#Nina: but you know what to do there is nothing to discuss

[lisafication]

This post is uh, extremely normal I swear

So hello yes I am absolutely On My Bullshit regarding my new favourite game. 

That’s right, it’s the cannibal incest game, The Coffin of Andy and Leyley. And I’m here to shove five thousand words of pretentious analysis down your throat because, and I do not exaggerate, I think it is one of, if not the best written game I have ever played. And I have played a lot of games, including Baldur’s Gate 3, Final Fantasy XIV and Undertale, to name a few narrative luminaries to come to mind.

That wordcount is not an exaggeration. My brainworms are extremely powerful and now you can share them with me as I walk you through my insane skyscraper of inference-driven analysis.

Or you can click away. I really wouldn’t blame you, it’s quite a lot.

Content Warnings: …Yes?

(To drop the bit for a moment, The Coffin of Andy and Leyley covers extremely disturbing material and challenges you to examine aspects of living in this world that many have taken for granted all their life, it is not a comfortable game, this will cover similar topics and will often echo the game’s unremitting scepticism on basic principles of society and humanity and you should look after yourself first. My Content Warning is framed as a joke, but it’s also quite real in that the game is designed to make you uncomfortable and there’s no shame in that not being for you.)

This was originally posted on and formatted for Sufficient Velocity, and you can probably more easily read and discuss it with me here.

With that said, let’s dig in. I have had to split this into multiple posts because tumblr will only allow so many images. There will be spoilers for all endings.

She’s excited, are you?

It’s All About Ashley

It really is, isn’t it? I mean, for approximately eighty percent of the total game as currently released and the entirety of Episode 1, you’re in control of Ashley, just as she’s in control of her and Andrew’s relationship for 80% of the game, up until the various ending sequences where it begins to slip. The only other characters who really matter at all in and of themselves are Andrew and her mother — and the former is under her thumb, and she eats the latter. It’s all about Ashley. Even her obsession with Andrew is, ultimately, about Ashley.

But who is Ashley? What is Ashley? Why is Ashley, even? Let’s take a look.

Ashley as presented to us in Episode 1 is very straightforward, so let’s list off the traits we’re given — she is malicious, she is fearless, she lacks empathy, she doesn’t have anything resembling a conscience, she demands Andrew belong to her and her alone, she has him at her beck and call.

In Episode 2, we’re ostensibly shown how she has him at her beck and call— she leverages the threat of reporting Nina’s death over him and had him swear to be with her forever. We’re shown that even as a child she was “just, like that” — but as a child, she hadn’t learnt to live with it yet, to laugh at the farce of it all.

Yeah, exactly like that!

And she does this throughout Episode 1 — The Coffin of Andy and Leyley is a remarkably silly game much of the time, finding moments of absurdity and levity against a backdrop blacker than pitch — and most of the time, your internal narration is coming from Ashley and the jokes will not-infrequently come at her own expense.

She will later get negged by her human sacrifice for her poor ritual circle drawing

Her reaction to being told that her soul is as dark and viscous as tar is “You guess you already knew that” — it’s confirmation to her, not new information. Ashley knows who she is. But who taught her this? There’s layers to this, nothing in this game is as simple and straightforward as it appears at first sight, which is why I’ve been obsessing over it for days.

While it’s common in fiction, the truth of the matter is, most ‘bad people’ really do think they’re good people. But Ashley has never once thought of herself as a good person — or perhaps better put as a person worthy of love — as we learn across Episodes 1 & 2, with our flashbacks to Andy and Leyley and the VERY VERY QUIET!!!

I really wish I had space in this essay to talk about this, but I’d like to touch on these being traits usually more easily forgiven in young boys than young girls at some point.

If she removes all other options, only then can she expect him to like her.

This is something that is echoed in the modern day — her seeming self-assurance is easily shaken and she reaches out to the world — usually Andrew — to affirm and validate her, soothing her insecurities, using any tool she deems necessary. Even when her life is on the line when Andrew has her by the throat at the climax of Episode 1, the only ‘compelling reason’ she can give Andrew to not kill her is her ability to soothe his nightmares. When he tells her there are sleeping pills for that…

Most people would have a bit more to argue for their existence.

While she, unlike Andrew, acknowledges having had friends before the quarantine… you know she’s got a point that they didn’t even bother to answer her calls, that was clearly not something the state was interfering with given Andrew’s calls with his mother and his girlfriend, and given her general demeanour it’s not hard to imagine that… they weren’t ever very close. When we see her and Nina talk in the infamous ‘box scene’, it’s clear that Nina doesn’t like her very much, despite Andrew’s assessment of Nina as being one of Ashley’s friends.

We see further support for her general lack of companionship in her dream sequence in the Burial route — Leyley and Leyley Alone. No matter what you do, you can’t place the pink plushy at the family table, the flowers won’t bloom if you give the Julia and Nina plushies her own as a companion instead of Andrew’s — and if you’re bold enough to go for the ‘incest route’, in the ‘Love’ room you see that no one ever looks happy to be with her in the childlike depictions of her history, nor is she happy in turn, save for when she’s with Andrew. In a bit of heavy-handed metaphor, the player then overwrites all of these tense, upset, hard moments with Andrew, having him fill in for everyone else in life — and happy with her.

Once Upon A Lousy Life…

THE END

And that’s why she needs him to affirm her, because no one else ever has and no one else ever will. It’s even included in their comic beats — when the siblings are getting along well, they’ll often play a game where Andrew dramatically overpraises Ashley while she demands more; it’s a comedic bit but I mean — it really does matter to her!

For the record, she opened a door. She gets a little heart in a speech bubble after this exchange.

We have a great example of this dynamic, that of insecurity and affirmation, in Episode 1, after Andrew has killed for her, butchered for her, his girlfriend broke up with her, he’s seemingly thrown his entire life away for her… she’s still insecure over her relationship with him, she’s uncertain of her control and she needs him to reaffirm it for her.

This is her victory, surely?

Andrew affirms her once, with his usual dead-eyed look.

But she's still not so sure.

He actively reaches out to affirm her again with cheer.

Look how happy she is!

While it’s most obvious and clear cut here, it’s hardly the only case. Let’s look back to the aftermath of Andy and Leyley and the VERY VERY QUIET!!! (I’m not using the other name). Leyley is, after similarly extreme acts — he murdered a girl and hid her body for her — convinced Andy doesn’t like her and she needs this leverage to keep him around, to meet her basic needs for survival. Because that’s what this is — she receives no care of affection elsewhere, so she forces it out of the only source she sees available through the means she sees as necessary.

I really hope we see some of their earlier childhood in Episode 3

What exactly made her like this? Was it just neglect, or something more specific…

She needs this to be the case because otherwise she doesn’t believe he’d stay.

This pattern repeats throughout — Ashley’s insecurities are hit on and she reaches out to Andy to affirm that she is not alone, and she will use any and every tool to exploit her ostensible control over him and force him to be what she needs him to be — and as long as she has that, as long as she is everything to him and it’s not possible for him to leave, she’s happy. As long as she thinks he loves her in her very particular, very peculiar view of love, she’s content, come what may. As long as Andy and Leyley are together, they can take on the world.

Let’s talk about that view of love, because there’s always more layers to unpack here I’m only scratching the surface with this essay — Ashley consistently refers to anyone else Andrew may have befriended or spent time with as a whore, a slut, a bitch — highly gendered insults that bring to mind the idea that he’s cheating in some way. But it’s not even about sex — when Andrew mentions that their parents had friends, she accuses them of cheating on each other in the same way!

There’s a lot to unpack about Ashley’s view of femininity and the role the patriarchy plays in their relationship.

Any kind of emotional engagement, any kind of commitment, any kind of life outside of your significant other is, to Ashley, cheating. Because that’s what she needs from Andrew, a seeming complete and total commitment, secure in her place as the only thing in his life, because she cannot understand anyone picking her if they have a choice.

This insecurity she has in her relationship is what drives her to empower the trinket — he can’t leave her as long as she can protect him with prophetic dreams, after all. She needs every kind of leverage she can get because until she succeeds in being everything to him, in devouring him so completely she has him in her thrall mind, body and soul she can’t be sure of herself — hell, her dream sequence in Burial has you placing Andrew’s signature green plushy, ‘the best thing in the world’ in a cage far away from anything else.

Ultimately, it really is all about Ashley — even her seeming obsession with Andrew ultimately comes back to her own insecurities. If she is everything to ‘the best thing in the world’, some of that ‘best’ must surely reflect on her! 

But that’s enough about the more normal, straightforward and understandable sibling. 

That was not a joke.

Andrew’s Rank 100 Deception

The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was convincing the world that he did not exist.

Let me explain.

You might have noticed that in the previous section I often use language such as ‘ostensibly’ or ‘seemingly’ to describe Andy and Leyley’s relationship, and there’s a good reason for that. From the beginning of the game through to its end, Andrew is lying to you, the player, without ever falsely representing or misinforming you about events that occurred.

The common, or obvious ‘initial take’ on Andrew as presented in Episode 1 is fairly straightforward. The game primes you to think this way, it frames things and strings reveals just right so as to make it very easy to overlook the incongruities it introduces in Episode 2. He’s a victim. Plain and simple, Ashley is his abuser and he is her victim and would be fine, a normal albeit kinda depressed guy without her.

It really is not a difficult conclusion to draw

You can go all the way through the game, have him try to accept his mother’s olive branch and enter the Decay route as a method for him to finally actualise his desire to get out from Ashley’s thumb and it makes sense, it’s a reasonable way for the story to go, given his character.

You see him this way because the game primes you in Episode 1 to view their relationship like Andrew does — he’s lying. He’s lying to himself, he’s lying to Ashley and he’s so good at it — Deception Rank 100 — he even lies to you. Without misrepresenting a single event or otherwise misleading you directly, the game gets you to buy into his preferred self-perception. Nina? Ashley. Julia? Ashley. The murders they commit in the course of the game? Ashley, Ashley, Ashley, it’s not his fault he’s not to blame he’s just a doormat at the beck and call of his demonic sister.

But he wants to be there. From the very outset, the very first puzzle, that’s made clear. Does anyone else remember this exchange, from right at the beginning of the game?

Ashley wants to investigate the music!

Andrew disapproves…

…Or does he?! 

Like. Listen. Okay. You do not frown when saying ‘Nope’ and then smile when saying that you’ll instead tag along if they do it if your heart is at all in the no. That’s not an objection, that’s using Ashley as his excuse. Especially if you immediately throw her the balcony key that she could not possibly have gotten from you by force (more on Andrew’s ability to use force later).

This is the very first time you control both characters together with Andrew following Ashley instead of off on his own, the first adventure, the first puzzle! 

But put a pin in that for now, let’s talk about his initial framing in Episode 2 first. Episode 1 has set us up to, generally speaking, believe the superficial framing of the siblings as portrayed in its promotional art:

The question that we then ask, right at the heart of it is… why is he a doormat? We explore this in his dream sequence in Episode 2, which does make it clear that the boy’s not okay but— it’s real easy, given the priming from Episode 1 to make you think that he’s the one with the originally functional moral compass, to think that that him being fucked up is damage done to him by Nina’s death and being bound to Ashley for his entire life. She corrupted him.

But, well, is that the case?

You're primed to ignore this as manipulation (which it is) but the best manipulation has some truth to it.

Precisely two things spur Andrew to action in the entire game, consistently — they are the fear of consequences and Ashley. And the first incident of that fear, the very first time we’re shown his seeming moral compass as a kid — the first time it’s really hammered home that it’s a fear of consequences rather than any true moral qualms is after Nina’s death. And why does he fear consequences here?

……

The ‘natural’ read that many take away from this sequence, particularly those who have only played Decay, is that Ashley browbeat him into doing this against his will, using emotional blackmail to overwhelm his objections, and then used the event itself to bind him to her forever as her personal doormat.

In a strict sense, this is true. But this doesn’t match up with the details, something the game uses shock to encourage you to overlook. That outburst is before any kind of threat has been made, and absolutely nothing either of them say anything about it being morally bad until Ashley weaponises ‘you’re a bad person’ against Andrew — morality didn’t seem to enter his mind or the equation at all until Ashley brought it up. More than that, his greatest fear and driving motivation even prior to that is, as shown above, being taken away from Ashley.

She, of course, recognises this and uses it against him. But she never needed to, it didn’t change anything about Andrew’s attachment to her, it was there to address her own insecurities.

Just like to touch on how a lot of his affirmations are preceded by him confirming her insecurities.

I adore this phrasing

There’s a second prong to this as well, to the question of ‘who really calls the shots here’ because — Andrew can, at any stage, apply an ‘ultimate veto’ of physical violence. The game is very clear to the player that that is on the table — even when they were children, when Andy swears their blood oath, he briefly considers killing her — and take note of how he ultimately got a ‘winning’ condition out of her by not specifying there wouldn’t be others and she is forced to accept that, there. Even outside of their most serious confrontations, Ashley is portrayed as having to convince, manipulate or otherwise coerce Andrew into going along with her schemes — she really can’t make him do anything, she doesn’t have the supremacy in violence and, to a lesser extent, capability that would allow her to. 

Andrew, you are like ten years old.

The truth of the matter is, Ashley can only make Andrew do anything because he lets her. I don’t mean in the sense that I’m saying abuse victims let their abusers emotionally abuse them, I mean in the sense that he is clearly considering his options on the table and choosing to discard those that could stop her, or bring an end to any of this. He needs her.

But it’s true that he hates her, too. He has to hate her, because if he doesn’t hate her, if he isn’t forced to have done this, that means… he’s responsible. And nothing, at the start of the story, is as important to Andrew as avoiding the consequences of his own actions, not even Ashley. By the midpoint, he loves her, he hates her, he can’t live without her, he wants to kill her — by the end… well, that depends if you’re on Decay or Burial, but more on that in a bit.

A great scene to study for this dynamic is the climax of Episode 1, when Andrew grabs Ashley by the throat and considers strangling her to death. She’s pushed him too far with hurtful words and assault, and he’s seemingly had enough.

It’s still framed as a question of risk, of consequences happening to him. 

Like, this is not the usual behaviour of someone who’s been pushed past their breaking point.

He tells Ashley that he wants to kill her, because she’s just going to throw another fit and that’s a risk to him. She is… not framed as being able to fight back (she does have a gun here, and more on that in a later essay, maybe). He’s so calculated in how he approaches his use of violence here, which isn’t at all what you’d expect of someone about to commit a crime of passion… but it’s very easy to overlook because of the abuser/victim narrative that the player fits his behaviour into the narrative that the game primes them to accept, brushing incongruities under the carpet.

At the start of Episode 2, we get to control Andrew for the first time, and the first obvious holes in his cover start to show. Some of this is optional — you only learn that he’s been faking having nightmares in order to share a bed with Ashley if you choose to go back into the motel room and check the bed, for example — but not all of it.

----(See reblogs for the second half)

[heavenlyhischier]

𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐓𝐰𝐨

word count: 6.2k

summary: You finally arrive in Switzerland and take a trip to Nico's hometown. Nothing can go wrong, right?

warnings: angst (sorta. at the end), drinking mentioned, not edited, probably some inaccurate descriptions of Switzerland, but I did my best ahaha, poorly translated german!!!

note: thank you guys for the love on the first part! i hope you enjoy this as much. my inbox is always open for questions or concerns!

series masterlist | prev part

JULY 2023

The plane rides to Switzerland were arguably the worst experiences of your life, when it came to air travel at least. First, people at the terminals were absolutely miserable and rude to you from the moment you stepped foot in the airports until you sat in your seat on the plane. Second, you almost missed your flight after your overnight layover because the hotel shuttle broke down. Then, you were unfortunately seated next to the seemingly one person on the plane who snored while they slept. On top of all of that, you were in the middle seat for both flights. 

Needless to say, you had had enough of planes for the time being and you wouldn’t be upset if you stayed in Switzerland for the rest of your life if it meant never having to do that again. The only thing that got you through all of that without crying your eyes out were Nico’s excited texts about your arrival, and also Jack, who had to talk you down from fighting one of the terminal women at the airport after Charlie called him in a panic. 

Once you and Charlie had gone through the proper channels to be granted clearance and had your suitcases, you searched the sea of people bustling around the airport for Nina, Nico’s sister. You’d only seen her in pictures, but Nico had made her send you a picture of what she would be wearing to make her a little easier for you to spot. You were grateful that she had, because you’re not sure you would’ve found her if it weren’t for knowing she was wearing a bright yellow top. 

“Hello,” She beams, her smile just as bright and her accent thicker than her brothers, “It’s so nice to finally meet you! Nico has not shut up about you since he got back home.”

Your cheeks instantly flushed a deep shade of pink as you let the man to her left take your suitcase, while she grabbed at Charlie’s. You’d known Nico had told his sister about your arrival and trip, but you didn’t think there was enough to tell that would’ve had him discussing you for the last two months. Though, you were going to choose to not dwell or read too much into it. Maybe it was a simple mistranslation. 

“It’s nice to finally meet you, too,” You grinned, letting her pull you forward into a hug, “I’ve heard so much about you over the years.” 

“Hopefully good things,” She teases as she gently squeezes you, “This is my boyfriend, Finn.”

You step out of Nina’s grasp and take Finn’s outstretched hand, a warm smile on your face as you introduce yourself. Once Charlie had made her own introductions, Nina was ready to set off towards the car. She relayed an apology from Nico, mentioning how he desperately tried to get out of the prior commitment just so that he was able to pick the two of you up. You had to ignore Charlie’s not-so-subtle elbow into your rib cage as she snickered. 

“I’ll be sure to tell him not to worry. After all, he’s letting us stay in his house for free,” You lightly laughed, handing your backpack to Finn as he loaded the trunk. 

“Yes, he told me about that. He said you are quite stubborn, in the best way,” She had a mischievous smile toying on her face, “He was ready to give up the entire place, but he said you wouldn’t let him.”

“Yeah,” You shyly laughed, “I’m not putting him out of his own home. I don’t mind sharing a bed with Charlie.”

Nina slightly raised her brows at you, giving you a teasing smile when she noticed the blush that was still decorating your cheeks. You averted your gaze away from the woman in front of you, trying to not think about how much Nico had told his sister about you. Trying to ignore the stampede of butterflies in your stomach.

“Thank you,” You and Charlie said at the same time as Finn grabbed the last of your bags, earning an amused look from the Swiss natives in front of you. 

Nina offered either one of you the front seat, but you both declined and slid into the back instead. The drive there was filled with her pointing out landmarks or important shops, with Finn chiming in every once in a while despite his English being slightly off. You made a mental note to learn more words in their language to better communicate with him, and the other Swiss born people you’d encounter. You tried to learn the language as best as you could over Duolingo without asking Nico, but that proved to be more difficult than you’d anticipated. 

Nearly halfway through the drive to the apartment, you’d gotten a text from Nico that mentioned how sorry he was for not only him not being there, but for also sticking you with his sister until he was done. You bit your lip in order to prevent yourself from smiling, though it didn’t necessarily work based on Nina’s smirk when she glanced back at you. Your response was simple, telling him that it was perfectly fine, that you loved his sister, and you were excited to see what he had in store. 

When Finn pulls up to Nico’s complex, he leaves the car running outside the main front door and jumps out to grab your suitcases from the trunk. You slip out of the backseat, Charlie following suit as the two of them nearly shove you away as they grab your bags. Finn mumbles something to Nina before placing a gentle kiss to her lips and getting back into the car. 

“He said wait here until he parks the car,” Nina translated, hands on her hips as she watches him drive off, “So, you and my brother are not…?”

The question caught you so off guard that you slightly choke on the air in your lungs, your eyes widening as Charlie let out a loud laugh. “We’re just friends,” You explained, your voice slightly cracking in embarrassment.

“I don’t buy it,” She shrugs nonchalantly, her brow quirking as she looks at you, “I know my brother, and you’re quite obvious too, you know.”

“Oh, I know,” Charlie snorted, ignoring the scowl you sent her way.

“We’re just friends,” You repeated, your voice much softer as you stared at your shoes. 

Though Nina still didn’t believe you, she dropped the subject and fell into conversation with Charlie as you sat with your thoughts. It was a secret to none, except for Nico himself apparently, that you had feelings for him, and you’re not sure how you plan to keep those tucked away for the next week and a half. Nina’s subtle comments about how much he spoke about you were not helping you, either. In fact, they were letting you drift back over into the possibility of him liking you back. 

Finn quickly returned, taking only your suitcase after you put up a stubborn argument when he tried to carry your backpack as well. Nina translated for the both of you in amusement, laughing with Charlie when you placed your hands on your hips and shook your head at Finn. After your small, harmless debate had been settled, you followed them inside and up to Nico’s apartment. While you were in the elevator, you felt your phone buzzing in your back pocket, and you saw Nico’s name on the screen. 

“Hello,” You answered, turning away from the smug smiles of the three of them. 

“Hey! Did you guys make it to the apartment,” He asks, only the quiet hum of passing traffic being heard in the background, “I’m on my way now. I made them let me leave early.”

“Yeah, we’re in the elevator right now,” You told him, a light blush decorating your cheeks simply from speaking to him, “You didn’t have to leave early. We would’ve been fine.”

“Oh, he left early,” You heard Charlie’s teasing whisper followed by Nina’s giggle.

“I wanted to. I’ll be there in about ten minutes, so I will see you soon,” His voice was slightly softer than usual, almost as if he was trying to hold himself back from something. 

“Great, see you soon,” You bashfully spoke, all too aware of the audience behind you. 

You disconnected the call, avoiding turning around to see what you know are going to be playful grins and relentless comments on how red your face had gotten. Luckily, the elevator had reached Nico’s floor, and Nina was slipping past you to lead the way. Shaking your head when Charlie winked at you, you followed the two of them down the hallway until you reached what you assume is Nico’s apartment since Nina’s fishing around her bag for a set of keys. 

When she finally gets the door unlocked, she pushes it open and gestures for the two of you to step inside. Your eyes are dancing around the apartment, drinking in all of the little details and decorations that littered the space. Pictures of his family and friends hung on the wall, but there was one picture in particular that stood out to you.

It was a picture of just the two of you that had been taken less than four months ago, after their win over the Rangers. You had tagged along with the guys and their partners out to some small diner to celebrate their win, and you ended up next to Nico at the table. You later learned it was not a happy accident courtesy of Nicole. The two of you were talking and having a good time when you had tipped your chair too far backwards, sending you toppling over. 

Nico, being the kind person he is, had tried to prevent you from falling, but instead, he went crashing down with you. The two of you laid on the floor, laughter echoing around you as you looked at him. You had no idea anyone had even taken a picture of the two of you, but it made something swell inside of your heart at the thought of Nico not only  knowing, but even caring enough to print it out.

“Let me show you the guest room,” Nina’s voice tears you out of your trance.

Both girls share knowing, teasing looks with each other, earning an eye roll from you as you follow Nina down the short hallway. She pushes open a door, her and Finn rolling the suitcases into the decently sized bedroom. You rush around Charlie, quickly moving to claim your side of the bed before she can do it.

The bedroom isn’t anything grand, but it looks extremely comfortable and cozy. The fluffy comforter is a light blue color with matching pillowcases that told you it likely came in a set. The walls in the room were sparsely decorated, but there was a full length mirror tucked in a corner with a small table next to it that was perfect for getting ready. There was also a TV that appeared to still have the plastic protective film over it sitting atop a nice wooden dresser.

The view outside the window made your jaw drop and your eyes slightly widen, the thought of never leaving returning again, but for a much better reason now. You had only seen very little of what the city had to offer, but you were already absolutely enchanted by it in its entirety. There was absolutely nothing that could compare. 

“I’ll let you guys get settled and wait for Nico in the main room,” Nina softly spoke, “If you need help, just yell!”

“Thank you,” You gave her a small smile. 

You and Charlie fall into a comfortable silence as you begin taking things out of your suitcases and bags. There was a small closet that you divided equally, and you also split the six drawer dresser between the two of you. You left your toiletries and other items on the exposed space of the dresser, not wanting to take up any bathroom space. You were in the middle of tucking your suitcase under the bed when you heard his voice.

“Well, come on,” Charlie playfully rolls her eyes as she watches you debate going out there. 

She doesn’t wait for you as you briefly remain in your spot, your hands trembling with nerves, but you follow shortly after. Your heart is pounding in your chest as you round the corner, and you’re not entirely sure why. You knew you were going to be seeing him, so why were you so nervous? 

“Hey Nico,” Charlie greets, letting him pull you into a side hug.

He greets her in return, but his eyes don’t leave your figure once he notices you hesitating near the hallway. The three of them notice the way Nico seems to have let them fade away, his focus now being you and only you. Nico’s arm is so loose around Charlie that she barely feels a difference when she steps away from them, her smirk matching that of Nina and Finn as Nico steps towards you. 

Your eyes never stray away from his, everyone around you blending in with the background, as you watch him approach you with bated breath. Nico has the small smile on his face that he always does, but it makes your heart swell all the same. He instantly pulls you into his chest, his arms wrapping around your neck as your own wrap around his torso.

Nina shares a look with the two others as she shakes her head in amusement before she moves into the kitchen. Finn follows suit, Charlie shortly after, leaving you and Nico in the main room alone. Your head is pressed against his chest as you relish in the feeling of his arms encasing you. You could stay there forever if you had the opportunity. 

“Missed you,” Nico bashfully mumbles, making your already red cheeks deepen in color.

“Missed you, too,” You whisper against him.

“I’m excited to show you my home,” He says as he pulls away, his hands lingering on your arms a tad longer than necessary, “I have a lot planned for us.”

The first couple of days Nico showed the two of you around Bern, taking you to all of his favorite spots, and spots he thought the two of you would enjoy. He let you guys have control of when you went, but he gave some guidance because certain places were best to see at certain times. He also gave you the option to say no every time he brought up something he wanted you guys to see, but you never did. Both of you wanted to see everything that you could. 

The third day you were there, Nico mentioned that his parents wanted to host dinner for everyone, but he made it clear you didn’t have to go to that either. He reiterated that it was your trip and if you didn’t want to spend the little time you had with his family, he completely understood. You had given him a pointed look when you told him you would love to go and that it would never be anything except an honor to have them host you for dinner. 

You had spent the majority of the day relaxing and wandering around the city with Charlie while Nico had gone off to do something work related for the morning. The two of you arrived  back at his apartment an hour before you were supposed to leave, and you took turns showering before getting yourselves ready for the dinner. You were sitting on the floor in front of the mirror doing your hair when you noticed a receipt on the floor poking out underneath the table.

Curiosity always gets the best of you, so you reach for the paper and pull it out to look at it. The words were in a language you didn’t really understand, but the date was something you could clearly read. It was dated only a couple of days before your arrival and it had four things listed on it, so you opened your phone to do your best google translating job. 

Mirror. TV. Side table. Comforter set. 

Nico had bought a mirror, the comforter set, the side table, and a goddamn TV for the room before you got there. You’re positive he would’ve done this for anyone who was visiting and staying in his house, but you couldn’t help but let the warm feeling in your chest spread throughout your body. Nico had a big heart and he would always go to great lengths to make those he cared about as comfortable as possible, and regret from all of the times you let your unnecessary feelings push him away flooded your body. 

You didn’t have much time to dwell on that when you heard him walking through the door. Nico quickly popped his head in the room and to tell the two of you he was going to shower and change and then they would head to the train station. You and Charlie finished getting ready and waited for him in the living room, talking about how much fun you were having so far. It didn’t take Nico long to come out of his room freshly showered and changed, and he looked good. 

He had changed into a pair of simple white shorts and he had on a black shirt that had an unrecognizable logo above where his heart was. It wasn’t anything over the top, but it still made you flush with warmth as you looked at him. Charlie elbowed you in the side when she noticed the way your stare lingered on him, a quiet snicker passing through her lips. 

“Are you guys ready,” He asks, his cheeks tinged slightly pink. You assume it’s from how quickly he got ready, but Charlie knew better.

“We’ve been waiting on you,” You tease, playfully rolling your eyes.

“Yeah yeah,” He laughs as carefully brushes past you, “Let’s go then. Our train leaves soon.”

“Why are we taking a train again,” Charlie asks while the two of you follow Nico out of his apartment, letting him lock it behind you.

“It’s the quickest way to my home city. It’s an hour by train and two hours by car,” He says over his shoulder.

The three of you took the short trip to the train station, the car ride full of Charlie practicing her German with Nico who laughed at her attempts, but corrected her with grace. You yourself had recruited Nina’s help in learning and understanding the language, a little too embarrassed to ask for Nico’s help even though you knew he wouldn’t judge you. 

When you arrived at the station, Nico made sure that everyone had everything before guiding the two of you inside. It was busier than you thought, but Nico said most things there were since it was the summer months. His eyes kept glancing behind him to make sure the two of you were behind him, and he made sure to give you a small smile each time you made eye contact with him. He could tell you were becoming overwhelmed at the amount of people, and he wanted to take your hand in his own to calm you down, but he knew he couldn’t do that.

When you finally made it onto the train, Nico guided you to your seats, gesturing for the two of you to sit before he did. You took the seat by the window, and Charlie gave you a subtle wink as she took the seat across from you instead of next to you. You carefully narrowed your eyes at her, but she looked away with a smug look on her face. 

Nico took the seat next to you as the three of you fell into a comfortable silence. You kept your hands clasped in your lap, silently cursing Charlie but simultaneously thanking her at the same time. She was only doing what you were scared to do. The feeling of his thigh pressed against your own made your mind hazy as you kept your eyes trained on the platform outside of the window, watching as people rushed by. 

Charlie, who couldn’t stay quiet longer than five minutes to save her life, started asking about what the rest of the week had in store even though he’d told you a hundred times. Nico indulged Charlie’s questions, though his eyes kept flitting to you as you stayed quiet in your seat. He wanted to ask you if you were okay, but he felt like it wasn’t the place for that. Though you were fine, except for the always impending realization that your feelings for the man next to you seemed to grow every day.

You started joining in on the conversation not too long after the train ride started. It was a mixture of topics ranging from what you were going to do now that you graduated to Charlie’s complicated relationship with Jack. Charlie had noticed the way both you and Nico had subconsciously shifted your bodies towards each other, but she chose to silently observe rather than embarrass you both like you did to her. 

When the train reached the station in Nico’s hometown, you couldn’t help but feel slightly nervous. You felt as if you had to make a good impression on Nico’s parents and you were nervous that you were going to screw it up. What if your outfit was too much? Too little? What if you tried to speak to them in their native language and you embarrassed yourself?

Both Charlie and Nico could see the worry on your face, and she gave it a moment to see if he would step in. She watched him hesitate, but ultimately had backed down so she could step in. Charlie grasped your hand in her own, giving it a gentle squeeze as the two of you followed Nico out towards where Luca said he would be waiting. 

As soon as the brothers saw each other, they were loudly greeting each other as they pulled the other into their embrace. You couldn’t help but notice the way his entire face lit up the moment he saw his brother. You weren’t used to him looking so truly carefree that it put a smile on your face, and it made you wish that he could feel that happiness all the time. 

Nico lets go of his brother and introduces him to the two of you. Luca, much like his sister did, tugs you into his arms as he says, “So nice to meet you. Nico has told me a lot.”

Your face instantly heats up, as does Nico’s as you step out of Luca’s hold and keep your gaze on the ground. Charlie quietly mumbles about how much she loves this family before letting Luca hug her aswell. You are intensely aware of Nico’s proximity to you, but you’re too flustered to glance at him. Truthfully, he’s a little embarrassed himself that his brother exposed him so freely.

“Well, let’s get going,” Luca claps his hands together, “Mom is excited to see everyone.”

The ride to their home was fairly short, but Nico and Luca pointed out a few of their favorite spots from when they were children. It was a cute town, full of life and character that most towns in the United States could only dream of having. Each new thing you saw had you completely enamored, and furthered the idea that you could stay forever. 

The four of you climbed out of the car and headed towards the house, and you had forced yourself to put on your best facade of confidence to mask the nerves that rippled from your chest. Charlie looked nervous herself, but the both of you knew it was for a far different reason than you were. 

You admired the outside of his parent’s home as you walked up the path to the front door. It was nothing grand, but it was beautiful. They had a blooming garden tucked underneath what you assumed is the window in the main room. They had adorable outdoor trinkets perfectly littered in the yard, and they even had the most beautiful bird bath you’d ever seen.

Luca opened the front door, announcing your arrival as he gestured for you guys to follow him inside. You guys step into the entryway, toeing your shoes off in lieu of Luca and Nico. You let your eyes wander around you, taking in all the pictures that decorate the walls. A small smile makes its way on your face when you notice a picture of Nico when he was younger dressed as one of the Ninja Turtles for what you’re assuming was Halloween. Though with children, it could’ve been a random Tuesday afternoon. 

Your heart slams into your rib cage as the voices of Nico’s parents fill your ears, shortly followed by the sound of footsteps approaching you. Nico watches as you fiddled with your fingers and chewed on your bottom lip, and he’s brought back to the moment he first saw you. You were sporting a similar worried look, and you were even wearing a similar dress. The one thing that hadn’t changed, though, was that Nico still thought you were the most beautiful girl in the world.

“Hallo, meine söhne,” Nico’s mother softly speaks as she wraps her arms around Luca, followed by Luca. (Hello, my sons)

“Hallo mama,” Nico greets, returning her affection, “This is Y/N and Charlie.”

“Oh, hello,” She beams, her accent thick and clasping her hands in front of her as she looks at you, “It’s so nice to finally meet you two! I’m Katja. Do you mind if I give you a hug? We are huggers in this family!’

“Of course,” You shyly smiled, stepping into her outstretched arms. Her embrace brought a sort of comfort to you that made you feel at ease and welcomed. 

“Sie ist sehr schön, Nico. Warum ist sie nicht schon wieder deine Freundin,” She teases as she looks at her youngest child, though you can only understand a few words of what she said. (She's very beautiful, Nico. Why isn't she your girlfriend again?)

“Er ist eine muschi,” Luca laughed, earning a shove from his brother. (He’s a pussy)

Katja let go of you as she passed you an adoring smile, turning around to briefly scold her two boys before pulling Charlie into a hug. You let your eyes fall on Nico and you noticed the way his neck and cheeks had reddened, so whatever his mother and brother said must’ve been poking fun at him. You weren’t entirely sure what they had said, but you made out the words ‘beautiful’, ‘why’, and ‘she’. 

“Where’s dad,” Nico asks, clearing his throat as he slightly steps towards you.

“In the kitchen. Nina and Finn said they will be here soon as well,” She smugly smiles at the way her son seems to drift towards you, whether he’s aware of it or not.

“Is there anything I can help with,” You speak up, swallowing the nervous lump in your throat. 

“Absolutely not! You are a guest here. You kids go in the main room and chat. Dinner will be done soon,” She waved the four of you off, subtly raising her eyebrows at Nico as he passes by her. 

Nico trails behind you as the four of you fall into the living room, and it’s almost like Charlie and Luca had made a silent agreement to force you and Nico by each other when they sat on the sofa and stretched their limbs out. You playfully roll your eyes at your friend as you sat on the smaller sofa, Nico shaking his head as he took the seat next to you. You ignore Charlie who keeps glancing at the empty recliner, instead focusing on Luca as he begins asking the two of you about your time so far.

Nina and Finn arrive not too long after, the middle child taking immediate notice to the way her brother has his arm loosely slung around the back of the cushion behind you and the way you seemed to lean into him. Luca had taken over the recliner so the couple could sit on the couch, Charlie greeting them before everyone fell back into conversation. 

Rino, Nico’s father, comes in when the six of you are discussing potential plans for later in the evening and announces that dinner is ready. A trail of hungry stomachs file into the dining area, everyone taking seats at the table. Katja is on one end followed by Nico, you, and Charlie while the others are on the other side with Nina directly across from you. 

“What do you girls do for a living,” Rino asks as they begin passing food around the table.

“We actually just graduated. I majored in digital marketing, and I landed an internship with Ralph Lauren,” You bashfully admitted at the slight bragging moment. 

“Congratulations! Nico told us about that, I believe,” Katja nonchalantly added.

Your face flushed as you take the dish from Nico’s hands, his eyes full of mortified apology. Charlie comes to your rescue by going on about her own major, the attention shifting on to her instead of you. You weren’t necessarily embarrassed by the things they had been saying, it just caught you off guard. They were making it increasingly difficult to deny yourself the pleasure of knowing that he didn’t feel the same. It was causing a war within your brain and heart.

The rest of the dinner went by with minimal teasing comments, and you had a fantastic time. You felt slightly guilty when his family would stumble over their English, and you made a point to tell them they didn’t have to do that the entire time. Katja was quick to wave you off and say that it was no problem and they needed to practice. However, you and Charlie both said you needed to practice too, so you compromised. You would speak to them in German and they would speak to you in English. It did not go very well on your end.

You refused to let his parents clean up dinner without your help, telling them how disappointed your mother would be if she found out you didn’t help. Once they realize you’re not backing down they end up letting you help Nico with the dishes while Charlie and Nina are tasked with cleaning the table. Luca and Finn corral Katja and Rino into the living, telling them to relax before they pick up the leftover tasks.

“Sorry about my family,” Nico quietly speaks after a brief silence, taking the dishes you hand him to dry.

“You have nothing to apologize for,” You laugh, “I love them. They’re amazing.”

“Yeah, but I mean the- I’m sorry about their comments,” He shyly admits, clearing his throat as he intently analyzes the plate in his hands.

Your movements still, the warm water running over the dishes as you let your gaze settle on him. The light above the sink illuminates his face in a way that’s almost certainly angelic. His brown eyes seemingly deepen in color under the light, and it makes your knees weak even though he isn’t even looking at you. His Adam's apple bobs as your silence starts to worry him, but when he turns his head he sees you’re already looking at him.

He sees the ghost of a smile toying at your lips when he meets your eyes. Your hair has delicately fallen in your face, and he knows you’ve tried to push it back countless times only for it to happen again. He knew it bugged you, and before he could realize what he was doing, he had placed the plate on the counter and he was reaching for the loose strands.

When you saw Nico’s hand reaching for you, you breath caught in your throat and you swear your heart stopped beating. You kept his gaze, your eyes slightly wider in anticipation as his fingers grazed your cheek. He pushed the hair that had annoyingly fallen in your face behind your ear, your mouth dropping open when he kept his palm against your cheek. 

The two of you stare at each other, nothing but the sound of the running water filling your ears. His thumbs moves in the smallest of movements against your skin that you almost don’t feel it, but the action still sends shivers down your spine. Your breathing stutters, and you swear that he starts to move closer to you, but you’re interrupted.

“Are you guys do–,” Luca’s voice cuts through the tension between you, causing the two of you to spring apart, “Oh, I’m very sorry. Carry on, but we do want to leave soon.”

Luca has a smug smile on his face, one that rivals the many you’ve seen on Jack. He hastily walks backwards out of the kitchen, but not before tossing his brother a wink. Humiliation fills your veins as you quietly go back to washing the last few dishes in silence, not trusting yourself to speak. However, Nico mistakes your silence as a sign that he had misread the situation and he puts all of his focus on getting done.

The two of you finish not too long after, filtering out into the main room where the others are waiting to leave. There was no subtlety in their glances, but you ignored it and walked to stand by Charlie before they began going over the plan again. The six of you were going to some bar that they love and meet up with some of Nico’s old friends before coming back to sleep.

After everyone was in agreement, you split into two cars and made your way to the bar. Charlie was texting you the entire drive, trying to get the details of what happened in the kitchen, but you told her it was nothing. She didn’t believe you, saying she’s been third wheeling the whole time and there’s just no way it was nothing. Though she dropped it when you asked her how Jack was doing, noting that he hadn’t been texting you nearly as often as her. 

When you arrived at the destination, you filed out of the car and fell in line with Nina and Finn as they led the way inside. Nerves were pricking your skin the closer you got, suddenly feeling more out of place than you had the entire trip. You were no longer going to be surrounded by strangers, you were going to be surrounded by people from Nico’s life here. The thought alone made you nauseous. 

Luca trailed behind you as you walked inside and through the sea of people, quite a few of them greeting Nico and his siblings with smiles and hello’s. You felt small when their gazes would fall on you and Charlie, your mind wandering to the most anxious thoughts of what they could be saying about you. With one glance at you, Nico could see through the thin veil of calmness you had draped over yourself.

As Nina and Finn settled at the table, Nico was leaning down to your ear as he spoke, “Do you want to go with me to get a drink?”

You quickly nodded, knowing the alcohol would help ease some of the nerves. You asked Charlie if she wanted anything, but she said she was fine for now and that she would get something later. You followed Nico up to the bar, making a few stops so he could talk to someone, sitting on the bar stool he gestured to. 

Nico placed his hand on the exposed part of the seat, his arm pressed against your back as he leaned forward to order a round of drinks for everyone. You tried not to let the effects of his touch show, but anyone who knew you could see that it left you frazzled. He looks down at you, giving you a small smile to attempt and bring you some sort of comfort, and it works at first. Until you hear the sound of a delicate voice directly behind you.

“Nico! Ich wusste nicht, dass du in der Stadt bist.” (​​Nico! I didn't know you were in town.)

You glance over your shoulder, noticing the way Nico quickly retracts his arm to his side as he slightly turns towards her. A beautiful blonde girl stands there with a bright smile on her face, and it feels like an exceptionally harsh reminder that you were virtually nobody even more so here than you were in Jersey. You watch as they engage in a brief conversation you barely understood before she looks at you.

“Uh, Y/N, this is Julia. She’s an old friend,” Nico awkwardly introduces, not looking away from her as you turn towards them.

You try not to read too far into his body language, but he makes it difficult when he completely turns away from you. He angles himself so that he’s covering a quarter of your body, and it makes your body heat up in embarrassment. You cast your eyes to the ground, but what the girl in front of you says nearly knocks the wind out of you.

“Don’t be silly, Nico. I’m his ex-girlfriend.”

next part

[fallstaticexit]

Prev / Next / Beginning

Trigger Warning: Drug Use (Marijuana) / Discussion of death & loss / Transcript under the cut

Nancy: Are you going to tell me where we’re going?

Vanessa: Ever heard of savoring the moment? Basking in the adventure of the unknown?

Nancy: This sounds like a slasher film in the making.

Vanessa: You’re no fun, but fine. We’re going to my secret spot.

Nancy: Why are you taking me? What if I told someone about it?

Vanessa: You said you’re not a narc. Besides, we broke bread together.

Nancy: Oh, I see. I have dirt on you, so now you have dirt on me?

Vanessa: Wooow, Blondie! You have some serious trust issues.

Nancy: [mutters] Well. I don’t know you all that well..

Vanessa: I’m not mad. That makes sense. That just means I have to work extra hard to get you to trust me. I must warn you, I’m annoyingly persistent.

Nancy: What?

Vanessa: Nothing!

Nancy: Ok, seriously. What are we doing here?

Vanessa: Looking for my stash...ah fuck! Did someone jack my- ah-ha! Here she is!

Nancy: Who?

Vanessa: [sings] Mary Jane, I love her just the same.

Nancy: You brought us all the way out here to smoke pot?

Vanessa: What, you’d rather do it in front of the nuns? Get in here.

Vanessa: So, what’s your deal?

Nancy: My deal?

Vanessa: Yeah, like, why are you here? I doubt you saw a packet in the mail and thought, ‘I’d sure love to spend my senior year at a boring Catholic boarding school’. Unless you heard about all the hot guys here, then that makes sense.

Nancy: Wasn’t my idea.

Vanessa: Ok. So, what happened?

Nancy: [huffs] Well, if I talk about it then it never goes away, does it? That’s kind of the whole point.

Vanessa: [hums] Well, you’re in the right place, that’s for sure.

Vanessa: [murmurs] All you have to do is pray, and it all goes away.

Nancy: What’s your story?

Vanessa: Not much of a story. I was raised in the church. Heir to my family’s fortune. Blah blah blah. You know how it is, being a Landgraab and all.

Nancy: It wasn’t always like that. My brother was supposed to be next in line, but he died when I was 4.

Vanessa: Fuck, I’m sorry.

Nancy: It’s- I barely remember him, so..

Vanessa: [after a beat] My mom died giving birth to me. My father says I’ll spend the rest of my life being great to atone for it. That’s actually all he says to me.

Nancy: I don’t think my father knows he even has a daughter. I bet he doesn’t know the color of my eyes- he hasn’t looked me in them my whole life.

Vanessa: [laughs] What the fuck? We're really messed up, huh? You know, you’re not like any of the other girls here.

Nancy: Is that a bad thing?

Vanessa: No. I’m not like any of them either.

Nancy: [coughs aggressively]

Vanessa: [laughs] Don’t swallow it! We should head back before they start room checks. You do not want to catch Sister Anges in the halls after curfew.

Vanessa: [cackling] Move your ass, Landgraab!

Nancy: Shhh! We’ll get caught!

Sister Agnes: And where are you two coming from?

Nancy: We? Um. We...

Vanessa: From the greenhouse, Sister Agnes. I was just showing the new girl around. Nancy says she loves her some pot-

Nancy: -tted plants! Potted plants!

Sister Agnes: You should know the rules better than anyone, Ms. Villareal. No loitering in common areas without a chaperone. Up to bed now.

Nancy: Pot? Really?

Vanessa: I thought it would be funny!

Vanessa: Today was pretty fun. You should come hang out with us during rec. Dina and Nina are total bitches but they’re funny.

Nancy: Sure. Yeah. Cool.

Vanessa: Cool. ‘Night Blondie.

Nancy: Goodnight...Red.

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

Overtime 2

Warnings: this fic will include elements, some dark, such noncon/dubcon, and other untagged triggers. Please take this into account before proceeding. It is up to curate your online consumption safely.

Summary: your boss, Mr. Hansen, runs you ragged but you find solace in an unexpected friend.

Characters: Lloyd Hansen, Jake Jensen.

Author’s Note: This one is dedicated to my dearest @thezombieprostitute

Please feel free to leave some feedback, reblog, and jump into my asks. I’m always happy to discuss with you and riff on idea. As always, you are cherished and adored! Stay safe, be kind, and treat yourself💜

“Hey, sugar,” Mr. Bodecker’s voice carries ahead of him, “where’s the old troll at?” 

You look up and scratch the side of your neck nervously. You stand to greet him as he approaches with his long, casual strut. He’s one of the few people who isn’t chased away by your tempestuous boss. 

“Sir, um,” you glance over at Mr. Hansen’s door. You really hope he didn’t hear that. He shouldn’t, the door’s shut. “He’s erm in a meeting.” 

As if on cue, Hansen’s voice rises from inside his office, angry and followed by a thump. You blanch as Bodecker chuckles and plants a hand on your desk as he leans. His stomach sticks out over his belt but he doesn’t seem to mind. 

“He’s always got something in his craw, don’t he?” 

“Sir,” you agree without agreeing. You transferred the call from Mr. Hansen’s ex-wife thirty minutes ago and he’s still raging. “Would you like a coffee?” 

“Nah, I’m jittery, I already had one. And that sweet thing, Nina, brought in some donuts.” 

You nod. You wouldn’t know. You never get included in the office treats. 

“Okay, I can let Mr. Hansen know you’re looking for him when he’s done his meeting.” 

“Don’t you worry about it, sugar. I was just comin’ to shoot the shit. Even I don’t like to deal with him like this,” he chortles. Hansen’s voice rises again and there’s a louder bang. Silence. Bodecker taps his fingers on your desk and nods, “have a good one and good luck.” 

Just like that, he’s gone and you’re left to face the storm alone. You sit and put your head down, hoping to shield yourself in your work. He can’t be mad if you’re simply doing your job. 

Your phone rings and you hit the speaker. You know it’s your boss because only his calls have that special tone. You sit back as your stomach knots. Is it because you didn’t have breakfast or because you know you messed up. 

“Get in my fucking office right now, critter.” 

The line dies immediately. You’re on your feet at once. As you stand, you trip as you see someone else approaching. Shoot. It’s Jensen. He smiles at you over a tall white cup. 

“Hi,” you skirt around and give a small wave. 

“Hey, uh...” He stops but you don’t. You flit to Mr. Hansen’s door and knock. He doesn’t answer so you go in. 

You quickly shut the door behind you as you step into the mess of his rage. His desk is at an angle and half the contents are on the floor. His monitor is on its side and his chair is also overturned. There’s a dent in the wall. 

“Sir--” 

“Why the fuck--” He spins to face you and slams his fist on his desk, shattering his mouse, “would you take a call from my fucking thundercunt of an ex?” 

“Sir, I apologise, I thought--” 

“You didn’t fucking think,” he stands straight and reminds you of how big he really is. You might be tall but you’re by no means strong. “Critter, come on. You fucking know better.” 

“I do, s-s-sir,” your lips tug downward. “I’m really sorry.” 

You bend and start to clean up his office. He growls and looms with his hands on his hips. He strides around and kicks the pen holder beyond your reach. You look up and he narrows his eyes as he considers you. 

“Stand up,” he demands. 

You do. You usually keep your distance from him. It’s easy when he’s so often on the other side of a desk. You can feel his anger roiling over you. 

“What is wrong with that critter brain of yours?” He sneers. “Skittering around with nothing rattling inside, huh?” 

“Sir,” you croak. 

“And you dress like a goddamn granny,” he sniffs. “You know, I upgraded the wife, maybe it’s about time I do the same with you.” 

Your lips part and you blink, “sir?” 

He takes a deep breath and lets it out. He pinches his nose and turns away. “Then I’d have to fucking train them. No fucking way.” 

You nod and go back to tidying. He paces around and you shove the pens into the holder and put it on his desk. You go to his chair and strain to lift up the leather and metal. You roll it back to the chair mat and he shoves past you to sit in it. You quickly retreat and continue on. 

You grunt as you push the desk back into place, leaning all your weight into it as your flat soles scuff on the floor. When you finish, you notice him watching you, brows furrowed. You focus on clearing the floor and when all is mostly back in its place, you collect the piece of his mouse. 

“I’ll get a new one, sir. Coffee too?” 

“Whatever,” he waves you away and spins his back to you. 

You leave him with the remains of his mouse. It’s an expensive one, not one of the cheap ones they keep down in the storage room. You let out a heave as you head for your desk. At least he didn’t fire you. 

You slow as you notice Jensen waiting by your desk. You cringe. He had to have heard that. These walls aren’t very thick. 

“Hey, I uh, didn’t know what you like so I brought you this new cinnamon heart latte they had down at The Grind.” 

“You... oh, you’re so... why?” Your voice peaks in surprise as he points out the cup on your desk. 

“I promised you a coffee but when I come around, you’re too busy or not here.” 

“Yeah, er, it’s busy,” you say, “thank you so much. That’s so... nice?” 

“You say it like it’s a lot. Really, I was already there. They have a salted caramel mocha which is cancelling out my gym time,” he chuckles. “Really, It’s nothing.” 

“Well, I, er, thanks,” you try to smile. You probably just look like you’re in pain. “Um, sorry, uh, not to be er, rude, I have to go get a new mouse for Mr. Hansen so... I’ll take it with me.” 

“Mouse? Oh man,” he looks down at your handful, “must’ve been quite the accident.” 

“Right--” 

“Magic mouse. Oh, yeah, I can get you one of those.” 

“I can’t wait for accounting--” 

“Oh, no, you stay here, enjoy your coffee. I’ll run down to my buddy’s and get you one. I got a motherboard waiting too.” 

“Huh? What—why--” 

“I’m already headed there. One of the things about IT, you have an excuse to run around,” he shrugs. “So, please, I don’t want the latte get any colder. So sit and let me know if you like it when I get back.” 

“Jensen, you don’t have to--” 

“Sit,” he insists as he puts his hands around yours, taking the broken parts from you. “I’ll be quick.” 

He grins and spins away before you can stop him. He marches off with the corpse of Mr. Hansen’s mouse as you stand dumbfounded. You don’t get why he’s being so nice. He doesn’t seem to want anything from your boss and that’s the only time anyone pays you any attention. 

[thesherrinfordfacility]

Source

Transcript of main article under the cut:

THE RASCALLY DEMON Crowley (David Tennant) and the neurotic angel Aziraphale (Michael Sheen) put aside their differences to pull off one doozy of a Hail Mary and prevent an impending Apocalypse in Good Omens' first season. The task cemented the pair's unconventional friendship. So what are divine beings who have fallen out of grace with both Heaven and Hell to do for an encore?

The answer lies with archangel Gabriel (Jon Hamm), who shows up unannounced on the doorstep of Aziraphale's London bookshop. Suddenly, Aziraphale and Crowley are caught up in a caper of biblical proportions- but also a more intimate tale.

"It's a mystery" showrunner Neil Gaiman tells SFX. "It kicks off a story that doesn't have giant consequences for the universe, even if it does have consequences for Aziraphale and Crowley. We have a lot of the marvellous Jon Hamm, who is the angel Gabriel and turns up at the beginning stark naked, carrying a cardboard box with no memory of who he is. In the same way, it is about Aziraphale and Crowley having to get involved with humanity in a way that they haven't before.

"They get dragged in slightly against their will to try to sort out the love life of Aziraphale's tenant," he continues. "Her name is Maggie (Maggie Service) and she runs the

record shop next to the bookshop. You'll see the coffee shop over the road, which is Nina's (Nina Sosanya). The relationship between Maggie and Nina is one that Crowley and Aziraphale try to fix, and mess up, because they are not good at human relationships, even if they can do miracles."

Truth be told, Gaiman never originally intended this arc to serve as Good Omens' second instalment. The TV series was based on Gaiman and Terry Pratchett's 1990 novel. The two collaborators had partially hashed out the details for a sequel to the fantasy comedy, late one night in a hotel room. This, however, is not it. Gaiman instead plotted a new narrative that could provide the connective tissue between the first season and a theoretical season three, if it happens.

"Because the hypothetical season three exists, there is a story that is there, and I didn't feel that we could drive straight from season one into that," Gaiman explains. "I knew what the stakes were. I knew what the parameters were. I also know that I had David and Michael. I had the angels from plot number one. I had demons from plot number one. And with anybody that I wanted to bring back, but didn't have room for right now, I did not have to bring them back as themselves.

"I had absolutely nothing for Madame Tracy to do in this plot, but I would be damned if Miranda Richardson wasn't going to be in this. She is one of my favourite people in the world. She is hilarious and is so good. And I knew I was going to have a new demon replacing Crowley as Hell's representative in London/the UK. Miranda's demon Shax is the best demon you could want."

It's late February 2012 and SFX is in Edinburgh for a set visit. A soundstage in Pyramids Studies has been transformed into a street in Soho. The visible local stores include the aforementioned book, coffee and record shops, as well as a magic establishment. In the middle of them all stand Aziraphale and Crowley, the latter in close proximity to his classic Bentley. It's close to the end of the six-episode season, so exactly what the duo is discussing constitutes a spoiler. We can say, however, that Aziraphale has picked up the pace. Time is of the essence as Shax marshals her forces to descend on Aziraphale's store and retrieve Gabriel.

"This is really Shax's first time out on Earth," Gaiman explains. "She is working very diligently and very hard in Hell for a long time. Now she is on Earth, trying to figure it all out. She's just discovering what Crowley has known for 6,000 years, which is that if you're a demon and come up with a brilliant plan to screw up the lives of humanity, people will get there first and do worse than anything you could have imagined! She's coming to terms with that.

"She is having to deal with the first crisis on her watch, as well, which is the disappearance of the archangel Gabriel from Heaven. It would be fair to say that by the end of the story, she is leading as much as she can get from Hell's requisition department - a legion of Hell - in an attack on a Soho bookshop."

When audiences catch up with Aziraphale again, he's enjoying his time among humans. He owns most of the block in a Soho neighbourhood, and he's meddling in Nina's love life. Meanwhile, Crowley has been living in his car, with his plants sitting on the back seat. He's grumpy about his current status quo, but frequently hangs out at Aziraphale's. The duo began as antagonists, but their history and blooming relationship will be fleshed out in flashbacks.

"One of the enormously fun things I came up with in the idea of minisodes," Gaiman explains. They are 25-minute-long episodes within the episode. We have three of them over our six episodes. Each of them is like one of those chunks of episode three (in season one). Whereas the longest one of those was four or five minutes, if that, these are full stories.

"You get to have the story of (put-upon Biblical figure) Job and you learn Aziraphale and Crowley's part in the story. Then writer Cat Clarke takes us to Edinburgh in the 1820s for a tale of body-snatching and attempted murder that the boys get involved in," he adds.

"Finally, Jeremy Dyson and Andy Nyman reunite the League of Gentlemen in a Nazi-period story that takes place very shortly after the episode in the church. That one was the only one I said had to be there, because I fell in love with our Nazi spies in the church I kept thinking, "What would happen if they essentially came back as zombies with a mission from Hell to try and investigate whether or not Crowley and Aziraphale were actually fraternising?"

Gaiman admits that one of the greatest challenges has been filming Good Omens simultaneously with his upcoming show Anansi Bays. The two shoot within throwing distance of each other, but are both time-consuming endeavours.

"If I could go back in time, I would go back to 16 September 2020, when Douglas Mackinnon (co-producer) and I got the phone call from the Amazon bigwigs to say, "We have

good news for you and interesting news for you," Gaiman recalls. "'The good news is we are greenlighting both Good Omens and Anansi Boys. The interesting news is you are going to have to do them both at the same time.'

"I would go back to then and I would throw myself on the call and say, 'Neil, don't! This is unwise.' That we are doing them both together is great. The amount of sleep I am not getting is monumental and monstrous.

"It's a little bit like childbirth, in that I managed to forget all the things that drove me nuts about the first one. Having said that, I managed to fix all the things that really drove me nuts making season one which is great. We just have a whole new set of problems making season two."

[weirdmorefics]

How Are Hands Attractive? (crowleyxreader)

Pronouns-She/Her

Word Count- 1,078

Summary- Reader is a witch and close friends with Aziraphale and works at the bookshop restoring books. Aziraphale asks Y/n for romantic advice for Nina and Maggie which leads to interesting covo about Crowley hands.

The day was stormy there was hardly anybody out on the street because of the terrible thunder and lightning. I was peacefully sipping her cold coffee and restoring an old spellbook that Aziraphale found. The sound of the rain was very soothing and I did not have to worry about Jim short for Gabriel bothering me because Aziraphale told him bookstores are closed on Wednesdays. Aziraphale on the other hand kept interrupting my work so he could get my opinion on most romantic situations for Nina and Maggie.

"Y/n what do you think is the most romantic thing?" Aziraphale asks.

" I don't know. Hmmm maybe leaving me alone so I can finish restoring this book in peace," I respond.

"Seriously, Y/n the book can wait! This matter is of life and death! You are sort of human so you should know more about these things than I." He says looking me very seriously in the eyes.

I sigh and very gently move the book to the side. I take a deep breath " I have personally always found hands very attractive-"

Aziraphale interrupted "How can hands be attractive? They are just helpful tools. Books always say it's the eyes that are the windows to the soul."

"Don't get me wrong eyes are pretty as well but I have always enjoyed hands they help us create they help us hold on to each other. Why did you even ask me anyway if you're just going to think I am wrong. Also, I think we both know I lack any experience or knowledge on romance." I respond annoyed.

Aziraphale smiles at Y/n, "I guess I was just curious." Then his eyes light up like something just clicked in his mind. I think if he was a cartoon a light bulb would have appeared above his head.

"Y/n!" He gasps and I give him an inquisitive look. "You are always staring at Crowley's hands so does that mean!!!"

I quickly crossed my arms across my chest denying the accusation profusely.

Crowley enters the bookshop closing a soaked umbrella, "Who is always staring at my hands."

Y/n's heart nearly pounds out of her chest and she nearly knocks over her coffee.

"Don't tell me you haven't noticed-" I quickly cut Aziraphale off

I come out from behind the desk I was working at and take the umbrella from Crowley, "Don't tell me that you were outside in this weather with an umbrella you could have got struck by lightning."

Crowley lifts his glasses down to look ME in the eyes "Are you serious? A demon struck by lightning would do nothing compared to the heat of Hell."

"How should I know I've never been to Hell," I whine.

Crowley kisses the top of my head and says "And you never will."

Aziraphale smiles a plotting a smile that scares me for what he is planning. He cups his chin with both hands and tilts his head "Crowley what do you find most romantic? Y/n has been telling me what she finds most romantic to help Nina and Maggie. I can see she has quite the type. I think we might even know the guy."

Crowley's face seems to turn sour at Aziraphale probably at the notion of discussing romance so I try to assure him it is unneeded to chime in. "Please ignore him he has been like this all day. He has not let me get a single thing done today."

Instead, he completely ignores me and walks up to Aziraphale, "So what does this man that Y/n fancies have for qualities that make her swoon."

"No, I can't say that would be betraying her trust," Aziraphale puts a hand on his chest and makes a big show of it like he didn't just start this whole mess.

"Come on Angel we are all friends here! Right Y/n? What can you tell the Angel that you can't tell me," he pouts.

"You bring up a great point, Crowley! Y/n can certainly tell you about the man she fancies I don't see a reason she could not! Let me start off I know she loves this man's hands she is always staring at them it is so obvious." Aziraphael smiles brightly and if my glare back could kill he would be dead.

Crowley circles me like prey as if my answer could cure him from hunger. "I've never noticed our little sorceress staring at hands that's very impolite to stare you know."

He calls me a nickname he uses for me frequently as he knows it annoys me. "You know what's impolite to spill others secrets Aziraphale" I glare.

Aziraphale straightens his bowtie, "You never said it was a secret if you had I would not have said a peep. I am very good at secrets you know"

"The thing is I just don't understand why there is anything to hide from your good old pals!" Crowley interrupts. "Unless this guy is someone unworthy of our sorceress's heart. Then in that case Aziraphale would have a duty to tell me."

"Do not be concerned this man I have known longer than anyone. No one could compete with him he is very kind." He quickly assures Crowley.

Crowley started to look like that time when Aziraphale took Gabriel under his protection, "So he is an angel... those are the only beings you have known for the longest. I swear to Hell if it's Gabriel he is not kind Aziraphael you have no idea what he said to me when I was you! I can not believe you let him stay here! He is worse than any demon!"

I quickly put my hand on Crowley's shoulder, "It is not Gabriel I would never do that to you."

Crowley's eyes softened as he looked into your eyes but only for a second before they turned into confusion, "What other angel do you even know on a personal level!"

I saw no choice but to come clean, "It's you! You idiot!"

I took a deep breath to prepare myself for the heartbreak because I am no celestial being who will be around forever. I am just a witch I am really not that different from an ordinary human. But the heartbreak never came instead he held my face and kissed me deeply.

I was stunned speechless and he smirked "So you think my hands are romantic you say."

Bonus-

Aziraphael- Now both of you thank me! I also accept books as thank-yous Y/n has a list of the books of that I am on the hunt for! I also made photocopies of the list so you can carry the list with you at all times as a reminder.

Y/n- Shut up, Angel!

Crowley- Thank you, Angel

[princessgarnetxvi]

Everything Johan did was For Anna/Nina

Everything Johan did was for Anna. 

                      A “Monster” capable of love.

“What I’m most afraid of is…forgetting Anna. The strange lessons we have everyday… are making my memories fade. Please, don’t make me forget Anna. It’s only Anna and me in this whole world. Just give me that - please. Please.”  – Johan Liebert”

I was very confused about the complexities of Johan's character up until the last handful of episodes. After rewatching the series for a 3rd time and exploring how Johan is portrayed in the manga, it became very clear to me that my initial opinions about Johan were basic and devalued the intricacies of Naoki's writing. From the beginning we are only TOLD by conflicting views, who Johan was. His character, in the fictional world as well as our own, is simply defined by an individual's perception of him and the story presented. However, if we dissect ALL of the themes and even the undertones Naoki presented to us through the world of characters; I think it would be evident that Johan was not committing heinous acts for superficial reasons such as simply being evil to be evil.

So what was the method to his madness? 

I believe... Everything he did was for Anna.

(Yes this includes erasing himself from existence too )

Author's Note: I want to preface before you read on that although these essays are written in a sympathizing light that Johan has done PLENTY of wrong. This is not written in an attempt to dismiss his heinous acts lightly, but to simply understand the "Monster" of the series by tackling Johan's crimes deeper than the surface. I tried to make sense of Johan's every action in regards to his OVERALL PLAN and why Naoki presented them to us as viewers. For those who will nitpick the term "everything" quite literally, I want to make it clear that not E V E R Y S I N G L E A C T I O N Johan has taken coincides with his love for his sister; his actions towards the children specifically - because there are some things that had nothing to do with his "perfect plan" but more to do with attempting to build Johan's character and his view of the world us as viewers. Justifying ones actions vs. rationalizing ones actions are completely different. I am in no way attempting to discard the accountabilities that Johan should face for his actions, but instead trying to make sense of it all. I've analyzed Johan's crimes against children here: https://xprincessgarnetxvi.tumblr.com/post/691678531250487296/i-really-love-reading-your-essays-i-can However, this will explain the root of Johan's character and the core of his overall plan(s) that was committed for the sake of his sister from the very beginning to the end. The overarching theme and message of Monster is that there are no such thing as Monsters, only broken human beings capable of great evil; so we will humanize this great Monster in order to understand not only Johan Liebert, but the hows/whys Tenma/Nina was able to forgive him and ultimately find value in saving the life of this supposed Monster.

Before we begin, I'd like to take the time to thank you for reading! I can't wait to review your comments and further discuss this magnificent series of Monster!

-

Anna was set up from the beginning to become The “Monster” given she was the one who actually endured the experiments. Her tendencies are shown in glimmers throughout the show. The heartbreaking twist to it though... is that the only reason why she DID not become the beast, was because SHE ( unlike Johan ) HAD KNOWN REAL UNCONDITIONAL LOVE.

-Johan’s love and sacrifice is what kept her safe from the darkness he knew very well. He got his hands dirty to shield her. He chose to leave her behind in the care of her foster parents, knowing she would forget him, in order to heal.

He chose her than himself over and over; becoming her shadow; choosing to lose his only attachment to his already weakened identity in order for her to heal.

His love for her is why she never became a monster...and tragically, why Johan had.

Which reflects exactly what Mikhail Petrov (whose real name is Reinhart Biermann) said about his "PROFOUND DISCOVERY" concerning his current experiment on the children he had in his home; he said the children did not become animals because he gave them LOVE.

(Mikhail Petrov telling Grimmer how the children in his current experiment did not become Monster - it was because they had LOVE.)

In his own twisted way and view on things, he was protecting her. He killed every "parental" figure they had because he was betrayed by every adult figure in his life so far. People who mentioned calling the police, ended up finding out about their past - anything that could lead the man, who Johan referred to as “The Monster” into finding them, he disposed of.

The adults in their lives thus far would betray them, torture them, hurt them, throw them away- and forcefully separate them. In his severely abused mental state, any adult figure was a potential threat to his and Anna’s safety. So he’d kill in order to runaway from "the monster" and protect Anna. Then when Anna found out about the blood on his hands that fateful night the Monster paid them a visit, he realized that now he had become someone Anna feared - a different kind of Monster but all the similar to the one they were running from.

So he rationalized that now he needed to die.

In that moment, I think we should focus on his body language and expressions. Johan faced the ground. hardly picking up his eyes. His shoulders were sunken and he did not have that menacing little smile he usually had. Johan has killed in secret various times with Anna and back at Kinderheim.

So why was he so messy with the Lieberts?

Because he did not want to kill them - he said HE HAD TO.

It was not a calculated murder, because he was not truly calm and collected; He was afraid.

Lets not forget who Johan was up until that moment: the infamous little boy who provoked an entire riot and massacre by simply opening his mouth. With mere words he was able to sway the adults and children into doing what he wanted. BUT IN THAT MOMENT when Anna caught him red handed, he could not, or rather, would not - try and manipulate Anna.

(He has never once been shown trying to manipulate or abuse her throughout the entire series as he has done intentionally with the rest of the world.)

Instead, he asked her to shoot him and run - in an attempt to finally liberate her from the horrific life they had to lead up until now - blaming his existence for the constant chase their predator (Bonaparte) gave way to them as prey because in that moment, his memories were distorted and he believed he was the one who went to the Red Rose Mansion. **** (X) (this theory is challenged referenced below)

To Johan, him living was a danger to Anna and that night made it evident to him.

But when he was brought back to life and realized the gravity behind his methods, seeing how terrified Anna was of him - he started to cry. Because despite his initial feelings of finding his death absolutely necessary for her to be safe, he still wanted what he had with her; the only bond of love he ever knew.

What set his entire ADULT plan into motion (wiping out everyone who ever hurt Anna and created HIM) was Anna's rejection at the hospital. That was when he realized internally, he was beyond forgiveness and that he was nothing more than a monster. A Nameless monster in her reflection that needed to die in order for her to live in peace. (Referencing the God of Peace storybook. )

Johan was the one who gifted the God (Anna) her hat and then she saw herself as the Monster she was supposed to be due to the Red Rose Mansion experiments. This would NOT have happened if Johan did not give her the hat (the red hat which can symbolize the blood he spilled for her. ) so in this instance, Johan is also the reflection (you are me and I am you. They are both nameless monsters)

From that moment on, he wanted to wipe out his entire existence, and that meant those who ALSO "created" him so that Anna could heal as Nina.

I believe this is what is depicted in the Nameless Monster storybook. 

Initially, we are made to believe Johan wanted to “consume everyone” so he would be the last one standing. The Monster known as Johan in the book also devours his counterpart, the Monster who went West and then there is no one left to call him by his name. But clearly, Johan never does this, because Johan never attempts to kill/devour Anna/Nina - because what it symbolizes is entirely different in nature regarding Johan’s intention. 

A quick reminder that both Johan and Anna were considered Nameless Monsters. HOWEVER - by Johan’s hands, Anna does not remain “Nameless” nor does she ever become a “monster” the moment Johan decided to not only leave her behind in the hands of a loving family, but by her changing her name and her identity to Nina. The Fortners never made any implication that they knew of Nina’s past concerning the Lieberts murder and I believe this is because Johan introduced her as Nina to the Fortners and never allowed them to see the trail behind her identity as Anna Liebert. 

Symbolically, Johan, as the Nameless Monster, consumed the Monster inside of Anna and became the only Monster left. This is what is mirrored in Johan’s intentions and the Nameless Monster storybook. 

With Anna forgetting him and Johan leaving her behind thus losing his only connection to someone who truly knew him, now all that is left is Johan, without absolutely anyone to call him by his name - the one and only Nameless Monster.

And this is heavily referenced in Another Monster:

(This reinforces that Johan was trying to make Nina forget her past as Anna)

There wasn’t some sick satisfaction from any of his killings done when he was a child. To him, it was needed for the sake of her safety. This was Johan’s initial “plan.” set in motion. He wanted to be the only one left in the world with his sister - so that they wouldn’t have to be afraid anymore. 

(I also believe at that point when they were kids, Johan's very first plan he referred to when telling Anna "Remember, I have a plan." was to run to another country with her so that the Monster will never find them. It is the only logical idea of a plan that a child could conjure following what he actually leads them to do, which was cross the border. Simply destroying the world is unreachable in his current state and Johan is smart enough to not be delusional in his endeavors. With that being said, he had to kill that old couple to erase any trail they may have left of "two beautiful blonde twins." But this plan fails because they nearly die at the Czech Border and was discovered. )

(Johan telling Anna he has a plan.)

RUHENHEIM:

One of the biggest moments in Ruhenheim has been misinterpreted and lost due to the mistranslations in both the English Dub and the Japanese subtitles. 

I clarify and mend this by breaking down what Nina unraveled in Boneparte’s house when she looked at the portraits by correctly translating the Japanese script/text in depth here on this post:

 But to summarize it for the purpose of this essay, it was revealed to us as viewers that Johan apologized to Anna when she returned from the Red Rose Mansion, revealing the overwhelming weight of guilt he carried when Anna had been taken that day. 

(That day depicts the moment their mother made the terrible 'Choice')

and then Johan accepts his mother will never return to them (assuming she abandoned them) and goes on to tell Anna this:

Johan is the one crying because soon after, Nina tells us that Johan was in that room crying.

This information provides clarity as to why Nina was finally able to understand Johan, empathize with him enough to be able to forgive him. She remembered he was a boy who felt guilty over what happened to her; a boy who cried when he realized they were now all alone in the world.  She understood that Johan desperately did anything and everything to ensure he and Anna survived despite it all.

That Rainy Night:

I want to GREATLY EMPHASIZE the important factor I missed my first time watching the scenes with Johan/Anna - the scenes shown to us were ONLY through her recollection as fragments due to her memory loss. They were told from what she COULD remember, so her take on what really happened that rainy night the first few times the events are unfolded before us should not be taken as absolute. At least...up until it is revealed in the final episodes that Anna realized that on that night instead of seeming like an empty shell of a person asking for death, Johan was crying and crying before she shot him.

The scene where Anna finds the portraits reveals what truly happened between them and its so important. She said “Johan was crying “here” just like before.” She was mimicking a memory she had just recalled in its entirety. “Why are you crying, why are you crying?” She sounded in distress. Directly after she reveals that she remembers him crying, it shows the image of him pointing at his head that rainy night.

Even though Johan told her to shoot him, it is IMPORTANT that he was crying and the author highlights this for a reason.

I believe that, finally being able to vividly remember that day finally revealed to her that Johan wasn’t the “face of absolute evil” she initially dismissed him to be; he was a boy/man who could cry and mourn - he was human. He was a terrified boy protecting Anna and himself the only way he knew how. and instead of showing him forgiveness/love - she added on to his collection of wounds scarred upon his soul from everyone else who chose to harm him.

Tenma...was ultimately the ONLY one in his life who showed him kindness.

Johan's intentions and reasons behind many crimes: Essay II.

( I will summarize it here as the extension essay was far too long to put on this post)

**** (☓) I want to ask, did Johan truly believe he was the one who went to the Red Rose Mansion or was that simply a masquerade he performed to make sure Anna did not remember?

(I wrote an essay on this being a possibility here: PART 2 OF THIS ESSAY. This will explain Johan's intentions in depth)

(this is a theory I FIRMLY believe and have completely adopted. But for the sake of argument, I will entertain both concepts behind Johan's memory in this essay.)

If we entertain the idea that Johan never misconstrued his memories about the Red Rose and pretended he did, I can dissect Johan’s intentions a bit more intricately.

Throughout the series you see that he is trying to wipe everyone who knew of what happened to Anna off the face of the earth, that included himself. He did not want Anna to remember. So when it was revealed she did remember, he mourned. It was subtle but evident in the anime when she reveals “you are wrong.” something in him shifted - for once he was reacting to the words of another.

She said "he had a smile but seemed like he was crying. I never seen such an expression on his face before." That entire scene, Johan’s eyes expressed something we’ve never seen from him throughout the series - a sense of mourning or longing?

Johan in front of Anna always appeared the most human and I feel Naoki did this with purpose.

(Naoki specifically told the directors/animators of the anime series to never stray from how he expressed Johan's eyes for a very important reason. )

Johan's expression finally meeting Anna after 13 years apart.

-

If, however, Johan DID truly think he was the one who suffered at the red rose mansion, his “perfect suicide” plan still relates to his twisted-selfless feelings for Anna.

Johan learns it was not him that suffered at the Red Rose Mansion...but Anna instead. and then Johan goes on to commit the "perfect suicide." In his plan to die, he wanted to take The Monster with him, forcing Bonaparte to endure the same exact hell he forced Anna to suffer as a child.

Call it an act of revenge. Some may think Johan is incapable of being vengeful but I cannot see this cruel and calculated act as anything other than malice. After Bonaparte was finally dead, the monster disposed of - Johan was ready to die.

But you can see his conviction began to slip away when Anna forgave him. What made it worse was realizing he was wrong about Tenma because even now, Tenma was still hesitating on killing him ruthlessly like he always presumed would happen. Johan thought he had humans all figured out - after all, all Johan has EVER known was the darkness in people’s hearts. That is why he was so confused/moved by Tenma and wanted so desperately to prove him wrong.

The manga portrays Johan’s expressions 1000X BETTER THAN THE ANIME. As soon as Anna arrives, Johan is just staring at the floor, unable to look at her - Repeating everything from that fateful rainy night when they were kids. But this time, Anna doesn’t kill him, she chooses love and compassion. and when she says she forgives him - his reaction is something the anime does not do justice

(The subtle shift the artist expressed in his eyes from her words is so significant but missed in the anime; but he reacts rather deeply, moved and shocked by her words.)

Because "Forgiveness is the remission of sins. For it is by this that what has been lost, and was found, is saved from being lost again."

In the manga he isn’t quick to reply. He ponders over her words carefully and I think this is when his mind starts panicking.

Anna realized that forgiveness was the one thing he wanted that night she shot him, despite him also thinking his death was needed. His value depended on her view of him; and what she once robbed from him was now returned - a human being worthy of forgiveness instead of a monster.

He is telling her the evident truth that he cannot turn back because he TRULY believes Tenma is going to kill him any moment.

Johan refuses her forgiveness not because he resents her or thinks its too late for her to redeem herself - but because he doesn’t think he deserves it. “There are somethings that cannot be undone.” Because it is too late, Johan is going to die - he WANTS to die. Then you see the fear and helplessness in his eyes after getting the one thing he always wanted [ Anna’s forgiveness] because he desperately wanted to die as the only thing he knew himself to be: the nameless, nonexistent monster. But both Anna and Tenma rob him of that by bestowing upon him the gift of compassion, mercy and empathy; for the first time treating and valuing him like a human being instead of a monster,god,experiment, devil etc., as everyone around him has his entire life.

(The Monster inside of Johan begins to crumble.)

Johan in his final moments was cracking and finally falling apart. You see it in the final expression he makes: the distraught, confusion and sadness. Because he realized, he was wrong about people, he was wrong about the world. But how can we blame him for his view on humanity when all he has ever been shown since birth was how ugly, selfish, cruel and inhumane people can be?

How can we expect someone who has only seen darkness to be able to find the light?

I want to clarify one thing I noticed: Johan has never shown to take any kind of sick satisfaction from killing unlike all the other serial killers being interviewed in the series. (aside from Richard) Specifically, Johan is without "the lust for murder" as Lunge explains in Another Monster - which is why Johan hired other people to kill for him instead. Especially contrasting Johan with Roberto, specifically, when Roberto tries to kill Anna.

(that is until Richard, which makes Johan's dealings with him stand out for a reason. He doesn't even take pleasure in killing the Red Hiddenburg, he leaves before witnessing her death instead of reveling in his 'checkmate' coming to fruition.)

Despite his callousness and his lack of care for life - Johan, despite how much of a "monster" he was, very clearly had humanity and had love....for his sister most of all. Johan saw when his mother choose, how little their lives meant to her and this instilled his nihilism at such a young age. He watched Anna get tossed to the wolves like nothing and in that moment, he probably thought his mother chose Anna over him for a reason. (even though the question on her intention would haunt him for the rest of his life) But her being able to choose is what hurt him the most and it's probably what instilled his self sacrificing mentality to care for Anna above the world in order to never make the same mistake his mother had.

That is why after she got back from the Red Rose Mansion, he cried for her story and apologized as if it was his responsibility to feel guilty over what happened to her. It should have been him that suffered. Then after, he treats her with the upmost care, telling her everything is hers, no matter what she will win everything because he would deem it so. He is kind to her, never letting go of her hand even when she is dragging behind - he sacrificed all of himself for her...

Because she deserved everything in the world to contrast their mother throwing her away.

(it should be noted that the Lieberts did not want Anna either but only adopted her because Johan refused to leave the orphanage without her. Which is also why I believe he killed them when Bonaparta came because he thought the Lieberts were conspiring with Bonaparta to get Anna)

🌰 (The ‘Acorn game’ represents their Mother's choice, a child in each hand. But in this version, Johan would ensure that no matter what hand Anna chooses, she will NEVER choose wrong. He manipulates the fate behind her choices by holding two acorns instead of one; never letting her make the same mistake as her mother.)

He wanted her to know above all else, she was loved.

A clear indication of this adoration/attachment he has for her is the fact that he DOES NOT forget her even after enduring the hellish experiments in Kinderheim that aimed at wiping out / messing around with his memories.

-

I wrote this because I was astounded to see various posts/Wiki pages implying that Johan’s intentions were to torture Anna and make her kill herself. Telling her to shoot him was his first attempt to drive her insane? They twisted a lot of things Johan did to try and make this statement true. But I cannot comprehend how they drew this conclusion? The series has characters mentioning on more than a few occasions that Anna is dear to Johan. "He is lost with you."

Everyone knew Anna was important to Johan, Professor Geidlitz was the first to mention this besides the old blind man. Roberto was aware of this which is why he tried to kill her as mentioned in Another Monster. Which is ALSO why Peter Capek tried to hold her hostage to prevent Johan from killing him.

and for the first time, Johan DOESN'T kill him.

Johan cried when he awoke at the hospital after he reached for his sister and she screamed in fear of him. His face full of tears - his heart completely broken. If his intention was to drive Anna insane, he would have triumphed in that moment she screamed and fell to the ground after he reached out to her. But instead he mourned.

Anna has mentioned several times that Johan has cried for her, like when he was in the room full of their happy portraits, he was crying. He never once tried to bring harm to Anna - not intentionally towards her person. Explaining the Fortners murder - either he killed the Fortners after they decided to keep lying to her, thus keeping him in the shadows when he wanted to return. OR he killed them because they were going to tell her the truth about her identity, which was something Johan worked to conceal. (this theory is explained thoroughly in essay #2 )

Regardless, if he wanted to torment her, he would not have tried to lure her away to the castle when he set up the Fortners to be killed.

They imply that Johan wanted to torture her and then kill her at the end. But that makes absolutely no sense. Where in the storyline does Johan give off this tendency towards her? Even at the end he told her where to meet him in Ruhenheim and not once did he try to shoot her or Tenma. Honestly, if he really wanted to provoke Tenma to shoot him, he would have held the gun to Anna instead of a random child. But even though being shot by Tenma was his greatest endeavor, he refused to point the gun at someone who was important to Tenma...because Anna, is important to Johan too.

To say Johan, despite being hailed as the Monster of the series, had no love or humanity in him and was merely the Devil himself...completely missed the point of the story...

I’d like to point out the constant mentioning of Hitler in this story and draw another important factor...Hitler brainwashed people to commit mass genocide. Under his rule, millions perished in horrific ways. But despite that...Hitler was capable of loving others. Hitler was also loved by others. The terrifying truth about people who commit atrocities...is that they are not monsters or demons or devils...

they are merely human.

-

Here’s two passages from ANOTHER MONSTER [novel post Monster written by Naoki] that really drives this point:

- PSA: My twin brother FINALLY finished his 2 HOUR Johan Analysis Essay, that dives deeper into Johan's character. This essay and essay #2 will be included in this analysis video as we both worked on it together. However, this lays out the details visually and with beautiful music. Please watch!

[rainydaymiscellaneous]

Into the Fire (Kaz x fem!reader)

Summary: after time in Hellgate, your sister makes a bargain to break you out.

Warnings: A lot of violence, discussions of sickness and serious injury, mentions of suicide and murder

It had all happened so fast. You were blamed for a murder, a murder you didn't even commit, you were the one that happened across that damn body. No doubt the works of Pekka Rollins after you declined the invitation to the Dime Lions. You were a valuable asset, there was no doubt. You were extremely intelligent, knew your way around locks and could charm the most stubborn men. Pekka needed to one up that son of a bitch that was trying to take that title of "King of the Barrel" from him.

Your sister, Dahlia immediately tried forming a plan when she heard from a friend about someone who might take a deal to help her. So she saved up, working beside Nina.

"Good luck trying to convince that good for nothing bastard" she'd tell her. Still, Dahlia had heard enough to know that this Brekker man was simple if you had enough Kruge. Finally she filled up five jars of it, walking into the Slat with hesitance.

"Who's that?" Jesper asked Inej who was sitting next to him.

"No idea." She said confused, watching the girl look around. She turned to the two who were staring.

"Where can one find a mister Brekker?" She asked. Jesper almost let out a laugh. Very rarely had he heard a "Mister" be put in front of Kaz's name.

"Uhm.. I'll uh.. find him." Jesper said getting up. Inej looked at the girl. She was pretty. Too pretty to be standing in a place like this without purpose.

"Kaz. There's uh..." Jesper let out a small laugh. "There's a girl wanting to speak with you out there." Jesper said. Kaz looked up from his desk, holding papers with his gloved hands.

"She say why?" He asked, looking back down.

"No but I'll tell you, she looks out of place." He said. Kaz sighed.

"Ask what she wants. If she's a whore, send her out."

"And if it's something else?"

"Send her here, I suppose."

Jesper walked out, the girl looking up. "Is he here?" She asked.

"What's your business?" He asked.

"I... I need help." She said.

"Are you wanting to join?" Inej asked.

"Join? Join what?" She asked confused. This girl had to be a serious fish out of water.

"You're definitely not from here, are you?" Jesper asked.

"No, look can he see or not?" She huffed.

"If you're from the Menagerie, he's not interested." Jesper said.

"I'm not from the fucking Menagerie!" She said, clearly annoyed.

"Okay... well. Let me see-" "Is that his office?" She asked. "Well-"

She shoved past Jesper, Inej standing up shocked as she walked into Kaz's office. "I need help." She said. Inej ran in.

"Seriously!? What is your problem!?" Inej asked, grabbing her arm.

"Let me go!" She yelled.

"You can't just barge in-"

"I HAVE MONEY!" she yelled.

Kaz looked up finally at the chaos. "Let her go." Kaz said. Inej looked at him with uncertainty but let go after his stern gaze. He motioned to a seat in front of his desk. "Sit." He said. Dahlia sat down, glaring at Inej as she left. Jesper pointed at the door, silently asking if Kaz wanted it closed. He nodded, Jesper closing the door as he went to calm down a pissed off Inej.

"What's this I hear about you needing help?" He asked.

"My sister got framed for murder. She's in that god damn prison, she's been there for almost a year." She said. Kaz rose a brow.

"She's in Hellgate?" He asked.

"Yes." She said. "Have a good day, close the door on your way out." Kaz said, Dahlia frowning.

"Now hold on-"

"Grab a drink if you'd like. Just go." He said. She slammed a jar of money on his desk. He looked up.

"I've got five more of these." She said. He leaned back in his chair.

"How do you know she was framed?" He asked.

"She's not exactly the person to kill a man. Steal his wallet, sure. Murder isn't something she'd be able to do." She said. Kaz sighed.

"Who framed her?" He asked.

"Some gang leader. Uhm... Pekka something." She said. Kaz's blood ran cold.

"What?" He asked.

"She got noticed by him. He made her an offer, she said no and one day on her route back home, she found a body and he had her arrested." She explained. Kaz frowned, staring at the jar of money.

"Five more of these?" He asked.

"Yes." She said. He sighed.

"Fine. But you aren't going with us. You'll wait the Crow Club, do I make myself clear?" He asked. She nodded.

"Thank you." She said relieved.

"Don't thank me yet, I haven't freed your sister yet."

Your eyes had become used to the dark from the prison you had been trapped in. Your hands were bound to the floor by the shackles as the smell of piss and blood hung in the air. You debated every day on just strangling yourself with your chains but you knew Mediks would revive you as quickly as possible.

"Psst" you heard. You lazily looked up to see Quincy, a guard you had charmed into being your friend. He tossed you a piece of bread. You mouthed thank you to him, him nodding quietly as he turned his back to the cell as if he were guarding it. He was the small bit of light in such a bleak place. You heard footsteps of other guards pass.

"What time is it?" You asked in a low whisper.

"Three in the afternoon" he said softly. You leaned your head on the wall, letting out a shuddering breath. In a week, it would have been one year since your capture.

You wondered if Eloise was alive, if she was still at home. You two parted ways when she was eighteen, you leaving for Ketterdam. You recalled her saying something about moving during your trial but you had no clue if she had gone through with it. You missed the fresh air of the outside. The air here was stale, it reeked of death. It didn't help that Hellgate was basically caught in a draft of air where the smells of a nearby island that was inhabited by the dead.

Each breath you took felt heavier and more horrible than the last. When you first arrived, you thought you had been put in the wrong area, however it seemed you were wrong. You were one of the few women housed in this wretched place.

"We're doing WHAT" Jesper asked.

"Unfreakingbelievable." Inej said, putting a hand to her head.

"She's paying." Kaz said.

"And if the bitch paid you to jump off a cliff?!" Jesper asked.

"Eh. Depends on the amount." He shrugged.

"Are we recruiting this girl?" Inej asked.

"It depends." Kaz said.

"Depends how?" Inej asked.

"On if she's worth the trouble." He said. Nina was right. He was very slappable at times.

"So how are we breaking her out? I'm thinking we'll pretend to be nuns and pull her into a convent-"

"Jesper. Serious." Kaz said. Jesper sighed.

"Kaz, this is beyond crazy. This is insane." Jesper said.

"I've figured out a plan. It's insane, sure. But not impossible." He said. Inej sighed.

"Jesper, you'll be our distraction. Inej, you're to sneak in on a freight ship, there's one leaving in eighteen hours. Can you make it?" He asked. "Yes." She said reluctantly.

"Good. Now for the rest of this."

You heard the familiar jingle come from the hall and you sighed as the man you loathed stood before you. "Do you want in today?" He asked, his dark emotionless eyes staring into yours.

"Fuck off Roland." You said.

"Come on now darling, don't be that way. I'm sure those snakes will eat you alive one of these days. Have fun on your damp floor." He said with a chuckle. You shuddered as you heard him walking down the cell block.

Tears of frustration built in your eyes. This felt like an inescapable nightmare. Yes, this could be worse, you could've been in the old tower. You could be friendless. But it didn't stop the fear of being unable to come out of this alive from seeping into your mind. Your once vibrant eyes were now hollow and filled with darkness. You were sick of this life. You were sick of everything.

The fog settled on top of the waters towards the island. It felt ominous as the group rode in the rowboats. Inej was questioning everything at this moment. She was wondering why she went along with such a stupid plan in the first place. She looked at the man who was looking at an island with distant and pained eyes. There was a familiarity in this location, there was no doubt to her.

You heard Quincy move back to the post. "How's your sister?" You asked, knowing you were mostly alone now.

"She's fine. A little worse for the wear but..."

"good." You said softly. This was the most news of the outside you'd hear about.

"Didn't you say you had a sister?" Quincy asked.

"I do, I have two. One is two years younger than me, the other is three years younger. " you said.

"Are they pretty?"

"Trying to get ideas over there Quince?" You teased making him chuckle.

"Hardly. I'm more of a fan of older women thank you." He said. You gasped dramatically.

"Hunting cougars are you?" You teased making him fight an urge to laugh.

You heard a door slam and you closed your mouth, Quincy straightening up. "Quincy." A man yelled.

"Sir." He said.

"Your under arrest-"

"What?" He said confused.

"For conspiring with a prisoner-" your heart dropped.

"Sir-"

"You and Miss Y/n have been conspiring for nearly the whole time she's been in here-"

"He's innocent!" You argued.

"Shut up." The man snarled.

"You'll have time to argue in the old tower." A voice said. No. No. No no no.

"NO!" You screamed. "HE'S INNOCENT- PLEASE!" You screamed as the door opened and guards came to retrieve you. You thrashed against the guards as Roland smirked against a wall. You locked eyes with him. "YOU SON OF A BITCH!" you screamed. Quincy was cuffed and you panicked. "I'LL DO IT!" You screamed.

Roland leaned off the wall. "You will?" He asked, satisfied that it was so easy to break you.

"Yes! Just let him GO!" you said. Roland looked in your eyes.

"Fine." He said. "You heard the girl. Uncuff him." He said. They obeyed, uncuffing Quincy. "Return to your post boy. Be thankful we didn't take your fucking head." He said. You watched him leave, looking over his shoulder clearly concerned for you. You were yanked forward, released from the floor but now dragged through the halls.

You followed the guards, hearing prisoner's screams through the prison. You hated Roland at this moment. You hated Pekka more. He was the whole reason you were in here. You knew he did this. He did this to put you in the Hellshow... Oh he'd get a show.

Kaz stepped out of the boat, face covered by a mask. Inej was horrified the first time she caught wind of such a place. To set foot in it was even worse. "Do not stray from the guide until you have my say so." Kaz said. Inej nodded. She knew the rules. If she strayed too early, she'd be found out and killed. Or worse, locked up in Hellgate.

The group followed the guides which happened across your cell block. Kaz was frowning under his mask once he realized you had been moved. There was only one reason you wouldn't be in there. The reason was also the purpose of having a guide for such a terrible place. The group had been seated in a coloseum like structure. Inej hated this plan more than any other plan that Kaz had formed before. Not only did she have to be in the most awful place but she had to watch this.

The crowds cheered as the announcer pumped up the crowds. "We are proud to announce that the got some new meat today." Kaz frowned. Shit. Shit shit shit shit shit. You were pulled into the ring, Inej glancing at Kaz. She could tell even under a smask that he was frustrated. "SPIN THE WHEEEELL!" the announcer screamed making the crowd roar. You did, spinning it as you fired an angry look at a man in the stands. If looks could kill, this competition wouldn't have been an issue for you.

The wheel landed on a dog and you were unshackled after the announcer was lifted, as to avoid being killed by you. Kaz sighed. At least this would be a way to figure out if you were useful or not. He knew you had to be somewhat resourceful seeing as Kaz got intel from one of the guards who claimed you as a friend. Kaz thought it impossible to find friends in such a low place but you made him stand corrected.

You picked up a blade from the sand swallowing hard as you focused on the wolves emerging from the mouth. You counted three as the mouth closed. You swallowed hard, slowly raising the blade. You hadn't wielded one in years.

Kaz noticed your footing. This was not the first time you used a blade. Kaz saw the various scratches and bruises on you, letting him know that you could take a hit before going down.

A wolf challeneged you, you ducking as it leapt for your throat and slicing its underbelly. You shuddered at that feeling as it hit the ground. Two more to go. You decided to make the next move before the wolves, using the wall to push off for a faster trajectory as you slammed the blade into one's jaw. "One more." Kaz thought. "You have just one more."

You backed up, your ankle hitting your shackles making you stumble. The wolf chose then to attack. You had to react and you had to react quickly. You kicked up the heavy shackle, winding the wolf as it hit its belly. You slammed your blade down, through its head.

The crowd roared for your victory as wolves' blood stained your face. Inej glanced at Kaz, unsure of what to do. They sat through numerous matches until the groups were escorted back. "What now?" She whispered. "We'll have to change course, she won't be in the same cell." Kaz said. So they slipped out, proceeding down a hall.

You were shoved into a new cell, Roland wearing a grin that said he got exactly what he wanted. You glared at him. "Come now, don't be like that! You've got a new cell." He said as the guards shackled you back to the floor. You saw Quincy behind him.

"You called for me sir?" He said.

"Ah. Right. The boy." Roland said looking at him. You saw the glint of silver that was his knife and frowned.

"Quincy, you're in danger-" a guard slapped you.

"Shut your mouth, girl." He said. Quincy looked at you confused before Roland's blade stabbed him. You let out a scream of horror and anguish.

"YOU BASTARDS!" Kaz heard in the hall.

"Follow that voice." He said.

"How do you know that's her?" Inej asked.

"She's the only female in this block." He stated before walking through the halls.

"State your business." A guard said.

"Oh I had an inquiry." He said.

"Which is?"

"Your mother and whether or not she's aware she's raised a bastard." Kaz replied, mouthing "shut eye." To Inej. She rolled her eyes, knocking the guard out.

"A simple, where's the loo would've worked!" She said. Kaz shrugged it off, slipping past the unconscious man.

"YOU'LL PAY FOR THIS!" You screamed, angry tears falling from your eyes.

"I'm sure we will. Enjoy your stay in your new cell!" Roland said. You let out a frustrated scream as Roland walked away, yanking your chains as far as they could go. You sobbed, looking at Quincy who was struggling on the ground.

"Quincy- I am-am so sorry" you cried.

"An-any moment now." He breathed. You were confused looking at him. "Ther-there are p-people here for you" he said.

"Exec-executioners?" You asked. By this point, the headman's axe was a mercy.

"R-rescuers." He said.

"Quincy-Quincy what have you done?" You asked. You heard a struggle out in the hall. Quincy looked relieved.

"Be-be free." He said.

"Quincy- QUINCY!" you screamed as the shallow rise and falls of his chest stopped. A masked figure came out with someone else.

"We've got a few seconds before the third bell." The figure said, unlocking the door. You moved away from them confused.

"We're here to bring you home." There was a woman in this group.

"Home?" You were beyond confused by this.

"Get her unlocked Kaz, we don't have much time." The girl said. The masked man, presumed now to be Kaz was unlocking your shackles. You heard a loud boom and looked confused as you heard multiple guards sprinting through.

"We have to go. Now." He said, pulling you up. You winced and he frowned. "Shit. She's injured." He realized.

"Thank that bastard Roland." You muttered, numbed tears falling from your eyes.

"Where's Quincy?" The girl asked.

"He's the body behind you." You said, looking at him. "Shit. SHIT." Inej hissed.

"We don't have time, we need to leave." Kaz urged.

You were practically dragged through the halls of the prison by these people, who honestly, you had to trust because literally anything could be better than this hellhole. You made way for an exit before Roland blocked you.

"Thought you were leavin' aye?" He said, that cocky smile filling you with rage. You gritted your teeth, snatching the cane from the masked stranger. He almost scolded you but everything happened so fast. You had not only managed to kill Roland, you had taken the lion's head and bashed in the skull of the man.

You finally stood up. "Incapable of murder" your sister said. "She doesn't have it in her" she said. Otherwise your sister had drastically underestimated you or this place drove you to that point. Considering the Hellgate was infamous for its conditions, Kaz guessed the second option as you handed him back the cane.

"I've wanted to do that for months." You said, stepping over his corpse. Kaz wiped off his cane, swapping a look with Inej.

You and the two others walked outside, a man waiting by a boat. "Let's go, we've got five minutes before they realize she escaped. " he said. Kaz motioned for you to climb aboard first. You did, Inej handing you a cloak as Kaz got into the boat. Inej untied it as another man dashed over and jumped in.

"Saints Jesper! You're going to flip us!" Inej gasped.

"No, it's fine- now paddle like your fucking life depend on it because it does!" Jesper yelled.

And so Inej rowed, after a good distance, Kaz removed his mask as did Inej. You looked the face of Kaz, looking in his eyes. You could see that behind a hardened persona laid a boy who still had a glint of humanity in him. You took a moment though, the second you were back in the waters of Ketterdam to breathe. Really breathe. The place was not perfect by any means. However it was, it still was home to you. You felt a drop of water on your shoulder. Kaz sighed. "Yes, rain on top of it all!" He said frustrated.

"Let it, it'll mask us for now." Inej said, pulling into a harbor.

You were helped out the boat by this Jesper man. The rain fall got worse as you walked through the streets of Ketterdam. "I swear to the saints this is the most annoying job I've done" Kaz muttered.

"I thought you didn't believe in saints?" Inej teased. Kaz gritted his teeth.

"Forgive them, they were raised in a barn." Jesper said to you. You smiled slightly. "So you're out of prison. What's the first thing you want to do?" Jesper asked. You pondered.

"Have a nice meal." You said. He laughed.

"A respectable answer." He said making you chuckle. Kaz entered the club, all of you following behind.

You froze in your tracks though the instant you saw her. Jesper saw the look on your face. Everyone could see the look on your face. What was supposed to be a heartwarming reunion of sisters was something far different.

Rage. Unbridled Rage.

"Oh thank the saints! You're safe!" Dahlia said, rushing forward to hug you. You immediately shoved her away, Inej looking at Kaz confused.

"Y/n? Are you alright?" Dahlia asked.

"You think I don't know?" You scoffed. Jesper looked at Kaz then you.

"Y/n, I paid for your freedom--"

"You took my freedom!" You snapped. Kaz could see something different with Dahlia's stance. He underestimated the teary eyed girl. He didn't like being fooled. And he certainly didn't like going through all that for a traitor. Kaz gripped his cane, the leather cracking sound of his gloves alerting Inej to his anger. She suspected that if the man wasn't wearing gloves, his knuckles would be white.

"Y/n, I surely don't know what you are talking about-"

"You and Pekka fucking Rollins!" You shouted. Heads in the club certainly turned to that name. "You tried to sell me- you and father both did! To that-that monster! And when it didn't work you had me framed for fucking murder!" You screamed. Inej frowned, looking at Kaz shocked by the revelation.

"Y/n, let's discuss this somewhere else- we'll have coffee- we'll talk-" you shook with anger.

"I would rather go back to Hellgate than ever talk to you or father again." You snarled. Dahlia went silent.

"The girl you knew, the one that bowed to your abuse, father's abuse is dead. And you killed her." You said. Dahlia finally dropped the facade, her face looking at you with hatred.

"You have nowhere to run Y/n. You will come home or you will go back." She said.

"I'll die first." You said. "I can arrange that." She said, a despicable look on her face. You swallowed hard, staring her down. It felt like you were staring at a monster even worse than whatever came from the Hellshow. Jesper looked at Kaz for guidance.

A gun was drawn from under Dahlia's dress and Kaz raised his cane to her, everyone else following suit. There must've been dozens of guns and pistols aimed at Dahlia, along with a few knives.

"There's a problem with this." Kaz said. "I was told to bring Y/n back. Here she is." Kaz said.

"Oh for fucks sake." Dahlia huffed, slamming her bag down. "Your money is in there." She said, not removing her eyes from you.

"Inej."

Inej reached into the bag, pulling out the jars of money. "It's here Kaz." She said.

"Good. Jesper." Kaz said.

A loud shot rang out and Dahlia toppled over. You saw the pool of blood form from her head as her dead gaze landed on you one last time. You shook, partially from fear, partially from the fact that you were damp from the rain. Kaz looked at your sister with disgust. "I hate being lied to. Even more, I hate that it worked." Kaz said. "Lynn. Clean it up." Kaz said. A woman sighed, walking over. "You. Follow me. Now." He said to you.

"Kaz wait a minute." Jesper halted.

"What Jesper?" Kaz snapped.

"The girl is hungry. She's cold. Have some humanity." He said. Kaz looked at you. He sighed.

"Xander, make her a steak. She deserves it. There's a fireplace in my office." He said, motioning for you to go. You looked at your sister one last time before looking back at Kaz. This man didn't need to rescue you, but he did. He didn't need to kill Dahlia, but he did. He didn't need to feed you, and yet there he was making a demand for food.

You took the time to eat, following Kaz back to a place he called "The Slat". You walked with him into his office as he lit the fireplace. "Sit." He said, motioning for you to sit on the couch.

"I am wet from the rain... If you don't mind I'll sit on the floor." You muttered.

"Do what you'd like, I don't care." He sighed, sitting on the couch.

You looked into the fireplace, feeling warmth for the first time in almost a year. Real warmth. You held out your hands, letting them heat up. Kaz looked at you. You were ruthless when you had to be. You were charming enough that you found a friend in the worst place. You could he useful, only if you wanted to be.

"Your sister said you had nowhere to go." Kaz said, looking at you. You didn't look him in the eyes.

"I suppose that's true... Now that Quincy is dead I..." you cleared your throat, lowering your hands. "I have no one." You muttered.

"You can work for us." He said, leaning back. You looked at him finally.

"What?" You asked shocked.

"The Dregs. You can join the ranks. You'll stay here with us until you're on your feet." He said.

"You want me to join the gang that is rivals with the other that tried to kill me?" You asked.

"We have a common enemy." Kaz said. You couldn't argue with that. You wanted that Pekka bastard dead.

"What... exactly are the benefits?" You asked. "You'll have a roof over your head. Friends even, if you like that sort of thing. You won't go hungry. The only thing you'll have to do are the jobs I give you." He said. You looked at him.

"You're not... shipping me to the Menagerie are you?" You asked. Kaz scoffed.

"Hardly not. Inej would have my head if I did." He said. You looked at him and the hand he extended to you. You noticed, despite the wetness of the man's gloves, he did not remove them.

You had come from Hell and survived. You had lived in Hell and survived. Now wasn't just an offer of food and a roof but a chance to side with the very people Pekka hated. That was enticing. That was more than enticing.

That was perfect.

[garfinkelstingle]

all the things (and nothings) | jeremiah fisher

pairing: jeremiah fisher x reader (gender not specified)

warnings: pretty sure that for the very first time there are NONE!!!!!!

word count: 265

summary: reader is just very lucky to have someone like jeremiah in her life

a/n: please do not ask me where this came from. it was written in five minutes but i do like it. it's cute. plus i haven't posted in an actual eternity so i'm happy to have released something!! also there's a ton of (normal-length) stuff that i'm working on since my internship was going kinda slow so i'll be sure to release some more stuff this summer :) also really hope you're all doing blissfully well xxx

masterlist

I never realized what a big deal that was. How amazing it is to find someone who wants to hear about all the things that go on in your head. —Nina LaCour

You were talking; you had been for hours. Neither of you were really sure what it was you were talking about, but it didn't matter. It never did with Jeremiah.

With him, every topic was treated as if it was of utmost importance. He would focus his entire attention on you, and stare you down with those big blue's of his. There was no "too ridiculous" or "who cares?" with him. Everything you said mattered, no matter how idiotic or miniscule.

He would remember every little detail of whatever it is you talked about last time, and make sure to incorporate it into your next discussion if it fit, showing you that he paid attention, always, and that he really, truly, cared.

You never had that before, not from your parents, or friends, or boyfriends. There was always something you said that didn't belong or wasn't of importance; you never minded. That's how it's always been, and you were okay with it. You've learned to live with it. Everyone somehow did, didn't they?

But you never actually realized how big of a deal it was. How amazing it was, to have found someone who wanted to hear about all the things that went on in your head, no matter what. It was special, and so was he, and you were lucky, so, so lucky. That you were aware of, would always be aware of.

You loved him, and he loved you, and if you were to talk about nothing for the rest of your lives—it was nice to know that that would never change.

[justdaphne]

The Crows during Barbenheimer

Kaz

You can tell what color he’s already wearing. LITERALLY straight out of Oppenheimer.

“Kaz can you get Barbie tickets I already got Oppenheimer”

“6 tickets” “for Oppenheimer?” *stares* “Barbie”

Kaz was awake during the whole duration of Oppenheimer. He actually liked it.

Of course, he understands it. Everything. Afterwards, he had a discussion with Wylan for better bomb creations

“KAZZZZ I DONT GET ITTTT” “not everyone has the level of intelligence to.”

For Barbie, Nina managed to sneak some pink paint onto his coat

Honestly, he didn’t like it but he understood the message and was there for Inej (only) who was probably getting a tad bit emotional (who else wasn’t) So he tried his best to comfort her.

Jesper

A pink atomic bomb dropped on him

“CMON BARBIE LET’S GO PARTY I’M A BARBIE GIRL IN A BARBIE WORLD ..” He’s been singing that song non-stop.

Jesper slept during Oppenheimer. He was probably most awake during THAT scene though.

“I DONT GET IT WHAT DOES IT MEAN” “What did he say?” “HUHHHH” “WHEN IS THIS OVERRRRR” “Wylan this is YOUR THING”

“JESPER STFU”

A whole different person during Barbie. Got the Barbie popcorn, Barbie tumblr, even decorated his guns pink.

After the movie? A sobbing mess.

“I am Kenough. I AM KENOUGH.”

Continues not stopping to sing Barbie girl

Inej

Personally, I think she wore a less flashy color of pink..so dark pink? (Does she even have pink?) Well Nina helped.

“Inej what’s he doing?” yeah she does the explaining but not all of it BECAUSE SOME PEOPLE KEEP TALKING DURING THE MOVIE, SO SHE LOSES FOCUS ON WHAT THEY’RE SAYING.

“Please don’t tell me you plan on recreating that bomb Kaz”

She probably felt bored in some of the scenes.

During Barbie she had the time of her life. Laughing (Kaz was somewhat smiling because of that) Dancing in her seat during uplifting music playing and also tearing up. Especially during that line about the struggles of women.

She felt Kaz’s hands squeezing hers.

Pretty much comforting everyone else after the whole film (Mom of the group thingssssss)

Wylan

I think he’d wear black with a tad bit of pink to match both movies

HE ABSOLUTELY LOVEDDD OPPENHEIMER. He found it so interesting. Also inspiring maybe

“Maybe I can.. NO I WON’T”

Father son moment with Kaz about stuff . They were talking about everything that happened but most importantly if Wylan could recreate it but that’s dumb hahaaha Inej stopped it right away

HE ALSO ABSOLUTELY LOVED BARBIE. Ryan Gosling.

Laughing, dancing, crying too but he had to comfort Jesper.

The only person he could deeply analyse the movie with was Inej because everyone else was busy crying, comforting or Kaz.

“I loved how ..”

Nina

Dressed in absolutely the Barbiest pink you can imagine. And a cowboy hat.

In Oppenheimer she can literally tell who a character is played by. “IS THAT DEVIN BOWSTICK”

Most definitely awake during THAT scene. “I have a crush on Florence Pugh.”

After that, she doesn’t understand a thing. BOMBS. EXPLOSION. CILLIAN. that’s it.

She needed a whole 30 minute explain video.

“I come out of the cinema as J R Oppenheimer.”

“Nina, you know nothing about quantum physics.”

Like Jesper, SOOO HYPED FOR BARBIE. BARBIE GIRL. BARBIE WORLD. MARGOT ROBBIE. MOSTLY MARGOT ROBBIE.

“WATCH ME. DAAAAANCCEEEEE DANCE THE NIGHT AWAY”

A sobbing mess pt 2

But it’s fine because Barbie World started playing so she’s dancing again. With puffy eyes. #moodswings

“That..was a cinematic masterpiece. *intellectual statement*” but like 2 business days after the movie because she needed time to process and think and recover.

Matthias

Nina would PERSONALLY make Matthias try out a whole wardrobe. Black? Pink? Black AND Pink??????

“Nina, let me wear whatever I want”

“NO.”

He’s just there because Nina is there. Probably judges the whole Oppenheimer movie.

“Is that ethical?” “Is that reasonable?” “IS THAT BIBLICAL?”

But overall he probably was just silent during Oppenheimer.

But of course, he does have some statements about the movie #critic101 .

“So Matthias what do you think?” “It was a cinematic masterpiece.. Christopher Nolan.. *blah blah blah*”

He secretly enjoyed Barbie. Secretly. Maybe he said it was too girly for him but he secretly liked it.

“I’M JUST KEN ANYWHERE ELSE I’D BE A TEN”

Of course, he comforts Nina because she’s sobbing. Hugs her. Kisses her. And reassures her.

He tells her that he’s grateful for someone like her in his life and he thanks her for being as strong as she is no matter how hard it is. Which makes her cry harder.

[thesummerpetsalamander]

Don’t get me wrong, I’m living for Frenchie and Colin but I wish they’d explored a different aspect of Frenchies back story this season. like how he finally escaped from his dad (did he kill him in the end or run away?) or being homeless and having to become a prostitute to survive when he first came to the states.

I’m also convinced that Frenchies dad actually killed his mom but he’s blocked it out due to trauma. If they went down that route then that would have been an interesting way of linking his and Colin’s storyline.

THISSSSSSSS!!!!!!

when little nina mentioned his abusive father, and when he mentioned turning tricks’ in a flashback, i instantly wanted to know so much more about his backstory. those were two story arcs that were already set up for him to explore! but instead we get him and colin, which feels a bit rushed and kind of pointless anyway since we know nothing about colin. we know frenchie is going to lose colin, there’s no way this will work out. but we don’t care if he loses colin because colin has no emotional weight on the story. maybe if we got to see colin and frenchie’s relationship develop from the start we’d care more about them, but it was thrown at us just for it to be taken away immediately in an attempt to force the audience to pity frenchie. but we already know frenchie feels regret for his kills. i want to see how other aspects of his past shape him as a person.

we could still delve into frenchie’s guilt for being a hitman — but let’s explore what drove him to become a hitman. like you said, anon, did he have to kill his dad to finally be free? did this + turning tricks in america make him feel like the only thing he was good for was his body — his physical form, only made to please or hurt others, only made to follow commands. we see how he yearns for true individual freedom, but he struggles so much to actually free himself from those who hold the end of his chain. why is that? why does he not let himself to decide his own fate when that is all he wants? does he not trust himself — after a life of listening to others, does he not feel he can think for himself? does he think that if he tries to make his own decisions he’ll fuck up, so he only lets himself do what others tell him? or does he think he doesn’t deserve it — after killing so many people, does he think he deserves to be kept on a short chain for his sins?

frenchie is SUCH an interesting character, and they could be doing so much more with him. i’ve loved how they’ve explored his character over the past three and a half seasons, but i wish they would keep going further. clearly he has issues with his perception of his own autonomy. how did an abusive, controlling father affect this? anon, if your theory about his father killing his mother is true (it makes sense to me), how would that knowledge affect frenchie? how did turning tricks to survive in america impact his own self image and worth. how does selling his body for survival — first as a prostitute, then as a weapon — affect his perception of autonomy and identity? who does frenchie think frenchie is? these are all the paths i want to be explored with his character. if the writers wont do it, give me the pen.

all my kudos to the writers and the actor for creating such a great character. to leave the audience wondering more about your character like this is a compliment — it means we’re invested and we want to see more!!

also anon, feel free to message me to talk more about the show!! having the boys brainrot rn and id love to discuss it. or you can keep sending anons!

[marie-m-art]

A recurring feature that I like in Neil Gaiman's and Terry Pratchett's stories is the mundane and ordinary juxtaposed and blended with the extraordinary and fantastical.

There's a lot of humour derived from this, but it got me wondering if the concept also works as a theme under the surface of the humour, so I'll explore that idea a bit here with examples from Good Omens and Discworld.

First a look at the humour side, because it's fun, and so that people know what I'm referring to:

-In the opening sequence of Good Omens S1E1: an angel and a demon (fantastical beings) are conversing like ordinary people, using idioms like "Well that went down like a lead balloon", against a setting of biblical proportions.

-The Archangels' meeting in S2E6 discussing first the Second Coming ("Nah!"), and then next on the agenda is the cleaning roster.

-The visuals of heaven and hell in general - it's the subversion of expectations on what these places "should" look and function like - offices, clipboards, contracts, bureaucracy. This is humour and seems like theme/motif at the same time; the visual cues say a lot about heaven and hell and their role in this story.

-Death from the Discworld books owns an umbrella stand and a hairbrush, likes kitty cats, and rides a white horse named Binky.

-In Small Gods, the Great God Om is incarnated as a tortoise:

And it came to pass that in that time the Great God Om spake unto Brutha, the Chosen One:

'Psst!'

Next, looking at the concept's thematic or metaphorical potential.

The following excerpt gets me thinking about how people put outsized importance on mundane things, and about normalcy bias kicking in when a narrow mind is confronted with extraordinary events.

From Good Omens book (about RP Tyler):

It is a high and lonely destiny to be Chairman of the Lower Tadfield Residents' Association.

[…]

Your car is on fire.

No. Tyler just couldn't bring himself to say it. I mean, the man had to know that, didn't he? He was sitting in the middle of it. Possibly it was some kind of practical joke.

Next, a scene that makes me think about retreating into the mundane to cope, after being confronted with an extraordinary event.

From Good Omens S2E6:

Nina: Oh, God, I should've been open half an hour ago.

Maggie: How can you think about that after all this??

Nina: People need coffee, I sell coffee, it's my coffee shop.

And next, thinking about how the minutiae of the everyday distracts us from paying enough attention to big world issues (a bit of normalcy bias again too). 

From Good Omens book (when the horsepersons of the apocalypse arrive at the airbase):

No one stopped the four as they purposefully made their way into one of the long, low buildings under the forest of radio masts. No one paid any attention to them. Perhaps they saw nothing at all. Perhaps they saw what their minds were instructed to see, because the human brain is not equipped to see War, Famine, Pollution, and Death when they don't want to be seen, and has got so good at it that it often manages not to see them even when they abound on every side.

Next, two excerpts from Discworld books. At first I was thinking along the lines of needing to focus on the everyday because we can't spend all our time focusing on big existential stuff, or, how we take the wonders of nature for granted because of busy lives; but then I realized, I think it's actually a clever inversion of what we consider to be ordinary - that just being alive, against all odds, in the vast universe, is actually quite extraordinary.

From Small Gods:

And one of [the brain's] functions is to make the miraculous seem ordinary and turn the unusual into the usual.

Because if this was not the case, then human beings, faced with the daily wondrousness of everything, would go around wearing big stupid grins […] And no one would do much work.

Gods don't like people not doing much work. People who aren't busy all the time might start to think.

Part of the brain exists to stop this happening. It is very efficient. It can make people experience boredom in the middle of marvels.

[more going on in the above than just the subject of the post, but I'm narrowing the focus here]

From Hogfather:

THERE IS A PLACE WHERE TWO GALAXIES HAVE BEEN COLLIDING FOR A MILLION YEARS, said Death, apropos of nothing. DON'T TRY TO TELL ME THAT'S RIGHT.

"Yes, but people don't think about that," said Susan. Somewhere there was a bed …

CORRECT. STARS EXPLODE, WORLDS COLLIDE, THERE'S HARDLY ANYWHERE IN THE UNIVERSE WHERE HUMANS CAN LIVE WITHOUT BEING FROZEN OR FRIED, AND YET YOU BELIEVE THAT A … A BED IS A NORMAL THING. IT IS THE MOST AMAZING TALENT.

And a quote from Terry Pratchett himself, inverting ordinary/extraordinary (the whole video is great, by the way):

Within the story of evolution is a story far more interesting than any in the Bible. It teaches us amazing things: that stars are not important - there is nothing interesting about stars. Street lamps are very important, because they're so rare. As far as we know there's only a few million of them in the universe. And they were built by monkeys! Who came up with philosophy, and gods.

He also mentioned here that his impression after reading the Old Testament was: "If this is all true, then we are in the hands of a madman!" Off topic again, but relevant to some of what went into Good Omens I think.

Not sure if I've proved anything here, and that wasn't the goal, but it was fun to find some quotes for my brain to play around with!

[swanimagines]

Hi!! Can I get a A10 with Jesper Fahey please? Thanks!!

Prompt: A10. “Stop snoring! You sound like a chainsaw.”

WAKE UP

In those rare cases where heists didn’t go according to plan, it was usually because of the weather. Kaz had a safehouse pinpointed, of course, but he was a handful to deal with those times and exchanged tense discussions with Inej at the corner of the room while the rest of you gathered what you could to get some sleep.

Thunderstorm had brought heavy rain with it, which pounded on the tin roof of this hut - sleeping wouldn’t be easy unless the rain eased up. But on the other hand, in that case Kaz would be up in seconds and tell you to proceed with the heist, and after you had travelled the whole day, some shuteye would do wonders. You could only pray that Inej would make Kaz realise that before he would tell you to rub your eyes and get going. Despite how much they both denied it, Inej just seemed to have a way to make even Kaz soften and see reason beyond kruge. The heist could wait, but failure possibility would be higher if you played with your sleep. Just because Kaz seemed to have automatic caffeine running in his veins on will didn’t mean the rest of you had the same skill. Except maybe Jesper, that guy was as active as a rabbit. You had never seen a day where he wasn’t jumping around.

So here you were, rummaging through closets, trying to find something to cover the floor with, and maybe a pillow equivalent if possible. You could use your coat as a blanket, but sleeping without nothing under your head could cause neck stiffness.

“Here,” Jesper’s voice suddenly said from beside you, and you turned, seeing him holding his coat out towards you. You raised your eyebrows slightly.

“Don’t you need it?”

He shook his head, then gestured to his outfit. “Not as much as you. I have a long-sleeved shirt on under this, you don’t.”

You huffed. “You watched me dress?”

He rolled his eyes. “No. You always dress lightly under your coat.”

You eyed the coat for a moment longer and then slowly grabbed it. “Thanks.”

He smirked, then joined you on rummaging through the closet. “Anything for my favourite Crow.”

A moment later, you found a drawer full of bedsheets and called out to others. And soon, the room was covered on sheets, Kaz making his way as far as possible from the rest of you. Inej looked after him for a moment and then sighed - you couldn’t help but shake your head and be amused. Your dear boss was sulking again, but at least he wasn’t snapping at any of you for a reason you couldn’t help.

“Thanks for talking to him,” you muttered to Inej as she passed you, finding a place near the door. She nodded.

“He intended to switch to another plan he had thought about, but I convinced him to let us all sleep for a few hours first, even if that storm lets up. And eventually, he agreed.”

You closed your eyes for a moment. “Thank the Saints for you.”

She looked at the direction of that far dark corner where Kaz had disappeared to, his black clothes blending him as one with the shadows. “It doesn’t mean he’s not pissed about it.”

You shrugged. “Mm, I know. But he might be less pissed in the morning, seeing that there’s a possibility he’ll get some rest.”

Inej raised an eyebrow. “Kaz Brekker resting?”

You pursed your lips. “Well, there’s always a possibility he does, albeit small.”

Inej let out a breath, and then put the sheet in front of her. “I suppose you’re right about that. And at least we all can put up with him better if we’ve rested.”

With that, she turned and spread the sheet next to the door, and you laid down on your own sheet. You bundled Jespers coat into a pillow and put it under your head, before you let your eyes wander around the room. Everyone was laying down, Nina and Matthias talking quietly, holding hands, Wylan curled up in the corner and Jesper being nearest to you, already drifting asleep. So, you laid down too, trying to find a good position on a hard plank floor. The rain outside had settled into a quieter one, almost soothing, and you sighed before you closed your eyes.

But, just as you were drifting into sleep, a loud, raspy voice jolted you awake. You frowned, looking around the walls and curtain-covered windows, wondering if there was an intruder - but then it happened again and you turned your eyes to Jesper.

He laid there, sprawled wide, his mouth wide open, producing loudest snores you had ever heard. You huffed quietly before you nudged Jesper, causing his snoring to hitch before it continued. So you nudged him harder, making his body rock back and forth a few times before he finally groaned. “What?”

You scoffed. “Stop snoring! You sound like a chainsaw.”

“I don’t snore, love,” he muttered, his eyes shutting and opening slowly.

“What is that noise then? It sounds like you’re trying to snore your way through the floorboards.” You shook your head, pressing your head against his coat again. “If it continues, I’ll gag you with your own coat.”

Jesper snorted softly at that, a sleepy smile spreading into his face. “If this thing we have actually evolves and you’re moving into my room at some point, we may have a problem with sleeping if you can’t handle my beauty sleep noises.”

“Hey, noises like that would wake up anyone,” you retorted, and Jesper raised his eyebrows.

“Really? Why isn’t anyone else awake then?”

“We all are awake, Jesper,” Kaz’s voice suddenly called out from the dark corner, making Jesper flinch. “And if you two won’t quit fighting about your future as a couple, this night is as good as nothing.”

Agreeing murmurs filled the room, and Jesper clenched his jaw – you both had thought you had succeeded in keeping your budding relationship discreet. He then sighed. “Sorry, everyone. I’ll try to behave.”

“You’d better,” Nina murmured, her voice muffled against Matthias’s chest.

Jesper grumbled something unintelligible, and you thought for a moment, looking at Jesper’s form as he turned to his side. Then, you carefully scooted closer, laying your hand on Jesper’s waist, making him turn to look at you. He smirked as he rolled around to face you, wrapping his arms around you and you nuzzled against his chest, before you slowly drifted asleep together.

---

Requests are open! FANDOM LIST | PROMPT LIST(S) | RULES (READ!!!)

[toopaletogotojail]

More SOC headcanons (more like situations) (I have never read the books so ooc warning?) ⚠️

The crow couples getting 'unwanted attention' (light-hearted)

Kanej: Inej then kaz

*Kaz is jealous that someone is 'into' Inej but she doesn't realise it, they have an awkward discussion about expressing feelings (because of his moodiness), and Kaz finally admits it. Inej has no idea someone had a crush on her and laughs at Kaz for being jealous, teasing him a little*

*Inej knows that Kaz can't tell when someone is trying to seduce him because he quotes "I have better things to notice" (ways to make that kruge babey) so she isn't all that bothered, but will absolutely interfere if it gets a bit far*

In conclusion, both parties are oblivious (yet incredibly dangerous, and can deal with this themselves, independent queens)

Helnik: Matthias then Nina

*Nina internally sighs when Matthias keeps getting ogled, but Matthias thinks they're trying to trick him or something malicious and tend to drive them away. Nina has to tell him what they were actually doing, to which Matthias makes some sappy comment about how his heart's "already been taken by a certain heartrender"*

*Matthias gets antsy when anyone tries to make a move on his beloved, and probably would be able to tell when someone is *onto* Nina. He knows her personality and that she'd never cheat, and of course she can defend herself against creeps, but it doesn't hurt if he threatens them a little so they'd back off, right?*

In conclusion, one is a queen, and he's just ken

Wesper: Jesper then Wylan

*the entire Kuwei situation, omggggg.*

*in all seriousness, Wylan would be the kind of person to fume silently when someone lays a not-so-innocent hand on his dear sharpshooter, hold himself back from throwing some kind of bomb at the "criminal", before putting on his best merchant face and steering him away with polite words, in which Jesper sees right through him and reassures him that "I am YOUR trophy husband Wy, don't worry about that"*

*Jesper makes an incredulous face whenever someone hits on wylan, his thoughts resembling the infamous miette, "you hit on MY boyfriend? you take away Jesper's favourite person?! Jail for mean person! Send straight to Hellgate!!" but like Wylan, puts on his suave face and struts over, before making a clear physical claim (a hand around his waist, a kiss on the neck or mouth, nothing uncomfortable) so that the offending party can go away. Wylan is amused but doesn't really mind*

In conclusion, both are jealous boys but they understand each others actions and respect their choices

I hope you can tell I'm partial to Jesper's reaction in particular

[lskisms]

DEATH RESEMBLED YOU, J. FAHEY

synopsis — you’ve been beating around your feelings towards a certain zemeni durast for months now, but so it seems, has he.

genres &&. warnings — angst, hurt/comfort &&. mutual pining, confessions, canon-typical violence, discussions of loss and grief, spoilers for shadow and bone season 2/crooked kingdom regarding jesper’s history.

word count — 3k

note — in my “writing for shadow and bone” era. will be posting more joel miller content soon, i am just incredibly busy with school and working on a series for tlou rather than any one-shots. i hope you enjoy.

there’s not much you remember right now, which should be scary, losing your memory and all. but how can it be when you’re here, under a sea of stars and cradled in the warm embrace of the boy you’ve loved for years? jesper is so close in a way you’ve never had him, his personal scent of spices and gunsmoke, comforting and familiar, grounding you as he holds you to him.

your ears ring, locking you away from the audible world, but you can see and feel. jesper’s face wavers above you, dark eyebrows drawn together and darker eyes glassy with tears. you can feel the confusion ghost over your features and the words get stuck in your throat: why are you crying, jes? what’s wrong? how could anything be wrong when you’re pressed into his chest and one of his hands, trembling like a leaf in autumnal winds, cradles your cheek? all around you is warmth and you swear you’ve never felt so comfortable, so cozy. when your eyes begin to slip closed, it felt like the most natural thing to do; the darkness was coaxing you into its own embrace, away and further away from jesper. you don’t want to lose the feeling of the boy’s stable chest tight against your shoulder, but you feel so tired, nothing a nice slumber can’t fix.

as you’re allowing that dark tide to drift you out to sea, the ringing in your ears starts to fade, jesper’s voice slowly taking its place. your name sounds so desperate on his lips, each syllable quivering sonically the way his hand does physically. your eyes slide open, struggling to stay open all the way but trying, just to take in jesper’s face for a little while longer.

“hey, hey, hey.” you can hear the tears in his voice now and you’re still missing the reason why. “you’ve gotta stay awake, okay? keep your eyes open.”

you start to form his name on your own tongue, but he shakes his head, effectively keeping you quiet. you’re starting to come to, mind catching up with body, and you realize that jesper’s tears aren’t for nothing. every part of you aches something fierce, but there is a certain kind of sting in your stomach that you recognize is the source of your fatigue: you’ve been stabbed. the dizziness, the way your eyes threaten to slip closed, the full spectrum exhaustion.

“i told kaz i had a bad feeling, sending you off without a partner,” jesper mumbles to himself. you register his free hand at your stomach, pressing his scarf tightly against the wound. when you groan, he looks up, a poignant and solid kind of sorrow written across his face that morphs immediately into worry again when you start to feel that hypnotic pull of darkness once again.

he gasps out another series of “hey” and drags you back into consciousness, letting out a breathy laugh of relief, anything to keep you focused on him, on staying awake. but you’re losing that battle and quickly, something he realizes when your eyes are glossing over and looking through him at something he can’t see. you vaguely register his call of “nina! inej! anyone!” before he bends back over you, forehead dangerously close to yours.

you’d never admit it to anyone, but if you have to die now, you’re glad it’s in the arms of one of the only people who has ever made you feel welcome and worthy. maybe it’s because the crows are their own little family or maybe it’s because jesper knows what it’s like to be on the outskirts of something, not quite part of that ingroup, and never wanted you to feel the same, but ever since joining the group, jesper has been your self-appointed everything: friend, confidante, errand boy. and, like a popular fairytale, you fell for him.

jesper has always been everything you aren’t, filled in every gap that you have. he’s done more than fit seamlessly into your life; he has complemented you in ways that nobody else ever has. with someone like kaz, the relationship is a balancing act, too far in one direction and it’s off-kilter, but jesper, things are perfectly in sync. they always have been. with the way he transitioned into your life and made it feel like he’d always been there, like he’d been meant to come into your life, how could you not fall for him? whether he knows it or not, he’s shown you how to love and how to be loved, a lesson unintentionally taught yet learned eagerly.

so yeah, if you’re dying right now, jesper so close that the tip of his nose brushes yours and his breath fans hot and soft over your face, his arms wrapped tight around you, how could you not be okay with leaving the world like this? in the arms of the first and only boy you’ve ever loved, you can’t imagine a better way to go, though it’s saddening that dying is the only way you’d gotten him to hold you in the way you’ve been dreaming of for months. you make your peace with it. he has to know now, as you lean your weight into his body, cheek pressed to his shoulder, eyes finding purchase on his face, that you love him most ardently, that you have longed to be in this position for so many moons.

and you’re losing it again, that battle with being, and he’s rocking now, taking you with him as he buries his face in your hair, tears seeping through to the scalp. at least when you go, you’ll have a piece of him with you. his chest rumbles under you, his words warm against your skin, a steady plea of “come on. stay with me,” even though you know you can’t. you’ve never been meant to.

the darkness is familiar and comforting, all cinnamon and clove and gunpowder. and it’s soft, too. warm, like you’re pinned under the gaze of someone longing and silent. if this is what death feels like, you ponder why you were ever afraid of it in the first place because this seems like your personal heaven.

but then the darkness begins to break apart, all soft golden light and consciousness. your senses are coming back to you.

not dead, you think. i’m not dead. saints, i didn’t die in that alleyway.

you start taking stock of the senses you do have (sound, scent, touch), but you fixate on the weight on your hand, the dip in the mattress beside you. hand, warm, soft, uncalloused, nimble. breath hot against your fingers. and then there’s the allspice and gunsmoke, secrets of a zemeni upbringing that had been divulged to you in the quiet late night hours of private crow club bedrooms.

jesper.

you say his name this time, barely a whisper, and though you haven’t opened your eyes yet, you can tell that the boy stirs. because you know him the way he knows you, the way neither of you know anyone else. you can picture the way he squeezes his eyes shut, presses his shoulders back to release tension and sleep, things that only you know that he does as he wakes up. only when he shoots up, letting out some unintelligible sound of surprise, do you finally let your eyes slide open, squinting against early morning sunlight.

your name falls from him, soft and reverential, as if treating your name so delicately will ensure that you are alive, will speak your life into existence, coaxing you away from death. you don’t think you’ve ever seen him look so relieved as he does now, eyes shining as he looks down at you. his leg closest to the door keeps shifting, as if he’s warring between letting your friends know that you’re awake and not, though you’re not quite so sure of the implications of the second option.

finally, though, after glancing at the bedroom door, he settles back beside your bed, riding the very edge of the chair as though he can’t bear to put any semblance of distance between you.

“how do you feel?” he asks, shoving his hands between his thighs; it’s a habit of his, you realized months ago, something he does when his hands feel restless, but he doesn’t want to annoy others.

that’s right; you hadn’t finished taking inventory of yourself after you’d woken him up. besides the residual aches and the persistent pulsing of the knife wound in your side, you feel… okay. whoever it was that healed you (likely one of the many grisha in hiding here in ketterdam) deserves a million thanks because they did amazing work.

“i feel alright,” you answer, pulling yourself into a sitting position. “how long was i out?”

jesper shrugs, eyes falling to a fraying thread on the blanket. “a couple of days. which were miserable, might i add. inej and nina spent hours pacing the first few hours after we got you back here and while the healer was working on you.” he pauses for a moment, lips pursed as he turns something over in his head. you almost don’t think he’s going to say anything else until he opens his mouth and continues.

“the silence was almost unbearable after everyone left. i was the only one who stayed.”

you look at him, study the way he is making a point to not look at you. your heart aches: why doesn’t he want to look at me? did i read that night all wrong? it was possible, seeing as you’d been in the clutches of death and entirely delirious. you start to open your mouth to respond when the boy looks up, fresh tears in those clear eyes of his.

“i thought i was going to lose you.”

and there it is, that sharp knife of regret for something you couldn’t control. he wasn’t accusing you for what happened — he knew full well that it hadn’t been your fault. but there were other things, other people he could place blame on: kaz, who hadn’t thought there’d be a need for you to have a partner; himself because he hadn’t fought harder to convince kaz, because he hadn’t gotten there fast enough; the person who’d done this to you (long disposed of by now, if kaz had any say in the matter) because they considered you an enemy, hadn’t known the sweet feeling of being loved by you, of knowing that you were in their corner.

but under all of that, you know that it’s not why that sentence cuts so deep. he’d lost his mother through no fault of his own. and he’d abandoned his father on that jurda farm back in novyi zem under the impression that he was going to university in kerch. he’d lost nearly everyone who meant anything to him. maybe you’d severely underestimated how much value he placed in you, in your presence in his life.

“i’m sorry. i-“

jesper shakes his head, a sad kind of smile ghosting that perfect, plush mouth of his. “saints, it’s so cliche and childish of me, but…” he laughs, a sound thick with tears and dry humor. “i don’t care. i thought i was going to lose you without getting to tell you how i really feel about you. i’m not good with words the way you are, not when it comes to things like this, but you have to know now that i…”

the world around you falls away, the way it had when you’d been on your deathbed in some random alley in the city. there’s no steady hum of patrons filing out after an all-nighter, no street noise from outside the windows, not even a creak in the hall that denotes kaz or some other crow club member. right now, it is just you and jesper and the faint sounds of your breaths mingling in the silence as his words settle in.

“i knew something was wrong that night, but i gave you the benefit of the doubt because i know you can take care of yourself. but it wasn’t even twenty minutes before that feeling was too much. kaz didn’t want me leaving, but i just knew. i knew something had happened to you and then i found you just off one of the straats, bleeding to death.”

the breath he takes is trembling almost violently and your body moves faster than your mind; you can’t stop yourself from reaching out and taking the hand of his that fidgets with that damned loose thread. but you know what he means, that strange, otherworldly connection the two of you share, like some kind of telepathy; you could anticipate things, could sense when something bad had happened, even something great. you knew him inside and out, and vice versa.

“i didn’t know what to do. you were just laying there, not moving. you didn’t even react when i picked you up. it was like you were already gone. and the first thought i had after i need to get help was that i was going to lose you before i ever had the chance to tell you that i…”

he goes quiet, letting his voice trail off right before he gets to the words that you want to hear the most. but he’s looking at you and his eyes are glistening in that flaxen sunlight and he’s smiling that smile that is reserved for you and you alone, something akin to a secret, something earnest and warm and everything else that ketterdam so often seeks out and destroys.

and you realize that you don’t even need him to say it because it’s already there in spades without being vocalized. it’s there in the way he’s looking at you right now, in the way he refused to leave you alone when you were lost in the darkness, in the way he treats you with a safeguarded softness. it’s always been there; you were just too daft to notice it until now.

“jes…”

you’re not sure where you’re going, just that saying his name feels right, but when you trail off and his face drops, his shoulders tensing for a rejection that will never come, you do the only thing that’s reeling through your mind right now.

you cradle his face in your hands and meet him halfway, mouths soft and warm and tasting like sunlight. in his haste to get closer and comfortable, he nearly tips his chair over when he stands, towering over you. his own hands mimic yours, cradling your cheeks in those miraculously soft palms of his, fingertips pressing into skin. it’s not a heated kiss by any means, just something to test the waters, but it’s almost impossible to pull away. this is something you’ve dreamed about for months on end, the one thing you allow yourself to fantasize about as you fall asleep, knowing that it would never happen.

but it is. you are kissing jesper fahey and he is kissing you back. he is holding onto you like if he lets go, the whole moment will fall apart, disappear like a dream. he presses his lips impossible closer to yours, trying to close all the gaps between you, and it is his enthusiasm that finally causes the break away because you’re giggling breathlessly against his mouth.

of course, in typical jesper fashion, he doesn’t even move back entirely. yes, your mouths are no longer connected, but his nose brushes yours, there is a ghost of a touch between your foreheads. he remains so close that when you open your eyes and study his, you can see that the deep brown is not as consistent as you thought; rather, there are small flecks of gold and bronze that interrupt it. you think you could get lost in them forever if he’d let you.

“you’ve no idea how long i’ve been wanting to do that,” he says, the words fanning across your face in warmth exhale.

“i’ve no idea? you have no idea,” you respond, looking at him with complete bewilderment.

there’s no way he’s been wanting this for as long as you have, but he stares back, nothing short of amusement and recognition in his brown-gold-bronze eyes, and you realize that maybe he has. if not longer.

“this is ridiculous. you’re ridiculous,” you splutter, pushing him away by his shoulders and throwing yourself down into the covers dramatically (though mindful of the not-quite-healed-yet knife wound). jesper’s laugh in response is high and youthful and sonically pleasing, music-adjacent, and he follows you, the entire upper half of his body slumped over yours as he tucks his face against your shoulder and laughs more, laughs again, deep and full and comforting. you’re filled with a sense of pride, glad that you’re the one who can make him sound like that, so unguarded.

“that makes you ridiculous, too,” he responds in kind, finally crawling the rest of the way onto the mattress. you cease the playful struggle and he settles in behind you, body fit perfectly to yours, like two halves of a whole. his arm is warm and heavy over your waist, and you place your hand over his, fingers intertwining as you press them to your chest.

you've been in this position before, tucked against one another and reveling in the shared warmth, but this time, there is a mutual understanding that this means more, that it is more. he’s right, that you both are ridiculous for a multitude of things, but you finally ended up right where you are meant to be. there is hope and warmth and the promise of a future that looks brighter, clearer than the lives you lead now. maybe you’ll never leave ketterdam, maybe the two of you are bound to the crows and kaz brekker until death, but now you know you have each other.

[hellfirehottie]

California Dreamin' - Eddie Munson

Chapter Six - Everywhere (Part One)

Content warnings: almost first kiss x2, mentions of the upside down, mentions of scars (upside down and family trauma), lots of fluff, lots of sexual tension, idiots in love, friends to lovers, jealousy, alcohol consumption, w**d use, Eddie has a nightmare, lots of lovely reassurance!!

‘Can you hear me calling out your name? 

You know I’m falling and I don’t know what to say, 

Come along, baby, we better made a start, 

You better make it soon before you break my heart. 

Oh, I, I want to be with you everywhere.” 

Everywhere - Fleetwood Mac 

Sunday / Steve’s house / 3pm

Eddie walks through the sliding door of the back of the house. Jonathan is cooking burgers on the BBQ, Nancy and Robin are sipping drinks by the pool, and Nina and Steve are play-fighting in the pool. 

Eddie: [sliding open the patio door] “Hey guys!” [putting the cold pack of beers down on a table beside Jonathan, looking confused] “What are they doing?”  Jonathan: “Hey man.” [looking up from the burgers at Nina and Steve, amused] “It appears that Nina is trying to drown Steve.”  Robin: [chiming in from the side] “Steve complained about getting his hair wet so Nina is trying to dunk him. She is yet to be successful.” 

Steve picks Nina up over his shoulder and slams her under the water. Eddie looks worried until Nina emerges from the water, laughing hysterically. Eddie looks on, jealous.

Nancy: “Steve is surprisingly strong.” [Jonathan raises his eyebrows at her, she shrugs her shoulders dismissively, smirking]  Jonathan: “Did you bring any weed?”  Eddie: [bopping Jonathan on the nose, Jonathan rolls his eyes] “Only the best for my favourite customer!”

Eddie and Jonathan roll a joint each, smoking whilst discussing barbecuing techniques. Eddie’s eyes regularly flick over to Nina, seeing if she has noticed him, seeing if she’s safe in the pool. Nina and Steve are talking quietly in the pool. Eddie gulps down his jealousy. 

Steve: “Go and talk to him.”  Nina: [fake ignorance] “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”  Steve: “You’ve been eyeing him up since he got here.”  Nina: “I'll have you know I’m waiting for my burger to be done.”  Steve: [smirking, wiggling his eyebrows] “Are you sure it’s not the sight of Eddie in cargo shorts?” 

Nina is gobsmacked, making a wave of water from the pool and splashing him hard, wetting his hair.

Steve: (teasing) “Don’t go passing out like a Victorian lady at the sight of his exposed ankle.”  Nina: “I’m warning you Harrington.” [she splashes him harder this time] Steve: “You know, just for that, I’ll tell him that you love the sight of his hairy bare knees.”  Nina: [challenging] “Don’t you dare.”  Steve: (sing-song) “Oh Eddie! Nin-“ 

Nina succeeds in dunking Steve under the water, a strained smile on her face. Eddie turns around, confused, looking at Nina as she uncomfortably dunks Steve in the water. 

Nina: “Nothing Eddie! Carry on!”  Steve: [emerging from the water, hair in his eyes] “Well that taught me. Who knew the power of Eddie could turn you into the Shehulk.”  Nina: (smirking) “Watch your mouth or I’ll do it again.” [Steve laughs and splashes Nina as he swims out the pool.] 

Nina swims to the edge of the pool, resting her arms and head on the edge of the pool. Eddie picks up a burger and sits on the edge of the pool by Nina, dangling his feet in the water.

Eddie: “You called, m’lady?”  Nina: (embarrassed) “Steve was just joking on, ignore that.”  Eddie: “I brought you your burger.”  Nina: “Awh, thank you.”  Eddie: “Want a drag?”  Nina: “Please.” 

Nina takes the burger in one hand, having a few bites, giving it to Eddie with a raised eyebrow, who finishes off the burger. She takes a few drags of the spliff before giving it back to Eddie, and continues to lie back and float in the pool. 

Eddie: (amused) “You shouldn’t eat and swim you know, you’ll sink.”  Nina: (teasingly) “I thought Steve was the dad here. You coming in?”  Eddie: “Oh no, I didn’t bring any swimming shorts.”  Nina swims over to him with a mischievous grin, holding onto his foot.  Nina: “Who needs shorts when you can come in like this?”  Eddie: [warning tone, but can't help but grin] “Don’t you dare.”  Nina: (coy smile) “The water’s nice, come on in.” [giving Eddie a tug on his foot, testing the waters]  Eddie: “No way! Be gone, demon!” [Eddie splashes Nina with his foot, drenching Nina, who laughs]  Nina: “Fine, but I don’t give up that easily.” 

30mins later 

Nina is lying on her back, floating in the pool, stoned. Eddie is sitting on the side, drying off in the sun, his clothes lying on a sun lounger to dry from when Nina succeeded in pulling him into the pool. He feels self conscious; topless in front of Nina, his scars from the upside down exposed. 

Eddie finds himself zoned out staring at Nina’s body as she lies with her eyes closed floating. 

Nina: (teasing) “Like what you see Munson?”  Eddie: [embarrassed at being caught but hiding it well] “I- well, yeah actually.”  Nina: (smirking) “Smooth.”  Eddie: (amused) “Shut up. You having fun, there?”  Nina: [contently sighing, very stoned] “The water feels nice.” 

Eddie watches her fondly for a few moments, smiling at her as she floats, oblivious to Eddie’s gaze. 

Jonathan: “Cannonball!” [Jonathan tackles Nancy into the pool, sending a tidal wave over Nina, pulling her under the water. Nancy and Nina reappear from the water, unamused, while Jonathan grins.] “Chicken, anyone?”  Nina: “Chicken?”  Nancy: “You play in pairs and try to push the competition off the others shoulders.”  (scowling) Because apparently I’m dating a 11 year old.”  Jonathan: “Speaking of 11 year olds…” 

Dustin, Mike, Will, Luke, El and Max appear on their bikes. They dump them on the ground outside and climb over the fence to Steve’s garden. 

Steve: “What are you guys doing here?”  Mike: “We smelled food.” 

They walk over to the table and help themselves to food, Steve swatting at them with the BBQ tongs. 

Jonathan: “So, chicken?”  El: “We’ll play!” [dragging Mike towards the pool]  Mike: “We will?” [El nods enthusiastically, already stripping off, and Mike gives in, taking his top off and hopping into the pool]  Jonathan: “We’ll do Nancy VS El first, the battle of the Wheelers.” 

Everyone erupts in “Oohs!” 

El and Nancy battle it out: Dustin, Lucas, Max and Will chanting for El and Mike, Steve, Robin, Eddie and Nina chanting for Nancy. Nancy succeeds in knocking El off Mike’s shoulders, landing in the water with a splash. 

El: “Maybe you should go on my shoulders next time, Mike.” [Mike looks at El sheepishly.]  Max: “My turn!” [pulling off her shoes]  Lucas: “Hell no, I’m not getting my hair wet. It took too damn long to look this damn good.”  Max: [pushing Luke in the pool, grinning madly at Luke who looks unimpressed] “Too late.”  Lucas: “Fucks sake, fine.” 

Max climbs onto Luke’s shoulders. 

Max: “Eddie and Nina, you’re up.”  Eddie: (to Max) “Hell no, you play dirty.” [Max smiles evily]  Max: “Don’t be a pussy.”  Nina: (to Eddie, teasing) “Yeah Eddie, don’t be a pussy.” 

Eddie scoffs at Nina, patting his shoulders to signal her to jump up. She wraps her legs around his waist from behind and Eddie gulps, his hands grabbing her thighs and hoisting her up on his shoulders. 

He takes a deep breath to focus, concentrating on Lucas’ face rather than Nina’s thighs around his head. 

El: “And… go!” 

Nina and Max throw arms at each other, laughing loudly as they attempt to knock each other off. 

Luke smirks at Eddie, who is struggling to maintain composure, as Max does in fact play dirty, ticking Nina’s sides. Nina squeals and clenches her thighs, Eddie’s eyes going wide as he lets go of Nina, head smothered by her thick thighs. Eddie and Nina fall backwards into the water. 

As they resurface, Eddie and Nina look at each other apologetically as Max and Luke high-five each other, laughing. 

Max: “It worked!” Nina: [splashing Max] “You do play dirty! You little shit!”  Eddie: “We want a rematch!” 

They continue to play chicken, Eddie and Nina successfully knocking Max into the water twice. 

On their fourth and final game, Nina is knocked off Eddie’s shoulder forcefully by Max: accidentally kicking the purple scars on his waist as she falls in. Eddie winces. 

Nina: [re-emerging from the water, worried] “Are you okay? Did I hurt you?”  Eddie: [reassuringly, putting on a brave face, faltering] “I’m okay, don’t worry.”  Max: (apologetically) “I’m sorry Eddie, I didn’t mean to be so rough.”  Nina: (worried) “Are you okay? Are you in pain?”  Eddie: [smiling through the pain] “I’m fine. Let’s go again.” 

Eddie was quite enjoying having Nina so close to him, he didn’t want to stop now. 

Nina: “Maybe we should stop, you’re hurting.”  Eddie: (stubborn)  “I’m fine!” 

Lucas and El look on worriedly, Max chews her lip with guilt and Dustin has a sad look on his face. 

Nina: [sensing the tension] “Come on, we’ll get some food.” 

Nina gets out of the pool, to which Eddie averts his eyes, trying not to ogle at her in her black bikini. His cheeks flush as he makes stiff eye contact with the rippling water. 

Nina: “Coming?”  Eddie: [weakly, embarrassed, wriggling in his shorts] “Be there in a sec.” 

Eddie follows her out the pool five minutes later (once his semi went down) and they sit on a sun lounger by the poolside, away from the hubbub of the pool. 

Nina: [looking at his scars] “Are they sore?”  Eddie: (reserved, self conscious) “A bit. It’s okay.”  Nina: [chewing her lip, worried] “Can I get you anything? Some painkillers? I’m sorry I hurt you.”  Eddie: (smiling encouragingly) “It’s not your fault. Another beer would be nice.”  Nina: (smiling) “Sure.” 

Nina walks into the kitchen where Dustin is talking quietly with El, Luke and Max. Back outside, once Nina is out of eyesight, Eddie winces in pain, rubbing the dark scars on his ribs to soothe the ache. 

Steve: (concerned) “You alright, man?”  Eddie: “Just peachy.” [leaning back on the chair, frowning with discomfort] “Just peachy.”  Steve: “They still hurting you?”  Eddie: (bravely) “Sometimes.” (looking down at them, sad) “First time in a while.” (laughing sadly) “Forgot how much it hurts.” [To himself, tearing up, self conscious, covering his stomach with a t-shirt] “Forget they’re there sometimes. But they’re always there to remind me.” 

In the kitchen

Nina: (concerned, grabbing two beer bottles) “Everything alright here?”  El: [sniffling, clearly been crying] “Yeah, we’re good.”  Nina: [smiling comfortingly] “That’s like, the least convincing lie ever.” [Max and El smile sadly] “I’m here if you need anything.”  El and Max: “Thanks, Nina.”  Nina: [walking back outside, handing Eddie the beer] “Here you go.”  Eddie: “Thanks sweetheart.”  Nina: [blushing at his pet name but looking curiously at his scars, hidden behind the shirt] “Do they usually hurt?”  Eddie: “Sometimes.” [Looking down at them sadly] “They’re ugly.”  Nina: (immediately) “No they’re not.” [revealing a scar on her neck behind her ear] “Scars are cool. Badass even. Battle scars.” 

Eddie smiles at Nina warmly.

Eddie: (chuckling dryly) “You been in many battles?”  Nina: [sadly, looking down, tracing the one on her thigh] “A few.” [Smiling up at Eddie] “But I won them all. So did you. I don’t know what happened and I don’t have to know, but either way you survived. Take that as a victory.”  Eddie: “I’ve never thought of it like that before.” [touching the big purple scars] “Thanks, Nina.”  Nina: [bringing a glass to her lips, flirty] “Teaching you lots of things aren’t I, Munson.” [Eddie grins, happy]

5pm 

Nina: “Eddie, your back is burning.”  Eddie: (shrugging) “Pale people problems.”  Nina: “Want me to put some sunscreen on for you?”  Eddie pants at the thought, his heart racing.  Eddie: (nervously) “Please.” 

Nina walks behind him with the suncream, moving his hair out of the way. 

Nina: “Mind if I tie your hair up?”  Eddie: (stuttering) “Sure- yeah.” 

Dustin and Steve jab at each other’s sides, giddy with amusement, watching Nina and Eddie. Eddie gives them a subtle middle finger, cheeks going red.

Nina combs her fingers through Eddie’s long hair, to which he practically purrs. She pulls his hair up into a bun on the back of his head, securing it with a hair tie. She squeezes some sun cream into her hand and warms it up before spreading it across his shoulders, delicately stroking the muscles of his back and shoulders. Nina finds herself releasing a breath she didn’t know she was holding, Eddie doing the same. The tension is thick and Eddie is trying his best to maintain his composure. 

Nina: (squeaky) “All done.”  Eddie: [red, and not from sunburn] “Thanks. I owe you one.” 

Nancy and Robin snigger at how awkward Eddie and Nina are acting. 

Dustin: (jeering) “Your face is a bit red too Eddie, do you need some sun cream on that?”  Eddie: (under his breath) “Fuck off.” 

7pm

Eddie: [joking] “Are you part mermaid or something?”  Nina: [ears underwater, can’t hear] “Hmm?” [standing upright now] “What did you say, Eddie?”  Eddie: “I said, are you part mermaid or something? You’ve been in the pool all day.”  Nina: [laughing] “More like a swamp creature.” [moving her arms through the water] “You coming in?” 

Eddie looks around. Jonathan and Nancy are quietly sipping beer and talking, their light laughter echoing in the garden. Everyone else is inside the house; sunburned and tired. Eddie’s heart flutters at the idea of spending alone time with Nina. Half naked, too. 

Eddie: (confidently) “Sure.” 

Eddie slides carefully into the deep end of the pool. He looks over at Nina and grins. 

Eddie: (cheeky) “Why so far away?”  Nina: (pouting) “I can’t reach the bottom over there.”  Eddie: (teasing) “Shortarse.”  Nina: “Hey!” Eddie: (winding her up) “Teeny tiny Nina can’t reach the bottom.”  Nina: “Hey!” [splashing him] “Don’t be a bully.”  Eddie: “I’ll get you for that!” 

Eddie wades towards her, picks her up by the waist and throws her into the deep end with a splash. 

Nina: (giggling) “Eddie! I can’t reach the bottom here, come back!”  Eddie: (cheeky, swimming away) “Sucks to be you, shortarse.”  Nina: “Hey! Not fair!” [swimming over to him, trying to keep herself above water] “Eddie! I’m going to drown!”  Eddie: [extending his arms out for Nina] “Come here.” [Nina swims over into his arms] “Better?”  Nina: (softly)  “Thank you.”  Eddie: (sweetly) “Always.” (cheeky) “Your knight in shining cargo shorts.” [Nina rolls her eyes, smiling] 

Nina’s arms wrap around Eddie’s neck. Eddie blushes as Nina’s legs wrap around his waist. She clings to him, almost koala-like. Her lips are painfully close to his neck, it makes him wants to gasp for air.

Grandma, Grandma, Grandma, Eddie thinks, trying to control himself. He imagines pinning her against the side of the pool and kissing her like he’s always dreamed of. 

Eddie feels himself twitch in his underwear and gulps nervously, heat spreading through his chest and neck, stomach twisting with anticipation. With Nina’s legs around his waist, chests pressed together, Eddie finds his mind racing. 

Grandma in her underwear, Mrs O’Donnell in her underwear, Mrs O’Donnell- 

Nina: (hushed) “Is this okay?”  Eddie: [breathing shallow] “Y-yeah, this is okay.” [Eddie begins walking around the pool with Nina in his arms, his hands gently cradling her thighs.] “Is this?”  Nina: “Yes.”  [breathless, feeling the heat radiate from Eddie’s reddening, sweaty neck] “Humid out, isn’t it?”  Eddie: “Yes it’s very-” [looking into Nina’s eyes, who is looking up at him, wide eyed] “Hot.” 

They both pause for a moment, looking deeply into each other’s eyes. Both of their breathing is laboured, the atmosphere thick and electric. Their bodies flushed with heat; from the sun and their closeness. Nina plays with the hair at the nape of Eddie’s neck, Eddie’s ponytail wet from the pool. 

Nina: [brushing Eddie’s fringe from his eyes] “You suit your hair up.” [tucking his hair behind his ear] “You can see your eyes better.” [doe eyed, loving, softly mumbling] “You have beautiful eyes.” [Eddie looks at her with wide eyes, lips parted, blinking slowly. Nina comes back to reality from her daydreaming, eyelashes fluttering, heart racing, looking lustfully at his lips] “Eddie, I-”  Steve: [interrupting, shouting] “Hey, lovebirds! No canoodling in the pool!” 

Eddie drops Nina with a splash into the pool. She emerges from the water, blinking with shock, coughing up water. Eddie looks at her with wide eyes, mortified. 

Robin: (snorting) “Nice one, dumbass.” 

8pm:

Jonathan and Eddie have walked to the end of the garden to light up. Everyone else is in the living room, listening to music. Drinks are flowing amongst the adults, and unbeknownst to Steve, the young ones are taking secret sips of beers and fruity punch. 

Jonathan: “So are you going to ask Nina out or what?” Eddie (unsure) “I don’t know… I think she’s into Steve.” [Eddie looks over at Nina and Steve as he’s playfully trying to swat her ass with the BBQ spatula, jealous]  Jonathan: [not wanting to be obvious, failing, stoned] “Oh it’s not Steve she’s interested in.”  Eddie: [oblivious, watching Nina laughing with Steve] “Hmm.”  Jonathan: “Seriously, ask her out.”  Eddie: “I’m working up to it, I’m just-” [he sighs] “I don’t know, I think she just sees me as a friend.”  Jonathan: [smirking] “I saw you two in the pool together,” [Eddie looks embarrassed] “She totally likes you back, dude.”  Eddie: [mumbled] “She was drowning, I was helping her swim.” [looking at Nina and Steve with jealousy] “She would have done that with anybody.”   Jonathan: [shaking his head] “You’re delusional. You two have been inseparable all day, go for it!”  Eddie: [embarrassed] “Maybe.” 

Dustin appears in the garden, Eddie and Jonathan hide their joints.

Dustin: (sassy)  “Dude, I know what weed is, you don’t have to hide it.”  Eddie: “Nope, I’m not responsible enough right now for this.” [putting out his blunt]  Dustin: [ignoring his comment] “The gang have elected me to ask when are you going to ask Nina out?”  Jonathan: [in agreement] “Thank you!”  Eddie: [embarrassed] “Fuck off.”  Dustin: “If you don’t make a move soon, you’ll regret it.”  Eddie: (oblivious) “I will?”  Dustin: (joking) “Yeah, if you don’t, I will!” 

Jonathan shakes his head at Eddie’s lack of confidence. They ditch their smokes and walk back into the living room. 

Nina is sitting on the chair, Max between her knees, braiding her hair. El is watching enviously. 

El: “I wish you could braid my hair.”  Nina: “You rock a buzz cut. I used to have one too.”  El: “No way!!”  Nina: “Yeah, when I was about your age too, maybe a little younger. Your hair is cool.” [Rubbing El’s fuzzy hair] “Don’t put yourself down El.” [El smiles, teary eyed, looking at her like a big sister.] “It’s badass.” 

Steve: (amused) “You used to have a buzz cut?”  Nina: “Not voluntarily.”  [laughing, shaking her head at the inquisitive looks from the gang] “Don’t ask.” [she pats Max on the head once she’s finished the braid] “Done.” 

Eddie sits next to Nina on the touch, too stoned to be embarrassed by everyone’s snigger as he pulls Nina’s legs over his lap. Nina looks at him surprised as he strokes her legs. 

Jonathan: “You can’t tell us you had a buzz cut and not show us a photo.”  Nina: (smiling, laughing) “And why would I subject myself through your ridicule?”  Steve: “Peer pressure.”  Robin: (teasingly, drunk) “I would also like to see this.”  Nina: “You’ve seen it, Rob! You were there!”

Nina raises an eyebrow at Robin and Robin catches on, giving an awkward smile and mouthing ‘sorry.’ 

Nancy: “I think it’s important we see the photo, Nina. For journalistic reasons.” 

Nina pings a hair bobble at her. 

Nina: (fake annoyance) “Fineeeee.”

Nina moves to get up, Eddie unmoving. 

Nina: (to Eddie, quietly) “May I have my legs please?”  Eddie: [stoned, dumb grin on his face] “No.” 

Nina gives him puppy dog eyes and whispers “please” to which Eddie melts, releasing Nina with a child-like pout.

Nina disappears for a few moments, reappearing with her bag. She pulls out a photo of herself with shaved hair from a doodled-on notebook.. 

The photo is passed around the group, some people having a giggle, some people saying that she looked cool, Robin winced apologetically. 

When it’s Eddie’s turn, he takes his time looking at the photo. Nina is in a white room, in what Eddie can clearly make out as a hospital bed. The photo is taken at an angle to hide the stitches behind her ear and down her neck, but Eddie isn’t oblivious to it like everyone else is. Robin is sitting on the hospital bed beside Nina, pointing at her bald head, grinning. Nina is smiling in the photo, despite the stitches and dark bags under her eyes. 

El: (excited) “You look like me!” 

Nina smiles at her, patting her head fondly: Eddie smiles at them both. 

Nancy: (to Robin) “I didn’t know you had braces!” [the conversation turns off Nina to Robin. Nina uses that as her means to escape, to Eddie’s complaint, to the kitchen to make a new drink. Dustin follows her.] Dustin: “So you like Eddie, huh?”  Nina: [pouring a drink, trying to act casual, failing] “That obvious, huh?”  Dustin: “Clearly. You guys have been together all day.” [Nina blushes] “He’s too shy to ask you out.”  Nina: (shocked) “Really? He mentioned doing something sometime but he hasn’t mentioned it since.”  Dustin: “Yeah, when it comes to girls he’s surprisingly shy.” [Nina smiles] “He’s playing at the Hideout on Tuesday. You should go.”  Nina: (cheeky) “Are you inviting me or is Eddie?”  Dustin: (matter of fact) “Both.”  Nina: [chewing the skin on her thumb] “I’m not sure Dustin.”  Dustin: “Trust me, he wants you there.”  Nina: [taking a deep breath] “Okay, I’ll go.” 

Dustin smiles, patting her on the back. 

Dustin: “I’ll pass on the details to Robin.” 

They return to the living room, Nina sitting back by Eddie. Nina sits for a moment, smiling to herself. 

Eddie lies rubbing Nina’s legs, enjoying their softness in his high state. Nina smiles happily. 

Eddie: (to Nina, quietly) “You okay?”  Nina: [looking around the group, smiling] “I’m good, happy.” (to Eddie) “Are you?” 

Eddie nods, smiling sleepily. 

Nina thought to herself: this is my new family. This is what family feels like. 

00:04 AM

The rest of the evening continues with laughter and fun. People fall away in their tiredness, until only Eddie, Dustin and Robin are left talking quietly into the early hours of the morning. 

Eddie can barely contain his excitement. Nina has fallen asleep against him, her head resting heavily on his shoulder. He ignores the teasing looks from Robin and Dustin as he looks down at her sleeping peacefully on him. He pulls a blanket over the both of them, making sure Nina is warm. 

Robin: “You really like her, don’t you?”  Eddie: “Is it that obvious?”  Robin: (smiling) “Yes.”  Eddie: (embarrassed) “Oh.”  Robin: (mumbled) “Don’t worry, she likes you too.”  Eddie: [not hearing what she says from her mumbling] “What?”  Robin: (half asleep) “I’ll tell you in the morning.”  Dustin: “I asked her out for you, by the way.”  Eddie: (quietly shouting) “What?!”  Dustin: “Shh! She’s coming to the Hideout on Tuesday. You’re welcome.”  Eddie: “Dustin! What did you say?!”  Dustin: [arms up, defensive] “She’s coming to your show on Tuesday. Thank me later.”  Eddie: [half annoyed, half happy] “I’ll kill you.”  Dustin: “You were taking too long, you were gonna end up in the friend zone.”  Eddie: [embarrassed, looking down at her fondly] “I was working up to it. Laying the foundation, all that shit.”  Dustin: [snuggling into the couch] “And now she’s coming to your show, you’re welcome.” (Sleepily) “Jeez, so ungrateful. And you don’t hate me, you love me.”  Eddie: [quietly, to himself, looking at Nina who is fast asleep] “Right now, I kinda do.” 

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Next chapter: Chapter Six- Everywhere (Part Two)