#None alone time because apartment not that big which for someone who needs 12-16 hours of waking alone time per day is. a lot.

[isbergillustration]

All art sales other than on demand prints closed for the foreseeable future. Possibly until January. Depends on how much moving home to parent for five weeks fucks me up.

[chilly-me-softly]

Every Little Thing’s Gonna Be Alright • Chapter 20

Chapter 1 - Chapter 2 - Chapter 3 - Chapter 4 - Chapter 5 - Chapter 6 - Chapter 7 - Chapter 8 - Chapter 9 - Chapter 10 - Chapter 11 - Chapter 12 - Chapter 13 - Chapter 14 - Chapter 15 - Chapter 16 - Chapter 17 - Chapter 18 - Chapter 19

Evelyn waits with folded arms for Lucas to arrive, her right foot not stopping tapping against the floor. As soon as her mother had made her aware of what had happened, annoyance had sprung up inside her, growing stronger and stronger. She couldn't believe it. Yet he'd seemed to agree when they'd talked about it days before, had agreed with her that being alone with her mother still didn't seem like a good idea. That more time was needed, testing the waters. She had left relaxed about that at least, but it turned out she had put her trust in the wrong person. Once again.

She jumps from her seat as soon as the doorbell rings, opening the door and finding herself in front of him, his lips widening into a smile as soon as he sees her. Evelyn remembers to breathe as her mother had suggested only moments before, before letting him in. And she takes one last look at Ben quickly passing by before closing the door to the room behind her.

Convincing everyone to stay out of it had been hard especially since they were all still there in the house, but Lucas was her problem and it was up to her to deal with it. No matter what would happen in there or the screams they would hear, until she came out or specifically asked for their help none of them would be welcome inside those four walls.

"How was your trip?" he asked her as he sat on the edge of her bed, his gaze moving around the room before focusing on her.

"I'm sure you know I didn't ask you here to talk about that" she replies harshly at which he shifts his gaze to the cot a little further away from them.

"Listen Evelyn-"

"What's wrong with you? I just asked you for one thing"

"Yeah we always have to do everything you say. Like I'm some kind of puppet you can move around at your pleasure" the boy stood up abruptly approaching the window and putting a few more inches between them while Evelyn froze for a moment, leaning against the desk, quickly recovering though.

"Excuse me? You don't seem to have put up much of a fight"

"It's because... just how much longer are we supposed to go on like this?  With me constantly under examination and you..." the boy runs a hand through his hair in frustration.

"With me what? Thinking about my daughter's sake?"

"No you only think about yourself, that's the point! If you really thought about our daughter's sake... you would've done differently"

"Are you for real?" Evelyn scoffs even more incredulously, "You washed your hands of it as soon as I told you I was pregnant. I spent months alone thinking about how things would go, then you come back tell me a few sweet words and hope everything goes back to the way it was?"

"When are you going to let this go? I can't do this"

"Well then do something to make me change my mind!"

"You won't let me!" Lucas emits a guttural sound before crossing the space between them and standing in front of her, their chests rising and falling rhythmically and her stepping back but finding herself even more trapped against the desk.

"Let's start again. Let's put it all behind us" he murmurs, laying a hand on her cheek, shifting his gaze between her eyes and her lips as she shakes her head slightly, swallowing hard.

"I can't"

"Please Eve, please" his face gets closer and closer, he believes she's finally given in when he sees her close her eyes, their lips only millimetres apart. But in no time Evelyn sighs pushing him away.

"You can't do this. It's not fair" Lucas allows himself to be moved by Evelyn's hands pressing his chest lightly, allowing her to put a considerable amount of space between them again.

"Ever since you came back I've never given you false hope. I tried to be open but I was clear, you could come back into her life but not mine"

"Isn't that the same thing?"

"No, no it isn't. We are two completely different people, you are two completely different people to us. And I can't live a life for my daughter, I have to be happy for her to be happy with me"

Lucas sighs going to sit back down on the bed taking his head in his hands. He looks genuinely torn and Evelyn looks at him unsure of what she should do. She doesn't want to keep feeding whatever is going through his mind, but in the end she chooses to approach him anyway by crouching down in front of him.

"Lucas... what's going on?" she places her hands on his knees moving a thumb over the fabric of his trousers, "you can tell me"

There's no need for a lot of words though. She just needs to see his face when he finally pulls his hands away, his red eyes and trembling hands. Evelyn's eyes also fill with tears as she nods knowingly, biting her lip to keep from giving in just then.

"You're free Lucas. But this time... it will be forever. You won't get another chance" her hoarse, trembling voice, full of emotion, comes out in a whisper as she looks up at him, "I can't do this to her again"

Evelyn closes her eyes, not wanting to see what happens next. Her words clashing with what she expects will actually happen.

"I'm sorry" he croaks leaving her a light kiss on one cheek before running out of that room, leaving her on that floor in disbelief and confused and broken again.

-

A week later that day, she had found a letter in the mailbox. She'd ripped it in two as soon as she'd seen who it was from, but from inside that envelope a necklace had fallen out. Lucas wasn't used to wearing jewellery of any kind but she'd recognised that necklace, it was one of his favourites. If not his only one.

So she'd put that piece of paper back together where she finally had some explanation. He wrote that he hadn't meant to make fun of her, that he admired her because in spite of everything she fit into that world and made it seem simpler than it really was, while he simply couldn't see himself as a father. Not yet and maybe never after that. In general it had served to put that chapter aside forever or at least until her little girl would have been old enough to understand it all. She had therefore hidden it with the other stuff without telling anyone, thinking it was better that way.

Evelyn hadn't given too many explanations about the moment after everyone had seen Lucas run off visibly upset. It was as if from the moment he'd closed that door behind her, something inside her had snapped too. She didn't care, or maybe she felt so many things to just erased them all and made her feel one big emptiness inside. And everyone in the house seemed to be waiting for her to burst out at any moment.

But she had rolled her sleeves up and got on with her life. She had no power in the decisions and lives of others, everyone does what they feel and it's only necessary to find a way so that whatever happens does not affect us so much. As absurd as it sounded given her history, she would stop dwelling on things too much. If we give too much importance to something or someone it will sooner or later end up hurting us, on the contrary if we don't expect anything, it might surprise us.

It was a first step, it needed a lot of work but she had to think about the present. She was going to choose her battles from that moment on, spending energy only on those who really deserved it. Her daughter, her family and Jack for example.

Time had passed slowly but also so quickly, taking away the last days of the year and starting a new one. Now, more than ever, it was time to make new resolutions, make room for new things and try to do better, always.

That time in their household had always been very chaotic, trying to fit everything in with Ben's busy schedule was always a challenge. But that was what she liked the most, it wasn't a specific day that was special but the whole period. The atmosphere created when everyone got together. It didn't matter if it was two days before Christmas or if it had already been, if they had spoken the day before or if they hadn't heard from each other in months. That day had the power to relax her in a way nothing ever could in her life, and between the confusion and the chatter, time passed without her noticing.

But if so far she had only had to deal with one busy agenda, now there were two of them. Jack had the same or even more workload than Ben and on top of that there was the distance factor.

They had seen little of each other, spending together a day here half a day there at the earliest possible opportunity, time that always seemed to pass quickly when they were together. Seeing each other like this, always in a rush, was in a way worse than not seeing each other at all. Having a taste and nothing more only left a bitter taste at the end of the day.

So one evening out of nowhere she made a decision. She had been lying in bed reading a book, Cece already sleeping soundly, when her mind had started to wonder. She and Jack had agreed that they didn't want to spend another rushed day together just because they had to, he'd have an away game anyway and she'd want to spend her daughter's first Christmas with her family now more than ever.

And she had smiled as she closed the book, occupying the next few hours filling a suitcase with things that she, and the little one especially, might need for a short trip but still with no clear return date for the time being.

She got this feeling in her chest, a mixture of happiness and excitement that would make her jump and clap her hands and laugh uncontrollably for no apparent reason. She hadn't felt this way for so long, she had to admit, and it felt good.

She forces herself to get some rest and in the early hours, after feeding Cece, she heads over to Ben's. The boy sleeps on his side and immediately lets out a sigh as she shakes him lightly.

"Ben" she strokes his hair, crouching down in front of him as he opens his eyes slightly, "I'm going to Jack's. I'll get the car okay?" he mumbles something sketching a smile and closing his eyes as she smiles leaving him a kiss on his cheek before packing up the last of her things and leaving. She leaves him a note on the table for some extra reassurance, just in case, before getting into the car taking one last look at her little girl in the rear view mirror and finally driving off.

----

Hi everyone, I hope you like the chapter. I just wanted to tell you that I've decided about the bonus chapters I was telling you about last week to write them down and publish them at the end all together so as not to create too much confusion x

Tag: @alexajanecollins @emwritesfootball @rosie7703

Chapter 21

[fancat-not-fangirl]

It’s Not You Pt.16

a/n: hi everyone! I’m so so so sorry that this took so long. I was super busy and barely had any time to write, but I made this chapter extra long to make up for that. (I was actually going to make it even longer than it is now, but I decided that it would just be too much.) Thank you to those who read and review, I love y’all more than I can say <3. So sorry again for the long wait. Enjoy :D

**********

Cas’s dreams were plagued by his argument with Dean. By the moment his record hit the ground and broke into pieces. By the name ‘Mary Winchester’ and the file. By the words that were written on the pieces of paper that all pointed at Claire Novak as the only culprit that could have committed the crime.

The crime being the death of Dean’s mother, as well as the destruction of a happy childhood for Sam and Dean.

At first Cas hadn’t believed it. Not even a bit. But by the tenth or eleventh time he had called his mother and received no answer, by the twentieth or thirtieth time he had read the file, he had become less and less willing to believe that it had all been a mistake.

The file said it all. How Claire had mixed up the meds. How Claire had gotten fired. How Claire had killed Mary.

And so the night before Christmas, Cas went to sleep without any hope left for himself that everything would be alright.

The morning didn’t help.

Not that Cas woke up in the morning. No, he slept through the early hours of the day, only opening his eyes somewhere around 12:30. Even then, he stayed in bed and stared at anywhere that wouldn’t remind him of Dean. But that was easier said than done.

The walls that were covered in pictures of Cas and his family in various different countries had been joined with ones of him and Dean. Ice skating. Making snowmen. Cuddling on the couch. Cas tried not to let his gaze be drawn to those.

Cas’s dresser also offered unwanted memories. More specifically, the Lord of the Rings LEGO sets on it. Unbidden, Cas remembered the sparkle in Dean’s eyes as he had looked at the sets. He remembered their conversation in the car, where Dean had sadly admitted to Cas that he had never had his own LEGO set, but how he’d always wanted one that was big and expensive and intricate. Cas remembered the feeling of wanting to do anything and everything in the world to help Dean.

Cas remembered too much. The laughter, the smiles, the conversations. Everywhere he looked, there they were. Painful and sharp and Cas wanted them to stop.

He closed his eyes.

Sleep didn’t come, but Cas didn’t want to get out of bed. He didn’t want to start his day, or walk through the silent house, or spend the day trying to pretend that everything was alright. Which it wasn’t. Not at all.

But soon the hunger in Cas’s stomach drove him out. He had tried to keep it down, but the pains were too much for him. Cas didn’t bother changing or looking in the mirror. He already knew that he’d have red rimmed eyes and that bags would have formed under them. He didn’t need a mirror to tell him that.

Stumbling downstairs and into the kitchen, Cas put two pieces of bread into the toaster and drew out a jar of peanut butter and one of jelly from the fridge. He sat down at the empty table and waited. The wall against the memories Cas was building in his mind went crashing down as he stared at the table. At the spot that Dean usually sat. Could it have been that a mere day ago, he and Dean had shared dinner here, laughing and joking around? And had Cas only imagined that Dean had woken up early in the morning to make Cas breakfast, and had burned the blueberry muffins so bad that it took them hours to clear out the burnt smell and clean the kitchen from the multiple layers of flour that had coated it? 

The toast jumped out of the toaster, jerking Cas out of his thoughts. Heaving himself out of his chair, Cas strode over and took the pieces of bread out, all the while shoving the memories back down and starting to work on that wall again. This time he wouldn’t let it break.

Cas finished breakfast in record time. This time, there was nobody to chat with. To joke with. To laugh with. He was alone. 

He did the dishes alone, too. No music this time. Music was only for when he had someone to dance with. To sway and bump his hips with. Someone like De-

No.

Cas made sure the wall in his head grew stronger.

He stood in the empty kitchen for a moment. The memories were pushing against him but he held fast. Cas needed a distraction.

Striding into the living room, Cas dropped onto the couch and firmly decided that he would watch a movie. He didn’t let his mind wander to a time where Dean had sat on this very spot and critiqued Cas as the freshman had hung ornaments on the tree. He didn’t think about how then they had switched spots and Cas had fallen asleep watching Dean’s lulling movements. And Cas definitely didn’t let himself think about how afterwards, they had napped on the couch together, wrapped in each other’s arms.

No.

Definitely not.

The wall stayed firmly in place and Cas added reinforcements to it. He couldn’t let it break.

Hands shaking, Cas gripped the remote and turned on Netflix. He needed a movie. Any movie, really.

But today was just not Cas’s day. The first movie on his List was The Mask of Zorro. The one after that was the Princess Bride. Cas felt the wall in his head cracking and he quickly shut off the tv. He didn’t need those memories. Memories of him and Dean snuggled in blankets in Cas’s dorm. Memories of them falling asleep together afterwards. And especially not the memory of the first time Cas had thought to himself that he wanted to be with Dean for the rest of his life.

Cas rose from the couch and almost sprinted out of the room. The ornaments on the tree were smiling at him with their bright light but Cas felt no urge to smile back.

It was then that he passed the door to the basement, which was still open. Cas realized that the files had to be cleaned up by the time his mother got home the next day. The day after Christmas.

What a lousy Christmas Cas was having.

He steeled himself and trudged down the stairs, wincing at the creaking noises. They split the silence in the air like knives. Not unlike the way the record sounded as it-

No.

The wall grew higher in his mind.

Cas reached the bottom of the stairs and groaned inwardly at the sight of the countless files strewn all over the floor. This would certainly take up most of his day. In fact, he hoped it would take up most of his day. It would give Cas a chance to avoid the thoughts howling and screaming at him. 

Sinking to his knees, Cas started with the grueling work. Picking up a file, checking the name, and putting it into its corresponding location. Picking up a file, checking the name, putting it into its place. Pick up, check, put away. Pick, check, put. Over and over and over.

It really, really wasn’t Cas’s day. No surprise there. Because Cas was finished within the hour. 

He contemplated sitting on the beat up couch against the wall but immediately discarded the idea at the sight of the photo albums still lying open on it.

Sighing, Cas decided that he’d go back to bed. There was no use doing anything else. 

He started up the stairs when something caught his eye. Something red and bright that was covered for the most part in boxes shoved under the stairs. Cas’s heart twisted as he turned around and crept over to it, moving the boxes aside. Staring back at him were the presents he had bought and wrapped for Dean. The ones he spent hours picking out so that Dean could have the perfect Christmas.

Only that Christmas was now ruined.

The sad twinge in Cas’s gut turned to anger. This was Dean’s fault. If he hadn’t knocked over the files, none of this would have happened. If he had just waited until Claire got home and explained that it had been a mistake, everything would have been fine. A voice whispered to Cas from the darkest parts of his mind that there hadn’t been a mistake. That Claire had killed Mary. And then Cas’s anger turned on his mother. Why hadn’t she said anything about this before? She had known Dean’s last name. Hell, she had lived with a son who had it printed on his wrist. And yet she had said nothing.

Cas should throw them away. The presents. It’s not as if Dean was coming back. And it’s not as if he dared keep them for himself. They would only widen the cracks in his wall further. 

That was the last thing Cas needed.

Letting out a soft noise that was almost like a growl, Cas reached for the wrapped packages, ready to rip them apart and get them as far away from him as possible. But then he froze.

He was hearing things. He had to be. But he could have sworn he heard-

There it was again.

Knocking.

But who-

Cas hastily turned away from the boxes and flew up the stairs. His heart was singing Dean, Dean, Dean, Dean, but the rest of him was snarling the name. How dare he come back? After everything that he had said to Cas? After everything he had done to him? Cas couldn’t forgive that.

He wrenched the front door open just as the meticulously built and enforced wall in his head started to crumble.

All of the thoughts that were circling above Cas like vultures promptly vanished, leaving him staring dumbly at the person standing in front of him.

Dean looked more nervous than Cas had ever seen. More nervous than the day that it was Claire opening the door to him instead of Cas. More nervous than the first time Dean and Cas had met. More nervous than when Dean made his first steps on the ice rink.

Cas took in Dean’s appearance, from the unkempt hair, to the slightly red rimmed eyes, to the bit lip, to the sweater that Claire had knit for him, to the bags at Dean’s sides. Cas’s tongue was caught in his mouth and he stood there, frozen.

“Hey.”

Cas barely heard Dean, but it was enough to shake him out of his trance. “What are you doing here?” Cas’s voice was harsher than he had meant it to be and he saw Dean flinch at the words that flew out of his mouth. Thoughts of an apology swirled around in Cas’s head, but he resisted their pull. He was not apologizing to Dean. Not after what Dean did.

He saw Dean shift from one foot to the other and the fingers tightened around the straps of the bags. Dean cleared his throat. “I wanted to talk. To you. If that’s ok?”

“No. It’s not ok. You can leave now,” Cas hissed and stepped back, closing the door in Dean’s face. 

Before it could slam shut, though, he felt Dean’s hand pushing against it as Dean tried to keep it open. Dean’s voice turned desperate. “Cas, wait! Please! This is important! It’s about your m-”

Cas ripped the door open, making Dean stumble a bit, and cut him off. “You wanted to talk about my mom? Didn’t we already do that yesterday? Oh, wait, it wasn’t really talking. More like screaming while you accused her of murder,” Cas growled out. He saw Dean shrink in on himself. “And I’m so sorry if I don’t want to repeat that again.”

 He moved to try to close the door again but was stopped by Dean for a second time. The look in Dean’s eyes broke Cas’s heart. “Please, Cas. If you don’t like what I have to say you can kick me out. I’ll leave right away. I promise. Just please, please let me talk to you.”

They stared at each other, the silence stretching between them like infinity. Finally, Cas huffed a breath and turned on his heel, marching away from the door (away from Dean) and towards the kitchen, leaving Dean to enter and close the door behind him. Dean came into the room without the bags, which he must have left in the hallway. That was just as well; Cas didn’t want to know what was in them. He didn’t care. Or so he tried to convince himself.

“Sit.”

Dean hesitated for a moment before dropping down into his usual seat at the table. Cas noticed that Dean was fiddling with the sleeves of his sweater. Cas tried to refrain from doing the same.

“Well?” Cas spoke after a while of tense silence. “You wanted to talk. So talk.”

Dean took a deep breath and ran his fingers through his hair. Hair that wasn’t quite blonde, but not brown. Cas had always thought that it looked like a mixture of honey and almonds. And when the sun hit it, the colors turned to-

No.

Cas stopped himself. He wasn’t here to admire Dean’s hair. He was here to listen to what Dean had to say and then kick him out. Simple as that.

“I drove to my dad’s yesterday,” Dean started. Cas felt his eyes widen. Dean’s father lived hours away. He must have gotten there at around one in the morning. But why would Dean go there? He and his father barely ever spoke, and from what Cas had learned about John Winchester in the past months, it was that family reunions were never his thing. “I don’t honestly know why I went. I only realized I was headed there when I was nearing his place.”

Oh.

“I asked him if he knew Claire,” Cas sucked in a sharp breath but Dean continued. “And if she was connected to my mom’s death. He said yes. To both questions.”

Cas’s heart sank lower and lower under he felt it shatter into pieces. So it was true. His mother had killed Mary. He had the evidence. The files. And now the confirmation from Dean’s father. Everything Dean had said had been true. Claire was a murderer. 

Dean must have seen the relinquished look on Cas’s face because he quickly reached across the table and grabbed Cas’s hand to reassure him, but Cas pulled his hand out of Dean’s grip. A brief look of hurt crossed Dean’s face before he withdrew his hand and started fiddling with his sleeve once more.

“Is that it?” Cas growled. “You wanted to come here to tell me that you were right? To gloat?”

Dean’s eyes went wide. “No! No, that’s not it. That’s not even close to-”

“Because if that’s what this is about, then you can leave right now.”

“I’m not done, Cas, I promise. Just hear me out, okay?”

Cas hesitated but nodded tersely.

“My dad told me that my mom never got better after the fire. She only got worse.”

What?

“It came to the point that she was only being kept alive by machines. She couldn’t go anywhere, do anything. She was stuck in the hospital. And so were we,” Dean lowered his eyes. “She kept telling my dad that we should leave. Leave her in the hospital and go live our lives. She said that she was holding us back. But my dad wouldn’t listen,” Dean’s voice hitched and the next words came out in a whisper. “So she asked him to kill her.”

Cas’s breath caught in his throat. No. No, this didn’t make any sense. Why would Mary have wanted to die?

“My dad said no at first. But then she became more persistent. She kept asking and asking and asking. She was tired of seeing the same white walls and eating the same food. She thought she was being a burden on us. She said that what she was living wasn’t a life at all. So my dad agreed. Only, he couldn’t get her the drugs. But they knew someone who could.”

Cas’s world was collapsing and all he could do was sit grounded in his chair and listen to the words spilling out of Dean’s mouth.

“Our moms were close. Really close. My dad said that they were more like sisters than friends. So they asked your mom for the drugs. She had refused at first. Obviously. I mean,” Dean’s eyes rose to meet Cas’s. “Who could live with themselves after they had hurt someone they loved.”

The words echoed inside Cas’s head.

“After a while, though, your mom agreed. And so she snuck my dad in one night and they said their goodbyes and gave my mom the drug. Claire took all the blame and was fired because of it. My dad never told us the whole truth because he thought that we were too young to understand why they killed Mom. But I guess the cat’s out of the bag now, right?” Dean smiled, but it looked more like a grimace. He lowered his voice. “Just don’t tell Sammy.”

Dean had obviously expected Cas to nod at that and tell him that no, he wouldn’t tell Sam, but all he got was a blank look. Cas was still processing the information. It was too much. Mary had wanted to die? But was Claire still justified in killing her? Had it been the right thing to do? Why didn't Claire tell Cas? He was old enough to understand. Had she been planning on keeping it a secret forever?

“Cas?” Dean’s voice brought Cas back to reality. “You doing alright?”

Cas snapped. “NO, Dean, I am most certainly NOT doing alright! I’ve just learned that my mother KILLED SOMEONE, and not just any someone, but the mother of the person that I love more than anyone else, and now I have to live with this information inside my head for the rest of my life and I don’t even know what I’m going to tell my mom about it, or even IF I’m going to tell my mom that I know. I mean picture me, the day after Christmas, telling my mom that I know that she killed your mom. How will she react? And Gabe! Oh Jesus Christ, what am I going to tell him? Will I tell him? He deserves to know, right? But what if it ruins him and Sam?” Cas couldn’t help but add, “What if it ruins them like it ruined us?”

“You think it ruined us?” Dean’s voice asked from beside him quietly, and Cas jumped as he realized that during his outburst, Dean had moved around the table and was not mere feet away from Cas, unsure on what to do to comfort him.

“I mean, you hate me,” Cas whispered. “My mom killed yours. You can barely look at me. And after what I said, I don’t know how you can even stand to be in the same room as me.”

Dean looked a little taken aback at that. As if he hadn’t been expecting it. As if that’s not what he thought at all. But Cas knew better. Or did he?

“I don’t hate you.”

Cas froze.

“I could never hate you,” Dean was shaking his head. “I said all those horrible things to you yesterday, but I didn’t mean them. I didn’t mean a single thing. You’re probably the best thing that has ever happened to me, Cas. You’re funny, and kind, and amazing, and your hair is so soft, and your smile makes me happy, and when you laugh you scrunch up your nose and you just look so, so cute and I could never, ever hate you.” Dean paused to take a breath. “I love you, angel.”

Cas stared at him, not daring to move a muscle. Not daring to believe.

Dean took the silence as rejection and his face fell as he stepped backwards. Away from the table. Away from Cas. 

“I should go,” he whispered.

And then Cas was launching himself out of his chair and at Dean, wrapping his arms around his boyfriend. His soulmate. The love of his life. Cas gripped him tight and didn’t let go.

Dean let out a small noise of surprise at the sudden contact but didn’t hesitate before bringing his arms around Cas and burying his head in Cas’s shoulder. One of his hands went around Cas’s waist and the other to the back of Cas’s head as Dean dug his hands into the silky strands of Cas’s hair. Any other time Cas would have complained that Dean was pulling too hard on his hair, but he couldn’t have cared less at the moment. What mattered was that Dean was here and he forgave him and he loved him. Just like Cas loved Dean.

“I’m sorry, Cas. I’m so sorry.” 

Dean was mumbling apologies into Cas’s shoulder but Cas shushed him and tightened his arms around him. Dean didn’t stop, though, and kept up the mantra of “I’m sorry”s muffled by the long sleeved shirt Cas had on.

Pulling back, Cas cupped Dean’s face in his hands. “I love you too, you idiot. Now shut up.” And with that, Cas crushed their mouths together.

You might have thought that they had gone years without seeing each other instead of hours. They kissed as if their lives depended on it, as if the world was ending and they had mere seconds to live. They kissed like they were drowning men, clawing for life.

When they finally pulled apart, both were panting. Dean’s face was split into a smile so wide Cas thought his face would crack in two. And if that smile was a feeling, then it was filling Cas up from his head to his toes. 

Dean opened his mouth again, no doubt to make another apology, but Cas cut him off before he could say anything.

“Don’t you dare say that you’re sorry again. I forgive you, Dean.”

And Cas was surprised to say that he was telling the truth. Yes, Dean had said some horrible things the previous night, and yes he had broken Cas’s signed vinyl record. But Cas had said some horrible things, too. And, after all, the record was an object, and although it wouldn’t be easy, it still could be replaced. Dean, on the other hand, was a living, breathing person that could never, ever be replaced. Not for Cas.

His thoughts were interrupted when his stomach growled, and Cas realized that he hadn’t eaten anything since the peanut butter and jelly sandwich he’d had hours ago. He was actually famished.

“Sounds like somebody is hungry,” Dean said softly and brushed past Cas and into the hallway, where he came back from seconds later with the bags he was holding earlier. Cas craned his neck and made out the logo of one of their favorite burger places. 

Plopping the bags down on the kitchen table, Dean started rifling through them. He took out two wrapped packages, placing one in front of his seat at the table and the other in front of Cas. He then reached in and brought out a box of fries, and then two iced teas. Smiling, Dean then dropped into his own chair and started unwrapping his burger. Cas did the same.

“Oh, Dean…” 

Dean had remembered. Even after their fight and after they hadn’t had burgers in weeks, Dean had still remembered. He’d remembered the incredibly specific way that Cas liked his burgers; double bacon with cheese and no pickles.

“What?” Cas looked up to see that Dean had already taken a larger-than-was-probably-healthy bite of his hamburger and had just tried to talk through it. The light from the window was hitting his hair and Cas couldn’t help but think that Dean had never looked better.

He shook his head softly. “Nothing.” Taking the burger in his hands and biting into it, Cas savored the flavors that exploded in his mouth. This Christmas dinner was better than he would have hoped for, even if he did only have breakfast hours ago. Or would that have already been lunch since he had eaten so late? Whatever. It didn’t matter to Cas. Because Dean was here, with him, and Cas couldn’t have been happier.

Both boys jumped when the muffled sounds of one of Bruno Mars’s songs split the air, and Cas immediately recognized it as his ringtone. Wiping his hands on a napkin, he made a quick apologetic glance at Dean before sprinting up the stairs to his room. Turning his phone over, Cas’s breath caught in his throat at the sight of the caller.

It was Claire.

Hitting the accept button, Cas brought the phone to his ear, stomach in knots.

“Hey, Cas! I saw all those missed calls that you made. I’m so sorry that I couldn’t talk before, but I’m also really busy now. Is everything ok? If it’s really important I can make time.”

His mother’s voice brought a wave of memories crashing down onto Cas, but he held them back while his mind raced. What should he say? Should he confront her about what she did now, or would it be better to do that in person? But if not that, then what excuse could he make up?

“Hi, mom! Umm, yeah, I did call you a lot but it’s okay that you didn’t pick up. I can ask you about it when you get home tomorrow.”

“Great! I hope you boys are doing fine back there without me.”

Cas resisted the urge to snort. Yeah, they were doing absolutely fine. “Don’t worry about us, mom. We got into a… small fight… but we’re ok now.”

“Aww, I’m sorry to hear that, sweetie.” It sounded as if she was about to say something else, but then Cas heard a muffled noise on the other end of the line and Claire quickly apologized, saying that she had to go.

“It’s ok mom. See you tomorrow. Love you.”

“I love you, too. Bye.”

Cas hung up and dropped the phone back onto his bed, running a hand through his hair. He let out a breath and made his way downstairs. Dean was still sitting at the table, already done with his hamburger and he had now moved onto the fries. He looked up as Cas approached and sat down.

“Who was it?” Dean asked, dipping a fry into ketchup before making a show of putting in his mouth and chewing.

Cas couldn’t help but smile at the display. “My mom.”

Dean stopped chewing and his eyes grew serious. “Did you-”

“I didn’t tell her anything. I’d rather do that in person.”

Dean nodded and continued chewing, this time with less vigor. Cas picked up his burger once more, and this time he managed to finish it without any interruptions.

When they were finally done with the food, both boys did the dishes, and Cas couldn’t have been happier when he turned on the music and they stood side by side, swaying and bumping their hips by the sink. 

The opening notes of Bruno Mars’s Just the Way You Are started playing when Dean suddenly jumped and his eyes went wide. Cas didn’t even have time to ask him what was wrong before Dean dried his hands on a towel and sped out of the kitchen, calling a quick, “I’ll be right back! Finish up!” to Cas.

Extremely confused, Cas hurried up with the dishes (thankfully there were only a few more), and was drying his own hands when Dean came rushing back into the house. In one hand he held a wrapped box, and in the other, his guitar. Baby 2.0.

Smiling, Dean held out the wrapped box to Cas. “I almost forgot this.”

Cas was about to take it when he remembered his own presents. Now it was his turn to dash out of the room. He raced down the stairs and into the basement. The boxes surrounding the presents were already out of the way, and Cas recalled with a twinge of regret how he had been about to throw them out before Dean came. And thank god that Dean had come.

Grabbing the two wrapped boxes, Cas sprinted back upstairs. On his way to the kitchen, he passed the living room, where he saw Dean sitting on the couch in front of the Christmas tree. Backtracking, Cas slipped onto the couch alongside Dean and grinned at him, holding out his presents. “And I almost forgot these.”

They exchanged gifts. Cas held his present in his hands. It was nicely covered with wrapping paper that was adorned with flying angels. Oh, Dean. Cas quickly glanced at Dean out of the corner of his eye. Dean, who was ripping the first box apart with a childish smile on his face and eyes that twinkled from the light reflecting off the ornaments.

Cas turned back to his own present and slowly tore apart the paper. 

He only saw the corner of something black when he was engulfed in a hug from the side. Almost dropping his gift, Cas carefully put it on the coffee table in front of him and returned Dean’s hug, burying his face in Dean’s hair.

“Thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you!” Dean sang.

Cas smiled. So Dean liked his presents.

Dean pulled back and grinned at Cas like a madman. In one hand he held the fuzzy socks that Cas had gotten him. They were incredibly soft and comfortable (Cas knew from experience), and Dean had always complained that his feet were cold. The socks had Chevy Impalas on them, something that Cas knew Dean would love. And on Dean’s lap, almost too big to fit there, was a LEGO set. But not just any LEGO set. A Star Wars Death Star set. A twenty-one pound, 4,016 piece, $500 LEGO Death Star.

Dean’s grin made the sun look like it wasn’t shining. He leaned forward and gave Cas a kiss, mumbling a few more “Thank you”s before and after.

“Can we build it together?” Dean asked, not even waiting for an answer before tearing the box open and starting to spill the contents out onto the couch. 

Cas rolled his eyes. Of course they would. But first, he had to find out what his own present was.

He picked the wrapped box back up and hooked his fingers under the paper, pulling it back inch by inch. He almost stopped breathing.

There, in a glass case, was a new vinyl record. A new, shining, Bruno Mars vinyl record. And that wasn’t all. Inside the case, lying on top of the record, were two pieces of paper. Or, more specifically, two front row concert tickets to one of his concerts.

Cas looked up and met Dean’s eyes. They stared at each other for a moment, both beyond glad that they had the other, before Cas leapt forward and their lips collided in a kiss that was so unlike the others. This was one that spoke of forgiveness and love and or never letting go. This one was passionate and harsh and exactly what Cas needed.

Dean was exactly what Cas needed. 

And Cas was never, ever going to let him go again.

**********

(another small a/n: A few things in this fic were factually incorrect. Firstly, the Princess Bride is not on Netflix. But for the purposes of this fic it was. Secondly, a lego death star is not that cheap. In reality, it’s more like $800. So don’t go on Amazon thinking you can buy one for the price I put here. You can’t. Sorry.)

[machinequeen4]

Fic rec bingo list!

I thought I’d fill out this fic rec bingo card, posted by @lightveils on Twitter!

It sort of turned into the History of MachineQueen in Fanfiction. All you unsung heroes who write and publish fanfic, I love you and remember your names.

Recs for Fire Emblem Fates, Fire Emblem Three Houses, Yu-gi-oh, Doctor Who, RWBY, Ace Attorney, Tales of Graces follow!

1. A fic you love without knowing the source material

Undone - codenamecynic, Dragon Age II, E rated, Fenris/Female Hawke, multichap 135k words

https://archiveofourown.org/works/482156/chapters/838851

I know nothing about Dragon Age and can’t remember why I decided to read it. TV Tropes maybe?  From what I can tell it’s the events of the game with additional sex scenes. Hawke is witty, Fenris is a tragic broken bird, I was sold.

2. A fic with a premise that shouldn’t work but it does

Trial and Error - undieshogun, Fire Emblem Fates, T rated, Subaki/Takumi, multichap 15k

https://archiveofourown.org/works/6890677/chapters/15719992

Not so much a premise but a ship I wasn’t convinced on. But it had Subaki in it so I gave it a try. It’s really cute - Subaki tries to teach Takumi social skills, much to his annoyance. 

This line alone is gold star characterisation:

"I couldn't tell you why Tsubaki has taken such a liking to you, but I do know that any time he wants to befriend someone, it's because he sees in them something he lacks."

3. A fic you’ve reread several times

Gratitude - GoldenThreads, Fire Emblem Three Houses, T rated, Hubert/Ferdinand, multichap 8k

https://archiveofourown.org/works/20344273/chapters/48239686

The writing style is so beautifully layered that I find new meaning every time I read it. The scene where Ferdinand offers a hairpin for each story Hubert tells is gorgeous, one of my favourites to reread. 

4. A fic you still remember many years later

A Song I Think I Heard Before - Scribbler, Yu-gi-oh, T rated, Mai/Jounouchi (Joey), multichap 40k

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/5924028/1/A_Song_I_Think_I_Heard_Before

My favourite Mai fic. This gives her a backstory with Dartz based villainy and recontextualises her relationship with Jou (Joey in the dub, most YGO authors used the JP names to distance themselves from 4Kids’ added cheese). I was on tenterhooks waiting for each new chapter. It’s got real emotional depth, capturing Mai’s cynical nature perfectly. Also I still think about/use the phrase bumblefuck in the morning. 

5. A comfort fic

just a little stuck on you (you’ll be on me too) - flowermoons, Fire Emblem Three Houses, T rated, Hubert/Ferdinand, one chap 33k

https://archiveofourown.org/works/21875707

This brings the cast of FE3H to the modern world and drops them into reality TV show The X Factor. There’s no war or death angst, just a singing contest. I grew up with The X Factor on TV on a Saturday night so this was a delight. Like me, the author is cynical about reality TV which makes the fic even more engaging. Ferdinand mourning his long hair after he cuts it and Hubert running round London looking for him really made my day. 

6. A catharthic fic

Long and Lost - Windian, Tales of Graces, M rated, Richard/Asbel, multichap 36k

https://archiveofourown.org/works/5357546/chapters/12372899

Listen game, you can’t spend 40 hours having the protagonist’s motivation as ‘save Richard’ and then pull a no homo on me! In this fic Asbel dutifully marries Cheria only for the whole thing to collapse in on itself when he realises he’s in love with Richard after all. The snow storm scene is something I’ll always remember.

7. A fic you’d like to print and put on your bookshelf

Revival series - MyAibou, Yu-gi-oh,  T rated, multiship, many k

http://fanfiction.net/s/2681684/1/Revival-Prologue-Paradox

This is split into multiple parts and has another multipart followup. A continuation of Yu-gi-oh Duel Monsters with shipping and very decent original characters including villains. My polarshipping heart is in love with this scene on the clifftop in part 2 chapter 11 - a slow dance to the sound of the waves to help Mai remember she isn’t alone *melts into a puddle*

8. A fic you associate with a song

Who I Am Hates Who I’ve Been - darkrunner, Yu-gi-oh, rated K+, Mai/Jou, multichap 9k

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/4445992/1/Who-I-Am-Hates-Who-I-ve-Been

It’s titled after a song. This was one of the first fics I ever found, read and loved. I was way too shy to review but I loved this author dearly. Good old angst & hurt/comfort with a happy ending. A happy ending for Mai was all I wanted haha!

9. A fic that inspires you

Patience, Ponies and Pastries - GoldenThreads, Fire Emblem Three Houses, T rated, Hubert/Ferdinand, multichap, 27k

https://archiveofourown.org/works/20722859/chapters/49231019

A shipping fic where the two characters being shipped spend most of the fic apart! This author is so good at characterising the pair, there are treasures hidden throughout. I never thought reading about horses of all things could make me so emotional... 

And this passage from Ferdinand’s point of view:

As long as Hubert did not truly reject such affection, did not throw him in the stocks for his bleeding heart, then he did not require reciprocation. He required that Hubert be cherished, and that was that.

10. A fic that brought you on board a new ship

Marik and Bakura Go To Censored Town - Little Kuriboh, Yu-gi-oh, M rated, multichap, 24k

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/6954805/1/Marik-Bakura-Go-To-Censored-Town

I spent most of my Yu-gi-oh fandom life wishing there were more fics about Mai and tended to avoid the big slash ships. However, Yu-gi-oh Abridged’s strongest pair were always Marik and Bakura. When I read this fic I realised yes, Marik being an idiot and Bakura being the straight man (not literally) makes this ship sing.

11. A fic you wish could be a movie

Denial & Deception - Bohemienne, Fire Emblem Three Houses, M rated, multichap, 74k (incomplete)

https://archiveofourown.org/works/20895731/chapters/49671050

The setting of Derdriu is so lushly described that it would make a wonderful movie setting. Additional points for the masked ball chapters! 

Hubert and Ferdinand infiltrate the Leicester Alliance using a fake relationship. It goes as well as you might expect. There is comedy, there is romance and the whole thing makes you want to smack Hubert round the face with a fish. 

12. A fic that led to you making friends with the author

Past Future Continuous - HermitsUnited, Doctor Who, T rated, multichap 20k

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/4917490/1/Past-Future-Continuous

We are not in contact anymore but we shared a love of Donna Noble. This shines through in all her alternate season 5 fics! 

13. A fic you’ve gushed about IRL

Festering Under Your Skin - Bohemienne, Fire Emblem Three Houses, M rated, multichap 52k

https://archiveofourown.org/works/20465312/chapters/48559553

My poor gf had to put up with me going on about this one. Lady Edelgard is dead and Ferdinand is a Blue Lion who spares Hubert. All of this is played for maximum dramatic potential. Special marks for the scene where Ferdinand accidentally poisons himself with Hubert’s coffee. So brilliantly in character for both of them. And excellently foreshadowed earlier in the fic where an imprisoned Hubert keeps asking for his coffee... 

14. A fic you associate with a place

Heart of Defiance - battlemage15, RWBY, M rated, multichap 150k

https://archiveofourown.org/works/7896874/chapters/18038116

I downloaded this to my phone and read it on the top deck of the number 6 bus as it bumped along the country roads of deepest Devon. I was on my way to job interviews in the city and the trip was 2 hours long. The fic itself is a Yang centric shonen power fantasy that goes to pretty dark places. 

15. A fic that made you gasp out loud

Blood and Ink - ShowMeYourFury, RWBY, M rated, Cinder/Ruby, multichap 45k

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11754595/1/Blood-and-Ink

This fic is ruthless with Cinder’s villainy. Every time you think she can’t go any further, she does. I love it. 

16. A fic you found at the right time

Forward - Lyricanna, Fire Emblem Fates, not rated, multichap, 34k (incomplete)

https://archiveofourown.org/works/12747516/chapters/29075913

I love the concept of this fic so much. Subaki is selected to be a Hoshidan ambassador in Nohr and gets lumped with Niles as a guide. Neither is having a good time. There is a plot going on involving kidnapping and asassination that forces them to work together. 

17. A fic that you would read fic of

The Obligatory Hot Spring Scene - Scribbler, Yu-gi-oh, T rated, oneshot, sub 1k

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/6368612/1/The-Obligatory-Hot-Spring-Scene

Written as though the characters are actors and canon is a TV show. I love this concept and would read more in a similar vein

18. A fic that made you laugh out loud

Surrender To Your Peace - spiralpegasus, Fire Emblem Three Houses, M rated, Sylvain/Felix, one chap, 11k

https://archiveofourown.org/works/20757260

“This is very unfortunate,” Dimitri says with a frown. “As the leader of this mission, I will take full responsibility and use the Swamp Bedroll.”

One does not simply sacrifice themselves to He Who Saw The Bottom Of The Earth And Lived with such a cavalier attitude. “You know your guilt complex doesn’t actually have to extend to sleeping in a gross swamp bag,” Sylvain tells him disbelievingly.

“I agree, Your Highness,” Dedue says, setting He Whose Stench Haunts The Dreams Of Man down on the ground with a delicate sort of distaste. “None of us need use this… bedroll.” He says bedroll the same way he says food when it’s Flayn’s turn to cook.

19. A fic with a line or two you’ve memorised by heart

one sentiment enlightens to another - newamsterdam, Fire Emblem Three Houses, G rated, Hubert/Ferdinand, oneshot 6k

https://archiveofourown.org/works/21074840

Ferdinand rolls his eyes. “Of course I do, Hubert. I remember very well. I just— well. Perhaps I’ve overestimated you.”

Hubert, who has spent the better part of the past few weeks believing he constantly underestimates Ferdinand, bristles.

Not the exact lines but I always keep this in mind when writing the ship. I think these hit on the fundamental misunderstanding between the two characters. Hubert is only human, not some all powerful hero/villain. And Ferdinand isn’t stupid just because he’s honest and emotional. I think the two of them have trouble getting their heads round these concepts!

20. A fic that gave you butterflies

Ataraxia - Windian, Tales of Graces, T rated, Cheria/Pascal, 13k

https://archiveofourown.org/works/7828981/chapters/17871247

"I want you," Cheria tells her, and the night catches like a rubber band. Her hands are in Pascal's hair, Pascal's arms around hers, her mouth on hers. Their kisses are sloppy and messy, noses knocking against one another, but it's everything and it's nothing at all like kissing Asbel.

When they break for air, Pascal tells her, "You don't know how long I've wanted to do this, Cheria."

Cheria asks, "Why didn't you say anything?"

"I dunno Cheria, because you were gonna marry Asbel, maybe?"

It stops her in her tracks. Voice low, she asks, "What am I going to tell him?"

Pascal cups either side of her face. Kisses her, so hot and hard that Cheria's left seeing stars, clinging at the strings of Pascal's swimsuit like a shipwrecked sailor to a spar.

"Screw it. Think about it in the morning. For once in your life, do something you want."

21. A fic that embodies something you value in life

The Truth About Love - MistressAkira, Fire Emblem Fates, T rated, Niles/Subaki, 2k

https://archiveofourown.org/works/12036081

This fic is experimental in style - the author descrbes it as a soliloquy. The sentiment I take from it is that love is compromising, inconvenient, illogical. Yet it’s still something beautiful and something worth fighting for.

22. A favourite AU

Mobius - SirTeateiMoonlight, Xenoblade Chronicles, T rated, multichap, 17k

https://archiveofourown.org/works/17845748/chapters/42111473

Melia finds a copy of Xenoblade, plays it and knows exactly what’s going on in the story. She uses this knowledge to her advantage. It’s a slippery slope. By the end of the story she’s mercilessly torturing Lorothia against her brother’s wishes. 

23. A fic you’ve stayed up late to finish reading

Dirty Sympathy - ideny, Apollo Justice: Ace Attorney, M rated, Klavier/Apollo, 130k on AO3 not sure on kink meme

https://bludhavens.livejournal.com/88397.html?thread=41790541#t41790541

https://archiveofourown.org/works/1075868/chapters/2160789

I stayed up reading this until 4am and for some reason (probably tiredness) confessed this to my not-yet-gf. She cites this as one of the moments she fell for me!

It’s a dark fic in which Klavier and Apollo are both in abusive relationships with villains. They concoct a plot to implicate the two of them in criminal activities to escape and fall for each other along the way. 

24. A fic that made you feel seen

i knew you were trouble - Magepaw, Fire Emblem Fates, M rated, Niles/Subaki, 8k

https://archiveofourown.org/works/19314568

First of all the title is one of my favourite songs. Second of all the dialogue is everything I want from the Niles/Subaki ship. Third Subaki’s pegasus makes her presence known. Fourth there is a gory battle scene and hurt/comfort gone wrong. And fifth, a happy ending. 

Niles had to turn away, hand pressed to his mouth, before his own blush betrayed him. This was too good to last. This had to be the most embarrassingly vulnerable moment of his entire life, and of course the entirety of the Nohrian and Hoshidan military combined had to be there to see Niles go soft. 

[emospritelet]

You can’t do a naked calendar plot line without some kind of Full Monty reference. Whether Dr Gold has a sarcastic line about being in a strip group to pay for med school or Belle having a fantasy about a guilty pleasure movie or the photographer playing “You Can Leave Your Hat On” during the shoot I needs a FM reference.

So remember when I suggested Gold might be persuaded to take part in a naked calendar as a fundraiser for the hospital?  I asked you people to stop me and no one did.

Anyway, I tweaked the above prompt a little…

[Part 1] [Part 2] [Part 3] [Part 4] [Part 5] [Part 6] [Part 7] [Part 8] [Part 9] [Part 10] [Part 11] [Part 12] [Part 13] [Part 14] [Part 15] [Part 16]

AO3 link

Belle stayed in bed for the next three days.  Her father was in no way as attentive as Gold, but at least she knew not to expect much from him.  He brought her tea each morning, with the air of someone who felt that they were performing a task that was beneath them.  Dinner was takeout fried chicken, which she pulled a face at, and received a lecture on her lack of gratitude in return. It didn’t make her recovery any more rapid, but she felt too sick and weak to care all that much.

It was a relief when she felt she could get out of bed, not least because she could make her father breakfast and stop his complaining, however briefly. She really needed her own place, and to that end she spent the rest of the morning making a notice to hang in the break room at work. Wanted! it shouted in large red letters, followed by a description of what she was looking for: apartment or shared house with access to a garden, plus the approximate rent she was looking to pay. She had left tear-off strips at the bottom with her name and number, and she prayed that someone in Storybrooke would have what she wanted. Someone who was quiet and tidy and liked cooking dinner with a glass of wine and a little music.  Someone who enjoyed lazy Sundays with coffee and croissants and a good book. Someone like—

Belle squeezed her eyes shut, scrunching the paper a little in her fingers and shaking her head.  No. He had made it very clear that he didn’t see her as anything more than a friend, and to share a house with him would be exquisitely painful.  Not to mention the fact that the poor man had probably breathed a huge sigh of relief when he returned home and found her gone. Maybe he had danced around the place.  Naked.

Belle rolled her eyes, shoving the image away, the memory of seeing every inch of him.  The thought made her grin, and she shook her head in resignation. Barely over the flu, and her libido was already at full power. She tamped it down, concentrating on smoothing out the crinkles in her notice. Someone in Storybrooke would have a place to rent. She just hoped it would be someone she could stand.

x

Gold had never before found his house to be too quiet.

When he had first moved to Storybrooke, he had breathed a sigh of relief at leaving the city behind, at his pace of life changing so dramatically, his journey to and from work undisturbed by the honking of horns or the screaming of sirens, the only sounds in the evening the ticking of clocks or the music he played.  He had revelled in peace and quiet, in silence. And now it seemed oppressive, almost ominous, as though a heavy cloud had stretched across the sun and his world was left in shadow.

The first night after Belle left was torture; he could smell her scent on the pillows, and his sleep was restless, filled with vague dreams of her being there with him.  He stripped the bed the next morning, changing the linen for fresh and shoving the sheets into the laundry hamper to wash. The dreams faded, but it was a partial victory only.  The house was still too quiet.

He told himself it was for the best; he liked his own company, after all.  He enjoyed solitude, had sought it out and embraced it. Having Belle in his house didn’t change who he was on the most basic level.  So why did the house feel empty without her? Why did he feel empty?

His brain wasn’t coming up with any satisfactory answers to that question, certainly none that made any sense, and so he chose to deal with his inner turmoil in the best way he knew, which was to bury himself in work until he forgot about it.  Fortunately, the hospital was as busy as ever, and Dr Whale had almost cried when Gold told him he could take the rest of the week off. For a terrifying moment he had thought Whale was going to hug him, but thankfully he had restrained himself and had simply run off to the locker room.  Nurse South had immediately approached, a clipboard in her hands and a determined look in her eyes, and Gold had gotten an update from her and thrown himself into dealing with the latest casualties of the harsh Maine winter.

Jefferson appeared for the evening shift, just as Gold was starting to realise how tired he was.  A friendly clap on his shoulder made him stagger, and Jefferson grabbed his arm to keep him upright.

“Take it easy, would you?” he said.  “Go on, get on home. I can cover your last hour.”

“I’m alright,” lied Gold, rubbing an eye, and Jefferson grinned at him.

“So, I hear Belle finally went home,” he said.  “I’m guessing you’ve been enjoying a little alone-time since she left, am I right?”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” snapped Gold, and Jefferson blinked.

“It - means that I know you like your own company?” he said.  “What the hell did you think I was talking about?”

“Nothing,” sighed Gold, giving himself a mental kicking.  “Sorry. I’m just - sorry.”

“No big deal.”  Jefferson looked him over.  “How is she, anyway?”

“How should I know?”

“Wow, are you in a crappy mood today,” remarked Jefferson.

“Sorry,” said Gold again.  “She’s - I don’t know how she is.  Not back at work, anyway.”

“Maybe she’s actually getting the rest she needs,” said Jefferson.  “Unlike some people.”

“Stop nagging me.”

“Somebody ought to.”

“Why is that somebody always you?”

“You know my constant dragging comes from a place of love, right?”

Gold shook his head, secretly amused, and Jefferson grinned.

“Grace is better, by the way,” he said.  “She’s back in school. She says I’m to invite you to a tea party this weekend.”

“I’d be delighted.”

“Good, because I already told her you were coming.”

Gold nodded absently, setting down the chart and moving on, and Jefferson eyed him, lips pursed as though he had a secret and was wondering whether to tell him.  Gold grumbled under his breath.

“Whatever it is you have to say, why don’t you just say it?”

“Okay,” said Jefferson.  “The Board agreed to buy that new CT scanner you wanted—”

“But?”

“—but they’re insisting that we do a fundraising drive to show willing.”

Gold groaned, letting his head roll back.

“Let me guess,” he said dryly.  “Bake sales and a charity dinner.”

“Is that so terrible?”

Gold snatched up the chart from the next patient’s bed, grumbling to himself.

“I’ll bake something,” he said.  “Several things. I’ll even attend the dinner.  Just don’t leave me alone with the bloody donors.”

“You’re safe, I promise,” said Jefferson, and hesitated.  “Anyway, that wasn’t what I was gonna tell you. I - kind of had an idea for fundraising.”

“Oh yes?”

Gold checked over the figures on the chart, nodding to himself when he saw the slowly improving picture.  He turned his attention to the man in the bed. Alfred Prentice was pale and thin, his white beard stretching down over the blankets.

“Good to see you getting a little better, Mr Prentice,” said Gold.  “I hope you’ll be able to go home soon.”

The old man lifted a hand briefly, closing his eyes, and Gold turned back to Jefferson, who was looking surprisingly shifty.

“Go on,” said Gold suspiciously.

“Okay, so I thought we might all contribute to a calendar,” said Jefferson, in a rush.  “A picture, maybe a short bio, maybe a fun statement.”

“Who the hell would want to buy that?”

“Oh, we’d all be naked,” said Jefferson, in a matter-of-fact way, and Gold’s eyes narrowed.

“What?”

“Well - naked calendars of regular people sell, you know?” said Jefferson, giving what he no doubt thought was his most charming smile.  Gold turned away.

“No.”

“Oh, come on!”

“No.”

“Don’t tell me you haven’t done things you didn’t want to further your career in medicine,” said Jefferson.

“Yes, I waited tables every night at university,” said Gold impatiently.  "I certainly didn’t take my clothes off for cash.“

“Pity, you could have saved yourself time and money,” said Jefferson, with a grin.  "Get me drunk enough and I’ll tell you about my time at Blue Star. Stripping’s a lot more lucrative than carrying plates of food.“

Gold stared at him for a moment, unsure whether he was joking, and Jefferson’s grin widened.

“Get me even drunker and I’ll probably show you my routine to You Can Leave Your Hat On,” he added, and Gold shook his head.

“God, please don’t.”

“You’re no fun.”

“I keep telling you that, but you don’t take any notice.”

Jefferson sighed in exasperation.

“So?” he said.  "You in?“

“No one wants to see me naked even accidentally, I assure you,” said Gold, in a very dry tone.  “Let alone pay money for it.”

“You wouldn’t be totally naked,” persisted Jefferson.  “I was thinking about a strategically-placed clipboard or something.”

“No.”

“Whale’s doing it.”

“Whale would get his tackle out for a croissant.”

Gold moved on to the next bed, and Jefferson scampered after him.

“Okay, that’s true,” he allowed.  “But think of the hospital! Isn’t getting state of the art equipment worth a little humiliation?”

“You’re not selling this too well.”

“The photo shoot will be private,” added Jefferson.  “Just you, the photographer… And me, if you want some support.  Moral or otherwise.”

Gold sighed, and Jefferson grinned at him.

“Everyone else has said yes.”

Gold reached for the patient’s chart, and looked up at him.

“Fine,” he said resignedly.  “But next year I’m sticking to the bake sale.”

[loudblonde]

The lasting emotional damage of child abuse

Trigger warning: mentions of rape, suicide, eating disorders, self harm and abuse. Plus start of alcoholism.

I'm in no way a psychologist or an expert on this. But I have first hand experience with emotional neglect, emotional manipulation, fear being used as a mean of manipulation, fearing a parents next move and just generally not being treated like a human being.

I cannot say that I have had the worst childhood and I know that. I'm thankful that I was never hit or sexually assaulted. But I was pretty much fucked up.

I'm still young, being only 16 years old. I've been away from my father for a little over a year. Having only seen him 5 times during this. One of these being alone.

I'm absolutely terrified when I think back to the apartment I used to live in. When I think about my father. I know that I have a lot to still work on with what happened.

My father was never one to hit if he didn't have too. He was never one to sexually assault people and in fact, he beat up someone who raped a girl he knew. I pretty much grew up with my father being my sole care giver. Having him take care of all my needs. Everything was fine until we moved in with my step mother. She's controlling, manipulative and just over all a bad person.

She and my father controlled my entire life for a little over 3 years. I had a schedule with everything I had to do. It wad written so that it had the time when we should start doing it and when our next task was. Sometimes we had multiple chores to do in that same hour. We were 3 kids. We had to clean up the entire house except the bathroom. Which we later had to clean as well.

I told them the sheduale made me extremely stressed out. I did not tell them I was hearing, seeing, feeling, tasting, smelling things that wasn't there and losing time because of multiple peraonalities. They had seen my self harm before and told me I was doing it for attention(even though my father self harmed as well when he was younger). They did nothing to help me.

I delt with eveytging myself and pretty much tried ended my life twice. Never succeeding. I kept begging my father to get me help but he kept dismissing it as I was trying to get attention. One day he promised me he would take me to a doctor because he saw my self harm continuing. Nothing big, just in the top layer of the skin. Away after 3 days to a week.

I got help, he found out I had tried to kill myself and I had a shit ton of these psychosis things. He started believing what I were saying. All my life he had told me I were normal and that there was nothing wrong with me. It turned out I had autism. I went into a psychiatric hospital to see if it was autism or skizofrenia. I got the psychosis symptoms when I'm severely stressed and under a lot to pressure to perform perfect.

At these point I had fled from my father house with none of my possions, up to my mother's house. Because my step mother was angry at me going out even though we had an agreement that I could go out for 12 to 16.

She had forgotten we had a deal that I could be gone for 4 hours. I even said I would do all my chores when I got home. I made that promise. She called me and I was thinking, she's probably just wondering where I am. I was 5 minutes late, I was 3 minutes from my door. Nothing unusual there. I answer the call and she's pissed at me. About to have a mental break down, I call my mum, crying violently. Telling her everything my step mother had said, asking if I could come live with it. It is worth saying that my mother and I, never had a good relationship. Not until about 4 weeks before that.

She knew of the entire thing that went on at home. How I was being threatened to be thrown out if I kept misbehaving, tbey didn't feed us properly. So, I stole food in order to get enough nutrients. It was wrong but I were really hungry. It is also worth saying i was skinny back then. Not unnaturally skinny. I looked like a good looking straight girl. I ran 5 km everyday. So it made sense with little to no food and running this much that I would be skinny.

I told how my father was trying to emotionally manipulate me into believing she was bad. By saying stuff like "I'm not going to shit talk your mum, but *insert something minor she does and a rant as to how it's bad for us kids to see*"

I hated living at home with my dad. We were 5 people in a 3 room apartment. We had 20 birds, fish, a snake, a cat, a dog and a bloody rabbit. Too many god damn animals.

I loved the animals and helped out with them. I did the excise and all my chores. At the expense of my mental health. I had extra homework because I "needed" it. But when I asked for help I was told I was big enough to figure it out myself. We had 1 hour of electronics time each day. Now I don't mind parents setting rules for electronic time. I think it's healthy to learn a child when they should be on it and when they shouldn't. The walls are pretty damn thin in this house. Me being a chronic insomniac teenager, made me sleep around 5 or 4 hours before waking up at 6 very morning to walk the dog. Sometimes even earlier.

I suffered from depression back then. Meaning I had a hard time getting out of bed. But if I didn't, I would get yelled at, break down crying and self harm/starve myself.

I weighed 78 kg. Which I were told was too much. It really isn't. I'm 173 cm and have a pretty solid build. Meaning I'm more robust and have bigger bones then most girls my age. Always had. I've never broken my arm even though I really should have on many many occasion. Only ever gotten a spiralled fracture on my right upper arm. So I have to weight from 72 to 78 kg. Which is pretty realistic. I was cosntaly being weighed, measured and told I was too fat. I was constantly being told that everything I ate would make me more fat and that I should get my head out of my arse and start losing weight. Which resulted in my eating problems. I don't really know how to classify it and every psychologist have dismissed this and never talked with me about it since my suicidal tendencies and autism was more important.

But I starved myself as much as I could possible do. I saw myself being as fat as I am now. I couldn't see how perfectly normal I was in weight. I would crash and steal granola bars from the cupboards, steal an apple and eat it or god forbid me in eating a single carrot. I would starve myself as much as I could before purging food. As much as I could. I feel worse after it.

I cannot control myself around sweets and nutella. I know it's all about self discipline but I have that about 1 week or 2 before I eat the sweets and stuff like that. Which is also why I don't go to town with extra money and only carry cash.

My step mum said and I quote "I do not wanna live under the same roof as a thief."

Which hurt me a lot. Yeah I know I was stealing food, because I was hungry and I was too afraid to ask for anything. Because every time I did, I would either being yelled at or told to go away.

Every time I tried to open up or come out of the closet. I was made fun off. My dad would use the things I've said in the few moments I trusted him, against me as he saw fit. He would make me break down crying and have the nerve to call me weak after that.

I still have major trust issues to this date when it comes to family. I can easily share things with strangers because tbey probably won't have to ever see you again. Which is a nice thought.

With my insomnia and fear. I was up way too much and woke up way too much. Had nightmares or no dreams at all. I was afraid of my own father, coming into my room during my sleep and that he would kill me. Because I know he would be 100% capable off it. If he truly snapped, then Ted Bundy would have nothing on him.

So still to this day, I have major issues with calling asleep before everyone else. I self medicine with alcohol. Which I'm trying not too do, but it's hard not too. It makes me fall asleep easier in the night. Makes me feel calm and not feel so scared about everything. I really hate it but it's during the job self harm used to do. I don't know what is worse, self harm or the alcohol.. But either way, I'm trying to stop. I'm 2 months clean from self harm. But I am still consuming alcohol in large amounts from time to time.

I still have major eating problems. Over eating or not eating at all.

I cannot sleep, before everyone else in the house is sleeping or have gone to bed.

So yeah, abuse can really fuck someone over. I know that I'm by far, not the worse case. I never saw my parents drink or do drugs in front of me. But I knew it was a part of childhood. I knew about it without knowing what it was.

I know a lot of people won't even make it to here. But I just had to get this odd my chest. So thank you if you read this far.

[the-most-beautiful-broom]

100 questions

it’s long so it’s under the cut, but man was this fun. thanks for the tag @she-who-the-river-could-not-hold ♥ i’ll tag my loves (if you want to haha this is a lot) @dylanobrienisbatman @blueshirtbell @granger--danger @nightbleeder

1. What is your nickname? lol I have so many. Linds is the most common on here though.

2. How old are you? 23

3. What is your birth month? october

4. What is your zodiac sign? libra, but it’s only like 60% accurate imo (I’m not fragile, or a flirt? ya girl can be charismatic, but I don’t think that’s the same?)

5. What is your favorite color? green

6. What’s your lucky number? when I was in high school/sports, I picked 13 for my number because everyone was like oooo it’s unlucky and I was like cool, guess I’ll win while wearing an unlucky number then (and that’s today’s slytherin mood)

7. Do you have any pets? not in the city with me :(

8. Where are you from? california

9. How tall are you? 5’ 9"

10. What shoe size are you? 10

11. How many pairs of shoes do you own? more than I should, probs

12. Are you random? oh goodness no. I believe in patterns and I’m pretty dang predictable.

13. Last person you texted? my sister

14. Are you psychic in any way? lol no

15. Last TV show watched? queer eye again

16. Favorite movie? IMPOSSIBLE <--stealing Kath’s answer on this one

17. Favorite show from your childhood? sooooo we didn’t have a tv haha my mom really really wanted her daughters to be well read

18. Do you want children? I want to foster!

19. Do you want a church wedding? I’m not sure? i’d want everyone to be comfortable and they might not be in a church…I do know that I want a brunch wedding though, bc dancing isn’t my thing and breakfast food is

20. What is your religion? I’m Christian! Seventh-day Adventist is the specific denomination, but nobody ever really knows what to do with that haha

21. Have you ever been to the hospital? not for me/like I’m sick, but for other people, yeah, too much

22. Have you ever got in trouble with the law? Lol not at all. I’ve gotten pulled over four times, but never ticketed though.

23. How is life? better than I deserve

24. Baths or showers? showers

25. What color socks are you wearing? i’m wearing heels for work, so no socks

26. Have you ever been famous? goodness no, whatever for?

27. Would you like to be a big celebrity? I think I would, to get to have that platform to make a change and give other people a voice would be awesome

28. What type of music do you like? something with words that mean something, or a melody that surprises you. I’m so weak for key changes though…I’ve always said that my perfect music is driving music: I can belt it alone on a highway at 3am, or laugh over it with friends in the afternoon.

29. Have you ever been skinny dipping? nope

30. How many pillows do you sleep with? two

31. What position do you usually sleep in? on my right side, with my hands under my pillow

32. How big is your house? it’s a nyc apartment, fam, it’s the size of a broom closet. it’s cozy though, and I love it

33. What do you typically have for breakfast? I’m so bad at eating breakfast…if I do get something, it’s at the bagel place across the street from my office

34. Have you ever left the country? ages ago

35. Have you ever tried archery? on retreats/for school; I wanted to be like robin hood

36. Do you like anyone? I might have a bit of a crush at the moment and it is stressing me out

37. Favorite swear word? so I literally never swear irl, and the first time I swore online was when I was writing my stranger things fic—it’s literally impossible to write dustin and steve and have them not cuss?? ummm I don’t know, they all have their purposes, but I think fuck is just next level emphatic. it’s crazy that it’s just a word, but it conveys so much when you use it

38. When do you fall asleep? if/when I establish a normal sleeping schedule, I’ll let you know

39. Do you have any scars? in the middle of one of my eyebrows, from when I cracked my head open as a kid, which is why I always fill my eyebrows in. also acne scars, which I’m working on not caring about.

40. Sexual orientation? straight

41. Are you a good liar? yes

42. What languages would you like to learn? Literally all of them, so many. I’d love to learn Tagalog so I could have that connection with my mom’s side of the family, and then Spanish is just so beautiful and I really should’ve kept up with it after high school. French and German and Italian would be nice too, and then maybe an ancient language or three?  

43. Top 10 songs? REFUSING TO ANSWER THIS <--again, stealing kath’s answer. y’all know how much music I listen to and cry over, so you know I can’t do this

44. Do you like your country? yes but not my leadership. I love the people of this country and I hate that the voices of the few are the ones that are loudest and that are yelling and that are deciding. the people of my country aren’t being represented or heard or protected and it breaks my heart.

45. Do you have friends from the web? I do! from this blog and I ran a fashion blog for a while, so from insta too

46. What is your personality type? MBTI: estj, enneagram: 2w3.

47. Hogwarts House? slytherin (as if anyone couldn’t tell)

48. Can you curl your tongue? no

49. Pick one fictional character you can relate to? emma woodhouse (I wish I could say lizzie bennet, but it’s got to be emma)

50. Left or right handed? right

51. Are you scared of spiders? not really? my sister is, so I always had to kill them

52. Favorite food? bread

53. Favorite foreign food? mexican (one of the perks of growing up near the border)

54. Are you a clean or messy person? I’m an orderly person…but sometimes that manifests itself in organized chaos BUT I KNOW WHERE EVERYTHING IS OKAY

55. If you could switch your gender for a day, what would you do? call out my coworkers and not be written off as emotional/sensitive

56. What color underwear? black

57. How long does it take for you to get ready? most days like 20 minutes? from horizontal in bed to out the door...but if i have to do my hair, tap another 3 hours on that, because it has to air dry

58. Do you have much of an ego? so this is complicated because i have high confidence in my capabilities and performance, but struggle with my worth and importance independent of those

59. Do you suck or bite lollipops? I don’t really care for lollipops, they just make me want to brush my teeth

60. Do you talk to yourself? yep

61. Do you sing to yourself? also yep

62. Are you a good singer? oh it’s so relative, fam. I can harmonize pretty well, so I’m a good backup singer

63. Biggest Fears? insignificance

64. Are you a gossip? not really. I hate complaining, and I really hate when other people complain; i’m just like okay so what did you do about it? 

65. Are you a grammar nazi? if someone knows better, in a context when they should know better, then yes. so like, in a paper, for a presentation, yeah. people ask for help bc I’m good at what I do. but also it’s such a construct that we judge people off of, so I work on not doing that outside of a professional/scholarly context? also I’m a big believer in knowing the rules and breaking them to make a point (see: all my lower case answers, run on sentences, etc.)  

66. Do you have long or short hair? I pixie-d my hair back in august and regret it constantly lol. it had to be done though

67. Can you name all 50 states of America? i mean, probably? I’ve been to most of them

68. Favorite school subject? always english

69. Extrovert or Introvert? literally the most extroverted extrovert

70. Have you ever been scuba diving? nope

71. What makes you nervous? when I see kids wandering and their parents not noticing

72. Are you scared of the dark? no

73. Do you correct people when they make mistakes? if we’re alone and I can help them, sure. I despise when people publicly reprimand someone for an unintentional error; it’s just so inconsiderate  

74. Are you ticklish? I find people’s obsession with tickling so weird lol

75. Have you ever started a rumor? no

76. Have you ever been out of your home country? …did we not already do this one?

77. Have you ever drank underage? lol fam I don’t drink at all

78. Have you ever done drugs? no

79. What do you fantasize about? paying off all my student debt, having an apartment in all my favorite cities, being able to travel. being an English professor. sometimes growing old with someone; most of the times being a mentor to younger women/getting to be someone i didn’t have

80. How many piercings do you have? none

81. Can you roll your R’s? yeah

82. How fast can you type? not very, which is funny because I work in IT, but I don’t type with my pinkies so that’s a mess

83. How fast can you run? lol I don’t run

84. What color is your hair? brown

85. What color are your eyes? hazel (green + brown)

86. What are you allergic to? mold and one very specific type of grass

87. Do you keep a journal? no

88. Are you depressed about anything? I disagree with how this question is worded but okay. ummm the fact that all my money goes to student loans and rent? misogyny in the workplace? hypocrisy in my government? the lack of love and empathy expressed by people who profess to be believers in love and empathy? that’s a good start 

89. Do you like your age? it’s where I’m at, either way

90. What makes you angry? willful ignorance

91. Do you like your own name? I do

92. Did you ever get a foreign object up your nose? no

93. Do you want a boy or a girl for a child? not to be a cliché, but all children are gifts? Like I don’t want to physically bear children, but if they’re there, they deserve love (hence the foster thing-- there are SO many kids in a broken system that need security and someone to care for them, and nobody helps them and that just shouldn’t be)

94. What talents do you have? public speaking and writing. I have a passion for making people feel welcomed and known and loved, so I hope that too

95. Sun or moon? sunshine; I’ll always be a SoCal girl at heart

96. How did you get your name? my parent’s loved the meaning

97. Are you religious? I am, yeah. it’s been a journey—other people believing blindy makes me so mad, as well as people who never question their faith or grow in it, or act in a way that shows they don’t actually believe what they say they do—but yeah, my faith is hugely important to me.  

98. Have you ever been to a therapist? I have not, although the farther away I get from some things, the more I think I ought to

99. Color of your bedspread? white with gray tassels

100. Color of your room? white walls and an exposed brick wall

[raefill]

I would legit love to hear you answers to every single question. I don't know if you feel like actually doing them all, but if you did... I'm JUST SAYING I'D READ THE ANSWERS, ok.

1: Is there a boy/girl in your life?Yeaaaah but my romantic prospects are pretty bleak tbh, I graduate and move away in a few months

2: Think of the last person who hurt you; do you forgive them?No, not really. But I’m not mad about it anymore.

3: What do you think of when you hear the word “meow?”CUTE BABY CLOSE BY !!!!!!!!!

4: What’s something you really want right now?to cry, i’m having the big sads

5: Are you afraid of falling in love?always

6: Do you like the beach?i love the beach!!!!!!!!! i grew up in a seaside town, the beach feels like the best parts of home

7: Have you ever slept on a couch with someone else?yes ?? it was cramped and uncomfortable 

8: What’s the background on your cell?the photo of me, san, kahl, chez, frau, bagel and spags in the louvre

9: Name the last four beds you were sat on?mine(right now), Thea’s, Lizzie’s, .. Keir’s?

10: Do you like your phone?yeah but i’d like it more if the screen wasn’t so cracked

11: Honestly, are things going the way you planned?lol no, it’s definitely not

12: Who was the last person whose phone number you added to your contacts?i genuinely don’t remember !

13: Would you rather have a poodle or a Rottweiler?rottweiler, i love dogs that look a little mean but have big hearts

14: Which hurts the most, physical or emotional pain?pffffft, that’s hard to answer but i’d say generally emotional, most of the time it’s harder to get rid of emotional pain

15: Would you rather visit a zoo or an art museum?both ?! i want to support the breeding of endangered animals that happens in zoos and see the cute animals but also i love a good rembrandt ?!

16: Are you tired?exhausted

17: How long have you known your 1st phone contact?since i was born

18: Are they a relative?my mother!

19: Would you ever consider getting back together with any of your exes?not a fucking chance

20: When did you last talk to the last person you shared a kiss with?a few hours ago, i think

21: If you knew you had the right person, would you marry them today?i don’t believe there’s a way to know nor do i think love works that way

22: Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?hell yeah i would

23: How many bracelets do you have on your wrists right now?none!

24: Is there a certain quote you live by?“if you make bad choices, own them” - my dad 

25: What’s on your mind?god, everything, idk im having a high key anxiety day

26: Do you have any tattoos?one pretty big one on my thigh

27: What is your favorite color?black !!!!!!!!!!

28: Next time you will kiss someone on the lips?maybe tomorrow, we’ll see how it goes

29: Who are you texting?uhhh, no one? everyone is asleep

30: Think to the last person you kissed, have you ever kissed them on a couch?yes

31: Have you ever had the feeling something bad was going to happen and you were right?all the time, my gut rarely lies

32: Do you have a friend of the opposite sex you can talk to?yes, his name is keir and he’s one of my best friends

33: Do you think anyone has feelings for you?i mean i’m dating someone so i fucking hope so

34: Has anyone ever told you you have pretty eyes?no ? i dont think ? i’ve had people say they’re big or the colour is interesting but idk

35: Say the last person you kissed was kissing someone right in front of you?i’d cheer her on

36: Were you single on Valentines Day?yes

37: Are you friends with the last person you kissed?yes!

38: What do your friends call you?rae ?

39: Has anyone upset you in the last week?yes

40: Have you ever cried over a text?pffft, yah

41: Where’s your last bruise located?my knee

42: What is it from?i fell over my own computer chair

43: Last time you wanted to be away from somewhere really bad?today

44: Who was the last person you were on the phone with?my mum, i think

45: Do you have a favourite pair of shoes?not right now, most i just wear my plain black docs

46: Do you wear hats if your having a bad hair day?no, i just tie is back

47: Would you ever go bald if it was the style?no, i really dont like my ears, idk why

48: Do you make supper for your family?yeah, my mum and step dad can’t cook

49: Does your bedroom have a door?ofc it does? what kind of bedroom doesn’t have a door? get these pretentious loft bedrooms out of my face

50: Top 3 web-pages?tumblr, ao3, youtube

51: Do you know anyone who hates shopping?plenty!

52: Does anything on your body hurt?period pains are all the rage today

53: Are goodbyes hard for you?yeah but i don’t tend to cry until they’ve already left so i look like i take them just fine

54: What was the last beverage you spilled on yourself?water......... this morning

55: How is your hair?fine? a bit damaged from the cold weather

56: What do you usually do first in the morning?wish i was still asleep

57: Do you think two people can last forever?yes

58: Think back to January 2007, were you single?i dont fucking know

59: Green or purple grapes?GREEN or get out of my face

60: When’s the next time you will give someone a BIG hug?tomorrow~

61: Do you wish you were somewhere else right now?yes

62: When will be the next time you text someone?tomorrow!

63: Where will you be 5 hours from now?probably in bed still, but asleep

64: What were you doing at 8 this morning.sleeping

65: This time last year, can you remember who you liked?no, i was getting over the end of a four year relationship

66: Is there one person in your life that can always make you smile?no

67: Did you kiss or hug anyone today?no

68: What was your last thought before you went to bed last night?this sucks

69: Have you ever tried your hardest and then gotten disappointed in the end?many times

70: How many windows are open on your computer?ten! and they’re mostly your fics corey, go figure

71: How many fingers do you have?ten

72: What is your ringtone?i dont know, my phone is always on silent

73: How old will you be in 5 months?22 ~

74: Where is your Mum right now?sleeping in bed probably, idfk, she lives hours away

75: Why aren’t you with the person you were first in love with or almost in love?we grew up and grew apart but we were still okay until i had about four-six months of depression where i had to stop myself from doing something stupid daily and he didn’t notice despite us living together and sharing a bedroom (and those times i told him and he shrugged)

76: Have you held hands with somebody in the past three days?yes

77: Are you friends with the people you were friends with two years ago?yes! i still love them very much

78: Do you remember who you had a crush on in year 7?annabelle

79: Is there anyone you know with the name Mike?yes, there’s some grad students in the psych department called mike, they all look kinda the same too

80: Have you ever fallen asleep in someones arms?yeah, i miss being able to do that regularly

81: How many people have you liked in the past three months?more than i can count, my polyamorous ass has a crush on about seven people currently

82: Has anyone seen you in your underwear in the last 3 days?no

83: Will you talk to the person you like tonight?i’m talking to one of them

84: You’re drunk and yelling at hot guys/girls out of your car window, you’re with?i’d literally never do this

85: If your BF/GF was into drugs would you care?depends which drugs and how often, no one cares about a joint every few months

86: What was the most eventful thing that happened last time you went to see a movie?i spilled my popcorn and managed to hide that i had spilled it from my date pahaha

87: Who was your last received call from?my mum, wow it sounds like i talk to my mum a lot more than i do

88: If someone gave you $1,000 to burn a butterfly over a candle, would you?yes, i hate bugs, give me the money

89: What is something you wish you had more of?time, energy, patience, money

90: Have you ever trusted someone too much?no, i’m not someone who trusts easily

91: Do you sleep with your window open?only in the summer

92: Do you get along with girls?yes, anyone that doesn’t get on with someone because of their gender is an asshole

93: Are you keeping a secret from someone who needs to know the truth?nope

94: Does sex mean love?hell no, it can be an expression of it but no

95: You’re locked in a room with the last person you kissed, is that a problem?yeah she wold be freaking the fuck out because she’s locked in a room!

96: Have you ever kissed anyone with a lip ring?no, actually, i haven’t

97: Did you sleep alone this week?yes

98: Everybody has somebody that makes them happy, do you?yes ? 

99: Do you believe in love at first sight?no, not at all

100: Who was the last person that you pinky promise?one of my besties, holly

[skateboardingyatagarasu]

1-100 Bitch!! Love ya

I know, 1: is there a boy/girl in your life?Yes and it’s @ankitsukai and I love her2: think of the last person who hurt you; do you forgive them?The last person who really hurt me was my ex-boyfriend and I will never forgive him.3: what do you think of when you hear the word “meow?”A cat? What else would it be??4: what’s something you really want right now?I want to see @ankitsukai5: are you afraid of falling in love?No way6: do you like the beach?Yes7: have you ever slept on a couch with someone else?No8: what’s the background on your cell?Secluded beach gif9: name the last four beds you were sat on?I don’t know what this means but the last for beds I’ve been on are my own, my dad’s to watch tv, my mom’s while she was trying to put wire on a picture frame, and the guest bed while @ankitsukai was here10: do you like your phone?Not as much as my first phone11: honestly, are things going the way you planned?No.12: who was the last person whose phone number you added to your contacts?Technically, it was my mom’s13: would you rather have a poodle or a rottweiler?I’ll take both dogs but if I had to pick, I’ll take the Rottweiler14: which hurts the most, physical or emotional pain?Did you know some emotional pain can be felt physically? They both can hurt pretty bad depending on the pain, though I guess I’d say physical because I once was in such pain I thought I was going to die15: would you rather visit a zoo or an art museum?Zoo hands down16: are you tired?Not really17: how long have you known your 1st phone contact?I’ve known them since like 4th grade18: are they a relative?Ha, no19: would you ever consider getting back together with any of your exes?Not a chance in hell20: when did you last talk to the last person you shared a kiss with?Talking to her right now21: if you knew you had the right person, would you marry them today?I’m pretty sure I have the right person and I would love to get married to her, I just want to be a little older and not 24 to get married22: would you kiss the last person you kissed again?I would like to kiss her at all times23: how many bracelets do you have on your wrists right now?None24: is there a certain quote you live by? “Blood is sound, sounds are words, and words are power.”“The one who keeps his head in the fight is the one who emerges victorious.” (when in a fight, don’t let yourself get clouded by emotion, keep your mind clear and focus on what you’re doing)“Pah! It’s only as complicated as you choose to make it. Was the old woman happy? Unhappy? Who can say. One can never know for true. You simply make your best attempt and move on.” (you do your best to make yourself happy and continue on in life)“I don’t like you… And I want nothing to do you you! Besides, I have my companions. Of course, they’re weak, and they whine when I leave— It’s almost too much trouble… But they are my friends! I shall fight by their side. Now…and forever!” (my friends aren’t weak, but no one messes with them and I will be loyal to no end)25: what’s on your mind?Life in general26: do you have any tattoos?I don’t27: what is your favorite color?Red and Blue28: next time you will kiss someone on the lips?When @ankitsukai comes up in the summer29: who are you texting?The last person I texted was my Aunte30: think to the last person you kissed, have you ever kissed them on a couch?I have kissed her on the couch many times31: have you ever had the feeling something bad was going to happen and you were right?It’s hard to tell, its possible, if it did I can’t remember, but I get the feeling often32: do you have a friend of the opposite sex you can talk to?I have a few, yes33: do you think anyone has feelings for you?I know someone who has feelings for me34: has anyone ever told you you have pretty eyes?@ankitsukai does35: say the last person you kissed was kissing someone right in front of you?Well if @ankitsukai was kissing someone else, I’d have to go beat that person up because she’s my significant other36: were you single on valentines day?No I wasn’t37: are you friends with the last person you kissed?Yes and we are dating38: what do your friends call you?Red, Weiss, Keith mostly39: has anyone upset you in the last week?My dad did40: have you ever cried over a text?Cried? No. Freaked out? Yes41: where’s your last bruise located?It was on my leg, I currently don’t have one42: what is it from?I don’t know43: last time you wanted to be away from somewhere really bad?It’s been a while, so I don’t remember it that well44: who was the last person you were on the phone with?My mom45: do you have a favourite pair of shoes?Yes, they are my boots.46: do you wear hats if your having a bad hair day?I wear hats every time I go out unless I’m wearing a hoodie47: would you ever go bald if it was the style?Not a chance48: do you make supper for your family?No49: does your bedroom have a door?Yes50: top 3 web-pages?Like the sites I visit the most? That’d be tumblr, youtube, and rabb.it, unless you mean the ones Iike the most, which would be cafemovie.me, netflix, kissanime.ru51: do you know anyone who hates shopping?Yes, it is myself52: does anything on your body hurt?My stomach53: are goodbyes hard for you?Depends on the situation (i.e, going home from a friend, @ankitsukai going home, death) and who I’m saying goodbye to54: what was the last beverage you spilled on yourself?Water55: how is your hair?Soft and clean56: what do you usually do first in the morning?Answer any messages I have57: do you think two people can last forever?Yea I think they can58: think back to january 2007, were you single?I was 14, so I either was just starting to get my first girlfriend or I was alone59: green or purple grapes?I like both60: when’s the next time you will give someone a big hug?That’ll be whenever I see @ankitsukai and @shiromori-no-kirien in the summer, unless I see an internet friend before them somehow61: do you wish you were somewhere else right now?I wish I was myself without stomach pain62: when will be the next time you text someone?Probably later today63: where will you be 5 hours from now?Hopefully sleeping in bed64: what were you doing at 8 this morning.It’s 5am right now, I don’t know what I’ll be doing in three hours, but I hope it’ll be sleeping65: this time last year, can you remember who you liked?My significant other @ankitsukai66: is there one person in your life that can always make you smile?I can smile just by thinking about @ankitsukai. Though @chibiakari @naklin-jwoong @apola-chan @rosewaltz @cara-deer @dirkaeus @jinny-the-kisaragi @duskmateria @shiromori-no-kirien moon and Shannon can all make me smile as well67: did you kiss or hug anyone today?I’ll probably hug my Aunte and Uncle when I see them later68: what was your last thought before you went to bed last night?I haven’t slept yet69: have you ever tried your hardest and then gotten disappointed in the end?Yes, but that’s life sometimes70: how many windows are open on your computer?By windows you mean like chrome and skype right? Then it’d be I guess five? Do the volume mixer and sticky note even count as windows? If not then three. Unless you mean like chrome tabs? Then it’s 3571: how many fingers do you have?I have ten72: what is your ringtone?You know the laser gun sound effect conversation from the first season of Voltron Legendary Defender? It’s that entire conversation73: how old will you be in 5 months?I will still be 2474: where is your mum right now?In her apartment75: why aren’t you with the person you were first in love with or almost in love?Because they left me76: have you held hands with somebody in the past three days?I haven’t77: are you friends with the people you were friends with two years ago?Most of them, three of them I had gotten just last summer78: do you remember who you had a crush on in year 7?I’m not sure what year 7 is, is this like 6th or 7th grade? If so, then I didn’t like anyone79: is there anyone you know with the name mike?I don’t know an actual person named Mike but I do know Mike Wazowski80: have you ever fallen asleep in someones arms?Yes I have and I like it very much81: how many people have you liked in the past three months?Liked is in romantically? Then it’s just @ankitsukai. Or liked as in platonic friendship? Then it’s all my friends who are the people I listed int he smile question82: has anyone seen you in your underwear in the last 3 days?No83: will you talk to the person you like tonight?I hope so, I always want to talk to her84: you’re drunk and yelling at hot guys/girls out of your car window, you’re with?I’m not sure what this means, but please don’t drink and drive. Also I wouldn’t do that, I’m already with the best looking person.85: if your bf/gf was into drugs would you care?Yes I would because I care about her health. Don’t do drugs, cara mia.86: what was the most eventful thing that happened last time you went to see a movie?@ankitsukai having diner food here for the first time, also saw The Shape of Water and got embarrassed in the first moments of the movie and couldn’t look at the screen87: who was your last received call from?Spam number88: if someone gave you $1,000 to burn a butterfly over a candle, would you?No, I’m not a monster89: what is something you wish you had more of?More knowledge of space, and plants, just a lot of plants90: have you ever trusted someone too much?I have once. They’re not in my life anymore. I will never forgive them.91: do you sleep with your window open?Sometimes I do92: do you get along with girls?A few of my friends are girls and so is my significant other, so I’d say yes93: are you keeping a secret from someone who needs to know the truth?No94: does sex mean love?Love is love and sex is sex. Sex isn’t love. After all people fuck all the time without emotion. Love is something that fills you up in your soul starting with the heart, at least that’s how I feel it.95: you’re locked in a room with the last person you kissed, is that a problem?That isn’t a problem at all. 96: have you ever kissed anyone with a lip ring?Nope97: did you sleep alone this week?Yea, I’ve been sleeping alone since @ankitsukai went home98: everybody has somebody that makes them happy, do you?I have many people that make me happy, check the list of people who make me smile99: do you believe in love at first sight?Some people might experience it100: who was the last person that you pinky promise?My dad’s friend Kristin while she was high and kinda drunk.

[littledonkeyburrito]

Internal organs

1. Where is your cell phone right now? Kitchen table

2. How many pictures of yourself do you have on your phone? There are several selfies, mostly while travelling

3. What song did you listen to the most this summer? Whatever was playing on the radio that I heard everywhere I guess. Probably despacito, subeme la radio, and vente pa ca

4. Describe your hands. They’re pretty handy

5. Have you ever been chased by an animal? (If so, which one) A couple of small dogs, a horse (while I had a strong fear of horses, I cried), probably some others that I don’t remember.

6. How many people in your family have blue eyes?  Most of us, except my brother has hazel

7. What’s the longest you’ve ever been on an airplane? Australia to europe is something like 24 hours. But that’s a couple of flights. The longest I’ve been on one flight was Sydney to Doha which was 14 hours and it was hell because the air pressure was wreaking havoc on my guts and gave me the worst cramps 

8. How did you get one of your scars? I was in the UK with my dad and brother when I was 10 and we were staying at a family friend’s house, along with a couple of other family friends. Me and a fellow child were building a little stick cubby house in the garden and we decided we didn’t want my older brother to get in because he would ruin everything, so we made the entrance really low to the ground so you had to slide in on your belly. Anyway, brother was chasing me and I tried to dive into the cubby house and one of the sticks scraped down my back and now I have a faint scar there.

9. How did you celebrate your last birthday? A group of friends and I went to a theme park and then went to a comedy cabaret show for dinner where we consumed a reasonable amount of alochol

10. How did you get the shirt you’re wearing? I probably bought it at a cheap clothing store. It’s a few years old so I don’t remember exactly

11. How old will you be at your next birthday? 24

12. What did you do last weekend? I was in Paris

13. What did you have for breakfast? I did not have breakfast

14. Have you ever been out of the country? Which country? I’ve been out of many of them

15. Have you ever had sex on the beach? No and I really have no desire to get sand in that region.

16. Have you ever dated someone younger than you? Yeah

17. Who was the last person you saw? Lady working at the cornerstore. For some reason whenever I buy a 6 pack of beer she always forgets to put it in as 6 and just scans one. I’m too honest to let it slide so I always look at the price and go, “...for 6 beers?” and she’s like “oh!” and rescans it as the 6pack. I mean, I go into that little store at least once a week so I’d rather not screw them over anyway.

18. Who was the last person you messaged? Anna

19. Where does your best friend live? All of my best friends still live in australia

20. Where did you last go? To the cornerstore

21. Where do you go to school? At a school

22. Would you ever get back together with any of your ex’s if they asked you? Depends on definition of ex but I’m considering (when I’m back in aus) getting back with a guy I had a thing with before I left australia

23. Who was the last person you sat next to? Somebody on the plane from Paris back to Barcelona

24. Do you have any friends that you’ve known for 10 years or more? Yeah

25. When was the last time you ate chips? Maybe a week ago

26. How many people have you kissed in this month? None :(

27. Do you know what you are going to wear tomorrow? No but you’ve just reminded me I need to hang up my laundry to dry

28. What are you doing tomorrow? I need to stop into that telemarketing office and finally pick up my money. Then going to buy some rum and hopefully mandarins too (my grocery store didn’t have any today) and head home by midday to skype with maggie and anna for maggie’s birthday while I get drunk in the early afternoon

29. What color are your socks? Navy blue with little pink hearts on them

30. Last thing you got in the mail? Letter from 2 friends (a couple) asking me to be a groomsman at their wedding next year. They can’t stand the thought of me in a dress so they decided a long time ago that I could not be a bridesmaid

31. Who were you with Friday night? Just me, alone in Paris.

32. How long does it take you to get ready to go out? Up to 45 minutes. Usually about half an hour.

33. Where’s the closest hoodie to you right now? I only have one and it’s on my torso

34. Do you prefer to take your showers at night or in the morning? Mornings because I tend to sweat while I sleep. Obviously less of an issue in winter though. When I’m working I take night showers in winter because I know that if I get in the shower at 4:30am when it’s 5 degrees out, I am never getting out of that hot water.

35. Think back to June. Were you in a relationship? No

36. Who was the last person to be in your bedroom? I don’t know, nobody has been here in a long time

37. Have you ever eaten an uncooked cookie? Do you mean... cookie dough?

38. Is there a place that you wish you could visit? There are so many more places to go.

39. Do you believe that this weekend will be a good one for you? I think it will be the standard boring mediocre weekend I have every week due to having no friends in this country

40. Have you ever fallen asleep on someone? Yeah

41. Are all of your friends in relationships? About half of my close friends are

42. Would you ever eat a bug for 1000 dollars? Sure, give me 20 bugs and you won’t see me for 6 months because I’ll be off travelling. I hear fried crickets are pretty good.

43. What’s going on with you and the last person you messaged? Friend

44. Is your cell phone usually on vibrate or is the ringtone usually on? Ringtone, unless I’m on the train or something

45. Do you sext? I did once and I was surprisingly into it but I think that’s just bc I was really horny at time. Normally, it’s really not my thing.

46. Where are your biological parents? Their homes

47. Would you take $40,000 or a brand new car? Money please. Could spend 5k on a second hand car and still have 35k spare

48. Did the last person you message, message you back? Not yet. Asleep I think

49. Tell me about the last conversation you had with the opposite sex. Wasn’t much of a conversation. It was a guy working in the cornerstore was helping me find a 6 pack of beer that was actually a full 6 pack. For some reason most of them had exactly one missing. I say it wasn’t much of a conversation, firstly because not much needed to be said, secondly we’d both be speaking our second (at least) language, and thirdly he’s deaf so I’m not sure how much he’d hear from me anyway.

50. What is something you always have with you? Internal organs

51. Are you thirsty? In both senses of the word, yes.

52. What room are you in? Bedroom. It’s too cold to not be under blankets.

53. Rice or beans? Rice AND beans (seriously, listen to that song. I heard played by a band in a little beach town in Costa Rica)

54. Last pair of shoes you wore? Maroon sneakers I got from Alcampo for like 7 euros

55. Do your parents swear? Dad sometimes, mum no

56. Are you comfortable doing things on your own or do you prefer to have company? I prefer company when I’m not at home.

57. Do you think travelling is something that every young person should do to gain life experience? If they can. But not everybody will appreciate it

58. Do you have a certain color grape you like the most? Both are good but I tend to buy red grapes with seeds because then they take me longer to eat and they’re a good snack to have while I watch tv shows to keep my hands busy

59. If you could kiss someone right now, who would it be? I’m not too fussy, anyone off the shortlist

60. Would you rather go to a party or go on a quiet date? Depends who the date is with. I do like parties.

61. Type in “[your name] needs” in the Google search: Maddie needs a daddy Reaction: Only if he pays well lmao

62. Type in “[your name] wants” in the Google search: Maddie wants a solo Reaction: a solo of what?

63. Type in “[your name] is” in the Google search: Maddie is back Reaction: Soon.

64. Type in “[your name] looks like” in Google search: Maddie looks like sharpay Reaction: Um?

65. Type in “[your name] does” in Google search: Maddie does mackenzie’s makeup Reaction: I don’t understand what this means. Is this like highschool musical or something?

66. Type in “[your name] hates” in Google search: Maddie hates dance moms Reaction: Can’t say I’ve ever seen it

67. Type in “[your name] goes” or “..has gone” in Google search: Maddie goes to jail Reaction: I wonder what I did

68. Type in “[your name] loves” in Google search: Maddie loves lip balm Reaction: In winter I sure do

69. Type in “[your name] makes” in Google search: Maddie makes friends Reaction: Aww :3

70. When was the last time you wore a Band-Aid and why? A long time ago (more than a year) and probably for a blister

71. A trip to California, the Bahamas, New York, Wisconsin, Utah, or Canada? Canada or NY.

72. Whose house were you at last, besides your own? I haven’t been to anybody’s house in months 73. Any big plans for this summer? Ugh I suppose I have another summer coming up if I’m going back to australia. Plans are working, drinking and trying not to lose my spanish skills 74. Who was the last person you were in a vehicle with other than family? Everybody on the metro today 75. What’s something you need to get done soon? Booking flight back to aus. Need to do some research and also borrow some money first 76. Is your best friend awake right now? She is. And she’s hungover as fuck and regretting everything 77. If I came to your house, could I find any kind of chocolate? There is half a block of dark chocolate w almonds and also a pack of oreos. 78. What size bed do you have? King. It’s amazing and I love it and I want to bring it to australia with me even though I don’t actually own this bed bc it came with the furnished apartment 79. Who was the last person to upload a picture with you in it? According to facebook it was the friend I went to colombia with  80. Have you ever held a snake? Yeah 81. Do you ever wear sleep masks when you sleep or shower caps when you shower? Sleepmasks when I’m doing shiftwork 82. Would you rather go to a beach, an amusement park, or a water park? Amusement park 83. Have you ever kissed under water? Only if a shower counts as technically being under water 84. Have you kissed anyone whose name starts with a M? Yeah 85. Camping with a ton of friends or hotel with a few friends? Camping. It’s cheaper and there’s more potential for misadventures 86. Do you have alcohol in your house? I have 4 beers left and no rum

87. Do you have anything to pay off? I owe mum some money and soon will owe dad too. Won’t take me long to pay it off once I’m back in aus though 88. What are you listening to? Mi Vida No Vale Nada - Genitallica 89. Where did you first hear this song? Youtube bc I was looking up bands that sing in spanish

Last 10 people in your Facebook messages inbox: I’m excluding group chats

1. Anna 2. Brenda 3. Caitlin 4. Dad 5. Joh 6. Torin 7. Maggie 8. Pegler 9. Jenn 10. Patrick

How long have you known 1? A couple of months

When did you meet 2? Probably when I was a baby. She’s one of dad’s friends

When was the last time you saw 3? April when she stayed in Barcelona for a couple of days

Have you and 4 ever gotten into trouble together before? Me and dad? Nah

How old is 5? 28

Have you ever taken a shower at 6’s house? No.

Have you ever taken a dump at 7’s house? christ, almost definitely

Have you ever thought about going out with 8? No, but we made out in a bar like 5 years ago

What about 9? No

Would you ever go out with 10 or ask 10 out? Soz bro, but no

What’s the best memory you have had with 1? We’ve actually only met once in person

What’s 2′s lastname? Lewis

Would you ever take a bullet for 3? Yes, I would take it off the table and walk over and give it to her. Taking a bullet for her.

What would you do if 4 died? Cry 

What would you do if you found out 5 killed someone that you were related to? Well first of all I’d be super pissed. 

Would you take care of 6 if they were sick? Hmm probs not

Would you kill 7 if it was the only way for your other friends to survive? I couldn’t do that. 

Has 8 ever cooked for you? We lived together for 3 years so probably at some point I’ve eaten something he cooked

How many times have you and 9 fought? Never?

Have you and 10 ever cried together? Only over how adorable mass effect characters are

Have you and 1 ever kissed? No

Do you ever dream of 2? No

Is 3 a boy? No.

Does 4 have any kids? well... me, for one.

Do you want to marry 5? There was an in-joke amongst our friends for quite a while that we were already married

Are 4 and 5 friends? No. They met once and Joh drunkenly cried about how he hated my dad bc he said something homophobic. Joh also had no memory of this the following morning.

Who is 6 going out with? No idea Is 7 a boy or girl? I think the best answer to this would be... no? What would you think if 8 became your stepbrother/sister? I’d be cool having him as a brother

What is a random fact about #10? He was once part of a viral tumblr post because he and his younger brother used to look very similar and they had the same profile picture (of the brother) for a while. I was actually there when that photo was taken. If #3 said they were in love with you, what would you say? She is in love with my netflix shirt Is #4 hott? *vomits all over the keyboard* Who is #5 best friends with? Meeeee. jk we’re close but I doubt I’m his best friend.  Does #6 have good fashion sense? Yes. I always feel like I just crawled out of the sewer when I stand next to him. Then again, each item of his clothing probably cost more than my entire wardrobe. Is #7 single? Yes Would #8 and #9 make a cute couple? A cattle farmer and a vegan? I don’t see that working out too well.

[our-lovely-universe]

All the numbers, punk!!!

1: Let’s start with a tricky one; what is the real reason you are confused right now? lol I'm not really?2: Do you ever get “good morning” texts from anyone? my girlfriend sends me good morning snapchats everyday 💞💞3: If your significant other smoked pot, would you care? No, as long as it's not all the time.4: Do you find it easy to trust others? Oh yeah for sure! My uncle always says I'm super naive and need to stop trusting everyone I meet lol5: What were you doing at 11PM last night?sleeping 😴😴😴6: You’re drunk and lost walking down the road; who is with you? Hopefully someone that isn't drunk and knows where we are going haha7: What would you do if you found out you had been cheated on? Dump that person.8: Are you close with your dad? No not at all, I haven't seen my bio dad since I was 3 and then the man who basically raised me (who I call my real father) left me when I was 9 or 10, we only just now reconnected last year and we are still not close.9: I bet you kissed someone last night, right? Umm no unless you count kissing my little cousins goodnight 😂😂10: What are you listening to? New rules by dua lipa11: You can only drink ONE liquid for the rest of your life - what is it? Tea! I'm addicted to it lol12: Do you like hickeys? Heck yeah! Lol which is really weird for an asexual but I think they are more intimate than sexual.13: What time do you go to bed? If I have work I like to be in bed by like 10:30 cause I have to be up at 5:30 am but if I have nothing to do I usually don't fall asleep until 3am.14: Is there someone who continuously lets you down? My mother. I don't know how many chances I give her and she still disappoints me..15: Can you text as quickly with one hand as you do both? Yeah I think I can, though my texts are more sloppy lol (I did this one with one hand)16: Do you always answer your texts?I do but it may take forever. Sometimes days!!!! I forget about texts all the time hahaha17: Do you hate the person you fell the hardest for? Well I choose not to hate people, but I don't have respect for that person. They lied to me and always found a way to make me be the bad guy in a fight.18: When was the last time you talked to one of your best friends? Well I Snapchat my best friend everyday (even tho she is terrible at keeping a streak!) but it's been awhile since we have seen each other 😭😭19: Is there someone that makes you happy every time you see them? My littles cousins. They are the light of my life 💞💞20: What was your last thought before you went to bed last night? Well I like to go over everything in my life that is stressful at night because why the fuck not?!?! So I was probably thinking about all the shit that happened yesterday 😒😒21: Is anyone else in the room with you? Nope, I'm alone, or at least I hope so!!22: Do you believe what goes around comes around? I mean I guess?? I never really thought about it. I mean I always say be kind and kindness will come back so I guess that's the same lol23: Were you happier four months ago than you are now? Honestly no. Probably the same maybe a little worse.24: Is there someone you wish you could fix things with? My dad. Even after him leaving me for another family, I really want us to be able to work things out.25: In the past week, have you cried? Oh yeah, I've cried in the last hour lol26: What colour is the shirt you are wearing? Blue27: Do people ever call you by your last name? Yeah but they usually call me flawless lawless.28: Is anyone ignoring you right now? Not that I know of?29: Do you have a best friend? Yeah grace, we've been friends since we were little. And then also my girlfriend!30: Would it be hard seeing someone else kiss the last person you kissed? No not at all.31: Who was your last call/text message from? My aunt just texted me a picture of my cousin, today was her first day of kindergarten.32: Are you mad at anyone? Does myself count?33: Have you ever kissed someone older than you? Yes.34: How old will the last person you kissed be on his/her next birthday? I don't know.... barely knew the person.35: How many more days until your birthday? Tomorrow it will be exactly a month!!!! So excited!!36: Do you have any summer plans yet? Summers over yo! Start school next week!37: Do you have any good friends of the opposite sex? Sure I have one or two, use to have more but most my friends and I have grown apart due to distance.38: Are you keeping anything from your best friend(s) now? Yeah.39: Do you have a secret that you’ve never told anyone? Yes.40: Have you ever regretted kissing someone? Yes.....41: Do you think age matters in relationships? No, as long as you love the person and have a healthy relationship.42: Are you available? No I am very much unavailable.43: How many people have you had real, strong feelings for since high school ended? Um no one?44: If you had to get a piercing (not ears), what would you get? I had my nose pierced a couple times but I don't think I would get anything else pierced.45: Do you believe exes can be friends? Sure as long as you guys are both respectful of eachother.46: Do you regret anything? I choose not to regrets my choices in life.47: Honestly, what’s on your mind right now? Nothing really, my thoughts are pretty muddled today.48: Did you ever lose a best friend? Yeah kind of, it's complicated.49: Was your last kiss a mistake? Wait wasn't this asked earlier? Idk but yes my last kiss was def a mistake50: Why aren’t you pursuing the person you like? Well I mean I already got her lol51: Has the last person you kissed ever seen you cry? No.52: Do you still talk with the person you LAST kissed? Jesus Christ it's hard answering these last person you kissed, since the last person I kissed forced me. But no I do not!!53: What was the last thing you ate? Idk, I haven't eaten since yesterday.54: Did you get any compliments today? Yeah I got one from someone on Tumblr lol55: Where are you going on your next vacation? Idk but I would like to go to Canada to meet my gf or meet halfway somewhere with her.56: Do you own anything from other countries? Well most the stuff in America is made from china so yeah 😂😂57: Are most of your friend guys or girls? Idk I would say it's 50/5058: Where have you lived most of your life? Kansas59: When was the last time you took a long drive? 2 weeks ago to see my sister.60: Have you ever played Spin the Bottle? No61: Have you ever TPd someone’s house? No that's mean!62: Who do you text the most? My girlfriend.63: What was the last movie you saw? I'm watching a lifetime movie right now about a teenage murderer.64: What’s preventing your current boyfriend/girlfriend from going back to their ex? Idk, I mean I know nothing about their exes, but I have faith in my partner.65: How many boyfriends/girlfriends did you have in 2011? Um none probably. I didn't date a lot.66: Is the last person you kissed younger than you? No.67: Do you curse around your parents? Oh yeah.68: Are you happy with where you live? I mean I'm content but it's not where I want to be for the rest of my life.69: Picture of yourself? Idk how to add pics to a answer thing? Lol70: Are you a monogamous person or do you believe in open-ended relationships? Def monogamous!!71: Have you ever been dumped? No I'm usually the dumpee.72: What do you most like about making out? Well I'm not a huge fan of it, I mean it's nice but Idk lol73: Have you ever casually made out with someone who you weren’t seriously involved with? Yeah like one girl but I was trashed 74: When you kiss someone for the first time, is it usually you who initiates it or the other? Usually the other person 😬 I don't normally initiate the kissing.75: What part of a person’s body do you find most attractive? Their minds 😅😏76: Who was the last person you talked to last night before you went to bed? Holly77: Had sex with someone you knew less than an hour? No.78: Had sex with someone you didn’t know their name? No.79: What makes your heart flutter and brings a big cheesy smile to your face? My significant annoyance 😂😂 no but for real they make my life so much better. 80: Would you get involved with someone if they had a child already? Yeah definitely.81: Has someone who had a crush on you ever confessed to you? Yeah.82: Do you tell a lot of people when you have a crush? No I tend to keep to myself.83: Do you miss your last sweetie? No84: Last time you slow danced with someone? Prom.85: Have you ever ‘dated’ someone you’ve never met? Well I've never met my current gf.86: How can I win your heart? It's pretty easy, I have a big heart that loves everyone I meet. Buy me some Starbucks and we good 👌🏻👌🏻87: What is your astrological sign? Virgo88: What were you doing last night at 12 AM? Sleeping!89: Do you cook? Oh yes! I love it!90: Have you ever gotten back in touch with an old flame after a time of more than 3 months of no communication? Yeah my first girlfriend, we are kind of friends now, but only on social media, we don't talk much.91: If you’re single right now, do you wish you were in a relationship? I am in a relationship.92: Do you prefer to date various people or do you pretty much fall into monogamous relationships quickly? I swear this has already been asked hahaha93: What physical traits do you look for in a potential interest? I don't really have a type. Though I think tattoos are really attractive.94: Name four things that you wish you had? 1. A dog2. My own place3. Some coffee4. A blanket (it's always across the room)95: Are you a player? No.96: Have you ever kissed 2 people in one day? No.97: Are you a tease? No.98: Ever meet anyone you met on Tumblr? No99: Have you ever been deeply in love with someone? Yeah. Once before and right now.100: Anybody on Tumblr that you’d go on a date with? My gf101: Hugs or Kisses? Hugs!!! 102: Are you too shy to ask someone out? No.103: The first thing you notice about the opposite sex? Um idk.104: Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you babe? Idk I think it's my least favorite just because my step sister and her fiancée always call each other babe and nothing else and it's the most annoying thing ever! Me and my sis make fun of them all the time for it! 105: If a sexy person was pursuing you, but you knew he/she was in relationship, would you go for it? Nooo!!!106: Do you flirt a lot? Yeah I guess!107: Your last kiss? Don't want to talk about it 👌🏻👌🏻108: Have you kissed more than 5 people since the start of 2012? No.109: Have you kissed anyone in the past month? No.110: If you could kiss anyone who would it be? My gf111: Do you know who you’ll kiss next? My gf112: Does someone like you currently? Hopefully a lot of people like me, I try to be a like-able person.113: Do you currently have feelings for anyone? My gf114: Do you like to be in serious relationships or just flings? Serious relationship.115: Ever made out with just a friend? No.116: Are you happier single or in a relationship? Relationship obviously, she makes like so much happier!!

[i-like-your-genitalia]

ALL THE NUMBER QUESTIONSSS

1: Is there a boy/girl in your life?

@dysfunctionalgroup




2: Think of the last person who hurt you; do you forgive them?

$

Yeah, it’s my sister and she does hurtful shit all the time unfortunately 


3: Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17.

“Living not a mile away and yet worlds apart” 


4: What’s something you really want right now?

Cheesecake and cream cheese icing 


5: Are you afraid of falling in love?

Depends on who I’d be falling in love with 


6: How can I win your heart?

Compliments, gifts and affection 


7: Have you ever slept on a couch with someone else?

Yeah like half my friends lmao


8: What’s the background on your cell?

My girlfriend, my best friend and me 


9: Name the last four beds you were sat on?

This question doesn’t make sense, but my parents bed, my sisters bed, my own bed and the one in the spare room at my grandparents 


10: Think of the last person who said I love you, do you think they meant it?

Hopefully they do, it was my parents 


11: Honestly, are things going the way you planned?

No, but it’s not going badly! And that’s all I can hope for 


12: Who was the last person whose phone number you added to your contacts?

A girl, she works at a real estate agents across from where I work! Anyway we traded numbers because we were bordering on friends ahah


13: Would you rather have a poodle or a Rottweiler?

Poodle but only because I don’t the space for a big dog 


14: Which hurts the most, physical or emotional pain?

It all depends if it a paper cut compared to someone breaking your trust, obviously emotional! If it’s dying of cancer then physical


15: Would you rather visit a zoo or an art museum?

Art Museum 


16: Are you tired?

Always 


17: How long have you known your 1st phone contact?

Since she was born, I was there and the first time I saw her, I screamed and ran under the bed and had to be bribed out with food! 


18: If you had to delete one year of your life completely, which would it be?

The year I was conceived 


19: Would you ever consider getting back together with any of your exes?

Not right now because I’m happily taken, but possibly 


20: When did you last talk to the last person you shared a kiss with?

On the lips? When I kissed them. I got a kiss on the cheek from my nan, and I messaged her last night!


21: If you knew you had the right person, would you marry them today?

No, if they were the right person they’d know and understand that marriage is a big thing and in want to have some experiences for myself before committing myself in a legal partnership with them 


22: Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?

Nah 


23: When was the last time you were disappointed?

Today, I not to subtly asked my parents to buy me chocolate and they came back empty handed 


24: Is there a certain quote you live by?

Sometimes you have to do what’s best for you, but that’s doesn’t mean be selfish! 


25: What’s on your mind?

How I really wish I was back with my fave people 


26: Do you have any tattoos?

I wish 


27: What is your favorite color?

At the moment I’m digging the greens 


28: Next time you will kiss someone on the lips?

I’m hoping it won’t be three years, but I want to kiss my girlfriend that would be great! And realistically that won’t be for a good couple of years. 


29: Who are you texting?

My sister 


30: Are you superstitious about anything?

You get back what you give! Also don’t mess with demons,spirits or witches if you don’t have any knowledge on those things


31: Have you ever had the feeling something bad was going to happen and you were right?

Yes, not necessarily events but more people! My sister and I have had bad vibes from people we’ve know I’ve the years and we have been right about them being manipulative and selfish people 80% of the time 


32: Do you have a friend of the opposite sex you can talk to?

Atm? A couple but non who are super close 


33: Do you think anyone has feelings for you?

I’m hoping this one does @dysfunctionalgroup


34: Has anyone ever told you you have pretty eyes?

Possibly but they are lying! By eyes are boring and plain 👌🏽👌🏽


35: What was the reason for your last breakup?

They didn’t like me as much as I liked them 


36: Were you single on Valentines Day?

Yes


37: Name one physical feature that you like about yourself, and one you dislike.

I like my hair! And I don’t like my stomach 


38: What do your friends call you?

Tildy or mattie but mostly mathilde 


39: Has anyone upset you in the last week?

My sister 


40: Have you ever cried over a text?

Yes but I can’t remember what it was about 


41: Where’s your last bruise located?

On my thigh 


42: What is it from?

I honestly have no clue, it just appeared 


43: Last time you wanted to be away from somewhere really bad?

I’m not sure???? 


44: Who was the last person you were on the phone with?

My best friend ♥️


45: Do you have a favourite pair of shoes?Yes, they are these stunning wedge heels, in pale pink and the wedge part is this pastel floral print! I can’t wear them often tho 


46: Do you wear hats if your having a bad hair day?

Nope, just tie my hair up and hope for the best 


47: Would you ever go bald if it was the style?

Never


48: Do you make supper for your family?

Sometimes, I do like cooking it’s whether or not I come hope to an already prepared meal or not 


49: What’s the toughest decision you made this year?

Probably making the move to talk to my girlfriend about being in a relationship despite current circumstances 


50: Top 3 web-pages?

Ao3 Genius Lyrics And whatever website I’m using to stream my shows


51: Do you know anyone who hates shopping?

Surprisingly no one I can remember 


52: Does anything on your body hurt?

Yeah my jaw for some reason 


53: Are goodbyes hard for you?

Yeah, I like to not think about it 


54: What was the last beverage you spilled on yourself?

Water thankfully 


55: How is your hair?

It’s good? Thanks for asking 


56: What do you usually do first in the morning?

Try and go back to sleep, nah I usually check my phone


57: Do you think two people can last forever?

Yes, but both of you have to want to and try to! It won’t just happen with wishful thinking 


58: Think back to January 2007, were you single?

Yes I was like 9 


59: Green or purple grapes?

Green!


60: When’s the next time you will give someone a BIG hug?

Probably my sister, she’s been away for like 4 days now! 


61: Do you wish you were somewhere else right now?

New Zealand, with my loves 


62: What did your father teach you?

Nothing in life is free, if you want something you’ve got to earn it 


63: Where will you be 5 hours from now?

Hopefully getting a good nights sleep 


64: What were you doing at 8 this morning.

Sleeping 


65: This time last year, can you remember who you liked?

I had random flashes of attraction, but no one specific 


66: Is there one person in your life that can always make you smile?

My sister, my best friend and my girlfriend 


67: Did you kiss or hug anyone today?

No, I’m very touch starved tbh 


68: What was your last thought before you went to bed last night?

Why am I just going to sleep at 7 in the morning 


69: Have you ever tried your hardest and then gotten disappointed in the end?

Trying hard to fit in with a certain group of “friends” only for them to turn their backs when I was struggling 


70: How many windows are open on your computer?

None, because I no longer have a laptop! On my phone browser I think 7 


71: If you won 100 million dollars, what would you buy first?

I’d pay my parents debts/mortgage! The same goes for my grandparents! 


72: What is your ringtone?

How bout dat, I bought it ages ago to take the piss! Only she got popular 


73: How old will you be in 5 months?

19 🎉🎉🎉🎉 my birthday is in 9 days 


74: Where is your Mum right now?

Sitting on the other couch 


75: Why aren’t you with the person you were first in love with or almost in love?

I loved them but they didn’t love me! Which sucks, because I ended up losing them as a friend too! 


76: Have you held hands with somebody in the past three days?

Sadly only in my dreams 


77: Are you friends with the people you were friends with two years ago?

Weirdly yes, and I’m still close to most of them 


78: Do you remember who you had a crush on in year 7?

Omg I’m pretty sure I had a huge crush on a dude c


79: Is there anyone you know with the name Mike?

No one I’m close too! One of dads work mates was named mike 


80: Have you ever fallen asleep in someones arms?

Yes, it’s a nice feeling! But it’s been so long it’s happened 


81: How many people have you liked in the past three months?

Has serious feelings for? Like 2 people? 


82: Has anyone seen you in your underwear in the last 3 days?

Yeah my sister she likes to just barge in 


83: Will you talk to the person you like tonight?

Yeah, I message them most days! 


84: You’re drunk and yelling at hot guys/girls out of your car window, you’re with?
Well I definitely wouldn’t be yelling at hot people! But most likely one of my mates, kaelyn!

85: If your BF/GF was into drugs would you care?

As long as they weren’t endangering themselves or others!


86: What was the most eventful thing that happened last time you went to see a movie?
Some dude spend the entire film laughing

87: Who was your last received call from?

My best friend


88: If someone gave you $1,000 to burn a butterfly over a candle, would you?

Is it alive? No. Dead? Yes!


89: What is something you wish you had more of?

Money would be nice! 


90: Have you ever trusted someone too much?

Probably! I haven’t been truly betrayed yet!


91: Do you sleep with your window open?

Last night I did! It was really hot!


92: Do you get along with girls?

Of course! Girls are amazing! 


93: Are you keeping a secret from someone who needs to know the truth?

No


94: Does sex mean love?

No


95: You’re locked in a room with the last person you kissed, is that a problem?

Not a problem, kinda awkward!


96: Have you ever kissed anyone with a lip ring?

Nah, would be neat tho! 


97: Did you sleep alone this week?

Sadly yes 


98: Everybody has somebody that makes them happy, do you?

Yes, I do! 


99: Do you believe in love at first sight?

Not a stable lasting love! But yes you can live someone at first sight! 


100: Who was the last person that you pinky promise?

My sister probably!

[paranoid-fighter]

:0 all of them if you'd like!

So, I did answer all of them. However, there are some dark and heavy things in some of the questions, so I left those blank. Since it’s so long, the answers are under the cut. 

1: Talk about the first time you watched your favorite movie.I remember seeing snippits of it on the television in the hotel in Washington DC years and years ago. I wanted to know the name of the movie, but we didn't have time for me to find the TV Guide channel. Years passed by and then I saw the movie again. I watched more of it, but I missed the first half.

I think it took me a few years to finally see the whole thing. I should watch it again - haven't seen it in over four years. (The Birdcage is a wonderful movie.)

2: Talk about your first kiss.I was in 9th grade and I was out on some sort of hiking trip with some other people at my church. A guy I had been kinda flirting with a bit pulled me aside and kissed me. I had the brilliant idea to pretend to faint afterwards. I fell to the ground and didn't move. As he began to panic, I stood up, pointed and laughed at him.

Yeah, I don't know either.

3: Talk about the person you've had the most intense romantic feelings for.My former best friend, I think. She was the one that got me into writing all those years ago. I flew to Japan to meet her and then, a few years later, she came to the US while on military leave. I had a whole week planned for us and, I must say, it was incredibly romantic.

And then I saw her in person and realized how much she had changed in the two years after our first meeting. It quickly killed any and all feelings I had.

4: Talk about the thing you regret most so far.I try to live in a way that eliminates regrets - I do not do things that I think will cause me to feel regret. However, there are plenty of embarrassing incidents in my past that make me feel emotions akin to regret.

5: Talk about the best birthday you've had.My 24th was probably the best. I spent the entire day alone in my old apartment, not talking to anyone for more than about ten minutes (tops) and it was all over the phone. I made myself some cupcakes and mulled wine and I spent the day lying on the couch, listening to music as I ate and drank in happy solitude.

6: Talk about the worst birthday you've had.I had just turned 22 and was at my parents' house with none of my friends around. That morning, I was told that I was showing lesions, potentially cancerous, in my liver. I was so violently ill that I dropped fifteen pounds in less than three weeks and had lacerations in most of my lower GI tract. I was in so much pain and was so fatigued that I could barely get out of bed. My at-the-time boyfriend was accusing me of faking my pain and sickness so that I didn't have to go see him. When I told my best friend of 12 years what was happening, she signed offline and didn't talk to me again for about three months. That night, I was looking up things I wanted to do, in case it was cancer, and that's when I found out that my life-long dream of being a pilot would never happen because you can't get your pilot's license when you have vertigo...

7: Talk about your biggest insecurity.Either my physical appearance, my intelligence or my writing. They're all major insecurities, but they take turns jockeying for the number one spot.

8: Talk about the thing you are most proud of.I'm still alive.

9: Talk about little things on your body that you like the most.I have a little freckle in each of my eyes, near the brown ring around my iris. The overall colour of my eye can be described as hazel, but it's more of a grey/green colour than a brown - aside from the aforementioned ring.

I also like my tattoos. I have three at this point and each represents a milestone in my life. Tattoos: the first one was done in Japan, while meeting my (at the time) best friend of 10+ years. The second is a : ) on my left hand, near the thumb. It was how I celebrated a first year of post-college employment (I drew the smile on my hand all during college, as a reminder to smile.) The third is the grey muslin moth on my foot, to celebrate a milestone in my life.

10: Talk about the biggest fight you've ever had.All I will say is that I was 18 and it was between my father and older brother. It went on for hours and the relationships are forever altered. 

11: Talk about the best dream you've ever had.I... don't really remember my dreams. I suppose the best one I had was a semi-lucid dream where a very dear friend knelt down beside my bed a few days after breaking up with the aforementioned boyfriend. He told me "I know it's hard now, but you're going to be okay. I promise." Either that, or the one night I finally beat the night terrors that I had been having for over 12 years. True, I tore the muscles in my shoulders because I literally fought off the dream and was in a sling for six weeks, but it was worth it.

12: Talk about the worst dream you've ever had.Any of the night terrors that I had at least monthly for over 12 years. They would always include the same themes, but in different orders, and would always result in me dying.

13: Talk about the first time you had sex/how you imagine your first time.I’m sorry, but no. I prefer not to think about that time.

14: Talk about a vacation.I spent a week alone in my old apartment, drinking mulled wine and mead, eating good food and watching the snow falling. I'd go out in the mornings for a long walk on the snowy trails by the river, sometimes with a cigar, and I'd watch the ducks swimming in the river. It was quiet.

15: Talk about the time you were most content in life.I did a post about this a while ago, in more detail, but it was a night that I was sitting with one of my very best friends in the office of the brewery. It was raining and we could hear it on the metal roof. We sat together, he was rubbing my feet for a bit, and we were just talking for hours. We left after the brewery closed for the night, then we stood outside in the parking lot. We held each other for a long time before we drove our separate ways. His car followed mine for as long as he could.

16: Talk about the best party you've ever been to.I wouldn't really call it a party in the sense that invitations were sent out, but there was one night in college that my roommate/best friend was in my room with me. We were drinking together and we just talked honestly to one another. We talked about our pasts, our families, our fears, our hopes and dreams. We spent the night like that, talking until our voices were hoarse.

17: Talk about someone you want to be friends with.Someone that likes to sit back and talk about life, the universe and everything. The late night conversations where you sit in the comfortable darkness and just ask the questions you're too afraid to say during the day. Someone I can trust, who understands my boundaries and my own needs, who I can turn to at any time.

18: Talk about something that happened in elementary school.Second grade, my teachers found out I was reading on a college level and I was the furthest ahead in multiplication knowledge - it was the only time I was ever good at math.

19: Talk about something that happened in middle school.I found a book in my brother's room that took me to a fansite online, which then sparked my interest in writing.

20: Talk about something that happened in high school.I was given a medal by my English teacher. I can't remember what it was for, or why I was given it, but I remembered being proud of it. Especially because it was the one medal that wasn't given to the daughter of the school's guidance councilor/administrator.

21: Talk about a time you had to turn someone down.Someone in college asked me out with a very sweet poem that he left on my door. I showed it to another friend, who then told me that the guy was a drug addict with a possible sexual assault charge. I wrote a note on his door, politely declining his offer.

I still like the phrase "let me be your afternoon delight," though.

22: Talk about your worst fear.Honestly? Being forced to stay alive on life support.

23: Talk about a time someone turned you down.He was a coworker at my former job. I had a crush on him. He didn't have one on me. He came over for a farewell drink before I moved away. He left soon after.

24: Talk about something someone told you that meant a lot."I have learned so much about people from you. You have had all these things happen to you, but you keep on going and you keep smiling. I want to be like you." - My therapist, during one of our sessions.

25: Talk about an ex-best friend.I called him "Big Brother," because he was everything I wanted in a brother. He and I met and it was almost like meeting someone from a previous life. We clicked instantly and were inseparable. Even when he moved away, we kept in touch. He'd call me every day after he got off work. We'd play video games together almost every single night.

His fiance told him "it's him or me."

He got married two years ago.

It ended with "I love you, Big Brother." "I love you too, Little Brother."

It was the first and last time he ever called me that.

26: Talk about things you do when you're sick.If I'm physically sick, then I will generally make eggdrop soup and sip on that. If it's mental sickness, then I clean. And clean. And clean.

27: Talk about your favorite part of someone else's body.Their hair - if it's clean and well-kept.

28: Talk about your fetishes.Yeah, no.

29: Talk about what turns you on.Kindness, showing general interest in something I enjoy, kindness, good hygiene...

30: Talk about what turns you off.Rudeness, telling me you don't care about something I do, rudeness, poor hygiene...

31: Talk about what you think death is like.An ending.

32: Talk about a place you remember from your childhood.The bathroom window, overlooking the woods just a few yards away. I'd spend a very long time staring out of the window, watching the birds and the trees. And then, on some nights, I'd watch the moon and the stars.

33: Talk about what you do when you are sad.I sit and stew for awhile, usually alone and completely offline. I try to distract myself and I usually end up cleaning. And cleaning. And cleaning. Until exhaustion claims me. After some time, guilt overrides my sadness and I come back online again.

34: Talk about the worst physical pain you've endured.Having cysts rupture. I have a high pain tolerance which has been proven time and time again, but this left me gasping and literally screaming for God to kill me for over five hours, each and every time. It happened four times in three months. I do not think I will forget it.

35: Talk about things you wish you could stop doing.Being so damned focused on "doing." I must always be doing something, always, always. It's a problem. I make myself lists of things to do and I make them in a way that takes almost all day to do, leaving me no time at the end for myself.

36: Talk about your guilty pleasures.Cookie dough ice cream. Soft bedding. Fuzzy things. Some music I won't readily admit to. I don't know if these count as guilty pleasures, though, but I'm drawing a blank on what actually would be a guilty pleasure of mine.

37: Talk about someone you thought you were in love with.She was my best friend in high school. I thought I loved her. She made me happy to be around. We grew apart when she started dating other men, but she'd always come back to be my friend when they left. I was always there for her. I liked being her support. But... we grew apart when she started dating her now-husband. We grew apart and we both never reached out to the other again.

38: Talk about songs that remind you of certain people."Outside" by Hollywood Undead reminds me of my "Big Brother." I listened to the song on repeat for hours after our farewell - it was his favourite band."Snow" by Red Hot Chili Peppers reminds me of my brother - it's one of his favourite songs. ...Truthfully, most songs I can think of remind me of OCs or other characters, not really people in the physical sense.

39: Talk about things you wish you'd known earlier.How to change a flat tire, how to jumpstart a dead car, how to properly talk to your boss, to how get the most out of a doctor's appointment, how to ask for a second opinion, how to know when people are flirting (still need to know this one, truthfully)...

40: Talk about the end of something in your life.About seventeen months ago, I gave up almost all of my possessions, packed what I could into my car, moved fifteen hours away from where I had been living, found a new place to live within three days and then started a new job within a week and a half of leaving my old one. It was a whirlwind and it took me over a year to finally feel settled in my new residence.

[blissfullyinfatuated]

All of them

Jeez this will be long, but thank you:

1: is there a boy/girl in your life? Girl but it’s complicated/we aren't together 

2: think of the last person who hurt you; do you forgive them? I told them that I did to ease my heart, but I’m not too sure/I didn't forget 

3: what do you think of when you hear the word “meow?” cute cat

4: what’s something you really want right now? To go home 

5: are you afraid of falling in love? To the “wrong” person/I’m afraid I can't fully fall 

6: do you like the beach? YES! I’m an Island girl :)

7: have you ever slept on a couch with someone else? Yes

8: what’s the background on your cell? A picture of my friend’s fave Irish beach and then lauren Jauregui 

9: name the last four beds you were sat on? mine mine mine and mine 

10: do you like your phone? I could use greater memory, but grateful I even have a phone! 

11: honestly, are things going the way you planned? They never

12: who was the last person whose phone number you added to your contacts? My friend Ali cause snapchat too lit 

13: would you rather have a poodle or a rottweiler? rottweiler because poodle’s fur often mats easily :(

14: which hurts the most, physical or emotional pain? Emotional 

15: would you rather visit a zoo or an art museum? ART MUSEUM fuck zoos

16: are you tired? Always 

17: how long have you known your 1st phone contact? Probably would be my parents haha 

18: are they a relative? More/less

19: would you ever consider getting back together with any of your exes? No. We’ve all diverged and I’ve no sexual attraction towards them anymore. We’re past closure! 

20: when did you last talk to the last person you shared a kiss with? March 

21: if you knew you had the right person, would you marry them today? Yes

22: would you kiss the last person you kissed again? Idk

23: how many bracelets do you have on your wrists right now? None because I hate jewelry (apart from earrings) 

24: is there a certain quote you live by? “I am still learning”-Michelangelo 

25: what’s on your mind? Sleep and how tf am I going to study 

26: do you have any tattoos? Nope

27: what is your favorite color? Equally green and pink

28: next time you will kiss someone on the lips? Spontaneity! No idea!

29: who are you texting? Currently texting “thank you” to everyone who texted me today! 

30: think to the last person you kissed, have you ever kissed them on a couch? LOL no

31: have you ever had the feeling something bad was going to happen and you were right? YES. Always 

32: do you have a friend of the opposite sex you can talk to? Daniel :)

33: do you think anyone has feelings for you? I am certain of one girl, that’s all that I know lol so I’d say no! 

34: has anyone ever told you you have pretty eyes? YESSS especially since I’ve got brown eyes, I retain that compliment :) 

35: say the last person you kissed was kissing someone right in front of you? I wouldn't care! 

36: were you single on valentines day? Yes 

37: are you friends with the last person you kissed? Nope

38: what do your friends call you? Savage, Zaddy, Em haha

39: has anyone upset you in the last week? Nope 

40: have you ever cried over a text? yes ugh

41: where’s your last bruise located? Side of my knee cause I like to drop to music beats intensely smh 

42: what is it from? Above^

43: last time you wanted to be away from somewhere really bad? NOW

44: who was the last person you were on the phone with? My family

45: do you have a favourite pair of shoes? Probably my “white” converse but they haven't smelled the best since Pride ‘17 lol 

46: do you wear hats if your having a bad hair day? No, I wear them on good hair days rip

47: would you ever go bald if it was the style? NO 

48: do you make supper for your family? Nope 

49: does your bedroom have a door? Two doors:)

50: top 3 web-pages? Tumblr, Facebook, Youtube

51: do you know anyone who hates shopping? LMAO YAAA like she hates malls/shopping 

52: does anything on your body hurt? My back 

53: are goodbyes hard for you? very but I get over it 

54: what was the last beverage you spilled on yourself? Coke 

55: how is your hair? Natural rn 

56: what do you usually do first in the morning? Stretchhhh

57: do you think two people can last forever? Yes, but with obstacles and forgiveness 

58: think back to january 2007, were you single? Probably since I was 8

59: green or purple grapes? GREEN, but idc 

60: when’s the next time you will give someone a big hug? Probably today 

61: do you wish you were somewhere else right now? yes

62: when will be the next time you text someone? After I finish this 

63: where will you be 5 hours from now? In the same place #Boring

64: what were you doing at 8 this morning. Getting ready to grab breakfast before my exam 

65: this time last year, can you remember who you liked? Definitively 

66: is there one person in your life that can always make you smile? Yes. A blessing 

67: did you kiss or hug anyone today? nope

68: what was your last thought before you went to bed last night? That I need to fall asleep!

69: have you ever tried your hardest and then gotten disappointed in the end? YES my life 

70: how many windows are open on your computer? Two which is relatively a low for me 

71: how many fingers do you have? 10

72: what is your ringtone? generic iPhone ringtone 

73: how old will you be in 5 months? 19

74: where is your mum right now? At work, back home 

75: why aren’t you with the person you were first in love with or almost in love? because our time ended and we were better off growing by others and ourselves 

76: have you held hands with somebody in the past three days? No

77: are you friends with the people you were friends with two years ago? Yes

78: do you remember who you had a crush on in year 7? Yes lmao

79: is there anyone you know with the name mike? Yes

80: have you ever fallen asleep in someones arms? Yes 

81: how many people have you liked in the past three months? Two

82: has anyone seen you in your underwear in the last 3 days?Probably. I live in residence  

83: will you talk to the person you like tonight? Of course 

84: you’re drunk and yelling at hot guys/girls out of your car window, you’re with? My best friends 

85: if your bf/gf was into drugs would you care? Care enough to bring them to seek help

86: what was the most eventful thing that happened last time you went to see a movie? Sweet ass seats in Imagine Cinema lmao 

87: who was your last received call from? My family 

88: if someone gave you $1,000 to burn a butterfly over a candle, would you? No. I’d cry wtf that’s so morbid 

89: what is something you wish you had more of? Time with the people I love 

90: have you ever trusted someone too much? Unfortunately. I’m rather a transparent person too so fml 

91: do you sleep with your window open? During the summer. It’s so refreshing 

92: do you get along with girls? Very 

93: are you keeping a secret from someone who needs to know the truth? Yes, but I don't think they NEED to know the truth. either way fml  

94: does sex mean love? No

95: you’re locked in a room with the last person you kissed, is that a problem? not at all 

96: have you ever kissed anyone with a lip ring? no

97: did you sleep alone this week? Yes

98: everybody has somebody that makes them happy, do you? I do

99: do you believe in love at first sight? hmm interest leading to love, but not love on the spot 

100: who was the last person that you pinky promise? Emma 

[alicedoessurveys]

131 Questions

1. On Saturdays, I like to… Depends what mood I’m in or how I’m feeling. If I’m in a tired, ’cba with anything’ mood I can easily lounge in my jammies at home watching telly and playing sims. If I’m in a more energetic ‘need to get out the house’ mood ill persuade my mom to go shopping, or take the dogs out or something

2. Where would you like to be a missionary to? Idk what that means

3. What’s better — toilet paper rolled over top or underneath? Over

4. Which Scooby-Doo character are you most like (Scooby, Shaggy, Daphne, Fred, Velma, the monster, Scrappy?) Probably shaggy and scooby cause I’m scared of everything

5. If you had to endure one natural disaster (i.e. hurricane, tornado, etc), what would you pick and why? Idk, hurricane maybe? Id rather not be in any disaster tbh

6. What movie or TV show do you take guilty pleasure in watching? Not gonna lie, there are some shows on kids tv I actually enjoy watching

7. If you had to describe your day as a traffic sign, what would it be? Ive had a mental block and I can’t think of any traffic signs

8. What traditional stereotype would you classify yourself as? I don’t think I really fit into one stereotype. im kind of a nerd but not 100% nerd

9. What “group” did you belong to in high school? My group was a mishmash of people. we were branded as the weird, geeky, unpopular group by most people

10. If you wrote a book about yourself…what would it be about? Probably about my experience with mental health and how it affected my school/college years

11. If your house were burning down, what would you take and why? obviously first thing id do would be check my family and pets were safe. Then id grab my laptop, the teddy I’ve had since I was born and try to get the two boxes from under my bed that I keep my memories in.

12. Describe your favorite pair of PJ’s. My favourites at the moment are my Christmas ones I bought myself this year. They’re red and white, with a kind of Christmas jumper pattern on them. Its hard to describe them but they’re super cosy

13. How many handbags do you own? Like two, I’m not big on handbags. I buy one and keep it until its dies then get a new one

14. If this were your last day alive, what would you say to your friends? Thank them for sticking with me and giving me some great memories

15. What is your very favorite part of your day? getting into bed at the end of the day

16. What is your best scar? Tell the story of how you got it. I don’t consider any of my scars ‘best’.. the one that has the most meaning is the one on my stomach. Its from when my appendix burst when I was two years old and my parents said It was 50/50 wether I survived or not

17. You win a million dollars, but you have to give half to a charity. Which charity do you pick, and what do you do with the rest of the money? probably Birmingham dogs home, or dogs trust

18. Describe your dream wedding where money is no option. IF I every do get married, I would like a winter/christmas wedding cause Christmas is my favourite time of year and winter weather is a bit more predictable. Id want to get married in a church, then go to a big castle hall for the reception. Honeymoon in lapland!

19. What kind of deodorant do you use? I think its either dove or sure..? I can’t remember. its a spray deodrant though, can’t deal with those horrid wet stick ones  

20. If you were a spy what would your alias be? is alias like, spy name? I don’t know, I can’t think of anything cool haha

21. Do you have a birth mark? Where? Does it look like anything? Nope, don’t think so

22. You are planning the most awesome dinner party of your life. Which 3 celebrities/historical figures (past or present) would you add to your guest list to keep the dinner talk interesting? Edie Redmayne because.. its eddie redmayne and he’s just adorable. kate mckinnon would be a freakin’ amazing dinner party guests I chose her and I can’t think who id chose for the third person.. maybe Walt Disney. NO WAIT, JOHNNY DEPP!! I choose Johnny Depp, I feel like he’d have a lot of great stories

23. What is your favorite sport, and which team of that sport do you cheer for? None

24. Which would you rather have a kiss or a hug? Why? Hug

25. If you could be a pair of jeans what style would you be?  Why? Skinny jeans, so I could be skinny :’)

26. You have multiple personalities, describe some of them. too many to go into

27. What is the best thing you have done in your life? Probably passing my driving test. OR, when I was 17 I got certified as a Zumba instructor. even though I ended up having to give up Zumba, thats probably the thing I’m the most proud of in my life so far. As someone who suffers anxiety/panic attacks it was a massive achievement to travel to blackpool, go dance at Winter Gardens ballroom ON MY OWN in a room full of strangers for 6 hours, and come out with a certificate.

28. If you were blind for the rest of your life… what would you miss seeing the most? Everything. It would be awful. Id probably miss seeing my dogs faces the most

29. What household chore do you hate the most? Washing the dishes, or hanging my clothes up in the closet

30. What is your most disappointing moment in life? the whole college experience. dropping two of my a levels, failing the other two. Then dropping out of college course. And again, dropping out of another college course. Not a great 3 years for me.

31. When have you laughed the hardest? Cried? today. I realised my dog’s haircut made him look like Edna Mode from the incredibles.. easily amused. Last time I cried, Im not sure. The last time I remember crying was Christmas Eve

32. If you had a “theme song” that played whenever you walk into a room full of people, what would it be? My cellophane from Chicago? Haha idk

33. What is the first thing you notice about the opposite sex? General appearance. Probably what they’re wearing, their hair, their face. If I’m up close face to face with someone the first thing I notice are eyes and mouth

34. What time period from the past would you most have liked to live in and why? 80s, I like the music

35. What is the best reward anyone can give you? support

36. If you had a band what would you name it? Idk, I used to have a name I said I would use but I can’t remember now

37. Do you like fruit? Vegetables? Not really. The only fruit I like is apples and bananas. The only veg I like are peas

38. What can someone do to encourage you? tell me they believe in me and be genuine about it

39. If you could be one for just 24 hours, what cereal box cartoon character would you be? Why? What a bazaar question haha! Erm, the one from coco pops? The monkey

40. What was the best thing that happened to you this weekend? New Years day. i spent the day surrounded by family at my sisters house and we stayed they’re till almost 2am playing heads up and singing too loud

41. What is your favorite animal? List three adjectives to explain your choice. Ffs, I don’t know what an adjective is :’) favourite animal: dogs. Loyal, cuddly, goofballs

42. What is your favorite color? List three adjectives to explain your choice. Again with the adjectives, gah! Fave colour, purple. I don’t know why, I just like it leave me alone

43. It’s a very hot and muggy day. You desperately want something very cool and refreshing to quench your thirst and revitalize your body. What would you drink — either make your own or store-bought. Cold water obvs

44. You discover that the person you’re head-over-heels interested in loves a good homemade & handmade dessert. What will you concoct when you have this person over? Cookies, either salted caramel or Nutella filled

45. What would you leave in your will for the person you care about the most? Idk, I don’t really have anything to leave :’)

46. What do you consider to the most valuable thing you own: when you were a child/teenager/now? Child: probably something stupid like dolls. Teenager: idk, laptop? Now: again probably laptop since I bought a new one yesterday. I would say dog but I don’t own the dog

47. What’s the kindest act you have ever seen done? Idk

48. If you could have any job in the world, which one would you want? Actress, or dancer. Or animal trainer for movies/tv

49. What are your best/worst subjects in school and what subjects would you want to learn now? Best subjects: none. Worst subjects: all of them, but especially science.

50. What are you most talented at? Nothing :’)

51. What is your worst nightmare today? Still being the way I am now this time next year

52. How often do you clean between your toes? Idk, like almost every day I think

53. What is your favorite way to waste time at work without getting caught? I don’t have a job so idk

54. If you could have had the starring role in one film already made, which movie would you pick? Tina in Fantastic Beasts.. being part of that amazing film AND getting to spend all that time with Eddie Redmayne <3

55. If you were to perform in the circus, what would you do? I don’t want to be apart of a circus

56. If you could eliminate one thing you do each day in the bathroom so that you never had to do it again, what would it be? Having to go to the bathroom <- yup, that

57. You were just given a yacht. What would you name it? the mad hatter

58. If you could have been told one thing that you weren’t told when you were a teenager, what would you like to have heard? ‘Dont expect everything to get better in college. It only gets worse’

59. You’ve just been hired to a promotions position at Kellog Co. What would you put in a new breakfast cereal box as a gimmick? These questions are hard man

60. Just like “Everybody Wang Chung tonight!”, what action would your name be if it were a verb? wtf

61. Name your favorite song. At the moment, I’m loving Todrick Hall ‘no place like home’

62. If you were to get a tattoo, what would it say or what would the graphic be? I have a tattoo. I have 3 musical notes behind my ear. I want another tattoo, i want a lighthouse on the side of my foot under my ankle

63. If you could play any musical instrument, what would it be and why? If you already play an instrument(s), what do you play and why? ive just started playing the ukulele, my dad bought me one for Christmas

64. When trick-or-treating as a kid, was there any kind of candy that you didn’t like to get? I never went trick or treating

65. Why do you live in the Washington DC area? I dont :’)

66. What is your favorite memory of Christmases past? Just Christmas in general

67. What is the most outrageous thing you’ve done for God? I haven’t done anything outrageous.. the most ‘unlike me’ thing I did was stand up in front of my church and give a testimony. It was terrifying and I cried with relief when it was over haha

68. If a movie was being made of your life and you could choose the actor/actress to play you, who would you choose and why? Jennifer Lawrence

69. Paper or plastic? Paper I guess idk

70. What was the weirdest food you’ve ever eaten? I don’t eat anything weird, I’m a very boring eater

71. What do you keep in the trunk of your car? I have a basket which I keep de-icer, ice scraper, washer liquid, a torch, gloves, hat, tennis balls and dog poop bags

72. When you were in grade school, what did you want to be when you grew up? Why? I wanted to be someone who looked after peoples cats when they went on holiday.. don’t ask why

73. If you owned a CB radio what would your “handle” be? I dont know what that means

74. If you were given 24 hrs to live, what would you do? I can’t even, questions like this stress me out

75. If you were in the “Miss America” talent competition, what would your talent be? (Note: both guys & gals have to answer this question) i dont know, probably bring the dog on stage and dance with him or something haha

76. What do you think the most ultimate gift of the world is? Uh.. idk. I feel like this survey is gonna be really boring cause most my answers are ‘idk’

77. What is your earliest childhood memory? Earliest memory is mom dropping me off at preschool and my crying my eyes out being carried off by the teacher

78. What was your favorite TV show when you were growing up? I had many. I had a lot of veggitales videos

79. If you had one extra hour of free time a day, how would you use it? Either sleep, or just more time sitting on the sofa wasting my life

79. What CD is in your CD player right now? Rend Collective, Campfire II

80. The great theologian Andy Warhol stated that everyone gets 15 minutes of fame.  What happened during your 15 minutes? Still waiting for mine

81. Name the most famous person you’ve had a face to face encounter with. I met the wanted, Andy Jordan and literally bumped into laurence llewelyn-bowen in hobby craft last year

82. Name your favorite children’s story. Anything by road Dahl, the whole chronicles of Narnia or the grufflo

83. If you could spend 15 minutes with any living person, who would it be and why? hmm.. I haven’t mentioned eddie redmayne enough in this survey so ill say him :’) or Kate McKinnon.. love her

84. What person in the Bible do you most closely identify with? Esther was my favourite growing up, and now I’m older I identify with her a lot

85. What article of clothing most closely describes your personality? A hoodie because you can pull the hood over your head and hide away just like I’ve been doing for a long time <-this

86. If you were to write a book what would it be about? Im sure I answered this question earlier..?

87. How many rings before you answer the phone? I don’t really do that. I see who’s ringing and I either answer it or I don’t

88. What is the first thing you think of when you wake in the morning? Lie there contemplating wether to wake up or go back to sleep

89. If you won a million dollars, what would you do with it? Pay off they money I owe. Pay off parents debts, and sisters debts. Give them money. Buy a house in Bournemouth. Set up a doggy day care business.

90. If you had to, what part of your body would you get pierced? No thanks

91. Who was your favorite teacher and why? My English/drama teacher in the first year of senior school. She found out I was having difficulties and became like a mentor to be. She helped me out a lot.  

92. What makes you feel the most secure? My family

93. Who do you admire the most? Mom

94. Have you ever had a reoccurring dream? What was it? I’ve had dreams about my teeth falling out a few times. Recently I keep having dreams about being in bed with spiders and snakes crawling on me and wake up hitting my duvet and generally freakin the f out

95. What was your nickname growing up? Bong

96. Who was your hero when you were a child, and what did you do to be like them? My dad. I would try to play his guitars and would tag along with him when he went to his evening jobs

97. Peanut or plain? Peanut or plain what..?

98. What is your favorite cartoon character & why? I don’t actually know

99. How did you learn to ride a bicycle? all I remember is my dad took me to the park and held on to the bike while I cycled, then let me go and I rode into a tree

100. Based on something you’ve already done, how might you make it into the Guinness Book of World Records? The ability to jump to the worst conclusion in the quickest time

101. What’s the closest you’ve come to becoming a pop star/winning an Oscar? No where near

102. When was the last time you did something for the first time? What was it? I honestly can’t think of anything

103. What is your concept of a fruitful day? I dont know what that means..

104. What was your favorite thing to play with as a child? Why? I was quite an active child, I spent a lot of time climbing trees and running around outdoors. When I wasn’t doing that, my favourite toys were bratz dolls

105. If you could be any animal in the world for 24 hours, which animal would you be? Why? a bird, I would love to experience flying

106. Have you ever jumped out of a plane? Nope, im not adventurous enough for that

107. If you could rid the world of one thing, what would it be? Hate/war/terror

108. What is your best personal characteristic? Ughhhh I hate questions like this, I’m not good at saying nice stuff about myself

109. What is your favorite quote? “And above all, watch with glittering eyes the whole world around you because the greatest secrets are always hidden in the most unlikely places. Those you don’t believe in magic will never find it.” - Roald Dahl

110. If you could be invisible for a day, what would you do? Sneak onto a film set and see what its like

111. What is your favorite weird food combination? Im not into any weird food combinations. Like I said earlier, I’m not adventurous enough

112. If you had to be a flower, which one would you like to be and why? Maybe a rose, cause they’re pretty but they have thorns so they fight back again people who try to pick them :’)

113. If you were stranded on a desert island, what three books and three people would you take with you? 3 books: Fantastic beasts and where to find them, Harry Potter and the cursed child (cause its the one I’m reading atm) and a bible. 3 people: my mom, my dad and my sis
 114. My biggest pet peeve is… People in general

115. What is your favorite commercial? What commercial annoys you the most? I don’t really have a favourite. they all tend to annoy me after a while. OH WAIT! One advert I will never get fed up of is the Coca Cola Christmas one, ‘Holidays are Coming’

116. What’s the most interesting “Ice Breaker” Question you have ever been asked? I avoid situations that require ice breaker questions.

117. If you could be an ice cream flavor, what would it be? Why? Salted caramel, cause its my fave idk

118. Name a turning point in your life that makes you smile/cry. Makes me cry: probably the year I dropped out of college for the third time, got dianosed with depression then got ill with thyroid shit Makes me smile: maybe, going back to church this year because its changed my life for the better and set our family on an exciting journey thats just beginning :)  

119. If there were a holiday in your honor what would it celebrate? everyone who isn’t perfect, who is awkward, and fails at stuff a lot

120. What clubs were you a member of in High School? Are you still interested in any of the same things? I joined a drama club for like a week before it got shut down because there wasn’t enough members

121. If you were to be on a reality TV show which one would you be on and why? Probably big brother, I have no talents so I couldn’t go on anything else :’)

122. If you could be anything in the world, what would you be and why? Someone with talent. preferably someone who could sing, dance and act and was in musicals  

123. If someone rented a billboard for you, what would you put on it? ‘Make the effort to make someone smile today’

124. If you had to enter a competition for the “Most Uselessly Unique Talent,” what would your talent be? The ability to get animals to like me

125. If you were a Smurf, what would your name be? Awkward smurf, talentless smurf, failure smurf

126. What is your worst personality characteristic? Please refer to previous answer

127. If you had to be a teacher of something, what would you teach? well I completed a night course in canine behaviour so I guess I could teach how to care for and train dogs

128. How would you like to be remembered? Someone who made people smile

129. What is one thing that you constantly think about (other than material things)? Whether I’m doing the right thing or not. what I should be doing with my life.

130. What do you like best about your hometown? I don’t know, I guess the fact that its got a nice reputation

131. Something interesting you might not know about me is… Im not very interesting..

[villainousunsub]

fuck alright lets do this 

tagged by @writerinthedarkabyss

1: Is there a boy/girl in your life?

Nope, im a single bean

2: Think of the last person who hurt you; do you forgive them?

Fuck no 

3: What do you think of when you hear the word “meow?”

kittens

4: What’s something you really want right now?

those eggs that Hersey makes only around Easter

5: Are you afraid of falling in love?

Not like I should be.

6: Do you like the beach?

No, I get sand everywhere 

7: Have you ever slept on a couch with someone else?

All the fucking time

8: What’s the background on your cell?

lock screen is a galaxy and home is one of paris

9: Name the last four beds you were sat on?

Mine, my mom’s, my bro’s, and my aunt and uncles

10: Do you like your phone?

Yea

11: Honestly, are things going the way you planned?

When do they ever?

12: Who was the last person whose phone number you added to your contacts?

my brother since he just got a phone

13: Would you rather have a poodle or a Rottweiler?

Rottweiler

14: Which hurts the most, physical or emotional pain?

Emotional it hurts the longest and deepest 

15: Would you rather visit a zoo or an art museum?

the zoo i could spend all day there

16: Are you tired?

my whole life all i wanna do is sleep

17: How long have you known your 1st phone contact?

yikes i have no idea

18: Are they a relative?

no

19: Would you ever consider getting back together with any of your exes?

no i only have like two and one is a guy and one is a bitch

20: When did you last talk to the last person you shared a kiss with?

never, ive never been kissed

21: If you knew you had the right person, would you marry them today?

Hell no, just because they are the right person now that doesnt mean they will be forever

22: Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?

see last kiss ?

23: How many bracelets do you have on your wrists right now?

one-my rainbow braid bracelet 

24: Is there a certain quote you live by?

“Remember to breathe. It is after all, the secret of life.”-Gregory Maguire

25: What’s on your mind?

all the shit i need to finish/start

26: Do you have any tattoos?

no, not yet

27: What is your favorite color?

pretty blues 

28: Next time you will kiss someone on the lips?

who knows???

29: Who are you texting?

no one right now 

30: Think to the last person you kissed, have you ever kissed them on a couch?

i really have never kissed anyone.

31: Have you ever had the feeling something bad was going to happen and you were right?

my entire life

32: Do you have a friend of the opposite sex you can talk to?

yea he is the best

33: Do you think anyone has feelings for you?

Yea but they are all friends or guys, so 

34: Has anyone ever told you you have pretty eyes?

Yea

35: Say the last person you kissed was kissing someone right in front of you?

this makes me hate my life rn 

36: Were you single on Valentines Day?

of course

37: Are you friends with the last person you kissed?

im done i swear to god

38: What do your friends call you?

Lauren, Lori, gorgeous, babe

39: Has anyone upset you in the last week?

im a feisty lil one so yes

40: Have you ever cried over a text?

oh yea

41: Where’s your last bruise located?

my legs are almost always covered in bruises

42: What is it from?

that is a good question and I too would like an answer 

43: Last time you wanted to be away from somewhere really bad?

yesterday

44: Who was the last person you were on the phone with?

my mom.

45: Do you have a favourite pair of shoes?

yes but they are falling apart now

46: Do you wear hats if your having a bad hair day?

beanies are life on those days

47: Would you ever go bald if it was the style?

No i love my hair too much 

48: Do you make supper for your family?

yes none of these fools know how to cook

49: Does your bedroom have a door?

Yes

50: Top 3 web-pages?

AO3 Tumblr and Youtube

51: Do you know anyone who hates shopping?

yea

52: Does anything on your body hurt?

my back is killing me right now 

53: Are goodbyes hard for you?

depends on how close we are

54: What was the last beverage you spilled on yourself?

water

55: How is your hair?

a mess 

56: What do you usually do first in the morning?

pop all my joints

57: Do you think two people can last forever?

I want to believe so

58: Think back to January 2007, were you single?

yea i was just a smol kid

59: Green or purple grapes?

PURPLE

60: When’s the next time you will give someone a BIG hug?

????

61: Do you wish you were somewhere else right now?

hells yea

62: When will be the next time you text someone?

tonight for math hw 

63: Where will you be 5 hours from now?

sitting in my living room watching empire

64: What were you doing at 8 this morning.

walking into school

65: This time last year, can you remember who you liked?

no... i dont think i really did

66: Is there one person in your life that can always make you smile?

oh yea totally 

67: Did you kiss or hug anyone today?

No

68: What was your last thought before you went to bed last night?

shit i forgot to do that paper

69: Have you ever tried your hardest and then gotten disappointed in the end?

my entire academic career

70: How many windows are open on your computer?

5

71: How many fingers do you have?

all of’em

72: What is your ringtone?

truthfully i have no idea my phone is always on vibrate

73: How old will you be in 5 months?

still 17

74: Where is your Mum right now?

work

75: Why aren’t you with the person you were first in love with or almost in love?

fucking asshole thats why

76: Have you held hands with somebody in the past three days?

yea

77: Are you friends with the people you were friends with two years ago?

a few

78: Do you remember who you had a crush on in year 7?

unfortunately yes

79: Is there anyone you know with the name Mike?

Yea

80: Have you ever fallen asleep in someones arms?

nope

81: How many people have you liked in the past three months?

one

82: Has anyone seen you in your underwear in the last 3 days?

Yea

83: Will you talk to the person you like tonight?

probably not 

84: You’re drunk and yelling at hot guys/girls out of your car window, you’re with?

my idiot of a friend and probably like one DD 

85: If your BF/GF was into drugs would you care?

yea i cant stand the smell of most of them

86: What was the most eventful thing that happened last time you went to see a movie?

my brother put too much butter on his popcorn but didnt want to get a new one so i watched him slowly eat with regret on his face

87: Who was your last received call from?

My mom

88: If someone gave you $1,000 to burn a butterfly over a candle, would you?

NO!!

89: What is something you wish you had more of?

money, hours in the day, energy

90: Have you ever trusted someone too much?

big down fall for me

91: Do you sleep with your window open?

yea except in the dead of winter

92: Do you get along with girls?

Yea

93: Are you keeping a secret from someone who needs to know the truth?

i dont think so 

94: Does sex mean love?

hell no

95: You’re locked in a room with the last person you kissed, is that a problem?

im not even-

96: Have you ever kissed anyone with a lip ring?

^

97: Did you sleep alone this week?

Yea

98: Everybody has somebody that makes them happy, do you?

of course

99: Do you believe in love at first sight?

Yea

100: Who was the last person that you pinky promised?

my brother