEEEEEE

RAPH MY BELOVED I CAN'T THINK OF A SINGLE BAD VERSION OF YOU oh but you are for sure being followed baby, you are for sure being followed

RAPH WAS JUST WORRIED ABOUT HER- Pffffft "I wanted to redecorate! You know, a couple throw pillows, a TV news reporter!" I love him.

Mikey no (cool to note though that it seems like 2003 Mikey's "Can we keep her?" line was a reference to this movie)

Ah not a. Not a good thing to wake up to. Reasonable response I think, to scream a lot. Though I do like that in 2012 they kept it nice and short to one scream and then almost-trust, and in Rise they said "Fuck it" and skipped the whole thing.

Yeah this April has way more personality than Secret Apri- PFFFFFFFFFFT "WHY DON'T I EVER DREAM OF HARRISON FORD"

THEM TURTLE BITCHES ARE MEANT TO BE 15??????????????

Oh yeah this one was Yoshi's pet, not Yoshi himself. PFFFFFFFFFT HE HAPPENED UPON THEM BY ACCIDENT

Splinter that. That is clearly not glowing.

OH FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO WHAT THE HELL ARE THOSEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE NOOOOOOOOOO WORST TURTLE TOTS DESIGNS EVER NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO BAD

Oh but they're all so cute as teens though, they look more like tots now than those bad actual-tots did.

Oh no that was a good joke whoever said that- Mikey I think? That was a good one.

SHIT HE POPPED OUT OF THERE LIKE MARIO

Mikey good joke baby I am so sorry she's not appreciating these- oh no celebrity impressions. Love that Raph is irritated by it, good exasperated brother moment.

SHE ALREADY LOVES THEM AND I GET IT THEY'RE ALL ADORABLE LIL' GUYS wait what was that face

OH SHIT THEIR HOUSE GOT BROKEN INTO FUCK IT'S TRASHED I guess this is why they have to find a new one in Secret- oh god Donnie dropped to his fucking knees THIS TONAL SHIFT IS WILD HOLY SHIT HOL SHIT THIS TONAL SHIFT RAPH'S FUCKING SCREAM

Oh ew why'd Leo say that like that. That was the creepiest way he could have said Splinter's name.

What a wild day for April. Why the HELL is her boss visiting her HOUSE

So is he trying to cover up his son's involvement?

IS HE CHECKING UNDER THE TAB- KID WHAT

WAS THAT LIKE 11 YEAR OLD SMOKING A FUCKING CIGAR

HOLY SHIT THE FOOT HIDEOUT IS WAY COOLDER THAN 2012 ND RISE THIS PLACE IS POPPIN' LIEK IT'S GIVING ALCOHOL AND CIGARS TO PRETEENS WHICH IS WACK AND BAD BUT IT'S A FUCKIN' PARTY HOUSE DUDE

Ah but then we find the child fighting ring

HEY THAT WAS A DIRTY MOVE TATSU FUCK YOU THAT KID WAS BEIN' RESPECTFUL

Oh the GONG is sounding time to stop PLAYING ARCADE GAMES I guess

This Shredder is always so dipped out dude. Silver tiger striped cape with shoulder pads? Are you kidding me? He's for sure gay.

Having some trouble with the costume there Tatsu? Having trouble moving that cape?

DAMN ND THE RED SEQUINED SPARKLY BODYSUIT THIS GUY'S DRIPPED OUT AS FUCK

Oh so he's just running a straight-up cult in this one okay.

Uhhhhhh Shredder? That one you captured is a rat. Not. A turtle.

MIKEY STOP CALLING HER A BABE

AWWWW YAY RAH DESVERED THAT THANKS AND HE'S SO HAPPY ABOUT IT- oh he almost cut Donnie's. Uh. Well I guess he doesn't have a D actually.

Oh poor Donnie and Mikey. "Fight?" "Fight." "Kitchen?" "Kitchen." They're too used to this. Cute bonding though.

OHHHHH RAPH IS DOING ANGY TRAINING ON THE ROOF NOW- oh hi Casey you've been oddly absent from this movie until now. Of course you just happen to see him- RAPH FUCKING FOOT NINJAS

MIKEY SAID DAMN NOW WHOO

"Where's Raphael?" GETTING HIS ASS WHOOPED- NEVERMIND HE'S WHOOPING THEIR ASSES DUDE THAT'S A REAL GUY DOING THESE MOVEMENTS AND FLIPS AND STUFF IN THAT GIANT SUIT HOW FUCKING IMPRESSIVE IS THAT LIKE DUDEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE I CAN'T GET OVER IT THAT'S A REAL FUCKING GUYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

"How do you guys expect to beat me?" *like two dozen more guys with swords creep up* "Good answer. Good answer!" Raph I love you

APRIL OWNS THE ANTIQUE STORE??????????????? WHY WAS THIS ERASED IN SECRET

BITCHES RAPH IS GETTING KIDNAPPED- okay no he's fi- ALIVE BARELY?????????????????? FUCK

YEAHHHHHHHHHHHH SHOW THEM WHO'S BOSS MIKEY I love the lack of music over the Foot Guy to make him seem lame as hell

AND DONNIE FOR THE SURPRISE "FUCK UP YOUR FACE WITH A BO ATTACK"

*slap* *slap* *PUNCH* Leo you're a gem

PFFFFFT JUST SPITT WATER AT HIM YEAH DONNIE

THESE BOYS ARE SO FUN WHY ARE THEY ALWAYS LEFT OUT OF CROSSOVER FICSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS LOOK AT THEMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

Shit April's apartment is fucked.

Yup there is goes. No more dead-dad antique store I guess.

FUCK 'EM UP BOYSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO DON'T USE DONNIE'S HEAD TO PLAY PIANO NOOOOOOOOOOOO

MIKEY YEAH USE THE CYMBOLS NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MIKEYYYYYYYYYYYYYY RAPH WAKE UP RAPH WAKE UP-

CASEY?

CASEYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY fuck he was instantly sexist as soon as he saw April SYNTH MUSIC BABEYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

OH FUCK IT'S BURNING DOWN PFFFFFFFFFFFFFT TATSU IS DISPLEASED WITH THIS FLAMING TURN OF EVENT BUT UNMOVED BY THE FIRE BOY GET YOUR ASS OUT OF THERE

Casey being an Instant Ally, hell yeah.

WHY THE HELL DID HE FIRE HER- FUCK CHARLES SUCKS

IT'S THE PARTY WAGONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS oh and her house burned down that sucks yeah feel sorry kid BUT THEY WERE IN THE PARTY WAGONNNNNNNNNN

Oh Shredder is PISSED

DON'T PUNCH SPLINTER I'LL KILL YOU GET YOUR BLADES OFF OH MY GUY SPLINTER I'LL CUT YOUR THROAT YOU'LL WISH THE FUCKING GARBAGE TRUCK KILLED YOU YOU BITCH

Tatsu STOP fucking hell THOSE ARE YOUR OWN GUYS AND YOUR OWN EQUITMENT CALM THE FUCK DOWN MAN WHAT THE HELL

YEAH KID MAYBE THESE GUYS SUCK MAYBE LET THE RAT GUY GO

Splinter INSTANTLY decided to Dad this kid. I love him so much. He sees ANY person younger than him and decides "I'm your parent now"

Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm Splinter I. "All fathers care for their sons" I get where you're coming from but. Not true. Not true. Not. True.

IT'S THE FUCKING FARMHOUSEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE ET'S GOOOOOOOOOOOOOO BUT RAPH IS THE ONE IN THE COMA NOW FUCK DUDEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE THE FARMHOUSEEEEEEEEEEEEEE 2012 USED THISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

Casey JUST met these people and he's like "I'm your family now" BROADZILLA?????????????????? WHAT CASEY WHAT WAS THAT FUCK YOU FOR THAT ONE

Mikey and Donnie continue to be the best duo. I do miss this in 2012, they aren't as close as I wish they were.

DAMN SHE'S A GOOD ARTIST

HEY THE INSULT GAME YAY THEY REFERENCE THIS IN 2012 TOO

Fongoid? ... Like the Ratchet & Clank species?

DUDE 2012 LITERALLY- THIS IS THE FARMHOUSE ARC WHAT THE HELL

Oh that is a bad pose- why'd they do that to Raph? Why'd they put him in the tub like that? That can't be comfortable. That's a terrible position to stick him in.

This movie has more Severe Tonal Shifts than a single conversation with me does.

THERE'S WATER IN THA- HIS FACE IS DOWN THERE HE'LL FUCKING DROWN'

And after that... flirting with Casey. TONAL SHIFTS GALORE where the fuck did Casey go in Secret. Oh nevermind maybe April killed him for his sexist pet names.

RAPH WOKE UPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP YAYYYYYYYYYYYY AND HE'S QUIPPING ALREADY YAYYYYYYYYY HE'S OKAY OH AND LEO IS SO HAPPY I'M GETTING EMOTIONAL OVER HOW HAPPY LEO ISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS I LOVE THEMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM THEY ARE BROTHERSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS BROTHERSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS AWWWWWWWWWWWWW THEY HUGGEDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD I'M WITH DONNIE AND APRIL I'M TEARIN' UP

WHATTTTTTTTTTTTTTT THE FUCKKKKKKKKKKKK IS WITH THE SHOUT OF SPLINTER FROM THE ROOFTOP THESE DRAMATIC-ASS TURTLES I LOVE THEM

"Hey. Why're you so pressed about the turtles, Shreddy my man?" "Reminds me of a guy I killed." "Oh okay."

FOREST TRAININGGGGGGGGGGG is Casey using Leo's katana to very poorly cut carrots first thing in the morning? EW EW HE MANHANDLED APRIL INTO A MASSAGE I HATE THIS GROSS

Awwwwwwwwww But cute brother moment between Raph and Mikey, that was good.

FUCK SPLINTER IS SO COVERED IN BLOOD OH FUCK

Awwww they're playing Trivia! Oh I love them.

TIME FOR THE SPIRIT FIRE- DUDE LITERALLY THE WHOLE DAMN FARMHOUSE ARC FROM 2012 IS IN THIS MOVIE FOR REAL

Donnie with the marshmallows yessssssssssss

THERE HE IS BLUE FIRE SPLINTER SPIRIT DUDEEEEEEEEEEEEEE THIS SLAPS

HELL YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH TEAMWORKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK

Is it love? Familial love? IT'S LOVE HELL YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH IT'S FAMILIAL LOVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

OH THE BOYS ARE CRYING OH SOMEONE HUG MIKEY AND RAPH OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH MIKEYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY OH THEY'RE SUCH SWEET BOYSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSI LOVE THEMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

DON'T GO FROM THAT BEAUTIFUL SCENE WITH SPLINTER AND THE BOYS TO CASEY AND APRIL'S LIKEWARM FLIRTING

Casey's having a weird time dude. He's insta ride-or-die but he's gonna be upset about it the whole time.

PFFFFFFFFT "Don't shoot!" *looking at the sword* "I don't think it's loaded, kid." RAPH I LOVE YOU

90'S CASEY HOMOPHOBIC?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! WHAT THE FUCK-

YES YOU DO YOU HAVE TO TAKE THIS ABOUT BEING AFRAID YOU SEXIST HOMOPHOBIC ASSHOLE

I'm sorry, sleeping in the truck is better than sleeping in the sew- well actually I'll cut myself off there

KEEP THE- KID WHAT THE HELL WHY DO YOU WANT THOSE DRAWINGS KID YOU ARE FUCKED UP

Awwww they're having a funeral for the pizza. I love Donnie and Mikey's dynamic in this movie.

Casey just like. Get a motel or something. I can feel the back pain in my own back?

Danny are you possessed

These turtles are way too fucking trusting.

Well I wish I could root for Casey here but he's a homophobe. Kind of ruined him for me, that one throwaway line.

CASEY CAN JUST WALK IN TO THE FOOT HIDEOUT?!?!?!? NOBODY'S GUARDING THE DOOR?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

SPLINTER LOOKS SO CUTE IN THIS MOVIE HE'S GOT SUCH BIG EYES AND THEY'RE SO WET AND SAD LOOKING HE'S JUST A LIL' GUY

AWWWWWWWWWWWW LOOK AT PRE-MUTATION SPLINTER DOIN' HIS LITTLE MARTIAL ARTS IN HIS CAGE

Well I guess Tang Shen and Yoshi didn't end we- FUCK SAKI MURDERED HER AND YOSHI HOLY SHIT HOLY FUCK WHAT THE HELL HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HIS LITTLE CUDDLE OF YOSHI'S HAND OH SPLINTERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR SPLINTERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Damn Casey pulled a Like Skywalker

YEAH ID YOU'RE IN A MURDER CULT- OH FUCKKKKKKKKKK SHREDDER CAUGHT HIM FUCK FUCK HE'S GONNA KILL THIS KID

NOOOOOOOOO THE DRAWINGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG

CASEY YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW SPLINTER- DUDE HE'S JUST INSTANTLY TRUY RIDE OR DIE LIKE WHAT THE HELL XD

PFFFFFFFFFTTTTTTTTTTT THE FOOT GUYS WIGGLING INTO THE STORM DRAINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN

THEIR DOOR!!!!!! HASN'T IT BEEN THROUGH ENOUGH!!!!!!

YESSSSSSSSSS BOYS FUCK 'EM UPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP WHOOOOOOOOOOO THOSE FOOT GUYS STOOD NO CHANCEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Fuck there are more, Raph you curled a finger on the monkey paw or whatever the saying is

"Who the fuck are you" "Uh I met your sons and their reporter friend and then lived with 'em for a few days and I guess I'd die for all of you now. I don't have a lot else going on in my life."

THIS APRIL IS SO MUC COMPARED TO SECRETS APRIL

I am not upset about Casey being punched repeatedly. That's what you get for the sexist and homophobic and I think he was just Racist?

GOLF CLUB HOT DAMN HE SENT THAT GUY FLYING TOO HOW FUCKING STRONG IS THIS CASEY

YES DONNIE SKATEBOARD THROUGH THOSE TUNNELS DESTROY THEIR FACES

LISTEN TO THE DYING RAT YOU KIDS YOU CAN BE BUDS WHILE NOT LIKE MURDERING GUYS

PFFFFFFFFFT FLEEING BACK OUT THE STORM DRAIN AND MY BOYS ARE PURSUING THEM RELENTLESSLY WHILE MAKING PUN ATTEMPTS YES I FUCKING LOVE THIS OH MY GOD I LOVE THIS I NEED THE NEXT TMNT TO HAVE THIS KIND OF ENERGYYYYYYYYYYYYY THIS ENERGY IS SO FUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN BRING BACK SYNTH MUSIC

MIKEY AND DONNIE'S DYNAMIC IS THE MVP OF THIS MOVIE LIKE IT'S ALL GOOD BUT THEIR DYNAMIC IS TRULY *CHEF'S KISS*

THERE ARE REAL FUCKING GUYS IN THOSE SUITS DOING THOSE MOVIES

HOLY FUCK SHREDDER DROPPED FROM THE SKY IN HIS SEQUINED BODYSUIT AND ALL DONNIE HAD TO SAY WAS "Who is this?" DESTROYYYYYYYYYYYYEEEEDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

LEO WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT MOVIE YOU JUST JUMPED AT HIM love that Shredder let them do the rock-paper-scissors

DONNIE NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OH SHIT MIKEYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY OH NO NOT RAPH RAPHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH STOP BEATING MY BOYSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS OH SHIT OH SHIT CASEY SAW THE GARBAGE TRUCK OH HELL YES I AM READY

LEO YOU CAN DO THIS NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OH BUT HE GOT A GOOD HIT IN

OH SHIT HE PISSED OFF LEO BUT IT DID NOTHIGN LEO IS ABOUT TO DIE NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO FUCK OBVIOUSLY HE WAS GONNA KILL HIM ANYWAY

YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS SPLINTERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR KICK HIS ASS MY GUY KICK HIS ASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS OH SHIT SPLINTER SCARRED HIM UP REAL GOOD HELL YEAH HELLLLLLLLLL YEAHHHHHHHHHHHH

OH SPLINTER DIDN'T EVEN FLINCHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSS DROP HIS ASS YESSSSSSSS DEATH COMES FOR US ALL BUT SOMETHING MUCH WORSE COMES FOR YOU FUCK YEAHHHHHHHHHH GOOD LINEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS FUCKING CRUSH HIMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS HE IS SMUSHEDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD I KNOW HE COMES BACK BUT YESSSSSSSSSSSS

AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW FAMILY HUG FAMILY HUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG THIS MOVIE FUCKING RULES I LOVE THIS MOVIE I LOVE MY 90'S BOYSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

I like Secrets April, despite how little she's really in the movie, but this April is better for sure. Way more fun, way more spark to her.

Casey now is not the time. Leave her alone. WHERE DID THE KISS ME REQUEST COME FROM WHAT I will never understand

Awwww it is cute though that the turtles are so happy for him, that's adorable.

SAY IT SPLINTER SPLINTER SAID COWABUNGAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA I LOVE THIS MOVIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE THIS IS A GOOD MOVIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

This credit song isn't great but THE MOVIE WASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS WHY DON'T MY 90'S BOYS GET ANY OF THE MULTIVERSAL CHAT FIC LOVE

#tmnt #tmnt 1990 #sid blogs live

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mmorggospel · 2 years

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Apple numbers templates

#Apple numbers templates plus

When the cursor changes to a plus sign, (it will be on the edge of a column), hold down the mouse and move it to the left or right to adjust the size of the column. To do that run your cursor over the gray bar at the top of the table. Then I adjusted the sizes of the columns so that the table stayed an appropriate size. In my case, I clicked on the Description column and chose Add Column Before. To add the new column, I clicked inside the table so that it was the active element and then selected Table from the menu bar and then selected Add Column Before (or After) the column I wanted it next to. All that was involved in making the changes in the categories was to highlight the words and enter new text. (This sample account information does not reflect any of the personal or financial information for the account I am managing.) I changed the categories to the ones I needed and added a column in the table for Receipts. Then I proceeded to modify it to meet my needs. Within ten minutes I had my spreadsheet ready to go.įrom the Personal Finance category I choose Checking Register as the template I wanted. It displayed information I had not even considered, but was perfect for my presentation, and all the formulas were included. Among the 28 template options, I found the perfect template. I knew what I wanted the spread sheet to look like (I thought) so I opened Numbers and started to create a document from scratch and then remembered the templates and decided to check them out. No grass is going to grow under my feet, no sirreebob! I will have a spread sheet ready for that audit that does everything but sing and dance. I worked for the government for 30 years. There are strict rules about how these funds can be spent and at the end of the first year there will be an audit. Well, whoo hoo, the formulas are built in to the templates, so if there is a template that meets your needs, you are half way home.Ī couple of weeks ago I was appointed a Federal Fiduciary for a Veterans Administration beneficiary. I have used templates extensively in both Keynote and Pages, but my use of them in Numbers has been somewhat limited, because I had not investigated the options. One of the benefits of all three applications are the built-in templates. For the average user, however, Numbers is more than sufficient as a spreadsheet application. While similar to Excel, Numbers is not as sophisticated, meaning you can not perform extensive formulas in Numbers. Numbers is a spreadsheet application, and that's what we're here to talk about today. The other two are the Keynote presentation solution and the word processor Pages, and the whole iWork package costs $79. In this week's column, I want to show you how useful those templates can be, and how easy they are to work with.įirst, some background: Numbers is one of the 3 applications included in the iWork package. In addition they can be modified to meet individual needs without sacrificing the built-in formulas. The built-in templates in the iWork application Numbers allows you to quickly create documents to monitor everything from mortgage payments to checking accounts.

#Apple numbers templates

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tomhardydallasstarsgirl · 3 years

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Birthday Blind Date

Pedro Pascal x Black Reader

Warnings: Fists flying (by someone unexpected) Cheating. Heartache, Soft Pedro, Sexy Pedro, Taking the Initiative Pedro and Handsome Pedro. Explicit sex. Protected Sex (wrap it up always) Oral Sex: Female Receiving

Epilogue: Your best friends secretly meet at a cafe to discuss your surprise birthday party. Today is the day (HAPPY BIRTHDAY) its all about you and you only. So you're introduced to a relative of one of your best friends. He's older and the exact opposite from the typical norm of what you usually date.

"We need to hook Y/N up with somebody", says Selene one of your best friends.

"Right, that fake ass photographer she seeing ain't about shit, says Tasha your other best friend.

"OH!!! I have the perfect guy for Y/N. I will call my cousin who lives is Texas and ask him to come to the party.

"Good, she needs a change. Because Malcolm is not it. I mean we appreciate him helping her with her modeling career. But, as a boyfriend to Y/N he sucks ass at it", goes Tasha sipping her coffee.

THE NIGHT OF YOUR BIG BIRTHDAY BASH ......

"SURPRISE!!!!", your friends and others guests shout scaring you as you walk inside the already lively crowded club.

"Happy Birthday sugar", says your two oldest friends as you all share a group hug.

"I'll take your coat and purse. And here is your birthday sash and crown", as Selene hands your coat off to the check attendant.

"How do I look?", you ask as Selene looks you over at your gorgeous dress before giving a gracious and playful curtsy in front of you as you laugh.

"That is a beautiful and bad dress girl", as you give yourself a spin.

"Hard ass drink for the Birthday girl", says Tasha handing you a Pink Whitney from New Amsterdam.

"Hey Y/N, I also invited my cousin from Texas to come to see you. It's not a problem I hope?", says Selene in a sing-song type tone as you stop short of sipping your drink.

"Wait. Hold up. What's wrong with him? And how old is he?", you question in curiosity", as Tasha laughs at your comment.

"He's not that old girl. He's in his mid 40's okay and quite the looker too", says Selene as you finally take a sip.

"Whoo!! Damn that's good", you exclaim approving the alcohol taste.

"Where's Malcolm?", asks Tasha.

"I don't know honey. And kinda don't give a shit either. I feel he's cheating on me too", you shout over the loud music.

"Are you fucking serious Y/N", asks Tasha.

"As a heart attack", with a sad look on your face.

"Well fuck that hoe ass muthafucka. That bitch don't deserve a dime sweetie. And you are definitely a goddamn dime", as you stare at your friends in such astonishment.

You met Malcolm a couple years before hitting it big as a fashion model. Things between the two of you started to heat up and get serious as time went on. He even bought up marriage once or twice. You didn't take it seriously or even had a second thought of him possibly proposing. You felt marriage with children and happiness wasn't for you. Despite being a bridesmaids or Matron of Honor to your three older siblings and even your two best friends Selene and Tasha.

"There she is. Happy Birthday babygirl", says Charles who is Selene's Husband.

"Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday to you", comes another male voice as you turn around seeing Tasha's husband William bring a huge smile to your face.

Chatting away with some of your friends Selene approaches you with someone following her.

"Hey, Ms. Belle of the Birthday Ball, I have a surprise for you. I would like for you to meet my cousin from Texas. Pedro, my bestie Y/F/N. Y/F/N meet Pedro", says Selene.

You turn around as the vision in front of you catches you off guard. Finally you lock eyes with a pair of beautiful brown eyes wearing black frames. Nice Tailored Brown Suit with a black buttoned down dress shirt and black dress shoes.

"Well Happy Birthday Hermosa", as he playfully bows in front of you as you giggle.

His whole vibe is just captivating and warm. Dashing smile that would brighten up a dark room. The salt and pepper in his patchy beard looked so soft that, you wanted to run your fingers through it which made him even more enchanting. You wished you could find out simply what, scented shampoo he uses because it looks so beautifully soft. You reached out to shake his hand you quickly noticed the size of his hand swallowed up your even smaller one. His fingers were long and thick. Also catching a glimpse of the tat between his thumb and index finger made him more inviting.

Your party is well underway as its starting to liven up as your mingled with guests, other fellow models and friends as Pedro was right by your side. He kept the convo you both shared light and funny as you felt more comfortable. But, you still notice there's no sign of Malcolm. Most of the party he's been M.I.A. You thought to yourself to hell with him. It's your birthday and why should you be so consumed about a person you thought the world of but, lately has been nothing but, cold and distant to you. Everyone decided to let you open your gifts while everyone is enjoying your birthday cake.

After you enjoyed the cake everybody joined up on the dance floor to work it off to an old school song. You decided to talk with your friends. That was short lived thanks to their husbands who whisked them away to the dance floor leaving you alone.

"You don't dance I see?", as Pedro stands beside you.

"Oh no I do dance. It's just that I wasn't asked by anyone", as you look up at Pedro.

"Well in that case. Excuse me madame", as Pedro bows to you while clicking his heels.

"May I have this dance?" he asks as you laugh at his hilarity.

Pedro had some moves on the dance floor that you couldn't help to notice. Twirling and gyrating your body to the music he couldn't help himself to not keep his hands off of you. Pedro had your full attention the entire time you didn't notice Malcolm watching from the shadows. What pissed him off even more was when others on the dance floor began to pay more attention to you two. He hated that another man was entertaining you on your big day. Especially when you were returning the favor of having your hands all over him. With one last twirl as the song ended Pedro pulls you in. You're both standing there breathless from dancing staring at each other. That's when he grabs you by the waist laying a head spinning kiss on you. Your best friends whoop and holler as others join in to cheer. Malcolm is beyond angry as he storms off in the opposite direction as your friends laugh at him.

You could hear Tasha on the microphone standing next to the D.J. as she gave you a thumbs up in your direction. She asks for Pedro and you to stay on the dance floor.

"Okay Ladies and Gents it's time for the birthday girl to dance alone with her surprise guest".

The lights die down as there's a spotlight on you both as the song begins to play over the speakers as others leave the floor. He reaches for your hand as your pulled closely to him.

"Shit he smells so fucking good", you think to yourself as you squeeze him tighter. You can feel his hand resting on the small of your back as butterflies flutter in your stomach as you two sway in the spotlight to the lyrics.

"Pedro?", as he looks down as you.

"Thank you", you whisper to him.

"For what Querida?"

"Just for being here with me on my birthday", as you kiss him on the cheek which drew a few awwws from the crowd looking on.

Of course you wanted to do the tonsil mambo with this man but, you wanted to keep it sweet and simple for the moment (despite kissing already). You wrapped your arms around his shoulders as he looped his arms around your waist as you both looked into each other's eyes.

"Wouldn't have missed this for anything else in the world Hermosa. As my cousin told me I was meeting one of the most beautiful women in the world", whispered Pedro as you took it upon yourself to take the leap.

You pulled him close to you as you give him your own heat rising smooch on the lips drawing whoos and clapping from the crowd. At that point you could've swore its was just you two as all surrounding things melted away. Your sole focus was on him as his was only on you. This man is not like others from you past. Pedro somehow seeped himself into your pores. Which was hard to figure out as you didn't care. Especially since your so-called current one is no where to be found. The song ended drawing an uproar of applause from the crowd as Pedro kissed the top of your hand.

"Time for the birthday girl to open her presents", says the D.J. as you started to open them.

The gifts from everyone were so thoughtful and special you opened the last gift which was from your friends. It bought you to tears as you hugged your friends. Your bladder was full as you stepped away to use the restroom. Relieving yourself you could hear moans and cries coming from another stall.

"Jesus get a room already", you thought to yourself.

You finally flushed stepping out the stall as you began to wash your hands. You dried your hands as you stared at your reflection in the mirror. You finally left the restroom as you realized you left your cell phone as you decided to head back. At that point you see Malcolm and a woman you've never seen as they exit. They're all giggly and all over each other. You freeze in your tracks as Malcolm sees you with the other woman.

"Baby it's not what it looks like", as Malcolm reaches to attempt to comfort you.

At that moment your two friends and their husbands turned the corner seeing you with your fists balled up as the other woman scatters away.

"Get your goddamn hands off of me", as you knee him directly in the balls.

That's when he grabs himself as he keels over. Followed by a punch which sends him to the floor grabbing his bloody nose.

Your oldest friends had the biggest shit eating smiles on their faces while Charles and William grimace for feeling Malcolm's. More guests came to witness what took place as the club security and bouncers had Malcolm removed.

"Hey Tyson are you okay", asks one of the club bouncers.

"I'm cool Quinn. Thank you for asking", as you slowly walked away from everyone needing some fresh air. You stepped outside as the weather turned chilly as you shivered a bit but, it didn't bother you.

Pedro finds you outside alone and shivering

"Carino are you alright? And where's your coat?"

"I forgot to grab it I guess".

"Well here mi flor take my jacket".

He wraps his jacket around your shoulders as his body heat catches you off guard. The very inside of it is soft against your skin immediately warming you. His cologne and body scent is mingling all together setting your body on fire as your nipples became hard as diamond crystals. You wished to yourself that you could never take it off. He runs his hands up and down your arms to keep you warm.

"Mmmm how's that carino?"

"Very nice Pedro. Thank you".

You quietly give him a smile as you two were silent for a couple of minutes just as Selene and Tasha comes bursting out looking you.

"Sweetie are you okay?", as Selene hands you your cell you left behind in the Women's restroom.

"Pedro was nice enough to check up on me as I I stepped out here", as you face heated up for a moment as you adjusted his jacket on your shoulders.

"I came to tell you that they decided to shut down the party and everyone is leaving. So we decided to take you bowling okay", says Tasha.

"I can't bowl in this dress", as Pedro checks you out up and down.

"We got clothes for you to change in sweetie", says Selene.

"Pedro can join us too", shouts Tasha as you had no problem with that.

"Oh wow such a good idea. I say hell yeah Pedro should go with us", says Selene agreeing with Tasha.

"What you say birthday girl?", asks Tasha as 3 sets of eyes are looking at you.

"Sure. I'd like that very much", as your two friends run off cheering.

You both head back inside the club as you see other friends and guests leaving. They say their heart felt wishes and goodbyes to you as they depart.

"Ouch", as you shake your hand.

"What's wrong gorgeous?", questions Pedro as he looks at your hand.

"Oh Miss Tyson Knockout over here right hooked her officially now ex-boyfriend in his nose and breaking it. All because she caught him after screwing another woman in the Women's restroom", says Tasha as she and Selene gather all of your birthday gifts.

"Oh really querida? Where did you learn that from?", he asked still touching your right hand.

"It's nothing really. Just my Aunt who was a green beret and one of the few women I still look up to. I had a feeling something was gonna happen between me and Malcolm. Just didn't think at this moment", as you lower your head in shame.

"Hey beautiful don't feel down because you dodged a huge bullet. He doesn't need you and damn for sure doesn't deserve you Hermosa", as he wiped away fallen tears.

"Now let me look at this hand", asks Pedro as he looks closer.

"Yes, Dr. Pedro. What's the diagnosis", as he laughs.

"Does this hurt querida", says Pedro as he flexes your fingers.

"No", as he looks on over your hand.

"What about this beautiful?", as he entwines his fingers between yours giving it a squeeze.

"No Pedro", as your face gets warm from his tentiveness.

"And what about this", asks Pedro as his kisses your hand.

"That's perfect Pedro", you whisper as he pulls you in close to him.

You move in closer as he bends down to kiss you.

"Hey Y/N", says Selene as she calls for you just before Pedro can kiss you.

"Dos Mio", you giggle as Pedro whispers spanish for being interrupted.

"I'm coming", you yell back to her.

"Can we save this for later Pedro?", you ask as you see his lips are still puckered up for that kiss as you laugh at him.

"Not at all mi flor", as he follows you back inside.

"What skeezer?", you quiz Selene.

"You making out with my cousin?", she quizzes you.

"I was about to until y'all snuck up on us", as you smiled shyly.

"You like Pedro don't you Y/N?"

"He's warming up to me very nicely best friend. I'm just afraid that I might do something I'll regret later on down the road", as Selene busted out laughing.

"Honey, please. Listen. If it goes there then it goes there. I mean shit you two clearly need to fuck each others brains out tonight", Selene guffaws out loud as you tried to quiet her down.

"What are you two doing?", asks Tasha holding a bag.

"Ms. Birthday girl over here wants ride the brakes off my cousin", says Selene as she laughs even louder as Tasha joins in teasing you.

"Shhhhhh. What the hell? Y'all be quiet. I mean it", you whisper as they stop laughing and console.

"Okay okay. We'll stop", as they both hug you.

"Let’s go ladies. Time to bowl", as everyone exits to head to the nearest Bowling Alley.

The husbands left to get their wives shoes as Pedro went to grab yours.

"Here let me do that Hermosa", as Pedro put on your shoes as your girls watched in envy.

"Ladies vs. Gents", asks William as he finished tying up his bowling shoes.

"Hmmm sounds good to me", as Selene playfully kisses her husband's lips.

"What are the terms?", you ask curiously.

"I win you spend the night with me. Also, you have to wear what's in this bag the whole night. Anything goes", says Pedro sending a shiver down your spine.

"Well, if I win I just want a NICE... FULL... BODY... MASSAGE...", you say to Pedro stretching every word as you notice he swallows hard regarding your bet.

"Wait. That's your wager?", asks Pedro squinting his eyes.

"It is", you say as you turn away not saying another word.

"Ladies first", as Pedro watches you grab a ball from the ball corral.

You can feel his eyes on you as you’re focused with pure concentration. You take three steps as you release the ball down the alley quickly turning away.

"Wait you don't want to see how many pins f-", Pedro asks as you hear all 10 pins fall as you get a strike.

"I don't need to see what I'm already so good at Mr. Pascal", as you plant a kiss on the tip of his nose before sashaying back to your seat high fiving Tasha and Selene as they laugh on.

"Oh yeah Pedro, we forgot to mention that Y/N is in a bowling league in her spare time", as Tasha laughs at her husband's admission.

As the game went on you bowled strike after strike as the fellas faces were looking bleak with hopelessness. Pedro kept up with you the entire game. The game itself was suppose to had been you and your friends versus the men but, as time went on it turned into basically you against Pedro. He was down one pin behind your score as he went next. He had a look of sheer confidence on his face already and, the game wasn't done yet because you had the lead and one last frame to bowl. You attempted to keep your demeanor as stony as you could but, Pedro succeeded at times keeping you on your toes with his goofiness and antics. His constant neck kisses and grabbing your hips to whispering hilarious nonsense in your ear to distract you. He couldn't keep you from losing your concentration but, it did make you wonder if he's real man material for you. He grabs a ball as he sets up his stance. He turns around to give you a playful wink as you roll your eyes with a smirk on your face as you're trying to be cool and unbothered.

"Girl, he's going to eat you alive", whispers Tasha.

"Literally", says Selene as you cut a look at them.

He lines up with focus as he releases the ball down the alley hitting a total of 9 pins as he takes the lead. The fellas give off a uproaring thundering clap as he walks back to his seat giving you a side glance smirk.

"Okay birthday girl you got this", says Tasha hyping you up.

You were confident as you knew exactly what to do. This was nothing as you walked to retrieve a ball. Suddenly you feel hands on your waist and something hard against your ass as you couldn't turn around.

"It's lovely that I got to see your beautiful face this morning as I woke up carino. Especially since I've been here", whispers Pedro as he turns you around laying a kiss on you as he dips you like he's Gomez Addams. You drop the ball not paying attention as it slowly rolls down heading toward the gutter.

The fellas fist bump each other watching Pedro as he walks away leaving you in a trance.

"Hey, are you alright girl?", as Selene snaps her fingers trying to bring you out of your cloudy daze.

Slowly the hazy daze is gone as you grab another ball gathering your focus. You take your steps as you release the ball as it rolls down the alley. Everyone rises to their feet to watch as your ball knocks down only 6 pins. You stood there a bit surprised and dejected that you lost to Pedro. You could hear the fellas hollering as the carry Pedro on his shoulders around the bowling alley.

"What happened just now Y/N?", asks Selene.

"I felt your cousin's dick print on my ass and he said that he see's my beautiful face this morning when he woke up", you say as your girls gasp in shock.

The fellas finally put Pedro down as he approaches you.

"Congratulations", you say as you extend your hand.

Instead of shaking it Pedro kisses the top of it as he pulls you in for another kiss.

"Yeah they fucking like rabbits tonight", says William as Charles agrees.

After leaving the bowling alley everyone loads up to head home for the night. Of course, a bet is a bet so you had to oblige to Pedro's request. The ride to where Pedro was staying was 10 minutes away. Selene was sitting up front with Charles as Tasha sat next to her husband William as you were next to Pedro. Selene didn't want to hear any sports radio as she changed the station turning up the volume as the beginning notes of this song sends Selene and Tasha into a frenzy. What makes its worse is when Pedro joins in wailing the lyrics as he tickles you non-stop. You all arrive at the hotel where Pedro has been staying while in town. The area looked very familiar to you but, you couldn't quite put your finger on what was the exact reason. Pedro said goodbye to the guys as your girls gave you a pep talk.

"Here birthday girl", as Selene handed you a mysterious girl bag along with a brown paper bag.

"What’s in the brown bag?", you ask.

"Protection", says Selene as you open it noticing the contents inside.

"Thank you sis", as you hug Selene as she hops back into the vehicle.

You snort as you notice the size of them as you know those won't fit. Compared to what you felt at the bowling alley.

"Here's a safety net babygirl that's gonna work. I notice her cousin's walk", says Tasha as she gives you a wink as she hands you another brown bag while grabbing the bag Selene passed to you.

You sneak a peeked inside as you noticed a box.

"It was either what's in that bag or a wheelchair. I couldn't make it obvious sugar", as Tasha hugs you one last time before walking back to the SUV.

"Y'all two get your freak on now", shouts William and Charles as he speeds off honking the horn loudly as Pedro laughs while your face heats up.

"You having second thoughts gorgeous?", asks Pedro.

"No", you say as he grabs your overnight bag.

"I can smell the snow", you say as you lace your finger with his heading into the hotel.

The elevator ride to his penthouse suite was another story. His cologne and body heat was murdering your senses putting you on high alert. His voice was on another level. The more talked more you notice that he has probably the smoothest and richest baritone you've ever heard. You could already fantasize about all the phone sex calls you could have with this man as your mouth slowly began to water along with your center.

A few minutes later you arrived at his suite which was near the top floor.

"Make yourself at home", says Pedro as he takes you bag.

You remove you jacket as you see Pedro disappears down the hall to his Master Bedroom. But, you notice the gift bag your girls gave you before leaving you. You read the tiny card on the side.

"From a Real Man", as you look inside the oversized bag. You find beautiful sweet smelling 3 wick candles, and your perfumed lotions and sprays from Bath and Body Works and cutesy underwear from Victoria Secret. But, what caught your eye was a box with no writing as you opened finding the exact garments. So you put the very soft and luxurious lingerie on as you looked in the mirror. You couldn't believe that a man had picked out something so beautiful and inticing. Of course you're a model since you wear all types of clothes that you've posed in. But, to own something so risqué and beautiful made you actually feel wanted for once as you put on a silk robe from your overnight bag.

You leave the bathroom as you notice snow is falling outside as you catch the ambiance of lit candles in various spots everywhere. You could hear the shower in the master bedroom going as you headed to the kitchen. You found some bubbly already poured for you as you grabbed the champagne flute. You settle down on the couch as you watch the snow fall outside.

"Comfortable?", as Pedro startles you as you turn around catching him standing in the threshold to the living room. He's in dark colored boxers revealing thick thighs. His hair was damp and tousled from the shower as you can now see his shapely chest is a bit damp, gold chain around his neck, arms and broad shoulders. You bit your lip as you attempt to catch your breath.

You notice no imagination was left as you gulped down the remaining champagne with one swift swig. You had to take your mind off his body as you turned on the TV. The 3 Stooges were on as Pedro joined you on the couch next you. You both laughed so hard at the antics between Larry, Moe and Curly even Shemp as you curled up right next to him. He was so warm and deliciously soft as his laughter curled your toes as you both looked on. His thick fingers were massaging your scalp as you're slowly falling asleep. You nodded off for a second as he looked down at you. Soon after you felt your body was being carried and placed on a soft surface as you woke up quickly. The room was pitch black but, you come to realize the room wasn't dark your eyes were covered by a blindfold. The front of your robe was being untied as you didn't fight it. Your bra went first as you followed the first command.

"Lay on your back querida", as you did what you were told resting on a soft Terry Cloth towel.

Strong hands covered in warm oil touch your feet as they're being massaged. A laviscous (Mmmm) falls from your lips as the massage to your feet feels like heaven. You can hear soft music playing on the TV screen putting you even more at ease. You hummed to the song as his thick hands ran over your pressure points of your legs removing all the bad tension you experienced earlier in the day.

"Have a taste birthday girl", whispers Pedro as you bite into a juicy red grape.

"Oh that's sweet".

"Anything for you babygirl".

You couldn't believe this was happening to you. It's not that you didn't deserved any of it. The gesture just caught you off guard. No man ever took the time to make sure you were pampered or cared for. So this alone made you feel off kilter.

"You want another?"

"Yes please".

He grabs another one to feed you.

"Open up", placing a grape between his lips.

You inch forward attempting to take a bite. But, he teases you by inching the grape from you. You feel something firm being tapped on your lips.

"Stop it will you", as he playfully laughs at you.

Pedro places the grape between his as he hovers over you. Placing his on top if yours as you run your tongue along his lips. You nibble on half of the grape that turns into a kiss. It was soft and sensual with such passion behind it. Then you felt his fingers grabbing the sides of your panties as he pulled them down as your body obliges as you raised legs in the air as he removed them. You purred like a kitten as your thighs were being massaged as you could feel butterflies fly again. Thumbs of pressure are applied as you could feel your legs being raised up one at a time as his strong hands worked their magic putting you at ease. Soft gasps and grunts trailed their way from you to Pedro's ears as a seal of approval. Your body started to react even more as Pedro continued to massage you as his hands ran circular motions over your breasts. These simple moves and techniques he was performing is sending your body into sensory overload. Trailing his thumbs to your neck took your mind entirely on the music as you could feel yourself getting wetter and wetter between your legs. Suddenly you were embarrassed as you didn't want to admit it. If a simple body massage from this man can get you all hot and bothered from just his touch alone, your mind piqued on what else he could possibly do.

"Lay on your stomach beautiful".

Pedro straddles you as warm oil touches your back as he rubs it in. Continues to work his magic all over your back.

"Please don't stop Pedro ".

"Anything for you carino".

He bends down to kiss you again. It's exquisite and erotic. He'a almost done as the next words falls from his lips.....

"Come sit on my face birthday girl".

You hesitate at first as the words of Selene go off in your head: "If it goes there, then it goes there".

That was the hint of confidence you needed as you crawled to sit on Pedro's face. You sit on his face as his nose hits your clit as you exclaim in surprise. Then your center is met with his tongue as you mewl on contact. His arms grab onto your legs holding you in place. You figured this would be over quickly since that's all you've ever experienced. So you set yourself up for not really being amazed. That all quickly changed as you felt long swipes against your pussy as you dug in to focus. Taking a hold of the headboard as you could feel the motions as you began to ride his face. You slipped up and looked down as your eyes are met with his dark and determined ones as you rode harder. His mouth felt so fucking good tasting and sucking on your clit as you neared absolute lunacy. You screamed his name begging him to keep going. Removing one hand from the headboard you reach for his soft dark colored locks holding him in place.

"DON'T....YOU....DARE....FUCKING....STOP....

PEDRO".

You beg as that coil pops your eyes cross as you let out crying scream. He wastes no time grabbing and tossing you onto your back as your still blindfolded. He yanks off his boxers by tossing them aside. He grabs your legs pulling you towards him as he rests his body weight on top of yours, as both of your noses are touching.

"Feliz Cupleanos Hermosa", he whispers kissing you again.

He reaches for the black box pulling out a gold wrapper. You can hear the tearing of it as he slide the condom over his very engorged cock. You bite down on lip as you know what about to come next. He rests his upper body on yours again.

"It's time that a real man show you what's it all about."

He lines up with your center as you feel the head of him slide in.

"Damn you're tight carino".

You couldn't take being in the dark anymore. You had to feast your eyes upon his. You wanted to see his face. Witness all the emotions he's about to lay upon you. His beautiful eyes, the laugh lines of his face, his kissable lips, the line creases in his forehead you witnessed a couple of times as the night went on. Every iota and piece of this man is in your presence of what you want to see. He starts to move inside as he grabs a hold of your legs pinning you under. His pace quickens along with your breathing as he's stroking within you. He feels so fucking good to you. He's clearly an enigma to you. As long as you can remember in the 2 years you've dated Malcolm his sexual prowness was never anything close to what this man is doing for you. Sex with Malcolm never had longevity between the sheets. No spark no passion of any kind. As one of your best friends Selene referred to Malcolm as "the one minute man" because of a special night you had planned for you and Malcolm became a bust. You shook all thoughts of your lack luster ex as you focus on what's in front of you. While still inside you Pedro picks you up flipping you to the top.

"You're a big girl..... show me what the birthday girl can do".

You ride him to no end. Which is something you never did with Malcolm because he would always dictate what positions. He never encouraged you in the regards of sex but, Pedro was different. He hyped you up as you rode and bounced on him as he rested on his back. You started to sweat which was something new. He sat up taking one of your breasts in his mouth. Tears fall down your face as you pushed onto your stomach as he covers his body onto yours. He enters you again as he pumps in and out of you again.

"You're my blessing Y/N".

"I can get use to this. Fucking you as I want".

"Bending you at my will as I fuck you".

"Tasting you before I fuck you".

"Seeing you like this is what I want Y/N".

"You begging for me as I fuck you"

"Wanting me. As I fuck you".

"Crying for me as I fuck you ".

"Screaming my name as I fuck you".

"Adoring me as much as I'm adoring right now".

"I can't see another face other than yours Y/N. As I fuck you".

"Cumming over and over on my dick as I fuck you".

You wish you could response to his nasty and lustful words but, the oncoming orgasm collides right into you. You're literally a bumbling sobbing mess as he pounds you into the mattress not letting up. Sweat from his body drips onto you as he begins to stiffen on top of you. He bit down on your shoulder as you screamed again he wails as he free falls into his own ecstasy. His body falls onto you finally catching his breath. You were spent but, you had the biggest smile on your face as you came down from your own high. Pedro rose from on top of you as he walked toward the bathroom. Rising your head you caught a glimpse of his bare ass as you snuck a pic of him. Too bad you left the flash on by accident as he caught it.

"Stop objectifying me".

"Sorry".

You hear a flush and the faucet running as he returns with a warm wash cloth. He rubs you down slowly cleaning you off. Something about paying attention to detail and tentiveness turned you on. You sit on his lap straddling him sharing more soft kisses.

"Sorry for biting you baby. Don't know what came over me".

"Don't apologize daddy"

"Daddy huh?".

"Oh, uh im sorry I shouldn't have said that".

You were embarrassed with the Freudian slip as you lowered your head.

"Hey. I didn't say that was a bad thing Y/N".

He lifts your face to meet his.

"Look at me. You can call me whatever you want. As long as I'm your man".

His admission to you caused an insufferable pause inside you. Butterflies returned to your stomach again fluttering uncontrollably. You couldn't give him an answer as your brain evaporated into a cloud.

"Maybe this will help you make up your mind".

Pedro kisses you again melting away all your doubt and worry. He made love and fucked you through the night until the next morning. You opened you eyes as your eyes took focus. Pedro was no where to be found. Suddenly the bed dips behind as warmth hits you and a warm mug is handed to you.

The aroma of hot chocolate awakens your senses as you take a sip.

"Mmmm. Thank you daddy".

"Your welcome Hermosa".

You take another sip as you look out upon the snowy horizon as it continues to fall with the sun peaking over the clouds. You notice the buildings as you see something familiar to you. Stepping out of bed Pedro walks up behind you as he drapes a massive warm blanket around you both. There's a billboard with you on it posing in the latest fashions. Your jaw dropped noticing how bold and big it was from where you were standing.

"See, its like what I said to you last night. I love waking up to your beautiful face".

He takes the mug from your gasp placing it on the end table. He grabs you picking you up into his arms.

"What are you doing Pedro?"

"About to show you how beautiful you are. Over and over again". Still in his arms you draw the curtains closed as he takes you back to bed again where he intends to keep you for most of the day.

Tagging my Pedro Pascal peeps: @stillearningmyself @dornish-queen @yespolkadotkitty @javierian @manuphantom @ohpedromypedros-main @ohpedromypedro @mayans-sauce @emmaveale123 @buttershea07 @berberriescorner @cydhouseofgryffindor @bwwmswirl @crossfitjesusinblackskinnyjeans @fangirl-life @mswarriorbabe80 @fineassvikings @littlemisspascal

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